ZM's Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley - Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley Podcast - 9th November 2022

Episode Date: November 8, 2022

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The ZM Podcast Network. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley. Hello, welcome to the Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley podcast. It's thanks to McCaffey, great barista made coffee on the go. Fletch needs a new show. I need a new TV show. Before we get started on this show, this podcast. I need a new television show.

You should catch, have you been paying attention? Thursday, 8th March. You're new television show. You should catch Have You Been Paying Attention? Thursday. You're on hiatus. You're on hiatus. Thursday, July 23rd, 2023. Hopefully back next year. Hopefully back next year. Yeah.

What have you just finished? So I've just finished SAS Rogue Heroes, which I absolutely recommend. Okay. It's done by the Peaky Blinders guy based on books and the actual true story of how the SAS formed in World War II. Very cool. And you famously just, can I use the term, bitched out

of Gangs of London Season 2. I like the drama and the CGI is terrible. A show with terrible CGI, really I can't get past it. Right. But just the story this season isn't that great.

I mean, maybe the story was never that great. The writing's not as good this season. It's a bit more of a mystery in season one, Gangs of London. This one's just a what's going to happen next. Yeah. I mean, I could keep going. I'm like three eps in. It's ultra violent, but the fight scenes and stuff are beautifully choreographed. Yeah, they are good.

And it's really, like, I quite like the dark, gloomy London. I completely forgot I still haven't caught up with House of the Dragon. I could watch that next. Absolutely, you could. It's great. You've got to get that done. I've got Amazon's Lord of the Rings show ready.

Yeah, I haven't watched it yet. Even though you're friends in it. You're mates in it, I know. He's a shit actor. No, I haven't watched it yet. Yeah, I haven't watched that. Even though you're friends in it. Ouch. You're mates in it, I know. He's a shit actor. No, I'm kidding, I'm kidding. Leon's great. Have you watched I May Destroy You?

Yeah, love that. Have you watched Seinfeld? Yes. Well, those are my two. Okay, you're out then, are you? I'm out. I've got no more. Have you watched all of the Seinfelds?

Not all. No, not all. Worth a binge. I love going back To a show eh Yeah I'm back in Arrested Development

At the moment So good It never grows old Because it's just Every line is a joke And so you'll always Forget jokes And then hear them again

Like they're new It's insane how a show Can be so good When every single line Is a joke I sort of want to call If I ever have a baby I kind of want to call it

Blah blah blah The blah blah blah Blah blah blah It's so funny to me. I've just started What We Do in the Shadows, the American sort of spin-off of the Taika Waititi, Jemaine Clement movie about vampires living in Staten Island. It's got one of my favourites, Matt Berry, in it,

who I just can't get enough of. From Toast of London. Toast of, Stephen Toast. Do you want a little fun fact? I'm in what we do in the shadows the new zealand film are you extra scenes in the dvd oh wait so you're not in it you're in extra so i was like an extra and i got a you know cast as an extra in the film this is like my first year out of drama school in well. And I went along and I filmed. It was great.

It was all improv. The whole script was improvised. And went in, did the scene, had an absolute blast. A few months later, I got an invite to the premiere in Wellington. I thought, here we go. This is me. I'm on the big screen. We go.

See you later, Wellington. Hollywood, here I come. And I came in and there was a guest list. And it said something about on my name. I saw it saying cut. And then I watched the film the whole time. I was like, yeah, oh, here we go. Here we go.

I'm in this bit. My scene got cut. What were you as an extra? I was a new vampire, like a teenager. Not a teenager, but like a young adult who'd just become a vampire. And I was hanging out with the cool old vampires over at the house. Oh.

Yeah, and then I was like so devastated. And then someone told me, I saw you in the extra scenes. Oh, okay. The cut scene on the DVD. Right. So I still put it as a credit on my agent's profile. Yeah, well, fair enough. What we do in the shadows.

New vampire, Haley Sproul. It's very funny. Yeah. Oh, I haven't watched the American one because we love Matt Berry. Yeah. It's got Matt Berry in it and another guy who's worked a lot with Hernando Anucci. He did like bits and pieces with him. And I didn't know her from

anything. She's Greek. She's got a Greek name and she plays a Greek vampire. Very good. That's on the list as well. Makes me laugh a lot. Especially when I was at the gym watching it and he said something about ejaculating all over the chassis.

You were mid-pull-up? I was mid-pull-up. I had to fall off the machine and just reset myself because it was so fun. I was only listening on my headphones so it's not like I blast of that across the gym. I still don't know how you do exercises at the gym while watching an iPad or even listening. It's just the best. It's just

cardio and they keep telling me you can watch Netflix on the channel. I'm like, nobody does that because you've got to log in and log out at the end so someone's not watching all your stuff. I've got the answer. I've got a BuzzFeed quiz and you do the quiz and it tells you what you should watch on Netflix.

Are you ready? Oh really? Choose an elephant. You can see this is going to be helpful. The bottom left because it's sitting on its bum. Choose a couch. You've got a blue, a yellow, a white, a green or a grey. I'm going to go the bottom middle. Yeah that does look comfy. Pasta dish. We've got a

tomato, a pesto, a vegetable, a penne. I reckon he's going bottom middle. Yeah, that does look comfy. Yeah, that does look comfy. Past the dish. We've got a tomatoey, a pestoey, a vegetabley, a penne. I reckon he's going bottom middle again. Cabanara. I'm going to go top middle. Cabanara. Pesto. Cabanara, yeah. Choose a waterfall.

I can see how they're really getting the data. Oh, yeah. I'm going to go bottom right. No, go that one. It looks like a cock and balls. Okay, go that one. It looks like cock and balls. Okay, cock and balls.

Choose a house. We've got a modern house, a Victorian house. Bottom right. More Scandinavian looking. Yeah and balls. Okay, cock and balls. Choose a house. We've got a modern house, a Victorian house. Bottom right. More Scandinavian looking. Choose a cactus. The most cock looking one I reckon he's going to go for. Yeah. Well, no, that's too chody, that middle one.

No, bottom left. Go top right. That one looks like a breast. Are you a breast man or a cock man? Go top right. A real skinny long one. That looks like three fingers. Okay, you should watch more.

Oh, my God. Wait. What? It's just said, go to the last title you watched on Netflix and then click more like this. Oh, my God. Fuck off, BuzzFeed.

Fuck off. Are they even trying anymore? I was having fun in that quiz. BuzzFeed don't give a shit anymore. Remember when BuzzFeed cared? Do you guys remember 2000 and 12 through 15 when BuzzFeed gave a shit? We just sat through what felt like 15 minutes. A well curated 25 question quiz in depth to find out what Friends character you were going to be.

Now they cared then. Chef's kiss. They cared then. Now, fuck you BuzzFeed. Fuck you BuzzFeed. Fuck you. Fuck you. Fuck you. Play ZDM's Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley.

Thank you, Sam. Good morning. Welcome to the show, Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley. Happy Wednesday. Happy Wednesday. I'm in such a good mood. Really? Yeah, I don't know why.

I had a terrible sleep. I'm just in a good mood. We'll see if we can wear you down. I had a two-hour nap yesterday and a relatively early night. Good boy. I just feel the same mundane grey blob that I was yesterday. Your spirit's dead. Yeah, he's dead behind the eyes. You might notice there's no sparkle there.

Dead eyes, yeah. I thought you maybe had some drugs. Your eyes are sort of black, black as night, you know. But that's just your soul escaped. Yep. I think so. Wow. Well, it's great.

Something for me to look forward to, I guess. Yeah. Yeah. I'm two choices away from falling back onto drugs. Yeah, well, back on, wow. Two bad choices. No, no, like a back up. Oh, yeah, right.

Not back on. I haven't been on drugs previously. Nah, I'm just, I'm just... I'm just kidding around. No, I'm actually fine. Thanks for your inquiry. Sorry, I was starting to read something else. Oh, were you? I tuned out as well, to be honest.

Do you know what? I'm going to do a tease for 8.40. Oh, okay. I reckon this is why I'm in a good mood because I had such a good night last night. I went to a cooking class. I know. I did see your stories

and your messages in the group chat and I was like, oh, this looks so much fun. I had such a good time. All right. Well, before that, around 8.30 this morning,

going to give you the chance again, thanks to American Airlines to go in the draw to get to the US of A. Which is, it's election day there today. Yeah, the midterms. Yeah, this is quite a dramatic election.

Yes. A very important one. I was watching the NBA last night and everyone was, yesterday afternoon, and everyone was wearing your vote. Vote, yeah. Vote jumpers and then every ad break was about you simply must vote. Do they have good voter turnout? Better than us.

I don't know. I don't think for the midterms it's that great. But then, you know, things like abortion and democracy on the ballot this time around. Yeah, kind of. So who knows? Things like abortion and democracy. Just crucial rights of females to decide what happens with their own body. That sort of light-hearted stuff. I know.

Right, well, yeah, 8.30 this morning, your chance to get to the US of A with democracy and abortion. Listen out for our boarding call at 8.30. Coming up, the top six. Auckland Council on a bit of a hole. Yeah, $270 million hole.

Goodness me. New Mayor, who looks a little bit like your granddad's mate that doesn't talk to the kids. Because he's too grumpy. Mate, you get that? You're like, hi, granddad. Your granddad's like, g'day, mate. You remember.

What's his name again? Wayne. Wayne? And Wayne's like, oh, I'm on head off. What? Why doesn't Wayne like us, granddad? oh, I'm on head off. What? Why doesn't Wayne like us, Green Dad? Oh, he never had green kids. He's not really.

He's not really. He's terrified of a microphone too. Put it near his face, he pulls away. He does. Oh, Jesus, what the hell is this? Witchcraft. He's going to sell some things.

So I've got the top six things you could put on Trade Me or Facebook Marketplace to make a quick 270 million bucks. Right. Is this your idea to get the council out of a hole? Sell. Sell, sell, sell.

Yeah, sell some stuff. Sell, sell, sell. Sell some assets. God, we love an old mate in power, don't we? Huge fans. I was listening to the Smart List podcast where they interviewed Joe Biden. Yeah. He's an old boy.

When you hear him talk, I was like, oh my god, you're an elderly gentleman. Yeah, yeah. I'll tell you one thing, boys. Yeah. And he got into it so young. Joe Biden, that's a very interesting listen, by the way. Yeah. Smartness. Joe Biden. Next on the show. The Museum

of Perth. Not Perth, Australia. Perth and Scotland ran a competition for a new name. Oh, Museumy Face. Yeah, Museumy Face was surely submitted. I'll tell you what won. Not my pick. Play.

ZM's Fletchvorn and Hayley. There is a place, if you don't know, I don't know why I've got a Perth accent, but in Scotland called Perth. The original Perth. Probably the original Perth. Yeah, but they didn't call it New Perth. No, no, they didn't call it Perth. Because, you know, I'm from New Plymouth and that was...

Or New South Perth. Where's Plymouth? It's what, England? Yeah, right. Plymouth on something, isn't it? Where's Zealand? It's a Dutch. It's a Dutch thing.

It's spout a little bit differently, but I think it was a Dutch-controlled island or something, wasn't it? Well, they should call Australian Perth New Perth. They should. Where's Palmerston South? Perth 2. No, it's just Palmerston. It's down south.

And the South Island is a Palmerston, and I believe Palmerston North. Right. Yeah. It's down south. And the South Island is a Palmerston. And I believe Palmerston North. Right. Yeah. It's like at high school there was two Haley's and one was called Haley and I was called Big Haley. Oh. Big Haley.

Oh. That brought back too much. That's okay, Big Haley. Why didn't they call me Tall Haley? Oh, Big Haley. The other Haley was significantly small. Anyway. Right. didn't they call me Tall Hayley? Oh, Big Hayley. The other Hayley was significantly small. Anyway. Right.

They should have just called her Little Hayley. And then you could have just been Standard Hayley. No, but she got Standard Hayley. You could have been Hayley South. She could have been Hayley North. No, I would have been Hayley North because I'm tall, right? Well, yeah, that's better. So you're something up.

Yeah. Hayley South and Hayley North. No, Big Hayley and Hayley. Anyway, so the Museum of Perth. In Scotland. In Scotland. Yeah. They ran a competition for a new name.

Lots of places do this. You may remember in 2006, sorry, 2016, there was the chance to name a boat in the UK. And that's where Boaty McBoatface started. Boaty McBoatface won by a huge margin. And then they were like, we really don't want to call it that. So they called it the RRS Sir David Attenborough. Why ask the people if you're going to do that? Don't ask if you don't want my opinion. Well, that's what my wife did with our calf.

She said to people, well, she got through the finals, and her she won, and then she just called it a hattie anyway. I was like, this isn't democracy. That's what happens with your life. Democracy manifest! That's your life all the time, though, when she asks you about, like, par-3 tiles. She doesn't give a shit what I think.

She doesn't give a goddamn. I know. She asked me something recently, and I just blank stared her, and she's like, what? I was like, you don't care. I was like, what do you mean? I've got to ask. I was like, yeah, but you don't care, so don't ask.

I mean, I don't care, but I'm going to get shit if you ask me and then not take my opinion on board. Also, don't ask. And then I give you an opinion. I give you my sort of, oh, I think this. And then be like, eh. And then get grumpy that I'm not on board with your opinion. Anyway, too close. What do you think of this art?

That's one. Because she wants to hang photos. Yeah. Paintings. Prints. What do you think of this? I'm like, I don't like it. Ah, what's wrong with you?

I don't want a 1950s roadside motel pool shot with palm trees and a Corvette on my wall. It's got absolutely no tie-in to our family whatsoever. Yeah, it's on the wall, isn't it? No, it's not. Oh, you won that one. Oh, no, I've just packed a huge shit about it.

I think you need to commission a full portrait of yourself in military regalia. I mean, you're not wrong. You're not wrong. Modern or Victorian? Victorian. Victorian. But you should do one of those ones where it's your head and then you've got a Shakespearean ruff and then your body is like a chihuahua.

Yeah. That's perfect. That'll be fun. See, that would look great on your wall. It would. The Perth Museum. Put it to the people. They had 450 submissions of different names and then they selected some,

put it back to the public and then they voted. An overwhelming 60% of people voted for Perth Museum. Guys, you have an opportunity here. What were the other options? Oh, they haven't listed all of the options. Sparkling Museum was one of them. Yeah, Kinross Victoria or something. You know, quite boring.

Oh, lame. Boring people. Was Museum Face an option? Absolutely it was. It's fantastic. Didn't get a lot of votes behind Museum Face. But they would have just overhauled it anyway and called it Perth Museum.

See, again, why ask? Why ask? Why ask? They're trying to get people, they think it'll get people involved and interested. But then there's no skin in the game. No. Well, I'm not going.

Don't ask dum-dums what to name something because they will, by definition, make it a dum-dum thing. I do the same with Aaron with outfits. I'm like, do you like this one or this one? He's like, oh, I like that. And I'm like, nah, it's this one. But did you know before you asked or was it his decision that turned you against it?

No, no, no, no, definitely not. Sometimes I feel like that's what happens to me. It's my decision that turns her against it. Right. No, no, it's not that for me. I'll already know which one I want, but I'll be like, oh. Well, why don't you ask Sade next time which one she likes and then say that one. Do you know what's worse?

What do you like out of these two or what do you think of this and i'll be like i don't like it and she's like what would you know and then she says to her mom what do you think and her mom's like i don't really see it in your house and she'll be like yeah no you've got a good call my god this is me i will this is me i will whenever we make a big decision especially especially about house or aesthetic stuff, I'm always like, Aaron, go, what do you think? I'm like, I think I'm going to call my mum. And he hates it. I hate it. I don't hate my mother-in-law. No, I love her.

But it's just like she said exactly the same thing as I did. Yeah, but once she says it, it's for real. It's validated by an actually good opinion. Yeah, but no one asks dads. But you've got sort of off and on opinions, you know, like they don't always win.

Yeah, true. They're not always right. Mum's always right. Mum's always right. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley. Well, Christchurch, look out. There has been a significant increase in vehicle thefts. Oh, shit.

So in just one week, police received 150 reports of stolen vehicles across Christchurch. What kind of vehicles? Are we talking the usuals? What are the ones that always get stolen? Your Aquas. Oh, your Demios. Yeah, your Mazda Demios.

Your Utes. Good for a steal, yep. The older generation Utes get stolen because they're already easy to break into. Your modern Utes, perhaps for a steal, yep. The older generation Utes get stolen because they're easy to break into. Your modern Utes, that's not as much. So apparently it's attributed to an increase in youth offending. The youngest, most high profile was a 14-year-old who faced 81 charges in the Christchurch Youth Court last week. 81?

What a collection of charges. Gotta catch them all. Youth charges. I'm them all. Youth charges. I'm so confused by the youth. Oh, no. Okay. Did you hear yourself? Welcome, welcome.

How am I? How am I? Welcome. Yes, you are. You're an old boomer now. No. I just mean, I thought that the youths these days weren't drinking and smoking and partying in the way that, like, I did when I was a youth. But instead, sure, they're playing their board games with their mates, but they're also out ram raiding and stealing cars.

I think, like everything, it's just becoming more polarised. There's not the middle ground cheeky youths. Spray painting a sign. Making a neat little stencil on psshh, on the side of a power box. It's like they write the C word on a power box and then drive a car through it, but the other ones are at home making arts and

crafts with glitter and glue guns. A lot of being used by gangs and stealing to order. Youths. Youths, yeah. Being enticed into gangs and stealing to order you know cars you know proving themselves

yeah if you're a youth and you're listening right now and you're thinking of joining a gang I've got a cool gang for you to join

you heard of Jesus boy that now there's a gang there's a gang leader I can get behind yeah man you know like he's got 12 tighties

yeah and just like gets around you know and just does great things. There are no youths up listening, troubled youths up listening right now. No, the youths up listening now are on their way to like swim practice or. Yeah. Or they've just come home from a ram raid.

Yes. Yes. They're probably. Good morning. Good morning to you. Good morning. They're probably tending to their wounds and their aches. Because they just drove a Toyota Aqua with,

I'm guessing, a two-star safety rating through a bollard. And they really smashed into that steering wheel. They'll be stoked to know, though, that the car they just stole gets an FM frequency. Yeah. So AA Insurance revealed in August car theft and attempted theft had increased 36.5% nationally. So get a wheel lock.

Times are tough. Get a wheel lock. Colleen, do you still rock your wheel lock after your car was stolen? I sure do. Every day you wheel lock? Every day. They look so silly. Yeah, but the time that I forgot to put it on was the time it got stolen.

Wow. I went into Super Cheap Auto the other put it on was the time it got stolen. Wow. I saw, I went into Super Cheap Auto the other day. Yeah. And I saw like a massive rack of them. I'm like, this is cute. This is like walking into a, oh, there's no music stores anymore. I was like, this is like walking into a music store and seeing a whole lot of cassettes. Yeah.

But there's no music stores anymore. No. Real groovy. There's real groovy. Does the warehouse even have a music section anymore? Yes, they do. What's in it? CDs? Are there? No, you just plug in a

USB stick and you can get MP3s. No, but like J.B. Hi-Fi still sells CDs and records and stuff. A lot of vinyl. Big vinyl. Yeah, I think Taylor Swift's latest album broke heaps of vinyl records. Did it? Well, you don't want it to break.

You don't want to leave them in your car either. Sales records, yeah. I bought Aaron for his birthday. We're big Bob Seger fans. We'll just leave that out. We'll just leave that out in the air. Bob Seger fan and, God, the youth. I just don't understand them.

Definitely not aging before your time. No. Play it. ZM's. But definitely not aging before your time. No. Play ZM's Fletchford and Hayley's. Every year, people, magazine? I suppose they were a magazine. Are they still a magazine? Are they still a magazine? Are we doing magazines?

Yeah, I think they're still a magazine. Yeah, right. But probably a bigger online presence. In that aisle in the supermarket was all the magazines the other day. And I was like, look at all the magazines. Yeah. People still magazine it. People magazine.

My mum magazines. She's always, if there's like, she loves home magazines, right? So my mum has collected magazines since the 90s and she will never throw them out. She's like a hoarder that has piles. New Zealand Home and Garden, New Zealand House and Garden. I don't know which one. She has every single issue from 1991 on. And if she's overseas, she's like, can you go pick me up

the issue? And she sends me the picture of the cover. Bless her. Anyway, so every year People magazine they name their sexiest man alive. Always a great honour. Who was our 2021 sexiest man alive? Maybe the pandemic.

No, they definitely skipped it. Paul Rudd. The ageless. The year before was Maybe the pandemic. No, they definitely did one. Paul Rudd. Paul the angelus. The angelus. Timelessly sexy. Yeah. Yeah, before was, of course, Michael B. Jordan. Hot.

There's a hot. Let's go pre-pandemic. Who was keeping it tight? John Legend. He's got a baby face. He does have a baby face. He does have a baby face. He does have a baby face.

He does. He does have a baby face. Well does have a baby face. He does have a baby face. He does have a baby face. He does. He's got a baby, baby face. Well, this year it is Chris Parker. No, Chris Evans. Chris Evans. Captain America. Captain America. Now, is this no coincidence that he's the sexiest man alive

after he accidentally leaked the screenshot of his gallery? Do you remember that? Oh, yes. He had his big old Captain America wang out, didn't he? He did indeed. How do you tuck that into the suit? But for me, you know my type. He's too clean.

This is Reddy Salted winning chip of the year, isn't it? He's Reddy Salted in that bus. This is exactly what this is. In the last Avengers movie, what about when he had the beard and the longer hair and he was a bit gruff looking. This is what I was going to say. For me, I look at him and I'm like, too clean, too white. He is Reddy Salted.

God damn it. He is Reddy Salted. I think he's a very attractive man, but you're right. He's all American Reddy Salted. They've gruffed him up a bit. Yeah, they have. He's still Reddy Salted. Why is it that men

When they have the furrowed brow Look so hot You know like with women Go like this And everyone's like Smile love What are you squinting for Relax your face

Whereas like men When they do a sexy face They've always got a big frown line In the middle Is it because it's the face Of a hard working man Yeah do you know what that's Like working out in the sun

With his hands. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And he's squinting and yeah. Because he's wearing a filthy t-shirt. Like he's been out on the farm. But again, you're just dressing up really salted there, aren't you? You've put dip on it. Yeah, you've put a bit of onion dip on your really salted chip.

I'm not saying he's not attractive. Of course he is. But he's not attractive. Of course he is. Who would you like to see as this year's Hayley's People sexiest man? Oh, Jason Momoa. Yeah, has he won it? I don't know. He's won some sexiest man thing, but

maybe it's not People's Magazine's sexiest man. Nah. Oh my God. Sorry, I've just photos have come up. Jesus take the wheel. That's he's never. Oh, my God. Sorry, just photos have come up. Jesus. Take the wheel. Oh, yeah. That's his Aquaman.

How has he not graced the cover? Especially. He's a beast. Even when he's like thick, you know, when he's not rocking a full Aquaman bod. Yeah, when he's not been working out for a role. Even better. I agree. Yeah, the cake.

Look at how worn up she is. Jesus. I'm going to burrow my face in it. One step closer to it. And his arse. Yeah. I don't know, man. I don't care. I don't even care.

Okay, let's move on. Play ZM's Fletch Vordernaley. Play ZM. From the sophisticated ZM Think Tank, Hello, Deputy Mayor of Auckland who said the council will go line by line through its assets to try to fill its $270 million shortfall. Yeah, right, because sell some things. And that's, by the way, that's not even with the blow out of the city rail loop. That bill's coming.

Deal with that when it arrives. It's like, you know, your Renaults. It's after pay. How everything's gone up. Yeah. It's like that, but on a massive scale. Yeah, yeah. Slightly bigger than my small extension.

I told them all along they should have gone for a monorail. I know you love a monorail. Monorail. And song. Monorail, monorail, monorail. What's a monorail? That's sort of out and about. Do you remember Sydney used to have one?

They were like... And what did they do with it? They took it down, but didn't they sell it to someone? I think they might have sold it to someone. Yeah, they took it down, though. Picked up the tracks. They've got trams now. Or light rail. So it's just... Yeah, they took it down though. Picked up the tracks. They've got trams now or light rail.

So it's just, yeah, monorail's just a train that goes on one rail. It like sits on top of the rail. And it is probably the best Simpsons episode too. Oh, it's such a good episode.

Such a classic episode. So they're looking at things that can be sold and way to, you know, fill this massive hole. Well, call me, a council consultant, pay me $100,000

per idea, by the way. Yeah. So this is a. Well, call me a council consultant. Pay me $100,000 per idea, by the way. Yeah. So this is a $600,000 segment, which takes your debt up to $3.3 million. Okay, so it's costing the council to have you as a... Yep, you better pay them off. Right. Liquidly split.

With my top six ways to pay off $270 million debt. Number six on the list. Start charging people to use the Harbour Bridge. What's the alternative? Taking the bus or the ferry? Oh no, people will hesitate public transport. Win, win, win, win, win. Put a toll on it.

The best part about it is, I don't go over the bridge, so I go around. You would be the first person to bitch about that if you had to drive over it. Yeah. So I wouldn't. Take the back way. Yeah, take the back way.

Get them out of there. People come over there. Try some of the money. What's this for? Maintenance. Yay. Number five on the list of the top six ways

to pay off this $270 million debt. Let companies sponsor the likes of the Harbour Bridge or like beaches or stuff. Who cares? Yes. Who cares?

Vodafone Harbour Bridge. Yeah, the Vodafone Harbour Bridge or like Fonterra Mission Bay. Like, who cares? Let's get some money coming in. Yeah, right. Let's get some money. Let's let them name things.

Let's let them name schools. Tip Top Takapuna. Yeah, Tip Top Takapuna Beach. Yeah, right. Beautiful. Okay. Why not? What does it matter what the name is?

The name can still be in there. Yeah, right. But it's just going to have a corporate sponsor on the front. Okay. Why not? What does it matter what the name is? The name can still be in there. Yeah, right. But it's just going to have a corporate sponsor on the front. Okay. Let's pass some debts. Number four on the list of the top six ways to pay off this $270 million debt. They should let you catch the fish at Kelly Tartan's. Drop a line.

Then there will be no more fish left. No, they breed it up. Do you? Rapid range. Yeah. Have you seen the ocean? That's chock. I mean, surely just open the gate and let more in, right?

Yeah. Yeah, to the aquarium. You make it a one-way gate so the ones can't get out. Yeah, yeah. Trap them. Yeah. And, yeah, or fight them. Get in there and do it.

Okay. Number three on the list of the top six ways to pay off this $270 million debt. Let a billionaire buy the Auckland Museum and live in it. That thing's got big Batman energy or supervillain energy. Either way, they'll pay their bloody rates and we'll sell it for a lot of money. Yeah. Great idea. Yeah.

Did they get the T-Rex in there? They get the T-Rex. Oh, fantastic. Perfect. Unfortunately, the person that owns the T-Rex will just be like, we lost it. Number two on the list of the top six ways to pay off this $270 million debt. $20 a pop to drive the roller coaster at Rainbow's End.

But you already paid to get in. Yeah. Is it further $20 to get to drive it? I don't mean sitting at the front. I mean actually like going. Oh, yeah. I really don't think the public should be allowed. $25 that you're allowed to stop at mid-Corks Road. Yes.

And then hear everyone go, ah! And then be like, and away you go again. think the public should be allowed. $25 that you're allowed to stop at mid-Corkscrew. Mid-Corkscrew, yes. And then hear everyone go, ahhh. And then be like, and away you go again. Gotcha. And number one on the list of the top six ways to pay off $270 million debt, just change the name of the city and pretend we never spent the money in the first place. And then, I don't know, who do we owe the money to? Adopt a new identity. Yeah, the World Bank,

the Chinese loaning facilities. I don't know. Where they come in, they're like, money, and you're like, sorry, I've got no idea what you're talking about. We're New Frankenstein. New Frankenstein. Welcome to the city of New Frankenstein. Right. This isn't Auckland.

We don't know what you're talking about. No, no, no. You're confused. Auckland moved out of here ages ago. Or what if we call ourselves Christchurch and then they have to pay? Why don't we just change our address for the bill to Christchurch? Yeah. And they'll get it.

And then the debt collectors will go down there. They'll just get the bill and be like, it must have been us. Great idea. Great idea. And pay the bill. We should be on the council. You've nailed this. Easy. Vote for us, 2023.

Wait, next year? Yep. Seems like a quick turnaround, but it could totally happen. That is today's Top 6. Play. ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley. Now I don't... I know I promised I would, but I... Oh my god, Vaughan.

You made a promise to the nation. Yep, here we go. Somebody's changed your laptop thing. It doesn't say born. It doesn't say born. It doesn't say. It doesn't. I'm going to have to find it on here.

I'm not saying a word until we have it. We can wait in silence. We can wait. He's good like that He's quick with his fingers Always forget about this song When we go to karaoke Because you've got

Yeah you could do it I don't know if you could I don't think you could Oh we simply must karaoke Maybe after Friday Jamesams Live this weekend. On a Sunday night. I don't know what karaoke bars are open on a Sunday night. So, the reference here is Crash Test Dummies.

That's right, the band. Of course. They're one and only hit. They are coming to Friday Jams Live. No, they're not. You can't promise that. No, they're not. However, Crash test dummies,

the actual dummies that are used to test crashes, have always been based on an average male body. Right. So, you know, it's just your general sort of mannequin. Neutral, no crotch, no face, nothing much to them, but male-based. Now, researchers in Sweden were like, well, hang on. Women get so much more injured in car crashes than men. Boobies.

Not the boobies, weak necks. Weak necks? Oh, no. Weak necks? Weak necks? Apparently, one of the huge differences between men and women in crashes is the amount of whiplash injury from low-severity crashes. So your rear endings.

They're saying you should maybe drive in a neck brace. So what they've come up with is instead of a seatbelt, you click your neck to a brace. No, what they've done is they've finally, well, they're almost done, is they've created a model that better reflects a woman's physiological characteristics, which can result in dramatically different outcomes in the event of an auto accident. Right, so when they're testing the car's safety. They've been doing it just on these male...

Oh, of course they have. And, you know, they're all weighted and everything, these crash test dummies. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. It's so good. If you've never heard this song before, you simply must look it up later.

It's one of the greatest songs of all time. It's literally cool. That's what it's called. Anyway. I'd explain it. It always just got there. Here's the chorus.

You got it. You got it. Anyway, this is great. Since the 60s, they said they've known that women have higher risk Of whiplash injuries Than men Right Higher severity crashes

Women are often involved in Yeah Terrible drivers I mean Correlation isn't causation Of course I mean come on Higher risk of severe injuries

Wow As drivers in frontal impacts So now They'll actually be able To properly test cars. That's because they all drive cute little cars, don't they? Like brum brum, meep meep. Meep meep.

I got a Cooper. I drive a Volkswagen Beetle. Meep meep. Meep meep. Look at me, I'm Austin Powers. Just joking. Let the song play out. I forgot this choir bit.

Oh, it's beautiful. Just joking. Let the song play out. I forgot this choir bit. Oh, it's beautiful. Wow, he just didn't sing for a while, did he? He went full instrumental in the middle of his own song. Lazy. Isn't it a pick up a bit? No, it's got seven seconds left. Oh. A slow fade. It's a slow fade seconds left. A slow fade.

It's a slow fade. Classic 90s slow fade. ZM's Fletchvorn and Hayley. Last year, it was my birthday in lockdown. And so we couldn't really get each other great gifts. This was good at online shop. But I said to Aaron that I wanted an experience for my gift. Right.

And he said, what about some cooking classes? Oh, jeez. I tipped him off a fine line, didn't I? On the cuisine I'm not so familiar with, but that I love to eat, Asian cooking. Okay, good. So he was like, you could do some. You've never made a stir fry before? Yeah, but. I know that you love a bloody flavour sack.

You get a jar of stir fry sauce, do you? A flavour, a sachet of goop. Yeah, goop sack of sauce. Yeah. And I was like, this is a great idea. And he found this school in Auckland that does these different classes. And I was like, this is a great idea. And he found this school in Auckland that does these different classes. And I was like, this is fantastic. I got three classes and I went in recently and I was like, oh, my God,

the year's passed and this is about to expire. So I emailed them saying, like, can I have a little extension? And they gave it to me and I booked these classes. I booked Vietnamese. Yeah. And you can take three courses in Vietnamese. I chose one. Like there's three options per cuisine. Yeah. And you can take three courses in Vietnamese. I chose one. Like there's three options per cuisine.

Right. I took Taste of Hanoi last night. Yeah, good. And then I've got Indian. Oh, no, next week is Japanese, Osaka favourites. And then I think I'm doing Indian street food. Right, okay. So last night was Vietnamese.

It was my first one. What I didn't realise was that typically people would go together, like a fun night out. Oh, so you've just got a single voucher? Yeah, so I was the only single person there. I kind of walked in, I was a bit nervous, you know, when you're like, what am I doing? And I don't have a friend to kind of chat with and whatnot. But you don't strike me as someone that would have walked out and not done it because you're alone. No, no, no. And I really wanted to learn

like the recipes were amazing. And I was like, yeah, I want to learn how to make that. And then I got there and I walked in and I felt a bit nervous and sort of silly like I was like about to go to a dance class for the first time. And I walked in and there was like couples there, like a couple of couples and there were heaps of people there with their mum.

Oh, please. I know. Yeah, my mum would be like, is there any spice in this? Oh, no, don't put that in, that'll be hot. There was definitely the moment of shame where the woman was telling us about how to chop the chilli and she was like, anyone not good with spice?

And there was one woman who put up her hand. I was like, of course you're not. Yeah, bless you. White middle-aged woman. Anyway, so yeah, I kind of got over my nerves and they had a little bar there and I bought a little Sauvignon Blanc. Okay, a little wine.

In Amherst Field, actually. It was really nice wine. Oh, lovely. Yeah, it was ooh-la-la. That's been nice. And then I went and the woman introduced me. It's called Saatchi's Kitchen, I think. Saatchi's Kitchen.

And the woman introduced me and she was like, I'm Saatchi. And I was like, oh my God, I'm with Saatchi. This is your kitchen. And she said, you're going to be up the woman introduced me and she's like I'm Saatchi and I was like oh my god I'm with Saatchi this is your kitchen and she said you're gonna be up the front with me so there were all these double benches for pairs because I was a single I was on the sort of that's the best that means you don't have to do anything the teacher's gonna do no no no no no because she did the demonstration at the bench and then she basically sends you off in stages right so the first thing we made

was like fresh Vietnamese rolls like summer rolls yum and then she showed us how to first you had to marinate your chicken

for the second dish which was like a char grilled sort of chicken yum with bok choy and

so you I'm not I'm not here for bok choy it's stringy I always choke on it It always gets halfway down We'll give it a chew Oh yeah I know what you mean

When you're like It's very fibrous And you're like So marinate the chicken And then And then I was drinking wine And I was having a bloody good time And then you know me

I was putting up the feelers For who wanted to have a little chat Yeah Like who wanted to be mates And then they'd do Like Sachi would do the demonstration and then send you off and made your rolls

my rolls were a bit loose I'll admit it you got a loose roll I got a loose did you get a wet finger isn't the key to a tight roll a wet finger on the rice because then you don't stick

yeah right because you know you get them from a you get them from a cabinet at a shop and they're tight there's a place right next to work where I roll

a tight summer roll. Whereas you come in with your flappy. Flappy floppies. Your flappy log. Did you overpack it? Like famously, I'll overpack every wrap I ever make. No, and she said, she said, don't be, she says, not a burrito. Oh, okay.

Not a burrito. Don't overpack it. It was prawn. Yum. And yeah, I stuffed up a bit. It was a bit floppy whoppy. But then I made like the nook maam dipping sauce. That's easy to make.

And how good is it? Yeah. So then I was on fire. Being in the maze is so yum. I know. And then you came back and then she taught you how to cook like a Chinese pork sausage and prawn fried rice steamed in lotus leaf. I can make this now.

I can make this now. And then you fried off your chicken and it got all sticky, you know, like sticky Vietnamese spicy sticky sweet chicken. Yeah. How long did this take? This feels like it would have taken a long time. I was there at 6.30 and I left at 9. Okay.

So like two and a half hours. Had a couple of wines. Because I've done a dumpling one before, making dumplings from scratch. It was so much fun. It was genuinely, there was this moment where like we went round and we said why we were there. Oh no. I don't like.

Well, I don't know it wasn't why we were there. I don't like that. I loved it. And then I met people, this was while my mum and, you know, we went to Vietnam and there was a couple there or we went backpacking through all of Southeast Asia in the 80s and we just liked it. I was like, go you.

And I just felt so connected. You know all this is on YouTube, right? Yeah, as they say, YouTube. If it's stories you want, everybody's recipes got some god long story at the start of it about how their uncle used to bring these to a picnic. No, but I could go on the internet

and search for hours and hours and hours and hours and hours and there's like a trillion Vietnamese recipes but here it was like simple, got to do it

and then you sit down at the end all together around a dining table and you eat it and you share shared experiences with strangers.

I loved it. So what's next week? Next week I'm doing Japan, Osaka favourites. I'm making, is it, what's it, tataki? Tataki. The beef.

You know, like the kind of raw beef. Yeah, kind of raw egg beef. No, no, no, not tata. Not tata. You know, beef. Yeah, tataki, I know what it is. My wife famously ordered it and then it turned up and she was like, oh no, I did not know what this was.

Very rare. Yeah, very rare. And I'm making my favourite akidashi tofu. That's my favourite Japanese dish of all time. I'm so excited. I love this. Night classes. Night classes. I, very rare. And I'm making my favourite akadashi tofu. That's my favourite Japanese dish of all time. I'm so excited. I love this. Night classes. Night classes.

I just felt cool. It was dark and rainy when I left and I had my little takeaway container and I went home and I fed my man's Vietnamese in bed.

You took your floppy roll into bed. Don't take your floppy roll into bed. Let alone your nukmah dipping sauce. You don't want to get that on the sheets.

Yeah, yeah. He did. He had make a floppy roll into bed. Let alone my dipping sauce. You don't want to get that on the sheets. He did. He had a little floppy dip. Play ZM's Fletchford and Ailey. Play ZM's. Fact of the day, day, day, day, day. Today's fact of the day is that global warming means that by the year 2100, which doesn't roll off the tongue very well. No.

2100, also worse. I doubt we'll be alive to care about the rolling off the tongue of that. 2,102. No, see, that doesn't sound right. Yeah, 2,102. 2,102. That's the time. Yeah.

Look, this is my children's, children's, children's generation's problem. Certainly not mine. Is that global warming by the year 2100 will increase global rainbow occurrence by approximately 4-5%. Well, that's a good thing. Now, who's to blame for this? The gays? The gays! And their agenda!

Finally, they've got what they wanted. More rainbows. More rainbows. That was what they were fighting for, eh? Yeah, I believe so. More rainbows. Yeah, more rainbows. Do you know rainbows are an automatic mood booster?

It makes sense. I love seeing a rainbow. I love seeing a rainbow. Same. More rainbows. Yeah, more rainbows. Do you know rainbows are an automatic mood booster? It makes sense. I love seeing a rainbow. I love seeing a rainbow. Same. A full rainbow. Same. That's like a part rainbow. I'm like, ooh, part of a rainbow.

But then if you see a full rainbow, you're like, oh my God. Or a double rainbow. Tiny, but I can't handle it. All the way across the sky. Yeah. I've got a great photo of a rainbow, actually. I saw it recently in my photos. Rainbows will increase 4% to 5% by 2100

because of what? Global warming, there'll be more moisture, more rain? Correct. Oh, great. That's the reason why. Oh, look, here's my rainbow picture. Look, that's a pretty good rainbow. I have it in my house.

Oh, that is a good rainbow. That's a good photo. Is it a double rainbow? Yeah, it's a double rainbow. A bit of a gay haven. A safe hub for the gays at your house. My house is a safe haven for the gays. I had no idea.

Anytime you just need to go. That'll explain the, oh, I can't say it. Come on. Oh, no, I'd be very interested to hear. No, I simply will not proceed with that hearing what you're going to say. That'll explain the very interesting, I look forward to that off-air conversation. I was about to make a very inappropriate joke and I stomped myself. It's a good time of the day.

That's great. Climate change will alter rainbow distribution by changing rainfall and cloud cover. More water in the atmosphere means more clouds. More clouds means more rain. Rain means rainbows. Because it's when you're stuck between the sun and some rain, basically. And there's months where, because the sun has to be at a certain angle to create a rainbow,

and it's why we get more rainbows in spring and autumn. Okay. But yeah, and different places, high latitude and high elevation areas will likely gain more rainbows. Well, I mean, I guess that's a silver lining when global warming's lapping., I mean, don't you sense a silver lining when global warming's lapping? We need them, don't we? You know, the oceans,

all the polar caps have melted. The oceans have gone up two metres. At least we'll see a rainbow and be happy for a moment. Yeah, we've got to have it. Also, it may mean the increase of mirages, not the Mitsubishi mirage. Oh, like this?

When you see it yeah yeah yeah the shimmering the shimmering um and uh also oh no no

oh what and also um perhaps the increase of coronaviruses oh great

I thought I thought this was gonna be fun yeah oh well oh well I mean more rainbows, though. At least we'll be happy momentarily while we're killing the planet.

That's pretty cool. And do you know if there's a rainbow on the ground and you're flying in the sky, you can't see it? What if you're six miles high? You can't see it. What? If there's a rainbow in the sky six miles high, what does that mean? That's a song and I can't quite put my finger on it.

Doesn't it mean that the tiny titties are making a bacon shaking? Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. It's an advertising jingle for the tiny titties. Delicious, yummy little chocolate-covered tiny titties. So today's fact of the day is, due to global warming by the year 2100, 4% to 5% more rainbows. Fact of the day, day, day, day, day.

Yeah. A McDonald's worker has shared on the talk how she knows what you look like based on your order. So she'll work at the drive-thru, right? And she'll go, hi, welcome to McDonald's. Can I take your order, please? When you order, she then knows exactly what you're going to look like. There's a type. And the other way around.

Right. So if she sees you, if she's at the counter and she sees you coming. She'd know what you're going to order before you order. I know what you're going to order. Could you just look at me and tell I've got big quarter pounder energy? Big quarter pounder energy. You're big. Double cheeseburger energy.

Yeah. Quarter pounder energy. I'm a single cheeseburger. But also, remember, he's trash, so he'd probably get like a slushie with mixed raspberry and Coke. You're a Filet-O-Fish trash. I know. And I wouldn't look at you and think you're a Filet-O-Fish trash,

to be honest. Thank you. Well, she said, so... Well, so you've got big, you're just Big Mac. You're just a plain Big Mac energy. What's wrong with that? That's their signature burger. Really?

I think he looks like a Nuggy Boy. He's really like a Nuggy Boy. Okay, so she said, I work at McDonald's, and this is what people typically look like who order these things. Okay. Don't be offended. This is going to say, I was about to say, this already sounds offensive. She kept saying, don't be offended in the nicest way possible.

People that order a Big Mac, fan fave. Yeah. A middle-aged man. Okay. Yeah. A middle-aged man. Okay. Thank you. Middle-aged man. Would you say you're middle-aged? Yeah, I'm accepting middle-aged now.

It depends when are you expecting to die. Okay, so you're middle-aged. You're so young. Nah. How old's Cher? 76. Yeah. Would you look at her in below?

She's on death's door. Also, she's also Cher's life. Ally, I love that you know her age. Exactly. Yeah. Would you look at her and be like, she's on death's door? No, but she's also, she is like. Ally, I love that you know her age. Exactly. Exactly. Well, only because of the news this week that she's dating a 36-year-old, 40 years her junior. Yeah, hot.

Yeah. Hot. Yeah. But she's the exception to the rule when it comes to ageing, and she's also a woman. Women live longer than men. You look at 76-year-old men like the Auckland mayor or Biden or Trump, they all could just go any moment,

couldn't they? Yeah. With time bombs. Fletch, you said that you're a quarter pounder man. Yeah. I've never had one. You simply must. I simply will.

Yeah, you simply must. They're middle-aged women. Are you kidding me? Yeah. The quarter pounder is a middle-aged woman burger. Yeah, because... No. No, I shouldn't do a Big Mac.

I don't need two patties. This is... Do you know what's great is she's literally gone Big Mac, quarter pounder, filet-o-fish in our order. Oh, brilliant.

Big Mac, quarter pounder, filet-o-fish, she says. Whenever she has to serve some of the fast food chains, seafood option Elderly couple Because it's light Because it's light

Buns light Buns light Yeah Nice and fresh So you are an elderly woman Yeah Okay Anyone who orders something without a bun

Lifestyle blogger Okay Yeah But maybe someone who's slightly older. A bit of money behind them. If you order something without a bun which is pure madness in my opinion. Yeah. What do they give it to you in? Just the box? Yeah, they give you

a box of lettuce and cheese and stuff on it. Do they really? Yeah, I remember They don't even wrap it in a little bit because they shred all their lettuce of course. Yeah, yeah. When I was keto and I was like I'm craving. Yeah. I would order wouldn't have a whole lettuce leaf. When I was keto and I was like, I'm craving, I would order like a cheeseburger and it just comes with a patty,

the cheese on top, the pickle. I would eat it. You are embarrassing. It was real sad. It was sad. I'm so glad to have carbs back in my life. Yeah. Anyway, everyone was having a good old laugh at it.

A lot of people were saying in the comments, justice for the Filet-O-Fish. Yeah. No justice for that. Yeah, the people that were typing people were saying in the comments, justice for the Filet-O-Fish. Yeah. No justice for the Filet-O-Fish. The people that were typing it were all in caps. And they were old. It took them 20 minutes to type it. Glasses on the tip of their nose.

Their profile picture is like 90 degrees off. And it's of their grandkids. They didn't realise they'd taken it. It's got all those filters. Anyway, I thought we could ask our hospo or our retail workers listening. Oh, yeah.

Can you tell what someone's going to buy and how? How do you tell? Your workplace stereotypes. Yeah, yeah. Based on what someone orders. Because if you work at a coffee shop, this would be one. And Lulu Lemon with her bloody Pomeranian walks in.

She's not going to want standard milk. No, she's going, oh, probably something with a Chino in it or an ice. An iced Americano. Whereas a big burly bloke like me walks up. Burly? I don't look like a mochaccino drinker, do I? Have you given yourself the title of big burly bloke? Triple B over here.

I don't know that that was passed on to you. Do you remember many, and we've spoken about this many times, former All Black Captain? Kieran Reid. Kieran Reid. He doesn't look like a mocker drinker, does he? No. But he loves a mocker.

Do you know what? You can tell a gaggle of women and they're going to order a round of espresso martinis. Yes. Absolutely. Okay, so maybe in the last couple of months, a Negroni Spagliato. Absolutely. Oh, yes. All right, well, we want to take your calls now.

0800 DALS at M. You can text as well, 9696. We want to know your work stereotypes. Can you tell what someone is going to buy, and how do you tell? Four days away from Friday Jams Live, it's a Sunday, Western Springs. Ticketmaster for tickets, Macklemore headlining.

Oh, yeah. Right now a Sunday, Western Springs. Ticketmaster for tickets. Macklemore headlining. Oh yeah. Right now though, talking about the times when you're at work. Maybe there's probably more for retail workers. Service industries. Yeah. Sort of hospo maybe. How you can tell what someone's going to order or buy. Yeah. The service they're going to want from you. And how

do you know? This McDonald's worker has gone viral on TikTok because she says you can tell. Yeah. So if you pull up to the drive-thru and you say,

I want a filet-o-fish, she knows probably what you're going to look like. Somebody has backed that up on the text machine as well. Someone said, yeah, they worked at Macca's for two years,

McCafe's for two and now work in marketing for a fast food company and I swear after a while it just becomes like an instinct. Yeah. You just pick up what people... I feel like I would have

a good instinct for this. You can tell a panini lady from a mile away. Oh, can you not? You know what I mean? Yes. And you get your surprises every now and then, but...

As somebody messaged in, I work in a cafe. The minute an old lady walks in, I can tell you it's going to be a large cappuccino with cinnamon and don't you dare suggest sugar. And quite hot. Make it hot. Extra hot. My mum is a shocker

for this. She'll be like, and she's like, and can you make sure that's extra hot? I'm like, mum, you don't need to say it. It's going to be hot. You're going to burn the coffee. Do it in a charming manner. Don't be like, and extra hot, please. Do it something like, and make it lava. Kaylana, good morning.

Hey, how's it going? Good. Now, in your line of work, what can you tell from a customer? I actually work in a vet clinic, and you can definitely predict what kind of animals people are going to have based on what they look like. Yeah, right. Okay.

Yeah, totally. So you think there's something to the saying of people start to look like their pets? They do. And pets start to look like their pets? They do. And they start, like, pets start to act like their owners. So you get, like, super anxious animals and then you meet their owners. Oh, I don't have an anxious cat. Kaylana, I've got an anxious cat and I've got anxiety and I know that I've done it to him. Me too.

My cat is on anxiety medication. Yeah. Oh, we should chat. Yeah, we should chat. Kaylana, what are British short-haired cat owners like? They're definitely like some middle-aged couple probably. That's me. I'm really into breeding.

That's me. Although I did save my cat from a breeder. No, you didn't. No, you didn't. Oh, you saved them? Yeah, I saved them. I paid the breeder to release the cat. It was like a hostage negotiation. Oh, you saved them? Yeah, I saved them. I paid the breeder to release the cat. It was like a hostage negotiation.

Oh, you're so kind. Thank you, thank you. Now the cat's free. What about chihuahuas? Oh, no. That's going to be like a young lady in her 20s who thinks that her chihuahua is her child. It's her baby.

It's her baby. Yeah, and she says things like fur baby. Yeah. Oh, yeah, totally. Like tiny son or something like that. What have you got? You've got a golden retriever, Vaughan? Yeah, I've got a...

Yes! That totally worked for you, yep. The golden retriever energy. What about... Because I'm a white middle-class male with a lifestyle block and a family. Yeah. I mean, what other dog could I possibly have?

What about people that have, what's your first dog? A Labradoodle? A Cavoodle. A Cavoodle. Because those are quite popular. Yeah. No, that's also going to be like a middle-aged couple that have just gotten married, just bought their first home.

They don't want it to shed too much. Probably bought it for like $5,000. I tell you what, I should have bought a couple and bred them because they're worth a fortune. They were worth bloody chump change when I got it. Really? Mind you, I get mine from a puppy factory. Kaylana, it is so interesting.

Thank you so much for sharing. Shannon, good morning. Good morning. Now, you work at an ice cream shop. More or less, yep. Okay. Wait, what do you mean more or less? Well, I might not have an ice cream shop. More or less, yeah. Okay. Wait, what do you mean more or less? Well, I might have an ice cream section.

It's a dairy, but it sells the best and biggest ice creams in the country. Let's put it out there where it is then, because I love knowing about the local over-scoopers. Same, where are you? All right. Well, shout out to Matapoti Dairy up in Northland. Yes. Matapoti.

Okay, all right. We're going to need a GPS pin drop on that one, becauseoti Dairy up in Northland. Yes. Matapoti. Okay, all right. We're going to need a GPS pin drop on that one because I'm heading up there this summer. Shannon, we walk in. What do you think we're ordering from you? It depends on how you walk in. It depends on what... Give me a look.

Okay, I'm walking in and I'm clearly hungover and I'm on a binge. Probably a rum and raisin. Yes. Hair of the dog. I don't think there's any rum in there, Hayley. They usually go for the pies, though. Yeah, straight to the heater. So what are some ice cream ordering stereotypes that you deal with?

Obviously the kids go straight for the rainbow, even though it doesn't taste great. What is the rainbow taste? Because my youngest daughter's a rainbower. She'll go for a rainbow just for the colours. There is no, I cannot describe it. It's like bubble gum. Yeah. So it's just colours basically.

Goody Goody Gumdrops is the like 30 year old males that think they're too cool to say Goody Goody. No I say Oh yeah yeah I'll give the Gumdrop one.

Oh really? No I say I will give it its full name Shannon I will say Goody Goody Gumdrops and I'm not ashamed that's one of my favourite.

Goody Goody Gumdrops didn't serve its time in the military to not get its rank used. Goody Goody Gumdrops and I'm not ashamed. That's one of my favourites. Goody Goody Gumdrops didn't serve its time in the military to not get its rank used. Goody Goody Gumdrops. I say Goody Goody Gumdrops when I order mine. Right. What is a 20s female order, Shannon? They'll say, oh, do you have sorbet?

Hey! How embarrassing. God, Gen Zs are the worst They are the worst I'm going to come to Is it the Matapote Bay store? That's the one Shannon thank you so much Let's go to Connor

Just a side note before summer Before we finish for the end We should do a definitive map to the biggest ice creams in New Zealand Great idea Let's put that in the calendar Connor you worked at the ski rental shop map to the biggest ice creams in New Zealand. Oh, great idea. Great idea. Totally. Let's put that in the calendar. Connor, you worked at the ski rental shop. Yeah, I did.

So anytime we were, so you always came to the booths first if you were renting equipment. Yep. And anytime someone was walking in, obviously if we were super busy we didn't play, but as someone was walking in we would guess skier or snowboarder. Oh, okay.

There is such a distinct energy, isn't there? Yes, yeah, the energy. And often it was the people without the helmets that were the skiers. Yeah, right. Oh, now you've got to wear a helmet. Yeah, you should regardless. Well, you should be wearing a helmet, but snowboarders do wear helmets less than skiers.

Skiers have all the safety gear. Right. Okay. No, we actually found it was the skiers that wore the helmets less. Skiers wore helmets less? Oh, because old mates are like, I didn't wear a bloody helmet

when I used to ski a triple cone in the 60s. Yep, exactly. And also, I think people are more aware about if you catch an edge on a snowboard and you fall backwards, you slam your head. Oh, really? Catch an edge. And you'd be pretty good at guessing then?

Yeah, so we would tally them up at the end of the day, and any time I was in the Boots Department, I was undefeated. Yeah. He knows, he knows. God, I love retail. I'd always play games. Yeah, it passes the time, doesn't it? Connor, thank you for sharing.

Some more messages in. I worked at a pizza place and I tried to guess the customer's name before they said it. I got really good at it and convinced my co-workers I was psychic so I could know from their order before they said their name.

I'd look at them and be like, this will be Steve. Yeah. This is an Emma pizza. This is the Steve that's here for the pizza. Steve ordered the Hawaiian and this guy's got big Hawaiian energy. A few other vet nurses saying the same things about owners of pets. You can kind of pick the, if you arrive at a shift and the pet's already there,

you can know what the owner's going to be like before they get there. Right. And someone else said, oh, my God, that was very confronting. I'm a chihuahua mother. Yeah. And I bet you're wearing your beautiful warm Ugg boots this morning on this rainy day. Yes, of course you should be. What is happening?

Do you remember the theme tune? Food in a minute. Oh, I love food in a minute. I would miss food in a minute. Food in a Minute. Oh, I love Food in a Minute. I love this Food in a Minute. Food in a Minute used to be a one-minute long ad at 5.59 right before the news. Was it between the 5.30 show and the news, or was it in the last ad break of the 5 o'clock show? I think it was in the last ad break. Wasn't it one minute to six?

Or in that ad break? I can't remember. It was around there anyway. It was around then. And it would play every single day. Yeah. Four years. It's a Waddy's thing.

Allison Goffton. Yeah, they've got food. They've sold their website. It's so great. Yeah, we talked to Allison Goffton. Was it 25 years of Food in a Minute or something? Yeah. Oh, you're saying 25 years ago.

I was like, oh, gosh. Not 25 years ago. Well, it, oh, God. Not 25 years ago. Well, it was over that since it started. Wow. But one of the classic recipes was a pom-pom topped cottage pie. Like, it was on all the time. It was their most popular recipe, as I recall, talking to Alison Goffner. But then, I don't know, what inspired Sade, who I am married to, my wife.

Yeah. Every time I say my wife now, all I hear is that. To make it for the girls last night. So basically like a mincey. Mince and veggies and sauce and stuff in the bottom. And then you just, instead of like making mashed potato and putting it on top, you just get those little potato pom-poms and you go pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop. Yeah, yum.

Pop them all on top. Do you put cheese on top of that? Of course. You've got to bind those potato balls together. Yes. This, like, grabbed me yesterday when I saw this on Sade's social meds. It was a blast from the past. I know, it really was.

My mum never made this. We just had your classic mash on top. Yeah. Well, famously, this was the dish I made for my granddad when I was staying at my grandparents' one school holidays when my parents had gone overseas without us. Yep. And my granddad, very traditional man, said, I don't like it.

He would have been. It's just crunchy potato. The dude would have been late 60s, early 70s, and he looked at my 12-year-old face and he was like, I don't like it. Like, who says that? Who does that? And my nana at the time was just like, that is so rude.

And then she was like, it's my fault. I spoil him. And he gets the same thing for dinner every night. And then she went and made him like a three-veg, like, rather than just being like, eat it or go hungry. Wow. Which is what my mother would do. Yeah.

To my father. But also, I can never imagine my father looking at my daughters in the face and being like, I don't like it. This is a traumatic dish for me. Oh, babe. Yes, it always comes up.

Oh God, cut to a break. Cut to a break. No, no, no. Also, what if you're growing up thinking that you were good at making this dish when you in fact weren't?

Maybe you're not good at making this. No, but he didn't even taste it. He didn't even like give it a go. It was just the Pom pom texture It was just everything

I don't want that It was too new for him It was too new That was the problem It was a fancy meal He crushed your soul Crushed my soul And I haven't been able

To make it since But yeah when Shade Made it last night And put it up People were like What is this What is this beautiful Dish that you've made

You lucky children She did make it look Very sexy It look very sexy. It was very sexy. I might have had a pom-pom off the top. We're trying to eat healthy. Yeah. I mean, not that it's super bad for you,

but there's a lot of pom-pom on top. And once I start with the pom-poms, I can't stop. You can't stop. You can't just have a pom-pom. You might as well cook the whole bag of the pom-poms, right? Open the pom-poms,

cook the whole thing on an oven tray because you're not going to stop eating them once you start. They're like a smooth little tater. They're like a smooth little tater tot. Whoop, whoop, whoop. So then Sade started getting replies saying, oh, you should try the variants. Stop the music.

Variants? Like a COVID variant. Variant is such a cool term at the moment. Yes. Everybody's got to have a variant. We weren't happy with the original virus. Of course, it had to have all of its variants. Yeah.

And, you know, people want to just take something and change it a little bit. So what's the pom-pom Omicron? There's a chicken and leek version. I love a chicken leek. Chuck a bit of bacon and a bit of mushroom in there too. Bacon, mushroom, leek. With the potato, with the pom-poms on top. Excuse us for a moment.

We'll all just try it right in the studio. Yum. Somebody sent her a venison one. What about a fish pie? Which is wild. A fish pie. Fish pie with pom-poms. Oh, I don't know about that.

No, I love a fish pie. Smoked kahawai. Oh, yeah. Yum, yum, yum, yum. Bit of egg. That could be good. Creaminess. Alison, what's up over here?

Yeah. She's not doing anything on TV at the moment. I could see you fronting a little Just Before Six recipe special. Call me. Call me. I've got ideas. She's got a pom-pom.

She's got a pom-pom pie and a guy that's got fish in it. Yeah, funny gals. Fish pie. Yeah. She's got a pom-pom. She's got a pom-pom pie and a guy that's got fish in it. Yeah, funny gals. Fish pie. So, yeah, but there's variants. You've got to make a pom-pom pie. We've been so happy with the original mince pom-pom pie. Yeah.

We've never branched out. You can put those pom-poms on top of anything. Wow. What do you reckon it would be like with those little... Tater tots. Yeah, tater tots. Because they're a bit... There's less...

Tater. And more tots. You know that'd be good. I think it'd change the top texture. It'd be like a crunchier. But then cheese. Layers of cheese. They'd be good.

What about... What about those ones you were talking about? Which got a name? Tater tots is what they're called in American movies. What are they called? They're tots. They're tots, right? Everyone knows what I'm talking about.

Like copters that you get. Mini hash browns. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Potato gems. Yes, thank you. We should have gone straight to producer Jared. Yes. The 20-something male who's a big huge fan of a frozen potato.

You know your way around the frozen aisle at the supermarket don't you? Huge proponent for an oven meal. Yes. Mum's already made oven. Okay, stay with me here. Yep. We get the potato gems. We put them in a baking dish. Buttered of course so they don't stick.

Put them in the bottom, put them in the oven, get them cooking, get them crisped up and it becomes like a biscuity base for what we put on top. Then the pom-poms on top. You're sandwiching. I'm sandwiching with potato. A lot of carbs. A lot of carbs.

I don't care if you're going carbs, go in carbs. And then in the middle, you couldn't put anything too wet. Yeah. Because it would affect the crunch of the potato gems. Yeah. Well, anyway, that's our food in six minutes. Oh, my God. However long it took us to get through that.

I'm just going to show you a picture of tater tots. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Play. ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley. ZM, Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley. Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley's Community Notices. Hello and welcome to Community Notices.

Hello and welcome to... Community Notices is a segment of the show where we have a look at what's happening around New Zealand according to local Facebook pages. Let's go to a Facebook page, OTK364. Now, 364 is probably the STD code. Yeah. It's a landline code.

Oh. OTK, Otaki, 364? Maybe. Where Cara, saintly Cara, has said, I found this tube of Voltaren down Wairanga Road. If it's yours, measure me. Measure me? Message me.

Don't measure her. Oops, I'm still playing that cantaloupe song from before. And look, it's Voltaren, mostly empty and has some tape around it. Maybe they've got a hole in their Voltaren there. Yeah. Put it in the trash. I'd say that's past the point of trying to find its owner. Yeah, they don't want that back.

No. Yuck. Nah. And it's got no cap. Yeah, you stand on that when you see it, and if some squirts out, you laugh, and then you pick it up and put it in the bin. Put it in the trash.

I mean, good on them. What a nice community neighbour. What does a tube of Voltaren Osteo Gel go for these days? They're not cheap, Voltaren Gels. No, they're not cheap. Voltaren Gel NZ Stand By. They're not cheap. I reckon you're looking at $20-something.

Oh, yeah, we've got a... A big tube. You're looking at a bit of money there. I'm on a bargain website. Yeah, $15.32 for a big tube. Whoa! Okay, you've probably got a couple of bucks worth of money there. I'm on a bargain website. Yeah, $15.32 for a big tube. Whoa! Okay, you've probably got a couple of bucks worth of Voltaren left in there then.

Yeah. Well, get on down. This one from the Rads page, that's Richmond, Avonside, Darlington, Shirley locals. Okay. Sarah posts, is there a new business coming to town? And there's a window.

And we're seeing a lot of this, unfortunately, like an empty shop front. Oh, yeah. But on the window has been written Cinder's Orgasm Delivery Service. Now on Lakanto. But is it who Orgasm Delivery Service has moved? Oh, right now on

another street. Okay. Do you go to them or do they come to you? Well, it's a delivery service. I assume the orgasms are delivered to you. Well, you open the door and it's just there. No, obviously they're delivered to you. But do they come to your house or do you go to them? I think the delivery is... Is the delivery not...

That they come to you. Here's your orgasm. No. It's a delivery. I'll come to your house. And then deliver this. Also, is it guaranteed? I've got questions.

Like, is there a money-back guarantee? Yes. I've got so many questions. I've got so many questions. And if it's a delivery service, they don't need the shop front. Yeah, no. You know, they don't need it. They might just work out of home.

They might have it in a home office. But maybe you go in for a consultation first. Perhaps. Could they deliver the consultation as well? The East Auckland Grapevine's back again. Always a beauty out of East Auckland. Aviana. Aviana.

What a beautiful, sunny name. Sounds like a Prussian princess. Sounds like my moisturiser. Yes. No judgements, please. Tell me honestly, how many of you cat owners knew that male cats have nipples? Oh, yeah. I just applied two dots of calamine lotion To our boys two matching flea bites

And my son said Mum those are his nipples This woman has had a child Yeah she's had a child And her child is telling her Those are the nipples After googling what type of insect bites those were They were indeed nipples

What is the purpose of nipples on male cats It can't just be us Who didn't know Can't stop laughing Well does she know that men indeed nipples. What is the purpose of nipples on male cats? It can't just be us who didn't know. Can't stop laughing. Well, does she know that men have nipples? Men have nipples, and I've wondered why. And Gilly says, same purpose as nipples on a man, I guess. Most attributes, like most attributes of men, they're completely useless.

God, this is a pile on. Wow. Isn't it? Yeah. It's pile on. They are useless, and mine are tiny and on the side. It's just They're completely useless. God, this is a pile-on. It's pile-on. They are useless and mine are tiny and on the side. It's just even more useless. It's even more useless.

And on the side. That's weird. That's a weird placement. Yeah, I'd bring them in like a centimetre or two. Like if they were there, that would be perfect. Could I get a nipple plastic? Like could they move them in a centimetre each? Tug them in.

Well, yeah, because they don't, they... Yes, I think so. I probably could. Like, they just cut them off. I don't know if I'd go to the effort of peeling them off and then re-sticking them on. But I'd get big if I were you. Like, I'd put on a lot of weight, and then the skin's stretched,

and then just have some skin removed from the middle. Yeah, tuck in the middle. And then it will just pull them in naturally. No, it'll pull them into where they are now, though. Have you thought about nipple tattooing? You could tattoo... You just leave them in the same And then we'll just pull them in No to pull them in To where they are now though Have you thought about Nipple tattooing You could tattoo You just leave them In the same weird sort of position

But tattoo around them To thicken them out a bit Oh no maybe I could Tattoo an areola To come in That's what I meant So what you're saying Where is nipples now

Because it's small It could play the outer nipple And then it just gets A massive nipple And that sort of centralises It onto the teat So you'd have Your areolas would be more central.

The actual nip bit. But I like having little Aries. I love having little Aries. Alright then. More Aries, more pleasure. I don't know if that's true either. Rolleston wants, Rolleston's Liv would like somebody to

know that there's unfortunately been a killed animal on the road. I'm sorry to say that there's unfortunately been a killed animal on the road I'm sorry to say that somebody's unicorn has been hit on Springston-Rolleston Road I moved her to the side of the road

didn't have time to take her to the vets to check the microchip but if this was your glitter baby I'm so sorry for your loss they were lovingly placed on the side of the road in the grass

if you want to collect them thoughts and prayers now I appreciate that because there's a lot of like the people who find a dead cat on the road and they move it and they're like I'm so sorry and there's a lot of, like, the people who find a dead cat on the road and they move it and they're like, I'm so sorry.

And there's a lot of sympathy outpouring. But often, you know, the forgotten toy, the run over unicorn excluded from that. When there could be some mum that's like, you know, wants that toy desperately because their kid won't deal with a lost toy. Yeah. They're sad to have lost the unicorn.

Those are today's community notices. If you see anything on your local Facebook page, screen cap it and send it to ours. We are FVH on all the socials. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley. It was announced yesterday that the Kath and Kim new special event that we talked about a while ago, was it going to be a reunion special?

Are they going to be in character? Or is it going to be like the friends reunion? It is out in just over 10 days. Oh, okay. Yeah, November 20th. Wow, okay, that's close. It is out. Huge news.

Now, it's going to be two parts? It's in two parts, and everyone's involved. So they shared a photo. There's Kath and Kim and of course their hubbies. What's his name? Brett. Brett.

Brett and Cal. Yeah. And everyone's there. Right. It's literally everyone's back and they're all in character which makes me think that they'll be doing you know some new scenes and some new. Right. It's literally everyone's back and they're all in character which makes me think that they'll be doing, you know, some new scenes

and some new Right. sort of storylines perhaps. Do you think it'll kind of be like reunion and then some scenes and then Yeah, I reckon it'll be a mixture.

Right. They're not, they haven't given a lot of information about the 20th and the 21st. So this is showing in Australia on Channel 7. Yeah. So I wonder who will show it here. Yeah. Because we've had no announcement

from anyone in New Zealand like TV One or Three. No, I know. Seven's announcement said, find the low-fat, sugar-free, high-fiber, gluten-free, zero-dippity-dippity-bicks and crack open the Tia Maria Fountain Lakes Foxy Morons are back for a sneak peek into their most private nooks and crannies

from the past 20 years. Wow, okay. So looking back over the past 20 years, I wonder if it's going to be like what happened between then and now. Perhaps, filling the gap. Yeah. This is so exciting. I don't know who's, who, TVNZ, are you playing it?

Well, who plays Home and Away? Because that's Sav and... That's TVNZ. Okay, well, maybe they'll have their... Oh, wait, are they neighbours? No, they were both. TV3 used to have Home and Away and then it abstracts. That's right, yeah.

We nicked it. TVNZ got it. Well, you'd think one of them would jump on this because this would be huge. Well, I'm going to a TVNZ event tomorrow night. I'm going to. This is my task for the night. Yeah.

Are we getting Kath and Kym? Because otherwise, where are we going to watch it? Someone will upload it, won't they? Someone will upload it. Someone will upload it. To a website or two. A website or two. How good is this going to be?

It's going to be Norse. It's not going to be disappointing, is it? Do you know what I love about this is when they're like, do you remember when Lord of the Rings said, our show's coming out? And you said, when? They said, September next year. And it was like, you know, 14 months away when they announced it.

This is 10 days. It is literally next Sunday. Yeah, I don't think it's going to have quite the budget or the special effects of Lord of the Rings. No. I've heard there's orcs. Karween at the social media desk let the group know that there'd been a whoopsie and you'd flashed a whole lot of people.

Now, was this on purpose or by accident? Obviously, it was on accident. I don't know. Did you flash the upper or the downer? The upper. It could have been either. Yeah. No, no, no.

Just the upper. I was late for an appointment yesterday that I needed to change my shirt for. So I... Why did you change your shirt? Yeah, it's a job interview no you just spilt something we're going eating curry tasting and you had to put on a shirt you didn't mind stopping curry yeah no no just a laser appointment oh okay i see yeah the pits and the bits done gotcha um and so i was like oh it's fine i'm parked in this underground car park in Newmarket.

I'll just quickly whip them back on and no one will know anything. Right. So parked, started getting my shirt out, everything. Started undressing, I guess. And then a passenger train full of people goes past. Well, then here's the good thing. It was full of people, you know, people using public transport. That's fantastic.

That's great. You should have silver lining. It just didn't deny it. Yeah, for the silver lining. It just didn't deny it. More people would use public transport if they were promised somewhere along their journey. Boobies. There'd be boobies.

Yeah. There'd be boobies there. Have you just stumbled upon the key to getting people into public transport? Yeah. I mean, there could be something for everybody. Right. Ladies might not want to see other boobies there. Have you just stumbled upon the key to getting people into public transport? Yeah, I mean, there could be something for everybody. Right. Ladies might not want to see other boobies. There could be a gentleman's bottom.

Did people notice? Do you think people saw? Well, I'm going to say hopefully not. Because they would have had to be looking at exactly the right time because trains go pretty fast. But it was close to the station. It was either slowing down to get into the station or speeding up getting out.

I was trying to make myself feel better. Yeah, no, I don't think you should. I did this sort of recently. When was this? At the top of the year. And I was having PT sessions at my personal trainer's house. This is when there was lots of cases of COVID at the gym. Oh, yeah.

She didn't want to go to the gym and I didn't want to go to the gym. I still wanted to work out to the gym i still wanted to work out she was like come over to my house i've got enough equipment and i would always drive there and i'd be like well i don't really want to get there and then get changed in front of her so i would get changed in front of my car and i remember doing that i looked down the street to make no sure no one was there but didn't look next to me and it was a construction site and i got because were you in your bra car win yes yeah i got boobs out. Oh my God. Yeah, because I had to change

from a normal bra to a sports bra and I just went quickly like, and then I was like, perhaps they're out. And did the builders see? They didn't say anything. They were essential workers too a lot of the time, so they needed a little something. Yeah, absolutely. My thank you to them. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Keeping the construction industry going. Absolutely. Yeah, I love an accidental flash. It's a little whoopsie-daisy. Maybe we can take some calls if you've accidentally flashed someone. If you've, you know, like in the changing room. This also, do you, like women, this happens all the time. They make tops too tight and you try it on and it gets stuck on your shoulders.

Have you ever done this? I've done another flash. So you're stuck with your arms above your head but nothing covering yourself. You're like crossed like this and you'll have your bra on if you wear a bra. And then I've had to get someone to come in before and I remember she pulled toes so tight. And my boobie popped out a little bit from underneath my little stretchy camisole. You asked a stranger at the gym. I was not getting out of that top. I was not getting out of that top.

I was not getting out of that. You were stuck. Yeah, it wasn't a stretch fabric. How did you get into it in the first place? You can get into it because it's fine because you're like this. But once it's down on you. I went up over and dragged a little bit of the bra and I felt my boob like release. At the bottom.

Oh, she doesn't care. Yeah, boing. It made that noise. Famously, they doesn't care. Yeah, boing. Wow. It made that noise. Famously, they do. Yeah. I'm always so paranoid getting out of the pool that your togs will come down. Yes.

You pull yourself up on the side or something. You're like, that's breezy. Maybe you've been to a water park and lost your shorts. Oh, or at the beach. Yeah. And they just get ripped off in the current. You see a woman trusting a bikini every now and then. Diving into a pool or something.

You're like, oh, those can't be trusted. You want a one-piece for those, love. You need a speedo high-neck one-piece. Even if it does come down, you can pull it back up before you come out of the water. Carwin got a bap sound in front of a train of people. Oh, Carwin. We'll give no more detail.

She's gone crazy. She's off the rails. Train, I believe, pulling into the Newmarket station. Yes. Yesterday. She was parked there. She was trying to do a quick change before an appointment and flashed a baps.

Happens to the best of us. You've done it? I've done it a number of times. I'm sure we've all done it at some point. Vaughan, have you flashed your junk accidentally? Well, I don't know that I can think of off the top of my head.

Did you... I get changed constantly in front of an open window. We do look really, really good, but someone might have some binoculars out. Yeah, so do I. But they're not perving,

aren't they? If there's binoculars involved, it's not a flash, that's a perv. Yeah, that's not on you, is it? No, it's not. Yeah, no.

Yeah, certainly isn't. I'm always darting across the house in nude. Like a slippery eel. Catch me! So we want to know from you this morning when you've accidentally flashed. Michael, what happened? So basically, I used to

race in the year 10 swimming team. Okay. This isn't going to go well, is it? Yeah, no, it's not. Dived off the board, hit the water, did about two laps of freestyle, then started doing backstroke until someone jumped in the pool and had to stop me.

And right from the very first dive, my trunks came off and I didn't realise. Wait, so you were completely nude. I did about three laps of a year 10 and this was a mixed race, boys and girls, and my dunk was out for the entire year level. You didn't feel it? Oh, my God, backstroke.

I didn't. I wouldn't be ready for that. So I'm guessing that they were like, well, all right, I mean, he's face down now. That's just a bum. But then when you went backstroke, they were like, we can't have this. No.

Out for the school. Pretty much. How did you recover from this? Basically, I grabbed all my gear, caught a bus home, sat in my room mortified and didn't show my face at school for about two weeks. Oh, no way. Did you get a nickname out of that? I didn't, surprisingly.

Oh, wow. Okay. Oh, wow. It was okay. Oh, wow. It was the talk for a while. You know, I went, basically flashed the entire school. Jeepers, mate. Oh, no, you'd want to die. That is just mortifying. Michael, thank you for sharing.

Bye, man, Willie. Kathy, good morning. When did you accidentally flash? Well, our bathroom is off the dining room, randomly enough, and then the front door was wide open. I have children, so of course they had opened the bathroom door, and then I got out of the shower, and I was drying my back, and I was facing forward to the doorway

when the courier popped his head in the door and knocked on the door and kind of looked in. So I was completely stark naked doing my back. He just looked at me. I screamed and like ran and grabbed a towel and then came out and

cowardly got my package. And then a couple of months later I was walking out of just an A&E and the courier van pulled up and it was him and he just looked at me and winked and walked off. He remembered.

Amazing. Thank you, Cathy. Side note, I would love to hear from couriers a total number of nude people you've seen. Yeah, man. Side note, I would love to hear from couriers a total number of nude people you've seen. Yeah, man. Or the average daily nude person you see. You know in World War II when a plane would shoot down another plane, they'd put a stamp on the side of the plane.

The couriers should have stamps under the window of their vans of how many nude people they've seen. Yeah, yeah. A current telly. Yeah, just so we can see. There'd be so many. So many. I'm mortified. When my son was a baby, just so we can see. It would be so many. So many. I'm mortified. When my son was a baby, I fell asleep breastfeeding.

And when my alarm went off for an appointment, I jumped up, grabbed him, ran out the door halfway down the motorway and I realised that I hadn't put a t-shirt on and I had a titty hanging out. People had stopped beside me at traffic lights, but I just kind of carried on. That's tired. What about? Yeah. Yeah.

I was about 10. We were out in Raglan on a biscuit behind a jet ski. This happens, though. This is why you wear a wetsuit, because it all holds on a little bit. Yeah. But I don't know what happened, but my pants ended up around my ankles. I had satin boxes on. Oh.

What? Underneath your togs. Okay. I don't understand how people do undies under togs. No. It's too uncomfortable. Undneath your togs. I don't understand how people do undies under togs. It's too uncomfortable. Undies are togs. Yeah, just wear togs. I wouldn't wear an undie under my togs.

Satin boxes got ripped off never to be seen again. The jet ski stopped, I stood up and everybody outside the motel saw my little meat and two veg in all its glory because my pants were gone. My little meat and two veg. My little meat and two veg in all its glory because my pants were gone. My little meat and two veg. My little meat and two veg. I live in an apartment.

There's a construction site opposite. I always draw the blinds. Forgot one day coming out of the bathroom naked, I realised that people were staring at me. So I strolled to my room. They'd seen me, so why run? Problem is they remember me. I don't. And every

day they shout hello when I'm outside. That's a compliment, I guess. That's a compliment to be remembered. You don't want to have a forgettable. Well, yeah, because are you going to wink and remember someone? Some Instagram responses because we asked on there. Narelle said,

bridesmaids entrance to the wedding reception. One of the grooms twirled me so hard that the dress flew up and everybody saw my baton. At a funeral, baby brain led to me forgetting to do up the breastfeeding zip on my dress. So there you go. At a funeral, someone had to boobie out.

Loose boob. Yesterday at school camp, I'm a teacher going down the hydra slide at the end where I stood up. No. Not at school camp. Imagine that would be the story around school, wouldn't it? I can't think about that. A wave dump at Muriwai. Top tip, never wear a bikini top with ties while swimming on the West Coast.

I could have told you that. Yeah, I could have told you that. The West Coast is a rugged place. Gone, was it? Had my iCloud signed in on my parents' TV. Guests over a picture of my naked body flashed up. Don't sign your iCloud into somebody's TV. It's madness.

Oh no. It's horrible, horrible madness. Amazing. Alright. Play. ZM's Fletch Vaughan and Hayley. Five minutes away from nine. Four minutes away from nine. Three minutes away from nine. Two minutes away from nine. One minute away from nine. It's nine. Four minutes away from nine. Three minutes away from nine. Two minutes away from nine. One minute away from nine.

It's nine. It is four minutes away from nine. It's actually five minutes. You've got ten seconds till it's four minutes. Yeah, but I'm rounding up. You've royally stuffed this up. I'm rounding up. Three.

Hang on. No, it's four seconds away. Hang on, hang on, hang on. Three, two, one. Four minutes away from nine. You've got to play the thing. You said bloody worried about the time. You're not playing the thing.

Oh. Workplace Secret Santa, love it or hate it. Workplace Secret Santa. Yeah. I misspoke before. I said Secret Santa when it's specifically Workplace Secret Santa. I think Secret Santa for the family is good. I think a lot of people will be doing that this year,

especially with larger families and, you know, money's tight at the moment. Keep the cost down. Love it or hate it. 41% of people love it. 59% of people hate it. There is no room for in between. There is no room for a neutral feeling. You must love it or you must hate it.

We push the people to make decisions, don't we? Ali says, oh, it's a bit of fun. We need more fun. You're right, Ali. Oh, Ali. Ali's not wrong. We do need more fun. Ali should take a cooking class.

She would love it. I don't know. Just forced to spend money on a rubbish gift, you know? Yeah. It doesn't have to be rubbish. Ah, but it is. It's $20. It's, you know, $10 or $20.

It's rubbish. Just don't bother. Yeah. Well, Courtney says, I only just said I'm on your job in July and I don't, like, know people well enough. Yeah, right. There's so much stress. What if you get them something weird?

Get them something weird at Secret Santa. You never have to admit that it was you. I love doing that. And if you do have to admit it, you're not playing Secret Santa. Yeah. You're playing Mystery Gift. No.

Do we reveal at our workplace? No. People try to work it out and stuff, but you're best just to... Man, I'm going to get buck wild with my gift. Leave it as it is. Yes, do it. Okay.

Yeah. Sarah said, last time I did it, I put in a lot of effort to find something within budget that was geared towards my person's interests and in return someone got me a mini plastic drawer thing. Like it just made zero sense. Yeah, so you just don't have high expectations.

Oh, I have zero expectations and don't put in effort because when you do and others don't, you feel let down. But that's just humans on a whole, isn't it? Yeah, that's how I live life. That's everything. Do you know just humans on a whole, isn't it? Yeah, that's how I live life. That's everything. Do you know, I did a secret Santa once and I got, I put in a 20, it was a $20 limit, so I bought a $20 countdown voucher.

I thought that was great. Wouldn't you love to just have that in your wallet? Fish it around. Yeah, 100%. Everyone said it was a lame gift. And I've never admitted that it was mine. What did you get in that secret Santa? I got one of the dud, you know, like it was like a greedy Santa, like you could steal.

Oh, yeah. Yeah, I got like this American sweets marshmallow flower. Oh, my God. Oh, see, a counterfeit would have been great. I know. Yeah. That's ruthless, too, that Secret Santa where you can steal other people's. Oh, I love it, though.

So good. We have been on the precipice of fights. We do a real Secret Santa where you buy something that you've thought about, and then we do, when we're all together, a greedy Santa where you have to buy something along a theme, and then you can steal it. And then everyone steals it. Yeah. Justice Scrivener, who is not a member of the Supreme Court,

although it definitely sounds it, says, not a fan, especially when the person that gets your name doesn't personalise the gift and gets you something out of the discount bin at the chemist's warehouse. That's what I'm doing. It's great to get those discounts. I love the discount bin. I hope you like your Amiga 3s. I love it.

I love it. Good for the brain. Shelly says, people can be such a-holes. Wow, Shelly's been on the receiving end of some bad gifts. One guy from my work many years ago who wasn't particularly liked got given fish heads wrapped in Christmas paper. Wow. That is wild, and I love it.

That's great. Samantha says, white elephant is significantly superior. Is that white elephant, is that greedy Santa? I don't know. If you ever click Google, I'm pretty sure white elephant is, that's the one where you can steal other people's gifts. Right, okay. Oh, it's gift exchange. I don't know. Do you have a quick Google? I'm pretty sure white elephant is... Ah. That's the one where you can steal other people's gifts. Right, okay.

Oh, it's gift exchange. So you can swap seats. Yankee swap or dirty Santa. Yeah, it's a party game where amusing and impractical gifts are exchanged during festivities and you can steal them. You can steal them, yeah. Okay. Kate says, I love the idea, but I'm always, capital letters,

always disappointed. Yeah. Alex, hate it. I take gift giving very serial. I guess that means serious. And then the fletch of the workplace gives you a joke gift like an effing banana in a jar.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, good. So this is why you can never, yeah, you put too much thought into it. You can't be guaranteed humans are going to do the same. This, again, will apply to any aspect of humanity you can think of. You're doing a lot of great work for the environment.

Some a-holes dump in toxic waste straight into a creek. Yep. You recycle, somebody else just burns theirs. You know, this is just humanity on a whole. You care about people.

You want to see the best for people who are in unfortunate circumstances. Someone is going to take advantage of them. That's humanity. And I hate to bring it down just before we finish the show for the day, but don't trust a goddamn single one of them.

Oh, look out there. There are all of them. When you're going somewhere today. I just brought so much positivity into the show about my delightful cooking experience and how I was in the best mood ever. What are you doing, you brat? I'm just saying we've got to have some balance here. We've got to have some balance.

If you're driving somewhere today, looking at all those different cars, all those different people, 50% of them, horrible. Have a great day. Is that the podcast done? Because I'm busting for a poos. Busting for a poos.

Jesus. Give us a review. ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley.