ZM's Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley - Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley's Big Pod - 17th May 2023

Episode Date: May 16, 2023

Silly Little Poll!  Top 6: Space Flight  Chris Parker  Vaughan at the Posh School  Hayleys New World Encounter  Fact of the Day Day Day Day Daaaaay!See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

The ZM Podcast Network. The Fleece, Fawn and Hayley Big Pod. Thanks to McCafe. Great things are brewing, one cup at a time. Hello, good morning, welcome to the show. Fleece, Fawn and Hayley, two minutes past six. Just doing my groceries, if you don't mind, if I do a bit of life admin.

Doing some online... Online groceries. I can't bring myself to do online shopping. Online groceries. I told you I've been using the Soupy app. Oh yeah, how's that going? So much cheaper. Because yeah, the online shopping

people tend, humanity tends not to share the successful stories of online shopping for groceries, but they'll always share their, this is no because you know if something's run out they'll be like but we've chucked in the alternative. They substitute I don't like that. I like it because it's a bit of a surprise. No.

But it's often not a fitting substitute. No. And I'll get quite often a bit of fruit. So I want to like eye it up. See, I'm getting the right, you know. Yeah. A firm peach maybe. You like to eye it up.

You like to eye up that peach. Because I can spot a flowery apple in a pile of apples. I can spot a flowery apple. Oh, you're good at that, I know. I'm very good at that. So I don't want those. The thing I like about this website, and again, non-spawn, but you can buy like ugly stuff.

I'm all for ugly stuff. Because if you grow your own fruit and veg, it's always ugly. So here's like a bunch of overripe bananas, frozen. A bunch of them, 49 bananas, frozen. A bunch of them. 49 cents. For the whole bunch? But they're frozen. How do you...

If they haven't been peeled, they're a nightmare to peel. Yeah, you've got to like... You're always pre-peeled. Yeah. Good for a cake. And then they go full mush. Good for a cake, though. I'll go non-frozen for $1.50.

Okay. There you go. So good. And then just go straight into a smoothie or a cake. Well, that's good. That's good. Okay. Well, I just thought of something I needed. So good. And then just go straight into a smoothie or a cake. Well, that's good. That's good. Well, I just thought of something I needed. Handy towels.

Also, I love that your examples while we're on air are like bananas, handy towels, where before you were just showing me Turkish delights. Yeah. And lollies. I didn't know they did, you know, like little packs of mini Turkish delights. You know what? You said don't get them. I'm getting them.

Turkish delights. So it's like a box of favourites, but only the ones you want out of the favourites in a packet. Add. Yeah, treat yourself. Add it. Yeah, I deserved it. It's part of my new routine, remember.

Well, you've done five weeks so far. Five weeks of no gym, no diet. Just waiting to see the results. And so treat yourself. It's been five weeks. Good fun. Coming up on the show, the top six. Yeah, there is talk again about that way of getting to the other side of the world,

but just going straight up, basically, and letting the world turn underneath you and then just coming down. So they're saying a flight from Australia to London would be two hours if you went via space, like straight up, and there'd even be a bit of weightlessness. Cool. Oh, my God, cool. Yeah. I know.

I mean, I wouldn't go on the first. Ladies and gentlemen, please fasten your seatbelts or you'll float away. And then just as you need to go to the toilet, you hit space. Oh, yeah. A lot of problems I can see with this. Yeah, that'd be the way. The top six dealing with this. Special guest after seven this morning, around quarter past seven, Chris Parker.

My dream friend, Chris Parker. Yeah. He's on tour again with a new show. Absolutely sold out in Melbourne. He's amazing. He's doing amazing things. He's going to chat with my old mate from drama school. He's in just after seven.

Still a little poll on the way. How do we feel about flirting? Is it cheating? Did I ignite this? Did I ignite this? You've had a high profile flirt so far this week. A very high-profile flirt. So many of my pals were messaging yesterday being like,

holy, like, I'm so jealous. I would let them do terrible things to me. We'll delve into silly little pole soon on the show. But next, in April, the people that are in charge of the passport photos. Oh, yes, your chemists. Internal affairs. They make the final decision when you apply for your passport. They rejected a lot of passport photos.

Were they doing a Tyra Banks smize like I've gotten away with? I don't know how you got away with that. Or some tips and warnings if you do need a new photo for your passport. As well, Internal Affairs, who are in charge of the passports, in April assessed nearly 50,000 photos and they declined 19% of them. Gee, but that's a high, that's a fifth. Yeah, it's nearly 9,500 photos out of all of them that they received. Did they say what the key things that were wrong were?

Well, see, this actually was such a problem for one guy that it was on fair go. Oh, and you know it's gone sour. You know. I'd love to get something on Fair Go. I reckon you've got something to go on Fair Go. How many people do? It's just everything in my life.

I am so affected by it. I believe it's a Fair Go issue. How many people do you reckon use that line, I'll take it to Fair Go? I'll take you to Fair Go. It's so good. I'm writing a letter. Screw your lawyer.

I'm going to bloody Fair Go. You know, when Hayden Jones turns up at your business, is he there for good sorts or is he there for fair go? One, you're about to be praised by the nation of five minutes to seven just before they enjoy country calendar on a Sunday night on one news, or you're about to be taken to the cleaners on a Tuesday night on TV. He'd get some great service. He'd get great service.

Hayden Jones. Well-deserved. So, yeah, they actually ran a piece on it. One guy called Dwayne, he tried a couple of times using his phone to take a selfie, which you can do, but the background's got to be right. You've got to have lighting. I've never done a DIY because, like, they upload it, it's wrong. So he uploaded that a couple of times.

That didn't work. And then he went to a warehouse stationery, and then that didn't work. So he went to a life pharmacy, and that didn't work and get accepted't work so he went to a life pharmacy and that didn't work and get accepted and then he went to another life pharmacy that got accepted.

This guy must have a mug on him. I don't know what he looks like. He must have a hell of a mug on him. I don't know what he looks like. Unable to smile. I don't know what he looks like but the first life pharmacy in the warehouse stationary

refunded him. That's good. I didn't know that. Yeah, because it didn't get him. That's good. I didn't know that. Yeah, because it didn't get accepted. That's nice. But, yeah, I guess it has to just do with all the lighting and the background. There can't be shadows.

You can't be – I don't think you can be smiling, right? You're smizing, though. Well, I look incredible, as you know, in my passport photo because I've got a little – it's not a smile. It's like you'd almost call it a smirk. Yeah. Like the corners are up. Like a Tyra Banks kind of a – Yeah, like a Tyra it's not a smile. It's like, you'd almost call it a smirk. Like, the corners are up. Like a Tyra Banks kind of a.

Yeah, like a Tyra and I'm smizing. How many years have you left on that photo? Ages. Yeah, this was like a couple of years ago I got it. Oh my gosh. So you still got like eight years of that amazing photo. It was a tenner, was it? Oh, it's. A ten yearser.

Yeah, it's a tenner. And it's a ten out of ten. And it's a ten out of ten as well. Yeah, gotcha. It was so cute the other day when I was in the warehouse stationery. There was this gorgeous little boy and his mum had got him all dressed up in like a suit and tie. Unneeded. And he was wearing a blazer and a tie.

Not needed, mum. For his passport photo. And he had his like hair all combed and stuff. And then he sat like very erect in the booth. But it's just the face, Mum. What's she going on and getting him in a little suit for? No, no, sorry. I just meant upright.

I thought you meant why is he erect? I don't know. Why has Mum got him all dressed up? I don't know because you can see. I guess you can see the neck, yeah. I just want to have a look. Can you see the neck? Because I remember when I got my...

Oh, you can see the collar of what you're wearing. If I was on customs and I looked at the passport and he was wearing his little bow tie, I'd put him through the line. Oh, he looks so cute, though. Where's your little bow tie? Well, apparently recently the Department of Internal Affairs have tweaked the online self-checker for photos

so it can be 10% more... There are 10% more sizes allowed allowed in formats so maybe you can do a gif now i don't know i don't know uh but yeah they've got a like uh the passport website has uh a how to take your photo so it's got to be in the last six months no selfies so you've got to have someone take it for you you've got to use a plain light and background you've got to have someone take it for you. You've got to use a plain light in the background. You've got to centre. Your head's got to be centred. Yeah, and a certain size. Yeah, no cross eyes.

No, it doesn't say that. Although that would be neat. That would be neat. That would be neat. No, because every time you go through the automatic machine, you'd have to be like. What's that face? What's the face everybody's doing on the eye? What's that?

You've got to remember. I wonder if you could do like for my next one, because I'll have 10 years of being utterly stunning, for my next 10 years, I wonder if you could do something like really subtle, like blow your cheeks out a little bit, you know, so you look like you've got a wider jawline. Would you just apply the same photo again?

No, it's got to be within six months. No, because mine, yeah, mine's, how do they know? They wouldn't know, but they'd compare it to your last one. I'm not really aging very fast either.

Do you know what I mean? Yeah. No, totally. Because mine's in 2029. We worked this out. What year is it now? That's in six years. So I'll be close to 40.

So I can't have the next, I can't have this stunning picture when I'm nearly 50. Yeah. Because otherwise that would just cause you problems. Well, I just have to keep up with the Botox and the facelifts and the hair dyes. But it's like people that got a passport when they were 13 and go into the Goldie and then they go on holiday and they're 22. And people are like, you don't look anything like this 13-year-old.

Yeah, that's what I've grown up about. Well, there you go. There's lots of online tips online. You can upload and check your photo before you do that. That's where online tips generally are.

Yeah, online. Do you get your online tips online? I always download mine. I print mine out. I print mine out. So you take your online tips offline? Yeah, and then I... Because sometimes

I'll take a photo of a handwritten note and put it online so I'm taking my offline tips and putting them online. You're uploading online. So it cannot be an old recipe book, or as I call it, an offline tip offline.

Oh, my God, an offline tip offline. An offline recipe. Yeah. The best. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughn, and Hayley. Fletch, Vaughn, and Hayley, silly little poe, silly little poe. It is so silly, silly, to let Apollo have been handed two compliments today.

Have you? Yeah, I have been. Do you want a third? Because it's a rule of threes. Yeah, it needs to be printed out. I don't know where these came from. Oh, did Jared give you this one as well? Yeah. And you? Yeah, I have been. Do you want a third because it's a rule of threes? Yeah, it needs to be printed out. I don't know where these came from. Oh, did Jared give you this one as well

and you passed it on? Oh, you've got a third. Yeah. You're wonderful. It was one. You're very thoughtful. You've just handed me that. And I appreciate that.

You're thoughtful. No, there's one of those things in the kitchen and it's like tear off a free compliment. You're very kind. I stand by all of those with you. That's the third one.

Thank you everybody. Can I have some compliments? I think you've had enough this week. Someone gave me compliments yesterday and said that it wasn't in their nature to give compliments and I said it's very much in my nature to receive them though.

Right, so gimme, gimme, gimme. So gimme, gimme, gimme. You have had a lot of compliments. I know and now I'm high on compliments. I need to take my dose up. I know, this is the worrying thing. You get used to it. Now, today's Siddler Little Poll has nothing to do

with the Jason Momoa interview at the weekend. Of course not. But is flirting cheating? Is flirting cheating? Dude, straight down the guts. I know. 50-50. I could not believe when I voted last night how close this was.

It's so interesting because, like, obviously, you know, the Jason Momoa thing, a lot of people were like, that was so flirty. It's also like, you know, we're making a fun video as well. I'm not just going, I'm not in there trying to have sex with this man. Yeah, yeah. Although, great outcome. If you did. If you did. I put that in there trying to have sex with this man. Yeah, yeah. Although, great outcome. If you did.

If you did, I put that in the end. Because of the NDA. But I remember, like, I love a little flirt. Like, when you know the intention is zero to go out. It's all who you're flirting with. Shade is just like, when I get flirty with the old girls, which I do. You do. Because not enough people are flirting with the old girls which I do you do because not enough people

are flirting with the old girls they love it they do yeah now what if she's just like oh god but then if I'm flirty with someone

who's not an old girl maybe a bit younger she's like what was that oh yeah that makes sense it's all who you're flirting with they think

I think with me and Aaron because we love to go out and have a little flirt we love a little flirt but the person has to approach you first. So like if a guy or a girl came up to me and started flirting,

then I would happily flirt back. But I can't go over and instigate the flirt. And I think it goes the same. I love when people flirt with Aaron. I'm like, yeah, he's hot. This is exactly 50-50. I got a mailing yesterday for Greg Grover. Did he look cute with his little walkie haircut?

He looked real cute with his haircut. Yep. Are you going to go to Nova? You know already. We all are. Surely. Brothers. It's too hard to change, Hayley.

Support the family. I just like an hour's free power. I get crazy with it. I'll even let Sade turn on the dryer. Oh. You know I'm anti-dryer. Oh. I'm anti-dryer. You know I'm anti-dryer. I get real jealous of the people with an hour of free power.

Yeah, we don't have hour of free power. I want an hour of free power. You just crank the heat units. Because I think I'd leave the oven on, even though I never use the oven. Yeah. In winter. Keep the house warm.

Yeah, set a timer. And then turn it off with two minutes to go. Just in case. You don't know what their clock's at. Yeah. Is floating cheating 50-50? Some feedback on the matter. Lisa says would you do it with your partner

slash boyfriend girlfriend around? If not, don't do it behind their effing back. Simple. Oh, Lisa. We've scratched a wound here. If you hide it, then yeah, it's cheating. Okay, she's once bitten, twice shy.

Yeah. Dan says, it's just a way of life. Well, that's what the Mandalorians are saying on Mandalorian. This is the way. Just the way of life. Of course, talk about flirting, not keeping your helmet on. Forever prosperity. Shelly says, it's disrespectful to emotionally light someone's flame

who is not your partner. Oh, that's an interesting way of looking at it. Yeah, but you're not like hitting on someone. You're just flirting. It's different. Having a little giggle, a little flirt. Yeah. Jen says, flirting is behaving like you're available when you aren't.

Well, I think she's taking it. She's extreme flirting. No touching or suggestions or why give someone else that impression whilst it might not be strictly cheating it's yucky behavior and not what i'd want in a partner well aware some people call it harmless fun but i've known girls to take to take just general kindness the wrong way imagine then when a guy is fully flirting oh one one's bitten twice shy by the sound of it. Yeah, wow. Okay. Interesting. Fair enough.

Ariana says, I don't think so, but it probably isn't going to win you any favours with your partner. No. Unless,

of course, they're the older girls. The old girls. Oh, yeah. The old girls. I'm off to Raglan

this weekend. Yeah. Going to the club. Watch me. What's the club? The cosy. The cosy club. Oh, I love a Yeah. Going to the club. Watch me. What's the club? The cosy. The cosy club. Oh, I love a cosy.

Watch me. Watch me. He will ignite that room. Watch me. It's a thing to watch. Jesus. Bridget says, it's the intention. Dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot.

Really? Okay. So, I mean, it's what your intention is. If you're just like having a bit of fun. Yeah. You know, it's like nice to be the center of attention sometimes or all the time. Sheridan, now this is, the Sheridans nailed it. Okay.

Depends on what your partner says. Yeah. Is cheating or flirting? Is a smile flirting? Again, check with your partner. I want to flirt. Fine, says Brittany. Flirting consistently with someone behind your partner's back,

probably either way, deaf's not okay. Yeah, that's different. That's different. If you've got like the one person you always flirt with. Yeah, yeah. No, that is different. If that's a concentrated flirt. That's different to being at a bar.

That could lead somewhere, couldn't it? Well, it could get a bit naughty and dangerous and hot and heavy and heated the next minute, you know. We're in the bathrooms. Whoa. Doing all sorts. Whoa. M says, come on. It's like people saying watching porn is cheating.

It's not. It's nothing. It's healthy. I don't know if she's saying watching porn is healthy or flirting is healthy. Yeah. Wow. 50-50 though. Yeah, exactly.

I liked how all the people who said it wasn't didn't say anything. Don't rock the boat. It's not. No further questions, Your Honour. No. Play it. ZM's Fletch Vaughan and Hayley.

So apparently young Americans are using this technique to calm their anxiety. Was it a good young American? Yeah, it was. It was actually. Young Americans. Young Americans. Hey, how are y'all? That's just one specific area of America.

That's California. But it's spreading, right? Didn't I read something about this weird Valley Girl accent, which was geographically locked to this one part, is now spread because of the Kardashians. That's annoying. Oh, my God. I follow this chick on Instagram who does an impersonation.

That chick who's like, oh, my God, Kim, what are you doing? She plays all of them? And then she plays Chloe and she's got like the long fingernails, but they're just post-its. It's so good. She does her voice, it's so good. Anyway, young Americans who,

more your Gen Zs, and of course Gen Z, they talk a lot about themselves. They talk a lot. No, they talk a lot. They talk, they're much more sort of open I guess than previous generations about things like mental health, anxiety in particular

here. So apparently there's a bit of a trend where young Americans are using British accents in situations that would raise their anxiety to help them keep it calm. So like, you know, maybe they're going in to the bank, which can sometimes make people anxious, right, doing admin things. And they'll go in and calm. So like, you know, maybe they're going in to the bank,

which can sometimes make people anxious, right, doing admin things. And they'll go in and they'll be like, okay, I've got to go to the bank. And they'll be like, hello, I'd like to withdraw $100, please. And then it just makes them feel, it's sort of a defense mechanism because you're kind of going, I'm just protecting who I am. I'm navigating this awkward situation with like quite a fun accent. It sort of makes me feel light and like, you know, sort of lightens the situation a little bit because I'm doing something silly.

My kids spoke in British accents when they were real young because of Peppa Pig. Yes. And I know that in America there was this big thing about like our children are speaking British because of Peppa Pig. Yes. And now Bluey. And they speak in Queensland, Australian accents.

Oh, God. And so now American kids are speaking Australian because they're watching Bluey. It's just whatever they're watching. And my kids can do American accents because they watch so many American YouTubers. Yes, totally. Totally.

It's so funny when you see young kids and they're playing like Barbies or something. They're like, hello. Yeah. Where should we go today? Yeah. Or are we going to yeah or are we going to school are we going to go to school get in the car well apparently i mean this is something but

they're saying like it's so good it's there it's not them you know it's like not you so if you something maybe it's like you're in an awkward situation where you need to ask someone something or like hey i need to talk to you about something that maybe makes you feel uncomfortable, I would go, guys, are we able to have a meeting after work? And you would know I've got something to say. It was making me feel a little bit like awkward. Oh, I've changed regions.

Yeah, you're dancing around. I sort of started posh, but now I'm like somewhere else. But I don't like the way that you talked to me yesterday. And for me, right, like that sort of like pissed me off and I just feel like, you know, like I'm owed an apology. Yeah, but I'm being confronted now, so I feel like I'm being attacked and it's making me a little bit anxious. Are you my cabbie driver?

Love, love. All right, love. All right, love. Yeah. Now, love. Alright, love. Now, have you got money back there? I'm sure we can work out some other way to pay. Oh, I seem to have forgotten my wallet. We'll have to work something out, won't we?

I'll tell you what, I might pull over here on this forestry track road that a black cab's got no business on and I'm sure we won't be bothered. Well, we took that in hand, didn't we? I'll just come back. I mean, it's made an awkward situation

much easier, hasn't it? Does that make sense to you, though, pretending to be someone else? Totally. It totally does. I mean, the thing is, it's like you couldn't do it with people you know that'd be like, Hayley, Hayley, what are you doing? Yeah. I'm not doing anything yet.

Just remember you owe me like $50. Play ZM's Fletchford and Hayley. Play ZM. From the bustling ZM think tank, this is the top six. Hello there. Talk again. Although the years from now number's getting lower. Okay.

Ten years from now, you'll be able to go from Sydney to London. That's the example because it's a hell of a leg. Yeah. In just two hours. Oh, my God. That's how long it takes to fly to Queenstown from Auckland sometimes. Yeah. So the old traditional way,

the current record set in February 1985 was on the Concorde. Oh yeah. Bring those things back. They went fast. They did a sonic boom, didn't they?

They had to wait until they were out at sea to do that. Sonic boom. Oh, everyone would have got blown away. Blown away. So the record for that stopped a couple of times.

Stopped in Bahrain, Colombo and Sri Lanka. Okay. Unexpected. And then on to Sydney and it did it in 17 hours, three minutes. So including stops. Oh, yeah, wow. That's a hell of a quick flight. And that's what it would take you to just go Auckland to New York now,

like 17-odd hours? Yeah. With no break. Yeah, with no break. So the non-stop commercial flight from London to Sydney is 22 hours, 50 minutes. Oh, jeez. No. This one, which would take off from London's Heathrow,

exerting G-forces up to 4G. Thank God it's not 5G. Well, it's four times gravity, so you'd be pushed, but it's not impossible. Right. Enterspace, it would be 100 kilometres above the Earth. At its apex, a period of microgravity, which means weightlessness,

you would exit space, and then you would experience G-forces up to 6G re-entering, which is a bit higher. So your nan's probably not going to be able to do this trip, is she? I think nan might pass out, yeah. I think you'd have to have some health checks done before you could be ticked off to take this flight. But I've got the top six problems with a two-hour space flight to London.

Number six on the list. You'll leave, you'll arrive 10 hours before you left. with a two-hour space flight to London. Number six on the list. You'll leave, you'll arrive 10 hours before you left. Wait, wait, say it again. So that 12 hours, oh, that would be if you left from New Zealand. Yeah, yeah, yeah. If you left from Sydney, you'd still arrive eight hours before you left.

Yeah. Depending on daylight savings. Because you'd take off and that 12 hours behind, so if it only takes you, or eight hours behind, if it only takes you, or 8 hours behind, if it only takes you 2 hours to be there, get there. That's nuts though. That's insane. My brain's melting. Yeah.

Whereas you arrive kind of at the same, oh, after you left but significantly closer. Number 5 on the list of the top 6 problems with 2 hour space flights to London I guarantee you'll be in the toilet just starting to do wheezes, weightlessness hits, and then the wheeze will go all over your pants.

Yeah. Yeah. Start floating up towards your face and you're like, no wheeze. Get away from me, wheeze. And then it bounces off your cheek. Oh, yeah. Then you've got your own wheeze on your face.

Explain that one. Does it, would it, if it hit your face or arm, say, a bead of wheeze, would it go in or splatter or would it bounce off?

What? It's not super spacey. Like when you see space and the drips go. But in space, would it absorb into your skin or would it

just bounce off? Bounce off. It might absorb. We should have asked the astronaut that question when we spoke to him. I've got a feeling producer Jared's already frantically Googling this.

We're going to talk on air and he would have been a great question. He's hot on these things. He's hot. Stand by. We'll come back soon. He's hot on the Googs. Does wheeze splash on your face or bounce off if it hits you in space? It's an important question.

Huge issues today on the show. Number four on the list of the top six problems of the two-hour space flight to London. I bet, because it's only two hours, they'd probably not serve you a meal. They'd just do tea and coffee and a bloody cookie time.

Yeah, you should have eaten before you got on the plane. Yeah, which is fair enough. But if you're going to geez up and geez down, you might shit yourself if you're too full. Yeah, I don't know.

Just take it easy on the Kauru Club Proseccos too, I reckon, because the bubbles will be in you. You'll be big burpy up there. Big burpy, big farty. Number three on the list of the top six problems

of the two-hour space flight to London. I'll put money on the fact you wouldn't get through a whole movie. Oh, yeah. There's takeoff, there's landing, there's the constant interruptions from the pilot. You'll just be crying and going, I need to know what happened. And you've got 20 minutes to go. You're about to hit the fourth act and it's done.

Tell me Marley doesn't get put down. Producer Jared has said, in the absence of gravity, space toilets use airflow to pull urine and matter away from the body and into the proper receptacles. Yes. Oh my God. It sucks it out of your butt.

Sucks it out. But then I'm wondering if it escapes, if liquid would, I'm pretty sure it would just turn into smaller spheres. Yeah, droplets. But also, it would be enough to know that you got hit in the face with it. That's a great question. Number two on the list of the top six problems with a two-hour space flight to London,

you'll get the window seat and you'll see aliens, and that'll be a way to ruin the study. You would too. You would too. They're up there. I mean, if you see them on the way home, at least you've got a nice holiday. Yeah. Yeah.

And number one on the list of the top six problems with a two-hour space flight to London, you'd come into land and it would be foggy, so you'd have to turn around and come back home. Because it's London. It's London. Because it's London, yeah. That is today's top six. ZM's Fletchvorn and Hayley.

A beautiful story from Britain. This was so... When I read it, I was like, we have to talk about this. Now, they... british this was so when i read it i was like we have to talk about this now um they uh this is from a town the village of newton poppleford okay god i want to live in england sometimes newton poppleford i could imagine you living in some old english village you know oh aaron would in a heartbeat imagine him. Because Aaron has a dream of owning like an old thatch-roofed British pub. Oh, yeah. Full of like antiques and kind of crazy things.

Yeah, right. Now, we've thought about opening one in where we live now. But that's thatch roofs hard to get in New Zealand, you know? Also, I couldn't see you being any kind of running a bar. Yeah, I know. It's the dream of it. But I was like, that's hospo, one of the hardest jobs.

Yeah, and also there's a lot of booze. Innovative Synthetic Thatch NZ is a company in Mangere, and they'll whip you up a thatched roof. But more of like your tropical, phalae. Oh, okay. Yeah, more Balinese kind of style.

Right. Yeah, Polynesia. But they can make it work. Anyway, we're not moving. Don't worry. Not going anywhere yet. Anyway, so they've been having some storms in Poppleford, right? Just like us.

These storms causing things to flood and whatnot. Now, there was a family goldfish who was in a pond. Nice set up outside. Yeah. Just, you know, your normal sort of pond. And then there was a storm and unfortunately the storm, the water made the waters too high

in the pond and it overflowed and when they went to check on it, the goldfish was gone. Is there a name? I didn't catch a name. Was it just one goldfish in a whole pond? I don't know. You've got to have multiple goldfish was gone. Is there a name? I didn't catch a name. Was it just one goldfish in a whole pond? I don't know. You've got to have

multiple goldfish. Yeah, you don't. You'd get lonely otherwise. Name is unclear, I don't believe. Okay. I think he's got name suppression. Yeah.

To protect his family. The family don't want the press hounding them after the story gets out. They just want to spend time together as a family. Anyway. Let's call him Goldie.

Goldie. So Goldie's swimming along one day and he's like, mate, my pond seems to be getting higher. Oh, he's British. My pond seems to be getting higher. Oh, no, that's an orphan. Limited characters. Limited, yeah, you're out.

Anyway, so because the pond levels got higher, the water overflowed, taking Goldie with it, right? The family comes out to see the damage. To see the damage from the storm. And they're like, he's gone. There is no more, right? And without water, I believe fish will die. Yeah, they will.

This is what I've been led to believe. That's why. That's what the big government would have you believe, though. Is this why your fish have been dying? Yeah. They've been taking them out for a while. I'm like, come and check this out. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm like, hey, fish. Come watch me play this game you believe, though. Is this why your fish have been dying? Yeah. They've been taking them out for a while. I'm like, come and check this out. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I'm like, hey, fish. Come watch me play this game. Yeah, yeah, come and watch me play Jedi Survivor. And there's just a fish that's flopping on your couch. Oh, man, mate. Anyway, so afterwards there was such a sort of kerfuffle with these storms that there was a community clear up, right? And in a nearby field,

they were cleaning up some debris and whatnot, and then a helper called Helen spotted something. You won't believe it. It's bright orange. It's the fish. It's the fish. Luckily for this fish, the fish was found in a muddy pond,

like a puddle, sorry, muddy puddle that had been created just on the field and was managing to survive with that amount of water just in the line there breathing. This was like a day later. This was a day later and I was like, oh my gosh, this was 24 hours later. And basically got reunited with the family.

What did they put on their local Facebook page or something? They put it on the community page and said like, has anyone lost their pet goldfish? Right. And this family was like, oh my God, that's ours.

Social media? What a great, that would make a good. The fish was returned to the pond. It'd make a good movie or a kid's book. Where are goldfish native to?

Japan. Because everything's got to come from somewhere. Yeah, I don't know actually. Are they? Oh my God, I've got a development. Oh, what's happened? There were two. Oh no. Oh somewhere. Yeah, I don't know, actually. Are they... Oh, my God, I've got a development. Oh, what's happened?

There were two. Oh, no. Oh, no. Well, that's the thing that's hard to tell apart. Nope. The other one was found in another nearby puddle. Oh, reunited, and it feels so good. That's fantastic.

Oh, my God. Well, if we did the two-part miniseries, like television drama, that could be the end of episode one. I'm thinking HBO. I'm thinking we're at the BAFTAs. I'm thinking this whole thing is just going to at the BAFTAs. I'm thinking this whole thing is just going to blow up.

China. Are they? China. Native to China, the goldfish is a relatively small member of the carp family. That's why I was saying these goldfish are getting washed away. You don't want them in the waterways. No. Because they're an invasive species. Why don't we like the carp? Invasive species. Horrible bloody thing.

Ate all of our little native fish. Here in Aotearoa, they're real bastards and they grow to a very large size. Yeah, they get massive. You know, no good for it. Yuck. Yeah. Good for a tattoo though. Are they?

A lot of people love the koi fish. Oh, yeah. I was thinking like a goldfish tattoo. I was like, I mean, and arguably even if we are now talking about koi carp tattoos, aren't they? Aren't they? Are they? Play ZM's Fletch,

Vaughn and Hayley. Well, there is a new trend and this story comes to us from the UK. A plastic surgeon has weighed in on the popular new trend. A lot of people are showing this off on TikTok as well. It's Botox,

but in your traps, which are the muscles... From your neck to your shoulder. From your neck that come down there. Those are your traps. Is it to relax them? Because when you get stressed and all anxious and hunched, there's a lot of tension in there.

Well, yeah, so a lot of women are doing this so they look slimmer and feel more relaxed, yeah. Look slimmer? Oh, is it because you maybe drop the shoulders? Because it drops the shoulders. It relaxes them. Yeah. doing this so they look slimmer and feel more relaxed. Look slimmer? Because it drops the shoulders. It relaxes them. Would it stop you tensing them up? You might not be able to.

Get yourself all tightly bound. It's kind of makes your shoulders roll over and you know when you see old people and you're like, oh. You see old people hunched and waddling and you're like, oh, shoulders back. Yeah. How do you get traps at the gym? Is it shoulder, is it pull-ups and shrugs?

Shrugs and pulls and I don't know. I don't really, I've got to say I'm not big on growing the traps as a woman myself. You're not big on traps. I don't think so. I like a strong shoulder, but I don't think I need a big fat trap. Yeah, apparently over the last few months, and it's mostly thanks to TikTok, more and more people are asking for Botox in the traps.

Isn't Botox amazing though, that it can just do so much? I thought about getting it because I get a sweaty face. Because it does stop sweating. A lot of people can get it under their pits. Yeah, I've got a friend that does it. And you can get it in your pits or in your feet or your hands if you've got clammy hands. Your pits and your bits.

Your pits, your bits. You can get it in your anus if you've got issues down there. Where do you get that? An injection. You're like, just relax. Really? Yeah, I want to get it in my jaw. It's very important to be able to tighten and loosen

and have full control of the muscles in the anal region. I hope you're too clenched. So, yeah, apparently people are saying... I'm going to go too far the other way. You're just going to fall into your pants, you know. So apparently along with it alleviates neck tension, migraines, improves posture and slims the neckline. But I feel like that's why people would be doing it.

I've always had quite a good neck. But yeah, and there's like this woman here, look, she's getting like six. Oh, I don't like the look of it. No way. I just hate injections too. Yeah, I haven't had Botox, but I'd love to say I was going to get it

so that my face wouldn't sweat, but also just, you know, in between the eyebrows. So it stops sweating. Like if you went and got... If you put it into the right place. Right. So not just the eyebrow ones. You're not going to be perspiring everywhere except for this extreme dry patch just above the eyebrows.

In between the brows. Yeah, everywhere where you're also not moving, you're also not sweating. Yeah, no, I think it's like a... And where does the sweat go? Yeah, because it's got to come from somewhere, right? Botox for sweating. I don't know.

Yeah, the sweat's got to come out somewhere. Localised excessive sweating by an average of 83%, it can reduce. Right. Well, the Trap Tox, which is what they're calling it, Botox for the traps, has had more than 128.5 million views. Holy. On TikTok. So, yeah, that's a new trend.

Well, if it's like to relate, if it's to stop like neck pain and tension headaches and stuff, I'm totally on board with it. Because, yeah, people carry a lot of weight in that part of the old shouldery route. I'm just booking an appointment. You reckon you're finally giving in? For a Botox.

When they go to do it in my like jaw right to relax I'll be like whoop and I'll just sort of put my you know rest of my face by it. So they get it in the face. Just want this because you know I've got tight jaw. But then they get your eye lid and then that's out for six weeks. Whoopie whoopie.

However long it lasts. You'll be on seven days like... Yeah. Like expressionless. Are you enjoying yourself, Hayley? I'm having a good time. I'm having a good time. I'm having a good time.

Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley. Fletch and Vaughan have just witnessed yet again another drama school cuddle. Oh, they go on, don't they? It's no surprise to me that the national government got rid of that artist's benefit. Artist's benefit. You guys just spent too much time hugging and greeting each other. Absolutely unproductive use of your time. Well, the reason you witness it is because my dear friend, Chris Parker, is in the room.

Kia ora, Chris. Kia ora. Good morning, everyone. How are you? Good. He's got a voice for radio, doesn't he? But like serious radio, you know? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

National radio. A plane has crashed on the hills, you know, something like that. Yeah, beautiful. To deliver National radio. A plane has crashed on the hills, you know, something like that. Yeah, beautiful. To deliver the tough news. Yeah. You, I, the other day, because I've recently finished a run at the comedy festival,

which you are actually too busy to even do. And I felt exhausted. I was like, oof, five shows, my Lord. Yeah. You have been on the road mostly by yourself for what feels like so long now. Yeah, I've done all of Australia.

Well, not all of it. You leave a lot of it out. Because there's a lot of it that you don't, one, want to go to, and two, there's just no one there. Yeah. Because you've got the east coast. You kind of touch the sides, don't you? Yeah, and in the middle you're just like, I think it's just sand.

Yeah. Not the top part of that side. Yuck, yeah, that's yuck. Nothing up there. Sharks, snakes, scorpions. Yeah, exactly. Did you go to Perth? Absolutely not. No, I did Adelaide, Melbourne for a whole month. Wow. Brisbane and Sydney. I've just come back from Sydney. Sydney's always crazy. That's all of Australia that counts.

Oh yeah, Sydney's wild. You know, I did a show once in Sydney at the comedy store and then mid show the fire alarm went off and the whole room were like let's stay in and I was like

we need to evacuate and they were all like on various you know great Sydney drugs that you can't buy in New Zealand and they're just like

well we have the knock off version we've got the wish version of whatever it is they're like oh we want to stay in we've got to get out of here the alarm went on for seven

minutes and they were twerking to the fire alarm. It's amazing those moments you think, oh, someone's going to lead the path. Like someone will be like, let's go. But in that moment everyone just froze and they wanted to continue partying as we burnt down. Jeepers. Luckily it was just a drill

but it was crazy. Well, you've got to take drills seriously. You do have to take drills seriously. Perfect practice makes perfect. You've got to stop, prop and roll. So you did all this touring, and then in the last few years you've been touring all around New Zealand, sailing out everywhere, going amazingly, and then you got married, and then you went on the road again,

and then you've been on the road, and now you're going on the road. What does Michael make of this, your husband? He's like, keep earning that money. He's not going to buy it. We've got to buy a cottage sometime. You know, like, we're working hard. But now you're going on tour again. I'm going on tour again.

Yeah, well, I got married. And then now it's like, oh, now I can talk about that. Yeah. So out I go. Wait, so you got married and you were like, great, fodder for a new show. Yeah, basically. It's the only reason you did it. Basically.

So this is your show, Lots of Love. Show, Lots of Love. It's just about, oh, it's just about the meaning of life, isn't it? How? He's cracked it.

Yeah, not just by what's wrong with my body, but like, you know, what's wrong with all of our bodies. Every day. And mine. I made a show about what's wrong with my body.

No, your show was, I mean, there's no songs in my show, you know. Isn't there? Not one. Chris Parker's a fantastic, I don't know, I'm sure you can hear it, but Chris Parker is a fantastic bass singer.

I had a very high voice as a kid. I was a boy soprano. Hallelujah, hallelujah, like all that. And then one summer, that fateful summer, we all have it, boys, you know. I came back to fourth form and I was like, yeah, good morning, everyone. Immediately.

I feel I was later than fourth form. I was way later than fourth good morning everyone. Like immediately, immediately that low. I feel I was later than fourth form. I was way later than fourth form. Really? You're still probably waiting? Yeah, I'm waiting. It's up there. And it will come, it will come. Please, soon.

You wait for it, you wait for it. It's a beautiful time actually, puberty, isn't it? Because it hits us all differently. And it's like, we all come out of the lab slightly different. Some guys come, they're like tiny, and then over summer, they come out, they're like six foot five.

Yeah. You had that in you all this time? You've always been six foot five. You just came out that way. I've always been the tallest guy in class,

you know, and I've always really identified with that, especially when you do the school photos, and I'd be like, I'm the top of the pyramid. Yeah,

I was always centre back, including the boys at primary. So you stayed centre back, because for us, the ones that were centre back in like first year of intermediate, they were soon on the sides

because the guys that were the shorter ones became the taller ones in high school. The guys that were the biggest at intermediate got kind of surpassed by everybody else

when we got to college. But you stayed at... I've held my position firmly. Wow. And if anyone tried to get close, I'd cap them. Yeah, Denise. It's my spot. Don't you dare get close to it. You, I'd cap them. Yeah, Denise. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's my spot.

Don't you dare get close to it, you know? I love it up there. With your tour, lots of love. Oh, I'm choking. Just I'm so proud of you. She's choking up. Look at him fly. We used to make silly little theatre in the basement of drama school.

It wasn't silly, actually. It was really, really good. It was really powerful. We were changing lives out there. Is this the one where you did the sun? You looked at the sun or something? What? Didn't you have one where, like, the one where you did the sun, you looked at the sun or something? What? Didn't you have one where, like,

the sun came through a window at a certain time in the show? What? What? Didn't you have one where you faced the sun? You made people look at the sun. We did one outside. Yes, we did one outside.

We did one outside. And we caught a bright future because we knew that the audience would be staring at us as the sun was setting and the sun would be in their eyes. It's nothing like doing comedy to a bunch of people squinting.

Yeah. You know, just like, because they can't barely make you out. They're sort of almost getting migraines because they can't focus because the sun's in their eyes. They're walking away. So you're going to Tauranga,

Christchurch, you've even added a show, Hometown, of course. Two shows in Christchurch, Wellington, Dunedin, Hamilton and Claude Lins. Yep. The show grounds.

Where they play netball. Like the massive arena. If people want to come to that one, please do. I'm a huge success. You should open for the the netball team. We're probably in the function centre to be honest.

We're probably just doing it in the men's toilets. A lot of things have happened at men's toilets at Claude Lor. I know. Then you've had to add a day at the Kiri Takanoa Theatre, which is a beautiful theatre in Auckland, because your show a little bit later has sold out in Auckland already. This is so far away. Region on Broadway in Palmerston North.

We love a Palmy. Look out for the ghosts. And New Plymouth, your hometown. We're ending it in New Plymouth, yeah. I mean, that's where you want to end all tours, in New Plymouth. Absolutely. I'm doing a tour soon that is just New Plymouth your hometown yeah we're ending it in New Plymouth yeah I mean that's where you want to end all tours in New Plymouth absolutely I'm doing a tour soon that is just

New Plymouth lots of people in New Plymouth do want to end it all too excuse me it is paradise I am at home

it is a gay man's paradise because it's just like that women I don't think we'd call it a gay man's paradise

the place is run by like women in their mid 50s and they know how to treat me well. Oh, right. And in terms of a Venn diagram of interests, me and Maureen's interests are bang on. Felting, you got them in with felting.

Pan cream, chardonnay. Wheatie bags. Oh, my God, where's my wheat? I had a wheatie bag here. It's got to go. Potpourri. They're all my interests. And out Maureen and I go, pashminas. I, my God. Where's my wedding? I had a wedding day here. It's got to go. I love it. Potpourri. They're all my interests. And out Maureen and I go.

Pashminas. I love it all. New Plymouth is going to be the headline. Kashmir. I love it. Me and Maureen, we connect in New Plymouth. Well, to all the Maureens out there, nationwide, not just in New Plymouth, you can buy tickets.

LiveNation.co.nz to see Chris Parker's new show, touring around the country. Lots of love. And lots of love to you, Chris. And lots of love to you all. And a happy New Year. I was going to say. Happy.

Well, I'm not going to see you until then, probably. It was a religious holiday. I started doing it now because you never know what will happen. Oh, good fun. Good fun. Play ZM's Fletch Vaughan and Hayley. Play ZM's. First game of thean and Hayley. Play ZM's. First game of the hockey season for my daughter Indy last night.

Now I was at... Are you the coach still? No, no, no, no. The coach. I told you the coach is a black stick. They don't need me. It's Blair. He got fired.

No, I didn't get fired. I didn't want to do it. I didn't do it last time she played either. Wait, no, but you were the coach and now you're not. I was the coach. What do you know about hockey? I played hockey. It was my sport. Oh, really? Yeah. Wait, no, but you were the coach and now you're not. I was the coach. What do you know about hockey? I played hockey. It was my sport.

Oh, really? Yeah. Oh, biggie partner. You don't know this, but his mum coached a rep team and she put him on there. She did it. On a rep team?

Yeah. They were like 11 or something. You know kids when they're 11 just like run around. They don't really know what they're doing. Yeah, I played hockey just running around.

Well, it wasn't running around. It was representative hockey. Mum only became the coach after I made the team. Because they wasn't running around. It was representative hockey. Mum only became the coach after I made the team. Because they didn't have that. They had real trouble filling the teams in rural Moran.

It was why could I rep? It was why could I rep? It was intermediate age and then it was under 15s. And I played the first year of under 15s and then I was like, Mum, I'm too cool for sport.

And then I got to be a chubby little man. Now, what was I talking about? Your daughter had her first hockey game. When I played at Intermediate,

we played on a grass field. Oh my God. I remember playing hockey on a grass field and it would, the ball, it could just hit you in the head. Dude, so unpredictable, because that field wasn't just used for hockey. It was always used for rugby. And shot put, and there'd be a big shot put duff,

and then you'd hit the ball, it would hit the duff, and you'd be like, wah! We did concrete, but then when we played other schools. Concrete? You mean AstroTurf? AstroTurf. No, no, we didn't have an AstroTurf at my primary school was when I played, not high school.

We just played it on, trained on the concrete, and then we'd go on the AstroTurf at my primary school was when I played, not high school. We just played it on, trained on the concrete and then we'd go on the AstroTurf to play other schools. So playing on the AstroTurf was, when I played it, if you got to play on that. Sandy. It was a big deal in the late 90s, early 2000s to have an AstroTurf. Innes Common, down in Hamilton.

One sand AstroTurf. Right. Now they went to water turfs. Posh. Water turfs you fall over on and they don't just absolutely sandblast you to pieces. Dude, those astroturfs, those sand astroturfs were savage. So, last night, rather than going, previously they played at the North Shore Hockey Centre. Oh, yeah. Which I believe is our national, I stand to be corrected, but I believe it's our national hockey team.

I'll believe that. I'll buy it. It's beautiful. Absolutely beautiful facilities. And they've got like six turfs. Oh, yeah. But they said it's not at the North Harbour Hockey Stadium. It's at Christen, the school.

Oh, the fancy school. For those that don't know, it's a posh. Very nice school. Producer Jared, such school. For those that don't know, it's a posh... Very nice school. Producer Jared. Such a llama as Producer Jared. Yeah. Any famous... Who's famous that went to Kristen?

The posh school. I think Brad Pitt was there for a bit. Right. Now we have... What? That was wild, wasn't it? That was really wild. I was like, who's Brad Pitt?

And then I realised... I was like, Brad Pitt? No, no, no. He didn't go to it? That was really wild. I was like, who's Brad Pitt? And then I realised. I was like, Brad Pitt? No, no, no. He didn't go to Christmas. That's very famous. They've got inspiring role models, some alumni. Yeah. Tom McRae.

There's none I recognise. Newsreader Tom McRae. Yeah, newsreader Tom McRae. Great guy, great guy. He's now on Al Jazeera. Oh, yeah. Tom McRae. Lovely Rachel.

He stole our newsreader, Rachel. He stole Rachel, our newsreader, yeah. Yeah. I think we've got some sports people somewhere. Yeah, you've got a, looks like a motocross guy. Yep. And. Rough for a Christian one.

Motocross? Yeah, it's been real. Down and dirty. Down and dirty public schools. It's posh, isn't it? It's very posh. It's very nice. Beautiful facilities.

Right. Lovely facilities. And so you were there last night. We've got a climbing wall. What? A climbing wall. And covered basketball courts. I cannot relate to this. Beautiful facilities. And so you were there last night. I've got a climbing wall. I've got a climbing wall. And covered basketball courts. I cannot relate to this. Beautiful facilities. Having gone to a DeSol 1 primary

school. We're now driving in and the girls are like, this is nice. And Shardo's like, we'd love for you to come here. So this is also my application for some sort of, I don't know, bargaining thing where I say how great the school is and then they take my children. Right. You've got to pay. Ah, come on. They know they. That's the old smithy.

They know they have to get a smaller ship. I'll host their quiz night. Oh, God. Jesus. Don't sign us up for that. And they were like, that's nice. And the kids were like, oh, that's nice. And they've got this. Oh, that's nice. And there's a golf course next door and there was confusion as to who the golf course belonged to. It's not the

school that's next door. But then I was just wondering what it was like going to a school that didn't have like at least three prefabs with toxic mould. And what about the, did you have, what did you, how did you heat your classrooms at private school, Jared? Oh, I saw. Heat pumps. Individual heat pumps.

Yeah. Individual classroom heat pumps. We had the oil heaters, the column heaters. Now, I've got a question about radiators, the oil heaters, the column heaters. Now, I've got a question about radiators, the oil heaters, the thin heaters that sat always under the window, which seemed pointless because the windows were so cold. Yeah. It was just like sash windows.

Yeah. So the cold- And you melt pastels on them. The heat went straight up, hit the cold, neutralised, and the rest of the classroom remained absolutely okay. Yeah. Was that heated centrally? No, it's a big, there's a big.

Isn't there a boiler room somewhere? Yeah, I think there is. The pipes for that literally weave throughout the school. I think so. And heat all the radiators. Yeah. That sounds dangerous. I can't remember the heating at my high school.

I think because it was a really old building though. I think it was radiators. And I'm a bit older, so I don't know if we had heat pumps. I was always warm. Always warm. I was with the Barbara Lee woolen cardigan as well. That was pure wool. It also kept you nice and warm.

Our sweatshirts were a synthetic fabric that you couldn't get too close to the radiators or they'd melt. They'd melt right up. Wow, what an experience. Lovely. Very nice. A climbing wall. How the other half lived.

I'll just reiterate. Imagine being on your lunch break and going on a climbing wall. And not just a wall that the kids are climbing in. The teachers are like, get down, get down. You get down. Yes. Jaden, get down. Get down or you'll fall down

It's always a Jaden Like a proper Rock climbing harness Chuck on your harness And climb the climbing wall Climbing wall Beautiful Beautiful

This of course is a story out of America Literally Literally in a town called Springfield Oh wow Springfield, Illinois out of America. Literally. Literally in a town called Springfield. Oh, wow. Springfield, Illinois? Springfield. Because didn't they

kind of say that the Springfield that closest resembled Simpsons was Springfield, Illinois? Because I think these of you, we've got a Springfield, don't we?

Springfield, Massachusetts. We've got Springfield, And they've got the giant donut. Yeah, you can stop there and get a photo with the Simpsons donut. And that famously grumpy cafe. Did they leave? I don't know.

Are they still there? I wish they were still there. And when I went, they weren't grumpy enough. Right. Yeah, they were really upset. They weren't grumpy enough. Not enough, yeah. Right.

Well, this person was being followed by police because they were driving terribly. They were going 22 miles over the speed limit. What's that? What's that? What is that? I don't know how miles work. Yeah, well, that's not good. That's not good.

Driving way too fast and just a bit dodgy and whatnot. They pulled over the vehicle and as the police were coming out, the driver got out of the driver's seat and got into the passenger's seat, which they obviously saw. Like, I can see you doing that. And then he, like, came out of the car through the passenger's seat and was like, well, I wasn't driving. And they're like, who was driving?

Classic, yeah. Yeah, and then when they said, who was driving? He was like, well, my dog. And the dog was in the driver's seat. Done the old switcheroo with the dog. Okay, I mean, they breath-tested the dog? They didn't breath-test the dog, but they breath-tested the guy. And tell you what, he was drinking.

Oh, he'd been drinking. Oh, he'd been way over, right, okay. Yeah, he was charged with driving under the influence of drugs or alcohol, driving while impaired, driving under suspension. over, right, okay. Yeah. He was charged with driving under the influence of drugs or alcohol, driving while impaired, driving under suspension. Oh, wow, okay. Oh, you are. Speeding over. That's why the dog was driving for him because he had a suspended license.

Speeding over the speed limit and resisting arrest because by doing that he's trying to play the system and say, oh, it wasn't me, I wasn't driving, it was the dog. Oh. This sounds very Bart Simpson, in fact, for Springfield. For Springfield. Well, yeah, got Homer Simpson written all over it, isn't it? It truly does.

You hear about people swapping all the time when they're pulled over. Yeah, like quickly, quickly, quickly. Doing a switcheroo. And then that might work if there's another human in the car. But why is your sober friend not driving in the first place? Exactly. Our dogs aren't inside dogs at the moment. They're living primarily their life outside because they're big.

I don't want any animals inside the house. I like paddock animals and outside animals. But when you go to places where there is an inside dog and you'll pop off, happy to let the dog take the line. Oh, always. My in-laws have got three great Danes. and you'll pop off. Happy to let the dog take the blame. Oh, always. Oh, you mean the sneaky farts. I dropped my guts there once, and they were like, oh, oh, my God, Frida. And I was like, oh, Frida, how could you?

Happy, happy. I didn't blame the dog. Yeah, but happy to let it take the blame. Happy to let it take the blame. That was handy. Yeah. You pop off. Sometimes you can blame the cats for that too, because every now and then a cat will do a stinky fart. No, my was handy. Yeah. Yeah, pop off. Sometimes you can blame the cats for that too

because every now and then a cat will do a stinky fart. No, my cat doesn't fart. My cat never farts. Oh, because your cat's on the dry biscuits. Yeah, because my cat doesn't eat meat. It farts dust. Because it's never eaten anything wet in its life. I'll give it a little bit of shaved ham every now and then.

You've never upset its cats. Your cat's like, you're like, Aaron. The cat's like, Aaron like Aaron The cat's like Aaron Come on man This is a classic as well Like blaming the dog For eating your homework Yeah

This is what I want to know Like do people actually do this What did you blame on the dog Have you used the dog Did you spill over like Something and stain the carpet And be like The dog

Did you wet the bed And be like Oh my god the dog Dog peed in the bed. Especially if the dog is more likely to get forgiveness than you are.

Yeah. Of course they are. They know not what they do. You knock over some expensive antique or something on the shelf and you're like, blame the dog.

Yeah. Absolutely. If your partner's out, they're never going to know. Or your parents are more likely to forgive their sweet little pooch

that moved in when you moved out than they are when you go back to visit them to raid their fridge and steal their toilet paper. And break their antiques. We want to know what you've blamed on the dog. Yeah, there was a driver, a drunk driver in America who switched seats with the dog and then said, I wasn't driving, the dog was driving.

I mean, that's obviously not working. But I tell you what, though, if the dog knocks something over or damages something or you do it, it's very easy to blame it on them. Very. Because it's something they could have done. It is. Shay, what have you blamed on the dog? I'm currently late for work, which I blamed on the dog.

Right, so it's all your fault. Yeah. What did the dog do in this fictional retelling of your morning? I had to clean up a bit of a mess because the dog had a bit of an upset stomach. Oh, yeah. Of course you did. Of course you did.

I'll be in soon. I've had it. As your boss, like a dog person, are they on board with this sort of thing? Let's just say it's not the first time it's happened. Whereas you just stayed in bed an extra 10 minutes Is that what happened? They definitely talk about you before you arrive on these mornings Where you phone in with this excuse like this dog's got to go Or this guy needs a new excuse

The dog's a menace Yeah, Shay thanks you called some messages in Whenever I was late for school I'd blame it That my dogs got out of the gate and ran down the road And I had to do it because it happened so much that everybody believed it. Oh, right. Blame dogs out again. Our dogs very rarely got out, but everybody thought they were real escape artists.

We want to know the things you've blamed on the dog. Well, except cat submissions. I'm open to other animals, other pets. They're there and they do nothing for you, so why shouldn't they be taking some life? Cost you a fortune in food and bloody

flea drops on the back of the neck. So expensive. So expensive. Hadley, what did you blame on the dog? First up, long time listener, I'm going to reach for the bell? Yay! Welcome to the show, Hadley. Welcome.

Welcome. Hey, when I was a kid, probably about seven, I got really, really angry with my brother. Yeah. And he had one of those fancy scientific calculators from school. Oh, they were expensive. They were $100.

Yeah, I actually smashed it. I tucked it under the corner of the table and smashed it to pieces. Wait, so you put it under the table and used the table to smash it? Being a kid, they just cannot regulate themselves. I will use what we eat our dinner on to destroy your ability to do maths.

And I was so scared that I was going to get in trouble that I actually, I tricked his dog into chewing it. Oh, that's brilliant. So good. Really good for you. Yeah, so absolutely matched. She got it caught with it in her mouth.

She got the blame for 20 years. Wait, wait, wait. When did you finally tell him, or is this what's happening right now? No, no, I have complained. Well, it got off your chest, yeah, after all this time. Get him a new Casio NX2475, or? I had one of those calculators, and it did nothing for my mass ability but I could do boobs upside down.

Do you ever accidentally turn your iPhone sideways when you're on calculator? You're like, oh yeah, that's right. And you're like, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Hadley, thanks for your call. What is tan and cos and tan? Triangle stuff. Kyle, what did you blame on the dog?

Oh, right, right. So I was working in Sydney in a horse stable and I was absolutely busted to go toilet. There's no toilet at stables. Yep. So I thought, oh, you know what I'll do. I'll just go, you know, pop a squash, I guess, down in the horse stable. Oh, we're talking a number two at the stables,

not a cheeky wee in the sawdust in the corner. I was like, it's your privilege to be able to stand and pee. I was doing a poo down there. Okay. And next thing, my partner's mum turns up while I'm half-grown to the toilet. So I quickly pull up my pants and run out the back of the stable and I come back around the front to where she was. And she had started cleaning out the stables with the horse pick to pick up all the horse poop right and she was like oh oh Kyle

what's that smell I was like oh no I'm not too sure eh she's like oh looks like we've got a bloody wild dog taking a shit in here and I was like oh I'm just dying I'm dying on this I was bright red I was like yeah yeah I think we must do it. It's just, oh, I've just got to pick it up and throw it out. And I was like, yeah, yeah, you pick it up. I can't do that. Oh my God, Kyle! You're turd. I was just dying. I was bright red. Oh no.

I was getting the sweat done. A dinghy shat in the sun. Yeah, flame a dingo. Bloody dirty dog. Oh, my God. Wow. And the dirty dog was Kyle all along. I genuinely love it when our listeners and friends and whānau come up

and say hello when they spot us in the wild. And yesterday I was at the supermarket. In the wild? You were in the wild? I went to the Bougie New World. Okay. You know the one around the corner where it's got the nice meat and you pay like $40 for a steak.

Which one? Are you into the Victoria Park one? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Jesus. That's lush. It's lush. But I was only going for one meal because I just wanted to get some stuff for dinner. That's absolutely not better.

I also... Shopping for one meal is the most expensive trip to the supermarket and you went to the most expensive supermarket to do the most expensive type of trip to the supermarket. Yeah. But I didn't want to go anywhere else. Couldn't be bothered. Anyway, so I was in there having a look.

Actually, I was by the pick and mix. Oh, okay. Every now and then I have a craving for banana chips. Okay. And I got a little, it's a small baggie of the banana chips. I thought you were going to say banana lollies and you just individually tonged them out of the pick and mix. Oh, no, it was the mix.

No, no, no, no. I wasn't tonging lollies out. It's been a while since I've tonged a loll. Really? I love the tonging of loll. I avoid the pick and mix. I avoid the pick and mix. I love the pick and mix. If you could tong one lolly out of the party mix,

what would you tong out? I tong the fizzy Coke bottles out of the sour mix because that's my number one lolly. I can't even think what's in a party mix. I'm drawing an absolute blank. It's your general used banana, the fake teeth. Party mix. A snake. G mix. A snake.

Gummy. A jet plane. It'd be a gummy something. It'd be a gummy, yeah. Or there's a wine gum in there. You get more with a jet plane. You do. We got sent some words recently.

Now I think I'm feeling like I might have to open the box, girls. I might tong out a couple of explorers. You know, what used to be called. We may have to do this for final rankings on Friday. The best loli in a party pack. Party mix. Yeah. Lock it in.

Lock it in. Anyway, I was by the party mix and I was about to wheel off when I heard, hello, Hayley. And I turned around and it's actually a woman who loves our show. And she said hello to me in this new world before she works there. Oh, okay. And she said, oh, you know, I'm a fan or whatever the last time. And this time she just said, hello, Hayley. And it took me a while. Oh, okay, yeah. And she said, oh, you know, I'm a fan or whatever the last time. And this time she just said, hello, Hayley.

And it took me a while. I was like, hello. She goes, how's your sex stuff? I was like seconds away from just saying, you know, if the renovation were quite busy at the moment, we're really tired and, you know, like it's not a big concern. It's just not a priority at the moment. But, you know, we're still close and going really strong. It's just, you know, for me and, you know, but when we do, it's not a concern. It's just not a priority at the moment. But, you know, we're still close and going really strong.

It's just, you know, for me and, you know, but when we do, it's great. Yeah. And the communication's always there. And, you know, we've really developed, you know, quite a good way of doing it that is both explorative and fun. Yeah. But also, you know, gets the job done. Yeah.

I was about to say that. Yeah. And then I remembered that I've got a podcast about sex. And it made sense. Yeah Yep. I was about to say that. Yeah. And then I remembered that I've got a podcast about sex and it made sense because I was like, just strange.

I get asked all sorts. How's the cat? How's the reno? How's Aaron? Oh, I saw this. When's he doing marching? Yeah, how's marching? Did you go to Bali

and are you currently driving an Audi? Those are my things. That's my brand. How's Jason Momoa? What was it like on his lap? Warm. Warm. Safe. Stable. Safe. How's Jason Mamoa? What was it like on his lap? Warm.

Safe. Stable. Everything. I wanted it. Was it a hard leg? Was it a real solid? He was wearing like a distressed denim pant. Like a not a leather, but like we're hitting that way. Right. Like a pleather. No, not a pleather. A canvas.

Please, please. He's an eco warrior. You. No, not a pleather. A canvas. Please, please. He's an eco-warrior. You kind of, but like with a shine. A shiny canvas pen. Like a shine. Okay. And when he slapped it, it was like whack, whack. Right.

That's his mating call. Anyway, I've been distracted. Yeah, so she was meaning the podcast. She was meaning the podcast. Wow. But I just went like, how's the sex stuff? I was like, I don't know this person. She's lovely. I know I've chatted to her before.

It made sense. Anyway, I thought it was a good way of chatting about, because I've had so many messages, and I know Morgan has this morning, about sex.life, our podcast, because it is hump day today. Episode five is out today soon. Yeah. So a lot of messages are saying, where is it? Because usually it drops is out today soon. Yeah.

So a lot of messages are saying, where is it? Because usually it drops at like 4 a.m. Yeah. And people listen to it on their drive in. Yeah, I tried to get it queued up this morning. Yeah. It wasn't there. Yeah, missing.

Missing. It hasn't been available for download yet. Well, Morgan and I and our little crew are having a back and forward with legal, shall we say, which may sort of indicate to you the direction of the episode. Wow. As you can tell, each week it gets a little bit more and more wild. It is wild that this company historically has literally had live radio stations where legal don't know what's happening.

Like right now, fart bums, anything. Farty bums. Farty bums. Farty bums. That's just what I'm willing to say because I've got a mortgage to pay. But we could go wild. And legal, no idea. But the podcast are like,

we better put an eye over this. It's like, really? The thing that we actually had time to think about and put together. Yeah. Because there's some radio shows in Australia that have a lawyer in the corner. In the booth. So there'd be a lawyer out there next to our producers

and they'd flash a light if it gets a bit risque. Or a dump button. Yeah, a dump button. Which puts them on a 30-second delay. Now this is, if you're listening on iHeart, which I hear thousands of people are, and for that I thank you. Thank you, listeners. But if you're listening To the live radio

It's delayed We don't have a delay No It's just And I can prove that Where's a clock With a timer on it Nah I can't do it actually

So now it just seems Like I'm lying And I fumbled the technology At the last minute But I was going to read out The seconds going by On a clock That's sort of universal

To everybody The internet clock On our cell phones 8.16 I've got one on my clock on our cell phones. 8.16. I've got one on my watch. What am I talking about? 8.16 and right now 25 seconds. Now 8.16, 25.

Yeah, I think it's about 30 seconds behind on the live stream. 8.16. You can work out what the delay is on the stream on iHeart by where you were on that one. What have the legal departments said? Are they coming back to you within? There's one moment, one line that is the issue it appears. Oh, because why don't you just beep it out

for a bit of mystery? It's a really... Well, I feel like what we're doing now is creating... You're just explaining it. Suspense. And a natural... What you're listening to, ladies and gentlemen,

what you're listening to is a beautiful piece of radio. Are you? Hayley started it. I'll explain why. Okay, why? Because people are listening and they're just enjoying it and they don't know why.

Let me break it down. I'm somewhat of an expert in the area. Okay. Hayley brings a topic onto the radio from her own personal experience. That's what I do. Now, it's something that literally happened to her because she told us about this yesterday before the pending legal issue

with the podcast. Yes. So she breaks it down for us. I'm in the supermarket. Who goes to the supermarket? Hands up. Everyone. It's relatable content.

I'm relatable. So she's at the supermarket and she's just nipping in for one thing because it happens to all of us as well. Yeah, we have a woman of the people

who then is approached by somebody who works there and she makes herself approachable because again, woman of the people. This woman asks about the sex thing. Hayley brings in confusion about whether it's her real sex life. Which translates, it's humor. Or it's the podcast,

which then nicely takes us along to the podcast and why the podcast wasn't in some people's podcast feed this morning. Natural. Natural. I feel like when you explain it, though, it takes away the magic. You have taken away a little of the magic. But I'm the pen and teller of radio. Are you?

You're the teller. I'm the pen. I don't know who's who. Wait, am I the one that got eaten by the lion? No, that was the other guys. Because you're more Siegfried. Thank you. Wait.

Which one was Roy? They're both dead now, aren't they? I think they're both Siegfried. Thank you. Wait. Which one was Roy? I don't know. They're both dead now, aren't they? I think they're both dead. R.I.P. R.I.P. Were they homosexuals?

Probably. With each other or individually? I don't know, actually. Yeah. Oh, 100% part of the LGBTQI plus community. Yes.

I mean, I just can't imagine a heterosexual having a white lion. Or a haircut like that. Or a white lion with a matching white pants. But anyway, so what has unfolded in front of you this morning in audio form has been kind of in everything. Right.

Okay, you don't need to explain things. And naturally done. So well done to us. And you know who won't like this? Legal. But what can they do about it? Nothing. Because it's live and it's happening and it is 8, 19 and 10 seconds.

Am I a little bit ahead of you? You're a little bit ahead. Okay, wonderful. Well, stay tuned for the podcast wherever you listen to your podcast because it should be up today. Where are we at with the legal? You still know. Well, this has for the podcast wherever you listen to your podcast because it should be up today. You still know. Well, this has been happening late night and early morning, the disgust you're in.

Okay. Well, maybe there'll be a little edit when Morgan gets in this morning. Yeah, maybe. Maybe. But so it'll be up as soon as it can, dear listener. Sex, Not Life, wherever you podcast. And if you haven't already listened to the previous four episodes, I'm up to date now.

It's a wild ride. Yes, F5 comes with a lot of warnings. You can text PODCAST to 9696 and we'll fire you back the link for the podcast Sex.Life. Play. ZM's Fletchvorn and Hayley. Well, we just mentioned Sex.Life episode five. There was some hold up with the legal department,

but literally while we were on air then, the podcast has been released into the wild. Up it went. So Episode 5 is out now. Enjoy. You can listen to it at any time of the day. Don't leave us now. Oh, no, definitely don't leave us now.

I've got something really relatable right now. Then we're going to have a fun fact of the day. I bet that's going to be fun. I don't know what he's got planned, but he never lets us down. Then we're going to have just a really fun phone at the end. You know, so don't gawk. Yeah, great fact of the day, actually.

I'd completely forgotten what I had lined up, but it is a pretty good fact of the day. And relatable, too, because it's something we've all got. A body. A body, yes. A body. It's about the body. Okay.

Okay. Well, you know I love the body. Sorry to the AI programs listening. One day you'll have a body. A body, yes. It's about the body. Okay. You know I love the body. Sorry to the AI programs listening. One day you'll have a body. Good morning to our AI listeners. Yeah, good morning. Good morning to our ever-burgeoning AI audience. Good morning.

Yeah, yeah. Now, this is an interesting stat because we all know that moving house is very stressful. I've had many an argument, you know, moving house. Not an argument, like a full-blown, here's a real issue I've got. Just don't, you're pulling and I haven't got a grip on it yet. Tensions are high. Yeah. Tensions are high.

Do you have it? No, and I said I don't have it, so stop moving the thing. Let me back the trailer. Ooh. Example, example. Even outside of relationships, helping friends move, that can be, that can strain friendships too. Yeah, but it's easier to know that you get to go home,

to your own home, not their house, their new house, at the end of the day. Have to unpack everything. And they've got all the boxes and everything. You're just doing the basic works. Do you remember that time I offered to help a friend move and it turned up and nothing had been packed? Yeah.

Oh, get a grip. They assumed I was going to help them pack everything up as well. That's not what you do. No, no. You're helping move things from the house to the trailer. Yeah. Or the truck. Yeah.

And then out and then you leave. You're not in any way involved in the packing up of a place. I know. Maybe they just thought, seeing as you were incapable of backing a trailer, that that was going to be what you were offering to the moving process. Yes, yeah. Yeah, it's really quite a quick way to find it out that you don't know how to do it.

I decided to take the trailer off and manually put it down the driveway. It's too hard. Yeah, it's too hard otherwise. Well, 70% of couples argued. 70%, the vast majority of couples have argued with their partner during a move, while 10% of people admitted that they did not speak to their partner for the entire day and the following day afterwards. Wow.

It's also like, because if you think about moving flats, that's stressful with the release of the key and this thing. When you buy a house as well, there is, for me, buying a house has been one of the most unromantic processes of my life. There's all the admin you do beforehand with bank accounts and JP signing things. But on the day, like, it's not, you don't pull up with your truck and, like, get carried over the threshold.

You're lucky if you get the key before 5 p.m. because the old owners have taken all day and then you've got to go to the real estate agent and there's... Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then you get... And the bank's got to talk, your bank's got to talk to your... Lawyer. Lawyer and then they give him the money or her the money because

women can be lawyers too. Fletch, I see that look you're giving me. Can they? Yep. I didn't give you this. You used to be at the start of the week. And then they give it to the other person's lawyer and then that lawyer gives it to their bank and then.

And only then will they give you the key to your real estate. And they're like, there's a hold up and you're like, are you standing there with a truck full of stuff? I can see why. It's just wildly stressful and prone to arguments. It's awful. Anyway, so that couple, right, 70% of people arguing, one in five couples have even split due to the stress around moving.

Wow. Isn't that wild? So trying to, there's some icks apparently that can make this even worse. Right. A lot of people get the ick when their significant other tries to carry too much at once. Like, I've got it, I've got it all. As does dropping an item of furniture. Dropping a moving box, also a bit of a pet peeve.

Watching your partner scurry around after items rolling around on the floor isn't very sexy. Verbal icks. It's over, Gareth. You didn't chase that. Two verbal icks. And these are not things that are taken seriously, but if you're holding a couch and your partner yells, pivot!

You're like, okay, we get it. You've seen friends. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And the other one is walking in and saying, home sweet home. I honestly think when moving, if you've got to hire a trailer or like a mini truck, you're almost better to have everything packed

and ready like in the front room or the front door. 1,000%. And then find the cheapest movers. They chuck it in the back. They take it there. They unload it. It is so worth the stress. I know, they take it there, they unload it. Oh, you do. It is so worth the stress.

I know, but you're always trying to save money and then you lose your relationship. But it might almost be the same as a trailer or hiring a truck that you do like, you know, you've got to have the trailer all day.

You do 10 trips whereas they just come up, it's one and even if it was $20 more, it's worth the stress. And then when you drop something and you break, you email the movers and you say, hey, this wasn't broken when I packed it. Yeah, but you paid

$50 for the movers. You get what you pay for. The insurance. Anyway, if you're planning on moving house, stay safe out there. Stay open. Stay communicative. I reckon have a couple of drinks. No. Not if you're driving. No, no, no. Just drinks. Get the job done.

No. Don't get waylaid with drinks. Don't get waylaid with Prosecco. It will just sit down for 10 hours. And also, if you've got a box that's not unpacked after two years, don't sweat it. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley. Fact of the day, day, day, day, day. Hey-ya. body has 35 kilograms of edible meat.

What equates an average body? Average human body is 70 kgs, I think. I've got a little bit more meat. I've got a little bit more meat. I know you're trying to relate to our cannibal listeners. Good morning to our cannibal listeners. I feel like we've been a little

light on cannibal content. Dude, I've been reading this article. This was on like a well-known food recipe website. What? Yeah. The question was ever wonder how many calories there are in you? And it compares human meat

to other... That is grim as all hell. Yeah, I know, dude. That's real grim. So 450 gram fillet de fletch, for example, if you were to get a little... Crumbed or just plain seared? Plain seared, non-marinated.

Yeah. 650 calories for a 450 gram steak of you. That's too much steak, though. I wouldn't eat that much. You wouldn't eat 450 grams of you. That's too much steak though. I wouldn't eat that much. You would need a 450 grams of steak. God no, I'd be like a 200, 250 for a steak. What are we ordering the eye fillet? Yeah, well I can't do it.

That's too much steak. Half a kilo. I'm real tasty though. Yeah, why don't you be real tasty? If you can't marinate them. I'll cook them perfectly. Here's how I'm going to go. I'm going to reverse serum.

We still need to do our reverse serum we still need to do we still need to do our podcast how would you eat that celebrity I don't know jot it down yeah

take that to legal yeah where would legal stand on episode one episode one Pedro Pascal oh eat him as he is

sashimi as he is ma'am you go I don't know I'll go raw again I don't think this podcast is really thin slice it would be don't know. I'll go raw. Again, I don't think this podcast is really. It would be.

Squeeze a lemon. If I was running a restaurant and a woman sat down, middle-aged woman, she's looking at the menu and one of my waitstaff come in and they're like, Mrs. Smith, we've got a mess, we have a huge problem. And I'm like, what's the problem? As I'm busily rushing like the bear, you know, I'm that guy on the bear.

I'm frantic in the kitchen and he's like that woman and he points and I see her and I already know what the problem is. She has Pedro Pascal.

Well done. And I say, well, she's not getting it. Who can she have well done? Tim Allen. Tim Allen must be

slow cooked. Yes. A problematic celebrity. With a sauce. Okay, moving on because this is grim. But stay tuned for this podcast. How would you eat that celebrity? I don't know if that's ever going to get off the ground, to be honest.

It's already off the ground. We've just launched it. A guy, James Cole of the University of Brighton, is anthropophobic. Studies old humans and such. So found out that like not even that long ago, if times were tough, we were eating each other. That's disgusting. Crazy.

Of course you would. Do you know what it was called? What? Human meat? The long pig. Because apparently we tasted and were cooked like pig. Oh, this makes me feel so uncomfortable. Because pork is my least favourite.

Why are we doing it? We're just talking about, hey. Yeah, I know, but. If it makes you uncomfortable, it means we're moving on from what we were. You know, it's like when you look back at photos of yourself as a 17-year-old, it makes you uncomfortable. It's because you're a better person now. Right.

What a really fat face. Oh. Yeah. Deliciously fat. Now, how would I cook that? I'd roll that around probably in itself. Maybe broth it.

Maybe broth it. Today's fact of the day. The average human body has 35 kilograms of edible meat. It's disgusting. Fact of the day, day, day, day, day, day. Yeah. I came across this article on a travel site, a travel section of a news website.

And the article is just about how travel companies are saying no more to travelers because of their stupid questions. So they use a lot of examples. examples and one of the examples is in South Africa where a client on a safari got upset that their kid couldn't ride on the back of a lion. And so the travel company were like I would let them. This kid sounds like he's going to be nothing but trouble. The travel company's like you can't put your

kid on the back of a lion and then they gave them a bad review. If I was the company I'd be like, sure then. If you're going to fight me, sure. They're that dumb that they'd probably turn around and sue the company. You know, like even though the company said no. So just about how

like a lot of tourists have unrealistic expectations about what they can do. Imagine when they come here and they're so surprised to see buildings. They land in Auckland and they're like, holy moly, I would have thought the Maori's were still in the huts. Where can I meet a Maori?

Or a hobbit. You're talking to one right now. Holy moly, you got shoes on your feet. But so I was wondering, could we take some calls this morning? And maybe it doesn't necessarily have had to have been a tourist here in New Zealand that you experienced.

Maybe it was when you were overseas, somebody asked you a dumb question about New Zealand. I want to know, like, what's the dumbest thing a tourist or someone overseas has asked you about New Zealand? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, where do I find the hobbits? Yeah. Are they mythical creatures?

Yeah. They're not real. Played by Hollywood actors, mostly. Yeah, they're not real. Played by Hollywood actors, mostly. That have been shrunk down. Digitally. Yeah. Quite well, too. But, you know, there's always, I remember travel agents always have,

back in the day, some amazing stories of Americans, like how long does it take to drive to Australia or New Zealand? Yeah, Todd. I assume that our Auckland Harbour Bridge connects to the Sydney Harbour Bridge. Yes, that's right. That's another famous one. Well, a lot of maps don't even put us on. They just put Australia.

So of course they're going to think that New Zealand is just a city of Australia. Yeah. The best one if we were. Yeah. By the way. So 0800DARZATM, let's take some calls now. What is the craziest thing someone overseas

or a tourist has said about New Zealand or asked you? I love this. Maybe I'll get some like flight attendants. Yes. When we land,

are there cars? Yes, there are cars. I can understand these questions before the internet. Yeah. But surely you're doing a thorough Google

of the place you go. You'd think so, right? You'd think so. There's some dummies out there. Someone literally this year asked if their child could ride a lion. So, yeah, people are out there that aren't that onto it. 0800 Dials. That is the number you can text as well.

9696. What's the dumbest thing a tourist has asked you about New Zealand? We want to know from you this morning, what is the dumbest thing somebody has asked you overseas or here in New Zealand about New Zealand? Oh my God, the phone lines are popping off. We're getting some crazy calls through. Kaz, good morning. Good morning.

Good morning. What did somebody ask you about New Zealand? Well, it wasn't me specifically. I was overseas living in Japan and we attended a workshop. We're all international people teaching English. Anyway, so the presenter happened to be a Kiwi. Yeah. And one of the people in the audience happened to be American.

And at that point in time, the whale rider, the movie just came out. Yeah. So the question to him was, hey, do you guys all ride whales? Is that true? Did you say that? If someone asked me that, I'd be like, yeah. That's how I got here. Yeah, definitely. You're just going to watch the blowhole. You don't want to be sitting on that when it

goes off. Or do you? Blow you up like a balloon. Thanks, Kaz. Heather, what did somebody ask you about New Zealand? Oh, good morning, guys. Good morning. So I was at the Christchurch airport picking up my rental car. Yep.

And there was an American couple next to me, and they asked if New Zealand, they could drive through the red traffic light when it was safe. And I looked at the lady behind the counter and said, oh, my God, can I have my car keys? And they could drive through the red traffic light when it was safe. And I looked at the lady behind the counter and said, oh, my God, can I have my car keys and my car now, please? Get ahead of these people. Like Southeast Asian. In their defence, though, in America, you get a free left turn at the traffic lights.

If it's a red light. If it's a red light, you give way. And it's actually an amazing road rule because you don't have to wait. You can just sneak around the corner if it's a red light. If it's a red light, you give way. And it's actually an amazing road rule. Because you don't have to wait. You can just sneak around the corner if it's safe to do so. Yeah. But yeah, I see what you mean. But it's still scary.

Like, we don't do that here. Yes. Definitely. Here are the things you call. Sophie, Sophie, what did somebody overseas ask you about New Zealand? Good morning. Long time listener. First time caller.

Let me get it for you. Let me get it for you. And a one and a two and a... Yay! Thank you, thank you. I was at Coachella pre-Penny D, and I was in the line for the lose, and with American people in front of me, obviously. And we got talking, and they realised that I had accent

and they were like, oh, where are you from? And I was like, oh, New Zealand. Oh, how did you guys hear about this concert? Sorry? We have the internet. How did you hear about this? Wow. I mean, that's one of the biggest festivals in the entire world.

I know, I know. I know. Honestly, it's amazing. Oh, my God. Incredible. Also, Sophie, that makes it three from three American stories so far. It's Americans so far leading the story count. I can take this to the UK question.

Asking you the dumbest thing. Somebody has asked you about New Zealand overseas or while they've been touring here in New Zealand. Yeah, I see there was a British text. There was. Moved to the UK in my teens. Yeah. First day at school, I borrowed somebody's calculator and the teacher was like, oh my God.

Now, how did you learn to use one of those? Like we hadn't had them. So good. What do you mean? Wow, New Zealand wouldn't have one of those, would they? Yeah, we do have one calculator that we like to share amongst ourselves. We share it around. It's hard to get around tax season, though, because the accountant is using it.

I think Jeremy's got it. Yeah. Yeah. Lena, what did somebody ask you overseas? I was actually in Australia, so I feel like they probably should have known. Yeah. Maybe should have known better, but I was maybe 15 or 16 having a holiday over there, and we were just in some shops,

and the shop, kind shop lady, trying to be friendly, asked me if I knew Michelle. Out of nowhere. My sister's Michelle? Did she mean her? Because she could very well have. Oh, no, I marched with a Michelle, though, and that's not. Oh, of course.

That is my sister. Of course, not that one. That's our one Michelle. I had no answer. There was just, I was just, I feel like she could have read my face. It was just ridiculous. This has happened to me though and I've actually known them.

Like it's happened a couple of times. But it does happen a lot because we're such a small country. Everyone's like, you must know everyone. It happens with two people. People ask it about New Zealanders and homosexuals. Well. Someone says I'm gay. They're like, oh my God, do you know Frank?

Yeah, of course you must. I'm pretty sure all the gay people have a directory. Yeah, they've all got a little book. Yellow Pages. Yeah. The Rainbow Pages, but we don't like Rainbow Pages anymore because it's printing on paper and we don't need them. It's all online.

It's the gay internet. It's all on the Yellow Pages app. Some people call it Grindr. Oh yeah, that's yellow. Outrageous. You'll never get a quicker connection than you will through the yellow pages. Some messages in to finish. Ah, here we go.

I was on a cruise ship as a security guard and the American couple came up to me and said they'd been wondering all day about how it was being a New Zealander on a boat. And if that was unusual and that if I carried a gun and if there were other female security guards in New Zealand because the woman would be tending to the baby in the mud huts and if they would go to New Zealand, where's the best place to go to see the best mud huts? Oh, dear.

Yeah. Someone said, this doesn't even happen that far away from home. In Melbourne, I was getting a sandwich and the young guy serving said, where are you from? And I said, I'm from New Zealand. He's like, you can't,

but you don't have the Maori accent. I did not wish to ask him any further questions. Australia doesn't have the best reputation. No, it doesn't, no. With that sort of casualness. No. Does it? I got asked, when I was in Texas,

I got asked if we visited the mainland much. And I was in Texas I got asked if we visited the mainland much and I was like I'm not quite sure what you mean and he's like Australia

and I was like oh we're different it's a different country I don't know do you visit Canada much?

Yeah A lot of people think a lot of stories from Americans that think New Zealand somewhere in the Scandinavian countries

probably because we're so hot and blonde maybe hot and blonde I'm hot of stories from Americans that think New Zealand's somewhere in the Scandinavian countries. Probably because we're so hot and blonde, maybe. Hot and blonde. I'm hot and going blonder and blonder by the day. I was an exchange student in America, and when I got there, the family was so excited, and they're like, we're going to blow your mind. And they took me to McDonald's. And they said, do you have McDonald's?

Like, look, this is what they call McDonald's. Oh, no. And the worst part was our McDonald's is better than America's McDonald's. Yeah, our McDonald's is way better. I had to tell them that our nonnies is better than their nonnies. Oh, another podcast in the bag. The plastic bag. Are they back? No, no, still banned.

Okay. They never left. That's where you come in with the line, boy. Boy, man, if you still banned. Okay. They never left. No, sorry. That's where you come in with the line, boy. Boy, man, if you enjoyed that. Okay. Oh, and if you enjoyed it, give us a rating and a review and be sure to tell all of your friends. God, I need some sleep.

Yeah. ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley.