ZM's Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley - Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley Podcast - 8th November 2022

Episode Date: November 7, 2022

Lunar Eclipse  Toilet Brush  Top 6: Stolen Keys  Silly Little Poll!  Hayleys Bloody Disaster  Fact of the Day Day Day Day Daaaaay!See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information....

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Starting point is 00:00:00 The ZM Podcast Network. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley. Hello, welcome to the Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley podcast. It's thanks to McCafe, great barista made coffee on the go. What do we have here? Oh, it's the podcast post office. It's time for the post sack. We've been sent a box.
Starting point is 00:00:26 Well, you've been sent a box. Well, it's got my name on it, probably because I'm the most responsible. Jesus Christ. I know. This has been sent from Jersey City in New Jersey. Is it for all of us or is it just for you? It's from Grace and it says to Vaughan Smith. Grace, that costs 69.
Starting point is 00:00:42 Nice. Nice dollars. 69 US dollars to send this box. What the fart? And the category of items, it says value $50. So, Grace, you've spent... Too much. Oh, Grace, we don't...
Starting point is 00:00:53 Well, I feel bad now. Vaughan's got a... That knife is very blunt. I definitely need a sharp. Yeah. Also, you've penetrated that knife without knowing what's in that box. You've penetrated that knife right inside it. No.
Starting point is 00:01:07 You could have cut something. It could be a cat or something in there. Oh. White chocolate M&M's. I bought them back. Why is it a dress? Why is it a dress, dear? The white chocolate sugar cookie M&M's.
Starting point is 00:01:20 So the inside is a sugar cookie. It's a white chocolate coating. Oh, God. Ding. Oh my lord. So they're like a crispy Oh get fucked. A crispy Should we try one? Should we just have a little try? Absolutely we should.
Starting point is 00:01:38 Here I've opened them. Oh okay right. Oh there's more in here. Skinny dipped almonds. White dark chocolate peppermint skinny dipped almonds. Oh my God, so it's like a crispy M&M, which is my favourite, but it's white chocolate. White chocolate on the outside. And there's a letter. Sugar cookie.
Starting point is 00:01:55 Wow. What does the letter say? Let me read the letters in a Ziploc bag. Oh, they're Christmas colours. Yeah, they're so yum. Oh, Grace, thank you so much. Here we go. Grace. What does it say on the front? To the F. Oh, Grace, thank you so much. Here we go. Grace.
Starting point is 00:02:05 What does it say on the front? To the Fletch, Fawn and Hayley team. And then there's us. And then, wee, this line. And she says, me and you, Jersey, looking good. Joda. Do you think your cat speaks like your New York cat? Hey, no, because it's New Jersey.
Starting point is 00:02:22 Yeah, boy, Jersey. Get out of here. Mates in 2019, I moved to Rowe for the US uni. The plan was to visit home and graduate and return in 21. COVID. Well, COVID, I got stuck, which is where my daily routine began, which was your podcast. Thank you for bringing me a dose of home and top-notch yarns.
Starting point is 00:02:43 I ended up falling in love here. Oh, nice. Got my Masters and now work here still with my ritual ZM Potty listening. Please enjoy the Journey to Health
Starting point is 00:02:54 Christmas Treats Your Rockstars from Grace. Wow. Grace, that's so kind of you. So kind. Thank you. That's so kind of you.
Starting point is 00:03:03 Jesus. You need an almond dark chocolate peppermint. There's one each Jesus You're too kind Grace Thank you so much Thank you Also Grace's Mail reminded me
Starting point is 00:03:17 Jamie message A lovely message saying Used to live in Dunedin And has moved over to play college soccer. Oh, whereabouts? It just says the USA. It doesn't say exactly where. But yeah, so thank you for that lovely message, Jamie, as well.
Starting point is 00:03:34 It was on the IG that came through on Monday. Lovely message saying, here's a picture of your feet. Oh, okay. Are you contemplating that? Absolutely. Time's going to be hard next year. Yeah. Well, I've said you should get an OnlyFans for feet. Oh, okay. Are you contemplating that? Absolutely. Time's going to be hard next year. Yeah. Well, I've said you should get an OnlyFans for feet.
Starting point is 00:03:48 I've got kind of manky feet at the moment. I might have to go get a pedicure. Do you remember we talked about my friend? I don't know if I mentioned his name, so I won't say. But do you remember he was asked to do looning? Yes. Ballooning. Ballooning.
Starting point is 00:04:03 Now, this is where somebody paid him money to blow up a balloon, and he sent him the video. That's right. And then the guy gave him money. I think it was pounds because he was overseas. So recently he was staying with me. This is my friend who did the looning. And he said the guy reached out for him and wanted more,
Starting point is 00:04:20 but he couldn't afford it. I would have sore cheeks. I get that kind of aching in the cheeks when I blow up balloons. It's one balloon. I'm phenomenal at blowing up a balloon. Water bombs, long skinny ones. All the money you've wasted over the years blowing up balloons, you could be making money. I blew up two of my kids' got a new pool floatie at the weekend.
Starting point is 00:04:36 One each and I blew them up. And they were like, you won't be able to do it, Dad. It's too much. And I said, well, you absolutely know how to get me to do something. I was going to say, I love that your kids have already worked out how to make Vaughan do something. And I blew it up. They couldn't believe the speed, the power of these lungs.
Starting point is 00:04:49 Yeah, good lungs. Good. What are those like? Dude. Dude. Skinny almonds. Skinny dipped almonds. Chocolate peppermint almonds.
Starting point is 00:05:04 Because those M&M's were delicious But they were a lot I couldn't do too many of those Yeah good stuff Yum Are you listeners just loving hearing us eat? Amazing Well thank you Grace
Starting point is 00:05:17 For the little mail bag Thank you so much Grace I'm glad you're in love You've got your masses You're doing it right over there in New Jersey. Play ZM's Fletch, Fawn and Hayley. Thank you, Sam. Good morning.
Starting point is 00:05:33 Welcome to the show. Fletch, Fawn and Hayley. Three minutes past six. What's up? I've got a splinter. I know. You've been trying to dig it out all morning. We don't have a needle here or anything.
Starting point is 00:05:46 And so it's just sitting in there. What about a staple? Oh, my God. I went out to Carween, and I said, have you got a needle? And she said, I've got staples. Bit blunt. Bit blunt.
Starting point is 00:05:55 I need a real prick. Can you not get in either side and, like, get under and squeeze it and then suck it at the same time? I've been really trying. What about put your finger in some warm water? Yeah. I mean, that would just feel nice. It would feel nice. Do that anyway.
Starting point is 00:06:08 And then maybe it'll draw it out, maybe. That's when we were kids, we'd always get prickles out after the bath. Yes. It's like why squeezing a pimple's a bit easier after a shower or a bath. Oh, always. Hot compress.
Starting point is 00:06:19 Hot compress. Oh, well, stay tuned. Stay tuned. For my Splinter update. Would you like an tuned. For my Splinter Update. Would you like an intro made up? Splinter Update. Yeah, can we get a little sort of musical bed going? Splinter Update. Coming up on the show, the top six.
Starting point is 00:06:36 Yeah, over the keys to over 100 cars were stolen from a car yard in Hamilton. That's a dick move, eh? Yeah, how very inconvenient. Who would have done that? A criminal. A naughty criminal. Or a prankster. Who is now a criminal
Starting point is 00:06:53 because technically they've stolen something. Yeah. I want the top six places to check for the keys. Always in the last place you look. Always in the last place you look. Funny, eh?
Starting point is 00:07:03 It is. Well, that's because you stop looking once you find them, right? Yeah. That's why it's the last place you look. Funny, that. It is. Well, that's because you stop looking once you find them, right? Yeah. That's why it's the last place you look. Around 8.30 on the show this morning, a chance thanks to American Airlines to go on the draw at the end of the week to win flights returned to America. I had a dream I went to America, actually, last night.
Starting point is 00:07:23 One, I had a dream I had pink hair and I really liked it Yeah Stay tuned Okay I'm getting my hair done tomorrow Okay Maybe I'll spice it up And two I had a dream I went to New York
Starting point is 00:07:31 And I got lost And you were there Vaughn Like was I the pigeon lady and you were Nicola Culkin that was home alone too Thank you Kevin Yeah Thank you Kevin Yeah you ditched me in New York Classic me Always I don't know where you Yeah, you ditched me in New York.
Starting point is 00:07:45 Classic me. Always skyping up in New York. Must have been going for a costume change. Quick costume change. Quick costume change. All right, next on the show. Big day in the sky. Big night in the sky.
Starting point is 00:08:02 I don't think it's going to be very good. Why? Because it's so cloudy. It's so cloudy we're going to have rain this evening. But the heavens may part. We may be treated to something for the last time before 2025. Well, a lunar eclipse will be... Well, I mean, look outside. Where we are right now anyway, very thick pea soup cloud situation.
Starting point is 00:08:30 Pea soup's generally a fog description. Yeah. Very heavy cloud. So maybe we won't get to see the total lunar eclipse of the heart. Also, it starts at like nine, right? Ooh. And then is peaking around midnight. So, yeah. You know, Auckland, probably one of the only places that is. Right And then Is peaking around midnight So Yeah
Starting point is 00:08:45 You know Auckland Probably one of the only places That is Auckland and the Upper North Island Cloudy cloudy The far north
Starting point is 00:08:52 Is cloudy They're cloudy cloudy Have they It's looking like a really nice day For most of the country today Okay well maybe tonight You get to see your little Lunar eclipse then
Starting point is 00:09:00 Down there Is it a total eclipse It is a lunar total eclipse So this is when the moon goes in behind the sun? We get in between the sun and the moon. Right. We do. We get in between the sun and the moon.
Starting point is 00:09:22 Now, the sun can never come between us and the moon. No. Otherwise, we will die. We'll all die. We will shri the sun and the moon. Now, the sun can never come between us and the moon. No. Otherwise, we will die. We'll all die. We will shrivel up. One day it will. That's the prediction, isn't it? Really?
Starting point is 00:09:31 It's like when it goes supernova. It'll just expand, but it'll be between us and the moon and Mercury and Venus and everything. It'll just be absolutely toasted. Yeah, but I won't be here. You know what I mean? Got plans, have you? Oh, we did. That's my plan.
Starting point is 00:09:46 Yeah, yeah, yeah. When was the last one? We watched it last year, wasn't it? Yeah, last year. And I remember I listened to Pink Floyd and me and Aaron lay outside and watched the eclipse. Jesus. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:10:01 Wow. Take some hallucinogenics. No, I was going to say no drugs were involved. No mushrooms, No LSD It was pretty cool They're pretty cool to see Oh they're amazing So the lunar eclipse tonight
Starting point is 00:10:10 What time again? Yeah Starts at nine But it won't peak Until much later Midnight situation Oh It's bedtime
Starting point is 00:10:18 Bedtime That's bedtime Yeah It's well after bedtime And like Unless it's super clear You're probably just best best look at the photos. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:10:28 Some clever bugger with a bloody DSLR or a time lapse. Yep. You know they'll work out their exposure length. Yeah. Perfect. What F would you put it on? Oh, definitely something point something. Five point zero F.
Starting point is 00:10:42 Yeah, sure. Yeah. 100%. What kind of monochromatic film? Yeah. Five. Zero. F. Yeah, sure. Yeah, 100%. I go, what kind of monochromatic film? Yeah, for sure. Yeah, catch it on film, go old school. Catch it on film. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:10:52 Yeah. Click. It is true, though. I think I still have photos from the last lunar eclipse, and it's like, boop, like it looks like a dot. Yeah, it looks like a cheese ball on your average person. But if you've got a telescope, hell of a time to get the telescope out. Someone will upload some great videos and photos tomorrow.
Starting point is 00:11:13 You can just go to bed. Is Brazil getting it? What do you mean, Brazil? Well, there's always a great photo of, you know, the old big Jesus on the cliff. Oh, yeah. They frame it so that the lunar eclipse is just above his head or whatever. Yeah, that'll look good. That always looks pretty good.
Starting point is 00:11:27 Maybe we could get, there'll probably be one beside the Sky Tower. Yeah, that'll look nice. Yeah, that'll look locally. That could be nice. One sort of setting behind the Harbour Bridge. Yeah, that could be nice. Behind the Owakuni Carrot. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:11:39 Oh, beautiful. Yeah, all the landmarks. Beautiful. The Taihape Gumboot. I was just about to say the Gumboot in Taihape. Going into the Gumboot, that'll look quite cool. Or you could have it above the Rakaia Trout or the one in Gore where it looks like they're jumping.
Starting point is 00:11:54 They could be jumping to eat it. You've all got your photography assignments and you'll be judged on them tomorrow morning. I want to see one next to the Cromwell D&B. What's the Cromwell? That's fruit. Oh, yes. That's fruit. Is that? Cromwell D&B. What's the Cromwell? That's fruit. Oh, yes. That's fruit.
Starting point is 00:12:07 Is it? Cromwell, yes. Are you sure? I thought this whole time it was a D&B. I believe there's a couple of balls. There's an apple. Yep. A peach.
Starting point is 00:12:15 And a peach. And you may be confusing a pear. I think I added the eggplant emoji when I took a photo there. You did. So that's not part of that. Right. Okay, great. What an exciting time. You did. So that's not part of that. Right. Okay, great. What an exciting time.
Starting point is 00:12:26 Historical times. Tonight, the lunar eclipse. If you've got the clear sky, it's happening. Yeah. Next on the show. A woman is absolutely disgusted the entire internet. It's truly feral. Yeah, I'm disgusted by this.
Starting point is 00:12:40 I'm not on board. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley. From the sophisticated ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley. From the sophisticated ZM Think Tank, this is the Top Six. Hello there. Police are investigating a break-in at a Hamilton car dealership that saw the car keys to every car on the lot
Starting point is 00:12:56 stolen. 10am Sunday. Ring, ring. Hello, Hamilton Police. Hello, Hamilton Police. It's Tina from Turner's. I love Tina. Tina from Turner's. Fletch doesn't know what we're talking about because he doesn't watch terrestrial television. Don't you?
Starting point is 00:13:07 Who's Tina from Turners? She's the person that fronts the Turners car auction ads now. She loves cars. I'm Tina from Turners and I love cars. Oh, yeah,
Starting point is 00:13:17 and I don't watch television. She's with ads. We're both on television. You don't support our work? Oh, yeah, I see the clips on Facebook The clips on Facebook? Son of a bitch
Starting point is 00:13:27 It doesn't contribute to our ratings So Tina It's alright Tina from Turner's called the police and said It seems like our board of keys has been stolen Oh no That is just awful. Because if you've ever been into a car like
Starting point is 00:13:47 second hand cars generally, they've just got this massive board with like numbers corresponding to car parks and you'd be like oh I would love to take that Toyota Altezza for a little test drive. Yeah for a little spin. And they're like Toyota Altezza 39, 39, 39 right.
Starting point is 00:14:03 Apparently all the keys are gone. Oh, my God. How much is that? Because do you know like some of those cars just to get replacement. Dude, if any of them are European cars, it will cost us more fortune. Oh, my God. But you know what? Here's my hack for it.
Starting point is 00:14:16 You can buy the key replacements off AliExpress and they come with instructions on how to do them. Do they? Wait, how to like? How to tune it to your car. Sort of tune it to your car. Yeah. Oh, wow.
Starting point is 00:14:28 Really? Yeah. It's the same as like, it's slightly more complicated than garage door openers and stuff, but yeah. Yeah, right. Like I need a new garage door opener.
Starting point is 00:14:36 It was going to cost me $150. Yeah. And I just bought one off like AliExpress. It arrived like two weeks later and it was just like, oh, I'm going to hold this button on your thing and then hold the button on weeks later and it was just like, oh, hold this button on your thing and then hold the button on the remote and it was like blip and it talked. And then I was like
Starting point is 00:14:50 how hard is this to do with some cars? And you can find them online. So how much would you want an AliExpress garage bill? $15. Oh my god. But wouldn't you need to get into the car? If the car's locked, yes. You'd need the original key wouldn't you? You would also need the patience and not need your car straight away to be able to wait.
Starting point is 00:15:08 Obviously, this is a convenience thing when it needs to be done then and there. Yeah. A man who works a turn has said replacing the keys, the locks, the immobilizers, and the computers would be difficult, but there was enough stock in the country. This is not. Who's done this? This is not. That's, who's done this? This is horrible. So, another guy from
Starting point is 00:15:28 Waikato Auto Locksmith said they were replacing the keys and locks in 135 cars. It was a huge job. It was going to take weeks. One car taking a minimum of two hours.
Starting point is 00:15:38 So, they're replacing the whole Shibuba. They're not just doing a new key. Did somebody think they could just steal this board of keys
Starting point is 00:15:44 and then come back for some cars? I don't know. Yeah, because you would. You'd just start being like... Yeah. So, yeah, they said, okay, so some of these... Okay, so it's not as simple as I... When I looked into it for my old car,
Starting point is 00:15:57 he said modern car keys had a chip in them and the engine computer would be pulled out of some of the cars because they needed to correspond within it. So you can't go on AliExpress and get a $5 remote. Basic calculations,
Starting point is 00:16:11 $270,000 to replace the keys. Who's done this? And the lost business have not been able to sell these cars in the meantime, you know what I'm saying?
Starting point is 00:16:19 Is this an insurance thing? Surely. Right? You'd think so, yeah. It's got to be, but they didn't comment to say whether or not it was. Oh, okay.
Starting point is 00:16:26 But before we rush into it and call a locksmith, I've got the top six places to check for the stolen car keys. Okay, great. Let's do a thorough check before you know it's been there. Because you've had a few
Starting point is 00:16:34 lost car keys in your time. Oh, have I what? Number six on the list of the top six places to check for the stolen car keys. Are they in the car? Oh, yeah, often in the car. This is a Sade closer.
Starting point is 00:16:45 Really? Because our family car, the Hyundai, has got one of those proximity things in it. I don't like those. I want to put the key in. And put it in your pocket.
Starting point is 00:16:56 Treat it like an ordinary key because Sade will be like, I don't know where the keys are. Same. And when you get out to get into the house, you're like, I don't know where my keys are.
Starting point is 00:17:03 And Aaron's always like, you literally just pulled up. I'm like, I don't need my keys to drive my car. Yeah, it's weird, eh? Yeah. And then you'll get into the car and you'll push the button and it'll be like, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep. Key not found.
Starting point is 00:17:15 And then you'll find it in the boot of the car. Yeah. Where she opened it to get the groceries out and put the key in and then walked away. Number five on the list of the top six places to check for all these stolen car keys before we rush into calling a locksmith. Bottom of your handbag. Yeah, they're always
Starting point is 00:17:30 there. There's always a corner. Lurking in the bottom of the handbag. No matter how big or small your handbag is, you'll always lose your keys. There's a spot for the keys to squirrel away and hide. Often in the lining. Women will feel this pain when the lining of your handbag rips. Everything goes into the lining. All sorts of things get into the lining. A handbag rips. Yeah. Everything goes into the lining.
Starting point is 00:17:45 All sorts of things get into the lining. I had a friend that lost her passport in her lining. In the lining. Great place to hide the passport. Yeah, great. I think that's why it was there. The hiding place so good she forgot she hid it. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:17:57 And number four on the list of the top six places to check for the stolen car keys are that tray on the end of the bench. Might just be under something. Yeah. Might be under the bills. Yeah. An envelope. Yeah. Oh, the bloody rates of the end of the bench. Might just be under something. Might be under the bills. An envelope, yeah. Ah, the bloody rates of Verizon. It's under the rates. Number three on the list of the top
Starting point is 00:18:10 six places to check for the stolen car keys. This one goes out to my mother-in-law who turned her house upside down looking for her keys. They were on the key holders. All along. Yeah, because her husband, when he finds the keys, had just dropped somewhere, because this is apparently a bit of a
Starting point is 00:18:26 classic. Her, she'll just walk in and just drop them. Yeah. He hangs them up on the key holder. Oh, that's smart. But of course, she's like, I never hang them up there, so why would I look there? Yeah. Number two on the list of the top six places to check for the stolen car keys before we call the locksmith, back of the couch. Yeah, it's a classic. It's an absolute
Starting point is 00:18:41 classic. And number one on the list of the top six places to check for the stolen car keys. Ask the kids if they've touched them. And if they're like, no, they have. Yeah. And just probably start with the, I'd start looking for your keys in Barbie's car. Yeah. Bit of a classic Barbie needs the keys to start a car situation, but she doesn't.
Starting point is 00:19:02 God, do kids know how bloody Barbies can't sit down? They don't know us at all. Stupid dummies. That's today's top six. Play my splinter jingle. Did we get that done over the first break? No, there was no time. Producer Jarrod? No, he hasn't
Starting point is 00:19:19 been able to. Where's my musical splinter update jingle? Have you got it? Splinter, splinter. She's got a splinter. jingle? Have you got it? Splinter, splinter. She's got a splinter. It's a bit of wood and it's stuck in her finger. That's all right. Splinter update, it's out. Yes.
Starting point is 00:19:34 Thank you. It literally just went, I was squeezing it, it just went. Fantastic. Out it came. Oh, my God. Sweet, sweet relief. Well, we'll have a jingle made just in case you get another one. Yeah, a lot of wood in my house at the moment. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:19:46 A lot of wood in a lot of homes. Yeah. Famously built with wood. Now, this is gross. There is a woman who shared on a mum blog, Mum's Net, that she cleans her toilet brush in the dishwasher. Sorry, that really just came out of nowhere. Oh, yuck.
Starting point is 00:20:03 Now, she doesn't put a load on and then add the toilet brush, right? No, no. She puts it on its own. She said, everyone's been freaked out about this. She said that she puts it in on her own on a hot wash and it comes out like new. Oh. But that means the poo's.
Starting point is 00:20:21 The poo's everywhere. The poo's bouncing around. The poo's is everywhere. I know it's like got a detergent and stuff in it, but still there's poo's The poo's everywhere The poo's bouncing around The poo's everywhere I know it's like Got a detergent and stuff in it But it's still There's poo's in there now I can't
Starting point is 00:20:30 Disassociate You'd have to You know where all the peas go That little basket Yeah the catcher Yeah which by the way I don't think I've ever emptied Yeah but you
Starting point is 00:20:41 I'm a rinser I pre-rinse We don't have a dishwasher We're washing our dishes In the bath at the moment Okay that's disgusting Yeah, but you and I are man and you pre-rinse. I pre-rinse, yeah. We don't have a dishwasher. We're washing our dishes in the bath at the moment. Okay, that's disgusting. On our hands and knees. It's awful.
Starting point is 00:20:52 We're not bathing in it. See, even I find that too much, washing my dishes in the bath. Now we can't have a bath. Let alone putting your toilet brush. In the dishwasher. In the dishwasher. Yuck. I mean, the tablets are like caustic soda, right? Like, it's some pretty harsh stuff.
Starting point is 00:21:07 Oh, yeah. But still, there's poos in there. Yeah, it's disgusting. There's poos. So, then she said, a friend popped by this morning for coffee, and I opened the dishwasher to get out a couple of mugs, forgetting that I'd put the toilet items in last night. Now, does that mean there are mugs in there?
Starting point is 00:21:21 Yeah, that sounds like she's washing them at the same time. Okay, that is not good. Yeah, she the same time. Okay, that is not good. Yeah, she totally freaked out saying, this is totally disgusting. She then grabbed a mug from the cupboard and re-washed it and poured boiling water on them before she allowed me to make her a coffee. Oh, okay, no. That's too much. That's disgusting.
Starting point is 00:21:42 Oh, no, she said the mugs and loo brush Were washed in separate loads But it's in there But it's in there Yeah yeah Yuck yuck Yeah I don't know How do you wash a toilet brush?
Starting point is 00:21:52 You hold it in the toilet And you flush the toilet Yeah You shake it violently Or like I'll put like The toilet cleaner in And then just leave it Sitting in there
Starting point is 00:22:01 Oh yeah The toilet brush And then I'll just shake it And give it a shake Yeah I'm saying I mean it's not perfect But It's. Oh, yeah. The toilet brush. And then I'll just shake it and give it a shake. Yeah, I'm sorry. I mean, it's not perfect, but. It's a toilet brush. It's a toilet brush.
Starting point is 00:22:09 It serves one purpose. It doesn't need to be, like, stupidly hygienically cleaned, does it? No, you don't use it to also scrub your back. Although it would be so good. It would be a good back scrub. Maybe we need two toilet brushes. One for the shower. And one for the...
Starting point is 00:22:26 Yeah, people will say, why have you got a toilet brush hanging in your shower? And I'll say, that's for back scratcher. You know you can get a loofer on a stick, though, right? No, those things are weak. They're weak. They're too soft. They break off the stick.
Starting point is 00:22:35 Right. Okay, how do you wash a toilet brush? Let's see what the internet says. Okay. The simplest method of cleaning is rinsing the toilet brush right after using it and then spraying the bristles with disinfectant.
Starting point is 00:22:48 That's essentially what we're doing. That could be a bit of a spray and wipe into the toilet. Yeah, okay. Yeah. See, I'll put the dish brush in the dishwasher.
Starting point is 00:22:58 Chuck a load on like, I know it's so clean. I've got friends that do that. Really? Yeah, so clean. I buy real budget ones. Real budget ones. Right. You know, like. Well, I've only got the that do that. Really? Yeah, so clean. I buy real budget ones. Real budget ones. Right.
Starting point is 00:23:06 You know, like. Well, I've only got the cheap supermarket one. Your replaceable $1.50 ones. Yeah. And they get a bit mank until they all like splay out and there's none in the middle. Okay, yeah, you need a new one. Yeah, like a toothbrush. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:23:19 Yeah. They get all frayed. That's the good stuff. Right there. All right, 621. Next on the show, the top six. Reba Wilson's had a baby. What?
Starting point is 00:23:29 Are you sure? I just got breaking news. Yeah, Vera's surrogate. She just announced her and her partner have had a baby. God, she's been making the news this week. She's a busy girl. But she's not getting married. A daughter named Royce Lillian.
Starting point is 00:23:42 Oh, right. Okay. There you go. Where did you get your breaking news from Facebook It's from her Instagram Oh okay it cites her Instagram As the source
Starting point is 00:23:53 Wow congratulations Rebel See Beyond proud to welcome the baby Oh yeah I've seen babies that's what they look like That's an undeniable baby I've had two previously. I've seen babies. That's what they look like. That's an undeniable baby. You would not. I'm not going to argue with you. That's an undeniably baby.
Starting point is 00:24:06 I've had two previously, and I've seen more. Wow. I've seen multiple babies. Okay, well, I was very quick in that movie American Sniper with Bradley Cooper to say, that's not a real baby. That's a doll. Why did they spend so much money on the sniping effects and not use a real baby?
Starting point is 00:24:21 Remember when I said that? Yeah, you did say that. I'm a bit of a baby spotter. He is. I'm a bit of a baby if I'm He is. I'm a bit of a baby if I'm walking down the street and I see a lady pushing a four-wheeled device,
Starting point is 00:24:28 I'm often like, I think there's a baby in there. Yeah. How do you know? I know, and then sometimes you look at the lady and she's old
Starting point is 00:24:33 and a little bit crazy looking and she's delivering circulars. Yes. Having delivered a lot of junk mail as a teenager, that would be a great device. Oh, yeah.
Starting point is 00:24:41 A flat pram would be perfect, wouldn't it? Perfect. But also perfect for transporting a baby. Yeah. And I know a baby. You do.
Starting point is 00:24:55 I, yesterday, I finally got back to the blood donor centre. I was a little bit delayed because I got COVID and then I was just being busy. Because what's the deal if you get COVID and giving blood? You can't. You've got to, it's like a six-week standard. It's not that long. You just got to wait. Oh, right, okay.
Starting point is 00:25:13 But I've got the O positive and that's what they want at the moment. That's the universal blood, right? Yeah, put it in everyone. Get it from me and put it in everyone. I'm pretty sure that's O positive or is that O negative? Anyway, O positive. They're making a call for O positive. So if you are O positive blood and you can give blood,
Starting point is 00:25:32 you know, you're not a homosexual, God forbid. Yeah, where's that? Or a heathen with a tattoo. You're not allowed to go if you've just had tats. Or an old British farmer. Yes. Was a mad cow. So this is, it was a disaster from the get tats. Or an old British farmer. Yes. Was a mad cow. So this is, it was a disaster from the get-go.
Starting point is 00:25:48 One, I was running so late. I was at the bank, right, and the line was long. I know. Do you know banks are still open? Who goes into a bank? I know. Why do you go into a bank? Long story.
Starting point is 00:25:59 But anyway, I ended up abandoning that. I'm always tempted by a long story. No, no, no. As a way out of a story. I'm always just like, no, that's up abandoning that. I'm always tempted by a long story as a way out of the story. I'm always just like, no, that's got me more invested in the story. Not as good as my short story. Anyway, so I left and I had to ring the blood place and say, look, I'm running late because of this bank queue. Turned up 15 minutes late. I'm stressed.
Starting point is 00:26:20 I hate being late. Then so I quickly get the form. We have to go, is there any risk that you have diff diff diff diff diff and you go no no no no no no no but I accidentally ticked the box of were you in England between 19 what was it 80 something
Starting point is 00:26:35 whatever I accidentally ticked that box yes as opposed to ticking have you travelled outside of Australia and New Zealand right because I don't know if you guys remember but I went to Bali oh my god it was Bali before or after drama school have you travelled outside of Australia and New Zealand? Right. Because I don't know if you guys remember, but I went to Bali. Oh my God. It was Bali before or after drama school?
Starting point is 00:26:51 Significantly after. So now these poor people at the blood centre have to hear all about Bali. Yeah, so then they said, oh, were you in England and da-da-da-da? Probably looking at me being like, but your birth date's after this. Previous life. Do they take into account previous lives? No, but your birth date's after this. Previous life.
Starting point is 00:27:06 Do they take into account previous lives? No, they don't. My reincarnations. Yeah. Because I was around during the Black Plague. You don't want that in your ghost blood. That stays in your spine, I think, and lingers there. Anyway, so then I said, oh, no, no, sorry.
Starting point is 00:27:18 I meant to click this one. And then, of course, yeah, I gave them a 10-minute rundown of how good barley is. Yeah. And how we simply must go. But that's foot and mouthy at the moment, isn't it, barley? Yeah, it is. Which is why they're... They are concerned about Indonesia.
Starting point is 00:27:30 Anyway, so then I finally sat down. It was all good. I had a fruit burst. And then I sat down in the chair. Yum. I went nana. That's right, Nana. Shut up.
Starting point is 00:27:42 Are you kidding me? Shut up. It's my favourite. Wait, you can pick Any fruit burst And you went banana Banana's the best Number one
Starting point is 00:27:48 Trash It's number one Wait so the fruit burst There wasn't a shortage Of any flavour There was a green one there Was there a berry burst? Yeah
Starting point is 00:27:57 I know I'd go green I'd go green Quite the cheap sense If we're promoting Berry over banana Such a classic Trash comment from Flare.
Starting point is 00:28:05 Either of the B's are trash. L, lime and lemon. No, I would go with lime first. You go strawberry. It goes banana, then strawberry, then lime. Bananas are the last. You get in the trash. Anyway, so I sat down, had my banana fruit burst,
Starting point is 00:28:18 and then the woman called me in immediately. I also did look at the sheet where it said what your weight was, and I saw that, and that was 10 kgs ago. And she was like, weight the same? I said, yep. I'm not going to take too much. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It'll take too much blood.
Starting point is 00:28:34 Go for it. And then, you know, if you haven't donated blood before, they give you a finger prick, and they push it all out, your blood and stuff, and they test you for low iron. And I've never had low iron in my life. Neither. And then she goes, puts in the machine and goes, have you got your period?
Starting point is 00:28:51 I went, no, I don't. She goes, oh, okay. We'll have another go, shall we? Pricked another finger. It's quite sore. Prick. Put it back in. She was like, you've got low iron. And I said, that's not like me. She said, no, I can see that you've never had a problem with this before so she said that this was the second thing and then I said do it again do it again do it again I want to do it again so she pricked my third finger
Starting point is 00:29:14 put it in and then put it in the machine it was even lower than before what do you got low finger finger problems I've got low iron and this is what what she said. She was like, oh dear. And then she said, what we can do is we can draw some blood, like do a proper from the arm, draw some blood, take a good amount and then we'll test it. And I was like, oh yeah, you can do that if you want. And then she said, if you've got low iron,
Starting point is 00:29:38 you won't be able to donate blood. And I said, oh, that's fine. So I said, take it, you know, because it's probably just my manky fingers low in iron. The good stuff's in the arm. I don't know if that's fine. So I said, take it, you know, because it's probably just my manky fingers low in iron. The good stuff's in the arm. I don't know if that's how blood works. The good stuff's... That's not how it works.
Starting point is 00:29:51 No, no, no. I don't think that's how it works. No, it's weakened the fingers, but it's better in the arm. Believe me. Anyway, so she took blood and that was all fine. And I will admit when she took that tiny amount of blood, though, I did feel a bit faint. I thought, uh-oh, because I was about to give 500 grams, 500 mils,
Starting point is 00:30:10 and tested it low again. And she was like, well, you can't donate blood today. I said, I'm so gutted. You guys have been hounding me. I've got the good stuff. Oh, posse. And I said, do the finger one more time. I really feel like this.
Starting point is 00:30:26 You hate being told no. I hate being told no. And also I was like, I'm here. You know, I've been meaning to get here for a while. I've donated blood a number of times, never had a problem. And she was like, I've taken it from your arm. I've got a huge amount here. And I said, do the finger again.
Starting point is 00:30:41 So she pricked another finger. This is my fourth prick on my fingers, right? So I've got a hole in my arm and four pricks in my fingers. And then she pricked it and no blood came out. Because you're dry. And then she went like this
Starting point is 00:30:54 and she was squeezing, you know how they squeeze it to get it out? Yeah. No shit. It went, like this, hit her straight in the face
Starting point is 00:31:04 and right up the walls. It squirted from my finger, this tiny hole in the face and right up the walls. It squirted from my finger, this tiny hole in the finger. It hit the roof. What? A squirt of blood. It was like, I don't know what she hit, but it went just this tiny, this thin little stream just went. And there was like tiny little specks on the table, on her face,
Starting point is 00:31:22 the walls and the roof. From this tiny little hole in my finger. I couldn't believe it. I screamed. I was like, oh, my God. And she was like, oh, it happens, it happens, it happens. Was she wearing like a face shield? She had a mask on, thank God, but not her eyes.
Starting point is 00:31:39 Isn't that, it was, I didn't know, I didn't even know that could happen from a tiny little. You've gotension or something. Your blood pressure's... Look at my finger, I know. Low iron, high blood pressure. You're in time bombs, bro. I know.
Starting point is 00:31:51 That's gross. It was like this tiny little sprinkler of blood from my finger. Anyway, so I'm on a six-month ban. You're on a six-month ban for squirting her in the face. For squirting in her face. I mean, fair enough, you know, she wasn't prepared. But a ban because, what, you need to get your iron levels back up? I know.
Starting point is 00:32:10 Or you actually... Because of creating such a disaster? Yeah. No, no, no, because my iron levels are low. How bad is this? I've just logged onto my New Zealand Blood app. And it says I've donated four times. And I was like, well, that probably seems about right
Starting point is 00:32:24 since I have the app, I've donated four times. And I was like, well, that probably seems about right since I have the app. I've donated four times. Four times in my entire life. 1999, Morrinsville College. How's this? They've got all the information on here. On the 7th of August 2002, they took some blood from the Waikato Uni donation point.
Starting point is 00:32:39 I should not, in 2002, I should not have been giving blood to anybody. I think you're about to say you shouldn't have been at Waikato Uni. I also... It shouldn't have been on the grounds of Waikato Uni. That's fair. St. John's Church in Ponsonby, 2008.
Starting point is 00:32:53 And then 2016, right here at NZME. You could have done it. No, that's when I passed out. And they were just like, oh, they had me in a reclining chair. And then they ran some tests and they were like, oh yeah, low iron as well. And the doctor was just like, give it a break just for a bit. But maybe I need to get back out there and give some more. Well, don't worry.
Starting point is 00:33:12 In all seriousness, they really need blood. They're so low. They're really low. So they're calling, especially O positive like me. Go and donate blood. And if you think that you might have low iron, they test it anyway. And you can squirt on their face and squirt on the walls. So there's been some research
Starting point is 00:33:34 that looked into how couples deal with stress. Yell, just yell. Screaming. Yelling, screaming, fighting, blaming. Particularly they looked at whether or not same-sex couples deal with stress any differently to heterosexual couples. And apparently same-sex couples,
Starting point is 00:33:56 regardless of whether it's two men, two women, deal with stress a lot better, like vastly better than people in hetero relationships. Really? So they said that they looked at dyadic coping, which is the processes through which couples manage stress together through joint problem solving, communicating empathy, expressing solidarity and redistributing responsibilities in response to a problem.
Starting point is 00:34:24 Oh, okay. Apparently, they're better at all of that than a male-female couple. Is it because they're wired the same? No, they think it's because same-sex couples often face unique stresses related to discrimination and stigma. So just by coming together, they are more united and bonded by basically it just being a bit harder for them. Right, okay.
Starting point is 00:34:53 So they say that coping as a couple may be sort of quite fundamental in their relationship to start with, that they're better at coping with things anyway because they've had to sort of face, hopefully not too much, but some stigma as to even just being together in the first place.
Starting point is 00:35:10 Isn't that amazing? And they often, because they don't sometimes, and this is obviously a blanket statement, and I hope, I wish this wasn't the case, but they in general won't receive as much support from extended family, friends, or institutions, not as much as different sex couples do, so that they become more bonded with each other
Starting point is 00:35:31 than relying on external sources. Look at that. So the key to your ongoing happiness is continued prejudice. Continued prejudice. They also said in general, same-sex marriages are happier than heterosexual marriages. For the same reason. Yeah, I guess so.
Starting point is 00:35:53 Yeah, right. Okay. I mean. And like ratio-wise, probably more open. That's what I was thinking, yeah. Yeah, definitely. And as you say, a little bit more sort of empathic. You're sort of wired similarly.
Starting point is 00:36:08 Yeah, and that's what I thought you were going to say is because they're wired the same. Like, you know, woman relating to how a woman handles stress is probably easier than a man trying to relate to a woman's stressful ways. And then man on man the same. Man on man. Man on man. Is that what you call a male homosexual relationship? Man on man.
Starting point is 00:36:32 But a man on man. But a mono-y mono. Yeah, mono-y mono. Although that's one on one, isn't it? And that's not always the case. No, no. Sometimes it's mono on mono on mono on mono on mono on mono. To the power of infinity. Yeah. Sometimes his sunset says mono, mono, mono, mono, mono, mono, mono. To the power of infinity.
Starting point is 00:36:47 Yeah. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley. Oh. Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley. Silly little pole. Silly little pole. It is so silly, silly, silly that the silly little pole. Silly little pole. Silly little pole.
Starting point is 00:37:04 Silly little pole. Silly little pole, silly little pole, silly little pole, silly little pole. I just bought something and clicked on Apple Pay as the way of paying for it on the thing. And now it's like you can keep updated with how the order's going in your wallet. It'll tell me when it's been delivered and stuff. God, Dad's just loving this technology. It's so cute that you're getting into online shopping. It's really tipping me. No, no, no.
Starting point is 00:37:27 It's just one. It's very few things online shop, but it is summer and all my hats need replacing. Yeah, good. I need some more hats. Silly little poll today. Not hats, but wallets. Where do you keep your wallet, ladies and gentlemen? Probably more gentlemen, ladies.
Starting point is 00:37:45 In the handbag. Most of the time, got a purse, but not all the times. Yeah. Purse. But when we're... Handbag. A purse? When wearing a clutch, a bag, whatever you call it.
Starting point is 00:37:55 When wearing pants, do you put your wallet in your front pocket or your back pocket? 75% said back pocket. 25% said front pocket. It's back pocket. Ross Boss yesterday was like, oh, you probably put your wallet in your back pocket and then waited for everyone to be like, yeah, sick burn, and then was met with silence.
Starting point is 00:38:11 And he was like, what, I'm in a room of back pocketers? We're like, oh, yuck, you're a front pocketer? Big bulgy front pocket? No, it's got to be the back. Although I do remember in the past there, what kind of doctor would be in charge of like sitting on a big fat wallet and you know your body goes all out of kilter?
Starting point is 00:38:29 The bum doctor. The bum doctor. Oh, the spine. Maybe a spine doctor. A spinologist. Oh, because you're a bit like lifted on one side. Some people have giant fat wallets. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:38:39 Like they have a card for everything that they never use. Oh, right. I thought you meant to say absolutely stacked with cash. No, but you end up sitting on like basically a two-inch bump. Yeah. And you end up like, if you're sitting on seats, you go to the movies or whatever. Twisting your spine. Oh, I always take everything out of your pockets at the movies.
Starting point is 00:38:56 Yes. And pop it on that little thing in the middle. No, but then you'll leave it there. Nah, because you get up and you're like, whoa, I've got nothing on me. I've got to have keys or nothing. Yeah. So 75% of people said back pocket. 25% said front pocket.
Starting point is 00:39:08 Chelsea says neither because women's pants never have pockets. I mean, they do more and more. Jeans. Yeah. Everybody's jeans have pockets. Yes. Brandon says front always. I don't want to block that booty view.
Starting point is 00:39:22 So Brandon's back in the dumper there To be really like doing the heavy lifting for him So he doesn't want anybody to think he's got a lopsided buttocks Yeah okay Let the ladies Let the gents Let everybody have a little look back there Says Brandon Of course
Starting point is 00:39:34 Owen says There used to be a show on TV All about how pickpocketers can get you things without knowing Scarred for life front pocketer Yeah but where are we? We're not in a pickpocketing country. We're not in Barcelona. No.
Starting point is 00:39:47 No, not in Barcelona. I've been pickpocketed in New Zealand, though. Have you? Yeah, I remember feeling something like brush past me. And you were like, thanks. Yeah, I was like, take me out for a drink first. But then I went into my bag and they'd somehow just gone like, and taken my wallet.
Starting point is 00:40:04 Oh, wow. Yeah. Okay. Oh, wow. Yeah. Okay. What city? Wellington. On Courtney Place. Crafty old bastards. That's crafty.
Starting point is 00:40:12 On Courtney Place. Yeah. I'd have been a public servant. Would have been a government official. Maybe. Light fingers. They're bloody taking enough out of my pocket every week, aren't they? You know what I mean?
Starting point is 00:40:23 It's bloody government. Amy says, front pocket because I wear men's pants most of the time and the pockets are so big. Yeah, we have big pockets. Make a switch. It's so we can get our fingers down and readjust our balls. Yes, exactly. They get caught up.
Starting point is 00:40:38 I 100% believe that's the reason men have deeper pockets than females. So you can just go flick and get the undies out of the crease there between the ball and the leg. Well, it's just ball maintenance. You've got to look after them. Connor says, if it's in the back, I have to take it out every time I sit down and ain't nobody got time for that. I know I'm bad with that too because even if I go to a cafe, I'll take it out. Yeah, pop it on the table. Yeah, which is a bad habit to get into because then you go travelling to countries and you leave your wallet and your phone on the table. Yeah. And you're asking for it. Yeah, pop it on the table. Yeah, which is a bad habit to get into because then you go travelling to countries
Starting point is 00:41:05 and you leave your wallet and your phone on the table and you're asking for it. It also ruins your jeans. Like, you know, with men in their back pocket or something, there'll always be a square. Yeah. Well, again, they've got a fat wallet. You've got to slim your wallet down.
Starting point is 00:41:20 The ladies know there's a big fat wallet back there. Yeah, true. It's fucked. Sarah says neither. It's a handbag, but phone is back pocket. Phone in the back pocket a big fat wallet back there. Yeah, true. It's fucked. Sarah says neither. It's a handbag, but phone is back pocket. Phone in the back pocket? Oh, no, no, no, never. Sarah, that's madness.
Starting point is 00:41:30 You could sit on it and crack it. Yeah, I go phone in back pocket all the time. That's how girls were losing phones in the toilet so often, eh? They'd have it in their back pocket and they'd pull their pants down and it would do a back flip into the toilet. Dustin says back pocket because no matter where I go, I'll always do the pat down on the three places the phone goes. Front right,
Starting point is 00:41:47 keys on the left, wallet in the right rear pocket. Me too. Yeah, that pat. Me too. So when I stand up before leaving anywhere, I do the three place pat. I make sure I'm packed and ready to go. So there you go. Sense. It's a man talking some bloody straight common sense.
Starting point is 00:42:05 Well, I found an article. Scientists are explaining why we wake up before our alarm. This happens all the time today. The devil is getting in our soul. Oh, that's it. You don't need to read this anymore. I knew it. I knew it.
Starting point is 00:42:19 I knew it. That devil is Satan. That devil is goddamn Satan. After our souls at every turn. This happens pretty much every day, I reckon. If I'm in a good sleep pattern. Yeah. You'll go to bed.
Starting point is 00:42:32 I'll go to bed like 8.15, 8.30. Oh, Jesus. Or 8.45. Must be nice. Must be nice. And then 4 o'clock I'll wake up. Oh, must be nice. Wow.
Starting point is 00:42:44 Even though my alarm's 4.40. Like this morning I was up at 4 o'clock I'll wake up. Oh, must be nice. Wow. Even though my alarm's 4.40. Like this morning I was up at 4 o'clock because I looked at my watch. I was like, not today. 4.40. And then went back to sleep. But even at the weekends I'll wake up. I'll know it's around 4-ish. Yeah, and then you're like, it's the weekend and you go back to sleep.
Starting point is 00:42:58 And you go back to sleep. Do you do this when you like, because I obviously with my constant urination, I get up to pee three times. At least three times. So last night was three times and every time you get up. I had to take a poo in the middle of the night the other night. Did you? How weird is that when you had to take a poo?
Starting point is 00:43:16 The amount of times I've had to take a poo in the middle of the night. It's so bizarre, right? You sort of sit down and you're like, what the heck is this? You get up and you're like, what the hell are you doing here? Why did you get out of kilter? Did you have a big barbecue or something? I think it's because during the week we've been eating quite well. Yeah, right.
Starting point is 00:43:31 And then the weekend's just a free-for-all. Yeah, right. And I think it was, yeah, it was like a Saturday going into Sunday and I had a Friday night and Saturday night of like a big hot meaty meal. Yeah, yum. And my body was just like, I might need to get some of this out, I think. Horrible. Horrible.
Starting point is 00:43:48 Takes you so long to get back to sleep. Yeah, it does. Well, so scientists have explained that, yeah, your body works really well with a routine and sleep. And there's a protein called PER that regulates your sleep-wake cycle. Right. And so the level of proteins,
Starting point is 00:44:05 they rise and fall throughout the day and they peak in the evening. They're low at night. And then basically they will go off just before you wake up. What are they doing at around 4.30am when we're getting up? Because I think they still want to be sleeping.
Starting point is 00:44:21 Well, no, that's why they kick in. Well, can we all be on the same team? And like if they're up, can they start sorting everybody else out before I have to wake up? So they release. They get their body going. They get their brain warmed up. So apparently they increase and usually happen around an hour
Starting point is 00:44:39 before your alarm is due to go off because we release stress hormones. This is why, because I always, like I would say every night I get up around three o'clock in the morning and I'll go, because this is what I do. I get up and I pay and I come back and I look at my phone, which is sitting on the ground, I go, and I'll tap it. I'm like, oh, it's midnight. That's fantastic.
Starting point is 00:44:58 Four more hours. And then I go, I'll go back to sleep and I'll get up and I'll pee again. I'll be like, oh no, and I'll tap it. It's like two o'clock. I'm like, yes, two be like, oh, no, and I'll tap it and it's like 2 o'clock. I'm like, yes, two more hours. But it's the worst when you tap it and it's like 3.30. You know, there's almost no point.
Starting point is 00:45:13 40 minutes is the worst. I'm always getting up around 3.30. Yeah, 40 minutes sucks. 40 minutes. I don't know what it is. About half an hour you're like, well, I think I probably could stay awake. 40 minutes you're like, I reckon I could get back to sleep, get a little summit,
Starting point is 00:45:26 wake up again. No, but then it's feverish. Never, never, never. It's fever. I let five alarms go off this morning. I don't know how people... No, I usually don't
Starting point is 00:45:36 during the week because it's too dangerous at the hour as we get up. But this morning, I just, yeah. Yeah, there's a scientific reason. Your body's... There always is, isn't there?...getting you ready to wake up. That's why. Science, I just, yeah. Yeah, there's a scientific reason. Your body's getting you ready to wake up. That's why.
Starting point is 00:45:48 Science, law of the answers. Just wait, body. Wait for me to get up. Quarter past seven. I'm going to give you some hot tips on how to save $500 by Christmas, which is only 47 days away. 46 days away. Not long. Yeah. Not long.
Starting point is 00:46:05 Yeah, Christmas shopping. Have you even thought about that yet? Nope. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley. Play ZM. Fact of the day, day us from the, of course, well-known and extremely high-selling book, The Handbook of Medieval Sexuality.
Starting point is 00:46:40 Oh, my God. Do you still have my copy? I think I do. I'll come pick that up I think that's been in the Wickels top 100 for like That's Barb's pics Handbook of medieval sexuality Now this is
Starting point is 00:46:55 There's a whole lot in here Can you imagine what it was like A thousand years ago When people were just having a bit of a guess as to how it all worked Yeah what's that? Because there was nothing more goes in. It goes in there, does it? Fascinating.
Starting point is 00:47:09 Well, it was believed for a long time that it wasn't the womb that held the baby but the stomach of the woman. Oh, okay. Now, it was also believed that it wasn't necessarily anything special about the area other than somewhere warm for the seed, the male seed, to rest and become a baby. Right. And they believed that little wee babies were in there.
Starting point is 00:47:33 Oh, so we didn't have the eggs. No, it was nothing special on your behalf. You were simply a vessel. A host. A host, if you will. They knew that what happens on the man end of things always, you know, that had to have happened. Yes.
Starting point is 00:47:48 So they figured that must be where the little babies are. And you are just providing a nest or a vessel. Receiving it. So they said they couldn't work out why then, because it was not talked about, and of course it never happened, but it was not really dealt with in this chapter that I read about why a man then couldn't have a baby with another man if it was just a nice warm place for it to chill out.
Starting point is 00:48:14 You know what I'm saying? Yeah, right. So maybe because, yeah, maybe because there was no exiting from the stomach for the woman, whereas it would be pushed out because, you know. You're really having trouble. I'm trying to get into the headspace of a medieval doctor. You're tiptoeing.
Starting point is 00:48:36 However, let me read you this biological fact from this book. Okay. If a cat was to happen on some sage, if a cat was to, a male cat was to expel upon some sage, and then a man was to eat some of this sage, then cats would be generated in his stomach and would have to be expelled by vomiting.
Starting point is 00:49:04 This is a cross-species, same-sex generation of offspring. They believed... So not only is he going to birth a human cat, but he's gay with a cat. Unbeknownst to him. And he's going to vomit up the cat human hybrid. They just said it hadn't happened
Starting point is 00:49:20 because it hadn't happened. But if it was to happen, it would. So they put this to animals as well. They're like, well, the reason is a cat because it hadn't happened. Right. But if it was to happen, it would. Of course. So they put this to animals as well. They're like, well, the reason is like a cat only ever does that with a cat. But if it was to do it with a donkey, you would have a cat-donkey hybrid. Vaughn, why is this the fact of the day? This is bizarre.
Starting point is 00:49:39 Today's fact of the day is in medieval times, it was believed that a man could have kittens by vomiting them up. Isn't that fascinating? They literally believed this is actually... You think about how hard it would have been to get something printed
Starting point is 00:49:56 back in the day. It's not like now. You just don't like tap, tap, tap. I'm a lunatic. I'm on the internet. Tap, tap, tap. Here's something I think the earth's flat.
Starting point is 00:50:03 Tap, tap, tap. Publish. Goes everywhere around the world. This was in a printed book. Someone had to like carve it into a tablet and then like roll it through one of those like first ever printing presses. Or copy it down by hand and then it had to be copied by hand by the monks a thousand times over.
Starting point is 00:50:21 Do you remember eating an apple seed when you were a kid and then crying because you thought a tree was going to grow inside of you? Well, imagine eating sage if a cat had been on a pond. One would be vomiting kittens. So today's fact of the day is a man could have had kittens in the Middle Ages. That's not the fact.
Starting point is 00:50:38 But he would have had to have vomited them up. Fact of the day, day, day, day, day, day. Speaking of spending money, nothing bloody amplifies the financial crunch that we're going through at the moment than a festive season. Everything about Christmas is expensive. The food, you can't just eat a normal meal.
Starting point is 00:51:14 You can't just whip up a chicken thigh salad on a Christmas day. It's always got to be some elaborate thing and gift giving, travel often to go and see family. It's all very expensive. You've got to get a posh outfit for church. Of course, you've got to look your absolute best. That's always my most expensive part of Christmas. I know.
Starting point is 00:51:36 Your Jesus birthday outfit. Yes. Yeah. What are you going for this year? Because last year you wore a little red suit, didn't you? I did. This year, arseless chaps. Yes, I thought so.
Starting point is 00:51:47 Praise be. Really shocked the New Plymouth congregation. The congregation there. Wow. Goodness me. God, he's from the big city, I think. Bloody Jaffers coming down here in their arseless chaps. Constantly down here in their arseless chaps.
Starting point is 00:52:03 Well, there is a financial expert who has been sharing ways of saving money leading up to Christmas. There's your obvious things, cutting back your daily delights like your coiffees. You know, maybe you need to take a leaf out of producer
Starting point is 00:52:20 Jared's book and get a Milky Bar sachet. A Milky Bar Chino? Milky Bar Chino. Yeah. But she said you could, so 500 bucks, if you wanted to budget $500 for your gift spending, right? Yeah.
Starting point is 00:52:33 You're doing, you know, a small one for the kids and a something here and a something here. $10 a day will do it. From now until Christmas? Yeah, essentially. So you've got to cut back $10 a day of what you would normally spend. Yeah. It'll get? Yeah, essentially. So you've got to cut back $10 a day of what you would normally spend. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:52:47 It'll get you there, basically. So that might be a coffee, for example. A coffee. So what do we say? Because it's 46 days, so that's $460. So close to $500. If you put aside $10 a day, transferred it from your account to some kind of savings,
Starting point is 00:53:01 you'd be at $500 by Christmas. So when you go like, shoot, I need to save some money for presents, you go, oh my God, it's going to cost hundreds. But if you think about $10 a day, it's perhaps a little bit more palatable in smaller chunks. They also say suggesting things like Secret Santas. Is she about to do a size up to the Crisco Christmas hat? Sounds like she is.
Starting point is 00:53:22 Well, if you want to have a magical Christmas with Criscos. Start now. Yeah. But it's December 29th. I said start now. I feel like I'm just recovering from the last Christmas. Start now.
Starting point is 00:53:36 I feel like that's, yeah, that's a big one. If, you know, and times are, you know, money's so tight at the moment. Times are tough. I think you've got to
Starting point is 00:53:42 set those expectations with everyone you're buying for. I think so too. Do a secret Santa. You don't need to go spend heaps of money. You really, really don't. Like this year we've seed experience. Minimum $8,000.
Starting point is 00:53:55 Minimum eight grand. Yeah. Just things like jib. Oh, okay. Yeah, right. You've got a gift registry at Mitre 10. Just jib. Just jib and screws.
Starting point is 00:54:04 Just one sheet. How much is one sheet of jib? Oh, I don't know. No one ever tends to buy just one sheet of jib. I'm going to buy you one sheet of jib for Christmas. Thank you. How are you going to deliver it to me? How much is that?
Starting point is 00:54:16 He'll have to go get one of those City Hop vans that he does when he's going to the hardware store. Yeah, so they do have vans, actually. I know. All the way out west, you're going to drive it to me. Yeah, well, he'll do a round trip. He'll stop in at Mitre 10 Westgate. I'll do a round trip, but I'll get charged per kilometre. So this is, you know.
Starting point is 00:54:32 What kind of jib are you going to get me? Well, I'll just get a normal. What kind do you want? Oh, what are we rocking? I'll just get a normal wool one. I'm not getting you a fancy waterline. I'm not getting aqualined. There's aqualine.
Starting point is 00:54:44 She wants a soundproof one as well. Soundproof is good. They're hard to get. Because the bathroom's backing on to the lounge. You don't want to hear plops. You don't want plopty-ploops while you're having a movie night. They won't tell me how much one sheet of jib is.
Starting point is 00:54:59 As I said, nobody buys one sheet of jib. Yeah, they buy heaps. Well, you're only getting one. So jib for you. If I wake up on Christmas and there's not a little tractor, I will absolutely hit the roof. Yeah. Hey, she's also got some seven red flag habits costing you too much
Starting point is 00:55:16 money as we head into the season. Oh, go, go. One. Buy now, pay later trap. Yeah, because they always end up paying more. Too good to be true. Mindless spending. $33.82 for a sheet. Yeah, I thought it was around $30. Such a cheap present. You probably get it for less if you buy more.
Starting point is 00:55:31 Or no, I'm only getting you one. But I've got a whole house to jib. Get her two. Give me two. I'm getting you one. I'm getting you one. Not investing or investing irresponsibly. I keep getting the notifications at my Sharesies wallet.
Starting point is 00:55:45 I've got money in my Sharesies wallet. I don't have any. Paying full price for items that are regularly discounted. Black Friday sales are on at the moment. That's a really good time. But don't buy it if you don't need it. Don't buy it unless it was already on your list.
Starting point is 00:55:59 If you need to get someone a gift, buy it now ahead of time when there's huge sales are on. But do your research because we've talked about this over the years. They will hike their prices leading up to Black Friday. And then make it look like they've reduced the item when in fact they actually haven't that much. Gotcha, gotcha.
Starting point is 00:56:19 Well, that's smart of them, I'll say. Buying daily coffees is number five. Leaving Christmas shopping until the last minute, number six. And finally, not bothering to ring around insurance, phone and utility providers for better deals. Oh, yeah, always be looking for a better deal. Always be looking for a better deal. Well, you could save a bit on your power.
Starting point is 00:56:37 Yeah, there you go. Yeah, your internet. I reckon Secret Santa, $20 budget for everyone you know. Easy. You could do fun things or craft something. Unless you get the dud one when they do the Secret Santa draw. Yeah. Don't want that.
Starting point is 00:56:51 Who got me? I don't know. Can we talk about the Secret Santa here for work? We're using a new technology. Draw a name. It's like this randomised computer thing and then it's like make a wish list and I had to put it on my email. I better not get spammed.
Starting point is 00:57:06 Oh, you're getting spammed. I changed my wish list because the bracket was $10 to $30 or something. I changed it to $100 plus and went through and selected only the finest things.
Starting point is 00:57:17 As a joke for whoever gets me as a secret sender they're going to be like I can't afford this. I can't afford this. But it's all I want. Because it's a minimum
Starting point is 00:57:24 $20 spend. Yeah, so they should be spending $1,000 on me. I don't think this. I can't afford this. But it's all I want. Because it's a minimum $20 spend. Yeah, so they should be spending $1,000 on me. I don't think they will be. I better not start getting emails for all the stuff that I ticked. Are you 100% well? Oh, for Christ's sake. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley. Do you know what I've been loving at the moment from hangovers or recently?
Starting point is 00:57:43 Natchez Blue Powerade. Coconut water. Love it. Oh, yeah. I reckon it's the key. It's healing, isn't it? Yeah. Have I? Correct.
Starting point is 00:57:54 Really? Correct. It's really high in potassium. Coconut. Coconut. Coconut. It's high in coconut. That's what it is.
Starting point is 00:58:01 And water. Those are the two main ingredients of coconut water. When you're sick. Electrolytes. Electrolytes. Electrolytes, yeah's this stuff? Those are the two manigrees. What's this stuff when you're sick? Electrolytes. Electrolytes. Electrolytes, yeah. Is it iron amino acids as well? I don't know. Yeah, sure.
Starting point is 00:58:10 Probably all the acids. Is that seriously on your list? Niacin? Yep. Yes, sir. Yes, it is. Wow. Scientists have put together a special combination of things that are good for you when you're
Starting point is 00:58:20 in a poor state, when you're feeling poorly. Dominoes. Eggs. Eggs is not on the list. Oh, it's got to be eggs for me. First of all, coffee's not good because the thing that sorts out your hangover, coffee inhibits it. Oh, right.
Starting point is 00:58:38 Yeah, because it dehydrates you, right? No, it's a different thing. I found it down here. See, I was happy just to say the thing. Now you've got to make me pronounce. It reduces the activity of aldehyde dehydrogenase, which helps break down the acidity. Acidity.
Starting point is 00:59:01 I do love a coffee when I'm hungover with breakfast. So you're saying you shouldn't do the coffee. If you're looking for a drink, you make yourself a special mix of coconut water, lime juice, and pears. Yum! Doesn't that sound good? Pear juice.
Starting point is 00:59:20 Fresh. Pear juice. Yeah. How do you do it? Pear pulp, take the middle out. Oh, yeah. Make it nice and thick. Pea juice. Yeah. How do you do it? Pea pulp. Take the middle out. Oh, yeah. Make it nice and thick. You can juice up a pear.
Starting point is 00:59:30 Like a pear coconut smoothie. Oh, my God. That sounds so yum. Doesn't it sound refreshing and delicious? Yeah, that does sound good. Stomach that one. Oh, well, I've got three benders in a row this weekend. We've got a massive weekend. We've got a massive weekend. Then prepare a small
Starting point is 00:59:45 meal of cheese, tomatoes, and cucumber. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. Like a little Greek salad. And all of those ingredients individually help hangovers.
Starting point is 01:00:01 They would lessen your hangover quicker. Because they're very quenching. Like cucumbers, just water. Tomatoes, very watery. Yep. With some acid for breaking down stuff. Acid. Cheese is fatty.
Starting point is 01:00:12 Cheese just sort of like makes you feel good. Cheese does make you feel good. Cheese does. How good's like a halloumi? Cheese will make you feel good. Rewriting the Ghostbusters theme on the go there. Cheese will make you feel good. Who you gonna call? Cabin Bird. Bada, bada, bada. Rewriting the Ghostbusters theme on the go there. Cheers and make a family. Who you gonna call?
Starting point is 01:00:27 Cabin Bird. Woo, woo. Yeah. How good's some halloumi when you're hungover? No. Yes. Squeaky. No, it's so young.
Starting point is 01:00:36 I love it. There's this halloumi with chili. Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. Who makes that? And it's got like gold. What about a havarti with chilli? Come on. Yeah, havarti's great, mate.
Starting point is 01:00:50 It's got its place, but not at a breakfast table. It's halloumi. I had halloumi at any given opportunity. I'm doing a halloumi. Okay, well, there we go. So the recipe for your hangover cure, coconut water. Coconut water, lime and pear in a drink, whizzed up.
Starting point is 01:01:05 Mixed up. Delicious. And a small meal of cheese, tomatoes and cucumber. Okay. I can feel that that would help me. Yeah. That'd be yum. Does it say how much lime?
Starting point is 01:01:16 Cherry tomatoes. No. I've got plans Thursday night, Friday night, Saturday night, Sunday night. I am going. I am going. I am going. I'm going to go to the supermarket. I'm going to get ready. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:01:31 Get a little platter. Yeah. And I'm going to fill it up with dominoes. Just the pizza shoved in your mouth. Play ZM's Fletch for the Nelly. Play ZM. Gina Penelope the Nailie. Play ZM. Gina Penelope. What a name.
Starting point is 01:01:47 That's a TikTok user. Gina Penelope. I mean, it is two first names. That's all right, though. A bit greedy. She posted a video over the weekend admitting that she once used the combined powers of LinkedIn and seduction
Starting point is 01:02:00 to find herself some legal work. So she found a guy on LinkedIn and she needed some legal advice. She couldn't afford it at the time. So she was looking on LinkedIn for a lawyer in her area that could help her. Then she found out where he worked and then
Starting point is 01:02:18 this is actually really a bit stalkerish. Found out where he worked and then kept deliberately bumping into him for a week straight at a local Starbucks that she found out he went to. She stalked him? So she sort of stalked him and would be catching eyes with him all the time. Clever girl.
Starting point is 01:02:34 I know, until he kind of noticed her. I will say she's extremely beautiful. Oh, yeah, beautiful people, yeah. Extremely beautiful. Yeah, I wasn't picturing her as anything else. Yeah. She looks like Dua Lipa.
Starting point is 01:02:49 Right. She's so beautiful. Anyway, so then he, you know, bump in, bump in, oh, my God, you're here all the time. And then he asked her out on a date, dated for about a month, at which point he began helping her out with the legal advice that she needed, just as a boyfriend. Wow, okay. I know, and she
Starting point is 01:03:09 as a result, got her legal procedure resolved with this free information she had from this guy. Which I'm assuming would have cost her thousands of dollars. Thousands of dollars. Right. And then they didn't work out after that. Oh, just, of course.
Starting point is 01:03:26 Wow. Isn't this amazing? So some people are like, this is truly inspiring and very unsettling. She honey trapped him like a spy would do. She did. Someone, another person commented saying this should be a movie plot. I agree. Like actually could be.
Starting point is 01:03:40 Yeah. Yeah. Stories like this make me realise. But it depends on what sort of legal help she wanted. If it was just she had a couple of questions regarding her employment contract, that's a pretty boring yeah. Yeah. But it depends on what sort of legal help she wanted. If it was just she had a couple of questions regarding her employment contract, that's a pretty boring movie. Yeah, but if she's like, now there's a body in my garage. I'm going to need some legal advice on what to do with this.
Starting point is 01:03:55 You're seeing someone for like a week and they're like, hey. Yeah. Well, I got you. Also funny if she seduced him and it wasn't his area of law. You know, like there's different areas. He's a property lawyer. Yeah. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:04:08 It's like when I made a great GST joke to an accountant, but they weren't that sort of accountant. Yeah, right. Are they not? I thought they did all of that. Nah, you bet they don't. Famously. Oh, okay.
Starting point is 01:04:17 In fact, he knew less about GST than I did. Oh dear, you don't want that. No, you don't. Anyway, a bunch of people jumped on as well and said, I've had a similar experience. One woman revealed I needed a lawyer, so I found one on Tinder. It's clever. And then some dude's lying about being a lawyer.
Starting point is 01:04:34 Yeah, yeah, yeah. How embarrassing. And all of a sudden he's getting messages from a hot chick, and he's like, okay, this is working. And then he's in a court of law, and they're sitting down, and he leans over to her, and he's like, I'm not actually. Yeah. I just wanted a shag.
Starting point is 01:04:46 You're crazy. Anyway, she made the most of the perks of dating this guy and I wanted to know if you have ever dated someone and there were perks to it. Right. So for me, it would be like I wish I got together with a builder. Oh, yeah. You know what I mean?
Starting point is 01:05:04 Yeah, yeah, yeah. So you're not looking for people that have hunted down dentists, lawyers. If that's the case, I would love to know. But also, just what was your perk from dating someone? My wife's perk to dating me is how many free chippies I bring home. Yes. How many we always get sent new bags of chippies. Aaron's perk of dating me is our house is full of candles.
Starting point is 01:05:32 And he's always like, another candle. I'm like, they smell so good, Aaron. More candles. You don't even need to light these ones. You just take the lid off. But like, what about producer Jared? The middy's a dental assistant. Well, yeah.
Starting point is 01:05:45 And you date a dentist. You're getting all the free fillings, aren't you? Date a gynecologist. Free pap smear. They are free anyway. They are free anyway, so. But you know, while you're down there. Should you be mixing business with pleasure if you're a gynecologist?
Starting point is 01:05:58 You absolutely shouldn't. Surely you would recommend. And also, he comes home and you're like, who have you been looking at today? Whose vaginas have you seen this morning? Seen one better than this? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Seen one better than this. I don't want you looking at my vagina today.
Starting point is 01:06:13 You probably looked at a much more beautiful one. Yeah, I don't want you coming home telling me any stories about the beautiful vaginas you've seen. You know that argument would happen. Absolutely. You're drunk and she's out of ammo and she's like, well, you spent all day looking at other vaginas. How do you think that makes me feel? Alright,
Starting point is 01:06:33 so 0800 dials at M9696. The perks of dating your partner, what are they? Or just someone that you dated even for a short while and you reaped the rewards. Dating someone that works for an airline? D while. Yeah. And you reaped the rewards. Dating someone that works for an airline. Dating someone at a bar. Staff travel.
Starting point is 01:06:48 A bar. Free drinks. Free drinks. They'd never be home though because they'd be always working at night. Perfect for me. We want to know if you ever dated someone that came with some perks. Or maybe dating someone that comes with some perks. Like they're a dentist.
Starting point is 01:07:04 A doctor. I'm imagining a doctor gives you free prescriptions, right? Are you allowed to just... I don't think they can just give you pills. Is your wife allowed to be your patient? Not anymore. No, no. Not anymore because of red tape and PC madness.
Starting point is 01:07:16 Yeah. But a woman ended up dating a guy so that she could get some free legal advice. And then once she had it, she... She bounced. Ditched him. We want to know if you've got a similar story. Some messages in.
Starting point is 01:07:31 So many. I used to date someone that worked at Mitre 10. Staff discount was amazing. Easily 30 to 50%. Oh, God. Do they do a price match if staff at Bunnings
Starting point is 01:07:42 get it cheaper? If you're dating one from each hardware store. Oh, my God. Imagine that. Play them off against each other. Would you date someone from ITM? Placemakers?
Starting point is 01:07:52 Pretty bad. Just a bit. A bit limited. Yeah. A bit straight. A bit like, oh, right, okay. Purchase something. Yeah, right.
Starting point is 01:08:01 I dated a mechanic for a little bit. Got the brake pads sorted in my car. Got a few things sorted. That was nice. Broke up a few days later for genuine reasons, but everyone at work just thought I'd had my car fixed, so I'd broken up with them. Wow.
Starting point is 01:08:15 You know what? There's a lot of people saying chefs. They date chefs, and the perks are 20 kgs plus. Oh, God, it would be so good. All right, keep your texts coming in. 9696, your dating perks. 20kgs plus Oh god It would be so good Alright Keep your texts coming in 9696 Your dating perks
Starting point is 01:08:28 0800DARLS And then we'll get to your calls Next as well Talking right now About the The dating perks That you've had Yes
Starting point is 01:08:35 A woman dated a lawyer And got some free legal advice I Want to build a boyfriend Or a A masseuse. Oh. Or like a brow specialist. But would it be like any job?
Starting point is 01:08:51 They get home after a hard day. Yeah, they want to come home and rub you up. Maybe they do. Not specifically to you. They just don't want to come home. Why? Why do you think someone wouldn't want to rub me up? I'm sure they'd love to rub you up.
Starting point is 01:09:02 But they've just had nine to five of rubbing other people up. The last thing they want to get. Carpal tunnel. Yeah. Well. All right, well, we're taking your calls. What was the dating perk, Fona? Anushka?
Starting point is 01:09:15 Well, it was my mate, actually. He went on a date with a speech and language therapist. Went on a few, actually, and then had a speech impediment, fixed it, and then ghosted. A speech and language therapist? Was on a few actually, and then had a speech impediment, fixed it, and then ghosted. A speech and language therapist? Was this a coincidence, or did he hunt out someone to, what kind of speech
Starting point is 01:09:32 impediment did he have? He just had like a bit of a stutter, and also like rolled his eyes a little bit. Right. But like, yeah, it felt like he could have fixed it himself, but I mean, go to an expert, right? Yeah, but did he know that this speech and language therapist was a speech and language therapist, go to the next bit, right? Yeah, but did he know that this speech and language therapist was a speech and language therapist
Starting point is 01:09:48 and that's why he dated her? Yeah. Oh, wow. And then he ghosted her. Yeah, well, I mean, awful to say, but like, he'd gotten at sex, right? So he was like, that was kind of... When he left, did he go,
Starting point is 01:10:03 abri, abri, abri, abri? That's all, folks. Born, span, born, born. I'm so sorry, Anushka. Anushka, thanks for your call. Hannah, what about you? What perks did you get? I have dated many farmers and had my freaks, my freaks are full of meat. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:10:27 I thought you were going to say many farmers and had my freak matched. You were like freak. I thought, um, I thought farmers, you just getting like 10% off like furniture and homewares and red dot specials. Oh, yeah. That would also be good. Your bendons. The department store. Yeah, yeah.
Starting point is 01:10:43 No, give me, give me all the roasts and venison and lamb chops. Yeah, but aren't they busy in the mornings and then come home absolutely stinking of cow poops? Yeah, yeah, a little bit, but I'm kind of into it. Yeah, it is a bit hot. Hayley didn't want any of my home kill mints. I offered her some and she said that it's too rich. Too rich.
Starting point is 01:11:03 Oh, yeah, yeah. Give me strength. I need my meat watered said that it's too rich. Too rich. Oh, yeah, yeah. Give me strength. I need my meat watered down a bit in a factory. In a supermarket. Game washed out of it. Thanks, you're cool. Hannah, Sam, what was your dating perk? Well, it was a girl that dated me.
Starting point is 01:11:18 Ran about a month out from her Warren's Fitness every year. She used to start hanging around and going on a couple of dates and then she'd get a warrant and then just disappear and about a week after that, but all of a sudden, five months later, she would turn back up at the scene.
Starting point is 01:11:34 What kind of shitbox was she driving? Like, were you having to spend any money on repairs? Because what's a warrant? 40 bucks? A couple of repairs as well. So, yeah, there was a little bit of money behind it. Sam, you're a sucker.
Starting point is 01:11:49 How many times? You keep saying she kept coming back. How many times did you let her do this? Oh, a couple of years. Yeah, you're a sucker, Sam. Yeah, but you were getting what you wanted as well. He was getting something out of it as well. Yeah, I know.
Starting point is 01:12:00 She sounds hot. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. I was charging her a nally, right. I bet you were. I absolutely Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. I was charging her nearly, right. I bet you were. I absolutely bet you were. Amazing, Sam. Thanks for your call.
Starting point is 01:12:10 Some messages in. I dated a Sparky. He completely rewired my 1920s villa. Yes. Oh, yeah. But he did it for free, but he was a dick. So technically, I still paid. Oh, okay. In my opinion, I paid because I gave him some of my time.
Starting point is 01:12:24 Plant scientist here. My perk is that I can keep your houseplants alive. God, I need that so bad. Are they free this weekend? I don't know. For a lovely wine and dine? I dated a teacher and got my kids into a private school and I broke up with him and the school fired him.
Starting point is 01:12:42 What? That's not a whole thing. That's terrible. It's like if you're a teacher at a private school, do you get a few like vouchers to get to friends? You get a cheaper education. Do you? Yeah.
Starting point is 01:12:54 They can get in there, but it's cheaper. It's like a perk. But they don't have to be your kids. Could they be? Yeah, I don't know. Your nieces and nephews or something. Yeah, maybe. Accountants are good to date in the current climate.
Starting point is 01:13:07 Are they though? They'll be like, let's go out for dinner. They'll be like, excuse me, there's only $12 in the spreadsheet. What would they say? Would they say there's something like, there's mints in the fridge. Jeez, how boring would it be with someone who would say something like that. How boring. Someone who would be like, let's go out for dinner.
Starting point is 01:13:21 And they're like, I've got chicken. I've got chicken at home. There is chicken. There was chicken in the fridge at time, guys. Accountants always have mints in the fridge. You are an accountant without the perks of knowing how to get people out of financial strife. Yeah. Dated an optometrist, got free eye test glasses and contact lenses,
Starting point is 01:13:37 and then we broke up. Aww. But you can finally see someone better and someone hotter. I'm dating a geologist. The house was full of rocks. The house is full of rocks. And terrible schist puns nonstop. Oh, wait a minute.
Starting point is 01:13:53 Did you guys say perks? Amazing. The attitude on this one. Great lass. Yeah. Someone dated a digger driver, got him to dig out two paddocks full of bamboo for my parents on a place they purchased.
Starting point is 01:14:10 It was going to cost over $16,000 to get it professionally done. And we only had to pay for the diesel, the digger. So it cost us under a grand. Soon after the bamboo was cleared, the relationship began. So was the romance. But you imagine your daughter's dating someone and he's a bit of a dick, but he's going to clear your paddocks and save you $16,000. And she's like, I'm going to break up with him.
Starting point is 01:14:31 Just wait. Just wait. Please wait. Just wait. Because you know, bamboo, if we don't get it all now, it's going to come back. Play. ZDM's Fletch Vaughan and Hayley. Yesterday I arrived home and I was greeted by my lovely wife.
Starting point is 01:14:48 She is lovely. She's lovely. She was folding washing. That's hot. Yeah, she was doing some washing folding and she was sat on. She sits to fold. I prefer to stand at a table. No, I love to sit and fold.
Starting point is 01:14:59 I sit on the floor and watch something. Oh, see, I'm not a floor sitter. I can't sit on the floor. It's the back. It's the tight hands. It's the quads. I just thought of sit on the floor leg combo. Right. Tight buttocks. Big, tight, round buttocks.
Starting point is 01:15:12 Big, strong. It's huge and it's strong and it's curvy and it's delicious, but it's not stretchy. So I prefer to stand at the table. Anyway, she sat down. She's watching something. I say, what are you watching? And she said, I'm watching the Selena Gomez documentary. And she pauses it.
Starting point is 01:15:28 And I was like, is this an old one or a new one? And she's like, it just came out. And I said, is it any good? And she said, it is. So I said, well, I want to watch it too. How far into it are you? And she's like, not far, 10 minutes maybe. I was like, all right, catch me up while I make something to eat.
Starting point is 01:15:42 So I was making something to eat. And she just kind of caught me up real quick on the first 10 minutes. And then we sat down and we watched it. And I must say, a very moving sort of behind the scenes at what her life has entailed. Yeah. A kind of,
Starting point is 01:15:56 so the guy that directed it made the video for Hands to Myself into the Selena Gomez song. Can't get my hands on myself. Yeah, that song. She does it slightly better than me. Oh, my God. It's.
Starting point is 01:16:08 Get my hand on my cell. It's the fourth, fifth, the fifth Gib. High praise, high praise. So the guy that directed that was just kind of like, wow, she's behind the scenes, this very frank, honest, open person. What a fascinating person to make a documentary about. So I started making it around about then, like in 2015. Right.
Starting point is 01:16:32 And it's kind of followed around. Kind of follows around. It ends, the end of it's kind of like COVID started, maybe like the end of 2020 is when I feel like it ended. And yeah, it's just come out. It was on Apple Plus. That's where we watched it yesterday. And yeah, it's just come out. It was on Apple Plus. That's where we watched it yesterday. Everyone's just saying it's really sad and depressing.
Starting point is 01:16:49 Yeah, because you jumped on the chat and said, oh my God, I'm watching this documentary. And I said, pause everything. And I watched it too, late into the night. Yeah. I was like, holy moly. It kind of covered, because she's got lupus, which is an autoimmune disorder.
Starting point is 01:17:02 And that just like, there's days where she can't open a bottle of water because her hands are so sore. Yeah. She's just continually tired. She suffers from bipolar disorder. Her organs shut down. So she had a kidney removed. She had a kidney transplant.
Starting point is 01:17:15 And it's just all about her mental wellbeing. And I tell you what, I got the feeling she hates being famous. Yeah. But it's just that like expected. I think she loves, it was like she loves the art of it, right? Like she loves making music and entertaining people,
Starting point is 01:17:29 but she hates the, she hates being famous. The constant. Oh, it'd be horrible. Oh, it'd be absolutely horrible. She's the happiest. She looks, she goes to Kenya at one stage to work with a charity. Yeah. And it's about the happiest she's ever looked.
Starting point is 01:17:43 Is it because nobody knows her over there? They kind of know of her and she talks to them about, and I know it's about the happiest she's ever looked. Is it because nobody knows her over there? They kind of know of her and she talks to them about and oh I know it's really cute the kids that she goes and visits at the African at the Kenyan school
Starting point is 01:17:52 are like we did a talent show last year and we sang you a song and they start singing a song to her. And you can just tell she's really taken by that
Starting point is 01:17:59 but like a harrowing watch at what goes into the life of someone that you think is just living the dream. Yeah, right. You know, when she's just constantly hounded about the Justin Bieber relationship and then when she releases a song and does the press tour around it,
Starting point is 01:18:18 it's just like we meet musicians when they come and they get dragged in and they get a thousand interviews in their time in New Zealand and you get 10 minutes with them and they're being rushed around and you think, man, the rock and roll lifestyle. Horrible.
Starting point is 01:18:30 Oh, yeah. Horrible. She gets five minutes with each person and every person just wants to know about the Justin Bieber connection to the song she's promoting.
Starting point is 01:18:38 It's, yeah, I would recommend it as a watch just to see, I don't know, and just to, yeah, it'll definitely make you
Starting point is 01:18:46 think twice about wanting to be famous bad mouthing bad mouthing celebrities yeah for choosing to do things a certain way such a good look into mental health right because totally it's sort of where it ends is her going i want to do more i want to be more than just a pop star and she wants wants to implement like an education, like a, what do you call it? Like a, what do you call it? Like a module or something? Yeah, a curriculum.
Starting point is 01:19:12 She wants to add it to the school curriculum that, you know, she said it's interesting when you're at kindergarten, it's all how are you? And like, what is, what is, how's your mood reflected in this? Like, are you sad or are you happy? And you talk about it and then you get to primary school and it's like, stop. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:19:28 But it's, you know, it should evolve and grade up like maths does. Maths is very simple at the end and then it gets more complicated and as do emotions and feelings and, you know, the mental health. Yeah, it's a lot to watch. Is that on Apple? Yes. Apple TV. Yes. But I think it's a lot to watch. Is that on Apple? Yes. Apple TV. Yes.
Starting point is 01:19:46 But I think... Selena Gomez, my mind, and I think it's just interesting to see what she went through as a teenager and, you know, maybe to apply it to teenagers, you know, in real life. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:19:56 It's a good watch. It's our hot recommend. Well, Ashton Kutcher has, he's one of the celebrities that ran the New York Marathon. A whole lot of them did, didn't they? Yeah, and I loved it. The top Google searches, because I was like Ashton Kutcher,
Starting point is 01:20:19 and then it was like marathon time. Yeah. What was it? What was it? People are wanting to see like how fast the celebs did. He did three hours, 54 minutes and one second. Beat him. Beat him. Did you?
Starting point is 01:20:30 How much did you beat him by? I mean, you weren't doing the New York marathon. No, which is flatter. Flatter than the Auckland marathon. I did three hours, 34. Oh, you're bad. You're bad. Oh, you were quick.
Starting point is 01:20:40 Did you raise millions of dollars for charity, though? World charity? How much money did you raise? No, but I beat them. So eat my dust. Yeah, eat my shorts. Don't eat my shorts. They were absolutely shambles.
Starting point is 01:20:51 Oh, I bet they'd be bloody half-soiled. Sometimes they have a little mid-run wee. Who cares? What's sweat? What's wee? It's hard to tell at that stage of the game, isn't it? It really is. Who else ran it?
Starting point is 01:21:02 I heard it was quite warm and there was a few people who passed out. TJ Holmes. He's a Good Morning America anchor. Ellie Kemper, who's Unbreakable Kenny Smith. She did 5 hours 17. What did she walk her? Fallen. She laughed, I didn't laugh. No, I'm always like blown
Starting point is 01:21:21 away when someone takes that long because it must just be so hard to keep moving for that long. I also laugh. I've never run more than like eight kilometres in my life. Yeah. I can't. Lauren Ridloff, an actress from The Walking Dead, four hours, five minutes.
Starting point is 01:21:34 Wow. Olympic gold medalist in hockey, Megan Duggan, three hours, 52. I beat a gold medalist? A former bachelor did it. One of the bachelors Matt James 3 hours 46 Beat him
Starting point is 01:21:49 An Olympic gold medalist In cross country skiing Merit Bonjean She did 3 hours and 8 minutes You didn't beat her You didn't beat her She beat me Do you remember
Starting point is 01:22:01 Was this the same marathon The New York marathon Was it Katie Who did they say cheated, that was it Katie Holmes? Who did they say cheated? It was Katie Holmes. Katie Holmes. Took the subway or something, didn't she?
Starting point is 01:22:11 A little winch. Did Katie Holmes cheat marathon time? Did Katie Holmes run the full course? And, yeah, some people just believe she didn't. Somebody said Ashton Kutcher's 44. How old were you when you did yours? Okay, okay. Yeah, how old were you?
Starting point is 01:22:30 Yeah, how old were you? Everyone calm down. Well, you're not 44 years. Yeah, okay. Wow. But isn't it actually easier to run marathons when you get a little bit older? Yeah, because you've got everything hurts. Have you met my knees?
Starting point is 01:22:43 I don't believe that at all. True. Wow. Yeah, people accused her of getting someone else to run it for her. Yeah, didn't Katie Holmes back in the day. Was that the one where she jumped on a subway or something? Yeah. Or jumped in a car and then somebody did the middle bit.
Starting point is 01:22:57 It'd be pretty cool later to be running a marathon and then to just sort of be like running past and be like. It's Ashton Kutcher. It's Ashton Kutcher. Yeah. It'd be so weird. Yeah. Like a be so weird. Yeah. Like a celebrity in the wild.
Starting point is 01:23:09 I'm trying to think if I've ever seen a celebrity in the wild. I used to see. We saw Hilary Barry at Gilmore's. Oh, yeah. She loves a bulk buy. She loves a bulk buy. She was bulk buying up a storm, wasn't she? She was.
Starting point is 01:23:21 She's got hungry lads at home. Oh, boy, that was a few years ago when they were all still at home too. Growing the bees. Loves to feed. Yeah. I would love to take some calls when you've seen a celebrity doing a normal person thing. Yeah. How many people have seen me pick my nose?
Starting point is 01:23:38 I'm a big car nose picker. Absolutely picker. Yeah. But what about seeing a celebrity wet? What do you mean? You never see celebrities wet and then you see them at the beach or at a pool and they're wet. And you're like, oh, my God, you get wet too?
Starting point is 01:23:53 That's wild. It is weird, yeah. I sort of thought someone would keep you dry. Yeah. Shouldn't you be? Someone be toweling you or something? You're very wet. Okay, well, I want to take some calls.
Starting point is 01:24:03 Oh, 800-DARZITY. Maybe you've seen a wet celebrity. Or like a dirty newsreader. Because they're always prim and proper. Imagine seeing Simon Dallow with some dirt on his face. Oh, yeah. What about at the hairdressers, you know, with a cape on, looking like an idiot? Yeah.
Starting point is 01:24:19 Because capes make you look so stupid. 0800-DARZIDEM. When have you seen a celebrity doing normal people things? Out and about. Celebrity out in the wild. In the wild. Maybe you were running a marathon and you saw Ashton Kutcher. Maybe.
Starting point is 01:24:33 It'd make you run faster, wouldn't it? Yeah, because you'd be like, I want to beat Ashton Kutcher. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Do they do their own lawns? No. Imagine if you were just going for a walk around the suburbs and you saw someone mowing their lawns, a celeb mowing their lawns. Yeah, maybe.
Starting point is 01:24:47 Well, marathon runners at the New York Marathon at the weekend got to see Ashton Kutcher. Treat themselves to a... Yeah. It's a pretty good time. Yeah, we raised a lot of money, did, what, just under four hours marathon time. But we're talking about those times when you just see a celebrity doing a normal person's thing.
Starting point is 01:25:03 Because people have just said it was weird, they're just running along and they see Ashton Kutcher. Yeah, I know. Like a big a celebrity doing a normal person's thing. Because people have just said it was weird that it's running along and they see Ashton Kutcher. Yeah, I know. Like a big C-Lab doing a marathon. Imagine doing a marathon and then Elio Kipchoge runs past you. You know the guy who ran it almost sub two? Yeah. The world record
Starting point is 01:25:18 guy. I don't even think there would be a chance he would be able to run past you. You'd be like gone. Unless it's laps. Yeah. And then he'd lap you five times. So many messages coming in. I saw Michelle Rodriguez at the old Corny Place movie.
Starting point is 01:25:32 She sat down in the middle and there's some people who told her to move because she was sitting in their seats. And she just like looked at them with that Michelle Rodriguez look. She went to Reading Cinemas. What did I? Yeah, that's the Corny Place one. Yeah, was she filming? When was she here filming?
Starting point is 01:25:44 What was she filming? Don't know. Was she weird to see someone who's in the movies going to the movies? Yeah, that's the corny place one. Yeah, was she filming? When was she here filming? What was she filming? Don't know. Was she weird to see someone who's in the movies going to the movies? Yeah, it is. Yeah. I was at the USS Arizona Memorial in Hawaii and Snoop Dogg was there. Of course. Going to see the memorial in Hawaii from Pearl Harbor.
Starting point is 01:26:01 Imagine seeing Snoop Dogg in the wild. It would be absurd. It would be so wild. He seems like a fictional character. Yeah. When I lived in London, I was getting petrol one day and Hugh Laurie was getting petrol beside me at the Shepherd's Bush BP.
Starting point is 01:26:14 That's cool. Do you reckon he stacks his discounts? Absolutely stacks his discounts. I saw John Campbell at the hairdresser once in a cape and he had wet hair. Does this count as a wet celebrity? I mean, it's getting there,
Starting point is 01:26:27 isn't it? All right. We're talking about when you've seen celebrities in the wild. What were they doing? Were they wet? You want to know
Starting point is 01:26:34 if they were wet. I was at a gym once and Nelson Mandela came in and started walking next to me on the treadmill. As if. Granny.
Starting point is 01:26:43 I don't know if I believe that. Standing in't know if I'd leave that. Standing in a queue to disembark a plane and then next to me was Michael J. Fox just queuing up. Oh my God.
Starting point is 01:26:52 Wow. But I'm imagining dry as a bone. My wife and I saw Madonna at a kid's playground in Regent's Park in London. That was weird.
Starting point is 01:26:59 That would have been a while ago. She's too crazy to be in playgrounds at the moment. Yeah, she'd be absolutely watched carefully as she was
Starting point is 01:27:05 I was in a bookshop in London And I was like who's that handsome boy Looking at books and it was Jake Gyllenhaal I saw Adrian Brody walking around Oriental Parade Wellington with no shirt on Now was he wet? He may have been wet
Starting point is 01:27:21 Can we get a moisture reading on him please? Oriental Bay it's the beach, right? Yeah. I served Susie Cato at Hellenstein's a couple of years ago. When she left, I said, see you, see you later. Oh, don't do that. Don't do that. Don't do that.
Starting point is 01:27:38 I may or may not have used to live next to Wendy Petra, and I once saw her pegging her. I've seen her pegging her washing out once or twice and maybe even in her dressing gown. Okay. My brother and sister live in LA and Natalie Portman
Starting point is 01:27:49 came to their house trick-or-treating. What? Had my arm and arm to herself. Open the door, there she is. Take all the lollies.
Starting point is 01:27:59 Who else have we got here? I saw Ben Hurley getting a kebab on Cuba Street. I'm not sure if that's a rare occurrence. He just made an absolute bloody beeline for that kebab store. He loves a kebab. He loves a kebab. Was he wet? No. No
Starting point is 01:28:13 moisture reading on that one. Okay. No moisture reading on that one. I went living in London. I was walking in the suburbs, not paying attention. I nearly walked into Sir Paul McCartney! The Beatle. I saw Fletch at Les Mills working on Dat Bod and he was moist.
Starting point is 01:28:31 He was a bit wet, wasn't he? I don't know if that one counts. Was he a bit wet? Was he a bit moist? I got into an elevator in Honolulu and the other occupant was none other than the Magnum PI himself, Tom Satter. Oh, I'd freak.
Starting point is 01:28:43 That must have done. I'd give him a little kiss. I saw Savage. This is Savage, the New Zealand rapper, get bowled over by a wave at Motowai. He was very wet. We finally got our first wet celebrity. Great, he was. Fantastic.
Starting point is 01:28:57 I saw Laura Daniels working at the Lido Pools in Palmerston North. She got wet. Wow. There's another wet celebrity. Plenty of celebrities getting wet. When my son was a baby nine years ago, we were in the same baby swim class as Tony Street. Wet. Wet. Yes. Okay.
Starting point is 01:29:13 That should have been the final winner. You've seen a famous person wet. Well, congratulations to you, podcast listeners. You've reached the end. So, I would assume if you've listened all this way through, you're either asleep, in which case, wake up! Or you enjoyed it. So I would assume if you've listened all this way through you're either asleep in which case wake up! Or you enjoyed it.
Starting point is 01:29:28 So drop us a review and tell your friends. That's how podcasts work.

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