ZM's Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley - Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley's Big Pod - 17th January 2024

Episode Date: January 16, 2024

Silly Little Poll!  Top 6: AI School Reports  Asparagus Psychic  Hayley's Silly Purchase  Onions!?  Fact of the Day Day Day Day Daaaaay!See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

The ZM Podcast Network. The Fletchforn and Hayley Big Pod. Enjoy a refreshing McCafe iced coffee available only from Macca's. Great things are brewing. Good morning, welcome to the show, Fletchforn and Hayley. It's two minutes past six. Morena, morena. God, drama, eh?

What a way to start the year. Some political drama. Some political shot-lifting drama. Some polit-dram. Some political drama. Oh, the video's not good, is it? No, not great. Look. Look, we've all done bad things.

Yeah. We've all done bad things. Do you think you ever shoplift? I didn't shoplift. I remember I was a bit of a klepto when I was a kid. I used to steal a lot from other kids and like teachers in the school and stuff. And then that stopped.

But I had a lot of friends that did shoplifting. I'll say that here and now. And I was present. I used to just be like. Like private school friends? No, no, no. These were my. These were my.

Primary. Oh, okay. My local sort of rough mates. Sorry, the public. My rough mates. Okay, right. Yeah, yeah. No, no.

We just asked mummy and daddy to buy it for us. Of course, yeah. Can I have it? Please. But I want it, mummy. No, not now, Hayley. Look, Daddy to buy it for us. Of course, yeah. Can I have it? Please. But I want it, Mummy. No, not now, Hayley. Look, bitch, buy it for me now, please. Or I'll do drugs.

Okay, okay, don't do drugs. Please, please. What a slippery slope. We've got the top six coming up. Yeah, a Tauranga school has had the AOK to use chat GPT to write school reports. You know how I feel about chat GPT, writing things for professionals. Yeah. Oh, yeah, you have to read a script, don't you?

I had to do a voiceover once. It had been written by a... AI program. AI program, and I threw a bit of a wobbly about it because, God, you could tell that a human hath not cast eyes upon this script. But I would say school reports are the closest thing to AI for the last 20 years anyway. It's the same blueprint.

It's the same phrases over and over. So we've got the top six things AI will say in your school report. Coming up later. Yes, later. Silly little poll as well. Would you clone your pet? We'll get into that soon. You love Rolly, but do you want a Rolly 2.0?

Absolutely. Well, Kiwis are rushing to book holidays. The back-to-work blues are a thing. So you get to work and your first thought is, how do I get out of here again? What do I have to look forward to? Yeah, do you know what? Yes, I totally understand. What do I have to look forward to? Yeah. Do you know what?

Yes. I totally understand that. You've got to have something in the cow. Yes. Do you know, because sometimes Fletch and I, we like to, we calendar our blowouts. We do. And then once that blowout's done, we'll be like, there's nothing in the cow. We booked a dinner yesterday for like February.

Yeah, I know. Because you've got to have it in the cow. You've got to have it to look forward to. You said February and I was like, that's months away. It's not. It's not. It's literally two weeks. Take three breaths and it will be February. So Flight Centre have seen a surge in bookings in store

and online since the 8th of January, so that's a week and a half ago. Bookings have been up 25% compared with the previous week. My only thing would be like I know holidays I plan on taking or want to take. My only thing is like you've just gone

through a holiday period in which like money's been spent so I don't have the money to pre-book something so far in advance. But I suppose if you did it's smart because most likely cheaper. And also I guess maybe people are credit carding it or you know you can get after pay as well. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Probably not the best idea. We're not encouraging spending money you don't have currently. But I mean, I guess people do and they've been saving and this is the time when they're like, get in. Because a lot of places,

airlines have New Year's sales as well. But if you're going away like mid-year, shouldn't you be booking like maybe three months out, four months out? I don't know. You're the expert. I don't know. Yeah, totally. I don't know.

I mean, I guess you've just got to see an airfare, like do a Google flights alert. Well, we're quite lucky because we try to figure out when we're taking our breaks because we need to plan for when the listeners are going to be like, oh no, no, what do I listen to? Seasonal depression. Exactly, when they book in their sadness because we're not on air. They need to book in holidays as well. It's in fact going to be great if when we took holidays, we let you guys know you also took holidays.

We could, because we've discussed our holidays, we'll let you know in plenty of warnings so you can also just clock out and just nothing to listen to. Yeah, right, get away. Nothing to listen to. We're gone. Do you know what I mean? Yeah. But we're lucky that we have that in advance.

So you could book a holiday now, I guess. Well, yeah, a lot of people are. I mean, it would be nice. Did it say where? Like, where are the hot spots? Bookings to the United States and Britain were popular mid-year, obviously because it's like Northern Hemisphere summer. Yes. So, yeah, Europe, LA, the big ones.

Usual favourites, the islands. Our last winter was New Zealand's summer of Europe. Yeah, it was. Like there was just that period where everyone but us was there. But then like America is so expensive at the moment. Like our dollar is not as good as it used to be. Yeah. Like pre-COVID.

So you go out and you grab like just even a burger combo. Yeah. And you're just like, ah. Yeah. It's a lot, man, when you change it. Fiji and the Cook Islands, mid-year, also popular as always. Yeah, dude. Rarotonga.

Yeah, Raro, round school holidays. They've been gorgeous. They haven't been. Love it. So, yeah, people are booking holidays. Yeah. I'm thinking I'm gagging for a Thailand. Play ZM's Fletch,

Vaughn and Hayley. There has been a surge amongst our beloved Gen Z's who we have not a bad word to say about. No. Shannon's one, isn't she?

She's my favourite one. Yeah, she's your favourite Gen Z. She's my favourite Gen Z. I think you're my favourite Gen Z too. That's such an honour. I mean, low bar, but I'll take it.

Carwin, don't throw your hands up. You are a millennial, okay? I'm not a millennial! You are an old hag like us. Yeah, you're an elderly millennial. You and Jared, you fall into the old hag category. So we can say this to Shannon, and Carwin, you are with us. When it comes to favourite millennials... Zendaya's

my favourite Gen Z. Honestly fair. Actually, can I change my answer? And, Carwin, you are with us. When it comes to favourite millennials. Zendaya is my favourite Gen Z. Oh. Honestly fair. Yeah. I'd pick her over me too. Actually, can I change my answer? Do you want to change Zendaya? Can I change my original answer?

Yeah. Yeah, Zendaya. Yeah, yeah. Do you know what I mean? Yeah. But Shannon's like a close fourth. Yeah. Oh, she dropped, eh?

Yeah, because you've taken into account the cast of Euphoria now. I have. I'm just bringing them all. Jacob Elordi's up there. Oh, actually fifth. She's good. Shannon is drained them all. Jacob Elordi's up there. Oh, actually fifth. She's a good... Shannon is top 10. Shannon's top 11.

Shannon's top 11. If more Gen Z names at you and you can... Sydney Sweeney, I don't know if she'd pop into your top. Shannon is top 25 for me. Yeah, she's...

Do you know what I mean? Yeah. She's up there. It's up there. There's a lot of people who win. There's so many Gen Zs. Yeah, yeah.

You're my billboard top 100 and one. Top 101 and I won't say what number you are. You're like top 2,000 millennials for me. Don't come at me, Shannon. Anyway, our beloved Gen Zers have just discovered the beauty that is the library. Do you know what a library is? Library.

Library. I went as a kid. You got a library card? I went as a kid you got a library card I went as a kid but I haven't since I was like two we were the generation

we're to blame why we were the generation that took them for granted and then the internet came around and we were just like we don't need you

you stinky old quiet place full of books we've got the internet now we've got Wikipedia yeah but childhood for me the library was all like

childhood childhood like you go to the library almost every day. You're just loving it and you get out great books. Every day. We would go once a week tops. We'd hang out and you'd read the books and it was like awesome. The Eastbourne Library, like it was a little library and it was so fun. Some asshole had circled Wally on all the pages.

Yeah. Ruining it for the rest of us. The last time I went to the library was there was a JP there and I needed a signed copy of my passport. Yes. Like they not rest of us. The last time I went to the library was there was a JP there and I needed a signed copy of my passport. Yes. Like they notarised us. Yes, they had a Citizens Advice Bureau in the library. And there were so many like backpackers

because it was free Wi-Fi. Yeah. And students working. And that was it. Yeah, I'm just booking my next hostel, yeah. What I remember, wait, very fond memories. One was going to the library

as a kid and my best friend who was hyper intelligent like a little bit gifted okay she I used to get the little kids books

and she was what does she do now she works in HR okay she's still very intelligent she like got a classics degree in all this and then was like

you know what wasted it like getting a classics degree you just keep learning you just stay at university the whole time wasted a waste of time anyway she I remember her taking me into the Wasted it Getting a classics degree You just keep learning You just stay at university The whole time Wasted A waste of time

Anyway She I remember her taking me Into the Like adult literature section And showing me a book In which Two

Cave men Were making love On a furry rug And I remember being like Two men What's that feeling No no no Cave woman

Cave man Cave people Have a homosexual cave couple. No, no, no, no. I didn't even know about the caves. That would be banned in a Florida library now. I bet the cave was nice though. Full of things you'd have to worry about little kids breaking.

Oh, no. Some beautiful antiques. And they'd go on like extravagant holidays. Yeah. How do they afford this? Yeah. No kids, nothing. And then I went to the library a lot in high school

because we'd study there. Big Wellington library. We'd all go there and collect things. So Gen Z is now popping off on, I don't know, probably, this looks like a tweet. So I don't know that we're still using X, are we? I deleted all of that. That's gone. But they've just been commenting being like, guys, you can borrow books for free.

And everyone was like. But it's not just books. No. You can get games. You can get e-readers as well. You can get DVDs. You can do CDs back in the day. You can get,

yeah, like, what are these called? Audiobooks and e-readers. E-books and stuff. You can just get those. Like apps. They've just been,

literally just discovered the library. Surprised that this is a thing. Yeah. Amazing. And that, like one of the library. Surprised that this is a thing. Yeah. Amazing. And like one of the big discoveries they've made is like university students. And you know, like you get your course related costs, which you'd piss away on a couple of weekends in town. They're discovering that like a lot of the books that are readings that you'd have to buy. Yeah.

You can just get them from the library for free. And then all the like older generations, and I say us included, are being like, yeah, that's a library. It's a library. Welcome. Welcome. No my, hi to my. Beautiful, safe space for everyone. Play CDM's Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley.

Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley. Silly little boys. Silly little boys. It is so silly, silly, silly. That the silly little pole Silly little pole Silly little pole Silly little pole

Silly little pole I tell you what, I know we're about to jump into one feature, but I look forward to the top six. I'm actually using AI to write responses and comments that will go in people's school reports. I love this. Because the schools had the tick to do it.

AI is savage. Oh no! This better not be about us. I'm feeling fragile. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. If I'm told desperate for attention again or distracting. Or a bit much. Yeah, or she applied herself instead of being the class clown. So, this is Silly Little Pole and we're asking, would you clone

your pet? In a heartbeat. I recently lost a pet. I don't want to talk about it. But afterwards, I was like, you wouldn't, though, because the next one's not going to be the pet you just lost. I would love to chat to someone that does have a cloned pet to say, do they have the exact same? The new president of Argentina. Yeah, he does. Is it Argentina? Yeah. Does he? He cloned pet to say, do they have the exact same... The new president of Argentina. Yeah, he does. Is it Argentina?

Yeah. Does he? He cloned his dogs. Multiple. Multiple dogs. He's insane. He's batshit. Because you can't trick your heart and head

into going it's the same cat or dog. And if they're just not quite as good, you'll always like... You look like the real deal, but you're not. You're not mine. You're not mine. You're not really. A news story I found from 2019. A couple spent $37,000 cloning a beloved dead cat.

I get the... That was in America. I get the draw to do it. I get it. I mean, I love Raleigh. And every now and then when I love him so hard, all I think is, and soon he'll die. And you're like, oh, God, I can't even think about it.

Yeah. But yeah, I know what you mean. But he's not going to be the same Raleigh, though, is he? It's not Raleigh. Raleigh is a one-off. Yeah. Well, 60% of people said no, they would not clone their pet. There's still a lot of us that would. 40%. I wonder if we said, if we'd

phrased the question that money's no option, do you think that would change people's response? I just thought of that now. Yeah, yeah, because I don't imagine it's cheap. Because I know I wouldn't want to spend $37,000 on cloning a cat, but if I was a lotto winner and I had millions of

dollars, would you? You'd sort of be like, why not? I don't think I still would. I'd still be like, oh, I could spend that somewhere doing something else. But you've got a cat like, what's its name? Cheeto. He's a shit. And he name? Cheeto. He's a shit. And he's a shit cat. He's a shit ass.

Yeah, but then I mind you, my cat after my cat Karen is great. I love him. He's better. Would you say Mars is better than Karen?

He's better. He's more chill. I don't know if you can just say better though. Yeah, no, he is. You can say different.

He's not an asshole. Oh. Was Karen an asshole? Oh yeah. Yeah. Like push things off tables. Like funny. Karen was Fsehole. Oh. Was Karen an arsehole? Oh, yeah. Like, push things off tables. Like, funny. Karen was Fletch.

Oh, right. Soulmates. I'm an arsehole. But when a parent has a bad child, they're like, I just don't know where. I don't know where I went wrong. I don't know what's happening. My kid's just, like, running around. I've never told their kid not to once.

I don't know where we've gone wrong. Horn thinks you can somehow tell British short-haired cats what to do and teach them, but you just can't. Spray, spray, spray. No, you can't. Because my cat likes water. He loves it. Oh, he's like, what?

James says, can't clone personality. Wouldn't be the same pet. New pet, new special memories. Yeah. Yeah, there you go. That's well put, James. Ashley said, what is wrong with 59% of respondents? I literally cried when I had to neuter my dog

as I wanted to mini him so badly. But it was a big black sheppy. German shepherd? Yeah. Is that what that means? With balls and couldn't make friends because of it. Yeah, they get a bit. You've got to cut the balls off.

Take the balls. You've got to cut the balls off. What did they do with the balls? The balls. Well, when our pigs had their balls removed, the chickens ate them. Oh, yeah. Yeah, the vet was like cutting them off. Oh, you've given us those eggs.

We've eaten your pig ball chicken eggs. Pig ball chicken eggs. Yeah. Yeah. Great omelettes, though. I thought it had a hint of bacon. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I thought it had a hint.

I know. Yeah. Preseasoned. Danielle says, I've priced it. I have priced this. Oh, wow. $35,000. I would totally pay it and I know of at least three people who would want a clone of

my dog. But they can't guarantee exactly the same personality or temperament. If I could even get a 99% match I would do it tomorrow. It would be like identical twins, right? That's what you're getting. It's the same DNA but the personality is often different. But imagine looking at that dog.

It looks exactly like the dog that you loved, and it's an arsehole. It's way different. That would be the worst thing. Just terrible. And do you give it a new name? Oh, yeah. If I cloned Rolly, and then we got Rolly, do you call it Rolly 2.0? Rolly 2.

Rolly 2. I know, it's weird. Rolly the second. Oh, yeah, I like Rolly too. I know, it's weird. Rolly the second. Oh yeah, I like Rolly the second. Sarah says, what else will I do? He must live forever. So she's pro-cloning.

They don't though, do they? Hunter said, if he had the same personality, I'd do anything for my boy to be with me for the rest of my life. But not if you get an asshole dog that looks like your sweetheart.

Sheesh, that'd be heartbreaking. That's the thing. But the thing is, it's not your dog. It's not your dog. It's genetically similar. It's like if you were married to an identical twin. Like you said, it's identical. You're married to an identical twin, your one dies, and you're like,

well, I'll just have the other one. They look the same. It's a different being. Do identical twins have the same size? Or you tell us nipples i don't know you got your twin wings don't you won't wait nice yeah this is outrageous you should see this guy's military bag this is an outrageous claim honestly you will on the end we salute him would it be the same walking in the anzac parade and they're like

he's young to be wearing the middle, so those are your granddads. No, no, no, no. This is when I slept with some twins. Wait, would it be the same with female identical twins? Would they have the same nuances of labia and whatnot? You recorded the first episode of Sex, Not Life yesterday. This could be episode eight in the series. I'm just saying.

I would love to know. Do you have the same bits and bobs? Well, anyway. God, that's a side question. Great question. I think you're best just to give it a bit after your pet dies. And if you're ready for a new pet, get a new one. And make new memories and fall in love with a new animal.

Chris messaged in saying you can't clone a clone, you can only do it once. Oh, so you're just prolonging the inevitable. That soon that pet will go. Could you not keep the original? Because you want, you extract the DNA but you can only do that once.

Why couldn't you clone a clone? Could you do two at the same time? What, and keep them on ice? Somebody said, I absolutely love my dog, but unless the clone wouldn't have all of her allergies and issues, I just, yeah. Some people get done dogs, eh? Yeah, I'll enjoy her while she's here.

My friend's dog, Shitpoo, has IBS, and she's got to wipe its bleeding bum and stuff. You're like, oh, I'm out. I blame the Shih Tzu part. That's a stupid dog. Yeah. Poodles are a little bit dumb, but shih tzus,

I mean, that's a dud mix. Aww, poor Charlie. A lovely email from the mayor of the Thames Coromandel District. What's their name? Len. Len. Great, must be a mayoral name, Len. Len.

We've had Len Brown quite famously in Auckland. Okay, and who else? Leonardo, he's the mayor of the Ninja Turtles. Yeah. Leonardo da Vinci. Len Lye is the mayor of New Plymouth. Of art the Ninja Turtles. Yeah. Leonardo, right. Len Lye. Leonardo da Vinci. Len Lye's the mayor of New Plymouth. Of art stuff. Of art.

Yeah. Okay. The New Plymouth art mayor. All right, take it back then. A lot of Len. Glenda. She's also a mayor. Yeah.

But then she's got Len in it. Yep. Okay. Is she? What is she a mayor of? Guess we told you. You've been shown. The door.

I think this email will go down in New Zealand history. Yeah, it's a good one. It's an official response too because it's come from the office of the mayor, but he also said, my official response. Okay. This was somebody emailed in, one of those ... What happened to Winge?

... ... ... ... ...... What? A sovereign citizen. A sovereign citizen. I don't need a driver's license. I'm a sovereign citizen. Asking. Wait, does that work when you get pulled over for speeding? Nah. Am I a sovereign citizen?

You just keep screaming it at them and you video yourself and you put it online and the other ones are like, well done. And everyone else is like, what a dick. Yeah. So this email was sent back in July, but officially released by the person who got sent it. After that, held on to it for a little while. Apparently he had emailed the mayor asking for the personal

and private information about council staff that he wanted their names and addresses as is his right. Oh my God. That's the sort of person we're dealing with. Yeah. The email reads, my official response as the mayor of Thames-Coromandel District Council to your request

for personal details to staff names and addresses is this, go F yourself, but he wrote the full word, kind regards, Len. Jeepers. Love that.

Go F yourself. Yeah. It's funny. It's great. It's tongue in cheek. It's a nice little reply. I love it. To the point.

I mean, there's no what did he mean there, is there? No. You know when sometimes you'll read something and you'll be like, I don't quite understand what that means. You're trying to decipher it. Yeah. You're trying to decipher all this political blabble. Blabble, blabble, blabble, blabble, blabble.

No reading between the lines there. Nah. Has Len faced any consequences? No, everybody's just like, get on your mat. Because it kind of was just come out the last, what, two days? Yeah. Overnight? Yeah.

And yeah, most people are just like, great, great New Zealander. I might give this a go. Because Karwin emailed us saying that we've got a meeting today. I was too polite. I said it doesn't really suit me. And she said tough. But I should have said go at yourself. Shall we send a group email? I'll say on behalf of. I think that doesn't really suit me, and she said tough, but I should have said go F themselves. Shall we send a group email?

I'll say on behalf of. I think that's what they call evidence in HR. Right. When you do that. Nah, HR will love this. But what if I told HR as well to go F themselves? Oh, yeah, okay. You're right.

Ding, ding, ding. Ding, ding, ding. KO. Technical knockout. Who's going to deal with it if you've already told them to go F themselves? Yeah. Play. ZDM's Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley.

Blah, blah, blah. Blah, blah, blah, blah. This is the Top Six. Got mic issues. A total school has been given the thumbs up to use AI for their school reports. School reports must take ages. Oh yeah.

A lot of kids. Anything that's going to make the teacher's job easier. Also, ours were always handwritten. Handwritten. Like we wrote our own,

you know how you do your own report, your own reflection? No. Oh, we did that in primary school. You had to hand write your own,

and high school actually, had to hand write your own reports. That's some happy bullshit, eh? Yeah. Yeah. Lazy. Lazy teachers. And then some happy bullshit, eh? Yeah. Yeah. Lazy. Lazy teachers.

And then the teachers would write one as well. And they'd go together and the parents would receive them. So your reflection of the year and then the actual reflection of the year. Which could be vastly different. Yeah. Yeah. This is what I did this year. Did you have to set goals at the start of the year

and then reflect upon them at the end of the year? Yeah. Were your goals for next year? That's what put me off goals. Never achieved them. You're not a big fan, are you? Not a big fan of goals. So I've been on Chat AI, which is like a chat GPT thing.

Yeah. But it's an app on my phone that I already had. So rather than sell my soul and possible give backdoor entry to all of my details on my phone to another chat GPT, I just stick with the one I've already got. You're safe. No backdoor entry there. It's like being in prison and just having one lover.

Rather than being passed around. I've started up to the big boy and I've said I have all my info. So I've got the top six things your AI report will say about you. Number six on the list. I said, hey AI

tell me how to soften the blow that a kid has mucked around all year and will fail about you. Number six on the list. I said, hey AI, tell me how to soften the blow that a kid has mucked around all year and will fail this year. AI said, short but sweet, we regret to inform you that despite our collective efforts here at school, your child has failed to meet requirements for graduations. Shit, so that's just like, you're not graduating. How good is that? Despite our collective

efforts. Like, that's saying to this parent, we have all tried. Have you? Yeah. You made it, dumb kid. Number five on the list of the top six things your AI report will say about you. I said, hey, AI, tell me how to say

that their child can't sing and I want them to stop being part of theatre groups. Oh my God. AI said, despite consistent efforts and support through the year, we have observed limited improvement in their vocal abilities. We understand this may be discouraging,

but it's important to explore alternative options, such as focusing on other areas of their interest and strength. That is so good. Isn't it? That's so good and being like, this isn't for you, but hey,

you've got other strengths. It's very formal still, isn't it? Like you can tell AI has written that. Yeah. I don't know. I think teachers have to be very formal. Miss Jo hasn't written this. No.

Number four on the list, I said, hey, AI, for what your AI report will say to you, I said, AI, your child is the class clown and we want it to stop. AI said, we need to address your child's disruptive behavior in class. It is significantly impacting the learning environment for all and if it persists, there may be potential consequences including expulsion. You were just reading my report. Like the impacting

others around her. That was the key message in most of mine. She's a bit much. Let's work together to find effective solutions and create a more productive atmosphere for all students. Expulsion in there though. Yeah.

AI is not mucking around. I just want to be funny. Number three on the list of the top six things your AI report will say about you. I said AI, their child simply has too many sick days. AI says. There was always that kid at school that was always having a sick day. AI says, after careful examination

we found evidence suggesting that some sick days claimed by your child may not have been genuine. Attendance is vital for a successful academic experience

and it is important to ensure consistency. Let us collaborate to address this concern effectively and support your child in developing healthy habits for attendance while maintaining

their overall well-being. Interesting. Very formal. AI just doesn't mess aroundbeing. Interesting. Very formal. AI just doesn't mess around, does it? Very formal. Number two on the list of the top six things your AI report will say. I said AI.

Their child is very smart, very clever, but is a smug asshole that nobody likes. Oh, how are they going to translate smug asshole? AI writes, we wanted to discuss your child's progress in social interactions. While they demonstrate exceptional intelligence and cleverness, we've noticed that they face challenges in their social skills Some students find them to be arrogant Oh, just straight to arrogant Straight to arrogant Which can result in difficulties forming positive relationships within the class

We believe that by focusing on developing empathy Active listening and fostering teamwork We can help your child establish healthier dynamics And improve their overall social well-being Jeez Pretty good It's well written but as a parent and fostering teamwork who can help your child establish healthier dynamics and improve their overall social well-being. Jeez. Pretty good. It's well written,

but as a parent, and I'll speak on behalf of parents, I do have a secret chart. I've never told you. It's harsh, isn't it? Yeah. No, I'm just more like, but you didn't write this.

So why should I read it and believe it? You didn't write this. Because the parents will know that this school has been approved. It was the same with our ones. It was the same comments all the time. And parents just knew that it was falling into a line. A category.

You were falling into a column. Yeah. Of, yeah, that's great. Or it's enough. Or barely. Or not good. Yeah. Or terrible.

True. And this is just. Just slashing that up. Structuring it. Yeah. AI, number one on the list of the top six things AI reports will say about you We need to address The unhealthy lunchbox issues

I said This is a primary school one Yeah AI says It's crucial that we discuss The concerns Regarding your child's lunches At school

The contents of their meals Have been negatively affecting Their health And unfortunately Has also resulted in Teasing about their body AI said that Oh my god AI fat shamed a kid We deeply care about Their wellbeing and unfortunately has also resulted in teasing about their body. I see that. Oh, my God.

We deeply care about their well-being and want to ensure their physical and emotional health are protected. It is vital that we work together to implement substantial changes to their lunches, focusing on providing nutritious options that support their growth and positive self-image. Let's collaborate to create a safe and healthy environment for your child. Translate, your kid fat. Yeah, and stop fanning up your child. Oh.

Yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum. That is a nice episode. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley. There is a fantastic woman. Her name is Jemima Packington. So close to Jemima Puddle Duck. When you say that, when you're Jemima Puddle Duck, I was like, duck?

Puddle Duck? Puddle Duck? Her name is Jemima Packington, and boy, is she a delight. She lives in the UK, and she is well known. She's been on TV shows, live shows, radio, and now she's here in New Zealand. Well, she's not here in New Zealand. I'm talking about her.

Yeah. And she has a very special skill, which is she can predict things in the future with amazing accuracy using only a bunch of asparagus. Now what she does, she gets a nice fresh bunch of asparagus, beautiful vegetable. Well, there's the smelly wheeze thing. No, but I love it on a barbecue, bit of lemon, salt and pepper.

Oh my God, it's so nice. Garlic, butter, salt and pepper, that's oh my god it's so nice garlic butter salt and pepper that's all you need on your asparagus I'd squeeze a lemon no that's wild I'd squeeze a lemon what do you don't need to

to cut through the butter why are you cutting through butter it's not fish just to balance it out don't you know cut through butter let butter be the champion I cook asparagus

very similar to the way I cook fish just hop it on butter it salt and pepper give it a squeeze and leave it. Trust me! Take it down to the fish and chip shop and say, can you dip this in batter and deep fry it for me? Oh man, this is

asparagus. I said do it. Do it. So Jemima Packington, she gets a bunch of asparagus and she throws it into the air and it lands upon her magical table and she uses her incredible abilities to predict the future by analysing the way they have fallen.

Now this seems... It was like pick up sticks, isn't it? Yeah. But pick up asparagus. Yeah. Now she thinks that she's, it comes to her and the only way she can see it is through the asparagus. So she says the patterns, it's instantaneous

that she can read what it means. Right. Now, she predicted the death of the Queen before it happened. How would she have known? How would she have known? Anyone with an old person in their life knows they're about to die. How would she have known that? She said, occasionally I get it slightly off, but

I'm never far. I predicted Boris Johnson would become Prime Minister before he did, and everyone laughed their socks off. Now, she has released... I need a list of things she hasn't got right though. A couple of incorrect predictions.

Last year, Jemima claimed that the Lionesses, England's soccer team, would win the Women's World Cup. They didn't have it. They didn't. No.

She calls herself the Esperomancer. Okay, I quite like the name. Even though a necromancer famously raises those from the dead, they deal with the dead, don't they? They don't deal with the predictions. Asperomancer's funny. Okay, she is

she's released her 2024 predictions. Okay. I will say they're like UK skewed because that's where she lives, but here they are. Should we put something in the calendar for like the last show of the year? Just a reminder to check in with Jemima Paddington.

Paddington. Paddington. Paddington. And then we can see how well she did, this asparagus clairvoyant. Here are her asparagus predictions. There will be a big regime change throughout the world on a huge scale. I mean, billions of the world are voting in elections this year.

Members of the royal family will get divorced. And what royal family specifically? The British one? Because then if any royal family has a divorce, you're like, told you. Yeah, I'm going to say, I will hold it to the British. People will become sick of celebrity antics and culture. That's already happening.

Great Britain won't do very well at the 2024 Olympics. Suck it. The events in the Middle East will reach a breaking point. I think they have. I think they have. There will be a death among world leaders, and the United States will get their first female president. I don't even know if there's a female in the running.

Well, she's Nikki Haley. Nikki Haley is. Well, then that's our president. Or if Biden drops dead, Kamala Harris would be the Prime Minister. True, that would be a Twitter. A death among world leaders and the United States gets their food. Biden's on death's door. He's out. She's out. So is Trump.

Public figures will be revealed to have profited from illegal activities. That just is a given any year that happens. A bunch of rich television personalities will lose their jobs. Restructuring. Yeah. And finally, influencers will lose all their influence as people realise it's the real world they live in that matters.

Matters. These are her asparagus predictions. Okay, well, let's check back in at the end of the year and see how well she did. Yeah, and she also says, in case you're wondering, when she's done making her predictions, she pops them in the microwave for five minutes, covers them in butter and eats them.

No sign of a squeeze. She microwaves asparagus. You don't microwave asparagus. No sign of a squeeze lemon. She microwaves asparagus. That's what, you don't microwave asparagus. Put it on a hot pan. Yeah, you gotta sear that. She's saying microwave five minutes, cover in butter and eat. Delicious.

Well, at least she's letting the butter. Yeah, she's letting the butter be the star here. She's not cutting it through with some squeezed lemon. No, I know. Play ZM's Fletch Vodden A. I'm definitely a dopamine addict. I love the rush of quick goodness. Would you say every human is a dopamine addict?

Some more than others. I mean, people with ADHD, that's one of the, like a big part of it is like quick, good dopamine hits. But we all get the dopamine hits from doing things we love and picking up our phone. Yep. Picking up your phone. Alcohol does it. Sex does it. Exercise does it. Walking along water with a banana does it. I don't know.

Walking along water with a banana. Yeah, well, isn't that the fix for all sort of melancholy? Maybe. Or malaise. Drugs do dopamine? Yep. That's what cocaine is. Oh, cheese. Because do you remember They were like

Cheese Cheese and studies Gave the same hit As like Cocaine or something Yeah Which I can get behind Because I do love my

You guys want to line an EDM Love my camembert You love your camembert I thought you were about to say You loved cocaine I thought that was a wild Wild picture No

Halloumi Camembert I'd take halloumi any day Yeah yeah it's delicious. Oh, yum. And nicotine, ciggies.

Yep, ciggies. they do. Amphetamines, I googled it. Does the vape give you a dopamine hit? Yeah, that's nicotine.

That's nicotine, if you've got a nicotine vape. because there'd be nicotine in there. Yeah. Okay. Oh yeah, dopamine rules. Anyway, so there is a woman,

she has ADHD, and that means like when she's doing tasks or like trying to just live life that's not just about having fun she gets low in dopamine and with her ADHD she needs to like service it quickly so she can keep going so she

has created a dopamine menu consisting of appetizers, entrees appetizers, entrees mains? no she's got entrees, appetizers, entrees. Appetizers, entrees. Mains? No. She's got entrees, appetizers, sides, and dessert. I think the main is what you're doing for your life, right? And then you're like peppering these little things.

Oh, no, I'd chuck a main in there. Yeah. And then so she works it out. So she goes like your appetizer would be a little small hit and then maybe your entree would be a slightly bigger hit. Your side, bigger again, and then your your entree would be a slightly bigger hit your side bigger again and then your dessert's a big one. Okay. So for example, some of

hers, she has put swimming, like a form of exercise would be a side or going for a walk as an appetiser or a little fresh fruit as an appetiser or getting up and dancing for 10 minutes as an appetizer or a little fresh fruit is an appetizer or getting up and dancing

for 10 minutes is an appetizer but then a dessert would be like I'm going to give myself an hour on Netflix okay a little blob

or like you say like pick up and do a mindless scroll and do that for 30 minutes these are I'd say her she's the sort of one that's got people

talking about this but hers is a bit boring have a man do you know what I mean have a fiddle with yourself that's a man talking about this, but hers is a bit boring. Have a man. Do you know what I mean? Have a fiddle with yourself. That's a main. Is that one? Big dopamine hit.

A bit of an O. Okay. Give yourself a bit of a fiddle. Okay. That would be on my mains. Yeah. My, I'll chuck a durry in there. Hayley Sproul.

I'll just go and have a little durry, get a little hit. Glass of wine, that's got to be in there. Yeah, but see, things like your durry and your glass of wine, there's also a negative side to those dopamine hits. List them. Like they're not already proven. List them. Okay, doctor.

It's not the fact that there are negatives. It's just that on the scales of life, what weighs more, the positives or the negatives? Yeah, totally. No, I'm not putting a durry in there. I would go like a chocolate, a little choccy. Yeah. That would be a nice little dopamine hit.

But the idea of it is all quite cool, isn't it? That you just need a little pick-me-up. If you are someone who needs these little pick-me-ups, little dopamine hits, and you can feel it depleting. Like I feel it sometimes and I'm like, ugh. For me, like a social interaction would be a dopamine hit. I had that definitely in the last week of the holidays. I'm not saying I didn't enjoy my holiday,

but Aaron was like, you've got to relax. I sat on the couch and I was like, I hate this. I'm feeling very stuck. So people have been making their own dopamine hits. Velvet beans. Velvet beans. Ever heard of them? No. Velvet beans contain high levels of them? No. What's that?

Velvet beans contain high levels of L-dopa, the precursor molecule to dopamine. However, they can be toxic in high amounts, so don't just go gorging on velvet beans. Where do you get velvet beans from? I've never even heard of velvet beans. So there's another woman shared hers, and 10 minutes of a word game is in her appetizers.

A pat with a cat. Oh, yeah. If you're just like, I'm feeling a bit low, call your cat, give them a pat, that's your appetiser. On her main, she's going to go and pick up the phone and talk with a friend for 10 minutes. On her side, she's going to listen to a podcast. And for Pud, she's scrolling on her phone.

This is great. I'm going to make a dopamine menu, but mine's a little bit naughtier. Yeah. Having to fiddle in the shower with a glass of wine in the dark. That's your appetiser. Fiddle in the lounge, main course. Fiddle in bed, Pud. Play it. ZM's Fletch Vaughan and Hayley.

Play ZM. How did this pop up? Oh, I was getting my hair done with beautiful Shari, my friend and hairdresser. And we were just jamming about 2024, making some goals and some intentions. And I was talking about the fact that I, oh yeah, I want to learn drums this year. Remember I talked about it last year, I wanted to get

a drum kit. Is this who you made your vision board with? Yes. You're like, was it a goals vision board? Yes. Right, okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We made vision boards, but my printer ran out of ink, so I couldn't print off a drum kit.

You always print off everything at work. Yeah, I know, but it was during the holidays. Oh, yeah, okay. Come on. You can drive in from West, print something, and then drive back out. Swipe in and then full colour printing. Hi, everybody.

Just painting off six pages of Visions. Yeah, true, I should have done that. Anyway, I had to draw the drums. Anyway, we were talking about this, and then I was talking about the fact that this year I'm making a new show. I made Alments last year. I'm making a new comedy show, and I want it to be, like, really great. And, you know, I write songs.

And I was talking about how much the piano really holds me back because you're stuck behind it, you know, like you can't do much. And she was like, well, why are you wanting to learn drums? It's stupid. Like, are you still stuck, well, why are you wanting to learn drums? It's stupid. Like you're still stuck behind the drums or you're stuck behind the keys. And I was like, look, I've tried to learn guitar and I regret not learning it as a kid. And if you've got a kid, make them learn guitar, not a piano. No, they're too big.

This is a kid that got made to learn guitar. Yeah. Cannot do anything on a guitar. Also, don't make your kids learn an instrument. How loud and noisy is that? No, no, no. Make them learn an instrument. And they'll be like, I'm going to be a musician. is that? No, no, no. Make them learn an instrument. And they'll be like, I'm going to be a musician.

And you're like, oh, no. No, it's so great for my parents. They literally forced me to do it. Yeah. It's good. And then you've just got the skill for life and it's fun. Anyway, I was like, the piano, the drums, it's not working. I was like, but I've always wanted to be,

because, you know, I want to be like hot goth, a hot goth rock chick. I've always wanted to be like a shredder or a shred. Okay. And then Shari was just like, out of nowhere, why don't you get a keytar? A keytar? Like with the... Frankie Goes to Hollywood. Yeah. Relax.

Don't do it. Very 80s. Yes, I'm for it. It's a keyboard. So it's a keyboard with a guitar. No, it's like a guitar shape, but instead of strings you've got a sort of 33-ish key. So it's just a piano. But I've always wondered with the guitar,

if you're right-handed, what does the left hand do? So I've been learning about it. I got inspired and I was like, I'd look cool with a guitar. Because then you can be walking around the stage. Then you can move around and you can still be jamming. And the modern ones now, you could put a button and back stuff would play and then you could jam on top and all that kind of stuff. And I was like,

you can even put electric guitar sounds into your keytar and you can shred. But doing fingers that I already know. Yeah, but what does the left hand do? So the left hand is controlling on the neck different functions. So there's like pads and stuff. So say I was playing a note, then I

could move this finger and we've got like, like do a little wobble. Or you could do a pitch like, that kind of stuff on this. And then your left hand is- It's a whole new instrument. Functioning, like doing different sounds and stuff. Well, this hand's-

Could you do a fart noise on one of the buttons? Absolutely. Can I put a fart noise in? I'm making a comedy show. Yes, comedy. There you go. Yeah. Change the pitch a bit.

Yeah. All sorts. Now, producer Jared has messaged a group chat saying, one of my Dungeons and Dragons friends plays keytar and he looks really cool doing it. You should read that sentence back to yourself. Damn it, man. I just totally lost my boner for the keytar.

Oh, I had the solution and you ruined it, Jared. Gotcha. Sorry. Yeah, when he's out busking, it looks really awesome. Wait, wait, wait. Where's he busking? He did it in Whangaparoa Plaza back in the day. He's white, isn't he?

He is. Yeah, safest year. Bugger. Whangaparoa, keytar, D&D. Yeah, it's all aligning, isn't it? I've got to try to make the keytar look hot though because I'm drawn to it because of its functionality.

Right. And it's a skill I have, right? The fingering of it is the skill I have, very much have it. Yeah. And I like being able to move around with it.

I'm free now. It would be better for comedy on stage. And it's also inherently funny. Yes. Yeah. Do you know what I mean stage. And it's also inherently funny. Yes. Do you know what I mean? Visually, you've already got them. When you pick up the keytar, people are like, this could be average, but the presentation.

And I'll still have my big piano there for some things, but imagine I'm playing the piano, and then I hit something, and then I'm like, solo, baby, and I pick up the keytar, and I'm out jamming. Yes. Wait a minute. This is my next question. How much does a keytar cost?

I can't imagine they're cheap. Well, here's the thing. I have, I've got an upright piano, but I've got two electric pianos. One that's all like synthy and noises and one that's like a more of a piano replica. They're both Korgs. So I'd kind of go within the same brand

because you can connect them. I kind of know how they work. I listen to a podcast about Korg. It's my favorite. It's a brand, isn't it? That's the maker. Synth Battles. Yeah. So they're my favorite brand.

So I looked and there's not that many. This will shock you. Because they're a relic, right, from the 80s and 90s? Totally. Super 80s. Right. So the one Korg that you can really get in New Zealand, the other ones like cheaper, not great reviews and stuff,

which is not a cork. The cork is $1,200. $1,200. Could you, just an idea, could you set up your other piano at the Whangaparoa Plaza and busk and make money for $1,200? Yeah. Or Aaron's suggestion was,

so on a cork you'd have 33, so it'd be like that big, right? Like a couple of rulers big. Yeah. Whereas my one's a full 88 note thing, so it's really wide. Aaron was like, could you just whack a strap on it? On the big one, so that you're playing the big one, and you stand up and it's on a strap.

No, that would do you back. Anyway, so this is my new vision, is I need to save for a keytar. Are we on board with the keytar? I'm on board because it's comically funny. Comically looks hilarious. Comically it's going to be really funny. I'm looking up. And I don't have to learn a new instrument.

I'm looking up famous musicians that have played the keytar. Okay, hit us. Damon Albarn of Blur and the Gorillas. Yes. He plays the keytar. Matthew Bellamy of Muse. Cool. Muse is massive. Arcade Fire's in there. Yes. He plays the keytar. Matthew Bellamy of Muse. Cool.

Muse is massive. Arcade Fire's in there. Yes. Prince. Okay. I'm sold on the keytar. Bye now. Does this mean if we do more Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley live shows as well, the keytar will have to be there?

I'll rock out. Have to be there. With the keytar. I love this. I love this. Okay, I'm so glad you're on board. Play. ZDM's Fletch, Vaughn and on board. Well, it's early on in the year,

and so far so good for me personally. Where are you guys at? Yeah, good. So far so good. Vaughn? I was going to say it was perfect, but that's ruined everything. It's much of a muchness.

All right. Much of a muchness. It's the same, isn't it? It's the same. Just because the All right. Much of a muchness. Time will tell. It's the same, isn't it? It's the same. Just because the last number on a set of four numbers representing time passing has changed. Nothing changes day to day. No, it's a new feeling every year.

Oh, that was a little burp. I apologise. So with it being the new year, we're always on the internet every day looking for things to talk to you lovely people about. And there's lots of articles about what's hot in 2024, what's not in 2024, what's out of fashion. Stanley cups.

No, they're hot. So in America, people are queuing up for those. Isn't Stanley the tool brand? Yeah, but I'm more of a Yeti. I've got a Stanley mask. I've got a Yeti. Oh, do you? Yeah, yeah. My lunch army bought it for me for my 30th birthday. It's really brand? Yeah, but I'm more of a Yeti. I've got a Stanley Flask. I've got a Yeti. Oh, do you? Yeah, yeah.

My lunch army bought it for me for my 30th birthday. It's really nice. Yeah, right. It's nice. I've got a Thermos. I know Thermos is the brand, isn't it? If you're beaching this summer and you're having a few drinkies, you've got to get one of those Thermi cups.

Yeah, they're good. You can get the wine ones. You can get the ones that hold your beers or your cans. I've got the wine bottle that holds the bottle. They're so good. I've got a Husky one of those. Yeah, Hus're good. You can get the wine ones, you can get the ones that hold your beers or your cans. I've got the wine bottle that holds the bottle. I've got a Husky one of those. Yeah, Husky. Is that the same sort of vibe? Yeah, the same vibe. Is that a Kiwi brand, is it? Yeah, I believe so.

I don't want to call myself a national hero for supporting local, but here I am. Here you are. Praise me. I've read a few articles recently about what's out. What's out of fashion for 2024? One of them was the clean girl aesthetic made very popular by Sophia Ritchie. There you go. I'm relevant.

You see that? See how relevant I am? It's all about like the slick pony and like minimal makeup and like simple, like color, like easy, you know, keep it clean. That's out. And now we're going for mob wife. Oh, mob. What does that look like? Mob wife aesthetic. Yep. keep it clean that's out and now we're going for mob wife now I announced yesterday

mob wife aesthetic I announced yesterday that I'm wearing almost a Cheryl West esque leopard print number to one of the weddings we're going to

over the next couple of weeks that's mob wife yeah and like heavier makeup dirtier makeup blurry black eyes big hair big hair

shoulder pads tons of jewellery shoulder pads Adriana off Sopranos there you got it Blurry black eyes. Big hair? Big hair. Shoulder pads? Tons of jewellery. Shoulder pads. So almost like a Sopranos. There you got it. We're talking glitter. We're talking full on. It's like a 90s.

Yeah. Early 2000s? But that kind of like rich, like the girls are like, we're not doing clean girl aesthetic white t-shirt, beige pants. We're doing like vintage faux fur. Right. You know, we're loving that. I also have an article in front of me

from our beautiful NZ Herald here, my new source of choice. This year's going to be the year that facial fillers are out. Good. What do facial fillers do? Lip fillers. Fill out your cheeks. You know, like when people... So they don't just fill in wrinkles,

they just make things bigger. You can get like cheekbones. If you're like me and you don't have very defined cheekbones, you could like get them... You've got great cheekbones. There he goes. God, you're good.

He knows. God. I'm good, eh? Fish and core. So like, you know, you could add that, add a bit of... I'm glad that lip fillers are out

because nobody that gets lip fillers knows how ridiculous they look. Oh my God. No one. I literally watched the first episode of Love Island All Stars yesterday. There was a woman who looks like you'd just be like, and they go. I was like, holy shit. Yeah, what's the PSI on that 36?

Take it down to the petrol station, plug it into that thing, and it's like. Ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding. Anyway, I thought reading these articles, they often come from, you know, the industry that they're about. I want to know from our listeners, for you, what's out of fashion for 2024 yeah what are you done with what are you done with what are you over what's not cool for you anymore what are you leaving behind in 2024 what's out of fashion i'm hoping it's hipster jeans oh yeah which ones are hips you mean you mean low rise yeah low rise jeans never stick around for long. Yeah.

Because only 5% of the population can pull them off. If your muff's hanging out, that's a load. No, no, no. I mean the muff top. No, muff in the top. Yeah, not the actual muff. To be honest, I like that we're going back to the 90s and calling a vagina a muff.

A muff. Oh, no. Okay, 0800-DARLS-IT-IN. Give us a call now and text through 9696. What have you decided is out for 2024? We are talking to you about what you think is out of fashion for 2024. What are you leaving behind? What is out, baby?

Because at the moment, being the new year, there's lots of articles and, you know, whatnot about what's in fashion, what's out. Yeah, the trends. Lip fillers are out. What's the other thing? The's in fashion, what's out. Yeah, the trends. Lip fillers are out. What's the other thing? The clean girl aesthetic, that's out. Zara, what are you leaving behind in 2023? Extra pants.

What? Extra pants. What pants? Like your yoga pants. Oh, whoa, whoa, whoa. Let's not be hasty. Your phone just cut out at the yoga bit. Yeah, and it sounded like you were just saying pants.

And I was like, oh, that's bold. You go, girl. So you're leaving yoga pants in 2023? Yeah, yeah. Like, I'm the most unfit and exercised person ever. And yeah, I'm leaving them in 2023. And so what are you wearing in 2024 rather than yoga pants? Jeans.

Oh, you're just. I kind of get it because you get into a habit, don't you, of wearing your active wear as human wear and then you're like, when did I become this constant slob?

Yep, yep, pretty much. But that's kind of been everyone in their active wear. Do you think this is a big trend? No, Zara's calling it. Zara's saying, get out of your active wear.

No, I'm not giving a slob in your active wear. It's keeping it tight, keeping it in. Well, we know what you don't want yoga pants left behind. Oh, no. Oh, guys. I just got these glasses. I'm going to appreciate your fine ass in HD.

Don't do this to me now. Zara, thank you. Some messages in. I like that, though. Zara's wearing jeans. 100% agree with this, and it's a debate I've had with my wife over summer. Straightening your hair. Oh yeah, no. Leave it. Leave it.

That curl, the beach, the wave. The natural wave. Oh, I forget because I say that's out but I've got straight hair. Yeah. Sharts has a bit of wave. She's got beautiful curly hair at the beach and she got sat down by my father and told not to straighten her hair. He's like, look at these beautiful curls. People pay hundreds for these and you're going to straighten them out every day? How redonkulous. No, we're not straightening her hair. He's like, look at these beautiful curls. People pay hundreds for these.

I know. And you're going to straighten them out every day? How redonkulous. No, we're not straightening her hair. No. We're letting it be gay. Let it curl. Keep your text coming in.

Nine. We are asking, what is out? According to you for 2024. It's the year we're leaving stuff in 2023. What is officially out? Like face fillers and clean girl aesthetic. And I'm going to say health. Health is out.

Health is out. Yeah. I'm leaning hard into being unhealthy. Right. I thought that was the opposite of what you're trying to start the year as. You are. You speak in jest. You're trying harder than you do.

I am trying hard. Thank you so much. Do you know when I close my rings, Vaughn often sends me a message being like, you go girl. Oh, that's nice. Yeah, it's really lovely. Maybe I'll turn on notifications and I can trying hard. Thank you so much. Do you know when I close my rings, Vaughn often sends me a message being like, you go girl. Oh, that's nice. Yeah, it's really lovely. Maybe I'll turn on notifications and I can weigh in as well.

Yeah, words of encouragement. I can, yeah, encourage you. Yeah. No, but you're terrible. You'll be like, don't do that. Come have a wine. I'll be like, ah. Yeah, he shut his rings.

He's like, well, now I don't want anyone else to do as well as me. Yeah. So we're talking about what's being left behind. Wasting money on regular gel nails and extensions. Right? Yeah. Getting it out? I stand to applaud.

I'm getting my nails done today. Our account is paying a lot for that I get nothing from. What do you mean? I don't even get anything from. She's always got lovely nails. I couldn't give a damn. I'd like to see some dirt under the nails. Yeah, I know you would.

I know you would. I literally looked at your wife's toes the other day and was like, good feet shots. Oh, she's got lovely feet. We were actually thinking of studying a foot for our OnlyFans. Oh, my God. Me and Erin have been discussing this too. For just feet.

Well, she's been looking at jobs and she's like, these are all hard and they don't pay enough. I was like. She's got a good set of tootsies. She's got great tootsies. Okay. Yeah. Really just well kept, dainty,

lovely foot. Feet. And the other OnlyFans options we had was... Yeah. Too involved. Too involved. Very close up. Some other messages in. Somebody said, what about the mullets? Can we leave those behind?

They came back in a big way. They really did. Hard. Kids with mullets. And despite the fact that your child might be top of the class, a real nice kid, it just makes them look like a rat bag. Yeah, it does. A ram-raiding rat bag. I had a rat's tail.

That was pretty cool. In the 80s. Or early 90s. Yeah, 90s. Did you break it? But you also looked like a rat bag It was just flowing loose You looked like a kid

That would have had a slingshot In his back pocket And a bag of marbles This is rich coming from you Vaughn I've seen both of your Like school childhood photos You both look like little shits Oh yeah we were

My mother wouldn't let me Have a rat cellar or a mullet I always had a number 4 With a fringe Your smile Had the face of like I'm a little rat I also had a slingshot.

Someone said, what about the massive baggy jean look? Yeah, go. That sounds like someone who was there first time around, though, and doesn't like seeing it come back. Yeah, that's hard. I'm leaving skinny jeans in 2023. Not because they're hideous, but because I'm now 30 and I want to wear something more comfortable.

I hate to say it, Hon, but they went out of fashion already last year. Yeah. It's been going on a out of fashion already last year. Yeah. Apparently. It's been going on a couple of years. They have. Someone said, I'm leaving heels behind. And that's a big deal because I work in HR. Okay.

And the H stands for heels. Heels resources. Yeah, yeah. Heels resources. I've just had a big drink bottles out this year. Because you're carrying around a big drink bottle that you never finish. You should just have a smaller one that you top up more regularly. Because I just bought a drink bottle and I got a

$7.50. Good. Because you have a liter and I think yours is $2.00. I inherited this because my daughter got a Frank Green for Christmas. Oh, yeah, right. You're going to hand me down. So I just grabbed her old drink bottle. It's dad duty, that is. Someone said keto, OMAD and all fad diets, they're out.

Yeah. EVs are out. Diesel tax is gone. Get around it. So environment and climate impact is out. Yeah, you know what else is gone? Ice caps. Yeah.

Do you know what's not fashionable anymore? Predictable weather. To play it cold. Yeah. Not having a 100-year weather event every six months. Yeah. Someone said Crocs are out and I couldn't agree more. No. They're just having this drive. No, they're not. Theyyear weather event every six months. Yeah. Someone said Crocs are out, and I couldn't agree more. No.

They're just hitting their stride. No, they're not. They're out. They're done. You know, board is converted and always will be now. I cleaned my Crocs over summer. Oh, you loser. They were white and they were dirty, so I was like,

we're going to mold them? No. I used that soap with, like, sand in it, that really, like, gritty working man soap. Sugar soap? No. That's got sugar in it. This has got grit. Oh, you did say sand? Yeah, I did say sand. Yeah. That really like gritty working man soap. Sugar soap. No. That's got sugar in it. This has got grit.

Oh, you did say sand. Yeah, I did say sand. Yeah. That's right. You're gaslighting me on what I'm saying. I am gaslighting you. Gaslighting's out for 2023. Or is it?

It's not. Is it? It's not. I never said that. You're crazy. Play ZN's Fletchford and Ailey. Play ZN. I can't find my invoice, but I did like a bit of an online shop, like grocery shop.

Okay. Are you so busy you couldn't get to the supermarket yourself in person? I'm just, you know, I'm just balls to the wall at the moment. So I did a normal shop and it was a smaller one than I would even usually do. What is the origin of that phrase? Balls to the wall. Look it up for me, Sue. I will.

You can carry on. Maybe we can end this. I think a guy was so busy once he got his balls stuck to the wall. That's my guess. He'd be a pastor, would he? Oh, gosh. Anyway, I was balls to the literal walls. And I did an online order and I was like, had recipes in mind.

So I went this, this, this. This, this, this, this. I can't wait. Tell me what it is. Balls to the wall, first attested in the 1960s in the context of aviation. And refers to the ball-shaped grips on an aircraft's engine controls. Typically throttle, prop pitch, and fuel mixture.

Those are the ones you see them push forward when they take off. Balls to the wall would be the engine at maximum power. Oh. It's the plain version of pedal to the metal. I see. Balls to the wall. Wow. Chank them right forward.

Let's go. Balls to the wall. We are learning. So I was quite wrong there. Well, I went testicles as well. Okay. I always thought it was testicles so you wouldn't say it in front of people, but now I'm just going to be saying balls to the wall.

Yeah. The whole time. Yeah, people say, oh, stop that. That's a bit garish. You'll be like people, but now I'm just going to be saying balls to the wall. Yeah, the whole time. Yeah, people say, like, oh, stop that. That's a bit garish. You'll be like, shut up. It's about planes. It's aviation, actually. Yeah.

You filthy trout. Trout. I don't know. I panic. I panic. I haven't heard somebody call it an old trout. I know. Far out.

That's funny. That paints such an image of that woman. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Cool as under a hair thing. Haggard. Anyway, so I was balls to as under a hair thing. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Haggard. Anyway, so I was balls to the wall and I made this online order

and I made recipes and I got this, that, a bag of this, da-da-da, three onions. Yeah, blah, blah, blah. Three brown onions. Oh, yeah. When the groceries turned up,

there was more than I expected. I was like, why is this so heavy? Pulled it out. I have received, rather than just three brown onions, three massive bags of onions. And I was like, holy moly.

And I was like, oh, it'll be fine. Onions take ages to, you know, sprout and whatnot. I'll just leave them. I'll get through them. I love an onion. I cannot, I'm not even halfway through one bag. And it's been weeks. And now I'm like, what do I do with these onions?

What were they like? A couple of kgs each, these bags. Yeah. They're huge big bags of brown onions. Pickle, pickle, pickle. Pickle them. No, but they're massive. You can't pickle them.

No, no, no. Like make pickles. Not pickle the onions. Oh, make pickles. Like a jar of delicious cocktails. Like slice them and pickle them. Yeah, yeah. Or make chutney.

I was like, I'll make a French onion soup. I was like, literally never made French onion. In summer. I've never eaten it really. Yeah, in summer it could pickle them. Chutney. I was like, I'll make a French onion soup. I was like, literally never made French onion. In summer. I've never eaten it really. Yeah, in summer it's a bit weird. French onion soup only comes in a sachet. No, no, Horne, it's a proper soup. Not just what you put in.

Could you make an actual French onion dip that's not kiwi dip that's actually nice? Yeah, I could do that. You watch your mouth. I keep saying I'll just bring in the bags of onions to work, and you guys can have some onions. Oh, I can polish a few brown onions. How many onions are you going to have? Why are you saying onions?

Onions. Because there's a G in the middle. Give me a bag of onions and I'll... You want some onions? Oh, yeah, I'll take your onions. I love onions. So you're going to take a whole bag. Did you check the receipt?

Did you buy three? I can't find it. Because I love when they mess up. I had a mess up once I bought a case of wine from the supermarket. It was like 25% off they had a sale and they gave me the organic stuff.

Oh right. Which is like $5 more a bottle. Ah, win-win. Yeah, it was win-win. I didn't say anything. Oh, that's awesome. I'll take that to my grave. Yeah, I must have deleted the receipt for some reason but I can't find it and I don't know if I've been charged for it. It's too late. I'm not going to return a couple of bags of onions.

So you'll have a bag? I promise you, Fletch, you live on your own. You're not going to get through a bag. No, I'll do an onion a day. You're an onion a day? I'm an onion a day. You're poor guts. Yeah, no, my guts are great.

Onion? How do you do that? What do you put your onions in? Oh, all kinds of stuff. Yeah, I do too. I love onions. I put them everywhere. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Onions. How do you do that? What do you put your onions in? All kinds of stuff. Yeah, I do too. I love onions. I put them everywhere. Onions and garlic.

You can't go wrong if your base ingredients are onion and garlic. I know, but there's brown onions. We're doing a lot of wraps and salads and barbecues. Salads are your red onion. Salads are your red onion. Also, I feel like the red onion would love to be identified as the purple onion. No, it's red. I know.

That's red. I know we call it the red, but it's purple. It's purple. Yeah, I know. And brown onions are white. Okay, here's a question. Why do they peel the red onions, but not the brown onions?

Because our local little bougie supermarket doesn't peel their red onions, don't they? Because they don't look very red. Is it because they look nicer when they peel them? Yes. Because when they don't, they look bleh. Yeah, I know. But you take it off and they look shiny and nice.

And they're not as wet. Do you know what I mean? Maybe that's the thing. Like red onions, you'd have it in a salad just as is. White onions, they're a bit weepy and juicy. Maybe that's why you've got to keep it in its skin. The big questions today. The big questions.

The big questions. Well, if you've got suggestions on what I should do with three massive two-cagey bags of onions. Bring them into work. Yeah. Be that person. Free onions. Anyone want some onions?

Play. ZM's Fletch Vaughan and Hayley. Hang on, hang on. Okay, so Coachella. I've never been. Have you been to Coachella? Yep. I've been a couple of times.

Have you? I went before it was two weekends. Did you know who you were seeing when you booked? Yes. Because when they're like Coachella line-up any day, I would have thought you would have had that booked well out. Do you know what I mean? No, I knew when they announced it because I –

oh, maybe not the second time, but the first time I did. But did you wait until Coachella was, the lineup was announced to buy flights? Very unlike you. You've usually got flights in the bag. Yeah. Months, months in advance. So, you know, like the lineup's always a really exciting moment. Who's going to be the headliners?

In 2023, it was announced Jan 10, but it still hasn't been announced, and it's the 17th. You're kind of struggling to get a headliner. Well, apparently that's a thing now for festivals because massive artists are like, why would I take less money to play one night at a festival when I can be doing a Taylor Swift or a Harry Styles and just playing my own shows and making a bajillion dollars?

Yeah, why would you even bother? But a clout cello. Yeah, it should be clout cella because it's still a very like, it's like one of the best festivals in the world, right? It's so cool. Yeah. So every year that you wait for the lineup and then it's all exciting and there's always a great name.

There's always a great name at the top. So it's been, there's a leak, right, for the 2024 lineup that's kind of made its way onto Reddit and TikTok. And it's a poster that looks legit. Like it looks, it's got the Coachella branding and the sponsors and the this and the da-da-da and the date. And it's not like, you know, usually these kind of funny, you know, leaks. The lineup isn't always like legit, but this looks like it could actually be a lineup. So there's the days,

like it was Friday, Saturday, Sunday, and then the next ones. And you see some names in there that I'm like, oh my God, awesome. Like Paramore?

Deaf Tones, Paramore, Lil Nas X. I'm like, oh cool, those are awesome thingies. Lana Del Rey. A V7 fold.

Yeah. Prodigy, Tyler, the creator, is in there. So that's the next thing. Justin Timberlake, his headlining Sunday. Tyler, the creator, is in there. So that's the next thing. Justin Timberlake is headlining Sunday. Well, this is what the leak says.

Troy Savan on the same day. Nelly Furtado, MGMT. God, I'd love to see them. Oh, my God. Nelly Furtado and Justin Timberlake are there. On the same one. Yeah. Right?

And then Lana Del Rey. So these are the big names. You're like, what a lineup. The only thing is, at the very top on the first day, Friday, April 12th, and the following Friday, is the Spice Girls. Which is huge. Like, that is something, if they were going to come back to reunite,

that would be the best way to do it. But here's the other thing about the Spice Girls. We talk about the fact, like, they've never done a reunion before. They've done, like, three now. They have. They fact that they've never done a reunion before. They've done like three now. They have. They have. But just never all four of them. They haven't done all four of them.

Sorry, all five of them since the Olympics. They did the opening ceremony for the London Olympics. All five of them. Did Victoria get involved in that? Yeah, Victoria got involved in that. So it was all five.

Surely Victoria would come for Coachella. No, she wouldn't. No, she has said straight out she'll never do it again. One, she's not a good singer, to be honest. And then two, she's got her own life. Like, she's got a very rich and successful husband,

a family that she's devoted to. Who fixes the TV in his undies. And she's got her fashion empire. Did you not see that? I didn't see this. That was like a couple of weeks ago. David Beckham was under the TV. Yeah.

Fixing the TV. I'm fixing the TV in my undies. Do you know what I did notice? Be honest. She made a video of her saying like, I can't believe I've got to take out the bins, right? And everyone's like, oh my God, funny, posh spice taking out the bins.

She doesn't play to recycle. What? That was my, I was like, boom, bitch. She doesn't recycle. She had plastics going in and she was tying them up and taking the bins out. I was like. Well, she's probably like me.

She's seen those news stories where everything just gets sent to Thames and it just sits in a hole. But you've got to pretend like you're giving a try. Oh yeah, you do. Anyway, apparently everyone's saying this is BS. Like, no way. This isn't happening. We would have known. Like, you know it's fake. Come on.

But as you say... The rest of the line-up looks incredible. Like, legit. But also they've got the smaller names in there. Like T-Pain and Andre3000. But you go down, like smaller names. We're in the middle of T-Pain resurgence. Yeah, it looks incredible, like legit. But also they've got like the smaller names in there, like T-Pain and Andre 3000, but you go down like smaller names you wouldn't even know. We're in the middle of a T-Pain resurgence. Yeah, I know. We're in the middle of a T-Pain resurgence

and he's turned off the auto-tune and that boy has pipes, he can sing. If you've not seen the clips online, you need to look it up. That guy has a voice. Did he do a masked singer? He did a masked singer, right? He won masked singer.

Yeah, and everyone was just like, and that was when everyone was like, what? And he's like, I actually, guys, I can sing. Yeah. That was just a stylistic choice. Well, any day now, we'll know if that is a true rumor or not. But yeah, if you've got coach- Spice Girls, Paramore, Lil Nas X, Deftones on the same day.

And that's just the beginning. Yeah. Well, any day now, that'll be confirmed or unconfirmed. It'll be so good. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley. Fact of the day, day, day, day, day. Today's, well, this week's fact of the day theme is artist names. Okay.

Band names, artist names, what do they mean? Where they come from. Fletch, could you cue up some Charlie XCX? Why are you telling me now? I could have done that during the song. I keep you on your toes. Yeah, you really do, don't you? I'd like to see how quickly he can find some Charlie.

No E. XCX. Charlie. Yeah, see See I've put an E there haven't I That's why I said no E When I was growing up Charlie had an E in it Or a Y Never an I There she is

August the 2nd 1992 Charlotte Emma Aitchison was born to parents Shamira and John John It's a classic dad name Oh, we got Flavour and then we got Vanilla, didn't we? Yeah, well, John's a Scottish entrepreneur Okay

Which literally could mean anything Yeah And Shamira is a nurse and flight attendant Yes Who was raised in Uganda to an Indian family. What an exciting mix. Pretty. So, Charlie,

at the age of 14, persuaded her parents to grant her a loan for her first album called 14. Yeah. Leaf out of Adele's book. Wow.

And she started posting those songs on MySpace. Then, a promoter who ran numerous illegal warehouse raves and parties invited her to perform. Why not invite a 14-year-old to perform at an illegal warehouse rave? She did, but she needed a name for the poster, of course.

And Charlotte Aitchison sounded a bit posh. Yeah, she was putting out there. So she used her MSN Messenger display name. Oh, shut up. That's not it. Oh, my God. Amazing. It's her MSN Messenger display name.

Charlie XCX. Wait, how old is she? Kiss Charlie Kiss. She's three years younger than me, so she's 31. Okay, wow. Yep, 31 now. So Charlie XX. Charlie, short for Charlotte, and Kiss Charlotte Kiss.

Crazy. That's her MSN display name. I don't remember my... XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX souls X with like little flower things, you know what I mean? Something decorative made out of like a tool and a squiggle and a comma and a colon. Yeah. All the little bits. Oh my god, but like nothing you want to remember. No. Nothing you want to remember. Mine's just been Vaughan Anonymous for a long time. Yeah, that's good. Yeah. So you've technically kept your stage name, your MSN

name as well. I would be Vaughan Anonymous if I was a 14 year old performing at an underage rave. Or Vanilla Rice I had for a while there as well. Born Nella Rice. Yeah, you did. Vanilla Rice. Yeah.

Wow, so that's her MSN messenger name. That's her MSN messenger name, CharlieXX. That is a great story. That's wild. Yeah. She now says

that she doesn't like the music that she was performing back then. When she was 14? Yeah. Neither, bro. So, yeah, that's how Charli XCX got her name. That's her MSN Messenger display name.

Fact of the day, day, day, day, day. Just quickly, yesterday you recorded the first episode of Sex Not Life Season 2. We did. A reminder that Season 1, if you haven't already, catch up, listen now, because Season 2, it's not far away. It's not far away at all.

If you're starting recording episodes. I can't say, I don't think I can say yet when Season 2 drops, but you don't have a lot of time to cram in all of Season 1. So you can listen to Season 1 on iHeartRadio

or wherever you podcast Sex.Life. It's the school holidays at the moment and probably like many parents who have popped back to work when the kids are spending a lot of time on devices and such. Even though it's lovely weather at the moment. And I said to my children yesterday, get off that device and enjoy this beautiful weather we're having because it might not last. Is it tempting though as a parent, because I don't want kids, but is it tempting as a parent when they're on their devices

and they're nice and quiet and keeping to themselves and you can just hang out with your wife and your friends? Totally. And there's a time for that. There's totally a time for that. Yeah, right. Absolutely. Yeah, because it would be easy.

They're quiet. Yeah, like we had a couple of them. I think you feel guilty, though. You look and you're like, it's the school holidays and they should be outside doing... See, that's why I shouldn't be a mum, because I wouldn't feel guilty about. You look and you're like, it's the school holidays and they should be outside doing. That's why I shouldn't be a mum. Cause I wouldn't feel guilty about it. This is excellent.

They're leaving me alone. I can keep living my life. And then you've got a kid who's got zero social skills, can type though. Jesus, you should see Indie type. Really like, I'm just like,

I don't know if it's all correct or not, but man, those fingers are tapping them keys. At a rate. So yesterday I kicked it, spit it's all correct or not, but man, those fingers are tapping them keys. Jeepers. At a rate. So yesterday I kicked the, spit it out. Are you okay? Oh, sweetie. It's on.

I kicked you. Spit it out, boy! They're only making my set of words. Spit it out, boy! I'm trying. I kicked them off the devices. Yeah. And then they went outside for a bit. And then that came in.

And it was weird. I could tell they had a question to ask. Okay. You know when you're a kid and you wanted to ask your parents something and you're kind of like lingering around. You're like, look. And then you might touch something you don't usually touch. And you're just kind of like floating about.

And I was like, what's happening? And then Indy was like, Augusta's got a question she wants to ask you. And Augusta was like, I don't want to ask it. I hated that. I don't want to ask it. I was like, either of you can ask it. Ask the question. And I kind of knew

that they wanted to camp on the back lawn. Fun. And they said, could we get the tent out and camp on the back lawn? Okay. And I said, yep.

And I thought this is a wonderful lesson to teach them how to put a tent up as well. It's not easy. A lesson that you won't use all that often in life, but important to know how to do it. No, they will when they go to R&V. They're not going to A lesson that you won't use all that often in life,

but important to know how to do it. No, they will when they go to R&B. They're not going to R&B. Oh, absolutely. Listen to you. Only because you know what happens at R&B. They're not going to R&B. Right, okay.

I will single-handedly bankrupt that festival before my daughters are eligible to go. Don't make me do it. Just give them a life ban from R&B before they've done anything wrong and your festival will be safe. Yeah, that's fair. So we put up the tent.

I knew as a child that tried to sleep in a back tent when I was a tent on the back lawn, a few things. You're best to go further away from home because when you're in the tent and it got dark and you got a little bit scared, you were safer in the tent than you were walking back to the house. Yeah. And we had a farm. So if you got a little bit scared, you were safer in the tent than you were walking back to the house.

Yeah. And we had a farm. So if you took it down the farm, you were fine. If it was on the back lawn, the house was too close. You just go inside. You know your bed. Like if you need to go to the toilet and you go into the toilet, you might as well just get into your own bed because it's going to be comfortable.

It's going to be a bit of sleep. Yeah. And I knew. However, I thought they might last longer than 28 minutes. 28 minutes. What did they do longer than 28 minutes. 28 minutes! What did they do in that 28 minutes that made them go nuts? I haven't talked to them, but I just heard, I put the security camera out there

because I thought it would be, I wanted to know what time they came in and if I asked them, they'd probably lie. So I put it out there so I could see the movement. And then there was a lot of in and out. I forgot something, I forgot something. And I'd stop and look at the camera and be like, we forgot something, Dad. I forgot something. I forgot something. And I'd stop and look at the camera and be like, we forgot something, Dad.

I wasn't watching at that stage. But then I woke up at like 10.30 and I went out just to check and they were already in bed asleep. Already in bed. And the last I saw them on the camera was 9.30 and then they came in just before 10. Did you say you get that off your mother?

Because didn't... Who left first from RMV? You or Sade? It was a collective decision. That's right. and then they came in just before 10. Did you say you get that off your mother? Who left first from RMV, you or Sade? It was a collective decision. That's right. We went one night and we stayed in the campground and we were in our late 20s and I was like, this is not the place for us. We should have got accommodation. I could have done the festival part.

Even a cabin or something. Yeah. But yeah, that was wild. I think we might have also chosen the wildest year to stay in that campground. That's when the person got run over in a tent.

They were in a tent and someone drove in and was doing skids and the tent got caught under the car. Did they die? Someone was screaming like, stop, stop, stop.

No, he was still asleep. And they dragged him out and he was like, he was fine. Just a bit pissed. Luckily, I'd say. I've never been, and I do not desire it.

Camping in general has never been a thing for me. I did it with school, but I'm not into it. What about a dock hut? I've never done a dock hut. Really? Me and Aaron would go camping like once every couple of years. It was fun for a couple of nights with a blow-up airbed and all the facilities.

So what you're describing is glamping. I'm heading towards more of a glamping. I'll go glamp any weekend. I'd go glamping every weekend. I love it. I describing is glamping I'm heading towards more of a glamping I'll go glamp any weekend I'd go glamping every weekend I love it One of those Instagram influencer glamps Where there's a bath sunk into a deck Absolutely

I want a thousand dollar a night camping There's a cheese platter An extraordinary sunset And maybe some native birds And wine from a local winery You know what I mean? But I also like chucking a tent in a campground and having a camp. Good for you.

It's good stuff. But I want to know, because everybody's got a reason, why is camping not for you? Yeah. Everyone got rained out at school camp, eh? Well, there was some rain. Stuff was wet. This New Year's.

Yeah, there was. Just before New Year's, there was a bit of rain. I can't relate at all. And on New Year's Eve, there was some rain. Screw you. Yeah. What about, I mean, Bloody Burning Man, they were all camping and they got flooded.

Oh, yeah. They got flushed out. There's bugs. Bugs are a big one. In New Zealand, we've got pretty harmless bugs, but people don't do bugs. People that go camping in Australia or in America, like the snakes just see your tent,

that's where they want to sleep. People go camping in like America. There's beers and stuff. Get a grip. Yeah. Absolutely not. So let's take your calls. My children are messaging me.

You're a liar. You're a liar. We lasted an hour and a half. We went out at nine. Absolutely. I will count the last time you went into the tent as the time that the camping began because they were in and out, in and out, in and out.

And then when they came in, I in and out in and out and then when they came in I've got video I've got video proof you can call me a liar and exaggerate it all you like my dear dear children

I mean just enjoy this time where they're calling you a liar and not something else it'll change the language will change

okay give us a call 0800 DALS at M 9696 when did you try camping and find that it wasn't for you or maybe you

loved camping but then something changed your mind. Yeah. The weather, the people you were with and experience. Maybe someone was humping next to your tent. That's why you forget about a campground when you're in a tent. You hear everything. Yeah. Because your walls

are nylon. Taking your calls about the time when you knew camping wasn't for you. When the penny dropped. They actually, did you know these walls and floors and beds? Maybe your tent was taken away by a New Year's storm of water. Mm-hmm. That happens every, seems to be every New Year's now.

Because the first camping trip I ever went on was like primary school and then it was all like he likes, she likes, you know, like boys, girls and stuff. Maybe you were traumatised. Maybe the hot boy. Because nobody liked you. Yeah, maybe the hot boy liked someone else. Sarah, when was camping not for you?

Oh, hi. So camping for me, every time I go camping, I'm prone to getting attacked by possums. Do you smell like eucalyptus? Pardon? Do you smell like eucalyptus? Pardon? Do you smell like eucalyptus or apples? Oh, I don't know, but I'm just, every time I want to go toilet, I'm always getting chased by possums. My tent gets attacked by possums.

Look at your possum magnet. Possums, I'm a possum magnet, and every time I hear possums snorting, I'm just like, yeah, nah. Possums snorting? That's the only other times I go and sleep in the car. Do they snort? Yeah, they maybe. They have a snorting. That's the only other times I go to sleep in the car. Do they snort? Yeah. They have a snorting noise.

Like a hocky kind of piggy thong. I didn't think they attacked though. I just thought they would just like always. They attack Sarah. They come into your tent because they can smell the food probably. And then, yeah, that's why I asked if you smelt like, maybe you were using an apple pie moisturiser or something and they were like, yummy.

Yeah. I don't know. But I've also had a seal on my tent before. A seal? So I've come back from town, and there's a big seal on my tent. And I'm like, wow. So I'm here. What is in your tent, Sarah?

I'm sorry, how did they get the zipper open? No, the zipper, so I, hang on. So I am not the brainiest of the bunch, and I didn't completely zip it right up. And I'm one of those ones that are like, oh, it needs a bit of air, even though the tent's full of air. Yeah, it's got vents, doesn't it? And a seal's kind of gone in and clipped my tent.

Ridiculous. That's good stuff. And you just have to wait until the seal goes. She's clocked out. I waited about two hours until the seal decided to have a sleep and decided to go back into the sea. Everything was smelt too. Yeah, they're blubbery, fishy, stinky.

Hard to explain to the person you're taking home for the night that that's the stink of the seal. That's not me. That's not me. Sorry, promise, promise, not me. Thank you. Heather, when was camping not for you? God, it was probably about six years ago, six or seven years ago.

And so I grew up camping with my family in the UK. Pretty much every holiday was camping, actually. And my husband did the holiday camps. So in the UK, they have like beach holiday camps, which are all cabins and light entertainment. And he did that. And so he'd never done camping apart from festivals. And, yeah, I took him to a DOC campsite for one night, so we weren't really going for a long time.

But we just borrowed some friends' sleeping bags, and then in the middle of the night we found that they were definitely indoor-only sleeping bags. Oh, no. Paper lightweight. Okay lightweight, yeah. Okay, so you were outside freezing to death. Freezing to death, yeah. So it'd be really hot in the day,

and obviously we kind of, like, thought we were fine, and then, yeah, absolute hypothermia. What is the point of an indoor sleeping bag? Oh, yeah. Those are called sheets and duvets. It's always too hot in a sleeping bag indoors as well. Yeah, exactly. Oh, that sucks.

Yeah, but then luckily, he used to work for a toy company that happened to be Soft Toys. And certain bit of the night in our desperation, we raided his back of his car, which was full of socks. Or like Tickle Me Elmo's or something. Little cuddly beers.

Lots and lots of soft toys. And basically just like loads of our tents. With cuddly toys. That would be so hard and creepy to explain in the morning when you're packing out your tent and you're taking out all your soft toys. Yeah. Now listen, we were cold. Look at those guys.

Oh my God, amazing. So you starved off hypothermia with a carload of soft toys. Yeah. Squishmallows. I love that. Brilliant. Heather, thank you. Keep your texts coming in.

9696 0800 Darls at M. When did you find out camping was not for you? We're talking about why camping isn't for you. It's not for everybody. Maybe you've had an incident. Some messages in. We went camping on top of native bee holes. Who in the New Zealand had underground native bees?

This is the first I'm learning about native bee holes. What's a bee hole? It's like one of the big fat ones. Bumblebees live underground. Do they? Yeah, bumblebees live underground. What are they doing? They live in a bee hole.

They live in a bee hole. I thought they lived in a hive above the ground. No, you're thinking of the honeybees and bees and wasps. What are buzzy bees? Bumblebees. Yeah, what do they do? Just look cute. They're real cute.

They live underground. Now, do they make the honey puffs? They don't make the honey puffs. I've seen them. I've seen the ad. No, you're thinking of a standard bee. An ad for a morphic bee. Which kind of bee was Bumble?

He was a standard honeybee, I think. I don't know if he was a bumblebee. He wasn't fat enough. Fat for a bee. Oh, you can't say that now. Cancel. Talk to Fat Shame Bumble. Yeah.

I apologise to you. And I also think you said he there, and I don't think we ever got a gender on Bumble. Bumble was a boy. It depended what Bumble was doing. If Bumble was doing the work, isn't that the female bee? Wow. Okay, so you misgendered Bumble.

Wow. Ouch. Ouch. Ouch. And fat shamed. Camping wasn't for me when we did it for 11 months while building and came home to tent poles bent and flattened by snow. They were camping in snow? I'm sorry. Oh, wow. Just pausing. Oh my god. Jason Gunn was Bumble. Yeah.

That's why Bumble's a boy. No, I think Bumble is playing a character. Yeah, well, if Bumble is a woman, Jason Gunn's a boy. No, I think he was playing a character. Yeah, well, if Bumble is a woman, Jason Gunn's cancelled. Yeah, but he got cancelled as well. Yeah, so Jason Gunn's cancelled. I'm not cancelled. I don't want to cancel Gunny.

No, Gunny's not cancelled. Leave Gunny out of this. Or he voiced, according to you, a female character. Whoa, whoa, whoa. That was the early 2000s. We didn't know he'd be there. We may have to ask Gunny what... I know, I think Bumble may have been male skewed.

Right, okay. Who's to know? By the way, your tents, so talking about camping, I saw someone, because people put up their tent setups online and I think one just came up in a reel. Someone had one of those like McMansion tents and it was like eight rooms. Yeah, nuts.

And it was like 100 metres long. I was like, see, that would be cool. I know, but how could you be bothered setting it up? Oh, yeah, it would eight rooms. Yeah, nuts. And it was like 100 metres long. I was like, see, that would be cool. I know, but how could you be bothered setting it up? Oh, yeah, it would take forever. Yeah. Yeah. Can't be bothered. I got dengue fever when I was camping in India,

so it's a no from me now. What about old mate always having a snore in the tent beside you? Yeah. Roar on. We pissed him off the following night. Oh, wait a minute. That refreshed. I missed that.

It was by blowing up the air bed in the middle of the night. And he had the nerve to have a whinge about us inflating the air bed when he'd been snoring. Yeah. We let him have it. Bugs. I once got trapped in a tent with the biggest. Don't.

I don't want to know it. Why would you even read it? It doesn't matter. With the biggest fly. I wasn't. I was reading it as I go. Biggest dusty butterfly. Yeah.

And couldn't get out because in my panic when I pulled the zip up too quick and did that thing with the teethy teeth lock. Yes. Yeah. Dusty butterfly. At my school camp, we had to do that solo camp night. That terrified me so much. I remember that.

They came and got me. I was 14 and I'd been crying. And they were like, what happened? I was like, I don't know. There's something in my eye. Dust, dust. I had 100% been crying because I'd skipped my life. I'm going to get eaten out of here. I mean, they did take us camping in the Karonga Valley where famously

Swedish hitchhikers were murdered and never found. Hey, go out there and stay the night by yourself. Oh my God. Let us tell you a story first though. Yeah. I'm 8% Swedish. Oh my God. They love the Swedes. I'm more or less Heidi and Sven. Oh no, Sven.

Putting this little bloody cutie out there. Oh God. I love nature, but sandflies love me more. So my family came over the holidays and I just spend all that time by myself and I can't say I hate it. Oh, yeah, beautiful. The heat, somebody said.

It does get hot. Yeah, the humidity. And the fact that it gets very hot very early in the morning. And the light. You know, if you arrive at a campsite late and you pitch your tent and you don't realise that you're in the sun,

the morning sun, that's the worst. You're like, this is a good spot. And then the morning's like, 6am. Here I am. Or too close's the worst. You're like, this is a good spot, and then the morning's like, 6am, here I am. Or too close to the toilets. Oh, yeah. So when it gets really busy and the septic tank's venting and you can smell everybody's booze. Somebody said crying children.

Oh, yeah. Yeah, it was a crying, moaning toddler all day, all night. I lost my shit in the middle of the night one night and yelled out, FFSFS would someone make that child shut the F up. Oh my God, what's that Fletch? Fletch texted.

So first time I came in went down south never again. Two days of rain. Second night I was willing to forfeit what I paid at the camp but the guy came out

and put a tarpaulin on my tent and then I was like oh, what did you do that for? I just wanted to go to a hotel. Try a hotel. Hotels are nice. They've got a TV in them. Yeah. And then I was like, oh, what'd you do that for? I just wanted to go to a hotel. Try a hotel. Hotels are nice. They've got a TV in them.

Yeah. And air con. Yeah, I just stay at home. And little sachets of coffee that I wear still too. Oh yeah, and the little mini little pinup. And I'll say it,

hard to play with yourself at a campground. Ha-cha. Ha-cha. Ha-cha to us all. Ha-cha. Ha-cha to us all. Great work, guys.

10 out of 10 if I say so myself. I'll do a 9.6. Is that enough for you? Shout to us all.