ZM's Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley - Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley's Big Pod - 11th September 2024

Episode Date: September 10, 2024

Gen Z Relationship agreementsCelebrity Treasure Island: Vinnie Woolston Top 6: Eye and Face combos I'd pick Chrono Working Hayley swore at herself It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas... Firetruck invite Who did you uninvite? Producer Jareds DND Extravaganza Fact of the Day How short was your relationshipSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

The ZM Podcast Network. The Flesh, Vaughan and Hayley Big Pod. Great Things at Brewing at McCafe. The perfect start to every day. Play ZM's Flesh, Vaughan and Hayley. Thank you Bryn. Good morning. Welcome to the show, Flesh, Vaughan and Hayley. It's two minutes past six.

Did you catch Hayley's breakfast, Vaughan? Were you here for this? I saw the tail end of the breakfast. It was. It was a panic breakfast, wasn't it? I didn't manage to have dinner last night, and so I've woken up very hungry, but then I was home late, so I didn't prepare brekkie.

So it was two crust skits with pesto hummus and shaved ham. It was like a charcuterie board. And just a pottle of yog of yogurt with some frozen raspberries. Look at that. That's better than nothing. That's what I saw. I didn't see the crusket part. Yeah, I ate cruskets for Brekkie.

A full spread. Yeah, and then you tried to look up, what's in a crusket? Cruskets rule. I love a crusket. Yeah. Dust. Dust. Dusty crackers.

Just a bit of wheat dust. I love it. Yeah. Joining us in studio very soon, eliminated from Treasure Island, Celebrity Treasure Island last night, Vinny. I know, Vinny Wilson. They got rid of the model.

Oh, I know. On the first day. Eye candy stripped from the television straight away. I'm going to find it hard to watch now. At least it wasn't Suzanne Paul. At least it wasn't our Suzanne with her thousands of luminous spheres. Thousands of luminous spheres. So he joins us in soon

to talk Celebrity Treasure Island, which continues tonight on TV2, 7.30. The top six on the way. Medical breakthrough. A man who suffered horrendous electrical burns has received the first ever face and eye transplant. Because they've done a face transplant, but not the eyes. And they've done an eye transplant,

but they've never done both at the same time. I'd go lovely blue eyes. Would I say blue eyes? It'd be weird, me having blue eyes. Well, we've got the same colour eyes, eh, as a gang. Biggers can't be choosers. Oh, really? When your face has been melted off by 50,000 volts.

Yeah, but you'd be like, green, like as you went to sleep. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Please, please green. Okay, we're'd be like, green, like as you went to sleep. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Please, please green. Okay, we're just putting you under furai transplant. Please, can I get the green with just little speckles? I know, these ones are just

absolute basic poo brown. Good night. No, no, no, no, no, no. Well, that's what we have anyway, poo brown. We're poo brown. We're a gang of poo browns. Well, we'll deal with this

in the top six soon. I'm also not a gang of poo browns. I'm Hazel. Oh, he's team Hazel. I'm Hazel. You're poo browns. I'm Hazel. Oh, he's team Hazel. I'm Hazel. You're poo brown. Hazel is poo brown. No, Hazel's greeny brown.

Yeah, poo brown. No, poo brown is brown brown. Yours are hazel. No, they're not. Are they just brown? They're brown. No, we're hazel. Someone's Jujuna Barai colour.

Yeah, you're up great. It's like when people live near Remuera or a posh suburb. Yeah, they're in Ellerslie and they say they're on the round. They're light brown. They're the same color as mine. Yeah, they're not as cute brown as mine. Anyway, the top six soon. How hot are brown people with green eyes?

Yeah. Or brown people with blue eyes. Or brown people, full stop. How hot are brown people? That eyes. All brown people. Full stop. How hot are brown people? That's right. So hot. Universally loved by the show. So the top six soon.

What were we talking about? Top six brown people. That doesn't seem appropriate. Let's do it though. There's so many hot ones. Top six eye face combos. I mean, God, if someone got distracted by the hot brown people,

didn't they? Yeah. Well, I can barely string a sentence together now. Next on the show. Gen Z are employing a relationship document, shall we say. It's quite odd. Play ZM's Fletch Vaughn and Hayley. I want to hate this, but I sort of don't.

It's kind of sweet. Okay. So Gen Z's are making these little handwritten love contracts. Just not like a prenup, not because they've got no money. Yeah. Gen Z's got no money. Yeah, so you're not going to get anything, are you? Yeah, what are you going to do? Give me half of your non-house that you'll never own? Or maybe you could give me half of your student loan debt. Oh, yes, please. Maybe you should get one. Romance is alive.

No, they're little hand-drawn love contracts that, well, they can basically put anything they want in it, but they're all sort of cute. It reminds me of being at high school and I would write. I was just about to say, it reminds me of those books that we used to carry around in high school, and then I'd be like, name, age, favourite colour. Yes.

Who's the celebrity? Cuff favorite color yes uh who's the celebrity i love pat pat sullivan it's a different boy with you every time i know but pat was the first it's a dip every time it's a pat it's a buddy sam it's a craig you're about to experience this yeah 100 you know i told you It's a dip. Every time it's a pat, it's a buddy Sam, it's a Craig. That's your brother and dad. That's my brother and dad. Yeah, you're about to experience this. Yeah, 100%. You know, I told you about my dream the other day.

Were you here when I told you about my dream? I wasn't. I was really sad. I had this dream that Indy got a boyfriend. My oldest daughter got a boyfriend. Thank you for explaining. Oh, you explained to the listeners. There's people listening on the other end of this.

Are there? Not many, but a few. Oh, I thought we were just hanging out. Nah, nah, nah. Oh, that's good. I was about to say some. Are there? Not many, but a few. Oh, I thought we were just hanging out. Nah, nah, nah. Oh, that's good. I was about to say some terrible things. Yeah. So I had a dream.

She had a boyfriend and we were in Hamilton for some reason. She's got a Hamilton boyfriend. No, no, no. He must have come with us. We were recording a podcast. I don't know why. In the old centre place building up the top. Yeah.

Yeah. Anyway. So we were in the elevator and that's when my recurring dream happens that the elevator shoots up out of control oh that's terrible Charlie and the Chocolate Factory style

and then just drops that means you've got some serious issues in real life yeah oh a ton a ton but the important thing is

where the elevator lands is the basement and that's where I push all my issues down oh you're into the basement until they explode yeah right so then the the elevator falls and I turn around to comfort her and that's where I push all my issues down. Oh, you're into the basement. Until they explode. Yeah, right. So then the elevator falls, and I turn around to comfort her,

being like, it's okay, it's okay. Boyfriend's already comforting her. With his tongue. No, no, it was just this pathetic, weak-looking embrace. You know young people, when they embrace, it's always pathetic. Yes. It's always loose arms. Because they don't know how to like

kind of hanging love yeah yeah and that was what it was like and I was like but it really upset me and so I talked about it she heard me and she assured me

it's not it's not it's not even on the cards and she's put my mind she's heard that okay right I'm fingers she's only a year away from

I'm fingers crossed tongue in a boy's mouth in the back of bloody Reading Cinemas on Courtney Place, let me tell you. Thank God that thing's been stained. So, okay, here's an example of one of these love contracts that Gen Z, but this looks like it's like not Gen Z,

like later. Okay. Like kids. Love contract. It's all written highlighters, hearts everywhere. This contract states that the two that sign it will never stop loving each other. You will.

Cheat on each other or get bored of one another. You will. This contract states that both parties will never give up. People say that in a legally binding fashion of marriage and still blow it. I know, exactly. When they're adults. This contract states that both parties

will never give up on each other. We will make posts about each other on social media. We will celebrate our anniversaries and holidays with each other. And both of us will make notes and surprise each other with gifts and presents. And when the one is sad or upset than the other, when one is upset, the other will do everything they can to try and make it better. Wait, these are people in their 20s doing this. Honestly, this looks like a 13-year-old.

It is. No, it is. It is. That's embarrassing. It's popular with Gen Z. I feel like that example is surely going to be a child. Shannon, do you have one of these with the magician? Did you draw up one of these with the magician?

No, but, you know, I'd hope he doesn't. But maybe we should. Yeah, sort of you go into a relationship hoping that you're not going to cheat on each other. Yeah, we talked about pre-nubs very early. Pre-nub? Did I say it weird? Nub. Is that like a dry hump? But with hand stuff. Pre-nub. Is it a nub?

I'm just going to give it a little pre-nub. It's pre-nup-chules. Like nuptials. What's a nuptial? Marriage. Nup-chules is marriage. A pre a nup. It's prenuptual. It's like nuptials. What's a nuptial? Marriage. Nuptial is marriage. A prenup. Prenup is so good. Wait, did he make you sign a prenup or a prenup? Because it's going to make a difference.

I want prenup, okay? I had no idea that that was a word. Prenuptual. Yeah. No, I just thought it was like nup you off. I didn't know it. Definitely not. Jesus Christ. This is't know it. It's definitely not. Jesus Christ, this is where they're writing child's contracts. They don't know words

anymore. This is great. This is so good. Pre-nub you off. Oh my god, that's so good. I thought it was just like a pre-nub. But don't nub me off. God bless you. Good luck with that.

Shannon Tram. He was eliminated from Celebrity Treasure Island last night. Vinny? Vinny Wilson. Yep. Beautiful face. But the first to go, and he's in with us next. Play it.

ZM's Fletch Vaughan and Hayley. Celebrity Treasure Island is happening, and the first eliminee has been eliminated. And he joins us in studio this morning. Good morning, Vinny. Kia ora, everyone. Kia ora. How's everyone?

Well, more importantly, how are you, Vinny? First cab off the ranks. You're off the island. I'm bummed out. You're bummed out? Yeah, I'm bummed out. Did you anticipate when you signed up for Celebrity Treasure Island that you would last longer? Yes, I did.

But they always say someone's got to be first, right? Yeah, they do say that and there's no one else really putting their hands up for it. So you volunteered as tribute? Yeah, pretty much. Because I know that if I win, we're going to get a good advantage in some way.

And if I lose, we're still going to win because it's for charity. So we all win at the end of the day. Well, no, you've lost, unfortunately, for me. Do you think it's the New Zealanders that were just like, make the hot person do it? Make the model do it then. Go and model and do it because, you know, we've got that.

There's still that tall poppy syndrome. I think it might have been just my lack of brain cells that was like, duh, I'll do it. Stupid model. Stupid model. Do they get you straight out of there when you're eliminated or do you get to hang around for a little bit? No, you're straight out of there. Right, and straight on the block. You've got a camera straight down your face and then interview, so they get that raw emotion.

Yeah. And then... Get you out of there back home. Yeah, I'm there trying to wave to the cast and to everyone, get out of there, you can't, there's none of that. No communication. They just carry on. So a lot of big, like, celebrity names.

Were you excited to see, like, anyone like Suzanne Paul? No, no, definitely her. Blue Monkey. Yeah. I wish she was on my team or else I would have asked her to, she would have done a little rendition of it. Yeah. Was it like a bit of a change for you because you're a model and...

That's part-time. Part-time. But you've worked like in some pretty, I imagine, glamorous situations with like Kate Moss and Cara Delevingne and wearing Yves Saint Laurent suits and now you're on an island, I guess half naked and, you know... It's kind of the norm. It's like me back in Raglan anyway, so... Yeah, I suppose so. Half naked on the beach, I guess half naked. It's kind of the norm. It's like me back in Raglan anyway. Yeah, I see.

Half naked on the beach, whatnot. Raglan is just a big treasure island. Pretty much, yeah. It's a big episode of Treasure Island. There's backstabbing, there's challenges. A lot of Aucklanders. Yeah, yeah. Hey, we just like your beaches.

And just eating when you can, when you can work it out and when to get some food yeah so you say because you're modelling part time but to be honest

it's far and few between these days oh really that industry's kind of just dried up since COVID days yeah I've noticed I haven't been getting

much work as well but it's not a bad thing because you know the industry's pretty pretty fake it's nice to see a humble you know The industry's pretty Pretty fake It's nice to see It's nice to see a humble Humble man

That's Yeah So when did you realise You had a beautiful face Because mine was I was about eight You were like I'm a model

I was about eight And I said to my mum Mum I think I might be Incredibly beautiful And she said Of course you are in the way And then I made her do A photo shoot

And I put on a glittery top And some pinstripe pants From HBK And I made her do A photo shoot With me in the bush At home What bush was that Where was it I grew up in Eastbourne In Lower Hart And we were surrounded on a glittery top and in some pinstripe pants from HBK and I made her do a photo shoot of me in the bush at home. What bush was that?

I grew up in Eastbourne in Lower Hart and we were surrounded by native bush. I did a little photo shoot. There's one of me with a native tree like this. Like this.

And I got her to submit them to an agency and just no word. And I'm 34 now. Still waiting. Still waiting. Just like, hey,

what's your agency? 62. Hey, 62 management just wondering if you got those photos from 1996 where are they at wow

did your mum even send them did your mum send them she was like she got them back from the pharmacy because it was developed pre

yeah yeah she was like we won't worry about that but you had a bit of a discovery right like someone saw you and went you've got it. Yeah, I had a local lady named Penny Newman,

and she was a model, and my school actually got in touch with her. Yeah, right. Got in touch with her, and then from there, kind of just took off. Wow, just went all crazy. Crazy. Well, I'm waiting for the call. I can't wait to join you on the next Yves Saint Laurent shoot or whoever it'll be.

I'm just, you're going to get those. Fingers crossed. Yeah, fingers crossed they get those beautiful native tree photos of me. Celebrity Treasure Island continues tonight, 7.30 on TV2. You can catch up TVNZ Plus as well for the other episodes. But you won't be seeing Vinny. He is gone from the island. Thanks for joining us, Vinny.

Oh, thank you very much, everyone. It's my pleasure and much love. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley. Blah, blah, blah. Blah, blah, blah, blah. This is the Top Six. A man has received a new face and a new left eye from a single donor in the world's first face eye transplant.

So does the eye work? Yeah. Wow. Imagine you lose me in a horrible car crash or plane crash. No. I know. Keep going. Oh, I'm sorry.

Oh, God, no. But because I'm a donor, because I'm a nice, I don't want to go on about my charity, but it says donor on my license. Imagine they then give my beautiful face to, like, some guy down the road. Lucky guy. You've moved on, but you still mourn me every day.

And then you see this guy and you're like, oh, my God, it's Fletch's face and one of his brown eyes. Look over there. Look at that hot guy. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Exactly. What would your face look like on somebody else's skull, though?

Because it's your face. Yeah, but then they'd have to stretch it over somebody else's. What if their face was wider? Yeah, exactly. they'd have to... They've got to stretch it over something else. What if their face was wider? Yeah, exactly. Instead of longer. It would pull your eyes out a little bit and we'd be like, ooh, inappropriate. That's racist.

That's really appropriate. That's racist. Okay. Feels appropriate. Fletch would have loved this. But wouldn't it be weird? Fletch would have absolutely loved this. Oh my God, that's so inappropriate.

It's borderline racist. Fletch would have loved it. Scotty would have had a laugh at so inappropriate. It's borderline racist. Fletch would have loved it. Scotty would have had a laugh at that. He would have loved that. Yeah. But wouldn't it be weird seeing, like... It must be so crazy. My...

Do they do that thing with op shop? And then we'd watch the new Fletch's face itch his eye. We'd be like, he would have loved that. Somebody put a finger in his brown eye. Oh, he would have loved that. He would have loved that. But do they do that thing with, like, op shop clothes? They send them to a different region?

Is that a thing? I don't know. Just so that you're not going to see it. Yeah, just so you don't see your togs. Sorry, what? See your togs. You think the op shop's got, like, enough of a discretionary income to be like,

ship that one to the South Island? Yeah, they don't want people seeing their same togs in the same city. No! It is, it's a thing. No. It's a thing. No. It's a thing. In all seriousness, I had a friend who had a heart transplant,

like, this is years ago. Yeah. And she met, she became very close with the family of the donor, and it was very surreal for them to listen to his heartbeat. Yeah, I've heard of that. Yeah, they were just like, it's, can you imagine? You can't even imagine. Oh, I don't know how I'd feel about it.

It'd be weird, wouldn't it? Yeah, you don't have to connect with the donor's family or anything, but she chose to. You go around and they're just like listening to it. It must be so wild, eh? But I've never put my ear to your chest and listened to your heartbeat, so that could be anybody's heart, you know? Oh, don't pretend like you guys don't have a little cuddle

when we're travelling away. Your heart's beating so fast. I can hear your heartbeat. Okay, so it's not hearts. Mine's beating in time with yours. I think we've synced heartbeats. Nah, because Fletcher's is like... Yeah, but a really slow

heart rate. Mine's regular and it's like... It was gurgles. Yeah, Mike. And then it'll go... How much whiskey have I had? Yeah. Like when old cars start.

Yeah. It's a carburetor issue. I've got the top six face-eye combos. Now that we've opened the door on the surgery. Eyes and faces that go well together. Okay. Number six. Eagle eyes. Yeah. And a red that go well together. Okay. Number six. Eagle eyes and a

red panda face. Yeah, cute. I don't know if they've done animal face transplants for them. There's so many animals being around, they should give it a go. We've tested on humans, now it's ready for the animals. That's reverse, eh? Number five on the list of the top six face-eye combos. Cat eyes

and Zendaya's face. Great face. Just like a Snapchat filter or something. Big round eyes. Big round eyes. Zendaya cat eyes. Number four on the list of the top six face-eye combos. Owl eyes.

Owl. Owl eyes in Gigi Hadid's face. Okay. How do you think you'd suit that? Owl eyes are intense. Just they're too intense. They'd probably be too intense for me. It would give me everyone the impression I was intense,

but I'm not really intense. What if you needed the donor and the only donor was Gigi Hadid? Perfect. To take her face in her... You would have to take her face, though. Yeah, because it would stretch. I don't have the golden ratio. So be all on the piss.

It would be stretched out. It would look a little Picasso-y. You'd turn her into a bit of a minger. Oh, I'd be full minger. Big head of yours. Full minger. Number three on the list of the top six face eye combos. You actually don't know if there'd be enough Gigi Hadid face.

I don't think there'd be enough. I don't think this would wrap around. It'd be like Robocop. Remember how Robocop's face came to mind? Here I'd have the whole Gigi Hadid face. And they'd be gassed. Stretched across. And they'd be, whether or not they use my ears or hers or both

or they use a bit of your hairy ass they do a skin graft up to there and so you've got patches of your my face is so much bigger than Gigi Hadid's face

it'd be a full stretch yeah it'd be like Robocop actually that'd be pretty cool and the face would be quite small in the middle of my head because Gigi Hadid

at the luge only uses a small helmet Vaughn needs his yeah you need a bag maybe if you could get Bella's as well. Bella and Gigi's. You're doing a double Hadid. Double Hadid.

Bella on the back. Like in the first Harry Potter where Voldemort's on the back of that guy's head. That works. Number three on the list of the top six face-eye combos, spider's eyes on Tom Holland's face because he's Spider-Man. Yeah, but they've got like eight eyes.

They're all like... Thousands of eyes. Yeah. they've got like eight eyes. They're all like. Thousands of eyes. Yeah. Number. They don't have eight legs, Hayley. Dumb dumb. Two on the left side. They've got thousands of them.

When you said that, I was like, do they? No. You were getting confused because humans both have two eyes and two legs. That's why you were getting confused. I assume all animals have as many eyes as they do legs. Yeah. Snakes have no eyes. No eyes.

Snails, their eyes are on the end of legs, but they're where the eyes are. That's why they're confused. That's why they've got two eyes and two legs, and they have to slug around because the legs are on the top of their head. Cruel. That's so cruel. Take it up with God. Yeah.

Take it up with God. Number. Take it up with God. Number two on the list of the top six face-eye combos, lamb's eyes, arguably one of the cutest eyes in the animal kingdom. Yeah. On Scarlett Johansson's face. Arguably one of the cutest faces. That's a cute face. Okay.

And number one on the list of the top six face-eye combos, Henry Cavill's eyes on Henry Cavill's face. You'd just go a full Henry Cavill face plant. I'd go a full Cavill. He's delicious, eh? He is. That'd make it hard to work with Vaughn if he turned into Henry Cavill after a face transplant. Oh, my God.

I would not be able to handle it. I'd have to let him. It'd be hard to work with me and I'd be hard at work. You know what I mean? I'd look in the mirror and I'd be like, yeah, hello. You and me both. Hello. That's the next episode. Play. ZDM like, yeah, hello. You and me both. Hello. That's the day it stops.

Recruitment firm Robert Walters. They're looking into, this has been a thing in Australia apparently. There was some research done in Australia that found that 42% of people said that chronowo working would improve their mental health. Now chrono working is when you work

the hours according to your body clock. So if you get up late or if you need a little siesta in the middle of the day or you get up early and want to leave early middle of the night even, you work to those hours as long as you're getting worked up. As long as you do your set hours, you can do them any time of the day.

Yeah. So they did research in Australia and Australians were like, hell yeah, and now this recruitment firm's looking into it being like, well, could this be a thing in New Zealand? But what if you work in an industry that relies on other people also being working at the same time? Yeah, that's annoying. That doesn't work for us.

You're like, oh, I've got to talk to this about the project. Oh, but they're working midnight till 6am. God knows we're not working when they're in the mood for it. It also depends, I guess, on the business that you work for. Because someone here, they've said, you know, by breaking free from the constraints of traditional working hours, we can ensure that there is always someone available to cater to the needs of clients or customers,

regardless of geographical location. Yeah, like if your office is serving is serving like the Northern Hemisphere. Yeah. Then you working in the middle of the night is actually quite beneficial. Yeah. No. I. No.

No, I can't let it slide. No, I can't let it slide that you said if your office is dealing with the Northern Hemisphere. The Northern Hemisphere is on the same time zone as us. It's the time zones. It doesn't change if you go up. Oh, yeah, but you know what I mean. No, I don't know what you mean.

I won't stand for this. Well, if you're dealing with the UK, you're 12 hours apart. This is a sort of lacklustre attitude to calendars and time zones. It's all you two wrong. Most of the Northern Hemisphere is. No, I knew you were going to bring that up. Calendar week was a dud because of you. Calendar week ruled.

And not us. The people who are screaming for another calendar week. It was the worst week we've had. The worst week of fact of because of you. Calendar week ruled. And not us. The people who are screaming for another calendar week. It was the worst week we've had. The worst week of fact of the day ever. Yeah. So, yeah. My issue is, like, when I was a freelancer and I was, like, say I was. Oh.

Here we go. Someone's been a freelancer. When I was a strict creative and say I was making something or doing some theatre or whatever or unemployed. Or begging your landlord for another week of free rent. Or waking up my dad like, yo, I'm going to need another transfer. Or waiting for another Labour government handout. Oh, God, I missed all those.

I missed those. Bloody artists. I'm too young to have had those. I would like, if I didn't have anything to do, I'd just wake up so late in the day. Yeah, that's a problem. If there's no routine. 10 a.m., 11 a.m.

You're talking to two dudes who worked afternoons for 10 years. There was days where I wouldn't get out of bed until like 12. Seriously? Yeah, it was bad. Such bad habit forming. You just watch TV shows and play games until like 2, 3 in the morning and then wake up at 1. Yeah, you know the meme of like, it's 10 o'clock,

should I watch another TV show? It was like, it's 10 o'clock, should I watch another TV show? It was like, it's 2am, should I watch another TV show? Oh my God. Yeah, bad, bad. That's bad. I think I'd be in early morning in the office like 6 or 7 and then try to get out like 2 o'clock, kind of 3. Yeah.

So they say your internal clock is 47% genetics. It's hard to override it. That's weird to me because. It's hard to like. That's weird to me because I'm definitely, I was never a morning person until we started doing this, but I am from a family of morning people. Same. Everybody.

Same. Everybody that I ever met in my family, generations before me, great grandparents, grandparents, great uncles and aunties and stuff. Yeah. They'll crack it on. Yeah. Yeah. What about, I was reading an article um speaking of

like working different times and you know a lot of people working remotely yeah a lot of like um countries are doing one of those um v's nomad visas oh yeah so you could just be working on your laptop in any country some some people are doing double jobs working remotely they're double jobbing because like they can get it all done really quickly. And then they're in Bali. And then they're in Bali. And so they're like taking on a whole nother full-time job

and earning like double the money. I wonder what would happen with traffic. Like if you were avoiding rush hour traffic, would a new rush hour eventually emerge? You know what I mean? People being like, I quite like working 11 till 7. Well, already now, like, a lot of places, like, it's a lot busier,

even between 9 and 10. Lunchtime, yeah, yeah, 9 and 10, yeah. And it never used to be as busy. I don't know. Someone's just messaged in, they do chronological working now. Chronological? Yeah, that's what it's called. That's what the chrono is short for.

Chrono is short for, yeah. What are their hours? Do they say what their hours? Chronological means in order of time. Oh, yeah, chrono.fall. Chrono shortfall, yeah. What are their hours? Do they say what their hours? Chronological means an order of time. Oh, yeah, chrono. I don't know. What's the thing about circadian rhythms? Yeah.

What does the chrono actually stand for in chrono? Is it chronological? Chronological just means an order of time. Okay. I would like to know what they do now. Probably in the Northern Hemisphere. Do you know it's weird because the text machine comes in and it says, sometimes it'll have somebody's name if they've entered a competition or whatever.isphere. Do you know it's weird because the text machine comes in and it says like sometimes it'll have

somebody's name if they've entered a competition or whatever. Yeah. But you can always see their phone number. Yeah. And I always think

ooh la la when I see someone whose phone number is only six digits behind the O21 I've got six digits. My mum's a six digit and it's so nice.

You're six digits I'm seven because I took my prepaid number to a plan and the idea was if it was a longer number it was prepaid if it was a shorter number

it was a plan. 4am to 12pm this person works. Oh! Delicious. I love that. What industry person who's listening

with a posh little six digit phone number? Ew! I used to be on a plan before everybody had plans. Oh my god, I've been on a plan since before plans

were even planning. 4am to 12. That's a bit of you. That would be me. I would do that. Because I'm used to it now. I don't know if 4... 12 though, that's late in the day would be me. I would do that. Because I'm used to it now. I don't know if four. Twelve, though.

That's late in the day for you, mate. Ten. I'm looking to work a six till nine. Tops. Yeah, yeah. Actually, why are we adding... I've done a couple of full days at a computer lately. Waste collection. Recently editing videos.

How do people do that all day? How do people sit at a computer all day? It's soul destroying. That's why they get that wrist thing. That's why they need special mouse pads. Oh, I know. Nine Digits works in health and safety for waste collection. Oh, okay.

The Mafia. That's why they're being all... The Mafia. Four o'clock burying bodies in giant oil drums. Yeah, that's right. That'll be at the bottom of the landfill. We've got the Mafia texting in. This is so exciting.

We'll take them. We'll welcome all listeners to the show. Lesbians, Mafia mafia, mafia lesbians. Attractive brown people. They're always welcome here. Play ZM's Fletchford and Hayley. Play ZM. Fletchford and Hayley's silly little pose.

Silly little pose. It is so silly, silly, silly That silly little pole Silly little pole Silly little pole Silly little pole Silly little pole Today's silly little pole. Do you answer phone calls at the gym?

I never do, but the other day I did for the first time. I do sometimes. If I was expecting like an urgent call, I might. Yeah, if you're waiting on... I'm not one of those people that has like... There are people that have full-on conversations. Oh my God, shut up, eh? To the point where you think they're asking you something

or they're talking to themselves. On the treadmill? Yeah. If you're going to have a conversation on the treadmill, you're not trying hard enough. Yeah, exactly. Get a wriggle on. Okay, personal trainer Vaughan Smith.

No, that's beautiful motivation. Yeah, if you've got the ability and breath to have a full-blown conversation. Yeah, what's the point of being there? Get into zone two.

Get into zone three. Zone two, zone two. Zone two, zone three. That's where we need to be, zone two. I rock a zone five from the get-go. I don't think zone five

exists. Zone five. That's dead. That's cardiac arrest. Zone five, baby. 181, I like to be up there. Zone five is a heart attack, I like to keep it up there.

Okay. Do you know what's bad in the women's gym is, you know those bikes, but it's a seat, and they're sort of sat down, and your legs are just doing that? Yep. The women that come in there, and they're just on their phones,

like, legs going very softly. I'd say a level 2, no sweat going on, and they're just on their phones the whole time, and then they'll leave. Yeah, there's no point really, is there? Get your heart in level five. We want 181 to 187. Dangerously high.

Dangerously high. 181, I want to see it. Nope, that sounds crazy. Got to get it up there and importantly, got to keep it there. Okay, that is terrible advice. Personal training, Hayley Sproul. So Little Bowl, do you answer your phone calls at the gym? 81% of people said no.

Yep. 19% of people said no. Yep. 19% of people said yes. If I was expecting a call, I'd do it. Yeah. Just kind of talk really quietly. Or I'd go somewhere where it was quiet. That's what I did. I just jumped off and went out the bit.

I'm not doing it on the machine. Embarrassing. Embarrassing. Dan says, no, I don't. But just so that you know, Vaughn, I've arrived in Singapore and they have WhatsApp here. And Singapore touches another country.

Singapore touches another country. It does. It does. I think in Hong Kong, that does it. It does. Yeah. It does.

That's so mad. Wow. That's crazy. Singapore does touch other countries. Wait, so they've got WhatsApp in Italy. Singapore and Italy now. Good to know. Singapore and New other countries. Wait, so they've got WhatsApp in Italy. Singapore and Italy now.

Good to know. Singapore and New Zealand. Okay, well, they're rolling out WhatsApp around the world. We'll certainly keep you updated. Yeah, 100%. Stay tuned to find out when your country is getting WhatsApp. Please do. Please report.

Is Singapore surrounded entirely by Malaysia? God, I love our listeners so much. They're just on to it. That's good humour. That's good humour. Really good humour from you. Who knew? All right, I played along enough. Dan, just onto it. That's good humour. Really good humour from you. Alright, I played along enough.

Dan, you little bitch. I know WhatsApp's everywhere. I just didn't know that they'd activated it on their phone. Is that where you are? No! For those that don't know, Vaughan asked Hayley and I if we have WhatsApp. We'll be able to find it because it's in our messenger chat,

which doesn't get redacted. And I said, does it, do you, like, I meant, do you have your WhatsApps on? No, you meant. I didn't mean, like, do they have their WhatsApp there? We should find it. I'll find it. We'll screenshot it.

Okay, carry on. I don't know WhatsApp. Certainly not Italy. Five countries forbid WhatsApp. China, North Korea, Syria, Qatar, carry on. WhatsApp. Certainly not Italy. Five countries forbid WhatsApp. China, North Korea, Syria, Qatar, and the UAE. Yeah. The UAE? Yeah, UAE.

When I was there, you had to get a VPN. Weird, you both went through those countries on the way there, so it could have worked. I didn't go through them, so. Oh, did you not? Yeah, it did work. You're incorrect. You went the long way.

It worked in Doha. All right, shut up, everybody, especially Dan. Jane says, I just ignore phone calls all the time. I don't care if I'm at the gym or not. We've got a Gen Z on our hands. Afraid of the phone. I say yes, but I will answer phone calls from my partner at the gym. Okay.

Yeah, no one else. Everyone else can wait, but my partner might. Well, you've got to ask what's for dinner. I don't know. I don't really mind. I'm easy. I'm easy? I hate that.

No, you're not. Fania. Fania. Maybe it's a feminine. A feminine Thanos. Yes. Thanos and Fania. Thanos and Fania, the twins.

Fanias is a female Thanos. Thanos and Thania. Thanos and Thania, the twins. Thanius is a female Thanos. Thanos. A husband, the kids, or my dad calls, I answer the call, even if I'm at the gym or in a work meeting. No excuses. Okay, good. Work meeting. Wow.

If they call twice, you answer it in a work meeting. Yeah. Ahinga says, my gym is in my garage. Oh, yeah. So you do what you want. Yeah, you do what you want. Janelle, I don't have a loud conversation But everyone has headphones in anyway

So they're not going to hear me You think that and then you let out a fart And then the one person not wearing headphones Is right next to you And they'll look We actually need to talk about this next Do we? I actually did something in the gym yesterday

And I was like, it's fine, everyone's got headphones in But they didn't. Yeah. Play it. ZM's Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley. Just an update. I've watched four of the 11 reels we've been sent from Vaughn. Great so far.

Good, good. Two I've seen. Oh. Two I've already seen. You don't say. You just pretend that you've. I'm only saying to you, Fletch. Okay.

I should have seen two of them anyway. Went to the gyme yesterday and... The gyme-a-cologist? No. Ah. The gymnasium. Ah, yeah, good. And I had my headphones in and something...

Do you know what it was? Bad tights. I was wearing bad tights and I was doing legs, so every time I sat down, the tights rolled down and they'd bunch up. You don't know this because you won't wear a high-waisted tight. I did see a funny reel that I didn't send to you. And it said, if they're called leggings, why are your guts in them? Now, I laughed a lot and I sent it to the lads.

Okay. Yeah, you would never send that to a female. I would have never sent it to my wife. I was like, no, she won't find that funny. Well, I was having a guts in the leggings issue because every time I sat down and put my legs up on the leg press, the tights would go, blah, blah, and my stomach would be like, out the top.

And I was like, this is really grinding my gears. Made me lift heavy though because I was getting a little bit shirty with it all. Yeah, okay. Good to find some aggression there. And then one thing I'm learning is that, because I used to work with a PT in the flesh. Yeah. And then she became a flight attendant. Yeah.

So I can't work with her anymore. She's in the sky. How's that going for her, by the way? Fantastic. She's travelling the world. She is seeing the world. Oh, loving it. It was her dream, and she is seeing the world, and she is doing it. Good. Is she getting enough exercise? Oh, she's travelling the world. She is seeing the world. Loving it. It was her dream and she is seeing the world and she is doing it.

Good. Is she getting enough exercise? Oh, she's keeping it tight. She probably is in the... She probably is in the back and forth and stuff, but you wouldn't get the high intensity cardio as much. No, no, no. She works out in the hotel gyms around the world.

She is dedicated to fitness still. Hotel gyms. Like, here's three dumbbells in a treadmill from 2010. And the treadmill that squeals when you turn it on, like the fan belt in your car.

There's a one kg, two three kgs and a nine. And every time you step on the treadmill, the belt holds on the thing underneath and it goes,

squeak, squeak, squeak, squeak. I'm working out and then on holiday. Squeakity, squeakity,

squeak. And then you're like, oh, screw this, let's just go to the buffet. And then you stand just aiggity, squiggity. And then you're like, oh, screw this. Let's just go to the buffet. And then you stand just a little bit of your shoe off the belt and you're like, whoa! It's the pits.

But one thing I'm learning about now my PT is just online is I've got to stack my own plates. You know when you're like, you know when you have a PT and you do this and then she'd be like, we'll put more weight on. I've never had a PT. I don't know. So what do they put your weights on the bar?

Yeah, they do all that for you and then when you're done, mate, you're sitting down having five and she's taking the plates off. It's grand and I didn't realise how good I had it. Now I'm stacking my own plates and I'm getting a whole other workout

in between my actual workout. If I was a PT, I'd make you do that too. No way. No, Sarah used to just absolutely just look after me and let me sit down. I'm puffed. Oh God. I've pushed all this weight. Anyway, I was having just absolutely just look after me and let me sit down. I'm puffed.

Oh, God. I've pushed all this way. Anyway, I was having a real rigmarole with the bar. You know when the plates, they get stuck on the bar and you're like, and you can't get them down. Sounds like you're real grumpy. Spit on it. I was grumpy.

It needed to be lubed up. But I dare not. It was too graphic. Just give it the old huck. Slide right off. So I started under my breath swearing a little bit. Getting frustrated. And then I was like under my breath.

And I won't say words, but they were Fs. Yeah. O for Fs. Ss and all that kind of stuff. And then the final thing was I went on the leg extension machine thing and you've got to like slide your thighs in under a bar and put them over another bar. And someone had set them all long.

And I'm tall. I was like, who? And I started looking around here. And I said out loud, who in this effing gym is taller than I am? And then a woman, a woman like turned and looked at me and she didn't have earphones in. and I was like, oh, no.

She's heard this whole thing. And she'd been around me this whole time, hearing me being like, oh, fuck. Evan and Jeffers. Oh, my God. Tights coming down like this, and then me just turning around. Who in this gym is taller than I am? And she just looked at me, and I sort of saw it as a moment

for me to be like, one of those days. She just thought it was the weirdest thing. She looked at me like a frightened lamb and then sort of shuffled away. Was she taller than you?

No, she was short so it wasn't her. And I couldn't find the culprit either who had set this machine so tall. I was having a good chat to myself yesterday

when I left work. Were you? Took the stairs down to the basement talking to yourself. I do it all the time and I don't even realise I'm doing it out loud talking to yourself. I do it all the time. I talk to myself constantly. Out loud, talking to myself.

Always in weird voices. Okay. Always in weird voices. Like, what are you doing? Streams accents or something. Something like that. Yesterday I think it was Russian. Okay.

As I was walking down there. One good day at work. In my mind I was like, you come to this basement often, you're going to see trouble. Like that in my head. I was doing it in my head as I walked past and the elevator doors opened and a 10 hopped out

and she was just like, oh no. What the hell's going on with this guy? We've got a 10 rocking around in this building. It was me. We've got a couple of 10s

in this building. It was me. Did we? Yeah. Was it Fletch? No, it wasn't Fletch. Oh, okay. Couldn't possibly think

of anyone else. Weird because I was in the elevator yesterday. It wasn't you. You saw me get out of the elevator. I saw you get out of the elevator. I saw a couple of 10s get out of an elevator yesterday. Fletch was one of them. Fletch was one of them wasn't you. You saw me get out of the elevator. I saw you get out of the elevator. I saw a couple of tens get out of an elevator yesterday.

Fletch was one of them. Fletch was one of them. Thank you. We've got a lady ten or a man ten. Lady ten. Oh, great. Yeah, good. Let's go find her around this building. Okay, that sounds a bit creepy. I mean, you can say that. I just happened to cross. Yeah, but your eyes lit up. Always.

See your eyes then light up at a 10. Are you alive? Hello? Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley. She's catching up on the reels. Really good. It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas. Well, we've put it off.

It was a struggle last year, this segment. It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas. It is, Michael. 104 days, 16 hours and 39 minutes until Christmas. 104 days. We're going to be in double digits in just a matter of days. I've got to start contributing to my Christmas hamper. You've just sat very late.

You've just got to get through to Christmas. I know, we've been saying that. If you've been saying that. You've just got to get through to Christmas. I know, we've been saying that. If you've been saying that, you've only got to get through 104 more days. And then what? What, then do I have to sort my life out? And then you've got to get through to Easter, and then you've got to get through to Christmas again.

Okay. That's just how adult life works now. Oh, God, not me. So if you're new to the show, this is a segment that we've done for years where you give us reports. There's no substitutes. Where you give us reports. Except no substitutes. Where you give us reports of early Christmas penetration creeping in.

Now in past years we have started a bit earlier, like August. Yeah. But it was a bit of a struggle last year. Last year was, yeah. It was weird because of like I guess post-COVID and all the, I don't know, it just felt weird last year. People were not spending money as much. Yeah, people don't know, it just felt weird last year.

People not spending money as much. Yeah, people weren't spending money, so the Christmas was a bit delayed. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Wilson, Wilson, where are you, Wilson? You know we always hear from Wilson at the start of the year. Classic. Found him! Got him!

He's been sending Christmas reports for a while now, and I've been like, hold it at the outer marker, Wilson, not cleared for landing. He's cleared for landing today. Well, Wilson, come on in. He said, do you know Christmas Penetration has started on Netflix and they're reporting that they're showing Christmas

movies or they're promoting children's Christmas movies. Already? Yeah. And it said, I'm this close to starting singing Jingle Bells and it's a scene from the Emoji movie where the Christmas tree emoji is ever-present. Also, Typo has started in its email outs promoting their ornaments. Ornaments? Yeah, there's a reindeer here.

I get to do my Christmas tree again this year. That's exciting. But not all new ornaments. Oh, add some. It was a little beer for my liking. It was a little beer. You need to fill it out a little. Yeah.

Melissa said she was in Spotlight, and Spotlight's got Christmas cushions. Christmas cushions at Spotlight? Christmas cushions. Yes, a reindeer one, but the reindeer's wearing a Santa's hat, and the bauble of the Santa hat is a real bauble. Oh, yeah.

That would be annoying. Yeah, it would be if you were just trying to light out. Yeah. Purely decorative cushion there. We're in the wind in Wellington. My least favourite type of cushion. Bonks you in the annoying. Yeah, it would be if you were just trying to like lie down. Purely decorative cushion there. Or you're in the wind in Wellington. My least favourite type of cushion. Bonks you in the face. Yeah.

And also a sort of a longer bed cushion. Yeah. Pillow, I think we call them. Yeah. With Santa and a couple of reindeer on there. Sort of like a bigger cushion. It's like a bigger cushion. But longer.

But a longer and taller cushion. And it's like sort of nice and soft. That you put your head on. Yeah. A bed cushion. Yeah, like a longer and taller cushion. And it's like sort of nice and soft. That you put your head on. A bed cushion. Yeah, like a big head sleeping cushion. A head cushion. Yeah. Good name for it.

Head cushion. How? The email stopped working. It's all in an email, you see. Well, my brother-in-law has messaged in saying, too early for this Christmas shot. And if those annoying elves come back, I'm switching to the sound. They weren't elves, they were

orphans. I told him, he's a grinch and to shut his mouth, they're orphans. They died, didn't they die? No, I think you'll find it here somewhere. Costco, New Zealand, said Christmas is on the way. This is the community of Costco, not Costco itself, but the community of people that love going to Costco. Oh yeah, and they're like, guys, guys, guys,

here's a big tray of muffins, it's 50 cents a muffin, go, go. Go crazy in there. And they do the maths, I looked they're like, guys, guys, guys, here's a big tray of muffins. It's 50 cents a muffin. Go, go, go. Go crazy in there. And they do the maths. I looked at that page. I joined it maybe for like a week and then I was like,

I'm out of here. Want a split of mints? It's actually a great idea. The mints logs are too. It would be good to split a mints. A huge amount of mints. We should actually go

thirds on a mints. The mints log. Oh, I think that'll last us for a while. Yeah, it'll feed your whole family. I don't have a big enough freezer compartment for a mints log. Yeah, no. Like a Yce log. Oh, I think that'll last us for a while. Yeah, it'll feed your whole family for a year. I don't have a big enough freezer compartment for a mince log.

Yeah, no. Like a Yule log. I'll put some in my garage freezer for you and I'll bring you in little 500 grams. At a time. At a time. Sort of a mince dealer, if you will. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

A little mince. I got the good mince for you, but it's going to cost. Thomas reports from Australia that Bunnings is in full swing. Yeah. With basketball-sized baubles. Yeah, I reckon they'd be good. That's massive baubles. That'd be amazing for, like, the trees outside because I think they'll light up. Just huck it in some Norfolk Heights. Oh, I've got big magnolias. Yeah, do that.

Chuck in the magnolia. No festive ballplay here, says Mark. This place is at 100% Christmas penetration. I'm reporting from the Liverpool, from Liverpool in the United Kingdom. Goodness. Alice has said, I am in Whitcouls, Westgate. It is currently September, and I have got a Disney Lego Advent calendar in front of me, and an Advent calendar was jigged.

Already with the Advent calendars. The chocolate's going to go off. It's already been powdered out. I saw a Lego Star Wars Advent Calendar in the warehouse and I was like what is so I went online

and I was like are these worth it and there's like this community online that tell you the best Advent Calendars to buy oh

don't buy that one and there was a Harry Potter one that said the Harry Potter one rules but you've got to have this Lego set to go with the Harry Potter Advent Lego otherwise it'll feel

a little bit bare but if you've got the haul it'll'll work, blah, blah, blah. And then do you want to split a log of mints? Do you want a log of mints? Do you want to split a log of mints? Hey, guys, just popping off to Costco. Who wants to split my log this week? What?

Of mints. Of mints. Of course. Andy says, last report, North West England, Christmas has officially started already. A large part of the confectionery slash chocolate aisle is dedicated to Christmas-specific treats. Well, this is your segment, New Zealand.

If you see any reports of Christmas penetration, early Christmas displays or anything for sale, screenshot it and send it to us on Instagram, FVHZM, or I don't know, you can probably email Vaughan at ZM online. He loves getting emails. Good luck spelling it. Have you got my thing where we talk about how much Christmas penetration is that? Yeah.

Okay, well, let's do it. Well, with 104 days. Oh, we're getting warmer. Right now, Christmas penetration is at... 22%. Already. Already. It is beginning to 22%. Already. Already. It is beginning to look a lot like Christmas.

Play. ZDM's Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley. Well, this, actually, you were away, Vaughan. Twas, twas. And Hayley and I spoke about this. Mm-hmm. Hawke's Bay Airport, a brand-new fire truck, and they were running a naming competition.

Yeah. The name options were Judy Drench, Spraying Mantis, Te Waiwai, Ahi Toa, and Fred, which stood for Fire Rescue Emergency Deployment. Which at the time, Fred was winning, and that seemed ridiculous because Judy Drench is an amazing name for a fire truck. 100%. And so... We got behind it.

We got behind it and it is like, I think it's still winning. Fred is... Down the bottom is Te Waiwai and then it's Ahi Toa and then it's Spraying Mantis. Fred in second place with 20 point... Whatever, 20% of the votes. And Dame Judy Drench. Yes.

At 60% of the votes. This is great. It's going to win. It's going to win. We've done it. We've to win. We've done it. We've done it. We've done it. We're going to be in Parliament.

Hashtag influencers. We have influencers. Are we going to form a coalition or have we got the majority? We've got the majority. We've got the majority. We'll do what we want. We've got the majority. Now, overnight, Producer Carwin has received some correspondence.

Yes. So I woke up this morning to a lovely email with the email address Hawke's Bay Airport. Oh, are we in trouble? Yeah, now I was like, now this could be good or bad. Do I want to look at this first thing in the morning? But I opened it up and our lovely friends at Hawke's Bay Airport have seen our campaign, have heard our campaign, are loving our chat about it

and want us to come to the naming ceremony. Oh, my God. So now they haven't told me that our name is definitely going to win. I mean, it's going to win. It's got to win, right? And so they had extended the voting until Friday. So this Friday, 13th, is the last day to vote. Okay.

But I feel like we've got this in the bag, right? I feel like starting a side campaign for another one of the names. No! You have to be on board. We're a team. It wasn't even on my mind until I saw how excited you were. You want to crush my dreams? There's something inside me I can't control.

I've never felt more influential in my life. And I've never been to a sort of naming or an opening ceremony of anything. Is it going to be a ribbon? Do you think there'll be, because you know sometimes they smash a bottle on ships. Is that only ships? Yeah, they don't do that. Well, should we take a bottle of cheap bubbles just in case? I don't think you'll be able to smash it on a fire truck, no.

Because then they'll run it over and they'll pop the tire. Yeah, they'll get a flat tire. Okay, we won't do that. We won't bring a bottle and throw it at the truck. Are we going to go? I mean, I'm going to have to talk to Ross, boss, but I have a show credit card. Book flights. Yeah, just book flights.

Just book flights. Like, ask for forgiveness. Fletch and Vaughn will share a bed. Oh, perfect. It's fine. We used to have to share a bedroom, didn't we, when we went away for work? Two single beds.

You mean Carwin have shared a bedroom once before? Bird and Ernie. We were like Bird and Ernie. Maybe we could camp out at my mum's house. She might let us in. It's quite cool. Is it getting warm? Oh, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.

Okay. Are we getting dressed up? Or should we get like... We're like fire people. Oh, you're hot. Because... I want to wear the helmet. I want to get drenched by the hose.

I don't know if you... I think that would cut you in half. Yeah, Vought and I have seen... Because we got to go to the Auckland airport, didn't we? Behind the... And we saw the fire truck squirt. And it would knock you over. So it would have to maybe rain on you.

No! I want a full blast! We should do this. And we should make T-shirts. We should get T-shirts made. We should go and have a full... Oh, my God, this is fantastic. Wait, you just said you want to get drenched and be in a t-shirt. Yeah.

White t-shirt. So you want a wet t-shirt competition Yeah, I want to wear a little white t-shirt. It's inappropriate. It's inappropriate. Get photos. It'll be great. It's inappropriate. Oh, it depends. Do you think we'll be, if we go, do you think we'll be allowed to turn on the sirens? Oh my god, I hope we get to whoop whoop. Surely. Whoop whoop.

Could we light a small fire? Wait, do airport fire trucks have sirens? I was going to say, because they're already at the base They're already putting out the fire Yeah, exactly They don't need to get through traffic Yeah, nothing needs to get out of the way No, but they need to tell all the baggage handlers and stuff

To get out of the way Okay Surely They've got to have a siren I think we should go Do you think there'll be a ribbon? Don't ask Ross Do we need giant scissors?

We'll get some giant scissors We'll be way a ribbon We'll cut a ribbon a ribbon? Don't ask Ross. Do we need giant scissors? We'll get some giant scissors. We'll beway a ribbon. We'll cut a ribbon. I love this. Don't ask Ross. Just put the flights. We've got some ribbon on that Akoya package that we got. We could string it all together.

We could tie all of our ribbons together if they didn't have that one. No, we'll get an actual proper big ribbon. We'll get a proper big ribbon. That'll look so cheap for us. Well, that's exciting. Well, voting closes on Friday. Don't let us down because if we turn up and bloody Fred wins, well, you know, we'll be disappointed.

Somebody said the New Zealand response team here. Our response truck is called Bert. Big emergency response truck. And our response unit is called Ernie. Yeah, that's good. That's good. Okay, that's good. That's good.

That's so good. But is it as good as Judy Drench? No. For a fire truck. And it simply will not. It simply will not. Do you think that Dame herself will ever hear of this firetruck named in her honour? Surely.

That's the next step. We've got to go. We've got to ensure that this happens. The next step is reaching out to Dame Judy Drench. Yeah. Drench. Didn't one of her grandkids go viral on TikTok? Yes.

Was that Judy Drench? Judy Drench. Yeah, he was hanging out with her and he was calling her Nana and he was like talking to her about everyday stuff. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Just hit him? Judy Drench. Yeah, he was hanging out when everybody was calling her Nana and he was like talking to her about everyday stuff. During COVID. Yeah, hit him up. Get Nan on.

He can talk to Nan. Love it. Hey, now I've just, I've just realised something. The Judy that we have named the truck when we're trying to, J-U-D-Y. She's J-U-D-I. Judy Dent is J-U-D-Y. She's J-U-D-I.

Judy Dent is J-U-D-I. We're going to have to get that changed. Oh, we have to get that changed. I didn't know she's, yeah, she is, of course. She's a J-U-D-I. Yeah, she is. Or maybe she's her own Judy. Yeah, okay.

I don't know. We'll have a think about that. That's very exciting. We're going to get very involved. Okay, we'll get some flights in. That'll be exciting. Play ZM's Fletch Vodden Ailey. Very exciting. We're going to get very involved. Okay, we'll get some flights. That'll be exciting. That's why you've got to do a budget before you go shooting off your mouth, inviting people to things.

Because there was a couple, they've shared a story online. They started planning a wedding, right? And then they started saying to people, hey, save the date. This is when we're doing it, obviously you're here. They had 60 people on the list and then they started putting together the cost. And they went,

holy shite, that is going to be expensive. So then they had to go and do a bit of an awkward uninvite, don't save the date, including their siblings. And the reason they made that decision. The siblings.

I know. So they went down to like a little bit of a micro wedding. So they had both sets of parents. Wait, how do you go from inviting 60 people to a micro wedding? Yeah, both sets of parents and a couple of their closest mutual friends that they see all the time. And their siblings are not those people. They're just family. They friends that they see all the time. And their siblings are not those people. They're just family.

They don't see them all the time. And so they had to uninvite their family. Now, the way they went about it, I take umbrage with a little bit. They did a group WhatsApp and just said, Hey, guys, we've actually had to rethink the wedding, so you're no longer invited. And obviously the siblings were somewhat upset

and it caused some tension. That's so awkward. I'm like, if I've told you you're coming to my wedding, you're coming. Kind of weird because you did

and then you uninvited us. Yeah. Yeah. You're not coming. I might not even go. Anyway, so the uninviting thing is so awkward. I'm just like, if I've invited you, I just have to follow through and be like,

I know, I know, but I've opened my big mouth. Yeah, but then I kind of, if someone had said, save the date, and then they said, hey, look, we've kind of thought things through. It's very expensive. I'd get it. I wouldn't be upset about it. No, but it's caused drama. And I want to know, have you ever uninvited someone to something

or were you uninvited? And was it for a reason that was like maybe some drama, something changed, something happened, rather than like this for them when they were like, it's budget. Maybe someone broke up, like couples break up all the time and then they uninvite, I don't know, maybe the partner who they're not that close with and they're like, hey, look, don't bother anymore. Hey, yeah, the wedding's happening,

but maybe it goes without saying that you're no longer invited. Or friendships break down and they're like, hey, look. But you just need to send them a little, hey, just making sure you're not coming. Yeah, because you don't want them. Because you were invited. You don't want them turning up. But being uninvited is something that isn't like a number restricted thing or a cost. Yeah, that's what I meant.

Like, could you get uninvited to a first birthday? Someone like, don't bother coming to the first birthday. Like, you haven't shown enough interest in this child in the first year. You know what? Don't even come. Consider yourself uninvited. Because weddings are like expensive. That's totally that thing that if someone breaks up with someone, you've got to establish that $250.

But maybe it's just a fight with a family member and they're like, no, you're not coming now. I love that drama. Okay, we want to take your calls. Give us a call now. 0800 dials at M, text through 9696. Have you uninvited someone or been uninvited to something? Give us a call.

Did you uninvite someone? Were you uninvited somewhere and why? That is the question. Sigourney, you were uninvited to something and why? Did you uninvite someone? Were you uninvited somewhere and why? That is the question. Sigourney, you were uninvited. Yes, I was, but firstly, first time caller, long time listener. Long time listener, first time caller. Long time listener, first time caller.

Yay! I still suck. You nailed it. You nailed it. Thank you. Now, where were you uninvited to? So I was uninvited to a family wedding overseas, but I wasn't uninvited until after flights were booked.

No! Oh, my God. You're coming anyway at that stage. I think I read someone, this happened to someone online, it went viral because they were like, I've literally booked my flights. Like're coming anyway at that stage. I think I've read someone. Yeah. This happened to someone online. It went viral because they were like, I've literally booked my flights. Like, what do I do now? Just go on holiday. It's crazy.

But it got worse because they decided that they didn't know me, but they wanted my husband to go to my husband's family. So I said, instead of me going to the wedding, I could dog sit all the family dogs and he could go to the wedding. So now you're working. Now you're working. No, that's no way you're dog sitting jesus what did you say i hadn't even met but yeah i told them very nicely no that's not happening and um my husband decided not to go to the wedding and we went and had an anniversary holiday instead. Yeah, there we go.

That's lovely. That's nice. Still with the husband? Yes, that was seven years ago. Yeah, we haven't even seen that family since. Happy days. Yeah, great. Happy days.

Sigourney, thank you. A couple of quick texts. I, the bride, had to uninvite a bridesmaid three weeks before the wedding because she stole money from all of my other bridesmaids and guests while planning my hen's do. Holy. She did the overcharge. Oh, yeah, but no, that should be a planning fee.

That should be a planning fee. She charged for admin. Somebody messaged in saying that they were at a wedding where someone had been invited to the ceremony, but not the reception. Oh, yeah. So they don't have to feed them. Yeah.

So you just, which by the way, just don't invite them to either. Yeah, no. It's all or nothing in my books. Yes, I don't get that. And then I have to leave and maybe come back later.

What am I, the celebrant? Unless the ceremony is completely private and then they just are just having a reception and everyone's there. Yeah. My friend thought she was invited

to the reception part, even found a place sitting with her name and sat down only to realise it was somebody else with the same name. Oh no. She realised she thought she was invited to the reception part, even found a place sitting with her name and sat down, only to realise it was somebody else with the same name. Oh no! She realised she'd only been invited to the ceremony part when she pulled out the invite.

No! Poor girl, she pretty quickly left. That's so awkward, sitting down. Hi, I think, sorry, I think you might, Hayley? I think you might be in my seat. Oh, but I'm Hayley. Oh no! You don't do that. You can't. We got married in February this year. We uninvited two lots of people.

One of them was my old boss. He invited himself and even wanted to do a speech. Oh, no. Yeah. Another one was a good friend, but in the end, we realised he was a horrible person. He wasn't happy with his own marriage, so he kept telling us not to get married to each other

behind each other's backs. Yeah. Someone uninvited a family member and they got shitty at them and they said, well, this is how it is, and the family member just turned up anyway. You don't do that. How rude. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley.

ZM, Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley. You don't know. You don't do that bit, Jared. It's your last day. You can do that bit. Oh, I like that. Fletch, Vaughn and Hay, Benson, Boone, slow it down. Ten past eight.

Jared, it's your last day with us. Yeah. And we're going to talk a little bit. You do it better. You've been doing it for 22 years. You don't do it better. Hey, shut it, you. We're going to talk more about the fact that you're leaving next.

But as a small present to you, we have allowed you to run a small, concise, tight little game. Small? Small. Hayley and I have a rule, don't we? We have a rule. I promised him in life, these are two things I promise you, my friend, I will never have a baby

and I will never become a Dungeons & Dragons-er. Yeah. And I'll see you for our 40th and 50th birthday in Ibiza. Well, you're about to play Dungeons & Dragons and I'm guessing it's going to be so sexy you might end up pregnant at the end of it. Oh, my God. Two things at once.

Wow. So this is our parting gift for producer Jared, a game of Dungeons & Dragons, which I would never normally let happen. The role play is the funnest part of Dungeons & Dragons. There's leather sacks and wooden bits. Look at this. I've got a dice that's 100-sided.

I was like, how do you even? There's the number. We call that the golf ball. The golf ball. The golf ball, yeah, right. Okay, Jared, over to you. He's the dungeon master, by the way, so shut it, pleb. So I've made you each a character sheet,

and I've heavily simplified all the rules. Okay. Sorry, I've got a question. What if people listening get so turned on in their cars? Yeah, that they crash? That they crash. Yeah. It's never happened before in D&D.

It's actually never, ever happened. Okay. Just checking. So you'll see you've got stats, strength, dexterity, charisma, and smarts. If there's a red X, it means you're bad at it. If there's a green tick, it means you're good at it. Okay. If you're good at something, you roll your two dice.

If you're bad at something, you roll just the D20. Easy. Any questions? You're going to have to... I'll talk you through it. So, Vaughn, here you go. That's for you. You're going to have to think of names for yourself.

Hayley, that's for you. Okay. And Mr. Fletch. Okay. Do I say what I am? I'm a handsome character Look at my arms Look at those legs

Look at my arms You just need a name Your introduction will come from the Dungeon Master Please, you're not in control Relinquish What? Relinquish You just have to think of a name

He's told you what you have to do Wait, I need a name for my character Yeah Okay Name him what you think he looks like Okay As we enter the scene What is happening? What is happening? A bearded dwarf Name him what you think he looks like. Okay. As we enter the scene.

What is happening? What is happening? A bearded dwarf rides next to a large, muscular man. Is that you? Are you large and muscular? It's me, yep. Show me yours. Can I see? Are we allowed to see each other's?

Yep. Hot! Yeah, I know. Okay. As these two gentlemen sit beside each other, after a long journey, the town right across the hill, they see a figure standing on the side of the road wearing... What are you wearing, Hayley?

I'm wearing sort of ethnically ambiguous traveller clothes. Cancelled. Yeah, I was going to use the G word, but I said traveller clothes. Cancelled. Yeah, I was going to use the G word, but I said traveller. And I've got all sorts of jewellery and headpieces and I've got long raven hair. The two gentlemen pull to a stop in their horse-drawn carriage, laden

with rugs and various goods. He's a rug merchant! Which one of you is driving? I'm driving. Vaughn always drives when we go together. Vaughn drives. So slow. Vaughn's not driving.

Vaughn's not driving. Driving is for Thorn Paghammer. Thorn Paghammer. We are noble dwarf. Wielder of the axe and protector of? What does that mean? I'm the protector of? Greg.

Greg. Greg! Greg! I'm Greg. What do you do for work, Greg? I sell rugs. What type of rugs? Wholesale rugs. Because I've ordered too many. I've got a container sale. Classic Greg. The roadside figure holds

out her thumb and asks, Is a ride loves? Is a ride for a lovely little Giz a ride, loves? Greg. Giz a ride for a lovely little traveller like meself? Greg, are we stopping? Yeah. Jump on, love. Yeah, sure. I promise it'll be worth

your time. Don't you spoil me his rugs. I can help you onto the carriage because I've got good dexterity. Oh my god. And smart. Excellent. Can I have a little squeeze of your muscles muscles as you reach down to help the traveler oh get onto the carriage uh fletch give me a strength check which will be a d20 and a d oh just a d20 what does that mean This is a big one. No, no, no, the one with 20 sides, not 100. This one. Yeah, that one. 20. What is 20? What does that mean?

That's the best roll. That's the best roll. You reach down and clasp hands with the traveller. Yoinking her into the carriage with barely any stress. Yeah, I knew that would happen because I'm strong. You've given me so hard a tits pop to have. Oh, my God. Look away. Look away. Hayley, this is not one of your audio box happen. Oh, my God. Look away. Look away.

Hayley, this is not one of your audio bugs. That's wasted on Greg. I'll have a look, then. Have a geese. Not bad. Not bad. The tavern comes into view. You guys disembark and walk through the saloon doors.

Standing at the bar is a handsome, shaved head, heavily mustachioed man. Hello there. Oh. Welcome to the Dusty Butterfly Tavern. Hello. We've got lovely performers. Oh, I see you've met one of our star performers now. That's me.

I'm actually performing tonight on me guitar. That's what I take this for. Oh, no. He comes out when he whips her on the carriage. When I play, I rest him on the top of me guitar. Oh, no. Comes out when he whipped her on the carriage. When I play, I rest him on the top of me guitar. Oh, beautiful, beautiful. Well, I'm just trying to make a little bit of cash because I see here I've actually just run out.

Oh. And playing the guitar is actually one of me only skills. Well, while you play the guitar, I'm going to have a pint in moderation. Thank you. Of course. I barely drink myself. Well, if you just take a pew down at that seat right at the front of the stage,

we'll get you sorted out. Oh, thank you, Mr. Bartender, sir. Javier. Oh, Javier. Oh, my God. A Scottish Javier. I was going to say, a rogue name for a Scotsman running a pub.

Oh, yeah. The stage manager of the Dusty Butterfly Tavern points at the half-orc bard, which is Hayley. That's me. What's her name? Trinny Lala. Trinny Lala. Trinny Lala. Trinny Lala.

She sees the stage and starts playing her signature song. Oh, wrong one. Oh. Wrong one. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh. This is my little song.

I am a little wrong Got my tits out on my guitar As I strum and I play for the fellas Loody doody trinny la la Trinny la trinny la la la Awesome. Okay, roll a D20 for that performance check. Oh no!

What's my D20? This one? Yeah. As we re-enter the table. I hit a 15. Not bad. You take off your wide-brimmed hat. Wait, what is this?

You take off your wide-brimmed cap and begin to pass it around the audience, collecting change. Oh, money. Please, I'll finish my performance, sir. The hat goes to... Bawthorne Paghammer. Bawthorne Paghammer. What? Bawthorne, Paghammer. Bawthorne, Paghammer.

What? Bawthorne. How much do you... Got a dollar for a girl like me? A dollar? I'm not familiar with it. Here's a piece of gold, though. Oh, you got a piece of gold.

Oh, that's worth a piece of gold. Okay. What about you, Greg? Here's a feather. A feather? Classic, Greg. Wow. They're very valuable.

A man in such resplendent finery as Greg. Oh, no. We're giving a feather. The hat passes to Goliath. He's got long wildebeest hair, a thick beard, rippling pecs. Oh, my God, Goliath. He writes something down on a piece of paper. What is he writing for me?

He says, Aloha. Drops the piece of paper into the hat and slings you a little wink. Oh, I thought you were going to sling me over his shoulder. As he reaches to hand the hat back, a blur of green. A little frog man wearing a cork hat springs into action. He snatches the hat. He runs out the door. The dude's phone number. What are your goals? He grabs Fletch's pouch. Everything's gone haywire.

The frog leaps over the table, runs out the door. Roll initiative, which means roll the d20 and then that determines who goes first. Three. Three. Ten. Ten. What'd you get, Fletch? The one with triangles. Two. Two. Vaughn get, Fletch? The one with triangles. Two. Two. Vaughn, what do you do first? Six. Throw my axe. Throw your axe.

Roll a d20 to hit. 17. That's a hit. See, let's just do this all night. Your axe clips the frog. Like all night on a Saturday. Hang on, we need to find out. On a Saturday. We need to find out what happens to the frog.

He just tapped his watch at you. He just tapped his watch at you. I just tapped my watch at you. The frog, the axe clips the frog, sends him spiralling out the saloon doors. You guys burst out after him. Oh my god. The frog. It's a full production. Holding all your money.

It's still going. It's still going. Let's wrap it up. Well you've got your move. You've got to do your move. That's a 100 right? That's a going. Let's wrap it up. Well, you've got your move. You've got to do your move. That's a 100. That's a 42. We'll end it there.

Roll that guy. The frog hides behind five hefty ogres. We're bearing their weapons. The highest number just gets to leave. No, we are converting our listeners, I'm afraid. 15. And that is where we'll end today's session. No!

He got away with the gold. And Jason Mamoa's number. Goliath number. Damn it. Post Malone, chemical, you're on set. I do that back. Play ZM's Fletch Vodden Ailey. Play ZM.

And we just played some Dungeons and Dragons. Very simplified version of it. People enjoyed that. A lot of messages in from people saying how much they loved it. Sitting on that for four years, you should have been doing that every week. No, I don't know. Giving Greg a voice by the end of it, maybe.

Tried, maybe. That was Greg's voice. Oh, that was Greg's voice. I'm Greg. Didn't match the body. Dungeons and Dragons is not for me. It's not for you. But it was a special treat today for producer Jared

who is leaving us today. Yep, sadly leaving us. As you mentioned yesterday, tough times. You have lost your job and you are thus leaving us. And we're very sad about it. We value you a lot and so do our listeners. A lot of messages coming in now saying sad to see you go. We'll miss your dulcet tones.

Yeah, dulcet tones. You do have dulcet tones. You do have dulcet tones, especially when you're working with two men like this. I take umbrage with what you just said about our voices. I would say my personal highlight of Jarrett's over the last three years has to be I take umbrage with what you just said about our voices. Yeah. I would say my personal highlight of Jarrett's over the last three years has to be when you role-played as Jason Momoa. Oh, yeah.

And I believe a lot of people loved that. Because you did a lot of acting at the private school, didn't you? Yeah. Yeah, and it really showed. It really came through in the performance. It was very funny. Very funny. It was a lot of fun.

Thank you. Yeah, that was a highlight for me funny. It was a lot of fun. Thank you. Yeah, that was a highlight for me as well, actually. We're going to miss you. Yeah, we will miss you. I'm not seeing you every day, but we talk literally all day. Yeah, we sail. And we play video games together. We're pirates together.

We're pirates together. We're nerds. Yeah. We're D&D together. We're Fortnite together. We do lots of things together. God, gay. I tell you what, that's the one thing we've not yet plucked

up the courage to do. Well, maybe you can roll a 20 and it'll happen. I don't know how this nerd stuff works. We had lots of messages on the pod. Sexuality's a scale. 20 could be straight gay, 1 could be straight hetero and 10's sort of like a meandering

little wandering bi in the woods. We had lots of messages on the podcast family Facebook page, which we're going to do on a podcast. We are going to make you do it. We make you sit down and listen to nice things people say about you and I know you and I

are probably the same. Nah, it'll be good. But a lot of people want to know what you're doing next. Probably the same ilk that we do. I like that. Yeah, I'll probably mute it. Yeah. Nah, it'll be good. Yeah. Yeah, but a lot of people want to know what you're doing next. I am going to a group of people called You Know Media, and I'm going to go do some podcasts and some nerdy things with them. I might be doing some stuff with Viva La Dirt League, potentially, in November.

So fingers crossed for that. Yeah. But, yeah, I've had a blast the last four and a half years. The alarm sucked, but, yeah, it's been good. The alarms do continue to suck. I'm not the one getting to know you not being tired because I've only ever known you as the dude getting up at 4 o'clock. Completely different person.

Yeah. You deleted your alarm in front of us today and we all just went, I forgot what I was like. I forgot what I was like before I sleep deprived. Do you remember what I looked like on my first day? Yeah, dude. No moustache. No moustache.

Long hair. Long hair. No hair. Long moustache. Yeah. Yeah. I reckon go long hair, long moustache. I reckon no.

Well, we know that you are passionate about podcasts and excited to see what you do with that. So we have a gift for you from us as a team that we hope will help you along your journey. Open it, open it. Open it, open it, Grandpa. Do I do the card first? Well, no, that's just a big, classic office card. going to read that later. It's a big, giant, classic office card.

Great. See, he's all about the audio. He knows. He knows. He's well-trained. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He knows well. We've taught him well.

Oh, it's a mic. Yeah. Awesome. That's, yeah, very helpful. And the thing is, thank you so much. You want to turn those on before you do a seven-hour Twitch stream too. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah.

And maybe don't lose the HD card like you did at the cocktail special. SD card. SD card, SD card. And, of course, we love a food snack. And we did talk to our show sponsor, and we have a tower of nuggets, a pyramid of nuggies. A nuggies tower. A nuggies tower because we know you love.

Because no one likes cake. Yeah, no one likes cake. No one likes cake. Nuggies. A nuggies tower. A nuggies tower because we know you love... Because no one likes cake. Yeah, no one likes cake. No one likes cake. Nuggies. Carrot cake. No, but nuggy cake. This is amazing. You guys are spoiling me rotten today.

Well, you deserve it, mate. Thank you. Thanks for working so hard for us. Yeah, we'll appreciate you. And now we can just be normal friends and we'll go to Iron Maiden on Monday and rock out and I'll get up at four o'clock the next morning. And you won't.

Good luck with that. Thanks. I will be sleeping in. Play. ZM's Fletchvorn and Hayley. I'll get up at four o'clock the next morning and you won't. Good luck withdo-do-do-do-do. What's that? This is what I'm doing is bird noise. Is that your pee-waka-waka? Yeah, it is. It's native birds all week.

It's native birds all week. And today we're having a look at the fantail. First of all, in my research of the fantail, I learned that there's fantails all over the world. Oh, my God. They look a little bit different, but our fantails, I thought we had the fantails. There's fantails all over the world. Oh, my God. They look a little bit different, but our fantails, I thought we had the fantails. There's fantails all around the world.

This is like the first time I went overseas and saw a Westfield. I was like, you're what? I know. Are you kidding me? I thought that was us. I thought that was us. And you've got them in America. I was like, what?

That's ridiculous. Seeing a Michael Hill jeweller overseas? Yeah. Oh, my God. Although those didn't go so well. I don't know if there's too many left. Every now and then there's a Glassons in Australia. You're like, that's insane. What a Michael Hill jeweler overseas? Yeah. Oh, my God. Although those didn't go so well. I don't know if there's too many left. Every now and then there's a Glassons in Australia. You're like, that's insane.

What are you doing here? What are you doing here? How embarrassing. Get out. I'm trying to get away from my old life. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm trying to start afresh. Okay, I'm coming for a $20 to hump.

So the Fanta, or Piwaka Waka as it's called, synonymous with New Zealand, native to New Zealand, but at some stage the common ancestor they all had has been around. They're all around the place. They say Australasia, native to Australasia. Right. So those are the fantails.

We'd look at them and be a fantail, but the overall, is it a genus? You can't say that on the radio. Don't say that. I don't need to see your genus. Wow. HR, he tried to show us his genus at 8.33 in the morning. You guys want to see my genus? I don't want to see it. You want to see your genus. Wow. HR, he tried to show us his genus at 8.33 in the morning. You guys want to see my genus?

I don't want to see it. You want to see my genus? No, like domain, kingdom, class, order, family, genus. There's other phantoms around the world. What are you thinking about? What I'm thinking about here. What? Yeah.

Big question. Funny. Today's fact of the day about them is that when they build their nests, this is from a Blackburn study in New Zealand, they were observed, fantails have an average of four nests in a season, sometimes five. And they lay eggs in each nest. Imagine how much the moving company's making. That's a lot.

Why are they abandoning their nests? They're not abandoning them. They've got multiple on the go in case one's corrupted. Secret families. Yeah, yeah, secret families. But it's the same phantoms in each nest, apparently. Right. It's kind of hedging your bets if they lose one.

Yeah. Okay. Totally. Totally. And so they nest in pairs, and then they never apparently go to the same nest at the same time. Just to hedge, again, hedging their bets. It's like how the president and the vice president aren't allowed on the same plane.

Yeah. So they're kind of doing a long the vice president aren't allowed on the same plane. Yeah. So they're kind of doing a long distance relationship. Yeah. Hopping and jumping and then, yeah, looking after the kids and you babysit, I'm off to the pub, but the pub's just another house and et cetera, et cetera. And they have little tails on the bottom so that predators can't identify it as a nest from below. Oh my God, I love this.

Very clever. Clever little pewaka waka. Clever little pewaka waka. So today's fact of the day, Fantiles, is that Fantiles can have multiple nests per season. Fact of the day, day, day, day, day. Yeah. Well, just moments ago, scandalous news from Foo Fighters lead singer Dave Grohl. I have recently become the father of a new baby daughter born outside of my marriage.

Full stop. Uh-oh. Uh-oh. Daddy's been naughty. I'm being a loving and supportive parent to her I love my wife and children And I'm doing everything I can to regain their trust And earn their forgiveness

We're grateful for your consideration Toward all the children involved As we move forward together When do you think you found out That this baby was born? At the pregnancy stage? Or as the baby's been born? Nah, pregnancy stage

You reckon? That's wild Crazy And he's been with his Nah, pregnancy stage. You reckon? That's wild. Crazy. And he's been with his wife, like, when they childhood sweethearts. 21 years they've been married. Oh dear. Oh dear. Wouldn't want to be Dave Grohl today.

Hey, I want to talk about how short your relationship was. Because, man, this makes me laugh. There's a chick that says, how many aura points did I lose because these are the flowers he got me when he asked me to be his girlfriend. They're not even dead yet and we've broken up. And she shows like a bunch of like still alive roses which would be like

a week? They don't last long roses. You come from a rose family. Yeah they don't last long. You know rose boy. Pretty little potpourri boy. Pretty little Rose Boy. What, you like your pink little flowers, do you? My mum grows some. To the potpourri fortune. My mum grows some.

Oh, mummy grows you your roses, does she, little baby boy? I've been smelling roses. Your whole life you've sniffed those beautiful roses. Anyway, so we were calling that a week. And it's such a funny way of acknowledging how short the relationship was. And that's what I want to know this morning.

How old were these people? She looks 20s. Okay. Because we've got to put some rules in place. You're not allowed to call up with your intermediate. Yeah. Started going out at playtime, broke up at lunchtime relationship. Yeah.

Adult relationship. Adult relationship. Okay, so you want to hear from people that had the shortest relationships on record. How short was it? And a definitive start and a definitive end. Like you started dating... We don't want to hear you. We don't want this chick.

The relationship wasn't about bloody four guys, you know? Oh, no, we don't hear that. You obviously seeing each other and then you made it official. And then what was the reason you broke up so soon? Maybe, I mean, it could be just a relationship, dating one day a week, whatever. Or a marriage. Someone messaged in. I was only married for nine months. Big day.

People can beat that. Yeah. Oh, people can beat that. Oh yeah, I have a friend that did that. Okay, well 0800 dials at M. We want to take your calls now. Text through 9696. How short was your relationship and what happened? I don't want Hayley's live reading a text. She's right. I just read it. No!

Okay, we want to know. reading a text. She's like, I just read it. No! Okay, we want to know. It's wild, it's wild and then the end is just like, that can't be. No. The end, I reckon the last sentence is like seven. We want to know how short the relationship was because the girl's gone viral because the roses that she got on her

first day of the relationship are still alive and the relationship's over. Yeah. Great way to mark time. So we wanted to know. Got so many relationships just come crumbling so quickly. Stephanie, your parents' marriage, how long was that? So I don't have exact days, but it was in a week.

Were you conceived prior, were you born prior to the wedding? Oh, yeah. I attended the wedding and, yeah, a week later we caught my dad cheating on mum with someone from the bridal party. Dad! Oh, dad! Daddy, I want an awful lot now. Dad.

Dad. With one of mum's friends. How long had dad been with mum? Wait, we don't know. She said bridal. Dad. Dad. With one of mum's friends. How long had dad been with mum? Wait, we don't know. She said bridal party. It could have been one of the dudes. Was it a groomsman or a bridesmaid? So it was one of the groomsman's partners.

Oh. What? That's a double, that's two strikes. Dad really was hurting everybody that day. Yeah. Wow, that is wild. So how long had your dad been with your mum before the wedding? They were together for, I think it was seven or eight years.

Okay. Yeah. God, and he waited for just after the wedding? We're hearing from a lot of people about short marriages, but also short relationships. Stephanie, thank you. Yeah, one week. That's crazy.

So many messages. My sister was in a relationship for five years, got married on the Yeah one week That's crazy That's a record So many messages My sister was in a relationship For five years Got married on the honeymoon One week after He told her he wanted a divorce Because he was seeing somebody else You could have saved everybody

The trouble and the Expense of the wedding Yeah I bought a dress You know I bought a dress for that And flights and accommodation Airbnb

My relationship lasted three days He dumped me because I didn't talk very much But what can I say I'm shy To be fair I was only standing through three. Should you maybe work out if someone is, you know,

a good conversationalist before you go out with them? Maybe. Maybe. Or it's on your level of conversation. Yeah. Yeah. It's just an idea. It's just an idea.

Yeah. Just putting it out there. I reckon. We've got one that lasted a couple of hours. Really? It was by default, though. I once was talking to a dude on Tinder. He asked me straight away to be his girlfriend.

I thought he was joking, so I said, yeah. And then he asked about our wedding and wanted to know if we could elope on the weekend. And that relationship lasted just a couple of hours. Unmatched. Unmatched. You're a bit full on, mate. A bit much, a bit much. Because you probably thought he was just joking around, eh?

Can I be your boyfriend? Ha, that's a bit of a cute answer. Yeah, sure, go on. Yep, done. Okay, cool. He's got half your stuff. Yeah. Yeah. You've go on. Yep, done. Okay, cool. And then he's got half your stuff. Yeah. Yeah.

You've got to sign the pre-nub. Got to sign the pre-nub. Always sign the pre-nub. Holla, we want pre-nub. That's a callback to an earlier joke. You can get that on the podcast. You've got to listen to the whole show, though. Yeah, but you can catch up on the podcast.

You can. I have radio. You can. I just set my alarm for six every morning because God, we do some good stuff from six. Yeah, okay, thank you. And then you late comers. Six is a little more risky, I every morning because God, we do some good stuff from six. Yeah. Okay, thank you. And then you late comers. Six is a little more risky, I'll say.

Yeah, we do. Six to 6.30 is where we put all the risky content. Yeah. Yeah, okay. Because we're not going to be told, there's kids in the car. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Are you going to read out that text

that you were both aghast now? But it wasn't really like a quick. Oh, okay. No, no, definitely not the last. I could read up until the last sentence. Yeah, read up until. Because the last sentence is the worst part. Okay.

So my relationship just ended just after our five-year anniversary but just after we were going to take it to the next step. I assume there may have been

an engagement. Marriage, a proposal, yeah. A proposal of sorts. We'd celebrated down in Queenstown, came back home where we lived with his step-mom and dad. I came home early

from work one day and caught the step stepmom and my partner in bed. With each other. Good lord. Now you are aghast at that part of the story. Wait till you hear the second part, my friend. We'll tell you when the microphones are not live for all parts of the nation. Oh my god.

Can we put it on the podcast today? No. How bad is it? Turn the mics off and I'll tell you. No, I'll just come over and read it. What made it worse? He's speechless. And you know he does some dark stuff. So it must be very, very...

That is absolutely disgusting. It takes a lot to shock this man. We will not be putting that on the podcast. No. That is disgusting. It's just for us. Yuck! Go about your days never knowing what we have read.

Ugh. Okay? Yeah. Is that the podcast done? Because I'm busting for a poos. It's just for us. Go about your days never knowing what we have read. Okay? Is that the podcast done? Because I'm busting for a poos. Busting for a poos. Jesus. Give us a review.