ZM's Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley - Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley's Big Pod - 12th June 2023

Episode Date: June 11, 2023

Burnt Toast  40% still sleep with...  Top 6: Russian Spies  Silly Little Poll!  Hayleys Delivery  Fact of the Day Day Day Day Daaaaay!See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

The ZM Podcast Network. The Fleetspawn and Hayley Big Pod. Thanks to McCafe. Great things are brewing, one cup at a time. Good morning, welcome to the show, Fleetspawn and Hayley. And she's back. She's back in studio. And I'm straight into the admin.

You should see, because you know I've got to return the Audi tomorrow, you should see the state of it. So today is just like organising, unpacking, sorting. My jewellery box exploded in my bag so I've just sorted that out. You've got loads of mail here as well.

So much mail. Some of which we need to talk about later in the show because you've received quite a large box. It's given the reception as quite the fright.

Yeah. But yeah, I'm back. Back, baby. Back and arguably better than ever. Better than ever. Yeah.

Yep. That remains to be seen. Better turn that microphone on. Great start to the week. And clearly you are still just trash. How are you faring today? Because you had a big weekend, didn't you? Dude, I got so plastered on Saturday night.

It was. Did you? I came home and I was wrestling my children because they were still awake. Oh, Daddy got drunk early. Dad went to a party that kicked off at half past six and was home by nine. Oh, my God. 500 mils of whiskey down and four beers.

Far out, dude. But yeah, it was pretty fun, apparently. And I refused to answer to my name. And there, yeah. Right. Yeah, apparently, and I refused to answer to my name. And there, yeah. Did you soil an Uber on the way home? No, no, no. My brother, Laura, and I were both really

burst into laughter. And I just looked at him and was like, hold it together. We're almost there. Because it was like Chani on the side of the road sort of stuff. Oh, my God. I didn't spew but I was very worried about him.

And so he's like, I don't want my children to see me like this because they were staying over. Yeah. And I said, I'll create a distraction. You sneak straight to bed.

Yeah. And that's when I walk into the lounge and I'm like, guess who's home? And then just. Oh, so you were the distraction.

I was the distraction. Wow. Fun. Okay. I was the distraction. Wow. Fun. Big weekend for Vaughn. Apparently I kept poking my wife's boobies saying, I'll have one of those. I'll have one of those. Oh, Vaughn.

I don't know. Yeah. Wow. And then yesterday, I think I woke up at like 9.45, which is wild because I was in bed by like 10. I had a near 12-hour sleep. I think your body was calling for that sleep, so it got drunk to force it upon you. Yeah.

I'm surprised you're this chipper. No, yesterday I was fine. Okay. Yeah, I woke up and we had no hash browns, so I poured a whole bag of those tater tots. Those are so yum. We always get them for the kids. Those are wasted on children. Yeah, they are.

And I ate pretty much the whole bag of those. Or a couple of eggs. Good for you. Okay, coming up on the show today, where you continue celebrating Jetstar's 14th birthday, your chance to win this morning. We've got a couple of $250 credits to give away between 7 and 8. My friend literally messaged me from a Jetstar plane right this second saying,

yay, exit row. Oh, there you go. Perfect synergy. After eight o'clock, we've got two $1,000 Jetstar credit vouchers to give away as well. So be listening this morning to win the Jetstar credit. The top six is on the way.

Yeah. Ooh. State Broadcaster. Mum, mum, mum, mum, mum, mum, mum, mum, mum. State Broadcaster Radio New Zealand was in the news over the weekend. Apparently somebody on the journalist team was rewriting stories about Ukraine and Russia with a pro-Russian slant.

Good Lord. I know. They would get them down the wire, as they call it. And then edit it... The audacity. Edit it to be a little bit more pro-Russian. I saw this reported on the BBC and stuff, and The Guardian. How embarrassing.

It's quite embarrassing. Yeah, embarrassing. So I've got the top six signs. Someone at your work is a Russian sleeper agent. Wow. Yeah, because they're everywhere. They're everywhere. If you believe the movies and the TV shows. If anything, extreme conspiracy, paranoid,

1980s American shows have shown us the communists are everywhere. No one in the studio, right? Well, how do you feel about the invasion of Ukraine? Yeah, they... No, I'm not going to say anything, actually.

I'm not going to say a single thing. Next on the show... We're going to talk about the burnt toast theory. This is something I... No, I could totally get behind this. I grew up, I was about to say in an anti-religious family, a non-religious

family. Yeah. Excuse my wording. In a non-religious family, but as a as a whanau, the Sprouse always believed in the power of positive energy. This is what we'd always say. My dad would always say, whatever you put out into the universe, you get back. And the universe has ways of connecting to make your life great.

Okay. Spiritual. Sounds like some hippy-dippy bullshit out there. A little bit hippy-dippy. We're not hippy-dippy as a family. You're certainly a very positive person. I'm a very positive person. And then therefore, look at my awesome life.

Yes. And when people say, you've got an awesome life, I go, no, it's because I'm so positive. Positive gives what positive gives. Whereas we were raised by pessimistic women. So when people say, look at your awesome life, you say, eh, it could be better. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Could be better. I'm striving for more. Anyway, this is why I'm sort of into this new theory that's been doing the rounds on the Tok Tok called the burnt toast theory. Because it's all kind of like the world aligns for certain purposes and certain reasons. So everything happens for a reason, which I believe in.

Is it that your life is a piece of toast and you just flip it over to whatever side's less burnt? Yeah, and you scrape the knife and get over the sink and scrape off the burnt bits. And sometimes it gets so bad you actually have to cut off the burnt bits. It's too much to scrape. And life's a bit better with a bit of fat on it, you know? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

There's the big globby bit of butts. Cover it in honey and voila. No, the burnt toast theory is kind of like sliding doors. If you burn your toast in the morning, rather than going, oh, well, the whole day's off to a bad start and the whole day's going to be a steaming turd, you have to think of it as the time that you spent making another piece of toast

or scraping the toast burn into the sink may have saved you from a car accident. Oh, yeah, I do this sort of stuff. Justifies being late the whole time. Yeah, but if I was in a car accident, I'd be blaming the toast. It works both ways, doesn't it? Yeah, well, it does.

It could do. I wouldn't have hit that car if I hadn't been scraping my burnt toast. But hitting the car could have stopped an alien invasion. Exactly. You've got to keep going. Why did this bad thing happen? Maybe it's to stop for something worse

so if say you burn your toast in the morning then you spend time and then you get to work and you've missed a meeting and that is the last time now you lose your job but maybe then you get a new job and there is where you meet you know your soul mate or something like that actually it was great you got the new job because a plane

crashed into that old building you used to work in there you go and if you hadn't burnt the toast and been late for work and got fired or something like that. Actually, it was great you got the new job because a plane crashed into that old building you used to work in. There you go. And if you hadn't burnt the toast and been late for work and got fired, you would have died in the building plane crash. Yeah. What is this, a 911? What is this?

This is how you get it. It's a butterfly effect. It's a butterfly effect, yeah. I mean, to be fair, though, you hear those stories of people that were like, oh, I was just leaving the London subway and then something exploded. And you're like, I was supposed to go London subway and then something exploded

and you're like, I was supposed to go because I had burnt my toast and then I wasn't there, you know? So instead of something bad happening and letting that dictate the rest of your day, you go, what has that actually prevented happening? Right. Now, nothing bad has happened to me this morning so far. I've got a slightly blocked left nostril because I woke up and the duvets were off me. But maybe that

nostril being blocked is preventing me from inhaling COVID-19. Or it'll be like the aliens on that great M. Night Shyamalan movie Signs where the boy has extreme asthma but it turns out to be in his favour because he can't inhale the vapours.

And then Harquin Phoenix starts swinging in glasses of water on the alien and that movie rocks. Harquin? Joaquin? Whatever his name is. Jack Quinn. What's his name? Harquin. Margot Robbie character. Harley Quinn. Joaquin. Joaquin. You're changing the J

to an H, not a wa. Oh. Joaquin. Like a jalapeno to an H, not a wa. Oh. Joaquin. Like a jalapeno. Yeah, yeah. Yes, like a jalapeno. Like a jalapeno. Yeah. Yeah, exactly.

I mean, it's all the burnt toast theory. Right. So go into your day with the positivity of the burnt toast theory. It's just about being positive, though, isn't it, really? Yeah. Don't be a pessimistic poop today. Yeah. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley.

Well, a man's retirement plan has gone viral in the States. Now bear in mind this is in the US. Terry Robinson. Robinson. What a classic name. Tezza. Tezza. Now he has said that rather than go into a

nursing home, would that be the same because there's different kinds of, there's retirement villages, homes. Yeah, nursing homes are a bit more hands-on. I think they come around and check on you and do your blood pressure and stuff and make sure you're taking your meds. You have a room with a bed. Yeah, that's where you need the help, isn't it? Yeah. So he's saying

that he worked out it would be about $188 US a day to stay in a facility like a retirement village or a rest home. And then he's compared that to the senior and long stay discount for senior citizens offered by the Holiday Inn, which he says is $59.23 a day. So he's saying that if you take that away from the $188 fee that would cost at a rest home or a nursing home, that leaves $128.77 a day for food and fun and activities.

Food and fun? And he says a lot of the holiday inns that he knows around Texas offer a free breakfast. And I also believe every morning Chingy wakes you up. With the song. Singing in. How you doing? They also apparently, a lot of them have spa pools and swimming pools. So he's found himself a little end of life hack.

Yeah, a little workout room. There's a laundry room. But what if he needs medical attention at the holiday? I don't think that's a... Roll yourself into the pool. Just slip away. I don't think that's... Roll yourself into the pool. I don't know. Just slip away. I don't know.

Roll yourself into the pool. Slip away at the Holiday Inn. I don't know. And then fill up at breakfast. You know, when you get older, you don't eat as much. No, you don't. So you'd have a big brekkie. A big brekkie power on through.

Maybe take a couple of toasts and a breakfast muffin for later on. A lot of those American hotels when they say free breakfast it's a bit of a have. It's not like a free breakfast here. Oh no, it's like It's not a buffet. It's a cereal. Continental.

Yeah, it's a continental. Well, that's smart. And some miscellaneous meats but yeah. It's like the people who are realising that it's cheaper to go on a cruise

for a year than it is to rent an apartment in whatever city they live in. Same thing and you're also seeing the world. Yeah. Get off, explore the cities.

Get off? Well, what else is there to do on a boat? Get off the cruise ship, Vogue. Oh, yeah. What, rolled up in a rug off the back at night? My parents are doing their first cruise next year. Now, my parents are not cruisers in any way. You know, like they're not.

That's never been their cup of tea. My mum likes to plan her own trips. But she kind of got like lured into one, like a big group of friends are going. She's like, why not? And they're going to all sorts of places they probably wouldn't go, like Oman and Jordan and, you know, Egypt and all this. And mum was saying the cost that they have paid

to have the all-inclusive booze, like the alcohol thing, daily alcohol allowance, was more expensive than the tickets themselves to be on the boat. Yeah, that's because all you can do is drink. There's nothing else to do. Yeah, so they charge like thousands, but you can just go to the bar all day. Right. How long are they on the cruise for?

It's quite a while, like seven weeks or something. What? Seven weeks? Maybe. I think I'm wrong there. Three weeks maybe. Get her money's worth in that time. Oh, that boat will be dry when it docks.

Craig and Patsy. They'll call into Jordan or, I don't know, another Mediterranean country and be like, we need booze. Yeah, totally. We're all out. They'll be like, the Sprouts are on board. We're dry. Never thought they were cruise people,

but they did a couple before COVID and they loved it. Do you think you'd be a big cruiser? You're a big cruiser. Big cruiser, big cruiser, yeah. It's those old cinder block public toilets you want to hit up. You know, one of those classic established situations. Different cruiser. Oh, different babe.

Different babe. You're about to expose too much. Not one of those super loose. Not one of those like going, no, you want one. You want one. Here's cinder block outside plywood walls. Yeah. Yeah. Pop a little hole there. Not one of those like going, no, you want one, you want one. It says cinder block outside, plywood walls. Pop a little hole in there, take down your cordless power tools.

Do you look at your KiwiSaver and you think, how, like. What, is $17,000 not going to be enough? How much is a cruise? Yeah, if you could take it out for being over 65, first home deposit or a lovely cruise around Jordan. A lovely little holiday. Oh, I'd love it. Well, all of that to look forward to.

I've slept with a weighted blanket, a weighted knot. I have tried it. Right. Turn on your microphone. What happened? I fletched it. I hadn't turned yours up. Oh, my God. Because you haven't been here for so long.

Oh, my God. I learned to have it. You have silenced women. Yeah, you established a habit. That took me three weeks to leave your fader down. Never do it to me again. Also, don't try to silence me

during Men's Health Week. Is it Men's Health Week? Happy Men's Health Week. Happy Men's Health Week to you. When's Women's Health Week? It's all the time. Yeah, every freaking day we're dealing with it.

Every week. What did I find out something about women over the weekend that I didn't know until the weekend? Something else you guys are dealing with. Enlighten me. Here we go. I was like, that can't be right. And then a bunch of women were like, no, I think you'll find it is.

I was like, eh. Was this when you were drunk at the weekend? Might have been. Okay. No wonder the details are somewhat foggy. What was it? Anyway. I really need to know. I hope it wonder the details are somewhat foggy. What was it? Anyway. I really need to know.

I hope it comes back to you during the show. Yeah, it was something and I was like, no, I would have heard about that. Because God, we love to talk. You guys, maybe I've tuned out every time it's come up. Maybe. Anyway, weighted blankets. They're weird, but I can see why people like them. Yeah. Comforting. Yeah, weighted blankets. They're weird, but I can see why people like them. Yeah.

Comforting. Yeah, comforting. So apparently a lot of people sleep with some sort of security blanket or something growing up. 77% of people who sleep with them as a child continue to sleep with them as an adult, and then when partners come in, it drops a little bit further down. Right.

Because they have the security or the comfort of a partner. Yeah. So 40% of people with partners, without partners, 40% of adults sleep with the same thing they sleep with as a child for security, be it a blankie or an animal. This is you. Here's the hierarchy of our house. It goes me at the top.

Yeah. Then it goes Raleigh. Yeah. Then it goes Kweli. And then Aaron's down the bottom. Kweli is a koala. Kweli is a 30 year old koala bear that I've slept with every single night of my life and I

shan't go without him. I actually struggle to sleep without him. It's just like a habitual thing. Do you take him away when we go away for work? I don't now because he's too precious. So removing him from the household is too dangerous. You could get a carry case, like a protective carry case.

Once I left him in a hotel in Australia when I was a kid and good Lord, did my parents hear about it. And luckily the hotel had him and they sent him back. Right. It was devastated. But yeah, Kweli. Did you ever pacify when you were a kid? No. Because yeah, people really. Did you have a pacifier when you were a kid? No.

Oh. Because, yeah, people really struggle, like, when they're trying to wean their kids off the pacifier. I walked up to a friend's kid once, and they were having a meltdown at the pacifier. I just took it out of their mouth and threw it over a fence. Wait, you did this to someone else's kid? And it worked.

Wow. It worked. That was it. This is why you've got that. I don't know if they were, like, traumatised or whatever, but just like, over the fence. This is why you've got a best- don't know if they were traumatised or whatever, but just like... This is why you've got a best-selling parenting book. Yeah, called Cut That Bullshit Out Now.

Rip it out. Stop that. Yeah. You're making your kids crazy. Where does Kweli, the koala, sleep in bed with you? I straight, like, cuddle him to my chest, but he will like, in the movement

of the sleep, of the slumber, he'll often get loose in the bed and Aaron hates it because Kweli's got a little Velcro strip on his hands

and it scratches, it scratches Aaron. He'll always be like, Kweli's scratching me. Wow. But Aaron has learnt to respect Kweli because he knows

how much he means to me. Yeah, right. I can't sit without him. 40% of people doing that, though. Yeah. There's going to come a point where he's too old and too precious. Yeah, and you need to have him in a display case. Yeah.

Will you buy, next time you're at Duty Free at the Sydney airport or something, will you buy another replacement? This is what I said to Aaron. I was trying to Google, because my mum used to wash Kwale, even in my adult years, but now that I don't live in Wellington, I haven't washed him for a while and because he's so old, I'm scared. So I was searching like antique toy cleaning services, Auckland,

and Aaron was like, antique? He was like, that is a bloody $10 souvenir, airport souvenir store hunk of crap, basically. Wow, jealous much, Aaron? Yeah, sounds like he is, yeah. Well,

Kweli gets precedence over there. But if he needs me to come around and rip it out of your mouth and throw it over the fence, I'll do it. I would, I'd abduct one of your children if I did that.

Rip them out and chuck them over a fence. Play ZM's Fletchford and Ailey. Play ZM. Blah, blah, blah. Blah, blah, blah, blah. This is the top six. Some fingers will be waggling.

Wow. At the state broadcaster, RNZ staffer has been placed on leave after changes made to stories about Ukraine, giving them a slightly pro-Russian twist. Is there an example of... They did give some. They did give examples.

Yeah, because they were stories that came down the wire, like from AP or Reuters or whatever. Yes, yeah. And then they would just change them, and somebody noticed. Because this was reported over the weekend, like, on the BBC and Guardian websites. It was big news overseas. Were they subtle changes like, Russia, comma, who's really cool, comma.

Yeah, Russia, the best country. Russia, brackets, can I get a hell yeah, brackets. Were just taking their tanks for a walk. Yeah. And some Ukrainians chucked themselves in the way. Yeah. The conflict in eastern Ukraine began in 2014 after a pro-Russian president was toppled

in Ukraine's Madan revolution and Russia annexed Crimea with Russian-backed separatist forces fighting Ukraine's armed forces. That's what the original one said. Yeah. Republished on RNZ with a false account of events, the conflict in Ukraine began in 2014

after a pro-Russian elected government was toppled during Ukraine's violent maiden colour revolution. Russia annexed Crimea after referring them as the new pro-Western government suppressed ethnic Russians in eastern and southern Ukraine, sending its armed forces to the Donbass. Oh, okay. Which apparently didn't happen.

I also feel like to the average reader, you'd read that, it would almost go above your head. Yeah. Like it's so dense. Yeah. You'd kind of be like, oh yeah. This is crazy though. This is insane.

Something to happen in New Zealand. Yeah. Well, I've got the top six signs. Your favourite New Zealand journalist is a Russian spy. Okay. Number six on the list. They start every story they write with, Privet, comrade.

It's a dead giveaway, that is. It's a dead giveaway. Yeah. That'll get them every time. Yeah, Mark with a Privet, comrade. Welcome to New Zealand. Number five on the list of the top six signs your favourite journalist is a Russian spy.

They wear woolly hats and long coats to work. Yeah. Even in summer. Even in summer. Long, thick coat. One of those woolly or bearskin hats. It's the uniform. Gotta stay warm.

Gotta stay warm. Number four on the list of the top six signs your favourite journalist is a Russian spy. You used the jug of water on their desk to water your plants and the plants died. It might not have been water after all. Yeah. Use the little wee bit of vodka.

Number three on the list of the top six signs your favourite journalist is a Russian spy. They snap to attention and salute every time you say you're Lenin into it or you're Stalin for time. They've got to. Now that's one for people who are familiar with a little bit of history of Russia.

Yes, very, very old. That's very good from you. Number two on the list of the top six signs your favourite journalist is a Russian spy. When they were on crosswords, they worked in a lot of pro-Russian propaganda. Six across, the greatest leader of all time. Vladimir Putin. If it's perfect, who else could it be?

Putin's five letters. Putin. How many letters did I say? Six. I didn't say any letters, did I? You said six across, but you didn't say how many letters. It was just numbers. Six across.

Sorry. Six across. Six across. Five letters. Yeah. No, no. It would be seven comma five. Yeah.

And number one on the list of the top six signs your favourite journalist is a Russian spy. They have a dash cam. So many Russian dash cam videos. Every Russian has a dash cam. I love a dash cam. Every time you see something weird caught on a dash cam. So many Russian dash cam videos. I love a dash cam. Every time you see something weird caught on a dash cam, that was in Russia. Yeah.

Wait, I kind of work in the world of media, and I've got a dash cam. Do you have a dash cam? Yeah, in the Mazda. How embarrassing. How embarrassing for PAX society who put it in. Oh, he has big dash cam energy. Yeah, he does.

He wants to beat an accident and be like, wasn't me, I got a dash cam. I feel like dash cams would just be a world of trouble for me mostly. Yes, same.

They'd be like, Sue, you were going 65 in a 50. Yeah. Sue, you were swaying over the, you just kind of drifted into another aisle, sir.

I reckon, you're very distracted by this Taylor Swift song. You're going, you're a rogue. You were literally distracted by this Taylor Swift song. You're absolutely rogue. You were literally screaming, I love singing this song with my eyes shut. God, this is a bit, you've really got to feel it. Close your eyes.

Yeah, shut the... You need to get rid of that dash cam. I'm pretty sure this kind of drives itself. That is today's top six. Well, as you know, if you've been listening I have taken it's coming up I think either this week or next week three months

off the gym now it started unintentionally and then what I did is I framed it to make it seem like it was intentional you know what I mean I was going this is what I'm doing consciously, even though time was just slipping away on me.

You were very busy, weren't you? Very, very busy. You were being very busy. And when I was making my show, I was like, do I want to go to the gym or do I want to have another hour making an absolute iconic joke? Well, sold out comedy show. And sold out in Taranaki.

I mean, it's unreal. I'm so popular and so funny. I've got a spare ticket. So do you reckon it'll go for March on Trade Me? Well, I actually need two spare tickets because, you know, my doctor lives in New Plymouth and she wants to come. Yeah, okay. We can probably squeeze her.

For a mid-show check-up. Well, it's all about my body. We could do one on stage. I would like her to run a, like, fact check during the Well, it's all about my body. We could do one on stage. I would like her to run a fat check during the show if she's going to be there. Oh, this could be awkward. I thought you said fat check, and I was like, well, you'll be able to see it from where you're sitting.

Fact. Check. Also, wow, because we've already got a doctor friend. What if they beef? What if they beef? What if they beef? Because, you know, they're like... Well, Dr. Sean's a doctor of homeopathy, isn't he?

No, he's an actual doctor. He's got water, he's got memory and such. No, he's a wizard doctor. Yeah, he's a wizard doctor. No, he's not. He's a quack. He's a proper doctor. Yeah.

What, did he study? I think he's a quack. I think he's a quack. Because he told me to waive the vaccine. No, he did not. Do not. He told me a hot flannel. He already wants to...

He said be a cold flannel. He already wants to sue you for saying that he likes homazines. Well, that's the irony of it. You can't trust a doctor on a homazine. No, no. Especially when the homazine says on the outside, it's the homeopathic homazine. He's not.

Jump in, throw your oils in. The homiazine. It was a homiazine for a different reason. It was very homiazine. Anyway, I'm going back to the gym today. Good luck to you, man. Good. Thank you.

And I've got to start soft because I always do this when I take a break from the gym. As I go back on the first session, blast the legs. Hurt yourself. Got to take another week off. Oh, yeah. The first time when you go back to the gym for ages and you do legs, you're just like. And you can't sit on the toilet. Yes, you've got to sit on the toilet.

Or you can sit on the toilet, you just can't get off it. You've got to roll off it. But it's kind of timely because I'm excited to get back to the gym. It's very good for my headspace. But also now that I'm home and out of the Airbnb, I don't have a shower. I'm back to no shower life. So literally the only

way to have a shower is to go to the gym. So it's sort of a needs must situation. If I don't gym, I don't shower. This is a grim situation. I know. So you've been forced to gym because you need a shower. Yeah. So I was forced to take a break from the gym and now I'm

forced to go back. But I'm excited. I'm ready. I'm motivated. I need some playlist recommendations, I think. Yeah, well, we won't, I won't derail you in any way. No, yeah, I'm back on keto, by the way. Okay, right.

After Latke's. Well, we're going out for brekkie this morning. Right. So it'll start tomorrow. It'll start 10pm tonight. Wait, so you're going to go to the gym today, though? I'm going to go to Lacky. We're going to go have brunch,

and then I'm going to go straight to the gym after with a full belly of potatoes. Potatoes and fish. And fish. Yeah. Potatoes, fish, and cinnamon girls. Yeah. And then I'm going to blast that.

But remember, I'm going gentle today. And then I'm going to work my way up to having a class with Fletch who's been going to the gym pretty hard yeah but I think

if we do a spin class I'm going to do that thing where I've got the bike basically off yeah and they're like crank it up and you're like loose little

flicks of the hand and you're like alright add some weight and Hayley's like fluff man so much so much resistance added. Wow.

Well, I've got to use that acting degree somehow, you know? Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley. Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley. Silly little pole. Silly little pole. It is so silly, silly, silly. That silly little pole. Silly little pole.

Silly little pole. Silly little pole. Silly little pole. Silly little pole. Silly little pole. Today's silly little pole, a suggestion from one of the podcast family members. Look at that. Yes, it was. Thank you. Yes, it was.

Straws. How many holes do they have? Wow. One, like tubular-long hole or two? I'll tell you, man, this has really blown my day apart. Yeah. I need to think about this a lot. Would both answers be correct?

Or has the scientific community... I don't know if science has ever... Maybe the Circle Foundation, if they made a ruling on it? It would technically be the Cylinder Association. Oh yeah, it would be. One hole. The debate about dividing the internet. Since depth is required but a bottom isn't, a straw has, or more accurately

is, one hole with two openings. Oh, the openings! Yeah, which was also my nickname in high school. The openings, or one hole, two openings. Here he comes, old one hole, two openings. One hole, two openings. Here he comes, old one hole, two openings. Hello, lads. Banter.

It's because you made that video. Banter. Yeah, it was one of the earliest internet videos. It was the earliest internet video. You had to leave it loading overnight. We were talking about that at this 40th, and I had an absolute blowout at the weekend. The good old days where you had to work for your adult content.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. You had to let a bitmap load. Or, you know. Or read a bit of steamy literature. Thehunt.com. Thewhat.com? Please don't come around here saying your websites. Good Lord.

I don't even know if that still exists. I don't know. Erotic literature. Would you kids stop bloody TikTok-ing and read for a minute? I know. Please.

Okay, so apparently one hole is what science has said. Okay. But two openings. Depth is required but a bottom isn't. Okay.

So what's a nostril? Which was Fletcher's name in high school. Nickname in high school. But what do the people say? Well, the people have spoken. 54% of people said one hole in a straw. 46%

have said two holes in one straw. Okay, so 46% of people wrong. Split, man. It's split. Close. Here we go. Says Lou. Susie Lulu. She said and this is, I don't believe,

I've seen a reply from her before, so she must have been so invested in this to get an answer in. Yeah. Welcome to her, new listener. He's having a bit of trouble digesting the food they're home. No, no, I just had a bird coming and I had to swallow it. Okay. Because math, specifically the field of math called topology,

a straw is topologically the same as a donut. But imagine squashing that donut until it was paper thin. Then how many holes does a sheet of paper have? The real question is, how many holes does a pair of jeans have? One, two, three. It's got... Oh, yeah. No, it's got... Is that three

openings? One hole, three openings? And then one where the thighs have rubbed them thin in the middle. The gooch is gone, so four openings. Bur hole, three openings. And then one where the thighs have rubbed them. Yeah. The gooch has gone, so four openings. The gooch has burnt out. Yeah. Burnt out gooch. How many holes does a hair job?

This is, I don't know who I am. So I guess that's a straw if you squash it. Yeah, if you squash it, it's a donut. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. And it's one hole. Because you don't say a donut's got a hole on each side, do you? No, you don't.

But with jeans, if you put them all up, there's two holes. Yeah, there would be. No, but there's one hole splits the two holes. Yeah. Oh, I don't know. I don't know anything anymore. Jessica says a hole is defined as a hollow space, so it's just one

long hole. So are people. What? Yeah, we are one. From mouth to anus, we're one hole. We're people. What? Yeah, we are one. From mouth to anus, we're one hole. We're one long, curvy, cavernous,

twisting, adventurous hole. And that was Hayley's nickname in high school. It was a long nickname. It was more of a long name. Curvy hole. Adventurous hole.

If you shortened it so it would be a useless straw, it would only be one hole, says Maddie. Yeah, okay. Lisa said you can block one end and still have one end opening, therefore two separate openings. Also, your mouth and your butt are two holes, which are essentially a straw. Okay, so everyone is equating the body to a straw.

Yeah, in one end, out the other, as God intended. Yeah. Jordan says the object has two holes, but this question has hurt my head. Yeah. Emma, according to the teenager in my house, it's two. If it has one, it's a cave. If it has two, it's a tunnel. A straw is a tunnel for fluids.

As the human is a tunnel. A fluid tunnel. Can we call straws fluid tunnels now? Yes. Yes. I only do cardboard fluid tunnels. I go metal. I go stainless steel fluid tunnels.

You bring your own reusable fluid tunnels. BYO fluid tunnels. Take a block of wood, drill one hole right through it. Voila, one hole, two openings. Right, make the block of wood smaller and tight around the drilled hole and you have a straw case closed, says Matthew. Oh, what a great analogy. Yeah, he drilled one hole and it's got two openings.

I'm glad that he's the only person who's not making another analogy about a mouth and an anus. Yeah. Yeah. You know? He used tools and wood. One hole, two openings. Matthew.

There you go. It's a little pulp. One hole. Mind blown. Two openings. It's settled. Case is settled. Yeah. Play it. Mind-blowing. Two openings. It's settled. Case is settled. Yeah.

Play. ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley. Now, Bottomless Brunch has been sued. Not our Bottomless Brunch. We've got a Bottomless Brunch, the Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley Bottomless Brunch Saturday radio show. Oh, we do indeed. Are we being sued?

We've been sued. What did you guys get up to while I was away? Yeah, we've been sued. So a couple went to a restaurant for a Bottomless Brunch. $65. I've never done a bottomless brunch. Yeah, it's a bit earlier on a weekend for you to be out. And drunk.

Yes, but drinking. No. Yeah. I like to keep my options open at the weekend. They just seem loud. They're very loud. They're fine. They're squealy.

They seem loud and squealy. I feel they've cut down on bottomless. Like a lot of the councils cracked down on bottomless brunches because they were getting people pissing in the street at 11 a.m., do they? I literally saw someone spew on a table at a restaurant. That is so embarrassing. I think it was 2 o'clock in the afternoon, 1 or 2 o'clock. Oh, my God.

Because they'd been at a bottomless brunch, and you'd see people in the Viaduct, and you'd just be like, oh, dear. You can tell where they've been. 100%. But they're still around. One of my friends, every year for his birthday, does bottomless branch.

Bottomless branch, then we go to the Hilton, have a cocktail, then we go to the bar that is embarrassing. And I love it. The temper bowling bar. It's good fun But it's very loud Yeah

So they paid $65 each And then after the first round of food Because I always thought Bottomless brunch Was only just bottomless booze Yes It is It is

Well they wanted more food And they said there would be An additional charge Yeah You get a tiny You get one There's a seat menu for food At the ones I've been to

And you select whatever you want And it comes out And it's always tiny So tiny It's minuscule Right So then they were like We want some more food

They said there's an additional charge And they were like Well hold on The bottomless brunch Didn't specify that it was Yeah Do you need the tums? Do you need the quickies or something?

I've got Galiscon pills if you want some Do you need the Gabby's babes? You're really struggling a lot. I was talking to a guy the weekend at this party I went to. A lot happened

in the small time I was there and he was drinking a rosé and I said, it's nice to see a man drinking a rosé. I don't need these. You need a Gaviscon.

I tell you to go because once you start on a Gaviscon you're a dad with a guts problem in no time and then your doctor tells you you can't

drink beer anymore. He's too proud. I'm fighting it until I'm not going to do it. Okay. I was talking to a guy who was drinking a rosé. I said, nice to see a man drinking a rosé. He said, I just got diagnosed celiac, so no more beers for me.

And then he watched me drink a beer like this. Like if there was a dog, I would have given him a bit. Oh, my God. That's so sad. I'm fine. I'm fine. I'm fine. You're literally going like this.

I'm fine. I'm fine. Just leave me alone.'m fine. You're literally going like this. I'm fine. I'm fine. Just leave me alone. I've got a packet of Gavies. I don't want it because you're starting to get reliant on those things. It's like chaps.

You can't become addicted to Gaviscon. Your body is like, well, I don't need to do as much anymore because he's just going to pump me full of Gaviscon. It's like lip chaps.

Chap lips, palms. Look at you. You've got it right there. You're addicted. I'm not addicted. If you stopped doing that for a week you'd be a flaky mess

your lips would be the Sahara but they're lovely lips aren't they lovely lips I mean the Aesop's doing all the heavy lifting on those lovely lovely lips of yours

anyway this couple they go out for a bottomless brunch maybe someone had heartburn I don't know perhaps it's not

a little bit of gas a little bit of reflux who knows what's going on in these people's dietary requirements. But they want more food. They said there's going to be charged more. And they were like, what?

Then they said they also had five drinks and did not feel tipsy. Yeah, they are juicy because they do mostly mimosas. Yeah. And what are your other options? Could you be like mimosa whole orange juice? Isn't that? That's all it is. But the one, oh, sangria.

Some places do sangria. Oh, yum. The place that I would go to once a year, they bring over a jug of juice and a bottle of bubbles and they pour you the mimosas fresh. And I just go, I don't want the juice. Oh, so you just get a... Straight bubbles.

Glass of champagne. Hack the system. Right. You've hacked it. Well, when this all happened and they were very unsatisfied, they took the restaurant to the dispute tribunal. I love also that they've redacted the name of the restaurant and the name of the people.

I really want to know which one it is now. Same, there's only a few. So they wanted $2,000 in compensation because they said not only it ruined their morning of eating and drinking, so they didn't only want to be reimbursed for what they had paid, they wanted compensation for being put out and the amount of time they put into putting together this presentation

for the disputes tribunal. Now, the disputes tribunal, obviously this isn't the news, so they said, fair enough, you weren't lied to and we believe compensation is an order. $25 each. Payday! Which is $65 is what they paid

to go. So they're not even being reimbursed for what they paid to go and the restaurant didn't get named. I'd be like, tell you what, keep your $25 each, but the restaurant gets named. Yeah, yeah. But they didn't name the restaurant. It hardly seems worth all the effort.

I know, so much effort. I'm on an urban list of the best bottomless branches in Auckland. Did you know that the place that we love, Lucky 8, that does the small plates

and they're so cheap they're basically free, which is what we say as we clock up $500 worth of food. It's $8, that's basically free. We'll just get another one. We did $500 worth of food. It's $8. That's basically free. Friday, Saturday, Sundays they do bottomless food.

Oh my goodness, we simply must. Bottomless food or brunch? Yeah, well bottomless brunch. How much per person? $88. So you've got to hit at least 11 dishes each or drinks. Practically free. I don't know if it's per person.

I mean, that just feels fun. God, now I've been open to the world of bottomless. Even though you've just told me an article about how they're ripping you off. I would say just have a little pre-Sammy, a pre-toast before your bottomless brunch. Eat breakfast before you go and also have a couple of shots and then the brunch will kick off. Been away from studio for three weeks, and in that time I've received a few packages, both hashtag gifted and hashtag purchased.

Do you know what I didn't figure out? Because some of these were hidden purchases, and Vaughan was stashing them at his house house and then before I could get them off Vaughan Aaron went round and I was like, well, caught. Busted. Yeah, there's an absolute pile there and he kept bringing them in and I was like, ooh. Because how is the budget going and

sticking to the budget? Do you know I didn't realise how cheap renovating was and how builders, like if they find savings, they pass them on to you? They absolutely do. I had no idea that they were like that. There's some real good sorts in the industry. Oh, my God, yeah.

Yeah. Which is weird that I had to get a lawyer involved. I already had that. So I'll just give it, you know, I was just going to chuck it out, but I'll give it to Mervyn now for free. Which is why I'm not mad that my builder ordered some wood for his deck and put it on our bill. I'm not mad.

It was a nice type of gift. Wow. It was really nice to give that person a gift. Wow. More on this later. No. Anyway, so I ordered a package and I knew, and it's arrived, and it's pretty big.

I knew that this might have arrived when I wasn't back in the studio. And so I text Paul and I was like, hey, heads up. There may be this thing arriving in the studio. Ha, ha, ha. And it's basically another surprise present for my partner who's been facing these renovation troubles on his own while I've been busy. So I was like, I want to get him a surprise.

And this is something we've wanted for ages. And I found it on Trade Me for a really good price. Is it really? Something you've both wanted for a long time. I would have thought it's not one of those things you think about until you see. And then I'd see it and be like, oh, God. Now, the description is. And you see it and you're like, we've wanted one of these for ages.

I just know that it's something. You've just told us it's something taxidermy and the box is massive. It is. And I am worried about what is coming out of this box. Well, the reason I got it for so cheap is because the guys described it as a very good specimen for its age. So it's a very old piece of taxidermy. Okay, so just in case anyone was going to cancel you

for going out and killing an animal... This thing is like 50 years old. Okay, so just in case anyone was going to cancel you for going out and killing an animal. This thing is like 50 years old. Okay, so it's been, it would have died anyway. Yeah. Even if you didn't, yeah, yeah, yeah. Before I tell you what it is,

I'll just open it. Yeah, of course it did. Yeah, of course it did. I'm worried that it's so cheap because it's got a munted face. You know when you see bad taxidermy, the face is like.

Some of my favourite. That's when I love taxidermy. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. The box is huge also it's been kicked in there's a huge hole

on the side Peter did that but this is what our lovely receptionist Iona said to me in my email like there's a massive package here for you

that it had been kicked in and she had a look just to be like what is it and she got a fright of her life and I said yes

well that's because it's a piece of taxidermy and she said well I didn't kick it in okay right now this will be revealed on social media yeah

so by the way this is a surprise to Aaron so if you're a friend or family of Aaron don't tell him don't tell him okay

a lot of bubble wrap okay oh my lord I mean it's an environmental crime on the bubble wrap alone the bigger crime than having a taxidermy animal okay so the taxidermy animal.

Okay, so the taxidermy animal is now, it's coming out of the box. Do you have to be gentle with it? Is it heavy? How much does it weigh? What's it fill of? It's 54 centimetres high. It's quite big.

What is this? It's not a giant kiwi, is it? Yeah, come pull the box off. It's a moa. It's a moa. It's a moa. Okay, there we go. Oh my god, it's massive. So much. Oh my lord. Scissors? Oh my god, look at all the fur.

Don't cut it, don't cut it. Oh my god, the tail. Oh my god. What the hell have you purchased? I've purchased a fox. Standing. Now you may remember. What the hell have you purchased? I've purchased a fox standing. Now, you may remember. Oh, no, dude, his face is good.

Oh, my God. Oh, it makes me want to cry a little bit. What, because it's dead or because it looks so cute? It's cute and it's dead. I couldn't have that in my house. I feel too bad. Oh, my God. I've got to find out who did it, though, because when our big dogs die, I'm not digging a hole.

That's what's happening to them. Okay. I feel like, in theory, I wanted one of these, but it's actually he's intense. God almighty, it looks straight into your soul. Turn it so it's looking me right in the eye. Producers, what do we think of this little taxidermy fox here? I've got a vegetarian producer.

Yeah, look. Yeah, look, it's not for me. It's very real looking, though. Well, it is real. No, but it looks like at any moment it's going to turn its head to look at Fletch. The question is, what the hell is my cat going to do to this? Oh, like scratch it. Oh, my gosh.

Mind you, it's of the canine family, isn't it? It's just so weird just staring. It's like I'm staring at Vaughn. I don't know about him. Wow, okay. Look, I... He's a beautiful creature. I've got a big...

What kind of fox is that? It doesn't look like you said it. It's a red fox. No, no, no. It's a taxi-dreaming red fox in excellent condition, good colouring and long silky fur. Can you not stroke it? It's a bit weird.

I don't want to touch it. I always see them in people in London and stuff and they're so crafty and... Fantastic Mr Fox is one of my favourite Roald Dahl books. What? His whiskers are a bit bloody skewer. Oh, yeah, the whiskers are manky. Someone booted it. This is bizarre.

Oh, I don't know. Do you want to know how much this cost? No, it was really reasonable. Like, we looked at one in a store in Wellington called Brown and Co. And they were like $2,000. Oh, Jesus. This was like a few hundred. Where are you just going to have that in your house?

Aaron's brother, Matt, just texted me, as will Lover. I know he will, but he's an energy, eh? It's a lot. It's a lot. What is wrong with me? It's going to be A good or bad energy I'm not quite

I think But that's the sort of fox You see in a video game That's got a light on it And then it's like Hello adventurer I've got a wee task for you I'm trapped as a fox

You see And then you've got to do This series of insane Things to Get them back to human form I think if a lot of bad things Start happening in your life It's the fox

It's the fox's fault It's the cursed fox It's the cursed fox Well stay tuned If we fault. It's the cursed fox. It's the cursed fox. Well, stay tuned if we become cursed by this. I almost got this look on his face. I think it was a good idea to stuff me, do you? Well, stuff you, woman.

We'll get a video up later today if you're listening and you want to see what this... I don't know if we should. People will not like it. I just think... I think we stand clear of what we're saying. It's very, very old and

I'm I've done a lot. Can we get it out of the studio now? No. Oh my God, can we do a poll to name him?

Yes. The Fox. Oh, I can't hug it. What does it smell like? Fur and chemicals. Ah, dear. That was Fletch's name in high school. Play.

ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley. I know that you're starting back at the gym today. I am. After three months. Thank you. I'm very excited. Congratulations. Well, there was some drama at the gym the other day

because they're doing renovations. So a little bit of the gym's in a tent. Are you telling me I'm trying to escape my renovation by going to the out gym that's also renovating? No, the women's gym's fine. Oh, good. It's usually. And you can shower there too, which you'll love.

Well, you guys will love that I can shower there as well. Because you can shower. Because I won't smell gross. Which is great news for us, yes. Really good. But there was an evacuation because I think somebody had accidentally cut like a fire alarm cord or something. And so all the alarms, everyone had to evacuate the gym.

But like there were people like in the showers. Oh, yeah. Could you imagine being in the shower at the gym and the alarm goes off and you have to evacuate. You're naked. I mean, obviously you've got to put some clothes on. Yeah. You would.

What did they do? Put some clothes on? Did you see Anna and Chuck something on? Because if you've got wet legs and you've had a chance of drying, you're getting into jeans. Oh, that's horrible. That's hard. That's hard work.

Or do you just kind of take your time and dry down? You probably wouldn't put a sock on. No. Would you? But like raw dogging in your shoes. But this is what I wondered this morning. Because there's also a beauty place in there, eh? I wonder if anyone was like mid-wax.

Oh my God. Half a Brazilian. Imagine you're half a Brazilian in the fight. And this is what I wanted to ask this morning. Like when did evacuation happen at the worst possible time? Like, you think about all the times you've had anything like cosmetic or... Mid-pap. What do you do if you were in a surgery?

What would you do? Well, I guess they would have, like, backup power systems. What, wheel you out hooked up to some kind of... I don't know. Does everybody leave and you're just there on the machine beeping? What if you're open? Like you've got an incision or something. They put a bit of duct tape over it.

Just a quick... With some Febreze. Febreze? Well, yeah, bacterial... I don't know if they... Febreze an open wound. Febreze is anti-odor. Oven fresh.

That's what you want. Mr. Muscle oven cleaner. This is why you're not allowed in the medical, in the operating room. Not anymore. No, no, no. That would be interesting to know what they do do, but. If you're a surgeon, please text us. Yeah, and we want to take calls this morning.

I would love to know, when did an evacuation happen at the worst possible time? Mid-coitus. Maybe you live in an apartment, and yeah, you're mid-something and there was a fire alarm. What if it was mid-stir-fry and now it's turning to a stew? Oh, it's soggy. Oh, no. Stewing. Soggy.

Because they say on the evacuation, like, do not bring food. Just, you know, get out of the place. Put a pot of rice on, you know. Well, you've just got to turn everything off. I think I've had a fire alarm when I was cooking, so I may have just turned it off. Put it to the place. Put a pot of rice on, you know. That's going to be a stodge. You've just got to turn everything off. I think I've had a fire alarm when I was cooking, so I may have just turned it off. Put it to the back. And just put it to the back and just left.

But you're just like, damn it. That's not going to be as good. And because it always takes like half an hour, you know, the fire brigade have to come. Boiling eggs, what are you going to do? Do we still call them the fire brigade? Fire services? The fire service.

Was there problematic with the word Brigade, is there? No, I don't know. You don't normally say that. I just said it and it sounded old. We don't call them the Fire Crusaders anymore. No, we don't do that. We don't do that. That's been cancelled.

We don't say Firemen either. Fire Peoples. The Fire Peoples. Yeah. The Fire Starters, Twisted Fire Starters, I think we call them. So 0800 DARS. Yes, true. 0800 DARS at M. We want to Yes, true. 0800DARLS.

And we want to take your calls now. Text through 9696. When did an evacuation happen at the worst possible time? Taking your calls now, your text messages. When was an evacuation at the worst possible time? There was a gym evacuation the other day, which is fine if you're just doing... What were you doing? I was just weights, brah.

Weights, brah. Did you have the weights out and finish your set? Yeah, I was going to say that. Dumbbells, take them with you. One is halfway through, brah. I will take them with me you doing? I was just weights, brah. Weights, brah. Did you take the weights out and finish your set? Yeah, I was going to say that. Dumbbells, take them with... Why not halfway through, brah? I will take them with me. So I had an incomplete set, brah. Brah, because you've had too much time off.

You've had too much rest time. Yeah. You're not going to get those again. Start the set again. But no, but people are in the showers and stuff. We'd have to like quickly... So this is what we want to know this morning. Deanne, when was the evacuation at the worst possible time?

Well, it was three o'clock in the morning and I was in the hospital after surgery and the fire alarm went off, please evacuate the building. I was on the seventh floor and in a wheelchair so the likelihood of me getting out was nil. Did all the staff just say hey it, it's been so nice knowing you. Good luck with this. We're out. Yeah, yeah. They closed the fire doors and one of them came in to check on me and said, why aren't you panicking?

And I said, look, if it's then, just top up my morphine. She'll be right. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Take off the limiter. Clickety, clickety, clickety, clickety. Oh, brilliant. I'm guessing it was a false alarm clickety. Oh, brilliant. Wow. I'm guessing it was a false alarm, though. No, this is the ghost of...

Oh, dear. One of the nurses was cooking toast and she burned it. There you go. We had all the appliances out and everything. It was really exciting. It's got to be toast. It's always toast. It's always toast.

Some messages and so many texts. The worst time you've been evacuated. I went to the first Lord of the Rings and the fire alarm went off three quarters of the way through it. Chris, can they just start a movie? I need to, by the time I went back in, I'd be like, you need to rewind it a couple of minutes. Yes, I am. Drop me back in. We're all a little bit distracted there.

We need to build up to the scene. We had one at 3.45pm and got to go home early. Fantastic. Oh, yeah, that's good. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, once you're.45pm and got to go home early. Fantastic. Oh yeah, that's good. Yeah. I mean, once you're out that door and it's after lunchtime. Yeah, what do we do?

I'm all frazzled now. We'll keep your texts coming in. We'll get to more of those next. ZM, we're taking your calls this morning asking when was the evacuation at the worst possible moment? The worst time.

Justine, what happened? Hey guys, how you doing? Good, thank you.? Good, thank you. Really good, thank you. Awesome. So a few years ago, I had just given birth in the birthing centre in Murrensville. Oh, Kia ora. How in the place?

Yes, yes, indeed. And we had a fire alarm, but it wasn't so bad for me because I'd already done my deed. But there was a poor lady in there in very active labour who had to pretty much get her butt off the bed and walk outside. No! And stand around outside in the cold, in the winter, and pretty much stand there labouring while the fire brigade arrived and very quickly did their inspections and were able to shuffle her back inside pretty quickly.

Oh, thank God. But I think she delivered about 15 minutes later. Oh! Probably from all the working was good for her. Yeah, possibly, possibly. She wasn't very happy, but, yeah. Was it just a false alarm? It was, thankfully.

Toast. Toast. I think it might have been another nurse cooking toast. Nurses and toast. Nurses and toast. Nurses and toast. It's always the nurses and toast. Thanks, you called Justine. Anonymous, when did the fire alarm go off at the worst time?

Hello, guys. I called not that long ago, actually. Don't get a ding. Were you anonymous? Were you also anonymous then, or were you brave and shared your name then? No, I... Shall I share my name now? I'm Niamh.

Hello. Hello, Niamh. Hello, Neve. You could have remained anonymous. You wanted to be anonymous. How's mum? And Neve-amous. She's good. So, we at school, we have a few levels, and because of the school, fire drills

happen, like, quite a lot. Now, nobody got told that there was going to be a drill. I don't know if there was a drill, but people were in the middle of doing assessments, getting their hair bleached, getting their hair cut, getting facials done, getting waxed. No, no, no. And everyone stood outside in the street.

Keep in mind, we're on Queen Street. So keep in mind, there were people there with wax up their legs, bleached in their hair, standing outside a vape shop and a coffee shop. Oh, my gosh. Customers inside were staring at us. There's always a vape shop. Everywhere there's a vape shop. Yeah, Queen Street, every 15 minutes.

And, like, people were staring at us while there are three firebrands outside. I'm over here, like, my bag's upstairs from my computer. I've come to do an assessment. No, you're not allowed to grab a bag. That's the plane. What does it happen with the bleach in the hair? If you were out there for longer than you expected, you'd snap off. You'd have to go to, like, McDonald's, maybe, and be like,

can we have some water? Show sponsor. Show sponsor. There's a McDonald's 15 minutes down the street. Oh, no, you'd have to. Wander in. A cup of water, yeah. And be like, also, can you rip this wax off?

Niamh, thanks for sharing. A couple of messages to finish up. I've been in the ICU when a fire alarm went off at a hospital. Areas where they can't evacuate, people go into lockdown and the area is secured with fire doors and such. Oh, that makes sense. Okay. So they're literally

just like, bye, we'll be back soon. Yeah, we'll promise it's all sealed off but then if you like seal something and put it in the oven

it's just a... But if you're... So yours is called a crock pot. Your stomach's open or whatever in surgery and the fire alarm goes off. They all leave,

they seal the door. Do they just put a tea towel over you? Well, no, I mean, they must stay. I think they stay in there. Like warm muffins. One of those fly nets, you know,

that you put over the table at Christmas Day so you can keep nibbling. Yeah. My dad was having a prostate exam when the fire alarm went off. Oh, happy men's health week.

Yeah. And a reminder to go and get one. Somebody said my mum was giving a wax in the middle of the wax when the second Christchurch earthquake hit back in 2011. Oh, yeah.

Yeah, someone left with half their pubes that day. You wouldn't bother going back. You'd be like, oh, just leave. Just shave off. We'll go shave. In three weeks, we will be taking some annual leave. Yes. We do it annually?

Annual, yep. You've got to use it annually or not always. Some people, that adds up, hey? That's nice. I know you speak to those people and they're like, oh, yeah, I've got like 804 days off. I've got three years off. I've got three years left.

But some people have so much. Do you ever take a holiday? I would always go for scattering it through a year than accumulating it. You've got to have something to look for, even if you don't go away anywhere. It's just nice to have a break. Sleep-ins.

Sleep-ins. Yeah, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum. Well, we're lucky enough. My dad's always dreamed of taking his grandchildren. No, not his children. He had no interest in taking his children. I love that. Didn't even really want to take us to Australia

the time he took us. How do I know? He told us when we were arguing. I don't want to bring you. This is why we don't take you anywhere and this is why I didn't want to take you kids on holiday. Now, he probably said that in the heat of the moment, as fathers often do,

but here I am 30 years later and I can still remember it as clear as a bell being said to us in the rental car on the way to Dreamworld. Do you need a tissue? I also remember that drive to Dreamworld, I held my eyes open for a really long time without blinking and I thought to myself, maybe I'll never need to blink again. Why did you do that?

And then I blinked just to see if I could, because we weren't allowed to talk. Okay, right. We were instructed we weren't allowed to talk. Okay, right. We were instructed we weren't allowed to talk. So he's always on tickets, kids, to Disneyland. His grandkids. His grandkids. Yeah.

That's so nice. It just so happens that those grandchildren are our children, so I think children come by proxy. Yeah. He'd do it without us if he could. And so he said in 1990, whatever. It must be a good Fonterra dairy payout. Yeah.

No, I think it was selling a large plot of generational family land. Oh, okay, great. That's allowed it. And so they were already over there. Mum and dad were already in. They were in Chicago. And they are loving Chicago. Mum did that by accident. The photo.

Because I liked it. I saw a story on Facebook. I was like, it's very unlike Christine to post a story. Christine doesn't like putting up photos of when they go away

on holiday because she sees other people do it and she thinks sometimes it comes across a little bit braggy. Yeah, yeah. Stay humble.

Yeah, stay humble. So it was your mum and dad with their bikes. Yes, and Chicago. With the Chicago City Cape behind it was your mum and dad with their bikes. Yes, in Chicago. With the Chicago City Cape. Skate behind it. Chicago is a beautiful city. It looks amazing.

I've seen it a lot. It's lovely. Mum's like, I'm surprised how clean it is. It's a very, very clean city. I mean, they're in the touristy areas. It gets a bit stabby and shooty. Oh, yes. Is it South Chicago that gets a bit shooty?

Everywhere's got a stabby, shooty area. Yeah. It gets a little bit drive-by. So they're loving that. But they are making their way down Route 66. We're going to make them in LA. Cool. And we're going to Disneyland, of course.

Of course. I'm very excited about that. And we're going to Universal Studios and stuff as well. Oh, Minions. They've got Minions. You should do Knott's Brew Farm when you're there, but leave the kids behind. That's for adults. Yeah. That's what somebody said. It's full noise. They've got Minions. You should do Knott's Brew Farm when you're there, but leave the kids behind. That's for adults. Yeah. That's what somebody said.

It's full noise. Full noise rides and stuff. Six Flags is good too. That's another good one. So then I was like, well, what are we going to do all these other times and like places to eat? And you and I talked about AI. Using AI for like holiday planning.

I was just telling some friends yesterday who were going to Tokyo. I was like, you should use AI. They're like, what? I'm like, yeah, look at this. And I was like, give me a two-day itinerary for city. And it just goes, spits it out. Yeah, and then you could be like, oh, maybe I'd like to work in a sports event. And then we'll redo it with one of those in there.

Or, oh, we don't like walking. And so it'll be like, okay, I'll get rid of that. Catch this train. Or you could be in, give me an outdoor adventurous two-day itinerary for the city. So you do all the, yeah. Yeah. Hiking and stuff. So I was like, so I did it and it gave me this like list of things to do.

And I was like, oh, it's got to be appropriate for like children under 10. And then it redid it. And I was like, oh, that's quite cool. And then I copied it, pasted it, sent it to our family chat about the trip. And I said, someone told me AI does a really good itinerary. Did you not credit me? Chucked it in. You didn't get a credit.

You did nothing. Did you not tag me in to your family chat? Didn't tag you in the family chat. Sorry. Unbelievable. I'm actually surprised you're not in the family chat. Fletch said that AI does a good itinerary. Yeah.

And so this is all in text form. And I send it through. And mum replies saying, who is Al? Like Alistair. Yeah, yeah. Like it's an Alistair or an Al. An Alan.

Who is Al? And we've done all these things. Tell Al. Ring your mate Al. Tell Al next time you're talking to him that we've done a lot of that stuff. Alan, we don't want this. Yeah. I'm like, I'll be sure Al tell Al next time you're talking to him that we've done a lot of that stuff Alan we don't want this

yeah I'm like I'll be sure to tell Al I said no mum like AI and she's like oh no no no no no no

don't put my name in that don't put my name in that she's heard enough she's heard enough of that AI to be like don't

I don't want it knowing my name right I don't it better not be it sounds like she'd be angry want it knowing my name. Right. I don't, it better not be. Yeah, it sounds like she'd be angry if you put her name in it, if you told her.

And then she accidentally put a picture up of her in Chicago. She meant to send it to us, but she accidentally put it on her Facebook story. Yeah. And I was like, oh, I replied and she's like, where has this gone?

She needs to be careful uploading her camera roll Like that I know Yeah That puts a fear of God in me Even you just saying it So Travel plans now wiped

Scrappy Back to the Looking in the Jason's gone The Lonely Planet Trip advisor We're going old school We'll arrange it by Most stars

Closest to us But then you could go back to AI And say Exclude these places We've done that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. As long as her name isn't mentioned. She'll be fine.

And absolutely no identifying features of the family. All right, keep listening. Your chance to win one of two $1,000 Jetstar vouchers. Listen out for that activator. But next on the show... We're going to talk about the chat-up lines to avoid if you want to have a date. Play.

ZM's Fletchvorn and a date. Massive study out of Indiana, a university in Indiana, was looking at dating apps and how we're using them and how successful they are and what people are looking for. One of the findings, men, heterosexual men, prefer tall women. Oh, okay. Now, I'm considering getting back on the scene. Are you, just because of that? Well, I'm considering getting back on the scene. Are you? Just because of that?

Well, I would just say it feels like a waste. How tall is tall? Well, I don't know. What would you say is tall? I'm 5'10 and 3 quarters. I say 5'11. You round up. I say 5'10 if it's an acting job.

Well, men have been rounding up for millennia, so I think you're allowed to round up. Yeah, not with height, though. Oh, my God. Did you see? Yeah, men always round up to 6. Mr. Beast did a video. Have you seen that one? Mr. Beast did a video. Have you seen that one?

Mr. Beast did a video. He went into like a Walmart and was like, hey, what's your height? And they'd be like, oh, I'm six foot. And he was like, cool, I'll give you $10,000 if you let me measure you if that's correct. So many of them didn't get the money because you'd see them be like, oh, like 5'10", 5'10", 5'11". Did they have to pop off their shoes? Yeah, shoes off, hair not included.

So many people got caught and missed out on $10,000 for lying about being taller. And so many people were just rounding up an inch or so. Yeah, like 5'10", 5'11", as being like, I'm a six foot man.

Yeah. Anyway, this is beside the fact. I'm talking about, they looked at conversations and how they started. It's nice that you can come to work and it's like being at home because I just got told

a Mr. Beast story that I didn't care about. Okay. Dad, I saw this video on YouTube. Tell us what's a weird family that has far too many children

is up to on YouTube too. For some reason on the set of Can We Back Off when I wasn't watching basketball in my off time I just got into this like Mr Beast loophole

because I've never really watched a lot of his videos. It's high quality stuff. He spent some money on that stuff. It's unreal. He's a very interesting dude. Anyway, this study also looked into conversation starters and which ones were more likely to go further.

This is like the first message you send on a dating app to someone. First message. They've already matched. Yep. Likey, likey. Oh, like the look of that. Oh, like the look of that.

It's a match or whatever. I've never used to taking it up in my life. It's a match or whatever. I've never used to tell you that. It's a match. Yes, I'm a match. And then, yeah, the first message and how that then led to what happened next. Right. Basically, and this may shock you. This was all heterosexual, by the way.

So apologies to our non-heterosexual listeners. Of which there are 14 at the moment. Just looking at my computer screen. 14. Are we live tracking our homosexual listeners? Yeah. We've got 14 days.

That doesn't feel good. That doesn't feel right. What's that technology going to be used for? They've all got chips in them. Who chipped them? They chipped them. When they come out,

they have to get a chip put in. They get a chip put in. For stats, yeah. Do you know what's strange? Oh my. They go on the yellow pages. Oh. Rainbow pages.

Of our 14 homosexual listeners, 13 lesbians in the yellow pages. Oh. Rainbow pages. 14 homosexual listeners. 13 lesbians. Not a lot of male homosexuals listening. That's disappointing. What do I need to do? I don't know. Get it out. No, that topless calendar.

We've been talking about that topless calendar for a long time. Actually, if the three of us did a topless calendar, it would really cater to a big crowd. You know, we're really ticking a lot of boxes. Yeah. Would we each be on? The colour range isn't huge. The colour range is very limited.

We could do it in summer when we tan because we tan pretty well. Because me and Fletch tan up quite well. I just get freaky. Would we each be on the month or do we alternate? Like, would you be January, then I'm February, then Hayley's March. And then we're all in April. Oh, because it's Easter. That's going to be an awkward day.

That's going to be a fun shirt. April, May, back to you. June, back to me. It's very cold in here. July, Hayley, August, all of us. July. Yeah, July works for me. We should all be in December as well. We will be. By my calculations. September, October, November, and then third will be.

That works for me. Okay, great. Sorted October, November and then third will be. Sorted. Stay tuned for our fundraiser. For charity. Anyway, so basically shocking revelations from this study. Starting a conversation with a sexually explicit message. Biggest turn off for women. Biggest turn off for women. And for men?

And for men. Okay, yeah, right. Looking for people looking for longterm relationships, of course. If someone included a greeting, we're not asking much. If someone included in their first message a greeting and a question with a question mark, they were more likely to get a positive response and then the relationship was more likely to go forward. Who would have thought a question and a greeting?

A staggering statistic. How are you? Staggering. A greeting and also a question. You're right, we're not asking much, are we? Yeah, rather than anything sexually explicit. Want to see this? Not a good example of a greeting.

Hey there, Kia ora. How are you today? Success. It's that easy. Listen to me. This will work. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley. Fact of the day, day children aren't born with the bacteria that causes decay. We give it to them.

But we're all just children. Lollies, because they're lollies. No, we give it to them. It's in our mouth. Why are they in my mouth? The bacteria that causes decay. No, the kids. The kids.

Well, no, it's from like sharing. This is gross because when I was reading this, I was like, I can see how you might be feeding them and then like lick the spoon or whatever. Oh, like in kisses and stuff. Baby, apple food is yummy. Is it? Oh my God, it is yummy. Is it? Oh my God, it is yummy.

Is it? Oh, baby. Not the yucky, the vegetable stuff can get in the bin. The fruit stuff, yeah, good stuff. Okay, okay.

The apple sauce on ice cream? Come on now. Wow. Come on now. I'm just not a big apple girl. Okay. Well, there's other options. There's like berry ones.

There's other sweet ones. Yum. But anyway, you would like, you know, shed the utensil, lick the spoon or whatever and then keep on feeding. This one was an unusual though. Parents should be aware that bacteria can cause dental

decay, can be transmitted from adult to child by parents sucking on a dummy's pacifier to clean it. Ew, who's doing that? Never have I ever. Have you? Our girls didn't really have pacifiers. No. They weren't interested in them. Did you ever have to do the thing where you suck on the kid's nose

to get the snot out? It's the only way. It's the best way. Yeah. Did you not know about this? Because you can get, like, devices and stuff. They're no good. What about the vacuum cleaner?

But, like, babies can't blow their noses, so typically a parent will literally cover it up. No, no, no, no. Did it go in your mouth? Yeah, it's like siphoning gas. Even if you get your mouth out of the way, you're getting a mouthful of the petrol air. It's gross. I think you would do it if it was

your child. Yeah, the kid's struggling. Would you? I don't know. You're just like, I know, I can get this sorted. Done. But for some reason, looking at the pacifiers will gross it to me. Because you don't know where that is, because especially when they're like toddling around and they're dipping it in things and putting it back in their mouth.

Rolling on the floor. All of that sort of stuff. So they're saying, yeah, as soon as babies have teeth, you need to be brushing them. Yeah, okay. I guess because I've been talking about teeth a little bit because I've been going to the dentist for the first time in a long time and the hygienist

and stuff. I've started getting targeted ads for, so there's this toothpaste, a purple toothpaste that negates the yellow of your teeth. I smile. Does it work? I got it for Bake Off because I didn't have time to go get my teeth whitened and I was like, I keep seeing this on Instagram.

Yes. Wait, it does what? So it says, now this is, I was very skeptical. It's like blonde shampoo, same theory. Yeah, the purple negates the yellow.

Colour theory. They cancel each other out. Right. So your brush, I don't know, it doesn't last. I'll bring some in. I'll bring it in.

Because I was, I got served this ad and I was like, hmm, to the comment section. Yeah. Where I'm going to get not this guy I don't know it doesn't last I'll bring some in I'll bring it in because I was I got served this ad and I was like hmm to the comment section yeah where I'm gonna get not this guy

who I don't even know if he's a dentist yeah and his teeth were also a little bit yellow were they racist who the comments

no surprisingly not yeah no no no no matter what no matter what ethnicity no matter what transphobic yeah

always always no the comments it was like people were like no I, I bought this. It cost me $40 or whatever for a tube of toothpaste. Doesn't work. Didn't work.

I bought it because I was like, last minute need a little freshen up for my smile, my TV smile. It does negate. I feel like it made my teeth look a bit grey, and then it only lasts like a few hours. Right. Do you know what I mean? That's what they said. If you negate the yellow

on top of the teeth, as you get older, your teeth get grey. Yeah. And so you can take out the yellow, but for older people, it shows grey.

Now all the people in the ad that were like, look how great this looked, they were these little 20-somethings with a little wispy mustache. They're also going to blow out soon,

so whatever. Yeah, have fun. Enjoy it. going to blow out soon, so whatever. Yeah, have fun. Enjoy it. Enjoy your life. Yeah, so then the comment section was like, it's a no-go. But then that's what I thought also. If it's just colour negating, it would fade off real quick. Yeah, it does.

So you do it right before having a photo taken. Whereas teeth whitening actually bleaches your teeth. Did you try a white paper bag, like all over your head? It's very white. Yeah, that is white. Next season. Yeah. Next season I'll do it.

Poke some holes in for the eyes. Yeah, yeah. You know how you get glue on nails? Yeah. Can I get glue on tooth fronts? They're just called veneers, I think, Vaughn. No, because that's a whole tooth. They slip over there, ground it down,

and they stick a whole tooth in. I just want a bit of wallpaper. Like those lollies. We could just get a sheet of paper. Fold it up, laminate it so it doesn't get soggy. Stick it on. Stick it on. Absolutely perfect.

Or just get PK gum. Yep. And you drink like this. People will be like, you're very white, very large, big teeth. Long teeth. Thank you. That was the funniest joke as a kid, eh? What's up, doc?

So today's fact of the day is that babies aren't born with the bacteria that causes tooth decay. We as adults give it to them. Fact of the day, day, day, day, day. A naughty, naughty man is trying to get parole. And this happened a while ago, but the story re-emerged because he said that his crime spree was on his bucket list. Right. It was bucket list. It was like steal a police car and stuff.

Like it was naughty. Oh, they actually did it. Because, you know, there was like the grandma who wanted to get arrested. Yeah, so they hooked her up for her birthday. Yeah. Yeah, no, this guy actually did it. He's a naughty, naughty man. who wanted to get arrested and then to her grandchildren. So they hooked her up for her birthday. Yeah. Yeah, no, this guy actually did it. He's a naughty, naughty man.

But he said it was on his bucket list. Weird defence in court. To do a crime spree. Yeah, rather than saying I'm really sorry, I looked back what an idiot I was. I'm ready to be let out into the community now. I'm ready to prove you know, prove to society I'm an improved person all the while with like a devilish look

on your face because you know that they're just, they're lying to you. But no, you said I was on my bucket list and everyone's like, oh God,

you're not getting out, are you? So got us thinking about unusual things on your bucket list. We're just talking about it. Yeah. Do you have anything?

I mean, it's hard because I think of a bucket list as like're just talking about it. Yeah. Do you have anything? I mean, it's hard because I think of a bucket list as like a before I die, whereas I sort of plan to do all the things I haven't done and want to do. You know, like a lot of it's travel things, like places I haven't been.

Maybe like, I always wanted to do the Appalachian Trail thing in America. Did you really? I did. Do you? Did you really? I did. I feel your more. Do you know how hard that is?

Dude, I followed a YouTuber who did it and she abandoned it and she was like a fitness person. I was like, I feel your more of that.

What's that sangria walk in Spain? Yeah, Aaron wanted to do the Pilgrimage. Catalina. Catalina. What's it called?

Catalina. No. What is it called? Spanish Pil. No. What is it called? Spanish Pilgrimage. Aaron was going to go, but our friends got bed bugs. They did it. Yeah. Camino.

El Camino. El Camino. Yeah, see, I want to do that. Our friends did the El Camino, and you stay at these places, and they got the worst bed bugs, and they had to chuck out all their clothes and boots and get sent new stuff. It wasn't like that.

Yuck. See, that's more you because it's wine every day. Okay, I'll do the Alcamin and not the Appalachian Trail. Jump out of a plane is probably the only one they haven't done that springs to mind. Well, this is what we want to ask now, is do you have something weird on your bucket list? Do you guys?

No, because I always think if you set it up as something you always really want to do but then you never get the chance to do it. Yeah. It's sad. It's sad. Face tattoo. Yeah.

My face tattoo. Not on the list. Just on the last day though. Write devastate across my face. That's a good gag. Any last words, grandad? Where's my goddamn face tattoo? Devastate.

I'd probably do like a big, like a live at the Apollo or something like that. You know, like a career. Rate yourself. Wait, like you would perform or you would just go to the Apollo? No, be in a lineup at like the Apollo or something. Wow.

I'm not saying you couldn't do it, but I'm just saying. She's sold out in New Plymouth. I'm not saying you couldn't do it, but I'm just saying. She's sold out in New Plymouth. I'm sorry. Carwen and Shannon are the only two people in this team that actually came and saw my stand-up comedy, and they both absolutely rate it. Could I be live at the Apollo Girls? You absolutely could.

Thank you. God, it's nice to work with women. I'm just saying if you set your goal too high, failure's more likely to happen. Fine, I'll do the devastate tattoo and that's my only lofty goal in life. That's funny, but that also might take a long time. You could pass, like if you know that she's got a day to go and they start devastating you. Oh, no, she died when I was only up to the V.

I thought you were going to say they start the devastate tattoo, miraculously I survived. And you've got a full face tattoo. That's even better. That's even better. So if you're listening, do you have something on your bucket list? Maybe it's a little bit unusual or it's an unusual goal, but it's out there.

It's on the list. Tell us. Maybe you want to be arrested as well. We want to know what's on your bucket list. Maybe the unusual items on your bucket list. There are some crazy text messages. Yeah, y'all are wild out there. What are you up to?

Some of them are insane. I want so badly to kayak with wild orcas. Because orcas, they don't tend to kill humans in the wild. Although lately they've flipped a couple of boats. You're not allowed to go too close to them, are you though? No, they have to come to you. Yeah. Yeah.

You're not allowed to go to them. That would be amazing. Yeah. Anytime I've seen an orca, I've cried. I've never seen one in person. I've seen one in the Auckland Harbour. Well, you'll get to see one soon because you've booked in to go to SeaWorld. I have not.

Everybody, Vaughan's going to SeaWorld. I have not. I am not. I am not going to SeaWorld. Tell him. He's booked a double pass. I listened to a big podcast about that. Vaughan's going to Sea World I am not I am not going to Sea World He's booked a double A double pass I listened to a big podcast

About the It starts with the story Of Free Willy And how that sort of Kick started the Because what was it Docco Blackfish

Blackfish That was incredible Yeah I haven't watched that Because I think it would be too sad Have you watched The Cove No because I think It would be too sad Oh The Cove

I sobbed I don't know I had to give up dolphin. I don't like the sea. Yeah, I know. You loved your dolphin sushi. Tuesday sushi. Oh, my God.

Sob. Sushi of the day. I can't watch. It's simply sushi of the day. It's a Wednesday. Don't drag them into it. They're a client. It pays a lot of money to do this company.

No, of course. Of course we love them. Blackfish, The Cove, and My Octopus Teacher. I can't watch any of them. I'm not a huge fan of the sea. The sea scares me more than anything. I'd rather go to space than go too deep in the ocean.

My Octopus Teacher is... But I can't watch the sad ones. Pretty incredible. That guy's loony. Loony. All three of those I've wept, but The Cove I was like... Blubbering.

Where to sing on my bucket list is to go swimming with pigs in Bora Bora. Swimming with pigs? I think they've got the wrong animal. No, I'm swimming with the pigs. That was in the Caribbean. That was in, yeah, in the...

Well, not all of us have made a money, mate. Some of us might have to stay a little closer to home. And go to Bora Bora. Do they have pigs in Bora Bora too? They've done the same thing. They've seen what's happened over there. They put pigs there on purpose? Yeah, and they put pigs there and feed them.

Well, they decided to devastate a local ecosystem by chucking pigs in the mix. I don't know how far pigs can swim. Why are pigs in the ocean? They can swim in the ocean. I had no idea. Bora Bora pigs. Yeah.

Where is Bora Bora pig beach? Pig beach is located on Big Major Cay as a beach on an uninhabited island in Exuma. Oh, no, that's in the Bahamas. Yeah, but now they do have one in Thailand. And I think maybe in Thailand they've started like a pig beach as well. I've swum with elephants in Thailand. The Thailand pigs are just going to be monkeys with bloody masks on.

You can't trick me, Tony. Same, same, different. Yeah, it's the same. Close enough. We're talking about your bucket list. This is fun. It's nice to think of fun things to do. Also, you cannot swim with the pigs in Bora Bora.

No, we've learned it's not a thing. It is in the Bahamas and Thailand. But somehow the internet thinks it's Bora Bora. Because when I Googled it, a lot of people said, where in Bora Bora do I go? And someone's like, I've done extensive research, and I've been, and there is no beach in Bora Bora. But Thailand have a pig beach where you can swim with the pigs.

Just watch your wallets. You know, those pigs have been trained. Very smart. Oh, they can sniff out food. Yeah. You just showed me a video. I can't believe them. Like in the open water they're swimming.

They're just in the beautiful ocean water. Swimming. Incredible. Swimming and having the time of their life. It's bucket list stuff. Bucket list. My bucket list, my entire bucket list consists of owning a corgi. Yes.

Owning a beagle. Yes. And going to Disneyland. Do it. Yeah. You've got to put those in a doggery, though, when you go to Disneyland. When you go to Disneyland, yeah. A doggery.

Is that what you call them? A kennel. A kennel, that's right, yeah. But it's a cattery. Cattery and a kennel. Why is it a cattery but not a doggery? I don't know. Because where do you put a cat?

Answer me that. Because where do you put a cat? In a cage. In a cage. And they can't call it a cagery because that doesn't sound very good, does it? Cagery. To put your cat in the cagery. We're going away for a week. We're going to book our cat into the cagery. I like to. Whereas you say the kennels. Yeah. I like to book my cat into the menagerie.

Yes. The cat menagerie. Oh, because then if there's bigger cats, lions, etc, they may eat your cat. Ohie. Oh, because then if there's bigger cats, lions, et cetera, they may eat your cat. Oh, dear. Some of the bucket list is to make love on a pile of $1 million. Okay. Let's be realistic about this, people.

If I ever had $1 million, I would never want to have it in cash. No, and also it would be dirty. Yeah. Oh, yeah. And it's going to be a lot dirtier afterwards. You put a sheet down. It could be under the mattress, flat packed. Oh, yeah. And it's going to be a lot dirtier afterwards. You put a sheet down. It could be under the mattress.

Flat packed. Oh, no. What if you had a credit card loaded with a million dollars and you put that under the mattress? Your FPOS. Yeah. Your FPOS card.

You make love on your FPOS card. Yeah. Always wanted to fly a fighter jet. I learned to fly a fighter jet. $4,000 for a half hour

to do that, apparently. I'd love to go on a fighter jet. That'd be fly it. I had to pay $4,000 for a half hour to do that, apparently. I'd love to go on a fighter jet. That'd be cool. No, thank you. Some places do it, like old fighter jets. You can just get a... Yeah, there's videos of people passing out because it's too fast. Is there one in Tauranga?

Yes, there is. That one there. There was a guy in Timaru selling one. Remember he was selling a MiG? Oh, yeah. A little while ago. Just fly it home. Can you buy it if you don't have a licence?

Can you own it? Yeah, I think so. Do you have to ask for permission? Sometimes you have to ask for permission from governments. Yeah, that's what I was thinking. To fly old warplanes. Or to just even buy them. Right.

I'm not exactly sure. That sounds like something you would want to look into, though, if it was on your bucket list. Don't just buy it on Trade Me. My bucket list, I want to do a cattle stock run across Australia. A what? A cattle stock run. So you move a whole lot of cattle from one place to another.

It's wild, it's outback, it's horses, it's camping under the stars. Oh. That sounds horrible. There's snakes. Yeah, everywhere, but that adds to the excitement. Right. Out there. And your RMs.

Yeah. Nice pair up. And don't turn up In shiny new RMs You've got to have Warning RMs Or you are going to be Absolutely mocked Relentlessly

Bucket list is to win Big on Lotto That's just a wish for money Isn't it? Because it's something That you can't unfortunately Work towards No

Unless you're just Buying a ticket It's a big jackpot At the moment though Is it? Yeah it's gone up It's 20 million Yeah I'll get a It's 20 million Yeah

I'll get a ticket Yeah 20 million on Wednesday Well if one of us Isn't here on Thursday That's what's happened Or just gastro again Or yeah Headache

Hangover Or a myriad of things It could be Great work guys 10 out of 10 If I say so myself I'll do a 9.6 Is that enough for you To review this podcast with a high rating

and then tell all your friends? You sound very insincere.