ZM's Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley - Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley's Big Pod - 10th September 2024

Episode Date: September 9, 2024

Ken!  Silly Little Poll!  Top 6: Boy Racerz  A Show Announcement...  What scores you points?  Hayleys Uber  Fact of the Day Day Day Day Daaaaay!See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

The ZM Podcast Network. The Fletch Vaughan and Hayley Big Pod. Great things are brewing at McCafe. The perfect start to every day. Good morning. Welcome to the show, Fletch Vaughan and Hayley. She's back. Hi, guys.

She's back from Australia. I've sort of been taking a day off sort of each week recently. Maybe I'll just keep doing that. I was sick last week. Terrible work ethic. Terrible. Work. I was sick last week. Terrible work ethic. Terrible. Work. I was in Australia.

I was in Australia hanging out with, computer says no, David Williams. This is why. So we're actually going to chat to him later in the week on the show. He's touring around. He's got two shows. He's doing a kid's show because he writes kids' books and he sort of does some of the characters from the books. And then he's got a show for adults. What was he like?

Because, you know, they say don't meet your idols. I'm not saying he's one of your comedy idols, but we all grew up watching Little Britain. It's sort of strange to meet someone that famous. Yeah, like he is incredibly famous. Yeah, well, on the show in Australia, every time we talked about a celebrity, he would give us a little story of meeting that famous. Yeah, like he is incredibly famous. Yeah, well on the show in Australia, every time we talked about a celebrity

he would give us a little story of meeting that celebrity. Oh really? Like he's just met somebody and he's like, well I was having New Year's at Elton John's

and of course. As you do. Yes, yes. And Kevin Costner was there and Nicolas Cage and I said, and you're like, ridiculous.

Kind of ridiculous. It wouldn't fly in New Zealand. Everyone would be like, calm down mate. Yeah, oh 100% but in Australia they New Zealand. Everyone would be like, calm down, mate. Yeah, 100%. But in Australia, they were laughing it off. Yeah, Australia loves that shit. Love it.

Coming up on the show, the top six. Yeah, the top six new police powers to control this out of control boy racer issue. Well, now that Crusher Collins is back, why don't she crush some cars? I hope she crushes some more cars. Yeah, she's still there. She's not in charge of the police though this time. No, she's not. Yeah.

I sort of thought she was Goldsmith. I don't know. He's Minister of Justice. Is that the same thing? Nah, it's different. Minister. Mark someone, I think. Oh, yeah, yeah, that's right.

Mark Mitchell. Mark Mitchell. Yeah, there you go. He used to be a cop, didn't he? Yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah, that's right. Mark Mitchell. Mark Mitchell. Yeah, there you go. He used to be a cop, didn't he? Yeah. Oh, yeah. He did. So, what, they're going to get some new powers.

Yeah. To deal with these pesky boy racers. Okay, but you've got the top six powers you'd like to see, because maybe it's not enough. I'll give them. I'll give them some powers. Wow. Rich, so, because your now wife used to be a girl racer, didn't she? She was.

She did. Yeah, she had a Mitsubishi. She had a Mitsubishi Lancer GSRer, didn't she? She did. She had a Mitsubishi Lancer GSR Turbo, and that thing was a rocket. Wowza. Man, how people change, eh? How we change. We all just grow up, don't we?

Oh, she's still got a heavy foot. Yeah. Yeah, you're definitely the slow. Yeah, she's definitely got the heavy foot. Yeah. Yeah. But you'd never guess it, the way she grasps everything when I'm driving. Ah!

Ah! You're a tailgater. Yeah. How would she be? Why is she so afraid? Why is she so afraid of something that's 300 metres away? Yeah, and if you hit something at the speed you drive, it'll just sort of tap it. Yeah. It's a little tough, little boop.

Next on the show. Oh, thank God I'm back to share some devastating news. We've mentioned Ken the Swan in Christchurch. Well, I have a sad update about Ken. He's not dead. Or is he? Or is he? Play.

ZM's Fletch Vaughan and Hayley. You may remember last month we spoke about Ken the Lonely Swan, whose companion of 10 years passed away, leaving him without a mate. And you were deeply moved by this. I was deeply moved. And as you can hear, I'm still moved. This is in Christchurch at a lake somewhere?

In Christchurch at a lake in Ernal Clark Reserve. He lost his partner of 10 years, Samantha. She died at around age 36. Is that how long they live for? I would have thought 10. Long life for a species which typically lives around 30 years

while in care. I'm using a better word than captivity, but when they're being watched by humans. Ken lost the mate and you may remember someone put him on Tinder to try to go, hey, is anyone out there with a swan? Maybe Ken could be that swan. Well, an update on Ken.

His, I suppose his owner, the person that looks after the reserve, Rob, he- The queen owns all the swans. He what? The queen's dead. The queen owns all the swans. Does the king The queen's dead. The queen owns all the swans. Does the king own the swans? That's the rule in England. Yeah, but not here.

Swans can be anyone's. Can you guarantee that? Surely I could buy a swan and the swan would be mine and not King Charles. I don't think so. I think they were bought in on the proviso that they remain property of the crown. Well, he needs to come and look after Ken. I have mingers. I don't like swans. Not a fan? King Charles has shown no

interest in the fact that Ken has been lonely. And now Ken's lost. He's missing? He is missing. Someone's eating Ken. No. So they think that he's... You could be hanging out. Can you cook for me? You can pee-king a swan. I was going to say, it could be hanging upside down.

You can Peking anything. Can you? No. I don't know if you can. I don't know if you can. What about Peking ham? They don't hang the Peking ducks upside down. They put it through their neck and they hang like that.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Peking shaved ham. Yum. Peking champagne shaved ham. Yeah, of course you could. Peking a champagne ham. Oh, my God. What else could you Peking? Any meat. Oh my God. What else could you peking?

Any meat. Yum. Now I just want some spices, right? Get some hoisin. I just want some bloody duck pancakes. Yeah. Duck pancakes rule. Now I'm thinking about duck pancakes.

Are there any leads? Do we know where the swan's gone? Well, they think that he hasn't been able to find a new mate within his home, within his turf. Yeah. So he's been looking far and wide. And they're calling on the public. So he was last seen about 12 kilometres down the Heathcote River near Ferrymead.

Okay. Last week. He's taken himself out to sea. Yeah. Yeah. So he's 12 kilometres away from his home, Swan Lake in Kashmir. Hell of a distance, they say. Yeah.

Not typical for them to wander this far. Well, he's probably run out of swipes on Tinder. Yeah, you've got to open your... Yeah, opening your radius. Your radius. Yeah. Your age range and your radius when you start to get a bit desperate.

Yeah. Now, he thinks that maybe he's just enjoying a bit of freedom for a while. He's going out, you know, single, finally single. He probably wouldn't let him go out. Oh, got rid of the old ball and chain. Yeah. And now he's like,

I'm going on a boy's trip, eat some whitebait, and I'll come back and then I'll look for a new mate. So they want to, if the public sees Lonely Ken the Swan, who looks like, I'd describe him as a swan.

Yeah. Very swanish. But authorities worry that people could be reporting the wrong swan. How do we identify Ken? Ken. Is he just white? Well, they just said, look, we can't have a lonely swan on the run.

Swan Lake's Facebook page needs a swift kick up the jacksie. Is it crap? They haven't updated since they told us in March in 2020 that they were closed for treatments due to COVID-19. Swan Lake. Swan Lake Gardens in Christchurch. Oh were closed for treatments due to COVID-19. Swan Lake. Swan Lake Gardens in Christchurch, which is you where you live. So then you mentioned Catherine.

Here's a picture of Catherine in 2020 with Samantha. That's a couple of raging lesbian swans you could probably see. No, Samantha was Ken's. Do you think she was having an affair on the side? I think Ken was having an affair. She was having an affair with Catherine. Stretching her bisexual legs.

Good looking swan though. No, they're mangers. They're not mangers. It's not like a goose. Geese are worse. Gooses are bad too. I've got no time for these birds. If you see the wandering Ken Swan.

Ken the Lonely Swan. In Christchurch. What do you call the police? Is it a 111 call? They're just saying report to local city council. Oh, right. Okay, call the council. Call the men. Sing them a swan song.

Yeah. Yeah. This is good from producer Jared here. Swan is the loneliest number that you'll ever do. Anyway, thought I'd honour that, Jared. Silly Little Pole is next on the show. Water. that you'll ever do. Anyway, thought I'd honour that, or Jared. Silly Little Pole is next on the show. Water.

Yes, sparkling or still. Still or sparkling. These results annoyed me. I know, because you're a fancy boy. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley. Silly little pole, silly little pole. It is so silly, silly, silly that the silly little pole, silly little pole, silly little pole, silly little pole, silly little pole. Which kind of water is the best kind of water? Is it a silly little pole?

Is it still or is it sparkling? It's sparkling every time. It's still. It's still. Sparkling's a treat. Not an every time. It's a treaty. It's a treaty. It's sparkling every time. It's still. It's still. Sparkling's a treat, not an every time. It's a treaty. It's a treaty.

It's a little treaty. Yeah. It's like if you go to a fancy restaurant, you might be like, oh yeah, but then it costs, so I'm always just like,

nah, tap, fine. Yeah. And when they say still or sparkling, I'll always answer tap because still, sometimes I'll still crank it. I'll still crank it.

Yeah. If you have a bottle and you're like, oh, for 12 bucks. Yeah, absolutely not. Tap. Tap is fine, thank you'll still crank it. They'll still crank it. Yeah. You get the iron bottle and you're like, oh, for 12 bucks? Yeah, absolutely not. It's true. Tap. Tap is fine, thank you.

Tap is fine. It's just here in New Zealand. It's all good. Except for your tap water. Well, our tap water's delicious, except for Fletcher's. Fletcher's tap. I've got great tap water. No, even you know that it's thick.

Yeah. Isn't it causing plumbing issues at the moment? No, that's a hot water issue. No, it's not. It's clogging up the taps. It's because your water isn't meant to be heated. Your water's not meant to be heated because there's so many chemicals and elements in hot water issue. No, it's not. It's clogging up the taps. It's because your water isn't meant to be heated. Your water's not meant to be heated because there's so many chemicals and elements in it.

Yeah. No. It's like boiling molasses and then expecting your hot water to remain hot. I've got lovely water, thank you. It's inner city water. There's nothing wrong with it. It's weird how one litre of water is always one kg,

except at Fletcher's it's one and a half kg. Yeah. Do you know what hell on water is always 1 kg, except at Fletcher's it's 1.5 kg. Yeah. Do you know what hell on earth is? Having a hangover at Fletcher's. Yeah. And waking up in the morning like far out. Drinking his Sahara. His Sahara mug.

It's great water. It takes hydration from you. It is weird how it dehydrates you, even though it's water. What kind of water is the best kind of water? Still smoking in today at 81%? Yeah. Sparkling, 19%. Is there a difference between sparkling water and soda water?

That's exactly the same. It is, eh? Well, what's the naturally occurring sparkling water? What do you mean naturally occurring? Like when you ferment something. No, no, no. No, there's not naturally occurring sparkling water. It's all aerated. Sparkling water.

Naturally occurring sparkling water. Prepare to eat your own words. I will apologise. Sparkling or carbonated water forms naturally when volcanic gases dissolve in springs and or wells. But that's not what we're drinking. We're not drinking that. Natural water.

You're not going to eating fart water. This naturally occurring sparkling water often contains minerals such as sodium and calcium. Fine. And to artificially carbonate water, pressurised CO2 is injected into the water. But if you buy an Evian or an Antipodes or even a sparkling whatever mineral water, it's been carbonated. No, there is naturally occurring sparkling water. Everything you buy is carbonated. Oh, yeah, that's what I'm saying.

But they do put that stuff in bottles. Do they? Yuck. Oh, no, I want mine. Artisan wells in such places as the Bulgarian Hrodob Mountains, Midzhezhovta in North Macedonia. We're not drinking the Bulgarian. And most notably in the Seltzes.

Seltzer water? Seltzer water. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Named after the German Tornus Mountains produced naturally effervescent mineral waters. Oh, you could take your own bottle of like Limoncello. Oh, yum. Or Aperol. Yum.

What? It's just that we're not drinking. Well, obviously I now await an apology. We're not drinking the naturally carbonated Bulgarian water. But I'm saying it happens. I didn't say you did, but I'm saying it happens. I'm sorry, Warren. No, I didn't hear it because I was still talking.

Well, you missed your apology. I've done two now. Three, two, one. Sorry, Warren. Perfect. We all heard it. Sorry, Warren. We all heard it.

Can I get that clipped just so I can play it to myself? Okay. Sorry, big look. You big dum-dums. Hannah says, sparkling water feels like it should be sweet, but it's not. She's got a program mind to do fizzy drinks. You need to get off the fizzy waters. Yeah.

Spicy water was what my kids used to call it. Yeah, I love. When they'd accidentally drink sparkling water. I love calling it spicy water. Spicy water. Ain't no way I want to drink TV static as water. Says Brandon, who is obviously

our team still. Yeah, okay. Alright, Adam, bubbles make you feel like you're drinking fizzy, but it's just water and healthy and that's a rip off.

People want the sweet. Any water as long as it ain't that thick ass fletch tap stuff that you need to chew. I'm going to have to start taking legal action.

There's nothing wrong with my water. It's disgusting. Preeti says, water isn't meant to sparkle. That's what soda is for. How about everybody's just been like, not sweet. Everybody's just like, give me that sweet, sweet syrup. You've got to get off the sweet sodas.

It's not good for you. Even soda water is bad for your teeth, isn't it? Yeah. Isn't it? No, yeah, it is. Yeah. Oh, God. What do you want me drinking soda instead? Excentus? For the stuff from the seltzer mountains. Oh, God, what do you want me drinking soda instead?

Excentus? For the stuff from the seltzer mountains. Oh, is that going to occur? Yeah, right. This mythical water. Sparkling is nasty. Tastes like that stuff you have to drink when you have a urinary tract infection. Sparkling is for rich people to try and pretend that they're better than the rest of us

because they can't handle it. Fair call. I mean, just get a soda stream. It's cheap. Or just get dollar bottles of soda water from the supermarket. It's not expensive. Sparkling is an absolute mouth tease.

The promise of something that is actually bubbly air leaves the taste buds dissatisfied, says Frank. Wow, people really are hooked on the sweet sodas, eh? Emily says, sparkling with some flavoured water drops. Stopped me drinking

fizzy. Yeah. Or just squeeze a bit of lemon in. It's nice. She's giving me flavoured lemon drops, you're giving me lemon? Yeah, I do that sometimes if I'm not, you know, not drinking and I feel like a nice little something, something. But a lemon in soda water, it's just as good.

It's just as good. Or you've got McDonald's at home. That's what you good. It's just as good. Or you've got McDonald's at home. That's what you sound like. You sound like your mum saying you've got McDonald's at home. It's just as good. Okay, you're talking madness. Sitting out in the sun. Oh, Bryn Rudkin, our very own newsreader, has replied, I like my sparkling water at room temperature.

Get a grip. Disgusting embarrassment. You need to get a grip. Can we get him in here, actually? He needs an absolute reaming. That is unbelievable, isn't it? Should we go take this upstairs and get him off the payroll? I can't.

Or at least a warning so that it refrigerates his sparkling water. That is quite wild. I think we should write a book. Can you get a written warning on the go? I'll get, should I get that AI to write me up a written warning for someone for saying they prefer. For Bryn, yeah, for our newsreader Bryn, lovely. Yeah, we'll read that out to him. 626.

Play it. ZM's Fletch Vaughan and Hayley. Strava mules are in the news again. We've mentioned this a while ago. Yeah, people paying other people to have their stats for their runs and whatnot. See, Strava, if you don't know, because, oh, God, I don't, I mean, I cycle and I swim and gym, but I don't run at all. I used to use, like, Matt. Oh, your tooth is the way for a triathlon.

I know. I mean, I used to use MapMyRun, but everyone's using Strava now. So if you don't know, you can basically give virtual kudos to your other Strava friends. You can share your details of your runs, cycle swims, whatever.

I could use it. Swimming, cycling. Yeah, just another app. I would love sending some words of encouragement after a workout. Yeah, because you finish yours and because ours is linked, it's like Hayley just finished a workout. And then you scroll down and there's all these different pre-done options and you're like, you get it, girl. Yeah, go out and seize the day, girl.

And I'm always like, cheers, Vaughn. I always turn those off. I've turned them off now. I like that everyone still knows. So, yeah, people are earning money as Strava mules running 40 pence, 40p British, a mile or a kilometre. So what's that, like 80 New Zealand, 70, 80 New Zealand cents? That sucks.

Like a K. I can only run like 5K. And you can only do it one person at a time. You can't log into multiple Strava accounts. I think you can either, can you watch? Can you have it on your watch? Maybe not. You can only do it one person at a time. You can't log into multiple Strava accounts. I think you can either, can you watch? Can you have it on your watch? Maybe not.

So you'd have to be wearing 10 watches. Or take 10 phones. You're making $8 a kilometre. You can have a little bag with you. Start them all and then put them in the bag. It's not enough. But how much would you, if you're running like a half marathon for somebody, what's that? So 21K times 0.8 is?

$16.80. That's not enough. Yeah, but if you're running already and then you're also doing it for like two or three other people. With the watches on. Yeah. So $16.80, so you're doing it for three people. You're earning $50 for a half? That's not a very good hourly rate, is it?

It's rubbish. But the other reason that people are doing it is because insurance, and this is why it's in the news again, insurance companies sometimes have like discounts for people that have like X amount of steps. I know someone that has to get 10,000 steps a day to get this like insurance premium, like 20 days of the month or whatever, they have to do 10,000 steps and that qualifies them for this premium.

Because you're healthier. Because you're making an effort, yeah. Some gyms as well, like, link in with your insurance place. Well, mine doesn't. If you tag in, it knows that you're, at least that you've tagged in and that you've made an effort to go to the gym. I mean, great motivation to get yourself to the gym. But then people are getting discounts on their, like, health insurance because they're letting

other people do their running for them. If she was the same person, if she was a bit short, she'd give it to her mum, and her mum would wear the watch and do some knitting. And the knitting was like step, step, step, step, step. Because it thinks you're walking. Mine does it when I play piano. Well, that hand action wasn't playing piano.

I play quite aggressively on the piano. With a very loose wrist and just two fingers? And just one hand? Chopsticks. Yeah, oh, you just play chopsticks. I do chopsticks. But whenever I play the piano, it clocks it up. And I've really been practising a lot in the last year.

Right. Yeah. Yeah, look at that forearm. Yeah, I know. That's the woman who practises her piano. Yeah, yeah, yeah. She loves to play the scales. Play ZM's Fletch Vordernaley.

Play ZM. Blah, blah, blah. Blah, blah, blah, blah. This is the Top Six. Hello, good morning, and welcome to the pits of hell that we call New Zealand. I don't know if you guys have caught the news, but everything's bad here. Is it? Yeah, everything's bad here. Is it?

What's happening now? Boy racers. They're back. Are they back? They're back, baby. They've always been. They're doing burnouts. Yeah. They're doing drifting, and they're nissing still VRs. I only once, I only ever once was in the

back of a boy racer car. Once in my whole teen years, which I think is good innings for someone like me. Do you remember what kind it was? No, but we went and did burnouts in a car park or something. Right. And I remember being like, I don't think I'll do this again. Not for you. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Not for me, not for me. See, if you'd grown up in Hamilton or New Plymouth like I did. Yeah, I think we were doing burnouts in Karori in Wellington. Not for me. See, if you'd grown up in Hamilton or New Plymouth like I did. Yeah, I think we were doing burnouts in Karori in Wellington. I was in a 1300cc Toyota Starlet doing reverse burnouts because it was front wheel drive. In a paddock, in a thing. It wasn't boy racing. It was dickhead skits.

Yeah. Yeah. It was not quite my scene. Was it a... Or was it like a Yeah But Lately

Lately there have been Some like serious Like issues Like police were attacked And you know There was some ramming of cars Yeah It's getting a bit out of control

Yeah Well I got the top six New police powers To combat boy racers That I'd give them They have been given some more They're getting They're getting

They're getting given some more. Okay, right. Yeah. And I think if they haven't signed, sealed, delivered I'm Yours, this new proposal, I reckon chuck these six on there. Okay. These are the top six new police powers to Combat Boy Races number six on the list. Monster Trucks.

Man, how cool. Hey, Monster Trucks. Just drive straight over them. Run over them. You've been warned. Who said that they were going to do that? Literally, the monster truck pulls up. Huh? Who was there? Crush your cars. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

She was crushing boy racer cars last time. That's right. What was it? Three infringements and then she'd crush your car? And they did it to one car? Yes. And made a big spectacle out of it? Yeah.

And then never did any others? Aw. Yeah. I reckon she's got to crush some more cars if she's serious. Well, she's got to live up to the name. Or strip them for parts. The government might as well make some money off it. Oh, God, yeah.

Yeah, strip them for parts and sell them to other oil racers and just exponentially increase the problem. But monster trucks, how rad would that be? A monster truck pulls up. Obviously, floodlights go on. Police lights. Over the loudspeaker. Yeah.

Yeah, floodlights and police monster truck. Yep. In fact, we need to get an AI version of a police... Generated. Jared, could you please get an AI-generated version of a New Zealand police monster truck? Yep. Thank you.

Just throw in... Big tyres and it will just basically crush them. And the lights go on and then spotlights go on and then over the loudspeaker it's like... You have three seconds to depart in a civil manner. And if they don't, just... We're fighting fire with fire. Yeah.

Oh, actually, maybe some flamethrowers on that monster truck. Monster trucks always have flames that shoot out the side. And they're red. Flames out the side. That's good stuff. Playing some rock and roll. Number five on the list Of the top six New police powers

To combat boy racers Giant magnets Yes Okay So they They try to get away And the magnets Just go under the car

Yep Stick to the car And then just Bolt it to the ground Yeah right How cool would that be That's cool Jesus

They're not going anywhere But the tyres Will just be spinning Okay Burn them out I probably quite like that Yeah But doing Doing a burnout They're not going anywhere But the tyres will just be spinning Okay I'd probably quite like that Yeah But doing a burnout But they won't be going anywhere

Nah Bolted to the ground And you've got them Yeah, got them Okay, we've got an AI generated New Zealand police monster truck Is that everything we hoped for? I think it could be bigger

Bigger Oh, bigger Yeah, that's just a normal truck Bigger Bigger Bigger Tell AI to make that thing bigger That's so good Bigger. Oh, bigger. Yeah, that's just a normal truck. Bigger. Bigger. Bigger. Bigger. Bigger. Tell AI to make that thing bigger.

That's so good. AI can do everything apart from, like, lettering. Like, you see on the end of this, it says news police, because it's straight up NZ police, and it's got all confused. It's news police. This is the news police. Pull over. News police. Bigger.

Okay, we're going to come back to that after the next number, but we need that bigger. I feel like also these need to go on our Instagram story for those listening at home that can't see. 100%. Put up the first version too. And you're only in on it. Bigger, bigger.

Okay, we're going to go. We've got a second option. More height. More height. Yeah. Yeah, we need to go bigger. Bigger. Bigger.

Say about twice as big and see how it goes. I'd say four times as big. Four times as big. Like one of those mining trucks. You know those mining dump trucks? You're talking a dump truck. Yeah. So you're saying you want a New Zealand police force dump truck.

Yes. A huge. To crush the cars. Rock carrying. Car crusher. Yeah. Number four on the list of the top six new police powers to combat boy racers. EMP cannons.

Tom Cruise has always got these in his movies. Electromagnetic pulse. Yeah, and it just kills their electronics. Good stuff. Okay, okay. Here we go. We got another one? Show us the next one.

Yes! That looks more like a... A bit retro. Yeah. That looks more like an old ambulance or a hearse or something. But it's got New Zealand police kind of sorted. Yeah. Also, it's more American New York police car looking as well.

But I don't hate it. I don't hate it. I think we're on the right. Maybe ask for flames coming out of it. Yeah, flames. With flamethrower. Yes. Okay.

So the EMP cannons will just stop them in their tracks. Love that idea. Yeah. And then we can just use the big magnets to pick up their cars, put them on the back of the monster trucks and take them to the crusher. Love this. Number three on the list of the six new police powers to combat boy racers. We employ Sergeant The Rock and Lieutenant Vin Diesel.

Although there'll be some contract negotiations. He'll probably have to be captain. I don't know. You know how they both have no lose deals in their contracts? So we get The Rock and Vin Diesel. And what are they going to do? Just come in and say one-liners? They're going to drive the monster truck.

Oh, okay. Stop them. We're fighting fire with fire. Love that. Number two on the list are the top six new police powers to combat boy racers. We employ the opposite of the boy racer, the granny dawdler. Oh, yeah.

Your teeters. Yeah, we get granny out there in the teeter, the nice peach teeter. Yep. And she's just running a roadblock. Yeah, right. Granny's across all the lanes. Yeah, love that. And then what we do is, you know the old saying, circle the wagons?

Yep. We circle the teeters or the de H Yeah, love that. And then what we do is, you know the old saying, circle the wagons? Yep. We circle the teeters or the de Hatsum bearers. Guys, I've got an update on the monster truck and somehow a bikini clad woman is standing next to it. Now, did Jared add that

or do you think it's just when you add flames? Yeah, look, when you add flames and the AISU's, we can't have bikini. We can't have bikini. It's not sexualised there.

Yeah, the truck's great. Producer Jared, you've really sexualised the police there. Did you ask for the sexy police officer there in have bikini. This is a government department. It's not sexualised there. Yeah, the truck's great. Producer Jared, you've really sexualised the police there. Did you ask for the sexy police officer there in her bikini? I asked for Sydney Sweeney, but it wouldn't let me do that. It won't let you do celebrities. Let's remove her, but the truck's spot on. I think the flames have really added. Could you ask for New Zealand police decals, though?

I'll do my best. Yeah, otherwise I love it. And cannons. A pirate cannon. and cannons a pirate cannon we want a pirate cannon we want a roof mounted pirate cannon on top of

the monster truck and we were always on our socials and we said these are the actual we've done an official

information request act yes to see what New Zealand has planned for police monster trucks AI is so scary the woman in the bikini

is really just throwing me here. What's she doing? And number one on the list of the... Wait, do you find her hot or not? Oh, she's very attractive. So is that the problem? She's not real and you're finding her hot?

Yeah. Okay. Carry on, Vaughn. Well, welcome to, you know, hentai. It's okay. It's such a confusing state of mind. Number one on the list of they're not real, but why are they hot? Why are they hot? It could never actually happen. They're not real, but why are they hot? Why are they hot?

It could never actually happen. They're a 2D. Yeah. Okay. Piece of paint. Yeah. It's gone. And number one on the list of the top six new police powers to combat boy racers.

I say we confiscate every car that's capable of going over 100 kilometres an hour and give everybody government-issued Suzuki Jimny's. Yeah, you'd be all right. Yeah. You'd be fine. You'd be fine. Yeah. I had 100 kilometres an hour coming to work today

and it was screaming. We've got it. There it is. Yes, good stuff. That's it. Checking our socials if you want to see that. I like how the flamethrower's not even, it's just shooting around in the sky

letting everyone know there's trouble. I love that. The siren is a flamethrower. That's today's top six. I love a Kmart. I love a Kmart dupe as much as the next person. They've duped Solda Gennaro spray. They've duped Dyson air wraps.

They've duped it all. Kitchen utensils. Kitchen utensils. Man-o-mat. It's great that people can buy an affordable option of things. I mean, I had Kmart plates that lasted six years. Well, Vaughan's are still going. They're chipped, but still going.

Barely. They weren't Kmart plates. They were Briscoe's plates. Oh, right. I reckon we've had them about 14, 15 years. That shows. Yeah. That's a surprise to no one.

Well, they still hold liquid. So there's no need to replace them. No need to replace them. And bacteria in the chips. They also hold a bit of a sore point within the Smith family. Well, growing up, my mum used to collect these plates because she's got quite a collectic taste as well. They're by Bordello Pinheiro and they are these cabbage plates.

And if you know them, you know them. See, I didn't know what you were talking about, but then you showed me photos and I was like, oh, yeah, they're kind of... Yeah, you know those. They look like a cabbage leaf, but the leaf is a bowl. They're bowls or plates or trays and they're all in cabbage leaves and they were very famous.

And do they have the... They've got like the ridges, like a cabbage leaf. Yeah, they're all textured and they were like collected things and like people use them. My mum uses hers, but she also has some on her wall and I've always loved them. Like collectibles. Yeah. And like, for example, to get like a cabbage bowl of a decent size, like a salad bowl. Yeah. If you went to Smith & Co's

in New Zealand, you might pay like $150 for it. What? For a bowl that looks like ceramics. Looks like a cabbage leaf. Yeah. I love them.

They'll look good in my house, right? Yeah. Well, I went to Kmart last week and oh my God, I saw them. They've got a dupe. They have a cabbage bowl dupe that is, they've got, I think it's like $18.

People are loving them too. And people are lapping them up. And I was like, I wanted the expensive ones. Now you can just get them for super cheap. And I was like, well, do I bother or do I just get the cheap Kmart ones? Get the cheap Kmart ones. The warehouse has got them too. Really?

But they don't have the... The ridges. Yeah, it's not as detailed around the outside. Okay. Well, if you... So they're back in fashion. Yeah. I love that.

Do you know, I'm yet to buy one because I was saving up to buy, like, some of the proper ones. Like, what, some secondhand ones? Or, like, brand new? Yeah, like, if I found someone, trade me and whatnot. And I was always up to buy some of the proper ones. Like what, some secondhand ones? Yeah, like if I found some on Trade Me and whatnot. And I was always going to inherit them from my mum because she collected them and now I might as well just get a Kmart one.

Or just, yeah, yeah. Get a Kmart one. Well, you can't. They're sold out everywhere in Kmart. That's how popular they are. Really? Okay. So I don't know if I'm more upset that I was going to have these Lux plates

and now you can get them from Kmart, or if I'm upset that I can't get them from Kmart because it's all sold out. Either way, get yourself a little cabbage bowl. Newsreader Bryn Rudkins here. I'm still not giving him the grace of looking at him. Just look. Earlier in the day, silly little pole. He is startlingly attractive.

Silly little pole. Which water was best? What did I say? People were talking over you. Yeah, I'm sorry. That's not my fault. I'm a professional broadcaster. Earlier in the day.

He says you slurred your way through the word professional. Silly little pole, earlier in the morning. Which water is best, still or sparkling? A raging debate where still was overwhelmingly the winner. Yeah. Now we take comments on Silly Little Pole and we got one from Bryn Rudkin, who's got a blue tick on Instagram.

I feel like we've touched on that before, but he's got a blue tick. Magic and a blue tick. I think it was you guys. You paid for it. You paid for one of those. The stardom of being on this show. Yeah, right.

It's your blue tick. I don't have one. Open doors for me. Yeah, you're welcome. Actually, turn down the blue tux. Have you? Like how Helen Clark turned down her knighthood.

Yeah. Wow. Bit of a hero. Man of the people. Yeah. You said you prefer sparkling water and at room temperature. We're a monster.

We were absolutely disgusted. I love sparkling water. It's got to be cold. It's got to be icy cold. I feel like we need to define which room. Well, if you're in the walk-in freezer. Yeah, the minus five bar in Queenstown. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Well, I was thinking the hot water cylinder cupboard. Yeah, she said hot, hot. You like a hot water. Well, I got warm sparkling water. Yeah, I've been rocking it this morning, actually. I've like a hot water. Like a warm sparkling water. Yeah, I've been rocking it this morning actually. I've got some sinus problems today. Right. Okay.

Pop a bit of Vicks in it. No, no, that goes on the chest. I don't think you drink Vicks. Are you not allowed to? I don't think that goes internal. 40 off 44 you can. I'm a huge vapor rub guy. You know I love my vapor rub.

Yeah, you love. Yeah, you do. I've probably got some in my moustache right now Because I'm slathering myself In it before bed Really I got mocked actually By your fiance at the weekend

Why what did he say He said it's just for like On the chest And I was like No get it on the back Get it on the feet Get it on the face Oh not on the face

It's not on the face No I swallow it I drink it yeah No no no Point out that you Shouldn't be doing that You can put it in hot water And put a towel over your head and huff it.

Steam. That'll clean out the sinuses. But if I have a bottle of sparkling water from the soda stream and it goes warm, I just tip it out. Yuck. Yeah, yuck, yuck, yuck. Yuck. You've got to put it back in the fridge.

Nah. Put it back in the fridge. Oh, no, why save his water? Bryn, you've got to come over to Fletcher's house one day and try his water. Have you ever drunk mayonnaise? It's not mayonnaise. It's not. It's alarmingly similar.

It's Italian dressing. It's the same. It's the consistency of Italian dressing and sometimes you'll even find bits of chive in it. It's Paul Newman's Italian dressing. It's the same water as everyone else has. It's not. I think you might have the runoff from Paul Newman's factory.

Are you getting all the dressings? Bryn, if you go to a restaurant and you order, and they say still a sparkling, will you go sparkling, but please heat it up a bit? Yeah, boil the jug. Microwave. Right, a splash of warm water. Why?

When did you start having room temperature? Well, it was when I started having room temperature Sprite, which is basically flavoured sparkling water. It is essentially what it is. Yeah. Exactly what it is. It's exactly, yeah, right. Okay.

Well, we said that Bryn should get a formal letter, like a formal... Yeah, and we've sent that to you. Would you like to read your formal warning? Well, just so we've got an answer, because I've got a response. Oh, okay, I'll read yours. Dan, Bryn, Rudkin,

this is a subject formal written warning. This is AI did this for you. We hope this message finds you well. I'm running to address a recent matter concerning your conduct that has come to our attention. It's been noted that you have expressed a preference for drinking sparkling water at room temperature. While we acknowledge that personal preferences vary,

it's essential to adhere to our company's standards and guidelines to maintain a consistent and professional workplace environment. Yeah, including chilled sparkling. Here at FEHZM, we strive to maintain a cohesive and unified team. The expression of preferences such as consuming sparkling water at room temperature

while seeming minor has been perceived as inconsistent with the norms we may aim to uphold within our organisation. Very formal. This is good. We could probably just get rid of HR.

If AI is doing all of this. We'll do that, yeah. And then they can't fire us. No. Because we're gone. It's a computer. This behaviour does not align with the professional standards

we expect from our team members. This letter serves as a formal warning and reminder to align with our established norms and expectations. Fall in line, basically saying there. Continued behaviour that deviates from these expectations may result in further disciplinary action.

If you have any questions or wish to discuss the matter further, contact Carl Fletcher at FletcherZM.com. Me? Why didn't you say me? I couldn't be bothered dealing with that. Vaughan's done the heavy lifting to start. You pick up now and I'll finish. I kick the ball, you chase it. What's your response to that, Bryn?

Well, to be honest, I didn't read it. I just copied it into AI for a response and I got this. Oh, nice. Dear Vaughan Smith and the FVHZM team, I hope this reply finds you in the refreshing embrace of appropriately chilled beverages. That's good, yeah.

I must admit receiving this formal written warning has truly sparked a bubble of self-reflection within me. Oh, for God's sake, it's doing puns. While I've long stood by the delicate nuances of room temperature water, I can now see how my rogue habits might have fizzled out of line with the esteemed norms of our team.

I trust this sets the record straight and I look forward to resuming my duties without further allegations. Warmest regards. Warmest regards. Room temperature regards, even. That was regards. Room temperature regards, even. That was good. Room temperature regards is a great way to end it in the ML, I reckon.

Yeah, that was good. Okay, well, apology. Accepted. Accepted. Accepted, yeah. So I can do the news at eight? Yes. We'll see you at eight for the news.

Permission granted. Yeah. Feel free to use any of the fridges here as well to chill that water. There's a myriad of fridges surrounding the studio. You're welcome to place your sparkling water in there. Bryn Rudkin, Newsreader, thank you so much.

17 past seven. Next on the show, an announcement of sorts. Play it. ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley. Just had to tell Hayley off. That was a real growling. That was what I would describe

as a growling. You just got growled. I said, don't eat during the point. Like, we were just talking. You were like. This is what Fletch does. And yeah, and that.

This is what Fletch does. I'll be eating in the break and you'll be like, all right, don't eat. Stop eating. And then he yelled at me. And don't eat during the break. Don't eat. She's about to do it. She's about to do it.

What are you doing? I don't even know I'm doing it. I love food. Yeah, food's pretty great. Yeah, food is delicious. We've got a member of the team in the studio with an announcement to make. Good morning to you, producer Jared.

G'day, gang. How are we? G'day, Jared. What's happening? Yeah, tomorrow's my last day. Yeah. Yeah. I've been made redundant

and luckily I've lined up some stuff outside of tomorrow. And, yeah, tomorrow's my last day. That sucks, dude. It sucks. It sucks. It sucks hard. Also, like, there's no metal heads left in the team, so.

Yeah. Excuse me, I can throw the horns. Oh, my God. Excuse me, I like the Foo Fighters. Yeah. Wow. Wow. We're talking metal, I like the Foo Fighters. Yeah. Wow. Wow. We're talking metal, I'm talking Hall of Oats.

Yeah. Wow, Jared, you are abandoning me. Actually, today might be my last day. I was listening to some music from 2005 the other day. Wow, that's so metal. That's so metal. Now, we're genuinely so disappointed, Jared, and we love you, and you're such an amazing member of the team,

and, yeah, we're going to miss you a lot. And our listeners and our podcast listeners will miss you as well. Yeah. Who are they going to say at 11 o'clock in the morning, where's the podcast? Hey, Jared, where's the podcast? Hey, Jared, there was a fan in the podcast. I'm ready for the podcast.

I'm trying, guys. I'm trying. Frantically trying to get it up before the first where's the podcast. I'm ready for the podcast. I'm trying, guys. I'm trying. Frantically trying to get it up before the first Where's the Podcast? Yeah. Yeah, dude. So you started here in 2020. Yeah, March 2nd, 2020. What a year was 2020.

Yeah, yeah. It was, yeah. I mean, when you started, and then we were like, oh, yeah, yeah. This is going to be fun. This stuff's planned for the year. And then lockdown. I was like, oh, you'll get your experience radio on the other side of this thing.

And wow. It's kind of still working. Kind of come back, but yeah. Yeah. It'll never quite be the same. Hayley sort of that. Kind of ruined the vibe. I'm not the vibe hire.

Yeah, you are the vibe hire. I am the vibe hire. I keep the vibes right. It's about four and a half years is a hell of an innings for a producer. No one lasts that long because Fletch is a prick. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, you just heard I told Hayley off for eating during the show. He tell larked at me.

Yeah, if that's how he speaks to women, you should know how he speaks to men. Oh, yeah, I know. He softens it for women. He does. Yeah. He gives them a pat on the ass afterwards, though, make them feel better.ens it for women. He does. Yeah. He gives them a pat on the ass afterwards though, make them feel better. That's what he's always said.

It sucks, but tomorrow, I was thinking we finally let a dream come true before Jared leaves for his last day, a little gift. Now that huff from Fletch, this has been great debate behind your back. And we suggested it ages ago and Fletch, this has been great debate behind your back. And we suggested

it ages ago and Fletch said, no one's going to want to listen to that. Oh, I think I know. We have a little miniature D&D game. One break. We'll see. You're going to be so hooked at the end of one break with the storytelling and the crafting of this

world and the characters. You're on my side, Hayley. You don't. No, I'm not. Because I'll do this for Jared and for Jared only. But now I'm excited about the character development, where I'm going to go. It's been a while since you've acted.

Okay. Oh, here we go. It's been a while since you've acted. Currently nothing on telly. Okay. Nothing on telly, nothing on stage. Everything's been cancelled, hasn't it? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I literally just wrapped up being on TV. It's not about me. It's about Jared. You know I'm just trying to get you on board by playing your insecurities. I'm crying because Jared's leaving, not because you're being mean to me. Yeah. So how's it going to work, Vaughan? Because I've literally never played D&D before.

We want to do a short game. Well, if we have to do it short, it can't be a game. It'll just have to be a scene. A scene from a D&D. Jared will give us characters. Okay, I'll make everyone a character. So you're, what are you? The master.

Yeah, I'm the dungeon master. Dungeon master. Even when I say it out loud, man. It's rad as it could be to say. Really? It's sexy stuff. Because I hear Dungeon Master and I just think of something else. But I've been reading too many books.

Actually, most people are both. Yeah. Most people that run Dungeons and Dragons games are also very sexually in charge. You're not making it better. So, strict five minutes. Quick. Maybe a ta five minutes. Quick. Maybe a tavern scene. Yes.

And it's our departing gift to you. Even though I would normally have a hard ban on anything Dungeons and Dragons on the show. What character are you thinking for Fletch? I'm thinking like a Persian rug merchant. It's time we meet the Persian Ruffians. A Persian dwarf. Oh, no, like from the mines. Not an actual small person.

I wouldn't say that. You would not use that. Why are they in the mines? Well, that's where the dwarves thrive. Underground. That sounds very problematic in this Dungeons & Dragons world. No, actually, that's not a good... You know, Ghibli, Lord's Snow White. No, actually, that's not a good... Just a... You know, Ghibli,

a Lord of the Rings. Someone just... You've got that sort of demeanour. Jared, someone's just... Oh, everyone's texting and saying that they're going to miss you, but someone texted and saying Hayley should play a bard

because they're all horned up. Yeah, they're musical and horny. I was thinking a bard or a sorcerer for Hayley. That's me. I'm a saucy sorcerer. Trying to think what the most pesty class is for Vaughn.

Well, we'll let you plan it. That's why we wanted to give you a little heads up because we know you've got to plan this nerd stuff. But I'm really looking forward to celebrating you tomorrow on your last day. Are you eating again?

It did feel like she put something in her mouth. I had a little bite of a muesli bar. I'm just going to go to the ads so I can tell off Hayley. I'm just a little meek thing and I need to keep sustenance all day long. No you're not. You're a musical horny bard.

Jared. He's on board. He knows the characters and everything now. We will miss you greatly. Let's have a really fun show tomorrow to send you off well. I'm not going to miss this dude because I literally talk to him pretty much every second of the day. We're going to Iron Maiden on Monday. It's fine. Fletch, you're going to miss him.

Cry. Cry in Persian. Tomorrow I'll try. Cry in a Persian accent. Play ZM's Fletch Vaughan and Hayley. Play ZM. We talked about Jeremy Dufresne, who was an alligator, no, crocodile? Yes, alligator tour guide.

And who was rumoured to be dating with Lana Del Rey. Now, she like came out and made it official, but then she was saying it's not, so we don't know. And then people were saying, oh, it's just because she's going into her country phase. Yeah, yeah, yeah. She had to get a southern boy. She needs a southern boyfriend.

You have to say you have a southern boy, like Jimmy Dufresne. It appears that they are together because they've gone to a star-studded wedding. Yeah. And in attendance was none other than Taylor Swift and Travis Kelsey. And everyone was like, so this alligator tour guide is

now rubbing shoulders with arguably currently the most famous woman in the world. Yeah. Taylor Swift. And we were laughing at the idea that he's just at this wedding sipping on Dom Perignon being like, how the hell did Mr. Dufresne get here? Wild. It must be mad.

Yeah, look, there's them holding hands. They're 100% together. Do you think she took him to get that suit before the wedding? Because if I met someone and they were like, we're going to a wedding in Taylor Swift's area, I'd be like, you're going to have to take me shopping and buy me a brand new suit. I don't have a nice one.

It's a very nice suit. He probably was like, I'll just go in my gator overalls. And she's like, to hell you will. Yeah, we're going to get you a suit. Yeah, yeah. Anyway, we were thinking about this because he must feel like a fish out of water and be pinching himself saying, how the hell did I get here? We wanted to know this morning, have you ever ended up somewhere,

found yourself somewhere and you're like, how the hell did I get here? I mean, I've definitely ended up like someone saying like, oh, you know, you're hanging out at a bar and they're like, oh, let's go to this party. And then you find yourself driving somewhere for two hours and someone saying like, oh, you know, you're hanging out at a bar and they're like, oh, let's go to this party. And then you find yourself driving somewhere for two hours and you're like, how, where am I? At what, some mansion party thing? Yeah, and you're like some house and it's ginormous and there's a massive, I am using

a specific example. It does seem more of a memory than a hypothetical. Yeah, I was out with some friends having some drinks and then one of their, like a friend's friend was like, I'm heading to a Halloween party and he was like,

I've got a case in my boot that's full of costumes, help yourself. So we went in there and found wigs. There's your first red flag. I know. He drove around

with a case of costumes in there. We got like wigs and makeup and stuff. Were there like famous people there? Not famous, but extraordinarily rich. Oh, wow.

I went in this car. We drove for ages and ages and ages. I didn't even know the suburb. And then got to this huge mansion. There was like a pool, a spa pool, this bonfire, like the size of the studio. And I was like, how did I end up here? How did I get here?

That is wild. And more importantly, like, how do I get home? The second red flag was getting in the car. The third red flag was how long you drove for. The fourth red flag was a mansion. Because you know you always pull up to those things and you're the poor person they're going to hunt. Yeah, yeah.

Yes. Like some kind of weird salt burn. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're going to turn up. You're the poor, poor person. They're going to dress you up. You will go in. You're in a clown costume.

No one else is in costume. They hunt you. And then they're like, run. And you're like, ah. in a clown costume, no one else is in costume. They hunt you and then they're like, run. And you're like, ah. Yeah. Well,

this is what we want to know. Have you been someone where you've gone, how did I end up here? I was, a few months ago, friends said that they were just in this,

on this yacht and it ended up being a party yacht for like, big celebrities and like, famous like, drivers.

I don't know, it must have been a driving event, like one of those F1 or one of those. And because they were already on the boat, these people, they just assumed that they were part of the party and then these famous people got on and they ended up on this boat party with like big celebs and they were like, how the hell did we get here?

You know how I went to school with a Victoria's Secret model and one of my friends went over to visit her and went to this party. And it was just celebs, Victoria's Secret models everywhere. Musicians. You'd seriously just be like, how the hell did I get here? Yeah, and she was this little Kiwi like, oh my God. I think she like BYO'd a bottle of wine. Because that's what you do when you go to a house party.

Probably wearing like a nice top from Glassons. Yeah, it was probably a lovely, jeans and a nice top. Jeans and a nice top from Glassons. Yeah, it was probably a lovely, yeah, jeans and a nice top. Jeans and a nice top and then all these celebs in their designer gear. Versace. You're like, how did I get here? Yeah, we've got some texts already coming in. Okay. I'd steal someone's shoes.

I'd steal everything. What, when you left? Yeah. Oh, yes. I'd try to find the same size. No, but I don't think. Do you reckon they take their shoes off at a house party? I don't think rich people take their shoes off.

Oh, yuck. Shoes off. Marble floor selling. No, no. You don't take shoes off. Celebsuck. Shoes off. Marble floors, darling. No, you don't take shoes off. Celebs aren't rocking around a house party in socks, my dude. Yeah. The disrespect. Yeah.

Okay, 0800DARLSATM. We want you to give us a call. You can text through 9696. Have you ever ended up somewhere and thought, how did I get here? This is incredible. We want to know, have you ever ended up somewhere and thought,

oh my God, how the hell did I get here? Like little old me, how am I here? How am I here? With these people. Because we are laughing at the fact that Lana Del Rey's alligator tour guide boyfriend has attended a wedding with her and with the likes of Taylor Swift and Travis Kelsey. And he must be there drinking the most expensive stuff, eating the most expensive food in an expensive suit,

being like, how the hell did I get here? Wild. I think any of us would be. Some of these stories are great. Are we taking the ones of like, I woke up in a graveyard at night, my dear friend had hit me with his car the day he got his full licence? Not quite what we're after.

No, that's not what we're after. Not quite what we're after. We're after this, though. I played Scrabble with Bill Gates mum On his super yacht How the hell Did I get here Kiwis always work on yachts Kiwis working on super yachts

Yeah Oh working on it You reckon I ended up at Kate Moss's house In London Just went along with a friend Having no idea And it was Kate Moss's house

Oh my god I feel like you've got to Say to your friend Hey look We're gonna go to my friend's house Be cool We're gonna go have drinks I've been invited to a party

Yeah Heads up Heads up. Heads up. Be cool. It's international supermodel cameos. Yeah. Yeah. It changes what I'm going to wear, how I'm going to behave, what I'm going to bring,

you know. Wow. I woke up in a police cell after blacking out. No memory of anything. Nah, that's kind of not what we're after here. Not really. They were apparently trespassing. When it all went down.

I mean, I'm enjoying these stories just as much, to be honest, Ward. Yeah. Maybe don't say the name of the Shortland Street star? No, it'd be very obvious. There's only one Shortland Street person that's ever been on Shortland Street that could possibly be described in that story. Okay. Oh, really?

Once ended up at a five-star hotel with a guy I just met at a hotel. Even got a free massage at the spa all on his account. Oh, that's nice. That's nice.

That's somewhat of a fantasy, isn't it? I've got to read the one about the bar in Cambodia. So do you want to read one that perhaps isn't going to require that? Oh, um,

Ohiha Huha. I went to Singapore earlier this year, ended up at the house of a banking CEO. So rich, the lady just bought her brother a Maserati for his 50th birthday, a baby grand piano in the quarter,

Dom Perignon in the fridge, Chanel lights and Versace bath mats. It was wild. Get out of here. Though we were the drunk Kiwi chicks who brought the fun times to the party. Wild. Courtney, good morning now where abouts did you end up that you couldn't believe uh so my husband worked for a talent agency in uh london

and we went to a promotional book launch uh where graham norton and davidlaus, who's the author of One Day, were promoting their books and then ended up in the after party with both of them sipping rosé. Wow. Graham's rosé? Graham's rosé? Was it Graham's rosé? Because he's got a rosé, doesn't he?

A rosé. A New Zealand rosé. Yeah, I don't know if it was his rosé, but it was his rosé. And obviously in moderation, his rosé. Oh, of course. Right, and to when he was lovely? He was lovely. I was desperate to get a photo with him, but I also realised that everybody who was in that room knew they should be in that room and didn't want to get a photo. Yeah, so you've got to kind of play it cool. You've got to be cool, yeah.

Yeah, I was trying to play it cool. But I've been fangirling hard. Do that thing where you sit in the corner and pretend that you're on your phone, but you're taking a photo, but everyone knows you're on your phone taking a photo. And you're like, oh, my God, kill me. I'm going to leave.

Courtney, thank you. Some more messages in. My best friend is good friends with Miranda Kerr. We all grew up in the same town. My friend went to her 40th in the States and there's a photo of her dancing on stage with Snoop Dogg. Oh my god. And she was just going to her old school friends. You would be like, how did

they get here? I worked in Italy for the Getty family. How's that Getty Images? No, the Getty like mob family? I would have preferred to work for the Getty Images. Getty Images. You get some nice prints. Yeah, you would be. Some nice stock photos. John Getty. That was Getty Images. Get some nice prints. You get some nice prints. Yeah, you would pay some nice stock photos. John Getty.

That was New York gangster though, wasn't it? Oh, was it? Might have been. I mean, they are of Italian, but I also thought the Getty family were the Getty family. If we could just have clarification, gang or photographers? I was in a restaurant in Bali, complained to a guy in the line for the bathroom

that it was taking forever, which sparked a conversation. Turns out he was the owner of the place. We ended up back at his million dollar mansion for an after party. Hooked us up for the rest of our trip. VIP entry everywhere. Free drinks, etc. Any bar we went to. The whole time I was thinking, how the F did I pull this off? Hot.

The Gotti's. I'd say hot. That's hot. Gotti was the mob's. John Gotti. What's the Giddy Giddy Images I reckon Is it I reckon they were with the Giddy Oh yeah The Giddy Images

Which if you don't know They like Licence all the photos and stuff Giddy Images And you go and get your Photos and you put them In your paper and things Right

Apparently quite the money maker Angry Birds Bar in Cambodia I've read it Come on So Angry Birds Bar in Cambodia Mates had been it. So Angry Birds Bar in Cambodia. Mates had been there the night before. It wasn't really my scene at all, but my one mate, who I would say is about two-thirds my size,

got treated like a king because he's on his way to being chunky. And they said to the bar staff, wait till tomorrow, we're bringing a big boy. I had 10 girls in costumes all over me. It seems if you're a big fat bastard, their word's not mine. And in Cambodia, they just assume you're very rich and very important. So they flocked in and he's like,

how did I get here? Surrounded. Oh, I ended up in Justin Bieber's hotel room with my best friend in New Zealand. Nothing weird, nothing full on happened. Just hanging out and having drinks, listening to his new music with other randoms. Crazy.

Was this when he was here in 2015? 2014? Yeah, whatever it was. We of course know. Oh no, I can't say it. I won't say it. Did you read the Singapore one? No. Oh yeah, we did. Yeah, you did. That's right. That was when I was reading the Cambodia one.

22 years old from Hastings, did my OE and ended up at a 10-course dinner with some megastars at Grosvenor House Hotel in Park Lane. Prince Edward was there as well. One bad thing was I lost a contact lens that night. You could have had a blurry recollection of that. Which prince are you? Are you the one that's all right to be hanging out with?

Oh. Blurry recollection of this. Which prince are you? Are you the one that's all right to be hanging out with? Hey, we've been given two rubber bands from Shannon each, and it's her attempt at another Shannon's hack to see if she gets a jingle for a five star. Look, I don't know if it's going to become a segment. It's failure after failure. It's rubbish hack after rubbish hack. However, you got a three out of us in your last hack, Shannon. Yes.

Aiming for a five today. Always. Okay, what have you got? Today's hack. So it's about de-puffing. This is all over TikTok at the moment. We get up early for work. Always constantly puffy.

Sometimes puffy. This is in the face. Yes. Yeah. Not the nipples. Not constantly puffy. Sometimes puffy. This is in the face. Yes. Yeah. Not the nipples. Nowhere else. We're doing puffy nipples and we're behind a rubber band. Well, yeah, because I was just worried about Vaughn's puffy

areoles. Oh, he's got very puffy areoles. I have puffy areoles. Please don't puff shame. Mine vary depending on the heat of the room. Anyway, Shannon. This is how deep puff your face. I've seen this all over TikTok. It's a Korean skin trend. You get two rubber bands and you wrap it around your ear, kind of above where your earring would go if you had your ears pierced,

and around the top. Do it quite tight. So you go around the base of the ear? Yeah, like, kind of like an elf ear. Imagine you're putting on an elf ear. Am I doing it right? Basically, but you kind of want to go over the lobe too. Yes, yes, yes.

There you go. Perfect. Now, you need to leave it like that for 10 minutes. Okay. Skinny face. Should I do one side and we'll see if one side gets puffed? Wait, what does this do? It's to do with lymphatic drainage.

So when you do a gua sha. A gua sha? A gua sha. Oh, what? Are you telling me you don't guasha in the morning? I've never heard of guasha in my life. A guasha. No, a guasha.

That's the Japanese ladies with the white faces. No, that's a geisha. That's a geisha. G-U-A space S-H-A. It's those little hard discs often made out of like greenstone or rose quartz and you go there. You gua sha your face. So basically it's a lymphatic massage. You know when you're sick and you get sore lymph nodes like right under your ears?

I'm going to make it tighter. This is to help give yourself a lymphatic massage without all the work of gua sharring. It's going to be hard to tell with me because I'm fresh on the Botox, you know what I mean? I'm tight anyway. Do you? I don't get sore bits under my ears when I get sick. I do. Swollen nodes here, not under your ears.

You don't get sore though. Swollen lymph nodes. Yeah. Now, how proven is this on TikTok to work? Well, everything on TikTok is proven. Sorry. Sorry. Just to quote Shannon. Just to sort of get away from the lymph nodes. She said everything on TikTok has been proven. They're not. Sorry. Sorry. Just to quote Shannon, just to sort of get away from the lymph nodes.

She said, everything on TikTok has been proven. Right. Well, like someone videoed it. So a video exists of someone doing this. A doctor? No, I don't really believe in doctors when it comes to this. Okay, we'll pick it up again. Just a quote again.

Shannon Trim, I don't believe in doctors. I'm giving this half a star. Wait, you can't rate it if you haven't tried it. Hayley's, we've got to wait 10 minutes. Does the right side of my face look less puffy? How does this affect the lymph nodes? Because it's giving you a lymphatic massage. She's got her ear bundled up in a rubber band.

Yeah. Also, it kind of looks like Hayley's an MMA fighter. Yeah, kind of. Or you're like a rugby player. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay. Lymphatic drainage. Okay, well, I did a quick Google.

The purpose of wearing rubber bands on ears for lymphatic drainage, it is a myth and trend. It doesn't really work, and as lymphatic drainage doesn't go through the ears. I'll just take that off. This is why I was wondering, how are you draining that down here? I'm giving that minus one stars. You lost your half star. That's a zero stars for me. I'm just take that off. This is why I was wondering, how are you draining that down in here? I'm giving that minus one stars. You lost your half star.

That's a zero stars for me. I'm giving you a minus one. Did we have fun though? I was at zero. I was at zero. And then when she said, I don't believe in doctors, I took away two points.

No, doctors have a place, just not in this place. Okay. Stop. Shannon said to be at fun. I'm having fun because now I've got rubber bands and I can make a rubber band gun and I can shoot Vaughn. Okay, so I'm going minus one star Vaughn.

Minus two stars. I'm going zero, so we're at an average of negative one stars for Shannon's hack this week. Terrible. Call Her Daddy podcast is very popular. And I listen to it sometimes. And this is saying something. Other times I find it a little bit crass.

Oh, wow. You find it crass. That's coming from me, the co-host of a sex podcast. Okay. But I really like the interviews that she does with big celebs. Some of them are really, they go in depth because it's just a couple of gals talking and Katy Perry is the latest one and it was a really interesting

interview just about her life, music, the fact that the new song didn't do that well Because I feel like, what the new song was a month or so ago? I don't know But the album's out in like a week or so But I feel like she's been kind of just out of like just hiding away.

Yeah. She's been doing a lot of work on herself. Right. Yeah, she did all these sort of, you know, retreats and whatnot. Since the song came out or before the song came out? Before the song came out. Are you saying she was before the song or after the song? I'm saying before the song she's been quiet.

She's been really quiet after the song too. Yeah, well, that's the thing. She wasn't really interested in doing a lot of interviews about it except for with Alex from Call Her Daddy. Right. Did she promise not to ask about the whole Dr. Luke thing? Yeah, it was sort of brush to side. They do sort of bring it up.

Anyway, I was listening to it yesterday and one of the things that's gone online the most is she dives into a relationship with Orlando Bloom. Yep. And they've broken up? They broke up for a year back in, I think, like 2017 or something. Well, they've got to start again. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

They can't say they've been together 10 years. They've got to start again. So they came back together in 2017? Yep. You're a real stickler for this. Seven years. Seven years. So we're starting at seven.

Wait. Six. Yep. Six-ish. Then she was saying that, like, you know, what do you like about Orlando? Like, what drew you to him?

And she said that they live really well together. And she was laughing about the fact that she's dated these famous people in the past that are like, shower her with gifts, give her Lamborghinis, buy her this, buy her that. And she starts screaming, basically, all I want you to do is do the effing dishes. She's like,

I don't need you to buy me a red Ferrari. I can buy myself a red Ferrari. If I come downstairs, the dishes are done, all the cupboards are closed, and you've tidied up, I will, I'm gonna give you some brownie points in the form of some adult behaviour. That's how she's

kind of sold it. Okay. When Orlando cleans up around the house, she just is. It's like when you do the oven, you clean the oven. See, that got me going. It really gets, doesn't it get Chanel going when you've done the cleaning? It doesn't result in what she's talking about. Oh, that's a shame. We've been married for coming up 14 years.

Twice the time Orlando Bloom and Katy Perry have been together. Yeah, exactly. And that stuff's been off the table since November 13th, 2010. Yeah. But I was just meaning brownie points as in it doesn't need to be, you know, of that. Absolutely. The brownie points are the unexpected, like, shit jobs, like cleaning out the linen cupboard.

Yeah, it's not the flowers or the romantic gestures. No, no, no, no, no. It's doing something that they want done but don't want to do themselves. Yeah. Yeah. Well, this is what we wanted to know. What is the act that you do for your partner that gets you those extra brownie points, in whatever form they may come?

Like, you're so right. For me, it's like, it's not when Aaron renovates an entire house, you know, or builds something for me. It's like, it's when he cooks a bad chicken thigh. And I'm like, that's fantastic. Now I don't have to cook a chicken thigh. The chicken thigh has been cooked for me. Even though you were like, maybe you've cooked it a little bit long here.

Did it need 25 in the oven? I reckon 18 would have done it. You know what I mean? Yeah. But at least he's not trying to perfectly cook a moist chicken breast. Impossible. A thigh comes with its own moisture. Yeah, it's the brownie points.

It makes you happy because he's done something for you. And maybe the act is just something a little odd. It's the unexpected acts that get you those brownie points. Okay, so you want to hear from people this morning. 0800 DALZM, you can call us now. Text through 9696. What gets you those brownie points? The thing that you do for your partner.

Give us a call. Olivia Rodrigo. Good for you, ZM. No, you miss it. It's now. Sorry, I went early. ZM's Fletch Vaughan and Hayley. Oh, it's simple. Humans is what we're learning from these texts. We want to know what you do

for your partner that gets you the extra brownie points because Katy Perry revealed that if Orlando closes the pantry cupboards and does the dishes, She's happy. She is happier than ever. And these texts coming through would suggest that, God, we just want the simple things in life.

Yeah, don't we? From our partners. Gina, what is it that your partner can do for the brownie points? I mean, he does lots of things, but this morning when I was on the way out to work, he was cleaning my white shoes for me. Oh, that's nice. That's nice.

Do you know what I've noticed? Clean your own goddamn shoes. No, it's nice when he does it. Cleaning white shoes, though, is hard. Do you know that I've seen them? I saw some in, I think it was at New York or overseas, and I've seen them online. It's become a thing now, like shoe places just to clean your shoes. They clean your shoes.

Well, I've got one of those for free. Yeah. You don't need to leave the house. Yeah. Oh, that's a nice little app to make your day easier. Thanks, Janet. Dana, what is it that your partner can do for brownie points? It's actually what I do for him.

Oh, okay. I find him retro gaming bundles to buy. And recently I found a really rare thing that he'd only ever seen twice in his 37 years. And that was a PS1 that came with a screen attached to it, so you don't need to put it into a TV. Oh, my God. That was really bougie. That was bougie stuff.

And was he like completely overwhelmed? Oh yeah, he did everything to do with the kids for like three days. Oh, we love that. Yeah. Yes. I basically just sat on my ass and did nothing. I like that.

Also, you're kind of feeding his addiction. This could come back to bite you. Yeah, well, he has. He won't have a look at you anymore. My house is overrun with retro gaming, like every console you could imagine, every game. It's insane. I love that.

Dania, thank you. Rebecca, what is it that you can do for your partner for the brownie points? He did for me this morning. Okay. I had a meltdown last week about what to wear. The weight's changed a little bit.

I feel you, babes. Yeah. And so he, while I was in the shower, he laid out an outfit for me. He picked it for you? Yeah. Wow.

Was it cute? Because Aaron's done this for me before and it was old. Yeah. It was an off outfit. Did you put it on and then look in the mirror and then say to him,

what do you think? And he's like, it looks lovely. And you're. Did you put it on and then look at the mirror and then say to him, what do you think? And he's like, it looks lovely. And you're like, you hate it. And then do five more changes? No, no, no. It was good.

I'm wearing it out of obligation. Yeah, yeah. See, I wore mine and I was like, well, I wouldn't have chosen it. I wouldn't have chosen it. So does he bank these brownie points or was it an immediate cash

into brownie points? Immediate cash into brownie points. Oh, hello. Good for you. Good for you. Put that outfit on or keep it off. Thanks, Rebecca.

Jenna, what is it that your partner can do for brownie points? When he books my WAF, it's just the best. When he books your WAF. Yeah, just takes charge

of that kind of admin. Yeah, good. It's hush, eh? Yeah, 100%. He's like, hey, Jenna, I've booked you in it. Does he not do the thing I do

where he purposely waits for it to expire because it's your car and you've got to take some amount of responsibility with it? And then the next time you're in the car, you tap it. You tap it. You reach up and you tap it. And you're like, that month was three months ago. Tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap. So Dan's only going to backfire on you if she has a crash in the insurance's void.

You're paying that. You're paying that. You're paying that. My name's not on that. My name's not on that. Okay. Thanks, Jenna. Some messages in. My husband earns brownie points when he's nice to my cat, that you're paying that you're paying that my name's not on that okay uh thanks jenna some messages in uh my husband earns brownie points when he's nice to my cat pats him and talks in

a cat voice yeah that's cute uh my husband faked hands me every friday yeah that's true literal brownie gloves yeah you gotta brownie up your points yeah i always just miss the back yeah buy me a bottle of wine without me having to ask. That initiative is hot. What did you say, sir? Nah, it's all good. I missed it. It's all good. You missed the back.

I'm being filthy. Okay, don't. Yeah. Please. He started it. Fletch started it. Yeah, surprise, surprise. I did start that.

Came home from a day at work in daycare pickups and hubby had sugar-soaked all the walls. Oh, the fly poops off the wall. Yeah. Nice. So he made sure he was treated like a king that night. Ooh. Exclamation mark.

God, there's a guy that's had his hands on fly shit all day. Get away from me. Get away from me. Wash that boy down. Yeah. My husband gets gold stars if he does anything that needs to. Gold stars, condescending. Brownie points, fine.

Yeah. Gold stars, condescending. Well, if it's on a chart on the fridge, it's a little condescending for an adult. Anyway. Oh, my God. If he does anything that needs to be done around the house without waiting to be asked, after 18 years of marriage, my bar has been reduced quite low. Oh, God.

My bar has been reduced so low. That's all she's expecting. It's just a commentary on marriage as a concept Yeah Hubby, okay, come on This isn't a counselling session, let's talk about this off air My husband gets major brownie points If I'm out and about and the weather turns

And he puts all my 20 horses covers on 20 horses What an animal And he's a raincoat? That's a bad animal. No, they like it when the horses have their little jackets on. Yeah, bloody get out of here. You're telling me the evolution got them this far and if there's a light drizzle, they need a raincoat on?

If I had a horse, he'd have a lovely little windbreaker. Get a grip. I'd get my horse a little long rain hat. Oh, yeah, with a hood. It's going to protect his hair. It's got nice long hair. Would the ears go inside or outside of the hat? Inside.

I'm trying not to hear anything. He'd hate it. When he does his own jobs, don't try to do things for me by doing my jobs that I actually like doing. Oh, so they've got set jobs. Oh, you do your jobs. Yeah, you do your jobs.

I'll do my jobs. I get branding points from my partner for making his lunch for work each day. He works long hours, so it saves him doing it. It's cute. Somebody, is falaccio an Italian pasta dish? Yeah, I think it's like a, quite a few people have said falaccio. Yeah, it's a curly pasta, is it?

Yeah, it is. It's a curly pasta. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley. Fact of the day, day, day, day, day. Yeah. Do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do. Native Bird Week here at Fact of the Day. Is that?

Yeah. Yesterday. What was yesterday? Kiwi. The kiwi. The kiwi can run fast and it's monogamous. Did you know kiwis were monogamous? I didn't know they were monogamous. They're monogamous.

Boring, eh? Oh, my God, get a life. Roll your eyes at monogamy like that. Monogamy is such an outdated concept. I'm just planting seeds. It's fine. I'm just planting seeds. It's fine. I'm just lightly planting seeds. Because it feels like you're talking a lot better,

but you're too cowardly to act on it. No, no, no, no. I'm just planting seeds. It feels like there's a lot of talk at this stage. It's fine. Well, today the bird we're talking about was once called the New Zealand Creeper. Ooh. Okay.

Also known as the Polly Bird and the Poe Bird. Captain Cook described them as the flesh is most delicious and it was the greatest luxury the woods afforded us. Excuse me, Captain Cook. Oh, my God. Otherwise, I thought he was such a great guy. 1780, first strike on the board against Cook. You've got three.

Don't waste them. The Poe Bee Eater Was what it was called Before we set on The final term For the bird Any guesses? No The Poe what?

The Poe Bee Eater It doesn't eat bees It doesn't eat bees Not the Weka? No No Fairly decent guess though With the flesh

Delicious flesh What are those other things That walk That are Pukiko Tarka hay Okay Pukiko Pukiko That'sahe. Takahe. Okay.

Pukiko. Pukiko. That's a flying bird. And I honestly would... Keriru. It would have been so far down the list of New Zealand native birds I would have ever thought would have been... Fantail. Edible.

Bit bigger. Bit bigger. Tuwi. Gets drunk. Yes, gets drunk on New Zealand flax. Tuwi. Because you know how they eat nectar? Yeah.

The flax, the way the flowers open, it ferments within the flower. That's why if you see tui's herning flax, and then they like don't fly straight. Yeah, that's right. They've got booze from the alcohol content of the good gut health. The flax. Oh, yeah, great gut health.

Because fermented food's good gut health. Because the kereru, they get drunk on the berries. From the berries from the karaka trees. The berries that ferment within themselves, right? Yeah. Don't the berries... That's why your pets shouldn't eat them, the karaka seeds when they drop on the berries. The berries from the karaka trees. The berries that's the mess within themselves, right? Yeah. Don't the berries... That's why your pets shouldn't eat them, the karaka seeds when they drop on the ground.

Or they're just horrifically toxic to dogs. Delish. What, dogs? Yep. You might have wondered when a tui flies, why you can hear its wings. You know, it's like the kereru's got the big hoof. Yep.

The tui's got the... Yeah. You hear it. Well, that's because they evolved to fly in very thick forests and stay below the canopy. Yeah. I'm learning a lot of birds in New Zealand learn to stay below the canopy

and just gave up flying altogether because of my old mate, my favourite extinct New Zealand bird, the Haast eagle. Oh, yeah, massive thing. It had a wingspan of like- Three metres. Yeah. Three metre wingspan.

Imagine that. It grew up to 18 kgs. I've been reading a lot about them. I'm just thinking we'd get a good half-single factor. If those things

were still around, you'd have to watch out for your tiny friends. Oh yeah, your short friends. Yeah. They'd be filling the gulls up

on high country sheep. Yeah. Your dog would just be in the back yard and all of a sudden it'd just disappear. That's for certain. All birds have

a sound-producing organ called a syrinx, which is typically controlled by two sets of muscles. Twoeys have nine sets of muscles. Is it to keep predators away? Because they're so low. What do you mean? You said they make a noise when they fly.

Is that why? No, no, no. It's just because their wings develop to be short and wide, so it's more for maneuverability than it is for gliding or long-distance flying. They're hopping from bit to bit. So through the dense forest, it was thick, short, wide wings. But then that means they have to flap them a whole lot more when they're flying out in the open.

So they've got nine thingamajiggies. That's cool. No, but then separate fact is the reason they can sing so well is they've got nine sets of muscles and a dual voice box. I just thought it because they had a good tutor growing up. Yeah. And we're just classically trained.

Yeah, classically trained. Like Hayley's classically trained. I'm classically trained. Won't you just forget that, will she? The nine sets of muscles and the dual voice box. Also, if you've ever seen like most birds when they sing, they go like this. Turn their head, just open the beak.

Never actually seen a bird do that. But when you watch a tui, it goes... Moves, tilts, bubbles, puffs chest, necks up. All sorts. It's like a tui's in the studio.

As majestic as a tui. It's like a two-e's in the studio. I know. Yeah. As majestic. As majestic as a two-e. That's what they've said. Yeah, they have. A proud bird and a proud man. But they have to move a lot more because of the nine sets of muscles. Wow.

And their neck. But this is all led up to the fact. Why? We haven't even done the fact? I thought that was the fact. We've all been leading up to the fact. Okay. Also, just before I had the main fact, this is a lot of facts. We're out of time.

Give us the main facts. Tuis have regional accents. The Chatham Island Tui is bigger than the mainland New Zealand island. Yeah, the Invercargill Tui is like... Oh, the purple bird in the...

Hey, I'm a bird. There's no tuis in Christchurch. I just learned this recently. They're trying to reintroduce the trees no Tewies in Christchurch. I just learned this recently. They're trying to reintroduce the trees to get them back into Christchurch. No, there's no Tewies in Christchurch. Look up in the trees. Have you seen a wall in the sky? Yeah.

The sky. I'm telling you. The sky. As if. Tewies get to Christchurch, you're like, better turn back. They get to the, yeah, South Island, and they're like, oh, no. There's that Christchurch wall. Yeah. Can't turn back. They get to the South Island and they're like, oh no, there's that Christchurch wall. Can't get in there.

You're all being silly. There's nowhere for them to sit. There's nothing for them to eat. But today's fact about Tui's. No trees in Christchurch. That's insane. The president of facts is that Tui's were kept in cages by Maori tribes who trained them to repeat welcome speeches known to be up to 70 words long.

Wow. Like a parrot. Yeah. Wow. So they would get to the outside of the marae or the pa. But I guess it was just a two-eater cage. Yeah. Sort of like an answering machine.

Being like, no mate, hi to mate. Yeah. Tena koutou. Wow, that's beautiful. So today's fact of the day is the tui, an amazing bird. And unless you're in Christchurch, you'll probably see one today. Wellington has... I think all of Christchurch's tuis moved to Wellington. They didn't.

They're everywhere in Wellington. Just look up. A lot of them got fired recently when National got in. Yeah, I know. They're probably moving back to Christchurch lot of them got fired recently when National got in Yeah, I know They're probably moving back to Christchurch actually Because they lost all their sweet government jobs But today's fact of the day is The Tui, in times gone by

Were kept in cages and trained to repeat welcome speeches for Māori tribes Fact of the day, day, day, day, day. Yeah. We're in Melbourne this weekend Filming Have You Been Paying Attention Which has not been cancelled in Australia With David Walliams With David Walliams on the panel as well Little Britain Who's going to be on the show later this week Because he's coming to New Zealand He writes kids books now

Writes kids books He's doing the show Yeah it's going to be great But while I'm in Melbourne My brother lives there He's lived there for like 17 years at this point It's been a long time Right

And whenever I fly over there to work, I always make time to see my brother, which means I catch a lot of Ubers. Weird. Weird. I know I wouldn't. We had a lovely time. Father.

You were just a little brother. Just text and say hi. I love my brother. He cried when I saw him. Did he? What? He loves me. We love each other.

Did he cry because you punched him? Or hit him or hurt him? No, we have a big cuddle. We haven't seen each other for a while. Yes, it's Christmas. It's so weird, isn't it? It's been nine months

we haven't seen each other. Nine months? Yeah. Anyway, that's dropping the buck, isn't it? Yeah. Anyway, I went and had dinner with him.

I had my food. You ate with him? Twice. I went out two of the three nights. Did your parents make you? No, we wanted to. We just chose to. I had my food. You ate with him? Twice. I went out two of the three nights. Did your parents make you? No, we wanted to. We just chose to. That's so weird. I got an Uber and he, where I stay

in Melbourne to work, is really far away from where he lives. So I always like Uber there, Uber back. Are you paying to go and see him? Yeah, and I buy dinner and stuff. Wait, you pay for dinner? You pay for his dinner and pay to go and see him. No wonder he's crying. He's getting a free meal. No, it's my brother.

We love each other. He's crying because Steve Darnley knows he owes you and that's not something anybody can stand. No, because he bought dinner the next night. Anyway, I went there, but the first night we went to a classic Aussie pub and I had my first ever chicken parma. Oh! How have you lived so long and been to Australia so much

and never had a chicken parma? I said, I'm in the mood for a steak, bruv. Like, take me to that place where I had that specific steak. And he was like, yeah, yeah, we'll go there. Get there. I walk past a plate and I said, what the hell's that? That's a chicken parma, Jana. Half the size of the plate.

Oh, no. He said that, babe, baby says, that's chicken parma. You've got to get one, babe. What's your brother call you, babe? Yeah, we call each other babe. That's weird. Oh, that's how old I am. My whole family does it. Your whole family, man. Anyway, I had's chicken parma. You've got to get one, babe. What did your brother call you, babe? Yeah, we call each other babe. That's weird. Oh, this helps. My whole family does it.

Your whole family, man. Anyway, I had a chicken parma. What did you have with the chicken parma? Chips and salad. Yeah, it's a classic. Yeah. You cannot go to Australia and not have a chicken parma. I know.

That's what he said here. It was like, it's a crime you haven't had one. So it's a chicken schnitzel, but it's got cheese and tomato on it. But it's not a schnitty like we know it. No, it's a big schnitty. Yeah, it's got cheese and tomato on it. But it's not a schnitty like we know it. No, it's a big schnitty. Yeah, I want to know what they're feeding those chickens. I think it's like a breast right sliced in half, and then in half again.

Yeah. Beat the shit out of. It's a breast. Yeah. Yeah. I gave him half. I couldn't finish it. Can you not finish your chicken parma?

I couldn't finish it. It was huge. Anyway. She embarrassed me. Oh, no. Anyway, after the chicken parma, I went back to his and we listened to music and catching up and stuff. This sounds like a date. His fiance was there as well.

If it wasn't your brother. I went to his steakhouse with a dude in Australia and we bought a chicken parma and then I went back to his place. We were listening to music and then. Did you share music tastes? Yeah, yeah. He got me into heavy metal and stuff. That's weird, yeah. We were listening to

old new metal and heavy metal. Would you hang out with Noodles and listen to some Pantera? No. You wouldn't. We listen to a bit of Pantera. Anyway.

We do. We share the same music taste because he's a musician. Anyway, anyway. After this I was like oh it's getting late I'm going to go home

and I got on my Uber. Now Uber's going fine. It was a Tesla so I was like oh. Oh yeah. i'm gonna go home and i got on my uber now uber's going fine it was a tesla so i was like oh yeah looking at the roof and whatnot then i noticed it was in australia in melbourne god the ubers drive fast so i was like oh that's full on and then i noticed he started like braking at strange points and i was like well you know that that's a green light you've been speeding this whole time why are you slowing down for this green light? Was it the Tesla doing it? The Tesla.

No, no, no. It was the driver. And then I noticed him missing green lights, like sitting there and stuff. And then I heard. Oh, my God. Are you kidding me? The dude straight up fell asleep. This is my alarm bell.

This is my alarm bell. It was like maybe 10 p.m. Yeah, 10 p.m. I was like, he's fell asleep. This is my alarm bell. This is my alarm bell. It was like maybe 10 p.m. Yeah, 10 p.m. I was like, he's fallen asleep. And then off he goes. Then I'm feeling the do-do-do-do-do-do of lanes. The rumble lines. This man could not stay awake.

It was terrifying. I was like, oh, this was funny. And now it's very not funny. The guy was straight up falling asleep. Did you say something? No, I didn't. I did that Kiwi thing of just like, just like stay quiet.

And then I started rubbing my feet, you know, kind of making noise in the back. You know when you're just in that light sleep that any noise will get you out of it. The dude was straight up. And I still haven't, I didn't review him or do anything. I know it was bad. I should have said you need to go home, dude. You need up, and I still haven't, I didn't review him or do anything. I know it was bad. I should have said you need to go home, dude.

You need to report. I know. But the snort, he was literally falling asleep to the point that he was. Oh my, that's so bad. And he was sitting up. Imagine what he snores when he's at home. He snores like that sitting up. The poor wife.

Yeah. I know. It was harrowing. I mean, I got home. Yeah, but just. Got back to the hotel. Yeah, I know. It was harrowing. I mean, I got home. Yeah, but just? Got back to the hotel. Yeah, I know. It was absolutely terrifying.

Nearly made me throw up my bloody chicken powder. Oh, God. I got that. Call me, what it at? Play. ZM's Fletchvorn and Hayley. A quay is turning 20 years old. Yeah.

And we've been doing stuff with a quay, and they've just sent in a lovely array of candles in this big blue box. And I said, what's this? And you guys, because you got here before me, in this weird move, you guys were here earlier than me to work. It went off. We were actually working on some jokes, weren't we,

when Vaughn wasn't here? Wait, we missed them. Oh, what were they? Hayley was like, oh, my God, I wish I had a spa pool. And I was like, and then we were just making jokes that you would have appreciated. Stuff like, oh my God, I wish I had a spa pool. And I was like, and then we were just making jokes that you would have appreciated. Stuff like, oh God, yeah, if only we had a friend that invited us around for a spa pool.

No, you did a real zinger. And I said, that is such a good joke. And we said, well, we'll do it again when Vaughn gets in here. We'll recycle it. And I've forgotten that one. This is what happens when you don't get to work early, Vaughn. The jokes come out. So they've sent in a record player and then a whole lot of music

from 20 years ago are on these records, which is pretty cool. That's one of those little suitcase record players. I've never had a record player. Oh, yeah, I've got a record player. It's genuinely very appreciated. I've got a couple. I've got some of my favourite albums on vinyl. I've got three albums on vinyl that I've never played.

You can't play them. Plug in your auxiliary cord. Okay, I'm plugged in. Okay, do you know how to use a record? Yeah, I'm never played. You can't play them. Plug in your auxiliary cord. Okay, I'm plugged in. Okay, do you know how to use a record? Yeah, I'm a DJ. Check my title. I'm a DJ. Your whole energy has changed watching you at the discs there.

Okay, here we go. What are you going to play for us, DJ? Oh, listen to that. Oh, that sound of the crackle. Here it comes. DJ, you've put it too wide. You've put it too wide. How far should I put it?

Where the thin lines start? Yeah, where it starts. You can see them. Here we go. There you go. Oh, listen to that. Yeah, good stuff. Are you going to do some mixing for us?

Come on. Come on, incubus. It's technically a turntable. Yeah, we're just going to give it a start. We're going to get it to the chorus before I start maxing it out. You need to turn it up a little bit on your end. Yeah, turn it up a little bit. Yep.

Here you go. Oh, God. Sigh, DJ. Symphony. Yes! Spin it. Give it a bit of tempo change. Listen, ready?

This is going to be the big one. Ready? Two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight. You were off tempo there. Then you've got to spin it back to being on time. Oh, my God. Stop it. Give us one more.

Terrible for the record. Beastie Boys! Thank you, Akoya, for the lovely gifts. I've actually got to play the real one now because I thought you kind of massacred that. Oh, my God, yes, please. I could just keep playing it. No, it's fine, actually.

No, we don't want you to... Someone messaged in, this would have been a way better Friday flashback, Fletch, than that effing Crazy Frog. Excuse me, Crazy Frog was great. That popped. People loved it. That popped off.

Vaughn's picked this week on Friday. I hope you're ready to up your game. Yeah, get your post sack all ready to deliver. I messaged you last Friday when I was having a bit of a 2005 reminisce. Shit, 2005, overlooked. Great year for music. Yeah. Beautiful.

Great year for music. Now, this is a survey from international food magazine Chef's Pencil that has called Auckland, Auckland, New Zealand. And the whole world. And the whole world, the world's earliest diners at restaurants.

Which feels interesting to me, but then you think about any time you're in Europe, 9pm, 10pm, we're happy to be out having din-dons. I couldn't get over how late people eat there. We've had a siesta. Yeah. We've had some drinks at lunch. Now we're going to have a little nap. And then we go out for dinner very, very late.

I guess because it's so hot. Even at like 5 or 6. Yeah, in Auckland, most venues have last sittings for tables, like last chance to book about 8.30. Right. And the majority of Aucklanders book tables between 5.30pm and 7pm, the survey said.

They want to be shutting at like 10, 10.30. Yeah, exactly. But also you want to go straight from work if you're in the city already. Yeah. I mean, sometimes, I mean, 6 for me is good, but we also get up early. Yesterday, I, our friends were over when I got back from the airport

and at 4.30 I said, let's why don't we just go and all have dinner together at the TAV or whatever. And so we were eating dinner at 5.30 and they were, you guys would be like, me, and parents, like parents of young kids get used to dinner at 5.30 Perfect You guys would be like Mean And parents

Like parents of young kids Get used to eating at 5.30 Well you've either got to eat When they eat Or after they go to bed Yeah so then you're talking 7.38 Yeah And they were like

Oh yeah I suppose I could Cram a meal in now Like they found it so early As well But between 5.30pm and 7pm It's nice It's for the starting early Same

Because then we bed early. I'll still have a nice night. We just want to do it all earlier. I say good on you, Auckland, for going early. You stick to your guns. 5.30 is not too early for me. Well, if you enjoyed that,

give us a rating and review and be sure to tell your mates. You know what? I reckon your script reading is getting better. Thank you. I give it five stars. Just like I'd give this podcast. I'm telling my friends about your script reading too.

Thank you. Much like I'm going to do about this podcast. Thank you Vaughan and Hayley for that. Good boy.