ZM's Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley - Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley Podcast - 9th February 2023

Episode Date: February 8, 2023

Silly Little Poll!  Top 6: RNZ Moneymaking Ideas  Post Break-Up Bali Trip  The Impossible Phoner!  Vaughans Post-it Notes  Fact of the Day Day Day Day Daaaaay!See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

The ZM Podcast Network. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley. Hello, welcome to the Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley podcast. It's thanks to McCafe. Treat yourself to McCafe coffee by redeeming your MyMaccas rewards points. Does anybody need anything welded? Uh, no. I busted out my welder yesterday and did some welding.

Do you weld? I'm learning to weld. I would never have took him for a welder yesterday and did some welding. Do you weld? I'm learning to weld. I would never have took him for a welder. I was thinking of getting sort of a choker.

I could weld that up. Like a necklace, you know, or a key. Like a chastity belt. Yes. We could forge that. We could cast it

and then we could spot weld it. I'll send you my hip measurements. Right. Why do you need a welder? Why didn do you need a welder? Why didn't I need a welder?

This is how I make every great decision. For some reason you need to fucking lathe. What have you lathe'd? I haven't lathe'd anything lately because I haven't got my bench sorted. But I've got to get my bench sorted and then it's going to be lathe time and it's going to be weld time.

Right. But what are you going to lathe? Anything you need that's wood and cylindrical. Waste of time. This is your guy. I'll make you a bowl. I'll make you a bowl. I'll make you a little bowl beside your bed to put your rings and such in. A trinket bowl.

Nobody wants your shitty bowl. I'll make a trinket bowl. I'll make you a cat bowl. I'll make a bespoke wooden cat bowl. I don't know that the wood is right. This apartment's more sort of industrial, you know, like classic contemporary. Right, well, I could weld him up of industrial, you know, like classic contemporary. Yeah, right. Well, I could weld them up something.

You could weld them a cat bomb. You could weld me a cat bomb. I'm doing this welding. What's it called? Arc welding. There's different types of welding. TIG, MIG, and arc. Now, I only got arc because it was the cheapest one.

Right. It's the hardest one to learn, though. Is it? You've got this rod thing, and you clip it on, and then you go tap, tap, tap, tap, like scrape, scrape, scrape, scrape to get it going. And then when it's going, you've got to hold it the perfect distance away from the two things you're trying to weld. Wearing this welding mask, which I bought the cheapest welding mask.

No, why would you do that? No, because it's dark the whole time. Whereas there's ones that are like, oh, here's a spark and then I'll quickly darken. Oh, that's magic. But when I was like, okay, I have to hold the thing up, and I did that. You know, you see welders, they've got it up so they can see, and then they flick their head forward, and the welding mask comes down. Did that a few times.

That looked pretty cool. That is cool. That's pretty cool. Hey, who's a neck at your age? But they're very much so. But then I was doing it, and I was just about to touch, and then it would be like, and it would do a weld. And so I got the bright lights in my eyes before I could flick my helmet down.

Oh, my God. That's really bad. I've been blown really bad. It's so bright that after it happens, it's like looking into the sun. You literally spend all of your mornings ruining your hearing. And now you're going to spend your afternoons ruining your vision. I'm destroying all of my senses. What are you welding?

Well, yesterday I've got this thing that I tow behind the lawnmower after you've mowed and it spins and it flicks the grass up and you collect all the grass. And it's a long, thin axle and it broke in the middle. So I welded it and it broke again. So what I did yesterday was I got three pieces of metal and welded them around

it, triple the strength, and then welded them on and then re-welded it and it is so ugly Yeah But it's working It's working It's working Wow

I'm gonna get better I promise What else are you hoping To weld in the future? Anything How much does a welder cost? It's like a hundred bucks For a cheap ass welder

Well that's the thing I'm not gonna use it too often No wonder it broke I mean no one Has a spark in their eyes Yeah I got sparked in the eye I didn't get a spark in the eyes But I saw the spark with my eyes

You're not meant to see the sparks With the naked eye You're not meant to see the sparks Oh my god I worry about you What is he doing out in that shed Like I just One day we're just going to find him

You should come around and have a go You're going to weld yourself to a piece of metal So how well that works I'll lay the leg I could lay your leg If you were to lose the bottom half of your leg I could make you a pig leg Yeah okay I just think I could lay your leg. If you were to lose the bottom half of your leg, I could make your peg leg. Yeah, okay.

I just think I'd go for sort of a nice sort of high science prosthetic. I'd go for a stringy athletics leg. The blade. I'd go for a blade. Full time? I could weld that for you. Yeah, full time. Full time boing.

Full time half boing. Yeah, I'd go full time. You'd move fast across the city. I know. I walk fast anyway. But you'd go in circles. Because one is more boingy than the other. Yeah, it might be off balance.

You'd have to get rid of the other. I reckon best get rid of both legs. And get double... Double springs. Double patoris. Okay. It's pistoris. What was his name?

Pesorius. No, that's that dinosaur that... Pesorius. Pesorius. Yeah. Oscar's that dinosaur. Thesaurus. Oscar Thesaurus. Yes. He was the guy to turn to when you needed a synonym or an antonym. He really was.

Thank you, Sam. Good morning. Welcome to the show. Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley. Happy Thursday morning. You're a bit tangled up there. I'm a bit tangled up. I'm working up a little. Slightly grumpy. Uh-oh. You a bit tangled up there? I'm a bit tangled up. I'm working up a little slightly grumpy.

Uh-oh. Did you say you're anxious? Do you know what it was? I've woken up a real bitch. Cheer up! I just want, do you know what? I wanted to look funky today. And then I went through my wardrobe. I would have tried on like five different outfits

and now I'm wearing the same thing I wear every bloody day. Oh no. No, I just wanted to look a bit cool and I couldn't figure it out. Right. I think you look cool. I think you bloody day. Oh, no. No, I just want it to look a bit cool and I couldn't figure it out. Right. I think you look cool. I think you're quite cool. I think you look quite funky. I think you're a cool dude.

No, I don't. I'm wearing a low bun and a black sack. That's cool. That's my look. That's a cool look. Anyway. Anyway, you're here. I'm here.

And I'm ready to laugh out loud with my best friends. Bam, bam, bam, bam. Coming up on the show, the top six. Yesterday, the Prime Minister binning a few, what do they call them? Policies? Policies that were on the table. One includes. Children out of poverty. Yeah, whatever.

Stay in poverty. Yeah. One of the ones was the TVNZ-RNZ merger, which was a big sigh of relief for everybody that works at RNZ or TVNZ. And it's already cost us, the taxpayer, like, what did they say? 20 million? It's on the paper. Yeah.

A whole bunch of millions. Millions of dollars. Was that wasted, was it? It was wasted, yeah. What did they spend that money on? Consulting. Consultants. I personally pocketed a couple of that.

Did you? Yeah. Right, because you were like, don't do it? Well, I'm a consultant. Yeah, right. Because remember, we went to dinner that time and I consulted one of the TVNZ execs on how they should run TVNZ.

Yeah, she had a couple of wines on board. And she... You get a bit lippy to an executive. Well, she got lippy. And then we literally arrived. She lectured. We ate, we left. Yeah.

And everyone was just like, Jesus, what was up with... And I just sat there like... I was the embarrassed husband that was saying, come on, it's time to go. Let's get out of my lippy wife home. I'm passionate. I'm passionate about entertainment. She was passionate.

She was very passionate. Okay, well, the top six is going to deal with this. Binned TVNZ TV One merger. Which means Radio New Zealand, if you don't know, Radio New Zealand doesn't play any ads. No. It doesn't do any promos for cash with big clients. No.

It's fully funded by the government. They just talk to people about gardening and plays. Yes. Oh, I've had a couple of my plays on RNZ. Did they translate well from the stage to straight audio? I had to really add quite a bit of milk to them, you know, to simmer them down a bit. Thicken the batter.

Right. Yeah, it's good fun. I love it. I've got the top six ways Radio New Zealand can start making its own bloody money. Yeah, because we're sick of paying. Well, I'm sick of paying. We're sick of paying. I'm going to stop my AP.

I'm paying and I'm making it for this company. I don't want to say I'm single-handedly holding the radio broadcast aloft. It sure bloody feels like it. You know that Atlas, the guy holding the world? You are that guy. That's me, except I'm holding radio up. It's instead of headphones and a microphone. Yes.

We'll have some tips from our commercial radio expert Vaughan Smith soon. I will be also billing the government for this consulting period that I'm going to put into the top six. How much are you going to charge? Well, it'll probably take me like two songs, but I'm going to bill them for a couple of hours and lunch. Right. Fair.

That's what consultants do. Silly little poll very soon. We're going to talk footpath etiquette. People that, and same with escalators as well. I feel like we don't do escalator etiquette well in New Zealand. Stay on the left. Walk on the right. I feel like we don't do escalator etiquette well in New Zealand. Stay on the left. Walk on the right. I know.

Come on, people. We don't just drive around on the right side of the road. No. Quilly nilly. Well, we'll deal with this soon. Scylla Little Pole will delve into the results. Next, so on the show. If you sell cocaine, you're probably already aware of this news.

Because... Good morning to our cocaine sellers. Good morning to you. I didn't know we had a lot of cocaine sellers. Oh, we're going to last. They've got to listen to something. I think Radio New Zealand's a little slow for them. It's slow for their liking.

There's a bit more energy here. But yeah, I'll tell you next, why $500 million of cocaine is off the market. All right, it's next. Play. ZM's Fletch Vaughan and Hayley. Many, many songs about cocaine. Well, not really, just with that one.

Cocaine. Cocaine by Eric Clapton. Yeah. I would have put that on the loudspeakers of the HMNZS Manawanu. Eh? Huh? No, it doesn't have an I on the end. I thought it had an I on the end. NoZ-S Manawanui. Huh? No, it doesn't have an I on the end.

I thought it had an I on the end. No, it's Manawanui. It's like Manawatu except... No, it's Manawanui. Well, then... I've been led astray by the Otago Daily Times. What's happened here? Oh, my God. Just clean...

Did you have a cheesy dinner? I've had... A cheesy dinner? Toasties. I've had three cheese toasties this morning. Oh. Yum. Look, H-M-N-Z-S Manawanui is a multi-role offshore support vessel.

Yeah, that's it. In the Royal Navy. Manawanui in this story. Oh. No, Manawanui. That's like Manawatu. Yeah, that's what I thought. Manawanui.

I thought it was the HMNZS Manawatu. It's pretty cool. It's got a crane. We've seen this one. Yeah, it's got a crane on the back and a little helicopter pad on the front. Yeah, I like those. Whose was this? When we went and saw the Navy base, the naval folk, the sailors and sailoresses.

Popeye. To Devonport. Yeah. When we went and saw Popeye at Devonport, we went on the Takaha, and this one was parked next to it. It's significantly, like, smaller. And there was a bit of a – I'm trying to think of the PG version of it, you know, where you flop it out and you have a bit of a I'm trying to think of the PG version of it. You know where you flop it out and you have a bit of a measuring competition.

Because one was the Prime Minister's and one was the Governor General's, like, official boat. Right. Do you remember that? Yeah, they get official boat. Well, they had the bigger one. Who had the quarters inside? Yeah, was it the Governor General? I think the Governor General had the bigger one. Did Chippy just get a boat? Chippy just got this one. Is this Chippy's boat? Does that mean he gets a bail or two? This cocaine?

They just fist it out of the ocean? I don't know. 3.2 tonnes of cocaine was adrift. What do you mean adrift? This is the biggest bust, biggest maritime bust in history of New Zealand.

Right, in the Pacific waters. Yeah. So it was, I saw photos of this. It looked like it had been like draped in like a fishing net and buoy. Hundreds of bu Zealand. Right, in the Pacific waters. Yeah. So it was, I saw photos of this. It looked like it had been like draped in like a fishing net and hundreds of buoys. So was it wrapped like, you know, when you go to the airport and you can wrap your bags?

Yes. Was it wrapped like that? Yeah. Because you don't want damp cocaine. Because they put all the bales on the table and it was all fine. Yeah, it was all wrapped in. But then it also looks like it's wrapped in those plastic woven bags that, you know, you put too

much in those and they just tear right open. Oh, yeah. In New Zealand, they're always red, white and blue. They've got a real cheap zip on them. These dealers are just not thinking of the environment. A lot of plastic. Plastics in the ocean. They'd have more of a sort of, you know, the cornstarch option.

Yeah. Which may disintegrate in the water. You'd think they'd have more of a sort of, you know, the cornstarch option. Which may disintegrate in the water. Because they don't know how long it would have been in the water. So they must have had like a GP tracker. It doesn't say how they found it. It's quite a significant like size, but at the same time, it's in the ocean. I don't know if you guys are aware.

That covers a vast amount of the planet. Most of it. Two thirds of it covered an ocean. And they say it was meant to go to Australia. So was it dumped off a boat kind of near here? Yeah. And then they were just hoping it would drift towards Australia. Yes.

And at some stage, a gang would get in the water in a boat with a, what, find my drug stash? They had an Apple AirTag on it. Oh, so it's got an AirTag in it. Okay, right. And they'd come across it. That's what they believe. They were just hanging it with the watch. And then they would then put it into their boat and it's in Australia.

It's part of Operation Hydros because they believe with restricted air travel and freight delays and everything, because even cocaine dealers are being hit by, you know. Oh, it's tough. It's been tough. By shipping delays due to COVID. Yeah. They believe that this would be the new way and they've very much, they just stumbled across 3. It's been tough. By shipping delays due to COVID. Yeah. They believed that this would be the new way

and they very much, they just stumbled across 3.2 tonnes of it. How much is it worth? 500 million. And apparently it would have fed New Zealand. Fed. We've got to stop this hunger. It would have satisfied New Zealand's hunger for nose Pepsis.

Yeah. For 30 years or Australia for one. Oh, wow. Aussie, are they racking them up? They must be doing some hoovering. Fat rails. I believe that.

Wow. So what do they do with it? Asking for a friend. I assume destroy. What was your story Last year of a Police agency Where they tipped it Down the drain

And all the fish Went all That's right There was an Yeah yeah There was an increase Because they're doing So much water testing

For COVID numbers And everything Oh no that's right It was in New Zealand That's right Our fish were high Where they tested COVID At all the interceptors

Yeah yeah And they said There's this insane spike, but I think that was MDMA. Oh, right. Insane spike in MDMA. And they said, oh, yeah, we made a major drug bust and we just kind of flushed it in the bog.

Which that doesn't fall under the three P's. P, poo and paper. Pills. Not one of the P's. Yeah, yeah. That we'll call a blockage. Is this what they talk about when they say three waters? Poos, peas and paper.

Poos, peas and paper. Right. Those are the three waters. And drug waters. Yeah, right. And coke water. What a wild time. Yeah.

So they said like the last one they intercepted was 800 kgs and obviously concerning that it's gone from 800 to 3.2 tonne. Yeah. Like that. Wow. How did they fight? Oh 3.2 tonne. Yeah. Like that. Wow. How did they fight? Oh, I've got so many questions. I know.

Fascinating stuff. Okay. So if you know a naval officer who all of a sudden Do you reckon there's one missing? Yeah.

Turns up in a new like Range Rover. Yeah. That'll be it. They just took a block. A brick or two. A brick. A couple of bricks. Yeah, right. Next on the show, the IRD. Good friends of mine. I've got

a lot of respect for the IRD. Why are we calling them the IR now? Like the news story says IR. In land revenue. Department. Are we dropping department? I think we're dropping department. Is it like when we would say rat tests? But the rat already encompasses tests. Or pin number. It's redundant.

Well, IR emailed 80,000 people and asked 80,000 people to return the cost of living payment that they accidentally paid out. Do you remember this? Yes, I do remember. Well, how many people actually paid it back out of 80,000? Probably most of them. Tell you next. Clay, Zed Ems, Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley.

Well, the IR, the Inland Revenue Department, emailed, got in touch with 80,000 people that wrongly received the cost of living payment. Do you remember this happened last year? Yeah, I do remember. And it even got sent to people that used to work here Like, I don't know, overseas visitors Might have had a job picking kiwi fruit Some of them got it Yeah, yeah, yeah

My brother got it Yeah, people that lived in Australia Yeah Did your brother pay it back? I've actually reported my brother, no I've reported him Did he not pay it back? I don't know

I haven't asked, but he wouldn't He wouldn't No I've reported him So next time he comes home, he's going to get arrested at the airport Oh my god, imagine if he had to pay it so he could only leave to go home if he

paid it. They should do that. They should do that. Well, yeah, a lot of people wrongly received it. So they emailed 80,000 people and it had received out of 80,000 people 2,772 repayments between the time they emailed and February 4, a few days ago.

And those people are idiots who paid back. It's like a student loan. It's not real. You know, you don't have to pay that. I don't know. I think they should just add it to your end of year. Can just sit there. Tax thing.

Yeah. Just minus it from your tax. Oh, that's a good idea. And then you've got to pay it back, don't you? And if you don't, interest. You'll do it in chunks. Who paid it?

Would you? Yeah, I would. How much was it? $350. Yeah. Had mistakenly received at least a portion of the $350 government handout last year. Was it in three lots? Yeah. Yeah.

Or two. Yeah, I can't lots? Yeah. Yeah. Or two. Yeah, I can't remember. Right. Yeah. Oh, God. Does Sade have to repay that? No, no, no. She got it.

Rightfully so. Unbelievable. She should pay that back. I feel like she should pay it back too. My jaw paid enough bloody tax. I'm paying enough bloody tax. What am I seeing for it? What am I seeing for it?

I can't even get a pothole fixed down the road. I can't even get a pothole fixed. Go to the green hall. You stop Zed B. What are they going to do about it? Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley. Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley. Silly little boys. Silly Little Pole is about walking on the footpath.

I saw this escalator etiquette being discussed on Reddit because an Australian was like, what the hell are you two guys doing? I hate that when they just block it. Some of us want to use it to move faster. Yeah, because you can walk up the escalator. Travelators as well. Stay to the left.

Stay to the left. Stay to the left so people can get past. But don't touch the handrails. No, no. That's what I say every time we go on one with the kids. I'm like, just hold on to me, not the handrails. We don't know who's touched that. Yeah, yuck.

Mankeys. Mankey, mankey, mankey. Footpath etiquette. Today's silly little poll. Keep left or keep right. I don't really care. I just want you to move faster. I think people just walk so slow.

I'm a fast walker. When we walk together, we get it, eh? We know. We're too fast. We know. Whereas Vaughn's like, doodle, doodle, dawdle. I can't, I can't. I'm walking. I'm taking it all in. I feel like, um, travelling around

the country, Wellingtonians get it. They get it. They get footpath etiquette. We got hustle, we got bus. It's because of all the public servants. Yeah. And what they just know, you stay on the left. Yeah. Whereas I feel like Auckland's a bit more meandering. So meandering. And then, you know when you're dealing with, when a cruise ship's in town,

all the Americans are in town and they're used to... They're on the wrong side of the road. I want to put my finger up their bum. They're used to walking on the right. I'm so close to like walking very close behind an American tourist and just being like boink. For doink? For doink, up the bum.

For doinker. You can move on. Well, don't. Again, please don't. I will reiterate again, not to. Yeah, you're worried about your kids putting their hands on the handrail. Well, you hold the handrails after you've had your finger up an American's bum.

So, 97% of people say keep left. Now, I just don't think 97% of people are practising as they preach. No, I agree. Especially on escalators. Right. Yeah. Let's read some responses.

Kushla. Dear Kushla. Okay. Love that name. I've always quite liked that name. Kushla. But I wasn't brave enough to give my children Kushla. They don't look like Kushlas, do they?

Mind you. Little Kushlas. They would have if that's all you've ever known them as. Yeah. I just went to Bali and you could tell the European tourists from the Kiwi and Aussie tourists by which side of the path or which side of the stairs they went down. It doesn't bother me too much. I just wanted to let you know I just went to Bali and you could tell the European tourists from the Kiwi and Aussie tourists by which side of the path or which side of the stairs they went down.

It doesn't bother me too much. I just wanted to let you know that I went to Bali. Yeah. Oh, don't worry. We understand. We work with one of those. Yeah, I'd love to touch base

with Kushla and find out where she went. Well, I can flick you her Instagram handle and you can talk Bali. But it's like when you go to another country, you've got to go

to the same side of the road. Adapt. You've got to adapt. Yeah. I feel like the 3% that answers stick to the road are in Southland because I'm always having to move to the other side when walking towards someone around town. Wide footpaths, wide streets. You've got wide footpaths.

Southland. You've got a sparse population. Just walk on the road. You just walk where you want. Anne says, applies in the supermarket too. Keep left. Keep to the left, you mother. Oh. And she's interesting. What says, applies in the supermarket too. Keep left, keep to the left, you mother.

Oh, and she's interesting. What did she swear? She swore. Very aggressive supermarket. So it doesn't matter what way you're coming down the lane, you'd be on whatever side we drive on.

If you're in the aisle on the supermarket and you're stuck to the left but you need something off the right hand side, do you indicate over, put your hazards on, leave your trolley

and grab your soy sauce? I'd leave my trolley on the left and walk over to the biscuits on the right. Yeah. Because I'm not going up and down every aisle. Left and then left. Up and down. On the left, no.

Not in every aisle because I like to do every aisle. So now I'm really getting my steps up on the supermarket shop. But don't get in the way of Anne when she's supermarket shopping. She'll swear at you. Becca says, it depends on the country you're in. You should stick to the same side that you drive on. Maybe that's why

we only got 3% of the answers. That was our international section. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. It could have been our European listeners, of which we have millions. Millions. This is the most popular podcast

in Europe. In Europe, yeah. Good morning. Good morning, Europe. Or good evening. No, it depends when they listen to it. It depends when you're listening.

Absolutely. But if you're in Europe right now, put your hand up. And I'm imagining just through the, you know, statistically, millions of people listening, someone's going to see somebody else with someone's hand up. They're going to walk over to them and say, are you listening to the Fletch, Ron and Hayley podcast? And they'll say, of course I am.

Or bonjour, bonjour, bonjour, bonjour. And the other person will go, hey, here's blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Someone in Japan's like. No. That's not in Europe. I dare and do it. And then there'll be, I think someone just fell in love. Yeah.

Okay, great. Did we just create love? Yes. I think we did. Holy moly. Effortlessly. Left, okay, great. Did we just create love? Yes. I think we did. Holy moly. Effortlessly. Left, same side of the road, same side as the road,

the footpath is just the road for walking. It is the walking road. Alexandra, that's poetic. It's poetic, yeah. To the left, because Beyonce told us this day, to the left, to the left. Yeah. What are your thoughts on Beyonce Fletch?

I've said it before on here, overrated. Most overrated pop star. Most overrated pop star in the history of... Hayley, do you agree? For me, Kim Petras is the number one pop star. Of all time. Beyonce, a little bit under that. Right, okay.

I'd like to hear from Mandy Moore again. If we're talking pop stars. Has she released new music recently? She's been busy acting, hasn't she? What has she been doing? Is that who I'm thinking? She was Rapunzel in Tangled, which I think might have been her finest role.

I'm a big Natalie Imbruglia girl myself. You've been gagging for the Imbruglia. Give me Billy Piper. You know what? Put me down for a Billy Piper too. A Billy Piper. Put me down for a Billy Piper. Three votes for Billy Piper.

Three for Billy? Three for Billy. And Maddie finally says, I live in Canada, so it's on the right-hand side. If I was back in New Zealand on the left, you'd follow your road rules. Yeah, you do. You're acclimatised. You follow your road rules. See, there's a lot of hooey, not a lot of dewey here, as my family likes to say.

We're talking about it, but it doesn't feel like we're doing it. Well, we've talked the talk. Now it's time to walk the walk. On the left side of the footpath. On the left-hand side. What about if you're with your partner on an escalator, do you have to be side by side or do you file

in on the left? Yeah, that's the problem. It's couples that hold up the escalators. I know. I'll never hesitate to do a brush pass. Excuse me. I'll never hesitate, even in COVID times. Brushing straight past you. Play ZM's Fletch Vaughan and Hayley.

Play ZM. Slow travel is the way to travel in 2023. So we're being told by travel experts. Okay. Because now that we can travel again, we should be focusing less on ticking off all the classic tourist sites to post on social media and embracing the present and the magic in the moment. So slow travel sounds like it would fit you very well.

I love meandering. Because you love a meander. Because that's what I do truly believe. While the places you go and get the photos are cool, it's quite cool just to walk slowly and actually take it in. Take in these different spots. Yeah.

Because you're rushing to get to the barley swing, you know, you're rushing to get to the... Hey, I didn't go to the barley swing. You want that grand pick. You wish you did though, eh? I wish I did. Old Smithy's finding just as much enjoyment on the drive and the weird vehicle

through the rice fields, you know. Seatbelt-less. Yeah. Oh, no seat belts. So slow travel isn't necessarily, is it just, so say for example you went to a country, you just stay put in one place or you just go very slowly so you do less destinations?

You, well, it's just taking your time. It's not rushing here and rushing back and then, you know, just take your time. And take it all and take in the culture, take in the people, take in take your time. But I can't sit still. And take it all and take in the culture, take in the people, take in the moment. Yeah. I can't sit still. I'm happy to be.

You're never sitting still. You're always sort of moving. I'm happy to be in one location for a long time. But I need to have a plan for each day and kind of keep the day moving along a bit. The idea of meandering around a city just makes me feel so bored. Yeah. But see, I could spend a while in one destination if it was a big city and there was lots to do.

Yeah. But I couldn't just go to one, like an island, and be there for a week. I could go to an island just as long as we weren't sort of walking slowly down the beach. What if you were just sat and swim and then drink and then eat and then sit and then sit and then sit? I couldn't do that. But as long as the change between drink, eat, sleep, sit was happening regularly enough.

Right, okay. If we were sitting for too long or swimming for too long. You'd get bored. Or sleeping for too long. I'm so bored. Well, the examples would be like instead of like if you're going to go between two destinations in a country, rather than flying, take the train. Oh, I know.

I saw a book in a bookstore yesterday. I went to a bookstore. I'm quite cultured. You know, I'm back into reading books. Yeah. And it was about- How wild is it that the bookstores lasted longer than music stores? I think bookstores will be forever.

Books are forever. You're right. Yeah. But music stores in the 90s absolutely thought they had bookstores pinned. Yeah, I know. They really did. They were like, look at us with our listing posts. They were even like, we've got books too.

We've got, yes. Books about music. Yeah. Yeah, listen to music while reading about music. Well, this bookstore had a book about slow travel. Really? So this must be a really big thing because they already printed books about it. About the same thing, like if you go to a city,

take the opportunity to like get a bike. Yeah. And don't pack too much and travel simpler and slower. Right. I feel like that's quite good with the, you know, like at the moment it's so, it's still quite stressful at airports. There still aren't enough staff. So if you're like training around the country,

you're going to avoid airports. So that's probably less stressful as well. There's a 10 day rail journey from London to Istanbul Was Istanbul really affected by the No it was on the other side of Turkey Oh fuel okay Those That earthquake

Jesus Horrible Horrible images Horrible I was going to say sending out thoughts Send money Send money There are heaps of places

A lot of people taking donations, yeah. But there's a train, they say, this train journey you're going to see so much and it's slow and you can just relax and sort of take it all in. Oh my god, I'd be knocking on the driver's door being like, dude, keep it up. Keep it up. What's the way?

What's happening? What are we doing? Why do you keep stomping it? Every little town. Yeah, what are we doing? Just move it along, man. I've seen bullet train. I know these things can go quickly. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Floor it, mate. Push that lever forward.

So yeah, but then that's not the idea of slow travel. Take it all in. Take your time. But then the other side of the coin is if you've got a two-week holiday or a three-week holiday and you fly all the way to Europe or all the way to America or Southeast Asia, you don't just want to sit still and see one place for two weeks, do you? Correct. That's the thing.

We're so far away from the rest of the world. When you get to the rest of the world, you want to see as much of it as possible. Exactly. So maybe I could travel slow in Australia or Fiji, it depends. Play. ZM's Fletchvorn and Hayley. From the bustling ZM think tank, this is the Top Six.

Hello there. A bonfire of policies, as described in today's New Zealand Herald. My paper of choice. My paper of choice. Your paper of choice. Chippy. The caricature of Chippy on the front page made him a blonde. He's a strawberry blonde. Yeah.

So apparently the $23 million spent on the TVNZ-RNZ mergers, all might as well have been flushed down the toilet because they're not in the merger. How do they spend that much money? Consultants and lawyers and stuff. I assume so. Ridiculous. Mind-blowing.

So the idea was to merge TVNZ and RNZ. RNZ is the Radio New Zealand. And TV New Zealand. Yes. to merge them but it's not happening anymore TVNZ business as usual Radio New Zealand

cost $48 million to run last year I think $48.2 million was the government funding allocated to RNZ in 2022 goodness me

now I do find it's important that we do have a public broadcaster I don't want to sound like a cynical old commercial radio guy over here because I do believe that it's important that we do have a public broadcaster. I don't want to sound like a cynical old commercial radio guy over here because I do believe that it provides an important service. But it can provide an important service,

such as airing Hayley-Jane Sproul's One Woman Plays. You've had a few plays on there before, haven't you? I've had two of my solo works on there. Interesting you haven't tried to do a play here with us. I think you've got your homework. Okay. I'm going to write a play here with us. I think you've got your homework. Okay. I'm going to write a play for ZM. Okay.

Oh, God. Why did I say that? It'll need to be. It was a cold winter morning. Oh, it was the accent work. Sorry? It's accent work. I'm workshopping.

Because you know I can write me a page. I've got a few accents. You do? Well, no, because yours always sound Pakistani. We can have the candle merchant. The candle merchant. The candle merchant. The candle merchant. And then we can...

The Irish butcher, for some reason, has a Pakistani accent. Yeah, I know. Where in Ireland was he born? Anyway. Dublin. That's what I'm hearing. Well, what I'm saying is there's a very important role to be played by the public broadcaster, but it's about time they stood on their own two feet financially.

So I've got the top six ways Radio New Zealand can make some of their own money. Okay. Number six on the list, the no-repeat workday. Okay. If you hear a song from a New Zealand artist playing panpipes over the sound of hay being mailed in rural Canterbury repeated, you win. $1,000.

You call. Let's calm down with $1,000 because we're trying to make money, not spend money. We have to get a sponsor on board. Yeah, right. Yeah. I was thinking BCITO. Yep. You know, one of your classic tradie sponsorships.

Yeah, okay. And you win some money, but not $1,000. Let's peg that right back. Okay. But yeah, it can't be sort of like an ordinary pop or rock song. Well, they don't play many songs. No. It has to be some weird interpretation.

Maybe a banjo being played on the inter-islander outside on the deck. If you hear that song twice in a day, you call and you win. Number five on the list of the top six ways Radio New Zealand can make some cash money. A beat the bomb type competition. Oh, yeah. I like those. This is a classic. You do, yeah. This is where, you know,

it's counting up and you've got to say stop before it goes off. You can skin those things any way you like. Okay, how would you skin it for Radio New Zealand?

Well, it would just be a beat the bomb sponsored by the armed services. Oh, yep, okay. And if you win, you get an actual bomb. Fantastic.

Whoa, cool. Yeah. But it's all about the recruitment drive. I think I'd ask for a grenade. Would you? What would you ask for? A water. You can have anything.

Oh, no, actually, I'd get a rocket launcher. One of those ones that you drop down the pipe. Worldwide. And it launches itself. And it launches, yeah. Come on. I'm going cannon. I want a cannon.

Old school cannon. Old school cannon. Very old school. Yeah. Shivers, that's expensive. I don't know if we've a Canon. Old school Canon. Old school Canon. Very old school. Yeah. Shivers, that's expensive. I don't know if we've got the room in the budget. Too bad. Number four on the list of the top six ways Radio New Zealand can make some cash money

are the birthday wheel. Oh, okay. Brought to you by birth, deaths and marriages. And they know immediately if you're lying. The government department. The government department. Right. They've got the computer open and ready to go.

Wow. Do they need to advertise? Because you just kind of use them when you die or... Or born or get married. Yeah. Maybe advertise that it might be time to get a new birth certificate. Okay. Maybe that's the win.

The prize is a new birth certificate. Okay. With all the same details, but just a nice fresh print. Yeah. Lovely. Number three on the list of the top six ways Radio New Zealand can make some cash money are the Rock 2000. Okay.

But it's a geological countdown of New Zealand's best rocks. Oh, God, I love a rock. Because, you know, the pancake rocks are going to be up there. Yeah, put those on. Oh, Punta Kike,

number one. Yeah. Noel, who's the big round boulders? Just out of Dunedin. Modaki. The Modaki boulders. Oh, yeah, the boulders.

Yeah, that's up there. Granite? I like a bit of granite. That's going to be down in the low. That The Moraki boulders. Oh, yeah, the boulders. Yeah, that's up there. Granite. I like a bit of granite. That's going to be down in the low. That's going to be like $2,000. Great. Oh, no, granite's shist. Top ten.

I hate shist. Why do you hate shist? Are you telling me granite's like the feelers of rocks? Yeah, it's a little on the nose. Yeah. You know? Okay, granite. No, shist, I don't like it when they put it in houses.

You know, it's like stacked. Oh, yeah, no, I hate that. That aesthetic. I like some of it. Like central Otago schist is lovely. It's got its place. Yeah, it only belongs in the snow. But only if it's dark grey.

Dark grey. I don't like the light stuff. What about hinuera stone? Don't know what that is. Beautiful. Don't come around here with your fancy stones. I'm just having a look. It's milled, mined, whatever you'd call it.

Oh, yeah. Quarry just around the corner from Hobbiton. No, that's basic. That's basic. I know where a stone's not volcanic. It's an old river. It's an old sandstone sort of situation. Hinuita Stone is a unique natural volcanic stone.

Who knew? Quarry from the hills of Hinuita. Yeah. Beautiful. Apology accepted. I mean, we've just... If you think about a retirement village house, that's Hinuita stone.

You know, that kind of whitey, caramelly... Yeah, it looks porous. You'd need to give it a water blast and a seal. Get some Wet'n'Forget on there. You would. Wet'n'Forget could sponsor the Rock 2000. Yeah, good idea. About cleaning the stone of rock in your life.

Great idea. Number two on the list of the top six ways Radio New Zealand can make some cash money, the secret bird sound. It's like the secret sound, but it's just those hourly bird calls they use. And you've got to work out what bird it is through a series of clues. Like, it's not the Tui. You've missed out. Yeah.

$15,000. Is that you, Jim? It's me. It's Stephanie here. G'day, Stephanie. From Paraparaumu. Oh, we love a bit of pram. I would love to guess the secret bird sound.

All right, give us your guess, Stephanie. Is it a warbler? Is it a warbler? Oh, I'm sorry, Stephanie. You know, you're wrong. You haven't won it. Maybe next time. Thanks, Jim.

And now we throw to another play from Hayley Sproul. Coming up, don't forget the birthday wheel by Birth Test of Barriages. And number one on the list of the top six ways Radio New Zealand can make some cash money. Now I'm going to give them this one for free because I believe this is my finest commercial idea. Okay. That I've ever had. And you know what? It wasn't picked up.

You don't want to save it for us? No, I've tried. I've tried for years. I've tried. Yeah. This is a Father's Day promotion called Dad's Favorite Hole. Oh, my God. He has genuinely tried.

A couple of years ago. Clients don't want to be involved. A couple of years ago, Dunkin' Donuts. I believe that's how it's pronounced. Dunkin' Donuts. Dunkin' Donuts. Dunkin' Donuts came to us and said we wanted to do a Father's Day promo around our donut holes. Because they sell the middle of them.

They sell the middle that gets punched out. Yeah, yeah. And I said, dad's favorite hole. Now you ring up and tell us your dad's favorite hole. Golf hole. Swimming hole. Fishing hole. His watering hole.

Maybe he's... Astronomy dad. Yeah, yeah. His black hole. He's into black, a spatial black hole. Yeah. So I said dad's favorite hole. Maybe he's... Astronomy dance. Yeah, yeah. Black hole. He's into black, a spatial black hole. Yeah. So I said dad's favourite hole. And the people here

who deal with this sort of thing, our promo people that take this to agencies, said I can't present that. I said, Aileen, I will slap you. He did. And I raised an open palm.

You need to hold him back. And then she tried. And then she took it palm. We had to hold him out. We said, whoa, whoa, whoa. And then she took it to the client, and they politely declined. Dunking. Dunking Donuts said no to Dad's favorite hole. They said it could go. They couldn't control that it might get filthy. And I said, I've got no idea what you mean.

What about golf or astronomy? Maybe dad likes sinkholes. There's another Father's Day coming up. Maybe it'll sell this year. Dad's favourite hole. Dad's favourite hole. Yeah. With Dunkin' Donuts.

Yeah. Yeah. Because don't you dare take the G away from Dunkin'. Who did that? You son of a bitch. They deserve it. Am I about to go to war with Dunking Donut? Yes.

You've made a powerful enemy, Dunking Donuts. But right here in New Zealand, you can feel free to help yourself to Dad's favourite hole with Dunking Donuts this Father's Day. Okay. That's today's top six. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley. This, oh, I can't even imagine doing this.

There was a couple, let's go back a year. Okay. A year ago they go, we are going to go on a trip, a romantic holiday to Bali together. Okay. Incredibly romantic place. Right. All sorts of lovely vistas and things to do and it's warm

and accommodation's always great. They always put a little swan on your bed. Oh, they do. That's when you know it's warm, and accommodation's always great. They always put a little swan on your bed. Oh, they do. That's when you know it's romantic. Southeast Asia love a hotel animal made out of a towel. Oh, yeah, they sure do. What's your favourite? I'm swan.

Classic swan. Oh, the monkey. The hanging monkey. Yeah, that's cute. The monkey, and they hang the monkey on, like, the door handle of the bathroom. What are you, Google? Towel monkey.

I'm swan, elephant. Ele do you Google? Towel monkey. Swan, elephant. Elephant seems to be the most popular. Elephant is very much a Thailand classic. Some hotels are doing a rabbit. Probably for the year of the rabbit. Yeah, the rabbit's good. Oh, there's actually tutorials on YouTube how to do a towel animal.

Wow. What a fun way to spend the afternoon. I'm just trying to look on their social media to find out whether they got a swan or a rabbit. Unsure at this stage. We'll keep you updated. Anyway, so this couple booked this trip prepaid, prepaid for everything, all paid up, ready to go. Now, let me do the math. Five months later, after booking this trip, they break up.

And when they break up, it is bad. Like they're enemies. They hate each other. It's messy. It's not a nice, cordial breakup. How at that stage, how long have they been going out? Do you know in that article how long they've been going out? A few years.

Oh, wow. Okay. It was quite major. Right. So you would book a holiday to Bali if you'd been with someone two years? Hell yeah. And you would have like... Already experienced them on holiday? Yeah, totally. And you would have a holiday to Bali if you'd been with someone two years? Hell yeah. And you would have like... Already experienced them on holiday?

Yeah, totally. And you would have both paid for it, you know, both put in for it, maybe shared the cost of the trip. So they break up five months after paying for this trip. And then they have to address the fact that this trip was non-refundable. Oh, yeah. So seven months later, they're off on the plane. Well, they go through with it. so they cannot come to an agreement on it they admit they're both too stubborn

to renege and to either you know get bought out by one I want to go on holiday well I'm going on holiday well off we go then and she shared the journey on TikTok which is like the first ones her on the flight saying, when you booked

a non-refundable Bali trip a year in advance but broke up seven months ago and she looks already sick of it and she pans the camera to him and he looks like a bit of a player. Wait, so they're sitting together? Yeah, they've booked their tickets

and everything. Oh, God. They have to spend the whole thing. They have to share the bed in the accommodation because they didn't book a twin room. You could probably get it changed to a twin room. You could probably get it changed to a twin,

but that would be the only thing that you could change. No, but in Bali, you book villas. It's not a hotel. Oh, of course. You've got the house. The house is the house. If the house has one room, you're in the bed. But it might have one of those beds that's two beds

pushed together with a mattress protector. Then only one of you gets the sheets. No, no with a mattress protector. Oh, I'm not on that. Then only one of you gets the sheets. Yeah. No, no, no. But what I'm saying is before you get there, be like, split them up. Split them up, please. Yeah, we'll sleep in singles.

Well, no. These guys didn't bother. They've been bickering and fighting the whole time. He hasn't been doing any of the things that he would usually do, right? So how did everybody find out about this? She shared it on TikTok. I mean, you've got to make the most of a bad situation. You've got to make the most out of a bad situation.

Absolutely. God, imagine if you were travelling with your ex and you hate it and you're on this holiday and you're trying to make it work and then you've got food poisoning. And you know you're going to get food poisoning and you're like sharing a loo and you're weak and you're vulnerable

and you need someone to help you and your ex is the only option. I would stand over you and call you weak. Yeah, or you're on holiday and you meet someone like out and then what do you do? Yeah, I don't know. Oh my God, there is, she is in hospital. Oh no, there is one.

She's in hospital. She must've had a bloody bike accident. What kind of idiot has a scooter accident in Bali? I was literally just massaging my scar. Because it's a little tight in the summer. Anyway, what a nightmare. Why don't airlines do name changes on tickets? Because it would be easy, right?

It would be so easy. They don't have to provide the country they're landing in. I don't know. I mean, maybe there would be a cut of it. Why don't they? Is it because people would buy all the cheap tickets and then sell them last minute? Yeah, I guess you could buy them all up and then

it would end up being like Taylor Swift concert tickets. Are you telling me airlines don't want competition and price gouging? Apparently not. They want to do their own price gouging. Is there a go want to do their own price gouging. Is there a beer go-go for the sky? No. Okay.

Yeah. Play it. ZM's Fletch Vaughan and Hayley. You want to talk about something else, but I'm stressing out, so I want to talk about this because right now it's... You're hijacking this segment. Yep. I'm hijacking. I can postpone my talky bit for another break.

This is rogue. This is why. Because apparently this is very can postpone my talky bit. Okay. For another break. Yes, but that's why. Because this is apparently, this is very important that we do it exactly now. Exactly now. Because it's just turned 7.22. Yes. So we're one minute away from the most stressful time of the day. 7.23 a.m. See, this is why I used to wake up at about 9 or 10.

You would sleep through the most stressful time of the day. Absolutely. When you were just a TV presenter slash comedian, you would sleep in late. Life was good. Wouldn't you stay up till 2am? Hell yeah. Smoke and dack? On the dack, man.

I don't dack. I don't dabble in dack. So they asked a whole bunch of people what the most stressful thing that they do day to day. The most stressful elements of their day. One, there's 50 of them. So I'm going to do all 50 to stress you out. To really exemplify the fact that this is the most stressful time of the day.

Is one of the times 5.58 when the final chase is on? Oh my God. Come on. When there's only one on the team or two on the team for the final chase. I know. It's not on me. They're not going to beat them. Feel for them.

Stuck in traffic. Spilling something on your food. Spilling food down yourself. Spilling something on yourself. I hate it when you spill. Food, drink, makeup, toothpaste. Yeah. Dropping and smashing something like a glass or a bowl.

It's just turned 723. Well, I don't want to stress anybody out. I'm dizzy. Waking up late. Maybe you did wake up late. Me's just turned 723. Well, I don't want to stress anybody out. I'm dizzy. Waking up late. Maybe you did wake up late. Me, today. You did. Spilling something on the carpet, burning food,

a pan of boiling water bubbling over onto the stovetop. My mum used to, take off that pan, Ian! Can you take the lid off that pot of potatoes? It just... It was always on something starchy too, like rice or potatoes, so then it would all like...

Yeah, congeal. Congeal. Tripping over in public, stressful. Struggling to find a parking space, being late for work, forgetting your reusable shopping bags when you go to the supermarket. I hate that.

Being shat on by a bird, it comes in at number 12. Oh, yeah. I'll go down to 50. Hair dryer or straightener's breaking. Wait, did you not start at 50? No, I started at one. Oh, for God's sake. Oh, yeah. I'll go down to 50. Hair dryer or straightener's breaking. Wait, did you not start at 50? No, I started at one. Oh, for God's sake.

Oh, my God. Even I know that you don't do that. Are you stressed out? Are you stressed out? I'm stressed out. Are you stressed out now? It's a very stressful time of the day. Deciding what to have for dinner.

Very stressful. Oh, yeah. Car engine not starting. Stressful. You're just describing life. Yeah, I was like, do you think that people that actually live stressful lives Are listening to this list being like

Really? Choking in public For the embarrassment of it It's embarrassing to choke as an adult I'd choose something So why is right now the most stressful time of the day? Because they took that Or the 50 most stressful things

And then said what time of the day they happen Or can happen And found out the time of the day they happen or can happen and found out the time where most of them are likely to happen, 7.23. You have a pot boil over. Or 7.24, guys, so we can all just calm down now. Not likely to have a pot boil over. You might choke.

But you're far more likely to be stuck in traffic, spill something down yourself, drop something, wake up late. Like the top ones carried a bit more weight. They might be boiling an egg. something down yourself, drop something, wake up late, like the top ones carried a bit more weight. People that have those annoying little humans, kids, running around in the morning, they'd be stressful. They'd be stressful. Late to pick up or drop off my child from an activity

such as school or party or an activity. Yeah, that'll do it. For all the times I'm late in my life ever, I've never been late to pick up the kids from school. Because I know it would stress them out So you imagine me It stresses us out when you're not here at work early Why does it stress you out?

Because you're just useless So you can be early for your kids Well no I'm never early Early is ridiculous Sade will go to school pick up sometimes 20 minutes early I'm like why? We're not going to let them out early are we? Sheade will go to school, pick up sometimes 20 minutes early. I'm like, why? We're not going to let them out early, are we? She's just trying to get away from you.

She just wants a bit of five minutes on her own, for God's sake. Just five minutes of peace and quiet in the car with some nice air conditioning. She's going past the bloody tavern for a pint before she... I wouldn't blame her. Well, she wants to get in the Guinness 500 Club, and I told her you're not going to get in it with a loser's attitude. You've got to start popping in for a drink every day. Play ZM's Fletch Vaughan and Hayley.

Play ZM. Well, a group of Aussie students have hit the headlines because they've come up with a way of renting your room in your flat when you go away for up to three months. No! What do you mean, no? Oh, no! What do you mean, no?. What do you mean no?

Am I in this flat? I don't want a stranger in their room. That's not part of the agreement. Well, yeah, that's. I'm not having some. They're not allowed to Airbnb the room. No. This is so common.

It's so common. Everyone does this because. I would not stand for it. Most of my friends are like actors, right? And then if you do a play somewhere else, you leave your flat and you have to go to Christchurch. You go to Auckland, you go to Wellington or whatever. And then someone uses it, maybe someone else in that city. And then another actor comes and uses yours because they're working in your hometown.

Get some better friends. I mean, you would. I'm trying so hard. And then normally people you know or people can vouch for them. So you trust them in your flat. Yeah, or within your industry or within your sort of community. You're not for it. Well, maybe if they were someone that everybody knew,

but I'm not having a stranger in there. Yeah, so the new one is called Nistique, but there is also one called Easy Rent. So there's a couple in Sydney, Melbourne, and I haven't been able to find anything similar in New Zealand. So it's an alternative to Airbnb because there aren't the cleaning fees and it's just for short term. Maybe more long term than an Airbnb.

So you might have like someone that's going away for Christmas for like three weeks or you finish uni and you don't need your flat for like December, January. So you put it on and then you can come back to your flat and you don't need to go through all the rigmarole of finding another. And all your stuff's there. Yeah, all your stuff's still there.

I mean you may have to get a lockable cupboard. I love a sublet. No, no sublet. We love a sublet. We don't love a sublet. We don't love a three-week-over-summer sublet. We do not. We don't.

What sort of transient hobo needs three weeks of accommodation? Not one that's living in my house. They come in with a knapsack and a stick with a red and white polka dot. Oh, my God, that's not the kind of people that are... I'm staying in my spare room. Ah! I will admit, it would be weird, though, if you had your flat and then you just have a random there that you don't know.

I don't like it. And your friends are subletting. And they're using all your stuff. They don't know the flat dynamics. Yeah, and are they going to clean up after themselves? Are they going to be noisy up late? Are they, like... noisy up late? Are they like... I've subletted. When I

lived in Wellington, I was doing a play up in Auckland and so I subletted a flat for two months up here and it was one, I knew one person in the house but the rest of their flatmates I didn't know. And were they all cool about it? Yeah, they were fine. Because I guess like the other idea, the other thing is

that flatmate has to move out and then you have to interview people, you have to find someone, and they don't want that. It'd be easy to put up with you for two months. Thank you. To go through all that rigmarole. Put up with me for two months would be easier. But then also sometimes you're not allowed to, right?

No, you're not. Some people have been in trouble for renting a flat and then having a room on Airbnb. Yeah, you can't do that. No, I don't think you're allowed to. Because it's not your house. But then can you do this? Probably not.

Unless your landlord's okay with it? We let some friends sublet our house. Oh, these people definitely aren't telling their landlords. Yeah. We went and lived with Aaron's family for a bit and subletted our flat and let our friends live there. Yeah.

And we just never told our landlord. Yeah, right. Suck it, Ann Duncan, Mount Albert. Suck it. Our friends lived there for six months. Suck it. We didn't even tell you. Come for me now.

I'm sure she got her money. I'm sure she's fine. Yeah, Ann got her money. Leave Ann Duncan, Mount Albert, out of this. Play. ZM's Fletch Vaughan and Hayley. Zach Bryan's Something in the Orange on ZM. Fletch Seed. Something in the Orange.

Probably a seed. Seed. Could be a bit of pith. Could be a moth. It could be a guava moth. Yeah. Oh, my God. Do not do that again.

It tickled you, didn't it? It did, because I like a lot of citrus and oranges. I know you like your citrus-based humor. That's why I chucked you that one. Yeah, it was real good. Oh, my God. By the way, speaking of citrus, I trimmed my lime tree yesterday. Okay.

And I had to take a few branches off, so prematurely I've had to take some limes off. Shall I bring them in? Tart! Well, that's lime. No, I'm calling you a tart. Oh, sorry, sorry, sorry. For trimming you. Why did you trim the citrus? It was too much and it's a little bit

unwell and so some of them were like hanging on the ground, so I trimmed it a little bit. Did you Google it? No, I'm going to put a post on the New Zealand plant group about like, what's happening to my lime tree? But I'm just asking if you guys want some limes. You want to spray it with a bit of neem? Spray it with a bit of neem oil.

This is a boring conversation for later. It's a boring conversation for later. Well, if our listeners want some limes, they can also message it. No, no, no, don't do that. Don't do that. Have you seen how much limes cost? No, I'll just upload my address and they can also message him. No, no, no, don't do that. Don't do that. They'll pester you. Have you seen how much limes cost? No, I'll just upload my address and they can come over. There'll be a lime around the block.

Oh, my God. Stop it. Well, the impossible phone-in topic. We want to see if this has ever happened to anyone here listening right now. So, there was a man who... A man, Doreen? Can you cut him off? Thank you.

There was a man in New York... Let me be back on the show. Orange, you glad I came to work today? Oh, my God. Yeah. Orange, you glad I came to work today? Oh, my God. Boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom. Do you need, do you want a couple of minutes of attention? Yes.

Yeah. You're very funny. Thank you. You're very entertaining. Thank you. You're a lovely man. Thank you. Now, shush.

I will. Okay. There was a man in New York who had planned a massive holiday. He dreamed of Australia. Okay. Because I guess if you live in America, Australia just seems like such a foreign land, which it is. He booked a flight to the wrong destination by accident. Now he dreamed of Australia. He said, I'm going to go to Sydney.

Okay. Like Sydney, the'm going to go to Sydney. Okay. Like Sydney, the Opera House, the bridge. Yeah. I've got a view at, you know, Sky Tower. Cannot wait to go to Sydney. Here I go. Booked a flight to Sydney. Very, very excited.

Okay. Got on the plane. Off I go to Sydney. Woo, woo, woo. Here's my passport. Woo, woo, woo, woo, woo. I'm going to Sydney. He sounds like he's going to have a grapefruit time. Da, da, woo, woo, woo. I'm going to Sydney. He sounds like he's going to have a grapefruit time. Da-da-da-da-da.

Carry on. Thank you. Anyway, so he thought, off I go to Sydney, ready, you know, maybe even had a hat with some corks on it. He was so excited. He was so excited. So when he... I always judge someone's level of excitement of their trip to Australia.

Do they pre-cork their hat? That's right. Yeah, they do. So he was like, oh, I've got the flights. I've got to get all these, jump on all these different things. Then he did wake up in Sydney.

Yeah. However, he woke up in Sydney with an I. Can you hear how I'm pronouncing it slightly different? Sydney. Sydney. He woke up in Sydney, Montana. Oh. Oh, no, that's not.

Which is not Sydney. How did he not know he was on an international flight? Australia. Yeah, Montana. Oh. Oh, no, that's not. Which is not Sydney. How did he not know he was on an international flight? Australia. Yeah, like. No, look, the man's in his 60s. That's not that old. I feel like he might be a bit dim. If you'd said he was in his 60s and it was in the 1970s, you'd be like, oh, yeah.

But, like, 60s now, that's not old. You shouldn't know. And you should know. I mean, you're booking the flight and it's, like, two hours. Yeah. But this. Wait. You're also talking about Americans that think they can drive to Australia or New Zealand, you know?

Or they drive over the Harbour Bridge from New Zealand to Australia. This has happened before. There was a woman in the Netherlands who went to Sydney, Nova Scotia, when she thought she was going to Sydney, Australia. Right. Sydney's tripping everyone up. So anyway, he comes out in Montana, no kangaroos. No kangaroos.

Utterly disappointed. Yeah, yeah. And he was like, oh, well, I'm here now. I'll just have my holiday. Why would you tell anyone? I know. Just give us yourself. Don't tell people this has happened.

Because now the whole world's talking about you. Yeah, exactly. Let me guess. He went on TikTok. Yeah. Wait, did he? No, no, no. His granddaughter went on TikTok. Listen. Wait, did he? No, no, no. His granddaughter went on TikTok.

Listen to this. America, right? Despite Montana being in the same country as where he's flying from, New York, both destinations take around 20 hours to reach by plane. No, they don't. Yeah. Because he'd have to fly from New York to somewhere else, then somewhere else to Sydney. Yeah. Because he'd have to fly from New York to somewhere else, then somewhere else to Sydney.

Yeah. That means he got on multiple different flights thinking he was going to get to Sydney. He might have been on multiple flights, but it wouldn't take 20 hours. It takes 20 hours. Oh, my God. How dumb can you be?

He said that he was so thrilled, particularly about how cheap it was, to fly to Australia. Yeah. It cost $1,000, whereas it would have cost him around $3,500. Oh my god. Idiot. Well, this is the impossible phoner. We want to know if this has ever happened to you. Have you

ever landed, arrived, woken up in the wrong destination? Well, you know what's happened to me is I've punched in something on maps. Yeah. Same. But so you go, let's just say something.

Recently, we were going to Riversdale for that stag do at the weekend. And I put in Rivers. And then it came up. And as I hit it, it put up Rivers Street and somewhere else. And as I hit it, I was like, oh, that doesn't. And then it said, oh, you're 14 hours away or something. I was like, that's not right. So I redid it, but like if it was close,

you wouldn't have even thought about it. And how many like school roads are there? Yeah. Where you put in school road and it would chuck you, the Waikato one versus the Hawks Bay one. Even in Auckland, there might be a street called Quarry Street in one suburb and then one an hour away. I've got

my street is also a street in on the shore. Yeah so I'm like I'm going to go to Fletcher's and then I'll put it in and I start driving

for a while and be like why am I going over the bridge? Yeah. Because I'm going to the wrong place. Because you're going

to the wrong place. So we want to know if this has ever happened to you maybe a large scale you've got on the wrong plane Yeah. or you've made a mistake

with your booking or you've just ended up on the wrong side of town. When did you did you ever end up in the wrong destination? Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley. So a guy tried to book a flight to Sydney, Australia and ended up in Sydney, Montana.

Idiot. You get what you pay for. Dumbo, dumbo, dumbo. And we wanted to know if you've ever done something similar. Okay. All right, let's go to Bradley. Bradley, what happened? So, one of my mates from school,

well, we were at boarding school in Cambridge. Yep. And one of our mates... Were you St. Peter's? Yeah, yeah, that's right. Yeah, St. Peter's. Did your parents not love you?

No, they didn't. You don't even need to ask that question. Wow, that feels a bit raw for Bradley. That was my mate, and he had to get a bus ride down to school. It was just a public transport bus. Yeah. Ooyah!

Ooyah! Did you all, like, say, Ooyah! Ooyah! Public bus. We're private school students. We don't take public buses. Yeah, no, they were nice and stingy.

Okay. So he fell asleep and woke up in New Plymouth and had to stay the night with the bus driver and get a ride back to New Plymouth. Stay the night with the bus driver was the only option. I don't know about that. I don't know. I mean, nice from the bus driver,

but it's a little problematic, isn't it? Yeah, I don't think that's right. Makes me think the bus driver was the only option. I don't know about that. I don't know. I mean, nice doing the bus driver, but it's a little problematic. Yeah. It makes me think the bus driver was giving out, like, drinks. Crunchy drinks. Crunchy drinks. Jesus. Bradley, thanks for your call. Hazel, who woke up in the wrong area, the wrong destination?

It was me and my friends. I was travelling. We were in France and we were taking the train to our next destination and we got on the wrong one and went four hours in the wrong direction

across the country. Oh my god. Worst trip to Paris ever. So you ended up somewhere four hours away from where you started? Yep, and then had to go four hours back. Oh, my God.

Oh, no. We live and we learn. We live and we learn. Beautiful countryside, though. Beautiful countryside. As you were going along, were you not checking the stops on your map or on the map of the train? Oh, yeah, no, we figured it out, but there were no more stops. Oh, direct. Direct. Direct line. Oh, no, no, we figured it out, but there were no more stops. Oh, direct.

Direct. Direct line. Oh, no. Wow. I would have just, yeah, maybe asked. Could you have asked? Just jumped out the window. I would have done what they do in that crunchy bar ad and pulled the emergency stop.

Thanks, you're cool. Sue, when did you end up on the wrong destination? Yeah, we were in LA thinking we were really cool because we could drive, you know, wrong side of the road in a rental car. Yeah. And heading to Huntington Beach, very excited about it. Okay. So the address is 500 PCH Pacific Highway. Yep, cool.

Get on the motorway, highway, driving for hours and hours and arrive at your destination to find a highway immensely tall, concrete barriers and no beach. Wait, where did you end up? Apparently it was 500 PCH west and we went 80 miles east of it.

Oh no. So west, I believe, don't quote me, is opposite to east. It's in the opposite direction. So what, you were like

inland California or probably close to Arizona by this stage. 80 miles in the direction. Yeah, wow. Amazing. Sue, thank you for the messages.

Is Sue an idiot? I didn't say that. It can happen to the best of us. Yeah. Hold on. Yep, the computer said she's an idiot. Oh, Sue, you idiot. I put it in.

No, don't do that. Sorry, I can't argue with that. I've got an AI bot on here. Is she a silly idiot? She's a silly idiot. She's a silly idiot. Thanks for your call, Sue. Appreciate it.

Somebody said I almost sent a 40-foot container full of stuff to the wrong Perth. There's a Perth in Scotland. There is. I've been there. There's an autofill. Filling in the details online. Right. And like filled it all in

and just double checked it. Oh wow. Perth, Scotland. You'd think it would cost a lot more to send to Perth, Scotland than Perth, Australia, right? Yeah. I was on my OE with my ex

and he booked us some time in Glasgow. And when we got there I was like, I thought we were going to Galway. And he said, no, the insurance song that's your favourite

is the Glasgow Girl. I said, no, it's Galway Girl. So we didn't go to Galway. And he said, no, the insurance song that's your favorite is the Glasgow Girl. I said, no, it's Galway Girl. So we didn't go to Galway. We went to Glasgow. Glasgow Girl. She likes to stab people. It's the Glasgow Girl. Got no teeth left in each fried masbar.

Glasgow Girl. Play ZM's Fletch Vaughn and Hayley. We're like a room to the fastest I can. Play ZM's Fletch Vodden Haley. ZM brings you Pink Summer Carnival World Tour. Well, Pink's Summer Carnival World Tour is coming. Forsyth Bar Stadium, Dunedin, March 5 next year. Not this March. Not a month away. It's next March, 2024.

Eden Park on March the 8th. That'll be a Friday. Tickets are on sale the 17th of February. So a week tomorrow. You can go to ZM Online for all the details. I'm assuming there'll be some pre-sales as well. And she's incredible live. Like, I think every time she's come down

under New Zealand Australia, she's done like a hundred shows. Remember when she pretty much lived in Australia for six months doing a show every night? She is incredible live. And do you remember her show? I've seen her at the iHeartRadio Festival a few years ago. I saw her at the Queen's Wolf Events Centre Wellington in 2002. Wow.

I was 12. It was the first concert I was allowed to go to unaccompanied. Wow. Oh, my gosh. Did you get into trouble? No, we didn't. Just look at the set list from there, from 2002 concert. I think there's going to be some updates.

Just Like a Pill was there, Family Portrait. Let's get the party started. Oh, my God, she sang some updates. Just Like a Pearl was there. Family Portrait. Let's Get the Party Started. Oh my God, she sung What's Up for non-blondes. That's a big, that's a big... Get the Party Started was number one. Misunderstood. She's got so many hits. Oh my God, I love her.

And what a performer. Yeah. She's such an incredible all-round entertainer. Well, her last shows had all the wires and acrobatics. Tissues and aerial work. So cool. All right, all those details. ZM online to see Pink at her Summer Carnival World Tour

next March in New Zealand in 2024. Play ZM's Fletchford and Ailey. Play ZM. Well, we just announced Pink's new tour dates. Next March, the 5th in Dunedin at Foresight Bath Stadium and March 8, Eden Park 2024. It's a Friday. Those details are at ZM Online.

And Samantha, first through, and we've got the double pass to the Auckland show. Congratulations. Tickets on sale Friday week. All those details again. Send them online. Watch. You talk to Samantha, you turn up, she's like blah, blah, blah.

Then you're just like down. You turned you up, Samantha. We didn't really get the feel. Well, you sounded happy. Are you not happy? Well, she sounded happy. Are you happy? No, I'm very, very happy.

I'm very excited. I want to dance to some more questions about pink. What's your favourite pink jam? Oh, my God. Good for you. Honestly, all of them. No, no, no, no, no. What's your favourite Pink jam? Oh my God. Honestly, all of them. No, no, no, no, that's bullshit.

That's a bullshit answer. She started listing them. Number one Pink song, go. Razor Glass. Okay.

Party anthem. I thought you were one of these fake fans for a minute there. No, no. All of them. I love her. I'm glad this has gone to her. Genuinely love her. I'm glad this has gone to her.

Genuinely love her. I'm glad this has gone to the right person. It has. I'm really happy we've awarded you the tickets. Who are you going to take, Samantha? Either my husband or my sister. Haven't decided. Sister. Well, you've got a whole year until the concert. You're in a bit. You might not even be married then. Yeah, and

we'll play them off against each other. He could really stuff it up. Yeah. He's got $365. We've only just got married as well. Oh, and play them off against each other. He could really stuff it up between now and then. He's got $365. We only just got married as well. Oh, I'm so sorry to hear about your impending divorce.

But most divorces happen within the first two years of marriage. Do they? Yeah. So make it through those first two years. In case we never

talk again, Samantha, I'm so sorry it didn't work out. But what a great chance for you and your sister to bond. Yeah. Exactly.

She loves her too as well, actually. What's her favourite pink song then? Don't bullshit me. Probably Just Like a Pill. Are you sure? Wait, so you're raising a glass and she's taking pills. I'm worried about this. I can see why he's leaving you.

I can see why he's leaving. This family's problematic. Substance abuse. Thank you. Thank you very much, Samantha. Wait there and we'll get your details, get those tickets out to you. Yeah. See, what I did there with Samantha was I got to know her.

Had a little bit of light banter and this is the new chapter of my life. Vaughan Smith. We almost missed that opportunity. We did. And that is what an opportunity misses, an opportunity lost. Oh my. Vaughan Smith. Can I get a t-shirt with that on it?

You absolutely can. How much? Here we go. $82. I'll pay it. So apparently sometime in 2023, Vaughan Smith Life Coach has been born. Vaughan Smith Life Coach. Yeah.

Here's why. And you know what? People love, when I say this, I say this often, and people do, they're always just like, that is a really good point. When people are complaining about their friends, I said, I say to people, why don't you say, we're too old to waste our time with people that we don't realize. That's what your teens and 20s are for, finding your people. And then you find your people.

And then in your 40s, if they're not your people, don't worry about it. Cut them loose. Cut them loose. Don't waste your time. If you've got a friendship that's a one-way street or just somebody that just every time you hang out with them, they annoy you, don't hang out with them. I'm going to go home. See you guys. See you later.

And that's fine. But is this why you've got three friends? Exactly. Quality over quantity. 100% agree. Quality over. When I hear people complaining, oh, every time I catch up with them, it's blah, blah, blah.

I'm like, well, don't catch up with them. Yeah. And then I delivered this sermon and then they're like, I tried it. And I'm great. And I'm like, you're welcome. Wow. I'm a friend collector. Yeah.

Too many. Too many. I like a small group of close friends. But people always like that. And that was, Shade's like, you've got to stop telling people to cut people out of their lives. I'm like, why? So that was my first foot. It was the toe in the pool of being a life coach.

Okay. That's a big dip. That's a foot dip. It's a foot dip. Yeah. And the pool was cold, but I'm acclimatizing to it. Okay. Nice.

Yeah. You won't get in the pool unless you put your toe in. That's another T-shirt. Is that the name of your first book? It's the name of your first book, I reckon. Yeah, yeah. All water's cold until you get in before you put in the kidneys put in the tight because it's the kidneys it's the kidneys

get a toe in before the genitals okay how to swim by vaughn smith how to get into a cold pool of society by one smith my favorite cold yeah here's my second tip and this is what i've done i did yesterday i got so much done on my drive home yesterday. Here's how. Post-it notes. I write things I have to do on it, and I pull them, and I stick them in my car, and I can't ignore them. Pull so-and-so.

Get quote for this. Buy that. And it all got done. It all got done on the drive home. So you sent us a video yesterday of your dashboard in the little white girl Suzuki Jimny. buy that. And it all got done. It all got done on the drive home. So you sent us a video yesterday of your dashboard in the little white girl Suzuki Jimny. Yeah. And it was just covered in these little mini post-it notes.

And I'd already torn so much off, but then that was another thing I did when I pulled one down. If I thought of another one, it just went straight on. Vaughn, you shouldn't be driving and writing with a pen. You're right. There's nothing to say about that. You could write them pre-driving. Oh, pre-driving.

Yeah, before you leave work. Or when you stop. Yeah. Or when you stop to do one of the tasks. Yeah, this is not new though. You know that's the same as writing a list or having a notes on your phone. Yeah, but notes on your phone, easy to ignore.

Put it in your pocket, can't see it. Post-it notes, yellow post-it notes stuck where your stereo in your car is or on the dashboard, hard to ignore. Just in front of the speedo? Yeah, in front of the speedo, over the check engine light. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Just right in front of the eyeline.

Yeah, maybe cover it in post-it notes. Start putting it on the windscreen. Over the wharf. Get about the wharf. You know what you should put on your wharf? Get wharf. Yeah. Because sometimes when you're looking at from behind and the hole's punched out,

it's very confusing as to what six month of the year you have to get it done. I get this because every now and then, like I run my life off my phone, my to-do list, my notes app and my calendar app. It's too easy to ignore. But every now and then I just, yeah, it's like it's too much to sort of get in the brain.

So you do write, jot down a little note. Aaron writes a manual shopping list. And we say, have you got one on your phone? He says, no, no, no, this is how I like to do it. No, no, I like that too. Go around, it's cross, cross, cross. Yeah. Question mark if you can't find it.

Wow. I have a feeling Post-it might have an issue with you saying this is your invention. You know, because that's sort of what a Post-it note is. Well, my invention is the use of post-it notes in the vehicle. Of course, I'd be nothing without the post-it notes. Thanks, 3M. Thanks for the person from 3M that was trying to make a glue,

but it never quite stuck. So they were like, oh, it sticks, but it's removed. Although I don't like the new thing where it's concertina'd. Yes. Like, go back to the norm. Stick it on top. So one end sticks to one end, and then the next post-it note sticks to the other end.

Constantinid. Oh, I don't like that. I don't like that because I write something, and then it's upside down. I haven't come across that. Yeah, I don't know if they were trialing it, or I accidentally bought the Constantinid. It was a fail.

It was a fail. Go back. I was thinking we could solve some problems to really kickstart my life coaching before I start my online subscription service. Right. I'm just excited that you're organized for once. Me too, actually. I got my wife.

She was pretty hot and heavy by the time I got home. Yeah, I bet. I got so much done. Yeah. And you walked in only covered in Post-it notes as well. Yeah. Because that is true. When I finished my thing, I stick the post-it notes to myself.

Yeah. Slowly cover my genitals and then I walk into the house hoping not for a stiff breeze. Because the sticky bit's not that sticky. Not that sticky. It'll blow away. After this long of marriage, you've got to kind of find ways to spice it up with to-do lists.

It's really inspiring, isn't it? I believe you owe an apology to our friends at 3M. Why do I? Many text messages have come in. Huge post-it response. One of the strongest responses of the show so far. Everybody loves the post-it note. The concertina post-it notes that both you and Hayley Jane Sproul lambasted on the show. I was certainly,

I certainly lambasted them. It's just stupid because you, I write a list and I pull it off and it's the other sticking on the, at the bottom.

It was lambastation of the concertina post-it notes. Is that even the right word? Lambastation. Concertina. That somebody said that, well, many people have said that for a...

Yes. Lambast. The definition of lambast is to criticise harshly. Please never question me. I apologise. Thank God I was right. I apologise for lambasting. I love that word.

And I felt like I was fairly confident in its usage, but I wasn't 100%. Probably because it's got meat in it. You love that. Lamb. Oh, and basting. Yeah, you love basting. Those are two of my favourite things.

The concertina post-it notes go in a specific holder in a dispenser. Oh, so you're saying I picked up the wrong ones. But now I've got like three blocks of them. How does it dispense? Why are you buying a three-pack of post-it notes? Because I go through post-it notes. What do you post it? I just write little things on. Both of you? Yeah. Well, I've just

started. Right. One's only just recently become organised. Oh. And to be honest, it won't last. Yeah. But for the moment, it's good fun. So there's a specific concertina post-it note dispenser. Okay. Well, maybe I've got to get a dispenser because I've got so many.

You've got three of them. You've got all the other bits. Valentine's Day. What day is it? It's on Monday, Tuesday next week. I'm having a Valentine's appointment at my dentist. Really? Romance.

Is that why you booked on Valentine's Day? No, just it was available. Are you getting that hygienist with the sandblast? No, hygienist is Monday. Tuesday I'm going back for the long tooth problem that we talked about yesterday. Oh, that's what you're shaving. Two dental appointments in one day. No, I know, but I couldn't get them on the same day.

It's busy out there. Anyway, Valentine's Day, 14th of February. And you may be thinking it might be a nice date to go on a first date with someone. And there is a massive dating website that has done a survey asking people, what are the worst places that you've been taken on for a first date? Now, you said this is quite a controversial list. Hugely controversial. In fact, number two, I could lose my job.

Wow. I could lose my job. Wow. I could lose my job. But I'm going to say it because I need the people to know. Number ten on the list of worst date locations. Going to the park. What's wrong with the park? Nothing's wrong with the park. It's a big open space. You could get a blanket, get some

buns from Pack and Save, a roast chuck and a coleslaw and you make your roast chuck. And a pot of coleslaw. And a coleslaw and you make your little buns. Now this is a survey from the people, for the people. Out of America though maybe? Is it out of America? The UK. The UK.

You can't go to the park because you sit on a syringe. Or a duck. A royal duck. I just don't understand. Wait till you hear the rest of this list that the UK said. Number nine, attending a funeral. Sure. Terrible. Terrible. Ter the rest of the list that the UK said. Number nine, attending a funeral. Sure. Terrible.

Terrible. Terrible. Terrible idea. Terrible. Although catering. Oh, my God. A little club salmon. Yeah.

And asparagus rolls. Yeah. Asparagus rolls, cup of tea. Number eight, watching a football match. It's too loud. You can't connect. Oh, no, that's not a date. Yeah.

Unless you knew that they were absolutely throttling the football as well. Yeah. Throttling for it but then they'd be watching the hot players and you're not gonna that's okay okay

number seven going for a swim oh yeah you don't want someone on a first date to see you like partially nude right and your toggies

yeah and your togs yeah togs are undies yeah you know so yeah going for a swim number six and number five are bizarre

number six going to a pub number five going to a restaurant are bizarre. Number six, going to a pub. Number five, going to a restaurant. That's where most people would go on a first date. Now, where are we going? The pub sounds like a great place for a first date. Yeah. It's where you go for a first date.

To a bar. Yeah. To a restaurant. Okay, so we're not drinking, we're not eating, we're not swimming. Number four, going to a parent's house. Yep. Oh, no, you're not on a first date. You don't want to do that. Number three, just staying at home. Now, that's a parent's house. Yep. Oh, no. That's a lot. Not on a first date. You don't want to do that.

Number three, just staying at home. Now, that's less of a date. So you'd what? You'd invite them around. You'd just stay there. Netflix and then. Netflix and. Dot, dot, dot.

Wait, so this is. Dot, dot, dot. We're getting towards the worstest place. Yeah. So the home is. These are the top ten worst. Worstest than a funeral. Yeah.

Wait till you hear this. This is British people. Wait till you hear this. funeral. Yeah. British people. Just you wait. Number two. And I'm sorry, it's McDonald's. Show sponsor? No!

I'm sorry. Show sponsor? If somebody was like, do you want to go to Macca's? I'd be like, absolutely. Say, we had a Macca's date on Friday. We did.

And I got reamed for my Filet-O-Fish. Filet-O-Fish. Filet-O-Fish. I absolutely torn apart by this. Shade ate the Filet-O-Fish Filet-O-Fish I absolutely torn apart by this Shardae ate the Filet-O-Fish on the way home in the car Because she knew if she ate it at home when she got home She would have got a sermon on the Filet-O-Fish

Again, again How it's a secondary burger It's not, it is a primary burger It's not a primary burger, it's a secondary burger If somebody said, do you want to go to Macca's for a date? It would be absolutely Same Because you get a cordy P

And you go to playground afterwards Playground Yeah Go to ball pad Yeah Have a little bit of fun Who knows what's going to happen Again

You shouldn't be in there if you're over 12 Too old to be in there We've told you so many times In fact The managers have told you Yeah Wow I haven't taken the ball off my list

Why disagree with that one? Especially being the show's sponsor Number one on the stupid list of 10 worst places to go on a first date, according to stupid British people, the movies. The movies is a great place on a first date. Basically, pub, restaurant, movies, non-olds. Because it's not just movies.

You might go for a drink beforehand or get something to eat, so it's always teamed up with something. I get the argument, though, like same with a sports game, a movie, you can't, like, meet them. You can't, like, get to know them. Maybe for Pash. You can hold hands. In the movies. Yeah.

Yeah, I remember being 14, having a good Pash in the movies. What movie? Can you even remember? No, I can't remember what movie. No idea. Did you get Pash rash? Nah, I don't think he had any stuff like that. A pash in one movie.

Stick Men, a New Zealand-made movie about a Robbie McIntyre. A Robbie McIntyre. What a man to pash to. Nah, it wasn't. It was just a little bit. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley. Talk over the outro. Come on, let's keep this radio show tight.

This is just blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. It's not like the old days. No one's recording their favourite songs off the radio. We can talk over the outro now. People like you used to ruin my mixtapes. Yes. Good. It's time for...

Fact of the day, day, day, day, day. That's for the person that asks if it's pre-recorded. It is not pre-recorded. It's not. Unless... It's live pre-recorded. It's not. It's live every time. Yeah. That's why we've been mixing it up recently.

Yeah. We did do that one by AI. It was the white lotus version. On the end. Okay, so today's fact of the day. What are you looking at out the window? Is there a hottie? Is there a hottie? No.

Was it not tending for the hottie bow? No. Bowler and egg. Bowler and egg. Bowler and egg. That's mean. I was looking at the weather. For shame.

I didn't mean it. You're untroubled worn. Your standards have dropped since you got the clip-clop shoes. J1, I don't even know who you are. I don't know who this man is. Over to you, Vaughn. Today's fact of the day. I've read this.

I explained it to my wife, and she's like, Oh, that got me today. We were just saying. Off here, we were just saying that here we were just saying That I was worried That I was getting old and uncool And then here we are Being freaking bored

I think we need to boost I like Carry on Anyway so you were I was explaining this to Sade My life partner My soul my soulmate, my love, my one and only. Your wife.

And she didn't get it. Okay. She said, how many of those have you had? I was enjoying a whiskey at the time. Yep. How many of those have you had? I said, just the one. Trying to cut back.

So it is that. You know how if you use the word anymore, it's always negative. I don't do that anymore. I don't want anymore. I don't want anymore of that. It's always like a don't or a won't. I won't do that anymore. I don't do that anymore. There is a positive anymore. Many more. No, it's anymore. I want to have many more of those cakes.

It's Northern American English. You can use it as a positive. How? And sort of like mid-America, you would use it. For example, I don't eat meat anymore. Yeah. I used to eat meat, but now I don't. I eat meat anymore.

I didn't eat meat before, but I don't. I eat meat anymore. I didn't eat meat before, but I do now. No. So it's I eat meat anymore. No, I know. I eat meat anymore. It is an officially recognised use of anymore as a positive because when you take away the don't or the won't or the negative in it, in the sentence.

What does anymore mean? What is the... From now on. Anymore. From now. I won't do it from now. So from... I won't do it anymore.

From now on, I don't do that. From now on. But if you take away the negative, it's a positive. From here on out, I shall. Anymore. The servant being instructed... This is the use of in Northern Ireland, cited 1898. Citation required. Citation

given. A servant will be instructed how to act and I will answer I will do it anymore. Meaning I will do it from now on. I'll do it anymore. I don't like it though. I would say furthermore. Yeah. I'll keep doing it. Furthermore. No, that's not right. I feel like I've got more to say. Yeah.

Furthermore. Everything we do seems to everything we do anymore seems to have been done in a big hurry. Okay. So that means that it's from here on out. Yeah. Anymore we watch videos rather than go to the movies. That was the use in 1991. I reckon you'll try to use this and people will correct you.

Because your brain's not wired to use it as in an affirmative context. It's just negative. But it is officially recognised and you can do it and you wouldn't be wrong. So today's fact of the day is that you can use any more in a positive manner. Fact of the day, day, day, day, day. So Ed Sheeran This was yesterday right? Yeah Ed Sheeran has been in New Zealand obviously

He's been in Wellington for a long time Hanging out there We went to his concert. It was on-cree-able. Incredible. Incredible in French. So the Eden Park show's tomorrow and Saturday. Tomorrow and Saturday.

Still some tickets available, I think, for Saturday. You have to go. It's so good. I'm not getting paid to say that. I literally had the best night. It was so incredible. Anyway, so he's up in Auckland, obviously getting ready. They're packing in that incredible stage.

Yeah. And I think Eden Park is no longer underwater. No. So you'll be all right. Got a good drainage system there. Good drainage system. Now, Ed Sheeran, so there were these kids, right, who were just at school knowing that he's in town or whatever.

And every Friday the school gets together and they sing. Yeah. And then the principal was like, hey, we can't do it on Friday afternoons. We'll do it on Wednesday afternoon. And they get together and they sing as a school. We used to do singing. I loved singing. Did you use to do singing?

Yeah. Our small primary school and they had a big paper sheet and you'd read the thing and they'd flick it over. They got OHP. Oh, poor. Did you not have an OHP? We had an OHP. We had various people come in and play the piano.

Mrs. Marker came in and played the piano. Yeah. Mrs. Kaylee came in and played the piano. I used to play the piano sometimes for my school. Chip. Well done. Did you guys sing Fish and Chips? Fish and chips makes me want to lick my lips.

Fish didn't break them For breakfast, lunch and tea He went to a school that was shit Why didn't you sing that? I don't know It's a QB classic I can't remember Oh my god Anyway so these kids were at school

And then the principal's like We're gonna sing And guess who's gonna help us It's Ed Sheeran Wow He didn't say the F-ing No Ed Sheeran Isn't that amazing didn't say the F-ing. No. Ed Sheeran.

Isn't that amazing? That's really cool. That's really cool. At Marariwa Intermediate. Good fellow. Just was like, hi. He's wearing sneakers, shorts, a cap and a T-shirt. He's got his guitar out and he played three songs.

The kids had no idea. The staff had no idea. Only the principal and the school leadership knew. Wow, that's cool. He turned up and sung three songs. The kids had no idea. The staff had no idea. Only the principal and the school leadership knew. Wow, that's cool. He turned up and sung three songs. Everyone went crazy. I think they actually, like, kept it a bit of a surprise from media, too. Yeah, because, you know, us were scumbags.

We would have been outside. Give us a mid-share. Media bloody leeches. I think it was just his idea. He was like, I'm not doing anything today. Yeah. You guys are setting up the stage. What a good dude.

I'm just going to go and surprise some kids. He's a good man. Anyway, we were all laughing about, like, these kids got Ed Sheeran at their school. Like, one of the biggest superstars in the world. The biggest superstar in the world. Like, it is insane. And we were all thinking about, like,

who came and visited, surprise visited our school. Well, you get the local policeman who brings the police car, or maybe the firemen come by. How good was it if they bought a police dog? But then it turned out they were just there to sniff for drugs. Well, that was high school anyway. Sniff all the bags for drugs. That was Moran's Hill High, of course.

Those were the deer days. Deer to keep antlers. Deer to try these drugs. Yeah. I know. They definitely took those guys. Was that not what I said? Deer.

Truth or deer? Deer to try these drugs. Truth. Tell me, but I definitely took it as an idea. Truth or dare? Dare to try these drugs? Truth? Tell me the truth. Have you taken drugs? No. Have, we want to know from you

this morning, what celebrity came to your school? Who came to your school? And was it like a big celebrity? Because sometimes bands will do this.

They'll do a little, like a radio station will run a competition and have a performance. Yeah. And the Pussycat Dolls might have gone to your high school

in 2005. Loosen up my buns, babe. The Pussycat Dolls might have gone to your high school in 2005. Loosen up my butt. He's back. The Pussycat Dolls should not have gone to a school. Oh my God. Mr. Jenkins is in the back like, what have I done?

But maybe it was a big celebrity at the time for New Zealand. Yeah. Who came to your school? Primary, intermediate, high school. So yesterday, Ed Sheeran made a surprise visit with three songs. I'm so shocked. To Manurewa Intermediate.

I know. And the kids didn't know. And then there's this epic superstar turned up. So we wanted to know which celebrity visited your school. There are some funny texts coming through. Also, some big celebs. Rebecca, who did you get at your school? Justin Bieber.

What? How long ago was that? This was 2010. Right. That was the year that the hat got stolen, eh? I'm not too sure, to be honest. He came to New Zealand and his hat got stolen by a fan at an airport and he was upset about it and then we got the hat.

We managed to track down the hat. Did you? Yeah, we got it. Did you give it back to him? Gave him back the hat. Gave him back the hat, yeah. So why did he come to your school? A couple of girls won a competition or something

and, well, another school won the competition but our school was more secure so we got him. Dodgy school. They didn't want to send secure, so we got him. Dodgy school. They don't want to send him to a dodgy school. Dodgy school. Yeah. Was it a private school, Becca? Yeah, did you go to a private school?

It was, yeah. My God, they literally took it from the arms of a public school and gave it to a private school. Unbelievable. What school was it? Strathallan. Oh, my God, Strathallan. Strathallan. They already get too much. What school my God, Strathallan. Strathallan. And what school did he get too much?

What school was he going to get at? Brotel. Who? Brotel. Brotel. And like, Patakura-ish. Brotel. Rose Hill.

I thought you said Brotel. I was like, shit, I'm not sending my kid to Brotel. We're going to go to Brotel. Amazing, Rebecca. Thank you. Yeah, it used to be a hotel, but we just wanted to feel more brotherly. Welcome to Bro-tel High. All right, what celebs came to your school?

Ed Sheeran went to Manarewa Intermediate yesterday and performed for them, which is huge. Yeah, biggest superstar in the world. I know, and so we want to know from you, what celebrity visited your school? Emma. Will we beat Ed Sheeran? I don't know.

We've had Justin Bieber. Emma, who went to your school, your primary school? Emma. Will we beat Ed Sheeran? I don't know. We've had Justin Bieber. Emma, who went to your school, your primary school? So not like a huge celeb, but when I was in primary school when I was eight or thereabouts, we had Ginny Shipley come and visit us. Oh, I don't know.

Our first non-elected female prime minister. Yeah, yeah. So for an eight-year-old, like knowing that the Prime Minister of New Zealand is like coming to visit, it's like very much like, oh my goodness. Big deal. Did she make a lifelong national voter out of you?

No, not really. She looked great in a power suit though, didn't she? She looked good in blue. A blue power suit. Looked good in blue. Do you know, I remember we might be around about the same age because when I was about eight years old, I did an amazing impersonation of Jenny Shipley

and I used to call her Jenny Slippery and I'd go on the slip and slide and I'd say, Mum, who am I? And she'd say, who are you? And I'd say, I'm Jenny Slippery. Now that's where my acting career really launched. And would you do the voice as your slip slip? Yeah, yeah.

I'd be like, I'm Jenny. Jenny Slippery. I'm Jenny Slippery. Wow. Okay, Emma, thank you for your call. Some more messages. And what celeb went to your school? Darth Vader. What?

Somebody said Darth Vader came to our school. Now that doesn't sound like a licensed LucasArts, Disney, Darth Vader, but Darth Vader went to their school. That would have been terrifying. I do remember seeing Darth Vader at Cobb & Co. as a small child. It scared the shit out of me. I don't think it was.

What's the guy who does the voice? James Earl Jones. It wasn't him. I don't think it was him. We had Lorde come and judge our intermediate talent show a few years ago. That's Lorde with an E, not Jesus our saviour. Amen.

Jesus is with me every day. Yeah, well he judges my every talent. He judges everything I do. When I went to Matamata College, Mark Todd. Gold medal of winning equestrian. Oh, okay. Mark Todd. Okay, that would have been big for the horse.

Big. Oh, they love a horse in Matamata. They love a horse. I went to Jean Batten Primary In the early 70s Jean Batten Came and visited Well I mean So she should

How old would she have been In the 70s Yeah Jean would have been Kicking on by then In the year 2000 We had Christina Aguilera Come to Rangi

Now I don't know If that's Rangi Ora Or Rangi Ruru Or Rangi Toto. Or Rangi Toto. One of the Rangis.

Wow. Did you see this one? There's so many messages coming in from celebs. I love this. King Charles visited our college. As he drove up the school driveway, the Year 13s had done their last year prank, which was burning a massive penis into the side of the field, which King Charles drove past. But he would have just been Prince at the time. He was Prince at the time of the field, which King Charles drove past.

But he would have just been prince at the time. He was prince at the time. Yeah, Prince Charles, yeah. But there was a big C&B. And also not the worst story involving the royals and a penis. No. I think Andrew's got that one on lock. See ya, see ya later. Actually, I'm going to have to stop you there.

That's copyrighted. Susie Cato is a very good friend of mine. She's already sued me twice, so if you could maybe get her to drop her litigious action, that would be great. Tell her I'll review her five stars if she does the same for this podcast. And then she tells all her friends.

And if you're listening, maybe give it five stars as well. ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley.