ZM's Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley - Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley Podcast - 6th March 2023

Episode Date: March 5, 2023

Top 6: Saturns Rings  Silly Little Poll!  Noise Machine"Partner"  Vaughan at Rainbows EndFact of the Day Day Day Day Daaaaay!See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

The ZM Podcast Network. Play ZM's Fleets, Vaughan and Hayley. Hello, welcome to the Fleets, Vaughan and Hayley podcast. It's thanks to McCafe. Drive through and get a cup of barista-made McCafe coffee on the go. Do you think we're ready to call our friend the show doctor? Dr. Shawnee? Yeah, Dr. Shawnee.

Well, I mean, he's unofficial. He's a friend to us all and we've all utilised his services. Have you utilised the services of Dr. Shawnee before? I haven't, no. Well, it's another week. It's another medical request from Hayley James-Sproul. We just sent him a photo of this catastrophe. My body is a mess.

It is an absolute... Your body is a wonderland. The body is a wonderland. Do you remember that song? I can't believe you're not in my eyes Do I remember John Mayer? I do Oh my god

He loves collecting watches doesn't he? John Mayer Does he? He's a big fan of watches I believe it's John Mayer John Mayer And also I do regret looking you in the eyes The body is a wonderland

Thank you I felt it Yeah Oh here we go My body is not a wonderland guys It doesn't matter what's happening. No, I'm not shitting on it in terms of me being down on my bod. It's like if you open a fresh tub of Neapolitan ice cream, that's what my body looks like at the moment.

I'm going to hit the chocolate first. I've got kind of a brown face, quite a tanned face. Then you come down, tanned, tanned. Then you go to the upper boob. Yep. That's the pink. That's the strawberry. The dark chocolate areoles.

No, no, no, no, no. Not those. No, those are not. Those are pink and cute. Little peaches. Little peaches. I don't know. She's referred to a woman's areoles as dark chocolate areoles.

Little afghans. I like them. You've got cornflakes on them. No, but my boobs. My boobs go. No, walnuts. Walnuts. Cornflakes. My boobs go brown, chocolate. Yeah. I like them. You've got cornflakes on them too. No, but my boobs go brown, chocolate, pink, strawberry, white, vanilla. Because I got so sunburned last week. It's bad.

You know a sunburn's bad when you look at it and it's a bit purple. Did you not feel, is it because we've had months of rain? Yeah, and I was like, F you to the sun because I haven't had it. And so I was sitting there roasting like, yeah, welcome back, pig. And then I went inside and I am so badly burnt, like my stomach. And there's just a slice because I was wearing a crop top and a high-waisted thing. So the slice in the middle that was exposed, that's burnt too. And I've got tit chafe again.

How's the anus? How's the ass looking? So sore. So sore. They marched all weekend. Blistering as well. I've got a blistering anus. I've got bubbling titties.

You send a photo to the show doctor. Look at the texture of that. I'm showing the boys my boobie, but you've got to look at that. You don't need to, yeah. What is that? Is that sunburn? That boobie, but you've got to look at that. You don't need to, yeah. What is that? Is that sunburn? That's burn. Oh, that's not good.

How did it get that far down? I peeled, I peeled a bit. Oh! Oh! Okay, what did the show doctor say? Well, I was going to suspect that he was going to say hydrocortisone, because this is answer everything, and I'm starting to guess his qualifications. Second guess, then.

He said I've got to keep my boob guess then. He said I've got to keep my boobies moist. He said I've got to keep them moisturised. Yeah, right. Bit of sorboline cream. You're just going to keep them. No, but it's so sore.

Got some aloe? I've got aloe. Like what about actual literal aloe? Yeah, I've got aloe in the fridge and I pull it out and I say,

hey Aaron, and he turns around and I squirt it on my tits. Hey podcast list., is this podcast, is this podcast we're allowed to say that? I say Aaron. You see Caroline's face, she looks horrified. But I do it so badly as to not turn him on. Right.

Nothing can turn, he's Let's just remember there's a lot of heat in that sun. It is only March. The start of March. The burn time was 10 minutes on that day And I was in the sun for an hour Okay there you go then I haven't been sunburnt in the summer At all

What do you want a fucking medal? Yeah I do I want a medal You'd be like a loser with your bloody neon green zinc on your face every day I saw everybody yesterday They were round the bays in Auckland. It raises heaps of money for charity. A lot of workplaces do it.

Did you do it? No, shit no. I saw people walk past. But everybody afterwards got a medal. Yeah. And it said Southern Cross on it. And I was like, I wish they hadn't put my premiums up $25 a month.

To pay for those medals. Just don't give people a medal, give them a certificate. Yeah, much cheaper. A thank don't give people a medal. Give them a certificate. Yeah, much cheaper. A thank you. A much cheaper option. And then maybe premiums could have only gone up,

you know, $10. I don't know how much medals cost. So you're paying for these people's medals even if they come last? Oh yeah, most of them. No one won.

I think one guy won. This wouldn't have happened in World War II. No. Because we needed the medal for the war effort. We didn't give them out willy-nilly.

No. The medals. We're just giving out medals willy-nilly. We're asking people to We were just giving out medals willy-nilly. We were asking people to donate their medals. You would have been sewing up some parachutes or spot welding. No, I might have been fighting. You chauvinist.

You weren't allowed to. I might have shaved off my hair and said, I'm here for service. And they were like, what about those big, giant, sunburnt tits? Bit of a dead giveaway, huh? Play ZM's Fletch, Fawn and Hayley. Thank you, Sam. Good morning.

Welcome to the show, Fletch, Fawn and Hayley. Census Eve. Ah, Census Eve. Whoa, slow down with your cool announcements. Harry Styles Eve. Yes. That's a cooler announcement. We're not going.

I feel too old and too rock and roll for Harry Styles, guys. I'm sorry. Yeah, but you're coming with me to My Chemical Romance on Saturday. Not too rock and roll for that. I have been listening so much to my Kim. Yeah. Have you? Let's get Harry Styles

out of the way so we can get excited about this. Happy birthday and happy beneficiary day to my mother. Oh. She's crossed the line.

She's crossed the line. She starts collecting her 65. Super. Yeah. Super annuation. Yeah, she's a beneficiary. Yep.

Yep, she's a beneficiary. Or she's saying those bloody ones that won't look for work. Oh, yeah, lazy. Are you serious? She's just going to take it? She's just going to sit at home on the benefit. Is she still going to scream those bloody beneficiaries at the television? I must admit, she has pulled back on the bloody beneficiaries.

Now she's seen the benefit. Well, she knew it was on the horizon for her and how hypocritical it would be for her to be, you know. Yeah. Do you think we'll get one of those some weekend too at retirement age? No way. There's going to be no money left. They're going to be dried up.

These boomers are going to dry us, bleed us dry. Ironically, the Superfund's going to be dried up, but the world is going to be full of water. Yeah. Rising sea levels and drying up or also dry as well. It could go either way, couldn't it? Yeah. See, I think we're heading a bit more towards water world rather than Mad Max.

If we're looking at our apocalyptic futures. Yeah. Rising sea levels. Where do you think the water's going to go? I don't know. Where do you think the water's going to go? Down the drain. We'll just send it to Mars.

Down the drain? Yeah. Goes back out to the ocean. It's just like too much, put it back in. Have we thought about boiling it in a big pot? Have we thought about letting it evaporate? We could spread it out really thin. If we got all the seawater and spread it out really thin in one of the deserts.

Yeah. And then we've got salt. Yeah. And then we've got salt for afterwards for our chippies. Salt for the chips. Brilliant. Fantastic. How has no one ever thought of this?

Did we just bloody solve the whole issue? Yeah, I think we did. I think we did. Guys, there's something off. I'm no one ever thought of this? Did we just bloody solve the whole issue? Yeah, I think we did. I think we did. Guys, there's something off. I'm trying a new protein powder this morning, and it's mocha flavoured. Oh, okay. But it straight up tastes like a butter chicken.

Like, there's something about it, the essence of it. You didn't get the butter chicken flavour? I don't believe I did. They didn't mix it up? There's something about... Masala, that would be next to mochaccino. Masala flavoured. You need to go alphabetical and pick up the wrong N.

It's just the richy spiciness of it. I did put a dash of chai. Oh, that'll be it. That'll be it then. But straight up delicious. You've never been able to nail a smoothie? Never. I think you should retire the smoothie.

There's no bananas in my house. So it's just water and protein powder in it. Straight up tastes like a curry. Well, happy breakfast to you. I'm not mad. The top six is coming up in a few minutes. Satin? Yep.

You'll be familiar with this planet. It's the one with the rings around it. Yes. It's my favourite. It's the prettiest. It's losing its rings. Oh, goodness. Now, it's my favourite. It's the prettiest. It's losing its rings. Oh, goodness. Now it's just going to be another...

It's just going to be another run of the mill, far out. Has Neptune got rings? No. Google, please. No, it doesn't. Is it Uranus that's got some rings? Yeah, no, no.

Neptune, no. I think Neptune's the blue one. Yeah, that's pretty. I think Uranus has got like rings but not as good as Saturn's rings. Why are you saying it like that? Just hit it where you know you want to hit it. Your anus has rings. Your anus has rings.

Thank you. Yeah. So the top six dealing with the... How we're going to get in more rings. Okay. Fantastic. Yeah, why not? It's coming up next on the show.

I've got some emoji news. Okay. Why are we using emojis? Maybe they're not so good for us after all. I'm a little guilty of this in terms of, for me, I use exclamation marks. A little, hoo-hoo, hey, hoo-hoo. Like, cheery greetings and emails emails to minimize my expression of aggression. Right.

You know, when I'm like, hey, a little bit of a problem, exclamation mark, like I'm just having fun. I do this all the time. And apparently the Gen Zers, their version of this is using emojis. And when they're using an emoji, often it can be misrepresenting their true expression, what they're trying to say. So it's like saying,

hey, you left all the dishes in the sink, smiling face with a little blush. You're really, you're trying to soften the blow. Really passing. But they're softening the blow. They're not expressing that they're really annoyed.

I'm bad at this. That's the exclamation mark for me. Yeah, I use the exclamation marks. Exclamation mark. You're an arsehole. Sincerely, Hayley. Do you know what I mean? Yeah.

And I always have to add a little exclamation mark to make sure that the email's not too aggressive. Right. But sometimes... But the exclamation mark would increase aggression. No, no, but in a happy expression. Oh, right. This summer, am I right?

Exclamation mark. That would be a question mark, exclamation mark. Or put them together in a terror bang. But even I'll just say that and say, hi, hope you're doing well, exclamation mark. And then I'll say the real content of the email. Rather than just saying,

Hello, I'm unhappy about this thing. So when you're messaging us in the group chat and there are exclamation marks, I'm upset with you. You're upset with us. Right. I'm just going to have a look in the group chat. Yeah, I'm trying to see who's using... See what we've been getting.

