ZM's Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley - Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley's Big Pod - 16th November 2023

Episode Date: November 15, 2023

Vaughan hasn't seen Notting Hill  Silly Little Poll!  Top 6: Birds worthy of Top 10  Vaughan's Driving  When did you Gamble on the Fuel Light?  Fact of the Day Day Day Day Daaaaay!See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

The ZM Podcast Network. The Fletchforn and Hayley Big Pod. Treat yourself to McCafe coffee with my Macca's rewards. Good morning, welcome to the show Fletchforn and Hayley. It's three minutes past six. It's Thursday, which means it's Friday's live day. It's Fridays. Tonight at Spark Arena.

Excited about this? I'm really excited. Excited for a big day. I'm hydrating early. I was, because we're having some little pre-drinks at my,

not everybody, not everyone's invited, just, you know, obviously a small group. Everybody that's going to the entire show. No, because they wouldn't fit.

No, we just wanted to make sure. It's not a pre, not a pre-party. It's not pre's. But I did, I bought snacks yesterday. Did you? I've cleaned up.

I'm ready. I've got to transfer you to some money and I know you said no, but you're always shouting. You're always shouting. It's got a couple of cheeses, a charcuterie. But it's all this organising and going out tonight.

It's giving me big Friday vibes today. And it's Thursday. I'm going to be very upset tomorrow. Well, we could ask the listener. Listener, do you need us to be here tomorrow? Is that something you're relying on to sort of start your day? Well, I think you've got to pay your mortgage. You've got a job and a contract.

You know you've got to turn up to work every day. I'm feeling a throat tickle. I could do the show. I think it've got to pay your mortgage. You've got a job and a contract. It's like, you know, you've got to turn up to work every day. I'm feeling a throat tickle. I could do the show. I think it's going to hit tomorrow. So I'm taking some days off next week to go on a cruise. Yeah, this is unacceptable. So I could do the show tomorrow. This jammy prick.

This is unreal. Oh, I'm going on a Disney cruise. Well, what about us? I did my online check-in and confirmation of activities and stuff, and I'm personally looking forward to piloting the ship. I don't know if they let you do that, Bourne. I know it. I don't think that's part of it.

I think I get to dress up as Mickey Mouse and pilot the ship. I can imagine anything worse than, yeah. Whoa, watch out! Fisherman! Hee hee! No, I won't be piloting the ship. So you're away, like, the, what, second half of next week? Wednesday, Thursday, Friday next week.

Unbelievable. Unbelievable. Let me just look at my calendar. I just need to see if that's going to work for me. I could phone in. If you're going to be gone, I would rather just be out of sight, out of mind. I was trying to get a loophole there so they can't take my leave days. Hayley and I are requesting that you pull a couple

of solo shows over the summer holidays. Yeah, I could do that. I still have dreams that I have to do a solo show. You know that dream you have when you're

back at school and you've not studied for the exam? Yeah, and you're not wearing any pants? Yeah, I have those dreams. Now a little bit of the school dreams

but more often I have to do something at work by myself and I just come and hide under the desk. They're awful. It shows how much he relies on us,

doesn't it? Yeah, well, you in particular. I mean, I don't really bring much, to be fair. Coming up on the show, the top six bird of the century yesterday was announced, the Pood Tiki Tiki,

which I've never seen in the wild. Never seen one. No, where the hell are they? Really shows you how rare they are. They live in lakes in the South Island. By the way,

the Keriru didn't even make the top ten. I don't want to effing talk about it. Abomination. I know. in the South Island. By the way, the kereru didn't even make the top ten. I don't want to effing talk about it. Abomination. I know. I'll tell you what the overall top ten was.

Yes, please. But yeah, the kereru's exclusion from the top ten. I'd love to know where it's at. We should get some, we should do an official

request of information. I don't know if we can because I don't know if, is it a government department? Forrest and Bird. Yeah, dog. Isn't it under the Department of Conservation? Let's waste that time. They could be saving some tuis

but they'll be responding to our official information request. I know, I've got the tuis. I've written all the bloody oranges on my tree so I'll look after them. I've got the top six birds that didn't make the top ten that deserve to. Play. ZM's Fletchvorn and Hayley. Oh, I feel like we've been, you know,

slowly hearing from the cast of Friends about Matthew Perry. They did a group statement shortly after he'd passed away and then Courtney posted a couple of days ago, I think Matt LeBlanc was the first. Now, David Schwimmer posted two hours ago a lovely message. Them in their, like, 80s suits.

Oh, yeah. You know, looking bloody cute as ever. And just, I'll never forget your impeccable comic timing and delivery. You could take a straight line of dialogue and bend it to your will, which is so, like, he was so good at that. Yeah. Resulting in something so entirely original and unexpectedly funny, it still astonishes.

It's quite a long message. It's really sweet. Imagine you up there somewhere in the same white suit, hands in your pockets, looking around, saying, could there be any more clouds? I like that they're adding jokes. Yeah. And also Jennifer Aniston is also.

Has she finally said something? She has. Because they were very close when he talked about his addiction he said that she was the one he talked to every week still kind of touching base she's got a long message here but she also said at the end

as well Maddie I love you so much and I know you are now completely at peace and out of pain I talk to you every day sometimes I can almost hear you saying, could you be any crazier? I mean, it was one of his best deliveries, wasn't it? But yeah, so only Lisa Kudrow hasn't spoken yet, but I suppose I feel like they're all kind of lined up,

you know, lined up with this. Very sad. How long ago was it now? A couple of weeks? Yeah, I don't know. Time's going so fast. How many times was it now? A couple of weeks? Well, because, yeah, I don't know. Time's going so fast. How many times in the show did he say, could it be? Could it be?

Or, like. I feel like a lot. So it was like a catchphrase. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Okay. Could I be any? But it's also one of those things he could have only said four times,

but it's so. Or he only said it once, but it was so iconic. Like, they only said. Oh, it's like, ew, David from. Schitt's Creek. From Schitt's so. Or he only said it once but it was so iconic. Like they only said. Oh it's like ooh David from Schitt's Creek. From Schitt's Creek. Yeah. I only said that like once. Yeah. The ba-ba. Ooh David. More to say ba-ba was said a bit more often.

Yeah totally. Yeah. Do you, I feel like this, I get nervous not nervous, this is a bit of a side thought but you know the Oscars when they do the in memoriam. Yeah. You always forget someone. Yeah. you know the Oscars when they do the In Memoriam? You always forget someone. Yeah. And then the next day online they're always like, they just didn't acknowledge. There's like an uproar. Yeah.

They won't forget Matthew Perry. No. And neither will we. 12 past 6, next on the show. Oh god, I got it last night. Not the good got it. You're good for you. I would have said it in a different tone. I would have been like this, I would have been like, guys, I got it last night. Not the good got it. You're good for you. I would have said it in a different tone.

I would have been like this. I would have been like, guys, I got it last night. Yeah, that cake. I'm not here to talk about that. There's a movie on terrestrial television with ads included this weekend. And when the ad came on saying it's on television, I said, I've never seen that. Oh, my God. More telling my children I'd never seen it.

Yeah, right. But my wife turned and was aghast at the fact I hadn't seen this movie. I, too, feel the same way. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley. Last night an ad came on television promoting that Notting Hill will be on as a movie with ads on it on TV.

I'd say Notting Hill is, like like top 10 movies of all time for me. I've never seen it. Why? How? I've seen The House from Notting Hill. I don't think I've seen it either. Like I know clips from. What?

Like pop culture. Yeah, I just know. Hugh Jackman. Hugh Grant. Hugh Jackman's Wolverine. Oh. And he owns a bookstore. Yeah. Hugh Grant owns a bookshop

and Julia Roberts is a celebrity actress. And there's a boy. He's got a boy and then someone cheats on them at Christmas. No, he cheats on Liz Hurley

with Davina Brown. No. Divine Brown, a prostitute. Guys, this is a classic film. This is a great film. It's like a beautiful I've seen About a boy. That movie rules. That does rule.

This is the movie that is I'm just a girl standing in front of a boy asking him to love her. No, that's a notebook. Nope. That is Notting Hill. And I know Rhys Iphans. You know the other guy? Oh, yes. In the undies. I know he's in it. I like him.

Yeah, he's a good actor He's a lot in it He's funny Yeah He was in the later He was in the House of Dragons The Game of Thrones one Yeah he was Yeah

And he was the lizard In um Andrew Garfield's Spider-Man 1 and 2 She was upset That you hadn't seen this Absolute cult classic She was like

How can you not have seen this? I was like, well, I've just never watched it. I've never been interested in it. She is married to a man that's never seen Titanic. She should be used to this. That's more upsetting.

That's more upsetting. Are you going to watch it? No. Why not? Because it's become a thing now. Yeah, I know. I hate this about you. You just dig in your heels.

You're such a prick. Like, you could easily watch Titanic, a masterpiece of a movie. No, it's too long. Oh, my God. But it grips you the whole time. There's sex. There's romance. There's class.

There's music. There's dancing. And there's a big shipwreck. Go back to the second one. There's sex. Yeah, one of the most iconic sex scenes of all time. They have a steamy scene in the car, don't they? Steamy windows, baby.

As a before or after, he paints her. After. So he paints her. Yeah, right. Jared said there's boobies in it. Whose boobies are in Titanic? Kate Winslet's impeccable breasts. Now I can probably find those on the internet, that means.

Now, when we were talking about this before the show, producer Shannon had a question about Notting Hill. Oh, just like, what is it? She said, what is that? Is it a, I thought it was

a horror TV show. I thought that was a thing. No, no, no. That was The Haunting of Hill House, which I watched. Yeah, that was good. That was good.

The end was bad, but horrors always have, horrors can never stick the landing. No. You've got to write off the landing in a horror. You've just got to enjoy the suspense during.

But you've also never seen, this is a top 10, I'd say, girly rom-com of all time, right? Oh, yeah, one of the best rom-coms of all time. I love a rom-com, so I don't know. This is just one of my Zygas. Well, this weekend you can watch it with ads. You can watch it with ads. This, by the way, is how my children refer to watching a movie on television. Are you going to watch it with ads?

Everything's with ads. Wait a minute. You're going to watch something with ads? Can they be fast forwarded? No, no, no. You've got to watch them. Whoa, I simply won't. Shannon, when we put this into our spreadsheets,

she said, how do you spell knotting? Is it like K-N-O? Well, I don't know. I thought it was about like a funeral on a hill. No, that's... No. That's four weddings in a hill. That's four weddings and a funeral.

We're just getting... You're all getting your Hugh Grant's mixed up, okay? Next on the show, silly little poll. Do you finger your fruit and veggies before you buy them? I was going to say fondle. Oh, okay. Fondle's a friendlier F word. Yes. Play ZM's Fondle's a friendly F word.

Yes. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley. Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley. Silly little pole. Silly little pole. It is so silly, silly, silly that the silly little pole. Silly little pole. Silly little pole. Silly little pole.

Silly little pole Silly little pole Silly little pole Today's Today's Today's Today's silly little pole Today Do you fondle your fruit and veg? Veg

Do you fondle your fruit and veg before buying? Was it on the project recently? Or the Penny Gower show? Where they did a thing like that? More information, please. More information, please. They did a fondling bit. Did they do a fondling bit? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Who did a fondling bit? I believe they sent up Karen O'Leary. Karen O'Leary did some fondling. Did some fruit fondling and talked about this issue. Wouldn't be her first time fondling some fruit fondling. Yeah, she had a little fruit fondling. But everyone does it, right? You got it.

You got it. Bananas, you can make a visual assessment. Yes. What else can you make a visual assessment on? A broccoli. Yeah. Cauliflower. Yeah, you can tell.

A bag of spinach. More your fruits, right? More your fruits. And the tomatoes for sure. Tomatoes, give them a squeeze. Yep. Make sure they've got a bit of give but not too much. Yeah, because you don't want them like, sometimes they're red

but super hard. Yeah, where they're tight. Yeah, too tight. Can I imagine having skin like that? An apple, too tight. Like a truss. Yeah, and then someone just like slits you and you're like Yeah. Peel forward.

Apples. You just want to make sure there's no soft bits, right? Get them a little bit of a roll around. Like a flowery apple. You can feel a flowery apple. We're coming into plum season and you don't want a hard plum. No, you want a good plum. What is stone fruit season, isn't it?

My little peach tree has a dozen little peaches on it. You've got a little peach Yeah. I've got my little peach tree has like a dozen little peaches on it. You've got a little peachy. You've got a little peachy. We asked you, do you find all your fruit and veg before you buy them? Yes. 85% of people saying yes. 15% saying no.

I get my groceries delivered, so unfortunately I have to leave that to the whims of the supermarket staff. Yeah, that's the only thing I don't like about online groceries. Yeah, I've seen them going around. They don't care. No, they're the top one. I wouldn't care if that was my job.

I'd actually pick the worst one. Just to be a dick. Do you know what I mean? I would. You'd be like, stop being so lazy. Yeah, I'd be like, there's a bruised peach. If you're having a bad day, you'd take it out on your people. Green banana.

Yeah, here's an avocado that's as hard as concrete and will never be good. Yeah, whereas if you go rotten. You go yourself, you know if you're eating it today in a salad, you want a good, perfect tomorrow for the weekend or something like that. This is also from Josh. Now, Josh replies, I would say, every single day.

He's a good man. We could put together quite a picture of Josh from all his responses. Like a profile, like an investigator. Oh, yeah, with the red strings. Yeah. His connections. All of his connections. His connections and his thoughts and his way of life.

Okay. What's Josh got to say? Rochelle. That was Josh. Oh, okay. He gets it delivered online. Must be nice. Rochelle says.

He sounds busy. Okay, I'll put that down on my profile. Busy. Busy. What's he been doing? Why is he so busy? Where did he find him? Okay.

That's a busy homosexual. Busy gay man. Wow. We all know busy gay men. I know a few. Busy, busy, busy. Constantly busy. No room for anything.

Little bees. Rochelle says, heavy oranges so they're juicy. She weighs an orange. Let me feel the orange. The minute they lose weight. They're losing their liquid. This could feed the lot of us. This is actually left over from the Coromandel

at the weekend. It was meant to be an Aperol spritzers. Have you got oranges at home? Because I am making Negroni sours. I've got frozen orange juice. I juiced all the oranges Off our tree And then you froze it And froze it in cubes

For summer drinks Oh that's great Like orange margs So tequila Orange Blend it Frozen You're not invited

It's almost like He wants us to come around You know He's socially He's opening up Is this an invite Socially he's opening up again It's not

He went I'm closed for spring He went to camp counsellor And now he's opening up His social, is this an invite? Socially he's opening up again. It's not. He went to I'm close for spring. He went to camp counsellor and now he's opening up his social calendar to us. We're not the problem we're the solution. This is fantastic.

Let's get in the spa. Let's get in the spa. Imagine if you were both the problem and the solution. Heavy oranges are that juicy. Bananas that are firm. I tap apples to check they aren't flowery.

Tap. Oh yeah. How else would you know if you didn't fondle says Rochelle. Have you ever put a finger through a store avocado? Yes.

Like every single week. And you put it back. I flick the top. Yeah, flick the top off, which means you can only do it once. Yeah. And you look underneath and that's your window into the avocado's soul. But if you squeeze one and your fingers literally pierce through it, then you're like, I'm going to bury that again.

That's on the store for trying to sell that to me. That happens. That's not the store for trying to sell that to me. That happens. That's not even good for a guac. Amber said, oh my God, of course I found all my fruit. Can't risk buying bruised produce in this Cozzy Lives Cry.

Yeah. So she has the- Cozzy Lives Cry. Cozzy Lives Cry. Oh my God, can we from now on refer to it as- As the Cozzy Lives Cry.

As the Cozzy Lives Cry. Cozzy Lives Cry. Amber, you will be credited now for Cozzy Lives Cry. Cosley Lives Cry. Amber, you will be credited now for Cosley Lives Cry. She might have ripped it off online anyway. Exactly. She might have sent that somewhere else, but I like it. Jess says...

He's just dropped his heavy orange. Did you hear the heavy start of that? Yeah, I heard all the juice. It's like Lady Kravitz. Let the orange hit the floor. Let the orange hit the floor. Let the orange hit the floor Let the orange hit the floor Let the orange

hit the floor I don't even know what's happening here Drowning Pool Bodies Not a fan What?

Are you not a fan? I don't even know I've heard that song for about 20 years I don't know that song I'm a gym playlist No we're not playing that sounds terrible

No it was a great song You will hate song You will Who's it by? Hate it You'll hate it By Drowning Pool What is this? It was this ridiculous

He says it like you're supposed to know It wasn't It was like In pop culture Because of how ridiculous it was Oh we're not playing that song What? Something's wrong with me

Silly Carry on with the lovely messages From the people I'll put it in the background Of Silly Little Pop No Please No I'll just unplug my the background of Silly Little Pops. No. No.

I'm going to unplug my aux cord and play it over the speaker, and that's going to be bad. See, you can't stand bad audio quality. Let the bodies hit the floor. Let the orange hit the floor. Let the orange hit the floor. Let the orange hit the floor. Oh, my God.

This is not, is this even music? Imagine shooting into ZDMM now We're not playing anymore That's enough That's all I wanted to do I just wanted to hear that bit Founder to the point of I get the joke now though When I drop my orange

Let the orange hit the floor Yeah that was good He's with it Jess said I founder to the point of Feeling bad for them If they're not chosen After the feel up

I'll give them them Jeez That sounds erotic Yeah Isn't it? There's something to unpack there. Horn. I think she needs to go to a camp counsellor. And nail it.

Have a talk about this fruit fetish. Hannah says, only avocados. They are in need of a close inspection. Yeah. Ali says, absolutely. If it's apples I'm after, I'll even give them a cheeky sniff to gauge the sweetness. Oh. I like the training on this schnoz.

It sounds like she's a beagle. Yeah. She's got big beagle energy. Sounds like a good morning to our beagle listeners, actually. For the price per kilo, those bad boys are getting to second base. Yeah, 100%. 100%. Getting a good fondle.

All right. What's second base? First base is kissing. Second base is groping. Third base is hand stuff. Fourth base allroping. Third base is hand stuff. Fourth base all the way. Third base is when you pick off the thing on the avocado. Yeah, that's third base. That's third.

That's an invasion. For apples, I have a habit where I push my thumb against the apple and if it cracks, it's a good apple. But then you've got to buy it. But then you've cracked your apple. Yeah, no. You've got to eat that apple that day. I thought it was frowned upon to play with yourself in public, says Mason. It is Mason. It is, it is. I feel bad for the fruit, and I don't want to

bruise it, says Hannah. So I don't fondle it. It's an inanimate object. Hmm. That's, um, whatever the segment of the show's called. I've had a brain... A small pole. I've had a brain... Silly little pole. I just completely forgot.

Are you alright? He went like this. Are you alright? What's the aneurysm? Do you need a reset? Do you need a hard reset? I need a hard reset. What do we push to give you a hard reset?

I just can't connect to a 4G. His nipples. His pepperoni nipples. You push down one nipple and twist the other one. Hold on, wait, I'll do it. Oop! Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley. Play ZM. Well, we're used to getting the tip message on the F-Plus machine.

Yes. And the first time I went to America, it just blew my mind, the tipping. Like, I'd read about it and heard about it. Yeah. But even like, I remember getting a haircut People get offended Like massages Haircuts

You don't even think Those are your tip for those What Bars Restaurants My cousin bought her first house From tips Working on a cruise ship

Yeah It's an important She was a beauty therapist on there And she just Every time someone gave her cash She'd just squirrel it away She came back with like Granted it was a long time ago

Yeah She came back with a million dollar house deposit. Yeah. Yeah, she bought a house just on tips. Wow. That's crazy. Well, even in America at the moment, they're saying like tipping is getting out of hand

because, you know, there is a cost of living crisis. Or a cosy lives cry. Cosy lives cry at the moment. Cosy lives cry. But there's also a cosy lives Cry for the person receiving the tips. Yeah, and I mean, what a lot of people from New Zealand, when they go to America, don't know is that a lot of people working in bars and restaurants are on like a dollar or two an hour.

Plus tips. It's not even a joke. Then the tips. So they rely on the tips. They hustle for tips. Well, now websites are getting in on tips. Piss off. You're not even a person.

It was bad. Don't we go to you to not play tips? It was bad enough when like self-serve kiosks were asking for tips. Like at least you could kind of see there's a person in the kitchen maybe getting your stuff. It's corporate grade. It's corporate grade. What?

Hotel booking websites have started this. So people have shared online screenshots of this. I've got one here. It says so they've booked their hotel for whatever nights and then it says, wait, before you book, leave a $6 tip for saving you $57.36.

You're not saving me $57.36 you're saving me $51.76. And then so that you would add the tip to that. That is so stupid. Isn't that insane? I mean, it's different to, like, I know The Guardian does this, or Wikipedia does it.

Like, hey, you've used our service. Like, feel free to donate here so we can keep going. But Wikipedia isn't. That's different. That's not a tip. No, that's not a tip. And that's just actually, they need that money to keep the site alive. But it's not a tip.

Yeah. Another one here, Travel Euro is a website and they've, someone shared a screenshot from that site. So they've said, congratulations, you saved $54

by booking with Travel Euro for even bigger savings. Show your support and help us develop more ways to save you money. No, that's part of owning a business. Yeah. It's going to literally

just charge more in the first place. Well, they'll get a commission, right? And then there's a chance for people to add a 0.9 or 1.3 or a 1.7% tip. Absolutely not. $10 is a 1.7% tip.

Absolutely not. That's insane. I'm annoyed. Yeah. I just don't... Yeah. It's not going to work. People aren't going to tip.

No, they never will. And they're going to have a lot of silly fever if I'm putting it up there. Same with Wikipedia. Have you ever paid any money to Wikipedia? No. Because you tip for good service. Yeah. And you know

when you are in an area that people rely on tips, the service is outstanding. They know that that's part of the game. They have to give it. Yeah. But not on a website. I'll tip where there's tips. Every now and then I tip it in New Zealand if I've had a fantastic night and feel fully looked after and they go out above and beyond.

But that's what a minimum wage is for, is so that they can actually just have a wage. Well, yeah, because they don't have that in America for like those jobs, do they? Well, no, I will not tip. I will constantly be hitting no on that website. Play. ZM's Fletch Vaughan and Hayley.

From the bustling ZM think tank, this is the top six. The bird of the century. Congratulations to the Pūtiketike Australasian Crested Grebe winning. The top ten were Takahē with 6,200 votes, Tui with 6,400 votes and at nine. The Huia, which is the only extinct bird on the list, got 6,400. The Black Robin in at place seven, 6,700. So there's Unicenter at 6,700. The Rockhopper Penguin is at six with 6,700 as well.

The Piwaka Waka Fantail, 7,800. Bit of a jump there. Kakapo, 10,800. Bit of a jump there. Kakapo, 10,800 and it placed four. Kia was third with 12,000. The North Island Brown Kiwi

had 12,900. And the Puteketika had 290,000 votes. Thank you, John Oliver. Thank you, John Oliver. Absolutely rocked the bike. Love it.

And this is an election rigging. This is just basically invasion. And this is an election rigging. This is just basically invasion. Yeah. It's an American invasion. It's a full-blown colonisation of our bird of the year. Look, let's be honest. It's great publicity for our beautiful country.

Fantastic. It is indeed. Fantastic. I'm not happy with the result. The Ketiru, not even in the top ten. That's incredible. That's something. Well, I know the top six birds that didn't make the top ten bird of the century

that deserve to. Number six on the list, the one that kind of doesn't want your chips at the beach, the one that just chills back a bit. He's just like, I'm full. I mean, I'm a bird. I'll go out and get some fish and stuff. You guys enjoy your fish and chips.

I'll be back here. There's some right here. I'm not going to come in hot. No, I'm not. Yeah, no. As long as everybody else is eating, then I'll just I'll be back here There's some right here No I'm not As long as everybody else Has eaten then I'll Step up Our number five

On the list of the top six birds That didn't make the Bird of the century Top ten that deserve to The hawk That always gets off The rabbit on the road Just in time to dodge your car

Oh my god I know And you're like I'm gonna hit a hawk I'm gonna hit a hawk I'm gonna hit a hawk With it's wings And you're like Ah

And it's like I've got this near him Those things are amazing I love it I like them. Love a hawk. Number four on the list of the top six birds that didn't make the top ten bird of the century

that deserve to. That bird from down the pub on Friday. Oh, hey, Carol. Bloody Carol. Bloody Carol, she's a bit of a bird. Yeah, we see the legs on her. They go all the way up to the bum. I assume that's where the legs end.

Number three on the list of the top six birds that didn't make the top ten that deserve to. The bird that didn't shit on your car windscreen when you parked under a tree. Wow. Because they all did. They all do, yeah. There's a couple up there that are like, actually, guys, I'm just going to go to the other side of the tree. And clogged. And just go on the footpath.

Number two on the list of the top six birds that didn't make the top ten bird of the century that deserve to. Spike the penguin from Squirt. A legendary penguin. Yes. Yes. Very legendary. A computer-generated penguin. God, imagine doing a show, but I'm animated,

and you just have to pause when you want me to talk. When I see all of those behind-the-scenes Marvel movies or whatever, and they're just talking to like green sticks or puppets or a tennis ball. It must be so hard to act doing that. Acting is very hard. Another reason why I'm really going to try to fast track Matt Gibbs' knighthood.

Yes. Matt, Ryan. He did the Lord's work there. You know what? I think he's undone all of his good work talking to an imaginary CGI. I talk about Dominic Bowden so he's actually not going to get a knighthood for his work. Oh, bugger. Spike the penguin on squirt. And number one on the list of the top six birds

that didn't make the top ten bird of the century that deserve to, that budgie that your nan got after your granddad died that she really loved that kept her company. Yeah. Every time you walk past it, it chirps. You're like, far out. Bloody annoying things. Constantly making a bloody racket.

That is today's top six. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley. The stuff of nightmares. There's a tradie with an account called Wolf of Brisbane. The Wolf of Brisbane. Of course, yep. He's on the talk And he posted a video The comment being

Nearly lost me manhood And he is holding an angle grinder Which is like a big power tool With a flat disc on it And it cuts through things Those things are always breaking off And shooting people in the face So that's exactly what happened

The blade broke and a huge shot of it Flew off Lands right in his groin So the blade, that's exactly what happened. The blade broke and a huge shard of it flew off, lands right in his groin. So close to his, like literally into the pant. And if he was hanging to the right, that tip would be gone. How is it not gone? So it's gone through the fabric. Yeah.

And it's kind of stopped. Stopped. The fabric stopped just shy of his his diddle. Now that's a near miss. Is that the anatomical? When you go to the doctor he's like what are you here for?

He's like please do use the correct term. That is a doodle or a diddle. A doodle or a diddle. For which you do the piddles. Or a wangy. I feel like I would appreciate a doctor more if they referred to it as a diddle. Have you noticed any symptoms, anything from your diddle? Yeah. No, I haven't noticed anything from the diddle. Anyway, so close.

I mean, these moments make me feel like. That is like, it's Final Destination stuff, eh? Yeah, yeah. So I want to hear more. What was your near miss? You want to hear these stories? Yeah, because people get so close to having these horrendous things happen. And then they're like, huh.

So you don't want to hear of horrendous things happening. You want to hear of very close near misses. I don't know what was your near miss. Maybe something narrowly missed your bloody artery. Or you could have died, but you didn't. I do remember a few years ago, I was walking down from my apartment. And someone, a pot plant, a terracotta pot plant

and pot fell. Oh my God. And was like, Like Looney Tunes. A foot away from my face. Wow. If I'd been like a second quicker, it would have donked me on the head

and I could have died, man. Sliding doors, man. Man. You took, like your shoelaces were being difficult that morning, saved your life. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Just that extra bit of time turning the key in the door. Yeah, yeah. Oh, it's stuck. Saved your life. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Just that extra bit of time turning the key in the door. Yeah, yeah. Oh, it's stuck. Yeah. Saved your life. Saved my life. Love it.

Isn't that crazy? Have you had an ear miss? Because, Vaughan, you work with big tools and big sort of things on the farm. Well, with an angle grinder, I was cutting some old tin roof, corrugated iron once, and the disc broke. And it hit me in the chest.

And I was too scared to look. Jeez. I was too scared to look. I was too scared to look down. I felt it and I was like, oh, okay, that could still be stuck in me. Is this like, is this the start of the end? How are they like, these angle grinders, what is wrong? Are you just buying cheap blades? No, you buy the discs and they slowly like grind down.

You use them. But if something hits or it hits a hard bit or an angle changes, it can just snap because it's spinning around so fast. They're crazy dangerous. You should always wear like full protection. Yeah. There was a show and I had to make sparks. So they had this metal rod and I just got the angle grinder and like kind of pushed it against it so it went like this.

Now I know how close to death I was. I don't know if that's the same thing. That's my near miss. I don't know if that's a near miss. Death came knocking. I don't know if that's a near miss. That's my near miss. I don't know if that's a near miss. Death came knocking. I don't know if that's a near miss. Death did come knocking. Well, let's take your calls.

Have you had a near miss? Yeah. Like to a serious incident, accident? You could have been so close to losing your life. But it was a near miss situation. Yeah. 17 minutes past seven. We are sorry.

I just actually got you on the tail there. Yeah, I was still hadn't said the time and you just stepped on the back of his jandal because you were walking too fast. Oh my god, we're approaching that season there's nothing worse. Would you do that to a stranger? I'll just stop and be like, you just go in front. Don't stand in the back of my chair. Get out of my way, go around me.

Just go around me. Back up, give me some room. Okay. Anyway, oh my god, I love a text that starts with cannot believe I'm still alive. We want to know your near misses because there was a tradie who was using an angle grinder. The blade broke, flew out into the crotch of his pant. And just sticking out.

Narrowly missing the diddle. The diddle is the medical term. Yes. So many messages and calls. Charlotte, what was your near miss? When did you nearly die? Is that me? Yeah. Hi, um,

so I was in... Charlotte, get your phone. What are you doing with your phone? She's falling down a hill and she's just like... Me? Sorry, I just tumbled down a hill. Get all my affairs in order. Um, so I was in, um, England tramping,

and there's like, the cliffs are real dodgy there, and there had just been a slip from the weather. And so I was just walking, and I hit a wrong thing, and I just fell off the edge. Like, I literally fell off the edge of this cliff. Jeepers, creepers. How far did you fall? Like a good solid couple metres.

And then luckily like just across from, just under the edge of the cliff was like a tiny little rock that like was sticking out and I landed on that. Oh my God. I just stopped you. That's the worst feeling when you slip and you're like, how long will I go for? At the start of that call when I said she sounded like she was just falling down a hill, that was

completely, I had no idea her story was going to be here. Because it made it sound like I was laughing about your near-death experience. I definitely laugh about the fact that I fell off the edge of a literal cliff. How big was the cliff? Oh, they're huge. Like death? Yeah, it's like rocks and ocean. Oh, wow.

Okay, yeah, yeah, yeah. You're lucky to be here. Charlotte, thank you. Aaron, what was your near-death experience? I was having a workout at a gym quite some years ago and I had 240 kgs come down to my leg

and a leg freeze. Aaron, I'm going to say that's pretty hot that you're pushing 240. I'm just going to say it. You're pushing 240, brah. Yeah,

that was only a lightweight. I've sort of done about 620 kgs before, so. Yeah, brah. Yeah, brah. Six, like, wait. The dumper on this guy,

I can almost hear it through the phone. You can hear the dumper. Sounds like his own ass is choking him, you know? Yeah, yeah, yeah. He walks as a... Wait, so, Hal,

because they've got the little safety pegs, don't they, so the leg press doesn't come down, but those weren't in. That's where you guys had the peg room.

Yeah. Around this monster dumper. Go on. Yeah, so it's a little between my feet. I just had a bit of a warm, you know, cool down for the session and put everything, raked everything up.

And then I was talking to my mate who was training with me and the pin gave way and it came down to my legs. The pin gave way? Wait, so you're stronger than the pin that's designed to be strong? Oh, it was a pretty crappy machine, but it was good. But it just, yeah, for some reason it just gave way and come down on my shin. I didn't want to look down on my shin

because I thought I lost it and then it bounced off. It bounced off. Are you made of metal, Aaron? Good Lord. Marry me. I don't know. What's happening? You're already marrying an Aaron. They're all the same. Aaron, thank you.

Taylor, what was your near miss? Hi. I was, me and my siblings were doing as what siblings do. We found like this great water hole that we thought would be great to jump into. So we climbed up onto like this edge and the edge was not, we didn't really investigate properly. Of course you didn't. As siblings do, we were all betting each other who would take the first

jump off the edge and I was the oldest child so I was like, let me show off. I took a jump, landed in the water, everything was fine, looked to my left and it was the edge of this huge rock that if we had been a few metres to the left, it would have been game over. It's safe to say

we ran home after that. You've got to check the depth. You've got to check before you jump. It could be logs or rocks. Oh my god, I'm just going to chill down my spine because that happens, doesn't it? It's awful. Miss Yeah, like that. Oh my god, I just gotta chill down my spine because that happens. It doesn't. Oh, it's awful. Yeah, Miss Taylor, thank you. Message is in.

Lucky to have these callers, aren't we? Lots of messages. I ran across the road outside my school when I was nine. Got hit by a car. Got punted 20 metres down the road. Got up. No injuries. What the hell? My daughter crossed the road at nine on the way home from the same school. Years later, run over serious injury,

nearly lost her leg one step away from it being obviously considerably worse. They need my road patrol. I was great at road patrol. I did the lollipop. Signs out, check, save, cross now. Yeah, exactly. You never run across the road. You take your time when there's space for you

after looking both ways. Alright, Dad, whatever. Look again, look again. That's for motorbikes. Okay. But also handy for crossing the road. Wait, you don't... Okay, only motorbikes? So I don't look again.

No, no, no, you look again for motorbikes. No, you said it. You're here at Road Safety with Vaughan Smith. That's motorbikes. No, you said... That's the advertising campaign for motorbikes. You look again, look again. Look again, look again.

I was free water diving. You can absolutely stick that up your ass. Oh, no, absolutely not. Absolutely not. Look again. I was free water diving. You can absolutely stick that up your ass. Oh, no, absolutely not. There's absolutely no way. That's my worst nightmare. It's not happening. Yeah. I can't.

Because what about sharks? They're there. They're there. That's the least of your worries. I honestly reckon they're the least of your worries too. Electric eels. Getting caught on something. And then not breathing.

Getting the radio heads on the bends on the way back up. Everything about it, yuck. Getting trapped. The darkness. What's in the darkness? Seaweed brushing against you. I saw me some mates up north. Bear in mind, I was wearing a bikini.

We were perched up on some... Wait, is it freediving if you're in a bikini? Is that just snorkeling? I don't know. No, it's not holding on to the rope and going down. It's no tanks. It's just holding your breath and wearing a mask and going down and grabbing food and stuff.

You've got to be careful wearing a kini going like that. Oh, my God, it would come straight off you. Or perching on some pretty sharp, rugged rocks, about to go into water. All of a sudden, a massive wave came through and washed me over the rocks. I somersaulted over the rocks, hit my head, gouged my whole left side and had to go and get a total of 15 stitches. Had a pretty nasty concussion.

Luckily didn't die and definitely could have. That's more. Stay away from the ocean. Let's just all sit on the couch. And do nothing? And just exist. And just chill. I had a career van bounce down over the barrier onto the motorway in front of me after

it ran away down a steep hill. The driver running after the van. It was a mechanical fault and it went and landed just in front of me on the motorway. Imagine if they'd land on top of you. It's like when you see those shipping containers fall off motorway over bridges. Yeah.

I was living in London and I was walking to work From the tube Through one of those Construction site tunnel things Stepped out of the tunnel Then right next to this Me fell this massive Chunk of concrete

Size of a basketball And it smashed on the ground Next to me Very shaken about that Oh my god Lots of nemesis Was out doing some Target practice

With my uncle At his farm Shooting off a couple Of 22, and I shot a tree. Ah, bounced off. But the bullet ricocheted off the tree and shot back towards my uncle's head, nicked him on the ear as it went past. Oh, my God. Imagine that.

I can't with this. I can't. It's so crazy. Can we just be safe? Please be safe. Like, we'll just stay inside and don't do anything? Is that your message to people? Oh, just sit on the couch and be grateful you're alive.

As a father, this is what I say. Stop. I can see where this is headed. Yeah. That's what I would say. Just stop. I can see what's going to happen. Stop now before it does.

It's great. It's great to have words. Be safe out there, kids. Be safe. Play ZM's Fletch Vodden Ailey. Play ZM. Let me explain to you how the driving from work back to home goes. Do you need to?

It's on a road, isn't it? Mm-hmm. So there's an area that is 50 kilometers an hour, and then there's even lower, I think it's 40, but you always crawl into that bit, and the CBD. And the CBD. Now, then there's a motorway on-ramp. It's at that stage that the speed increases to 80 kilometres an hour

and continues to be 80 kilometres an hour until just before the St. Luke's off-ramp. Now, even for those that aren't in Auckland, everybody goes 100 in that zone. The 80 is a mere suggestion. No, no, no, the 80 is the rule, the law. That's why there's a cop always sitting on that corner and people are like, ooh, on the brakes. No, the trick is you come around the corner. Absolutely hit the pics.

Yeah, but when the cop's on that corner underneath the Bond Street Bridge, shit, he's seen me. You wait, everybody knows you, you wait until you get around the corner and then you fang it. He's not there. He's not there, you fang it. It's a suggestion. The 80s zone. Oh my god, I'm so sorry, you're right. Or they.

The 80s zone, we're not here to talk about pronouns of police officers. We're just saying. We are here to talk about the fact that it continues to be an 80s zone. They can fight the law for a long time after that corner where the cop sits. If you want to honor the speed limit like a little bit.

So that's what I'm doing every day. Get the hell out of the right lane. I don't care. You can drive whatever speed you want, Vaughn. Get out of the right lane. I wasn't even in the right lane yesterday when this happened. I sometimes think about taking photos, but I simply wouldn't pick up my phone while I'm driving. Yeah. Because that cop that's sitting there. I've been, like Vaughn's here

and I've been in a train of about four cars that are up his arse all thinking who is this prick and I'm like he's my friend. I am keeping everyone safe by blocking their ability to go faster than the speed limit. I'm trying to save the money. Now you've had

feedback about your driving before, but yesterday you received more feedback. I get a lot of, like, zooming past on the inside. But yesterday I wasn't even in the fast lane. Well, it's not even the fast lane, actually. That's a myth. It's just a lane. Right.

And I was doing the speed limit in the middle lane. And there was a truck beside me in what is considered to be the fast lane. Right, so nobody could get past. He's a long truck and he's and this guy's right up my date. Now, I'm like dude, I'm doing the speed limit. Kiss my ass. It is amazing though that

you paid all this money for this brand new Suzuki Jimny and it doesn't go that fast. I paid the speed. I paid it for cuteness. And versatility. It's so slow. It's so slow. It's just a great little fun little compact four-wheel drive. It's like zero to 100 in like an hour.

Dude, it doesn't go 100 kilometres an hour. He's not talking madness. If it drives everywhere like 100, what's he done to it? Yeah. It doesn't go 100 kilometres an hour. It doesn't like going 100 kilometres an hour. It likes going 90 kilometres an hour, and that is where I will drive it. Right, okay. So what did this person say to you? So I was in the middle lane, and this guy's right up my date, kilometers out. It likes going 90 kilometers an hour and that is where I will drive her. Right.

Okay. So what did this person say to you? So I was in the middle lane and this guy's right up my date and there's a big long truck in the fast lane and it's like and it's

probably going a little bit faster than the speed limit which you shouldn't do. It's a big long truck and this guy's right up my date and I'm like I don't know what he

wants me to do and then he goes into the left lane and zooms past me and is like beside me just being like. And so I'm like, what? And I wind down my window and at 80 kilometers an hour, he says to me, you're driving like an effing asshole. And I was like, dude, what do you want me to do?

Did you say that? I was just like, what do you want me to do? Like. Break the limit. The middle lane doesn't default become the lane that you can speed in because there's a big truck in the right lane where you love to speed. I'm not getting in the left lane. I mean, it's too close

to the off ramp. It's normally you do to sit in the fast lane going 80. I love that too. Yeah, I know you do. Usually I do that and people fly apart, fly on the inside of you. It's like, well, ours are in the speed limit. They're champ. Good luck. I hope you get a ticket. It's so infuriating. I know you're doing the speed limit there, champ. Good luck. Hope you get a ticket. It's so infuriating. Yeah.

I know you're doing the speed limit. Do it in a different lane. I'll drive in whatever lane I want to drive in. I am doing the speed limit. You're not the master of this strip of motorway making sure everyone's. I'm the pace car. I'm the pace car, baby. I'm setting the pace. At 80 kilometers an hour.

Now, the minute it gets to 100, you know the minute it gets to 100, I'll pull over. I'll get into that left lane. That left lane, the middle lane. I'm looking out of the way. I'm doing the speed limit. How did that make you feel? I don't care. It feels like you care.

It feels like you care because you brought it up today. You must have. Yeah, yeah. Oh, no. Just watch out for me because I'm going to be back on that fast lane today. No, get out. Move over. Well, you're not going home that way. Oh, thank God. We out for me because I'm going to be back on that fast lane today. No, get out, move over. Well, you're not going home that way.

We're going to mine after work, so. His park, the only reason I'm always behind this bastard is because his park is closer to the exit of our parking lot and I'm always behind him. I'm saving her so much money on tickets and such. With their lead foot sprawl. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Now, a mum has done this, a how to be a person camp for her kids. But honestly, this could be for everyone. Skills in life on how to be a person. And this is great. Here's the list. Number one on the list, how to scramble an egg. Yep, got to.

You've got to know. This is my biggest concern as a parent is that your kids leave home and they're useless. Oh, like how many times will you- I'll be like, girls are going to do this. Shaddaa's like, it's all right, I'll do it.

I was like, no, the girls are going to do it. They've got to learn how to do it. They don't have to do it all the time, but they have to know how to do it. I remember people you meet late in life and you're like, seriously? Plus, I don't want their mother teaching them how to stack a dishwasher

because she sucks at it. But you'd be flatting and people would be not even know how to use a washing machine. Yeah, not how to wash the clothes, cook pasta. You're like 25. Pasta's very hard to cook. Yeah, how do you know? Pasta's almost impossible to cook. No.

How to scramble an egg, How to write a thank you note. How to trim your nails. Because men just start hacking and ripping them off and shit. Why? What are we doing wrong? I cut them so short it hurts. Oh, you get raw to the nub. You're like, ouch, ouch, ouch, ouch.

Yeah, that's good. You've got to grip things properly. Yeah, yeah, great, great, great. A couple of days. Raw as. How to politely order at a restaurant. No clicking. Oh, dear God.

None of this. God, don't click at people. If you raise someone that clicks at Waitstaff, you've failed. But even just in general, like knowing these things, like how to ask for the menu, how to ask for what wine, how to pay, how to do this. It's great stuff to know. How to do hair basics.

And I think this is for everyone. How to do a how to do this. It's great stuff to know. How to do hair basics. And I think this is for everyone. How to do a ponytail or a braid. How to properly wash and cut produce. People out there with manky mushrooms and bloody dirty carrots. Okay, I'm pretty bad. I'll be honest. I'm pretty bad with mushrooms. I don't wash my mushrooms.

Neither. I straight up do not wash them. I remember my mum would always peel mushrooms. So does my friend. No, that's madness. Or rub them against a paper towel and get the skin off and you're

like, what are you doing? Is that a little hack? Yeah, but as long as there's no big bits of dirt, I'm all good. It's all just

minerals and vitamins, isn't it? How to wrap a gift. Oh, yeah. Men aren't just shoving things in bags and be like, who's going to

put a gift bag? That's me. I can do a really my gift bags, baby. I can do a really good gift wrap, but I choose not to. I can't wrap round things. You've got to get a box. That's a great call. Great call.

Where did my thing go? How to write on an envelope, how to apply sunscreen properly, how to maintain a bathroom, changing toilet paper, the garbage right way for the toilet paper, dusting, da da da da. This is just every life thing you should know. Yeah. How to make noodles, how to blow dry

hair, how to pack a lunch for the day, how to use a knife properly, how to separate recycling, how to make your bed, how to water the plants, how to choose an outfit, how to write your name, how to clean up, how to clean up spills, how to do laundry, how to make your bed, how to water the plants, how to choose an outfit, how to write your name, how to clean up, how to clean up spills, how to do laundry, how to say a prayer but I'm skipping that one.

How to introduce yourself to a new friend. This is just a great list of things on how to develop into a real human being. Now, you were saying you feel like a lot of men need this. Yeah. Absolutely. How to do a load of laundry. How to talk on the phone properly.

Oh my God, this is Aaron. No matter what. He's in a good mood. We're having a chat. Ring, ring. Hello? Like, already defensive. Already like, what do you want?

I'm like, why are you answering the phone with that tone? He's like, what tone? He's just bothered by them. I'm like, no, your phone manner needs some work. Because I'm always answering the phone. I've seen him on the phone on the ad. He's very friendly what tone? He's just bothered by them. I'm like, no, your phone manner needs some work. I've seen him on the phone on the ad. He's very friendly as Greg Grover. Greg Grover is friendly. Yes, of course you do mobile plans now.

But you're saying in real life he's like, Always defensive as if he's being attacked. As if every phone call, Oh my God, babe, I love you. Hello? He's like, oh my God, have some... Is there anything else on the list he's not good at? Because he seems like he'd be Oh my god babe I love you Hello I was like Oh my god Have some Is there anything else

On the list He's not good at Because he seems like He'd be pretty sordid How to put away groceries He's not great at that Like just put in the pantry And you're like whatever

No he's pretty good at these How to make a peanut butter sandwich How to empty And stack a dishwasher Is on there That's for sure How to identify Big feelings

And what to do. Oh, now we're getting into the emotional stuff. Far out. Okay. And just under that is how to fold a blanket. So she's really doing a big scope here. How to be a person camp is so great. And I think maybe you could write your own list

for your child or husband. And it would be very helpful. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley. So Lindsay Agaga's cooked. Now, that's one of the most kind of like, wow, on-trend, expensive, high-end luxury brands, Balenciaga, have worked with the likes of Kim Kardashian. It was their big collab. Did they do that tote bag that was like those bags you get from the warehouse

or Kmart, you know, the multicolour, the tricolour woven plastic bags. And they're a classic. Whenever you're at a luggage carousel, you always see one because they're like $2 for the bag and they fit heaps in there. And if you're moving, they're perfect. They also did homeless shoes.

There was a pair of shoes that looked like they belonged to a homeless person. That was problematic. They're tagged and ripped tuck tailors with holes in the soles coming off. They also did the Crocs that had heels. Yeah, our friend Louise has a pair of those and we make fun. They did a handbag that looks like a packet of chips.

And they did an Ikea bag, the Croc handles, the wooden clogs, a coffee cup that was $10,000. Whoa. Now they've done a new one. It is $925 American dollars. Now, when I saw this, I was like, I've almost got this exact color towel in my bathroom. It's cool.

And it was from Farmers at 40% off, I believe. Yeah. So this is called the towel skirt. What it is is it is a towel wrapped around your waist, a la I'm fresh from the shower. That is simply what it is. But so are the pants underneath that the model is wearing, are they part of it?

No, this is just the towel skirt. Oh, okay, okay. This is a separate pair of pants. So it's a towel, but it's sewn together so it's a skirt? Yep. Right. Yep. It seriously looks like a Sheridan towel.

Yeah, it does. It is literally just a, it's called a terry towel, towel skirt. So it is a terry, it's a terry, it's a towel. It's a toweling. It's a towel. It's a towel. And how much? It's a grey towel.

It's $925. Jeez. US dollars. USD to NZ. Oh my God. $1,500. Yeah, $1,400, $1,500 for a towel

Imagine how many towels you get on a farmer's sale I was going to say, dare I hazard a guess that Briscoe's will be having a sale It's Thursday, it's Briscoe's sales day How much does a towel cost at Briscoe's? Today it would be like $5 I'll say grey towel You're on a big ass towel though

I'm on grey towel You could go your Galaxy Galaxy Universal Bath Towel Grey towel. You're on a big-ass towel, though. I'm looking at farmers. I'm on grey towel. You could go your Galaxy Universal bath towel, $18.99. There's $10 here. Galaxy big and soft duet bath towel in grey. This isn't going to fall down, you know, when you're running and your hands fall with your dirty clothes and you've got a towel wrapped around your waist and it starts to slide down and you've got to do a last-minute one-hand grab.

Well, they've stitched it to look like that. Is it elasticated at the waist? How do you get it up over the boot? I don't know. And do you know what? I don't care. Balenciaga, you are so silly. But that's what I'm thinking,

is we can start one of these at a quarter of the price. Oh, yeah. What do they call them in dupes? Dupes. Duplicates. Cheap duplicates. Yes, they're long-looking. Yeah, oh.

That was a very unusual a towel I wouldn't go white towels skirt in beige just in case you haven't washed properly yeah it's a good thing

we had a dark towel hides all matter of sins yeah I've got dark towel same in beige terry cotton it's terry cotton it's a towel

oh my god you keep saying terry cotton should I know what terry cotton is that's the sort of knit or the kind of texture of it.

Like a fluffy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. This item is unisex, regular fit, mid-waist, two buttons at waistline inside, adjustable belt with buckle inside, knee length, Balenciaga logo embroidered tone on tone at front, made in Italy, dry clean only. I'm upset.

It just makes me sad someone would spend that much money on a towel when there's people With nothing Yeah You know struggling To make ends meet Yeah Someone's like

Yeah I'll spend A cosy livy We're in a cosy livy cry We're in a cosy livy cry This is a cosy livy cry And this person's spending $1500 I will say

Farmers does have The Sheeran and Luxury Retreat towel range By 2 30% off Luxury By 2 30% off

The total or 30% off the second towel? The total, I believe. I may be wrong. Oh, they look good though, don't they? But even then, the most expensive, biggest towel, you could buy like... Bath sheets. You could buy like...

I want a bath sheet. Heads of these. A bath sheet. We bath sheet. What do you mean a bath sheet? A huge towel. So you don't get towels and then you get the big ones? Yeah.

Bath sheet. But you've got to have big, thick towel rails. Towel rails. Because one will tank up the whole thing. Well, if you, like me, think fashion is your passion, I think we can skip this one. Yeah, or just grab a towel from the bathroom. Famously, have a sale every Thursday and get one for $10.

Shannon, she just plays fast and loose with life, doesn't she? She does. We are just mere passengers on the ride of her life, and it is a privilege to be on board. Now, Shannon, what is it today? Well, yesterday I was coming to work and my fuel light went on. Yes, it does. Yeah, but the petrol station near my house doesn't open till

six and I was like, well, I feel like in my head, because I have a diesel car, they go for longer. I don't know if that's a thing. I feel like I saw a video one time saying you could go 100k on a fuel light. Oh no, not 100. Maybe 25,

50 max? Are you serious? Oh, well, I drove to work yesterday, asked you guys, and you guys said just fill up. But then when I went home yesterday, I just didn't. I do that. When you just drive home, you're like, oh, I didn't stop.

Stopping for petrol's the pit. I hate it. It sucks. It costs a lot of money, and it just sucks. Well, yeah, I was hoping to make it to payday, which is tomorrow. No, no, no. Hon, you will not survive three days driving into the city and back. So, you know, when you turn on your car and you've got a fuel light, it goes like beep and it puts that emoji up.

And then I was like, oh, you're so young and sweet. You know your car's emojis. It's got the check engine emoji. It's got the exclamation mark emoji. I've also got the genie lamp up at the moment. No, that's oil. That's oil. Vaughn, can you?

I'm taking care of Jared. You guys are going to take care of one of these young pups. We'll do it. Big dog will guide the cubs. The lights are on and it's beeping, but I've never had it continuously beep. So now coming to work, it's just going every so often. Wait, I've never heard of a fuel light that beeps.

Yes. Yeah. It makes a noise. It's angry. Oh, mine dings. It goes ding. And you're like, what was that? And then you look and it says low fuel.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. It doesn't keep doing it. No, but now it's doing it and I think it's angry I have mine has because your car and I'm gonna say this with love but I'm looking at your car I can assume it doesn't have one of those digital countdowns

because mine's got that thing where it's 72 kilometres I think left to go the fuel light comes on and then it counts it down and I can keep driving and then I'll know when it's like 15. You're like, jeepers, I've got to do this. Nah. I remember when I didn't have that and you're like,

oh, I just guess it'll just... I don't live far from work. So, and when I go down a hill... No, it's hot, it has to be today. When I go down a hill, oh, let's hear this. Ram it a neutral. Oh, no, I chuck it a neutral going down a hill. Well, when I'm going down a hill, the light goes off for a second.

Oh, because the fuel's in the tank. It means you've got a little bit left in there. So that's why I kept driving. Jesus. But now I think today's the day. Yeah, I think after work, find the nearest one literally just around the corner from work. What I'll do is my flatmate's rent comes in at midday.

That's right, here we are. Yeah, because it's payday tomorrow. She robs the flat account to pay for her bits and pieces. I've never actually run out of petrol. I've been in cars that have with friends and my mum once. I remember it being like, and me being like, but my friend got charged

because the terrace tunnel in Wellington goes from town towards the hut, and it's a little tunnel, and she had been driving fuel line on for days. Oh, no. So the person was like, I know my tank, I know my tank. I know my tank. She put it out just as she got into the tunnel,

blocking the whole thing, causing massive traffic delays. They had to get, like, people in with hivers, vests and stuff. And because she had known, you're pushing it. You can't go into a tunnel knowing that you could break down. So she got charged with careless driving or something like that. It's the same with if you run out of gas on the Auckland Harbour Bridge. They're like, that's you, man. And you've actually caused massive delays.

You shouldn't have been on the bridge. But what if Shannon said she was going up the bridge and the fuel light came on? Yeah. I went down a hill so the fuel light was off. She was like, no, no, no, just get me over the hump. I'll be all right. And then I'll pull off.

Just shunt me up to the top of the bridge and I'll coast down the rest of it. Yeah. Oh, this is scary now. I want to take some calls. When did you gamble on the fuel light and lose? Yeah, when did the gamble not pay off? You're like, I know my tank, man.

I've got a ride to work. There's always that drive. If you're driving from Auckland to Napier, there's that huge section, which for like 300 kilometres or something, there's no petrol. Oh, the Napier typo. Yeah, you always enter it with like a half tank,

being like, should be all right. Should be all right. And then as you're getting towards Napier, you're like, no one breathe. Stop. Turn the radio off. Air conditioning off. Yeah.

0800-DARLS-AT-M. Let's take your calls. Share your stories. You can text as well, 9696. And perhaps this should be a lesson learned for our little baby bird, Shannon. When did you gamble the fuel light and lose? Play ZM's Fletch for the daily. Play ZM. Fuel light and lose.

Talking about those times that you've gambled the fuel light and lost. We are, yeah. As we anticipate will happen with Shannon today, someone needs to follow her home, you know? Absolute hot mess. We just adore this woman. Mel, you gambled the fuel light. How far did you get?

Well, actually, so my first car, so I was like 17, didn't have a fuel light. So I had to just do like that. Wow, just feeling it. He's going to feel it. Car's feeling lighter. Car's feeling lighter. I had to do maths on my like part-time wages of like 10 bucks will get me X amount of trips to school.

We lived semi-rural. And I was like, yeah, cool. I can get this many trips to school. And I had to reset the kilometres and stuff. So did it even have a gauge? Did it even have a gauge of fuel to empty? Yeah, it did. Okay.

It did, but it was like, you never really know. It just got to empty. I don't know if there's ever been a car that didn't have a fuel gauge. Well, I'm wondering if maybe it was broken or... Oh, yeah, right, gotcha. This was like a 1980s,

no power steering. Yeah. What are we talking, an 80s what? What are we talking, a Mitzi Mirage? That was my first car. Ford.

Laser. Halfstar, I think. Yes. Oh, God, I missed the Tausta. Was it mum or dad's hand-me-down? No, I think it cost mum and dad like 500 bucks. Yeah, I love that. Beautiful.

Amazing. Okay. And so you'd be doing the math, but did you not equate for fuel price rises? No. Which would have been... No. Yeah. So I drove. I went to go to school. Which would have been... No. Yeah. So I drove,

I went to go to school, I got all my stuff together, drove out of my driveway, long driveway, and then got about 100 metres down the road and the car just like died. You were just literally

out of the driveway. Oh my gosh. Yeah. I was like, I can't afford to fix this because I make $40 a week or something stupid. Yeah, yeah.

Loving that. Well, at least you broke down at home in the driveway. Just go home for the day. Yeah, everyone had left. I just had to stay home. Oh, my God. Sweet. I would love that.

Be like, oh, well, I guess I just don't go to school today. Mel, thanks for your call. Emily, when did you gamble the fuel light and lose? It actually wasn't me. It was a friend of mine when we worked together. Yeah. And she told me the story when she got to work. She was on Brickham Road in Christchurch and she broke down.

Is he right? And she then had to walk to the BP. She got one of their, like, gas cans and said, I'll be back, you'll be fine. And he was like, yeah, yeah, that's fine. But they hide the tops because people steal them. Yes, of course. Yeah, they don't come back with them.

You know the time you used to funnel into your gas tank? Yeah, the top is the funnel. She poured the contents of, like, the, you know, five litres or whatever she bought into a pump bottle, but didn't think, oh, I'll top off the bottom and funnel it in. No, she poured it in the top where your mouth goes. Oh, for you, I just, oh my God. We're going to sound

a genius. She probably dropped 95% of the fuel and then she pumped it into the car. Oh my God. Oh my God. And when she told me, I was like, seriously, I was like, next time just call me. Yeah. Oh God. And when she told me, I was like, seriously,

I was like, next time, just call me. Yeah. Oh, God. She's not, like, her and her friend are rather small. They had to, like, push the car over to the side of the road. No one was like, oh, too young. I need some help.

And of course, what'd she do? She left it in drive. She didn't pop it neutral. Of course. Of course. It also feels like something Shannon would do. I had a friend once that was putting oil in the dipstick hole. Which is in the window.

Yeah. The squeegee. No, no, no, no. The dipstick, you know where you take the oil to test the level? Oh, no, you've got to put it in the thingy. Yeah, yeah, yeah, you do. Emily, thank you. Alina, when did you gamble the fuel line and lose?

I had not long started in my role as a territory manager and had a hold in Captiva, and I went to leave Westport to drive down the coastal road to Greymouth, and I saw the sign that said no fuel for 90 kilometres, and my gauge on my new car said 90 kilometres. Oh, no! No! No!

No! Yes, yes, yes! It doesn't mean 90! Snake eyes! Because you've got to do that! Mine does it too. It says 72 and then

it'll be like 71, 70. And I'm like, I haven't driven a kilometre. If you drive with a heavy foot. Yeah, because you've got a heavy foot sprout. I've got a heavy foot.

And your car's full of... And I'm pumping music and aircon and I've got a whole trundle of water You've got a tonne of extra weight in your car from all the shit that you give in it.

So how close did you get then? So, obviously there's winding roads, there was a few straights where there was actually some really slow cars that I managed to get past, but as I was just coming

into Greymouth, the car actually, like it reduced my speed, it cut me down to about 70 kilometres an hour. All the cars that I'd passed started to pile up behind me. Oh my God,

Alina. And then I finally got to the BP, and when I got to the BP, there was already cars piled up, so I turned the car off, and I couldn't actually get it started again, so they had to push me to the top. Oh, my God. You just made it. It's so bad for the car.

I went against that point that it's like... Yeah, because it's using all the biscuit crumbs at the bottom. It's like when you dunk a biscuit into tea. Yeah, dude. It's a good analogy, that one. Gritty biscuits. Elena, thank you. Some messages in.

I was 19 and had a car with no fuel gauge at all. I had to try to calculate how many kilometres I could do every time I filled up and I had to keep a little note. Oh, a little note, won't you? Yeah. A little note. Like a log book. I've sold my soul to the devil. It's good for text time, though, if you've got a log book. I've sold my soul to the devil.

It's good for text time though if you've got a log book. Yeah. I've sold my... If everyone's just keeping their log, that's great when it comes to what we can claim. You can't just say I'll just use the same as last year. You've got to keep updating that. You've got to keep that all go. Sold my soul to the devil twice.

Between Ratahi and Wanganui. And won both times. There's no gas stations between there. I'm imagining there's stretches of that road with zero reception as well. Yeah. You're stuck there. Somebody said, your car lies to you. If it says it can do 50 more kilometres, it can do at least 65.

No, no, it's the other way. If it says 50, it can do 40. I love this attitude. Oh, my God. Yeah. I was driving my truck, and as I pulled into the station to get more diesel, it went... And I just coasted to the...

It's a nice gamble. Oh, wow. It's a gamble. You don't want to run your diesel on empty. We're listening. Little baby bird, are you listening? Whakarungamai? You don't want to run your diesel on empty because you bring up all the bad stuff in your tank,

which is like the rust and the biscuit crumbs, and it runs into your injectors and can damage your engine. And a mate of mine said they can often need repriming as well. Is that if I hit empty, empty or right now? Because I feel like right now, if I can still get the fuel light off on a hill, I'm fine. Oh, no. Oh, my God.

The biscuit crumbs will be running down the... Yeah. You roll the dice every time you start your car. Oh, my God. The biscuit crumb's going to be running down the... Yeah. You already... You roll the dice every time you start your car. You drive a Volkswagen. Yeah. Also, it's my dad's car, and I think he's listening, and I'm sorry.

Okay, well, let's stop talking. Shannon's fine, Dad. We're looking after her. Play. ZM's Fletch Vaughan and Hayley. Fact of the day, day, day, day, day. It's Super Sense Week at Fact of the Day where we're learning about animals in the animal kingdom here on this beautiful planet called Earth.

Yes. And the senses that they're good at. Okay. And today's herring. Okay. It's the herring sense. What's the best animal at herring? Best animal at herring.

It'll be a blind animal. I got the top three. Bats. Bats are number two. Good boy. I did real good. I did real good.. Bats. Bats are number two. Good boy. I did real good. I did real good. You did so good.

You're so clever. Bats can hear in the range of 9,000 hertz to two. I did real good. He's really happy. To 200,000 hertz. And they can make sounds as loud as 120 decibels, which is like a pneumatic drill. Okay.

It would hurt our hearing because it's so loud, but it's at an ultrasonic frequency that we can't hear. Yep. And they're also really good, yeah, so they can make noise, but they can hear at an extremely wide range of sounds. It's nothing, number one, it's nothing under the water. Nope. Is it not like a salamander?

The closest under the water is dolphin. Yeah. Because it uses echolocation to hear, like bats. To bats, yeah, that's why I asked, because I thought of dolphins. Yeah, not dolphins. Okay, give us a clue. Give us a clue. Number three is the owl.

I love owls. I hate them. I love them. Their faces are too flat. What about those Harry Potter owls? Do you know their faces are flat? I was going to tell you about this. Their faces are flat or concaved so that they can direct sound to their ear holes, their hearing holes.

Their ears? No, because they don't have ears. So it's just an ear opening. They're located behind and slightly below their eyes and at different heights on each side of the face so that it's they use when they get the sound which can be like

split milliseconds apart and that will tell them exactly where the prey is yeah like if you're a mouse you better be ultra quiet or on an owl you better watch your back you're like sweet the owl's like, gotcha. Give us a clue about number one.

Hayley's not going to like it. Ah! Yes. So you actually, given your phobia, you can go. You can feel free to go. Bye, guys. For those that don't know, it's not even a joke. Hayley has an incredible fear of moths.

She's just left the room. She's gone. She's even leaving the... Moth. She... She can go out there. We'll call her back at the end. She flinches and dry reaches every time you say the word moth.

I've never seen her see one, but I don't think I would like to see her see one. Well, no, the little ones we get around work. Oh, the fruit flies, the weevils. Yeah, she doesn't like those ones. The weevils and moths. Well, the greater wax moth, found in most places around the world, and is a pest in Australia, I don't even know if it's in New Zealand, is capable of hearing frequencies up to 300,000 hertz,

which is more than the bat. But why do they need good hearing? Because don't they just want the porch light? Man, they love the porch light. They love the porch light. That's not hearing, is it? If you're just sitting inside, it's just like, hello?

You got some of that light in there? I can see your light on in there. Why don't you open the door to come and get your shoes in for the night, and I'll sneak in the gap and get some of your kitchen light. Hello? So they've got eardrums to alert them of the predators. I mean, the person that's hunting them, the bat?

Yep. The bats eat the moths. Number 12 on the hearing list. They've got to have better hearing than them to avoid them. So the parent have got very, very, very simple air structures. They've got a pair of air drums. Are they dusty? They must be dusty.

Dusty ears. Dusty ear holes. Dusty ears. I'd love to get a cotton bud in there. Get it in there wet and warm and it comes out. I imagine absolute pure heaven for a moth is a cotton bud in the air and a porch light just flickering. Yeah.

It's sitting on the light just being like, it's as warm as I thought it might be. And its ears not knowing there's a bat right behind it. You can come back in, we're finished. What did you do for the need you for the jingle. For the jingle. So today's fact of the day, the best herring in the animal kingdom belongs to the moth.

Fact of the day, day, day, day, day. We're spending a couple of nights with our friends in Tiara 2 because our floors are being polished and you've got to let them cure, got to let them harden up so you can't go on them. And then yesterday we got there and they gave me a key and me and Aaron were there first. And I was like, my first suggestion

was shut down and I was a bit tired. But Aaron went and had a little nap and I was like, I'm just gonna sit downstairs and watch some TV and just have a little bit

of couch time. And I was like, this is nice. These are your good friends. So like you're making yourself at home. Yeah, yeah, absolutely. Not that at home, Vaughan. He's picking your nose. Yeah, this is nice. These are your good friends. So, like, you're making yourself at home. Yeah, yeah, absolutely. Not that at home, Vaughan.

Just picking your nose. Yeah, sorry, I am. I've just got a bit of a runny nose. COVID? Have we done a test this morning? Yes, I'm fine. Okay. I'm fine.

Anyway, I was there and I was watching telly and I was, like, having a little phone and telly time and I was like, this is nice. And then I was like, I'm a bit peckish. I didn't have any food. So I sort of went into the pantry of my friend's house and I was like,

what have they got? I'm going to say now at this point, I think you're out of order. They've, like, yeah, they're not, they're,

you're, they are not home. They're not home. Like, they're out of the goodness of their heart giving you the spare room. And these guys are really good cooks, our friends Tim and Ty,

and they have all interesting ingredients. Their fridge is always full of weird sauces and odd things. Yeah. Like, oh, yeah, nice. But there wasn't a lot of snacks. And I was like, hmm. Are they healthy people? Yeah, in general, but they're just more like they've got ingredients to make meals more than they've got like bags of this or an easy grab thing.

So then I started fishing. I was fishing through their whole pantry. I was going through, I was moving bottles. What can I find? Have a look. Saw some nuts, had a little hand in the bag. This is only acceptable to do at your parents' house. Yeah, it's never anywhere else.

Then I found a box of sesame crackers. I thought, oh yeah, I have a bit of that. I saw some peanut butter and some marmite, so I did four crackers, and I found some spreadable butter in the fridge, and I did a bit of butter and a bit of marmite on two, and a bit of butter, a bit of peanut butter on two, and I had those on the couch, crumbs everywhere.

And then I was like, I'm still a bit peckish. Yeah. And then I went back into the pantry and started moving things around, and I found a packet of super wines. Opened or unopened? Unopened.

Ooh. Oh, no, see, no, no. They could be saving those to make like a shortbread or something, like a base, a cheesecake base. I highly open them.

And I did that thing, you know, when you open a packet of biscuits, you just want to open the end, but the bag just goes slit down the middle. Yeah. Wait a sec.

The wrapper just like slits down and you're like well there's absolutely no way that's ever sealing back. Those are going to go stale so I had to have half the pack. So then I could like twist the tray, do you know what I mean, and put a peg around it like that. And then eventually they got home and they were like how are you?

I was like yeah good good good. And Ty literally was like I'm starving and they were making us dinner. She was like I need some little snacks and I was like, yeah, good, good, good. And Ty literally was like, I'm starving. And they were making us dinner. She was like, I've got to eat some little snacks. And I was like, uh-uh. And she brought out the box of crackers. Thank God, not the super wines. And it was like crackers.

And she had a couple of knobs of old cheese. I was like, I might do some cheese and crackers. I was like, I'll make them for you. I put together little platters. She didn't see that the box of crackers had four missing from them. And then eventually, it was like almost a comedy of errors because then

they cooked us a lovely dinner and at the end they said, do you want a cup of tea and a bicky? And I was like, the bickies. You're going to get busted. The bickies. I was like, absolutely, I'll definitely do a cuppa. Being like, let's just screw it. We had such a big dinner, guys. We'll'll definitely do a cuppa being like, let's just screw it we had such a big dinner guys

we'll just definitely do a cuppa and then I saw my friend you don't need biscuits such a big dinner I've already had biscuits today and then my friend Tim literally went and made us all a lovely cup of tea and then went to the pantry, got the super wines

put some on a plate and just didn't mention it. So it was almost... He might have thought they'd already been open. Tim might have thought that Ty had eaten them. Ty might think that Tim's eaten them. Little do they know. Their friend. Their friend Hayley just went a rummaging through their personal

pantry for my own snacks. Very rude. I know I'm very quick to make myself at home. I know. I've actually got a bit of laundry I need to do at your house this afternoon as well. And I hope you've got snacks because I'm starving. I've got a bit of a hack for you as we head towards the end of the week. You might be thinking, I want a nice glass of wine,

but wine is so expensive at the moment. You need not worry. Get yourself a nice cheap bottle of wine and froth it with your milk frother. Now I've got one of these. I'll aerate it. It's like, yeah, the sticks with the little whisks in it and you put the button and it goes... Is this just for red wine?

Mostly. Yeah. Yeah, because you want to aerate your red. You get those like, what, a vase? Decanter. Decanters. I was going to call it a vase. A wine vase. Yeah, because you want to aerate your red. You get those like, what, a vase? Decanter. Decanters. I was going to call it a vase. A wine vase. Sorry, I don't know about these things.

And that's the idea of those, right? If you have a cheap wine, you should always open it. If you don't have a decanter, open the lid and leave it on the counter and let it aerate a bit because it helps evaporate the less favourable sulphites and ethanol compounds. Oh my Lord, we've got a sommelier in the house. It's a 1992.

It's giving me a hawk's bay. And it makes it taste better and smoother for a cheap wine. This is a quicker, faster way of doing it and adding way more aeration to get rid of some of that awful that you get from a cheap wine.

So you'd literally just open the bottle of wine, pour yourself a glass of wine, get your milk froth up, froth it until there's visible froth on top which will settle. That'll go away, unlike milk. And drink away. And people are just going crazy for this being like it tastes so much better.

So you could have like a really cheap bottle of wine. Like a clean skin. Do you want to work for cask wine? I don't think anything's safe in that. No, I'm not being a wine snob. I'll drink a cheap, cheap wine. Yeah. I draw the line at box.

But if you are drinking a box wine. She's too good for box. No, I'm not too good. Too good for box, eh? I'm not too good. Too good for box, eh? I'm not, darling. I'm just saying. You are, darling. You have to get out the frother, darling.

When you're finished, darling, just take it out and blow it up and you've got yourself a lovely little pillow. Yeah, it's lovely, darling. Lovely little pillow for the spa. Yeah, so we can decorate the ceiling of our flat with them. You just don't want your friends from private school to hear you drink box wine.

And I get that. It's okay. I've been known to have a couple of glasses. Oh, I hear it. So it's coming out now. But from now on, I will be using my milk frother to make it taste slightly better. Is that the podcast done? Because I'm busting for a poos.

Busting for a poos. Jesus. Give us a review. ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley.