ZM's Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley - Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley Podcast Intro - 24th March 2023

Episode Date: March 23, 2023

Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley discuss fancy celebrant pens in today's Podcast Intro!  See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

The ZM Podcast Network. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley. Hello and welcome. Hello. Do you want to get out of here you two? Behave. This podcast intro recorded live at the local dog kennels. You guys don't have dogs, but when you go to pick up your dogs from dog kennel, it's fucking chaos.

I don't know how we were working there. It stinks like we're dogs and it's just constantly. Absolutely not. I'd rather work the cat kennels. Okay, I don't want to work at any of those. Do your little intro. Well, you do your nice little intro. Let the little man have his moment.

Okay, don't patronise. Don't patronise me. Now you go. Welcome to the show, the Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley podcast. It's thanks to McCafe. Try to get a cup of barista-made McCafe coffee on the go. Oh, didn't he do well? I'm proud of you.

He's a good boy. He's a good boy. He's a good boy. Today on the podcast, we will have some podcast exclusive content, some messages in for a topic we discussed. Yeah, on what you walked in on, what you found yourself in the middle of. A lot of smut came in. A lot.

Surprise, surprise. A lot of smut. A lot of smut. But a big day you'll hear in the podcast as well. You're adjudicating a wedding. Adjudicating. Officiating. I'm the celebrant.

You're the wedding referee. You're refereeing? Yeah, I am refereeing this wedding. And do you know one thing I didn't think about? Oh my God. Thought. What a great idea for a wedding. Was?

The celebrant sits on top of one of those tennis umpire chairs. Oh my God, yes. How cool would that be? And I give the whole ceremony a score. Yes. Love four. What are you rummaging around in your bag for? My nice pen. Wow, this is the issue.

She needs a pen. Because my mum and dad both worked in courthouses and so they've done courthouse weddings. I thought they were like registrars or something like that. Were they JP's? No, not JP, registrars. And then my mum just said to me before have you got a nice pen? I was like, I don't know, I've probably got a bick somewhere and she was like,

no, no, no, no, no. For the signing of the documents. Oh. Now, why I'm providing this pen, I don't know. That's a good point. Who should provide the pen? I think it should come with a celebrant. Well, that depends.

If they want a nice pen, they would then provide their own pen. Oh, if they wanted like a super duper nice pen. Yeah. But I like didn't even think about it. I did get a leather display folder. Oh, lovely. Because I can't stand when I'm at a wedding and someone's got a fucking clear file. A plastic folder for warehouse stationery. And I'm like, no, no, no, no, no.

Have some respect. Yeah. I also got some card that I'm going to print out the boys vows on them and put them on there so they're just nice and strong for them Do you have a home printer? I do. Wow. Look I don't want to see that in touch. It must be nice It is. Having a home printer

A home printer? If you guys want to print anything you just hit your girl up I wouldn't dare burden you with the cost of having to pay for ink on my paper. No, we just use the work printer, don't we? Yeah, I don't know how to access it. So this nice pen issue, and then I looked up

pens, and I'm like, fountain or ball? Ball. Because fountains are hard to write with. They are, right. You've got to have practice. You can't just rock into your first fountain. If there's any kind of chip grease on the thing that they're signing, the ball won't work. Exactly. signing, the ball won't work. Exactly.

What if the ball doesn't work? Do I have to buy two nice pens and have a backup one, or do I just have a crap company pen? What's a gel pen? Producer Jared is saying, yeah. This guy's a bit of a pen. The scratch and sniff gel pen. He knows his pens, this kid. Yeah.

What about a vivid? Sharpie. Sharpie. You don't want a vivid. A fine-tipped Sharpie. You bleed through to the next page. That's true. Like, you know the gel pens, sometimes they've got glitter in them,

and they're a little bit smelly. Oh, that is tacky. Imagine if I thought that would actually be pretty sweet. Are you saying you should bring them a pink glittery gel pen because this is a same-sex marriage? Oh, wow. It's cancelled. Bring a little airy-fairy pink. It's not 1998, mate.

Not all gay people love pink sparkles. Like, gel pens are great. Just the only thing to be aware of is if you're left-handed, you could smooch. That's the thing, but I asked them yesterday because I'm left-handed, so I'm going to have to do it because I've got to sign all my stuff. Yep.

So I have to. It can't be too inky because I'll smear. You need a ball. They probably don't want you to marry them anymore when they found out you were left-handed. I didn't tell them. Kind of like a curse. It's bad luck. No, I didn't tell them.

I asked them if they were left or right-handed. They both said right. And I said, thank God, because I was thinking about this inky pen situation. Can you do your bit before the ceremony? Yeah. We'll just do that. Yeah, I'm doing that. I'm going to do that.

Just so no one sees in public that you're left-handed because that would spell the end to your career, I think, personally. Oh, my God. Why are they even mentioned on the podcast? You shouldn't have mentioned it. Some of these pens I looked to find a nice pen. Here's a Parker Sonnet Black Liqueur Gold Trim Fountain Pen. $300. Yeah, really expensive.

But see, if this was your job, like you were going to marry more than – because you're not – I don't really want to do it anymore. Yeah, because just you're just doing this for your friends one and done for them but if you were doing like a couple of weddings a weekend you would invest that much money in a nice pen i think i'm gonna go ball yeah i'll go ball yeah i got a nice ball that's what i was trying to find in my bag there a nice ball point pen oh okay 60 bucks do you have a nice pen yeah i got a nice pen why did you buy it? Well, that's what I'm saying. Because I had a voucher.

So you spent a voucher on a fucking $60 pen. Yeah, well, I didn't want to... That you've now lost. No, it's around somewhere. I think it's at home. I think it's attached to another... But what do you use it for at home? Writing on post-it notes? Yeah. What a waste

of money. Well, it was a. Yeah. What a waste of money. Well, it was a voucher. That's not real money. That's fake money. What was the voucher for? You could have bought other things. Like what? Reams of paper.

I don't have a home printer. I'm not bloody flush with cash. I know, but I'm not buying her, right? Well, you're not flush with cash because you keep spending vouchers on $60 pens. Oh, my God. It's a nice pen, though. Who is sending me a link To an Australian Pen company Oh you can get there and back Before the wedding

This afternoon It's literally in like Four hours time What have we got here What have we got here A Jara Wood signing pen Oh get out Jara

Oh So you gift them the pen You get two pens And it's got their names on it And then you No I'm going to go To Whitcalls

Or some other book store And I'm going to go to Whitcalls or some other bookstore and I'm going to get a nice, fancy ballpoint pen. Warehouse Stationery in Westgate just on the way home. That's got some posh pens in it.

I reckon $15 you'll get a nice pen. I reckon I'll go to $30. I'll go to $30. I mean, you're halfway to $60. You might as well carry on. Push the button. Well, halfway to $60

I'm nearly at $120. I might as well keep on going. I mean, you might as well get the $350 parka pen. The $300 one is so pretty. And then go home and spend hours trying to work out how to ride with it on the right angle.