ZM's Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley - Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley's Big Pod - 17th July 2024

Episode Date: July 16, 2024

NZ's Best City  Silly Little Poll!  Top 6: Police Rangers  Language Necessities  Hayley went to Para Rubber  When did you realise you were dating an idiot?  Fletch's Unexpected Guests  Fact of the Day Day Day Day Daaaaay!See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

The ZM Podcast Network. The Flesh, Fawn and Hayley Big Pod. Great things are brewing at McCafe. The perfect start to every day. Good morning, welcome to the show, Flesh, Fawn and Hayley. Hello. Good morning. As I avoided disaster this morning, I nearly used old milk.

Oh, clumpy, clumpy. Three day old milk. Do you think this building has too much milk in it? Sometimes it has too much milk and then it's got no milk. And then it's got no milk. Three day old milk. Do you think this building has too much milk in it? Sometimes it has too much milk and then it's got no milk. And then it's got milk that's only expired. You've got to check. There's got to be

a better way. This has to be in the top 10 biggest problems that the world's facing right now. Yeah. For me, that's up there. I couldn't find a top 10. I think this will be in the top ten. Worst things happening in the world right now.

I couldn't find a top today, so I've gone jumper only. Wait, so what are you wearing underneath? A bra. Oh, wow. You can get too hot. Wait, that's like a fluffy, itchy looking top. It's alpaca merino. I'm stuck.

That won't be itchy. That's soft. It's lovely. But it's South Americans. Too warm. No, they're itchy. That's soft. It's lovely. Lovely. It's going to get warm. Too warm. No, they're warm. South Americans do know the soft fabrics,

don't they? They know soft fabrics. Well, if we're all adding to problems, Sade used my car, the Jimny, yesterday. Yeah. That bitch.

Low petrol. Oh, yeah, she never fills it up. It's the keys. She what? She hides the keys. Why does she hide the keys? She puts the keys.

I get home and I always put the keys. I always go and put them on the end of the bench with the rest of my clutter. What is a kitchen bench for? That's what it's for. It's for the keys. Why does she hide the keys? She puts the keys. I get home and I always put the keys. I always go and put them in the end of the bench. Yeah, that's what a kitchen bench is for. That's what it's for. It's for the keys.

She just hides them willy-nilly. Sometimes just drops them on the couch. Have you thought about waking her up to start kind of a thing where if you can't find your keys, you wake her up. I tell her, I say, where's the keys? It's not where you desire. I found them eventually. God,

life's so hard, isn't it, guys? But I'm going to have to fill up with gas on the way home and I hate some of the gas. I hate it. So I've got to stop for gas too. Should we make an event out of it?

Yep. Let's have fun with it, you know? Yeah, we can pull into that long line at Costco where there's like three pumps in a row

but a line of six cars and no one's going around one of the cars to get into the thing and you're like, and then you just get sick of waiting so you nip around everybody. And then you look like an asshole

but then you're like, well, you left the gap. Sometimes I'll just, if you can see that happening, you pull into a servo and just reverse in in front of, and cut the line.

Oh yeah. I also think people are so scared that it's not on their side. They'll be like, I'm waiting for that one because that's where my flap is. It reaches. Just be brave. Every time it reaches. that one because that's where my flap is. It reaches. Just be brave. Every time it reaches.

Get a little bit closer. It'll go over to your flap. A little bit further forward. Come on. Grow up. $25,000 still up for grabs with five on time. Eight o'clock will give you the chance to play. Also, another wakey-wakey call. Thanks to McCafe soon.

Three months of free coffee up for grabs. They're good to us, aren't they? They are. Just register, send them online if you'd like us to call you and wake you up. No one's slept through it yet. No. Otherwise, it'll jackpot if nobody answers. So we haven't had that yet.

I like that. Because I leave my phone on silent. Same. I'm a do not disturb boy. Remember when I didn't wake up and I came to work at 7? You know my phone's on silent. I guess if you register and you enter for this you can turn your phone off or set a You'll know it's happening.

So if you want to register for that, set him online. We could be calling you soon and waking you up. The top six on the way. The police. The New Zealand police. Who, by the way, are leaving the country in droves. Oh, yeah. To go to Australia where they're like, come on over. You can be a constable here too.

No questions asked. They will pay you a whole stack more. Yeah, but you've got to go to call-outs of snakes and stuff. Crocodiles. They'd be like... I reckon that's the least worst call-out you could get when it comes to being a police person. A snake. Nah, I wouldn't want that.

What about a murder? Yeah, what about a hit? If I was just dealing, if I was just a snake cop, I'd just be out there, I'd have a net. I'd be unstoppable. And high boots.

High boots. High boots, snake cop. That could be a great new TV show. I'd have boots made of snake. So when I walked in and they'd have those little stirrup, what are those things on the back? The cowboy's hips?

Stirrups. Yeah. The snakes would be like, uh-oh. Mom? He's here. Yeah, and they'll see The snakes would be like, uh-oh. Mom. He's here. Yeah, and they'll see the skin and be like, oh my God, Mom.

And then the net gets them and then they're in the tank. Snake cop. Yeah. Snake cop. Snake cop. I love that. He's got hard boots

and high expectations. So the New Zealand police, who we just said are leaving to go to Australia to be snake cops, are likely to get Ford Rangers. Oh, new police. Wow.

And new police wagons. And it makes perfect sense. I've got the top six reasons police should have been driving Rangers all along. Because you've got a, is it a hypothesis that Ranger drivers are all a-holes? You do. Well, he's actually got scientific research

that it's a fact. Personal research, scientific research. Yeah, right. NZTA research. Yeah, Ranger drivers are a-holes. Just if they scientific research. Yeah, right. NZTA research. Yeah. Ranger drivers are a-holes. Just if they're driving a Ranger, they're a loose unit. Okay.

Yeah. And now the police are going to have them. They're a loose goose. Yeah. So what's the top six dealing with? Top six reasons the police should have been driving them all along. The similarities between the police and Ford Ranger drivers. Play. ZDM's Fletch Vaughan and Hayley.

Well, the magazine. Oh, are they still making magazines? Well, I mean, I think Home and Garden Yeah, Tram She loves it New Zealand House and Garden New Zealand House and Garden New Zealand House and Garden, yeah

What's the difference? You walk down the aisle at the supermarket and the magazines there's so many still Because I've started buying them New Zealand House and Garden Oh, that's a sign you're getting old. I know, and I've turned into my mum because I told you she's had

every single issue since 1989. The year that it started. And so even when she's overseas, I have to buy them for her. And then I read them and I enjoy them. Well, Travel and Leisure, it's a magazine but also online as well. They had a massive poll. Good for them.

Lucky them. A couple of hundred thousand people voted for their favourite city in the world. In the world. Now, Queenstown is the best city in New Zealand, yet asterisk, technically only 30,000 people actually live there full time. So what does that make? It's more of a town. I always thought Queenstown was a city. No, not in the, If they redrew the map, if they redrew the town limits... It could.

Yeah. So that was best. New Zealand city. That finished third out of the Australia, New Zealand category behind Sydney and Melbourne. Oh. Yeah. Sydney's a shithole.

Sydney's a shithole. I like Melbourne a lot. I'd live in Melbourne before I lived in Sydney. Melbourne's a shithole Sydney's a shithole I like Melbourne a lot I'd live in Melbourne I'd live in Melbourne Sydney Melbourne's a shithole too Melbourne there's a part of Melbourne

that's quite cool but if you go out yeah it's like it's Hamilton and you guys are always shitting on Hamilton so it's

burbs are Hamilton burbs out of Australia New Zealand Sydney Melbourne Queenstown Auckland Hobart I'd love to visit Hob Queenstown, Auckland, Hobart. I'd love to visit Hobart.

I would love to visit Hobart. I've never been, but my dear friend Madeleine Sami filmed over there for months and months and months and months. Oh, doing that show where she played the... Yep. Loved it. And it's very arty and there's museums and like... And there's lots of outdoor like hikes and beautiful...

Yeah, gorgeous. Okay. Well, we're pitching for a show Hobart. Hobart show? It feels like we're pitching... What, a Hobart radio show? We're pitching for a trip to Hobart. Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley live.

From Hobart. From Hobart. Hobart. Fletch, Vaughan and Hobart. You don't need to come. That's saving money. What? The H would be Hobart.

Yeah, perfect. You could just do it from here. What just happened? Fletch, Vaughan and Hobart. No, but I'm the H in this show. No, but Hobart is. And then that saves us taking you. Fletch, Vaughan, Hayley and Hobart.

Too many H's. Too many H's. People won't get on board. You know Hallie Hanson? You know that Hallie Hanson brand? Two H's, no one's on board. What about Fletch, Vaughan and Hobart Sproul? And Sproul?

You change your name to Hobart. Well, you go by your last name. And you change your last name to Hobart and then you can come. Hayley Hobart your name to Hobart Well you go by your last name And you change your last name to Hobart And then you can come Hayley Hobart Hayley Hobart Really good name That's a great

Actually a really good name Hayley Hobart Yeah No don't do that Hi y'all I'm Hayley Hobart You're not coming now You're not coming Oh for God's sake

Oh no he's already Hayley Holt That's two H's There is Hayley Holt You can't be Hayley Hobart That would be so confusing for people Well when it came to the top 10 cities According to readers of Travel and Leisure Holt. There is Hayley Holt. You can't be Hayley Holt, but that would be so confusing for people. Well, when it came to the top 10 cities, according to readers of Travel and Leisure,

when it came to in the world, Portugal, number 10, Funchal. Portugal? That's a country. Yeah, but the town of Funchal or the city. I've never been. This guy, he's learning a lot about countries. Ubud in Indonesia is number nine. That's like...

Ubud rules. Yeah, but is it a city? It's just... Is it the monkey forest? Yeah. Yeah. That's not a... It's tiny. That's not a city or a town. It's a province at most. It's a province. Yeah, that's a province. But it's beautiful. Tokyo, Japan

was eight. Bangkok in Thailand number seven. Florence in Italy number six. I was just... Chiang Mai in Thailand. You're just in Italy. Write that down. At the end of the week, this tallies it. I was also in Italy, number six. Chiang Mai in Thailand. You're just in Italy. Write that down. At the end of the week, this tallies it. I was also in Italy, but I don't go on about it. There it is.

There's one from him. Yeah, but that's the only one you'll get today. Chiang Mai, Thailand was five. Hoi An in Vietnam. Hoi An. Sorry, sorry, sorry. It looks like it is just Fletchford and Hobart after that. Or Fletchford and Hoi An.

Kyoto in Japan is not just a protocol. It's a hell of a place to visit. Apparently, yeah. Number three on the list. Unipur in India. I don't know if I'm saying that right. No, I'd say you're definitely not saying that right. Yeah, because I paused, didn't I?

Okay, I think you said it right. I'm saying that right. No, I'd say you're definitely not saying that right. Yeah, because I paused, didn't I? And you're saying it right. Am I saying that right? Am I saying that right? Am I saying that right? Am I saying that right? The number one city, according to readers of Travel and Leisure, is in Mexico, and it's San Miguel de Alana. Are you saying that right?

I think you've said that. As you need? I don't know. I googled it. It's a really small town, like maybe just out of Mexico City. What's it good for? Like what's it known for? It just looks like a cute old town. And it is the number one place in the world.

And it's not like a beachy city. It's just a small town. I don't know what it's got going on. It looks beautiful. No. Has it got good drugs? I don't know. I don't know what it's got going on. It looks beautiful. No. Has it got good drugs? I don't know. I don't know what it's got.

Good healthy, safe drugs. But yeah, that's the number one. San Miguel de Alge... And again, he's nailed it. Will you say it then? No, he's actually in it. San Miguel de Alande. Oh, for God's sake.

It rolled off the tongue, my friend. Well, this tongue's rolled a few, if you know what I mean. Yeah, I do. A few San Miguel's. He said a few San Miguel's in this time. But did you Google it? Like, it doesn't look, I don't know. It looks really traditional, what you imagine old Mexico to look like.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Maybe that's, it's got a real, oh, well, it's colonial. It's described as a colonial era city in Mexico's central highlands. It's known for its Baroque Spanish architecture. Oh, I love Baroque. But then that's like everywhere in, you know, South America and Central America. They're a dime a dozen, though.

Do you know what it's amazing what you can do when you rock into one of these areas with a huge army in the 1600s? Decimate the entire local population and set up and do whatever you want with its rich local resources. It's amazing what you can do. It's resources. It's amazing what you can do. It's amazing.

It's amazing. If you want, you just do it with the red tape. Cut through the red tape. Yeah. None of these houses have resource management acts

or bloody insulation standards. Give me a break. Cut through the red tape. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley. Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley Silly little poe Silly little poe It is so silly Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley. Today's silly little poll is immediate sex thing in a new relationship a red flag? Even in like, even like just on Tinder.

Let's just get two. Do you know what I mean? As someone who's literally never used Tinder. If you're on Tinder, doesn't it sort of indicate that that would be on the menu? No, people are there for love as well. Yeah, people are there for love as well. So you would need to ask them, have you dined with us before?

We do things a little differently. Yes. I kind of smatter you with erotic lines and judging on your feedback. I will then either pull back or go for a hug. How good's a bit of flirty texting? A bit of winky-winky, a little bit of photo sharing? Well, it's quite one-sided.

Yes, it is a red flag in a new relationship. To sext immediately, 73% of people said that it is. 27%... Am I saying that right? Yeah. 27% of people said no. Not a red flag. Right.

Okay. Let's get to some feedback, shall we? Now, your theory there, Fletch, is that we've heard from our male listeners. Yeah. Well, you would say that our first responder, female, Carmen, just get it. Get it? It's fresh on tap. Lol. Yeah. She's out for it. Carmen, just get it. Get it? It's fresh on tap. Lol.

Yeah. She's out for it. Watch out. Carmen Sandiego's out to get it. Where on earth is she? She's in our DMs. You, you, Buenos Aires, probably. She's spending pesos.

Gwyneth says, I feel like it's just- Yes, Gwyneth Paltrow Good morning Massive listener of the show I just feel like It indicates hooking up As their main goal So fine if that's What you're going for

But a red flag If you're wanting something A little more long term That's true Yeah fair Okay Yeah Kaylee says

I think a little bit of seasoning Keeps the taste buds tantalised Oh Hello Mary Poppins She's probably got All the flavours of those. What are those bottles of seasonings you get at the supermarket? Master foods?

She's probably got every single one. All the seasonings. She means spices. Spices, yeah. Branch out. Spices and seasoning. I think you were describing something like exciting and you're like, you've got master foods.

Master foods. She's got salt. Oregano. She's got all of them. She's got mixed herbs probably. She's got Tuscan.'s got all of them. She's got mixed herbs probably. She's got Tuscan. Not only paprika, but smoked paprika as well. Oh my God.

She's probably got the garlic salt one too. Do you think she's got garlic salt? See, I don't even have garlic salt. Garlic salt rules. I don't know. Do you reckon she'd have Chinese five spice? Oh, 100%. Do you reckon she's got a star anise?

Yeah. She'd have a small jar of star anise. She made a Chinese based stew the other day. Heavy on the star anise. Oh no. Both that and the other day. Heavy on the star anise. Oh, no. Both. Can't go heavy. You can put one or two.

The only thing that's good for it is a mulled wine. The star anise. No, I'll put it in one sort of Chinese dish. No. This Chinese dish had a mulled wine vibe. Oh, okay. But with beef. I was for it.

It feels like a stew. It was a Chinese stew. That's a no from me. Do you know a stew? Nah. Had too many stews growing up. Sounds like a stew. It was a Chinese stew. That's a no from me. Do you know a stew? Nah. Had too many stews growing up. You do? Yeah.

Why is it loaded up with just the cheap frozen shit vegetables? What are we putting a Chinese stew on? Rice. Rice, yeah. Yeah, yum. Or bok choy. Rice is my carb of choice. Stay bok choy the hell out of my way.

You know how he feels about bok choy. I don't know bok choy. It tries to choke me every time I eat it. I try to trigger you then. It tries to floss my teeth while I'm eating. Let me finish my meal. He tries to floss my dangly bit and the oolong-glang-glang that hangs down.

He tries to strangle that off every time. So Kayleigh said a little bit of seasoning keeps the taste buds tantalised. I don't want your dick pic straight away. Should I just say dick pic like that? No, I don't know. I was going to say D-pic and then dick just flopped out, you know.

Which is why I'm not allowed back in the club rooms. I don't want your D pick straight away, but you can tell me I'm hot as much as you please. Okay. Yeah, nice. Zachary says, what are we in high school? Grow the F up. Now, I don't know if he's pro or con by that.

It could go either way. Couldn't it? It's certainly not our friend, Zach. No, no. Hell no. Sam says, to me it means they only want one thing. Ashley says, hey Siri, play Elvis, you ain't nothing but a horndog. Yeah, you ain't nothing but a

horndog. Charles says as one of those homosexuals, most of our relationships start with sexting. They do things backwards, don't they, the gays? That's the way to go. They do things backwards. Or are they doing it right?

They could be. I don't know that many homosexuals. They've got their prep now. They're out there doing whatever the F they please. I almost swore. I told my mum overseas what prep was. Because one of my homosexual friends was sharing a story, which I then shared with my mother.

And she said, well, you tell them. I hope they've been careful. I said, mother. There's PrEP. Let me tell you about PrEP. Now, PrEP won't stop the gonorrhea or the chlamydia. No. Yeah, but antibiotics for a week are fine.

Grow up. You can get over it once. Yeah. Probably good to have an antibiotic every now and then just to get the system regular. Give yourself a wash from top to bottom. It's like you've got to wash the dishwasher. Do you know what I mean?

You do. Every now and then, the washer must be washed. They want you to buy that expensive dishwasher. No, you have to wash the dishwasher. It's no good if you're on a greywater system, I don't believe. Okay. How do we get from unprotected sex a grey water system, I don't believe. Okay. How do we get from unprotected sex to

washing your dishwasher? I don't know. Because that's what you're doing. Both messy business. Put a little round to anti-bees. Yeah.

Play ZM's Fletchford and Hayley. We all have heard Fergie's rendition of the very difficult, by the way, it's one of the hardest national

anthems in the world, the American national anthem at the way, it's one of the hardest national anthems in the world, the American National Anthem at the NBA. It's crazy. It's so bad. It's a long time ago, and I don't think she's ever lived it down. This bit's my favourite. It's perfection.

Watch, and Steph Curry's on the sideline, like, trying not to laugh. It's terrible. Anyway, this has been... Oh, gosh, she's going for the big... She got there, but it's not nice. Yeah. No. Yeah, no. So Fergie, and that was deemed the worst national anthem rendition of all time, right? By like a star.

There's a new candidate for worst. This is Ingrid Andress. Ingrid Andress. She's an American country music star. I don't know her stuff, but she's been Grammy nominated, won American country music awards. She's a big deal. She sung the National Anthem at the, where was she? It was a baseball game in Texas.

Yeah. And people are saying this is the new worst version ever. So we're like, okay, it's bad. It's bad. Keep listening. Keep listening. Oh, darling. Oh, no. See, that's not even in the same scale. Oh. And you can see

the players as well. And even the crowd. There's a couple of times the entire, massively, it's the derby game. It's like between two of Texas' biggest baseball teams. Yeah. The stadium is larger than anything New Zealand has ever seen. It's like MCG side stadium. Yeah.

And the whole, it's parts, the crowd's like, oh, forget about it. Oh. They're so offended they go, they turn from Texans to New York. So everyone's been laughing about it overnight. And as of 45 minutes ago, she has released a statement. Okay. Because we can't be ignoring this. It says, I'm not going to bullshit y'all. I was drunk last night.

She's cooked. She looks boozy. She did look cooked. She looks nervous. But then when she says she's drunk, you're like, ah, gotcha. Do you think she was like, I'm going to have to do this performance? Like, she's obviously been on stage, but it would be different standing in the middle of a stadium

because you'd see people. Bit of Dutch courage, you reckon? Bit of Dutch courage. She's like, well, I'm going to need a drink or two. Yeah, maybe that's, and she just got carried away. I mean, that's not a drink or two, though, is it? That's karaoke level. It's 3 a.m. and I'm saying let's go to K-Rose.

Do you know what I mean? Yeah. She said, I'm sorry. I'm not going to bullshit y'all. I was drunk last night. I'm checking myself into a facility today to get the help I need. That was not me. I apologize.

All the fans in this country I love so much for that rendition. I'll let y'all know how rehab is. I hear it's super fun. I hear it's super fun. She sounds fun. She sounds fun. She sounds fun. She does sound fun. This feels a little bit,

I mean, maybe she does have a problem with drinking, but it does feel like a sort of a publicity knee jerk. You know, I'm going to quickly fix this, but I think she just

had a big night. I think she just got, as you say, got nervous. Yeah. Got on it. Had to, had another.

And you know what it's like? And then she stood up and her legs were a bit funny. She was like, uh-oh. Uh-oh. Or maybe she had that thing when you're on your super booze and you hear yourself and you're like, god damn. Is that Mariah Carey in the room? Play ZM's Fletchford and Ailey.

Play ZM. From the panoramic ZM think tank, this is the top six. What was that noise? I'm going to just re-it up for the top six. Oh, that's great. Well, the New Zealand police are getting Ford Rangers.

This is a problem with the top six. I'll often write it and then have to go read the story. Because you put all your energy into the creative side of it. Yeah, Right. So New Zealand's most popular ute, the Ford Ranger, is joining the police Ford force. Yeah. The New Zealand police have used

Ford Telstars. How embarrassing. That's embarrassing. When did the police use Ford Telstars? Was that like community constables back in the 90s? Yeah, maybe. The Telstar. Maybe. I know, it's a funny little car. The Telstar. Maybe. Oh, gosh. I know, it's a funny little car.

Funny little car. It was a mum car, wasn't it? Wasn't it a mum car? Very mummy. Yeah. The Telstar, the Ford Explorer, the Ford Transit vans, and Ford Falcons have always been in the New Zealand police. But now that the Ranger will be added to the list.

I talk a lot of smack about Rangers, but I tell you what, if I had a Wild Track Ranger, I'd be pretty stoked. Yeah, because you get passed by them in your little chimney and you get all upset because they're up your ass because you're driving 70 in 100. Yeah, and they're flashing their lights and because they're so much higher than me because they're on ridiculously high tyres.

Why does an urban plumber need that big of tyres? He just does when he's off-road. In case he's got to plumb up a mountain. He'll never plumb up a mountain. You don't know that. And he's at such a height that when he full beams me, it's right in my eyes. I know, you don't like them. He doesn't like it at all. Well, the top six reasons the police should have been driving Ford Rangers all along, they're similarities.

Yeah. That's today's top six. And number six is, both of them are always right up your ass. Yeah. I'll say to police and Ford are always right up your ass. Yeah. I'll say it to police and Ford Rangers. Just go around me. Go around me? Change lanes, Horne. I tried to get out of the way. I tried.

You should be in the left lane always. Actually, you should live in the left lane. I'm sick of it. You're a left lane princess. I'm a left lane princess. Yes. Number five on the list of the top six reasons police should have been driving Rangers all along. You're a left lane princess. I'm a left lane princess. Yes. Number five on the list of the top six reasons police should have been driving Rangers all along.

Both are a law unto themselves. One, because they are literally the law. And the other because, I don't know, when you buy a Ford Ranger, they tell you you're now above it. I think so, yeah. I don't know, to do whatever you want with it. Like a renegade of sorts.

Again, like I totally love one. Yeah, big jacked up one. Massive ridiculous wheels. Yeah. renegade of sorts. Again, like I totally love one. Yeah. Big, jacked up one. Massive, ridiculous wheels. Yeah. Yeah. That's hot. Yeah, like a hard, like, keep it as a ute, but have one of those slide out hard tops to the ute. Oh, yeah. I don't like those. No, but if you need a big

load, you can still rack it right back, like a roller door and use it. It makes the tray so small. Yeah, but then if you want to put something in the tray, it'd be good for my shopping. Great. Put the carpet back on. It would be great for your shopping.

Hot chugging a bag of coleslaw in the back of your Ford Ranger as you drive 25 metres from the supermarket to your house. Yeah, basically. Seems like the perfect use for it. Number four on the list of the top six reasons police should have been driving Ford Rangers all along. Their similarities. Both have been known to run people off the road, the police

run people off the road, criminals generally, Ford Ranger drivers run people off the road, slow people who are in their way like you, yeah Number three on the list of the top six reasons police should have been driving Rangers all along both are feared by 19 year olds in flat peak hats driving lowered old Japanese imports without a warrant of fitness.

Yeah, you're not wrong. Yeah, Ford Rangers love getting right up behind them. Drive right over the top of them. Yeah, they probably could. They could, like those monster trucks. Especially once one of those big, big, sexy Ford Rangers with a mess of wheels on them. Yeah, and a big, like, grill across the front.

Yeah, a bit of a man made me put a Ram bar and a bull bar across the front. A bit of a ram bar and a bull bar on the front of that. Big boy driving it. Yeah. It just adds another inch, doesn't it?

Yeah, it just adds a couple of inches. Maybe a bit of a souped up exhaust system. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. You get a real

intimidating growl going on with that massive bulldog of a vehicle you're driving. And number two on the list of the top six reasons

police should have been driving Ford Rangers all along. Both look best in blue or black. Yeah, good call. That's the police look great in their

blue or black uniforms. Yeah. And Ford Rangers look great in blue and they look great in black. I'd get a black one and then I'd put

a fusion car system in it. Okay, Jonah. He's got taste. Calm down. Calm down, Jonah. He's got taste. Just beside you shopping down, Jonah. He's got taste. Just beside you shopping

is two 12-inch subs. Yeah. That's hot, man. Imagine the cops and they've got the window down and they've got their cop arms out. Yeah. With their tight sleeves.

Yeah, pull up alongside you. Hot stuff. It's hot stuff. I commit a crime to being pulled over. And number one on the list of the top six reasons police should have been driving Ford Rangers all along their similarities.

Both Ford Rangers and the police will mount a curb to get around traffic that they don't want to sit in. Yeah. Well, just getting out of the supermarket can be a bit easy because you go right over the garden. Yeah. You know, you don't have to go around. I go over the garden in the chimney.

He does. He does go through things. I go over the garden in the chimney. He does. He does go through things. I go through things because it's light, it's nimble, it's a cute little four-wheel drive. Yeah, one day you're going to flip it. It's quite sick, quite high. Yeah, I don't know. Yeah.

Anyway. What do you love? A big grunty black Ford Ranger. You can dream. With some semi-wheels on it. We can dream. Yeah, we can dream a wild track. That's the next top six.

Play. ZM's Fletchvorn and Hayley. Apparently this is the first time this has been looked into. Classic when it comes to women's health. Okay. Tampons. The first time there's been a study. No.

No. No. No. No. The first time there's been a study into the toxic metal content of tampons. Pantera. We're talking metal. Chinese metal. No, we're talking lead, arsenic and cadmium. Cadmium.

Cadmium? That's in batteries. Yeah, man. I only put in a double A up there. That's in batteries, not fannies. Yeah. This is a world first study that looked at this A up there. That's in batteries, not fannies. Yeah. This is a world first study that's looked at this. AppCow is TV remotes, not ladies' bits. Exactly.

University of California, California, did a study, looked at 30 tampons from 14 different brands worldwide. Okay. And assessed the levels of various metals present in the tampons. In every brand, there were high levels of these metals. Oh, wow. That's not good. That you were then putting into your body.

They are suspecting that it's happening during manufacturing of the Tammys. Also suggesting that the cotton, the material that they use for it, could be absorbing metals from water, air, soil, or nearby contamination in the actual cotton fields. Right, because that was my question. How does it get into the product? So it's either during the making of the thing or the growing of the cotton.

Now they're looking into what it means if you put this metal-y tampy in your fadge. Okay, great, yeah. And that's TBC, but that doesn't feel good. No, it doesn't sound like that's a good thing at all. Now, I've long since turned my back on the tampon. Got no time for that. I'm all about the undies, period undies.

I always keep some tampons on hand in case I'm shot. You've always got that one in the handbag. With a larger calibre. Don't hunters take them in case they get shot. You've always got that one in the handbag. With a larger calibre. Don't hunters take them in case they get shot? They're incredibly absorbent. Yeah. That's what they do.

Didn't someone say that's not a thing? I've played enough video games to know it's a thing. I wouldn't be shoving a tampon in my bullet hole. Well, not with these high levels of arm.

I've got a range of tampons too. Little ones, big ones. Because I don't know what kind of bullet I'm going to get hit by. Do you know what's funny?

So many men think that when you get super tampons, it means you've got a big old vagina. It's not. You've got a heavier flow. It just absorbs more.

It's got nothing to do with the size of your fanny. So they're all the same size. Some of them are slim to insert with ease. You're on a arrest. I'd arrest my case. No, but... Super tampons are for big fannies. Your Honour, I rest my case. No, but...

Super tampons are for big fannies. The bigger tampon would fit in any pair. It is not a marker of a loose lady. Oh, heavens no. Do you think that tampons have declined in sales because of... With all the carps, the moon carps, the period undies, the free bleed? If I was period undies, if I was a menstruator, it'd be period undies for me.

It's the best. I can't believe that this wasn't a thing earlier. You just change the type of undies you wear. Yeah. Et voila. And it's good. It feels good to bleed. It does.

Rather than the tampon. No, no, no, no. Not for me. Sales are only increasing. In tampons. In tampons, no, no, not for me. Sales are only increasing. In tampons. In tampons, yeah. And do you know what? People are flushing them down your toilets.

Don't. They are. Don't. This is why you've got to have, if you are a male-dominated house, this is why you have to have a bin in your bathroom. Otherwise, we've got no choice. Yeah, that's why I've got that one with the sensor for my guests. He does.

And that lady comes by and empties it And that lady comes by and he gives it. Yeah, the lady comes by. For all your female friends, one of whom doesn't mean straight, for all the women that flood to your house, he actually gets one of those sort of,

what are they? Reticule or whatever. Reticule or whatever. Yeah. Tampon things. And the only thing I hate when I go to your house and use it

is that you can hear it. It's full of shit. I don't have a bin though. I've never menstruated at your house. Thank you. But women would have. They're flushing them down your toilet. No, not it.

It's terrible. You could have a huge bill on your hands. I need a little sign in mine. I'm on a very technical greywater system. I can't be having tampons flushed. You're like a cafe. You're like one of those Airbnbs. Don't flush anything down our toilet.

Other than toilet paper. Peas, poo and paper. Yeah. Pee, poo and paper. Period stuff. Peas, poos, paper and ponds. What about actual peas, the vegetable? Yeah, that's okay. What about paper as in actual peas, the vegetable? Yeah, that's okay

What about paper as in like an A4 sheet? No, preferably not heavily treated paper You might have to be more Because paper's technically cardboard as well What am I, putting a box down there? Am I folding up a box and flushing it down your toilet? You might have to be more specific with your sign Yeah

I think PracMedNZ says It's a myth of the tactical tampon for gunshot wounds Don't use tamps for gunshot wounds. See, I told you it's not a thing anymore. And good morning to our hunting listeners. Good morning. Good morning.

Don't put a tampon in your bullet hole. Play ZN's Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley. When I was in Italy recently. There we go. There's another one. There's another one. We need a different sounding bell. Do you know what?

The Italy bell. Oh, do you know what? I actually bought in Italy an antique bell that was the bell to a monastery. Do you know what? The Italy bell. Oh, do you know, I actually bought in Italy an antique bell that was the bell to a monastery and you turn it from the... Like a doorbell. 18th century.

Oh, yeah. And it goes... Oh, it's amazing. Oh. I could bring that in as the... The Italy bell. The overseas travel bell. Do you know what?

It's been so long since I've been in a country that doesn't speak English as its main language that I was like, I felt so paralysed by it a lot of the time. I forgot and I didn't even think to like look into learning some. I just was like, oh, and then

I forgot that you should do that. And I found it so hard, especially because I was in this little village where it's not like you're in Rome and everyone just speaks English anyway, so it's fine. I was in this village where they just didn not like you're in Rome and everyone just speaks English anyway, so it's fine. I was in this village where they just didn't understand. So then I just couldn't have things. But you were with your parents.

They must know a little bit. My mum's pretty good. She's definitely taken time to learn it and she's done lessons and she went to Italian language school and all this kind of shit. Because you know I'm level 400 Duolingo. Yeah, well, speak some Spanish.

Well, you couldn't ever say that in Mexican town before. I'm not up to that in Duolingo, am I? Yeah speak some Spanish. You couldn't even laugh. I would say that Mexican town before. Yeah, but I'm not up to that in Duolingo, am I? Yeah, but Vaughn could say it. Yeah, but I've taken a pause from my Duolingo. Say something else other than hola. Hola. Okay, cerveza. What's that?

Cerveza. Okay, this is perfect because there's a study, there's a group called Chatterbox, and they look at languages, a study about what people bother to learn before they go overseas. Like the most common phrases that people are confident in being able to say in at least like three languages. Hello.

Yep. Thank you. Thank you. Excuse me. Oh, excuse me as in like. Like excuse me or excuse me. Wow. Whatever.

Or like, yeah, can I get your attention? Which is usually what you'd say. You'd say, excuse me or excuse moi or whatever. Or like, yeah, can I get your attention? Which is usually what you'd say. You'd say, excuse me, how much is this? What about toilets, like baños in Spanish? Like, where's the toilet? Where is the toilet is the fourth one. Yep. So, hello.

The check. Thank you. Excuse me. No, not that. La cuenta. Cuánto cost? The fifth one is, can I have a beer? Cerveza.

Right? Yeah. Yeah. Ordering alcoholic beverages, that's the main thing. What about numbers? No, because you just do hands. Yeah, true, of course. I want three of that in point. I'm just trying to list of how

to say beer in other languages. Where do you want to go? I would like to go to Thailand. Thai's quite a difficult language. What's that? Where do you want to go? I would like to go to Thailand. Thailand. Thai's quite a difficult language. What's that? Changi. No, that's Changi, yeah.

Changi's the beer. Beer. B-I-A. Beer. Beer. Well, that's easy. That's easy. What if I wanted to go to Kazakhstan?

Are they going to serve a lady a beer? Oh, yeah, Kazakhstan. Oh, I don't know. Nah, it's got those Russian bits. Oh, give it a go. Give it a go. Give it a go. We're always giving languages a go on the show.

It's got C and then like a B, but the B's real small. And then an I without a dot and then a P-A. Well, then save it. So give it a go. Come on. Okay, here we go. My wife. Cancelled. Am I cancelled? I like a beer. Okay, here we go. My wife. Canceled.

Am I cancelled? I like a beer. Pronunciation. It says that that's also the word for cheese. Oh, yum. I'll have cheese with my beer. I'll have cheese and beer. Absolutely.

Keep it coming. Keep it coming. Is this a Google? Are you going to make it say it? That's what I was just going to. No, I just found a list. A brewery printed how to ask for a beer in all these other countries. Yeah, but surely this brewery is not going to put Kazakhstan on the list.

Side note, can you get the pronunciation of how to say beer in Kazakhstan? Side note, as part of the study, people admitted to focusing on learning the first half of phrases and rest assuring that they could finish it in English. And I did so much of that. We went to France and I should know French. I learned it for six years. And I was like, excusez-moi, je voudrais that dress.

So half the sentence. Ou est le... Swimming pool. Shopping mall. Si vous plaît. So everyone just goes like, ah, if you give it a go at the start, Ue le swimming pool. Shopping mall. Sivu play. So everyone just goes like, ah, if you give it a go at the start, usually you can kind of then describe the topic.

The French, though, they're not forgiving. You know, out of anyone when it comes to trying their language. They say the main thing is like you've got to give it a go. You've got to at least acknowledge that you are trying. They say the same in Greece. Greece people, Greek people are very proud of their language and all they want to hear is you saying at least one word or two to go. I'm not just going, hi, hi, can we have a table for four, please? Yeah.

And they're like, we're here. You should know how to speak our language. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We're here. Yeah. Keeping your economy alive with our tourism. And I would like that. Where's your toilet?

Where's your toilet? Where's your toilet? Where's your toilet? Because of all this beer. Is that yours? Yeah, I don't know. I need to get way too much time in this break just trying to figure out how to ask for a beer in Kazakh.

17 past seven. Stranger Things. That's coming. Season five. They're all full adults now. I assume this is going to be following them as fully grown. I think they've got grandchildren.

They're married. At least one of them's married. Play ZM's Fletch Vaughan and Hayley. That was a mix. That was a DJ mix. Smooth mix. DJ! That was my DJ in the house.

C.F. DJ in the house. I was like, what's happening? What's happening? What's happening? Stranger Things. That's all, folks. She's like 30 now and married.

Millie Bobby Brown. GOV. Is turning 20. She was 10 years old when she started working on Stranger Things, the first season. We're going to get season five of Stranger Things. Yesterday, it was all teasy drops and first looks at Vecna and all of this rad stuff. But they didn't announce that they were going to do a drop.

No. They just went like, boop. It just happened. Then everyone got very excited. Have they finished filming? I don't know. I don't know. We're not in the filming.

Boys, you can kind of go, right, we'll tape the boobs down and we'll cute you up, you know what I mean, and blur out your cheeks and give you a bit of blush and stuff. But the boys start to grow deep voices. Lucas, especially on the show, has gone from this like, hi, I'm Hitch, how are you going to go? Now he's like, right down here. So what was announced, kind of what was teased, what was dropped?

First look at Vecna, the fact that a New Zealander's gonna be in it, a 12-year-old called Nell. Nell Fisher. Nell Fisher's gonna be in it. How exciting for us. We love it when one of our, you know, one of our very own. Born in the UK and only 12 years old, but we're like, Wait, is she half Kiwi or something?

Or does she live here? I think she moved here because she's there. I looked on her IMVB. She's done Evil Dead Rises, which was filmed in New Zealand. Mostly New Zealand. She enjoys the esteemed ranks of a guest appearance on My Life is Murder with Lucy Lawless. And our very own Hayley Sproul. Hayley Sproul.

Wow. Catch me. Catch me on the show. Catch me. Catch all 20 seconds. Why aren't you on Stranger Things Season 5? I actually must have missed the audition notice. You must me. Catch all 26 of us. You're on Stranger Things season five. I actually must have missed the audition notice. You must have.

You must have, yeah. Especially because I got such a great American accent that I've been working on for so long. Do you know what I mean? That's very good. Oh my God, we've got to get to Vector. Where is he? Go to the factory.

Save yourselves, kids. Save yourselves. There's no time for me. Are you playing like a mom character? Look, you know I'm hating aging, but I'm not dumb enough to think that I'm one of the kids. They're all aging all these kids down. They're going to have to age you up something rotten

for you to play a mother. Thank you, darling. That's good. But I know you've got the acting chops. I sure do. I know you've got the acting chops to play. We've got to kill these aliens dead where they stand. They're not aliens.

They're not aliens. Obviously you haven't seen the show. We've got to kill these aliens dead where they stand. They're not aliens. They're not aliens. Obviously you haven't seen the show Stranger Things. We're going to go down in the Down Under land. We're going to go upside down. My daughter, August, huge Stranger Things fan.

Yes, she is. She loves it. She's so excited about this. She came out yesterday. She's like, guess what this noise is? Wouldn't show me what was on her screen

when I was playing it. And I was like, Vecna? And she's like, did you see that? And then we heard this big nerd out over Stranger Things, which she's absolutely, you know, that? And then we had this big nerd out over Stranger Things, which she's absolutely, you know, pumped for.

I hope there's some more Metallica this season. Well, that's what got her into Metallica. Yeah. This is her introduction to old music has been, because it's set in the 80s. Stranger Things, yeah. The Clash, Should I Stay or Should I Go? Run for the Hill.

Yeah, Kate Bush running up that hill. I mean, that was the introduction to everybody for a bit of Kate Bush, wasn't it? Gosh, we played her a lot last year, didn't we? And then there's another old, like, it's a real, oh, Pass the Dutchie to the Left. Pass the Dutchie to the Left. Because they play it when they're in the van with the stoners.

And I'm like, as long as you don't know what it means. When have they said season five's coming? I still don't think they've put an exact date on it. Producer Jaron has just informed us, I believe, they're halfway through filming season five. Okay, so yeah, so we're going to... It'll be a two-part split and it'll be... Because like Severance, right?

We've got that Severance update, 2025, January 2025. Oh, that Severance was so good. Six miserable months to wait. And that was what, three years ago? Yeah, man. Was it? No. No, not quite. I've good. Six miserable months to wait. And that was what, three years ago? Yeah, man. Was it? No. No, not quite.

I've only been here two and a half. It was two years ago. Tops. Start of 2023? No. Start of 2022. Two. Start of 2022.

It was February 1st episode, but it was 18th of Feb 2022. Year and a half ago, yeah. And so it will be three years by the time it's started next year. For God's sake. Great show. One of the best. I've actually been watching, because I didn't watch anything while I was on holiday,

wherever I may have been. In? Italy! She keeps going on about it. Write that down. Quanto costa? That's me shopping. Yeah, quanto costa? I's me shopping. Hey, cuanto costa?

I've been watching quite a bit. I watched The Man with a Thousand Kids. There was another documentary that was about a serial, that was the doctor that impregnated IVF patients with his own sperm. With his own sperm. This guy's just a serial donator, right? He was a donator,

and then he went through all these different places and all these different countries. He's a travel blogger and he's got long blonde hair and all the women were like, hell yeah, that's great. But doesn't he also have a genetic condition?

Thousands of kids. No, just spoilers. Thousands of kids worldwide. And then, so now they're looking into the psychological effects on the children as they grow up

knowing that they're one of thousands of siblings. A modern day Genghis Khan, if you will. Yeah. And then one of the mothers, you know, talking about their toddler, but they've got to start forward thinking about this thing. This isn't a spoiler. One of them was like, I'm going to have to, they're

trying to create a log of all of the kids that he fathered. And as they grow up, they'll have access to this log. So then when they hook up with someone, they can be like, got to check my log. Oh. Isn't that because otherwise they're going to be sleeping with their half-brother. So where is this documentary? Netflix.

Half-brother, no, no. Stepbrother, two thumbs up. Help me, I'm stuck in the washing machine. Only if he's stuck in the washing machine. Yeah, that's right. If he's stuck in the washing machine. Or she. Anyone can be stuck in the washing machine, Gordon.

I also, I'm a bit predictable because I've just been working through Netflix again. I've been watching the Dallas Cowboys. Shia's been watching that and I've been catching bits and pieces of it. I was like, man, how much money do they earn? She's like, part-time. They've all got other jobs. One of them's like a special needs.

She looks after special needs children and then she goes and dances with the Dallas Cowboys. So this is about the Dallas Cowboys cheerleaders. Probably the most famous cheer squad in the world, right? Yeah. And then I also watch Worst Roommate Ever, which is about roommates that murder their roommates.

That's pretty bad roommates. Yeah, bad roommates. Dishes on the ground. No, no, no, murder. Not paying their bills. Murdering them. Eating your food in the fridge. No, no, chopping you into pieces.

Oh, don't watch that. Sounds like a downer. Play ZM's Fletch Vornanale. Play ZM. Now, Producer Shannon, I've never said a bad word about you other than you are binges. I've said quite a few. You know when we go for coffee, it's just the three of us sometimes.

We just rip into the producers, don't we? Yesterday you made a joke about me, though. What did I make? What did we say? You said that I wasn't good. Oh, we did make a joke about a joke. Oh, no, we did. What was that? You said that people who came from my past station were all bad

and that I was a bad producer. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. I just said, oh, no, didn't we have a real rough last hire from that station? For well knowing you were the last, I was Joshua Brown. Yeah, I knew it was a joke but it hurt a little. Oh my God. Sometimes I forget. Gen Z's.

Yeah. Oh, she is Gen Z. I'm a bit soft. Put a line in the sand where you weren't allowed to smack your kids anymore. I want to destroy your own conclusion.

Should we smack Shannon? She might like it. Her eyebrows just raised as she looked me in the eye. Now, so what happened yesterday? So I live in an apartment and to do the bins

you have to go down the elevator so you know, you go up and down quite a bit. How good would a chute be? I was going to say, do you know the bin chute?

I know my friend that lives in Melbourne has a chute. You don't have a chute, do you? In that massive apartment building that Sade's dad used to have there was a chute.

There was a chute. Why don't you create a chute? Drill a hole. I don't think you can start a chute. Do one of those external chutes. You know when construction companies are building and they do an out? The buckets, the buckets, the buckets.

The big chutes right down to the base. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. This is a great idea. Or just chuck stuff off the balcony. No! Oh, she lives in central Auckland. Yeah. She doesn't have a chute.

She's got to use her legs. Yeah, so you have to go in the elevator. And if I'm going to like the real world, I'll, you know, wear real clothes. But if I'm just going to the bin room, I'll just wear like PJs and slides. Like, you know, you're just going down an elevator to a bin room and then back up to your apartment.

So I went down in PJs and my grimace purple fluffy Crocs. I see those McDonald's in the Crocs. Yeah, they gave us them and they were a lovely gift. And I see them every now and then in the laundry at home and I crack up laughing. They're the best. They're so comfortable and they're perfect for a bin room run. Yeah.

Because they're soft and they're quick. So I get in the elevator and there's a couple in there and they both look me up and down. You know, like a full, like, bitchy look up and down. Oh, bitchy. Down the nose, right back up. Clock eyes with my crocs and then start speaking in a foreign language. Oh, no. To each other. Wow.

And fast and laughing. Do you want to do a quick impression of the foreign language now? My laugh. The only acceptable impression of a foreign language. It did feel, yeah, like Eastern European. Oh, okay. The only acceptable The only acceptable Version of a foreign language They were from Kazakhstan Yeah like

Eastern European Oh okay It was Eastern European Yeah I was going to say Because if they were of Like Southeast Asian I think they would have

Really been like Loving the crops No no no It was yeah like An Eastern European And I could very easily Tell they were making fun of me Do you know

I always think this When Because I love Thailand And whenever you go to Thailand, they rub your feet and they talk the whole time. And it motivated me. I was like, I want to learn Thai because I love this country. I want to keep coming here. If I learn it, then I'll just like respond to them in Thai.

And they'll be like, I know what you said. They'll say, God, this chick's manky. No, to be fair, I have definitely, you know when you get a pedicure? Yes. Usually done, if you get it in the mall by someone of Asian descent, I've had people, like a tiny little woman working on my feet and then her say like,

like make that, like follow the intonation of like, oh my God. And then another friend from the shop come over and like look at my feet and go, oh my God. And then another friend from the shop come over and like, look at my feet and go. They were definitely talking about you. 100% I knew it. I had a friend that could speak like multiple languages and caught people talking about him and then called them out. I think I didn't need to know the language. I knew what they were saying.

It was about the Crocs. It was about the Crocs. Yeah. And I think the PJs as well. Also for context, this was at like maybe 1230. It was about the crocs. It was about the crocs. Yeah, and I think the PJs as well. Also, for context, this was at like maybe 12.30. It was like midday and I was in PJs. You're allowed to be. Because you were going.

You went straight home from work and got in your PJs. Oh, yeah, I don't wear. It's 6pm. Yeah, I don't wear like middle clothes. You don't put on a third outfit. Yeah, no, why would I wear an outfit? It's PJ time. So, but yeah, I think for them,

it would have looked like I just woke up. Yeah. Crawled out of bed and did the bins. I'm like, no, I've worked them, it would have looked like I just woke up, crawled out of bed and did the bins. I'm like, no, I've worked. I've deserved to be in my crocs. I think we should get some messages in because I think, particularly women, but maybe I'm wrong, I think this happens all the time.

What, you're saying women are bitchy? Oh, kids, come on. Don't be so hard on yourself. That's just a new thought I've had. Hayley, you just... Oh, Hayley. That's just an idea That I singularly Thought up

What about those women That publicly seem to be Women supporting women But behind closed doors You know they're doing Anything but And some women They leave out

Some women they leave out Yeah yeah yeah They're all about inclusion Feminism They're rising tired Rises all boats Doesn't feel nice To be left out

But then they leave People out That's interesting Despite being a woman Despite being a woman I want to know When did you know Someone was talking about you? Could be in the same language.

Okay. Like they're muttering under their breath. Maybe it's like a retail worker or something. You could be being paranoid. No, no, no. When someone comes up to your feet and goes, and then someone else comes over for a nosey and goes, they're talking about you.

It's not paranoia. They are, 100%. Okay, 0800DARLS at M. We want to take your calls now. You can text through 9696. When could you tell that someone was absolutely talking about you? Right now, though, Shannon is convinced that some Ukrainian or Russian people were talking about her yesterday.

In the lift. Yeah. I mean, she was wearing purple Grimace Crocs. Yeah. A McDonald's Crocs collab. Yeah. We all received a pair. And she was wearing pyjamas at 12.30.

So, yes, they were definitely talking about her. We want to know when you were certain that someone was talking about you. Kim, when were you certain someone was talking about you? I was working in another country as a nurse and we were trying to do a blood test on a little boy. Can I just stop? Cam, are you a child nurse?

You barely sound old enough to have left the country around supervised. Or Kim Crossman, who also has a sweet young voice. Yeah, maybe it's a Kim thing. Yeah, so I am old enough to be a pediatric nurse. Oh, wow. Thank you for your service. Thank you very much for your service.

So you're overseas? Yeah, and I was trying to do a blood test on a little boy. And when little kids get really upset, they can sometimes get really sweaty, and it's really hard to actually hold on to them to get the blood out. Slippery little things. I also do that as well. Yeah, I become slippery. And he was sitting with his mum and his grandma and they were Portuguese and the grandma was getting really angry and she was speaking

really like fast in Portuguese and I was like, she's definitely talking about me. But our play specialist was Portuguese. So she said something really abruptly and then our play specialist said something like very stern back to her and we did it. We managed to get the blood. We went out of the room and the play specialist was like, she called you the C-bomb. Oh, shit! But you were just doing your job.

Yeah, and the child was screaming. If anything, it was the slippery kid that's the C-bomb. It's the slippery sweaty kid. They call you a B, but not a seabob. I've got how to say it in Portuguese. Am I allowed to say that? I don't know if the broadcasting standards are only for English. You can say it to us off air.

It's one of the little tricks just for the three of us. Oh, Carwen's saying don't say it. No, I won't say it. Because she'd be the one that got fired if you said it. Okay, go. Go, go, go. Oh, heck, come on. Wow.

Sorry to hear that. This doesn't sound like a saying. You don't deserve that, Kim. You were just doing your job. I thought it was quite funny because I was like, she had no idea because she looked shocked

when the Portuguese place specialist replied to her. Yeah. What did the person say when they replied to her? No need for that. Stop that language.

I think she said, don't speak like that or something. Yeah, good. Have some manners. What country were you in? I was in the UK. Oh, in the UK.

Oh, right. I think you might have been like in Brazil. Yeah, I was about to say, oh, are you listening dumb dumb Portugal? But where are you? Or Brazil.

Or Brazil, to be fair. Did it still sound a little bit sexy? No. Oh, okay. You've just got a little bit sexy? No. You've just got a Portuguese-Brazilian Yeah. Vaughn likes to be neat. Even when

Sofia Vergara was angry on Modern Family Well, that was Spanish. Vaughn loves to be neat and he loves the brown girls. This is perfect. Thank you, Kim. Stephen, good morning. Now, you and your brother caught people talking about you. Yeah, so I was with my wife's family.

We were flying to South Africa. They're South African. Sorry to hear. We were landing in Jobi. This is one of Jared's people that did this. Jared's people. Jared's Zambibian. Zambibian.

Responsible for the... Close enough. Close enough. You can chuck them all in one basket. Oh! I don't think you chuck people all in one basket. Although that is the end of apartheid. So I will say Stephen's right there

because there used to be two baskets. Exactly. Now there's one basket. I'll put them all in one basket. Okay. I'll have Jared ready to stand by to apologise on behalf of his people soon. Okay.

And I want it in a thick Afrikaans accent as well. Yes. Every now and then it does slip out of Jared, so he'll warm it up. Okay. So what did you catch him saying? We were landing in Joburg, which is not the best place to land in before we transferred out. Yep. But I was sitting next to my brother-in-law and he speaks Afrikaans

normally, but he's been in New Zealand since he was two, so he's got a very I guess clear Kiwi accent as well. Yep. And we were just finished up mealtime and now Fletch, I don't want to hear a thing about the etiquette after a meal, but we did recline. Oh, on a long flight,

you're allowed to, but not immediately. Once you've collected the trays, Stephen, you can recline after the collection of trays. I hate that. Fill your guts and then lean back on me. Yum. Okay. Listen, they were slow eaters.

They were faffing about. It's a long flight. I'm watching Mr. Impostable 75. I'm not having a bar of it. Okay. So we reclined back and they started to speak behind us saying how soon as we land in Joburg, they're going to beat us up.

They're going to take us around the corner of the airport. They're going to take us around. They're going to sort us out. And we're sitting there and he's translating to me secretly because we're speaking in English, obviously, and they're just plotting out this whole thing. It was actually quite intense.

And then finally as the plane lands, obviously the bing bong goes and everyone gets up too early. So we stood up straight away and then he turns around and Afrikaans goes, I don't think that's a good idea. I've got my cousins

all picking us up. If you want to do this, you're more than welcome, but I wouldn't. And then they sat down and saw Carl and said, please. Oh my God.

Welcome to San Francisco. That's amazing. I wouldn't do that if I were you. Remember me, Mr. Sweety Man? Let's go to the car park. Where I'm driving a lovely big youth. Producer Jared, would you like to apologise? On behalf of my people, man, I'm so very sorry.

What? You're my kind of my people man i'm so very sorry that's crazy that's actually crazy uh stephen thank you some messages thank you jared thank you jared as well when you knew people were talking about you my mum's sister sister and I were in Thailand getting a full body massage separated by curtains between us. When we all rolled onto our backs to do the front, we were all exposed and all the ladies started talking in Thai. And I just said, my masseuse stopped for a bit

and they were all talking to each other. I opened my eyes and she was getting a peek through the curtain to have a look at my sister. They were definitely talking about how big my sister's boobies were and they should all have a little quick look. Oh, so they rolled over and her masseuse would have been like, oh my God, look at the tits They were definitely talking about how big my sister's boobies were and they should all have a little quick look. Oh, so they rolled over and her masseuse would have been like, oh my God, look at the tits on this one.

Yeah. And then the other one paused to be like, whoo, mama. Can you apologise for that as well, please? In a thick Thai accent, please. No. Put his mic down. I'm going to get Sade on the phone.

Get Sade on the phone. She can apologise. Get Sade, yeah. She can apologise in a thick Thai accent. Well, you can probably apologise. Your kids are part Thai. Thai Chinese, they are. Yeah.

Well, okay, shall I do the accent? Yeah. No. No. Play. ZM's Fletch Vaughan and Hayley. I'm travelling. I was going to say gravelling.

I'm travelling to Christchurch this weekend to perform my show Wild Flutters at the piano on Friday and Saturday night. Sold out. Sold out. No tickets. No tickies. Now, um...

Have you thought about doing a matinee? It's not a matinee show, and you know this. It would be a weird show to walk out of and be like, oh, Jesus, it's still daylight. Oh, my God. Don't look at me. Don't look at each other in the eye. I'm going to go to the nap.

What about a late one after? We'll just do another weekend sometime. Yeah. I thought about adding a second show. I know, but it's sort of too late now anyway. It's Wednesday. Tough Bickies, I reckon I'll just say. Sure.

Tough Bickies. And I am coming down south later in the year. Okay. Anyway, I'm going down and I've got to travel my keyboard. And it's really important that the keyboard is travelled safe because I've got lots of sound cues in it. I use it like a computer and an instrument. Very, I'm very talented, very smart.

This is a great show. Fred nominee. Didn't win though. And the case I've been travelling in has not been good enough and it actually arrived back in Auckland last time from Wellington damaged. And because I'm using a soft case because the hard cases are so heavy. It turns my 14 kg thing into a 33kg thing to carry around. Oh, and that's extra money. Yeah, and then I...

It's always disappointing when you find out the case is most of the weight. The case is most of the weight. Yeah. What's inside is like, oh. It's little. It's little. Once you peel back the case, you're left wanting it. What's left is like, damn, that looked like it was massive.

I know. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And the thing with having this big, massive looked like it was massive. I know. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And the thing with having this big, massive case, because I looked at getting this hard one, because it's the best way to travel, I'm travelling alone. I've got to fly, I've got to carry this thing on my own with a suitcase, then I've got to find an Uber that would fit this thing, get around, you know, it's just a nightmare.

So I found a sort of, I found a semi, a little semi-soft case. Okay. So it's slightly more rigid than the soft one I've been travelling it in, but it's still soft and really light. And then my idea was I'll go get some acoustic foam, because that's what they use in the thing anyway, acoustic foam sheets, and I'll cut it to shape, and I'll put padding under and over, another extra layer.

Oh, yeah. Protection. I feel really good here. And light, because foam's light. Yeah, very light. Famously. Foam is famously light. So then I was really good here. And light. Because foam's light. Yeah, very light. Famously. Famously. Foam is famously light.

So then I was like, where do I get foam from? Google, Google, Google, Google, Google. Right next to the music store. I know where you're going. Para rubber. What? No, you're not going to para rubber. What?

Para rubber. Para rubber. Para rubber. It's not para. It's para rubber. You're giving it Maori vowels but not a Maori R. It's para rubber. Where would you're giving it Maori vowels but not a Maori R. Producers, it's para rubber. Where would you be if it weren't for

para rubber? Where would you be if it weren't for para rubber? You're saying it like parameta. Do you know what? I've literally always called it para rubber. It's been around for years. I remember there was one in New Plymouth growing up for years. Do they still do the jandals? They did the

iconic Kiwi jandals. Yes, the zigzag that jandal. Yeah, yeah, the grip-to-bottom jandal. Last forever. Probably the reason that I don't know how to say it is because it's not a store that Hayley Sproul has frequented. Because they don't have a pool because they do pools. Para pools.

Para pools. We grew up with a para pool. Para pools. And para rubber. Para. Stop saying para. Is it para? Yes.

Actually, that's a real change for me. I'm actually looking at para rubber. Para. Stop saying para. Is it para? Yes. Actually, that's a real change for me. I'm actually looking at para rubber and I think, I need to go to para rubber. There's some rubber mats here that would really. My dude. Okay, so para para tomato tomato. Wait, so how is this all of a sudden your favourite store if they just sell foam?

I walked in there and it was like, who can make the sun rise? Like, it was like walking into a wonderland. Right. There's like reams of different sheets and rubbers and foams. Light. Some stuff for upholstery. Some stuff for seating. Then you get into the hard stuff.

The latex memory foam. There's all these sheets and you can touch it all. Memory foam. And then there's like the bits I got is that acoustic stuff that's like zigzag, like egg carton. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Then when you buy two, they fit perfectly together. Oh, that's like zigzag, like egg carton. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Then when you buy two, they fit perfectly together. Oh, that's great stuff. I said, oh, I need six of them, but I don't think

there's enough here. And she goes, no, no, no, they're here. Just look. Pulls it apart. And then she was like, I think these are the best, but feel free to have a little look around and touch some foams. And I just was in there for so long being like, I like that one. Oh, that's nice.

Let's get high. On Jesus, of course. On Jesus. And go to Para Rubber and feel all the rubbers. Let's pray and then go to Para Rubber. Yeah. Para. Para.

Para. Para Rubber. It is my new favourite store. If you like touch and textiles and just satisfaction, it's like ASMR for the hands, you've got to go to Para Rubber. That's it. for the hands. You've got to go to Para Rubber. That's it. You've done it. I'm learning. Do you think there'll be some

complaints after this from Para Rubber that you've just encouraged people to go in and feel up there? Probably. Probably. Big old classic Reddit thread. When did you realise you were dating an idiot? A lot of people jumping on this And then sharing them on TikTok, Instagram and Bebo

Here's some examples They put shrimp in my food To see if I'm really allergic to seafood Or just being dramatic Anaphylaxis occurred EpiPen deployed Ambulance trip The hospital actually suggested I press charges Yeah That's terrible anaphylaxis occurred, EpiPen deployed, ambulance trip.

The hospital actually suggested I press charges. Yeah. Yeah. That's terrible. Why did he ever admit it? That's something you're like, oh, this is terrible. We simply must find out

who put the shrimp in it. Well, you cooked the dinner. Yeah. Okay, I love this. In my early 20s, I started living with my boyfriend at the time. I got my period

and he demanded to know what I had done with the egg. What? Like she'd laid an egg. He demanded to know where's the egg. What was he going to do with it anyway? I don't know. He genuinely thought that human women

laid eggs when they had a period. Just a smaller version. You're breaking up with him. With a baby inside it? What? Oh my gosh, I've got so many questions. Unfertilised. I thought we were talking about a full-blown idiot here. I have no idea.

A full-blown moron. I knew I was dating an idiot when my partner tried to argue with me about whether or not babies can breathe underwater. Because I guess when they're in the sack. Yeah. I'm still with your idiot there. Yeah. She got a tattoo. Oh no. Yeah, I with your idiot there. Yeah. She got a tattoo.

Oh, no. Yeah, I realise I was dating an idiot when she got a tattoo with her friend with the word angle. Instead of angel. Instead of angel. The list goes on. These are so funny.

I want to know from our listeners when you realised you were dating an idiot. Now, this is going to be people calling up about exes, right? Like, nobody's going to tell us. Nobody's going to tell us a story. Nah, because maybe they're dating an idiot. Now, this is going to be people calling up about exes, right? Like, nobody's going to tell us a story. No, because maybe they're a cute idiot. You know something like a dumb-dumb? You meet a cute idiot and you're like, this guy's, the heart's in the right place.

He'd do anything for anybody. Lovable idiot. But he's an idiot. Yeah. A lovable idiot. Okay, well. You take partners past in prison. Because I was seeing a girl once, not for long,

but I was seeing a girl once and we were watching, but I was seeing a girl once, and we were watching, there was this movie with Al Pacino and Robin Williams in it. Yeah. And it's set in Alaska. Yeah. And it was called Insomnia, I do believe. Oh, wow. And the idea is that Robin Williams is slowly driven crazy

by the fact that the sun never goes down, so he starts committing crimes. And Al Pacino is sent to solve the crimes, but then he starts going crazy because the sun never goes down. Right he starts committing crimes. And Al Pacino is sent to solve the crimes, but then he starts going crazy because the sun never goes down. Because they both suffer from insomnia. And she thought it was a disease you caught when you went to Alaska. Oh, okay, yeah.

And I was like, have you never heard of insomnia before? She's like, well, I've never been to Alaska. And I was like, alright, man is lucky you're hot. And then there was the same girl. We were talking about taking something somewhere in a wheelbarrow. And she just cracked up laughing. And I'm like, what's funny? And she's like, that word you just made up.

What? And I was like, what word? And she said, what was it? You were going to put things in it and take it somewhere. I was like, wheelbarrow. And she's like, crack up word. That's the name horn. How dumb was she?

Apparently a bit dumb. Must have been hot. So hot. Like way too hot for me to have Yeah, right. So you just put up with it? Yeah. It was probably the precursor to Sade. Then when I was like, we've had that hot dumb idiot. It's about time I got a hot brainiac. Yeah, great. Just digging myself

out of a hole here. If you all would be with me for just a moment. I know it's not school time but hot, a hot brainiac. Yeah, great. Just digging myself out of a hole here. Yeah. If you'll all be with me for just a moment. Danger, danger. I know it's not school time, but there is a danger she is. So I was like, I think now that I've had a hot idiot,

I should have a hot brainiac. Intellect. Smart intellect. Yeah. With a booty to boot. Okay, 0800-DARLZM, 9696.

Text in and call now. We want to know when you realised you were dating an idiot. We've got some bloody rocks in our heads. On our hands here because I love this.

A lot of idiots. We want to know when you realised you were dating an idiot. And a lot of you have had this realisation. Some great messages coming in.

Oh God. Yes, yes, yes. Okay, I realised I was dating an idiot when he boiled crumbed fish and was like, oh, all the bloody

crumbs falling off. But there's more. He also asked me when I'm on my period, why doesn't the tampon fall out when I go wheeze? Oh, that, do you know what?

I've heard that before. Not to me, but I've heard men ask that question. Different holes. Kings, my kings. So how do you wee when it's plugged up? Two holes. We've got three of them down there. At least.

Oh, gosh. Good stuff, good stuff. It's blocked up. I wouldn't say I'm married to an idiot, but I'm married to a special kind of lady. Oh, yeah. When I had a whelp from the kitchen and I ran in there as quick as I could and she'd closed the fridge door on her own head.

Oh, darling. So she's peeping in the fridge. Somebody asked... Nothing here. The story I told before, what did she think a wheelbarrow was called? We found a wheelbarrow and showed her. She'd just never seen one before.

This is a girl that you were seeing. In Hamilton, yeah. New to her. Yeah. Gosh, yeah, she was... I wonder what she's up to now. I'm not even going to look. I'm not even going to look.

I'm not going to look. I'm not going to look. Look. I knew I was dating an idiot when he messaged me saying, God, I think I've got the flu. F-L-E-W. As in the act of flying. Do you know, I've been doing this recently, describing something as sore.

I've got a sore finger. I've got a sore finger. And going to write S-A-W and be like, that's wrong. Ah, yeah. S-O-R-E. Yeah, bloody English language, eh? I realised I was adding an idiot when my partner, doesn't say ex, current partner, asked me why we don't mash the potatoes first

to get that out of the way before fucking peeling them. I mean, give it a go, hon. Give it a go. You're going to destroy some blenders. That boy's going to destroy some blenders. Someone thought that 9-11 and the Holocaust were the same event. Now that's just bad. Now we're talking 60 years apart?

Now we're talking, you dumb. 60 years apart? Now we're talking. You dumb. 60 years apart? You dumb. You dumb. Just reading some text messages. Yeah, hang on. I knew when she turned up in my face. No, I can't read that.

It's too, it's too, it's, yeah, it's naughty. My fiance is the smartest person I know. However, a couple of years ago, I mentioned I love seeing the moon during the day and he looked at me completely perplexed. And he said, I've never seen the moon during the day.

I don't believe you have either. The moon only comes out at night. Now every time I see the moon during the day, I'm like, would you look who's here? Oh my God. Just send a photo. Look over there. What have we here?

The moon. Well, some people think the full moon makes a big difference. It's the same moon month round. It's just how much light's being reflected off it by the sun. No, the moon gets bigger and smaller. It inflates. It slithers. Yeah, it slithers and it inflates.

Yeah, it was breathing. I knew I was dating an idiot when he tried to convince me that if you eat too many calories, just really concentrate on pooing them out. And that way you can eat without gaining weight. Yeah, man, that's how it works. No, that's not. That's just someone with a killer metabolism, I'd say.

Yeah. My wife thought the saying... Not... My wife thought that the saying making Ian's meat was making Ian's meat. Like a man called Ian. meat was making Ian's meat. Like a man called Ian. Yeah, making him some meat. Making him some bristles or something.

Yeah, okay. My ex, when we were at a vineyard, I was picking grapes off the vine. And I was like, oh, they don't taste like ordinary grapes. And he's like, Jesus, careful. Those are alcoholic grapes. Oh, my God. Did you read? Have you read Coats and Shades?

Oh, no, I haven't yet. I haven't yet. You're saving it. It's the best. I'm saving it up. It's pretty good. It's pretty good. I was dating an idiot when my now ex-husband, when we were at uni,

got a credit card but didn't believe the credit limit meant you couldn't spend more than that limit. So he got a credit card and then went to buy a $4,000 laptop on a $1,000 credit card. Oh, yeah, no. And when it declined, he's like, can't be right, it's brand new. Oh, darling. No, no, no.

Idiot. I had the best one. My lovely ex, when I was in my early 20s, I bought her one of those kids kind of waffle makers with fluoro colours. Oh, yeah, the little press things. You put the batter in and then you shut it. She put the whole thing in the stove. In the oven or the stove?

On the stove top. On the stove. Oh, right. And then turned on the element to heat it but melted it, the whole thing. Oh, darling. My husband said he'd been living bicariously through people for quite some time and I said, I beg your pardon. And he said, I've been living bicariously through them. It some time and I said I beg your pardon. And he said I've been living vicariously

through them. It's like it's okay if you have. It's okay if you have and thank you for telling us. Yeah. My work mate said there's no point crying over split milk. Oh no. You've got the eyes in there. My husband, I'm going to go to the one that Hayley referenced. My husband, genuinely

lovely, lovely, lovely man, but he is an idiot. He believed goats were just male versions of sheep. They're different animals. Did you not have the little book? Yeah, they're completely different. Sheep just go bah and goats go ma. Yeah.

Do goats go ma? Ma. Sometimes you'll see a goat do an impression of a sheep and go bah. And you're like, clever goat. Yeah. It's just because it, bah, and you're like, clever goat. Yeah. Well, it's just because it's the boy and girl version, isn't it? Yeah.

I'm eight years into my nursing degree and last year I found out what tender means. In a medical sense, like, oh, that's tender? Or like, that's a tender bit? No. That's terrible. I thought the saying may as well, now we're just getting to people owning up to their. No. Yeah. That's terrible. I thought the saying may as well, now we're just getting to people owning up to their own idiots.

Yeah. I thought the saying may as well was Marswell. Marswell. Marswell. Marswell. That's a New Zealand Australian. Marswell. Yeah.

Marswell. My husband has just told me he once took someone on a date. And I'm thinking it might have been Lionstar. Okay. And they got the ribs and they drank the bowl of lemon water. The finger cleaner. I've heard of people who work in restaurants where they sell ribs. People have been like, what was that, a soup?

Yeah. It was very thin. What was the thin lemon soup? Oh, very warm too, like lukewarm. Yeah, kind of odd. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley. It's time for... Wait a minute, I want to do a couple more.

I want to do a couple more of you and your partners. My wife's an engineer, so this is a smart woman. Math. Yeah. And the polystyrene balls have gone all over the floor when we're filling up beanbags. Oh, God, I hate that. She tried to pick them up with a magnet.

Okay. Apparently, we drilled down on how this wasn't working and she said it should. She had static. Yeah, I was going to say static and magnetic. Yeah, okay. She's an engineer. She's an engineer. Oh God, don't build my house. I'm not driving over any bridges today. We should check those bridges.

Keep off the roads, I reckon. My sister didn't know ducks flew. She thought duck shooting season involved just shooting ducks while they were running around on the ground. That's the illegal part of duck shooting. Come here, you bastard. Is that illegal? You're not allowed to shoot them when they're on the ground. That's the illegal part of gun shooting. Come here, you bastard. Is that illegal? You're not allowed to shoot them when they're on the water.

No. Oh, because I was going to see it like a bread trap at the park. Well, a trap is different. No, you've got to get on the run for their money. They've got to have a shot. I worked at McDonald's and a customer once asked me for a Mac and cheese. And I was like, this is McDonald's. And they're like, yes, Mac Donald's.

A McDonald's and cheese place. A McDonald's and cheese. And I was like, this is McDonald's. And they're like, yes, MacDonald's. A McDonald's and cheese place. A McDonald's and cheese. Are you after a cheeseburger? They're like, no, I'm after macaroni and cheese. Maybe they should do a macaroni and cheeseburger. For the vegetarians, a macaroni and cheese. And then

croquette it. Croquette it. Make it like a crumbed patty. Drop it in the deep fryer. And slap it in a steamed bun. With pickles? Pickles and mac and cheese. Oh, my God. I just Googled.

If you're a big boy, you can put a patty on there, too. I just Googled mac and cheese burger. Yeah, I know. I've seen them. There's so many. Let's make them. I've seen some barbecue pages. A lot of them are croquette.

Although, this one here. Croquetted? Croqueted? Croqueted. This is croqueted. You know they're croqueted. Yeah, that's the way they're hit through a hoop on the ground with a stick. Yeah, that's what these are. No, look at this one.

We've got a dum-dum on our hands. This is encased in meat. The mac and cheese is inside the patty. Take me now. Do you know what I mean? Like, take me now. It's time for... Fact of the day, day, day, day, day.

Do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do. Oh, my God. Mac and cheeseburger. This week's Fact of the day theme is- Speaking of food. Speaking of food. This is going to put you off though. Won't put me off that burger though.

Are you bookmarking that for later? Are you saving that for later? Does anyone else have an Instagram save tab and it's just all the recipes they want to try one day? Yes, yes. When they just totally give up? Yeah, yeah. And they're like, yeah,

a thousand calories for one small mouthful. Take whatever. Have your way with me. Diabetes. Type two. They're like, yeah, 1,000 calories for one small mouthful. Whatever. Have your way with me, diabetes. Type 2. There's an important distinction. Oh, he's dropped something. Today's fact of the day about food records is from 2001.

A British man called Ken Edwards broke the world record by eating 36 live cockroaches in 60 seconds. 60 seconds. That's one minute. You'd have to munch them, eh? That's one every two seconds. You'd have to munch them because you wouldn't want this, because I always think, oh, just swallow it whole, swallow it down. But with a live bug, you wouldn't want to do that.

Are they live? Even if they were live. And also, you're thinking your average West Auckland cockroach, which as far as I know, around New Zealand, fairly large cockroach. I've seen them overseas. On the Fiji we saw them and they were ginormous.

On the Fiji. On the Fiji Islands. They were massive. The cockroach you have to eat. 32 of. No, how many did he eat? I've got to go back to that tab. I'm a little bit carried away.

He said 60, didn't he? Yeah, yeah, yeah. He ate 36 live cockroaches in 60 seconds. 60 seconds, okay. The one you have to eat is the famous Madagascan hissing cockroach. That's as long as your fingers. Yeah. It's bigger than a nuggy.

So what, like three inches long? Yuck, yuck, meaty. Yeah, meaty. It's bigger than a nagi. So what, like three inches long? Yuck, yuck, and meaty. Yeah, meaty. It'd be a meaty. It looks like the sort of thing Timon and Pumbaa would be stoked to find under a log. It'd burst. It'd say hakuna matata. Yeah, it'd burst in your mouth.

And then they'd eat them. Yuck. I will say the original animated Lion King made eating bugs look pretty good. Like the slurping and the crunching and the stuff. It made me think I could live on bugs, but that's the protein of the future. I could have the bug flour they make. You know, they make that. Yeah, I've had the crickets.

Cricket flour? Yeah, we've had some deep fried crickets in Southeast Asia. That was fun. Yeah. It's yum. So this is done now. You'll never beat this record because it's eating a live animal. Oh, and it's frowned upon now. That was 2001

when this happened and that's big frowned upon. Okay. Big frowned upon. So 36 live Madagascan Madagascan hissing cockroaches. Yuck. In 60 seconds is the record for today's fact of the day.

Fact of the day, day, day, day, day, day, day. Yeah. ZM's Fletch Vordernaley. Play ZM. End of that song reminds me of when you were a kid and you were listening to a tape and you'd push the tape deck. And it'd go, and you'd squeeze it and it would slow down. And then your tape deck would break and you'd say to Mum and Dad, I need a new tape deck. I don't know what happened.

And they'd be like, for God's sake, you just got that tape deck. Anyway, that was what life was like in the late 80s, early 90s. And he means the 1880s. Uh-huh. So yesterday, I just mentioned before in Tees that I found something in my fridge. Something illegal. Something illegal.

And I don't know if I should report this or not. Oh. But I got a bag of grapes from the supermarket. He loves his grapes, Al Fletch. Love the grapes. My red grapes. Seedless red grapes. I'm green.

Seedless red grapes. I don't mind colour as long as they're seedless. Yeah. Yeah, ain't no time for seeds. There's not enough fruit to warrant working through a seed. It's so tiny for the big seed. Yeah. It's fun when you're out and about and you get a seed.

That little tongue, eh? So I grab a small bunch out of the bag and something drops on the bench. And I'm like, and then it's kind of like tiny, but then I flip it over and it's a ladybug. It's a dead, a dead frozen, it's a frozen, it's a frozen to death ladybug. Where was this supermarket? Where were the grapes from?

Oh, California. Oh, I was like, why are your grapes frozen? You've got to tell the MPI. Well, no, and so I lift out a couple more fall off. A couple more? There were seven big, fat, juicy, cute AF ladybugs. Now, you've got to tell someone. Is that bad?

Yeah, dude. That's terrible. The number seven's also bad. So you are literally cursed. No, I thought seven was good. Seven's good. No, but seven years is the length of a general curse. So then you've got

seven times seven, that's 49. When I hex, I hex for six. Now, Hayley was a witch, so we should listen to her. I literally, on a survey, put Wiccan as my religion in an act of defiance. Well, I put Jedi on mine on the census and that does not make me a force wielder.

You had seven dead ladybirds. That's so sad. That's bad, eh? No, it's not sad. They're done better than they're dead. Do you know like our ladybugs are always real small? Yes, ours are tiny. These were fat, juicy ones.

Those are Californian ladybugs. Yeah. And so I just like- They're the most beautiful in the team. I know, they're so cute. And because they'd been in the fridge for like a couple of days Because they got them

At the weekend They were like dead Because they were obviously like Well I think they were dead I just chucked it out Unless it was like Sleeping It was hibernating

Like Hibernating I don't know California lady beetle I'm looking them up Are they fatter than Our lady beetles Dude

Oh no I thought they said MPI but it was something else. It was IPM. I think the University of California have done a study on that. I'm just bringing it up. How did it get through? Was it like a fatty?

They actually washed. Fatty bombs? It was exactly like, it was real cute. What are you doing? No, that's not cute. That's a pest. Are there pests? So there's seven of them.

That's a pest. Well, someone needs to talk to the supermarket because there was a bag of like seven of them. So this is a supermarket by your house in Auckland? Yeah. Central City Supermarket. I bag of like seven of them. So this is a supermarket by your house in Auckland? Yeah. Central City supermarket. I wonder if anyone else found them. I'm downloading the

Ministry of Primary Industries pest list. Tell someone? Regulated pest list. Someone just text in. What did they say? I work in the industry. You've got to report it to MPI.

But why? It's not why. Status. Okay, so. Actionable pest is in red. What are these called? Californian ladybugs. This is a fun PDF.

Lady beetles. This is a fun PDF, MPI. Our little ones are cute. But we've got them here. But they're a symbol of good luck. It's green. It's not a pest. It is a pest, but it's not like so worrying that it needs to be reported immediately.

Okay. They are so cute, but they are a sign of good luck. And the fact that seven dead ones ended up in New York. No, it's not. They're dead, darling. Lotto. I'm buying Lotto. No, darling.

Tonight, what is it? 17 million tonight? Is it? With my seven ladybugs, I'll win the 17 million and give you the biggest middle finger. No, but you also have to give me a million dollars, remember. We haven't made a new agreement on that. No, it's any time it goes over 15. I was looking at the wrong bug.

I was looking at the wrong bug. I'm going back to the PDF. I'm going back to the PDF. Don't tell me I've got a fridge full of pests. You have to report it. Lady beetle? Sounds wrong. I don't know.

I used to assume it's a lady beetle. You don't want to ring up and be like, I've got some. I've already chucked them out. They went down in sync creator i literally googled them california lady beetle is what it's called okay uh is found as commonly known as california lady beetle this is on i naturalist nz is it a boat is it a pest or not usually spotless can't see anything on that. I'm just sorry. I've turned down.

I'm buying a lot of tickets. This is thrilling. I'm a Fred Award nominated comedian. Okay? As of recently. Yep. And I make a life out of being funny. I've been told I was funny from the day I came out of the womb.

Cracking jokes. Funny wacky faces. Funniest at preschool. Class clown distracting everyone. It's a craft and I've honed it and I've gone funnier and funnier as you can hear. According to me.

Right. Now there was a study that wanted to see how funny AI is now compared to humans. The way they did this they got 105 humans. Now either five more people turned up

or we didn't reach 120. Yeah definitely overbooked. Have an even number. 105 human beings were asked to provide their funniest responses. Now, did they get comedians or just people? Who knows? Funniest responses to a number of prompts and tasks. One of them was to give a funny idea for what STD stands for,

CLAP and COW, what they could, you know, what those acronyms could stand for. Funniest response. Go, give us one. Sexually transmitted diseases. That's not funny. That's also pretty much what it stood for for a long time. Yeah, or standard telephone directory.

Yeah, yeah. Well, you know, I'll warm up. Okay. Now, then they were tasked with a fill in the blank challenge. One of the prompts was, imagine that one of your friends wants your opinion on how well she sings. She sings a minute or two to demonstrate her voice

and you cringe. She might be the worst singer you've ever heard. When she asks, how was it? You decide to be honest. So you say, to be honest, listening to that was like blank. Right. So I would say something hilarious like, listening to that was like blank. Right. So I would say something hilarious like,

listening to that was like listening to the worst singer I've ever heard. That's not funny. That's mean. Well, I'm fresh. Not every joke is going to kill. I've got one open. Okay. You've got AI open.

But that's going to take a long time to type. Do you have a link to the article so I can just copy and paste it in? What about ask it what STD means? Say a funny response for what is STD. I need a funny response. Okay, we'll come back to this. You can do it without saying it out loud, Dad. Then they put, so then they got the humans' responses in,

and then they put them against chat GPT responses, mixed them all up, and then got 200. See, they did. They got a round number to judge it. Yeah. 200 other humans to judge the jokes.

Okay, AI was pretty funny. How about sexually transmitted distress? I just like the idea of you being like anxious and having sex with someone and then all of a sudden

they're like, I don't feel good. It's terrible. You got high again. It's very dark. Maybe something a little less dark. Oh, no, he was not. No, I shouldn't have.

That just feels too real. That's triggering. If we didn't know, they should look into that. AI, anyway, so based on all of this. Silly toe dance. AI outperformed humans 87% of the time. Well, AI has made me laugh twice and you've made me laugh a fat zero so far. Sexually transmitted.

STD, more like stop, tap, tap. Tap, tap. Tap, tap. Stop, comma, tap, tap. Tap, tap. See, that's hilarious. What about stop, tap, dance? Now I'm imagining you stopping somebody and forcing them to tap, dance at gunpoint.

What about sexually transmitted Donuts That's gold Now there's something to build on there Yeah I don't know Well look at the end of this study They found out that AI is funnier Than human beings

Didn't a comedian write their entire And what was the response to that It was like an experiment yeah i think it was funny i think the people said it was funny i think i just used that but no one had any respect for the comedian i asked it for a short i asked it for a short list oh it disappeared lose now no i don't want to i don't want to yeah um sassy turtle disorder sneaky taco date that's cute do you want to go on an std do you want to go on an STD? Stop, STD. Do you want to go on an STD? Do you want to go on an STD?

Do you want an STD? Do you want an STD? A sneaky taco date? Yes. Spontaneous tickle dance. No, it's dumb. You shouldn't spontaneously tickle people. No, that's really rude.

Even if they're a loved one, you could get punched in the face. Yeah. If you don't know them, you certainly should not be tickling them. No. Oh, another one in the bag. It's a Versace bag as well. If you enjoyed that, give us a rating and a review and be sure to tell your mates.

You don't sound sincere there, boy. I'm just reading what's written here.