ZM's Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley - Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley Podcast - 5th September 2022

Episode Date: September 4, 2022

Monopoly Advice  Top 6: Criminal Savings  Just a Bit of the News  Embarrassing Rescues  Guy Montgomery!  Monday Maestro's!See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

The ZM Podcast Network. I got my head out this sunroof, I'm blasting my favorite tunes high. Hello, welcome to the Fleach, Vaughn and Hayley Podcast. It's thanks to McCafe, Download, Scan and Play the Monopoly game at Maccas to be in to win. Jeez Louise. I just saw on Facebook memories, 11 years ago today, we announced we were expecting a baby. And today... 11.

Yeah, I know. Eleven years ago. Since the old sonograph picture goes up. Yeah. And then on this day, eleven years later, that baby is off to school camp. Oh, my God. School camp. School camp. Time flies, doesn't it?

School fucking camp. Also, terrible day for it. Terrible day for it. Terrible week for a school camp. Terrible week. Now, where do kids go on school camp now? The Ritz Carlton. You should see what they were packing for school camp.

Shadow's like, I might need to go and buy a bigger suitcase. I'm like, a suitcase? A suitcase I've got a huge problem with. Get her like a massive duffel bag. All those plastic tricolour woven plastic things that you always see at the markets. The best. Full of clothes. You bought, they were like two bucks.

The zip would only last for two days. But that was alright because you were just chucking all your clothes in it and dropping them at the op shop. This is public primary school. Public primary school. Where did you go on school camps? You must have had suitcases. No, I went to a public primary school. Oh, right.

At private school, I think we went to a public primary school all right um at private school i think we went to new caledonia for school camp that's not a school no no that was for a french trip i loved school camp we went to forest lakes which was like this cool camp you know it had a mudslide into a lake and like cabins yeah cool and then i think one one night we pitched a tent on the lawn at school and that was sort of the tent pitching side of things right so you went on a school camp at school oh and i did one in abel tasman oh nice i remember this i remember the school cam in the back of nowhere in taranaki and it was um no that's not Taranaki Oh, I thought it was out the back Uruweras

No, isn't that like Palmy? What are those mountains out the back? Dunno The mountains At the mountain at the back of New Plymouth The mountains Well, there's heaps of hills and stuff Back blocks

I think it was out past like Like Uruwui Way past there Oh, okay And there was a flight Uruwui, that's what I meant What did I say? Uruweras

Yeah Yeah, no, I was wrong about that Uruweras are by Rotorua. It's like they filmed part of The Last Samurai around there. But I remember there was a school camp, and the shit you could get away with back in the day, there was like a flying fox that you could jump off into a lake, and I swear the drop was like 300 metres.

It felt like it. That's not the only time on today's podcast you're going to hear 300 metres being drastically used as exaggeration. meters it felt like it's not the only time on today's podcast you're gonna hear 300 meters being drastically used as exaggeration but i feel like it was either you hang on for dear life or you fall 300 meters like it was that kind of stuff so what kind of stuff is she packing for this camp i like lots of clothes and lots of snacks we didn't take snacks either you were out there it was kind of provided right uh? Snacks, clothes. So a sleeping bag, but as well as a sleeping bag,

a fitted sheet for a single bed and a fluffy blanket for school camp. You have a sleeping bag and that's it. And then your tent floods and everything gets wet and it's miserable and camp gets cooled off early. I'm looking up this camp, I just popped into my head,

Lake Okotaina just out of Rotorua. It looks exactly the same as when I went in there in like 1992. Over here this is the cabin I was in on the end of this cabin and over here is where we watched a man with a crossbow shoot wallabies. Wow Sounds safe

I don't want to make you feel scared for your girls safety but this was when I was in high school I think I was 14. And I can't even remember where I went, and I'm not saying that to keep their business anonymous, but we did a bridge swing. So not a bungee, but you're like harnessed up, and you jump off a bridge and it swings.

And I got down to the bottom. The guy says, oh, did you undo the carabiner? And I said, no. And then he just yelled up to the guy at the top and was like and just like swearing. And I jumped off a bridge when the thing wasn't even latched. Yeah, you tighten fully and do a half turn back. I need to go. I need to go. I need to catch a ferry. I need to get out.

Get the F out of here. Play Zed In's Fletchford and Hayley. Thank you, Sam. Good morning. Welcome to the show, Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley. Two minutes past six. Did you guys watch the Taylor Hawkins... Yeah. ...tribute concert?

Yeah. His son on the drums for My Hero. Oh, I was crying. I was crying. Yeah, there was that moment, and when he broke down during times like these. Oh, no. It's like...

Well, he's been through it, hasn't he? He's lost a few bad nights. Old Dave Grohl continues to just get out there and bloody do it, you know? Yeah. And he loves a barbecue. You love a barbecue? Loves grilling. Loves smoking meats.

Oh, wow. Yeah. I sort of would have thought of him as a vegetarian type. I had wondered. But no, no. Love, a huge fan of meat. Yeah, right. Good for him.

Father's Day yesterday. How was Dad's Day? Did you get any presents? Yep. Speaking of meat, I got a meter, a snitchel. Did you get a snitchel? No, snitchel. Not a schnitty.

The meter is a thermometer that you put into the meat and you can leave it in there while it's in the barbecue. It's all stainless steel. It's a bit like that one the vet uses to go up the cat. Yeah. Oh, you could do this up the cat. It's a bit sharp. Oh, yeah, right.

Because it's got to get into the meat, of course. Yeah, right. And don't put the cat in the barbecue either. No. You'll skew the temperature, the internal temperature of the cat there if you pop it in the grill. Maybe use a little bit of lube to get back into the meat like they do at the beach. No, if the meat, you've got the right meat, it'll be juicy enough. Right, it just goes right in, does it?

Yeah. Right. Well, even dry-aged steak would have moisture there. Well, it's good to know that the next barbecue, the meat will be a lot less... Chewy. Yeah. Thank God you're... I will swear at you both.

You dare. You can do a lot of things around here. Don't accuse me of having a dry meat. You dare accuse me of chewy meat. You cook a good beef. Hands! Yes, chef! Oh, my God. How good is that? It cook a good beef. Hands. Yes, chef. Oh my God.

How good is that? It's a great show. What's it called? The Beer. Yeah. Man, I chewed it up. I'm only an episode in. How?

I watched eight episodes in a day. It's so good, eh? So that's the whole season. Friday. Done. Hands. Yes, chef.

Hands. Yes, chef. It's a sign of respect. I call you chef. You call me chef. Hands. Yes, chef. Yes, Chef. Hands. Yes, Chef. It's a sign of respect. I call you Chef. You call me Chef. Hands. Yes, Chef. You guys aren't saying yes, Chef.

I haven't seen that bit yet, have I? Corner. You've got to say corner. I didn't know that when you walk around a corner in a restaurant, you're supposed to say corner. I knew that they said behind. Yeah, behind. Step behind and yeah.

It's crammed quarters back there. All right. Hands. Coming up on the show this morning, 8 o'clock after the news, we've got a big announcement. And this is a big, big, big announcement. Hang on, let me find it on the sheet. Oh, that's big, that's big.

That's a big announcement. That's big. We've got a big announcement coming up, 8 o'clock this morning. Do you remember last time we said we had a big announcement, it was Friday James Live? Yeah. And we were hyping it up and we followed through. Yeah.

I think it's going to be the same at 8 o'clock. Well, yeah, people will be very happy that this is returning, let me just say. Oh, it's easy-weezy. The top six is coming up on the show. Yeah, apparently some gangs have been managing to get their ill-gotten gains into KiwiSaver. Goodness, man. Well, I mean, it's good that they're thinking about retirement like the rest of us.

Yeah. Well, they're looking to put a stop to it. Even though I think the KiwiSaver could do with the bolstering. You know? Let the rest of us up. Let the gangs put, yeah, a rising tide lifts all boats. I mean, they are stealing from us in the first place. Or making money off of us illegally in the first place.

Yeah. Right. Might as well make some KiwiSaver out of it. But I bet the top six other ways gang members can save for their retirement. All right. It's next. It's coming up on the show next, though. There's a health warning against a trend.

I mean, I know we're all on board with. Play. ZM's Fletchvorn and Hayley. TikTok has some weird suggestions. You know, like everyone on TikTok is, what do they call them? TikTok doctors. TikTok doctors.

Sure. TikTok doctors. TikTok doctors. Like everyone has their, you know, their medical opinions. Yeah. And one of them that you may have seen is it's a health trend that has had millions and millions of views.

A lot of TikTok users getting behind this one is perineum sunning. That's your butthole, isn't it? Well, no, that's the bit in between your front junk and your back junk. I thought that was a gooch. It is. It's got a scientific name. It turns out gooch isn't the scientific name. Is gooch not the scientific?

Oh, no, perineum is. Perineum is, yeah. Yeah, it's the little bit that separates them. Right, okay. The demilitarised zone, if you will. Yeah. Yes, the man's land. Well, some men's land.

Anyway, so a lot of people have been advocating for sunning your perineum. So literally like chucking your legs back and getting a bit of sun on all your bits. And you've got to spread for that to happen, don't you? You've got to spread. You've got to be in a position towards the sun. Yeah, if you're tucked wrong, it won't be facing up. So you've got to really spread it. Yeah.

And apparently a lot of people have been sort of vouching for the fact that it increases your vibrations. Oh, fuck. Okay. I don't know what my vibrations are, but I want to increase them. Right. Yeah, right. Who was the celebrity a year or so ago?

Josh Brolin. That's right. Do you remember he came out? He got a very badly sunburnt anus. Yeah. It's very sensitive skin. It's very sensitive skin. Well, it never sees the sun, does it?

No. The skin. Pale as all hell and very, yeah, very sensitive in nature. It hasn't been hardened by life. You know. Like the skin on your face. Not by the calloused hand. Yeah.

I'm a working man No it's the gentle Silken gooch skin Yeah I mean the sun The sun can be good For our skin can't it Getting exposure But you just

You can't do it for long No you can't And so now Medical professionals Are saying Please don't do this Because it is Incredibly sensitive skin

And if you damage it It can cause A bloody world of pain. Skin cancers. Imagine getting skin cancer. Where's your skin cancer? Gooch. Oh my Gooch. I've got Gooch cancer. Alright, well there you go. Of all the cancers to get, you don't want that.

We've just gone into spring, so we're a few months away from summer. I'm wondering when the first weekend where the sun gets you. You might be outside doing something and then you're like, oh, and it gets you. Even though you should sunscreen up the whole year round, guys. Well, we've got a wild week of weather and cold stuff ahead of us, but it won't be long.

I don't think you should dip your gooch in the snow either. No. I just think. That's a whole nother. I just think keep it. Keep your gooch away from nature. Keep your gooch away. Air it out.

Yeah. But I don't think you need to present it to the burning sun. What about letting the rain fall on the gooch? That could feel quite nice. Fresh rain. Yeah, that's probably all right. Oh, imagine when one hits you right in the butthole, though. Like, wait.

Almost. You know, yeah, yeah, like a little head just, and you're just like, oh, that could be worth it, actually. Give that a go today if it's raining and you're into the woods. You know when it's that real fat rain? Yeah. You know when you're like, man, this rain is wet. Yeah, but then if there's hail.

Oh. Oh. Yeah. You don't want like some stones. You know when all the car dealerships have to claim insurance because it hurt their roofs? Yeah. Or the car roofs. It don't hurt your roof.

No. Next on the show, our silly little poll. How do we feel about tapping the can before we open it? I don't know what this is. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley. Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley. Silly little poll. Silly little poll.

It is so silly, silly, silly. That's a silly little poll. Silly little poll. Silly little poll. Silly, silly, silly, that silly little pole. Silly little pole. Silly little pole. Silly little pole. Silly little pole. Today's silly little pole, something that's long annoyed me because I don't think it's a thing. Yeah.

Tapping, and you don't even know what this is. I've never heard of it in my life. So tapping a can of soft drink before opening it. Like what? Yeah, you just give it a couple of taps on the thing. You ever seen anybody pick up a can and they're like, before they, psss. Never in my life.

Because the idea is that if your can's been shaken about while you've been carrying it, that it'll stop it fizzing over, fizzing out. Oh. Have you never heard that? I don't really drink, I mean, I don't really drink fizzy drinks. Oh my God, okay. I don't know if you've noticed. Hold on, I don't really drink fizzy drinks. Oh, my God. Okay.

I don't know if you've noticed. Where's your medal? My body is a temple. Have you never had a can of anything? I don't like drinking fizzy drinks out of cans. Oh, you'd go like a glass bottle? But sometimes you have to, right? Yeah.

Sometimes you just have to. Or it might be like a, I don't know, like a Pals or a beer or something out of a can. I'd pour it into a glass. Yeah. But you'd still tap it. Some people would tap it. I don't ever tap it. I never tap it either.

No. It's more ironic. That was what we asked today. Do you tap a can of soft drink before opening it? 38% yeah. Wow. And nah, 62%. That's a lot of percent though that are doing this tappy thing.

Just out of habit? I think so. When you're a kid, someone tells you that, and then forever, for the rest of your life, you believe it? Yeah. Wasn't there a myth, like most great things, most unanswered questions, wasn't there a Mythbusters episode on tapping the can? I can't believe I've missed this.

I feel sort of ripped off of an experience. Should you tap? Well, there's a lot of YouTube videos about it. Evian. Evian water doesn't come in a can though,

does it? It just comes in a bottle. Yeah, because with my San Pellegrino, that's a bottle as well. A bottle, yeah. Some people think tapping the sides

or the top, oh yeah, break up the bubbles. No. But yeah, it's not. It's still shielding them. Who's think tapping the sides or the top, oh yeah, break up the bubbles. No. But yeah, it's not. It's still sealed in there, right? Who's shaking up the cans so much? If you dropped it or if it got accidentally a little shooketh on the way out of the vending machine, you gotta tap, tap, tap. Yeah, I think people say

if you don't want your drink to bubble over, if you're that worried about it being shaken up, just let it settle. You can't wait. When you want a can of Coke, you're having a can of Coke now. What are the people saying? Well, Abby says,

Dan, this riles me. Grow up and stop tapping your can. Oh, she's angry. Abby. You and Abby. I love it when someone gets passionate about a cause. Yeah. Especially when it's one so dead of my own heart.

Regan says, one, who has time to tap a can? Two, I'm thirsty. Regan's time poor. If he doesn't have time to tap a can? Two I'm thirsty Regan's Time poor If he doesn't have time To tap a can Nicola

I'm a scientist I know this does Absolutely nothing But I still do it Because it's just What you do My husband thinks I'm ridiculous

You are a scientist And you are ignoring The science You are about to Lose your tist Yeah What? And just be a

A sigh A sigh Johnny says Mythbusters did an episode Where they prove It doesn't make A science. You were about to lose your tist. Yeah. What? And just be a sigh. A sigh. Johnny says Mythbusters did an episode where they prove it doesn't make the bubbles fizz any less. But I still tap just because. There you go. Johnny's seen the episode. The Mythbusters episode.

So it was. Just habitual. No, apparently you can shake and shake and shake a can and it will never froth over when you open it. Never tried it, though. Tash, that's the dumbest thing I've ever heard. That's silly. If you shake and shake and shake a can and give it two taps, it's still going to blow out.

It's still going to froth over. Bloody silly. It is silly. Yeah. It's just a ritual. A lot of people, it's just a habit thing. Next on the show, if you've got a game of Monopoly planned. I always do.

The world Monopoly champion has a hot tip to win a game of Monopoly. Oh, okay. It makes perfect sense. When you hear it, you'll be like, of course. Do you know how to win the Macca's Monopoly? What's going on at the moment? I just buy and eat lots of Maccas. Right.

Play ZM's Fletch Vaughan and Hayley. Speaking of McDonald's, at the moment you can play McDonald's Monopoly and then Monopoly is also a board game and there is a world champion of it. That was a real sloppy segue. It was a multi-part. It has the potential to be something beautiful. Yeah, I mean if I was to say Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley, the show thanks to McCafe, download, scan and play the Monopoly game at Macca's

to be in to win at 626. Speaking of McDonald's. No. Speaking of Monopoly. Speaking of Monopoly. It's right there in front of you. Speaking of Monopoly. Yep.

Yeah, you need to reflect on a waste of money. It's too much pressure. Broadcasting school, gosh. Monopoly. The board game that has ruined many family evenings. True, it has. The world champion of Monopoly has given his hot tip to winning a game of Monopoly. The world champion?

Yeah, where do these competitions occur? The Cola Falcón. It was held in Macau in China in 2015 And it happens every few years So I think there's due to be another one Is it like the Olympics? But how do you Do they compete

You know like the chess champs Do they compete against just one other person? Because playing Monopoly with two people It also takes hours It's different It's just different Because one person just financially crippripples the other person And then

That's it Game over He took 47 minutes To win his game of Monopoly That got him Crowd world champion 47 Yeah

That's insane Must be playing against One other person Like you say Yeah Speed events The Monopoly board has Hot spots

Which you should get to know If you want to play Monopoly seriously Like Park So this is his tip. No, no, no, no, no. This is just the lead up to the tip.

Right. This is just a little foreplay before the tip. Here's mine. Be the banker and free parking. Be the banker and slip yourself a five every now and then. His is not that. Okay. It's try to get yourself in jail toward the end of the game.

Oh, and to sit there. And just stay in jail as long as you can. Refuse to pay to leave because when you're in jail, you can't land on other people's properties, whereas they can still be out there landing on yours and earning you money. Are you allowed to collect when you're in prison if someone lands on your property? Yes.

Oh, that's great. But you can only stay in prison for three goes. Three rounds. Yeah, but if you're playing with six people or four people, how many pieces are there? Six, right? So if you're playing as six people, that's 15 opportunities for you to collect.

Whereas earlier in the game, you don't want to be in jail because it costs you the ability to buy properties. Yeah, yeah. He said also a rule, a bugle rule people know about, is that you can buy houses for your properties

during other people's turns. So if they land on your property and give you cash, you can reinvest that straight away into buying more houses. Oh, we always play you've got to wait for your turn to make any move.

No, no, no. Like any kind of... He said if you read the rules, you are allowed to buy houses and hotels for your property at any stage. Which is, yeah, great because if there are six or five, four other people playing, you can be getting rent. Yeah. Straight away.

Yeah. And he says he'll go out of his way if he's got like the three blues and he wants wants or any of them, he says to get the set you should trade with people to get the set. He's like, people don't in professional circles, they don't do it, but if you're just playing casually at home, you'd even be better to trade them one from the next set up to

ensure that you get that set. It's so much harder to dodge a full set and you earn so much more money off them. Yeah, he's right, isn't he? Yeah. God, I would have never thought about it. Jail always, I mean, feels like a bad thing. It should not be.

He said. But once you've got your properties, why not? Yeah, he said Monopoly should never be a five-hour game. You should play with people who know the rules and know how to keep the game going. I couldn't agree more. Yeah. So, yeah. What version do they play?

The classic version I imagine? Well Or the I've got a queen monopoly Yeah I think they just play Whatever I think when they played In China in 2015 They used a specific set

Right Otherwise you'd be there for hours Based on Hmm? You'd be there for hours Playing if they didn't What do you mean? No no no It was a standard monopoly board But like the place names you'd be there for hours. Based on? Hmm? You'd be there for hours playing if they didn't. What do you mean?

No, no, no. That was a standard Monopoly board, but the place names were named after places. Oh, right. Okay. So they don't play a quicker version. No, no, no. That's what he said.

These games, if you know the rules and you're playing with people who are there to move, it shouldn't be a multiple hour game. Right. It should happen real quick. Like 45 minutes like he said. Yes, next. Your turn. Boom. I'm going to take two houses 45 minutes like he said. Yes, next, your turn. Boom, I'm going to take

two houses and you have, yeah. When they play, they have a dedicated banker. Yeah. Some of his job is to just bank. It's a bit hard though

when grand lands on your property and you've got a, you know, absolutely bank right there. No, I love absolutely mortgaging. Yeah, pillage.

Pilling up the wazoo. Pillage grand. Flip it over, grand. Flip it over. I mean, their generation did buy up all the housing, didn't they? Yeah, exactly.

Now it's my turn. Some of them didn't even buy, they just took it. You. Flip it over. I mean, their generation did buy up all the housing, didn't they? Yeah, exactly. Now it's my turn. Some of them didn't even buy. They just took it. You can let it go. You can throw a party full of everyone you know. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley. Play ZM. From the self-driving ZM think tank, this is the top six.

Hi there. Hi, it's me. This is the Top Six. Hi there. Hi, it's me. It's Vaughn. The government is going to announce steps today to stop gangs hiding assets. You might see every now and then there's a, like the picture in the paper today is a Ferrari on a trailer being towed away,

even though it does say Porsche on the truck. I believe it's a Porsche roadside assistance. Ooh. Ooh la la. I know. I wouldn't have thought there would have been enough Porsches to warrant its own roadside assistance truck. Yeah. This is probably why it's picking up a Ferrari.

Anything over $100,000, it'll come and pick up. That's kind of its bag, baby. Right. But they can obtain those. Now, one of the loopholes, how's this? There's a KiwiSaver loophole for criminals. You may or may not remember a woman called Joanne Harrison. She defrauded the Ministry of Transport for more than $780,000.

She was found guilty and deported back to Britain. So she served less than a sentence here, but then they were just like, get out of here, you scallywag, and deported back to Britain. So she served less than a sentence here, but then they were just like, get out of here, you scallywag, and she went back to Britain. However, she had $110,000 in her KiwiSaver balance. Right, good for her. And they couldn't access it.

Even though she had defrauded, she'd embezzled. Right. But what do you mean? Surely it's just like a phone call. No, but it's like KiwiSaver, you can't. So if she and the criminals. It's untouchable apparently. It'll be changed.

Right, but if the criminals had been putting that into KiwiSaver, they couldn't have touched that. Whereas they could take their Lamborghinis or Porsches. Yes, but the KiwiSaver is there. She also withdrew $23,000 early on grounds of financial hardship. Because I was going to say, if you were the gangs, you don't want to wait until you're 65

to obtain your riches. But you can move overseas and wait two years and take it all out. So if you wanted to retire in Italy... Can you? Yeah, you can. Breaking Bad taught me anything.

Yeah. It's that... Get a car wash? Yeah, it's getting it. You've got to get a cleaning business. It's getting those illegally gotten gains on the books. Yeah. Where did you get this money from? That's it's getting it. You've got to get a cleaning business. It's getting those illegally gotten gains

on the books. Yeah. Where did you get this money from? That's why you keep it in cash. But then you spend too much cash.

Red flags, red flags, red flags. It blows my mind when these drug dealers go out and buy Lamborghinis and Porsche's. And it's just like, what are you like?

Get a Mazda. You know? It's humble. Get a Sensor. Or Corolla. Get a Corolla. Get a nice van. You know, it's humble. Get a sensible Corolla. Get a Corolla. Get a nice van. Sure.

So much room. Fold the seats down. So much room for drugs. Yeah. So much room for drugs. So much room for drugs. Yeah. And if I was a police officer, I wouldn't pull over a Toyota HiAce.

No, but you'd pull over someone that didn't look like they could afford a, you know, a Lamborghini. A Lamborghini. A Lamborghini. A Lamborghini. A Lamborghini. A Lamborghini. A Lamborghini. A Lamborghini.

A Lamborghini. A Lamborghini. A Lamborghini. Yeah. So I've got the top six ways for gangs to save for their retirement. Number six on the list, this is a play right out of my granddad's book. Yeah. You have jars, and each jar is a different coin.

Oh, yeah. So all your 50 cent coins go in one jar, your dollars in another, two dollars in another. That stuff really adds up. It does over time, doesn't it? That stuff really adds up. It does over time, doesn't it? That stuff really adds up. In the hundreds of thousands, you reckon? We just need to buy more jars.

More jars. Don't buy too many jars. Yeah. You can probably get jars from the op shop. Yeah. Or just hopefully they like pickles because those are the good jars. Yeah, good girthy, wide-topped pickle jar because you've got to get your fingers in to get the pickles out.

You don't want a skinny jar. You don't want an olives jar. They're always a long skinny jar. Why are they in a long skinny? Or a posh jam. A posh preserve's always in a long skinny jar. Number five on the list of the top six ways for gangs to save for their retirement. I saw this one courtesy of Pablo Escobar.

Put your money in barrels for their retirement. I saw this one, courtesy of Pablo Escobar. Okay. Put your money in barrels and bury them with treasure maps on how to find it again. Yeah. Just don't take too long to retire because the way urban sprawl's going, someone will dig up. They'll be building foundations.

Yeah. Fletcher's homes will bloody dig up. They'll be doing some earthworks and they'll dig up your blue barrel full of cash. Also, he lost a lot because the money was paper in it. He didn't protect it enough.

He didn't have a properly sealed barrel. Imagine how many hidden caches of cash there are still out there in Colombia. Fun. With the wild hippopotamus that he released. That's right. I think the wild hippopotamus could take you to the cache. They'll smell it out. What a guy.

What an adventure. Number four on the list of the top six ways for gangs to save for their retirement or criminals on hold. Why are things not worth a lot now that will be worth a fortune in the future? List it out. Pokemon cards. Oh, yeah. Get a shiny Charizard.

Get a shiny Charizard and put that thing straight in a card protector. You can save your retirement right there. But can you go straight to the cook, the cook of the drugs, with the cards, the Pokemon cards? Oh, no, I was thinking when you've got the cash from selling the drugs. Yeah. You can convert it into Pokemon cards. Number three on the list, another conversion situation.

I'm of the top six ways for gangs to save their retirement. Jib board. Jib board. Buy up a whole lot, jib board. Jib board. Buy up a whole lot of jib board. I'd happily buy mine from the gangs. If they've got some. If they've got jib board. Just anyone that's got it. Just anyone that's got it. I don't mind if it's

legit or not. You don't mind where it comes from. Or if it was purchased to put a fake wall up full of cash. Number two on the list of the top six ways for gangs to save their retirement, cake stalls. A lot of cake stalls. People aren't going to ask why you've got so much cash. No. Cakes, baby. People love cakes.

There's money in cakes. Yeah. And number one on the list of the top six ways for gangsters to save for their retirement, probably lobby to have drugs legalized. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, they're not going to have a stranglehold on the market, but then the money they are making will be legal money.

And you'll be able to have a nice little KiwiSaver. Yeah. A sweet little, fat little, plump little KiwiSaver. That is today's top six. It's just a bit of the news. Time for just a little bit of the news. Time for just a little bit of the news. We've found a news clip and we need you to tell us what is happening in this news clip to win.

I watched this clip last night. It happened upon my laptop and I giggled a lot. I don't know if that's a clue. It made me laugh a lot. All right, see if you can figure out what's happening. Pakistan has never seen an unbroken cycle of monsoons quite like this. Eight weeks of non-stop torrential rain. A national emergency has been invoked,

has been invoked, but the weather in Pakistan, the extreme weather is alarming. Nita Garchar reports. I can't say anything without giving it away. That doesn't sound funny at all. It sounds horrendous if you say this. Pakistan floods? Yeah, horrible, and that's not what...

It's not the subject that you find funny. It's not the subject. Well, I'm pleased to hear I don't work with monsters. Thank you for clarifying that for me, actually, clearing my name. No, but what happened? Yes, in that moment. In that pause, what happened?

0800-DARLS-IT-M 9696. We want you to tell us. What happened? And a prize for the first person who can tell us. And I think we've come up with quite a good prize. Great prize today. Marvellous. It's just a bit of the news.

Well, that's our segment. Just a little bit of the news. We give you a clip of a news story from around the world. Maybe a part is missing, maybe a part is beeped out, or maybe it's not clear with today's case. What's happening? John joins us. Good morning, John.

Yeah, good morning, Clitch. Good morning. Good John joins us. Good morning, John. Yeah, good morning, Fletch. Good morning. Good morning, John. Good morning, John. Good morning, Hayley, you're here as well. Good morning, John. Morning, guys. Good morning.

I want an individual one, please. Good morning, Hayley. Good morning, Hayley. Thank you. Good morning, John. Not me. How are you, Hayley? I'm really good, John.

How are you? Well, this isn't all about... Did you have a good weekend? Shut up. I'm trying to catch up with you. Oh, fantastic weekend. Oh, yeah, John. How are you? Well, this isn't all about... Did you have a good weekend? Shut up. I'm trying to catch up with you. Oh, fantastic weekend. Oh, yeah, nice. How about yourself?

Oh, it wasn't my favourite weekend, John. Highs and lows, but a lot of fun. Okay, all right. Are you done now? You two done? How's the family? Oh, you look good, actually. Yeah, that's good.

They're at home. They're at home while I'm off to work, so yeah, that's nice. Oh, well, that's nice. They'll be keeping warm, hopefully. Got the heater on. Are you two done? Oh, John, we'll catch up after the show, eh? Absolutely. Alright, John, let's take a listen to this

newsreader. Pakistan has never seen an unbroken cycle of monsoons quite like this. Eight weeks of non-stop torrential rain. A national emergency has been invoked. Has been invoked, has been invoked, but the weather in Pakistan,

extreme weather, is alarming. Obviously, not laughing at the extreme weather in Pakistan, but John, John, what happened? I think she swallowed a fly. Yeah, she did swallow a fly. Yeah, she did. You've got to watch the clip, like, visually if you haven't, listeners,

because, oh, my God, it's so funny. Do you know what? Points for her because she carries on like an absolute professional. She swallows it down and she gets on with it. Just a bit of protein. John, our prize today for just a bit of the news. John, my good friend, and you and the family will be happy about this. We're going to send you a can of fly spray.

Nice. That's good. That's nice. What are you? Black flag? Mortine? What do you want? Yeah, black flag, definitely.

Yeah, black flag. We'll do black flag. Good enough. I have a choice of fly spray if I'm brand allegiant. I think our little machine at the moment is we've got the Mortine range.

Is that a Mortine? The one I've got is a Mortine. The other machine. Oh, we've got so many machines. That Is that a more teen? The one I've got is a more teen. They're the machine. Oh, we've got so many machines. This one's that sneeze at you and you're like, oh my God. Oh, we've got like, I think we've got eight of them throughout the house in summer. I feel like I'm always under the one in the bathroom here at work when it goes off and mists. Oh no, that one's automatic.

So that's based on how badly you stink. Does it know, does it? Yeah, it knows. Great. ZM's Fletchvorn and Hayley. Does it know, does it? Yeah, it knows. Great. A woman was wanting to really get into the sector of gym influencing on TikTok. Okay. And so she wanted to film some of her workout. And for some reason, she went to the gym at 3 a.m.

Oh, because have you ever been at the gym when someone set up a camera and they're doing their workout? Yeah. And you walk in the back of it and you're just like, oh. Yeah, and you're like guts out. Like on your phone, not really working out properly. Or you're just daydreaming and then you look up and you realise it. Storm up to them and be like, you can't record me without my permission.

Delete that. Let me finish my donut in peace. Well, I don't know why she was there. She's in one of these 24-hour gym memberships. Your gym's 24 hours, isn't it? It is, correct. Who goes at like 3 a.m.? I used to go before work. Oh, my God, that's insane.

It's kind of, well, it's good because you get it out of the way. Yeah. It's done for the day. It's the middle of the night. Yeah, I know, but then, yeah. I used to go at 4 a.m. when I ran an investment firm. Because, yeah, like you say, then you've got the whole day just to hit the office and be alert and really on to it. And you're kind of, you know, then you're awake with the American office.

Yeah, exactly. Oh, and you've got to talk to them. You've got to get it done. There's a lot to do. Well, anyway, she's at this gym at 3 a.m. And she thought, this is a great opportunity to film. No one's here, you know, more comfortable to set up the camera. So she sets up the camera

on the floor and it is pointed at the inversion chair. Now we used to own one of these because they are good for your back. But you basically lock your feet in to a device, you put your arms up and it swings you backwards and it can be good for the spine, good for stretching but it's also like you can do sit ups on it

and that's what she was going to do. So wait, so you're hanging upside down and your feet are locked in. Yeah. And then what are you meant to do, just hang there? Well, when we owned one. Or do you crunch up? When we owned one, people would come over to our house and be like, oh, okay.

And we'd be like, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Did they think it was a sex thing? It's called like teeter tables, yeah. Right. So you like put your feet in a little brace thing and you swing upside down and then you can do sit-ups. So you're at a 45 degree, you're not... No, no, no, you can go...

Oh, you can go the whole way. Whole way. Why would anyone come over to your house and think that's a sex thing? Because it's like a big... Anything can be a sex thing if you try hard enough. Yeah, it's like a big, weird sort of swinging chair. Okay, fair point. I get it.

I'll just indicate in studio, it could be like... What are you doing with your hands? Carwin, were you recording that? Yeah, fantastic. That can never see the light of day. I'll sue you all. Vaughn's been wanting to go viral on TikTok his whole life and now finally the moment has come.

No, no, no, no, no. The moment's come. No, no, no. Upload now. Not for that. Not for that. I give you permission to upload that. I'll see you in court.

So she straps in, straps in her feet, and you put your arms up and your body weight takes you, and now she's upside down, so feet pointing directly at the ceiling, head upside down, blood rushing to the head. And then she tries to do the sit-ups, but the machine's not moving. So usually if you counterweight, like if you sit up a bit, it'll move.

Yeah. It's not doing it. Oh, God. 12 minutes later, she's still upside down. Oh, God. In the video, you can see her, she's trying to swing, because if you swing your arms, it's supposed to make it move. It's just not moving anywhere.

And so she doesn't have the abdominal strength. To get up. To get up. To swing it backwards so she can get off. The only way, there's just no way. There's just no way to get out. How did she get out? She's got an Apple Watch.

She dials 911. Because she's at the gym and it's like what, 4 a.m.? It's 3 a.m. and no one's there. She's been upside down for 12 minutes. Wait, and so the whole video is recording even when the people... Yeah, the police come. So then the police arrive

and it's so embarrassing. They grab her by the foot and just sort of like pull her, you know, like, dude, pull her upright. Yeah. There's no like great escape. There's no, the machine's completely broken.

Like she just couldn't get... Oh, that is so embarrassing. Get the swing on to get back up the right way. It's a really embarrassing rescue. And I want more. I want to hear about your embarrassing rescues. If maybe you've been stuck in a wheelie bin and you wedged in. Or maybe you got stuck. Or you went face first into the wheel.

You could always, maybe you couldn't rock that over though. Yeah, see. You always think you could. Because this woman at the gym, you couldn't rock that over, though. Yeah, see... You always think you could. Because this woman at the gym, she couldn't... If she'd stayed like that, the blood would have eventually rushed down and killed her. Killed her. Right? I don't know. Surely not. I don't know how long can you hang upside down. How long can you hang

upside down for? How long? Because if I was stuck somewhere, I'd almost just wait for someone to come. But I hate the feeling, like, when I used to jump on Aaron's one, alone, just alone, on Aaron's chair. I used to like

hate it, because I hate the feeling of blood rushing to my head. So, start hanging them on a, it can be dangerous, even deadly, to hang upside down. Because blood pulls to the head. Okay, well maybe you've been stuck somewhere or you've... Or, you know, those things where there's, like, rails

and you're like, oh, I reckon I'll fit through there. We're talking about your embarrassing rescue missions. Maybe you got stuck somewhere, wedged somewhere, and someone had to come to your rescue, as did a woman who got stuck on an inversion chair. At the gym. At 3am. And all she could do was call 911 on her watch.

I reckon, do you read? There must be some things that go down at 24-hour gyms from like 11 until 4. There'd be some things that happen, right? You could... Because no one's there. You could scrub through the footage and just see when movement starts happening

and then you could really see what people got up to. I think a lot of working out. Oh, definitely a lot of weightlifting. That'd be about it though, right? Yeah, well, you'd hope so. All right, so we want to take your calls, your embarrassing rescues. Ina, what happened?

Good morning, Cain. Good morning. My little daughter was seven at primary school. The teachers weren't there yet, so she thought she sticks her little ring finger through that little loop, which usually holds the door open, the classroom door. Yeah. And she was standing with her back to the door and couldn't get back out. And she

had to be rescued by the fire brigade and ambulance. What is it with kids and we just want to stick our fingers in little gaps? Well, that happens as an adult. I don't know, but it was steel so it couldn't be bent. There was no screw. It had been painted over

many, many times. She stood there with her back with her finger and there for about two hours. Two hours? Yeah. Does she still have her finger? Absolutely. They couldn't figure out how to do it

because they had to literally flex her off the door first, then bolt her finger to a bench, and then flex it off on one side, and obviously it got really, really hot, so they had to stop in between giving her laughing gas while I was basically standing in front of her, holding her up because she fell asleep. Oh, my God, that's so flawed.

What a whole thing. What a whole thing. I was sticking my fingers in there. Just laughing, Gass. I wasn't expecting the fire brigade to be involved. I thought this was a janitorial task at best. Ria, when were you rescued? Your embarrassing rescue.

I was on my first ever work trip. Yeah. And we were on a fishing trip with all boys. Yep. And I got stuck in the toilet. On the boat? On the boat. What do you mean I got stuck in the toilet. On the boat? On the boat. What do you mean you got stuck in the toilet?

Like the door wouldn't open? I couldn't open the door. So I tried and tried and tried, and I was like, I'm going to have to yell. I'm going to have to scream for help. Oh, it is shame, yelling for the toilet. It was so embarrassing. Oh, how did they get you out?

Apparently they just opened the door. Apparently I'm a see it. It's worse when you call for a rescue mission and they're like, there you go. So much worse. I'm now known as Toilet Smith. Toilet Smith. That's a pretty great nickname though. If anything good came out of this, it's that great nickname.

Ria, thank you. Tanya, what was your embarrassing? No, call her by her real name. Sorry. Thank you, Toilet Smith. Thank you, Toilet Smith. Tanya, what was your embarrassing... No, call her by her real name. Sorry. Thank you, Toilet Smooth. Thank you, Toilet Smooth. Tanya, good morning. What was your embarrassing rescue?

So, good morning, everyone. Well, my embarrassing rescue was I was trying to do a bit of DIY, building a retaining wall at the back of my bank. And I slipped down the bank and ended up at the back of the retaining wall. It had broken my leg. So I rang my kids first, my adult kids, and they said, oh, mum, you're so stupid, ring 111. So I rang 111.

Oh, my God, you raised these children. And they're like, oh, you stupid old woman. Oh, I know, I know. If you were my mum, I would have been around there lickety split. No, but who's closer? The ambulance or the fire or your kids? My daughter lives in the next street over, so I think you'd have to say my young adult daughter.

Okay, yeah, she's in the bad blood. What's her name? Name and shame her. No, no, I won't do that. Tanya, name her. You're lying. Her name's Ellie. Shame on you, Ellie.

Yeah, so she said, oh, you're so stupid, Mum. Ring 111. So I rang 111. And did they say, oh, you're so stupid, Tanya. Ring your kids. No. Well, I wasn't very good at judging the distance, and I said I'd fallen 300 metres down the back.

Oh, my God. No, Tanya. I can see why Ali didn't want anything to do with you. You're a hot mess. 300 metres. So it gets worse. So I hear all these sirens, and the ambulances turn up, and they find me at the back of my property and they say to me,

oh, hold on, we just need to cancel the fire engines and the rescue helicopter. Because it turned out it was about three metres down the back. You dickhead. If you'll excuse the use, Tanya, you're a dickhead. Oh, no, no, no. The story gets even worse. How does it get worse?

It gets worse because I was bleeding from the top of my head and the ambulance guy said, oh, did you hit your head? And I said, no, no, no. That's when I shot myself in the head with the nail gun about an hour ago. Oh,

what is wrong with that? If did that happen? Oh, well, I was trying to trying to shoot the nail gun straight and I had my head there and... Tanya, stop, stop! This retaining wall doesn't sound like it's ticking

any of the boxes that retaining walls need to take. You've got... Somehow, I've been recently used, learnt to use an L gun. Shooting yourself in the head with it would be a task and a half. No. Well... Sometimes you've got to know when to call the tradies. Well, building the retaining wall

was a task and a half, and the funny thing is the ambulance officer said to me, he goes, did you not think to stop when you shot yourself in the head with the nail gun? And I said, no, no, no, I'd only hide it for the day. I needed to finish. Oh, Tanya. Oh, Tanya. Sweet, Tanya.

Sweet, Tanya. Did you get the retaining wall done? Is it all done now? Yeah, the retaining wall's all done. But, yeah, I had to go to hospital, get a few stitches, get my leg in a cast. And I haven't really lived it down. And every time I look at my bank, I now go,

oh, it's only three metres, not 300. Yeah, really. Well, you know what? You'd shot yourself in the head. I'd imagine your ability to work out distance was know what, you'd shot yourself in the head. I'd imagine your, you know, ability to work out distance was somewhat compromised by the nail you had in your head.

Yeah, yeah. No, I pulled the nail out. That's why it was bleeding. Yeah, I'd like to apologise to Ali, your daughter, who I previously slandered. I can see why she wanted nothing to do with this

entire situation. Play. ZM's Fletchvorn and Hayley. We're joined in studio by CTI. situation. We're joined in studio by CTI. As they call it in the industry. Celebrity Treasure Islands Guy Montgomery. Good morning. Hi Yvonne. I miss the days when, I don't know,

I was not purely defined by being a part of Celebrity Treasure Islands. Celebrity Treasure Islands Guy Montgomery like he's done nothing else. I'm my parents' Guy Montgomery. Yeah. Mr. and Mrs. Montgomery's Guy Montgomery. That's nice.

Is that better? Well, that just covers a much wider chunk of my life. Right. Okay, rather than a few weeks earlier in the year. Yeah, yeah. I would regard the Celebrity Treasure Island experience all encompassing as it might at the time, to be more of a cameo in my life. Absolutely. Than my role as son of mum and dad.

I will not rest until people refer to you as Celebrity Treasure Island's Guy Montgomery. Do you know Guy Montgomery? Is that the Celebrity Treasure Island guy? No, no, no. This is a grave fear of mine. All of your best work. We saw your one hour stand up last year.

Some of the best I've seen. I worked really hard on that. You and Tim Batt's podcast was just like internationally renowned. You watched Celebrity Treasure Island. Celebrity Treasure Island's Guy Montgomery. Once it gets his Celebrity Treasure Island tentacles around you, it's very difficult to get out.

How did you like the experience? Honestly, I really loved it. Because you'll be remembered forever forever. Because it's birching my standing in the eyes of Vaughan Smith. It's a very unusual thing and

how often in life as an adult do you just get to sort of up sticks and abandon all of your responsibilities and your phone and go and live on the beach with a bunch of strangers with vaguely familiar faces and play like games with large scale props that are designed by professionals?

Because for me, when I watch it and I think about the idea of being on it, I haven't been asked. And I'm not mad about it. I'm not like Jason Gunn, I'm not all cut up about it. But it makes me feel anxious. What makes you feel anxious about it? The competitiveness and the little groups forming

and the alliances and the fear of me not being cool. There's a real schoolyard quality to it. Yeah, I hate that. I love watching other people's drama unfold and like crying and stuff. I don't want to be the person doing it. But it's intriguing because it's one of the few reality shows, and I think this is a huge part of why it's so appealing,

that has a good heart. Like it's a positive show. It's portrayed and they're not looking to bring out the worst in people. Incidentally, you know, some people are going to be put in compromising positions. But at the centre of it is, you know, it's a good feeling. It's a genuinely family viewing show. Yes.

And I'm not saying this is some company puppet. I truly believe this. Celebrity Treasure Island's going on, going on really toe in the line. Because what other reality shows can you take part in where you don't have to, you know, you can still be made to look like a dick or whatever, but can you genuinely not worry that you're going to be portrayed

to look like a, you know, a monster. An evil person beyond the world of the show. And I think as well because it's celebrities competing not for themselves. Like that thing of, you know, a lot of competition shows

it's your everyday person and they've got a million dollars on the line. Whereas like, you're there in a kind of more of a selfless capacity fighting for charity.

And yeah, because New Zealand celebrities are very wealthy, so we don't need to worry about it. We don't need to worry about it. Were there any, going into the show, any celebrities you were excited to meet? Like, had you met Susan Devoy, Dame Susan Devoy? Dame Susie D, as we call her in the world of the show.

I'd not met Dame Susan Devoy, but I, you know, I was in awe. I was actually, most Starstrike, but I, you know, I was in awe. I was actually most starstruck. He had a familiar face, but I couldn't place him, which is probably New Zealand's articulation of everyone on the show. Yeah. But when I realised Dylan Schmidt, who was the Olympian, he won the bronze medal. I watched, like in Tokyo, I watched that live.

I watched basically the whole Olympics. And when I realised that that was the guy I'd watched win a bronze medal. Like, you know, that's the pinnacle of human physical achievement. And then I was like, wow, man, that's so cool. And also when I was a boy, I went and saw Rush Hour in the cinemas and then I wanted to learn how to do like Jackie Chan moves. And so I couldn't do that, but I learned how to like, I could do a running front flip.

But I could never do a back flip. I think flips are so cool. Yeah. And he can just do flips all the time. He's a flipper. Yeah. So as an adult, I was impressed. And as a teen, I was also impressed.

Yeah. Wow. What was your charity? Auckland City Mission. A great charity. Yeah. Auckland City Mission does have a flash new building. Wow.

That was thanks to Guy Montgomery. Thanks to Celebrity Treasure Islands. Guy Montgomery. You picked it first, Vaughn. You've heard it here first. I think they built that hoping you would win. I hope you win for them, otherwise they're going to be stuck with a huge mortgage. All right.

We can catch it tonight and episodes every Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday, 7.30 on TV and Z2. Guy Montgomery, thank you so much for coming out. That's Celebrity Treasure Island's Guy Montgomery. That's right. And I'll be seeing you on the island. It's going to be a lot of fun Play ZM's Fletch Vaughn and Hayley. Do the love

language at the weekend Everybody's talking about love languages aren't they? Everybody's all about oh did I lose it? Why has it taken off again recently because of TikTok? I guess so, yeah It's like how you give and receive love. Yeah and the main ones, you're either about the gifts.

Gift receiving. Physical touch. Yep. Acts of service. It's receiving gifts, quality time. Quality time, that's it. Physical touch, acts of service, or words of affirmation. Mine's quality time.

What are you again? Words of affirmation? Mine's quality time. What are you again? Words of affirmation and physical touch. That's right. Last week, you can see on our Instagram actually that the boys tried to give me some words of affirmation. It didn't go that way. No. And what's your one for?

Well, mine's quality time. Yeah. But equally acts of service. So it's like spending time together doing some jobs, doing chores, doing tasks together. That's my, I love that. Yeah. I love it.

Do you know what? There's got to be something in it, eh? Like I did this, I came home on Saturday and Aaron and my brother-in-law were ripping up the deck and I could have gone inside but I said, do you want a hand? And he was like, oh my God, yes, please. Yeah.

And they didn't need a hand. He just loved that I was lifting up wood and putting it on a pile. Yeah. You know? It's really, it's hard. He just, he just bloody loved it. Yeah, right. We moved a stack of decking timber.

And Shado was like, I'll come give you a hand. And I was like, okay. And then we just talked. It really got you going, didn't it? It's nice. It's nice because your hands are busy, so you can't be on your phone. You're just chatting.

Not what I thought you were going to say. And you're just having a good old time. So anyway, we were in the car, and we did the fivelovelanguages.com love language test. Okay. Because Sade's like, I don't 100% know what mine is. What would hers be? Well, I said gifts. Because Sade's like, I don't 100% know what mine is. What would hers be? Gifts.

Well, I said gifts. Because she loves it. Gifts. That's a trash one. Because if I know if Sade's gone away like for a weekend or whatever,

I say to the girls, when she comes home, let's have the house immaculate. And she loves that. It is going to mean more to her than anything we could do. Yeah. If she comes home

and she'll notice the minute she walks in the door and she always does, she goes, clean house? Like that. So there's a fair bit of acts of service. But I thought it was also receiving gifts

because she loves... Anine Bing hoodies. She loves gifts. I would never, ever, ever buy one of those hoodies. That's what, that's the sixth unspoken love language. Anine Bing.

When your husband turns a blind eye to your ridiculous purchases. Although I can't do it. So that's why it'spoken love language. I mean, bang. When your husband turns a blind eye to your ridiculous purchases. Although I can't do it. So that's why it's not a love language. So we started doing the questions. And every time there was a question that was like, would you prefer alone time with your partner or a little gift? She'd be like, alone time with a partner.

And the kids were in the back being like, whatever. A little gift. A little gift. with a partner and the kids were in the back be like what whatever little gifts um would you your um partner to say to look at you in the eye and say i love you or then bring you a little treat home if they've been away with work and she's like i love you and the kids were just like i love that they were calling her out. Absolutely, she got called out. But in the end, her love language was words of affirmation. Oh, okay.

Words of affirmation with a very close second acts of service. Right. So not even gifts at all. She likes to be told. Which makes sense because we were going out... What's the time? Is she in the car? No, not yet.

We're here, but Indy's going to camp today though I know the schedule's all hold on she's missing wait a minute just let me check

I know she's out of the car at the school hall meeting good quick let's rip in we were going out oh sorry we were going out

and she was getting ready I was already ready because as once Miss States it takes me five minutes to get ready so I only need to start getting ready. I was already ready because as Winsmith states, it takes me five minutes to get ready. So I only need to start getting ready 10 minutes before we're due to leave. But she'd been getting ready for a while. And she walked into the lounge as I was engaged in watching something on television. And she stood in the doorway.

And August, my youngest daughter, said, you look nice, mum. And the minute she said that, I was like, she's beaten me to it. And now whatever I say means nothing. So I didn't say anything. Yeah. And then. Oh, no, that was the wrong path to take there, Vaughan. I thought I was going to give it a cooling period.

I was going to give it a cooling period of maybe when we were walking out to the car. So you look so stunning. I'd say, man, you do look lovely. You look nice. No, you should have said that straight away. No, it doesn't. It makes it look like I only said it because August reminded me to say it, but I wasn't looking when she walked into the doorway.

So then that got thrown in my face on the walk to the car moments before I was about to say she looks nice. She looks at August and says, well, thank you, August. At least someone thinks I look nice. Oh, classic. So you can't win. But then that falls under words of affirmation. Yes. You look nice. I love you. Classic. So you can't win. But then that falls under words of affirmation.

Yes. You look nice. I love you. I appreciate you. Yeah. Thank you very much for that. You can just get one of those, you know, you get those little pre-recorded buttons that spurt out things.

Those for dogs? I don't know. Yeah, whatever. And so you can just press it and it says, you look lovely. I could record them all so she could just get what she wanted from me. Yeah, she just presses it. It's not the same. No, it's not the same. You can't push a dog button for words of affirmation.

The dog, Matt. I'll re-record over. Haines, you're actually giving this to you. Food, food, food. Thank you very much for dinner. It was delicious. You look lovely tonight. Outside, outside.

Do you ever get a little bit tired of life? You look lovely tonight. Yeah. Outside. Outside. This is actually quite fascinating to me. So they did a study on kissing and how people tend to kiss. You just did it. You just did it. Go in for a smooch. on kissing and how people tend to kiss. Oi! You just did it! You just did it. Go in for a smooch. Ooh, yuck! Wow.

Oh no, that's not it. Alright, have a great day, Sade. No, imagine that you're going in to kiss Hayley, like you're three meters apart. But just imagine that's your wife. Oh, is it so unfathomable to you that anyone would want to kiss me? It hasn't happened before. I work with people, they fall in love with me,

it makes it an untenable working relationship. That's why we've lasted so long is we haven't fallen in love. Oh, my God, the sexual tension's insane. Literally, the other day, and they will remain nameless, said to me, how do you work with Vaughn Smith and not fall in love with him? I was like. I tell you.

I didn't mean to do that laugh. I tell you. It happens. You're a handsome boy, but absolutely not for me. I'm sorry. You're too short. What? And weak.

You're a weakie. I'm 6. You're too short. What? And weak. You're a weakie. I'm 6'2". You made him sound like I was a 5'7". You're a petite little boy. I'm a petite little man. You like your men bigger. I like them huge. So, okay, just imagine you're going in to kiss.

There you go. He's done it. I went tongue out. Is that it? No, it's not it. It's the head tilt. It's the head tilt to the right. Oh, who goes left? Yeah, it's not it. No, it's the head tilt. It's the head tilt to the right. Oh, who goes left?

Yeah. No one goes left. But no, but to left-handed people, you're left-handed. I'm left-handed. No, I go right. Go right. Go right. Anyway, so the way that they did this is they went, they got,

they used, used? They got a number of people from Bangladesh and they said. Well, what have they going to have to deal with? Because they were a perfect case study for examining the most natural way to kiss in that they were barred from viewing kissing on TV or film. So it wasn't going to be influenced by films or societal factors. Bangladesh was that conservative? Yeah, yeah.

They remove a lot of like... No smirching on the telly? Sexy stuff. So remove a lot of like sexy stuff. So what happens in rom-coms at the end when they finally... Literally, I've watched one before. They just cut. Oh. When I was in Oman, I'd be watching a movie and then it would just cut and then it would jump to another scene.

And they'd be married? What happened? What happened? And they just cut any kind of like physical touchy-washy between non-married characters. Anyway, so they found that two-thirds of people, so a third of people were going to the left, whether they initiated or received,

tilted their heads to the right. Then it came down to even the fact that this is something that is seen in early development. Even in the womb, the babies, we as little humans, always tilting our head to the right. It's the natural way to tilt your head. It does feel weird tilting the head to the left. But it's like, thank God the majority of people are doing this

because if you're ever with a lefty, and I have done this before, and I just don't even want to think about this kiss because it's so bad. Okay, I was a teenager, by the way, and I was in Reading Cinemas. What? $10 movies. Watching a movie and went in, you know, had a little, we went in for a pash. Yeah. He was a lefty and I'm a righty.

So then you did a weird both going at the same time and I chipped my teeth. And to this day, the front of this is fake. Did you fill out an ACC form? Was that an ACC form? No, I was a teenager. I didn't know what ACC was. Okay. ACC was my mum and dad fixing it.

When they were like, how did you chip your tooth? I was like, I have no idea. Oh, so they didn't know it was the smooch in her tooth. Yeah. What did you settle on? A hungry muncher. Munched it off. A minty or something.

Because I lost a filling to a minty. A minty. Minty's a criminal. Yeah. What did you settle on? A hungry muncher. Munched it off. A minty or something. Because I lost a filling to a minty. A minty. Minty's a criminal. Yeah. So I want to know, I want to talk about kissing. Bad kissing. Bad kissing. The kind of kissing that makes you,

when you think about it. Because it's so embarrassing. Maybe you've chipped a tooth kissing. Like Hayley, maybe you had an injury kissing. Maybe you've had an injury or maybe it was just too much of one thing and not enough of another. Maybe you kissed them and then you realised that you had part of their lunch in you. Yeah.

In your mouth. Exchange a chewing gum. A little bit of teriyaki chicken from their sushi. Where was it caught? Don't know. It must have been in the back. It must have been in the back of the throat That would make you

Yeah Maybe they sneezed in your mouth It's the worst kiss Oh I do love I haven't done it for ages actually I might try this next time I get a little smooch from my wife Where you go?

Next time Is this happening in the next week or something? Well I don't know We'll see how the schedules look out Okay yeah Where you seal mouths And then you go Oh Well, I don't know. We'll see how the schedules look out. Okay, yeah. Where you seal mouths and then you go, Oh my God, I do that, I do that. And it fills up their mouth and you hear them go,

I did that to Aaron. He'll be like, give me a kiss. And I'll go, yeah, and I go. And they go, They make a weird like snoring frog noise. All right, because they're forcing air through their vocal cords. Okay, talking about kissing injuries or kissing, the worst kissing experiences you've had.

Bad, bad kisses. A study finds that we all tilt to the right. I just remember my first pash when I was a teen. He had a tongue piercing. I remember it rattling around and I was like, what's happening here? Oh, a tap in the teeth. Because you know when you're teenagers it's just like... Yeah, it was

rattling against my teeth. First real... I've got quite expensive teeth as well. Real rockin' pash fest. No braces involved, but man, under my teeth on the gums the next day, aching. You know a pash is bad when your gums ache. Why did your gums ache?

I still to this day I don't know, but just when you said tongue piercing, it took me back to the sore gums. Yeah. Right. A pash rash. Anonymous, what happened? What was his worst kiss experience? It wasn't me. It was a friend of mine.

And she was kissing a guy started having an anaphylactic allergic reaction and turns out that he had had peanut butter earlier in the day. I thought she might have been making out with a shellfish. I've always

tongue in a pippy. I've never even thought about that. Like you meet up with someone and they've just been to a Thai B.Y. I've never even thought about that. Like, you meet up with someone and they've just been to a Thai B.O.A.O. and had the satay, the chicken satay skewers, and then maybe they had the peanuts sprinkled on top of the pad thais. So what did they do? Did they have a pen?

They had to go to the hospital. Oh, my God. How embarrassing. Because what's the moment you ask when it's all getting hot and heavy and then you think, oh, my gosh, we're going to have a kiss? Just wait one moment. Have you eaten shellfish or peanuts? Have you eaten peanuts within the last 24 hours? Because what's the moment you ask when it's all getting hot and heavy and then you think, oh my gosh, we're going to have a kiss? Just wait one moment. Have you eaten shellfish or peanuts? Have you eaten peanuts within the last 24 hours?

Well, the funny thing was that they were at a party beforehand and he'd overheard her talking about the fact that she was allergic to peanuts. So he'd gone and scrubbed his teeth. But it still wasn't enough. It was on the tongue. He netted a tongue scrape. So she's very allergic. Very allergic. Amazing. Anonymous, thank tongue. He knitted a tongue scrape. So she's very allergic. Yeah.

Very allergic. Amazing. Anonymous, thank you. Another anonymous caller. Good morning. What was the worst kiss experience? Basically, I was at a party and I was about 16 and I was with this guy and we both had a few too many drinks. Yeah.

And then we went in for a little pash and basically he burped and a little bit of vomit came up and went into my mouth. Far out. Far out. No, no, no, no, no. I tasted his vomit and I projectile vomited all back over him. Like a movie or something. Pretty much. You don't come back from that, do you?

No. Nope, never saw him again. Blocked him on everything. Oh, my God. I mean, he started that. Yeah you? No. Nope, never saw him again. Blocked him on everything. Oh, my God. I mean, he started that. Yeah, he did. It's his fault. It's his fault.

A little burp in your mouth. That's the pits. Being a teenager is the worst. I have reached 40 years of age without ever having anybody else burp in my mouth. Same. Congrats. Thank God. Same.

Just wait a minute. That wasn't believable at all. Because you guys had both said that and I felt like I didn't need to say it. You don't have to lie. If you've got a story you'd like to share about something burping in your mouth. No, definitely not. It was lacking conviction, wasn't it? It really was.

We were like, same, same. I mean, amongst the... No, I know. Statistically, amongst the thousands of lovers you've taken. Someone must have been a little burpy. I mean, statistically, you've seen and had it all at this stage. So message is in. Amy said it would have to be the time Pash Rash literally took the skin off my chin.

It looked like I had a burn. I had to tell my parents it was carpet burn. But how would you carpet burn your chin? Not getting your hands out in time. Yeah, it could be a lot worse. That just makes it look like you've been doing something else. I know, it was like 10 times worse than a pash. Somebody said I dethroned the hot guy at school.

Let me explain dethroned. Dethroned. The hottest guy in our year wanted me to be his first kiss. So I of course obliged. This is the hottest guy in the year. So he hadn't kissed anybody. We had a little smooch. He grabbed me by the

elbows and proceeded to jab his tongue in and out of my mouth. Horrible experience. Told a few people. He's so aggressive. Well, maybe he thought, yeah. Told a few people and he got the new nickname, elbows. Elbows.

Oh, no. For the rest of school, he was elbows. It's hard because a lot of the time you don't know what to do with your hands, do you? When you first go in. Do you put them behind your back or? Do you grab something else to add to the experience oh ha um i was dating a guy for two years and we're opposites he's a i'm a righty he's a lefty when we kissed he used to duck pout and pick which confused me um and he used to have a nose piercing too and he was always worried that we'd get hooked.

Oh, because I had a piercing so that was always why. That covered the nose piercing and allowed for a... Your whole life you've got a kiss like that. A little bit smoochy. Oh. I had to explain to my high school boyfriend, we were dating for a while and we decided to have our first kiss. Good to see some people are waiting. Yeah.

And he approached my mouth like a child approaches a soft drink bottle. You know how kids put their whole mouth over the soft drink bottle and put it in? And that causes so much backwash. Because they don't half seal so they can cut themselves off. But was he trying to make a seal around their mouth? Yes. So he sort of sucked in her whole mouth. He would go like a roper fish.

Because he could use CPR and make a seal. Because you do have to cover the whole mouth. You do have to cover the mouth, don't you? And then underneath my mouth was shut and he'd go poke, poke, poke with the tongue. And you can't do anything. You're just like, oh, oh, oh. Really had to explain that entire situation

to him. Oh, good lord. How do you teach kissing? Well, if you're a girl, you figure it out together. Figure it out with your pals. Yeah. You can't tell me. So you're saying more guy friends should just like practice on each other.

We all have a little practice together for the real deal. Okay. It's certainly going to weed out that whole... Groper situation. Or a pokey tongue situation. You've got to have a little consensual practice. Somebody said, I've had terrible pass rash from every single guy I've kissed.

The only one that didn't was my husband, so I knew that that was a good sign. Good sign to get married. You need to go with someone with a beard. Because the beard is the softer, it's the stubble that gives you hash rash. Or can you just lay down like a tea towel with a hole

in it? Like a tindall tap. For a smooch each night. Yeah. Kisses time. Lay out the... Kisses time. Lay out like a latex, like a muffin tray. Maybe cut a hole in the muffin tray. Get a muffin tray. Yes.

Cut out one of the muffins. A silicon. A silicon, that's what it was, not latex. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yes. And then pop that over the mouth and then you kiss through the muffin tray. And it'll smell like muffins. It probably will.

It'll smell like beautiful blueberry muffin. Yes. There's probably a bit of residual butter grease on there still too. Oh, yum. That's a Good tip for the new players there. For you to kissing. In fact, if you need to learn to kiss, grab a muffin tray. Take it to your room and squeeze

it. Hollow out a little bit. No, no, no. I reckon just squeeze it shut. The bottom end. And then kiss it like this. Now if your tongue touches the bottom, your tongue's in too deep. That's a good way to realise if your tongue touches the bottom, your tongue's in too deep. Too much. That's a good way to realise that the tongue's there. Roll the tongue around the muffin tray. Yeah.

Now, when the muffin tray goes back to the kitchen, give it a wash. Dry it and put it back in the drawer. No one's going to know. If you're a parent and you notice the muffin tray's back on top of the stuff in that drawer when you're a new one, don't ask any questions. You've just got a curious teenager. And if you're a teenager, this is an unspoken contract now. If you are listening with your parents or you, you know,

this is just an agreement we're going to have. There's no questions regarding the muffin tray. Okay, so we don't talk about the muffin tray. The silicon, don't try with an aluminium or a steel muffin tray. That's not going to work. Get yourself a nice silicon muffin tray. Make out with it. If you've got a little mouth,

maybe one of those little cupcake ones. Yeah, the patitis. The patitis. Otherwise, get yourself a nice deep muffin tray. Nice. Fold it so you can,

and you know what I'm talking about. Yeah, like squeeze it into a sort of a mouth. Yep, and again, if you're hitting the bottom, too much tongue. I would say, just from your example there, Vaughan, you're doing too much.

Am I, though? You're doing too, too much. Play. ZDM's Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley. Fact of the day is about leeches Yuck Amazing little creatures though We don't have them in New Zealand though

Like in the swamps and stuff Yeah I've never seen a leech I thought they were on Stand By Me and that movie And in America and that's it the swamps and stuff. Yeah. I've never seen a leech. I thought they were on Stand By Me and that movie and in America and that's it. Leeches are common in New Zealand, especially in weedy streams. Native New Zealand leeches don't feed on people

but prey on other stream invertebrates. Their bodies are very flexible and they move like caterpillars. So that's why we don't have situations like in America where you go in a swamp and then you have these bloody leeches. I've seen someone come out of a, it was actually a golf course pond with a leech on them though. So maybe we've got native and we've got invasive leeches. But it was on them, but was it sucking their blood?

Yeah, it was attached to them. Because they use them in medicine, don't they? Yeah, yeah, they do. Yeah. They do. And in Victorian era Britain, there were 42 million leeches a year being used for bloodletting purposes. If I played rugby.

Yeah. Unstoppable. If I played rugby. Wait, what position would you be? I'm not fast enough to be in the back line. I'm not strong enough to be in the forwards. And you're not tall enough to be a lock. No.

You're not big enough to be a loose forward. Yeah, not with quads like those. I think you'd be on drinks, Han. Yeah, I probably would be. That's fine. I could be on the coaching staff. Yeah. I'd be okay with that.

You're on the Power Raids and the Mandarins. Yeah, yeah. Some motivational halftime chat. Yeah. Okay, so that's what I'm playing. But my ears wouldn't be crushed and smashed. Yeah. If I played one of those positions where they crush and smash your ears,

I reckon I'd leech. Yeah. You'd leech. It works where they crush and smash your ears, I reckon I'd leech. Yeah. You'd leech. It works. At the end of these games, there was a leech. They were popping a leech on the ear. And yeah, it sucks all the blood out of there that's getting all coagulated and smushed and apparently it worked quite well on cauliflower ears.

Does it work for bags under your eyes? Tired bags under your eyes? I don't know if you want to be putting a leech near your eyeball. You probably get little scars on little bites. Because they do bite, right? They bite, they attach and they... You have a little hickey on there. A little hickey's under your eyes. It's like people that get those suction cups.

You know that? Oh, I've had them. Yeah, cupping. So, today's fact today about these leeches is that a leech only needs to be fed once every five years If kept refrigerated Fed with blood Yeah

Wait, so you could feed a leech blood Put it in an old marmite jar And put it in your fridge It would need air I'd run a tube I'd run a tube into the fridge May just punch some holes Yep

You open your fridge enough that there'd be fresh air in it Yeah, I do If you were going away For three or four weeks You might want to Run a tube Run a tube Run a tube

Put some air Run a tube But then what am I doing With this leech Just putting it on my leg When I have a sore leg Yeah Oh thanks

Do you reckon this will help My nerve pain That's been around for nine months I would give it a blast A little leech You can buy Lab growing leeches Although you could also start a new kind of coronavirus,

something that jumps from a, you know, a syphilis. What was that other virus? Somebody was talking about a virus the other day. There's another one, eh? Yeah. There's one out of India, which is, I forget what they've called it. Tomato. Tomato flu.

Yeah. Tomato flu. And it looks like a splattered tomato on your hand. Yeah. Yeah. That's how it sorts itself out. Yeah. But again, yeah, I mean, you might as well.

Don't, you know what, don't let a possible pandemic hold you back. Yeah. No. Sure. Some guy in the Wuhan markets was like, yeah, I'll eat a pangolin that's been stored under a bat in the dark. What could possibly go wrong here? And look what's gone wrong.

Everything's gone wrong. So today's fact of the day is a leech only needs to feed once every five years if kept at four degrees. Fact of the day, day, day, day, day. Yeah. We've been doing all this late night talking. Play ZM's Fletch Vaughan and Hayley. Play ZM. Next on the show, Monday Maestros.

It's a brand new segment. We were set homework on Friday. Listener suggestions were received and producer Anna said our homework. We had to learn 15 seconds of My Heart Will Go On, the hit Celine Dion song from the movie Titanic. That's the correct pronunciation. Quick question.

Are we doing Baroque fingering or German fingering? I was going to go Baroque. You were going to go traditional Baroque fingering. I don't know what. I'm just doing. Are you going German? I was going to go Germanoque. You were going to go traditional Baroque fingering. I don't know what, I'm just doing, Are you going German? I was going to go German. Just doing New Zealand.

No, no, no, no, you've made it too hard for yourself. I'm doing New Zealand European fingering. Are you? Because we have, Terrible, terrible, terrible.

Excuse me, your holes are all twisted. You don't even have your recorder liner. I haven't aligned my recorder holes. We will next. Align your holes before you begin fingering.

Next on the show, we will each give you 15 seconds of My Heart Will Go On on the recorder. Only one of us can win. Oh, these are the most horrible instruments in the world. You're just playing it horribly. It's a beautiful instrument. You need to put some more hours in. You're the recorder it horribly. It's a beautiful instrument. You need to put some more hours in. You're the recorder's mum.

Nothing wrong with it. 10,000 hours makes a maestro. I mean, if you can use 10,000 hours to master an instrument, choose a better instrument. Fletchvorn and Hayley's Monday Maestros. I don't know if we'll have any listeners left after this. Stay with us. I'd be surprised. That's have any listeners left after this. Stay with us. I'd be surprised.

That's why I've been slowly clearing them out all morning. We couldn't handle a massive drop off, so it's been a slow decline. This instrument is the worst instrument in the world. Monday Maestros, we have the weekend to master something. We asked you for your suggestions. What would you like us to master? This was probably the number one, wasn't it, for the first weekend?

Yeah, an overwhelming amount of people wanted you to do this. Well then, we've got to give the people what they want. This terrible instrument. Hey, give it its dues. It's the first instrument lots of us learn. We will have to... It's Vaughan.

Vaughan. Now, we have. Vaughan. Vaughan. Now, we have 15 seconds to play any part we like from the Titanic song, the Titanic song from Selendion, My Heart Will Go On. It's Titanic. So you could do that first bit, whatever you've been practicing over the weekend, or you could do a bit in the middle. Man, boy, oh, boy, oh boy, God, did I practise.

You forgot, eh? You talked up a big game because you own, as a musician, you own a performer. An Alto recorder. A $200 recorder. It's big and it's low and I was like,

you guys are going down. Next minute, it's Monday morning, I turn up and I see Fletcher's recorder so I will be doing an entirely improvised performance. But if you saw Fletch's recorder, that indicates Fletch didn't even take his home. No, it was still in his bag. I know, it was unpacking my bag. Ah, right.

It was in his bag. And as you'll hear, I have been practising all weekend. Alright, Fletch, do you want to start? Who's first? Now, you'll be the judge, Producer Anna. Yep, I'm excited. Okay, what's your background in music? Extensive. I don't think we, what's your background in music? Extensive. I don't think we have time to run through it all.

Did you do A and B or Suzuki Method? Yeah, A and B. What does that mean? That sounds like a motorcycle. Yeah, Australian Music Examination Board. The North Shore of Auckland schools love a marimba. Certainly did. You did marimba.

I did do the marimba. Are you more a Baroque period or a classical or a romantic? I can sort of do all three, but I do prefer the classic. You tickle the eyebrows, do you? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Composer of choice? Bob. Smith.

Bob Smith. Ah, Bob Smith. Bob Smith, beautiful. Known for his concertos. From the 1400s, wasn't he? Bob Smith. You might remember his work. That bloody Mozart had run for his money, didn't he, old Bob Smith?

Who's going first? Fletch, I think you should go first. I agree. Turn down the background music, please. Am I allowed some warm-ups? No, you have 15 seconds. You should have had

a warm-up over the break, over the song I just played. Can you not look? You two are staring intensely at me. Because I want to receive your talent. I want to receive your music. Can you not look directly? Can you shut your eyes, please? I want to receive your talent. I want to receive your music.

Can you not look directly? Can you shut your eyes, please? But it's going to be weird if I stare at Vaughn while you play. No, just shut your eyes. It's the Bob Smith audience attention factor. Yeah, just shut your eyes for my performance. Okay. Ready?

Your time starts. So Vaughn wasn't shutting. Okay, ready? Your time starts now. It's quite good. I mean, you haven't even made it sound like it's not on recording. If the audio quality wasn't so different, we would know that you're absolutely playing. Keep your eyes shut.

It's not even touching you. You're talking while you're playing. It doesn't make any sense Thank you That was BS Vaughn Vaughn is up next Alright, what part do I

What part do I put to the microphone? This whistly bit Oh my god No, it comes out the bottom The bottom Oh, this hole This hole Yeah, that's enough

Like, we don't need too much Oh no, I just wanted to get it rightly lined up for this amazing performance. Okay. Your 15 seconds, Vaughn, starts. Hold on, wait a minute. It'll start when it starts. This is good. What did you snort for?

Because I'm actually... Oh, yes, I'm waving my adoring crowd. It's me, Vaughn Smith. Bob Smith. Great, great, great, great, great, great grandson. You have a standing ovation from the ZM office. Oh, my God. Wow. You were the one most resistant to this because the moment we pitched the idea of homework over the weekend.

I immediately said there is no way when I leave here on Friday, I don't think about work until Monday. That's my rule. Yeah. Okay. Well, now. An improvised. She's got a music degree. No, I don't.

I have an acting degree, but I have. Where did you get music? I'm a grade A classical pianist. Yeah, she's music degree. No, I don't. I have an acting degree, but I have, I'm a grade eight classical pianist. Yeah, she's got certificates. Okay, so you've got certificates. Okay. I'm going to choose a different bit. Okay. Hang on, hang on. What bit are you doing?

I'm getting used to the instrument. What bit are you doing? I'm. Oh, my God. No. Aye, the real, like, flamboyant. Oh, God. Oh.

Oh. On. On. Oh. Yeah. Oh. I think I chose a more difficult bit. You did choose a significant one.

Could you even do the first bit? Would you like to follow my fingering? You follow me, okay? Are you doing a German or a Baroque? This is German. Producer Anna, could we have a decision on a winner, please? Oh, my God. Hayley, I want to give you an A-plus for ambition,

but a D minus for execution Thank you I accept Wow I'm going to give today's winning trophy to Vaughan I'm proper blown away

That was incredible Thank you That did blow us away How did you do that? An online thing isn't it? Yeah It's an online how to You can learn so many

things online Typically in classical music Vaughan you take a bow after a performance. And my piano teacher used to tell me when you bow in your head, you say thank you for listening to me. There you go.

Thank you. There we go. Monday maestros. There we go. Will that be back next Monday? Because let's be honest, none of us practiced. Yeah, we'll give it another go.

Shall I play us out? Yeah. I'm just, I'm going to hit next. Can you do it quite quickly? Play. ZM's Fletch Vaughan and Hayley. Research has shown how long you need to have a conversation with somebody until you can make a judgment on their personality and then decide whether or not you're going to like this person.

And to be honest, that doesn't surprise me at all. I reckon I could do this pretty quick. You know, I've got the hiccups. Yeah, you do. Leave me alone. You can work it out pretty quickly, right? You get a vibe. You just know.

It's like a kindred spirit thing. You're just on a different level sometimes and you go, nah, you're not going to be my friend. Yeah, that's fine. You're just on a different level sometimes and you go, nah, you're not going to be my friend. Yeah, that's fine. You're a human, whatever. Continue to function, but not in my vicinity. I don't wish death upon you. No. Well,

no. Please continue to live. I just don't, not in my life. So how they worked on it is they had strangers have conversations for four minutes. Yeah. a few different lengths of time but they found four minutes was the magic mark because next they played a game like a tactical game that they had to work together to play I see and they said there was the four minute mark on the research that showed how they'd made judgmental decisions about that person that were

then portrayed in the game yeah true in the game that they had to'd made judgmental decisions about that person that were then portrayed in the game. Yeah. Showed through in the game that they had to play. So like, I'm not going to buddy up with you or work very well with you. Yeah, I'll just let you, you're the dominant one, so I'll let you take control or you've shown me that you need someone to lead you, so I'll do my part here. I just thought when you were saying that,

well, maybe we should go on four-minute dates. But then that got me thinking, well, that's just speed dating. And I have Googled the average speed dating time could be anywhere from three to eight to ten minutes, depending on how many people were at the venue you were doing speed dating at. Yeah. That makes sense, right? Because you'd work out pretty quickly if you wanted to. Can you leave a speed date though?

You know what I mean? Like if you got the first one and you were like, this guy is everything. And then you're just like, we don't need to keep... I don't want you cheating. You're looking ahead to these other dorks

and be like, no, I don't want you talking to anyone else. I think you're mine. Let's get married. It's a bit... Ding, ding, ding, ding, ding. Oh, is it the time to say bye?

Isn't it a bit psycho when you say to him like, I don't want you looking at these other women in here. Who's that? What's on your sheet there? Yeah, that's a bit of a turn off, I reckon. Yeah you looking at these other women in here. Who's that? What's on your sheet there? Yeah, that's a bit of a turn off, I reckon. Yeah, right.

Four minutes. You could totally tap. You could both be like, should we just leave? Are you digging this? They're like, yeah, I'm digging this. Yeah, but there might be like nibbles and dinner as part of your speed dating. Right, just take yourself out of the circle then. But you wouldn't make the numbers uneven if you both left.

Yes, you'd both have to leave. Yeah, that's true. That'd be perfect because otherwise there'd be one table where it's just a bit of quiet time for four minutes. Yeah. You have to go there on your own. And everyone's probably stoked you've got up and left anyway. God, I'm glad I'm not dating, eh?

Yeah. Long live. See, we're on one side of dating. We're, you know, done with the dating and Fletch can't quite bring himself to what would be described as a date. Four minutes sounds horrible. Too long. If you liked today's podcast,

tell your friends you could send them the link. And if you don't have any friends, just pretend you did. Yeah, great. And rate and review. And maybe get out there and try to make some friends.