ZM's Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley - Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley's Big Pod - 16th April 2024

Episode Date: April 16, 2024

Just the big pod today!Have you forgotten the name of your one night stand?Top 6 Punishments for the Rainbow crossing destroyerPet bondA witches kiss30 million dollar lotto winFact of the day day day day daaaaaaySee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

The ZM Podcast Network. The Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley Big Pod. Great things are brewing at McCafe. The perfect start to every day. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley. Thank you, Dave. Good morning. Welcome to the show, Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley. Hayley's back.

Keldah. Didn't win Lotto. Everyone thought I did. We thought you'd won the 30 mil and just left us. I was down in the Whitehead Uppit with my parents and I woke up in the morning to a message from you guys saying, answer your phone, Sproul.

And then, yeah, someone just around the corner from us. Didn't they say it wasn't Carterton though now? That came out yesterday. They weren't there or something like that. Were they just passing through? Did they buy a ticket there? Coming from a small town, it always miffed everybody when you couldn't work out who'd won the lotto. Yeah.

And especially then it came out that they were just passing through when they bought a ticket. Oh, yeah, that was our ticket. Thought to be from Carterton, actually from Wellington. Right, so passing through. Yeah. Or they're from Carterton, but they're saying they're from Wellington because they don't want you nosy buggers asking for a quick thousand bucks.

Do you know what, though? Because I was in the one-it-up, I was like, I'll just have a quick little cheeky-poo, though, in case it sort of... A cheeky-poo? Cheeky-poo. A cheeky-poo. I'll cheeky-poo my my ticket because I bought mine online.

I won $23. Did you? That's nice. Wow. Okay, well, that was the place to be for Lotto at the weekend, wasn't it? White-ed-upper was hot. I retire from buying tickets now until it's. Until it's back up.

Until it's back up. No, I reinvested the $23 into this week's $4. You're going to say no to $4 million? No, I won't. Less people buying a ticket? I won't say no to $4 million? Less people buying a ticket? I won't say no to $4 million. Absolutely not. I do feel that if I was to win the four,

I'd be a bit miffed it wasn't the 30. Oh, absolutely. You win four the weekend after someone wins 30, you'd be like, well, what about, didn't 12 people win first division at the weekend? They got like 100 grand each. Yeah.

Like, I wouldn't say no to 100 grand, but at the same time. You'd be like, it's not. Yeah. Like, I wouldn't say no to a hundred grand, but at the same time. You'd be like, it's not for you. It's not for you. The top six is coming up. Yeah, they've caught him. He's pleaded guilty. The man who destroyed the Rambo crossing on

Karangahakabe Road. He was in court. Yep. I've got the top six punishments that could be dished out. Got off a bit lightly, I reckon. What, for a hate crime? Yeah. I like to see my hate crimes justly punished. Mmm.

And this guy got off. Mmm. Okay, we'll deal with that. Scope three. Get into that with the top six sooner on the show. Next, though. How a pickpocket chooses its victims.

Ooh, okay. It's tourist season coming up. Winter, we're all going to be escaping. And this comes from a pickpocket in South. I've got to radio after it's a day off, didn't I? You have one day off. Cheers to birdie gear. Pickpockets.

They're everywhere. We don't really have them in New Zealand, though, eh? I've been pickpocketed in New Zealand once. Really? Yeah, this was years ago and I had like a side, it was when I was a bit, you know, alt, and I had a side satchel. And I remember feeling a little shuffle and being like,

what was that? And then like going on about my walk down Courtney Place. Okay. In Wellington. And then I went to go get my wallet and it had been stolen. I was like, that's what that little kerfuffle was. From your side satchel. From my cool emo side satchel.

Was it a Velcro wallet? No, it was a red leopard print wallet from, it was like Rip Curl or Roxy or one of those. I'm surprised it didn't have a chain on it. No, no chain. No chain. It was just in the satchel. Yeah.

But I've never been pickpocketed overseas either. But I know any time I've gone, everyone's like, this is the thing. I remember when I went to Barcelona. Barcelona. Barcelona. Everybody was like, pickpockets, pickpockets. And I was just like the whole time.

Yes. But kind of part of me wanted to put like my wallet on like a big nylon, like heavy duty fishing rope, just for shits and gigs. Just to try to be pickpocketed. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You could see who was doing it. Yeah, I know.

You're so vigilant when you're overseas. So there's a travel insurance website called Quote Zone. They've compiled the highest number of pickpocketing reports in Europe because that's like the big pickpocketing place is Europe.

How many mentions they got per million reviews of that destination. Italy's number one. Italy's at the most common. Right. I've heard that.

They have gangs, don't they? And they train kids to do it. Yeah, they've got games. They've got full kind of like things. Someone will distract you or bump into you.

Yeah. Yeah. Or this person's begging and they pretend they've got no legs. Or you're looking at the, someone's got a rug laid out with all the merchandise on it. Yeah. Fake watches and stuff. And when you're looking at those, they'll get you. Or Rolex.

Yeah. Because you distract it. So it goes Italy, then France, then Netherlands, which is really surprising. The Netherlands for pickpockets. Italy and France makes sense. Yeah. Anyway, so a pickpocketer himself has said the things that they look out for.

Some of them are obvious, like whether you're distracted. Like if you're a tourist and you're walking around and you're on your phone, they're like, she's open, he's open, they're open. They're not concentrating. They're not concentrating. so their words of advice were don't dress flashy so they target people wearing designer clothes

or expensive jewellery because they're going what we steal from them is going to be worth something as opposed to like if you look a bit povo then you'll probably have like a velcro rip curl they're like she's got a Roxy wallet she's got a Roxy wallet that's going to be worth utterly nothing and there's going to be like $20 on her card. And maybe like a hostel swipe card and that's it.

Yeah. Beware of friendly strangers. So that's kind of like the distraction people coming up. I had that once. Someone saying, oh, are you going to the museum? And I said, yeah. And they said, it's not open to tourists on Mondays. That's where it was in Thailand.

That's where the only locals go to pray. And I was like, oh, my God. I didn't think. I just wanted to go see the temple. Oh, that's where, it was in Thailand, that's where the only locals go to pray. And I was like, oh my God, I didn't think. I just wanted to go see the temple. Oh, that's a classic in Thailand, isn't it? Take you somewhere else.

Then you meet some guy there. Go tomorrow, but have you been on a longboat? Yeah. I've got a company, Nick Minna, I'm in a tuk-tuk, and I'm like,

what's happening? And then I get on a longboat and then they charge me thousands of dollars and I'm like, well, I'm on a boat now. I don't want them to kill me. And then you get back and someone'm like, what's happening? And then I get on a longboat and then they charge me thousands of dollars and I'm like, well, I'm on a boat now. I don't want them to kill me. And then you get back and someone's like, no, the temple's not closed on Mondays.

Anyway, don't believe your belongings out. Like have them on your person or whatever. Like don't just have them sort of like hanging around. Purchase one of those RFID wallets. I mean, it can't be scanned, but like a paywave thing, it protects your cards. Do people actually do that? Can they come up?

Happened to me. What? God, I feel like an idiot. Yeah, in Edinburgh, it happened to me and my friend, and we got, it was the last day in Edinburgh, and the cops said that someone's been obviously done that thing where they walk past you and they have a machine that will just take your info.

And we both got to the airport to get money out. Ironically, again, heading to Thailand. Actually, the same trip where we then ended up on a long boat with some Australian man. Good. And we had no money. Both of our accounts had been drained. Right. Because I'm operating on the hope that when they scan my wallet, it says too many cards.

Yeah. Yeah. Because sometimes one card is scanned. Like literally at the supermarket, it'll be like too many cards yeah because sometimes one card is scanned like literally at the supermarket it'll be like too many cards or a caffeine

you're like yeah so surely it's quite hard to do that but maybe not yeah hey do you know we actually have some insight

into pickpocketing and Shannon actually tried it on me before because Shannon your boyfriend is a thief that's the simple way to put it he's got to keep up

with you yeah no so obviously my boyfriend's a thief? That's the simple way to put it, yeah. He's got to keep up with you. Yeah, no. So obviously my boyfriend's a magician. Obviously. That's your type. Yeah. Loves a bad boy.

Couldn't have said it without laughing. I like the bad boys. But no, so part of some of the work he does. So he's a magician forefront, but he does have pickpocketing skills. But he doesn't use it for bad, you know. Oh, yeah, he only uses it for entertainment. For entertainment purposes. He's like Robin Hood. Yes, oh, my goodness.

Stealing for good. Hot. Yeah, hot leggings. Yum. But, no, he's done it on me aplenty. And, yeah, I kind of did it on Hayley before. It's not about actually trying to deceive them. It's just about distraction. Your technique was shocking, by the way. You just grabbed Hayley's hands and's not about actually trying to deceive them. It's just about distraction.

Your technique was shocking, by the way. You just grabbed Hayley's hands and shook them wildly. I shook them wildly and they started fumbling around my wrist. But no, it's all about getting your attention focused somewhere else in your body, but being able to justify why you're touching their hands. Well, that's what this pickpocketer said, is stay vigilant.

Yeah. Be looking out for people grabbing your hand and shaking them. Because I read a scam once in South America, they'd squirt you or accidentally spill sauce on you. And then you'd be like, oh my god, I've got mayonnaise on me. That's great. Yeah, they squirt you and then you're just like, ah, I've got sauce

on me. I'll send that to Brendan. That's what he's doing in his magic show. He's going, pfft. You're not going to get rave reviews on the cruise. On a high-end cruise. The magician then squirted me with tomato sauce. Next on the show, the government had an announcement yesterday that may make it easier or harder and more expensive

to have a pet if you're flatting. Yeah, better for the pets and the landowners and also for the government. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley. Yesterday the government announced a two week pet bond and obligations for tenants to pay damage that their animals

cause in a bid to make renting with pets easier. It was a weird one because they paraded out their dogs. Chris Fisher and David Seymour paraded out their dogs and some other people had dogs there and it was like, we love animals. We'll distract you with these gorgeous animals.

We've got some great news if you're a renter with a pet. But then the great news was way more for the landlords because they can charge you a bond and a bond is pretty much at their discretion whether or not they ever give back to you. How was it angled at being great for the tenant?

They had animals with them. That was all it was like. I hate. It was a nothing announcement. Smokescreen. Exactly. I hate that David Seymour has a Leon burger. I know.

Because I love those dogs. You've fallen in love. But I hate David Seymour. I know. So it was this Bond thing that can be given back, that they can take. It's now any, any, if you, because previously, I believe if you gave your tenants the okay to have a cat

and wear and tear happened that the cat was responsible for, the cat owners know what. My cat loves scratching carpets. So that's all, now that's gone because you can't say it's accidental and they gave you permission. So that's another. But then that's fair enough though, isn't it? If your dog or your cat's going to ruin something

you should pay for it. But shouldn't that just be part of your normal bond? Well, you'd think so. And then, well, they can take more bond now and take more money from it. And then the third point was the landlord can still say no on reasonable grounds. Now, what constitutes

reasonable grounds? That's such an airy-fairy term. Because weren't there countries, was it Australia as well? Oh, no, that was something else. It was about being able to paint the walls. But there was a country that was saying you can't say no to giving out your house to people with pets because of the mental health benefits of pet ownership. I think it was the Greens Party policy before the last election as well.

Right, maybe that's what I'm thinking of. You know, a lot of tenants look to make this a rental, their long-term home in a long-term home. Yeah, exactly. We're not just like jumping from house to house to house. But it might make, I guess, but that's the thing. People don't have the money for all this bond. I mean, it's hard enough to get your, when you sign up to a flat,

to have four weeks and then a fee and then now to have an extra few weeks just for a pet. But it may make landlords rent out their homes because you know how hard it is to get a place for a cat or a dog. Yeah, twice in the houses that we have rented since we had Raleigh,

we applied for it because it was so hard. You go on Trade Me or whatever and you go, you know, on Trade Me or whatever and you go rentals in this area and you go pet friendly and it would be like six and then you take away pet friendly and there would be like hundreds. So we used to not put it and then if we found a place

we liked we'd say to them are we allowed a cat afterwards and then a lot of the time because they'd say no pets because they thought of some giant dog like shitting inside or something. Yeah, and running on the hardwood floor and tearing it to pieces. And then twice we paid a little extra. We said, oh, we've got a cat, but can we pay a little?

And they were like, of course. Rolly rent. Rolly rent. Once it was $10 and once it was $20 and we just did that. Right. He's a good cat. I personally think there should be a child bond. Exactly, though.

Exactly, Vaughan. I think you should have to, if you've got children, you should have to pay extra bonds. For crayoning the walls. For everything. For everything. They're more likely to piss on the carpet than my cat. A child.

They are monsters. They are home ruiners. You chose to have them. See, I'd definitely have to pay a bond for my cat. He'll mess everything up. Do you know what that cat needs? Is a clip around the ears. That cat needs a pick in the ass and a spray of water

on a sock thrown at him. You did clip it around the ears. Yeah. Somebody just sent in, because you guys said you like Leon burgers. Yes. Sammy the Leo. Sammy underscore the underscore Leo.

Thank you. This is him coming out the gate to greet someone when they get home. It's like a huge. That is him coming out the gate to greet someone when they get home. It's like a huge. That is massive. He's a monster. Look at this because that guy doesn't look like that. Look at this giant excitable

bat. That dog would eat like 500 kgs of meat a week. It's ginormous. Hi, my name is Samson. I'm almost 7 years old. I live in Tauranga. I love the beach, floating, long walks, other doggos and cuddles. Well, I like you, Sam.

Wait, he likes floating? That's a great thing for a dog to like. Floating? And like the ocean on the Mount Beach? Oh my god. Should we go down this weekend? His best friend is a chihuahua. I don't like that. Should we go down this weekend and pat him?

We should. Yeah. Sammy, we're on our way. We're on our way. Just to pat a dog. I'll do it. Oh, my God. He's big.

That's a Spitz. That's not a chihuahua. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley. Blah, blah, blah. Blah, blah, blah, blah. This is the Top Six. Hello there, man. Pleads guilty to vandalising K Road.

Our rainbow crossing has to pay $16,000 in reparations. And that's it? Recorded as a hate crime? Also, wasn't he driving a car that had the licence plates removed? He's like admitted to the crime. Wouldn't you get him for that as well? Get him on that one. Get him on that one. Get him on that one. Get him on that one.

Get him on that one. A number of things. Is there a charge for being a dick? Yeah, a big one actually. Big fine for being a dick. Yeah. Actually, that'd be a great one because... It's prison time.

You can actually make a lot of money in this country just charging people who are dicks for being a dick. So no further penalties were imposed and O'Connor was discharged without conviction. Prior to the man's arrest, police said they were treating the vandalism as a hate crime, but they are recorded by police. They're not standalone offences.

So it's on his record, but that's it? Yeah. Okay. But if you're discharged without a conviction, is that on your record? Yeah, I think if you've been in, it's on your record. But that's not enough punishment for me. I've got the top six punishments for the Rainbow Crossing Destroyer.

Give it to him. Number two, straight to number two. Number six on the list of the punishments for the Rainbow Crossing Destroyer, watch two men kiss for ages. For ages. Tongue. For ages. Of course.

Tongue kiss. Tongue, tongue. Yeah. And some humming. Yeah. For ages. Tongue. For ages. Of course. Tongue kiss. Tongue, tongue. Yeah. And some humming. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. And then join in. Yeah, and then they've got to join in.

If he wants, at his own discretion. If the other two want as well. Could sway him. Because, you know, it's always the ones that do this kind of stuff. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. You know, like the senators in America that get caught in a public toilet when they're all like... With a rent boy.

Yeah. Yeah, they've all been... With a rent boy. Yeah. Yeah, they've all been like, oh, the gays are destroying this country. And then, hello, airport bathroom. Hello, diddies. Number five on the list of the top six punishments for the rainbow crossing destroyer. After watching two men kiss, watch two women kiss. Oh, yeah.

I like that, though. They've got less of an issue with the lesbians. Less of an issue with the lesbians. Somehow they've got less of an issue, eh? Yeah, weird. I like that, though. They've got less of an issue with the lesbians. Less of an issue with the lesbians. Somehow they've got less of an issue, eh? Yeah, weird. Yeah. Well, that's a weird one. Number four on the list of the top six punishments

for the Rainbow Crossing destroyer. Go to Family Bar, which is just up the road from this crossing. Go to Family Bar on their harness nights in appropriate dress. Yeah. What colour are they wearing? What colour harness? Because it all means something different. It does. You could go to one of Toddy's parties. Yeah. What colour are they wearing? What colour harness? Because it all means something different.

It does. You could go to one of Toddy's parties. Yeah. How about I drag him into this? What? Drag him into this. Toddy doesn't want

this guy at his parties. Harness. Stop saying his name. Stop saying his name. He doesn't need to be the harness party rep. I mean, he's got a great array of harnesses.

He doesn't need to be repped at the harness parties. We're going to be in trouble. You Google what that means if you've got questions. Number three on the list of the top six punishments for the Rainbow Crossing destroyer. Sit down and really address the fact that Jesus was always hanging out with 12 dudes wearing togas. AKA dresses.

I'm just saying. They were wearing dresses. And hanging out and having dinner parties. And hard to hide a stiffy in a toga. Oh my god. Impossible. Picture 10. They a stiffy in a tonneau. Oh, my God. Pitch a ten. They never did. You just didn't bother.

Yeah. Number two on the list of the top six punishments of the Rainbow Crossing destroyer, be the drag queen at drag queen story hour. Yes. Get someone to make them up. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

What story are they reading? A bit of Red Riding Hood. Okay. You know. The Devil's Work. Yes, of course, because... I was thinking James and the Giant Peach. Oh, Big Peach.

Big Peach. And number one on the list are the top six punishments of the Rambo Crossing Destroyer. Tell us what's really wrong. Tell us what's wrong. Are you okay? We can sit down and we can talk about it. It's time to talk about our feelings.

It is. And why we're really acting out towards a community that has done nothing to affect you whatsoever. That's today's Top So. Play. ZM's Fletchvorn and Hayley. Fletchvorn and Hayley. Silly little po.

Silly little po. It is so silly, silly, silly, that silly little pole, silly little pole. Silly little pole, silly little pole, silly little pole. Today's silly little pole off the back of a study out of America that shows that Americans prefer to roadie over flying. Like, by quite a lot. Right. I listen to a podcast, the Myers brothers, Seth Myers and his brother Josh,

and they always ask people their preferred mode of transport for holidays. Yep. And it's train. Americans are always just like, train. Oh, my God, I caught the train Sunday. It was lovely. Yeah. And it's train. Americans are always just like train. Oh, my God. I caught the train Sunday. It was lovely. Yeah.

Apparently, America's trains aren't as good as they used to be. But did you see that new 400-kilometer-an-hour train that China just is about to launch? Yeah, they've got great trains there in Japan. They have great trains. Yeah, Japan has great trains. I think trains would be great to do like Europe and do trains. Yeah, you've done some trains in Europe. Europe's so beautiful.

The vistas. Yeah, beautiful. So this trip, I assume the Ciladra Pole is purely domestically because it's pretty hard to road trip out of New Zealand. Yeah. Yes, no, you'd go up and down the country. Well, and the fact most Americans don't even have a passport. I love driving across New Zealand.

It's beautiful. Yeah. But I'd rather just get to the destination. Yeah, once you've done it once. How do you prefer to travel for a holiday? Plane, 78%. Roadie, 22%. There you go.

Rachel said, roadie, so I can sing like I'm in a car by myself and not on a plane where people are staring at me like I've escaped from somewhere. No, you can sing on the planes. Please don't. Hannah, a plane because it's the only way to travel somewhere interesting. Excuse me, we've got a very interesting country, Hannah. I'm taking that personally.

My brother and I are doing this next year, flying to Wellington, then road tripping up to Rotorua and possibly on to Auckland. Yeah, good deal. Beautiful. Louise, got to choose the car so we can take our spoilt rescue dogs with us. Making the most of their lives is what we it. Beautiful. Louise, got to choose the car so you can take our spoiled rescue dogs with us. Making the most of their lives is what we love.

Aww. As a rescue owner. You don't own a rescue dog. I get it. I get it. I rescued my cat. Mine was in a plastic bag. Yeah.

Yours was in a bloody gold box or something. Yeah. Arrived with a bow on it. Lucy said, even though I get debilitating car sickness, I'd still rather deal with that on a roadie than all the people in the airport. Yeah. Arrived with a bow on it. Lucy said, even though I get debilitating car sickness, I'd still rather deal with that on a roadie than all the people in the airport. Yeah. Charlie, flying is more exciting than driving. Tell me I'm wrong.

You're wrong. No, he's right. You can kind of stop. If you're going somewhere and you're driving and you're like, oh, that's neat, stop. You can look. You can't do that on a plane. They don't like you trying to stop the plane. You can ask, though.

You can ask. Can we just pop down there? Can we please? Planes are boring after the first 10 minutes, but you get to exciting destinations. I voted road trip. If budget wasn't an issue, I'd opt for plane. Yeah.

That says Rebecca. True. Roadie, the journey is half the fun, says Nicola. Yeah. Train. It is on the way down. Ruby's going train. And then you want to ditch your friends and fly

home. Get home. Do a one-way relocate or hire a car. Yes. Then you don't have to drive all the way back as well. Flying because it means I get further away and I can also drink and fly. True. Unless you're the pilot. You're not allowed to do that. No. Only the pilot.

Play. ZM's Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley. A dude in the UK, this comes from like an advice column sort of situation. But basically, this guy's been living in a flat with someone who, when they cook, they don't turn off the gas. Oh, okay. The gas? Yeah. Which you can smell. No, well, that's what, this person arrives home, opens the door and immediately smells a house filled with gas. Yeah. Which you can smell. No, well, that's what, this person arrives home, opens the door,

and immediately smells a house filled with gas. Oh, my God. But the people who are in there and his girlfriend who have been cooking apparently don't smell the gas, can't smell the gas. Well, no, because you're used to it, aren't you? If it slowly starts filling up, maybe. Do you know my, you know how my oven and stove blew up and I had to buy a new one?

All right. Well, let's not say blew up. Okay, it started turning itself on without me there at my house. Tried to kill you. Tried to kill me. The new one that I've got is an induction or whatever and it turns itself off.

You take a pot off and you just hear and I've got into the habit now where I don't turn it off because it turns itself off. That's bad. But also induction doesn't heat unless something's on it that's made to be heated on it. Yeah, like a pot. So it's got anything magnetic, right? Like cast iron and that. It won't burn your hand. No.

I've got a gas stove and it's not a good, like it just came with the house. And it's definitely not one that turns itself off. Have you ever left the gas on? No, never. As soon as I'm finished cooking, it's off and off at the wall because then it won't release the gas.

Yeah. Didn't you leave a barbecue where your place once and you got singed? Was that you? I don't think so. Maybe. I don't know. I can't remember because I inhaled so much gas from that time I left a barbecue on.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I feel like someone got singed. Was it that I'll do that thing where I'll turn a barbecue gas on and then go click, click, click, click, click, click, and if it doesn't ignite, I'll just leave the gas going, walk inside, get matches, come back out in the night

and just chuck it in. Might have been that, yeah. And then it goes, oof. Yeah, yeah. Oh my God, it's so dangerous. Because then that's always the stories you hear about houses. It's like the fridge may have a little spark or something.

And if your kitchen's filled with gas... A baboonfa. A baboonfas. Well, even just living with people, you've got to trust them. Like, people with candles. Hair straighteners. Hair straighteners and candles. Women and hair straighteners. New hair straighteners kind of like your oven, they've got a thing. They'll turn themselves off.

After a while, yeah. After a while, but I've got old hair straighteners, and that'll just cook you up. Melt and burn anything. Yeah. So we wanted to take some calls this morning. It doesn't have to be gas related. It doesn't have to be leaving something on,

but we want to know what's like the worst thing someone you've been living with has done. Yeah. I mean, there's flatmates getting on your nerves with little things, but what is the worst thing somebody's done? Ever been living in a flat and the flatmate's been up to nefarious,

you know, ne'er-do-well activities and the police have raided your flat? And then find a meth lab in their bedroom? Oh, my gosh. That would be an acceptable story. There would be signs. You'd think there would be signs. Yeah, like carrying in a whole lot of signs. Like a huge power bill?

Yeah. Do you need a lot of power to make meth? You should ask your meth friend. Not your friend that does meth, your friend that busts meth labs. My friend who works with the police busting meth labs. Because I know you need a lot of power for hydroponics.

Yeah, because you've got to have the lights. Yeah, you've got to have the lights. But I don't know what it's like in meth. Do you need bubble, bubble, bubble, bubble? Just fucking... You need a gas. Require a lot of... You shouldn't be playing with a gas bottle in your room. No.

I wouldn't think. Okay, 0800 dials at Emma's number. You can text through 9696. What is the worst thing that a flatmate has done? I came home once to a... My flatmate had a party and everyone was tagging our walls. And he said, we'll just paint it. What?

Yeah. Okay, no, that's not cool. That was pretty bad. Yeah, that's pretty bad. That was pretty bad. 0800-DARLS-IT-AM-9696. What's the worst thing a flatmate has done? We're talking about the worst thing someone you've been living with has done.

The flatmates are oftentimes strangers. Yes. You have to be able to trust them. There's an article out of the UK that the flatmates come home like multiple times and the gas has just been on. Head up the flatmate saying, hey, look, if it happens again, I'm going to talk to the landlord about breaking my part of the lease early and move out.

And the flatmate who's left the gas on, rather than being like, oh, my God, I got out of my way to not leave that gas on, said, okay, yeah, just give us a heads up if you're going to do that because I'll try to get out of my way to not leave that gas on said okay yeah just give us a heads up if you're going to do that because I'll try to get out of it too I'd just light a cigarette do you know what I mean you just light a candle inside and be like

oh well you did that a gas fitter messaged in all gas appliances are now fitted with a device that shuts off the gas supply if no flame is present it prevents gas from continually flowing

and filling the room amazing is that in the device or on the thing that brings the gas? Don't know. Must be the device, right? All gas appliances. Remember that house that just blew up?

Yes, yes. Happens all the time in America. In America, you just see it go. And, like, takes out a whole bloody neighbourhood. Anonymous, good morning. What's the weirdest thing a flatmate's done? Is this me? Yes.

It's you. Yeah, so there's a little bit of a story to it. So my first flat I lived in with four boys, one of them being my partner. It was a good flat, two parties here and there. And one night we had a party with quite a few people and had lost one of our flatmates. Couldn't find him anywhere.

About half an hour later, we realised he was in the toilet. Now, in the toilet, on the toilet door, it's like a sliding door and it has a bit of a latch lock. Couldn't find him. Knocking on the door, realised it was him and then got a knife in between the latch and the door, swung it open, and there he was, shaving his boobs with my shaver.

Oh, my God! What? Oh, man. No! Was it an electric shaver? Is that why you didn't hear the knocking and stuff, because of the giggity-giggity-giggity? It was one of the ones with, like, the razor on the end

and then, like, the shaving paw on the other side. Yeah, the women's one, you can get one that's, like, a normal head shaver and then on the end it's got like a pube trimmer. Not using that again. Had he done it before? Pardon, sorry? Had he done it before or was this the first time?

Have I? No, had he done that before, like used your shaver? Not that I know of, but it was a pretty manky old shaver, so I'm sure he would have got a bit of shaving rash. He would have had a rashy groin. That's so yucky. Yeah, that is. Anonymous, thank you for sharing. Lynn, what's the worst thing a flatmate

did? A student nerd slating in Ponsonby, one of those two-story, really skinny little, like, terrace places that are really close together. Yeah. Fairly short-sighted view there. Yeah. They were burning the actual house panels.

Yeah, yeah. They weren't clapping with both hands, those guys. They were not thinking of what was going on. They weren't clapping with both hands is a very nice way of saying that. I like that. Yeah, that is. Did you get the bond back, Lynn? I actually moved out pretty much two weeks later. Just said, oh, I can't afford it.

I'm a student. So I said I was moving home. So that wasn't my thing, not my dishes. It didn't matter. I was gone. Bye. That's so good. Burning the literal house.

Lynn, thank you. Sarah, what's the worst thing a flatmate did? The worst thing, guys, picture this, two-story townhouse, just a couple of bedrooms. I went away for the weekend. When I came back, the flatmate said that she'd let some friends sleep on a mattress downstairs. I was like, see, I go to get into bed that night

and there's really long, dark hair and blood all through my sheets. I don't know what happened. I'm blonde. And not bleeding? And not bleeding. But you know what? I decided I'm never ever ever going to get another flatmate but I just tell the mortgage I've got, well I tell the bank

I've got one so I can keep my mortgage. Oh my god. Oh that's grim. Oh, that's grim. That's a bit grim. Okay. Wait, so you owned the house as well? I own the house. Wait, so what did you say?

Like, did you go to your flatmate and be like, why is there blood all over my shoes? Look, there's actually, it was actually a bit of a story, and it ended up being a Snapchat story to all my friends over the course of the evening. So there was a drawer next to my bed that has some indoor gardening toys in it.

She'd been babysitting over the weekend and apparently the kid had been in my room and so she said that she had to make my bed or whatnot. But I came back and the indoor gardening toys were all not quite how I left them. Oh!

What? Did you throw came back and the indoor gardening toys were all not quite how I left them. Oh, my God. What? I know. Did you throw those out? Yes, hell yes. Yep. Wow. What happened in there?

Oh, my God. What happened in there, Sarah? I know, I know. It was Moira. So I think she heard me telling everyone on Snapchat what was going on because she said that she was going to move out the next day. Oh, yeah, fair enough. Okay. Jeepers.

She moved out that quick. There's some real guilt there. There's some real shame and guilt. Pop a towel down. Do you know what I mean? Pop a towel down. Somebody said this is absolutely great chat for someone to hear when they're moving into their first flat on Saturday.

Oh, yeah. First ever flat. First ever flat. Oh, wow. Welcome to the world of just hating it. It doesn't normally... Thank you, Sarah. It doesn't... It's not normally this bad.

It's normally people stealing a bit of your food out of the fridge. Yeah. Maybe having some late parties when you've got work. Not your fun toys and then just reading your sheets. Yeah. There's some really awful messages that I can't even read out. Is this... Would we do an extra bit of pod for this, do you think?

Or are they so grim that no one should hear them? Hang on, I haven't opened the text. The one second at the top of the person who moved into a flat with a group of uni lads. We're just hospice, so often not home. A few weeks into living there, I was finally home on Sunday and their Sunday tradition was to sit in the lounge.

My old flatmate used to stick chewing gum everywhere on the shower walls, the bench, her door, et cetera, so she'd always be able to find a piece that she could pick up and eat again later, even if it had gone hard. See why I said silent reading when I got to the end? Why did they watch it together, though? I don't understand.

I don't know they shouldn't be doing it. They would get takeaways and they would sit down and watch some adult films together as a group. And do what? I had a flatmate who got drunk and thought the front door took too long to get to so started his chainsaw and was going to cut a new door through the floorboards

where he thought was more appropriate. Luckily an item of his washing got caught in the chain and went into the chainsaw and stopped the chainsaw and it meant that he didn't. This is why we have bonds. Our washing machine burnt our house down. We all

tried to blame each other but it was just an old washing machine and it caught fire in the middle of the night and burnt the house down. Oh, my old flatmate used to stick chewing gum everywhere including on the shower walls. I just read that one, hon. Oh, did you? Oh, sweaty hon. Sorry, I was still revelling about... You were revelling in the

Sunday night tradition. Sunday session. Yeah. My flatmate had a deep fryer, and when they moved in, they're like, you guys are going to love this. There's a deep fryer. And we're all just like, I don't think anyone's going to love a deep fryer. They left the deep fryer on one night, burnt the house down at 3 a.m.

Never drink and fry. Never drink and fry? Never drink and fry. Probably put it on a timer too, so I just turned it down. Are you allowed to drink and air fry? No. No, that's hot. Because that's just air.

Yeah, but it's hot. It's still hot. I can still get a little crazy in there. Somebody said, oh, your caller that just called in before surely can't be the only person that's come home from being away for a week and to find out that their bed has been used for sex of strangers. Yeah. I've slept in a few.

Hayley! I've jumped in a few spare rooms in my time. Yeah, a bit on the floor. But again, put a towel down. Put a towel down. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley. Oh, it's me. Now, producer Shannon admitted to us this morning

through, I guess, a smile that looked slightly different than it usually does, that she had a bit of an accident yesterday on a surprising food item. Yeah. That should not hurt you, Shannon. I know. I'll set the scene.

Saw tummy yesterday, so I slammed a whole loaf of Turkish bread to try sort out my stomach. That'll do it. No, to sort it out, to fix it. Yeah, that'll do it. I'll just stodge myself up. That'll fix it?

Yeah. Does that work? Yes. Yeah. It's like eating a sponge and you're hoping that whatever's causing the issue Will be absorbed into the bread I'd had four on Dancitron anti-nauseas

And then a whole loaf of bread Are those those delicious ones you give us sometimes? The cherry ones It's like an ABBA song isn't it? That's what Shannon gives Auntie Hayley and Uncle Fletch When they come to work hungover Can I have one of your little lollies, please?

But yeah, so I wasn't feeling great. And then I had all this bread and I said, I deserve a little treat now. I've nurtured myself with Turkish bread and lemonade. Time for a treat. Lemonade? I don't know. I don't want a lemonade treat.

I would have thought you were a lemonade ice block. Yeah. Popsicle. Yeah. So then I was like, time for a treat. And I remembered I had half of an Easter egg left from Easter in the fridge. All right, you're doing well. Yeah.

So I, it was like a hollow one, like, you know, the cheaper ones. And I took a, you know. What are you chucking in on top as well? Turkish bread, lemonade, four of those pills, some chocolate. Why have I got such a sore stomach? Heaven forbid a vegetable entered your mouth. No, no, no, no, no. Have you heard of fruit?

No, no, not at all. So I break a shard off this egg with my hands. Beautiful. Great use of the word shard, actually. Thank you. Good use of the word shard. Yeah, maybe like less than the palm of your hand. Great use of the word shard, actually. Thank you. Good use of the word shard. Felt good. Yeah, maybe like less than the palm of your hand.

Can chocolate be shard, though? Yes, because it was cold. Yes, all shards of chocolate. Chocolate shards. No, I thought it was only for a glass or something. No, no, no, shards for sure. And because it was cold, it went snap. That's beautifully tempered chocolate.

Did you Google shard? A piece of broken ceramic metal, glass, or rock, typically having sharp edges. Thank you. Well, an egg beautifully tempered chocolate. Did you Google shard? A piece of broken ceramic metal glass or rock typically having sharp edges. Thank you. Well, an egg is nearly a rock. It cannot be a shard. It cannot be a chocolate. Can chocolate... Who made you shard, please?

Excuse me, I am just... I just want the definition to be true. I don't know if it can be shard. Can chocolate technically be a shard? Did you just call it shartlet? Shartlet? Did I say shartlet? You said, can shartlet be a sh? Did you just call her Charlotte? Charlotte? Did I say Charlotte? You said, can Charlotte be a shark?

I meant chocolate. I broke off a piece of chocolate. Thank you. Now the story sucks. You've ruined it. But I used my hand, so it's not like I... Yeah. With my mouth.

I broke off a piece, and then I toddled back to my room, put it in my mouth, and I get the hardest crunch ever. And I panicked, and instead of, in hindsight, should have spat it out and been like, what did I just crunch? I just swallowed. Yeah, of course. Panicked and swallowed. A panic swallow. We're all being there.

I don't know what to do with it. Yeah, look, it happens to the best of us. Yeah, it really, it got me. So I swallowed. And then I was like, well, that's fine. Nothing serious has happened. And so I was trying to think, I was like, what could that have been? It was really hard and really

loud. Like, I felt it in my brain. Yes. And then I felt my tongue bleeding. You've got a sharp tooth, don't you? That's a shard of tooth. No, that's a shard of tooth, yes. No, it didn't say bone on the list. Yeah, well, yeah, I've cracked my tooth. On chocolate.

And so you've lost a bit of tooth. I've lost the back of my tooth, and now my tongue keeps bleeding. Now, the problem is you swallowed, so the tooth is gone. You need to get that piece for the dentist, because they put it back on. You're going to have to fish through your poops. So you are going to have to sieve your poo. I'm so sorry.

But luckily because of the bread and the chocolate and the lollies it's probably take a while for you to pass this. Yeah, there's no fibre in there really, is there? No. My immediate thought, as soon as I realised I chipped my tooth, because I've never had this happen

before, is I ran to the fridge and got really cold water and drank it and it didn't hurt and I was like I'm good. Oh you thought it might have chipped all the way down to it. But there's no pain so I think I'm just not going to do anything about it. Just head a dentist message and you

are going to need to get that chip. Confirmation you do have to sip your poo. But I don't want to do that. It's either that or you're always going to have a Chip tooth Is it actually a problem? Or you have to get the tooth removed

Yeah They either have to remove the tooth They need that bit To put it back on Wait So you are going to need To sieve your poo I can't tell if you're messing with me

Or not No I'm sorry I'm sorry Because I've done it And I took in the chip Because I didn't swallow And I took it in And they just

They use a dental spoon Did you spit it out Or just Yeah I can't He is absolutely winding it in and they just, they use a dental scoop. Did you spit it out or just? Yeah. I can't. He is absolutely winding you up. Do not say that. Hayley! Hayley! Because she will

believe this. She was believing me. She'll believe it. It's Shannon. Of course she'll listen. Oh my goodness. I was freaking out. I was freaking out. No, hon. If it gets that bad they'll just make you a new one with a fresh compressor. Because Hayley gets one. I might just chip just through talking.

I've probably chipped four teeth during this break. Because I'm not going to get it checked out. No, don't. It'll smooth out. It'll stop cutting your tongue. I can't go to the mechanic or the dentist right now. So I'm just going to live with it. Okay.

Whittaker's have a recipe on their website how to make chocolate shards. Now, if Whittaker's are telling me chocolate can be a shard, I am willing to overlook the Collins Dictionary. You're going to have to message Whittakers and tell them they can't use that word. Technically, it has to be metal, bone. Is there glass in this chocolate, Whittakers? Glass.

Metal. Next on the show. Where in the world men sit down to pee? And New Zealand is on this list. And we actually have a story from the studio. ZM. Now, I obviously sit down to pee. Sometimes I hover if it's a public toilet.

Those public toilets that don't have seats and they're like prison toilets, they're stainless steel. Stainless steel. Yuck, those are're like prison toilets, they're stainless steel. Stainless steel. Yuck, those are not good. Yeah, they're no good. Well, I've got a graph here of where in the world men sit down to pee. They were asked every time, most times, sometimes, rarely or never is the options they were given. We're not even on the list.

Oh, we're not? I thought the list. Oh, we're not? I thought we were. No, we're not. But Australia is. Oh, well. Close enough. We'll align with them, shall we? We'll tag on to them.

I'd sit down less if I was in Australia because of the spiders under the tallie suit. Yeah, Martinip, you're on the deck. Yeah. Oh, the bum. You don't want a red backbite in your bum. No. So Australians are apparently sitting down to pee 25% of the time.

Men. Men are. So penis owners. 25% of the time they're sitting down. My penis needs a warrant of fitness. Oh, really? Does it? I'm going to go to PTNZ.

PTNZ. Does it? Yeah. Penis testing. Yeah. What do they do? Well, a guy in overalls, you walk in and you stand over the pit, and a guy in overalls comes out and gets underneath.

With a torch. And it gives you a 40-point safety check. Yeah, right. Yeah. Tighten it up, give it an oil. Yeah, yeah, give it an oil, give it a change. Pump it up, give it a pump. Give it an alignment.

Yeah. Make sure it's all straightened out. Okay. Nice. So 25% of people of men are sitting down to pee every time. Yeah. 14% of people are sitting down to pee most times. That's already so much more than I thought.

Yeah. A quarter of people are sitting down to pee every single time. The people in the world that sit down the most to pee is Germany. Really? 40% of them sit every single time they sit down to pee. 40% of German men? Yeah. Wow. And then 22% of them said every single time. They sit down to pee. 40% of German men? Yeah. Wow. And then 22% said most of the time. So that's like, what,

60 odd percent? Only 10% said never. Wow. And 8% said rarely. So they're sitting down all the time to take a wee-wee. That is wild. Sweden's just under them. Mexico, barely sitting down. They're standing. Yep. Most of the time they're standing. Now, we were talking about this, and I have lots of questions about sitting down They're standing Yep Most of the time they're standing

Now we were talking about this And I have lots of questions about sitting down to pee For guys? Yeah like Sit down Yeah And are we thumbing it into the bowl? You've got to

I said Are we holding it and pointing it? You've got to point it down But it hangs down, doesn't it? Well, some... Lucky for some, you know? Lucky for some. For some people, it's got enough to hang.

Yeah, right. But if you had a particularly small member, and no commentary from me on a small member, but wouldn't it just sit sort of flapping on top? Wouldn't it be enough to get in? You're saying it might kind of squirt outwards or under the seat yes there's been times

that different toilet designs you've got to you've got to point it down because if you just like just chuck it in yeah and it's in there somewhere it'll

right it'll go out the front because I will and I'll stand by this I've said it before I will sit down to pee in the middle of the night like three o'clock

in the morning I don't turn the lights on I know my house I know how to get to the toilet and the bathroom I'll sit down but what in the middle of the night, like three o'clock in the morning. I don't turn the lights on. I know my house. I know how to get to the toilet and the bathroom. I'll sit down. But what, you just turn on like your little dim light, your mirror light or something? No, I have like, the mirror has this little ring for the power.

And it gives enough? And it gives enough light that I can see. But not enough to aim? But not enough, no, not enough to aim. And I don't want to be woken up. Because I've only got maybe a couple of hours of sleep left. So you stumble, stumble, stumble, sit down, tuck it into the bowl?

Because if you stand up, it could go anywhere, because I'm not looking. Eyes closed, I'm half asleep. It's just an image for me, Fletch, because I know your house, and I know that you sleep entirely nude. Yeah, I do. I go to the toilet absolutely nude. So you're shuffling along and then sitting on the toilet entirely nude,

tucked in like a little girl. You don't tuck. I mean, stop bragging. Sitting there, you just sit there and it goes in the bowl. Vaughan, how often would you sit to do a wee-wees? Like never. If all I'm doing is weeing, how often would you sit to do a wee-wees? Like, never. If all I'm doing is weeing, I never sit to just wee. You've got a light on?

Oh, we've got this little, you walk in and it goes click and it just chucks a bit of light on the ground. Oh, it must be nice. A sense of light. Really lovely. It is actually really nice. But so you'll stand up and you'll wake yourself up if it's three in the morning.

Wake. I'm just kind of on autopilot. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But you're standing. But do you ever miss? Do you ever miss? No. Pretty good aim.

Pretty good aim. Pretty good aim. Pretty good aim. It's not the size of the cannon, mate. It's the target. You hit. Are you standing because you can't tuck? Because it doesn't hang.

It doesn't go down far. It doesn't hang. It doesn't hang enough. It's like hinge. It's like a tiny hinge. It's sort of resting on top of you. I'm going to point it down. I get embarrassed every time I poo.

I get so embarrassed. Just quickly, apparently there is a well-known phrase for when you're sitting down to pee and your willy hits the bowl. Oh, what is it? When you tuck it in and it hits the... It's called a witch's kiss. Ooh, I don't like that at all. It's cold.

You'd have to be absolutely packing in New Zealand for that to happen, but in America, their water level is like... No, not the water, just the bowl. Just the front of the bowl. When you sit down and the bowl's there and you tuck it in, it goes under the seat and hits the bowl.

Yeah, the cold porcelain. Witch's kiss. That's really good. All right. I want different things. School holidays. Yeah, it is. The school holidays.

Yesterday, August and I went to Mitre 10. Okay. Always got a project on. Bloody me. Yeah, I know you. Always telling the missus to stop spending money and then go in there and spend a few hundred bucks. But you got a project on. Got, I know you. Always telling the missus to stop spending money and then go in there and spend a few hundred bucks. But you've got a project on.

You've got a bloody project on. So I needed some lumber. That's wood. What do we make of it? Well, put up another fence. Why do you need another fence? Why do you need to fence things in? Do you, though?

Things need to be kept in. Things need to be kept out. That's right. We'll see whose fence you're hiding behind when the end of the world comes. I'm going to walk. Use guns you want to use to fight off the raiders. I saw the fence you were making that'd shoot you between the gaps. Oh, yeah, no, that's just an animal fence.

Oh, yeah, that's not saving anyone, is it? No, no, that wasn't saving anybody. But we went to Mitre 10 and we walked into the trade part. Of course, Hiver's on. Workbird's on. Look in the pan. I think that's where I'm going. Pencil Look in the post. I know your pen name there. Pencil in the air.

A few of the guys do. Actually, where I'm going at the end of the world, not your place. Oh, it'd be a great place to go. Because you can hang out in the garden area. I've said this before, in the zombie apocalypse, a Mitre 10 would be a great setup.

Yeah, yeah. Hell yeah. Providing there's enough food left in the cafeteria. Well, probably enough to ration out until you can get the vegetables in the vegetable department growing. Yeah. Whittaker's blocks, the Whittaker's peanut slabs and stuff.

Yeah, the tradie fridge. And you've got lots of electrolytes, Powerade, snack master. Yeah, you've got Powerade, you've got your iced coffees. You've got your mammoths. This place is a great place for a zombie apocalypse. Oh, it's fantastic. And it turns out school holidays. Yeah, it's cool because we walked in and August was like,

you know what, Dad, I love the smell of wood. Oh, my God, yeah. And I was like, oh, let's go around and we'll sniff all the different. So we went around, we had a sniff of the treated. We had a sniff of the not treated. Oh, dear. Wait, so you were just walking around sniffing wood. I was like, there's different woods and they've all got different smells.

We've got some pine here. Pine smells great. What's a nice one? Macro carp is pretty good. The macro carp asleep. Cedar is really nice. They didn't have cedar there. That's what they put in saunas, eh?

Yep. Now that's a specialist trip and I'm thinking we're going to be doing that at some stage. A sniff of the cedar. Yeah, go for a sniff. We've got some cedar off carts. Do you guys want to come round? For a sniff. Yeah, maybe later this week.. We've got some cedar off cuts. Do you guys want to come round? For a snuff? Yeah, maybe later this week as a snuff.

There's something about walking into a massive tin shed with a roof on it. All right, well, don't sniff the cedar. I'm not poo-pooing your cedar, but I'm just saying it's a good... Go round and sort of a selection of sniffs. I will come round to your house and sniff the cedar, actually. Thank you. Well, he'll sniff all the smell out of it. And then there's going to be no cedar sniffs left for anybody else.

Well, you should have taken up Hayley's offer. It was very kind. It was a very kind offer. Yeah. But now it was a proud moment being told by my daughter that she likes the smell of wood. Should you be sniffing

the treated wood, though? Oh, look. And I think I will be fine. Your face is melting down, my brother. I think I will be fine. Play. ZM's Fletch Vaughan and Hayley.

Guys, I can't even remember the full details of the story. One of our callers from last week was talking about she had, did she call him the wrong name or something? Yes. She had a one-night stand and then called him, like, Jim, and he was Tony or something like that. And then I shared a story, and I'll share it again,

of the time that I, this pre-Aaron, had a little one-night woo-ha. Yeah. And he slept the night at my flat. And in the morning, I looked at him and I thought, I just can't quite put my finger on it. Well, you shouldn't actually without asking him. No, and he was still asleep. Yeah.

And I know it was an odd name. It was like not a You were trying to figure out his name No, Noel Edmonds No, it wasn't Wasn't there Mr Blobby, it wasn't Noel Edmonds at the house party No, I went

Bruce Forsythe It wasn't Bruce Forsythe I went into his phone and I had to like quickly try to find Someone had messaged him saying, hey. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because like you don't often have your own name. And this was like years and years ago. So it wasn't like.

If you go into like, okay, great call. Great question. If you go into like a group chat, it doesn't say your name when you try. No, it doesn't. No, this was before all the apps and stuff. Okay, right. So this is just, this would have been just text. You could probably have found the, hey.

Yeah. So how did you find out his name? I ended up realising he was a friend of a friend's friend. Okay. And I text my friend, who was the link, and I said, who was that guy at that party? And she said, is it? And I said, got it.

What name was it? Do you remember the name? Yeah. Okay. You're not going to say it. It was just an odd name And I said, got it. What name was it? What name? Do you remember the name? Yeah. Okay. You're not going to say it. It was just an odd name. I can't say it because he might be listening. He'll be like, oh, my God, you didn't remember my name.

Because when he woke up, none the wider. All these years later, he's going to be like, harlot. Yeah. It was one of the best nights of my life. And she didn't know my name. The strumpet. Anyway, look, it happens, you know. Things get lost in translation or after a couple of drinks

or you just get straight to it and you forget to ask. We want to know, how did you figure out the name of the person you slept with? Because I know somebody. Oh, yeah. Who isn't me. Who isn't you. I'm a respectable Christian boy, that had to check a gymnastics trophy the next morning.

There was a lot of trophies and a lot of ribbons. Didn't you tell that story at the live show? Yes, but that wasn't when my family or children could possibly be listening. This person I know had to check the gymnastics trophy for a clarification of name because, as you say, it all gets lost in the moment. It all gets lost in the moment. So I am told by this fellow.

So we want to take your calls. Fletch, you don't have any stories to add? No. I'm so innocent. We're all opening up. No, I don't have any. 0800-DOM-ZM. You can text in 9696.

How did you go about figuring out the name of the person you just slept with? And like, are there bonus points if you still can't figure it out? It's like a J.

It's got like a J in it somewhere. It's got a J in it. Jemima. 0800-DALSIT-M. Give us a call. You can text in 9696. I've got the giggles, man. Jemima. 0800 dials at M. Give us a call. You can text in 9696. I've got the giggles, man. I've got the giggles.

This is a very, very funny topic. Some great texts and calls coming in. We want to know, with no judgment, it happens in the heat of the moment. How did you figure out the name of the person you just slept with? You know? Because a caller shared with us a story last week. I've shared my story. Vaughn shared the story

of a friend that's definitely not him. Yeah, definitely not me. Fletcher's about to open up and share one of his stories. One of his many stories. Excuse me. He is rummaging

in the sack. The reason he's taking so long is he can't decide which one of the hundreds of these stories he'd like to share. Excuse me. I will take legal action

against you both. I'm proving it. Anonymous joins us. Good morning, Anonymous. Good morning, how are you going? Good, good. How did you figure out the name of the person

that you slept with? Well, we'd been on a party on a good old bus trip back in the day, those fun ones. Yeah, party bus. Whittier P. Party bus.

Whittier P. Yes, in Christchurch. Awesome. Just against the stripper pole, I think. Whiti P. Party bus. Whiti P. Yes, in Christchurch. Awesome. Just against the stripper pole, I think. Like a cat. Like a dog. Like a dog, yeah. Yeah, and I met this guy, and we went home together.

I woke up in the morning, had no idea. Looked at him, he's still asleep. I thought, oh, no. And I rummaged around his room and found the costume receipt with his name on it. Wait, what costume was he wearing? It was Dracula. So had he hired the costume?

Yes, he'd hired the costume. Gotcha, because I was like, when you go to Look Sharp, they never ask for your name. No, no, no. This was back in the day, like no Look Sharps around. You had to hire a costume. Yeah, so I found that receipt and yeah, he definitely sucked the life out of me, that's for sure. Oh! Yee-haw!

We got a party girl! There was a party girl on a party bus and not the word I thought she said when she first said it! Yeah, yeah, amazing. Anonymous. Thanks for sharing. No wonder she wanted to say anonymous. She's got kids and stuff now,

eh? Just drop them off at school. You've got to hear everybody's story. How many orgasms did you have? One orgasm. Rangi, good morning.

How did you figure out the name of the person that you slept with? Good morning. So, I was in the Navy years and years ago. So let's get that straight. Okay. I've slept with a few of you.

We were based in Darwin. So the ship was in and out of Darwin pretty much every weekend and during the week for a few weeks. And so I hooked up with this chick and it took about, I don't know, seven weekends before I actually figured out her name. Wait, you kept going back to the same one, Rangi? Yeah, I kept going to the same one. I had her name saved under something else on my phone. I was also asking, did you just get to shore and set off a flare and she'd just come?

Rangi's back! Okay, so you had her saved as, like, hot blonde or whatever. Well, let's not maybe go into it. You don't have to tell us what it was. Let's not go into the code names. Yeah. So seven shore visits before you established the name. Now, are you married to this woman? I feel like this is going to sweeten the story.

No. No. No. So how did you figure it out after all the visits? It wasn't until I met the parents. Wait, wait, wait, wait. We're meeting mum and dad and we don't know. Mum, dad lied to me. I didn't really agree to meeting the parents,

but I was like, okay. And it wasn't until the dad said her name and I was like, aha. Gotcha it wasn't until the dad said her name and I was like, aha. Gotcha. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Cassandra's told us so much. Yes, Cassandra, Cassandra, Cassandra. Are you telling me there might be a couple of little rangis

running around up top of Australia? No, no, no way. Definitely not. Good boy. Not at all. Good boy, good boy. Thank you, some messages in. I was on the first date with somebody

and I absolutely had no idea what her name was, so I had to go, I said, excuse me, I've just got to go to the bathroom. And I went in there, opened up Tinder, and I had to scroll through to find who I was on the date with. Oh, my God. We are now married! Seven years, last November. I wonder if she knows.

She'd know now. She'd know now. Imagine if she didn't know. Great story at the wedding, too. Yeah, yeah, love this. You know, I'm so proud to call... Hang on, hang on. Just excuse me for a moment.

I've just got to open up Tinder here, which I probably shouldn't have because I'm about to get married. Jess, my wife. Jess, yeah, that's it, Jess. Yeah. Somebody else says, actually my partner now,

but all I could remember after our extremely passionate night was that he was a rugby coach at a certain club, so I stalked the rugby club profile on Facebook until I found a picture of him. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah, that's good detective work. Yeah, and then saw who had liked it

and did some great detective work and found out his name. Yeah. Good work, good work. You've got to sleep with Google-able people, you know? You've got to search for someone with a... Like, if they've got no online presence, that's a real... You're never going to know their name.

Yeah. I don't know if this counts, because I still don't know his name, but we slept together, went on two dates, and I still don't know his name. Tried so hard on the dates to get him to say his own name. So if you were, like, so if you were, like, talking to yourself in the mirror,

like, giving yourself a pep talk, like, what would you say you'd be like? So I'd be like, Hey, Lee giving yourself a pep talk, like what would you say? You'd be like, so I'd be like, hey, Lee, you've got this. Like what would you say? I just figured out the way to find out someone's name. How? Go temp and bowling and make them put their name in the computer. Yeah, but what if they're like, I'm going to go to the bathroom, you put in the names, and you're like, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

No, no, no. I do silly nicknames. I do silly nicknames. Yeah, Cutie and Patootie. No, but then you still don't know their nameames. Yeah, Cutie and Patootie. No, but then you still don't know their name. Good bowling. Cutie, Patootie. And what if they've got a really long name

and only the first four letters fit in? Yeah, and then you've wasted the dollar on the shoe hire. What about you can get the initials at least. I'll go up to the bar and get us a drink, but I think it might be your round. Give me your card. Yes. And mine says H.J. Sproul.

But what if he's just got an F plus card? Doesn't have the name on it. How embarrassing. I'm not going for the second date. Get a real card. Your card says H.J. Sproul. What about the numbers above it? Like what are those?

Just chuck us a pen. Oh, you mean like the 6554? Yeah, yeah, all those ones. And then what are the next four? 9991. And then there's an EX. Yep. 3844.

Yeah. 7797. I hope this is not anyone's an EX... Yep. 3844. Yeah. Yep. 7797. I hope this is not anyone's credit card. Just for our records. What? The fifth of the fifth? Yeah, yeah. Okay, perfect.

What? Why do you need that? The fifth. That's a... What was your mother's maiden name? My sister went through a stage of only sleeping with people. By the way, that's not my credit card I was making a lot of sense

I hope it's not someone's credit card My sister went through the stage of only sleeping with people with the same name So she didn't have this dilemma Do you think she was doing it on purpose or just a happy coincidence? What name are you choosing? Sam Sam, because you can have girls or boys Yes, true

Yeah Also my brother's name Sade, because I don't want or boys. Yes, true. Yeah. Oh, but also my brother's name. Sade, because I don't want to get in trouble. That's my one. That's the name I picked. That's the name I picked. And I do think if she ever leaves me,

there's probably a couple of other hot Sade's out there, you know what I mean? Yeah. You don't call a minga white chick Sade, do you? No, you don't. You don't. You look at that baby and be like, she's going to grow up good looking. Yeah, there's going to be some ethnic ambiguity here.

Give her name a bit of flair. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley. Fact of the day, day, day, day, day. Do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do. You got through it. Today's, this week's fact of the day theme is things turning 50 in 2024. I had some submissions overnight and I was like, what? Today. Stop trying to do Vaughn's job.

No, no, it's Dave's. I love when you guys do my job Back off You could all Chuck together a couple Of top sixes That'd be great Top six fact of the day

And then I'm pretty much done Yeah right Why don't you come into the studio And do it for me And do it for you Yeah Okay good Lazy

I could say it's work experience And not pay them That's what you do And then I get paid And I continue to do Little to nothing Great idea I think that's quite problematic these days. Is it?

Yeah. We'll see. The UPC barcode turns 50 this year. That's the universal product code barcode. Fun fact, all products made in New Zealand start with, is it 94? Is that our thing? Oh. And Australia's one below or one under?

Yeah, 93. Australia's 93 and we're 94. We should be 64. We should be 64, like their phone numbers. Yeah. In my humble opinion. Yeah, that's true. Because we only have to remember that one number.

Yeah, for everything, New Zealand. I was doing that, you know, juke the television when it's not showing fishing shows it does the quiz oh okay yeah like the New Zealand quiz yeah this was when we were in Christchurch at the live show and I was sitting on the couch watching the quiz

and I always play the game with myself with the juke quiz I'll play until I get one wrong and then I have to get changed and get going because Fletch said we need to be downstairs 10 minutes ago. But I'm in the middle of a juke quiz. You're going to give me a heart attack. I'm in the middle of a juke quiz and I was on a streak.

And it said, what country starts the dialing code plus 44? And I screamed at the TV. Britain, before the options even came up. Yeah. Yeah. I can't remember what question toppled me on that. It was a hot streak, though. Yeah, okay.

That one really struck it. I don't even need the options. You've got a smart boy on our hands. I love when you don't need the options on a multi-choice. Yeah. You've got real smart. So the UPC barcode turns 50 this year. It was amended by a guy called Joe Woodland when he was at the beach.

There had been previous sorts of what's behind me. Why is everybody staring out the window? I don't know, but there's a giant box of cheese balls. There's cheese balls. There's cheese balls. I've seen it. I've seen it. Jackie's brought in.

Thank you, Jackie. Thank you, Jackie. It's not for me. It's not for you. What? It's not for Fletch. Okay, carry on. So Joe was at the beach.

There had been previous sorts of things, but they were always really limited. Wait, who's Joe? Joe's the inventor of the Universal Paracade. Hang on, we're listening now. You've got cheeseball amnesia over there. The brain wipes anything that's happened in the last two minutes when he talks about cheeseballs. Joe was at the beach, and he put a line in the sand.

Yeah. This is Joe's story. He drew a line in the sand. He drew a line in the sand, then another one, and he was like, oh, my God. This could be the new way of, like, and he was like, oh my god. This could be the new way of scanning the barcodes.

So the first barcode ever drawn was drawn in the sand by Jock. Oh wow. It wouldn't scan though. You couldn't hold an iPhone up to it. No, it wouldn't scan. I reckon you'd have real trouble doing a thick line and then a thin line and having them determinable. So the first ever thing to be donned

with the new UPC barcode was a 10 pack of Wrigley's Juicy Fruit Chewing Gum. And it was purchased in Troy, Ohio at 8.01 AM on the 26th of June, 1974. Wow.

8.01 AM. If you turn up a minute earlier, do you know what I mean? Like it's sort of done. I opened the store open today. The person walked in. Got the gum. Got it scanned. So 50 years ago they had scanners.

50 years ago. Yeah, they made scanners. I know, but my love, you're thinking that 50 years ago was the 1950s. It wasn't. It was the 70s. Five years ago was 2010 and I won't hear an argument about it. No, 2010 is now.

Now it's 2010. Ten years ago was the millennial. See, I've moved more to the fact that it was probably 15 years ago that the year 2000 was 15 years ago. 50 years ago is 1950s and I won't hear another word about it. Marty McFly went back 30 years and he was in the 50s.

That's right. And now you'd have to go back nearly 10 years to get to where he dressed himself. 30. Okay. So today's fact of the day is it turns 50 years old this year and we still love it. It is the humble UPC barcode. Fact of the day, day, day, day, day. Play ZM's Fletch Vaughan and Hayley.

Okay, hey, yo, yo. So I was down with my parents this weekend hanging out with them, having a lovely time in the Waiararapa. Not winning $30 million in a while. Just to clarify, not winning $30 million. Unforch. Unforch. Because we had made the agreement, hadn't we?

We were each giving ourselves each other $1 million. Was it $1 million or was it $1.5? It was $1.5. It was $ We were each giving ourselves each other a million dollars. Was it a million or was it 1.5? It was 1.5. It was 1.5 when it got to a higher amount. I believe it was a million when it was sitting about 20. You've got to look out for your friends, you know. No, I didn't win though. Wink, wink.

Anyway, so I was hanging out with my parents and having a lovely time with them. And it was quite rainy down in Wellington in the Wairarapa region. And my parents have somehow adopted two animals that they didn't want to adopt. Okay. One is a cat that they call Cuddles that has just like sort of turned up at their house and comes in and is like meow and flips away, you know, and like sits on the couch and whatnot. But it's not their cat. Do you know Cuddles is called something else in another house?

I know. And is getting two dinners. Yeah, he's getting fatter and fatter every time I see him. And extra cuddles. Yep, for sure. Cats just know how to work the system, eh? My mum just loves this cat, and she was like, aw. And my parents are planning on moving at the end of the year.

They're like, oh, I wish we could take him. They're going to, I reckon. They will. And the other one is a chicken or a hen that kind of wandered onto their property maybe a couple of years ago. Right. And it would just come and go. And then now it doesn't go.

It's just there the whole time. And then eventually at some point last year, this chicken started laying eggs. And my mum was like, fantastic. My mum calls it Chookie. Great name for a chicken. Yeah, and she just thinks about it all day like, fantastic. My mum calls it Chookie. Great name for a chicken. Yeah, and she just thinks about it all day, like, I wonder what Chookie's doing. Oh, it's raining.

Oh, I hope Chookie's taking cover. They don't love the rain. They don't. Because my chickens are in the vegetable garden at the moment. Yeah. Between seasons, having a clean up. They scratch around and they have a clean up. They get a bit of calcium. They get in there, have a clean-up. They get a bit of calcium.

They get in there, have a good scratch around. Have a shit. Eat some of the bugs, not all of the worms and such. But the sprinkler came on yesterday and they were stuck in there and they couldn't get in. It was so funny seeing chickens freak out because they were getting wet. Whack, whack, whack. What kind of chickens are they?

They should be used to getting wet. They're birds. They go out. They go in cover whenever there's wet. You need to put them into like a battery hen. Yeah, like a tiny cage. A tiny cage inside so they don't get wet. I don't think they will.

I reckon you get a thousand more, but you don't need more cages. Right. The same space, but for 10,000 more chickens. We jest. But this, because it's not really my mum's chicken, but it is now because it's been there for two years, she doesn't have a pen for it or anything like that. It just roams around her property.

Right. And it's always there. So it was taking cover underneath the little, mum's got a little wood, you know, shelter, I guess, just some corrugated iron and a couple of poles. And it was under there like, looked so sad when we came back. That sounded like a duck. We came back from the Warnery. Yeah. And we're like, oh, my under there like, looked so sad when we came back. That sounded like a duck.

We came back from the winery. Yeah. And we're like, oh, my mum was like, poor Chucky. Open the door. And before I know it, my dad was like, well, why don't you get us some food? And they've got a sistema full of like chook feed and all this. And my mum said, oh, yeah, I'll make Chucky a little platter.

And I was like, excuse me? Excuse me? What's happening? No, my mum used to make, yeah, I'll make Chucky a little platter. And I was like, excuse me? Excuse me? What's happening? No, my mum used to make me platters after school. Yeah. And it's something we laugh at a lot. We've teased you about it many times. Yeah, a lot of parents be like, ain't a sandwich.

My mum would make me a small charcuterie board of fruits and snacks and chocolates and treats and delicious things. My mum whips up this Chuck like a small platter of goods. Like what, some worms? Some fruit from the bowl. We had some lovely homegrown grapes from the builders. Oh, they'd love the grapes.

Grapes. These sweet, sweet, delicious grapes for chookie and a bit of the chook feed and I don't know, it was a couple of other things and my mum put together this small charcuterie

for her adopted chook. That's pretty cute from Patsy. A charcuterie board. A charcuterie. Isn't that next level? It's not even a chicken. I mean, people cook like meals for their cats and dogs. Like full meals, I know.

I lately, when I've been catching mice, I throw them to the chickens and they go, whoa, it's another mouse. And they fight over who's going to get to eat the mouse. But they eat it. They tear them to pieces. Yeah, they love them. And the other day at the butchery, they had this big ball of fat. This bird, and it was like bird feeder.

And I was like, I know ordinary birds do eat the fat. I was one of the chickens, and I put it in there, and I hung it like on a string. And they were just like, one went up and was just like, what have we got going on here? Peck. And then it was just like, must have just let the others know it was all go. And these things destroyed this big ball of fat. What fat is it? Like beef or something? Yeah, yeah. was just like, what have we got going on here? Peck. And then it was just like, must have just let the others know it was all go.

And these things destroyed this big ball of fat. What fat is it? Like beef or something? Yeah. Just left over from the butchers. Yeah, yeah, tello. Yeah, tello. They just went crazy.

You forget, but chickens are like, they'll eat each other. They'll eat you too, right? If a chicken dies. If you fell into the... 100%. If I went down in the paddock

and started to get my rot on. I don't feel bad about all the wings I eat now. No, neither. They'll eat you. They'll eat me in a second. My cat would eat me as well if I died. Would they honey soy glaze you though? No, they don't know how to do that.

They don't know how. We are so more advanced than chickens. We are, exactly. They'll have to eat me raw dog. Whereas we can honey soy them. We'll baste them in honey soy. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley. So we are not washing our sports bras enough, apparently.

Yeah, Vaughn. People, yeah. I simply must start washing my bras. I think you should wear a sports bra because you get such friction on the nipples. You do have frictiony nipples. I've got very frictiony nipples. I would thought that would only add to the friction. Being so tied againsty nipples. I've got very frictiony nipples. I would thought that would only add to the friction. Being so tight against the nipples.

I've never had a nipple issue. Well, no, they're patterned, aren't they? So it doesn't rub, right? Yeah, well, they can be. Yeah. Okay. Well, apparently a fifth of people surveyed said they wear their same sports bra up to three times before washing. And one in ten said they re-wear it up to six times.

I think he's sweaty in the boots. As soon as I've been to the gym, that's in the wash. I've got enough gym clothes that I can go a couple of days before I need a wash. I would say once at a blue moon, if I have done an upper body day that really I was phoning it in and I barely did anything, I might reuse the sports bra and top. Never the pants. Yeah. Or one of those days you tag and you sit there and you're just on Facebook or Instagram, TikTok. And then you do a little fly and then you're like, oh, that's one.

Better go home now. Tired. Yeah. So we're not washing them enough. And then doctors are telling me I'm being like, guys, the kind of bacteria that comes from sweating, letting it dry and then sitting there and re-wearing it, you're going to get all sorts of little rashy-washies. So this was research from America or the UK.

America. So we asked you on Instagram this morning a quick poll. Yeah, we did. We said, well, I did a video, a question. I did a little video question. Do you wear the same sports bra or undies again and again? And we've got some responses in. But bra, yes, if I haven't horrendously sweated.

Undies, absolutely not. That's rank. Because 65% of people said no, by the way. 35% said yes. It's a bonus little poll. Studio saying if there's no skitties or they smell all right, Because 65% of people said no, by the way. 35% said yes. It's a bonus little poll. Studio saying if there's no skitties or they smell all right, then yeah, wear them again.

So what they're saying is if there's no skitties and they smell all right, they're not like there could be a little bit of skitty, but as long as it doesn't smell bad. Because that's how it kind of reads. It does. I've been known to flip them inside out if needed, save the washing. It's not the whales. I don't think there's going to be a really successful if needed. Save the washing. It's not the whales. I don't think there's going to be a really successful advertising campaign in saving the washing.

Sports bra, I can kind of understand because there's less. That's your genies, man. Yeah. But the breasts do get particularly sweaty. They do, especially under. Yeah. You get that under the boob and along the band around your ribcage. That gets real sweaty.

Someone's got a question, re-leggings, do they count? Yes, yuck. Do you wash them every time? Yeah, leggings I do. Okay. Have you got undies underneath? Yeah. There's sort of a barrier there.

I'm very sweaty in the country. Very sweaty in the country. Thank you. Even upper body days, it's like, God, is she wetter pants? I'm like, no, it's just the sweat. It's the sweat. It's where it pulls. Yeah.

It just pulls in there. Speaking of which, congratulations to the people in Nelson. That new dam looks pretty good. Just thinking of pooling of liquids. What? I didn't know they had a new dam. There's a new dam. I saw it on the news.

It rules. Dude, I know. I love dams too. I mean, huge. You know what? I got into an algorithm of guys making like model dams on Instagram. Wait, this is... Guys have made this or beavers?

No, no, not beavers. Humans. Amazing. We don't have beavers. Do you know what's my favourite dam? Clyde. Clyde Dam rules. Yeah, that's my favourite dam as well.

And I can see it from the little Clyde village. You're like, fuck that. Well, Clyde, that village was built to build the dam, right? Yeah. And then just kind of survived. Now it's a cute little place with a restaurant. Love that. Well, Clyde, that village was built to build the dam, right? Yeah. And then just kind of survived. Now it's a cute little place with a restaurant. Love that we have the same favourite dam. That's mine too.

What about Manapuri Dam? Manapuri. We should get Clyde Dam tattoos. Matching Clyde Dam tattoos. A little dam on the side. And I'll get the flooded town of Old Twizel. Yes. And I'll be like, this couldn't have happened without you.

It's kind of sweet. It's kind of sweet. I couldn't do it without you. What's your favourite dam? Manapuri in Fiordland. He just kind of sweet. It's kind of sweet. I couldn't do it without you. What's your favourite dam? Manapuri in Fiordland. He just Googled that. He just Googled it. It can't be your favourite.

I had to Google to see if it was Manapuri, which is another place I know, or Manapuri. But it can't be your favourite dam if you've never visited it. I've never been. Hydra Power Station. But it's the underground one. Everything's underground. No, it's wild, my dude.

It's a wild dam. Looking at the design of the dam is pretty incredible. You look at that and tell me that it's not a piece of amazing engineering. When you look at it, it's not as impressive as the Clyde Dam. The Clyde Dam is... When I see that, I say, damn. I say, damn as well. I say, damn.

Is it the biggest in New Zealand? I don't care, man. That is my dam of choice. We overlook the Auckland dam because it doesn't produce power. It just holds water, doesn't it? Yeah. So we're not interested, actually. That's lame.

That's embarrassing, actually, Auckland. Well, damn good chat at the end of the show. Damn good chat. Damn good chat. If you missed the last show with Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley, it was a gold standard show. Grab the latest putty now. Text FEH to 9696 and they'll be live at 6 on ZM.