ZM's Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley - Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley's Big Pod - 10th April 2024

Episode Date: April 9, 2024

Americans with Sore Eyes  Silly Little Poll!  Top 6: Enhanced Games  5 On Time!  New Show Jingle?  Indie's Math  Fact of the Day Day Day Day Daaaaay!See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

The ZM Podcast Network. The Flesh, Vaughan and Hayley Big Pod. Great things are brewing at McCafe. The perfect start to every day. Good morning, welcome to the show. Flesh, Vaughan and Hayley, it's two minutes past six. Hump day already. Hump day already.

New episode of your podcast today. Oh my God, oh my God. This is my favourite. Okay, I know I've said that for literally the past nine episodes, but this is my favourite episode, for sure. Why is it your favourite? This is the one where we're recording it and then I was laughing and then suddenly I was crying and I couldn't work at it.

You know those kind of like... Me and Morgan and Helen all had a bit of a sort of mental breakdown. Okay, so this is episode nine and that means that the next step is the question, the Q&A. Yeah. Is that right? Okay. I can't tell you the information of what happens in episode nine. On paper,

Morgan has the ultimate boyfriend experience. I know this story. You know this story too. This is one of the stories that I've heard whispers of. Yeah, Morgan told me this story while we were waiting one of the stories that I've not, like I've heard whispers of. Morgan told me this story while we were waiting at an airport.

And she was trying to keep her voice down like in the airport. Yeah. I was like, oh my God. Let's just say like, she goes all the way.

She goes as far as she could possibly go. It's a great ep. It's just my favourite. It's my favourite by far. Tonight at seven and eight, we're going to play five on time. Still $50,000 up for grabs. We give you a 3-2-1 countdown.

You say time at exactly five seconds, 5.00 seconds, to win the cash. And we'll transfer it to you. Or you're just going to say time. It's yours. You're going to say time. I honestly would have thought this would have been won by now. What if we get to Christmas? What if we get to Christmas? It's yours. You can't say time. I honestly would have thought this would have been won by now. What if we get to Christmas? What if we get to Christmas?

It's April. Someone has to land on it by then. Surely. Well, it's up for grabs. Seven o'clock. Your next chance to listen out for the activator. The top six on the way. The top six things you'll see at the enhanced games.

Baby, they're happening. I've been calling for these for decades. Let them take as many steroids as they want. Is that what it is? Yeah. This is wild that this is a thing. Yeah. So the head of

the Olympics is like, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. And we're all like... You're doing the accent there. No, no, no. I was just like... Where's he from? Wow, where's he from The guy from the Head of the Olympics France Oh non non non non non

Non non non non non Is it I don't know if he is French I think the last time I saw him speak He Non non non non non non Had a French vibe

Olympic committee Head of the Olympics Thomas Thomas Bach Thomas Bach German Nein nein nein nein nein He is German

Yeah he is Nein nein nein nein nein That's, nein He is German, yeah he is Nein, nein, nein, nein, nein That's what he said, yeah That's what he says That's what he said, yeah Ah, but all the rest of us are like Yes, yes, yes, yes Oui, oui, oui

We'll watch, watch, watch, watch Top six things we'll see at the Enhanced Games Hayley Welland, airline in the USA Has come up with a cheeky, cheeky way to make some extra money off of its passengers. We all pay for checked baggage now. That's a thing now. We're used to that.

Of course. What is it now? Air New Zealand's $20? Ish, yeah. Add a bag. Doesn't it get more expensive the closer to your flight? Oh, and if you do it at the airport, it's expensive. But if you're at the airport and there's been a miscalculation,

go in the app and do it on the app rather than at the desk. Oh. Is that a little tip there from you? And was it $20 instead of $40 or whatever? Because we were there and she's like, oh, you've booked. I'd booked the wrong. So because we've got Kauru Club through work. Yep. oh you've booked I'd book the wrong so because classic don't let Vaughn book anything

we've got Kodu Club Drew work yep and so I said to Sade don't book a seat I don't book a bag right

because I get two bags book me a bag I get a free bag you get then we get a free bag yep she booked her Sade booked it

her seat and bag but not you but I just got the seat oh yes so I didn't see it was her fault yeah now on the way down they let us away with it Her seat and bag. But not you. But I just got the seat. Oh, yes. So it wasn't necessarily her fault. Yeah.

Now, on the way down, they let us away with it. She said, I can see that there's been a misunderstanding. Yes. But on the way back, wasn't loving it. So she was like, that's $45 or $50 or something. I was like, but it's only $20 in the app. And she looked at me and I was like, just hold your horses. I'll do it on the app.

And you did it on the app before you checked in. Okay, well, that's a good tip. Well, in America, check bags. And this is a tip if you are travelling in America. Pretty much every airline, you have to pay for your baggage extra. It's not, it doesn't

even give, I don't think when you're booking it even gives you the option, maybe. Right. So, $35 to $45 US dollars. Oh wow. For a Right. So, $35 to $45 US dollars for a bag. So, if you're, you know, from New Zealand, that's what, $65, could be $70 New Zealand for a bag. And you've got this cheap flight and you're like, wicked. But then you're adding a bag and it soon adds up.

Well, JetBlue, an airline in America, one of the airlines which charges for bags, is introducing surge prices for checked bags. For popular times. Yes. So you go away for the 4th of July weekend or school holidays or spring break or any public holiday. They are going to make it more for a checked bag. It's going to go up to from $35 to $65. That's not cool, my dude.

Yikes. That's such a leap. Do it in $5 increments, you dudes. Yeah. So $50 for the first bag and then $70 for the second. Ugh.

Ugh. You're just going to have to do, you're going to have to combine all the travel hacks we talked about before. You've got to get your fishing vest on. You've got to get your neck pillow filled with these socks and your undies. Yeah, we're talking.

You've got to wear four pairs of pants and three jackets and sweat it through. You'll get to the other end. You'll be fine. And hope they don't weigh you bad. Screw that. That's a joke. I know. Greedy.

Greedy. Can you look up JetBlue's worth, you know, like what the company is worth? They probably don't need it. I think they're in financial trouble. Are they in strife, are they? I think they might be in strife. 2.4 billion strife. Doing it tough, aren't they? Strife. A lot of strife, yeah. USD.

Tell you what, 2.4, that's what I call strife. Yeah. Next on the show, speaking of Americans, oh, there has been a rise in America of one Google search after yesterday's eclipse. Says a lot, really, doesn't it? Oh, it speaks volumes.

Clay, Zed M's, Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley. I said that I, like the eclipse that was in America and then Morgan, Penn, sexologist said, no, we had it too. But we didn't see it like they saw it, right? No, we didn't have it. No, we didn't have it. No, we didn't have it. Oh, she's dumb. She's a dumb dumb.

Is she a dumb dumb? What's in your head? What's going on? I don't know. We were saying yesterday something was in the air. We were like, you know, something's in the zhoo-zhoo. In the air. Yeah, right.

Or maybe just everybody was tired. I think everybody was just tired from Daylight Savings. Yeah, I think that's what it is. Anyway, but the eclipse, it's like all over the news because in America it was a perfect solar eclipse like the middle of the day. And they made that amazing map where, you know, there was that whole corridor where you could see it

went into Mexico as well. Yeah, yeah, yeah, totally. So people have been watching it and everyone got their goggles ready and their protective layers and whatnot. But according to Google, a lot of people didn't protect their eyes. And there has been a rise in the sentence, why do my eyes hurt? Well, you weren't supposed to raw dog it.

You're not meant to raw dog. I did see some people raw dogging it. You sort of think, because sometimes if I look at the sun, I'll be like, I could just have a little looky. And I'll like squint my eyes. It's like when you see someone welding. I know you're not meant to look at that, but I'm always just like, I'll have a look.

I'll have a look. So they issued all these warnings. It's the macula, which is part of the retina. That's the bit that you can damage. And you can either burn it temporarily or permanently. So people raw-dog the eclipse. So they've been raw-dogging the eclipse and you can either burn it temporarily or permanently. Okay, so people raw-dogged the eclipse. So they've been raw-dogging the eclipse and then be like,

oh, fuck, ow, my eyes, and then Googling it and there's literally like, you know when they do those peaks in Googles? Yeah. There's a little graph and it's like, boom. And I bet that correlates exactly to where the eclipse was in parts of America. Yeah, and it'd like follow it along. So, and then they were, apparently they were also issuing warnings for like pets because pets can like just be like, and then if they get catch at the wrong moment.

So put your pets inside for an eclipse. Yeah. People were putting on the glasses to look at the eclipse, but they keep looking at the sun to be like, is it time for the eclipse yet? And they'll be like, no. So all that time they were looking straight at the sun to see if it was ready.

Then when the eclipse came, they popped the glasses on and looked and said, oh yeah. But they'd just been spending all this time walking straight at the sun being like, is it ready yet? Yes. Did you see that amazing photo of the plane just passing the eclipse with the trail? It wasn't the old Concorde picture?

No, it was one that was taken yesterday. Oh, they did another one. It was incredible. Yeah. I'm just looking at it. Space in a Nutshell is an Instagram account I follow, and just coincidentally, I'm looking now at their post. They got a total eclipse in Hamilton, Ontario.

Oh, yeah. So Hamilton, Canada. Oh, okay. Is it the same kind of Hamilton? Like, is it? Looks pretty Hamilton-y. Does it? Okay. Looks pretty Hamilton, Canada. Oh, okay. Is it the same kind of Hamilton? Like, is it? Looks pretty Hamilton-y. Does it? Okay.

Looks pretty Hamilton. By that, you mean a beautiful landlocked city. Yeah, yeah. It's gorgeous. That's exactly what I meant, Vaughn. That's gorgeous. That's exactly, yeah. High quality, high calibre funk.

Yep. Amazing video of the eclipse, though. Right. Because it goes completely dark where they are, but if you look off into the distance, the sun's still hitting over there. Yeah, a little bit. So it looks completely dark where they are but if you look off into the distance the sun's still hitting over there. Yeah, a little bit.

So it looks like a sunset but it's not. I'll send you the video. Shall I? It's pretty cool. Would you like to see that? Would you like that? Do you want that?

Yeah, I mean it's not as bad as some of the stuff you've seen in the group chat. How long's the video? You want it? Yeah. You want it? How long's the video? Not long. Okay. 30 seconds tops. Okay, send it. Send it to the group chat. How long's the video? You want it? Yeah. You want it?

How long's the video? Not long. Okay. 30 seconds tops. Okay, send it. Send it to the group. It's sent to the group. 18 past 6.

If you would like to see it, I can send it to you too. No. No, don't spend the day sending the video. It's quite Google-able. Just send, hey, Vordo, that sounds great. No, you can Google it. What's our text number? 9696. Yeah. Play ZM's Fletch, Vordo, that sounds great. No, you can Google it. What's our text number? 9696.

Yeah. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley. Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley. Silly little pole. Silly little pole. It is so silly, silly, silly. That silly little pole. Silly little pole.

Silly little pole. Silly little pole. Silly Little Pole Silly Little Pole Silly Little Pole Silly Little Pole today is do you wash your reusable shopping bags? Never. I've never washed one. Nah. Ever.

Do you know what? I was like, no. But then I, like, if I had canvas totes that I use every now and then for a bit of everything, sometimes a grocery, sometimes a travel, I'll wash those, like, once in a blue moon when they spill. Chicken juice. Chicken, but yeah,

like bachelor's handbag juice. But no, not your bloody reusable bags that we all know and love. Was this a thing during the pandemic? You weren't allowed to take reusable bags in?

No, you're making that up, sweetie horn. You're imagining things. Nah, sweetie horn, I'm not making that up. Yeah, you weren't allowed

to bring them in. You weren't allowed to take them into the supermarket. No, you had to. In our little local, sort of like a mini supermarket, when we did that lockdown. What, because they thought they had COVID on them? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, my God.

Because it was bringing in too much from your house. Remember, we had to wear gloves. We were in gloves. Gloves and masks. I remember masks. I remember gloves. I don't know why I never wore gloves. That first round. And then we wore gloves, and then remember gloves. That first round and then

we wore gloves and then we'd take them off and then we'd wash all of our groceries. Yeah, I remember washing all the groceries. Because they didn't know if it was on surfaces, sweetie. If it survived on the surfaces, Han. God, the wild times. Do you wash your reusable shopping bags? 11% of people said yes. 89%

of people saying no way. That's more than I thought. Yeah. Watching it. Raphael, who we've heard from a couple of times lately. The Ninja Turtle. The Ninja Turtle. One of my favourite. I love all the Ninja Turtles.

I watched that new Ninja Turtles yesterday that Seth Rogen made. Oh, yeah. I really liked it. This is no surprise. The Ninja Turtles are near and dear to my heart. I thought you said you were really busy yesterday. Oh, I had to do something while I was eating lunch. And then after dinner, I sat down and watched the Ninja Turtles are near and dear to my heart. I thought you said you were really busy yesterday. I had to do something while I was eating lunch, and then after dinner I sat down and watched the Ninja Turtles.

So you watched Ninja Turtles while you were eating lunch? I watched 30 minutes of Ninja Turtles over lunch, and then after dinner I finished off the Ninja Turtles movie. You need to grow up. No, he doesn't. I really liked it. You're all good. I love the Ninja Turtles.

It reminds me of my childhood. Okay. Raphael, so every time I read this name now, there's a little bit of joy in that as well. Most time I forget them at home, so I buy a new paper bag. Yes, my king. I hate that. How many paper bags are you currently rocking in the drawer

that used to hold the plastic bags? No, we use them for recycling. Oh, so you get a second use out of them. Yeah, if your bin's full, you kind of like fill up recycling and stuff and then carry it out because it's paper. I use them to wrap Christmas presents. It's actually not a bad idea. It's not a bad idea.

Not a bad idea if they fit in. Lame gift. Cut off the handles. Yep. Tape it shut. Yeah, perfect. Gorgeous. Dan says,

of course I do. My reusable bags are a symbol of how much cultured, how much more cultured than the plebs or maybe how gay I am because they're all totes from musicals I've been to.

Yeah, that's gay. I only watch them when they're minging though. So is this a musical thing? Musicals always have a tote bag. A canvas tote. And Dan's, I'm imagining Dan's crockery cup is absolutely chocker with cats mugs. With yeah, cats. Miss Saigon, he'll have a Miss Saigon.

Aaron's got Phantom, Lamers, Miss Saigon from every amateur He'll have a Miss Saigon. Yeah, Aaron's got Phantom, Lamers, Miss Saigon from every amateur theatre production he's ever been in. What's that? Amateur theatre productions are ever making cups? Yeah, yeah, yeah. And we can't get cups. Where are our cups?

Yeah, you should get cups. We should get some cups. Those yuck cups don't go in the new kitchen, though, do they? No, they're in a bag in the garage. Oh, they should never see the light of day. I was going to say. Oh, God, no. So he poured his heart and soul into that amateur production.

Yeah, great. And his heart and soul is in the garage. You know? Lorna says, because occasionally they need a wash, yes, and leaving dirt, grime, et cetera, without washing, where's out the fabrics? Oh, okay. That doesn't matter, Lorna.

There's a million more reusable bags where that came from. Yeah. Sometimes if a bit of chicken juice spills in it, I'll just chuck the whole bag. I'll be like, you're out. You're done. You're done. You're a dash.

Yeah. Only if they get meat juice on them, says Kate, or anything else spills on them, then she'll wash the meat juice. That's when I'm just binning it. Most supermarkets these days are selling meat in, like, the insane plastic rack now. Yeah, I know. So much.

Like, in those big, hard plastic containers and then a hard plastic lid. Yes. And they're a nightmare to wash out those plastic containers because they've got a built-in pad.

Yeah, and the juice sits in the bottom and then you've got to wash it out to go into recycling and you put the tap on it and it just goes whee! Everywhere.

Yeah. Oh no. Son of a gun. Laura says, wait, should we be washing our reusable bags? Is this a thing? Absolutely not. Not according to these results, Laura.

Brianne says, no, but sometimes I hang it on the washing line in the sun and the breeze for a little bit. Oh yeah, okay. I also use veggie bags for chicken and its juices so my bags don't get meat juices leaked in them. Oh yeah, okay, good. So that seems counterproductive.

Having meat bags but not wanting the meat juice in them. That's chicken juice. Always very juicy chickens. I barely have time to wash my clothes let alone my reusable shopping bag, says Sarah. Yeah, that's fair. Oh, I found a mouse poo in mine yesterday, said Alana, so I literally

washed all one million of them. Otherwise, no, I just keep buying more. Yeah, buy more, buy more. You're also taking the mackie with how much you're charging for those, ain't I? I know. Even the paper bags have gone up. Yeah.

Yeah, get a grab. Grumpy Lisa? What did she say? What's she got to say for herself? If they get manky because I don't double bag the chicken and it slops out, then yes, I will. Damn it. I have the ones that are the soft material,

so they get popped in the machine for a quick wee wash. I don't need seven-day-old chicken snot making the bag crispy. Thank you, my dear friends. Yeah, fair call. I'd be washing that too. Fair call, and thank you for calling us friends. Yes. Because we've established she's grumpy because she works so hard.

Yeah, remember that. Never forget. Never forget. Never forget. That's a little poem. This is a trend that's going around TikTok at the moment. And it is people are trying to say a sentence that they don't believe would have ever been said before. So like almost like a nonsensical,, it has to kind of be sensical,

otherwise you could just say like, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, and be like, that's never been said before. I reckon that's been said before. I reckon that's been said before. Versions of it, I think. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. That's definitely been said before. Here's an example.

I hereby leave my collection of used bicycle tyres, a tin of cat food, a bag of old socks and a manual of handy hints for retired plumbers to Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth Alexandra Mary Windsor. Probably never been said before. This reminds me of in the early 2000s and then again in like 2015 when everyone was just like, I'm just a little bit random.

I'm so random. Oh my God. That was what I just said. I just a little bit random. I'm so random. Oh, my God. That was what I just said. I just heard myself say it. I am so random. Oh, my God. Random. Random.

People are always like, oh, my God. Siri, you're so random. Wait, I saw another one I really liked. It made me, it tickled me deeply. Long, nonsensical. In fact, there was a time this was sort of British sketch shows

were just like who can make a sketch show of just this absurdist never been seen or thought of before nonsense

strung together yeah totally I was trying to think of one but then you sort of just lose like it still has to make grammatical sense milk in the hedge

how stars be crinkly. What? I scratched the Pope's lean calf muscle for it had woolly itch on it. That could have been said before. But how? Yeah.

I always think this, like, I wonder what, like, do you ever think this when you're flying over New Zealand? Has anybody been there? Yes. Like, stood right there.

Exactly there. I think this all the time. Every time you fly to Wellington or Christchurch from Auckland, there's a part where you're going over the king country. Yeah. And you look down and you're like, has anybody ever been there? Yes. Has anybody ever been there? Because you still, you can see it.

It's basically the South Island. In the Southern Alps, I do the same thing. I'm always like, there's a road there. Yeah, no one stood to the left of that peak there and stood there. Yeah. And I think this is what this itch is that people are like exploring.

Like, I want to do something that's literally never been done before, but because we're so far ahead since Adam and Eve. It's the same with the ocean. It's so vast and so massive when I'm in a plane flying over it, I'm like, I wonder if a fish has ever been there. Yes! I'd be the same! Or that's just a spot that fish don't go. Yeah, and there'll be points

in the ocean that like no boat has been over. Well, this is the same thing. You can say a sentence that's never been said before. You just got to think hard. Should we go explore those? Should we go explore the South Island and go into the mountains and be like, I reckon no one stood here.

But if no one stood there, how are we getting there? What about if a helicopter lowered you into the remotest part of Fiordland? Yeah. Like on a rope. And then you just stood there and you're like, okay, no one stood here. And then the Fiordland mo Yeah. Like on a rope. And then you just stood there and you're like, okay, no one stood here. And then the Fiordland moose

is standing there and it's like, hey. I thought I was the only one. And you're like, was not expecting you today. This is most unexpected, but also kind of expected.

Can we just keep this between ourselves though? Between man and moose? Yeah. We'll keep this as man and moose. I'm going to keep this quiet. Moo? Between man and moose? Yeah. We'll keep this as man and moose. I'm going to keep this quiet. Moo. Is that what moose is?

Is that how you're talking to the moose? I'll try it. Pretty sure they wouldn't moo. What noise do mooses make? No, more like a deer. They like do that really throaty roar, don't they? Like what? Like a monster.

Sound of a moose. Imagine seeing a moose and it's like, oh. Rawr. Sound of a moose. Imagine seeing a moose and it's like, oh. Rawr. Sound of a moose. Here's some moose sounds. Okay. Jesus. I wasn't expecting that.

Rory Grunt thing. It's like a gagging cow. Yeah. Play. ZM's Fletchvorn and Hayley. It's like a gagging cow. Play. ZM's Fletchvorn and Hayley. From the panoramic ZM think tank, this is the top six.

The Enhanced Games. This is a game that the games will not drug test. Enhancedgames.org. Let me read this to you. The Enhanced Movement believes in the medical and scientific process of... What did I do that for? My window just shut down. The Enhanced Movement believes in the medical and scientific process of elevating humanity to its full potential.

Through a community of committed athletes. All roided up. Drugged up. It's not that they don't do the work. You know, like, they still go to the gym and stuff, but it's like, it's a bit embarrassing, isn't it? Enhanced world records, by the way, a world record set by people who were on drugs.

Yes. Who lost their world records because of the drug tests. Right. But now have a world record in the enhanced world records. Okay. Probably Lance Armstrong, highest recorded pace in touring, cycling. Yeah. And he got that in 2005 when he was doing blood switches.

Remember Tyson Gay, the relay runner? Yes. He's got a world record of the enhanced games. Anyway, they're saying, let's do it. Let's just do it. All athletes, and there's the website, it's real science, it's real, it says enhanced athletes will be paid fairly.

All athletes competing in the enhanced games will be paid. Eligible athletes will receive a base salary and compete for prize winnings. So they're turning it into like, it's some kind of like wrestling kind of tournament, like some kind of pay TV thing. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

That's what I... Yeah, right. That sort of pay-per-view event. Yeah, it's got that kind of feel to it. I'm going to see some people doing crazy stuff with their bodies. Well, I've got the top six things we'll see at the Enhanced Games. Number six on the list is very highly likely to happen. A human just burst into flames.

Just spontaneously combust. Because they're so... They're so... And the internal temperature is just harming. Like their heart is just like, now I catch fire. Number five on the list of the top six things you're likely to see at the Enhanced Games. You're likely to see a human fly. Literally go high jump and just never come down.

Oh, I thought you meant like... Oh, like a half human, half fly. Okay. Well, that's actually number four on the list. Is it? The top six things you'll see at the enhanced games. A human-dolphin hybrid win the swimming. Okay.

Enhanced? Where does it stop? Could you be like, I will enhance myself with the DNA of another species. I will sew on the bottom half of a dolphin. Yeah, I will be a merman. Yeah, but if you go dolphin, you'll be very horny because they get horny, don't they, dolphins?

And you won't have genitals because you've taken off your bottom half. Yeah. Unless you put the genitals up above somewhere on the chest. Nah. Nah, because it won't all be connected. I don't want them there. It might stop your swimming, might get in the way.

Yeah. Or it could go down like a keel and add to the swimming turn. Number three on the list of the top six things you'll see at the

Enhanced Games. A skeleton leap out of a human body. Just literally detach from everything and just fly out of there. Yes.

A skeleton. I was trying to think maybe they were running so fast that they're like, the skeleton's moving and the skin kind of tears off. Yeah, but a bit of tissue on the top. Number two on the list of the top six things you'll see at the Enhanced Games. One human ate another human in a fit of rage that everybody's too scared to stop.

Just straight up start eating. Roid rage. Yeah, roid rage. Just straight up eat them. And number one on the list of the top six things you'll see at the Enhance Games, tiny, tiny, tiny balls. Like tiny little pea-sized testicles. Is that what happens when you do the roids, eh?

Testicle shrink. Is that a thing? Maltesers. Like as big as a Malteser. And titties. Puffy behind the neck. I wonder if I could see steroid testicles. I am on the work Wi-Fi.

It's not the worst thing you've Googled on the work Wi-Fi though, is it? Jesus, no. Maltesers? Don't show me, you know, I want to see the actual ball. Nah, I can't.

A lot of acne. A lot of acne. Yeah, there'll be a lot of that too. A lot of acne. A lot of rage. That is today's top six. ZM's Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley. Stop the clock, win the cash. With ZM's Five on Time. And we welcome Jane

to Five on Time. Good morning, Jane. Good morning, guys. Good morning. Now, what's your strategy for Five on Time? Are you running a stopwatch or are you counting in the head? I'm kind of just going to say my kids' names in my head and hope that it sort of

ends around five. Oh, how many syllables in the kids' names? Like, is it one Mississippi, two Mississippi, one Brayden, one Jayden? Yeah, I've got a Kayden, so.

A Kayden? Of course you do. Does he get in trouble? Does Kayden get in trouble a bit? Yeah. He's a little shit, isn't he? Yeah, I've got a Caden. A Caden? Of course you do. Does he get in trouble? Does Caden get in trouble a bit? Yeah. He's a little shit, isn't he? Yeah, we know. You're doomed if you're naming him Caden. He's probably going to be an angel. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Alright, well, let's see if this

works for you, Jane. You get a 3-2-1 beep countdown, and then you've got to say time at exactly 5.00 seconds. If you do that, you win $50,000. Are you ready? Yeah, I'm ready. Three, two, one.

Time. I'm feeling a 5.4. Yeah, I reckon it's over. I reckon it's a 5.5. But again, I'm just free-balling here. Yeah, I know.'s over. I reckon it's a 5.5. But again, I'm just free-balling here. Yeah, I know. We're raw-dogging. We didn't do that. I was cadening.

It's a lot of money, Jane. What would you do with $50,000? The sensible answer would probably be get married to my partner, but the nice one, I might buy him a race car. A race car? I like you a lot, actually, Jane. Yeah, you sound fun, Jane.

Jane, do you put a Y in the middle of your Jane? Absolutely. Oh, my God, me too. You're a Hayley Jane with a Y. You and Jane are two peas in a pod. I would also buy race cars. And I've seen you at Disturbed. Yeah, my girl. Yeah, Michael.

Oh, my God. You are two peas in a pod. We've got a couple of twinsies on our end. We've got a couple of twinsie Janes here. All right, let's go to... You're finding this quite funny, aren't you, Vaughn? No, it's just been great, great, great, great, great, great. JP!

Now, let's go to Timekeeper Jared. Good morning. Good morning, Jared. Now, it feels like a 5.4 to me. I thought it was a bit shorter. Well, you can tell us. So, in your head, Jane, you were going Caden, Caden, Caden. I was saying like their first and middle names.

I've got three kids. Right. So how was that going in your head then? Say it now. Caden, John, Corbin, David, Lexi, Rose, Tyne. A little bit slower. I tried to take a deep breath. Lexi, Rose.

And that's five seconds. Because I was counting along and she wasn't long after me. So, I don't know. It could have worked. It could be the answer. So, you would either buy a race car or get married. Yep. Okay.

Maybe throw in a little dog, too. She's gone crazy. Of course you were some yappy little thing. Okay, timekeeper producer Jaron. Jane. Yes? Do you have any names picked out for that dog?

No, it would be something like Wilson or something. Wilson. Named after the ball off Castaway? Yeah. Yeah. I like you, Jane. You're a lot of fun, Jane. Well, I try. That boy of yours is a rat bag. Also, Jared does this. He starts asking questions. He gets people excited. He's got a smile on his voice. Now you think you're getting a dog, Jane, and he's about to break your heart.

Please don't break my heart. Well, welcome to the family, Wilson. You've just won $50,000. What? Oh, my God. Are you kidding me? That's.00. What?

Jane! You're not kidding me? Yep. Jane! Oh, my me! Jane! I've zoomed in as much as I could. It's right there on my screen. 5-0-0.

Oh, Jane! We were mucking around with you! You're getting a race car, you're getting a dog! Jane, you just won $50,000! Oh my God! Oh my God, I tried not to swear. It's okay. You can have one, just make it one of the little ones. Make it a little one, not an F.

Not the Fs and not the Cs. Oh, shit. There she goes, there she goes. Oh, my God. Oh, my God, it finally happened. Because it felt to me it was over five seconds. Yeah, in my head I was like, no, that's not going to win. Chuck a mark in, chuck a mark in, zoom in.

Oh, my God. Oh, my God, Jane. How are you feeling? I feel like this is a dream. It's not real. Oh, my God. Jane, wake up, Jane. I'm going to have to call in sick.

Oh, you're stuck. Dude, babe, you are. You're going to work today. Go to the pub. Go to the pub. You really are, don't. Dude, babe, you are going to work today. Go to the pub. Go to the pub! You really are, Hayley. Are you in Auckland? Come to the studio.

No, Hamilton. Oh, wow. Jane, that's incredible. $50,000. I've got to say, Jane, like, you are a kindred spirit, but when you said your methodology of counting, I was like, that's not going to work. That's so wrong.

People are stopwatching and stuff. It must have been so frustrating for people who are using stopwatches because the last couple of calls I've had, they're just like, I'll just see what happens. Yeah. And she's done it with just seeing what happens. Wow.

Jane, the very first winner of five on time and $50,000 after all these years. Oh, thank you guys so much. I'm very pleased that Jane got that. I'm very pleased. I'll send you a photo of the race car. Yes. I can't believe you're actually going to get the race car.

No way. This is a lot of money, Jane. Please be sensible. You must love him. Yeah, but marry him in In a race car, maybe. Get the race car. Drive the race car to the wedding where the dog will bring the rings down the aisle.

Oh, my God. You'll still have Spear as well. Oh, my God. I love this. Jane, congratulations. Well done. Thank you guys so much. Stay on the line.

You're going to talk to our producers, obviously. There's going to be a big bank transfer happening. There's going to be a big bank transfer happening. There's going to be a big bank transfer. I did that on a big novelty check. A big novelty check. It's got a big check. Like the old days, it does have a big check vibe. Put a transferable in the corner.

That is the end of Five on Time. It's done. One by Jay. I cannot believe it. That is the craziest way to win $50,000. I'm just going to say my kids' names, see what happens. I love it. That's how I bet on horses, too.

I pick the good names. Of course you do, Jane. I like you, Jane. Of course you do. And you probably wait until the pokies jackpots at $800, then you hit it pretty hard. No, I'm shit on the pokies. I'm shit on the pokies.

Don't you dare gamble this money on the pokies. Don't you dare. I really know. Make a sound investment like a race car. Okay. Which famously only ever cost you more money after you've got one. I love this. We've already got one. I'll just buy him a better one. Oh my

God. Well, you need to go ring this fella of yours. He's got a race car. You see it on yourself. Does your partner know? Is he listening? No, he won't be listening. Should we ring him and tell him? Here I say he doesn't listen to this station. You could, but he would drop some bad bombs.

You reckon he'd drop some bad sweeties? Yeah, I don't know. He has a filthy mouth. He's been so away, but we somehow manage in the mornings. Yeah. Oh, my God. I'm so happy for you, Jane. Enjoy.

Enjoy every dollar of it. Thank you guys so much. Next on the show, this just isn't going to be as fun, is it? It's not going to be as fun as giving away $50,000. Oh, I'm so glad it's gone. I'm so glad it's gone. How foolish.

Play ZM's Fletch Vodden Ailey. Play ZM. You've just joined us, moments ago we gave away to Jane in Hamilton $50,000 with five on time. It felt long to me. I've got to say it, such a rogue methodology of winning it and honestly a great yarn. I'm buzzing! Now, I believe we are going to tell Jane's partner, maybe. Oh, shit. Shall I do a little? She did say he's got a very foul mouth.

You have that finger of yours tied on the bloody mute button there. Yeah, I will. Jane, has it sunk in yet just during that Benson Boone 2 Minute 54 song? No. I'm still looking at the shed trying to picture a new one in there. Oh, God. You're at a speed.

What kind of... Your current race car, what kind of car is it? He races in Speedway, so he races a saloon. Okay, now... Oh, my God. What's your partner's name?

Rhys. Rhys. Rhys. Okay, now, we we're gonna put a call through to Rhys, I believe, and you may have to just tell him first that you're gonna be live on the radio, so don't swear, and then tell him the news. Okay. Okay. Okay, I believe he joins us now. Hey, babe. Hello. You're live on the radio. Oh, awesome.

I have something to tell you. You can't swear. Oh, that's going to be a bustle. I warned him. She warned us, Rhys. She has warned us. Try your best. I just won 50k.

Bullshit. Straight out the gate. That was a good swear word. That's way down the BSA's list, so that's fine. I know. I've seen all this stuff like, oh, maybe we'll get married finally. And then I was like, nah, I'll just buy you a new race car. And then I won.

You can't. maybe we'll get married finally. And then I was like, nah, I'll just buy you a new race car. And then I won. You have. You can't. But I can get a dog to weigh. Oh, no. Excuse me, Rhys. It's got a name, Rhys. It's called Wilson. Oh, how good.

Yeah, it is in fact true. Jane won $50,000 with five on time. It was exactly 5.00 seconds. And you guys are $50,000 richer. Are you at work, Rhys? Yeah, I am. I'm not coming in. Can you tell the boss?

Oh, you work together too? This is a real dream couple. Oh, you guys are so cute. Rhys, can you take the rest of the day off and go too? This is a real dream couple. Oh, you guys are so cute. Rhys, can you take the rest of the day off and go celebrate? Because I think Jane wants to go to the pub. We're going to the pub, eh? Absolutely. Yeah!

Watch out, Hamilton. Are there even any pubs open now? Shit, yeah, it's Hamilton, mate. We'll find some, eh? There'll be some tonight. They'll be serving breakfast. That's how they get around. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Hey, congratulations, guys.

Looking forward to seeing you. Thank you. You'll have to send us a picture of this race car and this dog. Yeah, I will. Absolutely. Sounds like one's definitely happening and one's probably out for debate, which is weird that you won the money. Well, if you want the race car, yeah.

Yeah, if you want the race car, you get the dog. Yeah. Yeah. Trade off. Yeah, good deal. Rh race car, you get the dog. Yeah. Trade off. Yeah, good deal. Rhys and Jane, congratulations. Winners of our $50,000. Five on time.

Thank you. And actually, well done, Rhys. Not too bad swear words. We'll take a BS. Good boy. That's fine. Yeah, that's time for him. Yeah, that's fine.

Very good boy. All right, next on the show, we want to talk subtitles. We do indeed. Who's using them? Aaron uses them. I love them. All right, next on the show, we want to talk subtitles. We do indeed. Who's using them? Aaron uses them. I love them. All shows, yeah. Lizzo, is that it?

Girl. Play. ZM's Fletchvorn and Hayley. Still buzzing from our Five on Time giveaway. Jane and Race. Jane and Race picking up the $50,000. Wow. Sorry to their boss

because they work together and buying a race car buying a race car and a dog and a Fletch can't comprehend I know some people that are in Speedway

and Speedway is their last I know but like every weekend it's so much money like save it or like

I don't know no but when you were just out of the studio talking about it I said to Vaughn, I was like, it's not real money. You just won it. It just came into your life. Why not have fun with it? Yeah, true. You know what I mean? Oh my God,

I loved that so much. I'd have so much fun putting a new septic system in, you know. Okay, so now I'm all for buying a race car. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Have a bit of fun with it. I'd love to take off just the tiniest slither of the amount of debt I have. That $50,000 would be like, you wouldn't even hear it drop. Now, let's talk about subtitles, the subtitles when you're watching shows.

Because you watch a lot of shows at the gym, Vaughan. You're always subtitles. Yeah. Even if I'm at home, I'll chuck subtitles on. I just like, nah. Subtitles. I hate them. I'll say it.

Read a book. Yeah. You know, I'm not here to read a book. Also, I'll chuck subtitles on. I just like subtitles. I hate them. I'll say it. Read a book. Yeah. You know? I'm not here to read a book. Also, I find they take away. Yes, because I'm watching the bottom of the screen, not the image. And I love the whole visual thing. And sometimes they are too soon.

And sometimes, yeah, they ruin gags because they deliver the line too early. Too early. And because I've been watching Kill Bill again. Kill Bill Volume 2 is one of my favourite films of all time. We were watching Volume 1 and there's lots of

Japanese in there. So I turn the subtitles off because I don't want the English subtitles on. Yeah. But then you don't, then it just speaks in Japanese with no translation.

No, they should be embedded. When they're not embedded properly. Drives me nuts. Now, this has been worked out by Age, who uses subtitles for English language TV by Age. I could not believe how many people use subtitles. Neither.

It's insane. But I also couldn't believe, when I explained why this particular group is using it the most, I understand why. So the least, people using subtitles the least, for English speaking people using English subtitles the least, is 55 and older. Yeah. Maybe it's kind of maybe wasn't really a feature forever more, so they're sort of used to it. And a lot of them aren't even using streaming anyway, are they? Yeah.

It's too hard. 60% of them are never, 21% sometimes, 19% as always. Then next from that, we go to the generation below with 35 to 54. Yeah. I was going to say that's us, but I actually just scrape into 18 to 34. Get in there, do you? Yeah, just get in there. So they're 37% of the time using them always. And then a huge jump,

18 to 34 year olds, us young people, for a few more months. For one more, yeah, for two more months. For a few more months. Yeah. Is 56% of them all the time.

Yeah, that's the thing. You can have the volume lower. I was watching something recently and the music was out of whack with how loud the volume was of the speech. Yeah, my speakers are that. Yeah. I think I've bought a bad soundbar. Right.

And it's like you have to blast it and then you've got to pull it back for the music and then you blast the dial. I hate it anyway. That's my own thing. And anyway, so they are hypothesising that maybe it's about the TikTok effect because TikTok is all about subtitles.

We were even talking to our social media producer, Shannon, about when we post videos that don't have subtitles compared to those that do, the subtitles perform better. Yeah, videos without subtitles get less views. Get less views.

Because the phone's on mute, right? Yeah, and so maybe this young generation is so used to subtitles because of TikTok and the likes with like auto captions and AI and all that and they're thick

and they can't hear very well. That maybe that's why they are represented so highly in the use of subtitles. It drives me nuts. I hate it. Well, we're screwed because what are they going to do for our show? Right now? No subtitles when you're listening in your car.

It's not accessible. You know? Cancelled actually. Could you just start writing out the show? Typing out the show. Like you're in a courtroom. What do they call those people? Stenographer? Stenographer.

Stenographer. Stenographer. Yep. Yeah. Come on, you should be typing all of this. I am typing all of this. You're not. No, I've just turned on.

I've just turned on. How are you doing this layered talk? I turned on voice to text. Well, good. It's all good. It's still going. Is it? Is it going word for word? Can you imagine the transcription of this absolute shit mess that we partake in every morning?

It'd just be pages and pages of gobbledygook. Gobbledygook? Gobbledygook? Random nonsense and gobbledygook. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley. Yesterday, completely out of nowhere, producer Jared hits the chat with a link. Yes. And he's like, this will blow your mind.

He just discovered the newest branch of the AI family, which is AI music. Yeah. Which was like, of course. A couple of years ago unthinkable so producer Jared this is is it an app

yeah it's a website called suno.ai s-u-n-o right now so tell us how you came to do this

because you have you've made some AI has made the Fleets Vaughan and Hayley show some jingles yeah so someone showed this to me yesterday and I was like

oh my god, this is attractive. So I typed in this little blurb into the box. A whimsical ditty about Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley. New Zealand's favourite comedy radio breakfast show. Stop it. Thanks for the little compliment.

Okay, keep going. Their iconic segments are Fact of the Day, Friday Flashback and The Impossible Phoner. And then I hit enter, chose a folkish type of tune. Okay. And it spat out a song, a jingle, that is a minute ten long. And I was like, when you sent this, I was like, here we go. Because you see some of the AI stuff.

The fingers. It's always the fingers. AI hasn't nailed the fingers yet. Oh, they've really stuffed up the fingers. This one you're about to play I didn't play with I just typed that thing in Hit it

Press play And this is what they came And this is not a real This is AI singing Doing the music Everything about this Jingle is AI Yep

Are you ready? Yeah I haven't heard it Oh it's very day in the Life blog, isn't it? Waking up each morning with a smile on my face. What? Fletch for Han and Hayes. There it is. Big way to start my day.

They bring the laughs and the facts that amaze. From fact of the day to Friday flashbacks, golden days. Tune in, turn it up. What the hell? My God. My heart. How long did this take for it to spit it back? Less than two minutes. Yeah. Yeah.

And that's not a real human. I'm going to know when the AI takes over, though, because they can't call me by my real name. Va-ha-haan. Slash Va-haan and Hayley. So that is insane. Like, how far away are we from a record company signing their first AI artist?

Like, having an AI artist with AI graphics, and they're not even real. So does this mean if I wanted to do, and I won't do this because I have artistic integrity and a $40,000 acting degree, but if I wanted to do a Hayley's version, I could go create a parody of, enter current pop song here, that sings about this news event. Would it let you use a current pop song that you don't own, though? It doesn't let you drag it in, but all you need to do for, say you wanted to do, oh, I want to do Bruno Mars as a rock song for Hayley's version, you just type in rock song and kind of write. And then you could type the lyrics and pop it.

Oh, my God. Because we have played around with the Fletchmore and Hayley jingle, and we've got a few different versions. So this is the rock version that if we were on like a rock radio station we might... Waking up each morning with a smile on my face

That's fun and handy The perfect way to stop my day It sounds like a... You know when WWE wrestlers get songs but like

they get them done on the cheap because they can't afford like the big artists to do them? Tune in Turn it on Let the girls Okay, the big artists to do them? Okay, what about a power ballad?

Oh, yeah, like a Whitney, Celine. Or like Goo Goo Dolls Iris. That's what you call a power ballad. Yep. Okay. Okay. This feels like a tampon ad. Yes, yeah. For a serial middle-aged woman.

Running through flowers with white pants on. Yeah, yeah. It doesn't matter because she's got... Okay, this is quite scary. Grey tampons. Ooh, yeah. Ooh, yeah. Okay, this is quite scary. This feels quite worshipy, actually. Okay, we've got... This feels a little bit like we're in a megachurch. Okay, the next one that we've got,

I haven't heard this either. This is like, kind of like bluegrass, like country. Heavy country, deep country. I'm on board. George and Fitz loving it. Cross Church is loving this. I love it.

I love it. I can hear the robot in his voice a little bit. Oh, they see it. He's like the weird tempo there. Turn it up, let the good times flow. Claps, Paul and Hayley, the stars on the morning show. Okay, that's pretty insane. Yeah, the timing signature, he's got the time signature all wrong there. It's a bit scrambled.

Just from a musician, someone who studied music. Yeah, yeah, yeah. See, to me, I'm like, that just sounds funny. Oh, no, totally. Okay, we've got a last, the last one we've got is a ska version, like a punk. Oh, my God. Which you, I know you love. This bit is out of trumpets.

Okay. One, two, three, four. Yeah! We're scared. We're scared. Like real big, like real big fish. Yeah, dude. Late 90s, third wave.

Third wave ska. Waking up each morning with a smile on my face. Nah, he needs to be a bit more rough. They bring the laughs and the facts that amaze From fact of day to Friday flashbacks golden days Okay, but it might be a little bit rough, but that's insane for AI. Somebody said it just sounds like Rebecca Black Friday. It all did have that.

She was ahead of her time. She was AI. Unless she was AI, we didn't know it. Yeah. Are we, are we, are any of us going to have a job in like five or ten years? Musicians, filmmakers, writers. Remember when they were like, AI will

take out the, you know, your legal secretaries and people who do a lot of paperwork first, but it will never affect the creative industry. And now we're like, oh. Did you know in Edinburgh, last Edinburgh Fringe Festival, I don't know if it's happening this year or not, there was one comedian that did a full hour

and at the end was like, it was AI. And he left. Wrote a full, like, write me a stand-up comedy show. Wow. Write a joke about this, write a joke about this, put it, and did the show and at the end was like, I didn't write a word of that, write me a stand-up comedy show. Wow. Write a joke about this, write a joke about this, put it, and did the show

and at the end it was like, I didn't write a word of that, it was AI. Great. Thanks for your money. So Madonna's been touring around and doing her shows,

whatnot, telling people in wheelchairs to stand up and she invited Ricky Martin onto a show that she did. Okay. And the whole idea was, like, he was at the show, they were singing Vogue,

there were all these fabulous dancers of hers, male dancers, and her and Ricky Martin were, like, holding up signs, like, rating the dancers 10 out of 10. Right. That seems problematic. Yeah. But they're probably all 10s. I think 10 was the only number they had.

Yeah, okay. Yeah. They're of a different generation. Different time. They really are. Now, what fans couldn't help but notice was that Ricky Martin appeared to have obtained somewhat of a stiffy. Don't tell me not to type, Fletch. I'm Googling Ricky Martin appeared to have obtained somewhat of a stiffy.

Don't tell me not to type, Fletch. I'm Googling Ricky Martin erection. Is that important to have that image? Ricky Martin appears to get an erection on stage. Yeah. Well, yeah, you could see a sort of a small, I don't mean to use the word small, but somewhat of a tent. A tent in the pants.

Wearing a loose, I'll call it a slack, a trouser, a pantaloon. And there is somewhat of a tent. A tent in the pants. Wearing a loose, I'll call it a slack, a trouser, a pantaloon. And there is somewhat of a tent. Send me a marquee. Send me a marquee going on there. There's definitely at least a wedding marquee in there. It's like a tiny wedding happening in his pants. I can't get the bloody picture, can I? I can't enjoy this.

You've probably been blocked. Is it a two-person pup tent? It's probably a four-person pup tent, but we know that it a two person pup tent? It's probably a four person pup tent but we know that it houses two. New angle of Ricky Martin at Madonna Show proves he 100% had erection. TNC. One of the dancers ripped off Tearaway pants, one of the male dancers, and went up to

Ricky and was grinding his body. This angle. Swing it round so I can see the angle. Look here. It's not quite the same as sitting down and getting a fold in the fly. Yeah, that's... It's like he's trying to tuck it under his belt. Not quite.

You know when you're at one of those restaurants with an outdoor table and you have to put up the big umbrella? Yes. I like that, yeah. This dancer is smashing his head into the ground. Yeah, he's absolutely bumping and grinding on him. Anyway, not very timely for Ricky Martin because the world was watching

and a whole bunch of people watching. I want to know if we have some stories from our listeners of when someone got a stiffy at a really bad time. Oh, Hayley, this is, I don't know if this is the kind of phone and topic we need to. I like it. When did you get a stiffy at a bad time? Or maybe you were around someone.

We don't only need to hear from schlong owners. Right. Was that the radio appropriate term? Schlong? Yeah, that works. That works. I thought you just wanted to talk about this. I didn't think you wanted people to call in with.

No, no, I'm taking it to the people. Okay, because this can be traumatic for guys. Yeah. Not at Vaughan. You can't help these things sometimes. Pretty funny though. I can hide my arousal. Fold my arms in front of my nips and just sort of wait.

But you guys are less easy, isn't it? No, yeah, you have to wait it out, but you've got to, you know, conceal it. Conceal, yeah. I mean, look, this used to happen all the time at drama school. I'll tell you what, you put 20 young people in a room all in track pants and you start rolling around on top of each other and it just became

it became an understanding it was never sexual all my some of my friends would be like partnering up and doing a lot of

like body work and rolling and my friend would always just be like I'm so sorry how about that this is all good you're all good

just roll with me tuck it in the top what are you pretending to be waves are you pretending to be waves I don't know what we're pretending porridge pretending to be? Waves. Are you pretending to be waves? I don't know what we're pretending. Porridge. We're pretending to be employed actors. Right,

for $40,000 a year. Wow. Anyway, when did you or someone around you get a little stuffy situation? And maybe it was at a terrible time. I don't know if we're going to get calls for this, Hayley. This seems inappropriate. Well, I want to hear it. 0800-DARLS-IT-M, 9696. When did you do a Ricky Martin? When did you do a Ricky Martin? Maybe that's what we should say, Matt. When did you do a Ricky Martin? What?

Live La Vida Loca. We don't want your La Vida Loca stories. No, not taking calls for living La Vida Loca. We're taking stories for... When you had a bit of a tent situation in the trowel. Ricky Martin has accidentally pitched a tent on stage. We are taking your calls this morning. About when you or someone you know...

When did the tent just pop up? It just popped up in your pants and... You know, you drive to work, nothing's there. You drive home, all of a sudden, the Webber Brothers Circus is in town. Holy moly. Guys, as you see, this is really embarrassing for people.

It is. Sarah, good morning. Hi, good morning. Now, was this on your first date with your now husband? Yeah, so we went just on a coffee date and it was just a casual, like, talk. Yeah.

And we were sitting in a coffee shop and I wasn't, like, I had my hand on his leg just above his knee and I wasn't moving it coffee shop and I wasn't like, I had my hand on his leg just above his knee and I wasn't moving it but I wasn't like rubbing it. Wait, on your first date you're putting your hands on the upper leg section. Oh, absolutely. Just, yeah,

just talking and just, yeah, just a little hand, but not rubbing it, but not stationary and when he was sitting it wasn't obvious because he had like these cargo pants, but then as soon as he stood up to leave, it was like, ooh. Rager. He's got a rager. You first say you're touching the pants.

I believe. A, you should be flattered. Absolutely. And B, I can't blame him. That's a sensitive area and you're touching it all out there. Did you notice or did he tell you later? Oh, no, it was definitely obvious. Oh, wow.

Did he say you addressed it? Yeah, it was definitely obvious. Did you say anything to him about it? We joke about it now because it was funny at the time, but I didn't say anything at the time, no. Oh, my God, that's so brilliant. That's so funny. It's just human nature.

Sarah, thank you for your call. Someone said lots of Ricky Martins in the health industry being a nurse. Of course. Usually waited out. Someone actually messaged in on the other side of that equation. When I was 13, I had hip issues and a lady doctor was probing around the area and all of a sudden there was a Ricky Martin. Oh, that's what we're calling it, a Ricky Martin.

It was a Ricky Martin. Okay, you did so many stories coming through. We'll get to more of those next. Right now, though, talking about if you've ever had a Ricky Martin situation, he was on stage and pitched a tent. But having seen the video now, I can totally see why. Oh, yeah, dude. He's a gay man being ground on and touched up and rubbed on

by some very attractive men. By gay tens. Gay tens. Gay tens. Gay tens. And you know that's... Backup dancers are, you know... Unicorns.

Gay tens, yeah. Guys, there's so many, dare I say it, we may spill into a podcast. Really? Yeah. Well, actually, we've got something we need to cover in a little bit of Pomp today. And it actually links to this because it's 7.59. I'm just aware. Yeah.

Okay, we are. Look at her. Stepping up. You know her. Thanks,. Yeah. Okay, we are. Look at her. Stepping up. You know her. Thanks, guys. Jules, good morning. Jules? Hi, how are you?

Good. So good, Jules. What happened? Who pitched a tent? Firstly, long-time listener, first-time caller. Dude, I knew it. I knew it. I reached for the bell.

You had the energy. Welcome to the show, Jules. Welcome, welcome. Welcome to the show. I'm pleased to be here. Now, so what happened? So I was on recruit course about 20 years ago, and one of the girls had been sent to Mills and Boon Book as a joke.

Oh, yeah. So during one of the rest periods that we had, she read a little bit out of it. It involved a bit of light petting. Of course. And one of the boys whipped around and was like, oh, my God, so-and-so's got a sissy. Of course, we all look.

And the poor boy had to go running out of the room. Oh, no. You said recruit. What were you being recruited for? Into the military service. Military. Oh, there's his nickname. That's his nickname.

That's his nickname forever. Oh, that would be mortifying. You'd never live that down, would you? Yeah, no, he didn't. Stand at attention, privates! Oh, brilliant. Jules, thank you for sharing. John, what happened?

Well, this was a long time ago, but it is burned in my memory. Oh, John. I can already hear the pain in your voice. John. I was about 16.

Yep. And I was in a band with just my mates. Okay. Just a rock band. Yeah. And we just randomly started piggyback fighting. Okay. What does he do?

He lads in a band? It sounds really hot to me John Sounds really hot if we're going to be honest Okay I just introduced the piggybacks Because I think they might be gay You know they were like Hey guys we should do piggyback fights

I'm going to jump on my back Yeah jump on my back And then I'll jump on your back And I'll see which one I like better Basically I got a Ricky Before we started fighting. Okay. And then I get on my friend's back.

Oh, no. You're pressing it into him. John, you're jabbing him in the back, John. And then within about one second, he just gets me off his back straight away, gives me a really stern look, and never mentions it again. Oh, John. Until this day.

John, you jumped on his back. I would have just been like, I'll take someone on my back. Why didn't you think about piggybacking him? Yeah. I should have thought of that. Yeah. Spoken from true experience there, Fletch. Oh, my God.

I can't believe you got one but then you jabbed it in your friend's back, John. That's what you do in the morning when you're like, wake up. In the back of his head. No, because I was on his shoulders. Oh God! I was on his shoulders. Oh my God, John! What instrument did you play in the band, John?

I was the drummer. Of course you were, you dirty dog. That's hot, you dirty dog. John, thank you so much for sharing. You shoved your drumstick in the band, John? I was the drummer. Of course you were. That's hot. You dirty dog. That's hot, you dirty dog. John, thank you so much for sharing. You shoved a drumstick in the back of your friend's neck. For God's sake. Oh, amazing, John. Thank you for sharing.

We've had so many messages. We will do a special little bit of pod. It's too late. We can't read them. On today's podcast feed. Stop the clock. Win the cash. With ZM's Five on Time. Five on Time's podcast feed. Stop the clock, win the cash. With ZM's 5 on Time.

5 on Time has been won and it was won this morning at 7 o'clock. That's right. The lovely Jane called us up. A rogue technique. No stop watch. No counting the seconds. Instead, she said she was going to give the names of her kids in her

head and say time. That's what she did and this is what happened after her five second guess. It's a lot of money, Jane. What would you do with $50,000? The sensible answer would probably be get married to my partner, but the nice one, I might buy him a race car. So you would either buy a race car or get married? Maybe throw in a little dog too.

She's gone crazy. Do you have any names picked out for that dog? No, it would be something like Wilson or something. Well, welcome to the family, Wilson. You've just won $50,000. What? Are you kidding me?

0.004 What? Jane! You Are you kidding me? It's.004. What? Jane! You're not kidding me? Yep. Jane! Oh, my God!

No! Jane! We were mucking around with you! You're getting a race car. You're getting a dog. Jane, you just won $50,000! Oh, my God! Oh, my God.

I'm trying not to swear. Now, that was at 7 o'clock. Jane joins us on the phone. Good morning, Jane. Morning. Imagine if Jane was like, Good morning, French. You did say you were trying to find a pub.

You did say you were off to the pub. I'm going to drop the kids off first. She's a good mum. Perfect. Has Rhys, your partner... Where? At school or at their grandparents' house? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah, at school.

No, at school. Okay, and then your partner Rhys, has he got the day off as well? He's sort of... He's not really my boss, but he's kind of my boss, so if he wants the day off, he can have it off.

Oh, I see, yeah. He's got the power. Okay, I like that. Okay. But I've got the pants at home. Yeah, of course you do. Of course you do, Han. Because I know you because we are kindred spirits.

How are you feeling an hour later? It still hasn't sunk in. I've calmed down, but it hasn't sunk in. Because I thought when you made your time guess, I thought it felt over five seconds. Let's go through the process again because you weren't counting in your head one, two. You weren't doing one Mississippi,

two Mississippi. You didn't have a stopwatch. What were you saying? I was saying my kids' first and middle names in my head. And then you just said time at the end of it. Yeah, I just took a deep breath and then said their names because I knew if I went too fast, like if I was just

like hurried through them, it would be way too quick. So I just took a deep breath and said their names because I knew if I went too fast, like if I was just like hurried through them, it would be way too quick. So I took a deep breath and said their names. It's wild. It's like this fate brought you here. If your kids had had slightly different names or longer names or shorter names, it would have been different. Had you timed out your kids' names though?

I did it once, but it was always way too quick. Like it was normally 4.3 or 4.4 So you chucked a breath in there and then said time and it was exactly 5.00 seconds so you have won the $50,000

the first person to do that after weeks of trying. We have been wanting this to go and honestly Jane I'm so happy for you. Now have you wanting this to go. And honestly, Jane, I'm so happy for you. Now, have you started looking at dogs and cars? No, I've always wanted a French Bulldog. Jesus, there goes your $50,000. I know.

I might have to reconsider that. Yeah, I just vet bills. We've got no one to blame but ourselves. I do feel sorry for the dogs. We've got no one to blame but ourselves for breeding a dog to that point. Now, you did also say that you wanted to buy a race car. Is that still on the cards?

I did ring Rhys afterwards because he still didn't believe me. Oh, really? Yeah, he thought that I was just pulling his leg. So I rang him and then I said, I'll buy you a race car. And he said, no, it's all right. But we'll see. He's been racing for like 12 years, so. Okay, but he does already have a race car.

Yeah, it's just a crap one he built. It's a crap one he built himself. He does good in it, but he could be better. Yeah, there you go. I think you're going to have a lot of fun this afternoon sitting down with, what's your drink of choice? Gin. Gin?

Yeah, a nice gin. You can buy the nice gin. Go get a nice gin. Sit down. No, not that cheap, Segas. Hey! And you can celebrate... We all do a Segas every now and then.

Yeah, you can celebrate because you have won five on time, $50,000. Jane, congratulations again. Thank you guys so much. Have fun spending it, babe. Honestly, I'm not a crazy frivolous spender. I don't care if you are. It's your money, babe.

You do you. You didn't have it at 6am this morning and by 7 o'clock you did, so you just spend it on what you want. Thank you. Alright, next on the show. It's finally happened Maths Maths has caught up with the Smiths

Indy had a maths question that she got right She put it to us Sade completely gave up She's like, I don't know the answer to that She's out And I might have got it wrong Do you remember the question? Yes, I do remember the question

Okay, shall we try and answer this next? I'll put it to you next I had a little go at it earlier And I got it really quickly Oh no I got it really quickly Oh no I got a real flick Well it's happened I always knew it would

Our children have got to the stage Where their maths homework's hard Oh yeah When does it start turning into Letters and stuff? Cos 10. Oh, I hated that, honestly. That's high school.

I just need to refresh a course on that, and I'll be good to go. Right. On the triangle stuff. I love the triangle stuff. No, here's the thing, kids. Here's the thing, kids. I haven't used that triangle thing since leaving school. Yeah.

And there's calculators everywhere. They're on your phone. Doing our house, we've definitely used a bit of math. A bit of maths. Math. Merit at first sight. Yeah, yeah, to get through it. Something to look forward to at the end of the day.

Maths every day. Okay, so she had a couple of maths questions. She's just sent them through to me. Okay. Because Sade was just like, I've got no idea. And I think I didn't listen correctly, but I knew the answer once I asked the question me. Okay. Because Sade was just like, I've got no idea. And I think I didn't listen correctly, but I knew the answer once I asked the question again. Okay, so the first one

is, Tara asked her friends to guess her weight. No, I don't know what Tara's playing at here. Oh my god, no, you don't do that. I'm not playing that game. If you're a guy and Tara asks you to guess your weight, say, sorry Tara, I don't play these games because you're going to be wrong. Guess my weight, guys. So, Tara asked her friends to guess her weight.

The closest guess was 40. Then the next closest guess was 31. Then 30. Then 43. What's her exact weight? Wow, the 43 one is in trouble. Guess my weight. 30s.

It's a kid. Was it a small child? Yeah, it's a kid. Small, a small child? Yeah, it's a kid. Small cold child? A small cold child. Wearing a singlet because she is so waist, so little. Thin little, tiny little, skinny little child. Right. Freezing cold.

So Tara asked her friends to guess her weight. The closest was 40, then 31, then 30, then 43. What's her exact weight? So obviously it's working out the number that's the closest to the So how big was, how much did this Alton twin weigh? Well, if

it's between 40 and 31, it's got to be 36, right? And then because that's only four or 35. I stopped listening. Because it's five, so it's only four off there. I stopped listening. Because it's five, so it's only four off there. I stopped listening to the question.

36. I think it might be, I think I tell you what, there might be a point in there as well. She might be 36 and a half. Okay, right. But this was the one that stumped. Sade was just like, I don't even know what's going on here. Okay.

Sarah is a teenager. Okay. And her age right now, I know she's going through it. Gosh, jeez. Skinny little Tara's asking everybody to guess her weight. Guess my weight. Guess my weight. Sarah's like, this is not a game I play, Tara.

Sarah is a teenager and her age right now is divisible by two. Okay. And her age in two years will be divisible by three. How old is she right now? 16. Yeah. Because it's definitely what I was going to say. And she's still a teenager.

Yeah, she's 16, which is divisible by two. Of course it is. 14 doesn't work because if you add two, 16's not divisible by three. So I was going to say 18, but yeah, you're right, it is. Yeah. Yeah. I was like, are there any other versions of it? No, because the only ones that work are odd and they're not divisible by two.

You'd be 13. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But Shardie couldn't get it. What's in her head? Rocks. Rocks. Rocks. So is she tapping out now?

That's her done. I think she did. Last night there may have been a dusting of the hands of you're on your own. Also, I feel like we had calculators, right? Yeah, sound. What were they called? Scientific calculators. Scientific calculators or just calculators on a whole. These kids have got AI? Yeah, sound. What were they called? Scientific calculators. Scientific calculators. Or just calculators on a whole.

These kids have got AI. Oh, yeah. If you put that question into AI, it would 100% answer it for you, right? 100%. That's not the point. That's not what learning is. I know.

You're telling me if you now were a teenager and you had all this at your fingertips, you wouldn't use it? I would AI my presence in that classroom. I'd just be off doing all sorts of naughty things. Fact of the Day is next. All this week, it's facts about TVs. Televisions.

Televisions. Yes, yes, yes. Clay. ZM's Fletch Vaughan and Hayley. Fact of the Day, day, day, day, day. Today's fact of the day is about the world's smallest television. Okay. Released in the year 1982.

Hell of a vintage. Hell of a vintage. Hell of a year. Smallest. What is it? What size of the Apple Watch screen? It is a watch. It was the Seiko TV wristwatch. It was launched on the 23rd of December 1982 in Japan. I reckon they left it running for Christmas a bit late. Yeah.

I reckon they would have been a month beforehand. Get a bit of hype. How is it? Oh my god, it's so cool though. Like you can imagine hips is rocking that now. Yeah, 100%. It's like when Casios became big and everyone had the ones with the calculators on them. Get back to the Casios.

Yeah. So it had a black and white screen measuring 30.5 millimeters. So just a smidge over three centimeters wide. So about the Apple Watch now. Okay. Yeah, about that. Together with the receiver unit and headphones, the black and white system weighed 320 grams.

Okay. Which kind of is... That is fairly heavy. That would be like a can of Coke, right? We're just measuring everything by cans of Coke these days. Would that be as heavy as that? Yes. Because I'm thinking 350 mils, right? We're just measuring everything by cans of coke these days. Would that be as heavy as that? Yes. Because I'm thinking 350 mils,

right? Is that the same weight? Yeah, like 330 mil, yeah. And cost, at the time, $1,174 New Zealand dollars. So if you think about that in 82, that was a ton of money. Also, what kind of TV reception you'd be going in and out of reception, wouldn't you?

Yeah, you had to hold your... It had this little box. Yeah. The receiver. It had a little box, yeah. You might need to watch it on public transport, but... Yeah, maybe. Yeah.

So that was the smallest... That was the smallest commercially available... Television. Yeah, right. In 1982, that's incredible technology. In 1982. When you think about it. Yeah, right. And in 1982, that's incredible technology. When you think about it. Yeah. Hell yeah.

Lots of people still just rocking black and white TVs and people rocking around with a black and white TV on their wrist. And then from like being that small on your wrist, that didn't translate into small televisions in people's homes for a long, long time. You know what I mean? Like small as in not like CRT's real deep. Yeah.

Yeah. Like how did that not translate? It didn't have great clarity. Like the pixelation was quite bad, but you could watch things on it. Amazing. Yeah. So today's fact of the day on TV week

is about the world's smallest commercially available television. It was made by Seiko and it was released in 1982 and it was a big old whopping 30 millimetres wide. Fact of the day, day, day, day, day. Do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do. Hi, ZM's Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley.

The video's out on our socials of Jane this morning winning, five on time, $50,000. That's pretty good stuff. The joy on our faces. Oh, no. Are you eating... Shipper's pie. While we're on here.

It does sound really good. Oh, no. I'm eating shipper's pie. Go, Jane John congrats The government at the moment There's been a lot of News articles On the last couple of days

About this They're planning to crack down Oh they're doing all sorts of crack downs On truancy They're taking the budgets away From all of the All of the ministries That crack down on things like

Crime and education But They're cracking down They're self cracking We're cracking down They're saying that you should be at school when school's in school, like school term. Sounds like nerd talk to me.

Sounds like I'm some loser. Like parents will take kids away to go to Fiji. You've done this, haven't you? I did it. I was never taken out of school. Never. Never. Never, ever.

I was constantly. Never, ever. But you did I was constantly. Never ever. But you did know of families that would go like massive private school dullings. Well, it was because I was like marching and I'd go and march at a tattoo like in Norway or something. And then my mum would always be like, well, we've come so far. We might as well tack on a little two week at the end. So we'd tell my school, oh, she's off on a sports trip, but I'd be on the beach in Venice

like. On the beach in Venice? During the school term. Venice also doesn't have a beach. I was going to say, Venice has got canals and they look gross and dirty. So they've talked about, like, fines for this kind of thing, but if you go to a private school and the fine's like $1,000 or $500, you're just paying there. This is part of the holiday.

You can afford it. But then if it's the difference, like you take your kids out of school to take them on holiday because it's so much cheaper to travel outside of school. Oh my God, yeah. Because all airlines, the airfare specials, start and end after school holidays. So you would have to work out if that fine you could possibly face per child

is what you're saving or do you wait for the school holidays. But they're not going to find rich families for taking their kids over. Absolutely not. It's not targeting that at all. If you were a teacher, wouldn't you be glad to have like one less student? That's a good way to love it.

You know, but then they don't learn and then you get your... You get the results back. You get the results. I just wouldn't let them sit the exams either. Or just give them the answers. I'd be like, why don't you have Thursday off this week?

Jaden? Yeah. As soon as you love your days off and you've had so many, then why don't you just not be here for exams? Yeah. I don't know. I think we go to school too much. It takes up too much of your time.

I used to always be like, this is crazy that I'm going to school this often. There's so many holidays, though. There's so many holidays. I'm all for a good experience. Like, if you're taking them out of school for an experience, the sort of like, you know, learning different thing about life. You took your kids out of school the other day because your cat was on its last legs.

Yeah. You know? They knew why I was at school early. Everybody burst into tears. Yeah. Oh, if I'd been stuck with a phone, I'd be taking my kids out of school because the cat was about to be put down

and we wanted them to spend the afternoon with their beloved puss. Yeah. I'd be livid. I feel like my parents would have just done it and then we would have got home and they would

have been like, the cat's gone. The cat's dead. Yeah, where's little Geronimo? Yeah. Oh, he's long gone. He's gone. We Geronimo'd him

down a hole. Yeah. Geronimo'd right on over him. We've planted a rose on top. But you could argue that that's learning about death and that's a valuable

life experience. Yeah, absolutely. I can bullshit with the best of them. This guy's not getting a fine. How do you bullshit a Fijian holiday, though, and a school, a weekend? But I feel sorry for the parents who have to work insane amount of hours to put food on the table

for their kids and their kids are just like, well, I'm not going to school and no one can make me because mum and dad work from sunup to sundown. And I'll say I'm going to school, but I'm not going to. And they're the ones that'll get fined. And then the other ones will get in trouble. Yeah. But we don't want to talk about that dreary side of this flawed plan.

We want to talk about that coolest thing you did when your parents took you out of school. Or you took yourself out of school. Like when you went to the movie premiere of the, what was it, Lord of the Rings? Lord of the Rings. Because you wanted to see Orlando Bloom? Wanted to see Orlando Bloom.

Yep. I used to take myself out of school a bit, especially when I got a boyfriend. Could you sign yourself out of school? I knew my mum's signature. But where would you put the signature? You had to sign a note being like, Hayley has a dentist appointment from this time to this time

and you'd hand it in to reception. Pre-planned at the start of the day. It had to be pre-planned. You had to make sure no one was home. To hang out and watch movies. That's all. Couldn't even lie. Are you excited for...

Oh no, my children are angels compared to this. This strumpet that sits across the desk from me. This card. This charlatan. This trickster. Okay, 0800 Dons at M. give us a call now. You can text through 9696.

What is the coolest thing that you did when you should have been in school? Whether it was something you planned, a lot of kids go to sports games, maybe there's a big sporting or a big, I don't know, like Eclipse yesterday in the States. Yeah. We all remember the get your socks on, get your lucky socks on, red sock parade. Or maybe your parents

took you for around the world holiday and you missed a whole year of school. Or maybe your dad was just like, I feel like a chocolate thick shake

with my number one. And they came and picked it up and you were dead. People do that every now and then. Someone would get called out of class and you're like,

oh no, where are you going? And they're like, don't know. And then the next day they'd be like, what happened? Dad just wanted to

take me. Have lunch. Get a thick shake and a food roll. Dad sounds lonely. Dad sounds lonely. Dad might be lonely. Dad's getting lonely too, you know. Dad then the next day, I'd be like, what happened? Dad just wanted to take me. Have lunch. Get a fix shake and a food roll. Dad sounds lonely. Dad sounds lonely. Dad might be lonely. Dad's getting lonely too,

you know. Dad needs some friends. 0800-DARLS-AT-M is the number 9696 to text through. What is the coolest thing you did when you should have been at school?

We want to know this morning the coolest thing you did when you should have been in school. Because the government is looking to crack down on truancy. Yeah.

Parents taking kids on holidays or out of school when they should be in school. Talking about fines as well. Hearing from a lot of people whose dads would just turn up at school and be like, I need my kid. What for?

Doctor. And then just take them and do them like little dad things. Like get an ice cream or something. Yeah, get an ice cream, hang out. Oh my God. I can see it. Sometimes I'm like, India would think that's cool.

She's at school. She's like, I'll get it. My dad would do it a bit because his work was close to my high school and we lived ages away from town and so if my dad was heading off early, he'd be like, I should come get you. I'm like, hell yeah man, let's go. Let's get out of here. Go to the beach, get some fish and chips. Petra, what was the coolest thing you did when you should have been in school? So, you know, at end of year school camps, they do their little excursions and activities, that kind of thing. So obviously me and my friends are much too cool for that.

So we got notes from all of our parents to say we had different things on, like weddings and other lives. And we all handed them in and hung out at my friend's house bus and made our own cool camp. But the river that we were hanging out next to or staying next to was right next to the school that they went rafting down.

So we decided to go for a wee swim and perfectly timed it when they rafted past. So all the teachers were like looking at us and we were just like, hey. Oh my God, you little shites. I love that you were too cool. Your parents were cool or was it the forged notes that said you had weddings? No, no, they all lied.

Oh my God, I love that. We're like, we can't have our girls going on a yucky school camp. Oh no, darling. No, absolutely not. Well, it's like I only learnt yesterday. No worries. I only learnt yesterday when you go camping, there's no sheets. You sleep in some sort of a satchel.

Horrendous. What do you mean some sort of bag? What am I, groceries? I'm not wearing some sort of collection. How many people use this toilet block you're telling me about? We're each getting an individual block though, aren't we? Oh my God, how horrid. Petra, thank you.

And my job is to clean these, to do the ablutions. No, but I just put the shit in there. I don my job is to clean these to do the ablutions no but I just wish isn't there I don't know what to clean this and what was the coolest thing you did when you should have been at school

when I was nine my parents took me out of school to go to Buckingham Palace so that my dad could receive award for bravery from Queen Victoria Queen Elizabeth. Oh, my God.

I mean, right, so that rules. You should be there. Right, and so you went, and were you at the ceremony? Yeah, yeah. My mum, my brother, and I were on the balcony watching the Queen put the medal on my father. Oh, my God, that's amazing. It was, it was just unbelievable.

And so did you have to lie to the school or? Well, in Ireland, then, you didn't tell people that their father was a policeman. So I'm not quite sure what they told the school. But they wouldn't have told them the truth. Yeah, right. Just the whole family's got diarrhea. We're at home.

We're staying at home. We're all pooping in buckets over here. We certainly didn't just pop across the pond to get a medal from the trainer. Our family's got diarrhea. We're at home. We're staying at home. We're all pooping in buckets over here. We certainly didn't just pop across the pond to get a medal from the traitor. And thank you so much. We're talking about the coolest thing you did when you should have been at school. Because this government wants everybody to pay a fine if they don't go to school. Real nerds.

So we want to know what you did when you should have been at school. Someone said, I went on a trip to New York when I was eight. What? I got to miss two weeks of school to go. How do you want a trip to New York when you're eight? I don't know. Wow. And then we're like, which parents taking you?

I mean, what good are you entering these competitions at such a young age? Some other messages that have cool things you got to do when you should have been at school. Question. If one of your kids won a trip to New York and they only got to take one parent, do you reckon they'd choose you? Sade wouldn't want to go by herself. Oh, really? I don't think so. Yeah.

Okay. I don't think she'd want to go by herself. Plus. Who would you choose? I'd be great fun in New York. I'd be a loose goose. You'd be great fun in New York. I'd be a loose goose. You'd be great fun in New York. I'd be a loose goose. Somebody said, Dad got me out of school once

and took me down to the Mad Dogs and Englishman's pub. Had some fish and chips, and then Dad won the pokies. And he gave me a slice of the pokies, wanting to not tell Mum that A, he took me out of school, or B, he was playing the pokies. That's good. A little hush money. When I was 10, my parents took me out of school, or B, he was playing the pokies. That's good. A little hush money. When I was 10, my parents took me out of school for a month to travel Europe.

Just the best thing ever. I reckon that kind of experience, you're not going to get that at school, are you? Hell yeah. No, it's history, isn't it? Then you've got every Wednesday and sixth one, we'd bunk from lunchtime to go smoke weed. Nobody ever questioned us being absent. And the old parents still don't know 24 years later. Wow.

Every Wednesday I take my daughter out of school and we go skiing together. Every Wednesday? What? Got to have some perks of living in the overpriced town that is Queenstown. Oh, this is in winter. Yeah, in the winter months.

That's cool. It's PE. It's physical activity. It's physical activity, exactly. She could be a future Olympic skier. Yeah. We don't know parents are so... She could be a future Olympic skier. Yeah. You know? We don't know.

She's not going to be a future Olympic mathematician, is she? Well, we don't know that either. Yeah, just be on the... Well, no, because she's missing every Wednesday, so it's just a bit thick. Oh, yeah, true, she does. Is that what happens on Wednesdays? Maths.

Maths. No, you just do maths on the chairlift. Okay, how many chairlifts? One. Okay, if there's three people on each chairlift... Yep. ...and seven chairs are full... Yep....how many people are on those seven chairlifts? Okay, if there's three people on each chairlift and seven chairs are full, how many people are on those seven chairlifts?

And how much money are they making if everyone's paying this much money for a pass? You're going 21 times. 25% of people bring their own lunch. 75% shop at the cafe and spend on average $25 per person. See, math. Real life math. Oh, beautiful.

Yeah, and next thing you know, you're in charge of the ski field because you bloody worked it out Haven't you There you go Worked out exactly how many people Good stuff You gotta be on there

Dad came and picked me up From school one day I was like this is rad Went out Had Maccas Yep Delish Nothing better right

Should we go through the drive through Yeah Always with dad eh Dad's like Should we just go through the drive through You're like Yes please And then we sat down And I was like, do you want a Happy Meal?

And you're like, no, no, I want the big one. I want the big, yeah. And your dad's going to be like, yeah, you had a quarter pounder? Yeah, yeah, I'm ready. I'm ready for a quarter pounder. I'm ready. And they're like, medium or large? Your dad would always look at you, hey, and give you the option.

Mom would just be like, medium. Yeah. Dad's like, what do you reckon, big dog? I can take it. You reckon you can hit a large? Yeah, I'm ready. Hit a large. I'm ready.

I sat down, I said to dad, this is the coolest can take it. You reckon you can hit a large? Yeah, I'm ready. Hit a large. I'm ready. We sat down. I said to Dad, this is the coolest day ever. And he said, me and your mother are separating. Oh, no. That is such a twist. Boy. Big twist. I thought that was a happy day.

Big twist. Not all to Dad. Dad's starting out solo life on a strong foot. Wait, can I go back for a Sunday as well? Yeah, dude. We're getting to Sunday. Yeah, it's bad news. We're getting a Sunday as well.

And nuggets. Back to the voice box. I for a Sunday as well. Yeah, dude, we're getting to Sunday. Yeah, it's bad news. We're getting a Sunday as well. And nuggets. We're first back to the voice box. I need a Sunday. Oh, another podcast in the bag. The plastic bag. Are they back? No, no, still banned. Okay.

They never left. No, sorry. That's where you come in with the line, boy. Boy, man, if you enjoyed that. Okay. Oh, and if you enjoyed it, give us a rating and a review and be sure to tell all of your friends god i need some sleep yeah zms fletch vaughn and hayley