ZM's Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley - Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley Podcast - 5th April 2022

Episode Date: April 4, 2022

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The ZM Podcast Network. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley. Hello, welcome to the Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley podcast. It's thanks to McCafe. Try their refreshing McCafe iced coffee. It's available now at Macca's. I just have a strange sensation. You know when you get like a smell or a sight of something

and then you're instantly back, not only remembering a period of time but like you're there again. I just got that. Like time travel. Smells the strongest sense connection to time and place, right? That's why you smell like Play-Doh and it takes you back to your childhood

or you smell something and it takes you back to a place. Well I was just immediately back in lockdown, the first ever lockdown 2020. What smell? It wasn't even a smell, it was just immediately back in lockdown, the first ever lockdown, 2020. What smell? It wasn't even a smell. It was just like I watched a video of someone who I remember did dance videos during that lockdown. And I swiped past her and then I was like, I look.

And my whole body was just like there for a second. It was so weird. I hated that lockdown. Yeah, that was the worst one. That was a biggie and a baddie And we were all like what The first lockdown no that was the lockdown With a little bit of like rinky dink charm to it No not for me I hated it

Oh right It was stressful and like everything was up in the air And I remember like we always got The same groceries because we had A little like a fresh collective You know like a small supermarket And so it had real limited food So I'd get the same groceries because we had a little, like a fresh collective, you know, like a small supermarket. And so it had real limited food. So I'd get the same groceries every time we'd go down there.

Well, stock up because there's a new variant called XE. No, don't say that! It's Omicron BA1 and Omicron BA2. Put their B's and their A's together and they've made. And they've got to have a baby. They've made Microsoft Windows XE. Oh, God. Are they saying anything about it? Like it's really contagious? Well, it's

10% more transmissible than the current Omicron. But they're waiting to see the severity. They're waiting for more before they declare the severity of it. If you've had Omicron, would you then get that one? Some people have had like three or four

yeah you can get it again you can get it twice but it's less likely and less severe why wouldn't we talk to ed sharon he said he had it three he said it three times yeah but he's probably had og delta omicron yeah i've had none it's so far yeah Although you were just sneezing quite a bit. I did two big juicy sneezes. They were thick sneezes. That's when I knew I had it, is I had a little tickle and I just couldn't stop sneezing. And then my runny nose started and I did a rat test

and it was like, boom, straight away. Yep, yep. That's my nose. Good timing before Easter. Oh, wow. If you're listening to this now I've got COVID Are we rat test tonight? Yeah, rat test

We rat test tonight Yep And then Wednesday rat test for have you been paying attention on the Thursday And then Thursday night rat test for work on Friday So we've got three rat tests three days in a row here, people Well, stay tuned Will Hayley be here tomorrow? Are you getting a little throaty on it?

Going to get a little touch the throaty with the swab? No, I don't mean if you've got a cough. I mean, like, are you going to get the swab in the throat? Yeah, I'm going to throat then nose. Throat, right nostril, left nostril. Drip, drip, drip, drip, drip. I've got a tiny, this one, my left. Tight little snoozy. It's a real tight little hole. I tell you that.

The other one, this one, the right one, you can wave it around in there. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's like right in one, the right one, you can wave it around in there. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's like right in there. But this one, God. It's resistant. Yeah. Oh, dear. Mine are equidistant, my nostrils.

Right, okay. I don't have a problem with them. I'm going to do one as soon as I get home. Before you come over, Vaughan, I'm going to do one just to make sure. Oh, that's right. And you'll hear why Vaughan's coming over. But, geez, you might not be here either tomorrow. Don't condemn us.

Thanks, Rachel. Good morning. Welcome to the show, Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley. It's two minutes past six. We were just listening to some live Miley Cyrus, weren't we? It was an absolute treat. Is that what our album came out last week? Yeah. Like a live album, weren't we? It was an absolute treat. God. Is that what her album came out last week?

Yeah. Like a live album, isn't it? It's a live album and there's lots of covers and stuff on it. She's done a wrecking ball, nothing compares to you, Sinead O'Connor mashup. Yeah. I'm not angry at it. I don't think I'm angry at any decisions. Miley Max. She's mad here.

Yeah. Oh, there's some. The cover is her bottom. Yeah. I'm not angry about it. I'm not angry about it. Not angry about that either. No. That's absolutely fine.

Coming up on the show, another chance for you to win a $500 Resene voucher so you can paint it yourself. We're going to do that before 7 this morning on the show. You've got the Resene colour chart there, Hayley. You're going to read out a Resene colour. I am. And then if you get through, guess what colour it is to win the voucher. There's some easy ones on here and I will say there are some hard ones.

Okay. And I have been going for the easy ones. I'm going to have to ramp it up. Because sometimes the clues in the name, like what was you say, is the leaf and it was green. Yeah, Resene Bay Leaf. Yeah, that was a green, wasn't it? Yeah, but when I said Resene Bay Leaf to you, you were like, easy. And then what did you say?

Blue or something? I was like, what? Your chance to get through and play and win before seven. Secret Sound is back. Thanks to Neon today. $50,000 still to jackpot. So seven and eight is when we'll do that. The top six is coming up.

Yeah, remember those big golf ball spy domes? In Blenheim, just out of Blenheim. Yeah. Waihopai, I believe. Yes, that being taken down. Apparently, they're pretty much obsolete now. Because they were inflated giant soccer ball things over satellite dishes. Yeah.

Which was it just to stop seagulls. They deflated one once and it fell down and it looked exactly like a curtain draped over a satellite dish. So I think the gig was up then. Yeah. But yeah, they're taking the whole thing down. Is that because now they just spy on us through the internet? I guess everything just goes through the internet.

So they can just do it. They do it in broad daylight. From flash computers rather than on satellites. So I've got the top six things those spy domes would have seen in their time. Oh, yeah, okay. Coming up in the top six. Next on the show, though. Well, our gals.

Our gals Alexa and Siri are in the news. They're about to have a lot of money spent on them. They deserve it. For the gals. Splash out Yas Queen. Yeah, Yas Queens. Yeah. Play. ZM's Fletchvorn and Hayley. Yasqueen. Yeah. Yasqueens. Yeah.

This has got a lot of people riled up. How do you say it? Riled. Riled. Yeah, riled. Riled. Like riled up. I think I was trying to say rarked and riled. Rarked up.

So 860,000 pounds. So that's like $1.6 million. New Zealand. New Zealand of taxpayers' money is being thrown at three funded projects for this tech company who are looking at trying to reduce the gender bias of our devices to the likes of our Alexas and our Siris. Because they believe that Alexa and Siri are

based on, like, usually young female voices based on the sexist idea that we prefer to tell women what to do. I would love an old English lady. No, man, because then it would feel like an Alfred-type butler situation like that. Hello, I'm Siri.

Yeah. Or like Dame Judi Dench. What's the weather doing tomorrow? Let me cast an eye on it, my lord. Oh, my, I would love that. He's still serving you. Yeah. Well, you can Yeah, so again.

Well, you can get male series. I don't know about Alexa. But are they saying like it's too submissive? Yeah, so they're saying that it sends the message that women are obliging, docile, and eager to please helpers to do mundane tasks. Like, hey Siri, what's the weather this afternoon? Give me a recipe for meatloaf. Yeah, yeah, yeah. How many grams in a cup of sugar?

Well, my lord, 250 grams to a metric cup. Oh, yeah. Oh, almost like Game of Thrones. Yeah. Yeah. That'd be cool. Why haven't they sold Siri voices by celebrities? Would that be too hard to do? I think it would be too.

Oh, no, because they just piece together syllables, right? Yeah, I think so. So there'd probably just be a set amount of words that someone would have to say. Because they are real voices. They are based on real voices. It's like that app, you know, the meditation app Calm, and you can get the stories read by celebrities. Like Liam Neeson or...

Hello, this is Regé-Jean. What's his name? Oh, from Bridgerton. From Bridgerton. Yeah. I tell you a naughty little bit of story. Naughty. Jesus.

Wow, okay. I got a different app. I got a different app. But anyway, yeah, so they're going to put all this money into the research to try to combat the idea that Siri is just this like, hi there, can I help you sir? Come on, I'm afraid, what, the money? Amazon, who owns Alexa?

Yeah. They're good enough money. Yeah. Who owns this guy? Apple owns Siri? Yeah. Yeah, they're good enough money. Make them do it.

Shouldn't be spending taxpayers' money on this. I know, it seems wild that they've been able to do this. Everybody fed and got a full belly, have they? That's my... Are there any... You've got your phone there. Do you want to plug that in? Yeah. Should we see how... Hi, I'm Siri. Hi, I'm Siri. Choose the voice

you'd like me to use. So American has four, five options. Yeah. Hi, I'm Siri. Hi, I'm Siri. Oh, I don't like that. Hi, I'm Siri. Hi, I'm Siri. Hi, I'm Siri. Hi, I'm Siri. Hi, I'm Siri. Choose the voice you'd like me to use. Nah, he's too cool, man.

Hi, I'm Siri. Choose the voice you'd like me to use. Hi, I'm Siri. Choose the voice you'd like me to use. I've got the Aussie. No, I use the Irish lady. Oh, give me a bit of Irish lady. Hi, I'm Siri. Choose the voice you'd like me to use? I've got the Aussie. I use the Irish lady. I'll give me a bit of Irish lady. Hi, I'm Siri. Choose the voice you'd like me to use.

No, it's not Irish enough. I want her to be like Hello there! What can I help you with today? There's Irish but there's no Scottish. You wouldn't understand it. I'm Siri. Choose the voice you'd like me to use. That's South African Siri. She sounds like a computer. I'm Siri. Choose the voice you'd like me to use. That's South African Siri.

She sounds like a computer. I'm Siri. Choose the voice you'd like me to use. Who's that? Hi, I'm Siri. All of these accents are very neutral,

aren't they? Hi, I'm Siri. Choose the voice you'd like me to use. Hi, I'm Siri. Choose the voice you'd like me to use. I feel like we're in

some kind of Siri hell. I'm an avorter. Hi, I'm Siri. I feel... Choose the voice you'd like me to use. I feel like we're in some kind of Siri hell. I'm in a vortex. Hi, I'm Siri. Choose the voice you'd like me to use. Okay, we're done with Siri. We're done with Siri. We're getting sucked in by Siri's voice. I feel like all of those voices were very pleasing and very nice.

