ZM's Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley - Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley's Big Pod - 1st August 2024

Episode Date: July 31, 2024

Top 6: Science & Sarcasm  Hayley locked out!  Why are you Grumpy at the moment?  The Montoya's!  What's Ya Jobby??  Before they were my partner, they were my....  Fact of the Day Day Day Day Daaaaay!See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

The ZM Podcast Network. The Flach, Fawn and Hayley Big Pod. Great things are brewing at McCafe. The perfect start to every day. Good morning, welcome to the show. Flach, Fawn and Hayley, three minutes past six. What's up? Well, I've just looked at the per capita table,

which has been changed. We were silver, didn't we? We got silver as well. Yes, we've got two medals now. Seventh, we're seventh per capita. Do you know who's beating us? Fiji. Oh, yeah, they little.

Because they have one medal, but they've only got 896,000. What's Fiji's medal? Do they win the men's sevenths? No, did they come second or third? Fiji medal, telly. I think they were in the final and France beat them. Oh, right, okay. So we got a silver in the triathlon, eh?

Yeah, just overnight we have. Hayden Wiles. Well done, Hayden. Kosovo second after Fiji. They've got two medals. Australia is beating us per capita. Yeah, because they won a ton. 13 medals.

They always kill it in the swimming. They shouldn't be on this list. Because they swim from sharks. They've got like 20, nearly 26 million people. Get off this list. It's for small countries. Yeah, exactly. Moldova, Croatia, Slovenia, and then New Zealand.

You know who I blame? Who? Immigrants. Okay. If they had not come from New Zealand, our population number wouldn't have gone up. Everybody else is barring off for better opportunities overseas. This could have been the perfect opportunity for us

to shrink our population. You should be calling Newstalk ZB. Shrink our population. This is a dangerous way to shrink our population. I think you should be calling Newstalk ZB. Shrink our population. This is a dangerous way to start the show. I think you need to head upstairs. Look, you know that's sarcastic because no one loves immigrants like me. Very true. That sounded a bit much.

No one loves immigrants like me. Nope. Not quite there either. I'm a big fan of immigration. Vaughton loves a melting pot. He does. Vaughton Smith loves a melting pot. I think this whole show loves a melting pot. Yeah. We love a melting pot. He does. Vaughan Smith loves a melting pot. I think this whole show loves a melting pot.

Yeah. We love a melting pot. Let's talk about the Spanish rugby team. Far out. I want to get into that melting pot. Where do we see the Spanish rugby team? Hayley hit a rich vein of content on Instagram Reels this morning. There was a member of the Spanish, it was like the green room,

green room? Not a comedy club. Changing room of the Spanish rugby team. And one of them was doing the like flamenco, you know. Oh. Daddy be clapping. Daddy be clapping. Daddy.

Coming up on the show today, the top six. Yeah. Sad news. There's a lot of restructuring, a lot of downsizing. And, you know, everybody kind of knows someone that's going through a downsizing of their workplace. Well GNS They do earthquakes. They do earthquakes, volcanoes, landslides,

tsunamis. Operates the GeoNet website. Monitors hazards. Very essential service. A whole lot of people that work at GNS are apparently their jobs are on the block. God and then something's going to erupt and they're going go, why didn't we have any warning? And they'll be like, I don't know, we

fired everyone. Jesus, you should be in charge. I know I should be. I know. I should be in charge. I know. It's like we haven't solved the mystery of it yet. I don't reckon we get rid of those scientists. I've got the top six reasons. Science is overrated anyway. Okay, it's coming up in the top six. Also on the show today, the Montoyers

are in. Yes! show today, the Montoyers are in. Yes. Because today, the first episode of the new podcast comes out. The Montoyers. That's going to be a great chat chat. Yeah. Next on the show.

Oh, you went, no, please go. I was going to say, for those that don't know, Marcelo Montoya is a rugby league player, a warrior. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, I thought he was trying to seek a vengeance

for the death of his father. Yes. Nice reference. Thank you. He doesn't get it. That's all seek a vengeance for the death of his father. Yes. Nice reference. Fletch doesn't get it. That's all right. Just let it wash over his head. Let it wash over his head. And maybe the first Fijian Chilean we've had on the show.

God, we love a melting pot on the show. God, we love a melting pot. We love a melting pot. We'll take it all. Except any more white. We don't need any more white. We've got enough of that. Next on the show.

If you're a woman and you are not regularly having some hanky-panky, I have terrible news for you. Guys, this one's just for the ladies. So feel free to sit back and put up your feet because apparently this study, a lot of information here. 15,000 people were surveyed as part of a national health survey. And as part of it-

Is this in New Zealand or overseas? It's in the Ouse. In the Ouse, okay. In the Ouse, United States of America. And as part of it, they delved into some questions about their sex life. Okay. And the results are harrowing news if you are a woman, not a man. The results did not reflect this for the gentleman.

Okay. If you are not having sex often enough, you will die. Now, I've summarised that. I haven't used the scientific wording and findings exactly, but if you are not getting down to Funky Town often enough, you're going to die. But what about these old birds that live to 110? They're getting it.

They must be getting it. They're not. They are getting it from somewhere, my friend. So... Are you just by yourself count in this study? Because whenever they're talking about men and they're like, the old prostate's a ticking time bomb and located inside the anus of all of us yeah which is a horrifying and terrifying thought is that you've you've you've got to be you know for some yeah expelling you're gonna work it multiple you know right it works out to just adjust under once a day really okay once a day isn't it 27 times a month

or something so like you know great stuff take a sunday yeah it's. Once a day? Isn't it 27 times a month or something? So like, you know. Great stuff. Take a Sunday. Yeah. It's the Lord's Day. It's only right. You shouldn't be playing with yourself on a Sunday. I certainly don't on a Sunday.

I would never. I would never. Even if I really want to. Well, actually, my Sabbath is Saturday. Oh, I roll a little bit. My Sabbath bounces around depending on where I'm at. Right. Okay.

So they split the group. But part of the questioning was like how often you're having sex. And I think we talked about this not so long ago. The average amount was 54 times a year. Okay. So then they broke it down into two groups. Those that were having sex at least once a week and those that were having sex less than that around about once a month.

And with all the information they collected, they found that the women that were having sex less have such a higher mortality rate, as in they're dying. So that might not mean that's a direct correlation. But enough of it kind of pointed to going like, you're not dying from, the cause of death is not, didn't shag enough,

but due to like everything that sex brings you, cardiovascular health, blood flow, good for your heart rate. Even if it lasted 30 seconds. That absolute moment of mental clarity right at the end. Where you can almost, you know, see time. See time and God. Yeah. God.

I can smell God. Yeah. So that's what they think it all comes down to is because you're having less of the positive benefits other than just, that's nice. Yep. From having sex. They were like, higher mortality rate. You got to get it.

Actually, interesting though that you asked if it would still be, because they've said sexual activity, which could be with yourself. Yeah. Okay. So you just got to get it. The men are told, oh, you've got to do it for the prostate, but women, do it or you'll die.

The stats are out. The stats back it out. 1.7 times more likely to have died from other causes. Wow. I know. So if you need an excuse to do it with yourself or with somebody today, there it is.

You could die. It's a matter of life or death. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley. The 2024 ancient Greek sporting and athletics competition. Well, overnight

Hayden Wild claimed the second medal for New Zealand a silver in the triathlon. Now, the triathlon was slippery. The slippery people were falling over. Swimming in the CN was a big worry. I'm just reading here, American triathlete Seth Ryder, to prepare for the increased exposure to a coli while swimming in the CN,

had stopped washing his hands after going to the bathroom. He said they looked into it and it's basically like a slow exposure to grubby stuff. And you might be thinking... Would your body react so soon like in the space of a race to the water? I don't know.

Probably not. Probably afterwards. Yeah, probably. I mean, you'd probably shit yourself for the next three days now. Unless you choked on an actual poo. That would be something that could happen. Anyway, you might be thinking, with that

approach, how did Seth Ryder go? 29th. Okay. 29th. But it's his first. He's 27. It's his first Olympics. He was leading for some time. Okay. But then, yeah, 29th. Our boy Hayden Wilde coming second. Just passed

by the British triathlete right towards the end and then sits down and he's like, puts his arm around him. Well, because they're mates, aren't they? So it was quite a touching moment. But yeah, heartbreak for him, missing out just, what was it, seven seconds or something? Yeah, tiny amount. Tiny amount. Yeah. No, no, it wasn't even that. They crossed it at the same time. was it seven seconds or something yeah tiny amount tiny amount yeah no no

it wasn't even that they crossed that at the same time one minute one hour 43.33 so 33 seconds yeah

and then yeah five seconds later Hayden Wilde oh man there's also so I've been following so much social media from all the athletes

I love it it's so fascinating. That's what I was thinking would be a good silly little poll. How are people watching the Olympics this time around? Because I feel so much of it is just social media highlights. Yeah. Yeah, and then you get a little clip, and then if you want to see the full thing,

you go to like YouTube to try to watch it or something. Yeah, try to find the longer one. Yeah. So I've been watching all the like behind the scenes and the village stuff. Because if you think about it, because the Olympics are so seldom, every four years, we've only had this huge social media presence

from the Olympians in the last one or two Olympics. And now I'm like, I love it. But I love seeing what they're eating in the Olympic village. Because Simone Biles made a comment at a press conference that the food was thumbs down, bad. Really? She was like, everyone thinks we're eating this like French pastries and whatnot and it's bad food. And then

one of her teammates was like, oh yeah, it's awful. But you would think that the food would have to be like really fresh and healthy and... Well, but then you look at some other people and it's like, they've got a mixture, like they've got like an Asian section and you can get like rice and eggs and stir fries. And then you can go to this section and you get a curry.

I always love when I go to a hotel buffet and there's like Asian food that you would normally have for dinner. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh my God, should I have these egg fried noodles for breakfast? I mean, I guess I am on holiday, right? So some people were just saying like it's carb heavy, like, yeah, it's like mixed reviews. And then apparently someone has been now hand delivering hot, warm croissants to Simone Biles

after she made this comment that she was like, the French food's here. That's the way to get the croissants. Yeah. She'd have to be really careful with what she ate. You would imagine the dietary requirements for the world's best athletes. Yeah, I think so. I think as well.

Like how so many of these athletes would have to eat particular diets. Yeah. And it's not like cutting skinny diets. We're talking like energy-based, sustainable, depending on your sport. If you're an elite, you wouldn't want to have too many onions. Do you know what I mean? You're bloating them. Nutri-grain, though.

It's Iron Man food. The other thing everybody's talking about is the Clark Kent of the Pommel Horse, is what he's been calling. Oh, yeah. Steven Nedorizik. Perfect pronunciation. This little nerdy guy that came alive. When he's waiting, he's got glasses on,

and he's just sitting there in the chair, sleeping some of the time. And then he takes his glasses off and gets out their pommel horses, and everyone's just like, didn't expect it. No. Nails it. Nails it.

The pommel horse is what the hell. Yeah. It looks so hard. Core strength. A lot of core strength. And then just using your arms and swinging your, oh my God. I know. I mean, looking good in that outfit has got to be the biggest challenge of the day.

The US Olympics outfit is terrible. Oh no. Men's gymnastic outfits in general, you know, the little sockies, little booties. Yeah. And then they get up and they get on those rings and they hold themselves in the perfect like Jesus pose for, like, a minute and you're just like, don't know what's happening. How did you do that?

What are our next medal chances? Do we know? Well, what's happening today? Yeah, have a little look at what's happening today. And while you look that up, who was the athlete I sent a picture of this morning? Oh, yeah, he was a swimmer. Now, Thursday morning at nine, 18 minutes past nine,

the Double Scales Women's Finals will be held. That was the, is that Spores and Francis? Yeah, Lucy Spores and Brooke Francis. Yeah. And then Friday we've got some sailing, I believe. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. I've been doing a bit of sailing lately in the Pirate Games.

So I might actually watch the sailing. I've got a real appreciation for, you know, really catching a full... I can't wait until they include gaming at the Olympics and then the Olympic Village will have that section of food for the gamers. Yeah, yeah. Like a Red Bull station. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And they'll just be a different smell. Yeah, monster energy drink. The whole of Living Village is going to have a little bit of a different aroma to it. Yeah. Next on the show, the top six. The top six reasons science is overrated. As we stare down the barrel of redundancies at GNS. Yeah, the people that tell us about earthquakes and volcanoes.

Earthquakes, tsunamis and slips. You know, we don't need that information living in New Zealand. In New Zealand? Nah, man. Nah. Redundant. Nah. Play ZM's Fletch Vaughan and Hayley. Who?

Blah, blah, blah. Blah, blah, blah, blah. This is the Top Six. Hello there. One in five GNS staff could be laid off in the latest public service cut. Dear, oh dear. A government research department responsible for monitoring natural hazards has told staff that one in five of them could be laid off.

The restructure proposal has been put to them on Tuesday. 103 positions on the chopping block. But, you know, today's top six is top six reasons science is overrated anyway. Okay. Hashtagrated anyway. Okay. Hashtag sarcasm. Yeah. Oh, good to start with that. Hashtag sarcasm.

Number six on the list of the top six reasons. We have a lot of earthquakes. I just went to the GeoNet website. Constantly. We are earthquakes. Constantly. So many. Maybe we'll get to that in the top six, so we won't delve too far into that just now.

Why don't you shut your mouth? Why don't you shut your mouth? Wow, okay, wow. Push the buttons. Shut your mouth? Why don't you shut your mouth? Push the buttons. Shut your mouth again. Shut your mouth. You're going to get the fruit knife. You're going to knife him? You can't shake me.

I'm going to shake him with the fruit knife. Wow. Top six reasons science is overrated. Number six on the list. What's science ever done for us? The nuclear bomb? Yeah, actually. Remember that?

Yeah, I saw the movie. And the periodic table of elements? I can't remember the periodic table of elements. Hydrogen, helium, lithium, beryllium, boron, carbon, nitrogen, oxygen, fluoride, neon. I don't know why I still hold on to that information. Look at that. Private school education does have some... How helpful is it in my job and radio?

And comedy. Yeah, true. I don't have an answer for you. No. I don't have an answer for you. And exactly why... What's it ever done for us? Exactly why we don't need science.

Hashtag sarcasm. Number five on the list of the top six reasons science is overrated anyway. Why is science always so glum? Telling us about bad stuff. Oh, like we've got a new flesh-eating bacteria. Yeah, there's a new virus. Yeah, you're right, actually. There's an antibiotic-resistant bacteria.

Oh, my God. Sprinkle some bloody glitter on it, eh? Cheer it up. Yeah. Let's have some good science for a chance. And it's heating up, but at least we have some nice summers. Oh, yeah. Exactly. I never look better with this tan. Hashtag sarcasm. Number four on the list of the top six reasons

science is overrated. If they want to make layoffs in science, why don't they lay off the C in science? It's doing nothing. Actually, science. The C in science is overrated. The second C as well. We could replace that with an S.

Science. So you're proposing to go from S-C-I-E-N-C-E to S-I-E-N-S-E. Science. Science. Yeah. I like it. Way better.S-E. Science. Science. Yeah. I like it. Way better. Yeah, that'll save some money.

Yeah, it's one less letter. Well, think about the printing costs, the ink costs, the signage. We're doing one less letter now. Yeah, I love that. Number three on the list of the top six reasons science is overrated anyway. White lab coats, original.

How about some flair? And a bit of colour. Where's the fashion in science? Do we need white? White's so expensive to keep clean, they could save some money by getting the same pattern as the bus seats have on public buses. Because those might all matter of urine, vomit, blood, spit stains, don't they? White's very impractical. Very impractical for people dealing with science stuff.

Number two on the list of the top six reasons science is overrated anyway. Hashtag sarcasm. They're often wrong. And when they're proven wrong, they admit they're wrong and establish new theories and wait for that to be proven wrong. Who's that stoked to be wrong? Yeah. Make a decision and then just stick by it regardless of what evidence tells you afterwards. Hashtag sarcasm.

Take your heels in. Hashtag sarcasm. And number one on the list of the top six reasons science is overrated anyway. Who's even affected by earthquakes, volcanoes,

landslides or tsunamis? It's not like we're a hilly island country with cities and road built on insane slopes as the result of a huge fault line and its volcanic fields surrounded by oceans.

That's us. What? Do you remember what happened in Christchurch? insane slopes as the result of a huge fault line in its volcanic field surrounded by oceans. That's us. What? Do you remember what happened in Christchurch? I don't remember anything. Right. Murchison? I'm, of course, being sarcastic.

Hashtag sarcasm. Yeah. Auckland is literally built on a field of volcanoes. Granted, dormant. There's one big one in the harbour ready to go, though. Yeah, but they're dormant until they're not. You know what I mean? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Until they wake up

yeah and then we're just living on a volcano aren't we yeah like idiots we're surrounded by them like every major

New Zealand city yeah Auckland volcanoes yeah Bay of Plenty tsunamis yep

Wellington earthquakes Christchurch don't remind us Dunedin well Dunedin's just Dunedin Dunedin students yeah they're a natural hazard

in themselves they're an earthquake we need more scientists to study them the real the real natural disaster waiting to happen that's a tsunami

of drunkness yeah that's right all of this of course will be sarcasm very important people at GNS they did a wonderful job

we need more science in this time not less that's today GNS. They did a wonderful job. We need more science in this time, not less. That's today's top six. It's a mouthpiece for the left. It felt political. It felt like a big old

mouthpiece for the left. No, I didn't know it's a mouthpiece for science regardless of what side of the political spectrum that falls on. Yeah, but science feels a bit left to me.

You reckon science feels left? Yeah. I reckon science sits central. No, God sits over there. Too far left. Science sits over here.

Too far left are cuckoo bananas, bloody, oh, let's let hemp solve all of our problems. And crystals and amethyst. Too far right are like science is the devil's work. I think science in the middle. Science straddles

in the sexiest way possible. The political spectrum. Science gets a leg over politics. Got a big, broad straddles in the sexiest way possible. The political spectrum. Science gets a leg over politics. Got a big, broad straddle. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Squeezes it together. Science could unite us all. Play ZM's Fletch Vodden Ailey.

Play ZM. Some intense research going on during the songs. Gotcha, gotcha. In studio for this next report. I've had to get off the company Wi-Fi as r18store.co.nz won't let me, the Wi-Fi won't let me on there. Do that in your own time, Vaughan. Or is there a sale?

Because I'll jump on. Oh, my God, fathers. Good Lord. Jiminy crickets. Heaven's the Betsy. Don't swear. Heaven's the Betsy. Oh, my God, fathers. Good Lord. Jiminy Crickets. Heavens to Betsy. Don't swear. Heavens to Betsy.

All right, what I said was the headline of the day and what I believe is a New Zealand-based story that will go international. Happened in your home region, Fletch, Taranaki. I couldn't be prouder. We're going in a few weeks, aren't we? We are. We're going down for your comedy show. We are. Are there still tickets for your comedy show. We are.

Are there still tickets? You give me a little pike. Yeah. Like your show. I actually don't know. I assume so. Right. I am.

To 17th of August? I don't know. I mean, it's your show. In a couple of weeks, there are tickets. Wild Flat is New Plymouth. Now, just out of New Plymouth Township, there is a beach called Papawai Beach. This is South Taranaki, right? It's only just out of New Plymouth.ship, there is a beach called Tapawai Beach. This is South Taranaki, right? It's only just out

of New Plymouth. Oh, okay. Good beach? 4.8 stars on Google reviews. Oh, okay. It'll be a black sand beach, though. Great spot. Nice meander along the native bush-surrounded stream to the secluded beach with great views towards Paratutu. Oh, lovely. With dog walkers. Oh, lovely.

Meander. Well, I'm a fast walker. It was a dog walker that was walking along this beach. Okay. Alice was walking a dog on Tuesday. When a dog, as dogs do, is having a sniff about. That's what they do, ma'am. And Alice looked over and saw her dog sniffing at what she believed to be a naked, dead, decapitated body.

Oh, my God. She believed to be a naked, dead, decapitated body. Oh, my God. And when you see the photos from a distance, you would 100% be like, oh, my God, there is a woman naked face down in the sand. Oh, my God, horrible. She freaks out because she said only a couple of days before when she was down on there, she found two dead goats on the beach. Oh, right, okay.

Dead, you plebeth. What are they doing down there? So then on the beach. Oh, right. Okay. Yeah. What are they doing down there? So then on the Tuesday, she finds this. She goes over and she's relieved to find out. Momentary relief. Because the woman was a cow.

It was her neighbour. She had issues with that. I went to high school with her. She bullied me. Good riddance, Deborah. It was a super realistic, life-size, headless sex doll.

I have so many questions. And my first question was how much does that cost? And that's why Vaughn had to jump off the work Wi-Fi and go to work data. I'm data sorting off my phone, which is also provided by work.

Thank you, work. We've backed it up by saying this is research. As long as you don't use the work credit card to purchase one of these things, I think you're going to be okay. Well, I don't know the limit on the work credit card. Yeah. Or I think you're going to say as long as you don't use it at work, you'll be okay.

Also don't use it at work. Also don't use it at work. Because I've got lined up a 168 centimetre tall G cup. Big. Big boobs. Honkers. Leaner, the sex doll. For $2,124. Because this it's not like an inflatable ha-ha

doll. See it a stag do. You'd see lads carrying around town on a stag do. No, no, no. It looks latex. Like manne It looks latex. Like mannequin, but latex. Yeah. Yeah. Well, you wouldn't want to go like a proper store mannequin.

You'd hurt your hips. Oh, too hard. Too hard. We need some cushion for the push-up. Yeah, and the latex has got to... Apparently, this Lena doll I'm about to buy is the same size as producer Jared. Which we know is your type. That's your body type that you like.

Jared. With the Gs. Jared but with Gs. Jared but with Gs. Jared with Gs. Yeah. Now I could spend $2,400 and get Bella the Love Doll. Why is she more expensive?

Why am I spending $300 more on Bella when I've got Lena Linder? Well, what's Bella's? Is your podcast still doing that discount where you get the. Wild Secrets. Yeah, where you get the 25% off. I don't know if Wild Secrets sells $2,500 realistic Bella sex dolls. Not just for the lads. There's a Jake love doll as well. That's a boy.

Okay, what now? Tell me more. Anyway. Is it got a G cup as well? Do these. Do the lads got a G cup as well? Do these guys that you're looking at have heads? He's holding his little fake little rubber. His little Willie.

His little rubber Willie. His little rubber Willie. Oh, my God. Willie. Do you think that someone had this like on a P&O cruise and they were like, they had an argument? Dude, we will never know. You get rid of that thing.

That's the part that I don't like. We're not going to know who owned this. We're not going to know how it ended up. Did it ever have a head? Yeah. Did it lose the head? Maybe they're cheaper without a head. Maybe they're cheaper without a head.

I haven't seen on this. Creating a realistic face would require a lot of detailed work. Because I'm seeing here, and this research is just really interesting. There's a torso, but that doesn't come with head, arms or legs. Right. I find it very disconcerting to be

making love to a pile of latex. No head, no arms, no legs. Wait, but if they don't have legs, do they have bits? Yes. Oh, so we get the bits and then just no legs. Tiny stump legs. Yeah. Tiny stump legs.

There's a torso with a... But it's better if it's got latex arms and latex head. Yeah, we need the legs and the arms. How did it end up there? I don't know! Whose is it? Oh, I need to know. Because, like, was it thrown overboard and it's washed up?

Because, yeah, it's not a gag. That's too expensive. It's too expensive to be, like, yeah, for overboard and it's washed up? Because, yeah, it's not a gag. That's too expensive. It's too expensive to be, like, yeah, for a stag to do. Wait, like, it's got everything. It's got fingernails. Are the police going to do, like, a little forensic? Oh, my God, please tell me there's an autopsy. Please tell me.

I don't know. They're searching for DNA on this thing. They put up, like, the tape around it and put up a little gazebo. The little white sheets around it so the public can't see. They're swabbing around the scene. They're like, don't move her. Some online research said that this doll was likely worth thousands of dollars. This is from the person that saw it in person.

Like us, curiosity. She had to know. It's a major investment for somebody. It could have been stolen. That's a good point. Someone robs a house, thinks it's a funny thing to steal, steals it and like, what are we going to do with this giant sex doll?

Leave it at the beach. Truck it in the ocean and then it washes up on this beach. Police have declined to comment saying they were prioritising more urgent incidents. Like actual people. What the hell is happening in New Plymouth that's more urgent than this? What's more urgent?

This is the crime of the century. God, I need to know more. Is there a serial number on it? That's what I was wondering. If there is some sort of identifying feature to see where it was purchased from, then we can narrow down who purchased it. Where would you put the serial number? Tramp stamp.

Braille up the anus. We need to find We need to find this Up Eye Three Write this down Scoo

It's a scoo Three Seven Two Hang on Four Hang on Working your way out

I can't Seven Seven Seven's the final one Wow This is a great podcast Are you going to talk about this on your comedy show? Oh, my God, yes.

This is perfect. Oh, my God, I will. I will put that in there. Add it on. Go New Plymouth. A little local flair. Because you've got the screen for stuff. Have you got a screen?

No, I don't. Oh, you don't. I'll just bring one out. Yeah, put it up on the screen. Put it on the show budget. Yeah. I love this. The most expensive doll on this website.

I'm still here. Some of them are like $15,000. The ones I'm seeing on this go up to $4,500. Still cheaper than trying to, you know, date a woman for a while. Somewhat disastrous afternoon yesterday, we had to

go and pick up some plywood from Main Freight. Oh, yeah. Oh, God. Oh, Vaughan, you would have loved watching the forklift. I love it. Oh, my God. They're so clever. I love a bit of forklift ballet.

Oh, my gosh. Huge fan of a great forklift operator, and I'm sure there's many listening to the show. After all, we were awarded number one radio show at the annual New Zealand Forklift Awards. We were. They love us. And it's our proudest achievement, actually. It's the back wheels that steer. Oh my god, it was incredible watching him

spin and pick up this massive like it was two pallets worth of plywood. Yeah. Anyway, it was stunning. But in order to pick this up, we had to go and... Are you building a skateboard ramp? Building some cabinetry and a garage thing and, yeah, half pipe. Right. Rad, rad, dude.

Yeah, sick bra. Rad, dude. Anyway, so we went and borrowed our friend's van, our friend's Jake and Casey. They have a big van because they are a cabinet making company. And we went and took our truck to their house, picked up their van, got the van, went to Mayfray. Forklift.

Oh, delicious. In the thing. Back to our house where we needed to offload the plywood into the garage and then take the van back to Jake and Casey. But you don't have a forklift. No, what we had to do was cut it all open and sheet it a time. I know. Almost worth buying a forklift. No, what we had to do was cut it all open in sheet at a time.

I know. Almost worth buying a forklift. Actually. Actually, maybe I'll look one up. Like a Timu forklift. Not a proper one. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's like a cute little one.

I'll just get a little one. Timu forklift would fit in my mailbox. Yeah, neither actually. It probably would though. It would be like a tiny little toy one. You'd be like, this isn't going to help. Come on, team you. Anyway, what I realised was that I had,

we'd left the truck keys with our friends and then I'd put my keys in the truck. And so then when Aaron was like, can you open the house so we can get the garage open? I was like, I don't have any keys. And he'd left, so we had no keys. So now we're locked out of the house so we can get the garage open? I was like, I don't have any keys. So we had no keys. So now we're locked out of the house. It's persisting with rain as well.

It was quite cold and I wasn't wearing that much clothes because I'd been to the gym and I hadn't been changed yet. Stank. Yeah. But so we were locked out. So then I had to ring Jake and say, oh, can you, you know, can you come and bring the truck back and then you can take the van back and I'll make you a Negroni to say thank you.

Yep. And then I was like, what a waste of time. Can't get in the garage. So then I thought, why don't I make the most of it? And I started doing some chores. I was picking up, we've got a magnolia tree. You know, they drop those like. Sticky buds.

Sticky buds. Put all those in the bin. And I was like, what next? And then I was like, oh, get a big bucket and I'll pick up all the rotten oranges and I'll give that to Vaughan for his for his pigs oh pigs

yeah and then I was like oh I'll get a whole bucket of limes because I've got the beautiful lime tree famous and oranges and I'll bring them in

for the show and actually Vaughan thank God you've brought oranges pathetic though sad these are great oranges no they're tiny. Mine are massive and delicious.

I picked these in the dark. They'd be in that section at the supermarket like, nah, we can't sell them. Oh yeah, they're hanky. What do they call it? The ugly section. Don't judge an orange

on its appearance. On its juices. Yeah, it is juicy. But then I had this bucket full of stuff for you guys and I got out this morning to grab the bucket and the bucket's gone.

Well, there has to have been a theft. I think there might have been a theft at my house. A bucket of limes. A bucket of limes and a bucket of orange. So thousands of dollars of property has been stolen. I was like, this is nearly an insurance claim for the amount of limes that I had in this bucket for you and your margaritas, Fletch,

and you and your children, Vaughn. Yeah, I feed them primarily limes. Primarily limes. So now I'm like, where did they go? Has Aaron just moved the bucket? No, I looked around the property. Did the bucket go on the front porch? No.

Where was it? I don't know. No one's going to walk on the front porch. Where did you put it when it was full of limes? On the back. No one came around the back of your house and stole a bucket of limes? I think they did. This is the great Riverhead lime heist of 2024.

Nobody came around and stole a bucket of limes. Wow, you get no limes now. And I got the best ones for you, the big juicy ones. I think they did. This is the great Riverhead lime heist of 2024. Nobody came around and stole a bucket of limes. Wow, you get no limes now. And I got the best ones for you, the big juicy ones. I think in the light of day she's going to find the limes. Tune in tomorrow where Hayley's like, oh, they were actually just at the side in the bucket. No, they're gone. Aaron moved it because I left it in the rain

and he said it's going to fill up with water. I would have rather they took my car than my bucket of wine, to be honest. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley. There's been, it's been noted, it's been noticed. I hate that. It's been noted. It's been noted. The barometer and the mood of the country seems a little skew-iff.

A little titchy. Everyone seems a little titchy. Yeah. Everybody seems a little rope-able. Yeah. Everybody seems a little ropeable. Apparently, Georgia noticed it on Tuesday. We noticed it a bit yesterday. Yeah. And then Fletch and I went to the gym and we noticed it in the car park.

Oh, yeah, that's right. There was this woman who, like, very, you know, tight car parks, like, on the ramps. Yeah. You can't just both go, so someone's got to stop. She was for human. She looked at us like we'd murdered her husband. And I did like a wave like, hey thanks. Thanks for holding so I can get up the ramp. And she just held this death stare.

Oh no. And she was leaving the gym. Where's your endorphin release? She didn't lift hard enough. She didn't go heavy enough. She didn't go hard enough? Maybe she pulled something. Yeah, maybe. Or maybe she was doing that thing where you get to the car park there's no parks so you just go home.

But you didn't. We've done that. Were there parks? Because you went in. Yeah, because we got one. There were plenty. There were plenty. Yeah, okay, so that's not it.

But it's such, yeah, there's a energy, eh? And even yesterday I would just always call Sade on the way home. What are you doing? And she's like, oh, not much.

What are you doing? I was like, I'm just leaving work. And she's like, what's wrong? I was like, nothing. She's like, you sound flat and grumpy. I was like, oh. I was like, oh, not much. What are you doing? I was like, just leaving work. And she's like, what's wrong? I was like, nothing. She's like, you sound flat

and grumpy. I was like, oh. I was like, I'm not. But then I was. Wow, listen to that. I'm not. I'm not. But then I was. All last week I was in a terrible mood. You believed I would menstruate and I did not. We thought we were on the cusp of

the final return of the menstruation. After 300. 307 days. Still hasn't happened. But there's something. Is it the weather? Yeah, it is. Is it the Instagram pitch of all your other friends in Europe?

Well, you guys have been to Europe. Yeah, but I'm not there anymore. So I'm grumpy. So you're grumpy about not being there. Yeah. Better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all, isn't it? Definitely. There's something in the air.

People are really grumpy at the moment. People are grumpy. I think we've done this once before when we asked listeners to message in and call us, why are you grumpy? Why are you grumpy? I think it's the weather. I think maybe we should have a little vent. Exactly.

Once we vent, once we identify why we're grumpy, then we can deal with it, right? Yeah. If it's the weather, I'm afraid probably not going to be able to deal with that. Just realise that it's the weather that's getting to you. It's great. We'll help. We're not getting enough vitamin D, not enough sunshine. But sometimes it's big things and sometimes it's little things.

Yeah. Why are you grumpy? I'm itchy. Itchy always. It is driving me crazy. I'm itchy. Okaychy, always itchy. It is driving me crazy. I'm itchy. Okay. Yeah, the itchy is making me grumpy.

Let's start a nationwide vent. We want to open up the phone lines 0800 dials at M. You can text as well, 9696. Why are you grumpy? What's got you? What's got you? Maybe we've just made you grumpy saying that you're grumpy. Text us in.

Let us know that we just made you grumpy. The nation is grumpy. The nation is grumpy. People are grumpy saying that you're grumpy. Text us in. Let us know that we just made you grumpy. The nation is grumpy. Everywhere you go people are grumpy. We've noticed the last couple of days people texting in. We've really noticed that everybody has noticed it. Really sensitive. A little bit titchy.

Everybody's grumpy. We ran into that lady in the car park yesterday. You would have thought we'd murdered one of her family members the way she looked at us. She was shooting daggers at us because I was driving past her. Why are you grumpy, lady? Yeah. Yeah.

Well, the text machines. This is what we wanted. We're then and we realise and we look at what's making us grumpy and then we can start to process why it's making us grumpy. Okay. Oh, that's a really good point that people are messaging in. Not a lot of public holidays coming up. We've had some goodies in a row.

What is the next one will be? Labour. Labour weekend. Yeah, so not until October. We've got Father's Day in September. Always worth selling. Boy, unless you don't have a father, that'll probably make you great. But couldn't we feel like a tummy bug coming on on a Friday?

That took till Monday? Yeah, I mean, you could make. If it's not cleared by Monday, probably be back Tuesday. So we were all hanging out. I've got a little countdown in my app till labour weekend, 85 days. Jesus, that's so far away. That's made me. 85 days now.

That's 12 weeks. Boo. Boo, till the next long weekend. But you could make a long weekend with a sick day. You could take a day. Or just one day of annual leave. Take a mental health day on a Friday. Now we've got a long weekend.

Take yourself away. Yeah. So message is in. Winter, mid-year, school holidays are over, and I'm a teacher, so the bad weather means the kids are in your face all day. Oh, can't get them out of the house. Can't get them out of the house. Yeah.

Someone said, people asking me why I'm grumpy always makes me grumpy. Yeah. I didn't think I was grumpy, but I must have been grumpy. 100%. Oh, I knew this. This happened to my parents who felt the same.

Big rates increase in Wellington. Horirua, Wairarapa, they've got huge rate increase. Someone just texted in 17% extra. And just adding to everything else that's expensive. Adding to the stress, grumpy. Life's hard at the moment.

It sucks, but also like water pipes down there are just blowing themselves to pieces. You guys didn't want three waters. What? What? What did you say? What? People at Grumpy, they didn't win a lotto last night. Oh my God, I know.

You can't beat Grumpy at a million, a jillion to one chance. Hayley's, that was your exit plan. I said yesterday, I have to win this money and I'll just be gone. You'll never see me again. You'll never see. And I was like, well, I guess you're here today. Yeah, I'm here. Adding to the grumpy levels.

Yeah, I'm grumpy because I didn't even know I wanted a headless sex doll until that one was in the news. And now I want one, but they're too expensive. And so now I'm double grumpy. You're great. Big news out of New Plymouth. Tyler Mackey, New Plymouth. Yeah, with that washing up on the beach. Shannon, why are you grumpy. You're great. Big news out of New Plymouth. Tyler Mackey, New Plymouth. Yeah, with that washing up on the beach.

Shannon, why are you grumpy? Oh, my gosh. I am so grumpy about the train being late every morning. Every morning? Every morning, yeah. I come in on the wire at the line in Wellington and it's been morning there late. This wouldn't happen under the watchful guise of the fat controller.

Yeah, we do. We need some Thomas Tinkinger. We need Thomas. We need Gordon. We need James. We need Henry. Maybe they need to brick the train up in a tunnel for a week. Yeah, really.

To teach her to listen. It was grumpy. To teach her to listen. It's ever late again, though. What? Could you get an earlier train? No, sorry. That was such a bad suggestion.

No. You're just going to make it grumpier. We only get three trains in the way, Ripper. You know, so the earliest, I think, is the 6.30. Oh, no. And then that would be late as well. We're not doing that. We're not doing a 6.30.

6.30 might be a 7, and that's kind of looking right, isn't it? Oh, God. Yeah, but then you go. Why are you waiting for the train now? Sorry? Are you on the train, or are you waiting for the train? No, you know what? I gave up.

I'm driving. Oh! Driving is exactly what we didn't want. She was trying to help the environment. Now she can't. You think trains being late

makes you grumpy? Wait till you're sitting in traffic. Shannon, I want to make your day better by giving you a $50 cafe voucher for the week.

Yeah, I know. I've just changed. Have I changed your mood? You have changed my mood. Oh my God, go and get some nonnies. Oh, my God. Core of the week. Yeah, I know. I've just changed. Have I changed your mood? You have changed my mood. Oh, my God. Go and get some nonnies. Oh, my God. Yes.

You're welcome. Excellent. There we go. That's lighting the load of the nation. Yeah. Let's go to Anonymous. Anonymous, why are you grumpy? We can't do it for everyone, darling.

No. Not within the budget. That was it. Anonymous, good morning. Good morning. Why are you grumpy? Well, I picked up the courage to go and buy some new

bras on the weekend because the current ones I had I was probably packing a little bit too much into them. Yep. And now that I've spent the money on them, I'm finding that the new ones are digging into me. All the ones that you talked about, Hayley,

that you said were good bend on comfort it's really good may I ask because you have called anonymously are you bigger in the chest or smaller yes I'm bigger in the chest and I find that as you hit menopause

it seems like you get even bigger in the chest so that's a positive I've heard nothing but negatives about menopause, it seems like you get even bigger in the chest. Well, there's a positive. I've heard nothing but negatives about menopause because of the big titties out of it. It's positive for you looking at the boobies, not for us that are getting bigger boobies. Sorry, I didn't think about women again. God, Vaughan's mood just improves

so much. I'm just thinking about big boobies now. You know what? I'm feeling good. I'm feeling better. You've got to get the bend on comfort. That's what I'm wearing now and it's like I've got big boobies and it holds them up fine. No wire. We're done with the wire. We saw them yesterday

when she just took her shirt off in the middle of the studio. Yeah, and didn't they look great? Oh, I wouldn't want to comment. You wouldn't dare to comment. Wouldn't dare comment. Anonymous, thank you.

Some messages in. Why are you grumpy as the nation grapples in the mid-winter blues? God, you guys would not understand the grump that comes with, and Shannon will know this, a wire digging into your armpit. Oh, no, I don't.

It comes in here. But I've always thought they look very uncomfortable. Well, they are. They just are. No wonder women just walk into a house and they're like, get this off of me. Almost feels like we should be doing a weekly vent now. We might need it through the rest of winter.

Might do. Because everything's so effing expensive. I'm sick of being poor. I didn't used to be poor. My money used to go further. Yeah. Fletch sang vitamin

instead of vitamins. Just made me grumpy. Vitamin. Did you say vitamin D? Vitamin D. Vitamin D. Vitamin D. He says a bit of both.

He swings. How does, what does that song go? Vitamin, oh no, they didn't say that was just the name of the song.

That was the name of the woman who sang it. It was called The Graduation Song. As we go on, we remember all the times we had together. And as our lives change from whatever, we will still be friends forever. Yeah. Na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na.

I'll tell you what, that's cheered me up. Yeah. Great song. Some other messages, why people are grumpy. Because I'm fat and it's hard to get skinny in winter because of stupid comfort. Yeah, mate. It sucks. Yeah, man. I think a salad in winter, you're like. Yeah. Oh, boo. and it's hard to get skinny in winter because of stupid comfort food. It sucks.

Having a salad in winter, you're like... Yeah. Oh, boo. And it's expensive. Salads are so expensive in winter and they're yuck. I'm grumpy about our local pub quiz turning a blind eye to a team of 12

when the limit is eight. Because it's more brains. More brains. It's more brains. Recession, house prices dropping. I've just been made redundant with three kids under five. Now you have every right to be grumpy. Did our song make that a little bit better?

I don't think so. No. I'm grumpy because I'm a truck driver and only one in 10 people actually know how to drive. It's like the rest of us are driving with blindfolds on. And then Vaughn's in his chimney going 70 in the 110 zone. That's made grumpy. And that's made everyone grumpy.

Beep, beep, beep, beep. Play ZM's Fletch Vaughn and Hayley. Play ZM. Special guests in studio. Well, they've got a podcast. They're a married couple. And the podcast is about what it's like being a married couple.

But there's more than that. There's sport. There's political than that. There's sport. There's political intrigue. There's murder. The Montoyas are in studio. Hello. Hello. Hi, guys.

What episode's the murder? Three. Three. That's early on. That's early, but you... It's a perfect time for a murder. I mean, true crime podcasts are high rating and often

it happens between married couples yeah but you are both here so that bodes well for your marriage it's still to come you've got to get

killed off pretty soon she's probably going to murder me that's probably what they were saying absolutely how long have you guys

been married for two years but we've been together for nine years okay yeah early days too long early days too long rookie numbers Um, two years, but we've been together for nine years. Okay. Yeah. Early days.

Too long. Early days. Too long. Rookie numbers. Too long, did you say? Yeah, two years, it feels long. Yeah. This podcast is going to revive the marriage. Yeah, we need this.

It's like marriage counselling every week. So, just the two of you or are there guests where you get people on to be like? Nah, just the two of us at the moment. Yeah. It's hard to get a word in as it is, poor Marcelo. Well, no one's in our room besides us anyway. It's quite small at home. Yeah.

See, you're bringing work into the home place. Yes. They say never to do that. Yes, especially never to work with your partner either. Yeah. Hence the murder. You're just three. Red flags.

You're trying to doom this marriage. Yeah, pretty much. Hence the murder. You're trying to doom this marriage. So you met when you were playing for the Bulldogs and you were a cheerleader. Cheerleader is still the right term. I just had to check. What did you think it was? Technician of cheer or... Cheer artist.

Cheer artist. Something that sounds less gender specific. Yeah, right. And so you met... Is that frowned upon For the players Yeah it was I hit it for like what two years And I got sacked at the end of my second season I thought you said you hit it

She does as well I hit it I hit it for two years Nice You hit it I thought you had said hit though It was both I hid it for two years. Atta girl. You hid it. I thought you had said hit, though.

I hid it. It was both. Yeah. You hid it. You kept it hidden and then it came out and then you left your job. Yeah, a member of the cheer squad snitched on me. I know. Very saucy.

And then, so yeah, I got asked to not come back. So I did it. I put love first over my career. Oh my God. It wasn't a career. Let's be fair. It wasn't a career. Have you watched the Dallas Cowboys documentary? I don't want to watch it.

They get paid nothing. I don't want to watch it. Have you watched that documentary? It's so sad. They smash their hips doing that splits to thing. Yep. And they get paid part-time wages. Yeah.

And like I mean, I was never as professional or as talented as any of them. No, you were trying to hook up with the players. That's very unprofessional. You were there for one reason and one reason only. Catch a hobby. She got what she wanted. And now I'm in New Zealand, so. Wow.

Good on you. I mean, that's true love. I would never, I'd never, I'd never. I wouldn't do much for a man. This is a big Southern Hemisphere podcast. We've got an Australian and a Fijian Chilean living in New Zealand. Yeah. Do you like South Africans?

That's how I like my Southern Hemisphere. Do you want to have children? Yeah, one day. One day, yes. God, they'll be nice. Thank you, hopefully. Just looking at you. Look at this one. They'll be crazy.

They'll be crazy, I think. Yeah. Yeah, they will be. Marcella, I'm noticing you bring a quieter nature to the couple. I'm you. Yeah. I'm you and my relationship. On the podcast, as you said, is it easy to get a word in?

It is because I pull her up. That's pretty much my job. Oh, really? Yes. It's quite interesting how it all flows. But, yeah, I mean, I'm quiet here, but I do got a big mouth on me as well. I do like to talk a little bit. I am fiery.

I've heard on the field you're like this gentle giant off the field, but when you're playing, like, you turn into a little bit of a monster. It's like a hide and Jekyll and Hyde situation going on. Yeah, yeah. Well, like at home, it's quite similar as well. I have to bring that energy. Otherwise, my head's just getting bitten off the whole time. You get rolled.

Yeah, you get rolled. You've got to keep it fun. We were looking at your player stats. Speaking of Giants. Speaking of Giants, you and Vaughn have exactly the same stat. We've got the same stat block. 6'2", 96 kgs if you're still at that. Oh, wow.

That's what I'm at. I think the district. You wouldn't think, would you? 6'2", 96 kgs if you're still at that. Oh, wow. That's what I meant. That's what I said. You wouldn't think, would you? What's 6'2", 188 centimetres? Yeah, yeah, 188. That's what I think. I think the distribution's different. It's a little bit more central.

Taylor, your expression. I'm a bit more centrally distributed. Taylor was trying to be polite. Oh, wow. Yeah. Really? You look different to my husband. Why do you look so different if you're the same height and weight?

It's weird, eh? It's so weird how bodies work like that. Yeah, it is crazy. You've got the chicken legs, though. I do have chicken legs. They would not be good on the field. I've got chicken legs. You'd be fine.

Do you have chicken legs? Yes. You'd be fine as long as you're explosive. You look explosive. No, but you've been seen. He's really got chicken legs. But that's not fair. Pacific Island, you've got the Chilean legs. Yes. You'd be fine as long as you're explosive. You look explosive. No, but you haven't seen, he's really got chicken legs. But that's not fair. Pacific Island, like you got the, what, Chilean legs? Yes.

Oh, that's fine. At least I'm an excuse. If you look at my genealogy, it's just like white. Yeah, I got Pacific Island legs, unfortunately. You're 1% Hawaiian and 19% Maori. We're like, we'll have the legs. Oh, well, I'll be good on the field. If you, because you discuss your marriage, marriage advice,

if, like, just to get a little snippet, what would be one piece of advice you would give to married couples? Because obviously you love each other. I mean, you've changed your whole life. You moved countries for him. You have fun. You've got good banter. What's your advice to married couples if they want to make it last?

I feel like space. Have space from each other. Do you know what? I've said it myself as well. Different houses. Different countries. Totally different lives. Two space. Spats on a distance. Get him in space.

He goes away for his job every second week, if not every week. So I'm home by myself with the sausage dog. There's not much that can go wrong. Oh, that's not what I thought you meant. Is that what we're calling them? Oh, I didn't have that model. Oh, wow.

I'm looking up. Yeah, it's really good. Definitely recommend. Weirdly enough, the sausage dog's 6'2 and 96kg too. Yeah, wow. So you would say, Taylor, your advice is space. Yeah. Marcella, would you say the same?

Yeah, I mean, it's like she says that, but it's quite scary because then what's going to happen after my career then? You'll have to go out and get another job. I'll have to go find another place. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Every second week. Go work in the mines or something. Yeah, yeah, yeah, FIFA.

Eat that done. Just meet her in Bali every second week. That's Australians too, eh? Yeah, we love Bali. Australians do. Well, the episodes are released on Thursdays. Weekly, how many episodes

are they going to be? 20 to begin with and then hopefully they extend us. We'll see. The first episode out now. The Montoyas. Thanks, guys.

Actually, I'm glad we're talking about this because I did want to bring up, I feel deprived from you two at the moment. Why? I have not received many compliments as of late and I've been letting it go. Right.

I've just been going like, we're all busy, head down, just getting through it. Man, oh man, it's been lacking. So yesterday a man in the wild, a man just in public, a stranger, completely unprompted, not hassled into it. I didn't even have to ask, as I do with you two. Gave me a compliment. It really made my day.

Really? I honestly encourage people to give compliments more often to strangers. That's a bit crazy. I feel like the current environment. Oh, not like damn dead ass. No, but like even if you just say anything to anyone, people can just be like. Fire up.

Yeah. Well, I walked into the gym yesterday and I was hot on the heels of you, Fletch. And we were strolling into the gym and for some reason I had, not for some reason because it's a great song, Sabrina Carpenter. Which one?

I think it was Please, Please, Please. Okay. In my head. Yeah. On loop since we left radio. Yeah. And so I was singing it

beautifully. Out loud. Please, please, please. And as I walked past reception and a stranger at reception, unprompted by the way, turned to me and said, yes, lovely voice.

Absolutely made my day. Okay voice. Absolutely made my day. Okay. It absolutely made my day. But wait, it wasn't sarcasm. Okay, so what you've done there, so what I started this by saying I feel deprived of compliments, what you've done is you've given me

somewhat of a backhanded insult. We like to keep you grounded, otherwise you get too... I'm grounded. I'm knee deep in the earth. I'm half covered in the ground. I'm so grounded. I'm half in a hole. You know when you're a kid and you bury half

your body at the beach? Yeah. That's where I live in terms of how much you ground me. Right. That's good. That's where you want to be. That's where you want to be. I know I do have a lovely voice and the moment he said it, I said, I know. Wait, you just said you were half in the earth. And then you just said I have a lovely voice.

Sometimes there's bragging or being big headed and sometimes there's knowing what is a fact. Sometimes there's knowing what is a fact. But I think facts speak for themselves so you don't need to say it so much let the singing speak for itself. So again, what's happening

is it feels like I'm receiving sort of backhanded insults. I'm explaining to you my upbringing and how nothing was complimented. Yeah. You just know that it was, you know, enjoyed or whatever. I just think compliments are the best thing. It just really like this, just this match.

So he wasn't being sarcastic? I don't think so. Because sometimes you say that to people because they don't think you can hear them or they don't know they're singing out loud. No, he had a smile on his face and a genuine look in his eye. Wait, was he working at reception? Because maybe he was, you know how they do that thing where they have to be nice? No, he was on the other side.

No, he was a client. Do you know, it could be possible that I do have a lovely voice, as the man said. That you don't need to analyse it. I'm sure it's in the realms of possibility. It really like bumped up my day. And then I need to give, I was like today, maybe today I'll find a way, not in a weird way or a creepy way,

but I'll find a way to give a stranger a compliment and see if it really. Because it feels like you saying this and that we don't compliment you enough and someone complimented you and then that, that you're kind of almost fishing for more compliments. It's not fishing. It does sound like she's fishing. It's just knowing the needs and wants and desires of you. You probably know now that we're two very stubborn gentlemen who aren't going to.

Yeah, right. And the listeners are listening and hearing that we're not going to. You almost know that they might text message in a compliment. Why don't you sing? So I would tell them not to. Yeah, why don't you sing a little bit of that song that you were singing? Please, please, please. Just a little why don't you sing a little bit of that song that you were singing? Please, please, please. Just a little bit.

You just get a little bit. Don't prove I'm right. Don't sing better than me. That was really lovely. Don't sing better than me. Thank you, Fletcher. That was beautiful. Thank you.

Actually, the other day, I pulled up a man. I just forgot about this. I was in Wellington. I was in a store, and I was trying on a lovely leather blazer. Got it for a steal. Wait a minute. You've got a leather jacket that's never warm enough to wear. It's never cold enough to

wear the leather jacket. Yeah, so this one's lighter. It's a blazer. It's not a jacket, you idiot. Oh my God, how embarrassing that you think that those two are interchangeable. Anyway, I was trying this on and I was with a friend and she was trying something on and this woman came out of the dressing room and she looked incredible. She was trying on a dress and as I was looking at myself in the mirror, I just turned to on and I was with a friend and she was trying something on. And this woman came out of the dressing room and she looked incredible. She was trying on a dress.

And as I was looking at myself in the mirror, I just turned to her and I said, you look amazing in that dress. She was like, oh my God, do you think? Oh, I don't know. I feel a bit. Oh, I don't know. I said, you look absolutely incredible.

You have to buy it. You look amazing. And then she was like, I don't know. And then she sort of turned to look at her husband who was looking down at his phone. And I turned to her and I said, excuse me, get in here and tell your wife how beautiful she looks.

No, because this is probably the fifth shop he's been into. She looks mind-blowingly beautiful. He knows she's got a wardrobe full of stuff she's not wearing at home. But she looks particularly nice in this dress and someone needs to tell her. They just had a chat about how they can't afford

these sorts of frivolous spending. Lock up off your phone. Your wife's in here looking like an absolute goddess. She's not getting anything. Because she's got 10 of them at home already. You don't know that. I do. In my heart of hearts. She looked incredible and this woman was born to wear the stress.

What did the husband say when you pulled him up? He was like, shut up, stranger. Off his phone and sort of looked at it and didn't say anything. And then he whispered in her ear, leave him. Divorce him. Take it all. No, I didn't. But I hope she bought it. But yeah, I did. You did. Divorce him, take it all. No, I didn't. But I hope she bought it.

But yeah, I did. I pulled up a man for not coming with me as well. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley. What's your jobby? What's your jobby? What's your jobby? What's your jobby? What is your jobby?

A little bit silly there, Vaughn, near the end. Beautiful voice. He's a silly little boy. What's your jobby? What is your jobby? A little bit silly there, Vaughn, near the end. Beautiful voice. He's a silly little boy. What's your jobby? We ask you three questions about your job. You can't tell us what you do. And then we've got to try and guess. Oh, God, yeah.

Who was on last time? We kept being like, no. Close. More like, yeah. Not how you're going to win the money. Yeah, you're not allowed to do that. That's against the rules. Emily, good morning.

Good morning. Good morning. Good morning. Okay. Pregnant pause there before she said good morning. Yes, she sounds a bit fed up. So that immediately points me towards teacher or nurse. Yeah, I'd be fed up in both of those roles.

Also, as we did just say earlier, we did, you know, why are you grumpy? Everyone's grumpy. Everyone is grumpy at the moment. Emily, do you work predominantly indoors? No. Okay. Oh, that's why she's fed up. That was such a good question for me.

Outside. Trades. Gardens. We're talking. Could be a return to the courier. Sports. Oh, yeah. Could be a return to the courier.

Okay. I've kicked us off with a roaring start here. You've done really well. Okay, my question is going to be, do you drive for your job? No. Okay. Courier is out the window. We've got a tradie on our hands here.

We've got a site-specific person. You wouldn't say tradies drive for their job? No, you wouldn't. I know, like truck drivers and all that. Everybody has to get to their job. We've got a sparky or a plumber or something, Vaughan. Do you reckon you could go like, do your hands get dirty? Because then if it's no, it could be more along the lines of a sparky.

I would say work indoor more than outdoor. Yeah. Builder would be outdoor, but your hands don't necessarily get dirty. Landscaper. Landscaper, plumber, but more dirty would be outdoor, but your hands don't necessarily get dirty. But gardener, landscaper, plumber, a bit more dirty. Oh, your gardener can build

as your hands get dirty? Not dirty. Yeah, true. But not like dirt. That's a good question. That's a good question. Do it. Do your hands get dirty?

Yes. I reckon we've got a landscaper. I've got a gardener on our hands. I'm getting a landscaper vibe. I'm getting a landscaper vibe too. Should we try it? Dairy farmer, dairy farmer.

She could be a farmer. Oh my God, we told you we're farming out. Farmer, farmer, farmer. Outside the whole time and their hands get dirty. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Landscaper or farmer. And you know, we did win favourite radio show for farming dairy beef sheep overall. Next year we are hoping to hit deer and horticulture.

And high country stations. And high country stations. We don't have any more guesses left. We just have to ask the job. That's it. One, two, three. I think we asked her if she's a farmer. We don't have any more guesses left. We just have to ask the job. That's it. I think we'll ask her if she's a farmer. I think landscaper, but you go. No, you go.

Why don't you do the, yeah, get it. She sounded fed up. It's the time of the year farmers start to get fed up. Carving. There she is over there. And just the weather's shit. Okay. We'll ask a question and then we've still got a guess.

No, no, no, no, that's it. We've asked her. Oh, I asked her a question. Okay, okay. Emily. Are you a farmer? No. If she's a landscaper, I'm going to flip this table.

What's your job? You're like on the right track. I'm actually a soil scientist. Oh! Emily, can you come and do some testing on my paddock I need to know what fertiliser

I need to put on Yeah you're on the right track Wow Soil scientist Okay a soil scientist Yeah Oh my gosh How good are worms eh

Emily Do you love worms Emily Yeah yeah yeah Yeah worms rule That's going to be my next question for the next contestant Do you deal with worms

in your job Do you deal with worms No that's a silly Yeah I'm going to do that I'm going to My first question for the next contestant. Do you like worms? Do you deal with worms in your job? Do you deal with worms? No, that's a silly... Yeah, I'm going to do that. I'm going to... My first question for the next one is are you a soil scientist? Emily, thank you for playing. Unfortunately, no cash for you. Damn. We go to Renee. Good morning, Renee. Welcome to

What's Your Jobby? Morning. Renee. Cherry. Cherry. What's... Do you work... She's driving. She's driving somewhere. Yeah, driving, but then could be driving to work. Yeah, that's what I'm saying. She's a nine-to-fiver. Do you wear a uniform as part of your job?

Oh, yeah, good. Yeah. Okay, that... That's a good one. That's a good one. We're talking... Do you spend the majority of your day in or around a vehicle? No.

Okay, so she's in a uniform, but she's driving somewhere and then getting out of the car and not getting back in. Okay. So she's in a uniform but she's driving somewhere and getting out of the car and not getting back in. Okay, that rules out deliveries. So it could be Cospo like a Nonny's. We could be Trades like a Bunnings.

We could be Garden Centre. Supermarkets. We could be Nurse. Those supermarkets don't usually you wouldn't start

your shift at nine. If she's on the road at eight you'd start early or later. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay. What am I going to try and ask her if she works with people? You wouldn't start your shift at nine. If she's on the road at eight, you'd start early in the afternoon. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay. What am I going to...

Shall I ask if she works with people? Everyone sort of works with people. Unless you're a writer. Everyone sort of works with people. Yeah. She wouldn't be a writer in a uniform unless you had a uniform and you were a writer. She's not a teacher. Why is she not a teacher?

She could be a teacher. What teachers wear uniforms? Oh, yeah, true. Some posh schools. Do they? No, they don't. What nuns? Nuns?

She's a nun. Are you a nun at a Catholic school? No, no, no. That's a stupid question. I'm joking, joking. I don't like nuns. She worked with food, I reckon. Okay, do you work with food?

No. Right. Okay, do you work with food? No. Right. Okay, uniform, no food. Not in the car. Not in the car. Nurse. That's my guess. Oh, that's a great guess.

Yeah, that's actually, is that a good guess? That's a good guess. Yep, do it. Renee. What's your jobby? No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Wait, wait, wait. We say Renee.

It's one of those old rules. Are you a nurse? No. Oh. What you got? What's your jobby? Rural banking. Rural banking.

Rural banking. Soil scientist. I told you, we're horrendously popular with the rural sector. Okay. We need to get more rural. Renee, sorry. soil scientists. I told you we're horrendously popular with the rural sector. Renee, sorry. Bankers, of course bankers wear uniforms. Anya, good morning. Good morning.

Okay, cheery. Cheery, cheery, cheery. I just need to talk because I really want to give someone some money. Anya, tell us a little bit how are you today and what did you have for breakfast? I just need to hear a voice. I'm on some money. Anya, tell us a little bit, like, how are you today? And what did you have for breakfast? I just need to hear her voice. Yeah.

Well, I've just woken up. It is my day off, so nothing so far. Okay, day off. So she's not a teacher. Yes, that's great. Because they would be working Monday to Friday. Yeah, that's a clue. That's a clue. Good, good.

Office workers don't tend to have a midweek day off. Same with trades. This is nurse energy. Same with trades. Like a shift. a clue. Office workers don't tend to have a mid-week day off. This is nurse. Got big nurse energy. Or retail. Could be retail. And she works weekends, so she doesn't work Wednesdays. Or she's a cop. Do you wear a uniform? Yes, I do.

Nurse or cop. Nurse or cop. I reckon nurse. That's sunny dispositions. Ask if she drives a vehicle With a woo woo woo woo Or you're saying She's a paramedic Or no It could be a police

Or fire Do you work for a emergency No no no no No no no no No no no no I was going to say Are you a government employee But technically both

Police and nurses are And I was going to say Do you work with assholes all day But put Nurses and police do Nurses do put up with a lot of bullshit, don't they? Yeah. Okay. And they put suppositories up arseholes.

So technically you'd need to be really specific about if you meant a lot of work with the people or the whole. Yeah. Okay, okay, okay. Next question. Anya, do you do you fight baddies? Um, not for work, no.

Okay, we'll get back to this. She just fights baddies. She plays judo. She's a vigilante. We ain't got a cop here. So what questions have we asked this one? Uniform. I haven't asked a question, eh?

No. You've got the last question. Uniform, not a baddie fighter. That's a great question from me. Do you work with animals? Yes. Oh my God, where did that come from? That came from nowhere.

The rural sector. We've been talking about the rural sector. Well, it's got to be vet, right? It's got to be vet or a vet nurse. It's a day off. Vets do wear uniforms. Did you ask uniform? Yeah.

Yeah. Vets do wear uniform. Doesn't fight uniform? Yeah. Vets do wear uniforms. Doesn't fight baddies. They don't fight baddies. She's got to be a vet. Or a horse doctor. A horse doctor is just an equine vet. It's a vet. Well, ask a question.

You've got one more question before we actually say, is this your job? No, we don't. I asked her. Oh, you've done it. Okay, we'll go. Ira can ask another question. No, wait.

She's pushing us away from vet. Horse trainer. But she wears a uniform. She wears a uniform. Wears a uniform. Works with animals. Shut up, Anya. No more clothes. Wears a uniform? Not a vet. Doesn't fight baddies.

Works at a zoo. Do you work at a zoo? Is that a question? Anya, is your jobby working at the zoo? Yes, it is. What? Are you kidding me? No. I forgot about the zoo.

I forgot about so many job possibilities. She did give us a little bit of a shunt away from vet, though, because I was just going to say vet. Yeah, you were just going to say vet. You never would have said zoo. And then she was like, are you sure? And I was just like, we're asked to work with animals. Give her the money.

It was a sneeze. I'm sorry, guys. It was a sneeze. It was a sneeze. It was a sneeze. It was a sneeze. It was like, our true something else. Our true, is that the right question?

And is that shift work as well? Because it always need to be people working at the weekends at the zoo. Yeah, I'm weekend. I'm Friday to Monday. Oh my God.

Okay, cool. Great. What animals do you work with? Are there tigers? Yeah, tigers. We do.

We've got two tigers. What zoo are you at? Can we ask? Wellington. I love Wellington. I haven't been since I was a kid. It's the best. Yes, we need to go next time.

Okay, we'll go. Yeah, you guys have been in Wellington a lot, and I haven't seen my DMs asking for any free tickets to come in. We wouldn't dare. Oh, we will next time. I will now, though, because you've kind of said you expect it. Yeah, absolutely. Beautiful.

Aunty, congratulations. Well done. You've won What's Your Jobby. Wait a minute. What's your specific animal that you look after? Actually, the people. Oh, yuck.

That's the worst animal. Hetangata, hetangata, hetangata. I know. It is the people, the people, the people. Congratulations, Anya. Thank you. Now, this may amaze some people, but I, Vaughan Smith, can read.

Oh my God, I thought you was a dumb. All of the letters. You was a dumb. I thought you was a dumb. Nah, I've been a course. You've been a course. I've been a course. But you didn't done it.

I done it. You bailed halfway through. Oh yeah, I done part of it. Yeah, I don't know if you can call radio school a course. I can read all the letters. You point at one and I'll tell you which one it is. Okay, what's that one at the very start of that sentence? F.

For Fletch. Yeah, he's good. Holy moly. And the next one? After F. Yeah. L. Okay.

He not a dumb. He not a dumb. I'm not a dumb. So I was reading a story, an online yarn, if you will. Oh, my God. He knows how to use a computer and the internet. And I can read. And I was reading about a woman who was talking about this relationship she's in

with someone who had been her long-time courier. Oh, knocking on the door all the time. Knocking on the door, bringing her packages. She's there in a towel. Was he Aramex or DHL? I don't know. I guess he's overseas. I don't know the courier company.

But she said, yeah, this guy was always just coming around, dropping off packages. He was a bit of her. Yeah, but well, not for a start. She said not at all. Right. But then there was nice. There was some interaction, some chit chat.

It grew. And now she proposes that they enjoy each other's company outside of the delivery schedule. So is this why you're proposing the question? Before they were my partner, they were my dot dot dot because hers was before they were my partner, they were my courier.

Dot dot dot, my best friend's boyfriend. Yeah. There'll be lots of them. There'll be lots of them. Oh yeah. Oh my god, someone texted him before she was. There'll be a... Oh, my God. Someone texted in, before she was my partner, she was a viewer on my Twitch, the live stream gaming.

Oh. You know, so she was just watching the gaming. Yeah. Well, at least that's someone that's going to put up with your insulting gaming. Before he was my baby daddy, he was my milkman. That's like the old story

of the child doesn't look like the father, it looks like the milkman I like that Yeah I mean these things Had to have started from somewhere Before he was my husband He was my divorce lawyer

What? Which is hot Because he's getting you He just stopped from the last one But you know you're not getting Anything this time And he knows what you want in a man He's already made you sign a prenup

Yeah he knows Okay well this is what we want It's juicy 0800 DARS at M you can call Otherwise text in 9696 Before they were my partner Yeah, he knows. Okay, well, this is what we want. It's juicy. 0800 DARS at M you can call. Otherwise, text in 9696. Before they were my partner, they were my... Dot, dot, dot. So a woman's gone viral because she's ended up dating a courier.

And we want you to complete the sentence. Before they were my partner, they were my... Dot, dot, dot. Dot, dot, dot. Best text. I'm single, but I don't want to miss out on this game. So I've let predictive text decide. Before they were my partner, they were my car tow truck.

And congratulations. You're now dating an inanimate object. For marrying Mater from the Pixar series Cars. For the happy couple. Yeah. So good. Okay, where do we even start? I don't know. We have had some calls.

Let's go to Christy. Good morning, Christy. Good morning. Good morning. Okay, complete the sentence. Before they were my partner, they were my... My, well, now ex-husband,

stepbrother and best friend. You rascal. Wait, I just need a moment. I just need a moment to draw a line. Ex-husband, stepbrother and they were also best friend. You rascal. Wait, I just need a moment. I just need a moment to draw a line. Ex-husband, stepbrother, and they were also best friends. Yeah. Okay. Wow.

How did that go down when they found out? Well, my ex-husband used to invite his stepbrother over to hang out with me while he would go play video games. All right. And we just kind of bonded. And I told my ex-husband, like, you know, I'm kind of getting emotionally attached to this guy. Maybe we should, you should...

Spend more time with me. ...do this. Yeah. And he didn't. And, you know, we got divorced. And then I'm now married to his brother. What the hell? What video game was it? I must know. When it's a man's like, oh, look, it's What video game was it?

I must know When it's a man's like She's told me it's brewing But I'm still absolutely cranking this video game Yeah it was Destiny On the Playstation Destiny Yeah it wasn't Destiny

It wasn't Destiny It wasn't Destiny for us to be together Ah good god Wow So you're married to him now Yeah, it wasn't destiny. It wasn't destiny for us to be together. No. Ah, good God. Wow. And so you're married to him now? Yes. So how did that go down with the family? Yeah, how's Christmas?

Yeah, it was very awkward the first year or so. It's very much calmer now. But, yeah, my ex-husband, like, his mum refuses to speak to me whatsoever, which is fine. I don't care. That's not about that. It's about you and your love and your needs and wants and desires. I'm happily married now, and I feel like I found my soulmate. It's just I had to

let him go. Back to video games. Christy, amazing. Thank you so much. Shane, complete the sentence. Before they were my partner, they were my... Bartender. Yeah. Mr. Bartender.

What were they mixing you up? A little sex on the beach. Oh, this was a long time ago, so I was quite young and I was on the Malibu and Pineapples. Oh, my God. They pop, man. They pop. Yummy.

Delicious. Yeah, I always used to get a double shot for free. Oh, nice. Now you get them for life. Yeah. And you're what, still together? Yep, married with kids. Oh, my God.

I love this. That's great. That's great. Good for you, guys. Shane, thank you. Anonymous, complete the sentence. Before they were my partner, they were my... Teacher at my daughter's school.

You said that quick. Yeah, yeah. Teacher at my daughter's school. Teacher at my daughter's school. Not my teacher. Not my teacher. Wow. That's hot.

Were you single when you met the teacher? I was single, yes. Okay. Was the teacher single? No, I was still in a... Before we officially started dating, no, I was still with my. Okay, was the teacher single? No, I was still in a... Before we officially started dating, no, I was still with my baby daddy. Right.

Okay, what was the teacher's situation? Were they in a relationship? Well, I thought he was married as well with children, but no, we actually matched on Tinder. And I didn't know... Once we had separated from our partners, we... Really driving that point home, aren't you? I went on Tinder

and I was like, that's a hot teacher from school. I didn't know he was single. Oh, yeah. Nice pounce, my mum. What a teacher. Yeah. And then basically the rest is history. I embarrassed my daughter completely. Oh, I bet. Yeah, she was very mortified

to start with. Yep. But yeah, we're still dating now, like nine months later. Oh, that's so nice. Does your daughter still have to call him Mr. What's-His-Face? She still does sometimes. Oh my God. What level of school are we talking? Primary or high school?

Primary. Okay, that's not as bad. Way worse than high school. But his name now, to even my family and like on my phone and everything, is The Teacher. Like, I can't call him by his first name. His name is The Teacher. That's hot. It's a bit hot.

That's quite a bit hotter in the 80s when they could smack you. Anonymous, thank you. So many messages. So many. So many. Do we need a little bit of pod? We could do an overflow pod. you. So many messages. So many. So many. Do we need a little bit of pod? We could do an overflow pod. Yes.

So many. And so many need thorough dissection. Okay. But we'll just go over some quick ones. Before they were my partner, they were my wife's best friend. Whoa. Whoa. Okay.

I'll tell you what there's a lot of. Before they were my partner, they were my personal trainer. Yeah, that's hot. You know why? It's because you do that thing on the machines and then they just my personal trainer. Yeah, that's hot. You know why? It's because you do that thing on the machines and then they just touch your back. They touch it to activate the glute. And then you're just like, they activate the glute. They go, they shouldn't be doing that.

My best friend's husband. Before they were my partner, they were my best friend's husband. Before they were my partner, they were the funeral celebrant for a family member's funeral. At least you're going to get future discounts. Yeah. The grieving process is unusual. least you're going to get future discounts. Yeah. The grieving process is unusual. They're expensive, those boxes. Coffins. Yeah.

Big fancy boxes. I don't know if you're allowed to. No, you are. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm making out of some bloody plywood. You got some plywood, didn't you? Yeah, some plywood. I could whip us up some boxes. Yeah, alright. Coffin workshop at your place. Yep.

Before he was my partner, he was my boss. Yeah. Before he was my partner, he was the uncle of a child I was teaching. Is this another? Oh, yeah. Okay. Getting into the old, how's your father? Before he was my partner, he was my best man at my first wedding.

Oh, so you were marrying someone, he was the best man. And then further down the track, the old switcheroo. Yeah. Well, he was the best man. Yeah, he was the best man. Before he was my partner, he was my childhood neighbour. Oh, that's cute. Before she was my partner, she was my hater and thought I was a massive douche.

You turned that around, I hope. Don't listen to the haters. Nah. That's what I say. Marry them. You're warning to myself in the mirror. Don't you listen to those haters. Marry them. Marry them. Yeah. Before they were my partner, they were the... Well, I actually... Save that for the podcast.

Save that for the podcast. Save that one for the podcast special. I'm actually stumbling through quite a few of them. Yeah. Hang on. Before he was my partner, he was my cousin's cousin. Yeah, that's okay. My cousin's.

Oh, you're on the other side of the family. Yeah, I'm on the other side of the family. My cousin's cousin. Before they were my partner, they were my IT guy on two separate occasions. Before they were my partner, they were my brother's colleague. That's okay. That's okay, yeah. Before he was my husband, they were my brother's colleague. That's okay. That's okay, yeah. Before he was my husband, he was my tenant.

Oh, inspection time. Landlord loving. Before they were my partner, they were my barista at work. Oh, my gosh. On behalf of my grandfather. Did you read this? Yeah, I did. I thought it needed some dissection, so I was going to save it for the podcast.

Okay, no, leave it. Leave it for the podcast. You've got to listen to the podcast. Tantalizing tease, Hayley Sproul. Oh, my God. All right, we will have an overflow podcast. Oh, this one's cute. Before he was my partner, I thought he was just going to be my rebound,

but it's so much more. Oh. Yuck. Yuck. Yuck. No, that is cute. You had the opportunity to go out there and just go crazy. Nah, good for you. That's cute.

Play. ZDM's Fletch Vaughan and Hayley. Fact of the day, day, of the day Olympics theme. Our fact of the day about the Olympics. Now I was sent this one in from Jess Cunliffe. Thank you, Jess. She says, Born, do you know American swimmer Michael Phelps

is the Olympics goat with 23 gold medals. If he was a country, he would be 40th in the all-time rankings for gold medals. Well, you guys have got just... We were speaking yesterday. Some countries don't even have a single medal. No. And then that's what spurred Jess to say if he was a country,

Michael Phelps would be the 40th highest ranking country of all time, including all the modern Olympics. Isn't that insane? What? Yeah. He is pretty amazing. 23 gold. And that's just in the gold medal.

So he's also got three silver and two bronze, one across five games. He's got how many medals? And only three of them are silver. Yeah. And only two of them are bronze. 26. That's insane.

28 medals and 23 of those medals are gold medals. Wow. Do you remember when it was a trend to try to eat Michael Phelps' diet? Yes, I was just thinking that. They'd always say, here's what he eats in a day, and it was like 800,000 calories. 8,000 calories, was it? Between 8, here's what he eats in a day, and it was like 800,000 calories. 8,000 calories, was it? Between 8,000 and 10,000 calories a day.

And it wasn't even like healthily distributed calories. Wasn't he smashing like whole pizzas at once? Oh, he was just hooning it. 8,000 to 10,000 calories a day. To put it in perspective, like most people would eat, adults would be like. 2,000 is what the healthy adults. Yeah, 2,000. Eat, right.

I don't know where it would go. I'd just be like constantly... He'd get up early, so he'd have a longer day. Yeah. He'd be training a lot, so you'd be burning a lot of energy. He'd still be pooping. Oh, yeah. Oh, my God.

The poops on Phelps. Like cow-sized poops. Yeah, I reckon he'd be pooping. Just shove him in the paddock. I reckon. The toilet can't handle it. No, because there's a lot of meat in it, and you don't want that floating around.

He's amazing. Who's come close to him? No one. Where's Simone at? Oh, no, because I was including she's got world records, sorry. Yeah, but Simone's, there's not as many gymnasts. He was doing 100 metres, 50 metres, 200 metres, 400 metres, medleys. There's so many swimming events.

So many things he could win at. That he just dominated in, and metres, 400 metres, medleys. There's so many swimming events. So many things he could win at. That he just dominated in. And that's why people, I've looked up Usain Bolt. He was the fastest man alive. Everybody knew who he was. Yeah. But he would only run the 100 metres. There's not as many running events as there were.

There's the 100 metre sprints, but he couldn't turn that into hurdles. He'd do part of the 4x100 relay, which he'd won medals for as well. That was also dependent on three other people. Feltz was just this unit. Second place for career medals is a Soviet gymnast, Larissa Latania, the winner of 18 medals. She was back in the

day, right? In the 50s and 60s. Won it all, like four disciplines. And then there's a Norwegian that's won 15 medals in various cross-country skiing events. Winter Olympics. That's Winter Olympics. With 15 medals. But isn't that insane?

He's just miles ahead. Leagues ahead of everybody. He's literally a walking upside down triangle. The shoulders on that guy. I haven't seen him lately. I mean, he's probably at these Olympics, right? Because he's such a- Oh, he's blown out.

He's blown out. How do you tone down from a 10,000 calorie diet back to a 2,000? Your stomach will be all like stretched and flabby like, fill me up. Yeah. Surely you'd still swim, right? Like for fun. I reckon you'd be sick of it. Yeah.

I don't want to see you, Paul. I've got to get another hobby. So today's fact of the day is that thanks to Jess who submitted it. Shannon just said his son won his first swim in a primary school. Oh, that's cute. Oh, my God. That's ridiculous. Nepo.

Yeah, imagine there was swimming sports and they're like, and in lane three, little Joey Phelps. And you're like, oh, why did I even bother coming? This is why I was thinking about it, because Michael Phelps gave Snoop Dogg a swimming lesson in France just the other day. Snoop Dogg was so skinny. So skinny.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. They jumped into a pool and did like a fun social media thing. Snoop Dogg's really like a high. He is the face of this Olympics. Yeah, why is he the full-blown face of the Olympics? Because he's the man. He's got a pin, and it's him smoking a joint and blowing the Olympic rings. Snoop D-O-double G.

And it's an official Olympics pin. Is he even French? Bonjour. For shizzle. Yeah, dude. Of course he's French. What are you talking about? Oh, of course. How did I forget? Famous French rapper from the LBC, Snoop Dogg. For shizzle.

For shizzle. For shizzle. For shizzle. Where, where, where? Where shizzle? So today's fact of the day, thanks to Jess, is that if Michael Phelps was his own country, he'd be the 40th most successful country for a gold medal haul in history. Fact of the day, day, day, day, day. My birthday's next Out of the three of us

What are we doing for your birthday? Are we having like a party? Michael, let's just sort of survive it, you know Be there for the three of us. What are we doing for your birthday? Are we having like a party or a dinner? Michael is just to sort of survive it, you know? Be there for the end of it. Okay. Not go home to bed at four. Yeah.

I don't know. It's on a lame day. I haven't got any plans actually. We should block it out. We'll block it out. We'll block it out. No, I'll make her something. I'll make her something. Yeah.

Okay. But I loved this. Saw this online. There is a woman who has given, I guess her pet peeve, or a bit of birthday etiquette. My biggest pet peeve is people ordering fajitas at birthday dinners. I think it's the most disrespectful thing that you could possibly do at somebody's birthday dinner.

Nine times out of ten, they're going to bring those fajitas out before anybody else's food, okay? Not only do they get brought out, they kind of get their own little celebratory bringing out. You're doing too much on my big day. I'd rather somebody show up late than order fajitas at my birthday dinner. Now, if you don't know, fajitas come out on those like sizzling hot plates.

Sizzling. Fajita platter. Roll. They roll. And there's always someone that's never seen a sizzling fajita hot plate. And they're like, oh my god, it's sizzling. Look at all the steam. Oh my god, listen to it. And there is a big fast

Oh, don't touch the plate, it's really hot. And it does come out sooner, right? Because it cooks so quick. And it keeps cooking in front of you. This is so funny to me. But I sort of get it, because as you say, there's such a kerfuffle when it happens. If you're the birthday person and you didn't order the fajitas,

you ordered a burrito and it's taking time because it's toasting on the grill and their fajitas come out early. And everyone's, you know, made a big scene. I know, and then a waitress goes like silently, like slips a burrito in front of you. You're like, it's about me. God, that makes me laugh. I would rather you turn up late than order fajitas at my birthday.

What if you turned up late but you rang ahead and ordered a fajita platter so you walked in late and as you walked in and everyone's like, hey, he's here, the fajita platter comes out and you're like, it's mine. Who ordered this? You're like, it's mine. I called ahead. Oh, that's genius. Yeah, that's double.

Don't do that on my birthday. I was going to say, when we have a birthday. We're going Asian. Okay. Just so we can't order any. Even though I love Mexican food, I can feel that both of you are going to order yourself the fajitas and I won't like it.

You can have a little bit. You can have a bite. Why don't you get a sizzling platter as well? If we're all getting sizzling platters. We're all getting sizzling platters. Okay. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley. Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley. Silly little pole.

Silly little pole. It is so silly, silly, silly. That silly little pole. Silly little pole. Silly little pole. Silly little pole. Silly Little Pole today is, does your wheeze smell after you've eaten asparagus? It does for some people, but yeah, it's not everybody.

It's a bit like how coriander, it tastes like soap to some people and not to others. Imagine having stinky wheeze and soap, Jane. Yeah. I know. Asparagus does it to me. Every time. Like, straight away, too. Like, you could have some.

I love asparagus. So apparently it's to do with the break. It's how it's digested and broken down. The acid, it contains byproducts, like sulfur. And so that's what you're smelling. It's like smelly egg farts or otorua thermal geysers. Yeah, right. And yeah, it's a sulfur byproduct. Interesting.

So depending on what study you read from the Cleveland Clinic Health Essentials. It's estimated that between 20% to 50% of people experience post-asparagus smelly wheeze. Oh my God, am I a minority? 20%. Finally, after all these years. For those that don't get to encounter the joy of asparagus pee, researchers believe the reason might be twofold. Everyone digests food differently,

and some people can break down the sulfur byproducts more efficiently. So you say you don't get smelly wheeze. This food isn't even touching the side of you, is it? This asparagus? No, I don't get smelly wheeze. It's like throwing asparagus down a hallway. Yeah. Wow.

And apparently some people can smell it better than others. It's a genetic factor that some people can smell it better than others. So does your wheeze smell after eating asparagus? 72% of respondents said yes. Oh, wow. So you know the minority, I'm afraid. Damn it. Okay.

28% said no, it doesn't. Emily, why would you eat asparagus when there's so many more better vegetables out there? No, I love asparagus. It's yum when it's like seared or like in a pan. Barbecue with some garlic and butter and some herbs. Or a Sperry Roll. A Sperry Roll's pretty bloody good. Soft though, completely different game though.

They've been boiled by that point. Oh, yeah, wouldn't it out of a can almost? Yeah. Vanessa said, yes, mine does, and I'm always surprised at the bowl when I smell it. What is that? What is that smell? Samantha says, no, mine doesn't. I'm not sure why, but it just doesn't.

Oh, wow. It's genetic. As Trish will jump in and tell you, Trish says it's genetic. Ancestry.com has traits offering now that shows you things you're genetically likely to have. What? Have you looked at this?

No. I meant to tell you it was when you guys were overseas. Oh, my God. I'm looking right now. Have I been downgraded from my... I'd remain the same. Okay... I'd remain the same. Okay, because you used to be quite Swedish and now I'm only 4% Swedish.

Oh, I haven't looked. Yeah, so under there now... As long as I'm not getting whiter. Was it 23... Did you say whiter? As we mentioned at the start of the show, we love a melting pot on the show. I'm the meltiest pot we've got.

Okay, whereabouts do I find this? In the app. Okay, it's loading. And you go across the traits. It's like one of the things down the bottom, there's like your DNA thing shows the spot. Okay, whereabouts do I find this? In the app. Okay, it's loading. And you go across the traits. It's like one of the things down the bottom that your DNA thing shows the map.

Okay. And I think it's because 23andMe started doing it and everyone was just in love with the traits. So some traits you get for free. Determination.

Mine was high. More adaptable. Heart rate recovery. Mine was higher than normal. I've got a good heart rate recovery. Physical strength, less. I'm more of a morning person.

Oh, I'm less likely to take the lead. I had less likely to take the lead too, and I just assumed it was because you and Sade were around. If you're not taking the lead, God, I don't want you to take the lead. Who is? This is not, this feels so off. I'm less physically, naturally strong. Yeah, me too.

Oh, this is bullshit. And less likely to be a leader and not disciplined. It's because you're predominantly English. Weak little bloody cold child. Yeah. Yeah, maybe. I always ignore all that. And then they want you to unlock 40 plus more traits and pay for it.

Get real. Like at least tell me I'm great at 10 things. I already spat in a tube and sent it to Ireland. I'm not doing it again. Yeah. Well, so Trish has opened up a world of sort of... Sorry for that sidebar there, but that's terrible. I'm still as brown, though.

I'm still as brown. Oh, I didn't check that, actually. Thank God. Facestub says, yes, mine stinks and I love it. Oh. That's an interesting take on it, isn't it? Yeah. Sarah, everybody's pee smells after eating asparagus.

It's just that some people can't smell it. Sarah, I was led to believe that was the case too, but I do the wheeze. I can't smell my own asparagus wheeze, but I can smell other people's asparagus wheeze. Have you smelled my asparagus wheeze? No, I haven't. No, I was just making sure.

I've never used the toilet after you've had asparagus. No, I'm 3% Swedish now, guys. It does feel invasive, doesn't it? That if I had smelt your asparagus wheeze, it's like... We got too close. Yeah. Why don't you guys talk anymore? I smelled her asparagus wheeze.

Stacey said, does anybody else's wheeze smell after popcorn? What? I've never sort of thought to sniff. Does popcorn make your wheeze smell? I mean, I suppose anything you eat and drink make your wheeze smell? I mean, I suppose anything you eat and drink makes your wheeze smell. I know that. Oh, no. Yeah.

I misspelt wheeze as weed. And then it's telling me how to get the smell of cannabis out of my home. Well, now you're in trouble with work. And Brooke says, yeah, mine stinks like you wouldn't believe. Well, now you're in trouble with work. And Brooke says, yeah, mine stinks like you wouldn't believe. Oh, Brooke! Story time. When I was in my early 20s, I made my girlfriend come and smell my pee. I was convinced

I had an STI and she'd given it to me. I'd been freaking out for weeks and she's like, you idiot. You've been eating asparagus because every salad I'd been eating had a strong portion of asparagus in it. Imagine this. You've been sleeping around? You've been sleeping around?

Sniff that wheeze. You sniff that wheeze. You come and sniff that wheeze and then you won't have to woo. You've been cheating on me. Who have you been betting? She's like, you've been having asparagus in your salads. You sniff that wheeze. Every day.

Oh, another podcast in the bag. The plastic bag. Are they back? No, no, still in the bag. The plastic bag. Are they back? No, no, still banned. Okay. They never left. No, sorry. That's where you come in with the line, boy.

Boy, man, if you enjoyed that. Okay. Oh, and if you enjoyed it, give us a rating and a review and be sure to tell all of your friends. God, I need some sleep. Yeah.