ZM's Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley - Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley's Big Pod - 16th February 2024

Episode Date: February 15, 2024

Silly Little Poll!  Top 6: Animals in your Local Supermarket  Creme Egg Compatibility  Final Rankings: Choc Dipped Fruit  Secret Slurp!  Vaughan nailed Sharde's Birthday!Fact of the Day Day Day Day Daaaaay!See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

The ZM Podcast Network. The Flesh, Fawn and Hayley Big Pod. Great things are brewing at McCafe. The perfect start to every day. Good morning, welcome to the show. Flesh, Fawn and Hayley. It's a couple of minutes past six. I wonder if Bryn's been on any more wild dates.

You know? We should get him in to see how the dating life's going. Sort of a Bryn... For some reason there I thought Bryin would be like brindate. Like a brindate. It sounded like update, but it didn't once they said it out loud. Well, we should sit and eat. It sucked.

It really sucks when something works in your mind in a flash, and you're like, say it. And then you say it, and it never lives up to how it's in your mind. It doesn't work. I don't know if we'll beat the clairvoyant date. That's the problem. We just simply won't. If you missed it, check it on our socials.

It's a great story for that, actually. It is. On the show soon, silly little poll, we're going to deal with Vaughan's manky banana. You ate a near rotten banana yesterday, I will say. A stenchy banana as well. Upsetting. Which you love.

You love the brown nannies. Yeah. I've always loved the brown nanny. That's so sweet. Firm, hard. I like a kiss of green. Yeah, I love a loved a brown nani. That's a sweet term. I like a kiss of green. Yeah, I love a kiss of green too. I'll tell you what, the brown nanis tear through you though.

If you ever need a clean out, I reckon pound about three brown nanis and you'll be... Yeah. I think that happens when you eat rotten fruit. Yeah, yeah. Again, no fermented. Good for your gut health. Gut health. Stop it. Gut health is directly related to...

Mental health. Brain health. Everything. Everything. Yeah. Yeah. It's all in the gut. Well, we'll get into those silly little poll results. So next on the show.

Journey to health is just going quite terribly. And it's not for lack of trying. We had a boozy night last night, didn't we? Celebrating the podcast. Yeah, a little bit. There's an air of dust in the studio. There is a little gravelly tone to your voice, Mr. Fletcher. Thank you. Did you go to bed after 8 o your voice, Mr Fletcher. Thank you.

Did you go to bed after 8 o'clock last night? Yeah, 8.30. That is not gut health. That is not prioritising sleep. It wasn't a late night, but it was... It wasn't late, yeah. We managed to cram in a lot in a few hours. We did, yeah.

However, before the drinking started, I did try to go to the gym. And failed. Again. Play. ZM's Fletchvorn and Hayley. And failed. Again. Noah Khan's stick season on ZM, Fletchborn and Hayley. Sorry. Wow. The show, thanks to McCafe, great day start with a great coffee drive-through at McCafe.

The reason we're a little bit dusty is because season two of Sex.Life is out and we had some celebratory bubbles yesterday, didn't we? And also later in the show, we are going to chat about, we were talking to Toddy, our friend Toddy Vaughan, who's selling his Mini. And I tell you what, we've got a little warning if you're selling a car. He's had some odd requests. He's had some odd, odd requests.

Well, I very much look forward to this chat. I'm in the dark. I didn't go to the celebratory drinks. I was celebrating my wife's birthday. We're going to talk about that later in the show. Now, if you're not sticking around, if you're not sticking around, I've got to ask. What's wrong with you?

What are you doing? What's in your head, rocks? What are you doing? Where are you going? Sit down. Well, knowing that we had, that I was going to have two bottles of wine and a handful of chips for dinner last night.

A girl dinner. A girl dinner. I was like, I'm going to start the day quite well and I'll go to the gym. And... Did you like last night how I was like, I think we should get some chips.

I'd already eaten. Felt targeted. Felt targeted. I did what you do with Shara. You just slowly like, it's like, you know in Indiana Jones where he takes the thing but puts down the sack?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then the boulder starts chasing him. It's like that with a wine or a drink with a glass of water. You go, and do the switch. Now, if you do it well, they'll have a glass of water. If you do it poorly, the boulder starts chasing you. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

No, we didn't have chips. But I wanted to go to the gym. Now, I had booked to do a class with Fletch, and I just had no desire to do it. And so I was like, I'm going to go to the gym. I'm going to do my own thing. I'm going to do a softer thing, but I am going to go. Yep.

And I got to the gym, and for the second time that week, I forgot my headphones. I just got there. Oh, yeah. I got there. I got there. I got changed. Stuff in the locker. Not there.

Headphones. Then I go, oh, they'll be in the car. Leave the gym. Like, go through the gate. Get to my car. Not there. Come back in. Clock in.

So that's twice. That's adding to my 500 visits. Yeah. It was helpful. Do you get something at 500? Does it do protein bar? Yeah. Or they send you like a new swiper or something.

I don't know. Yeah. Protein bar probably. And I was like, well, just push through. And I didn't. I literally was like, oh, I'll just push through. And as I was sort of putting my bag on my shoulder and had my keys in my hand, I was like, I'll just push through the work.

And I just left. Just left again. I couldn't do it. But they play music at the gym if you don't have headphones not my music there's nothing worse

getting in the gym turning on your headphones it goes battery critical yeah well that was me earlier in the week and I pushed through

for 30 minutes which I thought was good but today I was like I couldn't do it I just couldn't do it and Hayley keeps me and said well the class is about to start

come join me she's like too late I'm in the car. It was literally like 10 minutes. It would have been perfect. I was in my gym gear. I was at the gym and you were like, come join me. I was like, nah, I'm in the car. I'll see you later. And then I was like, and then I

text him saying, you know what? Because I've got weights and an exercise bike in the garage. I was like, I'll go home. Beautiful day. I'll open up the garage doors. I've got a big speaker system in there. I'll put on some music there and I'll do a nice workout. Then I got home and there was lingerie in the mail. So I was like, I better chuck that on.

Yeah. Chuck that on. Paraded around a bit for Aaron. Yeah. I'm a real peacock when it comes to that stuff. Yeah, you like a bit of this. Do you like a bit of this? He was like, I like a bit of that. Then I was like, you like a bit of this. Look at that. Do you like a bit of this? He was like, I like a bit of that. Then I was like,

I'm a bit hungry. I opened up the fridge, two bowls of wine in there. Okay, so. That's too many. Right, okay. That's too many. The fridge isn't meant

to carry that too much. It was too busy. The shelves will break. So I had to relieve the tension on the glass shelving by relieving some of the wine. Thank you. So then I sat in the sun

and. No workout. Watch then I sat in the sun and watched maths and drank about half a bottle of wine and then no workout. And that's my journey to health. Well, today's another day. I'm not going to the gym today. It's Friday. Do you gym on a Friday? Nothing you do

on a Friday counts. It doesn't. It's a completely neutral day. Calories are neutral, but also exercise doesn't do anything. It doesn't. Good or bad. It's a completely neutral day of the week. Yeah, calories are neutral, but also exercise doesn't do anything. So try again next week, I guess. Turn on your mic there, Fletch. Turn on your mic there if you want to talk. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley. Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley

Silly little poe Silly little poe It is so silly, silly, silly That the silly little poe Silly little poe Silly little poe Silly little poe It is so silly, silly, silly that silly little pole, silly little pole, silly little pole, silly little pole, silly little pole. Silly little pole. What level of brown will you eat a banana? Now, yesterday I ate a banana that was about as brown as a banana could be without absolutely juicing itself.

I was really surprised when I took that out of the bag, saw the brownness that it had got from just a little bit more of a bash around in my school bag because I don't have a lunchbox. And it was still held together. It hadn't perforated. There was no banana juice. Because it was starting to crust, that's why. Crust over. Yeah.

And you guys were disgusted. I think it's still on our Instagram story. Yeah, it was close to having white spots, wasn't it? It was not good. I'd say black. You put it on the bench and then went for a wee-wees and came back and there was fruit flies on it. Like, that's the only thing that banana was appropriate for.

They were very quickly on it, the fruit flies. It was almost too much for a cake. Even the fruit flies are like, ugh. Yeah, that's man-kissed. That's when your banana's soft, though, sweet. I can smell it. I like a hint of green. It's just gone yellow. Yeah, that's man-cured. That's when your banana's soft, though, sweet. I can smell it. I like a hint of green. It's just gone yellow.

No, that's chalky. That's chalky. Yeah, perfect. Perfect. That's chalky. Oh, what about when people eat green bananas, though? I go in the supermarket and they've only got green bananas. Oh, you don't want to snap.

That's going to go straight from green to edible. Yeah, because you're going to have to leave those on your bench for four weeks before you eat them, aren't you? Yeah. And then like an avocado, it's only going to be good for about 30 seconds. So you've got to find that Goldilocks sign. So what level of brown banana will you eat? Our options were green, yellow, brown, black. And the average answer was just beyond yellow.

Between yellow and brown, but much closer to yellow than brown. I love the yellow banana when it starts getting the brown spots on it. No. That's what it's like. My granddad would not eat a banana until it had spots. And I had a great uncle that would eat them, like, greener. Yeah. But then he's been dead for a while, so I feel we can talk about it.

He had Parkinson's, and he'd try to eat a banana, and the pithy long strings would hang out his mouth. But he lacked the dexterity to pick them away. Just let them hang. So he'd just let them hang. Let them hang, man. Let the strings hang. And then he'd have a ciggy.

With the nanny strings. I've just got this memory as a kid. And he loved mowing the lawn. He had a right on lawnmower. Yeah. And he was the first person I ever saw on a right on lawnmower. So I thought it was pretty cool. And he had a ciggy in his mouth and some banana pith

and he was mowing his lawn. What a dude. How straight were the lines? He didn't care. He was out there all day. Better than going inside. God, his misses would go on. Yeah.

He'd always be like, when she'd start talking to be standing behind her, he'd be like, yeah, yeah, yeah. Love. Old love. Old love.

Let's talk about some feedback here. Michelle won't even touch a banana. She said bananas are the most feral fruit around. No, they're not. I thought bananas were the king. Yeah, they're good.

Yeah, I think bananas are great. Apples and bananas are your two, like, they're going extinct, aren't they? Yeah, because there's a disease ripping through them and they're all basically clones, right? Yeah. Good in a smoothie. Michaela says, we like it a little hard. And then emoji with a tongue out. There's a bit of double entendre there.

Cherie says, greenish only. Otherwise, it's a fermented pile of sugary mush. But again, gut health. Yum. Love a pile of sugary mush. So sugary. Brown and bruised, please, says Kat. There she is.

Can't handle a yuck, flavourless yellow banana. Yeah, the less flavour, the better for me. Connor, when bananas go brown, their starches convert to sugar, which is why they taste so sweet. And that's science, bitch. Yeah. Thank you, Connor. But again, that's why they're so good in a banana cake.

Yeah, because you don't need to add extra sugar. Or just mushed in your face. James says firmness is key. Yeah. So he's probably erring on the side of green. I like a firm. It like a firm It's delicate balance It's got to be almost black for banana cake But also I don't F with fruit flies

Says Nick Oh She's there using it Talking about using it for a cake Rather than Just a nanny That's not what we're asking Samantha always

Wow Okay Always have a slight green tinge Once they develop brown spots They belong in a cake or a muffin Okay Why is everyone talking about the cake? Brianna says

I've got to be verging on green Or I ain't putting it anywhere near my mouth That's just her rule for bananas Okay Is that just bananas? That's just bananas Okay Just bananas

There you go Silly little poll Done Rather silly Do you feel somewhat like alone in this now? No. Hearing those results? No, I think he's got some allies in there.

Like vindicated almost. There's some vindication. Play ZM's Fletch Vaughan and Hayley. As you know, but you are not part of, Shannon, Carwin, Jared and I have a chat. Love Island girlies. George is in there too now. The other day, what did she come up?

She tried to slip into this chat. About Bob Marley. Oh my God. We talk about maths and Love Island in this chat and then she just slips in. She's quite quiet on the chat. Slips in. Guys, the Bob Marley film's really great.

Zero response. We're all just like. Go, start a new chat. This is our Love Island. She said to after bedtime, so I saw that at 4am. It didn't really spark my... It didn't spark joy. She should have started a separate Bob Marley chat.

Yeah. And not invited any of us to it. And not invited any of us. A legend of music, but just wrong chat. Yeah. Anyway, we've got a chat. We love, we've been hooning through Love Island. We've chatted about it on this show.

Do you chat about maths in the Love Island chat? Yeah, we've allowed it. Oh, okay. Yeah, we've allowed it. So it's a maths slash Love Island. It's a maths island. But no Bob Marley. Strictly no Bob Marley.

We should address this with Georgia when she comes in, actually. Yeah, yeah. Actually, because we just all met it with silence. Yesterday, on the show, was it yesterday? We kind of admitted that Love Island sucks right now. Yeah. Well, because I came in saying, oh my goodness, guys. Just now it hasn't sucked a lot.

No, it is a thriving, fantastic show. And, yeah, yesterday I came in saying that there's no cast or more, which is, for Love Island fans, the most exciting week of the show generally. It's like the pinnacle. Yeah, and I found out because one of the, I was going to say characters, one of the competitors was saying, oh, there's only a week to go. And I was like, well, if there's a week to go, there's no cast or more. So I messaged the chat in a

flurry of, oh my goodness, guys, there's only a week to go. What are we going to get? Today's challenge is real good. Who's watched it? What's happening? And then Jared and I were a little bit like, we're sort of out. Yeah. Is it because it's like all stars, right? So you know these people, there's no...

They're all shagged on the outside. So they constantly talk about like, oh, we've got a history. Yeah, there's no will they, won't they. Yeah. They've already done it. Yeah, and it's just not popping. And I was happy to keep going, but now Mavs has landed. Yeah, that's good stuff.

And of course, Bob Marley's out too. And Bob Marley's out. Bob Marley the movie's out. So maybe Bob can be brought in just to spice up the convo. Yeah, we could shuffle Love Island out of the chat and replace it with Bob. George is going to get you all those matching Bob Marley T-shirts. Yeah, I know.

Rasta, Rasta Jables. We could call it Bob Maffsley. Bob Maffsley. We could. Yeah, that's not bad actually. Love Bob Mathsley. But now Maths is just like popping off and now Jared and I, we're just all about the maths.

Yeah, Lucinda, my girl. So Lucinda is like she reads tarots. Oh my god, fathers. She speaks like this and she just really wants to know where you are in your heart. Right. And I just want to feel What poor sod is she married to?

That would be Timothy, the lad. It was like, she was like I want to know what your boundaries are in the bedroom. And he was like, butt stuff is a bit of a no for me. It's a hard no for me. Okay, that sounds great. Butt stuff's a no for me. Okay, that sounds great.

That sounds a no for me. Play ZM's Fletchford and Ailey. Play ZM. From the self-driving ZM think tank, this is the top six. Well, well, well, well, well. It was rats in Dunedin, mice in Eastgate, in Christchurch. There was another mouse in Pack and Save in West Auckland. Yeah.

And now the bloody pigeons are in the supermarket. Oh, I always see a pigeon in the inner city supermarket. To be honest, like, yes, you and I, Fletch, shared, and Hayley, we've got very passionate, I'm not sure on your opinion, that supermarkets probably are dealing with rodents the entire time. You just don't know about it. Yeah. Yeah.

Because they're doing it effectively with bait and traps and pest control. That one just got away. It's literally a huge shed full of food. Yeah. Try keeping a rat out of it. Yeah. It'll be ongoing. Now, you don't want to see it.

That's yuck. And then when a mouse is crawling over the potato salad, that's yuck. Yeah. It's like at a cafe and then, like, a fly is in the cabinet. You're like, that's not your fault. But get it out. Get it out, but it's not your fault.

Do your best. I'm still going to eat the sandwich. You say there's a fly in the cabinet, and then they freak out that someone else is going to see the fly. That's fine. And then that's going to be the day that the inspector's there. They're going to get

an A and then they're going to go back to an A but it will have in the meantime absolutely ruined their business. Well Woolwood's Grey Lynn has seen

pigeons in the shelves. Grey Lynn fancy pigeons. Now the term roosting in the shelf makes it sound like they've built a nest in there but it was just like

it was walking and it went in and it stopped. That's not roosting. That's just taking a little break. But it is gross. It's just taking five. Also, if I was a pigeon and accidentally flew into a supermarket,

I'd be like quite, it'd be quite hard to get out, wouldn't it? Oh, yeah. It's like any trap for like flies or birds. The idea is a small entrance to a large area and they can never find their way out again. Yeah. That's how traps work.

So we're trapping them in there. I mean, it was just following the smell of fresh baked bread. Yum. It's favourite. Although I shouldn't. I shouldn't. I shouldn't. Bad for my gut.

Yeah, it can't help. Unless it's sourdough. But I will. Oh, yeah. Or heavily seeded bread. Sure. With lots of seeds. But by this rate, I thought by the end of the week,

we're going to have a whole bloody zoo in our supermarket. So I've got the top six animals that will show up in New Zealand supermarkets before the end of the week. Number six on the list, monkeys in the banana stand. Oh, my God. That'll be near the zoo. Yeah. Yep.

Which is probably countdown in Auckland, countdown point chef. Yeah. Okay. Monkey in the banana stand. Yeah. Get a monkey in the banana stand. Yeah. Because it's close to the zoo. Number five on the list of the top six animals that will be in our supermarkets before the end of the week. You'll go to get some muscles out of that thing that you have to push the button

to stop the salty water being squirted down onto it, and a walrus will pop out. A walrus. Okay. A walrus. It'll have to be a small walrus. Yeah, baby walrus. A small walrus.

Yeah. With just a tiny little pencil moustache because they don't grow their big full walrus moustaches until they're older men. Yes. A little pencil moustache. A dirty little Sanchez. Number four on the list of the top six animals

that will be at New Zealand supermarkets before the end of the week. Ducks nesting in the bread. That's right there. That's not good for them. I shouldn't. Quack, quack. But I shall. But I will. Quack, quack. But I shall.

But I will. Quack, quack. Number three on the list of the top six animals that will be in New Zealand supermarkets before the end of the week. Snakes in the egg aisle. Do we have snakes? No, we don't have snakes, but. How do they get in there?

Well, they just, they smell all those eggs. Australia. Yeah. And they hear that our supermarkets are a bloody. Someone will bring one back from Taylor Swift. Yes. And let it free. Imagine being a snake coming to you in the egg department.

Whoa. Boom, boom, boom, boom, boom. I feel it. I feel it. But I will. But I will. Number two on the list of the top six animals that will show up in the New Zealand supermarkets before the end of the week.

A bear in the butchery. I'm not talking a big, gold, gay, hairy man. Although you see a few of those in the supermarket, yeah. You see a little man lingering around, yeah. Look at the meat. But the beer in the butchery got everything there. Yeah. Salmon's already filleted.

Yeah. They'd smell it two a mile away, wouldn't they? Yeah. They'd be straight in there. They'd be straight in there. How do you reckon they'll deal with those trolley anti-theft devices at the entrance? You know, they go tink, tink, tink, tink when you walk through them.

They hit them on the quads. They all go through it. Our local supermarket has got the same entrance as Exit. We don't have those. Oh, really? Yeah.

Yeah, they do. Very trusting. It's just, it's loose. Yeah. It's fast and loose in there. But when you do go to one with it and you're like, oh, I've got to nip out

and get a trolley and you like, try to get through and the last one gets you in the leg. Yeah. And number one on the list of the top six animals that'll show up

in the New Zealand supermarkets before the end of the week. Next thing you know, there'll be a bloody Hayley sprawling the alcohol on, won't there? Free range. She's a,

I shouldn't, but I will. I shouldn't. That's today's top six. Now, Cadbury... Is this about Easter eggs? It's about Cadbury cream eggs, which year round. What's annoying you with Easter eggs?

God damn, I walked into the supermarket yesterday and it was just like, shaboomba, this wall of Easter eggs. Some of them look real good. Some of them look real good. Do you do Easter at your house? Yeah, the girls. Because me and Aaron do a hunt for each other. You hunt each other.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Sexy. The way he trank darts you and as you go down, you're like, I love this tradition. Well, Cadbury have made a, why am I struggling with that word? Compatibility. Compatibility. Compatibility checker in response to some research

about how eating icks affect relationships. So a quarter of Brits admitted to walking out on a date if they hated the way that the person was eating their food. Oh, yeah. They're cool. I have a friend who has a clicky jaw. What? And when he eats, it's like...

I'm always like, how are you married? I would have left. I would have left a million years ago. Even if he's just chewing, it clicks. Yeah, it's like... It's got this clicking noise. It's wild. I don't love it.

It's really wild. Because as soon as you notice it... He can't help that. No. I know, but he should be alone for the rest of his life. You know what I mean? Even though he can't help it. Instead, he's got a really hot wife and three kids.

It's bizarre. Okay. Anyway, so people were like... It's a massive deal breaker, the way that people eat things. So Cadbury have made a compatibility test based on the way that your partner eats a cream egg. I hate cream eggs. Okay.

They're feral to me. I feel like they've gone, we can all agree they've gone downhill from our childhood. Why are they so grainy? Don't get caught with egg on your face. Can't resist that Cadbury cream egg. That's a new egg. That's a new egg. Yeah. So when you eat one, I will take off the tinfoil,

and then I'll bite the top, and then I think I would suck out the... You are disgusting. Or, like, kind of just... Okay. So you get in there, and you rip it apart, and you're like... He doesn't rip it apart.

He bites the top off. I bite the top. Rather than going in half and being able to go... If you go in half, you go... You go, bite the top off and you're like... You're dribbling it. Don't dribble on it.

You are closest on this. So it's basically here you do it. You go, get two cream eggs, give one to your lover, partner, potential mate, eat them both, note how you eat them and then check your compatibility. So you're a category, if you suck the goo out like an oyster, would you say that?

Yeah. Slurp it up. They say that you are a connoisseur of life and your perfect match would be someone... He said bite the tub off and tongue it. That's what he said. He didn't say eat it like an oyster. How I did it was more like an oyster. And the open.

But that's the closest on this. It's the closest to how he eats it. Sucking out the goo like an oyster. Your perfect match would be someone that eats theirs in two bites. Now, if you eat yours in two bites. Sometimes I'll just pop the whole thing in. And let the chocolate melt for a bit and then bite it. If you eat yours all in one go, you're a go-getter. I'll just pop the whole thing in and let the chocolate melt for a bit and then bite it.

If you eat yours all in one go, you're a go-getter. And your perfect match would be someone that eats theirs in small nibbles. Would that be Sade? Sade would eat it in small nibbles. She'd be a nibble. She'd probably nibble. Perfect match.

Perfect match. However, phew. I don't. It's phew. Phew. Phew. No, it's a phew. Phew. Phew. It's phew. Phew. Phew. No, it's not phew.

Phew. Phew. It's phew. Wait, you're putting an F on the end. I'm going P-H-E-W-F. No, I'm just going phew. I'm going P-H. You went phew.

Yeah, you don't say Stephen, do you? You say Stephen. The P-H is a versatile. It's not phew. It's phew. It's phew. It's phew. Phew. You're missing the last F.

P-H-E-W-F. Phew. Phew. It's not phew. Phew. No, phew. Phew. Phew.

No. Phew. I don't know what. PH. P-H-E-W. Okay, if you scoop the goo out with your finger, you're a free spirit. Phew. Expressing a strong reaction of relief or disgust at a smell. Phew. What a year. Phew. What a year. Now I've heard it too much. Okay, if you scoop the goo out with your finger, you're a free spirit. Expressing a strong reaction of relief or disgust at a smell.

Phew. What a year. Phew. What a year. You said fuel. You said fuel. It's fuel. Fuel.

Who is fingering the cream egg? If you finger the cream egg. I've seen people do that. It is gross. Well, they're a free spirit. Their perfect match would be someone that eats these in two bites. If you save half for later, you can't. It's oozing. How would you save half for later, you can't. It's oozing. How would you save

half for later? Bite the top off and then sit it perfectly still in an egg cup. I'd put a tiny little bit of glad wrap over it. Or would you keep it fresh?

A small square of glad wrap to keep it warm. 100% sugar fresh. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley. It's the final ranking. Another great song. My take on Final Countdown.

Today, final rankings. We do this every Friday. Rank things. Today, we're going to go ranking. Have we ranked Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley? You're in that kind of silly mood. Did we rank producers once, I think? Did we?

No, I don't think we would have done that. Jared's number one. You're already saying that because Carwin's at Taylor Swift and Shannon's out of the room. Jared's number one. Yeah, Jared's number one. Jared's number one. Don't think she heard that. Is Shannon listening?

Shannon's number one, eh? Yeah. Oh, now Jared looks sad. No, but Jared's number one. No, we don't do people. We don't do people. We today are doing fruit chocolate combinations. Think your chocolate dipped strawberries, your orange choc.

Yes. Like, have you ever been at one of those ooh-la-la fancy buffets and there's a chocolate dessert fountain? Yeah. Chocolate fondue. You dip everything. You can skewer anything, but they always have strawberries. Yeah, strawberries.

And they always have, like, rock melon or honeydew melon. Who's dipping? That's not a chocolate. That's like rock melon or honeydew melon. That's not a chocolate. That's like a fresh, refreshing fruit. Yeah. Waste of time chocolating that. Yeah. I love banana chocolate.

Sometimes when I make chocolate dipped strawberries, if there's a banana around, I'll slice it up and dip it. Okay. Yeah, it's really yum. Okay. I also am a big fan of orange chocolate. But orange chocolate isn't orange covered chocolate. No, no, no, no. It's really yum. Okay. I also am a big fan of orange chocolate. But orange chocolate isn't orange-covered chocolate. No, no, no, no. It's orange-flavoured chocolate.

Put it to chocolate. Because the new Whittaker's chocolate has an orange oil in it. You know the hot cross bun flavour? It's a bit much. Yeah. It's an orange chocolate. I like it, but it's not hot cross bun. The reason we're talking about this is because there's a new lump.

A pineapple lump. There's a new pineapple lump. But it's raspberry. It's raspberry. Yeah, which I like raspberry and chocolate. Like a raspberry chocolate. You like raspberries though. I like the raspberry licorice chocolate.

Oh, yes. The chocolate covered RJs is legit. Yeah, it's yum. It's hard to beat a chocolate dipped strawberry. I love a... But are we doing actual fruit or fruit flavours? I think fruit. I just think combos.

If you dip a banana in chocolate or make one of those things in a campfire with banana and the chocolate in the middle and then you let it melt through the foil. That's yum. But banana flavoured chocolate is gross.

Yeah, I'd agree. So we want to do fresh fruit combo. I don't know. I don't know. This is what happens when you decide on a thing before I get to work. It's stupid.

It's as bit stupid as that? It is stupid. I think you know. This is what happens when you decide on a thing before I get to work. It's stupid. Is this a bit stupid as that? It is stupid. I think you're fine. Someone's a bit thick. It's undefined. You've got rocks in the head of yours, girl. She's got rocks in her head. She's got rocks in her head.

What have you got in your head? Rocks? What is in that head of yours? Rocks! Now, I think we should go fresh fruits then. Fresh fruits dipped in chocolate. Have you had kiwi fruit in chocolate? Ew, it's sloppy.

It's too slimy. Yuck. Okay, shut your mouth or what would you know? Shut your mouth. What's in there? It's rocks. Donk, donk, donk. What's in there?

Rocks. No rocks. I was topping stats. Yeah, but you only got merits on. Okay, we know this. I'm going to go number one, strawberry. Yep. Fresh strawberries dipped in chocolate, be it set or runny, delicious.

Yep. Number two, I'll go raspberries. Yes. Delicious. Yeah, raspberries are all in. Remember when I had that raspberry plant at our old house and I'd take the berries, oh, those might have been boysenberries, and dip them in chocolate. Yum.

That was so good, but it was so naughty. So good. Number three, I'll go raisins can get in the trash. Oh, yeah, yum. Chocolate covered raisins rule. Disgusting. Yum. Why have that when you can have a scorched almond?

Do you know, I've always told my kids when we were allowed raisins at school, they were always just poured out of a big bag into our lunchbox. You didn't have a sun made? No. So one time we got sun made? No. So one time, we got sun made raisins and I always said, mum made us bring home the boxes and she just refilled the boxes.

No one, believe me, recently my mother, unprompted, told the story about how she refilled the sun made raisin boxes. Yeah.

And I was like, see I told you. She was economical. There was a cosy living cry back then too. It was the 80s. Poverty is real. People with debt in the 80s

when interest rates were record high. The whole decade was a cosy living crisis. Yeah, 25% mortgages. Yeah. Think about that. My third one will be banana. Same. I'm going strawberry, raspberry, banana.

I'm the same. Exactly the same. Beautiful. No tension here. And the banana with, like you said, you know the barbecue, you put tinfoil and then chocolate in and then just chuck it in. What about the banana stand from Arrested Development?

A frozen banana dipped in chocolate. Frozen banana dipped in chocolate and maybe sprinkled with nuts. There's always money in the banana stand. There's always money in the banana stand. Where are you going with this? I didn't want to do banana on my list, but when you said frozen banana dipped in chocolate, I was like, I could get on board with that.

Is that a Disneyland thing? Do they do that at Disneyland? Yes. They do it at some theme park. Yeah, a theme park does bananas. Might be Universal Studios. Could be. I'm going to go strawberry at one,

just because it's sexy too. It's a sexy, it's romantic. It looks like a nipple. That's why we like the strawberry. I think if your nipples look like strawberries, you've got to miss... It's romantic. It looks like a nipple. That's why we like the strawberries. I think if your nipples look like strawberries, you've got to miss you. You know, not exactly like a nipple. Not exactly like a nipple,

but you have puffy, pointy... Is there a fruit that looks more like a nipple than a strawberry? Bananas, cut open. Because it's got the little dot in the middle. Or a raisin. But that's just one part. I'm saying there's a suction aspect.

Kiwi fruit, because it's got the speckled little seeds and the nipples have the little dots. Yeah, yeah, I'll give you that. I'll give you that. But there's something sexy about a strawberry dipped in chocolate, so get into a bit of that. That'd be number one, I agree. Number two, frozen banana.

It's jumped from perhaps not even being on the list at the top. And then chocolate-covered raisins. Ew, what an outlier with that last one. Get on board. Yum, yum, yum. So chocolate-dipped strawberries is number one. Is number one. Yeah with that last one get on board yum yum yum so chocolate dipped strawberries is number one yeah that's one

okay and banana's number two we can all agree on that then for final rankings so I was having issues with my phone if you missed it wasn't connected to wifi

reset the whole thing it absolutely cracked itself it was frozen it wasn't doing anything I remember yeah one morning it was like some weird screen and you couldn't restart it Wi-Fi, reset the whole thing. It absolutely crapped itself. It was frozen. It wasn't doing anything. I remember, yeah, one morning it was like some weird screen and you couldn't restart it. It was frozen.

So I just kept tapping it to stay awake so that it would die. And I was hoping that when it died, it would come back to life. All right. But it didn't quite die in time for me to take it to the repairers. Now, this is the repairers that Vaughan had an excellent customer service experience with. Just amazing. And you warned me not to go there and I actually,

it was kind of fine for me. I was all right. I got there, dropped on my thing. I did get a little like, I wasn't connected to Wi-Fi and then she sort of reset it in the shop

and she was like, well, it's connected to our Wi-Fi. And I was like, okay, yeah. But you had done a factory reset, right? I had done like, well, it's connected to our Wi-Fi. And I was like, okay, yeah. But you had done a factory reset, right? I had done like reset network settings. That didn't work. Restart the phone.

Okay, erase thing. Like erase it and make it a new phone, essentially, is what I had done. And it didn't work. And I understand that resetting a phone, I know how to do it. And that's why I did it and it didn't fix it.

So I said to her, yeah, but it hasn't been working and this has actually happened twice with this phone. Yeah. So can you send it away? Then I got an email

and they give you updates. Oh yeah. And it said, yeah, they found an issue. Oh yeah. It didn't say what the issue was. Right.

I got it back yesterday, pulled in, turned up, here to pick up my phone, got an email. Here you go, here's my phone. And she said, yeah, yeah, it's all good. It's, because I was hoping for a replacement, because it's nice to have a fresh new

phone. Yeah. And she said, oh yeah, it's all good. They charged it and it's working fine. And I said, Wow. Okay. Was the tone like slightly condescending? Yeah, I'm trying to find the email that was like, it's been resolved. It hasn't been resolved.

The people, the customer service people, you gave it a charge. Yeah, what we did was we turned it off and we turned it on again. Yeah. And it just seems to have resolved the issue. That was it. So they sent it away, right? Yeah, they sent it away. Yeah. And just to resolve the issue. That was it. So they sent it away, right? Yeah, they sent it away. Right.

And then they said, when the, whatever, the tech support restarted the phone and charged it to full battery, the problems were resolved. And I was like, I just couldn't, knowing Vaughn's experience with this particular service provider, I couldn't just be like, do you think I didn't, knowing Vaughan's experience with this particular service provider, I couldn't just be like, do you think I didn't charge it?

Is that what you're trying to say to me? Is that what you're saying? What's in your head, rocks? Yeah. Are you questioning whether there's rocks in my head? Yeah. And that I'm a thickie? But they didn't give you any details about like-

Nothing else. Right. But they would have run some diagnostics and... Yeah, and what they found was that it had a flat battery. Did they run some diagnostics, do you think? Did they? Did they? I am like now watching this phone like a hawk.

But it seems to be working, right? Like it's all good. Do you know what? It is working fine. And the Wi-Fi connectivity issues have been resolved by charging it. Maybe it was just flat. And restart. No it wasn't. I had charged it. I'm going to gaslight you.

We're gaslighting Hayley into thinking she just needs to charge her phone. They're gaslighting me into thinking there's rocks in my head instead of a brain. Ridiculous. So my phone's all charged and it's working Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley Play ZM Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley's Secret Slurp Now it's time for Secret Slurp

We have a big Stanley cup to give away The guzzler What is it called? The The golper Golper No, quencher Quencher Is it the quencher? Yeah, it's a big quen. The guzzler. What is it called? The golper. No, quencher. Is it the quencher? Yeah, it's a big quencher.

The guzzler. Surely not. Oh, Shannon, don't bring that in here. Now, we do need to give a big shout out to producer Jared who yesterday sourced what I was going to slurp today. We were going to go savoury. We were trying to keep on brand with the things that we like.

Vaughan slurped up porridge. He eats porridge every morning. I slurped up Prosecco. I drink Prosecco all the time. And we know that Fletch is a mince man. He's always got mince in the fridge. So Jared purchased some mince. This is another thing.

Jared asked Fletch how he'd like his mince cooked. Well, he wanted to put tomatoes in it. Yeah, that's how you have mince. No, I don't like tomatoes. Tell everybody how you cook mince. Well, no, I just said cook it raw or just chuck some soy sauce in it. Soy sauce. Mince and soy sauce.

Well, that's not how I eat mince. That's madness. It is madness. But I thought at least it might give it a bit of a taste. I can't even look. I can't even look. Jared blended it. So he could slurp.

Oh! Oh! I can't even look. Jared blended it. So we could slip. It looks like yogurt. It looks like jelly meat. It's disgusting. It's solidified. Oh no, stop. I can't even look. Don't eat that. Born.

You ate that. You are filthy. Guys, it's just mints. Okay, so. This is yum. It was liquefied. It's liquid mints. Stop eating it. It's sick because of the high fat content of mints.

It's sick. Yeah, it's sick. Don't eat that. Don't eat that. Hayley, Hayley. It looks like cat food. Hayley, Hayley, ready? Born.

Don't. You're gross. So, we've changed. We've changed. We're not going to slurp reheated mints. We're not going to slurp reheated mints. Nom, nom, nom. Also, I'm a little bit volney today because we were drinking last night.

We had some drinks last night and I cannot watch. I've been watching World War II documentaries. Do you know how hungry those soldiers were when they were stuck in Star Wars? You're a well-to-do man in 2024. They would have killed

for some liquid mints. Okay, now we've gone to the vending machine in the office. To find a replacement to slip. Yes. Now we have had to

do a bit of crushing to get this up the straw. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Those are your only clothes at this stage. First time for any of us crushing something to get it up a straw. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Those are your only clothes at this stage. So first time for any of us crushing something

to get it up a straw. Yeah, exactly. Here we go. Wing, wing, nose, nose. Okay, it's in a bowl. Okay. I'm going to choke on this. No, it goes in your mouth

not up your nose. Ready? Here we go. I was going to say this guy's got a terrible gag reflex at the best of times and he's...

Go. Oh, yeah, it's hard. It's crumbed. It's right down the back of my throat. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. We need to hear it in the mouth. Suck into the teeth, maybe. Yeah, go.

Yeah, like that. Use the teeth as a filter. I've got a blockage. Now, let us hear you... There we go. There's a bit of crunch there. That's a clue. Okay. let us hear you. There we go. There's a bit of crunch there. That's a clue. Okay.

That's your clue. Secret slurp. What am I slurping? Fletchvorn and Hayley's Secret Slurp. Secret slurp. We are giving away Stanley Cumps all this week. That's our last one today. It is.

We've slurped up hundreds and thousands. Jelly, Prosecco, porridge. And today, what will it be? Have another go. He keeps choking on it. This is embarrassing for you. That goes straight to the back. Yeah.

Okay. What do we think he's slurped? Oh, my God. Sorry, no. Caitlin, good morning. Morning. You are first up for a guess. What am I slurping?

Oh, I think a crushed up chip. Jeepers. She's good. She's got it. It's going away. Thank God, because I did not want to do that again. I've actually been enjoying the rest of the bag. The whole chips, yeah. I'm just eating chips

the normal way. Yeah. Caitlin, congratulations. We've got a Stanley Cup. That was easy. Thank you so much, guys. That's awesome. I was trying for the Taylor Swift yesterday, but I'll take a Stanley today. Just as good, I reckon. Much more hydrated. Yeah, well, you get a lot more hydration.

Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Alright, Caitlin, well done. Wait there. We'll grab your details. Play ZM's Fletch Vaughn and Hayley. Taylor Swift on ZM, Fletch Vaughn and Hayley and her first show tonight in Melbourne, first of three Melbourne shows before she hits Sydney.

And Katrina winning our tickets yesterday. Last ones. The last Taylor Thursday tickets. Oh, I know someone texted this morning about 6.30 saying they were wearing their Taylor Swift t-shirt today in the hopes of increasing their chance of getting the tickets on. They're gone. All gone, babes.

All gone. Is it Wednesday, Melbourne? Is that today or tomorrow? Yeah, today. First of three Melbourne shows start today. Carwen's going to be beside herself. So people went the day before to get merchandise. Yes.

Because I saw lots of people being like, merch. Well, I believe our very own producer Carwen, who's in Melbourne right now, went yesterday and lined up for how long for you, Shannon? Oh, I didn't ask. Is that bad? No, you just want your merch. Yeah, but no, she sent me a photo. She got me a hoodie.

I did think the prices for some reason were going to be in New Zealand dollars, so I sent her the wrong amount of money how much is a taylor swift hoodie oh 120 u.s uh not us um australian yeah so 130. are you kidding me is it just like an as color hoodie probably worse than as color but that's why she's a billionaire and we're not we need more merch just probably got in the road with a picnic blanket with a, you know, a few... I could have gone to the Eros tour or something, you know. Yes. Yeah, true. Oh, God.

Should we do merch, guys? We could be rich. Would you guys, listeners, would you wear some Fletch Vaughan and Hayley merch? I think you've got to back it up with, like, quite a few albums and, like, worldwide tours. But we talk every day. We release new content every single day live. I don't know. There was a woman.

So I said woman. It's a girl. She was seven and a half years old when this happened. And it's finally been settled in court for six years later. Okay. 2018 this happened. And she has been awarded 100,000 euros. So.

200,000 New Zealand roughly. 200 roughly New Zealand dollars. Because she ran she was in a hotel and she walked through a patio door that she thought was open and it didn't shatter. It sharded.

I thought every It sharted itself. Sharded. Because if it's really old glass it won't shatter, it'll sh it sharted itself sharded sharded because what if it's really old glass it won't shatter it'll shard it'll shard

okay it's not safety glass and it's like daggers right like big big bits of glass multiple lacerations to her left calf

left knee and right butt cheek oh that would be horrible and she had to go via ambulance to an emergency service had emergency surgery

to stitch her all back. Yep. And so then her mum sued the hotel saying that was negligent for them to not have, to have a big glass patio door that's not safety glass. Or at least like a lot of them have a stripe across it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So that you don't run through a walk.

An opaque stripe. We saw this at a wedding like only a few weeks ago. Somebody walked into a closed door because the glass was so clean. So clean. And they were big glass panels. Yeah. Yeah.

So she was awarded basically $200,000 for this because the courts decided that, yeah, it should have been safety glass. And if it was safety glass, she would have got a thud. Yeah. But it wouldn't have caused

the amount of damage that it did. Yeah. So I know it's bad because she was really injured and she was only like seven when this happened, but it's still quite funny to me when people walk into glass doors. You know when you see security footage of people and the automatic doors don't open and they just walk straight into them? It's good stuff.

I want to know, when did you walk into a glass door? Because you thought it was open. Because you didn't see it, you thought it was open. The Kiwi Ranch Slider. Yeah. Like that is a classic for people running into the Ranch Slider.

Oh yeah, our Ranch Slider growing up had the bar halfway across. So you knew that it was shut. Yes, yeah. But our Ranch Slider now doesn't. No, you've just got big... But we always have dirty windows because we've got dogs that sit next to the windows.

Oh, okay. Helpful. So they're saving you. Helpful in their own way. They're actually saving your lives. Yeah. But I'm sure it's happened. I'm sure it's happened to you before.

Oh, and bonus points if it was in front of people. Like, it was at the wedding was quite embarrassing. Like, everybody laughed. Almost as funny as the time that you walked into a pole. We're not doing... We're not doing the time that you walked into a pole. We're not doing, we're not doing. We're not doing when did you walk into a pole. When did you walk into a pole. We're doing when did you think the door was open and it wasn't.

Yeah, great. When did you think the door was open but it wasn't. Right now though, talking about a girl that got 100,000 euros, 200,000 New Zealand dollars for walking into a glass window, a glass door. It was unintentional, but yes, that was the end of it because she received terrible injuries from it. So we've asked you, when did you walk into a glass door? When you thought the door was open. I'll tell you what, we've got an absolute audience of dum-dums.

With rocks in their head. Rocks in their head. Chloe, good morning. Good morning. You did this. You walked into, was it a door or a ranch slider? So we had, like, folding doors between our dining room and our lounge. Oh, yeah.

And they had big, full glass panes in there. I woke up one morning when I was five to go watch cartoons in the lounge, as you do. As you do. And I found my sister watching my Little Mermaid video. Yeah. But very upset because she hadn't asked my permission to watch it. That little bee. I didn't realise the door was closed

and kind of did a somersault through the glass. A somersault through the glass. You imagine you're sitting there watching Little Mermaid, presumably up to the bar with Under the Sea. You're like, I'm going to get away with this flawlessly. And then just the God tear smashing of huge glass frames and just seeing your sister bursting through it. My DVD.

Are you better with sharing now, Chloe? No. It's a no. It's a no. It's a no. Chloe, thanks for your call. Daniel, when did you think the door was open? It was open and it wasn't.

Well, it wasn't me. It was actually my nana. So my nana lives over in the UK. Yeah. And whenever she comes over, my mum has a tendency to clean the house like an absolute demon. Of course. And obviously that includes all of the glass in the house. And we actually have to put an A4 piece of paper with a highlighted X in the middle of the door.

And she's walked into it about 15 times. Oh, Nanny! I guess your vision goes, doesn't it? So maybe you wouldn't notice. Yeah. Well, no, it's not that. She's always got her head down playing her games on her iPad, and because it's so clean,

she just wants to make her way outside onto the nice sunny deck and sit down and play her game, and she just walks into it every time. Poor Nana. She's a funky Nana. Brilliant. Hey, look up, Nana. There's a whole world.

Yeah, I know. Yeah, but she's spent like those... Go outside and kick a ball around, Nana. What's in your head? Rocks and kick a ball around, Nana. What's in your head? Rocks! Thanks, you call. Daniel, Crystal,

when did you think the door was open, but it wasn't? Mine's a little bit different. So my friends were like, hey, do a handstand. And I was like, oh yeah, I can do that. And I did a handstand and I put my hand, I put my head through the sliding door window.

Because I fell, yeah. Oh, my God, your head. Was your face all right? Yeah, it was. So luckily I had a cat door on the sliding door, and the cat door kind of saved my head a little bit. Wait, did you pop your head through? No, like I just got the top of the cat door,

but it was enough to kind of give my head that space to kind of get through without any damage. Oh, God. Okay. Great. That's nice. I was like, why is there so much hair on my beard? And I had, like, cut half my hair, like.

You'd scalp yourself. Oh, God. Yuck. It was one of those nights. Oh, my God. That'll teach you for showing off. We did ask for it, didn't we? Rocks.

We'll get to more of your texts and calls next. A lot of people walking into glass doors, it appears, because someone did it overseas and they got $200,000 out of it in a lawsuit. I mean, they were cut up like crazy because it wasn't safety glass. Quite badly. Which was the reason for the lawsuit. Yeah, indeed. I hope they put some bio-oil on it.

Yeah, you would have to get bio-oil on it, actually. Grape for scars, grape for scars. Actually, I was going to buy some bio-oil recently. Is that still the... It's grape for scars. Is that good for scars? I think everyone says it's grape for scars. Grape for scars.

Yeah, you put it on, it's good for scars. Good for scars. Good for pregnant bellies. You know, stretch marks. Grape for scars. You put it on, it's good for scars. Good for scars. Good for pregnant bellies. You know, stretch marks. Great for scars. Tracy, when did you think the door was open but it wasn't? Hey, how you going? Really good.

Really good. Year 2000, my flatmate and I rushed into Glessens. Got to get our white pants going out. White pants and a halter neck top? Was it a halter neck and jean top thing? White pants and a nice top. Yes. Absolutely. Dark black G-string nice top. Yes. Absolutely.

Dark black G-string under those white pants? Absolutely. No, neon. Neon. Neon G. We need a neon G. Just poke it at the top a little bit. Yes.

Absolutely. Whale tail. Whale tail. Now we're talking. We've got a good picture here. Yes. We've got a little tramp stamp back there? Hey, that's too much.

Come on now. Sorry, I overstepped. I overstepped. Okay, so what, you go into Glassons. Yeah. The lady there said to us, look, we're just closing

and we said, we know what we want. We're just going to rush in. We'll get it. We'll get out. She said, right, hurry up. So in we go,

get it. As I'm walking out, I thought, oh, is my receipt in the bag? And I looked in and I looked up, there's a door. As I'm walking out, I thought, oh, is my receipt in the bag? And I looked in and I looked up, there's a door,

I looked back down again looking for it and bang, and I just hit the glass doors. She had locked them because they were closing. Oh, the automatic didn't open.

There was no giving them and so I started to fall backwards. My flatmate went, oh, and jumped to the side and let me hit the deck. Your flatmate didn't even catch you.

No. Wow. And the worst part about it was my make-up face print was on the glass. Yeah, I bet. Yes, yes, yes, yes. Because someone messaged in saying their nana was drunk at a family event and walked into a ranch lower, and the best part about it was she left her face on the window.

The full face on the window. You would have had your Dream Map mousse on. Oh, yeah, I'd say. Absolutely. Bit of natural glow, I think. Bit of natural glow in Dream Map Moose. Tracy, just before we let you go, can we get an update on that tramp stamp situation?

Is it happening? Was there one? Was there one? It was a Japanese symbol for love or something. Oh! I knew it! I can see it! Vaughan Smith knows the early 2000s.

I smell a tramp stamp. Did you get to the club, though, in the end that night, or were you too concussed? No, I had to get under A&E because I had concussion. Oh, babe. At least you had your white pants for next weekend though, you know. Absolutely. Let's get that neon G hiked up. Dance to Nelly hot in here on a wooden table. The 2000s. Tracy, thank you so much.

Nelly up with a bit of Papa Roach? Oh, yeah. Jeremy. It's a real mixed vibe in this club. Jeremy, when did you think the door was open but it was shut? My partner, Emma, was on a Zoom call with a whole heap of friends for one of her friend's birthdays. Oh, yeah.

And I thought it would be hilarious to do a streak in the background. You sound like a funny dude. So I ran through, jumped full nude, ran through the back, jumped up so everyone could see me. And then as I landed, thinking I'd run through the closed, I threw the open ranch slider, bang, straight into it. Oh! Please tell me someone was recording that.

All on video, yes. What's in your head? Rocks! Did your schlong leave a little print on the glass? No, thankfully the frankenbeans were absolutely fine. Oh, fantastic. You don't want to slam those into a bloody glass, do you? Jeremy, thank you.

Some messages to finish up. I used to work at a fast food joint and the door was fully glass. The amount of people, old and young, who walked into it, we had a container all after. The door was fully glass. The amount of people, old and young, who walked into it, we had a container all after. One old boy ran full blast into it and broke his nose. Oh, God. Immediately blood smeared on the nose.

I ran into a ranch loader door with so much force, it popped the ranch loader out of the socket and smashed me and hit the ground. Wow. My daughter wanted me to tell you guys that supermarket automatic doors don't work for her. Wherever there's an automatic door, she goes and it doesn't open for her. She's a ghost.

And she'll be like, oh, it's broken. And then someone else will come up and the doors will open. Oh, she's not in the zone. Didn't that happen on an episode of The Simpsons? Didn't Bart Sellers sold a millhouse and then things like this started happening to him? Oh, right. Okay.

Yeah. It's spooky. You're like the only person that kept watching The Simpsons. No, that was early Simpsons. I mean, Bart sold his soul. Was it? I tapped out. Bart sold his soul.

Jared, can you quickly Google what episode and season Bart sold his soul? I tapped out. I tapped out. I've tapped out. I've tapped out. I've tapped out of this conversation. An original date. I want to show these guys it was early Simpsons.

Well, we've tapped out. We're putting chapstick on now. We've tapped out. I walked through. Well, now I'm going to keep reading. We're putting chapstick on now. I walked through, well, now I'm going to keep reading them until Jared hits me with October the 8th,

1995. That's my birthday. What was the name of the episode, please? I've tapped out. Walked through a ranch like nine days in hospital.

Missed that on a five month trip to Canada. However, met my wife and now we've been together 35 years. Oh, that's nice. The episode was called Bart Sells a Soul.

It was the 8th of October. It was 1995. Wait, was the wife the nurse, that's nice. The episode was called Bart Sells a Soul. It was the 8th of October. It was 1995. Wait, was the wife the nurse? That's hot. I don't know. You met her at some stage. That's like one of your horny novels, isn't it? Oh, my God, yeah.

I had a hot nurse once, though, and I had to pee on a towel in front of him. So, you know. On a towel? Yeah. I'm tapping out. We've got time. I think we should tap out. I'd hurt my neck, and so I wasn't allowed to move

until they knew that it was alright. Why didn't they use a bedpan? It was too late. It was too quick. Oh, you were like, it's happening, it's happening, it's happening. Did he manage to get a towel there or there was already a towel there?

There was a towel there and he had pissed on the towel. Safe to say we didn't hook up. They see worse. And I didn't break my neck so I didn't even need to really be there. They see worse. So I didn't even need to really be there. That's serious. Now, we need to share with you a story.

We were at the bar yesterday celebrating the launch of season two of Sex.Live. Check it out anywhere you listen to your podcasts. We had a great coconut margarita, didn't we? We're going to try to recreate that. It was sort of milky. Yeah, they used like a coconut cream instead of water. Yeah, he made me ask the bartender what was in it. What are you having, a margarita?

Yeah, a coconut cream. Yeah, and it was amazing. Nuts and no from me. And the rim was coconut. No, it was nuts. It was a yes. Nuts and no. Margaritas have got to be tequila and like, either like zesty tequila or like a slushy.

You like the coconut albers. It's the same. It worked. But it was milky. It worked. Anyway, the coconut margaritas aside, our friend Todd was telling us a story. Because he's trying to sell his little mini.

He's got a cute little mini, an old school mini. Yeah, old school mini. And so, you know, when you're selling a car independently, you... There's nothing worse than buying or selling a car. It's one of life's biggest punishes. Yeah, so he listed it and people asked questions and whatnot. And what was it?

Someone approached him and saying, can you show me the revs or something like that? Yeah. He was like, I want to hear it revving. Yeah. So Toddy. Todd's on the phone. Todd's on the way. Have we got Todd? Oh my God, Toddy. Toddy. Good morning. How are you? So did we wake you up So Toddy... Todd's on the phone. Todd's on the way. Have we got Todd?

Good morning. How are you? So did we wake you up, Toddy? No. No, I'm on my way to work and I was just like, why is someone with no caller ID calling me? No, I'm going to ignore this. That's us, darling. That's us. Or it could have been someone from Grindr. You never know.

Most likely was going to be. Never give out your number on the grind. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I was just telling Todd the story that you told us at the bar last night, but take it away. You say it. So you're selling your car. Yes.

And you got a request to see how the car revs. Yes, yes. So they wanted to see the throttle return or something like that. So, you know, when you rev the engine, the engine revs straight away that there's no delay or anything like that. Oh, yeah. And so he's also like, can you send a video? I was like, okay, yeah, standard request.

So, like, send a video of the engine running and, like, revving the engine from the front and then went around into the car and, like, just, you know, kind of stood my foot into the car and revved the engine a bit. And I was like, sweet, that's good enough. Yeah, we saw this video, sufficient video for the request you were asked. Yeah.

Yeah, that'd be it. And then he came back and he was just like, hey, it sounds really good. I'm really interested in this car. And then he was just like, but can you just send me another video? I just need it a little bit closer up. Can you just, do you mind just doing a close-up of the accelerator pedal

while you're revving the engine while you're driving? And I was just like, I'm not going to record my feet while I'm driving. That's crazy because your phone's slip-sliding around down by your feet now. Exactly, yeah. And it's a manual as well so i'm like busy hands busy hands busy hands busy feet yeah yeah yeah um and yeah and then he sent me this video he's just like here's an example of what i did in my car and he put the phone behind the accelerator pedal and you just see his manky foot like he's he's in bare feet. Bare ass foot. Yeah.

Yeah, and it was, yeah, he's like, you can see him, like, accelerating and all that kind of stuff. Couldn't even hear the car. Like, I didn't even know what he was trying. Well, I think I do know what he was. This guy is a foot guy, and he wants to see your feet. He's not even interested in your car. There will be no exchange of money or cars.

He just wants to see your foot like some foot porn, accelerated pedal porn. Yeah, and he's not going to get my treats for free, I'll tell you that. No, no, no, don't give that away. Who's going to buy the cow or the mini in this case, if they get in the milk, the feet in this case, for free.

Exactly. So did you respond to him? I was, well, He said that he's moving to Auckland next week, and I was just like, oh, just come and see the car. Yeah, this is weird, dude. Like, if you want the car. Can you make sure you're wearing, like, boots or something

when he comes to see the car so he doesn't get free feet? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Do you know, my mate just messaged the exact same thing happened to someone he works with. It was exactly, like, almost word for word. I need to see if there's a delay in response from accelerator to engine rev. That's probably the same person.

Oh, yeah. Ask him what his name is and send it to me. Oh, yeah, we'll compare, we'll compare. This is wild. Unless he is, though. We could be, you know, saying he's a foot fetishist, but he could just be a barefoot driver. Because, you know, barefoot driving in summer is the way to go.

Yeah. Yeah. He might just want to see how those toes grip the clutch. So this guy's out there getting feet at work. Rum, rum, rum, rum. The purr of an engine. The purr of an engine. Yeah. The bare toes. Little foot, rum, rum. The purr of an engine. The purr of an engine. Yeah.

The bare toes. Little foot fetish for free. Yeah. Well, if he's listening, Hayley's feet are for free, aren't they? They're on Foot Wiki. Yeah, go on Wiki Feet. Wiki Feet. It's on there.

I reckon this guy submits to Wiki Feet. That's the sort of... You reckon he's an advert of something. Yeah, right. He's a Wiki Feet advert. If you're selling your car, it's happened to Todd, and it's happening to someone else's for Hamilton. And if you want to buy a Mini, our friend Todd's selling his car.

Yeah, it's a 1976 Morris Mini. Please buy it. It's a free plug for you. Free plug, thank you. I appreciate it. Thanks, Toddy. Have a great day. And your warning, if you're selling your car,

don't send anyone foot pics. Yeah. Because that's just giving them something for free. Somebody said a friend of mine was selling shoes on Facebook Marketplace and a guy messaged saying, oh, that's cool, but can you show me the foot going into the shoe? That's just kind of what I need to know if the foot's going to go into the shoe. Well, if it's one of those shoes that needs to be wiggled or whatever.

Well, that could be a legit request. No it's not. It's definitely not. Anything to do with feet not a legit request. But I do love getting a... Can you show me your foot going into the shoe? That is nothing. Yeah no that's not is it? That's sexy well. Yeah. But why don't they just search online? Like surely it's in a feed online. No I think it's like the hunt. The request.

Oh right. A little bit of... And you're doing it for me. Yeah right. That's easy. Pickings going online. There. And you're doing it for me. Yeah, right. That's easy. Pickings go online. There's money to be made here. I've got size 10s. Surely there's a market for that.

You've got kind of stumpy toes. No, I don't. I've got quite long toes. Well. I don't have finger toes like you. You've got finger toes. They're sort of middling. I've got the best one here.

You've got stumpies. Biggie Ben, Vaughan's got stumpies. I've got a wide foot. He's got short little flat wide stumpies. Beg your pardon? Vaughan's got stumpies. I've got a wine foot. He's got a short little flat wine stumpies. I spent too much time on bare feet growing up. Play. ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley. My wife!

I'm just going to get that out of the way because that happens every time I say it's my wife's birthday. Because what I'm doing here, Hayley, more for you. Fletch, you'll be well versed in this. There'll be a lot of people listening to the show who perhaps haven't listened for a long time. They've tuned in for things like Taylor Swift Thursdays and I've stayed with the program.

Taylor Swift Thursdays are done now. But I've stayed with the program. Thank you for staying with the program. Thank you for staying with the program. Now they're not familiar with us as regular listeners may be. My name is Vaughn Smith. Next week I will be 42 years old. I'm a heterosexual male.

Yeah. Who, to be completely honest, has been curious about it but never acted upon it. What, your heterosexuality? Just wondering what I'd be like. Not like I want to. It pays to think about it. But I'm just like, could I? And I think it's almost more heterosexual alpha male of me to be like,

could I? Bet I could. Bet I could. I bet you could. I bet he could. I bet he could. So, and I have a wife called Sade, and as you can probably tell, even from the sentence prior to this one, she's a very patient woman. Very patient. I've got two lovely

daughters, although apparently one I've just had a message this morning as being a real cow. Oh, really? Someone's getting no screen time after school today. But yesterday was my wife, Vaughan Smith's wife, Sade,

her birthday. 39. 39. This is the thing, every time she has a birthday she says the numbers people are like, not true.

And that's really good. She loves that and I love that. Yeah, she's got a perfect face. So, it was her birthday yesterday and just, it's been a bit of a chaotic week in the Smith household.

There's been problems that need to be dealt with tight, those problems that are playing in the house and take a long time to deal with, that sort of stuff. Been dealing with all that. Yesterday I had an inspection with the council, which went beautifully, my son. I can't wait to get the email saying, how was your interaction with Auckland Council,

so I can name the person and say, this is the single handedly the best employer you have. Make him the mayor. I need the details because we've got our final CCC coming up. I thought you did but I don't think you get to pick. You don't get to request. I'll get Grumpy Kevin

or something. Yeah, no, you don't want that. My dude is a good man. So he said he was coming at 12. Had a few things yesterday. Hadn't got any presents because we said we were doing our presents. But then loophole, technically I didn't buy her a present. I bought her two presents that were from one each of our daughters. Did you go where I said to go?

Yeah. And did it do the job? It did the job. It did the job. She did well. So I went to a mall and that was overwhelming and quite a lot. I'm a bit upset by the colours at the mall. Well, I pulled into this mall and it said

you're in the green car park. I was like, sweet. But every level in that car park was green. You had to remember the number as well. Yeah. I didn't remember the number. I literally went, ground, no, one, no, one mezzanine, no, two mezzanine, no, no. I was on three mezzanine.

No, you need to come out because I went to the same mall literally probably like 10 minutes after you left. You've got to come out and see the first shop you see and go, right, I'll just come back to that shop. They all look the same to me. All the shops. I'm part of their politics.

All the shops look the same. So I went there. That took a little bit longer than expected. And I talked yesterday about I wanted to decorate a cake. I had some great suggestions, so I needed to go get that. And when I went to the place to get the cake decorations, I saw some balloons that were numbers. I was like, great.

Perfect. Then I get a call from the council guy when I've got like a handful of cake stuff and balloons, and he's like, hi, I'm early. Is it all right if I come around now? I said, I'll be home in two. Chaos, chaos, chaos, chaos, chaos. The guy's like, do you want these balloons filled up with helium? I said, I'd love to, but I simply don't have the time.

And as I walked out the door, he's like, do you know how to inflate them? I said, I'll work it out. Because they're balloons. They're those helium, those foil balloons. I've done them. They're not challenging. You've got to get a straw up in them. Yeah, but then they have a long time. Jesus. Inflating by a straw. So that got done.

The inspection went well. Sade went out for a seafood boil up with her father. Tick, tick, tick tick that's great that's great there's a lot of detail it came in a plastic bag yeah and then they poured it

like a shopping bag it looked like it and then they poured it into the bowl in the middle but they did say it was amazing and it did look pretty good

big crabs half a crab $15 what is it $19.87 this is insane so anyway I get the inspection done.

I make her not come into the kitchen. I ice the cake. I go get the kids. She gets her lashes done. She comes home. Here we go. And now she's crying. Is she crying yet?

Here comes the tears. Did you make her cry just after she got her lashes done? That's not good. Oh, maybe that's why she was like crying but keeping her eyes wide open and not wiping her eyes. Anyway. Oh, maybe that's why she was like crying but keeping her eyes wide open and not wiping her eyes. So recently in our house, we always give each other silly nicknames. We've had so many throughout our... Sharts.

Sharts is the main one, but there's been like Goosey and Ducky and Schlappy and Schlappy and all these silly names. And at the moment, we call each other Fleafer. Yeah. Now, that's off that cute little video with that, Who's that wonderful girl? Could she be any cuter? It's a Canadian puppet show called Nanalan,

and it's got Mona, this character, and her soft toy is a duck called Flea-fa. Now, I commissioned the very skilled Shannon, so skilled with the crochet needles, to make Sade her own version of Fleafer. Shannon Lent Pyjamas, you did so well. You nailed it. Thank you.

I looked, so Vaughn sent me a pattern and it was going to cost me $10 and I was like, I'm not spending $10 to learn how to make it. I would have paid for it. I didn't know that. Oh, yeah, yeah. Wait, how much did he pay you? Because I feel like it wasn't enough. He was very, I'm not spending $10 to learn how to make it. I would have paid for it. I didn't know that. Wait, how much did he pay you? Because I feel like it wasn't enough.

He was very, no, very, very generous. I doubled what she asked for. Yeah, he doubled. Oh, that's good for you. He was very kind. I thought he was just going to say it was part of your job. Thought about it. Thought about it. Thought it would be great worth experience and exposure. Oh my goodness. He did tag me on Instagram and I did get about 10 followers.

Oh, there you go So that was worth it You should return the money because that's exposure But no so I was like I'm not wasting $10 on this pattern I'm just going to make it up So I just kind of came up with this weird shape and it looked like a bowling ball It was meant to look stupid is the issue But yeah

So the girls gave her the gifts That Brazilian bum bum cream That you guys were talking about Some Brazilian bum bum cream Yeah George is nod her the gifts, that Brazilian bum bum cream that you guys were talking about. Oh, good, good, good. Some Brazilian bum bum cream. Yeah, George is nodding. She knows about the Brazilian bum bum cream. Everyone go bum bum cream.

Gotta go bum bum cream. Why is everyone using the Brazilian bum bum cream? Because it tightens up your bum bum. It tightens up your bum bum. It smells nice. It's the Brazilian bum bum cream. Everyone's on it.

It smelled the smell. Right, okay. Did you sniff it on the bum bum or just from the tub? I went into Mecca. Now, I tell you what, if you're in your tubby phase and you're a bit of an ugly,

ugly brood like me, going into Mecca now I tell you what if you're in your tubby phase and you're a bit of an ugly ugly prude like me going into Mecca is not going to make you feel better because I think to work there you have to be a 10 and I rocked in in a scruffy four and it made me

and I was already overwhelmed because I don't do like outside well and then the mall threw me I go a little bit so orientated and this was before

I couldn't find my car and then I go into Mecca, which smells nice, but everybody in there was a model. I know. I know. It's overwhelming. And I'm like, yeah, I'm buying something for my wife. Bum, bum cream.

Come and get some of this bum, bum cream. Don't do that if you're having an insecure day. So she gets the bum, bum cream. She gets a necklace. And then she unwraps Flea-fa that Shannon made. And she's like, oh my God, Flea-fa! And she starts to cry. And it's the first time I've given her anything that has made her cry.

And then I revealed the cake, which was Mona, who's that wonderful girl. And she cried again. Could she be any cuter? Could she be any cuter? You did a really good job on the icing, by the way, as a woman who hosts a baking show. You did a really good job in the icing, by the way. As a woman who hosts a baking show, you did a great job.

It's not easy. Hard. Really hard. I could read it. It was legible. It looked good. Just. Hey, we're trying to pump him up.

He's having an insecure day. You should try icing straight over icing. It's wild. Yeah, you've got to let it sit. I did say you's a vivid, but you wouldn't listen. No, I wouldn't listen.

Yeah, delicious vivid. It smells good. Why wouldn't it taste good? A birthday that was just in the middle of this crazy week and everything was like... You said it was going to be a nothing. I didn't know it was going to be anything and it turned out to be great.

Good from you. Yeah, but effort out there. Well, effort from Shannon. Yeah. Shannon did the heavy lifting. Shannon really did the heavy lifting. A lot of heavy lifting. Play Zed-N's Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley.

Fact of the day, day, day, day, day. Today's Fact of the Day and the final fact for Super Bowl week. Just sort of feels like Super Bowl was Monday. I know. Like, you're really dragging this out. But Monday was the start of the week. And this is that week. Don't know what next week's going to be.

Can we have something silly? We can have silly. Silly. Novelty toys. You know, like, Fake noses and stuff Oh my god Yeah like What about

Fart in a jar Whoopie cushions and stuff Yeah Yeah yeah Silly Okay like toys that weren't Invented to be toys But then

Turned into toys Yeah yeah great Yeah whatever Silly You just do some research Okay Report back Today's

Fact of the day About the Superbowl Oh another one You know the one Where you think it's chewing gum But it snaps your finger That's fact of the day about the Super Bowl is about the coin toss. One where you think it's chewing gum, but it snaps your finger. That's a good one. What about like spider in a box? Or a nail that's in a plaster?

Are you guys ordering out of the back of a 1970s Archie's comic? Yes. X-ray specs. Yes. So you can see your neighbour's knickers. Snake in a can. So the coin toss. Did you see the video of the two guys that both bet $10,000 on it coming up tails,

and then it came up heads this year and they both instantaneously lost $10,000 US dollars? If you're going to do that with your mate, one goes heads, one goes tails, and then you split the money for a laugh, right? Yeah. And then you're always the mate that remember the time I picked it, but remember the time you owe me $10,000.

You owe me and then it splits the friendship up. Yeah, yeah, totally, blow it apart. Well, the Super Bowl coin is a specially minted coin every single year. Oh, so they make money out of it. Yeah. Okay. The Heinle Mint crafts a unique coin every year. The image of the Lombardi Trophy, which is a lot of people

think the trophy is called the Super Bowl. It's not. The Super Bowl's the game. Yeah. But the trophy is called the Lombardi Trophy and the other image is to represent the current Super Bowl. Like this year, it might have had something to do with Las Vegas. Previous years, it's got something to do with that.

Or the two teams might get a little special symbol. They mint one of them, especially for the coin toss. So they don't just go like, has anyone got a wallet? Because in New Zealand, when they do the cricket, the captain's met out there for the coin toss for the cricket. You can tell it's just like, shit. Anyone got two bucks? Bruce, you got a two dollar coin? The 50 cent used to be the best for the coin toss. It crooked A. You can tell it's just like, shit. Anyone got two bucks? Bruce, you got a two dollar coin?

The 50 cent used to be the best for the coin toss. It's too small now. The two dollars, you gotta go with two dollar. The two dollars got the weight. You need that weight for it. The other ones are too light,

too small. So today's fact of the day for the final fact for Super Bowl week is that there is a special coin minted every year for the coin toss at the start of the Super Bowl.

Fact of the day, day, day, day, day. Play ZM's Fletchford and Ailey. Play ZM's. So Jenniferford and Hayley Play ZM So Jennifer Lopez is making a documentary Sorry I really just came quite hot on the back of that I really apologise I'll let you finish Jennifer Lopez is making a documentary

about making a movie This is why I unfollowed her today Were you here when Hayley announced I've never followed J-Lo so I'm not sure what's happening but you did say I've unfollowed her today. Were you here when Hayley announced? I've never followed J-Lo, so I'm not sure what's happening, but you did say I've unfollowed J-Lo and you said you'd tell us why. I don't know.

She's giving me the ick and I just can't put my finger on why. She's icking me a bit and I'm just taking some time out. Sounds like jealousy because someone is looking fabulous in their 50s. I'm absolutely jealous. She's rich and beautiful.

Yeah. Of course. Maybe that's why, but I'm not following her anymore. No, but just annoying to follow. She's rich and beautiful. Yeah. Of course. Maybe that's why, but I'm not following her. No, but just annoying to follow. She's just annoying me. Anyway, she's making a documentary about the making of an album or something like that. Yeah. And

in the trailer for the documentary, which is The Greatest Love Story Never Told, it's kind of about the inspiration behind it, which is, of course, her behind it which is of course her marriage and the sort of on again off again relationship with Ben Affleck and in the trailer there's a clip of her with other musicians who she's collaborating with

and she's laid out all of these love letters that he's written her over the years and he had kind of titled them The Greatest Love Story Never Told and she's like sharing the contents of these love letters over the years and he had kind of titled them The Greatest Love Story Never Told. And she's like sharing the contents of these love letters, really intimate love letters. And in the trailer he like walks in and is like,

what's going on? And she's like, well, this is The Greatest Love Story Never Told. Like this is the inspiration. And he's like. Is this going to get him in trouble with Jennifer Garner, who he was with for like a long time before, between. Oh yeah. We looked at the date on these letters,

but there's a bit of crossover there. Oh wow. Yeah. And so, and then later in the documentary, in the trailer, you see that he's like talking about privacy and like he, he really,

like wants privacy in their, in their relationship. That would be your worst, that would be my worst nightmare is like private like love letters or diary or journal was like read by someone else. Because that's not the idea, right? I burnt, because I only ever kept journals for the first like two weeks of the year because I was just like, I'm going to do it.

I'm going to journal. I found one, my parents are like, this is all your junk. And I found one, I read the first page and I was like, burn it. And I burnt it because it is not who I am and it is not a person that ever needs to be asked to see the light of day again. I have one diary that I was made, I think I was like 11, and that's the only one I've kept.

No, I've got two. One when I was at high school and I've kept them both, but I dare not read it. I can't even face it myself, let alone if Aaron was making a show and he was like, here's the inspiration, was reading

it out. Or even like lovely things that we've written for each other. But okay, so you hear about people and you hear like maybe girls are like, oh yeah, my mum read my diary or my journal. Yeah. Like, that's bad, right? This is what I want to ask is,

when did someone read your private love letters or your diary and how embarrassing was it? Like, what did they read? Yeah. I know my mum read my diary once and it resulted in me going to therapy for her. Oh no, was this Goth Haley? Therapy for a couple of months. I was

Goth Haley. Can you say what Goth Haley said? I was trying to portray that I had dark thoughts. But you didn't have the dark thoughts but you wrote them down. I was such a happy, privileged young teenager and I wanted so

badly to be pained. And you kind of thought maybe your friend might see this diary at some stage and be like, she does pained. And you kind of thought maybe your friend might see this diary at some stage and be like, she does have tears. She's so dark. She's a dark and mysterious character.

I got sent to therapy. That's what happened is my mum read my diary and she sent me to therapy for a bit. Wow. Anyway, this is what we want to know.

Mine would just sort of give me a swift kick up the ass. Yeah, don't use that kind of language. Get your shit together. When did someone read your private love letters or your private diary?

We want to know when, I've just done it again, I've come in quite hot on the back of your sentence there. I really apologise. It's all right, get on up. We want to know when someone read your diary or your love letters, like J-Lo was sharing the love letters Ben Affleck sent her, and he's a bit like,

why are you doing, um, excuse me? Why are you showing these to the whole world? Yeah. Because she's been wearing it online. People are like, you just can't do that. Yeah, everyone's being like, that's private. Um, Ali, who read what? Hi, guys.

Long time listener, first time caller. I found it. I found it. There it is. Welcome. Welcome, Ali. Welcome. Thank you so much.

So when I was a teenager, and this is going to tell you a little bit about how old I am, my dad read my diary. I had written that on the weekend I had watched American Pie and that I had hooked up with my boyfriend at the time. And I got home from school and I could tell that he'd touched my diary because it was a soft cover and his big manly hands had kind of left it rounded.

When he re-gripped it, he gripped it so tight, it just folded underneath his manly grasp. And so I was like, okay, well I know he's moved it. Anyway, at dinner that night, family dinner, sitting around the table and he's like, hey, I was watching that movie American Pie. I was just wondering what hooked up means.

And I lost it. I said, you're a liar. You read my diary. Cried straight upstairs. Oh, my God. Never writing a diary ever again. And I have never written a diary ever again. It's best just to not have evidence of things that you would write in a diary.

Diaries aren't evidence for parents. It's just evidence. It is. They really are. evidence of things that you would write in a diary, I think. Diaries are evidence for parents. It's just evidence. It is, they really are. In the court of parents. In the court of parents, yeah. Ali, thank you so much. You call Lauren. Who read your diary?

Hey, guys. First time caller. Yes! Same as Ali. Yes! Long time listener. You know, Lauren, you have to say, Hi, guys.

Lauren here. Long time listener. First time caller. Okay. Hi, guys. Lauren here. Long-time listener, first-time caller. Okay. Hi, guys. Lauren here. Long-time listener, first-time caller. Welcome, welcome, welcome, Lauren.

Welcome. Now, was it Dad again reading your diary? No, it was my mum. Okay. So I went and I went for New Year's Eve at my best friend's house and she was like, there better be no boys there. And I was like, yep, that's fine. I had a plan hatched in my head.

I was going to meet up with my boyfriend that night and I did. And things led to other things and I wrote it all in my diary the next day and that afternoon I came home and she was like, you can't see him anymore. I was like, what? Yeah, she read my diary and she rung him and told him that we weren't allowed to see each other again. So you, was this the night that you

gave your flower away? It was! And they found out about it reading your diary. It's crazy how they know, but they know. I know. Wow. See, again.

She sniffed it out. She sniffed it out like a little dog. Yeah, it's evidence for parents. Did you ever see him again? Yeah, I did. We have two kids. Oh, my God. Yay!

Oh, my God. You didn't want to shop around a bit? Take that, Mum. You didn't want to shop around a bit? Take that, Mum. You didn't want to shop around? Yeah. There's a lot of florists in town, I'm saying. A lot of florists. Oh, Lauren, so good.

Thank you. I've smelled plenty of flowers. What? Talking about those times when somebody read your love letters or your diary or your journal. And it's mostly parents. Raises a very good point. You can't unread or unhear someone's private thoughts.

It's not their... It wasn't for you. It wasn't for you. If you go looking for trouble, you're going to find it. Find it. I accidentally read one of the many books my stepdaughter writes in,

like just blank notebooks, to try to find a book to write the grocery list in. And it just had I hate and then my name written all through this book. You probably had a fair idea she didn't like you though. Yeah, look, she was moody. Yeah. My dad's girlfriend at the time read my diary while I was at school. Most of it was about how much I hated her as she was so nasty to me

and her kids bullied me in my own house. That relationship ended when she soon after gave my father an ultimatum between me or her. Good work, Dad. Oh, wow. Dad picked the or her. Good work, Dad. Wow. Dad picked the right one. Thank you, thank God. My mother-in-law read a spicy letter that I wrote to my then partner,

which was her son. Yeah. Called me a dirty S-L. L. You know the rest of the word. Taylor Swift. Slytherin. Yeah, Slytherin.

A dirty little Slytherin. And the fact I was pregnant out of wedlock was all my fault as I tricked her son into unprotected sex. Oh, for God's sake. You know how guys are always getting tricked into unprotected sex. I know, they're like,

no, no, no. No, no, I don't even want to. I don't even want to. I'm happy with a dry hump. That's what guys are. No, just a dry hump and a condom for me, thanks. An evil woman like,

get that off and put it in me. The amount of times I've heard that. They're always doing it. Now, a woman, my friend and I read her older sister's letters from her boyfriend and had a map of a house they were going to be alone in

and what he was going to do to her in each room of that house. That's hot. And they were like 17 or 18 at the time. That's hot, man. It sounds like one of your horny books. It does. Goodness, man. He drew a one of your horny books. It does. Yeah. Goodness, man.

He drew a map. He drew a map. He got the limb report from the council file. Oh, we say limb report again. He did have to wait a few weeks for it. He did, actually. And pay $59 for it. See ya, see ya later.

Actually, I'm going to have to stop you there. That's copyrighted. Suzy Cato's a very good friend of mine. She's already sued me twice. So if you could maybe get her to drop her litigious action, that would be great. Tell her I'll review her five stars. Yeah.

If she does the same for this podcast. Yeah. And then she tells all her friends. And if you're listening, maybe give it five stars as well.