ZM's Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley - Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley Podcast - 8th June 2022

Episode Date: June 7, 2022

Friends!  Top 6: Wiggles  Community Notices  The Impossible Phoner  Vaughans Lunchbox War  Silly Little Poll!See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

For a few years, in the 1970s, the Mr Asia syndicate made millions. Heroin creates its own market. It acts like a form of play. Until jealousy, betrayal and murder brought it all crashing down. Then he just pulled out a gun, shot her in the back of the head, and then said to Wayne, you're going to help me bury her. This is Mr Asia, A Forgotten History. All episodes now available on iHeartRadio, Apple, Spotify, or wherever you get your podcasts.

The ZM Podcast Network. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley. Hello, welcome to the Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley podcast. Thanks to McCafe Graber Rich Smooth Barista Made Coffee. I was under a lot of pressure yesterday on the set of The Great Kiwi Bake Off. I will say the catering on The Great Kiwi Bake Off, and I don't care if anyone from Warner Brothers is listening, it's shit. It's absolutely terrible.

The food they make on the show is amazing, but behind the scenes they'll just give you what? The food they're baking is incredible, but you can't survive on it, otherwise you're going to cardiac arrest. So they give you just a bagged lunch, but because it's such a big set, they're all in the fridge, so everything's in the fridge. So if you've got corn chips or something, they've been refrigerated for 24 hours. Right. So you're just getting some egg sammies or something?

Yeah, sammies. Yeah, right, okay. Sammies and a bean salad and the likes. Look, it's absolutely fine, but I have a higher palate. So we've been, and the judges and my co-host Pax and I, we've been sort of making lunches for each other. And yesterday it was my turn. Oh, no.

I had to make lunch for Chef Peter Gordon, who has an ONZM from the Bloody Queen. Well, yeah, and restaurants. Like, no, thank you. I just ate the cold bean salad. I know. I would not want to be cooking in front of a chef. I, yeah, and restaurants. Like, no, thank you. I just ate the cold bean salad. I know. I would not want to be cooking in front of a chef. I know, I was trembling.

And then I thought maybe he'd think I was trash because I cut up coriander and I included the stalks. Is that trash? No, that's not. He'd make the most of everything, wouldn't he? He truly, this is of his belief, but I didn't know at the time how ooh-la-la fancy he was. And I was making like a very humble

chicken noodle soup like Chinese chicken noodle soup with a lot of fresh herbs on top. What is it? Chicken of China? The Chinese chicken? Yeah That's the name of the dish I was beside myself I've never had to sort of like

give something to someone who's the master of that thing I've never had to do that. Similar something to someone who's the master of that thing. I've never had to do that. The similar pressure to when, say, like friends are coming over and you're cooking everything? Yeah, for sure. But worse. If your friends were award-winning, queen-recognized chefs. Anyway, he liked it.

He bloody lapped it up and went back for seconds. But he probably said that. Sometimes, yeah. Sometimes the posh people With the finesse They just like a bit of home cooking You know They don't

They don't mind a little bit of Bog standard chicken Chicken soup for the soul Yeah I think the chicken Was a bit dry though It was a bit dry Okay Ah

But he didn't say anything Yeah I mean Don't be surprised If you head to Homeland His restaurant in Auckland And there is A Chinese chicken noodle soup On the menu With dry chicken Yeah, I mean, don't be surprised if you head to Homeland, his restaurant in Auckland, and there is a Chinese chicken noodle soup on the menu.

With dry chicken. And specifically, quite dry chicken and very stalky coriander. Thank you, Lee. Good morning. Welcome to the show, Fleets. Vaughan and Hayley, it's three minutes past six. Vaughan on his last day of COVID lockdown at home. Yeah, day seven? You start on zero. Yeah.

I don't know. Yeah, it's a thing. It's a whole thing. But yeah, here I am. I'm still locked out. What percent are you feeling? I think I don't know. I didn't have a great sleep.

It feels like I've gone backwards today. Aww. Feels like I was two days ago. Yesterday was good and then, yeah, look, I'm not here to complain. I'm alive. You're right. I've got yummy, I've got a great excuse to eat yummy butter menthol lozenges. Aww, Basha.

It's like I'm having a hard boiled sweet eight times a day. What better excuse? And I don't even need this. Choose a better lozenge. I know. A hard-boiled sweet dipped in butter. That's the good stuff.

I don't know about that. Hideous stuff. All right, on the show this morning, another chance for you to win free fuel with our retro petrol time machine. We'll do it again at 8 o'clock this morning. Thanks to Gail. And right across the day as well, midday and 5 o'clock with Bree and Clint as well. The top six is on the way soon.

Yeah, the Wiggles are going to be coming back to New Zealand. And you can expect to see some title changes for some of their songs. Oh, okay. The top six Wiggles song title changes post-pandemic. Now, I say post-pandemic. I'm very well aware we're still mid-pandemic. You say that with COVID in your system. I'm not of the belief we're done with this.

Yeah. And it certainly isn't done with us. Right. So they've had to, what, rejig some of their songs. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Some of the titles that they had before obviously don't work so well now. I saw the list of all the places they're going. I don't know if you know this, Hayley,

but last time the Wiggles were here in Christchurch, Vaughan pestered them in the car park of the Quest Hotel. Do you remember that? I remember this, yeah. Oh, God, it was embarrassing. It was in Dunedin, actually, not Christchurch. They were on their way to Christchurch. God, no, you were a little too.

Well, that changes everything. I was upset, though, actually, not Christchurch. They were on their way to Christchurch. God, no, you're a little too... Well, that changes everything. I was upset, though, to see the list this time. There's no adults-only show. You know they do the adults-only shows in Aussie all the time? The OG Wiggles, though. The OG Wiggles. Oh, right. You're Jeff, you're Murray, you're Greg.

What do they do at an adults-only Wiggles show? Do they strip? No, they say, like, bad words. They go to the pub and they have a few beers with, like, people who grew up on the, you know, the OG Wiggles and who are all over, you know, 18, 20 now. And, yeah, they have a few beers with them and play, like, covers of songs,

like, heavier versions of their original Wiggles songs. So it's like fruit salad. It's effing yummy. Yeah, exactly. Exactly. Which would be amazing to see. Which would be amazing to see. It would be amazing to see. That actually would be a lot of fun.

No adults only tour for New Zealand with their latest Wiggles announcement. Coming up next on the show, though. How many friends do we actually need? I'm going to give you a number and then I'm going to start doing some live on-air culling. Play. ZM's Fletchvorn and Hayley. going to give you a number and then I'm going to start doing some live on-air culling. Now, if you missed the top of the hour, Vaughan has officially announced that the pandemic is over. So we just want to

celebrate that. We're reading a lot of articles at the moment that keep saying post-pandemic, post-pandemic this, this, this, this. Yeah. And of course we're still in the thick of it. But post-pandemic, we are now dealing with a loneliness

epidemic. Now what's the difference between epidemic and a pandemic? The oh, how far it's spread? How many people are affected? Hit me, hit me with a quick... Okay, I've Googled.

I've Googled. Let's start. An epidemic is a disease that affects a large number of people within a community, population, or region. A pandemic is an epidemic that's spread over multiple countries, all continents. Oh, right. Okay, so an epidemic is more localized. Yeah.

Yeah. But you'd say that would be a pandemic as well because that would also be affecting the world, this loneliness thing. I know. Well, maybe. So from one pandemic to the next. I know.

So now we're in a loneliness pandemic. And then, God, now there's monkey pox. I just don't want to be around at the moment. I just want to go into like an ice chamber kind of hibernation for, what are we going to give it, 10 years? When Vaughan's finished his bunker, his underground bunker, we'll just go live with Vaughan. Yeah, how are we going with that, Vaughan?

I got puffed. I started getting puffed. This is the problem. The pandemic, it makes you puffed, and so you can't actually build your bunker or get your plans off the ground. It's very hard to start making your post-pandemic perfect situation because you're puffed. You're so puffed all the time.

Vaughan, this is a great little segue because you don't need to make it too big. Because apparently we don't need that many friends. And people are looking at friendships now post-quote, quote-unquote post-pandemic. Yeah. Because of this loneliness thing, because we haven't been socialising, we've been losing friends along the way. People have been really isolated.

But all this research, like lots of research through the years has shown we don't really need that many friends. In fact, having as much as one meaningful, deep relationship with a friend can be enough to sustain you for life. It's quality, isn't it? It's quality over quantity.

I always remember my mum telling me when I was a kid, you can count your good friends on one hand. And I used to be like, no, there's Shiloh and Leah and Astrid. And then she'd be like, none of these people are going to be around anymore. Do you go to Hogwarts? Those names weren't ordinary children's names. All real people.

So apparently in your 20s, we collect people, and that's because we're like developing our sense of self. We're sort of getting things from lots of people. But as we head into our 30s and the middle of our life, we tend to let them drop away. So many, many, many years ago, there was some research. It's called the Dunbar number. we tend to let them drop away. So many, many, many years ago, there was some research. It's called the Dunbar number.

That means we can only have the capacity to know, not well, but just to know 150 people in our life. So that includes all of your family, all people you've worked with, people that you'd stop and say like, hi, to on the street. But out of that, five is the amount of friends we are capable of sustaining. Yeah, it's a good number. It's a good number.

Manageable. Like giving everything to. Because otherwise, you're basically like having these sort of thin, flimsy relationships that you are like spread too thin across

because you can't like give all your time to these people. So we've only got enough capacity for five. And I've got to tell you guys... We're out. Are we out? I like you

both so much. It's a great working relationship, I think. As a professional team, I think we all get along great. Oh, fantastic. But you're already at your limit. I'm taxed out. Because I had to cut down for the bunker, so that's great. I'm maxed out. Because I had to cut down for the bunker.

So that's great. Well, I didn't uninvite myself from the bunker. And I'm taking it, Hayley, you don't want to come to the birthday lunch. I thought I was already booked in for that, though. Well, no, but if you're saying that we're not that good of friends, we probably could lose a wine at the table. And then we don't have to do the set menu. You know why Fletch

wants to cut numbers from his birthday lunch? He's found out the minute you go over eight, you have to do the set menu. And he does not want to have to do the set menu. So to him, it's more important to cut someone so he gets to eat what he wants rather than see all the people he wants to see on his birthday. I don't like to be dictated to by a restaurant. It is.

It's over eight and I'm number nine. I'm number nine and I know it. I can almost see it at Fletcher's birthday lunch. He's gonna get there, he's gonna be like, okay guys, we need to sit at two separate tables so they don't think we're one big group and then we don't have to do the set menu.

I did consider two tables of eight just to get around their stupid rules. How are you gonna divide these tables? are you going to divide these tables? How are you going to divide these tables? Which one are you going to sit at, the primary table? You're right. And then you're going to have a secondary table. You're right.

Five is the perfect number. You go over five friends and it's too many. Restaurants start meddling in your life. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley. Well, this comes to us from the UK. I'd love to see like a news organisation do this here in New Zealand. They use the Official Information Act, or their version of it in the UK, the Freedom of Information Act, they call it,

to ask all of the police forces in the UK for the names of criminals. I guess from the last maybe year or two. And then they compiled the list to see the most popular names of criminals. I guess from the last maybe year or two. And then they compiled the list to see the most popular names of criminals. I'd love that. I would like then to run against the database of actual just names.

And then do some maths. I don't know what you would call this maths. It would be fascinating though. Because you know your Johns are going this maths. It would be fascinating, though. Because, you know, your Johns are going to be highly represented because Johns are very popular. John is on the list, yes. You sort of want like a per capita result.

Yes, I want to know how many Johns per John, you know. Yeah, this is what I want Stats New Zealand to be doing, not the census that they are always doing. But they could get this from the census, you know. Yeah, they could. So I've got the top 10 male and female names. It's quite funny. The males, number one has 1,000 criminal charges, this one name,

whereas the number one female name has 117 criminal charges. You were delicate. I won't hear that men are the problem actually Men are the problem Men are the problem. I'll give you the top 10 law breaking female names Louise, Michelle Oh bloody Louise. Oh Michelle's naughty

Those are my sister's two names. Her name is Michelle Louise and she's criminal. Nicole isn't at number 8. Rachel at 7 Kelly at 6. Oh Kelly's normal. Kelly's are always number eight. Rachel at seven. Kelly at six. Oh, Kelly's normal. Kelly's are always appearing in court, aren't they? Yeah.

Yeah. Kelly's always in court. Lauren, she loves a court appearance too at five. Lisa at four on the list. Claire at three on the most criminal name, female names. Amy at number two on the list. And the number one law-breaking female name, this is from the UK, Sarah. Oh, bad girl Sarah.

Yeah. Sarah. But again, all of those names are very popular. So like you say, Vaughn, it would be interesting to compare them. Yeah, I'd like to know how many Sarahs per Sarah. Yeah. The top ten law-breaking male names, Andrew at 10, Prince Andrew, so yes.

Christopher at 9, Lee at 8, Mark at 7. Oh, Lee. Yeah, Lee. John at 6, James at 5, Paul at 4, then Michael, Daniel at two, and David, the number one law-breaking male name in the UK. So there's a John and a Paul and a George in there.

So no Ringo on the top ten? No, no Ringo, no. Wow. But yeah, I don't know if that's if you're naming a baby, if you steer clear of those. They're all pretty... Well, I was expecting some more, but maybe this will be in a few years' time, a few more Cadens and Jadens. Yes.

You know the New Zealand Lusselt have a Caden and Jaden on there. A Caden and Jaden. A Cade. Anything that rhymes with that. Your Cadens, your Hadens, your Jadens. Your Zakaias. Your Badens. Yeah, your Xaviers.

100%. Your Zacharies. Play ZM's Fletchford and Hayley. Now, listen up tall people, 100% your Zachary's play ZM's Fletch Vaughan and Hayley now listen up tall people and that is everyone in this current

Zoom meeting and anyone 5'9 and above they're saying is tall which I said this morning that's not that tall and then Jared Jared cried

and got quite upset with me yeah he had to leave the room he did have to have a quiet breath just to not kill me. So 5'9 is what they are considering as tall. For this study that was conducted using a quarter of a million people of white, Hispanic and black descent, I guess, in the US this was done.

Looking at tall people and the health problems they are more likely to suffer as a result of being tall. Or sort of like, if you're a tall person, you are more likely to have these things. And I've got to tell you, they're not good. We're more prone to, how tall are you guys? I'm five. I'm six.

I'm five eleven. Six two. I say five ten.. I'm six. Six foot. Six two. I say five ten. So I'm the unhealthiest. Yeah, you're the worst off. Tall people, the top conditions associated with being tall, blood clots, deep vein thrombosis. Thrombosis.

Remember, I had that. Remember, I had that. I've had that. Yeah. It's a tall man issue. Bone infections, irregular heartbeat, calluses,

nerve damage, dizziness, because it's so bloody tall up here where the atmosphere is different. Brain cell damage, inflammation, leg ulcers, skin ulcers,

toe deformities, varicose veins, leg pain, and fungal infections in the nails. Now I had a foot fungal rash, didn't I? Yeah,

but you don't wear jandals when you shower at the gym. I used to, but I keep forgetting. I keep forgetting. I just have a beer bag in the gym. Towards the start of that list, did you say calluses? Calluses, yeah. It seems like that's not comparable to blood clots and nerve damage. I do want to say, Vaughan, this study is sort of a strange one.

So they got a quarter of a million people, 250,000 people, and they just basically got them to state everything that they had and they found common grounds of, like, why these people have it. They did not really look into why, like, why these health conditions are more associated with tall people. But one theory is that blood has to be pumped a longer distance, like where there's more length in us, so the blood's got to be pumped longer,

which can reduce blood flow, which is essential for keeping your body healthy. But wouldn't if you were bigger, you'd just have a bigger heart as well to compensate for this? I mean, I'm not telling evolution how to work, but this seems like a shortfall. I mean, the body is very good at compensating for things, isn't it? It just goes, oh, you're cold.

I'm going to put hair on your body and warm you up. It also says just in general carrying more body mass. So if there's taller, there's more of you. It puts more pressure on things like bones, muscles, and feet, which can be maybe about the fungal toe infections and calluses. I'm just so amazed that 5'11 is considered tall. I thought it would have at least kicked in around 6'1, 6'2. No, 5'9.

Sorry, 5'9, yeah. That's like a size 9 shoe. You can't wear a size 9 shoe and say you've got a big foot. That's stock standard. That's the middle of the range. If you buy a sample size and you can fit a size 9, I don't think that got a big foot. That's stock standard. That's the middle of the range. If you buy a sample size and you can fit a size nine, I don't think that's a big foot. So the average height of a male Kiwi is five foot, like 10 inches, 9.97 inches.

So we're all stuffed basically. And we're getting bigger. Aren't we getting bigger and taller? Yeah. With every year? You know, the Dutch really shot up there. The Dutch used to be one of the shortest nations, and then they started eating properly.

You know, they were malnourished, it turned out, and they started eating right. And they're now one of the tallest, straightest, thickest, you know, complimentary there, thickest. I'm not saying big, kind of square nations. It's probably the Dutch blocks. Probably that yuck licorice Blocks. Nations. Yeah, big Dutch blocks. Probably that yuck licorice they eat. Oh, the salty licorice.

Oh, yeah, it's all that salty licorice. Gross. Dry fish. Anyway, so if you can choose a height, choose shortness. I don't know if you can just choose to be short. No, if you're rocking around tall, I'd reconsider. Okay, just shrink yourself down. I'd just reconsider. Yeah, yeah, shave off a bit of the shin.

We've been doing all this late night talking. Play ZM's Fletch Vaughan and Hayley. Play ZM. From the bustling ZM think tank, this is the top six. Hello. The Wiggles have announced tour dates across Aotearoa in 2022.

That's this year. Yeah. So this is the first Wiggles tour without Emma as well. Yellow Wiggle Emma retiring her bows. Yeah. I really thought. So high has joined. Oh, okay.

When we ran into them, it really blew. It just kind of blew me away because I imagine that they'd jet in a private jet. You know, they'd be waited on, looked after, have, you know, a big management tour, minders. Yeah. They just all travel around in a bloody Previa, don't they? Yeah, big van. Stay at budget hotels.

Yep. It's just like, oh, the life of a Wiggles rock star. They stayed in the same hotel we did. That's saying something. That's saying something. That's embarrassing. Yeah. I believe it was a Quest Service Department, which was lovely, wasn't it?

They had the little coffee sachets, didn't it? It was lovely. But I was expecting a five-star hotel for the Wiggles. Yeah, they're worth millions, aren't they? Yeah, they make bank. The Wiggles make bank. But that's why they make bank, because they're not blowing it all on, you know, private jets and five-star hotels.

That's true. They do. They spend their money on pretty wise investments rather than, you know, accommodation. They're only there to sleep. After all, remember we saw the big Wiggles, Simon. He was going out for a couple of beers, wasn't he, to watch some footy? He was, yeah. Oh my God.

I would have thought his body was a temple. Oh. Yeah, a temple full of beers. Monks were the first to brew beer, remember,

so. True. He found a workaround. It is the juice of life. It is the Jesus juice. So the world's changed since they were last here. I've got the top six

wiggles hits with their new titles. Okay. Yeah, number six on the list. Any parent will be very well aware of the Wiggles song, Rock-a-bye your beer. Yep. Everybody clap. Bop, bop, bop.

Rock-a-bye your beer. It was a big one. Yeah. That's been renamed now. It's called Rock-a-bye your shares. Of course, the share market's pretty much been in free fall lately. Hayley, have you opened your sharesies lately? Because I did mine the other day and I was like,

the only thing that kept me going was, if mine's this bad, Hayley's has got to be worse. Well, remember, I've actually forgotten my login, so God knows what's happening in there. How do you not have your... Oh, God, this is your money and you... I don't know. I don't know.

I don't... You remember in 2020 when the share market was going well in the first bout of COVID. I was up there. My simple return was up at 16%. I'm now at negative 2%. Oh, wow. For simple return. But I tell you what, when it bounces back, guys...

I got to negative four last 16th of May. I was at negative four. Oh dear. But I'm just over now. I'm like 0.2%. I'm doing well, guys. You're just back. I'm just back. So you're back because you were day trading there for a while.

Yeah, I was day trading. I was, yeah. Unfortunately. Real Wolf of Wall Street stuff. That was an accident, though. That and you? I was, yeah. Unfortunately. Real Wolf of Wall Street stuff. That was an accident, though. That and the Quaaludes, you were really into a Wolf of Wall Street poll. Oh, yeah. God.

Okay, I'm resetting. Okay, stand by for Hayley's update. Remember this number, 206. 206. I can't have people claiming my riches. Oh, right. I thought it was just going to be a reset code. I didn't know. claiming my riches. Oh, right. I thought it was just going to be a reset code. I didn't know.

I thought they'd need all the rest of your details. Number five on the list of the top six Wiggles songs that have had a rework since their last tour. You'll remember Hot Potato, Hot Potato, a Wiggles classic. Yeah. A Wiggles classic. That's been renamed Cold Potato, Expensive Potato.

Oh, yeah. The potatoes aren't hot. That's too expensive to do. And potatoes just themselves are very, very expensive. Yeah, well, all fruit and veg has gone up, hasn't it? Yeah. Yeah, even the humble spud. Number four on the list of the top six are Wiggles songs

that have probably had a rework since they last toured. Toot Toot, Chugga Chugga, Big Red Car. Not with those gas prices. No. Toot Toot, Chugga Chugga, Big Red Bus big red car. Not with those gas prices. No. Chugga-chugga big red bus pass. Yeah. Public transport. Is public transport still half-priced?

Yeah, but not like to go intercity. Not like the intercities. No, no, but I'm just saying don't drive your car to work if you get a half-priced public transport. Absolutely. And just judging by the look on Hayley's face, she's logged into Sharesies. Absolutely. And just judging by the look on Hayley's face, she's logged into Sharesies. Yeah.

I've reset my password. Okay. How are you doing? I've put in $85. Yep. And my portfolio is currently worth $83. Well, that's not too bad. That's not too bad.

My total is negative $1.32. It's a long game. It's a long game. It's a long game. Do you think I need to put in more money? Yeah. Well, you buy low, don't you? You buy low. That's the idea.

There's an old saying about getting out of a hole. How do you get out of a hole? Ladder. You dig your way out. You keep digging. You keep digging. You dig your way out. Is that?

Okay. You dig some stairs. You dig some steps. You dig the hole and you fill in the hole behind you and eventually, of course, you get back to 11. What if the hole collapses in on you? Yes, that's what it feels like is coming my way. How deep is this hole?

Very. Should I put pause on these renovations and just put that whole budget in shares? Go for it. All right. Aaron. It's happening. Number three on the list

of the top six Wiggles songs that'll need a rework since their last tour. Things have changed. Wake Up Jeff, of course. Very famous Wiggles song is now Wake Up Jeff, the long COVID exhaustion remix.

Oh, no. Well, no wonder he needs to sleep. He's had two bouts of COVID. Yeah, don't wake up Jeff. Let Jeff rest. It's very important he rests to try to get it all sorted. Number two on the list of the top six

Wiggles songs that will need a rework since their last tour. You know, there was a song, Point Your Fingers and Do the Twist. That song has become Point Your Fingers and Cancel Someone for Something They Said in 2009. Not enough to worry about in the world. We're delving into historical

opinions and cancelling people for things they said now 13 years ago. And number one on the list of the top six Wiggles songs that will need a rework since their last concerts here. Fruit Salad Yummy Yummy is now Fruit Salad Can't Afford That.

Who can afford to just play that fast and loose with fruit? It's a very expensive game. Wild. Wild concept. That's today's top six. But producer Jared, you've got great news for us. You just lost for words

there. I don't know if you guys are ready for this. He's absolutely shocked. He's coming to some money because I don't know, your girlfriend got a bit of money back from IRD, didn't she? Yep, yep, she sure did. How much did she get? The mini got $880. $880.

Now, you guys aren't here at work. You're currently broadcasting on Zoom, but it could be Jared's shout when you guys are back in the office on Monday because we quite often go to the cafe after work, don't we? Oh, yeah, or a bun me, a bun me. Yeah. Oh, bun me. Jared got some great news.

He got the email from IRD. Yeah, so I logged in, checked my balance, and it said, they've given me seven cents. Oh! Oh, wow. How many bun me's does that buy? it's like 1% 0.1 of a bun me not even the bun

7 so 7 dollars that is not 7 cents I think we're 100 because I think if you owe them their cut off is's like $20, they just forgive the debt.

But why do they even bother with 7 cents? And then do they tax that 7 cents? No, that's yours. That's yours. They don't tax you. That's been through the tax system once. You can't tax tax. I've just been reading.

The people that have the MyIR, have the automated setup, they've just released about nearly a million of those emails on June 4. Is that when you got yours? Yeah, that's right. June 4. They'd already done another million, and the rest of the people that, I'm guessing people that don't have the login set up, boomers, they're getting them sent out, the rest of them.

But a lot of people online are saying, how, when it's all automated, are they still owing? Because some people are still getting stung with like, you know, a couple of hundred dollars bill. A couple of hundred dollars bill. For their tax, a few hundred dollars or even a thousand. Some people, but yeah, they go on to say this article that if your employer isn't using the right code, or they

haven't done your holidays right, then you could end up owing money. So that's why. But normally it should be all automated. So you're pretty much perfect there, Jared. Spot on. Except you do nothing better than getting free money though, eh? Yeah, well, the middie celebrating her $800 and then

me checking and seeing 7 cents was a bit of a down like yeah it's a real downer isn't it i also reckon did she know she was in line for 800 bucks no no idea i reckon the government should tell you i reckon unless you go looking for it that's a freebie for the government oh my god so you're saying the government should steal off its people not steal give you a chance to come forward and claim, but if you don't come forward and claim. Well, that's what it used to be in the old days.

Yeah. Yeah, absolutely. They never used to tell you. And you remember there were those services that would, like, file on your behalf? Yes. And then if you had money owing, they'd, like, take, or if you had money owing to you, yeah,

they'd take, like, a small commission. That's how I first started doing my taxes. Yeah. When I first left drama school and I was a little freelancer making absolutely no money at all, I never did my taxes. And then I went on one of those websites

that does it for you. Yeah. And then they, yeah, they take a little cut and they give you some money back. And that's why I think they got rid of all of those when they did this all automated. Gotcha. So the new automated system, mate.

Because people made a lot of money off those little companies. Yeah. And I think back in the day as well, was it true if you didn't file and you did owe money? Like if you worked out you owed money but you didn't file it, you just say shush about it? Yeah, yeah, shush, shush. Yes, but if you did it online to do like the proper assessment,

the minute you clicked calculate, it was like you owe us money and you can't run away from it. You officially owe us. Yeah. Yeah. Hmm. Wow. Jared shouted my IR. But also this is PSA.

This is the time of the year where a lot of spam emails start doing the rounds as well. Oh, yeah. Like, hey, it's Craig from the IRD. We've got $8 million for you. You're a person that didn't earn $8 million. Click here for your $8 million. Anyone that's trying to get through to the IRD

knows that they're not proactively reaching out to you. No, they're really not. More of a passive part of the relationship. Yeah. Now, here's a sexy, sassy little story. It's not sexy at all, actually. Massive part of the relationship. Yeah. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley. Now, here's a sexy, sassy little story. It's not sexy at all, actually. It's horrible.

Poor woman. She was in the boudoir and her partner was not. He had left his Apple Watch on the bedside table. And if you don't own an Apple Watch or maybe a smart watch of any kind, when you get a message, it just goes like a phone, basically. And because it was on the sideboard, she saw that it had gone off and just something in her said,

have a quick look. Tap that. Tap that watch and see what that says. Tap the watch. What does it say? Now, it was, of course, as you can imagine, no surprises here, a message that he was sending from

his phone to another woman in that moment that said, there's my girl, dot, dot, dot, you are so beautiful. I'm going to bed, baby. Good night. And then she said, sweet dreams, babe. So she saw these messages coming up. Oh, wow.

When you click on it, it just opens, like, if it's Messenger or Messages, it just opens the whole thread. You'd be able to see, read all of it. I didn't know that. I thought that, but this must have been an iMessage thing, because I don't iMessage much anymore. I thought iMessage might have showed you the thread,

but I've never seen that, because you get messages on Messenger. Well, it brings up the notification, but if she clicked it, if she clicked it, you can go in and read the whole message. Yes, he didn't have a pin code on his watch, so you can just tap it.

It's essentially just like tapping on a message on a phone, and then you can go back and see a certain amount. She could see that the woman had sent him a picture and then he said, yeah, there's my girl. You are so beautiful.

I'm going to bed, baby. Good night. Kiss, kiss, kiss. And she had sent back sweet dreams, my babe. And she was like, this is not an exchange we've had. And so she kept on looking. She found messages from a series of other women who he had been messaging,

including some sex workers who he had booked for the following Thursday. Big part? Some sex workers that he had booked for the following Thursday. Okay. And she was like, that's not on my calendar. This must be something you're doing on your own. And so, of course, as you do in this day and age,

she took it to TikTok. And she, of course, as you do in this day and age, she took it to TikTok. And she shared her findings and everyone was like, oh, this has happened to me. You know, like, you're lucky that this has happened now. Get rid of them. Do you know how long they've been going out at

this point? I don't know. It doesn't, she didn't disclaim that. Right. I mean, didn't disclaim that. Right. But I mean, I think they were serious. I mean, they were obviously a couple. Yeah.

Yeah. Wow. They're not married or anything like that. Yeah, but terrible. And this reminds me of, do you know,

do you remember recently someone else had shared on TikTok? Is this what happens when people chat on you? You gotta share it to TikTok? I think you do nowadays. Yeah. Yeah.

You don't talk to like a counsellor or your family or anything. Or your friends, like close friends. Get it off your chest. Your close followers. Your closest and dearest followers. Yeah. Do you remember recently another woman shared on TikTok

that she had seen a photo on a girl's Instagram and recognised her partner's thumb and breakfast order? Do you know this? No. So the girl had like sent it like a picture of just like, do you reckon, I mean, I've got nail polish on, but do you feel like Sade would be able to recognise your thumb, Vaughn?

I don't know. And just any breakfast meal with heaps of hot sauce on it? Oh, yeah. Like lots of hot sauce. She'd be like, that's interesting. She'd be like, that looks like my Vaughn-y with his thumb. It's really embarrassing. I mean, I reckon it was because she said,

when you catch your boyfriend cheating because you recognise his breakfast order and thumb in another girl's Instagram post, and you can just see his little thumb in the side. I don't think I could recognise Aaron's thumb from another man's thumb. That's phenomenal detective work. I know, but to be fair, his order is trash. It's like an egg omelette, and then there's some cinnamon donuts and a brioche. Okay, so an unusual combination.

Yeah, that's a giveaway. Play it up. That's a giveaway. He'd be like, that's my partner. Yeah. He's a damn fool. Anyway, I thought this would be a juicy little chat if you guys wanted to call up or send us some messages and tell us how you discovered that your partner was cheating on you.

Maybe it's something as simple as, you know, their phone sitting on the bedside table and you just... I mean, I'm not endorsing cheating, but if you were going to cheat, why would you leave previews and your phone and stuff unlocked lying around? Rookie. While you're messaging people.

I don't even do... I hide my previews and stuff and I'm not even having an affair. The dude was hiring sex workers. It's like he wasn't really into this relationship, was he? No. So he was having affairs, like texty, flirty things with non-sex workers and he was like having some paid for good times. So 0800, dialS at Emma's number.

Give us a call. You can text as well, 9696. How did you discover that you were being cheated on? Maybe it was a message that popped up. Maybe you snooped in some emails. Yeah. Maybe you found something in the washing that was definitely not yours. I'm not a size 8.

Or maybe you had a message from another girl because that happens. Let's get juicy and let's share the heel. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley. Play ZM. Well look, we're talking cheating.

A woman discovered her man was cheating after his Apple Watch just revealed a world. A whole world that he was keeping from her. So we asked you, how did you discover your partner was cheating? Yeah, maybe they left their watch on the bedside table like this guy or their phone. Man, so many messages in.

Maybe a bit of lipstick on the collar. Who's out there kissing collars? Has anyone ever kissed you on the collar? Remember that we talked about that girl who was just going up to random guys in the club on TikTok and just kissing the back of their shirts and leaving lipstick on them? Lipstick on the collar's weird. It's more of a sign when there's like that foundation stain.

Yes, because they've smeared their NARS foundation all over your shoulder. Go to a wedding and you take off your jacket because it's too hot and you're wearing a white shirt and someone's wedding makeup comes in and they're like, hello. You got it all over, fake tan on your shirt, throw it in the bin. Some messages in on how you busted your partner cheating. Abby said, I set up a fake profile on Tinder. They appeared matched and started talking within a couple of hours.

So they were very active. Wow. Nathal said he went out of town and left his Facebook open on a home computer and messages just started rolling in. Oh, wow. That's not a nice way to find out when you say messages. Yeah, look, if you're listening and you're having an affair, I think you just need to try a little bit harder.

I'd use a fax machine or some outdated technology, you know. Morse code. I do all of my cheating with Morse code. It's so hard to find someone that also knows Morse code though. Yeah, yeah. It really limits who you can have an affair with. Yeah. A lot of them are older

historians. Older historian types. War vets. I have a lot of affairs with war vets. A lot of ex-Navy war vets, yeah. I've had a couple of ham radio affairs. Oh, wow. That's pretty good stuff. You've got to find the way you tune the crystal and then you're like, uh, roger

that, roger. Roger me, roger. I've had one affair with a pigeon racer. Oh, that's cool. Because, you know, they have the pigeon, they attach the messages to the feet of the pigeon. Yeah. I just find it's quite hard to be playing with yourself and not doing that bow on the pigeon's foot at the same time.

That's sort of a two handed job. Some more messages in. Somebody sent an email from a stranger with screenshots exposing him. It was a burner email account but this person just decided it was time to out him. Oh, wow. Imagine that.

The person also didn't know that he had another partner on the side. Yep. Anne says, I found a doctor's note that confirmed he'd gotten chlamydia after a party. Oh, that's wild. Another Anne, this is Anne R, said the other girl came to my flat party slash birthday party and cried and ran out of the room when she saw us kiss.

And he had the audacity to run after her. Oh, my gosh. Yeah. I hope he wasn't getting either of them after that. That's an old school way of exposing a cheater, eh? Seeing it in person. All right. Let's take some calls.

Anonymous, you exposed a cheater. Yeah. I took my fiance to my little brother's wedding. Yeah. And I caught him in the toilet. What was he doing? Ones or twos? With another girl.

Threes, threes. Threes. Wait, so did he know her previous to this? No, he didn't know her. He just, yeah, hooked up with, grabbed some random. Can you blame him, though? Weddings are very emotional. You see all that love around and, you know, you just want.

He was engaged to me. Hello. Were you down for some toilet nookie, though? Was he just really in the mood and you said, not now, this is my little brother's wedding? Oh, no, I'm always up for toilet nookie, though? Was he just really in the mood and you said, not now, this is my little brother's wedding? Oh, no, I'm always up for toilet nookie, but he picked the wrong girl. He picked me.

We were engaged. Oh, my God. And then how, because you don't want to make a scene at your brother's wedding, but also, like, that's a bombshell. What did you do? I dragged him by his scruff, took him to my mum, sat him down, sort of growled at him and said to mum, don't let him go. She goes, why?

So I told my mum. She looked at him with devils. You know how your mother shoots these razor blades at their eyeballs? Yep, yep, yep. My mother looked at him like that. He sat. He didn't move. And I proceeded to spend the rest of the wedding with my brother.

And, yeah, I... And then did you break up after that? No, I was stupid enough to marry the man, and it only lasted two years. Oh. You're a dum-dum, aren't you? I am. I am very stupid.

Oh, well, hey, you're not together now, so I guess it worked out. Yeah. Or not. Anonymous, thank you. Wow, bombshell. Nikki, what happened? My father was a great fisherman, and my boyfriend at the time wanted to learn how to fish.

So Dad taught him. The one thing he couldn't taught him was how to fish properly. Yeah. That's something I taught him. So when we he couldn't taught him was how to fillet fish properly. Yeah. That's something I taught him. So when we were down on the farm, he was going away fishing. I noticed the fish fillets were coming back slightly too well filleted.

Okay. So I got suspicious, started looking at bank balances, visa statements, things like that, and snapped him. But who was filleting the fish? He was buying the fish from the fish shop on the way home from the so-called fishing trip. Wait, so there was no fishing.

He was just using that as an excuse to cheat on you? Yes. What, with your dad on a fishing trip? No, no, it wasn't with my dad. When he moved away, he was going off with a cousin. The dead giveaway was when the fish was already battered. Or it had a barcode and it was in a plastic wrapper. Exactly.

Exactly. Wow. It was just too well filleted. Yeah, okay. So it was like a professional had done it. Wow. And so you had him up about this and he admitted to it?

Yeah, no, as far as I'm concerned, once the trust is gone, it's gone on out. But the funny thing was that the reason why he started to go fishing in the first place is me and his mother didn't get on and she said, if you leave her,

I'll buy you a boat. She's still got the boat. Oh, my gosh. That is awesome. It sounds like a relationship that I'm glad you're not part of anymore. Wow. Oh, yeah, 100%. I just got my eight-month-old daughter and I was gone.

Wow. A boat. That is insane. All right, let's go to Lisa. Lisa, how did you find out they were cheating? My partner at the time left his phone at home when he went to work and got a text from my friend saying he needed to get an STI check. Oh, okay.

And so he'd been sleeping with your friend? Yeah. While you were pregnant? For quite a while, while I was pregnant. Oh, no, bad news. Oh my god, I can't believe these stories, they're so juicy. I can't believe. I've actually talked about him on your show before.

He's a repeat offender, I love it. He is. Wow. Okay, and then that was it, you were just like, it's over? Uh, no, we ended up staying together for a while because I was young and an idiot, but, you know, you live and learn. Yeah, right. and did you get rid of the friend as well

oh they're all well gone yeah good good so what we've learnt from this so far is if you're going to chat on your partner and use fishing as a cover you've got to buy

a whole fish from the supermarket not a filleted one and don't have friends and don't take your fiance to a wedding if he likes toilet nookie and you're busy. Yes, and you're not into the toilet nookie.

Or one bigger lesson would be when someone does this, just leave them. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I think that's what we're learning. Wild times. Wow. There's so many text messages of juicy situations coming in as well. We went swimming with dolphins just out you know, out in the wild. Oh, lovely.

Swimming with dolphins, went swimming. And I said, I want to upload the photos from his phone to Facebook. He was frantic after he gave me the phone saying, log me out, make sure you log me out, log me out. And I was just like, oh, something's not right here. Opened Messenger and found a conversation he'd been having with a girl

that had been seeing each other for about five months and we'd been together for about five years. Oh, but the dolphins! It was such a nice day! It ruined a perfect day! I think, would you hate dolphins after that? I'd probably hold a grudge against dolphins. I think it would.

No, I don't think you could never look another dolphin in the eye ever again. All of a sudden you become pro offshore drilling. You've got no time for the Maui. Somebody said, the douchebag sent me a message that was meant for her saying how mental I was

and how he couldn't wait to leave me to be with her. I love these stories. How mental she was? Yeah. We were married with kids in a house. He's now remarried with more kids and cheating on that woman

with the same one that he cheated on me with. Oh, God. He needs to be with that one. Well, he just needs to stop cheating. Yeah. That would be a good tool. Probably the lesson there.

Play ZM's Fletchford and Hayley. Yesterday, big announcements from Apple. They announced a whole lot of stuff like new products and the like, a new operating system. And one of the things that is coming for iPhone users and iOS 16, which will be around July when they release it, is the ability to edit and even unsend text messages or iMessages. This is good news. This is good news.

This is good news. Good news. So you could delete an entire message. But you can't. So I guess it'll be like WhatsApp, right? Remove their memory of having seen it if they already see it. Or if they've already seen it, yeah. You can't extract a memory.

But you can do this on Messenger. It's the greatest thing. But then as Karween just put in our Messenger chat, she just sent something and then I love when it says, Karween, unsend a message.

And then you just spend the whole day being like, I know. It wasn't subtle. You almost have to send and then send a message explaining what the unsend message was.

Do you remember when Jared tried to unsend that message when he said, goodnight, I love you? Do you remember that, Jared? Yeah. Embarrassing. Boo-boo, darling. he said, goodnight, I love you? Do you remember that, Jared? Yeah. Embarrassing.

Boo-boo, darling. Boo-boo, darling. We love you too. And then it came up on my lock screen and I saw it and then you deleted it and it was too late because I got a screenshot. You got it. So, I mean, yeah, it's not going to take away that,

but yeah, that's coming for iOS 16 for Apple users. But yeah, I mean, just little typos and stuff you'd be able to fix and if you accidentally send a nude pic, you know, to your boss. Wow, that was a leap from little typos to a picture of your junk. But yeah, I mean, this is good news. We talked about this a little bit this week, like accidentally sending things off. Yeah.

What is the part of the brain that makes that happen when you're like thinking of someone that you text them? Oh, I'm so paranoid about that. I'm always like, before I send, have I got the right sender? Yeah, especially if I'm having a real bloody hoon, you know, especially if I'm really going in on them. Really letting them know. Checking, okay, who am I sending this to?

What have I sent? Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley. Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley's Community Notices. Hello and welcome to Community Notices, a segment of the show where we have a look at what's happening around New Zealand according to local Facebook pages. And sometimes things are for sale as well.

Like this post from the Invercargill buy and sell trade page. Crystal has listed an L-shaped couch. Now, I love a couch with a chassé. Oh, same. I've got an L-shaped couch. Perfect for two. Perfect. Amazing couches. Big stretch out on the chassé.

Well, she wants $180, which isn't too bad, apart from the condition of the couch. She says, I'm selling an L-shaped couch on behalf of someone. Needs a wash and covers do come off. You guys can't see it, how busy to describe it. I, for a start, thought it was a leather couch

in need of a clean, but no, it appears it's one of those velvety material couches that's just been rubbed raw in spots. And it looks very dirty. Some comments, Levi says that doesn't need a wash. It needs Jesus. Mia Henry can recall a party where someone did a poo on the couch,

which isn't helping this owl. It's not helping. Mia, we don't need that information. Tracy said, are you actually serious? Do you want someone to pay $180 or are you offering someone $180 to take it away? So this

couch, I mean, that's a real piece there down in Invercargill. I don't even think you could do that for a student flat. You couldn't do that to a student flat. It's been shat on. Why wouldn't they set it on fire? Why don't they send it to Dunedin? To set it on fire? Well, no, they it to Dunedin? To set it on fire. Well, no, they're not allowed to set couches on fire anymore, remember?

Oh, God, prudes. PC gone mad. It is PC gone mad. Everybody should be allowed to. That's the Second Amendment right, actually, to set a couch. My forefathers wrote that in. From the Hamilton Community Connection, Suzanne and I actually, this one raises a question for me.

She says, hey guys, so whilst cleaning, I moved my son, Max the lorikeet, so she's got a bird who's her child, away from the cleaning area just to have him decide to bathe and destroy my television. How would a bird bathing destroy a television?

I guess like flicking it all around with their wings. The water. Is it in a... Where did he get the water from, though? You wouldn't put water next to a television, would you? I think she has. One of those dust baths. Anyway, he's ruined the television,

so Suzanne says he's got a spare television while I save it up for a new one. He did a real number on this one. Goodness me. I don't know how, I need to know if you're a bird person how a lorikeet bathes that could destroy a television. Also, who's just rocking around with spare TVs? Yeah.

I had a spare TV. I don't want to talk about it, but I don't want to paint a picture of Vaughan Smith, you know, TV hoarder. Yeah, yeah. Often can't get rid of the last one because I'm like, what if the new one doesn't work or something happens? And finally, from the Tamuka community page, somebody is seeking to borrow a pair of ladies' togs.

Why? I didn't know togs personally was something you did borrow. I'm looking to borrow a pair of ladies togs, not black. Okay. Not black. Please PM me. So she wants a pair of not black ladies togs to borrow. To borrow?

No, you don't borrow. A piece or a two-piece? No word how many pieces. It's like sharing undies. Yeah, you don't do that. They go straight on the bits. On the bits, yeah. They're touching bits. Could you line them with something?

Could you give them a liner? Maybe you can't swim with a panty liner in. It would float away. I was just thinking glad wrap or something. Would that be good for buoyancy? No. A panty liner? No, for a start, yes, but once it becomes filled with water, Fletcher would actually be an anchor. It would actually drag you down

and drag you under, wouldn't it? Yeah. It'd keep that... Cause of death. Water-logged panty liner. Drowned by a water-logged panty liner. Boy, it could hold some water, though. Those ads weren't lying about how much they could hold. Super absorbent. They just don't tell you how much it weighs when they're full.

Those are today's community notices. If you see anything on your local Facebook page, please do screen cap it and send it to us. FVH ZM on all of the socials. ZM's Fletchvorn and Hayley. Hold on to your seats. We've got an outrageous story. An unforgivable, in my eyes, act

performed over our neighbours in Australia at a local Woolies in the Gold Coast. A shopper, an innocent shopper, who shouldn't have to see this, was walking along the aisles and they popped down to the freezer section to get themselves, I don't know, a bag of peas maybe, some frozen boysenberries.

Maybe a full box of ice blocks, ice creams, and they're going to eat them all themselves. No judge. Or like a big apple crumble, like one of those ones. Like when you take your roast out of the oven, you put the crumble straight in to take its place. Oh, yeah. Get a bit of custard on that.

I don't have confirmation of what they were looking for in the freezer section, but they weren't looking for what they found. They opened up the door of the frozen section, kind of where all the pizzas are, you know, your macarons and the likes, where they found

one of those bagged hot chooks. Oh, the bachelor's handbag. Yeah. The bachelor's roast chook. Oh, a hot roast chook. And someone had just abandoned this roast chook in the freezer. So someone was like, oh, actually, okay, I could probably do a pizza for dinner rather than demolish this roast chicken.

I don't want this kind of protein in my life. I'm just going to shove it in here. And they put it in the freezer rather than just walking back to the little hot section where it absolutely would have been fine. See, I've got a rule. You've got to put back colds, like your delis, your hams, or any kind of meats, and back where you found them, or hot chickens.

But if it's just a random thing, you're okay to put it in another section. No, you're not. You're a bad person, Carl Fletcher. I mean, this is terrible. This is next level. I know people leave stuff lying around the supermarket and they're like, I can't be bothered. This sort of looks like a box box and that's a box.

I'll just put it here. Deli meats, you can't put back because you've got that from across the counter. You've asked specifically. No, if you've got deli regret because you think I'll just get a little thing of coleslaw or potato and then it turns out to be $18 for like four cubes of potato. You can't hand that back.

So you have to put it in another cool section. You get fish, are you like, I'll just get a couple of the tarakihi fillets. Yeah. And then they look at you and they're like, that's $27. You're like, thank you.

I'll just be chucking this in the biscuit section. They heat seal it. You sort of abandon it somewhere along the way. But a roast chook, because you can't roast a hot chook, keep it hot all day, then freeze it, and then you can't defrost it now. No. It's done for.

Yeah, you've got to put that back if you change your mind. But I do love... Shit, that'd be a rubbery chook if you did defrost it, eh? Oh, my God. I mean, it's all ready. It's all ready, let's be honest. Frozen, cooked, kept warm all day, refro if you defrost it. Oh my God. It's all ready. It's all ready to be honest. Frozen, cooked, kept warm all day,

refrozen, defrosted and then you're going to have to heat it up again. That's going to be a rubbery chook. But I do, I find it quite amusing when I'm at the supermarket

and I see an item in the wrong place. Like for example, you're standing at the biscuits and at the biscuits say someone's put like some cold water surf and they've obviously had this moment where they're like I'd rather have a packet of biscuits than wash my clothes

I know I love you know dissecting the psychology of this moment the thought process uh fair enough a lot of comments a lot of people up in arms about this we say this all the bloody time uh my favorite one is the Woolies hot chook is one of Australia's truly iconic foods. It should be treated with more respect than this. Couldn't agree more. Love a hot chook.

Some people are messaging in saying we're always finding fresh veggies in the freezer at the local. Do you think that's the situation when you pick up a broccoli but then you get to the frozen and you find frozen broccoli cheaper?

You're like, why can't I get fresh when it's the same? Yeah, you can get the frozen and you find frozen broccoli cheaper. You're like, why am I paying for fresh when it's the same? Yeah, you can get a frozen bag for a couple of bucks. I will say, I think this chook would have been so bad. It was $11 down to $4.40. Oh, that's on its last minutes of consumption, right? Really? Yeah, I think the freezer is actually the best place for this chook.

One, one, cuckoo. Play ZM's Fletch Vaughan and Hayley. I think the freezer is actually the best place for this trip. It is time for the impossible phone-in topic. A topic we think is so impossible we won't get any calls. Yes. It's never been impossible to this date. We've always managed to find at least one or two people listening. This one's really going to intrigue me because I feel like this is something we've all kind of like casually done. I certainly had one that was very similar to this.

So Stranger Things is out at the moment, season four, and they're doing a lot of... Would you say Stranger Things is one of the most popular television shows in the world? For sure. Would you say that it's the single reason that we're playing a song from 1985, Kate Bush's years? 100%. I don't think Kate Bush has been on our playlist for a few years. And also steeped heavily in a game of Dungeons and Dragons. That's right, you've walked right into my trap, you two. The most popular show in the world is...

I just turned off his microphone. Yeah, thank you for that. I think you've got a bad Wi-Fi connection there, Vaughan, so we'll just turn you off for a bit, eh? It's probably why I got lost after season two. Stupid. Yeah, you dropped out quite early once you figured it out. But so, Millie Bobby Brown is obviously

she plays Eleven. She is like the lead of the show. And her co-star, Noah Schnapp, which is honestly just the greatest surname. Schnapp as in sharps. Yeah. I would go with the nickname Brandy. Yeah, same. And they'll be like, why are they called Brandy?

Because my last name is Schnapp. So they have revealed that they've got a pact. A pact that if they are still single when they are 40, Millie and Noah are going to get married. Instead of we're not married by 40, we will get married together because we'd be good roomies. We would. Completely, totally. He sounds like he's already 40.

That's a deep voice. He's really grown up, hasn't he? That's the embarrassing thing about, well, the hard thing, I guess, about making TV shows of kids, eh, is like you come back next season and all the boys are like, Hello. Show my moustache.

Yeah. But anyway, they've made a pact. If they're still single at 40, they'll get married. The only deal breaker is if they've got kids, they won't do it. So that's their pact.

I had the same pact with my bestie. If she and I weren't married by 30, we were going to get married. But you're not married. I'm not, but she got married like a few months after her 30th. Oh, wow. So she was like so put off by the fact that she was going to have to spend life with you

that she just rushed into a marriage. I fully believe she hates her husband. She just didn't want to marry me. so put off by the fact that she was going to have to spend life with you that she just rushed into a marriage. I fully believe she hates her husband. She just didn't want to marry me. Yeah. She hates you more. She just rushed into it. Yeah. There's always one person that's more into this than the other.

I had one with Louise Fraser-Jones. We made this agreement at first year uni or something. Right. And I was far more into the idea than she was, I think. Oh, how hurtful. But then I got married before her, so. Sorry, I'm off the market. Is 30 quite young for the marriage pact?

I thought it was normally like 40 or like 45. It definitely is, but we made this marriage pact when we, because we've been best friends since we were four. So I think we made it quite early when we thought that 30 was old. And then we got to 30 and we were still like hitting the clubs and you know. Well this is what we want to ask for the impossible phone out is has anyone ever

made this pact but actually like moved in and started living together? Like that you know of? Because everybody says this if we're not married by this age we'll just move in and be together. Maybe not necessarily marry each other, but live together or cohabitate.

Or have a kid together. Even if there's a platonic relationship and they just go like, well, I've got a partner, you've got a partner. If this is still the way, we'll just have a kid together and raise it together. Do you reckon there's anyone that's done that? Well, no, because this is why I'm calling it

the impossible phoner. But also, I think about raising a kid with your best friend. If you've been friends for that long, it could be better than raising a kid with a romantic partner. Some weirdo that you accidentally married. I know. Take the romance out of it. That could be, yeah.

I know, it would be really fun. Okay, well, 0800DARLS.M. It's the impossible phonin topic. You can text as well, 9696, if you know of someone that has actually followed through on a pact to get married by a certain age or to have a kid or move in at a certain age. If you know, if that's you, or you know of that happening,

the impossible phone-in topic, 0800DARLS.M right now, 9696 to text, and we'll come back next and find out if it is the impossible phone-in topic or not. The impossible phone-in topic. People are always saying if we're not married by 40 or 35, we'll marry each other. We'll just marry each other. Hey, Fletch, actually, it's too late for you. You're already past 40.

Yeah. I'm going to make a pact with you. You're already past 40. Yeah. I'm going to make a pact with you. Should we do 50? Right, you are engaged. I know you've been waiting nine years. Not quite nine years to be married, but, yeah, a long time. Yeah. Let's do 50.

If Aaron doesn't get his A into G by 50, you and me, we're going out. Okay. Let's take some calls. Shaini, good morning. Hey, how's it going? Good. Now, have you done this? You've made a pact and you've followed through with it.

Well, we kind of fell in love before it came time to come good on the deal. See, this sits with my theory that when people make these pacts, there's always one person that's way more into it than the other. Yeah, I think that was the case at the time. And then over time, the tables kind of turned. So how old were you when you made the pact and you said, by this age, we'll be married? Yeah, so we were 25 and we agreed that we would get married at 40. Okay. And so you weren't dating at that stage? Definitely not. No, I was not interested in dating. Right. Okay. So you weren't dating at that stage? Definitely not, no.

I was not interested in dating. Right. Wow. And then when did you start, you know, becoming involved? A year later, I actually kind of fell madly in love with him and had to do this at the end. Right. So you ended up

together and so you technically didn't do the pact. Yeah, I think I love this story, and I'm very happy for you and your happy life, but I don't think this quite proves our impossible phone-up because you didn't follow through on the pact just because of the pact. You followed through because you fell in love. I thought you said it early. Yeah, it was early.

It was early. So, okay, well, Shani, I don't— So you're saying, Hayley, we cannot accept that for the impossible phone-up? Decline, I'm afraid, this was a bit early. Yeah, it was early. It was early. So, okay, well, Shani, I don't... So you're saying, Hayley, we cannot accept that for the impossible phoner? Decline, I'm afraid, Shani. Decline. But I'm very happy for you. Very happy.

I like this. I like this strict criteria. Because this could be the very first time the impossible phonin topic has been impossible. What is the text machine saying? There's a few messages in. Isn't there, Vaughan? Yeah, but it all seems to be along the same, you know,

it kicked in before the actual date. And there's also one we wanted to call out for a little bit of maybe too soon energy. Yeah, someone said, my friend and I are only 19 and 20 and have already done the we're getting married by 21 if we aren't already taken. 21?

Like, get together. Just get together if you want to be together. There's a lot of energy there and it feels like you two, someone just needs to pull the trigger on a hookup, you know? Yeah. And you're too young to be like, 21,

oh, we're bloody past our years by date if we're not done by 21. It's not 924 anymore. We're not living in... It's a little on the nose, isn't it, that clearly they like each other. Like, oh 924 anymore. We're not living in, like, it's a little on the nose, isn't it, that clearly they like each other. Like,

oh my God, if we're not like married by, what, like next week, should we just, should we just get married? Yeah. Just like each other.

Like, should we just, like, if we've not kissed anybody by like, I don't know, in like 10 seconds time, should we just maybe like kiss each other? Should we just do it?

Should we just do it? Yeah. Let's just see what happens. Oh my God, time's up. We might as well just do it? Should we just do it? Yeah. Let's just see what happens. Oh, my God. Time's up. We might as well just do it because it's like a pact. Some other messages in, though. Me and my partner had a joking pact that if we weren't married by 40,

we'd get married a few years ago. She came back from overseas and we randomly hooked up. We've been together five years with a child on the way. And are planning to marry shortly before 40. But early. No, early. So we cannot accept that because it's not a...

We want people that have reached the deadline of whatever age, 30, 40, whatever they said and then went, well, I'm single, you're single, let's do it. Here's someone who had a pact. They reached the age, I had a get married pact at 30 with my mate in Australia. Sadly, now we're both 30. We're still not

married and she won't come back from Australia. Again, proving your point Vaughan, that there's always someone way more into these pacts than the other. Oh, we're so sorry. Is this our first impossible phone-er that we've actually failed to find someone that meets our strict criteria?

Unless we were to accept the early getting into a relationship with someone you had a pact with. I like the idea of we didn't find someone. We found like a million people who had landed a plane on somewhere that wasn't a runway which we really expected to not

hear from anyone at all. And this one we thought we would surely find someone but we haven't found someone that meets our strict criteria. maybe when someone's listening to the podcast they later on in the podcast actually this happened to me and then we would you know posthumously yeah you say that we did find something retroactively um yeah awarded as it yeah impossible okay yeah i'm open i'm open to that. It's impossible. That was great. It's a good feeling, isn't it?

It is a good feeling. I feel validated. Yeah. It was actually impossible. Fact of the day, day, day, day, day. Yeah. Well, today's fact of the day, I think it's going to be of interest to people because it involves a murderer. And I know how you white women love your podcasts.

I'm listening. I'm a little bit turned on. You're in. Fletch, you're in studio. Can you flick your head to the left as Carween at full attention? She loves it. Yeah, she is waiting for this. He was murder your head to the left as Carween at full attention? She loves it. Yeah, she is waiting for this. He was murdering

white women too, so Carween's on board. That's what she needs to fully buy in. I love it when they're white. I would actually love to see some podcast stats of true crime and the females that download and listen. It would be off the charts, right? It's got to be the number one

podcast genre for women, right? Yeah. Murdery ones. Yeah. It's got to be the number one podcast genre for women, right? Yeah. Murdery ones. Yeah. It's got to be. And that's why we've got this slew of female detectives. Yeah. Why they're all joining up to solve these murders is they've listened to all the podcasts.

Well, this is an Australian murderer, a serial killer, actually. That's how much he was doing it. Lives have taken. Yeah, he got called serial. So this story today, the fact of the day is how he got caught. So the basic story was he was shooting people and in one

situation he shot someone and in a mad rush while leaving the murder scene, he threw his gun in a bush. Okay. In Mount Pleasant, Western Australia, and so somebody saw him do this, reported it to the police, the police went,

found the gun, took the gun for ballistic tests, but when they took it, put a gun that looked almost identical into the bush, knowing he'd have to come back to get it. And they tied a fishing line to it. Okay. Like a cartoon.

Like a cartoon where they're wheeling people in using like money or cheese. Money, yeah. Wheeling them in. So then he came back after midnight on September the 1st, grabbed the gun and tried to get away with it. And they just hooked him in. Yeah, hooked him in. And they got him

hook, line and sinker. Found him guilty and hung him. Did he? Oh, Jeff, it's going to hit to the turn. Did he also when he was coming back, did he smell a pie and go and start floating towards that? Yeah, he loved it so much his feet lifted up and he just just floated and flew along the

scent waves that a pie makes. But that's what happens when you leave a pie on the windowsill. On the windowsill. I can't believe they used like a Looney Tunes kind of technique to catch a murderer. I mean, it wouldn't have snagged him. He could have run away. But I guess what? There was too many of them and they just cornered him.

They didn't know where they could hide that they wouldn't be ableagged him. He could have run away but I guess what, there was too many of them and they just cornered him. They didn't know where they could hide that they wouldn't be able to see him. And you know, this was in early 1960s. So they literally put a piece of nylon to it and then wound the nylon out and sat around the corner. So when they felt the fishing rod go, they knew he was in the bush and they could

surround him and catch him. Oh, so he didn't put the gun in his mouth to hook it in there and then pull it by the side of the cheek. When he was running away, he painted a tunnel on a wall and ran through it. And then when the police tried to run through it, they of course just crashed into the flat wall.

I just googled when you said Australian serial killers, I googled New Zealand serial killers. This is interesting, eh? There's only two. There's only two. There's only two on Wikipedia. Yeah, so get out there, murderers.

Step up your game. Step up your quota. Who are our two murderers? Who are our two serial killers? Minnie Dean. Yeah. She was doing babies back in the 1800s. Hayden Poulter.

Oh, I don't know that name. Which was in the 90s. Three in the 90s. Hayden Poulter. Oh, I don't know that name. Which was in the 90s. Three in the 90s. Yeah. Which is most recent. Three. Yeah, but I mean, yeah. It's so New Zealand, Dave, to just be a bit sort of like crap at everything.

We're not even good at being serial killers. We get lazy and stop at three. Because most serial killers would have been pre-forensics, right? I mean, there still are serial killers. But, like, we've missed the boat, eh, to have, like, hundreds. We're just too small as well. Yeah, and too small. Like, in America, you can just go on the run

and just never be found again. Whereas in New Zealand, it's like, oh, yeah, he's down the road in Waimoku, and you're like, oh, yeah, cheers. It would be, I think, if the modern-day equivalent, I mean, this is grim, but the modern- It is grim. It is.

We really talk about this. But people love these podcasts. They do, they, this is grim, but- It is grim. It is. We really took it grim. People love these podcasts. They do. They do. Let's ride that wave. I think it would be you're more likely your doctors. You know how every now and then it comes out that some doctor's been administering medicine incorrectly

to like patients. That would be the modern equivalent. Very grim. Very grim. But hey, it's all these white girls that are listening to this content. They're feeding it. They're feeding it.

They're feeding it, yeah. So if you are like, oh, guys, you shouldn't have talked about that, look, blame a white girl. Yeah. Hayley, blame Hayley. Yeah, I'm happy to wear it for the day. Come at me.

Take the blame for all of this. So today's fact of the day is Australian authorities caught a serial killer by putting a gun on the end of a fishing line. Fact of the day, day, day, day, day. Yeah. do. It's the pop down time. Play ZM's Fletch Vaughan and Hayley. Play ZM. So last night I was

prepping for this morning because as the show ends I'm going to be rushing off to take the kids to school. My COVID lockdown's finished. They've done their time and are still testing negative so. Heroes man. Fully vaccinated well fed children is what I'll take from this.

And so my wife has COVID, and probably in that, like, day three, four, bad period, she's not loving life at the moment. And it's definitely somebody's fault for bringing her back from America, but I don't know who that guy is. But bringing her back specifically from a Disneyland trip she wasn't invited to. Yeah, yeah. It all adds up. It all stings.

So I said well we'll sort out your lunch boxes to the kids and I said what usually goes in your lunch box and they start

packing their lunch box get this first thing in there is a pack of chips a little pack of chips which I'm like you know a little pack of chips

a lot of people take a little pack of chips then they grab a chocolate muffin and I'm like okay I know they take chocolate muffins because I see them in the pantry and every now and then when it's like, when it's Thursday and there's three left,

I know I can have one because they'll get one each for Friday and Dad gets a little treat to get him through Friday. So that's a win for me. Then they get a little pack of Oreos. I don't even know Oreos come in this. This is hidden from me, by the way, because I've never seen these around the house. Like a chip-sized bag of Oreos.

Can I say, so far, this is very nutritious. Super nutritious. You've got potatoes. You've got cocoa beans. You've got more cocoa beans. You've got all that white stuff. Vegan Bickies? Vegan biscuits.

Yeah, okay. No animals harmed. So I said, well, surely this isn't all for one day. You either have the chips or the Oreos or the chocolate muffin. But apparently every day they're rocking these. And I'm like, what about some fruit? And so I started going off as I do. And Sade's like, give them a break.

I bet you had, what are your lunch boxes? You would have had chips and stuff. And I was like, I, at primary school, we never had the little bags of chips. No, we never had, no, because they were too expensive. And they were like, only the rich kids had bags of chips or Lee snacks. Individuals.

Oh. Yeah, I had Lee snacks. Oh, of course. Yeah, well, private school. I haven't even gone to the cheese and crackers that I was shown soon after. What? They get little pre-packaged cheese and crackers. Oh, get out of here. Actual cheese. Actual cheese.

I was like, why aren't we just getting them a little bag and putting the crackers and slicing off a couple of bits of cheese off a block? We're not running a very economical lunch operation here. And what's the main course? Do they have a sandwich? Sandwich. Oh, right, okay. They have a sandwich.

See, we just have sandwiches and fruit. And that's all we had. Yeah, we had sammies and fruit. And my mum would always make like an embarrassing sandwich, like an egg sandwich, and you'd open up your box

and everyone would be like, oh, farts. I loved when there was curried egg in the fridge. That was, that and cheese. Did you ever have

cheese and onion? Yes, cheese and onion. Grated cheese and grated onion and you'd mix them all up. Best sandwich ever. But man, you opened it. The stink of it was something insane. So this is the first time you realize your kids are eating all this stuff you never got. Yeah, Sade said, I'm going to message your mom.

I bet you had chips. So she messaged my mom. And in typical Christine fashion, she said he would have been bloody lucky to get anything that would have been considered junk food. Mind you, in saying that, we used to drink cordial that was mixed real strong.

So that's why I'm fat and my teeth are falling to bits. So maybe I shouldn't judge what's in my kids' lunch box. But in Haley's silly little pole, silly little pole. It is so silly, silly, silly that the silly little pole, silly little pole. Silly little pole, silly little pole. Silly little pole. Today's silly little pole. Do you reverse into parking spaces?

This is a big energy. Australians love doing this. Oh, they do. In fact, most of their not nose-in parks are tail-in parking. They all do it, don't they? Yeah, and a lot of their parking is diagonal. Yes. On their street parking is that diagonal,

and they back into those diagonal parks. Which is weird. They're actually diagonal facing the other way. Our diagonals are usually set. You go nose in and you just drive in. And reverse out. But theirs is angled differently, so they reverse them. Yeah, my friend James, friend of the show James, he does this all the time.

And I mean, it's an extra second. But then when you leave, you're straight out. It's also like, it does take more time. I'm a big reverse, I'm a big reverse parker. In fact, another friend of the show, Ursula Carlson, told me it gave off big lesbian energy every time that I back my car in. I didn't know that lesbians did reverse park. Well, from one lesbian to another, I guess she was just, she said.

It's how they know. You know, in the supermarket, if you're out for it, you put your bananas in the trolley on the side, don't you? You're pointing up. In the car park, it's a different thing. If it's a Mazda BT50 Ute that's been backed in, that's a lesbian who's looking. I'm looking at the Mazda BT50 right in front of me now and thinking,

God, I can't wait to back that out of this driveway. But I honestly find it, I mean, I love a parallel. I'm very good at driveway. But I honestly find it, I honestly find it, I mean, I love a parallel, I'm very good at it, but I honestly find backing into a car park easier than nosing in, because you can see a bit better. Yes, and if you've got a reversing cam, you can see right to how far you can go. And also, in this, as we enter winter,

if there's, a lot of supermarkets have those car parks with a covered middle bit. And if you back into there, you don't need to get wet while you're putting your groceries in the boot. Incredible. Well, how did the nation take this? Reversing into car parks. Do you reverse into car park spaces? 55% of people said yes.

45% said no. I thought it was going to be closer. I thought the no's would have it. Yeah, I thought just sheer laziness of people getting there and just driving in, parking the car and just getting out would win. I mean, it has, but I thought the nose would have it. Yeah, I thought just sheer laziness of people getting there and just driving in, parking the car, and just getting out would win. I mean, it has, but I thought it would be way more. The time you save by nosing in, you lose by backing out. Yeah.

The only thing about backing into a car park is if it's going to hold up other traffic that's behind you, sometimes I'll just be like, I'll just get a nose in. I'm always happy to make people wait for me, honestly. So they can admire your fine parking. Yeah. I don't need an audience. Some feedback on it. Jess writes, mostly when I'm with my sister

because I know she can't do it. It's a bit of a flex, but never at the supermarket because then it's annoying to put groceries in the boot. Yeah, you can't reverse in if there's no access. No, exactly. It's all about space. I don't understand why people do this says Sarah. One way or another, you're going to need to reverse and people that

do this don't seem to care at all that they usually are holding up traffic while they do it. No, I don't care at the slightest. Do you reverse into parking spaces? Brooke says no because I can't. Simple. Simple reason there. Liz said no because

you're a dick if you do. So she's very anti. She doesn't want to and she also doesn't want you doing it. Vanessa says living in Wellington you have no other option than perfecting the reversing parallel car park. So she's talking about just reversing into a parallel park, which of course you've got to

for it to be a parallel park. Oh, you can't nose into a parallel. It's the pits. Oh, yeah. Oh, no, you won't be snug. It won't be a snug, tight fit if you're nosing into a parallel. Sarah said,

we were taught that way at the police station to be ready for P1, which is lights and sirens, to do a job. So she's a police officer who was taught to back into the car park

at the police station for a quick exit. Yeah, right. And now I just do it out of habit. So she's a police officer who was taught to back into the car park at the police station for a quick exit. Yeah, right. And now I just do it out of habit, so she's still backing in. Oh, okay. Dan says, I call this pretentious parking. Reversing cameras do make it slightly less pretentious, but there's still a

very air of pretentiousness about it. And Shelly says, my Hilux is five metres long. I'd rather drive out forwards than reverse into other cars in the car park. Big lesbian energy there from Shell. We don't know, but... Oh, we do know.

I do know because I popped a look in her Hilux and there's a Xena box set on the... Yeah, there you go. Dead giveaway. Big Xena. Big Xena energy.