ZM's Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley - Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley Uncut Podcast - Lizzo!

Episode Date: March 23, 2023

Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley had a chat with Lizzo after her newly announced tour - this podcast includes all the rude bits we aren't allowed to play on-air!-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------Lizzo: The Special Tour 2023.  Wednesday July 26th, Spark Arena, Auckland   Tickets from livenation.co.nz  Head to ZM"s Facebook & Instagram for more chances to win!  See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

The ZM Podcast Network. Hi, ZM's Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley. Hi. I can't see anybody, is that? We want you to see us, we're stunning. We're like mum and dad, we're trying to figure out the internet here. Yeah. Which dot do I look at?

The printer's printing a test page. We have some sienna. Oh, I miss the Kiwi accent so much. It's a silly, silly accent. Oh, God. Now I'm going to play it up. It's a silly, silly accent. Hey, guys.

Hi, Lizzo. I mean, you say you miss the Kiwi accent. You're going to be hearing it all around you in July. You're coming to New Zealand. Oh, I can't fucking wait. I know you guys, y'all know how much I love the NZ, baby. Like, I live my life there. I have so much fun.

I just feel like when celebs come to New Zealand, they say that we had Ed Sheeran recently, and he was like, if he could live anywhere else in the world, if it wasn't for his job, he'd live in Wellington, New Zealand. Why don't you just come over? You know why? We all have a dumb reason. It's Lord of the Rings.

Yeah. We all saw that's Lord of the Rings. Yeah. We all saw that fucking making of the movie where they were in New Zealand and it just looked like fucking utopia. And we all think that we can just be hobbits and live in New Zealand. And maybe I'm infantilizing your news. I've got to be honest,

not a lot happens here, Lizzo. Have you been to Hobbiton? Are you going to go when you're here? Listen, motherfucker. You don't even know. I want to go to Hobbiton so bad. Like, I didn't get to go last time. I don't think we were there long enough.

I went to the beach. I went to the beach where I would fucking live. No, don't go to the beach. Our beach is famously full of human. No, don't go to the beach. Our beach is famously full of human waste. You don't go to our beaches. You've got to go to Hobbiton. It's like a drive away from Auckland. You could do it.

We'll take you. A drive is how far for you? Like three hours maybe? Two and a half? Okay, we can helicopter. Oh my gosh, she's Lizzo. I'm so embarrassed. I'm like offering to drive her in my car.

We'll get you a chopper. And then you ask Lizzo to chip in for gas at the petrol station. You're like, ah, just 20 bucks. $20. I get the snacks at the gas station. Yes. Okay, you're on snacks. Good, good, good, good, good, good, good.

Now you've been touring. You got um more tours coming up and new zealand is there anything you take on tour to make it easier because you must just be it must just be hotels performing hotels performing is it hard you know i had my favorite thing of all time my favorite stuffed animal my man this last tour it like literally made the european tour feel like a vacation what's your what's your stuffed toy did you say it's a man it's a man it's a how how tall is this man wait how big is this man what are we talking for two oh a bit short for me actually actually, because I really, I go for the big boys. Yeah.

You go for the big boys? Yeah. Who goes for the big boys? So what is this? Is it a body pillow shaped like a man? Is that what we're talking about? I've got a man's face screen printed on? It's an actual man.

Oh, an actual man. Yeah, I've got one of those. And I'm going to take him on tour. Yeah. I'm a stuffed animal kind of sewer. Can you? I have so many stuffed animals. Let me show you guys.

See, because I still sleep with a big man every night. But I still sleep with my teddy bear I've had since I was three years old as well. His name's Kwali. Oh. Oh. Oh, my goodness. Yeah. Grow Goose Squishmallow. Ohmallow oh i gotta get me are they are these all squishmallows i don't know about these squishmallows that all my children talk about oh my god there's another one a bigger one mr smelly nose i've had mr smelly nose since i was i don't even remember

like maybe three years old. Oh my God. I love that. Does his nose still smell? Was he like a teddy bear that was like a bit of a scratch and sniff situation? Yes, he's a scratch and sniff. Oh my God, bitch, I can't talk. He's a scratch and sniff. Look how fucking ragged he is.

Lizzo, my teddy bear that I sleep with every night is so ratty and brown. My partner's like, get him out. Oh, look. This was all glitter when I first got him. Not anymore. I scratched all the glitter off. Oh. Do you ever consider taking Mr. Scratch and Sniff onto stage with you?

Oh, he has – no, he's super anxious. Oh, he has, no, he's super anxious. Oh my God, he's so sweet. What did his nose smell of? I'm guessing strawberry, just on the color alone. Oh, nice. It smelled like Christmas. It was almost a sweet, Christmassy, cranberry, you know, holly pine needly smell.

Does your boyfriend your aka 6.2 inch boyfriend does he keep this beer in the bed with you? Does he keep what with me? Does your boyfriend sleep with this beer as well?

What is beer? Beer? Does your boyfriend sleep with this beer as well? What is beer? Bear? You said beer. Beer. Beer. It's a beer. Beer. This is a bear.

Bear. It's a beer. Bear. Yeah, it's either the beer you drink or the beer the animal. Yeah, or I'm beer naked. They're all the same. Yeah, or I'm beer naked. They're all the same. Beer, beer, and beer. Beer and bear.

But you say beer and beer. Beer, beer, beer, beer. Beer, beer, beer. It's all the same. We do not give ours enough respect. No. We roll over them. And the cargo does.

They roll over their eyes like a Scottish. Yeah, they do. Grrr. Grrr. Wait, give me a good phrase to say with a Kiwi accent, please. It's cold. Sweet as. Sweet as, bro.

Sweet as, bro, is pretty. What about if I said, would you like to have a beer on my dick? What? Wait, what does that mean? It's like, would you like to consume a beer on my wooden porch? On my dick. Dick. Dick. Your dick. Your dick. Deck. Deck. wooden porch on my dick dick dick dick

would you like to have a beer on my dick yes that's pretty good and then if I said to you I would like that you'd say sweet as bro sweet as bro sweet as bro

yeah bro she's ready would like that, you'd say sweet as bro. Sweet as bro. Sweet as bro. Yeah, bro. She's ready. I don't think I got it. Well, you've got a bit of time to practice. You're here in July, Lizzo. We're so excited to see you in New Zealand in July. We'll take you to Hobbiton

and we can have a beer on the deck. Baby. Yeah, baby. We'll see you on the big deck. Oh my God, girl. I think it's called a stage. Yeah. It's called a throbbing penis. Excuse me?

Smith. Crikey dick. Crikey dick. I'm sorry, Lizzo. I'm sorry, Liz I'm sorry Lizzo can you have some respect please Vaughn I wasn't saying her

I was just saying that's what it's called oh my god Lizzo thank you so much for chatting to us robbing penis goodbye bye Lizzo

bye thanks so much oh my god naughty see ya see ya later actually I'm gonna have to stop you there that's copyrighted Oh my God, naughty. See ya, see ya later. Actually, I'm going to have to stop you there. That's copyrighted.

Suzy Cato's a very good friend of mine. She's already sued me twice, so if you could maybe get her to drop her litigious action, that would be great. Tell her I'll review her five stars if she does the same for this podcast, and then she tells all her friends. And if you're listening, maybe give it five stars as well.