ZM's Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley - Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley Podcast - 8th March 2023

Episode Date: March 7, 2023

Top 6: Big Cats  Silly Little Poll!  Community Notices  Hayleys International Womens Day  Checkout Dividers  Hayley got Mail!  Fact of the Day Day Day Day Daaaaay!See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

The ZM Podcast Network. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley. Hello, welcome to the Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley podcast. It's thanks to McCafe. Start your day with a great tasting McCafe coffee made just the way you like it. I'm feeling a bit chuffed today. Okay. I'm feeling a little bit chuffed, a little bit sort of lucky, a little bit sort of happy for myself.

Okay. I went into a store the other day and the girl said to me, are you Hayley from radio? And I said, yeah, I am. How good is that? And I was like, are you the guy from radio? Oh, wow. And I say one of them.

And one of them. Sometimes the other day, someone on one of those, you know those obnoxious beer bike, bicycle beer bar things. It's on wheels. Oh, and it's got a table in front of it. Yes. And you cycle along. And you drink beer.

And someone's driving it and you drink beer. Someone yelled out, Vaughn! And I was like, no, but very close. He's like, Flaaah! I was like, yes, it's lovely to meet you. Be safe. It's lovely to meet you. Be safe. Oh, bless you.

What did he say? He said, lovely to meet you. Be safe. He's a good boy. What a nice guy. Hold on tight. Hold on tight. Those bikes make me feel like, ugh, I don't want to ride it. No, she called me by name.

Are you Hayley from Radio? And I said, yes. And she said, is your partner Greg Grover from Nova? And I said, yes, he is. As in, my partner is the face of an energy company here in New Zealand for our international listeners. Well, yeah. Can you YouTube Greg Grover?

What happens if you YouTube? If you go on Nova, the energy website, it's him. I've got a dongle here. I can do that. Do you know if you call Nova, the energy website, it's him. I've got a dongle here. I can do that. Do you know if you call Nova to get customer service, it's Aaron. It's Greg Grover. Hi, welcome to Nova. It's me, Greg Grover.

For this thing, it's so cool. Really? There he is. Oh, my God. Did he do this seven years ago? He's been doing it for nearly 10 years. And it was the most insanely popular ad campaign, right? You know how they used to do that?

Do they still do them, the ad awards? The Faygo Ad Awards. The Faygo Ad Awards. It was nominated for Best Ad and Worst Ad in the same year. Would you be interested in our great value energy? Hey, hon, the van here wants our gate for the cemetery. A Greek hero effigy? Okay.

No, no, great value energy. That's him. I'm well over 70. It's all about rhyming, the whole thing. Yes, it, great value energy. That's him. Bad Auntie Beverly. I'm well over seven. It's all about rhyming, the whole thing. Yes, it's great. Every year, new ad, new rhymes. Has he signed on again this year?

Oh, great. I know, amazing guy. Oh, you should have said. Yeah. There he is. There he is. Lovely. Greg Grover from Nova is my boyfriend.

Anyway, this girl in the store said to me, I don't like that word. That's why I like reminding you. Nova is my boyfriend. Anyway, this girl in the store said to me, I don't like that word. That's why I like reminding you. He's my boyfriend. And anyway, she said, is your partner Greg Grover from Nova? And I said, yes. She said, my mum said to me,

I need to find myself a man like Greg Grover. Isn't that nice? What about Greg Grover? A kind big man. A kind big man. A kind big man. A kind big man. And I'm not saying that that's not what Aaron is. He's a kind big man.

But Greg Grover is a fictional character. It's like saying you need to find yourself a man that lives in a cave and has Batmobiles. You need to find yourself a nice Fred Flintstone. Yeah. He's got a nice solid house there. That's not a leaky home. You need to find yourself a big bear that loves honey. You know, like, good one,stone. Yeah. He's got a nice solid house there. That's not a leaky home. You need to find yourself a big bear that loves honey. You know, like,

good one, mum. Sure. It's not a fucking real character. Yeah, as if dating wasn't hard enough, now I've got to find some kind of

fictional character. Maybe Greg Grover in his home life is an asshole. Yeah. We don't know this. He's not, though. He's not.

He's Greg Grover. He's got a big dorky smile and a dorky haircut that Aaron has to get every year. Yeah, because that's not Aaron's typical haircut. No, Aaron, like, let's not. He's Greg Grover. He's got a big dorky smile and a dorky haircut that Aaron has to get every year. Yeah, because that's not Aaron's typical haircut. No, Aaron, like, let it long. He gets one haircut a year, and it's for Greg Grover.

This dorky thing. Anyway, I felt quite chuffed, and I was like, yes, my boyfriend is Greg Grover. I wonder if anybody's ever said to their daughter, you need to find a nice man like that. Fletch from the radio. No. No. No. No.

No. No. No No No No No No Maybe if you're listening to this And your mum has said You need to find a nice good woman No No

No No No No No Not to set it up Just to let us know No

No he's not looking What was his wife's name? Margaret Margaret Lovely Margaret still around Lovely Margaret Lovely Margaret He's. Lovely Margaret Fletcher. He's off the market. He's off the Margaret.

No, he's on the market. Oh, spicy. Oh, the lovely Kate Gregory. Thank you for the news feed there. Well, our usual newsreader, Sam. Sam's stuck behind that burning chemical truck. Yikes. She'll be high as a kite when she gets in.

What a beautiful way to start the day. Woo! Well, we don't know what sort of chemicals are in there. But I saw a photo. It's like, it's one of those curtain-sided trucks that you always see. Chem couriers. I'm always like What are they couriering?

I mean obviously it's chemicals Yeah right okay Yeah So it's a big trunk full of Chemicals She's bloody on fire Have you got photos? It doesn't work for the radio does it?

But maybe you'll gauge Oh Yikes Wow that's on fire That is That's a blazer It's a blaze Okay so that's why the

So the southern motorway's a blaze. Okay, so that's why the... So the Southern Motorway. Yes. The blaze broke out just north of the northbound Papakura on-ramp. Right. So heading south, are you still okay? No, I think they've shut it completely. There'll be diversions in place. There'll be some diversions, yeah.

Okay. Oh, dear. Oh, I tell you what, not a bad excuse to pop for a little detour there through Papakura and get yourself a lovely piping hot coffee from McCafe. Yes, show sponsor. Fantastic. Thank you.

I'm going to check if there's a McCafe in Papakura. Harry Styles last night. Carl Ween, producer, how are we feeling this morning? Look, I have a Powerade with me. She's got a blue Powerade. Let's get producer Shanalette Pyjamas on the microphone. Whose chest is still covered in glitter. How are you feeling?

I feel good. I don't sound it. You sound like death. Far out. How many times last night did you cry? I think five. Oh, my Lord. I saw him before he walked on stage, and I just lost it.

There was these kids behind me, and they were just staring at me. I like thinking about it. I get emotional. We can't hear you. We can't hear you. Have you got that cranked right up? I have. Your microphone's as loud as it goes.

Thank you, Shannon. What was your favourite moment of the concert last night? I can't pick. Maybe when Leave America happened. It's Sophie's choice. I screamed so loud when he did Leave America, and as it was, I lost my mind. So, what are you comparing Harry Styles' concert,

what your favourite song was Hayley To Sophie's Choice Yeah Her having to make the choice Between her favourite moment last night Is the same as Meryl Streep Having to choose which child She wants to get rid of

Which child she wanted to Which child's going on the train Wait where does Meryl She puts a kid on a train I don't know I've never seen this movie It's a World War 2 film Oh okay

Oh it's a book right Yeah she gets to keep one. Yeah, the guards like, which child? And she's like, don't make me choose. And then she pushes one of them. She chooses. Sophie's choice. She chooses a kid.

She's Sophie. It's a full-on. It's ruthless, isn't it? Oh, it's bloody ruthless. She picked the wrong one too. Oh, did she pick a dud? Pick the dud. Oh, good morning to my mother who's listening from hospital.

Oh, Patsy. How did her spinal fusion go? I mean, I'm guessing it's fused. Oh, good morning to my mother who's listening from hospital. Oh, how did her spinal fusion go? I mean, I'm guessing it's fused. Well, she can type. That's a good sign, isn't it? She's alive. She's awake. Was she listening?

She's got little headphones on? She wouldn't be waking up everybody in the... Oh, no, she would have gone private. She is a... She would have gone private. I was going to say, she didn't want to wake up everybody on the ward because... She's got her own room. When my parents have been in hospital, it's been a sort of an eight-person ward because

they're people of the people no no no they don't do Marlborough salves in the public hospital so she's she has gone private and she'll be listening on the iHeartRadio app

with headphones on in her own wing in her private wing she doesn't need headphones she's got her own room is this in the Sproul wing yeah the Sproul

yeah this is actually she's in the same hospital I had my kidney removed so they did name it after me and it's in there it's on the wall beautiful push had my kidney removed, so they did name it after me. They've done a few. And it's in there, it's on the wall. Beautiful. Kidney.

Pushed between two glass slides. In a jar? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Glass slides, right. Squished in. Good morning, Mum, I hope you're feeling good. Coming up on the show, the top six, the big cat park. Yeah.

In the news yesterday. Yeah, this is the one originally in West Auckland, on Red Hills Road in West Auckland, which is slowly being encroached upon by urban sprawl. And then it moved up north. It was the place where the Lion Man TV show was filmed. Oh, yeah. And that whole thing.

And now it's in liquidation, which I think is where you put lions in a blender and liquidate them and then put them on the garden. You just put them down the drain, yeah. Send them out to sea. Put them down the drain, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Send them out to sea. Put them down the drain. It's in liquidation. I've got a great blender.

We've done margaritas with my blender. I don't think that would – it would take forever. We couldn't do it in my Nutribullet. You'd have to do it in yours. You'd have to do it bit by bit. Yeah, right. Bit by bit. Cat by cat. So will there be a liquidation sale?

Like, can I pick up a lion for cheap? You could. You know, like a rug liquidator? They've got like, oh, I've got so many rugs. Liquidators sale. Like, can I pick up a lion for cheap? You could. You know, like a rug liquidator? Yeah, yeah. Oh, I've got so many rugs. Liquidators sale. Yeah, yeah. Well, you've got a real Joe Exotic vibe about you.

Do I? I've always said that. Yeah. You could be as Carole Baskin. Thank you, crazy cats and kittens. Hey, crazy cats and kittens. So, coming up, the top six dealing with this liquidation. Yeah, the liquidation sale of the big cats.

The top successes for big cats. Next on the show, we are going to talk. We're going to be very cultured. We're going to talk art over the centuries. Yes, we are. Art, yeah. That's what you probably think the show doesn't have enough of. Art.

Sort of art comparisons. You know, your legendary Renaissance paintings versus your modern equivalents. Because we talk about it a lot off here. Almost every air break we're saying, have you,

you know, what do you think of Monet versus Monet? I've got a very strong opinion on the fact that I think Van Gogh overrated. Oh, wow.

And you know I share that opinion. Yeah, yeah. As for Picasso, a child could do that. Wow. But yeah, we're going to focus on one particular element of art

that has been changing over the years. So apparently over the last seven centuries, now that's a long time. Hayley, if I may, Hayley, if I may. Oh. I'm not plugged in. I do it. How anti-climatic.

I wonder why that was so quiet. It was all queued up and ready to go. Yeah, it was quite nice. I mean, and you interrupted a woman on International Women's Day as well. Can you believe it? What a monster. I know. Thank you very much.

Vaginas first. Vaginas first, penis the second. Just today though, right? Absolutely. Of course, of course. And we acknowledge all those women that don't have vaginas. It's a women, all women. Of course.

It's an all women's day. Of course. Now there. Okay, so apparently over the past seven centuries, now that's a long time, penis sizes, and I can say penis because it's classical music playing and I'm doing a slight British accent, have increased gradually in art. So they did a study all the way from the Renaissance period

to the present day, hundreds and hundreds of years ago. Right. So 1400 to 1599, that's the Renaissance period when it comes to art. Right. Oh, I mean, I knew that. You're talking to Renaissance period when it comes to art. Right. Oh, I mean, I knew that. You're talking to art lovers. Oh, my God. Obviously.

I'm an art house. Yeah. You know what I mean? I'm just a real art buff. Yeah. They looked at the Renaissance period, the Baroque period, the Impressionism period. Of course, in the 1600s. One of our favourites.

Of course. I can't get enough. And then they looked at the contemporary art period from the 1900s to the 2020s. She has skipped over a few, of course. Oh, my God. I'm just generalising here because I don't want to get too far ahead for the audience.

Well, forgiven. And they found that the penis size in men, because the Renaissance period is really where we started to see quite a lot of penises in art. Peni, peni, yeah. Penis have increased gradually. So they went back from the 1400s till now and measured every single pen. All the willies.

In artwork. In artwork. Is this statues as well? Yeah. So remember that time, where were we when we saw all the, in Greece? Greece. In Athens. Well, that's the thing.

Like, back in Greek times... Willies everywhere. The smaller the willy, the better. That was considered more attractive. Yeah, larger willies were considered grotesque. The woman at the place told us that. Yeah. In Greece.

So we were laughing at the small willies. Yeah, we were tracking the photo and they were like, delete that off your phone. Yeah. So... Oh, the libraries. So we were laughing at the small wallets. Yeah, we were tracking the photo and they were like, delete that off your phone. Yeah. So, oh my God, the way they did this, to standardise measurements, only paintings in which the penis size could be determined, you know, because sometimes you get a little half ball,

we can't include that one. Yeah, yeah, right. Because it's kind of tucked away to the side. And the way they did it was using a different type of golden ratio. We talked about the golden ratio before, like the measurement across your face. The Hadid's always do quite well on those golden ratios. Works out how beautiful you are.

But they used a golden ratio in which they work out the length of a penis in relation from your length to ear to ear. Penile length to nose length ratios to determine the size of the penis in proportion to the face. What is the proportion of penis to nose? I'm not sure. I'd have to do some more research on that. Mine's never got close enough to compare.

I'd have to take a measurement from one and transfer it to the other. Yeah. So they said in the 14th century, sorry, in the 15th and 16th centuries, there was a significant increase in the number of paintings depicting the naked male body because also the female naked body was well and truly established then.

Same thing, the beauty standards have changed. We wanted small willies and lovely curvy ladies. And then, over the years, the penises have gotten bigger. You don't see as many penises in modern paintings. Is that incorrect to say? Do you want to see Banksy do a big C&B on a building next time?

It's shocking he hasn't. Well, they're saying it's because of the way that we relate to the willy these days because back in the day it was seen as this sort of beautiful, powerful thing. And now because of all the pornographic material we see now, it's all about the bigger, the better, and it's slightly more grotesque. Yeah. Well, that's true. There certainly isn't a lack of penises to see.

No, exactly. I wouldn't consider them art. Yes. No. Because usually in art, when you go to the Louvre in France, one of our favourites. Oh, that's so good. I don't even know where I want to start.

Do I want to? And those pieces from the 16th century. For God's sake, they're gorgeous, but the willies are petite. They're very petite. That would be the one critique we'd have from the 16th century period, wouldn't we?

Petite willies. But who are we to say that that's not beautiful in its own right? Whereas in the 21st century paintings that do depict the But who are we to say that that's not beautiful in its own right? Yes. Whereas in the 21st century paintings that do depict the naked body. Well, the surrealism period from 24 to 45. You just googled that. No, no, no.

I'm well aware of it. Because it kind of bridged, you know, the depression through to World War II. Because this is your area, not mine. This is where I chose to really embed myself in the art world. Now, what about your other specialty? Because you've got quite a selection of stolen Nazi paintings. I do. In your collection. I do.

Do we want to say this on air that they've got those? Because they're worth quite a bit of money. They are worth quite a bit of money. There's sort of the Dadaism period there. I feel like I got a lot of them from there. The Art Nouveau. See, Art Nouveau is where I start to come in, really. That's really my area.

So we had the early signs of, you know, fascism coming up through our European art at the time. Your post-World War I part. Dealing with, you know, a working class that's been held down and, of course, looking for someone to blame. And, of course, the Nazi party sprung up, if you will, like a weed. And people keen to have someone to blame were then given someone to blame. My word.

We saw this coming through in our European art. I'm aware we're running a little long. Perhaps we could play a song and we could come back and dive more into it. I want to get into your mind about the arte povero period, if I may. I was going to just bring up povero. Yes. I would love to get into povero. Sort of the lead

into the minimalism period. I think we're done with art for today. Oh, please. As much as the listeners probably want more. Well, this weekend we do have our art club, so we'll have to slay for that. I'm surprised you let the neoclassicism period go unmentioned today. Well, this weekend we do have our art club, so we'll have to just wait for that. I'm surprised you let the neoclassicism period go unmentioned today. Well, we just didn't have enough time for the neoclassicism. Because that's where Fletch pops off. Your specific area of knowledge.

I love that period. I love it so much. Well, sorry, art lovers, but that's all. I feel like maybe we need to do an art podcast. There's so much passion here. Oh, I mean, I know the people will be enthralled by this. We could even do an art tour of our own private collections of art. Yeah, yeah.

Maybe we could do it live from Napier for the Art Deco. Oh. If we could travel around New Zealand and see the art periods represented in different... Oh, we're such a young country, we might have to go to France. Oh, if we must. I wouldn't mind popping over to France. If we must. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley.

Now, I've never had an epidural. Neither. And I hope not to. They're huge. The needles. Big needles. Yeah, big The needles Big needles I watched Aaron have one

When he had his baby When he gave birth to our Stunning son Oh Timmy Mummy loves you I miss him I should have brought him to work today No when he had a bad back

And they get like an ultrasound It's so long And they put it around in your bloody spine. Oh, no. No, thanks. I'm sure many people listening have had an epidural. And if you don't live in New Zealand, do you have to pay for it here? Surely not.

No, I don't think so. No, no, no. Not in the public. Yeah. Overseas, in lots of places, you have to pay for them. So if you're in the throes of labour and you're like, yes, I need it, it can be $8,000. What?

To get an epidural. And so if you can't afford that, you just, it's a painful birth. Push it out. Wow. No, thank you. So there was a couple that went into hospital to give birth to their child. It was going a little bit full on for the woman, so she asked for the epidural and gave birth to the healthy baby. But at the end, they get this bill, right, for the woman. So she asked for the epidural and gave birth to the healthy baby.

But at the end, they get this bill, right, for the hospital. And she was like, there's a couple of things. But it was an $8,000 epidural that was the issue here. Right.

And then, I don't know why, this is a married couple, but they obviously have separate finances, each to their own. The husband has refused to pay for half of this epidural. So they were going to go half the price. You silly boy.

You absolute idiot. He was like, no, I've got nothing to do with me. You needed it, not me. How has this hit the internet? Did she come out and say, my husband won't pay half of this? Yeah, she put it on Reddit, I believe. And she was like, am I losing my mind that this is insane? I'm about to leave my husband over this thing.

So the way that they've always ran their finances, they split everything 50-50. But they don't have joint finances, which is fine. And she said she was not expecting this reaction when she said like, well, you know, you do four, I'll do four. And he was like, I didn't get anything out of that. Oh, my God., I'll do four. And he was like, I didn't get anything out of that. Oh my God. A baby?

This was. Man, wait till he finds out how much little humans cost. I know. Yeah. So like apparently when he got the bill, he like hit the roof and was like, that's outrageous. I'm not paying for any of that. And she was like, this is what it costs to get that done.

She had not planned. She wanted an unmedicated natural birth. Right. With as little intervention as possible. But that's not always how it goes. But things change, yeah. Things change when a baby is tearing through your insides, kicking your organs out of its way,

trying to make its way through. What a small gap. Stuck a needle in my spine. Yeah, absolutely. Happy International Women's Day. Oh, my God. Do you know, in the bill, when they got the bill, the epidural fee was under the category luxuries.

This is America, right? Good Lord, yes. I don't know if you said it was America. I missed what country it was, but this is America. It is. Yeah. The top six is next on the show, the big cat parks and liquidation. Yeah.

So the top six uses for big cats. I don't know if they're having like a trade me auction for cats or. Yeah. Everybody could do with a big cat. I'd love a big cat. Play ZM's Fletchford and Hayley. Blah, blah, blah. Blah, blah, blah, blah.

This is the top six. Hello, Big Cats Limited, which operates the Kamau Wildlife Sanctuary, has been put into involuntary liquidation. I think that's where you don't pay your bills right and then the court orders you to liquidate. I don't know. Get as much money out of it as you can. Yeah, pay back your debts.

I just know there's always liquidation sales. Yeah, wow. That means a bargain. You could pick yourself up a big cat. I didn't even know we had a big cat sanctuary. Dude, I've just been on their website looking, meet the big cats. And I'm like, it makes me sad that these cats are here. Can they be reintroduced to the wild?

Can we get these guys back to Africa? No, don't they die? The other packs won't accept them. Yeah, right. So do their own pack. So either someone's going to have to take over the park or they'll have to rehome them. There's Bengal tigers in there. There's a black male leopard, which looks so cool.

I want to pet it. I want to have it ride. I want to ride it. It would drag you backwards up a tree by the throat. You know, those guys are always up in trees. Yeah, there's a few lions and... Any just plain tabbies? Tiger?

Nah. Any, what is yours plain tabbies? Tiger. Nah. Oh. Any, what is yours? British blue? No British blues. Do you reckon if my... The black leopard would be the closest thing. If Murray, my cat Murray, walked into the big cat enclosure,

would they be like, oh my God, it's a little arse, and play with him? Or would they eat him? Probably eat him. But he's a cat too. He's a cat too. No, but he's a posh cat. See, it was my mongrel cat. a cat too. He's a cat too. No, but he's a posh cat. He was my mongrel cat.

They'd know. He's from the streets. No, Raleigh's like, that's an absolute. He's from the streets. The mean streets of West Auckland. He walks in and is like. You little cats. He does a little prance.

Yeah. And they're like, respect. Respect, brother. Respect. Respect to brother. Respect. Respect to the musical cat. Well, I like the top six uses for big cats, if you buy a big cat. Okay. Now, this is, of course, a silly list of things to do with a big cat,

because you shouldn't be allowed to buy a big cat. Well, they've abandoned America now, haven't they? Yes. After Joe Exotic. Oh, my God. They've got such beautiful cats. I'm at the meet the cats. I know.

Toxics. Look at LaDuma. Which one was LaDuma? The big daddy. Isn't that the dentist place? The male, the male, Lumino.

Male white African lion. Oh, he's beautiful. Mandla is my favourite. The black, look beside him, the black leopard. Sleek and black. Dude,

that is a kick ass. He was born in 2002. They're old. He's a 21 year old cat. Meow. Oh my God, shanty. That's an old ass cat.

Sorry, I'm just loving these cats. Older than these cats. So someone's gonna, aww. Timber down the bottom, look, something's wrong.

Timber ran into a wall. Something's wrong with Timber. Okay. wall. Something's wrong with Timber. Okay. They've like shaved him as well. Like the haircut's a little bit. He went to a cheap barber. Well, I think he's got a receding hairline, but his hair's not growing long.

It's all proper mane. Top six uses for big cats if you buy one. Number six, thinning the herd. Because cats, they famously eat the weakest. Yeah. And COVID didn't get enough people because traffic's still crazy. Have you been out there lately? People everywhere. Yeah. Th eat the weakest. Yeah. And COVID didn't get enough people because traffic's still crazy. Have you been out there lately?

People everywhere. Yeah. It's in the traffic. Number five on the list of the top six uses for a big cat you could buy at a liquidation sale, guard cat. That'll sort out the intruders. I mean, beware a guard dog, something, but beware a guard cat. People will put that up if they've got, like, a cat. And you're like, hee, hee, hee.

They jump the fence to get your bloody Samsung tally. God, the poor meter reader coming around to read the meter. Oh, yeah. Does they ask you? No, no, you're all good. Any dogs on the property? Just a cat. Just cats.

Just cats. Oh, I love cats. I love cats, all right. Number four on the list of the top six uses for a big cat. If you buy one at a liquidation sale, Jesus, it'd liven up a national park. If we just pick one national park with that possum-proof fencing, the rabbit-proof fencing around it.

Yeah, yeah. Chuck a lion in there. Chuck a couple of lions in there. God, you'd walk. Tell you what, you'd get your steps in. Yeah, you would. Number three on the list of the top successes for big cats. Settle them up and use them for rides for little kids at the QMU show.

This weekend, the QMU show's happening. Apparently, I haven't paid off those tickets enough yet. Where was August not happy with your plug? August wasn't happy with the plug. Did she think it was disingenuous? She felt that it was, I used, I got the free tickets and then kind of played the fool by saying, we got these free tickets.

Here's the plug. She felt the plug was disingenuous and lacked a little passion. Right, okay. So I'm back again to say, Cumi Show on this week. Cumi Showground's 100 year anniversary. Get along there.

Take the kids. What a hell of a time. I'm influenced. Because I forgot, you've got to buy tickets. So I'm on the website now. Go to the website. Buy the tickets.

1660. You've done more than 1660. 1660. That's how much they are. Times four. You've given her a 1660 1660 Times four You've given her a lot of free advertising That's like 60 bucks Did you have a word to your daughter about promising

Free mentions on the radio Yeah I said keep it up keep going As long as dad gets a little something out of it Okay right Number two on the list of the top six uses For big cats If you get one liquidation sale, a rug. Oh, yeah, okay.

A hell of a rug. Maybe a throw for the back of the couch, and then in the cold months, woof, over the shoulders, it'll buckle up to the front. Wouldn't look out of place in my house. You've got to be, you've got to ask me, she's got a lot of dead animals in that house.

I don't have any rugs with a head. Rug with a head. I've got a deer skin. If they just died of natural causes, could you rug it? Or if they're antique, if they're vintage from a time that we killed them. Waste not a deer skin. If they just died of natural causes, could you rub it? Or if they're antique, if they're vintage from a time

that we killed them and we... Waste not, want not. Yeah. But if it happened now... Yes.

That's why I wasn't worried. When I put it in the bin, I didn't put it on my floor. Yeah. I'm going to put a hole in the

ground. Biggie putt. And number one on the list of the top six uses for big cats, snuggles. Imagine how good a snuggle would be with a giant tiger. Yeah. Until, you know, on the ground. Pick your pup. And number one on the list of the top six uses for big cats, snuggles. Imagine like,

how good a snuggle would be with a giant tiger. Yeah. Until, you know, how you're cuddling a cat and it's had enough and it decides to scratch you. Little swipe.

Or now it's scratching you with eight steak knives, basically. So things could go horribly wrong. That is today's top six. Well, the, uh, some stats have come out. The average number of sexual partners by country. Oh, okay.

Now, I have the stats here. I've just Googled for women because I've got the stats here for men. And New Zealand, congratulations. Oh, we've done well, have we? Well, we have. We are number three. What's a we have the third most partners? Average sexual partners.

Whose? Not third most average as in like, ah, we're very average. How'd they find this out? Nobody asked you, did they? No one asked me. No one asked me how many. The census that I did yesterday didn't ask me how many people I've slept with.

Well, that would have been a great question Yeah I've always said I'm not married There should be better questions There should be better questions There should be juicy questions I kind of get it

Last night doing the census I just flew through it In like two minutes I'm like yeah There could have been heaps more And then Sade's like No because if it was too much longer People just wouldn't do it

And they're better to keep it short and sweet But I just I think people love talking about themselves And so you'd always answer questions about yourself in a little survey. Especially if they're asking nice juicy questions.

The census should be like what we used to do at school is where you write like all the questions down the side in a friendship book and then you write like who's your crush. Yeah.

You know, favourite flavoured drink. Favourite colour. Yeah. Yeah. Celebrity who you would think you'd be besties with. So at the bottom of this list is India. Yeah.

With an average of three. This is for men. So this is this year so far, right? No, no, this is... All up. I can see how you would think that. This is all up. Okay.

Oh, the lifetime. Yeah, well, like at that point in your life. Yeah. So India's at the bottom. Round there is Slovakia, China, Malaysia, Poland, Spain. That's surprising. Then we come up round about the middlings who are rocking about a nine in the nines.

Oh, this is going to be bad, isn't it? The UK, Japan, Greece, Austria, Denmark, Bulgaria. They're sort of around the middle. And up the top three, we're third in New Zealand with an average amount of sexual partners. This is for men, 13.2. How do you have sex with 0.2 as a person? Is that just hand stuff?

A little hand stuff. It's just hand stuff. Or it had been a while, it was unexpected, just like it was over before it started. You called it a sexual encounter. Well, it was that time. Or it could have just been a while, it was unexpected, just like, it was over before it started. You didn't even call it a sexual encounter. Well, it was that time. Or it could have just been a parting hug. Yeah, yeah.

With a slight arousal. With a slight simmy. And then, just so we're 13.2, we just missed out on the second spot to Australia, 13.3. So they had a little bit more. Right. And who's number one? God bless them. Turkey. Oh, wow.

The Turkish. I would have thought, because when you were reading out the bottom ones, I said those are quite conservative countries. Yeah. What was England? The UK, because I thought they would be up there with us. 9.8. They're right in the middle.

Have you seen them? Not all of them, but some of them. United States, 10.7. I suppose you'd also go like quite a religious country, United States. A lot of Christians. So we're 13.2. I was trying to say.

A lot of hypocrites as well, because it's always those conservative Christian members of the Senate that are caught, you know, with a boy in an airport bathroom, aren't they? Yes. They're probably lying. I feel like it'd be hard to get the truth on this. What did you put for your census last night?

What? You know. How many? That wasn't a question in the census. How many people you'd slept with? How many partners? If six people were partners. No, I was talking about, you know, the bisexual one.

Oh, I put heterosexual. I've seen him kiss a guy. Absolutely he has. Yeah. He just hasn't come out to himself. There wasn't a scale, was there? I couldn't drag the scale most of the way down the end. While trying to find this, I've found like,

while trying to find the women's stats, the average number of sexual violence comes from... It's international women's, they are through, lest we forget. Hell yeah, I want to know how much sex we have. You are sexual creatures. There was an article from Stuff in 2009 saying that Kiwi women were the most promiscuous in the world with an average of

20.4 sexual partners in their lifetime. Which was a survey done by... What? Sorry? I said good work sisters. Did you say go you good thing wahine toa? Yeah, yeah. I swear I heard hussies.

I don't know. Sometimes I forget syllables when I'm talking. Oh, right. Yeah, right. Okay. So, yeah, that was a long time ago. But that's way different than even the top on the men's list. Oh, my God.

There's an article, me trying to find the average number of women. It's a very hot, horny photo that is on the top of that article. That'll be flagged by IT. That's going to increase my number. What? How do you think the number works? I don't know. Silly little pole, silly little pole. It is so silly, silly, silly that the silly little pole, silly little pole, silly little pole, silly little pole, silly little pole. Today's silly little pole, ruthless question.

Yeah. How could we even ask this question? I haven't even looked at the results yet. I'm about to click on it because I feel it's going to be a savage blow to fathers everywhere. It's me. Who's your favourite parent, mum or dad? Mum. Mum got two thirds of the vote. Dad

got 34%. Mum got 66%. I didn't vote in this. I did not contribute to these stats. I would, I choose death. I can't. You couldn't do that to Craig. I couldn't do that to Craig. I couldn't do that to Craig. I couldn't do that to Patsy. Especially, she's in the private wing of the hospital now. I know.

After spinal surgery. She is. She wouldn't need that now. No, she couldn't take it now. Well, she probably needs you to tell her she's the favourite now. Yeah, she might actually. I know, but the same token. My father's all alone at the moment in a cold house without his wife, worried sick.

My dad, my dad. He needs to be the favourite. He needs to be the favourite. I couldn't. I simply wouldn't. Okay, so we've got messages in. So what, how many percent in favour for mothers? Two thirds of percent.

Two thirds of people said mum. 66%. 66. Catastrophe, which I'm guessing is something called like Christina or Christina or Krista. Okay. But the username is Catastrophe. Catastrophe. which I'm guessing is something called like Christina or Christina or Krista. Okay. But the username is Catastrophe. Yeah. Catastrophe.

No one is better than one's own mum. Let's face it, anyone who says otherwise is lying. Why are you saying that? Nah, dads and daughters though. Catherine said, OMG, what a question. But didn't say which way she voted. I wonder how many people abstained and just skipped through without voting. I skipped it.

Caroline says, mum is self-centred and never asks me anything about my life, but dad does. He was the one who cheated on mum too, and I'm still closer to him. Wow. That's a bit juicy. That's juicy. That's juicy. I was just about to say, dad might have been justified in his cheating. Mum sounds like a bitch.

But I feel like I'm just on the defensive now because Dad's, we're going to come out swinging. Dad's are losing, yeah. Because we want to be favourite. Poor Mum. We're too similar and push each other's buttons. Less effort is required with me and my Dad. I still love them both equally.

Doesn't sound like it. No, you voted for Dad. Because you voted for Dad. Helen. Mum handled everything. She understood everything. Dad. Helen. Mum handled everything. She understood everything. Dad always passed the phone to Mum. Anyway, every time.

Ask your mother. Exactly. Every time I called, he says, oh, wait, hang on, let me get Mum. Oh, okay, I was talking to you too, Dad, but okay, Mum works too. He always asked for a translation of what happened afterwards. Like, through Mum. Mum would filter it down to him. It doesn't mean I love him any less.

I rung once to talk to my grandad on his birthday. I always remember this. And he wasn't a talker. He was a quiet man. And I rang him and I said, happy birthday. He said, oh, it's just another day. I said, oh, what have you got planned for your day? He's like, oh, I did nothing really.

Anyway, I'll get Nana for you. I was like, no, I rung to talk to you. It's your birthday. And all he still was, oh, it's another bloody day. Yeah, gotta get a bloody day. Anyway, I'll get Nana for you. I was like, no, I'm wrong. Oh, it's another bloody day. Yeah, I got another bloody day. Anyway, I'll get Nana for you. I was like, I can't imagine what it was like if you were talking to your dad and he pulled that. I refuse to

choose, says Tiana. Good girl. Good girl. Good girl, Tiana. Rochelle says, mum gives me love and emotional support. Dad gives me the realistic options and financial support I need. She's getting a bit of everything from everybody there.

Dad went to get milk 37 years ago, says Janelle. I think his car broke down, so hopefully he'll be home soon. Like,

that's like a funny trope, right? Dad left and didn't come back. Imagine if your dad just literally no announcement just disappeared.

Yeah. They do sometimes. just disappeared. Yeah. They do sometimes. They do. Yeah. They do sometimes. I'm sorry to hear that. I'm sorry to hear that, Janelle. They do.

Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley. My God. You didn't even go to Harry Styles last night. I slept for eight and a half hours last night. I hate you. That is so glorious.. I slept for eight and a half hours last night. I hate you. That is so glorious. I think I have four and a half hours. Shannon,

Shanalette Pyjamas, we'll cross to her now after a big night at Harry Styles. How are you holding up? I'm quite tired. Oh my goodness, I sound horrible. I can hear it.

The voice is slowly, that is slowly coming back. Yeah, it is coming back. Are you hungover as well or just? No, just shattered. Just so tired. Shattered Shannon. You screamed a lot last night. Oh, it is coming back. Are you hungover as well or just? No, just shattered. Just so tired. You screamed a lot last night. Oh, I was feral.

Everyone around me would have hated me. Can we have that video of how much you screamed? Yeah, do you want me to play it? I don't know if we should, but I feel like. This is just a great reminder that not going to Harry Styles was the right choice for me. How good do we feel? I can play it off mic if you want. I feel terrible.

Maybe just pull it back when you scream. This is why Shannon has no voice this morning. That's Shannon. Wow. I don't know, Harry. The death metal. Was that just you the whole concert? Yeah.

Oh, my God. Those poor people next to you. There was children around us. Yeah. Scarred children. Good night, Shannon. I'll see you tomorrow. I've already planned out the drive-through on the way home.

Carlin and I have mapped out a BK. Excuse me? You will go to the show sponsor. Excuse me? Excuse me? I was about to ask you to add some nuggies to the order, but I don't know what the Zoschi was going to say. Someone's in trouble.

Wow. No voice and no job. That's a hell of a combo. Play. ZM's Fletch Vaughan and Hayley. I teased before that I've got a passion, and I love this, but I wouldn't have known it was my number one passion. I don't know if I had to pick your number one passion.

Probably barbecuing. I love barbecuing. Love barbecuing. Lawn care. Love lawn care. Love tinkering. Love D&D. Sauces.

Sauces. Sauce. Sauce. S-A-U-C-E-R. No, not R. You do what you've made. I love the saucers. Flying saucers.

Flying saucers. You've made your own. I've made my own sauce. You love hot sauce. Yeah. I cleaned out the fridge at the weekend and redid my sauce shelf. I've got a sauce shelf. And that's just my hot sauce shelf.

And then the top shelf of the fridge is the condiments, which is your more. Tomatoes. Tomato sauce, tomato sauce, burger sauce, sweet chilli, sweet chilli sauce, mayonnaise, picklenaise. We've got all the sauces. Oh, I've got aioli picklenaise.

Is that the Cully's one? The Cully's picklenaise is so good. Well, this is why I am introducing my new feature, Sauce of the Week. Because I got sent, what did sent, what's that face for? Later. Oh, okay.

So I got sent, Cully said to me, we've got some kids' sauces that we think your kids might like. Can we send them? I was like, absolutely. What's a kids' sauce? I don't know. I'm yet to find out because the box arrived. I thought it was going to be kids' sauce.

I opened it up and they were like, kids' sauce will be here in a couple of weeks here's some sauces in the meantime and I was like God bless you now in there

is today's sauce of the week now wait you want to every week talk about a sauce talk about a sauce is it always going to be Cully?

no no no this isn't this is just me a sauce lover the sauce is sauce yeah pointing you towards my sauce of the The sauce's sauce. Yeah.

Pointing you towards my sauce of the week. What's your segment going to be called? The sauce. The sauce. With Vaughn. Sauce of the week. Vaughn's sauce of the week. The sauce of the week. Saucy, saucy.

Vaughn's saucy. Saucy sauces. Saucy sauces. Saucy sauces with Vaughn. Yeah, yeah, yeah. See. Sauces for courses. Horses for sauces.

Saucy sauces. Smith's saucy sauces. A nightmare Straight from the sauce Straight from the sauce Straight from the sauce Not a bad idea Vaughn's Saucy Sauces

Straight from the sauce Straight from the sauce Saucy Sauces Dead end And we have a news bulletin Dead end He's got to have a little something I've already got next week's

Saucy I don't know Next week's Saucy Sources I don't know What are your thoughts on this? I just love sauce I don't know how this is a saucy sauce. I don't know. What are your thoughts on this? I just love sauce. I don't know how much time we want to give to this. It could be a small, like a one minute.

It feels like a 5.30am thing. Like a pre-show warmer. You could come in early and do it. The dairy farmers and the truck drivers and the bakers and the couriers get to hear all the sauces. What about you? What about you, Ray? Your retail work is getting up now, getting ready for work. You could just put on your own personal social media and we don't have to?

I was thinking about that as well. Yeah. Because I'm very passionate about sauces. Oh, you do love sauces. Let's see how this goes. We'll get some audience feedback. In fact, do you even love barbecue meat and food or is it just the sauce? That's one of my longest friends.

When I cleaned it out, I sent the lads a picture of the cleaned out cupboards and fridges. And I was like, guys, if you want some easy brownie points, this is the easiest. One Valentine's Day, my gift to Shadow was cleaning out like the hot water cupboard. Like rolling the towel, stacking things,

like putting it all together and I've never seen that woman so worked up. Horny. Yeah. Like you're giving her like a hundred oysters. Yeah.

So she came home, they went out. A hundred oysters? With their own hands. She's like, because if out. A hundred oysters. She's like. If you had a hundred oysters, one of them's going to be bad. That's just the rules. If you had a hundred oysters, one of them's going to give you the shits.

I mean, my point was you're an aphrodisiac. What have you done to me? So they went out at the weekend and she came home and I was like, I've got a little something to show you. Yep. And I opened the fridge. I was like, I've cleaned the fridge yet. I've stacked it.

I've cleaned it. I've wiped the shelves. I've wiped down everything. And look, I've sorted out this annoying cupboard under the sink. Pulled that open. I mean, I'm. Yeah. And she was just like, better now.

Yeah, I bet. I'm... Yeah. And she was just like, bedroom now. Yeah. Children, screen time. You to the bedroom. I don't know. I was savaged. I don't know if we need a sauce of the week. I sent the lads the picture of the cleaned out cupboards and I said, easy brownie points here.

And it reiterated to Callum, one of my longest friends, said, this just establishes that you don't actually like food. You just use it to carry sauce. I don't eat unsauced things or unseasoned things. Yeah. It's all about the sauce.

Food's gotta be wet. It started as a young child when my grandmother introduced me to what just a sauce. And it's gone on. to what just a sausage sauce. And it's gone on. Here's this week's source of the week. I've got the Cully's website open. I'm ready. Here's this week's source of the week.

Cully's Wasabi Mayonnaise. Okay. I'm on board for source of the week. My dudes it's Women's Day. I'm being left out. My dudettes. No, dudettes on International Women's Day. My dudes and dudettes.

It's International Dudette Day. Thank you. Thank you so much. This is not paid. And I won't be corrupted either. I'm not going to be corrupted. You will be. You'll literally be sent sources.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. But they can send the sources, but the source king won't knight the source. Did you just hear that? He's calling himself the source king. I'm the source is, but the source king won't knight the source. Did you just hear that? He's calling himself the source king. I'm the source king. The source king won't anoint your source as a knight of the round source table. Okay. Or a dame.

Or just a knight. I'm a knight. You can be a knight. Females can be knights. What's your name from? I'm what's your name from? Brianne of Tarth. I'm Brianne of Tarth.

Female, I will knight. I don't believe sources have genders, but I will knight the sauce and it will join the round table. I won't be corrupted. The sauce looks grey. Do grey. No, it's green. In the website, you've got to tell me that's grey. That's a bad photo.

They need to redo that photo. That's grey. Yeah, they need to pop the green. Pop the green. It's like a wasabi green. Like a wasabi green. Has it got real wasabi in it? That I do not know.

Or is it horseradish? But it was just the creaminess of the mayonnaise with the pop of wasabi. And it gives you just that little back of the mouth, that little. Yeah, I don't want to pick holes in this. But that's more of a condiment than a sauce. It's a sauce. This should be condiment of the week. No, it's a sauce.

Yeah, mayonnaise is definitely a condiment. It's a condiment. It's not a sauce. I'm sorry. No, there's a squirt on from a bottle, so it's a sauce. Nah. Would you call mayonnaise a sauce?

Well, it's of the sauce family. Sauce of the week is off to a rocky start because that's a condiment. What about controversial condiment? It's under the sauce umbrella, the umbrella of sauces. This curry mayo looks good. I haven't had the curry mayo.

There's a chipotle. Oh, I like that. Yeah, but you know what? Like, I've had a creamy chipotle before. I haven't had a wasabi mayo before. Look at that. Curry. Look at that on a fritter.

Oh, that's a bit of mayo. I love curry. But again, that's a condiment. No, that's a sauce. No, a mayo is a condiment. If you can squirt it or shake it out of a bottle, I believe it's a bit of mayo. I love curry. But again, that's a condiment. No, that's a sauce. No, a mayo is a condiment. If you can squirt it or shake it out of a bottle, I believe it's a sauce. What's bacon-aise?

It's mayonnaise flavoured bacon. What's bacon flavoured mayonnaise? Okay, well, look, we can have a talk in the planning meeting if this is going to continue. Sauce. Because this just sounds like you're getting source from big source. No, that's not big. I don't think Carly's is quite big source.

You know how this works. You're getting bought out by big source. I'm not getting bought out by big source. I'm uncorruptible. You are corruptible. I'm the king of source. You literally took all your kids' Raymonds in for free and posted about it. Yeah, that's not corruptible.

That's corruptible. That's not corruptible. That's not within my source kingdom. It's corrupted. Wow. That's just... If you're a politician, you'd lose your job. It's corrupted. Wow. That's just... If you're a politician, you'd lose your job. I'm not a politician.

I'm a king of sauces. I'm the king. Now, it'll be different. I would maybe think differently on this if we also got sauce. And I don't want this every week. You can get sauce. Vaughan Smith. Sauce king.

You can address your sauces to the sauce king. No. That'll find its way to the castle. It's not happening. Sauce of the week. You've got to try this was the castle. It's not happening. Source of the week. You've got to show this wasabi mayo. It gets right in the back of the... Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley.

Play ZM. ZM Open. Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley's Community Notices. Hello and welcome to Community Notices, a segment of the show where we have a look at what's happening around New Zealand according to local Facebook pages screencapped by you and sent to us. Yeah, if you see something pop up on your local Facebook page, screenshot it, send it to us.

Send it in. We've been a bit... Yeah. We've been a bit... Useless. Lazy lately. Yeah. So we would like to encourage you to screencap them and send them on in.

Mm. I feel like local community pages as of late have been, have you seen my house? I encourage you to screen cap them and send them on in. I feel like local community pages as of late have been, have you seen my house? Floated down the street. Oh, yeah, yeah. Has anybody seen my car? You know what? As much as we get a bit of enjoyment out of it,

we get to laugh at the local crazy from the comfort of our own home, they do good stuff during times of emergency. Oh, yeah. And it always upsets me that it takes, you know, destruction and chaos and people losing things for a community to really come together. We've been so divided lately. We have.

We've been so divided lately. Well, that's because you were camping outside Parliament for three weeks. Yeah, and I did get a little bit happy with the bricks. God, man, you were hiffing the babies. I was throwing babies. You were, you were. Not funny, but right in my hand.

Yeah. Whoosh. Anyway, this one from a Countdown customer service card. These are the ones that get popped in the little display thing. Sort of like what community notices were before community notices. 45-year-old male looking for outgoing female flatmate in the 19 to 29-year-old age group. Oh, dude. He's flatmate in the 19 to 29 year old age group. He's got cameras in the bathroom.

That's your warning. There is a follow up. I've got a Porsche. A Porsche? I think they mean Porsche. I've got a Porsche. I've misspelled Porsche. Oh no. I know if you've got a Porsche, chances are you know how to spell Porsche. Yeah, but he's got a Porsche. I've got a Porsche. I've misspelled Porsche. Oh, no. And now, I know if you've got a Porsche, chances are you know how to spell Porsche.

Yeah, but he's got a Porsche. Now you're like... That'd be gross. 45-year-old man, I look about going female flatmate, 19 to 29, I've got a Porsche. Now, this could be fake because New Zealand has a beautiful long history of the fake ones of these getting online and doing the rounds. Gotta be. We've got a good sense of humour, don't we?

Yeah. Or it could be real gross. It's real and it's yuck. We should call the number. Is there a number on it? Yes, there is. All right. No, but people put down their friends' numbers.

Yes, they do that. Oh my God, they'll be like, good morning. What's up, Stan? You got a Porsche, do you? I hear you got a Porsche. What the heck? A Porsche. I drive a Leaf.

The Kaia Poi Residence Notice Board, an anonymous group member, has said, Spotted this in the wild today. Saw it rustling away in the undergrowth on our walk around the river. Someone must be missing it. It's not the panther, is it? It's not the panther. That hasn't been spotted for a while. It's another mythical creature. The purple dilly.

The rare purple dilly. The purple dilly. Ah. The rare purple dilly. The rare purple rabbit. Yes. But you'd turn it off before you, how would you lose that and it was still rustling around in the grass?

It's probably just someone driving along and they're like, I've had enough of this and chucked it out the window. Like a lot of people do with litter and it's disgusting. Yeah, it is. I think, you know what blows my mind?

People steal litter from cars. Dude, when you say that, you're like, huh? What? What are you doing? Just toss something out the window and you're like, I have never. Why? But it's either that or it ends up in your car for like weeks on end, stinking it out. Or put it in your own rubbish bin when you get home.

Yeah. Don't throw it. Throwing rubbish bin when you get home. Yeah. Throwing rubbish out the window is insane. Here's my question about... You should be able to legally ram someone off the road if you see them. Hey! Bull fish, pick up your dillies. Here's my question about dillies, though. That is International Women's Day.

I will say, Fletch, you screwed your face up there. Please don't you dare cut her off. Is my pleasure repulsive to you? Yeah. I'm sorry that a woman can't enjoy her pleasure. I never said that. You're putting things in my mouth. Female pleasure.

On International Women's Day, you're putting things in your mouth. Leave them for her, mate. Jesus Christ. You're a true feminist, Vaughn. I am. I'm an ally. And it is a pleasure to be in your company. You get that out feminist, Bourne. I am. I'm an ally. And it is a pleasure to be in your company. You get that out of your mouth and give it to her.

Now, what? Man, it's live radio. I was about to do something utterly terrible. Well done. She's learning. You are learning so well. Thank you. You're doing so well. What are you supposed to do with them once you no longer want them?

Maybe you've upgraded. Where do they go? You can't, like, you don't give them to your friends. Well, if it's got a lithium battery and it needs to be recycled, because those things are dangerous and they leak over time in a landfill. Take it to, isn't the mobile phone stores that have that big kind of recycling thing? Oh, my God, imagine. Pop it in the top.

You shouldn't be handing it if it's still got a bit of life. That sounded like it still had a bit of life in it. Yeah, I know. Give it a spritz with some Ajax or spray and wipe. No, you can't do that. It's got to be a neutral. Serious question. Could the latex, the outside bit, be cut off with a craft knife

and deposited in a regular recycling bin? No. You don't put latex in your recycle bin. Okay, I didn't know. It's your ones, your twos, your paper and your glass. Yeah, okay, okay. That's not a... What is the recycling triangle on an adult fun toy?

I don't think they're recyclable because they're made up of too many different materials. Right, they've got to be pulled apart. Wait till they're... You know how they're like, today we're in the area collecting electronics, bring down computers and laptops and televisions and stuff. Maybe you could take them down that day

and they'll strip them down and then use the parts for, they'll recycle them for different parts. Okay. Oh, yeah, most recyclers don't want anything to do with items that have been in contact with sexual fluids. They view them as a biohazard. So all of our, every dilly in the world will just be in the world forevermore.

Yes, although there is an article here about recycling. New Zealand's first Dilly recycling program launched. One news. Are they calling it Dilly's? Oh my God. On my birthday last,

two years ago on the 21. Wow. 2021. Right in the midst of a pandemic. We were hooning through them. Oh my God. We were hooning through them. Buy now. Buy now. Buy now. O We were hooning through them. Buy now.

That's why. Buy now. Buy now. Overnight shipping. Express shipping. Buy now. Everybody was getting it. And some of them are being made recyclable, which is fantastic.

That is good. That is good. He's getting a real close up look at that, aren't you? No, no, no. I'm on to the next one. From the Marlborough Cool Cat Chat. Lost Indian ring neck. Oh, man, this person needs some punctuation.

A lost Indian ringneck. Now, that's a type of bird. From Carina Crescent, Redwood Town area, about an hour ago. Hand-reared and semi-friendly. Responds to his name, which is Eric. And busted onion. Busted onion? Busted onion.

Okay. Or when you say, cops, cops, cops, he hides the drugs. Oh, my God. Likes to eat fruit and nuts. Loves grapes and pears. Would love to have him home. Gareth is still, I believe, still looking for his lost Indian ring neck called Eric. In Glenham.

If you come across one of those, be sure to let Gareth know. Those are today's community notices. If you see anything on your local Facebook page or neighbourly or wherever the stuff's going down in your hood, screen cap it and send it to us. We are FVHZM on all the socials. Well, happy International Women's Day. Thank you.

We tried to have a debate before about... Sorry. It's not your day. It's not my day. It's not your day. It's not my day. We tried to have a debate before about who your favourite woman was. Now, it's too hard, especially for someone like Vaughan

whose life is surrounded by women. Beautiful, powerful, great woman. Yeah. Everywhere I look. Thank you. Beautiful, powerful, great woman. Yeah. Everywhere I look. Thank you. See, that's where I, I could say thank you, but not you. Anyway, yesterday I got a call from my lovely niece. Okay. Lucy. And she said, can I call you?

I want to ask you something. And I was like, absolutely, you can call me. I'm the cool auntie. Cool auntie. How are you? I'm the coolest auntie. Because you don't have any of your own kids for them to compete with. I know. When you want kids, you can swoop in, be a little cool auntie I'm the coolest auntie You don't have any of your own kids for them to compete with I know When you want kids you can swoop in, be a little cool auntie How old is she? Do you buy her beers? She's an intermediate

So not yet Not quite yet Anyway so she called me And we had a bit of a chat Because we've always gotten on Ever since she was very, very young. And then she said, I want to ask you something. Tomorrow it's International Women's Day and at school we've been asked

to come to school dressed as the person you look up to the most. Uh-oh. Oh. So an astronaut probably. And I would like to come to school dressed as you. Wow. Wow. Thank you very much. Thank you very much. So an astronaut probably And I would like to come to school dressed as you Wow Wow Thank you very much How do you dress as you?

Cool, hot, looking awesome, looking like fresh and fit Right, I just, I don't know, looking like a badass Yeah, okay Do you think I'm neutral? Do you think I'm playing? Do you think that I would be indistinguishable from the next woman? Weird she didn't choose like Jacinda Ardern or something, you know? What's she done? What's she done?

I mean, the pinnacle. I get it. I always think you went someone like Jean Batten just because then you could look up, dress like you fly a plane, put some goggles on. It was never who you actually looked up to. It was who you could scrounge up an outfit to look the most like. That's crazy. I'm going to fly across the Tasman Sea.

Yeah, right. No, she's dressing up as me. And then she said... What a great excuse to wear my Minions onesie to school. Who'd you dress up as? There's no female Minions. Oh, they're genderless. They've got mounds.

They're genderless. There's nothing there. I don't know how they repopulate, but they just... There are mounds, yeah. I don't actually know how a Minion... How they procreate. I think I've Googled this once. It's like spores, isn't it?

Isn't it spores? Yeah, it's like a fungi. Oh. I said to her, I was like, what are you going to wear? And she said, I'm just going to wear like a cool outfit

that I think that you would wear. She's been looking on Instagram, like, you know, something cool and funky. And her dad was going to pick her up some accessories and she's just sent me this morning. Isn't she cute?

Okay, so she's got headphones on. Pretty cute. She's got headphones on. She's got a microphone. She's got some sort of Doc Martens style boots on. Very me. Very you. Black long skirt.

You know me. Black sack. I'll wear it. And a denim jacket. You know what she should have in her pocket? A little uber soilage fee. She's got a little sneaky bottle of gin. And then in the other pocket she could have that time she keeps driving in bus lanes

and going up to red lights. A little infringement. She could have a pocket full of infringements. We love infringements. And she should be drunk by lunchtime. Yeah, she should have a little wine glass in her hand from about now. She also asked me, I was confronted and I started to wonder who I was as a person. She said they also, during the presentation you say

who am I? Who am I inspired by? And you say I've asked this person what their top five values are in life. And she's like so what are yours? And I was like um Values is a word. I don't have any values. I hung up and I said give me a little bit to think about

and then I text them to her. But it took me a while to think about what my values were. What did you go for? What are your top five values? Money. Money, fame, sex. Play. ZM's Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley.

There'll be a few tired people today. I'm one of them after Harry Styles last night. Shannon, Shannon let pyjamas at the social media desk. She's in a bloody state. How are you? Not hungover, but just no voice. It's slowly coming back a bit more. That's good.

Yeah, that sounds a lot better. But you were asleep at the desk earlier. I was resting my eyes. Okay, just resting my eyes. All right, Dad. All right, Dad, who doesn't want to be told he's too tired and he should just go to bed. Dad, are you watching the movie we can turn on?

No, just resting my eyes. Just resting my eyes. It's just the rest of my teeth. There is a guy in the UK who has just sparked a massive debate. Sorry, in the US. And he works at a supermarket and he wrote in a Facebook post

saying, hang on everyone. I feel like you guys have not been taught how to use the conveyor belt divider correctly. Now this is the thing that says like, thank you for shopping and it's like a little tube and you put it in with someone on the checkout. Separates your grocery store and the people behind you.

Exactly. I love to use it and when I'm done, I love to give it to the next person. You know, replace it back. No, I put it on that slidey thing at the back and go and it goes. Oh yeah. That's what that's for. An absolute kit. It, and it goes, zip. Oh, yeah. That's what that's for. An absolute kit.

It might just be a happy coincidence. Yeah. They didn't design that to slide the thing back. Yeah, I don't know why I just do that. So he says, he sent a photo saying right and wrong. Wrong is the way that I imagine anyone listening uses it, which is as he's called it. A privacy fence.

You're putting it up as a fence line, right? Horizontal across the board, their groceries and ours. He said, no, no, no, you're supposed to put it vertically, like long ways. No. So not standing up on the end, but long ways, pointing. So one end points to your groceries and one end points to their groceries. Exactly.

That's way too big a gap. They don't have too much of the conveyor belt. That's a good foot in a bit of real estate. If you're adding groceries and they're taking their time, you know, beeping, that's a whole lot that you could be using as space. But he said it's something to do with tripping the sensor of how it actually is supposed to move. He said you need to put it long ways to keep the distance. The sensor.

Okay, well, hang on. Producer Jared. Former checkout chick. Happy International Women's Day. Happy International Women's Day, hang on. Producer Jared. Former checkout check. Today, International Women's Day. Happy International Women's Day, Producer Jared. Thank you. Former checkout check. Tell us, are we doing this wrong?

How did you like the divider? We liked it horizontal because then there wasn't like a metre of empty space. Did they teach you this? Yeah, they said, well, kind of. They just said, here's the thing, you know what to do. Yeah, exactly. We just all learnt it wrong our whole lives. I think this guy's wrong. He's 100% wrong. This would slow things down so

much. And also the slidey thing where you push it down. Yeah, us checkout checks had a game with that, where we see how close to tipping off the end we can get it. Like coins. Yeah. Like the tipping point. Like the tipping point, but pack and save point. Like coins. Yeah. The coins go when you cross the table. Like the tipping point, but pack and save point. Yep, that's the one.

So now supermarkets around the world are commenting. Some supermarkets have agreed. What? In the United States. No, no, no, no, no, no. And then Coles, the big supermarket bloody chain from Australia, have said you can use it any way you want. Oh, get off the fence, Coles.

Come on, Switzerland. I know, so they're saying, like, they're just a handy way for customers to see. We haven't heard it from producer Jared. It leaves a big gap. It wastes time. Well, there's, like, tens of thousands of comments on this post now. And it's... Why don't we make that tomorrow's silly little poll?

No, because the answer will be 0%. I'm going to go to the supermarket today and I'll do it and people will be like, huh? I don't need any groceries. Ma'am, please, you're taking up half of the conveyor belt with this ridiculous... She's allowed to, it's International Women's Day. You can do what you want today.

I'm allowed to do what I want. I'm going to crash my car, I can bloody say what I want. No, don't take it too far. People remember what happened on International Women's Day after International Women's Day is over. No. It's like amnesty. I can just do whatever I want.

We just got a letter. We just got a letter. We just got a letter. Wonder who it's from. It's from Audi, New Zealand. Now, you may remember we talked about this. One, we've been talking about the state of my car. I can't get into my car without setting the alarm off.

It's the only way to get the car started in the morning. It stinks. There's chips everywhere. There's melted chocolate in the middle console. These are all your fault, apart from the car not starting properly. No, the car not starting properly started to annoy me, so I started treating the car badly.

Okay. Because it's treating me badly, tit for tat. Tit for tat. And then I'm the only one getting tatted. Your poor little Mazda. I hate it. Do you know what? I bought it from Pax Asadi.

Renowned comedian. I hate it, Pax. He's done me dirty. Still doesn't have a spare tyre, does it? No spare tyre. Yeah. No spare tyre. Never buy a car off a friend.

Never. Never. I know, and I smashed the sound control thing, the April car play, and then I got that replaced with a worse one, and now the sound's bad. It's bad. It's a bad car. And a few weeks ago, you may remember, I emceed the Audi Awards, and at those awards, I was really playing my cards

right to try to become an Audi ambassador. Okay. Do you get an Audi now for hosting these awards? Yeah, that's how they pay me, with a $100,000 car. That's wild. No, but boy, oh boy was I angling. I reckon watch this space.

I'm going to really work on this. I'm going to be an Audi ambassador, I reckon. They'll have me. Have they seen the way you drive? Because probably not after that. Have they seen the state of my car? So that was a few weeks ago. That was a few weeks ago.

Now, the Audi ambassadors, there's three of them. There's Steve Hansen, former All Blacks coach. There's Juliet Hogan, who's a New Zealand fashion designer. Incredible. And there's Steve Dunstan. Yeah, from Huffa. From Huffa. Now, when you're an ambassador.

Look at Vaughan's face. Like, are you hearing yourself? What? You want to be one of these people, but you're like not even in their league. No, but this is the thing that I'm trying to say to Audi, right? Like these people have an air of riche. You know, they're sort of like, ooh la la la, we are nouveau riche. And they get an Audi, and as the new Audis come out, they're sort of like, ooh la la la, we are nouveau riche. And they get an Audi

and as the new Audis come out, they replace with Audis and they're just the ambassadors and they go on these cool trips and stuff. And I was like, you need a young angle. You need a cool, funky, young,

kind of like wild girl angle. I want drink and drive. But they don't want a cool, funky, wild girl angle. I want drink and drive and I will treat the car well. You drive in bus lanes and go around red lights.

You literally ran a red light. When I'm in a hurry. You literally ran a red light. When I'm in a hurry. You literally ran a red arrow. But that's the badass attitude they're missing. With these well-to-do New Zealanders. Now I think I bring a sort of young kind of like, she's got a rough girl, almost like a Gen Z

energy. And you have for the last few weeks. They don't want that. Yes they do. Because Audi, the feeling of Audi is that it's so exclusive and rich and unapproachable, but no. What other car brands do they have under their umbrella? They might have something more suitable to you. Citroën. Citroën.

You're more like a Suzuki. I thought you'd be like a Suzuki Swift. No. She's more of a Suzuki Swift ambassador. Don't you think? That's an excellent, that's a lovely car. That's an economical, economical car. Why not?

I know it's economical. I know it's economical. I'm not. I refuse. You've been angling. I've been angling. I've been talking about any opportunity. This has now come in the mail. This was in the mail. There was a gold box. I will be... There was a gold box and there was a letter from Audi New Zealand. This is not going to be an Audi.

I've got an Audi. Hi Hayley. We couldn't help but hear your campaign. The power of radio. We couldn't help but hear your campaign for Audi to gift you an Audi, and we think we have the car for you. The all-new, fully electric Q4 e-tron. It hasn't even arrived in New Zealand yet.

It's so new, you are the very first New Zealander to get your hands on one before they officially arrive later this year. Is it in my driveway? I haven't texted Aaron yet. Well, it's not new in New Zealand yet. You said you could bring a cool, fun vibe to the Audi brand. Let's see what you've got. Show us where you can take the brand new 100% electric Audi Q4 e-tron.

We're not giving you one of those. Speak soon, the team at Audi. And now there's a gold box that's just chocolates. Or it's a toy Audi. It's a toy car. It's a model of the electric car. It's a model of it. I think in here is an Audi.

Is it somehow is an Audi? Is it a key? Do you think it's the keys to your new Audi? Okay, I'm opening this. Oh, my God, the power of radio. It's worked. Okay, it's a black box. With Audi's logo on the front.

Or with Audi's logos on it. Before it rings. Do you think this is Keith? I don't know. You think I'm getting an Audi right now? Is this what's happening right now? This isn't a YouTube video with Mr. Beast. This isn't the latest Brent O'Neill video where he's giving his sister an Audi for her birthday.

This doesn't happen here. It is a MrBeast video. Should we smash it up with Sledgehammer? That is what MrBeast would do. Because we'll make money back from the views. Uh-oh, she's dropped the lip. And she dropped the box. What's in there?

It's a car. It's a model. What's in there? Show us. Well, it's an Audi. It's a little model of the electric car I thought it was a car That's all you're getting I thought I was about to get a car live on radio

Mate we've been working on this for 19 years No one's just getting a car They're going to give me a $150,000 car And they didn't Oh no Oh no Oh no But there you go You've got a toy Give me a $150,000 car. Oh, and they didn't. Oh, no. Oh, no. Oh, no. Oh, no.

But there you go. You've got a toy. Thanks, Audi. It's lovely, isn't it? It's grey. I don't like grey cars. Oh, my God. My current car is grey.

Last night when I was filling in the census, my privilege was ever, like, when I was filling in, I was like, do you have anything wrong with your hearing? No. Vision? No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. It got to the bottom. I was like, man, my privilege. However, that pales in comparison to the I don't like grey.

That I just heard from Hayley Stroud. Ooh, this out is grey. Ooh, they better not give me one and then give me a grey one. I don't like grey cars. Well, look. The campaign continues. That's an ugly car, Audi. See, I think you're probably better off trying to get a Suzuki.

Yes. It's a little swift. So zippy. So zippy. Hey, Suzuki. Don't you get another Suzuki. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. The Jimny.

The Jimny? No. Oh, my God. I'm going to become the new, no, no, no, no. The Jimny. The Jimny? No. Oh, my God. I'm going to become the new Suzuki girl. Thanks, Audi. You'll get a Jimny. Next time I emcee your awards, the fee's going up. Play ZM's Fletch for the Nelly.

Play ZM. Just quickly remodel Audi car in studio. A few people have said Audi could be testing you to see how you would promote the Audi before giving you an Audi. But that also means you could do all this legwork for them and not end up getting anything. Yeah, a bit of free work, eh?

But I would love to see a picture of your toy Audi parked in the driveway. Oh, my God. Behind Aaron's ute. Use that forced perspective to make it look... So, funny, behind the scenes, Hayley, before she found out it was just a toy Audi, not a real Audi, she was like,

oh, how am I going to... I'm going to probably have to install a charger. Where am I going to park this? Yeah. I wonder how much I could get for the Mazda on Trade May. Probably 10. You maybe don't sell your Mazda. Too late, it's listed.

And if you're looking for a Mazda 2015 Axela, Japanese import, but it's on Trade May. What's its special thing? Stops the lights. I stop. I stop, yeah. Yeah, it's got Skyactiv technology.

It'll stop at the lights. Yeah, Skyactiv technology. I hate when cars do that. Oh my God. Somebody asked. Oh my God, I hate it. Said, please enough of the paid advertising

for Audi. Oh, that's the other thing here, friend. Audi have paid not a dollar for this. No, nothing. They've paid nothing. Not a dollar.

Yeah. I mean, I'll be billing them. I'll be sending them an for this. No, nothing. They've paid nothing. Not a dollar. Yeah. I mean, I'll be billing them. I'll be sending them an invoice. I'm going to bill them too. One Audi to this address, please. Now, there's a UK swimsuit company that has done a massive study looking at the countries where

travellers are most open to holiday hookups. Trying to see who was was like the most attractive and like where people are going and having these little hookups. And New Zealand's on the list. Like travellers will come here. Okay, because a lot of travellers come here.

Are we high on the list? We're right smack bang in the middle. They did 50 countries. Oh, did Australia beat us? Yeah. Oh my God, I'm just saying. Hot air temperatures. No, but this is about,

yeah, I know, but you know what it's like. It's hotter temperatures, hotter hookups. Yeah. But it's not sexy when everyone's wearing a cardigan. No, cardigans never sexy. No. We are number 24 out of 50.

So we're right in the middle. Number one, I'll just go straight to number one, was India the most appealing place for a traveller's tryst? Really? Yeah. All the spicy food. I can see, I can see. Absolutely.

Picking a few of your boxes, isn't it? Well, it was culture. Yeah. Culture for Culture. Yeah. Culture for me. Yeah, of course. So they did this as well of like where people would want to go

to hook up with people. So this is like basically an attractiveness test. So we're like middle attractiveness. That's okay. Where was Australia though? Where was Australia?

I'm not sure. They don't have the full list here. India was number one for women and number two for men in the most attractive look. They had these photos of people. Canada

was number five. Wait, who was our person? No, no, they're like almost like sort of renderings of your classic person. They look like video game images. They look like scans of all the faces and then they just work out the average face. Yeah, basically.

But if we had to have a male and a female picture to show people in a study, not computer generated, who would it be? Are you asking us? Would we just use the warehouse, the chemist's warehouse with Dan and Honor? Dan and Honor.

Just be easier. It's all done, isn't it? Maybe like Dan Carter fused with like Linda Top. Sort of a middle ground there. A middle ground. Something for everyone. Australia was just above us. Okay.

In 23rd. That's good. I mean, but it's not as bad as if they were like five. It's the Bondi babes. Yeah. You know? So in a separate survey, we know this. They looked at who was the sexiest in terms of accents,

and New Zealand was number one. Really? Really. Are you serious? So that's us. Do you want to have a pash over there? Or should we go for a pash over there? Do you want to have a hookup in my car?

Yeah. Not in your car. Let's have a hookup in my car? Yeah. Not in your car. Let's have a hoon in the rinky-dink. Play. ZDM's Fletch Vaughan and Hayley. Fact of the day, day, day, day, day. Today's Fact of the Day is about the fastest computers in the world. Okay.

The fastest computer in the world is twice as fast as the second fastest computer in the world. What? Whoa, that must be so fast. Is it so fast? Does it know what you want before you even click it? Is that how fast it is? Well, I don't know. Okay.

My computer's pretty fast, but I still have to go, this is where I want to go. It's like processing power to get stuff done. You know when you're finished editing something or maybe you need to render something or... Oh, that'd be good for rendering. CAD design and you're like, these are the dimensions I want for the house.

And then it goes, think, think, think, think, think. I think it would just be quicker at that sort of thing. It'd just be done, yeah. It's measured in petaflops. Petaflops. Petaflops. I've actually been on a diet of, I've already dropped 10 petaflops, so. Dropped a few petaflops?

Yeah, I've dropped a few petaflops. The floating point arithmetic. So how does a pet... Floating point operations per second is the flops. Right. And how does that compare to like a normal computer? Which are what, megabytes or gigabytes? It's heaps. Heaps.

Megahertz? Megahertz? What's megahertz? Flops. It's when you bang your... I don't know how to compare it. Oh, megahertz megahertz what's megahertz flops it's when you bang your I don't know how to compare it oh megahertz how I got onto this

originally was I wonder how the fastest computer now compares to the fastest computer five years ago yeah exponentially faster

yeah they're just getting faster all the time so it doesn't it seems ridiculous that we could be rocking a computer

one day called the Frontier HPE Cray EX235A, which currently runs at 1,102 petaflops RMAX. But somebody once said that about your cell phone. You know? So it's all changing. It's in the United States, the fastest computer in the world too, which I didn't expect in the modern age.

No. The second fastest computer, Japan. And the third fastest computer is in Finland. Oh, good on them. Finland. In Finland. I love Finland. Bit of Finland.

So today's fact of the day is the world's fastest computer is twice as fast as the world's second fastest computer. Fact of the day, day, day, day, day. Census Day was yesterday. If you haven't done it, it's not too late. Do-do-do. Do-do-do-do-do. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley. Census Day was yesterday, if you haven't done it. It's not too late. Mm-hmm. It's good because then the government can know. You just fill it out pretending it was yesterday.

Yeah. Not that easy. I don't think anything on there felt terribly day-specific. No. It was like, how did you get to work this week? Well, like a million people did it early. Yeah. How long does it hang around for, sorry?

How long have we got if you've missed it? It'd be a few days, right? Yeah, no, easy, yeah. I let my kids just do it themselves. Oh, yeah. I was just like, just put on whatever you feel. That's nice. That's open-minded, Dad.

That's really... How much mould is in their bedroom? Yeah. No mould. I don't think they got asked the mould because that was the household question and I did the household question. They were just asked like, what do you do?

School. Where do you go to school? Insert school here. How much money do you earn? Yeah. No, they didn't get asked that, I don't think. No. Yeah.

Unless they did. I didn't check. They just sort of put heaps because they like the sound of it. Yeah. How much money do I earn? How much money doaps because they like the sound of it. Yeah. How much money do I earn? How much money do I want to earn? All of it. Yeah.

But we heard this, speaking of census, speaking of money earned. This is so juicy. Juicy. So juicy. You'll never believe what I found out thanks to this week's census. After Hayley talked about Aaron filling out his form separately, I thought I'd have a little look at my husband's form because he was acting the same way.

All like, oh no, it's a census, it's secret. You've got to do it yourself. Yeah. Turns out he was earning way more money than I was under the impression he earned.

And now I don't know what do I do. Wait, is this a husband? Yes. We don't share money, they go on to say, except for household costs. That's just split down the middle.

But he's never been open about how much he makes. Always letting me believe it was somewhere close to what I make. I'm confused about why he would lie about this. I'm wondering if there's other things that he hasn't done. He's got a separate account. He's got a little side account.

He's got an emergency fund. Emergency get out quickly fund. Yeah. But if you're married, right, it's half yours anyway. Which is probably why he's keeping it a secret. Because then she won't know it's there. She won't come for it. Imagine being married to someone and then you find out

because you read their census form that they're earning way more money than what you've been led to believe they earn. I find it weird enough that married couples don't have joint finances. And maybe that's just because growing up, my grandparents were farmers, my parents were farmers, so everything was in the middle on Everything was in the middle Everything was in the pot Yeah

And it's just How it's always done But I know people That's parents Never had joint finances Apart from like The mortgage How do you pay for things?

I mean I know It's a personal preference Aaron and I have got joint money But I just kind of imagine After dinner being like Oh can you transfer I picked that one up So can you transfer

150 bucks Yeah Yeah let's go Halfs for dinner You owe me one, you know. Splitting it. And you're married. Yeah.

And also not going home and being like, doing the gotta raise dance where you're walking and you're like, gotta raise, gotta raise, gotta raise. And they're like, yeah, yeah. And they back up on you and it's like you're in the club and you're grinding. Yeah.

It is weird. If he started out earning the same amount of money as her but then it's exponentially increased how's he not going maybe guess who big daddy is but if you own a house are you splitting

the mortgage in half because you've got to that comes from one account yeah but you just put money into that account yeah for it to be taken out

whenever you pay your mortgage but then it is it's suspect because if he's earning way more money that extra money must be saved somewhere, right? It's got to be somewhere. And so he is just buying all the toys.

Yeah. Buying himself whatever and just saying, oh, no, that was like a dollar. But then that's all still half hers. That's wild. It's so weird, isn't it? I wonder if people have found out other things from the census. I mean, obviously, one of the key questions they ask is about gender and sexuality. Well, I remember a friend, his rent got put up because the landlord owned the house and saw what they earned on the form.

And it was no coincidence that the next week he's like, hey, your rent's gone up. Oh, wait. So the person that owned the house also lived there? Yes, also lived there. Ah, so they saw the household form. Yeah, because I think it's senseless. I earn over 100 grand a year or something. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And so they were like, oh, well, you can afford a bit more rent. And he was just like, wow, he must have looked at my form. Wow. But yeah, people finding out as well that, you know, all kind of, it's incredible. It's juicy. Yeah. It's juicy yeah it's juicy well

maybe we take some calls on what did you well I I want to know I'm I'm really interested in the couple's

finance thing yeah maybe you've made a discovery like this yourself and you have some insight on how she could approach this because

one you're kind of snooping in the form yeah Aaron did ask me before he said it, can you see my form? Before he did it. What is happening? What is happening? He's definitely hiding something. What's he hiding?

I know his salary. I know his income because I do his taxes and we always submit the IRD. Maybe he's not telling you about the mould. The cashews. He's hiding mould in our own house. Maybe he's lying about his ethnicity. Yeah, he's not Italian.

It's not an Italian family. Oh my god, Cortese comes from somewhere else. So I mean, she says in the email please help. But I guess what she wants to know is if other couples do this. Hey, hey, you go bloody tell your wife.

Hey, hey, hey. Now come on now. Hey, hey, hey. So I don't know. Have you been in this situation? I think we should take some calls. Agreed. Have you found out your partner earns way more?

Have they lied about it or have they had a secret account? Yeah. And if so, what did you do? How did you handle it? How did it all work out? Some insight would be helpful. Well, maybe you're one of these couples that you do separate finances. You're married or you've been together forever. You

just put a little bit into the kitty for the power or the mortgage and that's it. You just do with whatever you want your own money. Or maybe you're keeping your salary or your income secret. I'd love to know why you're doing that. Does your partner not know how much you earn? Yeah.

Because I guess they'd expect you to pay for more things, right? If you earn way more they'd be like, you'd go out for dinner and they'd be like, well you get it because you earn twice as much. No, but that's not how it works. Not necessarily. For some people. For borrowing money. Yeah, they'd be like, yeah. Oh yeah, you're good for this thing.

Because I know you're good for it. Yeah. You earn like twice what I earn. Okay, so 0800 dial ZM. Let's take some calls. You can text as well if you want to be anonymous. 9696. We want some insight on the situation. A woman's discovered that her husband earns way more money than she thought he did. What should she do?

Have you been in a similar situation? Play ZM's Fletch Vodaneli. Play ZM. So on the back of the census Have you been in a similar situation? So on the back of the census yesterday, it's causing a few problems. Yeah, we received a message from a listener who discovered through the census that their partner, their husband, earns way more than he's told her she does. And we're like, why? But this is not rare because we're getting a lot of messages.

Well, yeah. If he's hiding how much he earns, he's sure hiding his infidelity. Go to Kmart and get a UV light and start growing through his clothes, especially the neck and penis area. That is a text. The neck and penis area?

The neck and penis area of clothes. But a necking, but a heavy necking. Do you think there'll be some residue on the neck? The way it sounds, I don't know. Ask bloody CSI Tatarangi there. I don't know. Jesus.

So Kmart do infidelity blue lights. I don't know. Don't you also have to do the spray? No, I think that was the TV thing. You spray and then the UV light, it activates the thing. You can't just UV light straight on a pair of trousers. Or the neck. Or the neck.

Or the neck area. The collar. The collar area. Do you know what? There are so many people that are doing this though. And so much of it is females earning more than males and keeping finances separate and not telling the males about it. Because they don't want to emasculate them? There's a few of those.

Yeah, one woman said, I earn more than my husband. We keep our finances separate. We put the same amount into, you know, the costs. We split everything 50-50 so there's an account that we put everything in. Everything else is separate. And I just know that if he knows how much I earn,

he would just work less. He would work less. He'd slack off. He's like, I don't know. He'd slack off. Yeah. Now, James, do you and your partner have separate accounts? No, our accounts have been joint.

We've been together since we were young. Our accounts have always been joint. But recently, we've just gone through the process of purchasing a new house. And my lovely bank manager said, oh, I see you've got this other account, James. And I was like, sure, sure, sure. Oh! You said, what's in it?

Why, why, why? Why have you got this account, James? Well, I love my wife, but she does love to spend some money on our kids' clothes and things. And so I try and keep a little bit of money aside just in case we need a little bit of money aside just in case we need a bit of

extra money. So it is for both of you in your life and future. Because if she sees it and it's burning a hole in her pocket, it's going to get spent on... Yeah.

I just saw Vaughn's eyes light up, James. Like, oh, what a great idea. Emailing his bank manager. It's whack. Except now that she knows this account's here, I've got to use a bit of it for us to go on holiday now.

No, no, I'll look after it. You give it to me. Yeah. Wow. I call this the little tractor account. Little little tractor. Outed, but he's not, it doesn't sound like he's being a naughty boy.

No. James, thank you. So many messages in. We'll get to those next. If you want to message in, 9696 0800 Dials at M. That's juicy. Do you have a secret account?

Do you have separate accounts? The pay parity? Did you discover it? Oh, I love this. Juicy. It's juicy. Play. ZM's Fletch Vaughan and Hayley.

We are getting some insane messages in. So this all started because a woman found out that her husband, husband earns way more money than she thought he did. From the census. She saw it written down in the census. So we wanted to know if you've been in a similar place or if Vaughan's getting some scandalous messages he can't believe. It's just like, I don't know.

I kind of, I like it because people are like, well, money's not the most important part of our relationship. And I'm like, I admire that. But then, yeah, they just put money into the joint account for mortgages or joint things and then everybody has separate finances. But then, like, you go out for dinner and it's like, okay, well, you get half.

That's what somebody said. I also think it's just hard to build for the future like if this is your husband or wife or whatever how you have a collective financial goal i don't know because i'm going like oh you know our goals are like travel and and renovation and stuff and if if we've got separate accounts and i'm just buying clothes, that's going against our collective goal. So you just have a joint account and you buy clothes? So I have a joint account and I have a business account where I buy the clothes and they tell me I count it.

Shh, Helen. I'll pay the tax on this. I'll pay the tax. Don't worry about it. We'll just claim it. We'll claim it. I'll pay the tax. It's a draw right. It's a draw. Somebody said my partner and I have, my husband and I have different accounts, separate accounts. Yeah. We have a joint account for, you know, household things.

Household things. Mortgage, et cetera. I earn more money than him. We don't talk about money. And in January, I got a significant pay rise and he has not, I have not told him. And a lot of people saying the same thing, that they won't tell their partner when they get a pay rise. But yeah, I like to do the like.

You do the pay rise. Do the dance. Yeah, you do the dance. You come in, you're like. Yeah. I got a gig. I got a gig. Guess how much I'm getting paid.

Yeah. If you're keeping your finances secret from your partner because you're afraid they'll use it against you, newsflash, your relationship sucks. Says somebody else. And that's not the situation for everybody. They do just keep stuff separate. My husband and his ex-wife would pay for bills, spending, and, like, you know, had their separate finances.

But then when they separated, the lawyers asked for full disclosure and she had an account that had heaps of cash in it. Wow. Heaps of cash. I earn $46,000 and have two teenagers at home. They're expensive. And my husband earns $130,000

with an independent working child in their 20s. Less expensive, but they can still pop home to be expensive. Get some groceries. I wanted us to pay the same percentage

into our joint account. So a percentage of what we earn. Oh yeah. And he said, no, it should be the same amount. And now it's the same amount. So at the end of the week, they've got less left.

Rather than saying 50% of our pay will go in, yours will be more, but that's sort of more fair. Isn't that the difference between equality and equity? Yeah. So equality would be like we're all putting in the same, we're all getting out the same. Equity is we're all putting in something that's relevant to us, right? This communist.

Are you listening to this communist? That's why. I'm listening, but all I'm hearing is the Russian national anthem. And communism. I clearly don't know the lyrics to the Russian. This is a step further. A lady I work with hid her job from her husband for two years. Her job?

They lived together and he had no idea she even had a job until he saw her driving the company car in town one day. So what? He would leave to work. She would leave after. She'd always have to get home before him. And have a whole pay. And not have, you know when you get home and your partner's like,

how was work? And you unload. Yeah. Who's she unloading to? What do you mean you unload? Hayley's a real bitch. Just blah blah blah blah blah. You are though. You are. It's International Women's Day.

I know, but God, it feels like every day's International Women's Day around here. Oh my God. I'm only kidding. You talk about work. I thought you were going to say, I'm only kidding. You talk a lot. It's eight hours of your day and he gets home. She's like, how was work?

I'm assuming he tells her everything. And then he's like, what have you been up to? And she's like, nothing. Watch TV. Do we know why she had a secret? Like, was she just wanted spending money? I think she wanted to keep the money. Because some people can be, some partners can be controlling

with money too like oh you're not getting any. But even then what about the end of the year when there's like the tax thing? And you're like oh my god I'm so glad I'm not stressed about taxes. Even if you don't, yeah even if you don't have a business and you're not fine, you still get your thing and now do they owe you money, do they not? And let's see what's happening.

Yeah. Wild. Somebody thing and now do they owe you money do they not and let's see what's happening yeah wild somebody said my partner and i had separate finances but put all the money like for all the bills and all the joint things all together and if there was any money left in that account at the end of the um month lollies take it out oh because if it was sitting in an account it was going to get spent yeah so take it out put a little savings account, and then every now and then it'd be like, surprise, we can afford to do X, Y, Z. Good idea. I don't like someone being financially in charge of me. I'm my own woman.

Okay, we found out. International Woman's Day. We found out why she kept her job secret. Her husband was a doctor and was giving her a $10,000 a month allowance. And she didn't want to lose her allowance. I love an allowance. What do you mean she didn't want to lose her allowance. I love an allowance. What do you mean she didn't want to lose her allowance? Well, I guess if he's like, well, you've got your own job now. Oh, yeah, you're right.

I don't need to be supplementing you to the tune of $120,000 a year. Oh my god. Wow. I wouldn't work. I wouldn't work. I wouldn't work at all. Shivers, guys.

10 out of 10 podcast, that one. Yeah. I think two of us were 10 out of 10 and one of us wasn't. Well, who was that? Which one? We'll just leave that. We'll just leave that there. Well, if you enjoyed today's podcast, give us a rating and review.

Please do. Unless it's a bad one. Oh, yeah. Don't bother. Yeah, no, don't. Don't bother. ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley.