ZM's Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley - Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley's Big Pod - 15th February 2024

Episode Date: February 14, 2024

Cornhole Scholarships  Silly Little Poll!  Top 6: Monkey Comedy  Hayley's Horny Book Club: Elliott Rose, Author of Sweet Inferno!  Vaughan's Cake Conundrum!  Hayley's Valentines Day  Fact of the Day Day Day Day Daaaaay!See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

The ZM Podcast Network. The Flesh, Fawn and Hayley Big Pod. Great Things at Brewing at McCafe. The perfect start to every day. Good morning, welcome to the show Flesh, Fawn and Hayley. It's two minutes past six. We'll keep you updated throughout the morning of the situation in Christchurch. With Bryn on the Port Hills. Crazy photos and video last night. When I first saw the photos, I thought it was a, I was like, I can't remember when it was last night, I thought it was like an anniversary of the event,

and then I saw, no, it's like a fresh one, and I was just bloody heartbroken for that community. So this is like a day after the anniversary? Shivers. It's terrible. Son of a beast. We'll keep you updated throughout the morning. There is a state of emergency in place, though.

I don't know how to segue into our Taylor Thursday after that. It's because it's quite serious news, isn't it? Do a medium news. You've done serious. What's a medium piece? And then we can remind you when it's Taylor Thursdays. I'm itchy. That's a piece of news.

What is that? I don't know. Everywhere. I've got a big rash on my neck. Are you sleeping in some kind of itchy blanket or bedding? No, I'm in my normal linens. Developed a new allergy, perhaps? Perhaps.

Fun? Yeah. Fun. Anyway, so that's Medium News. That's Medium News. I knew you were trouble when you were here. Welcome to Taylor Thursdays. You have arrived.

Keep listening all day for your final chance to last Taylor Thursday. So today, your last chance to go in the draw throughout the day to see her live in Sydney on the Errors Tour. Flights, tickets and accommodation. And it's getting, it's real because so many people, I know so many people that have already left for Melbourne are leaving today. We've got our friends. Carwin's gone.

Yeah, Carwin's gone. Producer Carwin's ready for her. Like, how many tickets has she got? Eight? Yeah, I just emailed Ross Boss and got a response back. Gone. And out of office. Out of office.

Our friends are off today. Gone. So your last chance. So if you've just joined ZM, you don't know how it works. Every time we play a Taylor Swift song from now until 5.30 this afternoon, you've got to be the first caller through. 0800-DARLZM when that song plays. If we answer the phone and pick you out, you are in the draw this afternoon with Bree and

Clint and they will call back the winner at 5.30 this afternoon. It's as easy as that. Well, it's not easy. We've only got one pass left. Yeah, that engaged tone is driving people crazy. I know. But that's just how the game works, and our first Taylor Swift song this morning is just minutes away.

Is it now? Next on the show, though, we want to talk about an unusual scholarship. Because did you ever get a scholarship? I applied for them and then when it came to doing the exams I got lazy, I couldn't be bothered so I didn't do it and I just had to pay for university. What was your scholarship for? Drama. Draming. You could have got a scholarship for it.

Yeah. And then I was like oh. My mum would have put a foot up my ass. I know. But also she'd probably be thankful that I didn't because then I just would have wanted any money that she gave towards my siblings for their education as a cash equivalent. Well, next on the show,

University is offering a scholarship for a drinking game. I'd call it a drinking game. Is one of those shops L lush or are they doing a Salt burn bath bomb? Oh god no thank you That's not on brand That's not on brand for lush Or body to one of those like you know

Bath bomb places News out of America Two high school students and they're calling them Athletes have been awarded A scholarship to a university and it's a cornhole scholarship. Oh my god, we've got a cornhole board.

It's great, it's a great game. It's a fun game and I was the same, I was like, it's just a drinking game, like a backyard fun drinking game. But I recently watched some like cornhole championships. Was it on ESPN?

Yes, on ESPN. And it's pretty amazing. Like they're straight in the hole. I had no, because I was like, they're calling them athletes and they're getting university paid for them. It's got big darts vibe. Yes.

The cornhole champs. It's insane. I was just Googling the cornhole. It's like the American Cornhole League. It's professional. It's proper. I was just Googling the Cornhole. It's like the American Cornhole League. It's professional. It's proper. Like there's money to be won. I feel like Aaron could do this.

He's very good at Cornhole. But is it like anything when you're drunk? Like, you know, any game like pool, darts. There's a sweet spot. There's a sweet spot of drinking. Yeah, the Goldilocks sign. Yeah. Of drinking when it comes to any sort of game.

When it's just right. Yeah. Yeah. They take it very seriously. I had no idea it comes to any sort of game. When it's just right. Yeah. Yeah, they take it very seriously. I had no idea it was like a serious, so like they're paying for the university because they're good at cornhole. That's wild to me. Yeah.

What university was it? It's one in Colorado. Okay. University of Colorado. Colorado's in Denver? Yes. Denver, Colorado. No, Denver is in Colorado. Okay. University of Colorado. Colorado's in Denver? Yes. No, Denver is in Colorado. Winthrop University. Weed's legal there.

Winthrop, yeah. Okay, that's why. Winthrop University is the name. And yeah, apparently it's like First Division five-star cornhole recruits and it's National Signing Day. It was National Signing Day for cornhole. Did you know that?

No. Yeah, there you go. I'm just watching some cornhole champs now. This chick's pretty good. But it's so funny. You literally just underarm a sack of sand.

But it has to be like regulation everything, eh? Yeah, we don't play regulation. The boards are actually really far apart. Yeah. We don't play that. Do you go really close?

A little bit closer. A little bit closer. A little bit closer. Right. We made some over that. Do you go really close to? A little bit closer. A little bit closer. A little bit closer. Right. We made some over summer. Nice. Terrible. Oh, you made some.

No, no. I mismeasured how far the hole has to be from the top. Oh, no. No, you're good because you've got to have top. You've got to have sliding room. Yeah, you've got to have sliding room. It's so embarrassing you made your own. No, no.

We made it at a proper carpentry place. Okay. I've read Jake's, like, machine cut them out. Oh, okay, yeah, right. It was all legit, but we also made it out of this really slidey material

and then the only bags we could find at that time of the year were the $8 ones from Kmart, which are really small. Oh, no. So we call it K-Hole. Yeah, K-Hole. It stands for Kumu Hole.

Yeah. And it's just hard and it's too slidey and the bags are real slippery. Even if you hit the board, it'll still just skip straight over the hole. I was wondering when I was at a barbecue at your place, do you want to get in the K hole? And I was like, no way. Should we hit the K hole?

Absolutely not. I was like, no, thank you. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley. We'll have another chance before seven this morning. So many chances throughout the show this morning and today on ZM. Make sure you're listening out. Now, here's a relationship theory. Now, Vaughn, I imagine you do this

and I do it too, but I didn't realise what it is. Okay. It's called I'm the Captain Now. Like the movie, the Tom Hanks movie. I'm the Captain Now. Captain Phillips. Yeah. You basically have area captains In your relationship

Yeah So it could be Like for example In my relationship With Aaron I'm the kitchen captain Okay I cook

I know where everything goes I've laid out the kitchen I don't like when he Messes around in there Can he empty the dishwasher And put everything Back in the right place He can empty the dishwasher But it doesn't always Go back in the right place? He can empty the dishwasher,

but it doesn't always go back in the right place. Because I've set it out, and when, you know, like it's just... You're the kitchen captain. Yeah, but he's the lawn captain. Okay, you don't touch the lawn. I don't touch the lawns. Every now and then I'll help with the edging,

but that's it. I don't do that. Do a bit of edging, do you? We do. I'm the meat captain. You're the meat captain, exactly. So like Sade would make... And flame captain. S? We do. I'm the meat captain. You're the meat captain. Exactly. So like Sade would make. And flame captain.

If there's flames, I'm the captain. You know, it's dinners and pastas and whatnot. But when it comes to meat. I'll do the meat. I'm the meat captain. You do a few dinners as well, though. Yes, I do. Even if it aren't meat.

I'm sort of a vice captain. Oh, right. So you're co-captain? You're like the Green Party. Yeah, we're co-leaders. For diversity. That's where the problem I see because somebody needs to be captain. Yeah.

Someone needs to make the call. And so quite often you'll be arguing over what's for dinner. Yeah. Because no one's taking a leadership role. It's not good. You can't have two captains. Too many captains in the kitchen. Right.

Like, because the rule of the captain is you have complete control over that area of your life. Like, I'm the bed captain, for example. Oh, yep. I make the beds, and the way that I make them is the way that the beds should be made. I appreciate when Aaron makes the bed,

but it looks like a man made that bed. So when I make the beds, it's all nice. We need a dog captain. Yes, you do. I should be dog captain because I'm a disciplinarian. So the animals, the dogs, respect me. But then Sade lets them sneak inside. Yeah.

And I'm like, get out. And immediately they get out. Right. And also, I pick up all their poos. Yeah. And so the other day I said I think we're feeding the dogs too much because I picked up all the poos

and then the next morning there was like eight more shits on the lawn. I'm like, you're feeding them too much. They're shitting too much. Look at me, I'm the dog captain now. Feed them how much I say. You need to go home and you need to tell your woman that. I need to tell my woman I'm the captain.

I need to tell that woman. Well, who's the captain of the bedroom? Not me. Not me. I'm like on my woman I'm the captain. I need to tell that woman. Well, who's the captain of the bedroom? Not me. Not me. I'm like on a lifeboat in the bedroom. Help me. Rescue me, please.

You literally just said moments ago you're a disciplinarian. No, yeah. For the dogs. Oh, right, okay. For the dogs. Well, maybe you need to bring

that captain energy into the bedroom and make yourself bedroom captain. But also, if you're the captain of everything, doesn't it get tiring? No, but that's I'm the sleep captain. I'm the if you're the captain of everything, does this get tiring? No, but that's...

I'm the sleep captain. I'm the one who's like, time to go to bed. Turn off the iPad. Time to go. How long? And I'm that captain the next day when Shadow's like, tell me how it is to get to sleep.

I'd be like, oh, is it because your phone was three inches from your face for like two hours? That might have helped. You're a sleep captain as well. But what about a new, if you're starting out in a new relationship, you've got to feel that out for a while, don't you? You do. Because you don't want to jump You'll be your sleep captain as well. But what about a new, if you're starting out in a new relationship, you've got to feel that out for a while, don't you?

You do. Because you don't want to jump in and be the dinner captain and then find out, like, they're way better at dinner. Yeah, exactly. I'm the dishwasher captain. Oh, yes. Sometimes I'll just leave them on the bench because I'm just going to have to redo all of this.

Yeah. Because she doesn't rinse, eh? Shenanigans. Oh, she doesn't rinse. Shenanigans. Oh, she doesn't rinse. She doesn't like stack in the cutlery drawer right at the top. She doesn't put all the forks with all the forks. I've seen it. All the forks are going to stick together. I've seen it too.

I've seen it too. Oh, she done it. She done it, but you should seen it. It's bad. It's real bad. Aaron's uncomfortable conversation, Captain. You know when there's like, hey, can you go talk to the neighbours about their whatever? He goes and does it. Hey, can you ring that person and say how disappointed we are?

He's uncomfortable conversation captain. Yeah, no one wants to be that. No one wants to be that. That's the worst part about it. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley. Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley. Silly little po. Silly little po. It Hayley silly little poe silly little poe

It is so silly silly silly that the silly little poe silly little poe silly little poe silly little poe silly little poe

Bloody Uncle Murray's beat me to the punch on wishing Sade a happy birthday on her Facebook wall. Uncle Murray? Uncle Murray's up the bloody crack of dawn.

Did you not wake up Shards with a little happy birthday? I was going to take a photo because she looked real cute. She was asleep and she was on her back. But her T-shirt had come up and you could see her tummy and she just looked like a little kid. Like, out to it. But I didn't because I know that I'd end up getting in more trouble than it was worth. Yeah, no one wants to see that. But I gave her a kiss on the head, but it was one of those ones I do every morning.

Do you? Hold for applause. Even if I'm angry with her. Oh, she's shitty with me. I kissed her on the head. Hold for applause. Thank you. I'll kick Aaron when I'm annoyed at him.

Oh, really? In the middle of the night and be like, oh, the slave is dreaming. That's toxic. In the side. That's toxic. When I kissed her, it was one of those ones where she was like,

and she woke up. And then did you say, happy birthday? She's like, what? I was like, it's your birthday. Happy birthday. And was she like, F off? It's four o'clock in the morning. I was like, I'm off to work now.

I'll see you soon. She was like, just really confused. So happy birthday. But Uncle Murray straight away. Yeah, I don't know if that registered. Do you have plans for this afternoon? Because I was going to drop around a vat of one of the best cocktails I've ever made, Sade. That she gobbles up.

Oh, she loved it. Yeah. She is going for, and I have decided to pass. I got a council inspection today that I am not looking forward to. She is going to a seafood boil up with her dad for lunch. Oh, yum. Okay. I tastefully, I tastefully declined the invite.

Yeah. Right. Yeah. Apparently I'm not supporting their culture, but to me. Did you get the racist card pulled? Yeah, I got the racist card pulled. I, I don't need to have the squirts later. You know?

I've got some stuff. Yeah. We all know that you love a hot pot challenge. I've got a problem and I can't say no and I don't know when to stop. All right. Silly little poll. Do you work out with your partner? 21% of people said yes.

79% said no way. Me and Aaron used to and then we sort of. Did you do that thing where you'd kiss each other and do PDAs at the gym? Absolutely not. No, we'd work out at home. He would never come. He hates Les Mills. He's like, you need to lose like 30 kgs before you go there. I was like, no, you don't. No, you'd work out at home. He would never come. He hates Les Mills. He's like, you need to lose like 30 kgs before you go there.

I was like, no, you don't. No, you don't. But it is a bit grunty for him. It's a whole grunty thing. Yeah. Come on, everybody. Let's do it. Oh, my God.

You should be a trainer. Pedal it. Do your pedals. Do your pedals, everybody. Do your pedals. Why aren't you doing a deeper squat? Hold it. Hold it. Do your pedals. Do your pedals, everybody. Do your pedals. Why aren't you doing a deeper squat? Hold it. Hold it.

Yay. Yay. Squats. Dylan said yes because I need the motivation to get there. So there you go. That's nice. Dana, my husband is a qualified pit with a bachelor's in arseholery when we train together. I just can't.

It's a hard no for me. Oh, wow. Imagine you're the gym captain. You know when you accidentally say, I'm off to the gym. Tomorrow's a new day. I'm eating right now and your PT partner's like,

fantastic, let's go. You'd be like, no. Yeah. I'll see you agree I'm fat. See you agree. Christina said We tried to do One of those free Body jam classes By Les Mills on TV

During the COVID lockdown So I think I burned More calories laughing At his white man Lack of coordination Oh yeah That's not for us There you go

Get him into the gym And keep those calories burning Yeah Alana Davis It's nice to have something That's just mine Oh shivers Oh okay

But a private time. Okay. Sounds like you need to re-find yourself, you know? Who you are as an individual. Yeah. Oh, wow, that's deep. Not just one half of a whole. Samantha, who might have the longest name I've ever read.

Samantha Marshall Sutherland. Those are three long names. Yeah. And she's got the last two hyphenated there. There's no way she's fitting all those in a box when she's leaving the country. No way. Some of those boxes aren't even big enough for my name. I know. There's no way she's fitting all those in a box when she's leaving the country and has to fill it in. No way. Some of those boxes aren't even big enough

for my name. I know. I know. And when they make those boxes too small. I know. Oh yeah, you're going to squeeze

your letters. I'm a PT and I get really bossy and impatient and he sulks because I'm picking on him says Samantha Marshall-Sutherland. Yeah, that's fair.

Max says, absolutely not. Gym time is me time. Oh, okay. I like that fair. Max says, absolutely not. Gym time is me time. Oh, okay. I like that. Tony Anna says, I could never. My partner's one of those, you're doing it wrong, even if Winnie has no effing idea himself.

Oh, he's mansplaining. Oh, yeah. That's what that is. Mansplaining in the gym. Yes, online yoga most days to start the day. Always feel better for it, even if sometimes someone starts getting annoyed at the other. A little online yoga to start

their day. That's cute. Maddie, I love it. It's so much fun. We both help motivate each other and we want to be each other's cheerleaders. I absolutely love him being my workout partner. Yuck. It got a bit much. It got a bit much.

It's cute, but, you know, it got a bit much. It got a bit much. It's cute, but, you know, it got a bit much. That's a little poll. Play ZM's Fletchford and Hayley. Play ZM. Now, I used to watch Coronation Street because my parents watched it, and then when I moved in with Aaron's family when I moved to Auckland, his dad has watched it since the very first episode in 1960. Really? I think that's

all of it. That would be all of our exposure, right? Growing up. Yeah, yeah. Your parents watch it and then you just kind of get into the storylines and it's really good. EastEnders I didn't watch so much but I know a bit about it and I've seen it a bit. EastEnders was the one that went down the Thames River. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Towards the east of London. That's right. But can you still

watch that in New Zealand? Is it like on during the day? Yeah, I think it's daytime TV. Right, okay. Anyway, the thing about- What is East Enders theme tune? Because Coronation Streets. I don't know. Are you just blowing your nose mid-show?

Oh my God, I just felt like this tickle in there. Anyway, so they worked out, because they're both similar vibe of like soap opera, high drama, murder, betrayal, affair. He's your brother. He's your sister. Murder him. Murder him.

He's your brother. They worked out. Is it more dangerous to live on Coronation Street or in EastEnders Albert Square? Albert Square is like the hub, like the kind of main area of EastEnders. Based on how many onscreen murders there's been in the area. In the entire show? Yeah, so if you were to actually live in this world, how many murders? And so it's more dangerous to live in Albert Square on EastEnders.

More people die? More dangerous. Okay. Their murder rate on EastEnders is nearly twice that of Coronation Street. So Coronation Street has only had 29 murders since 1960. Which is a rate of less than one every two years. But if you think about your busy street or road, how many murders happen? None.

Yeah, none murders. None murders. None murders. You maybe more because you live in the city. I mean, there was one around the road. Yeah, there was. None murders. None murders. You maybe more because you live in the city. There was one on our road. Yeah, there was certainly one around the road. No, there was one on our road. What's that? When?

Since we moved there. Seriously? Yeah, it was like where everybody was. Oh, my God. Really? Okay, I did not know that. So EastEnders has had 34 murders since it aired, but it aired in 1985, not like 25 years later,

which is an average of nearly one a year, making it a more dangerous hood. What about Shortland Street? Because there have been serial killers. There have been... I've looked it up. Stranglers. The Shortland fandom.com slash wiki on their deaths

stopped updating in 2018 Unfortunately And there's probably been A lot of deaths in the last There's always something like A crazed killer last year The end of last year Wasn't someone going on A killing spree

Surely Okay Home and Away I googled how many deaths On Home and Away Has been on TV since 1988 And during that time There have been 47 births That's a lot of births.

And 113 deaths that we know of. But how many of them are dangerous deaths? Not illnesses? I don't know. You know what I mean? It doesn't say murder. We're going to have murders. Yeah.

So what was Shortland Street? Oh, just heaps. It doesn't have an actual number, and I'm not going to go one. I'm not going to count them. I sort of wish you had a... I'm not going to count them. I sort of wish you had a... I'm not going to do it. I won't. I won't do it.

I feel like we need to know now, Vaughn. I won't be doing it. In the time that you've been saying you won't do it, you can be counting. But I'm not going to count up to 2018. It's pointless. And we're going to be just estimating, you know, if it was 2018, maybe I would.

Lazy. Maybe I would. This kind of sucks that we don't know the Shortland Street murders. Do you know what I mean? Shortland Street deaths. And all this fan thing. Oh, I can't get to that one. Can't get to that one.

Can't get to that inappropriate website. You could have counted them. Yeah. There was that, what I was looking at, they were on air for over, so the first death happened in 1993 September 1993 on Shoreland Street And if I'm correct they started in May 1992 So it took them over a year to kill someone

Well you have to kind of reel the viewers in And get them attached to the characters Before you start murdering them Yeah Absolutely It's been 25 years Next month since Lionel Skeggins fell off the rocks fishing, though. But we know that he's alive.

He came back. He was the celebrant or something? Or he was in the church for one of the weddings? He walked through the background, didn't he? Well, I think we can safely say don't live on any soap street. Don't live on a soap street. Don't live on a soap street. Or live on Vaughan Street Don't live on a soap street. All that chances of death.

Yes. Play. ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley. From the self-driving ZM think tank, this is the top six. Well, it turns out that apes

have a sense of humour, just like humans. Okay. They like to laugh. That's why they throw their poops around, because that's funny. That's funny stuff. That's funny stuff. That's funny stuff. So I've got the top six jokes that would kill it. A primate open mic night at a comedy club.

We've got sound effects, do we? Comedy club. Is this thing on? Number six on the list. What do you guys call a flying monkey? What do you call a flying monkey? A hot air baboon. I mean the monkeys got it. Well this is

for them, it's not for you. Okay. Number five on the list of the top six jokes that would kill at a primate open mic night at a comedy club. Hey, what kind of key opens a banana? I don't know bro, what kind of key? A monkey. Woohoo! Hey, hey! Thanks for coming, guys.

I really like that. Number four on the list of the top six jokes that would kill it, a primate open mic at a comedy club. What do you call an easily scared monkey? I don't know what you call an easily scared monkey. A chimpanzee. Oh, come on. I don't know how to say that.

Hey, can't say anything anymore. What did you come to a comedy club for? God, it's like Louis C.K. and monkey porn. PC madness. The monkeys liked it. That's the main thing. Alright. Ah, the woke left. Trying to destroy monkey comedy. Monkey comedy.

Number three on the list of the top sexy jokes that would kill at a primate open mic night at a comedy club. Where do monkeys work out? Where do monkeys work out? The jungle, Jim. I don't like that one. You've done a few comedy shows.

How do you think this would go? Well, I'm not a monkey. I'm not the target audience. Oh, right. Okay, yeah. Number two on the list of the top six jokes that would kill at a primate open mic night at a comedy club.

There are two monkeys in the bath. One goes, and the other says, all right, I'll put some cold water in it then. Okay. That's for the monkeys. That was good. That's for everybody.

That was good. That's for everybody. And number one on the list of the top six jokes that would kill killing a monkey overnight at a comedy club. One monkey says to another monkey, what rhymes with banana? And the other monkey says,

no, it doesn't. What rhymes with banana? No, it doesn't. Yeah, get it. It's one of those ones you've got to think on. It's one that you've got to think on. Okay. It's one that you've got to think on. That. It's one that you've got to think on.

That is today's Subsex. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley. May I share with you a stat I've read? You may. One in four adults still sleep with the light on because they hold on to childhood fears of the dark. I cannot have light. Like a quarter of all adults.

You're not supposed to. It's supposed to be absolute darkness, isn't it? To enter full sleep. Your circadian rhythm. I sleep with the Hayley Sproul eye mask. Oh, no. By the way, guys, I simply must get the link because mine's gone. The one made by the shoe people.

I can't find my sleep mask. I look like a bird. Sending, sending, sending. Not cheap. It is not cheap, but amazing. Superbly comfortable and amazing. And I've been having it too. Because Aaron stays up a bit later watching stuff

and the light off his computer screen drives me nuts. And especially going to sleep when it's daylight savings. Give you the early, yeah. No light. It's complete blackout. You have the best sleeps. So that's a quarter of all adults still sleeping with the light on. Holding on to this little childhood thing like a baby. Do adults still sleeping with the light on. Holding on to this little childhood thing like a baby.

Do your kids sleep with the light on? Have I been at your place and there's been a light on? Yeah, they like sleeping with the light on. Yeah, but they'll work their way out of it. Why don't you just turn it off? Indy has like a lava lamp. Oh, that's a fire hazard. Yeah, fire hazard.

But August likes like a light on, light on. Wow. In the hallway sort of situation. Why don't you just say grow up and turn it off? You do, yeah, yeah. Well, there'll come a point that could never be kids. They're kids. They're allowed to.

You're a dad, you mean to say, what are you, born in a tent with a light on? Yeah, that's when you leave the door open. Oh, yeah, that's when you leave the door open. No, if you're a dad and they leave the light on, you say, we'll attract predators. Oh, yeah, sharks. Sharks, saber-toothed tigars.

Right. You know, all the ones that we used to battle out there on the... Back in the day. On the plains. Yeah, okay. On the African plains. Well, it's rich for me because I'm like, oh, my God, adults, grow up. Like, there's nothing in the dark.

Yeah. You know, like, if there's an intruder in your house, he's not going to stop because there's a light. In fact, it would probably just help him find you, to be honest. Help him find you and your goods that he wants to steal. Yeah. I'm sorry for gendering the intruder but we all thought of a man.

We all, yes. You think some chick's just coming in there? No, it's a man. But I mean, I am rich to say grow up, just stop sleeping

with the light on. I still sleep with my teddy bear. In fact, I got him tattooed on my leg recently. Kweli. Kweli, yeah. I sleep with him

and like to the point where I'm unable to if he's not around. Do you bring him when we go away for work? No, because he's too precious. Like the idea of leaving him. Yeah.

So when you're in a hotel like away for work. I try to like wedge like a pillow in its place and I just, I yearn. I yearn for him. I long for him. And I miss him. And when he's not around anymore, he's like, where's Kweli? You've got to grow up. I've got to grow up.

But there are also adults that still have like blankies. Oh, grow up. I don't know. It's like the corner of a blanket from like the 1980s. And it's like a tuft like that. I've got a friend who has that. And you're like, oh, I reckon grow up. Yeah, grow up.

I reckon grow up a little bit. I reckon grow up. Frame it. Frame it and hide it somewhere secret and never tell anybody. Keep it spesh. Keep it spesh. I know that's what Aaron said. He said maybe, maybe Kweli is like a storage animal now.

And I was like, you're a storage animal. Is he just like some souvenir gift shop Australian? I don't know. I still don't know. I still don't know. My dad went to Aussie and came back and had it for me when I was three. And I've just, you know, just as a kid, you just choose the one. Yeah.

And that was my one. And now I just didn't come out of it. It was weird. Especially when I was like single and ming one? Yeah. And that was my one. And now I just didn't come out of it. It was weird. Especially when I was like single and mingling. Yeah. People come back to my house and it's like. I have a koala. There's a koala in the middle of the bed.

No big deal. Yeah, exactly. Okay. That's what I want to know. Maybe it's time we all grow up a little bit. Yeah. What is your child adult behavior? The behavior that you still have as an adult that is definitely childish and maybe it's...

No one's sucking their thumb, are they? I've got a friend who sucks her thumb. What? No! And the teeth are stupid. 30s. She collapsed the roof of her mouth? Can't stop.

That was always the thing. Someone said you'd eventually... Doesn't it bring your jaw... Doesn't it do something to your teeth? It sucks. It pulls your front teeth forward and it collapses the roof of the mouth, doesn't it? Yeah.

Goodness. Yeah, I've got a thumb-sucking friend. It's odd. It's odd. It's odd. Well, we want to take your calls. 0800 DALS at Amazon number. Call now. You can text through 9696.

What is your childlike behaviour that you still have as an adult? We'll tell you to grow up. We'll tell you to grow up a bit. Well, apparently one in four adults are still sleeping with the light on. A fifth of them are still running up the stairs if it's dark. You know that, like when you're like there's a goblin behind me, there's a goblin behind me. Or like do that little jump onto the bed so the monster

under the bed doesn't get you. What does your monster in the dark look like? Black, like black fur, hairy. It's furry. And he's like like lemme. Yeah, but quick. Apey but quick. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Burning eyes. Like a boogeyman. Anyway, we want to know what is your childhood behaviour

that you've kept as an adult. Now, we should do a photo. What does your boogeyman look like? Yeah, we should describe him to us. That would be really interesting. We should get a police sketch artist in here to draw the boogeyman. Love that. Kathy, what is your childhood behaviour?

It's not mine, it's my sister's. She's now 43 And she still Sucks her thumb But there's also the behaviour Of that first pointer finger Will also be stroking her nose The nose! Oh my god!

I've got to say it, my thumb tastes disgusting Yeah, has it? And have you, like What's it like when she's there at Christmas and she's sucking her thumb? Or does she just do it in the privacy of her own home? No, no, no, she's shameless about it. Like, I think it's just a completely not even recognised behaviour anymore.

She'll just be sitting there watching TV. Anytime she's relaxing, you'll be mid-conversation, she'll be relaxing, in goes the thumb. She talks around it and everything. She talks around it? Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. I don't like the taste of it. The taste of my hands

that have been about in the world. I don't like it. The worst thing is she now sits on the couch with her, you know, about 11-year-old daughter and they'll just do it together. Oh, no, no, no, no. Ah, Cathy, thank you for sharing. Some expensive dental work coming to their family.

Always good to drop your sibling in it too. Jamie, what is your adult child behaviour? Hi. I have this little pink pillow that I've had for years and I have to sleep with that. I cuddle it when I sleep and I cannot sleep without it and when I'm being mean to my boyfriend, he threatens to wash it. You can't be washing that thing.

I get really scared because it's starting to fall apart but it's like so dirty and so stinky. I don't know. It sounds like that does need a gentle wash. I give quality to my mum. No one washes quality but my mum. My mum wants to throw it out wash. You need to give, I give Kweli to my mum. No one washes Kweli but my mum. My mum wants to throw it out though.

Oh, okay. She wants to throw it out. Okay, throw it out. And you can't just replace that with a new pillow? No, I can't. I bought it from Kmart ages ago and I, you know, Kmart's had a mess all the time now. Hey, Jamie, grow up.

Grow up. We're going to get you to go ahead there and grow up. You have our collective permission to go on and grow up. Also, Rich, you're saying this, Hayley, when you've got a koala that's falling to bits like Jamie's pillow. Jamie, you text in, and I'm just reading the text, then we called you, you called it a crusty little pillow. Now, that's disgusting.

Is there crust on it? Can we get a picture? Can we get a picture of the pillow to our socials? You can get a picture here I reckon Jamie. I'm happy to say grow up but if there was

a visual persuasion I couldn't tell you not to but I don't think I will. Jamie thank you some messages in. I'm 43 I still have a blankie.

Yep you need to grow up. I can't sleep if the TV's not on. Now there's a few people saying they can't sleep without some noise like the TV the radio or a fan going.

You need to get some brown noise. Yeah, so you've been getting into your brown noise, your white noise. It's grown-ups. But don't listen to it too loud. It's the grown-ups version of a noise to sleep to. Don't listen too loud. You do what we did and burst our phone speakers.

Yeah, it'll start rattling. They'll use us to us now. It'll start rattling. A few other people were saying, though, adults that suck their thumbs. Somebody said maybe you're... Someone texted saying maybe your dad felt guilty for spending so much time with his secret Australian family.

He bought you a koala. No, I resent that. That is not the truth. I do not have a secret sibling in Australia. Wow, have you asked Craig? No, I haven't asked. I don't need to ask. He's a loyal man.

He's a loyal husband. Until a whole set of siblings shows up on Ancestry.com. Yeah, I'm like, who is she? I still have a teddy bear that I cuddle when I'm sad. I also sleep with it sometimes at night. Who am I kidding? I sleep with it every night. I also take it away with me when I go away.

Whoops. You're going to just go ahead and grow up there. I think we're going to get them to grow up. Yeah. I've tried everything and stopped sucking my thumb and nothing worked. When my first baby was born, I stopped without even needing to try. It's that unusual. My husband has to have a sheet over his shoulder when he sleeps

if it's super hot because of the monsters. It's really annoying. He's tall and he pulls the sheets up. It's like they're choking him. I just imagine this big, tall, burly man, he's like, monster. Monster's on my shoulders. He's gonna need to go ahead and grow up. Yeah.

Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley. Play ZM. Hayley's Horny Book Club. Welcome back to Hayley's Horny Book Club. There's a Facebook page now too. Yes, indeed there is.

And it's going gangbusters at the moment. And look, I know we've got a lot of young years in the car because of Taylor Swift Thursdays, but this is a very exciting interview, so don't you worry, as we continue our dive into the world of romantic literature. Which is taking the world and New Zealand by storm. I know, I know. And so

Elliot Rose is a New Zealand author who writes these kind of books and she joins us now. Good morning. Good morning. Good morning. How are you? We're so good and I'm loving learning and teaching the boys about the world of what women are reading at the moment. It almost feels like what we're exclusively reading. Well, it's not exclusively women, but it is for the vast, vast majority women. Yeah, for sure. So, Elliot, you, it says here, right, spicy, paranormal, and dark fantasy novels.

I do, and I am at present just branching out into dark contemporary romance as well. I'm going to need some of these terms explained. Paranormal activity is the movie where the ghosts are in the house. So is it sexy ghost stuff? In some cases, yes. In my case, it is witches, vampires, fae. Oh, so a bit more of the fantasy side of things.

Yeah, so I kind of go between the two. I feel like you're really ticking a lot of boxes because I was a teenage witch, Elliot. And also, you're into the world of fantasy, Vaughn. You like your, you know, your Dungeons and Dragons. Yeah. More the combat side of things. Imagine there's been no sex in our campaign.

Imagine Henry Cavill in The Witcher. Oh, yes. But then he does more sexy things. Yeah, he does enough sexy things on The Witcher. Oh But then he does more sexy things. Yeah, he does enough sexy things on The Witcher. Oh, does he? Some sexy things. But this is such a huge, because I mean, we could get into the contemporary stuff, but this is such a huge branch as I'm learning, because I'm quite new to this world,

of erotica, literature, is this kind of fantasy vibe, isn't it? It's huge. It is. And there's been some amazing books come out recently within the last year that have really taken it much more mainstream for a lot of people. Yeah, Akita will be the big one, right? Yeah, yeah. And Fourth Wing last year was a huge one that really kind of crossed over

into the reading pile of people who perhaps hadn't touched on fantasy or paranormal romance. Fourth Wing's always one of Joan's picks at Whitcalls. No, we don't know who Joan is. Who is Joan? She's horned up. She's got a horny streak. She's got a horny streak.

So, Elliot, obviously, like, you're an author. How, what, when you decided to start writing, did you know you wanted to get into like a spicy, steamy world? Or did you start with like, you know, little tales of men and women going to work? Well, I've always been a creative of creative pursuits evolved over time, probably back start of 2022 was when I started writing in this arena and under, you know, this name. And that was the start of the series that I've just completed,

which is my Nocturnal Hearts series, which is the one that is dark paranormal fantasy romance. So it's kind of been two years of being in that world and now branching out into contemporary, which is basically no magic. No magic. Normal everyday people, but in very abnormal circumstances. Yeah, yeah.

And you're writing all of this in South Canterbury. Yeah. Well, South Canterbury and I actually live just down in North Targo, so I'm kind of right. Oh, she's split between the regions. Yeah, heart of the Waipaki. Okay, right. So for you, like, how do you start?

Like, what's your thought process when you go, I want to make something really steamy and spicy? Where do you start? Where do you start? Where do you start? Do you draw from your own? I mean, feel free to tell me that this is private, but do you draw from your own fantasies and you write them on the page?

Well, you have to have a very creative imagination, right? To be a writer, you've got to have an imagination that just does not stop because writing 80, 100,000 words is a process. There is no short-cutting writing a big, chunky book. So you've got to have enough to fill those pages. Obviously, there's a lot of spicy romance, erotica, whatever you want to call it, whichever end of the spectrum you want that are just novella-sized,

bite-sized. Short to the point. Like, you know, if you're watching a clip online, Vaughn. Yeah, 12 minutes. 12 minutes. Yeah. We're good. Yeah.

Fast burn, straight into the action, page one. Yeah. I tend to lean towards more of the slow burn. So we're getting 50% of the book before we get some action. I don't want to get, like, kicked off. No, no, yeah, yeah, yeah. I appreciate that because I've read a little bit of both and sometimes I will be flicking through the pages.

I'll be flicking ahead. Okay. I go, how far through do I have to get? I just need to know, yeah, what's my investment here and to get to the steamy stuff. Because does it tickle you knowing that people are reading this, they're on the bus, they're in their beds, they're at home, and that they're getting a little flusher from it? I think I really, I absolutely love my reader reactions, like when they're coming into my

DMs and basically, you know, screeching or squealing or, but quite often it is more about the tension between the characters than you know they might really enjoy the spiciness or the steaminess but it is the romance that is building between the characters and it's that process of quite often they're doing more of the the sort of fluttery feelings and the um kicking their heels sort of moments when it's the will they, won't they stage. Yes, yes, yes. Get into the part where people finally get together within the book. It's obviously very enjoyable.

Yeah, of course, of course, of course. I'm not just flicking through those bits and highlighting them and returning to them. I'm definitely reading the full novels. Well, I really want to read your Nocturnal Hearts series. I'm really looking forward to it. And so nice to talk to someone so local about this

world and your talents and your creativity. I thought down there there was just a wallaby problem. And rugby. Yeah, rugby and wallabies. Elliot Rose is there writing spicy novels. We are a diverse bunch down here, I tell you.

Thank you so much for joining us. Really down here, I tell you. You are. Hey, thank you so much for joining us. Really appreciate it. Oh, you're so welcome. Thank you for having me. It's been wonderful to chat. Play. ZM's Fletchvorn and Hayley.

Fletchvorn and Hayley's Secret Slur. Well, it might be Taylor Thursday. But that's not where the giving stops. No. Also, the Secret Slurp. Today, a chance to win a Stanley Cup. It's the must-have accessory. It's the hottest item of

2023 and 2024. It is. And we've got a big golfer to give away. If you can guess what the big golfer is slurping. Don't call me the big gulper. Excuse me. Wiggle cross to the big gulper. What's happening over there, big gulper? Okay, here's what the big gulper's gulping.

Slurping. Okay. Can you taste the fizz? Yes, yes. Okay. Can you taste the fizz? Yes, yes. Okay, who's first? Let's go Sophie. Sophie, what is Hayley slurping? Hi, is it a McDonald's Sprite?

Oh, good use of the show sponsor there. Oh, I'm dropping that in. But unfortunately, it's not. Let's go to Tash or Tash. Hi. Hi. Is it Tash or Tash? It's Tash.

Oh, sorry, because there's no, I didn't see an R there. I know, but some people get it Tash. Some Tash's get upset. Natasha, Natasha. Tash's get upset if you don't say Tash. I'm okay. I'm all right. Tash?

What do you think Hayley's slurping? Let's have another listen. Hang on. Jeepers. I've got to drive home. Okay. Tash, what is it? Prosecco? Prosecco, yeah! Bingo! It's Hayley's favourite drink.

Oh, yes. I knew it would be. I've poured it so much down my shirt. I stink of wine, so I've got one of the Girl Math T-shirts out of the locker that I'm going to keep trying. Nice, I love it. Yeah, we do need to make that gym class. Tash, congratulations.

A big Stanley Cup is yours. Yes, thank you so much. Is it my turn tomorrow for Secret Slurp? Yeah. You can choose your substance if you want. I think we're going to go savoury tomorrow. Water. He's been brainstorming an idea of what to slurp up this big thick straw.

I don't know how to make it sloppy enough, but we'll work on it. Some sort of tomato needs to be added or something. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley. It is my wife's birthday today and despite- Who's what? Who's birthday? My wife! Always must be said that way.

My wife. It is Shado's birthday today and despite appearances, she will be entering her final year in her 30s. Yes. Wow. I know. She'll be 40 next year. This time next year.

What are we doing? Is she going to expect you to organise a surprise party like she organised for you? Because she went all out. Yeah, she went all out. Yeah, but I didn't want that. But then you liked it though. I liked it. She is going to want a party.

I think I'm going to organise something for me that she will also like for her birthday. I like. That's how that's going to be. I like. I like for my wife. God, I just. It's got to stop. It has to. It has to stop. It's how that goes. I like. I like for my wife. God, I just, it's got to stop. It has to stop. It's become a terrible habit.

I have been dealing with an issue this week that has soaked up a lot more of my time. Who does say soaked when you're talking about what you're dealing with? It's the effluent field at our house. Something is wrong and it's a very pooey water. You need to live in a little house with a little section

with a little lawn. Life's easy. Where's the stress in that? I mean, where's the fun in that? Where's the stress and fun in that? Yeah, I know.

So, I mean, it's taken up a lot of my time, but we also made the agreement no gifts. Okay. Because it's my birthday in five days.

Note that. We've got it. It's in the calendar. Yep, good. And it's just been in five days note that everybody we've got it it's in the calendar yep good and it's just been Indy's birthday we've got all the money's flying out the door

it feels like we've done nothing but spend god damn money on shit Leila not fun stuff either boring stuff so this took up a lot of my time

and then last I did I did plan on baking a cake with the girls yesterday and then decorating the cake today, letting it cool. You've got to let it cool. But then I had this issue to deal with, this pooey issue,

and then the girls had dance. Time got away on us. Valentine's Day was wildly unromantic at our house yesterday. Yeah. I cooked a steak. I came in and she immediately said, don't even talk to me, go and have a shower. Yeah. And I couldn probably smelled like poo, did you? I cooked a steak. I came in and she immediately said, don't even talk to me, go and have a shower. Yeah.

And I couldn't smell it because I've been dealing with it so much. A chocolate cake, nonetheless. Yeah. So what I need, I need two suggestions. Where do I get the best pre-made cake? She told me I'm not allowed to get a Costco sponge this year like I did last year because it was A, too big. Dry.

It dried out quite quickly because of how big it was. It was a sponge and I knew she didn't like sponge cakes but I just wanted a stupidly big unicorn cake. Yeah. I need a pre-made cake. Yeah. And I also need to know where to get icing stuff from. The supermarket.

I know what I want to do on the cake. Are you going to decorate it yourself? I'm going to decorate the cake. Are you going to decorate it yourself? I'm going to decorate the cake. Are you going to do silly writing? A silly phrase? There will be writing but there's also going to be some art on the cake. So I need that I don't need that icing. I don't need that

rolled out fondant. We hate fondant. That's a big dog's cake decorating. Okay. I'm not the big dog. You just want a piping set. Is that what I'm after? There's multiple kinds. Decorating. Okay. Yeah. I'm not the big dog. You just want a piping set. Is that what I'm after? Yeah, yeah. I want the icing pre-made. You want to like add, I work on a baking show.

You've got to buttercream the thing. Where's your cake at, mate? Did you look in the chat yesterday? It was the most helpful one in there. It was. I even looked in my pantry and I was like, should I just bloody bake the man a cake? But I didn't have oil.

Anyway. I had oil. You've got to buttercream didn't have oil. Anyway. I had oil. You gotta buttercream the base of it, and then you wanna do, like, you wanna pipe on some buttercream, and then you need to use a royal icing for writing. It's a different. You can't buttercream writing. What's royal? I thought that was

that almond stuff. No, it's like a runnier, runnier as if you would a cookie. Okay, but what about just roll out that stuff that you don't like? Like a fondant. Yeah, Marspan. And then just get a Vivid

and write on it. You can get edible pens. There's edible pens. Where do you get edible pens from? There's a cooking shop in Ponsonby. That sounds expensive. That sounds expensive.

Oh, you will be dropping money. Just get a supermarket cake and write on it in Vivid. This is why you don't have a wife. This is why Margaret, you are on and off with Margaret. This is why Margaret is off at the moment. Because you're getting her supermarket cakes. You bought her a cake and you wrote on it with Vivid, didn't you?

Now, I have an interesting article from the NZ Herald. Okay. Which is my preferred source of news. Yeah. Other than Fletchford and Haley. She's a company girl. Well, that's where I go if I want to laugh out louder, but if I want serious news journalism.

I go to the Herald. Yeah. And a lot of relationship experts have been chiming in on the reasons why people are splitting up. Now, they always say January, February is a really major time for divorces. Is January the biggest month for divorces. Is January the biggest month for divorces? January's the biggest month for divorce.

There was like a particular day, wasn't there? Is it right before Valentine's Day so you save on presents? Probably, yeah. If you're going to tap out, go before the 14th. Yeah. But one of the reasons, so they cite reasons, right? When you say where you're splitting or you're talking to a relationship therapist, like what are the biggest issues?

And one of the issues that has been rising in frequency is your partner's inability to cook and finding that a massive turn off. Is that because of the rise of like Uber Eats and fast food and ultra processed food in supermarkets? You know, like there is- I don't know. Some people were never taught to cook.

It's so interesting to me because Aaron, who cannot cook. Yeah. And he can do a lot of other things. Was his mum like a real, but she worked, eh? She worked, but she's a great like house mum, you know, like she looked after a family of five kids. All four of Aaron's siblings are excellent cooks. And Aaron just got, like, missed.

He's not the youngest, eh? No, he's in the middle, smack in the middle. Yeah, I know. He just got missed. Sometimes the youngest gets a bit doted on, don't they? So they lack the basic skills. It's bizarre to me. But, yeah, Aaron's just a shocking cook.

The worst thing he ever made was he wanted crunchy, crispy roast potatoes and to make them crunchy, he put on chopped nuts that you would on a sundae. Wait, he put peanuts or nuts? Like chopped peanuts. On potatoes? Like, you know, the pre-packeted chopped nuts that you would put on a banana split or a sundae. Like a little sachet. Or in some cookies or something.

Yeah, or maybe in like a... Stir fry? Yeah, noodle pinch? How did he stick them to the potatoes? Well, they didn't stick. They all just went to the bottom of the tray and they were just baked with the potatoes. And he says, I wanted them to be crunchy.

This is a number of years ago, but that's just one example. Crunch them. Put them in corn flour, right? Don't you give them a roll? There's a million ways you can get crunchy potatoes. And you can cook them several times. Like, boil them first, cook. Is that right?

Par boil, shake them around, cover them in oil, toss, toss, toss. Or just sprinkle with... Do you think he was like, crunchy nut cornflakes. Bingo. So he's like, wait, if I put the nuts on the potatoes, it'll be crunchy nut potatoes. It's lucky he wasn't thinking about crunchy the bar

or you would have had a hokey pokey potato. Hokey pokey chocolate nut potato situation. Oh, bless him. Another one of his specialties is when he poaches eggs, he likes to do the vinegar trick. And sometimes we don't have like white vinegar, so he'll just use like balsamic or something. And like you'll get the eggs and they're all like brown

and like black around the edges. And you're like, what's up with these eggs? By the way, I cooked through. And he's like, well, we didn't have any. I just used whatever vinegar we had. And I'm like, so balsamic was what you reached for. I mean, just bless him. He's good at other things.

He is. I want to know how bad of a cook is your partner? Like what is the meal that they just butchered? Like how bad of a cook is your partner like what is the meal that they just butchered like how bad did it get what can't they cook and you know obviously if you're calling up it probably wasn't

too big of a problem that you left them or maybe you did leave someone because they just couldn't cook because it is icky when you're watching someone fapping about in a kitchen like what is this how do you even do this fapping about in a kitchen like, what is this? How do you even do this? 0800 dials at M. Give us a call.

Text through 9696. Job them in. How bad of a cook is your partner? Apparently, people are literally leaving relationships because their partner is such a bad cook. And they're finding it like, ugh, that's not a turn on. I've shared that with my partner, Aaron. While good at many things, very handy man. Not cooking.

Not great in the kitchen. Yeah. Do you still do it at school, like intermediate? Food tech. Yeah, food tech. Do you? You do, yeah, yeah. Indy's at that age now where you're doing it.

I think it's just crazy that people leave home without knowing how to fend for themselves. You can see why though with all the food that you get at the supermarket and takeaways, it would be easy to get through without knowing, right? Yeah, totally. And if your parents always cooked and you never learned. Yeah, you didn't bother learning. Oh, God. I'm going to sell this.

Wow. I saw the word cottage pie. I thought that's almost foolproof. Almost foolproof. Yeah. But you get the little packets. My partner's skilled in many areas, but cooking is absolutely not. One night I was just done with the day and I said,

I am not cooking. That is absolutely up to you. He went and checked out his hunting supplies and found some packaged backcountry cottage pie. It's something you make in the bag with boiled water. I mean, those are great when you're hiking They serve a purpose You just add hot water

I actually really love them, they're so yum One of the apple pie ones Yeah, my dude Cook three of them and pour them on a plate It's a sloppy mess But I didn't have to cook, and I suppose it was edible. I just love the idea. I got you, bud.

I got you, bud. All right. The garage going through what was left over from God knows when. That is horrendous. Boiling water. Ten minutes till it's ready, sweetheart, if you guys want to start setting the table. Louise, what happened?

Oh, hey, guys. First time caller, long time listener. I've been looking at this bell, waiting to ring it. Yes. Welcome, Louise. Welcome. It's been a while. So my husband, God love him, he is a builder,

so he is very skilled with his hands, but he decided that he was going to make the roast Sunday. Okay. And he put it in the slow cooker, and instead of using red wine, he used red wine vinegar. Oh, my God. That's going to be a tangy roast. That's going to be tangy.

What was it? So it was roast beef? Roast beef. So I opened it up about three hours in, and I said, Em, what did you use? And he said, oh, just the red wine from the cupboard. I said, we don't have red wine in the cupboard. No, no.

So we used the vinegar. Oh, no. Was it salvageable or was it, because three hours of meat cooking and vinegar would be, oh,

when you took the lot off the slow cooker, you would have got a nose full. Tang in the nose. Yeah, I couldn't see it, but I just had to throw it out. I was like,

no, the dog wouldn't even eat that. Oh, yeah, too tangy for a dog. Too tangy for a dog. Oh, no. Tangy beef. Let's just get

takeaways instead, Louise. I think we just had roast for a dog. Oh, no. Tangy beef. Let's just get takeaways instead, Louise. I think we just had roast potatoes, aren't we? Oh, just the potatoes, for God's sake. Oh, brilliant. Louise, thank you so much. Holly, this is your mum? Yep, that's right. My late mother.

Okay. Yep. She put salt and vinegar chippies into mac cheese to give it the crunch. Oh, my God. You can't just add crunch to add crunch. No, salt and vinegar. Wait, do you mean like mush up the chips and then dust them

and then make almost like a breadcrumb with cheese on the top? No, she was such a bad cook, she probably didn't go that far to sort of create the top. No, she was such a bad cook, she probably didn't go that far to sort of create the dust. Yet the chips were still visible. Just chuck the chips in. And whole. Okay.

You know what? I'm still not against that. I'm still having a spoonful. The chips were still visible. Get some snack-a-chang-y salt and vinegar. No, because then the slop of the mac is going to make them soggy. We ran out of breadcrumbs once when I was making schnitzel

and I used some chips. I just smashed them up. Yeah, but then you deep fried it, right? Yeah, dude, it was good. Holly, thank you. Some messages in. My husband tried to cook dinner for me after our first child. Got a full eye fillet out.

So if you're talking the full eye fillet. That's a log. Yeah. A log of meat. It's a beautiful piece of meat. Expensive. Expensive. Yeah.

If you purchased it. If it was home kill, it's still like, you know, the crown jewel of the home kill. Got our eye fillet stuck out of the freezer. Put it in the crock pot. Half filled the crock pot with water and boiled it for two hours. Boiled eye fillet. Because he thought that's how you cooked all slow cooker meals. Oh, my God.

No matter how much tomato sauce, it was inedible. It was boiled. It was grey boiled meat. Boiled to death. Amazing. Wasn't somebody boiling chicken messaging saying they were boiling chicken as well? Somebody said, my partner will happily boil a whole chicken and just eat a boiled chicken. I mean, poached chicken breast, but you've got to add, no.

It's got to be. You can't boil a chalk. Especially not if it's got couscous stuffing. My partner. A couscous. A couscous. We're about to talk about couscous. Are we?

When I made a pasta bake using a jar sauce, then added couscous and a tin of peaches. Wait, what? It was going down the road. Yeah. Fine. Yeah. I'm making pasta bake, jar sauce, another classy as well, but it's all right.

It's a pasta bake. Yeah. Yeah. Your pasta bake is pasta bake. And then he just veers off the motorway onto Couscous Avenue. No place for couscous in there. And then stares off Couscous Avenue. No place for couscous in there. And then stairs off Couscous Avenue into an absolute peaches. Dirt trail, a tin of peaches.

In a pasta bay. In a pasta bay. There's already pasta. You don't add couscous. You don't add couscous. You've got the pasta. You've got the carobs. Also, you've got the carobs sorted.

But why are you adding peaches? Did he think it was like an apricot chicken? Because apricot chicken? Because apricot and peach is a very different integrity. That would work if there was big, meaty, shredded chicken bits in the pasta bake, right? Yeah, and you were kind of, I get the fruit. And you've got some apricots in there. Apricots, but we're talking tinned peaches. And couscous.

And couscous. He's got the couscous in there. My husband once interpreted one cup of stock in a dish as one cup of stock powder. Which is like 20 litres. Mega concentrate. That would have been mega chicken. So proud to make dinner, but it was so salty. Everyone was like.

It was 13 years ago and he still gets grief about it. I love that. Yeah. Well, it's a red flag. Yeah, apparently it's a red flag. And it wasn't just the guys either, was it? No. Mostly.

Not actually. I'll say mostly. Mostly. Play it. ZDM's Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley. Fact of the day, Super Bowl week, despite it being Valentine's Day this week too, complete oversight at the start of the week.

I like Super Bowl week. We're learning about Super Bowl. My question, I thought, and this would make a good, oh, go on. Okay, well, no, because I found a stat of how many people watch Super Bowl in America alone. It was the largest TV event since the moon landing? Correct. This year's one. Yeah, 123.4 million viewers.

It is America's biggest audience since the moon landing. Can we get the Great Kiwi Bake Off season five numbers and just see how that stacks up? How it compares? How's that stacking up? I heard you guys are doing pretty good up there. We are. Our New Zealand stand is doing very well.

Very well in the ratings. Probably not quite the Super Bowl. Well, it was in Las Vegas this year. Yeah. And I was like, this is weird because the Vegas Raiders aren't in the finals. So why are we in Vegas? Why are we in Las Vegas? Mutual ground.

Yeah, because you'd think it would be a home ground, right? Exactly, but it doesn't. It's decided three to six years in advance. So it would be like the Crusaders and the Blues being in the final and they play it in, well, yes, in McCargle. Yeah. Oh, they wouldn't play it in McCargle. They wouldn't have the stadium for it.

That's the thing. You've got some great stadiums down there because of the licensing trust. Couldn't they? Look at that cycling dome. Don't blame Eden Park, mate. You think we're going to play rugby in the ballad room? Running up the edges like far out. I say bring some sloped edges to rugby.

Yeah. That'd be fun. Put a camber to the pitch. There probably is a light camber, actually actually just to get the water to run off but ever so slightly. Super Bowl locations are determined three to six years in advance. Any city can place a bid

to host the Super Bowl just like the Olympics. So it's like the Olympics and games. And then the NFL owners get together and vote to determine which city is going to host.

I mean Vegas is a vibe. Vegas is a vibe. Vegas is more is a vibe. Vegas is a vibe. Vegas is a vibe. It's a vibe. But the NFL, because it's in winter, will not consider stadiums in cold regions. Oh, yeah. Sorry, Alaska.

You can play the Alaskan Timberwolves. Yeah. They'll never get it home. The Alaskan Snowplows. The Snowplows. The Snowplows. The Alaskan snow plow. The snow plows. The snow plows. The Alaskan freezing breezes. They're not going to get a home game.

So, wait, it's in winter, but they don't want to play in the snow. It's in winter, and games can be played throughout the season in snow, but they will not hold a Super Bowl in a stadium with a climate of less than 50 degrees Fahrenheit average for the month of February unless it's covered. And there's bugger all. Yeah. It's so big. It's so big.

This is why most of them have been held in warm water cities. Of the Super Bowls so far, 11 have been held in Miami. Oh, yeah. Well, that's even in, like, winter. It's a reliable climate. It's an absolutely reliable climate. And then they meet and they decide years in advance where the Super Bowl's going to be.

So where will the 2025 Super Bowl be held? Do they actually do this for marching nationals as well? Do they? They put in a bid, each sort of committee. It's going to be held at Caesars Superdome, commonly known as a Superdome, in New Orleans, Louisiana. Oh. New Orleans.

New Orleans. Okay. That'll be cool. That'll be fun. That's party town. Put some beads on. They'll have to play with all those beads. That was the Superdome that during Hurricane Katrina was...

Yes. Everyone was living in it, right? Everyone, yeah, evacuated there. Ooh, Caesars Superdome. Super Bowl 59. Because it was 58 this year. So today's fact of the day is they won't play the Super Bowl in a cold stadium and they decided via committee.

Fact of the day, day, day, day, day. It's the last Taylor Thursday But yesterday was Valentine's Day It was Valentine's Day And I literally was on air yesterday being like We don't do Aaron and I don't do Valentine's Day. After 13 years, we've never done it. Not even the first one.

We don't. What did you do on the first one? I thought there would have been like a, were you upset on the first one? No, no. But it just set the expectation. Just like, not his cup of tea. Yeah.

You know, like, what is the point? Also, flowers in general, not his cup of tea. He's just like, why would I spend that much money? I think it really shocks him how expensive flowers are, especially on Valentine's Day, especially red roses, especially a dozen of them, which is very traditional. So when I walked in the door yesterday,

zero expectation, there was a dozen red roses waiting for me. What? I know. A dozen? I literally was like, what are they? me What? I know A dozen? I literally was like, what are they? What if they weren't for you? What if this is an Alan Rickman love actually situation?

No card No card, okay He was just going to take them to his lover And then you come home Because we left early Yeah, you were late I left late You got late?

Oh wow, okay, so I left late But he probably still had a bit more time Because he knew you were going to be late. Because I said I was out for the first half of the day. I got home about one o'clock. Oh. No, no, no.

I got home about two o'clock. Where did he get them from? He ordered them a couple of days earlier. I know. I was like, I assumed that maybe he was driving past because we live sort of up a rural road. Yeah. And there's floral shops, you know, those ones. Yeah, that's what he might have lucked into.

And I sort of thought that maybe he had a wave of love and was like, you know what, I will get the old girl some flowers. A wave of love. He didn't, he pre-planned this. What's going on? What's going on? It's weird that after so long of never getting flowers and never celebrating Valentine's Day, that instead of just being like, that's so nice, I'm like, what's going on? It's weird that after so long of never getting flowers and never celebrating Valentine's Day,

that instead of just being like, that's so nice, I'm like, what's going on? Yeah, suspicious. What's going on? Classic, classic, yeah. Like, what are you up to? Did the romance end there? No, no.

We sat outside. Bit of hand stuff. Bit of hand stuff. No, we didn't hand stuff. We sat outside and had some fizzy wine. Okay. Enjoyed the sunshine. Yeah.

And then I said, why don't we get some takeaways from the local and we could have a little picnic outside. And we did. Cute. What's going on? You guys are about to break up, eh? This is just that last... I don't know.

You know, just before someone dies, they become quite lucid again and they can, like, speak to their family. They're, like, dying in their bed and then they're like, I actually feel all right, I might go home. And you're like... Is that what's happening?

Anyway, I'm... Dead cat bounce. I'm shook. No, that's good stuff from the old boy. That's good from him, eh? Good stuff from the old boy. Yeah, and it softened me because I've been a bit of a hard-ass recently. You're a hard woman. I have shook. No, that's good stuff from the old boy. That's good from him, eh? Good stuff from the old boy. Yeah, and it softened me because I've been a bit of a hard-ass person. You're a hard woman.

I have been. I've really been not that nice. Yeah, yeah. You're the woman equivalent of Fletcher's tap water. I am. Thick and hard. Excuse me, mate. There is nothing wrong with my tap water.

It's thick. It's just got minerals and chlorine in it. But you don't know this because you're from New Plymouth, that famously has the milkiest water ever. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You've moved from one place with shit tap water to another place with shit tap water. It's the milk minerals and chlorine in it. But you don't know this because you're from New Plymouth, that famously... Yeah, yeah, yeah. You've moved from one place with shit tap water to another place with shit tap water. It's the milkiest water ever.

There's a supermarket that is... Where's Morrison's? Is that the UK? Yeah, it is, yeah. Morrison's that have opened up a checkout. Sorry, my ovaries are crumbling up into dust. Open up a checkout where you can get your kids to put through your order, like a little mini kids checkout.

And they go like beep. But as a kid, did you ever play checkouts in supermarkets? Yeah, that was like the coolest job because you wanted to like beep things. Oh my God, Vaughn, I can smell that banana. Anyway, Vaughn's having a really ripe banana. It was black. I can smell it. Is that going on our story? It's already on there.

Can you smell that banana? It was a perfect banana. It's sweet. It's natural sugar. I actually need a letter to leave. I actually almost, that is so pungent. It's on our Instagram story. Anyway, back to these.

I'm watching on TikTok these two kids doing this, and it's a punish, man. You can't find your barcode. Kids don't know anything. They're like, what's the barcode? Sometimes you get stuck behind an adult human that can't find the barcode. I know, and you're like, where's the barcode on this?

It's like when you're going up to cross at the road, and the parents are like, press the little button to cross the road, Timmy. And then Timmy's like. I just go up behind, smack they're like done yeah i'm an adult i've already learned how to do this yeah let's cut to the chase but is they holding up lines at the supermarket no because it's its own little so you'd only go there if you had punishing kids children yeah yeah please in new zealand don't do that. Leave them in the car. It'll be one checkout though, eh?

Not like a series of self-serve checkouts. It's just a tiny kids' checkout. It's just a little silly one. They had at my local supermarket that thing where you scan your own groceries and then... As you go. But they've closed that down. I don't know if people are ripping it off. Watching this video,

there's two kids that are doing it. They're cute kids as well, by the way. I don't know if people are ripping it off or... Lips on the lip hole. Yeah. Watching this video, in this kid, there's two kids that are doing it. They're cute kids as well, by the way. I don't hate all kids. I just don't ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever... Oh, I'm in a loop. I don't ever want any of my own. But they've sped it up. They've done that like one and a half times.

And it's still so slow. It's still so slow. Like, as a parent, you'd let them do it once, but then they'd want to do it all the time. You couldn't let them do it once, because every time you went there, they'd be like, I want to take care of... They're like, well, I want to go off my friends again,

but I guess I just can't do that. If you liked today's podcast, tell your friends you could send them the link. And if you don't have any friends, just pretend you did. Yeah, great. And rate and review. And maybe get out there and try to make some friends.