ZM's Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley - Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley's Big Pod - 15th March 2024

Episode Date: March 14, 2024

Silly Little Poll!  Top 6: Boasting  Final Rankings: Choccy Portions  Hayley's Standoff  Fact of the Day Day Day Day Daaaaay!See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

The ZM Podcast Network. The Fletchforn and Hayley Big Pod. Great things are brewing at McCafe. The perfect start to every day. Good morning, welcome to the show, Fletchforn and Hayley. Happy Friday. Happy Friday. We've got an announcement regarding our live show

after 8 o'clock this morning. It's cancelled. What could it be? Sorry guys, it's cancelled. No, you've got to do work. It's not. We're going to give you the ticket info after 8 this morning. So excited for this.

Really excited. You don't actually have to wait that long either. It's bloody... I know. I was like... Coming up. Okay, wow. We're putting tickets on sale and then we've got like a few weeks.

Good stuff. Five on time. I'm looking at the jackpot $37,000 That is so much money It is jackpotted so fast Honestly Today would be such a great day

For it to go I say this every day I want to give it away Start your weekend with $37,000 With your chance to play At 8 o'clock Oh you'd go out for dinner Oh

You'd go out for dinner And breakfast And breakfast And And breakfast. And a couple of drinks. To cure that hangover. Oh, yeah. The top six is on the way. In Australia,

in New South Wales in particular, if you boast about a crime you committed online, it will add two years to your sentence. That's something I don't understand. People will do a ram raid or whatever

and it'll all be on TikTok. Yeah. Are they dickheads? They're not thinking. Yeah. I think that's the explanation. They've got rocks in their heads. Rocks in their head. Yeah. Are they dickheads? They're not thinking. Yeah. I think that's the explanation. Or they've got rocks in their heads. Rocks in their head, yeah.

They're dickheads and those heads full of rocks. And so in Australia that will just add to the crime that you've done. Yep, two years. Add it on.

So even if you're committing a crime that's only like a year crime but if you boast about it now it's a three year crime which is significant. Seems like something we would do here in New Zealand. Like,

calm down. Is that to sort of stop the glorification? Oh, like tell people to pull their heads out? Yeah. Tall Bobby syndrome against criminals. You think you're a great criminal, do you? That ram rate's not as good as my ram rate, so calm down. You need to calm down, mate. I've known some real criminals in my time.

I thought you meant that we were adding a year to the sentence. I was like, I don't think we've got the police to do it. Not enough, no. Not enough, certainly not enough. I've got the police to do it. Not enough, no. Not enough, certainly not enough. I like the top six. Other types of boasting online that deserve jail time. Oh, good. Okay, this is good.

Yeah, you'll love this. Silly little poll soon. Do you prefer to sleep alone or with someone? Because sleep divorce is on the rise. Big time. You've talked about this. Yeah, I've had a few nights of sleep divorce due to illness or Aaron's been away.

And love it. You love it. Love it. We'll get into the poll results soon, see how people have voted. Next on the show, overseas, McDonald's have released, I guess, a bit of a collector's item. Yeah. And I really hope this comes to New Zealand. Play.

ZM's Fletchvorn and Hayley. Now, you can count on Japan to do some fun things. Yeah. You know? This is why they've got like a thousand Kit Kat flavours. Yeah. Oh, my God. So many.

They don't muck around. Fun things. They take a brand and then they do a fun thing with it. And this is exactly what McDonald's, Showspawn. Showspawn, yeah. In Japan. Not Showspawn. Yep. the country, not sponsoring our show, not a dollar. I'd love to get some sponsor from Japan. I'd just love to go.

I've got a friend that's here at the moment. It looks so much fun. It's so good. Anyway, Japanese McDonald's is releasing a line of perfumes inspired by McDonald's foods, including French fries. Have they got my quarter pounder? No, no, no. I'd love to hit the club smelling like a quarter pounder. No.

Although you kind of do sometimes if you have a quarter pounder before you hit. Get some What Is Burger sauce in the hand. Just on the neck there behind the ear. It's got that pickle smell. There's four. So it's Japanese. So it's nor that pickle smell. There's four. So it's Japanese. So it's nori seaweed salt, garlic black pepper, mayonnaise, and french fries. Is this going to trigger cannibals?

You meet a cannibal and they're like, oh my God, now you smell like a delicious, you know, salt and pepper, black pepper. So also look at the bottles. Like they're so cool. It's like a red French fry container with a little spritzel nozzle. And it's on their official page. It's not like a prank or anything. Apparently they're known for these like kind of releases of things. They've done like Hello Kitty special Happy Meal toys

and da da da da. They did nail polish. McDonald's themed nail polish. Where you get an adult Happy Meal and get some nail polish. Where you get the reds and the yellow of the arches. Oh yeah. They're very distinctive reds and yellows, aren't they? Yeah.

They had a brown hue that was called a Big Mac Please. They had a burger bun colour. They had nails that were the colour of the gherkins. Reds, yellows, obviously. And now this perfume. Apparently, people are saying it actually smells really legit. Oh, yeah, like the fries one. Yeah.

That would be great. I don't know. I don't know. I'm trying to, because I know what a McDonald's fry smells like, but I'm trying to imagine it wafting on a human. Yeah. Do you know what I mean?

Like, you know, most humans want to smell like vanilla or flowers or like some kind of musky scent, but a hot, salty chip. Bourne's big on the musk. You love a musky scent. I'm a salty chip. Bourne's baked on a musk. You love a musky scent. I'm a manly man. I'm more of a fresh smell.

Yeah, you're a fresh bright. Excuse me. I haven't smelt twink bait on you lately. I've still got it. You've still got it? I've still got it. What's twink bait? The red one.

The red one. That's my fave. That's a bit of burley. I forget the name. Walks through the crowd and it's like that Pepe Le Pew, the skunk off Warner Brothers. They just float behind him. Really?

He's like the lady skunk. He's like the lady skunk. Wow. Yeah. The pheromones. Musky. Oh, musky boy. You're a tobacco-y, leathery, whiskey-y scene.

Yeah. Like what I imagine it's not like walking into a saloon in a Western. Yeah. But a spit and backing. But a gunpowder. A sprinkle of gunpowder. But a tobacco. But a cedar.

Oh yeah. Probably we're building saloons out of cedar and you know that beautiful smell of cedar hangs around. Oh my gosh. Well, I'm not wearing perfume at the moment because of my XMRs. I'm just out. I haven't had a male fume for ages. Should we go make some based on these?

Because you can go make your own. There's places you can go make your own. We should go make some based on these scents. Make the manliest scent of all time. Gunpowder and tobacco. Then get cancelled in 2024 for saying what a man should smell like. I'm down for it. I'll wear it too.

That's a mountain on a hill or a mountain I'm willing to die on? Mountain? Hill? A hump. Hump? I think it's a knoll. Sort of a bump? It's a white elevation.

Grassy knoll. It's a raised elevation. I'll die on this grassy knoll. 11 past six next time. No, I think you do your killing from the grassy knoll. Oh, God, I just don't know. That's a deep cut back to a presidential assassination there. Silly Little Pole is next on the show,

and we're talking sleep divorce, separate beds. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley. Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley. Silly Little Pole. Silly Little Pole. It is so silly, silly, silly that the silly little pole. Silly Little Pole. Silly Little Pole. How do you prefer to sleep? By yourself or with someone else?

Now, apparently in the UK, stats out of the UK say that sleep divorce, one in ten people? I thought that would have been higher. One in ten couples are sleep divorced. Nah, that's quite a lot. So still together, but in a separate bed. Yeah. In the same house.

Yeah. It was always perceived, I guess, as like an elderly thing. Like I remember my dad's parents when they moved into single beds. Same room, but single beds, which I always thought was really cute. Yeah, my dad's parents did that too. Yeah. And it was seen as an elderly thing so you can get better rest. But now, you know, like young people are being encouraged to prioritise sleep more for its health benefits.

And if you don't have great sleep compatibility, why force it? Yeah, fair. Yeah. But my other grandparents slept in the same bed, but my granddad was this insane snorer. Oh, yeah. I said to Nan when I was a kid, I was like, you should move into another room.

Yeah. Or another bed like Nana does, because then she doesn't have to sleep beside the snoring. Snoring is the number one reason that makes people want to sleep in a separate bed. And then also excessive heat and wriggling. Okay. Yeah. Yeah. Restless sleepers.

Yeah. Temperature, movement and noise. I love sleeping in my own bed. Silly little poll today. 49% of people like to sleep by themselves. 51% with someone else. How close is that? Wow.

How close? Yeah, doesn't get close. I wonder if we've broken it down to just couples, though. Because single people are probably like, well, yeah, it's great. You know what I mean? And then also single people would pine to sleep with somebody. They would be pining. Most single people, like yourself, Fletch, are pining for us.

Well, actually, where are we at with Margaret? Because she gave me a follow on Instagram. Oh, my God, can you stop this? Because this Margaret thing is getting out of control. This is Margaret's got an Instagram. People think she's real and someone's made an Instagram. This is outrageous. I think Margaret made the Instagram, didn't she?

I'm reading the sarcasm and the whole existence of Margaret. Margaret for Carl. You've got so much wrong about it. .nz is my Instagram page of the week. My God. Someone, and I just appreciate the, to the level of which this person listens to the show. It's brilliant.

That's why I think it must be Margaret. Yeah, right. It must be, of course. Margaret, the number for Carl.NZ. I just want to see how many extra followers Margaret4Carl.NZ will get. No. You should go along and follow. It's really, really wild.

I didn't know Margaret's maiden name was Naismith. Which is interesting. No, Nee Naismith. Goodness. So she says Margaret Fletcher Nee Naismith. Was that because she was married to you before me? No, no, no, because her name's Naismith. Oh, knee Naismith. Goodness. So she says Margaret Fletcher, knee Naismith. Was that because she was married to you before me? No, no, no, because her name's Naismith. Oh, not Naismith.

Oh, you married, right. Yeah. Oh, they're on and off. No, we're not married. You can't be on and off if you're married. I don't even know who this woman is. Really on and off. She's not real.

Do you know what? Today I'm taking out a restraining order against Margaret. Against Margaret. Against fake Margaret. Yeah. Oh, not fake Margaret. What did she do to you? I'm just taking out an order.

It's for the best. All she did was try to love. And should a woman be punished for loving? No, sir. I don't believe so. Okay, right. So I'm cancelled now for wanting a restraining order against my fake wife.

You're cancelled for asking a woman to repress her feelings in 2024. Okay, right. She's just trying to express love. Yeah. Robbie writes, more specifically my partner, it's to the point where I struggle to get to sleep

without his snoring now. It's soothing. So what Robbie's got there is a white noise machine. Is a white noise machine, yeah. Or he could be brown. Don't assume. I don't know. I shouldn't assume Robbie's.

Did you see the assumption here that he was white? Cancelled. Cancelled. Could be Polynesian noise. Yeah. Could be African noise. Could be Indian noise. I love me a little Southeast Asian noise.

We know you do. You've got a Southeast Asian noise machine next to you, don't you? Yeah, I do. I should have. Well, actually, according to herancestry.com DNA test, that's just a bloody worldwide noise. That's Mrs. Worldwide next to me. That's Mrs. Worldwide.

And you're put Thrill night Whee whee whee whee Whee whee Ah Brianne says I like falling asleep alone But waking up together As shift workers

It always changes up Well that's unusual That's if you were both Shift workers and on different True You'd be like passing shifts In the night Wouldn't you

Sometimes Exactly what you'd be like Dan said If you'd asked me about three months ago, I would have said alone, but I'm a big fan of my boyfriend, so I prefer to sleep with him. We've got a lot of gays listening to the show. Really?

It's two men with opinions, both. Yeah. Gays. It's because you're a bear. Oh, it's your twink bait. And they just absolutely love your annual axes. It's me being a big daddy bear there, and you with the twink bait.

Even though the twink bait's a perfume and this isn't an olfactory. And of course, industry. Yeah, Hayley's big lesbian energy too. Oh my God.

Did you see the picture of me online with my hands in my pockets wearing a suit? Was that the great I mean, I was practically, and I won't continue with that, but yes.

In the finale, I am wearing a tuxedo. I would expect to be hearing from some lesbians if I was here this weekend. The DMs have been heavily female. They've been popping off.

For one, I'll say I love our gay listeners. Yeah. Also, we've got the pride flag hanging on the wall. Yeah. A year round,

by the way. It's missing a few stripes. You cancelled two for that. Oh, it is. It's just the gay one. It's just in the gay area. Caitlin, no word on Caitlin's sexuality.

I think we could presume Lesbian Okay let's assume lesbian Let's assume gay Until proven otherwise Yeah I like sleeping alone Because then I can Hog all the pillows

And the blankets From your girlfriend Yeah Jel says My partner But man When he's away Now Jel's a girl

Yuck Heterosexuals. I didn't know we had that many straight listeners. We've got too many straight listeners, and they're pushing their straight agenda. I think we should silence her. Move on. I'm going to change it up. Jel with my partner, but man, when she's away.

Now that just sounds like you're making it creepy for your own benefit. My partner, but man, when he's away, I love a starfish. Diagonally across the bed. Yeah. When Aaron's not in the bed, I'll wake up and his side of the bed is still made. No, I have to untuck all sides of the sheets.

Yeah, I hate it. You can roam free. No word on Brett. Prefer to sleep alone, but you bet I'm staying over if, no word on Brett. Prefer to sleep alone, but you bet, if I'm, but you bet, I'm staying over

if there's even the slightest chance of bumpy cuddles. I'll say, he does separate houses. Bumpy cuddles. That's one way of putting it. That's very Shakespearean,

modern Shakespeare. It is modern Brett. Modern Shakespeare. Brett Shakespeare. Not William. It was Brett all along. Libby says, if someone has to break in, he's the closest to the bedroom door and they'll get him first.

So that's why she likes to sleep with someone. Protection. Purely protection. That's why I've got a chump security guard on the left side of my bed. Or red badge. I thought Margaret was with red badge. She's red badge. No, it's rotating. It rotates. They do shifts.

That's cute. And we see them in their hivers. Yeah. Working for both. It's going to be hard with my restraining order if she's working at an event at Eden Park. It will be, actually. You won't be able to bum rush her.

You won't be able to drop your pants and streak. Yeah, you won't be able to do that. She won't be able to tackle you down. No, because of the restraining order. Kayleigh said both, but I have more restorative sleep when alone. Yeah, proper good sleep. Is that like restorative justice? Yeah.

He sleeps in forest restoration. Okay. He sleeps one night at his and then one night at mine the next. So every second sleep I'm rested. How much sex are these two having? Christ alive, just go to bed. Brett Shanks, who would have a field day, writing those prose.

He'd sit at the end of the bed with a quill. With a quill. With a quill and a parchment. Oh, God. Writing it down. Megan said, next to hubby, but dosed up on mega melatonins. Listening to sleep meditations out loud,

aka being the worst buddy ever. A night solo is always a treat too though. Oh yeah. So plenty of people. Plenty of people. Doing the solo sleeping. Why not? The sleep divorce.

Thank you to our gay listeners. Just to bounce back, somebody has sent me the manliest smelling perfume they're aware of. Oh, go, go, go. It's called... Is it motor oil?

It's called Four Vices. Oh. And it smells like tobacco, hops, weed, and coffee. Yuck. So there's beer, coffee, marijuana, and smokes. That just smells like a Hamilton Uber. Yeah. That's just a Hamilton Uber.

Take me home, country roads. Oh, God. Next on the show, 6.23. Well, next on the show, it's not 6.23, because it's 6.23 now. We've got a whole bloody song to do. It's 6.24 now, and next on the show, it's not 6.23 because it's 6.23 now. We've got a whole bloody song to do. It is 6.24 now and next on the show. I'm going to give you the signs,

the clues that you are the favourite child. Oh, these will all point to me. These will all point to me. Yeah, not Vaughan. Not Vaughan. I am the favourite. We'll see. You give us your tips.

I'll give you my list. New traffic light on the horizon. I thought this was stupid, but now I've read the article. This is what I do. Read the headline. I say, it's stupid. Well, that's what most people do. And then I don't usually read the article.

I've read the article. Wait, so we've already got three. Red, yellow, green. Yep. And white. White. No, this is going to yellow, green. Yep. And white. White. No, this is going to throw Cobb & Co. totally off. To have to do the traffic light cocktails.

No, because you can put a heavy cream at the bottom. What about the popsicles that are traffic light popsicles? Heavy cream at the bottom. They'll just have to have a lemonade. So your answer is just heavy cream at the bottom. Heavy cream for everything. They'll just have to have a lemonade bit at the bottom of the popsicle. Yeah.

So, no, this is with more and more autonomous vehicles coming about. Right. The white light would single to the autonomous vehicles

that they can go and tell the car behind them to go to. Because did you know they talk to each other? Do they? The autonomous vehicles. But what if you're driving

What's an autonomous vehicle? Like self-driving like Teslas and that's semi-autonomous, but like full-blown vehicles that are just going to take care of themselves. What? Like Google's got that car that from, is it Phoenix, Arizona, where you can catch an Uber or a Google ride and it's 100% automated.

Oh, no. I was somewhere in America and I saw one of those cars. It didn't have a driver, but they weren't taking passengers. They were just going around the city testing and you just saw this car with no one in it that'd be good for me

because sometimes when I'm real boozed in the back of an Uber I'm an absolute nightmare to be with just silently you could just lie down and then at the end

they're like thank you driver it parks in your driveway so even if you've fallen asleep in the back of it you're home also they would still give you clocking it up though

they'd still give you a two-star review for smelling so bad. Yeah, probably. Your own car. And they wouldn't. Yeah. Because she's so boozed. No, no. If they did it as a.

Autonomous Uber. Uber. Yeah. Oh, okay. But do you think that they would still wake me up when they pulled on my driver? Or they just keep the clock ticking and I wake up at seven in the morning and I'm like. There's a mist that comes on it opens the door and the seat goes and you just slide out onto the ground and it just backs out and leaves you there and it hoses down

the seat too yeah but yeah it's basically the white light would tell the autonomous vehicle to tell the one behind it it could go but then to tell the one behind that not to. Oh, yeah. I like overseas, I've seen some traffic lights where the red will flash because it's about to go green. Yeah. And then some that also in the light have a countdown of how long you've got the green.

Yes. Or the red, how long you're waiting for. So it'll count down so that you can be ready. Yes. And not on your phone. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

So I've seen those as for pedestrians. Yeah, but this is for actual red lights. Oh, overseas. So you can get ready to go. So that you're hot on phone. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So as soon as it's for pedestrians. Yeah, but this is for actual red lights. Oh, overseas. So you can get ready to go. So that you're hot on it. Yeah. Yeah, okay. This is the future, isn't it?

Yeah. Giving robots their own light. But I think we would have been closer. I know we've got Teslas and these semi-automatic cars, automated cars. But people don't trust them. People don't trust them and they keep crashing, don't they? Yeah, I wouldn't trust it.

The price point's probably still up there. Yeah. Also, I feel like New Zealand roads are so much different than American freeways. Oh my God, good luck to this autonomous vehicle in Christchurch. Like, good luck. You follow Google Maps, it's not even right. Yeah. Or just like some winding roads in the back countries of...

Oh, yeah, have fun over the bloody Ubitaka Hill. Yeah. Good luck to you. Play ZM's Fletchford and Ailey. Play ZM. From the panoramic ZM think tank, this is the Top 6. Hi. Hello. Today's Top 6. Hi. Hello.

Today's Top 6 is looking at... Alicia. If you boast about a crime in Australia now, they can add a two-year sentence to your... Online. If you commit a crime and film it and put it online and be like, I'm so cool. Yeah, right.

Because I did this crime. Because a lot of people are... It blows my mind the amount of people that post their crime. Like, they're obviously stupid in the first place. Even like beating people up. Yeah, it's evidence. Yeah. It's literally what they will play in court

when they sentence you to prison. And then, chaka, two years on top. Yeah. I think it's great because it does, it like glorifies, it's, I don't know. Do you know what else they have in Australia? Kangaroos koalas

wombats crocodiles didgeridoos forks bear boomerangs do you know what else they have in Australia city opera house

no I was meaning laws harbour bridge if you if they get you for murder murder murder and you don't tell them

where the body is that's you don't tell them where the body is, that's, you don't get parole on your sentence. That's good. Because, you know, some people, they'll get them, but they won't tell them where the body is. Is that not a law here? Apparently not. I don't believe so.

Why wouldn't you? You've already been caught. You've been caught. Yeah. But then they still deny it. Yeah. Oh, yeah, true. Pleading innocence.

Yeah. Well, I've got the top six other types of boasting that should result in jail time. Number six on the list. People who brag about not having or not watching a television. Cool. Oh, I thought you were about to say not having kids. Is that on the list? Cool.

Because that's highly denied. Could be. We brag every time you have to leave dinner or drinks to go look after your kids. Yeah. No, they don't need to be looked after anymore. That's just my excuse. I'm ready to go home. Oh, yeah.

And they're still always sick, too. I definitely have friends that are like, we don't have a TV in our house. Like, we try to connect over conversation and board games. I'm like, BS, you're on your phones. Yeah. You're on your phones and your laptops. You're just on a tiny TV in your hand. Literally a miniature TV.

Yeah. You're just ruining your eyes quickly. How much prison time would that be for boasting about that? Six months. Six months. And that's not on top

of any additional crime. That's just straight up six months in prison. Okay, yeah, good. Number five on the list of the top six other types of boasting that should result

in jail time are bragging on how you are functioning so well on little sleep because I'm barely functioning on little sleep. Yeah, some people have been like, I don't really need it.

Yeah. Oh my God, I only got four hours last night, but I've had such a productive day. Yeah. Cool. I'm just pushing through. It's like, no, you're ruining your body. Yeah.

We all are. I try to lie about it. That's eight months. Eight months. Eight months prison. Eight months prison. Because that one hits me hard. Stiff.

Number four on the list of the top six other types of boasting that should result in jail time. People boasting that their parents set them up financially. I mean, at least you're being honest and not claiming you did it yourself. Oh, yeah. You know.

I always love those. First home buyer with their first house. How I bought a home at 22. Yeah. Scroll down, scroll down, scroll down, scroll down. Grandad left me 500,000. Yeah, exactly. There it is.

Yeah. Number three on the list of the top six other types of boasting that should result in jail time is third equal. Oh, okay. Third equal. People who brag about

how many books they've read and people who brag about how they don't read books. Yeah. Great you can read and other brag and like it's not a cool thing to brag about not reading.

Just read your books to enjoy the books and shut up. Am I still getting away with being an audiobook listener? No, you listen to it. It's a podcast at best. You're listening to a book I read. You're listening to a radio drama. Yeah, it's a radio play. Watch your back.

Apparently. Number two on the list of the top six types, by the way, that one You're listening to a radio drama. Yeah, it's a radio play. Is that? Okay. Watch your back. Okay. Apparently. Number two on the list of the top six types. By the way, that one, a year in prison. A year? Whoa, for books? Wow. Yeah, I just felt like handing out a big sentence.

Okay. If I was a judge, I'd do that. I haven't handed out a big one for a little while. They'll just read in prison. They'll read in prison. Oh my God, they'll have so much reading time. Yeah. Or time to not read.

Number two on the list of the top six other types of boasting that should result in jail time. People who brag about their gut health. Excuse me. These kombucha types. Gut health is important, Vaughn. I'm going to get kefir. I'm going to want to make some kefir. I keep telling you.

Two years in prison. Two years. God, how am I going to grow my gut health? My sauerkraut. Who's going to look after me? Kraut. You'll have to house? My sauerkraut. Who's going to look after me kraut? You'll have to make jail toilet sauerkraut. Yeah. That's where you put the cabbage in the system.

Oh, yeah, moonshine kraut. Yeah. Moonshine jail kraut. How will I get my yeast starter? Up the smuggler. Okay, right. Yeah. Yeah.

Number one on the list of the top six other types of boasts that should result in jail time. People bragging about how great their kids are. Because firstly, my kids are the best so I don't know what you guys

have got to brag about. You're in jail. I want to show them I have to go all the time to read the books and work on my gut health. And you can help me with my sauerkraut.

Yeah, my moon kraut. My prison sauerkraut. And while we're in there we won't be watching a TV, will we? No. We'll have to tell everybody all about it. That's today's top six.

We're going to try. We're going to go. We're going to try. $37,000. We're going to try and give it away at 8 o'clock. You can play five on time. Actually, listen out for the activator. We're fighting for it because we want to give it away.

Georgia wants to give it away. Brent and Clint want to give it away. Georgia's like, I'm going to give it away. Georgia's like, I'm going to give this away. It's like, no, Georgia. People that listen to your show don't know five seconds. No, they don't.

That's what I said to you. People that listen to our show, they know five seconds. But what if people listen to our show and her show is they're not competing shows. We're a symbiotic relationship. No, once it turns nine,

they just lose the ability to tell five seconds. Oh, I know. Because work day begins. Yeah. Their mind goes to other things. Yeah, I know. Whereas in the morning, they're fresh in five second reading. We're going to tell five seconds. Oh, I know. When work day begins, their mind goes to other things. Yeah, I know. Whereas in the morning, they're fresh and five seconds ready.

We're going to give this away. I've got a good feeling about this today. Okay. Now, the weekend is nigh. The weekend starts very soon. I feel like we've all got something. What are you doing this weekend? Because we're all doing something exciting.

Vaughan, what are you doing? We're hanging out with her tomorrow. Oh yeah, that's right. Sunday I've got a jam session with my band. Your system of a lounge cover band? Yeah. Tonight we're off to Disturbed, me and Jared. You're going for a hike?

I'm doing the Tongariro Crossing. That's cool. I'm going to plant my tractor. He's going to do some tractor work. I've got a tractor afternoon planned today. Okay. See, these are all fun things that sort of relate to who we are as people. Hiking, metal, tractor.

That's us. Shannon, murder mystery. Murder mystery. And you were travelling to Rotorua to take part in a murder mystery. Didn't you last weekend do some other bloody crafty... We did Survivor for someone else's birthday. Survivor. Then this weekend we're doing a birthday away for one of my best mates in Rotorua

and we are going to an Airbnb and we're doing a murder mystery. Okay. I've got my character here. Do you want to hear about it? Oh, yes, please. I'm going to play the character. I've got to say, this sounds like my worst idea for a weekend away. I feel like Shannon's getting murdered.

Well, no, no, no. Like actually murdered. We've done one murder mystery before, and last time I ended up being the murderer. Oh. So it was quite fun. How do these work? I don't know how these work. I always hear about them, but I don't know how they work.

Because none of my friends are this organised. Isn't it like a real life game of Cluedo where you all act? Yeah, basically. But do you know you're the murderer at the start of the weekend? No. What a load of bullshit! I feel like you would like this for one. Yeah, so you buy a pack and you get assigned a character.

So the birthday girl has assigned us characters. And then there's a bunch of rounds. And each round you learn something about yourself. You open up an envelope and it'll be like, hey babe, you've actually slept with this person. Or, oh, you actually weren't where you said you were and you kind of have to... Put your story together.

Yeah, and so you figure it out. So I didn't know last time I was the murderer until we all knew I was the murderer. So I was defending myself blindly and then I was like, oh, it's me. So what kind of things are in these envelopes that you learn about yourself? Well, last time my character slept with every single character in the group.

Bisexual? Yeah, yeah. And like every single character in the group. Bisexual? Yeah, yeah. And like every time I opened the envelope, I was like, well, I've gone with someone else now. But this time it's a cowboy one. And here's my character. I'm Sally Forth, and I am an attractive English lady who recently travelled to America to become the sheriff's mail order bride. Oh, dear. Yeah.

I arrived last week but it was not love at first sight. He had exaggerated his handsome features and his wealthy ranch Holden's. Ranch. And then it's told me what to wear. Hang on, hang on, hang on.

So you're an English mail order bride. Yeah. I gotta sign this by the way. Give us the accent. Yeah. Are you allowed to do the accent of mail-order bride? Yeah. I got to sign this, by the way. Give us the accent. Yeah, we need the accent. Are you allowed to do the accent of this mail-order bride? I'd be careful. I'd tiptoe around some of the other ones.

I don't see mail-order bride and immediately think English. Well, I was thinking Love Island's my only kind of reference point. No, but not back in cowboy days. They're like, hey, love, how are you? Yeah, put your French up. You're minging. I think you have to be more sort of posh. No, but she's mail order,

so she wouldn't have been from the aristocracy. Oh, she's got, yeah. Yeah, she's got all my gutter, isn't she? I imagine you've got a... Oh, come here, you long about opening your own cheese. Yeah, you've got a couple of missing teeth, I reckon. Yeah, probably. She's a rapper.

But my costume says, you wear the latest European fashions of the time, mid-1800s, complete with a bonnet and parasol. Oh, no. See, I think she might be slightly. Now she might be a parasol. That's it. So you're a tow behind a boat.

You do it at an island resort. No, parasol's a lace umbrella. A lace umbrella. And it's saying definitely look out of place on the frontier. See, I think that she might be quite. I've come over from England. Sally Forth. That's it. Sally For I've come over from England. Sally Forth. That's it, Sally Forth.

Hello, my name is Sally Forth. I look quite pretty, don't I? I came here to marry someone... Keira Knightley. Keira Knightley. Came here to marry someone attractive and you're a minger. That's great.

That's great. That's great. And I've got to have my parasol because my skin is so fair. And I have found out that the person who's murdered is this husband. The sheriff is dead. So I

reckon I'm a hot suspect. Oh, you are. I pull over and he's minging. I might murder him. What happens during the weekend if I think you're the murderer? Do I say I think it's you? Yeah, but because you don't know if it's you as well, you're trying to figure it out. So you are sharing pretty much all the information you have. But sometimes

it'll say, don't tell this with the group, but. Oh, you're don't tell this with the group, but... Oh, you've got to hold a secret. Yeah, I mean, this is only my second time. How early in the game, because if you don't know you're the murderer and I accuse you after round two of being the murderer, you don't even know if you're the murderer. No, yeah, you just go

through the night. Me? No, I would never. I'd love to murder my husband. I loved my husband. Not with my dainty hands. No. I look quite pretty, don't I? You loved him, but you've only been here a week. How did you love him?

Imagine if I killed him with the parasol. Oh, my God, you stabbed through his eye, through the brain. Up the nose, through the brain. Wait, how long does this go on for? Because it's a bit long, isn't it? Yeah. Are we drinking in between this? Well, I mean, I will be.

Sally Forth, I reckon. Sally Forth. Oh, she's a boozehead. Sally. I reckon she's a quiet I mean, I will be. Sally Forth, I reckon. Sally Forth. She's a booze hand. Sally. I reckon she's a quiet drinker, though. She sneaks away and has a drink. She comes back. And then everyone's like, are you...

Oh, yeah, yeah. Sally, are you all right, Sally? I'm absolutely fine. Oh, you're a crap fish, isn't I? Play ZM's Fletch Vaughan and Hayley. It's the final ranking. We do this every Friday. We rank things. James Fletchford and Hayley. It's the final ranking. We do this every Friday.

We rank things. And yesterday I was just picking off a bit of chocolate. What kind of chocolate were you eating? It was dark. Yeah? Dark. Good for the gut health, is it? Shut up!

Good for the gut health. Two years in prison. And this was a big portion of chocolate. Wait, what did we do? Like a king size? No, so it's like a thin block. A thin block. And so I just did a whole line and that's two pieces.

And then that got me thinking what do I prefer? Do I prefer a big king block with little squares of chocolate, like little rectangles? No one ever has only one square. It's always at least a line. How pathetic. How embarrassing for you.

Or do I prefer like a finger of chocolate? Like a Kit Kat or a Santa bar. Or do I prefer a slab, like a peanut slab size? Or, I just thought of this when you were in the bathroom, Vaughn, chips. Or buttons. Chocolate chips. Chocolate buttons.

You need a little bit of chocolate so you get a bit of cooking button chocolate? That's what I've been doing at the moment. I've got sugar-free chocolate chips. And I put them in a little ramekin. I get my tongue. I go, and I just eat some chalky chips. Give them a few at a time. Yeah, like a lizard.

And maybe also individual chocolates in a box. What about balls? Wrapped like a lindent ball Lindent. Lindent. Lindent. Lindent. Lindent. Yeah, yum. Or a Maltesers is also technically a ball delivery system. That's a ball?

Yeah, okay. But it's not pure chocolate. No, a lot of these things aren't pure chocolate, though. I don't think we should include something that's not. Like an M&M. Like an M&M. That's a candy. That's a candy.

That's its own thing. Candy covered chocolate. So are we saying Maltesers is in there? No. Yeah, I feel like Maltesers heads towards your Twix, Snickers. Yeah, it's got a Nougat-y thing in the middle. But then you could say Lindballers. Nah, that's chocolate.

No, because you can get straight up chocolate. No, no, no, no. That's its own thing. Let's say it just has to be like... A mostly chocolate. Mostly chocolate. The slab will include, even though it's got a lot of peanuts in it. Okay, so what is your favourite?

You've got to choose top three. I do love the thin squares. Yeah, same. I ate the whole block of those. Because they're like nothing. Yeah, the posh chocolate, the thin with the bigger squares, I just end up eating the whole thing. And they've got nice flavours, eh?

Yeah. I mean, what's wrong with a row? A row of squares. So you would be saying you would go for a... Square. Tiny squares. Like a classic Cadbury-Whittaker square from a big block. It's great.

Do love a finger, though. Oh, my God. Toblerone triangles. Dangerous, though. It's yum, but it's a dangerous delivery system. Yeah, but the idea is you're meant to squeeze them together. But even then. No, you raw dog it.

You jam it into your throat. Yeah, I mean. Break it off. You break it off. The opposite way of which they intended. And that is why St. John at Auckland Airport and most airports around the world have a busy time dealing with tourists.

They have triangles of chocolate. Look at the Toblerone tongs. Yeah. Can't your dentist tell if you've bitten off a square? Yeah, trauma on the roof of the mouth. Yeah, and my dentist is always like, you eat a lot of Toblerone. Hayley, cut it with the Toblerones.

Yeah. You are damaging the roof of your mouth. Yeah. I'm always like, cutting out myself. Oh my God, also... Someone said eggs. Oh!

We completely forgot Easter eggs. Yes, eggs. Okay, eggs. And also, what about Terry's chocolate orange? That's segments. That's a giant ball. But that's more about the orangey inserts.

And rabbits. Yeah, rabbits is another form. Producer Shannon also wanted to put in dip. You know, liquid. Liquid. Like she said chocolate fountain. No, that's different. A fondue, a melted.

That's a delivery system. Okay, well that's been poo-pooed, Shannon. Okay, I've got my three. Oh, my God, I'd forgotten about the eggs. Number three, eggs. Great. I was really quiet there for a while because I was racking my brain on my third favourite.

Small eggs like cream eggs and solid eggs, yes, but not a giant egg. It's nothing. A bit hollow egg. No, it's nothing. No, I love it. Because you punch it first of all, and then some falls in, and then you just start breaking off the segments.

You go around, you eat the whole thing. Guys, coins. Oh! Forgot about the coins. Chocolate coins rules. But always terrible chocolate. Oh, but who cares? Awful chocolate.

Peeling off the big 50 cents. Good fun. I get them every single Christmas when I get to be choccy coin. I'd forgotten about that. I'm going to go egg is three. Two is like a king-sized block and just breaking off whatever comes into your hand. It could be three rows. It could be two rows.

It could be like a two by eight. And a quarter of one with a spike. Yeah, and it comes in half. And then I'm like. And your teeth always follow the perforation marks. So you're going shard of block. A shard of block. Yes. A random shard of block.

And number one is slab. Every time I go to Mitre 10 and I'm waiting and I'm paying and they're like, anything else? And I'm like, hmm? Be my slab. Three pack of bedding. I love the coconut slab. Oh, yeah, the coconut one's nice.

Three pack of almond gold slabs, please. Anything else with your screws and nails? Nah. Oh, yeah, three pack of almond gold slabs, please. Anything else with your screws and nails? Nah. Oh, yeah. Three pack of almond gold slabs, please. I'm going to go Toblerone. Number three. Three, because I love...

So triangle. Triangle. And then I'm going to go ball. Yeah. You're going to go ball? Yeah, because the Lin balls are... Yeah, they're number one, eh? Because to me, a ball is almost an egg as well.

To me... I think they're the best of both worlds. Like a cream egg. I think a cream egg's solid eggs. Oh, they're number one. Because to me, a ball is almost an egg as well. To me, best of both worlds. Like a cream egg, I'm thinking cream egg, solid egg. Wait a minute! Kisses just entered the chat. Oh, the kisses! I forgot about the kisses! Kisses just entered the chat.

Maybe a finger, maybe I like a finger more than a ball. Beg your pardon, sir? You know what's a pink hat finger? You like a finger, he's on a finger. He's on record. He's on record. He's on record. Now, someone said Advent. Before he said he was doing it.

Before he said last night I was doing a line, and now he's telling us he loves a finger. I'm just saying we're learning a lot about the guy. Someone said Advent. Now, I would put that in square. No, that's trash. That's not enough. That's square.

You'd say it's not enough. That's a square chocolate. I haven't smashed one of those little parcels of Hershey's Kisses for a long time. Might have to do that this weekend. There's so much rubbish. There's so much rubbish. But it's foil and that's good for the environment. Is it?

Put the aluminium back into the oil. Sprinkle it through your garden. Okay, wait. Okay, so number three. Guys, fish! No! No, no, no, no, no, no. I don't even think we have fish.

No, that's it. Fish is a marshmallow delivery system. No. But then what can you say? Scorched almond? Oh. You can't say scorched almond. We're going too crazy.

We're going too crazy. That's an egg. We're going too crazy. We can't have fish. We can't have fish. Can't have fish. No, we can have a solid fish. No, no, no.

You don't have solid fish. There's never solid fishes. Those orange fish. That's the only solid fish. Oh, okay. God, okay. There are so many. I need to calm down.

Okay, table or on at three. Okay, table or on at three. Ball at two, you have. Ball at two and to calm down. Okay, Toblerone at three. Okay, Toblerone at three. Ball at two, you have. Ball at two and then King Size. King Size Slam. The small rectangle. It just rules because you can take as much or as little as you want. I mean, it's Whittaker's.

We're always Whittaker's because the Cadbury's. Literally almost. Shrunkflation down to like two blocks of two things of chocolate. I'm going to go chip. I'm going to go chip in three. Chocolate chip. Trash. That's real trash chocolate.

As a kid, we used to pull them on a plate and lap them up like a cat, and now I put them in a ramekin and I tongue them out like a human being. I'm going to go chip. Number two, I'm going ball. And number one. Ball's done well. One, get out of here, shells. Get out of here, Fritos.

Oh, I forgot about Fritos. Frogs. Frogs. Oh, the hard koalas. The hard, the solid Fritos is a pure chocolate portion. Maybe we need a category. Someone's coming with buttons. But maybe we need a category of, like, miscellaneous.

Yeah, yeah. Like fish, koala, Fritos. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Santa. Santa. I'm going to go number one coins. I'm going to be controversial. What?

It's not great chocolate, but it's fun. It's nostalgic. You get to unwrap it. Sometimes you can walk around being like, look at all my money. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Have them in a little, like, one of those bags. The little mesh bags.

Money, money, money. Jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle. I'm about to sit down and eat my money. That got quite heated, didn't it? So I think balls. Balls win. Balls win. That got quite heated, didn't it? So I think balls. Balls win. Balls win. That's madness. Olivia Rodrigo.

We're all big fans. She is... Is she touring? Yeah. At the moment? Yeah. Go you right on the information with Olivia Rodrigo. You know me. Big fan. Actually, New Zealand's biggest Olivia Rodrigo fan, Vaughan Smith. Whoa, really? We call ourselves the Rogers.

The Rogers. Okay, right. Well, she was handing out at one of her concerts, not only condoms, but Plan B, which is the morning after pill. Which is, I thought you had to like, to get the morning after pill, Which is, I thought you had to like, to get the morning after pill, you have to go and see like the pharmacy, right? And you get a few questions, right?

Oh, you do. Or do they just give it to you and you're like, good luck. As someone who's taken it before, in New Zealand you get put through the ringer to get it, for sure. But it was all, she had some like branding on it about abortion laws, which of course in America is very like awful conversation. Yeah, it's going to be a big election

issue because a lot of states have made it illegal. Yeah. It was for a good cause basically and these emergency contraceptive pills. Anyone was like, sweet, that's awesome. I mean, good to have one in the pocket. How long do they last?

I don't know. Or like the shelf life. Because you could just take it home and save it should that occasion arise. Yeah, yeah, totally. Free Plan B is giving out at Olivia Rodrigo's Guts World Tour in St. Louis tonight, which I think is one of the countries, one of the states that is. St. Louis.

St. Louis is in Missouri. And Missouri is definitely one of those states that you always hear about. It's so ballsy, too, just to be, like, handing out free morning after pills. I know. But, like, also, what a wild free sample. I know. You know, you go to the supermarket and get a free sample. You might get, like, a little tiny.

Yoga pouch. A yoga pouch. A slice of sausage. A slice of sausage and a small glass of wine. There was, I went to a booster recently and they were doing like, it wasn't Bailey's

but it was something light, like a creamy. He's like, you want one of these? I was like, absolutely not my dude. Oh wow, why not? Because it's,

blech. Yeah. Like, it would look, it wasn't warm but it looked warm. That stuff's gonna be ice cold. I love a free sample when we sorted it at the wedding's going to be ice cold. I love a free sample.

We sorted it at the wedding, didn't we? Exactly. I love a free sample when you buy an adult fun toy. They always give you a small lube. Do they? Sashet. A small sashet of lube or cleaner. When you're in the midst of a passionate lovemaking,

nothing rules more than reaching across. Sashet. It's a sashet de lube. I feel like that's it that's all we've got like protein places always when you get protein

they always chuck in a free sample they try to get you to do the pre-workout oh my god and then you like have it you're like

I reckon that we should get some calls in of like the weirdest free samples you've received because sometimes

you get your normal stuff like a saucy or a wine in the supermarket but was there ever like you received a little bonus something or something you ordered and you were like Because sometimes you get your normal stuff, like a saucy or a wine in the supermarket. But was there ever like you received a little bonus, something or something you ordered and you're like, what is that? Yeah. Okay, let's take some calls.

0800 DALS at MSL number. You can text through 9696. Inspired by Olivia Rodrigo giving out Plan B pills, what's the weirdest free sample you've received? We want to know the strange free sample you received. Little extra thing because Olivia Rodrigo was giving out Plan B or the morning after pill at her concerts. Yeah, now in a state where she's done it, she's giving out the morning after pill where abortion

is banned unless it's life threatening. Yeah, it's a bit of an act of protest. Which is good from her. Really good. Honestly, really good. So we asked, what's the weird free sample you got? Some messages. I bought my wife a big tub of bum bum cream from Mecca. Lovely.

Oh, yeah. Mecca always does a free sample. Loves a free sample. It came with a free sample of the exact same cream. Which you'd be stoked about, right? Actually, one for the handbag. Yeah, because normally you get a free sample, you're like, it's stuff you're never

going to use. Yeah. I know. Stuff they're really trying to get people into. Yeah. I was buying an adult fun toy for myself.

I'm a female and I received a very explicit male toy as a bonus. Not sure what they wanted me to do with that. Oh, the little torch. Maybe a little torch

Maybe they're trying to get the boyfriend into, um... But they might not have been a boyfriend. Presumptuous. We were sort of born with one of those, you know what I mean? A lot of the time.

I don't need it. Keep your texts coming in. 9696 0800 dials at M. The weird free samples you've received. It's Olivia Rodrigo, Vampire on ZM. Fletchborn and Hayley. She's been giving out free samples of the morning after pill at some of the American concerts.

It's kind of like a middle finger to the fact that a lot of these states have banned. Yeah. So we wanted to know the weird samples you've received because it's a very interesting thing to get at a concert. Sometimes you get a drumstick or a guitar pick. Or a flyer for something with a discount code. Or the ECP. Well, she passed them out like there was a bucket and you grabbed them as you wanted them or she like T-shirt

can it in the background. You have sex tonight. That was just raining contraceptive. You have sex tonight. I don't know how, I don't know the distribution method. I was sent a packet

of diet vitamins with a pharmacy order as a free sample. I wonder if I should have been offended. Yeah, I would. Oh, yeah. I'd be like, sorry.

While working in London on my commute to work outside the tube stations there were obviously often promoters giving away free sorry. While working in London on my commute to work, outside the tube stations, there were obviously often promoters giving away free stuff. One time in my big bag of freebies, there was a small bottle of Amaretto. Oh, yeah. Nothing like free booze at 8am.

It's like an apricot, almondy. Yeah, like a milky kind of a thick thing. So odd. You wouldn't have thought it would have been illegal to just give away booze like that. We were discussing back in the day radio sessions and promo people would hand out free party pills. It was just absolutely wild when you think about it now.

They're illegal now, aren't they? They're all banned. Skittery wee things. BZP was the active ingredient, eh? Yeah. It was the same thing housewives were taking for weight loss because they were just like, I'm just having so much fun cleaning my house

I'm going to go to tennis and then I'm going to go for a run and then weight's just dropping on me and then I'm just having these rotten headaches and then drink more water and take more BCP. Oh Helen, your teeth are falling out. It's all legal, it's all legal, trust me, it's all legal. The sample I received was for I might speak in Italian if I may

Please do Oh absolutely Vibrato Pantes Vibrating Oh okay wow I lived with my mum until I was 21 And I'd received a parcel just before I moved out And after I moved out

They sent a thank you slash sample package And my mum as an incredibly nosy woman Opened up my mail Wow She rang me immediately and I had to explain to her what it was. It was very embarrassing. She wasn't like angry about it. I ordered my son

some fancy Danish designed baby lamp and got a free beach set which was bucket spade and beach bag. Which was weirdly, I looked up how much it cost it cost more than the lamp. Sounds like it might have been recalled and they were just giving it away. Yeah, they had to get rid of it.

Like a choking hazard, so just quickly get rid of it. I got a free Vivid with my HelloFresh order. I think I might have fallen off somebody's collar. Yes. What was the nib quality like? Was it quite used? Or had it been flared out? Yeah.

We need a... Don't like a flared out Vivid. You need to sharpen that nib. With a very sharp knife you can resharpen your Vivid nib. I like a pencil. You've got to be careful. And it's got to be really sharp.

Follow up on mum opening the panties order. She wasn't angry. She kept it herself. And wanted to give me a review later and then they used that face melting emoji

which is a great emoji. Play. ZM's Fletch, Vaughn, and Hayley. ZM presents Fletch, Vaughn, and Hayley Live. Well, we announced earlier in the week our live shows are coming back. We're doing a special two shows in Auckland on the 5th of April and then Christchurch on the 6th of April. All thanks

to our friends Heineken Silver, a surprisingly smooth, low-carb Heineken. They've come on board. They're sponsoring our two live shows. These will be a special live show as well. Yeah, because you two are celebrating 20 years of working together. Yeah.

Which is... Crazy. Honestly, mind-blowing. I know, and we haven't even slept together the whole time. Because, you know, obviously the sexual tension. We've burnt noonied many times. 20 years. We've burnt noonied in a couple of single beers at a twin share in a motel hotel many times.

Did you celebrate 10 years in any way? I can't remember. No, because we weren't working. Oh. It was between our last place of work and this place of work and we were on garden leave.

Well, then we must celebrate. You were in Columbia so you probably celebrated. I celebrated. He was shaking his he was out there with his mama.

Shaking my tata. A couple of empanadas on board. Bass boom drummer. So to me, there'll be like quite a few yarns of stuff that

has happened over iconic stuff that's happened over the last 20 years of us working together which is insane to even think about and say.

It's going to be like a massive party. That's sort of the vibe of it is a big party, unfiltered. All new live show and a lot of our segments that we do on the radio

we did live at the last live show like Fact of the Day we sang and everybody sang. Hayley's version, mum's names in there. unfiltered. All new live show and a lot of our segments that we do on the radio, we did live at the last live show, like Fact of the Day, we sang and everybody sang. Hayley's version, mum's name's in there. We're going to be sharing some juicy stories.

Now, the venues. Let's talk about the venues. We said we were doing it April 5th and 6th, but the venues were never mentioned. Yeah. I've just been looking

at the venues and we may have been enough all the week in truth. I would say the Auckland venue. I have performed on it only in its small way and it is like dream come true. The Civic. I've been to shows there and seen some incredible stuff on the stage.

And we're going to be in there on the stage. The Civic. The Civic with the lights in the ceiling. It's one of the most like. The Queen's Boxes. The Queen's Boxes. Do we say King's Boxes now? No, it's the Queen's Box because it was made for the Queen. It's one of the most like... The Queen's boxes? The Queen's boxes, which we want to... Do we say King's boxes now?

No, it's the Queen's box because it was made for the Queen. Yeah. Yeah, but she's Victoria... Was it? So I'm reading here it was first opened on December 2019-29.

Wow. It underwent major renovations in the 90s. Yeah. It's gorgeous. And it's been like that ever since. Moorish Revival Architecture for the Architects, listen. Oh, yeah.

A Moorish Revival. It's so bizarre. There's like animals everywhere. It's like Indian themed. And so obviously they just had no one. And if you go to the basement, you can see the old creek. Yes. Yeah.

And then, so they obviously just had no one else, no other booking. So they're like, you can come here. It's a big deal. Stop underselling us. It's so exciting. So, and then in Christchurch. We're at the Isaac Theatre Royal, which again.

What a beautiful. Stunning. I've only ever been, I like walk past and always walk, because it's got all the lights and it looks beautiful. Just your classic old Kiwi theatre. It's the only operational Edwardian style theatre remaining in New Zealand. Only the best for us, darling. Only the best for us, because we're remaining in New Zealand. Only the best for us, darling. Only the best for us

because we're very classy, darling. We're celebrating 20 years, darling. So on Monday at 9am, tickets will go on sale for our live shows for Auckland and Christchurch. Now in Auckland, that'll be Ticketmaster,

Ticketek, and Christchurch. Now when we did our first ever live show, which was at Sky City, admittedly a bit smaller, it sold out within 24 hours. So if you're thinking of coming and you want to get a group together, I'd be planning that over the weekend so you're ready to go.

Four Mondays, live tickets to come and see us. Seating capacity at the Isaac Theatre Royal, 1290. The Civic's like two. Dude, the Civic's nearly two and a half hours. The Civic you can just do Like just the bottom Well Open to

Hey you might be happy To just do bottoms But I want to do Tops and bottoms I top and bottoms I want to be versatile You want to do the whole venue I want to do some sides

I want to do some tops I want the queens boxes filled He's straight by the way I want my mum in the queens box No we were going to put The queens in the queens box The gaggle want the queens box The gaggle want the I think the. The gaggle want the gaggle.

I think the Queen's box would be a good giveaway. I think that would be a winner, you know, win the Queen's box. That would be pretty amazing. Little, little. Because isn't there like

four or five of them? There's a few of them, eh? I think there's a couple on each side. Okay, well 9am Monday, that's all you need to know. There's no pre-sale. They all just go on sale.

All the details are at Citymo online and thanks to Heineken Silver, a surprisingly smooth, low-carb Heineken. They're on board for the live show and super stoked about that. Somebody said, does the live show start at 6am? Hell no. Are you ordinary live shows? Oh no, absolutely not.

No, we're going to do our live radio show in the morning and our live theatre show in the night. Super excited. Work hard for the money. Any other questions? Ticket price range? I don't have that. Work hard for the money. Any other questions? Ticket price range. I don't have that. Carwin.

$45. $45. Okay, lovely. Excellent. Okay. A lot of bang for your buck. Music. Jokes.

Music live. Us. Fletch. Vaughn. You're not giving me too many bangs. It just feels like you're just saying things and then really breaking down. Laughter.

Laughing out louder. At the Civic and the Isaac. Next on the show. I'm in a standoff with my fiancé, and he doesn't even know it. Why are you playing these games? How long will it take for old dum-dum to notice what's going on?

Just why don't you tell him? Because I have told him, Fletch, time and time again. As you know, over the last 12 months, we've been doing a major renovation and one of the biggest things we waited for

was our bathroom. Bathrooms, famously in a renovation, one of the most expensive rooms. What? So expensive. So expensive. It's plumbing,

the electrics, tiles, all your shower stuff, sinks. It's just, man, kitchens and bathrooms, horrendously expensive. So it's an expensive bathroom and I'm happy that it exists and it is aesthetically

stunning. Do you ever feel the pressure when you use Hayley's bathroom? The first time Vaughan came into the bathroom, he broke the and it is aesthetically stunning. Yeah, you've got to be real careful. Do you ever feel the pressure when you use Hayley's bathroom? The first time Vaughan came into the bathroom, he broke the shower door handle. No, that was somebody else. They passed me the handle and said, what do I do? And I was like, oh, there must have been a screw fall out somewhere. And then you came in and you were like, what's happening?

And I was like, why are you holding that handle, bro? Anyway, so it's like a privilege to have this bathroom. And yet, Aaron Michael Gerard Courtesy has still not learned that when you finish using the toilet paper and you get down to the roll, the cardboard roll, that that little gold bin that I bought that was also quite expensive, that's what that's for. It sits there. You're allowed a bin in the bathroom? Yes.

I'm not allowed a bin in the bathroom. Well, it's gold. It's gold. I've got a bin in the bathroom, but it's under the vanity, so you can't really see it. You could have a bin in your bathroom. You could have a bin in the bathroom. People will flush their tampons, and then you're going to be dealing with an absolute plumbing nightmare.

You know me, I'm plumbing nightmares. Do you want a bin in your bathroom? Because I'll come over to your house, I'll flush a tampon, or we'll just ruin everything. Ruin everything. So Aaron, like our whole relationship, now he puts the toilet seat down,

and I'm grateful for that. Fletch, you don't. We can talk about that later. If it's my house. But it's his house and he's a man, and put it down yourself. Who cares? Yeah, exactly.

The age-old argument, when I was a kid growing up, and you'd always see comedians be like, Addy, didn't put the toilet seat down. I'd be like, what? But it's ugly. Aesthetically, it's ugly. Is that the main reason?

Yeah. I don't want to see the arse end of it. That's not what it's made. Like, toilets that look nice with the lid down. But I live by myself, so when you come round... But you've got a very nice bathroom. Yeah, but sometimes I'll put it down if there are lots of people coming round

and want it to look nice, but I don't care. Anyway, it's fine. It's your house. Aaron never, ever, ever, ever puts the cardboard holder of toilet paper in the bin. The bin, sometimes he'll literally... He might be saving it to make binoculars out of it. Shut up. No, he's not.

Last week, he put the cardboard roll on top of the bin. You're nearly there. You're nearly there, Aaron. And I constantly put, I lift up the bin. I'm like, shush up. And I'll be like, look how easy, Aaron. Aaron, I'll be on the toilet. And I'll be like, come in.

And I'm on the toilet. And I'll be like, look at this. Jit, jit. Look at that. Look how easy that was. And he's like, huh, whatever. I've had enough. And I've just called it.

And I was like, if you want this thousands of dollars bathroom to look like a student flat, so be it. So I have cleaned, I've been cleaning the house. I've cleaned the entire bathroom, showers, mirrors all clean, benches wiped,

toilet wiped, toilet cleaned. And I'm just leaving every single cardboard roll where he puts it. This is the standoff. This is the standoff. I'm waiting for how long it'll take him to notice this collection. Cause he hasn't noticed the collection. Cause I just do it. I put it in the bin standoff. I'm waiting for how long it'll take him to notice this collection because he hasn't noticed the collection because I just do it. I put it in the bin for him.

I'm sick of it. So now I think as of this morning, there was four. Four little cardboard in this beautiful bathroom. How many poos does this guy got? He's a big boy. He's a big boy. He's a big boy. And I tell you what, one of his privileges in life is he doesn't skimp on toilet paper.

I know neither. He goes for it. It sounds like you need a long roll. We do a long roll. Oh, wow. Sade would a long roll, but it was longer like paper towel length. She's stolen that from a public toilet. It was so long.

It doesn't, you know how our roll is a stationary roll. It sits hard off the wall. It's not hinged. It doesn hard off the wall. It's not hinged. It doesn't go up and down. Yeah. So it sits, and the little nub that the toilet roll starts to go over, it sits on that. Over the top.

No, it sounds like she's put a handy roll. It's not as long as a paper towel roll, but it's definitely longer than your standard bowl roll. No, ours is thicker. Anyway, stay tuned to see how long Aaron notices that the entire house is perfection, except for his cardboard rolls. We're up to four rolls today,

and it's Friday the 15th of March. Watch this space. Play. ZM's Fletch Vaughan and Hayley. Fact of the day, day, day, day, day. great haberdashery of a story about today's Fact of the Day, but it has been pilot week here at Fact of the Day. And it's a real shame I have to hurry this one because this is a story of the first ever authenticated membership of the Mile High Club.

Oh! Now, we can linger here. Now, can we have confirmation before we finish pilot week that next week will be pirate week? Yes. I had a friend that was trying to convince a group of us once that the mile high climb that he joined it solo. I was like, that's not it.

That's not, and also don't do that. Also, yuck. Where are you doing that? Don't do that. Don't do that. So today's fact of the day is about a pilot called Lawrence Sparing. Okay. And his lady love, socialite and fellow pilot, Dorothy Rice Sims.

They were flying in Dorothy's Curtis Model F flying boat. Oh. Which. What year was this? It was in 1916. Oh, wow. In a flying boat. Well, that was just basically what they call planes that land on the water.

Yeah. I love a boat. Well, she was just basically what they called planes that landed on the water. Yeah. I love a boat. Well, she did. Flew, darling. It was equipped with autopilot. Now, he was also the inventor. Lawrence Sparing was the inventor of autopilot and something that was called artificial horizon to keep your wings.

It would work out the artificial horizon and keep your wings flat. In 1916. Is it very advanced? Was autopilot just a string that you tied around the... and keep your wings flat. In 1916. Is it very advanced? Was autopilot just a string that you tied around the... Probably locked it in and held it to the artificial horizon. Okay. Yeah, a brick. A brick on the pedal.

There's a clever old boy out, Lawrence. Anyway, in 1916, when they were up there in her boat, the Curtis Model F flying boat, with autopilot on, they clicked on autopilot. Oh, okay. November 21st, 1916. However, in the throes of passion, Lawrence bumped the autopilot off.

Uh-oh. Wait, where were they doing this? At least go to the back of the flying boat. No, no, there's no room in the flying boat. There's only two seats. It's like doing it on a motorcycle. Oh, goodness. Or a small boat.

Okay, right. I'm imagining she climbed over into his part. Okay, yeah, right. Wow. His caboose. Yeah. Well, no, it was the front climbed over into his part. Okay. Yeah, right. Wow. His caboose. Yeah. Well, no, but not the front. It was the cockpit.

Yeah. Because the caboose had sort of indicated the back. Well, I don't know. Easy. Easy. Easy. Pull up. Pull out.

She. So she climbed over easy. Easy. She climbed over into where he was sitting. Yep. And during the love easy. Easy. She climbed over into where he was sitting. Yeah. And during the lovemaking, he bumped the autopilot off and they went into a steep pitch. Goodness me.

Down. Although still flat as Artificial Horizon was still on. And a botched landing. When it landed, it was quite an ordeal. And people ran to it, they were undressed. Have we checked that that didn't happen on the LATAM flight earlier this week? Oh, I don't know. Not that close to Auckland.

Oh, it was an hour out, wasn't it? Oh, it was an hour out. Yeah, you've got time. Isn't it time for a clean up? Plenty of time. Plenty of time. A couple of times. Lawrence and Dorothy there, it was quite scary.

That's incredible that it was that long ago but wait then they told or they only they were found out they were discovered right they were discovered

and even back in the day in the early days you know what happened yeah is your autopilot no good like your invention the autopilot

that you've said you invented is it no good and he's like it is good I bumped it and then they were like how'd you do it Lawrence hold by

and he said well I was making love you see to And then they were like, how'd you do it, Lawrence, old boy? And he said, well, I was making love, you see, to Dorothy. And they were like, say no more, old chap. High five, high five, high five. Jolly good rogering. Jolly good old boy. Sad news and something that's kind of like keeping with the theme of a lot of these old pilot stories. He's dead.

He died. Of course he did. It was 1916. He took off in 1923. He took off pilot stories. He's dead. He died. Of course he... It was 1916. He took off in 1923. He took off in fog. Oh, yeah. From the United Kingdom heading for France. Never reached his destination.

They found his body in the English Channel on the 11th of January, 1924. Goodness me. Dorothy, however, lived a longer life. She died of a heart attack in Egypt. Oh. In 1916. She was on the eve of the return home in Egypt. Oh. In 1916. She was on the

eve of the return home from a world tour. She was a very fascinating lady, Dorothy Rice Sims. We simply don't have time to get into it today. Don't be afraid to read up on Dorothy Rice Sims. Very interesting lady. So today's fact of the day is the first ever authenticated

membership in the Mile High Club happened on November 21st, 1916 between Lawrence and Dorothy. Fact of the day, day, day, day, day. How to tell if you are the favourite child. Do-do-do. Do-do-do. Do-do-do. Do-do-do. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley. How to tell if you are the favourite child. I am definitely the favourite child. I guess if you're the only child and you're not the favourite child, that's pretty sad, eh?

Yeah, but they made the rod for their own back. They crafted a human that was less than perfect. True. Yeah, right. If you've only got one kid to worry about and you can't make it a good human that you like, that's on you. That's on you, right. If you've only got one kid to worry about and you can't make it a good human that you like, that's on you. That's on you, right.

Your favourite child is the notion of not having a child. Yeah, your favourite child is the one that you never had. That's sad, eh? Apparently 23% of mothers in the UK admit to having a favourite child for mothers of more than one kid. Do you mean admit to their kids? Like make it an absolute no secret thing? No, it was like a poll that was asked.

So I guess they're just saying that it admits to the survey. But I don't know if you'd tell your kids. Well, as you are the only one here with children, do you have a favourite child? No, I honestly don't. I've got favourite aspects of each of them, but not like an overall favourite. As if you'd say that on air.

As if you'd be like, but if you had a real bad one. Oh, yeah, probably. All I'm saying is the oldest one needs to buck up. Because I do remember arriving home

and my brother had built like some brick wall thing or something, did something at mum and dad's house and dad said he's his favourite at the moment. Yeah. Like a running...

Like the stock exchange. Yeah, like the stock, yeah. And tonight we're just going to report the Carl is down two points because he didn't call his mother on her birthday, but the Scott is up five after the brick wall assembly. Oh, there you go, there you go. I think it fluctuates. My mother

also, it fluctuates like how much we need her. Do you know what I mean? Like sometimes you'll move away. Does she want to be needed or she likes to be needed? Yeah, you'll like to be like called, touch base with. If you go off on your own life for a little bit too long, she's like, oh well. Ring your brother then.

Oh, okay. Okay, so here are some signs from a psychologist on the fact that you may be the parents' favourite. Mum's favourite is often similar in personality to their own. It's hard. No, because that's every

mother's, like, every mother sees herself and her daughter with a bad attitude. Yeah, I'm like, my traits I got from my mum are probably some of her least favourite ones. Other signs include that your name or your birthday is her password. Are there passwords?

No, none of the children's are. I looked in the password notebook when I was back at Christmas and I'm not in any of them. My parents switch. Like I've been my mum's while Sam's been my dad's and then we switch and stuff. That's the good thing about having two kids. Yeah.

Yeah, each gets a favourite. You can have a favourite each and then switch around. More effort on the birthday. So if they've got a bit of a gift or a party. Okay, because they go to Australia to see my brother on his birthday. But they don't come up here to see you. They will, but it's just a little drive. Sometimes they will, but it's less of a drive.

They should really give you the cash equivalent of flights to Australia. I think so. Quite rude. Who they sit next to at a family dinner. Who they want to converse with more at dinner. Who they talk about the most. And of course, pictures adorning walls and offices and whatnot, if you're at the front there.

Now, I would say I was a little bit heavier, but I do work in the media and so they like to cut out clips. You also do go home and put up pictures of yourself in their house. Yeah, but only because it feels like they want them there as well. So I reckon the password one is the dead giveaway. Yeah, if you really want to take your siblings down a peg in the family photos around the house, force them to get separated.

Then they'll take down all the wedding photos and stuff. Oh yeah, that's perfect. We'll force your siblings into a divorce. Yeah, mess up your siblings' marriage and then when they get separated, they'll have to take down all those joint pictures from their wedding. That's so conniving.

Fletch just turned down his rings on his watch to nothing. He's a cheater. He's a cheater, cheater, pumpkin eater. Well, I'm having a day off today. A well-deserved day off. But a day off. You deserve a day off.

I'm not saying that that's a problem. Just let the watch record the day off. Hayley inappropriately touched me at the gym yesterday. I spanked him on the butt. I'm not saying that that's a problem. Just let the watch record the day off. Hayley inappropriately touched me at the gym yesterday. I spanked him on the butt. I heard this. You were on all fours, though. Not that I'm saying you deserved it, but you were on all fours.

Vaughn, the view I had was, honestly, chef's kiss. He was doing like bear crawl type stuff on his hands and knees in front of me, and I was lifting a plate behind him, and I just thought, that Lord, who are the lucky people that get to stand here? So I went up to him. type stuff on his hands and knees in front of me and I was lifting a plate behind him and I just thought That needs a smack. Who are the lucky people that get to stand here? So I went up to her. I put down my plate to go up to her and I did. I spanked him on the ass. Anyway, while you two

were gymming together yesterday, I went and watched August Had Athletics Day. Oh my god, that sounds so shit. She said, can you come and watch? I've been of the opinion lately that time is flying by with these children of mine. Yep.

And soon, well, they're not going to want me to go places and then they're going to be out living their own lives. And that terrifies me. And sometimes I just find myself getting quite upset about it. Because would you find that many parents actually turn up? Because my parents would always be working. Yeah, my parents were pretty good at coming to things if I asked them to go. But I never take part in the parent race.

I got to the parent race yesterday and they're like, Vaughan, Vaughan. I was like, no. You're looking at a 42-year-old guy who's carrying probably 15 kgs too much at the moment. Dodgy knee as it is. Bad back. Neck's been a little bit sore this week. He's been up since four. Yeah. I didn't bring my running shoes

I had them with a scattershot approach to excuses and I never take part in the Puritan race and then they ran and they were fast I was like

I would have been obliterated too I don't need that sort of embarrassment how embarrassing so I walked in and here's another thing I always turn up

to these events and I have to sit on the ground and I don't like sitting on the ground so I took a fold out chair okay you are officially old now

he's tired eh I'm tired he's a tired boy he has bones ache. And he's not getting enough vitamin C. And so I rocked him in my chair, and I didn't even think about it because it was a hot afternoon. I took a drink of water in this Stanley Cup lookalike dupe thing that August got from Kmart,

and then her grandmother bought her a Stanley Cup, so she's like, bye, dupe. And I was like, I'll have that. And it has been great because I've been pounding water lately I reckon I'm doing about two and a half three litres of water a day I mean I stood behind you

at the water thing yesterday and it took like five minutes to fill up that cup you drained it you drained the water so I walked in with my Stanley cup

and my fold out chair looking as American as you could possibly look yeah like a soccer mom and I walked by this group of kids and they were like that guy's got a Stanley cup

that cool dad that dad's got a Stanley cup whose dad is that I'd were like cool dad's that dad's gonna Stanley Cup whose dad is that I'd rather whose dad is that he's gonna Stanley Cup hey mister hey yo mister mister read all about it is that a Stanley Cup I said nah it's a juke and then they're kind of like ah you should have just said that's a good juke though oh okay that's a good juke though i mean thanks man yeah i mean kudos to k-mart because they do look like stanley cups just minus the logo a decent trip and then i kept walking and then the next kids were like the next group of kids were like dad's got a stanley that's august dad august dad it's got a stanley cup august dad's got a Stanley Cup. That's August's dad. August's dad's got a Stanley Cup. August's dad's got a Stanley Cup. And I went,

and drank from it. And they were like, oh, Dad. We've got a cool dad on our hands. And I did that thing with a fold-out chair. There's that gif or gif of it where the guy goes,

and flips out the chair like he's here to watch the drama. And I went, popped out the chair and sat there and drank. I mean, lap it up Because you're going to go From cool dad to

He'll go from cool dad To lame dad But then I think You'll circle back Yeah To hot dad I think you'll circle back Oh yeah

When they get to teenage Late teenage When you start ageing And getting a bit of grey and stuff But a hot dad Have you seen Lenny Kravitz At 60 He's just about to turn 60

He's got like abs and stuff Yeah He's a hot dad But funny eyes Have you seen him When his leather pants Funny eyes When He's just about to turn 60. He's got like abs and stuff. He's a hot dad. But funny eyes. Have you seen him with his leather pants? Funny eyes. And his leather pants split. Wait, why do I always wear sunglasses? He's got funny eyes.

You've seen him without his sunglasses on? No, I don't see funny eyes. There's your homework for the weekend. So wait, so you're just trying to tear him down there. What I'm saying is we're all looking too much at the package and the abs. Don't get me wrong. Phenomenally good looking man. Yeah, yeah, yeah, right,

but you were saying the eye. But he always wears sunglasses. And here he is wearing a gold eyeshadow. There's nothing wrong with the sexy man's eyes. Oh my God, yeah, that's hot. That's not the picture

I saw the other day. Someone's done him dirty. You've got a little bit of a bung eye too, though. Lenny Kravitz is hot through and through. I've got a bung eye. When I smile,

my scar side goes... Mine just happened one day. I'm looking at Lenny Kravitz's eyes and they are hot, hot, hot. Did you have a mini stroke and not realise? Perhaps. Perhaps I did. Don't know.

Got a Bell's palsy on your hands. Hey, have a good weekend, everyone. Yes, Georgia is up next. Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Up the wads. Tomorrow night, 9.30 kick-off in Melbourne. Are you kidding me?

Yuck, we should only play home games in my opinion. Beautiful 7.30 kick-off. I'll be in bed by the time they kick-off in Melbourne. Are you kidding me? Yuck, we should only play home games in my opinion. Beautiful 7.30 kick-off. I'll be in bed by the time they're kicking off in Melbourne. Georgia's up next, Friday Jams, and she will give you the next chance to win $38,000 with five on time at midday. See ya, see ya later. Actually, I'm going to have to stop you there.

That's copyrighted. Susie Cato's a very good friend of mine. She's already sued me twice, so if you could maybe get her to drop her litigious action, that's copyrighted. Susie Cato's a very good friend of mine. She's already sued me twice, so if you could maybe get her to drop her litigious action, that would be great. Tell her I'll review her five stars if she does the same for this podcast. And then she tells all her friends.

And if you're listening, maybe give it five stars as well.