ZM's Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley - Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley's Big Pod - 15th November 2024

Episode Date: November 14, 2024

Sunblock viral product SLP - How do you tie your shoelaces Time you need to swap out the condom Top 6 types of Americans we want here Final Rankings: Xmas Desserts No such a thing as a fish IV No would pick you up from prison Weird thing in your handbag Friday Flashback Colonoscopy update Fletch's Mum is running a rose show Fact of the Day How'd you know you'd married the wrong person?  See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

The ZM Podcast Network. The Fletchvaughan and Hayley Big Pod. Great things are brewing at McCafe. The perfect start to every day. Play ZM's Fletchvaughan and Hayley. Thanks Bryn, good morning. Welcome to the show Fletchvaughan and Hayley. It's two minutes past six.

Happy Friday. Oh my God, great news. Hayley's back. I am back. From the colonoscopy. Day off. Slight snuffle I've got this morning. Oh my God, great news. Hayley's back. I am back. From the colonoscopy. Day off. Slight snuffle I've got this morning. Oh, shivers.

But it's okay. This too shall pass. That's what I've been saying. Now, joining us on the show after seven this morning, some of your favourite podcasters. Yeah, no such thing as a fish. Yeah, and New Zealand did a show last night in Auckland. Sold out. Another one in Wellington a show last night in Auckland. Sold out.

Another one in Wellington going to Christchurch. They were originally when we booked this interview to promote the shows. The show's completely sold out. They're just going to come

and talk about the podcast. Which is one of New Zealand's most listened to podcasts. Yeah, it is. It's huge. It's been huge for years as well. They started on as writers, right?

Or they were researchers. They're the QI elves. They're referred to when Stephen Fry hosted QI, he referred to them as the QI elves that come up with all the questions and tidbits and such. Yeah. And yeah, they just started from there.

Started doing a podcast 10 years ago. This is their 10-year tour. Amazing. Oh, yeah. Big fan of No Such Thing As A Fish. All right. They're in after just a couple of them. Yes.

James Harkin and Andrew Hunter-Murray. We've only got a couple of microphones. Yeah. They were like, please, please, please, all of us. We're like, no, we just can't facilitate it. The top six on the way are in New Zealand immigration websites. Did they set up a special website like New Zealand.com or something like that?

I don't know. There's been a huge influx in Americans looking at New Zealand visa options. Yeah, 100%. It was as soon as Trump got elected. Yeah. There was a rise in a number of searches. Have you seen, so one of them was how to move to New Zealand. Yeah.

Another one was how do I change my vote? I know. Right up there with did Joe Biden drop out of the race? It's like, how do I change my vibe? How do I change my vibe? Do we want these people moving here? No offence to our American podcast listeners. Good morning.

Good morning. Good morning. Oh, they might be listening live. Hi, y'all. On iHeartRadio. Good afternoon. Tick, tick, tick. Tick, tick, tick.

That's a KPI. Here's a pen, babes. There's a pen. That's the KPI bell. Fantastic. Have you nominated the bell? Yeah, so the original bell, the long-term listener first time caller bell, and hot person walking past the studio bell.

Perfect. The KPI bell. You're slightly different. Hit them both at the same time. That's a perfect third. Is it? Yeah. That's a perfect third, and that makes me so happy.

I don't know what that means. Like on a scale, one, three, five would be your board. We need one that's five. We need five. We need another bell. Jesus. Well. We're going to sound them all.

If we sound them all, something very special happens. The top six. Top six of Americans we do want. Yes. Okay. Yeah, because some of them are great. Some of them are great.

Some of them are great. Especially the ones listening now. You're the great ones. Oh, they're the great ones. We're happy to have you. You should be number one all of our ones listening now. You're the great ones. Oh, they're the great ones. Maybe that should be number one all of our overseas American podcasts and TikTok fans. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

So a lot of them don't understand us when we speak. No idea. They just listen for like sort of a brown noise effect of just he-me-me-me-me-me-me-me-me-me to go to sleep. Silly little poll that's coming up.

It's all about how you tie your shoelaces because Shannon here does loops and then puts those around. She does bunny ears like a baby. Yeah, and then goes... Do you remember the double bunny ears thing you got taught as a kid? And it was before you knew how to tie them like an adult. I just got around. Talked more about it soon but I was

a very late bloomer when it came to tying my shoes. Yeah, spirals. That and puberty. He was like 21. He's got not that many pubes now. No. Which is kind of lucky. Yeah, next on the show. We all know the importance of sunblock, but what we don't know is it needs to be reapplied throughout the day, right?

Yes. There is a new product that's going to help us. Play ZM's Flesh, Vaughan and Hayley. The Flesh, Vaughan and Hayley show. That's how you should. Yes, the Flesh, Vaughan and Hayley show. When people write about us, not from New Zealand though, they do call it the Flesh, Vaughan and Hayley's ZM breakfast morning

show or something. I saw someone writing it about, writing about me actually in Australia and they wrote she hosts on the ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley morning breakfast show. It's like, no I don't. Anyway. What do you do? I think you do.

Is this a job? This is a job. I was just catching up with my homies. Oh, yeah. All right. Now, summer is around the corner, and we have been told time and time again, sunblock. Sunblock, sunblock, sunblock. Especially in New Zealand, for God's sake. We don't have an ozone layer.

We get burned in 10 minutes and severely. But sunblock doesn't just last forever. And this was a huge thing in the beauty world because everyone's like, sunblock's your number one gift to your skin. So we put sunblock on at, well, mine's was a huge thing in the beauty world because everyone's like sunblock's your number one, you know, gift to your skin. So we put sunblock on it. Well, mine's like 4.30 in the morning and then we're like, yeah, I've got sunblock on.

And then by the time it gets to lunchtime, the UV index is very high. You don't have any protection. Yeah, but I put sunblock on today. You got to reapply. There's this new product called UV detection stickers. They're cute. They come in heart, star, circle, and like cloud shapes.

Yeah. And you put them on your body, and as the sun kind of goes on it and is on it for a while, it changes colour when it tells you it's time to reapply your sunblock. That's a great idea. Wait, but aren't you going to have like a star or a heart? Yeah, well, that's why they've made them cute shapes. Yeah, so if you tan really easily, if you had it on your arm

and it was there to tell you, hey, Fletch, it's time to reapply. It doesn't speak, by the way. It doesn't have inbuilt speakers. It's not Bluetooth? Does it not connect to my UiBurn? Hey, Fletch, hey, Vaughan, time to put on my sunblock. No, I don't know why it's from New York either. I would want that accent on my sticker.

Oh, my God, it's hot in here. Put some more sunblock on No, I don't know why it's from New York either. I would want that accent on my sticker. Oh my God, it's hot in here. Put some more sunblock on for God's sake. No, you do, but you'd just be left with a cute little... Could you put it on...

So it detects your sunscreen. Yeah, and it's like... Or does it detect the sun? It detects the UV rays and how long you've been in it. So you'd put on your sunblock

and put that on at the same time. So that you put it on over top of the sunblock. Yeah, so it looks like a timer. Do you need to be putting this on your skin? Couldn't So you would put on your sunblock and put that on at the same time. So that you put it on over top of the sunblock. Yeah, so it was like a timer. Do you need to be putting this on your skin? Like, couldn't you just put it on your T-shirt sleeve? Because if it's just detecting UV and it changes colour

after a certain amount of time, wouldn't that save you having a... I think this is for kids. Oh, it says simply place a sticker on your skin. No, girlies are loving this. Oh, yeah, but initially these were for kids, right your skin no girlies are loving this oh yeah but initially these were for kids right and the girlies are just like i'm gonna have no no this is very much for women of my age okay but no because you're talking about a product that as a parent i have been aware of oh really yeah are these things yeah oh well then this has been

remarketed as like yeah and that's why I think it has been because the girlies are like OMG cute like a little a little fake heart tat

on my arm here that won't last forever but I can put Taylor Swift lyrics inside it while it does last that's right and because people

would do it they'd sunscreen up their kids slap one of those on send them to kindy that's so good and then people at kindy would be like

time to reapply. Or like school, early school. It's still a bit weird though. You're not like a pack of mints, you know, with a sticker on you. Oh, but do you know. You are a pack of mints if you stay out in the sun too long. If anyone's a pack of mints, it's you. You're a big pack of mints.

Yeah. Your chicken thigh's on special, bone removed. I am chicken thighs, boneless, skinless. Boneless, skinless. Oh, that's the best chicken. Thank you. Your best chicken. And I'm a big fatty cut of meat

No you're a gristly sausage No you're a reduced to clear I'm a reduced to clear sausage With hooves included I'll take that That's better than what I was hoping for Or just a pack of trotters I was going to be gravy beef

In those really big chunks But this is like Have you noticed I've seen this quite a lot. Do you know those pimple patches? Yes. That went viral. They were Korean skincare, you know, holy grail. Yeah. And you put the little circle patch on a pimple and it draws out the impurities.

You remove it and it's kind of sucked it dry. Do they actually work? Yes. Okay. When I first had acne, I used them all the time. It was amazing. But now I see girlies, and you'll notice if we go and get a little breakfast

after work sometimes, one of the girlies working there, she has them, and they're like not trying to hide them. They're like hearts and stars and stuff. And a gang. No, it's not. Or like Nelly. Like a sticker like Nelly. Anyway, I think these are cute because sunblock is very, very important.

Says the girl who has been ignoring her email from MOLMAP for the last two years. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley. Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley. Silly little po. Silly little po. It is so silly, silly, silly that the silly little po. Silly little po. Silly little pole. Silly little pole. Silly little pole.

Silly little pole. Silly little pole. This silly little pole you're about to see the Vaughn effect in. If I choose something. The Vaughn effect. The Vaughn effect. If I outwardly side with something before I ask people to pick a side. The people follow.

I sway. You don't think that though. No, I think. I sway. You don't think that though... No, I think... I sway. You're a bad thing of all effect. No, this is just the way everybody does it.

Yeah, this is just, you're just part of a majority. After I started doing it. This is you having never been part of a minority. This is you being a man of the majority.

I'm the majority man. And you think you're the shepherd. Sort of can follow me. No, I'm saying definitely a majority would have tied, the shepherd Sort of follow me No I'm saying Definitely a majority would have tied But maybe I swayed the other 40% I don't think so

Yeah yeah Look what I've done Look at my influence on this I ruined it guys It's like walking into a focus group And leading them one way There was an instructional video We asked how do you tie your shoelaces

Yeah Like a baby or an adult Should have been the option I never learned to tie it like a baby. I was a late bloomer because I loved my Velcro barter bullets. This is how Shannon, how would you describe how you tie a shoelace? Bunny ears. Bunny ears, which I think is the gift bow way,

which is why I do it like that. I think it looks a lot prettier. No, I tie my gifts like a shoelace. Scruffy. Well, I did not know I was a baby. You are a baby. And boy, oh boy, did the listeners let me know. I've been called five, I've been called six,

and called eight multiple times today. Oh, wow. Okay. Jade Arnold taught me to tie my shoes when I was nine. Nine. Oh, yeah. Nine? Nine.

Nine. That's embarrassing. Well, we would slip on sketches before then. Oh, Velcro. Velcro barter bullets. I love Velcro shoes. I still would. Did you have elastic spirally?

No, we would never have paid for that. Nine. That is so dumb. Yeah. I know, it was real dumb. That's real thick. Real thick. Yeah, nine.

When I was nine, I was already riding a motorcycle and hitting the clubs. Do you know what I mean? Grow up. I don't know. How embarrassing. Yeah, it was, man. I was on a Harley on my way to the clubs in town what I mean? Grow up. I don't. Embarrassing. Yeah, it was, man. I was on a Harley on my way to the clubs in town. Courtney Place.

Courtney Place. I was hooting up and down the drain. A nine-year-old on a Harley. Just seeing what's up for the night. Yeah, bartender's like, what can you get you? You're like, an orange juice. Orange juice, please. Make it pulpy because I'm a tough kid.

Make it double. I can handle the pulp. No ice because I want more. Orange juice. Man, you better chuck one of those flamingos on the side. Because I'm nine. Stabbed into another piece of orange. So, how do you tell your shoelaces?

Vaughn's way, or as we've established, not Vaughn's way. The normal way. The normal way. Yeah. 86%. Yeah. 9% said Shannon's way. Now, if you The normal way. Yeah. 86%. Yeah. 9% said Shannon's way. Now if you're doing the maths

we're missing 3% who voted for other. Other. Other. How do you read that? I hope we've got some messages from other. Do you think double notters? Do you think it was double? No, no. Double notters is what you do after you've done the initial knot. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Do you think it's those people who

don't cross over and do the tie before they do the bows? Some people just do the bow. Some people raw dog the bow. It'll come off in two seconds. What about, I was also thinking, for those people that leave their shoes done up with the laces going straight across,

purely for a steady. Oh, yeah, and they just pull them open, slip their foot in, and there's a bit of lace dangling around in there. No, but you've still got to do a knot, don't you? You still knot at the back, because that's how you do marching boots, is a cross up, a cross up.

And then pull it tight. Well, the results. Yep. The feedback. Which way do I click? Here. It's my first time using a computer. Wow, you're doing so well.

Vaughn, I don't need a hack when tying the shoes. Simple elegance. Simple elegance. Simple elegance. That's a stable knot, my man. Is that what that's called? A stable knot. A stable knot. Is that what that's called?

Yeah, it must be. Named after legendary broadcaster Ian Staples. I believe so, yeah. Who invented shoes. Yeah. I tie like Vaughn, but I taught my kids Shannon Way because it seems easier for them. Because it's got a story, eh?

Yeah, but you don't want them to be nine and thick like Vaughan. I was a thicko. I think both of them had a story. Something around the bunny. Bunny ears and then around and under the hood. Hoodle doodle. Yeah. Has Shannon got rocks in her head?

Possible. Possible. Possible. Very possible. Possible. Becca said bunny ears, a. possible. Possible. Becca said, Bunny is, aka Shannon's way,

aka I'm just a 36-year-old cold child trying to make it in an adult world. Yeah, it's hard out there. You've got to chuck your singlet on. You've got to rattle

those rocks around in your head. Yeah. And you've got to get out there. You've got to go to bed because you're showing off. Yeah. You've got to have a rest

this afternoon if you want to go out tonight. That's right. That sort of thing. Which seemed like punishment as a child, but oh, it's an absolute must. We must. A pre-night out nap is a must. I won't make it.

I am lazy. I've got pre-tied elastic laces for easy and quick on the move. Jeez. That's from Sister Fran. Do you think she's of the cloth? She could be of the cloth. Her profile picture is a nun in The Habit. Really? Yeah. I love a slipper. That's from Sister Fran. Do you think she's of the cloth? She could be of the cloth. Oh my God, and a fan of this show. Her profile picture is a nun in The Habit.

Really? Yeah. Does she mind that we give our lesbian listeners a personal greeting every morning? Or good morning to our listeners of the cloth? I don't know how many listeners of the cloth we have. Well, probably not many after what you've said and what you've said.

I'm the show's Catholic. And what you've said, yeah. As the show's Catholic, what you've said and what you've said. I'm the show's Catholic. And what you've said. As the show's Catholic, what you've said is horrendous. Yeah, I know. Yeah. I'm full of regret now. What if I cost us a sister friend? Emily said, Shannon's surely going to come undone within 12 seconds, aren't they?

Yeah. You double them still. Yeah, yeah. Still double. We're just debating the method. The initial method. Yeah, yeah. Still double. We're just debating the method. The initial method. Yeah. I'm left-handed,

and I could never figure out watching a right-handed person tie shoelaces, so I had to teach myself to do Shannon's technique. My husband, however, has taught our kids how to do it the proper way. You just switch which way. I just loop in the right and then wrap with the left, and you'd loop with the left and wrap with the right, right?

I don't know. Yeah. Don't think about it too much. It'll blow your mind. We've overthought it. Shannon's way. Case closed. Finally, she's right about something.

Give her a jingle. I like that it was a compliment as they hugged you and said, well done. They put a knife in your kidneys. I will say, if people can not message slurs about us as well,

we've had some horrible messages over this. A few R words towards me. People are passionate. Oh, my God. People can't use, you can't use the R word. So let's keep it clean in the DMs. I do have to screenshot the messages calling me an idiot.

My husband does it Shannon's way. What are they? A cold child who can't tie their shoes because their head is too full of rocks? I'm loving it. That's right. Shannon's way stays tied longer, says Jacob. No, incorrect. If you double knot, they just never come undone, so it's fine.

Have you ever had a double knot come undone? And you're like, what happened here? What's the sheer physics involved? If I've had a couple of drinks in moderation, I've once had to cut myself out of my Chuck Taylors. Because, you know, that particular lace is so tight, I've just come home and been like... I don't miss Chuck Taylors. Because you know, that particular lace is so tight. I've just come home and been like...

I don't miss Chuck Taylors. I'm going to be honest. I haven't worn them for... I don't know. I want to say eight or nine years. It gets so tight. And you know,

when you pull it and it just gets tighter and tighter and tighter. The only way out is cash. Do you know what I miss? What? High top. DC skate shoes.

Worn their back. People wearing them again. Their back, baby. Oh my God. His eyes just lit up I know they were so comfy I've seen them in stores

and I'm like my god this is happening all over again back what a big chunky one yeah big chunky chunky skate shoes yeah yeah yeah

oh daddy likes no that was something Hayley Bieber wore a pair and everyone was like oh okay we're back baby DC high time

no don't do your personal shopping in etnies you loved in etnies big fat big fat etnies etnies with the big E yeah cheaper than the DC DC high-tire nice gay shoes. No, don't do your personal shopping. And Etnies. You loved an Etnies. Big fat. Big fat Etnies. Etnies with the big E.

Yeah. Cheaper than the DC. That's why I went. Yeah. That's why I went Etnies. Oh, there's some sick shoes here, bruh. Yeah, there is. Bruh. Well, you can tie them up.

Bunny or the normal way. Bunny or the normal way. Play. ZM. Fletchvorn and Hayley. I could not believe this when I found this little article to share with you now. Play. ZM. Fletchvorn and Hayley. I could not believe this when I found this little article to share with you now.

Okay. Because we all, at Sex Ed, and I went to an all-girls school, but we still learnt about not just pregnancy and periods, which was definitely the,

sort of, at the forefront of our education. Yeah. But how to put on a condom. Oh yeah, and did you have like the wooden phallus? No, we had bananas. Yeah, bananas. Ban education. Yeah. But how to put on a condom. Oh yeah, and did you have like the wooden

phallus? No, we had bananas. Yeah, bananas. Yeah. Like quite old school. The wooden phallus does give an unrealistic expectation of stiffness. It's very large. It's just doweling, isn't it, that's rounded off at the end? No. What do you have carved?

Our school had a hardwood like a kauri or a I remember it was a pride and What? Do you have a carved? Our school had a hardwood, like a kauri or a, I remember there was a pride and place of the sex ed department. Wow. An old carved. Kia ora. I'm not talking, it didn't have the veins and everything. Right.

And the head. But it was just the shape of. I think the woodwork teacher made it on the lathe. Oh my God. Many moons ago. Amazing. Yeah. Because if you were a sex ed teacher and you went to the supermarket

for some bananas at lunchtime for your class coming up that afternoon you're going you're going small what would you do would you go like

small and skinny or would you go big and long would you go fat you'd get the biggest one the big you know those big straight ones that barely ever bend and you'd be like

oh I just got sort of you know an average size like that that's what you'd do and just see everyone in your class, you just see them just go deflated. But like you learnt the thing of like,

take another packet carefully, don't store it in your wallet, take another packet carefully, pinch the tip, then with the other hand, roll it down. That's the safest, make sure it's all good so that nothing escapes, right? That was the education. That's pretty much, yeah, what we learnt.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Was that what you learnt? Why are you laughing? I was the education. That's pretty much what we learned. Was that what you learned? Why are you laughing? Yeah. Why are you laughing? Okay. Why are you laughing? Two reasons. My parents just messaged saying we're on our way to the airport. We asked the

shuttle driver to change it to your radio station. Good morning. Good morning Smiths. Okay. Well driver to change it to your radio station. Good morning, Smiths. Okay, well. Mum and Dad, the six o'clock hour is often quite rogue. I think that probably changed away now. I assume it has because I've kind of my face has told you there's a story to be

told. Okay, bye. But I remember the first time. Bye, Mum. Get him to change it. Now. Now. Give her a couple of seconds. Mum, I'm serious. Bye. Mum, I'm not going to change it. Now. Give her a couple of seconds. Mum, I'm serious. Bye. Mum, I'm not going to start till I know you're gone. They're gone.

Okay, they're gone now. They're gone, yeah. I remember the first time I was to make love. Which was coincidentally in a caravan on my parents' back lawn. Yeah. As an 18-year-old because I moved home for summer and my brother and I didn't want to share a room so they hired a caravan. Rad caravan. Oh my god me. Amazing. There I was to make love.

I took it out and just panicked in the moment and unrolled the entire thing and then tried to get it off. Yes, yes. She was just like that's not going to work if you've got another one. Oh she said it. Yeah that's not going to work. Oh blessed. Yeah. Okay. Well no there's...

This is some advice that Hayley and I had never heard. I'd never heard this before. So this is from a doctor that obviously using condoms is all about preventing unwanted pregnancies and STIs. So you've got to be careful with them. You've got to use them right. And that's why they say never keep them in your wallet because it wears them down

and never use expired ones because they don't last forever, right? So apparently if you have great stamina and after 30 minutes, you're still going at it. Not a problem. I'm out. I'll leave. There's actually no more of this conversation I need to be part of.

30 minutes? Jesus Christ, be a gentleman. Wrap it up. It's an episode of Shortland Street. Sometimes you don't even make it through the intro. And sometimes you're not even at the first ad break. But no one's watching after the second ad break. Oh, God.

Okay, so if you're still going. That's actually rude to Shortland Street. I didn't mean it. I just meant it should take no longer than 22 minutes. Ads excluded. Yes, yes, yes, yes. I didn't mean to poo-poo on our homegrown soap. We love it and we love the people.

So for those that do have great stamina and are taking part in long lovemaking sessions, after 30 minutes, the integrity of your condom has been so compromised that it may no longer protect you against STIs and pregnancies. So you've got to change out. At what lubrication level?

No one told us this. Because someone might be... At the only acceptable lubrication level. What is the only acceptable lubrication level. No one told us this. Because someone might be... The only acceptable lubrication level. What is the only acceptable lubrication level? Very lubricated. Okay, good. Because that would have to be taken into consideration as well, right? Definitely.

Because the thing that's worn it down after 30 minutes, lubricated or not, is friction. Friction is weakening the condom. Which is why you shouldn't double bag. Yeah, because you're rubbing against rubbing against rubbing. It's not actually doing what you think. It's not double protecting you. It's not double protecting you.

It's creating more friction. I don't double. Don't look at me like I double bag. I don't double bag. He doesn't double bag. I don't look at me like I double bag. I don't double bag. I don't single bag.

I'm in a long-term relationship. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're all right. The only thing I double bag is chicken thighs. Sometimes the rubbish bin if there's leek stuff. Double bag, double bag the rubbish. So, yeah, over 30 minutes, play it safe. Tap out for some water.

Give her a glass of water. Switch up to a freshie. Yeah. It does, they do say, all based on, you know, how vigorous it is and all that kind of stuff. But they say it's worth making a pit stop at the 30-minute mark. Now you know. Now you know. are your parents still listening

I don't know I hope not good morning I don't know I just imagine they got out of the car but the shuttle driver's still just in this sort of shot

where are your parents going Australia in a shuttle oh that's nice yeah guess where see your brother Port Douglas you betcha

oh my god Port Douglas God boomers love Port Douglas don't they They love it. Play ZM's Fletchbourne and Hayley. Play ZM's Fletchbourne and Hayley. Blah, blah, blah. Blah, blah, blah, blah. This is the Top Six.

Do you have the exact numbers of how many people? Registrations from those in America to live and work in New Zealand are the website, the official government site, marketed to potential migrants, leap from about 20 a day to 1,300 on the 7th of November. That's right. This is Americans. Come on down.

That amounts to a 6,500% increase. Yep. Wow. I mean, it looks pretty good from the outside, doesn't it? New Zealand? Yeah. Looks, you know what? Looks pretty good from the inside. Oh, God, yeah. I just don't want to keep telling people how great it is. Yeah.

I mean, there's some stuff happening that's not great, but then there's the people who are like, at the moment, the Hickory's going on and there's a lot of, like, powerful, but then there's the people who are like, at the moment, the Hickoy's going on, and there's a lot of powerful opposition to that, which is lovely to see. Don't, don't. Too late, bro. She started. No, don't do that.

Don't do that. Tell the young Māori woman who just ripped up the paper in front of you that's studying the Hucka not to do it. See how that goes. Oh, now they're all going. Here we go. All right, so there's going to be some Americans who want to live here.

We don't want them all. No. We don't want them all. We don't want them all. Not all of them. Yeah. Let's get some hot brown people over here. Do you know what I mean? That's what I'm saying. Let's spread out our quota. Number seven. Number seven on the list at the top. I wasn't going to say that, but I'm absolutely on board. Hot brown

people. Yeah. Hot brown people. If you're American and you're hot brown. Sure. Hot brown people. Yep. That should just be number 7 on every list Yeah, hot brown people is 7 on everything Top 6 types of Americans we'll have Please Number 6 on the list

One Kardashian Kendall She's a Jenna Technically a Jenna But falls under the Kardashian umbrella Kendall She's half Kardashian You want to go Kendall? I reckon she's boring It falls under the Kardashian umbrella. Yeah. Kendall. She's half Kardashian. Yeah.

I'm going to go on that. You're going to go Kendall? I reckon she's boring. But it's good for the exposure for the country and stuff, but it's not too much. I'll bring Khloe. We'd have a lot of fun. Oh, Khloe's a lot.

A lot. Number five on the list of the top six types of Americans we will have, please, are the ones that make those tight burritos. Oh, yeah. Really tight? Really tight. It's almost going to explode. It's all in the fold.

It's all in the fold. How do they do it? It's the tuck. You've got to get your fingers involved with the filling. Yeah. Get it in there. Yes. They really know how to stuff a burrito, don't they?

They really do. They really get it going. We've got too much room in ours. Yeah. And if they do pack them tight here, the minute We've got too much room in ours. Yeah. And if they do pack them tight here, the minute you start, it all just blows itself to pieces, sort of self-implodes.

Yeah. Number four on the list of the top six types of Americans we will have, please, are the ones in those marching bands that do all those things before the football. Yeah. Oh, yeah, they do the big marching band displays. Yeah, we can do that before the All Blacks

and the Super Rugby games. Yeah. Get some batons twirling. Yeah. Fun. Go full. Get the drums. Get the big marching band displays. Yeah, we can do that before the All Blacks and the Super Rugby games. Yeah. Get some batons twirling. Yeah. Fun. Go full. Get the drums. Get the big tubers

and French horns and such. Yeah, great. Walking around and then all of a sudden from a bird's eye view it looks like Spongebob. Yeah, great. How'd they do that?

We'll have one of those. Number three on the list of the top six types of Americans we will have, please, Tom Hanks. Oh, yeah. He's lovely. We'll have Tom Hanks. We'll take him. We'll take him. How is he ever upset? Not his have, please. Tom Hanks. Oh, yeah. He's lovely. We'll have Tom Hanks.

We'll take him. Who's he ever upset? Not his son, though. Not his weird son. Not that one. Yeah, not that one. Is he right? He's right-wing, eh?

He's a bit weird, too. Yeah, right. It's like, how are you his son? Yeah. Yeah, it doesn't fit. Number two on the list of the types of Americans we will have, on the top six types of Americans we will have, number two are quiet ones.

Right. Okay, yeah. Something a bit loud. I mean, that's rich, coming from you. But I was born here, so. I was in Christchurch last weekend and, man, there was like a group of five, they were screaming down the street. Yeah, they really

let it rip, eh? Yeah. And number one on the list of the top six types of Americans we will have, please, yeah, yeah. They really let it rip, eh? Yeah. And number one on the list of the top six stars the Americans will have, please, Spider-Man. He's not... Oh. He's New York based.

Yeah, yeah, but he's a... No, but he's a character. Oh, how do I say this? He's not real. He's a character in a fictional world. I don't think so. He's like Batman.

Yeah. Yeah. Oh, darling, also not real. Yeah, but not... That's fake. Yeah, so... Okay, we'll talk about this off the air. We'll talk about... Yeah. Yeah. Oh, darling, also not real. Yeah, but not in, that's fake. Yeah, so, okay, we'll talk about this off the air. We'll talk about it. Yeah.

I was going to say Spider-Man probably wouldn't have liked it here because there's not enough high-rise building stream to swing off. Yeah, yeah, he'd go to shoot out and there'd be not another one. Nothing. Like, no, we're done. Nothing. Now you're telling me he's not real? What a day.

What a thing to reckon with. That's today's top six. ZM's Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley. Went for a walk yesterday. Nice. How long? Well, I got to the gym and I'd forgotten my shoes. So I went home and had a nap. Oh, that's right. Then I woke up and I felt

a little bit guilty. Yeah. I've been closing them rings lately. And then the kids got home and they were just sitting down. I was like, you guys want to take the dogs for a walk? And they were like, yeah. So we harnessed up the dogs and headed out on the road. Oh, nice. August, we came around the corner. It was sort of a first piece of roadkill.

And August said, I'm going to pick up a stone every time I see a dead thing on the side of the road. And then when she got home, she walked in on the bench and just went, dropped all these stones and said, Sade, what do you think these stones represent? Oh, my God. Okay, that's dark. She's twisted. I love it. It was a bit dark.

And Charlotte, I guess she's like, each one of these stones represents a dead animal we saw. Wow. She's going to be a goth witch like you were.

100. Yeah, she's got all the makings of it. Don't spend any money. I've got half a wardrobe full of goth gear that she can just absolutely inherit.

Beautiful. Thank you. Thanks for the savings. Yeah, my pleasure. From goth to goth. Yes. They must pass the baton. Yes. But the other, we the savings. Yeah, my pleasure. From golf to golf. Yes. They must pass the baton. But the other, we were just talking about like rubbish and stuff. I said

next time we come, we should bring a bag and pick up some of this rubbish. You know, just trying to, you know, instill some good values of, and it blows my mind people still litter. It blows my mind people still litter. You're walking out in the country where it doesn't matter if you take a can out the window. Oh no, it does. It really, really does. I'd say less so than in the city.

No, more so than in the city it matters. So for wildlife, that's why she saw so many dead ones. So they were there to eat the leftovers and get smashed back up. Maybe that's why there is so much rubbish. People are getting a fright. They're running over all these animals and accidentally leaving their can out the window. No, I think they're just being a-holes.

Yeah. No, well, my golden retriever appreciated the half a pie that a tradie threw out the window yesterday. Thanks for that. Thanks for that. He's a big fat idiot. I got talking about a specific aspect of the rubbish was aluminium

cans. Oh yeah. Seeing aluminium cans. Yeah. And I said to the girls, I was like, when we were kids we'd collect aluminium cans. We had sacks and sacks and sacks of them. We'd collect them from anywhere. If there was an event, like Dad used to do cycling, if they were doing a cycling event, we'd be like, we'll collect the cans. Or if there was a school thing, we'd be like, we'll have the cans. Yeah, you'd take them in, they'd weigh them.

And you would get paid in cash for aluminium scrap. Which you could then take straight to the dairy and buy Lollies. Lollies and chocolate. I remember we had a cage tandem trailer, massive trailer with a cage on it, and it was full of sacks of cans. Wow, that would have been so much. And I think we made like 120 bucks.

Wasn't it like, because this was kind of around, but not very popular by the time I was a kid. Does there, was there, it was like 10 cents a can? Nah. Shit, no. No.

One cent a can. It was all on weight. Where we took them was, it was in Frankton, behind the McDonald's, because that was the thing, it was also dangerously close to McDonald's. So the minute you had that cash in your hands

from the scrappy, it was like, mum, drive through. Yep, straight away okay you can use your money to pay for that

yeah so we'd but then I was just and they were like can we do it I was like I don't know if you can still do it

I know there's still scrap metal dealers but I don't know if there's that there's definitely not the cash for cans drive that there was at the time well because it's so much

easier to recycle recycling is so much easier. People just recycle at home. Yeah. But I was just, because when we were walking around, I was like, I think girls, it's a thing that you'd pick up the rubbish and make a collection, and one day when you've got a big enough collection, you'd take it in.

But it's not sort of like, let's retire on can money. Yeah, no. How did he make his millions? He would go for a walk with his dogs and pick up cans when he saw them. That was good stuff. It was so good, but then it got ruined. And you and I have talked about this, but people putting sand

in the bottom. Yeah, I always used to do this. And then stomp in the cans, or stones in the bottom. A layer of stones and stomp in the bottom. Free money. Double the weight. Free money. Oh, but then they're not recycling it properly. Nah, they'd all melt down They'll just wash it out Yeah

You couldn't take the piss too nice It would not all melt down People were putting Bloody roading aggregate in there To weigh it down I mean yeah You couldn't turn up With just a

Standard Shopping bag And then it's like 20kg No And that was a thing They got to They got to eyeballing

Just put a sprinkle of sand In each can before you crushed it. A sprinkle of sand. A couple of pebbles or a couple of rocks. You've ruined this for the likes of Vaughan's kids now. Okay, someone's messaged in. We still do it. You only get $10 per black bag. I think that's on par with what we're getting back in the day.

We weren't getting that much. That'd be pretty cool. $10 is great. Crushed cans. Because you're a kid, it was lots of money. And it the day. We weren't getting that much. That'd be pretty cool. Ten bucks is great. Crushed cans. Because you're a kid, it was lots of money. And it was rubbish. You were getting money for rubbish. Yeah.

And all you had to do was pick up the rubbish when you saw it. And to help the environment. Hey, mister. Hey, mister, when you finish with that big can of Lion Red cans, I have it. Why don't you chuck it over here? Yeah. And now we've got- Why is everyone talking American?

We're children in the tune of the century, so we put a gallon in your hands and then we go down to the street corner and be like, read all about it. Hey, mister,

those shoes sure need a shower. Play ZM's Fleshborn and Hayley. It's the final rankings. We do this every Friday, final rankings. We rank things.

Today, it's desserts at Christmas. Yeah. Because I think I share every Christmas that my family has a famous homemade ice cream recipe that we make every Christmas. We never make it any time of the year. What kind of ice cream is it?

Strawberry ice cream. That's right. You have talked about this before. Yeah, my son, my son, Sam. Beautiful son. My oldest son, Sam. Named after your brother. Named after my brother.

My brother came home from kindy with a little newsletter and it had the recipe in it and it's been every Christmas since then. Oh, wait, so it's not a secret family recipe. It's a generic, probably a woman's weekly Christmas. No, no one else knows it. Every time I talk about it, someone messages in the recipe. I'm like, shh. What is it?

What's the recipe? I should never tell. I should never tell. I talk about it. Someone messages in the recipe, I'm like, shh. Sprout family secret. What's the recipe? I should never tell. I should never tell. I'll make it for you. I'm going to make it for you and you can try it before Christmas because it will blow your mind. You know what? You should bring it to our Christmas cocktail podcast record. I will. And then I'm going to bring little brandy snap bowls and then I'm going to scoop my homemade strawberry ice cream into it. Into the brandy snaps

because I always thought that's the weakling of the brandy snap, the whipped cream. Yeah. It needs something else in there. Sprout ice cream into it. Into the brandy snaps. Because I always thought that's the weak link of the brandy snap, the whipped cream. Yeah. It needs something else in there. Yeah, sprout ice cream. Okay, that's what I'm going to do for the podcast. Yeah. Okay.

Like a piped ice cream would be great. Which, by the way, people can still submit for, right? Our podcast. Our Chrissy podcast special. Absolutely they can. Yes. Absolutely they can. Cocktail special.

So what else? To 9696 if you want the link for a shout out during the record Google traditional Christmas desserts. So Christmas pudding is a tradition that in one form or another dates back to the 14th century Yeah, because it was supposed to be

like the northern hemisphere was more settled at the time and it was winter and it was like a holiday in the middle of it to try to shake off the winter blues, right? And you get a little extravagant and use some of your rarer ingredients to make a luscious meal. This news article and this study out of the UK

showed that 59% said that, you know, the once popular Christmas pud, it's not an important part of Christmas Day anymore. So this is your steamed sort of fruity pud that you sit and flambé sometimes by pouring brandy on it and you set it ablaze. Yeah, and you hide coins in it and then you accidentally eat coins. So Nan's like I'll just give you some coins. No more.

We're not eating coins. That could be a choking hazard. Nan's lost a tooth. I don't know. We always have like a, mum always makes a pav. Love a pav. Love a pav. We're not pav. We're p pav. You can't go wrong. We're pav people. You're not pav people. My mum does a, what's that stuff? Panettone.

You know that bread? It's like the Italian bread with like fruit in it. And then she'll make like a bread and butter pudding out of it. Oh, yum. She does that. I love bread and butter pudding. With like a thick kind of sweet fruity Italian bread. Kind of croissant-esque.

Yeah. Yeah, that's real nice. But I think we should go your tradish. Your Christmas puds, your trifles, your brandy snaps. Your pav. Tiramisu. Your Christmas mince tarts.

Tiramisu. I'm Italian, so. Oh my God, I always forget. Bonjour, Amal. I'm not, but I just thought, how good would tiramisu be at Christmas? I've had tiramisu on Christmas. Do we say trifle?

Trifle's got to be on there. It's got to be Auntie Eve's trifle. Auntie Eve makes a boozy trifle. I know but we do it way too much in one year and everyone is like Jesus Christ that's flammable. We, Aaron's sister does trifle at our Christmas when we do Aaron's family but we've got lots

of kids present so we don't booze it. Whereas when we sproul family and my brother makes a trifle Jesus makes a really good trifle. Someone said, have you guys got rocks on your head on Christmas Day? Why would you only have one dessert? No, we're not saying that. Yeah, no, we're not saying that.

We're ranking our favourites. We're not going to be on the table. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We're definitely multi-dessert. Every single dessert that's been mentioned is welcome. Yeah. Yeah, absolutely. It's always like, it's just a table full of everything.

There's ice cream. There's custard. There's brandy snaps. There's, yeah. Trifle. Some messages in. Self-sourcing pudding? No, that's a year round.

Ambrosia. That's Christmas. But you can have ambrosia anytime. You can have a self-serving pudding for Christmas. Just put like... Self-serving pudding. It puts itself in your mouth. You go, oh.

Have you ever had it? You just sit there and open your mouth and it pops in. It kind of flies in. And then when that's in your mouth, it says, unknown item in the mouth area. You're like, you put it there. Self-sourcing. Banoffee, yum.

But I wouldn't say Christmas specific. It doesn't feel super Christmassy. I would say, you know what, and this is free plug, but every year, comedian Brinley Stent does a fantastic social media campaign for what she's going to bring for Christmas Pud. Oh, yeah. Every year. And she takes votes and then it goes down, down, down, down, down.

And you follow it for like almost a month. Oh, wow. Okay. She must be due to start that. Yeah. I look forward to it every year. Okay. I'm going to go.

Oh, cheesecake someone said. What's wrong? Ooh, yuck. I just don't like cheesecake. Are you serious? I love cheesecake. Oh, my God. I want someone to invent, oh, cheesecake, someone said. What's wrong? Ooh, yuck. I just don't like cheesecake. Are you serious? I love cheesecake. Oh, my God. I want someone to invent a Christmas lamington.

Just hear me out. This guy loves lamingtons. I love, you know how much I love a bougie lamington. Do you know what lamingtons he loves so much? Have you seen him when he's in Australia? Oh, my God, the 7-Eleven lamingtons are the best. And they're in a packet, like a stale, non-cream lamington. Yeah, it's fake cream.

Yeah. I don't know why, but, you know. He, like, trots in like a giddy little girl. Yeah. Hee-hee-hee with his lambington. They do. In fact, anyone coming back from Australia, bring me a 7-Eleven chocolate lambington.

Yuck. It won't get through customs. Yes, it will. It's fully sealed and packaged. Yeah, it's fully sealed and packaged. Oh, my God. Listen to this. Dessert lasagna, someone just fully sealed and packaged. Oh my God, listen to this. Dessert lasagna, someone just texted.

A what? Kit Kats for the pasta sheets. Layers of marshmallow as I guess your bechamel. Crumbed up cookie dough as the mints and gently bake until everything melts and then cut it. Get out of here. You bake it?

That is insane. I mean, it sounds amazing, but that is insane. Okay, have a tiny slice and then be like... That is insane. I mean, it sounds amazing, but that is insane. Okay, have a tiny slice and then be like. Also bring that to the Christmas podcast special record. Oh, someone said the Christmas log. You know the log? Oh, like a chocolate sponge. With the cream and then you put chocolate over it and you carve it like a tree.

Yes. Chrissy log. Your log. Your log, that's right. And the icing looks like bark. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Lamington wreath. Someone said. I've done a pair of wreaths. Kelda. Okay, I'm going to be your log. Your log, that's right. And the icing looks like bark. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Lamington wreath. Someone see it?

I've done a pair of wreaths. Kelda. Okay, I'm going to go. I'll just start. Brandy baskets or brandy snaps. I love them, but you only get them at Christmas. Teeth smashers. Yeah, love it.

With Sproul ice cream, but we're just going the classics. Two, I'm going the most boozy, sloppy, jelly custard trifle. Yum. Yum. Yum, yum, yum. A dry trifle I've. Yum. Yum, yum, yum, yum. A dry trifle I've got no time for. No, no, no. It's got to be soppy.

The sponge has to be nearly gone. Yeah, yeah. And three, you can't beat a Pav. Pav with fresh fruit, not too eggy. Yeah. More meringue-y than you get. And that time of the year, get really good strawberries on top of the Pav

with a crumbled up flake. Yes, yes. Maybe a bit of mint and pomegranate if you're being fancy. I think I'd agree with you. Those would be mine. They're great, eh? I'll lock in the same top three. I am changing out

the brandy snacks for a Christmas pod. Just for an honourable mention. Because to me it is Christmas fashion. I know, but my nan makes it every year. So it's like, I've never had a Christmas without it. Oh, okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. I hope still taking it. I hope my mum's ready to take up that mantle when we lose.

Have you got the recipe? I don't know. It'll be written down somewhere. It's one of those ones I don't even know if there is a recipe. She's just, it's programmed. Chucking in. Yeah, she's just chucking. We'll get her to write it down.

Yeah, I'll get her to write that down actually. So I think if we're, based on that, we're saying that a boozy trife. Boozy trife. Yeah. Boozy trife. Oh. Boozy trife. Oh my God, we have to bring Christmas puddings to the cocktail special.

Ambrosia didn't make anybody's final three. I don't like marshmallows. Oh, you don't like marshmallows. Oh, I do. I know you do. I like Ambrosia. Lollicake. Yep.

That's not Christmas. Christmas lollicake. And someone said, I agree, Fletch cheesecake, get in the bin. Yeah, get in the bin. Cheesecake's trash.

Oh my God. Don't do it. Yeah, it is. Don't tell the factory or the shop. Don't tell the factory or the shop. They're heartbroken. Play ZM's Fletchbourne and Hayley. Play ZM's Fletchbourne and Hayley.

We're joined in studio by two men from a podcast that I've listened to for years and years. No Such Thing As A Fish is the podcast. And James Harkin and Andrew Hunter-Murray are in studio. Hello. Hello. Hey. Hello. Hey, guys. How are you doing? This is good.

Having you on the show because I always listen to the podcast. Oh, yeah. I know what you look like and I know your voices, but I've never seen the two work together. Yeah. What a treat. We have a problem on the show in that a lot of people listen to the show when they're falling asleep. Yeah. So people come to our show and say, halfway through I was nodding off.

I'm not sure what that says about us, really. It is weird. I'm a brown noise guy to get to sleep. Do you ever listen to brown noise? What's that? So it's like a more, it's a softer version of white noise. Like staticky.

Yeah, it's like a staticky. It's not that noise that makes you want to shoot yourself. No. But there is a sound, right? It's a mythical sound. I don't think it really exists. But yeah, and it's not directional either. It couldn't be weaponized,

I believe. Scientists are working on these things all the time. So maybe they've found it by now. But they're working on it. Until the next world war breaks out and we all start shitting ourselves mysteriously. I guess they did it. Well done. So you guys have

you're celebrating, how many episodes of your podcast now? 500 or something. We're 10 years in. This is our 10 year tour. It's our birthday tour. Wow. It's been amazing. And how did it all start? Because you guys worked for QI. Is that the origins

of the podcast? So the TV show QI that was hosted by Stephen Fry and is now Sandy Toksvig in the UK. I think it's on TV here, right? Yep. And we were behind the scenes guys who were just sort of writing the questions or whatever, but we were coming up with so much extra material all the time because QI is a 30-minute show, a 45-minute show,

and we spend six months of the year researching it. And so we found that we were having a lot of chats in the, in the office, just sort of blowing the breeze about just this fact, that fact, the other facts. And we thought podcast is a new thing. Why don't we give it a go? And we did a couple of pilots and put one out and then accidentally said, this is a weekly podcast. And then so many people listened to the first couple, we were kind of priced in then. Yeah. Wow. So the format of the show is four people,

for those who haven't listened, and you're one of the most popular podcasts in the country, so we're talking to a minority here, but four people each bring a fact, but off the back of each fact, there's also sort of mini facts on the same subject. Yeah, so we'll each bring a sort of headline fact. So let's say, like, when a zebra is running away from a lion,

it will fart loudly with every stride, right? That's just a, that's a fact. Yeah. And we will then find out, we will find out the other facts off the back of it. We'll find out more about lions and more about zebras and more about animals chasing each other. Or more about farting.

Or more about, almost certainly more about farting. And so so then we meet up we don't know what the others have found out so it's uh it's i was trying to sell it to someone the other day this podcast and i said it's basically like a very heavily scripted pub chat where you've you've been able to do homework in advance and you turn up and say oh actually i heard something about farting the other day and so and we chat but we don't know what the others have got and so it just piles in and we all add up the facts and the jokes and it turns out to be a show and do you have any idea when you did those first two that it would be taking you to the other side of the world one day no not in a million years i always had a hunch you know what to be fair dan schreiber who's one of the other two with Anna Tchinsky as well, Dan really thought it might do because he had been listening to American podcasts and

seen how big they got. And in the UK, we hadn't had that mushrooming yet. But he thought that there was definitely going to happen in the UK. Podcasts were going to get big. He thought maybe we could ride that wave. And then Serial came out, which was the big one. That's right. Yeah.

And then suddenly that came out. People were big one that's right yeah yeah and then suddenly that came out people were listening to podcasts and they were like oh i wonder what else there is out there um yeah we kind of wrote that way in the space perfect positioning great timer uh my i just when you mentioned dan one of your other uh co-hosts my favorite game when people haven't heard dan i'm like where do you think this accent's from? I used to keep a list on my phone of where people had guessed over the years. Yeah, yeah. Because he's Australian, but spent time on a military base. Not as far as we know.

He wasn't a military base. He was in Roswell for a while. He was in Area 51. Yeah, yeah. He was developing this round noise. He grew up in Hong Kong. He grew up in Hong Kong. He was a boy in Hong Kong,

and then his family came back to Sydney when he was a teenager. So his formative years were in Sydney and then he came to Oxford and London. He's an international accent. People guess everywhere. I think I thought military base because you know when you meet people

and you're like, why is your accent like that? And they learn English on a military base somewhere else. Taught by someone whose English is their somewhere else. Yeah, yeah, yeah. English is their second language. Yeah, that's great. That's good stuff.

Well, here's to 10 more years and 500 more podcasts. Thank you. Is there a week where you're just like, it's dry, guys. There's nothing that we haven't yet talked about. You'll find a fact, like geese fly upside down when they're coming into land. And sometimes you'll look at it and you think,

I can't work out where to go beyond that. And then you turn over one rock of interestingness. And you go, oh my goodness, this is the most amazing thing. I never want to stop reading about geese and their weird flying techniques. So normally something will always happen. A lot of our job is wading through hours and hours of tedium for that one.

It's like test cricket. You're just like, it's really, really boring and then you just get that one moment that goes, this is worthwhile. Yep. And then five days later

it ends in a drawer. That was a great use of time for everybody. James and Andrew, thanks so much for coming in. Thank you. Thanks for having us. Play ZM's Fletch,

Fawn and Hayley. Okay, I was scrolling on Instagram yesterday in bed. I slept yesterday for like four hours. Congratulations. I had drugs on like four hours. Congratulations. I had drugs on board. We are going to talk about your colonoscopy

later on the show. The results and how silly I was on the drugs. But yesterday afterwards, you know, you get home, you're really shattered. So I was scrolling through Instagram and just one of those, you know, clips of a podcast came up and it was a group of men on a podcast.

I didn't go any further, but he just posed an interesting question and immediately I had an answer in mind. Okay, go. Something's happened. You're on holiday. Something's gone wrong. You found yourself in a South American prison. Okay.

You are in big trouble, right? You are in big trouble. Okay. You are in extreme trouble. They give you... Did you do it? Whatever you were in trouble for, did you do it? Or are you standing wrongly accused? I don't think they go into...

They didn't specify whether or not you're guilty of the crime. And almost, I feel like it doesn't matter. Okay. In order to answer this question. You're in a South American prison. Someone comes into you

and says you're allowed a one-minute phone call and that's going to be in 30 minutes' time. And that's the only phone call you're going to get after which? If they don't answer, you don't get to try again? Let's say no. They didn't specify that in the question. Who are you calling? And in my head, I was immediately like, Fletch.

I thought you'd call Patsy. No. No, because she'd freak out. She'd be like, what have you done? Oh my God, oh my God. Okay, you're just going to calm down and I'm going to have a look. She'd get into business and she'd make stuff happen. But I think, and I say this with love, but you would be able to do it with the emotion removed.

You love me emotionlessly and that would be a stumbling block for in this moment. Your first stumbling block in this moment. Your first stumbling block would be he won't answer a call from an unknown number. If it was South American? Yeah, maybe, maybe,

maybe, maybe. He would recognize that plus something, something. Yeah. Bolivia. Bolivia, which one of my lovers? Because what you need, right,

is you need someone who's going to not only be like, oh my God, are you okay? But who is then going to be like, leave it with me. Yeah. Like, leave it with me. That you've got one minute, you've got 60 seconds in which to explain the situation. I don't mind a little holiday, even if it's picking up Hayley from jail.

Yeah, you need someone who's going to come over, drop everything, that doesn't have kids, you know, who's like, oh, I can't, you know, I've got the kids or whatever. Has a sound mind, well-travelled, speaks the language. Because I do Duolingo. I do Duolingo Spanish. You're going to have to brush up on the flight there,

I reckon. Yeah. You're, because you rescuing her from a South American prison. Yep. Action movie. Yes. Me going, but not being able to find anyone

to look after the kids. So how do you take that? Comedy. Comedy. And you're taking the kids. Family comedy look after the kids So I had to take that Comedy Comedy of eras And you're touching the kids Family comedy Because the kids are there Yeah great

But then we all learn Something about ourselves By the end Yes Yes Yeah Love that But to me it was so immediate

To be like There's so many elements Of Fletch That would make him The right person To use your one minute call Can he bail you out When he gets there

Or is he going to have To break you out He has He's just left with the information and has to do it. So he might have to call an embassy. He might have to do these things. There's a lot of gaps. Vaughn is not the kind of person that is

going to be good in this situation. There's a lot of admin. When he might come to the phone, a lot of admin. I think if I called you, Vaughn, you'd call Fletch. I'd get on the blow at a house of travel. About how much? I'd be on the blow at a house of travel yeah how much? I'd be like

best of luck to her Jesus is there anything cheaper? I don't mind going the long way yeah your friend is in prison I know where she is she's not going anywhere

she's in prison it doesn't matter if it takes any longer to get there yeah who's your answer Vaughan? because it's probably Fletch probably Fletch well Fletch who's your answer? well I'm screwed to get there. Who's your answer, Vaughan? Because it's probably Fletch. Probably Fletch. Well, Fletch, who's your answer?

Well, I'm screwed, aren't I? You've got no one like you in your life. Yeah. What if I took a long shot and called the ex-Prime Minister of New Zealand? Cindy. Wow. She's not going to want to be here.

She could pull some strings. She's not in office anymore. She'd know who to see. She'd get Helen on the phone. Get Helen to come down and get me. Drag me out of there by my ear. Oh, Vaughn, what have you done? Come with me, boy.

You bloody naughty boy, Vaughn. No, but probably Fletch. Yeah, Fletch. Who are you calling then? Well, I'll probably call Hayley. Oh, my God, no. Oh, my God, me? Yeah, you'll be fine.

Hey, those 30 seconds has gone laughing. I'm laughing. Yeah. He's over to South American prisoners. Is that what they call it these days? Wait, let's get more on the call as well. We're going to have a roast of you. And then I answer, hello.

Fletch is like, I'm in a South American prison. Maybe you get it done. Do, do, do. Oh, why do you hang up? We're only just getting started. That's the minute gone. Yeah. Maybe our friend James, maybe he'd be the one to call.

Oh, dear. Oh, no. No, he'd get flustered. He'd get so flustered. He'd get blown in. Oh, no. Yeah, no, not James. Not he'd be the one to call. Oh, dear. Oh, no. Oh, no. Get flustered. Get so flustered. Get flustered. Oh, no. Yeah, no, James. Not James.

Or your staff. Yeah, I'll probably call you. You'd get it done. You'd just get it done. I'd get it together eventually. Call your mum. Bev's got... She's got things to do.

She'd be like, I've got things to do. I've got things to do. If you're still there in two weeks after the Rose show, I'll see how I'm going. Exactly. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley. We sort of discussed an idea last week after Vaughn...

A trilogy of such. Yeah, played... Are we really doing the trilogy? Well, I'm on board. Carwin's not on board. Bangers. Let me do some thinking about it. Absolute bangers. Who wouldn't want an Alien Ampharm trilogy? Well, I'm on board. Carwin's not on board. Bangers. Let me do some thinking about it. Absolute bangers. Who wouldn't want an Alien Ant Farm trilogy

in their life over three weeks? Yeah, I think we're going to go Alien Ant Farm trilogy. We know the trilogy. I'm just not sure which one I'll do and you'll do, Fletch. Okay. I'll be left with the dud one, will I? No, you won't. There is no dud one. There is no dud one. There is no dud one. Of the three songs that they have. Of the three songs. Yeah. Of the three songs

that they have. Yeah. Okay. Right now though. Trilogies with a Oh sorry we've got something else. What? I was going to say trilogies with the last one was the best one. What movie? But you've already played the best. Yeah I know. Last one was the best one. Oh god. No none of them. None of them.

No not Lord of the Rings. No. Fellowship of the Ring. Anyway, sorry, we digress. Now, I want to talk right now about the weirdest thing that is in your handbag. Because I've got mine next to me. I don't have my proper handbag, but I've got my work bag here.

And there are some weird things in there. Because a woman went to de clubs and a bouncer was like, can I see through your handbag? And she was a little bit mortified, thinking oh God, what's in there? Is this like somewhere where they like check for guns and stuff, like overseas where they're like... No, sometimes these bars in New Zealand that still check handbags. Yeah, because smuggling booze into

Oh yeah. They always used to check the gals back in my day. Yeah. Yeah, right. They used to check the girls' Roxy handbags. The little Roxy one-shoulder you know, satchel. Yeah, for booze and stuff being smuggled in. Yeah, booze and all sorts of stuff. So he goes to look in her bag and she's like, oh, my God, I'm so embarrassed.

And the weird thing that she had was a sort of half block of semi-melted dairy milk chocolate. Okay. And he's just like, well, that's minging. Like, that's awful. Why have you got that? But I was like, that's not the worst of it. I mean, you know, my handbag is as atrocious as my car. Yeah, it's a mess.

So I was like, oh, because I don't have my normal handbag because that's at home. But I've got my work bag. And I was like, what do I have? I've got body glitter. Yeah. I've got laxatives because, you know, I had my colonoscopy. So I had some laxatives. And that's probably the weirdest thing is laxatives, nasal spray and a padlock.

Laxatives and a padlock, those would be my weird things in my handbag. What's a padlock for? Did you clear out your storage unit and didn't have anywhere else to put it? Because there's been a padlock running around in my car for years because of that. I actually don't know what that padlock is for or how I made it in there. Right. That's what makes it weird. Producer girlies? Producer girlies with

your handbags? Look, I'll be honest. Oh, Georgia, have you got your handbag here as well? Yeah, Georgia has her handbag here. Okay, yep. Alright, what have we got? I often have a spare pair of undies. Oh yeah, 100%. And my work bag. Women constantly sorting themselves. Well, you never know

when we're gonna... That's good. I mean, that's good thinking. That's planning ahead. that's good thinking that's planning ahead that's being prepared I like a freshie in my glove box Yes Yeah A fresh brownie

in the glove box Yeah Or just if you're out and about you never know when you might want to change Glove box is fine A little freshener Shannon anything weird

in your handbag? Always got instant noodles and anti-nausea It can fix any issue I've got She does though You might be nauseous because of the amount of instant noodles you're eating No any issue I've got. You might be nauseous because of the amount of instant noodles you're eating.

No, this time I've got pho. Sometimes I've got like... What's your flavour at the moment? I've got a chicken pho with me. Oh, that one's so good. Chicken tripe or pho? Pho. It's pho. I thought it was pho. It's spelled pho.

I thought it was pho soup. Can we be more cultural than Fletch? Get the pho. It's about pho. Pho. Pronounce pho. I thought it was pho soup. Wow, look, we're being more cultural than Fletch. Get the pho out of here. Far off with that. But yeah, any issue I've got, fixed by anti-nausea or noodles. Okay. She does always have anti-nausea because, you know, any time any of us feel sick, she comes in like a little fairy

and puts a little sweet thing in our tongue. We're going to need a couple of those sweet pills after Troy Savant on that Tuesday morning. Oh, God, yes, please. We're pre-booking them. Guys, I'm actually pretty plain Jane. I'm a minimalist. What have you got?

Wallet, keys? Wallet, keys, a G-string. Yeah, always. And a tampon just for if anything happens, I've got the backups for both. Yeah, I love it. You know? Well, you've got to be careful as a gal.

This is the thing I always think about, your handbag tampons, though, because they rattle around in there for months because usually you know when your period's coming so then you get some freshies. How old's that tampon? How much dust is on that thing? I go through them pretty quickly. I was going to say

tampons when they roll around do you know they've got a wrap on them but there's always a crack sometimes. Yeah. And then it starts to poke out of the wrap. And a hair wraps around it. Yeah. Do you know what I also have? Two Sylvanian family toys. See that's so bizarre. Yeah. Carmen and I have collected them. Why have you Two Sylvanian family toys. See, that's so bizarre.

Yeah, Carmen and I have collected them. Why have you got Sylvanian toys? We bought them from a blind bag. We got, like, mystery bags of them, and they've got little handbags, and we trade accessories. So bizarre. I thought you said we got them from a blind man. I was like, a blind man is peddling Sylvanian families. I bought them all from a blind man.

And I got a deck of cards from my magician boyfriend, just in case. I have a deck of cards in my bag every time and actually a worry doll. But the worry doll is a bit funny. A what? You're all unhinged. A what? A worry doll? You talk to it and you've got any worries.

How's that going for you? How he worries. She is the happiest person I know. Yeah, actually same. There might be something in this worry doll. Honestly, if you get a worry doll, I think Carmen's going. She just doesn't want to admit it. But you get it and you just talk to it and you're just like, hello.

That's so weird because I've got human friends for that. Anyway. No, no, no, no, no, no. You put it under your pillow at night. Oh, of course you do. You take your worries away. Guys, it's a cultural thing from. Guatemala.

Yeah. Oh, wow. Is it? Okay. Well, you're not in Guatemala now, Dr. R cultural thing from Guatemala. Yeah. Oh, wow. Is it? Okay. Well, you're not in Guatemala now, Dr. Ropata. Dr. Jones. Okay, this is what we want to know this morning. Currently, what is the weirdest thing you've got in your handbag?

0800. Or maybe you carry it around all the time as well. Yes. Let us know. You can text in 9696 0800 dials at M. The weirdest thing in your handbag. Kayleigh, weirdest thing in your handbag right now? It's a tin of emergency googly eyes. Why do you have emergency

googly eyes? It's crazy you even have to ask that, Fletch. It's pretty obvious, isn't it? I know. It's so obvious. There's just things that need eyes sometimes. I love Kayleigh, I love people like you that put googly eyes onto posters and things. Maybe like two years ago.

At restaurants, that kind of stuff. Two years ago, we put massive big googly eyes on the back of our computer at work here. Love them. It's never made me happier. I have seen those. Yes, I love them. Googly eyes are my thing for sure. And you can buy like, I saw in Look Sharp, you can buy a massive packet for like $2.

Self adhesive too. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Mine's a legit tin, like it actually says emergency googly eyes. I think I got it from Real Groovy a few years back, and I just top it up. Oh, fun. You top it up. I love it.

That's brilliant. Kayleigh, brilliant. Thank you. Sandy, what's the weirdest thing in your handbag right now? I've got one of those multi-screwdriver sets. I like those cool pens you had back in the day with all the different colours. Yep. It's got all these like eight or ten different screwdriver heads on it.

That's so sensible. That's very handy, very practical. So handy. So handy. How often do you use it, though? Oh, at least, I reckon, a few times a month, at least. You know, there's somewhere and somebody will want, oh, somebody's got a screwdriver.

Yeah, yeah, hang on. Pull it out on the hand. Oh, yeah. That's good, Sandy. Very practical. It's like a Leatherman. You know the Leatherman. Yeah, yeah, hang on. Pull it out of my hand. All right. That's good, Sandy. Very practical. It's like a Leatherman. You know the Leathermans? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

The things that are all in one. Kirsten, the wettest thing in your handbag right now? Yes, good morning, team. I'd just like to say, first time caller, long, long, long time listener. Long, long, long, long, long time listener. We'll accept that. Long, long, long, long time listener. Oh, welcome, Kirsten.

Welcome. Kia ora, kia ora, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, I don't know if it's a weird thing, but I've always got a couple of traffic infringement notices in my handbag that need to be paid. Just thinking about what you're going to do about them. Then put the prices up, though, Kirsten. Have you noticed this? I have. It's $150 each now.

Why do you keep parking? Is it for parking? It's not parking. It's for other things. Naughty. Are we talking bus lanes? Is someone driving in bus lanes? Travelling in the T2 bus lane and then, yeah, talking on the phone while driving.

Oh, my God. I hope you're not doing that now. She's not doing that right now. No, no, not today. No, don't dare do it again. Like you say, prices have gone up. It's crazy. But you've just got to keep them in your bag

because then you get the reminder and then you get the final reminder. Yeah, the final one. It's got a big red square on it. You've just got to pay it. Love it. That's the weirdest sounding criminal I've talked to all week. Petty crime.

Petty crimes. Thanks, Kirsten. Keep your texts coming in. 9696, the weirdest thing in your handbag right now. Want to know the craziest thing in your handbag right now wanna know the craziest thing in your handbag right now terrible things these things we just need pockets in our pants

and then we can just put our wallets in our pockets too yeah but where are we gonna put our phone chargers and portable batteries and keys and stuff that is not my job to carry around your crap

please no I don't wanna carry your crap it's making me uncomfortable when I sit it's making my shoulder sore. Someone said, I carry my late mum's rosary beads. I'm not religious at all. Mum was, though, but it's just a bit of a keepsake.

But if anyone ever sees them, they're like, I didn't know you were Catholic. I wouldn't want to lose them. Yeah, because you could lose your handbag or someone could steal it. Someone said, I went and dived into the Mrs. Handbag last week for some chewing gum after I feed it a forecourt. Oh yeah. Found a Satisfyer Pro 2

and a retractable dog leash. We don't own a dog. Fantastic. What was the explanation for that? I don't know. I've had to carry things in my handbag before. Because surely you'd ask.

Yeah. Crochet hook and wool so I can crochet at any given moment. Yep. Tape measure. Great idea. Peppermint tea bag,

tramadol and one of those single-use butters. Well, you never know when you've got a piece of toast that needs butter and a ripping sore back or something.

Yeah, when you go to a cafe and they give you something and you're like, do you know what would make this better? Butter. More butter. Yeah.

Actually, next time we're in the lounge, the Air New Zealand crew lounge. You're not allowed to take those. Yes, you are. You've got to use them. You're not allowed to take stuff out of the lounge. They're not going to notice if I've slipped a couple of butters in my purse. You'll get banned. Swiss Army Knife, I've had it for years.

I have a modium in my handbag. Oh, that's a poo stopper. Yeah, when it's going to strike, right? Yeah. You're going to clog it up. Yeah, but they said maybe I should get laxatives as well. So then I've got the full situation. Just take one of each.

Keep it neutral. I've got fish sauce in my handbag. Okay, yum. I love fish sauce. Fish sauce is very good, eh? I actually took a photo of my fish sauce yesterday because it ran out

and it's really good fish sauce. Oh, do you? Go what brand? Let me show you. I'll see if I've used the same fish sauce as you. It's this one here by Mega Chef. I got it when I did a Vietnamese cooking school course. That's posh.

That looks real posh. It is premium fish sauce. My fish sauce is not that posh. Well, you must try this. It's delicious. It's really good fish sauce. What kind of fish do they use? Mega Chef fish sauce. Gold's really good fish sauce. What kind of fish sauce do they use? Mega Chef fish sauce.

Gold medal award winning fish sauce. Wow. We use Poosin fish sauce. That's so povo. Poosin. Not Poosin. Poosin fish sauce. Thank God you hit Poosin.

Play ZM's Fletchborn and Hayley. Hayley's pick for Friday Flashback today. Now, we teased a trilogy and I've been told the trilogy is not to occur. Thus, I have shuffled. I have sidestepped. On this day,

in the year 2000, which was 24 years ago. Just crazy, right? So you were like hardly even alive. I would have just been born. Yeah. I would have literally just been born. Yeah. I would have literally just been born. You're so young. That can't be right because Alien Ant Farm's album didn't come out until years later. I'm not doing

Alien Ant Farm. I'm a rule follower. I toe the line. I am doing a song that I do love a lot. Turn his mic off, he's going to keep plucking at me. I've done a good replacement and maybe we could loop back to Alien Ant Farm. Anyway, on this day, 24 years ago, this artist was named Artist of the Year at the MTV Music Awards, Ricky Martin.

Now, I think this is when Ricky Martin was still pretending he was a heterosexual gentleman. Yes. with songs like She Bangs, She Bangs. Not He Bangs, He Bangs. As we well know now, he is a happy gay man. But this was his biggest song of all time. They call it

the 10th most iconic pop music video from the 1990s. It won a bunch of awards. Best Dance Video, Best Male Video, Video of the Year, Best This, Best That. It's like number one around the world. So why not? For Friday, it's Live in La Vida Loca

by Ricky Martin. Your Friday Flashback ZM. It's your Friday Flashback on ZM. Ricky Martin, Live in La Vida Loca, 14 past 8. Why not? You know, why not? I'm Livin' La Vida Loca, 14 past 8. Why not? You know, why not? I'm always Livin' La Vida Loca. The crazy life.

Any feedback? My son who has autism is obsessed with a song from his time on Shrek. Oh yeah, it was a big, wasn't it? It was Puss in Boots, eh? That sung it. That sung it. Yeah. We're both having a great morning now, so thank you.

Okay, good. This brings me back to being six years old, listening to my Top of the Pops CD in my room, wishing I was married to Ricky Martin and kissing a picture. He gay. Well, yeah, he would have divorced you. Well, that might have been a boy. We don't know.

Yeah, that's true. Actually, who are we to genderize that person? Yeah, yeah. Should have gone with Alien Ant Farm. No, listen, I wanted to. But I'm a company girl and I follow the rules. Alien Ant Farm would have been better just saying. Hayley, I'm not angry, just disappointed.

Yeah. What am I? Listen to the breeze? Where's my Alien Ant Farm? This ain't the breeze. This is ZDM, Fletch, Will and Hayley. Laughing out louder. Can't hear the song.

I'm not thinking of Shrek 2. Had this on a karaoke machine my dad bought me. At 10. Memories of screaming into the microphone and knowing my parents immediately regretted ever buying me a karaoke machine. this is what I thought yesterday. She gets it every year. Or she does die. And it stops her from dying. Oh, yeah. Yeah, I know.

I said that to a couple of people because I was like, oh my God, I can't believe it. And it rolls around so quickly. Even the surgeon was like, oh my God, here you are again. I was like, oh no. He's like,

do I have to look at your butthole again? That butthole, God. This quickly? This long butthole because you know I've got a very well endowed colon. Yeah, you do. But yeah, it's preventative because I have a condition called serrated polypsis syndrome, which means I grow polyps in my colon very quickly.

And if you leave polyps, they can turn into colon cancer. And as we know, that's not a good one. You don't get the money for polyps anymore, do you? It's like the wall of a sheep. Barely worth sharing them. Oh, yes. The polyp, the bottom's dropped out. of a sheep. Barely worth sharing them. The pollock, the bottoms dropped out, excuse the pun, of the pollock

market. So, you know, it used to be great to have one of these boughs that grew pollocks fast, harvest them, sell them at the market. Yeah, that's right. So they, camera on a hose. Camera on a hose, well, you flush out for a couple of days. Then camera on a long thing, go in through the colon, check for things

and if they find them, as they do with someone with my condition, they'll remove them. And how do they do it? The camera's got a laser. It's got a laser. It just goes, bzzz, buzz it off. Wow.

Cauterises them. And they biopsy all of them? They biopsy the dangerous looking ones. Right. How do they get, do they have little claws that take the? I don't know. It does. All of a sudden it pinches it and pulls it and they're just.

So crazy because I don't have any pain. That was a good laser sound. Right. So, yeah, I did that yesterday, but I was looking... I hate the prep and I was hungry. Hangry, actually, to be fair, but that's a whole other thing. But afterwards, you know, you go into the thing and you've got your gown on and you're naked underneath

and then you kind of go into the thing and they put you on their side they're talking to you get a little propofol there goes the little thing into your little vein there and then they're talking to you and then the

anaesthetist Andrew who's a great guy he big fan of the show by the way oh good morning good morning Andrew thank you for the delicious

propofol yeah maybe I need to get Andrew's number yes so he gives you a little bit. He's like, right, here's the first little bit. And then he's chatting to you. And then he's like, here comes part two.

And then usually at that point, I'm gone. And then I'm in the recovery area. And you're like, and you find yourself mid-sentence saying all the things. You do. You kind of come to mid-sentence. Yeah. So yesterday, and I wondered if this was because I'm a little bit heavier than last year. I didn't completely leave mentally.

I could feel an awareness, not of my butt, they were doing whatever, a slight awareness of my mouth moving and saying words for the full 45-minute procedure. Really? And when I did kind of... Did you lie to Andrew about your weight? No, no, I put my real weight on. Yeah, because it's not a bungee jump, Hayley. This is a medical procedure. This is a...

I feel like when you go bungee jumping, shave a few off. 78. Even if you're going in a helicopter, shave a few or a couple off. You don't get shaven it off when they're going to be... You don't have to tell me I'm shaving off numbers. No, no, no. Yesterday, no way. Not in a medical context would I ever shave off.

But it was higher than last year. So, because you want them to adjust accordingly. It's all based on weight. Yeah. No, no, no. But it was just a little bit because they don't want you to be fully like that because they've got to move you and do all these things.

So, I sort of had an awareness that I had been speaking for the full 45 minutes. Then the doctor came in and said... Oh, my God. It's my nightmare. I God. It's my nightmare. I know. It's my nightmare. I knew I was talking.

I just don't know what I was saying. The worst part is, so the nurse comes in, how are you feeling? Take it slowly, because I'm up. I'm like, I'm feeling good. And I'm grabbing for my phone. She's like, don't be sending any messages, you know, just tie a bit. And I was like, okay. Then the anaesthetist comes in to make sure that you're feeling all right and you've got

fluids in your arm and stuff. Yep. And he pulls back the curtain, hello, chatty. And I was like, okay. Then the anaesthetist comes in to make sure that you're feeling all right and you've got fluids in your arm and stuff. And he pulls back the curtain, hello chatty. And I was like, I knew it. I knew it. I absolutely knew it that I'd been talking that whole time. And I said, oh, I sort of knew that.

He said, yeah, you were kind of still with us the whole time. I was like, okay, that's good. Then the doctor comes back and he goes, my God, you are so funny. And you're like like this is a nightmare no but you're also getting a compliment about you being funny so that must be, thank god

and you've got a gig to do tonight you should have asked him for some bullet points of what he liked you're getting good material reinterpret it into new stage stuff no I did say I said to him what was I talking about and he said for a good portion of it you talked a lot about Dai Henwood and his bravery

and what an incredible inspiration. You were there to avoid what Dai has. What Dai's going through. Exactly. And I've been touring with Dai and Dai's been sharing his journey and stuff. So that kind of made a lot of sense. And I told Dai this and he was absolutely delighted.

But I said, oh, good. He said, for the most part of it, you were talking about Dai Henwood. And I said, what else? He said, oh, just bits and bobs. And I said, nothing terrible. He said, I'd never tell you if it was. And I was like, oh, now. He said, for the most part of it, you were talking about Diahemwin. And I said, what else? He said, oh, just bits and bobs. And I said, nothing terribly. He said, I'd never tell you if it was. And I was like, oh, now I just don't know.

Now you want to know. That's a bit, it must be a fun part of the job. It must be so fun. You are giving someone something that turns their filters off. Yeah. You've got 45 minutes of, oh, you would just hear the wildest things. I know. And I was like, I've got hear the wildest things. I know. And I was like, I've got so much on my mind at the moment.

Like, what have I said? You imagine living in a country where you're not, you know, you don't say everything out loud. Oh, yeah. You're getting a colonoscopy in China and you start slandering the government. I know. And they're recording you.

You wake up in prison. Yeah. Oh, my God. He actually didn't end up telling me the blanks other than talking about Di. But you do remember the first one I ever got two years ago, I told all the nurses and doctors to look up Ryan Phillippe's penis. I remember that, yeah.

That was the main talking point of that high. So at least this time it was slightly more inspirational and about a good friend. Yeah. But then afterwards, it's all good news, and I'm back again next year, So who knows what I'll say. When you did message us a photo of you quite high, I did ask you to say nice things about us.

I did send a few messages. I sent one message to my best friend, telling her, commending her bravery. I messaged one friend overseas, telling him how immensely proud I was of where he was in his life. Okay. And then Fletch, I sent you guys a photo being like,

She's awake! And you were like, tell us how much you love us. And I started being like, I know you mean this as a joke. But really, you too. And I was like, nah. And I backspaced and said, you couldn't handle it. Good stuff. I'm glad.

You couldn't handle it. That's okay. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley. Now, we have had correspondence from one of our favourite ladies. Oh, yeah, collectively. One of our best gals. Bev.

Bev, Fletch's mum. She's got an event this weekend. I woke up to this email. She wants a shout out. Yes, she does. Tell everybody about the show. So, I woke up to this email. She wants a shout out. Yeah, she does. Tell everybody about the show. So I woke up to this email. Hi, must be your bedtime.

She sent it at 7.52. Well, she's spot on. She wouldn't be wrong. I did go to bed at, yeah, about quarter to eight last night. Jesus Christ. I'm so jealous. This is wild, dude.

Yeah, I get a lot of sleep. My dinner was still in the oven. I had a late dinner last night. You shouldn't be eating that late. No, I know, but I had my shepherd's pie heating up in the oven and the whole time the oven wasn't on. It was in there for like 45 minutes.

What did you do? Just turn the fan on? No, I told you. Turn on a fan bake, zero degrees. Oh, I turned it on wrong. I turned it on wrong. Yeah, I didn't do the timer. You know how you've got to do the timer thing or something in some ovens?

Why do they do that? What is that? I hate you. Heat function, go. Yeah, I'll remember to turn it on. Oh, yeah, because if the clock's or something in some ovens. Why do they do that? What is that? I hate you. Heat function, go. Yeah, I'll remember to turn it off. Oh, yeah, because if the clock's not working, the oven doesn't work. Who invented that? It's so stupid.

That's the pina colerange. No, what I did was by the time it came out, I was so tired and hungry that I had a tantrum and went to bed and didn't eat. You didn't eat. I didn't eat. But it's delicious. I literally packed a sad yesterday. Well, so my message, it must be, are you bedtime?

I'm in Pukekohe. Oh, it's South Auckland. If you get a chance, can we have a free plank tomorrow for the show? Now, if you get a chance, it'll be lovely to catch up. That was what I was expecting. No, we've spoken about this. She's busy all weekend. Tight schedule.

She's busy all weekend. Retired. Doesn't have a job to go back to. Closer to this sun than she'll be. I'm going to see her in like a couple of weeks. How good's this? What's the point? Jump for a coffee or something before I head back.

What's the point? Meet your halfway. There's no point. This family is cold. It's fine. It'll be fine. And yeah, so she's up. She's doing another one of her rose shows.

This is good. I love roses. Well, you love every time we go round to mum's place, check out the roses. I haven't seen Bev's roses yet. Oh, she's got many. I know, we simply must. And they'll be all out at the moment, won't they?

They'll be looking bloody lovely. So what rose show is this? This is the National Rose Show, Hayley. The National Rose Show is returning to Pukekohe. Roses and romance. Is that the theme this year? Ooh. Or maybe they've been a Mills and Boone.

Minor 10 Mega Pukekohe is supporting it. Oh yeah, okay, good. We love Minor 10 here at the show. So yeah, it's happening the 16th of November. That's tomorrow from 12.30 until 4 o'clock. Public admission, $5. Oh, that's a steal.

Now I actually have, I was going to say have a quiet weekend. I have so much to do at the house. I could pop to Pookie for a sniff of the roses. Fletch, not interested. I've seen Beth. I'm growing up with these roses. We're like, we'll go and have a look at some roses.

I've seen roses before. So what is this? Is it a competition? Yeah, they have a competition. How does the competition work? I don't know. Because as soon as you cut the rose, it'd be times ticking.

You've got to ask Mum, Vaughan. I don't know these things. Is Mum entering her roses? No, she just helps out. She's a judge. I don't know if she judges at the moment, but yeah, she's up there. I think my nanny used to belong to the thing as well. She would every now and then get the roses, get the judges,

what do they call these these? Rosettes? With the judge written on it and some ribbons around it? No. So they've given us some information on nationalroseshow.nz, not co,.nz. And it even gives you information about accommodation for those travelling from outside of the Auckland area. Some local accommodations available.

Is there a top ten holiday park? Because I'll be bringing the camper van. No, more, there's the Tuako Hotel, the Aveda Motor Lodge in Pukekohe. Touchwood Motor Lodge. Or just a day trip. $25, what a steal. I would love to go see some roses.

I'll never grow them. Like we're landscaping at the moment and I have a house that would look good with roses. Will your house would look good with roses? No, a villa, but it's... Hard though growing up in a house with roses. Like backyard cricket was always, you'd have to get the tennis ball.

Don't hit the roses. Yeah, you'd have to get told off for hitting the roses and then you'd have to get the ball out of the prickles. And they're not ever greener. You've got to keep cutting them back. Yeah. Well, you let them go, they go wild. They're a weed.

Are they? Their roses will go wild. Yeah, right. I think they can take a hiding too. I can't handle it. Well, there you go. That's the free shout out. Shout out.

Can I tag on a little shout out on the end here? What is Patsy going to want a shout out for? Oh, you can do a shout out. Well, I was just going to do it. This is a non, you know, no one's profiting from this, but my daughter's in a car full of her peers. Oh, yeah. And they're off to some sort of orienteering challenge day.

Oh, I love orienteering. Orienteering. Go outside and find some things on a list. Last year she said there was controversy because when you solve the puzzle, you've got to scan the QR code. And she said some of the wardens weren't watching the QR codes.

Some kids would run distraction. Someone from their team would scan the QR code and then they could just move on to the next puzzle. Cheating. Cheating, I love that. And I said, remember, if you can't beat them, join them.

If you see someone else cheating, don't be the first to cheat. But if there's cheaters, you just got to cheat better than the cheaters. Yeah. Is that fair parenting? It's good parenting. Outcheat the cheaters.

So good luck. Play. ZM. Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley. It's time for Fact of the Day. Day, Day, Day, Day. It's been fizzy drink week here at Fact of the Day. Yeah.

And I'm going to end with one that I found at the start of the week And it blew my mind And I've saved it Okay When you drink a fizzy drink And you feel the bubbles popping on your tongue It's not That's the taste of carbon dioxide

What? It's not bubbles popping on your tongue When you feel the bubbles popping That your tongue. When you feel the bubbles popping, that's feeling it. But you know the taste when your tongue feels the bubbles popping? Yeah. And you're like, that must be the bubbles popping. Yeah. That's bubbles on my tongue.

That's what I think. That's bubbles on my tongue. That's what carbon dioxide tastes like. It's bubbles on my tongue. Carbon dioxide tastes like bubbles popping on your tongue. But that's not a taste. That's a sensation. That's a feeling.

I know. No, you don't know. Because our brains are tricking us. Our brains are tricking us. Why do you tell us this? If you got a tank of carbon dioxide and went, don't, it's poisonous. Don't. It's what you can't breathe.

It's what trees turn back into breathable stuff for us. Okay. Don't do it. And also thank you, trees. I don't get it, breathe. It's what trees turn back into breathable stuff for us. Okay. Don't do it. And also thank you, trees. I don't get it though. Big shout out to trees today. Huge shout out. The true heroes of this world.

We should chop more of them down. No. Leave more of them up. Interesting. Hang on. Unless they're a weed, then I think chop them down and replace them with beautiful native trees.

Taste receptors in the mouth sense the five basic tastes, sweetness, sourness, saltiness, bitterness, savoriness. It's sourness. Not in bubbles on the tongue. It's bubbles on the tongue. But bubbles on the tongue isn't a taste. The carbon dioxide, the bubbles are tiny, tiny, tiny, tiny, tiny.

So they sit on there and only parts of your tongue are tasting it at once. Whereas if you eat an apple, the apple coats your tongue. You get apples in all parts of the tongue. You can taste the apple, right? Or if you drink, like when you drink a Coke, everywhere apart from where the carbon dioxide, which has a distinctly different taste to the Coke,

is on the tongue, you're like, that's the bubbles popping, but it's not. It's you tasting the carbon dioxide. Why have you ruined fizzy for me now? like, that's the bubbles popping, but it's not. It's you tasting the carbon dioxide. Why have you ruined fizzy for me now? Yeah, that's sort of crazy because it's a feeling, not a taste. But it's a taste in tiny dots, which gives it the impression that it's a feeling.

This is trippy, man. Yeah, I don't like this. Because visually you've been like, those are bubbles, and they pop, bubbles pop. Yeah. But when you drink it, imagine doing polka dots. Not circular, you know, 3D bubbles, but imagine polka dots on your tongue, and the parts where you've dotted is where you're tasting carbon dioxide, and the rest is the fizzy drink that you're tasting.

What about popping candy? Different completely. Explain that. Explain that. What does that taste like yeah how's that popping that's popping that's different but is that a taste or a feeling

that's a feeling and a taste because you can taste the popping candy but you're feeling the popping okay right so you might be thinking the bubbles are popping I feel a bit queasy I feel a bit weird I'm actually a bit put off I feel a bit queasy. Yeah, I actually feel a bit weird. I'm actually a bit put off. I feel a bit tripping balls, you know?

Yeah, it's a bit weird. I don't like this one. What's a taste? What's a feeling? Yeah. What you're describing is a feeling and telling me it's a taste. Yeah. It's not.

So today's fact of the day is when fizzy drinks on your tongue, your tongue is tasting the carbon dioxide. Fact of the day, day, day, day, day. Play ZM's Fletch Vaughan and Hayley. The later departure from work yesterday saw me driving home facing the ultimate conundrum. Do I go to the gym or not? I've been on a bit of a roll. Yeah, you have been.

You can tell, hon. Been on a bit of a roll. Jacked. Looking real good. Don't lie to me. Yeah, absolutely. Swimming in that Chapel Rowan t-shirt. It's getting hotter and hotter. Yeah, you're swimming in that Chapel Rowan t-shirt It's getting hotter and hotter

Yeah, you're swimming in that t-shirt Well, it's 2XL, so that's doing all the heavy lifting here But that's the way That's the way to feel like you're schlimming Yeah, get a 2XL and XL and L in the medium Start out in the medium and then slowly People are like, oh my god, you're swimming in that t-shirt Oh my god, you're shrinking

So I was driving and I was like, I'm not going to I just don't have the time I'm not going to And I thought, you're shrinking. So I was driving and I was like, I'm not going to. I just don't have the time. I'm not going to. And I thought, you're lazy shit. Come on. Your excuses will rob you of everything. Put a gun to your head and take your family. That's not the quote.

That's not the quote. Your excuses will rob everything you ever wanted if you let them. Rob you of everything you ever wanted if you let them. Yeah. I think when you say a motivational quote, it's important to get it right. Okay, sorry. Hang on. Hang on.

I mean, I just don't know much about motivational quotes. I mean, that is your excuses. Your excuses will destroy you and take everything that you ever wanted if you let them. If you let them. Wow. Take everything you ever wanted. So you're in the car negging yourself.

I'm negging myself. Okay, go. I'm going to go. I'm going to go. Good on you. Good'm going to go. I'm going to go. Good on you. Good boy. I haven't been for over a week. It's going to throw you, but you've had reason not to.

Colonoscopy prep, you can't be on a treadmill. No, read out the quote. Okay, hang on. I'm sorry, Vaughn. Excuses are like the Mexican drug cartel. They will break into your home in the middle of the night and put a gun to your loved one's head and scream in Spanish. Oh, no, I can't go to the gym.

I'm pooping out everything I have and I haven't eaten for two days. Hayley, your excuses will destroy you and take everything that you ever wanted if you let them. If you let them. Yeah. So I went and I parked up. Good on you. So proud.

Good. Stomped up the stairs. Went into the bathroom. Nice. Got changed. Lubed. What do you mean lubed. Nice. Got changed. Lubed. What do you mean lubed? I lubed myself.

What are you lubing yourself for? I lube and protect. Before I go to the gym, I put plasters over my nipples every day. Because you run. You do treadmill stuff. I do a lot of cardio, a lot of running in the stair machine. Surely by now your nipples should be hardened to the... No, because I've kept them soft and...

Supple. Supple. Yeah. I don't want to harden them up you know I love them I've got calloused nipples yeah so

you calloused yeah calloused you know like a working man's hands that's what you your nipples do a lot of the holding when you're in weightlifting

yeah layers of skin peeling off them oh yeah they've got good grip so there I am I'm sat I'm sat

because I always try to just squeeze out a little poo before I jump. You didn't tell me why you lube. So I plaster the nips and then I dip two fingers into a tub of Vaseline. Coconut. Coconut Vaseline.

It sounds like coconut every time. I don't know if it might be off-brand Vas. Okay, right. Two fingers in, into the pot. Little scoop and I start. Now ladies, I wouldn't do if it might be off-brand VAS. Okay, right. Two fingers in, into the pot, little scoop, and I start. Now, ladies, I wouldn't do this, but I start from the back and roll forward. But I know ladies, you're supposed to start at the forward and go back. Actually, you shouldn't do that either, really.

If you're rubbing the thing. It's clean. Yeah, if you're smearing VAS on the... Oh, yeah, you're allowed to get front into back, but not back into front. Because back into front is... No good. That's going to make your bleach your undies a bit harder.

Yeah. It's like mixing paint colours on the... Yeah, it's not good. You don't do it. So I start in there, and I'm lubed up, shorts on, stinglet ready to go, pick what show I'm going to watch. Yep. And then I'm like, right, I'm ready to go.

Ugh. Where are my shoes? Oh, no. I hadn't packed. Gym shoes. But that's okay. What shoes did you arrive in your work boots? Birkenstocks.

Oh, yeah. Yeah, okay. Could you do weights? You're not huge on the big heavy weights because you can do those in socks. Socks and just socks. No, not socks. I saw somebody working out in Birkenstocks and socks the other day. Those Birkenstocks that we were talking about, the clog ones.

We want the clogs. We want the clogs so bad. That's madness. I'd drop it on my toe and I'd smash my toe and that'd be the end of my foot. Okay. Yeah. So I walked out, slip, slip. Slip out.

Slip, slip. Oh, yuck. He minced out. I in my socks and my workout gear and I walked out and then I looked at the reception and I turned and I walked down the stairs and I went home

with your bag and you just left and I left and you didn't gym I think you could have hopped on a bike that's why later I went home

and I had a nap a delicious brown noise beanie over the eyes nap and then amazing a little precursor to the nap

if you know what I'm saying yeah nice help to sleep deeper sleep like an angel for two hours wow and then when I woke up that's why I went

for a big walk with the dogs and the children so close but so far yeah so close close text

I would say pre-nap did we remove the bandages from the nipples yes okay and the vest

no I left the vest alone oh okay no I didn't I wiped it away wiped it away yeah that was weird remove the bandages from the nipples. Yes. Okay. And the vaseline? No, I left the vaseline on. Oh, okay, great. No, I don't know. I wiped it away. Wiped it away. Yeah, that was weird.

That was weird. Give yourself a wipe. I kind of wish we didn't know about the vaseline now. Every time. Man, I was chafed. I was ruined at one stage. And I was like, that's just something I'm going to sacrifice. Yeah.

But I haven't yet had to buy a new tub of Vaseline. I'm not a chaffer. Georgia said that you need to get butt butter. They sell it from Torpedo 7. Butt butter. So rather than using your coconut face. What's butt butter? I kid you not, this will help with your chaffing like no tomorrow. It

lathers you up so good. And it lasts the whole time. It's like you don't need, it's like a tub and you just need the tiniest bit and you're just like amazing. And it stops chafing. Stops all chafing. Like a gal with thick thighs. Yeah, but that's what Vaughn is.

I'm a gal with thick thighs. He's got his beautiful thick thighs. Thank you very much. Yeah, but isn't Vaso a bit greasy? Yeah, it is a bit greasy. Also, aren't you cancelled for using Vaseline? You're cancelled. Why am I cancelled? I don't know.

It reminds me of Pumity Blues. Get the Vaso. Oh, you guys know. No, I don't know that. Don't do a reference. This is our show. Your show is next. You've got your own show next. This is our one. Can you niche Australian references for next? Surely you guys know that reference. What is it going again? Get the Vaso.

Why don't you do that on your show? is it going again? Get the vaso. No? Why don't you do that on your show? You've got six hours of your own show. Does anybody listening know what that, George is talking about. Get the vaso. Tell you what, the text machine is dead on that reference.

Like crickets. Okay. Aussie slang. T-double puberty blues. We do want to know now though, how close you came to exercise. Excellent. Like how close?

Did you drive like the to the other side of town get into the gym and then realize you know what i'm just gonna go home i've done it before when i've gone get there get changed clothes on water bottle filled get there like get my bar weights on lift open my airpod case one airpod i'm home and i'm just like i'm not exercising if i'm doing a heavy lift i I'm not doing it. You sat down, you sat up. The bar was loaded and I'm like, nah, no way. Wow. Really? Ka kite anō.

I'm gone. Well, maybe you did. Maybe you got it. You sat in and you sat down and then just started scrolling on your phone for like half an hour and then you went home. Technically, I went to the gym. Yeah, I mean, you did swipe in. 0800 DALZATAM is the number. You can text in 9696.

How close did you get to exercising without actually exercising? Bourne, you left your shoes at home, so you were at the gym. That's a safety. That's our health and safety thing. I even had like, I was going to watch the last couple of episodes of The Old Man. Oh, yeah. On Disney+. Season two. Then I already knew what I was moving on to.

Next, I'm starting HBO's The Penguin. Oh, yep, yep. That's my next to go on to. And I knew that was something I was going to have to decide mid-exercise, so I decided before I go, tape on the nips, lubed up, ready to go. And then the shoes weren't there, so I just walked straight out, straight home. You're not alone.

A lot of people come in very close to exercise. Yeah. I love someone texting, got halfway to the gym, realised I'd left my sports bra at home. Now, we're not bouncing around in these day bras. Oh, no, no, no, no, no. So I went into the gym and then as I was leaving,

I wasn't risking it. The receptionist said, oh, okay, bye already. Oh! Bye already? Wow, that's passing. Ow! I was going on a two-day hike in the Kahurangi National Park.

On the drive out there, it fell off. Got myself ready, picked up all my book, and I picked up all my bag and stuff, filled out the intentions book, but as I was filling it out, I was like, intention. I was like, what is my intention? And I wrote, to go home. And turned around and went home.

Just didn't have the feeling. Really? I wasn't feeling it. Okay. I wasn't feeling it. We Just didn't have the feeling. Really? Wasn't feeling it. Okay. Putting all that effort, wasn't feeling it. We have another vote for the sauna. I was at the gym and then I saw a friend got on the treadmill next to them and went,

should we have a sauna and go get some lunch? Love that. Love that. Love that for you. I went to the gym and I walked in, I could hear the class. There was a class happening. Yeah.

And the person that was running the class had an Australian accent. I said, I'm not listening to that and went home. Listen to this. Signed up for a marathon. Yep. Right. Arrived. Lined up.

Walked around the corner and caught an Uber home. It's so true. Did they do the training? I don't know. They didn't say. I bet that happens every marathon. Lined up and they just went, you know what? I actually don't have to do this.

No one asked me to. I don't have to. Somebody else said, I drove 45 minutes home from work. Traffic was really bad that day. Got to the gym, got all dressed, was about to start. And then my girlfriend sent me a dirty picture and I just walked straight out. I was like, I am going home. If she's sending you a dirty pic, no doubt that'll be a rambunctious afternoon.

Absolutely. Somebody else said, and I get this when there's a class going on and someone's screaming. Yeah. It's not like always a great, I've got headphones on, I can block it out. But if you did it and you were just enjoying

the beautifully curated selection of music, the jumble blast that you at a thousand decibels. Maybe you can hear the yelling and stuff over it. But the encouragement, they said, the gym guy was just yelling so much encouragement. I was like, I can't handle this. So went home, too much encouragement. Well, congratulations to you, podcast listeners,

you've reached the end. So I would assume if you've listened all this way through, you're either asleep, in which case, wake up! Or you enjoyed it. So drop us a review and tell your friends. That's how podcasts work.