ZM's Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley - Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley Podcast - 8th September 2022

Episode Date: September 7, 2022

Vas Chat  Highest Paid Jobs  Top 6: Space Rice  Silly Little Poll!  Rhys Mathewson! Bet I Can Guess Your Mums Name  Fact of the Day Day Day Day Daaaaay!See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

The ZM Podcast Network. We've been doing all this late night talking. Hello, welcome to the Fleets, Vaughan and Hayley podcast. It's thanks to McCafe. Download, scan and play the Monopoly game at Maccas to be in to win. I'm just in the middle of buying a present for somebody. A gift to pass some time. Okay.

Is somebody stuck in isolation? No, not isolation. Although they're kind of time. Okay. Is somebody stuck in isolation? No, not isolation. Although they're kind of isolating. Right. They're having a procedure and they're going to be at home for a little while and decided to go for the most annoying thing in the world and it's one of those circular puzzles

that's all the same colour. Yeah, so the only way to do it right is one piece. Like one piece just fits one bit. Effectively, yes. But sometimes the pieces fit, but they're not the right piece. Or do they not? But maybe on a total one-color puzzle, they make sure that every piece is completely different.

I saw on the box, there's one centerpiece that's completely different. It doesn't even look like a puzzle piece. So you start from the center. It looks circular, eh? I think you collect the outside and then get the middle and then from there

I'll say, fuck no. Good fucking luck to you. Good fucking luck to you. Is the person that you're buying the puzzle for one of the most

stubborn people I know? Yes. So they'll probably go insane trying to solve it. Because I'd be like, well, screw this. I don't like puzzles anyway I don't care

Whereas if you had to finish a puzzle And it was all black And all round That would drive you insane It would really test you They won't give up though will they If I was given this puzzle I'd cancel everything

You've got a deep disappointment Not today Satan I have a puzzle to complete that seems like a cruel gift Vaughn yeah right it's horrible it's truly horrible did you go for all black

or all white all white there was a silver option there's a black option there's a white option we could just keep taunting this person every birthday or Christmas

with a different colour send them another piece just take one piece out of the box. And then just send them. You can't do that to people. Send them some rogue pieces. That's so evil. You're an evil, evil man.

Yeah, I mean, I could easily be a supervillain, but I just can't be bothered, you know. You're too lazy to be a supervillain or a superhero. Too much admin. A bit lazy for me. I've got so much paperwork nowadays. ZM's Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley. You're a superhero, aren't you? Too much admin. A bit lazy for most of them. I've got so much paperwork nowadays. Thank you, Sam. Good morning.

Welcome to the show, Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley. Happy Thursday morning. Happy Thursday. And I'm guessing Rita Ora's just got some spare time. I'm just making sure she wants to come and see the boyf slash perhaps husband as he works on the Time Bandits. You know. At this rate, she'll be playing R&B.

Not a bad get. Wouldn't be a bad get, would it? Not a bad get. Not a bad get at all. Not a bad get. Got a get get. Not a bad get. Not a bad get. Pretty good get. Not Not a bad get. Not a bad get.

Pretty good get. Not a baguette. Got to get that. Baguette. Baguette. Now I want bread. Bread. Breed.

Breed. Breeding. Breeding. She's expecting a baby. This is a pregnancy announcement. That's why she's coming. We got there from that. Yep.

Amazing. She's coming. Cryptic from her, but we figured it out. Yeah. Very, very clever. Yeah. Today on the show, we've got your chance to win 660 tickets. Hide in 660 is our game.

Yesterday, somebody managed to find our travelling 660 Castle Street at the Takapuna Boat Ram. Today, we're somewhere else around the country. Which that wasn't yesterday, that was ages ago. I said last week. You said yesterday. I said, oh, I meant to say last week. I'm going to admit I wasn't listening. I wasn't listening for a start

and then I started listening. It's good to know that you two are both... We're here to support you. Why not? I'm rocked by this news that, you know, Taika and Rita are expecting it. Vaughan, that is not a thing. So our travelling 660 Council Street,

about 7.30 this morning, we will give you... No, you're wrong, because it's always on Fridays. I knew you effed up. I knew he effed up. I knew he... Oh, it's just a... Are we teasing tomorrow?

We're saying it's some stage today. Oh, okay, yeah. Yeah, oh man, you're really good. You had a terrible start. This is a terrible start for the show. You had a terrible start. And it's not Friday. Are you kidding me?

It's not Friday. Unbelievable. I saw Tony Street this morning. She punched me in the guts, but that's just by the by. She punched me. She's the loveliest person. There's a dark side to her though. And she asked me if I wanted a little miniature cupcake.

And that rolled around in the box. It was in one of those cupcake boxes where the cupcakes all sit in the holes. Except she drives like an effing maniac. And so that all rolled around inside the box. And she said, do you want a little miniature cupcake? I said, oh, yes, please. And she punched me in the guts and said, not for you. And I said, why'd you offer it?

She said, it was a test, you scrounging prick. Those were her words, not mine. And then, where was I going with this? She said, what day of the week is it? And I said, I couldn't tell you. I wondered why you... Okay, yeah, right. Well, it's Thursday.

I don't know where we are. I'm familiar with the month being September, but other than that, I'm a ship in the ocean. It could be September 29th. I don't know how this year's working, to be honest. It's definitely Thursday. It's the 8th of September. Tomorrow's Friday.

It is the 8th of September. You've got a big day today, Vaughn. What have I got on? Have you been paying attention to filming tonight? Oh, I'd forgotten about that. Coming up on the show, the top six. Remember doing this? Astronauts have grown rice in space.

Didn't they grow... Sunflowers. You trying to do the little flute whistle? Yeah. I've never been able to do it. Oh, you used to be able to do it. They've grown mushrooms or like some vegetables before at the International Space Station.

Yeah, the wrong sort of mushrooms. They'll trip balls for you rotations, I'll tell you that. The worst place to be tripping balls. I reckon it'd be quite a cool place to trip balls. No, because, like, where do you go? As long as you've got good friends around you, as long as you've got good friends around you and you're on a good buzz, you know?

Yeah. You don't want to start freaking out. What if you're not and you're in the International Space Station? You can't... Oh, terrible. I just need to step outside. I just need some fresh air. Oh, RAPU. Well, terrible. You can't step... I just need to step outside. I just need some fresh air. Oh, R.I.P. you.

Well, are the top six dealing with this soon? The top six rice dishes that you could enjoy in space. Lovely. That's soon. Next on the show... If, like me, your skin is starting to look a bit weathered. Look a little bit dry, a little bit weathered. I have a hot tip.

A hot tip straight from the tock. I don't know if people are recommending this. I'm not following any talk advice. No, no, no, no. This is good. You'll benefit from this. It is another Korean beauty phase. Craze?

Phase? Korean skincare. It's second to none. Why is it second to none in Korea? I don't know. They just really care about their skin so they just invest a lot of time and products. I better look like Blackpink at the end of this. Who's Blackpink?

Hello, dum-dum. Knock, knock, knock. Hello, dum-dum. Welcome to the 20th century. Only the biggest Korean girl group. Oh. I've seen them with their dancing and stuff. We're big Blackpink fans in the Smith household. Oh. They are the female BTS. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We're big Blackpink fans in the Smith household.

Oh, okay, great. There's a New Zealander in there. Is there? Yeah, a New Zealander of Asian descent. Yeah. And all flawless skin. Oh, my God. Like.

Because like you say. Courageous. Like you know when you get a brand new bench top and you give it a spray and wipe and you're just like, that is a brand new bench top and you give it a spray and wipe and you're just like, that is a brand new bench top. That's the skin. They look like brand new bench tops every time.

Brand new toilet. You know when you've got like a new TV and you peel off that plastic layer, what's underneath is like Korean skin. Yeah. Well, this craze... On some TVs, that's actually what it is. Yeah.

Oh my God, like softer. Why is my TV so spongy and soft? This is made of only the finest Korean skin. Yeah. Whose skin? Don't ask questions. Don't ask too many questions. Just enjoy your television.

Right. It's called slugging, this one. You may have heard of it. It's been around for a while, slugging, but a lot of voices chiming in on it now. Slugging involves slathering Vaseline on your face as your final step before you go to bed, like petroleum jelly. Yeah.

I don't know. I don't really know what Vaseline was for in the first place. Because it's a byproduct of petroleum, right? Yeah. Like, that's why it's called petroleum. You should believe so. Yeah. Yeah.

But, like, I remember, like, back in the 90s, people, you put it on your lips. Yeah, well, that's what's in pawpaw, isn't it? Petroleum jelly. Petroleum jelly. Yeah. Yeah. But, like, I remember, like, back in the 90s, people, you put it on your lips. Yeah, well, that's what's in pawpaw, isn't it? Petroleum jelly. Petroleum jelly. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I thought it was pawpaw that was in pawpaw. There's pawpaw and there's petroleum jelly. Well, what about if it's more pawpaw?

No, I don't know how much. I don't know the ratio of pawpaw to petroleum jelly, but it's... Well, yeah. It's mostly petroleum jelly, right? It's mostly petroleum jelly. Is it more, more pawpaw or... Less, less pawpaw.

Vas-vas. I don't know. It depends on the brand, I think. More, more vas-vas. Yeah. Oh, that's not good. Because I used to use pawpaw all the time, but it's just...

Same, but it does not. It just does not work on the lips. No. So you slather your face in Vaseline before you go to bed, called slugging. So like a lot of it or do you rub it in? Like a layer of it. Right, okay.

A layer of it and it's supposed to lock in moisture, particularly good for people who have dry skin, eczema, dermatitis or just generally dry kind of aging skin. Everybody's skin's aging. Aging skin, for example. Why did you look at us? I wasn't. Where else am I going to look?

We'll just look down directly in our eyes. Wow. And a gesture and a sort of a point to the face. Yeah, you pointed. You looked and you pointed. For your aging skin. Why are you being so mean? What is the first thing that comes to mind when you think about slapping?

A vassy pillow. A vassy pillow. Sticky. Everything's going to stick to your face. Like if you fall over in some leaves. Or like sawdust. Or a plant that you've got in your room falls over, you're going to have

potting mix all over your face. And then you have Legionnaire's disease because of potting mix. Or just like dust. Yeah. Also, I'm a face down sleeper on my side.

Oh no, this isn't for you then. Oh, when you said face down, I literally thought you'd be like face like into the pillow. No, no.

Oh God, we're lucky to have you. But like the sides, I'd be, the vas would be all on the pillow. It'd be terrible. You'd have to be a back sleeper to do this.

But the immediate thing that I think of is the clogging. Yeah. The clogging. Because now some skin, like this has been backed by skincare brands, pharmacists being like, yeah, man, like this is great. This is great for moisturizing your skin. Moist skin, young looking skin.

But now dermatologists are like, yeah, but when you rub petroleum jelly on your face and leave it there for, say, eight hours, if you're lucky enough to get eight hours sleep, it mixes with the dead skin cells and just clogs up your pores. So you can't breathe and it can lead to acne. Acne and big, like, zit breakouts and whatnot. Right, which is not going to give you good skin.

Yeah, but Karween was saying before she follows a number of people who do this on the talk, and their skin looks incredible. Yeah, but Karween, they could be using a filter. They could be lying. A filter on social media? Never. In what bloody world? I think you've got to put a hashtag, don't you?

Filtered? Hashtag filtered. Hashtag filtered. Right. But they swear by this. Yeah, there's like before and afters and their skin like clears up. Maybe they just needed moisture though, you know? I've never seen a before and after that's lying.

You know? Not once. That's true. Yeah. Well, look, if you've got dry skin and you... Just use a moisturiser. No, you've got to slug. I don't have Vaseline.

Could I use the grease that I put on motor parts through the grease nipple? Car jelly. Yes, car jelly. Some sort of lubricant. Lube, you could probably use lube. A face full of 10W motor oil. Yeah. CRC.

Yeah, whatever you've got. Oh, I've got some WD-40. KY. Yeah, KY. Yeah. Gosh. SlC. Yeah, whatever you've got. Oh, I've got some WD-40. KY. Yeah. KY. Yeah. Gosh. Slather it up, guys. Are people still using KY? I don't know if it's the brand. Is it the brand or are people

still using lube? No, no, no. I know people are still using lube. Yeah, right. Well, of course they are. Fools not to. But no, I was just wondering about the actual brand itself. Oh, yeah. It feels very American, doesn't it?

It just feels very 90s. Yeah. It was the only brand and now there's heaps. Yeah. Yeah. You get tingly stuff. Oh, yeah, that does. That doesn't feel right.

What about I get mine from like a little sort of grocers and it's banana flavoured. Oh, because you take your own jar, don't you? They've got the refills. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You go to like the eco store. A refillery. Artisan lube. And I like refill my oil bottles and then put the...

Fantastic. Get some lube. Fantastic. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley. Park. Stop. Stop your car. Yep.

Stop. Stop. Put on car. Yep. Stop. Brake. If it's in an automatic, forward into park. On goes the handbrake. Sometimes I don't even put the handbrake on. If I'm in a manual, I always put the handbrake on. Neutral. Handbrake.

But apparently, that's wrong. No. That's right. That is dead right. That is right. That's the right thing. By Vaughan Smith standards, that's what you do. Well, not according to the internet.

And the internet knows everything. Vaughan? On the internet. The internet knows everything. Neutral. Handbrake. Move to park. What's that?

So apparently, isn't this because it's about where you put the weight of the car first? I was reading about this and it was like some people who put it, do it the wrong way around. It's like the weight goes on the wrong brakes first. It goes like too much weight on the handbrake thing, which is supposed to be like a backup plan. So just explain the right way again that you're meant to do. So you're in an automatic, right?

Yeah, which most people are now. Let's forget about manuals. Driving long, foot on the brake, car's at a stop. Move it from drive to neutral. To neutral. Then you put on the handbrake. Then you put it into park.

Right. I never use neutral. No, neither. What's neutral for? I use neutral on the way to work every morning. You know, the big hill? Yeah. I just put it in neutral.

You cruise. I cruise down the hill. I just take my feet off the pedals. What are you, like, trying to save two cents? No, I just think it's neutral. You cruise. I cruise down the hill. I just have my feet off the pedals. Are you like trying to save two cents? No, I just think it's fun. Do you know I get great joy out of your engines and it's idling speed but you're going

like 100km an hour. That's gotta be bad for your car. Is it bad for your car? I don't know. And then I wait till, I'm really good at waiting for it. I hear when it's ready to be put back into driving away up the other side of the hill. Wow. The things that amuse you, eh?

Because I remember getting told when I learned how to drive manual not to cruise in neutral when you're going downhill to like ride the gears. No. Oh, that's a safety thing. That's like because you can use your brakes. You can use your gears as like brakes. Yeah. What if you need to stop and swerve or something

and you're in neutral because you think you're in a bloody glider or a Star Wars jet plane or something? Fighter jet. What, you think you're in a Star Wars fighter jet plane? A jetty, laser-y shooter thing? You think you're cruising around the Death Club? Wow.

Trying to shoot Dark Father or whatever his name is? Yeah. You think you're a cool guy with your laser beams, do you? Yeah, bloody ha-ha binks or something. Shooting them there. I don't know. I don't know. It just doesn't sound...

You just like a rock and neutral. If there was a car in front of me, I wouldn't do it. Right. That's why I love when there's an empty road in front of you. Yeah, that hill, I mean, I fly down that hill, but I just, I take my feet off the pedals. If I was a police, I'd put a speed camera at the bottom of that hill. Why would you say that?

If I was NZTA, I'd put a speed camera at the bottom of that hill. There's plenty of places. Can I put a speed camera there and start collecting revenue? It's not how it works. Yeah, so that's like, the basic premise of this is if you jam it straight into park, all the jobs being put on park, and then you pull up the handbrake with us,

and the handbrake's the one that's supposed to take the heavy load. Right. Which I still reckon is bullshit. If your park can't handle it, it shouldn't be park. It needs to man up. Yeah, it's a big role. The park needs to man up. I don't need some bloody sookie park.

I don't need some Gen Z park telling me that it's too hard to hold the car on a slight incline and rely on old Gen X handbrake. No. Step up, park. Do your job. The amount of time that there'd be wait on the park would be minimal because you've got the brakes straight away. If you're on flat. No, but it does less, right?

I often don't put on the handbrake in a... Really? Oh, that's... What if you start rolling away? Well, take it from someone that has left a car in neutral and not put the handbrake on. Have you? Yeah, but that's you.

Always put it into park, Vaughn. This is a big you problem. No, you've got to use the handbrake. It's superior. And also, I just... Oh, what about those cars with the... I like to get in when I've jammed it so hard I almost can't get it down.

Yeah, you've got to really... And you've got to pull it up more before it goes down, eh? Those are the good ones. The cars I don't like are the ones with the button, the park button. Yeah, with the little flick button. I never put that on.

Those are automatic, so... I don't trust them. It makes that little noise. If you're outside the car and someone puts it on, it goes... Like a bus. Like it's having a little... Yeah, like it's some Star Wars jet plane hitting light drives.

You know? Star Wars jet planes? Yeah. Look at you driving at the speed of bloody Luke Skyman. Beam me up, Peter. Beam me up, old Petey boy. Play ZM's Fletch Vaughn and Hayley. Well, the Trade Me data has been released.

It has shown the highest paid jobs that have been listed on Trade Me data has been released. It has shown the highest paid jobs that have been listed on Trade Me jobs. God, I thought this was a stitch up. I thought you were going to say Trade Me's chasing me for the $44 my account's in debt. You know how they email you like, just a friendly reminder, your account is in debt. Like you literally sell something and within a minute they're like, you owe us $40. Yeah. And then you're like, well, okay, I'll pay soon. I'll just get round to it. I've got to sort out you know, sending this

thing I've just sold. And then like 10 minutes later, hey, you still owe us $45. Just get in line, you know, when it comes to, you know, people I owe money to. Trade me's down the line. Has anyone ever been bake-hopped by them? Sure. I mean, I'dcorked by them? Sure.

I mean, I'd say they would sell off their debts, yeah. But you wouldn't be able to because it will only ever be a small amount because it just stops you from selling.

No, Baycorp buy... Baycorp would bulk buy debt so they'd buy like a debt package from Trade Me and it would include everybody so there might be some people that owe a few hundred bucks.

Yeah. Or someone that owes 14 but they acquire it as a bundle, if you will. Yeah. Good fun, eh? So, I mean, the answer to your question is pay that $43 or whatever it is. Pay now. To Trade Me.

But, yeah, their job data has listed and shown the highest paid jobs in New Zealand. And their IT jobs. IT? IT is where the money is at. Still? Yeah, so based on advertised salaries for roles listed on Trade Me Jobs in the last quarter, architects in the IT

sector continue to be offered the most money. IT architect. What is an IT architect? They build the system. They build the system. So like if you're in a big office, they build... Program. The CIS system. So like if you're in a big office, they build... Program. The CISBA. The CISBA.

System. CISBA.exe. Yeah. Now that's in your email. Right. Open it. Open it. Open it.

It was a trick. It was a virus. I am the company IT architect and I am testing your ability to ignore phishing emails. Yeah, you got them. And that's why they pay me the big bucks. Well, IT Architects are being offered an average salary of $185,000.

Far apart. Not bad for a nerd. Not bad. Still not getting any of it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And that's why Vaughan's internet. Gotta be there. Trade it all for a kiss.

Losers. And that's why Vaughan's internet traded all for a kiss. Losers! And that's why Vaughan's internet stopped working. So yeah, apparently, and also the tech industry are hurting with the whole COVID and staff shortages thing. Apparently, if you are advertising a job, you've got like a week to get someone, otherwise they'll be snapped up by someone

else. Really? And then also like, because people will be poaching, that's also pushing wages up as well. Poaching what? Coming in quails? Poach salmon? Oh, yum. Poaching jobs. Yeah. Is that with a rolling boil?

Yeah, he was going to say with a simmer. How long should I poach them for? If I want a soft poached job. A quick boil, like a quick blanch. Have you ever poached an IT professional It's a real quick boil. If I want a soft poached job. A quick boil, like a quick blanch. Have you ever poached an IT professional? I would imagine you need a massive pot.

You do need sort of like a huge stock pot. You'd almost need an old cast iron bar. And you add some vinegar too, otherwise they go everywhere. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, you've got to

keep them together. And sometimes create a bit of a swirl as well. And don't be afraid to spoon some of the hot water over the top of your IT professional if they've got a bit

of exposed to air. Like a hot water baste. Yeah. Yeah, like a baste just to make sure. Don't want it too runny. Just to get the ceiling on top. No.

Yeah. So that's obviously IT people being poached. Coming in second is the highest, the second highest with a salary of 163. IT project,

IT management followed by IT project management. The bossy nerds. Yeah. I would have thought it would have been like lawyers. Yeah, lawyers. Such a huge disparity.

Takes a long time for lawyers to earn money. And to be like in the top firms. So fourth and fifth were IT business and systems analysts with an average of 150,000. Data warehousing roles, 146. That's just where they work in those big warehouses out by the airport and look at stacks of computers.

I think so. Yeah, that's where the clouds are. That's the big bucks. Yeah. You can hear them because the fans are always on. It's so hot. Yeah, outside of the IT industry, just executive and general management roles. Yeah, I was going to say your bosses.

About an average of 123,000. So that's kind of the, what do you want to be when you grow up, little Timmy, little Susie? I want to work in IT. Not cool by the sounds of it, but you want to work in IT. Now, I mean, just in case some dum-dums who are listening are like, what does IT stand for? Of course it stands for intellectually

intellectually technology technology, yeah. Doesn't it? Yeah, dum-dums. Sorry, I just want to speak on behalf of the dum-dums as not a I just want to speak on behalf of the dum-dums as not a dum-dum myself. But, like, some dum-dums will be like,

yeah, I know what IT is, but, like, what does it stand for? So they'll answer that. Icy turds. Somebody's just messaged in the icy turds. Well, there you go. If you want to earn a lot of money, icy turds. You heard it here. The industry, that's where all the money is.

I got my head out this sunroof. I'm glassing my favorite tombstone. Macy Turds. You heard it here. The industry. That's where all the money is. There is a 17-year-old who is being praised, in fact, online. She works at a Dunkin' Donuts in the United States. Okay. Yum. Now, I know. I couldn't do that job. You just eat them all. Because I eat them all. works at a Dunkin' Donuts in the United States. Okay. Yum. Now, I know, can't win lots of Dunkin' Donuts. I couldn't do that job.

You just eat them all. Because I eat them all. I know, but a lot of people say this when they go like, oh, you know, how can you work at this delicious food store and not just eat all the food?

But I suppose you just eat what you need and then you're done. Or you start at that job and you eat and eat and eat and then you are so disgusted by it that you can't do it again. That's like me when I host

the Great Kiwi Bake Off. I come in and I'm like, and then a couple of days later I'm like, that is not sustainable. I've got to slow down. She's 17 years old so she is still in high school and she works in this store on the weekends and after school

as with most shops in the United States, it's open really late. Yeah. And something happened that led to her being left in the shop alone to close up. So typically you wouldn't have that, especially with a 17-year-old. Yeah.

You would have someone who's like maybe a little bit higher up or a bit more experienced, but someone couldn't come in. And then the other person who was on the shift had already been working 10 hours that day. So they like had to go. So the 17 year old was left in the shop by herself. And then the main problem with that is that this Dunkin' Donuts is on the side of a highway. So she was like, oh, I don't feel good about this. Yeah, it's a bit unsafe.

Yeah. So she just locks the doors and calls the owners and is like, hey, like, no, no, I'm not doing this. And they're like, oh, my God, drama queen. And they turn up and she's like, cool, unlock the doors, and I quit. So she shares a video to TikTok. She's like, I just quit my job. I'm 17 years old

I'm left in the storm by myself Screw this basically Yeah I couldn't Did you have to ever lock up the servo When you worked there No it was a 24 hour Never locked It actually might have shut

For a few hours But I was never there I was never there early enough To open it Right And that was like management But were you there alone No No you were never alone there No I was never there early enough to open it. Right. I mean, that was like management. But were you there alone?

No. No, you were never alone there. No, I was never there alone. Oh, that makes sense because I wouldn't trust a woman with a service station, even as an adult. Yeah, I would have been like, someone came in and stole all the pies. Oh, we'll check the video camera. I'd be like, don't check the video camera. Is there a video camera?

Whereabouts is that? Just for future reference. It is weird sometimes when you go into a store and there's like, you know, a teenager and they're the, you know, a teenager, and they're the only ones there. This was me. I wouldn't want that responsibility as a teenager. No, I worked in a clothing store when I was like 18, 19,

and then I worked there on the weekends while I was at drama school. And, excuse me, and I would always be in the front of the shop by myself during a week, because it was like a boutique clothing store so it wasn't like sort of heavy foot traffic and

there was an office out the back so there would be people out there but I'd be in the store by myself but on the weekends the office wasn't there and you'd have one girl who would work from 10 till 2 or something and then one girl who worked from 10 till 4 so you'd have two hours in the shop by yourself and then I remember the day, I was never the locker-upper.

Because, no. You were like 18. Yeah. And then one day, the other girl had to go. And I was like, yeah, I'll stay in lock-up. Give me your keys. And I didn't do it properly. And I left this designer clothing store unlocked all night.

And the next day, because it wasn't open on Sunday. So this was on Saturday. Next day was Sunday. No one was there. And then Monday, someone turned up to open it and was like... It's already open. It's already open. So you left a designer clothing store open...

Hundreds of thousands of dollars worth of clothes, I reckon. And like... Nothing got taken, though. Nothing. Wow. Because it had like a roller door. Oh, so the roller door was shut. We had like glass doors like that.

And then when you'd open the shop, you'd undo the roller door and then open the glass doors. And I just left it all unlocked because I'd screwed up the padlock thing. But they wouldn't have even needed to ram raid that these days, would they? They would have just lifted it open. No, it had a side door as well. And you could just like walk in. I just like panicked.

Slam. Shut. Goodbye,icked. Slam. Shut. Goodbye, clothes. Enjoy yourself. Hi there. People on the International Space Station have grown rice. This is big, guys. This is big.

Big. Do you have any, how did they do it? Don't know. Because rice is... I've spent all my time on this story trying to work out rice puns, which is significantly harder than I imagined when I thought of this. I was going to say some, but if it's been hard, I don't want to. Yeah.

Feel free to flip them through. There's a couple of real shit ones on my list of the top six. So I can easily switch them out at some stage. Okay. But, you know, rice is complicated to grow. I don't know if I've mentioned that. Maybe I'll announce it here. I was on holiday in Bali recently.

Is this the first time you've said this? Breaking news. I was in Bali recently. Okay. been to Bali? Is this the first time you've said this? Breaking news, I was in Bali recently. Okay. But one of my favourite places was... The rice paddy fields. The rice paddy fields.

Like going to Ubud and... Yeah, yeah, because it was like beautiful and like the way they grow, it's like so much water. How's that happening in the space station? So much.

Did you get your photos on the swing in Bali? I did no swing photos. Wow. Only because... She's better than a swing photo. Only because I'm better than everyone else. Yeah, okay.

And I would have been embarrassed because you guys would have absolutely not let me live it down. Oh, I know. We definitely would have absolutely roasted you for it. Yeah, I know. Okay, I've just read it was Chinese astronauts. Let's pretend that didn't happen. This is very NASA-centric.

I'm going to whitewash this whole thing. If you'll forgive me this once. Please take the work. If you take the hard work of the brilliant Chinese scientists and claim it as a white man. Give it the American twist. Okay, the top six rice recipes to have in space. Feel free to flick through those puns.

Hayley, number one is easily the worst. Number six on the list of the top six rice recipes to have in space. The Russian cosmonauts want to make a lovely, creamy, thick rice poutine. Oh, yeah. Okay, good. Yeah, I love a bit of rice poutine. Creamed rice poutine., good. Yeah. I love a bit of rice Putin. Creamed rice Putin. Putin.

Yeah. Putin. Anyway, number five on the list of the top six rice recipes to have in space. How about some teriyaki salmon sushi? Hey. Hey. That was good. That was good.

That was really good. I mean, the weight of the pun falls on the fish there. Salmon. Yeah. Not really dependent on the rice, but it is a rice dish. Yeah. Okay. Number four on the list of the top six rice recipes to have in space.

How about a lovely chicken tikka nasala? A lovely chicken tikka nasala. Yeah, okay. You're beautiful. Nasa. Yeah. And with rice. A side of rice.

Of course. Oh, it's got to be. Again, the weight of the pun falling fairly heavy on the curry there, but what's a curry without rice accompaniment? Yeah, it's nothing. Number three on the list of the top six rice recipes to have in space. How about sanitary moon rice bubbles? What about satin-terium? Satin-terium rice bubbles.

Yeah, good. Are they paying tax in space as well? No, sir. No, sir, they aren't. No. But closer to God. But they, yeah. Okay.

Jesus says they don't have to. Yeah, right. I don't have to pay your tax. I'm not on your planet. No, no, no, no, no. Number two on the list of the top six rice recipes to have in space. You could make yourself an Or-ben-toe box. Orbit.

Orbit-tento box. Oh, wow. This is really stretching here. Or-bet-tento box. You know you didn't have to make these puns. You didn't have to make them puns. You made this really hard for yourself. Or-ben-tento box.

It doesn't. It's not working for me. Orbit. Yeah, I know. And bento box. It doesn't. It's not working for me. Or that. I know. And bento. I get where you're going. Or bento box. Yeah.

That's really great stuff. That's so good. And number one on the list of the top six. Number one will be good, though. Number one will be good. Here we go. It's going to be good. Number one on the list of the top six rice recipes to have in space.

Uncle Neil Armstrong's two minute 90 second rice. I ran out. And again, you have taken an Asian product and given it to a non-Asian man. What a whitewash top six that was. Cancelled. Please don't cancel me. I have a mortgage to pay and a wife to support

and a family to feed. Twas a simple mistake. That's a nice top six. As they say, sub-sex. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley. Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley. Silly little pole. Silly little pole. It is so silly, silly, silly. That the silly little pole. Silly little pole.

Silly little pole. Silly little pole. Silly little pole. Wow, someone's had some coffee, haven't they? Today's sillyilly Little Poll. I'm in a little bit of a chaotic mood. I can feel it and I'm here for it. This was a question I didn't know how people would answer.

How many monsters there would be? Dude, I can give you the exact numbers. We had 7,198 votes for closed. Yeah. I'll tell you what the question is in a minute if you're unfamiliar with it. So 7,198 for closed. Yeah. 400 votes for open.

400 votes. 95% of people voted closed. And the question was, do you sleep with your curtains open or closed? So there are 5% of people that... That's like hundreds. I feel like some people might have just clicked open because they knew closed was going to be so massive. The winner?

No, but I also do know of people that love sleeping with the... And waking up to the sunshine. Yeah, and love a natural wake up. Whereas someone like you, do you even need to... Just get thin curtains so people can't peer in. But you live in the middle of nowhere. Why don't you... The sun?

The sun comes up. I've got a wife and children. Screw her. Yeah, wake up, woman. She should wake up when you wake up. Wake up and start making scoms or something. I don't know. No, you've got to have blackout curtains in the bedroom.

Oh, absolutely. Yeah. I can't do it otherwise. Even at the moment we're in this temporary bedroom while we're renovating, we've got like a top window, you know, like above the bed, and we've got all this stuff up there so you can't close the little blinds. And last night, the light of the moon. Did you see the moon?

She's a pretty bright moon. Quite orange as well this morning. But like last night, the light of the moon was too light for me. Because I don't like any light in my room. Same. Even like, I'll put stickers over like when I had a TV in my room, I'll put stickers over the red bit or the red dot. Hate it. Hate it.

I don't mind a little coloured light somewhere, but I can't have like light streaming in. Yeah. Jess writes, Close. This is the stupidest question ever. Sorry, that was a little aggressive. That's alright. Yeah. Jess writes, Close. This is the stupidest question ever. Sorry, that was a little aggressive. That's all right, Jess. We agree with you.

We agree with you completely, Jess. I think Jess probably saw the 5% and got riled up. I'm riled up. Yeah. Yeah, people do it. Okay. Okay. Now, okay.

Demi has taken this in an interesting direction. Demi? Demi. Lovato or more? More. Okay. More. Demi more. Demi more. I don Lovato or more? Okay. More. Demi more.

Demi more. I don't know who I'd be more excited about. I do sleep with my curtains open when I'm having an afternoon nap on the couch. Technically, she's got us there. That is a sleep. That is a sleep. No, that's not what we're asking. But even then, nothing rules more than pulling your curtains in the middle of the day and

sleeping, waking up and not knowing where you are, when you are. It might be Tuesday in 1943 when you wake up for a 20 minute nap. I've told you before, sleep isn't time travel. It is if you open your mind. You just gotta... Not with that negative attitude, it's not ever gonna be.

You need to be more can-do. Yeah. Not can-don't. Okay. The Nailglade, which I'm guessing is a business account. Okay. I use a sleep mask so I forget to close the curtains slash am lazy. Oh. So sleep mask negates need for

curtains. I just find... Ooh, the people peeping. What about the peeping toms and the killer clowns and the werewolves? Yeah, killer clowns. Those killer clowns. They'll peep through your window if you don't have curtains. And you'll never know because you'll be sleeping with a... I can't do a sleep mask. I do sometimes because Aaron will often wake up in the middle of the night and watch

something on his iPad. No, go in the lounge. He can't right now. Yeah, okay. It's warm in the bed. I've got a sleep mask that was made by the people that did the shoes. Allbirds. Are they the people that did the shoes in Sinister? Fantastic sleep mask?

I didn't pay for it. Okay. It was a freebie. It was a freebie. Amy says, Amy, you're crazy. The sun comes up at like 5 o'clock in the morning. You ever been in a tent in summer?

It sucks. It's hot. It gets real hot. She does the same, open in summer, closed in winter. Crazy. You ever been in a tent in summer? It sucks. Oh, yuck. It's hot. It gets real hot. She does the same, open in summer, closed in winter. Crazy. You're crazy, Bev.

What does Bev need to be up for at the crack of dawn in summer? They just get up early parents, don't they? They just get up. Make the most of the day. Melissa says... To listen to you

on the radio, probably. Yeah. Oh, bless you. Yeah, it is, yeah. Melissa says, open. I'm terrible at sleeping through alarms,

so having one naturally, one slightly open to let natural light in keeps me up when my alarm goes off. Yeah, okay. So she's going ajar. She's an early riser. Slightly ajar. Yeah, she's got an ajar curtain. Oh, I hate an ajar curtain.

Oh, I don't go ajar. Nothing's worse. You don't notice it if you go to bed when it's dark and then when it's five in the morning in summer and it's streaming. A little tip if you go to bed when it's dark and then when it's, you know, 5 in the morning in summer and it's streaming out. A little tip if you're staying at a hotel and you've got a jar curtain. You know curtains that don't meet in the middle?

You get the little coat hanger with the clips on it for the trousers and you just clip them to the curtains. Life hacks with Carl Fletcher. Or pack a peg. Pack a couple of pegs. Or pack a stapler and just staple them together. Hotel ears are listening. You can't be stapling the Bella Vista's curtains together.

Anything from the minibar? No. Sir, did you staple your curtains together? Maybe I did. Now that's on you because your curtains don't make. If you find the tiny holes, feel free to burl me. Oh, no, the staples are still in them. I'm not taking the staples out.

Okay. It's the next person's job. Stacey says, obviously closed so that the murderers and ghosts that prowl around my house every night can't see in. Yeah, fair call. Emma, we put in double glazing so I don't need curtains for warmth. I tell you what, Emma, double glazing works exponentially better with curtains. Yeah. We haven't bothered to pay for curtains for the whole house. The neighbours

just get a good show. That's the other thing. Oh yeah. Maybe they're voyeuristic. Like being on Big Brother Uncut. But all the time. Yeah. Yeah. For the neighbours. For life. Whether the neighbours like it or not. Ah, and Amy says closed, except I have a triangular

window so the curtains don't reach all the way to the top. Oh, like a little peek out the top. Oh, triangle. Get a custom curtain. You need a custom. I'd just Duracell it or something. Duracell it. I'd block it out, the top triangle. Just paint them like we did

during the war times. So the Nazi bombers can't see that we've got our lights on inside of our South London homes. Yeah. Perfect. Good idea. Perfect, perfect, perfect.

I'm still a little bald. Well, the Best Foods Comedy Festival was cancelled this year because of COVID-19, but some events are still going, including the Best Foods Comedy Gala, biggest event of the year in comedy, I would say. And this year it is being hosted by Rhys Mathewson. He joins us in studio. Kia ora, Rhys.

Kia ora, guys. How are you? Very, very well. This is, I tell you what, from the young boy we saw, remember, at a movie opening, we watched Rhys Mathewson do some stand-up comedy before a movie. Oh, my God. How old would you have been?

You were still at school, I reckon. Yep, definitely. Because it was a comedy, was it part of that thing the Comedy Gala did with the high school? Yeah were still at school, I reckon. Yep, definitely. Because it was the comedy, was it part of that thing the comedy gala did with the high school? Yeah, so I did Class Comedians. That was it, Class Comedians. That was the program where they took 16-year-olds

and went, here's what a career in comedy could be like. And boy, did they not tell you about the amount of pub quizzes you'd have to host. The amount of pivots you'd have to make. But to be like, if you don't know, the Comedy Gala is like a very big event in the Comedians' Year. This is every time I've been paying attention to other shows I've done with comedians all backstage.

Doing gala this year? Are you in the gala? Are you in the gala this year? What's it for? But to host it is a huge honour. Huge honour. Like normally it's reserved for international comedians. And it's only the last couple of years

that we've had locals do it. With Pax and Justine and now yourself. For those that don't know, tell us how this works because it's four minutes, isn't it? It's just non-stop four minutes. All the other comedians have four minutes. They just have four minutes to come on, impress the nation and then leave

and it might change their careers. Because I'm hosting, I get a bit longer at the top of each half. So I get 10 minutes to kind of play around and set the scene and set the mood and get everyone ready and then bring on the best in live New Zealand comedy at the moment. Nice. So tomorrow night... And Hayley Sprout.

Yeah, tomorrow night, I'll be there, Hayley. I'll be going to support you. Vaughan's going away for the week and he said... No, he said that I wasn't his kind of comedian. No, that's what I said. I don't think comedy's ready for woman yet, you know? I think this decade we've agreed to let them drive and maybe in the 2030s we'll be ready for them to tell some yuck yucks.

Yeah. Yeah. I like the idea of you sitting in the crowd like, let me tell you something, dear. Oh, God. Nice try, sweetheart. So at the Civic tomorrow, but then also in Wellington. Yes.

And that one will be a bit looser because it's not televised, right? It's not televised and you get six minutes. Right. So you kind of either beef out what you've got for four or you add in a little naughty spicy something. The rules are off on that one, eh? either beef out what you've got for four or you'd add in a little naughty spicy something. The rules are off on that one, eh? You beef it out. Pad.

You've been given, Rhys, many rules, like in terms of what you can and cannot do. Yes. It's very careful about, like, you've got to submit your script to say, these are the jokes I'm going to tell. I'm not going to defame Simon Bridges, which was something that was already in there.

Apparently that's illegal. What, just specifically Simon Bridges? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I've got a true story about Simon Bridges that is technically not allowed to be broadcast. Wow. It would be on him to prove that it's not real. I know my defamatory laws, Rhys Mathers,

and I will happily represent you in a court of law. If you say it, he's got to prove it didn't happen. If you say it first. I would love to see the courtroom where I'm defended and you stand up and go, Your Honour, excuse me, dear. Oh, no.

We can get tickets to come and see you, me, and basically every comedian in New Zealand that you love tomorrow night or in Wellington Zealand that you love. Tomorrow night or in Wellington, September 30th. Yeah, comedyfestival.co.nz. Yeah, looking forward to it. I think the Auckland one's sold out or it's about to be sold out.

So check tickets right now if you want to go. And it's such a good night. It's just like a couple of hours of everyone's best stuff. Rhys Mathewson, thank you so much for coming on. Thanks for having me, guys. Always a treat to see you. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley. Play ZM.

Let's talk about a Dutch city called Haarlem. It's like Harlem, but with two A's. Haarlem. Haarlem. Haarlem. Dare I say, dare I say, it's probably what Harlem is named after. Harlem in New York. Because you remember, oh, New York was once New Amsterdam.

Why they changed it, I can't say. People just liked it better that way. Really? Is that a song? Yeah. In Stample, I can't stand to know. Because it's in Stample and I can't stand it to nobler. It's in Stamppool, I can't say it to nobler. Long time ago.

Yeah, it's named after the Dutch city. It's nobody's business but the Turks. What are you, a clever boy? Well, yeah, the Dutch New York was New Amsterdam and it was like really Dutch-centric at the start of it. Oh, that's why that hospital's called New Amsterdam in the show. It's just like connections, strings tied. Well, Harlem, it's to the west of Amsterdam, a population of

160,000 people. They have put something in place. They are now the first city in the world to ban meat advertisements from public spaces. So your meat weeks, that'll be gone. Meat and back and save meat week

advertising steak specials gone advertising Lee Harden as hell of sausages would be banned wouldn't they

what about the bloody the twins you know the rolling twins with the lamb the Ingham not the Ingham the Swindells well I was going to say

Ingham too but that's just because that's the chicken brand and those mischievous rascally RIP half of it. Yeah. Nelson twins who married people who worked on a South Korean trawler.

They were always on Holmes, weren't they? Oh, Holmesy loves trotting out to Ningham twins. No, I'm talking about the athletes. Ever Swindells. Yeah. No, but you've got your Iron Maidens. That's what they were calling them because they were the red meat. You've got your Lisa Carrington.

Yep. Yep. She's out. Sarah Walker. Done. Look, I don't know my meat advertisers slash athletes. What are they called? Silver Farms.

Yeah. So if they were in the stuck city of Harlem. No more advertising for it. Now, I'm pretty sure you'd still be able to have, like, signage in supermarkets. Sophie Pascoe! Sophie Pascoe. Oh, how could we forget Sophie Pascoe? Sorry, Sophie.

One of our absolute Olympic champions. Dame Sophie Pascoe. I really apologise. She's got a jewellery bloody chain and everything, and we just forgot her. So, this prohibition is starting not next year but the year after in January. Prohibition. Prohibition.

On meat. Yeah. It was because of the amount of impact that meat is having on climate change. Yeah. So this is in order to sort of like reduce the amount of meat that people are taking in each week.

And they still, because it's weird when you see sports highlights from even the, like, 90s or 80s, and there'll be, like, Siggy sponsors, the league teams, the cricket. Yeah, but this is the same thing, like, you know. The Winfield Cup. Yeah, the Benson and Hedges. Was it Winfield? Was it the Smoke Brand?

Yeah. You'd see the signs on the side of the cricket pitches. Yeah. I mean, we're all still, like, all of our, a lot of our sports are sponsored by Boo smoke brand. Yeah. You'd see the signs on the side of the cricket pitches. Yeah. I mean, we're all still, like, all of our, a lot of our sports are sponsored by booze brands. Yeah. Like, that'd be next, right? Well, that's what they're always trying to ban.

Chloe Swarbrick wants to bring that in as part of the Alcohol Harm Reduction Act, right? Yeah. Yeah, so you were not, like, plugging it. And that's exactly what these guys are doing, but for meat. Because, you know, our carbon emissions, a third of them come from food production, which is mostly meats. And they want to push people towards plant-based foods. So they're actually banning it.

They're the first in the world to do it. And, like, once someone does it, and it will actually have some impact, it's all off. So no more bloody... My freedoms are being impeached and impeded upon. I can't wait until. Impeached and impeded upon. I love nothing more though than like a billboard with like a saucy bloody leg of lamb on it.

You know? Like a pink bit of beef. Could even the fast food outlets advertise their burgers? Yeah, I think so. I think this is about the sale of, like, meat products. But that's a burger as a meat product. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh.

I don't know. Oh, very interesting question. Meat adverts from public spaces. Unless they did that thing where, you know, like if it's a nudie photo or something on the TV, they'll pixelate it. So they could just pixelate the meat patty. It would be pretty amazing, a Big Mac one.

Yeah, Big Mac, and every time there's a meat patty, one of those black bars across it, like a redacted. Oh, yeah, like the sensor bars. Yeah. Yeah, I don't know what they're going to do with, like, other food products that use meat. I just assumed it was like, I'm selling lamb, I'm selling this. Yeah, yeah.

Oh, wow, watch this space. Play. ZM's Fletch Vaughan and Hayley. Next on the show. There is a new Prime Minister of the United Kingdom. Yeah. And with a new Prime Minister comes a new Deputy Prime Minister, Dr. Therese Coffey.

And she has already had an embarrassing moment on TV. Wait, that is the Deputy... Two women. That is fantastic. Has that ever happened before? Why did you go fantastic in quotation marks? I did not. Why are you rolling his eyes? before? Why did you go fantastic in quotation marks? I did not. Why are you rolling his eyes?

Yeah, why did you go fantastic, roll your eyes and do quotation marks? No, I think that's fantastic. And at the same time, like, look at your penis. Oh, my God. Do not. Why are you pointing down to your cart and saying this is what they need? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Why are you saying none of, why is there none of this?

I honestly do think that's amazing. Has that ever happened in any... Why are you crossing your fingers? No, Fletch, their periods won't sync up. Why are you not saying any of the... No, it's not because they're menopausal. Oh my god.

Who's going to look out for their children? Fletch, please. You have such an archaic view. You cannot ask them if they're going to have children while they're on the job. You can't do that. It is so outrageous. I am so sorry you all had to witness this. Oh, my God.

I've known you for so long, and this is the first time I'll say it. I'm embarrassed. I'm seeing a whole new side of you. I'm not liking it. I'm not liking it. I'm not liking what I'm seeing. I'm not liking what I'm seeing. whole new side of you. I'm not liking it. I am. I'm not liking it. I'm not liking what I'm seeing. I'm not liking what I'm seeing. Oh, my God.

I, again, ladies and gentlemen, I thank you so much for listening to the show. We now completely understand if you've got to change the radio station. Yeah. Thank you for joining us this month. I'm actually changing the radio station. He keeps turning off his mic and being like,

not, not. Yeah. Just jokes. Yeah. Oh, my God being like, not, not. Just jokes. Oh my god. Well, anyway, next on the show, we want to talk about this moment that's happened to the female Deputy Prime Minister of the UK. Or as you

called them before, the Swedes running the country. A couple of broads, I believe you called them. A couple of old gals giving it a go. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley. You just caught the end of that conversation where we're talking about women in power around the world. Who's the heads of state?

You just said... England have a new prime minister. Yeah, Liz Truss. Liz Truss and her deputy, which we're about to talk about soon, is also a female. And I've Googled Estonia was the first country in the world with a female president and female prime minister. Because they've got that weird system. How does that system work?

I don't know. I don't know. Who does what? A president and a prime minister. The UK's got a queen and a prime minister. Yeah, but that's a Commonwealth set up. Queen, prime minister. Germany have like the two things as well, don't they?

They have a president and a Prime Minister. I think so. Or a something and a something. Chancellor. A Chancellor and a something. And a Prime Minister. Politically, right? Because the Queen's not political. Well, you know, she's not sort of outwardly. No, she's not one way or the other. When this article was written, when that happened

in Estonia, there were only three female heads of state. New Zealand, Barbados and Denmark. You know the Denmark? That's Finland. That's Finland. So maybe there's four now. I thought she was, she's been around, oh, no, no, no, she entered.

No, no, no, you're right. Yeah, so maybe this is the first time there's been a prime minister and deputy as females. So the deputy is, maybe it's Therese, Therese Coffey. She's got a couple of accents. Therese. Oh, she's poshing up her name. Yeah, or Therese.

I'm not sure. Therese Coffey. Therese. She is the new deputy prime minister and health secretary. I'm looking at Liz Truss' new cabinet. I will say, you look at it and you're like,

oh man, great diversity. And then you roll down and you're like, oh, there's where you've tucked all the white men. That's still there. That's still there. So this was all announced, obviously, quite recently. It's all new. And Therese was on a news show being interviewed.

And then this happened. What's your question about your residences? Oh, you're right over there. You've got a phone ringing. Are you okay? I've just realised my alarm is going off on my phone. Oh, my goodness. What is the You've got a phone ringing. Are you okay? I've just realised my alarm is going off on my phone. Oh my goodness.

What is the alarm for? You're getting a bit of Dr. Dre. It's just an eight o'clock alarm. Sorry. It is Dr. Dre, is it? Can you hear it? Yes. A little bit in the background.

Dr. Coffee with Dr. Dre as the health secretary. It just gets better and better, doesn't it? So, this is what her alarm was. So this is, they're the Conservative Party, right? Yeah.

Yeah. I don't think Conservative, I don the conservative party, right? Yeah. Yeah. I don't think conservative, I don't immediately go to Dr. Dre. No. Especially not this big. The album 2001. And also, like, if you look at her, and this is the only time I will comment on her appearance, she doesn't look like a Dr. Dre. No.

No. She looks like she could be, you know, your mum making you a cup of tea and asking you how your day was and watching Cora. Right. Yeah. I mean, good on her to raise coffee. Great alarm. Oh, I know.

Yeah, I've heard alarm remixes of this song. Yeah. So she might have got an alarm remix. Yeah. Well, obviously, like, they're trying to make a great impression. Like, you know, they're taking over from Boris and it's all new and fresh and exciting. And this was, this was really funny. I think it humanised her.

But we wanted to know this morning, take some calls and some messages in about when your phone interrupted at just the worst time. Maybe your phone went off at a funeral. Oh, a wedding? A wedding. Maybe you were like in the wedding party standing up there, phone in pocket. During a job interview? Yeah. Like, it's so easy to put it on silent.

Just put it on silent. It's terrible. Like, I've had my phone go off how many times in like the middle of a theatre show or like a comedy show and they stop and they call you out. Oh. Have you seen those videos of like orchestras and the conductor? There's one where like the conductor, it's a huge orchestra playing Tchaikovsky or something and they hear a phone and he just stops the orchestra

and he turns around and he's like, who is it? Who is it? Taking your texts now and your calls about the times, the worst times when your phone has gone off. Yeah. Maybe at a funeral.

Yeah. The new Deputy Prime Minister of the United Kingdom, her phone went off. The best part about it, during an interview, the best part about it is it was a Dr. Dre alarm. Just didn't match the whole situation, did it? The sound did not match the image, but I love it for that. Some messages in. Somebody said, I was at the doctor's the other day.

The doctor had just prepared me for a digital rectal exam. Digital rectal? Yeah. Does your doctor go analogue? She's analogue. Here's the crank. Steam powered, isn't it? Lying over the

table, pants down, doctor lubed up finger, and my phone goes. Uh-oh. I always silent my phone if I'm going into a doctor's appointment. Yeah, always. Yeah. I had a doctor once

take a call when I was in there. Sorry about this. During the digital rectal exam. While he was in there. No, it wasn't a digital rectal exam. Hello.

I thought you said he took a call while he was in there. I've just got my finger in a man. Can I give you a call back? Okay, cool. Thanks.

Bye. Jeez. That's a wet bummer. That's why he's getting the rectal exam. My husband's text tone is gunshots. Oh, no. My grandad's funeral and everything was deathly quiet and then the gunshot

text went off. I hope he didn't die via gunshot. I know. Or a drive-by. Yeah. It was like traumatised. Grandad was a gangbanger. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley.

Play ZM. It's the worst time that your phone has gone off. Rebecca, what happened? So I was attending a seminar conference thing on anti-money laundering for work. Very important. Very, very important. They were paying me to be there, which was great. I just

kind of got to sit in the room and listen to people talk about terrorist financing and stuff. Kind of fascinating. Side question, though. How do I finance my terrorist sale? And launder the money? Where can I put it now? Because it's getting so hard.

It's got to be a car wash. A car wash. None of my nuclear arms dealers want to do cash anymore because they said it's a messy business. Oh, I'll hook out with my guy. Yeah, he's still happy to do under the table. Oh, phew. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Don't worry about it, business. Oh, I'll hook out with my guy. Yeah, he's still happy to do under the table.

Don't worry about it, Rebecca. Rebecca, you carry on now. And I'm also a good Sam first responder, which basically means if someone's going into cardiac arrest or something and I'm closest to the ambulance, I get an alert that goes off on my phone. Oh, that's awesome.

Are you a superhero? You're stopping money launderers and you're a first responder. It feels like you're the Black Widow or something. Oh, anti-money laundering is just my day job. Yeah, right. That's what superheroes say. Her night job is saving lives. Reporting is my day job, Clark Kent.

Yeah. So you're at this seminar. Yeah, and, you know, imagine if our phone's on silent, which I did. Yeah. But when this alert goes off, it is a very, very loud siren, and it'll go through even if your phone's on silent.

I mean, someone could die. So they're sitting there talking about, you know, countering financial terrorism and all that kind of thing, and just this massive loud siren starts going off on my phone. Did you have time to explain what it meant? I felt too awkward. We meant to have our phones on silent, and I did, and I was like, I don't know what to do in this situation,

and I ended up having to reject the call. Oh, so they died. But they died, did they? Did they? I don't think so. You didn't fall? I mean, they don't tell me. They don't tell me that.

Ironically, it was a terrorist attack. The person who was having the heart attack. The person who was funded illegally through money laundering. Full circle. Rebecca, thanks for your call. Charlotte, what happened? When did your phone go off at the worst moment? So it wasn't my phone.

It's actually my mum's. Her and my dad have a funeral business and they're in the middle of a funeral. Right. And she left her phone on loud. Why'd she do that? So it was in between speeches and my sister called her,

and my sister's ringtone is the theme song for Star Wars. If that was Vaughn's funeral, I would say something like, Vaughn would have really loved that. He would have loved that. Let it keep ringing. Let it ring. Let it ring to voicemail.

Thanks, you're cool. Dan, what happened? When did the phone go off at the worst moment? Hey, guys. Well, I was trying to, I've got a customer that seems to have a sort of problem-free resolution, and I try to avoid him with a plague. And I saw him actually walking across, and I grabbed my phone and pretended to be on it, and I was talking on my phone just the other way.

And he walked right over to me, and he stood in front of me about two metres away, and it was sort of of I was just like put my fingers up say hey look I'm on a call sorry and the bloody phone rang. Oh dude. I can't see.

If you're going to fake a call if you fake a call you've got to put it on silent or what I do you just ring one of the first numbers on my phone it's Air New Zealand

the 0800 line and they're not answering that for five hours. Oh, Pat. So then they see you're on a call. Rookie mistake. Yeah. You could ring 0800 001 001.

You'll never get through to Watt now, in my experience. Very true. They've got all those teleops. None of them are seeming to be answering my phone. Dan, thanks for your call. Sarah, let's finish up with you. When did your phone go off at the worst moment? Good morning.

I work in HR and I just started my new job and early in the day, early in the morning I'd been listening to that song Big D Energy. I'll keep it PC. What is that? Yeah, yes, that one. And I'd been talking to my friend on the way to work

and I'd been playing that song. So by the time I got to work and hung up the phone, you know how it reverts back to the song at home? I walked across an open plan floor up to one of the executive members and that song started cranking at the worst moment

possible. It was the Juicy P part. Juicy Peach? Yum yum yum? Juicy Peach? Oh wow Oh my god Worst moment Worst moment

Amazing Sarah thank you A couple of text messages To finish Somebody A few funeral messages Actually Yep

I've been in the middle Of a funeral And my phone Started going off Very loudly And it was one of those ones and then I pulled it out of my bag

to turn it off and it fell and it hit the ground. Oh, and you can't find it. You're scrambling. Yeah, absolutely.

In the middle of a karakia at a formal work lunch celebrating Matsuriki and my MC Hammer ringtone went off. I can't touch this. Ba-na-na-na. Ba-na-na-na.

Ba-na-na-na. Ba-na-na-na. Um, okay, this is weird. We were getting married, and halfway through our vows, I could hear a landline ringing. Okay. Who's still got a landline? A church would still have a landline.

Yeah, maybe, maybe. They don't say exactly where it was, but, yeah, we had to, like, pause so someone could go and answer the phone, mostly just so it would stop interrupting the ceremony. I will love you until the day that... You're my...

I'll be back. Play. ZDM's Fletchvorn and Hayley. Hey, you on the phone, I bet I can guess your mum's name. We welcome to I Bet I Can Guess Your Mum's Name this morning. Catherine, hello. Hello.

Good morning, guys. Good morning. Now, Vaughan will tap into his psychic abilities now. He'll ask you five questions about your mum and then have 15 seconds to try and guess her name. If he can do that. With your express permission. Yes. Also. With your express permission. Yes.

Obviously, without saying. And $100 if he can do that. Vaughan, first question. Good morning, Catherine. Good morning. Good morning. Catherine, Catherine, Catherine, Catherine. Catherine Zeta-Jones, Catherine Heigl, Catherine Hahn, Catherine.

Catherine the Great. Manson, Manson. Catherine Mansfield. Great. Manson. Manson. Catherine Mans... Field. Field. The writer. What, is this helping in any way? I'm just trying something new.

Okay. Don't question the process. Catherine, how old is your mother? She is 67. 67. 67, okay. Nearly nice. Oh, grow up, Sproul.

Do you know that? Seriously, Catherine, call us back in two years. Yeah, call us back in two years and we'll have a good laugh. Grow up, Sproul and Fletcher. Nice. Nice. Nearly. So what are we talking, 50s?

Nearly nice. We're talking 50... 1956. So what are you thinking? A Betty? 67. A Betty? In the 60s.

No. 67. So it pushes it back into the 50s. A Christine? Two over. 1655. I'm back on my Post-its buzz. Okay.

Not Post-its. What do you call these? Notepads. Notepads, yeah. I'm going to go Susan. I'm going, yeah. I'm going to go Susan. I'm going to go, I'm going to go, I'm going to go. Well, you've got to go Karen. Always got to go Karen.

Karen's always got to be on the list. You've got to go. And Anne. A Helen. A Jean. A Jean. Like Jean Batten. Jean Batten.

Yeah. Gloria. We said Jean and then Gloria. Gloria Jean yeah the cafe or Esteban okay

Estefan Gloria Estefan I might go Coffee Club come on everybody let's do the conga come on we'll make sure

you put down McCafe the show sponsor Donna I'll put McCafe yeah absolutely get them in there I won't actually

put down any competing coffee brands it'll be McCafe, I don't know. I know. Don't answer. McCafe. Suck it, Robert. Diane.

Anne. Diane. Anna. Anne. Good run from this. Good run from this. Yeah. Okay, next question.

What's mum's favourite car game? We were just talking about Uno before. Does mum get into a bit of Uno? No, not really If I had to pick a car game I'd probably say Last Card Oh, I love Last Card Oh yeah, okay

That's Uno! No, it kind of is Uno It technically is Uno is a branded Last Car But it doesn't have pick-ups and stuff Yes it does Yes it does Fives and twos

Yes it does Twos and fours. And tens is reverses. Okay. Is it all like, so she's, does she do puzzles? Does she do puzzles? Oh, not really. Oh, okay.

We've been looking at puzzles, haven't we? Yeah. Puzzles, puzzles. Well, no, the puzzles wasn't the question. It was card. It was card games. Yeah. Last card.

Last call. Who likes Last card. Last call. Who likes last card? Last card. That didn't give you much, did it? Gambling. She's a gambler. She doesn't mind a... Dolly.

Raywin. Huh? Raywin. Dolly. Raywin's on the pokies. Yeah, like, who would you find at the Cassie? Sharon. Sharon.

I just literally wrote down Sharon. Sharon would be at the Cassie. Yvonne. Yvonne. On the slots. Yvette could be at the Cassie? Sharon. Sharon. I just literally wrote down Sharon. Sharon would be at the Cassie. Yvonne. On the slots. Yvette could be at the Cassie. You're thinking so. It's a Y. It's a Y.

You're thinking Y. Glenda. Glenda could be on the posties. You know Glenda and Trev come up to Auckland and love a visit to the Cassie. They just stay at the casino. Yeah. Maureen. Jules. Robin. Jules.

Robin. Jules. Yeah, Jules, Julia. Julie. Linda. Oh, Linda. I had a Linda. Linda on the list.

Linda was on the list already. Might go... Might go... Yeah. Okay. Might go Colleen. Yoo-hoo, early me. Okay, next question

What's mum What sweets does mum like Oh yeah Errr What's her like Bag of lollies She's gonna get some lolols She doesn't really

Does she do a pudding Does she have a favourite like Or like a bakery sweet Or a Oh yeah So it's a sweet Like a custard slice Yeah Ah a sweet. Like a custard slice. Yeah.

She's partial to a custard slice. She's a partial. Who loves, who's partial to a custard slice? Cheryl. Cheryl's. Oh my God, Cheryl earns the custard. Yeah, I bet she does.

She goes like this. And if there's a bit left in the paper bag, she'll rip the paper bag open and tongue it out. Tongue it out. Oh, what about sheree? That's something a sheree would do. Sheree would be absolutely tongue heavy on the custard square. You've got to lead with the tongue on a custard square, though.

Yeah. Because if you bite, it squeezes out the side. So to me, before you can bite, you've got to do some preliminary tongue work. You've got to be sucking and hoovering it at the same time. Yeah. Teeth and hoover. And that can be messy because even if you're sucking,

if it squirts out the side back where the hand is, I'm telling you the key, and ladies and gentlemen, quote me on this. If you're about to see somebody at a custard square, tell them they've got to do some preliminary tongue work. Yeah. Stub a stranger. They've got to do a bit of edging.

A bit of edging first around the outside of it. Yes. So that it's not. Yeah, I'd go around the entire edge. Yeah, that's what I meant. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Go around the edge and then you can do it so you create a bit of room. If you leave one spot untung, that's where it's going to burst.

Yeah, I mean, either way, it's a messy delicacy. Too messy. Because it's hard and soft. Yeah. It's all wrong. But if she's into them, she's into them. Well, that's helping form with some names, Catherine, somehow. I'm just writing down all the women I know that I've ever seen at a Custard Square.

Okay, great. Anna. Shirley. Carwin. June. That's not a 67-year-old mum's name. Carwin. No, not Carwin.

I've never seen Carwin eat a custard square. Yeah, remember we got delivered those custard squares once. Oh, the Den Heath custard squares. No, you're not vegan, are you, Carwin? No, just vegetarian. I do love a custard square.

Yeah, she does. Put Carwin on there. What is the older person's version of Carwin? Carmen. Carmen, yes. Okay. Next question.

What kind of car does mum drive? A, ready for it? Toyota Celica. Ooh. Racy. She's a Racy. Racy Tracy.

Oh, Racy Tracy. I can't remember if I've already put Tracy. These notes, I've got names written everywhere. Lorraine. God, that is such a, is she a hairdresser? That's such a racy car. What year, Salika? Because Salika's what, boss in the 90s, man.

Salika's used a pump. I've got no idea what year. Like a newish one or an older one? An older one. I hope he's safe. She might be sitting on a small fortune there. Some of those are actually worth quite a bit of money now. But Marie. Michelle. You know your mum's name. Too young be sitting on a small fortune there. Some of those are actually worth quite a bit of money now, but Marie. Michelle?

You know your mum's name. Too young. Too young. Real 80s name, that one. Shut up. Yeah, you shut your face. Gail. Gail. Girl racer Gail. I feel like you've got it with Trace. Heavy footed Fiona. Heather. Have you got a Heather? I haven't

got a Heather yet. I'm more than happy to add it to the list. Was that your last question or do you have one remaining? One remaining. What are her siblings' names? Your mother's siblings' names. Okay. Susan? Okay, wait a minute. Oh, we had Susan. We had Susan. We crossed that off the list.

Yep. Michael? Yep. No Michaels on the list. But maybe, what if she's transitioned? Yeah, you don't know. You don't know. And there's no Michelles. I didn't have a Michelle, but that would be the Michaels. We should do that to Vaughn one day.

That would be great. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. We should not do that to Vaughn one day. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. We've got some steps to take before then, like a different country of origin. Why does everyone want to get Vaughn cancelled? Do we enjoy this segment? Do we have fun? Do we have fun guessing the mum's name? Yeah, we have a lot of origin. Why does everyone want to get Vaughan cancelled? Do we enjoy this segment?

Do we have fun? Do we have fun guessing the mum's name? Yeah, we have a lot of fun. I just think we want to challenge you one day. Yeah, challenge me indeed. But you guys, the look in your eye, you're out to get me in big trouble. Susan and Michael.

Michael, Susan. Mark. Mark. Classic biblical. It's not going to be an M. It could be Marie. They could have been going with the M's. It could have going to be an M. It could be Marie. They could have been going with the M's. It could have been on an M thing.

Michael, Mark, Marie and Susan. Okay, all right. Well, does that give you any help? Does that? Deborah. Have you got a Paula? Have you got a Paula? I've got a, I'll put a Paula because I'm about to put one.

I was literally about to put a Pamela. Oh, don't, you're out of your damn mind there. Pamela. Yeah. All right. Well, Catherine Vaughan will now have 15 seconds to try and guess your mum's name. If he says it,

yell out, stop, that's my mum's name. Vaughan, are you ready? Um, I think so. He's got posters. All right, Catherine, here we go. Vaughan, your time starts now. Karen, Anne, Helen, Jean,

Gloria, Donna, McCafe, Diane, Elizabeth, Raewyn, Anne, Helen, Jean, Gloria, Donna, McCafe, Diane, Elizabeth, Raewyn, Sharon, Yvonne, Yvette, Glenda, June, Carmen, Jennifer, Tracy, Lorraine, Marie, Gail, Fiona, Heather, Deborah, Paula, Pamela, Maureen, Robin, Julie, Colleen, Shree, Cheryl, Marlene.

Are you kidding me? Wow, no, he didn't do it. He didn't do it. I didn't get to the end of my list. It's a tricky name. Catherine, what is your mum's name? Well, it better not be Marlene, Christine, Rhonda or Shirley. It's Rhonda.

What? What? What? You just ran out of time. It's written on the paper. Oh, no, It's written. It was the second to last name. When you started your list, I gave you the wind up.

You were going too slow. Yeah, you were like Pamela. Tristan. I have trouble reading my own writing sometimes. Surely, surely. Carween, Carween, producer enters away. I hereby give you power. Come on, he's written it on the paper.

No. He was words away from saying it. Dilly dally. What camera are we on? He only has 15 seconds. The camera can't read that close, Vaughn. Yeah, but he farted around. You said your time starts now.

And then he licked his lips and he took a breath. I did think, oh, he's going a bit slow today. Yeah, he went slow. Well, you faffed around and you've cost Catherine $100. No, I think the time started from when he started talking. Did you start it early? No, you said your time starts now and then, Vaughn, you went, licky lippies, little breath.

That's not our fault, though, is it? This isn't, you're not winning. I'm sorry, Catherine. I'm really upset by this. It's on the card. The time ended and you hadn't said the name Vaughan. This is on you. Catherine, what do you make of this whole situation? Catherine, I'm so sorry to you. I'm sorry

to Rhonda. I feel like Vaughan should pay me out of his own wages. I do too, actually. I do too. Because he faffed, didn't he? He did. He faffed around. I don't like that. I think we should play it back. And neither does your father.

And you'll be able to hear. Warren. David. What's your dad's name, Catherine? Robin. He was on the list too as the female version. Yeah, wow. Robin and Rhonda.

Robin and Rhonda. Catherine, unfortunately, you go home empty-handed today because of Vaughan Smith's dilly-dallying, whether or not he's going to pay you out of his own wages. I'm going to go back to a singular piece of paper. I would maybe take Vaughan to a civil... I feel like I lost valuable seconds flicking through my papers. I think she should take you to small claims.

I think so too. That would be a great small claim. Get the tribunal onto this. No, it's all good. Thank you guys. Thank you so much, Catherine. Thanks, Catherine.

Well, but I can guess your mum's saying back next week and hopefully you don't dilly dally this time. I mean, he guessed it, but slow, mate. Really disappointing.

Clay, ZM's, Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley. Just before we do, I would like to thank everybody I had amazing correspondence with yesterday

regarding water catchment areas. The Indus River, which is the main flooding river in Pakistan at the moment. I shared a PDF with a few people about the catchment area of that. Oh, my God. Which has led to the Pakistan floods, and everybody showed great interest. I just wanted everybody to know I appreciate you. This is because yesterday Vaughan promised a fact of the day, started talking it up at like 6 o'clock. And it lived up to all expectations.

I think it was a mixed bag of reviews. I'm happy to go back to the text machine. You've been a bit flat lately. You muck around with, I bet I can guess your mum's name. You've got wild fact of the days. What's going on? That's got nothing to do with the fact that I'm fat. Why did you call me fat in front of everybody?

I did not call you fat. See, you've been a bit fat lately. I said flat. No, you said music fat. Look, you've packed on a lot of weight recently. I can't say no to treats. I'm in a bad cycle. Look, you're beautiful.

You're a beautiful man. Shut up. Do you need us to sing? You are beautiful. Shut up. No matter what they man. Shut up. Do you need us to sing? You are beautiful. Shut up. No matter what they say. Shut up. Shut up.

All right, what is time for? Fact of the day, day, day, day, day. Do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do. Do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do- water takes 90 days to when it starts down the Mississippi River to when it leaves the Mississippi River. And pretty much the same with the Nile. You've nearly brought this up as many times as Hayley's been to Bali. I did go to Bali though recently. Do they have water there? They have water there. Not all of it

swimmable, but lovely. Because it seems like there may be some sort of magical link between the number 90 and water. Okay. Because here it is for the third time, and these things happen in three. The average time that evaporated water spends in our atmosphere is 90 days.

Evaporated water, like? Yeah. Evaporated, like water that evaporates from our oceans and our lakes. The average cycle is 90 days. Then what happens to it? It dries up. No, no, no, and then it rains back down. Oh, okay.

Yeah, the average time it stays in the... That blew my mind. I figured that it would just get sucked up and dropped straight away. The minute it hit the next landmass. Where does it go? Somewhere else. It just sits in the atmosphere. Humidity.

Until it's pulled into, like, clouds and stuff. It's the average. So there's obviously,'s pulled into like clouds and stuff. It's the average. So there's obviously like shorter times and longer times. I just don't know how the hell they... What if that drop of water that started going down that river, the Mississippi, got evaporated into the

clouds? I've also read this wrong. It's nine days, not 90 days. I put a... I put a decimal point days, not 90 days. I put a I put a decimal point when I was copying it. I put a decimal point in the wrong place. This show today has

made all over the show, hasn't it? They're not even close to each other a number. No, they're miles away. They're miles away. I did think it was a bit weird that water would evaporate and hang around for three months in the sky. Yeah, it's a long time for it to be up there. That's when you've written the wrong thing down. It's nine days.

Nine days. However, it's still quite long to get up there. Nine days. However, how long do you think when it drops back into the ocean, how long it could end up spinning into the ocean before it's evaporated again? Well, how far down does it go? The bottom ocean water, surely.

And also, what if it goes in a fish? A fish drink sack, because it's thirsty. It probably lasts a little bit longer. I don't know. How long does it stay there? A drop of water may spend 3,000 years in the ocean before being evaporated back up into the air. That's interesting.

I'm back. While a drop of water spends an average of just 9.0 days. Not 9.0 days. Yeah. Not 90 days. Are you sure you don't need to go get your glasses? I certainly do. You need some glasses.

I was, every time I've been driving since I've said that I'm kind of, long distance, I can read signs and stuff, but your mum bloody let me have it. Bev. What? Your bloody let me have it. Bev? What? Your mum let me have it. She messaged me saying, you're driving on the road? Yeah, you are.

You're sharing the road with us? Yeah. I was like, like a real telling off from your mum. Yeah, good. So every time I'm driving now, I think your mum's like in the passenger seat with me being like, can you see that sign? Can you see that sign? Can you see that sign?

You should. You need to go get your eyes checked. You do. You do. It's a danger. Yeah. Just give it a bit of a squint to make sure it was nine. Yes, it is nine.

The number nine. So today's fact of the day is the average. Today's fact of the day was wrong. It was wrong. So it's been redacted and reissued as actual fact. Okay, so today's reissued fact of the day. A drop of water may spend 3,000 years in the ocean before being evaporated into air,

while a drop of water spends an average what? Of just nine days in the atmosphere before it evaporates. Fact of the day, day, day, day, day. Ah. I think I might be pregnant. Why? I can smell everything. I had an almond. There was ham in this lunchbox yesterday. I can smell the ham in her lunchbox from yesterday.

This is so weird because this is what we're about to talk about. But it doesn't smell like ham. Do you smell like ham? It smells like relish. You've got a talk about. No, but it doesn't smell like ham. Oh. Do you smell like ham? It smells like relish. You've got a hammy scent. I don't think I smell like ham. A little bit of a ham. Well, it's time now for our impossible phone-in topic.

Yes. A topic that we think is so hard we're not going to get any calls. And it's happened like once. And sometimes we might get maybe one call or two. That's kind of it, but it's not on the money. So today we are searching and we're on the hunt for someone who has super, like ultra heightened senses. Now, this can happen when you lose a sense, right?

And your other ones, yeah, like a lot of the time they say people who are blind have really good hearing. Yeah. They can hear the echoes of things and whatnot to help them, you know, walk. You're talking about Daredevil. Basically, yeah. The superhero Daredevil echolocation.

Essentially. One of my favourites. Can't wait for him to rejoin. Well, this is where this comes from. There is a woman, Joy Milne. She's 72 years old from Perth in Scotland. Yeah. I've been there before.

OG Perth. It's absolutely fine. Yeah. It would be fine to live in. Fine? It's not a glowing... I don't know that I'd rush back to Perth in Scotland. Yeah.

It's fine. Right. Okay. She has a rare condition that gives her a hypersensitive sense of smell. She can smell ham in lunch boxes. So Vaughn, even though I have scrubbed this with dish soap, dried it and refilled it with relish and hummus. Yeah. Your manky steamer, you opened it up and Vaughn could even though I have scrubbed this with dish soap, dried it and refilled it with relish and hummus. Yeah.

Your manky steamer, you opened it up and Vaughn could smell your ham. There's ham. I was going to say, is there any ham out in the producer's booth maybe that's whiffed in? What are you talking about? There's no ham in here. It's gone now, but I had a real smell of ham. Probably the mince that's in your beard from last night.

Hummus. Hummus. Let me have a sniffy hummus. There's carrot, hummus, there's a bit of relish, there's a chocolate thing and some nuts. It may night. Hummus. Hummus. There's carrot, hummus, there's a bit of relish, there's a chocolate thing and some nuts. It may be the hummus.

Okay, so you can smell Hayley's hummus. Yeah, but your scent sucks because you think that my hummus smells like ham.

Do you need a minute there? No, I'm fine. I'm going to plough on. Let me plow on. I'll move this forward for us. So her super hypersensitive sense of smell means she can't smell hummus or ham, but she can smell Parkinson's in people.

Which blows my mind because what the hell is Parkinson's? It's a neurological disorder. It slowly starts deteriorating. But it's like how dogs or cats can sniff out tumours. Sniff COVID or tumours. They can smell COVID because it's a virus that's present. And you expel the virus. It lives in your throat.

And a tumour is like a growth that you would be able to smell. But what is Parkinson's? You wouldn't think it would have a smell. Yeah. It's not a, yeah, I don't know. So her husband, Les. Good old Les. Hello, Les.

Yeah, good old Les. That is such a Scottish man. Also, Les is not going to be able to let off any sneaky farts, is he? Oh, my God. No, God, no. If she's got this hypersensitive nose. Well, he developed, he's got Parkinson's, and she claims that when he developed Parkinson's,

he, no, so that he got this smell when he was 33 years old. His whole entire scent changed, and she was like, you're different. There's something different about you. And then 12 years later, he was diagnosed. What? And then they were like, she was like, I wonder if that's got something to do with it.

So then she went to get investigated by these scientists and they got her, you know, to identify people that had Parkinson's and those that didn't. And she said, I can smell it. It's a scent. I can't put my, you know, I can't describe what it smells like, but I can smell out Parkinson's. And now they are using her to try to identify an early detection or like how they might be able to get rid of Parkinson's. That is insane. Because what is she smelling? Here's a conundrum.

Imagine you're her. You're at the supermarket and some young person walks past you and they smell like Parkinson's. Do you then tell them that this is imminent in their life? Because she said he was 33 when it changed. I'd want to know because I'd stop in the choccy oil. You'd just start giving up.

Live your life. Live your life. Yeah. So this is what I wanted to know. I get a couple extra bottles of wine. Yeah. I get a lasagna topper. Do you know what?

I'm going to get to the counter. I'm going to buy some durries. Why not? You won't get me Parkinson's. So this is what we want to ask this morning. It's our impossible finding topic. Do you have a heightened sense? Yeah, like a hypersensitive sense.

I can hear very high pitch frequencies. Like I can hear my partner's tools charging. I can hear the heater. I can hear the fridge constantly. And I'm always like, oh my God. That's horrible. What a horrible world to live in. But Aaron can't hear it at all. But I'm like like, oh my God. That's horrible. What a horrible world to live in. But Aaron can't hear it at all.

But I'm like, what's the next step on that? Maybe you can smell out something others can't. Like a dog. All right, well 0800-DARLS-AT-M give us a call.

You can text as well 9696 for our impossible phone-in topic. Smell, taste, hear, touch,

and sight. And umami. Maybe you can see through things. And the impossible phone-in topic. We want to know if you've got a heightened sense a woman in the UK can sniff Parkinson's disease. Yeah, and now scientists are actually trying to like harness this skill to help them.

Renee joins us. Good morning, Renee. Is this you that has the heightened sense? No, it's my husband. What can he sense? What is it? He can sense when I'm due for my period. Oh, okay.

What sense does he use? I knew you'd ask this. Can you hear the tone in your voice getting shorter and sharper? does he use? I knew you'd ask this. Can he hear the tone in your voice getting shorter and sharper? Well, that could be one of the things, but no,

if he gives me a kiss, he can smell garlic around my nose and my mouth and he says, you're going to get your period in a day or two and he's always spot on.

What? Is he a vampire? Garlic, blood? What? Yeah, maybe. Okay, wow. And does he have a heightened smell for anything else? No,

just that. And is he right? Like, when he says that? He's always spot on every time. He's like a period tracker. Yeah. Except he's not selling you information to businesses and government. He's not working for some US states, you know. Are you sure he's not selling you information to businesses and government. He's not working for some US states, you know. Well, that must be.

Are you sure he's not faking it? I mean, if you've got a regular cycle, you could just say that this is something. Yeah. He's not the sort of person to kind of keep track of anything like that. Yeah, right. Yeah, and even I don't track it. So when he says, oh, yeah, you're going to be due for your period, I'm like, oh, okay, great. Have you tried to mouthwash?

I don't mean to be rude, Renee, but have you tried to mouthwash? I might try and confuse him and see if it changes. Yes, see if it changes. Eat some garlic bread. Yes. Mid-cycle. Renee, thanks for your call. Fascinating.

Some text messages. I can smell on my kids' breath when they're going to get sick. I can smell the smell, and usually within the next 24 hours, they'll get sick. Wow. Sniff out an illness. Okay, well, keep your texts coming in. 9696 0800 dials at M if you've got a heightened sense. Take some more calls next.

It's not impossible, though. It's not impossible though. It's not impossible. Well, the impossible phone in topic has turned out to be not so impossible at all. Inundated. And the inundated phone in topic. We want to know if you've got a heightened sense. A woman in the

UK, it turns out she can sniff out Parkinson's disease. Yeah. And we just heard about the boyfriend that knows when a period's coming. Yes. Because it's garlicky. It's garlicky around the nose and mouth. Crazy. Okay, so There's so many, the smell, people's

sense of smell. Stacey, what can you hear? What's your heightened hearing? It's a bit random, but I can hear, like, high-pitched electronic frequency type things. Like, I can hear when a tally's going on in a room and I'm nowhere near it. I can just hear it turn on and hear the background of it, kind of.

It's an awful sound, eh? It's like... Yeah, and it's high-pitched. Yeah, yeah, and the same with, like,. It's like... Yeah, and it's high-pitched. Yeah, yeah. And the same with, like, when there's power tools charging, I can hear the charges and stuff like that. Wow. Yeah.

Hayley, so do you have to unplug the fridge in a hotel room, in a motel room? Always. No, no. The fridge doesn't... The fridge doesn't... No, that doesn't seem so high-pitched. But, yeah, definitely TVs are the big one.

That's really irritating. So can you not watch the TV, or do you not enjoy it? I can, but it only seems to be when it's on. But the volume's down, so if the volume's on, it kind of, yeah, right. It's got like a... Yeah. I remember those old tube TVs used to have that. You could hear an old tube TV going...

Maybe that was just because I was young when tube TVs were out, though. I don't know. Yeah. Stacey, thanks. You're called Marie. What's your height and sins? I can smell when somebody's about to get a cold. What does it smell like?

What can you smell? It smells a bit gross. It's quite hard to describe. I mean, to me it just smells like a cold, but what does that smell like? I'm not sure. So if you're living with someone and they're about to get a cold, they themselves, their body starts to emit a smell.

Yes. Wow. And you just know, and you say to them, you're about to get a cold, and they're like, whatever. Yeah, pretty much, yeah. So somebody else just messaged in, they can smell a cold coming over. They say it's a garlicky smell. No, the periods are the garlicky smell. Yeah, it's definitely not garlicky.

Okay, so they say they can smell the garlicky smell on their friends, and they'll say to them, I think you should hit some vitamins pretty hard for the immune system. And I did this to my best friend once. I said, you're going to get sick. Next day, she woke up feeling terrible. She was away from work for five days and stayed in bed the entire time she had to be.

She thought it was a curse. Does it work for COVID, Marie? I don't know. I haven't been around anyone with COVID. The only way I could describe it, you know. You know when you're feeling a bit sick yourself and you're quite nasally and a bit scuffy and that smell in your nose, it's quite like that.

Like boogers. Like snotty. Yeah. Green snot. You can smell snot. Marie, thanks for your call. Lots of messages in. Oh, yeah.

Here's some of the highlights. Okay. My mum could hear the Christchurch earthquakes coming. Oh, like a cat. Like a rumble. Like cats and dogs have a sense, don't they? Because they're sensitive. They're touching the earth on their sensitive feet. Yeah. So they can feel more

minute. Yeah. Yeah. Vibrations and stuff. I can smell dehydration. It's how I can tell if my kids have had enough water to drink. I can't compare the smell to anything, but it's like a pungent, and it almost rolls to the back of your throat like cigarette smoke. I can, as part of my job, also work in a hospital sometimes and can smell different medications on patients.

And the smells are the strongest coming from the top of their head. Wow. That's so weird. My mum took some kinna once to make shell decorations, but threw out the meat. That week she started smelling salt, and she said she's never been able to stop smelling salt since she thinks she's been cursed.

By the cursed kinna? By the god of the sea. Yeah, right. To smell salt forever because they wasted kinna. If we put salt on a meal, she screws her face up. Oh, wow. Like somebody farted at the table. Oh, wow.

A lot of smell ones, eh? Yeah. I can see electricity in the air on sunny days and when I'm flying on the plane, it looks like tiny millions of lightning rods. What? Wow. Wow. My nana can smell diabetes She's diagnosed many of her friends

They tell her to stop being stupid And then they have all the symptoms Yeah, and they go get checked And they've got like late stage You know when you get old You kind of get diabetes It's one of the things you just kind of get, don't you? Yeah, yeah

I can smell when my I can smell when my kids have been eating dried apricots. Okay, that's probably just a little bit. Does it smell a bit like dried apricots? It smells a bit like dried apricots. I can smell when someone's got a temperature. Oh. Because they're sweaty?

Yeah. I can smell when someone's turned on. Pheromones. They can smell it. It smells like an empty spaghetti can. Like metal. Metal and spaghetti. They smell like tomato, sugar, and metal.

Well, what if you're on a bus and you can smell that? Like you're sitting next to someone and it gets really strong. Yeah. Yeah. My partner can smell pregnancies. He had a doctor once and he said, I can smell your baby. And she was only a few weeks pregnant and hadn't told anybody. And it really freaked her out.

Wow. That is freaky. Yeah. I want a cool one. I want to be able to smell if you're rich. You can. They smell like, what's that? Gucci.

Yeah, yeah, right. Well, if you enjoyed that, give us a rating and review and be sure to tell your mates. You know what? I reckon your script reading is getting better. Thank you. I give it five stars. Thank you.

Just like I give this podcast. I'm telling my friends about your's getting better. Thank you. I think it is too. I give it five stars. Thank you. Just like I'd give this podcast. I'm telling my friends about your script reading too. Thank you. Much like I'm going to do about this podcast. Thank you, Vaughan and Hayley, for that. Good boy. ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley.