ZM's Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley - Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley's Big Pod - 11th August 2023

Episode Date: August 10, 2023

Top 6: LOL  Vulturing  Biggest Lie your Parents told you  Temuera Morrison & Robyn Malcolm!  Final Rankings: Fonts  Girl Math!  Fact of the Day Day Day Day Daaaaay!See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

The ZM Podcast Network. The Flesh, Vaughan and Hayley Big Pod. Treat yourself to McCafe coffee with my Macca's rewards. Good morning, welcome to the show. Flesh, Vaughan and Hayley, two minutes past six. I'm feeling a little bit... Don't say it, because so am I. You feel a little bit clogged up?

Well, you don't have to bloody sing tonight in front of a crowd, do you? Oh my God, yes, of course. I get some lozenges. But Vaughan's been..., when did Vaughan, was it Vaughan here Monday? No, we don't have what Vaughan has. We don't, unless it was like a slow lingerer, like he planted the seed.

I imagine we both slightly run down from carrying a third of the show. Yeah, right. An extra third. Extra weight of the show. I think so. It's definitely going around at the moment, eh? Because it's so cold at the moment,

everyone's got the sniffles. Yeah. I think so. It's definitely going around at the moment, eh? Because it's so cold at the moment. Everyone's got the sniffles. Yeah. Blah, blah, blah. I've packed warm for Wellington, I tell you. You've got your comedy show tonight. Yeah, I've got my fleecy leathers and my possum hat. Fleecy leathers. And my merino scarf.

On the show today, we've got a chance for you to win another $500 cash. It's a fun game we play called V2.1. All thanks to V. Listen up for the activator. It'll be between, I'd say quarter past 7 and 7.45. Whoa. I've given a big window there to really keep people listening there, Hayley. That's what we do. It's going to be between

6 and 9, which is generally when our show's on. Oh, yeah, wow. That's it. Okay, that's quite a big window. Yeah. I was going more for a bathroom window. You've gone for one of those sweeping... I've gone for a big set of bifold doors. You really have there. Yeah. Also, on the way, the top six.

Indeed. Now, apparently, LOL, it came back for a bit. Remember, LOL was lame? Yeah, and then... LOL was in, and then LOL was lame, and then LOL came back ironically, and then LOL was back in. Yeah.

Just in general. And now it's done. So if you're using lol... Well, there's a new one that's replacing it. Yep. Idjibula. Okay. Doesn't quite roll off the tongue like lol.

So I've got the top six other social media acronyms that are going to be making waves this year. Play. ZM's Fletchvorn and Hayley. social media acronyms that are going to be making waves this year. It's Olivia Rodrigo Vampire on CDM Fletch Vaughan and Hayley, that would be your favourite song at the moment?

I would say so. I would say, I'm just, I'm obsessed with her. I mean, I know at the start I always make fun, but she really

bursts into some great vocals. Now, we've got a bit of exciting news from Olivia Rodrigo, don't we? There's a brand new song out today. It's out now. Her new song. Plug your thing in. Oh, you've got to plug my one in.

Oh, God, look at this. See, this is where Vaughn's the plugger in her. Vaughn's the plugger in her and he's away. I like it. Very 90s. This is called Bad Idea, right? This is, okay, how 90s does this sound? I like this.

It sounds like it could be like Veruca Salt or something. Veruca Salt? From Willy Wonka? No, what's that? That band, Veruca. The Veronicas? No, they're 90s. Veruca Salt from Willy Wonka.

Fuck it, it's fine Oh I'm so sorry Hayley I'm so sorry Hayley's fired She just let an F word on here We literally stopped talking And paused for that

As if we knew it was coming And I'm sorry we didn't We didn't we didn't It doesn't say explicit It says E it's explicit I apologise Okay well it's been so nice Working with you

Oh it's been such a fun time. Can we cancel Hayley at the end of the show so I don't have to work alone with Vaughan being sick? Oh, I'm actually, I'm going to pack up now. I might go. Hey, thank you everyone so much. It's just been such a great. It's been an honour.

What has it been, like 20 months? It's been an honour and a privilege. Fletch, I've learnt so much from you. Thank you. I'd like to say something to Vaughan. He's not here. Producers, just an amazing ride much from you. Thank you. I'd like to say something to Vaughan. He's not here. Producers, just an amazing ride with you guys. I have so much respect for you all.

Just one question before you just go. How are you paying your mortgage? Fletch, Fawn and Hayley, here I am. Okay. So I'm just going to sit right in there. Sit back down. Sit right in. Sit back down.

Look, to be fair, she hasn't released the radio edit yet. Let's get the radio edit sorted and play that because that sounds like an absolute banger. I love that we paused and you almost increased the volume. I love that. Hey, we're all adults here. Unless you're a kid and you'll be an adult soon. Sooner than you think, kid. Yeah, oh God, it comes fast, doesn't it?

And then all of a sudden you'll be like in your 30s. You're growing upive than you think, kid. Yeah, oh, God, it comes fast, doesn't it? And then all of a sudden you'll be, like, in your 30s. You're growing up too fast. Yeah. Now, in the UK, Alcohol Change UK, they released a stat on the average that the average Brit spends on drinking in their lifetime. And this story that I found, the journalist is like, what? And then she delves into how much she's spent,

and she's like, oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, yeah, it's quite easy to do. Would this include, because you know, I mean, when I really lose myself is when there's free, when it's free. When I go to an event and it's free, I'm like, oh. Like a wedding or something.

I don't know if it, I'm sure it would include that. So this stat, this figure, 62, nearly, I'm going to round it up, 63,000 pounds. Wow. So, I mean,

if you put that in New Zealand currency. 120-ish? Yeah, 120-ish thousand dollars in your lifetime. So it's. 120,000. It's the beers. Divided by.

It's the beers you pulled together as teenagers. The cash you pulled together to buy beers as a teenager, right through to I'm going to say $120,000 divided by $18,000, which is the price of our favourite Prosecco right now. That's $6,666.666 recurring. Amazing that I just hit that. Bottles.

Bottles of Prosecco. But do you think you have a wine at dinner? But you would split that, divide that by how many standard drinks? Seven? Yeah, 958. Yeah, yep. It's a lot, right?

Yep. And this Juno is the same. She looks maybe like she'd be late 30s. Oh, she's 41. Oh, a little casual compliment in there. She looks like she'd be late 30s. Oh, she's 41. I was just in case she's listening.

Yeah, I know. So I went a bit lower, but like she'd be late 30s. Oh, she's 41. I was just in case she's listening. So I went a bit lower, but I would have said early 40s. She was like, this can't be right. And then she estimated her own spending and she's like, okay, yeah, wow, this is a lot of money. It is easy to do. Yeah, I could figure that out. Because also, like, I love to have a drink at home with Aaron

and I love to have, you know, little Proseccos. But I love to go out and have a drink and have a cocktail. I mean, you're talking $20 a blooming drink there. So what if, so say I've got $120,000. How many years from, say, 18 to what would it be? The average lifespan? Well, you slow down. If I'm drinking this much when I'm 76.

You'd be a pickle. God help me. I'll be an absolute shriveled pickle sitting in a rocking chair. There'll be no money left. You'll be in the Ryman. You're not able to pay for your Ryman. They'll evict you. You'll be homeless.

I said this to Aaron the other day because I'm so forgetful and there's Alzheimer's in my family. I was like, well, we all know what's coming. He's like, it's fine. I'll pop you in a home. I was like, what? What? So even if you have 60 years of drinking, that's $2,000 a year.

Oh, easy. Easy, easy. Oh, I'm in trouble. Like, when you think about it and divide it by the numbers, that's just a lot of money. I've got to taper, I think. I've got to taper. Yeah.

I've got to taper from my 20s to my 30s to my 40s. Play. ZM's Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley. Before we get to your story, Hayley, we do have a public apology. Now, you said that Olivia Rodrigo's new song, Bad Idea, right? Yes. Sounds like a band from the 90s called Veruca Soul. And I was like, Veruca Soul?

Just has a 90s vibe. Yeah, rocky, female. And I said Veruca Soul is nothing but a character from Willy Wonka. And that made you think, yeah. It made me doubt myself. I was like, what? I'm sure there was a band called that. But then also, yes, I know Veruca Salt from Willy Wonka.

Oh, here's where the apology comes. So that's Olivia Rodrigo. Yeah. There is a band called Veruca Salt from the 90s and it does sound a lot like Olivia Rodrigo or Olivia Rodrigo sounds a lot like them. So, Fletch, my sincerest apologies. Thank you.

And I say this in front of everyone listening. Thank you. I sincerely apologise for doubting you and making you doubt yourself. It's a great new song, Olivia Rodrigo's new song. Play it this morning. She's on fire. She's on fire.

You've got a bit of a girl crush. I do. I do. I do. Now, if you're travelling overseas like all of our bloody friends at the moment, I've got to say, friend of the show, James,

stop it. He comes back on Tuesday. You're good. No, but I kind of wanted to say because he's staying at my place until he finds a new flat. And you've got to put your undies on. So I've got to put my...

You've got to put your undies on. We're going to talk about this later in the show, but nude sleeping is out the window when I have friends stay. Our silly little poll today, we were chatting about this off air. It's unreal. It's unreal. It's do you sleep nude with pyjamas or do you wear undies under your pyjamas?

Today's results will shock you. They will. Long T's. Long T's. Big window. Yep, big window. That's a triple bif. They will. Long T's. Long T's. Big window. Yep, big window. That's a triple bifold right there. Bifold doors.

Now, if you're heading overseas and you've got a planned trip maybe, check your passport. Because passport waiting times are approaching levels seen just after border reopening. When everyone, like the world was shut down and then everyone, like, the world was shut down. And then everyone was like, hey, it's open. I want to go overseas. I've got to get my passport sorted. Because they're 10 years now.

You get them for 10 years. Yeah, and thank God, because I've mentioned before. You've got a great photo. Stunning. Stunning. I am blonde now, so I don't know how that's going to go. But I guess people wouldn't have checked their passports for a while. They wouldn't have needed them.

Yeah. And then they're freaking out, or they're wanting to go on holiday. And now the wait times are back. So in August 2022, March, June, July, August 2022, it took around 19 days. Yeah. Now it's at least a month. Oh, wow. Okay.

There are so many passports. Like they're processing about 50,000 passports each month. Okay, wow. That's a lot, right? You don't have that many people. There are currently 37,000 passports waiting to be processed. They haven't even started. Each of them takes a month on average.

I mean, you can do multiple at a time. And you don't want to do what I did and have to get an emergency passport and then you're stuck with quite an ugly photo. Thank God that was five years. Yeah, and that costs way more money, too, the emergency passport. So much money.

So get onto that now if you've got some travel end of the year. And also, if you are entering to win Taylor Swift tickets from Monday, we start. We've got a block of A Reserve tickets at her sold-out Sydney show. If you win these tickets, you've got a block of A Reserve tickets at a sold-out Sydney show. If you win these tickets, you've got to have

your passport ready. It would, yeah. We can't send you if you can't go. Starts Monday. So excited about this. You've got to listen for the Taylor Swift songs at 8 o'clock, at midday, and then at 4. If you're the first caller through when that third song plays at 4 o'clock

and you can name all three songs, you win a double pass to see Taylor Swift at her sold out Sydney show. And then you go in the drawer to also win return flights there. Yeah, thanks to Air New Zealand's Grave Seat. So exciting stuff. It all starts Monday. The top six is next on the show. The top six new social media acronyms to look out for. Now that lol is off the table.

It's dead. And a jibber blub is in. Play ZM's Fletchborn and Hayley. From the self-driving ZM think tank, this is the top six. Kia ora. Tēnā koutou. Welcome to the top six.

Now, this is an article from NZ Herald that has basically said that lol is out. Now, I knew lol was out years ago. Yeah. But then people brought it back. And so I was like, I'll use it as a gag lol. Kind of ironically now, right? Yeah.

But now are you? And then it came back into sort of my natural. I still do. When I'm messaging or texting, I'm always a ha ha ha ha ha. Yeah, I am. I'm a ha ha ha ha ha. Love a ha ha ha ha ha.

Or sometimes a ja ja ja ja ja because the H is close to the J. Which is actually okay if you've got Spanish friends because that's how they type ha ha ha. Yeah, yeah,

yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's how they, have you ever heard, that's how they laugh. Ja,

ja, ja, ja, ja. Yes. Because the J sounds like an H in the Spanish language. Ja,

ja, ja, ja, ja, ja, ja, ja, ja, ja, ja, ja, language. Cha-cha-cha-cha-cha. Cha-cha-cha-cha-cha. Cha-cha-cha-cha-cha. So, lol is out, and now, I mean, ruffle's gone. Oh, we don't, nobody's been ruffling. We don't ruffle.

No one's been ruffling for a long time. We barely lameo. No. Lol's gone. Now we itch bowl. Itch bowl. We itch bowl. Okay.

Can you imagine, I-J-B-O-L, I just burst out laughing. Oh, no, that's too long. More reflective. Because you never? I-J-B-O-L. I just burst out laughing. Oh, no. That's too long. More reflective. Because you never laughed your ass off. And you never roll on the floor laughing. You're never bursting. I mean, I guess you do burst. Okay.

Yeah. It's just long. It is long, H-Bowl. LOL. LOL. Also could mean lots of love. Remember when we were our parents? Yeah.

You would always say like, all right, hon, got to go. LOL. Yeah. You'd be like, all right, what's funny? Oh, I just love you. Oh. Was that funny to you what's funny? What's funny? Oh, I just love you. Was that funny to you? Why does that make you laugh? Oh, lots of love.

Yeah. So yeah, we've got to keep up with IJBOL now. Okay, IJBOL. So they're nice and cool. Okay. IJBOL.

IJBOL. So I had the other, the top six other social media acronyms to look out for. Okay. Number six, maybe in the group chat,

you might say like, hey, do you fancy coming out for dinner and drinks? Yeah. And I'll say, niturt. Niturt. Not tonight? N-T-I-R-T.

Not tonight. I'm... No, thanks. I'm really tired. Oh, okay. And I think this is really good for the introvert in all of us, the social introvert that's like, ugh, niturt. Niturt.

Because you have to be able to say it, you have to be able to say it as a word as well. Yeah, yeah, That's the great thing about lol. Yeah. Lol. Number five on the list

of the, excuse me, social media acronyms you now need to look out for. We've been in an event. Yeah. And I've messaged a group saying I'm not feeling too well.

Yeah. And everyone's like, oh man, oh no. Yeah. And then the next day I'll say, tic bin,

tic bin, TCBN. Yeah. And everyone's like, p man, oh no. And then the next day I'll say, tic bin, tic bin, TCBN. Yeah. And everyone's like, phew, Tess came back negative. This is good in the world of COVID. Okay, yeah, yeah, great, yeah. Oh man, you feeling all right? Yeah, I'm feeling a bit rough, but tic bin.

Yep. Tess came back negative. Yeah. Also good after a one night stand. Yeah, yeah, exactly, yeah. She always gets checked. Now this one, if you don't like a long one, buckle in. Someone says, hey, we're going to the beach.

Number four on the top six list of social media acronyms. We're going to the beach. Do you fancy coming? And I'd say, fictim, did you do it? Oh, I don't know if you can say that on the radio. Fictim, did you do it? F-C-T-M-T-J-T-T. Okay.

Can you figure it out? No. Fuel costs too much to justify that trip. Okay, like, do you want to come over this afternoon? Yeah, yeah. That's a distance-based one. Yeah, right, okay. As opposed to number three on the top six new social media acronyms to look out for, cold P.

Cold P? Cold P. So it'd be like, hey, let's go out for dinner, and I'd say, ah, cold P. Cost of living doesn't permit. It's a good one. Okay. I think we'd all be using that one a lot. Yeah.

Number two on the news, top six social media acronyms. ICFO. ICFO. ICFO. Is that like FOMO? This is something we say quite a lot. We'll be like, hey, do you want to come out? I promise myself a quiet one, but ICFO.

I'll come for one. I'll come for one, which is never one. It's never one. It's never one. But your intention has got to be ICFO when you go out. No, no, no. I'll go. Well, I come for one which is never one it's never one it's never one but your intention has got to be when you go out I don't want to miss out

so and number one on the new top six list of social media acronyms to look out for

dig-ta-ta-ta dig-ta-ta-ta dig-ta-ta dig-ta-ta right and this is very relevant people will go oh my god

did you see ZM's Got a new promo Dictator Did you get Tailor tickets Did you get Right Okay yeah

And the answer From Monday Maybe Yes Play ZM's Fletch Vodden

Ailey Play ZM Well there's some news From the tech world People are testing The iPhone Or Apple's new iOS 17 on the iPhone. Yes. Because they're going to release the new iPhone.

What are they up to? September 12th. 15 it'll be. 15. They're up to the 15. So people are testing the software. And they have noticed that normally when you're on a call on the iPhone, you're on the call, you're talking to mum or dad or whatever,

and then you go to hang up, and right down the bottom, in the middle is the hang up button, the big red button. You hang up. Well, people are noticing on the new iOS 17 beta testing, do you say beta or beta? It's beta, right? Beta. Alpha beta.

Yeah. Yeah. That the end call button is now up on the right-hand side in the bottom row where they have all the buttons like mute, keypad, speaker, end call, FaceTime. Now, if I just call you quickly just so I can see this, I just want to know call, where's it going to go? What's it going to replace? Well, I always forget that I put the White Lotus theme song. You rang me the other day when I was late

and I was just skittering along Queen Street and it was like, oh. It's great. So there's six already. It looks like it's replacing contacts. Yeah, because I've never, ever touched that button. No. My life isn't making a call.

Because also, if you're in a call, you're only going to add someone, and there's already an add someone button. So people are a little upset, like you, at this news. Because it's on the right side. Because you're a lefty. For those who didn't know, oh, my God, Hayley's a lefty. It makes so much sense when you think about who I am as a person. It does. Absolute chaos. Yeah. But, yeah, God, Hayley's a lefty. It makes so much sense when you think about who I am as a person. It makes so much sense.

Absolute chaos. Yeah. But yeah, because I hold mine in my left hand generally. That's why I've got sort of lumps and bumps all over my fingers. My pinky's probably going to get arthritis from propping under it like that. Yeah. But when I call, it's in the middle. But if I have to stretch up and right, do you see how janky that is for me now?

Yeah, that's a long way. Look at that, as opposed to if it was here. Unless they're going to make an accessibility menu function where you can move it to the left. Well, it's like on your watch how you can say on the left you're a righty or here's my dominant hand. Yeah. But also people are not happy because it's changed

and it's always been in the middle in the centre for iPhone users. It's not a great change. It's not something like, oh, that's going to make life so much better or this is so exciting. Is it better for a right-handed person? Because it's literally right there for your thumb. It's where your thumb rests. You're like this, you're on your ear

or you've got, yeah, it's literally like, boop. It's right there for a right-handed. Heaven forbid, as a human race, we had to go hinge the thumb right down. We're getting far out. We're getting lazy. Oh, my God. We're getting that lazy that they're moving the hang up button.

So that'll be out when the new iOS 17 is out by the looks of it. Oh, I have to reach. I have to reach from the H to the A. Can we make that easier? We're going to get custom keyboards for the words that we type the most and have all those letters so close. Because, heaven forbid, our fingers moved

more than they needed to. Play. ZM's Fletchvorn and Hayley. I have divulged some terrible dating terms on this show. You have. Fubbing. I don't even remember which that one was. What was fubbing?

When you're on your phone but you're not, you're snobbing someone. Yeah. You listen to me. I do listen. I listen. What was kerflailing?

Kerflailing was when you were on a date and you had your kites in the air but the wind dipped and they flailed. And it was an analogy for your relationship. It starts flying high,

but if you don't keep putting wind behind it, it starts dropping down. If you don't keep blowing, the air won't keep the kite up. What about oxcording? Oxcording. That is when you add music to spice your relationship. Honestly, you could do it to anything.

Or bring a DJ into the bedroom. What is lanyarding? Lanyarding. It's when it's, if you forget it too much, you won't have access in. Yes. So you're only going to stay outside. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

If you need to lanyard someone, you want to let them inside. If you close your heart off. And you give them access. Yeah. See, you can to let them inside. If you close your heart off. And you give them access. Yeah. See, you can make anything a dating term. Literally, red penning. No, we could just go on forever.

There's a new one, vulturing, that is circling the internet. Okay, so vultures circle. They get the roadkill. They get the seconds. Yep. That's kind of what it is. So vulturing, if you want to be a vulture, Urban Dictionary describes it as the act of staying in the shadows,

awaiting the romantic failure of an acquaintance so as to exploit the leftovers. Oh, my God. Sloppy seconds. That is ruthless. Sloppy seconds. But then if you really like someone and they're already with someone, then you'd kind of have them on the back burner, right? And then you would swoop in You're vulturing

You're vulturing Oh my god, that is ruthless So maybe that's someone Maybe it could be a friend Or yeah, you're into the person And you're kind of hanging around They've struck up a relationship with someone else You're vulturing

You're on the outsides You're flying around Staying in the shadows You're just like doing that thing Where they're really high And they just put the wings out and they just glide. Yeah, they look like a glider. Yeah.

They're gliding. You're gliding for a little bit. And then you just look down and you're like, oh, no. You see the relationship's dead. Yeah. Ah! Yeah. Down you go.

Swoop in. To eat up the seconds. I mean, I think you should probably wait at least an hour. They did say it's a bit of a waiting game. Yeah, you've got to wait a little bit before you swoop in and eat the seconds. They say that maybe if you're vulturing a relationship, that relationship might end up being quite successful and you'll never find the opportunity to strike.

That's when you need to glide off and find a new partnership to vulture for a while. Yeah, okay. Yeah. I don't think I've ever had any vultures circling my relationship with Aaron. I would say you were vulturing Jason Momoa when he was in a relationship. And now he's back in New Zealand. I'm ready to pounce. Now, there is a woman on TikTok. Sorry, I'm just looking at flights.

$69 sounds crashy. Nice. Hayley. Now, there is a woman on TikTok. Sorry, I'm just looking at flights. $69 sounds crashy. Nice. Hayley just turned the screen around, pointed at 69 and was like, just nodded. It's like, we're on here. Have some professionalism. It's all gone. I'm just having too much fun. I'm having too much fun.

It's nice. Looking forward to the weekend. Looking forward to Monday. Now, there is a woman on TikTok. Her name is Lily. She's 25 years old and she only just discovered something about her family. Her parents lied to her as a child. Okay. Now her whole life she's

believed when she was about eight years old that her father was sent away for work. He went overseas for work for six months. Okay. Just something she's always known. Like yeah, there was a period of my life when my dad went overseas for work. I'm not sure what he did for work, but it was like a corporate job. When you're eight years old, you don't really say,

why would he need to go overseas, mum? Yeah. Only recently, she went home for her mother's birthday. Only recently did it come out that her father was not posted off for six months to work. They actually split up. What? They split up and he moved away. He was in the same town living in like a hotel or another apartment.

Right. He didn't go to the mines or to the big smoke in Sydney. Nope. He was literally in the same town. Oh, my God. But again, when you're eight years old, you're not going to be wandering around. You don't just run into your dad, do you? No.

Yeah. They split up and the mum was like, nope, you can't see it. Like, this is the story. Because he's overseas. I don't want to like get into he's overseas. I don't want to get into it with her. I don't want to upset her youth with this. Let's just see what happens.

Six months later, mum and dad get back together and the lie continued for a whole life. She's 25 years old, only just found this out. And so the parents are still together now. And they're like, yeah, we just had this six month split. That is wild. This woman really believes her whole life that her parents had a long, happy, healthy relationship.

But no. But no. It was a little six-month blip in which Daddy had to go away for a bit. I think Daddy might have had another mummy. Daddy may have been a bit naughty. Maybe Daddy went away with another mummy for a little bit. So they worked it out and they're still together. Still together now.

And it only just came out recently at a birthday. You've got to start the counter again when you get back together. You haven't been together for 20 years. You've been together for seven and 14. Yeah, there you go. You know what I mean? Yeah. So I wanted to know what is the,

like if anything like this has ever happened to you, what is the lie that your parents told you? And why maybe if you ever found it out? I why, maybe, if you ever found it out. I mean, well, you would have found it out, otherwise you won't know it's a lie, would you? Yeah, maybe that burn mark on your leg isn't a birthmark. It's a burn mark. Yeah.

Because your parents burnt you but just told you it was a birthmark. Yeah, I'd be like, I've got a birthmark. Oh, my God, I've got one too. Be like, why is it shiny? Maybe that dent in your head is because your mum dropped you when you were two but she only told you when you were 22. No, I was told I ran into a table. That's right.

You've got the golf club mark. I've got the golf club, but maybe. You remember that? Yeah. No, I don't remember it at all. Oh, my God. I could be lying to you. Maybe your mum just dropped you on a bench.

Or I was submitted to a lab for experiments, and they went in through my cheek. But whatever it is, did you find out a lie later in life that your parents had always told you as a kid? But maybe they also told you a lie just because it's easier, you know? Like a white lie.

A white lie and you're just like, yeah. Rather than explain this to you, I'm just going to tell you this and they never unexplained it to you. Do you know what a big one would be? Where the family pet's gone. It hasn't gone to a farm. Yeah.

But you'd figure that out yourself, right? When my two cats died, my parents told me straight up, but I think when my mum and dad first got together, they had a kitten and my dad ran over it. He backed over it. And I think he might have tried to lie his way out of it for a bit. I know. He didn't mean to.

He didn't mean to. Obviously he didn't mean to. He didn't mean to. Obviously he didn't mean to. Right, little cat. Fletch just tried to convince me off-air that New Plymouth is a metropolis because you can fly there direct from Christchurch. You can. It's a metropolis. It's a big city.

I'm sure you can, but it doesn't make it a metropolis. We spent a few days there and you had a sold-out comedy show. And it's a great city. I'm back in New Plymouth next weekend, by the way. It's a great city. I can't wait. It's a metropolis. Not a metropolis.

Anyway, right now we are taking your calls and your texts about the lie you discovered your parents had told you for a long time. Because there's a woman on TikTok who shared that she only recently found out that six months her dad's been overseas on a work trip. When she was like, what, eight, you said? Eight years old. It was actually her parents had split. And never told her.

Got back together and just went, like, let's not disturb the youth. Let's let her grow up thinking her parents are flawless and happy. It's good to know that, you know, they're not flawless. Absolutely. I mean, I guess you grow up as an adult. Nothing's perfect. I know. I don't like to hear it.

I remember my mum telling me some stories. I think my parents have the most beautiful marriage, right? And then every now and then she'd tell me stories like, God, I remember thinking your father was an app. And I was like, oh, I don't want to hear it. Because you've got this perfect dream kind of, yeah, right. Yeah. Okay.

Hey, someone messaged saying, hey, Hayley, we've got matching golf scars. Took a golf club to the face and got a scar. Really? There you go. All right, well, we want to take your calls first. 0800 dials it in. Salma Jane, good morning. Morena, how are you?

Good, good, thank you. What was the lie your parents told you? Well, apparently I was born with a diamond in my eye. Okay. Yep, yep, yep. And it wasn't until I was 18 and I went to the optometrist and it turns out it's a cataract. You got a cataract when you were born?

Wait, I thought they were just saying because you were cute, they were like, you've got a diamond in your eye. She's got a real sparkle. You've got a real sparkle. Oh, yeah, that too, that too. How old were you when you were told you had diamonds in your eyes? Oh, well, I don't know. I guess when I could understand. But what

happened was when I was born, I actually was born with a hole in my pupil, like it was significant, like they could see it. And then, so they were concerned about it, so they took me to, I don't know, what you take your baby to, probably an optometrist. And then, yeah, it turns out it was a hole. But the doctors weren't worried

about it. And so, you know, obviously it was noticeable. So my parents were like, oh, you've got a diamond in your eye. You were born with it. And there was this day at school. I know, funny. There was this day at school and it was what's special about you and we were going around in a circle. I think I was like five or six and I was like peaking with excitement. I was excitedness. You're the only one with a diamond

in your eye. A real life diamond. Everyone was like, I've got a cat or I just got a new doll and I was like, oh my gosh, I've got a diamond in my eye. This is going to be sick. And then it got to me and I was like, I just got a new doll. And I was like, oh my gosh, I've got a diamond in my eye. Like, this is going to be sick. And then it got to me and I was like, I've got a diamond in my eye. And I was born with it.

And everyone was like, whoa. And probably the teachers were like, the teachers were probably like, oh, cute. She thinks she's got a diamond in her eye. And I was like, no, this is legit. This is actual legit. And then when I was 18, I went to the optologist, and they're like, oh, you've got a cataract.

And I rung my mum. Oh, actually, and when I was in that appointment, I said to them, no, not a cataract. It's a diamond. At 18, you say, I think you'll find, sir or ma'am. I fully believed it. I fully believed it. I was like, it's a diamond, actually.

Do you mean a precious stone formed under intense pressure in the earth? Not within the human body. Absolutely. Absolutely. And then... Did the person at OPSM go, sure, hon, sure? Sure, hon, aka cataract. Yeah.

Well, actually, it was spec savers. Oh, spec savers, I apologise. There you go. Yeah. No, it's all good. Oh, wow. Yeah, no, it was quite the laugh. And then I rang my mum And I was like

Yo Yo You lied to me woman You lied to me mum Oh my gosh Yeah yeah yeah Oh incredible And she was like

Bab No Well we've been to the doctors It was just whole It was fine It was fine It was a diamond It was a diamond

I'm going to give you The caller of the week Yeah same I love it $50 McCafe Thanks to our mates At McCafe Because that is just The cutest darn story I love it. $50 at McCafe in Belcher. Yay! Thanks to our mates at McCafe, because that is just the cutest darn story. I love it. She's 18

telling an optometrist, no. It is a diamond. So good. Selma Jean, wait there. Let's go to Kelsey. Kelsey, good morning. What was the lie your parents told you? So it's a little bit sad. We had a cat that ran away and obviously, you know, being kids, that was really

upsetting for us. And probably about 10 years later as adults, we're sort of talking about our animals. And my mum said that actually the cat got stuck in the dryer chute when we were on holiday. And she had to pull it out of there. So that was quite sad. Oh my God. And it was a lie that it ran away? Yeah, a lie that it ran away. And I think what's happened is opened a whole lot of stories

that mum's told us that now we're like, I think we should question mum about this. Oh, my gosh, she's a bloody liar the whole life. The whole life. Big fat liar. Oh, God, and the dryer chute. And the dryer chute. Oh, no.

She's like, why is the laundry so stinky? Also, I just wouldn't want to know. I'd never want to know. I didn't want to know as a kid, definitely. I think as adults, you guys can know this information. But when she pulled it out, I don't know where we would have been.

I don't know. Maybe she sent us out of the house. She's like, go to the park with Dad. Yeah. Oh, that's horrible. And for you to find out as an adult later. Kelsey, thank you. Jeremy, what was the lie your parents told you?

My one was about my sister's horse. Okay. Was it stuck in the dryer chute? How did it get in the dryer chute? Jesus. No, when my sister was about 15, her horse died. And we lived on an orchard. Dad pulled out the rotary hoe and dug up a big square on the ground

and said that he buried the horse. And then we all knew, the rest of the family knew that that was a lie, but we also couldn't tell my sister. Yeah. On her 30th birthday, Dad gives a speech and confesses to everybody and her for the first time that he had, in fact, taken the horse to the local dog food factory. Shut up.

Shut up. Oh, my God, Jeremy, shut up. Are you kidding me? Are you kidding me? Are you kidding me? Absolutely not. 100% true. Oh, my God. But she thinks it's been buried on the farm.

Yes, yep, absolutely. Right, okay. How was she when she found out that news as an adult? Oh, she was like, did you know? Did you know? Who knew? How does everybody else know but not me? Oh, that is brutal.

Was she dark with the family for a while? Oh, yes, but like in an entertaining way. Yeah, okay. Oh, my God. I would not. I would never forgive. You'd be so dark. Jeremy, thank you.

Some text messages to finish. Oh, my God. So many. Oh, God. That was a bit dark. Oh, God. I'm trying to finish. Oh my God, so many. Oh God, that was a bit dark. Oh God, I'm trying to find. My friend told her son at six years old that her father went away

for work for two years. He actually went to prison. There you go. Wow. I mean, what would you do though? That would be the best way to do it, right? Yeah.

And then, but wouldn't the son be like, why is dad not calling? Yeah, probably. My nan and granddad went from sleeping in the same bed to different rooms, which is quite normal for old people. I asked why Mum and Nan said because he snores too loud. I later found out that they just weren't together anymore,

but it would be too hard for him to move out. So that split. How many old couples did that? Yeah, I know. I cannot stand you, but what are you going to do? My Dad had been married previously and divorced. Mum only told me after he passed away. I was 28 when I found out.

A lot of people are finding out that their pets might have been on the dinner plate. When I was younger, I had a pet pig called Daisy. Every day after school, we used to take apples and carrots up and go and feed Daisy. It was the happiest moment of my day. Then one day I was told that

Daisy had gone to live at another farm because she needed to have friends and other pigs to hang out with. And then we were sitting there eating pork chops for dinner and I said to mum that these are really nice and then mum said, and then I said, and mum said in a jokey voice, yeah, you can really taste all the apples and the

carrots, can't you? And then I said yes. And then it clocked. And I never ate pork again. I love my own dark sense of humour. Yes, delicious pork isn't it darling? Really has a hint of apple and carrot. We're very excited

to have in Studio 2 of New Zealand's most popular, well-loved, talented actors, Timiwera Morrison, Robyn Malcolm. Welcome. Thank you. Thank you for that introduction. Oh, wow. I mean it wholeheartedly.

Wow. Wow, that was quite an intro. I know. I'm humbled. You better say something profound. No, it's not over to you. Say something talented. Yeah, but please be talented.

You've got a pen at the ready. Are you taking notes? I do take notes now. Yeah, it's not over to you. Say something talented. Yeah, but please be talented. You've got a pen at the ready. Are you taking notes, Tim? I do take notes now. Yeah, good. In case of my memory. Okay. Yeah, well, fair enough. What's your name?

Fletch. Yeah, you got it. I'm writing those down, so it sounds good. But thank you very much for having us. Robin and I have been having a ball. It was this time last year. We really worked up north,

90 Mile Beach. What a beautiful part of New Zealand. Yeah, incredible spot. Shipwrecks Bay on a beautiful New Zealand morning, sun coming up. They've got a left-hand surf break there. Nothing like it. Pink sky. Beautiful.

A 20-metre walk to work. Yes. The dream. When this happened, this is based on a true story. Yes, back in 2016. Yes. When this happened, I think we all said true story. Yes, back in 2016. Yes. When this happened, I think we all said this would make a great miniseries,

and I am so happy that it happened because... Far North is a six-part miniseries about it. Yes. Well, David White, the writer, director, producer, everythinger. Very talented man. When he heard the story, he literally jumped in his car and drove north. Wow. He went, I know there's more to this story than what we're seeing in the media. Oh, so he interviewed like locals and stuff?

He went. Knocked on the door of the people that Robin and I play. Knocked on their door. Wow. Sat down and actually stayed probably the whole week. Wow. Because I heard that you guys got to meet the real people. Yeah, they were right amongst.

We actually filmed a lot of it in their neighbourhood, in their house, and they were always around us every day. And it was a great reference for us as actors. Oh, it was beautiful. And we used their, like their dogs became, were definitely part of the story. So they were there with their dogs every day and they were on the beach with us every day

and they were in the house with us every day. And it was something that I found what was so beautiful about having them there because they're the most stunningly gorgeous couple and this thing about them that is they're the people that you go to when you need help, those guys. And I felt the one thing that we had to do was do them justice. Yeah, of course. For those that don't know, tell us the story about the six-part miniseries.

It's based on a true story. Based on a true story. Back in 2016, a little boat left Hong Kong, came sailing down here. They were supposed to drop off a package 12 kilometres out of 90 Mile Beach with a beacon on it. Things went wrong even on the journey. There's a big Chinese element in the series where they're speaking Mandarin and that's a drama in itself, what happened on the boat,

on the whole delivery thing. Then they're supposed to pick it up and then there's Australian Tongans turned up here, there's New Zealand Tongans, there's a Maori. And it all unfolded. Things went wrong. They didn't know how to drive a boat, for example. They didn't know anything about tides. They didn't know how to launch a Maori. And it all unfolded. Things went wrong. They didn't know how to drive a boat, for example. They didn't know anything about tides. They didn't know how to launch a boat.

They didn't know how the tide goes out and it's only sand there for half the day. Things like that. It was a big parcel of what? Meth, wasn't it? And they were meant to go and get it from half a billion dollars. Because it's a comedy of errors. It absolutely is And what's kind of brilliant about it

I think is that the three separate stories Which is the story Of the Chinese people Delivering it from Hong Kong I think Their story, which is actually Quite a dangerous story Because these drug lords over there

They're scary people, you know. So these guys are basically doing a job to stay alive. Then you've got us two in Ahipara who are just having our life and just helping locals out. Then you've got these drug opportunists who come up from Auckland and Australia to make a lot of money who don't really know what they're doing. I think no one knows.

It's kind of polite. Yeah. And it's dangerous but really bloody funny. Yeah. My fiancé is actually in it, Aaron Courtesy. He plays a very small role. Oh! You see him.

Yeah, Greg Roe from Nova. Greg Roe from Nova, as we call it. Does he knock on their door and ask if you want to sign up for. Her fiancé. Tall curly-haired man. Yeah. He steals the show. He's the neighbour everybody wants. I'm going to tell you, he's a fabulous actor. Great job too. Yeah, he

just had an absolute blast working on it and being up north, as you say, just stunning. It was. Couldn't stop talking about the fish and chips. Yeah, beautiful. Every day he kept sending me pictures of fish and chips. Yeah, it was quite funny because every now and then, of course, the catering budget wasn't that great. So I'd see the driver going past.

I'd go, bro, bro, come here. Where are you going? Where are you going? Oh, I've got to go pick up Robin Muggle. No, you're not. You're going to the fish and chips place. Two scoops. Two fish and some chips, please.

One battered, one crumbed. Yeah, Triskin way. And get yourself a hot dog. Oh, my God. Don't worry about Robin. She'll be all right. Now, is it a blast being back together? It's been a while since you guys reunited, since shorty days.

Yeah, no, very easy. We had a lot of respect for each other back in the day, as you say. We hung out together. We were neighbours for a little while there in Devonport as well, so we're good friends. Robin's such a beautiful actor too. A number of times I said, Robin, what shall I do here? Give me a bit of advice here.

And she'd say, well, you're either on the horse or you're off the horse. I said, Robin. Robert Mitchum. That's a great quote. I'm on a tractor. That's what she said. Well, you're either on the tractor or you're off the tractor. Okay.

Okay. Well, I'll think about that and I'll see how the scene goes. Some good advice. You know, I've actually, one of my favourite acting quotes is from you, Tim. I went to Toy Fakari and you came and visited us. And one of the students, this was many years ago, and one of the students said, Tim, Tim, how do you warm up?

And I'll never forget you said, I don't warm up, I'm always simmering. That's right. And it's one of my favourite things that I always say to people. How do you warm up? I'm like, nah, you've got to keep it simmering like 10. Remember the old ovens? Yeah.

So it's easy to go from simmering to hot. Because in our business, it's all about temperature. Yeah. You're hot or you're not. Yeah. So true. So it's best to be simmering. So you're on the tractor or you're off the tractor.

Well, the six parts, it's a comedy of errors. It's an incredible story. Monday the 14th. Next Monday. It starts on Monday, TV3. Yeah. 8.30. 8's a comedy of errors. It's an incredible story. Monday the 14th. Next Monday. It starts on Monday, TV3. 8.30. 8.30 p.m. I cannot wait.

You will be riveted. You will be taken on a journey. Even the landscape up north. Oh, a train. Even that's a character in itself. Just a small town beach, shipwrecks bay. Wonderful ensemble cast. These wonderful Polynesian, Maori actors coming through now.

The Chinese, they're speaking Mandarin. They're really organic. I really felt sorry for them. And David's just done a wonderful job of putting this together. And there's, yeah, I'm looking forward to it. And you can smash the whole six episodes, I think, in one go. Oh, thank you. That's how we like to watch.

We love to binge. I might have made that up. Oh, well,. That's how we like to watch. We love to binge. I might have made that up. Oh, well, we're going to hold you to it, Robin. Robin, Tim, thank you so much. What a treat for us. Pleasure. Lovely to see you. Play. ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley. It's the

final ranking. Good lord. Well, Vaughan's not here today. He's sick. He'll be back Monday after he's fully rested up. Yeah, I think it was good for him to take this week. Heal the man flu. Let it become a normal flu. It's a serious thing, the man flu.

Do you know what it actually is? Yeah, it actually is a thing. It hits some people hard. Today's final rankings. Normally we'll rank food things. Yeah, but I don't feel like thinking about food at the moment, but I think I'm going to get a brioche. Oh, so you do want to think about food.

I think I'm going to get a brioche, guys. Today's final rankings, and this comes to us because here at work, with the email, and a lot of workplaces would use Microsoft Outlook, they have just changed the font. Sprung it on us. They just changed the font. Sprung it on us. They just changed the font. Sprung it on us. We were all just, we all sent emails every day to each other.

Yeah. And then one day I was typing and I was like, excuse me? It's a real, it's a real subtle, subtle change. Like you, you, like I noticed it, but I didn't. Like it's shorter. Until somebody pointed it out. I was like, you know what? I did notice that the other day when I typed an email.

I was like, I thought it was different, but I didn't know. Because I'll copy and paste a lot of stuff, so sometimes it changes to that font. But they have changed the default font to... It's shorter. Do you know what it's called, the new default? I don't know. Shorter version. It's like...

Oh, this one's Aptos. Aptos. Aptos. I've never heard of that in my life. It's not bad. It's just a very neutral, sort of smooth, rounded, shorter font. Well, and today we're going to rank our favourite fonts. Because my favourite is, I think, what it used to be, Calibri.

Yeah, I do. If I'm writing a letter or a script or a text or something, Calibri is my go-to. Or a Tahoma. Get out. It's like a text or something. Calibri is my go-to. Or a Tahoma? Get out. It's like a Calibri. No, Tahoma sucks. Why does Tahoma suck? No, Tahoma. Ugh, get a grip. Tahoma's like Calibri but a bit spacer. I'm sorry. You were absolutely

I think you've forgotten Papyrus. I think you've forgotten Comic Sans. Papyrus, is that the Avatar? Papyrus is the Avatar font which is so embarrassing. One of the most expensive films in the world is Papyrus is that the avatar papyrus is the avatar font which is so embarrassing one of the most expensive films in the world is papyrus

and then what did they like run out of money to make a font their own font just use bloody word papyrus or like when you see a hairdresser

and they've got a comic sans or a papyrus you're like no my favourite is a cafe with jester font or comic sans yeah comic sans or jester yeah well the plumber turns up in his plumbing van You're embarrassing yourself. My favourite is a cafe with Jester font. Or Comic Sans.

Yeah, Comic Sans or Jester. Well, the plumber turns up in his plumbing van and it's like, Jim's Plumber. Oh, no, because he's actually like a Jim's franchise, isn't he? Yeah, John's. Dave or John's Plumbing and it's in Comic Sans. Yeah. It's embarrassing.

I'm going to put in a big effort behind Courier New. Now, that we are allowed to use on Instagram even. When you're doing your stories, you can use effort behind Korean New. Now that we are allowed to use on Instagram even. When you're doing your stories you can use a Korean New. Okay I might go for

that as my three but I normally don't like a font with a, you call it a serif right? Like a flex. Like a Times New Roman. Which apparently is

when you're like, if you were making posters or advertising those attract the eyes more. Really? Yeah. Well I'm looking at all the posters and advertising, those attract the eyes more. Really? Yeah. Well, I'm looking at all the posters and advertising we've got in here,

not a serif to be seen. That's why you flicked right off those, didn't you? You looked right past it. Yeah, I didn't even see. I was like, what, tailor tickets? Can't even see it. ZM. What is that?

Maybe we need to put a flick on our ZM. I think we do. Should we set ZM serif? ZM serif. ZM serif. Can we get that done, team? Well, we've got multiple shakings of the head, no. Okay, right.

I would go a Courier News in there. Now, I do love a Wingdings. And look, I know it's more of a nostalgia thing, but I love a Wingdings. When you used to send each other coded notes, you'd send your friends coded notes. Yeah, and then highlight all. Yeah.

Wingdings, send it to them, and then highlight all. Yeah. Wingdings. Send it to them and then highlight all Times New Roman because that was the only font of my time growing up, Times New Roman. And then, yeah,

wingdings. Like you were some kind of World War II code cracker. That's right. Yeah. Jester does make me laugh. Jester makes me laugh.

I don't know, am I voting for what I'm using or what really tickles me? Because if we're going tickles me, I'm going Courier New and third. Yep. I'm going Wingdings and second. And I'm going Jester Font number one.

I won't hear another word about it. Jester Font. I'm going Calibri number one to Homer number two times. No, what did you say? Courier New. Someone's messaging about Ariel. Get a personality. Get a personality.

Like, use Calibri is a nicer aerial. It's a squishier aerial. Well, someone said the Aptus is just a slightly lighter, squishier aerial.

Ouh, Calibri. Ouh, Calibri. Like, ouh, they like Calibri? That wasn't following

on from the, they just hate it. No, Ouh, Calibri. Oh, really? Now,

someone said from a teacher, Quicksand. Quicksand font is... I don't have that here. Oh, that's nice. That's nice. Oh, that's nice.

That's nice. That's nice. It's got a lot of space around it, a lot of air around it. Very round letters as well. Fuck, thank you as well. Fuck. Thank you. Thank you, Mrs. Teacher.

But I'm sticking with Jester, sorry. Yeah, okay. Someone said Cambria in italics. Only if you're emphasizing a point. No. Yeah, I'm not a fan of italics. And people that send me an email and they underline something like, Hey, dummy. Oi, pay attention to this.

Yeah, check out this underlined. Check out this because this is important. I'll decide what's important. Why are you being so aggressive? So are we saying, hang on, am I deducing from this that we're saying that Courier New is our winning font because it's on both of our lists? Yes. Wow.

I mean, we could be here all day debating this. People are very passionate. Wow. Now, we've just had quite a pass-ag message here from producer Jared. We underline

because so many people don't know how to read emails. Oh! Play ZM's Fletchford and Ailey. Play ZM. I'm just opening up my inbox because we have received a message on Instagram from a listener who wants our help. Now this is, I think people are going to have an opinion on this because this is, I've got one. This is very juicy. Does my shock you? Yeah. The message is hi FVH. Hoping you can help me with a little issue I'm facing with my current partner. We've been together for about six months and I can see myself being with him long term.

Congratulations, Fred. Congrats. However, there's an issue. He recently admitted to me that he had cheated on a partner in the past when he was, quote, younger and dumber. His words. Okay. We have an incredible relationship and he's never given me any reason not to trust him.

But after his mission of cheating in the past, I can't seem to get it out of my head. Okay. And Peter, Peter Pumpkin Eater? Does she believe that? And Liar, Liar, Pants on Fire. Yep, okay. She believes all three. So now I'm struggling with the idea of staying with a man who this might apply to. Am I in the wrong for wanting to break it off with my partner

because of his past? So wait, did she say how long they've been together? Six months. Okay. So it's fresh, but its roots are growing. You know what I mean? Also, okay, if someone asks you, have you cheated in a past relationship,

you obviously say no, right? Yeah, but if you can end up being that person forever... Here's my opinion. I don't believe in once a cheater always a cheater. You believe people can change. I absolutely do. I think his own words of being younger and dumber. I think when you're younger, hormones are different. You're not as educated. You're not making

as smart a decisions. You're not making lifelong decisions. And people just do stupid things. Yeah. Like, I know people that, like, are now, like, happily married and stuff. And I know that, like, in the past, those people were, like, cheetah-cheetah pumpkin eaters.

I know some do-it bags with kids in a marriage. But it does make me think, like, oh, they haven't cheated on them. Or have they? I don't know. I just think people can change. Or have they? I don't know. I just think people can change. I feel like, I don't know, I have a bigger broader view on monogamy as a whole.

You're probably not there. Let's not get into that. Yeah, I mean, you're quite willing to bring in Jessamyn Muller to your relationship. Well, here's the thing. I've been with Aaron for 12 years and I'm not saying I cheated on him, but I'm just saying I would with permission

with a certain person, a certain people. But I do not believe once a cheater, always a cheater. I don't know. I just never have. So you think they should just talk this out? I think you need a voice. I would go, someone's sending in other rhymes. I can't say that on air.

I think you should voice your concern and say, here, this is something I've always believed. I don't, you haven't given me reason to think that you're going to do this to me, but I need you to know that this is a concern for me. And let them reassure you. You have to turn fine friends on. Yeah.

And I get your phone password. No, that's not trust. That's not trust. That's not what trust looks like. I think we'd love to take some calls on this. Have you been in this situation? Because, yeah, I mean, you've either got to break it off or it's going to do your head in.

That's right. Or you've just got to talk about it and just go trust them. You've just got to trust them. Someone's already messaged in. You cannot hold someone's past against them. It may not be the same, but you've no doubt got some demons in your past too. We've all done things that we're not proud of.

And it's just that this one thing is a bit of a trigger for this person. Someone else, she needs to get over it. People can definitely change, especially if it was years ago when he was younger, like he said. Okay, well, 0800DARLS.N, we want to take your calls now. Maybe you've been in this situation or you can offer some great advice. Text through 9696. Let's give this girlie some advice on what she should do here.

Should she break it off or move past it? But for now, we've received a message from a listener who wants some help from us and you. She's in a relationship. She's been with him for six months.

He recently divulged that he has cheated in the past and now she's like, oh, I don't know. That's a big no-no for me. Now we want to know, she wants to know,

should I stick with it and, you know, move past it or do I stick with my gut and go, once a cheater it and move past it, or do I stick with my gut and go, once a cheater, always a cheater, I'm out. Now, Jared answered a call from a listener. He's just answering calls at the moment. She said that she's cheated on every partner she's been with.

Except the, what did she say? Except the current partner. But she didn't want to come on air. No. Fair enough. Cheated on every partner except her current partner and they're very much in love. You wouldn't cheat on someone you didn't want to come on air. No, no. Oh, fair enough. Fair enough, yeah. Cheated on every partner except her current partner, and they're very much in love. You wouldn't cheat on someone you didn't love. Aw.

Aw. Listen to the romantic Shannon in the corner there. Wow. You really love them. All right, let's take some calls. Claire, what do you think? Hey, yeah, I think she should stick with it because I'm not proud.

I cheated in the past, and I've only cheated once, and I felt like I cheated on this person because I truly deep down didn't love them, which is not nice, but it's honest, being, like, true to myself. And then I've met now my husband, and I told him like I think like a month

into our relationship and he was like this person that takes through like not really not happy with that but I tried to reassure him

like I could just never do this to you because this is different I like I love you and I know like

this is a different kind of relationship this is like love but what about like This is, like, love. Yeah. But what about, like, in a year if you're a bit more over it and, like, the hot trainer at the gym just does that thing where he pushes the small of your back down? Oh, yeah. And then you're just like, hmm.

You're like, man, my hammies are tight today. Cuave. I mean, you go to a chiropractor and just kind of, I don't know, I think if it's real love, you just wouldn't cheat. And you know how that feeling feels when you do cheat. So it's kind of a good test of the relationship. Yeah. Okay.

Yeah, that's what I think. Yeah, well, good for you. Thank you for your honesty. I really appreciate it. Yeah, you told your boyfriend, so this is a month, and how long have you been together since you told him that? We've been together for coming up seven years,

and we've been married for a whole year. There you go. That's a perfect working example. Yeah. And it was really good for our relationship being open and honest. Like, that's probably one of the most nastiest things to say to someone, but I think that really helps with communication too.

So I think this person should stick through it. I think this is a good one. Okay. Amazing. Claire's so good. She's very articulate, isn't she? So good. Charlotte, what do you think she should do? Okay, I think she should stick with it too, but I had a

personal experience of this woman who's texted and she hasn't had an experience of being cheated on, whereas I have. I had a personal experience of this woman who's texted in, she hasn't had an experience of being cheated on, whereas I have. I met a guy on Bumble about three years ago, and we got off to a great relationship, but a couple of months into that relationship, I got a message on Messenger,

and it was from a girl that she thought she was in a relationship with the guy I was seeing. And she sent me a picture of him half naked. And so I ended up asking her to call me because I'm like, what is going on? Yeah. It turns out that she believed she was still in a relationship with him, provided probably about 200 evidential photos, and some of them were quite explicit. Calm down. It's not a high court trial. Calm down. probably about 200 evidential photos and some of them were quite explicit.

Calm down. It's not a high court trial. Calm down. Wow. Oh my God. She was heartbroken. Yeah. And I was heartbroken.

So we kind of bonded over that. And so, but he, I put it to him and he tried to kind of shrug it off and say, oh, no, like, she's a brand, and I used to be with her, and we broke up. But that, it wasn't really the case. And we kept going, him and I, but that sense of betrayal never really left me. And I ended up, I think he really loved me, and we could have made it work, but I just couldn't get past that betrayal and the secrecy because he had lied and said he'd met her in the street. Yeah, this was... If lies lead to more lies, then I'm going ding, ding, ding.

I said to him, where did you meet her? And he said, oh, in the street. But she told me she met him on Tinder, and I'm like, always believe in money, always believe the woman. Yeah, flags away. And he ended up, full confession, I made him apologise to her for everything he'd put her through as well. Men, eh? Yeah, slacks away. Men, eh?

Am I right? Like, no wonder they weren't all nominated for the VMAs this year. Am I right? Am I right? You're not wrong, babe. You're not wrong. Charlotte, thanks for your call. Some messages in to finish.

Just remember, it will always be in the back of your mind. Can you live with that? Will you, as the texter-inner, move past this situation because it's really, it's he can't change, you know, his opinion but you can you know, anyway it's a bit weird. Don't break it off, he made a mistake. Hopefully

he learned and grew from it. Back yourself he's lucky to have you. I'm a past cheater. I've been with my fiance, the father of my kids for five years. I would never imagine doing that to him as our family. People can change. Yeah. I'm a clinical psychologist. Oh, welcome.

Welcome, no my, hi to my. And I agree with what Hayley said. Oh, look at his smug face. People can definitely change. My best friend is a case in point. He used to cheat on his partners all the time, but is completely loyal now. He tells me everything. To a friend is a case in point. He used to cheat on his partners all the time, but is completely loyal now. He tells me everything.

To a clinical psychologist, I would too. Also like, you know, like my father. Wow. I think the majority of these messages are saying, I've been through this. Same shit experience with me early in relationship. I tried to park it. I was told he was a cheater.

And trust that he would never do it again as he expressed his regret and his growth from it. Two years later, after we built a house and a life together, neck minute he cheats. And I will say

she has written neck minute he cheats. Neck minute, okay. And I appreciate the humour on such a sad topic. Play. ZM's Fletch Vaughan and Hayley. Fact of the day, day, day, day, day.

Today's fact of the day is that, and I've done this real quick over the break. Today's fact of the day is that, and I've done this real quick over the break. Okay. Today's fact of the day is I've seen this on a great Reddit thread. Okay. And then I'm going to have done it for you now. Today's fact of the day is that birds are the quickest species to digest alcohol, to process alcohol at a rate of about 10 to 15 times faster than human beings. And when they were discovering this,

because a lot of the fruit that birds eat and snack on, is snack on, the birds go for a little, you know, 10 a.m. snack, is like a fermentable fruit, which can ferment itself and have small levels of alcohol. But because they're so small, it's the equivalent alcohol to us like having a glass of wine. They found this to be true even in finches. When they were fed a small amount of alcohol, they began

to slur their song. What did they, pour them a bit of bodies into the bird bath? No, it comes from the fruit that they eat. Right. It can be a little bit boozy. Have a bit of alcohol in it. So they used this and they got a whole bunch of finches and they

fed them enough of this and gave them a little bit more and they became inebriated. I want to see drunk birds now. Do I? What's their song? YouTube. Drunk birds. Drunk birds.

Oh, this person said they've watched plenty of versions of pheasants lurching around apparently drunk after hitting the fermented crab apples and berries a little too hard. These drunk chickens, drunk birds. Yeah, there's so many drunk birds on YouTube. Sometimes birds are actually quite prone to intoxication, sometimes to excess. In an extreme case,

one led to the death of a wild bird from alcohol poisoning. Oh, wow. Too much alcohol consumption. Well, there's no bird hospital to get your stomach pumped at 3 a.m., is there? Help me, mum. Come pick me up. Oh, my God. There's a whole YouTube video

of African animals getting drunk off ripe marula fruit. Yeah. Oh, my God. There's monkeys. Yeah. There was rhino. Brilliant. Okay, well, that's my day sorted.

The most chronic alcohol consumers out of the birds are tree shrews, the small, unsophisticated birds that just love, like, hooning back the alcohol. And they process it really fast. So they get drunk and then they recover quickly. Bit of a hangover, have a bit of nonny nugs, and then they're feeling better. So today's fact of the day is that birds process alcohol much faster than human beings. Fact of the Day, Day, Day, Day, Day. Yeah. Girl Math is back.

It's been taking the world by storm. It's gone viral too. Actually, Producer Carl Wayne just Girl Mathed me. I borrowed some boots from Moochie. I've got to return them. And I was like, maybe I won't. And then she Girl Mathed them for me. And I was like, maybe I won't. Yeah. And it's your girl math informer. Girl math.

Okay. I mean, look. I know we had economist Brad Olsen in. He was a little bit on board with it. I wouldn't say fully on board. No, he was fully on board. Yeah, he loves it. Only if you got a lot of use out of the items you buy.

It's about the usage. Which women never do. Yes, we do. No, you don't. We do. We do. Cut his mic off. Cut his mic off. Who's got that power? He's got the dex. It's about the usage. Which women never do? Yes, we do. No, you don't. Cut his mic off. Who's got that power? He's got the dex. Someone has to be responsible around here. We welcome Sarah to Girl Math.

Good morning. Good morning. Now, you would like Girl Math to justify quite a big purchase for you. What did you buy? I managed to get tickets to Taylor Swift at the Sydney show. Wow, well done. Yeah, it took me about 18 hours.

18 hours? Have you got A-grade reserve? I did. Yeah, I got the top VIP package for one night. We've got a Swifty in the house. We've got a Swifty in the house. Do you mind

telling us how much this cost you? No judgment. Did you want for the one night or did you want for all the nights? What do you mean all the nights? How many nights are you going to Taylor Swift? I'm going to all four. Queen. Queen.

How much money? Are you having to take out a loan to pay for this? It used most of my savings. Sarah, do you have a partner? No, I'm single. Oh, thank God. That's the only way. I was like, this wouldn't be allowed.

This wouldn't happen. No, no, whatever. There was another person who was monitoring. Even if I did have a partner, there would be no way he would be able to stop me from doing this. Amen. Amen. The chewed on this chick. How much did you pay for four nights? How much do you

need us to justify for you here? No judgement, Sarah. Accommodation, flights and the four tickets would be a total of $5,600. Jesus! You are kidding me! a total of $5,600. Jesus! This is going to be a hard one. You are kidding me!

Girlies, I don't know if we can get this down to free. I reckon we can. Now listen, flights, you would have had to pay that much for flights for one night or four nights. So that's free. And then... Because she's going to four shows

but she's not buying eight flights. Yeah. She's bought two flights. Exactly. Right, right, right. Now, accommodation you need, so that doesn't come into the equation. You have to pay for accommodation at home.

How much is one set of flights to Australia? We worked it out at about $600. Yeah. So $600, $600 times... So that's $2,500, but she's not. So $2,500. She's actually she's actually saved $1,800 there.

That's a great saving. So what are we going? We're going $5,000 minus $1,800 because she doesn't have to buy eight flights. Lovely. Now we're only justifying $3,200. Beautiful. The maths have begun. Easy peasy.

This is madness. Well, yeah, and then you're thinking accommodation for four nights. Yeah. You have to pay rent at home. No, no, you've just shot yourself in the foot there. She's still paying rent. She's still going to pay rent. Sarah, can you sublet out your room for the four nights?

Yeah, that's it, that's it. I could try, yeah. I don't know how the rest of the people there would feel about it. Screw them, screw them. I'm knocking off $200. Yeah, beautiful. Thank you, thank you. We're at $300. Okay, right, okay, yeah. I don't know how the rest of the people there would feel about it. Screw them. I'm knocking off $200. Yeah, beautiful. Thank you. We're at $300.

Okay, right. $300. $3,000. $3,000, sorry. Damn, I wish we were at $300. Okay, well, a great way to get the price down for the tickets. We're at $3,000. $3,000.

So if you want to get, let's say, down to another $1,000 off, she needs to re-watch her videos of the concerts a thousand times. Yeah. How many songs do you reckon you'll be videoing, Sarah? I reckon I'm going to try and do the whole concert over the full night. Yeah, perfect. So the concert's three hours. Yeah, so I reckon if she watches those videos a thousand times,

that takes the price off because you're getting a free concert. You're getting a free concert. You're getting a free concert. You're getting a free concert because you get to watch it back. You get to watch three hours of videos a thousand times? Yeah, and that saves you a grand. Now also, as many of us Swifties have been doing, have you been watching the live streams

on TikTok, Instagram? I have been, yeah. So those were free concerts that you can take off of. So you're telling me she's getting about 1500 free concerts. We're in the positives already I mean I don't know how we've done this. Exactly. But just for logistical sakes I'll

take away 1000 now we're at 2000 Now here's the thing as well is like we've got a lot of people who missed out on Sydney tickets and which way we're so lucky that we got them. Yep. Their alternative was to fly to, where's one of our friends going? Melbourne.

No, no, no. Oh, no, no. Like, Vienna. Someone's going to Vienna. So we're looking at justifying $3,000. You don't spend that $3,000 to go to Taylor Swift and you see all your friends at Taylor Swift. That itch will never be scratched until you see that Eris tour. Next minute,

you're buying flights, accommodation, and tickets to Vienna. Are you telling me that's going to cost any less than $3,000? You're kidding yourself. Yeah, and you wouldn't be able to go to four shows there either.

So you wouldn't be able to get the deal on the free concerts. That's right. And now we're in Europe and everything's more expensive. I mean, it's $2,500 return for flights to Europe.

Yeah. I can't believe we've even bothered justifying this, to be honest. It justified itself. And mean, it's two and a half thousand return for flights to Europe. Yeah. I can't believe we've even bothered justifying this to be honest. It justified itself. And also ultimately, like, when you're old and like talking to your kids, your nieces and nephews, whoever, you can say

you were there. That's priceless. My mum always tells me, I saw Freddie Mercury live and I was like, I don't want to hear it anymore. You'll be able to say that I saw Taylor Swift in the flesh. Yeah. At the most iconic tour of history. Oh, in history. The most money-making tour. Beatles.

She's going to be there. It's all about Swift. Priceless. So what have we got it down to? Zero. It's basically free. It's basically free. The way I've calculated it, the amount of free concerts she's getting watching her back on her phone

and the flights she's saving to Vienna. And subletting her room. She's made $4,000. And subletting her room. She's made $4,000. And subletting her room, yeah, you're right. Plus an extra $200 for subletting the room for the flights. I mean, this is unreal, Sarah. And she really has to fly to Sydney four times. Yeah.

Yeah, wow. I see how this works. And in general, think of all the money she's saving and being a single woman and not having to be with a man. Two. And the mental time. And the mental tax. Sarah, it looks like it's basically free.

Basically free. Done. Absolutely done. Producer Jared and I just look at each other like, the house is like, what? Man, that was easier. We started with a big number there, and I thought we were going to struggle to get it down,

but it made so much sense. That's been your biggest girl-mas number yet, hasn't it? Nothing can not be girl-mathed. Nothing. Can. Everything can be girl-mathed. Nothing can. Everything can be girl-mathed. Yeah, that's way better England. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughn

and Hayley. Silly Little Poll. Silly Little Poll. Silly Little Poll. Silly Little Poll. Silly Little Poll. Today's Silly Little Poll. I mean, did we even need to ask? We gave you three options today. Apparently we did. Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

The results are blowing my mind. We said, what are you weird asleep? Nudie? PJs, no undies. PJs with undies. What do you think would win? I would have thought PJs, no undies would have won. But by your tone, I'm guessing people are double bagging.

People are double bagging. Why? You don't need to be doing that. You've got to let her breathe. As a nudie, I'm a nudie. I've been a nudie for years and years and I won't go back. It's the best way to sleep. No, your bits get everywhere.

I can't. What, they're jingle jangling? Yeah, they're jingle jangling around. I do a jammie with no undies. A jammie no undies? Yeah. The Jami with undies is a weird one. Like, why not just sleep in undies?

52% of people are sleeping in pyjamas. That's the highest out of the three. 52% of people are sleeping in pyjamas with undies. That is my, I did not expect that to be the result. Consider me shook. It's ridiculous. 52% pyjamas with undies. 28% pyjamas no undies. That's

the obvious one. 20% nudie. Does this mean people aren't washing their pyjama bottoms much? Because I wash mine, I maybe get a couple of wears out of them. And then you wash them. And then I wash them. Or I wear a nightie. So I have a big

t-shirt, no undies. Right, okay. So top half covered, bottom half rummaging around. Wild. Well, some feedback. Josh, nudie. I guess I run hot because even in winter I get way too hot otherwise. Yeah, I'm the same. I just will wake up sometimes sweating under my duvet. What if you've got people staying? I stayed the night

at your house the other night. Are you nude in there? Are you nude in there? No, no, no. If people stay in the spare room, because I would love like a two, three o'clock wheeze, I will wear undies if people stay. Right. Yeah, but when no one's home, I'm nude all the time. I'm sorry to have imprisoned your bottom half.

Every time a friend says, I'm like, oh, I've got to wear undies to bed. Oh my God. Hannah says, if there's a fire, I need to run out without worrying about finding undies. So she's in undies. I don't need that added stress. I already sleep through fire alarms

so in the case of an emergency I'm running on less time than anyone else. Oh what? You sleep through alarms? So she's got to wear undies and pyjamas. Okay. I can't believe so many people are wearing undies to bed. I'm in shock with these results as well. Eat two each their own. Yeah. Hey, we'll maybe

try a nude sleep tonight. No. No, you see, you just cannot do it. No, my shoulders are all out. Everything's touching everything. George is next with Friday Jams. Have a great weekend. We'll be back with our brunch, our bottomless brunch

show tomorrow. And then on Monday. Vaughn's back. No, I was going to say we start giving away Taylor Swift tickets. But sure, Vaughn's also back. And that too. Yeah, and Vaughn. Excited for both. I counted 79 all rights today.

Fletcher, but that's a new personal record. Oh, f*** off. How many of those did you count? 79 of those too. All right. Well, if you enjoyed today's podcast, give us a rate and review. Oh, f*** off. ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley.