ZM's Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley - Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley's Big Pod - 11th of February, 2025

Episode Date: February 10, 2025

WE'RE TALKING LESS WORDS SLP - WHAT NOISE DO YOU FALL ASLEEP TO?  66 BLOCKS OF CHOC AND MAYO  TOP 6 WAYS YOU CAN TELL THEY'RE YEAR 14  WHAT YOU SHOULD TALK ABOUT ON A DATE WHAT DID YOU LEARN FROM COSMO MAG?  SUPERBOWL WRAP UP SCHOOL UNIFORM PRICES  VAUGHAN CRIED AT THE GYM  WHAT HAPPENED WHEN YOU GOT THE TRAINEE? FOTD  HAYLEY'S MASSAGE EXPERIENCE MOST COMMON ICKS ACCORDING TO TIKTOK VIDEO DATA See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

For a few years, in the 1970s, the Mr Asia syndicate made millions. Heroin creates its own market. It acts like a form of play. Until jealousy, betrayal and murder brought it all crashing down. Then he just pulled out a gun, shot her in the back of the head, and then said to Wayne, you're going to help me bury her. This is Mr Asia, A Forgotten History. All episodes now available on iHeartRadio, Apple, Spotify, or wherever you get your podcasts.

From the ZM Podcast Network. This is Flesh, Fawn and Hayley's Big Pod. Thanks to Animates, making happy happen for pets. It's ZM's Flesh, Fawn and Hayley. Thanks Bryn, good morning, welcome to the show. Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley's Secret Sound. Day one yesterday, you'd be surprised, it wasn't one. It wasn't one.

Some good guesses though. Yeah, I think it's a hard sound. Yeah, I think so too. And then I think we'll find out what it is and we'll go, oh. Like every time. There was a guess of a hole punch yesterday. So somebody cross that off the list. Take it off.

You'll be happy to know it is not a hole punch. It's a popular guess. Every secret sound. Well, your chance to play next is coming up at 7 o'clock. We'll play right throughout the day at 7, 8, 11, 1, 4 and 5. The current jackpot, $10,000 for ZM's secret sound. Not bad. not bad. Coming up, the top six.

Top six ways you can tell someone in the other rowing team is a year 14. This has been a long-standing controversy that some students who excel at rowing particularly stay on for another go at year 13. Yeah, when everyone else has left. Go off to uni or whatever. Yeah.

They don't have anything planned so they hang around and do seven form again meaning that they can participate in rowing cups. That's real peak at high school kind of stuff. It's cheeky. It's cheeky, cheeky. Oh, it's cheeky. Well, the top six signs,

one of the people in the rowing squad's a bit old to be there. Yeah. Silly little poll soon as well. What noise do you fall asleep to? Is it like complete silence? Is it white noise? Is it the hum of the fan? Is it audio books?

The results soon, but next. Apparently humans are doing something less, and I'm not sure that this actually applies to me. Play ZM's F Flashborn and Hayley. Here is a study out of the University of Arizona and the way they've done it is quite interesting. They make people wear this little wearable device and periodically throughout your day for the period of study,

it will take little snippets of audio. You don't really get to... Wait, no thanks. Well, they're not really looking into what you're saying. They're counting how many words you're saying during the day. And what if you're having a goss with your friends? Like a real juicy goss. Or you're like, guys, I have to tell you something,

but you cannot tell anyone. I've done something really, really bad. And it's like, beep, beep. And it just turns on. I mean, it's no different than if you've got a smart speaker in your house. Like, they're listening all the time.

They are listening all the time, eh? Because how are they always ready for us to say, hey? Yeah. Hey Siri, hey Alexa.

Don't, every time, yep, Siri goes, every time we're referencing you, I don't actually need you. Well, they were trying to see

how many words people are saying a day, on average. So they did this huge study with a lot of people. This study lasted 13 years, so it's got good data on it. Oh, wow. Okay.

Apparently, since 2005, our average number of words that we speak a day has dropped 3,000. Oh, wow. Okay. And they're saying that it's because we're heads in phones, we're texting more, we're messaging more, rather than talking face to face. Or calling

someone. Because that's right, like picking up a phone and making a phone call is words. So, and how often women speak compared to men, how many more words, because it is more. It's only a thousand. But it is

more interesting. Yeah, but no, I mean, a thousand words is absolutely nothing. It's really not a lot over the course of a day. Mostly it's things like feelings. What do they say the average for a radio 30 second ad script is 75? 75 words. 75 words. 75 words.

So that's 30 seconds of non-stop talking. With a little bit of an up-pace. We've got a big sale on. Yeah, you're right. Come on down this weekend. So that takes 30 seconds to say 75 words. Yeah. I would say so many more. So apparently it's, on average, 13,000 words a day.

Wow, okay. We would do more, right? We would do so much more. But we're professional speakers. And I'm also obsessed with the sound of my own voice. Yeah, but what about when you leave work? Oh, that's great. I don't have to talk to anyone.

Yeah, because you can just, you could, I could, because sometimes I'll get to work and I haven't spoken a word until I get into the studio. Yeah. Well, that's the same as me. Yeah, and it's like, isn't that weird? And then if I went home and no one was there, I could almost go the whole day not saying anything, I reckon.

Do you not talk to yourself much? Internally. Oh, yeah, yeah. I might, like, for example, we talked about that giant horse I saw. Yeah. On the podcast. Which so many people have said, Vaughan, I've got to see this horse. I've got to see the horse.

I've got to get a photo of this horse in all its glory. That was, I said, I talked out loud. I was like, holy shit, that's a huge horse. I would have thought that was i said i talked out loud i was like holy shit that's a huge horse i would have thought you were just like yeah i kind of surprised myself that the words came out loud i reckon if i was by myself i wouldn't speak bugger all yeah and i don't make too many phone calls you don't make phone calls like you used to i can totally see how you just don't this is why it's bad when they say people just isolate themselves and live alone from people. Yeah. And then they go down some

kind of conspiracy hole or you know. Yeah. And it's odd. They don't have social connection. Because I'm such a talker and if ever if I'm like, wake up and it's a weekend and I don't have plans and Aaron's not around. Yeah. Yeah. I'll only like say a few things like, ha ha ha, let's have a bit of that out loud.

And talk to the cat. Yeah. And then have to find people. Well, I think we should stop. Are you trying to tell us that you're a bit worried you're going to go down a conspiracy hole?

You're like, people live by themselves and they don't talk to enough people. No, by the way, that MAGA hat looks great. This is your dream to live in the middle of nowhere. Yeah.

Yeah, you would speak 13,000 words probably like every six months. Yeah. Ideal. Okay, well, let's call it there because we need to be speaking less to abide by this study. What they say, we should be speaking less or we should be speaking more.

It says that we are speaking less. Well, we need to be speaking more. What's the correlation to the downfall of society? Now, this study didn't look into the downfall of society. I was wondering if causation and correlation. I feel like if you look around the world. I think more of us should shut up. That's what I think in terms of the downfall of society.

Maybe a few more closed mouths. Silly Little Poe next. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley. Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley. Silly Little Poe. Silly Little Poe. It is so silly, silly, silly. That silly little Poe. Silly Little Pole on this day, February 11, 2025, is what sound do you fall asleep to?

We've got earplugs. Absolute silence. Do you? You ever tried a brown? Nah. When your ear's a plug, though, do you not think about all the horrible things you've said and done in life and it keeps you awake for hours on end?

No. Right, because I'm just drowning that out. That's my only thing. Or as you put the earplug in, an ant had just gone in and now you've trapped it in there with nothing but your brain. And it's like... Yeah, it's trying to get out. It's through your ear drain.

You wake up, you take the thing out, now you're completely deaf. No, that doesn't happen. I'm usually brown noise. Doesn't or hasn't yet? Hasn't yet. Hasn't yet. I'm usually brown noise, but recently I've been listening to books. Really?

Or audiobooks. No, it's brown noise. Game-changing. Yeah, it's so good, eh? Yeah. Like the other night, the brown noise I play off a smart speaker, but we're on Starlink.

Do apologize for the Elon Musk support there. You're in now though, aren't you? Yeah. Oops. Oops. My drone, a Tesla, you know? Oops. Your Tesla sales are down.

Oops. It drops out every now and then when it finds a new satellite and the noise cut out and I woke up just like immediately. Like, what's happening? Well, yeah, Tesla sales are down. It drops out every now and then when it finds a new satellite. And the noise cut out and I woke up just like immediately. Like, what's happening? And then it started raining and I was like, ah, nature's brown noise. Yeah, the OG brown noise.

Yeah, the OG brown noise. God, I saw Elon's satellites the other day. I was looking up watching the stars and me and Aaron were like, what's that? And we just saw them circling. I was like, oh. We're on holiday. My mum was reading the local paper when we were staying in Tauranga at the Mount and it said in the local paper,

tonight the satellites will go over at 9.03. Oh. And so she was like, it's nine o'clock, let's go see the satellites. So we walked out onto the beach and we watched it go over. Oh, hello. And my old man, it blew his mind. It is freaky.

It is. This train of lights. If you've never seen it, it's wild. Yeah, that's bizarre. So what sound do you fall asleep to? The winner is silence or nothing. Wow. 53% of people said that.

Second was white noise slash fan. I'm going to check the brown noise under that. Oh yeah, we've got a fan. Sleep with a fan on. Is it an old school propeller fan Oh yeah, we've got a fan. Sleep with a fan on. Is it an old school propeller fan? Yeah, it's got propellers but it's a bit flash.

But it makes a nice flash. Nice noise. I'm doing alright. Television or other videos was 13% and other was 11%. Why don't people just leave the TV on? No way. I guess if you fall asleep watching movies, right, and then your laptop's just kind of

hooning through a show. I want to know what the other is. We might find it in the comments. Prateek says, I've been listening to Harry Potter audiobooks for the last 15 years before bed. Takes me a maximum of 10 minutes to fall asleep no matter the time zone. Best way to train your body and avoid jet lag.

Is that Stephen Fry? His voice is amazing. I know, but when you listen to books, you do wake up and then you go, okay, where did I get to? I don't think this person's even watching them for anything other than brain camera. Avril, not Levine, said... Imagine if it

was Avril Levine. That would be so exciting. Yeah. On a Tuesday. Who knows? Maybe we'll come across Avril Lavigne in the comments soon. Avril said, baby noise machines got me hooked. So once the babies moved into their own rooms, I had to download an app on my own phone for white noise. White noise. Yeah.

Next, Avril Lavigne. I listened to my single Complicated. Oh, my God. Avril, it's so nice to hear from you. Good morning. Yeah. I knew she was a listener of the show. How's she doing with her Lyme disease?

She's okay. I think she's doing all right. She's thriving. Okay, good. By the way, this is the clone that messaged in. Oh, right, okay. You know, the Avril Lavigne story that she died and she got replaced with a clone. Oh, yeah, of course.

Samantha says, headspace sleep casts. Oh, yeah, meditation. Oh. That's a little bit of Balinese. Headspace has all sorts of meditations. You're falling asleep, you're doing this Oh okay Remember when you were really rude to your mum when you were 14

and she cried? Yeah Yeah remember that She does She thinks about it all the time It really hurt her That's the anxious app that you've downloaded I've downloaded the wrong one That's not the meditation app

Anxiety Pro You've got the subscription app Anxiety Pro Damn I've got the wrong app You've got the subscription To Anxiety Pro You're gonna die young Remember when that person Was waving

And you waved back But they weren't waving at you They were waving at the person Behind you Now go to sleep Yeah go to sleep What the hell is that What's wrong with you

Go to sleep loser Lisa said all I get to hear Is my partner snoring Like a freight train Lisa you deserve better Get him one of those magnet things that opens his nose up

open that nose open that schnozza CN says it's hot and humid and sweaty in Sydney at the moment if you don't have the dulcet swish

of a ceiling fan good luck getting any sleep at all oh yeah hot um Faye Stubbs what a name Faye Stubbs

Faye Stubbs nice to hear from you your podcast every night when I fall asleep I rewind and listen to the from you Your podcast every night When I fall asleep I rewind and Listen to the bits I miss the next time I mean we appreciate you listening

But thanks for calling us boring It's wild that like People have done this for years They'll listen to the podcast and drift off to sleep So they're listening now maybe Oh my god goodnight you little sweetie Goodnight Who kissed them?

I did. Who kissed Hayley? Hayley. I did. Didn't ask. That wasn't consented. Just a little goodnight kiss. Where?

Forehead. Okay. Forehead. Only just acceptable. Carl, not this one, says, cats purrs. Yeah, that's pretty cute. Salil says says crime podcasts. What?

Casey's voice is so soothing somehow. Is that like a well-known one? Yeah. But at the moment, it's Jack Reacher's latest audio book. Jack Reacher, the new TV series is coming out soon. Yeah, real soon. Like a month away, I think, or end of this month. Emma said can only go to sleep listening to Stephen Fry reading Harry Potter books.

Oh, another one. Yeah, there you go. Bedtime, nothing. Naptime, TV. I voted nothing because bedtime happens more than naptime, unfortunately. Okay. And Brown Noise for the win. Jess is on Team Brown Noise, so top stuff.

That silly little poem. Play. ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley. A woman has been arrested, 28-year-old, has been arrested for theft. Okay. Not good. From a supermarket.

We don't condone. We don't. And I always, it's really sad when you see someone, like, stealing to feed their family. Stealing for need. Yeah, yeah. Desperation. That sucks and I get conflicted. However, it might be a hard defense when you steal 66 blocks of chocolate,

primarily Ghana peppermint from the photo. What? Whitaker's Ghana peppermint. Okay. Which is, it's yum. Is that the one with the creamy inside?

The creamy peppermint inside. Oh, yeah, okay. Don't you buy that to make that really yum South African pud? Peppermint crisp? Is that what that South African pud's called? I don't know, but I like a peppermint garner. I thought you were from South Africa.

Yeah, yeah. Sorry, I slipped right into my learnt New Zealand accent. But no, I don't. I like the garner chocolate, but I don't. I wouldn't eat 66 rocks. South African pudding. Oh, Mr. Sweetie Man. Mr. Sweetie Man. Mr. Sweetie Man.

Yeah, peppermint crisp. I don't know if that's the chocolate. Anyway, there's a ton of that. I mean, I don't condone. But if I'm buying, if I'm stealing, sorry, 66 blocks of chocolate, I'm mixing it up. I'm getting a bit of caramel. I'm getting a bit of bicky.

The police found it ditched. It's the bag that she carried out of the store on security footage. It's her stuff. And they pulled it open. And just the Ghana peppermint is all on the top, giving you the impression that all the chocolate is Ghana peppermint. But she may have got some other flavours. I think she may have got some other flavours.

We might have a berry biscuit in there. Okay. Oh, berry biscuit. Do you know why she went wrong? Didn't get any almond golds. I'd steal a backpack, all of those sons of bitches. If we go and steal it. If we go and steal it.

We'll get an old backpack full of almond golds. And, okay... I'd steal a backpack, all of those sons of bitches. If we go and steal it. If we go and steal it. We'll get an old backpack full of almond golds. And, okay, so 66 bars of chocolate, 10 tubs of mayonnaise, 10 tubs of mayonnaise? Paul's momentarily best foods mayonnaise. Great mayo. Supporter of the Comedy Festival. It is indeed. Are they doing the Comedy Festival?

My mayo of choice. It's every comedian's mayo of choice just because they're terrified if they side with any other mayo Big Mayo's going to sideline them from the gala They're going to pull us from the gala They're not going to have you in the gala If you are eating any other As the host of the gala

I exclusively eat these foods Bizarre combination of foods to steal And 13 bottles of shampoo I thought you were going to say champagne And I was sort of on board with this evening Sounds like a party. Yeah. Champagne, mayonnaise, and garnished chocolate.

Yes. Well, I'll find a use for the mayo. It's bizarre. A bizarre amount of individual. Yeah. Shampoo. Yeah. It kind of feels like a panic swoop.

Do you know what I mean? Like they've just gone in with their bag and they've gone swoop, swoop, swoop. Yeah, but it's not one of those like when 30 seconds in an aisle. Even then that's a terrible use of a 30 second trolley ramp. Shampoo, mayo and shockey.

They've taken it back into the store and they've laid it all out on the convey about. And it's an insane amount of stuff. 66 blocks is a lot. And we're talking Whitaker's, right? Yes. We're getting spending. At least they've got taste. Yeah, they've really decorated it. At least they have respect for themselves. 66 blocks is a lot and talk about Whittaker's right yes we're getting spending at least they've got taste

yeah at least they have respect for themselves do you know what I mean endless moment of desperation it's like when it's all laid out it's like it's taking up the whole

conveyor belt basically and the chocolate's stacked that's a lot of shampoo it's just a lot of stuff yeah did they ask did they I think there's conditioner as well

because when it says shampoo I was like oh yeah we don't want dry hair well I'm seeing you know how shampoo's got the lid at the top and conditioner's got it at the bottom and you sit beside each other so you know the difference? I can see some tops and some bottoms. Oh, yeah.

So they found this person. How did they find it? How did they find the person? People literally were like, that woman's stealing 66 blocks of chocolate. Oh, my God. Excuse me, sir. Excuse me, police. And did they ask why? They were just doing, the police were just patrolling.

And a public member came over, a member of the public, public member? A public member. A public member. A public member came over and was just like, that person's stealing a weird lot of chocolate. I would, okay, I'm not, again, I don't condone. But if I'm stealing, I'm going in, I'm surpassing fruit and veg. Do you know what I mean? I'm not here for that.

Right. I'm going meat. Because that's why some places put some, those beeper tags on the meat. Yeah, on the meat. On the meat tags. Did they? Yeah, on the meat tags. And it beeps as they go out.

Because I remember there was a woman I saw shoving steaks up her skirt at my old supermarket where we used to live and waddling around. And I just was, I didn't think anything. I think she wasn't quite right. Yeah, right. She wasn't well. So I went to the info desk.

I was like, there's someone over there and they've shoved like steaks up their pants. And they had it in those like drip trays. You know the ones, hey, I've got a real problem with the modern drip tray. The one where the plastic Is grooved I like the flat plastic With the Tampax Shield in the bottom

Yeah same But now they've got These grooves And you try to rinse them Before a sign And it goes Boom Yeah

So it was the old ones With the flat And the pad And she was Putting them up her pants And the security guard Was like oh yeah We know who

And they went over Andughn knocked on her? Why? So that they'd reduce the clear rate, and then he'd get the reduced clear rate. And I'd get some gooch steaks. Wait, so you're like, can I take those fresh from the pants? Those ones that are now room temperature because they've been warmed up by a vagina and an anus. If I could get that.

Play ZM's Fletch Vaughn and Hayley. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley. From Vaughan's free trial of Microsoft Word, this is The Top Six. I'm just reading more about this insane story about banning year 14s from New Zealand's, they're saying New Zealand's largest high school sporting competition, the Marty Cup.

Yeah, it's huge. Yeah, it's massive. Rowing. Oh, and Hamilton huge. Yeah, it's massive. Rowing. Oh, and Hamilton Boys High School is mentioned a few times throughout this article. Now, the problem was that year 14 isn't a year, is it? Year 14's not a year. It's repeating your final year of school.

But even what qualifies you to do that, bugger all, because if it happens at the start of the year, you can actually leave school straight afterwards, straight after the Marty Cup. And it only works, the rule changed from you had to be under 19 at the start of the year, because apparently when that was the case, it pretty much qualified everybody to come back and do another year, to under 18, which meant if you were born in the first few months of the year, such as myself, we never did year zero at school. Whereas when you join the school year later in the year,

you year zero, so technically you're older. You turn 18 in your final year of high school, whereas I didn't turn 18 until I was out of high school. But obviously the issue is that these, what, they'd be bigger units. So they are. They are.

100%. In defending the inclusion of a year 14 rower in the Hamilton Boys High School crew last year, former headmaster Susan Hussle told Radio New Zealand that for students heading off to the US on college scholarships, their placement offers were often contingent

on satisfying additional academic requirements. So the school year in America doesn't start until halfway through the year. We'll make it work. We'll keep them on. We'll make this work. Hey, I'm all for a loophole. I love a loophole.

But the loophole's been shut. Now year 14 rowers, banned. But I've got the top six ways to see that a rower was a year 14. It's today's top six. Okay. Number six on the list. They've already put on their fresher 15.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Stacked. They're just like, that child is weighing down the boat at one end but has nothing but pure power. We love this. Number five on the list are the top six ways to see that a rower is a year 14.

They row with a pack of, a six pack of brewskis under their chair. Oh, why not? And then when they finish, they pop an open brewskis with the whole team. Alright, ladies. Here we go. And they're like, we can't. We're just boys. We're just baby boys. Number four on the list of the top six ways to see that Aurora is a year 14.

They will not stop bragging about how they get to vote. You know how when you turn 18, everyone's bragging. I can vote now. I can vote. Look at me. Look at me. I can vote now. I'm a big boy.

I get to decide. And then just vote for whoever their parents voted for. Yeah, that's what I did. All right, number three on the list of the top six ways to see that Aurora is a year 14. They've grown a really shitty moustache, but they think it's pretty cool. Yeah.

Quite wispy. They're waxing it. You know what I mean? They're putting like the beard wax and stuff. Yeah, and they'll run a bit of mascara on it to give it a sort of a thicker appearance. No, there's no mascara on it, sure. Yeah. What do we make of it? It's fluffy. Yeah, it's fluffy. a bit of mascara on it to give it a sort of a thicker appearance. No, there's not mascara on it, sure. Yeah.

I don't wear makeup. It's fluffy. Yeah, it's fluffy. It's crumbling. It's crumbling. Number two on the list of the top six ways to see that a rower is a year 14. They come to Marty Cup with a bag of laundry

for their mum to do. Because they're already outflating. Oh, 100%. Yeah. Hi, Mum. What's in the bag? All my clothes. Can you wash them for me, chance. Hi, Mom. What's in the bag? All my clothes. Can you wash them for me, please?

Oh, okay. And number one on the list of the top six ways to see the Raras of year 14. They're telling you how Otago University is so rad, and there's chicks from all over that go there, and they're all down for it, and they've had heaps as they, and their flat's really cool, and it's cold and stuff,

but there's 15 dudes living there, and it only costs $400 a week, and it's just life. You guys probably wouldn't get it because you're still kids. You guys are just babies. You guys are just babies. I remember I was a baby last year, life. You guys probably wouldn't get it because he's still kids. You guys are just babies. I remember I was a baby last year too. You guys are babies. I'm just not a baby anymore. I'm a big grown man with a shitty moustache. Do you guys want

an export ultra? That is today's Top 6. There is a dating expert from the UK who has compiled a list of first date questions that will get the conversation flowing. It's not about interrogating them, she says, or forcing heavy conversations about being present and listening actively and sharing your authentic self. Who's your starter Pokemon? Are you leaving now?

I've scanned the list and I don't believe that's on here. Okay. That's not on here. Best Dragon Ball Z saga. Wow. Would you be leaving the date? Favourite Warriors season. What about favourite Warriors season?

2002. Every season. Yeah, good answer. Because it's the go because up the wars. Up the wars. Yes. That's how I'd respond to that. Yep.

Great stuff. My alarm bells will be going off and I'll be like, I've got some differences with this man. Yeah. Do you understand the basic premise of Dungeons and Dragons? There's dungeons and boy, are they filled with dragons.

Filled with dragons. Okay, so she's put them in categories, pop culture, travel, food and drink, everyday stuff.

Okay. I'm just going to pick a couple from each because I think some of these are really good as opposed to getting heavy,

which I think was a bit of a trend, right? People being like, do you want babies? What do you want? Like, what's your preference

of this? Like out of COVID and lockdown, people are like, well, we've lost time. We need to make up time. Yeah, being like, do you want babies? What do you want? What's your preference of this? Out of COVID and lockdown, people are like, well, we've lost time. We need to make up time. How many kids do you want? How many babies will you have with me? What are their names? What's your mum like? It's the first day in this cafe. I thought this was a good one.

What are three movies I have to see before I die? Basically, what are your top three movies? Ace Ventura, Pet Detective. I don't really have favourite movies, so. Willy Wonka and

the Chocolate Factory. Oh yeah, like that's a classic. Night Night. Great. The Heath Ledger is joking. Yeah. Between the three of us,

we've come up with a good list there. What's your go-to karaoke song? Willy Wonka, Ace Ventura, and the Secret Pet. We have fine taste. That's a great list.

Okay, this is in your pop culture music TV movies. Oh, I like this one. What's a great list. Okay, this is in your pop culture music TV movies. Oh, I like this one. What's a song that makes you cry? It's not time. I was about to say Father and Son, Cat Stevens. Okay, travel.

This is a good one if I was on a date with Fletch. If we're going on a plane right now, where are we going? In Chicago. We're not booking that late. We've got to book out three months and get a good airfare. Okay, I'm not putting that. Neither of of you getting a second date at this point Oh god, you've left it bloody late You've left it like an airfare Now we're getting on a plane

Have you seen how much it costs? Okay, best travel hack you swear by Packing sales Oh, packing sales Oh my god Stop, stop, I'm too horny. Okay, food and drink. Favourite pasta shape?

Great question. Great question. You can't go wrong. We've discussed this before. Which one's pappardelle? Big fat ribbons. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah, those are good.

Pappardelle. I do love a macaroni elbow. I saw the mac and cheese. The heavy lifter. Yeah, the heavy lifter. Yeah. What's your favourite weird food combo? Oh, apricot jam and cheese. Is that weird, I guess? Nah, that's a classic.

That's not weird. Here's some everyday stuff. What does your perfect Sunday look like? Oh, ice cream on the bottom, sauce under it, then ice cream on the top. Then more sauce and some sprinkle. Play ZM's Fletchbourne and Hayley. Play ZM's Fletchbourne and Hayley.

This is very exciting for me. I actually go on the website quite a bit, Cosmopolitan, as in Cosmopolitan magazine. I use the website, but I was an avid reader of Cosmo, and then it disappeared from our shelves many years ago because, you know, magazines were sort of, well, the internet was taking over. Yeah, they're doing it tough, aren't they?

They were doing it tough. Well, it is back. The 24th of February marks the relaunch of Cosmopolitan Australia in New Zealand. We're going to be able to buy them again. We're going to be able to rip open those sealed sections and have a little read learn a few things

now like I I feel like there was like a progression like I was into like there was like Cream and Dolly and Girlfriend I think it was Cream and Dolly and then it was Girlfriend No I think it went Cream Girlfriend Dolly because Dolly had Dolly Doctor

and a sealed section. It did have a sealed section. And then Cosmo. Which also had a sealed section but was way more adult. Full noise. Yeah. Yeah. So they're saying that they are targeting sort of millennial,

young millennial Gen Z readers. Okay. Which I think was always their target audience. Yeah. But I'm still young millennial Gen Z readers. Okay. Which I think was always their target audience. Yeah. But I'm still young millennial. And they're encouraging the... Aha, we're laughing because you're not. Shut up.

They're encouraging... You're an elder millennial. I am not an elder millennial. You're more in the target of Home and Garden magazine. Yeah. I do read New Zealand House and Garden every month. Do you know what? I'm back on the magazine buzz because of New Zealand House and Garden.

Do you know what actually blows my mind if you go down the supermarket aisle with the magazines? There's still so many. So many. Yeah. A lot of them are like home and style and garden. Yeah, targeting and older broads. Or like motor and all that kind of stuff. Yeah, horse and pony.

Sorry, I caught the end. Yeah, what? Older broads. Targeting the older broads. Yeah. I buy a monthly magazine and I look forward to it. Sorry, I caught the end. Yeah, what? Old Abroad. Targeting the Old Abroads. I buy a monthly magazine and I look forward to it. And you're an Old Abroad. At the end of every month. Producer, what day do they come out?

You sure know. It's on the Monday. It's the Monday of the last week of the month before. Producer Cameron, were you a Cosmo reader? Yeah, definitely. I mean, I loved Cream a little bit more. Yeah. And Dolly.

Their sealed section was good. Cosmo, I feel like, yes, they had the sealed section, but, like, the whole magazine was full noise. Raunchy. Yeah. Yeah. What about you, Shannon? Were you a mag girl?

Yeah, I liked the little here's how to kiss a boy part. That's as far as I went. I was a bit younger, but I loved a little One Direction pullout mag and here's how you'd kiss Harry Styles. Yes. That's to my extent. I also think we've got such access now to information that... That's a thing, yeah.

You kind of didn't before. And so when you were opening these sealed sections and it was like techniques in the bedroom, you were like, what? Because you hadn't read this anywhere else. Yeah. Now, I distinctly remember being a teenager and reading one that was giving techniques on how to please your man.

And I'll just say it involved teeth. And I remember being like, well I've just been told the complete opposite. This goes against everything you were told. A lie consensual teeth. Consensual teeth. Teeth lie. Teeth lie. Beta teeth.

Wait, how old were you when you were reading this? Teenager. Oh, my God. I remember in the school library. Yeah. The library period or whatever, we were supposed to learn how to do research in something about the Dewey Decimal System.

Yeah. Straight to the magazine racks. Yeah. And the boys were reading it as much as the girls. We wanted tips. We wanted to know. Of course. We wanted to know,

should we ever be presented with burpees? What do we do with them? Well, this is what I want to ask this morning. Teeth white or teeth? Teeth plus. This is what I want to learn. No, is what did you learn from a magazine? Like, what was the sort of rogue thing that you learned from Cosmo

or the Dolly Sealed section? Because some of them used to be like... What? I remember the quite vivid description of there was half a fruit and like it wasn't a mango and it was like

and there was how, where to put the bits. Yeah, okay. Wild. And you'd be reading this as like a teenager. Yeah, yeah, being like, huh. Do you think the parents ever knew what was in Cosmo? Yes, because I wasn't allowed to read it until I was like a particular age.

And I was a real over-Dolly-ing girlfriend. Patsy was like, had a hard rule. Yeah, then she was like, you can read Cosmo, because she was reading Cosmo. So she knew what was in Cosmo. Because Dolly Doctor was more like... Bodies. My, something smells weird.

It is. The Dolly doctor would be like, it's perfectly normal. It's perfectly normal, but maybe go to a doctor. Give it a rinse on the outside.

It's nature's amazing self-cleaning miracle. It is. Okay, well, 0800-DARLS-IT-M. We want to take your calls now. Text through 9696.

What did you learn from... Sorry, someone's just texting. The messages are coming in already. What did you learn from... Sorry, someone's just texted. The messages are coming in already. What did you learn from the magazines, be it Cosmo, Dolly, whatever? Give us a text. Give us a call. We'll get to those

next. Cosmo Mago. Mago Zeno. Cosmo Mago Zeno, guys. It's the Australian Cosmo. Yeah. It's going to relaunch back in New Zealand. Okay, we are getting some great text messages in. We want to know what you learnt from the magazines. Cosmo was the famous sealed section.

Yes, the full noise sealed section. Other magazines had sealed sections and you totally would have learnt stuff from them and we're very happy to hear about what you learnt from Dolly. Of course. Cosmo was the one that was just like, it's sealed for a reason. Yes. Yeah, we're doing a lovely radio dance this

morning. My dad found my Cosmo before I had a chance to read it and cut out the sealed section, which was titled His Penis. Oh yeah, they did. They had a big title on them with like a lock and key and you know. pull the perforated thing off. And this one is called His Penis.

Wow. Dad cut it out. Wasn't having it. I was mortified. The looks of disappointment from my father were humiliating. I feel like that's something you'd do too. Yeah. Nah.

Nah, you're pretty open. I'm trying to be real open about it. But it's funny that I, was it in a podcast or on air? I see when I walk into the room and Indy's watching a show where anybody's kissing or anybody mentions anything to do with like sex or anything,

she mutes it. She just like looks away. And then she'll unmute it when it's finished. That's so funny. Because she's always got subtitles on so she knows when they'll stop talking about it. Yeah. It's pretty good stuff.

Amazing. In the 70s, a Cosmo article discussed sexual satisfaction for girls who ride horses. And I remember all the looks I'd get from strangers in my family

when I rode my horse and I was like, they think I'm out here getting off. Just trying to ride the pony. Yeah. Oh, gosh. I was always scared

to open the sealed section in case my mum checked if I had looked at it, but I still did. How would you reseal the sealed section? You never could because it was perforated. Yeah. As a 13-year-old boy, I used to steal my older sister's Cosmos

and just educate myself on everything. Yeah, why not? Just everything. I learned all the different things you can do with a banana. Right. It has genuinely been quite valuable you can do with a banana. Right. It has genuinely been quite valuable in my adult life. Oh. Knowing how to get a...

Whoa. Okay, whoa. I don't even know what that last bit of that sentence means, so I won't read it because... Careful. Careful, careful. I learned to never do drugs. I was reading some horrific drug stories,

and one that stuck with me was a guy that nailed his hat to his head because he was on drugs and the wind kept blowing his hat off. Now that doesn't sound real. I don't know if it was true or not but it worked for me. I'd definitely be that way. I would never take drugs and I don't want to have

a bad trip where I nail my hat to my head because the wind keeps blowing it off. Now I don't know if that's true. Oh God. I don't know if that's true.

I learned about the pineapple juice thing if you know you know. If you know you know. Yeah. Yeah. We all know. Got advice to steam

things up with a lip bite. Went too hard, bit a hole in his lip and made him bleed. Oh no, no, no, no. No, it's a nibble. Yeah, it's a nibble. They should have used the word nibble. Nibble. Someone said, what about the sealed section with pictures of STDs that would scare you off having a particular sex? Yeah, but we got that at high school as well.

Like an external group came in and was like, you gonna have sex? It's gonna look like this. Oh really? Yeah, yeah. Were they like abstain? well. Like an external group came in and was like, you're going to have sex? It's got to look like this. Oh, really? Yeah, yeah. Were they like abstain? Was it an abstinence crew? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Full like, don't do it. Like a church one. Yeah. Gotcha. The photos were horrific. I still remember. I can see them if I close my eyes. Really?

Oh, God. There they are. But you still did it. And yet I still did it. And I'm not even married. You're crazy, man man You're not married At least a few times Are you married?

No Yikes And I've done it with multiple people Oh Hayley None of whom I was married to No I'll block my ears No

No Not my Hayley My joint never looked like that So ha ha Ha ha ha ha You guys just didn't do it right You just No but that's because You've been using the dental dam the whole time.

Oh, I never do it without a dental dam. Condoms and dental dams. A dental dam. There was a Cleo sealed section that taught me that, how do I describe what I'm about to say? You don't actually. During the job. During the say? You don't actually... During the job. During the job.

You don't actually... I have a friend that did. Like a balloon. Yeah. Like a balloon. Grabbed it like a balloon. Right. Well, it's in the title. What am I supposed to take from the job title?

I would have assumed. Somebody else whilst on the job learnt a trick involving pop rocks. Oh, I remember this. I remember this from the Cosmo. Oh, that doesn't sound healthy for the pH. Not if one gets down the end of the penis. No, no, you can't be having marriage. No, I don't think you should be.

I don't think we should do that. There was also a toothpaste thing. What? Yeah. I think that's for off- not me i can't no move on read that read that analogy oh no you can't you know if i can oh god yeah we're having to dance around a few of these messages um i guess you could say i learned from a cleo sales section just not just just to grab it and have at. Right. Moisture is a friend. Moisture is everybody's friend.

Like a car engine, lubrication is required to stop a burn out of the seals. That's right. Yep. You don't want to burn out a piston. No, you don't. You do not want to do that. Keep it well oiled. So there we go. I think it's important that it comes back. Those are the readable ones.

I think the magazine should be back. Well, I'm hoping. It's going to be as juicy. It's going to be as juicy because the website's very juicy but I hope it still has a sealed section

for no other reason but nostalgia. Yeah. How fun. Play ZM's Fletchborn and Hayley. Well, it was Super Bowl Sunday yesterday or Super Bowl Monday in New Zealand.

Yeah. And I turned up to a meeting and they had the halftime show projection. I caught it live. I really enjoyed it, though I did have a couple of things that I noticed. One, he really needed to get his jeans hemmed. I think you were talking about the actual game.

I don't care about the game. I saw it at the gym. They take so many time rests. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Time out. Oh, God, yeah, time rest. Is it another ad break? Yeah, I know.

Get a grip. No, we'll come to the game. I mean, the Eagles won and the Chiefs lost. Taylor Swift was upset. But the halftime show, let's talk about that first. Kendrick Lamar performed. His jeans were too long. Nice boot cut, too long.

That would be, if he was in a puddle. Oh, wet jeans that soak up to the soles. You know how they would soak upwards like that? And he's just a little fellow. He's a very petite fellow. So a puddle would really go up that Achilles. It's really little, eh? He also had Samuel L. Jackson kind of representing Uncle Sam there,

kind of throwing to each new song. And it was all very symbolic and heavily messaged. But the bit that everyone was wondering about is whether or not he was going to sing the diss track about Drake. Which he did eventually. At one point, he looks at the camera and is like, hey, Drake, and does this big smile and then makes a pretty wild comment. And then when he did the A minor joke, the crowd went absolutely crazy.

Serena Williams was there. And then Serena Williams was doing the crip walk and then she dated Drake and then like he'd said stuff about her on a record so it was all very like, it was up. A lot of unsubtle messaging. It is very unsubtle.

It was about America on a whole Like all the dancers dressed in the colours That made it look like there was an American flag And it was split in half and he was in the middle Very symbolic And I will say I think that they recycled Rihanna's tracksuits Remember how they had the red and white tracksuits for Rihanna? They looked exactly the same

Anyway it was a good half time show But then During the actual game, when the Chiefs were losing at half-time, they hadn't scored anything. They hadn't put any of the touchdowns on the down. They hadn't put them down. Good sports.

Or touched them down. Yeah. They did, you know, they were panning around the crowd, little crowd shots, and they got to Taylor Swift. This was brutal. Listen to the audience reaction. So that's why they're booing her while her face

was up on the screen. I mean, it's kind of awful. She's just there to try to support her boyfriend and it's not going very well. Anyway, she kind of had a funny reaction. She just looked kind of like, you alright? You good? There was a moment where you could be like, oh, that's horrible.

She's not liking that. Oh, wouldn't you? I mean. Nobody would like that. I also watched this video of like Vox Pops and it was a guy back, you know, in the, backstage, I don't know what you call it, and asking people like,

how much should you pay for your tickets? It was outrageous. Oh, yeah. So there was a guy who was like, I'm kind of front row, mine was 30k a ticker For the ticker Just the ticker And then people up

In like the bleachers Up the back Were like 5k Anyway I think We should check in With producer Shannon Because she had money On the Chiefs winning

Yeah Yeah because as a Swifty You wouldn't have Bet against the Chiefs No she would have Lost her Swifty cash You would have lost Yeah

Yeah me and Travi Were very sad He was in his Going out top And everyone's like Poor Travi You wouldn't have bet against the Chiefs. No, she would have lost your Swifty cash. You would have lost, yeah. Yeah, me and Travi were very sad. He was in his going out top, and everyone's like, poor Travi, he got his going out top on, and he didn't get to celebrate. Did you see his outfit when he arrived? I loved it. John Travolta called. You know what I mean?

From Pulp Fiction. Yeah, yeah, it was like this disco-y kind of suit. It was crazy. So, Shannon, how much did you bet uh yesterday and lose 30 we talked about this that's her electricity money well no i looked so i lost it all i bet and i lost just in america the american uh gaming association said that americans were expected to place 1.39 billion dollars of legal bets on the super bowl that's up from the year before. A couple of big bets that were made in Vegas a couple of days

before. $800,000 and $750,000 on the Eagles to win. So they would have paid out yesterday $1.68 million and $1.57 million to those two people. Yeah, but they could have just as easily lost it.

Oh, 100%. This is not an advertisement for gambling. No. But just insane amounts of money that were taken. Yeah. By bookies, yeah. I mean, it's quite, I was definitely like driving around town yesterday. I saw lots of like bars and parties and stuff.

Like people kind of getting into the vibe. But man, shout out to the people of New Orleans because the shots of the street parties. Oh yeah, they know how to party there. Man, they know how to party. And what about the streets of Philadelphia? They said win or lose, the same outcome was going to happen in Philadelphia. They told people not to jump on things.

Yeah, bad night to be a car parked on the side of the road in Philadelphia. Play ZM's Fletchbourne and Hayley. Play ZM's Fletchborn and Hayley. Play ZM's Fletchborn and Hayley. Ah, uniforms. School uniforms. Oh, yeah. Expensive.

Oh, I've seen a few stories. Yeah. In the new, it's always this time of year. I went by India, new one, for starting high school. It wasn't as bad

as I thought it was going to be because you hear some horror stories. I remember distinctly mine was a thousand bucks. What? Yeah, and I remember my granddad bought it all for me. That was his life. He bought mine and my brother's school uniforms to start school.

But it was a thousand bucks. And then you did three years in that uniform and then you switched to a senior uniform. Two years in that uniform and then you switched to a- Was it nothing got carried over? The blazer and the cardigan did, but all your dresses, shirts... But also you had

completely different size. So chances are... I kept my blazer and cardigan the whole time. You must have got a big in the third form. I got a biggie. Well, this is the news story. That's what she said.

Hers cost $1,000. $1,000. The Wellington College kit, $60 for the PE shirt. $60 for a PE shirt? Oh, no. Head on down to the bloody warehouse and get yourself one of those. Oh, no60 for the PE shirt. $60 for a PE shirt? Oh, no. Head on down to the bloody warehouse and get yourself one of those. Oh, no.

Effective intent. Yeah. Great brand. Wear it every day. You do. I do. $260 blazer. Woo.

That's a hell of a jacket. $85 shorts, $130 rain jacket, $30 shorts. A rain jacket. Just use any rain jacket. Oh, yeah. Why does the rain jacket need to be uniform? I mean it's Wellington. So that when you're out on the street it's a dribbly city. When you're out on the street, we had them too

and they were like these full trenches so that when you're out on the street you're still in the uniform. Oh no. Other than you're chucking on, everyone's chucking on their higgledy piggledy rain jackets. Did you have a hat? Yeah we had a hat. Like a sun hat. Yeah.

Like a specific one. Yeah. Because I think we were just allowed hats, as long as they were black or whatever. Yeah, yeah, yeah. As long as they weren't too crazy. But yeah, $1,000 for a school uniform, and that is. That's got to be up there.

But to be fair, you do wear it every day. Do you know what I mean? True. You wear it every day. I mean, we had rotating shirts. But why does it need to cost that much? So that you look nice and sharp. No, but it doesn't need to cost that much.

Like the $230 blazer, whoever's selling it, there must be a hell of a markup. Yeah. Because it can't cost that much to make, and why is someone profiteering off school uniforms when you have to wear them to go to the school? Yeah. Ours was like all wool and all that kind of crap

because it was poncy. Yeah. And it used to smell like a wet dog. Yeah, I don't know. I can't justify it either. It's so expensive. No. So Auckland Grammar, they compared a school jersey's $110,

a rain jacket $100. Were these kids getting their own rain jackets? But you'd think if you were wearing clothes that whole time. I mean, yes, you got changed into your sports gear and your clothes and stuff afterwards and your weekend clothes. Yeah. But not like as much.

Were you allowed to stay in your uniform when you got home from school? Hell yeah, I'd mooch till like dinner time. Really? We weren't allowed to stay in our uniform. Get out of that uniform. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I need to wash the shoes.

But then I was always jealous of the schools that had like no uniform. Same. But then. There used to be a word for that. We don't say it anymore. Yes. But then you would, I guess, have the pressure of trying to look cool every day.

Yeah. Well, I had the pressure of trying to look cool while in my uniform. But I also think it was a character building exercise for myself on these non-uniformed days to not look cool. Yeah, right. Because there was that whole judgment of everybody trying to, you know, put on their Sunday best.

Yeah. Yeah, I did. Man, I thought out my, what do they call them now? No uniform day. Yeah. Outfits like weeks in advance. Now, I kind of have a uniform. Yeah, you guys wear a uniform.

We are uniforms. I just wear the same t-shirts and shorts every day. In Birks in summer. And in winter, it's work boots, jeans, same t-shirt. Can I ask you something? Because my uniform is usually like black clothes. But can I ask you something? Because your uniform in the summer is t-shirts, caps.

Yes. I've started wearing a cap to the gym. And I don't know how you guys would feel if I wore a cap to work. It would be our honour for you to join the cap. Can I wear the ZM uniform? Absolutely. Do you know what? I think this week I'm going to put on the ZM uniform of a cap.

It's going to be weird. Yeah. Do you like tilt it back so your eyes are nice and open? I don't know. It's funky. I'm nervous. You need to find out how it works for you. Yeah.

Uniforms are nice and easy. I think that's the benefit. So if you think it's $1,000, but you're going to wear that almost every day for like three to five years. I'm on my God, am I? Is this a return of girl, man? Girl, man.

Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley. Yesterday at the gymnasium at the Young Men's Christians Association, the YMCA, we call it for short. Yeah. You don't go to, you go to what? Anytime.

I go to anytime. Anytime fitness. Yeah, we're also gay men are welcome. Always. I would not join a gym that wouldn't allow gay men, which I believe the YMCA led the charge in. Is that correct? I don't know what you're talking about, Va men, which I believe the YMCA led the charge in. Is that correct?

I don't know what you're talking about, Vaughn. I mean, our gym's very gay. Very. Maybe a little bit too gay, actually. Oh, no such thing. So I was at the gym and I needed a new show. Oh, yeah. Because I finished, what did I last finish?

The last show I finished, and I filled the gap with a movie called Monkey Man with Dev Patel. Have you seen that? No. Dev Patel wrote and directed it and also starred in it. I think I've seen it. It's like Indian John Wick. Yeah, right.

I did see it. I saw the trailer for that. And then I was like, it didn't scream high budget. And then I read about it. He filmed most of it on his phone or a GoPro, and it was during COVID, and he overcame all of this thing, did it on a shoestring budget, which made me appreciate the movie a whole lot more. Right.

So that's a good bit of a good action. Still, it's wild to me that so many TV shows and movies and at the gym. I know, I can't. I try to do like an hour and a bit cardio a day. Right. And the whole hour and a bit I'm watching TV. So like if something's 40 minutes,

I'll easily get through an hour and a bit of it. And then I'll watch while I warm down and stretch and stuff. I mean, I get through. It's about the only time I really watch TV. It's good. Any sort of length. So I was after a new show and I've been doing some action ones, which is great for the gym.

And I saw Boy Swallows Universe. And I was like, I've heard great things. I love Travis Fimmel. I watched it last year. Yeah, it was amazing. He's a fantastic actor. Is he in Vikings? Yes, he's the Australian guy.

And he's in the Dune Prophecy show that just came out. And I was like, I think I might watch that. Now, I remember Carwin saying that it's emotional. Oh, yeah. You've read all the books. You've read all of this guy's books, right? Yeah, Trent Dalton, I love him. He's amazing.

Yeah. So, I didn't know it was going to get me as much as it did. I mean, it's about a young boy in his... In suburban Brisbane in like 1985 is when it starts, when he's like a 13-year-old kid. He's like struggling with school. His mum's a recovering heroin addict. Yeah.

Drug addict. Relapses. And it shows the relapse and then he's got the stepdad that's been in prison and that's Travis Fimmel and then like oh my just

there was so much I was just like you cried at one stage when he ran the guy kind of gets out of it and leaves his mum

in the throes of addiction and he's like Lyle Lyle and I was just like Lyle what are you doing get back to that

beautiful little man and his brother can't speak. Gus can't speak. He can't speak because of the trauma he had when he was younger. So you've seen it. You've seen it already. Oh, man, I saw it last year. I loved it.

It's so, and that kid, that actor. He's amazing. Oh, my God. I've never seen a kid act like it. And I just was watching. I just realised that, yeah, I was like crying. So the Actor Awards, which are the Australian awards industry, you know, it's like a film and television awards in Aussie.

Yeah. They just won six awards, six actors. Wow, okay. Australian Academy of Cinema and Television Arts. Did the kid win? Yeah. Of course. Yes.

Right. Did anybody see you? No, because I was on the treadmill and I was running, so I was already sweating. Aaron was there, Hayley's boyfriend Was he crying? He was also crying He wasn't watching anything He was just crying on the treadmill

Just because of life He looked quite hard to live with Worth a watch but not when you're in a volney state Nah I reckon when you're in a volney state Let it happen I reckon when you're in a volney state, let it happen. Oh, you let the tears out. It's good for a good cry. Yeah, let it flow. Vent, vent, vent, rather than push down and have a stroke.

And what's it called again? Voice Wallace Universe. Okay. I mean, this isn't a hot recommendation in terms of it's been out for a while. It's been out for a while. I've been putting it off. But I shouldn't have put it off. Don't put it off.

Feel it. Let it in you. Feel it. Well, that's off. Feel it. Fit it in you. Yeah. Feel it. Well, that's good you've had a good cry. Yeah. Yeah. Little release. I hope I have another one today. Oh, are you in the mood for a cry? Yeah. Let's get some Cat Stevens in here. Nope. That'll do.

Play ZM's Fletchbourne and Hayley. I was about to ask that we approach this with some maturity, but I just don't think there's any way. Now you may have seen this trend on TikTok, which is like, you think you can hurt me? And then it's, I once did this incredibly embarrassing thing.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. So here's one. You think you can hurt me? A student midwife was checking the dilation of my cervix, but instead went in the wrong hole. Went in the wrong hole. I beg, so a woman is babying.

A woman is in labour. She's in the throes of baby. And if you're unaware, they go in and they check the dilation of the cervix, which is the little bit that the baby passes through. Ten centimetres is sort of your dilation. We're going to start pushing. Stuff's going to happen here. She went in to check, but she went in the baby passes through. 10 centimetres is sort of your dilate. 10 centimetres is stuff's going to happen here. She went in to check, but she went in the butthole.

And this person finishes, I was too scared to tell her. When did she notice? Do you think she was in there and she's like, oh my God, there's an obscene amount of poo in this fanny. What's with all this poop in it? I mean, I'm a student. I thought poop came out the other hole.

Gosh. Maybe we're not up to that page in the textbook yet because I am a student. Yeah, because what do you do at what moment are you like, oh, no, not that one. For me, the moment I feel it. Generally straight away. The moment that I'm sure I'll be like, oh, wrong one, wrong one.

Wrong one. Do you think she had a student, like a trainee badge? This isn't McDonald's. Be gentle with me, I'm learning. Will you be gentle with me? I'm birthing. Also won't be the first time that women have had to say that. Well, no, no.

No, no, no. Wrong one, wrong one. Wrong one, wrong one. Wrong one, wrong one. Anyway, the comments on this are so funny. Quote, I can feel its head. A lot of people asking, yeah, but how dilated were you? Oh, God. Oh, my God.

There's not much more to this story other than that, but it was a trainee midwife. And look, I know we're all trainees at one point or another. Yeah. You know, we've all got to work it out. Yep. By doing it. I'm trying to think if I've ever had a trainee dragged into anything I've been like medically receiving.

Right. But the last thing would have been a colonoscopy and I don't think so. But only observed, right? Yes. Like my best friend gave birth prem and breech. It was feet first. And because it was such a crazy thing. They should have tried to get it out the bum. She should have hooked in from

the back. One foot. But because it was such a medical kind of wonder, they pulled in everyone. That's what you want is when the doctor's like, I'm just going to bring in a colleague here because this is quite something. You're in the middle of a really traumatic birth experience. Yeah.

But this is, I mean, this is just wild. I don't think I've had a trainee experience. Yeah, you had your blood taken. I've spoken about this. Yeah, the trainee... And, like, that's the thing. Like, I wasn't kicking up a fuss about this. You've got to learn...

But you're not iffy with blood tests. If you were... I mean, I don't love them. You'd be like, stop. Yeah, and I think, yeah, she had to go get another person who then took the blood. But yeah, when I saw the trainee badge, I was like, don't look. Oh my God.

Oh my God. A listener's text in. There are so many text messages coming in that, some of them are not nearly as funny as accidentally going in the bum. Well, I had the opposite. Someone put an accident ago in the bum. Well, I had the opposite. Someone put an enema in my vagina. I'm sorry, but... No, you're really flushing me out.

I mean, you've got to learn somehow, don't you? I know. You've got to learn which one's which at some stage. Trainee nurse yanked out the needle without releasing the tourniquet. Yep. And blood went went squirted and then I fainted and vomited.

Okay, well, this is exactly what we want. 0800 1000 M text in 9696. It could have been a beauty appointment, a medical appointment.

What happened when you got the trainee? Maybe the trainee at the checkout and they just took like an hour. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So they don't know

where the barcodes are yet. Play ZM's Fletchborn and Hayley. Well, a trainee midwife was checking a woman's cervix for dilation during birth. But she'd gone down the wrong corridor. Wrong corridor. Yeah. We start with a very serious area, the medical procedure of getting birth and accidentally going into the bum to check the

dilated cervix and you won't find it up there. Trust me, I've looked. Yep. I've had a good look around. There's nothing up. But then it goes from that to the far less serious thing of my friend worked at a pizza place all through uni and they always kept their trainee badge because if anything went

wrong, they'd be like, sorry. But they worked there for like four years. Oh, my God. Sorry, I'm just learning. It's my first day. That's a great idea. Because you can't get mad at the trainee. No, and you've got to exercise more patience.

Anonymous, when did you get the trainee? Kia ora, this is me. Yeah, that's you, Darryl. Hi, long time listener, first time caller. I had it about already. I found it, I found it, this is me. Yeah, that's you, Darryl. Hi, long-time listener, first-time caller. I had the bell already. I found it, I found it, I found it, I found it. Welcome, Anonymous. Good we haven't had one of those for a little while. Yeah, welcome.

I love that you're calling anonymously. It only bodes well. Well, I went in just for a standard survival smear. The nurse was like, do you want to do it yourself or do you want me to do it? I was like, can you do it? Because I'm scared I won't collect enough of this sample or whatever. And she stabbed me in the urethra and did the vagina.

Ow! Oh! Oh! How far up did she get before you were like... It's quite low. I went straight into I'm too scared to do anything I had a fair response

and so then she took a swab, she thought she was doing the right thing she took a swab and then she couldn't get it back out So I obviously I went home, had a little cry. I was bleeding. Oh!

For several days. And so I let the clinic know through a message, and they were like, are you sure? Yep. Oh, my God, yeah. Yeah, very sure. Yeah, I know the difference between the holes, babe. Yeah, as we all should, really. Yeah, I know the difference between the holes, babe. Yeah, as we all should, really.

Yeah. Like, did they say, come back and we'll do it properly? No. That's left me, so I don't know if I've got a survival cancer. No, babe, you need to go to family planning or one of the other clinics. They'll do them. Oh, my God. Yeah, get back in there.

Yeah, that's what my friends said. Yeah. Oh, my God. I'm sweating. That made me sweat. Yeah, that's what my friends said. Yeah. Oh my God, I'm sweating. That made me sweat. Yeah, that's... Also, my friends all wanted to know, so you might want to as well.

They asked if it was a male nurse or not, and I was like, no, no, it was a chick. That's what somebody else said. The initial story that got us onto this was like, was it a... And we don't know. But male nurses, regardless, should know the anatomy of what they're looking at.

Totally. Far out. Anonymous. Anonymous, yeah. And if they're heterosexuals, they've probably looked one eye to eye a lot more. Eye to eye. You know. Anonymous, go. Please go get one, please.

I will. I will. Thank you. Do it. Do it. Thank you. Okay, Anonymous. Answer messages.

When did you get the trainee? There are simply too many. Someone just messaged in. As a gay man, I'm so confused. What is going on between a girl's trainee? There are simply too many. So I won't dismissage him. As a gay man, I'm so confused. What is going on between a girl's legs? There's three. Gay man, as a heterosexual man,

I'm also confused what's going on. I mean, if it was a gay nurse, you'd almost be like, well, that's understandable. Well, yeah, yeah. You've literally never had any interest in this whatsoever. But you know, there's some neighbourhoods you drive around a lot, but every time you go back there,

you're like, give me Google Maps. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm lost. I got too excited last time I was here and I didn't like, give me Google Maps. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm lost. I got too excited last time I was here and I didn't memorise any of the streets. Which streets run parallel? I can't remember. Yeah. Is that a cul-de-sac?

A trainee beautician was dyeing my eyelashes and when I went to open my eyes, the whites of my eyes were black. Oh. What? I had just given birth by caesarean section. They asked me if it would be all right if the trainee could stitch me up as we were short-staffed. I was like...

Oh, no. No, absolutely not. I will wait here with a huge wound. That's a forever seam. And wait. It is a forever seam. Pap smears seem to be a really popular one. Oh, God.

I had a trainee nurse for a pap smear, and halfway through, she was like, I haven't filled out the paperwork. So left me spread with the sample receiver up there and started doing some paperwork. And I was like, excuse me. Maybe do this. Get it out.

Name and date of birth. Oh, no. See, I knew we'd get messages about this. Helping a friend train for their beauty exams. One for Brazilian wax, one for eyelashes. The wax she ripped and burnt my skin. The eyelashes she glued the corner of my eyes together. Can we have a follow-up text?

Is she still in the beauty world? Yeah, 166. Is your friend, and where do they work? Maybe they dropped just to avoid. Trainee vet was in charge of vaccinating my cat. Now, I've seen it done. You pinch the skin up and you go into the skin. Yes, in the little neck.

In the neck, right? But instead of going sort of down the cat's spine, they went sideways. And when they squirted, they squirted me in the face with the cat vaccine. The cat vaccine got you in the face. Oh my God. There's so many.

What are you laughing at? Oh, no. He's lost it. What are you laughing at? What? Okay. Share with all of us. Share with us.

I had to get an ultrasound on my balls. Now, I had to get an ultrasound on my balls last year. Weirdest thing in the lead up to you get very nervous about it. Do I shave? Do I not? That's right. I had to get an ultrasound on my balls. Yeah.

The trainee lady went to squirt the lube on and the whole lid came off. And she was like, oh, God, oh, God. And was trying to stop it going on the floor and was just whacking my balls around. And tried to wipe it up. Like trying to hold on to like a slimy little. It's too much. And then she got a flannel, but it was too much.

And then the flannel became fully engulfed in lubricant and her penis was fluffing around like a worm. And she was like, I'm so sorry about this. And I had lube all over my bum hole. Oh, that's too good. Can I suggest we do a spillover? Yeah. Because there's so many.

There's so many. An extra podcast today. We'll get to that. We'll get that up after the show. Play ZM's Flesh, Fawn and Hayley. Fact of the day, day, day, day, day. It's shellfish week here at Fact of the Day. And firstly, I must issue an apology

Because you'll remember it was a suggestion of Johnny Big Dog Martin Johnny Martin My new best friend What is this a grab? My new best friend My new insti BFF And he said shellfish very interesting topic

Sent me a couple and I was like beautiful work Off we go Off we go And then you mentioned lobsters. Yeah. And I scoffed, didn't I? Yeah, and you said that's not a shellfish. Well, I am here to apologise to tell you marine animals

in the shellfish category include crustaceans and mollusks. Examples, shrimps, crabs, lobster, squid, oysters, scallops and snails. I mean, the real giveaway was it's in a shell. Yeah. I mean, who would have thought? Yeah. That this fish with a shell was a shellfish. I know, Fletch. I just sort of had too. I mean, who would have thought? Yeah. That this fish with a shell was a shellfish. I know, Fletch.

I just sort of had too many moving parts. Who would have thought? Yeah. Too many moving parts in a lobster. Thank you for your heartfelt apology. And then we talked about the difference between prawns and shrimp, didn't we? Well, I said I didn't want to be shellfish-ish.

Shrimps in a fried rice. It's very hard to tell. I don't know which one's which. Shrimps pink in a fried rice and prawns have a nice big shell on them. I've got a quick list of differences between prawn and shrimp. This is a fact of the day. This is just the sort of service you get when you turn to Vaughan Smith and Big Dog Johnny Martin.

We love bonus facts. Prawns, larger in size. Yep. Longer bodies, longer legs and claws. Shrimps are shrimps for a reason. You know, he's a shrimp. Oh, yeah. He's a smaller version of a prawn.

Tough shell that can't be bent, whereas a shrimp can be bent out to be straight because of a segmented overlap shell situation. Oh, yeah. Of course, the segmented overlap shell situation. Yeah. Of course. Prawns have a sweet taste and tend to meet. Shrimp, more common.

Oh, okay. More common taste. Prawns can never be labelled as shrimp, but common. Oh, okay. More common taste. Prawns can never be labelled as shrimp, but some shrimp can be labelled as prawns. Wow. So that's what we're dealing with there in the difference between prawns. I'll say it, I still feel no clearer.

You still feel like you're... Shrimps are shrimps. Well, one thing I will tell you about... What are cramp sticks? Are they shellfish? Sashimis. I'm pretty sure those are made of potatoes. No, it's not sashimi.

What is the stuff that it's made of? It's not made of... Crab. Yes, it is. It's made of a mullet up... It's mullet. It's basically the sizzler. It's the sizzler of the seafood world.

It really is. It's a sea sizzler. That's what I should call crab sticks. Sea sizzlers. It's just mullied up fish and bits. Excuse me. It's crab meat. Well, today's fact of the day is New York's tap water isn't kosher

because it contains tiny, tiny microscopic shrimp. Oh, my gosh. How did the shrimp get into the water? They just live in the water. That's where they live. They're great for the water. They're harmless to ingest, and they help improve water quality because they eat mosquito larvae before they become anything big.

And New York, Boston, and Seattle don't have full water filtration that would remove them. There are cities that do. Toronto's tap water. And, of course, Orthodox Jewish people don't eat shellfish because they're classed as, like, bottom feeders. Yeah. They scoot around the bottom, and they eat all the other remnants,

so it's not kosher to eat them. Right. But there's so many in New York's water supply that they shouldn't be drinking the tap water because it's kosher. We want them to just dehydrate. Yeah. Wow.

Well, no, they'd have to buy like proper filtered bottle water. Interesting. Interesting. The water is so full of mini shrimp, which are, as we've learned, actually shellfish, that you shouldn't drink it if you're orthodox because it's not kosher water. Wow.

And just quickly on kosher, you know, you said kosher salt. It's not, that salt's not made a specific way. That's just the sort of salt that they use to cure meats. The kosher salt. Interesting. Wow. So many facts today. Actually, I feel like we've got a end and apology.

Yeah. It's been a big day for everybody. So today's fact of the day is the New York City tap water technically isn't kosher because it's full of tiny shrimp. Fact of the day, day, day, day, day. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley. Oh yeah, I've got a crook neck. It's better now because I've got it sorted out by a wonderful Thai woman.

Love it. Oh, my God. How great is a massage? I love a massage. And I actually haven't had one in years, I realised. I just have, it just. Really? Yeah.

I don't know why. I used to get them quite a bit. And then I didn't. You love the physical touch. I adore it. So. What pressure did you go for? Full noise. I told her, I came What pressure did you go for? Full noise.

I told her, I came in, I said, I've got a really sore neck and shoulder. It needs to be sorted out. And she's like, okay. That's the only time I go for a massage is if something's. Really sore. Yeah. And I'm like, go hard. It's going to suck. Yeah. I'm going to, I'm going to hate it, but I know at least it'll be fixed. It wasn't. Sometimes I do like an enjoyable massage

and there was a little bit of that, the long sweeps. When you're on holiday and it costs $5. Yeah, yeah. This was, she was sorting it out. She's on me. She's knees into the neck. You know, I was like, oh, my God, absolutely loving it. But I'm relatively, I can handle it.

Every now and then I was like, oh, my God. It's when they get right in the knot, eh? Right in the elbow. You know, that's the good stuff. Yeah. It feels like you're getting your poison juiced out. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know?

But where I go, it's like, it's not cheap, but it's not like super fancy. It's just, it's so good. Curtains. But you go up these stairs, shoes off, go up these stairs and then, yeah, you're curtained, curtain dividers between you and someone else.

Excuse me. And so I'm lying on my thing and getting my absolute neck worked out. The poor guy next to me, for the full hour, so we were both there on the hour, for the full hour was having a time, was absolutely suffering. You know, like the whole time. You know why? for the full hour was having a time, was absolutely suffering. You know, like the whole time.

You know why? Was he old mate? I saw him when we came downstairs. I looked him in the eye almost, but it would have been like. Big old fella? No, not big old fella. Like just sort of an average, maybe like 60-year-old dude. Knows though.

He's seen it all. He'd be able to tell you he's experienced it all. Not a lot I haven't seen at my age sort of carry on. Yeah, yeah, yeah, for sure. So when he went in and he saw a 45kg Thai woman, he was like, this tiny thing ain't going to be able to hurt me. I'm Big Rog. They used to call me Big Rog down at the rugby club. I can still put him away.

Big Rog can still put him away on a Friday night. And so he would have seen this tiny lady and probably maybe you've never been there before. And she said, what pressure would you like? And he would have said, as hard as you can go. Making a huge mistake. And then he could never relent and say, of course he could.

That would show weakness. It would show, it would be emasculating. If you've had a Thai massage before, at the end they do these stretches, right? They kind of bend you around and stuff. I don't like that because, you know, in the movies when they break someone's neck it always looks really easy.

And they're always just like and I'm like, no! I'm like, no. Every time at the end when they're doing that, I'm like, that's as far as I go because they're pushing and they're like why isn't he going further? It's like trying to shut something and something's jamming in the hinges. I'm like, that's as far as I go

and they laugh. They're like, look at this big log. He's jamming the hinges. Yeah. I'm like, go and they laugh. They're like, look at this big log. Yeah. It's not bendy at all. Because I guess they're timing it up right, I was getting my bends at the same time as he was getting his bends and I was going like, oh, you know, like just normal noises. Yeah, breathing into it.

And she was like, grab onto my hands and foot in the back and all that. I loved her. He was like, oh, oh, oh, oh. Like making sure that's what was happening. No, no, no. This is a reputable place. You'd be a brave man to take that behind a curtain. Yeah, yeah.

I had a friend who was getting a massage at like on a lunch hour in central Auckland and said that it was curtains. No, no, no, no. And next door was, no, no, no, no, no. This is a very reputable place. And it definitely wasn't. This man was in pain. When he came down, he had tears in his eyes.

I do cry often. He feels good today. I do cry afterwards, though. That's why I say medium hard. I just go like, I'll just tell you as we go. Like, you get started and I'll be like, more or less. No, I've got that white arrogance everywhere I go. I think I can handle it. Indian food.

Give me hot. And they're like, what kind of hot? Chinese massage. I'm an Indian hot. Full stream. Give me all you got. And you get that, it's okay. It's called colonial arrogance. They're literally like ripping your muscles apart. How's that? It's fine, thank you.

I need more. Play ZM's Fpoint and Hayley's. So using AI, which I believe stands for artificial intelligence. So write that down so you don't forget that. First, Georgia, I mean, come on, mate. You're rattling the peanut butter jar around here like we're not trying to run a professional radio show. This isn't work play.

This isn't your personal kitchen. No, no, no, no, no. You can't have peanut butter on toast unless the peanut butter's melting on the toast. So just let me have my minute. Everybody wants to wait for Georgia Burt to close down peanut butter on toast. I'm done.

Now put the lid on. Yeah. Nothing done quietly. Wow. Nothing. You are intolerable. I cannot believe you're about to bruise someone's wife. I'm about to take my belt off.

Okay. This is an ick. This is not an ick. I'll give you an ick. So what? Go on. That was an ick. I'd love to see it.

That was an ick, actually. Watching Georgia try to do sarcasm is an ick. Oh, is it? Anyway. 64% of people have experienced the ick so scientists put tiktok videos where people mentioned the ick into artificial intelligence and it and it's kind of highlighted what are the most common icks do you looking at both of these lists it's interesting that overall woman had way more icks about men men didn't seem to have as many ics

or maybe it's just... The women's list is far longer. Whereas maybe men just aren't making TikTok videos about women's ics. No, dude,

men will... Men are our fish. Men will overlook an amazing amount of things. If it ends with, you know, peanut butter on toast.

Kisses. Okay, do you want women's ics or men's ics first? Do the men's. Okay, men's ics, this is against women, basically At the top

Oh no, I went my way up I remember, I'm on radio Vanity is on this list Right And an example being like Too into makeup, too much fake tanner Right Okay

I think we've both passed that We both don't But Georgia and I both don't wear a lot of makeup. We're both naturally beautiful. And we don't wear fake tan. And we don't wear fake tan. Well, I did for a while and I really liked it and I'm considering for the winter doing it full time.

Yeah. Other is on this list. Now for me, other is a huge it. Other. Overly focused on social media, like cringy captions on her Instagram pictures. Too masculine is on this list when she spits her gum in the trash like a man oh yeah i'm a bit mad but that's kind of gross whoever

does it i thought you meant masculine like tall and well built and well absolutely wrap your yeah so uh physical appearance here's the example they put for physical appearance. Remember, this is AI, so it's kind of a bit weird. Her feet don't touch the floor when she's on a chair. Yes, yes, yes. Oh, my God. When they're up like a little baby, they're like this. That's funny.

That's an X. So that is a big X for men with women. That's a big X for men for women. Okay. That's the other way around, that one. Annoying speech. Here's your top three. Annoying speech using weird slang.

Publicly embarrassing, like girls tripping over. Isn't it? We clumsy. And their top one was overly trendy. And the example, excuse me, they use, that's the apple, was into astrology. Overly trendy. Overly trendy. Overly trendy, like being right into the trends.

Getting into like, okay. Buy hard into fads. Gotcha. That is a bit... Yeah. Okay, here's women's ics for men as dictated by videos on TikTok. Two trendies at the bottom, physical

appearance, overly focused on social media. That's there. Other, not specified. Now here's your top five. Misogynistic only comes in at number five. I would have thought that might have been higher, ladies. Ladies, ladies, ladies,

that should be higher. The example, he loudly shushed another girl. Okay. But to be honest, sometimes, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep. Yeah, you're not wrong actually You know what? There's four things less attractive than what you've just heard

Well listen up my dude Number four, fashion faux pas Example, he wore jorts You know I'm only not wearing jorts today Because my gooch blew out in my jorts It does every year I love them Okay, here's your top three annoying

speech saying, wow, without me whenever I would do anything. Publicly embarrassing. And the example for men is shazamming a song while in a nightclub. Oh no, that's actually, that's good. No, that's good stuff. The guys have been like, shush, shush, shush.

I'm actually into that. It's listening, it's listening. And now it's sending. Oh, you love this. I'm actually into that. It's listening. It's listening. And now it's sending. Oh, yeah. I love this. I'm going to know exactly what it is any moment. Okay, the top ick for women was that men were too feminine. A bit. Wow.

Okay. A bit. What are you doing there? I don't think you can do that anymore. Yeah. I don't think you're allowed to do it. I'd like to distance myself professionally from that. You know, a bit like that.

A bit what? A bit. A bit, huh? like that. A bit what? A bit. A bit huh? A bit. A bit what? Dig your own career grave, mate. Yeah, mate. I'll put flowers on it, but I'm not going to.

See you. See you later. Actually, I'm going to have to stop you there. That's copyrighted. Susie Cato's a very good friend of mine. She's already sued me twice. So if you could maybe get her to drop her stop you there. That's copyrighted. Susie Cato's a very good friend of mine. She's already sued me twice, so if you could maybe get her to drop her litigious action, that would be great.

Tell her I'll review her five stars if she does the same for this podcast. And then she tells all her friends. And if you're listening, maybe give it five stars as well.