ZM's Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley - Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley's Big Pod - 12th October 2023

Episode Date: October 11, 2023

Nut Shortage  Baby Names for 2050  Silly Little Poll!  Hayley Showering at the Theatre  Girl Math!  Fact of the Day Day Day Day Daaaaay!See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

The ZM Podcast Network. The Fletchforn and Hayley Big Pod. Treat yourself to McCafe coffee with my Macca's rewards. Good morning, welcome to the show, Fletchforn and Hayley. It's two minutes past six. G'day Brim Brins. Sweet! I thought it was Friday until the security guard said happy Thursday.

I thought it was Wednesday until he said happy Thursday. We have this lovely security guard who every day reminds us what day it is. He's happy about all the days. He does love all the days equally. Amen. And it appears that both of you were equally surprised

by what day it is today. I was positive because I was about to be like, nah, well, Wednesday. It's Thursday. It was giving me fat Friday energy on the way. Oh, hon.

No, you've got another day. You still got your sty? Every day, sty day in my eyeball. It's looking a bit redder. It's got worse. Yeah, and your eyelid's kind of like got a fold in it. Yeah, it does. Under your eye.

Yeah. Stop poking it. I was going to get cosmetic surgery to get this done anyway because I want people to think I've got Asian heritage. Yeah, of course. Yeah, well, fit in with your kids. A lot of people will take it out. Yeah. Do you know that's the most common

cosmetic procedure in the world because so many people from Asia get the fold taken out of the eye. The hooded eyelid. Really? Crazy, yeah. Titties just behind. Titties just behind. Titties are close second. I was actually googling yesterday a breast lift just for a friend.

Just having a look. Oh, just for a friend. Just like for future proofing, just for friends. It's quite a major surgery. I'll give them a bloody lift, mate. More than happy to help. How do you propose to do that? Just hands.

Upsy-doodle. Well, there you go. I can't hold this forever. Happy to hang out here all day. Just a little bit of consensual ribbing between friends. Yes, yes you go. I can't hold this forever. I've been hanging out here all day. Just a little bit of consensual ribbing between friends. Yes, yes, yes. Absolutely. The top six is on the way.

You probably just jot it down in the HR notebook. We haven't even jotted it down in the notebook for a while. Shoot, we haven't. No, we haven't been right to the top. There you go, straight upstairs. Have we? No, straight upstairs to HR. Capturing a lot on these cameras though recently.

Gotcha. Gotcha. Gotcha. Gotcha. Gotcha. The top six is on the way. A wild story. I'm going to read,

because I read the first paragraph and I was like, that's all I need. But it is a very intense story that was like straight to the top of the Herald last night. I know. I read the whole story and I'm still confused as to.

It feels like it needs diagrams. Yeah. There was a threesome with a married couple. And there was a kid. There was kids. Who, by the way, is now an adult. Is like a teenager now. Correct.

So this happened a long time ago. Correct. Shoot. And the man who was in the threesome is like, I don't want that kid. Which, when you read the threesome, fair enough. I don't think he knew it was part of the deal. Wait, were there two women, one man? No.

Two men, one woman. One woman. Were they different appearing enough that you would know who the dad was? Well, yes, because one of them in the threesome had a vasectomy. Oh, okay. Well, that's enough. That's enough. It's a wild story.

We'll get into it. Yeah. Holy. But the top six is going to deal with the story. The top six other times you're just allowed to say, I don't want that kid. I mean, you're a parent. You can say these things.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. You can say it. Absolutely. Why I want mine, I want both of them. Next on the show, though, we've got a nut problem. I don't have a problem with them. Don't ignore them. Peanuts.

Hazelnuts. Hazelnuts. Oh, no. Nut lovers. bad news next. Play. ZM's Fletch Vaughan and Hayley. Peanut butter and hazelnut treats could be more expensive

and hard to come by by the end of the year thanks to drought and insect problems overseas. It's just, I've had enough. You know? This is the new world. When will you know? This is the new world. When will it stop? This is the new world that we live

in. Droughts and... I love peanut butter. I love nuts. I know. Peanut butter the best. Yeah. Do adults still do Nutella? Unless it's on like a crepe at a market. Oh yeah, yeah. With a bit of banana. Yeah, yum. I don't buy Nutella but if I've ever been at someone's house or like been around it

I've been like, hell yeah. Slap it on. Just a cheeky little, I know. It's so much sugar though, isn't it? Turkey produces, are we saying Turkia now? I thought we were saying Turkia. Turkia. Well, they've asked us to say Turkia and it's their name. Someone needs to tell staff

otherwise they'll be cancelled. Turkia produces 70% of the world's hazelnuts, and they've been battling drought and damage to crops by insects since May. Because I saw another news article on a website overseas, Ferrero Rocher. That's hazelnut, right? Yeah.

Correct it is. Yeah, they were saying, like, if you're a hazel Ferrero Christmas person, maybe buy now. Ferrero Rocher. Ferrero buy now. Ferrero Rocher. Ferrero Rocher. Ferrero Rocher. In the posh little container. It's nearly Christmas too.

I mean, if there was ever a time to buy Ferrero Rocher. Ferrero Rocher. It's for Christmas. Do you think there might be a bit more pressure put on Lindetables? It could be Lindetables. But they don't have a nutty inside, do they? They've got a praline-y, creamy.

There's one that's a praline, yeah. And that's the other. What is praline? I think praline may be indeed made from hazelnuts, almonds. So Whittaker's have reassured its popular peanut slabs and hazella, because hazella, oh, my God. Yeah, you're trash. That's right.

You love that. No, I think that's one of my top. That's right. You've got the taste buds of a seven-year-old. Yeah. The top. A seven-year-old white girl hairdresser. Just jelly crystals.

He's a big jelly crystals guy. Yeah, yeah. He loves his sugar. Yeah. But they've said that their peanut slabs and hazelnut blocks would still be available. They're working closely with suppliers on an ongoing basis. Okay. A lot of the peanut butter maker, because, you know, New Zealand, we are absolutely spoiled

with the best peanut butter. Oh, absolutely, we are, yes. Like, PICS kind of kicked it all off, right? Yeah, totally. And now there's Fix and Fog, there's Nut Brothers, there's all kinds. They've all kind of said that they're working. I always thought Nut Brothers was where you'd sleep

with the same person, but that's a different time. We can probably cover that in the top six, actually. Let's move on. The Argentinian peanut crop has been experiencing reduced yields in production. So that's affecting things as well. Fix and Fonk picks Nut Brothers and 40 Thieves use peanuts from there. Where does Argentina's got to? Whenever something's been grown Or you know

It's always like Oh I had Argentina They seem to have Such a vast Yeah Good soil Good soil Must be great soil

But they just seem to have Such a vast production Hot people too On their hands Good soil Just good all round And hot people Yeah

Hell of a rugby team Only decent rugby team In South America Yeah Yeah you're right That's unusual isn't it They're all, you know, right next to each other.

High inflation, though. They're screwed at the moment, though. Are they? Yeah. Gosh. Are you offering to re-homes some Argentinians? No, I'm just saying.

God, yeah. His door just flung open. Did you hear it? Yeah. 12 past six. Buenos dias from Buenos Aires. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley. So at the MTV Music Awards, Video Music Awards, Buenos dias from Buenos Aires. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley.

So at the MTV Music Awards, Video Music Awards, 13 years ago, Lady Gaga turned up in one of the most controversial outfits of all time. It was the meat dress. That was 2010. Yeah, so that was a dress made of legitimate scraps of meat sewn together onto her body. Were they? I'm not a meat expert.

It was mostly snitchel, wasn't it? Skirt. No, it was too thick to be schnit. Oh, right. Beef skirt. Beef skirt. Schnit's just thinly cut. Yeah, skirt's kind of like.

Argentinian, by the way. Argentinian skirt. I am not surprised. Also, great meat. Great meat. Great meat. One of the best meat in the world. Hell of a barbecue system.

The Asado cross up against the fire. Yeah, beautiful. Great barbecuers. Great beer. It's got it all. Stunning. Argentina. So the guy.

Great wine. Oh, great wine. Phenomenal red wine. Great reds. Yeah. Known for their reds. Is it the Malbec? The Malbec?

Is that the Argentinian red wine special? Oh, we have the Malbec. I think I might be in a lot. Malbec is not a drink you'd have tons of, though. No, no, no. But you'd have it with dinner. You'd have it with meat. You'd have it with an Argentinian skirt steak straight from Lady Gaga's top.

What are Argentinian gout levels like? I don't know. You've got a bit of gout in there, beautiful Argentines. Well, anyway, there was an Argentinian designer that made this. Frank Fernandes. Oh, my God. I can't believe I couldn't say Fernandes right. I was like Ferdinand.

You need a couple of weeks on Duolingo. Frank Fernandes. He made the dress from Argentinian beef skirt. My kids are obsessed with Duolingo. What are they learning? Which one? Which kids? No.

Which language are they learning? Spanish. Voila. I was like, some friend of theirs got a Duolingo thing and you could do three more devices or whatever. So Indy got in on this thing and now she's like, do you want to do Spanish? I'm like, yeah, why not?

That's good. That's good. That's great. Is this a high school they're going to go to? Does it teach Spanish? That's in Spain. It's a high school they go to. It's in Spain.

Getting rid of them. Yeah, great. Actually, we might just go to Argentina. Yeah, go to Argentina. It's a great country. Yeah, yeah. Great country. So this dress, like afterwards, everyone was like,

you know, that's going in the bin. Like it's been out. She's been wearing it for hours. This is 13 years ago. 13 years ago. But no, he actually preserved it using a drying process that was first perfected by Native Americans. So essentially the dress, which was taken off of her in bits

because it was sewn onto her. He then took it to like a place and got a mannequin and re-sewed it back onto the mannequin and then implemented this drying process. Yum. And essentially now it's jerky. A jerky dress. And it will be preserved forever more. It's Jack Lynx.

Jack Lynx. Jack Lynx natural jerky. So it's been naturally aged using this process. He said he kept it had to be in a fridge while he was putting the steak onto the mannequin. He had to work in the fridge to sew it back on the way that it was sewed onto her body. And now it can just last forever more.

Is it in a museum? Is it in a hard rock casino? Yeah, I think it moves around like all sorts Of different music places It's like Green Day's guitar Yeah Yeah yeah yeah Did they actually use Any of this stuff

These musicians Yeah and Jimi Hendrix's Pick And a drumstick From Aerosmith 1984 tour Yeah And then you go and eat

Their overpriced burgers And food And you're like This is not worth it Yeah Yeah Well he says that There will never be

Another dress like it So it was really important to preserve. He said, I'm not going to make any other meat dresses. It was a one-off. Yeah, it's not in a museum or anything. No, no, it's not. You can't go and visit it. It just sort of is being preserved.

And I guess they'll probably put it somewhere once the whole drying thing's finished. Because you'd think that would be like a perfect exhibit somewhere. I could be honest. You'd think that would be in the bin. Malbec is the Argentinian wine region is best known for its Malbec fantastic

it also grows Cabernet Sauvignon which I think you could probably put straight in the bin Cab Sav that's good for only a pasta dish

or a slow cooker and Chardonnay they do a Chardonnay what do they do that's their wine of choice room temperature chard buttery or oaky you'll drink it get out of here the top six is next Chardonnay. What do they? They do that. So that's their wine of choice. Lovely. No, no, room temperature chard. Buttery. Oh, okay.

You'll drink it. Yuck. Get out of here. The top six is next. The top six times you're just allowed to disown your children. Now, it's a wild story that on a second read, I've completely changed. It's completely changed who impregnated what,

when, and how. Jeepers. This story will blow your mind. And it happened right here in New Zealand. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley from the bustling ZM think tank. This is the Top Six. Now the actual Top Six is going to be pretty quick,

but there's a bit of a story I've got to tell to get you there. Fantastic. Now this is a little bit hard to follow, so I'm going to do that thing where I apply the people in the story to people in the room. Okay? Okay. Okay, so Hayley, you and Fletch are married.

Oh, my God, finally. Oh, God. You and Fletch are married. Okay. Fletch has had a vasectomy. All right. He doesn't want children. I don't want children either.

You've adopted. You've adopted some kids. Why did we do that? You've got some adopted kids. Oh, my God. You've got some adopted kids. Oh, my God. You've got some adopted kids. Then I joined the party. We're going to have a threesome, guys.

I hope you're both ready for this. Oh, wow. Do I have to watch? Well, that's apparently all you do. Oh, wait. Okay, wow. No. Now, according to you.

Yep. That's what you do. Okay. Now, according to Hayley, this threesome was for the purpose of having children. Okay. You. This was purely a sexual thing. Right.

Because he's all tied up. Me. I'm just there for fun. Wait, you, okay. Are you aware that I'm wanting to be pregnant? Unknown. Okay. I'm not, again, I'm not speaking.

Right. I'm simply, I'm present. Right. Now, after a series of these threesomes, where again, I will quote, you, Fletch, said you barely participated in the threesomes and just watched. Hayley assured you that she and I were safe,

by which you took to me, and there was some sort of birth control. Right. Right, I love that. Now, wait, are you the husband in the couple? No, no, no. You're the husband in the couple.

You're the husband. Right, okay, I'm the husband. I'm the third. You've been tied up. Okay. You're watching. Okay. I'm doing it.

Yeah. Now, Hayley gets pregnant. You cuck. Whoopsie daisy. It's twins. Oh, no. Now, this happened some time ago. Yeah, some time ago.

I do know I've got twins on both sides of my family as well. So if this is happening, brace yourselves. This could very much happen because then they are in your house, according to you, these children. They have your last name, but you never do things like holiday with them or buy them gifts. Sounds like me. Because they're not your kids.

And in the last few years before a 2020 separation, you're living in a different part of the house to the kids. And the wife. He's got his own wing. We're doing well for ourselves. Yeah, we're doing well. That's pretty good. Me, nowhere to be seen.

I'm done. I was just there, wham, bam, thank you, ma'am. Out. Gone. Now you've separated. Right. And you, Fletch, say, these children, genetically not mine,

I want nothing to do with them. I don't want to pay child support and they have no claim to anything I own. Sounds like something I would do. It does sound like something you would do. You've cast this quite well, I will say.

The family court has ruled in your favour, Fletch. Thank you. Good. And the man's like, there's no photos of me with these children. I barely,

they were just around the house. It's a ruthless story. It's an insane story. And photos of me with these children. I barely, they were just around the house. It's a ruthless story. It's an insane story. And it happened in Palmerston North. What did it? Well, it doesn't say where it happened, but Jeremy Wilkinson, the open justice multimedia journalist

for the New Zealand Herald, is based in Palmerston North. He could have travelled. He could have travelled. He could have travelled. He's a multimedia journalist. Yeah. But you'd say North Island somewhere.

Let's assume somewhere central north. Okay. Wild story. Read all about it at New Zealand Herald. And it was quickly the number one story on the Herald last night, wasn't it? We just love learning when someone's had a threesome and it's gone a bit awry. Yeah. Awry to the accord of twins.

Yeah. Feel sorry for the kids most of all, I think. Yeah. It's the person that's kind of been around and not been a great dad. You didn't know about this and I absolutely don't want. Did feel sorry for the kids most of all, I think. Yeah. It's the person that's kind of been around and not been a great dad and all of a sudden they absolutely don't want. Did you know about the kids?

I'm not quoted, I'm not commented, I don't know. Right. But it's your juice. It was my juice. Genetically they are. Genetically yours.

Yeah. They can find me on Ancestry.com. Do the spit test. Yeah. Wow. I've got the top six times you're allowed to say I don't want that child.

Yeah. Number six on the list, if you made it on a plane. Oh, yeah. I don't know those kids. The laws don't apply. We were in no man's land. We were over the Indian Ocean. I love when parents pretend not to see anyone else on a plane when they've got a screaming baby. Yeah.

I don't want that kid. Number five on the list of the top six times you made a baby that you're allowed to say, I don't want that kid. Number five on the list of the top six times you made a baby that you're allowed to say I don't want that baby when you didn't mean to when it was an accident. You're allowed to.

Oh yeah, absolutely. I don't want that. That's not mine. I didn't mean to. I didn't mean to. That. Me. I don't think so.

Number four on the list of the top six times you made a baby that you're allowed to say I don't want that baby when they don't immediately appeal to you in the birthing unit. When you look at it, you're like, hmm.

Don't feel anything. No. But a normal feeling for parents, it does come. But you're allowed to just be like, nah. Whose is that? My mind. Number three on the list of the top six ways you made a baby and you're allowed to be like, I don't want that one.

When you're in a four-way. I mean, if you're in a three-way, it's only going to get more confusing and trite. You're going to need to do some testing, I think. Yeah, you are. Yeah. Number two on the list of the top six times you made a baby that you're allowed to say, I don't want that one,

when they said they were wearing a connoisseur and had a vasectomy, which is kind of the situation in this case. Yeah, totally. Because as many as Fletcher had a vasectomy, as you recall. Yes. And number one on the list of the top six times you made a baby and you're like, I don't want that one,

just when you don't want one. Yeah, that one Just when you don't want one Yes sometimes Just when you don't want one Which is apparently What this guy did Tens of years later It is such a wild story Give it a read Digest it

I'd love to know The inner workings And where is the sperm donor The guy that was there For the fun times We'll make a great Mini series On that On TV Or Netflix It'll be fun Starring Robin Malcolm Yes sperm donor. The guy that was there for the fun times. We'll make a great mini-series. Bounce before the responsibility.

On TV or Netflix. It'll be fun. Starring Robin Malcolm. Yes. As... Oh, it could be, yeah. The midwife. Starring Antonia Preble. Yes. She'd be perfect. She'd be perfect. That is today's Top Socks.

Name Bree is like one of those baby name websites. You can go on, get inspired. You can go on categories and be like, I want something that sounds like classic or I want something that sounds floral. I want something that sounds funky. Yeah, totally. You're not going to a website to get Olivia.

Olivia's just out in the ether, isn't it? Yeah, Olivia's out there, baby. It's one of the number one baby names. Is it still? I think it is, yeah. We're smoking it there a few years back. Yeah, I like Olivia. Olivia's left, right and centre.

Good morning to all of our Olivias. And good morning to our Olivia listeners. If you go by Olivia or Liv or Ia or Olive or... Or Alifior. Or Le. Or good morning, Olivia. Or Eh. Are if you all. Or le. Yeah. Or good morning, Olivia. Or a.

Are we saying good morning to our olive listeners? Olives? We should say good morning to our Antarctic listeners and our incarcerated listeners. Now, those are the ones that we. Saying good morning to our Antarctic listeners is a waste of a good morning. Yeah.

I'm going to give it to them anyway. If any. They have it a fresh batch. They might be listening on the iHeartRadio app. I love following the Antarctica Instagram okay

of all the people at the New Zealand base what a cool hobby yeah cool so this what a cool use of your time yeah awesome yeah

don't you have a wife she's quite hot anyway don't worry about it she's had enough this Nameberry website they've examined thousands of names that were given to

fewer than 25 babies in 2020, meaning they're like coming up, but they're not popular yet. And they've found names that give a futuristic twist to classic names and well-loved themes. And this is how they've kind of predicted names over the last few years. Names like Luna, Luca, Arlo, and Aria, which are very popular now.

I know one of all of those but virtually unheard of 30 years ago. So they've done this, right? So they've predicted girl names for 2050 and boy names for 2050. I'll read some of them. It's still a long way away. It'll be here before you know it, mate.

It's literally 27 years away. Okay, for girl names Cosima Dot, which I love. I had an auntie Dot. Dot's an 27 years away. Yeah. Yeah. Okay, for girl names, Cosima, Dot, which I love. I had an auntie Dot. Dot. Dot's a known, yeah. Cosima, Dot, Iceland.

Iceland. Yep. Louie for a girl. Yeah. Maud, Marvie, Morgana, Pax, we know a Pax, Riviera, Snow, Vega, Wanda, Willoughby,

Zeta, Ellery, Franklin. Now, Ione, which is a very popular name. Now, this is the list of the children who aren't vaccinated against childhood. Yeah. It also sounds like a list of operating systems. It does. Like iOS 18. It does.

Yeah. It does. Luna Rose, Pandora, Pixie, Prairie, Vita, Willoughby and Zoe with an X. Or Xo. Xo. Xo. So those are the girl name predictions for 2050. Some of them I like.

Like I really like Dot. Yeah. I had an auntie Dot. She was Scottish. Aye. Aye. I say it like she's dead. She's still alive.

She's still alive. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, she's still in Scotland. No, no. They lived in New Zealand. Doug and Dot. Doug and Dot. Doug was my dad's best mate growing up,

and then Dot was his wife, so they were my auntie. Oh, fake auntie knuckle. Dougal and Dorothy. Right. Doug and Dot. Oh, bless. Love that.

Okay, the boy name predictions for 2050. We've got Albie Barney Clement. Cyprian? Cyprian? Yeah. C-Y-P-R-I-A-N, Elim, Elshian, Elim, Elim, Elim, Elim, Elim, Elim, Elim, Church, Elshian, Florian, Hale, Helix, Hermes, Isidore, Ivo, Jupiter, Karnor, Merit, Ned. Ned.

Ned's popped up there. Ned's making a comeback. Ned's on the way back, baby. It's hard to get Flanders out of my head. Do you reckon that's still like Ned? Ned Kelly. Ned Kelly. Is that Australian?

Yeah. Do you reckon that's always been a name in Aussie? Do you reckon that's ever died in Aussie? Yeah, probably not, Ned. Well, what's Ned short for in general? Nedrick. Neandertal. Neandertal. Oaks, Oxford, Rasmus.

We love the Rasmus. That's how you name your baby Rasmus if it comes out and the doctor's like smack, smack. It's not breathing. Smack, smack. And then the baby goes ow, ow, ow, ow. Great song. The, it's not breathing. Smack, smack. And then the baby goes, Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh. Great song. The last few for the boys.

Ridger, Rourke, Tennessee, Vision, and Wilbur. Vision. Vision. Vision. Crazy. God. Again, like a real mixed bag. I like Tennessee.

Tennessee's a rad name. There was a news reporter called Tennessee. And every time they signed off at the end of the news story, it sounded like Tennessee Smith. That's your five o'clock news. I'm Tennessee. Tennessee's a rad name. There was a news reporter called Tennessee, and every time they signed off at the end of the news story, it sounded like Tennessee Smith. That's your five o'clock news. I'm Tennessee. I'm Tennessee. Wow.

Well, there you go. If there's some inspiration for you, if you're thinking of having a baby in the near future, call it Ned or call it Maud. Play. ZM's Fletchvorn and Hayley. Fletchvorn and Hayley's silly little pose. Or call it Maud. Silly little pole. Silly little pole. Well, there is a debate online about whether or not women find G-bangers, G-strings, thongs, actually comfortable. Now, I never, ever, ever, ever, ever wore them.

I was like, why would you want something wedged up your crack all day? It's touching the bum hole way too much for undies. Yeah, it is. It's getting in there. Undies shouldn't touch the butthole. But I had a friend who just exclusively wore them. She was like, no, they're number one. So comfortable.

Never like digging in the cheeks. Never kind of like riding up or anything. They're already in there. There's no safety net. There's no safety net. There isn't a safety net. No safety net. If you're sharp.

There isn't a safety net. Yeah, if a nut sneaks out. Yeah. But I will say about eight years ago, seven years ago, I transitioned to wearing G-strings at the gym because they're great under a legging. Right. Reduce the visible panty line.

And so now I'm like, I'm kind of, I don't care about the panty line. They're just more comfortable in there. Oh. Rather than digging around and moving with you. Is it rub up in there though if you're at the gym? If you get a soft one, like if you get a thickie. Yeah. What about when you're lunging? You're doing lunges. Yeah, I know. It's sort of just, it rub up in there though? No, you don't. If you get a soft one, like if you get a thickie, you feel lice and stuff. What about when you're lunging? You're doing lunges.

Yeah, I know. It's already in there. It's not going to go further in. Yeah, right. What if you had a breach of the pant? Yeah, well, you know. It's all out there. This is true. Yeah, I know. Well, the poll results, we asked a silly little poll.

Do you find G-strings or the G-banger comfortable? This is sort of an interesting split, isn't it? 64% said no way. 36% said yes. Okay. Do you find G-bangers slash thongs comfortable? Do you think it would be less people finding it? I thought less people because I feel like their intention

was to be like a sexy undie which are famously never comfy. But then the gym G came in and it's really changed my perspective.

Well Holly agrees. I absolutely hated them before I started wearing them to the gym. I have a relatively fat dumper. Me too. So I find they don't

indent my peach. Yeah, beautiful. You don't want lines digging into that beautiful, romptious, pumptious. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like a boy, what are those boy, those were the sexiest undies, those boy cut undies.

Yeah, the cheeky that go like, a la la. A half, you're getting half a cheek. Get the peach. Yeah. Yeah, I've got those. No, I don't. I'd love to see you in a little cheeky undie. Broder said, I only wear thongs.

Comfy and I don't have any awful panty line that makes me feel like a grandma. Oh, yeah. Julie says, when I was young and skinny, I definitely would say yes, they were comfy. The tinier, the better. But now I'm old and not skinny. Somehow they just don't sit comfortably anymore. Maybe you need to get out there and find one. The Jim G, is that made of a different material?

Is that like a sporty? No lace, no like cotton. It's like a real like sporty. Oh, that would be way better. Toggy almost fabric. And like thin as hell. Right. Erin says, I gave up undies in 2019 and I haven't looked back.

Oh, no, I can't. Wait, that should be another silly little poll another day. Do you just commando? Yeah. There's no safety net. There's no safety net, especially for women. Yeah. Zero safety net.

Look at all sorts going on there. Everyone's going to see your safety net. Hannah says, my dumper would eat it up in two seconds flat, never be seen again. That's a no thank you. Yum, yum, yum. Yeah. Hungry dumper. Emma, you. I'm going to come. Yeah. That was not for everybody.

Emma, honestly, it's going to get stuck up there anyway, so it might as well be as little fabric as possible. Yeah, exactly. They don't ride or edge because it's already up there.

Would you wear the jimjing out if you were going out? Every now and then. Yeah, right. Okay. Amelia, who has a blue tick. What? What?

Amelia has a blue tick. When? Amelia has a blue tick. Wait, is she famous or something? I don't know. Is this Amelia Earhart? It is actually. Yeah, it is because she said when I was flying across the Atlantic. A shot putter. She's a shot putter. The Atlantic Ocean in the 1930s. Pacific Ocean.

Wait, is this the one they can't find but she's got a blue tick? Yeah, she's got a blue tick. What is going on? Amelia can't find, but she's got a blue tick? She's got a blue tick. What is going on? No, Amelia is, yeah, from the, I have a closer look at the profile picture. She looks to be an athlete. Oh, okay. She's a shot putter. Some are awful, but no show material ones I completely forget I'm wearing

and no panty line, which I just hate the look of. Now, she's an athlete. She would be in a skin tight compression short. Melissa, no blue tick. Oh, quite at the side. Just an everyday Melissa's message. Utter nobody. Okay, wait, Melissa's about to put us back.

The only thing I can wear is G-strings. Fully arsed underwear is for people with no arses and they cut into your butt cheeks if you've got some serious arse back there. G-strings forever. Peace sign. Yeah, peace sign. Peace of love.

She won us back, didn't she? And Dan says, no, I don't wear it, but as Vaughn knows, a jockstrap is hella comfy. I don't think people know that you wear jockstraps on a daily basis. I'm merely jockstraps. Because you like the ass accessible.

And breathing. But the men back cradled. Yeah, cradled. the men were cradled. Yeah, comfortably cradled. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Enough said. Enough said. Now, we were just

talking off the air as well about how you should wash your jeans and how often. And, Vaughn, you mentioned Sade washes her jeans too much. Yeah, yeah, almost every time. Almost like every time she wears them. If she goes like full day, she'll chuck them in there. She's got like maybe four or five pairs of jeans. I've got two pairs, one blue and one black.

And when the blue one gets dirty, which it does because it's a light blue, I wear the black one until the blue one's clean again. Yeah. And then the black one just gets chucked on the floor for a bit and then sniffed and then that's fine and then hung up. But how many times did you wash even the blue jeans that get stained a couple

of weeks? Or if I get them dirty because I do a dumb thing like I get home and I immediately go out into a muddy paddock and they get covered in mud, I'm like, oh, that needs to be washed. I'll just do a spot clean unless there's something major.

Otherwise, I just don't. Yeah, you're not really supposed to. I mean, when I worked in fashion, we used to sell really expensive jeans. You'd always say like, please don't wash them. Please don't put them in the dryer.

Like, wash them when they get real dirty or they start to smell, which I know feels gross. But it just ruins the denim. Like, it just absolutely ruins them. And denim's supposed to last a long time. Well, the Levi's CEO, his name is

Chip Burr. Chip Burr? Chip Burr. Oh, Chip Burr. Burr. Two words. Chip Burr. He has in the past said he doesn't wash his jeans. He spot cleans them. He gives them a little spritz and a refresher and stuff. Maybe gives the crotch a bit of a bloody Febreze. But that's it.

Yuck. No. If your crotch needs Febreze, then give it a whole wash. Give it a hot wash. Not a hot wash, a whole wash. A whole wash. I would never encourage a hot wash on jeans. No.

Unless you want to feel freaking sad about yourself. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Unless you get a little baggy, then hot wash them. That's the other reason I don't watch jeans as much. Because as soon as you- Because you get them back on, you're like, fire out! Is it me or the jeans? He's saying to people, wear your jeans in the shower

when they're in dire need of being washed. Or better yet, just a spot clean will do. But he says like, rather than... In the shower? Yeah, because the production of denim produces so much wasted water. Like, it is unreal. And I think it's kind of rich, actually, coming from the bloody Levi.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Levi CEO being like, here's how you can help save the planet. We're making jeans. We've made a real mess of it. I didn't know how much they have to wash denim. Yeah. When they make jeans.

Because it's so hard, right? So hard. And there's literally some big machines where they put it on with rocks, and the rocks pound it. Stone wash, that's what a stone wash is. Yeah, soften it up. So denim pollution, it's got its own category,

separate to fast fashion or anything. Denim pollution. Scientists report that microfibers flow from washing machines into rivers, lakes, and oceans around the world, plus the amount of water that is used to actually create jeans. That's why you shouldn't wash them them because you need them to last. You can't be buying new genes every bloody year. Yeah.

So I remember that I got told this. When I was working in retail, we were told freeze your genes and it helps kill the bacteria that makes them smelly if they're dirty. So you just fold them up, put them in there and then air them out. And then if you drop something on your spot of sauce or whatever, just try and spot clean it. Or as my friend Callum, who you know and you met Hayley, when we were flatting together, if his jeans were a little bit dirty,

he would get them wet sometimes in the shower, and then he'd roll them up so the zip was in the middle and he'd microwave them. So then at least... Sorry? So then at least they were still wet, but they'd be warm. He straight up used to do it. I was like, oh, these are never going to dry in time.

He's like, have you microwaved them? I was like, you're going to have to run this by me. He's got a child now. Yeah, I know. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm personally looking forward to being there for Hugh's first microwaving jeans lesson. Yeah. Well, here's your.

All right, son, it's time to learn how to microwave your pants in a steaming hot when you put them on wet. Oh, gosh. Play ZM's Fletch Vodden Ailey. Play ZM's... Well, we spoke the other day about the cat from Levin that ended up somehow in Hamilton? Yes. Or Auckland? Hamilton went from Levin to Te Aroha to Auckland

and then back to Levin. And then they found out the microchip belonged in Levin. Yeah. And this owner was reunited with her cat three years later. Well, this comes to my attention after the story. The SPCA have a download downloadable or I'm assuming a printout poster that you can take um with stray cat paper collars okay now the idea is that you uh cut out this collar from the flyer and you write uh your telephone number on it so the idea

is that uh if you have a cat that's visiting you that you think is stray, hanging around the neighbourhood, you put this collar on it, so that when it goes home... It's sort of a badsy. So when it goes back to someone's home, if it's your cat,

then you can call the person and be like, no, this isn't a stray, it's our cat. Yeah. But then if it keeps hanging around, then you can call the SPCA. I appreciate the thought behind this There is absolutely no way That my cat is keeping a paper collar

On his neck For a second He'll just go like And then get it off I wonder if you'd just use a proper collar And write on that Or like Somehow leave a note on that What a shame if someone saw your cat And was like that or like somehow leave a note on that.

What's a shame, eh, if someone saw your cat and was like, that's got to be a strain. Yeah, and then it comes home and you're like, ouch. Ouch. This is a British shorthair. Yeah, this is my well-loved fancy cat. Yeah. How dare you.

Yeah. It's just like a bagsies. You don't want this on, have you? God bless you, child. What are you doing? Just call me. Yeah, I did. Just came from nowhere.

Be a broadcasting professional. I think it's because we're talking about cats. Suck it in. And I'm allergic, of course. You're not allergic to cats. Nah, I'm not. You've got a myriad of cats. Guys, I'm just quirky like that.

You're just so quirky like that sometimes. Sometimes I make up allergies. You're quirky like that. You're making up allergies to get attention. Yeah, I make up allergies for attention. Such a middle child thing to do. Do you know I'm allergic to power cables? Achoo!

I'm actually just quirky like that. What are you allergic to, Fletch? I'm allergic to going on trademe.com. I guess I'm just quirky like that. Dot com. Oh, shut up. At least if we're going to make up quirky allergies, you've got to be factually correct.

Don't pull apart. You've got to. Don't pull apart my faux allergy. Yeah. I'm not allergic to travey.co.nz. I'm on it right now. I'm allergic to travey.com. It's its own website.

Oh, right. Okay. I'm quirky like that, Vaughn. I'll take you somewhere else. You are quirky like that. I'm allergic to anyone from Trade Me coming around to pack up anything from my house. Oh, yeah.

You're quirky like that. If you're wondering why I've been feeling and looking so fresh and so wonderful, and if you wondered, you know, when you've come over to show me a funny video on Instagram or something crude on the Snapchats and you're wondering why I smell so good, it's because I've been having a shower every single day. Wow. And we didn't even notice.

Pause for applause. I forget that you don't shower every day. Do you know we're nearly at the nine-month mark? Of no bathroom. Yeah, of no shower. Of not having a shower. No, I'm kidding. No, of like literally not having physically a shower in the house.

And that resulted in us showering as and when we could. By the way, the renovations, you're nearly there. Like for the shower. I don't want to jinx it, but surely. For the shower, yes. Surely like the shower. Yeah, the tilers are there. The tilers are there.

They're doing a bloody good job. Because I've chosen apparently the most difficult tiles both wall and floor. Little finger tiny tiles. Little finger tiles and little mosaic floor tiles. They love that. Yeah. Tilers notoriously love those. That's their favourite tiling job. Yeah, they were definitely like, oh god there's some beautiful, big, nice

slate tiles we could have a look at. And I was like, nope. I want the little mini ones. Really? You want eight buckets of grout stuck to your wall do you? That's what I want. That's what she wants. Give the lady what she wants. That's what she wants. No, but because I've been doing my show, and I have to say thank you to everyone who's come to the show so far,

I haven't been coming out to say hi. And I know a few people have messaged me on Instagram being like, we're at the show tonight. I would love to meet you afterwards. And I was like, no. Because literally straight after the show, I'm getting in the theatre shower and I'm having a shower every night. I'm shaving.

I'm face washing. I'm hair masking. I'm like the venue tech has to wait to close up the venue for me. Because you're having a full. I'm doing a full. I'm doing the full shower. Cleaned my hair last night.

Did a hair mask. Yeah. Had a little shavy wavy. Just, I'm just feeling fresh. You're a new person. I'm showering every day. It's a revelation to me. It is weird how when you don't do something for a little while,

you forget what it's like. Yeah, it was becoming very normalised in our household to just like go a few days without a shower and be like. Like during lockdowns when people skip showers and washing their teeth? Yeah. Brushing their teeth? Yeah, maybe people stop brushing their teeth. Yeah.

I'm still brushing my teeth and stuff stuff but literally when I get in the lift out of the car in the work building it's the first time I see myself for the day. Sometimes a shock. Sometimes an absolute pleasure to behold me. But yeah, I just wanted to let everyone know. What's the shower pressure at the theatre like?

It's not a great shower. It's been a number of years since it was installed but it's like enough. It's not a great shower. It's been a number of years since it was installed. But it's like enough. It's just a box shower. It's private. Removable. The hand thing. It comes off. And does it have different settings? This setting it's on is fine. This setting it's on is fine.

It's fine. And shout out to the venue tech for just waiting that little bit longer. So the hair mask. Because you've got to put the hair mask in and then you've got to wait five minutes. What does five minutes say and then you wash it out? Yeah.

Is that like a conditioner? Yeah, like a little treatment. Okay. Yeah, so I put that in. You zhuzh up the hair? Yeah. Spend five minutes. Wow.

Okay. And then you come out and I'm nice and clean. Well, welcome to the world of showering every day like the rest of us. Yeah, and if you do come to my shows and you're like,

where is she? I want to see her afterwards. She's showering. She's showering. day like the rest of us. Yeah, and if you do come to my shows and you're like, where is she? I want to see her afterwards. She's showering. She's showering. She's washing. She's just washing herself, as is my privilege to do. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley. So speaking of musicians, Coldplay's in a bloody conundrum

at the moment. They're counter-suing their former manager for $17 million. So this manager. Counter-suing means he's suing them. Yeah, bro. Yeah, bro. So what happened is the former manager, $17 million. So this manager... Counter-suing means he's suing them. Yeah, bro. Yeah, bro. So what happened is the former manager, Dave Holmes, I think he's his manager for like 20 years.

Oh, wow. That's as long as he'd been in band, right? He's been there from the start. He has made some sweet money off Coldplay. Exactly. But apparently they quietly parted ways last year. Right. Now, the reason why is probably due to the fact

that he ended up suing Coldplay and saying that they owed him 10 million pounds, so about $20 million worth of unpaid commission related to their 10th and 11th studio albums. So like a music manager gets a commission from the album. Hell yeah, man. Or he'd do all the deals. He'd do the wheeling and the dealing and then get the little cut.

But because they parted ways, they were like, no. And he was like, yes, you owe me $20 million. And Coldplay was basically like, you want to go there? Let's go there. We don't owe you this money. You actually owe us money. So apparently he had like wasted a whole bunch of money on just like really ridiculous purchases,

including stuff that like he said he was buying for the tour, but it wasn't for the tour. He's kind of taking the piss a little bit. Right. And a whole like millions of dollars. We've all taken the piss a little bit. We've all taken the piss a little bit with the company credit card.

Oh, we all take the piss a little bit. A little bit of taking the piss. He has said that, they've said, well, you actually owe us 10 million pounds because you spent that on these big pylons

we couldn't use, screens that were too big, you didn't take any care in that, plus a whole lot of other stuff. So they're actually counter-suing for a little bit more than he's suing. Basically being like,

go away and we won't see this through. But if you want to see it through, we'll do this. But that's someone like their manager. Since day one, that's like someone very close to you. Yeah, totally. This reminds me of the businessman who was like trying to sue the company he used to work for.

And he was like, oh, you owe me this and damages and this and this. And they were like, okay. And they did a bit of digging and found out he'd been stealing from the company for years. And they were like, well, okay,

well, you owe us this money then. And then went, oh, yeah, we'll just be quiet because I have actually been stealing from you for a while.

I mean, this is a little close. Oh, I probably can't even say. Oh, I see little T's. Oh, good one. Little T's a little close to home, shall we say.

But people close to you taking a bit of a liberty. I wonder if we could get some stories of when someone close to you, because this is a 20-year relationship that is essentially stolen from them and they've had to call it out. When someone close to you stole from you. I stole something from your bathroom. Oh, God, that feels good to say. Wait to you stole from you. I stole something from your bathroom. Oh God, that feels good to say. Wait, you stole from my bathroom? No, I'm kidding. I didn't.

I didn't. Chris Martin could say to that old manager, name one of the other people in the band and we'll call it a little off. And the manager would be like, what? And he's like, well, I'm Chris Martin. Not me. Name one of the other, how many people are in the band? He'd be like, you and five others?

I'm actually just looking at photos of all of them, and I do not recognise a single bit of them. Okay, I was your manager for 20 years. Okay, Coldplay is Chris Martin and that guy, one of the guys in Coldplay. Greg? Looks like you and Ben Barrington from Shortland Street had a baby. Oh, cute baby. I mean, it's just bald in a beard.

It's a bald man with a beard, isn't it? Johnny Buckland. Johnny. And of course, the bassist, Guy Berryman. Yeah, of course. And world champion. Yeah. The drummer.

Of course. Okay, name the other two members of the Foo Fighters. Which ones? Dave Grohl, Taylor Hawkins. Yeah. Pat. Nate. Pat.

Nate. Nate and Pat. Nate and Pat. You did better there. Yeah, there you go. Anyway, let's get some calls in and some messages of when someone close to you stole. It doesn't have to be on a huge scale where you end up suing them, but when you're just like, oh my God.

Well, you always hear about like one of the siblings that rips off their sick mum or dad. Yeah. And then they die. And then the rest of the siblings are like, well, where's mum and dad's money? And they're like, Adios, amigos.

I went to Europe. Yeah, totally. Mum and dad really wanted me to go to Europe. Yeah. I know. This is what they wanted on their deathbed. I was there and my dad said to me, go on Europe. Yeah. I know. This is what they wanted on their deathbed. I was there and my dad said to me, go on a contiki.

I know you're in your 40s now, but go on a contiki. It won't be weird at all. Dad, I think it will be. Yeah. Dad, I need more money. I can't just do a contiki. I'm too old for that now.

Contiki. Yeah, but maybe, maybe a partner, a brother or a sister. Yeah. Your own parents. Or like your stepmother. Yeah. but maybe a partner, a brother or a sister. Yeah, or like your stepmother. Yeah. Maybe stole from your family and you were like, that's my dad.

And you had to punish her. No, Vaughan, that's a documentary. You're talking about a documentary. You had to be like, you're a naughty stepmom. Let's take some calls. 0800 dials at M. You can text through 9696. The messages are coming in already.

Okay, great, great. Let's talk about this. When someone close to you stole. Play ZM's Fletchford and Ailey. Play ZM. So we want to know when someone close to you stole from you. Yeah. Some wild messages coming in.

I know, dodgy. People are dodgy. Let's start with an anonymous caller. Anonymous, good morning. What happened? Morning, guys. How are you going? Good, good. Really good, dodgy. People are dodgy. Let's start with an anonymous caller. Anonymous, good morning. What happened? Morning, guys. How are you going? Good. Really good, thank you. Good. Yeah, so we started up a brand new business and being the good family members we are, we employed the brother-in-law, trained him up and everything he needed to know. When he was all trained up, he started the exact same business in direct competition and stole our customers and clients.

Oh, my God. Oh, my God, no. I'll say it, what a bastard, what a bastard. And so is he now an ex-brother-in-law? You know what? Funny thing is he is absolutely gone. Yeah, good. So was he married to one of your siblings or was he your partner?

Husband. Yeah, husband. Yeah. Husband, sister. God, God, God, God, God, God, God, God, God, God, God. Yeah. Oh, my gosh. Wait, so it's your husband something?

Husband's brother-in-law, but she's married to the husband. Oh, right. Okay, yeah, yeah, yeah. No blood relation to either of them. It'd be like if Aaron's sister's husband screwed us over. Yeah, right. So you can get rid of them. Don't do that, Doug. Screwed us over. Yeah, right, so you can get rid of it.

Don't do that, Doug. Don't do that. Screwed us over. Yeah. Oh, my God. And so were there, like, trade secrets and, like, he would have known everything? Yeah, everything.

Yeah, yeah, we totally, yep. He knew nothing coming into the business and then knew everything, leaving it and took it with him. Did you manage to get your business going again? No, we didn't, out of our choice after a few years, but still, yeah, he's still doing it. Oh, my God, that's so rough. Text us the company privately, and we will never support.

12 minutes away from Aids and Messages Inn, when did somebody close to you steal? My uncle went into business with my mother and took off with all of her deposit for the business. Oh my lord. My husband's cousin stole his identity when he came to New Zealand. What?

My sister-in-law stole $500,000 from her brother's business over at least... What? She was caught doing the box and asked for a draft extension at the bank and they had a new bank manager who looked at the account and says, oh yep, and then she eventually got caught and prosecuted. Oh my

Lord. Jeepers. Keep your stories coming in. Juicy. Juicy? That's juicy. I didn't ask juicy. Well, I've always said it. Never trust anyone ever. Ever. Full stop. Ever, I've always said it. Never trust anyone ever. Full stop, ever. That's your life motto.

I was playing a video game yesterday, and one of the characters was like, you know what I've always said? Never trust anybody ever. And I was like, oh, my God, I've made Fletcher into a video game character. So yours is never trust anyone ever. Yours is don't try and you won't be disappointed.

Is that right? The first step to failure is trying. We actually should do a TED Talk. Yeah, the two of you. We should do a joint TED Talk. I think it would be very, it would be realistic for people. The anti-life coach.

The anti-life coach. Inspiring stuff. We're talking about when someone close to you has ripped you off. Coldplay's manager has been countersued because he says, Coldplay, you owe me money. And Coldplay, all of Coldplay,

we know all of their names. we know all of their names. We know all of their names. Chris. Joff. Joff. Green. Richie. Common.

Bright. So they haven't accused him of stealing. They've said that there was just bad management of the money. Yeah, totally. But it's got us on to this. My ex-partner took credit cards out of my name when we were together. I didn't know about it until a year afterwards. Split night,partner took credit cards out of my name when we were together. I didn't know about until a year afterwards. Split night, the debt collectors turned up saying I owed them $16,000.

$16,000. That's my worst nightmare. Man, the banks will lend people a lot of money, eh? Yeah, they will. My mum had an accountant that stole tens of thousands of dollars from her over eight years, created fake invoices, et cetera, and was paying herself. What? And then also charging mum. It was pretty unreal.

My work colleague was stealing for about three to four years a substantial amount of money who was always a very close friend of us, found this out and had to report it and nobody would listen to me or believe me and that was the most heartbreaking part of it. It was because they

chose to believe them the thief over me even though I had the proof. My mother-in-law stole $20,000 from her nan while she was meant to be doing grocery shopping for her. She wasted it all on gambling. That's a sad, there's a few ones of those people you know, who were with horrendous addictions.

Yeah. My husband didn't find out until I came into the picture and his cousins warned me about her at a family do. They hid it from my husband because they didn't want him to be angry at his mum for doing it. Oh, yeah. My auntie stole the koha box from my grandad's tangi. She said he would have wanted her to have it when she got poor.

No. No. No, no, no, no, no. There's always one auntie though, eh? That's a bit bloody off. Did you say that there was a story about how expensive funerals are and how many people are putting themselves into like personal debts?

Oh my God. Chuck me in a hole, man. Chuck me straight. Sing a little bit of Focatti, am I? That's the only thing I want. Put me at the bottom of the recycling bin. You're not recyclable. You're not recyclable, Juan.

Put cans up, John. No, you're going in the green bin. Somebody else's problem. No, he's in the green bin. But then it's somebody else's problem. No, he's in the red bin. Green's recycling. No, yellow lid's recycling. Red's landfill. Also, those trucks

are a symmetry if not just a human landfill. Yeah, those trucks pick it up with the robotic arm. They won't even see you go in. Totally. But the green bin too,

you could hot compost me, I wouldn't be mad. Hot compost me at Nadia Lim's farm. Oh, yeah, Nadia Lim told us about her hot compost. Some worms on you, you'd be compost me, I wouldn't be mad. Hot compost me at Nadia Lim's farm. Oh, yes, she has a hot compost. Nadia Lim told us about her hot compost. She's sprinkled some worms on you. Oh my god, and we can go to Queenstown. Oh my god, yes. Yes, yes, yes.

Vaughan would have wanted it. And we'll think about our friend and we'll take his credit card and be like Vaughan would have wanted us to have these dumplings. Yeah, yeah, exactly. I do actually want you to have dumplings. Thank you. Thank you. I lent my dad $20,000 to help him buy a house. He paid off all his debt, didn't buy a house at all, and then told the rest of the family he felt bad for me

because I'll never get that money back. What? Sorry, I don't mean to laugh. I don't know. My auntie and I... I'm sorry, but you could have seen it. It sounds like you could have seen that coming. Yeah.

But it's your dad, I think. How many movies and TV shows and real life stories have you heard about dads getting one more chance and always blowing it? Yeah. My aunt and uncle stole my car, wrecked it, left it in another town. I had to go pick it up when I got there. I was like, well, that's not going anywhere, so I just had to sell it to some local wreckers. Again, you can't trust anybody.

Ever. Ever. Stop. Ever. Old flatmate moved out on his own terms. No bad blood. He was always a little bit dodgy, so we weren't mad about him leaving, but when we got home, he'd taken our computers, TV, and random stuff like my

engagement ring. We rang the police, obviously. Yeah. But insurance wouldn't pay out because he had a key and entry to the house, so technically we weren't robbed. Yeah. That's wild. We still stole from you. My partner's now ex-wife of 25 years, stole $600,000 over a 12

month period. Sorry? $600,000 over a 12-month period. Sorry? $600,000. Wait, how did they not notice that? Don't know. Trip fade. Maybe they were in charge of the books, you know? If someone's in charge of the books, they can get away with it for a while.

Yes, they can. We thought my granddad had been buried in his wedding band when he died 20-odd years ago until our male cousin's wedding day. And what was that being used? What? No. So do you reckon they slipped it off?

That is a family discussion. They slipped it off. The audacity. Also, never bury a family member in jewellery. No. Because if you don't steal it, somebody else will. Yeah, 100%. Don't put it in your will either, like bury me in this.

It's a waste. It's an absolute waste. Melt it down so nobody knows. Have a tooth. Yeah, get a tooth. I can't wait to get a gold tooth. No, don't. Which one are you going to get?

I think they look tacky. Oh, yeah, the back one. The one that is actually broken. They look tacky. I mean, to each their own. I won't be doing it. They look tacky. I'm sorry, they look tacky.

They do look tacky. They do look tacky. I'll say it. I like them. Of course you would say that. You're going to wear some jorts and a Star Wars t-shirt from Walmart and have a gold tooth. Yes!

Where are you putting this focus? Ready to be crowned. Fashion is his passion. It is. Yeah. Play. ZM's Fletch Vaughan and Hayley. Girl math.

Girl math. Girl math. Girl math. Girl Math. Girl Math. Shake your titties. It's time for Girl Math. We would have had a little titty shake then. It felt good. It felt loose. You've got to warm it up for the math. I felt a bit too much shake in my titties, to be honest. It was that cream cheese scone I had yesterday. Yeah. I know.

Shake it, shake it. God, there was a lot of cream cheese in that scone. Welcome back to Girl Math. Now, the update we have for you on our last episode of Girl Math, where we Girl Math these boots. Oh, my God. Great boots. That we have been harping on to Fletch to buy because they look so good on you.

Like six months? Yeah, ages. So, you know what? I finally, at the weekend, I messaged Georgia and I said, I did it. You've done it. I did it online. Yeah. And because I went into the store and they were like,

we don't have them here. you have to do it online. It's like, click, click, click, buy. And then just last night, I showed you the email this morning. They emailed saying, we don't have any of these boots anymore. We don't have any of those boots. Yeah. Australia, New Zealand, out. Totally out.

Totally out. So he's been refunded, which is bad news, but it's free money now. Because that's money that you're happy to part with and it's back. So we've actually just made Fletch go get us some coffees. I was just bullied into buying coffee because I apparently have free money. Free money! Because this is how Girl Math works. I'm looking up, you could save yourself some money.

I'm looking if anybody's got any secondhand one on Facebook. You do that and we're going to go to our Girl Math today. Briar, Kia ora, Briar. Hi. Welcome to Girl Math. Thank you. Now, you are considering making this purchase, or you've already made it?

I'm considering making this purchase. I just want to say, first time caller, I'm not sure. Bell, we just get the bell. Yay! Welcome to the show. Welcome, Briar. Thank you. This is the same purchase you've been considering, Hayley, for years.

Yes, but I feel I'm not worthy of it, and I'll tell you why. Bray, tell us the purchase you want to make. So, I want to purchase a pair of Karen Walker Rapture sunglasses in black. Now, here they are. I'm showing you the glasses. Oh, wow. Okay. Style manifest.

Do you remember when Adele was here, or she was seen wearing Karen Walker's and everyone got excited because it's a New Zealand designer and they're like, Adele wears that. That's pretty cool. Is that what Adele wears? Karen Walker's sunglasses are a staple of the New Zealand fashion scene. I have never owned a single pair, right? Because I always thought, one, why should I own a pair of Karen Walker's sunglasses? I broke Karen Walker's Barbie sunglasses.

I know. In front of her in studio. In front of her. Yeah. You don Karen Walker's Barbie sunglasses. I know. In front of her, in studio. In front of her. Yeah. You don't deserve it is what you're saying. And the whole reason I was like, I can't buy Karen Walker sunglasses is because I was like,

I'll just break them. Are you a bit more sort of good with your belongings, Briar? Yeah, I reckon I'll be really good with these ones because- Because they're $280. Yeah. Okay, wow. I think I'll be really good with these ones because... Because they're $280. Yeah. Okay, wow.

I think I'll treat them really well. Yeah, I feel like Hayley would leave them on a table at a bar. Like I leave my phone and an entire handbag the other day. Yeah. Yeah, I would. I would. And that's why I don't deserve to have them, but Briah does. We're going to bring in our Girl Math girlies, Shannon and Karwin.

Hello. Do you guys own Karen Walker sunglasses? I wish. I wish. I wish. These lofty dreams we have of owning these sunglasses. But these are really good.

Do you guys want to kick things off? Yeah, so look, I'm going to go by my rule of five ways to wear. What are the five ways you can wear this, right? I've made this list for you.

Because people like sunglasses, you wear them in the sun. One way and you wear them one way and that's on your eyes. On the face in the sun. When welding. No wear them one way and that's on your eyes. On the face in the sun. When welding? No. No, they won't be sufficient to save you from welding blindness.

Look, wasn't on my list, but I don't know. But you could make it six. We could add it. Welding, yeah, welding, spot welding. Okay, number one, welding. Number two. Okay, number two, driving. Yes.

We need sun protection when we're driving. Heaven forbid Brian gets sun, you know, you turn around one of those corners, sun strike, and she's causing a crash. Now we're getting a new car. I mean, that's what? Yeah. $20,000 for a nice car. What kind of car are you driving, Briar?

Just a little Mazda Demio. Fully insured? Are we fully insured? I hope so. Okay, well, so she's paying the premium if she crashes, so that's about $400. Number two. Already saved that.

We're coming into summer at the beach. Oh, my God, of course. Number three, to work. It adds a little bit of elevation to your work outfit. Sometimes I wear sunglasses at work. Yeah. Put together. Yeah.

Number four. Well, it's including welding. Yeah. To hide your hangover. Oh, my God, it's a must. We've all been there. Yeah. It's an absolute must.

Which is why Hayley wears her sunglasses to work. Yeah. Yeah. And then my last option it's a must. We've all been there. Yeah. It's an absolute must. Which is why Hayley wears her sunglasses to work. Yeah. Yeah. And then my last option is on a date. You look mysterious. You look chic. You look hot. Yes.

Oh my God, so now you're getting a husband out of this. But what if it's a night? What if this date's at night time? Even more mysterious. Yeah. Exactly. Even more chic. So if you're breaking that down, you've got-

Six to hide your sty. Yes. Oh, you know, that's seven to hide the sty. Seven to hide your sty. Yes, you've got a seven to hide the sty. Seven to hide your sty. So let's just say if those were the only wears we could come up with, including Carwin's five, Fletcher's welding. Are you into welding, Briar? No.

What about a cycle relay race? You'll need sunglasses during that. Cycle relay. So if we break it down by seven costs of wears, hiding the sty included, that's 40 per use, basically. That's not bad, really. How much do these sunglasses cost? I didn't catch the RRP.

280. Pause for... To be honest, where do the kids get into dupes these days? Glassons. Now, Shannon... Can we get a price check on a Glassons pair of dupes? days. Glassons. Now, Shannon, can we get a price check on a Glassons pair of dupes? $29.99. But don't worry, it's not a Karen Walker. No one's going to walk past her and be like, oh my god, have you got the

Glassons glasses? No offence, Glassons. Mine are from Glassons. Shannon. Yeah, I mean, immediately we can also divide that by two. Two eyes, you're protecting two eyes. They get to use all those uses. So you have $20 for all of the things. You've been silly. You're taking the piss.

That's taking the piss. Oh, what, you're going to put a sunglass on one eye, are you? Well, a sunglass is no good for one eye. I'm with you, Shannon. Thank you. Ignore him. He's got no sense. And sunglasses, a pair of sunglasses.

No, no, no. You don't buy a sunglass. A sunglass would be $140. You're taking the mix. Carry on. Well, something really important is the actual benefits of wearing sunglasses.

Now, I've fallen down a big medical hole this morning. But basically, there's a thing called photokeratitis. No one wants that. Do you want photokeratitis, Bri? Absolutely not.

Do you want photokeratitis, Bri? No. You could lose your vision for 48 hours due to overexposure to UV. I've looked. Karen guarantees that these are UV-protected sunglasses. Of course Karen does.

She's got self-respect. Are they polarized? Looking at some of the disadvantages, you could get migraines from UV exposure, headaches. You can get snow blindness if you're in the snow. Now Brian's taking sick days. Sick days, doctor's bills, Panadol, up the wazoo. Oh, my gosh.

Up the wazoo. Up the wazoo. Oh my gosh. Up the wazoo? Up the wazoo. 2024 is our season. No, I don't think you should put Panadol up your wazoo. I did once at university. The fastest way to get into the bloodstream. I would also go like... I can't swallow a pill without water and I was just

in the middle of them all. I was recently following... I... Brian, I was recently following. Brian, I'm so sorry. The immaturity that has just infiltrated this studio right now. Europeans are definitely better with their coating. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. The sugary coating.

Easy to get in. You need that. What you don't want to do is accidentally pop a Disprin. Yeah, no. Oh, fizzing. You'll know all about it. You'll be fizzing at the bunghole. All about it, quite literally. I also thinking. You'll know all about it. You'll be fizzing in the bunghole. All about it,

quite literally. I also think, so you're avoiding all these medical bills and I was also going like, you hear of these horrendous freak accidents, right, Bri,

like what do you do for a living? Actually, just a student. Oh, you can't afford these sunglasses if you're a student. You shut your mouth. You shut your mouth.

Yeah, no, but cost of living, what is it, your living allowance? Yeah, oh, God, that's not real money. Brian, which city are you studying in? Christchurch. Zero sun.

So I'm thinking there's a lot of pollen down there. There's a lot of wind down there. Things are going to be blowing into your eyes. You can get these. I've been reading about the kind of things that can blow into your eyes can actually get so bad that you're going to need a whole eye replacement. And in New Zealand, to get a brand new... What are you talking about, class?

What's getting blown into your eyes? Sand, straw, wind... Asbestos. Asbestos. That's chemicals going straight into her eye. She's getting an ocular implant, and that's $8,000 in New Zealand. And a lot of the time...

I reckon ACC would cover it, though. Well, still, you've still got to pay a little bit if it's ACC. I mean she's saving herself thousands and thousands here and an eyeball and I will say Briar like they've done well with the ocular implants but they never quite look like the original eye. You can always tell. You can always tell

they don't move at the same... Well it doesn't move does it? It's Briar. And you don't want people being like oh my god I was talking to Briar tonight and I didn't know if she was talking to me or the person beside me. Exactly. I mean we're not trying to save Briar money we're trying to save Bri It's Brian. And you don't want people being like oh my god I was talking to Brian and I didn't know she was talking to me or the person beside me. Exactly. I mean we're not trying to save Brian money we're trying to save

Brian's eyeballs. Well do you know what somebody's actually messaged in and I'm surprised the girl Matthew the girly Matthew girlies missed this one.

Protecting your eyes from the sun stops you squinting and when you squint you get lines and then you're prematurely ageing yourself you're getting Botox

and filler that's like 8 to 100 bucks a pop and Brian might get like filler in the sides to fill in her saggy bags from not wearing sunglasses and then it might go wrong

and now she's got a drooping eye and then we've got revert back to having to get an ocular implant you've got saggy bags in the family Bri

or is that a problem genetically a saggy faced family Bri nah not too bad tight tight because they're wearing sunglasses yeah what do we think I think Any face family, Bri? No, not too bad. Tight, tight, beautifully faced woman. Because they're wearing sunglasses.

Yeah, okay, sunglasses. Well, what do we think? I think if she is not to spend $280 measly dollars supporting a New Zealand designer of whom we are very proud of, Karen Walker, in buying these sunglasses, Bri is at risk of losing both of her eyeballs and all of her money.

And so is it basically free? It's not basically free. She's making money and keeping her eyeballs. Bri, you simply must. I simply must. Has that helped at all, Bri? Absolutely. Go purchase.

Buy now, hon. Buy now. Yeah, they're in the cart right now. They're in the cart. Fantastic. Thank you so much, Bri. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley. So Meta had one of its big like future conference things,

like here's where we're heading, here's what we're coming up with. And Mark Zuckerberg launched Meta's plan to basically like get ahead of AI and get on board with it by creating these virtual assistants that are the likeness or an AI kind of character, they're calling them, that are based on a celebrity. And celebrities are actually getting involved. Now, a woman on TikTok kind of summed it up quite well. This is Billie, the AI alter ego of Kendall Jenner, who is your local ride or die managed by Meta.

Kendall Jenner herself spent a few hours in the studio to get a couple million in the bank and now her likeness or as karen marjorie put it an extension of her consciousness will be operated by one of the most profitable companies in the world for two years wait guys we can now chat with them hey i'm billy your older sister and confidant got a problem i've got your back These things genuinely want your time, obviously. Like, they're not useful tools. They're being used as companions to reel you in. So basically, like, some of these celebrities,

including Kendall Jenner and, like, Snoop Dogg, are going in to studios, like, lending their voice to things. And then they have these characters that aren't called Kendall, but they're like, I'm like Kendall. Or I'm like... And it's her voice. And it's her voice. And it's her voice. And likeness.

Yeah. And so you can like chat to them and it's got a photo of them and it's their likeness and they're like, hey, what do you like? But like, so there's a TikTok star

called Charli D'Amelio who's like quite famous. Yeah. And then her character was Coco and then there's all these glitches like people were trying and being like, hey, Coco, And then her character was Coco. And then there's all these glitches. Like people were trying and being like, hey, Coco, teach me a TikTok dance.

And then the AI one's like, I don't do TikTok. And it's like, but that's what you're known for. And then like contradicting all these like brands that they are ambassadors for and whatnot. Like Kendall Jenner's a brand ambassador for this. And I'd ask them about like, what's the best tequila in the world? And she'd say a different tequila that's not her own brand, and everyone was like, gotcha.

But who's going to be using this? Like, would you chat to an AI avatar that's like a celebrity? It's creepy. For me, it feels sad. It's sad and it is creepy because, yeah, that Kendall Jenner one was like, hey, it's Coco, your big sister, or whoever. It's Coco D'Amelio. Coco is D'Amelio.

Charlie D'Amelio. Hey, I'm just like your big sister in Confidant. And you know it's not some, like, 13-year-old being like, hey, I need help with this thing of being teased. It'll be like some creepy old man being like, I'm a little girl too. But you chat with them. This is the thing. It's a bot that you chat with.

And they speak, not type. They can speak to you, but they can type as well. Okay, right. So you can chat or you can message them. It does feel icky. Yeah. It feels icky. Yeah.

But they chat really colloquially. There's an example of this person chatting to the, what's her name? Charlie D'Amelio. Charlie D'Amelio, Coco character. And it's like, hey, it's Coco, the dance queen, ready to help you move better. What style are you feeling right now? And they're like, suggestions to make a viral TikTok?

And she's like, I don't do TikTok. Wrong. But if you want to go viral, you've got to have some serious dance moves. And I'll be willing to go viral in real life too. Know what I mean, wink? And the person was like, nope. Explain yourself.

Sorry, not my style. I like to keep it classy and funky fresh. You feel me? Like it's just full of... Yeah. That's weird. Talking to someone you acknowledge as fake just seems odd to me.

I'd rather talk to my real friends, Fletch and Vaughn about the dance moves and the TikToks we can make together I'm good, I'm good Oh come on, let's get funky Play ZM's Fletch Vaughn and Hayley Play ZM

Fact of the day Day, day, day, day, day, day. Well, that was a shamble, wasn't it? Sometimes I have to breathe halfway through the jingle. That's your long COVID. Oh, it's your long COVID. Do you know the other day I did a whole length of the 25-meter pool holding my breath? I, no.

Ah, no. How? Underwater? Underwater. Underwater breaststroke? Yeah. So you were like a frog. I was like a frog, yeah.

Breaststroke's the only stroke I do. I hate freestyle. It's too messy. Do you know freestyle, you can technically do whatever you want. Breaststroke is really hard. It's not just freestyle, it's just that that is the quickest swimming pace there is. Yeah. Breaststroke, I was better at it at school,

so that's what they do when they get in the pool. Oh, no, butterfly is the real hard one. Butterfly sucks. I can't do it. I don't like doing the backstroke. Backstroke sucks because I get dizzy, my head goes back too far, and then I get... And I'm hitting the plastic lane with your wrist.

You're like, ow! Yeah. Anyway. And then you go toot and it'll whir up your nose. Awful. Good chap. Today's fact of the day, we continue Roller Coaster Week. Good.

Today we're going to do some wham, wham, wham. We're doing the fastest, the longest and the highest. Okay, good. Wow. Fastest roller coaster. We go to Abu Dhabi. Oh! I didn't know they had roller coasters.

Abu Dhabi. They've got everything. Yeah. I'm also surprised they had roller coasters. Abu Dhabi. They've got everything. Yeah. I'm also surprised the only one of these three things is in Abu Dhabi or the United Arab Emirates because they do things like they build extravagantly expensive things just to say that's the something something in the world. Is there an outdoor theme park in Dubai? Because they've got everything for tourists.

Abu Dhabi is just up the road. Yeah, I know. Abu Dhabi, I don't remember there being. I've been there a couple of times. I don't remember there being a massive theme park. Ferrari World? Oh, yeah. I remember the car racing stuff. Has that got a roller coaster? Ferrari World has the Formula

Rosa. It is a roller coaster that was opened in 2010. It is the world's fastest roller coaster where it will reach a maximum speed of 240 kilometres an hour. Is it one of those ones? Is it one of the... Fastest? Yes, you reach...

Oh, no, sorry. Is it an electromagnet where they... Is that the one, like, you know, the Superman ride on the Gold Coast where it goes from zero to a bajillion? And it just goes... And you're super fast. I love those.

So it is the track is 2.195 kilometres long. Yeah. And you'll get around it in one and a half minutes. So you're honking. Yeah.

And you reach 4.8 G. Jeez. 4.8 G's at the takeoff of the Formula. Here's a bloody Formula Rossa POV world's fastest coaster, hurtling.

Oh, wow. That's an incredible video. Oh, wow. That looks so much fun. I encourage you, not while you're driving, but to YouTube Formula Rossa POV. Far out, you're hurtling. The longest roller coasters to ride around the world

is the Steel Dragon 2000, which held the title. It's in Japan. Geopan. Geopan. Geopan. Geopan. It's at the Nagashima Spa Land Resort Amusement Park.

That's a mouthful. Cut it right back down. That sounds nicely. You can have a roller coaster and then a hop on. And a spa. Oh, my God. You hop into a lovely little spa. It can have a roller coaster and then a hop on. And a spa. Oh, my God, you hop into a lovely little spa. It's the longest roller coaster in the world.

It is four kilometres long. Whoa. And will take you a long time to get around it because it's not, like, super fast. Yep. But it's very up, down, round. Like, old school roller coaster, big up at the start. The rest of it's kind of woodley doodley.

Woodley doodley. You heard it here first. It's woodley doodley. That's the term. The highest roller coaster in the world. Is that one in America? Yes, the Kingda Ka. What is the one they built and they had to shut down or redo?

Was that a hydra slide? You know, people kept dying on it. Yes, the one that was, you went too vertical and people were like hitting the, where it started to slope and they were hitting it too hard.

Yeah. No, I don't, I'm not familiar with the situation. Ah, and it shoots straight up, it goes 90 degrees up.

Is that the one you showed a video of yesterday? I showed you the picture of the king of the car. Yeah, I've been on a version of that. There's one at Knott's Prairie Farm called the Accelerator. Same thing. It

pulls you back and then shoots you fast forward and you go up almost 90. Maybe. And then down. This just takes off. You hit 5G in it, so even the G's are more than the... Yeah, right. But it's because you go straight up. From the ground level

you go up 139 metres straight up. Yeah. And then at the top, you turn over, and then as it comes down, it twists and twists and throws you down. Almost like a rollercoaster that goes up the Tower of Terror and then goes down. Down the other side. Like if you're familiar with Dreamworld.

I would think it would be higher than the Tower of Terror. Yeah, maybe. It's an incredibly high structure, and then just shoots you for the rest of the year. I know that. I know it's rollercoaster week this week, but maybe we should give it a break next week, but maybe in a few weeks we could do log flume week.

Someone did suggest log flume. Because how good are log flumes? You couldn't do log flume right on the heels of rollercoaster. Now I'm just watching the Kingda Car bloody POV video from Six Flags. It goes straight up, eh? Yes. By your mind.

Yep, it's very tall and very vertical. With a VR headset, they could film something that would adequately sort of like give you the... Move the chairs. You wouldn't get the G,

but you'd get the feeling of what it was like. It's going up, it's going up, it's going up. Man, that is insanely tall. It's still going up, it's still going up, it's still going up, it's still going up, it's still going up, it's's going up. It's going up. It's going up. Man, that is insanely tall. Still going up. Still going up. Still going up.

Still going up. Still going up. Still going up. It goes up vertical. And got to the top. And whoa. Going down. Going down.

Going down. Going down. Going down. Going down. Going down. Going down. And the cork screws down. It goes up vertical down.

That's insane. That's pretty wild. Whoa. I mean, I'd just love to go on it. Jump on YouTube. Jump on YouTube and watch a whole lot of different roller coasters around the world. So today's Fact of the Day was a little summation of the fastest,

longest and highest roller coasters in the world. Fact of the Day, Day, Day, Day, Day. Yeah. Big celebrity news this morning from the Smith family. Will Smith, Jada Pinkett Smith. Yeah, not separating, just haven't been together for seven years. So everyone's like, what? She was being interviewed on a show and there was talking about, because they've always had a,

been very open about their interesting dynamic, right? That they're like, she had a girlfriend for a while or something like that. And they're allowed to see other people. They're allowed to see other people. Straight up, they've not been together for seven years, but they were like, in 2016, they got exhausted with trying.

They were both still stuck in their own fantasy of what they want the other person to be for them. So they decided to part ways, but said that they would never divorce. They're going to remain a couple. Does that make it even more remarkable that when he slapped Chris Rock, he wasn't even with his wife?

I know, so then everyone's been, apparently at some point in this whole time, Chris Rock has asked Jada Pinkett Smith out on a date. What? To get back at him? No, I don't know where it was in the timeline, but apparently that's been a thing as well. Right.

And then everyone was like, so you're not even together? And then other people are like, he's still the mother of his children and all that. Yeah, but they just sound like a monogamish long-term gay couple. Monogamish. Monogamish. You know what I mean?

They're best friends, but they just sleep with other people. Totally. And that's just a thing. So. That straight people don't do as much. You mentioned monogamish. This is, this is something we don't know.

It's lame. Aaron can have a lover if he wants one. Absolutely. Or he'd let you have a pass card for Jess and my mum. Absolutely, and that's still in play, very much so. Right, you're chipping away there. Chipping. Chipping away.

Chipping away. Chipping away. So the term monogamish has actually really been back in the zeitgeist. It's not a new term, but it's like, I don't know, I feel for really in the last 10 years we've talked about monogamy and how it's actually quite absurd, quite ridiculous really. Just pick one person and be like, I feel for really in the last 10 years we've talked about monogamy and how it's actually quite absurd. Quite ridiculous, really. Just pick one person and be like,

I guess I'll just tolerate you and only you for the rest of life. We're animals, you and me, baby. I've got nothing to say. What are your thoughts on monogamy? I'm very happy with it. I told Shada the other day if she left me or if she died, that wasn't a threat. It was just like if it happened. A hypothetical.

I said, I don't think I'd ever meet anybody else again. Unless it was very easy and they came to me. God, you're going to be a grumpy old man in a cabin in the woods with a shotgun one day, eh? He's going to let it all go. 2024, baby. Shoot. Up in lights. Oh my God. That's when I'm hoping to make the transition.

Right to... To grumpy old cabin man. Can we come visit or not? We're out.'ll shoot it yeah he'll shoot it he'll shoot at us because he's gone crazy with the conspiracy theories no no conspiracy theories you're isolated isolation leads to this i'm not gonna buy into that i'm right i'm gonna be more stubborn okay they drove me you wouldn't want to meet someone else i just don't know if I could be bothered. A lot of admin. I get the bothered thing. So much admin. Yeah, right.

Because I've got Baldur's Gate 3 on the go at the moment. I've clocked up 60 plus game hours on that. Spider-Man 2 comes out soon. That's going to have Spider-Man. That's going to have Miles Morales. No, you're not going to meet anyone else. That's going to have Venom. There's too many video games to play and too much TV to watch

and someone will be jibber-jabbering. You don't want any. What about a little hot shagging on the side? Nah. I don't know. Okay. Well, monogamish, a monogamish relationship is something in between a monogamous relationship and an open relationship.

Yeah. Because open relationship is fully like you go. Monogamish is like, oh my God, you sleep with someone once. That's all right, I guess. Well, let's dive into this. Like a lot of relationships will have boundaries and rules in place for that. Because it is such an ish, monogamish,

I want to know more about it. So I think we should get some calls and messages in about your monogamish relationship setup. So what you want to hear from people that have been allowed a pass card.

Yeah, a pass card. Or are allowed to play, right. Yeah, like a here and there. A non-traditional, a pass card. Or are allowed to play right. Yeah, like a here and there. Non-traditional, right? Yeah. Okay. I want to know your set up and what it's like and how it works.

Or did it fail? Or like Will Smith and Jada Pinkett Smith, you broke up. But you're still married and you're still a family. And then six years later you smash some dude in the mouth and pretty much destroy your career. Yeah. For a woman that you separated from however many years before. Seven years before.

Okay, well, are you in a monogamish relationship? 0800 DARS at M. We want to take your calls now. You can text through 9696. I'm just curious to know the setup, how it works, what defines your monogamish relationship. This is so intriguing to me. It's like I'm doing my own personal research.

Aaron, are you listening? We're talking about Will Smith, Jada Pinkett Smith. The news this morning, they haven't even been together for the last six or seven years. No, but it kind of sounds like they still might hook up, but they're still married for seven years, but they're not together and they're allowed to see other people. And then the term monogamish has been coming up all over the internet recently.

Yeah. And I want to know if you're in a monogamish, interesting setup in your relationship, how it works. Byron, good morning. Morning, team. Hi. Good to know you are in a monogamish relationship. Yeah, kind of, something like that, yeah. Yeah, what's the setup?

So me and my partner have known each other for about eight years now. Best friends, literally inseparable from the start. But the only thing is we're both gay, so we're not really compatible. But we live together. Oh wait, is your best friend, is she a woman? Yes. Ah, you're not compatible if you're gay. That doesn't work. Ooh. Ooh, yeah, women, ooh. Yeah, exactly.

So you call her your partner. I do. You're gay. She's a woman. She's gay. You're a man. We have a baby coming. Oh!

Wow, okay. Can I? Wait, so you're like... Are you more like husband and wife or best friends? That's the kind of line we're like in between. It's because, um,

literally it's like if I have a work to do, she comes as my partner. The people I work with know her as my partner. But everyone also knows we're gay. And it's just when it comes to a sexual partner,

we smash outside the circle. I was going to say, she has female lovers, you have male lovers, but you are together in this monogamous relationship. Yeah, and we are pretty much married. I mean, emotionally, we are bonded together. I love this so much. I do too, that's so cool. I love this so much. I do too. That's so cool.

I love this so much. Does anyone find it weird? Everyone. Yeah, everyone. Especially when they... Sorry. No, I'm just going to say your kid's going to grow up with two loving parents that love each other very much and are also very fulfilled. Yeah, exactly.

They're never going to have to deal with a divorce or any of those crazy wild things that hit people go through. I love this. Byron, I love this so much. I do. I love this. Thanks, Byron. I've never known of a single guy, a gay guy having a terribly messy emotional breakup.

Oh, yeah. No, no. They're always so controlled. Yeah, they're always so level-headed about it all. Incredible. Byron, thank you for sharing. So many texts and calls. We'll get to those next.

It's just so interesting to me. Asking this morning, what is your monogamish relationship? Yeah. I'm so fascinated by Byron, who called up. Gay man and a gay woman. Relationship with a gay woman.

Yes. Souls connected. Having a baby. Sexually nothing, but having a baby. Anonymous, what's your monogamish set up? Oh, it's quite funny.

Like, when I first heard you guys talking about this, I was like, I've never heard that term before. But my relationship does describe that. Okay. So I'm bi, and so my partner has said that. Congrats, Sam. I don't know if you need a best of both worlds. No, no, congratulations is in order.

Thanks. Well done no, congratulations. It's an order. Thanks. Well done. Well done. And my partner has said that I am allowed to go and sleep with women if I feel like it. The only thing is that I have to be completely transparent. I will again pause for applause. For you, you're exciting born.

No, no, no, no. This is a win. You are into everything. You've got a partner who's just given you the thumbs up. And so he said to you that you had to be transparent about it, though. Yes. So, like, if there was somebody that, say, I saw in town or somebody that I had been talking to,

then I just had to tell him everything. Right. Okay. Yeah. And he's not there. Does he get to take a lover? Not on his own. That's not something that he

wants to do, but we also have a joint Tinder account. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, okay. So you could bring, oh my god, this is great. This is fantastic. But I get it, like, because you'd go, oh, the rules apply, the rules are different for you than for him, but he's not interested in getting something outside of what he can get from you

whereas you are interested in maintaining a sexual relationship with women so why not? Yeah, exactly Always great to have the best of both worlds What you're doing is you're having your cake and you're eating it too

So to speak Good for you. Incredible. Anonymous, thank you for sharing. So many messages in. Some people are allowed to sleep around, but the other person's not. So getting a bit of that, hey? My wife and I are talking about her taking another lover.

Reads a text. This is not my own personal story. My wife and I are talking about her taking another lover. She's semi-keen because she likes a guy. I do worry she'll fall for him and leave me, but also she won't let me take another lover. No. No.

We're not here to pass judgment, but that's not how it works. That's not how it works. Yeah. No. What's good for the goose is good for the agander. Yeah. You've got to leverage this for yourself as well, even if it's for a PlayStation or, I don't know, a holiday or a new car.

Yeah, dude, PS5. Yeah. Motorcycle. You get a motorcycle, I get a bit of a lady cycle. Although we do know someone that's happened to it and then they didn't, yeah, they, yeah. Yeah, I know. They didn't get anything. Even the motorcycle.

They had to sell the motorcycle in the divorce because it was technically a joint asset. Yeah, she fell in love with the woman. Splitting up a lover. Yeah. Splitting a lover. You know, that's a person. You can't just take them to divorce court and get half each. Or cash equivalent.

Very open people on the text machine. Someone said, do some research into the animal world where there is social versus sexual monogamy. Okay, I'm not going to, but I'll take that. It sounds hard. Could they have summed that up for us? I'll research it when David Attenborough gives me an hour-long special in 1080p. I don't know if I want David Attenborough being all horny.

4K. He won't be horny. Yeah, but he'll have to talk about, you know. He'll talk about it, but he'll do it in a very professional manner. Can you read the one that's second from the top? So I didn't think monogamish was that one? Yeah. So I didn't think monogamish was what my ex was talking about all the time,

and here I was just thinking he was a dirty cheat with a lisp. Monogamish. That's good. Good from them. Good from them. Yeah. Lost in translation. Monogamish is very different to cheating.

Yeah. Oh, yeah, there's got to be an agreement. It's all about communication, isn't it? This is what our friend Morgan, the sexologist, would say. Yes, she would. Communication, it's all about being open and transparent. And you can basically have whatever you want if it works for both parties. Oh

gosh! Things to think about, huh? You're quite excited, actually. Things to think about. Things to take into consideration. I just feel like the last half an hour has been an attack on my Christian values. God, how are you going to go home and explain this to your kids?

My deep-seated Christian values. I know. We apologise. Apologies to our Christian listeners. Well, don't apologise to us. But you'll go home and watch those documentaries on the internet about same-sex couples. Well, I've got to copy the URLs

to send it to my group to have them taken down. I've got to find every single filthy, smut-filled URL on the internet, and I copy it, and I put it in an email, and I send it to my church leader, who replies saying, thank you very much. Thank you for doing this for the Lord. We'll do all we can from here. Oh, another one in the bag. It's a Versace bag as well.

If you enjoyed that, give us a rating and a review and be sure to tell your mates. You don't sound sincere there, boy. I'm just reading what's written here. ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley.