ZM's Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley - Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley's Big Pod - 11th March, 2025

Episode Date: March 10, 2025

On todays episode of Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley's Big Pod; Hot people earn more money Comedy club is banning people with Botox Are you a serial cheater? SLP - Do your parents still financially support you? Who caught you naked? John Bobbit We want to see more friends and family in the second half of the month Hayley's fat cat What was your schools nickname? Fact of the day Whats ya jobby? Drama in Shannon's apartment See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

For a few years in the 1970s, the Mr. Asia syndicate made millions. Heroin creates its own market. It acts like a form of plague. Until jealousy, betrayal and murder brought it all crashing down. Clark would have threatened him. Go and kill him. If you don't, I'm going to kill you and your wife and your son. This is Mr. Asia, A Forgotten History. All episodes now available on iHeartRadio, Apple, Spotify or wherever you get your son. This is Mr. Asia, a forgotten history. All episodes now available on iHeartRadio, Apple, Spotify, or wherever you get your podcasts. From the ZM Podcast Network, this is Flesh, Wood and Haley's Big Pod, brought to you by Chemist Warehouse, the biggest brands at the lowest prices. ZM's Fleshbrown and horns. Thanks, Bryn.

Good morning. Welcome to the show. Caught some genuine friends in the middle of some genuine laughter. I know, and it's funny considering what we're going to talk about next. Because I'm feeling self-conscious about my appearance. You are, you are. Stop it. I'm feeling self-conscious about my appearance.

Stop it. Because I got hit on by a minga. Oh, God. Oh, God. Dude, shot is shot. He shot is shot. Can't help it. It's the king.

Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley. Three hot hotties. Yeah. Well, good news for us hot people because apparently it means we're going to earn more money than Mingus. What? This is an actual... No, I have to put this in my own words.

Okay. But this is an actual study. Right. The funny thing about this study is it looked at the correlation between salary and attractiveness. But the attractiveness... I always just buy a whole bunch of it and then only ever use a couple of stalks.

No, celery with an S. No, it's spelled with a C-E-L-E-R-Y. Do you know what I mean? Thank God he's pretty. And then it's limp in the veggie drawer. I always... I'll die half. You're never going to eat a whole celery.

No. Do you know what I mean? An absolute waste. No, how much money you earn and how pretty you are basically. But the prettiness score, you're like, how did they measure that? Yeah, because that's subjective

isn't it? It was self-evaluated. Oh. Yeah. So the respondents of which there were about 2,000 Wait, who in a study is giving themselves a 9 or a 10? Yeah, so they based attractive, like the attractive category, as those with a score between 7 and 10 out of 10.

So people who base themselves, oh, yeah, I'm a 7 or something like that. They're like, cool, we will group you with attractive. And then in the middle, it was sort of like neutral. And then from 1 to 4 four you based yourself as being unattractive then they asked salary and that's kind of how they did it on average interesting okay calling it pretty privilege on average um those who mark themselves as attractive uh earned or about twenty thousand dollars more than the mers. Wow. Do you think though it's probably more

that those people that mark their looks higher were more confident? Confident. This is what I thought too. And then confident people probably do better

in the workplace. Yeah. But also like there's got to be something behind it. I mean there's a level of self-awareness as well as a level

of arrogance or self-deprecation. Sorry, that was me. That's my best friend. I'm running about an hour late. So if someone knows. Right, okay. She's late.

Is she driving up? No, no, no, no. She's going to the airport. Well, they don't. Why is she texting you saying she's an hour late? Maybe she thinks I've got connections with the New Zealand. Maybe she. Yeah.

Oh, the plane's an hour late. I don't know. Well connections with the New Zealand. Maybe she, yeah. Oh, the plane's an hour late. I don't know. Well, she can't be, no, it's important. I'm focused on what I'm talking about right now. Because if she's late, the plane's going to leave and she's going to be more than an hour late. Also, how are the planes late? They're only starting this morning.

I know. Real doctor's attitude towards getting on time. I don't know. It's because they're CEO-less. Yeah, that's right. It's wild out there. So it's also, not just the salary once you've got the job, but also there's a level of like job success in people that have like applied for jobs.

And I think I've read about this before, like pretty privilege in the workplace. Like you're more likely to get a job if you're attractive, able-bodied, you know, particularly sized. But also if you were in charge of hiring people, would you hire hot people or mingers or the best person for the job? Look, for me, and this is hand on heart, it would be the best person for the hot people. Sorry, sorry, what? You almost got there.

One more time. From the top. We'll take that line from the top. So if I was hiring for my company, it would not even matter to me what they looked like. It would be about... Who is the best looking at their job? Who is the best for the role?

Looking at their job. Who's the best looking? Who's the best for the role? The most qualified. So this is just hot people getting even more, basically. Hot people continue to thrive. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley. A UK comedy club, apparently a very well-known UK comedy club.

What's it called? Top secret comedy club. It's London. I've never been invited to perform. Okay. Well, maybe on the horizon. Maybe. They could.

They have banned, they've put a ban into a place, came in last week. Guests, so this would be not the performers, but the... Punters. Attendees. Okay. The chucklers, they've banned guests with Botox. Because apparently more than one comedian and apparently not related. Yeah.

You know, it wasn't two best friend comedians that both thought it would be a funny gag. Basically said it's hard to judge them if they're liking it because you can't see everybody's whole face when there's a crowd of them and everybody looks like they're not having fun. Because they're not moving. The face can't move. It freezes the facial expression, so it's hard for the performers to gauge the reaction. And they're like, I don't know if they're having fun. And then, of course, that gets in your head,

and it ruins it. Is this actually a thing, or is this just a gag from them that's very funny to keep publicity? Oh, and they're not going to stop at the door and go. And be like, show me your sad face. Yeah, frown. Show me your angry face. Yeah, frown. Show me your angry face. Yeah.

Yeah. So apparently they will enforce it with ID checks and expression tests. And then if they're like, Sue, your name's on our blacklist. Oh, it's Sue on the blacklist. Sue. And she'll be like, look, it's wearing off. And you're done.

Waka, waka, waka. Move their forehead. Have you ever noticed this at a comedy gig? I haven't noticed it at a comedy gig. I have written in my new show a bit about Botox because I get a bit of Botox in the forehead. Okay. The horrid forehead.

The horrid forehead. And I did try it once and I was like, make some noise if you've got Botox. And everyone was like, woo. And I was like, frown. And no one could frown. So it is definitely like, make some noise if you've got Botox. And everyone was like, woo. And I was like, frown. And no one could frown. So it is definitely like, it's quite funny. When I did Comedy Fest last year, I paused my own Botox

so I could express my face. Right. Will you do that this year? Yeah. Okay. Because otherwise you can't like tell the story properly or you can't like convey the whole thing. I never thought about that.

Have there actually been like like, famous comedians that have not bothered with Botox or have got it and it's gone against them? Well, yeah, I don't know. I mean, I did, I mean, and I'm a huge fan of hers, Nikki Fraser, who hosted. She's amazing, but that face doesn't move a lot. Yeah, she's set the stone.

Yeah. And you're definitely like, it does make it difficult. You know, like your expression is kind of, it becomes a bit one dimensional. It's just the eyes, really. That's kind of all you're left with, right? Yeah, the mouth. Because a lot of people get Botox lower and lower

so that their eyes wouldn't even, you know how mine's like scrunched up, that they wouldn't do that. Where does it stop? Could you get the whole face done? I suppose so. Yeah, I think you can. Oh, no, no, no.

I don't know. You see, you stop the jowls and stuff. Yeah, I know people get it in their jaws to stop the clenching. I'm all for that. Yeah, but also, did you know this? So there's a rise of people getting the Botox in their jaws for the clenching and the grinding, teeth grinding. It makes your jawline more snatched.

Does it? Mm-hmm. Like,, it makes your jawline more snatched. Does it? Mm-hmm. Like, makes it pop? Yeah, yeah, yeah. So people are like, oh, my God, I'm a terrible teeth grinder. I got Botox in the jaw for grinding, but then they're like, chizunk, with their jawline. I see right through that.

I see right through that. We know. Play ZM's Fletchbourne and Hayley. Play ZM's Fletchbourne and Hayley. From the unmoderated comment section, this is the top six. Hello there. A rise in Legionnaires disease

is being blamed on people with spa pools not maintaining their spa, balancing their chemicals and doing all the stuff. And obviously, you know, it's hot. Basically, a spa pool is a huge soup of everything you've been in. Dead skin.

Sand, dirt. Stuff that falls in there. And then you turn it on to the perfect breeding temperature of, you know, the high 30s. Yeah. And boy, oh boy, does bacteria and stuff have fun in there. That's why you've got to keep on top of your chemicals. So I've never had a spa pool, but I imagine it's hard work. I'm just an everyday person.

You recently got a spa. You're in the minority there. Mine's broken. It's just basically a cold. It's a small version of a bigger pool. Right. We got a spa recently, and it's every single day. I balance it.

You test it with dick dips. With what? With dick dipsticks. Dick dips. You test it with your dick dip and then you see what it tells you and you balance it. It's a lot of work. Because we had friends that remember that wedding on

Why Can't Everybody Got... It was my wedding. Your wedding. That's right. And everybody got... Hot tub folliculitis. Skin infection. So if you've got wedding, that's right, and everybody got... Hot tub folliculitis. That, at that end. Yeah. Skin infection. Skin infection. So if you've got follicles open, right, the bacteria gets in

and makes it inflamed. Yeah. I've had folliculitis before in my armpits. That's... Ew. Yeah, it was awful. I'd shaved,

and then I went swimming at the beach and something got into it. The beach? Yeah, and it was all, like, rashed up my armpits. The beach? Nobody wanted to shag me. That's God's spa pool. It is God's spa pool, but there's also dirty stuff in there. It was all over the place. It was all over the place. It was all over the place. It was all over the place. It was all over the place. It was all over the place. It was all over the place. It was all over the place. It was all over the place. It was all over the place. It was all over the place. It was all over the place. It was all over the place. It was all over the place. It was all over the place. It was all over the place. It was all over the place. It was all over the place. It was all over the place. It was all over the place. It was all over the place. It was all over the place. It was all over the place. It was all over the place. It was all over the place. It was all over the place. It was all over the place. It was all over the place. It was all over the place. It was all over the place. It was all over the place. Nobody wanted to shag me. That's God's spa pool.

It's God's spa pool, but there's also dirty stuff in there. Nobody wanted to shag you. Just keep your arms down, hon. You'll be all right. Hello, princess. As long as I don't see it. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Keep it down. I'm going to saw it. Move your arm. Grab the headboard. I can't. Grab the headboard. Insights. Top six other things

you can blame on your spa pool, because why not? Number six on the list, the clap. The clap. Nobody calls it the clap, Vaughn. No, call it its medical name. It's not the wartime. Chlamydia. Chlamydia. Yeah.

You can get chlamydia. No, I don't think you can. I don't think you can. I think this is what you say to someone when you get chlamydia. Yeah, and they say, well, why would you have chlamydia? Because I was in Vaughn's spa pool. I've gone to Vaughn's spa pool. He doesn't chlamydia. Yeah, and they say, why would you have chlamydia? Because I was in Vaughan's Sparple. I've gone to Vaughan's Sparple. He doesn't balance it properly.

Yeah, but someone had to bring the chlamydia into the Sparple. It was probably Vaughan. It certainly wasn't Vaughan. Number five on the list of the top six things you can blame on your Sparple. Giardia.

Can you blame that on? Yes, you can. You actually can. Wait, but not chlamydia. Did you look that one up? No, I looked it up. You've got to have sex with someone with chlamydia in your spa pool to get chlamydia, but blame it on the spa pool.

Oh, right. Okay, so it's not the spa. Okay, right. You can't be floating around. But Giardi, you totally can. Which reminds me of a dream I had last night. My dream was consisting of this. The entire dream was trying to sort out this person who had violent diarrhea.

Oh, dear. My entire dream. Who was it? I don't know. I didn't know them. I'd never seen their face before. It was Hayley, wasn't it? No, no, no, it wasn't.

I was just trying to be a nice guy, but the diarrhea was everywhere. Number four on the list of the top six other things you can blame on your spa pool, a UTI. Fact. Yeah. You can't get a UTI from the spa if it's not maintained properly. You've got a bit of bacteria in your wreath. Yeah, right. That's all it takes.

Yeah. And it goes from, you know, one sort of perfect breathing condition to another. Yeah. Number three on the list of the top six things. Thank you for calling my urethra perfect. You're welcome. Number three on the list of the top six things you can spray on your spa. E.coli.

Can you actually? Yeah, dude, if you get splashed. I've been reading. This is legit. I was reading, like, things you can catch, and people were like, the water gets splashed in your mouth, and if you get splashed. I've been reading. This is legit. I was reading things you can catch, and people were like, the water gets splashed in your mouth, and if it's got the bacteria and stuff in it.

Sometimes I used to spa at the swimming pool. I don't do public spas. You're putting me off. I used to. But if you can smell the chlorine, that means it's working, right? Yeah. The danger thing is when you can't smell the chlorine.

We balance ourselves naturally. No, you don't. No, you absolutely don't. Number two on the list of the top six other things you can blame on your spa pool, straight up diarrhea. Yeah, you can. There's signs at the pool that if you've had diarrhea in the last two weeks, you shouldn't be swimming.

I've never in my life seen someone walking. See the sign. Oh, well. Get around and go back. I bet I'm going home. No diarrhea. How strict on the two weeks are you? See the sign Oh well Yeah Turn around and go back I bet I'm going home Oh It's only been eight days Yeah How strict on the two weeks are you?

Because I had diarrhea About ten days ago Yeah But I've been experiencing Solid stools For four days Oh I shall honour the sign Oh well

Those are the rules And number one on the list Of the top six things You can blame on your spa pool Are HSV I'm not talking the Holden I'm not talking the Holden

Oh okay I'm talking the Herpes simplex virus. Is that actually a thing? Yeah. Can you get that from a sparple? If, again, you sleep with someone who has the herpes simplex virus in the sparple, you can say I caught it from the spa. You're not doing anything for spa sales after this.

Yeah. No. Spas are great. You've just got to maintain them. You've got to put the effort in to keep them herpes free that is today what was that? I don't know

I don't know to keep it herpes free but this is a great country to have herpes in it's the best country to have herpes in it's the best country

in the world to have herpes in if you send the advertising campaign absolutely not that is play ZM Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley

well well well well well judgement free zone don't you well well well me. Well, well, well, well, well. Judgment free zone. Don't you well, well, well me. I'm not well, well, welling. I'm just saying judgment free zone. We're not here to judge. Who are we to judge? I read this article on Metro.

It was about Danielle Asterix. Not real name, that means. Oh, okay. You know? 38 years old, getting married at the end of this year. However, she has cheated the entire way through her relationship. She's a serial cheater. Okay.

She has been in only one relationship that she hasn't cheated on them since she was at university. Yeah. And that's the person she keeps going back to. Do you know what I mean? So this relationship she had with a guy, then it was over. Then she got with another guy, went back to him. Sleeps with this first guy all the time. New relationship, back to the first guy.

So it's always the same guy that she's cheating on her partner with. It sounds like she should be with him. Does sound, doesn't, doesn't. Yeah. But did he call it off and she can't get over it? No, nothing like that. She was just like, we're not right. But like, that's just the.

Why do you keep going back then? I know. She said she loves her partner, loves her husband, obviously, is going to get married to him, but can't stop, won't stop. No one ever suspects me. The first time I did it, it felt naughty, and now it just feels very normal to me. I don't even drink, so I can't blame the drink.

I don't drink too much and get sloppy and make mistakes. It's a very normal to me I don't even drink So I can't blame the drink Like I don't like You know drink too much And get sloppy And make mistakes It's a very conscious decision She did drink Very Gosh

What could she do? What could she do? She says you've got A very high sex drive Often She's got the very High sex drive She does

Yeah And often finds that She's not getting enough From just one person So Yeah right It's like a cat Eating at your place And then going to the neighbours very high sexed. She does. Yeah. And often finds that she's not getting enough from just one person, so. Yeah, right. It's like a cat eating at your place and then going to the neighbour's eating as well. I know. She said

she's realised she can have her cake and eat it too, basically. And a lot, I mean, you can imagine. But she can't because the other guy doesn't know. You're being betrayed. Yeah, yeah. If you were in an open relationship. She's sneaking cake, but she has to eat it in the cupboard. I feel like she should just tell her husband. He'd probably be stoked.

Yeah, probably be like. Like to. Yeah. Hey, like, I just want to do this. If we get married, can we just have an open relationship? Sure. Okay, great. And now you're not cheating anymore.

Have you guys met men? They don't function like that. They're not often like, oh, yeah, sweet. Another man is picking up my shortfall. That's not how men think. They take it as a blow to their fragile, toxic egos. Yes, and also you'd have to say, oh, can we do this? Because I already have been.

Yeah, I've been cheating on you. Can we do this from this date and then just change the date, like maybe change the year back a few and he won't notice. Why? Why? Yeah, exactly. He won't notice. Anyway, so we were talking about this and so we put up a little box on our own socials. We thought we'd never get the calls because people aren't going to risk.

Oh, no. Feel free to text in 9696 if you want to right now. If you yourself are a serial cheater, we're just interested in the why. But we did get messages. We did. I've got five little boxes. Okay. Five little boxes. The messed up, this is what somebody says about being a serial cheater, the messed up part of my brain

thinks how fun it is to have a little secret all for myself. I kind of get that. Does that feel like a male or a female to you? Female. It did feel like a female, didn't it? I don't know. We don't have the faces. I don't know. Shannon might know. Yeah, Shannon. Because she cropped the boxes.

Yeah, because you accidentally, sometimes you accidentally read out people's names. But that was a female responding. It felt very female. It's a little secret. She's quite hot as well.

Oh, God. We'll say. Wow. Okay. Good for her. Wow. You always expect the mingers, don't you?

You've got to be hot to be able to pull it off. A little secret. Yes, I've cheated because I don't receive the love and intimacy I need in my marriage. That's another female. Is it? Is it female or male, that one? Can you remember? No.

Oh, okay. I only remember the hotties, sorry. All of Alice's are hot, Shannon. All of Alice's are hot. That's part of the contract to listen. That's why we rag on Mingers so much. They don't listen. They're not here.

They're not here. Good morning, Mingers. They're not here. Yeah. Mingers, Mingers. Mingers, Mingers. Echoes down Minga Valley. There's no one in here.

It's empty. Yes. You're on the way to a Minga station. And we won't say which one, but you know. It immediately comes to mind. Yeah. I have cheated because I don't receive their love and interest. I haven't read that one before.

Are you a minger? So there is a minger here, and it's me. No. No, we won't stand for it. Thank you. You've got a minger attitude. The current relationship I'm in now is the only one I haven't ever cheated in. Been together two years prior to this.

I cheated on everybody I was with. It's a honeymoon period. It's coming. They're going to get the old it with. It's the honeymoon period. It's coming. The old itch is going to scratch. If you've had an itch from day dot, why suddenly is it going to stop? I don't believe in the once a cheater, always a cheater. I think people make mistakes. But if you're a chronically or serial cheating.

But do you believe in mahogany? I'm more of a Rimu girl. New Zealand's mahogany. New Zealand's mahogany. New Zealand's mahogany. Yeah. No, that's where you're faithful to one person. Oh, mahogany. Yeah.

I think as animals, mahogany seems to make less and less sense as time goes on. We're one of the few species that does it, right? Yeah, yeah, mahogany. Dolphins? Do they? Oh, no, they have, dolphins have sex for pleasure. For pleasure. Us and bonobo monkeys.

Yes. Those are the three that do it for pleasure. Us, penguins. There's a few monogamers. We've got a few text messages that are coming in. Oh, I love this. Go ahead, go ahead. I've got a couple more.

So when we were talking about the original article of the girl who kept going back, someone messaged in saying, I'm currently in this exact same situation. So they're bouncing back and forth. Do you think it's because that might be their first love? And there's always that whole, yeah. There's always that emotional connection. Someone else said, this is the first relationship I've been in

where I have cheated. Oh. So that's not really a serial cheater. No, you've just made a mistake. That's you. You tune in tomorrow, we're doing Cheaters 101. When have you just cheated once? And someone said, I cheated on my husband of 24 years

because I'm gay AF and couldn't stay away from the ladies. Just raise it. Just raise it with the husband. Good morning to our Lesbians and Listeners. I know we love to have you here. Wow. But married to a man for 24 years, so you had to... Again, tell him.

He'll probably be stoked. I think he'd be more stoked about the fact that you go to a woman than a man. Have you got more messages there from Al? Had a smallish amount of authority

and pretty much every time someone was keen, I'd cheat. So do I have a more security guard here? More cop. Yeah, more cop. Smallish amount of authority.

Paul Blart, more cop. Paul Blart, more cop. The guys who stand outside Michael Hill Jeweler. Oh my God. This is the filthiest one yet. Paul Blart Mall Cop. Paul Blart Mall Cop. The guys who stand outside Michael Hill Jeweler. Oh, my God. This is the filthiest one yet. This one isn't anonymous. It's from Instagram user FletchNZ.

What? Sometimes I pat other cats. My cat doesn't know. Oh, my God. I think he's speaking purely of metaphors there, actually. I don't think he means cat at all. That's layered. What's the other word for cat?

P-p-p-p-p. Oh, real one. No. Play. What's the other word for cat? Hi, guys. I was like, what's with the breath? Are you puffed? Stats New Zealand. Hi, guys. Shut up. I'm doing it.

Stats New Zealand. There's 100,000 more people still living with their parents. It's Tuesday. How's your brat already? Yeah, this is a Friday brat behaviour from you on a Tuesday. I'm sorry, guys. But yeah, more and more adults are living at home with their parents in New Zealand. Okay. Do you still rely on your parents

financially? I happily support my children through their entire lives and they never leave their dad and they never need another man. That just breeds princesses born. Yeah. Well, from a king, what would you expect?

Do your parents still financially contribute to you? 76% of people said no. 24% of people said yes. I reckon it might be higher when you really take everything into account. Or when you remind people

like Hayley that your parents have been paying your phone for the last, like, forever, and your health insurance. I've taken it over. Car insurance. No, I've taken it all over

in the ripe age of, I think, 34 it was all done by. So you were on the teat. I was on the teat for a long time. Until 34. Yeah. That is ridiculous. Yeah. Kristen said,

I assume that living with them rent-free counts as a yes? Yes. And yes, we're absolutely taking advantage of the live-in babysitters for our toddler. Hashtag not even sorry. A lot of people do it to save money for their house deposit, don't they? Totally.

I think if I had a kid, my parents would be stoked to live because they would love a grandkid. Do you know, we just heard from a Kristen and then we hear from another Kristen. Wow, many Kristen's listening. Can't stop, won't stop suckling on the teat of mummy and daddy.

Just as Hayley eats. I hated that. I didn't love it. Let's not suckle on the teat. Suckling on the teat. Yeah. Lisa, the grumpiest one we know. Great. Nope, they're dead.

Lisa. She even sounds angry at them for up and dying on her. Oh, for God's sake. You have to make it all about yourself by dying? That was comedy gold. Lisa, nope, they're dead. Maybe I'll have a chat to Deb Weber and start telling them to pull their weight and cough up some cash for grumpy old Lisa.

Is that text of the week? I know it's only Tuesday. It's simply an Instagram message. But we do have the facilities to get into. Oh, okay. It doesn't make the criteria. Grumpy Shannon just out grumpy, grumpy Lisa. Yeah, wow.

One of the grumpies. Amy said, nope, I'm living week to week without help from my parents. And I tell you what, it sucks. Yeah, it does Instagram. Grumpy Shannon just out grumpy, grumpy Lisa. Yeah, wow. One of the grumpies. Amy said, Nope, I'm living week to week without help from my parents. And I tell you what, it sucks. Yeah, it does suck. Yeah. Yeah. You should just try hitting them up. Do you know what I mean?

Just try. Call them up. What if they did? Go borrow a hundred bucks. If they did, dead webber. Lou said, Because spending the money on myself would be a waste. That's what my mum said, which is just sad.

But it is what she said after she paid for the new carpet for my flat. There's no argument. Mum shouldn't be putting carpet in a flat. It's a landlord's responsibility. If you own, I mean, maybe they own it. You might own a flat. Yeah, you might own a flat. Do you think so?

You wouldn't carpet someone else's house. Can we get confirmation on that, Lou? You shouldn't be carpeting somebody else's house. No. Landlord responsibility. Unless your dog ruined it. Yes. That you shouldn't have.

Sam said, other way around, I always try and help them out when I can. Oh, that's beautiful. We've got an angel in our hands. We've got an angel in our hands. My mum still puts $10

into my savings account every pay. I've told her many times to stop, but she hasn't. I'm 34. How cute. Oh, $10. $10.

Also, inflation, mum, it should be more like I'm 34. How cute. 10 buckings. Also inflation, mum. It should be more like 20 now. Yeah, do you know what I mean? You've sort of been putting in the same amount all these years. That's kind of going down. Caitlin said my parents helped me pay my mortgage. That's nice. But maybe you shouldn't have saddled yourself with a lifetime of debt if you couldn't

service it yourself. Rich. Rich coming from you. But I can service it myself. I couldn't service it yourself. Rich. Rich coming from you. But I can service it myself. I'm servicing it myself. Rich. Don't get a too big a mortgage. God. Rich. Never took myself off the family

phone plan and we've never discussed it. Context, married, 30 and full-time worker. Yes. That's still paying for my phone. Well look, just keep keep going while you can. Don't mention it. Don't mention it. Oh, this one. Just want to finish on this one real quick.

Yes, because when my mum's doing the big shop, she'll ring and ask if I've got enough cheese, and I always say no, even if I do have cheese, because you can't have enough cheese. You can never have enough cheese. Mum's still giving you the cheese. Play ZM's Fletchbourne and Hayley. Yesterday, it's sort of feeling like autumn's on its way.

Like the mornings are definitely chillier. Yeah. And when you drive into my suburb, the trees are going orange and red. Yeah, we're getting a little foliage on the ground. Stunning. I'm not the person that mows the lawns and has to take care of it, but carry on. Well, that's not me. My parents visited.

I made my dad mow the lawns. Because Vaughn said to take care of the lawns. Vaughn care of it, but carry on. Well, that's not me. My parents visited. I made my dad mow the lawns. Because Vaughn said to take care of the lawns. Vaughn, you're not Vaughn. I am Vaughn. My partner's not Vaughn. Aaron said to take care of the lawns while he was away, and I haven't. What did he do? Anyway, so I got home yesterday and the sun was out

and I was like, I'm going to take this opportunity for a bit of a lie down, a sunning of sorts. I'm not going to say sunbathing because I don't condone it. Yep. Well, did I get browner as a result? Yes. Okay. Did I put on sunblock?

No. Only on the face. Right. You should have put some here. And the decolletage. And the decolletage. You don't want a wrinkly titty valley. I'm doing all right so far.

Titty valley? Titty valley. I think I'm okay so far. I put her right up there with the Grand Canyon and Yosemite National Park. The Valley of the Tate. The Valley. Gorgeous.

So what I do is, because I'm in a fenced property, but the back fence my neighbours can see me. There's like a little gap. So I put two beanbags to block their view and I lay out my little towel and I lay down. Now, no one else lives at my house. I want to say the fence that she, to your east, it's not like a, it's not a 12-foot fence.

No. It's like if someone walked up to that, they'd be able to just, they'd be like Wilson on a home improvement, 90s TV reference. But why would they be looking over my fence? Hey, can we borrow, whoa. Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah. Well, that's their, if they want to be jumping over my fence, then that's their problem. But I lie down and then I remove all clothing. Bottoms, tops, everything. And I lie nude. It would be nice

to just, if you had a private property, to do a bit of nude sunbathing. It's lovely. It's lovely. And then you don't get weird marks and all this kind of stuff. But I did get the text, because usually I do my groceries in person, but I'm busy at the moment. Busy lying naked in the sun. Yeah, obviously so busy.

So busy. Yeah, if only you could find 15 minutes to go to the supermarket. If only, but I can't. The sun's out. I ordered groceries to be delivered, which I don't often. And I knew I was in an afternoon slot, you know, for delivery. And I knew at some point they'd be coming. But I was like, look, the gate's open for the front.

And he could put it on the front porch, which is nowhere near where I am. And then I don't know why this guy felt the need to start walking down my driveway. Crunch, crunch, crunch. Crunch, crunch, crunch. I've got a gravel driveway. And I was like, no. So I just went, stop. And then I, crunch. I've got a gravel driveway. And I was like, no. So I just went, stop. And then I went, can you just wait a second?

I'm going to put some clothes on. And he was like, oh, my God, I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. I just thought someone would be home and I'd drop around the back. I was like, it's fine, it's fine, it's fine. If I had have had a paved driveway, I might not have heard it. You wouldn't have heard it. Thank God for gravel.

And then this poor guy would have got an eyeful of the Grand Canyon. My yoni was facing the direction of the driveway so then I'm parallel

so I'm nice and blocked from everywhere. So he would have seen everything. He would have seen more than a lot of people have ever seen. He would have seen

a gynecological view. I feel sorry for couriers because they're the ones knocking on the door and people would be in a state of naked all view. I feel sorry for couriers because they're the ones knocking on the door and people would be in a state of naked all the time. Always. All the time. Always.

Chucking on a robe and you've got half your boobs out. Anyway, he nearly saw me naked, but I want to know the stories of when someone did catch you in the nude. Yeah. When it was completely unanticipated. Like, my parents sleep in the nude. Yeah, I'm a nude sleeper. I've recently taken to nude sleeping.

Yeah, it's good, eh? Are you enjoying it, Fawn? I'm far more than I thought. I did the trial, remember, and I enjoyed it, but I've gone back to crop top and shorts. Yeah. Well, my parents... I did roll a ball.

Yeah, that's what I mean. Rolled over in the ball. Yeah. I don't want anyone picturing my balls being excessively saggy as such. Right. Not tight. Huh? Sorry? Theygy as such. Right. Not tight. Huh? Sorry.

They're not tight. They're not tight. They're neither here nor there. You've got to be careful. You do have to be careful. Definitely the way to sleep. Well, my parents stayed

and then they sleep in the nude and my mum, I was like, what do you do when you get up to go to the toilet? She was like,

just dashing across the hall. Oh, okay, no. It's been too long. I don't need to be seeing that. You can't be doing that in a flat either. No, you can't be doing that. That's why when you're in a flat you get up to go to the toilet? She was like, just dashing across the hall. Oh, okay, no. It's been too long. I don't need to be seeing that. You can't be doing that in a flat either. No, you can't be doing that. That's why when you're in a flat, you've got to wear clothes. But maybe you were nude at home and someone came out

and, you know, knocked on the door or caught you or came around the back. You thought you were home alone. You were getting changed in a changing room and the person whips open the curtain to see how you're going with your top. Or it was just a poor delivery driver that came around and caught you nude in the back of your house.

Now, we want to know when you were caught naked in the nude because yesterday I was out sunbathing at Starkers and I heard the crunch of footsteps up my driveway. It was my groceries man thinking he was doing me a favour by bringing them to the back of the house rather than leaving on the front porch. I hollered at him to stop. He did.

Stop! So we want to know when you were caught in the nude. No shortage of it. Love this. Laura, when were you caught in the nude? Hi, team. I was at the gym one day, and I've had sort of like a jammy shoulder

for a wee while. Yeah. Anyway, I had a shower, came out in my towel, dried myself on, towel wrapped around my boobs, pulling on my bra, like a crop top bra over the top, and my shoulder had partially dislocated. Oh. So I was kind of stuck in this awkward position, crop top half over my boobs, so my boobs were kind of squashed down, position, cropped up half over my boat.

So my boat just kind of squashed down, but my nipples were out. And my towel fell off. And someone had walked into the changing room while I was kind of stuck. So I had to kind of hold my arm in a certain position and pull it down and it kind of popped back into place. Oh, my God, Laura. Oh, my God, what do I do? Where do I go?

At least you're in the changing room bit. That's acceptable, right? But under your towel, so I got the image of when you've got half a crop top, it really mushes the boobs down, so the nipples are not looking their best. And when the towel came off... I didn't even pull the crop top over

my boobs properly. I hadn't got that far. It just sort of popped out halfway through it. What's beneath the towel that's fallen off? Nothing. Yeah, okay. Yeah. Not looking your best. Wow.

Brilliant, Laura. Thank you. Anonymous, when were you caught starkers? Yeah, so I was sunbathing on my back deck and all of a sudden I heard an odd noise and looked up to notice a drone flying above me. Wow.

Oh my God. What did you, I would have huffed something at it. I just bolted straight into the house. What? What? Did you? I would have hiffed something at it. I just bolted straight into the house. Do you reckon it was like a real estate? They were getting photos from the real estate website? Or it was some horny teenage boy that got one for Christmas?

Yeah. There is a house for sale next door. That'll be it. They were getting the aerial shots. I just think it was Someone playing with their drone I think this Because I've got I live quite near an airbase And there's always

Low flying helicopters And planes Or like glider planes And I'm always like I wonder if they can just see a Yeah you're actually Your place is Marked on the

Air Force maps actually Yeah yeah yeah They're like Have a look down Good set of Good set of bazonkas If you look over here. How would it be? I always say that when I'm getting

changed. Hotels, I don't bother pulling the curtains. Because I'm like, someone walking down the street would have to see this specific time at this specific part to see me nude. Wasn't there a case of a pilot who was staying in an airport hotel and he did this. He got changed and then someone complained and he got

in trouble? Oh, maybe. Because he didn't pull the curtains or something. But Anonymous, you're allowed to lie on your bloody deck. No, exactly. That's your safe space. I know, but I, yeah, well, I actually live, like, there's quite a lot of power lines so I was thinking, like, quietly hoping that it was going to get caught

in the power lines. Lose the footage. Do you reckon it was a good angle? It's been destroyed. Good angle angle for you though, Anonymous? Like, were you looking, keeping it tight? Looking good? I was on my, like, face flat down, so my bum's quite perky. So I was not mad about it. You're not mad, yeah.

We're not mad. I mean. I think we just keep this round of applause going for Perky Bottoms everywhere. Perky Bottoms. Good morning to all the Perky Bottoms nationwide. Thank you, Anonymous. We'll go to some text messages. Oh, there's so many.

I went to the beach recently to have a bit of a play on the wave. Ended up getting annihilated by the wave. And then the next wave. And then the other wave. And all I could hear was my partner yelling out to me that my whole chest was out of my swimsuit. And the beach was crowded, so everybody saw me. Yeah. Tay-tays. I always wonder this about

these. Yesterday I was in our ensuite upstairs. Must be nice. Must be nice. Doing well. And the wooden slap blinds. You know those ones that are like built in and they were shut but the wrong way. So rather than down they were like that. Oh yeah. It was dark outside. I had the bathroom light on. I noticed

light and looked down through the crack and could see our Airbnb guest next door on the deck with outside light on looking straight up at me as I was stark as. You got a flash of headlines as quickly dropped to the floor. They're now turned right. They've fixed the blinds.

Yeah. So it doesn't happen. My teenage stepdaughter walked in on me in my bedroom butt naked. I've had two kids, so I'm not the smoothest out there. I was mortified and so was she. Don't be a bit.

You look amazing. The meter readers seen me naked more than once. My room at the back of the house has French doors and the curtains wide open and the meters right outside my room. I hate that. More than once. It's that stunning to sound like that's on purpose. I don't like that they just wander onto your property. I'm always like.

They're allowed to though. I know. Of course they have to. They should have a little bell or something like a cat. I'm here. I'm here like that they just wander onto your property. I'm always like... They're allowed to though. I know, of course they have to. They should have a little bell or something like a cat. I'm here, I'm here. Like, like meter readers need collars.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Or the cows in the, in the mountains, in the French Alps. Yeah. Ding dong, ding dong. They should know. They call that.

Yeah. Okay, I'm glad I've invented that. Meter reader bell, put that on the list. I'm sure they'll be stoked about it. Put that on the list along with phone holder for a trolley handle at the supermarket. Oh, that's a great idea.

We've got a text. Last week, my friend had some time up her sleeve and decided she would go home for a lunchtime feel good. Okay. Well, a solo. I love that. That's the perfect name for it. A lunchtime feel good. Great.

She didn't know the landlords had hired a bunch of painters and builders to start work. She said she was rather surprised when she locked eyes with a man outside her window. She was having a little afternoon feel good. Play ZM's Fleshborn and Hayley. Lorena Bobbitt is a name I hadn't thought of for a long time, but Lorena and John Bobbitt was the massive name in the 1990s.

You remember this. When she cut his penis off with a pair of scissors. That's right. Scissors. Mum's good sewing scissors? Better not be. To get through the gristly part, it would need to be quite a sharp scissor. Don't you be using those on paper.

So there's a... My kitchen scissors would struggle. Oh, my kitchen scissors... I did buy some good scissors, but... No scissors in my house are sharp. Actually, Vaughan, would you sharpen them? You've got a little stone, eh? I've got a whetstone.

Because all I've got is a knife sharpener, but you have to slot it through and the scissors are too thick. Yeah. I cut off his penis. The truth behind the headlines is a documentary. It was on TVNZ last night at 1.30 and we were, not 1.30, 8.30. We were watching the news as we ate our dinner,

which is what we do. As well, my family did when I was growing up. I don't know, it's a weird comfort thing. We watched the news while we ate our dinner. And the ad came on that it was going to be on tonight at 8.30. And the girls kind of heard the person say, coming at 8.30, the Lorraine Bobbitt documentary, I cut off his penis, the truth behind the headlines.

And they kind of like, you saw them kind of like want to look at the answers. And I was like, do you know the story behind that? And they were like, no. I was like, she was married to someone called John Bobbitt and he was a terrible man and did terrible things and she had had enough and she cut off

his penis with a pair of scissors. And then I believe she just threw it out the window. Then she went on the run with said penis. That's right. And she just chucked it out the window and the girls were just like, she what? She what? I was like, she cut off his penis with a pair of scissors. the window and the girls were just like SHE WHAT? SHE WHAT? I was like she cut off his penis with a pair of scissors

So I just remember this was like a huge story in the 90s Yeah massive. What was it? 92? 93? Yes I was too young for this but I think I've watched the documentary There were it was everywhere all over television It was a cultural joke

You were always jokes about it. I remember being at my grandparents. I've got this vivid memory of being at my grandparents and my nan, who's still alive, Marlene, quite a sort of conservative grandma, Catholic, didn't like it. Oh, if naughty kissing came on TV, she'd be like, click, change the channel.

Oh, yeah. And she said to my granddad, Alan, Alan, change the channel, change the channel. And he's like, no, no, no, no. They need to know. They need to know that someone could mop their penis off. And then in the ad break, he went into the kitchen and came back with a pair of scissors. And he's like, do you reckon these would work?

And we were like, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. Laughing, rolling on the ground laughing. And she's like, Alan, put the scissors away. Do you remember? It was a Ginsu. He was a, he was a. It was a Ginsu. It was a Ginsu 20 centimetre carving knife. Oh, it was a knife. I thought it was scissors. They had scissors on them. No, it was a Ginsu. He was a... It was a Ginsu. It was a Ginsu 20 centimetre carving knife.

I thought it was scissors. They had scissors on them. No, it was a knife. Now, Ginsu were the ones on the infomercials that were like cutting through shoes and cans. And then after she threw it out the window, it was found and successfully reattached. Yes.

And he did poor. And a nine hour surgery. But he went to prison though, didn't he? Yeah, because he was abusing her Terribly And then did she get off Of the charge She got off because of a

Temporary moment of insanity And because of what she'd suffered through And they were like you know what He deserved to have it cut off And so your girls were just like What What I would have sworn it was scissors Fair enough. He deserved it. He deserved it. And so your girls were just like, what? What?

I got a swarm of scissors. I was completely, I am as Dan corrected, it was a Ginsu knife. And apparently after she cut off his penis, Ginsu knife saw a huge spike in sales. They're like, man, that thing must cut through tomatoes like nothing. It gets to her penis. It gets to her penis. It's going to absolutely take to a carrot. It's going to absolutely hone a pumpkin.

Well, you have to at the family dinner table tonight. There will be a correction issue. There will be an apology section and a correction issue that it wasn't scissors. It wasn't mum's good sewing scissors. But, yeah, they were just, like, mind-blown by the fact that someone cut it off and then tossed it out the window. Then it was found.

The 90s, eh? The 90s. The 90s. It was rogue. A wild time. It was a wild decade. Play ZM's Flashborn and Hayley. Break down if you don't know the four phases of the menstrual cycle.

Day one is actually day one of your period. You sort of think that's the end, but it's not. That's menstruation. That's when you get your cramps and your low energy. Then you head into follicular. That's when we're lifting heavy at the gym. We feel unstable. What, so that's day two?

No, no, no, no, no, no. Phases. Phases are done in like seven day, five to seven day bits. Okay. Yeah. So the first phase is your period. Okay. Then you move into your second one where afterwards you feel, and this is, I know this feeling,

that's your follicular phase. You increase energy, positive mood. Morning. Yeah, yeah, mood. Morning. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Right. And then you move into ovulation, which is your peak energy, peak fertility, peak good feelings. That's when you are, if you're trying to have a baby, that's when you're going to try.

Yep. And then your luteal phase just before, that's your PMS, your low energy, feeling bad. Right? So here's a study about, and we always know these things like, oh, women are more likely to be sad and crying on this one or happy and good on this one. But apparently, there's a study that women tend to want to spend more time with friends and family during the second half, the luteal phase, which is when you're feeling PMS-y, you're feeling crampy,

you're feeling sad, low energy, because it's like a desire for comfort and connection. Which kind of makes sense. I don't know that I like crave my mummy when I'm feeling sore and sad.

But it makes sense, right, that you would want to be around people that you love. Because be confident. Around your friends. Around people that you love because you're self-protecting, you're feeling good. Historically, women have relied on other women for protection and care when they're feeling, like, vulnerable and whatnot. So it makes a lot of sense. And the other time you just won't see your friends.

The rest of the time you just turn your back on them as boys, the rest of the month. Girlies, would you agree with this, my fellow menstrual women? I think there's that whole thing that you don't look as great during your luteal phase. Your skin goes off and all that. So maybe it's like, I'm not going to see a cutie

let me hang out with my girls. I'm not going to waste my good skin on my friends who don't care. I'm not even going to bother wearing foundation. And we've got greasy hair. Yeah. Karwin, do you feel this? Your face sort of feels like you don't agree? Yeah'm not even going to bother wearing foundation. And we've got greasy hair. Yeah. Karwin, do you feel this? Your face sort of feels like you don't agree? Yeah, I can't say I've ever noticed a difference,

but maybe there is. But maybe you take comfort in other things like... Chocolate. Chocolate. Yeah. Chocolate's very young. Chocolate. But yeah, this is definitely... Maybe, I suppose Aaron is my family,

and I definitely get a bit more like, I need to be taken care of, which I imagine is quite intolerable because when he doesn't do it right, then I'll rip his head off. You know what I mean? He can't win. Tell him in that luteal phase, it's crazy phase. It's a crazy phase.

Anyway, so if you're feeling like that, it's a hormonal thing. Play ZM's Fletchborn and Hayley. Play ZM's Fletchborn and Hayley. Play ZM's Fletchborn and Hayley. UK scientists have discovered a genetic link between overeating

and dogs, particularly Labradors. Oh yeah, they eat and eat and eat, don't they? Yeah. Like golden retrievers. Golden retrievers,

well my golden retriever is particularly bad. Yeah. Not all golden retrievers but they are Labradors on a whole. Yeah. Or eat themselves to death.

Yeah. But the link between overeating and dogs and humans prone to obesity. Oh, yeah. Okay. Because, you know, there's lots of reading around this. And I get annoyed about it sometimes when people say like, oh, you're fat, stop eating. No, it's just the fact that we're good boys. You're a good boy.

Yeah, we're both good boys. But obesity is not always just an issue. It's not an issue always for just self-control, eat less, da-da-da-da-da-da-da. A lot of it's genetic. So they're like the same thing in humans that make us go, I want to gorge on this food. Dogs have it too. My cat has it and I'm in trouble.

See, your cat, you are in trouble. Aaron's away at the moment and we, Aaron, Rolly put on quite a bit of weight last year and we were told by the vet, you know, bring it in a bit. And we did, you know, weolly put on quite a bit of weight last year and we were told by the vet, you know, bring it in a bit. And we did, you know, we put him on these sort of diet biscuits and whatnot and he was good. He was looking real good.

He was looking real good after Christmas. Aaron's gone away. He was at City Fitness though, wasn't he? He was at City Fitness. He was at Kitty Fitness. Kitty Fitness. He was right there. He was at City Fitness though Wasn't he? He was at Kitty Fitness Kitty Fitty It was right there It was right there

That was really good for you It was good We still got it You know It just came from a different person I loved it He was at Kitty Fitty But he

He was looking snatched And then Aaron's gone away He's blown out And that's on me And he's still paying for the gym membership Just not going He's just like a donation At Kitty Fitty Yeah Did he cancel his Les Meows membership? Nah me. And he's still paying for the gym membership, just not going. He's just like a donation at Kitty City.

Did he cancel his Les Meows membership? Nah, Les Meows he's still paying for. He's still paying for the Les Meows. One more I reckon. Les Meows. Really trying. Yeah, what's your one that you go to? The Purple Monster.

Anytime Fitness. Anytime Fitness. Nah. Any fine fitness. Any fine fitness any fine fitness nah nah because we use

we use kitty for city fitness yeah you keep jamming F45 there's gotta be something in there meow 45

cross kit yeah that's alright cross kit it's okay but again it's really leaning on the cat yeah

leaning on the cat thing he's like he's definitely you know what someone's gonna text message you. Yeah, go on. Open up the machine.

Yeah. He, she just said kitty-fitty. What? Yeah, I know, but we've done that one. We've done that one. Yeah. But yeah, he's fat. He's gotten fat.

And Aaron's going to come home because I've just bought the wrong bickies. And those bickies, he just like hoons them and then just gets really like. Well, you're feeding him too much no I'm not I'm feeding him the same as just two spoons just two spoons two spoons

and his little schnack and then when this is like she gets up and when he's being a sweetie good boy because he loves ham if there's ham in the house

no he smells it out you shouldn't be feeding him ham he loves ham it's his meat of choice is it shaved ham from the deli?

No, like from the packet. If you open ham, he is in for the ham. But you don't need to give it to him. You just say no to that face. He's a sweetie, but honestly, I've got a week until Aaron's home. Right. Well, I reckon you can

roll him in some perlades. No, no, no. That was all me. I saw the word. Yeah, I reckon you could enrol him in some Perlates. Did you just read that out? No, no, no. That was all me. That was all me. I saw the words. Perlates. Yeah.

That's really good. I'll take Perlates. Perlates. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley. It's so unbelievably childish, but it's giving me some good giggles. That's what we need in the world. We want, yeah, that's right, right? Mm-hmm.

My daughter has started in high school. She goes to Westlake. Which is wild. Westlake Girls, which is, right? Mm-hmm. My daughter has started in high school. She goes to Westlake. Which is wild. Westlake Girls, which is, it just blows my mind. I sent the photo yesterday of Fletch holding Indy 13 years ago. Like a rugby ball. Yeah, just fit in one arm and now. Teeny.

She's like five this much. She's getting tall. Are you trying to make me cry? Is that what you're trying to do? Yeah. Let's move on. Oh, God, they grow up so fast, don't they, Hayley? They do grow up so fast.

Oh, my God, have another. Nah. But she said, do you know that they call us Les Lake girls? Because it's girls only. Oh my God. And I said to her,

I was like, this is a thing. Because the school is called for those outside of Auckland West Lake girls. Because, you know, it's west of Auckland, Westlake Girls. It's west of a lake. Yeah.

Very well done. Smart that they got there. Geniusly named. And because it's all girls, Les Lake. Lesbians, Les Lake. Les Lake. Yeah, and that was interesting. I said I had one. Moronsville College was Moronsville College.

Yeah, that was perfect. That was easy. Beautiful. I've never heard that before. Moronsville. I don't ever remember. Yeah, that's perfect. That's perfect. I've never heard that before. Moronsville. I don't ever remember New Plymouth Boys High School having her. It's kind of hard when it's not a name. Yeah, it's not a name.

It's just like a... Ours was Queen Maggots for Queen Margaret. Queen Maggots. Queen Maggots. And the brother school, which my brother went to, Scott's College, was Snotts Porridge. So good. They're so immature, but they're so great.

Sandy Toenails was San Antonio, which was the Catholic primary school where I grew up. Sandy Toe Nails. Is there a primary school called San Antonio? San Antonio. And they had like eight students. Not a lot of Catholics at the beach. Yeah.

Well, this is what we want to ask this morning. What was the... Oh my God, we're like boys. What. What was the... Oh, my God. We're like boys. What's that called? I can't say it. It's a slur. In the 90s.

Homosexual. Hill. Abbreviated version. Hill. Because they're on a hill. Homo Hill. Yeah. Really?

Eggs, eggs, spread your legs for Epson Girls Grammar. Oh, my God. So that takes it one more. That's not even... Because they call themselves eggs. Yeah. Epson Girls...mar. So that takes it one more. That's not even it. Because they call themselves eggs. Yeah. Epson Girls Grammar, eggs. Okay, well, we want to know now.

But that takes it one more. There's a chart. Yeah, the nickname that your high school had or that you gave a rival high school in your city or town. We can say barely any of these. I know. Oh, my God. Bled is low primary.

It was called bloody slow primary. That's good. Oh my God. So then, Bledisloe Primary was called Bloody Slow Primary. That's good. That's good. Okay. 0800 dials an Emerson number. Text through

9696. Your high school's nickname. The text machine's flooded and I'd say 2% we can read out. This is almost pointless.

Some of them can't be read. I'll say a lot of homophobical racist stuff that we won't say, but it's there. Now, Georgia Burt, you're

claiming that your high school didn't have a nickname. I don't know if anyone knows if Burnside High had one. Burnside High had a nickname. But I don't know what it was. I can't know if anyone knows if Burnside High had one. Oh, Burnside High had a nickname. But I don't know what it was. I can't find any Reddit threads or anything about this. Yeah, there's no urban dictionary on it, you know. Boo Brad.

All the other schools do. But that's the thing. All the other schools in Crunchies had nicknames. Yeah, can I say something? Can I even say it? Why was Christchurch Boys High with Soggy Biscuit? No, that's Christchurch Boys High with Soggy Biscuit. Christchurch College was Syrup.

Somebody needs to do an investigation into that urban legend because it never happened anywhere in the world. And I want to talk to somebody who said a friend of mine played it. I want to talk to the person that was playing. No, you won't find anyone because it's urban legend. I want to talk to the people that were there for the game of Soggy Biscuit. Apparently the Auckland boys also had a few Soggy Biscuits. I think there were probably quite a few boys' schools.

It was unimaginative if you needed a nickname for a boy or a room at a boys' high school and you couldn't come up with a name. Lake New Plymouth Boys' High would have been very hard. I'd probably just gone Soggy Biscuit. There were a few Sacred Hearts called the Sacred Tarts. Oh, I like that. That one's readable on here. Just going through.

Burnside was called Cabbages, a number of people have said. Oh, that's right. We were Cabbages. There's a cabbage tree on the emblem, right? Yeah. I actually live up to that. I think I live up to mine. I was going to say proving the point because you couldn't remember

that you were called Cabbages. I can't remember. I couldn't remember. I can't remember. Bong cabbage. That's right. Cabbage maths is still so funny to me. What are you doing next? I've got cab math.

Oh, my God. That's right. Long Bay College was called Bong Bay College because of the weed smoking. Apparently it was quite something. Oriwa College, pronounced wrong, but back in the day, Oriwa was Horiwa. Dioceson for girls

is another one that's coming. I feel like we can maybe say that. I love partly because no one knows how to actually say that word, right? Dioceson. Yeah, maybe. Dioceson. Dioceson.

Really just great. Francis Douglas Boys High in New Bromley is called Fung Dung because there was a rumour that they built it on a swamp. Well, it's kind of, yeah, it's on farmland. Yeah. Right. So the dung is because of the farmland. Yeah.

I guess so. There's always a weird one. Where does the fung come from? I don't know. John Paul College. They're so dumb. John Paul College, they used to go by JPC yeah

they used to be like more like gay PC oh there's so many like that we used to call Pakaranga College Pack of Wankers College a lot of these do rely on

mispronouncing Maori words but it's funny it's funny um Matamata College was called Fatty Fatty College. That's not even, doesn't even work.

That's not even, yeah, that doesn't work. It needs to be Fata Fata. Rutherford Intermediate in Whanganui was, Rutherford was called Runny Fart. I like that. That's good. Oh, God, can't read, can't read. So somebody said you may remember we had eggs, eggs, spread your legs.

Yep. Now, that was often chanted at us by Auckland Girls Grammar, so we'd chant back, eggs, eggs, full of slags. Oh! St Cuth's was called St Something Else. Yes. Yep. King's College chant at rugby games, your dad works for my dad.

Oh. Oh, my God. It's not even insulting. It's not even insulting. What? It's not even insulting It's not even insulting It's not even insulting That's the most King's College thing ever I love Trash Burton College For Ash Burton College

Yeah I remember that one Honestly Prezzy Lizzy So we went to a Presbyterian secondary school in Ireland We were called the Prezzy Lizzy's. Oh, girl. It's good stuff.

It's good stuff. There's honestly so many messages. I'm just reading through and it's like, no. And then you're like, oh, no. Cashmere High was Trashmere High. Oh, that's nice. Sancta Maria College was Scantamaria. Oh, please. Oh, Otanda Maria. Oh, please.

Oh, Otago Boys. Oh, please. Howick College. Yeah, we've had that one. Oh! We're not reading it out. We can say that. Nah.

Taylor Swift's got a song. I don't reckon. Slut Valley High. We used to call them that. Oh, at Hut Valley High. At Hut Valley High. Oh, right. Okay.

Yeah. I was talking about Howick. I'm not reading it. Oh, no, we're not reading it. Okay, I think we've probably reached the limit of... Symbols limited Symbols Symbols

Is it? Yeah good stuff That's it That's good stuff Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley Fact of the day Day day day, day library thing. Named after Melvin Dewey.

The Dewey Decimal System is a method used to organize... Thanks to ChatGPT for giving me a brief description of what it is. Here it is. Okay. Used to organize library books by subject, it divides knowledge into 10 main categories, each represented by a number from 000 to 999. These categories are further divided into more specific subcategories,

creating a hierarchical system, for example. And then it lists through, it says religion, social sciences, sciences, 500 to 599, et cetera. And now the library's just a free place for internet. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Just a place to go. I think most of them have a cafe. In the library?

Yeah, it's been a problem apparently because of the free internet. Free internet. In quiet corners. Oh my lord. a problem apparently because of the free internet. Free internet. And quiet corners. Oh my lord. Nobody's apparently going for the books anymore. Oh, wow. Well, old mate Dewey started out his life with obsessive compulsive personality disorder, is what we'd call it these days, OCD.

He had alphabetised the spices in his mother's cupboard, but maybe he just liked a nice looking cupboard. I've got organised spices in my cupboard. Yeah, they do in the supermarket. I totally think you should do it because then you know where you're looking. Do you think he got some influencer jars for the pantry and labelled them? Or did he just put them in order? Well, this was in the late 1800s, so I reckon it was jars.

Do you think he had a brother label maker? Nah, I don't know. think he had a brother label maker? Nah. I don't know. Maybe he had a cricket machine. He was obsessed with the number 10, so that led him to create the Dewey Decimal System because the decimal starts with 10. Here it comes.

I'm going to take a turn for the worst. Here it comes. It's good things named after bad people. Here it comes. He founded the American Library Association and became its president multiple times, but his biggest flaw, according to colleagues, was his persistent inability to control himself around women.

Oh, okay. We've got a piece on our hands. Yeah, we've got a big piece. When he ran a school at a Columbia college, he required that all female applicants provide a photo for the reasoning he gave was you can't polish a pumpkin. Dewey. Wow.

Dewey? So disappointing. On an American Library Association-sponsored trip to Alaska, he made unwelcome advances on four separate librarians. They spoke up and the organisation agreed to push him out. And this was 1905, so you imagine it must have been very bad. Yes. Yeah. Very bad.

His daughter-in-law was once said to have fled his home to avoid his overtures. That's quite a nice way of putting it. And he was still settling sexual harassment suits at the age of 78 years old. Oh, Dewey. They haven't taken his name off the Dewey Decimal System. They could just call it the Library Decimal System.

Because maybe he hadn't done enough. But it's at this stage I would like to tell you about his anti-Semitism and racism. Oh, my gosh. Why not? Welcome to the mix. The Lake Placid Club banned Jews, blacks, and others from membership in a policy written by Dewey himself.

Oh, yeah. We should just call this the library decimal system now. Yeah, I think so. Yeah. Out of fear, he brought the land over from Lake Placid because he was scared the Jews were going to purchase it. His words, not mine. Wow.

Okay. And the New York State Board of Rights received a petition demanding the removal as a state librarian because of his involvement in this exclusionary thing. And they did public rebuke. And he's also had a medal that was named after him renamed. You'd think that, well, this all happened in 1905 and all the things and they kicked him off the board and surely the medal was renamed. We know better now.

In 1907, for example. 2020 was the year that they finally decided to not name themselves. But they still haven't renamed the Dewey Decimal System. Still called the Dewey Decimal System. Yeah. And then after that, Melvin Dewey. Just call it the Library Decimal System. Yeah.

Because the decimals are a very crucial part of it. Yes. The Reference Decimal System. Because it's the only reference box, right? Perfect. We've done it. Right here. We've solved the problem.

We solve issues at Fletchfond and Hayley. We solve issues. Let's get it done. We solve issues at Fletchfond and Hayley. Got an issue. We'll have a crack. Fletchfond and Hayley. Done.

Great. That was free. I'm glad I didn't pay for it. To be fair, it's not worth a dollar. Today's fact of the day is the Dewey system. Dewey system? The Dewey decimal system is named after a racist sex pest. Fact of the day, day, day, day, day.

Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley. What's your jobby? What's your jobby? What's your jobby? What's your jobby? We don't know and we never guess it right. No, we're terrible at this game. We weren't last year.

Yeah, we had a good run last year. Well, we ask you three questions about your job and then we've got one guess. If we can do that, you win $100 cash. Good morning, Tony. Good morning. How are you? Really good. Thank you, Tony. Chipper, she's in the car.

She's Chipper. Got a very clear voice.ipper, she's in the car. She's Chipper, got a very clear voice. Yes, she's a chatter. My first question, and I'm not going to take credit for this, it's producer Shannon's question. Oh, it's good. She said, you've got to ask this. Is your job something that would be a costume at first scene? Or a costume store?

Look sharp. Like, look sharp, yeah. Is your job... Definitely not. Okay, is it a costume store. Look sharp. Like, look sharp, yeah. It's your job. Definitely not. It's not a costume job. So we don't have a nurse, a doctor, or a Native American. What was that, Tony? Sharp is a clue. You're not allowed to give us clues.

Shut up. Shut up, Tony. Tony, sharp is a clue. It's her game now. You're not the soundkeeper. You're not Tony the secret sound soundkeeper. Sharp is a clue. It's her game now. You're not the sound keeper. You're not Tony the secret sound sound keeper. Wait, hang on. Okay, you've given it to us, but shut your mouth from now on. Okay, so you don't have a job that has like a nurse uniform or a costume.

Or a pirate. Or Sharp is a clue. Or an international reporter. Sharp is a clue. I reckon that's almost one of our questions. I feel like we should lose a question. We should lose a question because Tony's given us a hint. We're so bad at this.

No, we're so bad at this. Hayley, your question. Sharp. Do you work, Tony, with food? No. Well, no sharp knives. No sharp knives. Horn. Because I was thinking

Glass Oh yeah Which is sharp When it's broken Like a joiner Or a glazer Yeah Do you work

In the construction industry Definitely not Oh shivers Shit Could mean sharp But I do this big thing Oh Shut up

Tony You're breaking The international rule. We're taking off $10. You get $90 if you win. What's your jobby? You get $90 now. I was going to say sharp like a nurse with needles or something.

No, she's not a nurse. But then doesn't... Because there's no costume. That would be a costume. That would be a costume. Unless she is confused and she's a phlebotomist. And she fixes things. Again, her clue that she has.

Her clue. $10 clue. Yeah, okay. Well, one guess. Her clue. $10 clue. Okay, well, one guess. One guess. Sharp. What are you doing? Like, sharp.

Shaving sharp. She fixes things. Are you a shaver? Fixes the look of my private genitals. I thought maybe like a waxer. Oh, like a waxer. Like a sharp pain. Sharp and fixes things. Okay, we are going to need a guess now.

Okay, hang on. For Tony's job. Electrician. Why is that? Fixes things and sharp. Sharp things that cut wires. Fixes things. Yeah, maybe.

Can't dress it. Oh, no, because it's not in construction. It's not in construction. Not in construction. It's not in construction. Going to need to guess. Okay. Hairdresser?

Sharp scissors. They can't dress up in it. It fixes bad haircuts. When you cut your bad hair off. Yeah. Yeah. Okay, Tony, is your job, E, that of a hairdresser? No.

Oh, what's your job? Even with all of those clothes. Well, you were very close. I am a nurse, but I don't wear a uniform. I wear civvies, and I inject Botox and pus. Oh! Fixes things like my mega face. See, I would have said yes to the costume thing,

and then we would have guessed nurse. But cosmetic nurses don't wear, like, your traditional... Yeah, I think they did. Nah. Or a scrub of some sort. Or they wear like their... So you're like, you're Tony, you're the reason Hayley's upper head doesn't move.

Mmm. Well, not me personally. You can't tell if I'm frowning happy, you'll just never know. Tony, thank you for playing. Let's go to Matthew. Good morning, Matthew. Welcome to What's Your Jobby.

Good morning, how are you? Really good, really good. Do you work, Matthew, do you work outdoors predominantly? No, not predominantly. In and out. In and out. In and out. Okay.

Where are you from? Where's your accent from? Northern England. Fun. Lovely. I love the UK. Matthew, does your job involve any driving? Oh, great question.

Yes. Angling for courier. Good question. Good question. He's got chipper energy like that of a courier or a truck driver. You're a truck driver? Truck drivers love it. Love it, yeah.

Shut up, shut up, shut up. Shut up, shut up, shut up. We're going to have to start gagging these callers. The vehicle that you drive, is it big or small? It's real big. He's a big truck driver. Oh, okay. Okay, have we got a win here?

Vaughn, hit it out of the park. Matthew, are you a truck driver? Ding, ding. Yeah! That's your job, B. We guessed your ding. Yay! That's your jobie. We know the jobie. That's your jobie. That's your jobie.

That's your jobie. We did it. Oh, so good, Matthew. Congratulations. Wait, Matthew, are you in your truck now? I am. I am. Also a long-time listener, first-time caller.

Oh! Yeah! Can we get a toot-toot in return? Oh, the horn's broken. Oh, what? Matthew. You've got a broken horn. Go get your horn fixed.

Don't sound the fleek. Don't sound the fleek. Okay, okay. Well, Matthew, congratulations. Good to notch up a win. Feel good. For 2025. Have a great day on the road there, Matthew.

Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley. Can I say what just happened without saying? I was trying to have a sniff of a vivid. Well, there's a new Sharpie. Man, and it's cool too. I thought it was a highlighter, right? Yeah, it's a Sharpie Pro. And we were all giving it a little sniff.

Oh, no, I didn't even sniff it. I just, Fletch, please. Oh, no, that's too much. It's too strong. I have it in the cap and it smelt. And I signed my name and then a pungency from the paper hit me. I said, Fletch, have a sniff of this because he loves sniffing belts. We love it.

And he was like, whoa. And then Hayley's like, give us a sniff. And as she leaned in, Fletch went whoop and did a felt line down her nose. You've only made it worse. Have I? Oh, no, sorry. It was a shadow. It was a shadow.

You've only made it worse. Oh, no, that's just your face. It was under the nose. I thought you rubbed it and gone forward. Okay, the Hitler moustache is gone. Thank goodness. We can continue the show. Now, producer Shannon, we've talked about your flat a lot.

What did you call it just before? A hovel of sorts? Oh, it's a favela. A favela, which is the British... Yeah, favela. No, the Brazilian slums. Yeah. Brazilian slums.

But full of life And variety And culture Well yeah And you can do tours around them When you go to South America Shannon runs a tour Of her favela Yeah

I can see it Yep If you get in the lift Sometimes there's men lurking in there And they give you frights That's my favourite thing about ours And there's also a sign In your apartment

That says Drug dogs operate Yeah all the time And there's They come around And they're real cute. That's wild. But there is some drama at the moment.

Two big emails this week. So we've got some bug dogs coming around. Bug dogs? I don't know if that's a thing, Shannon. Yeah, no, apparently it is, like biosecurity dogs. And so they're doing two floors a day. So I'm on Thursday. They will use a master key come into our apartment

with a dog and they will smell for cockroaches and bed bugs if we get caught with them we get a fine and an exterminator will come in but you get a fine

but what if that's not your fault well I guess if it's like an infestation but also it just happens sometimes yeah I mean I've never luckily

seen anything because I'm eight floors up so bugs don't come up so we're all good bugs famously can't crawl up walls yeah I've never luckily seen anything because I'm eight floors up, so bugs don't come up. So we're all good. Bugs famously can't crawl up walls. Yeah. I've never seen a bug other than on the floor. Yeah, they get to the ground floor first step

and they're like, no. No, it's too high. Ah! They climb up a wall and they look down because it's so small, it's so high. And they're like, no! No. But I'm excited for that

because I hope it's a cute little beagle or something and he's snuffing for bugs. You can't pet them. They're working. But if I'm like, that because I hope it's a cute little beagle or something and he's sniffing for bugs. You can't pet them. They're working. But if I'm like, I don't have bugs, don't worry. No, no, you can't pet them. Also, are there dogs that sniff out bugs? Yeah.

I guess like airports do it, right? Right. By air security. But it's not anything. You're going to have to put the luncheon in the fridge that day. Yeah. No, he doesn't care for luncheon. He's a dog specialist.

Okay, right. Yeah. Being trained. The other big drama, so they sent this email saying someone is throwing rotting food off their balcony. Oh, for God's sake.

They said... Your apartment. I reckon it'll be the people with the cockroaches. Potentially. I reckon they're trying to lure them out. All in one spot.

What they've said to counteract this scoundrel is they have hired someone to watch CCTV permanently. So someone's sitting there watching us constantly now. Yeah. The second they find out who's been throwing the food, they will then be fined the wages of this person they've hired. So not only do you get in trouble...

This feels so unmoderated. What's the word? Like, not... It's lawless. Yeah, yeah,'s the word? Like, not law. It's lawless. Yeah, yeah, it does. It feels like it's its own system. It feels unofficial. It's building itself as its own functioning mini-civilisation.

I don't think hiring a bodyguard and then saying, if we catch you doing something naughty, you have to pay for the salary, is in the tenancy tribunal. I don't think that's a thing. I don't know, but I'm kind of here for it. I kind of think it's great. Yeah, because you're not thrown it, right?

Have you thought about just chucking a rogue cabbage off just to see what happens? No, but when I cut my hair, I put my hair on the balcony for the pigeons. Wait, wait, wait. We will need to just delve into that, Shannon. Just pause the story. Why?

When you cut your hair, it's good for the birds because they put it in their nest. People will text in 9696. It's a thing. Don't go to them. Don't you know. Don't you go to them. Leave them out of it.

No. I know this. Text machine has proved time and time again, Shannon, it's not on your side. It's a thing. But basically. But you've got a bin. No, it's for the birds.

It's for the good of the world. They don't need you. How much are you cutting off? Yeah, they do. They're like long hair. A couple inches. But then I put my hair out on the balcony. Pigeons didn't want it.

And then I felt shame. I left it there three days and then I took it back. Oh, yeah. So there was manky hair on your balcony for three days. It's not manky. It's pretty cute.

It's blonde. That is good hair. Don't worry about this. It's not naked. It's pretty cute. It's blonde. It is good here. Don't worry about this. I worry so deeply. Yeah, so I'm not the rotting food person, but the bug dogs are coming. It would be so funny if it all came out that you were. And you'd just been lying to us and you were like,

I've been throwing fruit out the windows. No, I haven't. But I'm excited to see if they get caught. But someone's watching your apartment from the outside every day. Yeah, someone's job is to sit there and see who's throwing food. Do they have all the cameras, all angles covered? Have they got cameras or somebody's actually watching? They've left it quite ambiguous in the email.

They have to be watching the old footage, right? Because if you got this email, you'd stop doing it. Yeah, you would. Yes. So it wouldn't make any sense. Yes. You'd think people would stop. But is it all... But maybe doubling down on bug

week is their strategy. They're stressed with the bugs. Maybe there's not even a dog that smells bugs. It's just they want to get inside people's apartments to see who's leaving blonde hair on their deck. Or who's got a tomato plant growing inside. Oh dear, Shannon.

Well, keep us updated. Oh, I just realised I did the whole show with my headphones on backwards. Well, that means the show's backwards then, isn't it? We're going to have to play this in reverse. Well, should we speak in reverse and hopefully they'll work out the other way? Give us a review. and hopefully they'll work out the other way. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes.

Give us a review. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley.