ZM's Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley - Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley's Big Pod - 17th October 2023

Episode Date: October 16, 2023

Silly Little Poll!  Top 6: 48 Oysters  Teaspoon Study  Aaron's Tradie Lunch  The Impossible Phoner!  Hayley's Christmas Tree  Fact of the Day Day Day Day Daaaaay!See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

The ZM Podcast Network. The Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley Big Pod. Treat yourself to McCafe coffee with my Macca's rewards. Good morning, welcome to the show, Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley. It's two minutes past six. Got a new skirt. Do you want to see it? Yep.

It's black. It looks exactly like all of your other black sacks. Well, me and the girlies went shopping. I was going to say it's for the first time. It's not the first time me and the girlies have been shopping together. But we went shopping yesterday at Moochie. Because Moochie's dressing us for Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley Live. That's nice.

Who's dressing Vaughan and I for Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley Live? We said, and I said with love, they said, well, what do you want to do? And I said, look, I'm going to be sitting next to two blokes who are going to be ultimate casual. She's like, well, how casual are we talking? Probably jeans and a nice T-shirt. Well, I've asked Olivia Rodriguez, Rodrigo, Jesus, I've really cocked that up, haven't I?

Rodrigo's album for one of her T-shirts. Yeah. Jesus Christ. Just to be totally honest, I love the album. It might be my album of the year. It's so good. The unexpected pop sleeper hits. I know.

Big 90s influence. You could have worn the bloody RM Williams in a nice set of slacks. Fletch, but... Yeah, they don't have the RMs anymore. Yeah. I feel my RMs are too formal to pair with the jean. They don't have

a sort of a casual... You could wear a suit, guys. You could wear a suit. Absolutely not. It's a live show. It's sitting. It's sitting. We're going to be sitting.

Even I wore somewhat of a suit for my solo show. Yeah, but you were standing. You were never sitting. It's so uncomfortable sitting in a suit. Well, you might have to get some fancy sponsorship

like the girls have for Mochi. Well, we can get it. Why don't we just get Barker's on board and we'll get you in a nice... It'll be too nice. Well, what? AS Colour? Yes.

Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. That's more like it. You can't beat it. Oh, God.

No, you can't. Just all the classics. All the classics. Right. The top six is coming up. There is a story. A lady went on a date with a man, and it was cheap oyster night.

Okay. At this restaurant. She ordered four dozen oysters and proceeded to smash 48 oysters, and that was just the entree. Fuck out. Yuck. I love oysters. Me too.

Yuck. Not 48 of them. 48. Not when it's like cheap oyster night, because I'm like, why are they cheap? Yeah. I don't cheat.

Seafood's not something you cut corners on. No. So he abandoned the date. He went to the bathroom and he abandoned the date after she pounded 48 oysters. I've got the top six alternatives that guy had to bouncing after 48 oysters. Next on the show.

What else could he have done? Play. ZM's Fletchvorn and Hayley. What else could he have done? With like AI and online and the interwebs and stuff, you'd feel like places are moving further away from a bricks and mortar shop. Meaning, you know, your storefront, your actual physical shop

that you walk into and purchase things from. But Netflix, of all people, are apparently in works to have a store, like a number of stores around America, Los Angeles, New York. Yeah. Where they are going to sell things. And everyone was like, what is Netflix going to sell? Like memberships. Get a grip.

Yes, they're going to sell memberships, but also they're going to offer food items, merchandise and different experiences tied to Netflix shows and films. So you can do like a Stranger Things AI thing or something. Yeah, or just all the Stranger Things merch. Merch from all the TV shows.

You could go and be a handmaid. No, that's not even on Netflix. No, that wasn't on Netflix. from all the TV shows. You could go and be a handmaid. Who would want that? No, no, that's not even on Netflix. No, that wasn't on Netflix. Oh God, well they wouldn't have

handmaids today. That's neon store next door. Do you know what it... You, Wednesday, Sex Education, on Netflix. Do you know what it sounds like? Do you remember

Planet Hollywood? Yep. That's exactly what it sounds like or a hard rock kind of vibe. Yeah, yeah, like lots of stuff. Like show merch. I always really liked those. I always really liked those.

Went once in every eighth Blue Moon. I don't think I've been to a Planet Hollywood. I've definitely been to a couple of hard rocks. Are they still around? I don't think Planet Hollywoods are. But there was a Planet Hollywood on Queen Street. The Flash building right, yeah, you know in that awful metro centre on Queen Street in Auckland.

How dare you? It's the house of one of my favourite places to drink. So there, you know the round... Was it a Starbucks and there used to be a BK downstairs? That round bit... Yes. On the corner, that was Planet Hollywood. Yeah.

And that was at the end of the 90s, early 2000s. Yeah, was it Sylvester Stallone? Bruce Willis. A whole lot of Hollywood celebs made this change. I think this is before I started coming to Auckland. Oh, yeah. But it went under pretty quickly, I think. But it was like that kind of... Well, we've got nothing to do with Hollywood.

So there's still one at Planet Hollywood, Las Vegas Resort and Casino. But is that different? I mean, it's the same name, so... Yeah. Yeah. But yeah, same kind of vibe. It was a lot of like movie kind of stuff

in a fast food restaurant. Was it a fast food? It wasn't fast food, but it was a restaurant. Burgers and fries and stuff. Yeah, it was like a hard rock cafe. Yeah. So shit food, and you want to pay double the price for it.

Yeah, so it'll be shit food, double the price. Yeah, well, this is what it sounds like. Stranger Things burgers. Netflix's vice president of consumer products said they're very confident. We've seen how much fans love to absolutely immerse themselves in the world of movies and TV shows. And so they want to take that to the next level.

So yeah, I think you're right. You're spot on with what it sounds like it's going to be. God, we don't need that kind of food again. No. You know, Hard Rock Cafe, I remember the worst when I went to an Oslo in Norway. Yeah. And it was a Hard Rock Cafe.

So expensive. Just the worst food, like chicken wings and burgers and stuff. And it was like a hundred bucks. Yeah. And then there'd just be a cabinet and they'd be like, here's a guitar pick from you too. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're like, cool. Yeah, awesome.

Here's a drumstick. Yeah. My brother-in-law and one of his best mates worked there When it was in Auckland And I've talked about what merch New Zealand had and it was real shit Yeah I bet Because they had to stack the big planet Hollywoods with the good stuff Sylvester Stallone's Judge Dread Helmet

Was in one of them All the actors that owned it The white singlet that Bruce Willis wore in the first Die Hard. Yeah. And all that. I think we had like Arnie's bandana from Predator or something like that. And it probably wasn't even.

It was just a camo bandana. Awesome. Well, look forward to that. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley, silly little pole, silly little pole. It is so silly, silly, silly that the silly little pole, silly little pole, silly little pole, silly little pole, silly little pole. Silly little pole. An opinion was raised online that flatmates who should be flatmates who work from home, still working from home, spend the majority of the

maybe pop in for a half a day here or there into the office, but working from home, should they be paying more rent? Because and I guess utilities, because they're using more power, though they're all day. But rent personally, I don't think so, because you're paying

rent for however many hours you're there. Just because you're sleeping at your partner's house four nights a week, it doesn't mean you can go home and be like, guys, I've only been here half the week. Yeah, you don't clock in and clock off, do you? No, exactly. That's not the agreement. But I remember when I flattered and I lived in a five-bedroom house and there were usually between five to ten of us there,

and one girl was always there because she worked funny hours, and in the winter she just kept the heater going the whole time, you know, like her own personal heater. Yeah. And when you're real broke, as I was at the time... You're paying the heat somewhere else's feet. That kind of stuff irks you because you're like... Yeah.

So I've just done some quick Googling. The average New Zealand cost for electricity residential use, 30.22 cents per kilowatt. The average laptop uses 3 to 20 watts per hour. See, this guy sounds like an asshole to me. Can you see what he's just saying? Then just be like, hey, Hayley, don't use your fan. Don't use your fan heater.

Put on warmer clothes. The average laptop users. This is where he lives by himself. That's $48 a day. If you're using it 1,600 watts a day. No, it's not. No, it's not. That seems too absurd.

If you use your laptop for eight hours, you will consume 24 to 1,600 watts a day on a laptop. And how much does that come to a day? $48. No way. That's too much. That's too much. That's absolute high end.

Dude, we, the Smiths, use power. And we make no apologies for it. Power. We pay a huge power bill every month. Ours isn't even $48 a day. That's insane. That would be way too much, right? Yeah.

Well, 48 times 10 is 480 times by three, just shy of $1,500 a month power. No, I think your calculations are up to ship, mate. And you're not in charge of the flat finances anymore. Pass me the Air Force card. Yeah, I don't want to live with you. I don't want to live with you. But, I mean, you know.

It felt like a fun idea at the time. It's still going to be more than your other flatmates are paying though, isn't it? Yeah, but that's a utility situation. What a nightmare to start working it out. Oh my God. Unless you're going to get, you know, you can get those little power usage things that you plug into the wall and then you plug your appliance into that. Oh, okay.

