ZM's Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley - Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley Podcast - 7th June 2022

Episode Date: June 7, 2022

Top 6: Queens Honours   Watermelon Prices  Silly Little Poll!  Bet I Can Guess Your Mums Name!  Fact of the Day Day Day Day Daaaaay!See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

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Hello, welcome to the Fletch, Vaughan, and Hayley podcast. It's thanks to McCafe, grab a rich, smooth, barista-made coffee. Borten's just setting an alarm. We've got an interview to do a bit later on this morning. So you're setting an 11.30 alarm? Yep. Yeah, we can't. Or 11.25, I'll put it for 11.25, because often my alarm will go off. Okay.

And I'll be somewhere, and so I best give myself five minutes to get back to the computer. So the great thing about the pandemic is that now you get to interview a lot of celebrities on Zoom, just like you do for a boring work meeting. Yes. But it's instead of a boring Zoom with, you know, Janice from McCown's in the top left,

you've got a bloody big old celebrity. And we can't say who we're interviewing because it's embargoed. But I tell you what, pretty bloody excited about this. And I'm a bit worried that they're going to see the mess behind your shoulders. Look at that bloody wall. You've renovated a half-renovated wall. Sade said I'm not allowed in any of these broadcasts from homes to have the washing anywhere visible

because she doesn't want her knickers ending up in the background of a video. Can you please, for this interview, have all your washing behind and see if they... Yeah, and I'll put all the Sade's undies on one side. Yeah. So they're like,

someone doing the washing. But yeah, I know, I've got this exposed beam because we've had these big doors put in. Yeah, I was going to say maybe could you fuzzy your background

before this interview or choose a background? I could do. And that looks sketchy as well What's he hiding? I do like the idea of having all your wash in there And just seeing if they say anything Yeah, yeah

Knowing who we're interviewing I think, well One half of them definitely would say something Yeah, but the other half would be far too polite To say anything Well, I mean, it's worth a go. Or could you just be putting the washing up while talking to them? Oh, yeah, when we start doing this thing, I'll be doing the washing

because it's working from home, but, you know, I'm doubling down on Judy's. ZM's Fletch Vaughan and Hayley. Thank you, Lee. Good morning. Welcome to the show, Fletch Vaughan and Hayley. Tuesday. Tuesday short week. Tuesday, Tuesday.

Now, the show coming to you from various parts of the country this morning. Vaughan, from your living room, a little cough there. Yeah, that cough may have indicated why I still got COVID. COVID in the Smith House. COVID in the Smith House. I repeat. I saw your wife got it at the weekend. Yeah, because she was testing every other day

and she had no line, not even a trace of a line. And then the next day she was like, oh, I don't feel well and tested. Came up thick and black very quick. I messaged her and said, well, there's no doubt who gave this to you. And she said, that big old nerd in his Disneyland trip or something like that?

The Disney strain. The Disney strain. The Disney strain. It's the happiest strain on earth. Were you in the good books at the weekend for that, or it was inevitable? That was the thing, because I found out, I got home from the airport and tested

when she was dropping the kids off at school. And so I knew before she got home. And we haven't even touched each other, which was really good for her, which was nice for her, but we still got the vid, so. You usually just get off that plane and absolutely jump each other's bikes.

Oh, well, yeah. I really start petitioning at the minute I'm through customs. I get my phone out and I start petitioning for a little. Yeah, yeah, yeah. A little arrivals. I'm on my way.

A little strip search at customs if you know what I'm saying. And Hayley, you're broadcasting from home again this week. More filming? The final week of filming The Great Kiwi Bake Off. It's going well. No biscuits? I have definitely... My pants are a bit tight.

Oh my God, my pants are tight too and I haven't been filming any bake off. All right, on the show this morning, the retro petrol time machine is back. Eight o'clock this morning, we'll do that. Your chance to win free fuel. We'll play, but I can guess your mum's name on the show today as well, just after eight o'clock. The top six. Oh, sorry.

Vaughan, do you think that your blocked sort of sinuses and senses might block your spiritual abilities? I know I am in my, like, I've got a very strong connection to the land here. I'm sort of in a spiritual hub of my existence here. You might need to sort of take off your shoes and hop outside and earth for a bit. It's very cold outside, but I was thinking if we could have a moment

in the ad break before, I might go and do some earthing. I think you should do it. Okay, like actual fully naked earthing. You're not mucking around. Okay, good. Arse in soil, you know. Okay, like actual fully naked earthing. You're not mucking around. Okay, good. Not your arse in soil, you know. Real straight arse in soil stuff.

All your charts have played, but I can guess your mum's name after eight this morning. The top six is coming up. Yeah, the top six people are robbed of Queen's birthday honours, according to moi. Oh, no, Vaughan, I'm not upset about it. I'm not upset. Don't worry about it.

Oh, I was thinking you got that award. I would say that illy deserved award, Best Presenter in Entertainment. So I thought you were okay. You probably were okay. All right, we'll go. But I've got the other people robbed of a Queen's birthday. We'll go through that list. So next on the show, though, rats.

Yeah, rats. And not great news if you're stuck somewhere. Well, great news, but not great news. It all depends on where you stand on rats. Play. ZDM's Fletch Vaughan and Hayley. Sorry. That was rich.

That was pretty rich. That was one of those. That was rich. That was pretty rich. That was a rich COVID cough. A lot of lung movement there on that rich little cough. This is good news, but not good news. If you don't like rats, I'm not a fan. Rats are being trained. And these rats that they're using for these aren't any standard rats. They're the biggest rats I've ever seen in my life.

They look like kangaroos. Yeah. They do. They look more like a possum. They're like midway between a rat and a possum. No. Maybe that makes them a little less gross. No, it makes them more gross.

No, I know what you mean because they're less sort of burrowy and skittery. It's skittery. That's why I don't like mice. They're too unpredictable. You try to catch them and they're ferreting about. Ferrets, oh yuck.

Actually, no, they're about the size of a ferret or a stoat and I don't like those either. So maybe it's just the whole skittery thing. But these rats are being trained. A Glaswegian Donna Keane is in charge of this project

and she is training rats to find people in like building collapses, most commonly as a result of earthquakes. Ah. So why? Because people get trapped. You know, you think of like building collapses.

People could be trapped in there. They could be alive for some time, but by the time they clear the rubble, because they're like, hello, but because the people inside are screaming, but with all the noise and everything, they can't, you know, yell out and be heard. Yeah.

These little rats will scurry through the debris and find people and then come back out and be like, squeak, squeak. You know, there's someone in there. Yeah, but that still doesn't fix anything, does it? Because the humans still have to get to them. Yeah, but they know where to get to them. And so the idea is if they find you, they're wearing this little backpack and you take their backpack off them and then that's like a locator.

That's like a locator. And then they know whereabouts the Rumble are looking for you. The rats are wearing backpacks? How big are these backpacks? It looks like a Catmando sort of

day bag. Like a life jacket. It's like a life jacket. It's like a, you know, like search and rescue dogs wear those vests and they've just got like a couple of bickies in the pocket or something. I don't know what's in the pocket of the dog because it always says, do not pet. And I'm like, oh, yeah. I saw a dog in LA.

It was wearing a bulletproof vest. I was like, man, that's a sad indictment of this whole country. That's America for you. I know our police dogs had stab proof jackets at one stage, didn't they? Yeah. Because they kept dying. Yeah, and that's, like, really sad when, you know, one of our canine units is injured.

So there's rats. Anyway, these rats will scurry through, like, building collapses. It's currently being trialled in Turkey because Turkey's a country prone to... Or Turkey Eye. Have you seen they've renamed themselves officially? Oh, yes, yes, yes, yes. Change the spelling. Change the

spelling of turkey. But do you still say turkey? It's changed it slightly, but apparently we've been saying it wrong anyway. They've changed the spelling to really ram home that they're not named after the gobbly bird. The gobbly bird. I think the gobbly bird's named after them. Oh, okay, right. Turkey think the gobbly bird's named after them.

Oh, okay, right. Oh, Turkia. T-U with a dot dot on top. A normal. R-K-I-Y-E. Yeah. Turkia. It's changed a little bit.

So they're the ones getting the risky rats. What about my Turkish delights? Have they changed that? Do I have to say Turkia? It'll be Turkia, your shdelights. Oh, my God. They should have renamed themselves Roast Chuck. You know, the premier bird. Yeah, it really is, yeah.

Yeah, when it comes to eating, a chuck's a year-round calendar special, isn't it? Bit of bird. Yeah. Turkey. If you're eating turkey and it's not the festive season, eyebrows will be raised. Yeah.

Absolutely. Play ZM's Flet season, eyebrows will be raised. Yeah. Absolutely. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley. Well, this is a story of a very smart young woman from San Antonio, Texas, who just the end of last week won the Scripps National Spelling Bee. And I didn't know they were still doing these. They seem a bit...

Yeah. We've got autocorrect now. Why do you need it? Google just says, do you mean? And you're like, absolutely. Google's the best spelling. On your phone, the autocorrect or the predictive one, it doesn't always know what you mean.

But if Google's the best one at just trying to work them out, work out what exactly I mean when I've absolutely massacred that word. Yeah, absolutely. It figures it right out. You might need it when you're trying to spell drumeus, pyrolaladone, and myriacectin. Some of the words.

I mean, you can hardly even say those three words. I know. Let alone, I don't even know how to spell them. I know, but 14-year-old Harini Logan does. She won the competition. They had a round, so it got down to two of them in the competition. Her

and a 12-year-old boy whittled down to just the two of them. Then they had a round where they instead of having to spell them, they were given a word and they had to give the meaning of the word Then they had a round where they, instead of having to spell them, they were given a word and they had to give the meaning of the word. Okay.

And the one that got her through to that round was pullulation. Pullulation? P-U-L-L-U-L-A-T-I-O-N. Pullulation. What does that mean? Pullulation means, well, she sort of said it,

and then they were like, yeah, it technically is that. It is the nesting of mating birds. How does a 14-year-old know that? All of these. Right. Pollylation, asexual reproduction in which a local growth on the surface and or in the body of the parent becomes a separate individual. I don't really even understand what that means, let alone spell it.

Yeah, exactly. Anyway, so she gave the definition for that, got through the round, and they were like, she's going to win. But then this 12-year-old boy was like, hey, I also know what this means. And it got down to just the two of them so close that they had to have a 60 second, a 90 second, sorry, lightning round. Okay. Where they just gave, like, it's incredible to watch.

They just give her words and she's like, T-E-R-R-O-I-N-S-M-N-O,, it's incredible to watch. They just give her words and she's like, T-E-R-R-O-I-N-S-N-O-P and hits a buzzer. So it wasn't that usual one because usually it's so slow, isn't it? And it's like,

they repeat the word back to them and say, can you please use it in a sentence? That's how they got down to, you know, how they whittled down the grope was the classic way.

Then they did this meaning round. Then they did a lightning round, which in 90 seconds, she was able to give rapid fire answers to 26 words, 22 of which she got correct. Whereas the partner she was playing against, Vikram, 12 years old, suck it, Vikram,

only got 19 responses in correctly spelling 15 of them. Looking at that list of words, how many could you have got, Hayley? I don't even know. They just look like letters crammed together. It's like pulling letters out of a Scrabble bag and just putting them up on the thing. You're like, that's not a word. But she's 14 years old and won $52,000.

$52,000. That's pretty good. Or her mum and dad did. Yeah. Let's be honest. And by the time she gets old enough to realise, her parents would have spent it. Yeah. So well done, Harini. Being a smarty pants absolutely pays off.

Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley. Play ZM. From the sophisticated ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley Play ZM From the sophisticated ZM Think Tank This is the Top 6 Hello there, Queen's birthday honours list Revealed over the weekend As it always is Because it's Queen's birthday And that's when she dishes out

But doesn't she do New Year's honours? Yeah, there's New Year's honours, yep. So many chances to get a knighthood or an OBE or an MBE. Dime a dozen. Yeah. I mean, you've got to do something. Don't just give them out to your willy-nilly, do they? Yeah, well, don't they?

Well, there's a whole lot of new OBEs, Companions of the New Zealand Order of Merit. There's not too many new sirs and dames and sirs. You're light on the new sirs and dames,

but yeah. Di Henwood's mum got one. Yes. How lovely. Did she? She's the judge. That's right.

She was the one in the middle. Her last name was Henwood. That was the clue. That's right. She was the one in the middle. Her last name is Kenwood. That was the clue. Dead giveaway. That one. Pro tip though, guys.

You don't actually need to do all this community work. When you're booking a flight, you just drop down the menu to sir or dame or doctor or whatever. And you can be that for a flight. Yeah. Pro tip. You stuff the community. Pro tip. You stuff the community, pro tip. You don't need to give back hours of endless community service

for recognition. I think Carl Fletcher's services to radio has just gone out the window. Absolutely. Did anybody get... Hold on, I'm going to... Nah, I just searched radio on the list. No one got anything for radio.

What about broadcasting? Nah, broadcasting came up dry. I think it's going to take a national government to give Mike Hosking's one. Yeah. Oh, Sir Mike Hosking. Sir Mike Hosking. Oh, it's got a ring to it, doesn't it?

He'd love that. He'd love that. I've got the top six people robbed of a Queen's birthday honour this year. Number six on the list. For the interview they gave post the game at the Olympics, Ruby Toohey and Michaela Blyde. Oh, yeah.

Still touted as New Zealand's best sports interview ever. Yeah. And, you know, that was just last year at the Olympics. Robbed. Robbed by not giving them one. Number five on the list of the top six people robbed of a Queen's Birthday honour, the bucket fountain,

the missing bucket from the bucket fountain. Because it went through a harrowing time, guys. It was stolen. Yeah, painted a different colour. It was eventually returned, put on a brave face and just got straight back to work. And that's what, you know, we want from our people. And then had to put up with the slander

last week from the, was it the husband of the British ambassador? What did he say? What did he say? He bad-mouthed it. He bad-mouthed it on Twitter. I mean, it was very tongue-in-cheek, but, you know, calm down. Do they want to be run out of town?

Yeah, let's get him on the list. I'm going to bad-mouth him on Twitter. Yeah. I mean, Twitter's a lot of bad-mouthing, so it'll just get lost in the wash. Lost in the wash there. Unless you go for a hero like the Bucket Fountain. Number four on the list of the top six people

robbed of a Queen's birthday honour. Doug the Spud, which turned out to be a gourd. That's right. Guys have got the world record spud. Look at the spud. It's massive. It turned out it wasn't a spud after all, but I still think Doug

the Gourd. Yeah. Because you can't spell Gourd without Doug and then an R. Would that have been a Sir Doug or would that have just been an order of merit for you in your eyes? I think I would have gone Spur. No, I would have gone Sir because Doug's not going to be with us long and you want

Doug to enjoy the title. Doug's probably too you know when you accidentally leave like a spud or something in the cupboard and it sprouts a few things and goes really yucky. A bit green. Yeah, let's face it. Doug's probably been chopped up

and fed to the pigs already after he was a loser that wasn't a spud. Yeah. Number three on the list of the top six people robbed of a Queen's birthday honour, the lady who voiced the COVID-19 ads. Because now her voice is synonymous with a shit time.

You know, she's... I feel that she's given up the gig, though, now. She has. She doesn't do any of the voicing for it now. I feel like she doesn't want a part of it. The well-known Kiwi actor that's also the voice of the Auckland rail line. Oh, really?

He's the voice of lots of things. Oh, yeah, okay. He's on the Young Rock. He's on the Young Rock show as well. Yes, yes, yes. Fussy to our Mosa. I think it's Fussy

doing the voicing for COVID now. Oh, wow, okay. He does Mitre 10 as well. See, he needs to move over. I'll do Mitre 10. He can do COVID. Mitre 10 don't need you

on the TV every night going, Mitre 10. It wouldn't on the TV every night going, Mitre 10! It wouldn't be my face because I can understand why they would steer clear of that, but I could do the voicing. Like right now, I've got the deeper thing. Vaughn, you remember what happened with the garage door voiceover

gig? You got fired. Yeah, no, I didn't. Did I get fired or did they just stop doing advertising? I think not renewing and getting fired is the same thing. I don't think my team want to pick up a loser to voice their big ads. That's all I'm saying. I'm just keeping you grounded here, mate. Okay.

Stay humble. Yeah. I've got no choice but to stay humble when I was just called the loser that got fired from the garage door ads. Number two on the list of the top six people robbed of a queen's birthday on a transmission gully. Oh, yeah. Or sir transmission gully. Or would it be dame?

Dame transmission gully. I feel like transmission gully is a dame. Yeah. She took ages to get ready. Yeah. She's like spitting stones up into people's window screens. I don't know why that's a female trait. I just feel like...

It feels that way. Yeah. Question. What if somebody who calls themselves a they, that's their pronoun, what would you call them in the Queen's Honours? That's a very good question. Because that would never have been a thing, right?

There'd have to be a whole new word, would there? Or would you just pick one? I don't know. I don't know. What do you call them when you get a Queen's birthday honours? What do you call it when you get a Sir? A knighthood. Okay, what if I Google non-binary knighthood title?

I mean, my suspicion is that it just hasn't happened yet. Oh, in 2020, the question was asked on Reddit, if the British monarch knighted a non-binary fluid person, what would the title, what would they be given? Maybe you can choose which one you identify with. Yeah, but then it's not, is it? Well, you're only given the choice between two. So apparently if you are trans men or trans woman,

you pick whichever you identify with. But that's what people then continue to ask. What if... It's non-binary. It's non-binary. You literally don't. And someone said, as of 2020, I don't believe this has been done yet. Oh, well, the Queen's cancelled.

What about... She has cancelled. She's cancelled. I reckon the Queen's cancelled. What about... She is cancelled. She's cancelled. I reckon the Queen was cancelled years ago. Yeah, yeah. No way. She's actually uncancelled herself with that Paddington sketch that she filmed.

Oh, yeah. She uncancelled herself. That is the most wholesome thing I've ever seen. Although, Carwen at the social media desk, and she knows social media, she thinks the Queen's CGI or a deep fake. That's what I heard. CGI or a deep fake. You're saying deep fake, Carween.

Yeah, she just didn't look real. Yeah, but she is like nearly dead. She's nearly dead, Carween. That's what old people look like. You're not allowed to deep fake the Queen. They might have filtered her. They didn't deep fake her. The Queen has all the money in the world.

She can deep fake if she wants to get out of something. This is true. Do you reckon she'd allow it? If that's right, why hasn't she got Prince Andrew out of all this trouble? She probably doesn't want to. She probably wants nothing to do with him.

You know, you give your kids so many warnings and then you're like, you're on your own now. Yeah. True. All right.

He had his chance and number one on the list of the, we're not quite finished yet. We've got a little side track there. Number one on the list of the top six people robbed of a Queen's birthday

honour, the Warriors. No, I think next year will be their year. That'll be their year to win, but can you imagine? Like, I think they deserve a tip of the hat. They just keep turning up and... Yeah. Yeah, I mean, they might not be winning any games,

but Jesus, they keep turning up. Yeah. What's that? They don't deserve all these losses. Do you feel sorry for any one particular warrior? No, no, not particularly, no. No, no? Wow.

You don't feel emotionally moved when you look into those baby blue eyes of Rhys Walsh? Nobody? Oh, he gets a bit upset, doesn't he? It's just his look. It's just his look. He's a real cutie. That is today's top six. Play ZM's Fletch Vaughn and Hayley. Happy hour. He's just as lucky. He's a real cutie. That is today's top six.

Happy hour. Something we often don't have post-work drinkies because we finish work around 10 a.m. and that would be... I've been petitioning for 10 a.m. happy hour for so long. God, every time I go to a bar, they're like, oh, the bar's not open yet. And you're like, don't shame me. Isn't when you go to a bar and you're having drinks

and then you just realise that they've got a happy hour, like you've just stumbled into a happy hour, isn't that one of life's greatest joys? One of the best when you're like, hey, can I get one of these? And they're like, sure, that's $10. You come back, you're like, oh, same again. They're like, that's $7. You're like, what happened?

I love me a happy hour. I think there's a rule that you can't walk past a happy hour. You've got to go in and make the most of it. Spoken like a true alcoholic. Wow. Thank you. So apparently, so they did a study. This is in America, so it was over 21s because, of course, they can't drink.

I know, but you can buy an AR assault rifle. You can get guns and stuff. You can't be drunk when you're wielding them. No. Between the ages of 18 and 21. You can't be drunk while wielding a gun.

So they did a study of 2,000 adults over the age of 21, drinkers in America, and a third of them believe that happy hour should span, on average, three hours.

What a bizarre study. That's how long most people spend at a happy hour. Yeah, they should be as long as you're at the bar. Those prices should be that. I feel like in New Zealand, lots of happy hours are like four to six. Two hours, yeah. Yeah, I think they're two because isn't that the irony? It's happy hour, but it's not an hour.

It's always two, right? Absolutely. It's so happy it forgot to stop. Exactly. God, I love a place where you've just missed happy hour or you're just slightly early and they're like, oh, look, it's happy hour soon. We'll give it to you at the happy hour price.

Oh, I've never had that. I've had that thing where you go to order and then they bring it back to you and it's, you ordered before happy hour, but they didn't put it through the till until after the top of the hour. Oh yeah. And then you get the bill and it's full price and you're like, Hey, you cheeky shit. Like when does happy hour count? When I ordered it? Because I ordered it before the hour was up. Yeah. I've been known to order and park a few drinks actually. When happy hour is approaching. When happy hour's about to go and you're like, oh, we'll just get another bot.

Yeah. Get another bot to sit on the table. Another interesting fact from this study is that people think Tuesday is the ideal day to hit up a happy hour post-work. Tuesday? Closely followed by Friday. I mean, it's Friday. Absolutely.

Tuesday's quiz night. Tuesday's quiz night. Yeah, or you might have, a lot of people Have an indoor netball As well And you've got to have A couple of Shiraz's Before that Well after

I was thinking If you're going to have A Shiraz You probably want it After don't you Because like The red wine would sit I'm going to mention

A lovely Pinot Gris Beforehand though You know just a lighter Oh so you're going White before red after Yeah white That's always my rule With social netball

White before red after You don't want to always my rule with Social Netball. For sports? White before, red after. You don't want to bring up that Shiraz on a goal attack. Oh, no, no, no, no. Absolutely not. Tuesday, that seems insane to me. But honestly, today? Shall we? Today's Tuesday.

Well, an Auckland shopper, and this has gone viral, was left shocked at a watermelon price. A whole watermelon. I mean, it's a sum of fruit, isn't it? It is $100. For one watermelon? For one watermelon, yes. Where did it come from?

Yeah. The mummy and daddy watermelon. Oh, God, that would have been a painful birth. Got together and made a baby watermelon? No, no, no. Did it come from Mexico or... I think locally we're not in watermelon growing season. No, so

this was at Farrow, the supermarket. What would you call them? Like a boutique chain? Yeah. You love shopping at places like this, Hayley, because you went to a private school. A gourmet grocer. A gourmet grocer. They say that they're from

Australia. And yes, they are out of season. So, like anything you buy out of season, it's going to be a lot more expensive. But yes, $100. Why would you even put that on your shelves? Yeah, like why bother, right? Like who wants it that much? There's a few watermelon around it.

There's a $70 one. This one is a 10.2kg watermelon and it is priced at $9.99 a kg. Yeah, see that's what they've said. It's actually $10 a kg. Jesus, that's a big melon. It's giant, but there's no option just to buy's a big melon. Yeah, so it's giant.

But there's no option just to buy like a quarter of a melon, is there? You can just get water from the tap. You know what I mean? Like that's essentially what watermelon is, isn't it? Totally. I'll pay roadside prices in New Zealand summer when there's a Mazda Bongo van full of watermelon and they've towed a trailer there with more watermelon and you get to pick

your watermelon, you give it a tap, tap, tap, and away you go and I'll pay $5 for a watermelon, but I'm not paying $100 for a watermelon. Who needs it that bad? I might. Just because it feels now, it feels like it's an exclusive item and you know. Oh, so you think people

Right. Yeah, okay. People come over to my house and i'll be like man just you in a wedge of watermelon i'll be like where did you get that hey they're so expensive at the moment and you'd say oh that's nothing it's nothing you know basically what you've described uh there is also how people have been selling nfts right yes pretty much they create a feeling that you're about to miss out on something and it surges this sort of false mind due to lack of supply. Thank God they don't sell NFTs by the KG.

At Farrow. Now, I've got a bit of PSA. A PSA, a very important PSA. That's the glue, isn't it, that you put on your hand and then you peel it off? No, that's PVA. What does PVA stand for? Poly. That's a great, that's great.

PVA, yeah. Viscous. Because if you didn't make a skin In your childhood out of PVA glue You had a bad childhood right You weren't living Don't write off your childhood Just because you didn't do that You might have had a loving family

Did your family love you If they didn't let you make a PVA Skin Or roll up a ball Did you ever have so much PVA? Like, this was only ever at school. I can't even remember having PVA at home. It was only ever at school.

Only at school. It was a school. It was a... We had that gummy glue with the brush that was like... Yes. You'd put it under the lid and you'd pull out the thing and you'd brush that on. That was a pretty good glue.

There was like a wallpaper paste, though, that glue, wasn't it? Yes, it was. So polyvinyl acetate. Of course. Is what it stands for, PVA. It doesn't feel like something kids should be rubbing on their skin all that much. No. But did you ever have so much at school, you'd like, a jar, you'd put your whole hand in?

Yeah, and then you'd let it dry for a bit. And then let it drip out, and then let it dry, and then you'd have a really thick skin to peel off. So good. That would probably explain the slow poisoning there of your body. Yeah. Makes a lot of sense, actually. It does say that it's a non-toxic way of gluing things. Oh, okay.

Not toxic, but polyvinyl acetate. It doesn't sound fun. Also, it says that it's capable of gluing wood together. No, it's not. As my memory serves, it was a very poor glue. It could really stick two pieces of paper together. Yeah. I made some, speaking of hot glue, well, hot glue gun,

we've been doing a lot of that lately because we made this house out of banana boxes. Oh, yes, yeah, I saw it. But I did epoxy glue at the weekend because I fixed my Dyson. The trigger broke on my Dyson. I mixed up some epoxy glue. That's good glue. That's good stuff. You don't want kids messing around with that,

making a skin on their hand. Oh, no. It will literally, I'd imagine, take the skin off the child. It would skin you. Anyway, I don't have PVA. I have a PSA, a public service announcement. This is bad news.

More than 83,000 Kiwis are missing screening appointments for breast and cervical cancer. And this is as a result of just the pandemic getting in the way, not allowing them to have those appointments and then just not rebooking. So nearly 50,000 mammograms

have been missed and need to be booked across Aotearoa to reach the breast screening coverage target of 70%. In addition, 35,000 cervical screens were needed to reach pre-COVID-19 coverage levels. No good. Right, so people have just put them, oh, COVID got in the way, maybe they had an appointment,

it got missed and they just haven't rebooked. Well, yeah, because I'm not of mammogram age, so I don't know how often they get done for women. It depends on your risk, right? Or if you've had any signs or symptoms, then you'll get them done more regularly.

But I'm not at the age where you have to get them done every now and then. But I know cervical screening, if you've had normal cervical smears, is every second year, every two years you get them. So I think if you missed that within pandemic-y lockdown time and then you just haven't rebooked it, that's the thing. But the concern of this is that, like, especially, I mean,

my knowledge of smears and stuff, because I had an abnormal one once and had to get abnormal cellsars and stuff because I had an abnormal one once and had to get abnormal cells removed and stuff and if I hadn't have done that that would have quite quickly turned into cancer and you wouldn't have known unless you'd got the check yeah I know so I am very passionate about this so if you are one of these people that has missed your cervical smear remember they don't hurt they're very quick and easy they're not embarrassing at all and they can save your life so go and book. Is this going to be like the warrant of fitness situation though?

You remember how they said everybody's got an exemption of warrant of fitness until October. And then it just caused this mad rush in October. And then they said every October from here on out is going to be this heavy month for warrant of fitness. I think you're about to say they'll fine you $200 when they pull you over. I'll pull you over, check your warrant, your reg and your paps. Yeah, and give you a quick survival sweep and make sure you're all covered. And if it's overdue. All right, well, if it's overdue, book it in.

Book it in. Silly, silly little pole, silly little pole. It is so silly, silly, silly that silly little pole, silly little pole. Silly little pole, silly little pole, silly little pole. Well, today's silly little pole at the weekend. What's been happening in the Jubilee, the Queen's Jubilee? Because she's 110? She's been the Queen the Jubilee, the Queen's Jubilee because she's 110? She's been the Queen for 70 years, you smartass. Show some respect.

Show some respect to our monarch. She had a sit-down interview with Paddington Bear from CNN. Oh my God. No, she had a sit-down marmalade sandwich and a cup of tea with Paddington Bear and that was the cutest thing. It's so charming. I'm a huge Paddington fan. It was so charming.

They were talking about marmalade sandwiches and she said that she keeps one in her handbag and she pulled it out and was like, so do I. But then Carween at the social media desk claims that that's deepfake Queen. She thinks that Queen's been here. I claim that Carween just needs to believe. You know what I mean?

Yeah. It's fun to believe. Well, the moment we want to talk about and is focused on our silly little poll today was a Prince Charles moment, a speech that he gave during the Jubilee celebrations. Your Majesty, mummy. See, to me, I've always thought British people are saying mammy, because I've heard British Prime Ministers call her this too. Mummy.

She didn't even give birth to them. Are you sure they're not saying ma'am? They weren't saying ma'am? Mummy. No, no, British Prime Ministers call, I'm sure British Prime Ministers call the Queen Mummy. Mummy. Or mummy.

Mummy. No, no, no. Mummy, mummy, mummy, mummy, mummy, mummy, mummy, mummy. Mummy. Mummy. Mummy. Mummy. It's pretty gross. It is. So that is today's poll. Should grown men call their mothers mummy? Mummy.

It's very British. The only friend of mine who is female, so it doesn't apply, that calls her mum mummy is very British. And they come from a very sort of British family, like quite posh. Right. Because I can imagine girls, if they're asking dad for money, being like, daddy.

No, no, no. Sometimes when girls are just asking older men for money and they're not even related to them. No, that's got an S in front of it. That's saddy. That's saddy. That's saddy. So how do we feel about this today's silly little poll? Yeah, grown men calling their mother mummy.

This has shocked me to my core. 18% of people said it's fine. Now, bear in mind, this is after thousands of votes. Like more votes than they get for like television political polls. Every time we say, there's been a study that always has less numbers than the numbers we get for our polls.

Yeah, which is a big number. A big sample size. We don't want to brag. We don't want to brag, but we've got BPE, you know. We've got big poll energy. We do have big poll energy. We do.

This is the way we walk down the street. 18% of people say it's absolutely fine. You should see our big poles and our grey sweatpants. Oh my God. Oh my God. We're packing our sweatpants. Yeah, people think we've put something down there, but we haven't. Oh, no, no, no.

It's just our big poles. 18% of people say it's fine. 82% of people say, nah, it's weird. I just, it's, there's something about it. I mean, your girl, how old are your girls now, Vaughn? Ten and eight. They'd just call you dad, wouldn't they? Do they call you daddy still?

Dad, what do you guys call me? Just dad, eh? Dad? Yeah, dad. Dadda? They even looked reluctant to answer that question when asked. Like, get out, you're being weird. Stop asking us. They're going to start answer that question when asked. Get out. You're being weird. Stop asking us.

They're going to start calling you Vaughn soon. When I was a kid, my mum and dad told me when I was like four through to the age of about six, apparently I referred to them as Ian and Christine. That's so rude. So formal of you. Ian, where is Christine? There was always that one kid, eh,

that called their parents by their first names. And you were like, that's a weird dynamic. And then the worst part about it is when you went to that kid's house, what did you call their parents? Because Dad said the president of calling, like, their parents by their Christian names. And I could never do that.

I still call people I grew up with, who I have known my entire life, Mrs. Pickett next door. I still call people I grew up with, who I have known my entire life, Mrs. Pickett next door. I still call her Mrs. Pickett. She's not gay. I'd never call her gay. Her name's Mrs. Pickett. She's not gay.

Yeah, of course. No, that's her name. Oh, right. Okay. If she is gay, you should refer to her as gay. I thought it was quite rude to out your neighbour. Yeah, well, she's never gay. And her husband's a cat.

So, I wouldn't dare call him that up to his face. Well, we're going to get complaints about that, Vaughan. We can't have that on air. We've got some responses

in from our massive poll. Jordan says, Mama is fine. I sometimes call my mum Mama. Mama. That is a sort of joke. Or Dada.

That's weird. Mama is fine. Dada. You call your dad Dada. Like, I used to when I was like a teenager. Dadda. But you also kiss your parents on the lips. Yeah, I know.

But I kiss everyone on the lips. Your time will come where you are comfortable enough and you give me the energy that I can kiss you on the lips. I don't even like a hug. I know. I kiss everyone on the lips. But my mum always calls her dad, Dada. Dada.

Right. So my papa should always be like, Dada. So I call my dad, Dada. Anyway, Mama is fine. Mummy is weird unless they're rich, says Jordan. Yeah, but that's a sugar mummy. Yes, mummy. Kelsey said it screams mummy's boy.

Absolutely. Ash says immediate ick Chelsea said a guy I used to work with would kiss his mum on the lips and not just a peck what like tongue

no no no maybe just a mummy like a like a flat lip like a flat lip like a a flat wet lip

Chloe says so weird same when grown women say daddy. Yeah, it's the same. It's weird. Boudoir. Kyra says, it's weird. The only exception is Jack Whitehall.

He's the only person that can pull it off. And it's because of his posh British accent. He's the comedian that does the... Round. Yeah, my accent. Nummy. Alicia says, weirdly totally fine for royals, but no one else. And Trina says, my eight-year-old doesn't even call me mummy anymore.

It's weird if a grown-ass man does. I think the general consensus is no more mummy. But still what, 16%? 18. 18? Too much. Think it's fine? Too much.

Too much. Mummy. Play. ZM's Flet Too much. Too much. Mummy. Bad news. A study has found that lack of sleep can make others look less attractive to you. Now, what are we counting as lack of sleep these days? Because I reckon I'm rocking a four. Four hours? I had eight hours last night, and I can't tell you the last time I had eight hours last night,

and I can't tell you the last time I had eight hours sleep. Gorgeous. It really was. Four hours, Hayley. How are Vaughn and I looking to you now on Zoom? Like a ragged bag of cack. Wow. It could be my Zoom connection.

It could be my Zoom connection. That's true, and also your lack of sleep. Whereas in actual fact, Vaughn and I are looking quite spunky today, aren't we? Are you? Quite spunky. Quite a mistake. Yeah, so that must be the study true.

True to life. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Is it just because you just, when you're tired, you can't tolerate any BS and suddenly everyone, you know, like when people kind of grind your gears and make you annoyed, of course they instantly seem less attractive. So they've, in the study, they've related this to, you know, we all know beer goggles where you have a couple of beers or a couple of drinks and then it makes people more attractive.

Well, they've said that sleep goggles are the opposite of beer goggles. Oh no. And, yeah, I guess because, yeah, you're tired, you're cranky, you're short. Are you finding the older you get, the more attractive you're finding people? Or, like, you can find more attractive things about people? I'll sit this question out. I'm very young. Because you can't be less picky.

Is that what you're saying? I don't know what it is. I just think you find things attractive about people in your 30s and 40s that in your 20s you wouldn't have seen. I think like when you're in your 20s and like late teens, 20s, you're kind of like looking for this perfection. And then as you get older, I think like imperfections in people

become very attractive. I definitely feel that way. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You see someone and you're like, I can see how this is going to sound really bad I can see how someone could find them attractive you know, like that sort of thing. What a dick, what an arse. I've really made myself feel like a prick now.

Do you find her attractive? I can see how others might be able to find her attractive. I, of course, myself am off the mark. I'm not even looking. I don't even see beauty anymore. No, certainly not. But I can see how someone could find that person attractive. It's like, remember, we've talked about this before,

like women love the softer bodies on the men nowadays. And I think that's as you get older, you sort of realise what having a hard chiselled body actually means, which is like no fun time, no personality. Whereas like a little bit soft and some sort of, you know, a bit of wrinkles and a few greys is incredibly attractive. I'll say it. The correlation between hot, hard bodies and shit posting on social media is strong.

You know, like, god damn. Have you seen the sort of inspirational nonsense that hot bodied people post on Facebook and Instagram? Get it, group. How embarrassing would it be? Yeah, hot people are terrible. Hot people with hot bodies and hard, hot bodies are just... Well, that's made us all feel great about ourselves, hasn't it? Unless you're a hot influencer.

Yeah. Which we are not. Well, last week we were chatting about when you've accidentally posted something to social media, to the stories. And some of them were because the person was under the influence.

And we were chatting a little bit on and off here about our drunk personalities, who they are and what they get up to. Because I definitely have one of these. And that's how we started talking about this was my drunk personality loves to post on stories. Yeah. And then I always wake up and people are like, jeepers. And I always look and go, oh, get rid of that.

At the top of the story, it's just tiny dots of the whole night. Do you know when it was the raisins? And it's always just like, what? What are you saying? My drunk personality doesn't have a name. I think I need to find her a name.

Her main trait is that she is sort of illegible. I mean, like she can't, not illegible. What's the word? Like you can't understand what she's saying. Oh, what is the word for that? I don't know. I'm having a COVID fuzz. Ineligible.

No, that's not the right word. She's unintelligible. Unintelligible that's not the right word. She's unintelligible. Unintelligible. Is that the right word? And I'll string together a series of words that have no connection to each other. And that's the main trait. Are you drunk now?

That just struck like a real cocoon moment that you were just emerging there. No, I'm laughing because my friend who is obviously listening right now. You're incoherent. My friend who's obviously listening right now was like, I know this. I know this and reminding me of a time that her character came out, but I won't say it on air, Rachel.

Anyway, we wanted to talk about these drunk personalities because remember a while ago Jennifer Lawrence shared hers. Hers is Gail and she shared it and she was like, there's a moment in time where Gail comes out. Jennifer disappears and Gail arrives. And that's all we want to know. Tell us about your drunk personality. Do they have a name?

Because a lot of people do name them. And what is the drunk you always do? You wake up and you're like, oh, my God, that's not me. That's drunk me. What's their favourite thing to do? Slag people off? Tell everybody how they're really feeling? Yeah.

Is it dancing? Is it online shopping? And you wake up and you're like, who? Gail, why have you bought this? I don't need that. But you don't have a name for yours? Your drunk personality? I think because I become incoherent.

It just like a shmaley. Hayley turns into shmaley. I just bought my I euthanised mine in my late 20s and I'm so glad I got rid of him. He was not fun. Bruce.

Bruce. No, he didn't have a name, but he loved a sparkly G-string, and he wasn't afraid to go for a run in one. So he wasn't afraid to get that out. Oh, we miss those days. Yeah, Fletch, do you have one? No, I just say, I just refer to that as being drunk me. Because I feel like our drunk personas have hung out.

Yeah, but not. You know, like Shmaley and Shmletch have hung out upon occasion. Yeah, not, I don't do any drunk online shopping. But it's that moment where, you know, you look at a friend, like maybe you're socialising and you catch them. You're like, she's gone, and this person has arrived. You can tell when Fletch is, guys, because one of his eyes

shuts a half. I'm trying to fall asleep, and you make me stay out. It's like if they were identical twins, and you were trying to tell the difference, you'd be like, oh, Fletch is the one with his eyes open. Without the bung eye. Yeah, Bowery, bung eye Bowery open. Without the bung eye. Yeah, Barry, bung eye Barry.

We call him bung eye Barry because his eye just half shut. Smiley Fletch is out. Well, I'll wait until you dial us at 8. We want to take your calls now, and you can text as well, 9696. Tell us about your drunk persona. Yeah, introduce them to us. What's their name? What are they known for?

What do they get up to? How have they got you in trouble? We don't want to know if you're... Keep them in a cupboard. Keep them in a cupboard for a Tuesday morning. You shouldn't be drinking. Yeah got you in trouble? We don't want to know if you're... Keep them in a cupboard. Keep them in a cupboard for a Tuesday morning you shouldn't be drinking. Yeah. Oh, absolutely. We don't want them on air. No. We just want to hear about them. And we don't want to hear

about your drunk persona as a recidivist drink driver. We want the fun stories. We want the fun stories, not the bad ones. Keep that for the court case. Now though, talking about your drunk personas, do they have a name and what do they get up to? Because it's a whole different person, isn't it, really?

It truly is. Some texts in. Someone said, our friend Ashley, when drunk, her name's Smashley. She's a good time. However, if she goes too far, she becomes Trashley, and Trashley's not a good time. Wow. I love that the friends have a code word. Guys, Tr Trashly, and Trashly's not a good time. Wow.

I love that the friends have a code word. Guys, Trashly's here. Trashly's here. Guys, it's time to get home. It's time to leave. The Trashly's out. Chris says he doesn't have a name, but he peaks too early in the night

and then sets up a full bed right in the middle of the party. I always carry an air mattress and bedding in my truck, so I'll go and grab those, I'll blow it up and I'll literally set up a nest, if you will, in the middle of the party. And there's so many pictures of me now just asleep in the middle of a party. Well, how do they sleep with

all that noise? Because you just don't want to miss out, do you? Just in case something really epic happens. Yeah, you're right in the middle of it all. But I'm also imagining if you're falling asleep in the middle of the party, you've probably had C and B drawn on your forehead more than your face a lot of times. Right now, talking about your drunk personas, your personalities.

Yeah. And there's no shortage of them. Surprise, surprise. And the shenanigans they get up to. Let's start with Gabby who, by day, just Gabby, but when she's drunk who comes out gabby um my drunk personality is mama bear oh no gabby mama bear this reasoning gabby um i can be drunk like drunk as anything and as soon as i'm like, two metres of a friend that needs help, I'm

sober as anything. It's like a switch, and I'm suddenly sober. That's so handy. It's very handy, but as soon as I'm out of that, like, two metre radius, I'm drunk again. Oh, that's good. Mama beer, better care for everyone. Amazing. Mama beer, thank you.

Jack, this is a friend of yours. What's your drunk personality? So my friend Mitch, when he has a bit too much to drink, his French self comes out. Is he French at all? He's not French. He's like Australian. He's so Australian.

Oh, okay. But he puts on a French accent when he gets to a certain... No, no, no, no. He actually speaks French. Oh, okay. Right. Okay. None of us speak French, so we don actually speaks French. Oh, okay. Right. Okay. None of us speak French, so we don't know what he's actually saying.

But he learned it in high school. Yeah, gibberish French. Ah. Right, but he never uses it any other time. No, no, no. He definitely knows more French when he's drunk. But none of us know what he's saying. He loosens up.

He relaxes his grip on reality and his subconscious still knows a bit of French. Yes. Well, that's like our executive intern, Anna, who gets drunk and starts speaking in a British accent.

she's British. No, I'm not a single person who's ever heard that actually believe she's even been to Britain. Jack, thanks for your call. Jean, who comes out? What's your drunk personality?

We have a sweary Mary in our friend group. She's pretty. She's pretty good. She's the most lovely, well-mannered, polite person. Yeah. Couple of margaritas deep and she's gone, man. She's like... Sweary Mary.

Yeah. Yeah, sweary Mary. With just a really potty mouth. Right, really. Really bad. And it's quite a contrast to the fact that she wouldn't swear when she's sober. Yes, that's the funny thing. She's so, yeah, she's so beautiful and so polite.

Yeah. Oh, I would want to see that. And then everything, F this, F that, bloody that. Does she swear just around you guys, her friend group, or does she, like, swear like swear to like people serving her, people in the Uber? Yeah, it's almost embarrassing to be out at dinner with her. Oh, no.

Wow, sweary Mary comes up. Jen, amazing. Thank you. Some messages in. We have a good friend called Josh. When he has a few, we call him Tammy or Tammy Lynn because he gets really bitchy and emotional. So he's just carrying on like a real Tammy Lynn.

Tammy Lynn. My drunk personality is security Sarah, likes to ask people to leave pubs, offers crowd control assistance to the bouncers, and uses a straw as a headset. Then she pretends she's on Smoko and pops the straw up out of the way. That's great.

Security Sarah sounds good to me. That's good fun. I'd like to have Security Sarah around. Someone said, I'm extremely vocal, loud, and generally

an obnoxious dick. Shaniqua is her name. She likes to disappear on adventures, find dogs on the street, and try to find them a home. And she's just a very inconvenient person to have around.

Someone said, my drunk personality doesn't have a name but they keep wetting my bed. Oh, no. Oh, that's inconsiderate of them. Oh, wetty betty. Wetty betty. Yeah.

Darlene has drunk me. I love a souvenir of a night out. Oh, no. One time I took a baby Jesus from a house party. It turned out the person in the party who took it from was, it was from their grandmother, and Jesus was extremely precious to the family. I had to return it as sober me, not Darlene.

She never deals with the consequences of her actions. She always leaves it up to me. Oh, Darlene always getting off scot-free. Yeah, exactly. My husband becomes Helga, a middle-aged Russian stripper. It's very traumatising as his wife to witness this. He's been this on purpose for friends' dad who's also. He knows it's going to come out, so he'll get drunk.

Oh, my God. Oh, Helga. Yeah, our mate Matt turns Portuguese do is also, he knows it's going to come out, so he'll get drunk. Oh my God. Yeah, our mate Matt turns Portuguese and starts talking all about Portugal, but he's never been to Portugal, so I don't know where he gets his information from. Oh, he needs to go to Portugal one day. Get him a flight to Portugal. That'd be such a nice gift. Get him over there. My best

friend turns into the Duchess. That's all she's known as. Oh, right. It's an English accent, holds her wine with her little finger out and definitely her angle of her face, she gets a bit tough-nosed in the ear.

She likes to order everybody around. We got kicked out of a restaurant last year because she kept referring to the waitress as a peasant. And the problem is she's the quietest,

sweetest, most politest person I know when she's sober but she becomes the duchess. Or she likes, she's like summoning them? Peasant, the Duchess needs another rouge. I don't think they're in on your role play

when they're getting minimum wage and having to put up with your shit. Exactly. They're out. Play ZM's Fletch Vaughan and Hayley. Play ZM. Hey, you on the phone, I bet I can guess your mum's name. Well, time for another round of I bet I can guess your mum's name.

Vaughan coming to us from his lounge, recovering from COVID-19. And does this affect his psychic abilities? And will his winning hot streak come to an end? Could do, could do. Sheena joins us. Good morning, Sheena. Good morning. How are you guys?

Good, good. Thank you. Vaughan will ask you five questions now about your mum and then have 15 seconds to try and guess her name. Hmm. Sheena. Sheena. Good morning, Vaughan.

Good morning, Sheena. Is Sheena short for anything or is Sheena its name unto itself? Sheena's the name. Sheena. What would it be short for? Sheenanopolis. Roshina. Oh, Roshina.

Yeah, good call. I don't know. I don't know. Sheena, Meena, Babina. Could have been. Close, close. It used to be Sheena the Weena. Oh, Sheena.

Not fair. not fair. Of course it was. Yeah. This is why when you're naming a kid, you've got to run through the teasing filters. Yes, you do. You certainly do. All right, let's start off with a classic here.

How old's your mum? 64. 64. 64. So she was born in 1958, 59? Yep. Same sort of age as my mother. She'll be able to retire next year and get the gold card

and get free ferries and buses. Yeah, I know my mum's looking forward to all those free ferries and buses. She loves the bus, your mum. Rural Waikato free ferries and buses, you know, they're everywhere. Yeah. So Sandwich is my mum, so I'm going to put a Christine on the list. Great name. Okay.

Very popular of the era. Any other? I'm just going to put a Karen and a Sue. Nearly retirees that you know? Names that could work. Mum's friends. Julie. Some of my age.

Julie. Okay. Jen. Jen. Jenny. Jen. Jennifer. That kind of Jennifer kind of encompasses Jenny and Jen, doesn't it?

Yeah. That's a bit of an offer. Linda. Okay. Okay. Now, this is really going to separate your mums from your mummies. What washing powder or liquid does your mum use? My mum, I'll lead by, you know, I'll out her as a cold water surf gal.

Yes. I think mums are. Yeah, I was going to say surf. Yeah, they love it. Because it's the cheapest at Pack and Save, isn't it? Yeah. Exactly. Mum's the Pack and Save lady.

Yeah, same. So is mine. Oh, every mother is if they live close enough to it. They really like to get in there and do a big job. They love the savings, don't they? Yeah. I'm not sure where my mum's chef does his shopping, but I don't know what to ask.

It's one of the bougie ones. Yeah, okay. If he makes one mistake, he's out. Oh, absolutely. That's why you just call him chef, because you can't remember which one he is. No, it's best not to personalise them. Yeah.

Going to put a Mary on the list. Might also do a Pat, Patricia Oh, okay My mum gets the cold water surf in a big sack from the dairy company Really? That's a real rural flex there Well, they've got a lot of washing to do

You can't be midway through the weekend washing and run out of surf Exactly I've got a Sue I was going to put Sue down again I might put a Heather Oh, a Heather Oh a Heather Okay

A Heather That's a classic 60s name isn't it Absolutely Strong Joanne vibes Oh okay Oh yeah And a Shirley for good luck Okay

Shirley Shirley's cold water surf Does mum feel the cold Like is she like Oh gosh it's chilly Yeah Yeah she is Yeah

Okay Trish eh? Trish always needs a blankie Janet Yep Trish is Yep blanket Beanie gloves

Is she Has she got the fire Going already? Not She's upgraded to a heat pump now Oh what? Oh she would love that Oh

Wait no Boomers can't do heat pumps My parents My parents upgraded to a heat pump now. Oh, what? Oh, she would love that. Oh, Lisa. Wait, no. Boomers can't do heat pumps. My parents went to a heat pump a few years ago, and they haven't looked back. Really? It's a game changer. Wow. Okay. Cheryl's got a heat pump.

Did you see Cheryl and Doug got a heat pump? Cheryl and Doug would have a heat pump. Absolutely, they would. Are you thinking Cheryl with a C or Cheryl with an S? S. Oh, S. S? Absolutely. they would. Are you thinking Shira with a C or Shira with an S? S. Oh, S. S? Absolutely.

S. That'd be ridiculous. The more mum, Cheryl. Okay. Kathy? Put that on the list. You're just going through all the parents you know with heat pumps now. Yeah.

It was like the mums The cold one was The mums that hate going on like winter ski holidays Oh yeah Like the ones that were always like no no no They always went to Noosa or Cairns Or something in the summer In the summer break In the winter break rather

Because it was still nice and warm there Might check a Leslie on there though Oh okay Wild Wild Leslie Okay Okay, next question is, what's mum's favourite TV show? Oh. Bet she loves The Chase right before the news.

Yeah, yeah, and I'm actually going to say almost like the Antiques Roadshow or something like that, Country Calendar. I'm like, it's almost embarrassing. Hey, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Don't say country calendar and almost embarrassing on the same matter. It's New Zealand's longest running serial. It's the best TV show we've ever made. And Vaughan's one of Vaughan's favourites. You've insulted Vaughan there, Sheena.

Oh, yeah. Sorry. It's my career absolute end. I don't set goals because this is what I think, Sheena. If you set goals, you're setting yourself up to let yourself down, you know? Yeah. So I don't set goals because this is what I think, Sheena. If you set goals, you're setting yourself up to let yourself down, you know? Yeah. So I don't set goals, but one acquired goal would be to narrate an episode of Country Calendar. That's dream stuff.

And you wonder why your motivational seminars don't sell. Vaughan Smith's motivational seminar coming this month. Don't set goals. You're setting yourself up to let yourself down. Okay. Do we have a Jane on the list? Jane, yeah. Always got to check a Jane on the list.

I'm playing Jane. Okay, so one more question. What are your mum's siblings' names? So you've got a Christine, a Greg, and a John. A Greg and John. Christine, Greg, and John.

God, those are just your absolute classic names of all of them. But that makes me... And then, yeah, the sister's John. Christine, Greg and John. God, those are just your absolute classic names. Salt of the earth. But that makes me... And then, yeah, the sister's Christine. Christine. So that makes me think that mum's name could either be very plain as well

or they could have gone a bit left field. Yeah, maybe she's the youngest and they gave her a Florence or something, you know? Well, Christine was first on my list, so I got Auntie Christine. Yeah, you... Auntie Christine off the bat. Well, we're I'll show you, Christine was first on my list so I got Auntie Christine. Yep. Auntie Christine off the bat. We're not giving you

any money for that. Don't expect any money for that. Can I guess your auntie's name? Can I guess the whole family's name? We may have to move to... I'll take that. You get $100 with every member of the family.

$100 for everyone. Christine, straight off the bat, you're $100 richer. Okay, I think I'm ready. All right, Vaughan, you now have... Hold on,

there's some people messaging in. Now, I don't know if they know you. Actually, that's a very good call. If someone was to recognise the name Sheena, it's a rare name. Yeah, I don't think you can include them. I don't think you can include them. That's very naughty.

If they didn't come to you in your spirit. In your psychic ability. I had one of the people who messaged and I already had her on the list. Right. Now, Vaughan, this is your first time guessing post-COVID-19 infection. Let's see if your psychic abilities have been hampered. Sheena, if you hear your mum's name, yell out,

Stop, that's my mum's name. Your time starts, Vaughan, now. Karen, Sue, Margaret, Julie, Jennifer, Linda, Wendy, Mary, Patricia, Heather, Joanne, Shirley, Janet, Trish, Leslie, Kathy, Marie, Lynn, Jane, Cheryl, Bronwyn, Alison, Rosemary, Sally, Vic. Stop. Stop. Which one? Bronwyn.

Oh. You've had COVID and it hasn't shrunk the psychic ability of your brain. It's still there. It seems so obvious now. Of course it's Bronwyn. How did you get Bronwyn on the list, Vaughn? Someone I know who hates the cold. She really feels the cold.

She's big on slippers and like a robe and everything. She's always doled up to the nines, even in her own house. Does she have a heat pump? Does Bronwyn have a heat pump? Oh, I don't know. She was flatting last time I saw her, so I don't know of her own house. Does she have a heat pump? Does Bronwyn have a heat pump? Oh, I don't know. She was flatting last time I saw her, so I don't know of her current situation. I mean, the rental thing says there must be a heating source,

so she must have a heat pump. Bonus round! While you're on the phone, I'll have a go at guessing your dad's name. Well, because Vaughn has guessed your mum's name, Bronwyn, a bonus round has been triggered. One guess at the dad's name. I loved before when you said Doug.

Bronwyn and Doug. Yeah, Dougie. Bronwyn and Doug does sound good. But then it could be the brother's name was John, wasn't it? Greg and John. It would be weird. You must go straight to the Beatles. Would it be weird to go, like, have a husband called John

when you've got a brother called John? That would be weird, right? Yeah, I couldn't marry a Sam. That would be too weird. No. Yeah, I've often thought that. People with siblings who are married to people with the same name as their siblings, it's a rarity.

It's off. That's John out. Okay, well, if it's not a John, it could be a Paul. Chris. Roddy and Carl? Nah. Nah. Nah. Not Carl. a Paul. Chris. Roddy and Carl? Nah. Nah. Not Carl. What a silly name. Too young for the

60s. For a 60s name. Yeah. Imagine the same sort of age they're in. Dez. John. Doug. Dave. Dave. Broman and Dave. Broman and Dave. Oh, Broman and Dave.

Dave. Yeah, Dave. Okay, Brom and Dave. Brom and Dave. Oh, Brom and Dave. Dave, yeah, Dave. Okay, what are you going to lock in? Yeah, let's lock in Dave. Let's lock in a Dave today. All right, Sheena, what is your dad's name? It's Roger. Roger. I'm playing Rog.

Dad, that's another classic dad name, though, isn't it? Rog, Brom and Rog. I've got an Uncle Rog, so, yeah, that lines up. All right, well, Sheena, we didn't another classic dad name, though, isn't it? Rog. Yeah, Rog. I've got an Uncle Rog, so yeah, that lines up. All right, well, Sheena, we didn't guess Dad's name, but we guessed Mum's name, Vaughan's Psychic Abilities. I'm impressed, Vaughan. You've won $100, Sheena. Well done.

Fantastic. Thank you, guys. All right. Play. ZM's Fletch Vaughan and Hayley. Something very strange happened in our house on Sunday night. Yeah, Sunday night.

So if you don't know, I'm renovating my house at the moment and the back of our house is like an extension. It's like a little like leaning bit and it is very poorly built. I don't know when it was built, but I feel like, you know, like Dave whipped it together on the weekend.

There's this real weird grey area of paperwork and like the early 80s. There's no paperwork for it. Yeah, there's nothing. It was all on paper and there was a flood or a fire at the council offices and there's no existing records of your house. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

There's absolutely nothing for this bit and you can tell why. So the ceiling's been crying, obviously, like it's all been bubbling and then it just broke through and it's been raining in there, so we moved. To be fair, though, the water only broke through into your bedroom when you poked the hole. You made the hole with your finger. I know, but it was only a matter of time till the whole thing broke.

So I was just sort of easing the pressure of it. Yeah, it was that lead paint and asbestos were doing a lot of heavy lifting there. Yeah,

they really were. That lead paint absolutely holds it together, doesn't it? It's good. Hats off to lead paint. Well, asbestos,

but you know, stay tuned because that does appear soon. But anyway, so I came home the other night and Aaron had moved us into the spare room and I was like, that's a good idea. And so I came home the other night and Aaron had moved us into the spare room and I was like, that's a good idea.

And then I came home the other night and I looked and Aaron was out and I looked and the roof was raining and we put a little bucket underneath and I turned off the lights and then Aaron came home and got into bed and then I got up to go to the toilet and the lights were on

and my initial thought, obviously, was ghosts. Yeah, of course. Or Aaron, your fiance toilet and the lights were on and my initial thought, obviously, was ghosts. Or Aaron, your fiancé turned the lights on? Yeah, but why would he do that? He's a real lights-off man. So then I went in and looked, but the lights were going like, like kind of swelling like that. And I was like, that's so weird. And I looked at the

light switch and it wasn't on. Like it wasn't down to be on. Oh, so ghosts. It's got to be ghosts. I thought it was ghosts. At this stage, it's very much ghosts. Yeah. But then when I looked at the light switch and it wasn't on. Like it wasn't down to be on. It's got to be ghosts. I thought it was ghosts. At this stage it's very much ghosts. Yeah. But then when I looked at the light switch, I noticed that it was crying. The light switch.

Ghosts. Was it crying blood? That's ghosts. No, it was just rainwater, I believe. I think it was just crying rainwater. Only in New Zealand would this happen, that your house, your light switches have water pouring out of them. Honestly, shout out to the builder who did our building inspection.

Great job on this one. Our pre-purchase inspection. Anyway, so the light switch was crying and the lights were going like this. And I thought, oh gosh. And I thought, I'll just see if I touch the light switch. Oh no. No, no, no.

I wouldn't touch that. No, my general rule is if something's got electricity surging through it and water's around, I don't touch. Like get a stick, like get a wooden stick. But I just thought, I'll give it a go. And then I went and touched the light switch and it was so hot. It like burnt my finger. And I was like, that's not good.

And I switched it down and like the lights didn't go off and the switch was like near flames, I reckon. And so I ran back into the bedroom and I woke Aaron up and was like, Aaron, we've got a big problem. Now, when you said before he was out, was he drunk? No, no, no, no, no. He was just like having dinner with his family. Oh, okay, right.

Because that would be a horrible problem to wake up to, drunk. Your house is about to catch on fire. Yeah. So Aaron's immediate thing was, and we're quite lucky because the front, the back part, which is the bad part, which we're bowling over, by the way, so none of this really matters, but the front part and the back part are separated on our switchboard, so you can turn off the power to the back part.

So we did that, which was probably what I should have done before I tried the switch. Yeah. And then he was like, we've got to remove this faceplate. This is all happening at like 2 a.m., by the way. And then he was like, we've got to remove this faceplate. This is all happening at like 2am by the way. Oh no. We removed the faceplate and inside was like a gush of water. Like the whole,

the walls, the roof, everything is full of water. And I don't know how, but obviously like the water kind of touched some of the wires and made the lights go on. Anyway, so then he was like, I need to know what's happening behind this. We're like, well, look, it's getting bold anyway.

Just have a dig in. Dig, dig, dig, dig, dig. Like smash through some of the jib board. And then Aaron just stops because I'm holding the torch at this point. And he goes, is that glitter in that jib board? I was like, oh, please don't be asbestos. And so we've already been standing there

like smashing this wall. Oh, right. And inhaling a carcinogen. Inhaling the asbestos. And that's when we stopped and we just like closed the whole thing, kept the power off. But we woke up in the morning

and had a builder come around and it's not asbestos. Like we were so close to having that catch on fire. If my one kidney didn't constantly make me need to go to the toilet, we wouldn't have woken up and that would have just got hot. I like how you said before,

it doesn't really matter, it's getting bowled down. But if it catches on fire, it's still up and connected to the part that you're keeping. So it kind of did matter. Maybe a good time to check the smoke alarms in the rest of the house. Yeah, we have done a test. Maybe a good time to check the smoke alarms in the rest of the house. Yeah, we have done a test. Good, good, good. All right, well, we're happy to have you here today, Hayley.

Lucky to be alive. You're lucky to be here. Yeah. Fact of the day is about pasta. Because carbohydrates. Yum. Because carbohydrates. Bravo.

Favourite type of pasta? Favourite type of pasta? I'm always a pappardelle, like a big, thick, wide spaghetti. Oh, really? Like a ribbony, big ribbony spaghetti? Yeah,, like a big, thick, wide spaghetti. Oh, really? Like a ribbony, big, ribbony spaghetti? Yeah, with like a beef cheek ragu. Oh, she's posh. She's posh.

She likes a big jelly. What is like a fettuccine? A creamy fettuccine. Oh, you're so embarrassing. I'm embarrassed here. He's going to tell us a creamy chicken fettuccine. I love a creamy chicken and mushroom fettuccine. Oh, my God.

I'm so embarrassed for you. Don't at me. That's delicious. Get some class. So, Tuscan. Tuscan, apparently. Because this is the thing about pasta, very regional to Italy. Oh, okay.

But that's not today's fact of the day. Today's fact of the day is there is over 350 officially recognized types of pasta in Italy. What? However, in the 13th century, the earliest records of pasta, there was four basic pasta. Okay. Spaghetti. I will give you $10 each if you can tell me what the four original ones were. Penne. No, not penne. Yeah, spaghetti.

So, yes, spaghetti, but officially known as vermicelli at the time. Oh, is that all? Skinny. Macaroni elbows. Macaroni is one of them, yes. Lasagna sheets? No, not lasagna sheets. Macaroni elbows. Spirals.

The bow? No. No, not the... Oh. Not the... Cannelloni. Not cannelloni. I'm out.

Ravioli? Ravioli, yes. There's a third. There's a third. There's a third. And one more. One more to go until we're rich as lords.

The last one is different to all the others in the fact that it's not. Yes. Oh, yeah. Okay. There's your four. Those are the four passes found in the earliest mention of pastor from the 13th century. And now there are what?

In the Italian peninsula. Ridiculous amounts. 350 officially recognised, but they're always adding more. How do you get them recognised? I guess there's some sort of pasta board. Yeah, there'd be a board, a form. Yeah, a form. Yeah, there's a form to fill out.

So you say it's quite regional. Does that mean that, like, all of these, like, for example, there could be the same shape or look of pasta in one region, but it's called something in another, so that's two different kinds? It could be the same shape or look of pasta in one region, but it's called something in another. So that's two different kinds. It could be recognised. For example, fettuccine is like... Embarrassing. It's an embarrassing

but it's more known as a Roman, particularly in the area of Rome and Tuscan. Compared to other areas of... Yeah, and I mean, it's like the ones where there's more seafood, they have a lighter pasta, whereas when Hayley mentioned they're a delicious ragu, a thick, rich beef ragu

with a thicker pasta. So, you know, you think your seafood linguine is a little bit skinnier and lighter. Or like a clam sort of spaghetti, you know? You just need a straight up spaghetti. Right. And I've actually, speaking of pasta, I've written in my diary,

remind myself this weekend for the triumphant return to studio next week, I will be making pulled pork mac and cheese. Oh, it's overdue. It's overdue. It's what we're all going to need on the universal return to studio. So I don't want anyone bringing breakfast. Monday.

Because we're all having pulled pork mac and cheese for breakfast. Right, which is one of the types of pasta you can find in Italy. Yes, which is today's fact of the day. In the original writings of pasta, there was you can find in Italy. Yes, which is today's fact of the day is there was, in the original writings of pasta, there was only four initial pastas. Fact of the day, day, day, day, day. Yeah. What do you think they talk about? Talk about us.

Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley. Play ZM. Well, of course, it was the Queen's Platinum Jubilee pageant over the weekend. A lot of performers. Of course, Elton was there. Rod Stewart was there. Paddington Beer was there.

Paddington. Paddington. Paddington Bear was there. Paddington. Paddington. But who really stole the show was, of course, Little Prince Louis. Now, that's the young boy. He's a shitbag, isn't he? He's a little shitbag. Little rat shitbag. So this is the young boy of Will and Kate.

Yeah. And there was this perfect moment captured on camera where little Louie's like having a little bratty moment and Catherine's a little bit like, darling, we're on display. Not only does he like pull a raspberry, like a literal like, with his finger on his nose

and his tongue out like, he also takes a little swipe at her. He raised his hand. He raised his hand. I tell you what, I would have lost that hand had it been my mother in the 90s. I have never lifted a hand in the direction of either of my parents because, as you say, it wouldn't have been a hand you'd ever have got back.

No. When I was a kid, because I was a bit of a bratty child, this may shock you, slightly dramatic, but I used to always swing my arm back like, like I'm gonna hit her and my mum would always grab the wrist real tight. Yeah. Yes. We don't do that anymore, but look, it was

the good old days. Because people were laying into her about her parenting after that, eh? I was really divided. Everybody was like, you should have like come down on the kid hard. Or everyone was like, oh, no, she handled it beautifully. You know, the world was watching and she was strict but fair. Yeah, and she was sort of laughing a bit and being like, come on now, come on.

And he was really, like, not having a bar of it. We all saw that and thought if we were that age, back when we were that age, we would have got a hiding or. It was always like my mum, if it was public like this, my mum would always sort of look like she's like holding my hand, but she would be slowly, but surely tightening the vice of the hand.

And then you'd be like, ow, you're hurting me. And then just like a really quiet, stern word in close. Yeah. I always knew I was in trouble with my parents. My mum would clench her teeth. Oh, yep, yep.

And start talking like that. And I'm just, because I'm smiling, but truly you are going to pay when we get home. Or my mum used to call me, I think I've said this before, she used to call me a little witch. What, like stop being a little witch? Yeah, yeah, yeah. But like because it was close to the B word?

Close to the B word and she like obviously wouldn't just call me a B word as a kid. So it was like stopping a little witch. Wow. Anyway, but this, I mean, I think like everyone's seen this video if you haven't, go and watch it. Because it's very relatable, I imagine, as a parent. Yeah. When your kid is just like misbehaving at the worst time. Yeah.

But we wanted to like, we wanted to ask, when did you know that you were in trouble? What was the sign that you were in for a world of pain? Yeah. Or like you were big time in trouble with your parents. I think when like the wooden spoon came out. Oh yeah, the wooden spoon. Yeah, the wooden spoon. Oh yeah, but if you were out somewhere, what did Bev just have the wooden spoon came out. Oh, yeah, the wooden spoon. Yeah, the wooden spoon.

Oh, yeah, but if you were out somewhere, what did Bev just have the wooden spoon in her purse? Oh, no, that was only in the utensil drawer. She had a little mini one in the purse. Did Mum always say, you wait till your dad's home? Oh, yes. Yeah, that was a good one, eh? No, my mum was a woman who, she was a feminist ahead of her time.

She beat her children herself. If there were children to be beaten, she wasn't waiting for no man to stroll in to show her how it was done. She'd just get stuck into it. My mum in public had this look and it was a slow turn of the head, like really comically slow and when her eyes

met yours, her eyes would flare. Like that robot in Squid Games. Yes. Just a turn and then stop. And then her eyes would flare and you'd be like, oh, guys, guys. And then you'd be like, oh, enough time's passed. She's forgotten about it.

She's forgotten about it. And you'd get in the car and the minute that door shut, clink, she'd be like, now we need to have a chat about what happened before. And you'd be like. Or like when your mum would say, I beg your pardon. And you'd go, oh, no, no, no. I regret everything.

I regret everything. Nothing, nothing, nothing. What? We want to take your calls now. 0800-DARLS-AT-HEM-9696. How did you know as a kid that you were going to be in trouble? And it's normally when you're out in public or around friends, they'd say something or do something, and you knew it was coming.

You were going to be in big trouble. Look, obviously, we're not promoting smacking your kids. No, we've all learned from the 80s and 90s. If it's a story from the 80s and 90s, we'll accept it. The Jubilee celebrations over the weekend. Prince Louis stealing the show. Yeah. Acting like a little rat bag.

And his mum dealt with it really well when she could have just like pinched his leg. We couldn't see his leg. She could have like pinched it. Giving it a kick. This is about great grandma. Great granny. Yeah, she's the great granny. Great granny special day. So we want to

know how you knew when you were in big, big trouble. Nat messaged in saying, if I got called Natalie instead of Nat, it was all on. We knew that it was going to be big, big, big trouble. Big smacks when you got home? Yeah, Bella replied to us on Instagram saying that one time

it wasn't just a standard family meeting. You knew family meeting was going to be big trouble, but family meeting also included both my stepmother and my stepfather. Oh, wow, okay. Full panel there. Full panel. If you're involved in the step-parents, there's some trouble to be, absolute trouble to be had.

We want to know how you knew as a kid that you were in big trouble when you got home. Maybe you were out and about. Yeah, was there a look? Was there a code word? What was it? Anonymous has called up. Anonymous, how did you know

you were in big, big trouble as a kid? Hey, guys. So, me and my five siblings would sit in the church pew with my parents, if any of us started playing up or grizzling, mum would just simply raise her hand a little bit off her thigh, lift it up, and we'd know we were going to get a hiding a foot and shut up. Good church-going Christians there.

Feather on, feather trough. So the hand would come up a little bit and you just knew that was it. Yeah, and everyone would just mute. Wow, that's some absolute power play from mum, isn't it? Oh, yeah, she's a strong Welsh lady. Amazing. Anonymous, sexy cool.

Carl, how did you know you were in big trouble when you were a kid? Sorry, more than a team. More than a? Look, it was the old man, and if he got this massive vein on his forehead and one of his temples started to sort of throb a little bit, you kind of knew that you were sort of in trouble. But when you know it was really bad,

it was when the sinew in his neck started to show. Oh, wow. Oh, wow. Which would pop up first, the vein, the temple? Obviously, the neck was last as a show of the sign that it was almost over. It was definitely the vein. I think he had been dwelling on it, and then the jaw clenching, I think, caused the temple to go.

But the thing was, he never raised a hand to any of our kids. It was about an hour-long sermon on what we had done wrong and how we'd let the family down. God, that's worse. I'd rather just have a smack rather than get an hour-long. Oh, yeah, look, me and my sister, we were begging for the jug court or the belt by the end of it. Rather than an hour lecture.

Carl, thanks. You called some messages in. Somebody said, I remember when I was 10, we were in Video Easy. Man, if this isn't taking you back to the 90s, I don't know what is. I really wanted a K-Bar. I asked mum if I could have a K-Bar.

She said, you can get one if your sister wants one. So I asked my little sister and she said no, but only because she didn't want me to have one. She wanted one, but she really, and I said, you're such a dick.'t want me to have one. She wanted one, but she really, and I said, you're such a dick. Now, I must have said it quite loudly because I had instant regret. Mum's head slowly turned towards me and said,

you wait till we get into that car, Fiona. I was, everything about this is so 90s. It's so 90s, I love it. We got in the car and drive off and I thought, oh, phew, I've got away with it. She then pulled over the car and drove off, and I thought, oh, phew, I've got away with it. She then pulled over the car and beat me. Beat my bare ass on the side of the road, and cars were going past.

It was very traumatic. Isn't that weird? Like, it's weird to me as a parent, but also remembering thinking of it at the time. You said a word like dick, which is, you know, you don't want your kids rattling off saying dick too much, but your answer to it was to beat them. Like, it seems so you're basically teaching your kid, if someone says a word you don't like, the way to solve

this is to attack them. Yeah, the 90s. 80s and 90s. And pre. Yeah, pre. For hundreds of years. Someone said we had a wooden spoon that was written on it, tool of learning. So, Jesus. So if your parents or caregiver did an angry strut to the drawer

instead of rummaging through the drawer looking for the tool of learning, you knew what was about to happen. Even now as a 28-year-old, I get triggered by the sound of a utensil drawer being opened and rummaged through. I wonder if mum used the tool of learning for the bollock maze as well. Oh, absolutely. I'd say so, yeah.

Maybe after a rinse. Sure. Yeah, mum said, somebody said, you knew you were in trouble if mum would laugh, but you could tell it was the tone of her laugh when she was laughing at the sheer audacity you had to think you were going to get away with something. Amazing.

The laugh of sheer audacity. That's so well put. That sounds so threatening. So threatening. ZM's Fletch Vaughan and Hayley.