ZM's Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley - Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley's Big Pod - 10th December 2024

Episode Date: December 9, 2024

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Good morning. Welcome to the show, Flesh, Vaughan and Hayley. Rainy overnight in Auckland. Lovely. Left my shoes outside. Oh, you're a fool. We needed that. Did we? Yeah.

I'm just looking at the country today. It's looking pretty good. Looking like a nice, fine, sunny day for most people. Well, that's good. Well, you guys enjoy that wherever you are. Oh, that made it sound like you weren't going to get outside today. Don't think it will. No. What are you going to do? I'm just hiding inside. Now I weren't going to get outside today Don't think it will Nah What are you going to do?

He's hiding inside Now I'm just going to hide inside If you had a PlayStation game you're like No I've still I've never played it Do you know what? I was thinking about you At the weekend

Yeah Overcooked Is this game that Will either make or break your relationship Okay I think we could play it together What is it? Is it a kitchen game?

So basically, you play, you're all short cooks and it's like this thing pops up, someone walks up. It's real basic animation. They walk up to the desk and they're like, one hamburger and it tells you what you need for the hamburger. Someone needs to cook a patty, someone needs to chop the stuff. I'll be on patties.

And then you all bring it together and then when it's done, you go, ding, ready, and the order's gone. Now, the idea is the further into the level you get, the quicker the customers are coming and they get less patient with how- Then we become a fast food. And you're like, two patties, two patties, two patties. And in your lounge, everyone's got controllers.

We're going as fast as the patties will cook. Well, that's the thing. Maybe if the patty's cooking, you can get on to doing something. What about Hayley's doing the onions? A watch patty never cooks. Well, it depends. Are we cooking the onions? Are we going raw?

But that would be... Right. That's a fun game you can play together. They call it a chaotic couch co-op cooking game for one to four players. Yeah, rules. Working as a team. Right. But it sounds like they'll just cause fights in your relationship.

Arguments. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. But what doesn't? So you might as well have some fun on the lead up to another Screamy of the Year. This tickled me. What are we doing for the top six?

Still haven't decided. We've given him plenty of options. We've given him like... I'm just seeing an article... Pitched like a boardroom. I'm just seeing an article here. Is growing a beard a symbol of strength or insecurity? Oh yeah, because a lot of people hide their bum chin.

Yeah, Aaron's... I don't think you should hide the bum chin, by the way. I think bum chins... Bum chins are hot. Yeah. Well, Ben Affleck's got one and he's done alright hasn't he Aaron has a surprisingly soft jawline

Yeah That's what I think So I might do something about beards given that I am bearded Play Zed Eames, Fleshborn and Hayley You certainly pay a Queenstown tax don't you? We love Queenstown Oh we love Queenstown tax, don't you? We love Queenstown.

Oh, we love Queenstown. But it is the... What's the tourist mecca? The playground of the rich and elite. Yeah. Yeah. So, an Australian newspaper. I feel weird saying that. News source, I feel like saying because it's a website.

One of the journos was holidaying in Queenstown, and I think that's why he's done a story. Yeah. Because I think he was just like, what? It is so expensive here. Yeah, it is. Everything. So Alex Blair is the author.

He went to Queenstown, and he found a $38 plain burrito. Plain burrito. Took a picture of the menu. There's more expensive burritos than the $38 burrito. It's not at my favorite Mexican, isn't it? Wouldn't be. I think he doesn't. He doesn't say.

Baja Mexico. Oh, okay. I was going to say he hasn't named it. He's literally written big letters under the picture. I couldn't find it in the article. Baja Mexico. Baja Mexico. You know I love a Margo's.

We love a Margo's. We love a Margo's. I'll pay anything at Margo's because it's so good. Yeah. The Baja Bowl, 30. A Chili Bowl, 38. Chimichangas, 38. The thing is, a lot of those ingredients,

if the avocado's not in season, that's expensive. Does avocado grow anywhere near Queensland? It's not the right climate, eh? No. It's got to be quite warm. That's why your Bay of Plenty is up north. It would be an expensive thing to make. But then beans.

It looks good. Beans and rice. Cheese trees don't grow near Queensland. Trees. Cheese trees. your Bay of Plenty's and you're up north. It would be an expensive thing to make. But then beans, beans and rice. Cheese trees don't go near Queenstown. Trees. Cheese trees. It does look quite fancy. Also, it's a fancy place.

Yeah. It's not like a takeaway Mexican. No, no, no, no. It's not a Mexicali or anything like that. It's high end. It's like twice the price of it.

Yeah. Yeah. But then that's what you pay for a main though, isn't it? At a posh restaurant. Yeah, maybe change the name of it. Yeah. Yeah. But then that's what you pay for a main though, isn't it? At a posh restaurant. Yeah, maybe change the name of it. Or like call it a Mexican roll.

No, that's not flesh enough. Mexican log. Yeah, what about a spicy log? Yeah, spicy log. Yeah. Spicy meat log. So then he found $6 mangoes, which I'm like, are they supposed to be cheaper than that?

No, that's in the supermarket. Yeah, because that's on special. That's on special. Yeah. You just don't get mangoes here for less than that. We're not a mango country. Maybe $4 if they're trying to get rid of them. But yeah, you don't.

I don't think I've ever bought a mango in my life. I bought one at the weekend. Oh, did you? That's pretty rad. Did you run the knife around the thing and then get the thing out and then follow it inside out? I learnt the trick. I can't be bothered with them.

Even with the trick. I know. You've got to floss afterwards. By the way, just tapping my teeth there sent a shock straight up my jaw. I'm getting my proper thing done today. Are you? I need to book an... I woke up last night with a bit of tooth in my mouth.

I ripped a whole bit of tooth off anxious where's your grind guard I left it in a hotel during the tour so I had like a shard of tooth

from this tooth here I was like you need to go to Rebel Sport and get yourself just a little mouth guard just a standard rugby mouth guard

that'd rip through a $36 burrito. Yeah. It would. It's sharp. It's sharp. Well, your teeth might crumble. Who knows?

And $20 bacon was also something else he pointed out as being expensive. Yeah, right. But how much bacon for $20? I think he was, what, in the same pack? Yeah, it would have been a KG pack. It would have been a KG pack. But also... Well, welcome, bro.

Yeah, we've been here the whole time. Our pigs are some of the better treated pigs. I don't know how Australian pigs are treated. I like my pig. Probably quite poorly. I only buy the free range stuff. And never the stuff when you... Okay, here's your bacon hack.

You pick it up and if it looks wet... Don't rush to mine. You're paying a lot of money for water. Yeah, yeah, waterlogged. Yeah, you get waterlogged streaky bacon and then it doesn't cook right. And then you've got to dry it out yourself by hanging it on the line with pegs. No, don't do that.

And then once all the meat juice has dropped down. This is why all of your t-shirts have little grease marks on the shoulders. I don't have zebra pegs for clothes or bacon. You've got to rinse them. Well, I think this guy's figured out why all of New Zealand's moving to Australia. Yeah, we can't afford it. It's lovely though. It's lovely here.

Lovely. He does go on to say that in 2024, a record 131,200 people left the country. Yeah. But it's lovely. But it is lovely. Play ZM's Flesh, Vaughan and Hayley. Arnott's.

Now that's an Australian biscuit company. It is. Shapes. Yes. And other biscuits. They do a mint slice. Well, shut up. Arnott's actually do heaps of biscuits, don't they?

Don't look them up. Because Arnott's have released somewhat of a 2024 wrapped. Ice Animals. Top 10 biscuits. Okay, I go. Sorry. See what it's like? You've got a list pending and I just start throwing ideas,

throwing things. That must be so annoying. I know, it's really annoying. It's so annoying that you've done that to me. And what you've done is just kind of found a list rather than lovingly scobbed a list of six. What are you doing for the top six? The top six top sixes that almost were today.

Oh, wow. That's a lazy excerpt from you. Dude, can you be bothered being here? I can't believe we've got nine shows to go, including this one. This is bullshit. I walked in today and Carwin said, hey, we've only got one more Tuesday to go after this.

And I was like, don't start that game. That's a good way to look at it, though. Don't start that game. I like low numbers. Well, they included biscuits and crackers because they do both. Now, is this sales in New Zealand and Australia or just Australia? I think it's Australia. Because I would love to know, like, our kind of biscuit rack.

They just said, aren't it sold more than 300 million packets of biscuits throughout 2024? And I don't know if that's New Zealand and Australia. Wow, okay. That's a lot. Because you think every packet has like X amount of biscuits. Yeah, how many biscuits is that? That's like a bajillion biscuits.

Yum. That's the weirdest thing. Like, 300 million, just wrap your mind around that. Now imagine them as individual biscuits. Yeah. It's a lot. Do you imagine when we do this

like when you think about how many biscuits do you imagine them in sort of a heap? Yeah. But I can't comprehend the size of the pile. How much?

So what's one of their biscuits? What's number 10? Is this what it is? It's like the 10 top 10 biscuits. Monte Carlo. Oh yeah. I don't mind a Monte Carlo.

I don't even know what that is. It's not one of the top tier biscuits. Well let's just bring up a city biscuit. Monte Carlo. Oh, yeah. I don't know Monte Carlo. I don't even know what that is. It's not one of the top tier biscuits. Well, let's just bring up a city biscuit. Oh, yeah. Like a Belgian. Yeah, they're real nice. I didn't even know they made those. I don't even know they made those.

Top 10. Yeah. Crazy. It's sort of like a Belgian. Like two shortbreads of strawberry in between. There would be what? Like 10 of those in a pack? Maybe?

I don't know. Yeah, they're quite big. Now I recognise the Arnott ones are like budge-o versus what a homemade one looks like yeah I can tell you exactly how many

there's 250 grams and that contains 12 biscuits yeah 12 would be in general so many so 300 million times 12

let's say in general massive pile massive is this including shapes yeah well shut up why don't you just stay tuned

right now okay Monte Carlo number 10 Scotch finger number 9 no time for those Is this including shapes? Yeah, well, shut up. Why don't you just stay tuned right now? Okay. Okay, Monte Carlo number 10, Scotch finger number nine. Yeah, no time for those. What is a Scotch finger? It's a dry, short bread, eh? And doesn't it have sugar sprinkled on it? Yeah.

Scotch finger. Yeah, it does. Yeah, you're lame. Yeah, it's very, very plain. It's lame. It's like a Nana biscuit. It's actually got Arnott Scotch stamped in the biscuit. Yeah.

Doesn't make it taste any better. Way to brag. Number eight, mint slice. Yeah, good. I love mint slice. That's fantastic. I had mint slices recently. They always put them in the seven days green room.

Oh, yeah. And I'd get there and I'd have it straight away. Jeremy Corbett loves a mint slice. I bet he does. He's got mint slice written all over him. He's got a big mint slice energy. Number seven, salada original. Now we're in the crackers.

Oh, no. We talk about salada when we're talking about crackers. Remember meal size, snack size, a bite size, versatile Salada. It's too dry. It's fine. It's literally got nothing going on. Yeah. It is literally dust. Again, go away for cracker. Yeah. Number six

was the Tim Tam Double Coat. Oh, yeah. Tim Tam Double Coat. That's double chocolatey goodness. Double dip. Okay, yeah. Yum, that's like a double crumb schnitzel. It's just not necessary. Do they just put it through the Tim Tam machine

and then crank the reverse button and it goes back through it and they unload it where they loaded it? Maybe. Maybe. Cool. That's pretty sick. Okay, here's your top five.

That's totally sick. Sick, bro. Top five Arn That's pretty sick. Okay, here's your top five. That's totally sick. Sick, bro. Top five Arnott's crackers of 2024. Or biscuits and crackers. Jats. What are those? Like our snacks. Oh, yeah.

Okay. Yeah. Jats. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. They are like snacks. You know, but a different. Dry. Yeah, dry.

Yeah. No character. I don't like it. Hey, here's your fourth pizza shapes. Third, chicken crimpy. Second, barbecue shapes. So shapes are two, three, four. Shapes run.

Yeah. One better not be shapes. No, one will be the regular Tim Tam. Correctamundo. Tim Tam, despite being $6 a packet. Yeah, they've gone through the roof in Australia. So like 50 cents a becky, that's their number one.

Do they say how many Tim Tams they sold? Don't know. They don't break that down? No. Do you know there's more than 130 types of Arnott's Biscuits and Crackers? So to make the top 10 is pretty cool. I think the Scotch Fingers should count. I think the Scotch Fingers should count their blessings.

As biscuits, it's all we can hope for. Yeah. It's to crank that top 10. It sounded like you were giving the biscuits an inspirational chat. You may not be number one, but to even make the top 10, you should feel really privileged. What basic shapes flavour wasn't in there? Crumpy chicken.

Did you say pizza? Hang on. Yeah, pizza's not in there. Pizza's not in there. Oh, no, sorry. Yeah, pizza's fourth. Yeah. Chicken crimpy. Yeah. That's me. Hang on. Yeah, pizza's not in there. Pizza's not in there. Oh, no, sorry. Yeah, pizza's fourth. Yeah. Chicken crimpy.

Yeah. That's me. Number three. Yeah. Barbecue number two. What's the, because there's four basic choice flavors. What's missing there?

Because you'd think they'd be getting a kick up the ass. Yeah. Your brothers are all, it's like the Barrett's that aren't in the All Blacks. Now, why have we got three in the top 10 and you're not in there? So barbecue, that was number two in the whole list sold 13.4 million packets. Oh, my God.

Wow. As I said, like, shout out to the Scotch Finger. Yeah, because you should just be proud you made the list. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley. From the bustling ZM think tank, this is the top six. Well, it's that time of the year and... This is like someone that turns up to school and their speech is on speeches. It's lazy. It's unimaginative.

Speech on speeches was classic. The best part about this is I didn't even write my speech on speeches. I copied and pasted it from other people's work. Did you? Well, that's how I've done today's top six. Because today's top six is the top six options for today's top six. From our emails? From your emails.

Not one suggestion of my own in the mix. No, you didn't make a single suggestion for your own segment. I had two in mine. They better both be in there. Shannon had a few. Come on. Number six on the list of today's top six suggestions for the top six. Fletch suggested the top six people that the census didn't reach,

but they're missing 1%. Yeah. And I said, for example, and he said, that guy on the run with his kids. And I said, any more? And he was like, what? Well, that's sort of up to you. That's sort of your segment. It's your job.

Tom Phillips is his name. I Googled that much. Because I'm always like, I've got to call him Philip. The guy's got two first names. No wonder he's on the bloody run. Still haven't found him in the kids. I don't know. Like, just send the SAS in there with their night vision goggles

and some tranquilizer guns. It would be a great training exercise for them. Yeah. How long has he been gone for? Three years. No. Oh, my God. Like, seriously.

I feel like last time they saw him, someone said two and a Three years. No. Oh, my God. Like, seriously. I feel like last time they saw him, someone said two and a half years, and I went, no. He's a wanted criminal. Yeah, dude. Get in there and get him out. Where are the kids?

They're pissing around. Oh, God. Do I have to run every thing? That's the thing. It's like when they're filming a TV show, and then they're kind of like, are we going to renew it or not? And they give it a break, and then these kids are like 12.

And then they come back, and they're like, who, dude? Because you're that age in they give it a break, and then these kids are like 12. And then they come back. Who, Dad? Because you're that age in between 12 and 15 where you pretty much turn into an adult. Yeah. Yeah, and then they come back, and they're like, it's me, just, I've been away for the summer. They have those awful moustaches,

like, right down the lip. Yeah. Number five on the list. They actually started, this is great, this is actually starting a really sort of varied, robust discussion about a number of topics. That's the other thing we're covering a lot. Yeah.

You're right, Hayley. I'm a genius. Number five on the list of the top six suggestions for today's top six. Shannon suggested the top six ways to kiss for 58 plus hours. Oh, yeah. The Guinness World Record said no more attempts at this. It's getting to the point where it's dangerous

and people are going to suffocate or die. She did make a funny joke about getting morning breath, day breath, and then morning breath again. Wait, so now you're taking Shannon's original jokes. I gave her credit. I said Shannon made a funny joke and then I delivered the joke without any nuance or passion. You're being a stand-up comedian telling a great joke

but then just quickly chucking it to the start. It's very lazy. It's very lazy. She made a funny joke about getting morning breath, day breath, and morning breath. Again, that's a funny joke about getting morning breath, day breath and morning breath. Again, that's a funny joke, but it's not necessarily contributing to the six ideas involved. Well, there's past rashes, lots of ideas we could have. The one thing I would say about that kissing for any amount of time is that dry saliva smell.

Oh, yuck. It's the smell when your mum used to lick her sleeve or finger and clean your face before you got out of this car. What's that smell? What's that smell later in the day when it dried? Oh, yuck. That was the old test face before you got out of this car. What's that smell? What's that smell? Later in the day when it dried. Oh, yuck. That was the old test on, I want everyone to do this now.

Yeah. Moisten up your tongue. Because I know there's a couple of dry tongues listening. There's got to be. Just lick your wrist. Oh, yeah. Lick it.

Lick it and let it dry. No, I just want it to perfume and spit. So it's really wet. Oh, yeah, yuck. Let that dry. We're going to come back to that. Oh, no. We're going to come, yeah, yuck. Let that dry. We're going to come back to that. No, it's already yuck.

We're going to come back to that. It's already yuck. Number four on the list of today's top six suggestions for today's top six. Hayley suggested top six ways to spice up Charles and Camilla's boring ass Christmas card. Yeah, it's so boring. He's in a grey suit. She's in a blue dress. They're just standing there.

And it's like, Merry Christmas from Camilla and Charles. Well, what are some other ways of spicing it up? Titties. Do you know what I mean? Whose titties? Camilla's, I guess. She's the only one on there. That is a King's Consort that you're

speaking about. Yeah, I know, but no one wants to see that. Hands up if you want to see Camilla's titties. What about them doing, they could just be doing a peace sign or something. That's a very untoward. Or throwing some gang signs,

I don't know. No gang gang. Oh, it just was boring, it was uninspired. Sniff your wrist. No, I'm out. Yuck. Mine's actually pretty good.

Mine just smells like perfume again. I have a cough. You've missed the window. I have a cough. I had a coffee, but I just, fresh brush.

Number three on the list of the top six suggestions for today's top six. Carwin suggested the top six reasons the Hawke's Bay Lotto winners haven't claimed their prize yet and she had two suggestions. One, it's my mum and she hasn't realised and two, they threw the ticket out and didn't know.

Well, the first one was funny. The second one was crap. Yeah, that was crap. Lazy two suggestions. It that was crap Lazy two suggestions They threw it out I mean that's so obvious The top six are sort of Going to have a twinge of humour to it Yeah

It's like saying Mow the lawns I'll get the mower started for you Didn't start Good luck You know Yeah The idea was there

I can't wait to see She actually had three suggestions You've only done two Oh what was it The third must have been so bad I looked at it And didn't include it For a roasting

Someone bought the ticket As a Christmas present And it sat under a tree Not yet to be opened The third must have been so bad I looked at it and didn't include it for a roasting. Someone bought the ticket as a Christmas present and it sat under a tree not yet to be opened. Yeah, that was crap. Yeah. That sucked. Awkward for Carwin. She probably hoped that that one just sort of got swept under the rug, but you brought it to the daylight. Yeah, she was the one that reminded us. She was the one that reminded us.

Shannon's back for number two. Shannon's suggestion for a top six for today's top six options for the top six. Top six ways to cure a hangover. And I said I think we can all agree that moderation is key and binge drinking's for losers. That's what I said. Totally agree. That's what I said. I think we can all agree.

Kings and queens of moderation over here. Exactly. And number one on the list of today's top six suggestions for the top six is Fletchers. If anyone for keeping count, that's two for Fletch, two for Shannon, one for Hayley, one for Carwin. That's crazy because I actually had two suggestions in mind. It's also crazy because Vaughan suggested nothing for his own segment. Yeah, Vaughan got nothing in there.

I don't like to stifle your creativity. Thank you. Yeah. Top six storylines from the Ray Gunn musical musical Wilma sat on was your other top six. No, don't worry. I didn't get it in. What? Again, that's sort of your segment.

What? I didn't realise we had to ride it. What? Fletcher's suggestion. By the way, that one I just read about didn't even make the top six. Yeah. This is like the shapes flavour we just heard of before

that didn't make the top ten when all the other shapes did. Fletcher's top six suggestion for today's top six. Top six New Zealand police calendar ideas. Empty. What is this? Apparently Canada's doing it with their most wanted.

We don't have enough most wanted my king. We've got Tom Phillips and his kids. They can't be a month each. We will have out there. He's the bad guy. The kids have just been taken along. There'll be some. But there's lots of ideas the police could do. Like, January could be like, you know, somebody driving on the wrong side of the road,

like the worst overtaker of the year. Yeah, that'd be good. That'd be funny. Yep, funny. Yeah. There's one. There's one. I mean, do I have to do all of them for you?

Are they after the overtaker or they're just saying... You're just getting too into the detail of it. I'm sorry for being a detail orientated gentleman. Yeah. Trying to run a professional segment around here.

Well there you go really lifting really showing how the sausage is made and showing how little Vaughn does. Give it to you and I'll be in the factory.

It's really showing you how we all make the sausages and Vaughn just stands I sell the sausages. No. I'm the sausage seller. You turn them. I turn the sausages. That's it. Yeah. After we've all done the hard seller. You turn them. I turn the sausages.

That's it. Yeah, after we've all done the hard work. Always be turning. We've made them. That is today's top six. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley. People are sharing online on a Reddit thread

the things that are like classic turn-ons that no one's really finding a turn-on or like a lot of people aren't finding a turn-on. Like the use of the word daddy. Okay. Okay, in the bedroom. Yeah. A lot of people getting in there and being like,

not for me. Not for me. Not for me. To each their own. Not for me. Doing it in the shower, not for a lot of people. Lingerie.

Well, it's slippery, isn't it? It's actually dangerous. Unless you've got one of those like old people. Lingerie. It's slippery, isn't it? It's actually dangerous. Unless you've got one of those like old people showers with the handles. Handrails. Handrails and stuff. On either side. How does that work? Well, just something to hold on to.

Right, for a little extra. You know those shower seats? Oh my God. That would be safest. That would be so great. That looks so great. That would be safest. Yeah, it would be.

You know? Wearing lingerie, you know, like that's a classic sort of fantasy, I guess. A lot of people are like, can't be bothered. And then a lot of men were like, get her off. Yeah. You know what I mean? Yeah. I prefer what's underneath.

There's a few I definitely won't say on radio. The nice position. People are like, the admin. Saying the... like, ugh, the admin. Saying no. No, no, no. The actual. Saying nice is fun. The nice position.

The actual nice position. People were like, oh, no, no, no. A lot of kinks and stuff that people are like, oh, not for me. Fifty Shades of Grey. Oh, no.

How dare he treat me like that. Absolutely not. Well, we ask you, we put a question box up. We do. Asking this very question. What are the classic turn-ons that you don't find a turn-on? Now shout

out to Caitlin. Abs. Or just ripped men in general, especially when they're hairless, not for me. Yeah. I would say when I see... They're not going to want to go out for dessert, are they? This is what I think. I'll see a nice ripped body on Instagram and I'll be like, yeah, that's nice. I can be like, oh yeah. And probably like once

for a one night you know, shenanigan. Yeah. It'll be a joy. But as a long term thing, I'd be like, oh yeah. And probably like once for a one night, you know, shenanigan. Yeah. That would be a joy. But as a long-term thing, I'd be like, you're not fun. You don't, yeah. You're not having a bloody margarita and a pizza with me on a Friday and lounging around bed.

You're up. That takes full maintenance. Yeah. Also, you're the hairless thing. Not for me. Yeah, you're like a hairy man. I do. Okay, this is great.

Men licking their lips LL Cool J style. Who's doing that? Big lit lip. Not for this contributor. Someone says, does twerking count? It's teetering between funny and weird. I mean, twerking is sort of a cultural thing and like a dance thing, but as a sexual thing that's not for this person at all.

Born twerking? Depends. Who? Depends on the booty that's been shaken before you. Schmooze says feet. I mean, that's a claim. I'm not into feet, especially not mine at the moment. They're horrendous. And I've been off a water top.

You've got a wart and a fungal infection. I don't really get the feet. I like my feet being touched, but not in a sexy little way. Attached to the foot. You like a mani-pedi, kind of a foot spa. Yeah, I like a caring touch to the foot. Okay, Jules says, running a foot up someone's leg under the table for some reason is extra gross.

You'd see that in a lot of movies, right? Yeah, yeah. A guy in a pantyhose is attached to the foot. Well, I've got quite dry feet at the moment. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Someone runs their foot up someone else's leg and it's like... Yeah. Snagging the whole way up.

Snagging the pantyhose. Some guy kicks off his Birkenstock with his raw, crusty summer foot and snags me pantyhose. Sean says backwards caps. Oh, yeah, yeah. It's not the early 2000s, is it? There's this one guy I follow on Instagram, one of many, and he skips. He does jump rope and he's real.

Okay, I heard it. I sort of thought of him sort of gaily frolicking through a field. He skips with like a jump rope. It's like an exercise thing. And when he puts his hat backwards... Oh, because if it's forward the skipping rope could hit it. The rope could hit it. Okay. But when he puts it backwards, it's cute. And he's got long hair.

Okay. That's cute. Ash says tongue in the ear. Yuck. Did I clean them or did you? Yeah. Ears are cute. A nibble. I'm into a nibble. Massages. These are the things that people

the turn ons that people don't find attractive. Yeah. These are our listener submissions. Massages. I don't find it sexy. It's pretty nice. You don't find attractive. Yeah, these are our listener submissions. Massages. I don't find it sexy. It's pretty nice. You don't want a massage? But maybe she's just saying she doesn't find it sexy,

like a sexy way to lead into things. Like it's more of a, it needs to be from a trained masseuse. Yeah. Jeremy says, dress up role play. I just feel like an idiot. Yeah. I just feel stupid.

I think Morgan made me do this a couple of times for sex.life. Yep. And I. You didn't like it. She bought a leather kitten ears, you know, like a mask, like a full, like a half face leather. Like an animal. Leather mask.

I don't get the dressing up with anything related to an animal. Yeah. Yeah. But to each their own. That's the thing. Now, Kate says European accents. Most of them come across as rude. Now, I don't join Kate on this.

Yeah, you're a big fan. Actually, any accents. Like, I just love accents. Foreigners. Okay. Please, Anonymous. So the name's been cut off this one. When my hubby does the helicopter.

Yeah, that's not. that's of course not. It's just showing off, isn't it? It's showing off. That's just being silly. It's not. I don't think he's trying to be sexy. No. I don't think he's trying to do a move being like,

is this doing it for you, wife? I think he's being like, hee, hee, hee. I'm a child that never grew up. Hickies, they're just yuck, says someone. Another person says, when he says good girl. Lingerie isn't naked best. Those are our listener submissions for the turn-ons

we don't find turning on at all. Play ZM's Flesh, Born and Haley. Silly Little Pole. It is so silly, silly, silly that Silly Little Pole. Silly Little Pole. Silly Little Pole. Silly Little Pole. Silly Little Pole. Do you think you're an above average driver is today's Silly Little Pole? This doesn't work because 67% of people think they are.

Thus making the average. A little bit higher% of people think they are. Thus making the average... A little bit higher than what people expected. Yeah. Yeah, there was a study recently in Australia and it just showed that Australian men have a huge overconfidence in their own driving ability. That feels shocking to no one, doesn't it? 77% of men surveyed in Australia

believe they're better than average drivers. I am, I think I'm a good driver. Never had a crash other than when an MOTH flew into my car and I didn't hit into anyone other than only a barricade.

Yeah. I get to where I'm going with swiftness. Yep. I don't piddle around. Yep. Happy to take a mountain. I don't overtake without a passing lane.

I really don't like doing that. Yeah. I'm a great driver. And we'd all agree, wouldn't we? And Vaughan is a very safe, slow... Slow driver. Slow driver. Lovely slow car.

And a slow car. I don't want to roast him too much, though, because me and Aaron are both not confident at driving trailers. So this week we need to pick something up on a trailer and we have hired Vaughan Services to help us do it. Because he's good at reversing. Yeah, we can't reverse. We've got a skinny driveway.

It's just, oh no, it's too much. Yeah. So we were like, help us Vaughan. Erica says, I knew I was good at driving when I parallel parked my car perfectly, got out at a cafe in front of a group of old men and they gave me praise about how good it was. Yeah, nice.

That's when I peaked at life and driving. Yeah. Jenny says, I don't speed. I drive defensively and with patience. So no stupid risks. And I'm a nurse. I've seen far too many car crash victims.

Yeah, I always wondered if you were like a fire, you know, you worked in the fire services or police or paramedics, if that would change how you drive. I know a cop who said that if you get caught texting and driving,

you should have to see the photos of people involved in crashes that were texting and driving. And I was like, that'd sure like put people off. Yeah. People who think

they're above average drivers usually aren't, says Kathy. It's that confidence that brings them down. Sounds like Kathy's going 80 in the right lane. Yeah, It's that confidence that brings them down. Sounds like Cathy's going 80 in the right lane. Yeah, 80. Sounds like Cathy's going 80 in the right lane.

Cathy, we just need you in the middle or the left lane because we're doing 100 and we're in that lane. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So get out of the way. I'm happy for Cathy to take it at her own pace, but just not in that lane. Livvy says anyone that can back a trailer and drive a manual these days, I think, automatically makes them an above average driver

because it's something people can't do. I hit too many stationary objects, said Marley. We actually really respect your honesty. Yeah, and we thank you for it. That's not good. I have an app on my phone, says Aisha, that tracks my driving and gives you a report to send to insurance providers when you are looking to renew.

A high score saves you money. My score is 979 out of a possible 1,000. Yeah, perfect. Why would you sign up to that app? Why would you sign up to that app? I wouldn't voluntarily do it. How quickly would it drop you for one sudden break? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah. Or you end up going 130 in a passing lane just because, you know, the car sped up. And you really need to get past it. You're like, you've put me in a tough position here. It gives you cheaper insurance, says Carwin. You have to be fairly confident. It's like getting a dash cam. You've got to be pretty confident that you're not the problem.

Yeah. Leanne said, I indicate left as I'm leaving a roundabout. No one else does that, so I am above average. I know I'm bad, says Shane. I wiped out three parked cars on my first driving test and barely passed the second one. How do you go from wiping out three parked cars to passing on the second one?

Yeah. I'm not really sure I should be allowed on the road now, even. Oh, that doesn't, it's not good confidence, is it? It doesn't inspire confidence. This is great. Ash, I absolutely not. I swear I black out while driving. An autopilot gets me home.

It's literally like Jesus take the wheel vibes. No, we've all had that on a road trip. You're like, oh, wow, I'm home. How did that happen? Yeah. And Adam said, I'm an ambulance driver. I can confirm I'm better than the average. But being an ambulance driver also makes you realize how low the standard is

when driving under lights and sirens and seeing how badly people react. But it is a panic. You're just like, ah, get out of the way. Oh, yeah, totally. You see some people, when they're not moving, you're like, what is up? Just get out of the way. Yeah. How do you not see the lights and the sirens?

I hate when you don't see it until it's right up behind you, but you always see it when it's there. Yeah. Yeah. Some people are just like, I don't know, are they going to go around me? You let them pass and then you get them behind them so you can follow in their tails. That's a little pole.

Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley. Oh, no. Kim Kardashian's broken her foot and she's in an ugly moon boot. Aaron's just been in a moon boot recently. Yeah, he has. I've never broken a bone. Touchwood. That's for Micah. Underneath. That's for Micah. Underneath. A little bit of wood- recently. Yeah, he has. I've never broken a bone. Touch wood. That's for Micah.

Underneath. That's for Micah. Underneath. A little bit of wood-esque. Yeah. I've broken my arm twice, the same arm twice, and maybe a finger,

but no, I've never broken my foot. That's a pain in the butt. Oh, yeah. Like the moon boot is so uncool. And this is why I think it's funny that Kim Kardashian's

wearing one because she's so like fashion. She's so image conscious. She showed a photo of her one foot in a moon boot and one in a Balenciaga high heel. Then I'm like, then one of the heels. Yeah, what does she have to get a lift? A platform on the moon boot to match the heel.

She cut off one of the Balenciaga heels. No, she wouldn't. And put it on the moon boat. Oh, she wouldn't, would she? Oh, she would probably. You know, she won't say how she broke it, so it's making me think that maybe it was something really embarrassing. Or like just missed a step or something?

Yeah, well, she's been doing a collab with North Face. Oh, right. Like a skiing thing. So everyone was like, maybe it was a skiing ex. Is one of her kids called North? Yeah. That'd be so weird doing a collab with someone you've got the same name

as your child it'd be like Christine your mum doing a collaboration with Vaughn Face I was going to say more like Augustine yeah

Augustine Vaughn Smith ex Augustine what are you designing for Augustine you know they love their bright colours and their sparkles

yeah a pohutukawa dress yeah lovely great it's bright it's vibrant get on board or get out of my way bright colours and their sparkles. Yeah. A Pohutukawa dress. Yeah, lovely. Great. It's bright. It's vibrant. Get on board or get out of my way. So that's just a hypothesis. Like people don't actually know. Yep. But she is doing a Skims North Face collaboration. But she has been

spotted in a moon boot. In a moon boot and crutches. Yeah. But it's not holding her back. She's going out. She's going to all the fashion things. She's been, you know, out and about, seen in public on this moon boot. She's rocking it as only Kim K can. I remember because this is what I want to know this morning is if you, when did an injury not hold you back? Because I remember when I was maybe 18.

Yeah. And life was all about hitting the clips. You did not go in a moon boot. No, I didn't go in a moon boot, but I should have. I was getting ready in my friend Maria's bedroom, as you did, having some drinks, doing makeup and stuff, and I rolled my ankle, like I fell and rolled my ankle. Yeah.

And we were heading to Declurps, and I was so looking forward to the night that I remember tying a big scarf around it and just heading to Declurps. And then, yeah, the next day, it was quite bad. And I jammed it into a leather cowboy boot. I'm quite ahead of my time with cowboy boots. Because I thought that

it would be really good stability. And when I got home I couldn't take it off because it had swollen so badly. So I slept in it. And I think it might have taken a day or two to come off. But I did hit the clear ups. So this is the kind of story we want to hear this morning. When were you injured and it didn't hold you back?

Maybe you like jammed your finger in the door, but you had to go. Maybe you broke your arm, but you still did the marathon. Could you do a marathon or a half? No, imagine the joke. No, because you've been so far into it, you'd broken your arm. Yeah. But you could if it was all casted up and set, but like straight fresh break just holding it.

I wouldn't imagine that would be conducive. Well, like you've got a holiday booked and you break your arm or your leg. And you're like, well, I guess I've just got to go to the beach. I've got to go to Fiji or Raro with a broken leg. It would be horrible. Someone messaged, yeah. Or maybe like, oh my God, imagine just before your wedding day. Yeah.

You like snap your Achilles or something. You're like, well, I'm not rebooking everything. You can't do that. Someone messaged in, my legend of a father lost his leg at age 25, so he had an amputation. Yeah. As soon as he was able to walk again, he went back to work and continued to work through the days, now 64.

So just was like, right, I'm up. Carry on. Keep going. Where's your leg? Nah, doesn't matter. It's gone now. She'll be right. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley.

Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley. Well,M's Flesh, Vaughan and Hayley. Well, poor old Kim K, she's in a moon boot. Yeah. Not holding her back, though. She's seen out rocking one heel, a Balenciaga heel on one foot, the moon boot on t'other. And it's not holding her back. No.

So we want to know when you had an injury and it didn't hold you back. Do you remember when our friend Big Hearted James got a moon boot? No. Because he fell off the stage singing karaoke. I don't. And then he still went to the clubs. And do you know what? He scored.

He scored. People loved. People like. Did you see him shoot a shotgun yesterday on his Instagram story? I did, yeah. And nailed that clay bird? Yeah. And then he didn't even spin around and be like.

He did that thing where you rip around a gun and like, yay. He didn't know how to come and he had it. That's the hottest he's ever been in my book. Oh, wow. Okay, yeah. I'm about to tell him. So we hooked up because I just don't know. At what moment are you removing the moon boot?

Yeah, people just saw the moon boot and I think maybe they thought it was a vulnerable. Could you take your shirt off? Take off my moon boot. Bit of a hack. Bit of a hack maybe. Wear a moon boot to the club. Yeah, wear a moon boot. People like a, what do they call it?

Something duckling. An injured duckling. Is that the thing? No, it's anbird. People like a, what do they call it? Something duckling. An injured duckling. Is that the thing? No, it's an ugly duckling. No, ugly duckling. It's ugly duckling. Is it a limping puppy? Oh, if you saw a limping puppy, you'd be like, oh.

I'd adopt her. I'd adopt her. Yeah. Straight away. And the gay equivalent of adopting an injured puppy is hooking up with a hot dude. Hannah, what didn't hold you back? When I was a kid, I went on a sports trip with my school and we went

roller skating. It was my first ever time. And I fell over and I broke my wrist. And the people at the sports centre was like, no, we don't think it's broken. It's definitely not broken, but we can take you to the ER if you want. And I was like, no, I want pizza. We went to the sports centre that we're going to afterwards. We got pizza. They put my arm in my hoodie as like a sling. I

was playing pool left-handed against this boy and I beat him. Yeah. And I'm right-handed, so I was quite impressed with myself. I'm impressed with you. I think it was letting you win so I could try and hook up with you. Oh, shut up. No, absolutely not. Not at that age. Guys will do anything to it. You just heard us.

They took me home and then mum looked at me and went, oh my gosh, what did you do? She took me in the next day and it was definitely broken. Yeah, broken. Oh, wow.

So you didn't let a social evening hold you back. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So you didn't let a social evening hold you back? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You wanted pizza. I really wanted that pizza. She wanted pizza and you won a game of pool. I love that. Thanks, Hannah. Grace, what didn't hold you back? I was probably into

media age and I used to ride horses and I fell off and broke my arm and we had this big competition coming up and so when I broke my arm I And we had this big competition coming up. And so when I broke my arm, I think the competition was about a week or two later. And it was like a team thing. We'd been working for months and months and months. I decided the cast was only up to my elbows.

I thought, no, I can still ride. That's all good. So I ended up doing this massive competition. I think it was over a few days, over a weekend. And by the end of the weekend, my arm was really sore. I went back to the doctors and they had to put me back to hospital, re-snap my arm and re-test it because it hadn't healed properly. Yeah, of course it hadn't healed.

They don't do that if they're not held. Riding the horse, holding the reins had totally, like, munted my arm again. Oh, my God. So stupid. Did your team do all right, though? Was it worth it in the end? I think so. I had a good weekend.

You can't let the team down. You can't let the team down. Exactly. Grace, thank you. Maddie, when did an injury not hold you back? I had a school fair one time. We were just walking around, and something landed on my head, and I was like, what the heck's on my hair?

I put my hand up onto my head and it was a bee and got stung by a bee. I'm pretty allergic to bee stings and my hands welled up like a balloon. I ended up in ED. But I had the Justin Bieber concert the next day and I was not missing the Justin Bieber concert.

So I ended up in Justin Bieber concert with a sling and I looked pretty cool. You went to Justin Bieber with a fat hand? Yeah. And a sling. Yeah, shame. That's the thing.

At the height of Justin Bieber, you weren't missing Justin Bieber. You just were like, cut it off. I don't need the arm. Yeah, yeah, yeah. This is just, you take it. You're like, Maddie, Maddie, it's just a beast. Get it off. Cut it off and cauterize the wound.

Maddie, thank you. Some messages in. I broke my leg on the Tuesday before journey go to Hamner Springs on the weekend. So I had a cast on. It wasn't going to stop me though. I floated my broken leg in what looked like a giant condom. But I got my relaxation. Husband broke his collarbone two weeks before our winter escape.

We still went. He just bronzed and relaxed in the sun while I did the bags, the kids and all the other parenting essentials that required a shoulder. Oh wow, that sounds fun. Someone broke their little toe the morning of a half Ironman. Did it anyway. Like Ironman's ridiculous.

Yeah, it's a lot. Broke my foot. Thought it might be broken but I had Speedway that weekend. Good morning to our Speedway listeners. Good morning. We can talk about almost anything and someone will bring in Speedway. Yeah, love it.

My daughter was racing, so I ignored it for five days. After Speedway, I went to the doctor. Yeah, she was pretty broken, all right. She was pretty bad. He was pretty upset at me that I'd been walking around on her. I was at a friend's anniversary party. I tended to do... We've all seen this. I tended to do... We've all seen this.

I tended to do the splits. Oh, no. Tore my hamstring. Oh! I knew it was bad, but continued on with my night hobbling around, then proceeded to fall down the stairs and roll my other ankle.

Still continued on. Went to work on Monday, not being able to walk and on crutches. Worst thing is I'm a personal trainer. Oh, wow. Okay. I broke my arm falling off a horse. This is a thing. Okay. Yeah. I feel like everyone's. Oh, wow. Okay. I broke my arm falling off a horse. This is a thing.

Okay. Yeah. I feel like everyone's falling off of horses. Dangerous. The only, when I went to get the cast, the only colour they had left was bright blue. So I was like, okay. It didn't stop me from doing my job, however, which was grid girl for the V8s. Good morning.

I had to Photoshop my big bright blue cast out of all of the posters. Oh, wow. For the V8s. I broke my back in five places. What? In a motorbike accident. I thought, hey, it's not that bad. It's a good idea to try and walk it off.

Turns out you can't really walk off a broken back. You can't walk off spinal injuries. You couldn't walk off the pain, so they fell on their face. Oh. And broke that too. This is terrible. Sprained one ankle on my mates. This is like my story.

Sprained one ankle on my mates preloading. Went clubbing. While waiting for a taxi, I stumbled off the curb. Sprained the other ankle. Woke up on the couch the next morning, both ankles swollen and bruised. Must have been a great night. A&E would see some things on Sunday, eh? Oh my gosh. They would see some things on Sunday, eh?

Oh, my God. They would see some things. I think it's... It would... Hmm. Would it change your attitude towards how you partied on the weekend if you had to do 24 hours in an A&E? Maybe it would. I just think it's...

You hear about how busy they are. Yeah, I know. Maybe it would. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley. We have three very special guests in studio from the new Lord of the Rings film, The War of Rohrim, joining us in studio,

Gaia, Lawrence and Miranda. Hello. Hello. Hello, good morning. You've also brought such a ginormous crew. We were sort of expecting you guys and maybe a little PR team, but there's like 20 people just turned up behind.

You've got a real gang. We have an entourage. None of us quite know what to do with it oh yeah really, you're also like they were wonderful but you know it's like, do I need touch ups that often? is this it's almost an insult

we like you all we'll give you a little touch up it's just constant today had you guys met before? I watch a lot of how animated, I love animation, and how people who made series long, animated series, never met each other through the entire thing. So is this like the first time you guys have all met?

Yes. Today is the first time we've ever met. We just met this morning. Seriously? Yeah, just this morning. Yeah. It's a historic moment that you're witnessing. I've met Luca.

You've met Luca, lovely Luca. I met Luca at a convention, but apart from that, no. Yeah, Lawrence and I only met, we've actually, this is the second time that we've worked on a project and actually never done scenes together because we've worked on a series in London as well. But we met the first day on press in London.

So are you always voicing individually, even when there's a scene with like a couple of you? Absolutely. Wow, is it hard? I think you just adjust to it. You think at first that that might be hard and then it isn't. Yeah, I mean, I did my scenes with Lorraine

Ashbourne, who plays Olwen. We did it together, which I think lends itself really lovely to the characterisation because they're supposed to be sort of joined at the hip. Yeah. Whereas every, I think all the other characters, there is a degree of separation. So actually doing it separately, I've been calling it long form verbal tennis.

Yeah. Sort of whack back. And then sit down for a bit. And then six months later, you get a whack back. Not like the whack back doesn't match your whack. So we need to redo the whack. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I'm going to give you my extra whack. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Shout out to the editors who, I guess, get all the individual tracks and then try to make almost faux chemistry, right? Because when you're acting

face to face, it's all about chemistry and connection, but then through voices there, they'd be the ones creating it, right? Unless you get to be in the studio.

I mean, you have the second time that we did, the second pass that we did it, which was two years ago. Two years ago. had lawrence in my headphones i had the tracks that he'd laid i had brian in my headphones so you are then acting to a voice as well how do they decide who goes first though lawrence did you have to go raw dog yeah i did i did and then and then i thought i was acting to nothing especially when it comes to the scenes with Brian Cox.

So I gave it everything and I thought, huh, he's going to have a hard time dealing with that. Eat that, Brian. Six months later, Brian Cox's voice comes into your headphones and it's like being on set. You do like 20 takes or whatever. So to have Brian Cox berating you

with that voice of his for two hours incessantly. You fucking little shit to think Brian Cox is going to be on the back foot. I was humbled. Yeah, dude. It's Brian Cox, though. Emphatically.

Yeah, what chance did I think I actually had? Yeah, dude. I'm going to admire that. The sheer audacity. Yeah. And Miranda, you're back as Eowyn from who we know from the Lord of the Rings original trilogy. By the way, I've just watched that with my youngest daughter. And when you stabbed the Witch King in the face, she said that was her favourite part of the whole film.

We'd be dining out in it. That's the best part of the entire trilogy. One for the girls. Yeah, totally one for the girls. It was awesome. It's my favourite moment too. Yeah. Yeah, absolutely.

One for the boys too. Well, this film's one for the girls as well. Absolutely one for the girls. So how was it getting back into that? Because what, it's been 20 years? Yeah, it has. 2003 was when Return of the King came that? Because what, it's been 20 years? Yeah, it has. 2003 was when Return of the King came out? Yes, yes it was.

So 21 years now? Yeah, and so the first recording that I did on it was actually in Los Angeles when I was living there and it was so different on that one because I hadn't had a chance, I hadn't heard anybody else and, you know, everything there was just like a few sketches to look at. But when I came back in May, I actually came back to Wellington,

back to Park Road Studios. And that was so full of the original energy of Middle Earth. So that made it so much easier. Because you're like, without giving anything too much away, this is set 200 years before the Lord of the Rings trilogy that we know. So obviously your character wasn't alive then. It's her. She's narrating it.

She's telling the story of it. And then when that opening scene, we've seen the movie, and the opening scene where it comes on and it's your voice and it's just so pitch perfect to the Lord of the Rings and the map unfolding, which is how we're used to them starting. Oh, I got goosebumps now. I know. I love it now. It's so good.

Me too. I really felt like that in the recording, being back with Philippa and back with the original technicians at Park Road. It really was a very emotional kind of moment. Just think about New Zealand. Nothing changes. We're just like, yeah, we're still here. Same guy, same receptionist. We got you.

Still going along. You guys are heading down to Hobbiton, right? You would have been, Miranda, before. I have never been to Hobbiton. What? Never. She had no business. I never shot in Hobbiton. She was from Rohan in the movie, Hayley.

Oh, I know this, but I feel like everyone of that universe must have, like, paid a visit to it. You've got a free pass at least. Yeah, yeah. I need to know if now, because we are part of the universe, do we get free access for life? That's... Surely. I would think so. Someone needs to tell me. It's a long way to just pop over or at least free drinks at the bar what's the bar called the green dragon

yeah the green dragon you guys need to take printouts of your character and put them up in front of your face and do the voice and then be like see whereas miranda's like see yeah she's straight do you guys feel the magic i guess of being here In New Zealand Because like we are so Lord of the Rings It's at our essence You know It's basically One of the biggest ways

That people know us It really is It really is And yeah I definitely feel it It's like an honorary Middle earth to be In New Zealand

You're all honorary New Zealanders Hobbit So no one's been To Hobbiton before No It's going to blow your mind It is going to blow your mind

Because it used to just be The doors But now they've... The actual rooms. They've actually set up the rooms now. Everything's... And this time of year, because it's all going to be in flower

and all the gardens and stuff, it's going to be prime Hobbiton time. You guys are going to have such fun. I was already excited, but now... Oh my God. We're genuinely so proud, eh, of the whole Lord of the Rings world and it's so awesome to have you guys as part of it.

Oh, we're so excited. Awesome. Well,'re so excited. Awesome. Well thanks so much for coming in. The movie rules. I just love anything Lord of the Rings. Out on the 12th.

I know yeah it's out on the 12th but I don't know if you guys can pass on just keep the content coming. Let's not wait another 20 years for a Lord of the Rings. I'll pass that message on

to people. Please do. You want it. Of course actors involved in that. Yes please. Keep it coming. Absolutely. Thank you guys. Of course, actors involved. Yes, please. Yes, please. Keep it coming.

Absolutely. Thank you so much. Thank you. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley. Finished. The Error's Tour is done. It's over.

Do you know it's grossed just over $2 billion? Yeah, and I was just reading. That's insane amounts of money. Crazy. Taylor Swift gave out, over the two years of the ERA tour, $197 million. So that's US dollars to her cast and crew of the show, and bonuses.

So it's like everyone, security, caterers. Yeah, truck drivers, caterers, instrument techs, merch team, lighting, sound production staff, obviously dancers, band security, choreographers, pyrotechnics, riggers, hair, makeup, wardrobe, everyone. So that would be about 10% of the total tour. Yeah. That's insane. I mean, that's really generous.

Yeah. That's a really generous thing. Anyway, so last night, right? Yeah, last night in Vancouver was the final ever concert of the Eras Tour. And we sent Kendall to enjoy it. And she's on the phone now. Good morning, Kendall. Hi, guys.

Good morning. How was it? Oh, my gosh. It was magical. Like when you see it online and you imagine what it's like being there, it's so beautiful and it was the best show I've been to, hands down. Do you think there was a special energy because it was the last show on the Eros tour? Definitely, yeah, definitely.

You could feel like a sense of just connection and all the fans were so happy, but also really, really sad too. But overall, just amazing. I cried so many times. I was going to ask if you cried. I reckon a lot of people would have been crying. Taylor Swift cried quite a lot on stage, I saw. Yes, we had,, after champagne problems,

there was a fan page and we said, we're going to sing happy birthday to her. So it was a standing ovation for three minutes. So we were all cheering and then we sung a happy birthday. It was amazing. Jeepers. And what did she, did she like say anything emotional or say anything like final words because it was the last night? Yes, when she was performing a few songs from her Folklore album

she was talking about how it was a real honour to actually be able to perform these songs because she never thought she'd get a chance to perform this album as it was written. She was writing it during the first few days of the pandemic. And during her acoustic set, it was just really beautiful. And you could tell that it really means so much to her. And she's just a really grateful, genuine person. So it was honestly amazing.

We're so, so grateful. Thank you, guys. It was beautiful. Thank you. I'm so glad you enjoyed it. What was your highlight? So, so grateful. Thank you, guys. It was beautiful. Thank you. I'm so glad you enjoyed it. What was your highlight? Probably when she sang Lover.

It was amazing to be there with my partner, who we've been doing long distance for three months. So the fact that, you know, she could fly back for the show and we could be together. And it was just beautiful. So good. Kendall, you sound like really you sound tired but also like really at peace. Yeah, you do.

I am. You're fulfilled and you are whole again. Yes. Amazing. Is it snowing there? Not in the city where we're staying, but tomorrow we are going snowshoeing, which I believe is where you put tennis rackets on your feet.

I've always wanted to put tennis rackets on my feet. Snowshoeing. Are you doing that Grouse Mountain behind Vancouver or? Yes, yeah. A little bit out of town. Oh, my God. This looks so cool. Such a cool city.

It is. It's like mini snowboards on your feet. Oh, my God. This looks so cool. Well, enjoy, Kendall. Thank you so much for the report from the final Night of the Ears tour. Yeah, appreciate you and enjoy the rest of your trip. Oh, thank you guys so much.

You've made my life. This is amazing. This is a rest of your trip. Oh, thank you guys so much. You've, like, made my life. This is amazing. This is a trip of a lifetime. We love ZM. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley. It is time to get your calendars and your diaries sorted for 2025, isn't it? And we have made our inspirational... Jess, you may have heard me typing,

Fletch is about to throw a knife at me. I'm replying to someone because they messaged us. Can I just digress if I may? Please, please, please. They messaged us. Put the knife down. I teach sex ed. It's not all transgenderism and sexuality.

Maybe people should take some time to understand the subject than just this knee-jerk reaction I constantly hear on your station. And I said, hello, dear friend. You have reached out to ZM where you will find nothing but compassion. And we're trying to take ZB. I said, what you want friend, you have reached out to ZM, where you will find nothing but compassion and love and support. Trying to take ZB. I said, what you want is the rage baiters upstairs who'd love doing this sort of shit to get the old people going. Yeah, that's not us. And I said, you want

9292, not 9696. You'll find nothing but love and support here. Yeah. Good morning to our trans listeners. So that's just why I was, good morning to all of our listeners. Good morning to everyone. Regardless. We're happy to have you. We'll just take anyone, to be honest. Your gender is of no interest to us as long as you're listening

and laughing out loud with Fletch, Fawn and Hayley every morning. But a specific hello to our lesbian listeners. But I will say, these calendars aren't for gay people. I don't give calendars to gays. These are not for the queer community. These are not for homosexuals. How many gay friends do you have? Like a lot.

All of them. The majority? I would say I'm probably running a pretty solid 50-50. Yeah, I think you are. Yeah, same. Which reminds me, I've got to have a friend, Kel. Oh, no. It's that time of the year.

But it can't be us because it'll impact work. No, no, no. You can stay on as long as your contract lasts. Are you going to do that thing on Facebook where you're like, if you see this, you've made the cut. You've survived. Oh God. I joke, I kid. Throughout the year we kept on,

inspirational words floweth from us at all times. And you may have heard us saying one or two sentences and we would yell, put that on a horse. Calendar. That was code for add it to the list of quotes for our AI generated, sorry, local artists. Yeah, we've really screwed the local artists.

Ain't nobody got budget for that. Ain't nobody got budget to sit down and paint 12 horses with beautiful landscapes in the background. So we have developed, we've printed a calendar with 12 motivational quotes with horses. It's called Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley's 2025 Motivational Quotes Next to Horses Calendar. And it's got AI generated horse with three men on it,

but our faces, which makes me on the cover look jacked. You're wearing a puffer, you look like you're wearing a sort of a puffer jacket. Puffer suit. Yeah. And you'll never see this in real life. Collared shirts under a nice woolen jersey. Yeah.

You'll never see it. AI doesn't get us. Now, do you want to know one of my favourite things is there is a printing era. Now, this will become a collector's edition. Yes. Because on the 23rd of June, whose birthday is that for? My birthday. Well, now you share it with Hayley

because due to a printing error so Carwen who did this we need to go through every 8th of October at Hayley's birthday yeah

her 36th birthday no you don't want to number that it can't be possible you're so off yeah Carwen have we requested a refund

for this printing error you know I haven't actually requested a refund. I think because Carwen realises it was her mistake. No, it definitely wasn't. No, because I watched her put it in. So it wasn't her mistake. Really? Yeah.

Okay, well then we should request a refund. Yeah. I will say, calendars are quite expensive to make. We got these pretty cheap. You would never guess because it's got quite a good... It's got a good finish. And it's got quite a good It's got a good finish and it's got a gloss It's got a gloss

I really like that they're really good quality Do you want to read out June's inappropriate Don't read June Okay Here's my favourite Here's my favourite month

Sorry say again Shannon You're talking all over the hosts Sorry This is our show now Shannon Shannon shut up The hosts are talking No Shannon carry on please I was just saying I asked for that one to be on June because that's my birthday month This is our show now. Shannon, shut up. The hosts are talking.

No, Shannon, carry on, please. I was just saying I asked for that one to be on June because that's my birthday month. That's your birthday. Well, it's all of our birthday months now. I would like to share May. Because when these words left Vaughan Ellen Smith's mouth, a tear came to my eye. How do I know what I think until I see what I say?

Now that's next to a beautiful blonde horse. Can't read that one. That's a Palomino, not blonde. I think it was just my one last wish. From someone who played a lot of Red Dead Redemption, Hayley, that is a very rare horse. Was this me that said this or you, Hayley? Life is short, go to Phuket, not Plunkett.

I think it was a collective effort between the two of you. Yeah, get off of us. I just really like, July sums it up. My M-O is N-O. Yeah, great. You know how I love saying no. It's one of my favourite words to say. Is this, whose life motto is this?

Because you know mine is, what's the worst that could happen or drink it while it's fizzy? Yep. Never trust anyone ever. Full stop. Ever. That's you, Fletch. That's me.

My, actually in March, bravery is believing you can when you think you can't. That was actually a real saying I invented to give to some school kids. Yeah, that's right. And you were so chuffed with yourself. And then that's like March. You're like, man, that's meaningful.

You'll flick over to April and it'll say, wham, bam, thank you, hand. Great quotes. Well, wait. June, I'll just read the first half of June. No, I don't think you should. Okay. Okay. Now, hand. Great quotes. Well, wait. Well, June, I'll just read the first half of June. No, I don't think you should. Okay. Okay.

Now, these. June got sent on a podcast, never on air, I don't think. Yeah. Play ZM's Fletchborn and Hayley. Yesterday, after school, I picked the girls up. I said, you guys know the Driving Rangers? And they said, no. Why did you have a hankering to go to a-

I had a hankering to hit something. Oh. Oh, yeah, fun. And the place where the driving range is also has a batting cage, a baseball batting cage. I've never seen this place. You drive past it literally every day. You might want to open your eyes while you're driving.

And I don't know if the batting cage... Last time I went, the batting cage was there. I don't know if it was working yesterday, but I was like, I'm not putting my darling daughters in front of a baseball going that fast. No, they are big. So I was like, do you guys know what a driving range is? And they're like, not really. I was like, so it's like golf.

And they're like, oh, mini putt. And I'm like, nah, the opposite end of the golf game. Maxi whack. Maxi whack. Maxi whack. And they're like, oh, okay. I said, do you want whack. Maxi whack. And they're like, oh, okay. I said, do you want to give it a go? And they were like, yeah, sure.

So went home, put on some sensible shoes. Oh, for God's sake. You've got to have a sort of a sneaker. Sorry, sorry. I just got really turned on. Yeah. Went home, put on some sensible shoes. Got out of the school uniform and hit up the driving range.

Fun. I've never done it. It's so much fun. I love it. Yeah, I've never done it. It's so much fun. I love it. Yeah, I've never played golf. It is good fun, especially when the balls come out with the machine. If it's an automatic, if it goes down the edge. Yeah, that's cool.

Yeah, but the problem with that is they're in real control of how many balls you've got. Sometimes you can, like, you know. Get a few extra. I never go out in front of it, but if someone's duffed it and it's rolled down, I'll grab that one. Yeah, why not? It's just sitting there. It's a free hit. It's a few extra. I never go out in front of it but if someone's duffed it and it's rolled down I'll grab that one. Yeah, why not? It's a free hit. So I went there and I was like okay, so this is kind of what we do.

This is how we hold it. I can remember holding How to Hold a Golf Club from golf lessons as a kid. So you're teaching your kids and you're rubbish at golf. Yeah, they've got to start somewhere. Do you even play? I used to. Right. I'm never any good. I can whack it real far.

That's it. Okay. And as I get older, my short game has come along, but I don't play consistently enough to have a handicap or anything like that. Yeah, right. So, and it's one of those things, maybe I should. Maybe I should, but maybe I should take up golf. We've got some lovely golf courses near our house.

We've just got some beautiful greenery golf courses all around this country. My father plays golf every week, a couple of times a week. Does he? He loves it, yeah. What's his home course down there in the Huararapa? Martinborough. Martinborough. Lovely.

And they go for a lovely wahine afterwards. Wahine at the clubhouse. So, um... Do you think, can I ask you a question? Go on. It's related but a small digression. You may. I want my dad, because there's a golf course right at the end of my road,

the Huapai Golf Club, and it's a nice big course, and I want my dad to try it. But he was like, I don't have any friends up there that play golf. And I said, why don't I get Ursula Carlson to come play with you? She's a fiend. Wouldn't that be a good mix? Ursula plays great golf. Look, she plays, she's a golfer.

Yeah, dude, she's great. A big time. She does not strike me as a golfer. Yeah,'s great Big time She does not strike me As a golfer Yeah yeah yeah She loves it I don't think she had The patience for it

She's very fiery South African Very aggressive I can imagine She's wrapped a couple Of clubs around trees In her time But yeah

So I took it along Indy immediately held The golf club Like a hockey stick Because she plays hockey I was like That's going to take Some adjusting

And through two big Baskets of balls It never came The adjustment never happened i don't think she's going to be my golfer however oh she has great promise okay okay great promise sports dad she had a seven a seven iron and she was getting some great lift on it yeah right right left she was slow on the swing through and just patient and i was like i can see that was the first time holding a golf club yeah Yeah. She just started it earlier.

I know, I didn't think about it. She's almost too late. She's never going to be Lydia Ko. What if she's one of those late bloomers and she gets a movie made about her one time that she just took it up when she... Was 40. She didn't make the ice hockey team,

but she had a really powerful slap shot. That's Happy Gilmore, Dave. Oh, I knew it. That's Happy Gilmore. Are you eyeing some potential big money earning? Yeah. Money in golf, eh? Money in golf.

Money in tennis. Recently, the Herald published a list of the top 10 sports people in New Zealand. Lydia Coe was eighth. Stephen Adams. With an estimated 12-month earnings of $5 million. That'd be all right. Ryan Fox. Yeah.

He's a golfer. $5.6 million. He was seventh on the list. Steve Alka, $5.98. Joseph Parker, no. Stephen Adams dollars he was 7th on the list Steve Alka 5.98 Joseph Parker no no other golfer's on the list

it was Stephen Adams who was number 1 Stephen Alka and then when that guy started playing golf all of our schoolmates was like is that the guy

who went to school that no one could work out because he couldn't remember what he looked like oh yeah forgettable was it him I don't think so

you still don't know no I don't know I don't know for certain. But if it was from Morrisville, you would have heard about it because people from Morrisville always tell you that from Morrisville. I want to know this morning

what your parents really wanted you to be good at. My parents, bless them, we look back, we thought we were hard done by because we didn't get a starter jacket. We had a set of golf clubs. We had like cricket gear. Like any sport we wanted,

they were always up to pay for us to try a sport. Rubbish at all of them. Dude, so shit at cricket. Unbelievably bad at cricket. Yeah. Like so bad. You became a Nepo hockey baby. Well, that's the one thing I kind of settled in on.

Yeah. But golf, I liked it, but I never really took it seriously enough to get any good at it. I just like going for a walk and, like, yarning. Yeah, because, you know, you hear of the tiger moms that really push their kids. Do you see any of that at, like, kids'

sports that you go to with yours? Yeah. You know what's the worst? Netball. Really? Netball's the worst. Yeah, I've heard. And it's because the courts are so small they can be closer to the kid. Right. But they're closer to everybody. Like, a rugby field's 100 metres long and it's got all the sides and it's spread out. And the netball, everyone's cradled around and they're closer to everybody. Like a rugby field's 100 metres long. Yes, you can spread out. And spread all the sides and spread out.

In the netball, everyone's cradled around and they're yelling. I was just like, it's not for me. Yeah, right. It's too much. You've got the parents that are like driving their kids because they want them to be silver ferns. Oh, yeah. My dad wanted me to be a tennis player for sure and I was terrible.

I guess you could say my parents were like that with the piano when I was like, after a while, like, oh, I don't want to do anymore. She was like, like hell. You're going to the end. Yeah. Here we go, right to the end of the music board. She was like, like hell. You're going to the end. Yeah. Here we go, right to the end of the music board. Speaking of which, Boyz II Men, End of the Road, play it now. You're like.

Yeah. Shut up straight. Okay, 0800-DARLS-AT-EMU. We want to take your calls now. 9696 to text in. What did your parents really want you to be good at? What did they push you into? Maybe you started something.

Does it have to be sports? No, no, no, no. Maybe you ended up being really good at it or maybe you were so bad and you were nothing but a disappointment in their eyes. We're talking about what your parents always wanted you to be good at. What they were shuffling you

towards or pushing you into. Gently. Gently were shuffling you towards. Yeah, pushing you into. Gently push, push, push, push, push. Yep. Some messages in, and this one's a popular one. I hadn't even considered it. Dancing. Oh, yeah, Dance Moms.

Dance Moms. Yeah, right. Mum wanted me to be a ballerina, but I was more like the hippos from Fantasia. Now, that's a legendary Disney reference. Mum is now a senior swan and doing ballet with other older ladies and loving it. Oh, that's so nice. I do love seeing someone chuck in a dance mum's face.

If you think it's easy, you do it. You do it. Yeah. Dania, what were your parents wanting you to be really good at? It was my mum. She thought that having a little girl would be good to do gymnastics. Yeah. She took me, and I think I was around four.

Yeah. And she said she was sitting there, and she was all proud and everything, and then she realized that I was like a baby elephant thumping around the mat. Yeah. Ain't no flips coming out of you. Yeah. So then, yeah, gymnastics was out. Then I tried jazz ballet, and I cried about the shoes.

Yeah, oh, the shoes are dumb. If it makes you feel better, I, as a boy gymnast, forgot how to... Sorry, what? I, as a boy genius, forgot how to skip in my bronze grading. And that was the end of my gymnastics career. Do you know how to skip now? I think so. Okay.

Can I see it, please? It would be... Explain Do you know how to skip now? I think so. Okay. Can I see it please? It would be, explain why you're so light on your feet. Hang on. Hang on. No, that's like a mark. Sorry, Dan, you can't see this but it's very embarrassing. Thank you for your call. Ruth, what did your parents want you to be

really good at? Ruth? Oh, hi, sorry, I didn't realise you were talking to me. We have so many Ruths on the show. There's nine Ruths lined up and you're the first one. Ruth number one. So yeah, at the

time when I was born, there was a 13-year-old named Ruth who got accepted to Cambridge University. My parents were both academic geniuses, and they thought, oh, what a great name. She'll follow in the academic genius footsteps. But, yeah, really sadly, was it Danica?

Her parents would have loved me because I was a gymnast. They got a 40-page... Oh, right. I think the gymnast's not the genius. Gymnast's not a genius, yeah. Your body's smart, but your mind, dumb. I mean, I get by gymnast's not the genius. Gymnast's not a genius, yeah. Your body's smart, but your mind dumb. I mean, I get by, but yeah, I'm not the sharpest tool in the kit. In the genius kit.

Amazing, Ruth. Thank you. Some messages. On what your parents really wanted you to be good at. My mum just wanted me to be a decent daughter. Couldn't happen. I'm batshit crazy. That's what they said.

My husband wants our son to be good at motocross. He spent tens of thousands on the sport, but the son just wants to play PlayStation. Motocross is nuts. How many people do you know that did motocross and they had broken arms? Dude, always broken. Always broken collarbones.

Always got something broken. Yeah. Yeah. Kids shouldn't be on those rides. And then they get a mullet and you're just like, yep. My mum wanted me to be good at kapa haka. I went to a very white religious girl school. We did one polyfest.

We got yelled at on stage. Side note, no Maori blood whatsoever. Oh. We did one polyfest and got yelled at. Your English mother just wants you to be good at kapa haka. I wish my parents pushed me into something. All I got was a trauma-induced sense of humour. My mum put me in singing lessons.

She wanted me to be, and I quote, the next Hayley Weston. Oh, my God, there's only one Hayley Weston. I hate it, and the teacher told my mum I had no hope, as I couldn't even hold a note. Oh, dear. When my mother was younger, she could do what figure skaters could do on ice, but on roller skates.

Oh, yeah. She wanted me to do it as well. Unfortunately, I let the grace need it and had more fun with roller derby instead. Oh, yeah. Instead. My dad wanted me to be a priest, but realised that dream was over

when he walked in on me and the Japanese exchange student we were hosting when I was 16. Arigato! Arigato! Arigato. Arigato. Arigato. Arigato. Yeah.

Oh, my God. The Japanese exchange student. You dog. You dirty dog. Okay. My daughter started golf at 10. This is good to hear from a guy whose daughter is 10 and I'm trying to get her into a little bit of golf.

Great way to keep her busy through the teenage years. She's 25 now and has an 11 handicap. Oh, okay. That's good. Yeah. My mum wanted me to be good at motocross as well. I was training it for a 2018 junior Nats, but I fell off, broke my back and got severe brain damage.

I tell her it's her fault all the time. Wow. See, it's dangerous stuff. Wow. Another person texted her, my mum wanted me to be a Christian. Nah. Heathen. All my mum ever wanted mum wanted me to be a Christian Nah Heathen

All my mum ever wanted was For me to try to be more ladylike Never mind Why do you keep wearing trousers darling? They're so masculine on you You've got those lovely hips You should wear a dress My dad got me a bow and arrow set

Wanted me to be good at archery. You only have to miss a couple of targets before there's a real problem. Play ZM's Fletchbourne and Hayley. And it's time for... Fact of the Day, Day, Day, Day, Day. Yeah. Do you know, I have often wondered this. When we got rid of our one... People listening don't even remember when we got rid of our one cent and two cent pieces.

1990? Oh, no. I don't remember. Because it was the same time they got rid of 1 and 2 cent pieces They changed the $2 notes into coins Don't know And then in 2006 we got rid of our 5 cent piece Yeah I remember that

Coin week here at Factor Sorry Sorry You go wiring on about something Why is he talking about that? The olden days You son of a bitch. How dare you.

That's what your kids said. Yeah, everything pre-2000 is the olden days for them. Yeah. But I was like, okay, so the lowest we've got now is a 10, but you still see things priced at 98. 98. 95. 95.

97, 99. Yeah, and they'll round it up or they'll round it down. So somebody has worked out, if we were to have the most efficient coin system, what would be the most efficient coins to have? Three? Correct. Oh, I nailed it.

A three cent coin. No, no, no, no, no. So this is based off a four coin under $1, a four coin, because this was in America, but the same applies. 25. If you were going to have a four coin system under $1, what would they be? 10? Nope.

50? 25. Nope. Can't believe I nailed it with three and I'm going so wrong. So Americans have 25. Yeah. Americans have five, 10, 25, and a one penny. Yeah.

So we've got rid of that. We're going to do a one? We're doing a 10, 25, and a one penny. Yeah. So we've got rid of that. We're going to do a one? We're doing a 10, 20, 50. So we've only got three under a dollar. Yeah. The most efficient four coin set of coin denominations to have would be a one cent coin, a three cent coin, an 11 cent coin, and a 37 cent coin.

Dumb. What? That's ridiculous. Because over the space of those 100 numbers, that would give you an average of 4.1 coins per transaction, where at the moment, the 1, 5, 10, 25 for Americans has an average of 4.7 coins per transaction. Right.

Or just, you swipe your card. We're all swiping our card now. Yeah, but it's not card week. Fact of the day. Can't wait for card week. Can't wait for pay wave week. Can't wait for pay wave week. Pay while you are looking forward to pay wave now. Yeah, but it's not card week. Fact of the day. Can't wait for card week. Can't wait for pay wave week. Can't wait for pay wave week. Pay while you're looking forward to pay wave week.

Yeah, Visa week. I'm going to get fun. So the guy who did this study, Patrick Dijonet, is an economist. And he looked into the best combination for a four-coin system under a dollar, because that's how they do it in America. Yeah. And said it would also reduce this weird amount of waste like we talked about in our system.

He said systems around the world that have the smallest as a 10, but they still have prices that are between 10s. Yeah. This money kind of goes nowhere. Yeah, it's nothing. So either the shop gets it for nothing. Yeah. And people feel like they're not getting an efficiency out of their coin.

It would reduce that dramatically as well. But again, I just pay wave. Yeah, you pay wave the hell out of it. Pay wave the hell of it. But I also just feel like this will be one of those

questions at a pub quiz one day. Yes. What is the most efficient four coin system under a dollar? And I'll say 1, 3, 11, 37.

Bingo. Oh my God. Oh my God. This is why we've won a quiz before. We have won a quiz before. We have won a quiz before. We have won a quiz before. So today's fact of the day,

the most efficient four-coin set of coin denominations is 1, 3, 11, 37. Remember it because it'll be a pub quiz question one day. Fact of the day, day, day, day, day. Yeah. I think I was just retelling this story in my head and now I can hear how petty this is but here we go Well 14 sleeps till Christmas

and you've finally put the tree up. Finally! Well, because we had this council inspection and I just didn't, you know, didn't want any clutter or anything and then you've got to sort of move a chair and a plant to put this tree. There's only one gap it can go. Anyway, so yesterday I decided was the date. You may remember, last year

I had to work hard to get that Christmas tree. Remember, I was allowed to buy it unless I sold $300 worth of goods to get it. We weren't spending any money on Christmas tree. Remember, I wasn't allowed to buy it unless I sold $300 worth of goods to get it. We weren't spending any money on this stuff. Yeah. Da-da-da-da-da. And then I wasn't allowed to buy any Christmas lights. Yeah.

Because Aaron, who's worked in the theatre for years, was like, we've got tons and tons and tons of them. They're all in the garage. I searched that garage. No lights. Why would you have Christmas lights if you worked in the theatre? When he was making theatre shows,

I used to use them all the time to like... Fairy lights? Yeah, like to devise theatre and stuff. Literally go to like Miner's Hen on Bunnings and get them for $10. Yeah, Fletch. Yeah. Okay, right. Heaven forbid. What a waste of money when they've already got some.

We never found them. So last year my Christmas tree, you may remember, was lightless. Yep. So I approached this subject gently this year. Time to put up the Christmas tree. We'll wait till the council inspection. I'm happy with that. Okay.

I'll do it. I'm happy to do it. I'm going to need to get some lights. No, you're not getting lights. We've already got lights. Aaron, I've looked for the lights. You go look for the lights. I don't have time to look for the lights.

I don't care then. Let's just go. They're like 20 bucks. I don't need fancy lights that are app controlled and change colours. Plug in, twinkle. That's all I want. Wait, you can get Christmas tree lights with an app now. Oh, yeah, you can get all sorts.

As you are a Christmas tree anywhere near a window? Yes, near the big doors. You can get solar powered ones. Oh, that's good. And you put it in a window where it gets sun and then when it gets dark, it turns on. I didn't need this. I just needed some cheap Maritain like $10, 200 metre lights, right? So 200 metres, that's too long.

200 metres is a lot of lights. But it goes round the tree and round and round. 20 metres. 20 metres. Okay. So I kind of in a way won this. And I said, well, I'm putting up the Christmas tree. I need some lights.

Unless you want to go through the hell that is our garage at the moment, I'm going to get some lights. Unless you want to go through the hell that is our garage at the moment, I'm going to get some lights. And he said no. And he texted me saying, hey, I'll go get some fairy lights. I've got a pop to my attend later today. Okay. So he couldn't find them? No, he couldn't find them because they don't exist.

They're gone. We've left them somewhere. I've looked. Anyway, so got home yesterday and he said, I got you some lights. And you know when you just say the wrong thing straight out the gate? He hands me the lights and I said, ooh, cool toned. Wow, sounding a little ungrateful there.

I'm hearing it back. Yeah. This is a real life reflection. What's wrong with cool toned Christmas lights? If you know that we're warm toned. Yeah, they're like snow. We're a warm toned house. Warm snow is water.

It's not snow, it's just twinkle. We're a warm toned house. Our whole house. Christmas lights are supposed to reflect though. Snow snow is water. It's not snow. It's just Twinkle. We're a warm toned house. Our whole house. Christmas lights are supposed to reflect, though. Snow on a tree that's catching Christmas lights. Warm toned. What you are wanting is pissy yellow snow Christmas tree lights. I want pissy yellow snow Christmas lights.

Because you know all the lights in our house are all like old and they're sort of amber toned. Right. And suddenly we have this stark white light. God forbid something that's up for two weeks is going to match the lighting aesthetic. I'm hearing this back, Vaughan. I'm hearing it as I'm saying it. Do you hate it when you're at my house and you look out at the apartment buildings

and some people have cool white, some people have like a yellow light? Always warm white. What is wrong with you? I have a lot of, in my bathrooms, cool lights. Yeah, that's why I never put on your main bathroom light. I'll always put on the warm one, the heat or the mirror. I'll never put on your white one and then stare at myself in your huge floor-to-ceiling mirror

and just look at that. No. Anyway, warm light always. So I said it straight out the gate. I was like, ew, yuck. No. Someone said, no, cool tone, the worst, valid, thank you. I said, ew, no, take them back.

And he said, I'm not taking them back. I said, have you got the receipt? I'll take them back. No, I've already drawn on the box. Can we get a cloth and wipe off? Why did he draw on the box? Because he was writing a measurement. Can we get a cloth and wipe off? Why did he draw on the box? Because he was writing a measurement. Can we get a cloth and wipe it off the box? No, I've dented the box.

Why I don't want cool tones? You have to go get some more. He said, we're not getting more lights. These are the lights. Okay. So I realised I was being, I was like, fine. These lights are better than no lights. Wait, carry on the sentence. I realised I was being correct and just. Not correct and just.

Not correct. Crazy. Crazy. Standing for what I believe in, which is warm-toned lights. Okay. Crazy. Courageous. Okay.

And so I was like, fine, fine, whatever. So I got out the tree, stacked the tree, fluffed the tree, got the lights, got to do the lights first, you know, round them round. So, okay okay two things if I may someone's saying Hayley's dead right cool tone's the worst

it's gotta be a warm it's gotta be a warm Christmas tree but someone said do you know rather than going around the Christmas tree the correct way is to go

up and down the Christmas tree oh wow what sort of madness is that you go round so at the top you finish right on the boop

yeah but here's the thing too short not enough lights bro I know so I get there I'm wrapping around I've got a big tree is that you go round so at the top you finish right on the boop. Yeah, but here's the thing. Too short. Not enough lights, bro. I know. So I get there. I'm wrapping around. I've got a big tree.

Yeah. I'm wrapping around the bottom. Getting around. I get to the middle, we're out of lights. How many loops did you go around? Maybe you just need to increase the gap, double space your loops.

Yeah, but then I've got spaced out cool tone lights. This Christmas tree is getting worse and worse and worse and worse. Okay. The gappy cool tone lights. No, I want dense warm tone lights. I can't get worse. Okay. The gappy cool tone lights. No, I want dense warm tone lights.

I can't get warm tones from having dense cool tone lights. I run out halfway. He comes in and he's like, what's happened? I said, I've run out. Not enough lights. He said, I swear that could have been enough. I said, we need to get more lights. I said, why don't you, when you get more lights,

make them cool toned and we'll make a mix. And he said, well, that's going to be jumbled. So now I've got to go buy two more packs of cool tone lights now. Anyway, I realised I had lost my mind a little bit because I did the tree and I'd upset him by saying like, ooh, cool tone. When he went to do something nice for me. All I had to say about it was, ooh, cool tone, not thank you.

Now I'm hearing that that was a little sideways. Anyway, so I was decorating the tree. I had Love Actually blasting. That's my new tradition. I do it when I was decorating the tree. I had Love Actually blasting. That's my new tradition. I do it when I watch. Carry on. Love Actually. Sorry, something just walked behind the window.

Love Actually while I do the Christmas tree. And then I could hear him clicking a pen two rooms along and it really annoyed me deeply. The clicking of the pen. Yeah. So it started with the cool lights. So it started with the cool lights and then the clicking of the pen and then I had to go two rooms across

and then say can you shut up with the clicking of the pen? So it's not a great day for you. It wasn't a great day for him, I reckon. Don't worry, I checked my app. Not menstruating. I was trying to think of a sensitive way to ask.

But you know, okay, I'll admit it, you know you're being crazy when you have to check the app. Chris menstruating. I was trying to think of a sensitive way to ask. But you know, okay, I'll admit it. You know you're being crazy when you have to check the app. Chris menstruation. Chris menstruation. Oh my God, if I look at the app, I will have my period on Christmas Day. Great, awesome. Merry Christmas.

Merry Christmas. Merry Christmas. I hope these lights get sorted out then. Yes. Play ZM's Fletch Vaughan and Hayley. Google have released their big searches. What New Zealanders have been searching this year? What did I search the most?

I don't know. I'm a bit all over the shop. Because the moment I don't know anything, it's my first thing to do. Totally. Whereas Aaron doesn't. How do you solve arguments when you're hanging out or disagreements? Yeah, exactly. People that come up to you and they're like,

I'm wondering about this thing and how do I... And you're just like, have you even thought to Google this? I always say that, Aaron. I don't know how to do that. Google it. Everything is there. It just will teach you everything you need to know. Someone would have crafted a how-to video.

Oh, what if this happens? You're like, Google it. When is, let's start at the bottom of the Google list, what Kiwis have been Googling the most. When is Black Friday won that one? Really? I think people just want the deals. When is Easter came in at two,

Matariki at three, the US election at four, Mother's Day at five for winners. Those are the top winners. Do you know I didn't buy anything in the Black Friday sales? Thank you. Just before and after.

Pause for a pause. Yeah, I bought some yesterday and today. But not when it was on sale. Good stuff. Okay, the top five recipes. The top five recipes. Oh, it'll be basic stuff. I'll start at number five, Pornstar Martini.

Oh, yeah, passion fruit and all that. Four, cucumber salad. Yeah, big TikTok. Because that's been huge online. Rendang at number three. Yum. Olympic Village chocolate muffins came in at number two. Great.

You've got to put that in your end of year song, Olympic Village chocolate muffins. Great, I will. Because you're going to do a wrapped on Friday next week. Yeah, next. Bitter melon is the most Googled recipe. Bitter melon. Bitter melon.

I hate melon. Melon has no place. Honeydew melon? I hate all melon. I'm not a melon guy either. Wateritter melon. Bitter melon. I hate melon. Melon has no place. Honeydew melon? I hate all melon. I'm not a melon guy either. Watermelon even. If it was a hot day and someone gave me a slice,

I'd be like, oh, okay. Yeah, I can go without watermelon as well. Like when the family's getting in cutting big pieces, do you want one? I'm like, eh.

Or they'll get a big fruit salad. It's all melon. Melon, yeah, yeah. My mum's a big honeydew and rock and I'm just like, eh, not for me. Oh, bitter melon. So bitter melon, by the way, has lots of health benefits. It's usually like a supplement.

Oh, right. Okay. The top five how-tos that Kiwis Googled this year. How to mew at five. Get a good jawline. How to watch All Blacks vs. England at four. Oh, yeah. How to make human...

Immediately that needed on the end. Yeah, yeah, probably. Without paying for it. Number three, how human... No, make human Allegedly that needed on the end Yeah yeah Probably Without paying for it Number three How human No make human An infinite craft Vaughn can you

Nerd translate What does that mean Make How to make human An infinite craft Was the third biggest Google Infinite craft

Infinite craft How to make human Infinite craft How to make man and woman An infinite craft I think infinite craft Is a game. Yeah, I figured it would be.

What is Infinite Craft? Second biggest how-to, how to lock Facebook profile and how to watch Olympics in New Zealand is the biggest how-to. How to make human inside Infinite Craft.

Infinite Craft is a crafting game where you can make anything. Right. So you've got to make a human. Okay. It's Earth plus life. Okay, the top five biggest local event searches in New Zealand.

Number five. Big day out. Countdown Easter hours. When's big day out coming back? When's big day out coming back? Countdown Easter hours. Okay. Jacinda Ardern wedding at number four.

The Christchurch Port Hills fire at three. Oh, yeah. Number two, Pandemark Christchurch opening. What? Which is like the big Asian. Is it the big Asian supermarket? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. And they opened one

in West Auckland as well. No, that's a foodie. Oh, is that a different one? We don't have a Panama yet. Trust me, I know my place is going to get a mango packet. Oh my God, Panama sounds fun. Number one,

the biggest local event searching Manawa Bay outlet opening, which is a new outlet by Auckland. It's still open and they won't go. No, you won't. The biggest TV shows

and movies that have been Googled by New Zealanders this year, Fool Me Once, which is at Harlan Watts' face. Yeah. That's good. Great. It ends with Us at four, Inside Out two at three. Baby Reindeer, the second biggest Googled show. Yeah, it was.

Was it? Yes, out of it. Number one, Salt Burn. Yeah, great. Next on the list, okay, people, the biggest five Googled people. Alright, hoping to hear my name, hoping to hear my name, fingers crossed, fingers crossed.

Do you know, no, no, no Kiwis in this list. Crazy. Feso Collins, who passed away, was number 10. Oh yeah, that was awful. The only Kiwi in the list, so number five, Kamala Harris. No, sorry, I apologise. Lisa Carrington at four.

Great legend. Queen. Donald Trump at three. Kate Middleton at two. And Liam Payne at one. Oh, yeah, that makes sense. Yeah, Euro football was the biggest sports, Google. The biggest memes.

Five. Why so serious? What's up, brother at four. What's up, brother? Trump at three. Demure at two, and Ray Gun. Oh, yeah, yeah. The biggest overall Google searches. The last one.

We'll do 10. Flat White. Do you reckon that's because people want a flat white or they want to know how to make it? Make a flat white? Get a flat white? Number nine, All Blacks England. Australian Open at eight.

Teemu at seven. People just Googling Teemu to get the website. Because it's an All Blacks England. Australian Open at eight. Teemu at seven. People just Googling Teemu to get the website. Because it's an app and a website. You never know. Cricket T20 World Cup was sixth most Googled.

Liam Payne at five. I mean, that only happened a few months ago. So maybe if it had happened to... Nah. Nah, you don't reckon?

You sort of tape us out. Olympics at four. Yeah. Fourth most Googled. Connections. New York Times game is the third biggest Googled. Wow, okay. That at four. Yeah. Fourth most Googled. Connections. New York Times game is the third biggest Google. Wow, okay, that's a fun one.

Euro football, the second biggest Google and the most Googled thing in New Zealand this year. Where can I laugh out loud at every morning? With Fletch for a day. And it takes you to the ZM website. I'm glad we're not on the top Googled. It's no good. The US election was the number one Googled thing this year. I'm glad we're not on the top 100. It's no good. The US election was the number one right Googled thing. I'm glad we're nowhere.

We're not going to even be in the top 100, and that's good. I'm glad it's not. There's not a lot of how do you get rid of a body. What? I would say if you do have a body to dispose of, don't Google it. Don't Google it. Take a shot. Read a book from the library.

Yeah, that's good. Go to the library. Go to the library. And do not go up to the librarian and say, where are your body disposal books? Well, congratulations to you, podcast listeners. You've reached the end. So I would assume if you've listened all this way through,

you're either asleep, in which case, wake up! Or you enjoyed it. So drop us a review and tell your friends. That's how podcasts work. Play ZM's Fletchbourne and Hayley.