They were. So I think if they wanted her to sound, them to sound less submissive, they're going to be like, Hi, I'm Siri. I'm a little bit busy. You can wait. Yeah. You're going to be like, Hi, I'm Siri. I'm a little bit busy. You can wait. Yeah. You didn't say please. Are you going to say please? Yeah. Maybe Siri need a bit of sass.

To keep us in line. Maybe you can ask her like she's still got the same voice. Hi, how can I help you? How many grams of sugar in one cup? Please? How many grams of sugar in one cup? Please, Suri. Do you need all that sugar?

Fatty, fatty. Maybe a bit of sass from Suri. So these studies are going to be done and then what, are we just going to feel bad about using Suri? I guess so. And then what, are they going to try to review it

to see if they can change the message that it's giving, that women are submissive little darlings that want to do boring tasks for you. I don't know how they're going to do it. I think the idea of getting actors on there. Yeah. See, I'd love to pay for a celebrity with a great voice. Yeah, the hound from Game of Thrones.

Yeah, that'd be good. Somebody just messaged in saying every time you've been playing that word, the S-I-R-I, my phone's been peaking up. In fact, it took me ages to send this text message because I couldn't interrupt. It's terrible with the New Zealand accent as well

because he was like, oh, sorry. And Siri's like, hey, what's up? I'm sorry, I didn't catch that. All right, next on the show. Vaughan Smith Tree Services, back in action today. I love cutting down trees. I love chainsaws. And as yet, I have not had a serious accident.

And you've got a new customer. I do. I do. I love chainsaws. And as yet, I have not had a serious accident. And you've got a new customer. Do. I do. I don't know about this. What could go wrong? A lot. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley. Wandsmith Tree Service is back in action today.

One man, three chainsaws. Why does he need three chainsaws? Why does he not need four chainsaws? Why does he have three chainsaws? Why does he not need four chainsaws? Why does he have three chainsaws? I got given one. I inherited one. And then Skavana said to Sade one Father's Day, do you want to give one chainsaw?

And she said he loves his chainsaws. Why not? So I've got three chainsaws. Right. How do you pick which one you're going to use at any given moment? Always start out with the still. Right. But it was in, my in-laws brought it back in start out with the still. Right. But it was in,

my in-laws bought it back in a container from the US and there was something, the chain was never as good as it could be but I've got a new chain for it now and it absolutely chews. It loves cutting down trees. It loves trees.

And then after that, I generally go Husqvarna but I've got this little red one and it's like this weird Italian brand. And I got it from my, what do you call it when he's your father-in-law, but he's like your stepfather-in-law, I guess. I just think you say you're not my real stepfather-in-law. You're not my real stepfather-in-law. And you slam the door.

Yeah, that's what you say. And he was like, oh, this thing's no good. It's mean. It's the smallest of the lot, and, that's what she said. And he was like, oh, this thing's no good. It's mean. It's the smallest of the lot and it's an absolute powerhouse. It just goes and goes and goes and goes and goes. And then I get to the end and I need to sharpen all three. Right. You've signed up a new customer.

Hayley, you are enlisting Vaughan Smith Chainsaw Services today. I don't actually remember how this came about, but we have a backyard full of some dead, some dying, and some just like bad trees. All native trees. No, don't you do that to me. I cut down some native trees recently. Okay.

But they were like, my friend had to get permission. Yes, you apply. He had to get consent to cut this tree down. Yes. Bloody madness. Did that take six months from the council? Oh, you apply. He had to get consent to cut this tree down. Yes. Bloody madness. Did that take six months from the council? Oh, it does. Well, we've only got one native tree that needs cutting down, but

it is dead. Okay, right. It's been long-term. So do you have permission? Do you have to get permission? You don't have to when it's dead. Because it could be a danger to people. Well, then just poison the tree. No, no, no, no. This is quite a big boy. No, but if it's alive and you want it gone, poison the tree and then it's dead. They don't just sort of crumble into dust.

Yeah, but then you get around the whole council thing. Oh, because you're saying poison it so it starts to die and then be like, oh, this thing's a danger to everybody. It needs to be cut down. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Gotcha. I mean, in all honesty, protect our native trees. I love our native trees.

I haven't listed them. Same. I've got a remu coffee table. I don't. Absolutely. My house is made out of native trees. I love our native trees. I haven't listed them. Same. I've got a remade coffee table. I don't. Absolutely. My house is made out of native trees. A long, long time ago. But yeah,

I've got some trees that need to come down and we were thinking about bringing my uncle up from Cutty Cutty because he was an arborist in his day. Oh my God,

do that. Yeah, I know, but you know, he's retired now. He's old. He's a bit older. He's a busy boy. And then I think I mentioned this to Vaughan,

and he was like, I'll do it. I'll do it. I love cutting down trees. I love to cut down some trees. Oh, no. I will also say we are going to replant a bunch of trees. Oh, yeah. I can hear people going, like, how dare you?

For every one you cut down, you always plant one. Oh, we're going to plant a whole bunch. But it's like, it's a shambles out the back. And there's no cohesion. And they're all just just scrappy things. Right. So I haven't listed the services. Okay, but it was a little weird yesterday

when Vaughn was talking about tying a rope to the branch and then yanking it with the Land Rover. So I think Vaughn's going to drive onto my lawn. Yep. He's going to stand on top of the Jeep. Oh, no, I'm not going to stand on top of the Land Rover. I'm going to go up a ladder and tie a rope around the tree and put a scarf in it.

We've got one of those big ladders. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then I'm going to go, I'm going to put a scarf in the tree. A little neck. Is that what that is? A pretty big neck. Because I will say that it's on the border of our neighbour's house and ours. Oh, God, it's not going to crash on a roof, is it? Well, no, I'm going to take the top off the tree

and then I'm using that Land Rover pull technique, which I've developed. And then the second one,'s not going to crash on a roof, is it? Well, no, I'm going to take the top off the tree and then I'm using that Land Rover pool technique, which I've developed. And then the second one, I'm going to put a scarf at the bottom of the tree and then do the Land Rover pool technique again so that the branch that's hanging over the neighbours comes over and down. Somebody's going to get an injury here.

No, I feel confident. You could. Because you're getting it for free. You could be hosting the show alone tomorrow. No, not free. I mean, we'll be hosting the show alone tomorrow. No, not free. I mean, we'll be providing the beers. We'll be, you know. I like to get a few beers on board before I operate the chains.

Jesus Christ. A little bit of Irish courage. Yeah, right. To help with the heights, eh? Oh, I'm terrified of heights. I get very wobbly on the ladder. Oh, very unsteady. You've got to calm the nerves.

We've got a bloody good whiskey. Oh, actually, Aaron's got some good whiskeys in the cupboard. Oh, I will be doing the show alone tomorrow, won't I? We'll see. We'll see. I will obviously be taking some footage. This also feels like the perfect excuse to buy the chaps that I've wanted. Chainsaw chaps. Oh, yeah, I see the people that do this.

Now, they're the ones that don't have an arse in them, eh? No arse. Like Mardi Gras chaps. But there are no chaps. The idea of the chaps is that, yeah, they don't have the ass. That's a pant. Do they stop the chainsaw going into your thigh? Yeah, if you slip and it hits, it's got like a Kevlar thing and it like melts around the blade.

But I mean, the blade will stop the minute you take your finger off the trigger anyway. So... It seems an overkill for Mardi Gras. Well, it seems a bit... You never know. Mardi Gras can get buck wild. You've obviously never had a hot saw wave that you had Mardi Gras. No, but isn't it obviously never had a hot sore when you did your Mardi Gras. No, but isn't it strange of chaps that they're protecting the thigh,

but they're absolutely exposing the genies in the bum? Is there no Kevlar genie protection? No. No, no, no. It's just the thighs. It's open. Oh, no. But then is that because of the,

you've got your big, you know on cop shows and people always get shot on the leg, they're like, medical shows, they're like, he's hit a artery too. Oh, yeah, your big artery.

One of the big ones there. Whereas if you lose your doodle, I guess that's fine. I reckon it would bleed a bit, though. It would bleed a bit. I reckon if you chopped your doodle off with a chainsaw, it would bleed a bit. I don't think it would feel that good. All right, well, let us know tomorrow if that happens.

Good luck. And I just want to say for the record, go on record, I've warned you. This is a terrible idea. You think it's a bad idea? I think it's a great idea. From the bustling ZM think tank, this is the top six.

I always remember them on the news when I was a kid. The Wahupai spy domes are being dismantled. They were big golf balls and once one got deflated, just air just constantly keeping that thing inflated. Must have been. Not to say because there's no frame holding it up. Like a bouncy castle. Yeah. As soon as you turn the

thing off it'll go down. Imagine the power bill. It'd be massive just keeping the air in that thing. Well there was two satellite dishes underneath them right in the heart of wine country there and they are dismantling them. them, right in the heart of wine country there. And they are dismantling them.

They said after almost 35 years of service, the two domes, the Scrooge's, the Overseas Golf Balls are no longer collecting as much intelligence. They've yielded less and less lately. Changes in global telecommunications and information technology meant the interception of satellite communications

has declined. Yeah, because you just get it all, I guess, online now, right? Who were they spying on? Everybody and anybody. Yeah, well, we're part of the Five Eyes, aren't we? Yeah, there was always like the odd demonstration down there in a paddock,

as close as they could get to them. So if we said something, they'd be listening? They could, yeah, because we... We broadcast on satellite. Yeah, it goes from here to the Skytower to the satellite. Yeah. Back to the Skytower.

And back to all the broadcast points around. So, yeah, they could totally have heard any... That's pretty wild. Or, like, in a second. Yeah. Any number of... We've got to stop this off-air gossip that we do. Oh, no, they wouldn't hear that.

They can't hear that. Okay. We'll get back to what we were talking about before. Yeah, definitely. Yeah, sure. So I've got the top six things they saw at the Blenheim spy bases. Number six on the list. When you said something that could be interpreted as a terrorist act of your Ninja Turtle walkie-talkies in 1989.

Don't let them fool you into thinking those cheap little walkie talkies Have got a very small range They can Listen into everything Yeah That's happening on those radio waves Didn't you buy some walkie talkies Recently Yeah we've got walkie talkies

Love that They're so fun They've got a huge reach You can go to the shops I just love that you're at the shops And you're like Aaron get another wine Aaron

I've already finished the bottle You just pick up Aaron Come in Over You've got to use correct walkie-talkie protocol. Always say over.

Always say over. Roger. To receive, you know, message received. Roger. Number five on the list of the top six things they saw at the

Blenheim spy bases in its long and lustrous career. When you posted your lover a nude photo in an envelope with a 45 cent stamp that you had developed at the Uniken pharmacy in town. They could scan that.

They could scan that. On the big, yeah, right. They could scan that. Could they? On the big, yeah, right. They could scan that right through that and they'd see your goodness. Your nips and your bits.

They must have seen some bits in their time. My dad must have seen some bits in their time. Absolutely. Always wild to think that there's people there like collecting

all the spy information. I know. And like knowing all these secrets about governments and people all over the world and then they go back and live in Blenheim.

Yeah. Yeah. Like, and then just go back and live in Blenheim. Yeah! And then just go to the local countdown and stuff. No, good wines. Yeah, but too much wine, get them loose lips and loose lips sink ships. You're right. Yeah, get the old spies drunk and get all the information. Imagine like your flatmate works there. They'd be wild.

Tell me stories. I can't. They can't, yeah. Damn it! Have this wine. Have a little local giver. It's Tremina. Number four on the list of the top six things they saw at the Blenheim spy bases are that dirty conversation you had on a landline in the 1990s when you thought no one was listening.

Oh, wow. They heard all those filthy words you said. When I worked, the first radio station I worked in, Nelson, they had a little scanner for the police and emergency services. And this was before cell phones became encrypted. And you could listen in to cell phone. You'd only hear one side of the conversation. This is before they made it encrypted.

And you'd just sit there drinking, listening in. It was wild. You could do that. My dad had this radio and you could select FM, AM, shortwave, longwave. And it was the same, like, a mate of mine had exactly the same radio in town. And it was those little cordless unidians must have ran on a frequency. You could just get to this part of the door and you'd be like, and then you could hear the conversation.

Wild. Weird. Yeah. It was wild time. Great fun. Wild, wild time. Number three on the list of the top six things they saw at the Blenheim spy bases. Your VideoEasy account when you used to hire dirty movies on VHS and were often late returning them.

It would send a little ping down the line. And they'd know exactly what movie you had hired and why you hadn't returned it. Number two on the list of the top six things they saw at the Blenheim spy bases. That time you faxed your friend a swear word. Faxed them a big old swear word. And then their mum was at the fax machine when it came through. It was a chat. It was definitely a chat.

And number one on the list of the top six things they saw at the Blenheim spy bases. That text you sent from your Alcatel OneTouch in the early 2000s that made bracket space full stop full stop, space, bracket. That's one boobie. And then it would be like bracket, full space. No, because you don't want a wonky tip. Let me start again. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

You've got to always go, bracket, space, full stop, space, close bracket. That's a pair of boobies. Yep. That's a pair of boobies and they go, enter, enter. And then you've got to go space, space, space. Oh, reverse brackets. Little V. Oh, yeah, I gave reverse brackets.

You do the curves. And then you do enter again and then you go brackets, space, space, space. Little V, space, space, space, close brackets. Oh, how voluptuous. That's hot. I'm going to take voluptuous. That's hot. I'm going to take that to my bedroom. That's hot ASCII stuff right there. Was that what that was called?

A-S-C-I-I-S-C-I. Drawings with symbols. That is today's top six. Now more than ever are we worried about our finances to the point where, according to a new study, two in three find themselves waking up in the middle of the night

due to thinking that they're not financially where they should be in their life. Oh, it's stressful. Especially at the moment. Now that inflation and everything is through the roof. Yeah. You can be earning good money and still is through the roof. Yeah. You can be earning good money and still feel like it's not enough.

Yeah. You're not getting ahead enough. So it's waking us up at night. We're waking up in a cold sweat thinking about our finances. But also manage your expectations. If you're comparing yourself to people you know who were born into extreme wealth, don't worry that they've got something that you don't have. Absolutely.

Because that's not going to help anybody. You'll never be happy if that's your happy measurement. No, I know. But people are still putting so much value on money that the majority of people do believe more money, more happiness. More money, more problems. More money, less problems is what people still think, despite the fact that we know more money, more problems. Money doesn't buy you happiness.

Apparently people would rather 30% of people would rather watch a scary movie. 27% of people would rather speak publicly in front of a large audience and 28% of people would rather sit in two hours of traffic rather than talk about their financial issues. We don't want to talk

about it. Their financial issues. Yeah, like their debts, how much they're earning, how much they can save, what they can afford. Right. The cost of living. Just because it's so stressful. It's so stressful. People still find talking about money to be taboo.

81% of people still think that it's controversial to bring up money when um talking to friends and partners uh they get nervous about talking to their partners about their debts and their wills i don't have a will i don't have a well either well well zach got you a will oh i hasn't done it yet oh tbc tbc what if you die tbc will TBC. What do you have to do for your will? Because I know I had to do a kiss. I had to kiss him to pay for my will. I don't know if that's right. That'll probably get him struck from the bar.

Kiss and a cuddle. If I let that out. In fact, I'm probably in quite a powerful position now. You probably are, yeah. To leverage some more free legal advice. But you bought a house with your fiancé. You probably should have a will. I know.

When we bought our first house, they were like, make sure you get a will. And on my to-do list, it's been like, will for about four years. But I'm like, it's straightforward, isn't it? But then it's not. But then it's not, yeah. That's what they say. Everyone assumes that if you die suddenly, that everything will just go to your partner

or everything gets split, blah, blah, blah, blah. But it doesn't. It can get all tied up in things. People wait in, don't they? People chiming in being like, well, she always said that. It's because it's not easy. Like, can you just tick some boxes and do it online and pay? That's what I want.

It's signed and blah, blah. I can't be bothered with the admin. And also when I'm dead, I don't have to deal with it. You've got to deal with that. So you're saying, yeah, exactly. You're spending your time alive doing admin that you're not gonna benefit from when you're

dead. No interest to me. I'm dead. You sort it out if you want the money so bad. Fight over it. I wanna see a fight. Good luck. Yeah, I do have a couple of things. I've got a precious teddy bear and then all I'm gonna put in the will is that it is not to go to a child.

They will not respect Kweli the way that he deserves to be respected. Or are you getting cremated? No, I'm not getting cremated. Are you getting buried? I'm off to the marae, yeah. Get buried with Kweli. Yeah, I think I will. No child. What if they have to exhume your body

though because of a cold case? Well, the murder weapon's inside. I've been murdered. No, you did murder. Kweli's all moldy. He will be a bit mank down there. Because your mankiness will kind of eat away at the fabric. You'll become one, though.

As you're breaking down and returning to the earth, you'll too become one. See, that's nice. And then thousands of years later, archaeologists will dig up these plastic eyes. Yeah, you'll two become one. Oh, see, that's nice. And then, like, thousands of years later, archaeologists will dig up these plastic eyes. Yeah, plastic eyes and plastic nose. And they'll be like, she was pregnant with a toy koala. Whoa! See, this is way more interesting than a will.

Yeah. Play. ZDM's Fletchvorn and Hayley. Well, this morning, when producer Jared said the Taj Mahal's burnt down, we were all like, oh, my God. That would be quite impossible because isn't it made out of marble? It is. It would be very hard to set on fire.

What about structurally? The Taj Mahal in India. No, it's all made of marble. That's wild. Have you been? No, I have. Never been to India. Blew my mind. Yeah, it's all made of marble. Wow. Have you been? No, I have. Never been to India. Blew my mind. Yeah, white marble.

Yeah, it's just marble, the whole thing. It pops up out of nowhere, am I correct? Because I've seen those photos, it's like, what the Taj Mahal really looks like? And it's like surrounded by slums and such. Oh, yeah, in Agra, it's not a great environment. Built in the mid-1600s, just amazing. As a dedication to his environment. Built in the mid-1600s. It's amazing.

As a dedication to his wife. To his wife. She died? Yes, and they're in it. And then the opposite, they were building a black Taj Mahal, but then he died. A black one? Yeah, like a perfect negative image of it. Oh, wow.

But it never got done. And you can see from the Taj Mahal the site for the black Taj Mahal. That they never built. Never built. But did you get one of these photos with no people in it? Because isn't that impossible to get a nice photo with no people? All my photos of the Taj Mahal are like, there's like thousands of people in it.

Oh, yeah. Yeah. Got some goodies, but like, I went in winter, so it wasn't as busy. Right. But still busy. Must go. Simply must go.

Simply must. Simply must. Simply must. Simply must. Okay. Well, the other Taj Mahal that actually burnt down, not the marble wonder. The actual Indian Taj Mahal. It's fine. It's fine.

Oh, yeah. If you've pulled over on the side of the road in a panic, the Taj Mahal has burnt down. Rest assured. It's fine. But you might also pull over in panic when you hear which Taj Mahal has burnt down. The famous Dunedin Indian BYO restaurant, Taj Mahal. Good Lord. Good Lord.

Hell burnt down. Burnt down, burnt down. Like down to the ground. So brick building, again, like the Taj Mahal. Marble, brick, almost interchangeable. You'd never know. Both from the earth. Both stone-like.

One's slightly more solid than the other. The three lads living in a flat upstairs woke up to the smell of smoke. Oh, goodness. And immediately called the fire service. They arrived at 3.17 a.m. I love how exact our emergency services is the moment they pulled up to a site. 3.17. Forced entry.

Used breathing apparatuses and extinguished the flames, although it was extinguished quickly. It looks like the Taj Mahal's out of business, ladies and gents. But is it, if it was extinguished quickly, was it going to be repairable? It looks bad. It looks out of action at least for a while.

On the expert. But, like, look at that photo. She's going to be out of action. She's going to be out of action for a long time. Out of action for a while, but I reckon she'll be insavable. Well, she's going to need re-jibbing. She's going to need re-jibbing. Well, she can't. There's no jib.

Good luck getting jib. Good luck getting jib. If you smell smoke or something, you'd be like, is that the tandoor? Is that the? Yeah. Why is somebody cranking up their tandoor at 3 a.m.? Why is someone burning a naan at 3.20? Yeah, God.

I feel like one. A famous place for a big night kickoff after the BYO. Why is someone burning a naan at 3.20? Yeah, God. I feel like one. A famous place for a big night kickoff after the BYO. Producer Jared, you were upset about this news because you love the Taj Mahal in Dunedin. Yeah, only went once, but it was enough to leave a long-lasting impression. How do you hit the town with a belly full of curry? I was like 19 at the time, so I had the stamina.

You can do anything at 19. Yeah, the stamina. In our case, I definitely couldn't. I often have to have a post-curry nap. Like, that's me for the night. Though that is often the case with a BYO, isn't it? A BYO, I see. I don't mind a BYO Chinese before a big night out.

But yeah, the Indians, there's something about it. I overdo it with the rice and all the sauces and the naan. I'd probably need to take a poo at the Max Bruber. Yeah, you would have to. Up there in the octagon, I'd be like, guys, just hold the fort. Pardon moi. She's all gurgling down here. Oh, well, yeah, heck, that's some sad news.

But hopefully she's back up and running soon. Yeah, fingers crossed. Is the Chinese BYO still? I've only ever heard. I've done that one. I've done that one. I don't know its name. Yeah, I've done it too. We've done that one.

But I've only ever heard it referred to as the Chinese. Because there's only one in town? No, there's more than one. There's more than one, but that's the one you go to. Yeah. God, I love a BYO. I tell you what. China Palace Restaurant and Takeaway.

Yeah. China Palace. Good Harvest Restaurant. Ooh, which one is it? I tell you what, anyone that runs a BYO restaurant needs to be mentioned in the New Year's Honours because they deal with... They should all be sirs and dames.

They deal with the most drunken New Zealanders on a daily, weekly basis. Like you always go, should we go to a BYO, then we'll go out. But then the BYO is it. That's it because you're sitting at the table. Yeah, yeah. Far, far. But that's the great thing to a BYO then we'll go out but then the BYO is it that's it because you're sitting at the table yeah yeah but that's the great thing about a BYO because I don't want to go anywhere

I don't want to go out I just want to sit at a table yeah and I want to get loud progressively louder I want to get loud I want to get boozed and I want to get fed I want to have like

chats in the toilet like I want to go to the toilet come with me oh no I've never had a DNM at toilet. Like, I want you to go to the toilet. Come with me. Oh, no. I've never had a D&M at a B&W. Oh, I have had many. Play ZM's Fletch Vaughan and Hayley. Play ZM.

I didn't even know this existed in Christchurch. This is in the Hallsville domain. And it's a minutiae train. Oh, I love scale trains. Executive producer Anna, you've been sending us dates for a Christchurch work trip. Yes. I believe Christchurch is on the agenda. It is.

No, it's only on Sundays. No! I know. I know. I know. I'm going to put this table. I want us to put time in to go to the miniature train. Do you reckon they'd do a special train trip for us if we were to ask nicely?

Miniature? I'll wear a hat. We could all dress up like little lads and lasses and go on the miniature train journey. What on a Sunday? Meet you there. You can drive us around on the miniature train. Surely. There's probably volunteers and they all work during the week.

Boo. Yeah, I think you're probably right. They've got a little, they've got a little, the Canterbury Society of Model and Experimental Engineers. Oh my God. I think you just found your people. I mean, they've got like a lab

and like a workshop. I could imagine you doing this. I would love it. Yeah, we had one in New Plymouth growing up by Pukakuta Park. And it was just a little wee, it was a little track. And Nelson's got a good one, Te Hunanui. That's a really good one. Petone and Lola Hart's got one just by the ocean in the park there.

Because they look like trains, but they're little. Those are my favourite ones when they're painted up Like the Kiwi Rail trains Yeah Or like I don't have a locomotive It's been years Since I've been on one I went on one

Question It must have been Eight years ago Because it was Yeah At a second birthday Of someone That's the same age as Indy

And she's ten now In Hamilton At Minogue Park Can they take After Kylie Minogue No after Danny It's after Danny Oh yeah it was one of the Minogues

They named a park after one of the Minogues You've got Lake Danny You've got the Kylie Courts That's where they play netball at Minogue Park Named after Kylie yeah What was their brother's name? Scott Can they take big adults?

Yeah I went on it Will they take three big adults? Oh yes It it's telling in this picture here, they've got thousands of little kids and big kids and you're going to ride on miniature trains each year. Well the three of us are probably the weight of

thousands of little kids. How small are these children? So they have sought permission from the Christchurch City Council to extend the track adding 720 more metres. 720? Yeah, so it's existing 1.5 kilometre network.

Oh, my God. I need to go on this. That's a big-ass track. You said they're like 100 metres. Multiple tracks. I reckon you could even switch. I want to switch the levers. Yes.

You can be on lever switching. Yeah, and then you can be tied to the tracks and I'll ride in on a mini-itsy-a-pony and save you. Yes, I'll be like, how? And Fletch will be on the train, yeah. And then you can be tied to the tracks and I'll ride in on a miniature pony. Yes. And save you. And Fletch will be on the train, yeah, twirling his moustache. And I'll be like. How much fun are miniature trains?

Yeah. So they've applied to the council and then people are upset. Yes. At the miniature train people. Oh, my God. Get a grip. Get a grip. Choose joy.

Choose joy. Choose joy. Choose joy. Craig, who lives nearby. Yeah. Craig. Craig. I just want to point out that's not my father, Craig. Joyless Craig.

Joyless Craig. Oh, Joyless Craig. Said if this happens, we'll continue to lose green space. And he was sick of the constant noise of trains each Sunday. Oh, my God. Each train toots approximately eight times per lap with up to six trains continuously running up to or beyond 6pm. Oh, Craig.

What, does he want them to go around the track and not toot? What about the kids? They want the toots. Yeah, exactly. What about the kids, Craig? When did Craig move in? Because this has been going most Sundays since 2003. Oh, yeah.

If Craig moved in post 2003. 2003, Craig's got no say. It's like people that whinge about the bloody speedway. Yeah. You moved there. Yeah, you moved there. Another one, Paul. The planes allowed in Miramar.

Well, you didn't check the flight path? Yeah, you moved to Miramar by the airport. Oh, okay. So Paul said when he moved there, there was no railway at the domain. Oh, okay. Oh, poo-poo Paul, eh? Yeah. Yeah. A logistical compromise would be to extend the track railway at the domain. Oh, okay. Oh, poo-poo Paul, eh? Yeah, yeah. A logistical compromise would be to extend the track

deeper into the domain without encroaching towards existing houses. I'm all for that. Oh, yeah. Deeper into the domain? Sounds like we're going to get some treacherous territory and we're going to need some engineering solutions. I want to say he's saying that it's going to take up green space. I have a feeling that Craig doesn't enjoy the green space.

I don't think Craig's out there walking around enjoying green space. Taking his shoes off and earthing under the oaks. Oh, you know, exactly. Well, so it's just a track, isn't it? It can still be green. And you enjoy it. You enjoy the green because you're like, I'm going through the green. Help! Help me! I'm about to get run over by this here train. We need to go

on this train. How much fun are we having? And as I'm riding on the miniature, I'm going to lasso the switch and pull it. And so it goes clink and goes to the different track. You saved me. My hero.

Ain't no problem, missy. Just another day being a ranger here in Hallswall. I think you're too full on for the train club. I don't know if they'll accept your membership. Yeah, I think you might have put them off a bit

I would also demand we made a Steam locomotive that was also A time travelling flying train Like in the end of Back to the Future 3 I'd be Doc Brown Of course Our silly little poll is next on the show And it's all about life admin today

And when do you get it done Are you a weekend life admin or are you just all the time during the week? Silly little Poll. Silly Little Poll. Silly Little Poll. Silly Little Poll. Silly Little Poll today. Do you do your life admin on the weekend or during the week? There has never been a closer Silly Little Poll.

51% said on the weekend. 49% said do it during the week. Oh. I don't want to do it in either of those times. Life admin sucks. Maybe I'm a bit of both. But I think the weekend, there's certain things I always do. Like I clean my sheets on a Saturday.

So they're fresh. Clean up the house for the week. After filthy Friday. After filthy Friday. Oh, my God. Oh, yeah, filthy Friday. Fridays are yours. Froth and Lord.

Froth and filthy Fridays. Froth and filthy Fridays. But the rest of the admin, I'll just do like during the week, little bits of, you might pay some bills there. Well we do. I mean I'm an errands runner. I love it. And this is what I love

about this job. We're out of here most times before lunch for sure. And then you've got the rest of the day to just errands it up. I hate stopping for gas. I hate stopping

at the supermarket. I hate stopping for gas. I just want to get home. Yeah. But then is life admin also like the lawns and stuff? Is that? Yeah that's admin. get home. Yeah. But then is life admin also like the lawns and stuff? Yeah, that's admin. That's life admin.

Housework is life admin. You're always doing it. I love it. I love that. But would you rather be doing it at the weekend or the weekdays? If I get it done during the weekday, that's good because then it frees up the weekend. Yeah. For a little bit of leisure.

A little bit of R&R. But then a lot of people, like, if they finish work at five with daylight savings, you can't do the lawns in winter, so weekends it is. Yep. Jazz said, I specifically asked to work weekends to get that extra money, but also just because it's way easier to life admin on weekdays when everything is open.

Yeah, that's true. She's messaging from 1950 with, well, the shops were shut on the weekends. Some other messages in. Abby said, in the weekend for the big stuff like the supermarket shop, but try to tick off the little things like the washing when I'm working at home.

Oh, yep. Okay. Oh, yeah. Love a weekday wash. People saving up all their clothes to just do the weekend washing. We're doing washing every single day at our house. You've got two kids.

Yeah. Two kids at school. You couldn't do family washing once a week, could you? No, probably not. Imagine the pile. Oh, I know. Overwhelming. Taylor said, ain't nobody got time during the week for life admin.

That's the weekends where they do their admin. But then if you get really drunk and you're hung over Sundays ridden off, you don't get anything done. I know, and then you start Monday on a bad foot. You've got dirty sheets and nothing's been done. Sometimes needing to do something's enough to get you going when you're a bit hung, though. Yeah, true.

And then you work it off, and at the end of the day, you're just absolutely ready for bed. Yeah. Erica said, usually both. I try to get most done on lunch breaks during the week so I have my weekends to just chill. She's doing a life admin on the lunch breaks. Mardness.

Molly said it always allows my weekend to be more free and fun if I do it during the week, plus doing bits of admin throughout the week makes it feel less overwhelming as if it's broken up over a few days. That's some great mum advice there. Yeah, it is. Organised. I'm way too lazy on the weekend and I just want to relax,

so that's why I do it during the week. Amy said during the week so Amy said, during the week, so that my weekend is free to do whatever I please. A lot of people really valuing their freedom during the weekend. Sarah said, do it during the week, baby. Doing it on the company dime. Yes. That's a great idea.

During the work hours. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley. A new study researching New Zealanders and Kiwis has found that more than one million Kiwi parents are financially supporting their adult children with everything from basic living costs to weddings to home loans and even holidays. I feel like we've talked about the bank of mum and dad a lot

with home loans, but not. I feel like we've talked about the bank of mum and dad a lot with home loans, but not so much doing your groceries. So there is a big, I've got a graph, a big graph here. A graph. This is what the bank of mum and dad are paying for the most. Groceries, 44%. Wow. Letting them live at home without having to pay rent,

31%. Paying for bills like their mobile phone or their broadband is 26%. Paying for car-related costs, maybe Rego, car insurance,

petrol, is 22%. Charging a discounted board or rent at home, 22%. Free childcare, 20%.

Giving them money for a loan or a home deposit, 19%. And then things like paying for their car, parts of their car, paying for summer, all of their holiday, 13% of parents. Oh, their holiday. Could you imagine your parents just giving you money so you can go to Fiji or something? It's wild, eh? At what age? An adult.

No. No. Never, right? Never. No. I. No. Never, right? Never. No. I used to. The other stuff that I do, like the helping out, food and stuff. Yeah.

I don't think my parents would let me starve. No. If I was struggling. I don't think my parents would happily sit by and watch me fade away. I used to call the bank of mum and dad so often. When I left high school and then all the way up to maybe like 23,

I was constantly on the phone to the bank of mum and dad. Who was the easier touch? Dad. Which teller? Dad. Okay. Because my dad's the money earner in our family and he's soft. So he's the soft dad. Your dad, your dad, your dad's little girl. Yeah, my dad is a little girl. And I'd ring up and be like, hey.

And he'd be like, oh, here we go. He just knew the tone meant how much. Yeah, yeah. Or I'd rock into his office when I lived in Wellington. And then I'd fish around in petty cash and take a 20 and get out of there. Did it come with a caveat? Nope. No caveats.

You didn't have to do the lawns or wash the car or do anything. I didn't see that money being spent on dot, dot, dot. Nah. Wow. I know, I was very lucky. And then mum would be like, how much? Yeah. Because you're going to be an absolute soft touch.

There'll be caveats though. There'll be caveats on what can be spent on. Like what, some land work or something? Oh, no, no. I was just thinking, I don't want to see that spent on drinks. Well, they're not going to tell you. You didn't tell your parents. They didn't give me, like, money, money.

They didn't give me money, money. See, I would be transparent. My parents would just pay straight up for, like, help with rent or whatever. Right. But they wouldn't be like, here's some no holds barred cash. You're not yourself out doing whatever you and your mates are doing. And they knew how dodgy you were. Wow.

It wasn't going on booze. Yeah. Yeah. I used to just, I'd be transparent and be like, oh, I need to borrow some money. And Dad would be like, how much? I'd be like, how much is a Christoph Goon sack these days? And he'd be like, oh, around 20 bucks.

But see, my parents would buy me a Christoph Goon sack so that they knew that the money was being spent on Christoph Goon sack. Well, they actually wouldn't buy me a Christoph Goon sack. They'd buy me like a six pack of beers. They're like, that's plenty. That's plenty. That should last you the week.

The week! Plenty of beers there. And they would have been like that light 2.5%, you know? That's plenty. Play ZM's Fletch Vodden Ailey. There is a plant shop in the US that everybody's having a good chuckle about online because their company name is Plant Parenthood. I play on Planned Parenthood. I've just Googled Plant Parenthood. I play on Planned Parenthood.

I've just Googled Plant Parenthood and it seems there's a few places called Plant Parenthood. One, Plant Parenthood is an online and in-person community of parents who use psychedelics, plant medicine and cannabis. Sounds like a fun weekend away to be honest. So Planned Parenthood is like their family

planning that we have here. But it just looks, even when you see the name above the plant store, Plant Parenthood is like their family planning that we have here. But it just looks, even when you see the name above the plant store, Planned Parenthood, it just looks like Planned Parenthood. It's funny, I like it. Love a good pun. Same, when I see a punny place of business, I immediately have a lot of respect for them. Tie Me Up, the Thai restaurant.

It's going to be a Thai restaurant. It's Thai, T-H-A-I. There's the pie shop, Car Pie. Yeah, good. They should sell cars too. Yeah, Car Pie. Well done. Cars and pies.

Cars and pies. Somebody else said there's a Christchurch cafe called Flick the Bean. That's a risky. That's a risky That's a risky I think that refers to when you're eating baked beans on toast and one falls off onto the table and you flick it and then the dog eats it

Located right next to Challenge in the Wymat When I was 14 I went on my first date with a guy called Ben to a kebab shop in Wellington called Abra Kebabra. Abra Kebabra. How good is Abra Kebabra?

Yes, I love that. Abra Kebabra is so good. And it's punny. It's brilliant. It's punny. So we thought, like, we're already having so much fun with all these puns and local business names. We want you to call us up with your local punny business name.

Oh, there's so many flowing in. I feel like we could even, you know, just have a couple now. Have a couple now. There's a Thai restaurant in Tiaw now called Taiya now. Oh, yes. I like that. I like that. And the laundromat, of course, in Queenstown that all the backpackers use is called Washatipu.

Oh. Very good. There's, collar and tie is a Thai restaurant. Oh, okay. Collar and tie. It's a little bit kinky, isn't it? It is. Oh, it's just collar and tie.

Oh, like you dress up. Yeah, it's dressed up. Yeah, that's what I meant. Yeah. Oh, I thought you meant when you're naked, except for you've got a collar on. Oh, yeah, no. And you're tied up. All right.

0800 dials at M. Give us a call. Oh, yeah, no. And you're tied up. All right, 0800DilesAtM, give us a call. You can text 9696. What are your local punny business names? We're taking your punny local business names today, like the Thai restaurant, Tie Me Up. I love that. Or have we been hearing about, you know,

hairdressers always love a pun. Curl up and die. Yes. Curl up and die. Hairdressers, yeah, they... I'd put hairdressers always love a pun. Curl up and die. Yes. Curl up and die. Hairdressers, yeah, they are. I'd put hairdressers up there. A cut above. They're really a cut above.

Yeah, tradies and hairdressers are big pun users. My name is Richard. I take photos. My business is called Dick Pics. Oh, that is so good. Because his name's Richard. I love that. Yes.

Wow. Although I bet you get some requests. Now we're getting a lot of problematic requests. A lot of reports about a Christchurch-based sunglasses company. Oh, yes, I know this one. Are you allowed to say it? I don't think so. Yeah.

Well, it's a sunglass company. How bad can it be? Is it in the mall? Where do sunglasses sit? Is it in the mall? Sunglasses sit on your face. Oh, right. Okay, yeah, of course they do.

And so what's the business called? Happy to sit on your face. Sunglasses. That's what sunglasses do. They are. Wow, that's brilliant. They're bloody. That's what sunglasses do. They are. They're brilliant. Wow, that's brilliant. They're bloody good too. There was a lawyer in Queenstown, a law firm called Mame Blame and Claim.

Mame Blame and Claim. Yeah. There's a butcher in Milford in Auckland called Well Hung, the Well Hung Butcher. Because you hang the meat. And he's well hung. You want to hang it well or it'll fall on the ground Yeah Nobs and knockers in Auckland That sells handles for doors and cabinets

For a second I was like What do they sell? I love your door handles, where are they from? Nobs and knockers There was a furniture place where I used to live Called Sofa King And their slogan was Our live called Sofa King. And their slogan was our prices are

Sofa King low. I just really wanted to make sure I had sofa and then a little bit of a gap and then king. All right, we'll keep your punny

business names coming in. Right, pun businesses. Let's get through. We've got a long list. I want to get through some of them. Vietnamese restaurant in Christchurch

called U Hanoi Me. That's good. Where I lived in Australia, there was an Indian restaurant called Get It India. Oh, that's good. I like that. Hi, my surname is Ty, and I'm a house cleaner, so I call my business Ty D Houses. Oh, yeah.

Yeah, that's nice. That's nice. There's Starchy and Starchy Dry Cleaners in Pakaranga, which I like. There is a podiatry clinic in Milford on the North Shore called Shore Footed Podiatry.

Oh, yeah. That's a good one, man. That's a good one. Got my nails done at a salon that was rural and it was called Nailed in the Country. You want to check the business reviews on that before you pop up for your first one.

Hairdresser in Auckland called Live and Let Die. Oh, yes, I've been there. With D-Y-E. Yeah, the real kind of punky vibes. Oh, okay. There is a plumber in Hamilton that apparently drives around a very pimped out ute. Oh, okay. And his plumber's business name is Dr. Dray-nidge.

How does he spell nidge? N-A-G-E. Oh, yeah, like Dray-nidge. Cindy, what's the business name, the local punny business name? Well, I've worked in law for like 20 years, and the law firm that I came across one day was the best little law house. The best little law house?

Sorry, the best little law house limited. Oh, limited of course. Limited. The best little law house. I like that. It's naughty. It's very naughty but I like it. I've just got it. Yeah.

I had it, had've just got it. Yeah. You just got it. I had it, didn't I? Yeah, I've got it now. Hayley and I had it for a while. It wasn't until you really made law sound like an N-O-R-E that I got it. Yeah, there we go. Oh, my gosh. That's out there for lawyers.

For a law firm, for sure. Yeah, it is. Cindy, thanks for your call. Mike, tell us, what's the funny punny business name? Hey, there's a garage in Christchurch, a mechanic, and the name of his garage is Piston Cranky. Piston? Cranky.

Piston Cranky. That's good. That's bloody good. Is he an angry alcoholic? Because I don't feel like I want to take my car out on him. Someone who's drinking on the job. He's a good mechanic, but he is a little bit grumpy. Oh, I like it.

That works. That works. It goes with the brand. It does. Mike, thanks for your call. We've got some others. There's Alcatraz in Palmas the North.

That's the owl sanctuary. That sounds more like a prison, doesn't it? There's also a cattery in Marserton called Alcatraz. Alcatraz. So that's a different variation there.

Gotcha there. That's good. There's an optometrist in Waikanae called Waikanae Oh yeah, that's good Why can I not see that? Yeah, probably There's Unforgettable The Vietnamese soup restaurant

That's good Unforgettable We had a builder who specialised in small jobs. His company was called Small Erections. Small Erections by Dave. Oh, Dave. Good work, Dave. You didn't have to be confident to say that, Dave.

I love your cabinetry, Fletch. Who did it? Small Erections by Dave. It was Small Erections by Dave. My dream is to open a restaurant called Chur Bros, where we just sell churros. Oh, yeah. I'm on board.

My dad has a tree chopping company called Chopper Tread. As in like Chopper Reed. Yeah. Hatai Tai Tai. Hatai Tai Tai. Hatai Tai Tai. Imagine answering the phone all day if you looked at Hatai Tai Tai. Tai Tai Tai.

Yeah. Refrigerators. You always forget about that, but you know the refrigerated and shipping units that you see. I think every business should be a pun. They should try.

Yeah. They should try. And there's a few that I just don't get. So maybe I'm not as... Can you try one that you don't get? I want to see if I get it.

Where cake decorators and caterers called Twisted Flour and Sugar Merchants. That's not just me then. No, I didn't get that one. Twisted Flour and Sugar Merchants. Twist and Shout? Something about Twist and Shout?

No. Twist and Shout. Any others that you don't get? I want to call my business midwifery down under. Is it because she's Australian or we're down under because we're down under in the equator

and babies come out of down under? Yeah. Typically, yeah. I worked for Just Law. Oh yeah. What did I give that one? What is Just Law? Jude Law? Jude Law? My business name is based on a pun of Jude Law's name.

If I had a legal business, I'd call it Cold Slaw. Cold Slaw. Cold Slaw. Cold Slaw. Yeah, Cold Slaw. Not Cold Slaw. That's what I said. You said Cold Slaw.

It's Cold Slaw. It's a Cold Slaw. Cold Slaw. Okay, I'll call it Cold Slaw. That's what I said. You said cold slaw. It's cold slaw. It's a cold slaw. Cold slaw. Okay, I'll call it cold slaw then. Wait, so you're having a business based on a variation of herpes that develops on your lip? I don't think that's going to sell. Cold slaws. Great legal advice though.

Great. Hear the sound. Decide with the clues. Win the cat. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley. Play ZM. Well, someone's taken to Reddit to kind of suss the vibe on a situation they were faced with.

And they said they were invited to a beautiful wedding, beautiful invitation turned up. They had to select their, you know their meal. I imagine it was quite a formal wedding. They had to choose the salmon or the beef. And they sent their request back. And then two days

later they received a voicemail thanking them for their selection and then a request for $75 per person to cover the meal. And this bride was going to be charging all of her guests $75 a head. After the wedding or before, did you say?

Before the wedding. Okay. Oh, yeah, not post being like, hey, can you chuck some money in my account? Yeah. But just charging $75 a head. How much? But then you don't buy them a head how much? but then you don't buy them a present right? oh yeah

that's there I think the thing that's got people on the internet being like that's weird is it's the directness of being like you have to pay me X amount for the meal that you're going to eat as opposed to like we've got a wishing well,

you know, feel free to chuck some money in there and no gifts. So they're kind of, they're charging their guests to attend their wedding, basically. They're charging them for the food. It's a barge. Booze though?

No. Well, it's just 75 a head. So as a couple, that would cost you 150, which is probably what you'd give as a wedding gift anyway, wouldn't you? God. I've got a gold coin donation.

I must be there at school. A little koha. Yeah, yeah. Well, that's the thing. If you're paying for the meal, you're definitely not giving them a wedding gift. No, definitely not. Absolutely not.

Well, we did ask you on our Instagram and run a poll this morning. Would you pay to attend a wedding, pay for dinner, 33% yeah and 67% nah. If you don't want to pay, you probably aren't that good of friends with them, right? Yeah. If your friends are getting married and they're like, hey, look, this budget kind of thing's crazy. This is what we dreamed of, but all it requires is for you to pay for your food. I'd be like, eh. But you're already paying.

You're already paying for what you're wearing, getting there in some cases. Accommodation, flights. You might have to travel. Yeah. Yeah, it's a bit of a strange one. Or is there another approach, like if you can't afford that kind of meal?

Remember we've talked about potluck weddings before. That's right, yeah. It's a little less direct than here's an invoice for $150 for you and Sade. A couple of messages in. Brittany said, I would pay to attend if it was a close friend or a family member. Hannah said, I already spent at least $100 on a gift. I'd already be happy to pay. I would be happy to pay to go and not give a gift.

Yes. Yeah, she's saying that she already pays that for a gift. So if this is in lieu of a gift, then that's fine. Then that's fine. I'm just of the mindset of you should have the wedding that you can afford. And if you can't afford it, you need to downsize and have a smaller wedding or catering a different way. Yeah.

It's a lot of money, eh? It's also just a little bit awkward, isn't it? Everyone chucking in their money to eat the food. What if it's not there? Also, I'd be like, I'll change my order to the most expensive thing. Yeah, yeah, I'll go salmon then. Yeah. Well, the biggest one. Yeah. Okay, you know, I'll pay, but

just a little, can I find out, what's the biggest plate? What's got the biggest portion size? Yeah, yeah, one. Yeah. Okay, you know, I'll pay, but just a little, can I find out, what's the biggest plate? What's got the biggest portion size? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because is the steak like an eye fillet steak or is it like a T-bone steak? Yeah, what are we talking? Yeah, let's talk cuts of meat here. Trying to get the most from my dog.

Sibling rivalry. I think we should start, though, with an Vaughan and Hayley. Sibling rivalry. I think we should start, though, with an apology from you, Hayley, to Carl Wayne at the social media desk, who is an only child, and you just said they had no friends. Yeah, just hanging out in your bedroom by yourself most of the time. Or hanging out with your parents, which is even worse. Hey, me and my mum had so much fun. Did you have an imaginary friend?

I don't know. Who did you fight with? Just myself. Just internal turmoil 24-7. No, I refuse to apologise. Wow. So everybody, you're only child, but then everybody else is two,

them and one other sibling on the show, right? Yeah, and I'm from a family of three. You're the middle, the attention seeker. I'm the oldest family of three. You're the middle. Yeah. The attention seeker. I'm the oldest and you are the youngest. Youngest of two. So this study asked siblings, and this is based on their perceptions. Mm-hmm. So they asked them a whole bunch of things.

Firstly, who's the funniest sibling? Who's the funniest? Well, the youngest child, 46%, topped the list. The youngest child think they're the funniest. Oh, so they voted for themselves. But that says more about the younger child's... Well, they're more likely to think that they are. Yeah.

They've got a high opinion of themselves. Yeah. Dickheads. Whereas the oldest child, only 36% said they were the funniest. Yeah. Because they're not. Because they're not. They never are. They're not funny. No, they're not funny. They're living were the funniest. Yeah. I mean, I... Because they're not. Because they're not. They never are.

They're not funny. No, they're not funny. They're living with the realistic situation of the fact that they're dullards. Yeah. I mean, it's easy for my brother. I work in comedy. So that's pretty straightforward. You would hope I'd be the funniest.

Would you say your sister's the funniest in the family? No. Is she the baby? Yes. But this is about her perception of herself. Does she think she's the funniest? Does she think No. Is she the baby? Yes. But this is about her perception of herself. Does she think she's the funniest? Does she think she's funnier than you? No.

I don't think so. Do you want to message her? Do you want to just check? Just text her and be like, what, what, you think you're funnier than me? It'll just start a fight. I'd rather not engage. Okay, what about oldest or youngest sibling?

Who thinks they're most favoured by their parents? Oh, now, both my oldest and my youngest, I'm definitely the favourite. They love playing the victim. Oh, really? Like, she's got it so much easier than I had it as the first child. Oh, you're right. Well, I mean, this is going back some.

It's the youngest that is favoured, that thinks they're favoured most by their parents. Vaughan, who's your favourite child? Um... I've said it before, I'm not against having a favourite, and it would change, but at the moment, no, I don't think they've tested my ire enough for wanting to become favourite.

They're going to push you one way or the other. In the teenage years, I think you've probably established you're favourite. Yes. Okay. They'll be left a lot more in the will. Yep. And the teenage years, I think you've probably established you're favourite. Yes. They'll be left a lot more in the will. Yep. And I'll be telling them that while they're going through the teenage trials of dad's favourite. Who thinks they're the most responsible sibling?

The oldest or the youngest? Oldest. Oldest. 54%. Yeah. What about more successful? Who thinks they're more successful? The oldest sibling or the youngest? I mean, how do we measure success? Do you know what I mean? How do we measure success?

Well, the oldest child Thinks they're more successful More successful, yeah Would your brother say Think he's more successful? Than who? You I don't know

We honestly never have these conversations either because mum wouldn't let him even start because she knows that it's ending a fight. Yeah. More organised. The oldest sibling as well has a perception that they are the most organised. Yeah, I'd say my brother's far more organised than I am.

And also same as more able to prioritise their own life, more self-confident and more family orientated. Oh, interesting. What was the first one you said in that last little blitz of three? More organised, more able to prioritise their own life. Okay.

That's interesting. But when it came to being more easygoing and more relaxed, the younger sibling, they think they are. They think they're more easygoing and relaxed. I'm definitely more easygoing, more relaxed

and I'm very uptight. So what does that say about my brother? It's just a ball of nerves. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley. Fact of the day day, day, day, day. Yeah.

Today's fact of the day is in 2018 in Egypt, Candy Crush was listed as one of the main reasons behind divorces. What? Yeah. In fact, electronic games on a whole are very much written into reasons for divorces in Egypt. In 50 years, Egypt's divorce rate went from 7% to 40%. 7%? 7%.

I'm guessing it was quite traditional. Religious? Yeah, religious and as it's kind of modernised. Because what is it here? 50? 50-50. Yeah, right. Roll the50. Yeah, right. Roll the dice.

Yeah. Roll the dice on it. I thought it had gone down a bit because people weren't rushing into marriage as much. Marriage rates had dropped, so divorce rates had dropped a bit. Yeah. Yes. But we're still breaking up willy-nilly. Yeah.

Willy-nilly. The 2018 report showed PlayStation was mentioned in 250,000 divorce cases. 250,000? And Candy Crush was the main reason in 17,000 cases. So playing too much? Yeah, playing too much of it, ignoring your partner,

prioritizing it. Social media apparently are also to blame with Instagram Instagram and Facebook also being mentioned quite favourably in divorce proceedings

as reasons for divorce I just had to quick google because I saw this story yesterday or the day before on the 6th of April so tomorrow in the UK, England and Wales, you will be able to do a no-fault divorce. Oh, so you don't have to put a reason?

Sorry, a reason. What's it usually? Irreconcilable differences. Yeah, so now you're just like, I'm getting a divorce. Why? I don't bloody like him anymore. Yeah, you don't need to put PlayStation or a reason.

Adultery. Because you have to both agree on the reason? I'm worried now. I'm Googling acceptable reasons for divorce in New Zealand when you both agree to a divorce. Now you're going to get targeted advertising. For divorce lawyers and stuff.

And then Sade's going to see it on your work computer. She's going to be like, oh yeah, he's going to hear it. Well, you can finally, you can finally meet Laura. Lara.

sorry, you're an imaginary. God, have I been bloody hearing about that? Jesus. Well, you shouldn't have told her

you had that dream. Has Lara visited you again in your dreams? No. Do you miss her? I do. She's a very good friend, even though we only met

very briefly in one dream. Yeah, just Google acceptable. Because I know in New Zealand you still have to put a reason, don't you? I think so. So what are grounds for divorce in New Zealand? The only ground for getting it dissolved, your marriage is old,

is irreconcilable breakdown of a marriage or civil union. Oh, yeah. It's the same thing. You don't have to specifically put. PlayStation. Yeah. I caught him wearing my clothes. That's hot, though.

It's not bad. It doesn't always lead to divorce. It could lead to an exciting new chapter of marriage. It absolutely could. Yeah. But today's fact of the day is in 2018, both Candy Crush and PlayStation were named and shamed as a major reason for divorce in Egypt.

Fact of the day, day, day, day, day. Get ready to sort of clutch at your chest for a bit. This is going to make you wince somewhat. Okay. So a 15-year-old young man in the United Kingdom was challenged to a dare. The dare was to take their equivalent of lynx, get two cans, spray them direct on the nips. Wait, so one can per nip. Hard spray. That comes out cold. Axe

body spray. Axe body spray. Why do they have a different name for it here? I don't know. It's the same product. Australasian, right? Yeah. Lynx. Right. So we took the, I can imagine it was only, the scent was Africa. It must have been. Java.

Because it's the only scent that matters. He took them to the nips and he sprayed and sprayed and sprayed until. The whole cans. The whole can was empty. Both cans were empty on his nips. Then at that point, one of his friends thought it would be quite a good idea to flip, flick his nipples and they came right off. What? He's pretty much they came right off. What?

He pretty much dry iced his nipples. So his nipples were frozen, like frozen to their core, and when his friend went boof, like boof, like that, the areola is still there. Because that picture, it's like it's been raised to the ground, the nipple. Yes, it has. So the nibbly bit just came off.

Yeah, the volcano bit. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The peak of the mountain. Yeah. Came off with one flick. And now he's left with silly looking nipples for the rest of his life. Well, he's just got areoles.

Yeah, he went to the hospital. With a 2D nip. Yeah. It's no longer a 3D experience. Could you have scoured around the floor for the little nipple? You can stitch it back on. It's like when they freeze off moles.

Yeah, warts and stuff. They stick out. That's exactly what they do. They hit them and then they just take them off. It's like your fingers. If your fingers get frozen, theyarts and stuff. They stick out like that's exactly what they do. They hit them and then they just take them off. It's like your fingers. If your fingers get frozen, they can snap off. It's just so silly. Take care of your nipples out there today.

Absolutely. So he went to the hospital and had to explain what happened. He's actually been able to laugh at the situation. I think you have to. You have to. People have been trying to copy him since. Don't do that. What? Yeah. He said, now I

look back on it, it's so stupid. But it's happened and now I've got no nipples. Like I said, there's still like a stain there. There's a hint of the areola. But the surface of it is well gone. And theipply bit is gone.

It is. It's 2D. It's a 2D. Yeah, and I tell you what, this has led me to ask, and I don't know how, what was your nipple accident? I want to ask our listeners

if they've ever had a nipple accident of their own. I had a bit of a nipple accident. Open the floor. All right, I'll get us started. I'll kick us off a little bit. Oh, you've got one as well. I've got one too. Okay, we'll all share a nipple incident. I'll get a start. I'll follow you up next. You've got one as well. I've got one too. We'll all share a nipple incident. Did you expect to get many calls on this?

Well, we've got three people sharing stories right here right now. That makes four, including this poor guy in the UK with no more nips. Well, the thing is everybody's got nipples. Everybody's got nipples. If we're ever doing a topic where literally everybody could have a story, it works well.

Yeah. Well, my nipple story was I used to suffer terribly from eczema and I would always get it everywhere. And one particular summer I was getting it really bad on my nipples. They were always covered in eczema. And I was at marching one day and I'd been sweating because it's a very cardio heavy sport. Could I just hold, pause. I don't know where this is going. I don't even know nipples

could get eczema. Yeah, yeah, they did. They were like really bad as well. And I was wearing a tight sports bra to keep the puppies at bay. And at the end of a very heavy day of sweating, I was like, oh my God, I pulled off my polo and then i went to pull off my bra and i didn't do it with any caution and all of the skin of my nipples because of the sweat had stuck to my sports bra and they were like on the bra and like so that they were raw they were raw well all all my story was going to be is that um when i was doing the half marathon i'd just grate them off with a new top. Oh, yeah, chafed a bit.

So I had to wear plasters. Yeah, yeah, you always. And I got those perfectly round plasters and then I looked like a Barbie doll. Yes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Same colour as your skin. Yep. And you do, you look like you've got no nipples whatsoever.

That was my story. So I've ripped mine off. You've chafed you. You've grated yours off. I've veted my whole chest once. Like with the depilatory cream that melts the hair away. Now, I did leave it on for too long. No one forewarned me about how bad.

I mean, the instructions are on the bottle. Yeah, but no one explained to me just how important it is to follow those instructions. Seven minutes. I even think the V-t bottle should have been in capitals. Yeah. Screaming at me. Yeah. This amount maximumet bottle should have been in capitals. Yeah. Screaming at me. Yeah. This amount maximum and then wash it off in a cold shower.

I left it on for 10 minutes, I think. And my nipples wept. Yeah. I had weepy nipples. It was like I was lactating. I don't know what it was. Nipples wept. My nipples wept.

So you've still got them. They're still formed. I've still got nipples. They've had a hiding in my life, my nipples. Yeah. Like just when you said about the grating down the nipples in a shirt. That's happened. But also when we were kids, we had a cheap polystyrene boogie board.

Oh, yeah. All summer out there before rash shirts, nips straight on polystyrene. I'll tell you what else gets. And it melts the nipples down. I'll tell you what else gets a man nip is a hydra slide and being on the mat. You wouldn't experience this because you have the. I typically wear a top. I'm at the public pools. Only since you've been asked to.

Oh, my God. How many times? Well, there we go. There's four stories. There's four stories. We want to know, what was your nipple accident? Oh, 800-DARLS-IT-M-9696. Do you reckon anyone's pulled out a piercing?

I was just going to say, please don't tell me you've torn a nipple ring. Give us a call. So apparently this is a thing that people do, and we've heard stories more than once. A story from the UK about a guy that was dared to get a couple of bottles of deodorant and spray them on his nips, and his friend flicked the nipple clean off, like they do with warts.

Do not try this at home. Freeze dried it. Yeah. Somebody said, we did this when we were 14, living in the UK, accepted the N instead of flicking it off. Like they do with warts. Do not try this at home. Freeze dried it. Somebody said, we did this when we were 14 living in the UK, except at the end, instead of flicking it off, you clip the clothes peg onto it and it just popped the nip straight off. Don't do that. Why would you be taking your nipples off? You're 14, your nipple

hasn't even lived yet. It hasn't lived. Boy, what a life ahead. You're 20s, one day you're going to flick it on something and you're going to be like, oh my God. Jesus Christ. An awakening. We are talking about nipple accidents on the show this morning. And wow, getting some stories.

We thought there might be a shortage of nipple stories, but not the case. No, well, we've all got nipples. I said from the start, this would be a runaway success. Had a girl working on our farm with a nipple piercing. One day she was climbing through a fence and the nipple piercing got caught and ripped it right out. Yeah, this is one of those conversations that definitely makes you go. Sherea, what happened? Hi.

Well, I was smoking a cigarette. Sometimes people say that tailor-made. Tailor-made. Tailor-made. Yes. Okay. Sometimes people say tailor Mades are lucky when someone's thinking of you,

and the way to tell is when the red ember gets real long. No? Oh, someone's thinking of you. Jesus Christ, I've heard of star signs, but I've not heard of city signs. Oh, yeah. Someone must have been thinking about me that day because the whole red piece fell off

and fell down in my brows and burnt my nipple. Oh! Oh, my God. Oh, no. Jeez. What was the scarring like? Yeah, just a little scar lying on my nipple. Yeah, so you've still got a scar to this day.

A little burn mark. Oh, wow. I couldn't get it out. I was like, oh, God. And I'm going, oh, my God, get out, get out. And I got a lot. Tried to lift my brow and everything, and it got stuck there. And I was like, oh, shit,, get out, get out. And I'm going to drop. Tried to lift my bra and everything, and it got stuck. And I was like, oh, I should have put it under cold water.

Well, did you stop, drop, and roll? You're on fire. No, that would have only pushed it higher onto the nipple. Oh, thank God for that. You're too sensitive. Oh, Sherea. Someone comes home. Sherea's got a tit out in the sink.

Running around in a bowl of water. All right, give me a tit. Why is Sherea got her tit in the sink? Oh, she burned her nip because someone was thinking of her and her durry ember got real long. You know old Sherea. Keep your tits and coals coming in. We're talking nipple injuries after this dude lost a nipple to a can of Lynx in a flick.

This is a PSA for nipple piercings, isn't it? It is. So many nipple piercing stories and breastfeeding stories as well. I'm sure somebody said, I'm sure you've heard from plenty of breastfeeding mums that will know the pain

of when your children first grow teeth. Oh. But I was feeding my son in Christchurch 2010, 2011. There was a tremor. I tense up, he bites down.

Oh. Fairly traumatised nip after that one. Yeah, somebody said all the mums out there right now are just really feeling like getting taken back to that time. Someone said I stupidly wore a lace bra while jogging.

No, no, no. No, no, no. No. No. The support alone is bad. Sandpaper. Sometimes you just want to go for a yog and feel sexy, you know? You know what you do?

You do. Take your sexy knickers. Yeah. And then when you get to wherever you want to feel sexy on the yog, put them on. Or put them on underneath, but then chuck a bend on on top. Or put the bend on underneath. And then lace on top. Lace over top.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. MJ, you had a nipple accident. So I had a fresh nipple ring for like two months maybe. And I do remember when I put the piercing in it, they told me to be careful of doors and stuff. And I wasn't quite so careful of the shower door. Yeah. Climbed in, hooked off the shower door. Yeah. Climbed in, hooked it on the door.

It never pulled out or anything, but it fucked the whole boob off. Got a tough nip. That's what they always say about MJ. Oh, no. Oh, tough nips, MJ. I've seen a nipple that had a ring in it, and it was like it had been yanked out, and it was just like a concave like crater.

Oh dear. How are your nipples now MJ? Nipple update? Um, well the seat belt doesn't last you very much so it's constantly in trouble but it's okay. The seat belt! Oh god! Yeah, that was another thing they warned about because the seat belt rubs right

over it all the time. Oh god, wow. That. That was another thing they warned about, because the seatbelt rubs right over it all the time. Oh, God. Wow. Oh, that'd either be terrible or kind of nice. Yeah, word to those who are wanting a piercing, think about it. Yeah, think about it. MJ, thanks for your call. What about you, Julie?

You had a nipple accident? I did. I was only 15, and I was on a horse riding camp, and someone was hiding up the girth on their horse, which is the bit that holds the saddle on. Someone was what? Hiding the girth. Oh, right. Okay. Just get to watching Yellowstone. Fletcher will know all about the saddle and all the bits and pieces.

They were hiding up the girth. Hiding the girth. And the horse just lashed out, shot its head out and bit the closest thing it could find, which happened to be me and my nipple. Oh my God. Did it like do damage? Well, it ripped my bra and made the nipple bleed, but that was through like three layers of clothing.

Oh my God. At 15? A horse has got a big mouth. For me at 15, that would have been the whole breast in the mouth. That would have been it, the whole the mouth. Yeah, it would have been. That would have been it, the whole chest. Wow.

Oh, Julie. Did that put you off horses? Well, almost off horses anyway because mine wasn't a great horse. But it was, yeah, we had to keep, I was 15. I was so embarrassed that I didn't tell anyone. But I kept it to ride for another couple of days and the pain was just. Oh, my God. Yeah.

Bloody horses, eh? Full recovery, though? Full recovery? The nip is... Full recovery? I mean, I've since fed two children, and so they're scarred. Oh, they're scarred. Scarred to smithereens anyway. Brilliant.

Julie, thank you for sharing some messages in. Some horrible stories. People with horse stories. A few messages of... The old horse. The old... Yeah. I mean, just flicking.

Well, this is why back in the old days, the knights used to wear body armor. Stop the nips being nipped. It was strictly for the nips. Anything being nipped at. Somebody said, I burnt my nips on the supermarket chicken warmer. Were they reaching for a chicken in the back? They were reaching for a chicken in the back.

They were going for the freshest chuck. Yeah, but how were your nips out? No, they weren't. But you know, it's like sometimes that you'd be leaning. Yeah. And by the time the heat gets through, it's really, really hot. Did it touch the number six chicken or did it touch an element? No, I think it touched the element or some steel aspect.

Oh, it might have been the juice. You know the juice in a supermarket chuck. Always as hot as Hades. Hot as Hades. It'll burn a nip. My boyfriend was playing with our breast pump. So when you have a baby, you can pump the milk from your breast. And he wanted to have a turn on it.

He put the suction on high and put it on thinking it was a bit of a gag and walked around and la-di-da-di-da. And then he took it off and really his nipples were very, very bruised. The one had a big crack in it. It sounds like he's got dry nipples, though. A crack. You got to moisturise. It sounds like he needs to moisturise.

Yeah, I'm a bit worried about that he's got some really dry nips there. Follow-up message from the Chookburn. Yep. They say this was accidentally on purpose. Then they were leaning their nips on the steel. Oh, because it's warm. They're like, oh, this is nice on purpose. Now, do you think they were leaning their nips on the stair? Oh, because it's warm. Oh, they're like, oh, this is nice on a cold day. Especially in winter, you're like, lean over.

Heat me up. Put the nips on there. But then the warmth went to burning. Too quickly. As it very much would. Oh, okay. My toddler launched himself off the bed last night and grabbed my nip through the top, through my top with his teeth.

No, your nipples aren't meant to carry the weight of a toddler. No. Yeah. Ah. That's an odd look from you, a puzzled look. My mate can squeeze green stuff out of his nips on cue. No. I would probably go and see a doctor.

That doesn't sound like a party trick. That sounds like a dormant tumor. I need more trick. That sounds like a dormant tumour. I need more info. That sounds like a tumour. It's a tumour. It sounds a hell of a lot like a tumour. I think you've got a tumour. Soundkeeper Alls is in.

Good morning. Good morning. Guess what, quickly. In my Uber today, it turned up. It was a Tesla. I rode to work in style. Did you get the Lamborghini doors? Not the doors, but I didn't know how to open it.

That was so fancy. How do you open a Tesla? There's like, yeah, some random little button thing. And it does self-steering. He showed me that. Well, no, I don't know how to open the shape. Does he just spend his whole time showing off his Tesla? Because people are like, this is the first time I've been in one.

When I got an Uber Tesla, it was the Lamborghini doors. He was so stoked to pick us up. We got in and he was like, do you want to see how fast I can reach 50k? And we were like, yeah, go on. It was like, there you go, two seconds. Wow. Yeah, so that was fun. So was that five stars? You gave them five stars? Yeah, I did.

Well, your day's about to get better. God, yes! I'm going to eat one. Bag of Fijos. You love Fijos. Dude, I'll sit there under the tree and just devour them. We used to do that when we were kids. You get so poosy if you eat too many Fijas. Yeah, you do.

They go right through you. They go straight through you. Can I eat one? Yeah. Oh my God, you're just going through the skin. That's how you do it.

Oh, these are good. Straight off the tree. Good Fijas. Is that better than riding in a Tesla though? Yes. Oh wow, she's hurting the face.

Good praise. You had a bad night on the Fijas bodies though, eh? Yeah, when I was 16, I had a terrible night on the Fijoa Vodis, though, eh? Yeah, when I was 16, I had a terrible night on Fijoa vodka. My mum had to peel me off the toilet and put me to bed. I reckon never touch another Fijoa. I reckon a lot of people would have been, thanks, 42 Below.

That's why I can't eat that fruit Midori. Oh, the Midori fruit. Yeah, that's why I can't do that. What, you went ham on the Midori? I bombed green on my friend's carpet. It was the same. I can no longer sit underneath the purple guano tree and eat the delicious fruit of the purple guano.

Oh, that's no good. All right. Now, there is a clue coming today for Secret Sound. Yes, at four. That's exciting. You'll finish your beat, Ella. Basically, there's an exclusive clue dropping today on Neon.

For Neon subscribers, you have to sign up for their 14-day free trial and then you'll get an email. You know how you get the emails from everyone?

Yeah, so you opt in for the emails? Yeah. Okay, do that because also, the upside of that is you get 14 days of amazing TV shows

and movies on Neon. I know. My favourite. Yeah, it is. Teas and Se's apply. So do that and four o'clock be listening for that clue. Joining us this morning is Tessa. Good morning, Tessa.

Good morning. How are you? Good. Thank you. Good. Right. Well, you've managed to get through that first hard bit. The next hard bit is telling us what this sound is. The $50,000. What is it? I think that it's

a pulling the pin on a fire extinguisher. Have you ever had to do that before? No, I haven't. No. Aaron just recently taught me how to do it. I don't even know if I know how to do it, to be honest.

In an emergency you'd figure it out quite quickly. It shouldn't be too hard. You want it to be easy when you're panicking. But it's those pins, eh, that are almost like a bobby pin that goes like do-do-f, do-do-f, do-do-f. Like a pin in a grenade so you don't accidentally squirt your extinguisher. How many grenades have you detonated? Many.

You're a big grenade tosser. Yeah. And you've looked at the clues? I have, yes. Many. It's a grenade tosser. And you've looked at the clues? I have, yes. So you've somehow gotten that answer through them? Yes.

Don't make out your clues actually. Help. Actually help anyone. Help in any way. Make it worse. It can't be too easy. Hey, Tessa? Yeah?

That is not the secret sound. All right, hard luck, Tessa. All thanks to Neon. Sign up for your 14-day free trial at neontv.co.nz. T's and C's apply. Sign up today before four and get that clue. Soundkeeper Al's is in and we've got a clue dropping this afternoon, 4 o'clock. Yes, and it's exclusive clues, so sign up to Neon for the 14-day free trial.

T's and C's apply. Oh, yes. T's and C's do apply. Don't forget that. And then, yes, tick the box to receive emails because at 4 o'clock, you'll be getting a wee clue in the email. Yes.

Hope it's a helpful one this time, unlike your other ones, honestly. Lucy joins us. Good morning, Lucy. Hi, how are you? Good, thank you. Hi, how are you going? Super good.

So this is the secret sound that you no doubt have been replaying in your head and online over and over again for $50,000. Lucy, what is it? I think that it might be a guillotine chopping down. Like you put your cartridge paper in there? Or on a head. Yeah, not a head, right? Not a head one, Lucy? Yeah, no, not a head, no.

A paper one, okay. A paper guillotine. Because they don't have the big, like, choppy down things now. They're on rollers, aren't they? We used to be able to use those at primary school. You used to just go and guillotine your paper as an eight-year-old. I remember saying to their principal, oh, a guillotine's not cutting the paper.

Right, and so you've got to... I'm actually a teacher, so, yeah. I think it's the choppy down ones. Yeah, would you get a whetstone out and sharpen the blade on the guillotine so it would cut through paper? Yeah, yeah, yeah. But do you have the one that comes down a big arm, or is it on a roller? Yes, yeah, we've got the arm and the roller ones.

Oh, damn. Wow, I thought they got rid of those because of safety. Screw safety. Oh, you may be a school-reads a bit of a jokin' too. Can you not eat your cereal, please? No one eats oats, and it is cereal, so thank you for the confirmation on that. It's oats.

It's oats or oats. Don't eat your cereal, and I'm eating oats. No. And you know I only eat oats. Oats or oats. You've stuffed us. Lucy, what do you think it is for $50,000? We're locking in guillotine?

Yeah. Paper guillotine. Okay. We're doing it. Lucy? It's mandatory silence here. That is not the secret sound. No, no, no, no.

All right. You watch out. None of those kids lose a finger today in the guillotine. Jesus, don't say that. Now you've just cursed her. She's going to be standing by the guillotine all day. I'll keep an eye on them. Yeah, do that. Do that.

It's a good life lesson. It is. Losing a finger, isn't it? Oh, no, no, no. One way to lose. It's a good life lesson. You know, it's not like a gross bat. All it cost you was a single digit.

ZM's Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley.