ZM's Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley - Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley Podcast - 7th January 2023

Episode Date: January 6, 2023

Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley's Childhood ConfessionsSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

The ZM Podcast Network. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley. Hello, welcome to the Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley podcast. It's thanks to McCafe. Try barista made iced coffees available now at your local McCafe. I would like to make a confession. I don't even know if I've told, really like communicated this to my parents, how bad the problem was.

But when I was like between the ages of like five to seven I stole a lot that's so young dude I don't know like what it was in me or like what gave me the entitlement but me I'm sure she weren't mine me and my best friend we used to just nick shit but five to seven you were unsupervised yeah i don't know how we used to do it like we used to because you know it was like we had those big open classrooms at primary school and it'd always be full of little gems and like the good the good scissors yeah good scissors and like little they had these like you remember those little rubber nips you used to put on a pencil because it hurt your fingers? And they're like that. Little grip things.

Marbles and little like pebbles and stones and stuff. And so that's where I started. I started stealing like those little nibs and little stones and little, little bits. And then I accelerated it and I used to steal from people's bags. You little bitch. Little shit, hey. I will never forget when I was in primary school, I had all the Batman collector cards and someone stole them out of my-

From the 1989 Tim Burton movie. I was, yeah, I believe so. That would have been a great collection. I know. I was probably some little entitled girl like myself. Yeah. I got terrible. I used to steal people's lunches.

But what a weird age. Yeah. It's so weird that I used to do this. Because when you're a teenager, it's like a little bit of a thrill. Lots of my friends stole when they were teenagers. I never did. You got it out of your system. I got it out of my system.

Did you get caught? Why did you stop? I feel like I did. The memory is so blurry. But there was like, in my main classroom in year one, which is why I knew there was five. They did new entrants in year one, so maybe five, six. There was like the classroom and you had to tuck behind

and there was the cloakroom. Remember cloakrooms? Yep, yep. And I used to like, say I was going to the bathroom, which was down the veranda, and I used to just like hook around the corner and I would steal people's lunches. I would steal people, like if people had, I remember this girl had a key chain that was like a crystal bear.

And I just took it. A Swarovski crystal bear? A Swarovski. A Swarovski. And I just took it. Oh, my God. Yeah, and once I stole a stuffed toy. Oh, my God, here's two stories.

Once I stole a stuffed toy, and this is when I think that my parents must have, like, started seeing this, like, kleptomaniac shit turning up at home. Yeah. And my mum said, like, I remember her coming into the room and holding it up and being like, Hayley, where did this come from? And you wouldn't do that if it was like the first time, right? No.

Where did this come from? And I remember I told her that someone had dropped it over the fence of school and then I had picked it up over the fence and told a teacher and they said that I could keep it. And I remember her looking at me like, you are full of shit. And the second one was, do you remember Plasticine?

Yeah. We used to make Plasticine figurines and one of these girls who I ended up being friends with, Catherine, Catherine Atkinson, I'm so sorry I did this to you. She was an incredible artist

and she made a turtle out of Plasticine and I stole it and I took it in my hand and I went, and I just. What a little shit. It was like, what, was jealousy because she was getting the attention from it? I guess so and I took it in my hand I went and I just what a little shit it was what was jealousy because

she was getting the attention from it so and I remember lying in bed and I remember being in bed that night in Eastbourne in this room mid-renovation and I was like the guilt riddled with guilt was like strangling me wow I don't know when I stopped and I remember a teacher coming up to me and my bestie Jess and, and saying, now Caitlin's lunch is missing. Do you know anything about that? When they're targeting a small group, they know who's done it. They need you to admit it.

Isn't that strange? What did you do with the lunch? You weren't squishing it like the plant was saying to her, I hope. I guess I ate it. What a little shitbag. I know. I just don't know where it started. But we laugh about it now going like, what kicked

that off that we just started stealing? Well you got it out of your system because I got done shoplifting when I was like 13. Did you? What did you steal? No, I stole something successfully from the store. Oh yeah this stupid fuck returned to the scene of the crime. Oh that's right. To get a refund. But of course

no, they were running an undercover school holiday shoplifting lady. Oh, you wanted the money equivalent. Yeah. What did you take? I can't even remember. But was it worth much? Oh, like maybe 50, 60 bucks. Oh, wow.

The policeman did say that was very clever. And have I done this before? And I was like. Well, that's lucky he didn't kickstart your career in crime. Now, that's very clever, but here's where you went wrong. to go through the bin no they were trying to they were trying to like have you done this before and I was like no this is my first time who told you how to do that no one I just did it myself you just came up with the premise yourself you you didn't read like some mate at school was on it what you do is you take it you take it back fuck that is pretty clever

I would never have thought of that at that age. Unless someone told me that was how you do it. I only got caught because the undercover lady who goes around like a secret shopper busted me coming back in. Did you come back in on the same day? Yeah, she didn't even bust me leaving. Give it a day. And then do you know that that lady, I saw her everywhere after that. I'd see her at supermarkets pretending to push her shopping trolley around. Did you get banned?

Yes. Did you have to tell your parents? Yeah, of course. Did they call your parents? Yeah, of course. Oh, that's the fucking worst. But see, if I'd started when I was five or six, got it out of my system, that wouldn't have happened. I still think about that turtle.

See, we lifted lollies. What do you mean we lifted? We stole lollies. That was the only thing I've ever stolen. See, we lifted lollies. What do you mean we lifted? We stole lollies. That was the only thing I've ever stolen from... Pick and mix. The massive chain outlet's still around, but they don't have a pick and mix anymore, but they used to back in the 90s have a pick and mix. Right.

And you'd just like load your... So you would... How we did it was the height of summer, because we didn't live in town. The only time we ever lived in town was when we went to our beach. We went on a beach holiday every year for two weeks. Nice. And it got to the point where my parents were just like,

God, just get the fuck out of our sight. You're old enough now. Go and shoplift. Can we go to the mall? We're not going. Can we go to the mall? We're sick of asking. As long as you're back here by dinner, be careful.

And yeah, we used to wear massive hoodies, and we'd get a little kind of height of summer, our Russell Athletics hoodies, and we used to be like, scoop and put one scoop in the container, and then scoop and just kind of tip it from this height into an open hoodie pocket. Wow. I'm sure it didn't rustle or look. And then you'd be like, oh, actually, and you'd always say this loud,

actually, I don't want these lollies anymore. And you'd put the thing down and you'd walk out. How did you not get caught? Dude. There's no barcode on pick and mix lollies. And these are massive baggy hoodies with all the weight in the middle of the hoodie pouch. And just we would be walking out like, rustle, rustle, rustle, rustle.

How did we not get caught? How did you not get caught? How did you not get caught? Hey, but we're good now, guys. We are good. We're good citizens now. I actually stole something when I was 17 and I walked back because I did it by accident. You know when you're just wandering around the store. Do you know what?

Vaughn stole an avocado accidentally in his adult years. That was in a hoodie pocket as well. Yeah, it was. Yeah. That was a whoopsie daisy. Wow, you're a bad boy. I was a baddie. I remember seeing somebody. Yeah, it was. Yeah. That was a whoopsie-daisy. Wow, you're a bad boy. I remember it was a baddie. I remember seeing somebody stole a porno once.

Oh. We were like, it was the same at the Mount, same place, and we just happened to be walking, and we saw someone from school, and we're like, oh, hey, didn't know you were on holiday here. Oh, yeah, we're down at the caravan park. Oh, okay, what have you guys been up to? And we're like, we're just going down to nick lollies and they're like check out what we got and he pulled up his shirt and he had three pornos and i was just like oh you can't have those we're not old enough to have not the fact that he's

stolen them but just the fact that he should not have had those out of the magazine. That would have been bush heavy too. Oh my God, yeah. Big bush. We were in the 90s. Pre-2000s. Yeah, we were in the early to mid-90s there. There was still a lot of 80s bush hangover. Yeah, if you'd seen a fully shaved pubis at that stage, you would have been like,

what is that? What the hell's going on? Where are her pubes? Oh, another one in the bag. It's a Versace bag as well. If you enjoyed that, give us a rating and a review and be sure to tell your mates. You don't sound sincere there, boy.

I'm just reading what's written here.