No. No, yeah. Oh God. I just fluff up my towels and use the dryer for my sheets just to make it even yeah so would I but like you work from home I get to fluff up my sheets and you have to line dry

they'll be fluffing up their sheets when you're not home though no they have to have crisp towels I don't think flats should have dryers they've got to have line flats shouldn't have dryers no 100% you need to let the mould grow

from the clothes horse as well that's actually penicillin so no and what you do is when it's your turn to use the clothes horse, you just dump all the clothes that your flatmate owns

that have been on there for a week off regardless of their moisture content. Still moist. In the basket. Still a little poll. Should flatmates who work from home pay more rent?

27% of people said yes. 73% said no. Let's delve into the comments. Let's. Tessa said, not more rent but maybe more power since their computer, printer, etc. will be powered all day at the house. Let's. Tessa said, not more rent, but maybe more power since their computer,

printer, et cetera, will be powered all day at the house. Good luck splitting up utilities. Yeah, good for you. That's what I'll say. Like, there's always someone who showers for a piss-takingly long amount of time. It's me.

It's me. And good luck working out how to make them pay more water and power. Yeah. Should your unemployed flatmate who lies on the couch watching TV all day also pay more, says Sarah. Oh, wow. We've struck a chord with Sarah.

Wow. Okay. She's banged the funny bone right on the edge of the couch that she's in the corner of because the unemployed person's still lying on the couch. Yeah. Paulina says, nope, they're not using any more rooms, are they? Same argument, someone's away on holiday, should they pay less? Actually had one flatmate when we were renting

who just decided he wouldn't pay his rent for the month that he was away since he wasn't there. Who's raising these people? You can't just go to Europe and be like, you guys, good luck with my room rent. And you can't sublet it to a stranger that you haven't given all the flatmates a chance to veto. Yeah.

If a flatmate's like, when you're away, a friend's looking for temporary accommodation, what a perfect solution. Yeah, they can cover you. What an ideal solution. Love a flatmate's like, when you're away, a friend's looking for temporary accommodation, what a perfect solution. Yeah, they can cover you. What an ideal solution. Love a sublet. Yeah, you can't sublet without checking with everybody. No.

But don't check with the landlord because they'll make a fuss. No, just keep this between us. That sounds like an effing nightmare to try and calculate the proportions of rent and utilities. What if the person who doesn't work from home is home on annual leave or sick for a couple of extra days a week? Do they pay more rent that way? Yes, a couple of dollars a day.

Oh, this is a nice little thing. Oh, my God. I hope I never have to go back, honestly. And good luck to our renters at the moment. Oh, yeah, you're in for a... Rules are about to change. Turbulent time. Fletch, you're...

I'm actually quite looking forward to the mould coming back. You own your house. Your apartment's too hot. Are you talking about your slums? Have you seen Fletch's slums? I haven't seen his slums. Beautiful cinderblock unit. I don't have any. Concrete floor, concrete walls. This is not true. Zero insulation.

This is absolutely a lie. No extractor fans. He's got no extractor fans. I don't believe in ventilation. Because the cinder blocks have nice holes all through them. And when he was putting up jib, it was too expensive, so he put up secondhand MDF. Yeah, which is all puffed up with water. Bingo, to hide the asbestos.

So, I mean, this guy is running a tight unit. And watch out because your rent's about to go up 20%. I do not have any rentals. Get out of it. It depends, says Olivia. Yes, if they're using another bedroom as an office, but no if they're just working from communal areas. That's like asking if flatmates without social lives should pay more, said Amy.

Okay, wow. Imagine dropping that on your anti-social flatmate. I love that. Dude, you're just here all the time. I think you should pay more rent. That is wild. Get out. Go for a walk.

That is wild, wild, wild. That's a little poll. Play it. ZM's Fletch Vaughan and Hayley. I remember around about 2000, maybe. Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no. Okay, the first ever butter chicken I ever tried was from my favourite Indian restaurant in the whole of New Zealand, Maharajas in Petone, Lower Hutt.

And they had a butter chicken, just your standard Kiwi butter chicken. And they also did a lemon honey butter chicken. And I used to get that. A lemon honey? You'll hate it. Fletch, you will love it. Too sweet.

Yeah, good stuff. So where was the lemon honey? In the rice or in the butter chicken? No, no, no. So take away your orange. Take away your tomato. Take away all of those spices. Like a Chinese lemon honey chicken.

No, no, no. Like a creamy. Oh, I don't like it. Do go on. Every now and then when I go back to Petone with my best friend and we go to Maharaja's, which is our tradition every year. Yeah. I'll get it.

As a side to be like, remember. And it was this like Creamy blend We simply must We simply must We commandeer a black thunder We do this I would say Don't get it

Exclusively Because it's not It's not a meal This is what I You get it I'll try it We'll try it Yep

But that was my first That would go well With our new Dipping nuggies In butter chicken Oh my god Which I did He tried

I forgot You were out of the room I told these guys yesterday Oh my god He tried it We were out of the room. I told these guys yesterday. Oh my God. He tried it. We got Indian at the weekend. The girls,

my children love butter chicken. It's so good. They've declared it their favourite food. Yeah. Which, you know, I couldn't be prouder. Yeah. Why don't we work our way up to a hot Rogan Josh with them?

Yeah, you're going to start, they're starting much earlier than I did. Way earlier. Way earlier. So I was like, Shade was ordering it. I was like, I'm just going to chuck some nuggets in the oven.

She's like, what are you talking about? I was like, hell yeah, boy. And then I cooked like 15 nuggets. That's enough for everybody to have a couple. And everybody was just like, yeah, dude,

those rules. Those rules, dude. Because the chicken about a chicken isn't crispy like a nugget. Yeah. And crisped up. Big dip. Okay, good.

I knew that would be a good combo. And fat, straight up fat rules. Yeah. And crisped up. Big dip. Okay, good. I knew that would be a good combo. It rules. And fat, straight up fat rules. Looking on Maharaja's website, this is a free promo by the way for my favourite restaurant. This, I think that's it. That's a bad colour. Very yellow. Now, so this was my first experience with Indian food and there is another white male

who has shared his very first time trying butter chicken on TikTok. Today we're trying Indian food. We got the butter chicken, the garlic naan, the onion bhajia, and this came with some sauce and a whole basin of rice.

Now let's try this butter chicken for the very first time. Holy crap! This might be the best thing I've ever tasted. How old is this guy it looks 20 2021 or something like that so he basically does these food reviews but i think he's like midwestern american like very not exposed to like any good food this is his first encounter with butter chicken he loves it man then he tries a na. Now let's try a piece of this garlic naan. It's paper

thin. That seasoning is out of this world. It has a nice garlic parmesan taste. It's thin bread, but it has so much flavor to it. In fact, this might be the best bread I've ever had in my life. It sounds like a roadie. It's more than a naan.

You didn't hear the crunch when he ate it. Roadie would have crunched. I just think it was a thin naan. Either good dipping. Either way, good dipping. Yeah. Wow, okay. This is Luke Foods on TikTok if you want to see it. It's really sweet and innocent, but I just love that his mind is blown.

I just, do we apologise to our Indian listeners this morning? What for? When he says, I'm trying Indian food for the first time. No, it's good. It's getting out there and he's spreading the word to the other people who grew up on Well, I'll apologise to trying Indian food for the first time. No, it's good. It's getting out there. And he's spreading the word to the other people who grew up on bland food. Well, I'll apologise to our Indian listeners for saying that my first experience with Indian food was a lemon honey cream-induced butter chicken. Yeah, I don't know.

I'll try it. I'll try it. See you soon, Petone. Play ZM's Fletchford and Ailey play ZM from the self-driving ZM think tank this is the top six maybe paint your little picture

for today's top six a TikTok user visited Fontaine's Oyster House in Atlanta in the US now she went on Oyster Tuesday which you can get $15 a dozen oysters, which is about $25 New Zealand dollars. She then,

so the guy that took on her date had apparently been quite keen to take her out on a date for some time. So she's like, this guy's eager. Yeah. So they're at the restaurant, $15 a dozen. Why not order four dozen oysters?

$15 a dozen. Yeah, so $25. So about $100 for 48 oysters. Not too bad. Not too bad. But not cheap for a reason. And that's a ton of... Oysters is like between Shada and I, we'll get a dozen.

We'll do six each. That's enough. That's enough. I love an oyster. One or two max. I can't do more than six. I love an oyster. You are always rolling the dice on an oyster.

Oh, yeah, baby. I think that's the exciting part. That's the exciting part. So she said she ordered four plates and had this to say about what happened. Yeah, when the fourth one came out, he was looking at me crazy. I didn't give a ****. I'm like, baby, you invited me out. I'm going to eat.

Why the **** does this bitch say he going to the bathroom and never come back? So that happens. Wait, so he just was like, that's too much. He went to the bathroom, excused himself, and then left. Left. She messages him saying, running out on a tab is crazy. And he replied saying, I offered to take you out for a couple of drinks and you ordered all that food. I can cash app you the total for the drinks,

but I ain't paying for the oysters. It is a wild move on her behalf. It's a bunch of wild moves. So I've got the top six. Today's top six is the top six other options that this guy had rather than abandoning his date after she ate 48 oysters. And these we could use in a date scenario?

Just a normal everyday? Not every, no, unless your date's ordering four dozen oysters. Okay. Number six on the list of the top six alternatives to bouncing on the date after she ordered 48 oysters. Hang around to see what else she can fit in there. That was literally just the entree. She said it later in the TikTok. She was just warming up.

What she got lined up for mains input. I mean, I'm just keen to see it. Then dash. I mean, you're full of bloody raw mollusks

at this point. Full of a snotty oyster. Number five on the list of the top six alternatives the guy had to abandon his date after four dozen oysters.

Go fool Mrs. Doubtfire. Go into the bathrooms and come out as a British nanny. And then literally just walk right past the table. Like she won't know. She's got oyster blindness on. She won't know that all of a sudden you're a Scottishy,

Northern English woman. Number four on the list, marry her immediately. Combine your assets. So then at least technically you're only paying for half of the oysters. After, yeah. Because you've got combined. Sounds like you've got a lot of expensive dinners in your future though.

Yeah, very much so. Number three on the list of the top six alternatives this guy had to abandon his date after she ate 48 oysters. Order four dozen more oysters. Try to find a limit on oysters. How many oysters can she fit? You're going to kill this woman? It's like when you go to a steak restaurant

and it's a 2kg steak and if you can eat it in the time thing, you get it for free. Maybe it's the same. If you can eat 100 of our oysters, pay for none of them. But if you vomit, you're out and you've got to pay for however many you ate. Yuck. Number two on the list are the top six alternatives to abandoning the date after she ate 48 oysters.

Fake your own death mid-restaurant. Might I recommend a severe shellfish allergy. Oh, yeah. Okay. Oh, okay. Oh yeah. Get carted out of there. You can't pay if you're in the back of an ambulance. And number one on the list of the top six alternatives this guy had to abandoning his date after she ate 48 oysters. Have her come back to your house afterwards.

Where not only is she super horny because of the 48 oysters. Oh yeah, aphrodisiac. But also likely to shit the bed when 48 oysters blow through the last half of her digestive tract. So what I'm saying is don't muck around. Don't take your time. Get in there and get what you need to get done and then get that. Actually, maybe go back to her house.

Yeah. Because then when she shits the bed, it's her own sheets. The sheets are her problem. Those are her sheets. Those are her problem. That is today's top six. ZM's Fletchvorn and Hayley. An old study has surfaced.

This is a study conducted and stored in the National Library of Medicine. Megan Lim was the research assistant. Margaret Hallard, the director. Campbell K. Aitken, senior research officer. I love Campbell K. Aitken's stuff. You, well, I can call it. Oh, big fan. Huge fan.

I don't know if you guys ever look at these but like when I sometimes it'll say I'll be looking for a fact of the day and I'll just have a rough account of the fact

on the link and I click on the link and it takes me to some intense study and you've got to go through and all sorts of things Campbell's other studies

include what are the risks and what can be done about HIV in prison intravenous drug use in Melbourne measures of harm reduction Studies include what are the risks and what can be done about HIV in prison. Intravenous drug use in Melbourne. Measures of harm reduction for people who inject drugs. Very serious stuff.

Amongst his most serious studies, the case of disappearing teaspoons, longitudinal cohort study of the displacement of teaspoons in an Australian research institute. It's about time. It's about time. So I'm imagining what teaspoons were going missing in this research lab. So he's like, oh, I'll put a stop to this. All this time they had tea room bereft of teaspoons.

So they dispatched a new batch and they disappeared within a few months. Yeah. Exasperated by our consequent inability to stir in our sugar and accurately dispense instant coffee, we decided to respond in time-honored epidemiologist's fashion and measure the phenomenon.

So they put it all into place, did all the stuff you're supposed to do. These people know how to conduct a study. So they put teaspoons, different sorts of teaspoons, in communal areas. So like the kitchenette here at work where everybody comes and works or specific tea rooms allocated to one specific area, senior management or one specific people,

case study, one thing. And then also a different quality of teaspoon. A very nice nice weighted teaspoon. Or those thin ones that go like real thin at the end. Like this one here and I play with it throughout the show and I'll bend it. And then I'll have to straighten it out before I put it back in the drawer.

We've just answered the case of the bloody missing teaspoons. It's all bendy stuff over here. No, I always put them back. They're bent. I just like to think somebody picks it up and is like, did someone bend this with their mind? It's not the teaspoons here at work. It's the forks that go missing.

I would like to see a study into forks as well. It's just people reheating their food, eating it, and then putting the fork in the container and taking it home. So this is what they found out. After five months, 80% of the teaspoons have disappeared. Gone. They were absolutely gone. So that gave them the half-life of teaspoons,

which half-life is usually reserved to things like the radioactivity of plutonium. Right. But they gave it to a teaspoon here. So that's the half-life of teaspoon because half of them had disappeared. They found out that communal rooms, the teaspoons disappeared a lot faster than specific areas, little tea situations for specific people. Because communal areas, the teaspoons disappeared a lot faster. And the quality of teaspoon made little to no difference.

Right. They also found that teaspoons weren't wandering. Because I don't think that people, the quality of teaspoon made little to no difference. Right. They also found that teaspoons weren't wandering. Because I don't think that people, quality wouldn't matter. People aren't taking them consciously. No. They're just getting lost into their stuff, their bag and stuff. They put the annual rate of

teaspoon loss per employee in this company, applied it to the entire workforce of the city of Melbourne, and estimated 18 million teaspoons are going missing in Melbourne every year late end to end those lost teaspoons

would cover 2,700 kilometres and way more than four adult blue whales right but are they just ending up at people's flats because that's probably going into circulation

they're ending up at my house we've got a whole bunch of teaspoons that aren't part of our set yeah us too no idea and there's a couple of really nice ones,

and I don't know where they came from. Yeah. Really well-weighted. I think that might have been part of, like, PR packs that got sent to work. Yes. Like, they send you a nice new yogurt. They'll send you some bougie spoon, and then you're like, that's a good spoon.

But you've only got two of them. Oh, but it doesn't match. Don't take that home. No, but it's a good spoon. I think I took it home because I was like, I want to get the rest of my spoons to match this spoon. So at work, at your work, if you're constantly missing forks or spoons,

it's because the area is communal. Yeah, and then people don't have to think about replacing it as much because the blame can be spread amongst more people effectively. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley. Anyway, I've got a story to share with you about a woman who, we just talked about it just before as a little tease. She saw, well, caught her best friend's husband cheating and then she told her best friend,

as I would expect all of my close friends to do, especially my best friend. Jess would do it in a heartbeat. She'd also beat the living daylights out of Aaron before she did. Then, right, so abandoned and said, hey, bestie, I just saw that your husband's cheating on you. And she was like, oh, my God, devastated, obviously. Then the husband and wife, they decided to work through it.

Yeah. As some couples do. And now, as a result, they're kind of blaming her for their marriage problems. What? No. Oh, no no this is toxic no no no there's a word for this

there's a word for this it is Britney Spears once sung about it toxic and so did System of a Down toxic

toxic yeah so they're kind of going like you know our marriage has been weakened since this has all been exposed and the husband's like yeah bitch

and he's like hang on you since it was exposed it couldn't all been exposed. And the husband's like, yeah, bitch. And he's like, hang on, you. Since it was exposed, it couldn't have been exposed had he not been exposed himself. Clever. But this is why some people have a problem. Clever. So this is why some people have a problem telling people because they don't want to be the one that's blamed.

They don't want to have anything. This happens a lot to whistleblowers, right? They're going, don't shoot the messenger, basically. Insightful. Clever. That was my one-word review of what you said. Insightful. Insightful.

Funny. Now, this is the thing. I don't know. I've never been in a position where I've had to blow the whistle on anything, be it a relationship. I've never seen a friend's partner cheating or anything like that. I don't think. Oh, yeah.

I've been in a situation where I've known people cheating. Have you? And known like, yeah, yeah, yeah, it's horrible. I want nothing to do with this. Did you blow said whistle? No, I didn't blow any whistle. Wow, you had a clogged whistle. They weren't also like...

Chicken. Chicken. One word of you. They weren't also like... It wasn't... Like, I just didn't blow any whistle. Wow, you had a clogged whistle. They weren't also like... Chicken. Yeah, chicken. One word of you. They weren't also like... It wasn't... Like, I just didn't care. I was like... And not your place. It's not my place.

You know... It also depends, like, what's the relationship? Does this surprise you about Fletch? Sometimes if you've told him something quite, like, heartfelt, and he's like, okay. Yeah. Like, when you're like, no, no, no, we were going to have a conversation because we're friends, and he's like, ah, okay. Oh, bugger. And then he's like, okay. Yeah. When you're like, no, no, no. We were going to have a conversation because we're friends.

And he's like, ah, okay. And then he's like, I better go. And so he finds out someone's cheating on someone. He's like, no, well. Slowly but surely we're pulling out. I'm just not surprised by human beings, Maud. I'm like, of course. I expect cheating.

Yeah. But you're supposed to be like Oh this isn't good Someone's gonna get hurt Oh well Yeah that's my robot feelings Yeah Not my fault Anyway

I love that Vaughn thinks He can come to me for sympathy No no I know better Yeah thank you I know better Oh well You all serve different purposes in life

Yeah You know Thank you I wanna know If our listeners Have ever blown the whistle on something It could be something Like a relationship Maybe you saw someone cheating And then you blew the whistle on something. It could be something like a relationship. Maybe you

saw someone cheating and then you blew the whistle and then maybe it backfired or you saved them. What about workplace whistle blowing? Yes. Like corporate whistle blowing. When you blow the whistle on a scandal or the boss doing something wrong or a company doing something wrong.

Correct me if I'm wrong. I might have an incorrect memory here, but didn't there used to be TV ads saying, if you know someone that's dodging tax, dob them in and we'll give you a little reward if we prove that they did. Someone on the benefits got a partner on their working. Yeah, there used to be this government narc line

and they'd be like, hey, narcs, boy, we've got a deal for you. Tell us, narc on someone for doing something and if we can prove it And get the money back off Then we'll give you A little sweetener Okay let's take

Let's take some calls on this 0800 Dial ZM is our number Give us a call now You can text through 9696 Have you been the whistleblower On something

A relationship A scam Some fraud Some naughty benefit Not a sports referee No Clever Funny Some naughty benefit. Not a sports referee. No. Clever.

Funny. Just let out the most masculine burp. I didn't hear it. I just heard the laughing. Do we have Mike Ron? I sort of went like, whoa. Oh, you went away from the mic. I was just enjoying the end of that song.

Sorry. I mean, I don't know. I caught a bit of that burp. Since the end of that apologise. I don't know if a song's finished so strong. Attention songwriters. Well, who wrote that song? Sigma. Sigma. Sigma.

We want to know now, if you were ever the whistleblower, so whether you caught someone cheating and you blew the whistle, you were like, we need that. Which is the story that we've been reading this morning. This is ridiculous. Say I called out, Fletch and Vaughan, you're together, and I saw Vaughan sleeping with someone, another man, and I would say to Fletch.

I would say to Fletch. You're just not enough man for me. I've got a lot of room for man. I would say to Fletch, hey, Vaughan's cheating on you. I've got a bigger hole, and it needs to be filled with man. With love. I think I've you. I'm going to make a hole, and it needs to be filled with man. With love. I think I've realised what I'm saying here. All I'm saying is I would call it out.

Yeah, you would. And this person online called it out, and now the couple are blaming her for their marriage problems. That's terrible. Also, it doesn't have to be like calling out a relationship, whistleblowing. It could be corporate. Anonymous joins us. Naughtiness. You worked at a bank, and you blew the whistle. Yeah, yeah, whistleblowing. It could be corporate. Anonymous joins us.

You worked at a bank and you blew the whistle. Yeah, yeah, I did. So I worked at a bank and we found an instance where clients were getting shortchanged. It wasn't a huge amount per client, but it added up to a couple mil. Oh, I'm sorry. Not a huge amount. That's my idea of the perfect scam, right?

A couple of cents each person, each week, end of the year, retire. Yeah, and we called it out to the higher-ups, and the initial reaction was, okay, is this small enough that can we kind of sweep it under the rug and not do anything about it? Oh, my God, I'm like, and you're like, I'm straight on the phone to the ombudsman. Yeah, yeah, pretty much. Get me the banking ombudsman.

Here's a letter that's been drafted and if nothing gets done, it'll find its way into the hands of the FMA. Wait, so you weren't like, pay me half of what we've made and I'll mum's the word. No, he's not blackmailing. No, but in hindsight, that probably would have been a better idea. No, you're an honest man.

I love that Vaughan straightaway goes to blackmail. 100%. And people are like, don't you know blackmail's illegal? It's like, yeah, but what they were doing was illegal. Which is the worst illegal? No, I would have just asked for a pay rise. You don't fight fire with fire. Two wrongs don't make a right.

No, that's what Mahatma Gandhi said. Eye for an eye, everybody should be blind. Burn the whole world down. No, that's what Mahatma Gandhi said. Eye for an eye, everybody should be blind. Burn the whole world down, Mahatma Gandhi. Yeah, burn it all down. Anonymous, thank you so much.

That's an incredible story. Some messages in. You would blackmail. You absolutely would be like, hmm, this has come to my attention. What are we going to do about it? 100% leverage.

But I would word it like that because I want deniability on the blackmail claim. Yeah, of course. I never said that. And nothing in writing. No, oh my God. Nothing in writing. No, no, no, no.

I'm wearing a wire. I'm wearing a wire at all times. We're sitting next to a dryer in my basement. Eh, forget about it. You think I haven't watched The Sopranos? Get out of here. Get out of here. Do you guys know I wear a wire at work every day?

Got you. Gotcha. Gotcha. Gotcha. Gotcha. I knocked on my partner's baby mama. She was claiming solo parent benefit while getting child support from my partner. I just couldn't stand it. I was so mad that she was double dipping.

I'm sure that was why. And I knocked on her, yeah, and she got in a bit of trouble. Wow. Anonymous joins us. Anonymous. This was another company whistleblowing. Hi, yeah. Hi, guys.

How are you? Really good. We're really good in this. I've got to tell you, it's getting juicy. It is getting juicy. Wait, Anonymous, are you a long-time listener, first-time caller? No. Because Vaughn had the energy of a first-time caller.

Oh, okay. So I just heard the bell ring. No, do not ring the bell, Vaughn had the energy of a first-time caller. Oh, okay. So I just heard the bell ring. No, do not ring the bell, Vaughn. Sorry, Anonymous. Anonymous, are you hot? Because we could also ring the bell for that. Some might say, yeah, not bad. One ding.

One ding. There we go. Hot caller. Hot caller. That is normally for when a hot person walks past the studio, that bell. It's got hot energy. I can feel that as well. Now, so, Anonymous, what did you blow the whistle on? That is normally for when a hot person walks past the studio, that bell. It's got hot energy. I can feel that as well.

Now, so Anonymous, what did you blow the whistle on? Many, many years ago when I first sort of entered the workplace, I worked for a company that, I'm not going to say who it was, but they had quite a niche product at the time. It was new to the world pretty much. Frozen yogurt. Frozen yogurt? A little bit bigger than that.

Okay. Wait, wait, frozen yogurt, but they add the lollies. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'll throw you in the way out. Because they got you, because you weren't frozen yogurt by the bite. You were paying for the lollies. Yeah. Yeah, no, because it wasn't that. It wasn't frozen yogurt.

Okay. No, no, no. As you were hot and hot. Yeah, so the, and yeah, so I had to sort of look after all the stock and stuff, and things No, no, no. a big scam that was going on and there were two offices in Auckland and the other office someone was involved there so yeah, I actually got so stressed with it all I left the job but as I was leaving

they said to me, well why are you leaving? And I was able to share the reason and they got rid of them but kept me. Oh! Wow! Yeah, so it was, yeah, it was horrible. How much do you reckon they were stealing?

How much were they stealing, like, dollar-wise? That would be quite a big amount because, yeah, it was quite an expensive item, but I don't know. I don't know. Are we talking tens of thousands, hundreds of thousands? I don't know if it would be that much, Hayley, but maybe in the tens of thousands. Wow. That's a lot of frozen yogurt. A lot of frozen yogurt. That's a hell of a lot of frozen yogurt. Hundreds of thousands? I don't know if it would be that much, Hayley, but maybe in the tens of thousands. Wow.

That's a lot of frozen yogurt. A lot of frozen yogurt. That's a hell of a lot of frozen yogurt. That's the story of the meteoric rise of frozen yogurt in New Zealand. Anonymous, thank you. Some messages. Hot anonymous. I slept with a guy who told me his girlfriend and him had ended their relationship and were no longer together.

A week or two later, I saw them together at a party when I walked in a little tipsy and I saw them together at a party when I walked in a little tipsy and I was like oh girl I'm so sorry but he's no good he told me

you guys have broke up and I slept with him and they both hate me now and six years later they just got married and he's cheated on her several more times and she always hates

the girls and not him when she is exposed for it that's a toxic relationship and a bad man that's not a red flag that is a flag on fire yeah

that's the flags you should not swim between at the beach. Stay the hell away from that flag. I once had to investigate a school ring of kids selling phone top-ups

at school when self-service first came out. And they found a way to scam the system. I did some investigation, reported it because it was their workplace that they were stealing from, technically.

Yeah. I didn't work there, but I reported it to their workplace and they got fired. We've got a private investigator on our hands there. Yeah, I love that. I told them three tricks of my old job. We were stealing things from work, things from fragrances to make up, and they were soon to become supervisors until they got caught

and it cost them their life. I was a personal assistant. I very quickly discovered that the person I was personally assisting was cheating on his wife. He asked me to keep it quiet and I just couldn't do it. I lost my job over it in the end. No, but you're a PA. Oh, I'm...

Are you conflicted? No, I don't know why I think that your PA should shush. Because it's a professional role. Yeah. If my PA ever ousted me, outed me, I'd be so upset with her. Somebody said, I'm currently dealing with this. I'm waiting to blow the whistle. Because I found out my friend's partner is cheating on her,

but he said he wants to come clean. But now it's been like three weeks. How long do I wait before I toot that whistle, bitch? You've got to say you've got 48 hours to tell your girlfriend. Oh, you're putting a timer on it. I'm putting a timer on it. Otherwise, like, this happens. They dilly-dally.

Otherwise, it'll be my pleasure to let her know. Play ZM's Fletchford and Ailey. Play ZM. The weekend, December 8 and December 9 at Auckland's Eden Park. Ticketmaster for the remaining tickets. And you'd have to say it's one of the cushiest work gigs one could ever get. Yeah. Being flown to Santiago in Chile in South America to see the weekend live.

Cam from The Night Show joins us. Good morning, Cam. Keep eating, I can't. Buenos dias. Good morning. Buenos dias. Buenos dias, senor. Wait, wait, what time is it there?

It's like 3 p.m. here. It's Buenos afternoon. It's Buenos tardes, I believe you would say. 3 p.m. must be time for a bloody sangria soon. Oh, 100%. Definitely looking forward to the sangrias. Now, how was the weekend show? It looked like it was at a massive football

stadium. Yeah, there was 36,000 people. It was insane. One of the loudest concerts I've ever been to in my entire life. But the production itself is next level. He literally sets the entire stage on fire. About five songs into the show, I was kind of like, he's played all the bangers already.

Like, what is he going to do for the rest of the time? But then there's just more bangers, more bangers, more bangers. Like, it's not until you see the show that you realize how many incredible songs The Weeknd actually has. Yeah, and the stage as well. You can see all of Cam's stories, ZM Online on Instagram. The massive, is it a moon? Inflatable moon?

Yeah, there's a giant inflatable moon. There's also this giant robot in the middle of the stage that's got laser beams that go out of its eyes and it rotates. It's honestly incredible. Yeah, of course. Every concert needs a robot with laser beams and a giant rotates. It's honestly incredible. Yeah, of course. Every concert needs a robot with laser beams and a giant moon. Of course they do.

In San Diego. Yeah. Amazing. You were just telling us off here that at the stadium, you weren't able to buy a drink. Yeah, so it was in a sports stadium. So apparently here,

you're not allowed to sell alcohol in sports stadiums. So we went to go get a beer and they were like, no bueno. No bueno. Could you imagine if that was a rule in New Zealand? No one would go to an All Blacks game. Attendance would drop. Attendance would drop. Would drop.

Well, Cam, incredible. We're all very excited. The weekend, 8th and 9th of December at Auckland's Eden Park. Ticketmaster for the remaining tickets, all those details at ZM Online. We will leave you, Cam, on the rooftop of the Ritz-Carlton in Santiago. Cam, what am I doing wrong? I've been here for two years. Thank you so much.

And I have been seen, I think we went to Levin once. Yep. And that's about it. Christchurch, you've been to Christchurch. I mean, Levin's a happening place. Get around it. Shut up. Go enjoy your cocktail.

Cam from The Night Show. Play. ZDM's Fletchvorn and Hayley. Now, we thought we'd test out our Gen Z with some near or extinct phrases due to modern technology. Because there's ones that are common, right, that like almost went worldwide. And then there's ones that were like specific to you.

Like I remember I thought everyone said lashed. Like at our school in the 90s, lashed meant like shame. Yeah. So someone did something embarrassing like that. Oh, lashed. I loved regional because it was the days before hyper-conductivity.

Always just coined a phrase. Clever. I don't think you have hyper-conductivity. I don't think that's... You just didn't talk to kids from other regions. No.

So it was like Eastbourne, Muritai School, everyone said lashed. And it was like shame. Well, producer Shannon, how old are you again for the listener? 24. 24.

Born in 99. Oh, I wish I was 24 again. Sorry, that really hit me. Do you remember when computers were going to, where everything was going to crash at the millennium, 99 into 2000? I was nine. What a damn shame they didn't.

I was nine. I was like, 23 years later, we can look back and be like, probably would have been a right if they did. Actually, hey. They thought planes were going to fall out of the sky. Well, these airlines weren't flying. Yeah. They were just like, just in case.

Just in case. Just in case. And then we all woke up and we were like, no, it's fine. But there are a lot of phrases that have gone extinct due to modern technology. These were highlighted in a big tech influencer. And so we thought we would put some of these to you,

Shannon, and test you and see if you know what they even mean. To be fair, I struggle through daily life already. I think I'm a bit of a ditz, so I'm not having a high hope, but she sure is pretty. And clever and smart and all the other things. All the things. Okay, don't waste the film.

There was a film camera, like a Polaroid camera, and you'd have that many numbers in it. Like you'd be like, I could take 10 now. So don't blink. I'm going to give that to you. It was more about the hidden film camera. It wasn't about Polaroids. Because you'd know immediately if you'd wasted those

or not. Especially on a disposable that you'd bought and then someone would be like, oh, don't waste the film. It was dark and they wouldn't make sure the flash thing had gone. Yeah, you idiot. Don't waste the film. The charge. Because you didn't know what it was going to be like and then it had to go to Unicam for a week.

And then you'd get 24 photos back and half of them would be blurry and rubbish and your mum would scream at you that she wasted so much money getting those proceeds for nothing. Another one, burn me a playlist. Oh, when you have like really good music taste and it's like a fire playlist.

And everyone's like, yeah, that's a... But you've got to burn it to the CD. You've got to put it on playlist. Nah. And everyone's like, yeah, that's a... But you've got to burn it to the CD. No. So if someone would be like, I'm listening to this song at the moment, you'd be like,

oh yeah, burn me a playlist. Could you do that? Or burn me a CD? Could you do that? Have you ever burned a CD? How would you... No. She doesn't have computers

with a slot back. Or like you'd go to the warehouse or warehouse station and get a spindle. A spindle of CDs. And then you'd have to write on them and then you'd go to burn a CD and you'd put one in and you'd go to the warehouse or warehouse station and get a spindle. A spindle of CDs. And then you'd have to write on them. And then you'd go to burn a CD and you'd put one in and you'd be like, Sam! Because he hadn't written on the CD.

It had already been burned. It had already been burned and it'd be like, can I burn? And then we were provo, so we didn't have a CD burner. We had to go to Chris Jensen's house to burn the CDs. And his mum didn't like us using their computer to burn the CDs because she thought it was going to ruin the... She could only write so many minutes. So many minutes.

Put some tape over the hole. Now be careful, we're on air. Maybe if you forgot your bath plug and you could like... Yeah, that's what we used to do. And you would just put

a bit of duct tape. No, no. Just put a bit of sellotape over cassettes and VHS Yeah VHS And then that way you could tape over them You could tape over them But if you took out the bit and the hole was there

It wouldn't let you record on the tape You used to like snap it off and be like now that's permanently done Yeah Until you realised that you didn't need that anymore And you could tape over it Okay so more phrases that are extinct because of modern technology. Call 137. Was that just like the hotline for the police back in the day?

Hot police hotline. 137 was a great game. You'd pick up your phone and I still don't know the purpose of 137. On the home line. On the home line. And you'd do a 137 and it would go... And then you'd hang it up and then your phone would ring. I think it was so that

like the phone people could test that your phone worked. Yeah. But you'd do it to prank your brother or your mum. And then he'd think someone was calling. What was the one

where someone would call you and then hang up and you could put it, dial a number and it would call them back? Star 69, we never had it. Star 69.

New Zealand, that was a bigger, it was in movies and TV shows but we never had it. Star 69. New Zealand. America did. That was a big one. It was in movies and TV shows, but we never had it. It never functioned. Okay, more extinct phrases, thanks to technology. Roll down the window. Oh, yeah, no, we had this one. It had a windy window, not a button,

so you'd have to go, whee, whee, whee, whee, whee. Those were the tough days. Yeah, well done. We had one of those. Okay, good. We had one of those. No, it's good.

It's good that she's in touch. And they would stop working so you'd have to take the panel off the inside of the door and rearrange it and get it lined up to go. Check the answering machine. I mean, I can't believe that that's even on the list. Voicemail. Possibly extinct. Still got voicemail.

Voicemail, yeah. But maybe they had little tapes in them back in the day. I'll tape it for you. Sounds like your cassette thing, right? Your cassette thing. It's if you were going out somewhere and your show was on and you were going to be home to watch it, you had to get someone to tape it for you.

Oh, like My Sky. No, just before My Sky, babe. But like My Sky. Yeah, but her vintage version is MySky. Ever heard of G-code programming? No. Dude, this technology was wild. The TV shows had a little barcode beside them

and if you had a flash TV remote, you'd scan it and then it would automatically program it to record it. Oh, we didn't have that. My grandparents had it and never used it. What a waste. An absolute waste. So there you go.

That's some of the phrases that Gen Z is going to stop. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley. So we have a friend of ours who is a real handy guy and really good at house stuff. Thanks. No, it's not you, Han. Oh, okay. Oh, sorry. You are so good at other things, though.

I own two drills. Do you know I own two drills? Wow. And I've got a hammer. Did you know this, Vaughn, that he owns two drills Do you know I own two drills? And I've got a hammer Did you know this Vaughan that he owns two drills? That's pretty wild And what else do I have? I've got a level Where do you keep all these tools?

In my lock up He's got a tradie lock up Basically a man shed Actually got some screws and some nails too So pretty handy But it's not me This isn't your friend that this is not me you're talking about This is our friend Andrew I've got it, yeah. Basically a man shed. Yep. Actually got some screws and some nails too, so pretty handy. Wow. But it's not me. This isn't your friend that,

this is not me you're talking about. No, this is our friend Andrew. Carry on. And he's just very good at things and he comes around like once or twice a week and helps Aaron to do things like put trims on doors and little woodwork things and latches on windows and he's very good.

And now he comes around and every time he's there, I'm usually there and I will always make them lunch. Like I'll always either get them lunch or make them a wrap or make sure that they're fed because that's my contribution to her. She's a good girl.

And I'm a good housewife. Yeah. You know, and I like- You wear your little penny, don't you? I wear my little penny. Yeah, you put your hair in rollers. Hears in rollers. Yeah.

And I say, boys, time for some lunch for my hardworking man. And they come inside. I made you some iced tea for some lunch for my hardworking men. And they come inside. I made you some iced tea. Yeah, boots off at the door, please, my dirty boys. Anyway, they come in and I always make them lunch.

The other day, yesterday, I wasn't home. And so I said, oh, do you want me to, you know, I'll be home late. Do you want me to bring home something for you and Andrew? And Aaron was like, no, I'll get it sorted. I'll go get us some lunch. I got home. Do you know what he'd make for us? Oh, I'll get it sorted. I'll go get us some lunch. I got home. Do you know what he'd make? Oh, he hadn't eaten the raw pasta again.

No, he hadn't. He hasn't been snacking on that for a while, but I did see him sniffing around the supermarket aisle the other day going, where's the raviolis? I was like, we're not getting those again. Anyway, no, he cooked them six sausages in the oven and a bag of Doritos. Perfect. Wait, what did he sprinkle the sausages on the Doritos?

No, he had got a raw metal tray, no oil. No pan. He oven cooked sausages. Oven cooked sausages, it's good stuff. But he didn't, so then all, when he peeled off the sausages, the bottom skin lay. So what I came home to was six sausage skins stuck to a tray in an empty bag of Doritos.

And I was like, was that your lunch that you made for Andrew? He was like, yeah, yeah. I was like, did you get like bread? Like did you make hot dogs or did you whip together a salad with a myriad of vegetables? He was like, no, no, just sausages and corn chips. Is that boy lunch? On the go. There's boy lunch, man. Man lunch? Ripped up.

Skinless at this point, sausages. My favourite meals are when everybody's like, there's nothing in this house to eat. I live with three women. You do. There's nothing in this house to eat. And I'll be like, how is that possible? There is a freezer full of food.

Yeah. Oh, that's going to take too long. I was like, you watch. And then I'll cook like chips and dumplings. Oh, you don't. He doesn't get what's happening to him, does he? No, he doesn't. Wild stuff.

You fall for this trap every time. Oh, there's nothing in the fridge. And then you go and make this massive meal. I know. And the kids's nothing in the fridge. And then you go and make this massive meal. I know. And the kids are always like, yay. Like, they're always so stoked with just this, like, ragtag bunch of stuff on a plate. It was ragtag.

I just think Aaron. Because if there's not many chips, you use them as, like, a seasoning. You smash them in the bag, and then you just, like, sprinkle them over stuff. I was embarrassed. I like to take care of our friend Andrew. He works hard on our house.

And I like to make him a nice, nutritious, delicious meal with colour and variation and flavour. But they had dirty hands, so there was all this prep stuff to do, and he just flopped them on a train. Yeah, he's got dirty hands. Feed him something he needs to use a fork with, not thingy-good skinless sausages and corn chips.

I reckon he might have gone bag straight to mouth with corn chips. Oh, for God's sake. Play ZM's Flet, for God's sake. It's time for the impossible finding topic. That's right. A topic that we think is so hard and so impossible that we won't get any or many calls. Any or many. Now, you slightly miss...

I mis-teased it, actually. Yeah, she misspoke. I'll rephrase the question when we get to it. Let me share you a story first. There was a woman called Carthen. What? Carthen. Carthen?

Yeah. As in Carthen Daly and Fred Durf. No. No. How dare you. Wow. Carthen. Gotcha. Gotcha. Oh, no. Carthen. Got you.

Got you. Oh, no, got me, got me. Damn it, damn it, I got got. In 2007, Carthen was trying to be a business technology student and was a parent to a 13-year-old girl. She decided she needed to apply for financial aid to help her. 2007. It was when she did this that a person told her her social security

number was not valid because she has in fact died. And Cartham was like nah, nah, nah. I'm alive. Hello, I'm speaking to you. Here I am. And so her application was therefore denied. 2023 she is still struggling to prove that

she is alive. Because her social security number has been aligned with a dead person. So she has been presumed dead. They think that Carthen, whatever her last name is, is dead. And she has spent years trying to prove to them that she's alive. Even by going, hey, physically I'm here.

And due to it, she's had a whole bunch of hardship. Like she can't get home loans. It would be a nightmare if the government assumed you were dead and everything was just like, oh, no, that person doesn't get this, that, this, that, that. Yeah. Cancel their health. You've got to go to the doctor.

They're like, wait a minute, you don't exist. So she gets these letters all the time. She'll apply for things and she gets letters back and it's got a list saying why the applications have been denied and it's always ticked, applicant deceased. She's like, I am not dead. She is presumed dead. Now I read another article actually, speaking of death

about a person, a man who was declared dead in an ambulance from paramedics, dead on arrival DOA at the hospital, was put into a holding area before being dealt with at a busy hospital. Three on arrival, DOA at the hospital, was put into a holding area before being dealt with at a busy hospital.

Three hours later, he's like, hey, what's happening here? Knock, knock, knock. Presumed dead, not dead. Do you think he's going to have to deal

with this in the future? All of these banks and... Yeah, they started the paperwork. Social security numbers equated with being dead, not dead. These kind of stories do happen from time to time when someone is dealing with a government agency and they think they're dead.

That's right. But I think this is a bit slim. Pull it back. Pull it back. Okay, pull it back to you just see someone and they're like, oh my God, I thought you were dead. Because there's this movie called Jason Bateman Thinks I'm Dead. Yes.

And this girl who was like an intermediate age what like 10, 11, 12 kissed Jason Bateman when they went to school and then they lost contact and she found out

later on that someone had told Jason Bateman she was dead so Jason Bateman's like oh my god my first ever kiss is dead this is Hollywood actor

Jason Bateman and then this lady made a film called Jason Bateman Thinks I'm Dead because apparently film called Jason Bateman thinks I'm dead. Because apparently he just wouldn't believe people until he saw her that she was still alive. So maybe someone just was just like, didn't you die?

It's just word of mouth, right? Being like, oh, so-and-so died. And then people go, oh my God, you're dead. And then they see you. Exactly. I want to know if you've been presumed dead, be it by a medical professional, be it by an organisation that has wrong documents that say that you were dead.

Because especially if you have a common name, like John Smith, you're a family, you ring up, I don't know, the insurance or the bank, and you say, hey, John Smith's dead. Yeah. Our John Smith. But then they kill the wrong John Smith. Or maybe you're reading through the obituaries, and then you see John Smith died.

You're like, I went to bloody school with John Smith. I'm going to hold a local memorial, get everyone together. They're sad, John Smith. And John turns up like, who are we celebrating? Have you ever been presumed dead? Is the impossible phoner today. I think it's too impossible today. I think it's too impossible.

Whatever means, be it that your family just assumed that you had died. Or friends. Maybe you were going on a flight around about Christmas time. Oh, I've got another idea. What about if your mum told you your dad was dead and you grew up without a dad assuming he was dead, but she just didn't want... He would have to call.

He'd have to call because he'd be the one presumed dead. No, but we're also taking stories about... Don't make it more possible. Why do you always do this on Impossible Phony? You get scared that no one's going to call. Get scared. It's on Impossible Phony for a reason. Okay, well...

And I tell you what. If texts are anything to go by, it's not a problem. Okay, 0800-DARLS-AT-M is our number. Give us a call. You can text through 9696. Have you been presumed dead? Or someone you know. No, not or someone.

Get out of it. The impossible phone-in topic. Asking the question today. Have you been presumed dead? There was a woman whose social security number reveals that she has died. For years she's been fighting to say, I'm not dead, I'm alive. Also, another man was declared dead at hospital,

but then woke up. Have you been presumed dead? Not impossible. Callum, good morning. Good morning, how are you? Good. Now, have you been presumed dead? Yes, I definitely have been presumed dead, mate.

What happened? But you're alive talking to us on the phone right now. Could be a ghost, though. Are you a ghost? Definitely not a ghost. Ghosts can't tell though, the iPhone doesn't realise it's been touched. Yeah, it doesn't have the fingerprint. Yeah, fair point. So who thought

you were dead? So my parents thought I was dead for about six months. What? How? So my sisters were in a bit of a tiff with my parents at the time, and they weren't really getting along. And I was living in Wellington while they were in Christchurch,

and my older sister actually called my parents up and told them that I'd died. What? What? Can I just pause? Because when I have a tip with my parents, I don't tell them one of my siblings is dead. Yeah, that's exactly right. But it would be Philip, right?

Oh, absolutely. Don't just ring them and check, though. Your brother's telling me you're dead. Did they want to go to your funeral or anything? Yeah, well, that was the next part. Yeah, my sisters and stuff told them that they've already had the funeral and that my ex-girlfriend's parents didn't want them there. What?

What? What? I'm going to say this in the nicest possible way, Killam. Your sister sounds like a crazy bitch. No offence. She definitely is, mate. You said it sounds like a top level, red flag,

crazy bitch. So how did they not, so for six months, how did they... Well, did you just not call home and see how they were doing, or... Yeah, yeah, no,

I was just busy with life and work, and then I was like, wait, I haven't heard from my parents for a while, I wonder what's going on, and I gave them a call up, and mum and dad are like, wait, I haven't heard from my parents for a while. I don't know what's going on. Oh, my God, so what happened? I gave them a call up and mum and dad are like, you're alive?

Okay, maybe. This is the best story I've ever heard. Maybe we gave away our caller of the week voucher yesterday too early. No, we didn't. I think it's just a double. We're just going to do another caller of the week. It's a double. Wait, wait, wait. There's so much to work out here.

So were they what was the fallout of this um my parents don't really talk to my sisters anymore

um are they dead you should tell them they died you should tell them your sisters are dead this is wild

to them so they never your parents were just like oh my god this is terrible and what a mean Ex-girlfriend

Not letting us Go to our own son's funeral And not telling us And oh well We'll just leave it be No they were kind of like Just yeah Running around

Calling up all our other family Seeing if they had heard anything From what I was told And then They didn't really know Anything to go off So my parents kind of just presumed, yeah,

that I was dead. So what, a few days and a few phone calls later your parents are like, ah, well. I mean, if somebody said that your friend is dead, you're not going to pick up the phone

and call them, are you? You're just going to be like, oh, well. Yeah, they're dead, I guess. No, I'm going to like... Yeah, well, you don't think to call them exactly, they're dead.

No. If someone said to me, Vaughn's dead, I'd be like, oh my dead, I guess. No, I'm going to like... You don't think to call them exactly that, do you? No. If someone said to me, Vaughn's dead, I'd be like, oh my God, I'm devastated. But I wouldn't ring you and be like, hey, bruh. Would you not call? I'd be like, I'm calling here. I'd call Sade. Voice on a voice.

I'd get drunk and I'd be like, I'll just ring their voicemail. Ring, ring. And you're like, hello? And I'm like, ghost tape? Hayley? This is insane. So when I die, you call me. So, how did your parents react?

Were they really upset like when they heard the news? Did they cry? Were they beside themselves? Oh yeah, my mum was absolutely in tears and my dad was trying to just gobsmacked,

eh? He was just like, what the fuck's going on? How had they told them that it was this? We'll allow it. It's a wild story. How were they told you died? Like'll allow it. It's a wild story. How were they told you died?

Like a car accident? A drowning? Yes, stabbing. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. So you were murdered. You're not dead by your own hand or dead in an accident. Someone murdered you. And your parents are like, fuck your ass. yes you were stabbing him at the time

oh my god and your parents are never like well we better fly to wellington and get justice for our son they're just like look the police are stabbing him there it is oh my god oh my god oh my god so callum when you rung them and they said, oh my God, you're alive, like what happened? Were they happy or just like, oh, hey son. Over the moon, I pretty much went down there that weekend to see them. Oh my God. And just reassure them, look, look, it's really me.

It's really me. Oh my God, your poor parents have been through the wringer. And we've nearly been doing this for 20 years together This is the wildest phone call I've ever had It's so incredible Just that your parents are like, this is terrible news Oh well He was a good kid

Were you the sort of person that would have got stabbed? Like, would your parents have not been too surprised That you were on the receiving end of a stabbing? Are you in some gangs, Kel? Are you a rat bag? I'm definitely not in some gangs, but I will say at a point in time, it wouldn't have been unpeculiar for me to get stabbed.

Single greatest sentence ever. It would have been unpeculiar for me to get stabbed. But Callum, you're so nice. But wait, I've got so many questions. When they were ringing around the friends and relatives saying he's been stabbed, they were just like, oh, okay. Yeah, well, my sisters didn't really give out much more information

and didn't really answer their calls after that, so they were kind of just stuck. Why do your sisters hate you so much, Callum? You sound like such a lovely man. Oh, I'm not sure why they hate me. It may not have been peculiar that they hated him. It may not have been peculiar that they hated him. It may not have been peculiar that they hated me. Callum, we've already done a caller of the week this week.

It's only Tuesday. We do it every day. We're doing a second caller of the week. $50 McCafe voucher for you from our friends at McCafe. Callum, enjoy life. Enjoy your second chance at life. Yeah, dude. I definitely will.

Congratulations. Well, so many messages and texts, but nothing is going to beat that story at all. Oh, my God, Callum. You want to go in the draw to see Olivia Rodrigo live in Los Angeles at Jingle Ball, thanks to United Airlines. Callum should enter.

I mean, second chance at live. If you're Callum's sister. Give us a call. 0800 dials it in. Play. ZM's Fletchvorn and Hayley. The wheels are off. We're reeling.

Fletchvorn, check our microphones. Up or on. We are reeling. We are reeling in that story. Callum, alive and well. Far out. Yeah, okay. Fact of the day, day, day, day, day.

What's up? Today's fact of the day is about the world's most expensive stamp. It's Stamp Week. It's Stamp Week here at Fact of the Day. For all the philatelists. Philatelists. Is that what they're called? Philatelists.

Okay. I've listened to it, I've said it, and I've written it down phonetically, and I still can't say it. Stamp collector. stamp fans. The world's most extensive stamp is the British Guyana one-cent magenta. That is a killer, it is. Okay.

The story behind the stamp was in Guyana, they were waiting in 1856 for a shipment of stamps. Shipment of stamps? The ship got shipwrecked, and the stamps never arrived. The ship with the stamps got shipwrecked. The ship with the stamps got shipwrecked. At Stamps never arrived. The ship with the Stamps got shipwrecked. The ship with the Stamps got shipwrecked.

At sea. At sea, yes. At sea. What a shame. So the local postmaster said, we're going to print our own. Oh, yeah. Now, there were two types. There was the one-cent magenta, which was just stuck onto newspapers

when newspapers delivered. Did you know that for a start? No. It stamps on newspapers. Pay the stamp on the newspaper to get the newspaper delivered. Oh, yeah. And that paid the person who delivered it? No.

Deliveries included. And the biggest stamp was four letters and such. It was the four-cent magenta and four-cent blue. Anyway, it got to the point where they weren't arriving and they wanted to get this installed. So the Postmaster General said to the people who were printing the paper, just print some stamps as well. I'll give it a signature.

Tickety-boo. Lick it, stick it. Very rare, these stamps. Because soon after, another shipment of stamps arrived on a ship that didn't get shipwrecked. That didn't get shipwrecked? No, shipwrecked. Well, shelled through the sheaths with no problem at all.

And it arrived, so there weren't many of these stamps out there. In 2014, the stamp sold at Sotheby's auction for $9.48 million. What? And the buyer was a high-end shoe designer, Stuart Weltzman, who simply tucked the stamp into his pocket and its little protective sleeve, and off he went. It has sold again since. It sold, that guy, Stuart Weltzman, sold it in 2021,

took a loss, took a hit, 8.3 million. Oh, was the market down? Yeah, market was down on stamps. So then I was like, who else has owned this stamp? And I scrolled back, and I think the most interesting owner of the stamp is the man who was the heir to the DuPont fortune, DuPont chemical brand. Yeah.

They do non-stick? They're the people that do non-stick? Teflon? Maybe they've got a Teflon-y product. So he purchased the stamp in 1980, John Ethelware DuPont. Oh, great name. Purchased it for $280,000. Oh no, he purchased it for more than $280,000.

Sorry, the person before him purchased it for $280,000. And the interesting thing is, the stamp got passed on out of his collection because he went to prison for murder. Murder. Murder. And he died in prison. The man he murdered, his name was Dave Schultz.

He was an American Olympic and world champion freestyle wrestler, seven-time world and Olympic medalist. And the movie Foxcatcher is based on his life. Foxcatcher was a 2014 film. Yes. Steve Carell. Yes. It was so good. And Mark Ruffalo.

Yeah. Mark Ruffalo played the murdered wrestler and Steve Carell played the heir to the DuPont fortune who owned the world's most expensive stamp. Wow. Full circle. I don't know. Stamp Week's not doing it for me? I'll be honest.

I caught me back in with that film because it was a great film. The man who owned the world's most expensive stamp went to prison for murdering an Olympic champion wrestler. By the way, motive unknown. Really? They never proved the motive. Have you seen the film? No, I haven't.

Oh, you've got to see it. It's a great film. What was the motive? I can't remember. Does it end with his murder? Yes. Or does it end pre-murder? No film. What was the motion? I can't remember. Does it end with his murder? Yes. Or does it end pre-murder? No, it's in the middle, I think, from memory.

So, yeah, he's murdered. Spoiler alert. Spoiler alert for the film. God, the stamp collecting industry, it's wild, isn't it? Yeah, it is truly wild. Yeah, it's wild. Okay. So he was the heir to the DuPont fortune with a pension for stamps,

but also wrestling, but then murdered a wrestler and then died in prison. So today's fact of the day is the world's most expensive stamps had some very interesting owners. Fact of the day, day, day, day, day. Yeah. Ancestry.com. We refer to it every now and then because I don't know what it is, but there's something that makes you feel like proud of the fun bits in your Ancestry.com is three very white presenting people.

You get a little bit of spice in there, you're like, ha-cha. Spice up your life or the boys are not the girls. Yeah, like my 1% Hawaiian. Now, so this is my change because we've all noticed that we've had some upgrades, downgrades in our ancestry.com because it's constantly

evolving the more people use it, right? The more times people spit in the tube and pay to see their DNA history, the more results and the, I guess, more accurate it gets. There's also other sites that do this. 23andMe is another big one. That's how they caught that serial killer,

the Golden State Killer. Yes, I know. His family had done it and they got him. They still haven't caught me. What? What? What have you done? We said we would

take this to the ground. I saw someone the other day saying, oh, I'm 4% more this or something. There's been an update and so I jumped on and you guys jumped on as well.

I have been severely. It was me. I told you to suck it because there's been an upgrade and I have jumped. I have been severely downgraded. Do you remember once I was 8% Swedish and I was jumped. I've been severely downgraded. Do you remember once I was 8% Swedish

and I was like It makes sense. It makes sense. Look at these dashing good looks. Thank you. This beautiful complexion. Thank you. And then I got

His love of pickled fish. Not to mention Oh my God. And then I went to 6% I guess like end of last year maybe 6% I guess like End of last year Maybe 6% Swedish That was when you were tubby

That was when you let yourself go a little bit You got a bit more That was when your Scottish went up Yeah Well I don't know if it's because I've lost some weight this year Probably But I am now down

I've been downgraded to 3% Swedish in Denmark. That's not even worth counting. I'm losing my hot pastry. That's margin of error. That's margin of error stuff. I'm not getting into parliament with 3%. What did you Norwegian? I'm down to 2%.

Norwegian. And that used to be 4%. I'm more Norwegian than you now. My Norwegian went up. I'm 4% Norwegian. Oh, wow. See, I'm just really up. I'm 4% Norwegian. Oh, wow. See, I'm just really white. I'm English, 51%.

I'm Scottish, 22%. Irish, 15%. Welsh, 7%. All of them out of the Rugby World Cup, apart from England. So, I mean, I could win the Rugby World Cup. Well, I was devastated, of course, when my 19%,

now there's been a Portuguese man within my family, apparently. Oh, do we have photos? Because they say that my nana was Maori and my mum's half Maori, which would make me quarter right, but that's not true. Like, you know that the Maori bloodlines are mottled. Do we have photos of the hot Portuguese sailor? Well, apparently, but I've got no Portuguese, but my mom— Grande, grande, papi.

Grande, grande, papi. Grande, grande, grande, grande, pape. Somebody's been doing... Great, great, great granny said. Somebody's been doing gay duolingo. Yeah, gay duolingo. I just want to know how to call them daddy and granddaddy. But I was devastated.

I was so devastated when my New Zealand Maori went from 19% to 18%. And then 1% went to Hawaii. And I was like, oh, I'll take that. But now 1% has gone back, but I haven't lost my Hawaii. So back to 19 Maori. 1% Hawaiian, 1% Welsh. Big, big old Scottish broad here. Yeah, my Scottish was up to 66% at one stage.

Jesus, that's so Scottish. That explains your ginger beard and your drinking. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Thank you. I'm always looking for new and fresh excuses. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Thank you. I'm always looking for new and fresh excuses. And you're just sort of like, you bastard attitude. The Irish is dipped. I'm only 12% Irish.

I've always... You've always gone on about that. I've always gone on about my Irish, but it's more Scottish. They're my Swedish and Danish. Oh. 11% Whoa! Hello.

Birrbork, borr, pork, pork. Bork, bork, bork, bork, bork, bork, bork. Gotcha. Gotcha. 11% Whoa Hello Got you But they're my people They're my people Not the majority of you You're people of Scotland, babe You're not immune to being cancelled You made a bop bop noise Now this year I've been promised my very first Christmas tree because I've never had one as an adult,

never had one in a flat or mine in Aaron's house. We've just never bothered. We always go to family where they provide the Christmas tree. But this year you are Christmas. Well, we've built this bloody home, you know, and I was like, this is the kind of house that needs a Christmas tree. So I was told, yes, I can

get a Christmas tree this year. And then the house has kind of fallen to pieces a bit and, you know, like it's been a long process and like things are getting extended. But now I keep bringing up the Christmas tree. Like, are we gonna, I said yesterday, are we gonna get a fake one or a real one? And Aaron was like, do you know what time the,

and he just sort of avoided it. He's doing that thing where he's not saying, where he's not saying, no, we're not getting a Christmas tree, but I can feel it slipping away. Does he ever employ tactical silence? Yeah, tactical silence. Tactical silence. Nothing, just like.

Tactical silence, baby. Nothing, just ignoring it. Tactical silence. Does this mean I'm not getting a, from your mail? It's very unlikely that you're going to get it. Well, you can get it, but it's going to be on you to do it. Tactical silence. Does this mean I'm not getting a... It's very unlikely that you're going to get it. Well, you can get it, but it's going to be on you to do it. But that's not the joy of Christmas. That's not the reason.

He's opted out. He doesn't want a bar of this. I imagine we're all wrapped up in our winter woolies and we head out into the snow to pick out Christmas tree. I mean, the way global warming's going, it's possible. Yeah, probably. So is this a thing, is is it that he just doesn't he doesn't say no

I know technical silence I employ it my shut-eye stepdad employs it I've witnessed him do it he's witnessed me do it and afterwards we just went mm-hmm and nodded at each other

it's technical silence it's where you're asked a question that either is going to cost you a lot of money or you don't want any part of or it's one of those things where you're asked a question that either is going to cost you a lot of money or you don't want any part of, or it's one of those things where you're like, we should translate it, you're going to have to. Right. And so we tactical silence it so that later on we can deny ever having agreed to it. Oh, God, that is what's happening.

We let you ferment. We let you marinate in your own idea until you internally talk yourself out of it. That's what we do. But I'm ready to start buying Christmas decorations because I need them to be curated because you know we've got an eclectic style. You do it. No, but I can see that Aaron will go like, that's not a good use of

money right now when we don't have a toilet. Yeah. Baubles. See, you're letting yourself see and he's employed tactical silence. No, I'm not saying I agree. See, what you're letting yourself see, and he's employed tactical silence. No, I'm not saying I agree with that. But you're aware of it. It's totally separate. Me having baubles is regardless of having a toilet or not.

Having a toilet, right. It's not one or t'other. I can have both, right? I don't understand. Because I employed it yesterday when Sade was on the couch and I was at the computer. I was doing some work, and she said, do you know what I was thinking we should do?

No, here we go. Yeah. And I went, a light look over the shoulder, just a light look over the shoulder, not a full turn, light look over the shoulder, back to my work. Wait, what did she want to do? What did she want to do? I can't even remember.

See, that was the only thing I did to her. He didn't even listen. He's not even listening. I actually don't even remember. See, that was the only one I did too. Oh my God, he didn't even listen. He's not even listening. I actually don't even know if she said, because she obviously said it, was greeted with tactical silence. Yeah. He's doing something now.

I'll approach this another day. Another day. Tactical silence rules. My dad does it, but my mum will then just talk straight at him. Yeah. Because my mum will park herself in front and just be like, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, at him yeah my dad just sort of park herself in front

and just be like blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah and my dad's just like yeah he did the tactical silences well I'm getting ball balls

so do you know what I'm going to do here's my here's a woman's tactic I'm going to buy the ball balls and then be like we're going to look pretty bloody stupid

if we don't have a tree to put these on okay and then he's stuck role play it what am I doing I'm doing something though okay

I'm fixing some skirting. Yes, me. I've got two bags in my hand. Clink, clink. Clink, clink. Hey, babe. Look what I got. At this point, I will remain silent.

Okay. But I will half look over my shoulder. Babe, babe. Look at these. Aren't they cute? I'm going to make this noise with my mouth. And then I'm back to attention. I feel so disappointed.

He's got bags of baubles. I've got baubles. Look at this one. This one's really cute. It's like glass and it's like vintage. I'm going to let her work out that she may notice I'm in the middle of something. Babe, look. Just have a look at them.

Look at them. Aren't they cute? Again, half look, not full look. Half look. Well, now I've got the baubles. We have to decide whether we're going to have a real tree or a fake tree. What do you think? I'm going to stop.

The hammering is going to stop. But I'm not going to look. I'm just going to be quiet for about 10 seconds. I'll be like, are you all right? And then I'm going to go. And then back to the hammering. Oh, no. Okay, I don't think you're getting a Christmas tree.

The baubles are getting returned. See, I did it. Oh, I'm busting for a wheeze after that podcast, I'll tell you. What? It's a podcast. You are allowed to listen to it while you're wheeze. There's no rules on when and where you're allowed to listen to a podcast. It just says here I'm busting for a wheeze.

I read it, okay? I read it. Give us a review. ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley.