ZM's Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley - Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley's Big Pod - 12th September 2023

Episode Date: September 11, 2023

Silly Little Poll!  Top 6: Public Transport Pets  Dictionary Additions  Jason Derulo!  The Impossible Phoner!  Fact of the Day Day Day Day Daaaaay!See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

The ZM Podcast Network. The Fleshpawn and Hayley Big Pod. Treat yourself to McCafe coffee with my Macca's rewards. Morning, welcome to the show, Fleshpawn and Hayley. Six minutes past six. Hayley joining us this morning on the Road for the Seven Days live tour from Palmerston North. Yes, what a stunning time I'm having.

Dague, what a stunning daycore that having. Dave, what a stunning day call that is. Yes, yep, yep. I love peach. Are you staying again at the place where the old man ghost visited you? No, I'm not. I'm at a different location. Great, good for you. Yeah.

Okay. Sorry, I just turned myself right down because... Yeah, no, that's better. That sounds better. I was peaking. You were peaking there. God, I just turned myself right down because... Yeah, no, that's better. That sounds better. I was peaking. You were peaking there. God, sorry, everyone. I'm doing my own tech here.

Testing, testing. Everything sounds different to me, but it's because I'm wearing a hat, not a beanie. Oh, you are today. I couldn't find my... No, no, this is not Groundhog Day. Transitioned. I'm not the sign that the seasons are changing.

I just could not find my beanie this morning in the dark. No, it's good. I thought about fucking on all the lights in the house and throwing a real tantrum. Who's find my beanie this morning in the dark. No, it's good. I thought about flicking on all the lights in the house and throwing a real tantrum. Who's moved my beanie? No. On the way, silly little poll, and you've got a, you've skewed our figures this morning, Vaughan, according to the

group chat, because you went to vote in silly little poll today and you've misvoted. I went to drag the little scale and I let go too quick and it cast my vote. How many times... Oh! I thought it was playing with yourself. Wait, what?

It said adult times and I assumed that meant... No, no. Masturbatorium. Visiting the masturbatorium. With your partner. Oh, no, then I've gone too far. I've dragged it too far. Yeah, when you said this I was like, okay, bragging.

No, no, no, no, no, no. Oh, I thought it meant playing with yourself. Your Honour, I will remove all of my statement today. How many times a week do you do it? This is a silly little poll. There's been some research out what happens to our sex lives as we get older. Cool. Which we'll delve into as well.

The top six is on the way. Yeah, you are allowed to take your pets on Auckland Transport all the time now. Because it was a trial. Yeah, they trialled it. So I've got the top six signs you're sitting next to a pet. And the top six. Okay, coming up. Our cash catch up is back.

$25,000. We've got to give away. So make sure you're listening for that activator. Just before the news at 8 o'clock, Jason Derulo on the show today as well, because today's the day that all the tickets go on sale for Fridays.

Whee! So big show. Next, Uber looking, according to rumours, looking to add another thing to their bow, another what do you call it, another string? Another string to their bow. Yeah, another quiver to their arrow pouch. What do you...

You add another string to the bow to make it... Are there multiple strings? Yes, there's lots of horse hairs. Oh, right, okay. So it's making it stronger to fire further. Yeah, well, they've got another idea. We'll delve into this rumour next. So it's making it stronger to fire further. Yeah, well, they've got another idea. We'll delve into this rumour next.

A developer digging around Uber's app. I don't know, what does that mean? I quite liked it, though. He was digging around Uber's app. You know, like, web developers, I I guess, have to work on things. And maybe that, I don't know. Was he reverse engineering a mainframe? I don't know.

He reckons that Uber. He reckons, does he? Are about to launch a handy person service. Okay. So we don't have it here. I've just looked in the app store, Task Rabbit. Yeah. It's an app in America. If you want someone to do a job that you don't want to do, like, I don't know, mow the lawns, move some boxes. Yeah. I don't know. Carry some shit. You can get someone for an hour on this app or more. And I guess you put the job listing

and then they say, yeah, I'll'll do that and then you pay them through the app. Right. Is it like hire a hubby? Yeah. It is an app based hire a hubby rather than ringing hire a hubby and saying I would like to hire a hubby. But you can just get someone over to your house like pretty quick. Yeah. And for whatever

like you didn't want to clean your windows, any job really. Oh cleaning your windows does suck. Yeah. I'd be into that, to be honest. But then... I've got one. I mean, ask... You know what I mean? I've got one who does this all for me.

But if he was away, you could get someone on the app. But yeah, it looks like... Yeah, do you know, I mowed the lawns the other day. Well done. Thank you. Pause for applause. Did you? With the catcher on, of course.

Yeah, oh my God, of course. Yeah, okay, good. I'm not a monster. Do you even have any lawn at the moment? Did you With the catcher on of course Yeah oh my god of course Yeah okay good I'm not a monster Do you even have any lawn at the moment Yeah it's a bit of a bog Yeah right A little bit Like the front and whatnot

I mean it's barely grown for months But Aaron It was driving Aaron nuts And he was such a busy day And he said Hey hey I'll do it And I did such a bad job

But I did it Yeah but that's perfect Because then he won't let you do it again So you get out of it Yeah It was nice my competence somewhat But yeah it was good And I did such a bad job, but I did it. Yeah, but that's perfect because then he won't let you do it again. So you get out of it. It was nice, my competence somewhat, but yeah, it was good. That's the way to do it. Yeah.

I don't know. I didn't enjoy it. If I was ever, if I was ever found myself single again, you know, for whatever reason. You would be able to use this app. I could use this app. But then how much like, I mean, you talk to anyone that's done Uber Eats or Ubering, and Uber take a massive cut, right? Oh, Uber take a massive cut, yeah. So, like, you're getting someone over to your house to do a job for an hour, and they're probably not even getting half of what you're paying.

I know. Go on the community pages. Yeah. Are there New Zealand? Surely there are New Zealand apps, right? Someone said TaskRabbit's in New Zealand. Is it? Yeah.

Really? Apps are already here. TaskRabbit in New Zealand. So, IKEA purchased that app in 2017. IKEA. IKEA it? Yeah. Really? Apps are already here. TaskRabbit in New Zealand. So Ikea purchased that app in 2017. Ikea. Ikea purchased the app. When's Ikea here, by the way? Well, it's building now, isn't it? So a couple of years.

It feels like they've been saying that forever, though. Yeah. But did they buy that because everybody needs their furniture put together? Probably the main thing people were asking for on TaskRabbit was how to assemble Ikea furniture because they didn't want it to end their marriage so someone could ask and come around and do a completely third party. Well, there you go.

It's already here, TaskRabbit. But yeah, Uber looking to get into that field as well. That'd be a great little extra money earner for like students and stuff, you know? Totally. Or if you've got like old mates that have retired. Yeah. But they'll buy a Jim's.

They'll buy a Jim's. Because you know Jimms does gym mowing but gym also does like other stuff now. But then you've got to have a franchise but old mates this would be perfect to go and have a tinker whenever they're free. Yeah. A tinker. They love it. You'll be one of those people. I fixed the washing machine at the gym yesterday.

Oh my gosh. Oh my god no that's a flood waiting to happen isn't it? The washing machine at the gym nah because the front thing had come off the door wouldn't shut properly. Well, that's not fixing a washing machine. I really did, the girlies were trying to fix it. Am I allowed to say girlies?

Because I know we say girlies here about the girl maths girlies and it's a term of endearment, but if you don't know them as well, are you allowed to call them the girlies? I guess so. The female workers

were looking at the washing machine and I really thought, do I even offer to help? Because this could come across really like, watch out, sweetheart. Let a man have a go. Yeah, yeah. But they were struggling and I stopped and I made some inquiries. See, if you've done this on the app, you could have made $20.

Yeah, you could have made $20. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley. Silly Little Pole, how much adult time do you have in a week? Now, I read that and I assumed it meant playing with yourself. So I was trying to drag the slide as far as it would go. And I accidentally released. You don't need to explain. At around about three. It's anonymous.

You don't need to explain. You vote. I don't care. I'm going to be honest. Right. I'll tell you how it is. And I dropped it just on the south side of three. And it turns out that's the most common answer.

Okay. Just under three. Just under three a week. That's where it averaged it out. This sounds to me like a lot of new relationships. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, wow. Good for you, man.

Good for you. I mean, one of the options was seven plus. Yeah, you're stupid. That's why I thought I must have been playing with yourself. I've had friends that do the deed every day. What? Like it's part the deed every day What? Like it's part of every day What? Part of the routine

Who? Would I know any of them? No I don't think anyone I know that's sexually driven apart from Fletch No What?

I know Don't they get bored? What with the same person? Don't you get like bloated? Don't you eat a bad meal? Yeah. Yeah. Aren't you tired?

Yeah, like what do you do after that big Indian butter chicken? Yeah. And naan. Don't put that thing anywhere near me. I'm not going anywhere near that region. No. That's going to be a bloody bomb site soon. Yeah.

I was just reading some stats before we do our own stats. Oh, yeah, okay. I knew some stats before we do our own stats. Oh, yeah, okay. I knew there were some stats. That couples that have been together for a minimum of 10 years had, this is sexy time, seven times a month on average. Okay. Jesus. So what's that like?

It's nearly a couple of times a week. Yeah, nearly. I mean, Ted, good for you. Yeah, good on you. Good for you. It's also quite funny because it looked into how often, how it's kind of like tapering off as you get older. And that's mostly in heterosexual couples,

whereas homosexual couples or same-sex couples and bisexual couples, they don't really taper as hard as... This is why people are homophobic. It's jealous. It's jealousy. Yeah, right. Absolutely. Go the are homophobic. It's jealous. It's jealousy. Yeah, right. Absolutely.

Go the gays, man. Good for you. So they don't tamper off at all? Not really. Very slim. Very slim tamper. Right, okay.

Wild. Not as hard as the heterosexual, you know, the old bull and chain marriage sort of thing. The cliff drop. Yeah.

So how much adult time do you have a week? Zero, three, five or seven plus. And as I said, the answer was just under three. Hannah says, I thought this meant alone time by myself. Me too, Hannah. Oh, yeah, okay.

And then I was sliding all the way to the end. There she is! Attagirl! Sliding all the way to the end and I realised it meant something else. Because if it's by myself, seven days a week. Good for you, man. Endorphins. Yeah, endorphins.

Yeah. It's good for you. Yeah, or just, it's as good as a bloody sleeping pillow sometimes, isn't it? Absolutely. And it's as good as a coffee some other times.

It's magic. Yeah, but sometimes you're rolling the dice, it can go either way. Yeah, yeah, you are. I really roll the dice every time. Sam messaged and saying, who's doing seven plus? I've got to work some. Yeah.

I'm hearing that. Liam says, newborn baby. So at the moment, it's a zero hanky panky zone. Oh, okay. Yeah, that's everybody's tired. The baby is, well, don't worry. It'll bounce back, fella. Dominic says, long distance relationships suck.

Yeah. Well, you chose to be in suck. Yeah. Well you chose to be in one. Yeah. Put that out there. You thought it was going to be like fun and elusive and you could do naughty things but it becomes hard work doesn't it? It becomes hard work. Yeah. Taryn said, oh I'm not going to read that word out. We have

little sea blocking tiny humans. So what they've done is they've had children. Or we'd do it more. That's horrible. It doesn't tell me what she voted. It's on you. It's really on you.

Carolyn says, too tired during the week, and we prefer taking our time in the mornings on weekends. Oh, yeah. We should take our time. That'd make love. Yeah, but you've got to get to the, if you're having brunch, you've got to get there, because the tables fill up quite fast.

Yeah, they do. We're only holding your table for 15 minutes after you've booked time. Yeah. Oh, no, take your time. George said, Wake and shake, baby. No, he's confused as well, I think.

Yeah, we should have really... He thinks he's playing with himself every morning. We should have really spelt that out, shouldn't we? God bless him. Tanya says, Don't have a partner. That shouldn't stop you. But then, yeah, there's options out there, isn't there?

Absolutely. Oh, yeah, there's options out there, but I think she's saying that she doesn't have a partner, so it's hard to gauge. It's harder, yeah, right. Yeah, it's a little irregular. Yeah, I wonder if that woman who was listening yesterday who complained when we said the word homosexual

will have heard this break and what she has to say about this. I don't know. She didn't care about the content. She just didn't like the fact that we were talking about homosexuals. So if she's listening, good morning to her. Good morning to her, and that's a little poll. 625 next on the show. Now, I don't want to play to the gender norms here, but I've got a hot laundry hack.

And I think you're actually going to really like this one. Okay. It's clever. I'm really good at laundry, I'll just say that. Well, you're about to get a lot better. Play ZM's Fletch Vodden Ailey. Play ZM. Now, what is this?

Okay, I was just reading an article about this laundry hack, right, that I'm going to share with you all. But then they were like, oh, remember this hack, remember this hack, the ice in the dryer. What? Because it steams, right, and it takes the wrinkles out. Surely that's not good for the dryer if you don't have a steam dryer. Wouldn't know.

Because also you put clothes in there wet, so you would think that it would already steam. Removes wrinkles from clothing. Huh. Huh. Huh. Huh. Huh.

Well, here's a laundry hack for you. If you've got sort of a small washing line, you're doing big loads, or you've got a clothing horse inside because it's been winter for so long. Do you call it a clothing horse? I call it a clothes horse. Yeah, I call it a clothes horse.

I just panicked. Okay. Someone called it something weird. A-frame dryer I heard someone call it the other day. What? No. Excuse me. It's got a name. It's a clothes horse.

I'm really good at the clothes horse. I can fit so much on there. Do you do T-shirts on the bars? Let's call them the X bars. They go this way. And then do you do socks on the Y? Yeah. Yeah.

Socks on the gaps. Socks on the gaps. Yeah, yeah. Socks on the Y. Yeah. But also, like, if you put too much on, it's not going to, it takes longer. Oh, yeah, yeah. The air's got to get through there.

Yeah, yeah. Well, you could put your clothes on the clothing horse, and then this hack is that you get your basket, your classic basket with handles and holes. Now, we've spoken about your basket before, Vaughan, that you've had for... 20-odd years. And does that have holes in the side?

Yes. Okay. Big ones, actually, because it's just absolutely full into pieces. Well, what you do is you thread your socks through there. So you thread a sock through each little hole, taking up very little space, no pegs, no, you know. So I'm looking at this photo. Oh, that's a smart idea.

This is what, a $3 came out washing basket with kind of oval holes. It's the washing basket. If you think about your washing basket, not your clothing hamper, your dirty laundry hamper, but your washing basket that you take to the washing line, you'll have this. This is what you have. Yeah, and this is brilliant. So you poke your socks through and you just leave them

to dry there. Yeah, man, I do this. Is that why they have holes in them? No, it'll be so that they don't, like, if you were leaving clothes in there they would just fold up. But I do this sometimes if we run out of space. Wait, you've been doing an internet clothing hack and you didn't know it? I guess I sort of created it.

Yeah, accidentally. I'm the inventor of this clothing hack. Yeah, I always do this. I always either lean them over the top of the basket and pop them outside or thread them through the little hole-ies. That's a great idea. It's a great idea. I need to do laundry so bad.

Do you ever think like I've got this far through life and I didn't know that? Yeah, man. All the time. All the time, eh? Yeah, man. Always learning. Always learning. What is your laundry situation?

I just heard you say you've got to do laundry so bad. Well, I've been on the road for a week. Yeah, you've got to get stinky. Manky. Well, I've been on the road for a week. Yeah, you've got to be stinky. Stinky. Yeah. Well, I've been on the road for nearly two weeks. And I didn't bring any t-shirts. So you would have seen this top every day. Yeah, quite a bit.

Is it a polo shirt? Sort of a knit. Oh, right. Yeah, a polo knit. Sort of a polo knit. But yeah, I don't have any clothes. I don't have any clothes. I've got no undies.

This must be hell for you because fashion is your passion. Fashion is my passion. That's how, that's why I'm wearing a polo knit. Yeah. Well, if you're in Napier, is it Napier tonight for the seven days live tour

or you see Hayley around. Maybe chuck her a pair of knickers. Or just give her a wide berth because she's a bit pongy. I think you're going to say give her a wipe. I was like, no, I don't think that's up to me.

I wouldn't take say no to a wipe. Size 14 in the undies, please. Play ZM's Fletch Vaughan and Hayley. Blah, blah, blah. Blah, blah, blah, blah. This is the top six. Auckland Transport has announced that household pets will now permanently be welcome aboard buses, trains and ferries.

Meow, meow, meow, meow, meow. It comes after the success of two previous pets on buses trials earlier this year with small domestic pets and carriers and large dogs with muzzles and leads.

So they just, that's their criteria, small domestic pets. Like, could I take my, could I take my iguana? Yeah, absolutely. You could take your iguana. Thank you.

That's good because you're a iguana, man. He needs to get out and see the world. I know, I know. That's good, because your iguana, man, he needs to get out and see the world. I know, I know. That's pet discrimination. Yeah. And I certainly won't stand for it in this progressive city.

I don't want to be on a bus and some chick's got a ferret. You know, like a goth chick has, they always have ferrets. Goth chick loves ferrets. I'm surprised you didn't have a ferret growing up. My friend who was a goth had a ferret. Yeah, goths love ferrets. Yep. I don't think you're allowed pet ferrets in New Zealand anymore.

I think they have changed the rules. In 2002, a new law was passed that banned the sale, distribution, and breeding of ferrets. Oh, my God, that was pink goth. How did they take that? 2002, yeah. Well, they became emos. Oh, right, okay. Yeah, we had to transition out.

Emos didn't have ferrets. Okay, right. Nah, emos didn't. They'd be scared of ferrets. There are only a few people in New Zealand who have a special permit allowing them to keep pet ferrets for hunting rabbits. Oh, yeah, that makes sense. Okay.

I've seen a video of someone doing that in the central Otago, and these ferrets destroy rabbits. Good. Tear them to pieces. Yeah, good, good. That's a lot to watch. Okay. I've got the top six signs you're sitting next to a pet on an Auckland bus.

Number six on the list. Someone's snake is sitting where your dog was sitting and it's got a guilty look on its face and a dog-shaped bump in its tummy. Is that something you... Oh, you know, you're not allowed pet snakes in New Zealand, actually. Forget it. Number five on the list are the top six signs you're sitting next to a pet on an Auckland bus. There's a cockatoo on someone's shoulder eyeing up your granola bar.

Oh, yeah. They're loud. My marching coach used to own cockatoos. And then you'd walk in and be like. There's wild cockatoos that fly around our house. And they're an invasive pest. And they do a colour of them every now and then. Well, I took a pop shot at one with a slug gun.

And I tell you what, it took it like a champ. It was like. It literally went. Not today. They're so cute though. Whenever I'm at your house, I'm always like, ugh. It literally went, ugh. Not today. They're so cute, though. Whenever I'm at your house, I'm always like, they look so beautiful. Yeah, they're not. They're so loud.

It's unbelievable. Right. And they're invasive. They pick on the natives. Aw. Are they bullies? Native birds. Aw.

Is it the same with the rosellas, the rainbow-colored ones? Yeah, they're invasive as well. Oh, my God. Get rid of them. Australian birds. Yuck. They fly around our house. It's a gay friendly house.

Oh, I don't want my Rosella extermination program to be deemed as some sort of homophobic bird attack. Because they're rainbow. They're literally the rainbow bird. Yeah.

You wait until the gays in the group chat find out about this. Oh no. They're going to be very upset with you, sir. Number four on the list of the top six signs

you're sitting next to a pet on an Auckland bus. Someone's missed their stop because they're scared to wake the cat that's asleep on their lap. You know those sycophantic people that are like,

I can't get up, my cat's asleep on me. Throw that cat off you. No, that happens sometimes. You should not let cats sleep on you. Number three on the list of the top six signs

you're sitting next to a pet on an Auckland bus. There's a lizard dressed as a wizard in a blizzard heading to Armageddon. Don't ask. It's a cosplay. Right. There's a lizard dressed as a wizard in a blizzard heading to Armageddon. Don't ask. It's a cosplay. Right, okay.

This lizard loves cosplay. Number two on the list of the toxic signs you're sitting against to a pet on an Auckland bus. A fish's tank has sploshed water all over the seat when the bus hit a speed bump and you just sat in it. Oh, yuck. Well, you can't take your fish on board. Why not? It's a pet. It's a pet discrimination. Yeah, don't pet discriminate. Oh, you're right there.

No oxalotls though. Yeah, yuck. Yeah, because they look like little doodles with legs don't they? No. And number one on the list of the top six signs you're sitting next to a pet on an Auckland bus. A dog just had a drink and then shook its head and did that thing where it's flappy gums just like spray spit everywhere.

No thanks. It's all on the window. It's all on your pants. God, today is ruined. It is today's the window. It's all on your pants. Yeah, today is ruined. It is today, stop six. I love when these happen, when the dictionary releases the words that it's going to be adding. It's the season. It is indeed.

It feels like Christmas. It's creeping in earlier and earlier. They add the words of the year, but it's only September. Yeah, we've got a good chunk of the year left, don't we? Yeah, well this is from the Macquarie Dictionary, which is predominantly Australian New Zealand, which is I like because it's reflecting how we

speak more than like an American or a British one. Oh, you know I'm an Oxford girl. Yeah, we've talked about this. You're Oxford hard. Oxford hard. Oxford for life. But the Macquarie Dictionary, the Australian National Dictionary, is releasing its ninth edition, and it's added some words and terms to reflect the current zeitgeist,

the things we talk about. Menti B. The mental breakdown. I love this. Love this. Menti B's in there. Yep, meaning a bit of a mental breakdown or a Mentibies in there Meaning a bit of a mental breakdown or a mental break The ick

Has finally made its way into the Mokori dictionary Spicy cough That's COVID This is so Australian I love it Goblin mode Which you would have seen online quite a lot When you enter in goblin mode

Bachelor's handbag has finally made its way I think that's a long time coming I love a bachelor's handbag We love it Same, we love it I love a rice check Cosy, as in your swimsuit That's an Australian term that we don't use

Cosy But we use the cosy club That's cosmopolitan Yeah What is the origins of a cosy? Like why do they call it a cosy? Like a costume? Swimming costume Oh, a costume Yeah the cosy club. That's cosmopolitan. Yeah. What is the origins of a cosy? Like, why do they call it a cosy? Like a costume? Swimming costume.

Oh, a costume. Swimming costume. Yeah, cosy. Yeah. Should have been a costy. There's two more on this list. Situationship. Yeah. Oh, yeah.

Basically who you're banging at the time, but you don't want to call them your boyfriend. Yeah. And Barbiecore. Okay. Barbiecore. Just like everyone's been dressing and pink and wearing a lot of pink and obsessed with Barbie this year.

Oh, great additions. Great. Do you know what? Great additions. I would say I use Mentie B. I use the ick a little bit. Spicy cough I used a lot. Bachelor's handbag.

I mean, that's a classic. There you go. Those are now official words in the Australian Macquarie Dictionary. Somebody's worked out a list of the Australian Macquarie Dictionary. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley. Somebody's worked out a list of the top 10 sitcoms of all time. They've used IMDb, which is one of the best. If you're ever watching a movie or a TV show, you're just like, who's that?

It's one of my favourite apps on my phone. So good. It's Frontpage. I believe it's Frontpage and it's got its own. Yeah, look, it's Frontpage and it's not even in a folder. It's just there. I use it so front page and it's got a sign. Yeah, look, it's front page and it's not even in a folder. It's just there. I use it so often. I've actually got a profile.

I've actually got a profile. Do you? What, because you're an actor? I'm an actor. Do you? So do you pay? Because that's what I've, it's like sign in. I've got an account, but to add stuff, you've got to pay, right?

I've never done it. Someone's done it for me. Someone's doing it for you. Oh, okay. Hayley Sproul. Quite a big deal. Actress. Night school. School night. pay right i've never done it someone's done it for me someone's doing it for you oh okay hayley sprout quite a big deal what's on actress night school school night school night she played does she have a rating like out of 10 did do they give um no not not for individual projects oh yeah does it say what her highest grossing movie is uh it doesn't have any information she doesn't even have any like quirky stories is there any trivia no yeah no trivia no trivia oh just like give it room to

breathe you've got an upcoming project though that's exciting do i when darkness loves us screenplay by wow that's um public knowledge, but I love that. Oh, I'm sorry. I assumed it was on IMDb. It must have been. That's on IMDb, wow. Wow. How did they know that?

Happy for you to have a gig, though. That wasn't public knowledge. Happy for you to have a job. Well, thank you, Hans. Here's a cancelled TV show. Okay. Take your list of them out. It's got a list.

It's got a list. Well, IMDb, so they've worked out the top 10 sitcoms of all time. So I've got the top 10. We'll start at 10. Brooklyn Nine-Nine. I'm a huge Andy Samberg fan, but I haven't given that, and I know the cast is great.

I haven't given that that's just desserts and watched enough of it. Yeah, I'm the same. I dipped in and then went like. I dipped in early and I was like, oh, I see. This is like Parks and Rec, but they're police officers. it. Yeah, I'm the same. I dipped in and then went like that. I dipped in early and I was like, oh, I see. This is like Parks and Rec, but they're police officers.

Yeah. Yeah. So in at number nine, The Simpsons. Oh, classic. Classic. Do you know Julie Kavanagh, Marge Simpson?

I've learnt this fact this week. I think I've told everybody I know about 10 times. She initially had it written into her contract that she would never have to appear in public and do the Marge Simpson voice. So that's why you see like Dan Castellaneta and like Hank Azaria.

They all go on talk shows and they do all the voices. Yeah. She doesn't. Because she's never, no, no, no. She just was just like, I don't want to have to do it. And they were like, that's fine. She did it once on David Letterman in like the mid 90s and she turned away from the camera

so you couldn't see her face during the March Simpsons voice. Okay. How good? The top 10 all-time sitcoms, eight, Rick and Morty, which is still ongoing, because a lot of these are amazing, but it's crazy that that's higher than The Simpsons.

Yeah, that's wild. Now, a show I never watched, Ugly Betty, is it number seven? Oh, yeah. Do you ever watch Ugly Betty? Yeah, I watched it when it was on telly, like when I was young. It must have had great reviews at the time because it's staying the test of time. It's a good show, but I just wouldn't have thought it was like of all time.

Yeah. Are you okay? What's the deal? America Ferrer is Ugly Betty, right? Works at like a fashion magazine But she's ugly You wouldn't have it now No No

Wouldn't fly now Six of the all time sitcoms Seinfeld Should be higher Yeah Should be higher Should be higher Should be higher

Should be number one Next on the list Modern Family is at number five It was good It went a little bit long Yeah I watched the first few seasons And it just got a bit It went a little bit long. Yeah, I watched the first few seasons and it just got a bit same, same. Yeah.

Next on the list, the Big Bang Theory. Get out. Number four. Get out. Unbelievable. I think we're heading towards the two and a half men. I'm going to call it.

This list has got big two and a half men energy. I'll shut my laptop and I'll leave. Number three on the list of the all-time sitcoms, Futurama. Futurama is fantastically written. I love Futurama. It's just back and this new season is so good. Right, okay. I've heard that.

Friends is number two of the all-time sitcoms. It's going to be two and a half men. If you say two and a half men, I'm walking. Just be wary before you open your mouth minutes. If you say two and a half minutes, I'm walking. Just be wary before you open your mouth, mate. Is it two and a half minutes? I'm walking too. The number one show. It's the US version.

Of The Office? Of The Office. Such a good show. Yeah. I never watched the US version. Oh my God, you have to do it. It is so, so good. I was a British pre-heurist.

It was so brilliantly done. It was just a few seasons and that was enough. No, I know, but the American one I know, I know, I know, I know. The British one's so good, but the American one became its own thing. Totally separate to the British one. Yeah, because I watched the first season

or the first, but basically where it was still just the British version in America, but then everybody says that strength laid in the seasons where it wasn't following the British script. Oh, thank God. If you said two and a half men, you would have been doing the show on your own. By yourself. I wouldn't have even read the list.

One and a nun half. Yeah, I wouldn't have even read the list. Don't worry about that. Next on the show, 14 past seven. Alarms. Different ways of waking you up in the morning that's actually going to stop you from snoozing. These are genius. Somebody's just messaged and said cartoons can't be sitcoms. Yes, they are.

They're situational comedies. Yeah, it's situated in space. I mean, it's dumb, but it's still. What, Rick and Morty? It's primarily on Earth. Okay, Rick and Morty. I love Rick and Morty, but I'm not a Futurama fan. Futurama is set in the future

In space It's Earth No No it's not It doesn't look like Earth They've got like Flying machines and stuff It's Earth in the future

No it's stupid I don't buy into it I'm slipping back into Snoozeville I feel like I've always been a snoozer, right? I've did like five alarms and then I hit them all off until eventually the last one gets me up. And then when I started working, you know, morning shifts, I was really strict.

I was like, first alarm, you've got to get up. It's the only way. Yep. And now as the year gets on towards Christmas. A little gassy there, love. I am. I've got a bit of flux. I've got a bit of.

I'm sorry to hear that. Do you need a quickie? I was going to say, you've got a quickie in the purse? You've got a quickie, Z-Man? Your mum's got one. I'll just have a cup of tea. Okay. I don't know if that's going to help.

Anyway, I've been snoozing, Susan. And I just found a list of five apps that can help you not do this. Because for me, I've got to get up straight away. Otherwise, I don't trust myself to not go back to sleep and miss. I love how your mantra of don't trust anyone ever, full stop, ever, includes yourself. Yeah, of course. I can't be trusted. I set my alarm for the last possible minute and then I get up.

See, I don't because I'm like, if I miss that one, I set my alarm for the last possible minute And then I get up See I don't because I'm like If I miss that one I've got no buffer Yeah right It's all different thinking My internal self takes over You're the kind of person that needs a buffer I'm a buffer girl Okay so here's some apps that I might try To help this

Okay the first one is called Challenger's Alarm Clock. Yeah. It's called Challenger's Alarm Clock. And the alarm goes off and it's a ticking noise alarm. Okay. And you have to complete a game to stop the ticking and vibrating, which means remembering the order in which 10 cats on the screen flash. So I couldn't do that even if I was awake, remembering 10 things in a row.

Yeah, that's quite hard. There's a lot of things in a row. But then you're awake, aren't you? Because the cats are flashing. Do the cats flash? Red. It was a red cat, yellow cat, purple cat, green cat. You have to do this game.

Otherwise, it doesn't stop going off or vibrating. It's not going off. See, that's a good idea. That'll get you awake. That word, that gets the brain going. Here's another one for the brain. It's called Math Alarm Clock, M-A-T-H-E, Alarm Clock. Math-ay.

Now, the person who was reviewing this, Math-ay, chose the hardest of three levels, and you have to do 10 exercises at this level to complete before the alarm will switch off. It's just maths. So you go like, Waco's like, and you open it and you've got to go like four times seven. 32.

Okay. No, 28. 28. My time samples are slipping lately. God. Every time you get one wrong It adds one to the end Oh no

See that's going to make me late for work Is there an easy setting? Like one plus two? There's level one, level two, level three I quite like this one, I'm going to try that The next one's called loud alarm clock And you can choose from ten files That are all really alarming.

Fire alarms, evacuation drills, nails down a chalkboard. What about that civil defense one? You know when that comes through on your phone? Jesus. That just wakes the dead. Yeah. And so the person reviewing this said this worked because it was such adrenaline.

You know, the panic, the muscle memory. That's not good for the boat that's not a good for the boat on a wake up though is it to be filled with stress no it's really bad but you know you're out of bed and also if you have a partner and you've got that oh yeah if your partner sleeps in another few hours after you leave you're in trouble the last two i think are my favourite. So this one is called Alarmy and you have to take a hundred steps before it turns off. So you have to get out of bed. And run around. Oh, wow. Okay.

So do what, like 10 loops of the house? Yeah, you just go running. And a lot of people say that if they live in small apartments, it means they literally have to go outside. Yeah, I was going to say. Take the phone and be like running around. A hundred steps. So they'll get you up.

Yeah. Start the day with a bit of, you know, cardiovascular fitness. This is the one I like so much. It's called barcode alarm clock. Okay. And you set it to something you have in your kitchen. So say like a box of cereal. Yeah.

To turn it off, you have to get up take the phone down and scan the barcode of your oh my god that is so good isn't that good no because i just have the cereal beside my bed and then you've got a snack in bed and it's messy and then you just rip the barcode off the box yeah when the box finishes cut it out and put it beside your bed but still scanning even half, scanning a barcode, you're going to have to wake yourself up a little bit. It's going to work. But Vaughan, who's putting himself to bed, knows he wants to get up.

So he's going to leave that in the kitchen. It's morning Vaughan who doesn't want to get out of bed, who would wish that he had brought it to bed. What if morning Vaughan takes over halfway through the night? We have a Tyler Durden situation. Right. Fight club spoiler there. Well, if you want to try any of those,

let us know because it's... I'm going to give a couple of them a go. You're not going to snooze with any of those, are you? You're going to be straight up. Imagine if you do 100 steps. Gosh. Play. ZM's Fletchvorn and Hayley.

Now, Kourtney Kardashian, who is currently pregnant, she's married to Travis Barker. She is sometimes my favourite Kardashian. She's very sarcastic. Right. Yeah. She took matters into her own hands because her daughter, Penelope, who's 11 years old,

lost a tooth, as you do at that age. Yeah. And she decided that what the tooth theory was going to leave behind, which is traditionally in New Zealand, a dollar coin, two dollar coin, five bucks if it's a biggie. She thought that that wasn't going to be enough. So she assisted the tooth theory, shall we say. Right. With adding some extra gifts for Penelope's tooth.

Which is what you do when you're this rich. When you're this rich. When you're richer than the tooth fairy. You've got to help the tooth fairy out. It's a living crisis. I'd imagine the tooth fairies notice the groceries going up. What do tooth fairies eat? Teeth.

They just live on teeth. Yeah, they eat them. Notice the groceries going up. What do tooth fairies eat? Teeth. Teeth. They just live on teeth. Yeah, they eat them. I didn't know they ate them. I just thought they hoarded them. No, no, they eat them. Do they? They eat them.

It's what powers them. Makes them stronger, yeah. I can't believe you didn't know this. Bone density. Yeah. So she had a little set up going. She had this little trinket, a little box, and it had a $20 note in it,

which for an 11- 11 year old, $20 American bill. That's rich. Then she also got a little story book next to the bed. But the thing that is catching people's attention is the $1,400 football from Prada.

A soccer ball? Yeah, it's a soccer ball in a case, like a Prada green case Like a Prada green case With a Prada label Which is worth 825 American dollars Which is around 1400 bucks Oh my god, this is ridiculous So all together

I mean, she's got about $1500 worth of Gear Yeah, right For losing a tooth. And I don't know about you, but... It'll just get left outside. There's a soccer ball outside of our house under the hedge. That just got

kicked there one day and got left there. I'm not picking it up. Is it Prada or not? Neither does the dog care about whether it's Prada or not. When the dog's driving its canine teeth through the shell of it and puncturing the ball to which then it becomes the dog's driving its canine teeth through the shell of it and puncturing the

ball to which then it becomes the dog's ball and they slowly destroy it. It's so strange though, like in the world in their world in which they're so rich and probably all of their friends are rich too I guess that's normal whereas you know when you see this stuff, when you see

behaviour of rich people you're always like God that's really bizarre to me. I grew up with a friend who was quite well off and her parents would buy her real designer stuff like Chloe and Dior and she had a Louis Vuitton and that kind of stuff. When you were at school? When we were at high school. What? And I always remember being like, oh my God, that's wild. And it's such a strange thing, but in their world it was

very normal. And I was wearing a bloody torn apart glasses t-shirt. It's weird though, setting your kids up. Like, because that's you've instilled that in them, right? Being like, these are important things. Like, I'm going to give you this expensive handbag and other people don't have

that and that shows that we're a league above them. Yeah, I i guess that's a weird thing yeah i will say like whenever when we all got our first cars when we like left high school i got a 1992 mitsubishi mirage and beautiful one door a different color yes the window didn't go down and i was a smoker so we're absolutely stuck i'm gonna imagine you have a durry in your school uniform. Having a durry in my, no, no, no, no, this is after I left. Oh, right, okay. Wink. And she got a brand new car.

She got a brand new Mazda. She got a brand new, wow, okay. And I remember just being like, man, it's so crazy, like, being that rich. And I, like, you know, like, we didn't struggle, but it was just, it's just those moments where your rich friends do something that's a bit obscure. It was the 92 Mitzi Mirage where Mitzi first put a bit of a curve to it. Because it was a very square. It does, because it might have been one of these ones.

And that was, oh my God, those are classic. Classic Mitsis. It was so good, man. It was so good. Okay. I wondered if we could take some calls, though, about, because we all know someone that's a bit You know

Bloody A bit more well off than us Like what did your What gift did your rich friend get? Maybe they received it like this They received some Lady Prada football Or they brought They bought a gift for someone

That just seems like a little bit extra A little bit next level Yeah Like when did you know your friend was really rich? Yeah You know like I I know your friend was really rich? Yeah. You know, like I know someone who she has a bracelet and most girls will know it's the Cartier bracelet that everyone like loves. And I was like, oh my

God, I love those. And I looked it up. It was $18,000. What? And she got it for her 40th birthday. Not in Bali, it's not. If you don't mind a little bit of a reaction to the skin. Yes, because I've got a Chartier bracelet. Yes. It's just one small If you don't mind a little bit of a reaction to the skin. Yes, because I've got a chartier bracelet. Yes. But that's what I'm saying. Beauty is pain.

And the pain is your flesh reacting violently to the cheap metal. To the imitation cheap metal, yeah. Okay, all right. Well, you want to take some calls. 0800-DARLS-IT-M-9696. What gift did your rich friend get? That just blew your mind. That you're just like, what?

Like how the other half lived. We'll take some calls. Anonymous, what gifts did your rich friends get? Okay, so a bit of a backstory. My friend from primary school is quite the nerd. She loved Minecraft. Yeah. And one day she said, oh, do you want to come to my birthday?

I was like, sure. So I went to her place and we had a little birthday party and her parents had like this thing that was covered underneath like a black sheet. Yeah. And I thought, oh, it must be the cake. And then they basically lifted it and it was a bunch, like maybe three different kinds of axolotls. Ooh.

Yeah. Oh, because axolotls are in Minecraft, right? Yeah, yeah. So I was like, what is that? Because I was like 10 years old. I had no idea what an axolotl was and I'd never played Minecraft. Yeah.

But yeah, I was like, oh my goodness, it was bizarre. They're quite expensive. Wait, so is that all she got for her birthday? Are they expensive? Yuck. What's that? Are they expensive, are they?

I think so. I think you have to order them online or overseas. I'm not too sure. Yeah, they're really weird. They're weird. Yeah, they're weird. But then one day the next year she showed up to school

wearing this belt and it was a Gucci belt. An 11-year-old? Yes. And I was like, I knew what Gucci was but she didn't even know what it was.

No, that's when you know you're rich. When you don't even know how rich it is. Wow, anonymous. $29.99 for an oxalittle. Oh, okay. At thefishroom.co.nz if anyone's in the, it's a free plug there for the fishroom.

Okay, so they're not expensive. But it's a bit bouge though, isn't it? Yeah, a bit bouge to get a Mexican walking fish. Somebody said, my uncle bought a Saab red convertible. And then a few months later, he was like, I'm over this car and bought himself a Mercedes. So my cousins got to drive a red Saab convertible to school and they all got their license and everyone was like, they must be wealthy. And they would complain about it because it was an annoying car to drive. So it was that sort of.

I remember when Saab was like, whoa, the brand. Yeah. The car brand. In 1998, I was living in Brunei as a young teen. A girl in my class who was a distant niece of the Sultan of Brunei had a birthday party and gave out $1,000 JVC video cameras as party favors. My friend went to the party and we used that camera to make cool rollerblading videos afterwards. Oh, my God.

Wow. My friend got a plane from her dad as a gift for getting her flying license. A plane? A plane. Of course. That is nuts. I just wanted a horse, you know. I just wanted a horse.

A friend of mine got a racehorse for her 18th birthday. Meanwhile, I got a pair of rollerblades. Both modes of transport. Are you reading the one about the top text about perception? Stilts? Yeah. We'll get to that in just a moment. We're talking about rich people and the gifts they get off the back of some Kardashian with some ridiculous soccer ball.

But this is the text that just came in that Hayley and I are very tickled by. It's all about perception, I guess. Mum used to make our Christmas presents. Like one year we got stilts made out of spaghetti cans and string. That's what we used to do. We used to make those. You ever made one year we got stilts made out of spaghetti cans and string. That's what we used to do. We used to make those. You ever made those? And you know what's fun?

You hold them in clip, clop, clip, clop, clip, clop. Dude, I remember those. Isn't there an ad with the All Blacks at the moment and they're doing that? I saw something like strings and cans. Is it a Weet-Bix one? Yeah, I think it's a Weet-Bix one or something. Oh yeah, where they're collecting the cards or something. That's a classic gift.

And you can think about the love and the effort that mum put into these stilts. Or, now I reckon mum got a little OTP and spent your Christmas money on a box wine. Probably. And then just had to make do.

You know what, way more fun than a Gucci belt. But then their rich friends, the year that we got spaghetti can and string stilts, my rich friends got fluffy My Cum hair puppies. Those are those ones

that were like, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, stilts, my rich friends got fluffy my cum hair puppies. Those were those ones that were like and they'd walk like really. And then they'd do a backflip. Oh yeah. Did you have the one that did the backflip? Nah, but I remember the answer. My sister had the one that did the backflip. I had this little bear and it would just walk and it would go I'm not rich. My sisters would go backflip.

Anyway. Animatronics, great for the day. Oh, fantastic for the day. Somebody said, hey, have you got a pair of stilts with cans joined with a string? That's two toys in one because then you can play telephone with it. It's a phone. It's a phone. That's right. It's basically an iPhone.

Yeah. My friend's daughter just turned 10, posted photos on Instagram of her outside the Gucci store and then with a bag and a hat, probably about $2,500. What? She's going to lose that at school. My friend's daughter just turned 10, posted photos on Instagram of her outside the Gucci store and then with a bag and a hat, probably about $2,500. What? She's going to lose that at school. That's so stupid. That's ridiculous.

Someone's going to steal it. When is it? King's College in Auckland. Here we go. Here we go. Here we go. He's lining up the big shot here. Here we go.

We're talking about the rich elite here. Got a brand new Porsche 911 for his first car. He was on as restricted. How do you insure a Porsche 911? Well, that's just a Porsche. You've got to be rich. Bottom end European sports cars, you know. You've got to be rich, though.

If you were a really rich dad, you'd buy me a Lamborghini. Pull that sort of stuff on your dad. Yeah. And I think you're the alpha of your group, dad, because your mate's kids are driving Lambos. And then dad's got a really small penis, and dad's, like, got too much money. But, you know, he's wearing a make Ardun go away hat.

And he's like, I won't be well shamed. Buy my son a Lamborghini. That text is just coming in full caps and I can't read. That's going to need some time to break down a little bit later on. My witch friend. Okay, Vaughn, use your words. My rich friend brought me a helicopter trip to Waiheke and back for my 22nd birthday. Felt like real snobs landing at the vineyards and everyone's expecting someone famous to exit the chopper and you get out and they just look at you like, who's that?

Yes. Brilliant. I just saw a text that said a girl I went to school with got three Mercedes crashed one got another one drowned that one what does that mean drowned she crashed it into the ocean

she got a third one and then for her 21st birthday got gastric bypass surgery that's a lot of money wow my friend is I mean, that's just, that's a lot of money. Wow. Wow. My friend is part of a very well-known, wealthy New Zealand family. They had numerous batches around New Zealand. On her 21st birthday, she got gifted the keys to the one in the Marlborough Sounds.

Oh, darling. Oh, darling. Lovely. That's absolutely lovely. I got a mirror key for my 21st, so stick that up your bum. A mirror key. Everyone wrote on the back. I've got a Shakespeare complete works.

Oh, did you? Oh, it must be. Play ZM's Fletchford and Ailey. Play ZM. ZM's 25K Cash Catcher. Oh, it's a busy show. It's a busy show. We're just giving it all away, aren't we? Our $25,000 Cash Catch-Up. Oh, it's a busy show. It's a busy show. We're just giving it all away, aren't we?

Our $25,000 Cash Catch-Up. It's super easy to play. Mel joins us to play this morning. Good morning, Mel. Hi, guys. Now, we've got Cashy. Yeah, Cashy's running. And Cashy has an explosive device around themselves.

Now, the IRD, the evil IRD in this situation, will set off the explosives at some stage, putting an end to the cashie. Yeah. Which is not normally how the IRD work. I feel like we're tarnishing the good people of the IRD. No, they very much want to put an end to cashies. Oh, cash, yeah, cash jobs. Yeah, so this is cashie.

It's a metaphor, if you will. And cashies running, trying to accumulate more and more value for you to take home, Mel. So you've got to say stop when you want to lock in that dollar amount. Because the IRD set up the explosive, no one gets anything. They've officially put an end to cashies. You lose. Are you ready, Mel?

Yep, I'm ready. All right. Let's do it. Ready. Yee-hoo. Go. Wahoo. 34.

Wahoo. Cash for cashies. 92. Yee-haw. 176. Dollar making holla. Go, cashies, go. 241.

Yee-hoo. 305. I'm working for my! 241. 305. I'm whipping for money. 305. $305, Mel. Well, that's amazing. You grabbed Cashy before the explosion. Wow.

Okay, let's lock in $305. Let's see how much Cashy could have got you. $422. Ooh, getting risky. $511. Ooh, too bad. Not bad, I reckon. Not bad.

You did well, Mel. Congratulations. I'm happy with it. Thank you. $305. All yours. That's amazing. Thank you so much.

We've got $25,000 cash to give away. So we play each day at 8, 12 and 4. So Georgia, with your next chance at midday, make sure you're listening. Well, today is the day that tickets go on sale. They go on sale soon at 11am. All the details are at ZM Online. It's an incredible line-up. Boys to Men, Flo Rida, Callie Rowland, JoJo,

Travie McCoy, Baby Bash and more. And headlining, Jason Derulo. And he is joining us on Zoom now. Good morning, Jason Derulo. Good morning, good morning. How y'all doing? Jason, I've got to ask you, and I don't want to objectify you,

but you are wearing a singlet and you're looking amazing. Do you eat carbohydrates? Like, when's the last time you ate a sandwich or like a bano donut? I really try to limit my carbs because I prioritize protein. So I'm always trying to, you know, just feed my muscles as much as I can.

And, yeah, but I do eat carbohydrates. I do eat sugar, but everything in moderation. But my main source of food is protein, for sure. Because how do you get that bit, eh? How do you get the bubbly bit on the side? Yeah, I know. How do you, ba-doop, ba-doop? I think about that when I go back for another little bit of cake out of the fridge.

I just take a little bit more cake, a little bit more cake. Yeah, you're doing it wrong. I'm doing it wrong. I should be prioritising protein. Cake is good, though. Cake is good, yeah. We've got lots of cake here. Yeah, we do.

You'll be back here soon. How many times have you been to New Zealand? Will this be your, like, 10th time? I think something like that. Yeah. From 7 to 10, I would say. Are you like Ed Sheeran and Jason Momoa, like, that love this place so much,

you'd ever consider living here? I really do love it. I really do think it's one of the more beautiful places in the world. I mean, I think that whole region, honestly, is just a way better region in terms of people, in terms of people, in terms of beauty, in terms of food, the quality of food. Even like eating carbs,

I feel like it's different there than it is here. You know? I feel like I have some bread over there in Beeson Street. You know, over here, you have one piece of bread go to sleep for a few days and in America all the cheese is really orange why is all the cheese orange? that's preservatives

oh okay that's the colour of a appointment and you've just been spending a bit of time in Australia as well because you're going to be on the new season of The Voice Australia yeah yeah really excited about that spending some real time You've just been spending a bit of time in Australia as well because you're going to be on the new season of The Voice Australia. Yeah, yeah. Really excited about that. Spending some real time, again, in that region.

And, you know, putting my feet in the dirt. You know, I've done a lot of touring over there, obviously, and done a ton of shows. But to get some real time, the coffee is better over there. It's like, damn, Jason is really going on hard he might be moving here soon it's great we know we can get you for a gift basket you know coffee

cheese, coffee, cheese, some protein cheese to a new house I'm going to ask on the voice does the button that you push really trigger the seat to turn around or is there like an intern that turns it oh nah the button definitely trigger the seat to turn around or is there like an intern that turns it? Oh, no. The button definitely triggers the seat to turn around.

Okay. But they also have another button underneath that brings out a snack tray. Oh, yes. Yeah. Whether you want like some chips or like some steak, they got like different things you can push. Oh, the button. Protein button.

A steak button. Man, I don't ask much of a studio, but a steak button would rule. Yeah. Steak buttons. If we had steak buttons, we could have shoulders like Jason. Yeah. Well, I believe he may also put in some hard work. No, it's all about the protein.

He said it himself. No mention of the intense gym routine. Yeah. Well, we're really looking forward to it man and you you know a lot of people on the line up

have still been dipping a toe in music but you're like releasing new music constantly and you've been a busy man touring around

so appreciate that you can find time to get on the schedule and come on down to New Zealand yeah no absolutely I think it's going

to be a lot of fun I think it's going to be a brilliant precursor to a lot more to come. As you know, that region is one of my favorites in the world. I didn't just open up a store or restaurant or something crazy. Yeah. Oh, my God.

Steak button. You're Jason's steak button. You just press it and it comes to your table. Oh my God. Steak button. You're Jason's steak button. You just press it and it comes to your table. And protein comes. There's nothing else, so the button just basically summons steaks.

Oh my God, that's perfect. That's a great idea. Hey, Jason, we'll see you in November. Can't wait, guys. Thanks so much. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley.

Now, we can say this now that he's gone. He was jacked in a singlet, in a white singlet. I feel he knows he's jacked, though. He knows he's jacked, yeah. Well, we can say this now that he's gone. He was jacked in a singlet, in a white singlet. I feel he knows he's jacked, though. He knows he's jacked, yeah. Well, we've all seen the photos, haven't we?

Friday's live tickets go... I mean, he didn't ask you what your gym routine is. You're looking jacked at the moment. You're looking swell. Thanks, thanks. He didn't ask me how my steps challenge is going. He didn't know. He didn't ask me how my reverse diet's going.

I mean, the results speak for themselves. You are looking good. Plump. Friday's live tickets on sale this morning at 11 o'clock. Also, in studio, we've got nine red bags on the floor. Captain's packs from Flight Centre. And yesterday, we gave away $1,000 of Flight Centre gift cards. And a whole lot of other nice stuff.

Yes, a whole lot of other stuff in our Captain's Pack. So if you'd like to win one, keep listening because in the next 20 minutes there's an activator and you can pick a number between 1 and 10, except 5, and you could win as well. All sorts of different amounts in there. So listen out for that activator.

Do you know, I read this stat that it's been 1,825 days on average that 40% of Americans have seen their doctor. That's wild. So broken down into years, that's five years. You're too

much of a hypochondriac to go five years long. I'm not too much of a hypochondriac. You are a hypochondriac. I haven't been for a while. I can't remember the last time you thought you were dying. No, the last time I went and saw like a doctor, proper doctor was when. Doctor, doctor, doctor, doctor, anything please? Was my colonoscopy. Oh, yeah.

My colonoscopy. Yeah, okay. I went for one of those ones. Do you have to get another one? They're hounding me like when can we do it? And I'm like, ugh. There's got to be a better way to do the flush. Can't they just jam a garden hose up my derriere when I get there?

Yeah, it takes too much time. That's the worst part about it. I love those spaghetti drugs. Is it because in America people are not going to the doctor in five years because it's, like, so expensive? It's insane. And if you don't have health insurance. Because what did it cost you to going to the doctor in five years because it's like so expensive. It's insane. And if you don't have health insurance, it's like,

because what did it cost you to go to the doctor when you did it through travel insurance? It was 600 and something US dollars. Just to see a doctor. To go to the doctor. August and I did one appointment because the guy was like, oh, you're from overseas

and you've both obviously got the same thing. Yeah. So he tested me, came back in, said you've got strep throat, go to the pharmacy, get some the same thing. Yeah. So he tested me, came back in, said, you've got strep throat, go to the pharmacy, get some of this stuff. Yeah. And then just relax. Yeah.

And yeah, it was $650 US dollars. $650 US dollars. No wonder no one's going to the doctor. Yeah. In America. It was nuts. But yeah, that's the most common reason because people can't afford it. The other ones are anxiety about,

about tests like blood tests, needles, that kind of stuff. Yeah. And just general fear of receiving bad news. It, you, it's going to,

the news is the news, whether you enjoy receiving it or not. Yeah. And bad news earlier is better than bad news later, right? Like it could be something fixable. Did I hear earlier stats before that cervical smear numbers are down? Don't do that.

Oh, maybe. Okay, you're right. What's the people getting the smears, the numbers are dropping away? That's a killer. Oh, no, don't do that. Don't do that. That's a killer, that one. Don't do it.

Go on, get it. Anyway, we were talking about this a little bit off air, and then our very own producer, Jared, admitted that it has been quite some time since he's popped to the doctor. How long, JP? About eight or nine years, I think, closer to nine. But then if you've got no reason to go to the doctor, that's... But what about when you were a single player?

I went to the STD checker. But that's not technically the GP or the doctor, is it? You just go and just do the tests. Thank you, Jared. Good for you. Good for you that you did that. But you haven't actually been to your general GP for like a health check-up?

No, I don't think I'm actually part of a GP anymore. What, you don't even have a doctor? No, I think... No, you don't think I'm actually part of a GP anymore. What, you don't even have a doctor? No, I think, oh, no, you will be. Because I've moved to like a completely different part of the world. I know that you'll still be registered to that old doctor that you probably haven't seen since you were 10, 12. Since I was at radio school, yeah. Okay, wow.

Oh my God. How is it that you drink like 800 litres of energy drink a week and you haven't been to the doctor in five years? Well, I've been to the hospital to have kidney stones. He just went straight there. Okay, so you have seen a doctor in the last five years, but... Yeah. Okay, right.

Not a general practitioner. His practice, however, he keeps up. Because his middy's, you know, training to be an hygienist. Yeah. Okay. Doing well. because his middy's, you know, training to be an hygienist. Yeah. Okay. Doing well. That's so wild, though, that you haven't been to a doctor. I suppose if you don't need to go, you don't go.

Yeah, 100%. Why would you? No, we're just popping in for a hello. Hell no. I used to pop in and just touch base on things. Really? No way. That was your friendly doctor.

We met that doctor. She's lovely. You would just pop in for a yarn, wouldn't you? Unless your doctor's like, you're of an age now where you need to have a test and then you go and they're like, oh, no, we need to monitor that every six months. Why would you go to the doctor? Yeah. Yeah.

You've been in a waiting room? Sick people everywhere. Oh, my God, it's so boring as well. Oh, yeah, and the magazines are never up to date. Never. Oh, my God, if Princess Diana dies, you're like, yep, I remember. I remember.

Play it. C.D.M.'s Fletch Vaughan and Hayley. Fact of the day, day, day, day, day. Do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do- I thought the theme of this week's Fact of the Day could be just how big the ocean is. It makes me feel unwell, though. It doesn't have a good ring to it. Honey Badger Week.

Honey Badger Week. It was Wind Week. Big Ocean Week. Big Ocean Week. Yeah. Big Ocean Week. I like that. Humongous Ocean Week.

Vast Ocean Week. The Vast Ocean Week. The Ocean of Vastness Week. The Ocean of Vastness Week. The Vastness of Ocean Week. Vast Ocean Week? The Vast Ocean Week. The Ocean of Vastness Week. The Ocean of Vastness Week. The Vastness of Ocean something. Vast Ocean Week. Vast Ocean Week. Vast Ocean Week it is.

Okay. Vast Ocean Week. Well, let me tell you, I need to introduce to you, ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, everybody out there, the biosphere today. The biosphere is a narrow zone on Earth where soil, water and air combine to sustain life. We live in it. Yes.

We couldn't survive outside of it. Earth. Earth is a biosphere? Not all of Earth. Oh, okay. Yeah. Life can occur in the zone known as the biosphere from fungi to bacteria to large animals.

There are lots of different types of life. Yep. In the biosphere. I can tell you that the ocean contains 99% of the world's livable biosphere. For every livable area outside of the ocean,

there's nearly 100 of them in and under the ocean. Wow, that's a lot. So you think about everything you've ever seen on Earth, whether are people, animals, or forest, cave systems,

everything, a live that can support any form of life, fungal, bacterial, mammal, reptilian, birds, everything. For every part above the ocean And around on land

There are 99 times that I don't like that Under there Yeah What is it doing under there? What's happening? You know I'm not I don't like that

And 94 94% of the earth's wildlife Are found in the ocean That's wild 94% Considering how much is on land Yeah Wow

Wow It's all We were up here We're like look at that That's wild, considering how much is on land. Yeah. Wow. We're up here. We're like, look at that. That's fire. You're up top of a mountain. You look around and all you can see is land. Imagine being in the ocean. Well, no thanks.

Yeah, this is quite a... I don't know if I like Vast Ocean Fact of the Day. You wait. Vast Ocean Fact of the Day week tomorrow takes a dark turn. Oh, no. That makes me feel upset. It's too big. It's a big old place. So today's Fact of the Day is the ocean contains,

also last night when I was doing my, because I've done the whole week of facts. Oh, have you? I felt like a teacher planning out my week. See, we do work hard at home. You just don't see it. I was boozed while I was doing it too, and that really made me feel like a teacher.

Yeah. I had a couple of drinks after a hard day We can always tell when Warren's had a couple of drinks On the group chat can't we We start sending rogue things What did I send last night Something inappropriate I remember sending somebody to the group chat yesterday

I'd be like I don't know if that's appropriate Oh it was that I had not done the The silly little pole slider scale correctly Yeah that was not But then I hadn't done the the silly little pole slider scale correctly. Yeah. Yeah, that was not. But then I hadn't done it wrong in the end things anyway. You'll have to listen to our podcast if you missed that part of the show

earlier in the show. Yes, you will. But today's fact of the day. Meanwhile, and look forward to them for the rest of the week in Vast Ocean, fact of the week.

The ocean contains 99% of the world's livable biosphere. Fact of the day day, day, day, day. Yeah. Okay, I'm excited for this. This is a phone-in topic we think is impossible. No one's going to call.

Now... It's cool. It's... And the story that leads to it is bad. I've always wanted to, I'll say it, deploy or run over road spikes. Deploy would be me. Why would you want to run over them?

It would be terrifying. Like, in a controlled, in a controlled condition. Yeah, yeah, yeah. If the New Zealand police, the highway division, do this as any sort of training activity, count me in. You want to be in the passenger seat, or you want to be driving?

No, no, I want to be driving. Okay. And then, then like deploy spikes across the road and I'm like he's really thought of this he really has maybe it's a guy thing

because I would want to do that too is this another thing that guys think about like your favourite war yes what would I do if I had road spikes World War 2 it's Grand Theft Auto's to blame. It is, yeah.

Because I would also like to try to evade the New Zealand police force. Not really. I would just like to give it a go. Okay. Like that show, Hunted, that's on, where they set you free and they start hunting you. I like that. Or like that guy who's just taking his kid's bush for a year. No, Cold.

Cold and wet. That guy's cold and wet. So a teenager was, the Dunedin police tried to stop a teenager driving a BMW. He did not stop. The 18-year-old was then involved in a police chase that ended in road spikes. Naughty man. And that's what got me thinking, impossible phononer, have you ever run over road spikes? Maybe because there must be rules to deploying road spikes. Like you surely just can't deploy them willy-nilly,

otherwise sign me up. Yeah. Because they're spring-loaded, right? Yeah, I've seen them deploy them. Spring-loaded? Yes. Spring-loaded so when they drop them or pull the thing, they go and flick across the whole road.

Or do they pull a rope? Or do they chuck them? I've seen them chuck them sometimes. That's what chuck them is. Yeah, I've seen them chuck them. Oh, my God, it looks so much fun. Like a lasso. Yeah.

Yeah. But so you want to hear from someone that's gone over road spikes. That's run over road spikes. That is stopped by road spikes. That is today's impossible phone. Have you driven over road spikes. That is stopped by road spikes. That is today's impossible phone. Have you driven over road spikes? This is niche, guys. This is really niche.

You may have been in a car when someone that you didn't really know was driving and they were naughty and they were road spiked, or you might have been in a car and they were trying to get the car in front of you and they dodged and then you hit the road spikes. Also, I went to the Pinnacles a few weeks ago and there's a car park there with those anti, like if you drive the wrong way, they spike your tyres. Oh, yeah, yeah.

Like they have them in a lot of campgrounds. They're big overseas. They're ruthless. Like, because if you didn't see them, all your tyres are flat. Yeah. Yeah. And not just flat. Destroyed. Yeah, are we counting those? And not just flat.

Destroy. Yeah, are we counting those? No. No road spikes. Although I would like to hear stories about who lived. Nah, because that's accidental. Yeah, yeah.

That's like, oopsie-daisy, we weren't paying attention, it was dark, we drove the wrong way over them. I'd still love to do that though, drive over those. Just love to talk to someone

who's been stopped by road spikes. Okay, well I think this could be our first ever impossible photo. Or if you're a police... Could we accept... Nah, because heaps of police officers would have stopped people with road spikes. Would they have trained? But technically they have gone over them if they've trained.

Do you really think as part of the training they get to drive over road spikes? Well, it's like tasers. They have to taser each other, don't they? Oh, yeah, they do. Do they? Or is that like a myth? That might have been urban legend. Okay. All right,? Oh. Oh, yeah, they do. Do they? Or is that like a myth? That might have been urban legend. Okay.

All right, well, 0800DARLS at M. We want to take your calls now. You can text through 9696. Will this be our first ever impossible phoner? Have you driven over road spikes? Been stomped by road spikes? This is what happens when we leave the boys on their own in studio. This is a great impossible phoner.

Road spikes. This could be right up there with when you didn't land on a runway. Or when did you die? Or when did you die? That was also very good. Okay, 0800DARLS.M, give us a call. And today, have you ever gone over road spikes? I think this could be my favourite ever impossible phone-in topic.

Well, Anonymous joins us. Good morning, Anonymous. I believe you're a road spike expert. I wouldn't say expert, but I've dabbled in it a few times. What side of the road spikes? Stop her or stop me? I wouldn't say expert, but I've dabbled in it a few times. What side of the road spikes? Stopper or stoppy? Trying to be the stopper.

So I'm a police officer and I've thrown them out a few times. Rad. Okay, so... Rad, rad, rad. In what situation? Quiet suburban street, busy urban motorway? I've done it on quiet streets in the middle of the night, or I've done one at sort of 8 a.m. in the morning on a motorway off-ramp.

Oh, my gosh. So when you throw them out, is it your throw that gets it across the road, or does it, like, have a kind of a thing that makes it roll out? No, it's your throw or it's your, you pull it. So there's ropes that are attached to it. So you either pull it or you throw it out. Right.

So depending on the situation. So the off-ramp one, I set them up on the other side of the road with a rope and I hid behind a crane. The car was coming. And then, unfortunately, I got two. I got the target vehicle and then I got a civilian

because he was trying to be a hero. Collateral damage, baby. Collateral damage. We can afford, as taxpayers, we can afford four new tires, Rick. Forget about it. Wow, okay. Don't you feel bad about that? But you ended up getting the people. Yep, yep. So we got feel bad about that? But you ended up getting the people. Yep, yep. So we got all four tyres,

and then they've been stopped further down the road. How fast were they going when they hit their road spikes? About 40, 50 kilometres. Okay, not super fast. Is it like if they're going too fast, you are still allowed to use road spikes? It's all up to your own assessment. Yeah, right.

So if they're going 150. I'd justify it. I'd slam my badge and my gun down on the desk of the sergeant and I'd be like, I'm too rogue for your unit, sergeant. I don't know. That's how movies work. I don't think that happens in New Zealand. We're all very stupid.

I need to have a more. What do you want, criminals or results? As part of your training, have you driven over road spikes? Is that a thing? You drive over them but they're training ones so they don't have any effect. Oh, I don't know if we can accept this then for the impossible photo.

But I have been following the vehicle and an officer has got too excited and thrown them out and spiked police cars. That's so... We've had a couple of text messages

from people who were like, when I was in the police force, they didn't get the guy they were chasing, but they got us following them closely in the patrol car. Yeah, yeah.

So I've been in the police, I've been driving and the officer's misthrown them and they've got our car so then we've had to pull over and be out of it. Okay, so technically

you have driven over the spikes then? Yes. Yes, okay. We'll take it. We out of it. So technically you have driven over the spikes then? Yes. Yes, okay, well there we go, we can take it. It's not the impossible phone and topic. Amazing, Anonymous, thank you very much for sharing. So interesting. If you have driven over road spikes, 0800 DALS at M, 9696

we'll get to, have we got some more messages we can get to next? Yep. Yes! It's not impossible. It was not impossible. It was not impossible. The impossible phone-in topic. It's not impossible because it's happened. We've found people. YouTube studio are loving this.

God, have you ever been taken out by road spikes? Have you driven over road spikes? Yeah. I hit road spikes. Can you buy road spikes on AliExpress? Open new tab. No. Vaughn, you can't deploy road spikes yourself.

You can hear them coming down my road. You can hear them coming. And they're driving it far too fast. Now, if they came around the corner and they saw me waving, hi, there's Vest, of course, and they didn't stay down to deploy road spikes. AliExpress and Timu do ones that look like ninja, like, um... How would you describe those?

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And you use handfuls of them, you throw them onto the road. Like tiny little anti-tank things that they put on the beaches of Normandy. Yes, like that. Tiny, tiny little tacks. Yeah. The tacks that can't,

they've always got a sharp thing facing up. Timu, 1895, how do they do things so cheap? They are out of control. China, right? little tacks. Yeah. The tacks that can't, they've always got a sharp thing facing up. Team LA, 1895. How do they do things so cheap? They are out of control. China, right? Yeah. China.

China. China. So we're talking about if you've ever been stopped by road spikes. I was driving a police car that was spiked by another police officer by accident.

We also heard that before. Yeah. This seems to happen a little bit. Happens a lot, yeah. I hit the road spikes. Sorry, what was that? The timing must be hard for the person setting it out. If they were really flying it,

you'd almost be on the radio being like, back off, I'm going to spike it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, you'd think there would be some communication. But then do we throw the road spikes on one or after one? Three, two, one, throw. No, three, two, one, throw. Yeah, three, two, one, throw.

Three, two, okay, yep. Or one, two, three. No, three, two, one, throw. Yeah, three, two, one, throw. Three, two, okay. Yep. Or one, two, three. No, no, no. One, two, three, throw. One, throw. Oh, yes. You can see how this happens.

I hit road spikes when the cop was trying to get the person behind me. Set off the spikes a little prematurely. Still pretty fun to run over road spikes, though. Yes. The bad guy was trying to overtake this is the bad guy. Everybody would imagine a bad guy. Okay. He was trying to overtake me on a single lane road. The police set off the road spikes

and popped all four of my tyres. Got four brand new tyres and premium tyres paid for by the government. You would. You'd get the top of the range tyres. You certainly wouldn't get another set of cheap retrace. You bet baby. Are they good tyres? I don't know. Sure. Yeah, you would. You'd get the top of the range tyres. Oh, you certainly wouldn't get another set of cheap retrace. You bet, baby. Are they good tyres? I don't know. Sure. Yeah, fire, fire,

firestone, baby. Yeah. Firestone. Yep. Used to be in the police, you either throw the spikes or set them up on the side of the road, run them across and then pull the rope. Oh, and also, no tasering each other, but they did let us spray each other with the pepper spray at police college. Oh, fun.

Not sure if you're allowed to do that anymore. It was 10 years ago. No, they don't do hazing anymore. No, it wasn't hazing. It was training. Oh, okay. My son's in the police force and they don't taser each other, but many rookies apparently accidentally

zap themselves while training, much to the delight of others. How do they do that? That's another phone-up for another day. Have you been tasered? Yes, I love that one. Yes. Love that one.

Oh, so this goes on. The person that got all four tyres popped and replaced by the government. Yep. Continues. But because the bad guy was in the inside lane, I hit the spikes and got in the way, so I actually stopped the spikes going all the way across the road. So technically the bad guy just passed through zero damage.

Effectively, I was assisting his getaway. Yeah, wow. Oh, no. That's not a good day for the police, is it? Morning, I've worked in the tyre industry and we had to save the police the old tyres so they could use them for the road spike training. Oh, that makes sense.

Okay, where do they do this training because we need to be invited along? I've heard Manfield Race Circuit in Fielding. The New Zealand Police train deploying road spikes at Manfield Race Circuit in Fielding. Do they pop up from the police college? Must drive up. Yeah, okay. Yeah, because the police college is in Potirua.

Yeah, okay. Yeah, because the police college is in Potirua. It's not that far away. Okay. We need to find out what day that is and get it. Well, I'd be in Fielding right now. I could go. I could go and just see. Well, I'm airfielding right now. I could go. I could go and just see.

Well, they don't do it every day. So Greg, who messaged in about saving the old tyres for the police, said the road spokes look like arrowheads with gaps, so the air just hisses out. Oh. And we used to change about 20 tyres a week for the police. Now, that was 25 years ago. Things may have changed.

Greg, if the political parties or anything go by, crime just seems to be getting worse and worse and worse and worse. It stays the same or gets worse. I actually held on to a few of the spikes as mementos. Ooh. Cheers, Greg. See, this was a good impossible photo. It's tickled me.

Someone said the word you're looking for for the mini ninja star slash tank stopper is caltrops. Is that what they're called? C slash tank stoppers. Caltrops. Is that what they're called? Caltrops. Yes. Caltrops. Well, we wouldn't recommend just chucking those out because you could cause an accident. But I'm thinking the New Zealand police should have them in the boot of the car. And they press a button and they just pop out.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like Batman. Yeah, they're pretty much a Batman. It's basically Batman. Yeah, why are you guys more like Batman? Oh, I'm busting for a wheeze after that podcast, I'll tell you. It's a podcast. You are allowed to listen to it while you're wheeze.

There's no rules on when and where you're allowed to listen to a podcast. It just says here I'm busting for a wheeze. I read it, okay? I read it. Give us a review. ZM's Fletch Vaughan and Hayley.