ZM's Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley - Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley Podcast - 9th February 2022

Episode Date: February 8, 2022

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The ZM Podcast Network. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley. Hello, welcome to the Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley podcast. Thanks to McCafe. Try their refreshing McCafe iced coffee. Available now at Macca's. And I tell you what, do we have a professional gamer in our midst? We do.

Yeah, boys and girls. Vaughn Smith, virtual farmer. Oh my God. I think I've really it's a complicated game to get into Farm Simulator 2022 it was a complicated one controls took a while but yesterday

I felt I really hit my hit my stride I've hired equipment rather than trying to buy it, no point bankrupting a young farmer why do it so yesterday I would say I did a grain harvest. Oh, yeah. I took that up to the farmer's market.

That was a big one because I've only just learned that the combine harvester that you use to do your grain, you have to take the harvested bit off and put it on a trailer and then tow that behind so you can go full speed on the road, otherwise your workers won't drive on the road because it's against everybody knows that i know what a goddamn fool i'm rocky but then yesterday and i'm oh i'm halfway through this i had to bail hey you're halfway to the farmer's market with your back bit on no no no that's done that's done but that's what i learned and so i can be like you boys take this home i'll shoot up to the farmer's market with a trailer load of wheat. The big one yesterday was I started my first ever hay baling job. So this involved cutting the grass with a three-part mower.

Some of the mower went on the front of the tractor, some of the mower went on the back, and then it folded down so I could get more done. I cut it, and then I tetted it, which is where you flip the hay over. Then I rowed it up with a big rower, and then I baled it, and then you you flip the hay over. Then I rode it up with a big rower and then I baled it. And then you've got to go around with a trailer, picking up the bales and take them up to the farmer's market as well. She's all go.

She's all go. What are you a farmer of? Wheat. At this stage, I'm a farmer with three paddocks. Right. Now, I think the idea is it's a land grab situation. I've got to buy the neighbors out, but I have to do contracting work for the other people in the area to earn money.

Right, and respect. It's not farming in a New Zealand sense. Right. I think in America those sorts of farming communities function a bit differently. Everybody's got some piece of equipment, and they all help each other out with different tasks. Yeah, right. But it's not like dairy farming here.

Yeah, right. How close are you to buying one of those ugly chairs? Because you've been sitting. The gaming chairs. Yeah, the gaming chairs. Because we saw on Sade's video of you playing this game, in which she was so proud, that you were just sitting on a dining chair.

Yeah. Are you going to get a big one? I'd love an ugly chair, but I'm not allowed an ugly chair. I feel like if you were allowed, you'd get one of those. You know when people do flight simulators, they have like the full, or a racing simulator, car racing, they have the full panels. Somebody messaged Sade saying their husband does farm simulator and he's got a steering wheel.

I think you could have a steering wheel. No. That's a step too far, Vaughan. That's a step too far. So what's your next lofty goal on this farming simulator? I don't know what today holds. And this is the other thing. I'm working around the clock at the moment in the contracting, guys.

I keep going back to my base to have a sleep, but it's like you're not tired. I'm like, I've been awake for four days straight. I've missed the part where my dude's been smoking meth. Yeah. It's the only way, really. I mean, at least you're not out there doing drugs or something. That's true.

Keeping them off the streets. Yeah, this is keeping you off the streets. Yeah. Something else to focus on, you know? Yeah. Put down the drugs. Don't you have two kids? Yeah, but they're back at school now.

That's somebody else's problem. Nine till three daily. Yeah. Play Zedium's Fletchvorn and Hayley. Thanks, Rachel. Good morning. Welcome to the show, Fletchvorn and and Hayley. Thanks, Rachel. Good morning. Welcome to the show, Fletch Vaughan and Hayley. Well done, Jane.

Dame Jane. Dame Jane. Dame Jane Campion. I know she's listening, and we're just very proud of you. She quite often is up early to listen to the show. Up early? Yeah. Always.

Bray, listen on the way to set. Sure. I haven't seen, what is it, Power of. Sure. I haven't seen What is the Power of the Dog? I haven't seen it yet either. It's on my list because you raved about it. You two aren't obviously

theater buffs. Huge supporters of the arts. Yeah. Yeah, I saw it. Yeah, it's good. Even better on a second watch. You've watched it twice. Second time time not like

As detailed as the first But you just pick up on things Right Why don't you just pay attention The first time you watch it No can't do Can't do that Get off your phone

I was watching TikToks Goes down very well With a few TikToks on the side That way Alright on the show today More cash up for grabs 7.30 we'll play I Spy with famous New Zealand landmarks.

We've got $250 cash at 7.30 and a $200 OPSM voucher. Plus, Add to Cart returns today. 8 o'clock, we'll add the first item to our cart. Yesterday, it was all work from home. It was. Stuff. I wonder what today is. I haven't looked, which is shocking.

Normally, you have a peak, don't you? I know, I'm going to have a little peak. A little peak, see what it's got. Eight o'clock is when we'll do that. The top six coming up. Yeah, the top six are other things the government could send us text reminders about. Yeah, they'll send you a little reminder that it's time for your booster. Oh, we're getting boosted today.

We are. We've got a booster date at one o'clock. I got my government text. Did you? Yeah, I did. Confirming your appointment. Hi Hayley, it's time for your mole map follow-up. Sorry. It's a different one.

It's a different one. How's that? How's the mole map? I'm not very moley. I don't know why I got one and now having a follow-up seems absurd. Don't think I will. That'll be alright. Boring little map. Famously in New Zealand they won't be. Not a boring map. If you have one, you've got to stand in the weirdest poses, totally nude.

And they take all the photos. And they get like right up against you. And they've got a photo of your junk. And then you do exactly the same one next time you go and if any of them have changed

or new ones have popped up. What if you got smaller? The moles. Well, they're not tracking that. You just sit there and you wear undies and then they say have you noticed any on your channel? Oh, right. You wear undies. You didn't say that. You wear undies and then they say have you noticed

any on your Oh right you wear undies you didn't say that. I wedgie. No no no and they ask you if you've got any

on your jennies. Yeah right. Any spots of concern on your jennies. I don't think they're mole related. That's a question for my doctor.

Alright well the top six coming up next on the show though The Siren Kings are back And their choice of music Is rather bizarre You may not have heard of the term Siren Kings But you've definitely heard them before

These are, it's like a new thing That's been around maybe a year Maybe a couple of years No, new thing That's been around maybe A year Maybe a couple of years Oh no no It's been around It's been around ages It's definitely getting bigger I feel like it's cranking up

Or maybe it's because That's where I was living Before moving It was They were everywhere Yeah So Siren Kings are like They're like cars

That drive around With What are those like PA speakers PA speakers Yeah Like they'd have at school. Attached to the car. Yeah.

Like a megaphone. There was a spate of thefts of school announcement speakers. Megaphones. And even it's like some of them were the ones connected to the fire alarm. So when a fire alarm went off at the school, it went through, and you don't need wonderful quality. No. They just need to be loud.

And that's the thing that's so bizarre. It's like the point is to be loud, not quality. And there's that tinny sound and they drive by very slowly, often playing sort of surprising music. Yeah. This, the story that's got it, this is the song, this is the video shows cars parked up. This is near where you used to live.

Yeah, down by where people go kite surfing. I can't remember what that reserve was called but this is the exact song I remember when we lived in Te Atatu in West Auckland going down the road at various times throughout the night. It's so, hey living in the city

this every Friday Saturday night This is my life But just like Up and down the street I used to live off it An industrial road And they're just

Shipping down The whole time Oh my god yes It is so obnoxious But sometimes I don't get it I don't get it either But the interesting thing is

The most popular song That they play at the moment is none other than Celine Dion. The Power of Love. Because when it kicks in, when it kicks in, it would blast through the speakers. Because I'm your lady. He's cruising up Rosebank Road. Absolutely.

But the speakers on the outside, I always remember this, the car that did it around us, it had concealed speakers. Yeah, all the ones in the city do because if they're unconcealed, they get pulled over. But these guys have just got custom-built racks. So there's 18 on this one car, and that's the smaller of the two, 18 of these megaphones.

The aerodynamics are at the wazoo now because you've got so much drag. I tell you what, when fuel's $3 a litre, you're not going to be driving around all night, are you? No. I do love Celine Dion,

but it's something about the quality of the megaphone. It really twangs it out. Yeah. Well, anyway, there's the people in Te Atatou, because this has been going on all summer long, they say. They just park up there and blast. Is this just an Auckland problem? I don't know.

I doubt it. I think a Hamilton friend told me that there was someone in Hamilton doing it. Okay. But I can't speak for any of the other major... I just can't imagine these shenanigans being tolerated in Christchurch. No. You'd have old mate... You'd have an old mate with a digger.

Yeah. Blocking the road and putting the bucket through the window. Come through Maryvale with that, mate. You're going to hit a huge bar and they'll probably have something hanging. So if your speakers are too high, it'll clear them out. There'll be a vigilante group with flames and pitchforks. There literally says here that in Te Atatou, the residents are all coming together. They're at breaking point.

They're going to form a vigilante group because the cops aren't doing anything about it. Well, can they though? Because is it illegal? Yeah, public nuisance. Yeah, right. Absolutely. I hate to say that about Celine Dion.

She's not a public nuisance. But she's not the nuisance here. She's not the nuisance. Yeah. She's being used to be the nuisance though, isn't she? Against her. She's against the nuisance. Yeah. She's being used to be the nuisance, though, isn't she? Against her. She's against the nuisance against her will. If there's any siren kings listening,

can you text us and tell us what's the deal? Well, they won't be listening because they have to be up late. Because they're tired. Because they're tired playing the music. They're exhausted. But I don't get what you get out of being so obnoxious. Like, put the speakers in your car. Yeah, gone are the days where there's big speakers in the back,

you put the windows up, bass. There's no bass to these speakers. If you are a siren king, and you know when your alarm goes off in the morning and, like, everybody hates it? Yeah. You're that all the time to people who are trying to get sleep.

It is good, though. It is a good song. But also how dare they use Selene ironically. I know. She's a hero. Whenever you reach for me. All right, enough of that. We're turning into Siren Kings.

Get off. Work, man. We're going to take a good old look at the pits, the armpits, because they're currently trending. Armpits are trending worldwide? Right, okay. Armpits are the new face, apparently. Armpits are the new face.

They are. You heard it here first. Yeah. Well, the new trend specifically is armpit facials because there was a survey that Dove did. Remember they did a big campaign about armpits, like loving your armpit, moisturising your armpit, a couple of years ago.

Moisturising your armpits? Yeah. Interesting. Well, because we really whip them with the drying deodorant, don't we? Alcohol-heavy deodorant. Yeah, exactly. Well, no, I use alcohol-free. Do you?

Alcohol-free. Nothing about me is alcohol-free. But a whopping nine out of ten women said that they've got armpit insecurities. A whopping nine out of ten women. A whopping nine out of ten. And undeniable. Do you have armpit insecurities? I think they might.

No, not really. I think mine are tight. I think mine are nice. Is it discoloration? Yeah. So basically, I mean, there were lots of... Oh, yeah, that's giving us a sneak. I trimmed my...

I trim. You trim your armpit hairs? Yeah. Otherwise, it's a bush really it's my main thing was the type of deodorant i use is that like balmy stick stuff oh yeah yeah and because you're a granddad it's i tell you what old spice i i used the spray on it just wasn't cutting the mustard Nah spray on doesn't do Jack You've got to rub it I'm not I'm not a

You're a roller I'm a roller But then when the hair's too long The balmy stick gets hair in it And I don't feel like it's getting onto the skin To do its job Yuck So trim them

Well lots of women look up They looked at what we googled about our armpits Armpit fat loss I've never really thought about it There's more pressing issues than the fat in my armpit. Underarm whitening, underarm lightening, and underarm hyperpigmentation. How do you whiten your armpits?

Well, it's all because when you shave, you get the shadow. Like a lot of women shave their armpits, and you get the shadow and, you know, like ingrown hairs and stuff, and you can get a bit of, like, irritation. So an armpit facial is supposed to help you with that. Armpit ingrown hair that didn't go like fully gross but like got a head on it would be a good squeeze. Oh no, it'd be so sore.

It'd be really sore. It'd be really sore. A good squeeze, yeah. I've lasered, I've got no hair there anymore. Have you lasered under your pits? Yeah. Did that hurt like hell? Yeah, it's not nice.

It's pretty snappy. Right. But that sort of gets rid of a lot of the patchiness of it because you don't have the shadow of new hair coming through. But armpit facials, which is dealing with the actual skin in the pit, you get a high strength, this doesn't sound good,

high strength acid toner straight after shaving. Ugh, That would sting Acid in the pit Try to minimise hyperpigmentation Which is where you get patches of dark skin You can use a peeling solution I don't think you should be doing this

What about those Black masks That you put over your nose Your T-zone It's more of like a pause thing. It's going to open the pores too much, isn't it? I think it'll open the pores too much. Right.

This is saying put acid on it. It actually says acid. Yeah, I mean, you're going to use lots of acids on your skin. What's an acetone? An acetone, like there's that, what's that famous one? The Ordinary, and it's like a red one, and you put it on, and it burns your skin for a bit, and then bits of it peel off, and then you've got fresh skin.

Oh, that doesn't sound great. It doesn't really sound like something you should be doing at home. Not on your pits, anyway. Not on your pits. Probably better to do it on your pits than your face, though. Is a pit a sensitive skin? Is it a sensitive skin? It's going to never see the sun, really, does it?

I noticed mine was quite dry the other day, I think because of the deodorant I used. Yeah. I just gave it a bit of exfoliant. A bit of moisture. A bit of moisturiser, right. Moisture for a bit. I might have to go to the alcohol-free. I don't know, I'm a bit of a sweetie-betty, though.

I need the hard stuff. You know, I'm a Mitchum clinical protection. Oh. The Mitchum make a pink, one of those things I use. The gel. Yeah, that's what I'm using. The gel speaks to stuff, yeah. Sounds like someone's on big Mitchum money here pink, one of those things I use. The gel. Yeah, that's what I'm using. The gel speaks to stuff. Sounds like someone's on big Mitchum money here.

Oh, yeah. Get Mitchum in the pitchums. Flat-spotted Hayley, silly little pole, silly little pole. It is so silly, silly, silly that the silly little pole, silly little pole, silly little, that silly little pole. Silly little pole. Silly little pole. Silly little pole. Silly little pole.

Today's silly little pole, ice cream the topic. Ice cream the topic. The question is, what do you prefer to eat ice cream from? A bowl or a cone? How? I don't even know how this wasn't overwhelmingly in favour of cone. I feel like finally I'm not in the minority. You've been here.

Are you a bowl boy? Well, I prefer a bowl. If it was like a, what are those Copenhagen? He's a bowl bitch is what he is. Like a waffle cone. Yeah, like a waffle cone. I wouldn't mind a waffle cone, but the plain orange cones are disgusting. Gay time cones are an institution.

The little cup ones come in a lot of different colours. And then you've got your traditional cones. They were like purple and blue and red and green. Yeah, and then you've got your more traditional shaped cone. No, they taste like cardboard. I think a waffle cone is somewhat pretentious. There's a lot going on with a waffle cone. No time. They taste like cardboard. I think a waffle cone is somewhat pretentious. There's a lot going on with a waffle cone. This is certainly not a man that is interested in being

an everyday guy. He's too good for mince tacos. Are you too good for mince tacos? I'm actually too good for mince tacos. What are you, like a battered fish? Chicken or maybe some prawns. Oh, I'm not going to have mince tacos tonight. That sounds young. It rolls out.

I've got no time for mince tacos. You've got a sloppy taco handling technique. That's your problem there. Well, this is a very, very close 49% bowl, 51% cone. I'm glad to be on the winning team here, but by the slimmest of margins. I just thought, even my kids sometimes, if we get an ice cream, they're like, I'll just have it in a little tub.

I'm like, but you get to eat the cone. It's part of the experience. Because tell me, if you take away the flavour of ice cream, what is the flavour of an ice cream cone? A gay time. Cardboard. Communion.

Yeah. It tastes just like Catholic communion. Like a little wafer. Yeah. The body of Christ is the flavour. It's like getting the wafer biscuit, but there's no icing. Yeah. Yeah.

It's a bit drippy. But then the bowl offers you nothing. The drip and the sog, that's on, again, poor cone handlership. You've got to lick around to stop it dripping down, and you've got to eat your ice cream cone at a pace where you get to the bottom before the bottom falls out. If you don't get to the bottom before the bottom falls out, you're taking way too got to eat your ice cream cone at a pace where you get to the bottom before the bottom falls out. If you don't get to the bottom before the bottom falls out, you're taking way too long to eat your ice cream. Way too long.

Logan's messaged in saying, I'll take ice cream any way it comes. Which is fair. He's not fussy. He's a good lad. He's a good lad. He's a good lad. He's a good lad, that boy. But in a cone, it just hits different.

There's a time element involved with eating it. You've got to be quick. You'll be left with a sticky mess on your hands. Exactly. It's a skill. Ooh, bowl. Someone, Ivani, bowl because I zap it in the microwave so it's melty. Ooh, no.

That's custard. They eat, like, liquid ice cream. Runny ice cream. That's disgusting. Oh, I think people are more thinking about, like, at home. Right. I mean, no one buys a box of gay time cones, do you? Yeah, I love ice cream in a cone at home. Wow.

You make yourself an ice cream cone at home. Yeah, and then you get a little bowl, like a ramekin, and you put sprinkles in it and you give it a quick roll around and then you can have sprinkles on your own. But then eat it over the sink or the bench, please, because you don't want the sprinkles on the carpet. No sprinkles on the carpet. No sprinkles on the carpet. No sprinkles on the carpet.

That stains. Sarah says, bowl, you can get seconds and thirds. If it, just eat out of the damn tub. Fletch's mum's just sent a photo of Fletch eating an ice cream as a child. I think I've seen that photo before. No, it's actually eating two ice creams. Wow, that photo is sepia. Yes,

yes it is. It is a sepia photo from 1961. That's actually X-Pro 2. That's an early Instagram filter. Yeah, that's Instagram filters. Oh, wow. You used to get Instagram filters by opening the back of the camera just a little bit before winding the film on.

Just get a little ring around the end. Yeah. Get a nice bit of exposure. Anyway, it's a very close one here. A lot of people are saying cardboard cones, big no-no. Yeah, good. Waffle only. You've got to... I'm not paying five bucks for a waffle cone. That's absurd.

See, I'd just rather do gelato, you know, like, yeah. Oh my god. And then you get the little cup. So good. Sorry, Auckland. Yeah. No, I was thinking more... I don't want to do a gelato. Gelato and sorbet are trash.

I was thinking more rollicking. In Christchurch, rollicking gelato. Gelato is not trash. The best gelato ever. Gelato's trash. Gelato is trash. Sorbet is trash. Sorbet is the trashest of trash.

Gelato, though. If you're getting an ice cream, but you can't be like a creamy proper ice cream. No, yeah. Gelato's too much water involved. Gelato though. Gelato. But you can't be like a creamy proper ice cream. No, yeah. Gelato's too much water involved. Gelato is number one. Step back. What I'm saying is

Italians need to step back. Okay, and leave the creamy deliciousness to the more Northern European countries. Oh no. You've got pasta, you've got pizza, you've got spaghetti.

Just chill down there. They know what they're doing. Nah. Nah. 6.29 in the top six is on the way. Yeah, the top six other things the government

should be sending us text reminders about. Nice little text reminder from the government that it's time for your booster. Why aren't they just texting us all sorts of reminders? I wish they'd remind me

to take my pill every morning. I want to get myself in trouble one of these years. While Wordle has taken the world by storm. You get six guesses at a five-letter word. It'll tell you which letters you get right every guess. Right place.

Right place or in the word. And then you've got to get it. Yeah. And you get one shot every day. Have you guys played Loodle? Loodle? That's the... Lude words. Lude, yeah. There's lots of them.

Yeah. There's lots of like spin-offs of Wordle. Yeah, people made apps and stuff. But yeah, Wordle's just a web-based thing, one a day. I thought it was British. I did too. But it's not. Spoiler alert, it's American.

Yeah, it is. Hence American words. And you alert, it's American. Yeah, it is. Hence American words. And you know how they use American... Silly American spelling. They miss entire letters. They use Zs instead of Ss. And they miss Us and stuff. But a neurologist at the Ohio State University Medical Center

has said, Why Wordle is great for us. Playing the game can improve your cognitive health. Puzzles and games, especially those involving novelty, can stimulate and challenge key parts of the brain, including reasoning, language, logic, visual perception, attention, and flexibility. Do you remember there was a real craze for apps

like a few years ago that were like brain apps, brain games? Yeah. Do you need to link your right and left brain and become a more successful person all around? And I remember being like, yeah man my brain's dead. Do this app for 20 minutes a day.

20 minutes a day and your brain will work smarter. Did that help? No, I think I did it for like a week. And then you subscribe and it was like 25 bucks a week. Yeah, you do it for a week for free. And then they actually make you smart enough to realize what's happening is probably a scam. Yeah. Or just insanely expensive.

But Wordle's fun because it's once a day. Yep. It's competitive. You get to brag to your friends. Yeah. Yeah. Which is why it's been competitive. You get to brag to your friends. Yeah. Yeah. Which is why it's been so popular because everybody brags to their friends. I got it in three today.

Yeah. No, you didn't. Four today. No, that was an example. No, okay. I just wanted to make sure that the audience knew. Yeah, well, Vaughn got it in five today, so. No, Vaughn was five too.

I got it in four today. I was five. Oh, you were five. What's your better average? I haven't failed yet. What have you got? 4. I think 4 is my average.

So I'm on an 18 streak. That's pretty much since I started playing. I missed a Saturday once. Well, it's hard because I use a different computer each time. This all sounds like excuses. 100% win. Yeah, I got a 100% win too. 14 of my 18 have been a fourth word guess.

I've only gone to five three times. I've never solved it on a six. Have you ever cheated? No. Good. How would you cheat? Just by cheating. Like someone knows.

Okay, we've got a Wyatt Fletcher's little, he's worked out how to cheat. Have you cheated? There are websites online that you can put in like a word ending in ER. Like a Scrabble helper or something. Yeah, it's like, I forget what it's called. Yeah, I used to cheat. Remember Words With Friends? Yeah, you used to cheat hard.

Which was like Scrabble, man, I used to cheat. Same. Yeah. Like best word score for, and then you'd insert the letters, and it would jumble the words for you. Yeah, and then your friends would be like, she's so smart. Yeah.

I guess I went to Queen Margaret College. What can I say? They told me how to cheat. Yeah. From the sophisticated Zed and Think Tank, this is the Top Six. Hi. A million people will be getting a reminder this week

from the government that it's time for your booster. Not us, because we're... Booster. We've got a booster date today, don't we? We do. I was going to go today, but I've got to do that last day of the convoy. So I'll go when I'm finished. You've got to get your tent that's on the beehive front line, don't you?

Yeah. Pick up your American flag. Yeah. We left it behind last night. Yeah, well, Trump's going to run again in 2024, so I thought I should let everybody know of American flag. Yeah. You left it behind last night. Yeah, well, Trump's going to run again in 2024, so I thought I should let everybody know of the flag of another nation that seems to have little or nothing to do. The supporters on the news last night were very well spoken.

Oh, weren't they? I thought they were very... Weren't they a great representative of a fringe group? They really did. They spoke well. Yeah. They spoke really well. Oh, just...

Eloquent. Yeah. Eloquent, eloquent. Also, I loved, there was a... On Reddit last night, also I loved there was a on Reddit last night floating around there was a poll yeah

a Twitter poll that one of the members of the freedom movement had put up and they were asking questions that they expected an overwhelming majority in their favour

right but they always garnered less than 5% of the vote oh yeah yeah right yeah I don't call them anti-vaxxers anymore.

I call them pandemic prolongers. Oh, that's a nice touch. That's good. That's a good touch. Because that's what they're doing, really, isn't it? I call them something else, but... That word gets you fired. I can't do that.

Yeah. Well, I've got the top six other things that the government should send us text reminders about if they're going to remind us about boosters. Number six on the list, mum's birthday. I mean, I always remember March 6th. Yeah. Two weeks to the day after mine.

Because of February being short. Just Vaughan getting in now reminding you. 20th of February. Yeah. I was born in 1982, so I mean, it's a big one this year. It is. It's a big one. Number five on the list of the top six things

the government should text us reminders about. That we need gas in the car. We need to get petrol. That'd be good. Yeah, just a gentle reminder so it's not so much of a shock when you jump in the car.

Or they could text your partner like hypothetically if you had a wife maybe who used the vehicle and got the gas onto the light but didn't tell you and also didn't fill it up. Yeah, hypothetically. Hypothetically speaking, I'd imagine that would be one hell of a scenario

to find yourself in. Yeah, you've never found yourself in that at all, have you? Absolutely not. No. She's not listening, is she? No. No. No.

Number four on the list of the top six things the government should send us text reminders about, high tides. Oh, that'd be good. Especially the really high ones, the king tides. Nothing worse than getting to the beach and it's low tide. And you're just walking out. You're nearly at Rangitoto Island.

Like, no. We're going across mud and shells and you're like, this isn't what the beach is supposed to be. It would be good. A little like, hey, Hayley, the pool is looking good. Yeah. Or when,, Hayley. Hi, Todd. It's looking good. Yeah. Yeah.

Or when, you know, driving back along the northwestern in Auckland, if there's a king tide, you think, heck, that water's close to the road. Yeah. But if they let you know, you'd be expecting it. Yeah. Or you could just use your phone and get a tide app. I've got a tide app on my watch. Look.

If I swipe, I made a special, over the summer, I made a special marine infographic face. It tells me how high the UV factor is. Is that so you can look for your pippies? Yeah. I'll go out for pippies anytime, mate. I don't know if you're tired of the tides. Mother Nature can't stop me depleting her resources.

A bucket of pippies at a time. Number three on the list of the top six other things that the government should send us text reminders about are when an endangered New Zealand bird is born. Oh, that'd be lovely. Beep, beep. You look and it's like, great news, Kiwi.

Yeah, go. That'd be nice. It'd warm your day, wouldn't it? Yeah, it would. Boop, boop. Look down. They're like,

oh, this one's a good one. Kakapo. Oh. It's like when the blood service texts you and they're like, hey, we used your blood. Yeah. You saved a life today.

Yeah. Gives you a nice little warm feeling. I'd love to know if... Have you ever checked up on that? I mean, how would I? What do they say that? Text them and say... Maybe it's used at a hospital and you're by the hospital,

you just pop in, you're like, yeah, all right, who got it? And you walk in, you're like, you're welcome. Yeah. Something you want to say to me? Yeah. A little thank you, maybe? A little thank you wouldn't go amiss. For that quart of blood that you got.

Yeah, it's good blood. Number two on the list of the top six other things the government should text you. Reminders about our rubbish day. Oh, yeah. Oh, please. And it's changed this week, hasn't it? Because of the... The public holiday.

Public holiday. Yeah, your public holiday generally pushes it out a day. But we're already pushed out a day because of... In Auckland, anyway, because of two public holidays. I don't know what day. Back to back. I just leave it out on the street the whole week and just walk out and put my rubbish in in Auckland anyway, because of two public holidays. I don't know what day. Back to back. I just leave it out on the street the whole week and just walk out and put my rubbish in there.

Yeah, yeah, leave it out there. Every day. That's a hot way. And then when it gets like stinky juice in the bottom, you can't smell it from your house. Not my issue. That's the name of the problem. They live closer to the road.

And number one on the list of the top six other things that the government should text you reminders about when your partner's in a huffy. Like just watch out before you get home. Yeah, yeah. Maybe their blood pressure spiked on their smartwatch or they've been sending texts with aggressive tone to it. Certain words that have aggressive tones.

And just so you can be prepped. Yeah. Will the government be able to interpret what kind of huffy we're talking? Are we talking a silent huffy? Are we talking I'm gunning for a fight Huffy? Maybe. Maybe. Using the technology

that they've also used to inject us all with microchips, the government can fight. I don't know what these microchips are doing so far. I tried paying, I tried to do paywave the other day just by waving my hand over the top. Didn't work. No free money. Give us some time.

It'll come through. Come on. That is today's top six. Play ZM's Fletch Vaughan and Hayley. Play ZM. Well, a Reddit user has shared a post of their wheelchair that they have slightly modified. They've pimped it. They posted a picture of the wheelchair and the comment, I made these spikes on the handle to stop, quote,

helpful people grabbing me without consent. It is strange because you would never go up to a person not in a wheelchair from behind and just start moving them. No, you wouldn't. You would never just start shuffling someone along as if you were helping them. I mean, God, I've walked behind some slow walkers and I'd love to just shunt them out of the way, but yeah,

you can't. You don't. It's not like the good old days. Walking down a street, someone's in front of you walking too slow, grab their ass, move them to the side. Yeah, give them a slap. Come on, sweetheart. Whack. Some of us are trying to walk a bit quicker than you. But I never even thought, I mean, I would never do it,

but I'm sure there would be people out there who see someone in a wheelchair and think, well, I'll just give them a push. And they don't want that. No. Well, not if they're going along, but if they were stopped at lights or something and the light went green and they were kind of like, whoop,, getting going, I'd be like, I'll give you a hand and I'd get them started.

But wouldn't you say, do you want a hand? I probably would. I mean, nobody's grabbing this wheelchair. Like, look at those spikes. They've absolutely spiked them. Like, there's nowhere. There's a razor wire on the handles. Yeah. But then they're in trouble when they don't need a hand.

Well, I guess I can take them off. They look kind of rubbery, don't they? Plastic rubbery. Roll them off. But yeah. That's one way to do it. One way to do it. But how awkward would that be?

Ow! You just grab it. Ow! Yeah, well, don't move me. But it got me thinking about the times when, because I'm guessing they've put these on because people think they're being helpful. They're not being rude.

Yeah. Inadvertently they are, I guess. I mean, you would hope so. But has there ever been a time when anybody listening now has tried to be helpful to someone and it just wasn't needed or they didn't want it?

Or you thought you were helping, but you absolutely weren't. Over summer, I was in the supermarket and I was on self-serve and someone next to me was talking to the person who worked there. And they were like, okay, well, for a start, we'll put that back. And then, yeah, take this one off that. And I was like, oh, they don't have enough money to pay for their groceries.

Yeah. And so I like let it happen for a little bit. And then I was like, How much shorter are you? Because I really debated with I don't want to get involved But then I was like how much shorter are you? I can just You know I'm more than happy to help you

Because it was a mum with like a young child So I was like I don't want this person going without They weren't buying bad stuff It was all like essentials And I was like how much shorter are you? person going without. They weren't buying bad stuff. It was all like essentials. And I was like, how much short are you? And they looked at me kind of puzzled. I was like, oh, I'm more than happy to like top it up.

Spot, yeah? Yeah. And they kept looking and then I kept like being like, it's okay. It's okay. It's fine. She wasn't short of money. What a hero. She was doing two payments.

Oh. Because they were going somewhere and so she was buying stuff for both couples that were going. Oh. But she was like, okay, no, no, no, sorry, that one, take that off and put that back. And then we'll take that one off and we'll like, and then this guy next to them is like, hey, sweetheart, I'm plush with cash.

Let me sort you out. And when the confusion was sorted, the lady's like, oh, thank you. No, no, no, no, no, thank you. But then I was just standing there like Oh Awkward What a dick What a dick I've got you babe I've got you

I'm pretty Yeah look at this I'm doing all right for myself Are you wanting to do a good thing? Yeah But the help was not assisted Yeah Do you know what my pet peeve is?

Is like women in the gym This happens all the time If you're in a mixed gym And you're like squatting Or you're doing something heavy, men will always sort of linger around and oh,

spot you. Do they? Just to like give you a little involuntary spot. You're like, I'm good. Do they? And then if you're sort of

having a little like heavy push moment in which you need to send it to the legs, which is the whole point of it. Yeah. They sort of start to step in like they're like,

oh, she's not going to make it. Because she's a weak, frail woman. Because she's a frail woman. She's a little lady. Yeah. Those little twigs aren't going to go anywhere. No. What happens. And they'll kind of come in like they're like, oh, she's not going to make it. Because she's a weak, frail woman. Because she's a frail woman. She's a little lady. Yeah. Those little twigs

aren't going to go anywhere. No. It annoys me and they'll kind of come in and you're like, just leave me alone. I would never. No, neither.

Because then I'd be worried that they'd tell the ladies at the gym I was being a gym creep and that is my biggest fear. You are a gym pest. I'm not a gym pest. You're a gym pest. I do everything I can

to not be a gym pest. So what have you said to guys when they've done that? No one's actually come in and like touched the bar, but they sort of linger around and will like come forward if you get to that little crunchy point where you're like, I'm pushing my max here. Yeah.

You just sort of smile. You'd have to have a bar over your throat like choking and I'd still just be like, I don't know. Is she working the neck today? I don't want to seem like a creep. I don't want to go over there. She's gasping for air. Yeah, but you know, this isn't my part. I'm not getting involved. Well, yeah, unless you're in don't want to seem like a creep. I don't want to go over there. She's gasping for air. Yeah, but, you know, this isn't my part.

I'm not getting involved. Well, yeah, unless you're in trouble. Unless someone asks for a spot or you say help or spot. Yeah. Oh, my God. All right, well, give us a call. We want to hear from you this morning. When did you think you were helping somebody out,

but it turns out you weren't and they did not need your help or want it? Maybe you pushed someone in a wheelchair. I will never do that. Maybe you thought you were helping out Hayley squat at the gym. Don't touch my bar. She doesn't need you touching her bar. If you see her in the gym, the place she needs support is under the ass, really. Absolutely.

A couple of hands under there. Don't touch the bar. Get right underneath her. Grab her by the seat. Raise me up. 0800 DALS at M. Give us a call. You can text 9696.

When did you think you were helping somebody out? Well, a wheelchair user on Reddit has shown off their rubber or plastic spikes that they've put on their handles to stop, quote, helpful people wheeling them along. Just coming along uninvited, unasked, and helping. And just wheeling them. And they don't want the help or need it. No. No.

So we want to know from you this morning, when did you think you were helping somebody out? Because this must happen all the time. And then someone's like, I do not need your help. I remember I watched my best friend give birth to her second baby, and obviously you feel so useless. And I remember at one point sort of tickling her knee

thinking this will help distract her from the pain. Tickle, tickle, tickle. Oh goodness me that's that vagina is stretched within an inch of existence. Tickle, tickle, tickle. Jacob, when did you

think you were helping? Oh so about two months ago, I was at the supermarket. And there was this elderly lady, and she was loading some groceries into her car, but she was really struggling. She looked to be about, like, 90-odd, somewhere around there. Yeah, and she was really struggling, so I decided that I would, you know, get out of my car and help her

because she was struggling. And you're a good boy you're a hero yeah i think anyway i go up to her and i start putting the groceries into you know helping her get the groceries into the um thing and she's just nobody if off i can do it myself. And then basically, you know, I just thought, oh, my God, like this is embarrassing. There's people around. I don't know if they, you know, think what's going on. But anyway, I go back to the car, and she's still calling me an a-hole and cursing at me.

I love old people. Oh, I'm like, I have never met, you know, I always like to help the elderly, But, you know, this was... That'll put you off. That'll put you off. Yeah, not anymore. Definitely. But she's probably been fighting with her family.

They've probably been trying to take her car off her and get her into a rest home. I was going to say, 90 years old. I have no idea. I have no idea. I just really caught her on the wrong day. She looked like a nice old lady. But she was a... She was a vulture.

She was. Jacob, thanks for your call. Sarah, when did you think you were helping somebody? Hi, so I am a property manager, commercial property manager, and I had to kick someone out of my building because he was homeless and he was hanging out there on the weekends, and we closed on the weekends. And I felt really, really, really bad for kicking him out.

And then I saw him later at the supermarket, and I felt sorry for him, so I bought him a slice of pizza. Yeah. And he just looked at me and told me I was vegan, and he didn't want it. Told you he was vegan. Yeah. I was trying to do something nice,

but I was real scared for kicking him out, and it just wasn't taking well. Take me to a Whole Foods distillery or bugger off. Yeah, give me a salad instead. Sarah, thanks for your call. Cameron, when did you think you were helping someone? Hi, guys. So I used to work at a rest home,

and I used to help feed some of the elderly in the administrative state. Yeah. And I used to fill up bowls, about 20-odd bowls of mule-lead potato, mule-lead meat, gravy, vegetables and so forth. And I used to do them around, serving about

20-odd people, spoon-feeding them, making sure they all got their dinner. And as I do, some people don't eat, so I'm like, okay, that's fine. So I walk around and I see someone who hasn't eaten. So I'm like, okay, that's fine. So I walk around and I see someone who hasn't eaten. So I'm like, okay, I'll help you. I grab a bowl and I start feeding them and they swat me away like old people do. So I'm going to piss off and start picking up their knife and fork

and eat their bloody mac and cheese just by themselves. So they weren't the one in a vegetative state? Yeah. No, no. Oh, dear. Oh, my gosh. That was a bitative state. Yeah. No. No. Oh dear. Oh my gosh. That was a bit embarrassing. Here comes the train.

Like Cameron, Cameron, I can do this myself. I think I would just avoid the awkwardness and just let you finish feeding me. Yeah, same, same. In that situation. And then have to pretend to be in a vegetative state every time you walk past the door.

Cameron, thanks. You call some messages. Moved into a new house with a pool. It's our first pool ever. It was new in the area. The neighbour came over to welcome us and said she'd spent a lot of time with the previous owners. Right. And had had young, because they both had young kids.

Yeah. I said, well, you can bring them over anytime for a swim. And then she gave me a funny look and she said, actually, we've got a pool of our own. But I would have also, I would have read that that was what was implied there. Yeah, they were certainly fishing for an invite over for the pool. And don't do that. If you ever move into a place at the pool, don't ever offer anybody to come over anytime they want for a swim. You said we could come over.

I don't mean that. I'm not opening the gate. You were there. He said that. You did. He said that many times. I've been popping by in the heat of the night and cooling off. I wondered what the splashing was.

You straight down the cover off. You're going to drown under there one night. Yeah. The surface of the water very thick. Just don't ever offer anything unless you're actually willing to. Because there'll be people that will always take advantage of that. Oh, yeah. People.

Always. People. Why? What have you offered that somebody's? No, how do I say this without being pretentious? Don't worry, I just talked about that. I am having a pool and we're bringing Evelyn. My parents own an apartment in Italy.

And they've always said like, look Always open to friends and family Yeah And I'm always like Didn't you say to us Yeah anytime you're in Italy Yeah You just know I'm never Going to be in Italy though

It was a safe bet Exactly In a tiny village in Italy So many people have booked In the middle of nowhere So many people have booked Really Oh my god

Uh oh She's going to have to move out For a bit What an absolute First world problem Don't offer anything I'm talking about The dating world A world I know to move out for a bit. What an absolute first world problem. I'm talking about the dating world,

a world I know absolutely nothing of. Haven't been on a date ever. Like a proper like, let's meet up, I don't know you date, let's chat about our dreams. No, not really. I mean, I went on a date with Aaron, but I'm sort of still on it. But you met him at a party, right? So you met him before the date was organised? No, I met him at drama school and then we met up and went on a date with Aaron but I'm sort of still on it. But you met him at a party, right? So you met him before the date was organised? No, I met him at drama school

and then we met up and went on a date. Oh. So you haven't really done the traditional... Never done the traditional dating and definitely... And you're living together

and you're not married and I assume you're having sex. So again, very non-traditional. I, for one, am disgusted. Yeah, I know. I'm sorry. Yeah, you're really letting us Catholics down. Yeah, I know. Well'm sorry. Yeah, you're really letting us Catholics down.

Yeah, I know. Well, there's some new dating trends for 2022. Some you may recognise, some absolutely new to me. Okay. And a lot of this has been obviously influenced by the pandemic. The way that, you know, because we can't... The pandemic levado. The pandemic levado.

Okay. Because we can't go out. We haven't been meeting people. It's been a strange time. So people are reassessing. So one of the new dating terms is explorer dating. Explorer dating. Which is meaning that more than a third of people on dating apps

are now describing their dating style as exploratory. Meaning that they're exploring new things. They're changing what they think that they were looking for because, you know, we've lost two years. Yeah, right. So considering potential matches that previously they would have swiped left on, they're going, I'm going to get a little bit exploratory on this. Maybe older, younger, physically or intellectually different

to what they're used to. Some, it's even different genders. Yeah, right. Having a bit more of a dabble out there. different to what they're used to. In some, it's even different genders. Yeah, right. Having a bit more of a dabble out there. Another one, another dating term is consciously single. So we all remember the conscious uncoupling of Gwyneth Paltrow and Chris Martin of Coldplay fame. Consciously single is the choice of remaining single,

not dating, but as opposed to being like single or alone, you're consciously single. Okay. Right, okay. Whatever makes you feel good. Bumble's also predicting a new term, Power PDA. They're saying that the year of 2022 will be the year

of PDA, Public Displays of Affection. Why? Because we're not so scared of the COVIDs anymore. We've all got it. So are you saying people have missed the PDAs? Yeah. And so they're embracing it more. Yeah, so because we haven't been able to all mack out for a couple of years.

Right. I mean, we're still not out of the woods though, are we? They're calling it vaxxed, waxed and ready for sacks. Wow. Okay. That's what they're calling it. They're really like jump and ready for sacks. Wow, okay. That's what they're calling it. They're really like jump in. Are you big on PDAs?

No. No, I didn't think so. I'll hold a hand. Yep. You're a little bit more than I thought you would be. You reckon? Yeah. Like a bit of babe and babe and get us another wine, babe.

But that's after a bottle of wine. Yeah, and I was talking to Fletch. Hey, babe. He was not responding. But, of course, there's the likes of Kourtney Kardashian, Travis Barker, or Machine Gun Kelly. Yuck. They're just hanging on to that.

Surely nobody saw that and thought, that's for me. Carrying on like that, that's for me. Surely nobody saw that and was like, that's what I want to be. People saying how gross it is. Yeah. Yeah. And the last of them is fast forwarding,

which basically means like cutting to the chase. We've lost all this time. So we've lost all this time. We're not mucking around. We're not mucking around. I want to get in. Get it done.

And I want to get serious. Yep. I want to get it done. Skip this fluffy bit at the start and get into some content. Want to get it done? Skip this fluffy bit at the start and get into some content? No, what am I? Jesus. Cut the nonsense.

Get into the content. What is that? What am I after here? Cut the fluff. Get into the meat of it. Get into the content of this. Let's get into the content of this relationship. ZM's I Spy to OPSM.

Up for grabs, $250 cash and a $200 OPSM voucher. You can get 30% off lenses when purchased with a frame and 20% off contacts at OPSM. The offer ends on the 20th of February. What a great day that is. What a beautiful day. What a beautiful day. The birth of Vaughan Smith and the ending of this OPSM, the offer ends on the 20th of February. What a great day that is. What a beautiful day. What a beautiful day. The birth of Vaughan Smith and the ending of this OPSM offer.

And the ending of your 30s. Yes. The ending of your youth. My birthday buddy, Rihanna, she'll... Oh, yeah. She's same day as you, isn't she? This is her last birthday before she becomes a mama. How old is she turning? 40 as you, isn't she? This is her last birthday before she becomes a mama. How old is she turning?

40 as well, isn't it? We're both very successful 39-year-olds. Playing I Spy with famous New Zealand landmarks, Deanna. Good morning. Good morning. Now, it's I Spy. Hayley, you're in the Coromandel. I am the Coromandel, and I spied with my little eye something beginning with H.

What's your guess? I think it's Hot Water Beach. Yes. Yes, very good. Congratulations. That was a little bit more complicated. It was. I was thinking it was the Helen P. Bottle.

Helen P. Bottle. Not even in the Coromandel. You wouldn't call that the Coromandel. It's in Pairoa. Ooh, agree to disagree. I'd call that the Coromandel. It's off the Huckabee Gorge. No. It's at the base of the Coromandel. It's in Pairoa. Ooh, agree to disagree. I'd call that Pairoa. It's off the Haki Gorge. No.

It's at the base of the Coromandel. No, it's not. No, it's not. If someone said to you, oh my God, we're going to the Coromandel for summer, and you're like, oh, which part? And they're like, Pairoa. You'd be like, mm.

No. You'd be like, no, that's... Oh, technically the Hauraki District of the Waikato region. Apologies. Located at the base of the Coromandel Peninsula. Yeah, but it's not the... It's not the Coromandel.

That's like saying the... Yeah, yeah. Deanna's still on the phone. Do you want to chime in here? What do you reckon? The Pai Naua is the pubes on the base and the Coromandel's the sticky out bit. Okay, so it's not required, but it's nice.

It's just not the sticky out bit. It's not the Coromandel. And if I'm going on holiday, I want to go right to the end. Anyway, Deanna, you've won $250 cash. The Coromandel.com has a section on quite a shush, Deanna. The Coromandel..com which is a special website you can go to to learn all about

the Coromantle has a piece on Pairoa. No, it's not. It's the base. It's Hauraki Plains District. Exactly. It's not. What's their voting area then?

Yeah, I don't know. That's what I'm trying to find out. Deanna, congratulations. All thanks to OPSM. We'll play again tomorrow. Coming up on the show before 8 o'clock. Apparently a little surprise.

This surprise, fairly in the dark about it, but the producers have sorted something out with somebody on the phone. Oh, okay. It's before 8 o'clock. Next, though. One in four pet owners will do this thing. It's a bit weird, to be honest.

All right, it's next. Adele, oh, my God. On ZM. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley. We all know that dogs are very loyal to their owners, but are owners the same? There's been a study done that looks into the relationship between adults and their furry friends.

So not just dogs, cats as well? Not just dogs. I mean, they've focused on dogs, but cats are part of this. I think just more of the respondents had dogs than cats. 82% of people in the survey said it was love at first sight when they met their pet, which is far more than when they meet their husband or wife. Sure. Yeah, but then their husband or wife. Sure. Yeah, but then their husband or wife isn't furry and cute, are they?

Yeah. 36% of them said that their dog is their closest friend in the world. Well, that's lame. A previous study backed this up saying that three in five people also think their pet is a soulmate. Don't do that to yourself because they don't live as long as you. Yeah, you're just setting yourself up for a Marley and me, aren't you? Yeah, and then you'll get another one and you'll have another soulmate. Don't do that to yourself because they don't live as long as you. Yeah, you're just setting yourself up for a Marley and me, aren't you? Yeah, and then you'll get another

one and you'll have another soulmate and then you will have lost more soulmates than you've kept. Yeah, that's sad. Nearly half of them admitted that they spoil their dogs even more than their actual partner. Yeah. That's you. How many brushes have you bought recently?

I've bought a lot of brushes. He likes brushes. Well, I was trying to find the best one. Yeah. Did you get a definitive answer on the best brush? Yeah, it's the yellow one with the button. He loves that one. Oh, yeah, retractable.

I forget what they call them. And then you push the button and it sucks them in so you can get the fur out of the brushes. Yeah, okay, that's a great idea for a brush. Here's the most alarming fact from the survey. One in four, a quarter of pet owners would actually sacrifice their own life to save their pet. Oh, see, it's easy to say that.

Let's see them put that into action, though. Yeah, I know. Yeah. It's easy to say you don't. Okay, well, give me a scenario. Okay. Major Murray is going to... A fork's bounced off the bench and it landed in a PowerPoint. Okay.

And he's interested. He's heading over, tongue out. Yeah. The only way to stop him is to grab the fork. Right. I'm assuming there's a bit of jelly meat on the end of the fork. Sure. Okay.

So that's why he's attracted to the fork and the power socket. The only way to stop him is not to grab the cat. No, you can't grab the cat. Is to dive at the fork and pull it out with your bare hands. Right. But at that stage, having 240 volts course through your body.

But I'm not going to die from that, am I? Could do. Yeah. It might be the thing that just, you know, pushes him hard. I'd probably just be like, scare him. And then if he... No option apart from grabbing the fork out and sacrificing yourself. No, I'm not going to do that. Oh, no, I'd get a stick.

I'd get a wooden stick. No, no, no, there's no other options. There's no time. He's about 40 centimetres away. And running. From the fork. And he is... Hooning towards the fork.

Okay, because there's meat on the end of it. Because there's meat on the end. Oh. Because there's meat on the end. Oh, God, okay. Tongue out. So you're a no. I'm a no. You're a no. Vaughan, the gates have been left open at the farmlet.

No. All the animals have sprawled out onto State Highway 16. No. And there is a giant truck. There is a giant truck. That's life. The driver is on his iPad, so he doesn't see. What's he doing on his iPad?

They all watch TV shows. He's watching a show. Pay attention, TV shows. He's watching a show. Pay attention, truck driver. He's watching Shark Tank. And so all the animals are about to get killed. No, there's no point in me sacrificing myself

for them because then what's going to happen to them afterwards? You could die getting all of them out of the way but you sacrifice yourself in front of the truck.

No, I wouldn't because I've got a family to think of as well. What good's a miniature Highland cow alive? It can't provide for them. Shardé's just going to have to start pulling away around the farm. She's not going to want to.

She's going to be too busy. She's too distraught dealing with her dead husband. Yeah. She didn't even get a good send off because I got obliterated by a truck. Okay, here's one. Your cat, Rolly, is you're up a huge cliff, 100 metres high, and he's on the end of a tree branch sticking out from the cliff. Let him fall.

Cats always land on their feet. You could go out there and grab him and throw him back, but then the tree stump will break. You'd fall to your death. I think I'd do it. In the blind heat of the moment. Okay, let me add this scenario. You've just poured yourself a Prosecco.

So if you like go do this. The Prosecco's back on land. Well, the Prosecco's on land. It's probably, the bubbles are going to be gone. It's probably going to be warm. It's wasted. Yeah. No, okay. I would grab the Prosecco going to be gone. It's probably going to be warm. Yeah. It's wasted. Yeah. No, okay.

I would grab the Prosecco in the gob, crawling along the thing. With the wine glass in your mouth. Like that. Crawling along the tree. Catch Raleigh. Chuck him. And I guess I get to go and go. You get one last Prosecco on the way. Get one last Prosecco.

But you would save your cat and... Probably. I care so deeply for him. Nah. He's so cute and he would be so confused and scared. What did he go out on the tree for in the first place? Because he's a curious little cat. I don't want anyone sacrificing themselves for any pets, please.

His mum was ignoring him because she's on the Prosecco. Yeah, this is our first bottle that's been open. If I could just hark back to the argument of whether or not Pairoa is in the Coromandel. The Coromandel Peninsula is classified as land east of the Waihau River and the Hauraki Plains is west. The river, the Waihau River, flows through the centre of Pairoa. On the east side of that river, falling under Coromandel,

is the Helen P. Bottle. So, wow. Pow, pow, pow, pow, pow, pow, pow. We're purists. We're Coromandel purists. Exactly. We're peninsula only. Oh, you Paunui types. We're peninsula-ists.'re Coromandel purists. Exactly. We're peninsula only. Oh, you're Pawanui types.

We're peninsula-ists. I'm sorry, a bit more grassroots. A bit more grassroots Coromandel myself. So you were saying if you were organising with a group of friends to go to Pairoa, no, to go away for New Year's, and they were like, let's go to the Coromandel, and someone was like, I'll book. I'll book us a place in the Coromandel.

And they booked. And then you turned up and it was Pairoa. I'd be angry, but I couldn't say they were wrong. I should have asked more questions. Yeah, that's on you. Should have asked more questions. Next on the show, Executive Intern Anya's got something up her sleeve.

I don't like not knowing. I don't like not knowing what's going on. So do you remember last week in the podcast where you were talking about caricatures and you were wondering what feature you would get that would accentuate? Yes. That would be accentuated in there.

How did we get onto that? It was in the podcast intro, so only podcast listeners would have heard this. Was Producer Jared talking about... Producer Jared has one. That's right. I can't remember if that was what got us onto it. I think me, me and

Vaughn were talking caricatures during some Friday night fortnight. Oh, right. Okay. Pretty cool dude stuff. We were also talking

on Friday night, weren't we, Fletch? Yeah. About caricatures? Fancy that. Just about cooler things. Fancy that.

But yeah, producer Jared had one done once. What did they do with the X MIDI? And she was not happy with it. That's right. The ex-girlfriend didn't like it because she had a big forehead, didn't she?

Yeah. Whopping forehead. Yeah. And scary eyebrows. Okay. I think I know what's coming. So you were all wondering which features would be accentuated of yourselves. And I have asked Rod Emerson, who is NZ Herald's editorial cartoonist.

He does all the politicians. Yes, he does. Yes, to come on the show and keep an eye on FVHZM because we've got a little treat for you. Oh, no. Oh, no. It's going to be my nose, isn't it? He's definitely coming for my nose.

He's definitely coming for my nose. Has he done a picture of us? Yeah. I'm very strong in the brow. Oh, no. You imagine like a Neanderthal type of situation. Yeah. Hoo, hoo.

Well, what about your nose? Do you reckon he'll give you a button nose? Yeah, just be as cute as you say. I'd imagine I'm pretty hard to make fun of. All right, we'll find out next. Sit down. We're joined on the fight by Rod Emerson, who does the editorial cartoons for the New Zealand Herald.

And it's all because we were talking about, initially in the podcast and then again just before, if we were to be caricatured, which I will get confirmation from Rod exactly how that said. What feature of ours would be the most prominent? Good morning, Rod. Morning. How are we all? Good. Morning. How are we all?

Good. Good? How do we say it? Caricature. Caricature, yeah. Caricature. Like character. Well, caricature is, I mean, it's an old art, I have to say.

It goes back long before printing came on the scene. It was around in the days of gargoyles, when they were putting gargoyles on buildings as roof spouting. And I guess where it sort of met art was, you could probably put it down to Michelangelo. Now, he was a Ninja Turtle, wasn't he? Yes, he was. Gotcha.

Do you ever feel like when you're doing a caricature of someone, be they famous or not, do you ever feel like worried they're going to be offended? No. That's why you're a good artist. Because that's what got us onto this. These people, these artists in the street, you can pay, you know, your $20.

Yeah. And then you come away with like like, some self-esteem issues. Oh, yeah, I didn't realise my nose was that bad. Yeah. Well, that's actually one of the best ways to actually learn how to draw the human face. And I've done that myself. Years ago, I set myself up at markets and fairs

doing face after face after face after face. But I wouldn't charge $20, I would charge $5 because if they hated it, you know, it's only $5 and it'll be in the bin around the corner. And a lifetime of... One of the two. A lifetime of

trauma around. Yeah. Well, unbeknownst to us, the producers have actually had you commission a piece of us where you will exaggerate our features. Oh my gosh,

it's just gone through. Oh no. No. Wow. We've just had it sent through. Are my eyes that big? Yeah, they're pretty googly.

So that was actually quite an easy do, that one. Wow. I look like you're about to run me over and I'm a possum. You look like Dobby the house elf. Master, give Dobby a sock! This feels appropriate that Vaughn and I have rosy cheeks. We've had a few drinks. Yeah.

Yeah, exactly. I don't know what you've had there, Fletch. Me? I'm on the pingers Yeah, exactly. I really feel like you've had a few drinks. I don't know what you've had there, Fletch. Me? I'm on the pingers, I think. I'm the bulbs. Hayley was the hardest to draw because I needed photographic reference. So I went through Facebook and all sorts of social media sites looking for photographs of you guys.

Yeah. And just about all the photographs of Hayley, she looks completely different. Yeah, I've got a face like that. This is what my partner always says to me. He's like, that's not you, that's not you, this is you. And then you see the promo photograph and you're like, hang on, is this the same person? Oh, I know. Let's not

talk about that promo photo, but you've got the nose right. Hair's done, make-up's on. Yeah, exactly. Oh, wow, Rod, it looks amazing. Oh, I love this so much. I feel like we're politicians now. Yes, so? Do you have a favourite politician to draw?

Not really because it's more about the story. It's not about the person. Right. So it's not a personal attack, right? But if they're the centre of the story, then you have to draw them. And so it takes quite some time to work out a way of depicting them in very fine line work. And I remember when John Key first became Prime Minister, I just battled for probably a year and a half trying to capture his face properly.

Yeah, it was... Very difficult. Very difficult. Very difficult. But once you find those key points, and generally you're going to start with the nose, but really it's the eyes. It's the eyes and eyebrow and the expressions and that triangle including the nose. Once you've got that, you can put that on anything, you know?

Wow. Like that caricature of Fletch that I've got there, you could put that on Michelangelo the turtle. You absolutely could. You absolutely could. Wow. Wow. What an honour to be drawn by you, honestly.

Yeah. Such an honour. Have you ever had any politicians hit you up for the way that you have drawn them? Yeah, when I was working in Australia, I had one that was quite offended. But, you know, you've got to roll with it because, you know, you've got to have a sense of humour. I've got to tell you, I have spent absolutely thousands on these teeth and you have captured them. Purely white and dead straight.

My God. Every dollar was worth it. Well, that paid off, didn't it? Yeah, look at that. Wow, you've got a fan. Rod Emerson, thank you so much for taking the time to do that and for speaking with us this morning. We really appreciate it.

Not a problem, guys. Hey, and if you want to check it out, check it out. My giant eyes. Which is googly Mr. Burns' eyes. Dobby the house elf. You can head to our Instagram and our Facebook, FVHZM. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley. Play ZM's ZM's Add to Cart.

Add to Cart. Our virtual shopping cart. We put four items in each day. You've got to be the first caller through at 5 o'clock this afternoon with Bree and Clint to name every single item. So we'll give you the items across the day at 8am and then at 11, 2 and 4. The first item today.

Ooh! It's a Lululemon set. Okay. See, the boy's not so tickled by that one, but honestly, I'm frothing. What is it? I know what Lululemon is. A what? Pitchered is a Lululemon crop bra

and a Lululemon famous yoga mat. They are the superior yoga mats in the yoga industry. Okay. Alright, well, put down that Lululemon famous yoga mat. They are the superior yoga mats in the yoga industry. Okay. All right, well, put down that Lululemon set for 8am and Georgia will have your next Add to Cart coming up at 11 this morning. Play ZM's Fletch Vaughan and Hayley.

Am I a bad person? Am I a bad person? Yes, yes. Sorry. Somebody has reached out to us and as a nation, Am I a bad person? Yes, yes. Oh, sorry. Somebody has reached out to us, and as a nation, we need to judge this situation. Nothing I love more than a bit of judgy time. Than sticking your nose in someone else's business.

Yeah, being like, it's my opinion. They invited our nose. Yeah, they did. They did. We have been emailed by an anonymous woman who, I'll just read you the email. Okay. And we'll get the situation. Hi, guys.

I recently bought my first house. Congrats. Congratulations. Honestly, in this day and age, congrats. Yeah. And my little sister has moved in as my flatty. We get on really well. And even though we're really different, I've always been like another mum to her and would do

anything for her. She's 22, I'm 30, so we're in pretty different places socially. My issue is she keeps bringing these random guys back to the house and they all are to be 22 again. I was with Aaron. Boring. They'll often

hang around all day, eat my food and sometimes she goes to work and leaves me alone with these big brawny losers. She's got a type. That's my type. Back off. And they hang around while she's out. That's bad. I've talked to her before about boundaries and given her

a stern word and it hasn't worked. Am I a bad person for simply banning one night stands here? You can't. If it was someone she was seeing regularly, then it'd be absolutely fine, but I'm sick of the revolving door in my own house. If they're paying rent, you can't put a rule on their sexual.

I would say to her, like, please don't leave them here when you go. Yeah, I'd say the same. When you leave, they've got to leave. You can't leave strangers in the house. Strangers in the house are not cool with do whatever you want as long as you're here to supervise these big brawny dudes.

Yeah, it would be hard to hear your little sister just getting it down. She's paying, I assume, to live there so she's your flatmate over little sister now. She's covering your mortgage. She is. Yeah, but then she is your sister. So you could probably, if this was rather a friend or a stranger.

Yeah. You can probably pressure her. Shelly keeps having when Ned's dead. It's every man. But then she's going to move out. If it was your house, I mean, the bigger issue is, I totally agree. The bigger issue is that they are hanging around. Yeah.

In the bedroom. Do you think once she is gone, the little sister is gone. They should be gone that they are hanging around. Yeah. Horrible. In the bedroom, do your thing. Once she is gone, the little sister is gone. They should be gone too. They gots to go. Eating their food. Oh, yeah, that's a no-no. Yeah.

That's a flatmate. See, that's something that comes into, you can enforce against your flatmates, so you can't have people eating your food. No, I know. But the little sister can probably eat the big sister's food. I mean, that's family sharing. Yeah, exactly. Whereas her little, the brawny losers, as she so eloquently put it,

that she leaves behind, they've got to go. Yeah. But you can't ban one night stands. No. She's 22 years old. This would be a problem in flats, right? Oh, yeah. This would be a big issue.

Did you used to have people... Like, I lived... The most I ever lived with was five people, and we lived in an old villa. Those walls were not insulated, and they were thin. I lived in a house. There was five bedrooms. Each of them had a person,

and I was living in the conservatory. Luckily, no one was getting any action because they wouldn't have just been in the room. But we would have been stoked for them. We would have been pretty pleased. Yeah, good work you. Go fella. Go you. But it was never really an issue. Yeah. Okay, well we want to take

your calls now. Is the sister a bad person for having a one night stand rule? Yeah. Is the older sister a bad person for wanting to ban one night stands? I don't think she's a bad person. Is the older sister a bad person for wanting to ban one night stands? I don't think she's a bad person for wanting them out of the house when the little sister's not there.

No, no. That's completely fair. But is she a bad person if she wants to put like a blanket rule? Yeah. No more one night stands. Well, maybe this has been a problem in your flat with people coming and going.

Because it's also a security thing, right? I better not get, we better not get any phone calls from any of my ex-flatmates from my uni days. Well, Hayley, who are you to cast judgment? 0800 Dials at M, give us a call. You can text as well, 9696. Is the older sister a bad person

for wanting to ban one-night stands in her house? Maybe you've been in a similar situation in your flat. Give us a call. Am I a bad person? So an email in from the older sister. Yes, she's recently bought a house, her first house. Her little sister's moved in as the flatty. The little sister keeps bringing home her one night stands

and leaving the, quote, big brawny losers behind when she leaves for the day. And so the Big Sisters emailed to say, am I a bad person for banning one-night stands here? She's a little bit tired of the revolving door. I think she just needs to ban them being in the house when the Little Sisters not there. We all agree on that, I believe.

Yeah, that's the general consensus on all the texts that are coming in as well. Right, Paige, what do you think? Is the older sister a bad person for wanting to ban one-night stands? I think that banning one-night stands is a bit over the top because her sister could be out there and she would

never know where her sister's getting up to and I think it would cause a constant flood of worry. If it was like me having my little sister live with me, I would express my feelings into her and just say, hey, look, I'm really upset that this has happened. Is there anything that we can come to a conclusion on what the next step is from here?

Yeah. Very mature way of framing. Yes, very mature. Opening communication. Very. But it's your sibling, so I'd imagine at some stage it's just going to turn into a scrap. A scrap.

Just a nipple gripple. Thanks, Paige. Anonymous, what do you think? I don't think it makes her a bad person necessarily, but I do think if you look at it practically, I'd rather my sibling having one night stands in a safe environment than at some random place. This is true. That's very true.

That's very true, because if she bans them at her flat, it doesn't mean she's going to stop having them. It just means she's not going to be having them at home where she feels safe anymore. It's like what parents used to say, if you're going to take drugs, rather you do them under my roof. Yeah, and then give Dad a little hood on that. What you got there?

Woo! Anonymous, thanks for your call. Kat, what do you think? Is the older sister a bad person? No, I don't think so Because it's not like she hasn't tried to talk to her about it before And she's not gone like randomly right You can't do this anymore

Like her sister continues to disrespect her And it's probably because siblings always try and do something And think, oh, it'll be fine They're just my most sister. At the end of the day, it's her house and her rules, really. Rent or no rent. Yeah.

This is true. This is true. It's hard to, that's the difference, isn't it? Because when we lived as flat, like flatmates, no one owned the house. No one was the sort of... And no one was a blood relative, were they? No, exactly, no.

Okay, Kat, thank you. Message is in. Someone said, it's your house, so you can make whatever rules you want. And if they don't like them, they can leave. Then they don't stipulate what rules that they should put in place. But the general vibe is,

don't ban the one night stands. Because as somebody said, I think every classic Kiwi relationship starts with a one-night stand and then you go from there. And that's a fair call. They just never leave. That's a fair call.

Or you never leave. Yeah. But so, you know, people are saying don't ban her from those because she might find Mr. Right. He might be the next one. Mr. Forever might be the next one. Could be denying her the chance of meeting a husband.

True. Then she's going to have one of these big doof heads in her kitchen forever. Yeah, but then he can start paying some rent as well. Don't speak about Aaron like that. Just hang around. Our flatmate used to bring home randos all the time. We said to her, maybe not every single weekend, maybe,

because there's a lot of people who are getting a look around our house. One time, one of them stole the jug. Not the base of the jug that you plug in, just the jug. We saw him walking out on the security cameras with our jug in the morning. Maybe he needed to clear his windscreen. Was this winter? Yeah. That'll be it. You should never pour hot water

on your windscreen. Nobody could have just been using it as a jug. Room temperature. Just a sort of water vessel. But he didn't bring it back, so that's something he knows. So they might have needed to defrost their windscreens as well, perhaps. All right. Well, she's not a bad person. Not a bad person.

Not a bad person. But maybe, like, pull back a bit. Sure. Play. ZM's Fletch Vaughan and Hayley. Fact of the day, day, day, day, day. Today's fact of the day comes from Reddit user Lord Simon, but psy as in P-S-Y, like Psy.

Oh. Right. Or Psy. Like Gangnam Style Psy. Psy, like that. Some background research to verify this fact? Or are you just rolling with a random? No, no, no, no.

I've seen the maths. Oh, yeah, okay. And the maths is explained. Oh, okay. The Lord Simon has 105,000 karma points. Comment karma and 5.2. He's a serious Redditor. Yeah, he knows his stuff.

Okay. And his fact of the day is the national open road speed limit in New Zealand is 1.25 million Weet-Burks per hour. Wait, what? I just liked this a lot because we always like the open road speed limit is 100 kilometres an hour. Yes. But do you think about it in terms of how many Weet-Bix you would go past

if you drove in a straight line at exactly 100 kilometres an hour with Weet-Bix lined up along the side of that road, how many Weet-Bix would you go past in one hour? And what was it again? 1.25 million Weet-Bix per hour. Who's laying these out? End to end, no gap between. And what if you get to the end of the packet

and there's like one of those half-broken ones or it's all flaky? Discard it and get me a whole Weet-Bix. It's essential that these are eight centimetres in length. Okay. Initially, the fool that he is, he did the calculations

off the UK wheat bix, which is interesting. A wheater bix. Yep. 1.5 centimetres longer. Oh, a bit longer. We're a bit shorter down under.

It's a nine and a half centimetre wheater bix. Okay. In the UK, but here our wheat hyphenbix Yeah Are eight centimetres in length You would hope that they would be

Of equi-nutritional value Despite the size Despite the size difference You know Between the Weetabix and the Is there any gap between There'd be a slight gap Wouldn't there

Absolutely End on end touch please End on end touch They need to be touching So is he gluing them? You could if you wanted. Because even if the odd one had a millimetre gap, that's going to throw out calculations.

It's going to throw out the whole mathematics of that. Yeah, but it would average out because surely if there was one... Oh, sorry, did you say a gap? Yeah. I thought you meant if one was like a millimetre longer, but then the average would be... I'd imagine sanitarium have got that down and everyone's the same. Yeah.

Because how do they make Weet-Bix? How do they make them? Is it in like, you know, like a muffin tray but it's a Weet-Bix tray or do they cut it?

Do they cut it soft and then... They bake them. They 100%. They would piece together. Weet-Bix is like MDF board. You know MDF board? There's a moulding machine.

Oh, is there? And then when it bakes them it gives them that crisp edge to make it look like it's not particularly like machine made. So if it's moulding machine. Oh, is it? And then when it bakes them it gives them that crisp edge to make it look like it's not particularly like machine made. So if it's moulding Is there a video?

Yeah, there is. Okay, what are they doing here? They're moulding up. Oh yeah, the flakes. The flakes. The flakes on the conveyor belt. Oh, they push through a mould. Okay, so they're always

going to be exactly the same size. And then they bake them. Yeah, and then they bake them like that. Very uniformed. Look, there they are in the oven. Oh yeah. Fire, fire same size. And then they bake them. Yeah, and then they bake them like that. Look, there they are in the oven. Oh, yeah.

Fire, fire. Fire. And then they come out. God, they're really going through the machine. I can't believe they don't fall apart. Oh, ew, he's touching them all. He's got his phalanges all over them. Look at that. Oh, and then that machine's probably like, that's a good one.

Send it through. Wrap them up. Amazing. Stack them up and away you go. Was that the UK factory? It is the UK factory, but I believe it's very similar. It would be very similar. Yeah, because they did look longer. You're right. Yeah. Amazing. Stack them up and away you go. Was that the UK factory? It is the UK factory, but I believe it's very similar. It would be very similar. Yeah, because they did look longer.

You're right. Yeah. Okay. Well, so they'd be the same size, but they'd have to be touching. Yes. Okay. End to end. Fantastic math.

There would have to be some quite severe quality control on this test. Oh, yeah. Oh, it would take so long because 1.25 million Weet-Bix is nuts. You'd need a lot of volunteers. It's an insane amount of Weet-Bix. I don't have many Weet-Bix. How many Weet-Bix in a. You'd need a lot of volunteers. It's an insane amount of Weet-Bix. I don't have any Weet-Bix. How many Weet-Bix in a box? The big box?

Yeah. I don't know. Because you get how many boxes alone would you need? And then all of these Weet-Bix could feed the poor too. Twelve in a box. How many would be in a box? I don't know. I don't eat Weet-Bix.

No one does. No one actually eats it. There'd be twelve in a row and then there'd be up, like 48. Oh, you're right, a big box. I was going with one of those little tissue boxes. The little holiday box. So let's say, oh, hang on. We need to work this out.

How many, not gal many, how many Weet-Bix? I go gal.menu. Whenever I'm Googling something on my phone, Google does a magnificent job working out what I mean because it would be gal.menu. Okay, in a 1K, in a, so let's say there's 48. Yeah. There's 48 in a 1KG box.

Yeah, so 1.25 million divided by 48. 26,000. 26,000? 26,000 boxes. 26,000 and 50 boxes. And how much is a box of Weet-Bix? How much is a big box of Weet-Bix? I'll tell you what, Sanitarium won't be paying any tax on our purchase of all these boxes either, will they? No, Weet-Bix, here you go, 760.

760? For a biggie. 760? Yeah. Okay, so that- Oh no, sorry, 560 for the 750 gram, which is go, $7.60. $7.60? For a biggie. $7.60? Yeah. Okay, so that- Oh, no, sorry, $5.60 for the $7.50 gram, which is what I did the maths on. That's too late.

I paid for too much, so they have to reimburse me. I was paying just shy of $200,000 of Wheat Bix for this experiment. And see, New Zealanders would easily eat that. And then, you know what would happen? We'd get nearly to the end of laying out all these Wheat Bix, and it would rain. It would.

And they'd go soggy. And they'd expand. That would push them out. The mass would be all out. That would expand. We're going to need to build a tunnel as well. A 100 kilometre long tunnel. You have to add that to the budget. You've blown the budget out completely.

Maybe a circle. No. Maybe this is a job for another person. Maybe a circle. Like in Maybe this is a job for another person. Maybe a circle. Like in a domed racing track. Yeah, but then a circle. Yeah, okay. We'll have to work out some additional maths there.

I'm imagining pies probably going to have to be involved. Not delicious PIE confusing PI. 3.141.6. Yeah. So today's fact of the day from Lord Simon, Reddit user Lord Simon, is that the New Zealand national open road speed limit is 1.25 million Weetbooks per hour. Fact of the day, day, day, day, day.

Do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley. Do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do- Okay, yeah. She's a straight 10 out of 10. Okay. Absolute stunner. No wonder she's making money out of it. So she's got a huge following. It's grown and grown and grown and grown. And she's just discovered that her identity has been stolen. And not by a human, but by a sex toy manufacturer in China who have used her body and face to create a fun doll for people to have fun with and cuddle and take out for lunch. How did they manage that without like a 3D scan?

Well, she's got a lot of photos online. Right. You basically could get a 3D scan from her OnlyFans. How would you take this news? Would you be horrified but also slightly flattered? I get it. I get it. I'm in great shape.

Yeah. I mean, for her, she said it's a complete breach of trust, an abuse of her body, a violation of her sense of identity. You know, it feels like a real, yeah, it's an invasion of her privacy. And now she's sort of speaking out about the troubles she has being a beautiful woman on social media and people constantly sort of taking advantage of that. But this is, that's a bit full on.

If someone took my identity like as a picture like took my pictures from OnlyFans and said this is me, it would sort of make sense but to make it a manufactured and make money off of you make money out of it, exactly I wouldn't

cross her too hard, she's been in the military everybody Israeli does service and same with some of the cross her too hard. She's been in the military. Everybody Israeli does service. And same with some of the Scandinavian countries. Norway, I think you've got it. I've done a lot of work

with the Norwegian army. That's not a lie either. They all do a year's service. So what, you finish high school and then do a year? You've got like a couple of years in which to do it.

Right. I think it's before 21 or something like that. Okay, so if you're doing just like a Bachelor of Comms, you might better get that wrapped up before. Yeah.

Yeah. Can I just do like an easy military job, like counting things in the warehouse? Dude, you want to join the army band. I'm telling you,

and then you get to travel the world and hang out with lovely marching girls. Is that why? Because you're marching. Yeah. You got involved. We've been to the military tattoo with the Norwegian Army.

They're a great group, the Norwegian Army band. I would imagine snappy dresses. Their uniform is second to none. But yeah, they do a year's service. Okay. You're breathing heavily, I've noticed. Since we started talking about the Norwegian Army uniform, both of you have been heavy breathing.

It's tight. Well, this is triggering what we think could be an impossible phone-in topic. Have you hooked up with a member of the Norwegian Army? No, not that one, no. Please don't. Please don't. But Hayley joins us. Side impossible.

We want to know if you've ever had your identity stolen. Yes. And I'm hoping for some really big ones because as a teenager, someone stole my photos once. What did they do with them? They put it on like a MySpace or a Facebook. No, it wasn't Facebook. It was a teenager.

On a MySpace or something or a Bebo maybe and created a profile. But has anybody ever had it stolen to the point where they're using it to try and get money or credit cards or anything like that? Because that's where it gets serious, because you're on the hook for all this money. Exactly. And you've got nothing to do with it. Or has your identity ever been stolen by a Chinese sex toy manufacturing company? We don't know.

It's impossible. Imagine if it did and then you found out, like, you were reduced to clear. Oh, my God, yeah. I don't want to be in the dollar bin. I don't want to be in the dollar bin. I can do better. Let me prove I can do better. Or you end up on Wish or something.

Oh. With your mouth like this. Is that what I look like? Well, the impossible phone-in topic. Have you ever had your identity stolen? Yes, an Israeli-only fans model has had her whole body stolen, basically, by a sexy fun toy manufacturing company.

I mean, if she was on board with this, she'd be making some cash. Yeah, I know. Maybe that's the only thing, you know. What? Show her some cash. Yeah, pay up. It's her body. Maybe she's into some cash.

Well, we want to hear from you this morning, and no shortage of stories. This will not be the impossible phone-in topic today. Lauren, what happened? So it wasn't actually me. It was my husband. We're from South Africa. Yep.

And his identity was stolen, and vehicles were actually licensed in his name. Oh, my God. And we just randomly had the cops rock up one day at our house to say that the vehicles were linked to house robberies. So, yeah, it was quite a mission. We had to basically get affidavits and everything, giving proof that he wasn't the one that had licensed or purchased any of the vehicles.

Wow. And you get free speeding, though, wouldn't you? Yeah. Because you get free speeding tickets. Now, Lauren, you're sure your husband's not just taking you for a ride here and he's not just stringing a web of lies? Well, I hope not. That probably would, have that ever crossed your mind?

No, definitely not. We've been married for nearly 10 years, I'm sure. Definitely not him. Could you even get away with that here? Like, what happens when you buy a car? If you're buying it privately, you don't show ID, do you? No, you just pay for it. And you fill out that form.

You could put anything. You could. Seems a bit lax. It does. Actually, we found a bit of a loophole. Lauren, thanks. You're cool. Rebecca, you had your identity stolen.

What happened? I left my wallet when I was pregnant and had a dumb ring. Yeah. And I left it in a trolley at the supermarket. And by the time I realised, gone back, someone had taken my wallet and used my card. And I thought that was, like, the end of it. Yeah.

I got that kept filled. And then five years later, I get tracked down to say that they had racked up a bill at like cash converters or something. What? And they'd used your ID or something? They used my ID because they had all my date of birth, all of the information, and she looked very similar to me in the photo.

Oh my God. Oh no. Yeah. So she got the debt racked up and then didn't have to pay it back because it was all connected to my name. Did you have a hard time convincing them that that wasn't you that did it?

Yeah, so because I reported it two days later about my ID, because I didn't even think of it. Pregnancy brain again tells me that. And because the report didn't match the day that it was, I had to pay it. So I'm currently paying it

five years later. Wait, you're paying it? How much? Yeah, I had to pay it. How much did they rack up? So it was like a $420 loan out and then because there was no payment

and then there was interest, I ended up, I've got like $670 to pay or something like that. That is terrible. Oh my gosh, that is so stupid that you have to pay that. I'd be looking, I'd be walking around town looking for anyone that looked like me. Yeah.

Surely, like, if she got a loan out, they would have had it on camera, right? There would be a security camera. Yeah, but if she looks like her. Yeah, so we look very similar. Oh my God. Wow. This isn't a fight situation, is it? She doesn't think you're Tyler Durden when you, like, went to sleep. They don't take your fingerprints when you get alone,

do they? Basically, just, at Cash Converters, you just sign your signature and real easy, my name's Rebecca, so it's real easy to make a big R and then a scribble at the end sort of situation. Oh, no.

Rebecca, that's horrible. All right, hey, thanks for your call. Some other text messages in on stolen, your stolen identity, basically. My ID was missing out of my wallet. I got a call from Afterpay a few days later. Apparently I was a relatively new user of Afterpay, but I'd really checked a few things up.

Yeah, right. Which kind of set alarm bells off at Afterpay HQ, and they rang me and I said, no, it's not me at all. Someone else, yeah, somebody else stole my sister's ID and created an Afterpay account spending thousands of dollars. And my sister had no idea until she had tried to apply for a car loan. You did that to your sister? Yeah.

No, no, no, no. It happened to their sister. Oh, it happened to their sister. I was going to say, like, doing that to your sister. Wow. I have the exact same name and a very similar date of birth to someone on the Interpol watch list. Oh.

Now, they didn't steal my identity, but we were very close. Every single airport I travelled through, I got stopped and searched. Dubai, they even took apart the moon boot I was wearing to see if I was hiding anything in there. What a pain. I just changed my name. I changed my name, but then surely that would show up anyway because if you apply for a passport and you change your name.

True, suspicious behaviour. Maybe you could change your middle name to Not The Suspect. Yeah. Not who you think. Hayley Innocent Sproul. Hayley, no relation. Leave me alone. Please don't take apart my moon book.

Yeah, lots of people having it. We didn't even know, but we were having mail stolen after. They'd stolen enough they could assume our identity. And they hooked up their power companies and everything. And when they moved, they just kept changing companies and dodging the debts that accrued. It's a bit risky because you're getting your power connected to your address that you're living. Yeah, true. Not hard to find you.

My 13-year-old sister stole my fake student ID. Yeah. So this is still an ID ID but not her ID. That's also fake. And got banned from the Loaded Hog for stalking the bouncer. Now, 13, stealing ID, Loaded Hog, stalking bouncer. That's a wild ride. That's a lot to get up to before your 14th birthday, isn't it?