ZM's Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley - Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley Podcast - 9th August 2022

Episode Date: August 9, 2022

Top Guns box office chartsWhat does your partner do that's weirdly hot?Top 6: Boarding schoolCat ChatTradeMe or Facebook Marketplace?Vaughans saw a near car crashFact of the Day Day Day Day Daaaaay!See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Hello, welcome to the Fleeche, Vaughan and Hayley podcast at Sanctimate Cafe. Download the McDonald's app and earn rewards on your coffee. Now, I don't want to let this fame go to my head, but I received quite a few messages in the last 24 hours of my GIF being used on a, I believe it's a girls vibratory Instagram page. A vibratory. A vibratory. Girls get off. Girls get off.

Girls get off. I've got one of these. It's, what is it called? The Missy Mini Vibrator. They were doing like a poll or they were doing a question box and results or something. And I was the Jeff. Yeah. Down the bottom of it.

And I got tagged on it so many times. People were like, I'm this. What was your Jeff? Oh my. Oh, looking naughty. It was like like share those secret confessions with us and then people like to put a box and then someone said me and my boyfriend are having a threesome with my ex yeah so girls get off oh by the way can we just pause

and do a sidestep and talk about these jeffs yeah because if you search for our jeffs yours come up but not mine was it wasn't was mine were mine not good car Carween? Oh, yeah, this is... Did I... Was I looking rough? This is awkward. Do you... We can't hear you. Oh.

And it's not that thing this time. Oh, what is it? It's your end. There we go. Is it me? Yeah. Yeah. If you search Hayley, you come up.

Yeah, but not... Like, two of them. Well, you've got a plain, trashy name. So there's many Hayaley's before you. It's just all about how many times they've been used to the further up they show. So we need to start using yours more. Because this is the second time this has happened

that Real Housewives of someone used my Survivor Torch one and everyone was like, oh my God. Oh yeah, your Vanderbilt. Yeah. Vanderbilt. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. We've got to get mine popping off. Anyway.

Speaking of popping off. But what is this? Because everybody's like messaging. Girls Get Off, what is this? So Girls Get Off is a New Zealand website. Hashtag join the mastication. Yeah. They also, they have a vibe,

like a, it's like the Satisfyer Pro, but it's mini. Isn't it New Zealand made? Yeah. Or is it, no. No, it's mini Isn't it New Zealand made? Yeah No No it's probably New Zealand design Yeah it is

Is there a factory Capable of making them In New Zealand? Probably Or is it like a Hand made Do you know what they do They

Hand carved Between the hours Of 11pm and 3am They turn this Sistema plastics factory Into Oh my god A vibratory

Yeah And they pump them out then Oh my God. If you search, I don't want to go back and forth, but if you search Hayley ZDM, they don't come up. No one wants to use my gifs.

Look, it's not about you. Stop trying to steal my limelight here. I'm a jiff gamer. She's not used to sharing the stage. Yeah, but you're getting it for a female sex positive website. Yeah. I'm all about sex positivity.

I own this vibrator. Is there anything on this website for me? No. And also there's the Girls Get Off podcast. Hot horny listen. And then there's the Girls Get Off After Dark Facebook groups. Oh yeah, those are wild.

Have you heard about these? People go on and they share the crazy shit. I didn't know they were a Girls Get Off. I've heard of the After Dark pages. Do they have their own After Dark pages? Yeah, they do. Wow. It's fantastic. Shall I see what's up there today? No, it's actually a secret circle of women.

You're not allowed. But my vagina. Play ZM's Fletch Vaughan and Hayley. Hayley, you've just come from a late shift at Briscoe's, haven't you? I've bought a bad shirt. I've bought a bad shirt. I've purchased a bad shirt. The thing happens. I don't think it's a bad shirt.

It just does look like a shirt you'd wear if you were doing a Briscoe's. But the fit of it, who is like? Have I seen? Although at Briscoe's, I'd please ask you to do a couple more buttons up. I tried to sexy it up. We don't need your tits to sell forks, sweetheart. We'll do a sale this weekend, I reckon. It was a last-ditch attempt.

I'm pretty sure, is it Big Save have a light blue shirt as the uniform? Have I seen Lily from Big Save on the ads? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Perhaps. In a lovely blue shirt like that? I was filming something last week and they said bring a couple options for tops and I'm low on tops. So I just popped out to

the shops and saw this and I thought that'll look nice on TV and I didn't end up using it and I put it on this morning in the dark and that's why I undid the buttons because I thought a bit of breast might take away the kind of retail vibe of it. Yeah, yeah, I've got that. You just do what I do when you turn up and they ask you to bring a couple

options. You don't. You're like, I don't have anything. We're different. We're different. We're different people. I'm a people pleaser. Whereas I own only shirts of a very, very basic colour. Yeah. You can borrow this one, actually. Good luck. The top

six is coming up. Yeah, the top six are other things that Sam Offendell cannot remember from boarding school. This is the new national MP for Tauranga. Yeah, the big story is that after 22 years after viciously beating another student, he apologised and then just a little while later

entered politics to which the person was like, it's unusual you're apologising to me 22 years later. Oh, you only apologised so that when this comes up, if you become a high profile member of parliament, you can say you that when this comes up, if you become a high-profile member of Parliament, you can say you've already apologised for that. Whoopsie. Oopsie. It's the big, it was the big political headline yesterday, wasn't it?

Yeah. So I've got the top six other things he can't remember from boarding school. All right, coming up at eight this morning, our grocery grab again. You're on the super fast checkout. With this shirt on, I'm ready for my again. You're on the super fast checkout. With this shirt on, I'm ready for my shift. You really are. So your chance to win, all thanks to the warehouse. Lots of warehouse

credit up for grabs. Give vouchers. Next on the show, a movie that I haven't seen. Neither. Neither. We did debate seeing this before Banger's Bingo tonight in Dunedin. We do have a lovely two-hour window, don't we? I propose seeing The Minions.

That's something I also want to see. Producer Anna has said the timing's too tight. There's no time. There's just not enough time. There's no time for shenanigans. But a movie has now beaten Titanic. Unbelievable. Tell you what that movie is next, if you haven't guessed.

And it's not the Minions. No, it's not the Minions. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley. Well, the movie Top Gun, the sequel. Do they call it a sequel? Top Gun Maverick? Yeah. They didn't call it Top Gun 2, did they?

Top Gun Maverick. That has now passed Titanic as the seventh highest grossing release in US history. So US domestic market. Yeah. Gotcha. Which is, I guess, where all the records are, right? Yeah. I mean, they have worldwide.

But yeah, it's beaten that, earning $662 million in ticket sales, just from the movies. I think my last solo show I did, I got about $432 in ticket sales. Your last comedy show? Yeah, so that's where am I on the list? Way down. Right. Way down. That's crazy.

Titanic's always known for being the biggest this, the biggest opening week, the biggest this. And then when people surpass it, I'm like, it's a great film, Titanic. So it's overtaken the biggest film in the 110-year history, James Cameron's epic, yeah, because he did Titanic, didn't he? Yes, he did. James Cameron. Still outpacing Tom Cruise's adventure outside of America,

$1.5 billion at the international box office and $2.2 billion globally. Jeepers, Chris. So much money. Apparently it's an amazing movie, Top Gun Maverick. Do we know how much Tom Cruise got paid to do Top Gun? Ooh, that might need a Google. I don't know.

Give it a Google. So yeah, he's 13th. I just looked up on IMDB, internationally, the most money ever made. Top Gun Maverick is just behind Avengers Age of Ultron and Frozen 2. And at $1.4 billion worldwide. Salary for Top Gun Maverick, what do you think? I've got it here. $69 million. Nice. Will it be a lower bid? He I've got it here. $69 million.

Nice. Will it be a lower bid? He'll be getting residuals? $100 million. As a fee? As a fee, yeah. Oh, my God. But to be fair, they paid for him, and it paid off because...

Delivered, yeah. Well, he couldn't not be in it, right? If he wasn't in it, people wouldn't have gone. Who else is in it? Miles. Miles Teller. Yeah. He plays the son of Anthony Edwards' character, right?

Goose. We're going to see it. Yeah, I really want to see it. It's one of those big screen ones, right? Did you read out the other top five movies while I was Googling? No, I just did the ones around Top Gun Maverick. Yeah, so it goes Titanic, Top Gun, Black Panther, Avatar, Spider-Man No Way Home, Avengers Endgame,

and Star Wars Force Awakens. That's America. Yeah, that's America. Lifetime, Around the World, Global Box Office, Avatar is number one. Avengers Endgame is number two. Titanic is still three. Star Wars The Force Awakens, four.

Avengers Infinity War, five. Wow, okay. And Spider-Man No Way Home, that's the highest. Until you get to Top Gun Maverick, that's been released since the pandemic. Wow. Where's Minions? Yeah, where's Willy Wonka?

Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory. It wouldn't surprise me. The OG one, OG. Oh, Minions is in there. In 2015 and at number 23, $1.159 billion. Where's Breakfast at Tiffany's? Breakfast at Tiffany's not, I don't believe, present. Not enough sort of crashes and bangs or explosions.

Action, not a big blockbuster. No. A lady has tried to stab her husband. The police have arrived. They've intervened. The neighbours heard screaming. They heard a kerfuffle. And they arrived there and the husband was amid explanation to the wife

that he'd done nothing wrong. She was stabbing him because of the photo she found on his phone of him with a younger woman. Goodness me. Oh, gosh. I mean, that's not a reason to stab someone. I'll just put it out there and say. Certainly isn't. No. Certainly isn't. What a dirtbag. Well, no. He deserved a little

poke. He deserved something? A little poke. Scratch or a poke. Right. No, he didn't because those were photos of him and her when they were dating. He just had them digitised and sent to him so he could have digital copies of the photos, and he had them all on his phone as well. So the girl in the photo was...

Was her. Her. When they were younger and dating. And she couldn't remember. Yeah. She didn't recognise herself. She didn't recognise herself, because she was, like, way younger and hotter. Yeah. Because it was, like, 20... Who's that hot young thing? Yeah. Jesus. She didn't recognise herself. She didn't recognise herself because she was like way younger and hotter.

Yeah. Because it was like 20. Who's that hot young thing? Yeah. How dare you hang out with this hot young thing? This beautiful 10 out of 10. Yeah. And he must be ageing all right.

Yeah, well, you'd imagine. Must be looking pretty similar. Yeah. So why were they, he sounds like a romantic man in terms of I want to take our old photos. Excuse me. Digitise them. Digitise them. Digitise them so I can carry them around. But she sounds like a psycho because wouldn't you just be like,

who the hell is that? And have a little Barney and then he could explain it rather than going straight for the knife? We could think so. Unless he'd been naughty previously. Oh, yeah, true. You know, he's got a track record for this sort of thing. It takes a lot for me to reach for the knife, you know? I've never even thought to reach for a knife, to, true. You know, he's got a track record for this sort of thing. It just takes a lot for me to reach for the knife, you know?

I've never even thought to reach for a knife, to be honest. Neither. No, no. Just like big stuff, though. You know. Just like in a threatening way. But I'm not going to do it. Just a tap.

Just like, I'd just like to have a conversation, but it's in my hand. Right. And I'm sort of waving it around conversation, but it's in my hand. Right. And I'm sort of waving it around to make my point. While you're preparing dinner. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, right, okay. I might get a bit fast and loose with it. It doesn't mean I'm going to stab him.

It's crazy behaviour. Yep. So anyway, she got in a bit of trouble. Where did this happen? Mexico. Oh, right, okay. Do you think that their marriage will survive an accusation like this and a bit of stabbing? I love that Burns is that hot. Well, right. Okay. Do you think that their marriage will survive accusation like this and a bit of stabbing? I love that Burns is that hot.

Well, surely. Yeah. A lot of passion in there. Yeah, a lot of passion. That's maybe what he loves about her. Oh, she's a fiery one. She's a handful. Oh, bloody hell.

She's a handful. Next on the show, the top six. Yeah, the top six other things. Ben Orphan Dell maybe can't recall from boarding school, allegedly. This is the new good luck suing us for defamation now

the new the new national party nice covering Tauranga MP who apologised to somebody 22 years after

viciously beating them with the leg of a bed right which is apparently removable prestigious King's school as well and this is the good

part about it yeah all the stories are coming out about King's now everyone loves getting a boot into a private school don't they you know where public school is private school trashies god how embarrassing

I went to school in the hood Queen Margaret's it's formed in the hood of Wellington it's formed in the hood? Yes. Of Wellington is Thorne's in the hood? It is. Very much so. I got cat chat. My cat has been such a, like, baby.

Baby, recently. Like, we had friends staying. They had a five-year-old. Yeah. Didn't see Rolly for three days. Oh, I can't blame them. Yeah, cats that aren't used to kids don't like kids. Can't stand kids, and now he's sort of, like, rattled.

And we've got another friend staying last night, and he's being all sheepish and stuff. You let too many people stay. I do. Like, too many people. Do they know about motels and Airbnbs and hotels? Do they know about these things? Look, I'm trying to get out of it.

Out? Like, I feel like every week you're like, we've got friends staying. I'm like, no, you don't. I know, we do all the time. It's just having that many friends that's blowing your mind. Yeah, no, that too. Our cat that we just adopted, Cheeto, who we got off executive intern Anya, and her foster, her kitty cat foster home is turning into an Adam Driver

cat. What do you mean an Adam Driver cat? Oh, one of these. Did you have any inkling it was going to be a very long faced cat? Do you want to take it back? No, I quite like having an Adam Driver cat. It's going to be a big cat. He's getting very long.

Long and like long in the face. Like real Adam Driver cat. Right. It's going to be a big cat. He's getting very long. Long and like long in the face. Like real Adam driver cat. Yeah, not maybe to that extent, but very Adam driver. Right. The longish face. Because your cat's been licking your meat as well. My cat's been licking my meat. I still haven't decided whether or not I'm

going to eat it or not. You know what I mean? We left a chicken thigh on the bench. I don't know. Right. Anyway, according to a study, cats love people who hate them. In general, they love people

who hate them because you're, like, the human's reluctance to stroke and, like, fuss them. Yeah.

Because, oh my God, we fuss. Oh, yeah, I fuss too. Oh, we fuss. And, like, Rolly will be lying, having a nice,

peaceful little sleep, all curled up. It looks so cute. And I literally announced to Aaron, I'm too. Oh, we fuss. And like, Rolly will be lying, having a nice, peaceful little sleep, all curled up. He looks so cute. And I literally announced to Aaron, I'm going to go fuss Rolly. Don't fuss him. I'm like, oh, I'm going to fuss him. Just because he's so sweet, I'm going to bury my face in his belly. And he's just trying to sleep. Yeah, yeah.

And he gets annoyed. That's why cats love people who hate them because they don't stroke them. And they're like, thank you. This is all I wanted was for you to just leave me the hell alone. Yeah. So cat people who are like, oh my god, I love my cat so much. Love me, love me. The cat loves you less than if you were like,

hey cat. Yeah. I remember growing up and there was a family like I had a friend. I had a friend who had a family. It was shocking. And we'd go around to their house and they just called their cat the cat. It didn't have a name. I like that. There's the cat.

There's the cat. I was like, what's the name? They're like, cat. Cat. It's just cat. They didn't fuss it. They didn't care for it. But it probably loved them even more for that reason.

It was still there for years and years and years. It kept turning up. Do you think cats appreciate people playing hard to get? It sounds like it. Hot people. Treat them mean, keep them keen kind of thing. Yeah. Everyone fusses over them so they're not too fussed,

but all of a sudden if someone's just like, meh, they're like, wait a minute, why? Like me. Yeah, like me. Because I love you. Yeah. Well, yeah, take you or leave you. Yeah.

Hey, they say if you are an incessant cat patter, there's the do not stroke areas. Now, my cat doesn't have these. You can stroke the paws, get in the belly, head in the belly. The cats don't attack. They'll, like, scratch everybody else in our house. But when I pat, I pat hard. And if they, like, turn to bite or claw, I hold them down.

And I'm like, two can play at that game. Yeah, they love it. And then it's, I'm alpha. So I never get scratched by the cats. Like, a couple of, you know, every now and then they'll need a little reminder who the top dog is. Yeah, that's you. Well, they say they hate to be touched at the base of their tail and on the stomach. Well, that's the bumhole.

Rolly loves it. No, not the base. Oh, the top of the tail. Yeah, they love it. I thought they loved that. Oh, my God. Rolly loves to be touched at the base of their tail and on the stomach. Well, that's the bum hole. Raleigh loves it. No, not the base. Top of the tail. Yeah, they love it. They love that. Oh, my God. Raleigh loves to be spanked. Really?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. If you, like, get right in the back where the tail is and you go, like, with quite aggression, he's like, I don't know if it's sexual, but he loves it. Sounds that, doesn't it? It certainly does. Well, he's got all that cut out. Do cats who have been neutered still get horned up? I don't know.

No, I don't think so, because they've taken it away, haven't they? Well, then he just loves a platonic spank. Blah, blah, blah. Blah, blah, blah, blah. This is the Top Six. Hi there. First of all, I've been saying Ben Orphan Dell a lot. I meant Sam Orphan Dell. Ben Orphan Dell is a Top Six. Hi there. First of all, I've been saying Ben Orphandale a lot. I meant Sam Orphandale.

Ben Orphandale is a fantastic writer and did that satirical New Zealand website, The Civilian. Oh, yeah. It was like our version of The Onion or The Bitterter Advocate. Very well done. This is Sam, another three-letter white man's name. You got your Dans, you got your Sams, you got your Bens, you got your... This is a big political scandal yesterday.

This is the new National MP for Tauranga. Yeah, remember there was that line-up when Simon Bridges left, there was a line-up of four almost identical white guys that wanted to represent National in Tauranga, but he was the tallest and I think that's why he won. People trust a tall man. They do trust a tall man. How's the weather up there?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Tell us what you can see coming, that sort of situation. But the big political scandal was it has come out that a vicious beating was received from Sam Orphan Dell and others at King's College in 99 that saw him have to finish his schooling at St. Paul's in Hamilton. So he was expelled. Or asked to leave. Asked to leave.

Oh, God. Which is expelled, right? I think that's, isn't that, you know, when someone resigns at work and they're like, I'm just leaving for personal reasons. Personal reasons. Spend more time with my family. Spend more time with my family. They do it so it doesn't stay on your record, eh?

I think so, yeah. And they don't look bad as well. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. I mean, look, there's a little bit of privilege being thrown away. Absolutely. I don't think mummy and daddy were short of penning. I don't think so either.

Not if you're going to King's. No. I've got the top six other things Sam often now maybe can't recall from boarding school. Okay. Allegedly. Number six. If he was sent there because his parents didn't love him or school. Okay. Allegedly. Number six, if he was sent there because his parents didn't love him or not.

Yeah. That was always the joke with the boarding school kids, wasn't it? Yeah. If you loved your kids, why didn't you want to send them away?

Okay, I honestly, if I was a parent, I'd send them to boarding school. Imagine all the free time. God. Because by then, you'd regret having them quite a bit.

Oh my God, yeah. You would absolutely loathe them. You'd be like, God, you. You loathe them. You're like, ew, are you still around? Yeah, yuck. Do you think your parents loathe you? Or loathed you as a teenager?

No, I am the light of my parents' life. Yeah, same. But obviously if I had kids. That's why we didn't go to boarding school. Yeah, exactly. They kept us local. Yeah, yeah. My mother cried every day when I left and clapped her hands with joy as I arrived home.

Most of the boarders at our school were like, they were all farming kids. But it was weird. Farmers famously hate their children. Well, no, because they live in the middle, the back blocks, like three hours away from any decent school. And so you can understand that. But it was when someone went to boarding school and like they lived near a school. Yeah, they lived in the city when someone went to boarding school and like they lived near a school yeah yeah they lived in the city

and they were a boarding school you were like your parents want you out because they're swingers yeah swingers that's immediately what I thought

too many putties right number five on the list of the top six other things Oofy can't maybe remember from boarding school yeah why the boys showers

always went through conditioner thrice as fast as they went through shampoo. I'm always heavy on the conditioner, though, because you clean it, but then you want it to be really soft. Yeah, I don't think that's what they were doing with the conditioner. Double in the hair. Yep. Okay, number four on the list of the top six other things

that Sam Orphanedale maybe can't remember from boarding school. If he was in Slytherin or not. He was. Yeah. He still has the Death Eaters tattoo. National Slytherin, eh? National Slytherin, yeah. Act as Slytherin.

What's national then? National Ravenclaw. Yes, yes, yes, yes. And what's Labour? Labour is... Gryffindor. Gryffindor, right. And the Greens, Hufflepuff.

Greens are Hufflepuff. They're big Hufflepuff. Because they're Hufflepuffing. Because they are huffing and puffing all day long. Big Hufflepuff. Okay. And New Zealand First isn't in this role play. No.

And top is Dobby the House Elf. The Opportunities Party is Dobby the House elf. The opportunities part is Dobby the house elf. Cute. Necessary. Number three on the list of the top six things Sam Miltivell, Orphanedale maybe can't recall from boarding school, are the other dumb things he's done. This was the quote in the article about it.

This is one of, one of the dumbest, stupidest things I've ever done. One of, meaning there's more. Tell us the other things. Some of them might be funny, like setting your pubes on fire at a party. Or upper decking somebody's parents' en suite toilet at a party. What's upper decking? It's where you do a poo in the cistern.

Why would you do that? It's upper decking. Have you guys never heard of upper decking? No, why would you do that? It's upper deck. Have you guys never heard of upper decking? No. Why would you do that? I'm an elegant lady. I can see a spark in your eye. You're like, God, you're just... Sometimes the morons will come out of you, and it's disgusting.

Have you, Vaughan, be honest. Have you upper decked? No, because I can't just squeeze out a poo. A poo's got to happen. But I know upper deckings happen. I remember there was a party at someone's house and then the next day, they messaged everybody and be like,

who did it? And we were like, what are you talking about? And they were like, who took a poo? And Dad's sister. Oh my God. I know, you guys have never heard about upper decking. Dad would hit the roof, eh? Oh my God.

Could you imagine that? Imagine if it came out. I was running for parliament. Yep. And someone comes out of the woodwork and they're like, 20 years ago, he took the button off the top of the toilet, took the lid off the top of the toilet, perched up there, pooped in the cistern and then put it all back together.

People wouldn't know what to do. Some people would be disgusted. Some people would be like, I think you'd get the heartlands vote. I totally. It's like, it's not a victimless crime because somebody has to deal with it, but it is a victimless crime. I don't think you've been winning over female voters.

No. In metropolitan areas. Always a gross. They are gross. Number two on the list of the top six things Sam Muffindell maybe can't recall from boarding school. If the cars in the student car park were mostly European, much like the students themselves, yes.

Mum's old beamer. Great excuse to upgrade the merc. She only had a safe car to drive to. She only had it two years. I know, but that's a long time in European cars. I mean, it's still grosser. It's two years old. Yeah. And the cream leather interior

is looking a bit worse. Also, you can't, what were the cars like that the students drove to? Queen Marge. Queen Marge's. I caught the Humble Bus, but there were a few BMWs around. We were strong at Morrinsville. We were strong Australian assembled. Yeah, starlets. And Japanese imports.

Yeah, lots of Ford. What were those little Fords that mum used to have? Ford lasers. strong Australian assembled. Yep. Starlets. And Japanese imports. Yep. Lots of Ford. What were those little Fords that mum used to have? Ford lasers. Lasers. Ford lasers. Lasers. Everybody had a laser.

There was a couple of Telstars out there as well, I tell you what. A Ford Telstar or two out the side of the school. And number one on the list of the top six things that Sam Orphanedale maybe can't remember from boarding school. God, what happened to all those biscuits? It's a boarding school classic. Hit it. Play it.

ZM's Fletch Vaughan and Hayley. A woman called Evangeline has shared on TikTok the do's and don'ts after checking into a hotel. She has a hotelier. She has worked in hotels her whole entire career. Yeah. First, she says, I mean, we've heard some horror stories. People cleaning their undies in the jug and then you make a cup of tea with undie juice.

Never use the jug. Undie juice. Never use the jug. Never use the jug. So firstly, these aren't that bad. First, she says, always clean the remotes with disinfecting wipes upon arrival. She sounds a little... Too much.

Retentive, you know what I mean? Was she a clean freak? A little bit. But she says give them a wipe because people are often on the bed, watching telly. Eating chips. Eating chips. Doing stuff.

Breathing fingers. Touching themselves. Touching them. Touching themselves. Touching the remote. You're touching them. Although since COVID, a lot of hotels and motels are putting the remote in a... They although since covert a lot of uh hotels and motels are putting the remote in a they were putting them in a like a plastic for sure and i

would say this isn't this is from america i reckon they i reckon they're a bit skanky over there do you know what i mean compared to the new zealand hotels that i said i would i would vouch do a bit of job i yeah we stayed in one when i went to Disneyland. Went to Star Wars celebration and yeah the hotel certainly wasn't taking any chances. I reported that something in my hotel was like broken it was like the towel rail. And the guy was just

like opened like hey and I was just like whoa. Small room I'm in here. No masks, no nothing. Like, yeah, that's well out the window now. That's all done and dusted. No, gross.

Secondly, she says, never drink out of the provided glasses without giving them a decent wash first. Yeah, because they don't wash them when they wash them. Yeah, if they don't look like they've been used as well. And also, I mean, I put my retainer in mine. I use one of those and I put my retainer in it at night. Yuck.

Yuck. Yuck. Next, she said, don't make yourself comfortable on that bedspread. It gets washed once a year. So the sheets obviously wash. I always chill on the top for a bit. No, you've got to take that off. But then everybody obviously chills on the top for a bit. Just know that you're sleeping in a bed that like hundreds of other people have slept in.

That's not nice. So she says, I whip that off as soon other people have slept in. That's not, no. So she says, I whip that off as soon as I get in there. That's gone. Then she says, scrolling down, fourth, she said,

wear flip-flops in the shower. That floor doesn't get scrubbed. Oh yeah, but like when you use the shower at the gym or anything, yeah. Fungi everywhere. I feel like that would get cleaned more than the... Maybe not, though.

Maybe the... I don't know. Ugh, that. She also says she wears flip-flops around the carpet of a hotel or motel room. Don't go on it with your bare feet. She said it's not clean. Just give it a vacuum.

I've had bare feet on a carpet in the hotel room before and sometimes you're like, ugh. Always. This is the next one where I thought she was getting a little bit too full on. Put a liner in the provided ice bucket what are you doing six on that

on the don't list don't use the washcloths because sometimes people might use them to like dry their hands and then roll them back up and if they don't look like they've been used

clearly like covered in makeup they just keep them there oh yeah and last but not least she said never say your room number out loud. So never say like, oh, I see you. I'm in room 709.

Oh, why don't you do that? What's going on? Because someone's going to come in and kill you. Oh, don't kill me. Someone's going to follow you and be like, she looks ripe for a killing. Yeah. Knock, knock, knock. They've got your room number.

Room service. And I go, oh, God, room service. I don't remember ordering that. And then that's it. Dead. Probably on the gross bedspread too. Yeah. Young, up and coming, beautiful radio and TV host,

Hayley Sprouse, slain in room 709. Because she yelled out her room number. She yelled out, hey, world, I'm in room 709. Are you worried about it right now? A veterinarian has shared the five dog breeds she would never have as a pet as a very experienced veterinarian. I wonder if she does a cat list, if my cat will be on it. Your cat would 100% be on cat list if my cat will be on it.

Your cat would 100% be on it. Absolutely your cat would be on it. I'd say just any inbred, purebred cat would be on it. 100%. The only cat you should own is a plastic bag cat. A what?

Yeah, a sack cat. That's rescued from Sack cat. That's horrible. They're like either drowning in a sack or my cat was dropped off to the abandoned plastic bag. Yeah, I think our ginger cat, one of them was dropped off in a bag

where the other one's got a mysterious origin story. Well, I rescued Murray, my British Shorthair, from a breeder. Horrible breeders. They're horrible. So I had to buy it off her. Oh my God. And save him.

Just for $1,000 or something ridiculous, I have no doubt. No, there's numerous reasons why. I'll start at the top. She says, any of the oodle breeds. I've got two of them. So a labradoodle. I tell you what, that one that you got from that John Campbell factory farm.

Puppy farm. He did an expose on where Vaughan brought his dog from. This was like the story of Lulu. Yeah, we found it online. We purchased her, young and naive. And they said, yeah, it'll get flown up from Palmerston North. And I was like, Palmerston North? Okay.

Ooh la la. Picked it up from the airport. Fun little skip about. And then like a few months later, Campbell Live did a story on a puppy farm and like named it. And I was like like that seems familiar we still have the receipt for the dog she's like somewhere and we found it

and yeah it was and it was like a real awakening to be like holy shit like we didn't sight unseen purchase this dog you wouldn't do that now because that's a huge scam that does the rounds all these like designer dog breeds and you buy them and send me the deposit

and then I send you the dog and then they completely disappear. Yeah. Wow. Yeah, that was an eye-opener. When you saw the horrendous. She stood the test of time. Yeah, that dog is hanging on somehow. Dude, I don't know what's going on.

Blind. It looks like a skeleton. It looks cursed. Hair falling out. Yeah, it looks like a skeleton dog that's risen from the dead. Yeah. The first time I met her, I was going like,

Lulu, Lulu. And then Shiloh was just like, nah. She's not going to hear that. Yeah, that's not going to work. Yeah, so any of the oodle breeds. Because what's Lulu? A Cavoodle.

Cavoodle and Ralph's a Retro Doodle. Okay. Well, famously, the inventor of the Labradoodle said on numerous occasions that his life's regret was creating the breed. Really?

It's a myriad of problems. He's an Australian guy, yeah. Yeah, they can be super sweet, but they also can't sit still. Grooming is expensive. Crazy, crazy hyper. Really aggressive ones as well. Oh, yeah. You stupid dogs.

Yowls haven't ever been aggressive. Or hypo. It's weird how you train them, isn't it? Silly. Yeah. But full noise. But then you want a dog with a bit of energy. You don't want a docile dog.

I want a lap dog. You want a cat is what you want. What you're really looking for is a cat. Is a cat, yeah. That's what you want. But I'm a fellow cat lady here. Fellow cat. Yeah.

Gentleman. Alsatians or German Shepherds are next on your list. Hips. Not so much of the hips. She said that they can be amazing dogs. Obviously, they're incredible, but they shouldn't be pets unless you can dedicate your life

to training them. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Right, because when I had a German Shepherd, I would just chase criminals all night. She said 95% of the dogs, the Alsatians or German Shepherds they see in the clinic want to bite your face off because they haven't properly been trained. They're so energetic.

Yeah. If you can't properly train them or you don't have time, don't get them because they look cute. Okay. Then we move on to the shortened snout dogs. Right. Your boxes. Your pugs.

Your pugs. And bear in mind, this isn't us saying this. This is a vet. This is a vet. And this is her list of the dogs that you shouldn't get. French bulldogs. French bulldogs. Every time I see someone losing their mind over a French bulldog, I look at that dog going.

Oh, my God. Choking for air. I'm like, why is humans, we're the problem. These dogs have done nothing wrong. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They're just animals. Oh, we're real bastards. You're just realising this now. Oh, no, yeah. They're just animals. God, we're real bastards, eh? You're just realising this now.

Oh, no, I'm a long-time hater of humans. Do you know what else we've ruined? The bloody planet. I know. And everything on it. Animals included. Everything on it. So she says, your pugs, your Boston Terriers,

your French Bulldogs, your Shih Tzus, don't get them. They can't breathe. They get skin-fold dermatitis, the real roly-polies. Allergies. They're yeasty, smelly, gassy. Yeasty. And they can't breathe. They get skin fold dermatitis, the real roly polies. Yeah, yeah. Allergies. They're yeasty, smelly, gassy. Yeasty. And they can't breathe.

Imagine your little friend, she gets a yeast infection. Yeah. And the folds of the nose. Totally, it would happen. Have I missed one? And then on her list is the... One more? Chihuahuas.

Chihuahuas. Stupid dogs. Can you just pronounce Chihuahuas? Chihuahuas. Chihuahuas. Chihuahuas. Stupid dogs. Can you just pronounce Chihuahua? Chihuahua. Chihuahua. Chihuahua. She says they're a bit, or any of the hairless ones, like the hairless Chihuahuas, or what are they called?

The Chinese? Crested. Crested. Those ones are always the ones that win the world's ugliest dog competition. Yeah, yeah. She said they're zitty, greasy. They feel a bit like a ball sack. That's why Right

She said the The best dog to own She said is the Basset Hound She raved about the Basset Hound She said even though they can be a bit smelly loud And have ear, back and weight problems They're the best dog ever There's a Basset Hound over the road from us

and every time you walk past it goes, Oh, no, shut up. And there's something adorable about these big long ears that it's just like, Oh, no, no, no. She said the second, the Basset Hound is her number one for good dogs to have. The second one is a mutt,

just a crossbreed mutt. Like a cat. Like an SPCA cat. You want a sack dog. Yeah. You want a plastic bag dog. And the third one, the ultimate family dog, she said, is the humble golden retriever.

Yeah, I can't argue with that. We've got Richie. We adopted Richie. But they're expensive. Oh, yeah, yeah. Like since COVID and everybody wanted a dog and couldn't travel, those prices shot up. And then when they are on adoption sites, everyone's like,

I've been looking to adopt a dog for a while actually. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, sorry, the God on Trevor's gone. Can we interest you in this mastiff? Oh, no, no, no, no, no. Oh, no, no, no, sorry. We want the cute one. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley.

Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley. Silly little pole. Silly little pole. It is so silly, silly, silly. That silly little pole. Silly little pole. Silly little pole. Silly little pole.

Silly little pole. Today's sillyilly Little Pole. To which do you prefer to use for selling and buying things? Trade me or Facebook Marketplace? To which do you prefer? To which do you prefer? Are you trying to sound all posh? Yeah, a little bit.

Which do you prefer to use for buying and selling? Trade Me or Facebook Marketplace? I'm Trade Me all the way. I'm Trade Me all the way because I know it's more fees, but it's less hassle. And it's more legit. I don't know why, it just has a feeling of legitimacy. Yeah, they also will, like,

you can do complaints through Trade Me, right? 100%, yeah. But Facebook Marketplace is just the Wild West. Well, you know that someone's authenticated, right? Whereas with Marketplace, I mean, I guess you can look at their Facebook profile. Click on their profile and see how old it is sort of thing. Yeah. But, I mean, pretty close.

60% said Trade Me, 40% said Facebook Marketplace. I would maybe Marketplace my more junky items. But when I'm selling like a couch or something. You're a Trade Me girl. Always Trade Me. Yeah, right. God, they take a cut though. They do.

They ream you. They ream you. They ream you. Wait, I sold something. But then you could get totally scammed on Facebook Marketplace. Yeah, exactly. It's a remake of a time sort, isn't it? Exactly.

And also, I feel like you're getting more. Are you getting more views? I sold something. But then you could get totally scammed on Facebook Marketplace. Yeah, exactly. It's a remake of a sign store, isn't it? Exactly. And also, I feel like you're getting more views, people more likely to find you on Trade Me. Yeah, Marketplace is a bit more scattered. Yeah. Whereas with... I like Marketplace for the fact you can drop the pin where you are and see around. Right, okay.

That's quite handy. Yeah. Some feedback. Annie says it's item-dependent basics. You go to F. Annie says, it's item dependent basics. You go to FB for your clothes and shoes, et cetera. Stuff I want to see an auction for, i.e. the skis, you go on Trade Me. Oh, the skis. Your more high-end items.

Yeah. You start on Facebook, and when people piss you off and tie kick for two weeks, then you chuck it on Trade Me, says Cam. That's right. Because you've had a bit of this, eh? People mucking you around? Yeah, yeah. It's right. You've had a bit of this, eh? People mucking you around? Yeah. It's far more casual.

It seems like, oh, sorry, I forgot you were coming. I've left. I won't be back until 2025. The thing is, if somebody wins an auction on Trade Me, they are legally required to follow through with that. Yes. And if they don't, their account, you know, is kind of halted, isn't it? It's paused. I do buy plants on Marketplace.

Great for plants. I buy plants on Trami, but mostly Marketplace for plants. Okay. Good for plants. Good for plants. Jess says the deals are better on Facebook by the people of Flakia. There you go. Summed it up.

Well, well said, Jess. Maddie says, for the love of God, don't ever use Facebook Marketplace. I work in Police 10-5. That's where you call the police for a non-emergency. Oh, my God. She'd have the most amazing stories. And more than half of our theft calls are because of Marketplace. So what you say on Marketplace, what you've got,

and then someone can work out where you live and steal it or ask you, like, the pickup address. Yeah, or they don't pay. Guys, listen to Maddie. She works for the police, and she's saying, it. Or ask you like the pick up address. Yeah or they don't pay. Guys listen to Maddie. She works for the police and she's saying don't use Facebook marketplace because of theft. Yeah. She never responded to my complaints about the boy

races going up and down my street though did she? 10-5. Absolutely useless service. That's why you ring 111 and say you saw a gun. I did in the end. Also that's naughty. You shouldn't do that you saw a gun. I did in the end. Also, that's naughty. You shouldn't do that.

I did it. That was a joke. I did it. That was a joke. And it was a joke that I said that I did. Yeah. Let's just say there wasn't any boy erasers after that. Right.

Good. Sophie Turner has messaged. The one that actually looks like Sophie Turner from Game of Thrones. Really? I mean, they're both redheads. And they're both banging the Jonas by the looks of things. But that's about it. I don't know if there's too much else.

Facebook Marketplace, because I got banned from Trade Me when I was 12. Did she get Kevin? She got Kevin Jonas. That's what got her banned from Trade Me when she was 12. Do you remember when people had bad Trade Me profiles and they could never get back on? No. Yeah, I remember this.

I remember friends getting kicked off. What did they do? You bid on things and you're like, ah. Oh, I mean, yeah. Pull out. Yeah, yeah. Right. How many times can you do that before they'll axe you?

Oh, I don't know. Well, anyway, Sophie's still banned. I mean, set up a new email address, Sophie. What does she need money for? She's married to a Jonas. I don't know. Game of Thrones money drawing up. She's an independent woman.

Maybe. Trade Me fee sucks is Sarah. My partner sold his MacBook on Trade Me and now he can't... What? And now he can't use it

because he owes a few hundred. Oh, he can't use Trade Me. Oh, because you've got to pay them for the fee. The fee. The success fee. See, that's a lot of money. Like a couple of hundred bucks

for a laptop. Yeah. That eats up. But then fee. See, it's a lot of money, like a couple of hundred bucks for a laptop. Yeah. That eats up. But then again, marketplace, they could just take the laptop and you've lost everything. Gone wrong. Trade me, says Amy, because I can post stuff out to people instead of having Facebook randos come into my house and put this stuff up. Yeah, I hate that.

Yeah. Yeah, because they won't trust you on Facebook marketplace, right? To be like, send me the money and I'll send it. They'll be like, well, you could be scamming me. I think if I was going to do Marketplace, I would want cash in hand, meet them, and then give them the stuff. Meet them outside the police station.

Yeah. That's what police have said. That's right. It's the same place as the CCTV or somewhere with CCTV. Alex says, sell on Facebook, buy from TradeMe. 100% don't trust buying from Facebook Marketplace. Yeah. Be a call.

Wise words. Play. ZM's Fletch Vaughan and Hayley. I'm going to tell you about a booking.com scam where people are just turning up to some random lady's house in London and turns out it wasn't an Airbnb. It wasn't a hotel. It's just her house. And it wasn't for rent?

No. Oh. Oh. Well it wasn't for rent. No. Oh. Oh. Well. But, I mean. Was that the gist of the story? I have the gist of it, but we've got some breaking news. No.

It turns out Olivia Newton-John may have just passed away of Grease fame. And 80s aerobics jazz. I was jazzist once. Get physical. I was looking for the Grease Megamix, but I can't find it in the system. Right. It may be cancer.

Right. She's been battling cancer. So who's reporting this? TMZ at the stage. Said rep for Olivia Newton-John said she died peacefully at her ranch in Southern California Monday morning. Which is... Tuesday. Yeah, Monday.

Kind of overnight. Yeah, right. Surrounded by family and friends, she battled breast cancer for more than 30 years. Aww. And we still don't know what happened to her husband. 30 years. And we still don't know what happened to her husband. Maybe her husband just disappeared. Off the face of the planet.

Off the face of the earth. I didn't know that. Yeah. This car is automatic. And they never found him. No, this is Grease Lightning. Oh, this is the Megamax. You will hear it in there. And they never found him. No, this is Grease Lightning. Oh, this is the Megamix. This is the Megamix.

You all hear it in there. And they never found him. No. In 2005, he disappeared off the coast of Los Angeles. Now, it was always suspected that he faked his own death and escaped to Mexico. Right. Well, what if he'll be at the funeral? Imagine if he is at the back.

In a disguise. Yeah, at the back. Just hovering at the back. I'll have her. But, um, TMZ reporting this, but no other... Not yet, no.

Right, okay. I'm, um, refreshing, uh, Google and clicking on Olivia and John news. Still nothing. Well, can't wait at these shows.

She was suspected that she was, um, oh, no, they, I was going to say someone on the Master center in the US sung an Olivia Newton-John song. Oh, and they thought it was her momentarily? And they thought maybe it might have been her, but no, she was in no state.

Carl Wayne at the social media desk, very distraught at this news because you met her as a child. Did, yeah. And you had her autograph. Yeah, because I even told her how I had a pink lady theme 8th birthday. What? My mum made us pink lady ponchos and everything. Ponchos? Yeah, because jackets are pretty hard.

Well you couldn't have four pink leather jackets? Right. Ponchos? For like ten eight year olds? That's embarrassing. Everybody got a pink poncho, it wasn't just you and your mum. Everyone got one. Yeah, everyone got one.

Where did you meet her? At the Mission concert in Hawke's Bay. I guess she played a concert and you met her on the day. Wow. Went to soundcheck, got to meet her? Um, at the Mission concert in Hawke's Bay. Okay, so she played a concert. You went on to that. Went to Soundcheck. Got to meet her. You went to Soundcheck? Yeah.

Bougie. Big fan. Bougie. Oh, sorry for your loss. Right, yeah. Thank you. Sorry for your loss. Dude, that signature might be worth some money now, though.

Yeah, but it says my name, doesn't it? Oh, does it? Does someone want to say that? Not a lot of Carwins out there. Might be a rich Carwin willing to... I was just thinking how you could alter your name to make it something different. She did spell my name wrong too

but that's okay. Oh that's embarrassing. I've heard that before. An H-A-L-E-Y. How does she spell it? I think with a Y or something. Where did you put the Y? And maybe a K. It was quite wrong. You were too starstruck to get him to correct your name. Yeah, an eight-year-old doesn't have that kind of confidence.

We're in a deck at the moment. Bloody good. Someone is building a deck at your house. I'm building a deck. I've been using a nail gun. Yeah, boy. You ever use the nail gun? No, it's scary.

Fun. Too much power. Not enough power. More power. So, yeah, building a deck at the moment. Now, the next part of the deck build is the actual decking part. But that was around the wrong side of the house. Right.

So it was in front of where the garage is being built. A lot going on. So the big pile of decking timber needed to be moved. Right. And I thought, well, that's a job. I don't know when I'm going to get it done. It'll be one of those ones that I just have to get done at some stage. And then yesterday afternoon, Charlie said,

do you want a hand moving this pile of decking timber? And I was immediately hot under the collar. I was like, beg your pardon? She's like, well, it's got to be done. Should we just get it done? That sort of talk. That sort of let's just get this done talk. Oh, my gosh. I know. And then we pardon? She's like, well, it's got to be done. Should we just get it done? That sort of talk. That sort of, let's just get this done talk.

Oh my gosh. I know. And then we went out there. What did she have for breakfast? I don't know, but she had a lot of it. Turns out she had a lot of it. She was rearing to go.

Probably oats. Oats, good feel. Yeah. Very much a breakfast cereal. Oats? No, oats are oats. Oats are oats. I agree, disagree. They're in the cereal aisle

and they are a cereal. So we go out there and we start moving the decking timber and stacking it. And I said, we'll try to stack it in like the lengths that it's in. So, you know, the long ones are with the long ones. No, higgledy-piggledy. And she was like, yeah, all right. And then she strapped on some gloves and we started moving it. And she was doing two or three at a time.

The big ones. Right. And I was like, whew. And then it started raining. And I was like, I'm going to lose her hair. Yeah. And she went inside and chucked on a raincoat and came back out. Oh, shoddy.

She was working in the rain. You'll add up later. Well, I was drooling at the stage much like that, salivating at this hot tamale wife I have. Out there doing a bit of physical. Yeah, right. This is sounding very condescending. No, but she just, like, A, she initiated it.

Yeah. B, I don't mean to be condescending. And we were out there, we were talking, we were, like, walking back and forward, chatting about a whole lot of stuff. You give acts of service, but you enjoy quality time. I love quality time. I love when you just get to hang out and you just chat.

If you're watching TV, you're watching TV, you know, but if you're out there doing like a little job that's not exactly requiring a bunch of brain power, you can have a really good chat. And then, you know, it really started coming down, and she's like, we better bloody hurry up and get this done. God. She was the foreman, and I was the apprentice.

And it was a hot power dynamic. Yeah, right. And we got it done, and then we went in, and I was like, that was amazing you bloody hauled it. We got it done, got it covered, and then it started really pouring down. Beautiful. And I said, I am hot. Hot for teacher, because that was hot.

And she's like, what are you talking about? I was like, it was just hot. We just got out there, and you were in charge, baby. Large and in charge. And it was hot. And that's what I want to talk about today. What is an unusual thing that your partner does that you find hot? Like, you're like, that's hot.

When she just helps you move a pile of wood. Yeah, but it was like she moved a pile of wood. She was like, chuck us another one. Like, right. She's bossed up, got it done. Yeah, she bossed up, got it done. And I was like, that's hot stuff. So that's what I want to know this morning.

What does your partner do? Something a little bit unusual. Maybe they don't even know that they're doing it. But you're getting all hot and bothered at this. What about your partner do? Something a little bit unusual? Maybe they don't even know that they're doing it, but you're getting all hot and bothered at this. What about your big man? Do you just get real excited when he carries a pile of wood? I get excited when he walks in the bloody door.

You know? I mean, Aaron's always doing big hurly-burly man stuff. Yeah, he's a hurly-burly man. I mean, I came home the other day from marching and he poured me a bath with a glass of champagne and Love Island. What's he doing? What has he done? I don't care.

He just did that. That's incredible. Well, I get a little bit like, yeah, light that fire, babe, when he lights me a fire. Oh, yeah. It's caveman. Yeah. He wants to heat his woman. Yes, that's primal.

That's primal. I keep me warm so I can bear the children. Yes. You know, keep my ovaries warm. Yeah, yeah. Ready to produce. Okay, so 0800-DARLS-IT-M, 9696. We want to take your calls.

Maybe it's lighting the fire. What is it that your partner does that gets you hot? One of my friends bought her partner an American football because she liked watching him throw. Yeah, yeah, hot. Really? Like throwing like cricket balls and stuff. But you know the hottest ball to throw is an American football

because they throw it. And it's in the shoulder pops. Pat, bicep, pat. Hard to do. And then it spirals. Oh, yeah. So there's strength and there's technique. So she takes him down to the park and she's just like,

go throw the ball. Throw the ball. Throw the ball. Throw the ball for mummy. Yeah. You go over there and throw the ball back to me. All right. 0800-DARLS-IT-M-9696 to text. What does your partner do that's weirdly hot?

Give us a call. Things that your partner does that you find hot, the weird things. This is hot content. This is hot content. I hope everyone's getting worked up. Yeah. Hot.

In the workplace. Your wife helped you move a big pile of wood and that just got you excited, didn't it? Yeah, yeah. Moved your note, Hayley. It was a sit-up, but you didn't know you were proud of you. Someone said, I've got no idea why, but if I walk into the kitchen just as my husband pushes down the plunger coffee. Wow. Wow.

They just love it. They just love it. They just love that. Wow, okay. My boyfriend has never been as turned on as when I went down a steep part of a mountain bike track for the first time. I've never wasted my money on lingerie again. You're just going to put your neck on the line every time. He likes risk. Wow.

A few jumps maybe. Yeah. That'll get him excited uh shannon what is it that uh your partner does it's weirdly hot he can back a trailer like no man's business and you know i'm talking he can back it i'm telling you he can back it yeah and you know no backing camera for him side mirrors only shannon if you're in the passenger if you're in the passenger seat, would he chuck his arm behind your passenger seat

and take a peer over his left shoulder? Oh, yeah. Every time. That's hot. Lots of people messaging him. They love when someone's reversing. Guy or girl and the arm goes behind the passenger seat. He's backing it up and you'll be backing it up soon.

Climb him like a tree, you know? Hot stuff. Climb him like a tree. Imagine if you were married to someone and they couldn't back a trailer and they were making an absolute meal of it. I was. He couldn't even drive a car. It was dreadful.

Now, is that reasons for divorce in New Zealand or would that file under irreconcilable differences? Can't back a trailer. Yeah. Yeah, I think either or, you know. Can't back a trailer should totally be a legal reason. It's pretty high up there. Totally. Definitely upgraded. Shannon, pretty high up there. Totally.

Definitely upgraded. Shannon, thanks for your call. Erin, what does your partner do that's hot, hot, hot? She'll get up in the weekend and smoke brisket with a homemade fire drop and just sit there for eight hours. But she's a vegetarian. She doesn't even eat it. Well, does she do it for you?

Yeah. That's a big act of service, that one. I know. She's getting up early. She's lighting a fire. Hot. Primal, we talk about this. This is hot.

Yeah. She'll get up at like 6 o'clock and start it, and we'll just sit there all day putting wood and stuff and making soup and tea, which is right. It's delicious. She's vegetarian, though. This is against the code. Nah.

She loves her woman. Erin, thanks for your call. Some other vegetarian, though. This is against the code. Nah, she loves her woman. Erin, thanks for your call. Some other text messages in. I could watch my partner chop wood all day. Short shorts are an absolute bonus. People that chop wood on TikTok, the big followings. Big followings, yeah.

A couple of very muscly men do that. Nordic muscly men. Shirts off. Somebody else said, watching my big burly Samoan husband work out complex mathematical equations in his head without writing anything down and then chuck you the answer to an obscure percentage.

Absolutely clear the room, children. Find something else to do. Because mama's got some maths. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley. Well, it's the first time for 2022. Ho, ho, ho. Ooh, it's beginning to look a lot like Christmas. That's right.

Criminal. This is criminal. And as you mentioned before, Vaughan, 137 days, 15 hours and 47 minutes until Christmas. I don't like doing this to you. I don't like bringing this up. I will highlight the issue of the fact that, you know, people start celebrating far too early. There's always the mid-Christmas celebrations, like June.

We have to ignore those. Yep. But we're now past that. We can't ignore these reports because Christmas is already starting to happen. But we haven't done Halloween. I know. Oh, these people. They don't respect All Hallows Eve as the Satanist holiday that it is.

Those are my people. Straight to the Jesus holiday. So for those that are new, it's beginning to look a lot like Christmas. We do this every year. We take a look at Christmas penetration. Uh-huh. And I tell you what, it started a bit later this year because last year, I think our first reports of Christmas

were end of July, which is only, you know, if you were to take any positive from this global pandemic, it would be that it certainly has ushered Christmas back into the last half of the year. Yeah. 2019, 2018, 2019, terrible years for the snake. And it snuck right up. Maybe it's because no one can get stock so early.

All the stock, Christmas stock's delayed. So Christmas might be. True, true. That's a very real possibility. If we look at, well, around about this time last year, we were at 2%. Okay. Now, if we go back to 2019 pre-COVID, we were at 10%.

Wow. Okay. 10% Christmas penetration. And how was that measured? Very scientifically. And also in the nearly 10 years we've been doing that, that's the first time anyone's ever asked. I'm not here to pick holes.

I'm not here to pick holes. I want to get on board. No, Vaughan's got a very... It's a scientific calculation and he inputs all the data and then it spits out a percentage of Christmas penetration. It's probably a bit complex for me. Yeah. I went to drama school.

Your tiny brain. Chuckles McGee over there. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You wouldn't understand. Just sing your songs, darling. Sing. Leave the maths to daddy. So this is, we need your help as well for this segment.

If you see anything out and about, any Christmas penetration, you know, like bars starting to advertise Christmas gatherings, shops popping up or decorations. Screenshot or send us a message FVHZM on Facebook or Instagram. Amy's been in touch. She said, saw these at the supermarket, must be getting close to Christmas and undeniably

nothing says Christmas like a Griffin sampler. Oh, shoot. The sampler box only really gets dragged out at Christmas time. A great gift. And those gross pink crackers, wafers with the cream in the middle are always left. No, they're the best. They're the best. That's filth.

They're the best. I've come to love every other biscuit in there. There's too many duds in a Griffin sampler. Too many brown. Yeah. Like too many brown biscuits. They all just taste the same. You mean like plain like a super wine or the coconut ones with the sugar crystals on top.

No, we don't need any of those. I've come to love them. Crispies. Crispies. Oh, who doesn't love a crispy? I mean, I love them. Pink wafers is absolute trash. So that's where it's starting to pop up there.

Amy spotted that one. This guy. Hayley has reported another Hayley. N-H-A-Y-L-E-I-G-H. I'm so sorry for that silly spelling. Is she wearing a Briscoe's shirt as well? She's not wearing a shirt. Well, I hope that Hayley.

Okay, she shoves a Briscoe's. This is Hayley Rose, who stole my name. Could be. It's Hayley Jane, who has your name. Just spelled slightly differently. She might be single white female on you.

She said, I've just received this targeted advertising from Hornby Indoor Market. Okay. Don't forget to click interested if you would like to come to the Christmas extravaganza on Saturday the 10th of December at 10am. Okay. Don't forget to click interested if you would like to come to the Christmas extravaganza on Saturday the 10th of December at 10am. Jesus

his birthday is Christmas. That's getting in there early isn't it? Why are they doing that so early? Well maybe it's a hot, it's a hot. Is it a hot market? It must be a hot market. Book your booth. Yeah book your booth. Book your booth if you want to get in there for a little bit of horny horny Christmas.

You might want to get your crystals stall booked in, your Christmas crystals. My tarots and stuff. Yeah. Yeah, your Christmas tarots. You flip over the card, it's an elf, and everyone's like, oh, yay, and you're like, oh, no, not the elf. You're going to die.

Bad elf. Alicia says, hi, guys and gals. I'm a podcast listener from Sydney, Australia, reporting on some early Christmas penetration at the online Target Australia email I just got. Oh, yeah. We're already for sale a Cadbury stocking with, you know, the pre-made Cadbury chocolate stockings.

It's got a Boost bar in there. Already? Yuck. Boost bars. A Cherry Ripe. Trash. I thought you liked Cherry Ripes. No, I am still maddened by the Boost bar. I love Cherry Ripes.ios I currently had a couple Of picnics and some Dairy milks in there as well

But they said That was in the email Pointing that out No Turkish Delight Not that I can see Not from this angle Throw it all in the trash And Michaela says

Oh hello there I'm not sure if you've Started Christmas Penetration yet But I visited Christchurch in the weekend And they were playing Christmas music

At the Riverside Market Now she's attached An audio file Because you know There are people Who won't believe her Christmas penetration yet but I visited Christchurch in the weekend and they were playing Christmas music at the Riverside Market. Now she's attached an audio file because you know there are people who won't believe her. So if you put that

Have you checked this? You can definitely hear the bells there. Yeah I can hear some jingle bells. It's got a really and there's even a It's a terrible audio recording.

That's Mummy Kissing Santa Claus. Is it? So Mummy Kissing Santa Claus. I've got very good and there's even a terrible audio recording. That's mummy kissing Santa Claus. Is that so? Mummy kissing Santa Claus? I've got very good ears. I'm not deafened like you guys. I couldn't hear anything. I just heard the mall noise. I could hear white noise. The market noise. White noise in the background but I assure you it was Christmas. Well, with these early reports

of Christmas penetration and 137 days away from Christmas Oh, we're getting warmer. Right now, Christmas penetration is at... One and a half percent! Oh! Oh! It is beginning to look a lot like Christmas.

And if you see any reports of Christmas creeping in, let us know. FBH ZM on Instagram or Facebook. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley. Yesterday when we left work, I was driving home. In the white girl chimney? In the chimney, yeah. Yeah, I was an absolute beast on the streets and a lady in the off-road sheets.

I don't know, I tried to freestyle that and it didn't work. Not all these ad-libs have to work. Keep workshopping. Welcome to my ad-lib theatre show. I was driving up the road just past the Sky City Casino. Okay. I go past there every single day. And I always...

You pass it, do you? You just pass it and just keep going? I certainly don't call in. I don't know who's told you that. Some days, don't you just come straight from there to work? Yeah. That's the good nights. Can I borrow? No, I've told you. You already owe us.

You owe us too much. I know, but this is a good investment. Oh, we can get it now. But that's, some people do do that. That's not at all. So driving past there, I always look at the construction, what's happening with the construction. It's massive, eh? Taking forever. Whoa, so that fire certainly set them back. So yesterday- Can I sue someone for that fire?

Because I reckon I got some permanent damage inhaling some of those black fumes. Do you reckon that's why your COVID's lingering? Yes, maybe. Because of the fumes. You were in the CBD fumes. Because I had the fumes and then I got the COVID like a year later.

A year later? Wasn't it? No, it was like two years ago. No, but wasn't the fire before COVID? Yeah, but like two years. Just two years. Look, I don't know what time is. Time's lost a lot of its meaning.

It has. So I'm driving up that road, sort of looking at the construction, and then I see this white van just like fly past me. And I'm like, sir, that is far exceeding the speed limit. It's a 40 there. And I see a corporate cab up ahead. This is your flash

of big cabs. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. Ah, you're a... I love getting a corporate cab. On somebody else's ticket I'll tell you what because they are not cheap cabs.

Yeah, I've only been in when work was paying. Oh yeah, only. I wouldn't order one. Oh no, God no. So he's flying towards his cab but it's going slow.

It looks like it's looking for somewhere to drop someone off or pick something up. It's going slow. And this guy's just, I'm like, I'm about to witness the van smash into the cab. Oh, okay. And so, take a mental note of the number plate in case it's a hit and run.

This is the sort of citizen I am. Yeah. I mean, there's cameras everywhere. You'd be upset. So he's flying up. And then I just see the brakes go on, and then, like, screech of tyres. Van lurches forward as the brakes slam on. The cab, like, slams on his brakes.

Then the guy who's driving the van, I pull up and look, and he has both hands holding a sandwich. What? And he screams out the window at the guy, Hey, mother effer, I'm trying to eat an effing sandwich here. And I was like. That's his fault. That's his fault.

What? A sandwich? Yeah. A two-handed sandwich. Like a homemade. Big sandwich. You know McKenzie country bread? Yeah.

My parents love a McKenzie country bread. The thing they're getting better value value because it's too fluffy. But it's puffy. It won't even fit in mum's toaster. It won't fit in her toaster. Yeah, right. Just to cut it in half to get it in the toaster, which then you've depleted the purpose.

Yeah. But you're right, it's a fluffy bread. The seeds on the top, that's what gets everybody in there. In the brown paper bag it comes in. It fools everybody. I'm just saying, look into your breads a bit more. So he's eating, except it's white bread. He's eating this giant two-handed white bread sandwich,

and he screams at the taxi driver for nearly causing an accident when he was just so involved in the sandwich, he doesn't notice the speed. He's got not a single hand on the wheel. Was he driving with his knees, you reckon, doing a knee drive? Yeah, yeah. He was a knee driver. With a sandwich.

With a sandwich. But then has the shell. He was a knee driver. With a sandwich. With a sandwich. But then hands to the sheriff. Hey, mother effer. He's like, leans out the window like, you have done me the disservice of interrupting my sandwich time. Yeah, yeah. I'm all for eating and driving, but that's a one-handed affair. It's not the cab driver's fault.

Absolutely not. If you ram into someone, it's your fault. It's your fault. Yes, that's the way insurance jams their brakes on. No. No, because then you're following too close. You're following too close. The insurance will never take your side if you ram into someone.

I've always wondered what happens if you're following too close, then the person in front of you brakes, you brake and stop, and then the person behind you rams you into the car in front. That's a piler. That's a person behind you. Yeah, I don car in front. That's a person behind you. Yeah, I don't know who. It's all on them, right? Yeah, yeah. But then are you in trouble for following the car too close to you in front?

Yeah, I don't know. There was no car behind if they had been. He would have slammed into him. Yeah, and he would have got done for eating a sandwich. And then what? Did he peel off? And then the cab driver looks around like, what's going on? And then the guy's like, with his elbow, because he's still eating a sandwich. And then what? Did he peel off? And then the cab driver kind of like looks around like what's going on. And then the guy's like with his elbow

because he's still eating a sandwich. Toot, toot, toot, toot. I'm just like, how good? And do you know what my main thought was? What? God damn it, I want a bite of that sandwich. It looked good, dude. It looked good and it must have been good.

This guy was driving a white van and absolutely mesmerised by the sandwich. I was like, I've eaten some good sandwiches in my time. Yeah. I love sandwiches. Was it a rumen? Was it toasted? It was just a plain white bread. I don't even know what meat was on there. I could see some tomatoes, which I mean that's expensive.

That's an expensive sandwich. It's something a bit of lettuce. Ham, lettuce, tomato, I reckon. I'll call it a ham sandwich. He was just like so involved in the sandwich. He didn't cause an accident It was the other guy's fault For not respecting the fact That he was driving While eating a sandwich

Fact of the day Day Day Day Day Oh I do do do do Do do do do

Do do do do Do do do do Do do do do Do do do do Do That was cute at the end. Today's fact of the day is, did you know collars? Yeah, like dog. Oh, no, those collars. Collars on shirts. Hayley and I are wearing shirts with collars today.

You're wearing a T-shirt. Yeah, have some respect for the workplace. Can you please dress accordingly? By the way, there is a poll on Instagram asking if Hayley looks like she works at Briscoe's.

I believe it's trending. Yes. It's Briscoe's blue. It's a Briscoe's blue. I can't believe I didn't see it. In fact, if you had a name badge,

you'd look very much in place at Briscoe's. Also, how did you see that thing that was online a few weeks ago? It's like, they get 30% off staff. Yeah, but it's always 30% off. No, but it's always more few weeks ago? It's like they get 30% off staff.

Yeah, but it's always 30% off. No, but it's always more. No one goes, oh, they get 30% more off? No, they get 30% off, but then sometimes things are 40 or 50. So everyone was like, well, why don't you just give them 50 or something? Briscoe's is like lighting direct. You don't go unless it's 40% off. No, you pay full price.

Why pay full price? I've had to once before and I was so offended. Don't go unless it's 40% off. No, you pay full price. Why pay full price? I've had two once before and I was so offended. Don't go. But then if they don't put it on sale, can't you go back to them and be like, hey, this is on sale now and I want it. But no one ever does that because it's like a – It's embarrassing. Yeah.

Childish. This was – I paid full price and now you've got 40% off. Sir, this is a $4 fork. Well, you know, you've got to save money when you've got to save money. Do you know when the next big wine glass sale is? Now? It's Thursday. Tomorrow?

Thursday? Because I've broken one of my six and now I've got five. Smash another one and make it a four set. You'll never find the matching one. Because it's doing my head and then I've got five and not six or four. Smash another one then. It's Thursday. Thursday is 40%.

Don't even think about buying a light shade or any sort of fitting unless Lighting Direct's having a massive sale. It costs them nothing. You're going to get this when we go out in public. It's like wearing a red polo to the warehouse. I'm going to have to go. Do you know my proudest moment at Mitre 10 the other day was wearing that Mitre 10

trade t-shirt they sent me. Someone came up to me in the trade department and was like, g'day mate, did you have that hardy board? Oh, Vaughn! Stop wearing that t-shirt. I was like, yeah, yeah, we do. Hold on, mate. I'll just I'm just with someone at the moment. I was with the guy that worked there. I was like,

I'll be with you in a minute. And I said, whereabouts is the hardy plank? And he laughed. He's like, over there. I was like, she's back over there. I'll be with you in a minute, mate. But she's back over there. I'll six And he laughed. He's like, over there. I was like, she's back over there. I'll be with you in a minute, mate. But she's back over there. I'll six over there. You're an idiot. You're not doing a wet room, are you?

Because you're going to want. Yeah, you want to get that bloody waterproof probably. So none of this has got to do with fact of the day. Today's fact of the day is collars on shirts. Yes. Like the blue shirt Hayley's wearing. She looks so much like Briscoe. You look like you work at Briscoe's.

Never go there. So the collars originally when manufactured were removable from the shirt. Huh. Because you had the shirts custom sewed to your size. Yeah. And you wouldn't want to give them like a hard, thorough washboard wash too often. Because it'd go floppy. Because they would be, yeah, well, starched and you had them custom made so you wouldn't

want to like wear and tear the material too much. But the collar always got dirty. Yeah. So they were removable so you could take it off, replace it with another one, button on another one, and wash the collar. Huh. And it was for ages.

And that's, like, the origins of, like, white collar, blue collar. Right. It's because if you worked a blue collar job, you got a darker coloured collar because it would get really dirty and the white, if you got it dirty at the factory, you would never get the colours, never get the stains out. Yeah, right. I'm blue collar today.

You're a blue collar worker. So, yeah, but they would always be detachable. You could buy them like, buy the collar, you could buy like a box of collars at a certain size and it would clip straight on or button straight onto your shirt. And then someone's just like, well, we can make them like the collar, you could buy like a box of collars at a certain size and it would clip straight on or button straight onto your shirt. Oh. And then someone's just like,

well, we can make them like your standard amount of sizes now so we can just put the collars on and then the collars become a full-time part of the shirt. So today's fact of the day is when collars were first put on shirts, they were removable. Fact of the day, day, day, day, day. Yeah. I'll try to keep this as anonymous as possible. The other day I was working on an anonymous project

that is not Have You Been Paying Attention, which is back and better than ever. Yeah. It was a different project I was working on with a makeup artist I do not know and have not experienced before. This is for a TV shoot. This is for a TV show.

Okay. And I introduced myself to this anonymous makeup artist and they were lovely. And as she was doing my face she goes you have got just the prettiest nose and I was like that is not something you would say about me I am NOT known for having a pretty nose and then she goes it's so cute it goes the flick at the end of my nose, which is like a bit of a ski jump.

I've got like a bulbous bit at the end that kind of like flicks up. I've never noticed your nose and gone like wee or anything. But are you a little bit self-conscious about it? It's just this little tip. Everybody sees things on their own face that no one else ever notices and it's your own insecurity and no one else notices. They're too busy worrying about their own insecurities.

Yeah. But it's not a cute nose. Like it's quite large. My mum's got a larger nose and my granddad had a larger nose. As you look at it now on the camera. But the end bit has always sort of... But I've never looked at you and gone,

oh, your nose. You don't look at me and go, wee! Wee! Well, she did. It's not ski jump. It's not ski jump. You see ski jump nose every now and then. It's not like full snoot like that.

But there's just this little tip. It's got a tip. It's got a tip. And she just went, wee! And I was like, huh. Don't do that. Did you laugh? We don't know each other.

You wouldn't say that to a stranger, like someone you just met. Yeah. So this is all I wanted to ask was when did someone accidentally offend you? Because the thing was she was trying to give me a compliment. She was trying to say, oh, my God, I love your nose. I love how it goes. So it came out as a compliment. Like a backhanded compliment

Yes, but she didn't know that I have thought of this little nib at the end of my nose for quite some time I would never get rid of it This is a Robinson note Yeah, I mean you've been on TV long enough you obviously, it's working for you I'm going to take a side profile photo

I'm just going to let the people talk see if it goes wee Can we get that little scare emoji and have it going down? Yes. Oh no, because I've made it go away. Anyway, we'll get a bit of photo. Yeah. This is what I want to ask. When were you accidentally offended? Yeah, when did someone give you a

backhanded compliment? Yeah. Oh man, I would love to have a set of thighs like those. You wouldn't say that to a random stranger. You are looking strong. Powerful thighs. Look at those powerful thighs.

Some people would take that as a compliment. But not everybody. Some people might be like, you're really hitting the gym. You're bulking up. That's awesome. And you're like, actually, I just haven't been going to the gym.

I've just been getting fat. I've just been bulking up. Are you doing a bulk before the. You're bulking up. That's awesome. And you're like, actually, I just haven't been going to the gym. I've just been getting fat. I've just been bulking up. Yeah. Are you doing a bulk before the shred? Doing a dirty bulk? No. I've just given up on... The gym?

On the gym and the diet. All right, give us a call. 0800 Dials.M is the number. You can text as well. We'd love to hear from you. 9696. When were you accidentally offended? You got a lovely nose compliment,

but a wee at the end. Someone said, I work in rest homes and a resident said to me, oh my goodness me, you look like a girl from behind and a boy from the front. And I was trying to work out what they meant. I know it was a nice reminder that I'm flat chested, but I couldn't decide if they were like surprised or pleasantly surprised or they liked it or they didn't. God, you get some truths working in a rest home, eh?

Yes. And working at a daycare. Someone said I service air conditioning for work and I got one of my clients at the daycare. One child said to another one, I was fixing it, hey, is that your dad? And the child spun around and said, no, no, no, no, that's not my dad. He's not fat.

Low-key attacked by a four-year-old. Do you remember that ad? Is your baby going to be a boy? Yeah. To the guy with the puku? Yeah. Chloe, when were you accidentally insulted? Well, my cousin, last time I saw her, I don't see her very often, but yeah, last time I saw her, she just out of the blue was like, oh, yeah, one day, don't worry, one day a man will come and sweep you off your feet.

I'm like, okay, so, like, I'm in my mid-30s and I am actually single by choice. Yes. That's a real common one, eh? Yeah, yeah. So, like, I haven't had the opportunity to get myself a man. I just haven't taken anybody up on it. Chloe, don't worry, yeah. So, like, I haven't had the opportunity to get myself a man. I just haven't taken anybody up on it. Chloe, don't worry, hon.

It'll be okay. Yeah, I was just like, oh, my gosh. Why would you say that to somebody? Yeah. And why a man? You know, you never know. Yeah, well, that too. But, like, it was just, I was just, yeah,

it wasn't even like it was a topic of conversation. She just suddenly came out with it. It's the tone, isn't it? It's the tone as well. It's like, well, poor you. Your time will come. Chloe, thanks for your call. Some other messages in.

I got approached on the street by someone who said it would be great for a commercial that they were making. Oh, flattering. Flodal, modal. Dot, dot, dot, dot. It was for sunscreen and they needed someone who was very white. Damn it. Yeah, very pasty.

I went back to the doctor after the first lockdown and I jumped on the scales and they said, oh, you've put on a bit of weight, but you're carrying it well, but there, but there, but there. Oh, no. Pointed out where. An analysis. Yeah, from the doctor.

I had a beautician tell me I had beautiful feet and I would be a really great leg waxing model because I had thick leg hair. Wow. But beautiful feet. Wow. Okay. That's a niche career, isn't it? I actually accidentally snuck some of my toes onto my Instagram story yesterday.

I saw it. Yeah, yeah. Thank God I wore it for my finger toes. Oh, yeah. My tingers people messaged saying, you've got tingers? Tingers or foes? Tingers. I'm just like, ouch.

Your tingers. I should have cut it off. I didn't even think about it. Yeah, I saw them. I noticed them. Yeah, okay. I was babysitting some kids and they wanted to play Ben 10. Now I am a bit of a heavier female and they said,

you have to be Humongousaur. Jesus. I don't know. I wouldn't eat for a week if a kid said that to me. I'd be like, ouch. Never be. Humongousaur kid said that to me. I'd be like, ouch. Never be. Humongous. Humongous.

Oh, kids. I was talking to some of the younger people at work about nice compliments I could give my partner, and they said, they recommended I tried thick. Oh. Oh, okay. So I called my partner thick. Oh, no, no. No, no, no, no, no, no.

Didn't end well. Yeah. Didn't end well. Someone has to call themselves thick. Yeah. I was working with a girl who English was her second language and she told me I had a nice big fat bum. There you go.

That's like thick as well. We had that in Bali actually. We were sitting in a bar and the waitress really loved us. She was like, oh my gosh. And she was like, you guys are so cool and so white like we are yep yes we are

if you thought this podcast was nice and spicy why don't you go tell your mama Vaughan's mum doesn't like spice oh okay no very plain

it's a salty podcast though and she's a huge fan of salt oh she's got a high sodium intake. Christine. Tomorrow we promise more mild. Yeah, and if you'd like the podcast, rate and review. ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley.