ZM's Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley - Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley Podcast - 8th November 2022
Episode Date: November 7, 2022Lunar Eclipse Toilet Brush Top 6: Stolen Keys Silly Little Poll! Hayleys Bloody Disaster Fact of the Day Day Day Day Daaaaay!See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information....
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The ZM Podcast Network.
Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley.
Hello, welcome to the Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley podcast.
It's thanks to McCafe, great barista made coffee on the go.
What do we have here?
Oh, it's the podcast post office.
It's time for the post sack.
We've been sent a box.
Well, you've been sent a box.
Well, it's got my name on it, probably because I'm the most responsible.
Jesus Christ.
I know.
This has been sent from Jersey City in New Jersey.
Is it for all of us or is it just for you?
It's from Grace and it says to Vaughan Smith.
Grace, that costs 69.
Nice.
Nice dollars.
69 US dollars to send this box.
What the fart?
And the category of items, it says value $50.
So, Grace, you've spent...
Too much.
Oh, Grace, we don't...
Well, I feel bad now.
Vaughan's got a...
That knife is very blunt.
I definitely need a sharp.
Yeah.
Also, you've penetrated that knife without knowing what's in that box.
You've penetrated that knife right inside it.
No.
You could have cut something.
It could be a cat or something in there.
Oh.
White chocolate M&M's.
I bought them back.
Why is it a dress?
Why is it a dress, dear?
The white chocolate sugar cookie M&M's.
So the inside is a sugar cookie.
It's a white chocolate coating.
Oh, God. Ding. Oh my lord.
So they're like a crispy
Oh get
fucked. A crispy
Should we try one? Should we just have
a little try? Absolutely we should.
Here I've opened them. Oh okay
right. Oh there's more in here.
Skinny dipped almonds.
White dark chocolate peppermint skinny dipped almonds.
Oh my God, so it's like a crispy M&M, which is my favourite, but it's white chocolate.
White chocolate on the outside.
And there's a letter.
Sugar cookie.
Wow.
What does the letter say?
Let me read the letters in a Ziploc bag.
Oh, they're Christmas colours.
Yeah, they're so yum.
Oh, Grace, thank you so much.
Here we go.
Grace. What does it say on the front? To the F. Oh, Grace, thank you so much. Here we go. Grace.
What does it say on the front?
To the Fletch, Fawn and Hayley team.
And then there's us.
And then, wee, this line.
And she says, me and you, Jersey, looking good.
Joda.
Do you think your cat speaks like your New York cat?
Hey, no, because it's New Jersey.
Yeah, boy, Jersey.
Get out of here.
Mates in 2019, I moved to Rowe for the US uni.
The plan was to visit home and graduate and return in 21.
COVID.
Well, COVID, I got stuck, which is where my daily routine began,
which was your podcast.
Thank you for bringing me a dose of home and top-notch yarns.
I ended up falling in love here.
Oh, nice.
Got my Masters
and now work here
still with my ritual
ZM Potty listening.
Please enjoy the
Journey to Health
Christmas Treats
Your Rockstars
from Grace.
Wow.
Grace, that's so kind of you.
So kind.
Thank you.
That's so kind of you.
Jesus.
You need an almond
dark chocolate peppermint. There's one each Jesus You're too kind Grace
Thank you so much
Thank you
Also
Grace's
Mail reminded me
Jamie message
A lovely message saying
Used to live in Dunedin
And has moved over to play college soccer.
Oh, whereabouts?
It just says the USA.
It doesn't say exactly where.
But yeah, so thank you for that lovely message, Jamie, as well.
It was on the IG that came through on Monday.
Lovely message saying, here's a picture of your feet.
Oh, okay.
Are you contemplating that?
Absolutely.
Time's going to be hard next year. Yeah. Well, I've said you should get an OnlyFans for feet. Oh, okay. Are you contemplating that? Absolutely. Time's going to be hard next year.
Yeah.
Well, I've said you should get an OnlyFans for feet.
I've got kind of manky feet at the moment.
I might have to go get a pedicure.
Do you remember we talked about my friend?
I don't know if I mentioned his name, so I won't say.
But do you remember he was asked to do looning?
Yes.
Ballooning.
Ballooning.
Now, this is where somebody paid him money to blow up a balloon,
and he sent him the video.
That's right.
And then the guy gave him money.
I think it was pounds because he was overseas.
So recently he was staying with me.
This is my friend who did the looning.
And he said the guy reached out for him and wanted more,
but he couldn't afford it.
I would have sore cheeks.
I get that kind of aching in the cheeks when I blow up balloons.
It's one balloon.
I'm phenomenal at blowing up a balloon.
Water bombs, long skinny ones.
All the money you've wasted over the years blowing up balloons, you could be making money.
I blew up two of my kids' got a new pool floatie at the weekend.
One each and I blew them up.
And they were like, you won't be able to do it, Dad.
It's too much.
And I said, well, you absolutely know how to get me to do something.
I was going to say, I love that your kids have already worked out
how to make Vaughan do something.
And I blew it up.
They couldn't believe the speed, the power of these lungs.
Yeah, good lungs.
Good.
What are those like?
Dude.
Dude.
Skinny almonds.
Skinny dipped almonds.
Chocolate peppermint almonds.
Because those M&M's were delicious
But they were a lot
I couldn't do too many of those
Yeah good stuff
Yum
Are you listeners just loving hearing us eat?
Amazing
Well thank you Grace
For the little mail bag
Thank you so much Grace
I'm glad you're in love
You've got your masses
You're doing it right over there in New Jersey.
Play ZM's Fletch, Fawn and Hayley.
Thank you, Sam.
Good morning.
Welcome to the show.
Fletch, Fawn and Hayley.
Three minutes past six.
What's up?
I've got a splinter.
I know.
You've been trying to dig it out all morning.
We don't have a needle here or anything.
And so it's just sitting in there.
What about a staple?
Oh, my God.
I went out to Carween, and I said,
have you got a needle?
And she said, I've got staples.
Bit blunt.
Bit blunt.
I need a real prick.
Can you not get in either side and, like,
get under and squeeze it and then suck it at the same time?
I've been really trying.
What about put your finger in some warm water?
Yeah.
I mean, that would just feel nice.
It would feel nice. Do that anyway.
And then maybe it'll draw it out, maybe.
That's when we were kids,
we'd always get prickles out after the bath.
Yes.
It's like why squeezing a pimple's a bit easier
after a shower or a bath.
Oh, always.
Hot compress.
Hot compress.
Oh, well, stay tuned.
Stay tuned.
For my Splinter update. Would you like an tuned. For my Splinter Update.
Would you like an intro made up?
Splinter Update. Yeah, can we get a little sort of musical bed going?
Splinter Update.
Coming up on the show, the top six.
Yeah, over the keys to over 100 cars were stolen from a car yard in Hamilton.
That's a dick move, eh?
Yeah, how very inconvenient.
Who would have done that?
A criminal.
A naughty criminal.
Or a prankster.
Who is now a criminal
because technically
they've stolen something.
Yeah.
I want the top six places
to check for the keys.
Always in the last place you look.
Always in the last place you look.
Funny, eh?
It is.
Well, that's because you stop looking once you find them, right? Yeah. That's why it's the last place you look. Funny, that. It is. Well, that's because you stop looking once you find them, right?
Yeah.
That's why it's the last place you look.
Around 8.30 on the show this morning,
a chance thanks to American Airlines to go on the draw
at the end of the week to win flights returned to America.
I had a dream I went to America, actually, last night.
One, I had a dream I had pink hair and I really liked it
Yeah
Stay tuned
Okay
I'm getting my hair done tomorrow
Okay
Maybe I'll spice it up
And two I had a dream I went to New York
And I got lost
And you were there Vaughn
Like was I the pigeon lady and you were Nicola Culkin that was home alone too
Thank you Kevin
Yeah
Thank you Kevin
Yeah you ditched me in New York
Classic me Always I don't know where you Yeah, you ditched me in New York.
Classic me.
Always skyping up in New York.
Must have been going for a costume change.
Quick costume change.
Quick costume change.
All right, next on the show.
Big day in the sky.
Big night in the sky.
I don't think it's going to be very good.
Why? Because it's so cloudy.
It's so cloudy we're going to have rain this evening.
But the heavens may part.
We may be treated to something for the last time before 2025.
Well, a lunar eclipse will be...
Well, I mean, look outside.
Where we are right now anyway, very thick pea soup cloud situation.
Pea soup's generally a fog description.
Yeah.
Very heavy cloud.
So maybe we won't get to see the total lunar eclipse of the heart.
Also, it starts at like nine, right?
Ooh.
And then is peaking around midnight.
So, yeah. You know, Auckland, probably one of the only places that is. Right And then Is peaking around midnight So Yeah
You know
Auckland
Probably one of the only places
That is
Auckland and the
Upper North Island
Cloudy cloudy
The far north
Is cloudy
They're cloudy cloudy
Have they
It's looking like a really nice day
For most of the country today
Okay well maybe tonight
You get to see your little
Lunar eclipse then
Down there
Is it a total eclipse
It is a lunar total eclipse
So this is when the moon goes in behind the sun?
We get in between the sun and the moon.
Right.
We do.
We get in between the sun and the moon.
Now, the sun can never come between us and the moon.
No.
Otherwise, we will die. We'll all die. We will shri the sun and the moon. Now, the sun can never come between us and the moon. No. Otherwise, we will die.
We'll all die.
We will shrivel up.
One day it will.
That's the prediction, isn't it?
Really?
It's like when it goes supernova.
It'll just expand, but it'll be between us and the moon and Mercury and Venus and everything.
It'll just be absolutely toasted.
Yeah, but I won't be here.
You know what I mean?
Got plans, have you?
Oh, we did.
That's my plan.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
When was the last one?
We watched it last year, wasn't it?
Yeah, last year.
And I remember I listened to Pink Floyd
and me and Aaron lay outside and watched the eclipse.
Jesus.
Yeah.
Wow.
Take some hallucinogenics.
No, I was going to say no drugs were involved.
No mushrooms, No LSD
It was pretty cool
They're pretty cool to see
Oh they're amazing
So the lunar eclipse tonight
What time again?
Yeah
Starts at nine
But it won't peak
Until much later
Midnight situation
Oh
It's bedtime
Bedtime
That's bedtime
Yeah
It's well after bedtime
And like
Unless it's super clear
You're probably just best best look at the photos.
Yeah.
Some clever bugger with a bloody DSLR or a time lapse.
Yep.
You know they'll work out their exposure length.
Yeah.
Perfect.
What F would you put it on?
Oh, definitely something point something.
Five point zero F.
Yeah, sure.
Yeah.
100%.
What kind of monochromatic film? Yeah. Five. Zero. F. Yeah, sure. Yeah, 100%. I go, what kind of monochromatic film?
Yeah, for sure.
Yeah, catch it on film, go old school.
Catch it on film.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Click.
It is true, though.
I think I still have photos from the last lunar eclipse,
and it's like, boop, like it looks like a dot.
Yeah, it looks like a cheese ball on your average person.
But if you've got a telescope, hell of a time to get the telescope out.
Someone will upload some great videos and photos tomorrow.
You can just go to bed.
Is Brazil getting it?
What do you mean, Brazil?
Well, there's always a great photo of, you know, the old big Jesus on the cliff.
Oh, yeah.
They frame it so that the lunar eclipse is just above his head or whatever.
Yeah, that'll look good.
That always looks pretty good.
Maybe we could get, there'll probably be one beside the Sky Tower.
Yeah, that'll look nice.
Yeah, that'll look locally.
That could be nice.
One sort of setting behind the Harbour Bridge.
Yeah, that could be nice.
Behind the Owakuni Carrot.
Yeah.
Oh, beautiful.
Yeah, all the landmarks.
Beautiful.
The Taihape Gumboot.
I was just about to say the Gumboot in Taihape.
Going into the Gumboot, that'll look quite cool.
Or you could have it above the Rakaia Trout
or the one in Gore where it looks like they're jumping.
They could be jumping to eat it.
You've all got your photography assignments
and you'll be judged on them tomorrow morning.
I want to see one next to the Cromwell D&B.
What's the Cromwell?
That's fruit. Oh, yes. That's fruit. Is that? Cromwell D&B. What's the Cromwell? That's fruit.
Oh, yes.
That's fruit.
Is it?
Cromwell, yes.
Are you sure?
I thought this whole time it was a D&B.
I believe there's a couple of balls.
There's an apple.
Yep.
A peach.
And a peach.
And you may be confusing a pear.
I think I added the eggplant emoji when I took a photo there.
You did.
So that's not part of that.
Right.
Okay, great. What an exciting time. You did. So that's not part of that. Right. Okay, great.
What an exciting time.
Historical times.
Tonight, the lunar eclipse.
If you've got the clear sky, it's happening.
Yeah.
Next on the show.
A woman is absolutely disgusted the entire internet.
It's truly feral.
Yeah, I'm disgusted by this.
I'm not on board.
Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley.
From the sophisticated ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley. From the sophisticated
ZM Think Tank,
this is the Top Six.
Hello there. Police are
investigating a break-in at a Hamilton car dealership
that saw the car keys to every car on the lot
stolen. 10am Sunday. Ring, ring.
Hello, Hamilton Police. Hello, Hamilton Police.
It's Tina from Turner's.
I love Tina. Tina from Turner's.
Fletch doesn't know what we're talking about
because he doesn't watch
terrestrial television.
Don't you?
Who's Tina from Turners?
She's the person
that fronts the
Turners car auction ads now.
She loves cars.
I'm Tina from Turners
and I love cars.
Oh, yeah,
and I don't watch television.
She's with ads.
We're both on television.
You don't support our work?
Oh, yeah,
I see the clips on Facebook
The clips on Facebook?
Son of a bitch
It doesn't contribute to our ratings
So Tina
It's alright
Tina from Turner's called the police and said
It seems like our board of keys has been stolen
Oh no
That is just awful.
Because if you've ever been into a car like
second hand cars generally, they've just got this
massive board with like numbers
corresponding to car parks and you'd be like
oh I would love to take that Toyota
Altezza for a little test drive.
Yeah for a little spin. And they're like Toyota Altezza
39, 39, 39
right.
Apparently all the keys are gone.
Oh, my God.
How much is that?
Because do you know like some of those cars just to get replacement.
Dude, if any of them are European cars, it will cost us more fortune.
Oh, my God.
But you know what?
Here's my hack for it.
You can buy the key replacements off AliExpress
and they come with instructions on how to do them.
Do they?
Wait, how to like?
How to tune it to your car.
Sort of tune it to your car.
Yeah.
Oh, wow.
Really?
Yeah.
It's the same as like,
it's slightly more complicated
than garage door openers and stuff,
but yeah.
Yeah, right.
Like I need a new garage door opener.
It was going to cost me $150.
Yeah.
And I just bought one off like AliExpress.
It arrived like two weeks later
and it was just like,
oh, I'm going to hold this button on your thing and then hold the button on weeks later and it was just like, oh, hold this button
on your thing and then hold the button on the remote and it was like
blip and it talked. And then I was like
how hard is this to do with some cars? And you can find
them online. So how much would you want
an AliExpress garage bill? $15.
Oh my god. But wouldn't you need to get into
the car?
If the car's locked, yes.
You'd need the original key
wouldn't you? You would also need the patience and not need your car straight away to be able to wait.
Obviously, this is a convenience thing when it needs to be done then and there.
Yeah.
A man who works a turn has said replacing the keys, the locks, the immobilizers, and the computers would be difficult, but there was enough stock in the country.
This is not.
Who's done this?
This is not. That's, who's done this? This is horrible.
So,
another guy from
Waikato Auto Locksmith
said they were replacing
the keys and locks
in 135 cars.
It was a huge job.
It was going to take weeks.
One car taking
a minimum of two hours.
So,
they're replacing
the whole Shibuba.
They're not just doing
a new key.
Did somebody think
they could just steal
this board of keys
and then come back for some cars?
I don't know.
Yeah, because you would.
You'd just start being like...
Yeah.
So, yeah, they said, okay, so some of these...
Okay, so it's not as simple as I...
When I looked into it for my old car,
he said modern car keys had a chip in them
and the engine computer would be pulled out of some of the cars
because they needed
to correspond within it.
So you can't go on
AliExpress
and get a $5 remote.
Basic calculations,
$270,000
to replace the keys.
Who's done this?
And the lost business
have not been able
to sell these cars
in the meantime,
you know what I'm saying?
Is this an insurance thing?
Surely.
Right?
You'd think so, yeah.
It's got to be,
but they didn't comment
to say whether or not it was.
Oh, okay.
But before we rush into it
and call a locksmith,
I've got the top six places
to check for the stolen car keys.
Okay, great.
Let's do a thorough check
before you know it's been there.
Because you've had a few
lost car keys in your time.
Oh, have I what?
Number six on the list
of the top six places
to check for the stolen car keys.
Are they in the car?
Oh, yeah, often in the car.
This is a Sade closer.
Really?
Because our family car,
the Hyundai,
has got one of those
proximity things in it.
I don't like those.
I want to put the key in.
And put it in your pocket.
Treat it like an ordinary key
because Sade will be like,
I don't know where the keys are.
Same.
And when you get out
to get into the house,
you're like,
I don't know where my keys are.
And Aaron's always like,
you literally just pulled up.
I'm like, I don't need my keys to drive my car.
Yeah, it's weird, eh?
Yeah.
And then you'll get into the car and you'll push the button
and it'll be like, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep.
Key not found.
And then you'll find it in the boot of the car.
Yeah.
Where she opened it to get the groceries out
and put the key in and then walked away.
Number five on the list of the top six places
to check for all these stolen car keys before we rush into
calling a locksmith. Bottom of your
handbag. Yeah, they're always
there. There's always a corner. Lurking
in the bottom of the handbag. No matter how
big or small your handbag is, you'll always
lose your keys. There's a spot for the keys to
squirrel away and hide. Often in the
lining. Women will feel this
pain when the lining of your handbag rips.
Everything goes into the lining. All sorts of things get into the lining. A handbag rips. Yeah. Everything goes into the lining.
All sorts of things get into the lining.
I had a friend that lost her passport in her lining.
In the lining.
Great place to hide the passport.
Yeah, great.
I think that's why it was there.
The hiding place so good she forgot she hid it.
Yeah.
And number four on the list of the top six places to check for the stolen car keys
are that tray on the end of the bench.
Might just be under something.
Yeah.
Might be under the bills.
Yeah. An envelope. Yeah. Oh, the bloody rates of the end of the bench. Might just be under something. Might be under the bills. An envelope, yeah.
Ah, the bloody rates of Verizon.
It's under the rates. Number three on the list of the top
six places to check for the stolen car keys.
This one goes out to my mother-in-law
who turned her house upside down looking for her keys.
They were on the key holders.
All along.
Yeah, because her husband, when he
finds the keys, had just dropped
somewhere, because this is apparently a bit of a
classic. Her, she'll just walk in and just drop them.
Yeah. He hangs them up on the
key holder. Oh, that's smart. But of course, she's
like, I never hang them up there, so why would I look there?
Yeah. Number two on the list of the top
six places to check for the stolen car keys before
we call the locksmith, back of the couch.
Yeah, it's a classic. It's an absolute
classic. And number one on the list of the top
six places to check for the stolen car keys.
Ask the kids if they've touched them.
And if they're like, no, they have.
Yeah.
And just probably start with the, I'd start looking for your keys in Barbie's car.
Yeah.
Bit of a classic Barbie needs the keys to start a car situation, but she doesn't.
God, do kids know how bloody Barbies can't sit down?
They don't know us at all.
Stupid dummies. That's today's top
six.
Play my splinter jingle.
Did we get that done over the
first break? No, there was no time.
Producer Jarrod? No, he hasn't
been able to. Where's my musical splinter update
jingle? Have you got it?
Splinter, splinter. She's got a splinter. jingle? Have you got it? Splinter, splinter.
She's got a splinter.
It's a bit of wood and it's stuck in her finger.
That's all right.
Splinter update, it's out.
Yes.
Thank you.
It literally just went, I was squeezing it, it just went.
Fantastic.
Out it came.
Oh, my God.
Sweet, sweet relief.
Well, we'll have a jingle made just in case you get another one. Yeah, a lot of wood in my house at the moment.
Yeah.
A lot of wood in a lot of homes.
Yeah.
Famously built with wood.
Now, this is gross.
There is a woman who shared on a mum blog, Mum's Net,
that she cleans her toilet brush in the dishwasher.
Sorry, that really just came out of nowhere.
Oh, yuck.
Now, she doesn't put a load on and then add the toilet brush, right?
No, no.
She puts it on its own.
She said, everyone's been freaked out about this.
She said that she puts it in on her own on a hot wash
and it comes out like new.
Oh.
But that means the poo's.
The poo's everywhere.
The poo's bouncing around.
The poo's is everywhere.
I know it's like got a detergent and stuff in it, but still there's poo's The poo's everywhere The poo's bouncing around The poo's everywhere I know it's like
Got a detergent and stuff in it
But it's still
There's poo's in there now
I can't
Disassociate
You'd have to
You know where all the peas go
That little basket
Yeah the catcher
Yeah which by the way
I don't think I've ever emptied
Yeah but you
I'm a rinser
I pre-rinse
We don't have a dishwasher
We're washing our dishes In the bath at the moment Okay that's disgusting Yeah, but you and I are man and you pre-rinse. I pre-rinse, yeah. We don't have a dishwasher.
We're washing our dishes in the bath at the moment.
Okay, that's disgusting.
On our hands and knees.
It's awful.
We're not bathing in it.
See, even I find that too much, washing my dishes in the bath.
Now we can't have a bath.
Let alone putting your toilet brush.
In the dishwasher.
In the dishwasher.
Yuck.
I mean, the tablets are like caustic soda, right? Like, it's some pretty harsh stuff.
Oh, yeah.
But still, there's poos in there.
Yeah, it's disgusting.
There's poos.
So, then she said, a friend popped by this morning for coffee,
and I opened the dishwasher to get out a couple of mugs,
forgetting that I'd put the toilet items in last night.
Now, does that mean there are mugs in there?
Yeah, that sounds like she's washing them at the same time.
Okay, that is not good. Yeah, she the same time. Okay, that is not good.
Yeah, she totally freaked out saying, this is totally disgusting.