We're not big emoji users as a group. I will say that More of a ha ha We also love a jiff don't we Huge fan of a jiff They'll say what you're thinking Yeah I'm not seeing any exclamation marks here So I'm thinking we're good

Are we good? Yeah you're good with me I've got no beef with you boys See I'm trying to even look through my messages with my Fiance Not partner Well I'm being told even look through my messages With my fiancé Okay Not partner Well I'm being told off for calling him my boyfriend So more on that later

The only emoji in this is a kiss Okay Because I said Oh no I've got something to tell you And he said what And I said A little bit of a crush on you Kiss

That's cute. You said that to him at the weekend. Yeah, keeping the romance alive. This is hot stuff, isn't it? But we're not emoji users either. We're straight cut to the chase. I'll tell him how I feel any minute, any day.

Well, that's good that you can be honest with the person that you're with, isn't it? It really is, Vaughn. It really is, yeah. It really is. It's nice.

If you've been together this long and you're still just like lying every day. Do you know what the last message was? It was sent at yeah. It's nice if you've been together this long but you're still just like lying every day. Do you know what the last message was? It was sent at 4.58am. This morning? Yeah, I just cannot with this stupid effing piece of S car. Oh yeah, because your alarm goes off.

Yeah, my car alarms went off. You can't start your car without the alarm going off. The only way to get my car started is to set off the alarm. No exclamation marks in there. That was just the true feeling for him to receive. No emojis. No, I can't with this effing piece of S car and a smiley face to soften the blow. I'm still cute and still nice.

I'm not cute and nice in the morning. I'm upset. Well, if you're getting emojis and messages. Yeah, or maybe look a bit deeper. Yes. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley. So Margot Robbie has shared her love after a hard day's work of jumping in the shower and having a shower beer. Top five beers.

Just like your cell phone. One of the top five beers, the old shower beer. Especially the hot and sweaty and a little bit smelly covered in dust. You grab the beer on the way in and then a hot shower and a cold beer. Icy cold. Yeah. That contrast. It's second only to a bath salve. A bath salve?

Yeah. Or a bath bubbles. A pool beer's pretty good. Yeah. Where you just get into a pool and you've got a beer. This guy, relatable. I didn't say it had to be an in-ground fiberglass pool. I can't take a bloody beer down to the local

kids swimming pool and just hop in a swimming hole. What about the free local beach, just a warm powers? You're not allowed to drink on the beach. Yes, you are. No, you're not. We literally drink at that beach. Shh, shh, shh, doesn't mean we're allowed. Unless there's an alcohol ban. You're allowed to. You're allowed to drink in public. A lot of beaches. Some beaches. Yeah, that beach. Shh, shh, shh. Doesn't mean we were allowed. Unless there's an in-place alcohol ban. Yeah, you're allowed to.

You're allowed to drink in public. A lot of beaches. Some beaches. Yeah, that beach we went to and drank at. We weren't breaking the law. I know you were like hiding your beer

down your top. You were scared. I've mentioned this before and I won't be shamed for it, but when I was at university I used to have a little beer and a ciggy in the shower.

Now that was a good time. Especially if I was hungover. You'd sit on the ground and... You'd hungover, have little beer and a ciggy in the shower. Now that was a good time. Especially if I was hungover, you'd sit on the ground and... You'd hungover, have a beer and a ciggy in the shower. Run me through a cigarette in the shower because you know, any smell in the shower is amplified.

I'm talking about when you accidentally do a fart in the shower. If it's an enclosed shower. It mixes with the steam. And if you've got shower dome, no mice, no mice, no condensation. You'd be hotboxing yourself. Yeah, the fire's got nowhere to go and it's pungent.

Well, I didn't have a shower dome. We just had an old house with a window. Did you get your bond back from a little ciggy smoke? No, I didn't get my bond back at that house. Why did you not get your bond back? Because we spray painted the carpet by mistake. I remember that. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

You told us that story. A long story. I mean, you just, yeah, terrible. Don't have a ciggy in the shower. I mean, I'm talking about, not 15 years ago. How old am I? 12 years ago or so. Yeah.

A little ciggy in the shower. I'm a better woman now and my body is a temple. You don't smoke anymore, do you? Hell no. Another good beer is like the last, when you're doing the lawns, you have a beer at the same time as you're doing the last bit of the lawns.

How are you doing that? So you're right on. Oh, you're right on. Yeah. Because I was like, you can't push a pusher with one hand. Oh, yeah, you can. That's a double hander. No, it's easy.

There's no checkpoints in your backyard. And your lawn, yeah. While you're on your right on lawn. While you go. Get a little rappity tap on the door. That's another pretty good. No, I just mean he comes around the corner By the lounge By the lemon tree And the police have set up

And there's a random breath Yeah I'm like oh shit So I turn around And start going back And then they give chase Because they know I'm trying to avoid them

Quickly try to get Shade in the driver's seat Yeah Kids kids Come and Drive your old man Yeah Yeah

A passenger beer Is pretty good Yeah love a passenger Like if you've been Maybe you've been At the beach all day And it's that drive home And it's really hot And it's a nice summer evening That's a pretty good. Yeah, love a passenger beer. Maybe you've been at the beach all day and it's that drive home and it's really hot

and it's a nice summer evening. That's a pretty good beer as well. So Margot Robbie cranks on in the shower. Yeah, you and Margot Robbie. I just feel like a woman of the people. Barbie comes out this year. The Barbie movie she's in. Those photos are wild.

Of Ryan Gosling. And Will Ferrell. And who's making this movie? Greta... Greta Gerwig. Gunnberg. Yeah. No, not...

Greta Thunberg. Not Greta Thunberg. I combined Greta Thunberg and Greta Gerwig. Yeah. God, imagine if Greta Thunberg made The Barbie Film. She wouldn't be a fan of Barbie because it's plastic. I'll tell you what, she'd have to get rid of the convertible. Barbie would be carved out of wood Sustainable wood

Her mansion The Barbie Folding Funhouse The footprint's too big It's far too big It's far too big for a single lady She has her solars I had the Barbie Folding Funhouse And she was not a single lady

There were men It was a rotating It was like Everywhere Everywhere Yeah everywhere Was she smoking in the shower as well? She was having an absolute durry in the shower

Of course she was The top six is next on the show Well you'd smoke in the shower If you had no n having an absolute durry in the shower. Of course she was. The top six is next on the show. Well, you'd smoke in the shower if you had no nips as well. How do you know I do? Great set of charts, not a single nip.

Not a nip to be seen. Not a lip either. Just smooth. Wow. Interesting to see how Greta Gerwig deals with that in the movie. I wonder if that will be

sort of like a a subtle nod to the lack of to the mound yeah I wonder if they'll walk like articulated you know

oh god like it's a stop motion film and then her hair gets wet once and it just turns into a big knotty mess yeah and you gotta shave it off yeah

and it never ever grows back yeah you learn that lesson once don't you oh yeah that it. Yeah. You learn that lesson once, don't you? Oh, yeah. That it doesn't grow back. You just keep doing it, don't you? Play ZM's Fletchford and Hayley. Blah, blah, blah.

Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. This is the top six. Saturn is apparently losing some of its rings. Ring there. Goodness me. Do you know what I love? And every time it pops up as one of those things on Facebook, what would it look like

from different places on Earth if we had Saturn's rig? That'd be pretty cool. Oh yeah. Have you seen those photos? And they, like,

this is what it looked like in London and it's got like the London Eye and then it's got like this big disc because it would sit on the equator.

So like in Hawaii, it would be, you know, just this line through the sky. But the further away you got from the equator, the thicker it would look. What are the rings made out of? Space dust. Space dust. Space dust. How does it stick in one place?

Gravity. Gravity, wow. Gravity, yeah. Interesting. That's so cool. It's like, well, we had a bit of one because we got crashed into. Yeah. Earth a long time ago.

Blew us to bits. And then modern Earth formed. And then the stuff that was around us was the moon. Listen to this guy. Think it happened naturally. I know. Tell that to Jesus. Well, no, he did it.

Oh, did he? Yeah, he threw a ball at Earth. He is powerful. He's a cheeky beggar. That's it. I'm giving him part of my wages. How much are you thinking? I'm sold.

I'm doing 10%. You should give him 10% and then just take a bunch of cash to church as well. Okay. I will. Just throw up there. Thank you. I will too. I'm going to join you there.

It's what he would have wanted. So I've got the top six ways to give Satin back some ring. Number six on the list. Well, I mean, we've been looking what to do with all of our rubbish. Rubbish ring. Oh, my God. We'll just chuck our rubbish in. The amount of space junk that's up there at the moment,

they're saying that's going to cause problems for us. Oh, for us. That's what I'm saying. We put a big net above Earth as well. Catch all that space junk. We're just going to chuck it on the ring. They like their ring so much. Plastic will be good, eh?

Like milk, milk cartons. Jesus. All sorts. What about toothbrushes? Yeah. Send them all toothbrushes. Anything you can imagine. I read an article the other day that said every toothbrush you've ever used in your entire life still exists on earth.

What if it was a wooden-handled one with them charcoal bristles? I don't like those. You'd probably go through about eight times as many of those as well. Yeah, you use like one a week because they fall apart. Yeah. What about a chewing stick instead of a toothbrush? You know those chewing sticks.

What is the native plant that's good for a toothbrush? What are they, kawa kawa? Honestly, it's got to be kawa kawa. Kawakawa. It kind of does everything. About the most magical plant we have on this beautiful

country of ours. I'm looking forward to your answer here. Toothbrush. What do you brush your teeth with in the bush? Toothbrush. Mint.

Mint would be good. Rubbing, because they're a bit of braces. It would freshen up the old, it would your teeth within the bush? Toothbrush. Mint. Mint would be good. Rubbing, because they're a bit of braces. It would freshen up the old, it would freshen up the old breath, that's for sure. Shall I carry on? Yeah, look,

this is going to, all I've just been hit with is targeted ads for toothbrushes. Yeah, you don't want that. Toothbrush. What are your keyword search? What can you use?

No, don't write that. New Zealand native tree toothbrush. That's all you need to write. And it will, I mean, I don't want it. No, don't write that. New Zealand native tree toothbrush. That's all you need to write. I mean, I don't want to have to do it. No, see, look. Big toothbrush. Big toothbrushes. Nine out of ten dentists.

Cheeky bastard. No, see, it's all... I can't find it. Someone will text it in, I reckon. Oh, just buy one. Guys, yeah, help us. Okay, number five. You get to text again on what New Zealand tree makes a great toothbrush. I'll go buy one. Guys, yeah, help us. Okay, number five. You get to text again on what New Zealand tree makes a great toothbrush.

I'll get my own. Number five on the list of the top six ways to give satin back some ring. How about we propose to satin? We put a ring on it. Yeah. She's Beyonce. Diamonds. No, not diamonds.

Just plain. What are the fake diamonds? Cubic zirconia. Yeah, cubic zirconia. We can. No, not diamonds. Just plain. What are the fake diamonds? Cubic zirconia. Yeah, cubic zirconia. We can spare a few of those. Number four on the list of the top six ways to give Saturn back some ring. I reckon we just crash one of its moons into the ring. Do you know how many moons Saturn's got?

I'll give you $20 if you can tell me how many moons Saturn's got. Recognize moons. 13. 10. 83. 83. I was closest. Iise moons. 13. 10. 83. 83. I was closest. I was closest. 63 moons confirmed and named and 20 more moons awaiting confirmation of discovery

and official naming by the International Astronomical Union. Imagine the women on Saturn. That'd be bloody awful to deal with all those moons. It'd be so moody, do you think? Oh my god, the moon sends me bonkers. Imagine having 83 of them. It's got to deal with all those moons. It'd be so moody, do you think? Oh, my God, the moon sends me bonkers. Imagine having 83 of them.

It's got some of its... Are you blaming the moon? Yes, the moon. Is it? Yeah, it's not the oral contraception I'm on, or just sort of generally being... Alive. Yeah, alive.

In these tough times. In these tough times. That can be tough. Yeah. It's one of his moons that's called Phoebe. But all the rest have got, you know, like...

Are they all named after friends' names? No, there's no Rachel. I just looked. I went from Phoebe to R next door to Rachel. No R, no Chandler. Did you see that's why

Watts' face cut his long hair? Who? Chris Pine. Chris Pine. Because his stylist told him he looked like Rachel. Yeah, the Rachel. Yeah.

He thought it looked good. Yeah. And then they're like, you look like Rachel from Friends. It doesn't. It's like when it crosses a certain length, it starts to get the flick, the Rachel flick.

You've got to show it. Beautiful hair, naturally. People would kill for hair like that. Beautiful hair. Beautiful hair to hear that. Beautiful hair. Beautiful hair to hear. I could only dream.

We saw him once at the airport, didn't we? After his drink driving conviction in New Zealand. We saw him at a party we went to once for the Star Trek. Yeah. After party. Attractive man. Lovely hands.

Is he handsome in real life? Very handsome. Very handsome. Very handsome. Number three on the list of the top six ways to give Saturn back some ring. Fish that perfectly good ring that Frodo threw into Mount Doom out and give that to Saturn.

Nothing wrong with it. But a lot of the rings there. Yeah. Because he was the lord of the rings and they want more rings. Yeah, that's good. Because he was the lord of the rings and they want more rings. Yeah, that's good. Number two on the list of the top six ways to give a satin back some ring. Uranus is a ring.

Maybe you could borrow that. Oh, Vaughn. You went there, didn't you? It was a sitter. Sure, it was an absolute sitter. We're just trying to have a classy show for a month. Yeah, just like Uranus, an absolute sitter. Wow.

Wow. And number one on the list of the top six ways to give Saturn back some ring. Maybe we should just worry about what's happening on our own planet. Yeah. Maybe that's not a problem that affects us in the least. No, but we have to look outward because we're going to go to Mars soon. We'll stuff that up. Yeah.

What's next? Well, it might make it easier to get one of Saturn's 83 moons that could somehow prove habitable. Yeah. If there's less ring, because it'll mean less rocks. Our spaceship has to fly around on the way there. True. We'll be shooting them with lasers. That's today's top six.

So according to a new study out of the United States of America, 63% of men under 30 are single. So the majority of men under 30 are single. Okay. Which is, I wouldn't have thought, I wouldn't have picked that. That's a sausage fest. That's an absolute sausage fest, considering that for women, 34% under 30 are single.

And what was it for men? 63. That's a huge difference. That's a lot of lesbians. That's a lot of lesbians, isn't it? Just doing the maths there, if the men are, if that many men are single. Yeah. Did I see an article the other week, a lot of those women are going for older guys?

Yeah, for sure. And then, so that's leaving men under 30 with less. I've always loved the older men. I've always loved them. Had a little fantasy, I guess, about a grey-haired professor. A grey-haired professor? Right, is he helping you pass

university? Struggling with a paper. How do we get here? Is he sort of reluctantly seduced or? No, no, no, no, no. He's the, he's the pursuer. He's pursuing you? Wow.

He'll lose his credentials. He's putting his career on the line for you. Yeah. That's kind of hot, I guess. You would though. Risking it all. Risking it all. He keeps saying that.

I keep saying, oh my gosh, we shouldn't be. And he's like, I'll lose it all for you. Yeah, but then you don't want to be dating some old, unemployable loser dude, even if he's got a cool tweed coat with leather elbow pads. He's going to have the coat. If he doesn't have the job, will he wear the tweed coat? Yeah.

This changes the fantasy. Yeah. One of the main reasons why men under 30 are, they're not going on dates. They're just over dating. Is it because it's so expensive at the moment? Definitely part of the reason, but another big reason is they feel like

it's just like another job interview. Right, so it's what, too stressful and too much on it. Too many questions, because you know, we've shared articles before where people are like, this is the age of just saying what you want and getting what you want

and not sort of, you know, tiptoeing around things. And maybe if you're on the receiving end of someone who's like, right I'm playing hardball. When do you want babies? I'm going in, yeah. Maybe they're just like, oh my god, like all these questions. Are you ready for this? Are you ready for that? They just feel like in their job interviews

can't be bothered. What are they, scared little babies? Is that what you're telling me? These men under 30 are scared little babies? I'm not. Oh, I would have used 30 are scared little babies. I'm not. Oh, I would have used the word grow up here. I'm scared of questions. Yeah, grow up here would have been. I'm scared of questions and commitment. Don't put me under pressure to command. I just want to be hanging out with the lads.

That's what they say. The getting to know you period's gone. We're short on time. And so people are just being bombarded with questions about their plans for the future. And for some men, obviously a lot, particularly under 30, they don't like it. So they're staying single. They're not even going on dates. Wimps. Hanging out with the boys.

Okay, that sounds cool. Yeah, but can you blame them? All the women have been taken by hot university professors. Oh, yeah. All the good ones, yeah. He's got like such a head of hair. Right, yeah. It's like peppery. What about his wife?

See, when you were describing... She's got a drinking problem at home. And she is like out of it most of the time. Right, so... Oh my God. What if he's like putting something in her drink just to keep her a little... No, no, no.

He's not a person like that. He's a gentleman. He is a gentleman. Right. See, I'm picturing Eugene Levy. No, no, no, no, no, no. Have you seen he's got a travel show now on Apple TV? Which apparently is quite good because he hates travelling.

Does he? So it's a travel show from a man who hates travelling. It sounds so good. Think more like Hugh Grant. Are we back to the university professor? Yeah, Hugh Grant's like, and he's got like a little open shirt It's like open a little bit And I can see that he's fit

Right, okay He works out He goes to the gym at like 5am Should we just give you a moment? Is he a bit bumbly? Like Hugh Grant's a bit stumpy Nah, he's not as bumbly Okay, not as bumbly

He's got more He's just dominating He's just controlling Lovely We'll just leave you there We'll just give you a moment He's got more – he's just dominating. He's just controlling. He takes charge. We'll just give you a moment. Play.

Zed Eames, Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley. Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley. Silly little boy. Silly little boy. It is so silly, silly, silly. That silly little boy. Silly little boy. Silly little boy. Silly, silly, silly, that silly little pole. Silly little pole. Silly little pole. Silly little pole.

Silly little pole. Toilet paper over under raw, who cares? Did we give a who cares option? Yeah, we did. We give a who cares. I think I'd just go who cares. I don't really care. No, I care. No, no, no, I care.

So I've had a friend staying and the toilet paper ran out and he got a new roll out and put it under. And I was like, oh, no, no, no. I was like, no, no, I just took the roll off and turned it back. I thought you would say to him, get out. You're no longer welcome here. Yeah, get out. Because if you put it under, for some reason,

I know it doesn't, maybe the physics of it doesn't work, but when you pull it, it goes on the spoolie. On the wall, on the back bit. Whereas if you put it over. Does your own roll holder move out from the wall? Is it like swinging? It's not a full-time hard bar. No, we had a hard bar.

I've got a hard bar. And it still. Yeah, it does. You've got to go. The paper just, if it's a full roll, it's hitting the back bit. You're putting extra long rolls on. I've got a long roll. You've got to go forward off the top. Off the top. You pull off the top., it's hitting the back. You're putting extra long rolls on. I've got a long roll. You've got to go forward off the top.

Off the top. You pull off the top. Aaron does it all the time, and I don't get that he doesn't see that as soon as I get in there, I flip it round. He just wouldn't clock that. He doesn't care. As don't 16% of people who responded.

Who cares? They did who cares? That is a huge, to say toilet paper over, what, is 80? Over is 80%. Under is 4% and Who Cares? 16%. That's a big result. Majority. That's majority.

Yeah. Well, the under also, if you've got like a cat or a kid and they give it a tug, it'll run. It could just keep running. Yeah. I guess same with the over. Less run? Less run. Less run, I think. Or maybe more run.

Beard over mullet always, says Hannah. That's what her. Okay. Beard over mullet. All of you who cares are psychopaths. It's a big deal. 100% over. 100%.

Why would you want to dangle against the wall gathering dust? Over is the only answer. Yes. it dangling against the wall gathering dust over is the only answer Yes Gathering dust off the wall I mean give time to give the wall a wipe

Yeah It's more the fact that if it's flat against the wall and there's a bit of a static charge and it's gone flat against the wall

and you've had a mishap you've got a bit of poo on your fingers you don't want that on the wall do you You don't want

to grab it and get more and put that on the wall How aggressively are you wiping in there You might need some more layers there You need to do more folds it and get more and put that on the wall. How aggressively are you wiping in there? You might need some more layers there.

You need to do more folds. More layers, yeah. More scrunch, more fold. More scrunch. You've got to stop buying the one ply. Stop being so cheap. You're doing all right. No, no, no.

Yeah, well, I'm making my own now. Yeah. Are you out of your old? Newspapers. Yeah. Your old Christmas pyjamas. The old white rag. Penny said, I wrote Who Ca cares, but I mainly go under.

I know the horror. But it's because the cat plays with it if it's over and he won't unroll a whole thing if it's under. Under means it just spins around and gets a few claw holes. Right. But it also sticks to the wall, meaning it's harder for the cat to get it going. I think you need to train your cat.

Yeah. My cat wouldn't do that. Another, beard, not a mullet. That just seems to train your cat. Yeah. With scraps. My cat wouldn't do that. Another beard, not a mullet. That just seems to be quite popular. It doesn't matter which way it goes when you wipe with the whole roll anyway. Josh! For God's sake, the environment. Or like wiping a felt tip.

Have some fibre, you know what I mean? If it's that liquidy. You need some thickness in there. Yeah. Nathan says, it's always over because of the pattern printed on it. And the pattern is there because we use more that way, sneaky buggers. Who's getting, is anyone still buying the seashell? The scented, the scented blue seashell.

Why can't you scent it on my, I've got to use, yeah, fragrance free. Oh, absolutely. Sorry for that personal info. Such a delicate anus. I do have a delicate bouton, yeah, fragrance-free. Oh, absolutely. Sorry for that personal info. Such a delicate anus. I do have a delicate bouton. Yeah, he does. Yeah. It's delicate.

I mean, who'd have thought it? Why are you rocking a scent? Are you doing a lavender to see? Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Okay. But I've got a very leathery. Leathery. You've got a leathery bust down there.

Pucked and scarred. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Too scarred. Why so scarred? Don't know. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Too scarred. Why is it so scarred? Don't know. I couldn't tell you. It's rough. Just as rough handling.

It's rough and fat. Yeah, you know, like, farmers have always got, like, hard, calloused hands. Yeah. That's your anus. Because they use them. They work with them.

I guess that's just me. I sit down and I work. Waterfall says Tessa, always. I have a compulsion to correct it anywhere I go. I simply can't fathom anyone who chucks it on with a who-cares-willy-nilly attitude. Yeah. Always. I have a compulsion to correct it anywhere I go. I simply can't fathom anyone who chucks it on with a who cares

willy nilly attitude. Yeah. Under. That way you don't get caught out of spiders or creepy crawlies are hiding inside. What?

As you would with over. Plus easy to rip when hung under. No it's not. How hard is it to rip? When it's a tough time there's got to be an easier way.

Yeah. Toilet paper. You should try tearing it on the perforated bits rather than just grabbing it and trying to rip it. It'd be much, much easier. I think the people have spoken. Yeah, they have. Toilet paper over.

Play. ZM's Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley. Not only did Carwen waste time waiting for her boyfriend at the airport yesterday, when then you said you were waiting for your boyfriend, but really she was waiting to see if Harry Styles was coming off of a plane. Yeah, my boyfriend. Harry Styles. Wait, where was your boyfriend?

No, no, no, he's not your boyfriend, love. You have a boyfriend. You've got plain old Ryan. Wait, I'm confused. Plain old Ryan! You know, just average Ryan. That's mean. Nah, he's hot, he's cute.

Wait, I'm confused. Were you at the airport waiting for your boyfriend or Harry Styles? No, no. My boyfriend was coming back from Gisborne. Oh, so he was at domestic. Harry Styles was travelling international. I did see one of those blacked out Sprinter van things though. Could have been him.

Could have been him. Does he do commercial flights? He'd have his private jet. He'd have a private jet, wouldn't he? I don't know. He's not going to be at the front of some Jetstar flight. He might be. Is he?

I doubt it. Save a buck. Lucky for Lance. Premium economy. He's not going to be at the front of some Jetstar flight. He might be. Is he? I doubt it. Save a buck. Lucky for Lance. Premium economy. He might be premium. Yeah, premium economy. So you wasted a couple of hours there of your prized, precious weekend. She works so hard during the week and then all she wants is to enjoy her time.

So she's wasted time there. You've also wasted how long in a line for a Ruby sale? Look, nearly two hours. Two hours? What is a Ruby sale? Look, nearly two hours. Two hours? What is a Ruby sale? So Ruby's like a New Zealand clothing brand. Okay. And they were having a big garage sale, like sample sale.

Oh, it'll just be all that too small or oversized stuff and stuff in weird colours. They did have a good size range, I'll say. Oh, okay, okay. But after waiting for two hours and I finally got in, yeah, not so much of my size. Was there a queue to get into a sale? Absolutely. That's absolutely my worst nightmare. A two-hour queue?

It was longer. Some people, so it started at like 9, 9.30 or something. Some people waited over three hours. No. People need to start putting a bit of value on their time here. I know. I will say. Because if you're going to save $20 but you have to line up for two hours,

then that's $10 an hour to line up. No, these sales are massive. They're big savings. And I will say, Carwen is a Ruby girl. Yeah. You know, sometimes when Carwen walks in, you go, oh, my God, she's looking cute today. What am I?

If I was a girl, what would I be? Oh, glasses. I'm fine with that. Big, big glasses. Big, big. He's a bit of Shanton. I would have said Pagani. Yeah, a Pagani.

I would have said Vaughan would be a big Pagani girl. A Miru. Really? Yeah. Because I'm budget conscious. Yeah, and you don't give a... No. What is the lady version of AS Colour?

AS Colour. AS Colour. Yeah. It's AS Colour. What would I be if I was a girl? Augustine. Okay. Augustine. Iine Is it afraid

To spend a little bit On a floral number This one No I feel he'd be like A rip girl A Roxy A Roxy girl

Like an Amazon Was he popping Into Amazon Surferscape Would I He's wearing like Lee No you're Just Jeans

You're Just Jeans Oh am I You're Just Jeans Women's range I've got it. I've nailed that. That's not a bad thing necessarily.

I have nailed that. You're Just Jeans. Okay, what would Hayley be? What would Hayley be? If I was a boy? No, if you're a girl. Oh my God, it's hard to imagine.

Postie Plus. Yeah, she wouldn't be scared of a postie. No, she's a Postie Plus. You've got to be in the mall. Umamuchi. You've got to be in the mall. You've got to be in the mall. I'm Pagani.

So what did you get? Did you get nothing for your two hours? Look, I did buy one top, but... How much was it? $39. It was originally $149. Wow. So that's a $100 saving for two hours of your life. But here's something.

If they could afford to sell it for $39, it was never worth $149 in the first place. It's definitely like an old style. It's a winter top as well. You won't be seeing me in it for a while. Oh, okay. But it's like thick. A winter top?

Like what? Like a jumper? Like long sleeve thick. I could blow out too much. Or blow under. Like blow under? Everybody wants to blow under. That's why you've never heard that saying before.

It's because no one's like, oh, man, that guy's really blowing under. Yeah. I can't buy something with the goal of wearing it in six months. Is it really rolling the dice here? It's just going to join the bloody four bags of clothes that don't fit me already in the garage. You can't have that. I couldn't leave without nothing. Yeah, so it's a justifying spend.

So you get to the front of the line after two hours and you're like, I have to buy something. Basically. No, oh my gosh. The top that I went in there being like, I hope it's there. It was right in front of me. I was waiting for a girl to move out of my way because everyone's a little bit pushy, bargy. Move, bitch!

Is that what she said? Get out of the way. I can't. I can't be that person. Anyway, this girl moves out my way. I go to grab it. Someone else grabs it. And I was like, maybe she'll put it back because she was looking at it like,

oh, I don't know, I don't know. She took it. I'm sorry about it. She was tough. I can't believe you waited that long in a line. I've never waited that long in a line for anything. I refuse to wait in lines. Like, not to buy anything. Or to sort of, not even to like, not for a concert.

Well, yeah, like people that line up for concerts, like Harry Styles, I think Perth they said, don't bother lining up. Yeah. We're not doing that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Whereas people I'm sure will be lining up here. Yeah, I imagine so.

Are you going to be lining up for that too? I won't be lining up, but you can only line up from 8am at Mount Smart. Have you got allocated? But what time's the concert? Like he won't be on until 8pm. Yeah, I think he's not on until like 9. These people will be in adult nappies too.

They're disgusting. Yeah, yeah, they will. They'll just pee and poop themselves all day long. No, but you lose your place. No, no, no. You get numbered. Oh, business idea. Yep.

You buy a big drum, like one of those big blue drums, a four-gallon drum, and you put wheels on it and you tow it behind. You could probably pull it. And you go along the queue and you're like, wee tank, wee tank. Anyone need the wee tank? Oh my God, people can pee in the tank.

$2 to pee in the tank. And then you don't lose your place in line because I just pull up. Right. Pop up a little curtain for a bit of privacy. Piddle, piddle, piddle. And you just piddle in the pee tank. I thought that you were... And then I carry on

my way and then when it gets full I just go down to the bottom of that road and I open the bung in the bottom and all the wheeze runs out into the ground. Is there a poo charge? No pooing in the tank. What are you going to charge if one slips out? Because sometimes when I'm going for a wee, I don't know. Well, it's like an Uber. I'm going to charge you a soilage fee.

Yeah, because he's not- If I get to the end of the road and undo the little bung, which is only going to be a small bung and it all of a sudden stops flowing, but I can find there's

a poo blocking it, I'm marching straight back up the street to see who pooed in the pee tank. Okay. Pee tank. Pee tank.

It sounds like a terrible business idea. It's a good idea. We wanted to know if there is something that you have waited in a line for for a really long time.

Maybe it was to buy the latest Yeezys. People do that. I see them all the time in the morning on the way to work. Not anymore. They're like trash now. Not Yeezys. But people line up outside Foot Locker on Queen Street all the time. iPhones, people do it.

When I was at Disneyland last year, the line to ride the New Guardians of the Galaxy ride, which had just opened was three hours see i just wouldn't it's a half year i just wouldn't dance like and then exactly the rise of the resistance the latest star wars ride was two and a half hours or you could pay 20 bucks and skip the queue they'd be like come back at 11. oh god yeah hey we're not here to judge we're not here to judge maybe you really wanted something and you waited in a line for bloody four hours so you could be front of the mosh pit for Tool maybe.

I'd love to know what. That was the thing this morning. Good morning to our Tool fans. Yeah, huge. Huge schism fan. We're talking about what you sat in queue for. I hate queuing. Americans love a queue.

They just want to see a queue and they'll join a queue. They don't even know What it is Europeans They love cueing Europeans cues everywhere No I guess bigger populations

So there is There are a lot of cues For things How do you dodge the cue Because I know people That have gone to see the Mona Lisa Oh yeah

Said it was a big cue Or you know The old You know European famous The Sistine Chapel You can buy Because the Sistine Chapel

You have to make bookings for. So that only a few people can go in and see it at a time. Because it's an alfresco. You know, you've got to go in. It's on a wall. It's not a painting. And you get a little pasta while you eat it and you slurp all over the painting. Now you make bookings for it. So that one shouldn't have a big queue.

Oh, okay. But the Mona Lisa's a big queue. It's just a big crowd. It's like, to see the Lisa, it's this massive crowd. But see, you'd have to queue up so you could get to the front. It's not miles away. Someone who filed through Anne Frank's house. Oh, yeah, that was a queue. It was like a huge queue and you queue up and you go through.

Why are you queuing to be sad? But it was so weird. You're like, oh, a family hid in there and it's just packed with all these people. Oh, yes, I see. Oh, my God, yeah. Take a photo of me doing a handstand in Anne Frank's house. Going to the handstand.

Yoga pose. I'm doing a downward dog in Anne Frank's. Andy, what did you queue up for? So I think it was 2015. I lined up for Justin Bieber at 6 a.m. in the morning. Oh, my God. And at that time there was already about 10 people there

maybe that had actually camped overnight. No. Would you queue up again for him? I don't know. At that point I actually had VIP so I was going to at the front anyway. What were you doing there? Well I just wanted to make sure I was going to be

you know, right there. It's the experience, right? You were out there with other believers. Absolutely. Lining up all day. I made so many new friends that were from, like, other countries. Are you still friends with them now? No.

We don't talk that much. No. Okay. Okay, Hayley, it's a no. Andy, please don't feel bullied into this. They're not real friends. They were just hoping that they could cut in front of you and get closer to Justin Bieber.

No, it wasn't like that because we were numbered. Are you still a believer now? I still love him, but I don't think I would do that again for him. He turned 29 last week. Does that make you feel old? No, because I'm only 24. Oh, my God, does that make you feel old? No, because I'm only 24. He's old. Oh, my God.

Does that make you feel old? You don't feel old at 24. No, no, no. I want to know what, you know when you said that people, like, camp out there in front of you? What do they do with their camping gear once they're allowed in? They just left it there, I believe. And some had, like, parents that came and picked it up.

I was going to say mum and dad had come and picked it up. Yeah. These parents are suckers. I'd be like, no. I'll pick up my camping gear. I've been here all night. Yeah. I would just say, imagine you're in front of the crowd of Justin Bieber,

you're right at the front, but you've got your bloody pop-up tin to your sleeping bag. Yeah, your folding chair. Your folding chair. I thought you were going to say, and then mum comes down, and it's like, mum, get away. You're embarrassing me. What if Justin Bieber comes down?

Excuse me. Andy, thanks. You're cool. Yasmin, good morning. Good morning. How are you guys? Good, thank you. What did you line up and wait ages for?

So it was when Reece Mastin first came to New Zealand. My friends and I, Reece Mastin. Do you remember him? This name rings a bell. Was he an Australian? He was Australian, eh? My friends and I Rhys Mastin Do you remember him? This is him Yeah Was he in Australia? He was Australian, eh? Yeah, he won the Australian

Oh yeah, I remember him We interviewed him He had a lot of friends Is he a pest now? He was huge A lot of friends Has he a pest? Has he done something bad?

No, we've been told no He's not really a thing anymore. He had big future pest vibes back in the day. No, I've been told by producer Carl when he's lovely still. So he's still lovely. He's not cancelled another as he is now. He won X Factor Australia in 2011. Jesus.

Wait, and you lined up for this person? Yeah. Oh, my God. He was huge like 10 years ago. And my friends and I, we lined up like about, it was overnight. It was like 28 hours. And Campbell Live, if you remember John Campbell. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I was actually on Campbell Live once, remember? Yeah. Their studio was sharing the same car park space. And they drove past and they were like, what are you guys doing? Because we were like camping. And they ended up interviewing us and they took us backstage to meet him like just before the concert started

and we got to do sound check and everything. So it was worth it. But yeah, I wouldn't do it. I remember this guy had such a good night's sleep. What was his big song? I've got his playlist open here, but I don't recognize it. I would say Goodnight. Okay, hold on.

Here we go. You'd know it. Yeah. Oh, my God. The girls in the producers, babe. Bitch, bitch. Oh, yes, man. Wow.

He's still got a bit of a fringe, by the way. Yeah, yeah. That's a bit tragic. He's rocking a goatee now. He's still got a bit of a fringe, by the way. Yeah. Yeah, it's a bit tragic. He's rocking a goatee now. He's got a goatee. He's a goatee. How old were you at this stage? I was 15.

Oh, that's okay. 15. Yeah. Yeah. So we had the team's shirts and everything, and the parents came and picked it up before the concert started. Oh, God. They got this McDonald's.

It was awesome. You've got a show sponsor. Show sponsor. Thank you. He's actually still doing... Thank you for getting a flawless mention in there for the show sponsor. Seamless, seamless.

Actually, he still does the odd concert around Australia too. Yeah, I think he's actually coming to New Zealand. Like, he's planning to soon, I think. I saw it on Facebook. Shanna in pyjamas

just said she's still got his CD in her car. Okay. There you go. Who knew there were so many Reece Mastin fans still active? Thank you, Yasmin. Message is in. Who have you lined up for? Someone said I lined up

for nine hours to see a doctor in an emergency department. Yeah. Wow. that must have been pretty cool when you finally met that doctor. But if you're waiting for nine hours, right,

because it's not an emergency, you've probably got a little sore ingrown toe or something. No, it's not fair. I was there. I should be ahead of the person who's bleeding profusely

from the face. Oh my God, someone comes in and they've been shot in the face. I was here first. Why are you seeing this person? Hey, mate, get to the back of the line, mate. My child rolled their ankle.

They've forgotten about it, but we're here now. What's happening here? There's lots. I took my daughter to the Ruby sale. Here's another Ruby sale attendee. Oh, okay. We waited for three hours and I spent $9 on jewellery and made a $20 donation to Cyclone Relief.

Never again. Yeah, no, don't bother. Never again. I waited for three hours and I spent $9 on jewellery and made a $20 donation to Cyclone Relief. Never again. Yeah, no. Don't bother. Never again. Back in the 80s in New Plymouth, we used to queue for six hours outside the YMCA on a Saturday for tickets to a home basketball game. Jesus, there was nothing to do in that place. Excuse me, Vaughan.

There was a lot to do. We're going down for a weekend soon to see how you perform. I'm not lining up outside the YMCA for six, seven hours. Yeah, I know, but the thing you're going down to see has come perform comedy. I'm not lining up outside the YMCA for six, seven hours. Yeah, I know, but the thing you're going down to see has come down from Auckland. It wasn't already there. Yeah. They've had to import their entertainment. They've had to import entertainment. Exactly.

There's nothing else to do. We said the other day, where are we going to go for dinner or where are we going to go for a good bar? And you're like, oh, God, there aren't any. It had that good place and they didn't go there and it shut down. What was that place? No, there's lots of good places. We used to love that place.

They did the cheeseburger spring rolls. The cheeseburger spring rolls. Yeah, but I don't know what that is now. It's an insane place. And we went there once. It was lovely. Next time we went there, it was shut down because people in New Plymouth were like, what do you mean you ain't got no taters?

What do you mean you ain't got no taters? That's not what happened. I like meat. I like taters. Oh, my God. Are you from New Plymouth? I'm from New Plymouth. I'm on my way in. I will taters. Oh, my God. Are you from New Plymouth? I'm from New Plymouth. I made my way in Bellblow.

I will not hear a bad word. I made my way in on my horse from Bellblow. And I came to this place to eat bird spring roll. You're not going to be allowed meat and taters. You're not going to be allowed. And if you keep this up, they won't let you pass the airport. It would be their honor. What is this? What is this

D in taste? What is a D in taste? They look after your teeth. What are teeth? I don't know. Things that are in most people's mouths. Okay, you are not going to be allowed to eat a bag of your teeth. I don't need no teeth. Eat my mate, taters. Sound like you need teeth eating them fancy cheeseburgers.

Okay, you're in trouble. And Bev's not going to be happy. Oh, Bev's not going to be happy. She's not going to be happy that you're bad mouthing New Plymouth. Good morning, New Plymouth. Play ZM's Fletch Vaughan and Hayley. Play ZM. Now, there is a new app on the market called OneSec.

And when I first was reading about this, I thought, oh, that's quite a simple concept. But there's a lot more to it. Okay. So one sec is they're claiming that they're there to add friction between you and your phone. Now this is, I guess they're going in the anti sort of Zuckerberg thing because Mark Zuckerberg's always talked

about removing friction, making everything on your social media easy. So that it hooks you in and you're just constantly looking. Once you're in, it's hard to get out. Flow from app to app. Exactly. Whereas OneSec,

it is an app that you can download to your phone, enable it on certain apps that you would use. Excuse me. So like you put it on maybe your Facebook, your Instagram,

your TikTok, the things that just suck your time out of you. Because we know the research on doom scrolling on your phone for ages. It ruins your productivity. It leads to you being less active in your life.

Your attention span. Your attention span gets shorter. So what the app does is you put it on and you would put the app so you want it to work too. Then when your brain goes, I'm going to open TikTok for a little bit, I'm going to be, I'm Vaughan Smith and I'm going to give myself a five-minute little TikTok live. Yeah, yeah, stroll through some TikTok lives.

It's not five minutes though, is it? How much time passes? It would probably be more to 10. More to 10, but for some people that's going to turn into an hour. I watched somebody working in a production line of meat processing on TikTok Live. And they just had their phone open. And they were just streaming them

if you've ever wondered how to get the guts out of a chook. It was a very quick process with a specifically designed chook. So they're hanging by the legs. I don't know. We just buy it at the supermarket or in a burger and it's done. It's a chick. I buy chicken the meat not the legs. I don't know. No, no, no. I think we're good. We just buy it at the supermarket or in a burger

and it's done. Right. It's a chick. I buy chicken the meat not the animal. Okay, gotcha. So it gives you a delay. Now it's called One Sec

but you can set the length of delay. So say I click Instagram it's open immediately and it's advertising me clothes and now I'm going to buy them

and now I'm going to be just shopping for hours and blah, blah, blah. Instead, when you open it it'll have a slight delay giving your brain time to process whether or not I'm really wanting to go on this website. Because the immediacy of phones these days, it's just dopamine. We're just like, oh, I want more. It's just dopamine hit, dopamine hit, dopamine hit. That's how you get addicted to social media whereas it's trying to give you

a little bit more sort of consciousness and awareness of your scrolling by delaying the opening of the app by delaying the opening of an app

and apparently that's enough one second isn't enough no you can set it to like six seconds that would be enough because you're going like I want to scratch

that'd be good I want to scratch the itch and I tap it and I think sometimes you just literally go between them without even thinking. You're like Facebook, done, Instagram, back to Facebook,

TikTok, bouncing around. Then the other thing that it does, it's sort of like it gives you, it's allowing you to have a second thought. Your first thought, I want it, you click it, and then it doesn't happen. And then you can have a second thought. Do I want to be spending time here?

Then you can set another little timer that once it's clocked your desired time that you set, say five minutes, like I'm going to allow myself five minutes on Instagram, it'll send you another message asking you if you are still really following your intention. Are you still wanting to be here? Are you still setting your own guidelines? So you can have focus, and then you can also like say we're at work or you're trying to study or something,

you can have a focus session, which I guess is kind of like the at work settings where no matter what you do, you set it, you cannot open those apps during that focus session. Oh, wow. So say you're trying to study or performing open heart surgery, you cannot open those apps during that focus session. Oh, wow. So say you're trying to study or performing open heart surgery. Yeah.

You cannot open those apps. That's why I want to just like to see what's happening on Instagram though. It's so hard being in the middle of it because open heart surgery takes me so long. Yeah. I'll just open up the app. Some reels. Yeah. You know, what I'm missing.

I can do open heart surgery with one hand now. I've done so many. Right. Yeah. I can probably scroll with the other. Yeah, totally. I had to say nurse scroll for me and I've done so many. Yeah, I can probably scroll with the other. I had to say nurse, scroll for me

and she holds the phone up and she scrolls for me. This is non-spawn, by the way. Let it be clear. I think she thinks this app is amazing because then it gives you

healthy alternatives. So if you have like, I can't open it. When your mum's like, when you're like, I'm hungry and your mum's like, there's fruit in the bowl.

Plenty of water in the tap. Oh my God, shut your mouth. No, but it's got, you can fruit in the bowl. Plenty of water in the tap. Yeah. Oh my God. Shut your mouth. No, but it's got, you can, it gives you healthy alternatives. So you can meditate.

You can play like a little table tennis on your phone. You can do some stretching, go drink some water. And the stats on this, even though it's quite fresh and new, 57% drop in, in the app usage of the, you know,

or you could just delete social media if you find, I think Billie Eilish has just done that. She's like, I've deleted it all. She's told everyone about it. Via social media. Via social media, exactly. Billie Eilish just did that thing that annoying attention seeker do when they're like, if you're seeing this, you've survived the cut.

You've made the cut. I've decided to get rid of some of my Facebook friends. You're a true friend if you're saying this. And you look and they've still got like 1,900 friends. Yeah. And when I see that, I'm like, I wish I didn't make the cut. Yeah, I shouldn't have made the cut. Because you've done this.

Play. ZM's Fletch Vaughan and Hayley. The cut. I've never heard of this. They've got quite a few interesting articles. Put the bookmark this page, bookmark this page. It's a deep well of content. Easy peasy.

Fashion, beauty, politics, sex and celebrity. All of it. They've got 140 rules to modern etiquette post-COVID and we'll be going through every single one of them painstakingly. We do not have time to go through 140. I just want to read out 140. This kind of gives you this. This is 140. I just want to read out 140. This kind of gives you this 140. You mean number 140.

Number 140. Don't post RIPs for celebrities. Why? One of the most moronic, only the most moronic among us post photos of famous people seconds after they die. It's not a form of respect for the dead, but an attempt to sycophantly associate yourself with the famous.

Wow. Oh, I don't know who David Crosby, Keith McNally is, but an attempt to sycophantly associate yourself with the famous. Wow. Oh, I don't know who David Crosby, Keith McNally is, but I like him. Yeah. There's lots of good ones in here. I mean, I would never judge anyone for doing it, but I sort of also see that side. Unless, of course, yeah. Yeah, that's what he said, if the famous person's your uncle.

If someone's baby is crying in public, you don't need to stare at them. They know their baby's crying. What about, is there anything there for shushing the crying baby? No shushing the crying baby. Because that's Fletch. Fletch likes to shush a crying baby. Well, you're just meant to put that thing in, aren't you? What, they never put the thing in? Pacifier.

Yeah. Why don't they put the thing in? Everybody wants a pacifier. Sometimes they spit it out. They don't want it. Rule 104, if you're in the office, you're wearing shoes. We're all wearing sandals today. You've got bare feet.

Which is currently going straight bare feet. Well, my burks are down there, but I'm barefoot at the moment. This is how we were born, you know. It's just natural. We're just ground. We're earthing. Yeah, I'm earthing. There are three things never to gossip about at work.

Here we go. One, someone crying. Two, someone getting yelled at. Or three, a private phone call you ever heard. Those are my three things. I would always gossip about those. Did you see so-and-so crying after so-and- someone getting yelled at. Or three, a private phone call you overheard. Those are my three favorite. Oh, I want to know if someone's crying. Did you see someone crying after someone got yelled at them for taking a private phone call at work that I overheard?

Oh, that's a trifecta. But it was number 10 that kind of grabbed a lot of people's interest. Straight people can use the word partner only when they're trying to get something out of it. So if you're trying to be annoyingly vague, you might say, this is my partner. And you introduce them as your partner. So people are like,

she's unsure as to what the future holds for them because she's saying partner. It's a very ambiguous term. What are you supposed to say? Because I call Aaron my boyfriend. He's your fiancé. Yeah, but fiancé is such an embarrassing word. No, but some people love it. You know, as soon as they get in cash, they're like, my fiancé, my fiancé, my fiancé.

Aaron either calls me his girlfriend or he just calls me his wife. Like if we're dealing with someone... Well, the law, you're as good as married. Yeah, exactly. But if we're dealing with someone like a supplier or a builder or something, he'll often say like, oh, I'll ask my wife.

And I say, don't say that. You haven't earned her. I say, I'll ask my wife. And I say, don't say that. You haven't earned it. I say, I'll ask the boss. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's what I say. Yeah, I like that. You'll have to ask the boss. I'll ask Erindors.

Erindors. That's very British. Erindors. The tradies call me the boss. The boss. Better check with the boss. Yeah, always check with the boss. I'll come out and they'll be like,

he's got to run something past the boss and I'll stop it. So you shouldn't use partner if you're straight. Unless you're trying to get something straight, people can use the word partner only when you're trying to get something out of it. Something that gays get. Is that what you mean?

The straight people, I want something that gay people have, so I'm going to use partner. But it is weird when you hear something like my partner and you're like, are they gay? Are they gay? Yes. And you're just like,

they don't want to say boyfriend. Oh, because my partner went here and you're like, and are they? Wielding a penis? Or what are we rocking with here? What have we got? Situationally there. So anyway, there's lots of great rules. Rerandom 45.

White people should clearly pronounce 50 cent. He's not fitty to you. Clay, Zed M's, Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley. 45. White people should clearly pronounce 50 Cent. He's not fitty to you. Clay, Zed Eames, Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley. Now apparently people with mullets are more free spirited. I guess because it's a bit of a risque haircut, a bit of a sort of a wild look. And it was so,

it went out of date so quickly, right? People were like, oh my God, you can't have a mullet. And then they went through a period where they were like the worst haircut ever and now everything that's ugly is back in fashion. This is what I know about fashion. Everything that was once ugly is now back in fashion.

And mullets in the last couple of years have been the go-to. The go-to. Yeah. Because there was the 2010s, there was the faux hawk and the little tight little mullet. Yeah, little tight mullet. The little tight, well-kept little mullet. But these are like flowing. Big shaggy waggies.

Flowing 80s shwag. And you're thinking about, you're seriously thinkingpt little mullet. But these are like flowing 80s swag. And you're thinking about, you're seriously thinking about a mullet? I mean, you're free spirited. I'm free spirited. This you know about me. I'm a wild rogue wolf crawling through town. But I'm going to cut a lot of my hair off and I'm going to change the colour of it soon. As soon as Nashville's out of the way because I need long hair for my hat, my marching hat.

Right. As soon as it's out of the way, I'm going to chop a lot of it off. And then reading this, I was like, maybe I'll get a little mullet to express my free spirit. But both of you immediately screwed up your faces. What about like... What kind of mullet are you picturing? Are you picturing like a...

Like a shaggy waggy. Like I'm going to be a cool little... Like a full-blown... Because the... Oh my God. The person from Game of Thrones that played grown-up Targaryen in the House of Dragons. Oh, yes.

They rock a Spagliato. What about like a get a real life? That's what theirs is like. Yeah. Yeah. And I think a lot of people have been questioning my sexuality recently. So I think this makes things quite clear. Well, you keep saying on air that you've been dabbling

and you've been having a hoon. Yeah, I know. I'm sick of answering the questions, so I'll just get a mule. Get a mullet. I think this is going to suit me. What about TVNZ? Because you host the Great Kiwi Cooking Show.

Yeah, that's soon. No, it's the Great Kiwi Cake and Biscuit Show. Yeah, the Great Kiwi Bake Off. Baking Off. Yeah. Do they let you have a mullet? Yeah, you can have a mullet in the kitchen.

I don't let Wendy Petrie get a mullet. No, Wendy Petrie's not allowed a mullet. She would look great with a mullet. Naturally, very curly. Yes.

Well, here's the challenge. If Wendy does it, I'll do it. And if Hillary gets on board as well, the women of TVNZ all rocking a mullet. Who would have thought? Play. ZM's Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley.

And another message said, Vaughn, I found you in the forest for a radio competition and then you kissed me in my dream last night. And then you giggled like a little boy. I was very disappointed in you. How could you do that to Shade? Also, I'm a lesbian and I have a wife now. So many layers. We've got a lot to process here.

But another just said, you are an ally. I do cause a lot to process here. But another just that you are an ally. I do cause a lot of confusion. You do. Everybody. People could be straights, guys. Lesbians from the day they were born. They see you and they're like, hang on. I am.

Wait a minute. Like devout religious people are like, what is this weird stirring in my pants? It's because of his lady legs. It's the lady legs. It's your lady legs. Diversely handsome. You do have face.'s because of his lady legs. It's the lady legs. It's your lady legs. He's divishly handsome. You do have face. Thin, slender legs.

It's beautiful. Thank you. Carry me around. Maybe that's how we should have done the Taylor Swift giveaway. Find you in a forest and kiss you. No, I think I kissed them and then giggled like a little boy. Oh, okay, right. Goodness me.

But I hope this wasn't without consent. In a forest? Not me. Wow. Okay, well, there's no forest needed to win this Taylor Swift. No forestry tracks. Just go to CDM online to register. I would like to know what kind of forest we were in.

Were we in sort of a planted out pine forest or a native? I'm thinking like a British forest, like an old medieval. Like a Robin Hood. Yes, that's where I go. Nottingham Forest. Yeah, I'm not thinking native bush. It was a redwood forest. A redwood. Oh, lovely. It's forest. Yeah, I'm not thinking native bush. It was a redwood forest. A redwood.

Oh, lovely. In Orotua. Yeah. What was that? So they planted them there because they thought it would grow quick. But it grew too quick. It was too weak. It'd be halfway through a kiss and a bloody mountain bike would whiz past.

Yeah. Watch out! Don't get off the track! Get you right in the little lady shins. They go so fast. Yeah, they do. Slow down! Hey, I've got to bring you a story that may be unpleasant to some.

There is a woman who has admitted that she's addicted to eating toilet paper, saying she can get through around 75 single sheets a day. Is that a roll? How much is in a standard roll? A hundred. How many little squares in a roll? So she's eating... Sheets per roll. Half a roll or a whole roll? A hundred. How many little squares in a roll? So she's eating... Sheets per roll.

Half a roll or a whole roll of toilet paper a day. Yep. She says it's like crack to her. She's just addicted. She loves it. It's not a pregnancy craving. No, no, no. She's not preggo.

This is just every day. Single rolls usually fall around the 150 sheets per roll. So half a roll a day. Oh, babe. Long roll? She's been doing this almost every day for 23 years. Why would you admit this? She's 34 years old munching on loo roll.

You've got away with it for how many? 20 whatever years. 23 years. You can't admit it now. Is it like, is she skinny? Does it have a photo? Yeah. Do we have a photo and a name for this person

or is this another situation of someone just making something up? No, no. There's a photo of her eating the loo roll. Oh, num-nums. They did a little doco series on her. It'd be like cotton candy kind of melt in your mouth a little bit. Yeah, that's what she said. She loves the feeling of it on her tongue,

how it dissolves when it hits the tongue. She craves it. Does she crack a bit of sea salt? No, no, just plain straight off the roll. That's good. How would you flavour your toilet roll? Well, I would probably lay out my roll on like a baking tray or like an oven dish, sprinkle flavouring on it, like wet, and then dry it.

Okay, now we're talking chips. And then when I ate it, it would be like a chip. It would crisp. Would you shallow fry the toilet roll? I'd probably just let it dry in the sun. But then would it stick to the bottom? It would stick to the bottom. I'd get baking paper.

But then, yeah, you wouldn't eat the baking paper. I'd get baking paper. But then, yeah, you wouldn't eat the baking paper. That's waxy. That's hard. That's a real hard chew. I would do like a fresh summer roll, like a Vietnamese type thing. Oh, so you're eating something

with your... Yeah, yeah. I would go like vermicelli noodle, cucumber carrot, bit of chicken, bit of nook mum dipping sauce, but instead of the rice paper,

I'm going toilet paper in the rice. You have to get that nook mum in the mouth but instead of the rice paper, I'm going toilet paper in the rice. You have to get that nook mum in the mouth quick because the paper will fall. You'll lose the paper in the dip. Dip in, dip in. Yeah. Yeah, she says sometimes it is hard to go to the bathroom.

Well, you've got to snack right then. Especially if she's had a little too much. But that's the same with anything, isn't it? A little too much food sometimes makes things a bit hard. Do you think she's filling up on toilet paper that she wouldn't eat other foods? Surely. Mum, can I have a roll of toilet paper?

No, dinner will be ready soon. I know, you know when your partner says to you, we'll get chicken and rolls for dinner? Yeah. I didn't think it was this. No. I might have some rolls. Be like, oh, I could go a roll.

I really went to rolls too. Always. I bloody love a roll. Love the ones with bacon on top. No, no, no. I'm talking toilet rolls. Be like, oh, I could go roll. I really go into rolls too. Always. I bloody love a roll. Love the ones with bacon on top. No, no, no. I'm talking toilet paper. Wow. Now, I don't know.

This is almost a contender for impossible phoner. Yes. It should be. It should be. I want to know if anyone out there eats a non-food item. Well, you always hear of the pregnancy cravings. Is it like dishwashing powder and stuff? We talked once about pregnancy cravings and it was wild.

Like dirt. People eat dirt. A little bit of dirt. Yes, dirt. A little bit of dirt. A little bit of dirt. So will you take... Chewing on chalk?

Just makes my mouth go... That made me feel unwell. Will you take calls from people that have eaten non-food items in pregnancy? Yeah, absolutely I will. Or if you're given something a go. I mean, we all ate a bit of paper when we were kids. Do you remember chewing on some paper and seeing how quickly you could get it down? A sheet of paper?

There's always that one kid. A sheet of paper. The one kid is like, I'm going to eat this sheet of paper, and they just eat it. You won't ever chew paper to get into a little ball, and then you go. Yeah, make a pea shooter. Spitball it. A wad. A wad.

That was good. We are asking if you eat non-food items. There's a woman who's admitted she's basically addicted to eating toilet paper. And has for like, what, 20 years? 23 years. Wow. Half a roll a day. Half a roll a day.

I don't expect to beat that, and nor do I desire to. But we want to know if you have eaten or if you do regularly eat a non-food item. Now, we've ruled boogies off the table because I don't want to hear about it. No. Vaughan, what are people eating? This one has been in more than once. Okay.

I used to eat the heads off matches that had been used. What? Yeah. So people strike a match and then when it cools down you scrape it off

and chew the end of the match. Wouldn't that be toxic? Because what is that? Like a... What is the red bit? It's got to be flammable. Safety matches.

Yeah, and a couple of people have messaged it in. The top of the matches. It smells good. I'll huff it. I'll huff the tip. The head of safety matches are made of an oxidizing agent such as a potassium chlorate mixed with sulfur fillers and glass powder.

Sulfur's a weird one. People get a bit hummy, hummy, hummy, about sulfur, don't they? Yeah. Like the smell and people will have a little lick.

Yeah, but have a boiled egg or something if you want some sulfur because that smells like, I don't know, but it smells like, rotten egg. It smells like,

yeah. Egg rotten. Somebody said, I had big pregnancy cravings. The biggest one was chewing leather handbags. Chewing on a leather handbag? Chewing and sucking on a leather handbag.

Jeff, you are a matches eater. That is correct, yes. You will eat the top of an expired match. Yeah, well, if they hadn't made them so sweet and tasty, then obviously I wouldn't eat them. What? What do you mean they're sweet and tasty? What do they taste like?

Sort of like candy floss. Now I would have a little suck on a match. Have you got matches? We're a lighter. I would have thought they would be smoky. Even though you just heard me, Jeff, read out the list of what is in a

match head. Class power. Probably how I wouldn't do it. Just listening to that. It's just like, might as well be smoking meth if I'm eating bloody match sticks, aren't I?

No, no, no. I'm pretty sure it's not as bad as meth. I disagree. We're not here this morning to encourage meth. No, certainly not. No, no, no.

Yeah, that doesn't... But you're saying they've got a sweet taste. Yeah, yeah. Well, you obviously have to have them warm. Obviously, even cold, you'd just be a heathen. Yeah.

But no, no, just... Although it's a little bit tough now to source good magic. Oh, really? Well, you've got a brand. You've got a brand of choice. The Beehive or Beehive Bird? Both of the ones, yeah. Yeah, okay.

Tasty. Homegrown, aren't they? Amazing. I'm going beehive. I've got a beehive one. They were the ones, yeah. Yeah, okay. I'm growing, aren't I? Amazing. I'm going to try it. I'm going to try it. Somebody else, now we're hearing from everybody. You've got to, there's a team of people out there that eat the heads of matches. Are you kidding me? You know, times are tough.

Times are tough. Yeah, right? Eat matches. Sweet treat, sweet treat. Sweet treat. Oh, my God. Like a little lolly. That's so bizarre.

Thank you, Jeff, for sharing it, opening up to the nation. Yeah, we're not just in here. Natalia, this is your husband's friend. What does he eat that's not food? A non-food item. He eats like a stick off a tree. This is a big type of tree. I can't remember which one, but the stick had to be of a certain consistency

that the size of his thumb, but about a foot long, he'd snap it off. And he'd be eating a certain consistency that the size of his thumb, but about a foot long, he'd snap it off. Yeah. And he'd be eating a stick all day. And every day he had a stick in his mouth. Now chewing on it or consuming it? No, he chews it and eats it

and just like strips it down and eats it, consumes it. What? What kind of tree? I can't remember the tree, honestly. No, I want to chew the tree. But it's got to be this certain type of tree? I can't remember the tree, honestly. No, I want to chew the tree. But it's got to be this certain type of tree. Yeah, certain type of tree.

He just loves the flavour of the branch. Oh, my God, that's so weird. I mean, here we are saying, oh, my gosh, I've never tried it. I did actually, out of curiosity, try it. It was really unusual, and I handed it back to him. He was like, here you go. Oh, yuck. And he's like, oh, I can't.

She's like sharing a lollipop. I can't wait for this. What do you think? These bloody snacks are on trees? They do. They do, mate. Natalia, thank you. Theo, what is the non-food item that your wife eats?

Bed sponge. What? Bed sponge. What? Bed sponge? Yeah, the old tar style sponge beds. She used to eat the sponge out of the inside of her bed. Oh, my goodness. She ate the squab. She was eating the squab. Getting a gobble on a squabble.

Yep. Guess what? The outsides of the beds were in perfect condition, so you could still make the bed and wouldn't notice it, but because, yeah, I used to, every now and again, too late to walk home, so I'll sleep over, and then I'll lay in her bed, and, yeah, you've got, like, this one side to lay on,

and the other side of the bed, if you move over, dunk. What is this? She's eating it. Does she still do this, or have you weaned her off? No, no No, no, no It was four years

While we were dating And I think she She grew up And part of it It was an iron deficiency Apparently But Yeah

So now she just Tastes like a multivitamin The body craves something Yeah That's what the Doctors and stuff say about it. Often it's what you're craving and you don't even know you're craving it. Yeah, that's why it comes with pregnancies because your body is all needing more, right?

So you eat all these weird things. But you wouldn't want to put your credit card down on a hotel room. She could start eating the bed. Well, no. Just imagine coming over and you're laying there and you go, hold on, this is a new spot. And you pull up the mattress and you pull up the bedspread and you go, oh, yeah, that's a brand new spot over there.

She's been munching it. She's been munching. Munching on the mattress. Theo, thank you for sharing. More text messages in the non-food items that people are eating. First pregnancy, I ate a little bit of coal. Oh, yeah. And second pregnancy, it was newspaper.

Wow, okay. Wow. Someone said, I had a pregnancy craving for smelling a musty wardrobe. Now, if there was a taste associated, I would have eaten it, but I could never quite work out

what to eat to get that, the taste of the musties. What's he just sit in a damp wardrobe just like... I eat deep fried grass. What? Sorry, what's happening? That's all it says. I eat deep fried grass.

But that's actually sort of processing the food. Would you have to get the lawn clippings and put a bit of egg in batter? Because otherwise... Well, they're not battering the food. Would you have to get the lawn clippings and put a bit of egg in batter? Because otherwise we're not battering the grass. I just think it's deep fried, so they might just be taking the blade of grass and dipping it into the hot water. What? Wow. That is wild.

But again, I haven't tried it. I'll eat a deep fried anything, to be fair. Deep fried grass, though? Yeah, why not? Earthy? People put those grass shots in their juices and all that. Yeah, that be fair. Deep-fried grass, though? Yeah, why not? Earthy? Give it a go. People put those grass shots in their juices and all that. Yeah, that's true.

With that real... That is mother nature. Play. ZDM's Fletch Vaughan and Hayley. Fact of the day, day, day, day, day. Yeah. It's about the Swahili clock. I'm just creating a chaos. This is what the woke left have awakened. Chaos energy. This is what the woke left have awakened.

Don't talk over me. I'm a woman. Exactly. Now I will allow you to talk. For that I am thankful. Amen. In Kenya and other Swahili-speaking countries, the clock is upside down.

What? The clock is upside down.? The clock is upside down You're always tickled by this fact, isn't it? The 12's at the bottom, the 6 is at the top 12 is where our 6 is, 1 is where our 7 is So the 6 looks like a 9 No, no They're not upside down

They can turn them around They've not just turned the whole clock upside down Oh, okay, I thought they turned the whole clock upside down No, no, they've just moved the numbers Opposite to where they normally are And because they're so close to the equator The sun pretty much Rises at the same time year round

Oh yeah And that is what is known as the start of the day Or 12 o'clock But it's 6 o'clock Why are they doing this? It's confusing So it's all based offclock. Our 6 o'clock is their 12 o'clock. That's confusing. So it's all based off the sunrise and the sunset, the time.

Which I kind of dig. Because it's consistent for them. So they can be like 12 o'clock is sunrise and 12 o'clock is sunset. Now you've got 12 hours of sunlight there to do your thing. So I'll meet you at work

at 2 o'clock. But you can't just change the clock. That's 8 o'clock in the morning. What are we using the clock? You can't just change it. I thought this was a global decision. We can't change the clock. It won't work for us because of how different our sunrise and sunsets are in our winter and summer months.

Yeah, okay. It works for them very well because of the fact that the sun rises almost at the same time year round. Very little change. But then why can't it just rise at 6 or 7am? Because they have always done time based off the clock. Off the sunset, right.

So when they came to doing a clock, they're like, well, we've already got a way of doing this, so we might just carry on. Where is this? Kenya.

Kenya. Another Swahili-speaking country. What if I was in Kenya and I saw a hot person and I was like, oh my God, guys, 12 o'clock, 12 o'clock and they're all looking around. No, no, no, 12 o'clock.

They'd be looking behind themselves. Dude, listen 12 o'clock, you've missed them. Because they're directly behind it. You've missed them, they were beautiful. Yeah, I think you just have to point to hot people in Kenya. Yeah. Look at that hot person. Yeah, look at them. Yeah. So 6am is what they call 12 at dawn.

Oh my god, this hurts my brain. 7am, 1 12 at dawn. Oh, my God. 7 a.m., 1 in the morning. So 7 a.m. is 1 in the morning because it's morning. You're one hour into the morning. Oh, my God. And then the whole time the clock's upside down. I can't deal with this. I mean, I sort of get it.

Why are we basing our life around 7? You know, a lot of people, the day starts at 7. The day starts at 7. Because of 7 sharp. Because of the show 7 sharp. Because of Hilary Bowery and Jeremy Wells. Yeah. Hilary Bowery is...

Yeah. She's sunset. She's sunset. She's our sunset. We're just getting closer to sunset. Yeah. The sun is starting to set. When do we run out of daylight savings?

It'll be soon. It'll be Easter. Oh, man. It's been getting darker earlier. Yeah, it has been getting a little darker. It has been already. And the mornings are far darker as well. But, I mean, thankfully we had such an amazing summer.

I'm okay to slip into winter. Unmitigated sunset. Sunday, April the 2nd. So we have three weekends left. Yeah, I know. Great, just like that. I would like to announce my retirement from radio. I'm moving to Spain.

I'm going to have beautiful sunshine. Spain won't. Oh, okay. I thought you got confused Spain don't do this clock They do the traditional one So today's fact of the day is If you go to Kenya all the clocks look upside down Fact of the day

Day day day day Indy's birthday Delayed somewhat But she got to have her party And she went to go to Rambo's Inn With some friends and chums That's cool man That's so cool So we took this bunch of

10 and 11 year old girls To Rambo's Inn It's quite high pitched I imagine It's quite high-pitched. I imagine. It's quite high-pitched. There was one part where they're on the bumper boats and I said to shut up. It literally sounds like seagulls at the dump.

It was just like... Oh, God. How did you do that? Airplug? Did you have airplugs? No, I didn't. Oh, God. No, because then you've got to look out for when that ah turns to ah.

Yeah, that one. Something's happened. Slightly more distressed seagull. That still sounds like a seagull. I am. I'm going to be vulnerable here. Oh, okay. I'm going to open up.

Did your pants come off? I packed a spare pair of undies. What? Just in case you. Just in case. Get yourself. No, it was more of a I didn't want to have a little wee. What?

What are you, like, 18 and incontinent? Why not? What if you were like... Because the lines, if the lines are long and you start a knee to go and you're in the line and you're like, ooh, I'm busting, but I'm in the line and then there's like a ride, a drop or a flip or a whoop, whoop, whoop, and there's a bang

or a hard brake and you're just like, ooh, and you squeeze down just a little bit of wood and it all comes out. Especially that drop. Because you don't know when it's going to drop. So if you were just in a moment of and you're just like, ooh, and you squeeze down just a little bit of wood and it comes out. Especially that drop. Because you don't know when it's going to drop. So if you were just in a moment of relaxing the ureth. You've been on theme parks. No, I know.

And I didn't need them. But he's older now. I'm 41. Maybe I've got a pack of spit burners. Oh my God. I know you've been vulnerable, but what the hell? And I didn't want to get wet on the log flume and have to walk around in wet undies. So as it was when we got up there.

Oh, how embarrassing for August. Oh, my God. Your dad smells like wheeze. Oh, my God. Your dad's here and he smells like wheeze. Oh, my God. He's got a wheeze patch on his shorts and he thinks it's going to dry by just walking around the park. Do you want to go and dry it under the hand?

And that's not even the embarrassing thing that happened. What? Just quickly on the log flume, because I was the leftover. I was like a loner, and I was like, oh, where do I sit in the log flume to not get wet? Oh, yeah. To the guy, and he's like, there. So in the front half, but at the back of the front half, I was like, he's lying to me, because I'm going to come down that thing at the end, and the wood is going to come up over the top. I came down the thing at the end, not a drop.

So if you go on the log flume by yourself because you're the leftover and you don't want to get wet, front half, butt at the back. Yeah, the key to the log flume is taking a tarpaulin. You've got to whip it out. You whip it out at the top. Tarp yourself. You tarp yourself and you hold on. Cut a couple of holes so you can still see the excitement.

You want to see the excitement. No, you don't cut holes because then the water gets can still see the excitement. You want to see the excitement. No, you don't cut holes because then the water gets in. No, but you've got to see the whole ride. Yeah, no, you do it blind. Live a little. Because what's the story of the log flume? You've got the gold mine, gold rush one, but the log flume, what's in the tunnel?

So they've changed it because remember there was a fire there. Yes, it was. So they changed it and now the theme, you start off, there's some dinosaurs. Oh, yeah. And then there's a unicorn and a dragon. Right. Hang on, where are we? I don't know.

What's the story? Because then you come around the corner and there's some pirates. And they're like, watch out because the goblins have stolen our gold. They're in that cave. And then you go into the cave and then it's a bit more gobliny. Or like little gnome situation. And then there's one guy sitting on a big pile of gold and then he's like, you looked at my gold.

And then he shoots you out the finger. I'm still unclear on the story that they're telling. They're waving a lot. And goblins are very creepy. I'm going to have to get the tarp out earlier. On the new log flume, on the renovated log flume. As soon as you sit in this one, you're like, flip, out comes the blue tarp.

And you're sitting there, you're like, I can hear the water and I'm enjoying the movement, but that's all, I don't want to see a goblin. No. So it was after the log flume, there's this viewing part where you can go around and you can stand as a group and you're like, watch the log flume and stuff because they wanted to see what was happening. And we walked around there

and then I was like, alright, well we watched for a bit. And then I was like, alright, well let's go on to the next one, let's get in line for what was happening. And we walked around there and then I was like, all right, well, we watched for a bit. And then I was like, all right, well, let's go on to the next one. Let's get in line for the next thing. And we moved away and one of the girls didn't move. She didn't hear us. So I was like, hey, and I grabbed her shoulder and I was like, it's time to go.

She wasn't with us. Oh, boy. She was an elderly Asian lady. So the reason I mention she's Asian Is because English None Oh no And I spin her and start like walking her Like she's a 10 year old

I hear like come on And you're going Speaking She doesn't know what's happening Because it's in a foreign language And then she kind of like Struggles and I turn on I kind of turn her and look

And I'm like I'm so sorry I thought you were one of these children. I don't understand you. It's weird. Exactly. She had no idea what I was saying. And then she turned around and like shuffled back to her family real quick.

And I was like, I'm so sorry. I thought she was with us. You grabbed her. Come on. I'm so sorry. I thought she was a 10-year-old girl. This tiny old lady of yours was a 10-year-old girl. There's no win here for you.

There's no way out of this. No. So I was like, come on. God, now that woman's going to be talking about how strange the bloody white men are in this land. They just grab you and say you're coming with us. Bark a whole lot of weird English at you and then return you to your family

after putting the shits up you. So, yeah, successful trip. It sounds like. The the biggest apartment the tallest apartment building in New Zealand. Yeah.

The Pacifica. The Pacifica. My father-in-law lives in there somewhere. Right in downtown. I won't tell you where you'll have to find him. It's huge. How father-in-law lives in there somewhere. Right in downtown. I won't tell you where. You'll have to find him.

It's huge. Like how many levels? Like 50 something stories? Yeah. 57 level luxury apartment. The other day, didn't we? We stood under it and I was like, it's so tall. It's one of those things that's so tall when you look up at it and the clouds are passing it kind of throws you off balance.

Like sometimes the top bit of the building is covered in clouds. That's how tall it is. Okay. So this became a problem because apparently multiple residents had reported a buzzing sound that had been happening for hours a day. Now, it's turned out this is something. Hours a day. Hours and hours and hours a day. Like, you know, when you hear a noise and you can't unhear a noise, like a tick or a drip. Oh, yeah.

And living in an apartment building, you know, you do hear people above you. And if someone is doing renos, it does kind of vibrate through the whole building. And repetitive sounds, as you say, is just the worst. You can't escape it. So it turns out somebody in the apartment was angry at their neighbours upstairs so purchased a device apparently originally created in China for this very purpose where you put it against the roof

and you use an extendable metal rod to push it in tight in a gap. Like in this situation, it was in a window. Yeah. Tight. And then the thing at the top vibrates. Oh my god And so because it's on the frame of the building It would be vibrating

It vibrates around Oh my god It would just resonate through the metal That's not what I thought it would sound like I thought it would be more like a vibrating Like a phone vibrating Like a phone vibrating Or like anything

What the hell? So apparently 25 residents reported hearing it in the high rise. Right. And they thought it was electrical or mechanical issue or someone was like getting Renaults done. Yeah. And they couldn't sleep. They just wouldn't go in certain parts of their apartment.

And apparently when it came down to it, it was somebody who was a resident in there had done it because their upstairs neighbours were too loud. So it was their revenge and they'd just flick it on when they left the apartment for the day. But that's like a brand new apartment.

You can hear your neighbours like walking. Look, I don't want to point the finger. I think my father-in-law might be responsible. He does love a karaoke. He has a karaoke machine that is also capable of recording. Yeah. And he's constantly recording new songs.

Yeah. Upwards of 400 last time I asked him for a number. Wow. It's a hell of a catalogue. So someone might be doing this to him. Yes, because they're sick of hearing whatever song he's decided to record.

But then your neighbour's just going to retaliate at you. It's not... I know. It's not a good idea. You can't do it. You can't do that. You're just going to startate at you. It's not... I know. It's not a good idea. You can't do it. You can't do that. You can't start a war.

It's also affecting everybody around, not just the person that you're annoyed at. So they managed to find the device, apparently. But have they, like, what happened to the person? The humming noise has now been eliminated by building management. Thank you for your continued patience and understanding. We hope this brings your routine back to normal operation. Reach out for any further issues.

I would be ropeable if I was a neighbour. I would be like, you are out of this building. Surely these things are illegal because they serve no other purpose, right? Other than to annoy people and disrupt the peace.

You'd think, they'll probably make a change to the body corp laws. Maybe. If you used one of these, you'd be out. Can't be having it. You know the funnest thing

about an apartment building? What? The rubber shoot. Oh, cool. I love when you're in America and you see a photo like a rubber shoot. I'm going to slide down one.

This one's just straight down. Oh, okay. You just open the thing and put the bag in and drop it and then just listen and it goes. Is there a couple of tinks

on the way down? Tink, tink, tink. Yeah. Oh, but now all the bags are made out of cornstarch. They'll explode halfway down. Dude, they are totally blowing to bits halfway down. Oh, another podcast in the bag. The plastic bag.

Are they back? No, no, still banned. Okay. They never left. No, sorry. That's where you come in with the line, Gordon. Boy, man, if you enjoyed that. Okay. Ooh, and if you enjoyed that. Okay.

Oh, and if you enjoyed it, give us a rating and a review and be sure to tell all of your friends. God, I need some sleep. Yeah. ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley.