ZM's Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley - Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley Podcast - 9th March 2023

Episode Date: March 8, 2023

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Hello, welcome to the Bleach, Vaughan and Hayley podcast. It's thanks to McCafe. Start your day with a great tasting McCafe coffee made just the way you like it. Hello, it's Vaughan Smith here. Wonderful home cutlery purchaser. You may remember I saw online somebody who works in civil engineering turned up to work and there was a morning tea and the spoons were little shovels in space. And I messaged them and I spoons were little shovels in space. And I messaged them and I said, I simply must have them. Where are they from? And they sent me the link.

So I purchased some and they arrived. And was it Sheehan? Sheehan. Sheehan. Sheehan. Which is just the worst. Just absolute trash. Why do we not like that? Is it all just trash?

Is it AliExpress? Yeah. Because a friend that I went to Harry Styles this week had some really nice sunglasses. And I said, oh, a controversial wearing sunglasses to a concert that starts, you know, you go and it's sunny. Yeah. And then you look like a wanker.

Nine o'clock. And then it's nine o'clock and you've got these expensive sunglasses and then if you don't have a handbag, where do you put them? He said, they're from Sheen. They're $6. Just get rid. He doesn't care. No, because that's bad for the environment to have that sort of

willy-nilly attitude to a classic. Shein, full stop, is bad for the environment. Well, he was keeping them. He wasn't chucking them out. But you wouldn't be upset if you lost them or, you know, they fell off and. Not super upset. I'm a little worried.

I just went on Shein to have a look. Did you get four? Or did you get a bigger? You got eight. I got four of each. They're $4. Did you get four? Or did you get a bigger? You got eight? I got four of each. They're $4. They're $1 each. What are they made of?

Like metal. You can get gold ones. Oh, can you? Yeah, but that'd rub off. It's Shein, remember? I'm going to tell you now it's not gold. There's little pitchforks that you can get. Yeah, there are.

For like decorative forks. I didn't see those when I was there. Oh my God. Anyway, they turned up. I forgot to open it until late at night and and the girls were delaying going to bed, and they were there when I opened it, and they were just like, those are so cool. I said, let's not tell mom, and I put them in the dishwasher because you always give these things in the dishwasher.

Yeah, especially when they're from a factory. Of course you do. And then the next day in the afternoon, I said to Sade, well, yesterday afternoon, I said, do you want a coffee? And she said, yes. And so that was going to be my grand unveiling. But she had emptied the dishwasher and they were mia and i said listen here woman what have you done with my spoons that look like

shovels and spades and she said i've hidden them did she where did you hide them and she hid them in another drawer under some stuff so anyway i found them and i was making a coffee with them great spoons for getting into like a coffee oh tipping it out this is when i'm not drinking coffee at the mccafee at mccafee show sponsor absolutely yeah absolutely thank you show sponsor but at home i don't live near near one yes when um i forgot what i was gonna ask oh you've done that thing that mom does okay well dig it in the spade in the jar it's easy to put it in it's great for stirring i've remembered um what did you use the spade or the shovel for the coffee? I used the spade. That's a square one. No, no, no.

Oh, no, shovel. I used the shovel with the pitch tip. The round one, yeah, yeah, yeah. More of a pitch tip, so that and it stirred really well. And then I got the other one out and gave it a stir with that just to try out both. What makes a stir really good? What differentiates a bad stir from a good stir? Good bit of like resistance

when you, like the surface area that resists so you really feel like you're getting a stir. If you've got a flimsy, skinny spoon, it just kind of skips through the water. Goodness, I would really love to eat a cake, a little petite cake. I can't wait to eat a cake. Like a lamington or some kind of high tea. Is the handle awkward? No.

It's got holes in it. It's got a hole in the end, but you kind of just hold it like an ordinary spoon anyway. Right. We did go halves in a biscuit, these huge biscuits. We went half in a biscuit and I used the shovel. You know, if you were like digging, you'd... Oh, yeah, yeah. So I went bang, bang, bang, bang with the shovel and broke it in half.

Right. Very practical. Anyway, she thought she was Little Miss Know-It-All and put a video up online saying, Vaughn thinks that these are good and they're ugly and blah, blah. She was inundated She said she had immediate regret Because the minute she posted it She went

Pop pop pop pop pop Five people Where they from The longer it's up She said every time I log on More people are asking I was like well tell them But she refused

She put up a video Where she went outside And had a wine And told everybody She was disgusted in them And they had very poor taste But the request just kept flowing in. Are they cheap up close?

They're not winning any design awards for cutlery stability, but they're pretty cute. They're a good little talkie piece. Okay. I think they're going to rust and tarnish. They'll tarnish. They'll definitely tarnish. Like that's, what is it, nickel?

I don't know what it is. It'll definitely be some kind of eroding nickel. Yeah. That's going into the coating of the silver. That's going into your coffee, into your mouth. But that's good because you need a little nickel. You do need a little nickel every now and then. Do you? Yeah. You don't want too much nickel because it forms

a deposit at the base of the spine. That's what a disease is known as, nickelback. Yes. And once you've got it very hard to get rid of. Avril Lavigne had it for some time. Oh, really hard. She did. It was a real bad outbreak in the early 2000s. That's because she married him though. She did marry him too. She married a nickel back. The deposits built up on her

back. Yeah, that's right. And Lyme disease and she was a real shambles. And now she's with Tiger, which is who my wife. She's obviously seen as OnlyFans. Oh, Avril Lavigne. Avril Lavigne is, yeah. Yeah, that was a weird bit of news this week, wasn't it? Wasn't it?

Avril Lavigne's with Tiger, who used to be with Kylie Jenner, whose brother is Brodie Jenner, who used to date Avril, and it's a circle. Yeah. Of life. This is a fortune. Anyway, the spades are available on that horrible website that's no good for the environment.

She-in. She-in. She-in. She-han. Sheehan. Sheehan. Sheehan. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley. Thank you, Sam. Good morning. Welcome to the show,

Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley. It's two minutes past six. Good morning. I just Googled because I heard Sam mention that, you know, a lot of people have done the census. 2.0 million so far.

That's not enough. That's not enough at all. No, it's not enough. It's an offence. $2,000, eh? To not do it. $500. Also, it's an offence to fill out the census twice.

Yeah. Who's doing that? You're playing with the stats. Well, lots of us got double codes. Well, that's on them, isn't it? That is on them. After 2018 stats, New Zealand took 60 court cases against

the worst offenders. Do the census. Worst offenders. But can you go to point? How are you amongst the worst offenders? Either you offend or you don't, right? You don't do it. What's the more extreme version of not doing it? I saw some nutjob online

saying they weren't doing it because it misrepresented New Zealand. Why? And then somebody else pointed out very clearly, by not doing it, you are further misrepresenting New Zealand. Yeah. Yeah. I think it was a, they were having a wah-wah about the genders you could choose. Oh, right. Okay. Wait, right. Okay.

Wait, were they saying that there were too many or not enough? Too many. Well, there was three. Too many genders. They only gave three. I know, yeah, which apparently was, I don't know, two too many? I don't think they wanted women to be an option. Women or other, you're gone.

No, no, no, no, no, no. So, yeah, the individuals can face a maximum fine of $5,000 for impersonating a stats employee. Okay. So don't go around pretending to be a stats employee and it's now, yeah, it's gone up from $500 to $2,000 for not doing your census. You simply gotta.

Just do it, just do it. Yeah. It was actually very enjoyable. Sorry, a little burp. Very enjoyable and very quick. Yeah. Easy. Just like when I make love.

It's how you like it. Very enjoyable, very quick. Yep. If it's that enjoyable, though, what does it matter how long it takes? Yeah, well, that's true. Enjoyable for the other party as well or just you? I dare not speak for any other party. Please don't.

Yeah. Okay. As long as you're having fun. I am. And I am. The top six is coming up. One of your favourite shows. This is bullshit.

Bluey. People can't handle a happy family and so they've got to tear them down and people are saying Bluey and Bingo and Bandit and Chili.

That's mum. Her name starts with C. I feel sorry. She's left out. Everybody else is going to be named. But they're only happy because they're so privileged and Chili. That's mum. Her name starts with C. I feel sorry she's left out. Everybody else is going to be no. But they're only happy because they're so privileged and rich.

Aren't they a family of cartoon dogs? They're cartoon dogs. Wow. They do live in a nice house. Even Bluey's been cancelled. They live in Queensland, Australia,

and they live in a house called a Queenslander. Right. You know it's got the wraparound deck. Oh, my God, I love those. Yeah, those are beautiful. You're only up to season one.

When do they get flooded? Yeah, I don't know. I think drought's about to hit. Oh, okay, right. Drought and bushfires are about to hit. Okay. And then we move on to flooding in season two, I think. Right.

Ah, but I've got the top six ways that everybody wants to drag Bluey down. The top six ways to make Bluey more realistic. Too happy. God forbid someone should be happy in 2023. How do you become a baby name expert? You know when I'm like scrolling through my reels, there are some, you can hire people to put together baby name lists for you.

Like that's a job now. So you can go to someone and say, I want something that feels old, but that's a little bit quirky and maybe references a book. Well, they're just going to do what you should do, and that's Google baby lists. Do some thinking. They're like, I put together a list.

Pachachium. Caramamalo. Paper cut. Paper cut. Papercut? These are my favourite names of 2023. Well, there is a website called Nameberry that has a large staff and they create these lists that you can access online. They predict popular names.

Right. Did you Google names when you were naming your kids? I don't think so. Or did you just spitball? I think we just spitballed. Okay. Well, August was going to be August regardless of boy or girl.

I thought you meant her name would be August Regardless Smith. I love that. My middle name is Regardless. Yeah. What a great middle name. I like that. That would be really fun. Yeah. Yeah, I always think it would be a lot of pressure. I understand how people

want to seek help And like have a cool Baby name So you go to these lists Right And this woman Who works for Nameberry Her name's Stephanie

I don't know if I trust You know what her name Is How's it spelled PH or F PH Never thought about that You're working for a baby

Nameberry Yeah And like you apply for a job Do you reckon they're like Ugh A Jared Oh my god, Becky. Jokes, Jared. Jared. I mean Jared.

Jared, not Jared. No, we like Jared. We like Jareds, because rad. Okay, so she... He's actually read. Jared. Jared. Jared. She predicted some names for 2023

and see whether or not she liked them. Names she liked in alphabetical order, she liked Artemis and Ash. Artemis. Artemis. Artemis. Artemis Fowl. Oh, Fowl, yeah. Remember that kid's, that sort of tweeny book?

Yeah, and there was the character on Always Sunny, Artemis, the crazy arty girl. Yeah. Artemis is like a Greek legend as well, eh? A Greek legend, yeah. Ash. Avani, she said was all right. Azale, she didn't like. Sounds like a demon.

Azale. The demon Azale. Two names she liked next. Banner, as in B-A-N-N-E-R, as in like a Facebook banner. Is that Eric Banner? No, he's B-A-N-A. Yeah. Oh, he is.

He is Banner, but B-A-N-A. A banner, like a sign. That's silly. Callahan, she likes. Oh, I like Callahan. Callahan. Yeah. Oh, here it is. Here's Banner, but B-A-N-A. A banner, like a sign. That's silly. Like a family banner. Callahan, she likes. Oh, I like Callahan. Callahan. Callahan.

I like Callahan. Cielo, spout C-I-E-L-O. She's not a fan of. Cielo. Yeah, no. Clover, Cy, and Elio, she liked. How was Cy spelt? C-Y.

Ah. Okay. I know, but your whole life you'd be like, K-E-E. Kai? Kai-Ki? Is there a K-E-E here? It's Psy.

Yeah, it's me. Yeah, it's me. Moving down the list, Torben, Truett, and Vita. I like Vita. These are all really... Those are crackers. Vita-Wheats.

Oh, Vita-Wheats. I'm out. You couldn't do that in New Zealand. I'm out. Now, I will say this is, I think it's American. Waverly's won, and no one in New Zealand can be called Waverly. Because it's short and straight. Because it's shorty.

Because of the chits. It's clear chits. Wednesday is now on the list as a predictive name. Oh, yeah. I always liked the name Wednesday. Yeah. That's a cool name. But, yeah, if you were called Wednesday, it's the Big Adams family now.

It's punishing, though, every Wednesday? Yeah. Yeah, no, I couldn't. You just couldn't. Also on this list, you're really going to laugh. Winston. Oh no, again, Winston. Again, in New Zealand, we can't be using that.

No, not after Winston Peters. Wolf is on there. Oh, that's a great name. That's got a real now vibe. Wolf. Zebedee is on a not like you. Zebedee is on her not, is not like. Zebedee Doodah, Zebedee Day. Zebedee Doodah, Zebedee Day.

And Ziggy's on the list, which has been around for a while now. As in Ziggy Stardust. Those are all some really interesting names. I'm sort of into them. There's a few that she thinks will rise in popularity because of celebrities. So Air, which is Kylie Jenner's son. Air, E-Y-R-E. Ugh.

E-R-E. Like Jane Eyre. Yeah. Jane Eyre. Yeah, is that how she spells it? Yeah, I think so. And Psy is Jennifer Lawrence's son. C-Y.

Yeah. Wolf is the name Cy is Jennifer Lawrence's son. C-Y. Yeah. Wolf is the name of an Australian influencer's son. Gender neutral names like Ash and Miller are on the rise. She also liked Clover and Kit because of their nature undertones, as well as Esri, Elio and Kiki. Elio. Let's have a Kiki. Well, there you go.

If you're pregnant Ozzy's on there Oh my god, Greer's on there Greer as in G-R-E-E-R That's what my mum wanted to call me Greer Rose Sproul And my dad was like No, no, no, no

Let's give her a classic 89 name Hayley What is this Instagram memories thing now? 89 name Hayley. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley. What is this Instagram memories thing now? Well, I understand. Vaughn just showed me a photo of me holding his oldest daughter as a baby. Who's like up to my throat now. I can almost stand behind her and rest my head on her head.

Dude, she texted me the other day and asked me to get her booze. Did she? Yeah. I told her I'd get her booze. She told me. But the problem is she wants a second six pack. I said, said if you want a six pack i'll get you a six pack she took me she was like can you come get me and i was like yeah i walked out so the other day and she was like she was like don't you know what do you want dad please not no no no no no i was

burning incense no i i got this this morning woke, and in the story highlights up the top, the first one was memories, with like an arrow going backwards, clicked on it, and it was amazing. So many old... I hate when they roll this out on stages. Remember when you guys had a nice Instagram and I had a black Instagram? I was mad. I never get these things.

I only just last week got stories that can be up to a minute. And didn't everybody else have that like a year ago? Wow. Oh, cool. Fun. Maybe that was intentional on Instagram stuff. Yeah, because I go on. You go on. I go on. Oh my god, I go on. Well, speaking of social media, guys, there

is a social media influencer in Australia, Sarah Stevenson. I've followed her almost since she first started. Her name Sarah's Day is is her tag. And the reason I followed her is because she's got polycystic ovarian syndrome. And so she started her channel as a way to, she was like a natural health influencer, healing her skin because she had acne from her PCOS. Yeah.

And this was the whole vibe I got on with her. And then through the years, she's grown in popularity. She's got 1.2 million followers. Wow. She's got like this very expensive house. She like wears the design. She's got to design a car. How did she buy this house?

Was it because of her? Money. Damn. Influencing. Because of her influencing. And she also like designs clothes with White Fox Boutique, which is like influencer brand. Okay. Well, she was on a podcast recently And she also like designs clothes with White Fox Boutique, which is like influencer brand.

Well, she was on a podcast recently because she's promoted this like health and fitness lifestyle for all these years. And she was saying like, I got it wrong. She was basically admitting to saying many, many years ago, looking back now, she's a mum now of two. And so I think that changes a lot of how she probably relates to her body. But she was saying, yeah, I was wrong. I really promoted quite an unhealthy lifestyle.

And I think if a lot of health and fitness influencers look back on their earlier content would probably say the same, which is basically. I know I did. My first ever Instagram post was me eating a Copenhagen cone, a big bastard tooth to make us all get drizzled and everything, in the doorway next to Copenhagen cone, a big bastard tooth, to be the second to get drizzled and everything, in the doorway next to Copenhagen cones at the Mount. This is do not eat ice creams in this doorway.

Yes. So that's unhealthy because I was breaking the rules and I was eating approximately 8,000 calories in ice cream. So many people would have followed suit. I know. You would have, you know, you've really put them astray. I don't want to say I started the obesity epidemic, but. You didn't help it.

I certainly didn't. You certainly didn't help it. I certainly didn't. You certainly didn't help it. She was on this podcast talking about where it all started and she was like, yeah, I've got regrets. She said, look back, because when she first started, she was like shreds. Oh, my God. She's a tiny girl naturally, but she was ripped abs.

She's still got abs now, but a couple of babies have popped out of them. That's where they come out of the abs, eh? Yeah, they do. If you had abs and you were having a baby, would you be able to be like, and squeeze them out? Have you seen a pregnant woman with abs? It's wild.

Why? Because the abs are still sitting there. Yeah, because they're on the outside. The baby's behind the abs. So it would be pushing the abs against the... But they're still forward. They're forward sitting. But would it help in the pushing?

I think it would help because you can get that abdominal splitting, right? Where your abs tear apart. Yeah, yeah. And then you lose that. And you lose that ability. You've got to... Some people have to get surgery, right? To like stitch them back together.

Can you find a photo? Well, I just Googled pregnant woman with abs. Yeah. But they're crazy. You've got Googled pregnant woman with abs. Yeah. But they're crazy. You've got the oblique stuff. Yeah, it's more the obliques. Yeah, there we go. It's not like rip, rip, rip on the baby bum.

I know, it's crazy. Abdominal strength training before and during pregnancy has been recommended to enhance normal vaginal birth by enabling increased force needed for active pushing. Because when you push right, you're going, God, look at that woman. Yeah. Look at that.

The baby's just like against a brick wall. Between a rock and a hard place. Yeah, baby. So Sarah's basically said, because she was like, I have amenorrhea, which is when a woman loses her period. Now, this woman's got PCOS, so she would have period issues anyway. But we all know when you lose lots and lots and lots of weight, that can affect that.

Because the body goes into like... Shock. It's just like your body basically says, oh, no, you're in trouble. I'm going to make sure you don't have a baby now because you wouldn't be able to handle it. That's how you lose your period. Anyway, she was saying I was promoting this healthy lifestyle and meanwhile I was so

starving myself and so thin that I lost my period and that wasn't good. So good for her, I would say, because she does have a big influence on young people and I think it's great that now she can see that maybe that wasn't the best message. Good on her. I follow her.

I'll continue to follow her. So what, is she eating like chocolate and stuff now? She's a lot more relaxed. Oh, good. She still promotes like a fitness and health lifestyle, but it's like a lot more like, what's the word? Like flexible. Right.

She's got two kids under three. No, no, no. I think maybe her kids are four. Oh, you should have a couple of secret stashes of bickies too. Speaking of funky names, her kids are Fox and Malachi. Fox and Malachi. That's a real Bondi Beach

influencer kid name, isn't it? It is. Yeah. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley. Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley Silly little poe Silly little poe It is so silly, silly, silly that the silly little pole,

silly little pole, silly little pole. Silly little pole, silly little pole. Silly little pole, how many Pringles make up the perfect mouthful? I just go one by one because then you extend the length of time you can enjoy a Pringle. If I get a stack of Pringles, there is something cool about having a stack of Pringles in your hand and going, and putting your tongue out and then it sticks to your tongue and then you go, help, and flip them into your mouth. Yes, like a lizard.

Yeah. A lizard eating little flies. You're eating chippies. How do they make Pringles? They mulli up a whole lot of potatoes and then it goes into a press. But how do they get the curve?? They mulli up a whole lot of potatoes and then it goes into a... Press. A press. But how do they get the curve? Press.

It's in the press. Yeah, and then when they cook it, it... Curls up. It curls up a bit more. But I'm pretty sure the press does have a curvature to it. It'll be one of those mega factories. I was going to say, is there a mega factories? Oh, God, I love how stuff's made.

Yeah. Hats? Hats? Yeah. Like fedoras and stuff. Chains. Yeah. How it goes bend, bit more, bend.

And then the next bit comes in and it's like bend, bit more, bend. And then, yeah, chains blown on us. Oh, my God. Look at the conveyor belt of all the Pringles. That's barbecue. Oh, my God. Get your fingers out of it. She's getting her bloody fingers in there.

She's putting some on the scale. She's weighing to see if the Pringles are right. Oh, she's going to have a little yum yum? Oh, she had a little nibble. God, you'd be the size of a house. You'd be the size of a house. I'm here for quality control. How many Pringles?

These ones were chipped. There's a YouTube, the Food Network have got how Pringles are made. This network, no. YouTube, the Food Network have got how Pringles are made. Oh. West Network. Yeah. But the poll asking you today, one Pringle, two Pringles or three plus? We have never had a three-way. Well, I've never had a three-way. But I've never had a three-way. What did you say, Fletch?

That's a beginner's notice. I didn't say anything. I think you did. I think you said you'd never say anything. No, Hayley, the look on Hayley's face has got a look. I don't have a look at all. A sinful look. It's a sinful look.

It's not sinful. You're being sinful. It's a regretful look. No regrets. It's the sort of look that St. Peter will put on the scales when your soul is wasted against a feather at the pearly gates. Hayley Sproul. I didn't.

Don't worry, there'll be more of that in Hell. Fun, I know. Hell's going to be so much fun. So much better. Freddie Mercury's

going to be like playing music. Everyone's going to be making love. You can put as many Pringles in your mouth as you want. Tongue in Pringles.

Blah, blah, blah. How many Pringles in your mouth as you want. Tongue in Pringles. Blah, blah, blah. How many Pringles make up the perfect mouthful? One, two, or three plus? One. One. Gets 33%. Oh, my God. Two gets 32%.

Three gets 35%. Oh, my God. How's that? We've never had that. I just, you just love maybe four or four at a time. And you're just like. But then the jar of Pringles is gone. I know.

The idea is you want to go one at a time. But you always get carried away. Buy two tubs. Tubes. Yeah. Okay. Uncle Moneybags. Oh God, must be nice.

But having a special on Pringles, you always grab a few. To be fair, it's never my go-to. I don't buy Pringles. I don't think I've ever bought Pringles. Maybe on a roadie because they're... They fit in the drink holder. They fit in the drink holder and they're easy to, you know, take if you're at the airport. Hotel minibar would probably be the only time these days I eat Pringles.

Alicia said, who the F word said one Pringle? Who is putting one effing Pringle in their mouth at one time? A third of us. A third of us. Brittany says one or two you can fit it perfectly in your mouth.

She's got a tiny mouth. Perfect. Yeah, because I've got room to move. Dude, I we should have a competition who can fit the most Pringles in their mouth like as a stack.

Yeah, I don't know if we want to be that I could I've got a cavernous gob. Imagine if that's why you die. Stuffing Pringles in your gob. As long as it's salt and vinegar, I'm going out happy. No, sour cream and onion.

You'd be on all of those odd news websites. Man dies trying to fit carpet tub. Wacky radio stunt goes wrong. Yes. One or two, you can fit them perfectly in your mouth, says Brittany. Tiny mouth. I'll remind you of her tiny mouth. Oh, Brittany.

Any more than that and you get the wrong ratio of chip to moisture and mouth. Okay, she's thinking of moisture. I appreciate that she's bought another, you know, thing to compare it in there. It's a good angle to the argument, that one. Courtney says, who are these big mouth gannets putting three Pringles in their mouth at once? Yeah. Very small mouth there. She's got a tiny

mouth too. Got some tiny mouth listeners. Stacey, I like to lick the flavour off before each one I chew, so it's one at a time for me. Stacey, that is feral. They have a soggy pringle. The whole point is that they're thin and crisp. Yeah.

You're feral. You'd be burning your tongue too. I love you. Thank you for listening. Yeah, but you're feral. But farewell. You're feral. You're a free to leave.

Laura Lee, I assume Laura Lee said, they're so much smaller and with less flavor. Hi, Laura Lee. You need like four at a time. Yeah, so she's like, she cranks four just for flavor and an amount of chip in the mouth at once. Yeah, good. Ash says, three plus because Pringles are so damn small nowadays

and three feels like one decent thick cup of chip. They are smaller. Have they shrinkflationed us? They've shrinkflationed. Don't even get me started on how small that Pringles tube's got. Oh, fat wrists can't get in there. Oh, fatty wrists, small mouth. Okay, so it says here, I've Googled,

Pringles hit by shrinkflation as the size of the tube is cut by 17.5%. It was already hard enough to get in there. That's from an Irish mirror story. So I'm assuming it's the same here. The Irish tube. They'll be livid because the potatoes, they love them. They do. They do.

Fiddly D. They love a potato. Somebody has a picture of the old Pringle next to the new Pringle. It's weird. It's a lot smaller. Pringles is like one of those weird brands that people would keep a tube. You know people that keep like Coke bottles and stuff. Do you reckon?

Yeah, I think so. Nah, they wouldn't. Keep the Jim Beam bottles. Yeah. Yeah. Not as much as Coke, but like, you know, those weird brands that people become like obsessed with? Yeah. David says, with best of intent.

Oh my God, the chip and the thing, everything's shrunk. Yeah. I've got to tell you that that though Because they used to like Fit one Would be the length Of my tongue pretty much But does that mean When we're talking about

Listeners with tiny mouths They're even tinier Than we imagined They're like Little tiny mouth Little tiny mouth Little tiny mouth Little tiny mouth

Little tiny mouth Little tiny mouth Little tiny mouth Please don't let that Put you off calling the show Oh no please don't If that's your mouth We'll be able to tell That you've got a tiny mouth in you.

Oh, hi, guys. How are you? Hey, guys. Long time listening. First time calling. Oh, ding, ding, ding. Ding, ding, ding. Oh, hello, small mouth.

Just one tip for you. Yeah, guys, I've just got a question. Slow down, topic. You know those big spoons? What are those for? I can't put those in my mouth. I use a teaspoon to have my soup. Even a teaspoon's a bit of a stretch.

It's got such a tiny mouth. I'm going to use a chopstick. Oh, yeah, a chopstick's great. Only one at a time, though. There's no room for two chopsticks in my mouth and food on the chopstick. I stab them. I know it's too small or it's closing. My mouth's closing over.

Look, I'm happy that our listeners with small mouths are listening. Yeah, me too. David says, the best of intentions, I'll say one Pringle at a time. Good morning to our small mouth listeners. Good morning, small mouth listeners everywhere. Yeah. With the best of intentions, one Pringle at a time as it makes the pack last longer. But if I'm being honest, five to ten at a time.

Yes. I like that honesty. Jeremy says seven. Now, that's one of our big mouth listeners. Oh, yeah. He's got a big old mouth. He's got a big old mouth. Yeah, good day. Jeremy says seven. Now that's one of our big mouth listeners. Oh, yeah, he's got a big old mouth. He's got a big old mouth. Yeah, g'day. Justice.

Justice. Wow. Is she from Gloria Vale? Justice. Good morning to our Gloria Vale listeners as well. Good morning to our Justice. We do him. We've got some ex-Gloria Vale listeners.

You were allowed to be called Justice in New Zealand because it's a legal title. Maybe that's just a colloquial name. Maybe. Maybe. One, Pringle, because you let it rest on your tongue like a little hat and suck the flavour out of it as you crush its life from it. Now, I didn't expect such an eloquent answer from someone called Justice.

That's beautiful. Yeah, that got away with words. It was, yeah. And a tiny little mouth. Nah, Justice had a big old mouth. Justice has probably got a perfectly proportioned mouth for his face. Justice calls up, he's like, hey guys. Hello.

Hello. Hello. Clay ZM's Fletch Vaughan and Hayley. Clay ZM. Sending an email to Mount Eden Village Doctors. Requesting some antibiotics. You need to get a doctor This is We moved four and a bit years ago

And Sade still hasn't got him With the local doctor She tried to do it last week And there was like A year long waiting list I'm like Oh yeah it's really hard To get a doctor now

Like a lot of places Aren't taking new patients My mum's the same She lives Maybe an hour twenty from her doctor. Her doctor's in Eastbourne and she lives in Wairarapa. I literally went for the closest. There was a doctor that looked closer on the map,

but I know it's a shorter drive to get to the other way. No, for women we form very strong relationships with our doctors. Well, you famously, your doctor. Mine's in New Plymouth. She left, didn't she? Yeah, I'm going to go and visit her when I'm there later in the year. And get her once over. Let's get a pappy and a little...

Pappy and a slappy and a... Pappy and a slappy and a little... Little mole mappy? Yeah. Pappy, slappy, mole mappy. Pappy, slappy and a mappy. Well, there is a woman that left a UTI untreated. So she, in 2017, on a holiday to Spain,

she got a urinary tract infection. Her name's Kim. Classic. Classic to get one of those in Spain. She was in her 50s. What about Spain does that? Because you're drinking too much and probably not having enough water. Ah, right.

And you're probably having a bit of... Yeah. You know? Dirty, sweaty sex. Yeah, exactly. And not go to the bathroom afterwards. Gotta go afterwards, don't you? Touchwood never had a urinary tract infection.

That's why I got my kidney removed. Because I had them like fortnightly when I was a kid. I'm very well versed in them. You need to get your pool pH looked at. Yeah. The pH. That's what it was. You get the pH of the pool. Get a little dip. Yeah. And then read that,

it'll change colour and then you can adjust your pH. Need a scoop of chlorine in there. Yeah. Could do, could do. Or I wouldn't do a shock treatment. You're talking about pouring a bucket of chlorine in to crack it back into swimmable territory after a long winter and it's gone green and there's some leaves in it. You don't do that. I wouldn't, not to the vagina.

No. It's a self-cleaning machine. We joke, we jest. Of course we do. We joke, we jest. Well, nobody's funneling a bucket of chlorine into them. Well, I don't know, man. Have you seen people?

Sometimes people do dumb stuff. Yeah, this is true. I want someone panicking about their urinary tract infection. Go and see a doctor. know, man. Have you seen people? Sometimes people do dumb stuff. Yeah, this is true. Someone panicking about their urinary tract infection, go and see a doctor. Oh, yeah. Get some anti, is that antibiotics every time? Antibiotics. It's literally like a few days it'll be gone.

So Kim got such a bad UTI, and it doesn't say she ignored it, but it got out of hand and it led to sepsis. Nine weeks in a coma. Oh! And as a result, her hands and feet were amputated because... How does an infection turn to sepsis? Yeah. Wow.

You're like definitely booking that appointment now. I'm sort of laughing about it. Like, it burns when I pee. She is... Oh, my God. I've scrolled further down and seen a photo of what the hands looked like before they amputated them. I'm looking because I need to book an appointment.

This will scare you into booking an appointment. Hayley's just walking over to the laptop. How is that a human hand? It's like when you forget you've got sausages on the barbecue. Really? It looks char-grilled. That's like putting a lasagna in the oven overnight. All night.

Oh, wow. So she's been learning to live like this, this poor, poor woman. But she has been on the list for a hand transplant, which they can do now. And they can get the – God bless modern medicine. Move them. Isn't that incredible? They reconnect the nerves and after like physio.

Yeah, physical therapy. Physical therapy, that's what it's going for. And rehab, you can use them again. That's incredible, isn't it? That's amazing, eh? So she's been on a list, and she said she's come out, and she said she might already have hands if she was willing to accept the hands from a black female donor.

Kim's very white. Right. Black hands. Yep. Or man's hands. She has politely declined both offers and she continues to wait and I would just be like

Yes, hands. Man's hands are better than no hands. Black hands. I wouldn't give a goddamn of the hands You've already got the story of the fact that you lost your hands to sepsis. Yeah, but how picky can you be? Exactly. You are literally waiting for a young person with perfect good hands to die

and for them to be a good match, a blood match. I was just thinking this because we're all donors. We're all donors. Does that mean that like my, because I've got, do you think I've got good hands? You've got dainty hands. You've got nice hands. You've got back hands. That's a unisex hand.

I would take that. No, but it's here. Shave it and you've got unisex hands. You can a unisex hand. I would take that. No, but it's here. Shave it and you've got unisex hands. You can get that laser. It's very bainy though. That's man. This is man's hand. This is very manly.

If I was offered woman's hands, I'd take them because it'd make my... You know, to get around part of your rehab as soon as you learn to play with yourself again. It's got to make it look a little bit bigger. That'll be number one of my priorities. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. You would ask for a really small hand so it made it look bigger.

Yeah. Okay. Not a practically small hand, but a lady's hand. Right. A petite lady's hand. I might have unisex hands. You've got unisex hands. Because I've got quite a large hand.

Yeah, if they weren't painted. You've got urban male hands. Urban male hands. A rural man. Haven't worked a day in their lives. My granddad's hands felt like baseball gloves. A rural man. Haven't worked a day in your life. My grandad's hands felt like baseball gloves, even just before they died. Like you shook their hand

and they were, I was a fully grown man and they engulfed my hand and they were rough. Rough as guts. And just like muscly. Muscly hands. Wow, so she's still, she's waiting for pretty hands. Or hands that match. She's waiting for matching hands.

Also, I love that. She's 61. How long, like, I don't mean to be like. 61. How long do you wait for hands? The body gets less able to adapt. That's just part of aging, right? Why don't you just take the hands?

Take the hands, take any hands. I think having different skin colour would be such a cool point of difference. And I wonder if you could get it. What do you take on the census? Could you get into rap culture and I mean the big question Could you get cornrows? Can she say the n-word?

Can she braid her hair And can she say the n-word now? She can sign language the n-word Holy moly What a debate No I mean we're Jess We joke

But don't. The Invercargill mayor said the N-word. I know, yeah. What? The young guy. No, Invercargill, the 70-year-old white guy said the N-word because they were talking about if they have to cut costs and cut it for the arts,

and he was like saying what he hasn't liked about the arts lately. And he said the actual word because it was in a poem. He said a bunch of words poem he said a bunch of words he said a bunch of words to highlight his point about yeah no no no but we just don't i don't think so but have we checked to see that he's had a hand transplant because he may have he could have black hands he could have black hands see we're jumping the gun we didn't check he could have black feet we don't know we don't know that we don't know he lives down. He could have black feet. We don't know. We don't know this. We don't know.

He lives down south. He could have got very cold. He could have got frostbite. And an amputation. Yeah. We just don't know. Wow. Well, good luck to this lady.

And book a doctor's appointment because this is what happens when you leave a UTI. I've been peeing in a bucket for weeks, guys. This is just, I might get just like a reoccurring prescription. Yeah, just get a repeat. Yeah. Like, poor, poor. Play. ZM's Fletchvorn and Hayley.

From the self-driving ZM think tank, this is the top six. You know, can't we just, can't we just enjoy something? People are taking aim at my favourite little doggy family, Bluey's family. Which actually I don't know if they've got a surname. The Heelers. I think it's Lewis.

Did you see that? Bluey Lewis. Bluey Lewis and the new. Did you see that old guy on the plane watching? Yes. Bluey? Everyone's like, you are that guy. I would totally watch some episodes of Bluey on the plane.

So the Healers, somebody's worked out that they're very rich. The house they live in would be approximately worth $4 million. It's so weird when people do this. Try to translate something fake into something real. Like if this was real life, that would be a $4 point. It's so weird when people do this. Try to translate something fake into something real. Like, if this was real life, that would be a four point something million dollar house. If Barbie was real, she would be 10 feet tall. And they worked out the Simpsons,

like they couldn't afford to live where they live on his wages, on Homer's wages. How did the characters of Friends afford that apartment in New York City? You're like, who cares? It was a cool apartment. Let's suspend belief for a little bit. This is an animated family of dogs.

They don't own a house. They are talking. They are dogs. There are actual issues that you could like... Get behind. Get behind and be angry about. I would rather be angry at an animated family of dogs. Appearing not to work 12 hours a day.

So I've got the top six ways to make Bluey more realistic for people who can't enjoy happiness. Okay. Number six on the list. Bluey's mum, Chili, gets home from working

a long day and getting the groceries on the way home from work and when she pulls into the garage she stays in her car for a cry and a pack of biscuits before getting her shit together

and going in to cook dinner and generally do everything around the household. Yeah, good. What, do you want to see that? Is that what people want to see? It's more realistic. Chilly having a breakdown? It's more realistic.

Number five on the list of the top six ways to make Bluey more realistic for people who can't enjoy happiness. Bandit, dad, comes in stinking of another dog. Chilly sniffs his ass. Sure enough, he's been having an affair with the golden retriever from work. Then we witness their divorce. Is that what you want?

My God, the little kid just crying. Yeah. Inconsolable. That stays with them their whole life, divorce. Bingo's just in that developmental stage. Doesn't handle it well because it gets messy. Because they both want more than their fair share

of the $4 million Queenslander house. Oh, beautiful home. Number four on the list of the top six ways to make Bluey more realistic for people who can't enjoy happiness.

Bluey and Bingo walk in and Dad's crying because they're short on money this week and they can't make their mortgage or car repayments. Is that what you want?

Yeah. Is that what you want? Yeah. And the kids come in and he's like, no, no, it's alright. No, no, it's nothing for you kids to worry about. No, it's fine. You just might be seeing a little bit less of Dad around. Yeah, we need to talk about your birthdays, kids. Is that what you want?

Well, yeah. They must do. Number three on the list of the top six ways to make Bluey more realistic for people who can't enjoy happiness. Bluey has to drive home from the pub. Bluey's six. Bluey has to drive home from the pub because mum and dad got pissed and they think it's the safer option to let a six-year-old drive. Then they get pulled over by the police

and Bandit uses a breedist slur against the Dash Hound police officer. Oh, my God. Oh, my goodness. A breedist slur against the dash-hound police officer. Oh my God. Oh my goodness. It's a breedist slur. Don't say the word. Is that what we want? No, no. Number two on the list

of the top six ways to make Bluey more realistic for people who can't enjoy happiness. Bandit, Dad, and Chilly, Mum, have a rip-roaring argument over how much Chilly spent on her latest Anine Bing hooded sweatshirt.

Oh my God, a dog in an Anine Bing hooded sweatshirt. A dog in an Anine Bing? That's how I imagine their dog's got. Their arguments go. Is that what we want? And number one on the list of the top six ways to make Bluey more realistic for people who can't enjoy happiness. There's an episode where they're all in the same

room but everybody's just on like their phones or iPads or some sort of screen for the whole episode and not a single word is said. Is that what you want? That's today's subsets. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley. For the record, I think this is a...

Stop your record. This is going to be a great chat. This is going to be a fantastical chat. Like the time that I said, have you seen a ghost? We've got some hella good stories. This is right up there with that. To the dark arts we return. Oh, I love a trip to the dark arts.

Now. What was that face? I don't believe it, but I love a trip to the dark arts. Now, what was that face? I don't believe it, but I love a trip to the dark arts. He's speaking in tongues. So 28 girls in Columbia, 28 high school girls were taken from high school straight to hospital. Rushed to hospital. Columbia? Columbia.

Beautiful. And allegedly they were playing with a Ouija board. Can you explain? The satanic panic stuff blows my mind. As a teenage witch, can you explain what a Ouija board is? As soon as we can't get Sabrina. Only because we can't get Sabrina. Show Sabrina.

Second teenage witch. It is a board that has... Did you have a witch name or did you just go with Hayley? Hayley. It's not a witch name. I am a witch. It's not a character I play. But I thought you might have a name.

No. We would have burnt you at a stake years ago. Yeah. Isn't that wild? Yeah. Yeah. A Ouija board is like a little magical board. We would have burnt you at aaked too, by the way.

I'm the only one here that would have survived the Middle Ages. You would have been burned at a stake. I would have been a high priest. I would have been a Catholic high priest. Yes, you wouldn't have been burned at the stake. I wouldn't have been burned at the stake. I wouldn't be burned at the stake. You'd be first on the pile, 100%.

We would use you to light her fire. Wow. You're calling me kindling use you to light her fire. Wow. You're calling me kindling. You are a kindling. Wow. So 28 girls, they were playing with a Ouija board,

which is a board that's got letters on it and you contact the dead and the dead put your hand on the little pointer and it moves. Someone is always moving it.

Someone's always moving it. Ouija boards have no roots in the spiritual world. It was a game. It was like a game company's game. Yeah, but spirits can get on board with games. Well, if we're going to sit down and play a game with the devil, it might as well be Monopoly, the truly most satanic game there's ever been.

It truly is. Well, 28 girls were in a group. They were playing this. They were trying to contact the dead. Suddenly, lots of them were fainting, dizziness, illness, anxiety. Imagine if you went, oh my god. Because it was in Colombo in the cocaine lab next door.

Just turned off their air conditioning and it's like flowing in under the wall. 28 of them went to hospital. Mass hysteria. 28! It's mass hysteria because as soon as one goes, it's like, you know when you're in a group, you're very easily influenced by the things around you. And especially teenage girls, like, so dramatic. It's like on the inter-islander when one person spews. Oh, you have a chunny.

Everyone's having a chunny. That's exactly what's happening here. It's the inter-islander effect. I mean, if it's sailing at all. Yeah. Wow. No, we're pulling it out the water, aren't we? It's topical because there's been a lot of cancellations lately.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, hot and topical reference you've made there. Thank you. Anyway, I'm not saying I'm all for the Ouija board. I agree. It's a game probably made by Hasbro and, you know. Is it not how Calvin Cruikshank contacts dead nans? No, that's just through the third eye.

In the third eye. Never found a dead body. Okay. They never found a dead body. In all of Sensing Murder, they never got an answer. They never got an answer and I want you to remember that.

Are you calling them out? Sound like a show. It sounds like you're calling them out. Not a friend of the show. It sounds like you're calling them out. The whole thing was very entertaining, but a murder was never solved. Sensing Murder never sensed a murder.

This is true. Now, the impossible phone of today is... Here we go. I'm not expecting a single call. We need to be open-minded to this, guys, or otherwise people won't call and share their experiences because they'll think we're going to mock them relentlessly, which we're not, are we?

No. We would like you to call and tell us if you've had a Ouija board experience, a genuine Ouija board experience. It moved. Is that what you're saying? Lights flickered? Yeah, it told you a message.

That's it moving across the board. Can you talk to animals? Or do they have to be able to speak English? Animals don't speak English. How are they going to translate to you on a board? Because then the dead dog has to then learn English in the afterlife. That's not possible. Don't put this silly.

What if somebody was having a Ouija board experience, but it wasn't spelling anything in English, but it's because they were talking to a Spanish ghost? Well, wouldn't the devil be speaking in some kind of Latin? The devil's preferred tongue is Latin from my studies. Well, look, whatever language they've spoken, we want to know if you have had a Ouija board experience like these 28 Colombian girls.

Oh, I'm really expecting the phone. Are you kidding me? The phones are ringing. They are popping up. Are you kidding me? Welcome. Maybe you weren't the only teenage witch. I wasn't.

There was a pack of us. We used to hang around Manor's Mall. Oh, God. It was always Manor's Mall. Give us a call. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley. Play ZM. Well, the impossible finding topic today.

Wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow. You can't see the eye roll from Vaughan and myself. You can hear it. You can hear it in your tone. In your tone. There were 28 girls in Colombia who were rushed to hospital after playing with a Ouija board. They were fainting.

They were dizzy. They went nuts. And so I wanted to know if you've had a Ouija board experience. Like I have. What was your experience? My experience was my friend Ashley moved it. And was like, oh my God. My friend Ashley moved it.

There's always an Ashley. Yeah. Oh, guys, guys. And it's the one overselling it. I can feel that. Whoa. Wow. Guys! And it's the one overselling it. Ha! Ha! Let me feel that. Whoa! Well, we want to know if you... I mean, I can't believe we're doing this. I can.

I'm in charge. My name is Beelzebub. SK joins us. Good morning. SK. Hi. SK. SK.

Good morning. Now, I'm going to hand you over to Hayley, the believer. Hey. Tell me, SK. Hi. Ska. Ska. Good morning. Now, I'm going to hand you over to Hayley, the believer. Hey. Tell me, SK, what was your Ouija board experience? We were at uni, and one of us had watched the Ouija board horror movie. I don't know if you've heard of it. And we were like, let's try this thing, you know, like, what's there to lose? What have we got to lose?

Apart from our gentle innocence and our soul's deceit. And then we drew a portrait of a Ouija board on someone's refill pad. Wait, wait, wait. You just used a sheet of paper? And a hungry big pen. Okay, go on. Okay, carry on. With a vivid.

A vivid, yeah, okay. Yep. And then there was, I think, about five of us. And we were like slowly. This was in OGGB, by the way, at Auckland Uni. How many of you are at uni? This is such a high school thing to do. Yeah, wow.

And then, yeah, we basically spelled out this name. And we asked him a few details, what what his age was when he died and um if he was in the room with us um and he gave us he gave us a name he gave us the like an age where he died and he also said he was in the room with us so what we did was one of us um googled like death certificates or death records and found this person with the same name died around the same age but was in Texas

America. He's come all the way from Texas. The spirit world is not geographical. Because they don't need to take planes, do they? No, they exist on a different plane. Yeah. Spooky working, yes. How did he spell out his name or tell you his name? Because I think you ask his name and then you're all holding.

It moves. SK, you also got a real povo ghost because you just did it on refill with a vivid. That's povo. You would have been a real rich or a real evil one if you had made some carved wood or something. Y'all were looking for a ghost? I got five minutes. My name's Joel and I died at the age of 12. Thank you, SK.

Jessie, good morning. Hi, guys. Oh, Jessie's got a real witchy vibe. Did you spend any time as a teenage witch, Jessie? No. Well, I never really heard of the Ouija board or believed in that sort of thing at a young age until I met a friend of mine just out of high school.

She told me all about what the Ouija board was about and she asked me, oh, are you interested in giving it a go? So I was like, yeah, like, let's try it. Like, surely it's not real. Yeah, what's the worst that can happen? Yeah, exactly. So we start playing this game, and we do the whole,

are you male? And they say yes. Wait, that sounds like you too. All these pervy male ghosts in the room with these young girls. What are you girls doing? You need shoes? Yeah. I'm a ghost.

Like you ask for their age and all that sort of stuff and we ask for them to spell their name. Now, for anybody that knows Ouija boards, they know that Zozo is not exactly the friendliest person you

want to speak with. Zozo is basically the devil of the board. Okay, Zozo. I'm just looking up, there's a company, Zozo New Zealand specialises in mathematical modelling, computer vision, machine learning and data analysis. Or is it Satan in disguise? Zozo Demon.

So yeah, we were speaking with Zozo and as soon as he Spelt the name, her eyes Basically almost fell out of their sockets Like she was in utter shock And of course, I'm oblivious Because I have no idea what's going on And

Basically he managed To connect himself To her What? He possessed her? He tethered himself. He did. He hotspotted her.

I think the technical term is he hotspotted her. He hotspotted her. Yeah. And basically made her harm herself to the point of, like, I'm talking clawing at her skin, pulling her hair. Wait, she wasn't acting? No, she's a very timid, well, was very timid, very quiet. What do you mean was? Did Zozo stay in there for the rest of her days?

She had to go to the psych ward afterwards. Oh, my God. I think she might have been on a journey to the psych ward before. It was Zozo. It was Zozo. It was Zozo. Okay, wow. That is a wild story there, Jessie. Thank you.

Don't. You've got to be a believer. I don't. And then I saw his face. Zozo, Zozo, and I'm a believer. Now look. Who messaged in saying burn the witch? Don't burn me.

I'm sorry. Lots of messages in. We would have burnt her first. Yeah, probably. If we're going back to that. Wedgie boards definitely work. This is some text messages we used to make our own and it still worked. I've done them with different people and of course we're checking to see if anyone's pushing.

They weren't. But that means you're pushing. You don't even know. You don't even weren't. But that means you're pushing. You don't even know. You don't even know that you're pushing but you're pushing. It's the collective growth. It scares me so much

thinking about it now as an adult. I'd never do it again. When my wife's nana was alive she'd use a Ouija board all the time. And now, no lies, we see her walking around

the house from time to time. That's from Logan. Wow. Clay. time. That's from Logan. There's a new trend on the talk. It is called Delusion Week. Delusion Week is where you basically act like the hottest, most successful version of yourself, the most put together Haley, if it was my delusion week, that could ever be. And by committing to only a week, it's really doable. So the idea is like, it's all the things that you know you should do, right? Go to bed early, no screen time, wake up in the morning, maybe a lemon water, do your skincare, go to the gym, affirmationsda-da-da-da. Affirmations.

All the things that, like, influencers do, and you scroll through and you go, oh, I should do that. I couldn't do it. One week, though, this is the thing. By just committing to one week of it, of this so-called delusional life, where you're like, I'm a hot, like, put-together woman, you're basically setting yourself a more realistic goal. Because after delusion week, you can go back to being the same, like, s put together woman, you're basically setting yourself a more realistic goal.

Because after delusion week, you can go back to being the same like slobby sack of bonbons you were before. Okay. So people are like sharing their delusion week, which is like day two delusion week and I wake up early. I'm waking up earlier than usual. I thought you weren't allowed social media on delusion week. No, no, you have to share it or it didn't happen.

Oh, okay. Gotcha. But just like don't get into bed and doom scroll. Right. So there was one woman who- I love doom scrolling. It's where I find people in a worse position than my current mental state and be like,

could be worse. Yeah, yeah, I feel better about myself. At least I'm not on a TikTok live eating something sloppy and noisy at 10 o'clock at night. Yeah. Could be worse. There's one woman called Ella. She's got a lot of followers.

She was saying she basically tried this. It's got a term now, but she tried this. She was like, I'm just going to do one week. And three years later, she's still kind of doing it because that's the whole thing. It's like you might at the end of that week be like, I feel incredible. There's self-confidence I have exerted this week.

But all that doing is being an influencer because that's all influencers are doing. Don't think influencers like doing all that dumb stuff they're doing. They're just trying to kid themselves and trick themselves and make themselves appear like something they're not. Then it's delusion life. This is cynical week for me. Good delusion week.

Yeah. Very cynical week. Delusion week can turn into delusion month. I mean, yeah, I don't know. But what you're saying is just have some good habits very cynical week. A delusion week can turn into delusion month. I mean, yeah, I don't know. But what you're saying is just have some good habits for the week. Basically, but also just like change your mindset into being like, I am this kind of ideal person. I am like the epitome of perfection this week.

This is very hard to do in New Zealand because everyone will just mow you down. No, you're not. Yeah. Who do you think you are? It's not that hot. Who do you think you are? You had lemon water this morning. It's not making a difference.

Your skin looks grey and drab. You're not that hot. I mean, give it a try. Delusion week? Share your delusion week. I've been in a delusion week since the day I was born. Yeah. Why set it for one week? Share your delusion week. I've been in a delusion week since the day I was born. Yeah. Why set it for one week?

Delude yourself your entire life. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley. Lady Gaga, Bloody Mary, the sped up version, which is what we're talking about right now because songs now apparently come in two versions, the original and the sped up version because people don't have time. Do you have the normal speed version? I've got the normal speed version if you need it.

Yeah, give it to us. Okay. It's four minutes and four. And how long was that song? Three minutes eight. Three minutes eight. So they took a minute off it. Quarter off.

Is that the fast version? That's the fast one. And then if you go back to the... Yeah. DJ, please. Spin that. See, that's like

that heavy. Like, I like this. Yeah. I'm old, old, old. Now, I'll have to check with my father-in-law what speed version he recorded. Has he done one? Dude, he's done this song.

So, I heard it and I was like, that's really good. If you don't listen to the show, my father-in-law prolifically records covers. That's what he does in his retirement. How many has he hit? Over 400. Can you get Sade to message him and ask him for the... I said, come on.

You can come on and talk about the song because it's a massive song. Yeah, yeah. It's Bloody Mary's song. And he's like, oh, no, no, no, no, no, no. I was like, you loved it last time we played your song. He loves it. He loved the attention.

But he said, oh, then I'd need to make a music video for him. Well, tell him to get making a music video. Oh, my God. Get to making music. I've said to the girls, if you want a popular TikTok account, you've got a man with endless content being produced.

All you have to do is make the videos. I'd follow that. I would follow that so quickly. 72-year-old Thai man dancing around singing these covers that he loves so much. Otherwise, we'll get Shannon at the social media desk to do it. Absolutely, in her spare time, all that spare time she's got. All that spare time. She does nothing, finishes work about 10, goes home.

Yeah, exactly. Sleeps all day. So not even Lady Gaga can believe this. And the song was never in the Wednesday series on Netflix. No, that's a different, that's a mid-version. But it just kind of became... No, it was not even in it full stop. Someone did an edit to her dance and sped the song up on it.

So the song she does the dance to is not that song? No, it's Maki Dadadudu. Maki Dadadudu. Yeah, it just became popular because someone edited it. Oh, it became harder. On TikTok. And now everyone is like... Goo Goo Muff, that's what it's called.

This is how we listen to music now. And now songs are coming out. So songs come out in three versions. Do you know who would hate this? Neil Young. Old school musicians. Old school Neil Young would hate this. Any musician would hate this.

Brian May would have something to say about this. What was that song back in the day? Was it a Fat Freeze Drops song that had a massive trumpet outro? Yeah. And commercial radio were like, we don't need that part. And they hated it. You're still getting played.

And the way streaming is now, this is why songs are two minutes, two and a half minutes, because you can stream the same song in the same time. You can stream it twice when you could have listened to it once. And that's my name. I think we're raising anxious kids. They need to slow down. But then's my name. I think we're raising anxious kids. Everything's just,

they need to slow down. But then there's slow versions of songs too. Like really slow. The standard tempo that the musician wanted them to come out as, the sped up version for TikTok and the slow version for, I don't know.

I don't know what they're all being used for. But I was thinking, do we speed the radio show up? Do people want us to be over quicker? We need to go. We need to be faster. Could we just talk really fast? Because I've always been able to talk quite fast

because I've always been able to do that, but you've got to keep your brain up with your thought. Yeah. Your brain's got to be two steps ahead. Eventually you're going to hit a wall, aren't you? Well, producer Jared in his control booth does have the ability to speed up the show. So would you like to try this?

Yeah, I reckon we'll give this a go. Okay, Producer Jared, we'll cross to him. Are you ready? Yep, I can push the button. Okay. I've got something we can talk about. My Comedy Fest show is coming out in May. Would you slow down, please?

My Comedy Fest show is coming out in May. It's the 9th to the 13th. This is the world we live in. People want it faster and they want it quicker and they weren't happy with the 2011 Lady Gaga. They want the quick Lady Gaga and we're giving the people a 2023 show. The show is the May 9th to the May 13th.

It's at Kew Theatre in Auckland and it's about my body and it's called Ailments and it's part of the New Zealand International Comedy Festival. I think we actually need to speed it up a little bit more. I feel like this is fast, but we need to go faster. Jared, kick it up another notch. And now, this is getting better. Wow.

There's so much more information delivered in that time now. You're going very fast though. I'm going very fast. I'm going fast. I'm just talking a normal rate that I would talk at at the moment. I think it's quite a good, this is sort of my 10-pile.'s so much more information delivered in that time now. You're going very fast though. I'm going very fast. I'm not going fast. I'm just talking a normal rate that I would talk at at the moment. I think it's quite a good, this is sort of my tempo.

A 2023 speed. Is this 2023 speed? 2023 speed. If this is 2023 speed, what is 2024 speed? What is 2025 speed? Everything needs to happen before the ice caps melt.

So if we all just start living this much faster than we're ordinarily living, I think we'll kind of all be done by the time the earth comes. What do you mean before the ice caps melt? The ice caps are melting. Yeah, I know,

but fully melted before we're all underwater. How come, here's a question for you, how come the ice caps are melting but Venus is dry? Riddle me that climate change. That's what I'd like to know.

Are people liking this faster content? I don't know. It's certainly making the show go faster, isn't it? Yeah, it is, but we're still going to be talking for the same amount of time. Oh, yes. So if people do want to go to your comedy show,

look at www.comedyfestival.co.nz. Oh, I see. When you said www, it was very fast. If I say it really slow in normal time, in the speed up time, it'll be normal speed. Say it how your mum reads out a website when she wants you to go and check it out.

All right. www.comedyfestival.co.nz When she wants you to go and check it out. All right. W-W-W dot comedy, C-O-M-E-D-Y, festival, F-E-S-T-I-V-A-L dot co dot n-z, not dot com. Even speed up, that was slow. Even speed up, that was slow, yeah. Really want you to book tickets. Play ZM's Fletch for the Daily. Play ZM.

There is drama in Hollywood. There's something between Justin Bieber, Hailey Bieber, Selena Gomez, some eyebrows. I'm not the person to keep up with this. We cross now to Carl Ween, who just said if there's celeb drama, I'm all over it. Yeah, that's my claim to fame. Why are we hating Hailey Bieber?

Look, I'm not encouraging anyone to hate Hailey Bieber. But you think she's a b. But, she has a little mean girl energy. She does have a little mean girl energy. So she was being mean to Selena? Yeah, so like Selena posted a video or something saying, oops, I overdid my

eyebrow lamination, whatever. Then, Hayley Bieber and Kylie Jenner post an Instagram story of their eyebrows hinting that they're making fun of Selena. And now they've done this in the past as well. Nasty mean girl. Posted TikToks that seem to be implying things about Selena. And so the internet, who is here for Selena Gomez.

Absolutely. We're here for Selena Gomez. They are not happy. And then Justin Bieber was doing a concert, right? And then the crowd, when he came out started chanting F Hayley Bieber. Yeah, now that's not very nice because in the past people have yelled Selena is better and Selena, we love Selena, at Hayley as well on the red carpet.

Yeah, right, and Selena would have had it too, right? Yeah, so Selena's got it, Hayley's got it, people are chanting. But now everyone hates Justin Bieber's wife. I'm 41 years old. I haven't gone home, I'm just 41. You here? Born and sitting in the room. I am here.

I'm just not contributing because I'm a 41-year-old male. That's all right. That's fine. I'm sorry. It all does seem very immature, doesn't it? Like, come on. This is such high school pettiness. I cannot even believe this is happening.

It's mean girls. It's just mean girls. It's mean girls. And also, yeah, I'm not, I mean, obviously, don't be mean to Selena. Don't be mean to Hayley. Don't chant at people. But now, I mean, I think that everyone already hated Hayley Bieber because everyone wants, like, the people who are chanting this love Justin.

So you're always going to hate the person who you've got a crush on, his wife, right? Vaughn's still here. I'm here. You're here? What are you thinking about? I was thinking about roller coasters. What are you thinking about roller coasters for?

Well, because I looked at the cord of my laptop that runs from the power cable to my computer and it's all like wrapped around and I was like, this would be an insane roller coaster. You should do that game. Roller coaster tycoon. I have. And I made the one that killed

people. Oh, okay. The euthanasia coaster. The euthanasia coaster. Yeah, and I made that and then, but it didn't kill them. What killed them was when they came flying off at the end because they didn't put a stop or a loop on it to complete the loop. It's a pretty wild game, Roller Coaster Tycoon. Okay. I've never played it.

It sounds like a bit of me. It sounds like a bit of me. I wish you could play Roller Coaster Tycoon and Zoo Tycoon at the same time. You could shoot people off the roller coaster into the zoo. And then you, like, cross fields and now you're back in the zoo. Yeah, yeah. I was just thinking launch them into the lions, but we could cross fields. I'm just going to leave you a little bit.

I'm going to pop back. Okay. If you pop back and talk to the younger people, I might start thinking about something else. Okay. Now that people don't like Hayley Bieber and there's beef around, I wanted to know if someone doesn't like your partner. Because that's so awkward.

Is there like, do people not like your partner or are people constantly going like... You know, you have a dinner and you're just like, bring, you know, come over, but don't bring your partner. You don't need to bring yours. You're hoping that they don't come? Yeah, totally. Actually, I'm just trying to think that's not really a case for me.

No, I love Margaret. My friends. Oh, you mean Margaret. Yeah. My Margaret. Which is Margaret. Gentle entry Margaret. We're always like, bring Margaret.

What's Margaret? Oh, he's back. He's back. I'm back. You can't get me out of a conversation if we're talking about sweet Margaret. And I mean, we obviously, we've been to dinners with Vaughan and Sade. We love Sade. We love Sade.

Even with the cracked plates. Despite the plates. Even with the cracked plates, we love Sade. People like Sade more than they like me. That's fine. Well, yeah, quite often we'll invite Sade. She gets to the life of the party, whereas I get to, you know, nine-ish

and I'm ready for home. Yeah, Aaron says the same. People like me more than they like him when we socialise because same thing, he's just like happy to just sit around. Just sits. Very easy going man.

Yeah, he is indeed. So we want to know. We're going to take some calls and send some messages in of do you have a partner that people don't like and why and how do they communicate to

or are you the partner that people don't like? Yeah, maybe. I don't think people would know that people don't like their partner, right? Yeah, how did you find out? Yeah. If you're always getting invited to no partners,

they don't like your partner, right? You're always getting a wedding invite that is in bold, no plus ones. Yeah, no plus ones. But then everyone else at the wedding has their plus one. Yeah, and you're a single. Or at their dinner. It's a numbers thing. It's a numbers thing. Oh, we just assumed Margaret couldn't make it.

She's so busy with... What does Margaret do for a job? Well, I don't even know. She won't tell me. Oh. Chandelantry Margaret. She's coy. She's coy.

We called her. Oh, Gem. Gem. Right, okay. Chandelary. Yeah. 0800 DARS at Amazon number. You can text 9696.

When did someone not like your partner? Or maybe you've got a friend group and you don't like someone's partner. Or maybe you are the partner and you know that your partner's friends don't like you. Well, we dove into some goss about Hayley Bieber. People don't like her anymore because she's been mean to Selena.

And at a recent concert, people chanted, F Hayley Bieber. So we want to know. During that, I was designing the perfect roller coaster. But then I tapped back in. Came back because we got chatting about lovely old Mark. Yeah. Oh, my God. Fletch's partner, Margaret.

You guys simply must meet her. You're not going to believe this. Off air. Can I announce? Well, I don't know. No, no, no, no, no. Fletch, okay, we'll keep it private. Well, that's Fletch's news. I was hoping to, I don't know. No, no, no. Okay, we'll keep it private. Well, that's which is news.

I was hoping to do a woman's magazine announcement. No, we'll keep it private. I won't say another word. I won't say another word. We wanted to know. Of my fake girlfriend. Are they fake? I thought they were real.

I brushed up against them the other day and I was like, squishy. I had not even looked at lovely Margaret's breasts. You wouldn't because she's so wholesome. Anyway, we want to know if people don't like your partner. She made a gentle entry to the group. And that's why we call her gentle entry Margaret. Gem. Gem for short.

Do you have a partner that people don't like? Or are you the partner that people don't like? All right, let's go to Katie. Katie. Hello. Explain the situation here. So I am married. We're about

34 and all my husband's friends are either barely in relationships or still living with their parents and I get that bit trapped because I just don't deal with children. I like that.

So you've kind of got it together. Yeah and I just feel like all their friends get offended because you know we're deal with children. I like that. So you've kind of got it together. Yeah. And I just feel like all their friends get offended because, you know, we're all grown up, got kids, we've got a mortgage, all that sort of thing. And they're all just not on the same level, but they're all the same age. And I'm like, get it together, guys. And don't hate me because I've got my life together. Yeah, but they just want to go out with your, you know, husband.

You made your husband boring. You've made him boring and they blame you. Yes, they do. That's just growing up though, isn't it? That's just what happens. Okay, Blink182, calm down. Do you remember when Vaughn used to come out with us all the time and used to be fun? Vaughn used to be so fun.

Hayley never knew me when I was fun. I didn't know super fun Vaughn. He was no good. He was a piece of shit. I'll say it right now. He was a no good rat bag. He comes out every now and again. He's a rascal. Every now and then we'll get a little bit. He's a rogue. He's a rascal.

We saw him with the Wiggles. That's why we like to go out with your wife. She still cuts loose. She's never changed. She'll cut loose. That's why she's a woman after my own heart. Yeah. Sade. More text messages, eh? That's why I'm going with Sade and the divorce. I want that to be clear.

I have wondered, I think I'll end up with four people tops if we were divorced. Who are the four people? Well, you. Yeah. Well, I kind of have to.

I work here. And then the lads. Yeah. That's a bit better. Wow. And that's fine. I'm with Sade. And Margaret, actually.

You can go with Sade. I'd like Margaret. I'm the divorce. I don't know of Margaret. Gem. Don't I'd like Margaret. On the divorce. I don't know of Margaret. Gem. Exist. Shut up, Gem. People tolerated my ex-husband.

Tolerated. Oh, my God. Imagine finding out one day if you'd been tolerated. Also, what a big told you so from the friends, ex-husband. Yeah, I love that. And I should have listened to my dad who said it to me as he walked me down the aisle at the rehearsal. This is where you run. What? Yeah. I is where you run. What?

Yeah. I'd be so mad. Why are you saying it to me now, Dad? Why are you saying it to me now? Why are you saying that? I mean, Dad's probably been saying it all along. Yeah. I'm the partner they don't like.

All my husband's friends think I'm a bitch, but they're all idiots. They need to grow up. So that sounds fun. That sounds like he's not caught in the middle of anything at all there. Yeah, that's fair. That's great. That's good fun for him. I'm the partner no one likes.

My husband is Captain Charisma and makes friends wherever he goes. I'm a lot more reserved and self-conscious, so people think I'm a snob, but I'm not. One of his friends named me High Society B-I-T-C-H because I wasn't contributing to their conversation, which I'm okay with because now there's no pressure on me to go out at all. I mean, that's kind of a win if you are an introvert to be like, well, they don't invite me to things.

You can go out and literally have the house to myself. Yeah. That's going to be good stuff. That's going to be nice. My partner's friends are his workmates, and unfortunately they don't like me because he used to get bored because he used to get bored and do a lot of overtime. But now he's with me.

He stopped doing that to spend time with me. He doesn't do overtime and they're salty. I said they can come over and chill out, but they always grumble to him that I'm the problem. She's like, come on over. She's going to put on some chips. Well, they're just jealous because they don't have a mini at home. It is pretty wild when like, you know, the lads, lads, lads.

And one of the lads is like, lads, I'm settling down. Oh, lads, lads, lads. Lads the lads, lads, lads. And one of the lads is like, lads, I'm settling down. Oh, lads, lads, lads, lads, lads, lads, lads, lads, lads. But then they slowly start dropping off and then there's always one guy left. Oh, I know. He's like, lads, lads. He's got burst capillaries on his cheeks. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then he falls into the cake at the wedding.

He like dressed way too casual at the wedding because like he didn't have a partner to tell him what to wear. Let's do some shots. Are we getting on the piss or what? We haven't even started the ceremony. You were told not to preload. Oh, you even better wink.

Fun wedding. Someone said when I was with my ex, she broke up with me afterwards. I found out all my friends hated her and no one actually liked her and they were super glad she was gone. If you were with someone, if you were dating and you were with someone, would you want your friends to say like, I'm going to be honest with you, I don't like them?

Not as upfront as that, but you'd be like, if you didn't like them because they weren't nice to your friend, you'd want to be told. You could definitely say something like, hey, that's how she speaks to you in front of people. It's pretty abrasive, my dude. But you'd also want to know, you know, if your mate was a rat bag that needed to be talked to like that. Yeah. You might turn a bit of a mind off.

Some guys like that. We do have a message from a very disappointed listener. And I think we need to address it. Is Fletch off the market? With my fake girlfriend, Margaret. I'm just saying, Monday in the supermarkets, the Woman's Day, the cover, we'll have your answer. I don't know.

I don't think it will. Keep your eye out. Woman's Day will tell all. And this story will shock you. The woman that tamed my heart. No, I don't think so. The woman who pulled me out of the darkness and into the light. Yeah.

My angel. My life-changing Margaret. No one's even called Margaret anymore. Gentle entry Margaret. How old is Margaret? She's 62. I'm literally imagining a woman in her 60s. I love How old is Margaret? She's 62. I'm literally imagining a woman in her 60s.

I love the old girls. Love the old girls. Love the old girls. He plays them like a flute, honestly. Yeah. He just loves that. Are you reading out

the Raspberry Fizzy? And then we can... Oh! Oh, no! Yes! We've got Raspberry Mike. We've got Mike, the Raspberry Fizz.

Mike, good morning. Good morning. How are you guys? Good. This text was so good that producer Jared has called Mike back. Mike, tell us what happened. Bit younger, 18, 19. Yep.

At a friend's birthday party. Had a few too many at that age. As you do. Yeah, as you do. Someone decided to put their raspberry vodka in the middle of the carpet and when you've had too many, you don't notice

those small things and I knocked it over. Oh, mate. These things happen, eh? Yeah. Well, I mean, the real culprit here is whoever was drinking

a raspberry vodka. Yeah, how embarrassing. Grow up. But then they left it on the floor in the middle of the carpet. All strategical for me to knock over, I think. Yeah, how embarrassing. Grow up. But then they left it on the floor in the middle of the carpet. All strategical for me to knock over, I think. Yeah. But then they didn't get their deposit back,

and apparently it was all my fault. Oh, that is not your fault. You tipped over a drink. And so all your girlfriends hated you. All of her girlfriends' friends hated you because of that. Yeah, so I didn't get invited. But would love to see you, but Mike can't come. Oh, Mike, you sound like a sweetheart.

Raspberry fizzy. So... How did it happen? I'll go on. She's in the past now and got something better, so... How old are you now, Mike? Uh, 28. Are you still drinking Raspberry Fizzy?

It wasn't me. Are you still drinking Raspberry Fizzy, knocking it over and blaming none of the people, Mike? Are you still drinking a little bit too much on the weekends there, Mike? I probably should, though. Get back into it. Get back into some Raspberry Fizz, Mike. Yes.

I like Mike. How good is Raspberry Fizz? Nah, yucked. We need the Coke Zero Raspberry is what we need. It's good stuff. I've had it in America. No. It's good stuff. We need the Coke Zero Raspberry is what we need. It's good stuff. I've had it in America. No. It's good stuff. We don't need it. Do you know what? Get Mike

back on the phone. Mike's our caller of the week. Mike? Yeah, hey. We would name you our caller of the week. Oh, caller of the week. Corner of the week, you've got a $50 McCafe voucher thanks to our mates at McCafe. They do not have orange raspberry fizz. Oh, good for you then. Yeah, perfect for you. Great for you. from our mates at McCafe. They do not have orange raspberry fizz. Oh.

Yeah, perfect for you. Great for you. You're a more mature now. Coffee will also sustain if you knock it onto a carpet, though, so you be careful with your McCafe coffee. As well. Play ZM's Fletch Vaughan and Hayley. Fact of the day, day, day, day, day.

Yeah. Today's fact of the day Give it to me Is that the letter V A great letter V for Vorn V for Vendetta Is the only letter in the English language that is never silent. That's me taking a series of small bows.

That small shuffling sound was me just bowing. Never silent. A gina. I'm just running through some B words. I'm. Iolan. A gina. Someone can't get Margaret off the words. I'm. Iolan. I know. Someone can't get Margaret off the mind, I'll tell you that.

Yeah, you can't. Someone's got sweet Margaret. Someone's ready to go home. Iolant. Iolant. Violent. That's violent. Yeah, that's violent.

Vision. What? Vision. Oh, vision. No. Arse. Arse Arse Ace I say ace

Do you say ace? I say ace Do you say vase? I say vase Put them in a vase Yes I put them in a vase Well you're saying it wrong So

Okay wow it is Yeah I mean just from those four words Yeah but surely there's others No any English word is not. The V is always pronounced. There's always a V sound in there. What word's got a silent X?

Let me look on this list. Xylophone. No, that's literally X is the first sound you make. X-ray. Examination. Yeah. Words with silent X Is silent in the words faux and faux pas Oh yeah faux

And all words that are officially recognised as English words Even though they are French derived words I suppose yeah Country of origin Yeah country of origin Faux pas But now they are officially members of the English language Take that, France.

You take... Suck it, France. Rendezvous is the one with the silent Z. Yes. Okay. Oh, yeah, it is. Yeah. So there's...

They're all in there, but V is always pronounced. Okay. Oh, V-dub. What about a silent O? Oh, let me see if I can find a silent O. I mean, I suppose you'd go tough. It's not silent, though, because you're still making a vowel sound in the middle.

How are vowels silent? Because they just change. The letter O is silent in some words that pair it with the fellow vowels E and U, such as people, jeopardy, leopard, tough, rough, enough, trouble, and double. Why are you saying all those words wrong? Why are you saying piopple wrong?

Piopple. These are my piopples. Of course, I found myself in double geo-arpity. Man, that is toe-off. It is toe-off, but you know, no one can lie. Mate, you know what? I've had an ear no-off. So today's fact of the day is the letter V is the only letter in the English language that's never silent.

Fact of the day, day, day, day, day. Day. Just quickly, I had a lot of messages because before I mentioned, I said we, I made a sweeping statement along the lines of we need Coke Zero Raspberry in New Zealand because I'd had it in America. And one of those machines, you press the flavours

and it squirts it out. Well, apparently it's here now. There's always the international aisle. Raspberry, no, no, no, it's Raspberry Zero Sugar. They've got cans and bottles, and it's like a pink label. Look at that. Sorry, it's just loaded. Well, you're going to have the best eighth birthday

ever with your Raspberry Fizz. Man, you and your chums are going to play with your Nerf guns. Why don't you Nerf guns? Nerf blasts. Yeah, but it's in supermarkets. People have been messaging since I said that.

So this is fantastic news. This is just great. Great for you. Call me back. It sounds like you're not sharing my... Well, you know Margaret doesn't like you on the artificial swingers because it makes you a little tootie. Tootie in the bed, eh?

Tootie, eh? Tootie fruity. I don't have a girlfriend. I don't have a girlfriend called Margaret, okay? Well, she's your fiancé because it's engaged and she's very particular about the titles. No, no, no, Woman's Day, Woman's Day. Embargo, embargo.

I am so sorry. I broke the embargo. Embargo. Anyway. I will put up a little sneak peek of their engagement shoot. I'm like, oh, my God. They peek Of their engagement shoot On my gram Oh my god They did the cutest Engagement shoot

On the beach And I must say His hand was on her stomach At one stage Was that I saw it I saw it That's never happening

That's never happening I saw it I would never do that To our drinking weekend Oh Margaret That's so much Margaret's not gonna want to hear that Yeah Margaret doesn't like me

No Anytime we go Anytime I take her man out We get on the razz Oh Margaret doesn't like me. Anytime I take a man out, we get on the razz. Oh, Margaret doesn't like that. Margaret just wants a man to settle home and come home to his baby. Margaret does not exist. Margaret does not exist.

I've got a Margaret and her name's Jade. She is real. She does exist. She's my Margaret. My very own Margaret. She said to me, I was mowing the lawns yesterday, and she came in, and after a brief catch-up, she said, oh, Indy. A brief catch-up? A brief catch-up.

My wife and I yesterday had a brief catch-up. Well, we hadn't spoken because I'd been doing the lawns. So I was like, what's been happening? And that smells nice. Josh Emmett healthy butter chicken. What? I love Josh Emmett. I simply must.

Wait, wait, wait. Is it in that white cookbook of his? I don't know where she finds these Josh Emmetts. He probably doesn't call it a cookbook. What does he call it? I think a recipe cookbook. Josh Emmett Healthy Butter. I don't think he calls it Healthy Butter Chicken.

Or did she make it healthier? No, no, no. It was his recipe. But there's got to be a lot of- He just had butter chicken and you're trying to sell it to us as a healthy butter chicken. So we had cashews, soaked cashews, and then they get blasted in a blender. And that is the creaminess. Yes, yeah.

Wait, so there's no cream? No cream. Get out of here. No, it was real good. You know, I love Josh Himmel. We've met Josh. He's a lovely man. But get out of here.

And then I got some fresh, I believe it's pronounced jalapenos from the garden. Jalapenos. Jalapenos. Jalapenos, I apologise. I cut them up and I put them. Right, but is there sugar and cream in there? No. It was real nice. I'm sorry, Josh, but I'm going to the food court.

In the trash. God, he makes good food. He makes good food. God, he's ripped. That's the bad part. They said, I don't trust a skinny chef. He's a fit man and I trust him. So there was a brief catch up I said what was that smell

And she said Josh M it's butter chicken I said we simply must discuss So we spent a good 15 minutes Talking about the alternatives Much like we just have now here And then she said Oh and Indy took me aside

For a little chat And I was like Oh 11 years old What's this little chat about Is it about boys Is there a boy chat happening 11 years old you What's this little chat about? Is it about boys? Is there a boy chat happening? 11 years old, you say? Yeah, because she still thinks boys are yuck,

which I'm absolutely fine with, and I can't argue with it. Boys are yuck. It's not going to take long, though. She said to Sade, I think you need to have a word with school. What's school up to? Heavens, what about? And he said, well, we were looking in the dictionary today and that thing is full of swear words.

They don't take them out for schools. The F word. The S word. No. The W-H-O-R-E word. Whoa. I know, it's all in the dictionary. Whoa.

Whoa, I know. Goodness. The dictionary doesn't have seed. I thought, it's all in the dictionary. Whoa! Whoa, I know. Goodness. The dictionary doesn't have seed. I thought, surely not. Surely not. I wouldn't dare drop that on a Scrabble board with family. Even if it was my only option because I couldn't. Yeah, but what if they were the only letters you had left?

Because you couldn't find an A so you could spell aunt. Yeah, right, okay. Or you could write nut, just to be safe. But then you'd need to join it to a word that can't be your first word. I'm scared. We're dancing around.

It's going to slip out. Unless there's an S you could do nuts. Are we accepting plural in this game of Scrabble? Yeah, but if you're going to do nuts you could also plural the other one. Yeah.

More points. More points. More points. More points. More points, yikes. So what did your wife say? She's like, yeah, they're all in there.

They're all. They're all. Like, so many of the swear words. She's like, some of them have got all kinds of names. Which means she went looking for them. Which, and then I was like, I remember at her age, the first year of intermediate, in the library, someone's like, you know, the dictionary's got swear words in it. You're like, it does not. Come here.

You'd go into the corner and you'd be like, look at this one. Straight to F. Straight to one. Straight to F. Straight to F. F was your first. He always went to F. But now I'm trying to think of this. I remember there was racial slurs in there as well. Goodness. I know. I don't know if there still is, but there was

in the 90s dictionary. Maybe things have changed. Maybe a few of those have been taken out. Does she expect the school to cross them out or blame them up? She wants some censorship. We used to highlight them. Well, I screamed at her, free speech, free speech, free speech. Yeah. I said, this is an dictatorship. And you kept saying,

say it, say it, say it. And then she said something that slightly offended me and I went on full knock and she said, what about free speech? I said, it only counts when a white man's screaming it. Yes, yeah. Right, okay. A white middle class, middle aged man is allowed to scream free speech.

But if anybody else then throws in my face that I've been offended and don't want somebody to say something under the guise of free speech, I say, that's not how it works. So anyway, we just said that's where there are words in there. Right. So you won't be talking to the school today demanding they- No, I certainly will not. Cut tiny holes in the dictionary?

No, I certainly will not. I'm not that parent. This is unacceptable. I'm not that parent. Somebody else said they remember at their school. They pointed out to the teacher and the teacher grabbed the vivid and crossed them out. Censorship. Censorship.

They might as well burn the books. You can't do that. What is this, 1936 Germany? Free speech, free speech, free speech. as long as it's my free speech. Or Texas now. Yeah, that too. That very much too. Should we say a swear word?

Yes. No. Save your favourite one. Absolutely not. Ready? Three. No. Two.

No. Hayley. No. You can't say that one. I said it. And I meant it. Play. ZM's Fletchvorn and Hayley.

I was reading an article on Mean Girls and it has me reflecting on how good Mean Girls is. For me, Mean Girls is like up there with Bridesmaids. The movie? Yeah. Oh yeah, classic. And it's now, it's been a stage show for a while. It is just, is it? How did I not know this? I always forget Lizzie Kaplan was in Mean Girls. Up There With Bridesmaids. The movie. Yeah. Oh, yeah, classic. And it's now, it's been a stage show for a while.

It is just, is it? How did I not know this? I always forget Lizzie Kaplan was in Mean Girls. Yeah. Yeah, I always forget she was in Mean Girls. Yeah, she was the best character. Yeah. Janice.

Yeah. Janice the lesbian. That's correct. That is correct. Yeah, Mean Girls the musical. Oh, my God. What's some of their songs? It's based on the 2004 film.

It started production in 2017, so it's been going a while. Is there a song called You Go, Glen Coco? I'm assuming there would be. It's on Broadway if you ever get to New York. Oh, my God. If I ever get to New York. That'll never happen. Here you go. There's a screenshot of it.

Oh, my God. I love it. Oh, my God. I'm it. Oh, my God. I'm fizzed. I'm going to watch some online later. So there was a study on the mean girl effect. They did a study with lots of people across the world, and they looked at what they desire from their same-sex friendships.

So female on female friendships, male on male friendships. And for women, it revealed that, male on male friendships. And for women, it revealed that, well, actually for both men and women, but particularly with women, they prefer friends who are kind towards themselves. Like I want a friend to be nice to me, but I want them to be utterly vicious towards my enemies.

So if I was to hate someone, which I don't believe I do, I hate Hitler. You know what I mean? I mean, if your friend is snuggling up to Hitler, there's problems. But say you don't really have a nemesis or... Well, not really.

No, I don't think I have a nemesis. I don't have someone I actively hate. You get on with most people. I'm very personal. Whereas Vaughn has so many nemesis Or so many nemeses Nemeses Yeah But if I did

I'm actually low on nemeses at the moment So if you Do you want me to cross you? In the area of looking across somebody Okay And make a lifelong nemeses You can open a position I mean

Take it as you will That I'm short on nemeses at the moment What happened to my other ones? They're no longer with us. They're no longer here. So I've got a hell of a track record. But do you think that that – so what does it say about guys? So you guys are exactly the same.

So you guys are nothing better than siding with someone your mate hates to wind your mate up. Absolutely. That's what guys do. Guys will be like, oh, no, they've got a good point, just to wind their mates up. I have – I mean, I don't want this to sound terribly bitchy, but I have a group of friends.

We get together and we're saying, who do we love? Who do we hate? And it's just a chance to like have a moan about someone and have a like, oh, and this person's really made my week. Yeah. And every now and then they'll be like, who do we love? Who do we hate? I'm like, oh, I'm hating this.

My boss at work who da-da-da-da. We'll be like, yeah, and we'll just all pile on. And you do because it feels like you're just like pumping them up. You're just saying, I support you no matter what. Who are we hating today? Right, I'll hate them too. But what do men do? Men are the same.

Really? Exactly the same. I mean, women felt stronger about it. Like that was something that they would leave a friendship over. Right? So if you were a friend of my enemy, I would maybe find it harder to still be your friend. Yeah, right. But everyone loves her.

Because they just say it makes you feel like your friendship is maximised. You're like supersizing your friendship, as you say, Vaughan, by coming together and just absolutely… Piling on. Piling on. Do you have any enemies, Fletch? Not really. Yeah.

I guess we're just such nice, friendly, likeable people. No, I think you've got to let things go. Like, Vaughn, you have it. You've got it. You don't let things go. The hate keeps me young. And he is. Whereas I'll just let things go, and that's why you don't have enemies.

You're very much like that. There's no point wasting time. I don't. I fester. Whereas if you fester, and these people just become A big They're part of your life They're a tumour Yeah Waiting to sprout

10 years down the track You're like That was that guy Well they can't be a tumour If everything's a tumour Whoa man Life is one big tumour Let it go

I won't Let it go Shivers guys 10 out of 10 podcast That one Yeah I think two of us Were 10 out of 10 podcast that one yeah I think two of us were 10 out of 10

and one of us wasn't or who was that which one we'll just leave that we'll just leave that there well if you enjoyed today's podcast give us a rating and review

please do unless it's a bad one oh yeah don't bother yeah no don't don't bother ZM's Fletch Vaughan and Hayley