ZM's Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley - Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley Podcast - Trade Secrets Uncut! - Francis Tipene

Episode Date: March 28, 2022

Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley asked Francis Tipene your questions about Funeral Directing!See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

The ZM Podcast Network. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley. Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley's Trade Secrets. Joining us on the phone, I'm going to say New Zealand's most famous funeral director, Francis Tipene. Morena, Francis. Morena, Hayley. Morena. Fletch, Vaughan. Morena to you all. Hi. Lovely to have you on the show. We're going to get from you all of your insider secrets. Yeah, the trade secrets.

I have to say, it's one of the most sort of curious people want to know. It's fascinating because we're all going to die one day. And depending on beliefs, whether or not you get to see it all happening after you leave, I don't know. That would be dependent. But it is fascinating what happens to loved ones and ourselves after we die, I guess. Have you always found that? People have got sort of a, it's not even a morbid fascination, really, is it?

No. I think it's just more curiosity, like what actually happens. A lot of people say, what happens behind the doors, you know, when their loved ones come into our care? And being able to expose it and share it a little bit more in a sensitive manner has been really uh a positive i would say you know 90 of the time for lots of people yeah we've got we've got a lot of questions for you this morning what would be the number one question when you're out like if you were at a bar or something and

someone recognizes you from the tv or you say what you do? Because in radio it's always like, who's the most famous person you've ever talked to? Sure. Mine is if they don't already know me and I'm meeting someone here, so I will talk and they say, what do you do? And I tell them I'm a funeral service, a funeral director, and then 90% of the time we change the subject, they don't want to talk about it anymore.

Really? Yeah, people are like, oh, that's morbid, and then change the subject. So that's when I don't know, but usually nowadays, a lot of people sort of know. Oh, you're from the funeral show. I'm like, yep, yep, yep, sort of thing. You're famous.

That one. So we do have some questions from our listeners. First one, how did you get into funeral directing as a career? Yes, from a youngster, I always wanted to do that. Being a Maori, we have lots of funerals on the marae, so I always saw the dead bodies and looked, I always thought how beautiful they looked and how, when Aunty was alive, she was sort of ugly,

now she's dead, she looks so beautiful. And so I wanted to do that and be part of that with, you know, all my aunties and uncles who died and they come back all done up and looking good. And so I liked that. And so I pursued that right up until I left school and got into it then. What surprised you the most when you started doing it? What was one thing that you were like, whoa, that's very surprising?

Yes, what surprised me the most is that the bodies didn't get deep freeze. I thought they go into a freezer, get frozen, and then pulled out and then put into a casket, but that wasn't the case. Where do they go? We don't thaw well. No, we put chemical, like a balming fluid, into the body. Oh, yes, yes, yes. Yeah, yeah.

And because every time you touch them, they're always cold and hard. And I thought it was from the freezer. But it's not. It's just a natural occurrence when, obviously, you've got no warm blood. Of course you're going to go cold. And so that's what happens. Yeah. So is there, like, a course at Wintec for this?

Like, how do you get into it? Do you have to just go to a home and learn the trade that way? First of all, yes. You've got to go to a funeral home, learn the trade and then once you've learned the trade then you qualify after two years of, well, sorry, one year of funeral home experience in a funeral home then you qualify to go to the course

which was at Welltech but it's changed now to another institution. Oh, there is a course. It's a diploma. When you mentioned embalming, how long does embalming, you mentioned Aunty looking great, and more so in death than life. How long does embalming

keep someone looking fresh? Yes, so we'll ask the family how long they would like to keep the body. So we've had bodies for six months, three months, three weeks, two days. So it's all dependent on the factor, the factors. So with the COVID and quarantine, we were holding bodies for six months, three months. So you embalm accordingly. And so that would take for a six month hold.

It might take us a couple of days. We'll slowly do the injection and the preparation. But for a three- or four-day funeral, it might take two and a half to three hours to prepare someone. When you're storing bodies like that, like you say, people having to put funerals on hold, where are you keeping them all? We just keep them in the viewing rooms because they're already dressed and in their caskets. So after the body has been embalmed, there's no need to keep it in a cool room or in a fridge

because they're already prepared. The fridge might just cause, might pose more problems than not having the bodies in the fridge. You know, mould and condensation. No, we don't want that. We don't want that. Run a dehumidifier. And when they're in these rooms, do you go in, Francis,

do you have a little talk with them? Absolutely. Every morning we need to check them to make sure they're still okay. I mean, anything can happen overnight. So we'll go in and say, morning, Mr. Smith and Mrs. Jones and Mr. Tipene. And we just make sure they're okay. They have little nets over the top of them, like to protect them from any dust and flies

that might sneak into the funeral home. And as long as they're looking beautiful and peaceful and at rest and not causing us any issues, then we'll leave them be in peace. Wow. Here's a question from our listener. Does the hair keep growing? Oh, yeah, like your leg be in peace. Wow. Here's a question from our listener. Does the hair keep growing? Or the nails? Oh, yeah, like your leg hairs and stuff. No, it stops.

Nails, hair, they all stop once you're dead. So you don't come back every day and old Mr. Brown's got a five o'clock shadow. And a shave. No, no, not at all. If he did, I'll be checking for a pulse, and I'll probably have to refund the family all of their money back because he'd be alive. He's alive and wow.

Somebody wants to know what happens to people's jewellery when they're cremated? Because, you know, someone might want their wedding ring on, I guess. Yes, so we encourage families not to cremate jewellery. Take it off and keep them as heirlooms because the jewellery will probably, once someone's cremated, we only take the bone

and the bones that are left behind get cremulated or broken down into a fine dust, into a fine ash, and that is what you get back. So you don't actually get back casket, clothes, plastic, flowers, or jewellery. You get back bone. And that's why if anyone's ever held ashes, cremated ashes of their loved one,

you'll find it quite heavy and dense. Yes. Because it's just bone. Everything else gets biffed into the bin. So I'll leave that for you to ponder on. Wow. The casket, because I remember when my papa died, my dad was like, he's going to hate this

because we're spending all this money on the casket and it's just going to get burnt. Does the casket get burnt or can you hire them? If it's just a cremation, what do you want a casket for? You can pop them out and put them in. Sure, sure. Some funeral homes do hire them but what we normally do is we put a liner,

like a thin little MDF casket inside a nice casket just for the funeral so it looks nice when everyone's there and present but then when the body's taken away we'll take the body out of that nice casket and just cremate the liner with the body in it. So that's upon family's request. Different cultures don't like to do that because it's like they don't want to use a casket that somebody else has already been in, and that's okay. But for the sake of the world in which we live in now,

let's not waste money if we don't need to. Is there a legal requirement of the minimum of what someone can be buried in or cremated in in New Zealand? What about a cardboard box? Yeah, I was thinking more like a linen wrap or something like that. Yes, as long as when you have a cremation, burial's okay, it could be pretty much anything. As long as there's a flat surface underneath to lower the body safely into the ground. And the same with the cremation.

The body's actually, it shoots into the fire pretty quickly. So it needs to be contained into something that will hold the body. So if we just put the body in a cloth shroud and try and push it in, it won't slide in. It needs to be a flat bottom because it's got to be done quickly, so that's why it could be a cardboard, anything that'll contain and hold the body from just falling all over the place. A giant Sistema. That's okay.

Like a Pistema? No, not plastic. You couldn't go plastic, can you, could you? You can't do plastic, no. Plastic, what? Sorry, Carsten? No. You couldn't go a plastic thing underneath to skid them into the-

Not plastic. It's usually wood so that it would burn quickly. Wow. Yeah. For you, how do you deal with the emotion of it all? Because you'll be carrying a lot of people's emotions. They'll be leaning on you. How do you go home at the end of the day and kind of refresh?

Yes. How do I do that? Talking to my wife, playing with the kids. Ten years ago, I honestly could have been put into a mental hospital. I just went crazy.

Like, holy, I just lived such a sad life. I was so sad for everyone that died. But I've learned new techniques with work. And work, that grief is not my grief. And I will not own it and I will not have it. I'll go home to my children and wife who are alive and well and live life. I used to just take it all home and go, oh, darling, today I buried a five-year-old child.

And it's just too much. It just ate away at you. And causes of death, how children die, how people, you know, murders and homicides, they just, I was like, wow, I'm going to be a mess. So it's too much. And so I learned ways on how to deal with it. And I think all funeral service staff, we all go through the training on how to deal with not owning and taking on grief.

Yes, you can care and love for someone, but it's a lot to not own it because, man, it's easy to fall into that trap. People struggle not to take their ordinary jobs home with them. And there's not the emotional buy-in that you would have as a funeral director. True, true. And so that's what we do. So it's just home is home. We have all the same issues like any other family. Children screaming, crying, homework to be done,

rubbish to be taken out, and just the normality of life is all I could ask for at home. Gets you out of it. Yeah. What is the most unique request you've had for a funeral? Yes. The most unique request is I've had a lady already buried at a cemetery and the late husband died and wanted to be lowered in the same grave on top of his wife. But he wanted to be turned upside down so he could be looking at his wife on top.

Oh, yes. So you want to be face down. Face down. Yes, yes. And upon asking the family, why would we do that? I could leave that answer to your imagination because it had been such a long time since he'd seen his wife.

He wanted to be on top of her in that manner. Yes. For the rest of eternity. What? She's got no chance to say get off me. And I honestly thought they were joking. I was like, oh, that's so funny, but no, it's not.

It was the truth. No, serious. And I thought, goodness me. So anyway, after asking the council staff, because it's a council cemetery, they declined. Because, you know, the sounds and what if he fell out through the lid and the screws wouldn't hold on? It would be a disaster.

Oh, right, so he was still face up in the casket. The whole casket was upside down. I thought that you'd just put him face down in his casket. No, no, no, he has to go in a casket. So you'd have to turn the casket over. When we turned it over, we'd hear a big thump because his head would hit the lid. Oh, no, Francis.

It would be awful. So I didn't want to do it, but thankfully the cemetery said, no, you cannot do that. And so I was like, look, let's just let their souls be together in heaven and do what they need to do up there. And let's just rest their physical bodies, you know, the right way up. I'm sure in heaven they can absolutely go at it. For the rest of eternity.

Of course. It certainly takes a special kind of person, Frances, to do the job that you do. Thank you so much for sharing that with us this morning. Really appreciate it. No worries. Thank you all. Fletchbourne and Hayley, have a good day. When are we getting

another season of The Casketeers? April. It'll start April. I'm not sure of the date, but sometime in April it'll start. And I'm not even sure

if I'm allowed to say that. Am I? No? Well, there's no TV and head person here to tell me. Here you go. We've got it.

Thank you so much, Francis. Okay. Thank you all. Take care. Thank you. Thanks. No worries. Thank you all. Flet. Ka kite. Thanks. No worries. Thank you all.

Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley, have a good day.