ZM's Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley - Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley's Big Pod - 17th April 2023

Episode Date: April 16, 2023

Tiger Snack   Silly Little Poll!   Top 6: DOC Fundraisers   Hayleys Scam   When did you need your First Aid Training?   Hayleys Custard   Fact of the Day Day Day Day Daaaaay!  See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

The ZM Podcast Network. The Fleshborn and Hayley Big Pod. Treat yourself to McCafe coffee with my Macca's rewards. Kia ora. Good morning. Kia ora. Good morning. Kia ora.

And a good morning. And a kia ora. Ah! Long week. I was going to say this much. Yeah, compared to last week's short week. And next week. Yeah.

Is next week a short week? Well, it is if you tank off Monday. Which we will be doing. Tuesday is Anzac Day, and we will be doing that. So we're going to get fruity-tooty on Friday. We are. We're going to do the long weekend group two on Friday. I love that.

So school will have to go back. Your kids will have to go back On the Monday Teachers only day baby Are you kidding me No I'm not kidding you Your teachers Or every teacher

I think a lot of schools Are playing their wild card On that Monday To get the long week Wow To get the longer weekend What do they do Teachers listening

What do you do On a teachers only day They're not listening They're in Bali Yeah They're not They're not Teachers. They're in Bali. Yeah. They're not. They're not.

Teachers aren't paid enough to just walk off to Bali every school holidays willy-nilly. Yeah, they're doing their other jobs. Yeah, yeah. Doing some waitressing. They're being a nurse on their holiday because that's another well-paid job. Hey, good play from them. Good play. Oh, yeah. Trust me, mate.

Teachers, you think we're switched on with the year ahead working out how to get the most holidays taken the least days off. If teachers, they've got the wild card of the teachers on a day, they're not afraid to play it. They deserve it. They do. I'm not at all complaining. The best part is when they use it really early in the year

for like a Waitangi, if that's on a Tuesday, or a Thursday, they might jam it on a Friday. And they play their cards so early in the year for like a Waitangi if that's on a Tuesday or a Thursday they might jam it on a Friday. And they play their cards so early in the year. Clever. So good. But you want to keep something up your sleeve for later in the year, you know. Long weekend, labour weekend for example. Jam a teacher's only day one into that.

Oh yeah. Get yourself another day off. Super excited for the long weekend group tote. It'll be Friday 8 o'clock. Do join us. Please do. The horns at the ready. The top six is on the way.

And Department of Conservation putting up the prices of the camping. Yeah, the average hut price is going up a little bit, hut or camping site. It was on the news and a national spokesperson said, it'll put tourists up coming to New Zealand. I was like, shit, they must really be hiking it because it is quite cheap. It's going up on average $5. So I don't think if you're coming all the way from Germany to back around New Zealand, $5 is going to cause you to turn around and go back to Berlin.

Like a $4,000 flight. What if some of the, even some of the bougie huts on the Great Walks, what are they like 30 a night? Yeah. 35 a night, still not bad for staying in the middle of absolute paradise. That's what you came for. They don't call them average walks, do they?

They're great walks. Great walks. They are great walks. Where are our okay walks? Just around there. Just sort of around the bunch. A little park over there. Yeah.

Just go to that one. Bit of a grassy knoll. So you've got the top six ways that the department The other ways that Doc can do some fundraising, yeah. Good for them. Coming up in the top six.

Oh, a teacher's messaged in. Oh, yeah. I'm a bloody teacher and will be in school working. Ain't no wild card extra day off play here, unfortunately. Oh, okay. All right. You have a hell of a hangover, though, won't you? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

The similar poll is on the way. Do you kick your pets out for adult times? Or are you okay with them being in the bedroom? At the foot of the bed. Watching with their beady little eyes. Their beady little eyes. Get out of here, Ollie. Next on the show, though,

South Korea is paying children to do something. Something that Kiwi parents have proudly booted their kids in the ass and told them to go and do for free for generations. South Korea. The good Korea? Well, depending on if you're in North Korea, they are the good Korea. But generally, or last week, their passport rankings were in the bottom five.

South was. No, North. Oh, North, yeah. So then by that, you would say they are the bad Korea and everybody else's humble opinion. We shouldn't be talking about this. They could be listening. They're listening right now.

They can't even get a missile over Japan yet. Losers. No. We've got rocket labs. They'd probably kill us if we moved to North Korea because we have to get one of the five sanctioned Kim Jong-un haircuts. We don't have any hair. Oh, my God.

Surely bald is one of the haircuts. I don't know. Okay, let me have a look. They'd probably just get rid of us. What are the haircuts that women have? They have to have a haircut like him. No. Lesbians?

You have to get a little, yeah, Kim Jong-un bob. Okay, since North Korea has obligatory hairstyles, are bald people illegal in North Korea? To be blunt, North Koreans are often confused and terrified of coming to South Korea. Oh, their hairstyles are so low. Not good, are they? Not even his haircut's on it.

Not with the big square fringe. Well, no, that's because he's the only one that can have his haircut. Oh, there's kind of one. Oh, so he's the only one that's allowed that? I believe, yeah. What a shame. That would be one of the ones I would walk into North Korea Rodney Wayne and say, give me the... North Korea Rodney Wayne.

Give me the Kim Jong. Yep. How will bald men fare? Oh, wow. Give me the ramble at the. How will bald men fear? Oh, wow. Give me the ramble at the start. What about bald men? Tony Sneko, the founder of Bald R Us, a society of proud hairless men, who campaign against hair restoration and replacement industries,

according to their website. They campaign against it? Yeah. Interesting. Yeah. Just be proud of what you've been given. Anyway, I don't know. I can't find out.

I don't care because we're not here to talk about that. So if you were bald, though, they know. I can't find out. I don't care because we're not here to talk about that. So if you were bald though, that would encourage you to get hair implants. I mean, I don't know. They don't have enough. Also, looking at the women's ones, there's definitely one number six that looks like a mullet.

That's nice. That's the one I'd go for. That looks like a mum in the 80s. Yeah, yeah, yeah. How many options for a women? 18. 18. Generous. They all suck. I would like to thank our generous and benevolent leader

for 18 exceptional choices for female hairstyles. Stunning. Stunning. South Korea, let's go across the demilitarised zone at the 49th parallel, shall we, momentarily. The good Korea. South Korea is offering youths who have been hiding out in apartments playing video games money to get outside and enjoy the outside. How much money?

$490 US dollars by the looks of things. Shut up. A month or a week? A monthly living allowance in order to encourage them out of their homes. How do they know? A, they're not exercising. They're not getting any exercise. Right. So, you know, that's future

health problems waiting to happen. They're not meeting people. Population dwindling because they're not out there making babies. They're not out there falling in love and making babies. Oh, God. Yeah. That's nearly 800 New Zealand dollars. And to get out of the house to get jobs or go to university or go to school. I just quite like to be here.

Won't people just take the money and buy more video games? Yeah, that's what I'd do. Just get Uber Eats and stay inside. Yeah. Or do you have to leave the house to go and get the money? Is there receipts? Is there receipts? Is there receipts? Do you have to send receipts?

You've got to get your little bit of money every day. Because that's what I was like, how are they going to make sure that they do? But maybe they, it's 500 bucks a month, maybe they strap a tracker on you. It's like home detention. It's anti-home detention. Yeah. This is something parents would be into, eh? Because, you know, they're always whinging about kids.

They're just stuck on the PlayStation or on their phones. You just kick them outside. parents would be in 2A. Because, you know, they're always whinging about kids. They're just stuck on the PlayStation or on their phones. You just kick them outside. Get outside. Flick it off. Turn the router off. Yeah, turn the router off at the wall. Because they don't have data, but you've still got 4G,

so you can be on the internet. Good for the goose. It's not good for the gutter in this situation. When I was growing up, outside was all we had. Toys inside, nature outside. Outside, outside. And the outside was a big wide world. And then the computer arrived.

And I played Commander Keen. Oh, yes. All day long, baby. What a game. Hell of a game. DOS, a bit of DOS gaming. Was it DOS? Yeah.

You know, with the black square and you'd have to enter things. The operating system. Yeah, yeah, yeah. A little flash there. MS-DOS. MS-DOS. But anyway, they're paying you to get outside, whereas my mum would just like... Give you a kick up the arse.

Kick up the arse. Give you a list of chores. Get those done and you're not getting your dinner outside. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley. This news came out on Friday over the weekend that families visiting Auckland Zoo over Easter were shocked and dismayed when they saw in the... Tiger?

Tiger's enclosure. Yeah, the Sumatran tiger. Oh, God, they're beautiful creatures, aren't they? They saw sitting on the... And there's actually a photo in some news publications. Oh, I couldn't find... I read the story, but I couldn't find the photo and I was like, show me the horse head. I think they've taken it down now. Yeah, I'm trying to look for it.

So there was a horse head. Far out. Oh my God, it's like in The Godfather when he wakes up with one in his bed. It's a full head. So the tigers apparently had dragged the horse head out and so the public could see it. Because I don't know if you know this, but these animals are predators and they are fed animals.

Of course they are. They won't survive on kidney beans and tofu and jelly mate. And tofu. And jelly mate. And some wine. Do you reckon a tiger is also when you're putting the horse head into the bowl, it's all like... Like trying to get in. You're like, get out of it. Let me put it in the bowl.

Wait. Just wait. And you're trying to get it and it's like weaving between your feet trying to trip you over. Holy shit. I know. Wild. Okay, now I'm kind of like maybe the head

didn't need to be in there. Legs and stuff. Unidentifiable animal parts, no problem, but that is 100%. Dude, it's fur. It's got its mane. It's got a fringe. It's pretty rough. Its eyes are closed. It looks like it's come straight from the racetrack. It has. Fresh

from Melbourne Cup. One unfortunate turn on the home straight and it's gone down from the racetrack. It is fresh from Melbourne Cup. One unfortunate turn on the home straight and it's gone down. We'll ignore that now and carry on with the horses that aren't about to be euthanised in front of a crowd under a tent. Hand around the back straight. Off to Auckland Zoo with her. Yeah, well, at least we know that some archery tigers will be eating well tonight.

Far out. Wild away. Oh, my gosh, so people saw this Like live I assumed it was like Away and Maybe didn't have the skin No no Just the meat

It's just like they didn't even do any prep Yeah Like feeds them Picks up the horse head It would be heavy right It would look right in your? It would be heavy. It would be so heavy. And it would look right in your eyes.

You'd pick it up. Who cut off the head? I don't know. What if the horse died? If you've got like a farm and your horse dies, do you just like donate it? Let's say that. Let's say that it's already dead.

Yeah, you can. There's like dead food places. It wasn't like it turned up and they chopped it up. Well. They just get bits, don't they? Yeah. They feed them. Yeah. The horse is arriving up. Well. They just get bits, don't they? Yeah. And they feed them. Yeah.

The horses arriving at the zoo have walked through. Past the zebras. They're an interesting looking horse. Wait, are we staying here? Yeah. What is this hotel? This seems nice. I've been kind of like whacked on the ass and told to run real fast.

Yeah. This feels. It's beautiful. Wow. What's that? Yeah. They'll be feeding the horse heads behind the scenes. Yeah, yeah, the scenes From now on

Next on the show Our silly little pole Do you kick your pets out Speaking of animals Do you give them a horse head And tell them to go in the lounge While you're making love Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley

Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley Silly little pole Silly little pole It is so silly, silly, silly Do you kick your pet out of the room for adult time? Yes or no? Fletch. It's difficult because my, you wouldn't, if Raleigh was already on the bed, like we get into bed and Raleigh's on the bed, I'm not going to start anything. Yeah, right. Oh, God, because the cat's there.

Yeah. He's number one in the house. Okay. And then if we were mid and then Rolly walked in and it always jumps up. Up on the bed. I've heard your eyes. Yeah. I'll kick him out then.

Right. You walk up. Yeah, definitely no cats in the room. No dogs. Definitely not. Nothing. Nothing. Not even, I'll give the, we'll talk about it later in the show, but I'll give the room

a good fly spray before the lovemaking starts. I don't want a little fly in there. Who's a fly landing on your bare back? Who? Yeah, or hitting the taint, you know? Because wasn't there someone's dog that they were going for and the dog, like, licked the man's bum or something? That's why.

He was like, ah, ooh. That's what it was. Do you kick the pet out of your room for adult time? Yes. Wins. Does it? At 70%. However, we need to talk about the 30% that said no.

Oh, so they're just letting the dog like, woof, woof, woof. Yeah, get off. Because you know what dogs are like? What are you doing to my mum? The dogs are like, either get off them or like, yeah, we're playing. We're playing. We're playing. We're roughing each other up.

Can't just sit there and look like with their beady little eyes. Judgment, too. They like to catch your eyes, too. They'll move around to the top and be like. What the hell are you doing? That cat won't stop looking at me. 34. Tom offers feedback.

Tom said the 34, which is what no was at that stage when he got it. The 34% said no, need help. Couldn't agree with you more, Tom. Yeah. Get them out of there. Amy said, if there's a frantic

enough antics, they disappear anyway. Oh, jeez. Okay. Wow. There must be a lot of pss, pss, pss noises.

Ha! Ha! Go on. Shoot. Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! and then the animals are out I think we've got a I think we've got a okay we've got a lot of questions there

but none of which we can ask or answer right now. Bianca says our dog has no shame or boundaries. She will get in there. So she must be removed. Yuck. Megan says, I don't need a doggy watching my style. Wink, wink.

Well done. Good from you. Good from you. Oh, he's filtering. Oh, he's pre-read this one. He's filtering. Oh, he's pre-read this one. He's filtering. We have a full routine to distract our dog. Okay.

He gets the TV on and he gets to play with a Kong. That keeps him quiet for 15 to 20 minutes. Oh, the Kongs are those really hard, chewy dog toys. Based off the... It was a car park, wasn't it? Yeah, suspension of a Volkswagen coffee van. It was a fact of the day once. It was, yeah. Yeah, the mechanic that invented Kongs made a fortune,

but they were just based off an old Volkswagen part. Rachel said yes, did it last night. Congratulations on your recent sexual conquest there, Rachel. We didn't need to know that, Rachel. No, we did. Well, good on you. Congratulations. Congratulations. Get don't think we need to know that, Rachel. No, we do. Good on you. Congratulations. Congratulations.

Get a... It's good to prioritise, you know? Yeah. Life moves fast. Yeah. Yes, if we have afternoon adult time because she won't leave us alone. So they have to kick adult afternoon.

Adult. Adult afternoon. A little afternoon delight. Huh. Our dogs just leave all on their own when it starts. Okay, they're just like, no. Dogs are like, no, no thanks. Well, you think you're a dog. You've got a heightened sense

of smell. You can probably smell that it's going to happen before it's even started. Pheromones, yeah. Pheromones are going. Chemicals are hurting. Especially when you get out your banana flavoured condoms. Always. Always. You know that.

The minute that little packer gets ripped open and the smell of... Banana? ...fills the air, the dogs are like, we'll see ourselves out. Banana! My dog thinks my partner is hurting me. He starts whining and growling, thinking he needs to protect me from him. So that's another problem. You don't want a ball mauling in the middle of lovemaking, do you?

No. Okay, well, there's the silly little pole. Very silly. Putting a tow bar on a car is handy. Oh, yeah. Love a tow bar. Love a tow bar. Don't tell too many people you've got it, though,

because then you'll become the tow bar person. I saw someone with a silly little car like yours, the Jimny, with towing a massive trailer and the whole car was like, they shouldn't be towing it.

It's not. No, I don't think it's a towing vehicle. No, no, no, it's not.

It can't go fast enough. It was a massive trailer too and it was kind of like dipping in the middle. Oh, Terry, the front of the trailer. Yeah,

nah, it wasn't good. The Jimny on the back two wheels. You can tow The front of the trailer. Yeah, nah, it wasn't good. Pop the chimney on the back two wheels. You can tow with them, but small things. Yeah, right. Like little wee trailers. Like a little mini trailer with a... A little cute little mini trailer.

With a cute little teacup in it. Yes. Something like that. A cute little teacup. Yeah, I don't know. A little teacup. A little doll. Yeah.

I'll let you tow it behind your tricycle. Yeah. Me and Dolly are off for a picnic. Yeah, Dolly what? I'm driving my Jimny. Well, a tow bar would go well on a $145,000 2021 Mercedes-Benz GLC 63. Okay. Which is an SUV, but I tell you what, it's ugly.

Straight out of the gate, Mercedes doesn't make me think of, I'm going to tow stuff with this Mercedes. Yeah, but if you're paying that much money for a car, you should be able to do anything with it. You should be able to drive it into the ocean and then drive out the other side of the ocean. And then fly like Chitty Chitty Bang Bang. Yeah. Go to a magical land. For $145,000, you should be entitled to Chitty Chitty Bang Bang.

Yeah. A modern version of a Chitty Chitty Bang Bang. One day, you know, that'll happen soon. Well, fingers crossed. However, it is not the case for an Auckland couple who bought this 2021 Mercedes-Benz for $145,000 and said when it was advertised, it said that it came with a tow bar package.

Oh, okay. Now that means it's got the tow bar on it. And the little thing beside it, the original USB. Because what I'm saying is if you just blindly look and try to plug it in, you'll never get it the right way up. The little trailer light situation. And if you borrow a trailer, there's a 99% chance that cord is absolutely buggered. So wiggle it as you might.

When you do your indicator and brake pre-test, it won't work and you'll need to get another one. Chuck a hand out the window. So they get the car and it doesn't have one. Oh dear, but it said it did. I'd be disappointed. I'd be quite disappointed. Well, we are disappointed. Would you please put one on?

Okay. Armstrong Prestige of Auckland. Oh, right. To which Armstrong Prestige says it was an error in the ad. Yeah. It was never supposed to have a tow bar package on it, not really a towing vehicle. Yeah, right.

It is. False advertising though, isn't it? But they said, we will go halves with you. Oh, that's nice. And the $3,000 cost. $3,000? Is that how much it costs to put a tow bar on?

On a Mercedes-Benz, I think it costs that much. And you know, they probably jack the price up a little bit less if you're going to, you know. Just go down to your local little mechanic and ask him where to get it done. He might not be able to do it, but he'll know someone that can.

Yeah, right. The Mercedes ones are made of solid gold, though. They are made of solid gold. Yeah, that's why they're $3,000. And, of course, they're shaped like little penises. They have to be. Yeah. They have to be, otherwise it'll stand out.

So the people who bought the car, unhappy with this let's go halvesies situation, said, well, no, what we will now do is complain and we want $50 million compensation. Oh, for God's sake. That is absolutely taking the piss. What are you, what? You have caused us pain and suffering, indignity, humiliation and mental distress to the tune of 50 million.

Oh my god. 50 million dollars. It's that ridiculous. How have they been caused this emotional stress from the... They obviously put a very high price on their stress levels. Yeah.

Cortisone, is that what? Cortisol. Cortisol tears through your body When you're stressed Yes it does And they said 15 million Now somebody must have Whispered in their ear And been like

That's a ridiculous amount Yeah You're making yourself Look stupid Yeah And they said Fine 100,000 dollars

Oh wow They've come right down They've literally Dropped down But if that started 100,000 We'd all think that was ridiculous. But they started so crazy.

$50 million. When they got to $100,000, we were like, well, it's slightly more in the ballpark. But however, this is over a $3,000 tow bar package. This feels like an American thing to do, not a Kiwi thing to do. This happened in New Zealand. Wow. Big. East Auckland kind of explains it.

East Auckland is the explains it. East Auckland is the oft-forgot compass direction. Because they don't have a thing. No, no, no. They don't. Poor them.

They don't have a thing. They don't have a thing. They don't have a thing. South, full of culture. North, full of money. West, full of bogans. East, what are ya?

What you got out there? Solar. So they're gonna make fuss. Yeah, they love a fuss. How much did they get any money? The place is just going to put the tow bar on for them Oh my god Which is what they wanted, right?

Yeah, yeah So in the end, they got what they wanted This is called negotiation Start really high? Ridiculously high Really high? Ridiculously, stratospherically high And then in the end, you come back down to earth

And you get what you wanted But in the meantime, you come back down to earth and you get what you wanted. But in the meantime, now everybody's laughing at you because you said $50 million. $50 million. And were there lawyers involved? Pretty even to pay them. Oh. Oh. I don't know.

So if you do this, you make a claim with the Motor Vehicle Disputes Tribunal. Oh. So maybe you get your lawyer to contact them. But yeah, the minute you're on the phone to the lawyer, no wonder you're asking for $50 million. Tick tock.

I'm sure a lawyer would have said, Hon, bring that down a little bit. That's never going to happen. Okay, Hon, let's try 50 mil. Let's try 50 mil. Because it's going to be

some more billable hours for me. Yeah, I'm going to probably have to be on the phone for a couple of hours laughing about this. And that's going to cost you a fortune. That's probably why they wanted $100,000 afterwards.

That was what their legal bill came to for this $50 million rule. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley. Play ZM's. From the panoramic ZM think tank, this is the top six. Oh, hey, gays. Do you remember Cyclone Gabriel? Yes. Gabriela.

Yes. Gabby. Gabby. Gabriel. Gabriela. Gabriela. Gabriel. Gabriela.

Made a bloody mess. Yeah. I'll tell you that much. Made a bloody mess. Now, one of the areas of Aotearoa affected, but perhaps not, you know, covered as much as, you know, the devastation that it wreaked. Wreaked? Man, words suck today. I'm really struggling with words.

Wreaked? Wreaked. Wreaked. Yeah, wreaked havoc. Yeah, on heavily populated areas. But the Department of Conservation huts and tracks are apparently really damaged as well. Some of them still shut.

Oh, okay. Now, some of them need to be fixed. The maintenance is obviously up now. The huts need to be cared for. Yeah. And that all comes with a price tag. Now, the very generous $5 to $10 a night of most huts, and, you know, $15.

What's the sort of, like, the ones that you... Like, $15. If it's, like, on a great walk, it could be $30, $40. Yeah, they're a bit more expensive. How do you pay? Is it an honesty box situation? Well, some of them are honesty. You buy your tickets, and there can be hut wardens, but most of them are online now.

Online bookings, you have to book the bed, so you can't just turn up and it's full. Which is great, yeah, because you don't want to tramp all day for like eight hours and get there and there's no space. Yeah. So there's going to be an increase. Standard hut fees will double from $5 to $10 a night from July 1st. It's still cheap. $5 to $10.

Double there feels like an unnecessary, like, double the price. From $100 to $200. Like, I think camping... It's going for $5 to ten dollars. Double there feels like an unnecessary, like, double the price. From $100 to $200. Like, I think camping in Abel, Tasman's a bit more than that. Yeah, because it's the most beautiful place in the world. You wake up in your tent and you're in the Golden Bay. You're in, like, one of the most beautiful spots in the world. It's worth more than $10 or $15 a night. To be honest, I think those have been underpriced for a little while.

Yeah. Yeah. So they're going to increase to cover the cycling costs and the maintenance and just the increased cost of these things. Yeah.

Everything's going up in price. I don't mind paying a little bit more if it means that, you know, the tracks are looked after and the huts are better. Yeah.

Well, I've got the top six. Well, let's make some more money for these guys. Okay. The top six other ways to fundraise for the Department of Conservation. Number six on the list, $5 per pat of a kiwi.

Yes. Pat, pat, pat. Yeah. Or pat stroke down the back. Isn't that guy online that just had a kiwi running on his deck? Yes, and he was like, get out of here. And then it went in his house. Like, you know, sometimes you just see them running around in day.

Yeah, it always looks computer generated to me when you see them running around during the day. They're so silly. Like the Stewart Island ones are massive. And they run and they fight and they sing and they hump and everything and it just looks like...

Fake. Yeah. Yeah. But pets. I want to see the video of this guy chasing a rat. I'll find it for you. It's so cool.

Yes, please. Very lucky. Number five on the list of the top six ways to raise some more money for the Department of Conservation. What about rides to the hut? Because walking's a bit

hard sometimes. Yeah, that'd be good. Get a ride up there. Oh, it was Matt Watson, the fishing guy. The fishing guy? Yeah, look. I'm North. Yeah. Here it is. Look at this. Running around his bloody deck there. I'd be so shocked.

A little scared. They're a bit weird. Oh, so that's actually at night time. I thought it was day time. That's so cute. Yeah. Hell of a nice guy, unless you're a fish. I'd be so shocked. A little scared. They're a bit weird. So that's actually at night time. I thought it was daytime. That's so cute. Hell of a nice guy, unless you're a fish. I'd imagine that'd have a different take on that one. Oh, yeah, he would slice you from gill to gill. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Sort of very different opinion of him if you were a fish, I think.

Number four on the list of the top six ways to fundraise for Department of Conservation. Sausage sizzle at the top of the mountain you just walked up. Oh yeah, okay. Get to the top. The summit and his little sausage sizzle. It's dangerous in the bush, isn't it, you reckon? Not on a gas barbie. Oh yeah. You know, contained flame there. Yeah. Yeah. And if there's a fire restriction, of course we'll play our part. We won't have it there. Oh my god, of course. Number three on the

list of the top six ways for the Department of Conservation to fundraise. Every dock hut now has a bar. Oh, okay. Get to the dock hut and order a little cocktail. They could charge anything they wanted. If there was a bar at your dock hut and they said, you've just finished a long

day walk, we can give you a cold beer, but it's $20 a can. You'd be like, I'll pay it. I'll pay it. Yeah, I'll absolutely pay it. Take my money. Number two on the list of the top six ways for dock to fundraise, you can just pay the standard fee without the increase if you kill 10 possums and can prove it. Oh, yeah, nice.

Sort of like a barter system there because they do a lot of damage there, the old possums. Drop them off. I actually put, I've got five possum traps at our house. Yeah. And last night I loaded them up with Fijo's. Oh, do they like those? I don't know.

I'll try anyway. Because I've seen a few more dead possums on the road on the drive to work, so I figured there must be a few more of them out there. Right. They must be going into winter looking for a few more things to eat. And number one on the list of the top six ways for a doc to fundraise, pay to charge your devices at the huts. So you get there, there's a solar panel,

but you've got to pay to charge up your own phone. So you can upload that wicked photo you just got of you. Yeah. I've been on a few dock hunts of solar power just for the lights, though.

Yeah. It's quite cool. Yeah. If you knew what you were doing with that light thing, you'd be able to screw on a charger, wouldn't you, and charge your device,

but don't because it sounds like you could burn it down. But there's only 12 volts. I probably wouldn't start a fire, but I don't know, don't anyway because you'll probably break it. Don't do it. Don't do it. Don't do it. Don't do it.

Don't do it. That is today's top six. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley. Chanelette Pyjamas, you are in the spotlight this morning as you admitted to us you were committing a crime within your relationship. Yeah, I'll admit to it. Yeah. She's cheating.

Shannon's cheating. Yeah, I saw her hooking up with nine other men on the weekend. Also, for those keeping score with Shannon's spelling, today's... What's she done today? If you go to our social media,

it says Monday, 17th of April 2023, on the show today. 7.15am, world's most expensive license plate. I'll be looking forward to walking you through that next on the show today. 7.15am world's most expensive license plate. I'll be looking forward to walking you through that next on the show. Has she done... 8am Hayley split custard in her new car. Split. Oh.

Spilt. No, she spilt custard. Oh dear. Custard might have been split. I thought she'd spilt license with an S. Some in the container, some on the seat. Some in the mouth, some down the side. She split it. Between her mouth, the container, and the seat. Formally apologize.

But no, you're not cheating, cheating. You're cheating with Netflix. Yeah. So what are you doing? So you started watching a show with your boyfriend. How long have you been with your boyfriend for? Three years. Yeah, okay.

So it's serious. Now, is this before or after on the weekend when the old man leads you up the hill and covered your eyes? This was... Because this was weird. What? You've got to hear this story. She's in the bush.

Okay. Where in the bush? So I live in an area and across the road there is like a bush walk. I live in an area as well. I'm also area focused. I live in an area.

This must be near my house. Okay. I'm really caking this, aren't I? So we were kind of walking around the area that i live in and these two old people come over and they were like do you want to do a bush walk and we were like oh yeah where do you go no they go i don't want to do a bush walk with you old people well i'm new to the said area right and they said go this way then at the fork could go up and then at this way and they tell us these directions so we go off on our way just me and my boyfriend and then we get to the end of the fork and there was kind of

no way to go and then from the bushes appears the old man and woman again they were like oh we forgot to tell you where to go next follow us we didn't really know no no no no no no we were deep in the bush at this point they're like follow us follow us. So we start following. We start making small talk and then he reaches out and grabs my hand. No, don't touch me. And he goes, shut your eyes. I have a surprise. His penis. It was his penis.

It was not his penis. He's pointing it right at you. I know, 90% chance it's his penis at the stage. Wait, no, is his wife there as well? His wife is there and my boyfriend is there. They murder people together. She's got hers out as well. Yeah, my boyfriend's a big man and I was like, he'll protect me.

Well, he's got his eyes shut, and she's just injected him in the neck with a tranquiliser. Dragged him off into the bush. I will say, though, after debriefing this with my boyfriend, he's like, I thought we could take them if things got bad. Oh, my God, no. That was our experience. Their experience, right.

Anyway, so he tells me to shut my eyes. He grabs my hand, and he's like, don't peek, don't peek, don't peek. He's taking photos of you. I'm not even exaggerating. This is exactly what happened. We get to this like flat part. He goes, open your eyes. And it's literally the view 10 metres up.

Like it's the exact same as it would have been from the ground. And I was like, wow. And he's like, wow. He's like, what do you think of this? Yeah, we made small talk for 10 minutes. And then we kind of were like, oh, sorry, I have to go. I've like, wow. He's like, what do you think of this? Yeah, we made small talk for 10 minutes and then we kind of were like, oh, sorry, I have to go. I've got work tonight.

And then he showed you his penis? No. When did the penis come out? No, no, no penis. Thankfully. I'm sort of disappointed in this story. I'm happy you're safe. I might have a look at mine just to round out the story.

But around the walk, we were watching a series over the weekend, a recommendation we got from work. I think it was Fletch, was it? Of Night Agent. Oh, yeah, I finished Night Agent. It's good. I love it. Is it number one on Netflix again this week?

I think so. Yeah, it's got the chicks Kiwi. I don't know. I think Netflix just put it whatever they want in their top ten. A Netflix production, they want people to watch it, so they'll put it Whatever they want In their top ten Yeah A Netflix production They want people to watch it So they'll put it at number one So people are more likely

To watch it Remember that time We tried to rig it Yeah And it didn't work Didn't work Unbelievable Yeah

Well yeah So we're loving it Up to episode seven So things are tense Yeah We feel like Things are happening Yeah

And he's gone now So I'm in a long distance Relationship Oh yeah right My boyfriend's Flowing off on a plane this morning. Well, because he's a magician. He just disappears. Don't tell that.

He throws down a firecracker and poof, he's gone. Don't tell that old man. No. Oh, my God. Well, now we're saying it on air. He's going to come for you. Yeah. So now Brendan's gone.

What am I going to do? I'm going to keep watching it. No, but you've started the show together. You're such an Aaron. Aaron does this. Like, we'll start a show and then he'll be like, oh, but you've started the show together. You're such an Aaron. Aaron does this. Like, we'll start a show and then he'll be like, oh, but you fell asleep

so I watched like nine episodes a year. And I'm like, what? I think that there's a courtesy of like a day. But he left me. But he's going to be a way he could finish the show

himself too if you agree to that. Yeah, but then you're going to stuff it because do you share a login? No, he doesn't have Netflix so it's all on me. So see ya.

He has no ability to watch this in magician land. No. No, they doesn't have Netflix so it's all on me. He has no ability to watch this in magician land. No. No, they don't have WiFi because it's all magic. Why would you need the internet? You use magic. Yeah. Are you going to tell him? Probably not.

How long is he away for? I think like a week. I thought you were going to say like weeks and weeks. No. It's only a little bit. Get another show to watch in the week. Yeah. This is on him.

If he wanted to watch a series with me, he should stick around. But Shannon has a point. It's a very tense show. It always leaves you with a cliffhanger at the end of each episode. I could get a spoiler. You should have a conversation with him. I think it's the best thing. I think the best way to handle this maturely is bring it to national radio

without telling him. Yeah, I think you're right. And just air out our dirty laundry. And just do it anyway. Yeah, exactly. Good luck. Play ZM's Fletchford and Haley. The world's most expensive number plate has been sold. In the United Arab Emirates.

If I wanted to go on and get a cool number plate now, they're quite expensive, eh? $500? Depending on... No, they're like $1,000. $1,000. Depends what you want. Like if you want something really popular, like...

What is the number that's really... Is it eight? Is the lucky number in a lot of Asian countries? So those ones are quite expensive. Yeah, eight. I think eight, eight, eight, eight, eight. Eight, eight, eight, eight, eight. That'll set you back, you know, a lot of Asian countries. So those ones are quite expensive. Yeah, 888888. That'll set you back, you know, a lot of money. Well, this is another lucky number.

It's 7. In Dubai, just one, and the main part of the plate is 7. Above it is a P because their number plates are set up different to ours. P7.

So effectively it says P7, but if you just look at it like how we look at a plate, just the writing, the bigger writing on the bottom line, it's just a 7. And how much did it go for? 23.7 million. Oh, get a grip. Get a grip.

This is in Dubai, right, where money is. That's just what they have in there between the couch cushion. It was sold as part of a charity auction as well with proceeds of the sale going towards one billion meals. Okay. One billion meals. One billion meals. Which is to feed people in impoverished countries.

Way to make us look like assholes. Yeah. For saying I'd never pay that. So other number plates sold for $1.2 million New Zealand dollars and $60,000 New Zealand dollars. Which ones are those? What? Do they have numbers?

A number of other, no, they just said they were just other license plates. So I've just done a quick Google. This is a News Hub story from three years ago. The license plate Uber, U-U-B-E-R. That went on Trade Me for $200,000. I don't know it for certain, but I'm pretty sure Uber drivers aren't paid enough to warrant pay. How much was it? $200,000? $200,000.

Right. There was, at the time, it said that for sale on Trade Me, there was Nitro for $75,000. Hyper, with two R's, $100,000. That's what people wanted. Somebody wanted Too Rich For You, T-R-C-H-4-U, $840,000. They sound like a really good, they sound like a really great, they sound like a cool person.

They sound like a great individual that I'd like to spend some time with. I'm just on kiwiplates.nz trying to create one. Right. I could get Sproul, but with one L. That's available. I can get Hales, but the A has to be a four. I don't like the A as a four. Neither.

I don't like the A as a four. It's a four. It's not an A. Yeah. No one's confusing them for the two. But could you just get a little bit of black tape and make it like a four? Yeah. Yeah.

What about H-Sprass? H-Sprass. That's available. How much is H-Sprass? Premium format? $2,500. $2,000. Oh, my God.

Wow. Okay. That's quite a lot, isn't it? I don't think I'll get Sprass. H-Sprass. Sprass. H-Sprass. H-J-Sprass. Oh, no. Too many think I'll get Sprass. H Sprass. HJ Sprass.

Oh no, too many. Too many letters, yeah. Six, yeah. Yes. I wonder if HJS is just available. No. Six? Yes.

Well, I think seven. It's six. No, six. Yeah, it's six. What about FVHZM? Available. How much? Thousand. Yeah, boy. Shotgun, not my car. FCHZM. Available. How much? A thousand.

Yeah, boy. Shotgun, not my car. Not my car. I can't put a plate on my bicycle. Can you just screen get that? We'll print it out and we'll put it on his little bicycle. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We'll stick it to an ice cream lid.

Yeah. We'll stick it to an ice cream lid and we'll stick it on his bicycle. Yeah. FCHZM. That's good. Well, we talked last week about the fact that social media producer Flannelette Pyjamas, Shanalette Pyjamas, got scammed. Still don't have your card back, do you?

No. That's right. And all of your auto payments have stopped. Yeah, no food delivery this week. This is the one that's doing the rounds. You fell for the toll roads. I got that. Do you get that text?

Yeah, where is it? You haven't paid your tolls. So many texts. You've got to pay the troll toll. If you want to get inside this boy's soul. Yeah, I deleted soul Yeah I deleted it Oh good, don't be tempted To have a couple of wines and go back and pay that toll

Yeah, well I got another one This one was on my Instagram dims Is that what you call them? I believe so Named after the dim sum We should dim sum We should yum cha Should we yum cha today?

Not today Not on a Monday Thursday we should yum cha Monday's always Healthy day And then progressively You fall off the wagon Yeah

Okay Thursday Thursday Thursday Yep Post show Post staff meeting We're gonna need it

We're gonna need it Staff meeting We're gonna need yum cha Yum cha on Thursday Anyway this one was from Facebook Post staff meeting. We're going to need it. We're going to need it. Staff meeting. We're going to need yumcha. Yumcha on Thursday. Anyway, this one was from Facebook and then comma and live. Right. And the profile pictures is a Facebook profile pic and then the live one is a sort of Instagram looking one.

Okay. And it said, rule violation. Hello there, dear user, comma. Dear user. There is, dear user, comma. Dear user. There is a complaint about your account. Copyright has been determined in your account as a result of the complaint. Copyright is very important to us, so your account will be closed legally within 48 hours.

If you think this is an error, please fill out the objection form we gave you. Objection form. If you want a form, reply to us, I want a form. No, reply to us, I want form. And then it says, copyright Meta Platforms, Inc. 1601 Willow Road, Menlo Park, California, 94025. That checks out.

That's a Californian address. Now, I saw that and I went, oh, you know, I have posted a few reels recently with some music or, you know, maybe that was the issue. And someone's complained about it. Maybe Miley Cyrus might have complained. No, because she's allowed her music to be used on reels. Yeah, if you're using the music that's available, it's allowed. Yeah.

So I was like, I was about to say, I want form. And then I was like, I better just check with the gang. And I sent it to our work chat. Hey, guys, scam? And everyone was like, so obviously a scam. Yes. But I've fallen for them before. I fell for the Courier one, the one, you know,

you've got something held at customs. I always online. What do they want? We need three dualas. We need three dualas in your access. The courier one is always tempting because you're always getting a parcel, right? Always getting a parcel. If they had that timing right where you're hanging out for your parcel,

you're like, where is it? And then it just gets you at the right moment. You're like. Mine was when I was waiting. I was waiting for something from Australia. So when they said you've got to pay a little customs thing, I was like, of course I do. Yeah.

And I literally put in the details. And then the moment I submitted them, I was like, oh, scam. But it was too late. Oh, my God, scam. Click. Oh, scam. Oh, my God, we've been scammed. So this one, and then I always get tempted to have a little play around,

you know, reply back to them and be like, I want form. Form, please. And then saying, well, why, you know, and having a little go. But I didn't have the energy. I didn't do it. But I didn't fall for the scam, but I did have to check. You're a bit like mum or gran in the group chat. Always check.

Now, what's this about? We're not going to be angry if you check. Yeah. No embarrassment. Always check. Yeah, no embarrassment. Always check. Do you know, so New Zealanders in 2022, it's reported handed over $20 million to online scammers. In 2022?

Yeah, that's according to the latest cybersecurity report. I also feel like if you get one, just Google, Google it. Because then I Googled you know whatever the violation like Instagram violation scam and then it comes up and it's like

this is a popular scam yeah same with like the road toll one my bank sent me a message being like hey this is going round oh that was good of them

yeah yeah it was to get in touch they kind of have to because they otherwise use all weekend dealing with people like you

that fell for it. Totally. I'm not going to give you my money back or reverse the payment and do all this admin. Don't fall for the scams, man. We'll be off

for the first aid course at work. Yeah, I can't. I can't. It's like eight hours. It's eight hours. It's eight hours. I saw that't. It's like eight hours. It's eight hours. I saw that too. I was like, oh. And then I saw eight hours. I was like a half day,

like a 10 to 1.30 with snacks. If there's lunch. If there's lunch, I'm in. I'm keen. Also, I feel like, you know, I'm a white guy, you know, middle class. I don't need, because they'll be like, oh my god, does anyone know CPR? I'll be like, you know, I'm a white guy, you know, middle class. I don't need, because they'll be like, oh, my God, does anyone know CPR?

I'll be like, I do. And they'll be like, okay, here comes the white savior. Classic. Yeah, white savior syndrome. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, here he comes. The colonizer's going to come and save us from ourselves. Yeah, yet again.

Like, ugh, here we go. So I don't want that, because they'll be like, oh, he saved them. Of course he did. What is this, a Hollywood movie? A super sexy white guy with bulging biceps and a perfect jawline saves the day. That's you, baby. And then my act of heroism is going to be forever tainted with the fact that it's a trope. I thought you were going to say you would be the one having the medical emergency.

Yeah, same. I'm also, well, I'm also in the demographic now of someone who's likely to be on the receiving end of it. You're in Sniper Alley. I'm in Sniper Alley. A man in his 40s that loves to drink. And eats red meat. Too much red meat.

Yeah. Yeah. Yes. Yeah. Oops. I mean, don't get me wrong. I think you should go do the course then. If I work nine to five, I would absolutely do the course because it would get me off. It's Yeah. Oops. I mean, don't get me wrong. I think you should go do the course then. If I work nine to five, I'd absolutely do the course because it would get me off.

It's a day off. It'd get me off work. But we work five to nine. Yeah, we work in the morning. So it's a bit. I've got the gym. I've got the gym. I've got the gym, brah.

And you've got some mints in the fridge. I've got mints in the fridge and that's going to go off in the afternoon. So I've got to cook it now. Exactly. I've got that for lunch. Exactly. But it's a great thing to do. Lots of people have signed up for it.

While Georgia from the day show, she's doing it. Oh, Carween at the producer's. Yeah, Carween. Carween's here if you die. Carween will be able to. And Shannon, but not Jared. Jared doesn't care about the people. Jared, again, he's worried about the white guy thing.

He's got mints in the fridge. Is it the white guy thing, Jared? I just don't want to volunteer for things. You don't want to kiss Vaughn. I don't want to kiss anyone Oh, yeah, I'm not I don't want to talk to people Are we doing mouth to mouth? Yeah you have to be mouth to mouth Just imagining somebody goes down in the office and they you know need mouth to mouth You're like why wasn't it the hot one?

Oh my gosh Vaughn Straight up Straight up. Straight up to HR. Straight up to HR. Don't jot that down. Get them down here. You'll probably find this out on the day, but do we have some kind of dental dam?

Oh, my gosh. That's every good point. It would be good to put them to use. Yeah. You know, there's just hundreds. Are you not using them every year? Every time. Every time, of course.

August had never used contraceptive drugs. Dental dam. Dental dam. No, surely it's like a CPR dummy or something. Yeah, but who's listening? I heard it's Jeremy Wells. Oh, yeah, I'm like so mad. Yeah, okay.

I'm sounding up now. Maybe I might be able to find a day. Tongue and Wells. What day is it on? Straight out to HR, the lot of you. Oh, no, it's on in May. I'm too busy in May. It's a busy month.

I'm very busy May. It's a busy month. Yeah. You know what they say, snow in May, it won't stay. And that worries me endlessly. Of course. About the ski fields. I'll be spending most of my May concerned about New Zealand ski fields.

We've got a wedding in May, too. We've got that Friday wedding. Oh, my gosh. Of course, the first weekend in May is duck shooting. It's Comedy Fest. It's my show, 9 till 13. Yeah, we've got that Friday wedding. Of course, the first week in May is duck shooting. It's comedy fest. It's my show 9 till 13. And it's the last month of autumn before we settle into winter.

We can't be doing it. If the two producers are if you're going to do the course, we're in good hands. Look, I'm going to think back to this conversation and use as much hesitation as you have to do the training. Excuse me, you get the dental dam straight out. You're being taught not to hesitate. I've got a whole pack in my bag at all times dental dams just all like always ready to go can i grab a couple of those yeah not cpr related but i've always

been no no no these the cpr ones have a hole in there because you've got to be able to get through the year right to get through we don't want to be like Michael Douglas. Wait, do gentlemans not have holes? Of course they do. What the idea is this? I don't even know. Why don't you even know? I've been joking. I'll be honest with you. I've been joking around. I don't know what they are.

I have never seen one in the flesh. You put them down. On what? Sex stuff. Yeah. On the man or the woman? On the woman. On the woman.

Wait a minute. Wait a minute. Wait a minute. Wait a minute. Wait a minute. You're laying down a sheet of glad wrap. Yeah. You're glad wrapping.

Latex. It's latex. Wait a minute. At what part of the foreplay are you like, excuse me, flicking out your dead skin? Before you even get down there. What does that look like? And what did you lay it across then? Yeah.

And then it comes between you and the. For tri-humping. No. For the lingus. And then it comes between you and the... For tri-humping. No! For the lingus. English for outlet. What is happening? Right, this is an off-air conversation. Wow, okay.

Gross! How did you never know this? I don't know. Oh, my God. I'm going to watch a video. I can't even say what I thought it was. How did you never know that? I've never come across one.

You're religious high school. Oh, my God. You skipped that, didn't you? Yeah. You were religious high school. I went to a low-decile public high school. You ain't got room for those mate You can show Vaughn the video later

I'm watching a video of how to use them Now we want to turn our attention to the fact that The first aid course is happening here at work And ask the question Is there anybody listening That's ever actually used it The first aid or the dental dam The first aid course not the dental dam

Why is it called a dental dam? It sounds like something that holds your teeth in place. It should be called like an oral barrier or something. How am I going to explain this to my kids? Well, you should, otherwise I'm going to have to be a 41-year-old man who's learning on the radio what this is. Oh, gosh. Wow.

I can't believe he was just joking along like he knew what it was. I was just like, ha, ha, ha. What? Ha, ha, ha. Man, yeah. Those dental dams. What up? Turning our attention to the first aid course that we have been offered,

is there anybody listening that's done a first aid course and actually has used it? And it's like, save the day. You know, like you were somewhere. Our social media producer, Shanalette Pajamas, she's really in the spotlight today. But your mother has a great story. She's not highly expert, but that's secondary to her. She won an award. I mean, I am just reiterating.

Straight up. Straight up says HR, but she does. Oh, God, my videos changed to how to make a dental dam. Get it closed. Land rat. Two layers. Double bagged. We're in trouble.

We're in trouble today. Today's gone off the rails. Shannon. Yes. My mum did a first aid course and then there was a crash outside their house the next day and she performed CPR

and saved the guy's life. That next day? And then the day after that another crash and she performed CPR again. Is there a tricky corner outside your parents' house? Either that or...

No, everyone's looking at her legs and crashing into the bowl. Oh my God. Check out Miss Legs Hawks Bay. All right, well, 0800-DARLS-IT-EM. We want to take some calls right now. You can text as well, 9696.

Have you ever had to use your first aid training? When did it kick in? Did you save the day? Did you save the day or did you not pay attention? And then it was asked, has anyone done first aid training? And you went, oh, kind of. And you're like, these don't usually have a hole in them. Talking about when a first aid course.

And that's all we're talking about. Has paid off. When did you save the day with a first aid course? Because we've got a first aid course here at work. You know what? And I'm almost convinced. To get on board. To get on board.

Because some amazing stories coming through. Oh, I know. Yeah. Let's take a call. Okay, Rachel. Rachel, when did a first aid course save the day?

Well, I was at my friend's daughter's first birthday and she choked on a grape and I just picked her up, threw her over my arm and pounded her on the back. Yeah, because you don't highlight anymore, eh? You do, you whack them.

Little kids has always been a whack. Oh, really? I think so. Yeah. From, like, above the ass, eh, and you whack forward and flat onto the back. Like, you've got to move it. Yeah, like, you literally...

Bang, and a bit of a forward motion. Yeah, right. So the grape came out. Yes. Oh, great. You saved a one-year-old's life. Yeah. Yeah. So the grape came out? Yes. Oh, great. You saved a one-year-old's life. Yeah. Yeah, she's seven now, so she wasn't harmed in the process of the smack.

She wasn't harmed in the dislodging of the grape. But was there a point where they were like, you know, the course is eight hours, you were like, oh, I just can't be bothered. Well, we did the half day one, because you can do some of the online prior. Oh, okay. We could do that. Yeah. Yeah, right.

I could like correspondence. We could sit around, we'd have a few drinks and do it online together. I don't think you'd do them with drinks. Have a few grapes. I don't, yeah. Some grapes, yeah. Rachel, thank you.

Some messages in. And thank you for saving a bloody life, Rachel. Yes. I've used first aid numerous times, reads this text. Said the drunk Aussie who accidentally took a chunk out of his wrist with broken glass on Kentucky.

Loads of work ones. Also, as a supermarket store manager, we have quite a few incidences in store. Of course. On your slippery floor. Yeah. Run up. Are you still going to be paying for those groceries?

Yeah. Hey, you dropped that bottle of wine, so you've got to pay for that. Yeah, you've got to pay for that. I want to know this morning when a first aid course has paid off. Sarah, what happened? Oh, hey, good morning, guys. Good morning. Good morning.

Good morning. Hello. Hey, so I was at my birthday at a restaurant. And it was almost a bit like a birthday. Happy birthday. Thank you. It was a little while ago. That's all right.

It was a little while ago. Was it a restaurant where they came out and they sung happy birthday to you? They did, and they even played music, and then they put flames on, like, the teppanyaki. Oh, yes. Oh, my God. That's posh, isn't it? Yeah, what's your teppanyaki?

Well, it wasn't teppanyaki. It was actually Mongolian, but it was similar sort of set up. Yeah. Was there a sizzling platter or a hot plate? A shield, I believe. Slightly digressing. You're slightly digressing. sort of set up. Yeah. Was there a sizzling platter or a hot plate? A shield, I believe. Smiley digressing.

Yeah, I'm digressing. Smiley digressing, Sarah. Sarah, this is our show. We'll digress if we want. No, she's right. We're off track. Don't tell us not to digress on our own show, Sarah. Genghis Khan!

Genghis! Was there a sizzling platter that you sit around? Or a sizzling... Well, I need to... Now we've gone down this path, I need to explain it a little bit. They had a

wall full of, I guess you could say, raw sort of food. You would go and grab your food and then take it up. Yeah, I've been, there's like, it's called Genghis Khan. This might not be Genghis Khan. It's not. Genghis Khan was an own Mongolian. A wall of raw meat.

You take it up to a guy and be like, make it not raw. Like it would just be hooked over trellis or something. Just all hanging on books. It's in little boxes, eh? Yeah. Just how the Mongolians did it. And the wall is the Great Wall of China and they're like, one day we're going to get over here and watch

out when we do. Sarah, please keep describing the restaurant. So you get your bowl and you put your raw meat and your sort of salads and then your garnishes and then you take it up to a giant hot plate. Yeah. And it's round and there's five men standing around it and you pass your meal over and they sort of saute it

and then once it's cooked, they give it back. Yeah. That's the biz, man. And it's all you can eat, hey? Keep going up. Yeah. Yeah, boy. You can keep going up to the wall of meat. Yeah.

As many times as you can, but it's always only like two and a half bowls, and then you're out. You know what I mean? I kind of feel Sarah's really sidetracked the show with explaining to us how a Mongolian restaurant works. What are you doing? It's 8 o'clock when you should be playing. We haven't even played the ads.

Let's wrap this up, Sarah. What happened? So I'm standing at the hot plate waiting for my meal. I'm going to the wall of meat. Oh, the wall of meat. The Great Wall of China. Yeah. And I get this faint call from my table.

My sister's yelling at me trying to get me to come back. So I go back and she's like, I'm like, what? And she points and this poor fella over there outside of the restaurant is clearly choking. And everybody is just sort of standing around staring at him, not sort of doing anything. That's what I help. No.

So I wander over and I ask him just to double check, are you choking? Yeah. And he's like, he gives me a pretty solid stare. And so I say, right, mate, I'm just going to jump in behind you and, you know, attempt the Heim manoeuvre. But unfortunately,

I'm five foot and he was six foot, so it just was never going to work. Kind of like a Jack Russell. A Labrador. Yeah, my sister said it looked like I was trying to throw him across the room. So I realised that that wasn't working, and so I said to him, look, pop your hands on your knees

because I need you to stabilise yourself. I'm going to give you a massive whack on the back. Yeah. So I whacked him as per instructions and he vomited everywhere and yeah, threw up his giant chunk of meat. See now that would put me off my Mongolian. I'm not going back to the way I made up for that.

You saved him at the same time. Was it for the greater good? We've got a lot of people now put off their food. Yeah, but I think an ambulance and dragging a dead body out of an all-you-can-eat restaurant is not a good vibe either. No, that really puts you off your Mongolian. That's for sure. The Mongolian throat singing would pause momentarily

where they removed him out of respect. Yeah, you got a little off track there, Sarah, with that story, but thank you. Now it's 801 now. Well, Sarah, it's a great story. Great story. Thank you so much for calling. Exactly. It's really, I'm in the mood for Mongolian.

Yes, I wish a Mongolian barbecue. But we'll remember to chew our chunks of meat, won't we, that we get from the Great Wall of China meat. Play ZM's Fletch for the Daily. Play ZM. Yesterday I popped out, popped up your way, actually, Vaughn, to... Stay away from our house. No. It's where my favourite laundromat is.

I mean, when you find a good laundromat. It's just perfect. It's FPOS, you know? FPOS! So you're stuffing around with coins. How are they laundering? I assume every laundromat's money laundering. No, no, no.

This is just a truly humble Kiwi business. Okay. Anyway, so I had a big load of laundry to do, so I went to the laundromat. Got noering. No, no, no. This is just a truly humble Kiwi business. Okay. Anyway, so I had a big load of laundry to do. So I went to the laundromat. Got no, remember, we've got no bathroom, no laundry. Because you're renovating. Yeah. And then I put my washing on and I was like, it's the morning.

I got it really early yesterday. And I was like, oh, what am I going to do to pass this time? I'm a bit hungry. Wait, so you left your washing just going. Someone could steal it while you're away. I'm not going to wash it for 33 minutes. I do a quick wash. Yeah, no, no, no, no it while you're away. I'm not going to watch it for 33 minutes. I do a quick wash. Yeah, no, no, no, no.

I don't stay. It's a very honest community. Right. It's a safe, honest community. And then I saw that the QMU markets were on, so I went to the QMU market and I was like, I'll just walk around a little bit. Had a dozen dumplings for breakfast.

Yeah. Breakfast dumplings. Breakfast of champions. Oh, yeah. I got some curry sauces, a dozen dumplings for breakfast. Breakfast dumplings. Oh yeah, I got some curry sauces, a bit more chilli oil from Banu's cooking school or something. I was looking around and then I went to leave and I was like

the 12 dumplings for breakfast wasn't enough. And I saw this little cart that was selling these really good looking baked goods and I thought, you know what that's a bit of me and I got in the line. Then I got up there and I saw this little cart that was selling these really good-looking baked goods, and I thought, you know what, that's a bit of me, and I got in the line. Then I got up there, and I saw they had a fruit custard tart. Well, you've got to have your breakfast put. You've had your breakfast.

I've got to have my breakfast put. And then you've got to have your breakfast put. Yeah, and it was like a shortcrust pastry tart, like very French style, you know, with like a sort of semi-soft custard in it with strawberries on top and peaches and berries. That's a place. That's posh. Posh. Too posh for me. It was like $8.

I was like, yeah, $8. At least. Anyway, so I got this and she said, do you want to put it in a box for later or do you want to just take it away and eat it now? And I was like, I'm going to eat it now. And then she put it in this little tray and then, it was so windy yesterday

in Auckland. It was so, so windy. So I was like, walking with this little thing, I was like, it's going to blow apart. I've got to get back in the car. Now, if you're just joining us,

I'm borrowing a car at the moment. Yes. I've got a short-term lease on an Audi, very fancy car. Yes. And I have not yet

eaten in it because it's not my car and I don't want to be mang. We all know about the stinky dink. Right. Then I've turned the Mazda into a feral cesspit. Because you've got to give it back. I've got to give it back any day now. Yeah. They'll email me being like time's up. But it was so windy so I took my custard

tart and I was like it's alright. I'll hold the tart and I'll hold the box underneath my mouth. Yeah. And I'll just eat the tart before I leave. I didn't drive. I just sat in my... Is it so flaky pastry? No, short crust like a biscuity. Oh, still dangerous. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know. So that's why I had

this and I was like, any crumbs, I'll give it a bit of a vac and it's alright. And then I took a bite and the first, like this whole bit fell off and it's gone down you know, like between the console and the seat. Damn, that's a tight spot. And it is custard.

Like it is like thick custard and a bit of the biscuit. Ooh, that's egg. It's egg, that's egg. Right, that's egg. And it's so like my hand, you wouldn't say that's mega thick, but it won't fit. I have been meaning to ask. Quite thick hands. You knew you had a thick hand.

Oh, why do I? No, you've actually got really skinny hands. Thank you. Skinny fingers. You do. Very petite, like breakfast sausages. She's a dainty gal. Anyway, so it can't fit.

I tried to get a stick, like something out of my bag, like a pen to flick it out. It's stuck. It's jammed. Wait, so you tried to flick custard with a pen. That's not going to work. Yeah, I know. Wait, this happened yesterday. This happened yesterday. And it's still it's stuck. It's jammed. You tried to flick custard with a pen. That's not going to work. Yeah, I know. Wait, this happened yesterday.

This happened yesterday. And it's still there. Yeah. Well, I can't get it out. And then also, a little bit of the custard. Did you go in the back seat and then put your hand up? Yeah, yeah. I can't. It is literally stuck in the tightest little spot. I also dropped a little bit of custard in

the handbrake. It's one of those little push-down buttons. It's like, click, like this. And there's custard underneath it now. And the handbrake. It's one of those little push-down buttons. It's like click, like this. And there's custard underneath it now. And I don't know, there's no, oh my God. I don't know how to get this out. You're not going to be able to resell this car. Yeah, I know. What about the, you know, the service station sucky vacuums

that you've got like 30 seconds to clean your whole car? No, no, no, they're a big fat tube. Yeah, but maybe if you put it close, it might suck it up. I need to put like a mouse in there. You know what I mean? Like to have a little tiny mouse in there. And to eat the wire out. We caught a mouse last night.

I should have kept it and put it in the Audi and then it would have eaten the custard. There's an old nursery rhyme about an old lady who swallowed a fly and then to catch the fly she swallowed. What did she swallow to catch the fly? There was an old lady who swallowed a fly. I don't know why she swallowed a fly. Perhaps she'll die.

I mean, there wasn't a lady who swallowed a spider. It went down inside her. Now, this is the thing. If you put the mouse in the Audi to get the thing, then you're going to put your cat in the Audi, and then the cat's going to get stuck somewhere, and then you're going to dog. Then that's a whole mess because if your cat's stuck somewhere

and the dog mauls it. And Audi strictly said no dogs. It's leather seats. So I'm just saying it's a dangerous road to start down. Is this a grooming situation? What about a long stick? It's custard. Yeah, but like

you could put a wet wipe on the end of it and sellotape it on. Like on the end of a big ruler. Like a rag on a stick. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then get down. It's just going tootape it on. Oh, like a baby wipe on the end? Yeah, like on the end of a big ruler. Chop a rag on a stick. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then get down. It's just going to smear it in. Yeah, no, that's what I'm saying.

Smear it in. This feels like a professional cleaning job. You're talking about when you drop something and rather than pick it up, you just rub it in. Yes. I like that. I like that. Like if you're staying at a hotel or a motel and it's not your carpet.

Yeah. Just kind of rub it in. I'm just going to look up luxury car grooming Auckland. Why does it have to be luxury? Because I'm not getting any, because I got it groomed not too long ago. I won't say by whom. And when I got in the car, it didn't even look like anything had happened. They just put down that little shoe shape thing.

Well, that'll teach you for not doing it yourself. I'm not doing it myself. Somebody said take the whole seat out. Fuck out. It's not my car. You it myself. Somebody said take the whole seat out. Fuck out. It's not my car. You're going to have to take the whole seat out. You'll take the seat out and you'll be like, oh, how does this go back in? It's one of those ones where you take it apart, you're like, all right,

start taking photos at every stage so we know how to put it back together. And then you take it apart, you're like, I've stopped taking photos. And then there's like four bolts left over. I'm going to get an email from Audi and they're going to say, hey, can you bring the car back? And I'll bring it back and I'll be sitting on the actual well, holding it like this, driving it. Sitting on a swapper crate.

I'm pretty sure this is Outlook. Here you go, guys. I've had a great month. And they'll be like, where's the driver's seat? There was never one in there. You need to get this out now because it's eggs and custard. I know. It's going to start stanking.

There's custard everywhere. I'm turning the Audi into a stinky dink. And this is why you can't have nice things. Back in the Maz for you. Back in the Maz. Back in the stinky Maz. Someone said get a straw down there and suck it out yourself. No.

Suck out a bit of custard. The time is gone for me to suck out that custard. Somebody also suggested getting a piece of bamboo and with your vacuum cleaner creating a seal with your fingers for the vacuum cleaner on the other side put the bamboo so you're the adapter. Cut off a piece of hose and tape that to the end of your vacuum cleaner.

Bingo. Bit of garden hose. Bit of garden hose. Okay. And then suck that custard right up. Do it at one of those vacuum cleaners at like the supermarket or like the car wash because you don't want your own vacuum cleaner having custard. No, I don't. No.

No. Or luxury car grooming or custard. Play. ZM's Fletch Vaughan and Hayley. Fly spray. It's not good. It's no good anymore. What? This is a bold claim. It's a bold claim It's no good anymore. What?

This is a bold claim. It's a bold claim, but a guy on Reddit said it, and I've been saying it to Sade for ages. You used to be able to walk into a room and just, like, walk around giving the area upwards a bit of a... Yeah. That would take care of it. Yeah.

We've got these flies at the moment, unless you hit them with a direct blast, well, you've pretty much got to drown them in a sea of flies. Well, that's what I've, you hit them, and then they're like, whoa, my wings are too heavy. They're covered in some sort of sticky residue, and then they hit the ground, and then you give them two more.

I love an aggressive hold on one that's really ruined your day. Yeah, yeah. And just the white foams forming on the window that it's on, and Sade's like, you make a mess of the windows. That's what I thought you said. Yeah, yeah. And just the white foams forming on the window that it's on and Sade's like, you make a mess of the windows. That's what I thought you said. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And the fly's like, help. And I'm like, no.

Because there's nothing worse than doing a light general spray and then having to have spinning flies on your windowsills. I quite like seeing a breakdancing fly. No, I hate them. Because, man, they're spinning quick. There's like one wing's going and they're just going around and around.

You've got to give them another ch-ch. Yeah, ch-ch. Because I'll say it. Raid has really, that's the one that feels let me down. I bought, they were very cheap. This is probably why. Okay.

For a two-pack. So I bought two two-packs. That's four cans. Yeah. And I've got them placed around the house. Yeah. So when I see a fly, I can be within, you know, a couple of steps in an arm's reach of a can of fly spray.

But you spray it in the air, in the general air, and they just keep flying like a busy airport. Yeah. Right. They're not taking me seriously. Do you think that they've weakened whatever? Their immunity. They're building an immunity to it.

The flies are, yeah. The poison. Only the strongest will survive. Are the fly sprays weaker now because of regulations? Oh, man. Well, I'm sick of regulations. Oh, my God. On the planet.

On the planet. In the 90s, like, you just, yeah, like you say, fly spray a room and it's all, everything's dead. I come from a long line of females with a heavy can finger. Yeah. My mum will just walk through a house absolutely unapologetically. No mask. Psh, just spraying a house.

And she'll just make random comments like, I'm sick of the flies. The flies are everywhere, the flies. And just my grandmother was the same, just psh, right above the kitchen. Oh, yeah, always. While there's food out. Yeah, or like the dishes.

You've done the dishes and they're sitting on the bench and you give it a, so it all settles on the dishes and what have you. Yeah, I love that. Good God. But, yeah, I just don't think it's as strong as it used to be. Have you ever had your walls sprayed? My in-laws do that. Inside or outside?

Inside. I had friends that had that done. They had all the decks outside sprayed and, like you say, the walls. Yeah. And it lasts for ages. I thought you sprayed outside, not inside. Oh, maybe it was outside. But that can't be good either, right?

It can't be good. Who cares? But if it stops the flies, I don't care. There's a hole in the ozone layer. It's been there for years. It's not going anywhere. We're not even using that as a propellant anymore. So go hard.

But we had those little guys that sit around the house and every nine minutes they go, psst. Yeah, we've got that. That's just cheap though. They're made of rubbish plastic. They don't work? Well, they don't. I think we had it

for like a year and a bit and then the little red thing tries to go down and the batteries are like, now, and it goes, ehhh. And even if it's a full can with new batteries,

it like, ehhh. Oh. Yeah. You've got to do it manual. You've got to go manual, hands on. I've really been enjoying the manual lately. I go hunting. And don't tell me bugger salt. Is that what you're about to say?

Someone messages me bugger salt. Don't tell me the bugger salt. This is the gun that you load with salt and then it shoots. And you shoot little salts around. I've seen the videos. They look fun. I don't want salt everywhere. I eat salt everywhere. But B, the videos. They look fun. I don't want salt everywhere through my house though. I eat salt everywhere.

But B, the minute you like leave it out, we live in, especially Auckland's very humid. Yep. The salt pumps and it's no good. And then you can't get it out

because it started going down the thing. Also, I'm not trying to destroy a business. Bag on them, yeah. But in a humid area, it's no good because the salt clumps. And I'm not emptying the salt

and reloading the salt every time I want to rock around the house blasting flies out of there. The best one I had was just this little flat one, this blue, very basic plastic thing

with a spring on it and you pushed like a fly swat on the end. Yeah. And you'd get within cooey of a fly that was on the wall and you'd be like,

and you'd shoot it and it would just go and smash it against the wall. Oh yeah, fun. Not to guts it. You know what I mean? And then you're like, I cooey of a fly that was on the wall and you'd be like, poof, and you'd shoot it and it would just go, poof, and smash it against the wall. Smack him. Oh, yeah, fun. Not to guts it. You know what I mean? And then you're like, I'm going to whack a fly

and you're like, it's probably going to move so I'm not going to hit it. So you go full strength and you hit it and the guts of the fly goes everywhere. Well, it sounds like you're going to have to invest in some stronger stuff. It seems like there's so many flies at this time of year. Was it summer?

It's just life, isn't it? It's super wet. Yeah, maybe. How did it push out the fly population? Guys, I've just received an email from Audi. They're listening. About the custard. Speaking of flies, Hayley's Audi is going to be full of them because there's a custard

spill. You've got custard down the seat that you can't reach. What have they said? Couldn't help but hear your whoopsie this morning. She's in trouble. They told me not to stress. Oh, don't stress, right. They've actually offered me their professional grooming service.

Thank you, Shannon. Thank you, Shannon and Aunty. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley. Fact of the day, day, day, day, day. Today's fact of the day is the difference between an acronym and initialism. Okay. An acronym. Yep.

Is letters that stand for. Stand for. Stand for. A bigger sentence. A longer sentence. Yep. Is letters that stand for. Stand for. Stand for. A bigger sentence. A longer sentence. Yes. But can be said as a word. For example.

Oh, right. FIFA, the Federation of International Football Association. It's FIFA. It's not F-I-F-A. We say it as a word. BBC. The organisation. Huh?

BBC. The BBC. Yeah. The BBC. Now that. What about the. That's initialism. Because you're saying the initials. Oh, okay. The BBC. Huh? BBC. The BBC. The BBC. Now that's initialism because you're saying the initials. Oh, okay. You call it the NBA, not the Nibba. That's not an acronym. No, that's initialism.

Oh. An acronym is when it's a word. PETA. Yep. People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals. That's an acronym. Because you call it PTA. Because you can say it as a word.

The PTA. The Parent Teacher Association is the PTA. So it's initialism. If it was an acronym, it would be PITA. PITA. What about the WWF? The World Wildlife Foundation. The World Wildlife Foundation.

That's a different one. So that's the difference. Now, there are some that do both. For example, RIP. RIP. Some people say RIP instead of rest in peace. No, no one says RIP. I do, sort of ironically. Yeah, RIP. Oh rest in peace. No, no one says RIP.

Oh, I do, sort of ironically. Yeah, rip. Oh my God, terrible news. Hayley's died. Yeah, Hayley's dead. Oh no, rip. Yeah. Ripper.

I think it's a really sensitive way to respond to news that someone's died. Laugh out loud. Yeah. Lol or LOL? Laugh out louder, I think it is. Laugh out loud only when you're here. They're laughing out louder because they're here. It's a comparative measure.

Yeah, right. 6am to 9am weekdays. Yeah. Scuba. Scuba diving, yeah. Yeah, stands for self-contained underwater breathing apparatus.

Does it? I thought there was a word. No thanks. It is a word now. I will never do scuba diving. Neither. Not for me. It freaks me out.

Breathing underwater, what are you, a fish? Laser. Is a word, a fish? Laser. Is a word? Is it? Does it stand for something? Light amplification by stimulated emission of radiation. I didn't know that.

But now it's become a word, hasn't it? What about when they spell it with a Z? You know Americans spell laser with a Z, don't they? Because that would be light amplification by stimulated emission of radiation. I've got that wrong. Interesting. Okay. So there is a difference.

If you say the acronym as the letters, that is initialism. But if you say it as a word, that is indeed an acronym. Fact of the day, day, day, day, day. There was a Sydney man who thought it would be a great idea to propose to his wife, well, his wife-to-be,

during a trip to Lebanon. Okay. Now, I've never been to Lebanon. A lot going on in Lebanon at most given moments, but she's Lebanese, so they were kind of going back there and, you know, travelling around. And he, the whole thing is just baffling me. So basically, a family member was filming what happened. They were driving along in Lebanon, like out for the day, and the husband had organised for a staged kidnapping.

So they're driving along in the car. She's in the front seat. They pull up to a stoplight. The car doors open and people in masks come into the car and take her. She's screaming for her life as if she's about to die because... Well, she thinks she's being kidnapped. This wouldn't be the most far-fetched thing to happen on a holiday.

So they're in balaclavas. It's so bad. They shove her in the back of another car and drive off, right? And then everyone in the background of the video is like, once the car leaves with her in the back, it's like, ha, ha, ha. Then the video jumps to her arriving somewhere a little bit later. Again, this whole time apparently she's been in tears, screaming for her life. Please, please.

Oh, my God, she looks so upset. Like, oh, my God, it's so bad. Anyway, she gets out of the car and her blindfold is removed and then her boyfriend gets down on one knee and is like, lol, jokes, I'm proposing. Will you marry me? What? Yeah. Like, if you look at this woman's face when she's got the blindfold on,

her life is flashing before her eyes. Yeah, she's fearing for her life. She's fearing for her life. And then what is her face when she realises? They take it off. Here's the moment they take it off. And they see the husband with flowers and a beautiful view.

Then she puts her hand in her mouth and she cries. Now, is she crying? Because, oh my God. She's had a perfectly traumatic event. Or because she's so traumatised. Oh my God. I don't know how to take that. That's...

This is such a dumb idea. She said yes. Yeah, yeah. She's like, is such a dumb idea. She said yes. Yeah, yeah. She's like, oh my God, I love you. If anyone ever did this to me... You'd kick them in the face first, wouldn't you? I would kick them somewhere else, honestly. Yeah.

And she says, yes, there's music playing, her family's around. What? I, for one, I'm very happy for them. I'm very happy for them. And of course, the whole thing is filmed for TikTok.

The whole thing is filmed and it was uploaded by one of the family members and then they kiss and it's like, look. She's so upset. It's not fake, is it?

No, no, no. Definitely not. No, no, no. It's so terrifying to watch the whole thing. In fact, it would be so triggering for some people

to watch it. It's terrible. And then she posted a photo of them by the sunset with flowers and a ring being like, what a dream come true. A dream proposal. There are other ways to propose to people. Yeah.

But I want to know if, I mean, I don't think anything like this, anyone would be so stupid to do something like this, if you've had a nightmare proposal or something went terribly wrong. Or you've seen one, because there would have been people watching this, right? Yeah, yeah, there was. It would be like, I think it would be most people's worst nightmare

to have a really public, over-the-top proposal, right? It's not us. It's not most people. Like a flash mob or utterly embarrassed or terrified or something. You've just had a nightmare proposal. Or like you say no. A woman in Australia on holiday in Lebanon was fake kidnapped and then proposed to.

Yeah, in the most terrifyingly realistic staged kidnapping. Bad idea, bad idea, bad idea. She did say yes, though. She did say yes. But I think she was just in shock. Yeah, what happens when you say no to the guy? They had fake guns. What?

Yeah. Okay, wow. That's insane. We want to know your proposal nightmares. Someone whose name starts with B replied to us on Instagram and said he proposed after being broken up for three months. So they'd broken up. Three months later, he's like, oh, I know what's going to fix this. Desperate attempt for three months. So they'd broken up. Three months later, he's like,

oh, I know what's going to fix this. Desperate attempt. Three months. Wouldn't leave me alone. Had to get a restraining order. Oh. Nothing says no like a restraining order.

Yeah. There is no harder no to give. Really. Well, or does it just tell them that they are enjoying being chased? And now they also

have to hurdle the law. It's not what it means. Nicky said it wasn't a nightmare so much, but he was so nervous he couldn't open the box. So he asked the question, but couldn't get the box open to give me the ring and he was very nervous. That's pretty sweet, isn't it?

That's nice though. That is sweet. We're talking about those disastrous proposals that you were maybe on the receiving end of. God, there's some terrible ones. You could have put a bit more thought into it. You proposed and it went okay, but it was the response that was somewhat of a nightmare. Nothing as bad as a fake kidnapping yet.

No. Nothing quite that bad. I proposed and she said yes and then asked if I was going to start gymming and get my teeth fixed before the wedding. Oh, that's so nasty. I didn't know there was anything wrong with my teeth. That's, yeah, that's one of the ones I was talking about. This is sort of a nightmare in return.

Yeah. I proposed to a girlfriend of seven years and she got all quiet and she said, actually, I wanted to talk to you about seeing other people. I mean, at least you know now or not. Hell of a time. Charlie, what was the nightmare proposal? My nightmare proposal was that I'd booked a private resort over in the Philippines to propose to my partner.

Stunning. And so they'd set up some security so other people wouldn't, you know, ruin the moment. But we ran late because my fiance was busy taking photos of plants. So security wouldn't let us get past into the private spot. Oh, so you can't come in here, someone's proposing to their partner. So did you end up doing it there anyway? Yeah, so luckily my partner was super busy

fidgeting with the camera and had no idea that they were like, sorry, you can't pass. And I was like, no, like, I'm the booking. That's me kind of thing. But for a while they're like, oh no, sorry, sir, it's private. I'm like, yeah, yeah.

I am private. I am the private. Yeah. Oh my God. Well, I'm glad you got it done. Yeah, got there in the end. I am private. I am the private. Yeah. Oh, my God. Well, I'm glad you got it done. Yeah, got there in the end. Thanks, Charlie. A couple of messages to finish.

He put the ring in my champagne, didn't see it, and choked on it and made a fool of myself in front of the whole restaurant. Oh, my God. Imagine, like, not being able to see

your engagement ring until you poop it out. Which definitely goes for the whole swallow. Can't wait to see it. We were on FaceTime without even looking away from his gaming.

He said, oh, I wanted to ask you, do you want to marry me? And held this ring up to the camera, but wasn't even looking at the camera at the time. Needless to say, it didn't work out. Goodbye. I saw a flash mob in a park when I was out for a run once.

Slowed down when I realised it was a proposal and I might be able to watch. And then I saw the couple go their separate ways and then the flash mob awkwardly like, where do we go? At least just say yes, and then when everyone's gone, say no. That's what I always think

I don't just say yes It's so elaborate And then be like Dude what was that No In private The ring for the proposal Was put on the cat's collar

He popped the cat on my lap The cat promptly jumped out the window With the uninsured ring around its neck The way it went My proposal My now husband took me for a walk To the blue pools The whole time we were getting eaten by sand flies, nothing happened.

Then on the way back to the motorbike, they went there on, I assume, he says, do you want to marry me one day? Me not knowing if it was a proposal or just like a chat, I said, yeah, I guess so, one day. And then I turn around and he's down on one knee proposing to me I said don't put one day on the end just do you want to marry me

it goes without saying it's not going to be that day on the track to the on the boardwalk back why not at the blue poles they're very beautiful beautiful

the sand flows may have been somewhat distracting he probably got too nervous and then he sort of stuffed it up a bit yeah and so he put the ring on and said righto

then carry on and then we got all the way back to the bike and he said oh and so he put the ring on said right i then carry on uh and then we got all the way back to the bike and he said oh you can't wear the ring on the way home because if we crash it will de-glove the skin all the skin off your finger oh yeah i counted 79 all rights today fletcher but that's a new personal record oh off how many of those did you count? 79 of those, too. All right, well, if you enjoyed today's podcast, give us a rate and review. Or f*** off.