ZM's Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley - Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley Podcast - 3rd November 2022

Episode Date: November 2, 2022

Taxidermy  AirNZ v Airtags  Top 6: Charities  Silly Little Poll!  Bad News Brad!  Sour Lollies at the Gym  Fact of the Day Day Day Day Daaaaay!See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

The ZM Podcast Network. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley. Hello, welcome to the Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley podcast. It's thanks to McCamp, a great barista made coffee on the go. Is there a bus driving past where you're at? Yes. Busy traffic in the CBD. Beep, beep, beep.

Good acoustics in the spare room at my house. Yes. You should save all your egg cartons and stick them to the wall. Yes. Today is a big day. It's our first show without producer Anna. We had a lovely send off yesterday, didn't we? Yeah, we did. We ate lunch. Now, I

feel like a lot of people will be when we did eat lunch and then we all went home and had naps. I did not go home and did jobs. I had a nap on the beanbag. I imagine a know I'm in any of the jobs. I had a nap on the beanbag. I imagine a lot of people are thinking, who is going to replace Anna as our executive producer? And it was their

first day on the job. Please welcome to the team. Am I, Carwin? Is that what it is? Or Carween? Yeah, yeah. Yeah, whatever works. Carween executive producing queen. Yes. Because you were Carween's social media queen. But now you're Carween, executive producing queen. Yes. Because you were Carwen social media queen but now you're Carwen executive producer queen.

Congratulations, Carwen. We're delighted to not only keep you but promote you. Hey, thanks. Are we clapping this? Yeah. This new job?

Yeah. Well done. How do you feel stepping into the role? Scared. Have we run amok already? Yes. I don't want to fucking do that, Carwen.

That's what we did all morning this morning. Yeah, you've been screaming at me. Now I know why Anna left. Yeah, right. Yeah. Because also you said, what should we talk about at 8.30? And I said, what's that?

You can get used to that every morning. Silly suggestions. Gosh, silliness and antics. Yeah. But you've been witness to it This is nothing new Which means what? Jared's still here

Jared's still here, well done Jared I believe a new title I don't know if that's confirmed yet I'll say it Senior Vice President and Executive Producer Senior Vice President Executive Producer Vice President, maybe just Senior vice president was senior vice president

of audio that's it that looks good on linkedin yes we're gonna need are you the president of audio flitch i think you'd be the president would i be the president yes okay i don't know yeah well i mean we're certainly senior announcers yeah we're certainly're certainly. Yeah. What am I the president of? Do I get a little promo? You're the president of vaginal-based content. Vaginal and musical-based content. Vaginal. Vagina music. Vagina musical.

Vaginical. If it's about vaginas or music, you are the head of that stream of content. That's me, baby. Yeah. Vice president of vag. Done. Wow. I will wear that stream of content. Vice President of Vag. Done. Wow. I will wear this Vag of Honor.

Now this is going to mean overtime for Sean Graver. Yeah, Sean Graver. Oh, we're going to have a whole lot of new plaques are required. We have to get in touch with Alex. Alex, the Sean Graver. And coming up on the podcast, you'll hear Bad News Brad, who's going to talk about the state of the economy. He wants a plaque.

Carween, because we do call you Carween instead of Carwin, so we add an extra E in there. Do you want it spelt correctly on this new plaque or spelt like the Carween? That rumbling was my drink bottle. Every time I moved it, it rumbled the whole day, so I just dropped kicked it across the room. That helped.

Because I'm the vice president of chaos. Fucking hell, he is. That's a perfect title for you and how would you like your name spout uh however you want to spell it would you like us to um uh miss call you the wrong name for a few years to keep you humble as these guys did with anya yeah i think that's tradition um i have been yelled at carween on the street recently it It was scary. Good, good, good. Carween works. Carween, the executive producing queen.

Don't yell at our producers on the street, please. It was a friendly yell. Scream, scream, scream at them. But does that mean we can get somebody new? Yeah. We're adding somebody new to our team. Sources say yes. Sources say yes.

We don't know who this person is yet. They better be good. new to our team sources say yes sources say yes we don't know who this person is yet they um they better be well if they're the social media they if they certainly won't be coming straight in at the royal ranking of queen absolutely no and also if they if they want me to do a tiktok dance they got a new thing coming yeah yeah they'll come in and they'll be like oh do this dance and they'll quickly be told to fuck off in the corner into the corner yeah you know because you gotta you gotta kind to let them know early that you're not learning a two-minute dance.

Absolutely not. Don't worry. I will be creating a handover book of things not to say. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No flash mobs. We don't do flash mobs. We don't do flash mobs. We don't do pranks.

And no matter how many times Fletch asks, he's not allowed to do his characters on the social media because they're a bit racist. Really my character work is coming along yeah now can we revisit um the camel salesman uh because yesterday he was really coming to life even though you're the new executive producer car when you have no say over whether or not we want to do accent work on air. Oh, my God. Now, what was the character's name again? I don't think he's ever given a name.

I'm saving my character work for my movies. Okay. Good, good, good. Well, we look forward to it. And congratulations again to both of you for new titles and a new role. We've got new titles too. Vice President of Chaos. And I wear the Vag of Honour.

The Vag of Honour. Thank you, Sam. Good morning. Welcome to the show, Fletch, Fawn and Hayley. That just reminded me I've got a book to donate blood. They keep texting me. I've got the good stuff. Oh, yeah, you're an O.

I'm an O. Is that universal? Oh, I'm an O. Um, sorry. Wow. You want some of this O? What blood type are you? O plus.

Yeah, they need the O+. They're low on the O+, and they've been ringing, and I'm sorry. I'm booking now. Book now. Take my good... Where are you going? Are you going to the blood center? I always go to Epsom.

You go to them. To the big one. Right. Good biscuits? Mate, I tell you what. The cheese and the crackers. And they always play The Chase. If you book at the right time.

Hey, hey, hey. The Chase wasn't on TV. I turned on TV One at 5.30, which I haven't done for a while because it's getting lighter in the evenings and there's jobs to be done outside. Of course. But I turned it on and it was some wacky British show. I beg your pardon? It wasn't on.

The Chase wasn't on. And I said out loud, the chase isn't on. And my wife said, Jesus, do you have any idea how old you sound? Well, you know that people will be complaining about that. Absolutely. God, it's a good show. Don't you dare. Do you have access to the TVNZ complaint logs?

No. I mean, I know a lot of people there. We could absolutely make some calls. You could probably just read their Facebook page nowadays and everyone would just be wah, wah, wah. Like the guy on the radio just before who was saying why I wasn't the chase on. I can't remember his name, but he was really upset about it. But, yeah, that wasn't on.

So I don't know what you're going to watch at the blood service. I'm going to go tomorrow and I'm going to, before I book, I'm going to check the TVNZ programming guide and I'll book for a good time so there's something good to watch. And then I'm going to sit there with a cheese and crack and a Milo. Yeah, because there's nothing quite like screaming wrong hole to put that down your moron while watching The Tipping Point. Exactly.

What the hell are you thinking? You absolute moron. I wouldn't have done it that way. Nah. Good stuff. Or maybe it's their Home and Away Omnibus. That's not my cup of tea. The Home and Away Omnibus. Nah.

I'm not into an omnibus. It's very confusing to join an omnibus when you haven't watched a show for a few years. A few years. A couple of days. All right, coming up on the show, the top six. Yes, a woman in New Zealand is raising money for Russia.

Goodness me. Yes, that's right, the Russian army, the ones that are invading the Ukraine. Not Ukraine, just Ukraine. And the police are a bit like, what you doing that for? And she raised so much money, she's going to do it again. This time she wants to buy them a lovely military drone. Oh, for God's sake. Well, she loves it so much. Let's's going to do it again. This time she wants to buy them a lovely military drone. Oh, for God's sake.

She loves it so much. Let's send her back. Actually? She could probably help out better if she was actually there. Yeah. On the field. Yeah, but I've got the top six other organisations you probably shouldn't be raising money for in 2022.

Alright. Probably a few of them. Probably a few of them. Probably a few of them. Next on the show, though. Vaughan, you're going to like this. Oh, yes. Countries are uniting. We're talking about Russia and Ukraine. Divided.

Absolutely at odds. Yeah. Well, two countries have come together with a beautiful marriage. A surprising marriage. I can't wait to hear more about it. Allow me to share with you a beautiful love story for this brisk Thursday morning. Now,

Mariana Varela, who represented Argentina at the Miss World competition, and Fabiola Valentin, who represented Puerto Rico at the Miss World competition, have now married. A beautiful love story. They met in 2020 at the Miss Grand International competition.

Sorry, Hayley, can I just interrupt? Vaughan, what are you Googling there? I was just the spelling of the names. Oh, you want me to clarify spelling? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I'll find it.

Don't worry about it. Yeah, it's not hard if you just Google. What are you looking? No. Not right now. Can we get hands up, please? So they met in 2020, fell in love at a beauty pageant, but decided to keep their love secret

because they thought that the world wasn't ready for two beauty queens. Yeah. How are those countries for conservative Argentina or Puerto Rico? Surely Puerto Rico feels like it would be a bit more liberal. Yeah. You know, they love to party. I don't know about Argentina. Wow.

But yeah, they kept their love secret and they took to Instagram where they said, after deciding to keep our relationship private, we've opened the doors to them on a special day we got married. Isn't that cute? Wow.

I know. Everyone's so just bizarrely sort of invested in the story. It's weird. I wonder why. It's so weird. Nobody hates this idea. There's so many same-sex couples in the world, and yet the world is, this is on every news website.

Yeah, but always in same-sex couples, one's not as good looking. Is that the same with hetero couples too? It is totally with hetero couples too? It is totally with hetero couples Someone's always better looking than the other one But with heterosexual couples You always kind of tend to lean towards the one that Is of your sexual interest, you know?

You see a guy and a girl and you're like Oh, she's better looking But then like Yes, Hayley Can you say the same of these two? But that's what I'm saying is I'm going to have to really spend some time later after the show.

I won't do it at work because it seems like it's probably, you know, it would be somewhat distracting during the show to go too much into my research. You probably need like a small space like your laundry to just really concentrate on these. Oh, no, no, I need to recline. Oh, I just need a little lie back and really, like, just see which one is the better looking of the two. I'm looking at a beautiful photo of them.

That's stunning. They're stunning. Which one's the dog? Which one's the absolute dog? Neither. That's the thing. Regardless of, you know, their gender or that they are both tens, I'm really going to need to see who's the one that's the less good looking.

You know what I mean? Really? I'd do this the same. It's probably the same if it would be equally as invested if there was a couple of homosexual gentlemen. Right. Who were both tens. I don't know if you'd be that interested.

I think I'd probably be even more interested. I don't think you would. Worth a trip to the laundry. Please don't sully my reputation. Honestly, how often do you clean your laundry too? That's why I got it tiled. The sin that goes on in that laundry.

It's a sinless laundry. Now the laundry in the last house we lived at. Absolute den. That's probably best burnt down, to be totally honest. Wow. Well, congratulations to Miss Argentina and Miss Puerto Rico. Who are now Mrs. Somewhere in the Middle.

Yeah. Mrs. Columbia. Yeah. I think that's how it works. Halfway. Yeah. Okay, all right. It's just nice to see some...

He's literally babbling Nice to see some nations uniting In these turbulent times I bet it's nice to see Vaughn Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley Well I won't lie It's something I've thought about When you lose a beloved family pet

Spending a bit But generally like My cat died But I don't want to talk about it Of course you don't but that all happened still too soon it's very soon

that all happened way too quickly like we found him he wasn't well took him to the vet they said he's not going to make it I know we were at your house I don't want to talk about it

that was when we we couldn't find him and then yeah we took him to the vet they said he's not going to make it so we had him put to sleep and then we buried him all within like a day.

Yes. Very emotional. Oh, God, it's horrendous. But we didn't get time to talk about what about taxidermy. And it was not the time of the year for taxidermy. It was the Christmas break. Where do you pop a cat while you're waiting for the taxidermist to open? You could have made a freezer.

Yeah, but I'm wondering, does the freezing deteriorate the skin or something? You know, if you put a steak in the freezer, it could get freezer burnt. Yeah, but you just, you pop it in the freezer and then you pop it in the microwave, but you have to put on defrost. Defrost.

Not just the normal sitting. Because that's the thing that's full of guts. And so if they all freeze, that's like an ice block. I don't want to get, this is a little bit of a grim chap. It's very grim. But I don't know how it all works,

but taxidermy kind of fascinates me. Yeah, same. We've got quite a bit of it. But I don't know how it all works, but taxidermy kind of fascinates me. Yeah, same. We've got quite a bit of it. I just Googled, like, how much would taxidermy be for a dog in New Zealand, but then I've gone, like, what's freeze-dried taxidermy? Freeze-dried taxidermy. I looked at this, not recently, but within the last year or two, because I thought about it as well, like, if Raleigh, when the time comes, you know,

but I think it's like without stuffing them and skinning them and making them look weird, you can just freeze dry them so that they're dry. Right. Like a biscuit. No, that's apparently, this is an article from, did you get like a biscuit? Like a wafer.

Yeah, like a wafer. But are they crumbly? I don't want a crumbly. Yeah. So this article is from 2015. It's saying that a dog would set you back $3,500 to $4,000. Oh, not happening. This is for freeze dry.

And the same price for a cat would be $800 to $900. Yeah. Not happening. Sorry. I was expecting like a couple of grand tops for a golden retriever. Yeah. Also, did you know Nelson invested in a pet cemetery,

a pet cremator? Yeah. I know someone that does pet cremations. So freeze-dry taxidermy is a very slow procedure of freezing the trophy by extracting all the water contained within the animal in the form of vapour from a low-pressure vacuum. So you put pop in them in the dehydrator?

Basically, you slow bake in them. Goodness me. And then, what, you just leave it on the rug on your floor? Surely they've got to put some polystyrene in the middle. Because my granddad had a deer head, but Nana said he wasn't allowed to have it inside, so they put it in the garage. But then like moths and stuff got to it.

I always remember it being the creepiest thing when I was a kid. You'd come around the corner in the garage, you'd be like, ha! Yeah. And his eye was like, la, la, la, la. Yeah, I don't know where you'd put it. Because it would be like, we thought we'd get Rolly curled up

and just pop him on the end of the couch. Yeah. Now, my Highland cattle may very well outlive me because these things live for like 25 years. Do they? Yeah, they live for a very long time, but I would 100% get the horns mounted on something. And the fur would make a beautiful throw. Well, someone's done this, haven't they? Yeah, but then they've done it with their golden retriever.

Made a throw. Made what they described as, the word freaked me out, pelt. Oh, yeah. Because, you know, you hear about like mink pelts. We've got a couple of reindeer pelts or like goat pelts, you know. Does your reindeer pelt like molten? Oh, my God, so much. How much hair does a reindeer have?

Because it feels like every time I shake that thing out, it loses half of it, but it's still very lush. I know. Ours is from Norway. We smuggled it home. Did you? Move on. Okay.

Nothing to declare. Nothing to declare. Was Aaron wearing it? Famous last words. Was he wearing it at the time? And he's like, I just travel as Jon Snow. He wasn't wearing it. Also, just on that, did you see they want to increase the fines

for like, you know, if you get caught with a reindeer pelt or an apple? They want to make it like $1,000 a thing. What's it now? $400. $400. See, reindeer pelt feels like a $1,000 fine, but a lost mandarin in the bottom of your bag feels like $400 still a bit steep. Yeah. But if you're knowingly smuggling in the pelt of a reindeer.

Nothing to declare. Nothing to declare. It could be slightly different. But, yeah, so this family didn't get their retriever, and as the owner of a golden retriever, it looks a lot like our retriever. Oh, triggering. They didn't get it. The skull's got no – the head's got no skull in it.

It looks deflated. It looks like somebody deflated their dog. It looks like somebody – like their dog sprung a leak and no one bothered to patch it. And all the air escaped out of it. It's creepy. If you make a rug out of a bear, the head, or like a zebra or whatever, the head is usually still inflated.

Yeah. Our family friend had a grizzly bear rug growing up. He shot it. What? He went to Alaska. Dude, this thing, when I was a kid, we went round there especially to see when it arrived. Like his dad's mate.

We went round there especially to see. And I just, I loved it so much. You roll on it and it was just like, oh. That's insane. It was, to think back on it, ghastly. What a piece. And he had it in this room with all of his other trophies Because he was a hunter

I felt the same when I went to Hayley's house the other weekend And she showed me her collection of ivory From elephants And I was like, that's a bit much Do you think it's a bit much? It's the grating it into the protein shake To give you sexual veracity Yeah, but I'm having the best sex of my life

You are horny Also, I will admit though Yeah, but I'm having the best sex of my life. You are horny. Also, I will admit though, the first piano I had that I inherited from an old lady who died down the road had ivory keys. Oh, wow. I know. Where is it now?

And I've never played better. When I moved to resin keys, they just were not the same. Retroactively cancelled? Yeah. Yeah. As a seven-year-old. Tingle the ivories.

Play. ZM's Fletchvorn and Hayley. Well, we talked quite a bit this year about Apple AirTags. Yeah, you love them. Love them. I've got a, I bought a four-pack before travelling to Australia and they were amazing. Put them on your suitcase, you could see they were in the same city.

You landed and you were like, there's my bag. It's here. And people all over the world have been sharing stories about approaching airlines over their lost baggage and saying, I know exactly where it is. I can see it. Especially in like places that were really struggling, like Heathrow.

Yeah. And people have even tracked them down, excuse me, to houses where people have stolen them I saw a tweet yesterday and it was like a guy saying Hey there, whatever airline It wasn't Air New Zealand I can't remember

And he was like Hey, just a heads up You said that my luggage was lost but I tracked your employee taking it all the way home This is their address if you could just see which of your employees My luggage was lost, but I tracked your employee taking it all the way home. This is their address. If you could just see which of your employees lives here and just tell them to bring it back, that'd be great.

And, like, that's what airlines are hating at the moment. How annoying would that be? They are. Hey, there's my bag. Air New Zealand weighed in on this matter yesterday because some airlines have tried to do this, but there's been, I think, too much of a backlash. So Air New Zealand yesterday said its customers

shouldn't be using baggage trackers in their checked luggage. They say that they're going to review the devices early next year. New Zealand's Aviation Security Service says it's not under any instruction to remove them from bags because they will, if you've got like battery packs or scooter batteries or whatever in your luggage, they will take those out sometimes. Jet staff say that passengers are welcome to use them.

Lufthansa a few months ago said, and we talked about this, said don't use them and then backtracked on that. But yeah, the NZ one is saying they're batteries, so they must be turned off if in check baggage But I mean, everybody, millions of people using them around the world You know, they haven't caused a problem yet, have they? They run on a watch, I don't know But they run on, I assume just about the size of them

They run on one of those skinny watch batteries, right? It is, yeah, it's one of those round, flat Yes Little batteries that you chuck in Yeah It is. It's one of those round, flat little batteries that you chuck in. Yeah. So AirTags in 2021 were estimated to have sold about 20 million, and this year alone, 35 million have been sold. Wow.

Because I want some, but not necessarily for travelling. No, I want one like in my handbag. Yeah. I do delete. Yeah. Yeah, I've got one in my bag and chuck one on my keys as well so handy um boyfriend yes and cat can you could put it as a cat on the vape producer just indicated Always looking for the vape On the vape Where my vape at Do vapes have Do the vapes ever have holes For lanyards to attach to

Yeah Yeah they do Some of them Yeah Wow T-rings and stuff Just like a handy Because that's the thing

You could have Beside your security thing there So you can always scan into work And have a hone on some cherry A vape on a lanyard No he likes grape Oh he's a grape boy Yeah he loves a bit of grape.

Play ZM's Fletch Vodden Ailey. Play ZM. It's Taylor Swift, anti-hero, taking out the top 10 spots in the Hot 100, the Billboard Hot 100 in America. The first artist to ever do that. And just announcing yesterday, a huge stadium tour throughout the United States. But no word if she'll branch out past the US our way. How is she going to get between stadiums?

Private jet? Probably, yeah. Yeah. How is she going to get from the stadium to back to a hotel? Probably another private jet. Probably a private jet. Yeah. Yesterday I told Ross Boss that I hadn't listened to the album

and he purposefully Took a sip of his drink And then Splurted it at us He spat it at you Yeah He spat at you Wow

Write that in the HR journal Yeah it's gotta go in the journal I will say it actually landed All over producer Anna R.I.P R.I.P She's gone Well yeah

Too late for her to start The HR process She's gone She's not even an employee anymore No Anyway I will listen to the album I I haven't listened to it Too late for her to start the HR process. She doesn't need an employee anymore. No. Anyway, I will listen to the album. I haven't listened to it.

It's long. There's like 20 songs. 20 songs? Carwin, tell her to wrap it up. What does she need 20 songs for? Can't she be a bit more concise? If there's 20 songs on it and she's got the top 10, how far down the Billboard 100 is it just solid Taylor Swift?

I don't know. What if it goes all the solid Taylor Swift? I don't know. What if it goes all the way to 20? I don't know. Carwen is lost without producer Anna. She can't even find the microphone. You just shut up. You just shut up and listen to your Taylor Swift album. Well, it's wedding season.

It is wedding season. I've got two before Christmas. You've got one or two. You've got one or two. I've got one New Year's Eve. Unusual, but nice. I've got one in February and I've got one in May. Yeah. They're bloody everywhere in the summer.

Now, we need to talk about this. The one on the New Year's Eve, Maddie McLean getting married, that's not a secret, is it? No. The wedding date? You've got your hearts on about it all the time. I was going to sell the photos I took to the magazines. Oh, right before they came.

I was going to put undercover paparazzi. But they said dress, what did they say in their invite? It was a real, like, I felt it was aimed at me, like, don't wear your hat and like don't wear shorts. It was like dress to impress or something. It's in the middle of summer. 100% aimed at you. I was going to go linen, burkies, shorts, linen shirt. That's what I'm thinking too.

Shorts and burkies. And maybe some pulled out bus driver socks. Absolutely not. You cannot do that. You're going to go burks and socks for a midsummer wedding. Absolutely cannot. Who are you? My father-in-law?

Oh, my God. please don't do this. But it's got to be like linen, right? But they said there was a line in the invite, like, you know, dress to impress or something. Dude, I'm getting strong Richard Branson vibes from you at the moment. No, dress to impress. Go full open shirt, double white linens. Yeah, that sounds good.

Go bare feet. If they say no Birkenstocks, have they ruled out bare feet? I like this idea. They better not be prickles in the lawn. I'm really upset about this. I've got to have another look at that invitation. I had fully planned for a very casual. No, you have to wear a linen shirt.

I forget the line. You have to wear a slack. Yeah. I'm telling you now, please don't wear shorts to Maddie and Ryan's wedding. Okay. All right. but if you were asked to give a speech, I've got some tips for you from a wedding planner and expert, someone who goes to a lot of weddings themselves

some do's and don'ts, do remember that size matters, now that doesn't mean get up there and talk about your whang, it means keep it short, keep it short, you can't say much if it's less than 700 words, but don't go over 1,300.

Okay. When you're writing, nice and tight. Keep it under 10 minutes. 10 minutes! Oh, that's too long. Absolutely not. No, three minutes. Even if you're like the father or the mother,

it's too long, 10 minutes. It's not about you. This wedding I'm going to in December, Aaron's brother, no speeches brother No speeches No speeches I love that I love it Oh no I want to hear

From the bride and groom No they'll speak But no dad No friends No maid of honour No groomsman I think I love that I love it too

When we finally get married Aaron and I TikTok TikTok No speeches Absolutely I'll do it on TikTok? Absolutely, I'll do it on TikTok. It'll be my second TikTok video. Include humour, of course.

Ideally, one joke within the first 30 seconds. But can I just say on that, don't print jokes out from the internet. No. Like, if you can't deliver or think of a joke, just don't do a joke. Yeah, please don't do a joke. Because you can always tell when

someone's ripped it off the internet. Well, on the back of that, the next step is be genuine. Avoid the cliches. And shout out to the bridesmaid. Don't they look beautiful today? Shut up. Oh, I know it's important to acknowledge the ladies. No. Oh my God, don't acknowledge the ladies, please.

Acknowledge the ladies. I've been acknowledged at a wedding a number of times. You don't like being acknowledged. No. Unlike you to not ladies. I've been acknowledged at a wedding a number of times. You don't like being acknowledged. No. Unlike you to not bathe in a little bit of attention on somebody else's day. Yeah, but my speech was next and that's where I got the attention. Oh, so you're like quit acknowledging the ladies. I'll acknowledge myself. I'll acknowledge myself.

Use notes. Don't be that person who's like, no, I don't need notes. And they get up there, you might be a little bit tousled or you might get really nervous suddenly and you don't have your notes and then your speech goes out the window. Have your notes. Don't be afraid of it. Be yourself.

I thought they said be yourself and controversial. Be yourself and conversational. So again, don't perform something that's terrible. And the last tip is rehearse. Don't just whim it and think, you know, that this is going to be all fine. Actually practice it. A couple of don'ts. Don't let your

speech turn into a tedious thank you list like running through everyone. That's so boring. It's not entertaining at all. Go up to them individually and thank them. Avoid too much embarrassment. Now I will apologise to my best friend at her wedding. What did you do?

That's when they called us the piss sisters, yeah. Oh wow. We weed the bedding. I shared too many stories of times we'd weed on each other. And don't drink too much alcohol. I mean, that goes without saying, doesn't it? Yeah. Get a bit loose-lipped, a bit lippy,

but start hitting on the mother of the bride-ish. Nish gate. Nish gate? Not good. What is nish gate? I don't know. Isn't it from Make the Parents? Isn't it like, you know, she's like, Nishkeet. Not good. What is Nishkeet? I don't know. Isn't it from Make the Parents?

Isn't it like, you know, she's like, oh, Nishkeet. I've never ever heard that word before. Never heard that before ever. Those last tips are Nishkeet. Play. ZM's Fletchvorn and Hayley. From the yummy ZM think tank, this is the top six. Oh, my God. Speaking of thirst, oh, my God.

Jason Momoa just posted a photo. He's pulling his pants down and showing off his undies. Oh, because he's doing an undies range. Did you know? Did you know? Buy now. Buy now. How do I buy the ones that you're wearing?

How do I buy this exact pair? No, these ones are clean. I don't want these. These are nice. Anyway, as you were informed. Well, maybe you could sell a pair of Jason Marmol's worn panties and He doesn't wear panties. As to

raise money for the Russian Army. This is what's happened so far. A lady by the name of Antonia. Antoninina. Antoninia. It's Antonia, but it's got another N and an I in there. Anyway, she's raised more than a million rubles for volunteer Russian army units. How much is a million rubles?

Currently, one million rubles is 27,000 New Zealand dollars. That's a lot of money. That's a lot of money. She's not raising it from New Zealanders

right? She's raising this online from other sympathisers. Must have been. Yeah. So she's on Telegram.

Which I don't know that's a social media array but it's all a bit. Or a messaging is it social and messaging? Yeah. Sure.

So police are investigating, but they're not commenting on the matter at the stage. She said, I'm in favour of providing even more help for our heroes. Let's support the army. Big Putin fangirl, this one. Gee, can we send her back there if she loves it so much? Yeah, I reckon. Seems like

the way to go, you know. I thought the general opinion was they shouldn't be doing what they're doing, but no, according to

this gal. Well, I've got the top six organisations I reckon you probably shouldn't be fundraising for in 2022. Okay.

Number six, the Monsanto Christmas Fund. These are the roundup folk Oh right Yeah Farmers love them don't they Farmers love them Because if you've watched

That documentary If they're genetically engineered Seeds blow onto your property And then grow They can just rock And be like That's ours now Which is crafted

Because you know seeds They love to blow Right Into the neighbouring properties And such Of course There was no dirty Don't you snigger like There was some dirty Double meaning seeds they love to blow. Right. Into the neighbouring properties and such. Of course. There was no dirty, don't you snigger like there was some dirty double meaning to that.

I was clearing my throat. He's got COVID. I've got COVID. As a man with some acreage, I'm dealing with seeds of weeds blowing in all the time. Well, put a fence up. Well, the fence isn't going to stop the seeds. We'll see you in court

with your loose fields. Yeah, true. Number five on the list of the top six organisations I don't think you should be raising money for in 2022, the Harvey Weinstein New Walking Stick Fundraiser. Yeah, he does need a new stick. A lot of weight bearing down on that. Really, he's leaning

on that stick now, isn't he? Yeah. Alright, number four on the list of the top six organizations I don't think you should be raising money for in 2022, the ISIS Toyota Hilux fundraiser. They love a Toyota Hilux, don't they? Love a Hilux. Love a Hilux. And they need new ones because they're always just

thrashing them through the desert and never checking the oil. Now, if you're in extreme conditions like a desert, you need to keep an eye on your oil and water. Have they tried a Ranger? A Ford Ranger? Too expensive. No, look, Isis are Isis but they're not arseholes. Even Isis are like no, no, not the Ford Ranger.

They're not an arsehole. Doesn't Aaron have a Ranger? No, he's got a BT-50. He's got a Mazda BT-50. Oh, okay. The rebadged Ranger, isn't it? It's exactly the same. It's got a Toyota engine. You can Oh, okay. The rebadged Ranger, isn't it? It's exactly the same. It's got a Toyota engine. You can literally open it up and it's Toyota. It's got a Toyota engine and a Mazda,

but we're saying it's a Ford Ranger. Oh, sorry, a Ford. A Ford engine. It's the same thing. Right, it's a rebadged A-hole. Yeah. Some guy in a Ford Ranger pulled up right behind me last night when I was pulling into my driveway,

right behind him, then turned on his light bar. I was like, wow, you weren't obnoxious enough. You've got a light bar. A light bar? Why was he doing that? I don't know. He wanted me to pull into my driveway at 50km an hour without braking to indicate to turn? Who knows?

Shout out to all the Ford Ranger drivers. Just back off a little bit. The car that you're following would really like you and your car that's two foot high, then just pull back just a smidge, man. Number three on the list of the top six organisations I reckon you probably shouldn't be raising money for in 2022

are the Trump Towers and SeaWorld Tank Refurbishment Funds. Gee, that's great, though. That's a big whammy. Number two on the list of the top six organisations you probably shouldn't be raising money for in 2022, the Marlborough Cigarettes Children's Recruitment Drive. Yeah, no, no, that's a no as well. Yeah, it's kind of on the down low

because children shouldn't be smoking. Well, we haven't proven that. Think back to the good old days. I think we have. Kids got up to all sorts of things and they were always puffing on a ciggy. Yeah, they loved a durry. And number one on the list of the top six organisations

I reckon you probably shouldn't be raising money for in 2022, Kony 2012. I've got an annual... Are you still donating to Kony? Annual donation. Well, happy 10-year anniversary of donating to Kony 2012. So does that mean it's... Yeah, it is.

So that's 10 years since he had a mental breakdown and got naked and danced on the street. Speaking in tongues, he jumped on top of the car and played with himself. Yeah, quite. That's right. Quite publicly. What an end to that. A big public masturbation scandal.

That was. I mean, it's how everybody wants everything to end, right? Oh, God. Sure. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley. Yesterday, I showered twice. I showered thrice. Did you shower thrice.

Did you shower thrice? Once before work, once after the gym, once before bed. If you shower after the gym, you definitely don't need to have one before bed. No, because then I went into the sweaty yard work. Oh, okay. You've got to have a shower before bed. Yeah, you drink. I saw a very good point someone said this week.

Hey, people that only shower in the morning, how does it feel dragging all of your day's muck into your sleeping situation? Yeah. And those are the same people that wash their sheets once a month. Yeah, yeah. Mankey. I mean, every now and then I would forgo a pre-bed shower, but I shower pre-bed and I very rarely shower in the morning. Right.

Because we get up so early and I'm like, well, there's no point. shower in the morning because we get up so early and I'm like, well, they're going to tell me I stink. There's no point. So, yeah, but most people would shower once a day at least, twice a day maybe. But a hygiene and topical medicine specialist, Professor Sally Bloomfield from the London School of Hygiene, has told the world that we don't really need to shower.

Now, we definitely don't need to bathe or shower every day. We definitely don't need to. Is that because of the oils on our skin? Yeah, also it's like you're washing them off. And in fact, she says we don't need to bathe and shower at all.

She's yucked. She's lost her job. She's yucked. So's lost her job. She's yucked. So there are microbes on our body that produce nasty odours, right? You stink. But they are not harmful to us. And the reason we bathe and shower is that we want to get rid of the smell and we want to feel comfortable. That's fine.

But as far as preventing disease or illness, it's not important at all. We don't need to shower or wash at all. The reason we do it is to be socially acceptable. Yeah. Wait, she's teaching where to... The smell. Yeah, it's like I don't want to stink myself, let alone the social side of it.

Yeah. Yeah, she said we do it in the summer to get rid of sweat, to make us feel more comfortable, but we also have harmless bugs that set up home in places that are dark and moist. This chick's crotch, the pits. She's manning the crotch. This chick's grubby.

They break down sweat and they break down urine to produce nasty odours. So you pissed yourself and you're sweaty. You're peeing all over us? Which makes us unacceptable to other people. So those are the reasons that we shower. It's got absolutely nothing, no evidence to prove that showering actually helps with, you know, preventing illnesses or diseases.

Well, for the sake of your friends, family, lovers, workmates, shower. Yeah. Or, you know, just get a good perfume and keep spraying that around. We should chuck out that little hack we just talked about. Oh, no, we're going to talk about that next and what kind of deodorant use. What a lovely lead-in to our silly little poll next on the show. It's a hygiene thing. Yes.

And if you feel like you're being targeted, then we weren't specifically targeting you, but if you've acknowledged you've got a problem, then yes, we are targeting you. Your friends contacted us and just asked us to subtly mention hygiene so that their friend would wash and not smell so much. Silly Little Pole today. What kind of deodorant do you prefer?

Three options. Roll on. Second option. Speedstick or gel. This is the one that's shaped sort of overly generally and you click it around at the bottom and it pushes a little bit more up and you get to use that. Or spray-on deodorant, the classic.

Links are frical. Voodoo. Voodoo. The aerosol deodorant. This blew me away. The results, blue flitches mine. One of my favourite jokes. Do you remember the show Not the Nine O'Clock News?

Yes. And there's a sketch with a Swedish chemist shop and he comes in and he says, I would like to buy some deodorant. And the chemist goes, ball or aerosol? And the guy goes, neither. It is for my armpits. Ball

or aerosol? That's good. Oh, it's one of my favourites. That is good. Roll on absolutely stealing the show Yeah two thirds of people said roll on I think we do have From seeing previously I think we do have a slightly

More female skewed Social media following Because I think in general less hair So like because I can imagine putting on a very hairy armpit, a roll-on would feel quite full on. Oh, it pinches the hair. Oh, yeah. The hairs get in between the ball and the side.

Yeah, it grows. And the next time you take the lid off, there's a couple of rogue pubes in there. Pubes in there, yeah. But even, I'll go for a trim. I know, Vaughan, you're a pit trimmer too. Big pit trimmer. Big pit trimmer.

I've removed my ability to grow hair in my armpits, so I'm a trimmer. You've lasered it off, haven't you? Lasered it off. But even a roll-on or a speed stick, a gel, like, you've got to have time to dry, whereas with a spray, you put your t-shirt on, you spray, you're done. Yeah, but I don't feel like it's in me. I don't feel like it's on me or in me.

It's on you. I don't feel like it is, you know, I need to feel the wetness. With no hair under the armpits, you'd get even more from a spray-on, but no hair under the armpits, you'd get even more from a spray-on. But no hair under the armpits means a speed stick or the gel. I'm a gel. It's revolutionary. I change to it and I shan't be returning.

No, the gel's where it's at, the speed stick gel. You get longer antiperspirant, like you get longer no sweat pits without the wetness of the roll-on. Yeah. Because the roll-on's a little witty boy, little witty ball. The gel's a bit wet, but I like the gel. Right. I got the balmy stuff.

Yeah, no, that's why you always turn it with deodorant stains on your T-shirts. No, that one yesterday was because I had to revert to an old one. So 66% of people use roll-on, 12% use speed stick and 21% is still spraying. Josh, spray their lads. Lads, lads, lads, lads. Spray, easy, no lid and wakes me up in the morning when the

nozzle's facing the wrong way and I spray myself in the eyes. Yeah, it's a good way to wake up. Jane says, spray all the way. I can't be bothered waiting for the roll-on to dry and if you don't wait for it to dry, or even if you do, it makes your T-shirts all cakey under the pits. Yeah, gross, cakey. She should try it.

Here I will tell you, Jane, you should try the Speed Stick then because you don't get that. Welcome to the Speed Stick world. Olivia says, summer strength Rexona is life-changing. It's spinny, but just try it once and you'll never go back, says Liv. What is that? Is that a posh Rexona? It's a Rexona, but you know Rexona's always been a bigger bottle.

It's a smaller bottle for both genders. Oh, right. Males are smaller, females are smaller. It's like extra strength because they reckon you don't need as much. Yeah. So that's from Olivia. Nikki said, I cannot stand how roll-on leaves your armpits feeling wet. Is that not what we're trying to avoid?

It is the worst. Henry says, get stuck in your underarm hair and spray us for high school locker room. Screw up and get roll-on. Now, I would have thought roll-on got stuck in the underarm hairs as much. Henry, trim the underarm hairs. Welcome to the trim world.

Just when you're doing a little bit of a tidy up, and you should be doing a little bit of a tidy up, Henry, if we ask this of our lovers, we should only expect it of ourselves, a little bit of a tidy up of the body hair situation. Just give the underarms that once over. Thin it right out. Length it right down. Henry sounds bushy.

Henry's a bushy boy. He sounds bushy. Henry McBusherton. And he says, hit it with the roll-on first and follow it up with a spray. It cements it all down. Oh, no. She's a double dipper. That's too much.

That's too much. That's too much. Too much aluminium. And Tom said, because the only people who buy roll-on are tight asses who want an excuse not to share their deodorant with people. And you can't smell roll-on on people anyway. Yeah, I'd say you're right there, Tom. It's more about the antiperspirant when you're going for a roll-on than a spray.

Yes. The world we live in. I Yes. The world we live in. The world we live in. Alright, well, it is a crazy world that we live in because the cost of living are skyrocketing. Interest rates, OCR, prices, petrol, up, up, up.

Are you just saying words? We've got bad News Brad in studio. He's really looking to drop that name and become Good News Brad. Yes. Just like the Good News Bible. The Bad News Bible doesn't sell. They don't put that in your hotel bedside drawer, do they? I only want to know the good news.

Yeah. So got any, Brad? Well, yeah, the unemployment rate is low, 3.3%. Lots of people are in jobs. beds are a draw, do they? I only want to know the good news. Yeah. So, got any, Brad? Do you want me to start? Well, yeah, the unemployment rate is low, 3.3%. Lots of people are in jobs. The highest employment rate we've ever had in this country. So there are lots of people in jobs. That is good news.

There's challenges, yeah, but that's a good starting point. Lots of people in jobs. But doesn't that mean that people are going to have more money and spend more and then inflation's going to get higher and then it's just a terrible cycle? It's a vicious balance, yep, but starting from lots of people and jobs, I mean, put it

this way, easier to pay the bills when you've got a job than not. So we take that as the win. We know that we've probably over-egged it a little bit too much, but you're asking for good news and I'm delivering it a little bit this morning. Is that it? It's insane. It's insane to me. We live in a society where if everybody has jobs,

everything costs more. Why do we do that? Yeah, I mean, it's not great. I think also recognising that not everyone always does have a job. There's always people that might be sort of moving out of the workforce to do other things. They might be moving into training. They might be having children and similar.

But also people often, if you're going from one job to another, if I quit my job today and moved, I'm not going to want to start on Monday, you know, the new job, I'm probably going to want a few weeks off and similar. So there's always what we call sort of, there's an element of unemployment that is natural, but I think what we're seeing at the moment as well is that we're struggling to find people to do the work. You look, I mean, construction sector is a good example, right? I want a builder and having lots of builders and builders having work is good news. Having a builder that I can only find in one year's time to do the work when I need the work done now, a little bit too good of the news.

Very good for the builder, but not good for me if I need work done. So there's a balance there in terms of you want as much work as possible, but you also want to be able to achieve stuff with that work rather than having a massive backlog that builds. We've got some amazing messages in from our listeners, but I feel like the number one thing is when is the peak of all this badness and when is it going to start to come down and resettle? I feel like next year is going to be pretty tough,

to be honest. I mean, you look at people's mortgage rates. I've got a friend who bought their house back in November last year, peak of the market. What are they rocking, a 2.3? 2.2, I think. They need to find $24,000 extra next year. That's a huge amount of cash.

Just to cover their mortgage? That's just the additional bit to cover their mortgage. So that's covering the mortgage, not covering everything else. Yep, all the added fuel in there. I know, and I read an article this morning that was about a guy who had bought a house and not only can he not afford the new interest rates, but the value of his house has decreased so much. He's in negative equity.

Same with my friend, $24,000 more next year. If they had to sell their house, they're going to make $200,000 less than what they originally purchased it for. That's challenging. And I think realistically the difference here and what's going to happen is you've got a lot of people on those lower mortgage rates at the moment.

We know that the cliff is coming, but they haven't actually refixed on those higher rates. When they do, people's household budgets are going to have to slam shut. It's very much you go straight to the baked beans diet, but there are some people that they can probably just make it work at the current borrowing rates. We think they're going to keep going higher, and if that's the case, then there are some people

that are definitely in some strife. Okay, this has been messaged in more than once. Brad, do I fix now on my mortgage for one year at 5% or two years at 6%? Someone also said, tell me what Brad's going to do. Because I recently... Oh, I wish I had my house that I could put a mortgage on. At the moment, actually more than happy not to

given Wellington prices have dropped so much. Wellington's prices went crazy though, didn't they? So is this just a resettling? I think what you're seeing is that the places in the country that are seeing the largest house price falls at the moment are Auckland and Wellington. And it's because they went up so much. It's crazy. But also because remember last year in Wellington and Auckland, you needed to go to the bank

and they needed to give you a million dollars in debt. That's how much you were borrowing. And it means that now with those higher interest rates, they're looking at people and going, look, you might have good earnings potential, but you can't repay that much. I'm not going to give you that many money bags, which means that again, when you go, when those buyers go out into the market, they're trying to buy a house, the seller's saying, look, I want a million dollars. And the borrowers are saying, I ain't got that much from the bank. So unless you're willing to bring the price down, there is no deal to be done today. I think to be honest, and look, the big one here is go

and talk to your financial advisor because there's a lot in this. There's a lot of personal circumstance but what I would say is that we keep lifting our expectations for how high interest rates will go. That's the big one for me. Just on the back of that, because I recently, I was telling the guys, I reached out to you personally, Brad, and I said, help

me, Brad, help me. I think I wrote you a tome on Instagram. She showed us. I was like. Absolute novel for me. He's at the pulpit. He's preaching. I was asking you for some advice around, you know, borrowing more money and renovating

in this time with house values going down. And you said, you know, you gave me some great advice, but you also said go and speak to your financial advisor. I don't have one. I think a lot of people wouldn't have a financial advisor. What is that role? How does that relationship work? Well, see, for a lot of people, I'd hope in a sense that if they're looking at buying a house, you sort of need to go and talk to a mortgage broker or someone like that. And hopefully they can either do it themselves

in terms of giving you some advice or put you into the right path in terms of who to talk to. But there's also a lot of great people out there. I mean, some of them I know because they're in media and they also do some sort of financial advice and that on the side. But I think it's one of those things where you want to make your money work for you. Everyone's circumstances are different. You know, if you've got a good job, if you're well paid and similar, you're feeling a little bit better. And a lot of it is also running those scenarios. So look, I mean, when we forecast these things, we were forecasting the official cash rate to peak at 3.5%. We forecast that back in July. Come through to August, we raised that

pick to 4%. By September, it was 4.5%. It's currently 5.25%. So I mean, even the forecast is we're all just almost racing ourselves to go higher and higher. So it is uncomfortable. We know households are going to be hit, but we also know that the pressures we're under with inflation and similar are hard. So take that advice, run some scenarios, you know, look at those interest rates and go, if the interest rate was, I don't know, seven and a half percent, what would my budget look like? How much are my repayments looking like? Do I have some money, you know, if my pet gets hurt or if I need to make, you know, some repairs to my car? If you're going to run those scenarios and you're feeling comfortable

enough, then maybe you're in a better position. But run those scenarios, run your numbers, you know, get the old spreadsheet out or find a friend who can do it for you. But get off floating. At the moment, that one doesn't seem great. And I mean, the other thing that I've heard from a lot of people is, you know, for a lot of people that are asking, well, should I have fixed for longer? And the question, the answer to that is always, if you're asking the question, it's probably too late. But the big thing at the moment for a lot of people is they are looking more at those two to three year terms sometimes

because it's stable. They know exactly what their repayment's going to be for two years. You can budget around that. Yes. A question because house prices are down at the moment. For some people, that's a good thing. They want to buy a house. Someone messaged saying, hi, Bad News Brad.

I want to see that next time you're on the news. I'm going to get like a little name badge made up when I come in. We're going to show engraver. We can definitely get that done when you come in. We'll just pop it in front of you. Can you tell me if it's a good time to buy a commercial property right now? See, now commercial property is a bit different. Like res property, if I was buying a house,

I'd be a little bit nervous. I wouldn't be buying it for investment purposes. I'd want it, you know, to put a roof over my head. Commercial property, I think, depending on what it is, there's some more opportunities. Supply chains across the world have been disrupted. That means that in New Zealand, we're making more warehouses to store stuff

when we order it in. But also, we're constructing more factories and similar. So, again, do your homework, ask for the prospectus and similar, but yeah, commercial property looks a little bit more attractive. Big question at the moment, I think for a lot of people is they're asking a lot and I expect there might be some questions in there. Where am I making money this year? And I think the answer to that is possibly not how do you make money this year? How do you not lose as much? We know that house prices are down. We know that the stock markets aren't looking great. That is the greatest thing I've ever heard.

Not how do I make money this year? How do I not lose money this year? Well, you guys, I mean, look, if you looked at your KiwiSavers right now, your Sharesies account, your house. Dude, I just said to Vaughan, I need to get out of Sharesies. I need to get out. But this is a big thing as well,

is that if you think you're in the game for the short term, unless you're putting three phones to your ear every day and yelling out stock prices like you see in the movies, people should be thinking about it for the long term. I mean, my shares account looks atrocious at the moment, but I'm waiting. I'm holding. I'm just going to let it settle.

I'm sure that five years from now, because I don't need the money right this second, there will be better things to come. Bit of a bounce back. That was a bit of good news. Did you get a bit of that? He said in five years. I'm still thinking about how can I not lose as much money.

I was going to say the vibe check's still bad. I want to buy a commercial property, but only so I can slide open a massive door. I know we've got like thousands and thousands of questions. We could sit here all day, but I know we're short on time. Just this final message because I think this is interesting. We're talking a lot about interest rates for homeowners. What does it mean for renters?

At the moment, I think across the country, we're still seeing that rents are pretty high, but we have seen some early moves in that space where they seem to be pulling back a bit. Now, I don't think that means that everyone's rents all of a sudden are going to get cheaper, but depending on where you are, particularly Auckland and sort of Wellington CBDs,

there are some better deals on offer. And I think with the population as it is, we know that more young people are leaving the country at the moment and they are likely to be renters. There's possibly some better deals on offer. It's certainly not going to be amazing and just cheap rent everywhere in the most fantastic houses, but maybe things won't be getting as bad. Some stability is good. But a supply and demand situation there. Absolutely. So what do we do? Was that some more good news? as bad. Some stability is good. But a supply and demand situation there. Absolutely. So

what do we do? Was that some more good news? Cry? Do we cry? Here's a question. When do we cry? I'm crying on the inside. Someone wants to know, does Bad News Brad have socials? Can we follow him? Oh, absolutely. I'm pretty sure, oh gosh, you're asking hard questions now. It's

bradolsonnzl I think across all of them. There's two Ns in there, and I say that because I had a fake social media account set up on me recently. Wow. And they were sending some real detailed messages. You know how normally it's like, buy some crypto or something? Yeah. This one was having full-on chats with people.

Oh, really? And it was real strange. But yeah, no, I don't have a blue tick or anything, but yeah. I'll post something later. I'll tag the team here and maybe if you'll give me a reshare. Yeah, yeah, we can totally. Absolutely. Can I also just shout out,

if you go to Brad Olsen's Instagram, you get to enjoy his Halloween costume. The spookiest thing in this Halloween season, I dressed as the scariest thing I could think of, an inflation rate. Exactly. You dressed as 7.2%. And just to be clear,

it won best costume at the party I was at, which I was pretty impressed. Also, my Instagram is blowing up. This is hilarious. I love this. Hey, the power of radio. You guys have got some great listeners. Power of radio.

Brad, as much as you are full of just the worst news, we always love chatting to you. Thank you so much. Good to be in. So we just talked bad news, Brad. If you missed us, everyone's at a bloody loss of what to do. And Producer Jared, jump on the mic, JP. He's actually in your spot, Fletch.

He's pushing the buttons. He is pushing the buttons. He's doing more than that. But Producer Jared, you shared a story this morning of a guy who's really hustling to save a buck. Yeah, he takes his own slice of processed cheese to the fast food place he goes to. Oh, I think I saw this.

Because a hamburger's less expensive than a cheeseburger, right? Yeah, and he worked out the difference between the price. He could provide his own cheese for less. Like buying one of those tasty packs of 10. I love those. Yeah, and you fold them over and then fold them over and fold them over and fold them over. And then they break and tear open.

And then you tear them off like yum, yum, yum, yum. Do you ever do that fold, fold, fold, fold, fold? It might take a couple of pieces. Fold, fold, fold, fold, fold. And they crack and you get thin strips of them and then you plait them. No. Just me? No. Don't play with your food. And then you pl of them and then you plait them. No. Just me.

No. You plait them. Don't play with your food. And then you plait them and then you, like, cook them on the hamburger or whatever. I don't know. It just adds a little Jenny Say Quat to a meal, you know? Did you know you can only fold a piece of paper

or anything seven times? Yeah. Yeah. And you could fold it half and half again. And half and half again. So looking online, you can buy a Chesedale 12 pack of tasty singles for $4.20.

You're a tasty single. Thank you. Sorry, I'm feeling silly suddenly because I can't face what Bad News Brad told us. I'm reverting to immaturity as my fallback defence mechanism. The bank

rings, your automatic payment is now going through. You're a poo-poo. You're a poo-poo. Poo-poo, poo-poo-doo-poo. Mr. Smith. Give me money, give me money. Mr. Smith, we're going to come and sell your house. Try to take my house, Mr. Poo-poo Bray.

So, Fletch, if you divided that, what does it work out to per slice? 35 cents a slice of cheese. So, you're definitely saving money. But then my problem is the good thing about, you know, when you buy like a cheeseburger or a quarter pounder is that the cheese is melted. Yeah. It's melted.

It's in there. It's part of it. Yeah, it's part of it. And then if you're adding your own, it's not going to melt, is it, the same? I also just feel like in the face of 2022, that amount of saving is not really going to make a dent. Yeah.

No, but then I'm guessing it all adds up, right? It does all add up. If you're getting a lot of cheeseburgers. But then wouldn't it be cheaper to not eat cheese? I mean, if he's worked this out, this is probably also

the cheapest way for him to eat. No, but the cost of groceries, right? It is cheaper to eat that food. Well, we want to know what is your tip to save a buck? I mean, there's the obvious things, right? I'm tightening my belt and I'm not going out as much and all this stuff.

But do you have a crafty way, a crafty cheese way, like this guy, of how you are sort of taking some of the costs out of your life, shaving a bit of costs off? I mean, especially after talking to Brad, you know, like there's a storm coming. Yeah, I used to do this in Edinburgh at the cast bar of the Tattoo. We used to BYO liquor in your bag and you'd go up to the bar

and you'd order a soda water and you'd just be like, three sodas, please. And then you'd go and you'd drop your own liquor into it, saving, saving, savings. And then they'd only figure it out when it was like your tenth soda water and you could be the one to order. What are you guys putting in your soda water? Yeah.

But you know like some bars and clubs, like if you get like, say you get like a big Coke or a big lemonade or a soda, it's like seven or eight bucks still. Yeah, I know. Whereas it should be like three, right? Maybe take your own two litre bottle. You've got to get a soda stream.

I know, I know. We'll take your soda stream. Tell us your crafty way. BYO soda stream. I'm. We'll take your SodaStream. Tell us your crafty way. BYO SodaStream. I'm nipping back out into the car. You've got a handbag big enough for a SodaStream, right? We can take that to the club. Absolutely. I'm taking the SodaStream to the club.

And I'll wear a backpack with, it's thermally lined it'll have ice in it. We don't need anything from these people apart from their venue. I thought you were going to have the bladders of syrup. The flavours. Yeah, yeah. And you can just little squirt into the soda stream. A soda gun. I would rock in with soda guns.

The syrup on one side, the carbon dioxide on the other, and I just back up to them. I'm like, can you please pop this into a sink of water? Yeah. Yeah, easy. All right, well, 0800DARLS.AM, give us a call. You can text in your tips as well to 9696. What is your crafty tip that you are doing to save a buck?

Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley. We had our senior economist Brad Olsen in before Bad News Brad. It's doom and gloom. We've talked about the man who buys hamburgers and then adds his own cheese slices to save money. Yeah, so we wanted to know your crafty ways of saving just a buck. It all counts. Some great messages coming through.

Oh, my God, insane. Dude, I'm going to start with a couple of real high-end ones. Okay. I found out you could buy online leg catheter bags. Now, a catheter bag is when you're in hospital, it stops you urinating, it just slowly drains it. Yes. And it straps to the leg.

I've had one. It's supposed to be discreet. Well, somebody said, you can fill those things up with bourbon, and when you go to the club, you just pop the straw out and give it a little squeeze, and you can squeeze bourbon into the Cokes, which is significantly cheaper. And they don't put you down at the club, do significantly cheaper. And they don't pat you down at the club, do they? No, they don't pat you down at the club. They're not going to get in there

where the catheter bag is. How about this? Some friends and I got sick of paying bar prices for margaritas. So we just started taking our own blender to Auckland's loosest BYO. What? And they couldn't care less.

So we went to BYO with a Nutribullet. Is that new flavour? Please tell me that's new flavour or Canton. Yeah, because remember, we went to new flavour and we drank non-wine or beer. Oh, yeah. And we thought it was naughty. They don't give a toss.

They don't care. Wow. At least ours looked like it could be beer or wine. It was in cans. Yeah. These people are ripping out a mug. And a bottle of tequila. Yeah.

I would like to know if that person is still listening, what is the loosest BYO? Sounds like a hell of a place just to go for a bit of a person watch. It is the weekend tomorrow. We want to know your money-saving tips. A man takes his own cheese slices and makes hamburgers cheeseburgers. Why not, you know? And we're hearing from other people with neat little money-saving tips.

I'm loving all of these. Yeah, I'm loving them too. We've got Michaela on the phone. Michaela, how do you save a bit of cash in these hard times? You just shower at the gym, especially if you're on a hair wash day or you need to shave your legs. Yeah, mate. But I've taken some money.

Sign up to City Fitty, $7 a week. City Fitty. City Fitty. City Fitty. $7 a week and your power bill will definitely decrease. But are you doing, are you in a flat or are you a homeowner or are you the only person? I'm a homeowner.

Oh, okay. So this works because this is the other thing about flats. You could be doing all you can, but some flatmates will just not be bothered. You're doing the work, so why should they have to? Well, if you sign the flatmates up to a journey to hell. Yeah, welcome, welcome, welcome on board. Yeah, no, yeah. Welcome on board.

Nothing's worse than a flatmate going on about that. Welcome on board this boring-ass train. But then, like, how much money are you going to have to spend when you get athletes foot from City Fitty in the showers? Yeah, that's true. You know? You're going to pay the jandals. You're going to pay the jandals. Oh, I see. You're going to pay the City Fitty in the showers. Yeah, that's true. Take your jandals.

Jandals in the shower. That little tube of ointment's what, nine bucks? That's only one week. Wear jandals in the gym shower. You have to. You have to. It's a must. Squeaky squeaky. Great tip though. Although your gym memberships will go up if everybody starts doing this. Hopefully not.

It's an economy of scales and the gyms can afford to do it because they're doing it en masse. Michaela, thank you for your call. Jess, what about you? How are you saving money at the moment? Hi. I am saving money on petrol.

How? You know how BP have the AA Smart Fuel card? Indeed. Indeed, yes. So every Wednesday or Friday and Saturday. Aren't they the most expensive petrol station to go to? You won't go to BP.

You've got to head up a gull, babe. You've got to sit your sights low and go to gull. Yeah, well, even better if you're outside Auckland. But so every Wednesday or Friday and Saturday, I will fill up my car. My car takes $120 worth of gas. So every $40 I spend, I save 10 cents. And so I do three different transactions of $40. I save the 30 cents every week. And then after three or four weeks, I've accumulated like $2 off and I go to the petrol station and I fill up my car

and it costs me like $15. Wow. Wait, what? Yeah, so it stacks. So every time, so you just fill up your car, you put in $120, you only get the initial savings,

the one lot of $40. Yeah, you only get the one, yeah. So you stop every time it hits $40 and it stacks. And you just keep stacking it. This is genius. I know it's genius. I was almost too scared to say it on radio. you just keep stacking it. This is genius. I know it's genius. I was almost too scared to say it on radio.

No, no, no. At least you're lined up in your car behind Jess and she keeps pumping $40 and takes 10 minutes. Hey, I'm quick and efficient. You use the app in and out. You don't have to go inside. You use the app. You don't have to embarrass yourself.

Good for you. That is so good. This is so cool. I love this. I'm have to embarrass yourself by liking that. Good for you. That is so good. This is so cool. I love this. I'm going to do this. Do it. Honestly, it's a really good feeling when you go to pay and you've filled up your whole car and you're like, oh, $15.

Because I did this with Zed, and every time you'd swipe whatever card you were using, it would tell you how many cents you were saving a liter. Does it do that at the BP one in the app? On my app, it tells me that, I mean, last year I saved $1,500 on fuel. Can you max it out? Can you max it out?

Is there a limit where you effectively are going to be paying like two cents a litre? Well, I've been doing this for probably two years and I haven't ever been maxed out. Yeah, they haven't got to a point where they're like no, you can't save any more perlina. This is a genius hack, Jess. Thank you so much. You get to the point

where they actually have to pay you to take the gas away. Yeah, take it. Take it. And here's $50. Get out of here. Thanks for your call, Jess. Some more messages, please, Vaughn. Ah, yeah, somebody said the slow cooker. That is the ultimate money saver, in my opinion.

You can just buy the cheapest, rubbishy. Can of crap. Yep, and pop it in there. Even the cheapest cuts of meat come out mint because they take so long to cook. That's a great call. Great idea. To save a buck, I take sachets of tea and sugar and coffee from hotels and work functions. Yeah, man, why not? They're free.

Always a bit yuck. Always a bit of a manky brand day. Always. It's always a mank coffee, yeah. It's mank coffee. Somebody else is saying don't blame the bars and restaurants for having expensive drinks. We're too expensive. We're just trying to figure out a way around them.

We've had multiple reports of people taking not beer and not wine to BYOs and the BYO is turning an absolute blind eye to it. Yeah, one day that's going to come to an end with an Auckland council sting, isn't it? But until then... A licensing inspection. Yeah, when some council undercovers walk in with a bottle of tequila and a bag of ice and some margarita flavour in a blender and they're like, is this okay?

And the person's like, yes. And they're like, you lost your liquor licence. Oh, no. Then we won like, you lost your liquor license. Oh no. Then we won't be laughing, will we? Play ZM's Fletch for the Nelly. Play ZM. It's Bad Memories Medusa. Ali Due,

that was, well, it's on my gym playlist when I can go to the gym. Yeah, does it absolutely pump you up, does it? Pumping. I don't know if you'll be allowed back in the gym after you absolutely sneezed COVID around. I didn't know I had it. No, does it? Pumping. I don't know if you'll be allowed back in the gym after you absolutely sneezed your COVID around. I didn't know I had it. No, they gave it to him. Yeah, well, it was either that or the Kings of Leon concert.

Yeah. Right. Who knows? Well, when you get back on the horse, Fletch, once you've recovered from your COVID, I've got the tip for you to get an even better workout than the workout you're having. Yeah, stop perving and concentrate on it.

Oh my God, I know. Anytime I come down to the gym and he's there, he's absolutely just like... What? This is liable. Okay, go over. He even texts me. He even texts me because I'm always upstairs in the women's gym and he's downstairs in the mixed gym.

And he always texts me when there's hotties down there. Yeah, he's a real... Excuse me, Hayley Jane Sproul. You were the one that was like, oh my God, the French women's rugby team's here. Shut your mouth. You text me and see it. You said the Italian women's rugby team was here.

Yes. Come down and have a look. And then Hayley did the strut pass them in the changing room so they could see the dumper. Yeah. You told me about those women. I happen to need to go to the toilet and get changed at the same time that they were down in the changing rooms

and I was wearing a small pair of undies and I had a little walk-by. Proud of my dumper. Well, when you get back in the gym and you want a good workout, this is something I remember hearing about years ago when I first got into following people on Instagram, like fitness people. It's like candy before a workout.

Having some lollies, some sour lollies, some gummy bears, some fizzy worms before your workout. And what, they have to be sour? Well, they don't necessarily have to be sour, but sour lollies are higher usually in carbohydrates because they're covered in sugar. Because they've got the little fizz on the outside. But I'm going to the gym to get rid of that.

I know. But by going to the gym without being properly fueled, and it's not properly fueled, but it's a bit of a hack, but without being fueled by the right macronutrients, your workout might not be as powerful as if you just gave yourself a bit of a treat and then had a more powerful workout. But I've got this packet of micronutrients on the front here underneath my titties.

Yeah. You've got it. My guts. That's my pack of nutrients that I'm taking back, micronutrients on the front here underneath my titties. Your guts. My guts. That's my pack of nutrients that I'm taking back, micronutrients, that I'm taking to get rid of. I've got some hard,

I've got some soft jubes all over my body. I've got a collection of soft jubes here on the ass. I'm trying to get them to change from soft jubes to hard jubes. Yeah, I want some hard jubes. I want six hard jubes,

I want six big hard jubes here. Yeah. want some hard jubes. I want six hard jubes, I want six big hard jubes here. Yeah. You want six big pineapple lumps. Yeah. Six pineapple lumps. Or mallow puffs or whatever. So people sharing these TikToks, they're saying that their workouts

are actually burning more calories? Burning more calories when they're fueled by a really highly concentrated sugary sweet, like a lolly. Now, I was researching this because, yeah, I've read about this for ages, and especially people who lift heavy. Right, so these are already people who are slim.

They're lifting. It's for people who are going to go heavy and hard. So maybe if you're like a cardio-based person. That's not me. I'm a cardio person. That's you. That wouldn't work for you. But in terms of giving you more energy to lift heavier, it does.

And so this is, yeah, it's finally made its way to TikTok and people are like, what? This is crazy. So I tried to get some research around it. A sports scientist said that you're basically, it's the carbohydrates. So before a good workout, you should always have a little something that's got protein and carbohydrates in it.

But carbohydrate is the thing that's going to give you this kick of energy. And lollies, which is just sugar, which is carbohydrates, is one of the most condensed and quickest ways to get that in. Rather than filling your guts with like a banana or a sandwich or something that's going to sit there. Banana goes straight through you if you're at the gym, by the way. Absolutely. Slips in, slips out. Eat one of those on the way there. You're like, oh, you're on the ellipt through if you're at the gym, by the way. Absolutely. Slips in, slips out. Eat one of those on the way there.

You're like, oh, you're on the elliptical and you're like, oh, oh dear, oh dear, oh dear. But they're saying it's a good way to get a high amount of carbohydrates before your workout with a low amount of bulk in the food. So lollies is a good way. 30 to 60 minutes before your workout. Does anybody log on? Side note. Does anyone actually log on to Netflix on the cardio machine?

No. It's an option, and they're always telling me I can use it as an option. I said, yeah, but I've got this iPad. And they're like, yeah, but this is on the screen. And I say, yeah, but then I've got to log in, right? And then how do you put your headphones into the thing? I've got to log out again. I've got to log out again.

Also, they're saying candy bars can help post-workout recovery. I mean, this is fantastic news. This sounds like big candy. I think Nestlé areout recovery. I mean, this is fantastic news. This sounds like big candy. I think Nestle are getting their fingers in here. Carbs and protein. You need carbs and protein before and after a workout. But then, like, you've been, what, 300 or 400 calories in a workout, but then you've also eaten the same pre- and post-workout.

I know. Also, just eat the lollies, do the workout. You know, like, don't overthink it. I've always struggled, just eat the lollies. Do the workout. You know, like, don't overthink it. I've always struggled with that. The timing thing. I'm like, I've got to get my protein in the 30 minute window. Otherwise all that lifting I did will be for nothing, bro.

It's a waste. I want to be popping. Right. Well, next on the show, there's been some outrage. Read the McFlurry. We'll delve into this next. Oh, where does that sit on the show, there's been some outrage. Read the McFlurry. We'll delve into this next. Oh, where does that sit on the pre- or post-workout diet? Pre and post.

Yes. Both. Play. ZM's Fletch Vaughan and Hayley. Well, some controversy for McDonald's show sponsor. Yeah. The McFlurry. Tiptoeing a fine line of commercial sponsorship here, saying there's been some controversy involved in the show sponsor. Yeah. The McFlurry. Tiptoeing a fine line

of commercial sponsorship here saying there's been some controversy involved in the show sponsor. Well, this is big news, Vaughan. This is top news in New Zealand. It's not as controversial

as KFC running out of chicken this week. Doing the very thing they promised they would be by name. So, yeah, the McFlurry wearing it because there's news

that McDonald's will no longer be adding sauce to their M&M McFlurry desserts. So what is it? Just sundae and M&M's now? No sauce? Yeah, I believe so. Because I've never really been into McFlurries. I'm always to sundae and I go sauce at the bottom,

ice cream and then more sauce at the top. What more do you need? Yeah, because it's a double sundae, isn't it? Is that called a super sundae? Super sundae, yeah. Yeah, and then if I want M&M's, I go buy a massive bag and I eat them. Can you mix sauces in a super sundae?

I was just going to ask. Oh, I don't know. You probably can. Caramel on the bottom. Strawberry on the bottom. Strawberry and chocolate. Strawberry and chocolate. Maybe do caramel and chocolate.

I've mixed caramel and chocolate. I've mixed caramel and chocolate. I'm a big caramel boy. Caramel on the bottom, sundae, choccy on top. And that's got to be hot. Hummer. And then you spoon it straight down. I'm assuming now, though, with the sauce out of the equation, you can ask for it to be added.

And maybe pay a little bit more. Maybe that's the thing. It was a cost-cutting measure, maybe. I'm not sure. But the New Zealand police even weighed in on this on social media. What did the cops have to say? The New Zealand police said, not only is it a crime when the milkshake machine's out of order,

McDonald's have now removed the chocolate sauce from the McFlurry. Sundays and sauces go together like driving and wearing your seatbelt. Classic New Zealand police. Stop ram raids! That's it. There's some gangs you could be dealing with. The New Zealand police do have a wonderful social media presence, but the minute they post

anything like this, everyone's like, yeah, we're all about ram raids! I know, lighten up. So they said, we're not mad, McDonald's, we're just disappointed. So yeah, this was apparently brought to the attention of people when somebody got their McFlurry, their M&M McFlurry, and they thought, oh, this is a bit drier, you add a hot sauce. And they said, no, this is the new guidelines.

This is the future. Okay. So McDonald's replied to a Facebook comment explaining that they had to remove the sauce to reduce the overall sugar content of the McFlurry in line with the supplier's global rule. Oh, that makes sense. That's my main concern when I'm getting

a McFlurry. Oh, well this puts me over my daily recommended intake of sugar. Is this going to fit my micronutrients? There are M&Ms in there, so there's enough, right? But I mean, obviously you can ask for more. Yeah.

You can always add. I love a custom. I very rarely get my McDonald's without a custom twist. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm adding lettuce to my, and I don't want any judgment from this, Filet-O-Fish. What? First of all, we've talked about this.

You've got to stop saying you're a Filet-O-Fish girl. It's embarrassing. It's not embarrassing. It's a hot, beautiful, flaky secondet-O-Fish girl. It's embarrassing. It's not embarrassing. It's a hot, beautiful, flaky sandwich. People just turned off the radio. It's a secondary burger at best. Guys, don't turn off the radio. You get a Big Mac or a Quarter Pounder and you get a Filet-O-Fish

because you're going to be... You get a cheeseburger, add Big Mac sauce. Also, isn't your wife a Filet-O-Fisher? Don't drag her into this. Is Sade a Filet-O-Fisher? Don't drag her into this. Oh my God, Sade, let's hang out this weekend and go get Filet-O-Fishers. I just said, Tara, what are you guys doing for dinner? You're out. We're going to McDonald's. And you're going to get a Filet-O-Fisher? Don't drag her into this. Oh my god, Sade, let's hang out this weekend and go get Filet-O-Fishers. I just said, Tara,

what are you guys doing for dinner? You're out. We're going to McDonald's. And you're going to get a Filet-O-Fish. She would love that. And lettuce. Because this is me when she gets a Filet-O-Fish for the entire drive home. I can smell the Filet-O-Fish. What are you getting a Filet-O-Fish for? It's a secondary burger at best. It's hokey. It's beautiful. Yeah, but then there are better burgers.

The only good thing about the Filet-O-Fish is the bun. Steamed. Yeah, great steamed bun. Steamed sweet bun. Oh, yum. Sweet steamed bun. Could you get a cheeseburger with Big Mac sauce on a Filet-O-Fish bun? That's a Frankenstein burger.

You can. You can. Producer Jared's saying you can. You're nodding vigorously. Because I remember that was always a thing at KFC, right? They always go, order a steamed bun. But I didn't know you could add a steamed bun. Yeah, I can steam the buns.

One of an ex-Tinder girl would frequently tell me how she would get a double cheeseburger, but always swap out for steamed buns and extra pickles. So you, oh my God. It's a Frankenstein. So I would go, can I please have a cheeseburger, extra pickles on a steamed bun. With Big Mac sauce. With Big Mac sauce.

Double lettuce. Imagine the chaos in the kitchen. And a filet-o-fish. And a filet-o-fish. It's got a wild order. They want a McFrankenstein. The McFrankenstein. The McFrankenstein.

Just jamming together all the time. I mean, that's a free idea there for the show's sponsor. I think they even owe us more money for that. Ken, if someone from show sponsor is listening, can you please send me a filet-o-fish with lettuce? Thank you. Send her the McFrankenstein. Oh, I want a McFrankenstein.

McFrankenstein's all around. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley. We're 10 days away today from Friday Jams Live. It's Sunday the 13th of November at Western Springs Stadium. All the ticket info and tickets at Ticketmaster. Macklemore, TLC, Akon, Craig, David, Ashante, Shaggy, Jay, Sean and more if you needed a reminder. Yeah, gravy tickets today.

It's going to be amazing. Can I quickly interrupt you? Can I quickly interrupt you? Can I quickly interrupt you? We've got so many people giving custom orders. Someone said a double cheeseburger with a steam bun and a hash brown. What? And someone else said, please, no, no, please.

I work at McDonald's. Please don't. Don't tell people to customize their burgers. Please, please stop. Sorry. So no, we won't. The McFrankenstein is right out there for ordering today. Yeah, for a limited time only.

Right now, time for... Until we talk to stop, I show sponsor. Fact of the day, day the person whose name is Craig who holds the world record for the most greeting cards ever received. That's really tickled you, hasn't it? Everyone wants to have a world record, don't they? Yeah, so Craig in 1988

when Craig was nine years old, he began complaining of air aches, antibiotics were unsuccessful in treating the symptoms and in 1989 he was diagnosed with having terminal brain cancer. Now I'm not laughing, thanks. No, I know.

You were laughing before. No, it's so as part of that, because he was a child at the time, he got to do like a make a wish sort of situation. Nice. And he was like, you've got to be like Disneyland. Like, duh. Yeah. Go big.

Or a Ferrari. He wanted to set a world record and decided he would set a world record in the most greeting cards ever received. Prior to Craig, the world record stood at 1,065,000 greeting cards received. What? Crazy, isn't it? That's a lot. 1,000,000 greeting cards received.

So he said, okay, well, let's do this. And Make-A-Wish was like, okay, it's the 80s. Chain letters are a big thing. Now, when I was reading about this, I was immediately taken back to getting a chain letter and being like, uh-oh. Like, you know, you get a text now, that thing like, oh, for this to seven friends or blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

We used to get those written. Yes. Written down and you'd be at school one day and someone would look you in the eye and be like, here. And you'd be like, what's this? And they wouldn't say it and you'd open it up and it was almost like you had been cursed. Yes.

Like, share this with seven friends or the ghost of this dead woman will come and haunt you at night. Yeah, but if you do it, then best wishes to you and your family. And you're like, what? No photocopies. You had to handwrite those things. You had to write out seven copies. And then mum's like,

no way are you using my stamps for that. So then you had to find seven kids at school that hadn't got it. But by this time, it was like multi-level marketing. It had absolutely torn through. So this is how they set about getting Craig the world's most greeting cards,

which I'll say the record, as you remember, stood at 1 million greeting cards received. So it kicked off. And by 1991, he had received 16,250,692 greeting cards. What? Mostly in the form of get well cards. Now, did he get press like news for this? Or was it all chain letters?

He must have been on the news. There was some press coverage of it, yeah, but mostly through chain letters. But however, in 1992, his record was beaten. You'll remember in 1990, 16.25 million greeting cards. What? It was beaten by him because the chain letter kept going. And by 1992, he set the record of receiving 33 million.

Oh, my God. How do you even receive them? What's that? How do you even receive that many? I'm just kidding. Where do they go I'm just kidding The post office is just like

This room belongs to you now Craig And we're just gonna check He's still going at this rate Still going at 1992 No no So His It was all the ruse

He never had a brain tumor His cancer worsened And then they said The British doctors were like Well you've Estimation is You've only got weeks to live And so

At that This stage Because of the exposure and all the greeting cards, an American billionaire called John Kluge heard about it, and he said there's this new experimental type of cancer treatment that we can – and he said, I will fly you over. They flew him to the University of Virginia Medical Center, and this new treatment virtually removed the entire tumor apart from one small sliver that was benign. Oh, my God.

So his brain cancer was completely removed. However, the chain letters did not stop. Now it would be letters of congratulations. No, it was still the original chain letters going around. In 1998, he set his own record again by receiving 250 million greeting cards. Who's counting them? Who's verifying them? Here's where it got crazy.

It became like a game of telephone that we used to call, insert nationality whispers, but that's racist, so we don't anymore. So his name had changed. He was getting letters for Craig Shelford, Craig Stafford,

Craig Shefford, Craig Sherwood. And in Poland, all the letters he got from Poland were addressed to Drang Sherhold. Ah, Drang Sherhold. So in the end, when he finally asked people to stop,

he had set a record once again. 350 million greeting cards had been sent from around the world. Was the local post office or the postie like, stop this? So this is the other thing. In 2013, when he was still continuing to receive cards, he'd moved. Oh, my God, the poor buyers of that house. I know.

We're just inundated with it. So he did a redirect of mail, but then the British mail was like, dude, like, you alone are costing us so much money. So then the Make-A-Wish Foundation stated on their website, do not send any more letters. And going forth, we will not be granting any wishes regarding chain letters or any sort of activity that involves the post.

Now, in 1993, his mother wrote a book called Craig Sherwood, A Mother's Journey, mostly about her son's battle with cancer, but also included as a very big part of receiving 350 of the mail. Incredible.

350 million letters. However, how's this? April 21st, 2020, Craig died from COVID-19 related pneumonia. Oh, mate. We should send a card. We should send a bereavement card. We should send a card. Send a bereavement card.

It just wouldn't work these days, would it? No, it wouldn't because you just send messages online. It never would. I think over $350 million, and they did this approximately by weighing them in the end. They weren't even counting them. Oh, wow. The weight of the average letter was worked out,

and throughout his lifetime he received approximately $350 million greeting cards, and it's recognized as a record that will probably never ever be beaten. Wow. Single-handedly how much has that ruined the planet that one thing? Like you think of letters were coming from all over Europe and all over the world. Yeah also so many cards you can't recycle right because they've got like glossy bits, glittery bits, stick-on bits. Yeah. So it's just. Landfill. His own dump. Wow.

So today's fact of the day is a nine-year-old in the 1980s wanted to set a world record and in doing so received over 350 million greeting cards. Fact of the day, day, day, day, day. A school in New Zealand has installed vape sensors in the toilets. Now, that can't have been cheap, can it? God, no. My question is, okay, this is going to sound, I don't, I'm not a professional in the education sector at all, but wouldn't that money have been better spent elsewhere in the school?

Well, especially when schools need books and beakers. And if your school's rich enough to do it, but then the neighbouring school isn't, maybe give them some of your money. Yeah. So that kids can have things. So if you're under 18 by law, you can't buy vapes, and vaping is banned at school, much like smoking has always

been at schools. Yes. Like, I get there's problems of students vaping in toilets, but isn't that just a waste of money because students will just go elsewhere if there's a censor? Yeah, we used to just go in the bushes. Yeah. It was like a little walkway towards school and hop in the bush under the bridge and share a cigarette.

It's 20 years since I was a teenager. Gather round, Brendan's about to throw another log on the fire and tell you a story about the 90s. But they will just do what they're told not to. Like, it's getting away with it.

So if you were just like, meh, yeah, whatever, vape if you want to, they'll be like, but it's supposed to be bad. I want to be naughty. We want to spend money on the science department. We want to buy you guys some new musical instruments so you can have fun in class. Yeah.

We want to spend that money on stuff that will make education fun. But you're supposed to be telling us off. We want to be the naughty kids. How are we supposed to be naughty if? Yeah. If you want to be naughty, go away. We're all caught up On uniform stuff at school You're like

You're wasting so much time If I've got my socks pulled up Past three quarters of a shim Yeah Who cares And then there's the ones here We don't want cold shins On our teenagers

Yeah that's true Yeah just under the knee Just under the knee Just under the knee please You get very very chilly So yeah they've installed Vape detectors In bathrooms

Do you reckon they have or they've told their students they have? They're probably just smoke detectors. I reckon it's one of those one litre yoghurt pottles that you can get. One of those big yoghurt containers that my dad absolutely hones through. He loves the vanilla

flavoured yoghurt. Oh, the vanilla bean, yeah, that's a place. Painted it black, gone down to JK Electronics and got a little rude flashing light. Yeah. Stuck that on there and then glued them to the roof. Yeah. Vape detectors, don't you bloody dare.

Yeah, and then you wouldn't. They don't need to save how many dollars. Yeah, look at that. Get the tech department to whip it up. Get the nerds. Get the nerds to do it. Get the nerds to do it. The nerds would love it.

If they had spent money on this. Dumb. We would love to know this morning what your school spent money on this. The nerds would love it. If they had spent money on this. Dom. We would love to know this morning what your school spent money on when you didn't have everything. What's the wildest thing they bought? Yeah, we had three computers and the school wanted to spend money on dot, dot, dot. Yeah, I love that. Yeah.

Or we had, yeah, and then some class went to Japan. Although they'd normally raise their own money, wouldn't they? Yeah, I went to New Caledonia with my school. Yeah, we went to Noumea for French. Why? Well, it was cheaper than going to France. Yeah, true. New Caledonia speaks French.

Go to Akaroa, mate. Go to Banks Peninsula. Am I right? There's a couple of beautiful French sediments out there, a couple of patisseries. Go to French markets in Newmarket and Parnell on Sundays. Give us a call, 0800DARLS at M,

you can text as well, 9696. What was the craziest thing your school spent money on? Well, schools are getting high tech to take on students vaping. Yeah, vape sensors being installed in toilets. And we're certainly not saying vaping's cool.

And we are aware it's a very big problem for the youth, the amount of people vaping. I saw a study the other day that said vaping can do as much heart damage as decades of smoking. Surely not. But we've got to remember what it's like to be... Heart damage, but lung damage too you've got to think about. Yeah.

Also, you've got to think about what it's like being a teenager. You just are in a state of mind where you want to do exactly what you're told not to do. Yeah. If the sentence started with don't, you automatically was like, did you say do? I'm going to do it. Yeah. Yeah, and I think the point was that it's just wasting money buying these vape detectors because they'll just vape somewhere else

and it's better spent on books and stuff. Yeah. We said the nerds, the non-vaping nerds in the computer room could probably whip up some fairly convincing looking fake ones out of spare parts. It'll cost you nothing. Someone said that's exactly what happened at our school. They made a massive deal about putting up

security cameras in hallways and how expensive it had been for the school and they were monitoring hallway activity. One day my friend booted a ball and it knocked it down and it had no wires or anything. It was just glued to the wall. Those dummies. It was a dummy camera. You don't need

to spend a dollar. It was a dummy camera. That's so funny to spend a dollar. It was a dummy camera. That's so funny. Some other messages about what your school spent money on. Our school had asbestos, leaky roofs, broken toilets, and crappy windows that were unsafe to open.

They got some money to fix the windows, but instead of putting in new windows or fixing the windows, they spent money on screws to screw the windows shut full time. Signs that said don't try to open this window. Safe. Another sign that said don't use these toilets. They put air conditioning and reception in the staff room though. Oh, did they? That's nice.

You've got to stay cool in those summer months. You've got to stay cool in those summery, summery months. So yeah, what did your school drop? I'll take it from here. Thank you, sweetheart. Yeah, shut up, darling. What did your school spend a whole lot of money on when you were there when you were missing other things that you needed?

All right, keep your texts, your calls coming in. We'll get to more of those next. We're talking about what your school spent some money on when you were there or maybe you know of the local school, spent some money on some stuff. A lot of schools getting vape detectors. And hearing from people that, you know, and this is something I didn't know, vapors at certain schools, somebody said at my daughter's school, the vapors go into the bathroom and then block it,

make it unusable for other. Block the actual toilet. No, no, block the door. So the little kids come in and they're like, I need to go to the toilet. You're going to have to stay out there. This is how every vaper sounds in my...

Even if it's a female, she's 13 years old. Speaking through a hole in their throat. You're going to have to stay out there and wet your pants. We're in here, we're in here having a vape. Oh, wetting your pants at school

is so embarrassing. Speaking of deep, deep experience. A bit of trauma there. Do you want to explore that now or should we do that? We'll take that offline. 18 tomorrow. Yeah, that's a prime time topic.

Trauma exposure. Some really funny stories coming in of what your school spent money on when other things were sorely lacking. Larissa joins us. What did your school spend money on, Larissa? Good morning. So when I was about nine, we were really fortunate to receive new Mac computers

for all the classrooms. It was like the first time. So fancy, right? Yeah. But at the same time, they also asked that each student bring a roll of toilet paper with them to fill to you. Sorry.

They weren't going to be purchasing anymore for a duration of time. So mum sent me to school and said, no, we won't be sending you with a toilet roll. Just wipe your behind on the computer. Ow. Ow. On the keyboard, yeah. Ow. I mean, mats aren't cheap, are they?

No. Well, I mean, this would have been like, you know, late 90s kind of thing. So the big bubble back, see? The bubble back map. Yeah, beautiful big coloured bubble back map. Yeah, colourful one. Question. Were you to put the toilet roll into some sort of societal

pile of toilet rolls or was that to be for your arse only? For my arse only. So you were to bring a couple of rolls of toilet roll and keep them in your bag. Name it maybe. What about the kids that couldn't afford, you know?

Exactly. Yeah. Wow. They just have skitties. Yeah. Wow. Let's go with skitties. I tell you what,

when you've got an itchy bum from not wiping properly and you've got skid marks, that's a lot to deal with as a primary school kid. You've got to get a finger in there and really scratch it properly. Really give it a good wipe. Larissa, thank you for your hilarious story. And. You've got to get a finger in there and really scratch it properly. Larissa,

thank you for your hilarious story. And then you've got a couple of wet handy towels in your hand to try to clean the entire situation up but it's too far gone. Do you know what you could do? You could scrape off the wads of paper towels that people have thrown on the roof. Get that down. Use that on the backside. How about how

schools for a while were like, it's actually cheaper for us to buy the paper towels than it is to have that towel on a roll. Those things were always wet and never wound on and they got to the end and you were just like wiping your hand. Those were so gross. They'd always fall out and drag on the ground. I haven't seen one since the pandemic end

and maybe COVID was the end of the towel, the loop towel. But they were like, it's cheaper for us to do paper towels. But then kids would just grab handfuls of paper towels, get them wet and just like, shoink, on the roof. And they went back to those paper, they went back to those towel rolls pretty bloody quick, didn't they? Yeah.

My school spent money painting all the buildings pink because some study that one of the teachers read said it would make everybody less aggressive and reduce fighting. I remember that study. But it just, it became a thing to have your fights in front of the pink buildings. Meet me outside the pink building. Meet you outside pink, pink.

We'll settle this like men. That's another vapor. No, he's just, ah, got caught. Yeah. We actually had a day where it was called Bring Some Money for School Day. And they'd ask you, it was like a mufti day, except the, you know how mufti days, you're always raising money for like guide dogs

or a local charity. The local charity we were raising money for was our own school. That's embarrassing, isn't it? Yeah, yeah. Oh God. You couldn't pay me to run a school? No, no, no, no, no.

And I don't want this to be misconstrued as I think I could do a better job running a school than anybody. Because it would be a terrible school. Great work, guys. 10 out of 10 if I say so myself. I do a 9.6. Is that enough for you to review this podcast with a high rating and then tell all your friends? You sound very insincere.

ZM's Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley.