ZM's Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley - Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley's Big Pod - 16th October 2023

Episode Date: October 15, 2023

Gran's iPod  Silly Little Poll!  Flip a Coin  Top 6: Royal Emojis  Hayley's Lil Flirt!  Fix-it Fletch!  Fact of the Day Day Day Day Daaaaay!See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

The ZM Podcast Network. The Flesh, Fawn and Hayley Big Pod. Treat yourself to McCafe coffee with my Macca's rewards. Good morning, welcome to the show Flesh, Fawn and Hayley. Happy Monday, we've got a long weekend approaching. We do! This time next week it'll be Labor Day. Hooray.

This is a big week. Hooray for Labor Day. Yes, big week. Labor Day is coming. Flesh, Fawn and Hayley Live's happening big week. Hooray for Labor Day. Yes, big week. Labor Day is coming. Fletchbourne and Hayley Live's happening this week. My bathroom's getting tiled. Big week for the nation. Big week for the nation.

Big week for the nation. The nation has been waiting for you to get a bathroom. With bated breath. After, what, seven, eight months? Nearly nine. Nearly nine months with no toilet. Unreal, eh? Yeah. Also, today we're going to start Nearly nine months with no toilet. Unreal, eh? Yeah.

Also today, we're going to start the show soon with your chance to win. We're giving you the chance to see Olivia Rodrigo at Jingle Ball in LA. This is a big concert every December. We're always giving away tickets to this each year. Olivia Rodrigo headlining alongside Niall Horan, Flo Rida, Miguel and more. We've got Flo Rida. We've got Flowrider. We've got Flowrider coming, don't we? Yeah, we do.

So listen out for that activator. It is going to play in the next half an hour. When we play Olivia Rodrigo, when you hear that, call 0800-DARLS-AT-M. You're in the draw for return flights to LA, accommodation, tickets to Jingle Ball. All thanks to United Airlines as well. You'll fly. Exciting. It's going to be a great week, team Airlines as well. You'll fly. Exciting. It's going to be a great week, team.

The top six coming up on the show. Apparently Prince William's favourite naughty emoji is the eggplant. Oh, you little, you bad boy. He's a dirty little boy. He is a dirty little boy. Bad boy. Dirty little future king. So I've got the top six other favourite naughty emojis of Prince Williams.

So you remember those like docks that you'd put an iPod into? Lots of hotels had them. Yeah, they ruled. Yeah, and it had the big square dock and you'd like put it on and be like, oh my God, this is awesome. Double as like a clock. Yep. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It was everything, man. It was some real rad ones and then the iPod sat in the middle and then the speakers

were either side and it was sleek looking. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, there is a grandma that still has one of these, right? And every now and then you'll go to a hotel and there'll be the alarm clock and it still has a dock for a wide iPod on it. Give me your bloody wide iPod. Yeah still has a dock for a wide iPod on it. Give me your bloody wide iPod. You can dock onto my wide iPod.

Here, I'll charge you right up. You can get adapters that took it from the fat to the skinny for the iPod. I remember. But then it had to, like, awkwardly balance. Yeah, but now you're going to need another adapter to go to the USB-C. To the Y, to the thing, to the thing. Yeah. This is how they get you.

This is how they get you. This is how they get you. Anyway, so a 90-year-old woman still had one of these in her home. iPod in place, right? It looks like one of those clickety ones. Because those are actually worth a bit of money if you've got one

in a mint condition. But I'm not selling it because it's got a great playlist on it that I have hopes of getting off. I've still got a Nano that has a thick.

You know those little, they were like an inch by an inch? Yeah. They were so good for running. Yeah, they were great. And you could only have

like 30 or 40 songs on them. Yeah, it had a clip on the back. But I don't even have the charger. If you wanted to do a marathon,

you wouldn't have enough songs. No, I did a half marathon. They just looped. Wow. That works. Those were the days. They were good, eh?

But yeah, those original iPods were actually spinning hard disks. Yeah, I know. That's what drives. If you were going to run with them, you had to hold them in your hand as they act as a cushioning. You couldn't just strap them on somewhere. If you put your ear to it, you could hear it going and you could feel it almost vibrating. Anyway, this 90-year-old grandma, she's got one of these things and her granddaughter

shared on TikTok that she'd gone around and seen it and saw that she's seen it and she saw that her grandma's iPod was running but there was no sound coming out. So she said to her grandma, like, do you know your iPod's on? And the grandma was like,

don't touch it. Now apparently this iPod has been running for 10 years and all she does is turn the volume up and down when she wants to listen to something. So she has just had all of her songs on shuffle for 10 years

because she didn't know that you could pause it. Or turn it off. Yeah, so she just on the dock, turns the volume down or up. Oh my, and so the same songs. And can she ever fast forward? She's like, no, that one. No, no, no. Don't touch it.

Wow. How many songs? So that thing has been spinning. Yeah. Non-stop. Doesn't say how many, but like someone messaged on the TikTok, Steve Jobs lives in there, don't touch it. Your spirit's in there.

You know, she's dead right though. Like if that thing's been running for 10 years, the minute it gets disrupted. Yeah, exactly. So grandma is inadvertently correct. Yeah. So yeah, how amazing is that? Was this before they could make updates to brick your devices?

Because you know they do that now. Well, no, she's not updating. She's not. It hasn't been updated. You don't need to update. It can't be bricked because it has never been updated. That's amazing. 10 years.

Because when did I have mine? Yeah, like 2011, 2010. My big 120 gig that I loved. Go grandma. Grandma, it's so good. I just love it. She's like, don't touch it. She's like, don't touch it. She's like, you can pause it.

No. Over my dead body. Next on the show, somebody has worked out how many hours people spend writing emails every week. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley. Well, a study has been done, some research with typical employees at businesses in the US and the UK, just small business employees, people that work in offices, and they have found that the average employee spends nearly 11 hours a week. A week?

A week writing emails. I love emails. Do you know I'd say emails up there with my preferred mode of contact. I don't know why. It's just easier. It's just like you can get a bulk of information across. I can refer to it at a later date. I like it.

You've got a paper trail. You've got a paper trail. Sometimes it's important. So the average of 112 emails weekly. An average of five and a half minutes each email. Oh, no. And people think respondents in the study said only 36% of their emails are fully read and understood. 62% say that their emails and their questions go unanswered. And 51%, and if you have a difficult to spell name, will know this, 51% have been addressed by the incorrect name.

I just counted my sent 18 emails. Just today? No, last week. Oh, last week. Yeah, but you're not

in an office asking, you know, people to do stuff or working on projects. I ask people all the time to do things. You're not working

on projects with people. You don't even know the projects I'm working on at the moment. What are you working on? You wish you knew. Four know the projects I'm working on at the moment what are you working on you wish you knew four what

emails I've sent you sent four yeah you don't have big email sending oh that's actually that's only one of my inboxes

right you've got a couple Carl Wayne you send a lot of emails I do I do and last week I actually got called

Mr Jones in an email instead of Mrs Jones Mr Jones I was just about to say I was just about to say and last week I actually got called Mr. Jones in an email Mrs. Jones I was just about to say I was just about to say a classic song Mr. Jones I wish you were Mr. Jones

That's Dr. Jones How embarrassing Hold on stop for a minute How embarrassing She sung Mr. Jones It's Dr. Jones I know there embarrassed. She sung Mr. Jones, Mr. Jones. It's Dr. Jones. And she just sung it. I know there's a, oh, me.

Full-heartedly. And Mr. Jones. That's what I was thinking. That's an Amy Winehouse. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Sorry, Mr. Jones, go on. Mr. Jones? We're ready for you, Mr. Jones.

Oh, sorry, it's not Mr. Jones. You've got a hum going on in there. You've got a real hum going on. Mr. Jones, what are you up to? Mr. Jones, you've got a hum going on in your studio. I don't know if the listener can hear that. It's the air con humming away. Do these stats ring true for you as someone that sends a lot of it?

Do people ignore your questions? Yeah, absolutely. And you've got a follow-up page, see this. Oh, yeah, you do do that. Is it Vaughn who just control all and deletes his inbox daily so he doesn't have to deal with things? No, it's just when you're about to go on holiday. You just control all, delete.

Yeah, what am I going to do? Deal with this? Every Friday is the start of a two-day holiday, so... I love how you live your life. It's a throwback. I've still got, you know, I'm in that habit from where precious gigabytes on the company server had to be saved

and so they'd ask you to clean out your inbox. I remember trying to do that way back in the day. It wasn't even that long ago, really. Yeah.

Since we've been here. That is so funny. Could you clean out your inbox, guys? We've got a little bit. But then legally they have to hold on to them for seven years anyway.

I think so, yeah. That's when I stopped texting people on email. Hey, hot stuff. Look, if it's important enough They'll message Or flirt with you In real life

100% Yeah Play CDM's Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley Silly little pole Silly little pole It is so silly

Silly silly That the silly little pole Silly little pole Silly little pole Silly little pole Silly daddy, silly little boy, silly little boy, silly little boy, silly little boy, silly little boy. Be honest. Do you wash your hands every time you do wheeze? And I tell you what, you guys are yuck. Yuck.

Even if it's just a rinse, give them a good rinse. I'll do like a little fingertip rinse every now and then. You know what I mean? What do you want to get the palms? What do you want to get the palms? Just like in. Oh, do you, Shell? Look at your nails.

No, I know. That's from a hard lot of gardening. I actually cut my nails and had to scrape around, and I've got old man hands where like. Oh, they fill up. Yeah, yeah. The cracks on the kind of sort of your fingers get full of grime. Need a bath.

Soak in the bath. I will say. Soak in a scrub. Pumice. Do I need a pumice? You need a pumice, babe. Pop to the beach. I will say, and I'm going to call out the women in this building,

the amount of times I'm in that bathroom and people just walk out of the toilet and just leave. It's wild. Especially guys after a number twos. They're wild. Especially guys after a number twos. They're leaving the cubicle after a number twos and just walking straight out. There's a cubicle at work with a sink in it. Yeah, I like that one.

That's my favourite too. It's roomy. The accessible one. Yeah. Oh, that's quite roomy, Han. Got ya. Got ya. Got ya.

Got ya. Got ya. He's cancelled. That's on camera. I don't think I'm cancelled. I've installed on camera. I don't think I'm cancelled. I've installed one there. I don't think I'm cancelled. You are.

For using the accessible toilets. Yeah. Cancelled. No, they changed the name. What do they call it? It's accessible. No, no, I'm saying it's... Exactly.

It's accessible toilet. Okay. Okay. Don't get me wrong, I'd be riddled with guilt if I came out and someone was sitting there in a wheelchair and they're like, you happy with yourself? I'd be like, well, I'm not sitting in the other ones. in a wheelchair and they're like, you happy with yourself? I'd be like, well, I'm not sitting in the other ones.

They don't have the room. I can't relax. They end up in a sink. They don't even sink. And so the sink in there, whenever you're in there and you do your ablutions, few and far between work,

but it does happen, you make a real loud deal out of washing your hands and pulling the paper towels out so people know that you've washed your hands. Oh, absolutely. And you're not just

skipping straight out. You're not just leaving. Almost good for a second wash just to make sure they're known. Exactly. Wash the hell out of them. hands. Oh, absolutely. And you're not just skipping straight out. You're not just leaving. Almost good for a second wash. Yeah. Just to make sure they know. Exactly. Wash the hell out of them. Yeah.

People, yuck. Okay, so. Do you know why this was pitched as our silly little poll? It was a woman who shared that she just like never does. She was like, I don't piss on my hands. Everyone was like, it doesn't matter. You're still wiping. You're still getting near the area.

You've got to touch the bathroom door, the lock. I mean, if it's at home. The toilet paper, someone else might have had a finger go through and they got poos on their finger and then they've just inadvertently touched the toilet paper and you can't see it. Exactly.

You can't see COVID either. My chance of a breach at work too, because it's thin toilet paper. Huge chances of a breach. I will say, yeah. They call it eco in this building. Give me a break. Give me more plies. Give me more plies. call it eco in this building. Give me a break. Give me more plies.

Buddy, tissues down there. I'm putting in my contract. More plies? Wow. Next time I'm putting in my contract. More plies. Four plies? A long roll four ply.

I want some five ply. Be honest. Do you wash your hands after peeing? 49% of people said yes every time. That's not even a majority. No, it's not. They'd need a coalition partner to form a government. Exactly. They would. They'd have to team up with Hardly Ever on 6% to form a majority coalition. But they want to be careful

because not always is it 45%. So they could team up with Hardly Ever. They've got more of a shared principle system. They would get the majority in parliament. They would be so halved. We've got to say thank you for being honest. Because we said be honest. So yes, 49%. 45% said not always. 6% said hardly ever.

Let's see what these filthy pigs have got to say for themselves. I know it's scody, but if it's the middle of the night, I'm not going to flush, so I'm not touching anything gross. I think people with penises should also wash, always wash, though. Lucille? It's the back of my penis, it's the grubbier of the... Well, we don't touch our junk. You touch it to pee.

But the toilet paper's patting it dry. You don't... Oh, there could be leaks or there could be interference. Just give it a shake. But you literally hold yours. Yeah. Yeah, we don't hold anything. Oh, I don't know. It's touching the toilet paper and stuff that makes me...

More than holding your own diddle. Yeah, it's not a dirty diddle. Yeah, diddles aren't dirty. Diddles aren't dirty. They get sticky every now and then, but what you're telling me down there doesn't. It's sweaty. You're telling me down there.

I know, but it does. It is sweaty, so you don't touch it. Yours is sweaty and you're touching it. It's sweaty. You're telling me down there? No, but it does. It is sweaty, so you don't touch it. Yours is sweaty and you're touching it. It's not sweaty. Stop telling me I've got a sweaty shaft. You have a sweaty one. I'm going to tell you guys, this guy's got the sweatiest shaft.

I've got a sweaty shaft. My shaft is... Sweaty shaft smith. You know, you're seeing the cracks on the sides of my finger from, you know, my rough, dry skin. It's dry. It's all over such a dry shaft. Oh, Han. I'm going to get some Cetaphil. Get some Cetaphil on it. Get some dry. It's a dry shaft. Oh, Han.

Get some Cetaphil. Get some Cetaphil on it. Get some Cetaphil on that shaft. Ashley says, no way unless it's a public bathroom and someone has seen me coming out of the cubicle. I don't wash my hands

but I 100% always do after poos. Yeah, okay. Did we say we were going to do this anonymously? I mean, Ashley, there's a lot of Ashleys. Okay. I could give you an Instagram handle. No, don't.

She looks like a hand washer. You know, if there was a line-up and they said, eight of these people don't wash their hands, I reckon I'd pick Ashley as a hand washer every time. You'd be wrong. Amy, who the hell isn't washing their hands? What the hell is wrong with people? You have to shake people's hands like me.

What the hell is wrong? No, no, no, no, no, no, no. Cry face. Amy, nearly everyone's not washing their hands. Amy, don't touch a single hand. Do you know the other day after coming out of the toilet, I washed my hands thoroughly and then had to shake hands with John Campbell and Jack Tomei.

Oh, you did. You had a clammy hand. And no, I had a really dry hand because I used the paper towels. Oh, you dried. Always make sure I've got a dry hand. Thank God. John Campbell is a national treasure and Jack Tomei. I know. I couldn't take them out right before the paper towels. Oh, you're dry. Always make sure I've got a dry hand. Thank God. John Campbell is a national treasure and Jack Tomei. I know.

I couldn't take them out right before the election special. Exactly. If you'd given them Cryptosporidium because you're a big Queenstown water drinker, he won't be told you could have wiped out one's coverage of the election. I know. Wow, the power we have when we wash our hands. What the F, says Katrina. It's such a quick way to minimise spreading illness.

It's not that hard to wash your hands. Literally one minute. She's washing them for a full minute. Do you remember a few years ago when we had a global pandemic and they had to like run... Vaguely remember. Do you vaguely remember that? No, vaguely.

They had to run through how to wash your hands. I know. I mean, this proves. Remember the sticker? Horai to ringa ringa? Was it always that blue sticker? I'm saying it wrong, but that was like the big school thing. And then I haven't thought about it since then.

It's like the stickers on the mirrors. It's called how to wash your hands. And at home you had the one how to brush your teeth. Yeah. Gemma says, everyone who said yes are liars. I'm a woman and I don't touch my junk while wiping, so she's not washing. Yeah, but you're touching the button on the toilet,

the door handle. Yeah. You're down here, you're touching your button. Wow. You should wash your hands after that. Oh, yeah. Before and after. Ben, always do.

Ben's a chef, according to his Instagram handle. Oh, yep. Always do. I find it gross as when guys next to me in the gym toilets downwash, then go back to the machines. Don't wash. Don't wash, and then go back to the machines, especially when they don't clean the sweat off anyway.

Yeah. Yeah, yuck. They'd have a sweaty shaft, by the sounds of things. Oh, sweaty shaft. Sweaty gym shaft. If you're at the gym, now, that's an acceptable place to have a sweaty shaft. Absolutely.

Yeah. That's where you're going to accumulate some sweat on the shaft. You don't want to talc, do you? Would that form a paste? That would form a paste. That would form a cornflour paste. That's what you're doing down there. Sam says...

A couple of giant marshmallows down there. Classic man. Lightly dusted. Flesh-col coloured marshmallows. Sam said, I can hear everybody that ticked not always saying, I don't piss on my hands.

That's pretty much what everybody said. Rochelle, sometimes I can't be bothered but I'll still turn on the tap and stand there for a while. This is insane, Rochelle. You're turning on the tap.

You might as well. You're using Earth's resources. I get it. I get it though. To feign washing. Just like tap on, tap on. It's taking the same amount of time. Just dip your hands in there.

Wash the damn hands. I love, I appreciate people's honesty though. So do I. I really appreciate it. It meant we got an honest poll. But wash your hands, you grubby buggers. Yeah, come on now. Play ZM's Fletch Vodden Ailey.

Play ZM. Well, tossing a coin's always been a way to decide something, apparently unbiased. I'm a coin toss. A lot of sports before they start, like which way will they, like rugby, they do a coin toss, don't they? Which way they'll face. Cricketers, they always start with a coin toss.

A lot of sports do. And then you win. Sorry, I was yawning. I'm very bored. Our apologies. We'll try to spice it up. You don't get enough sleep, Han. I don't know.

I don't think so. Never get enough sleep. So apparently the way it is by us is what way it's facing when the toss begins. Oh, okay. Of course. But by how much though? It can't be by much.

0.8%. So 50-50, it's 50.8 versus 49.2. Jeez, and when we're talking about this, the people must know. So when someone's about to toss a coin, he'd say no. You say, you'd be the annoying person that goes, wait, wait, what way is facing up? But wouldn't it, the way it's facing up then doesn't matter because it's about

how hard you flick it. Because then you're getting how many spins. If I flick soft, I'm getting a few spins. If I flick hard, I'm getting more spins. I wouldn't dare say this without the evidence to back it up. Thank you. European researchers have conducted more than 350,000 coin tosses. What a fun life.

Oh, your thumbnail would hurt after a while. I like to imagine it's a machine. All right. So I like how they got it up. But also, do you catch it and whatever's facing up? No, slap. Yeah, slap it onto the back of the hand. Yeah.

But they got a lot of people to do this. It wasn't like one coin, one person doing it 350,000 times, was it? No, it was a lot of people. So lots of varying factors. Different coins as well. They used different coins. Lots of different coins, yes. So it wasn't like a coin that was heavier on one side.

Yep. Coins from 46 different countries were used in the experiment. Jeez. All the different people did it, and they had to take down their results. And yeah, it came up in favour ever so slightly of whatever way was facing up when the toss began was the way that was the one that was more likely to end up. Imagine telling your mum, I'm a scientist.

Oh yeah, what kind of experiments are you doing at the moment? Well, we're tossing coins. Yeah, I'm not a real scientist. I'm a scientist. Oh, yeah, what kind of experiments are you doing at the moment? Well, we're tossing coins. Yeah, I'm not a real scientist. Thousands of times. I'm a statistician. Isn't that science too? Yeah, but just call yourself a statistician because otherwise you're going to get heaps of science questions

that you just don't have the ability to answer. Oh, interesting. I'm always got tails. I'm always tails. Got a real like draw towards tails. It feels funkier than heads. Well, now it's just go, because a head is always a head. It's always the queen's face.

Yeah. Soon to be the king's face. Yeah. But depending on what coin you're using, it could be a bird or a ship or a lizard. Yeah, it could be a lizard. No, wait. Does that make the coin... The two of tatas was on the five-set piece.

He's gone. Does that make a coin heavier on one side if there's more embossed kind of... That's a very good question. Don't know. You know, like the Queen's head on one side and then there's a tiny bird on the other side. I wonder if that's something that has to be taken

into consideration in coin design. Yeah, weight distribution. Yeah. Because what have we got? We've got the Taniwha. That's on the 10. And then we've got... What's on the 20?

Is the Endeavor? Is that on the 50?ifa. That's on the 10. And then we've got, what's on the 20? Is the Endeavor? Is that on the 50? The Endeavor's on the 50. On the 50. And then, yeah, the Grey Heron's on the 2, the white-faced Grey Heron. Oh, the Kiwi's on the 20, if you pardon. See, the Grey Heron is... There's a Tiki on the 20 as well.

A lot smaller than the Queen's head. Yeah, tiny. Doesn't take up as much. Yeah. This one, you know, with the Maori carving, we've got two versions of the 20. Right. Kiwi on the one as well.

Okay, well, if there's a coin toss and it's something important, like who gets the front seat, make sure you know what's on top. And maybe pick the heavier side as the down would be the downside. Yeah, I don't know if that's a thing. When are we getting the King's coins, by the way?

I saw Australia have released some of their coins have started with the King's head. It looks weird. He's knocked it side on. I've got to say, yeah, they've given it a bit of a touch. Not the profile of his mother. His mother had a strong profile. Yes, she did. Play.

ZM's Fletchvorn and Hayley. From the self-driving ZM think tank, this is the top six. Let me tell you a little story about a man who'll be king. He likes the aubergine. He was asked, Prince William was asked

on BBC Radio 1 what his favourite emoji was. Is this a clan thing or is this like the family one? He was asked and he said, I've been told not to say the aubergine so I'm going to have to pick something else,

which is the eggplant. It would have been aubergine but now that I'm saying because I've got a little, because I've got to be a grown up, it's the one where the eyes go up and down and the mouth's out. The mouth's out?

The eyes go up and down and the mouth's out? The mouth's out? The eyes go up and down and the mouth's out? Is that that one? Like the cringy roll your eye? Yeah, maybe. He's a terrible job of describing that. Because all he's thinking about now is aubergines. Kate said it's got to be the heart, then the crying emoji,

then the hysterical laughing when things go wrong. Weird to think that they're just messaging people, eh? Who are they messaging? Each other? What's your phone number? 027, you know, like, what is it? When asked also in the interview he confessed he wasn't able to enjoy spicy

food. I can't do too much spice. I start sweating. It's not attractive. Who had that guy picked as someone who couldn't handle much spice? Everyone. Everyone, yeah. That'll be his emoji. It'll be the eyes going up and down and the tongues out. Yeah, it's like a Oh, oh, everyone. Everyone, yeah. That'll be his emoji. It'll be the eyes going up and down and the tongues out. Yeah, it's like a black, black, crazy. Oh my God, the king uses that?

Like the future king? Well, I've got the top six other dirty emojis that Prince William loved. Okay. But he's too afraid to tell everybody. Number six on the list, a green heart. Oh, yeah. He's a big Chloe Swarbrick fan. Yeah.

Tell me why I'm a dirty king to be, you socialist. Yes. That's why he's into that. Man of the people. Well, I think she got re-elected. Yeah. You'll be happy about that. Yeah.

She's not in my electoral, but she's not in my area, but I'm happy. She's in your heart. She's in my heart. She's in your heart. Yeah. Number five on the list of the top six other dirty emojis Prince William loves. He loves the lipstick. Oh, yeah.

He sends that to Catherine. Oh, Catherine, I've gone full Labrador and I'm showing you my lipstick. Number four on the list of the top six other dirty emojis. Number four is the crown emoji. Sort of self-explanatory. Yeah. Guess who's going to be king? Me, darling.

Me, I'm going to be king now. Play with my crown jewels. Number three on the list of the top six dirty emojis that Prince William loves. And he sends them to Catherine. Number three, the chocolate donut. Enough said. Number two. Born Alan Smith.

Number two on the list of the top six dirty emojis that Prince William loves. The Pinocchio emoji. Catherine sends him a photo like, do you like this dress, oh future king? And he says, no, I don't. Number one on the list of the top six dirty emojis that Prince William loves. Love sending to Catherine. Number one, the earthworm. It's a bit bent.

It's all, it's very wiggly. I've got a wiggly worm. I've got a wiggly worm for you. In my trowel for you, Catherine. It's going to get all through your compost, Paul. It's a sexy analogy. Yeah, it's something. You've got to borrow and make very rich compost. Oh, yes.

It's a little worm getting all through your garden. That's today's top six. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley. Now, I pride myself on my parallel parking. Sometimes I'll even drive around looking for a smaller car park, you know, just to challenge myself. Right. I've witnessed your parallel parking. It's very good.

I'm good. I'm tight. I'm good to the curb. I'd like to think I'm a good parallel parker. Vaughn, you're good? Yep. So you're good? Yeah.

I can get in there. We're good. There's these awful little, where we go for yumcha, there's these awful little one and a half car parks. Yeah. They're awful.

If you've ever been to the Viaduct in Auckland, they're parking around there, they planted trees, which are going to grow too big and the roots are going to destroy everything. It was very badly,

now this will surprise you. But he's a council planner. The Auckland Council made some terrible decisions. This will surprise you all. But they've got these one and a half car length car parks and they drive me crazy

because a car will park right in the middle. Huge gap in the front, huge gap in behind, but not enough room. The other day, someone was quite far forward and I parked the Santa Fe.

Ooh, the Santa Fe. That's a biggie. It's a biggie. And you know what I did? I put the back two wheels Ooh, the Santa Fe. That's a biggie. That's a biggie. And you know what I did? I put the back two wheels up in the tree thing. I was like, that's your fault.

Yeah, to be fair. That's your fault. Poor planning from the council. Poor planning. Were your family embarrassed by that parking? When we got back because I dropped them off outside.

Oh, yeah. As tradition says, car parking is going to be such a hassle to find. I'll drop you off. You go get a table. Hell yeah. Get the ball rolling. Get those shumais rolling, baby.

I want to walk in. I want there to be a little plate of hot sauce, soy sauce and chilli sauce. Yes, there's a difference between chilli oil and hot sauce. Of course. You know what, that's all. I want a tea. I want a beer. I want to have all that ready.

I want some pork shumai. Yes, prawn shumai. Prawn. I want some early dumplings. Maybe some soup ones if they've got the go on. Yeah, good stuff. Rolled rice rolls. Let's start.

Let's go. Let's go. Let's go. I want to hit the ground running. And then when we got back to the car, they were like, why did you park like this? I was like, because of these annoying one and a half parks. Yeah.

Yeah. I know. Well, apparently they did a study. There was like an auto trader company in the UK that did a study. And they got people to wear those heart rate monitors, you know, the ones you strap across your chest. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. And get a baseline heartbeat where you're sitting at.

And then parallel park. On average, their heartbeats, their BPMs rose 57%. Wow. When attempting to parallel park. One person's, the most nervous, jumped to 84% higher. You could try this yourself if you had an Apple Watch. Because you can just put it on your phone and just see. I don't go down, I'm so confident.

You're so relaxed. You know what I mean? You're so relaxed. In the producer's booth, Shannon, how many times have you parallel parked? Zero. Never done it. Don't know how. Did you not do it in your license test?

No, so I don't know. Oh, you don't have your full license. I don't have my full, but in my restricted, he said, do you know how to parallel park? I said, I'm going to level with you. No. And he said, okay. And he just let me have one car in front of me. So there was no one behind.

So you just drove straight in? Pretty much. Oh my God. And then, yeah, yeah, still to this day I kind of only like to park on my left side as well. If the park's only like, if I have to turn right into it, I'll go the lane down. Oh my god. I'm so unconfident.

You live in Auckland though, like we've got to take a park when you can get it. Nah, I'll walk. Or I'll Uber. Like from the park. Like I'll park down the road and then head over. I love the science of it. Lining up. I mean my dad was lining up the mirrors. Get your mirror in line with their mirror with this distance and then

When you pull it off you're just like and then grab. It's like it's instinct. Can you teach me? Yeah you should. I can teach you. Carwaine are you confident? I've just recently moved and I have to so I'm learning to.

Getting better. The Aquas are lovely small. The Jimneys are absolutely treat to parallel park. You can park anywhere because it's small cars. You can just go nose in, can't you? Because it's not that big. Yeah. God, I've seen you put that thing in just motorcycle car parks.

I do often park in a motorcycle car park. Jared, do you parallel? Yeah. Fortunately, I drive a Vitz, and in the New Zealand rental market, there's only ever one car park, so I've always been on the road. Yeah, right.

Shop's fine at the New Zealand rental market there. I've got a few points. And they're lacking car parking. I don't know if you know what happened at the weekend with the election, but I'd just keep your mouth shut if I knew. Your landlord's going to hear about this and have you evicted.

No cause, no warning, no repercussions. But the heart rate doesn't get up with your parallel parking? No, I take great pride in it. I won't stop parallel parking unless I'm within a centimetre off the pavement. Yeah, I love that. Pretty good. It is terrible when there's a car up your butt. Yeah, I feel like technology's taken the fun out of it.

You know, like the beep, beep, beep, beep, beep. All those cars that do it themselves. Yeah, and they've got the sensors. Or the cars that, yeah, do it themselves. I used to have a car that didn't have a sensor and my mum crashed it twice because she was like, that didn't beep at me. And I was like, oh, for God's sake. They don't all do that, do they?

They see these mirrors that we're surrounded by, you use those. Play ZM's Fletch Vaughan and Hayley. A photo opportunity more than a landmark, maybe. Like the L&P bottle is a photo opportunity. Yeah. Also a landmark. Also a landmark.

There's two of them too. God, the first time I ever got a photo with it, I got the one with the little one. Oh, no. You got the new bottle. Yeah. Not the swapper bottle. Yeah.

Oh, no, you've got to go. Yeah, silly girl. I put it up on Facebook. Everyone was like, lame, wrong one swapper bottle. Oh no, you've got to go. Oh yeah, silly girl. On Facebook, everyone was like, lame, wrong one. Wrong one. How did you go through Pairoa and miss the main one? Not looking. It was my first ever road trip

where I'd driven with friends from Wellington to Auckland and we were like, let's go this way. That's a detour. Yeah, right. No, we were dropping off a friend a detour. Yeah, right. No, no, no. That's a huge detour. No, we were dropping off a friend in Thames. Oh, okay.

Still friends with her? Sounds like she should have got the intercity. We've drifted apart. Right. Well, fair enough. When you go to Thames, you know, life changes. Well, this is a Springfield donut. And apparently there must have been some,

somebody must have requested a look into it. Right. Like official Information Act emails from the council. I think it's because the district has spent $17,864 repainting the donut four times. That someone was obviously not happy about that as a rate payer, so looked into it and then got a whole lot of other information about it. Well, if you're not happy about that,

I've got some news for you. Nobody's taking a photo in your town if you didn't have it. If you don't have a donut, you're not stopping. No one's even stopping in Springfield. No one's even stopping

if it wasn't for that donut because it's a great photo op. We've stopped there many times. We've stopped on our way to the Wild Foods a couple of times. Yeah. Great.

It's a great spot. We stopped on the way there and we liked it so much we stopped on the way back. Yeah. And we spent money in that town we would not have otherwise times. Yeah. Great. It's a great spot. We stopped on the way there and we liked it so much we stopped on the way back. Yeah. And we spent money in that town we would not have otherwise spent. Yeah.

That's how it works. So we stopped for these things. The carrots, the corrugated sheep, the gumboot. The Owekuni carrot. That's a great, yeah. Yeah, the Taihapi gumboot.

We love that. People don't stop enough for the big fish in the South Island. The gore fish. Nah, it's not as, it needs to be more comical. What if he had a bra on? Oh, I'm sorry.

A jumping fish doesn't meet your chuckle standards. What if he's wearing a bikini, though, and he's like, ooh. So you're thinking they need to chuckle up the fish. I think so, yeah. To get people to stop. I agree. Like you say, put on a bra or. Yeah, a coconut bra or something silly.

Coconut bra and a moustache. That's too silly. You can take a photo of that. Cromwell has a giant fruit. Yeah, they're something silly. Coconut bra and a moustache. That's too silly. You can take a photo of that. Cromwell has the giant fruit. Yeah, they're not silly. They're not Chuckles McGee. Do they have googly eyes on them? Yeah, they are a little bit silly

because they're a little bit phallic. It's all... Oh, okay. You've got phallic. Yeah. That's another thing to stop for, is it? Phallic. So what are they concerned about?

And I'll give them this. It's a weird height. There's stairs up the back that you can walk on and kind of like stand in, but they're saying you shouldn't be climbing into it. And it is a weird height. If you go in from the front, you can get a little bit like beached out, like if a low car goes over a speed hump. So what's safety concerns?

Safety concerns that people would jump into it from the back and just slide over the front, smash their face on the ground. But you land on grass or the bark, right? Astro turf. Oh, okay, astro. But it's only a small bit of astro. Yeah. There.

And it's a play. They say it's not a play item. It's purely for photos. So they said if people are going to hurt themselves, they were doing something that they shouldn't have been doing. In the area anyway. A safety bar in the middle of the donut? Oh, but now it's lame.

Yeah, I know. You can't say anything. Well, do they want to lower it to the ground? Because what's the gap between the donut and the ground? Quite a bit. Quite a bit. Yeah. They could definitely crawl under it.

Yeah. You couldn't limbo under it. You wouldn't want Nana falling from the hole. Well, no, I wouldn't push Nana into the hole. Yeah, but Nana either stands in front of the donut and the family is in the hole of the donut or Nana's in the hole of the donut. Well, you're not going to get a whole family

in the hole of the donut. It's a big hole. It has to be a skinny family. A skinny family. A tiny family. Core four family. Two adults, two kids could. Maybe a solo mum with a single kid. Yeah, I think so. Dad's got to be out of the picture. But at least the grandparents have died.

Dad's literally out of the picture and Anne out of the picture. Yep. Yeah. What did you say? Someone needs to die. No, unless Grandad's died or someone's died.

You're not going to get the whole family in that whole one. You just won't. I mean, I've been in the whole of the Springfield Donut and it was

just big enough for me. Yeah, but you're quite big boned. Yeah, well, I retain a lot of water. He does. Yeah, that's what I mean. He just really, yeah. You have mum, dad, the kids all in front of the donut. Yeah.

The grandparents. Grandma at the back. No, grandma on the floor. Don't get grandma up the stairs. Maybe grandma could lie down flat. Who's going in the hole in the donut in this scenario that you're running? I don't know, the kids or the youngest person.

And maybe a bit more height. You've got to get creative kids or the youngest person. Yeah. A bit more height. You've got to get creative with it, I think. Yeah. Well, I mean, that's just great. We've solved that problem. Is that another one solved? I've never been. I've never been to this place.

Oh, it's lovely. It's not. What do you mean? It's lovely. Apart from the doughnuts. We've just established that the doughnuts are the only thing worth stopping for. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

There was the Krabby. Apologies to our Springfield listeners. There was the Krabby store owners. There was the Krabby store owners and then they finally chucked in the towel. They were yeah, yeah, yeah. There was the Krabby. Apologies to our Springfield listeners. There was the Krabby store owners. There was the Krabby store owners and then they finally chucked in the towel. They were fun. We encountered them. Yeah, we got,

they were screaming at each other. Oh. Yeah, so great. Well, take care. Take care. Take care on these large icons of ours. Play ZM's Fletch Vaughan and Ailey. Play ZM.

Jennifer Lopez and Ben Affleck, they're like, people are so fascinated by them because they were in love, then they spent years apart, different marriages, came back together, and she is just this light of life and he's just a little grumpy bum. He's less grumpy and alcoholic looking than he was. I know, but you see them out.

I mean, God, I know. He had a few bloody rough years there, didn't he? Didn't he? But you do see them out and about. Like I said, I saw this red carpet thing and he just comes out of the limo like, and just goes off and she's like, hi, everyone.

Well, they get papped quite a bit and he looks like he's just been told off. Yeah. Or they're having a little, having a little stop bitchy resting face. I looks like he's just been told off. Yeah. Or they're having a little, having a little stop bitchy resting face. I just think he's just got one of those faces, it's like, you know, sometimes I'll accidentally open the front

facing camera on my phone and be like, cheer up, mate, and then it's me. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And that's just my face. That's just what I've been, my wife keeps saying to me, friendly face. That's when I've got like an angry friendly face. Not, because I asked her when we were away, I was like, do I have a friendly face? Oh, that's right.

And she's like, she laughed at my face. Oh, yeah, okay. She's like, no, you don't at all. You look so unapproachable. Yeah, I've got a bitchy resting face too. Yeah, you do. Whereas I'm just an open book. You've got a natural smile. Whereas I'm just, I don't, yeah. And I don't want to be bothered, so don't. I'm just a bit cuddly

teddy bear though, underneath it all. Underneath it all. Hard exterior don't want to be bothered, so don't. I'm just a bit cuddly teddy bear though underneath it all. Underneath it, a hard exterior. A couple of bad boys, but hard to go. So they've been spotted this week, last week, three times going through the McDonald's drive-thru. Three separate occasions. Could you imagine anything worse than the paparazzi following your every move when you leave the house?

It would be horrible. What? You couldn't do a sneaky Maccas run at like one in the morning. Or nine in the morning. But also I don't understand why celebrities don't do deliveries like Uber Eats and stuff. I think they were just out and about. Or are the paparazzi going to see? I think they were just out and about.

Right. Okay. So they were already out. So they're like, let's swing by. It's so human. He, okay. So they're already out so they're like, let's swing by. It's so human. He's there. Yeah. In the drive,

pulling up, saying their order, getting it, waiting. She gives me big filet-o-fish energy. Thank you. No, not a compliment. I take that as a compliment.

Not the compliment you thought it was. I take that as a compliment. She gives me big throw away the buns, just the filet energy. God, no, because they're steamed buns so she's on board with that.

Yeah, right. I love the buns, steamed buns. So then you see him and he hoons into a cheesy B, just like in the car with the yellow wrapper and chucks it. I just love it. I reckon he goes primary burger, secondary burger, and then cheesy B. And probably some nugs as well. He gives me Big Mac, Quarter Pounder, and cheesy B on the road.

Because if I'm going all out, I'll get a McChicken, a Filet-O-Fish and Nuggies. Do you know what I mean? Yeah. Anyway, as you say, imagine what it would be like if paparazzi followed you everywhere and what the headlines, because this headline, Jennifer Lopez, Ben Affleck make third in capitals trip to McDonald's drive-thru in a week.

I was thinking about what would the headline be if paparazzi followed you? Oh, okay. Like yesterday, radio broadcaster Hayley Sprouse spotted outside local liquor store at 10.30, only to discover it opens at 11. It's a long headline. It's too long.

You might need to work on the headline shortening. But they're kind of embarrassing things that you do that you're like, well, it doesn't matter because I don't have paparazzi following me. You want to take some calls. I want to take some calls. What would the headline be if paparazzi followed you? Like imagine if the paparazzi saw what was in your supermarket trolley when you wheeled it out to the car.

Yes. Watch out, red wine industry. A shortage is ahead. Sprout spotted with cart loaded. Mine from the weekend would have been local man asked eight times how long sledgehammers will be on bench.

So I'm restoring some sledgehammers. Oh my god, that's a lame one. No one, that's not even going to be in the news. Even if you were being athletic. How long are these going to be here for? Yeah. Fletch, what would yours be? God, local inner city apartment has revolving door. Yeah.

Wow. Ouch. Carl Fletch's revolving door of lovers. Yes. Great. Who was spotted going in to level? There's a lot of people living in that apartment building. You can't pin everyone on me.

Well, just, you know. What would the headline be? Somebody has just said they might be playing McDonald's Monopoly. That's why they've been back because they're real close together. Because they are doing that in a few places at the same time because normally it's all like, because I think they're doing it in the UK at the same time. Yeah.

Someone's texting, here's an example to get us started. Okay. Tracy has yet another coffee Could have sponsored five children by now And it's only lunchtime Yeah, that's the thing Because the paparazzi would see how many times you get a coffee Wow, this is great

Okay, well we want to take your calls 0800 DALZITM Imagine that the paparazzi follow your every waking move in public Yeah What would the headline be? What would the headline be? What would the headline be? Just the trivial, silly things. Yeah.

Sprout. Sprout seemingly ditches bra. What's behind the bold move? That's today's headline. What a great notion we have here. Sharing the headlines. You know, Fletch doubted you could do it on a Monday morning, didn't he? I did, I did.

He doubted. He's like, no, I think we're going to be asking too much of our people on a Monday morning. And I said, give them the benefit of the doubt. What we have asked is if the paparazzi were following you, what would the headline be? Because the headline for Jennifer Lopez and Ben Affleck is J-Lo and Ben make third trip to McDonald's drive-thru in a week.

There have been times that I've been to show sponsor McDonald's more than three times in a week. Dude, there's been times I've gone more than three times in a day. Don't even worry about it. But like, I'm just loving those little like private things you do or things that you're like, oh, I'm having a rough one. So if the paparazzi followed you, what would the headline mean? Sarah, good morning.

Good morning. Good morning. What would the headline be? Oh, Sarah finally goes to the gym after a month at home. Why the big turnaround? Hey, good for you. Sometimes you've got to take a month off, you know? Well, you do.

Like, it's been a rough winter, and I've had a couple of overseas holidays, and I did my best to get ready for those. And as soon as I've come home, it's like, it's all over. It's really important to let the muscle fibres heal. That's what I did. I did a good three month muscle fibre healing session and for me I feel they're

finally healed and I'm back. I love it. Why the big turnaround? There's a big turnaround that summer's coming. Yes, I'm terrified. Sarah, just remember everybody has a beach body. Yeah, exactly. How do you turn your body into a beach body? You take it to the bloody beach, don't you?

Take it to the beach. Yes. That's right. But good for you. I'm with you today as well, so I'll see you at the gyme. I haven't gone yet, so my yoga class is 10.15, so wish me luck. Yes! That's a terrible time for yoga.

Good luck. Who's running a yoga class at 10.15? Becky, what would the headline be if the paparazzi followed you? Breaking. Becky's still seeing her ex after breakups three weeks ago. Desperate for love or desperate for closure? Oh, yes! I love this.

Oh, Becky. Who broke up with who? Did you break up with him? No, she broke up with me. Sorry, she. Okay, wow. Who broke up with who? Did you break up with him? No, she broke up with me. Sorry, she. Okay, wow. Wow. But you just haven't made the break?

Not really, no. No, we're still, like, real good friends. Okay. Like, really good? Like, how good? Real good friends. Like, really good. Okay. So she called it off, yet still wants the pud.

Well, yeah, I guess we both still want it. So, you know. Wait a minute. I know. I didn't know where that was going. You both sniggered like children. So she's like, no relationship, but let's still muck around. That's okay.

Interesting. Well, I love it. Desperate for love or desperate for closure? Yeah. Wow. I tell you what, the paparazzi, I mean, not even Becky knows the answer to that question. Yeah. I hope.

I'm going to follow the story with great interest and get myself a Hello magazine. I'm hooked. Amanda, what would the headline be if the paparazzi followed you? Amanda's spotted with a sneaky full sugary Red Bull while she claims to be switching to Red Bull Zero. You know what? It doesn't taste the same, though, does it? No, it doesn't.

It's got a funny aftertaste. I'm finishing my sugary Red Bull in the car now and I've got a Zero in my bag for work. Well, you know, good for you. You've got to do what you've got to do to get through the day. Mind you, if it hasn't given you wings by now, I don't know if it's going to. Yeah.

Amanda, brilliant. Thank you. Some messages in. Large animal vets seen popping squat on side of road. Somebody there's stuck to your horses and your cows. The vet themselves aren't large. Well, they might be. They don't say.

But they're a large animal vet, so they specialise in horses and cows, and they had to pop a squat on the side of the road. Oh, no. Sometimes you just go. You've got to go. You've got to go. Local mum at supermarket for fifth day in a row, despite saying I'm only going once this week.

Local girl parallel parks for the first time in front of doctor's clinic. Yay! Only to find out appointment was yesterday. Oh. Brilliant. parks for the first time in front of doctor's clinic. Only to find out appointment was yesterday. But the parking's an achievement in itself. Yeah. Hannah stops again at 7am for another V in chocolate bar combo. Hashtag breakfast of champions.

Teacher is asked, what are we doing now for the 60th time today? And it's only morning tea. Oh dear. Yet again, Bressie spotted overloading her hands carrying too much crap from her car to the gym and not quite making it. Bring a bag, woman.

Everyone just deserves their own paparazzi now. I love it. Breaking, Becky hasn't left her room in two days. Oh, Becky, get a whiff of the beautiful weather today. Local woman trips over tree root while walking home drunk, still has wine glass in hand,

amazingly manages to save herself from injury and wine glass. Yes. Oh my God. Also, that wine glass was from a bar, wasn't it? What a heartache. But they've got such nice glasses. Teacher swears under breath at child again.

Yeah. Claire pushes another pool door as rumours of meltdown abound. Imagine being like an A-list celebrity and they got you pushing a pool door. Clarice deciding to hold it after cleanliness and functionality of

service station toilet doesn't meet height standards. Oh my god. I love this. Woman goes running in rain wearing Woman goes running in rain wearing shower cap. Christchurch local cleans under bed and discovers an entire

library. Wow. What discoveries were made? Vintage books. Anne goes out for coffee again after being spotted with calculator at pack and save because she's so bored. These are great.

And just be thankful you don't have paparazzi following your every movement. Maybe it's good for us to just live life pretending like we do have the paps on our tail. That's how I'm going to proceed. Right. Good luck. Rather than a woman receives another email that's how I'm going to proceed right yeah good luck rather than

a woman receives another email from Uber asking are you alright is she getting okay there's a real what's that isn't that what's that thing

missed connections lost connections you know it used to be in like newspapers and people would write and be in like newspapers And people would write And be in like 12pm train From this place

To this place Girl in blue dress We Caught eyes I feel like That used to be a big thing Like a few years ago On social media

Someone would be like I saw this girl on a train And then The internet would try To connect them together But now it's like That's a bit creepy A bit creepy yeah

Yeah Well Maybe this could be Happening now Oh are you about to be creepy The internet would try to connect them together. But now it's like that's a bit creepy. A bit creepy, yeah. Well, maybe this could be happening now. Oh, are you about to be creepy? I'm about to be a bit creepy. Okay, she's about to be creepy. But I was reading the room correctly, I reckon. Oh, do you reckon?

I voted on Friday, actually, and I was in the area and I was like, oh, I'll just quickly go do it now because I had a busy Saturday. And I pulled up to the voting place and I remember I was seeing all these people, different ages and colours and everything. And I was like, isn't this great? Isn't this great? So we were all just coming together to vote and exercise our right. And this is great. And then I walked in there and I was in a bit of a line to vote.

And then behind me, a whole bunch of military turned up. And I was like, yeah, in full camo. Was it a coup? It wasn't a coup. I love an election day coup. I love a military coup. No, it wasn't a military coup. They were just there themselves to vote.

Oh, wow. Okay. These weren't doomsday preppers. Sometimes they'll turn up in sort of military regalia and you really have to be like, what's going on? Well, I had the New Zealand Army. Oh, I know, they're legit. Okay, legit.

Emblemon. Yeah, right. They didn't have upside down flags and like sovereign citizen written somewhere. No, they didn't have that. Great, fantastic. Those are the doomsday preppers. The ones to look out for.

Well, the reason I knew this is because I stopped to have a bit of a stare because I've got lots of friends in the military, in the army band in particular, and they wear their camos when they're casual. Well, you don't want anyone seeing you. You just want to have a floating tuba walking down the street. Yeah, you don't want that.

Exactly. I just want a drum, a tuba, a trombone going for a walk down the street. Who was playing that flute? How bizarre. So I turned to have a little bit of a stare to be like, I wonder if any of my friends, you know, because they're usually bass and crush, which I'll to have a little bit of a stare to be like, I wonder if any of my friends, you know, because they're usually based in Christchurch, I'll just have a little look. And then I

noticed that about 80% of them were women. And I was like, wait a minute. In the armed services? What do they do when they menstruate? I don't know. How would they go to war and bleed? Countries will be getting invaded left, right and centre on a whim. I know. I don't like the way she looked at me.

I know, exactly. Well, speaking of the way we looked at her, me and this one female soldier caught eyes. Really? We certainly did. I think she must have looked at me because I was looking behind and then maybe she thought that I was having a perv rather than looking for friends.

And then when we caught eyes, I was like, I'm not having a perv. And then I caught eyes again. I was like, now I'm perving. Now I'm perving. You think she was enjoying the perving? Yeah, because she was sort of smiling at me. And I was sort of smiling at her. It made the whole thing so much more exciting.

But wait, what if she was like your Hayley Sproul comedian? Oh, yeah, I do forget that people know my face. And Dabla. And onabla. And Dabla. And on the radio. But the eyes weren't like, because if people see me in a, and they're like fans or something,

I can tell that look, because they kind of go, but like that, where she was like. I want to undress that woman. A little bit, a little bit, a little bit, a little bit. A little bit, a little bit, a little bit. A little bit.

Big call from you, because she literally could have just been like, that's the host of the Great Kiwi Baking Show. No, I think it was, that's the host of my heart. Wow. There was a connection. And then I went in and then I did that thing. You know when you're now aware that maybe you're sort of wanting

to impress someone and then I couldn't walk? Oh, my God. I know. You've seen me do this. I've seen you do this and I'm just like, what is this, high school? You have seen me do it. You can say, I mean, everyone can see. You can see it when I did that Jason interview.

I just like get this like a whole embarrassing behaviour going on. And then I got, I was so flustered by it that I got into my booth and I knew who I was voting for. And when I looked at the sheet and I was like, and I like couldn't, and then I was panicking that I had ticked the wrong box. So I just stood there for ages being like, there's the party, tick on that one. There's the person, tick on that one.

Cause I was all thrown. And then I had to leave. And that's when it was like a bit of a, cause they have a snake. So you can't see what people are doing. And it was like mist. She was going into the boxes as I was leaving the boxes. Did you have another

did you have another like glance or another eye lock? I tried but she was then caved by the boxes. Yeah. Shields. Yeah. What could have been? Me and Well I think she just recognised you. Now was it the uniform? The uniform

sometimes they add like 10 points. You know I've dabbled in military before. Yeah. And the uniform. And the real thing about the cops, the cops with the tight sleeves. No, absolutely. Yeah. That would be really interesting one day to talk about like when you saw someone in uniform

and you're like, and then you saw them out and you're like, oh. Oh. It was the uniform. It was. Oh, you're terrible. Yeah. Yeah. Like when you see someone not on the ski field.

Yeah. Yeah. Oh. Yeah. Oh. Wow, very thin in the uniform. It was. Oh, you're terrible. Yeah. Yeah. Like when you see someone not on the ski field. Yeah. Yeah. Oh. Wow. Very thin in the leg. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley. I did a bit of fix it, fixing at the weekend. Did you?

Love a bit of fixing. Do you remember like backstory when I was, before I retired as an influencer? You remember? God, I loved your content though. It was great content. You taught me how to highlight the cheekbones. Thank you. Yeah.

With the contouring. This is, I'd say a couple of years ago, I got the new Dyson. Ages ago. Ages ago. The stick Dyson. Must be nice. What V were you up to then? V, I don't know, but it's pretty flash.

V12? Yeah, maybe. Or V10? No, V12. I don't know. I think we have the V10. Well, this is the same question I had at the weekend, because I got some error lights, and it wasn't sucking.

Gosh. And I... Because they think everybody goes, ooh, ooh. Yes. Ooh. Because, you know, they've got these filters at the end of your tank, and if you've got to submerge them in water and wash them, which is so weird.

But then dry them thoroughly before you put them back. So I did that, and a couple of days later I put it on. It was all dry, the filter, and then it was still going, go, zoo, zoo, zoo. And I was like, what the hell is this? And I emptied the thing, and I put the filter on, and it was like, zoo, zoo, zoo. And I was like, oh, my God, I don't know what to do here.

Sorry, just that sound one more time. Did you get a bit of fluff? Yeah, right. A bit of fluff in your pipe. So I took the pipe off, and I looked down, and I was like, I can see the what to do here. Sorry, just that sound one more time. Did you get a bit of fluff? Yeah, right. A bit of fluff in your pipe. So I took the pipe off and I looked down at it and I was like, I can see the end. Crystal clear. And then I pretended it was a.

Didgeridoo. Oh, did I get cancelled for that? No, you're right. Gotcha. Gotcha. Gotcha. We're going to film. Gotcha.

You're done, mate. You're toast. Although the way Australia voted at the weekend, they probably wouldn't care at all, actually. Nope, they just don't. They wouldn't, though. Anyway, sorry. That's another story.

I can't even. And then I was like, well, maybe it's the head where, is that what it's called? The big thing that has the wheel thing in it that's on the floor? I've got metal chopsticks. I got one of those out and I was fishing around in there. I was like, there's nothing there. Put the thing, it was like.

So I looked online and it said that, yeah, there might be a blockage. And I was like, well, I've checked. And then so I opened the thing, and I saw a little nugget, a white nugget. And I was like, what the hell is that? That sounds like what's been blocking your airways. 20 minutes of searching, and it was a really, really, really old cheese ball. Oh my God. Do you know what?

It's like a dog, a white dog poo. Maybe you don't want to say a white dog poo. How did it lose its colour? Because I've dropped a cheese ball under your house before and I remember it was gone under the couch. I know because I never look under the couch. Unless the cat's toys wow, wow. I know, because I never look under the couch. Unless the cat's toys go under. And I'm like, oh, how long has that been there for?

I think there's a Maltese is still there. But it was that old that had gone like hard white. Like the yellow had gone from it. And then all the cat hair had clumped around it. And it was blocking the thing that goes into the catchy thing. Wait, so you removed it and then it was fine? Yeah, I picked it out with the metal chopstick and then it was fine.

I was like, yay. So this whole time it was a dusty old cheese ball. Yeah, but so old that it had gone white. It had lost the colour. But it had shot up the tubing, wedged itself in that next part where it turns. I'd say that would be the one design flaw in those. Is that hard corner.

Often things do get jammed in there. Tiny hole that goes into the cylinder that catches all the dust. Right. Yeah. So don't, if you drop a cheese ball at my house again. Oh, sorry. Yeah. She's just admitted it's her fault.

I genuinely remember the day that I dropped a cheese ball. No, cheese balls are the ultimate snack. They're superior. And they always go, people always knock the cheese balls, but they're the first thing to be hoovered up by people. You are so right. Everyone's always like, how embarrassing. And then hoovered up, yeah.

Yeah. Play Zed-E. Fletchford and Hayley. Play Zed-E. Soon, Fact of the Day, and during Fact of the Day, we will give you the chance to win a double pass to the Fletchford and Hayley live show, which is this Thursday at Auckland's Sky City Theatre,

where we will sing the Fact of the Day jingle in front of 800, maybe? Yeah. How many? 800? No, it's 700. 700. Seven, six. Oh, seven.

700. No, no, I blacked out half the seats. Okay, when there's a guest in the studio or in the producer's booth, I feel weird singing the jingle because it's so weird. Do you? And there's going to be so many people watching. No, it's not weird. It's fine.

If you can make it along soon, we've got a double pass to give away to the show. And the audience is going to sing along with us. It'll be absolutely fine. Now, the Taylor Swift movie, Taylor Swift The Errors Tour, the movie is out in cinemas and I've

seen clips of people watching this movie and it's like a concert. Like, you know the little bit in front of the front row, they're like up and dancing and it's a whole vibe. Because I was reading cinemas in America have lifted their no dancing and singing rule.

Do they generally have a no dancing and singing rule? Maybe. Maybe rules to not be out of your seat. After Schindler's List, people were absolutely raving in the aisles. Yeah, they were. Down the aisle. He's got a

list. He's got a list. He's got a list. He's going to check it twice. I don't know if that's... That Hitler guy, he's just not nice. My name is Hitler and I got a list. Yeah. It's all in black and white except for this little girl in red. Oh, no.

The little girl's dead. Spoiler alert. But you can see why they had the rules. You can see why They just couldn't stop the dancing They need to have different sessions You know how they have like Mums and bubs sessions

Yeah Or like audio sensitive Taylor Swift Just shut up and watch the movie Sessions Producer Carween Which session did you go to? Well

I went to the first session of the night So it was the first time I played. But I was at a bougie theatre and no one else was really dancing. And I stuck up. Stuck up pompous. Yeah. I mean, my friends and I, don't worry about it. We were singing and dancing.

All cinemas are bougie now. A seat costs like 20-something bucks. Oh, okay. Well, like a small one. There's only like five rows of seats. I reckon you should have gone to like a two, three, four hundredth seat. I know. like five rows of seats. Oh, Nessie, I reckon you should have gone to a, like a two, three, 400 seater. I know.

That's what I thought, but I thought it would be fun. Because it's the concert, eh? Yeah, it's just the concert. Just the concert, yeah. It's not a documentary Miss America, that kind of thing. No, it's just the concert. Lots of the songs.

She did cut a few. Of course. I mean, she's on stage for like three and a half hours. It's a three hour movie, yeah. But it's like you're just there and you get so, like all the shots half hours. Yeah. But it's like you're just there and you get so, like all the shots are gorgeous. Yeah.

And done so smoothly around like when she moves, like the camera completely follows her, like your eye is watching her. It was amazing. But no friendship bracelet handing out. No, no one was really dressed up. Was there merch? There was.

There are some popcorn buckets and there are cups. And the cups have like the little... That sounds like junk, eh? It sounds like the sort of plastic shit I would count all the way home from Disneyland. Yeah, absolutely. That's exactly what it was. And, you know, not cheap also, but I impulse bought four cups for me and my friends so we could have little bubbles in them.

How much did that cost? Too much. She doesn't want to say. How much? You and four friends? Yeah. I feel like $19 a cup. Oh, Carly. She's got $80 on cups. Got a Kmart.

It's once in a lifetime, you know? Do you know what? And I think this is pretty cool. It's pretty awesome because so many people aren't getting to see it i mean we know in new zealand we did our best to send as many as we could pause for applause um yeah thank you thank you thank you cm for the tickets no one's got more taylor tickets than cm yeah but so many people right globally can't see this and so basically this is the next best thing and they're trying to create this awesome environment let's not act like it's charity she's going to make i've translated to new zealand dollars 340 million dollars off the film alone we're gonna know nothing absolutely nothing to

her she is projected to make in new zealand dollars about 4.1 billion dollars from the Eris tour. So $80 was nothing. And it's a slave from Shannon over there. $80 was nothing then. Do you know what? I'm like far out. I've been watching her and going, oh my God, she does three hours every night. She gives every audience the best show, right?

She never phones it in. I want to pause you here. You could also be talking about my effort. For what? three hours every day every day you never phones it in never phones it in giving the audience

my whole every morning you make sure it's the best show that day yeah correct you're right actually and then you go and sleep with that footballer

I would and then you bring attention to a whole new sport I'd be into his brother more his brother's a bit more of a big bearded bear for me. Oh, you're sending me a photo. What? Big bearded bear.

Oh, yeah, you're like the brother better. Send me a photo of the brother. But I was like, man, when I watched her, I was like, man, she's working so hard. Like, you'd be exhausted. I've been doing, I did five shows last week in an hour each. Exhausting, the amount of energy you give out.

Now that I hear that she's making $4.1 billion, I was like, yeah, you better work. Play. ZM's Fletchvorn and Hayley. Fact of the day, day, day, day, day. Okay, now we will... I need help, tech help, because my watch, I bumped it yesterday and it went on to a weird setting and now it dings every time something's happening. We'll help you.

How do I turn it off? Turn it down. Oh, hon. Now, on Thursday, our live show is happening at Auckland's Sky City Theatre. Oh, my dear body. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

Hayley chomping at the bit. It's going to be a great night. You love the stage. Vaughn and I are just like, this is going to be quite weird. Don't be nervous. I feel Vaughn will have a couple of whiskers and then be like, attention to me. Absolutely.

I was going to have a Zoplicone cocktail. No, no Zoppies. No, that's not Zoppie appropriate. What's the anxiety ones? Oh, no, you can't have any bloody... A Zanny. Zanny. No, no, not that one.

No, it's just a low-grade one. What's beautiful? Beautiful. Lorraine. Lorraine. Lorraine. You're not, no. Well, anyway, we're going to do the fact of the day.

You're not my doctor. Jingle live. I don't think Hayley's your doctor either. We're going to do the fact of the day jingle live. All the stuff we do on the show live on stage. If you would like to come, we've got a double pass right now. You do have to be able to make it to Auckland on Thursday, this Thursday. A double pass.

0800 DARS at M right now. Did we see the fact of the day yet? Yeah, we did, yeah. Did we already do it? At the end, you were getting frustrated with your watch. I didn't, right? You're all right, Grandpa. Hey, you're all good.

You're all good. Someone put me to bed. Okay. I mean, the live show will be interesting to see if Vaughan can even just know where he is. Come with me. That's all I'll say. Come with me. So, we've sung the song.

Just to confirm, we've sung the song today. Now, today's fact of the day, and a theme this week. Stamps. You should probably run the themes past us from now on. I'm going to say I'm not immediately turned on by this. Because I think if this isn't a good fact, we won't have a theme this week. Yeah, we'll change it.

We'll change it. Permission to left turn. Stamps. Okay, go. My great uncle had a stamp collection collection and it was in this shed. This isn't the fact, but he had this stamp collection. When we were kids, we thought it was funny and we would like pull these. He just put that in the shed, so he kind of loved it that much.

But it was probably worth a fortune. We used to pull the stamps out, lick them, and stick them to ourselves and be like, I'm Australian. And then they'd fall off and we'd just run around this. He had this collection. He had this massive old shed He had Cuban cigars in there Yeah And when we were kids

We had matches And we'd light them on fire And be like And blow into them And be like And then probably just Dropped them on the ground And we were lucky

We didn't burn the place down Oh my god It was this nuts shed We had no appreciation For it Sounded like I'm getting choked up I'm not emotional We were just Anyway that's what I always think of When I think of stamps How many stamps did he have? Shut up! It was this nuts shed. We had no appreciation for it. Sounded like I'm getting choked up. I'm not emotional.

Anyway, that's what I always think of when I think of stamps. How many stamps did he have? That was our friend telling us she got a snapper. Well, I just want my watch to stop making the dinging noise. It's never made this noise before. Oh, I can fix it. Mine did it for a while. We'll sort it out after this.

Okay, I just can't breathe. You need to put it on silent. So, I learned this and I thought stamps are good. I know it's gonna be obvious when I find out how to do it. It's not on silent. No, because I know that's not right. We'll sort it out for you. Mine did it for a while as well. Okay, please. We'll sort this out afterwards. Um,

I was listening to a podcast and they started talking about stamps. And I was like, this is fascinating. And this is where I learned today's fact of the day about stamps. One of the main reasons they started printing stamps for a non-practical purpose collection, they started printing specific collector stamps, is because technically you're just giving the post office money.

It's like buying a voucher for a place and being like, man, I like the look of this voucher. I'm never spending it. Oh, yeah, okay. So they've made millions. The US have made millions and millions of dollars and the same with the New Zealand Post Office. They make way more money off collector stamps

because it's a voucher technically you're never going to spend. Oh, I see. I see. I'm with you. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's not actually going to cash in its purpose. You never cash it in as a voucher. But some stamps in some collections have been sent in the past, eh?

Yes. Yes. But that's why I'm keeping all my courier bags because I reckon one day they're going to be worth... You've got that drawer full of courier bags. Yeah. Plastic. Because I reckon like $2,120, I'll be like,

look, this is an original. This is post haste. This is PBT. This is NZ Pie. This is from the now defunct Aramex. They popped up and made an absolute meal of it. Yeah, they did. They were throwing packages left, front and centre.

You can see here, this one's got scuff marks on it because they booted it up the corridor. Wow. Cool, man. I reckon. Thank you. Follow that. Yeah, I've got them all in a little

folder. Cool. It's going to be really good. I look forward to that. Who are you going to leave it to? You don't have children. Well, do you want me to leave it to you? Oh, yes, please. Get in line, mate. Put it in a shed. Put it in a shed with your Cuban cigars and I'll get my

kids to go and put their feet in it and stuff around the place. Yeah, so the first time this happened for the US, they released a stamp and they noticed it sold all of these Yeah. It was an one of the biggest ones that happened to it was an Elvis stamp. Oh yeah. This massive

the rule was you had to be dead for 10 years before you could be on a stamp and you had to be a person of political or cultural influence. Like David Seymour. Perfect. But he hasn't been dead for 10 years. But so when...

Carry on. Gotcha. Gotcha. They both just crossed their fingers. Stop it. Gotcha. Gotcha. You're in trouble.

Well, that could be the deputy prime minister come next week. He'll have you both executed. And then you wait 10 years and you can be on a stamp. So 10 years after Elvis died in 1987. Thank you for saying that we have cultural influence. Big cultural influence. 10 years after Elvis died, the debate started on if they were going to have old fat Elvis or young hot Elvis.

Oh, yes. Young hot. Young hot one. Young hot one by miles. So they put on a stamp and they noticed that all of these stamps were purchased yet weren't getting put into the circulation. Right. And they were like, we have just made so much money releasing that stamp.

And because nobody was collecting the boring stamps, it was hard to convince people to collect George Washington stamps. And we were like, meh, we've had George Washington stamps for ages. So they released the Elvis one and people just bought it and just kept them. Yeah, right. And so technically it was like, you've just bought the right to use something that you'll never use so it's cash in the back pocket. Yeah, totally.

So that's the way they do it. That's why they release commemorative stamps that will never be sent because it's just basically like you're buying a voucher that you will never redeem. Do we want Stamp Week to continue? Tease me for tomorrow. You're not sure. I'm not sure. Morgan, you've won a double pass to the live show.

Congratulations. Hello, thank you. We'll see you there. Yeah, it's going to be fun. Excellent, can't wait. Okay, thank you. Toodle pip. Toodles, hon.

Toodle pip. Toodle pip. Hoorah. Hoorah. Hoorah. Hoorah. Hoorah. Hoorah.

So today's fact of the day is that collectible stamps make the post office so much money because people buy them but never use them. It's not because stamp week's not happening tomorrow. Or 100%. No, it's not a week this week. Maybe we'll have to put up a poll. I'm not asking the people. The people have no say.

You have no say. You have no say. Back to the day day day day day. Ah do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do.

Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley. Funerals, typically quite a sad day, even if you're celebrating a great life, a lot of tears. And I find that that leads to people taking the day very seriously. So when anything goes wrong, it just breaks people.

It just makes people burst into laughter because it's just so absurd that something silly would happen at a funeral. Yeah. Now this happened over the weekend, I believe. Just makes people like burst into laughter because it's just so absurd that something silly would happen at a funeral. Yeah. Now this happened over the weekend, I believe. There was a funeral occurring in Auckland. Occurring?

Occurring. Occurring in Auckland. That's a suburb, is it? Yeah. Occurring. It's one of the new suburbs. Yeah. And the coffin was just floating over, you know, on its little rigs,

about to be lowered down on the ropes. Oh, okay, right. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Went a naughty. Is there a machine that does that, by the way? Yeah. That's an electric winch. Or people. Electric winch.

Oh, the old school way was people. People. At the marae you do it manually, and I'll come back to that. You, well, it was on a machine, and then just as it was about to get lowered down, a puppy jumped into the hole.

A puppy jumped into the hole. Where did the puppy come from? Wait, so there was a space, the space under the coffin before it was being

lowered in. Yeah, there it is. Oh my God. It's sitting under the coffin. what was the puppy, no, you don't take a dog

to a funeral? Well, it's outside, you're at the graveyard. You don't take a dog to a funeral. No, but I don't think it was. Take a dog to a funeral. I don't think it was anyone's dog. You don't take a dog to a funeral. No, but I don't think it was.

Take a dog to a funeral. I don't think it was anyone's dog. I think it was. It was a rogue. It was a rogue, yeah. A rogue dog. I think it was just like Kate got loose. Oh, my God.

So as a puppy, you're not that attached to it. If that happened, you'd just abandon it, right? Just drop down the car. I'd go over there. That's too embarrassing. Well, do you know, at my nana's funeral, so this was on the marae. Wait, wait, wait. How did they get it out?

Someone had to jump in and get it. Into the hole. So at my nana's funeral, same thing, but it was all manual because we're on the marae. Wait, wait, wait. How did they get it out? Someone had to jump in and get it. Into the hole! So, at my nana's funeral, same thing, but it was all manual because we're on the marae, so ropes under the blocks. Like four men holding these ropes go tossing it over the hole. It's about to get lowered down and then

the guy stumbles, loses his footing, almost drops his rope and from his breast pocket his phone flips out into the hole. And everyone's like, and then who was it? Why his breast pocket his phone flips out into the hole and everyone's like and then who was it why did he put his phone there one member of my family

just goes oh at least we'll be able to ring her and everyone just went that's good stuff laughed then this guy who was just

some random bypasser jumped into the hole got the phone and then hopped out and it was like everyone was like like it's just so bizarre then hopped out. And it was like, everyone was like, like, it's just so bizarre, but it really broke the ice. It was so funny.

And at least it was a random, like it would be weird. He was like, connected to the marae, but not our family. Yeah, right. Yeah. Oh my God. And I remember all of us just being like, it's in the hole. See, I'd go in the hole,

but I wouldn't lie down in a coffin and have the lid shut. But when he's in the hole, it was the same setup. The coffin was teetering above. So he had to slip in between the soil and the coffin. Oh, so they didn't move it out of the way.

Oh, okay, so you're slipping. Nana's ready to go down, man. It's heavy. Anyway. Who was it that, it was a friend of mine, they, you know, the hole gets dug the day before. Yeah.

And it was terrible weather overnight and they had a tarpaulin over it, but the wind blew up one corner and the hole kind of like semi-floated. You just push it down, wouldn't you? You just, you wear your copper in the hole. No, because it didn't float. No, you put a couple of bricks on top. You weigh it down. You weigh it down with a net.

Bobby. No, I think they had to go and get, I think they had to go to a higher pool and get a submersible. But then it had to be a submersible that could run off. It might have been a pool starter. Oh, no. Like a water pump. And so they were waiting there and everyone was just like,

oh, no. Everyone's singing how great thou art. It is a pump sky. Anyway, I mean, look, they're horrible things, but when things go wrong, it is funny. I want to know what went wrong at the funeral. Could be something dramatic like this or just something, you know, like there's always the bloody PowerPoints not working

and then the wrong songs playing and then, you know. Or the handle breaks off the casket. I've got to say, those boxes are heavy. Heavy. Yeah. I've never been a pallbearer. I have only once. But it looks like a horrible amount of...

I've done it for three, yeah, three of my grandparents. And it is, it's the most nerve wracking. When you pick it up and you're like, okay, that's not too heavy. And then you start walking, you're like, oh, who's not? And then you turn around and you're like, who's not? Yeah. I'm getting more than someone else. If you're on the front right, the person on the back left lifted it too high,

so all the weight has been pushed towards you. Yeah, it's a horrible amount of... And then your hand's sweaty, and then you're like, I'm going to use both hands. Too much responsibility. Oh, I know. Honestly, though, if you're ever carrying me, drop me. It'll be a good laugh. We'll just probably push you along.

Biff me in the hole. Biff me in the hole. Don't even get a box. 0800-DARLES-AT-EMERSON-NUMBER. Give us a call. You can text her as well, 9696. What went wrong at the funeral? Play ZM's

Fletch Vodden Ailey. Play ZM. There are some hilarious messages and calls coming through. If we don't laugh we cry, you know, at funerals. If we don't laugh we cry. A dog jumped under the coffin and into the hole as it was being lowered down in an Auckland funeral.

So we've asked you what went wrong at the funeral. Jo, what went wrong? My pot was getting taken away at the end, like when they, you know, after the service and so on, and I was super upset, but because I'm so short, I took a step up on a ledge and took a wee step back and fell in the pond.

Oh my god. Not only did I fall in the pond, I was like flat on my back and covered in pond scum. How deep was the pond? It was about, I don't know, up to maybe my knees.

But I slipped because it was so slippery and slimy. But my brother was there and laughed at me and said, of course you wanted to steal the thunder. So, yeah, it was embarrassing. Oh, my God. A bit of light entertainment for the day, though. Jo, thank you. Megan, what happened at the funeral?

It was my nana's funeral, and they had propped her head up with a pillow. Yeah. And then they went to put the coffin lid on and didn't remove the pillow. So then when they opened the casket again, her nose was squished. Oh, man. when they opened the casket again, her nose was squished.

Oh, man. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. I'm so sorry to laugh at you, Nan. What was the reaction in the room? Was everybody more quiet or what? I was kind of too young to notice, but it comes up at all the family reunions now,

you know, dad having a squishy nose. Oh, my God. I know it's only Monday, but this could honestly be Caller of the Week. Caller of the Week, all in favour? Yeah. Okay, there we go. Megan, we're going to hook you up. Our Call caller of the week. Oh, that could be caller of the week. Caller of the week. All in favour? Yeah. Okay, there we go. Now squish nose. Megan, we're going to hook you up.

Our caller of the week. Thanks to McCaffey. A $50 voucher. Oh, awesome. Thank you. Now squish nose. It's a loving memory of Nan. Would you unsquish it?

Would you get your little fingers in and be like, what has it done? You wouldn't even get fingers in the nostrils and pull it out. College is done. We'll get to more of your text calls next. What went wrong at the funeral? We do want to know that because a dog jumped into the hole as the coffin was going down and we're getting some amazing stories in.

If you've just tuned in, you've got to download the podcast to hear Nannies Squish Nose. It's the hardest I've laughed in ages. I know, I had little tears after laughing at that. That was a lot. Julie, good morning. What went wrong at the funeral? So I'm at the funeral of a family friend. Okay.

And the speeches are going and it's very nice. And the gentleman gets called up to talk about, that's the person representing her workplace, right? Yeah. This guy goes up and he starts talking and he's really nervous, like he's holding the paper. And, you know, it wasn't a comfortable moment for him. Anyway, halfway through the speech, we're all looking at each other like, what is this guy talking about?

And he was talking about a guy and how wonderful this guy was. It was a woman's funeral. So we're sitting there going, what the hell? And then anyway, someone just casually gets up and then whispers something in his ear. He looks up and realises that he's at a funeral home, but he's walked into one of two services. Oh my God. No, no, it gets worse. Then he had to do the ultimate walk of shame, walk up the aisle past 150 mourners going,

you had one job, dude. You had one job. But it was really funny because the lady that passed away had a magnificent sense of humour. job, dude. You had one job. But it was really funny because the lady that passed away had a magnificent sense of humour. Yeah, great. She loved it. So some of us were thinking,

did she set this up? Like, was this set up? But then we realised he was serious. Like, he was like, probably reading the notes and he was thinking of his delivery. And then he's going to go and do it all again. I know.

And we were sitting at the back so we were like, oh, sorry. We're so sorry. Shame. We're sorry for you. Sorry, see ya. Oh, that's so brilliant. That's so funny.

He was a fantastic man. Who? I know. It doesn't pop the Nana's nose, though. Oh, it's up there. Oh, it's up there. It's up there. Nana's nose, yeah.

Nana's nose. The simplicity. Nana's nose, yeah. Nana's nose. The simplicity of Nana's nose. Yeah. The simple nature of the story was just brilliant. Julie, thank you so much for sharing so many messages in. Oh, my God, so many. My great uncle's best friend had a heart attack and died in the doorway of the funeral place.

What about the, was there someone? Someone messaged in, oh, we could almost do a mini pod. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Somebody said, oh, we could almost do a mini pod. Yeah, I think we could. Oh, yeah, mini pod. Kelda, Kelda. Somebody said, yeah, at a Wowsa funeral, the organist died mid-song. It went, it went, da-da-da-da. What do you do?

Do you pause proceedings? I'd take them off the keys. It'd be very annoying. Yeah, it would actually. Imagine the whole ceremony. Don't touch them. I counted 79 all rights today, Fletch. I believe that's a new personal record.

Oh, f*** off. How many of those did you count? 79 of those too. Alright, well if you enjoyed today's podcast, give us a rate and review. Oh, f*** off. ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley.