ZM's Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley - Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley's Big Pod - 16th July 2024

Episode Date: July 15, 2024

Cheap as Chips?  Top 6: Reasons King Charles isn't coming over  Silly Little Poll!  How did you Ruin your Car? Hayley's Hole  Vaughan's Project  Fact of the Day Day Day Day Daaaaay!  See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

The ZM Podcast Network. The Flesh, Vaughan and Hayley Big Pod. Great things are brewing at McCafe. The perfect start to every day. Good morning, welcome to the show. Flesh, Vaughan and Hayley. It's two minutes past six. Hey.

$25,000 up for grabs at eight o'clock this morning. Five long time. Don't people want it? Man, how long has it been? Is this like the sixth week? I don't know. Fifth week? Must be.

Well, your chance to win the cash if you say time at exactly 5.00 seconds, 8 o'clock this morning. The top six on the way are King Charles announcing he's not coming. He's not coming to New Zealand when he comes down under. Because he was. Rude. It was a possibility, I think, pre-cancer diagnosis. Right.

So now he's just going to Australia instead. But we're so close. I know. So close. We're just the next town along. What does he fly? I don't know.

What does he fly? Don't they just fly commercial? But they go like business or first class or whatever? Imagine though when you come on a flight and you walk past

the business class and you're like, hello, King. It'd be weird. Surely they put up a screen or something. Can you Google that and find out what he flies? Yeah, how does Royal Family Travel International. Maybe they fly like the Air Force. Yeah, like the Air Force planes.

The King does not travel on scheduled flights, but other members of the Royal Family do, so whenever possible. Members of the Royal Family are normally flown on private charters, either large fixed wing aircraft, small fixed wing aircraft, or helicopters, depending on the distance and the size of their actual aircraft. Right, so to come all the way down south, he would be on a large private aircraft. Private jet. Yeah.

Wow. Well, the top six, so in the top six reasons King Charles is not coming to New Zealand. Fair enough. Yeah. Probably because we're all mingers. Oh. Yeah. Next on the show.

All mingers. There is a saying that people are demanding be retired. Retired? Retired. Be retired. Because it's no longer true. I thought we could brainstorm it. Some what?

Some new sayings? Some new ideas. Okay. Play. ZM's F new sayings? Some new ideas. Okay. ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley. Now, there is a chick, I'm going to call her chicky babe, in Sydney who is demanding that we retire the phrase

cheap as chips because chips aren't cheap. Which chips is this saying about? Is it about hot chips from the fish and chips? Well, she's referring to fish and chips. Yeah. I'm going to ask Vaughn for a Google of the origin story. I was already on it.

I knew you were. You know me. I love my etymology. You do. I love edamame beans. Similar to chips. French fries. French fries.

So you're hot chips. Yeah, so cheap as chips. So she went to like a fish and chippy And it was ten dollars For a scoop of chips And she was like Now it sounds to me She went to one of those Chipperies

You know if you put A re at the end Of a fish and chip Oh yeah To charge more Yeah Fish and chippery Cause ten dollars

You wouldn't pay ten dollars For a scoop of chips here No Six That's absurd I haven't been to a Fish and chip shop in forever. I don't know.

You want a medal. Oh, wow. You want a medal for your gut health. Oh, I'm sorry. Chiseled Greek gorge. No, I'm just saying, like, I wouldn't know how much an average scoop costs now. I feel like six at the one where we go.

I think we go to the same one, Vaughan. Do we? Yeah. Fisheries. Oh, yeah, yeah. The community fisheries. Yeah, we, yep. That's mostly the one.

Fish and chip. Okay, so this is, so there's a story from 2022. Stats NZ said the average price of a piece of fish and chips was $6.38. That. No, what?

The average price of a piece of fish. And chips. You'd be lucky. Oh, no way. You're not getting fish and chips for $6.38. Wait, so that was five years ago and then in June it was $8.61.

And we're not talking Schnapper. No, you're talking anonymous fish of the day. Shark of the day. Well, she was saying, yeah, cheap as chips. Nothing's cheap. Then I was like, well, we should brainstorm cheap as, not chips. Nothing. But what's cheap these days?

That's what they're saying is cheap is nothing anymore. Cheap as air. Cheap as dust. Cheap is air. Cheap is dust. Cheap is bloody. Literally like there's nothing at the moment that you're like oh man they seem zucchinis are cheap. Yeah. Nothing's yeah. What's cheap? Well what about just

chips like you know like eating chips. No but a bag of snack of changis will set you back. Yeah if they're not on special. You're a fool if you're buying bagged chips not on special by the way. Oh, yeah. That's how they'll get you. Sometimes I'll go for a good chip.

Because sometimes the ones that are on sale are the ones that are like, you know, some home brand kind of thing. I don't really like a chip. But if I'm going to have a chip, I'm going to probably go for a big thick snack-a-changie or a Murphy's thick cut. Yeah.

And they're always more expensive. I don't know what's cheap anymore. What is cheap? Nothing. Mate, cheap is Sprout. I'm not cheap. Shit, that's a lie. You're very expensive to keep.

Yeah, nothing. There's nothing that's cheap. Did you see someone I saw yesterday, was it a Woolworths order maybe? And they had some supermarket brand overseas and they had found an order, you know in your history

you can see your order and you can go order again and they found one from two years ago and it was like $190 or something for their month of food. They ate quite simply. Month of food. And they were like, let's see what it is. And they just hit order again. And it was two years

and it was 400 and something dollars. What? It was like unbelievable. He was like, oh my gosh. That's insane. Yeah, over double. Sorry to kick the show off

on such a depressing, hard hitting. Okay, cheap is nothing. Cheap is air. Cheap is air. I mean, even the air is getting I mean even the air is getting expensive

and the air is getting poor as well and it's getting poor quality yeah the quality of air has gone down I don't know if we can say that either

okay cheap is nothing cheap is nothing yeah oh look at that that's a bargain cheap is nothing doesn't work though doesn't quite ring oh yeah

play ZM's Fletch Vaughn and Hayley the killers on ZM that song one of the first songs they ever wrote, 21 years old from the album Hot Fuzz, which is now 20. 20 years old, that album.

And The Killers just now receiving two Guinness World Records for that song. What are they? So, now this is, you know in the UK, that's like the unofficial UK anthem? Yeah. They absolutely love, I mean, we love it here in New Zealand, but in the UK, they lap this song. It lived in the UK, that's like the unofficial UK anthem? Yeah. They absolutely love it. I mean, we love it here in New Zealand, but in the UK, they lap this song up.

It lived in the charts forever, right? Well, it's still in the charts. So they have now the Guinness World Records certificate for Mr. Brightside for achieving the longest stay on the UK singles chart by a group, as well as the most cumulative weeks in the singles chart for one song. If it's still in there, why are they giving them the award? Because they'll just have to give it to them again when they beat it again. Well, I don't know.

So the song sits at 416 weeks, which is nearly eight years. That is mad when you think of the UK being like Queen and Rolling Stones, you know what I mean? And they've just kind of come out and been like, nah, us. Yeah. It's such a good song. How hard would it be to write one of your first songs and it be that one?

And then you're just forever trying to write songs. Yeah. Being like, what about Mrs. Darkside? You know? Yeah. And it's like, and they're like, no, we can't do that. Yeah. Oh, good for them.

But anytime that song comes on, I'm delighted. It's a great song. When they did their shows in New Zealand before the last lot of shows, they actually started with Mr. Brightside and the lights were up. To get it out of the way. To get it out of the way. Do you remember that? Yes.

Because I'd heard that that was going to happen and I was like, we cannot be late. Yes. And it was weird because everyone was like, oh, what? This is the first song? Play it again. Do it again. Did you see that while the Euros were on, they paused their concert.

They were in concert. They paused their concert for England to score. And then the moment, I don't think this was yesterday's game. It was a different one. Yeah, it was like last week. And then when England scored, they went, and they started playing Mr. Brightside and the crowd went crazy. They're also about to do a residency in Vegas at the Coliseum.

So if you're through Vegas later in the year, their anniversary for Hot Fuzz, that album. I've never seen them live. 20 years old. Amazing. Have I? Have I? Did they do a big day out?

No. No? Maybe back in the day they might have. No, I don't think they did. I think I'm thinking of Muse. Incredible life. According to the Daily Mail, Spotify's highest earning songs mapped globally is the article.

Mr. Brightside is the UK's biggest earner on Spotify with the Killers raking in more than £1 million in royalties. Which, in the scheme of things, is like... Oh, they did go to Big Day Out 2007. Yeah, I've seen the live. Did they? Yeah, I was at that one. Wow.

Oh, cool. Do you think that's overall one million pounds in royalties? That's like nothing, eh? Over 20 years. Over 20 years. Like, for royalties, that is nothing. That's nothing. Oh, God.

So unless you're like Taylor Swift or, you know, a big artist, you're not making any money off Spotify, are you? Oh, all the artists talk about it now, how much they've made. Didn't Snoop Dogg share a check or something that he got for

like drop a, what is it? Drop it like it's hot. I was like, pop it like it's hot? Drop it like it's hot. And it was like nothing. Yeah.

But that's one of the biggest songs ever. Top six is next. Play ZM's Fletchvor and Hayley from the panoramic ZM think tank. This is the top six. Hello there, King Charles, 75. He said he won't be returning to New Zealand.

Samoa? Tick. Really? What? Excuse me? He missed Australia. Samoa? Tick.

It'll be in October. Do you think he wants to get that Instagram photo Did he miss the Samoa? Tick. It'll be in October. Do you think he wants to get that Instagram photo by the hole in Samoa? He wants to go to the sewer trench. Yeah, he does, doesn't he? Of course he does. We've got lots of great photo opportunities for a king. It's great down there. Why, Tormor Caves?

I can't see him going to the rock thing. I can't see Camilla wanting to do that. He could jump off the Sky Tower. I can't see him wanting to do that. They sort of guide you down. It's not like a bungee. I know, but I can't. Kamala wanting to do that. He could jump off the Sky Tower. I can't see Kamala wanting to do that. They sort of guide you down. It's not like a bungee. Yeah, it's a guided jump. I know, but I can't.

He's not coming. And I've got the top six reasons why he's not coming. Other than the official reason. What's the official reason? Oh, yeah, what is the official reason? Busy, busy, wizzy. Cancer. But you're so close.

Yeah. How are you getting to Samoa? You might as well fly from New Zealand. Yeah. The official... Oh, right. That sounds bloody rich from him, actually. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Sorry. Understood. Sorry to hear it. Top six reasons King Charles isn't coming to New Zealand. Number six on the list.

We made too many sausage finger jokes. We did. Her capita. We made too many sausage finger jokes. We did. Her capita. We made more sausage finger jokes than any other member of the Commonwealth. We made, certainly on this show, made many jokes about his sausage fingers. References to the chubby fingers.

I can't unsee them now, though. Every time I see him, I look at his fingers. I'm like, pfft. Number five on the list of the top six reasons King Charles isn't coming to New Zealand. We ate too many sausages and he's worried about his fingers being eaten.

Yeah. So what you've done there is you've actually added to the number six. Added to the problem of number six. You're making another joke about his sausage fingers. We must cut it out. Okay. Number four on the list of the top six reasons King Charles isn't coming. Smith & Co is shutting down.

Oh, yeah. And he simply won't bring himself to shop at Farmer's. A bit snobby. A bit snobby. A to shop at Farmer's. A bit snobby. A bit snobby, yeah. A bit snobby. That is a bit snobby. For a Red Dot special. Yeah.

They still do Red Dot specials? Hell yeah, man. Oh, yeah, good. Every Thursday. Yeah. Oh, you got a Farmer's card? I always say no, but my wife does.

And then they put you in. And they'll say, what's her phone number? And I'll say her phone number, which I won't repeat now. Can you start saying my phone number? So I can have the purple?

No, no, not on air. I thought you meant just start saying it now. I was like, I don't know, you're off by heart. No, no, when they ask for your farmer's club card, that'll be, do me a favour. I don't want to. Up a sister out. There's nothing to gain.

Nothing in it for you. No. Me looking great when I get a $20 voucher and I buy a nice new top. No. Okay. You're not getting it. Not getting my main rewards points.

Number three on the list of the top six reasons King Charles isn't visiting New Zealand. Those roadworks on State Highway 1 at Tuckerninny. Oh, so many road cones. God, it slows down the area. Did you see the investigation?

You were away. Oh, yeah. But have you seen that there's an official investigation into New Zealand roadworks overuse of cones? We've got too many cones. Too many cones

because apparently it equates to this like massive budget. Oh yeah. Oh they're so expensive. So if they have to hire them

they have to hire them at a per cone per day price. Oh my god. And then they just sit out there for all this time. Yeah right.

It costs a fortune. God and kids are stealing them using them for their ashtrays at parties. Ashtrays? That sounds very anecdotal. It, right. It costs a fortune. Kids are stealing them and using them for their ashtrays at parties. Ashtrays? That sounds very anecdotal. That's not a good

ashtray. I used to hang out at this house and I don't know what they had on the bottom, but you'd just tap into the hole at the top. It's a tiny hole. No, they must have cut it, I guess. Maybe they put a plate on the bottom. And then everyone was dropping their ciggies. Yuck.

Yuck. Sounds like a fire hazard. It was a goth flap. Dingy Wellington goth flap. It was a dingy goth flap. Yuck. It was. Number two on the list of the top six reasons King Charles

isn't coming to New Zealand, the All Blacks bet England twice and he's packing a sad. Yeah. He's packing a big sook. And number one on the list of the top six reasons King Charles isn't coming to New Zealand, he always carries heaps of fruit in his carry-on and he doesn't want to get stung. Yeah, you get a $400. Is it $400 per fruit?

I've always wanted that. Could you have a bag of mandarins? But then what if you had a thing of grapes? Is it $400 per grape or per thing that the grapes are attached to? Per bunch. Per bunch. I just think it's across the board. I think it's at their discretion maybe.

Yeah. If they want to go per grape. I think if you've got a shitty attitude it'd be per grape. Yeah. But I think if you're really sorry

it would just be a flat 400 for all the grapes. Right. That's the day Subsex. Play ZM's Fletch Vodden Ailey.

Play ZM's I just had a little duet, me and Lewis. Yeah, I don't know if we do that. Just had a little duet. Do you know who's mad? If you want to do karaoke. Do you know who's mad that I did that? People recording it on the tape machine. Yeah, they're taping off the radio.

They are. They were already mad because Fletch was talking over the end of the song. Oh, God. We really stuffed it up. Now, do you know, I actually had this, I've got an article in front of me, and I had this discussion with my very own Myrtle, my mother, while I was overseas in Italy.

Is that the first one for the day? That's one. That's one. I can't remember what it was. I think we were talking about, because my parents have a project over there, they're renovating this place. And mum was talking about what she's doing with it. I was like, this is great. I said, oh no! Do you know what it was? It was, my mum and I bought bracelets. I left with it. I was like, this is great. I said, oh, no. Do you know what it was? Is my mum and I bought bracelets.

I left it in the airport in Nice, by the way. Yeah. But we bought bracelets. And then I said something about her bracelets that I wanted them. And she said, no, you can't have them. I said, well, fine. I'll wait till I rip them off your cold dead hand.

And then we started talking about inheritance. And my mum said, I hope you're not expecting anything. I'm going to spend it all. And I said, good, that's what I want. I don't want them to leave behind dead parent money. I said, that's fine. Live your life. I'll have a little bit of dead parent money.

But I don't want them going without. I don't want them thinking they have to. It's a thing at the moment. It's a thing at the moment. People are upset. They're calling it Ski, which is spending kids' inheritance. Yeah. Ski.

And it's boomers in particular that are sharing that they're taking this attitude that my mum said, which is like, I'm not leaving you anything. I worked hard so that I can live my life and have fun and I'm not leaving you a bloody dollar. I bought a house for $3 in 1979 and then I'll tell you how hard 20% interest rates were when I owed $5. But more and more people are doing it. And they're saying that they should be instilling in their children the idea that they've got to work for what they get.

Do you know how recently I found out how much my father-in-law gets for super? How much does he get? $1,000 a fortnight. No, it's not. Oh my God, let's cut that off. He's living by himself. let's cut that off. He's living by himself. Let's cut that off. Because my mum, oh no, is that different?

Is super different to what's the thing you get at 65? Yeah, the old person's benefit. Oh, is that that? Because my mum's 65 next year and we were talking about this and I said, how much do you get? She said it's like 300 a week. But not if you live overseas. Yeah, 300 a week, so 600 a fortnight.

But she's also got a part, she's still with your dad. Yeah. But you don't get it if you go overseas. You can be overseas for so long. Yeah, so they'll still be under. They're still under. Which, you know, if any other beneficiary goes overseas, they'll cut the benefit. So I'm just saying, if they're going to go

overseas, cut their super. Yeah. I'm on a real rampage against the beneficiaries in my life at the moment. My mother, my father, my father-in-law, my mother-in-law, and my mother-in-law partner. Only because you know that when we get to 65, there's not going to be anything left. There's not going to be any money.

It'll be means tested. It'll be means tested. It will be. It's wild that it's not now. Anyway, let's not get into that today. But also, yeah, I agree with you. Let your parents spend all their money. It's theirs.

No wonder they're spending it all. They're getting $1,000 a fortnight from the government. Maybe they could put that in a little savings account. Do you know what I mean? You spend what you earned from your hard life. How do you think we did at 65? We did at Disneyland last year. Super.

As soon as he started getting super, I just went into an account and he never touched it. I mean, I benefited. I got a beautiful holiday at Disney. And a lightsaber. Didn't get a lightsaber last time because I had to

buy my own lightsaber I said oh he's crossed his arms he's upset I don't know I like this and more and more people are sharing online

and you know that these boomers but boomers my parents are boomer too so slightly younger boomers 70 plus and then boomer 2 is 60 plus

right okay so in the 60s but they're sharing online being like I'm out here they're on cruise ships 70 plus and then boomer two is 60 plus. Right. Okay. So then it's 60s. But they're sharing online being like, I'm out here. They're on cruise ships. They're shopping. They're going out for dinner.

They're buying things. And they're like, I'm skiing, man. I am spending kids inheritance. I love that. They cut their benefits. Yeah. Next time that they talk about beneficiaries,

I'm going to be like, you're right. Old people are the problem. No. I'm going to go upstairs to Hosking and we're going to have some beneficiary bashing. Now we're going to be bashing two different types of beneficiaries because I'm bas to assume you're right. Old people are the problem. No. I'm going to go upstairs to Hosking and we're going to have some beneficiary bashing. Now, we're going to be bashing two different types of beneficiaries because I'm bashing old people.

Yeah, you're definitely coming at it different. Don't align with that, Vaughn. $1,000 a fortnight? That's crazy. But, you know, lucky them. It is tempting, though, when they die, just to put them in a big freezer and just keep that money, isn't it? Yeah, that's what I'm thinking.

Or don't let them know. No, there are stories overseas people do that. A bit of beneficiary fraud. They do. They like, an old person dies and they keep them. How do you say that about your parents? And it's also overseas there's situations where they don't have the government like super, but if they worked for a company, they get like a pension.

Yes. And as long as they're alive and they'll die, they'll die. And someone will just keep them alive. Beryl will just hoof Keith in the freezer and not tell them. Yeah, keep that pension a coming. He's 111 this year. That's wild. He's been dead for 30 years, but he's just in the freezer.

He's fit as a fiddle. So yesterday we learned that producer Shannon had gone on a cruise that was destined for Australia and then she got out early in New Zealand and technically it's not supposed to be in New Zealand, she's in Australia Yeah And then was it IRD believed

that you had been in Australia for the last seven months Yes And that you owed a bunch of money on your student loan because you'd been living in Australia Yeah, so I sorted it out with them, came in here la-di-da, told us all about it yesterday. Funny story, ha-ha-ha. And then Fletch said,

this is a bigger issue. You need to take it up with, who did you say? Department of Internal Affairs. That's where you get your passport from, isn't it? Exactly. So that the next time you travel, there's not a kerfuffle. Yeah. So I gave them a ring, listened to some lovely hold music.

Oh, what did you hear on? So they've gone to an instrumental now. There weren't any song songs. Oh, no. Sounds like they're saving money. Yeah. They've got the pan flute covers. Yeah.

Very pan flutie. You know when you get a massage and it's like pan flute covers? Yeah. Last time I had a massage, it was pan flute covers of Adele. Oh, that's distracting. And it was lovely and I was like, I know this song, but it's different. Oh, no, I want something sort of high-based. You should look for some pan flute Adele.

Wait, what? That was rolling in the deep. Pan flute covers of Adele. There'll be some good ones. I'll tell you what, there's some good ones. Hang on, before Shannon continues the story, we should have an underbed of pan flute Adele. This will take me back to being on hold, you know.

Does this feel familiar? This is more piano. It's a bit piano-based. Wait, let Leo Rojas. No, Leo needs to get straight to the pan flute. Here it goes, here it comes, here it comes. This is it, this is it. Oh my God, can someone come and rub my shoulders?

I'm in the mood now. Now, are you going to pay $5 extra for the oil? I'll pay $5 extra for the oil and the air. Always pay for the oil. Oh, I don't have a dry rub. You never dry rub. People that have a dry rub and save $4, it's like calm down. Suffer through it for the hour.

Yeah. Okay, so you're on hold to the Department of Internal Affairs. And I was watching Love Island at the same time, so I was kind of like one ear in Love Island, one ear with this, and then every time I got off hold, I had to pause Love Island real quick in case they heard like, I've been mugging you off. And I was like, sorry. Yeah, you've been mugging me off.

Sorry, government. So I finally get like, I hear the, you know how they give you, like, press one if you need this, press three if you need this. None of them apply. Skip two. Pardon? Oh, yeah, sorry. Two was something like that.

Very rarely does a phone menu go from one to three. I'd be like, I'd just press two to see what happens. Press one for general inquiries. Press six for this. Wait, wait, wait. The reason I talk about three is because none of them applied to me and then I was like,

I'll just wait and hold because then they'll just put me through. Continue to hold. When you're on hold and they're looking at a phone menu and they're like, press one for, and if you think one's the best option,

do you put up one finger when you're on the phone? Oh, yes. And then you'll be like, so you don't forget. Oh, yeah. Give you two. No, two's not for me.

Actually, three's more. Then I put up three fingers while I'm on hold. Or do you get impatient and think number one is me and I don't want to listen to the other five? No, I always wait to hear them because they might be really specific. Yeah, okay. And then I put up that amount of fingers. So when it gets to the end, I can be like, check the

fingers, push the button. Okay. Well, none of them applied to my weird situation. So I just kept waiting and then it said, you need to pick a number or we'll hang up. So I just clicked three. I didn't know what it was but I was like, I just need to speak to someone. So I wait again and then I speak

to this lady and I explain it all in one breath. I just kind of give her the story. Hi, I'm an illegal immigrant. Yeah. I got off a cruise ship and now they think I'm in Australia. I went with a magician and he pushed me back out of the country. And then I said, I don't know why, I was like, I'm 25 and I just feel like I'm being young and dumb.

I don't know why I said it. And then she stopped me and she's like, stop it. You're not young and dumb. It's okay to ask questions. That's nice. And then she's writing on you and she's on your file. She's like, young and dumb. Shannon, Auckland, young and dumb. It's okay to ask questions. That's nice. And then she's writing on your file, she's like young and dumb. Shannon, Auckland, young and dumb.

Magician, boyfriend, Christian Mark. Cruisers. Cruisers at age 25, Christian Mark. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Who is this woman? So basically, Department of Internal Affairs, all they confirmed was that I had a valid passport. So that was 40 minutes wasted.

You're like, I can see it. It's performance. Is it 40 minutes wasted if it's Adele in the background though? Yeah, true. So then... Give us a bit of that.

You guys are really missing it because you're not seeing Leo Rojas play. Oh, wow. Whereas I'm in the visual accompaniment of a very passionate Latino man. Is that an actual legitimate bamboo?

Or is that fake to look like bamboo? It's too shiny. It's real authentic. It looks plastic. It's beautiful bamboo. Okay, so... He's playing the hell out of it.

She recommended I call the immigration department. Oh, that's actually a better... Yeah. That's who you should have been calling. So actually, so what we're saying here is... I wasted... Let's waste this 20 minutes. Fletch has actually wasted your time.

So then I call immigration, same situation, none of the buttons applied, I was on hold, blah, blah, blah. There isn't a button for I got off a cruise ship early with a magician. I got off a cruise ship

with a magician. No, there's no... Two, seven. If you happen to get off a cruise ship early with a magician. See, that's why I wait for the whole thing

and then I'm like, seven fingers. That's me. At that point, I've run out of Love Island. I'm just stressed. I get put through to this lovely lady. I give her the spiel and she's like

I've not heard of this before. And I was like yeah I didn't think you would have. She said I've never spoken to someone who is a Kiwi who's calling to the immigration line. She's like you're not immigrating. But I've been told that I'm And I was like well I've just spoken to the Department of Internal Affairs blah blah, blah, blah.

And she's like, we can't help you because you don't have a visa, because you don't need a visa because you're here. She's like, all I can see is that legally you're still in Melbourne and I can't help you. See, you're in Melbourne. I told you, you needed to tell them that you're not in Melbourne. So she said you need to talk to customs because I never came back to customs. Oh my God. And I was like, well, this is a bit stressy. And she said, you need to talk to customs because I never came back to customs. Oh, my God. And I was like, well, this is a bit stressy. And she said, you know what?

I was sorry. I was just trying to find another Leo. So I said the 25 young and dumb line again. And she consoled me. She said, I'm 60 and I wouldn't know what to do. Women supporting women. Yeah. That's beautiful.

Yeah, it was lovely. If you had a man, he would have been like, yeah, dumb. So she suggested I email customs. Oh, yeah, scan of my passport, scan of my ID, and a letter saying I'm a magician's girlfriend and I'm stuck in Melbourne. I was on a cruise ship. I disembarked with a magician. Send all my pay slips and send all that to the customs email. I don't think you should send all of that straight away.

Well, that's what makes me nervous. And so I called my boyfriend, who at this point has no idea I've been down this rabbit hole. Sometimes it's just too hard to explain to him. And he's like, calm down. He's like, I've left the country since. It'll be fine. Stop. So I think I'm just going to roll the dice.

That's terrible advice. That's terrible. He has stuffed up there. It's terrible advice. They still, they've actually said to you, they think you're in Melbourne. Yeah, you need to get hold of customs. Don't send them all your crap initially. Send them an initial email saying what's happened.

So here's the issue and here's who I've spoken to. And then if they need more info, they can follow you up. Here you go. I've got an email. I'm sending it to the group chat. Or just call them today. That's your today. Get another episode.

Okay. Love Island will come out at midday. There's one thing Love Island does, it gives us plenty of episodes. Yeah, okay. To call. Okay, this is coming into the group chat. God, and that's terrible advice from the magician.

Yeah, actually. Terrible advice. He does great magic. Terrible advice. Update us tomorrow. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley. Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley. Silly little pose. Silly little pose. Update us tomorrow. How do you prefer to be asked out as today's silly little pole?

Because he's just one of the singletons, I guess. In real life? In real life. In real life? Yeah, it's because it looks like cute and flirty and stuff. Yeah, do you want to go around with me? Yeah! 80% of people said in person. Yeah.

So IRL. But there's still a heck of a lot of people that don't want to look someone in the eye. I know. And say, yeah, I'll go out with you. Yeah, but what if, this is how you prefer to be asked out. So what if you're tending towards saying no? Online's so much easier to say no than in person. Yeah, that's true.

Yes, yes, yes. Yeah. I asked Aaron out via text. That was the first. 20 cents. That would have cost 20 cents as well. It was 20 cents. Yeah.

Yeah. Unless it was $10 text Tuesdays. Yeah, I think I did wait for a Tuesday. Or you were both on Boost Mobile. Or a free text weekend. Yeah. I can't remember the details of it. I think it was 20 cents.

Right. But again, I remember being asked out face-to-face. It's real fun. I want a fair break. She's got the pot of a fair on the boil. Just waiting for someone to ask. Some feedback. Dan says, in person, please, but...

Excuse me. I just accidentally knocked myself out of the text. You're right, darling. In person, please, but if any of the team want to slip into my DMs, go ahead, or Riley's dad from Inside Out. Please can we have a huge sea puppy for that puppy? Okay, so Riley

is the protagonist of Inside Out. I'm going to have to explain this to Fletch. That's a cartoon. It's a cartoon. Does he still have a moustache? Because I haven't seen the sequel to Inside Out 2 yet. No! He looks like John Krasinski before he John Krasinski'd himself. You know what I mean? Like slim.

Yeah. Okay. No, I think they're into a moustache. They're into a moustache. Yeah. Interesting. Well done. Christy said online because they need time to process

rather than put on the spot in person. Okay. That's a good call. Yeah. As you say, it's easier if you stop, pause, think about it, and then say no. Stop, pause, engage. No, you've collapsed the scrum.

Reset. One more chance. Collapse it again. It's a penalty to England. That's right. That's right. Tara says, anyway would be nice. I ain't getting any younger.

Where are my Arscouts? Well, if anyone wants to ask someone out. She's not a minger either. I've just, I just leant into the computer screen. I only get a screen cap. I don't get to, I don't get access to the Instagram profiles

and this is probably a great example of why. Who's this? This is Tara. But I'm saying she's not a minger. Okay, that's good. I'm just going to, I'll be the second judge whether Tara's a minger.

Just holding for minger. Tara is not a minger. Okay, there you go. Okay. Must have a terrible personality. You must be really boring or something. Liana says online so you're not put on the spot. See, a lot of people are like,

isn't there conflict averse? Yeah, that's true. But the actual fact is Fletch, not everybody sleeps with everybody who asks. Wow. Wow, that seemed pointed at me, not everybody sleeps with everybody who asks. Wow. Wow, that seemed pointed at me, didn't it? That seemed really. Or was it for the room?

Oh. Interesting. I mean, maybe we judge on our reactions to that question rather than the question itself. Joel says, me and the high school friends made a pact in year 10 that it was too cowardly to ask a girl out over text and it had to be done in person. Proud to say I've never broken that promise to the year 10 lads. Yeah.

Oh, that's nice. It's like your mum. No, you've got to ring them. If you're going to pull out of something, you've got to ring them and say it. Oh, yeah, yeah. You can't just text and say, yeah. But yet, if you don't come to something,

you just message. Wow. I'm saying, babe, when do I not come to something? Yeah, that's true. I like that. Moana. That's true.

Moana said way easier to say no online than in person. Yeah, same thing. Lucille, the Gen Z urge. Lucille 2? Lucille 2. Or 2. 2. Okay, Lucille 2.

Suffering from taking a break from her vertigo. I hope she's sitting down. Lucille 2 says, the Gen Z urge to not interact in person means online, please. Also, it gives me a chance to compose myself before answering. Very Gen Z, eh? Very Gen Z. Very Gen Z. So there you go.

Play ZM's Fletch Vaughn and Hayley. We return to Shannon's hacks. Because she needs five stars max for Shannon's hacks. She doesn't get a proper jingle until she gets a five star hack. And we've been, the show's been littered with terrible hacks. Should we say bitterly disappointed? Bitterly disappointed. I would say it's as disappointing as seeing

on your social media feed a five minute hacks video where someone just fills something with concrete. And they always ruin something to make something. Yeah, really ruin something that could have been used for something else. Yes, yeah.

So that's what you're starting from, Shannon. Wow, very negative tone. Yes. Okay, but you're feeling really confident about it. You have a history. You do have a history. Yeah, you know, I'll acknowledge that, but today's a new day, and I'm feeling good.

This one particularly for Hayley and Vaughn I think will ring true. Why not for me? Well, Hayley and Vaughn are cool dudes. It's cool dudes with partners. Or for people drowning in debt. No, for people who love brown noise. Oh, okay. I thought you were going to say brown boys, and I was like...

Half of that. Yeah. So basically, we're all lovers of brown noise here We all play it to go to sleep And there are many negatives to listening to it On streaming services It messes with your Spotify rap You had a Don't Go Breaking My Heart

Play in the middle of the night for you one time Hayley It ruins your battery It drains it real quick It's just too much, right? Mm-hmm. But you need brown noise to sleep. You do. Well, if you go into your iPhone settings.

Okay, I'm coming. Search up background sounds. Where do you do that? Just search in settings. Oh, I have to search background. Where do I, now where's the search bar? Background sounds, yes, okay, and accessibility. So, in your phone inbuilt, there is brown noise, white noise,

ocean sounds, rain noises, and stream sounds. Where? Where are these? Yeah, I've found them. Click into it. I've found them. Sound, rain. I've gone audio and visual.

Background sounds, on. Where? Sound. Wait, which is brown noise, dark noise? Dark noise. Do you need me to come in the studio and help? No, don't. You've a little bit of it.

So not only, the reason I love this is because it can play just on your phone during the night. But what you can also do is have it play while you're on other apps. So while you watch Instagram Reels, you can have a bit of brown noise in the back. Rulling you back to sleep. To just chill you out before bed. So it doesn't stop. All I'm saying is so it saves your Spotify rap

You want to be watching TikTok or Instagram and there's brown noise This is playing while you're It's not brown enough. That's tanned noise. It's called dark noise. So it's darker. Brown noise is like There's lots of different ones That's not brown. Well, it's called dark noise, so it's darker. No, brown noise is like...

How do I stop this? There's lots of different ones, and then you can change the ratio when you're on TikTok or whatever to how much brown noise, so it doesn't have to be too overwhelming. This is brown noise. Yeah, that's brown noise. That's... And I play it on a bedside.

I play it on my bedside Alexa. I just say Alexa, play brown noise, and it'll play it nonstop. Well, not all of us have an Alexa. Yeah. I'll grow up and get an Alexa. I just say Alexa, play Brown Noise, and it'll play it nonstop. Well, not all of us have an Alexa. Yeah. I'll grow up and get an Alexa. I've just solved your problem. These aren't even hacks. I'm just telling you to grow up.

Grow up and get a bedside Alexa. It's great. Now, I will say, Shannon, I did not know that the iPhone had this function. Yes. That it had inbuilt noises. However, it's not a replacement for Brown Noise. But it saves your battery so you don't have to

charge your phone overnight because you're not streaming always charge your phone overnight there's no better time to charge your phone no mine's downloaded I'm not streaming brown noise it's all downloaded

the phone's still gonna get hot iPhones love to get hot no no no and the speaker crackles this is inbuilt the speaker crackles this is inbuilt after a little while

it means you're not gonna get struck by random kiki d in the middle of the night. Also, you shouldn't be on apps in bed hoping to go to sleep and just being like in the background being like, it's the brown noise that's going to do it. But in the meantime, I'm going to watch hours of reels. I'm going to up that brightness and get that blue light in there. Brightness down, blueness down.

I think this is good intel for people that don't want to use Spotify or whatever for their brown noise. 2.9 out of 5. Two stars. No, I'm giving it three. Three stars for me. Because I didn't know. Out of five.

Two for you. Two for you, but the brown noise is rubbish. Terrible, terrible noise. I will say, since I brought this up in the office, everyone's been doing it. Yeah, but listen to that. That's where it's at. Yeah, that's beautiful brown noise. That's beautiful. That's beautiful doing it. Yeah, but listen to that. That's where it's at. Yeah, that's beautiful brown noise.

That's beautiful. That's beautiful brown noise. You've gone sort of Italian brown. I'm talking, I want Africa brown. Do you know what I mean? I could hear voices. You know, I could hear voices in my brown noise the other night. What do you mean?

I was like half asleep. You know that weird half asleep state you get in when you're like really tired? Yeah. I could hear voices in the brown noise the other night. What do you mean? I was like half asleep. You know that weird half asleep state you get in when you're like really tired? Yeah. I could hear voices in the brown noise. What, like somebody

had walked near the brown noise microphone? It was just like, it was just this. Like Vaughn, you're a beautiful boy. No, it was like whispering. It sounded like someone

was whispering in the cupboard. You sure it wasn't your wife? Because you know, she loves wines in the cupboard. She doesn't want wine in the cupboard, but she was just beside me.

What were they saying to you? It was just like, burn the place down. Burn it all down. Was she saying, get me another bottle? Was that, fetch me another rose.

Oh God, I've spilled it on the carpet. He's going to hit the roof. Play ZM's Fletch Vaughan and Hayley. Play ZM. A lot of young travellers are sharing on TikTok what they think is the number one travel destination at any country you go to.

They are calling it a broad cultural experience. And that is to visit the supermarket in every country you go to. I mean, I do love doing this, but it's not like my number one thing. I just find it interesting. I didn't go to any. Oh, I went to one supermarket, but it's not like my number one thing. I just find it interesting. I didn't go to any. Oh, I went to one supermarket, but I didn't really think about it.

Like I wasn't like, oh, yeah, let's have a look around. I'm just like, oh, I wonder what kind of biscuits they have in this country. Chippies for me. Chippies. I like seeing the vodka in the supermarket. In the supermarket. Yeah, the spirits in the supermarket. Yeah, that's wild.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're always like, oh, yeah, you can just buy liquor at the supermarket. And they don't have liquor stores. Have you ever in America been into any of the drug stores? But they're on every corner. The Walgreens and the CVS and that. Yeah. And it's like there's all the medicines and all the vitamins.

And then there's all the two-litre bottles of booze. There's all the food. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's next level. Well, everyone's just, because like, especially you get to see the like different fruits the different sections the different prices yeah

if you're in like Asian countries they're great like Japanese supermarkets you get all the cool snacks and sweets and stuff yeah

and people are just saying like this is the number one this is like stop posting your photos of your museums and your churches go to the supermarket go to the supermarket

have a little look around and they're shooting videos of like oh my god we just arrived in Spain go to the supermarket, have a little look around. And they're shooting videos of like, oh my God, we just arrived in Spain, straight to the super for that. I mean, I've never, I like the UK supermarkets because they're like cheap and fun and lots of them are like laid out really well. But I don't know that I'd call it that.

They are laid out really nice. All the supermarkets laid out brilliantly. I appreciate a well laid out. But the really cheap food doesn't quite have the colour that you're used to seeing. Yeah, it's faded. Everything's faded in the sun. Everything's slightly faded. The contrast is out.

If I may sidebar, one of my local metro supermarkets has had like a bit of a reno, and they've now got double trolley barriers. You know how you go through when you go in and you get your basket? Click, click, click, click, click. Yeah, click, click, click. They've got double of those. So you Click, click, click, click, click. Yeah, click, click, click. They've got double of those. So you're like click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click. Are they like twice as long as the normal? Twice.

They're like seriously like nearly two metres long. That's awful. Click, click, click, click, click. Stop the shoplifters. Yeah, but why do you need? Lots of thieving. If I may sidebar your sidebar. Please continue.

Did you see the footage in West Auckland of the police officer, the off-duty police officer walking into the supermarket and he comes across as someone walking out of the supermarket with a full basket and he just grabs the basket and pushes the guy out of the way and carries the stolen groceries back into the store. I did not see that. Oh, it is.

It's sexy. It's sexy as hell. The sexy indifference to, oh, I can't be bothered with this paperwork, but give us that basket and piss off, mate. Yeah, yeah, piss off. Yeah. It's so good. Oh, okay, I need to watch that with this paperwork, but give us that basket and piss off, mate. Yeah, yeah, piss off. Yeah. Yeah. It's so good.

Oh, okay, I need to watch that. We'll show you in the break. Okay, great sidebar. Oh, great sidebar. So back to you to the sidebar and the sidebar there. And back to me with the main story. Well, this, I mean, there's lots of sort of odd things. Because I'm a bit predictable.

I love going to the odd museum. I went to a lot of churches when I was overseas. I love going to a beach. And I like to see some big tourist attractions, and then I'm good. Those are like your tourist attractions and the beaches. Those are what you expect when you go overseas. I want to know what are the odd things

that you have to see on your holiday. I do love like using metros, like train. Yeah, but that's sort of part of, that's odd enough for me. I want to think like the supermarket where you go, you've travelled all this way, and the highlight of your day is going to a supermarket and being like, look at the size of their bikinis.

In a foreign country. In a foreign country. Someone messaged in saying they always go to the supermarket on holidays, buy a supermarket brand shopping bag, and they bring it home for a super souvenir. Oh, so you've got like a little... You've got what, a Tesco? Aldi, Tescos, and a Sainsbury's.

Could you imagine someone doing that and they go home with like, I don't know, like a Woolworths bag or a New World bag? Embarrassing. And walking around London. Someone messages, I have to go to Ikea, wherever I go. If there's an Ikea, do you have it? But why are you going? You're not going to be able to buy furniture.

How are you going to get that stuff home? I'll show it back if it's good enough. No, but you can buy like, there's a lot of little stuff. We're just looking. That you can buy. And even just looking is insane. And the meatballs. But I mean, to get that stuff home? If it's good enough. There's a lot of little stuff that you can buy. And even just looking is insane. And the meatballs. But when's our Ikea? Okay, people are already doing that. What about...

I love this too. Go to Maccas in other countries. When I first started travelling when I was like 17 years old I think it was like Switzerland maybe they sold booze. At the McDonald's. At the McDonald's. Wow. That soon got cancelled.

That was all. Right. That ended. But you go and then you're like, oh my God, what is this burger? This is inspiring for me to go back overseas. We should just take another break. Fletch, Fawn and Huntley, we'll see you soon. Play a song.

Let's go. I still can't afford to go overseas. Oh damn. That's right. I've got more jobs to do. We're hearing the odd things that you must do when you travel because young TikTokers are saying you've got to go to the local supermarkets. It's a cultural experience in any new country.

It is definitely fun. And people are like, hell yeah, and we want to know the odd places you have to go. Have you been to a Walmart when you've been in America? Walmart, once. It's pretty nuts. Literally, there'll be like rows of guns and ammo

and then like kids toys. The guns and ammo, we'll give it to the one we went to. It was in California, so it might have been a bit more liberal maybe, but they were all behind a,

they were all behind a, Oh, really? A check-in. That was still there. That was still there, but they were behind a little bench. Yeah.

When I travel with my partner, he insists we go and see all the old art, the old inset artillery pieces that city had to defend itself against Nazis. The Japanese. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like the little viewing things.

Lots of those around. Like in Devonport. They've got some in Devonport and Auckland. All the old artillery. It's kind of scattered around Auckland, actually. There's one in Te Atatu.

Yeah. There's one out towards Mission Bay. I don't think they would've done anything, would they? I love that someone messaged in. I'm not judging. We've got a hard rock cafe in Te Atatu. Yeah. There's one out towards Mission Bay. I don't think they would have done anything, would they? I love that someone messaged in. I'm not judging. We go to Hard Rock Cafe in every single country. Oh, yeah, okay.

God, it's expensive. But they're always expensive. They're so expensive. They did buy a souvenir shot glass. They said we've got 40 souvenir shot glasses from different Hard Rock Cafes. That's quite cool. Neither my husband and I drink spirits, though,

so they just sit there. Oh, okay. Shelly, what is the thing that you have to do when you travel? The place you must visit? We like to have a workout at all the local gyms.

Oh, cool. You're a bit of a pest, are you? Bit of a pest. Go for a look-see, look-see. No, she's going to work on her physical health. Well, it's good.

It's interesting to see like the different layouts and stuff. In one of the gyms when we were in America, we called public transport in San Francisco to some dodgy part

and then we couldn't figure out how to get back. So we ran partly for fitness but partly because we were fearing for our lives. And did they have like different like workout machines or something?

Were you just like? We kind of went to all the gold gyms as well. Yeah, cool, cool, cool. Oh yeah, they're like famous, aren't they? Yeah.

And they've got big machines. And also Venice Beach as well, that was cool just to see the atmosphere and the... See, I would find

going to Venice Beach or gold's too intimidating because they're big muscle gyms. Yeah, what were they... What kind of class of folk were at the gyms? Were they hotties?

There was a mix of hotties and people just working out, I think, just the people watching them. So we kind of just did a little bit of people watching us. Yeah, nice. It's a good mix of hottie bingers. Shelley, thank you. Susan, what must you visit when you're overseas somewhere?

Oh, I think somewhere really interesting to go is old cemeteries. Sounds a bit morbid. You know, you are not the only person to message or text us in because so many people go to old cemeteries. What's the best country that you've been to with, you know, the cemeteries in Prestia? Well, probably either Ireland or the UK because you go and see these graves

and they've got markers that say, I don't know, 1502 and things like that on them and all the old Celtic sort of symbols. We went to... It's really interesting. We went to Glasgow and I couldn't sleep

because of the time difference and I went for a walk and came across like an old cemetery and yeah, the oldest one I found was from 1294. Wow. Which is insane, right? That's insane.

Isn't it? And in New Zealand, we think if we see an old one, it might say... 1800s. Oh, I don't know. Yeah. 1996.

Yeah, wow. Susan, thank you. Some messages in. Yeah, quite a few cemeteries. People saying they're just an interesting sort of like telling of time. Yeah. Someone said, in Slovenia they have bars at petrol stations.

It doesn't feel like a great mix. So, pulling over for 20 litres in the car and a litre for me. Pull into your car. That's no good. No, actually, that happened to me in Italy driving. There was literally the service station had a fridge of beers. And I was like what? How odd.

For the passengers. For the passengers. You'd hope so. If possible I have to find a Christmas shop and buy my mum a Christmas themed

knick knack. Oh that's cool like a little something for the tree. Yeah. What if it's like June? Good luck to you. Yeah good luck.

Good bloody luck to you. Pharmacies. Always love going to a pharmacy. The French have exquisite pharmacies. Do they? Okay.

I was actually just in France. Mark it there. The producers are actually keeping a tally of how many times you say you've been overseas. In Japan, you've got to do a tour of the vending machines. Oh, yeah. And you've simply got to look because you can just never predict what it's going to be vending.

You can also just eat from them. You could just have a nice hot meal. Yeah. You can get just eat from them. You could just have a nice hot meal. Yeah. You can get a ramen from it. Soups and stuff. Yeah. A lot of people go into hardware stores. It's odd.

What are you getting? I would love to go to one. I mean, it's fun to go to a Miner 10 or a Bunnings. Imagine how fun it would be overseas. There's one in America, the Lowe's. Lowe's. So huge. Right.

It's like anywhere though. Some things are cheaper But some things aren't Public toilets My 10 year old son Checks out restrooms Soap dispensers Types of toilets

Hand dryers Paper towels Okay Alright You know It's an interesting hobby I was going to say George Michael

But he's only 10 He's only 10 No George Michael Has not texted into the show This morning Somebody said I went to a Paris cemetery It was just bloody amazing

Writers, pilots and celebrities everywhere Oscar Wilde's there Jim Morrison From the doors Yeah and he reeks of weed at his grave Because everyone

goes there and smokes weed A doobie doo Yeah A doobie doo They have a little doobie doo Chopin's buried there Scooby doobie doo

Yeah Markets Love going to markets. Oh, yeah, markets are great. Oh, yeah, I love a market. But that's standard. That's a bit of a tourist attraction. No, I'm sorry, that's standard.

I love a market. Nothing makes me happier than Hayley at a market. Somebody said, I love if you've got a hired car driving through, you Google the roughest area of that city that you're in, and then you drive through and just be like, this is rough. It's a bit of like sort of privilege. Yeah, lock the doors.

Like, what are you, is there a risk factor? There's a bit of adrenaline. I mean, I've done that accidentally taking the wrong off road, off ramp in America. I've done that too. And I was like, where am I?

I got a train to the X Games with my brother when we were in LA. The X Games? Hold on just a minute. Yes, I feel like it's just wild. You've never told us about the time that you went to the X Games. You went to the X Games with my brother when we were in LA and we... Hold on just a minute I feel like it's just wild you've never told us about the time that you went to the X Games. You went to the X Games

Yeah, there was a band there and my brother liked them and my brother's... Was it Real Big Fish? No It was like a punky band or something and then my mum, I was 16 and my brother would be 19, my mum let us go on a train to the X Games

and we got off at the wrong station and we were like in the hood. I was like, ugh. So that was a bit scary. I don't know that I'd be driving around. Purposely. In my car. Yeah, no.

Especially like, what do you wear? I don't know. Someone said, my husband Googles when we get to a new city if anything's ever been filmed there and then we have to go and see it. Oh, that's good. That's a and see it. Oh, that's good. That's a cheap day out. Yeah, that's good.

And you get your photos and then you get your screenshots from the film or the TV show I was in and you put it up on Facebook and you're like, oh, familiar? Yeah. Yeah. Good stuff. What's behind me? Try and guess.

Recognise that? Full house. Yeah. Full house. It's a full house house. You guessed full house pretty quickly. Yeah, you were. It was super quick.

Play. ZM's Fletchvorn and Hayley. Full house It's a full house house You'd guess full house Pretty quickly Yeah you would It's super quick Okay There is an OnlyFans creator She is called Bonnie Blue She claims already this year She's slept with 200 men Okay No judgement from me Get it Do you know what I mean

But that's more than one a day Yeah Is that right Ish Yeah it would be because... Yeah, yeah, yeah. We'll let that go into the logistics of how that can happen. Yeah, let's not break it down. Oh, yeah, yeah. Actually, we could have some group stuff.

That's what I was going to... Yeah, yeah. Insinuating, and I'll just spout it out for the listener. We don't need to insinuate. Let's spell it out. Not for me, thank you. Too much. Do you know why? It's because you're scared that you're going to be the one sitting on the corner of the bed. Oh, I'll be finished first, Let's spell it out. Not for me. Thank you. Too much. Too much admin. Do you know why?

It's because you're scared that you're going to be the one sitting on the corner of the bed. Oh, I'll be finished first. So I assume I'll have to do something to fill in the rest of the time. You'll be there and be like, no one's giving me any attention. But I'm just going to give the kitchen a wipe. That's why they put that chair in the hotel. So you don't have to sit on it. Yeah, because I've got a bad back. Bad back.

You need a good solid chair, but a good view. Yeah. Anyway, so Bonnie Blow, she also does OnlyFans, other than also on top of sleeping with lots of people. She does OnlyFans and is like one of the top creators in the UK. She's from Nottingham. It doesn't say how much she makes. It would be so much money.

Not in this article, but I can, I'll follow her. Okay. I'll follow her on OnlyFans and we'll find out. Report back. Okay. I'll report back. She has given her assessment on why men

in particular your boyfriend or your husband are subscribing to her and giving her their money to enjoy her services One of them

no secret women moan a lot She says no secret women moan a lot Bourne would you like to comment on this? And not moaning in a hot way. Not if I want to sit in that chair, I won't be moaning about it. She said, what women don't understand is that all that moaning,

very unattractive, and making men look elsewhere for fun and pleasure. She says... She should have been doing this because now the partner's going to be like, is that why? And the guy's going to have to be like... Listen to this. All they're nagging about, pots not being done, to be doing this because now the partner's going to be like, is that why? And the guy's going to have to be like, yeah. Listen to this. All they're nagging about,

pots not being done, is resulting in me being, I can't finish the rest of the sentence, is the result of me being inundated with men. She says also that women are terrible in bed, that we've gotten lazy,

especially as we get older, we become lazy and we think that a pillow princess performance will keep our husbands happy. When in bed, that we've gotten lazy, especially as we get older, we become lazy, and we think that a pillow princess performance will keep our husbands happy, when in fact, that is not it at all. Okay. In fact, women in general are terrible at sex. So, and that's why she thinks that people are coming to her. She says that we're just, we're just, oh, we're doing nothing but moaning about the

dishes, and then just laying there in the bedroom. If 2020 told us, 2024 total's anything, it's that you gotta... Oh. Spit on that bone. You get that? Born Alan Smith. Do you know what?

I was at, like, the third nighters in Italy. That's my third mention. The third nighters in Italy. I don't know. I am five. That's actually your fifth mention. The third nighters in Italy, I was at a party

and I heard someone going, you gotta give it that. Huck to it. Spit on that thing. And I was at a party, and I heard someone going, you've got to give it that hoc tour and spit on that thing. And I was like, wait, what? And it was this old Italian dude. I was like, oh, my God. Oh, my God. What is the internet? Truly viral.

Anyway, so if you don't want your man to cheat, get better at shagging. Yeah. And quit all your moaning. All this yappy, yappy, little moaning. Cut it. That's her advice. Play Sam's Fletch for the Daily. yappy little moaning cutting. That's her advice. I reckon I haven't been to the gym for like

three months if I'm being honest because I stopped when I got real busy and then I just need my back. Life gets busy. Just got to get Christmas out of the way and I can get the back there. Yeah. So I went on holiday and as we mentioned yesterday I noticed that there's a lot of And I can get back there. Yeah. So I went on holiday.

And as we mentioned yesterday, I noticed that there's a lot of hotties in the world. And I remembered, it sort of came back to me. I used to be one. And I just, it all came flooding back, seeing other hot people. I was like, oh my God, my old friends. I used to be one of you. And then I started working at Breakfast Radio

and I got tired. Yeah. yeah worn out yeah that's the stuff that's the stuff that's the good stuff and it re-inspired me a bit to return to my

who I really am which is a very very hot woman so yesterday I think you're hot regardless Vaughn wouldn't you say you'd agree wouldn't you

he's very good hot regardless Vaughn over here Vaughn me Vaughn Vaughn Vaugh. Vaughn, over here. Vaughn. Me. Vaughn. Vaughn.

Yeah. Bit of this. Vaughn. I don't even think it's for him. Bit of that. I'm not ready for me. Are you kidding me? Blind man. We're dealing with a blind man.

Anyway, we'll just see you wait, Vaughn, because I'm on Project Hot again. And part of it was I got a new trainer and I went to the gym yesterday. Wait, so who's your new trainer? Online. Megan, trainer. You don't need a trainer. I do because I piddle around. This is a controversial opinion.

No, I sort of just want to plan. Before the internet. Here we go. The PT's going to be like. No, I just need accountability. And to someone to say like, this is what you need to do on this day. Oh, it helps me. Very submissive.

So you didn't grow up with mothers. I am a bit of a sub. You didn't grow up with mothers like ours. I did, but it was more music based. Music based accountability. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You just didn't say you had any goals or anything around my mum. I wish she'd be like, how's that going for you?

Oh, no. Neg you constantly. No, no, no, no. I didn't. Yeah. Anyway, so I went back to the gym yesterday and I was all motivated and I'd put together my gym bag and all my headphones all charged. Make sure, because you know me, if the headphones are dead, I'm out.

I'll just get back in the car and go. Oh, that's horrible. I'll just go. What do they call that? Rawdogging now. On planes. That's what they call it. Rawdogging on planes.

I couldn't rawdog the gym. I've got to distract myself from the absolute punishment of putting this old, creaky, fat bod through. Exactly. Everything hurts. It's heavy. Anyway, so I did that and then I put on my tights, which I guess this has happened once before.

I'm wondering if it's time for new gym gear. Okay. Because I did that thing where I pulled them up. You guys might not know this, but tights are tight. Very tight. You got those arse lifting tights? No, I don't have them my ass is gone by the way I got a side view sorry that used to be my pride and joy it is absolutely melted you should get some of these tights no I'm gonna get the real thing okay anyway so I put on these tights and then I like you gotta wake them up right like that And the moment I did, two fingers went through the tights

and just ripped holes. Like when you're pulling the rubbish bag out of the rubbish bin. Yes, yes. And it's too heavy and someone's stuffed too much rubbish in there. She was just putting on a different big black sack. I was putting on a different big black sack. And it was all worn through and eaten by rotten food. Oh, yeah.

And my finger went straight through. And then it was just, I had an oversized T-shirt. I was like, no problem. That'll cover it. It didn't. It was just hanging underneath. And then my, like, thigh was hanging out the whole. And I was like, right, that's fine.

I'll just have to, you know, act confident and no one will look at it. And there I am in this hucky gear, the big ripped hole, the big circle thigh. Yeah. And then I went down and I did have a panic because I finished and I went down and I saw Fletch when I'd come down from the ladies only gym. And Fletch was there, hanging like a monkey.

It was odd. I was stretching from the bars. I was having a little stretch. You were having a little stretch like a monkey. What does that stretch? Your back, your shoulders? My arms, my shoulders. Anyway, I went down specifically to show him my hole. And I put my fingers through it.

And I was like showing him the hole. Not the first person that's popped downstairs to specifically show Fletch that hole. At Lee's Mills. Wow. That's defamation. And I'll see you in court. Oh, no. It's camera proof.

I went down and showed Fletch my hole. It was bad. So then I just got home and I chucked them straight in the bin. It's camera proof. I went down and showed Fletch my hole. It was bad. So then I just got home and I chucked them straight in the bin. It was weird. Do you know when you see someone where you don't normally see them? It took me a second. I was like. She's back.

Hayley. At the gym. That's reserved for when you see teachers out of school, not your work mate at the gym. That's what it felt like. It was just this different environment and she was dressed different. I was just like, what's happening here? Back at the gym, it was good.

And I do want to say, you know, talking about being mingers in New Zealand. And yesterday we did call the entire nation of New Zealand a back mingers. You did an editorial. Yeah. Because overseas we realise that everyone's hot. Yeah. I went downstairs to show Fletch Mahal and I did notice on the gym floor a ton of hotties. Yeah.

And so I almost, I'm apologising to the nation for saying that you're all mingers, every one of you. I said the lot of you, I believe.

Yeah, you did. Yeah. Not mingers. I mean, were you simile with your joint? I know, and then me minger

coming down with my ripped holey tights and, you know, day one back and looking rough. So, new gym gear then? Oh, you know, day one back and looking rough. So, new gym gear then? Oh, oh yeah, and permission

to shop. Absolutely. I'll go shopping. Permission to shop, yeah. Alright, yeah, I do need new gym gear. Or just like a bit of duct tape. Do you know what I did think? If I had a vivid, I could colour in the thigh. Yeah, colour in the hole. Yeah, that's good.

But I didn't have a vivid on hand. 7 and a half years ago, I started building a barbecue. You know, you can just buy them. I've done that. I've actually since started that barbecue, purchased three other barbecues. Yeah, great.

But this is a different sort of barbecue fletch. It runs off wood exclusively. Yeah, I'm not into the barbecuing world and, you know, they have those big meat festivals and barbecue. But there's a different barbecue for different kinds of, there's smokers and coal. We've got a pellet smokers. We've got a pellet smoker.

Charcoal. Charcoal. Charcoal is toxic and will kill you. Oh, shoot. Yeah, you can't cook with the smoke of coal. Okay, that'll explain why those sizzlers were very... Really ashy. Green and ashy.

And a little petrally hot. And the cheese inside had gone black. Yeah. Cheese should not be black. That'll do it. Blank cheese. So seven and a half years ago, I did the maths on it when we finished it the other day, Chris and I, who I didn't know at the start of this, and now I would consider him a friend.

Wow. So why did you want to buy it? Why did you want to build it? Sorry. Because, I don't know, to say I had. Right. And what's it made out of, this barbecue? It's made out of An old

Big air compressor tank Okay Oh yeah Which is like pill shaped Yep And then we cut it And made one part Where you light the fire

And the other part Where the meat sits And gets smoked Hang on a sec He said we cut it Well no I did Because that was the other Probably why it took so long

Is because there was Quite a few days Chris was like You wanted to learn How to do this So you've got to do this I was like I sort of wanted you how to do this, so you've got to do this. I was like, I sort of wanted you to just do it.

You do the welding. You're better at the welding. So did you do the welding? I've done a fair bit of welding. A fair whack of welding. Have you? It's hard not to panic when you pull the trigger on something and you're wearing a visor that you can't see a goddamn thing out of and then this bright light kicks in and then the visor starts doing its thing.

Oh, I don't like this one. And then it's like and then the metal is so hot it's melting. No, you're not built for this. No. I'm worried. We need Chris to be doing that. But then I did some welding and Chris did most of it. Chris tidied up a lot of the welding. Okay, that's good. Makes me feel better. But yeah, and then, I mean,

life got busy. Lots happened. I remember when we started Chris said, I'm having a baby. And now that kid's like seven years old. Jeez. Which is always a really weird way to, and he's moved and I've moved. So what motivated you to come back to it now and get it done? How embarrassing it is when people ask me, what ever happened to that barbecue you were building?

Yeah, Prime. Oh, because you put it online that you were doing it. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But then we got busy. But then I said to him, look, I've got two weeks off. I know you're a busy man. You tell me and I'll be at your place in 20 minutes. Yeah. And let's just get this bloody thing done. Oh, okay.

And then, yeah, last Friday, Saturday, we finished it. Now, is it going to blow up? It can't blow up. Okay, good. There's nothing in it. It's not a gas. No, there's no gas. Okay, good. There's no gas. It's just primarily you light a fire in the little box on the end. And then the smoke goes up and then goes around and then out the chimbley.

Okay. So what is your first bit of meat going to be? Sizzlers. I think it's going to be pulled pork. Sizzlers. Because pulled pork's easy. What about chicken nibbles? Chicken, yeah.

It's not really a chicken nibbles. You could do chicken nibbles. But I'd rather just chuck chicken nibbles on the charcoal barbecue or the pallet smoker. Yeah, right. It'd be nice to be invited around, wouldn't it? God, it would be. It's actually been ages. I don't want too many people to be there the first time. You'll remember the hungy incident.

You will remember the hungy incident of 2020. Yeah, that was all. And all went piss poor I've had a big sock and then just got way too drunk Before the food was finally cooked in the oven After it came out of the ground As raw as it went in As raw as it went in

I'm embarrassed I'll have a couple of warm ups and then maybe No you try it on us I think it'll be nice I don't even care about the meat I just sort of want the spa and the wine Spas on and off Oh for god's sake You trade on us. I think it would be nice. I don't even care about the meat. I just sort of want the spa and the wine and that. You know what I mean? Spas on and off.

Oh, for God's sake. The hay bump thing is just like, today I'm going to work, today I'm not going to work. What use are you to us? What service do you provide us? I don't know. Cuteness. Cheekiness. Waning, though.

Cuteness is waning. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley Fact of the day Day day day day Yeah This week at Fact of the Day, we're covering weird eating records. This one is so gross. Oh, no.

How much do you think in five minutes, what do you think the record is for eating 28 ounces of butter? I can put that into... How many grams is that? I think about 800 grams. Oh, yuck. Yeah, 800 grams of butter. So a block, the better part of a block and a half of butter.

How long would that take you? Okay, that's not as bad as I thought. Is it room temp? Oh, good call. Yeah, no, that's a good call because if it's room... I've got soft teeth. I'd be careful. The butter's not going to...

But a refrigerated butter's not going to break your teeth. It'll slide right through it. Look at Wiggly. You eat apples. Yeah, I do too. Okay, I'll be all right. Oh, not long. This is salted American butter.

Yum. Can I pour sugar on it? No. Can I whip it with sugar? Oh my God, like when you're making a new... I don't know. A minute. Oh no. Is that too long? Way more than that. Way more than that. and you just I don't know a minute I don't know

is that too long way more than that way more than that from a hard block I don't know if it was soft though I'd be like it would be disgusting

oh yeah but then you'd be working through it you'd have to get it down that's my favourite is when you finish like a really good pastry

and your mouth's just like coated in butter oh no you're gonna have to tell us. It's your fact of the day. Don, what I wanted you to guess. It took five hours. No, it took five minutes, because he had five minutes.

The rule is if you want to attempt the world record of butter eating, you've got five minutes to eat as much butter as you can. What's that? That's going to be a runny poo, isn't it? Oily. It's going to be an oily poo. It would be. It would be oily, fatty.

So five minutes to eat a block and a half of butter Now you think that's easy but the more you think about it the more you think how ridiculous that is

Yeah to be able to do that This man Don Lerman he's a competitive New York eater He holds some other eating records as well

What's he got? He ate six pounds of baked beans in one minute 48 seconds What does this man look got? He ate 6 pounds of baked beans in 1 minute 48 seconds. What does this man look like? Give us a minute. That's 2.7 kilograms of baked beans.

Imagine the toots after that. In 1 minute 48. He just drank those beans. He ate 11 burgers in 10 minutes. As this article says, that's a lot of bread. It's a bit sad. It's a lot of bread.

But the one I think everyone's the most blown away by is the butter. And it's one of those ones that people think, I could do that and then attempt and are just like, I was wrong. Yes. Yeah, that's what I thought when you said it was just a block and a half. I was like, yeah, man, I could get that down in five. You'd have the first tablespoon and be like. Yeah, you would.

You'd take the first bite and be like, this is terrible. Yeah. I've got a picture here of Don Lerman. Just to pull up for you guys. It'd be good if it was in those American sticks. Then you could just. Oh, yeah. Soften.

Okay. Just an average looking guy. Yeah. Who eats 11 burgers and just. I'd like to know his cholesterol level. Let's get his cholesterol level. I believe he's still alive. There's nothing here that says he's passed

He's 75 years old now It goes to prove to you Genetics Genetics plays a massive part It's like when you see a 104 year old Chinese man Smoking cigarettes And they're like how many of those do you smoke He's like I'm never not smoking one

How old are you? 104 And he drinks whiskey And you're like okay What about his gut health I'm never not smoking one. How old are you? Yeah, 104. And he drinks whiskey. Yeah. And you're like, okay, well, what about his gut health? Who cares? He's alive.

Yeah, he's cranking. He's alive. The day he quits smoking is the day he dies. So today's Fact of the Day. And, I mean, school holidays, you know. If you're listening and you want to try this and you've got two bloods. Born. Absolutely not. Don't promote that to our child listeners.

That's not what we're saying. Our child listeners. It sounds like child soldiers. And good morning to our child listeners. Listeners. And good morning to any child soldiers who are listening. Yep. Yeah.

I hope you guys get out of that horrible situation unscathed. So today's eating record for fact of the day is in 2002, Don Lerman broke the world record of butter eating by eating 798 grams, just show that, of butter. Fact of the day, day much closer, but you do. You actually can get quite closer. Okay, there was a fella. He owns a Mini Cooper Little Mini Cooper car

Oh yeah, okay And learnt a very What was that for? Well, we know someone that owns a Mini Cooper Yeah You were just saying We know someone who owns a Mini Cooper Yeah, yeah, yeah

That's how Mini Cooper people wave to each other Right, yeah Anyway, so this Mini Cooper driver Made a terrible mistake. Went, lifted up the bonnet and went to replace the washer fluid, which, by the way, we need a bigger vat for that. Mine's always hot. Mine's constantly dry.

Constantly running out. In fact, I think it's empty now. Which just should be something you do when you fill your car up while you're waiting. Pop the bonnet, fill it up. I know, but not all the places have that complimentary canister of water. The complimentary watering can. Yeah, I'm not, the places have that complimentary canister of water. The complimentary watering can. Yeah, I'm not, what am I going in and

buying a pump bottle and putting mineral water in there. No, no, no, no. Surely everyone has a complimentary water bottle. No, they don't. Don't they? Nah, Costco have cut everything out that's, they don't even have, yeah, you can't check your oil. If you do, there's nowhere to buy oil. You've got to go into the store.

It's a whole thing. And where I get mine, it's self-service. There's no extras. It's not even a rubbish bin. She lives in a very rough neighbourhood too. They can't leave any watering cans out of it. Very rough neighbourhood. Oh, yeah, because someone will... The local gardeners will steal them.

I live in the ghetto. Turned it into a toilet. Yeah, the ghetto of Auckland. Yeah. Anyway, so this guy lifts up his bonnet to replace his washer fluid. He gets... He's got a little bit of a detergent in his. Bug off. I prefer not to.

Does he get a bug off? Oh no you bug off. You get a bug off. No I just raw dog with water. No. A one cap of bug off. You're like bugger off bug off. Look look look look look. Love a bit. So much. But is it foam? Yeah. What you want? I don't like that.

You want a perfect amount but you need enough because sometimes a bug will splatter on your windscreen and you need to get water along. No, I know. Water won't get off. I just put water from the tap. But I do live in the ghetto. That is why your Mazda window has a film to it.

It does have a film. It's got a dirty film. It does have a film. Well, he got his washer fluid, which was like a mixture of, you know, suds and whatnot, and he put it into what he thought was the washer fluid hole, but it wasn't. It was his oil hole. Now, those are very clearly labelled.

They're so clearly labelled. The oil thing has an oil canister on it. Yeah. And then you pop that and that's where you put your oil. He put the washer fluid in there, takes off from wherever he is, and he starts getting the smell and hearing a sizzling noise.

Yeah, that would be... Look what happened to his car. This brown sludge kind of started cooking. Well, it would have mixed with whatever oil was in there. Yeah, we've got a real mess on our hands here. Oh, my God, look at that. It burned through his car. Yeah, that would happen.

Oh, my God. And it absolutely stuffed it up. And he went, had to, you know, get it towed. It stopped. Oh, he's going to have to get a Volkswagen Polo now. Get rid of the Mini Cooper and get a Polo. Yeah, get a Polo. So he went to a mechanics and said what had happened.

And the bill, where was it? It was thousands. Thousands to get it fixed. Oh, really? He needed a new motor. Pretty much. Yeah, he absolutely stuffed the car. Yeah.

Now, when I was, I hate to say it. Last year? When I was in Italy. I went to a. She just mentioned Italy again. When I was in Italy- Seven? How many times is that, Carwin? Six.

It's six. When I was in Italy recently, I went to a restaurant- Does that count as three or we just count it as one? No, this is one. This is one story. When I was in Italy recently recently enjoying the beautiful Italian summer, I went to a restaurant and the waiter was grumpy

and I was like, why is he so grumpy? And someone I was with knew him and they said, oh, he just went to the petrol station where someone did the petrol for him and put petrol in his diesel car. Oh, no.

And then as you drive off, apparently it just goes and putters and it was on the side of the road and you had to get it towed and it snuffed. You've got to get it sucked down. And all Italians drive, they like to drive fast like Mario and Mario

can't. They drive so fast. And they go, wee! It's-a me a Mario! It's-a me a Mario! Dude, people must have done that all the time because you've worked at a service station. Well, this is what I want to know. How bad did you stuff up your car?

Because people make these kind of mistakes all the time. Put the wrong thing somewhere else or they try to Well, this is what I want to know is how bad did you stuff up your car? Yeah. Because people make these kind of mistakes all the time, put the wrong thing somewhere else, or they try to like self-fix. I remember driving along the Rimutakas in Wellington once, and I heard this like sound, and I was like, what is that? So I turned my music up because it was annoying me. And I pulled up to my best friend's house, and her husband was like, holy crap, Ailey.

And that whole mud guard thing had come down and was dragging on the concrete, you know, behind the wheels. Oh, behind the wheels. In front of the wheel? In front of the wheel, wherever it is. And I was like, oh my God, oh, is it behind the wheel? And I said, oh my God, and I pulled it to get rid of it, but it took like a whole bunch of other stuff with it.

Then I really stuffed up my car and had to get it all replaced. Okay, so you want to know the times. How badly you I really stuffed up my car and had to get it all replaced. Okay, so you want to know the times. How badly you, you stuffed up your car. Maybe you put something in the wrong hole. Maybe you put it in the wrong hole. Maybe you got something all through the upholstery. Or you just ignored the lights.

Yeah. For a long time. Just another bug off fans message Oh, have they? Bug off actually helps lubricate the blades on your wipers, making them last longer. Because they dry out. Go across the walls. Okay.

How do you know they don't work for bug off and they've just got a free plug on the radio? It sounds like big bug off. It sounds like big bug off. They're staking their name on it. Okay. Staking their claim and staking their name. Can you just use the two, like,

No. What about window wash? Oh, yeah. Could you put that all in Mr. you put that Mr. Muscle. That'd be expensive to fill up one of those. You'd need like five bottles. No, you're not just that. You're adding to water, aren't you? No, because if you had Mr. Muscle concentrate, you could.

So you're smearing. Otherwise you've got to put the whole thing of Mr. Muscle in. But could you put a whole bottle of Mr. Muscle window in and then top it up with water? I don't know what that does to the car paint because, you know, it runs onto the car paint. I don't know if that would be particularly good for the car paint. I'm not sure.

No, this doesn't feel right. Well, maybe you did this and you stuffed your car up. Yeah, maybe you peeled it. Maybe you tried to clean your car and you used like some kind of acidic, you know, and you peeled the paint off. Okay, 0800DARLS at Amazon. I'm going to give us a call now.

Our text is 9696. How badly, badly, how badly did you stuff up your car? A man with a Mini Cooper was left with a very expensive mechanic bill because he put

washer fluid in his oil hole. Oil bit? Oil? Yeah, the oil hole. The oil hole. Yeah. That's the only thing

I can come up with. I want to know how badly you stuffed up your car. Jodie, this wasn't you. This was your husband. Yeah, it was his, my husband, Neil. We won't mention his name though. up your car. Jodie, this wasn't you. This was your husband. Yeah, it was my husband, Neil.

We won't mention his name, though. Oh, cool. We won't mention Neil's name. We won't mention Neil Amiss. No, no way. And we'll remain a Neil Amiss. Yeah. So, yeah, my husband, he filled up my truck with petrol instead of diesel. Oh.

And that's expensive, isn't it? Yeah. Because do you have to get that machine? They come and they can pump it out, can't they? They suck it out, like siphon it out. No, we didn't even need to use that because it needed a new motor. Oh, no. So, wait a minute.

That tells me that you left the petrol station not knowing of your mistake. Yeah, we drove about 5Ks. Cool. Oh, my God. And so how much did that, is that covered by insurance? Yes, it was, thank God. Oh, thank God. So it was like $15,000.

Oh, my God. I know. Bloody Neil. Your husband? Oh, no, Neil. Damn it. Neil, yeah, God, Neil. I mean, anonymous husband.

Whatever your husband's name is, we're not quite sure. Well, let's just call him Neil. I hope he kneeled down and asked for forgiveness. I'm sure no one will recognise Neil. No, of course not. One last kneel in the coffin, I'll tell you that much. Yeah, exactly. I bet you nearly got a divorce. Yeah.

Nearly? Yeah, nearly. Brilliant. That's good. Jodie, thank you. Oh, poor Jodie. Charlotte, what happened? Charlotte.

Charlotte, that's right. Hello. Hi, Charlotte. Hello, Charlotte. Hi, Charlotte. What happened with your car? I shared my car with my mum back in England, and I didn't have a job at the time,

so I was trying to do some helpful things around the house. Yeah. So I thought I'd wash the car. Lovely. And yeah, I'm kind of struggling to get all the dead bugs off the bonnet so I ran in the house and got the scouring pad by the sink.

Oh no! The minute you said I was struggling to get the bugs off, I was like, yeah, I know. So I was scrubbing the number plate, and then I realised it was coming off really easy, so I did the whole car, because I thought I'll just give the whole car a good scrub.

Number plate, we're all right, right? You know, that's fine. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because that was fine. I thought, that came off easily. So I just did the whole car. I thought, give the car a good scrub. And I realised the time that I was running out of time to pick my mum up from work so I quickly got the hose rinsed

off really quickly and drove off and I got to pick I got to work and my mum came out smiling and waving and then her face changed like and I was like oh what's going on here and she came right up to the car and like started rubbing the bon. So I went down the window and said, what's wrong? She said, what have you done to the car? I was like, I washed it for you. And she was like, what? I was like, so, water? And it dried on the drive there, I guess.

And the wet, you couldn't see it as much as you could when it dried out. No. Oh, wow. I said to her, I rinsed it off really quickly, so it's probably a soap dried. And she looked at her fingers and started rubbing it. She said, I don't think so, Charlotte. So I got out, and to my horror,

the car was covered in silver swirls. Oh, no. Oh, my God. You've absolutely stuffed the whole thing. So I was like, oh, God. And I got back in the car, and my mum was asking me all these questions of what I used, where was the sponge, and I was like, oh, in the garage I got back in the car and my mum was asking me all these questions of what I used, where was the sponge.

And I was like, I went in the garage. The sponge, the sponge, the sponge. That's all you need. I know. Do you have to repaint the whole thing or do you have to insurance claim or ditch the car? No. Well, when I said I used the scouring pad, I started crying

and then she started crying and laughing and saying, my dad's going to murder me but they had like this it was called tea cut in England and you put it on the car and it slightly smoothed the paint over yes yes yes yes

oh okay so you managed to fix it a little bit yeah but in certain sun nights you saw all the swirls over the car the swirly paint job

oh my god I love that I know it's only Tuesday but I'm wondering if this is caller of the week. I think so. It feels like it. Just to make it better, we've got a $50 McCafe voucher thanks to our friends at McCafe.

All yours, Charlotte. It's because you were trying to do something nice, Charlotte. Yeah, you were. But the funny thing is, like the week after I said, I changed the story, I quickly cleaned the fish tank and when I came back home,

the fish were dead. I wasn't allowed to do anything after that. Yeah, just don't touch anything. You never thought good at something you didn't want to do. Yeah. Brilliant. Thank you, Shelley. Keep your texts coming in 9696 0800 DALZM.

We'll get to more of those next when you absolutely stuffed up the car. It's painful to hear. This is really painful to listen to because cars are expensive. We want to know how badly you stuffed yours up. Somebody was driving one of those cash vans. You know, that carries cash from my face.

The big security ones. The big white and blue ones. Yeah. I put petrol on a clearly labelled diesel cash van. I had to sit on the side of the road with a couple of millions of dollars sitting in the back, waiting for a tow truck to come and tow us. Wait, how? Sounds like the start

of a heist movie. It does. It does. Yeah. On a road trip where the partner stopped a fuel up, he wanted to check

the water level in the truck, popped the bonnet, but then forgot. Yeah. And then went in the store, came out, jumped back in, and we're driving

on the open road, the bonnet flung up, bent backwards and smashed into the windscreen. Oh my God, that's terrible. That would be so scary. Yeah. The brakes would be on.

You know, there's a few stories here about oil changes and oil lights coming on going wrong. Okay. Yeah, it's embarrassing when I've had my car towed before and you're like, oh my God, something terrible's happened to the car. They're like, when did you change the oil? You're like, change the what?

Well, someone said, I didn't ignore the light. It was the oil light. I topped it up a few times. When it finally, I took it to the mechanic. It was the oil light. I topped it up a few times. When finally I took it to the mechanic, he said, you've done a fantastic job getting 13 litres of oil into a car designed to take 8 litres of oil. It turns out that the oil light sensor was faulty. It wasn't an anymore engine.

Oh, the light's wrong. Luckily, after the last top-up, when a few things went pear-shaped, it went into what is called apparently limp mode. After spitting a heap of smoke, I got towed to the mechanics where they said, how did you get this much oil in there? Wow. Get it, thumb it in, you know? Yeah, just keep going.

Keep going. Who knew you could put too much in? I didn't know that. Did you? I did, not until very recently. Okay. And not because I put too much in, but then I was reading and I was like, should I go up to here?

I was like, interesting. Someone else used trim polish for the interior cleaner on the outside and they got left with lots of swirls, taking the paint off as well. Not as bad as the person who said to their dad, I'll clean your ute, and the inside was really bad, so they used oven cleaner on the upholstery and melted it all. Melted the seats, melted the dashboard, melted the steering wheel.

That stuff's some of the most toxic crap. It's wild. When you clean your oven, which I honestly haven't done in years, it's like you get sick and dizzy from it. I just use baking soda. Do you, do you? I enjoyed this five minute video that's actually

edited down from eight hours on how I used baking soda. Does it count for this person who parked it on the lawn, then it rained and the lawn got sloppy, so the car got stuck and then as they kept trying to do this, it slid into the fence and ruined the entire side of the car and the fence? That works. That works. That works. The person that said, my friend was coming around because she wanted me to change a $25 light bulb in her car.

Headlight. Pulling into the driveway, she scraped her whole car and then reversed out and smashed the wing mirror off. Thousands of dollars of damage to fix a $25 light bulb. Sometimes we shouldn't be in charge of these things, eh? No. These big moving metal things. Not for me. Shivers, guys.

10 out of 10 podcast, that one. Yeah. I think two of us were 10 out of 10 and one of us wasn't. Or who was that? Which one? We'll just leave that. We'll just leave that there.

Well, if you enjoyed today's podcast, give us a rating and review. Please do. Unless it's a bad one. Oh, yeah. Don't bother. Yeah, no, don't. Don't bother.

ZM's Fletch Vaughan and Hayley.