She then grabbed a mug from the cupboard and re-washed it
and poured boiling water on them before she allowed me to make her a coffee.
Oh, okay, no.
That's too much.
That's disgusting.
Oh, no, she said the mugs and loo brush Were washed in separate loads
But it's in there
But it's in there
Yeah yeah
Yuck yuck
Yeah
I don't know
How do you wash a toilet brush?
You hold it in the toilet
And you flush the toilet
Yeah
You shake it violently
Or like I'll put like
The toilet cleaner in
And then just leave it
Sitting in there
Oh yeah
The toilet brush
And then I'll just shake it
And give it a shake Yeah I'm saying I mean it's not perfect But It's. Oh, yeah. The toilet brush. And then I'll just shake it and give it a shake.
Yeah, I'm sorry.
I mean, it's not perfect, but.
It's a toilet brush.
It's a toilet brush.
It serves one purpose.
It doesn't need to be, like, stupidly hygienically cleaned, does it?
No, you don't use it to also scrub your back.
Although it would be so good.
It would be a good back scrub.
Maybe we need two toilet brushes.
One for the shower.
And one for the...
Yeah, people will say,
why have you got a toilet brush hanging in your shower?
And I'll say, that's for back scratcher.
You know you can get a loofer on a stick, though, right?
No, those things are weak.
They're weak.
They're too soft.
They break off the stick.
Right.
Okay, how do you wash a toilet brush?
Let's see what the internet says.
Okay.
The simplest method of cleaning is rinsing the toilet brush
right after using it
and then spraying the bristles
with disinfectant.
That's essentially
what we're doing.
That could be a bit of a
spray and wipe into the toilet.
Yeah, okay.
Yeah.
See, I'll put the dish brush
in the dishwasher.
Chuck a load on like,
I know it's so clean.
I've got friends that do that.
Really?
Yeah, so clean.
I buy real budget ones.
Real budget ones. Right. You know, like. Well, I've only got the that do that. Really? Yeah, so clean. I buy real budget ones. Real budget ones.
Right.
You know, like.
Well, I've only got the cheap supermarket one.
Your replaceable $1.50 ones.
Yeah.
And they get a bit mank until they all like splay out and there's none in the middle.
Okay, yeah, you need a new one.
Yeah, like a toothbrush.
Yeah.
Yeah.
They get all frayed.
That's the good stuff.
Right there.
All right, 621.
Next on the show, the top six.
Reba Wilson's had a baby.
What?
Are you sure?
I just got breaking news.
Yeah, Vera's surrogate.
She just announced her and her partner have had a baby.
God, she's been making the news this week.
She's a busy girl.
But she's not getting married.
A daughter named Royce Lillian.
Oh, right.
Okay.
There you go.
Where did you get your breaking news from
Facebook
It's from her Instagram
Oh okay it cites her Instagram
As the source
Wow congratulations Rebel
See
Beyond proud to welcome the baby
Oh yeah
I've seen babies that's what they look like
That's an undeniable baby
I've had two previously. I've seen babies. That's what they look like. That's an undeniable baby. You would not. I'm not going to argue with you.
That's an undeniably baby.
I've had two previously, and I've seen more.
Wow.
I've seen multiple babies.
Okay, well, I was very quick in that movie American Sniper
with Bradley Cooper to say, that's not a real baby.
That's a doll.
Why did they spend so much money on the sniping effects
and not use a real baby?
Remember when I said that?
Yeah, you did say that.
I'm a bit of a baby spotter.
He is.
I'm a bit of a baby if I'm He is. I'm a bit of a baby
if I'm walking down the street
and I see a lady
pushing a four-wheeled device,
I'm often like,
I think there's a baby in there.
Yeah.
How do you know?
I know,
and then sometimes
you look at the lady
and she's old
and a little bit crazy looking
and she's delivering circulars.
Yes.
Having delivered
a lot of junk mail
as a teenager,
that would be a great device.
Oh, yeah.
A flat pram would be perfect,
wouldn't it?
Perfect.
But also perfect
for transporting a baby.
Yeah.
And I know a baby.
You do.
I, yesterday, I finally got back to the blood donor centre.
I was a little bit delayed because I got COVID and then I was just being busy.
Because what's the deal if you get COVID and giving blood?
You can't.
You've got to, it's like a six-week standard.
It's not that long.
You just got to wait.
Oh, right, okay.
But I've got the O positive and that's what they want at the moment.
That's the universal blood, right?
Yeah, put it in everyone.
Get it from me and put it in everyone.
I'm pretty sure that's O positive or is that O negative?
Anyway, O positive.
They're making a call for O positive.
So if you are O positive blood and you can give blood,
you know, you're not a homosexual, God forbid.
Yeah, where's that?
Or a heathen with a tattoo.
You're not allowed to go if you've just had tats.
Or an old British farmer.
Yes. Was a mad cow. So this is, it was a disaster from the get tats. Or an old British farmer. Yes.
Was a mad cow.
So this is, it was a disaster from the get-go.
One, I was running so late.
I was at the bank, right, and the line was long.
I know.
Do you know banks are still open?
Who goes into a bank?
I know.
Why do you go into a bank?
Long story.
But anyway, I ended up abandoning that.
I'm always tempted by a long story. No, no, no. As a way out of a story. I'm always just like, no, that's up abandoning that. I'm always tempted by a long story as a way out of the story.
I'm always just like, no, that's got me more invested in the story.
Not as good as my short story.
Anyway, so I left and I had to ring the blood place and say,
look, I'm running late because of this bank queue.
Turned up 15 minutes late.
I'm stressed.
I hate being late.
Then so I quickly get the form.
We have to go, is there any risk that you have
diff diff diff diff diff
and you go no no no no no no no
but I accidentally ticked the box of
were you in England between 19
what was it 80 something
whatever I accidentally ticked that box
yes as opposed to ticking
have you travelled outside of Australia and New Zealand
right
because I don't know if you guys remember
but I went to Bali
oh my god it was Bali before or after drama school have you travelled outside of Australia and New Zealand? Right. Because I don't know if you guys remember, but I went to Bali. Oh my God.
It was Bali before or after drama school?
Significantly after.
So now these poor people at the blood centre
have to hear all about Bali.
Yeah, so then they said,
oh, were you in England and da-da-da-da?
Probably looking at me being like,
but your birth date's after this.
Previous life. Do they take into account previous lives? No, but your birth date's after this. Previous life.
Do they take into account previous lives?
No, they don't.
My reincarnations.
Yeah.
Because I was around during the Black Plague.
You don't want that in your ghost blood.
That stays in your spine, I think, and lingers there.
Anyway, so then I said, oh, no, no, sorry.
I meant to click this one.
And then, of course, yeah, I gave them a 10-minute rundown of how good barley is.
Yeah.
And how we simply must go.
But that's foot and mouthy at the moment, isn't it, barley?
Yeah, it is.
Which is why they're...
They are concerned about Indonesia.
Anyway, so then I finally sat down.
It was all good.
I had a fruit burst.
And then I sat down in the chair.
Yum.
I went nana.
That's right, Nana.
Shut up.
Are you kidding me?
Shut up.
It's my favourite.
Wait, you can pick
Any fruit burst
And you went banana
Banana's the best
Number one
Trash
It's number one
Wait so the fruit burst
There wasn't a shortage
Of any flavour
There was a green one there
Was there a berry burst?
Yeah
I know
I'd go green
I'd go green
Quite the cheap sense
If we're promoting
Berry over banana
Such a classic
Trash comment from Flare.
Either of the B's are trash.
L, lime and lemon.
No, I would go with lime first.
You go strawberry.
It goes banana, then strawberry, then lime.
Bananas are the last.
You get in the trash.
Anyway, so I sat down, had my banana fruit burst,
and then the woman called me in immediately.
I also did look at the sheet where it said what your weight was,
and I saw that, and that was 10 kgs ago.
And she was like, weight the same?
I said, yep.
I'm not going to take too much.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
It'll take too much blood.
Go for it.
And then, you know, if you haven't donated blood before,
they give you a finger prick, and they push it all out,
your blood and stuff, and they test you for low iron.
And I've never had low iron in my life. Neither.
And then she goes,
puts in the machine and goes,
have you got your period?
I went, no, I don't. She goes, oh, okay.
We'll have another
go, shall we? Pricked another finger.
It's quite sore. Prick.
Put it back in. She was like, you've got low iron.
And I said, that's not like me. She said, no,
I can see that you've never had a problem with this before so she said that this was the second thing and
then I said do it again do it again do it again I want to do it again so she pricked my third finger
put it in and then put it in the machine it was even lower than before what do you got low finger
finger problems I've got low iron and this is what what she said. She was like, oh dear. And then she said, what we can do is we can
draw some blood, like do a
proper from the arm, draw some blood,
take a good amount and then we'll test
it. And I was like, oh yeah,
you can do that if you want. And then
she said, if you've got low iron,
you won't be able to donate blood.
And I said, oh, that's fine. So I said,
take it, you know, because it's probably just my manky fingers
low in iron. The good stuff's in the arm. I don't know if that's fine. So I said, take it, you know, because it's probably just my manky fingers low in iron.
The good stuff's in the arm.
I don't know if that's how blood works.
The good stuff's...
That's not how it works.
No, no, no.
I don't think that's how it works.
No, it's weakened the fingers, but it's better in the arm.
Believe me.
Anyway, so she took blood and that was all fine.
And I will admit when she took that tiny amount of blood,
though, I did feel a bit faint.
I thought, uh-oh, because I was about to give 500 grams, 500 mils,
and tested it low again.
And she was like, well, you can't donate blood today.
I said, I'm so gutted.
You guys have been hounding me.
I've got the good stuff.
Oh, posse.
And I said, do the finger one more time.
I really feel like this.
You hate being told no.
I hate being told no.
And also I was like, I'm here.
You know, I've been meaning to get here for a while.
I've donated blood a number of times, never had a problem.
And she was like, I've taken it from your arm.
I've got a huge amount here.
And I said, do the finger again.
So she pricked another finger.
This is my fourth prick on my fingers, right?
So I've got a hole in my arm
and four pricks in my fingers.
And then she pricked it
and no blood came out.
Because you're dry.
And then she went like this
and she was squeezing,
you know how they squeeze it
to get it out?
Yeah.
No shit.
It went,
like this,
hit her straight in the face
and right up the walls. It squirted from my finger, this tiny hole in the face and right up the walls.
It squirted from my finger, this tiny hole in the finger.
It hit the roof.
What?
A squirt of blood.
It was like, I don't know what she hit, but it went just this tiny,
this thin little stream just went.
And there was like tiny little specks on the table, on her face,
the walls and the roof.
From this tiny little hole in my finger.
I couldn't believe it.
I screamed.
I was like, oh, my God.
And she was like, oh, it happens, it happens, it happens.
Was she wearing like a face shield?
She had a mask on, thank God, but not her eyes.
Isn't that, it was, I didn't know,
I didn't even know that could happen from a tiny little.
You've gotension or something.
Your blood pressure's...
Look at my finger, I know.
Low iron, high blood pressure.
You're in time bombs, bro.
I know.
That's gross.
It was like this tiny little sprinkler of blood from my finger.
Anyway, so I'm on a six-month ban.
You're on a six-month ban for squirting her in the face.
For squirting in her face.
I mean, fair enough, you know, she wasn't prepared.
But a ban because, what, you need to get your iron levels back up?
I know.
Or you actually...
Because of creating such a disaster?
Yeah.
No, no, no, because my iron levels are low.
How bad is this?
I've just logged onto my New Zealand Blood app.
And it says I've donated four times.
And I was like, well, that probably seems about right
since I have the app, I've donated four times. And I was like, well, that probably seems about right since I have the app.
I've donated four times.
Four times in my entire life.
1999, Morrinsville College.
How's this?
They've got all the information on here.
On the 7th of August 2002,
they took some blood from the Waikato Uni donation point.
I should not, in 2002,
I should not have been giving blood to anybody.
I think you're about to say
you shouldn't have been at Waikato Uni.
I also...
It shouldn't have been on the grounds of Waikato Uni.
That's fair.
St. John's Church in Ponsonby, 2008.
And then 2016, right here at NZME.
You could have done it.
No, that's when I passed out.
And they were just like, oh, they had me in a reclining chair.
And then they ran some tests and they were like, oh yeah, low iron as well.
And the doctor was just like, give it a break just for a bit.
But maybe I need to get back out there and give some more.
Well, don't worry.
In all seriousness, they really need blood.
They're so low.
They're really low.
So they're calling, especially O positive like me.
Go and donate blood.
And if you think that you might have low iron, they test it anyway.
And you can squirt on their face and squirt on the walls.
So there's been some research
that looked into how couples deal
with stress.
Yell, just yell.
Screaming. Yelling, screaming,
fighting, blaming.
Particularly they looked at whether or not same-sex couples
deal with stress any differently to heterosexual couples.
And apparently same-sex couples,
regardless of whether it's two men, two women,
deal with stress a lot better,
like vastly better than people in hetero relationships.
Really?
So they said that they looked at dyadic coping,
which is the processes through which couples manage stress together
through joint problem solving, communicating empathy,
expressing solidarity and redistributing responsibilities in response to a problem.
Oh, okay.
Apparently, they're better at all of that than a male-female couple.
Is it because they're wired the same?
No, they think it's because same-sex couples often face unique stresses
related to discrimination and stigma.
So just by coming together, they are more united and bonded
by basically it just being a bit harder for them.
Right, okay.
So they say that coping as a couple
may be sort of quite fundamental
in their relationship to start with,
that they're better at coping with things anyway
because they've had to sort of face,
hopefully not too much,
but some stigma as to even just being together
in the first place.
Isn't that amazing?
And they often, because they don't sometimes,
and this is obviously a blanket statement,
and I hope, I wish this wasn't the case,
but they in general won't receive as much support
from extended family, friends, or institutions,
not as much as different sex couples do,
so that they become more bonded with each other
than relying on external sources.
Look at that.
So the key to your ongoing happiness is continued prejudice.
Continued prejudice.
They also said in general,
same-sex marriages are happier than heterosexual marriages.
For the same reason.
Yeah, I guess so.
Yeah, right.
Okay.
I mean.
And like ratio-wise, probably more open.
That's what I was thinking, yeah.
Yeah, definitely.
And as you say, a little bit more sort of empathic.
You're sort of wired similarly.
Yeah, and that's what I thought you were going to say
is because they're wired the same.
Like, you know, woman relating to how a woman handles stress
is probably easier than a man trying to relate to a woman's stressful ways.
And then man on man the same. Man on
man. Man on man.
Is that what you call a male
homosexual relationship? Man on man.
But a man on man. But a mono-y mono.
Yeah, mono-y mono.
Although that's one on one, isn't it? And that's not always
the case. No, no.
Sometimes it's mono on mono on mono
on mono on mono on mono.
To the power of infinity. Yeah. Sometimes his sunset says mono, mono, mono, mono, mono, mono, mono.
To the power of infinity.
Yeah.
Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley.
Oh. Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley.
Silly little pole.
Silly little pole.
It is so silly, silly, silly that the silly little pole.
Silly little pole.
Silly little pole.
Silly little pole. Silly little pole, silly little pole, silly little pole, silly little pole.
I just bought something and clicked on Apple Pay as the way of paying for it on the thing.
And now it's like you can keep updated with how the order's going in your wallet.
It'll tell me when it's been delivered and stuff.
God, Dad's just loving this technology.
It's so cute that you're getting into online shopping.
It's really tipping me.
No, no, no.
It's just one.
It's very few things online shop, but it is summer and all my hats need replacing.
Yeah, good.
I need some more hats.
Silly little poll today.
Not hats, but wallets.
Where do you keep your wallet, ladies and gentlemen?
Probably more gentlemen, ladies.
In the handbag.
Most of the time, got a purse, but not all the times.
Yeah.
Purse.
But when we're...
Handbag.
A purse?
When wearing a clutch, a bag, whatever you call it.
When wearing pants, do you put your wallet in your front pocket or your back pocket?
75% said back pocket.
25% said front pocket.
It's back pocket.
Ross Boss yesterday was like,
oh, you probably put your wallet in your back pocket
and then waited for everyone to be like,
yeah, sick burn, and then was met with silence.
And he was like, what, I'm in a room of back pocketers?
We're like, oh, yuck, you're a front pocketer?
Big bulgy front pocket?
No, it's got to be the back.
Although I do remember in the past there,
what kind of doctor would be in charge of like
sitting on a big fat wallet
and you know your body goes all out of kilter?
The bum doctor.
The bum doctor.
Oh, the spine.
Maybe a spine doctor.
A spinologist.
Oh, because you're a bit like lifted on one side.
Some people have giant fat wallets.
Yeah.
Like they have a card for everything that they never use.
Oh, right.
I thought you meant to say absolutely stacked with cash.
No, but you end up sitting on like basically a two-inch bump.
Yeah.
And you end up like, if you're sitting on seats, you go to the movies or whatever.
Twisting your spine.
Oh, I always take everything out of your pockets at the movies.
Yes.
And pop it on that little thing in the middle.
No, but then you'll leave it there.
Nah, because you get up and you're like, whoa, I've got nothing on me.
I've got to have keys or nothing.
Yeah.
So 75% of people said back pocket.
25% said front pocket.
Chelsea says neither because women's pants never have pockets.
I mean, they do more and more.
Jeans.
Yeah.
Everybody's jeans have pockets.
Yes.
Brandon says front always.
I don't want to block that booty view.
So Brandon's back in the dumper there To be really like doing the heavy lifting for him
So he doesn't want anybody to think he's got a lopsided buttocks
Yeah okay
Let the ladies
Let the gents
Let everybody have a little look back there
Says Brandon
Of course
Owen says
There used to be a show on TV
All about how pickpocketers can get you things without knowing
Scarred for life front pocketer
Yeah but where are we?
We're not in a pickpocketing country.
We're not in Barcelona.
No.
No, not in Barcelona.
I've been pickpocketed in New Zealand, though.
Have you?
Yeah, I remember feeling something like brush past me.
And you were like, thanks.
Yeah, I was like, take me out for a drink first.
But then I went into my bag and they'd somehow just gone like,
and taken my wallet.
Oh, wow.
Yeah. Okay. Oh, wow. Yeah.
Okay.
What city?
Wellington.
On Courtney Place.
Crafty old bastards.
That's crafty.
On Courtney Place.
Yeah.
I'd have been a public servant.
Would have been a government official.
Maybe.
Light fingers.
They're bloody taking enough out of my pocket every week, aren't they?
You know what I mean?
It's bloody government.
Amy says, front pocket because I wear men's pants most of the time
and the pockets are so big.
Yeah, we have big pockets.
Make a switch.
It's so we can get our fingers down and readjust our balls.
Yes, exactly.
They get caught up.
I 100% believe that's the reason men have deeper pockets than females.
So you can just go flick and get the undies out of the crease there between the ball and the leg.
Well, it's just ball maintenance.
You've got to look after them.
Connor says, if it's in the back, I have to take it out every time I sit down and ain't nobody got time for that.
I know I'm bad with that too because even if I go to a cafe, I'll take it out.
Yeah, pop it on the table.
Yeah, which is a bad habit to get into because then you go travelling to countries and you leave your wallet and your phone on the table. Yeah. And you're asking for it. Yeah, pop it on the table. Yeah, which is a bad habit to get into because then you go travelling to countries
and you leave your wallet and your phone on the table
and you're asking for it.
It also ruins your jeans.
Like, you know, with men in their back pocket or something,
there'll always be a square.
Yeah.
Well, again, they've got a fat wallet.
You've got to slim your wallet down.
The ladies know there's a big fat wallet back there.
Yeah, true.
It's fucked.
Sarah says neither. It's a handbag, but phone is back pocket. Phone in the back pocket a big fat wallet back there. Yeah, true. It's fucked. Sarah says neither.
It's a handbag, but phone is back pocket.
Phone in the back pocket?
Oh, no, no, no, never.
Sarah, that's madness.
You could sit on it and crack it.
Yeah, I go phone in back pocket all the time.
That's how girls were losing phones in the toilet so often, eh?
They'd have it in their back pocket and they'd pull their pants down
and it would do a back flip into the toilet.
Dustin says back pocket because no matter where I go,
I'll always do the pat down on the
three places the phone goes. Front right,
keys on the left, wallet in the right rear pocket. Me too.
Yeah, that pat.
Me too. So when I stand up before leaving
anywhere, I do the three place pat.
I make sure I'm packed and ready to go.
So there you go. Sense.
It's a man talking some bloody straight
common sense.
Well, I found an article.
Scientists are explaining why we wake up before our alarm.
This happens all the time today.
The devil is getting in our soul.
Oh, that's it.
You don't need to read this anymore.
I knew it.
I knew it.
I knew it.
That devil is Satan.
That devil is goddamn Satan.
After our souls at every turn.
This happens pretty much every day, I reckon.
If I'm in a good sleep pattern.
Yeah.
You'll go to bed.
I'll go to bed like 8.15, 8.30.
Oh, Jesus.
Or 8.45.
Must be nice.
Must be nice.
And then 4 o'clock I'll wake up.
Oh, must be nice.
Wow.
Even though my alarm's 4.40. Like this morning I was up at 4 o'clock I'll wake up. Oh, must be nice. Wow. Even though my alarm's 4.40.
Like this morning I was up at 4 o'clock because I looked at my watch.
I was like, not today.
4.40.
And then went back to sleep.
But even at the weekends I'll wake up.
I'll know it's around 4-ish.
Yeah, and then you're like, it's the weekend and you go back to sleep.
And you go back to sleep.
Do you do this when you like, because I obviously with my constant urination,
I get up to pee three times.
At least three times.
So last night was three times and every time you get up.
I had to take a poo in the middle of the night the other night.
Did you?
How weird is that when you had to take a poo?
The amount of times I've had to take a poo in the middle of the night.
It's so bizarre, right?
You sort of sit down and you're like, what the heck is this?
You get up and you're like, what the hell are you doing here?
Why did you get out of kilter?
Did you have a big barbecue or something?
I think it's because during the week we've been eating quite well.
Yeah, right.
And then the weekend's just a free-for-all.
Yeah, right.
And I think it was, yeah, it was like a Saturday going into Sunday
and I had a Friday night and Saturday night of like a big hot meaty meal.
Yeah, yum.
And my body was just like, I might need to get some of this out, I think.
Horrible.
Horrible.
Takes you so long to get back to sleep.
Yeah, it does.
Well, so scientists have explained that, yeah,
your body works really well with a routine and sleep.
And there's a protein called PER
that regulates your sleep-wake cycle.
Right.
And so the level of proteins,
they rise and fall throughout the day
and they peak in the evening.
They're low at night.
And then basically they will go off
just before you wake up.
What are they doing at around 4.30am
when we're getting up?
Because I think they still want to be sleeping.
Well, no, that's why they kick in.
Well, can we all be on the same team?
And like if they're up, can they start sorting everybody else out
before I have to wake up?
So they release.
They get their body going.
They get their brain warmed up.
So apparently they increase and usually happen around an hour
before your alarm is due to go off because we release stress hormones.
This is why, because I always, like I would say every night
I get up around three o'clock in the morning and I'll go,
because this is what I do.
I get up and I pay and I come back and I look at my phone,
which is sitting on the ground, I go, and I'll tap it.
I'm like, oh, it's midnight.
That's fantastic.
Four more hours.
And then I go, I'll go back to sleep and I'll get up
and I'll pee again.
I'll be like, oh no, and I'll tap it.
It's like two o'clock. I'm like, yes, two be like, oh, no, and I'll tap it and it's like 2 o'clock.
I'm like, yes, two more hours.
But it's the worst when you tap it and it's like 3.30.
You know, there's almost no point.
40 minutes is the worst.
I'm always getting up around 3.30.
Yeah, 40 minutes sucks.
40 minutes.
I don't know what it is.
About half an hour you're like, well, I think I probably could stay awake.
40 minutes you're like, I reckon I could get back to sleep,
get a little summit,
wake up again.
No, but then it's feverish.
Never, never, never.
It's fever.
I let five alarms go off
this morning.
I don't know how people...
No, I usually don't
during the week
because it's too dangerous
at the hour as we get up.
But this morning,
I just, yeah.
Yeah, there's a scientific reason.
Your body's... There always is, isn't there?...getting you ready to wake up. That's why. Science, I just, yeah. Yeah, there's a scientific reason. Your body's getting you ready to wake up.
That's why.
Science, law of the answers.
Just wait, body.
Wait for me to get up.
Quarter past seven.
I'm going to give you some hot tips on how to save $500 by Christmas,
which is only 47 days away.
46 days away.
Not long. Yeah. Not long.
Yeah, Christmas shopping.
Have you even thought about that yet?
Nope.
Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley.
Play ZM.
Fact of the day, day us from the, of course,
well-known and extremely high-selling book,
The Handbook of Medieval Sexuality.
Oh, my God.
Do you still have my copy?
I think I do.
I'll come pick that up
I think that's been in the Wickels top 100 for like
That's Barb's pics
Handbook of medieval sexuality
Now this is
There's a whole lot in here
Can you imagine what it was like
A thousand years ago
When people were just having a bit of a guess as to how it all worked
Yeah what's that?
Because there was nothing more goes in.
It goes in there, does it?
Fascinating.
Well, it was believed for a long time that it wasn't the womb
that held the baby but the stomach of the woman.
Oh, okay.
Now, it was also believed that it wasn't necessarily anything special
about the area other than somewhere warm for the seed, the male seed,
to rest and become a baby.
Right.
And they believed that little wee babies were in there.
Oh, so we didn't have the eggs.
No, it was nothing special on your behalf.
You were simply a vessel.
A host.
A host, if you will.
They knew that what happens on the man end of things always,
you know, that had to have happened.
Yes.
So they figured that must be where the little babies are.
And you are just providing a nest or a vessel.
Receiving it.
So they said they couldn't work out why then,
because it was not talked about, and of course it never happened,
but it was not really dealt with in this chapter that I read
about why a man then couldn't have a baby with another man
if it was just a nice warm place for it to chill out.
You know what I'm saying?
Yeah, right.
So maybe because, yeah,
maybe because there was no exiting from the stomach for the woman,
whereas it would be pushed out because, you know.
You're really having trouble.
I'm trying to get into the headspace of a medieval doctor.
You're tiptoeing.
However, let me read you this biological fact from this book.
Okay.
If a cat was to happen on some sage,
if a cat was to,
a male cat was to expel upon some sage,
and then a man was to eat some of this sage,
then cats would be generated in his stomach
and would have to be expelled by vomiting.
This is a cross-species, same-sex
generation of offspring.
They believed... So not only is he going to birth
a human cat, but he's gay with a
cat. Unbeknownst to him.
And he's going to vomit up the cat
human hybrid.
They just said it hadn't happened
because it hadn't happened.
But if it was to happen, it would.
So they put this to animals as well. They're like, well, the reason is a cat because it hadn't happened. Right. But if it was to happen, it would. Of course.
So they put this to animals as well.
They're like, well, the reason is like a cat only ever does that with a cat.
But if it was to do it with a donkey, you would have a cat-donkey hybrid.
Vaughn, why is this the fact of the day?
This is bizarre.
Today's fact of the day is in medieval times,
it was believed that a man could have kittens by vomiting them up.
Isn't that fascinating?
They literally believed
this is actually...
You think about how hard
it would have been
to get something printed
back in the day.
It's not like now.
You just don't like tap, tap, tap.
I'm a lunatic.
I'm on the internet.
Tap, tap, tap.
Here's something I think
the earth's flat.
Tap, tap, tap.
Publish.
Goes everywhere around the world.
This was in a printed book.
Someone had to like carve it into a tablet and then like roll it
through one of those like first ever printing presses.
Or copy it down by hand and then it had to be copied by hand
by the monks a thousand times over.
Do you remember eating an apple seed when you were a kid
and then crying because you thought a tree was going to grow inside of you?
Well, imagine eating sage if a cat had been
on a pond. One would be
vomiting kittens.
So today's fact of the day is
a man could have had kittens in the Middle Ages.
That's not the fact.
But he would have had to have vomited them up.
Fact of the
day, day, day,
day, day, day.
Speaking of spending money, nothing bloody amplifies the financial crunch
that we're going through at the moment than a festive season.
Everything about Christmas is expensive.
The food, you can't just eat a normal meal.
You can't just whip up a chicken thigh salad on a Christmas day.
It's always got to be some elaborate thing and gift giving,
travel often to go and see family.
It's all very expensive.
You've got to get a posh outfit for church.
Of course, you've got to look your absolute best.
That's always my most expensive part of Christmas.
I know.
Your Jesus birthday outfit.
Yes.
Yeah.
What are you going for this year?
Because last year you wore a little red suit, didn't you?
I did.
This year, arseless chaps.
Yes, I thought so.
Praise be.
Really shocked the New Plymouth congregation.
The congregation there.
Wow.
Goodness me.
God, he's from the big city, I think.
Bloody Jaffers coming down here in their arseless chaps.
Constantly down here in their arseless chaps.
Well, there is a financial
expert who has been sharing ways of
saving money
leading up to Christmas. There's your obvious
things, cutting back your
daily delights like your coiffees.
You know, maybe you need to take a leaf
out of producer
Jared's book and get a
Milky Bar sachet.
A Milky Bar Chino?
Milky Bar Chino.
Yeah.
But she said you could, so 500 bucks,
if you wanted to budget $500 for your gift spending, right?
Yeah.
You're doing, you know, a small one for the kids
and a something here and a something here.
$10 a day will do it.
From now until Christmas?
Yeah, essentially.
So you've got to cut back $10 a day
of what you would normally spend. Yeah. It'll get? Yeah, essentially. So you've got to cut back $10 a day of what you would normally spend.
Yeah.
It'll get you there, basically.
So that might be a coffee, for example.
A coffee.
So what do we say?
Because it's 46 days, so that's $460.
So close to $500.
If you put aside $10 a day,
transferred it from your account to some kind of savings,
you'd be at $500 by Christmas.
So when you go like, shoot, I need to save some money for presents,
you go, oh my God, it's going to cost hundreds.
But if you think about $10 a day,
it's perhaps a little bit more palatable in smaller chunks.
They also say suggesting things like Secret Santas.
Is she about to do a size up to the Crisco Christmas hat?
Sounds like she is.
Well, if you want to have a magical Christmas with Criscos.
Start now.
Yeah.
But it's December 29th.
I said start now.
I feel like I'm just recovering
from the last Christmas.
Start now.
I feel like that's,
yeah, that's a big one.
If, you know,
and times are,
you know, money's so tight
at the moment.
Times are tough.
I think you've got to
set those expectations
with everyone you're buying for.
I think so too.
Do a secret Santa.
You don't need to go spend heaps of money.
You really, really don't.
Like this year we've seed experience.
Minimum $8,000.
Minimum eight grand.
Yeah.
Just things like jib.
Oh, okay.
Yeah, right.
You've got a gift registry at Mitre 10.
Just jib.
Just jib and screws.
Just one sheet.
How much is one sheet of jib?
Oh, I don't know.
No one ever tends to buy just one sheet of jib.
I'm going to buy you one sheet of jib for Christmas.
Thank you.
How are you going to deliver it to me?
How much is that?
He'll have to go get one of those City Hop vans that he does when he's going to the hardware store.
Yeah, so they do have vans, actually.
I know.
All the way out west, you're going to drive it to me.
Yeah, well, he'll do a round trip.
He'll stop in at Mitre 10 Westgate.
I'll do a round trip, but I'll get charged per kilometre.
So this is, you know.
What kind of jib are you going to get me?
Well, I'll just get a normal.
What kind do you want?
Oh, what are we rocking?
I'll just get a normal wool one.
I'm not getting you a fancy waterline.
I'm not getting aqualined.
There's aqualine.
She wants a soundproof one
as well. Soundproof is good.
They're hard to get. Because the bathroom's
backing on to the lounge.
You don't want to hear plops.
You don't want plopty-ploops
while you're having a movie night. They won't tell me how much
one sheet of jib is.
As I said, nobody buys one sheet of jib.
Yeah, they buy heaps.
Well, you're only getting one. So jib for you.
If I wake up
on Christmas and there's not a little tractor, I will
absolutely hit the roof. Yeah.
Hey, she's also got some seven red flag
habits costing you too much
money as we head into the season. Oh, go, go.
One. Buy now, pay later trap.
Yeah, because they always end up paying more.
Too good to be true. Mindless
spending. $33.82 for a sheet.
Yeah, I thought it was around $30.
Such a cheap present.
You probably get it for less if you buy more.
Or no, I'm only getting you one.
But I've got a whole house to jib.
Get her two.
Give me two.
I'm getting you one.
I'm getting you one.
Not investing or investing irresponsibly.
I keep getting the notifications at my Sharesies wallet.
I've got money in my Sharesies wallet.
I don't have any.
Paying full price for items
that are regularly discounted.
Black Friday sales are on at the moment.
That's a really good time.
But don't buy it if you don't need it.
Don't buy it unless it was already on your list.
If you need to get someone a gift,
buy it now ahead of time
when there's huge sales are on.
But do your research
because we've talked about this over the years.
They will hike their prices leading up to Black Friday.
And then make it look like they've reduced the item when in fact they actually haven't that much.
Gotcha, gotcha.
Well, that's smart of them, I'll say.
Buying daily coffees is number five.
Leaving Christmas shopping until the last minute, number six.
And finally, not bothering to ring around insurance,
phone and utility providers for better deals.
Oh, yeah, always be looking for a better deal.
Always be looking for a better deal.
Well, you could save a bit on your power.
Yeah, there you go.
Yeah, your internet.
I reckon Secret Santa, $20 budget for everyone you know.
Easy.
You could do fun things or craft something.
Unless you get the dud one when they do the Secret Santa draw.
Yeah.
Don't want that.
Who got me?
I don't know.
Can we talk about the Secret Santa here for work?
We're using a new technology.
Draw a name.
It's like this randomised computer thing and then it's like make a wish list
and I had to put it on my email.
I better not get spammed.
Oh, you're getting spammed.
I changed my wish list
because the bracket
was $10 to $30 or something.
I changed it to $100 plus
and went through
and selected
only the finest things.
As a joke
for whoever gets me
as a secret sender
they're going to be like
I can't afford this.
I can't afford this.
But it's all I want.
Because it's a minimum
$20 spend. Yeah, so they should be spending $1,000 on me. I don't think this. I can't afford this. But it's all I want. Because it's a minimum $20 spend.
Yeah, so they should be spending $1,000 on me.
I don't think they will be.
I better not start getting emails for all the stuff that I ticked.
Are you 100% well?
Oh, for Christ's sake.
Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley.
Do you know what I've been loving at the moment from hangovers or recently?
Natchez Blue Powerade.
Coconut water.
Love it. Oh, yeah.
I reckon it's the key.
It's healing, isn't it?
Yeah.
Have I?
Correct.
Really?
Correct.
It's really high in potassium.
Coconut.
Coconut.
Coconut.
It's high in coconut.
That's what it is.
And water.
Those are the two main ingredients of coconut water. When you're sick. Electrolytes. Electrolytes. Electrolytes, yeah's this stuff? Those are the two manigrees. What's this stuff when you're sick?
Electrolytes.
Electrolytes.
Electrolytes, yeah.
Is it iron amino acids as well?
I don't know.
Yeah, sure.
Probably all the acids.
Is that seriously on your list?
Niacin?
Yep.
Yes, sir.
Yes, it is.
Wow.
Scientists have put together a special combination of things that are good for you when you're
in a poor state, when you're feeling poorly.
Dominoes.
Eggs.
Eggs is not on the list.
Oh, it's got to be eggs for me.
First of all, coffee's not good because the thing that sorts out your hangover,
coffee inhibits it.
Oh, right.
Yeah, because it dehydrates you, right?
No, it's a different thing.
I found it down here.
See, I was happy just to say the thing.
Now you've got to make me pronounce.
It reduces the activity of aldehyde dehydrogenase,
which helps break down the acidity.
Acidity.
I do love a coffee when I'm hungover with breakfast.
So you're saying you shouldn't do the coffee.
If you're looking for a drink,
you make yourself a special mix of coconut water,
lime juice, and pears.
Yum!
Doesn't that sound good?
Pear juice.
Fresh.
Pear juice.
Yeah.
How do you do it?
Pear pulp, take the middle out. Oh, yeah. Make it nice and thick. Pea juice. Yeah. How do you do it? Pea pulp. Take the middle out.
Oh, yeah.
Make it nice and thick.
You can juice up a pear.
Like a pear coconut smoothie.
Oh, my God.
That sounds so yum.
Doesn't it sound refreshing and delicious?
Yeah, that does sound good.
Stomach that one.
Oh, well, I've got three benders in a row this weekend.
We've got a massive weekend. We've got a massive weekend. Then prepare a small
meal of cheese,
tomatoes,
and cucumber.
Oh yeah, yeah, yeah.
Like a little Greek salad.
And all of those
ingredients individually
help hangovers.
They would lessen your hangover quicker.
Because they're very quenching.
Like cucumbers, just water.
Tomatoes, very watery.
Yep.
With some acid for breaking down stuff.
Acid.
Cheese is fatty.
Cheese just sort of like makes you feel good.
Cheese does make you feel good.
Cheese does.
How good's like a halloumi?
Cheese will make you feel good.
Rewriting the Ghostbusters theme on the go there.
Cheese will make you feel good. Who you gonna call? Cabin Bird. Bada, bada, bada. Rewriting the Ghostbusters theme on the go there. Cheers and make a family.
Who you gonna call?
Cabin Bird.
Woo, woo.
Yeah.
How good's some halloumi when you're hungover?
No.
Yes.
Squeaky.
No, it's so young.
I love it.
There's this halloumi with chili.
Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes.
Who makes that?
And it's got like gold.
What about a havarti with chilli?
Come on.
Yeah, havarti's great, mate.
It's got its place, but not at a breakfast table.
It's halloumi.
I had halloumi at any given opportunity.
I'm doing a halloumi.
Okay, well, there we go.
So the recipe for your hangover cure, coconut water.
Coconut water, lime and pear in a drink,
whizzed up.
Mixed up.
Delicious.
And a small meal of cheese, tomatoes and cucumber.
Okay.
I can feel that that would help me.
Yeah.
That'd be yum.
Does it say how much lime?
Cherry tomatoes.
No.
I've got plans Thursday night, Friday night, Saturday night, Sunday night.
I am going.
I am going. I am going.
I'm going to go to the supermarket.
I'm going to get ready.
Yeah.
Get a little platter.
Yeah.
And I'm going to fill it up with dominoes.
Just the pizza shoved in your mouth.
Play ZM's Fletch for the Nelly.
Play ZM. Gina Penelope the Nailie. Play ZM.
Gina Penelope.
What a name.
That's a TikTok user.
Gina Penelope.
I mean, it is two first names.
That's all right, though.
A bit greedy.
She posted a video over the weekend
admitting that she once used the combined powers
of LinkedIn and seduction
to find herself some legal work.
So she
found a guy on LinkedIn
and she needed some legal advice.
She couldn't afford it at the time. So she was looking
on LinkedIn for a lawyer in her area that could
help her. Then she
found out where he worked and then
this is actually really a bit
stalkerish. Found out where he worked and then
kept deliberately bumping into him
for a week straight at a local
Starbucks that she found out he
went to. She stalked him?
So she sort of stalked him and would be catching
eyes with him all the time. Clever girl.
I know, until
he kind of noticed her. I will say
she's extremely beautiful.
Oh, yeah, beautiful people, yeah.
Extremely
beautiful. Yeah, I wasn't picturing her as anything else.
Yeah.
She looks like Dua Lipa.
Right.
She's so beautiful.
Anyway, so then he, you know, bump in, bump in, oh, my God, you're here all the time.
And then he asked her out on a date, dated for about a month,
at which point he began helping her out with the legal advice that she needed,
just as a boyfriend.
Wow, okay.
I know, and she
as a result, got her legal
procedure resolved with
this free information she had from this guy.
Which I'm
assuming would have cost her thousands of
dollars. Thousands of dollars. Right.
And then they didn't work out after that.
Oh, just, of course.
Wow.
Isn't this amazing?
So some people are like, this is truly inspiring and very unsettling.
She honey trapped him like a spy would do.
She did.
Someone, another person commented saying this should be a movie plot.
I agree.
Like actually could be.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Stories like this make me realise.
But it depends on what sort of legal help she wanted.
If it was just she had a couple of questions regarding her employment contract, that's a pretty boring yeah. Yeah. But it depends on what sort of legal help she wanted. If it was just she had a couple of questions regarding her employment contract,
that's a pretty boring movie.
Yeah, but if she's like, now there's a body in my garage.
I'm going to need some legal advice on what to do with this.
You're seeing someone for like a week and they're like, hey.
Yeah.
Well, I got you.
Also funny if she seduced him and it wasn't his area of law.
You know, like there's different areas.
He's a property lawyer.
Yeah.
Yeah.
It's like when I made a great GST joke to an accountant,
but they weren't that sort of accountant.
Yeah, right.
Are they not?
I thought they did all of that.
Nah, you bet they don't.
Famously.
Oh, okay.
In fact, he knew less about GST than I did.
Oh dear, you don't want that.
No, you don't.
Anyway, a bunch of people jumped on as well and said,
I've had a similar experience.
One woman revealed I needed a lawyer, so I found one on Tinder.
It's clever.
And then some dude's lying about being a lawyer.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
How embarrassing.
And all of a sudden he's getting messages from a hot chick,
and he's like, okay, this is working.
And then he's in a court of law, and they're sitting down,
and he leans over to her, and he's like, I'm not actually.
Yeah.
I just wanted a shag.
You're crazy.
Anyway, she made the most of the perks of dating this guy
and I wanted to know if you have ever dated someone
and there were perks to it.
Right.
So for me, it would be like I wish I got together with a builder.
Oh, yeah.
You know what I mean?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
So you're not looking for people that have hunted down dentists, lawyers.
If that's the case, I would love to know.
But also, just what was your perk from dating someone?
My wife's perk to dating me is how many free chippies I bring home.
Yes.
How many we always get sent new bags of chippies.
Aaron's perk of dating me is our house is full of candles.
And he's always like, another candle.
I'm like, they smell so good, Aaron.
More candles.
You don't even need to light these ones.
You just take the lid off.
But like, what about producer Jared?
The middy's a dental assistant.
Well, yeah.
And you date a dentist.
You're getting all the free fillings, aren't you?
Date a gynecologist.
Free pap smear.
They are free anyway.
They are free anyway, so.
But you know, while you're down there.
Should you be mixing business with pleasure if you're a gynecologist?
You absolutely shouldn't.
Surely you would recommend.
And also, he comes home and you're like, who have you been looking at today?
Whose vaginas have you seen this morning?
Seen one better than this?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Seen one better than this.
I don't want you looking at my vagina today.
You probably looked at a much more beautiful one.
Yeah, I don't want you coming home telling me any stories about the beautiful vaginas you've seen.
You know that argument would happen.
Absolutely.
You're drunk and she's out of ammo and she's like, well,
you spent all day looking at other vaginas. How do you think that makes me
feel?
Alright,
so 0800 dials at M9696.
The perks of
dating your partner, what are they?
Or just someone that you dated even for a short
while and you reaped
the rewards. Dating someone that works for an airline? D while. Yeah. And you reaped the rewards.
Dating someone that works for an airline.
Dating someone at a bar. Staff travel.
A bar.
Free drinks.
Free drinks.
They'd never be home though because they'd be always working at night.
Perfect for me.
We want to know if you ever dated someone that came with some perks.
Or maybe dating someone that comes with some perks.
Like they're a dentist.
A doctor.
I'm imagining a doctor gives you free prescriptions, right?
Are you allowed to just...
I don't think they can just give you pills.
Is your wife allowed to be your patient?
Not anymore.
No, no.
Not anymore because of red tape and PC madness.
Yeah.
But a woman ended up dating a guy so that she could get some free legal advice.
And then once she had it, she...
She bounced.
Ditched him.
We want to know
if you've got a similar story.
Some messages in.
So many.
I used to date someone
that worked at Mitre 10.
Staff discount was amazing.
Easily 30 to 50%.
Oh, God.
Do they do a price match
if staff at Bunnings
get it cheaper?
If you're dating
one from each hardware store.
Oh, my God.
Imagine that.
Play them off against each other.
Would you date someone from ITM?
Placemakers?
Pretty bad.
Just a bit.
A bit limited.
Yeah.
A bit straight.
A bit like, oh, right, okay.
Purchase something.
Yeah, right.
I dated a mechanic for a little bit.
Got the brake pads sorted in my car.
Got a few things sorted.
That was nice.
Broke up a few days later for genuine reasons,
but everyone at work just thought I'd had my car fixed,
so I'd broken up with them.
Wow.
You know what?
There's a lot of people saying chefs.
They date chefs, and the perks are 20 kgs plus.
Oh, God, it would be so good.
All right, keep your texts coming in. 9696, your dating perks. 20kgs plus Oh god It would be so good Alright
Keep your texts coming in
9696
Your dating perks
0800DARLS
And then we'll get to your calls
Next as well
Talking right now
About the
The dating perks
That you've had
Yes
A woman dated a lawyer
And got some free legal advice
I
Want to build a boyfriend
Or a A masseuse.
Oh.
Or like a brow specialist.
But would it be like any job?
They get home after a hard day.
Yeah, they want to come home and rub you up.
Maybe they do.
Not specifically to you.
They just don't want to come home.
Why?
Why do you think someone wouldn't want to rub me up?
I'm sure they'd love to rub you up.
But they've just had nine to five of rubbing other people up.
The last thing they want to get.
Carpal tunnel.
Yeah.
Well.
All right, well, we're taking your calls.
What was the dating perk, Fona?
Anushka?
Well, it was my mate, actually.
He went on a date with a speech and language therapist.
Went on a few, actually,
and then had a speech impediment,
fixed it, and then ghosted. A speech and language therapist? Was on a few actually, and then had a speech impediment, fixed it, and then ghosted.
A speech and language therapist?
Was this a coincidence, or did he
hunt out someone to, what kind of speech
impediment did he have?
He just had like a bit of a stutter, and also
like rolled his eyes a little bit. Right.
But like, yeah, it felt like he could have
fixed it himself, but I mean,
go to an expert, right? Yeah, but did he
know that this speech and language therapist was a speech and language therapist, go to the next bit, right? Yeah, but did he know that this speech and language
therapist was a speech and language therapist
and that's why he dated her? Yeah.
Oh, wow.
And then he ghosted her.
Yeah, well, I mean, awful
to say, but like, he'd gotten
at sex, right? So he was like,
that was kind of...
When he left, did he go,
abri, abri, abri, abri? That's all, folks.
Born, span, born, born.
I'm so sorry, Anushka.
Anushka, thanks for your call.
Hannah, what about you?
What perks did you get?
I have dated many farmers and had my freaks, my freaks are full of meat.
Yeah.
I thought you were going to say many farmers and had my freak matched.
You were like freak.
I thought, um, I thought farmers, you just getting like 10% off like furniture and homewares and red dot specials.
Oh, yeah.
That would also be good.
Your bendons.
The department store.
Yeah, yeah.
No, give me, give me all the roasts and venison and lamb chops.
Yeah, but aren't they busy in the mornings
and then come home absolutely stinking of cow poops?
Yeah, yeah, a little bit, but I'm kind of into it.
Yeah, it is a bit hot.
Hayley didn't want any of my home kill mints.
I offered her some and she said that it's too rich.
Too rich.
Oh, yeah, yeah.
Give me strength. I need my meat watered said that it's too rich. Too rich. Oh, yeah, yeah. Give me strength.
I need my meat watered down a bit in a factory.
In a supermarket.
Game washed out of it.
Thanks, you're cool.
Hannah, Sam, what was your dating perk?
Well, it was a girl that dated me.
Ran about a month out from her Warren's Fitness every year.
She used to start hanging around and going on a couple of dates
and then she'd get a warrant
and then just disappear
and about a week after that,
but all of a sudden,
five months later,
she would turn back up at the scene.
What kind of shitbox was she driving?
Like, were you having to spend
any money on repairs?
Because what's a warrant?
40 bucks?
A couple of repairs as well.
So, yeah, there was a little bit of money behind it.
Sam, you're a sucker.
How many times?
You keep saying she kept coming back.
How many times did you let her do this?
Oh, a couple of years.
Yeah, you're a sucker, Sam.
Yeah, but you were getting what you wanted as well.
He was getting something out of it as well.
Yeah, I know.
She sounds hot.
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
I was charging her a nally, right.
I bet you were. I absolutely Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. I was charging her nearly, right.
I bet you were.
I absolutely bet you were.
Amazing, Sam.
Thanks for your call.
Some messages in.
I dated a Sparky.
He completely rewired my 1920s villa.
Yes.
Oh, yeah.
But he did it for free, but he was a dick.
So technically, I still paid.
Oh, okay. In my opinion, I paid because I gave him some of my time.
Plant scientist here.
My perk is that I can keep your houseplants alive.
God, I need that so bad.
Are they free this weekend?
I don't know.
For a lovely wine and dine?
I dated a teacher and got my kids into a private school
and I broke up with him and the school fired him.
What?
That's not a whole thing.
That's terrible.
It's like if you're a teacher at a private school,
do you get a few like vouchers to get to friends?
You get a cheaper education.
Do you?
Yeah.
They can get in there, but it's cheaper.
It's like a perk.
But they don't have to be your kids.
Could they be?
Yeah, I don't know.
Your nieces and nephews or something.
Yeah, maybe.
Accountants are good to date in the current climate.
Are they though?
They'll be like, let's go out for dinner.
They'll be like, excuse me, there's only $12 in the spreadsheet.
What would they say?
Would they say there's something like, there's mints in the fridge.
Jeez, how boring would it be with someone who would say something like that.
How boring.
Someone who would be like, let's go out for dinner.
And they're like, I've got chicken.
I've got chicken at home.
There is chicken.
There was chicken in the fridge at time, guys.
Accountants always have mints in the fridge.
You are an accountant without the perks of knowing how to get people out of financial strife.
Yeah.
Dated an optometrist, got free eye test glasses and contact lenses,
and then we broke up.
Aww.
But you can finally see someone better and someone hotter.
I'm dating a geologist.
The house was full of rocks.
The house is full of rocks.
And terrible schist puns nonstop.
Oh, wait a minute.
Did you guys say perks?
Amazing.
The attitude on this one.
Great lass.
Yeah.
Someone dated a digger driver,
got him to dig out two paddocks full of bamboo
for my parents on a place they purchased.
It was going to cost over $16,000 to get it professionally done.
And we only had to pay for the diesel, the digger.
So it cost us under a grand.
Soon after the bamboo was cleared, the relationship began.
So was the romance.
But you imagine your daughter's dating someone and he's a bit of a dick,
but he's going to clear your paddocks and save you $16,000.
And she's like, I'm going to break up with him.
Just wait.
Just wait.
Please wait.
Just wait.
Because you know, bamboo, if we don't get it all now, it's going to come back.
Play.
ZDM's Fletch Vaughan and Hayley.
Yesterday I arrived home and I was greeted by my lovely wife.
She is lovely.
She's lovely.
She was folding washing.
That's hot.
Yeah, she was doing some washing folding and she was sat on.
She sits to fold.
I prefer to stand at a table.
No, I love to sit and fold.
I sit on the floor and watch something.
Oh, see, I'm not a floor sitter.
I can't sit on the floor.
It's the back.
It's the tight hands. It's the quads.
I just thought of sit on the floor
leg combo. Right. Tight buttocks.
Big, tight, round buttocks.
Big, strong.
It's huge and it's strong and it's curvy
and it's delicious, but it's not stretchy.
So I prefer to stand at the table. Anyway,
she sat down. She's watching
something. I say, what are you watching? And she
said, I'm watching the Selena Gomez documentary.
And she pauses it.
And I was like, is this an old one or a new one?
And she's like, it just came out.
And I said, is it any good?
And she said, it is.
So I said, well, I want to watch it too.
How far into it are you?
And she's like, not far, 10 minutes maybe.
I was like, all right, catch me up while I make something to eat.
So I was making something to eat.
And she just kind of caught me up real quick on the first 10 minutes.
And then we sat down and we watched it.
And I must say,
a very moving sort of behind the scenes
at what her life has entailed.
Yeah.
A kind of,
so the guy that directed it
made the video for Hands to Myself
into the Selena Gomez song.
Can't get my hands on myself.
Yeah, that song.
She does it slightly better than me.
Oh, my God.
It's.
Get my hand on my cell.
It's the fourth, fifth, the fifth Gib.
High praise, high praise.
So the guy that directed that was just kind of like,
wow, she's behind the scenes, this very frank, honest, open person.
What a fascinating person to make a documentary about.
So I started making it around about then, like in 2015.
Right.
And it's kind of followed around.
Kind of follows around.
It ends, the end of it's kind of like COVID started,
maybe like the end of 2020 is when I feel like it ended.
And yeah, it's just come out.
It was on Apple Plus. That's where we watched it yesterday. And yeah, it's just come out. It was on Apple Plus.
That's where we watched it yesterday.
Everyone's just saying it's really sad and depressing.
Yeah, because you jumped on the chat and said,
oh my God, I'm watching this documentary.
And I said, pause everything.
And I watched it too, late into the night.
Yeah.
I was like, holy moly.
It kind of covered, because she's got lupus,
which is an autoimmune disorder.
And that just like, there's days where she can't open a bottle of water
because her hands are so sore.
Yeah.
She's just continually tired.
She suffers from bipolar disorder.
Her organs shut down.
So she had a kidney removed.
She had a kidney transplant.
And it's just all about her mental wellbeing.
And I tell you what,
I got the feeling she hates being famous.
Yeah.
But it's just that like expected.
I think she loves,
it was like she loves the art of it, right?
Like she loves making music and entertaining people,
but she hates the, she hates being famous.
The constant.
Oh, it'd be horrible.
Oh, it'd be absolutely horrible.
She's the happiest.
She looks, she goes to Kenya at one stage to work with a charity.
Yeah.
And it's about the happiest she's ever looked.
Is it because nobody knows her over there?
They kind of know of her and she talks to them about, and I know it's about the happiest she's ever looked. Is it because nobody knows her over there? They kind of know of her
and she talks to them about
and oh I know
it's really cute
the kids that she goes
and visits at the African
at the Kenyan school
are like
we did a talent show
last year
and we sang you a song
and they start singing
a song to her.
And you can just tell
she's really taken by that
but like
a harrowing watch
at what goes into
the life of someone
that you think is just living the dream.
Yeah, right.
You know, when she's just constantly hounded about the Justin Bieber relationship
and then when she releases a song and does the press tour around it,
it's just like we meet musicians when they come and they get dragged in
and they get a thousand interviews in their time in New Zealand
and you get 10 minutes with them
and they're being rushed around
and you think,
man,
the rock and roll lifestyle.
Horrible.
Oh, yeah.
Horrible.
She gets five minutes
with each person
and every person
just wants to know
about the Justin Bieber connection
to the song she's promoting.
It's,
yeah,
I would recommend it as a watch
just to see,
I don't know,
and just to,
yeah,
it'll definitely make you
think twice about wanting to be famous bad mouthing bad mouthing celebrities yeah for
choosing to do things a certain way such a good look into mental health right because
totally it's sort of where it ends is her going i want to do more i want to be more than just
a pop star and she wants wants to implement like an education,
like a, what do you call it?
Like a, what do you call it?
Like a module or something?
Yeah, a curriculum.
She wants to add it to the school curriculum that, you know,
she said it's interesting when you're at kindergarten,
it's all how are you?
And like, what is, what is, how's your mood reflected in this?
Like, are you sad or are you happy?
And you talk about it and then you get to primary school
and it's like, stop.
Yeah.
But it's, you know, it should evolve and grade up like maths does.
Maths is very simple at the end and then it gets more complicated
and as do emotions and feelings and, you know, the mental health.
Yeah, it's a lot to watch.
Is that on Apple?
Yes.
Apple TV. Yes. But I think it's a lot to watch. Is that on Apple? Yes. Apple TV.
Yes.
But I think...
Selena Gomez, my mind,
and I think it's just interesting to see
what she went through as a teenager
and, you know,
maybe to apply it to teenagers,
you know, in real life.
Yeah.
It's a good watch.
It's our hot recommend.
Well, Ashton Kutcher has,
he's one of the celebrities that ran the New York Marathon.
A whole lot of them did, didn't they?
Yeah, and I loved it.
The top Google searches,
because I was like Ashton Kutcher,
and then it was like marathon time.
Yeah.
What was it?
What was it? People are wanting to see like how fast the celebs did.
He did three hours, 54 minutes and one second.
Beat him.
Beat him.
Did you?
How much did you beat him by?
I mean, you weren't doing the New York marathon.
No, which is flatter.
Flatter than the Auckland marathon.
I did three hours, 34.
Oh, you're bad.
You're bad.
Oh, you were quick.
Did you raise millions of dollars for charity, though?
World charity?
How much money did you raise?
No, but I beat them.
So eat my dust.
Yeah, eat my shorts.
Don't eat my shorts.
They were absolutely shambles.
Oh, I bet they'd be bloody half-soiled.
Sometimes they have a little mid-run wee.
Who cares?
What's sweat?
What's wee?
It's hard to tell at that stage of the game, isn't it?
It really is.
Who else ran it?
I heard it was quite warm and there was a few people who passed out.
TJ Holmes. He's a Good Morning America
anchor. Ellie Kemper, who's Unbreakable
Kenny Smith. She did
5 hours 17.
What did she walk her?
Fallen. She laughed, I didn't laugh.
No, I'm always like blown
away when someone takes that long
because it must just be so hard to keep moving for that long.
I also laugh.
I've never run more than like eight kilometres in my life.
Yeah.
I can't.
Lauren Ridloff, an actress from The Walking Dead,
four hours, five minutes.
Wow.
Olympic gold medalist in hockey, Megan Duggan, three hours, 52.
I beat a gold medalist?
A former bachelor did it.
One of the bachelors
Matt James
3 hours 46
Beat him
An Olympic gold medalist
In cross country skiing
Merit Bonjean
She did 3 hours and 8 minutes
You didn't beat her
You didn't beat her
She beat me
Do you remember
Was this the same marathon
The New York marathon
Was it Katie
Who did they say cheated, that was it Katie Holmes?
Who did they say cheated?
It was Katie Holmes.
Katie Holmes.
Took the subway or something, didn't she?
A little winch.
Did Katie Holmes cheat marathon time?
Did Katie Holmes run the full course?
And, yeah, some people just believe she didn't.
Somebody said Ashton Kutcher's 44.
How old were you when you did yours?
Okay, okay.
Yeah, how old were you?
Yeah, how old were you?
Everyone calm down.
Well, you're not 44 years.
Yeah, okay.
Wow.
But isn't it actually easier to run marathons when you get a little bit older?
Yeah, because you've got everything hurts.
Have you met my knees?
I don't believe that at all.
True.
Wow.
Yeah, people accused her of getting someone else to run it for her.
Yeah, didn't Katie Holmes back in the day.
Was that the one where she jumped on a subway or something?
Yeah.
Or jumped in a car and then somebody did the middle bit.
It'd be pretty cool later to be running a marathon
and then to just sort of be like running past and be like.
It's Ashton Kutcher.
It's Ashton Kutcher.
Yeah.
It'd be so weird.
Yeah. Like a be so weird. Yeah.
Like a celebrity in the wild.
I'm trying to think if I've ever seen a celebrity in the wild.
I used to see.
We saw Hilary Barry at Gilmore's.
Oh, yeah.
She loves a bulk buy.
She loves a bulk buy.
She was bulk buying up a storm, wasn't she?
She was.
She's got hungry lads at home.
Oh, boy, that was a few years ago when they were all still at home too.
Growing the bees.
Loves to feed.
Yeah.
I would love to take some calls when you've seen a celebrity doing a normal person thing.
Yeah.
How many people have seen me pick my nose?
I'm a big car nose picker.
Absolutely picker.
Yeah.
But what about seeing a celebrity wet?
What do you mean?
You never see celebrities wet and then you see them at the beach
or at a pool and they're wet.
And you're like, oh, my God, you get wet too?
That's wild.
It is weird, yeah.
I sort of thought someone would keep you dry.
Yeah.
Shouldn't you be?
Someone be toweling you or something?
You're very wet.
Okay, well, I want to take some calls.
Oh, 800-DARZITY.
Maybe you've seen a wet celebrity.
Or like a dirty newsreader.
Because they're always prim and proper.
Imagine seeing Simon Dallow with some dirt on his face.
Oh, yeah.
What about at the hairdressers, you know, with a cape on, looking like an idiot?
Yeah.
Because capes make you look so stupid.
0800-DARZIDEM.
When have you seen a celebrity doing normal people things?
Out and about.
Celebrity out in the wild.
In the wild.
Maybe you were running a marathon and you saw Ashton Kutcher.
Maybe.
It'd make you run faster, wouldn't it?
Yeah, because you'd be like, I want to beat Ashton Kutcher.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Do they do their own lawns?
No.
Imagine if you were just going for a walk around the suburbs
and you saw someone mowing their lawns, a celeb mowing their lawns.
Yeah, maybe.
Well, marathon runners at the New York Marathon at the weekend
got to see Ashton Kutcher.
Treat themselves to a...
Yeah.
It's a pretty good time.
Yeah, we raised a lot of money, did, what, just under four hours marathon time.
But we're talking about those times when you just see a celebrity
doing a normal person's thing.
Because people have just said it was weird,
they're just running along and they see Ashton Kutcher. Yeah, I know. Like a big a celebrity doing a normal person's thing. Because people have just said it was weird that it's running along and they see Ashton
Kutcher. Yeah, I know. Like a big C-Lab
doing a marathon. Imagine
doing a marathon and then
Elio Kipchoge runs past
you. You know the guy who ran it almost
sub two? Yeah. The world record
guy. I don't even think there would
be a chance he would be able to run past
you. You'd be like gone.
Unless it's laps.
Yeah.
And then he'd lap you five times.
So many messages coming in.
I saw Michelle Rodriguez at the old Corny Place movie.
She sat down in the middle and there's some people who told her to move
because she was sitting in their seats.
And she just like looked at them with that Michelle Rodriguez look.
She went to Reading Cinemas.
What did I?
Yeah, that's the Corny Place one.
Yeah, was she filming?
When was she here filming?
What was she filming? Don't know. Was she weird to see someone who's in the movies going to the movies? Yeah, that's the corny place one. Yeah, was she filming? When was she here filming? What was she filming?
Don't know.
Was she weird to see someone who's in the movies going to the movies?
Yeah, it is.
Yeah.
I was at the USS Arizona Memorial in Hawaii and Snoop Dogg was there.
Of course.
Going to see the memorial in Hawaii from Pearl Harbor.
Imagine seeing Snoop Dogg in the wild.
It would be absurd.
It would be so wild.
He seems like a fictional character.
Yeah.
When I lived in London, I was getting petrol one day
and Hugh Laurie was getting petrol beside me
at the Shepherd's Bush BP.
That's cool.
Do you reckon he stacks his discounts?
Absolutely stacks his discounts.
I saw John Campbell at the hairdresser once in a cape
and he had wet hair.
Does this count as a wet celebrity?
I mean,
it's getting there,
isn't it?
All right.
We're talking about
when you've seen celebrities
in the wild.
What were they doing?
Were they wet?
You want to know
if they were wet.
I was at a gym once
and Nelson Mandela
came in
and started walking
next to me on the treadmill.
As if.
Granny.
I don't know
if I believe that. Standing in't know if I'd leave that.
Standing in a queue
to disembark a plane
and then next to me
was Michael J. Fox
just queuing up.
Oh my God.
Wow.
But I'm imagining
dry as a bone.
My wife and I
saw Madonna
at a kid's playground
in Regent's Park in London.
That was weird.
That would have been
a while ago.
She's too crazy
to be in playgrounds
at the moment.
Yeah, she'd be
absolutely watched
carefully as she was
I was in a bookshop in London
And I was like who's that handsome boy
Looking at books and it was Jake Gyllenhaal
I saw
Adrian Brody walking around Oriental Parade
Wellington with no shirt on
Now was he wet?
He may have been wet
Can we get a moisture reading on him please?
Oriental Bay it's the beach, right?
Yeah.
I served Susie Cato at Hellenstein's a couple of years ago.
When she left, I said, see you, see you later.
Oh, don't do that.
Don't do that.
Don't do that.
I may or may not have used to live next to Wendy Petra,
and I once saw her pegging her.
I've seen her pegging her washing out once or twice
and maybe even in her dressing gown.
Okay.
My brother and sister
live in LA
and Natalie Portman
came to their house
trick-or-treating.
What?
Had my arm and arm
to herself.
Open the door,
there she is.
Take all the lollies.
Who else have we got here?
I saw Ben Hurley
getting a kebab
on Cuba Street. I'm not sure
if that's a rare occurrence. He just
made an absolute bloody beeline for that kebab
store. He loves a kebab. He loves a kebab. Was he wet?
No. No
moisture reading on that one.
Okay. No moisture reading on that one.
I went living in London. I was walking
in the suburbs, not paying attention. I nearly walked
into Sir Paul McCartney!
The Beatle.
I saw Fletch at Les Mills working on Dat Bod
and he was moist.
He was a bit wet, wasn't he?
I don't know if that one counts.
Was he a bit wet?
Was he a bit moist?
I got into an elevator in Honolulu
and the other occupant was none other than
the Magnum PI himself, Tom Satter.
Oh, I'd freak.
That must have done.
I'd give him a little kiss.
I saw Savage. This is Savage, the New Zealand rapper,
get bowled over by a wave at Motowai.
He was very wet.
We finally got our first wet celebrity.
Great, he was.
Fantastic.
I saw Laura Daniels working at the Lido Pools in Palmerston North.
She got wet.
Wow.
There's another wet celebrity.
Plenty of celebrities getting wet. When my son was
a baby nine years ago, we were in the same baby
swim class as Tony Street. Wet.
Wet. Yes. Okay.
That should have been the final winner. You've seen a famous person
wet.
Well, congratulations to you, podcast
listeners. You've reached the end. So, I would
assume if you've listened all this way through, you're
either asleep, in which case, wake up! Or you enjoyed it. So I would assume if you've listened all this way through you're either asleep in which case
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