ZM's Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley - Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley's Big Pod - 19th July 2023

Episode Date: July 18, 2023

Top 6: Locations for the Commonwealth Games  Advice from a Butler  Dog Poo DNA  Silly Little Poll!  Countdown Rebrand  When did you have a bug on you?  Fact of the Day Day Day Day Daaaaay!See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

The ZM Podcast Network. The Fletch, Fawn and Hayley Big Pod. Download the MyMaccas app and earn rewards on your coffee. Hello, good morning. Welcome to the show, Fletch, Fawn and Hayley. Off to a jolly start. A jolly start. You're wearing a lovely national blue this morning. Yeah, but over a green dress.

You're sending me mixed messages. And it's got a bit of red in it as well. She's wearing, literally wearing... Every political party colour. Not a bit of red in it as well She's wearing literally wearing Every political party colour Not a lot of yellow It's a lovely colour Thank you It's a lovely colour

Thank you I've told you I'm in my sexy era and sexy can also mean a beautiful blue knit Does your sexy era include accidentally mascaraing your hair?

Oh my god I know I've put a big black streak Oh I hadn't noticed Yeah because I was doing my mascara and then I saw something in my hair and I went ugh I've put a big black streak. Oh, I hadn't noticed. Yeah, because I was doing my mascara and then I saw something in my hair and I went, ugh,

like with the wand like an idiot. Anyway, we'll make it look, it's intentional. I'm not fixing it. I don't have to impress you. I don't owe you anything. But that used to be a thing. Hair mascara.

Or like the hair would be one colour and then the strands at the front would be bleached. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, I had that. Because it was in that Jonah's Awful episode of the latest Black Mirror season. No, it was Geri Halliwell.

No, Geri Halliwell led the charge. She did. But the Alexis of Schitt's Creek's in that new... Have you watched the new Black Mirror? I haven't watched the new. I haven't yet, no. Oh, you simply must. Yeah, it's on the list.

My anxiety's been quite high and I just feel like Black Mirror is not the right thing for it. The episode Lock Henry will be good for your anxiety because it's not set in the future. Oh, beautiful. Yeah, I heard that it's in the past. Quite a few of them are in current times.

Right. It's a really good series. But yeah, she has blonde, and the girls were going to bed as we started watching it because it's not really for children. No. And they're like, oh my God, her hair is so stupid. And I was like, out.

Oh my God, that was the coolest look. I was like, that was the look. One cut off the head and the strands were different. Coming up soon on the show, the top six. Yesterday, Melbourne saying, actually, nah, we don't want the Commonwealth Games anymore. They're too expensive. Too spinning.

And they're happening in 2026. Bold move. Yeah. They've got the facilities. They literally have, like, I'm pretty sure their public transport, their trams and stuff, and a lot of their facilities are the results of the last time they held the games. Yeah. Yeah, right.

Melbourne had a real... Transport rules. Yeah, Melbourne had a real glow up during their last hosting of the Commonwealth Games. And... They don't want to do it. Now they're now they're like, I don't want to do it. Surely all the facilities are still there, right? Yeah, and they've kept them up over time. Right. All the sports ground.

Weird. So they've said we don't want to do it. But Christchurch, now you may remember Christchurch in 2010 and 2011 suffered a series of catastrophic. Devastating. We're aware, yes. I think most people would be aware. And I think if you ask people in Christchurch,

they would also say their infrastructure is still struggling. And a lot of empty spaces, a lot of roads. A lot of plans. The new sports stadium finally, though, that's coming along. But it's a lot of finally. Yeah. But apparently the mayor's like, we'll have it. You need more than one gonna happen sports stadium

to host the Commonwealth Games. Do they have a pool? Do they have other stadiums? Well, they will have a pool by the time it's ready for the Commonwealth Games. Yeah. I mean, put the pressure on. Jesus Christ.

Finish the cathedral. If Jerry Brownlee couldn't get it done in 13 years, I don't know if these other fellas are couldn't get it done in 13 years I don't know if these other fellas are going to get it done in three but anyway I've got the top six locations

for the Commonwealth Games in Christchurch for different events also your chance this morning on the show to be expense free for the rest of 23 all thanks to

One Roof Property so listen out for the activators today during the show and we'll also have a chance thanks to American Airlines to win an amazing return trip, all expenses paid to one of American Airlines'

incredible destinations, connecting through either LA or Dallas-Fort Worth. So listen out this morning. You have a chance to put a name on a boarding pass. Next on the show, if you're like me, and you like giving disapproving looks, it might be time to head to Hong Kong,

where it is being actively encouraged. The side eye. The side eye. The bombastic side eye. ZM's Fletch Vaughan and Hayley. Hong Kong. Fletch, what are your thoughts on Hong Kong and the one China policy? Absolutely. Stay clear of that, Vaughn.

Right. Any thoughts on the Middle East? Steer clear of any. I've always admired that about you as a broadcaster. You won't get drawn into international conflicts, I'm picking aside. Although, you know, some have said, Fletch, speak up for the people of Tibet.

Oh, well. The people they've been calling for. Look, I'll just remain quite neutral. You had your chance. On the radio show, you had your chance. Zed Fletch, speak up for the people of Tibet. I will. The people they've been calling for. I'll just remain quite neutral. You had your chance. On the radio show. You had your chance. Hong Kong is encouraging the stink eye to smokers. I love this.

They are literally officially encouraging you to give the bombastic side eye, as I said in front of my daughter's friends last night, to which she did a slow horror turn of, Dad, please don't use youth sayings. Yes. Oh, my God. I love that you can now embarrass her and it's going to mortify her. Do that slow turn with your eyes wide and your mouth sort of like,

What did you say? Oh, my God. I only hope at school it comes up today. Hey, Indy's dad said bombastic side eye last night. Oh, my God. I only hope at school it comes up today. Hey, Indy's dad said bombastic side-eye last night. Oh, God. Dreams come true. Yes, yes. We've reached the age.

Blessings be with us all. And they're encouraging you to give smokers the stink eye so that they feel bad about being smokers and maybe it will make them want to stop. I do this all the time, especially when I was at the lights even yesterday and I could smell smoke and I was like, yuck, like get away from me. It's so funny.

Did you give them a pass at Poth? Yes. Oh, my God. Just to let them know that I'm. Patsy, my mum, oh, my God, in a restaurant. You're like, Patsy, you're really putting on a performance here. Yeah. She's done it our whole lives.

I like sitting outside at a restaurant because of the fresh air. Oh, I love a bit of alfresco dining. I'm a huge fan of alfresco. Oh, la, la, I love it. I'll have a little al dente alfresco. Absolutely. But then if you get sat next to the smoke, you're like, oh, now I'm going to have to cough all through dinner

to let them know I disapprove of their habit. Yeah. It's a bummer. It's a bummer. I mean, I don't mind walking through like a candy floss vape cloud. Oh, I don't know. That's fine. It's just a quick pass through. Yeah, it's a quick pass

through and you're like, that's kind of cool. You can always see the ex-smokers, eh? Because they'll walk near a smoker and be like... Like a sniffer dog at the airport. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Interesting that a country would like publicise this and say, go out and give your fellow citizens the stink eye and make them feel bad. Yeah, yeah. But interesting that a country would, like, publicise this. And say, go out and give your fellow citizens the stink eye and make them feel bad.

Yeah. How is this going to work? People aren't going to quit. It's a hugely addictive thing. Yeah. Professor Lo Chung Mao. He's a professor. Yeah.

He said, when someone takes a cigarette out, everyone on the premises can stare at that person. Is this a joke? Like, are they doing it with a sense of comedy? I'm not overly familiar with the people of Hong Kong, but maybe there is a real shame. The Hong Kong Indians. I think, what do you call them?

Like, the group of denominations. It would be Hongkongese, wouldn't it? Hongkongians. What are Hong Kong people called? Hong Kongese. Hong Kongese. Or Hong Kongers. Hong Kongers.

Oh, I like Hong Kongers. I like Hong Kongers too. Hong Kongers. Hong Kongian. You can also be known as Hong Kongian, Hong Kongese, Hong Kongers too. Hong Kongers. Hongkonian. You can also be known as Hongkonian, Hongkones, Hong Kong citizens, or the people of Hong Kong. Well, the people of Hong Kong is too much.

Hong Kongers. Hong Kongers. I like Hong Kongers. The people of Hong Kong. We are the people of Auckland. Yeah. Or wherever you are. The people of Wellington.

Yeah. The people of Timaru. Give people the... I mean, we've been doing it for years. Yeah, it doesn't work. It doesn't work. And you've got to back it up with a hard cough. Next on the show... There are some cleaners that have said

the five things not to have in your house. But what? Because they're too hard to clean? Yeah, well, because they're nasty. Clay, ZM's, Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley. Anyway, a cleaner has shared on the needs of the social kind the top five things she recommends against when it comes to designing your home.

Right. And you know that I'm renovating at the moment. Is this too little too late? Too little too late, babe. I've got four out of five of these things. So she's talking about in terms of the things that get man like, manky really quick and even though they might look nice, they're really hard to clean. Right.

And so you'll be cleaning them twice as much. Yep. So her first recommendation to not put in your house, matte black cupboards. Got them. Yep. Do you have matte black cupboards? Yours are, like, dark, dark grey.

Darling, it's a scullery, darling. Oh, darling. The cupboard's up, darling. Oh, yes. Your cupboard's up, darling. Oh, yes. Your cupboard's too high, by the way. They're not too high. They're the perfect height. They're out of the reach of children

because you don't want children's hands on black cupboards. Well, your wife and I had a real difficult time reaching for the box of Chardonnay. Oh, no, that's on top of the cupboards. That's intentionally high. Yeah. Right. We had to call out for Aaron.

But dark cupboards are so, so Like they're in at the moment They look so They look amazing I've just put in A brand new Navy blue Kitchen And it's very very dark

Indian ink Resin Indian ink Is the colour And Lovely I will say They are They really show

Everything up Because what they show Is it like What's the matte texture Because like Yeah right If it's shiny right It'll reflect a lot Of the finger marks back off and you

like won't notice them as much. It's like my black fridge. Yeah, totally. Yeah, same. Or for either cleaning that or just not bothering. What do you clean it with? Just like a spray and wine. Like a microfiber.

This is sexy conversation. What do you clean your black fridge with? Well, once I cleaned it with a scouring thing. You effing fool. I gave it a little. You dumb idiot. Yeah, I'm a dumb idiot. It's like a brushed black fridge now thing. I gave it a little scratch. Yeah, I'm a dumb idiot. It's like a brushed black.

Yeah, now it's brushed black. I can't believe how dumb you are. I know. I'm actually quite dumb sometimes. You're very dumb. She said that they look amazing, but they're a nightmare to clean. Lucky you're hot. Lucky you're hot. Thank you.

Thank you. She said every mark can be seen. The next thing is great trains. So I would say, number one, I've got that. Is this one of the showers? Two great drains. But those look really cool. We've just literally bought two grate drains for our new shower.

So they're the ones that run along and you have the tiles come up. Yeah, yeah, yeah. As opposed to a hole. It's still got the hole in the middle, but the water can run sort of to it. No, not the hole in the middle. It's like, yeah, but like on top of the hole is a grate. Is a grate. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Those look cool. Why wouldn't you want one of those? Here. Here. Grey trains are difficult to clean because you have to remove the entire top layer to do it. So you've got to like take that off. Here and debris easily get caught in the long chamber. I love how they've said debris. We all know what that is. That's a bit of debris.

So it doesn't go down the tiny little, yeah, soap scum. Yeah. And here. But you have to take the thing off the plug to clean it properly anyway. Yeah, and yank out like a big chunk. Right. I mean, they're professional cleaners. They're doing like multiple homes a day. Yeah, I'm paying them.

Sounds like she's moaning. Yeah, exactly. You should be grateful to have a job. Number three. So I've got great drains and I've got dark cupboards. Number three, high bathroom mirrors. Another annoying feature is a high bathroom mirror that goes up to the ceiling. Oh, because then you've got to get a ladder to clean it.

Yeah, I know. I don't have that. I don't think. Tall-ass mirrors. Yeah, right. You've got to reach right up. It's hard to reach. Top of the glass also collects a lot of dust

and can make the mirror look dirty. Beautiful, but not worth it. Right, so for ever cleaning. Okay. Yeah. Number four, window and mirror splashbacks. You know, so behind your... We've got one.

You've got one of these. It's actually a window to outside. Yeah, I love it. Yeah. But you do get oily splashes on the... So forever cleaning? Yeah, but you're forever... Like, we get splashes on the tiles that are on our splashback.

Yeah, but you don't notice on tiles as much as you would a window. But you do notice on the surrounding dark cupboards. I'm waiting for dark tiles in the shower. Is that one of our splashback. Yeah, but you don't notice on tiles as much as you would a window. No, you don't. But you do notice on the surrounding dark cupboards. I'm waiting for dark tiles in the shower. Is that one of them? No. Yeah, because I did dark tiles in the shower and it's an absolute... Water stains.

It shows they're the water stains. Yeah, for sure. She was just like, yeah, it's hard to keep them spotless. And then her last one is gloss tiles. And that's what we've got coming in the bathroom. But she's meaning on the floor. I'm all good. Gloss tiles, extremely slippery.

Oh, so not so much for a cleaning thing. Because gloss tiles are easier to clean than matte tiles. Yeah. But she's meaning more always slipping. Yeah. Nightmare to keep clean and they reflect back every footprint and minor scuff, not to mention they are just extremely slippery. Right, so better on the wall because you're not walking on them.

Better on the walls. Yes. Go for your more, your laminate or your hardwoods. Put your butt up against them on your new shiny tiles. What are you doing pushing your butt up against a tile? Well, you could just want to be leaning back in the shower. Yeah, you could be. You could be leaning back, taking a dis-

How well do things stick to the side of the table? Because I was thinking of getting one of those- Shower caddies. Shower caddies that sticks. Oh, with the suction. Yeah. When you're like, poof, onto the wall. Yeah, and it especially holds your razor and everything like that.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Hopefully they stick. That's all that's sticking to the wall of the shower. I don't know why you look to me like that. I'm not looking at you anything. No, neither. Look me in the eye. Why can't either of you look me in the eye after I talk about sticking something in the water?

So I'm just saying that we've come around to use your shower and there's always a big suction mark on the tile. There is. And there's nothing there. The shower caddy's already there. Well, I know I use a plunger to stable myself. It is. It's the size of a small plunger. Yeah.

The mark that gets in it. I don't want to fall over in the shower. I don't want to have an injury at my age. Plus you've got a handle. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But why don't you leave it up? It looks a bit nasty. Right. Okay. Play ZM's Fletchford and Ailey.

Play ZM. Blah, blah, blah. Blah, blah, blah, blah. This is the Top Six. Well, good morning to you. Melbourne, in an unprecedented move, have put their hand up and said, yeah, we'll host the Commonwealth Games,

were selected, and then said, we don't want to host the Commonwealth Games anymore. So how long ago were they selected? So they hosted in 2006, and then so they were selected a few, I think they announced it after the last Commonwealth Games, right? They announced the next few.

I think they're two ahead. Like the Olympics is three ahead, I think. And I think the Commonwealth Games is two ahead. I just mean, how long have they known? How long have they known they were going to host it? It was announced years ago. And so apparently it was meant to cost $2.6 billion, but costs have spiraled to $6 billion.

Who's doing it? It's silly. Welcome to the world of renovation. Things triple quite quickly. Very quickly out of hand. And the builder doesn't show up, and then you haven't got a stadium built. You're on the phone, Gazza, where are you? You can't find the Sparky.

Oh, yeah, I'll be there in five minutes. Yeah, where's your five minutes or my five minutes, mate? Yeah. But why don't, this might sound silly, but why don't they just have in the same place every year? That's so boring. I know, but.

And also, it's pumping money into the economies of where it goes. Yeah, but they've got to spend so much money, so if we're going to replace, or there's just like four places that do it

and it just rotates around. But then they've already got all the facilities from the last time. How does it cost $6 billion to just reno a few places? Yeah, I know what you mean. So I told you. Go to paint. Go to paint. Freshen up. Well, Christ, last time. How does it cost $6 billion to just reno a few places? Yeah, I know what you mean.

Coat of paint? Freshen up? I don't know if Melbourne can do a sponsored content deal with Resene to get free paint. And a big thank you to Resene for providing the paint for my house. Well, the Christchurch mayor's put his hand up and said, well, why don't we just have it here? We could cheer it around the country.

It's not like hosting dinner. Christchurch, calm down. Yeah, that's like when your partner says, come round for dinner, I'm sure she can whip something up. Aaron, there's nothing in the fridge. We don't have anything. Christchurch, please don't speak on our behalf. We don't want to share it around.

Wow, okay. So it's happening in Christchurch, and today's top six, the top six places for certain events in Christchurch. Wait, is it happening? No, it's not happening in Christchurch. It certain events in Christchurch. Wait, is it happening? No, it's not happening in Christchurch. It's happening in Christchurch. He's just saying... You're just saying

that it could happen and the man said, well, we could try. It's happening in Christchurch. Prepare. Oh, God. Okay, sure. Right.

Get your picnics ready. Number six on the list of the top six places for events in Christchurch. Swimming down the Avon. Who needs to... The pool is not done yet. No, so the pool and the stadium will be done.

They won't be done. But when you change a lap, though, God, you need to be swimming upstream every second lap. Oh, yeah, so that'll really put the records out. Nobody's going to beat a record unless downstream. I think we're just going to go downstream the whole way. Okay, yeah. Is it long enough?

You'd better get a straight stretch of 100 metres. 100 metres? Although, who cares? metres? Although, maybe. Who cares? Chuck a corner and you've also got... I don't know. You'd need a bit of rain because I think your hands would touch the bottom.

You might strike a duck. Well, we're actually... We were planning on a bit of rain for number five on the list of the top six places for events in Christchurch. Whitewater kayaking down a flooded Avon. Okay. Yeah, nice.

Maybe we can start the swimming as the rain starts and then when the downpours really happen... Get into the... Get the boats in there. Do that fun whitewater kayaking. Is whitewater rafting a Commonwealth sport? Whitewater kayak... Slalom kayaking.

Slalom, yeah. Is that what they call it? Luca Jones does it. Slalom. Da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da. And they paddle real hard. Number four on the list of the top six places for events in Christchurch are cycling up the Port Hills.

Oh, yeah. And then gliding up the Port Hills. Oh, yeah. And then gliding down the other side. Yeah, good stuff. And then getting a muffin in Lyttelton and then coming back through the tunnel because it's flat. You want a flat one on the way back. Yes. You've done all the hard work. Yeah.

Number three on the list of the top six places for events in Christchurch. Weight lifting can happen just on the street. Lifting those concrete barriers out of the way and change up the one-way system to a new and very hard to navigate setup that Google Maps does not recognise. Yeah. Those concrete barriers. Number two on the list of the top six places for events in Christchurch,

skeet shooting at the cathedral. Oh, yeah. That thing is full of pigeons. Get the pigeons, yeah. And a Commonwealth gold. Commonwealth gold, a record, and eliminate half that bird shit that seems to be. Could, or maybe use machine guns, get quite a few.

You know? A new. Yeah. Yeah. A new branch of the skeet shooting division. Just an idea. From shotgun to. I think machine guns are at the Commonwealth Games.

Are they not? No. And somehow slailing is. Slailing. Slailing. Splailing. Splailing? Slalom.

Slalom. Slalom. Interesting. What is it? And number one on the list of the top six places for events in Christchurch, the equestrian can be at the Margaret Maie playground. Oh, you're great at it. Oh, my God, jumping over all the little things.

That slides really wide and the horse would be like And a butler, a professional butler, which apparently is still a thing. Is a thing. What, like for rich people in like the UK or something? He's in the UK. His name's Daniel Pratley. Okay. Hello, Daniel. Hello, Daniel.

Daniel, mummy's thirsty. Yeah, that's what it'll be. That'll be me. Pratley, old boy, got the jug on. I'm going for a drive. Sir, you've been drinking. I said, got the jug on, Pratley. Pratley, go and service the missus.

She's in the tub. Oh, Pratley. Put on that mask I made that looks a bit like me. She's so shit-faced she won't know. God made love to my wife, Pratley. Yes, sir. Immediately, sir. So he's got a social media following.

He's called Dan the Butler, and he shares a whole bunch of, like, behind the scenes of being a butler. He shouldn't be doing that. The butler. Can you pay for his silence? Yeah, surely that's part of the premium. You'd be under an NDA contract or something. NBA?

No, mate, they're not tool or nothing. So he's like giving up. People follow and watch this guy being a butler. Yeah, and he just sort of says like etiquette things or like, yeah, social. This is the etiquette thing that none of us knew. Yeah, and I think only rich people would know this. Okay.

Obviously, it's not like a new idea that when you go to a dinner party, you bring something. Yeah. Be it a Mama Fiorelli's, be it a bottle of wine. I will always bring a Mama Fiorelli's. I'm a great guest. Don't bother. But if I'm going to dinner at someone's house, always bring at least a bottle of wine and a pud.

A pud or a side or you bring the entree nibbles and that kind of thing. He said, so you've got to bring a bottle of wine, but it's got to be a nice bottle of wine. Can't be a £4.50. That's a $9 bottle of wine. What about a £14.50 with a couple of stickers on it? It's got to have stickers. A couple of gold and silver stickers.

It's got to have stickers. A couple of gold and silver stickers. It's got to have stickers. Yeah, yeah. Anyway, he says the cardinal rule here is that if someone brings you a bottle of wine

as a gift to a dinner party, it is poor etiquette to open it that night. Oh. You want to open it at the dinner party? Yeah.

No, you always crack into it at the dinner party. Especially later in the night when you've run out of wine and you've... This is because it implies that you do not have enough wine

to keep your guests' glasses filled the whole time. Oh, okay, so you're poor. This is basically, yeah. Like we can't afford to quench you all. Yeah. But I feel like in a more realistic world, you bring what you sort of plan to drink. Yeah, exactly.

And then if your host has another cup or bottle, or like when we went to Vaughan's a couple of weeks ago, has a box of Chardonnay that wasn't to be touched, you can get into that last. Is that the Manny McLean leftover from the wedding wine? That was the last of the McLean reserve. Did you drink it all? No, no, they came and got it. Oh, right.

But I heard we put it bloody dead to them. Yes, you did. So yeah, it's basically like you should never open the wine that's bought for you. Make sure that you have enough wine, but also non-alcoholic spirits, drinks. Non-alcoholic spirits. That's what he said. And Fratley. Bugger off.

Bugger off. Bugger off, Fratley. Yeah. Well, dog poo. Dog owners just leaving it on the streets Has always been a problem They do poo A lot of different councils around New Zealand Have fines

Although I don't know You never see dog Finers out do you? You never see a dog in prison Do you? No you never see a dog in prison I've had a dog fine once How did you get it though?

Did they see you? It was when we lived in Sandringham And we took Lulu down to a park And there was a dog Off the leash area. Yeah. And then there was an invisible line that was a not dog off the leash. Oh, get off.

It was the edge of this rugby field that wasn't being used or anything. It was like midweek. Right. And we were running around with Lulu and I threw the ball because, I don't know, I saw the thing that said dog friend. I threw the ball and she ran out and then these two people came over and said, excuse me, this is on the leash area. You'll be fine.

I was like, a big part. I refused to believe it. It seemed like a scam. Yeah. You're going to have to send us the thing in the mail because I'm not believing. Like, you can't just rock up to somebody. There's no line.

There's no nothing. Did they have a uniform? Yeah. They had the van and everything. Oh, they had a van. Animal control. They've got a van. But they were just sitting at the car. If you've got a van, you've got to trust them. Yeah. That's what I grew up being told. Yeah, I jumped in the van and everything. Oh, they had a van. Animal control. They've got a van. But they were just sitting at the car.

If you've got a van, you've got to trust them. Yeah. That's what I grew up being told. Yeah, I jumped in the van. They said they had puppies in the van. The man with the lollies. Yeah, the man with the lollies and the puppies. Yeah, yeah.

So in the van I hopped. Well, this French town, which I believe is pronounced Beziers. Beziers. Beziers. They are now teaming up with the, because I think it sounds like a small town, they're teaming up with all the vets in the town, and they will run any dog poo found left on the streets or the parks through a DNA database.

A dog poo, like CSI Miami. Jeepers. Like that TV show, any kind of detective show where they quickly run the DNA in the lab, and then they will find you if you haven't cleaned up and they link it to your dog poo. It sounds expensive, right? It sounds like a really expensive. The fines must be through the roof.

Also, screw being a scientist in that lab, eh? It would just bring your DNA from faeces. Remember we asked this question, could you take a dump at a crime scene and get away with it? Well, it depends if you left a hair in there. Well, that's a thing. No, I'm pretty sure your poo is... It's lower quality

than traditional sources of DNA. Deniability in a court of law. But it's a valid source of DNA. Okay, I didn't know. Okay, so don't take a dump at a crime scene. But only if they have a high quality DNA sample of your dog. Who's got the DNA of your dog? So apparently it's only a fine of €122,

which I know that's double, €240, €250 New Zealand, but that's still a lot of time and effort. Yeah. To track down a dog that's done a dump. They must be breaking even on it, though. Or it must be a huge problem that they just want to scare people out of. Well, yeah. Also, they have to have the DNA sample of your dog.

So what, you register your dog, you get the little collar, but you have to send them a handful of hair. I'm guessing. Or a poop that they can... Yeah, maybe. That's what they'll implement is you've got to get a bit of DNA.

You know the way to get DNA off dogs is to walk up to a dog owner and be like, oh my God, your dog is the cutest dog I've ever seen in my life. Can I pat it? Can I pat it? Yep. Or I would love to make a clone of this dog. Can I take some of its hair

for DNA purposes? Oh yeah. And then when they're not looking, just put a bit of hair on the slide. Yeah, put it on the slide. Put another slide on top and then put it into the microscope. So that's how you look at DNA, through a microscope. I was like with you. I was like, sure, of course. That sounds like how you'd get DNA, right? You just rip the hair out

Put it in the bag And get the DNA later at the lab That's it That's what happens on the TV show It happens in like 20 seconds Sciences Results are there Straight away

Imagine if the dog was Jack the Ripper Wouldn't that be a twist? What a twist Jack the Ripper was just like some Like Jack Russell Yeah That's why he's called Jack The Russell

Someone overheard it incorrectly. It's been lost. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley. Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley. Silly little pole. Silly little pole. It is so silly, silly, silly. That silly little pole.

Silly little pole. Silly little pole. Silly little pole. Silly little pole. Silly little Pole today. How do you eat your mellow puffs? Just bite it. Or pick the chocolate off. Yeah. Do you suck the marshmallow off the biscuit once you...

No, I'll mostly just bite, but sometimes I'll nibble right round the edge and then pick the chocolate off. Yeah, I don't F with Mellow Puffs. Yeah, I haven't had a Mellow Puff for ages. Do you remember, I used to get those big ones, the giant Mellow Puffs, back in like the early 2000s. Individually wrapped.

Yeah. Crack it on your forehead and get a whopping bruise because they're really hard. Do they have a hard one? I don't think I've had that. I saw them, but I don't think I've had one. It's been a while since I've had a Mallow Puff. Countdown. Have you done enough for a Mallow Puff?

Countdown, excuse me. Do those Rocky... What? Countdown. Woolworths. Sorry. No, but they're not... Who?

Who? I don't know a Countdown. They do these Rocky Road... They're in their transition stage. I'm just jumping ahead to Woolworths. Yeah, okay. I don't want to be cancelled. I'm not going to call them Woolworths.

I know. Okay, I'll just call them the supermarket. The green or grey. What, you're not even going to give them a name? Oh, God, I don't know. Am I cancelled? Anyway, they've got these Rocky Road ones that are like Mallow Puffs. They're so good.

They're real nom. That Countdown brand. And they're real cheap. Yeah. Yeah. I'll go out there and say I think they're better than a Mallow Puff. Yeah, I knew. Who makes a Mallow Puff?

Griffin's? Griffin's make a Mallow Puff? Yeah, I know. Who makes a Malibu? Griffins? Griffins make a Malibu? Yeah, I think so. Only Griffins Malibu is so spicy. Oh, no. You're cancelled. That's ginger nuts. And the accent.

I don't know. Wait, was he doing an accent? Yeah, he was doing a Jamaican accent, wasn't he? Was he? No, ginger nuts is quite the same. Cancelled. That's all of us in one break. Anyway, we'll see you tomorrow if we've still got jobs. Hey, guys, it's been really good. It's been nice. Thank you quite the same. That's all of us in one break. Anyway, we'll see you tomorrow if we've still got jobs.

Hey guys, it's been really good. It's been nice. Thank you to the fans. This was the word that hit the accent strongest. Ask for Griffons. Oh yeah. Ginger nuts by name.

Aaron constantly sings only ginger nuts is so spicy but he never does the accent. It is so spicy. It's good that he doesn't. He's playing Kiwi. I'm sorry, but yeah. You've got to do the Jamaican accent.

I don't know what Jamaicans have to do with ginger nuts. Absolutely nothing. Thinking about it now. Absolutely nothing. It's just a fun way to sing the song. Oh my God, it's so inappropriate. How do you eat Mouth of Puffs? 67% of people just bite it.

33% of people pick the choccy off. Dan says, obviously pick the choccy off, especially after smashing it on my forehead. Did you say choccy? Choccy. Choccy off. Dan says, obviously pick the choccy off, especially after smashing it on my forehead. Did you say choccy? Choccy. Choccy. You don't, says Alice, because mallow puffs are gross. Oh, yeah, wow, okay.

Alice coming in hot. I mean, they're not my top five biscuit. They're not even top ten. I'll eat them if they're there, but I'm not, yeah, you're not going out of your way to buy them. No, no, no. Smash it on your head, then bite it, says Kevin. Men seem to be in this...

So far, both head smashes have been men. But you're just going to end up with a little chocolate on your forehead. And then it smears. Yeah. And it looks silly. Bridget said the only way to eat them is chocolate, then mallow, then the bicky. Oh, no. Yuck. They'd be a good schmore, wouldn't they? Yeah, they would. Yeah.

They'd be a good sort of a self-made schmore because they've already got the marshmallow puff, they've already got the chocolate, they've already got the biscuit base. Yum. Chox Social says, actually, I bite the bottom off.

The biscuit. They're a bottom. Yeah, they go for the bottom first. Eat the bottom off and then they'll eat the mellow. The mellow's the last bit. Alex says, just eat the bottom first. Eat the bottom off, and then they'll eat the mallow. The mallow's the last bit. Alex says, just eat the bloody thing. Okay, Dad.

Wow, Alex. Okay, Dad. Alex coming in hot. I think that's why I don't smash them on my forehead, because my mum would have been like, no more. Oh, yeah, and also you might lose a bit of chocolate. You smashed on your head. And you make a mess, and then she has to clean it up,

because you bloody kids won't. She's got to spit on her sleeve and go, come here. Yeah. Get it off. There's a German Mallow Puff. Producer Jared's just sent this through to me. It looks like a Mallow Puff with twice the mallow. Oh.

It's wider or taller? Taller. Oh, okay. Sort of like knob-like. Okay. It goes up. They're German and they're called Super Dickmans. Super Dickmans. Yeah, Super Dickmans. Two N up. They're German and they're called super dickmans. Super dickmans. Yeah, super dickmans. Two Ns.

Germany. There's things. We've made them on Bake Off before. They're called something. I've Googled German super dickman. No. And I have not. There's nothing coming up with a biscuit.

No, you put the space in the wrong place. There's a, yeah. No, no, no. It's super dickmans, not super mandick. You've put the horse ahead of the wrong place. There's a, yeah, there's a... No, no, no, it's super dick man's not super man dick. You've put the man of... You've put the horse ahead of the cart there. Oh, yeah, these are giant, aren't they? They're really tall.

They're really long. There's like, there's a thing called a, like it's a flurdenburger or something, a flurdenburger or something. And now, like, you get a biscuit base. A flurdenburger. A flurdenburger. Flurdenburger.

And they're like this high, like they're like 15 centimetres high. Well, I wonder if anybody knows where I can get a super dickman. You know those... You know those European import stores? Yes. They had them. Oh, I could get some...

Okay, so the reason that they sung in a Jamaican accent... Oh, back to the inappropriate ginger nuts ad. Jamaica exports a lot of ginger. The major ginger growing areas are 450 to 900 metres above sea level in the hilly central area of Jamaica. Okay. Where the parishes of Manchester, which of course is a traditional Jamaican name,

Clarendon, another one,. Anne and Trelawney meat. Right. And so that's why the ginger nuts was Jamaican. Yeah, because they grow a lot of ginger. So, wait, are you cancelled or not cancelled? I'm not cancelled, I think. I was uncancelled and then recancelled. And to jump back to Germany,

Flodboller is what they're called. Oh, they're chocolate mellow domes. It's a mellow path, basically. But, is what they're called. Oh, they're chocolate mellow domes. It's a chocolate mellow dome. It's a mellow puff, basically. But, like, those look handmade. Those look amazing. Yeah, they are. They're a baking that I've experienced on a baking show.

Do you think the mellow puff came around during a rename? Because, you know, in, like, World War II and World War I, when the Germans were, like, no-go, they renamed lots of things. That's why a German shepherd is called an Alsatian. Oh, okay, maybe. And that's why sauerkraut got called victory cabbage or whatever that was called. Right.

Freedom cabbage. Maybe a flodboller. Got renamed a mallopuff because it sounded too German and German products weren't selling. Huh. Huh. I tell you what, there's been a lot of speculation in this break. A lot of speculation.

But at least Vaughan's uncancelled. I think I was cancelled. I'm the one who brought the song into the room. I'm uncancelled too, eh? Next on the show. Can you just confirm? Yes, you're uncancelled. I'm panicking. Uncancelled. I think I was cancelled. I'm the one who brought the song into the room. I'm uncancelled too, eh? Next on the show. Can you just confirm? Yes, you're uncancelled. I'm panicking.

Uncancelled. Jessica Mickerson is 37 years old. I would describe her as an earth-loving, nose-ring, hairy armpit, sort of chocolate necklace, big long skirt vibe. Crunchy. Yep. Wasn't that the term for that?

Crunchy. Okay. Crunchy. Why? I don't know. It was like the crunchy mum and it was like the dreadlock mum and the crystal deodorant and that sort of thing. Yeah, that's her vibe.

Oh, and no judgment. Absolutely no judgment. Oh, no judgment. I'm just trying to paint a picture. Yeah, that's it. Oh, and no judgment. Absolutely no judgment. I've got no judgment. I'm just trying to paint a picture. Yeah, yeah, yeah, exactly. Center of the mind. Exactly. Now, she has adopted a sort of symbolic practice, she calls it.

Okay. Where during her menstrual cycle, she will collect the excretes. Like in a moon cup or something. In a moon cup. The excretes. The excret Like in a moon cup or something. In a moon cup. The excretes. The excretes in a moon cup. Yeah. And pop it into a little spray bottle and use a little bit of water

and then she sprays it onto the soil of all her plants. And she says it's good for her. What kind of plants? Like your tomato plants? No, no, just her like indoor plants. Is this on par with a Yates Thrive? Like a plant that you get from the garden centre? I'm a tooey seaweed guy.

Are you right? I'm a tooey seaweed and horse and fish. Bit of root blast. Bit of root blast. Bit of root blast. Does it smell? Yeah, I don't know. It contains nitrogen and potassium

Oh, that's all there Potassium's K Nitrogen's N Those are the letters that have always got When you buy a fertiliser Why is potassium K? It never made any sense I think P was taken That's phosphorus

That's pH I guess it's got nutrients. It'll be because the Latin word for potassium starts with K. That's always the unusual ones. Yeah. That's why. Okay. So, yeah, she's doing it as a way to sort of claim back her period,

which she said has always been like a painful thing for her. Right. And now she's like, no, I'm turning it into a positive thing and giving the plants a bit of a zhuzh. Now, friend of the show, Morgan Penn. Sexologist, yeah. Sexologist. You've done the podcast with her.

Star of Sex.Life. Sex.Life, yeah. Which you can binge here and now after our ZDM radio show. Yes. Now, she's done this before. Has she? That doesn't surprise me. She's had a wee collection of the Moon Cup show. Yes. Now she's done this before. Has she? That doesn't surprise me. She's had a wee collection

of the Moon Cup variety. And yeah, and then you keep it. But it'd be better to put it under the soil, right? Because otherwise would it get stinky? Yeah, I don't know.

I'd sprinkle a little bit more potting mix on top. On top, yeah. Sort of seal it in. But she's spritzing it not only on the soil but it's like on the leaves. On the leaves., sort of seal it in. But she's spritzing it not only on the soil but it's like on the leaves. On the leaves.

Just spritzing it around. But I was in my room yesterday and a leaf, a leaf? A leaf, yeah. A leaf. The singular of leaves. The singular of leaves.

A leaf left and it just dropped on the floor. What's that big one that you've got that's real tall? Fiddle leaf fig. Yeah, fiddle leaf fig. They drop all the time.

Don't worry about it. I know, and it just drops. No, they don't drop all the time. No, they don't drop all the time. No, but when they do drop they literally just go like poof and fall on the ground. Yeah, fiddle leaf fig. They drop all the time. Don't worry about it. I know, and it just drops. No, they don't drop all the time. No, they don't drop all the time. No, but when they do drop, they literally just go like poof and fall on the ground. Yeah, and it was real sad. I was like, no. But if you've got like a leafless trunk at the bottom.

Yeah. Yeah, we've got that too. Yeah, that's the yuckiest thing about fiddle leaf fig. Just get a small fiddle leaf and then under plant it so you've got a second one growing at the bottom. That's what we did. Now we've got two in one pot. Is there root room?

Nah, there's plenty of room. I'm just not good at pot plants. Potassium is, the symbol for potassium is K because it comes from kalium, the medieval Latin for potash. There you go, so you were right. Always the Latinos. Not the Latinos, the Latin. Always the Latinos.

Oh, I'll take, we'll pull back. Wrong Latin. I'm not, I, you know, that's whatever. It's her pot plant. And if she's seeing the results, well, whatever. Yeah, you're not. I don't want her coming into my house and doing it, but that's my house and she can do what she wants in her house.

To be fair though, if your fiddle leaf is dropping leaves, as a friend, next time I'm on the cycle, I'm happy to collect for you. No, because I feel if I wanted that, I could just, my father-in-law, who I've talked about many times on the shows,

is he still doing the karaoke? Is he still recording a lot of songs? Of course. It's all he does. When will we play it? When will we play another one? On air.

Well, I'm more than happy to get a hold of some files. Yeah, great. I'd love to hear his Tracy Chapman fast car. You got a fast car. I don't know if it could get that low. This is why I want to hear files. Yeah, great. I'd love to hear his Tracy Chapman fast car. You got a fast car. I don't know if it would get that low. This is why I want to hear it.

Yeah, it's going to get that low. Hey, we arrived at his house once some years ago, and I said, oh, what have you put in here? He had some pot plants. Oh, yeah. On the bench. I said, what have you put in here? And he said, meat.

Far out. And I said, I'm, beg your pardon, isn't that like a feed, like, because you know how sometimes you can get like little fertilizer blocks and you put them under the soil but they slowly dissolve and slowly feed the plant.

Yeah. And I said, it's meat. And he said, yes, meat. I said, what kind of meat? And he said, well, I was cooking myself liver and kidney offal, as he does, tripe.

And he said, I had some left over. This is when he had dogs. He's like, I gave the dog some. And I thought, well, why wouldn't the plants also eat it? What was he like thumbing in bits of meat into the pop line? He wasn't even thumbing it in. Sitting it on top around the base of the pop line.

Each pop line had five cubes of meat. And it smelled. And I said, perhaps you were used to the smell as it slowly. No. I also think the man doesn't have a sense of smell I've mentioned this to him before I was like you can't smell that

he's like I can't smell that and I was like I believe your sense of smell may be gone right and he was feeding the

so we Sade was like I'm gonna get rid of it like this is yuck so over the course of the weekend she started throwing them away yeah

and then when we were about to leave at the end of the weekend, he was like, look at that. Told you. They ate them. What? And I looked at Shade being like, and she's like, oh, what do you know, Dad? They did too. Because if she had said he threw them out,

she didn't even want to get out. It was easier for her. And in my mind, I honestly believe he thinks at night the plant literally bent over and went om, om, om. Om, om, om, om, om, om, om. Like Seymour, the plant from Little Shop of Horrors. Yes. In my mind, I've never asked,

but I'm sure that's how he figured it went. Play. ZDM's Fletchvorn and Hayley. I want to go. Carlos Alcaraz Very attractive man Very I'll say it Spanish tennis hunk And he won Wimbledon

Wimbledon Wimbledon Wambledon He wombled his way into Wambledon And he came out with a trophy Well he appeared on TV On an American CNN show the next day to talk about winning Wambledon.

And right at the end they said, do you mind showing us the little trophy? Because you could see a little bit of the trophy. It was kind of semi-off screen. And as he picked it up, he dropped it. It bounced off the couch and he said, it's okay, it's okay. And the lid came off it. But it is like the Wimbledon trophy.

Which would be like priceless. Yeah. You'd imagine, right? Because how long has Wimbledon been a thing? It was founded in 1877. So he's 20 years old. Only in his lifetime, four very high profile tennis players. The year that he was born, Leighton Hewitt won.

Remember that Australian guy that they did Beck Cartwright, was married to Beck Cartwright from Home and Away? That's right. What ever happened to them? Are they still together? Yes, please. I think they're still together. I haven't heard of separations.

The boys get a trophy and the girls get a plate, eh? They get the plate. Yeah. Pop some biscuits on it and off of the... We got a story from last year. Leighton Hewitt and Beck. Put on a spread. Incredible love story. Yeah, they're still together. They get the plate Yeah Pop some biscuits on it And off of the Yeah Pop into the dishwasher Yeah Late and human and big Incredible love story Oh yeah

They're still together Fantastic But yeah So since after him Rafael Nadal Roger Federer Andy Murray And Novak Djokovic

Are the only four people In the hand to have won So he broke this like And then he comes along And is Calvin Klein's 20 years old He's a Calvin Klein model Did you see Djokovic Having a tanty again And had to pay another fine He broke his racket Yeah And then he comes along and is Calvin Klein's. 20 years old. He's a Calvin Klein model.

Did you see Djokovic having a tanty again and had to pay another fine? He broke his racket. I'm allowed to do that. I've watched my dad do it once. Was he hungover when he dropped the trophy? He looked a little bit hungover. Because you'd be celebrating that feat. Because you're the first person to win, you know, that's not one of these four big players.

And you're 20. He was born in 2003. Yeah. Your baby. Yeah, he's simply a gorgeous little child. And he won Wimbledon. Yeah. But he dropped the trophy.

Oh, my God. That is like my worst nightmare. Like, I know the day that I win an Oscar, and it's like not too far away. I'll break it. I'll, like, snap the head off. Yeah. You know, because I was grabbing it by its feet, and I'm like, that's the thin too far away. I'll break it. I'll like snap the head off. You know, because I was grabbing it by its feet and I'm like, that's the thinnest bit. But they look heavy, Oscars.

Yeah, I know, but they've got to attach to the plinth somehow. I don't reckon they're going to be that well made this year. It's always when I'm in a store and I pick something up, I'm like, don't drop this, don't drop this. For women, it's the handbag. Because you've always got a handbag on your shoulder or your hip and like you're in a shop and you've got to turn. And you take out like a shelf of wine.

That was me on holiday. I always wore a backpack with like drink bottles and kids sweatshirts and everything. And we were walking into shops and I'd turn and I'd be like, oh, I've forgotten I'm a turtle now. I've forgotten how much my shell sticks out. You can't have it. You're a long load. Yeah. You need one of those signs that trucks have.

Long load with a little flag on the back. Yeah, yeah. Long load. Whereas I'm a wide load because I wear my handbag on my hip. Right, right. So I'm wider. Well, you need a pilot vehicle as well. We need a couple of pilot vehicles.

That's Aaron. He's the pilot. Well, he's a long load. That's what I was saying in my vows when we finally get married. You are my pilot vehicle. Yes. Let me be your wide load. I'm a wide load.

You're a little truck with a flashy light. And lovely as my load gets wider and wider. Yes. Let me be your wide load. I'm a wide load. You're a little truck with a flashy light. And love me as my load gets wider and wider. Yeah. Would love to know the most expensive thing that you've dropped or knocked over this morning. Oh, yes. I mean, a priceless tennis heirloom. Yeah. It's got to be up there.

It's an old trophy. So if it hit the ground, if it hit a tile. I know. I reckon it would break the tiles before it broke itself. It'd be solid. Yeah. But some have said the same about the America's Cup. And then a it hit a tile, I reckon it would break the tiles before it broke itself. It would be solid. Yeah. But some said the same about the America's Cup and then a man took a sledgehammer to it.

That's right. Oh, my God. America's Cup, that's the sailing one, right? Yeah. I went to a party recently and it was there and I was so nervous that I was going to make a scene. It would have been the fake one. They've got replicas.

Oh, do they? Yeah. Yeah, decoy. They've got decoys. Decoy America's Cup. Yeah, they're not going to put one of those next to a drunk you. No, I know, but I'm scared. So, okay, so what have you dropped that was really expensive?

Maybe it was priceless. Maybe it was just really expensive, like a phone or something in a store. Maybe it was, like, something in your family that was, like, you know, like Nana's vase. Maybe it was Nana. Nana was in the vase. Oh, Nana's urn. Yeah. Okay, oh Nana's vase. Maybe it was Nana. Nana was in the vase. Oh, Nana's urn. Yeah.

Okay, 0800 DALS. Did you just dice a Nana up and then like empty the Dyson into her? Yeah, I'd empty the Dyson first. Empty the Dyson. Give it a really good empty and then suck Nana up. Yeah. And then empty. And then tip her from the Dyson back into the urn. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And give it a like a. You know, I'd just put Nana in an AG preserving jar because she loved those things. She loved making jars of preserves. Put a bit of vinegar in there. Yeah, a bit of vinegar. And then the seal on top. Some peppercorns. And a boiling pot.

And then get the seal done. But then don't drop Nana. No, don't drop Nana. So 0800DARLS at Amazon number. Give us a call. You can text as well. 9696. What is the most expensive thing that you've dropped or brought?

Clay, ZM's, Fletch, Vaughn, and Hayley. What have you dropped that was expensive? Yeah, maybe priceless even. Priceless. Maybe it was what you dropped the thing on that was priceless. For example, somebody messaged in saying, my best friend was working at a function and she dropped a cocktail down a rich lady's uv-er, $1,000 coat.

Uv-er. So she spilled it down the coat. What is an uv-er? What's an uv-er? I'm unsure. Beck, what did you drop? Me in Christchurch? Yeah. Yes.

Wait, did the dropping happen in Christchurch? Well, it did. It was my practice. Wait, what the dropping happen in Christchurch? Well, it did. Okay. It was my practice. Wait, what did you drop? I dropped my son, my newborn son. Oh, no. How high were you standing or sitting?

He's okay. He's like 13 now and surviving. He's okay. Yeah. Every time he says something dumb, though, you're like, that was me. That was me. 100%. My bad. dumb, though, you're like, that was me. That was me. 100%. My bad.

We dropped you when you were born, buddy. Wait, fresh born, was he slippery, still covered in the birth juice? Hey, he was, it was like about five days old. Oh, shit. Oh, no, that's terrifying as a new parent. I don't even know what happened between the shit nappies and the no sleep and the... It's a blur. Oh my god, it sounds so funny.

I didn't do it to the other two, so that's good. Yeah. Okay. We live and we learn. We're all dropped a little bit. Well, when he was born, my husband thought his head snapped off, so, you know. He's all good now. He's an absolute loose unit, Bec. Nothing can take a step out of this woman, you know?

She's out there striding her way through awful days. Love it. Thank you, Bec. Michaela, you were the one that dropped the cocktail on the expensive dress. No, that's not me. It was my best friend. We used to work in a hostel together. Oh, okay.

And you're from New Plymouth, eh? Yes. Yeah. No. And you're from New Plymouth, eh? Yes. Yeah. No. I really want to just stamp, I'm not. No. You had a wonderful time in New Plymouth just a few weeks ago. Still don't want to be from there. Still don't want to be from there.

Yes, Michaela, I am. Fletch. Okay, so you know, like, the art gallery area? Yes. Yeah, so, like, we worked around there, and it was, like, an art gallery function with, like, poncy cows, you know? Full of cent cows, did you say? Poncy cows.

I said poncy cows. I was like, manatees? Manatees were there? Okay, and so this lady was at a table, and she had this, like, really nice jacket from Evu. Right. Do you guys know that shop? Oh, yes, I know that shop.

I don't know that shop, but I'm imagining, like, expensive, like thousands. Like, super expensive. Yeah, right, okay. It's a fashionable tech, darling. Okay. Like, rabbit fur or something, I don't know. Okay, yeah. And she was carrying drinks over and, like, bent down and

one, like, tip, you know, when you do that, you're, like, not thinking about the other drink in the other hand. Yeah. And it went down the back of her neck and all over the back of her really expensive jacket. Oh, wow.

Okay. Okay. This is why I could never work in a hospital. I do this stuff all the time. This is why I never carry trays. Yeah. No, you just go two at a time. Two at a time. This is why I never carry trays. No, you just go two at a time. Two at a time.

Michaela, thank you. Some messages in. I used to work in a boutique hotel. I dropped a cheese board. Thought nothing of it. Yeah.

Priceless, to be fair. Two boards. $12,000 later of telling off. What? What was this cheese board made of? What, like the board

was like some kind of fancy marble or? Wait, what? I don't know. We've got follow-up questions. Yeah, what was that board made of? What, like the board was like some kind of fancy marble or? Wait, what? I don't know. Even a thing of marble. We'd like a follow. We've got follow-up questions. Yeah, what was that made out of?

062. We've got follow-up questions. Yeah, follow-up. 062, come back to us. I dropped my auntie's china when I was a little girl. Very expensive. She found out and said, oh, it's okay, darling, but mum knew deep down I was in trouble.

And apparently that worth of that china has been deducted from what I will inherit. Good. So it should be. You broke it. It's gone. I dropped my colleague's mug that his daughter made for him.

It was one of those drawn it and set in the oven. So to him it was priceless and I dropped it and I broke it. We all know that was probably hideous looking though. Oh, it would have looked like absolute crap.

Yeah. And don't put them in the dishwasher because that just washes all of the paint off. This is a white mug. Daddy, daddy, I love you. Straight in the bin.

Father's Day. Name and age. Best daddy ever. Straight through the dishwasher. Gone. Where was I? A couple of weeks ago I announced that I was bringing my show, my comedy show, Ailments, to Wellington.

And it's two nights only because mum has got to come back to work. Mum has got to come back and look after these boys. Mumma does. Mumma does. Mumma does. So it was two nights only, 11th and 12th of August. Well, you crazy people, and I blame the listeners, you've sold it out. So we've added another show. She's popular.

She's popular. She's popular. This is why I want to talk to this break. Not to remind the public to buy tickets, but to remind you two. Just that you're better than us? Not better, not better. Not better, just... Just immensely popular.

Right, okay, right. And highly of value. Right, okay. But we have added an extra show. Oh, that's fantastic. Because, you know, I'd love to do more shows, but I've got to cram them in. So I'm doing a show on Saturday at 8 o'clock.

That's done. That's sold out. What are the dates for this again, though? 11th and 12th of August. So that's only like three weeks away. In Wellington at Te Awaha Theatre on Dixon Street. Now I'm adding a 6 o'clock show. So I'm doing two shows in one night.

Two shows in one night. That show still has tickets available. I wanted to come down and party, but flights are like a million dollars. Dude. Why are flights so expensive at the moment around the country? It cost me over $600 to get down there. There and back? Yeah.

To Wellington and back? Yeah. Leaving on a Friday? Friday. Coming back on a... I was like, leaving on a jet plane. Don't know when I'll be back again. Leaving on a Friday, back on a Sunday. Now, I know those dates are popular.

Those days are popular. But the days surrounding it weren't. And then, I'll do back again. Leaving on a Friday, back on a Sunday. Now, I know those dates are popular. Those days are popular. But the days surrounding it weren't. And then, I'll do a soft launch. May I soft launch? Okay. Christchurch? I'm coming down. I'm bringing my show to Christchurch.

One night only. Because again, mum are going to come back to work. Buy my mask. That'll cost you $10,000 either. Dude, it costs me another $600. I have all my flights. But you're not announcing those dates yet. We can't buy tickets for it, but Christchurch,

a lot of people have been messaging every time I promo my show saying, hey, come to Christchurch. Well, Mama listened. Right. Mama listened. Mama, watch this space. I'll let you know when you can buy tickets. But I'm coming.

But anyway, buy tickets to the 6 o'clock show because I don't want to add an extra show and then no one comes. That's embarrassing. That's embarrassing to me. Oh, so that's why we're doing this break now. Talking about how much it costs to get down there. Sort of guilting people into buying. Yeah, like I've invested quite a lot to get down there

to bring you the show. Because if you don't receive it, Mama's going to be out of pocket. Yeah, okay, right. So please, Carla, Mama needs pocket. Okay, so now it's more like a kind of a, like a give a little. It's coming across like a give a, yeah, desperate, yeah now it's more like a kind of a... It's coming across a little bit desperate.

Yeah, desperate, yeah. Is this a pledge me? It's almost like you give a little, like... Yeah. Desperation's not sexy. No, no, they get something in return for it. They get an hour of laughs, of which you can both vouch. I'd almost tell them not to come.

No, don't do that. Don't go to Hayley's show. See if she cares. I do care, though. I care so much. No, no, no, we're trying to be sexy and different. I know you do. I care so much. Everybody does. No, I care so much. We're trying to be sexy and different. I know you do. Everybody does. No, I care so much.

But you've got to try to pretend like you don't. Come or don't come. I don't give a crap. It's better. Now people will come. You stupid bees. No, no, no. Don't get aggressive. You're supposed to be sexy and indifferent. Do what you want. I don't care.

Come or don't come. I'm wearing a lacy bra. I'm panicking.acy bra I don't know I'm panicking I don't know Now it feels like a trap Well you said it's sexy Sexy indifference Indifference is a sexy part of that

Go or don't go Go or don't go I'll be hot and horny anyway I don't know I don't know what's happening No no no It's not that kind of show It's not that kind of show

Sorry It's not It's not There's no polls There's no polls. There's no nothing like that. Yeah. Yeah. You guys just do what you want.

Countdown. The supermarket. Place. Yep. That's what it was. Countdown was food town. Yes. That's what it was.

And there was also Woolworths. So there was. Back in the day. Woolworths. Food town and countdown all at once. Yes. That's what it was. And there was also Woolworths. So there was. Back in the day. Woolworths, Food Town and Countdown all at once, maybe? Yeah, there was Food Town. Food Town. Oh, my God. Food Town was blue.

Yes. A blue supermarket. Was Food Town the singing animals? No, that was Big Fresh. Big Fresh. Yeah, that was animatronics. Animatronics. Yeah.

So, I mean, if we go into some history. This is real supermarket history. Free Bun. Big Fresh Yeah that was Animatronics Animatronics Yeah So Oh man if we go Into some This is real Supermarket history Free bun Yeah some of them Had a free bun

Free bun at Big Fresh They used to give you A free bun Yeah And then you'd Go up and you'd Put on your little Kid face to the

Person at the Deli counter And be like I'd really love A swice of wham Wanchin My bun's a little bit warm. And I think they felt really sorry for you.

So they gave you a little bit of luncheon. And then they went out of business because they cared too much. Yeah. So it was announced yesterday they will be changing their name to Woolworths. Which is what a lot of them were when they then changed to Countdown. And owned by progressives. That also have stakes in Woolworths in Australia. Because the Woolworths logo and the Countdown logo are the same.

You look at the Countdown logo and it's like a green pumpkin or an apple or something. But it's a W. It's the Australian company that owns all the Countdowns. That's a W. You've been blind to it this entire time. You fools. But this whole bunch of countdowns just did the upgrade to modernise from the old countdown aesthetic to the new one.

They're only in like the last five years. It was a waste of money, wasn't it? So now they're going to be changing to Woolworths. Now I believe they can keep the logo, but they need to change the lettering. And it's the same colour. Woolworths is green as well, so it won't require an entire paint. What about the bags?

What about the reusable bags? $1 million. Why don't they just make like... $150 million. Broccoli cheaper and keep it the name. It's just an idea. I don't know what the deal... Is it so they can bring in the Woolworths products?

You can already get a bit of Woolworths stuff. You kind of see it. Yeah, you do. The branding. So I guess it's a lot of their products will just, yeah, come in from Aussie. I don't know. Yeah, right. That's a lot of money.

They're changing their name. Make mints cheaper and just keep the name. Yeah. Another idea there, just a free one. God, you're just giving them away. I know. Hold on to some of them. I know.

You don't want to totally Empty your tank And give it away Yeah Interesting Woolworths It's so Australian Woolies

That's what you call it Woolies Go to Woolies Just gonna go to Woolies But that's a nickname But Countdown doesn't have a nickname Can we go to Coles County

Yeah Coles That's another Aussie one Yeah it's another Aussie one Yeah Or Aldi. And apparently they're going to change their... One card?

Their one card's going to be something else. Points carryover? Yeah. There better be a points carryover. Can you imagine the uproar if there's not a points carryover? Can I still get knives? No, that's New World. New World did knives.

But Countdown did plates. Didn't they do plates or jammy? No, they do like dirt things. No, that's New World. Plants. That's New World. New World does nice. But Countdown did plates. Didn't they do plates or jammy? No, they do like dirt things. No, that's New World. Plants. That's New World. New World does little gardens. Countdown did the farm.

I was Countdown the red one with the MW on it. Because I seem to have got them mixed up. You've got a big, you've got a big. This is why they need to change it to just Woolies. Yeah, yeah. This is why they need to rebrand to Woolies. But yeah, that's an expensive rebrand. Yeah, so I mean if they.

It all depends, everything. I always think about like rebranding a company. then like you're literally everything yeah it's got to change anything that's got their name on it email addresses yeah that's easier god forbid i have to change my email what trolleys trolleys the trolleys no you don't change the whole trolley just change the sticker in behind who's got the trolleys with the name on the trolleys what do you mean is that the warehouse they've got the red trolleys with warehouse in the behind. Who's got the trolleys with the name on the trolleys? What do you mean the name on the trolleys? Is that the warehouse? They've got the red trolleys with warehouse in the trolley.

No, that's warehouse. Is that warehouse? I think they just changed the sticker on the handle. On the handle. Do you know what I'd do if I was counting? I'd go down and steal all their trolleys

and I'd just put the countdown thing in the handle and be like, what? Prove it. And what? Prove it. Well, we've got a different wheel system.

No, we've got the wheel system too. They've got VIN numbers. They've got VIN, do they? Do they? Flats, we've got a different wheel system. No, we've got the wheel system too. They've got VIN numbers. They've got VIN today. Do they? Wait, I'd scratch off the VIN. I'd scratch off the VIN. I'd be like, now what? It's not a real supermarket war.

None of this like supermarket war. Yeah, right. Your buddies. Don't lie to me. Proper war. Steal their trolleys. Steal their baskets. Because their baskets are New World of Red.

I'd scratch off New World and I'd spray paint them green God you're a bastard Yeah Like in Grand Theft Auto when you're in trouble with the police and you're driving away in the video game

and you park it in the garage and you just change the colour of your car You paint it blue That's what I'd do with the baskets and I'd be like prove it

now what You'd be the worst supermarket owner operator ever I'd be running cheap mints Would you? Well look at all the money

I'm saving I'm just stealing everything from everybody else. Well, maybe I'd come to your supermarket if you've got cheap mints. How cheap are we talking? 400 grams. What are we talking? I don't sell it in 400 grams.

I only sell it in 200. I only need 400. I'm a family of two. Well, you take it home and break it up and freeze it. I don't want to do that. I'm a family of two. This is how I keep prices down. You do 1kg mints.

No, I do 2kgs mints. Oh, get a grip. No, no, this works force. Oh, get a grip. This works for you. This works. Shut up and listen. I'm the supermarket here. You wanted how much mince? A kg. Easy. Cut it in half. Freeze half. You wanted 400? 2kg divided by 5 is 400. Now you've got 5 meals out of it.

I've got to self-divide. I'm not paying. That's why it's cheaper because I've got to do the work. Yeah, but you're saving so much money. No. I don't like it. I want 400. Collect the work. Yeah, but you're saving so much money. No. I don't like it. I won't have it. Collect 100 stamps and I'll give you a little digital scale. 100 stamps.

I'll give you a digital scale so you can cut up your mints. New World does collect 40 stamps. Oh, well, this is a new world. You're in my world now. Next on New World. Play. ZM's Fletchvorn and Hayley. Speaking of us, us pals, us chums here on ZM's Fletchvorn and Hayley Speaking of us Us pals

Us chums here on ZM I'm going to propose some research That has been done at looking at Friendships in the workplace What kind of friendships are helpful What kind of friendships are not Making friendships at the workplace is inevitable You know especially if you work at a big workplace

You're going to find your people It makes the day go faster Think about how much time you spend at work Making friendships at the workplace is inevitable. You know, especially if you work in a big workplace, you're going to find your people. It makes the day go faster. Think about how much time you spend at work. If you're nine to five, you're just going to be working with these people all the time. You probably see them more than your partner. Yeah, hell yeah.

Well, they've put it into four categories of workplace friendships. There's your workplace best friend, very close friendship with a colleague that is characterised by personal disclosure. Tell each other everything. Oh, secrets. Hold each other in high regard. Exercise trust and honesty. Then there's your workplace close friendly,

is what they call them. Close relationships but not quite at the level of the best friend. Is that where you don't invite them to things outside of work? No, no, no. Sounds like you're inviting them. Sounds like you're inviting them. Yeah, you're inviting them. Maybe in this relationship, you could remain friends if one of you left the workplace.

That's how you kind of define it as a friendship. Then you've got your workplace friendly. This relationship has some of the same qualities as the workplace close friendly, but less likely to persist beyond work. So we have a great day together, but when I go home, you're not coming. Okay. You know, we're not hanging out.

We're not doing after work drinks. And then there's the co-worker acquaintance, which is just someone you'd see frequently at work. Maybe you'd interact with them. Hey, how are you? Yeah. Which is us, isn't it? You say, g'day, mate.

So you're putting us in four, are we? G'day, mate. I'm putting you in group four. You've almost forgotten their name, but you certainly don't know their surname. Hayley. Yes. Florence Paralysis.

I'm changing my name. Florence Paralysis. Right. Pleased to meet you. So science has looked into the benefits of these, and you can imagine what they are, right? Yeah. Like productivity goes up, surprisingly,

even though you want to chit-chat and hang out with your mate all day. Yeah. Yeah. Happy. Yeah, happy. You're happier in your workplace. You're happier in your work. Your day goes faster, blah, blah, blah. Well, you're going to be happier in life too if your work's more.

Yeah, yeah. But this research says that having the kind of friendships that are like in the top two, which is your workplace bestie and your close friends that you hang out with all the time after work can not be good because relationships are so complex

and like hard to, especially the deeper they get, the more complex they get, the more things you've got sort of tethered to it, the higher the stakes are. And when that starts infiltrating the workplace, it's niche geek. So they say you've got to keep your friendships, your workplace friendships sort of at arm's length. Well, should we cancel drinks this weekend then?

I'm already not coming. We knew you weren't coming. You were exercising a bit of arm's length of late. But you did turn up and throw my bikini at me and said you left this at mine. And everyone was like, that's too intimate. Yeah. Was this when I was away?

I wasn't invited to the spa party. No, it was literally like the last day of work. Oh, yeah. Before we went on our break. Yeah. Was this when I was away? I wasn't invited to the spa party. No, it was literally the last day of work. Oh, yeah. Before we went on our break. Yeah, okay. And we weren't invited. We invited ourselves. No one was invited.

Wait, you just turned up to use the spa? No one would like to make it clear that no one was invited. Right, okay. No, we met up to have our drink, and then we ended up going home at 4 a.m. Wow. Good times. Somehow I wasn't wearing a bikini at the end of it.

Now, what level is that on the chart of workplace? Yeah, that's a 1.1. That's a 1.1, right, okay. Yeah, but maybe if you notice in the coming weeks after this voice break, we seem more distant. We're drifting apart. We're drifting apart.

We're exercising some arm distance. But please don't cancel drinks on Saturday. It's healthy to practice this sort of distance. You love this idea because you love to be socially isolated. Yeah, but number one, the workplace best friend, you tell each other everything. Personal disclosure. We're going to stop.

We're going to tell you guys some things. No, we're going to stop. No. What do you mean? I feel we're only getting the tip of the iceberg. And you're about to sink the Titanic. You're about to really test Captain Smith's navigational abilities You have a dark underbelly

and in 90 or in 100 and something years a submarine's going to implode looking for what you're up to Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley Fact of the day day day, day, day, day, day. Why you went up at the end? Why not?

Try something different, you know? You only live once. I guess so. Today's fact of the day. If you're a regular listener to the show, you'll know I love an origin of like a word fact. Fact of the day. Are you not using my fact of the day?

No. So rude. Your fact of the day rolls. Thank you. And stay tuned because I feel he will return to it at some point. I might do it tomorrow. Will you promise? I promise. It's real good.

Thank you. Is this word the origin? It literally takes a job off my plate later in the day. I'm happy to do yours tomorrow. Thank you. Is your word origin story from the Latinos? Not the Latinos. Well, I will just say tomorrow,

stay tuned for a fact about a dolphin and a man's really long arm. No, you don't know how to tease fact of the day. You should just say tomorrow for a fact about the world's tallest man and a dolphin. Yes, that's really good. Subtle changes he made there, but it has made all the difference. Yeah. It has made all the difference. Has it?

Yeah. Okay. Because people don't know what the hell the connection is. Yes. But you said long arms, and I think they gave away too much. Anyway, today's origin is the origin of the term silhouette. Oh, okay. Silhouette.

Silhouette. Silhouette. Silhouette. Silhouette. Silhouette. Shadow. I would have thought it's French. French, correct.

Where E-T-T-E gives it away. Yes. But what do you think of the origins of silhouette? Is it French for outline? I see a little bit of a man. Is it French for outline? I see a little silhouetto of a man. For? Is it? Shallow.

Silhouetto. The shadow. Is it French for shadow? No, it's not French for shadow. Silhouette. Sil. Window sill. Silly billies.

You'll never get it. Okay. I just was teasing you. Okay. See, and people are playing at home as well. Bit of a jeopardy situation. Yeah. They want to be involved.

I mean, do I have to give a Broadcasting 101 lesson here? I am nailing this. You really are. Silhouette is a French surname. And we named Silhouette after a very frugal regime controller general of finances

under Louis XV. Good Lord. So he was what, like Jerry Silhouette? Etienne de Silhouette lived from 1759. Oh no, that was when he was

1709 to 1767. He died at 57. Yikes. That didn't live long back then. That's a long time for back then. Back then it's not too bad.

It is. So he was known as being extremely frugal. A tight ass. A tight ass. Big tight ass. He had to get the budget in control because King Louis XV just loved spending. So he's like, well, I'm sorry everybody paying tax, but you're going to miss out because the king likes lavish things

and he's the king and you're not. Yeah. You plebs. Yeah. So I'm tightening the belt. So he tightened the belt a lot. But he also very much liked the art form that was doing the rounds at the time where someone would shine a light, someone would stand side on,

very still, and somebody else would draw around their outline. Oh, yeah. And then it would be on black paper and they'd cut around it and you'd hang it in your home and it was a very cheap way of getting a portrait. Yeah, as opposed to, yeah, yeah. Because the rich people would get oil paintings and they were very detailed. Yeah, right. to, yeah, yeah. Because the rich people would get oil paintings and they were very detailed.

Yeah, right. They'd have to go for multiple sittings and they'd be painted in these beautiful Yeah, settings. settings and situations. But this was the cheap way of doing it. And to silhouette the situation became known as doing something on the cheap.

Oh, right. And that became synonymous with the outline, the shadow outline. Yes, right. And then so the shadow became the outline, the shadow outline. Yes, right. And then so the shadow became the silhouette. It became the silhouette because it was cheap or austere. The way of getting a picture of grandma. Yes.

You wouldn't get a painting, you'd get the silhouette. And then it could be anyone's grandma. It's a silhouette, isn't it? I think when you see the silhouette of someone that you know, you'd know it was their silhouette. Well, do you know in Wellington, down by the art hotel, by the QT there, there's those silhouettes of, there's a big art piece that's done out of iron,

and there's two silhouettes. One's like the cutout and one's the insert. Those are my friend's kits. And, like, when you look at it, I can recognise it. I know the one. I tried to squeeze through it. They're big iron things. Oh, did you?

Yeah, that's my friend's daughter, Huia. And when you look at it, you're like, oh yeah, I can see just the subtle things. It was a very cheap way of getting art in your house that you would be able to identify who it was without paying for an expensive oil painting by a well-to-do artist. Now, with silhouette being a surname, is that rounding out my new name? Florence Paralysis Silhouette. She's done it. Very French.

It's a beautiful name. Beautiful name. Florence Silhouette is lovely, and Chuck Paralysis isn't as a middle name. It's surprising. It catches you off guard. She's named after her auntie Paralysis. Of which Paralysis is named after her. People will see it and be like, do you mean Phyllis? No, no, no, Paralysis. Of which Paralysis is named after her.

People will see it and be like, do you mean Phyllis? And she'll be like, no, no, no. Paralysis. She was the first woman to ever lose the use of her limbs. Yeah. Yeah. So they named it after her. Florence Paralysis silhouette.

Yeah. Beautiful name. Absolutely beautiful name. Yep. So today's fact, oh, by the way, thanks to Chris for this fact. Thank you, Chris. I will credit you if you send a fact. And although tomorrow, I don't know if you'll be wanting to credit it with that.

You're slightly wrong. That's a good fact. He just, Chris. I will credit you if you send a fact, and although tomorrow, I don't know if you'll be wanting to credit it with that. You're slightly wrong. It's a good fact. He just did a bad tease. Tomorrow, make sure you're listening, because the world's tallest arms man... He's done it again. Oh, okay. And there's a dolphin. He's done it again. So today's fact of the day, thanks to Chris, is

that the term silhouette was actually a very cheap Frenchman's surname. Fact of the day, day, day, day, day. Last night, I slipped into bed. Yeah. Fire was a-blazing. Yeah.

It was a cold night. Slipped into bed, and I slipped on my little bonnet. Now, I have spoken of this before. Is this your bonnet, or is this Florence Paralysis Silhouette's bonnet? We are the same. You are one and the same. We are merging. She will inherit Hayley's bonnet.

Yeah. This is like a silk bonnet to stop your hair. This is the dumbest thing we've heard. Oh my God. Honestly, Aaron finds it so funny. We had friends stay one night and I like came out in the hallway and he just burst into laughter. It was like, what the fuck is that?

I was like, it's my bonnet. Anyway, so it's this little silk cap that protects my blonde hair from rubbing against my pillow and pulling my hair out. Is that a thing? Yeah, because lots of people get silk pillowcases, but they're ugly. Yeah, they are. And I'm all about the aesthetic. So I put the silk upon the head. Do you remember when people were doing satin?

Do you remember when people were doing satin sheets? Do I what, dude? Do I have a set? Scratchy heels, eh? Yeah, and a dryer or a hangnail gets caught on it and you're like So I slipped on my bonnet and I slipped into bed and I was watching Love Island, which, by the way,

great season. Yeah, you're absolutely hooked. I was like, fine, guys, I'll watch it just so someone's watching it. So good. Yeah. Cannot put it down.

And then I found a little, like, something on my forehead. Just a little... Oh, your bonnet was tickling you. You know, like a wisp or something. Yeah. I was like, my bonnet's out of place or I thought maybe the tag on my bonnet Just a little. Oh, your bonnet was tickling you. You know, like a wisp or something. Yeah. I was like, my bonnet's out of place. Or I thought maybe the tag on my bonnet had swiveled around.

I think the nation needs a photo of you and your bonnet. I'm sure. I'm sure we shared a photo of me and the bonnet. I'll find you a bonnet photo. Thank you. FVH socials. Yeah. And I sort of, I whisper, I touched it.

Like, what is that? Yeah. And then it was like something kind of like, it felt hard. And I was like, I whisper, I touched it, like, what is that? Yeah. And then it was like something kind of like, it felt hard. And I was like, oh, God. And then it's like, you know, your brain goes. This is in the bonnet or on the exterior of the bonnet? On the bonnet, but sort of towards the forehead. Hard, but how small?

How big? Well, it just felt like a hard, it was just flicking. It sounds like a Cocoa Pop. No, no, no, much bigger than a Cocoa Pop. Was it a hard lesion? A hard growth? No, it, much bigger than a cockroach pop. A hard growth. No, it was the fattest cockroach.

Wait, on your forey? On my forey. On your forey? Yeah, so like I literally was brushing it like this and then you know that moment where you're like, that's not right. It's supposed to be silk, not crunch. And so I went like, flip and like got out of the bed and then I said, and then I saw it go boof on our white sheets.

And then it jumped onto Aaron's sleeve. And we're in the dark. And I was like, get up, get up, Aaron. And he was like, what, what, what, what? Because he had his headphones on. We're watching separately. He's not invested in Love Island like I am. What's he invested in?

What's he watching? He's watching Avatar on his bloody iPad. Now that feels wrong. Avatar, way of the quarter. Yeah. Okay. Anyway, he's watching Avatar. And then I'm just pulling him up

saying get off and then the bug falls from his shoulder and goes behind the bed. Ugh, yuck. And we're like crammed into this corner at the moment because we're sleeping in the lounge and I was like, oh my god. Burn the house down. Yeah, and Aaron was just like, and I was like, oh I hate having creepy crawlies on me.

And then he just was like, oh whatever. And he's like, lay back down. And he was like, well I can't get it. It's all like, just gonna jam and run away. So he just was like oh whatever and he's like lay back down and he was like well I can't get it it's all like just gonna jam and run away so then I was like I'll get the bug spray and I'll at least spray back there

and when I came back they weren't killer cockroaches the bastard had gone right round the back and come back on the bed in my empty spot where I was so I just got a tissue

is Erin having an affair with a cockroach it sounds like she was making herself at home like you'd lift the room and she's like... Coming through on my bonnet. Yeah. And then anyway, I got a tissue and I picked her up

and I put her in the bin. So I just hate... Did you squish it? Well, when I... Because it was fat. The biggest one I've ever dealt with. But why did you put it in the bin? No, I did that.

You killed it before you put it in the fireplace. Yeah, I crushed it in the thing. The fireplace sounds like the place to make sure it never comes back. No, but then imagine you chuck it in the fireplace and then it's up against the glass door of the fireplace. Let me out of here. Let me back on that bonnet, babe. I can survive a nuclear war.

Let me out. And all night it's just banging on the... Let me out. I don't think even just banging on the... Let me out. I don't think even I could burn a cockroach. I'd rather crush it. That's awful. Anyway. What did it have a head?

Yeah, it was massive fat huge antlers. Wait, but did it have its head because there's the ones with the head? Was it one of those Southeast Asian ones where they're like the size of like a football? No, it was like that big though. What, like two inches? Yeah, like at least two inches. That might have been your American cockroach. Yeah, right. It was disgusting. big though What like two inches Yeah like at least two inches That might have been Your American cockroach

Yeah right It was disgusting Yeah That's disgusting Anyway I know I'm not alone in this When did you have A creepy crawly on you

When did you just like Feel Like we all know That feeling when you're like What's that What's that Yeah and then you're like That shouldn't be on me

And then it moves And you're like I'm not scared of bugs. Like if someone's like, here's a cockroach, hold it. I'll be like, okay. But it's when it's unexpectedly very close to you that you're unpredictable. Oh, you know the worst, wetters. No, I love wetters.

They're incredible. They're a phenomenal creature. They can bite you. But when they just appear on you, like if you're moving firewood and one's just on you and you're like, get it off. But if someone was like, hold this wetter, I reckon I could hold my hand out and have one crawl up. Yeah, same. Because they're incredible. But it's like that feeling, I remember having a stick insect

on me and you're like, and then it goes like crack and you're like, it's a bug. It's a bug. See, rats or mice would be the worst. Yeah. If one of those would just appear in your bed, no thank you. Yeah, I'll take my... When did something like crawl over you unexpectedly, and then

you saw it, and then you had to react to it? Play ZM's Fletch Vodden Ailey. Play ZM. Cockroach ran over my head last night in bed. Didn't appreciate it. I want to know when you've had a creepy crawly on you. Yuck. And Kate, I'm assuming this is probably why I don't

want to ever live in Australia because that place is full of creepy crawlies. Yuck, yeah. It's feral. It's feral. That's a good word for it. So where did this happen? You were in Perth. Where did this happen, Kate? Yep. I was living on the third floor apartment and having

a shower and thought the flannel had fallen on my back and went to flick it off and it was a Huntsman spider. Get out! Oh, good day, Big E. Wow. I've got no idea. You don't know where the biggest spiders ever are. What did you do?

Did you just freak out? I freaked out. I jumped out the window, start naked, locked down the apartment, had to run down to the clothesline, grab somebody else's towel, wrapped it around myself and had to wait upstairs for my partner to come back and let me in. I mean, they're completely harmless,

aren't they, Huntsman? Are they? Are they the ones that aren't harmless? Yeah, they are, but they're... Yeah, they just look scary. They're huge and disgusting. And I don't care if they're harmless or they're going to murder me. I don't want them on my back. On the back is the worst.

You can't reach it. Thanks, Hugo. So many texts, so many messages. We'll get to more of those next. Do I regret this, asking when you had a creepy crawly on you? I am, because it's making my spine tingle. Cockroach ran over my head last night. Peyton, what did you...

You had an encounter with a creepy crawly? Oh, yes, last night. Also, long what did you, you had an encounter with a creepy crawly? Oh, yes, last night. Also, long time listener, Susan Caller. Yes! Isabel, Isabel! Yes, welcome to the show, Peyton, welcome. So, was this last night? This happened?

It literally happened last night as well. Okay. Oh, mate, what was it? Something in the air. Oh, it must have been. My partner went to the toilet and I literally heard this scream and I was like, what was something in the air? Oh, it must have been. My partner went to the toilet, and I literally heard this scream, and I was like, what is wrong? I go running to him, and he's got this massive white tail.

Like, the body was the size of a $2 coin, like, crawling up his leg. It was... She said it's a big white tail because white tails don't get really massive. They're not a really massive spider. It was massive. And why didn't he, like, bat it off? I think it just gave him massive fright. Oh, my God.

And he just left it crawling on him. I had to come and save the day. Oh, my God. He couldn't even touch it. What a hero. He didn't want anything to do with it. Wow. And it didn't bite him because you can get a, like,

really nasty little pussy thing. They're not good, eh? No. Oh, man, yuck. Peyton, thank you. Let's go to Steph. Steph, when did you have a creepy crawly on you? Hey, I was driving my car at 75 Ks down a rural road with my two-year-old.

Steph, can I just ask, were you in a 50 zone or a 100 zone? A 100 zone. Some rural roads are 80. It's very sensible. Oh, are they? Okay. Okay, sorry, Steph, carry on. That's all right.

It was around a windy bit, to be fair. I had my two-year-old in the back, strapped into his car seat, luckily, and a really large cockroach crawled across my hand on the steering wheel. I'm good. I don't want that. These are the kind of things that cause major accidents. It can kill people. Yeah.

Yeah, right. They freak out. That's what happened to me. I didn't die, obviously, but I sort of stared at it and I thought, oh, my God, what am I going to do? And so I took one hand off the steering wheel and as I was concentrating on trying to flick it off me,

I ended up going down a seven metre bank. Oh my God, Steph! And riding my car off. Your kid was alright. Your kid was alright. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We were both fine. Oh my God, you're so lucky!

That is crazy. I'm terrified of cockroaches, so it was huge. What's it like driving off a seven-metre bank? Because sometimes I'm driving and I'm like, would I survive this? And everybody just went, wee, into the water. Yeah, right. There was a lot of swearing, to be fair. That's all I remember.

Did the cockroach survive? I have no idea. As soon as I stopped the car, I just kind of, we were right way up, which was lucky, jumped out of the car and checked my little boy who was fine. And then set the car on fire to kill the cockroach and move along. Caller of the week. Caller of the week. I'm saying it.

Caller of the week. Caller of the week. It's only Wednesday, but caller of the week Caller of the week I'm saying it Caller of the week We're midway It's only Wednesday But caller of the week Steph Thanks to our friends At McCafe A $50 McCafe voucher For you

Congratulations Amazing Thank you for that A couple of Text messages To finish Got food poisoning In Araratonga

Was bedridden Any movement Had to be going Had a massive crab Climb over my legs under the sheets. I shit myself quite literally because you'll remember I had food poisoning. In a bed.

I've heard about this in the islands. What? If you sleep in the fales and stuff on the beach, you'll often wake up with a crab. I'm good. No, thank you. Because they come out and then they need a shade and they'll often just end up in beds and stuff. I'll soft shell crab that crab.

It's a no from me. Yeah, I'll boil him and I will suck out his meat and then he'll regret it. Yeah. Oh, another podcast in the bag. The plastic bag. Are they back? No, no, still banned. Okay.

They never left. That's where you come in with the line, boy. Boy, man, if you enjoyed that. Okay. Oh, and if you enjoyed it, give us a rating and a review and be sure to tell all of your friends. God, I need some sleep. Yeah.

ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley.