ZM's Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley - Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley's Big Pod - 1st February 2024

Episode Date: January 31, 2024

Vaughan's Midlife Crisis  Top 6: Recycling  What did you skip school for?  Producer Jared's Thrifty Valentines  Punny Local Businesses  Fact of the Day Day Day Day Daaaaay!See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

The ZM Podcast Network. The Fletch, Fawn and Hayley Big Pod. Grab any medium cafe hot coffee for just $4 only in the app. Ends Feb 9. Good morning, welcome to the show Fletch, Fawn and Hayley. It's two minutes past six. We can recycle empty pizza boxes today. Yeah, because none of us were doing that before.

Yeah, what have you guys been doing with yours till now? Binning. Binning. Well, because I knew that you weren't allowed to put those, because it was in the news every now and again, the pizza box thing, because they were too greasy. Too greasy. But do you still have to, like, any cheese?

Can you leave a bit of cheese on? You have to give it a scrape, right? Oh, okay. Give it a courtesy scrape. Courtesy scrape. Give it a courtesy scrape. Well, you're going to, see, I still don't know what a, what's a plastics five and a plastics seven and a plastics.

Well, most plastics have a little number, like, in it. It's quite hard to see. Dumbass. Yeah. Numbers aren't his strength. I was reading they were saying today, like, some, like, 25% of all recycling, I think this was in Auckland, was contaminated. Like, people chuck nappies in there. Yeah.

Oh, mate. Like, what a... As a person who regularly overflows their recycling bin and then borrows their neighbours along the street... And then has the audacity to give them judgement... We're not doing it right. No, we're not. I take my lovely washed and numbered recycling

and I walk down the street with it, depositing it in their things. Yeah, you have some, you have some, you have some. And then I look down the street with it, depositing it in their things. You have some, you have some, you have some. And then I look in their bins and go, oh, you can't recycle that. That's either the sign of someone who drinks too much or uses a lot of pickles and jams. Jads jams, is it?

Jams and pickles and preserves. She loves a jam. You do love it. You know me. You go through so much jam, so many pickles. I'm seldom without a jar of jam. Wow, you've got so much recycling every week. Every week.

Wow. Yeah. Okay. Big jars of pickles. Pickles, olives. Oh, yes. So many olives. Oh, my God.

Yogurts. It's not wine bottles. Oh, there's a couple of wine bottles. Right, but mostly that's used for cooking. Of course. Yeah, for cooking sake, your red wine for your ragus and whatnot. Of course. White wines for your orzo salads.

You're going to deal with the recycling in the top six, Vaughan Smith. Yes, I've got the top six things you can no longer recycle from today. Shall we talk next instead of the story we were going to talk about, your new midlife crisis we've just discovered? I have these more and more. It's just time is rapidly passing us all by and we can't slow it down

and it seems to be going faster. And even if I live to above average age of male New Zealanders, I'm over halfway. Why are you looking at life like this? I don't. I know, I know. But it also helps you be like, I've over halfway. Why are you looking at life like this? I don't. I know, I know. But it also helps you be like, I've got to make the most of today.

Oh, yeah. Well, today is. I personally think so. Today is the 1st of February. Yes. February, because there's an R in there. We always say February. Oh, it's like library.

Yeah. So today is the 1st of library, February. Library, February. And Vaughan has had a midlife crisis. Well, let's dive into it, I reckon. Yeah, something happened today. Three weeks today, I'm turning 42 years... Not three weeks today, three weeks the other day.

I'm turning 42 years old. Doesn't worry me. I liked turning 30. I really liked turning 40. We had a big party, didn't we? That was fun. That was a fun party. I told... You know, I did exactly what I really liked turning 40. We had a big party, didn't we? That was fun. That was a fun party. I told, you know, I did

exactly what I told her not to. Story of my life. A surprise party. It was nice. And it doesn't worry me. Like, age doesn't freak me out. But things that do freak me out is like how much time has passed. Yes. For example,

I must have gone through one of my early days of Facebook and put some like dates in. Right. Because today it's telling me that this day in 1995, 29 years ago, I started high school. Started high school. 1995.

That's crazy to think like 90s babies are like that old as well now. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Like someone that was a baby that was born the day I started high school is 29 years old now. And then this is, I do this all the time at home and Shada is like, stop doing that. If you take the time from 1995 till now, 29 years, and then go back the other way.

Don't do that. No, don't do that. 29 years before 1995 go back the other way. Don't do that. 29 years before 1995. Yeah. 1966. Dude, I saw that on Instagram. The current young generation think about the 90s the way we thought about the 60s. Yes.

And I was like, no, they don't. They think about the 60s the way that we think about the 60s because the 60s. It was like ages ago. 30 years ago. My oldest daughter singing the Kimber and Godier song, someone that I used to know, is the equivalent of me singing Aha, Take On Me. Why do you do this to yourself?

I constantly think about this song. They were singing a song the other day. There must be a 90s song that's blowing up on TikTok. It's not Murder on the Dance Floor, which they have sung. Yeah. Because that came out 10 years before Indie was born. So that would be the equivalent of me singing a song from

1972. Yeah. Like, I just can't stop thinking in that way. Yeah. Like, oh. Yeah. Like, my grandmother's at me and my grandmother's age, she was, like, one year off having a grandchild. She was a young grandma. My mom was not, like, a super teenage, young teenage mom.

Are you just having a midlife crisis? It's not. I just, I can't grasp time. Time blows my mind. This is a midlife crisis. It is. Are you going to buy a new Jimny? A year can fly by. Yes. That's definitely how I celebrate my mind. This is a midlife crisis. It is. Are you going to buy a new chimney? A year can fly by in a...

Yes. That's definitely how I celebrate my... A red convertible chimney. Yeah. Definitely not 5'4". That's not midlife crisis. I know what you mean by time though because I was like,

it's the new year. And then yesterday I was like, we're a 12th of the way through. Yeah. And at the end of this next month we'll be a 6th of the way through. Yeah. And then a quarter of the way through. Yeah. And at the end of this next month, we'll be a sixth of the way through. Yeah. And then a quarter of the way through.

Then you're like, wow, time does go fast. And a year can fly by, but a week can feel like it took forever. Yeah. A morning can crawl. Yes. But then it's June. Yeah. Well, happy 1st of February.

Yeah. You started school. Yeah. And if you're starting school today. Nine years February. Yeah. You started school. Yeah. And if you're starting school today. Nine years ago. Yeah. If you're starting high school today, in the blink of an eye, you are going to be 42 years old.

My parents saying drink it while it's fizzy. That's a great saying. That's their little life saying. Yeah, I know. Although I do prefer a flat Coke, which people find really weird. That's so weird. I love a flat. It's more sort of the champagne of life.

Oh, champagne. Drink it while it's fizzy. Yeah, that's a good saying. And you know my parents love the Terps. You do have any Asti Riccadona? Champagne's a bit rich for me. Yeah. I just prefer a sweeter drop.

Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley. Okay, we're talking about... You were just talking about ageing and grasping there. I was thinking about ageing yesterday as well. Thinking perhaps a trip to Turkey in a few years might be... Line that one up. Yeah, right.

I've got sunburnt, sunburnt my boobies. I was doing another little topless session just to get a kiss. You were warned. I know. You went too long.

Just to get a kiss. Do you know why? It's because last summer we just didn't get outside and I was like, I just wanted... Well, the North Island didn't. A lot of the South Island had a great summer

I know but I've been overdoing it and then I burnt my chest with women we get an old wrinkly chest and that's the real sign that you're aging and blah blah blah anyway so there was a article I was reading about these

Sephora kids Sephora kids, they're young people. We mentioned it before. They're so into skincare. Oh yeah, I've got a couple of them. My kids at Gen Alpha are skin obsessed. Skin obsessed. Is it because of TikTok they're like, well we've got to have a routine now?

It's so many things. Yes, because all the celebs that they love, they all share their skincare routines. Get ready with me's and whatnot. And then there's the whole marketing of brands like Sol de Janeiro which is like, you've got to have the perfume.

That smells nice. I know it's nice. I always say, what is this smell? Sol de Janeiro. I mean we had Impulse. Impulse Spice Girls Edition. If you were lucky if once it ran out

as a joke one birthday I gave my brother Spice Girls impulse did you he never used it he kept it as like a souvenir

oh my god it'll be worth a lot of money now has he still got that somewhere in the attic it'll be somewhere oh my goodness unless Christine threw it out she famously just does

have a clean out and just literally bins everything wow bins your childhood I think she binned his Hannah from S Club 7 collector's edition doll. What a bing. My brother had a real thing for blonde girls in pop groups.

Yeah, I bet. And then he married one. So he had a type. I had a Spice Girls impulse can and once I accidentally sprayed it into my mouth. That wouldn't taste good. Being an idiot. And then my best friend was convinced I would die so she sprayed it in her mouth

we sat in the cupboard and waited to die together it was like a pact that's a best friend she was like well if you go I'll go oh my god that's why we're still besties

isn't that sad sitting in a cupboard at like nine years old being like well at least we'll go together we've lived and then I think eventually

my mum was like are you girls coming out for dinner and we were like oh I guess we survived but like marketing all these skincare brands have got this like cute marketing, like Drunk Elephant and whatnot. And then finally

I kind of read an article, because all these brands are kind of being angling towards these young people, because they're making tons of money out of them. Then I finally read this article with lots of dermatologists coming out and being like, not only is this like not needed, like you don't need to be preventing wrinkles at the age of nine.

It's actually like quite harmful because I relate this to like my version of like skinniness, right? Like it was all about skinny and diet culture. So when you were young, you had to like diet. Now I'm like, these kids are going to grow up and like the moment they get their first wrinkle, they're going to panic and just be like, this isn't right. Or they'll be able to get Botox. Yeah.

Keep that at bay for a little bit. But it's the parents that are buying it for them. I know. Because the products that contain retinol, which is one of the most anti-wrinkle products, dermatologists are like, you absolutely don't need to use that. It's actually quite harmful for your skin. It's a really strong, sometimes I'll get a bit of burn if I'm using it every day. You get a little retinol burn.

And then Mecca, finally, I was like, this is good for Mecca actually. I mean, I know it's a marketing angle being like, we're taking the high ground.

But they're obviously making a lot of money out of this and they come into being like, young people, like teenagers in particular, you just need a clean face and sunblock. That's it.

All you need to do is keep a clean face because of acne more than ageing and put some sunblock on. And thank God they said that. And dermatologists are just like, hey parents, look for these products. So if you are a parent of a young person, what are they, like eight

and above that are doing this now? It's crazy. Google the products kids shouldn't be putting on their skin. My wife. Very nice. Ordered some stuff from America that you can't get here. Yeah. For the girls for Christmas.

Right. Hello, is that a brand? Or Bubbles? I don't know. Some stupid name. Or Bubble Bath. I used that. I used that.

I used that. I used that. I used that. I used that. I used that. I used that. I used that. I used that.

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I used that. I used that. I used that. I used that. I used that. I used that. G.I. Joe bubble bath. For a Ninja Turtle, you'd take the head off and pull the bubble bath in. And my sister's daughter saw it and was just like, would you get that for me? And my kids were like, Smeagol.

They were like, my precious. No. I was just like, all this over a tin of something? Like, this is crazy. Well, I hope you're going to be there for their first wrinkle because it sounds like it's going to be some kind of quarter-life crisis. Just get them some cute-looking sunblock and tell them it's skincare and put it on. Well, the world's longest cruise, it's 274 days.

It's priced at £47,000 a person. So that's what, 90... Just under a hundy? Just under $100,000 New Zealand dollars. It has been hijacked by TikTokers, influencers. Are they paying to be there or would they like to promote it? No, I think they just went on it

because they thought this could be content and it is. It's become this. I follow a few people that are like, follow me as I spend nine months on a cruise ship. Today is a day in the life on a cruise ship. And it apparently there is all kinds of drama now. Producer Shannon at the social media desk, you went on a cruise ship. And apparently there is all kinds of drama now. Producer Shannon at the social media desk,

you went on a cruise. She is our cruise ship correspondent. Give her her proper title. You went on the cruise ship at Christmas. Yeah, I did a week, so I'm clearly qualified. Yeah, you made friends

with all the old dudes. I scoffed at cruises. We did one at the end of last year and I enjoyed it far more than I thought I was going to. Yeah, you're the greatest. You did the Disney one. I did the Disney one, yeah.

Mickey Mouse was the captain. So you've been following... I got a hell of a job for a mouse. Yeah. You've been following the dramas on this world's longest cruise. Yeah. Not only the influencers on it, but also some of the staff, which has been really interesting. Oh, I wouldn't have thought they would have been allowed to talk about it.

Yeah, no. And because basically how the cruise ships tend to work is all the rooms are on the outside, so everyone has a window and a balcony, and then there's like a fake inside, and then there's the crew. So the crew rooms are kind of hidden in the walls of the... Oh, trapped in the walls of a boat for 200 days. You don't get a view of the ocean,

because that's what the passengers get. No. Well, not everyone everyone though, eh? Because there's crew and then your partner worked as an entertainer and you got quite a nice room. Yeah, we were lucky except one lady was very disappointed to know that we had a window. She thought we didn't deserve it.

Okay, so she had a window but she just didn't want you to have one. Yeah, well, I mean, I was super free. Your window didn't cost her a window. She just didn't want you to have a window. Yeah she... Well, I mean... It's not like your window didn't cost her a window. She just didn't want you to have a window. Yeah. She had a window. Yeah.

She had a balcony. She paid for the window. She had a balcony. And this woman, he has just strolled in because her boyfriend's a magician. And she gets a window. He just magicked a window.

So what's happening? Because I heard someone got pregnant and had to leave. Yeah, so there's quite strict rules. I think it's at 21 weeks or so they get kicked off. It's a very strict... Oh, because I suppose you could theoretically give birth...

Yeah, and then... ...in international... In international waters. Where's your baby born? I don't know. I think it's not good. And also, there is a little hospital on board, but they're not equipped to deal with childbirth,

and if there was any complications... Yeah, it's just heart attacks from old people. Yeah, and they have had a lot of old people scooted off on day three and an old man hurt his back and he was off. So what happens if you die on a cruise ship? There's a morgue. There was a morgue on my ship. It's like long-haul flights.

And cruise ships have to have facilities to cold store you. Store a couple of bodies. Talking to the crew on the one I was on, they said at least one person dies every single cruise. What? Jesus. What? They said at least, they've had cruises where about five or six oldies die. Well, just because, yeah, it's the average age is older.

It's older. And there's lots of drinking and luscious eating. Oh, yeah. Even I was falling down, you know? Yeah. But people are glued to these videos, the TikToks and all the reels and stuff because it's like a reality show.

Like, they should have a crew on board. Oh, it's so entertaining. And because now, it took a while, but all the influencers kind of doing their own thing. Now they're collabing and they're like meeting up with each other. Yeah, I see that stuff. Yeah, it kind of feels like a reality show.

You're rooting for all these people. And like, they went to a gala the other night in Peru, I think it was. It's gorgeous. Literally going all over the world. I would feel a bit trapped, I think. I've never been on a cruise ship. You do get off quite often, though. I would as well

if we had a way to pass the time. Play ZM's Fletchford and Ailey. Play ZM. From the self-driving ZM think tank, this is the top six. Hello. You said all of New Zealand. I thought this was just Auckland. No. The recycling rules have changed.

No, all of New Zealand. A whole country. I just thought Auckland was leading the charge on this one. No. No, we shouldn't be leading anything. That's the blind leading the blind, isn't it? I'm very I'm proud of my parents. They recycle a lot and they don't have a bin that gets picked up at the end of

their driveway. They have to take it somewhere. Yeah, a lot of people in rural areas and small towns do have a little station. And the other half just burn it. On fire. Or dig a hole. Yeah, dig a hole and put it the other half just burn it. On fire. Or dig a hole. Yeah, yeah, dig a hole and put it in there and then set it on fire. So from today, there's a standardised recycling programme

which will be implemented across the country and that means that there'll be national standards, meaning that certain things can no longer be recycled. And one or two things that we were not supposed to be recycling have been sent back in. It used to be that each council would be like, yes, no, that can be, that can't be. Or this number. Most of them

was just like one and two, right? Which is your hard, sturdy solid plastics. Yes. Could or couldn't be. Or could be. Could be. And now they're all like, no caps. No cap. No cap.

They're popping off. No cap. No caps is no cap. Our recycling is busted. So from today, glass bottles and jars, paper and cardboard, plastic bottles, trays and containers that are one, two and five. Yeah. And aluminium and steel tins and cans are the only things that will be recycled.

Tin foil. Not tin foil. Sturdy is the name of the game. Okay, right. Because they're wanting to reduce the amount of soft, useless stuff that's being recycled so that the stuff that's being recycled is actually then usable.

Right. No point in recycling it and then it just sits as a new matter to ruin our earth. So things that you can't put in, am I going to ruin your list, or is it a silly list? It's a silly list.

Silly list. Aerosol cans. What are you supposed to do with those? Serious question. I know, bin. Fly spray. All of those, yeah. Juice boxes.

Beverage cartons. They won't be allowed in your recycling. Your use boxes. I guess because they have a lining in them. Yeah, I think they do. That'll be your soft. An aluminium foil tracer a no-no, while the lids that are banned as well now will be...

Yes, so like beer... All lids will now be banned. Great English review. When you pop a lid on a beer, they can't be recycled. Wine bottle caps can't be recycled. So take those off. When you take a wine cap off and it's still got a little bit of a metal collar on the bottle?

Yeah, I don't know. Do they take care of that or should we be taking that off? I know it's the same matter. It's the same matter as the lid. What are you going to do though? Burn it off? Cut it off? It's always pretty thin metal.

Well, good. But I don't know. We should all be making the highest effort. Absolutely, because of Fletch. I've peeped into your bin. Some of the councils just put it all in the landfill. Look, I've finished many a bottle inside your apartment and opened up your recycling

bin. Thames needs to be good for something though. Thames is not pulling its weight since the gold rush ended. I don't think Thames or Thames. Nice to give them a purpose. It's nice for them to hold all of our recycling when China don't want to buy it.

They've got all those gold, all those old gold things that need to be filled up too. Fill them up with juice boxes. Yeah, the mines, the vertical mines, the mine shaft. We should be filling up

the mines with our trash. And then gangs have been throwing dead bodies down there for years. It'd be nice to give the dead bodies some company, you know, plastics and such. Top six things

you can no longer recycle in New Zealand. Number six, nuclear waste. What am I meant to do with all this nuclear waste? How much nuclear waste is your house making? Well, the dirty bombs I'm making. We're not on here, are we? Oh, yeah, we are. No, we're just chatting as mates.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I thought so. This is my podcast. Do you guys want to top up of your wine or are you all right? Nuclear waste. Number five on the list of the top six of your wine or are you all right? Nuclear waste. Number five on the list of the top six things you can no longer recycle in Auckland. Old people. What?

The council wants me to pay for a funeral now? Oh, my God. Man, there's something jammed. I've been jamming grants in the bin for months. You've got to get them in the recycle bin early before rigor mortis sets in. Yeah. Otherwise, you'll never shut the lid. Yeah.

Yeah, you won't. They need to be malleable. Or you're going to have the grim task of having to cut them in half. Oh, I know. God, been there once. Fool me once, shame on me. And a really duller blade. Anyway, number four on that was grim.

And I think some people will be like, they took it too far with that one. Number four on the list of the top six things you can no longer recycle in Auckland. The gross food that your kids made while they were on holiday and they were like, I want to bake something. But they're terrible at it. So you had to get rid of it, but you can no longer recycle in Auckland. The gross food that your kids made while they were on holiday and they were like, I want to bake something, but they're terrible at it, so you

had to get rid of it, but you can't put it in the bin because they'll check. Yeah. Yeah. Number three on the list of the top six things you can no longer recycle in New Zealand. Old paint. Just pour it in there. I mean, what am I meant to do with all this old paint? I've just been pouring it in. Yeah, we've just been keeping it

for years to come. Anybody that has a house has a few tins of old paint. Oh, yeah. Yeah, we've just been keeping it for years to come. Anybody that has a house has a few tins of old paint. Oh, yeah. Yeah, get rid of it. Number two on the list of the top six things you can no longer recycle in Auckland, fish frames. What am I meant to do with all these stinky fish frames that are making my house stink? Fish frames. It's what you call a fish once you've skinned it.

No, you call it a fish frame. No, you don't. It's a fish skeleton. No, it's a fish. It's a fish frame. No, you don't. It's a fish skeleton. No, it's a fish... It's a fish frame. No, it's not. You call it fish frames. No one ever calls it a fish frame.

My dudes, please shut your mouth. If you Google fish frames, you get a whole bunch of picture frames of fishes on it. Yeah, it's called fish frames. It's called a skeleton. You say fish bones or a skeleton. No, once you've filleted them and taken everything you want off of it, it's called fish frames. No one says that, Vaughn. They do. Everybody says that., it's called fish frames. No one says that, Vaughn. They do.

Everybody says that. So embarrassing from you. No one says that. People who fish. Oh, but Jared's nodding. He's from South Africa. Stop trying to make fish frames happen. And we call it fish frames back here, bruv.

Come on, get on board. No, people won't know. People are probably up nice and early now on their way to their boat ramp. You've got to get to the boat ramp. No. How to use fish sheds and fish frames.

Yeah, you use fish frames to make stock. That's not a thing. Next, next. Fish frames. Thank you to the text messages that are flowing in. They're all from South Africa.

It's 100% fish frames. They've all lost their minds. And when he sees all the text, there's two. And how many are anti saying it's not called fish frames? Zero. You call them fish bones. 100%. Don't call fish frames? Zero. You call them fish bones.

100%. You don't call them frames. You call them fish frames. That's so stupid. You call them fish frames. Please just keep texting in. Lucy Wymer who works in the office. Lucy's on with you.

They're called fish frames. No, they're not. Lucy knows nothing. I've wanted to say that for years and finally I can say it. Fish frames. Fish frames. Fish frames. Okay, number one. And you bury them under plants.

Great fertilizer, but you can no longer put them in your recycling bin. And number one on the list of the top six things you can no longer recycle in New Zealand are your trimmed pubes. What am I supposed to do with them? Stomp them down the plug. Finger them down the plug hole. Didn't Shannon say you're supposed to feed them to your birds or something? You're supposed to take them outside so the birds can make a pube nest.

Imagine growing up, you're born in a pube nest. Oh, no. Someone said, I live on the East Coast. I've never heard one of the bros say, hey, cuz, do you want some fish bones? It's fish frames. Is it? I'm not even a fisherman. A fisherman.

I love that someone said a fisherman. And I know they're called fish frames. They're called fish frames. I've never heard that before in my life. Now I've said it so many times, it's lost all meaning. Oh yeah, it has. That is today's top six. Now, this is a weird topic because it's going around,

it's kind of gone viral, this advice from a WINS manager, but it's a pretty horrible situation. Yeah. And, I mean, we've all popped into WINS, haven't we, for a little bit of a financial foot up at times. Yeah, I was working for free at a radio station. Me too. Getting valuable experience without pay.

I did a lot of free theatre work. Got the WINS, got the benefit, then got the job where I worked for free. And wins kept ringing them saying, can you start paying him? And they were like, nah. Because you guys are. You guys are paying him and we're getting free labour. So this seems like a great deal for us. And wins were like, no.

I went on wins three times. Well, I tried for the third. I went on the wins straight out of drama school. And then I think I got a job and I came off it. And then I went back wins three times. Well, I tried for the third. I went on the wins straight out of drama school and then I think I got a job and I came off it and then I went back on it. And then I tried to go on a third time and they called me in for a meeting. I was like, here we shall be signing the deal

and I should get my $400 or whatever it was. And then my, what do they call them? Caseworker. I sat down and she slammed a woman's day in front of me and it was a picture of me and I was promoting my comedy fest show, which by the way, cost me a lot of money and I made no money.

And she said, wow, it looks like you won't be needing the benefit. And I was like, do you know how entertainment works? There is no money in this. She was like, hmm, famous, are we? In her mind, she thinks you've got a million dollars for being in Women's Weekly. Because you were probably the page after Nikki Watson.

Yeah, of course. So I was denied the benefit for the third time. I can't believe they called you in for a special meeting. I know, to slam a magazine down. Yeah. Okay, so this is worse. This has gone global. This was in UK News.

Oh, shoot. Got to take my hat off to a guy, the guy who was trying to get the benefit and in a better situation. He's 47 years old. He's been in prison for two years for drug supply. He said, I'm trying to turn my life around. I had a broken marriage.

Everything was bad for me. I guess the old saying is you've got to hit rock bottom before you start your way back up. This guy sounds like he's hit rock bottom and he's doing his best to work his way back up. He's passed three drug tests since he left prison. Well, the benefits there to help people that need it. And that's it.

He's done his time. Absolutely. What he was saying was he was put into a boarding house, which he said he was surrounded by people doing drugs. And he said, when you're trying to get away from drugs, being surrounded by it obviously is pretty bad. If you've ever tried to like, I'm going to be sober for a month, you don't go to the party where everyone's guzzling booze, do you're trying to get away from drugs, being surrounded by it obviously is pretty bad. If you've ever tried to, like, I'm going to be sober for a month, you don't go to the party where everyone's guzzling booze, do you? No. If you're trying to shred, you don't go to the cake factory.

And there I was at the cake factory. There I was. How did I get here? Just at the end of the look. Can babe out of cakes. Just, um, um, um. Back on the cake habit, man. You know I love a little bit of cake. So the phone call with – he recorded the phone call with his case manager,

and that's the thing that's gone viral. He basically said, I'll be up front with you. Can I be up front with you? Where are we going to put people with prison records? Where do you think I can put you with your prison record? If you come to me for accommodation, I'll put you in a boarding house. You want to go back to prison? You want to go back to prison? Do you? Do you want to go back to prison? You want to go back to prison?

Do you? Do you want to go back to prison? No? So shut up then. You're the one that's complained about the lodge. You're one person. I'll put 40 people there.

You can't be fussy. I'm going to tell you straight. You cannot be fussy. Look at yourself. Look at your record. Blah, blah, blah. It goes on and on. I'm going to end this conversation.

You're annoying me, okay? You know you're actually annoying me. You know what? Go rob a bank. See how know what? Go rob a bank. See how you feel. Go rob a bank. For someone that is trying their best to effectively rehabilitate themselves.

It could be the same person that saw you in Woman's Wake. Feels like the choosing of the person that slammed down the manager. I'm not saying being a WINS case manager would be easy either. No. They do a lot of good stuff as well. It's not all case workers. And it's one rotten egg in the basket.

Not getting fired, eh? 100%. Oh, they're not on the air. 100%. Look at yourself. Look at yourself. You look at yourself. The dude's living in his car

as an alternative to living in the boarding house. Do you know what he should do? He should go rob a bloody bank. You know? And then be like, well, I'm sorry, the government told me. The government told me. They told me I had to go as an alternative to living in the boarding house. Do you know what he should do? He should go rob a bloody bank, you know, and then be like, well, I'm sorry the government told me. The government told me. They told me I had to go and do a course on how to use a chainsaw

and then he told me to rob a bank. So I just... Us following instructions. Two and two together. Oh, well, good luck to him. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley. There's a high school in Brisbane, Australia, in Queensland called Wynnum State

High School and they sent an email to the parents of students about to sit their year 12 exams. Year 12 exams, quite important. Yep. Because is year 12 where you get your UE? You can get it then and then you're

all good to go. But wait, they're about to do exams. They've only just started. Oh, no, sorry. It's a block. They call it an exam block. So maybe they split theirs up. Right, okay. Like that, an exam block.

It starts on February 27th and goes till March 1st, this block of exams for year 12s. And they sent an email with their concerns about the number of students who will be travelling interstate to go and see Taylor Swift. To either Sydney or Melbourne. To either Sydney or Melbourne. And then whether or not, one, they'll get back in time

to start the block because her shows in, oh, which one is it? Between February 23rd and February 26th. So they would be missing exams. They'd be missing it. And they seem to think being like, Honestly, I don't think people would care. Like they're that big of fans.

I'll just redo year 12. I'll just redo it. Just to see Taylor Swift. What, am I missing this? Yeah. So they kind of were like, Look, there's enough of you that it's of concern to us. And they're thinking about even shifting those exams a week in order for people to get back and be well rested. Wow.

After going to the Errors Tour. Like, that's major. Just shifting a whole sort of slab of education. Not only like changing and boosting economies, she's changing exam schedules. She's so influential. Yeah. But I reckon if they don't do it,

the kids are still going to go. As you say, they'll just skip school to go to Taylor Swift. Of course you would. I used to skip school for less things than like one of the biggest moments in cultural history. Yeah. I think.

To hang out with my boyfriend. Have a little bit of a cultural history. Yeah. I think. To hang out with my boyfriend. Have a little bit of a fun time. Yeah. I want to know what you skipped school for. Well, because you know what? You always see like sports games, like cricket games. You always see like school kids at cricket games. You're like, how did you get out of school?

They just leave. Hell yeah. But then they get busted on TV. Yeah, I know. I remember skipping high school with a massive group of, like, it would have been so obvious that, like, 10 of these girls weren't there to go to one of the Lord of the Rings premieres in town.

Is that because Orlando Bloom was on the red carpet? They were in the embassy. Wearing a Huffer t-shirt. Yeah, I think I was into Orlando at that time. I think I was. Now he's, what, quite white and clean. Yeah, white. He's so white.

He would be one of the whitest guys. He's for Zane, whitest guy. Yeah. It all stacks up. Is he still with Katy Perry? Yeah. That's very white. That's a white guy's thing to do.

That would be a white guy. If a white guy got to pick someone, they'd be like, oh, that Katy Perry. Yeah. Yeah. You know, just a night, the butter chicken of musicians. Yeah, absolutely. I believe producer Carween, that Katy Perry. Yeah. Yeah. You know, just a night, the butter chicken of musicians. Yeah, absolutely. I believe producer Carween, you skipped school. Yeah, there was a time where Sticky TV.

Can you hear that? She still sounds like guilty. Yeah. There was a time. There was a time when. Not even Catholic. Yeah, I know. I'm riddled with guilt.

So there was a time where Sticky TV, famous New Zealand show, was doing a tour of the country with like a little karaoke van and you could like win a bunch of prizes and stuff. And my friends and I wanted to do it. You know, we thought we could sing. You skipped school to go to a Sticky TV karaoke van. Sticky TV event.

Yeah, Fletch, I could have been on TV. Wow. What song did you sing? Can't Fight the Moonlight. Can't fight the moonlight. Oh, my God. Well, that works, though, right? Because that's from Coyote Ugly.

Yes. And that whole story was about a young girl. She went and moved to the city, didn't she? Yes, she did. Her father found out what she was doing. He was a bit disappointed. He was. So I can see why you wagged, girl, to disappoint your parent.

Yeah. Did you get caught? No, she knew. Oh, wow. Yeah, all of our parents were all good about it. But it was just school? Yeah, school wasn't. Yeah, right. Okay. I don't remember wagging for a specific event. Sometimes we'd just leave.

That's wagging. For a bit. In seventh form. Yeah, totally. You just kind of leave for a bit Because you add a bit more freedom You might go get some fish and chips Or something I skipped school to go to like A couple of military tattoos

Because they were like long trips I did in Edinburgh While I was still at school And Basel and stuff But we used to always tell the school That the tattoo lasted longer Because I'd like to tack on A little bathelona at the end

Right You know what I mean Come home darling Via Paris Of. Via Paris. Of course. Take your long way home. What about when artists and bands were in the country like One Direction back in the day?

You saw the lines outside the hotel where they were staying. On a school day. On a school day. Did you leave school to stalk some celebrities, to go to a concert? What was it? 0800 DALES at M. We want to take your calls now.

You can text her as well. 9696. What did you skip school for? Where'd you go? What was the event? Play ZM's Fletch Vaughan and Hayley. Play ZM. We want to know what you skipped school for

because there is a school school considering moving some exams, it's their final year exams, to accommodate Taylor Swift. Knowing that if they don't do it, those students that are going to Taylor Swift are just going to skip anyway. Half the students will be making their way back from Sydney or Melbourne.

Yeah, exactly, to get back to Brisbane and they'll just skip their exams. Kelly, what did you skip school for? I skipped school to go to their free Aqours concert at ATS Square. Oh, my God. Which was the 1999 Taylor Swift, really. Yeah, it was.

Absolutely. It was. What did they open with, Dr Jones or Barbie Girl? You know, I don't remember. I just remember getting horrifically sunburned. Oh, yeah, well, ATS Square, I don't remember. I just remember getting horrifically sunburned. Oh yeah, well A&T Square, no sunshade. Did they even have more than two songs then to

play? Or did they just play two songs? They had Cartoon Heroes. They had Dr. Jones. They had Barbie Girl. Wow, you're very offended. That was my first album I ever bought was Aqua. Kelly, thank you. Elizabeth, what did you skip school to do? I skipped school to meet Princess Diana.

Oh! You do that. Worth it. The people's princess. Must be nice. Cheers to Princess Diana. Yeah, cheers to Princess. So where did you meet her?

In Wellington. But, like, just you, or did you wave at her? No, I shook her hand, and she said it was lovely to meet me. Oh, wow. What year are we talking? Early 90s? Yeah, early 80s. Wow.

They were married. Prince William was one. I was going to say this was... Yeah. Yeah, he came with them for the tour. Wow. How old were you at the time, Elizabeth? I was 15. I was in the fifth form.

My mum gave me permission to go and I lined the streets of Wellington with most of the rest of Wellington. And Prince Charles was coming down the side I was on and I kept saying, I want her to come over to the side and she did.

And I shook her hand and I looked saying, I want her to come over to the side, and she did. You did it. And I shook her hand, and I looked at her beautiful ring. Oh, my God. I would have pinched it. Oh, she was all beautiful in real life. I bet she was. Because I went when Wills and Kate came. Yes.

And that was very exciting. I do, yeah. Elizabeth, wow, thank you for sharing. Named after the queen, too. Yeah, Jenna, what did you skip school to do? Hi, guys. I skipped school to go and see True Bliss. Oh, my God, I went, wow.

That would have been the same time as like Aqua, right? Like that was 1999, early 2000s? The True Bliss girls have been posting about it recently because it's like the anniversary of their tour, that tour. Must have been 25 years. Yeah. Wow. Well, look, we all went from Wellington Girls College.

We had to catch a train out to Porirua. We had to buy the single because that's all they had at the time. We got some signs. We got hugged. We thought it was so cool. Oh, my God. You should have seen Hayley's face when you said Wellington College. Oh, Wellington Girls.

I went to Queen Margaret's just up the road. I went to Queen Margaret's for a short time too. Yeah, because your parents realised that Wellington Girls was trash and so they tried to fix it. No, it was the other way round. I felt it. I felt it. And you know, Jenna sounds more of a rounded

She's got both sides of things. I know. I am pretty well-rounded Hayley, but one of the things that I found at Queen Margaret's College is that the girls are just really snobby and rude. Yeah, we are. We work with one. She's a bitch. Yeah, I know.

I'm absolutely a bitch. Total bitch. And better than everyone. It's so nice to meet someone so well-rounded and grounded. It's nice to have another publicly schooled individual join us on the show. A piece of trash to join us. Jenna, thank you.

Some messages in what you skipped school for there's a couple that won't be read out because they sound like they're pending legal issues

oh my god don't you read it out 287 I skipped school to get Dan Carter to sign his book for my dad's birthday present oh that's nice

he's a good man we skipped the afternoon of school to go paintballing we would have got away with it but one of my dumb mates was showing off and he crashed his car on the way back, so the school found out. We still play paintball, though, so that was pretty fun. Yeah.

In the early 90s, the boys from my school, Burnside High, went to a cricket game and held up a big sign that said, We're the Burnside Bunkers. Oh, yeah, nice. And it got on TV? It was shown on TV for a long period of time. Oh, my God. And the school was furious.

Got a copy of the footage from the TV station back in the day. Of course, you wouldn't have just been able to find it on YouTube. Yeah. And had it up in the staff room so they could identify the pupils and when they found each one of them, it crossed them off. Oh, my God. Like they were the Al-Qaeda most wanted or something. Yeah.

Convinced my entire friend group and everybody's parents, or lied to the parents, to skip school to go to Rambo's Inn because there was less lines on a school day. That is smart. That's so good. You can't be mad at that.

No. Skipped school in 2013 to go to an Ed Sheeran concert. He was at the ZM studio in Wellington. We waited outside and got to meet him and got a photo with him. So that was pretty worth it.

That's good stalking. That's great stalking. Good stalking. Skipped school in seventh form 2008 to go to the big day out. School had started the big day was always

the third Friday of January. Yeah. And it was always on the weekend, right? No, it was always Friday. It was Fridays. That's right. The word that I said Friday

that's not a weekend. Oh, I only did four day week at Queen Margaret's. Oh, that'd be right. Valentine's Day, 13 days away. It's also coincidentally the day that the season two of your podcast comes out. Six Dot Life.

On Valentine's Day. Well, producer Jared's going to give us some hot tips on how to save us some money. Leading up to Valentine's Day. Well, Producer Jared's going to give us some hot tips on how to save us some money on Valentine's Day. You came in to work this morning with us, hot tip, Producer Jared. Fuck. Yep. Sorry, one sec. Oh, we're just, are we dealing with some winners? Put them on hold.

Put them on hold. Who cares? They're in the draw. They can wait. Wait there, Sky. Wait there. It's because Sky's hysterical. They can't get a word out of her.

While they're waiting to do this, what are you guys planning for Valentine's Day? Are you spending it with us? I've been strong-armed into coming to your little event to launch season two of Sex.Life. Got you. I've actually sort of inadvertently got you into taking Sade out on a date.

Stoked about that. Now, Jared, you are on a money-saving scheme. Yes. Yeah, it just have to be in 2024. That cares not for that scheme. She cares about the scheme. It's just we haven't had, like like too many dates recently. So we're thinking we probably should. So we

decided to book something into Valentine's Day. But you live together and it's only you. Every day's a date. Shut up. I hate that. I hate that. We haven't been on a date for ages. We literally hung out yesterday. Every day's a date. We went out for dinner at home yesterday. Yeah, dude.

What a hot date. We tried to book at quite home yesterday. Yeah, dude, what a hot day. We tried to book at quite a posh restaurant on V-Day, but it's not happening. Right. Is it because they hike their prices on V-Day or is it already booked out? Already booked out. You don't say V-Day because I keep thinking you mean Victory Day. Victory Day.

Back on my woodwork. I thought we were talking about Vaughan's birthday, which is also V-Day. That's also V-Day. The day you lose your virginity. That's V-Day. That's also V-Day. The day you lose your virginity. That's V-Day. Wow, fingers crossed. Yeah.

Look at me. My 42nd birthday will be the day. Yeah, Valentine's Day. So you couldn't get into the posh restaurant? No, couldn't do it. So we decided to postpone it and do it closer to payday. So we're doing it at the end of February now. Wow.

So your hot tip for Valentine's Day is don't do anything on Valentine's Day. Yep. Do it two weeks after next to payday. That's the one. And same for Christmas. Maybe do it in January, you know, after the Boxing Day starts. I sort of get that when people do like family Christmases and their flights are cheaper, so they're like, let's do it on this date.

But on Valentine's Day, I think you end up being more expensive because now you've got a date on a day that's not Valentine's Day. But on Valentine's Day, you can't do nothing. There expensive because now you've got a date on a day that's not Valentine's Day. But on Valentine's Day, you can't do nothing. There's got to be flowers. There's got to be something. Well, like flowers. I go on a daily walk. There are wildflowers.

Yeah, dude, pick them. I'll put the work in. It comes from the heart. Oh, my God, do you pick people's flowers? Their own? From their gardens. From their gardens. No, the council plans those wildflowers because it saves them mowing places.

Oh, right. It's the same as the fruit tree rule. If it's over the fence, it's yours. So end of Feb, we're going to Valentine's. It's going to be lovely. You're going to Valentine's. So when you see quite a posh restaurant. It is.

It's a gourmet buffet. A gourmet buffet. Okay, well, fantastic. And she's okay with that? We're both super excited. Yeah, we're on board. Thrifty. Okay, well, fantastic. And she's okay with that? We're both super excited. Yeah, we're on board. Thrifty. Wow.

There you go. Do you know what? I feel like I'm judging you for not doing much on Valentine's Day, but we will be doing diddly squat. We've never done anything. So what is it? What do they call it? It's a corporate holiday.

That's what single people say. Yeah, I know. Well, maybe I'll be single by Valentine's Day. That's what lame, lonely single people say to make themselves feel better on Valentine's Day. Oh, God. I'm just reflecting on that. What have you got planned with Margaret for Valentine's Day? My fake wife. God, they are off, on,

off, on, Monday on, off, Tuesday off. I'm making sure we're off so I don't have to do anything. Oh, so you can hang out with me and Vaughn. It's a hot play. It's a hot play. That's right, we'll all be hanging out on Valentine's Day. That's romantic.

Exciting. That is pretty cute. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley. Well, another travel hack has gone viral and it's up there with, as you mentioned, the fishing vest where you stuff all your undies and your socks and your... Little toiletries and whatnot.

Your spare batteries, your chargers, you put them in all the pockets that fishing vests have. Yeah, so you don't have to carry it, you just wear it. Yeah, but then you still get a carry-on bag.

That's what I mean. You don't have to carry it. You can put lighter things in your carry-on on the shoulder. It's genius. It is genius. Did you end up doing it because you said you were

going to look into doing something like that when you went on your travels? No. Did you realise you looked silly? I realised. Don't you get realise you looked silly? I realise. Don't you get a check in? I don't suit a fishing vest. You wouldn't be attracting the hot mummas

with that. Did I walk past? Was it Huffer? I think they had something like that. Like a vest that almost looked like a fishing vest. I was like, okay, maybe that would work. Yeah. I think it was Huffer. It was somewhere. But this travel hack, it is a bit sneaky, like the fishing vest. It involves getting a pillow case.

Now, not like a sleeping pillow, but like a pillow on the couch. Yeah. Because, you know, they will kind of have a zip at the top and then inside the stuffing. I believe they're called cushions. Cushions. Yes, that's what they're called, cushions. Small pillows.

Small pillows. It's more square. And you typically find them on chairs or couches. But it's not a pillow that you'd find on the bed. A cushion, yeah. When does a pillow become a cushion? Technically, a pillow means only to rest one's head. Pillows can be decorative or practical.

A soft bag that is adorned with some decorative material and stuff. Soft bag. Hair, feathers, polyester staple fibre is called a cushion. But is there a length rule where it becomes a cushion? Or no, it's just when it becomes decorative? Oh, but you've got your Euro. No, they're cushions. Your Euro pillows are cushions.

They're pillows. They're Euro pillows. Yeah, I know, but they're cushions because they're square. So I'm imagining when it's kind of, I guess the blanket rule is if it's on a bed, it's a pillow. No, because you put cushions on beds. Yeah, but they're cushions on beds. You go pillow, pillow, pillow, then it turns to cushion.

Are we going European pillow at the back? Yeah, but I'd call it a Euro cushion. Look, I don't want to start anything with Euro, but I've got no time for European pillows. Too big. It's so hard to find a matching set of sheets and duvet cover with a matching. Nah, Euro cushions with a matching European. It's called Eurocushions. Okay, this is the hack.

You get a cushion from the couch and you unzip the top. And a decorative one works because then you can see from a mile away it's a cushion. Don't take a European one because it'll look like your bloody Santa. So stupid. It's just like a normal size cushion from the couch. You take out the filling and then in that You put all your crap Your batteries, your carry-on

Your makeup, whatever And then you zip it back up And put it under your arm With your carry-on bag and they think Oh well they've just got a cushion, that doesn't count That's for the flight And then all these people are doing it and posting These videos on TikTok and Reels and it's working.

Do you know what you could do to even if you like to take it a step further is get those travel neck pillows. Empty that and then like stuff it with your heaviest shite. Put it around your neck. All your batteries. All your batteries, all your stuff. And then just go on the plane with your little bag and be like 7kg. Check on.

But your neck's like straining under the weight of laptop charges. And then you get to your destination, you've got to get some kind of physio or chiropractor, which will cost you probably as much as a checked bag. Yeah, you've got to go to the osteo. Yeah, so maybe get that checked. You've ruined your holiday. But good though.

Where are you storing it when you get on the plane is it still going in the overhead yeah or you just put it under the seat under your seat under your feet yeah it's not going to be a comfortable thing to carry this is a great idea it's a great what is this for saving having to get a chicken yeah cheap you're going to be inconvenienced It all adds up Check in luggage It's expensive But sometimes you don't get the bag option And this is perfect

I think this is really smart Unless you're going to overload If everybody does this they overload the plane It'll crash on take off I reckon you've got your fishing vest on You've got your heavy neck pillow around Utterly stuffed, you've got a cushion on your arm. You won't need a bag. You won't need a

bag. You are already my least favourite person on the plane and I bet the minute it lands you're up and out of that seat. The belt is coming off the moment that Will touches the tarmac. Play ZM's Fletch Vaughan and Hayley. Today, the 1st of Feb. It is the 1st of February and that means

that some of you out there deserve a congratulations. If you, yes. Yes. If you are married and today you remain married, congratulations, you have made it through sort of the death trap of marriage because January is the most popular month for divorce. Well, you're the only one here married, Vaughan. I mean, you're practically married, aren't you, Hayley?

Practically. How was your January? Did you make it? Do you feel like you just made it? How was your January? Rough. Yeah, ours was rough. Rough, Jan.

But we made it. Here we are in February, so I just get to take care of myself from here. No, no, don't take the hands off the wheel. The hands have been off the wheel. The hands are off the wheel. He's asleep off the wheel. No, the hands have been off the wheel. The hands are off the wheel. He's asleep at the wheel. So they say it's the gloomiest time of the year for divorce, huge peaks in divorces throughout January.

Do you think it's because, would these stats be from overseas, like Northern Hemisphere where it's cold in winter as well? Weather would certainly add to it, right? But also just the stresses of Christmas and family and everything as well. Weather would certainly add to it, right? But also just the stresses of Christmas and family and everything like that. There's also, so this comes a lot from, they collate information

from like divorce lawyers, relationship therapists, also Google searches. Oh, wow. How to divorce, how long does a divorce take, how to apply for a divorce, how to split a home,

like all that kind of stuff. There's a huge increase in January for people filing for divorces. And so it's the most common month of the year. Yeah. Wow, okay. Oh my God, I just read down an article,

a woman who said that yes, she got divorced in January, spent 80,000 pounds, so $160,000 on her divorce proceedings. What? Because they were fighting over who gets what? Fighting. Lawyers, all of that. And the only people that are winning out of that are lawyers. Yeah, literally. Like, you're both just basically, yeah, wasting your money.

I mean, unless you've got, like, millions of dollars of assets, I guess. Yeah. But then the lawyers are just going to get a big slice of the pie. Yeah, I know. You've got to bog them down with admin, Vaughn. You bet. Like you say. Absolutely.

So if today you remain together, I think it'll be a great day Congratulations, again. to kiss your husband, wife, or de facto and say we made it. We made it through January. Just your one, though, eh? No, all husbands and wives can kiss.

You might have to go out of town for your second wife. Yeah. But you could probably do that on the days you're at that town. Actually, if you've got two marriages on the go and you keep them both going through January, well done. Extra round of applause there. So in the UK there has been a vote for the favourite

pun based shop and people were given a bunch of options and the one that they picked was a clothing alteration store in Belfast with the name So It Seems

So Two words Two puns So So good It seems Yeah that's good That's really good Yes So it seems. So, two words. Two, two puns. So, so good. It seems. Yeah, that's good. That's really good.

Yes. That is very good. And so I thought, well, this is perfect because I always chuckle when I see a business that has a pun in its name. Even if it's bad, I'm like. Now I'm on boardpanda.com. Okay. On funny shop store names, and this one's great.

A bakery called Bread Pit. Oh! Like a pit stop where you go, but bread pit. Is it two T's? P-I-T-T? Yep, two T's. Oh, yeah, good. There's a Thai restaurant called Thai Tanic.

No, see, that's got nothing to do with Thai food, though. No, but it has to do anything to do with that. It does. The Thai people... I'm allowed to say this, but my father-in-law's like, annoy me! Yeah, but what about this? With this loose use of puns!

Lord of the Rinse. That's a hair-washing place. I like it. Because they are the best. The Lord of the Rinse indicates that they are the best of the rinse. What if the Titanic Thai was Was Titanic themed? Yes. Yes. You'd be okay with that? I'd be okay with it. Yes, yes, yes. A Titanic themed Thai

restaurant. I'll give you a couple of the other runners up from the UK. There was On a Wick and a Prayer. That's a candle shop. Yeah. Ali Barber, which was in an alley. And it was a barber's. Yeah. A tanning shop, Tan Solo. That's Han Solo. Yeah. You a tanning shop, Tan Solo. Is that

Tan Solo? Yeah. You have to say that, Tan Solo. One of my favourites was a window repairer's glass place. They were called Pain in the Glass. Oh yeah, that's good. What about this? A Mexican tequila bar called Tequila Mockingbird.

Yeah, that's good. There was an ironing service in Birmingham called Iron Maiden. Oh, yeah, Iron Maiden. That's good. I think I've seen something like that before. And a fish and chip shop called Frying Nemo. Great.

Very good. Imagine taking the kids to Frying Nemo. Yeah, rough. I love this. Okay, so this is what we want to do now. Open up the phone line to 0800 DALS at M. You can text as well, 9696. Tell us in your town or city

what are the business names with great puns, good or bad? I don't have a pun business near my house, but I live right next to the community hall and there's a sign to rent it and it says I'm hall yours. I like that. That's good. Every day I giggle. That's good. Already getting a couple coming in.

There's a plumber in the Coromandel called I'd Tap That. Yeah. My doggy's daycare is called K9 to 5. Oh, yes. We like it. We like it a lot. What about the drilling one? Oh, butt drilling in Blenheim.

Owned by the Butt family. They can drill you a bore for water. The Butt family. They do butt drilling. That's good. Oh, my God. We are inundated with names. Good.

We'll get to those next. We want to know the funny business names in your town or city because the UK have just awarded the funniest business name. It's an alteration store called So It Seems. And this was voted on. Good. Out of a huge list. And we are inundated.

Oh, my God. I love this. It's bringing me so much joy. There is a Thai food truck in Thai Hape called Thai Happy. Yeah, that's well done. That's really lifting the bar for Thai restaurants. So we're just going willy-nilly. You're saying quite lax with the puns.

Very lax with the puns. Okay. Sianae, good morning. This is in Christchurch, I believe. Good morning, guys. How are you all? Good morning. Great, thank you.

Actually, just so good. Now, I tell you what, Hayley was literally just saying, because we're doing the show live from Christchurch tomorrow. We've got a wedding. Hayley was just saying, what will I have for dinner? This could be an option. Yeah. Oh, this is a goodie.

This is a goodie. So it's in Christchurch and it's a Vietnamese restaurant called U Hanoi Mi. U Hanoi Mi. Yes, because of Hanoi. Like Hanoi. But when I go into this restaurant,

am I going to be annoyed? No, it's fantastic. Because this is laxical use of a rhyming word. No, it doesn't matter. I love it. It doesn't sit with me. It doesn't sit with me. And you just can't miss with Vietnamese food. It's so yum.

It's so good. Brilliant, Shanae. Thank you. Some more messages in. Hard to keep up. We're being inundated. There's a sewing shop in Kittikitty called All You Needle. Yeah, that's good.

It's hard to beat so it seems. Yeah. I went to a boxing gym in the Philippines while I was there. Didn't even think about the name of it until later when I told people it was called Blow Jab, the boxing gym. Oh, my God. See, that doesn't make a... I mean, you take...

You took a blow to the face and a jab is a type of punch, but I don't know really how it ties in with the other thing that it sounds a bit like. My watch repair business is called Low On Time. Oh, good. It'd be great if your last name was Low. It must be, right? It must be.

Yeah. Twinkle Toe and Tire. Twinkle Toes. Oh, yeah, yeah. And Tire and Kaiwaka. Flintstones. Yeah. What?

Oh, my husband's farm is owned by a trust. Yeah. And the trust is called Do Not. Do Not Trust. Do Not Trust. Do Not Trust. There's well-hung joinery in Wellington. Oh, yes.

You hang indoors. Plaster it. In Tauranga, always plastered. Lots of plastering places. Yes. I use them to get plastered. I saw a mason as well get stoned. Because of stoned mason.

A Waikato electrician called Alec-trician because his name's Alec. That's good. Yes. I would hire him if I was looking for an electrician. Yeah, that's good stuff. A hair salon in the 90s in Palmerston North called Curl Up and Die.

Oh my God. Not quite doing it there. You'd be like, I admire the pun, but I don't want to get a... Yeah. You'd be better to go Curl Up and Dry. don't want to get a... Yeah. You'd be better to go curl up and dry. Yes. Because you get a dry hair, don't you?

You get dry, but they also die. Curl up and dry is great. Used to be a hairdresser in Wellington in the 70s owned by the Firkin family called Get a Firkin Haircut. That's great. That's good stuff. Someone's pointing out Lord of the Fries. Yeah. Because, I mean, that's a high-profile one. That's pointing out Lord of the Fries. Yeah.

Because, I mean, that's a high-profile one. That's very good. There's another version of the Thai Happy. There's Thai Anno, which is in Tiano. I ate there. We went to that restaurant when we were in Tiano. There you go. Yeah.

Thai Anno. That's good. I completely forgot about that. My cats go to a cattery called the Purr Food Cattery. Yeah, I like that. That's pretty good. Ours go to a cattery called the Purr Food Cattery. Hey, I like that. That's very good. Ours goes to Pussy Palace. Really?

Yeah. That's an interesting name. Wild, eh? Yeah. We just drove past a garden services called Fork and Hoe. Yep. Okay. Wow.

That's good there. Let's be in a cafe in Raglan called Tongue and Groove. No, there's not. There is. No, there's not. There is a cafe called Tongue and Groove, but it's more to do with the woodworking. Yeah, Tongue and Groove being the woodwork panelling. But there is only lesbians go there.

Or owned by or friendly to. But there is a cafe called Tongue and Groove in Raglan. And in Birkenhead. Make a little bit of a LOL about it. Yeah, okay. I used to work in a shop, above a shop overseas, that sold door handles called knobs and knockers. Oh, yeah.

There was a knobs and knockers in New Zealand as well. Yeah, there is, yeah. There's a barber in Invercargill with the same font and colours as OnlyFans called OnlyFades. Okay. Okay. Yeah. Bought a garden shed once by a company called Ready Shed Go. Good.

Yes. I like these. I love these. My husband's business is called Flintstone Contracting because his name is Fred. Oh, yeah. Fred from Flintstones. There's a New Zealand prison cafe run by inmates called Doing Time.

Time's about T-H-Y-M-E. That's good. They better do a lot of time-based deal. Now, the second text from the top, we can't say that on here, but can we? It's a bar in Thailand that does gambling out the back. I haven't been. No, no, we can't say it.

There's a contracting business called Fifty Shades of Hay. Yes. That's pretty good. I love these. Chinese restaurant, Dudukin. I just want to do,

I just want to do, I just want to open a business so I can think of a punny name. Yeah. Yeah. Well Hung is a wallpaper hanging business in Christchurch. That's good.

I remember seeing an air conditioning business called Stiff Nipples. That's not, I don't know if that's a pun. That's not a pun. That's just a side effect of very cold air conditioning. Somebody would like to bring to our attention the entire town of bulls.

Oh, my God. Every sign. They did make a whole thing out of it. It makes me chuckle driving through there. It's their defining characteristic, really. I just saw that Thailand one. So we can't read it out? No.

Well, I mean, up to you. It's very, very good. Where'd it go? Where'd it go? Where'd it go? Oh, God. They keep coming in. Oh, yeah.

I don't think we should say that. It's too naughty. We apologise for teasing you this far as we worked out whether or not we could say it. And it's not really a pun, is it? Yeah, it is. It is. The perfect example of a pun where the booze store at the front sold liquor

and you could play poker out the back. Yeah, right. There's the gist of it. You can figure that out. You can join the dots there. Play. ZDM's Fletch Vaughan and Hayley. Fact of the day, day, day, day, day.

Today's fact of the day, it's a word or phrase, origin week. And I think I knew this one. Week and a half. Pardon me? We're doing week and a half. Yeah, because next week we're taking Monday off and then Tuesday's a holiday and then Wednesday, Thursday, Friday,

just three more of these, I think. Yeah, yeah, perfect. Week and a half, loving it. Three more of these, I think. So I think I knew this, but when I read it, I was like, it rules. There was not a word. Well, there was, but the word tattoo did not exist

until Captain James Cook heard it from the people of Samo. Oh, wow. So he's all about James Cook now. Tattoo. Whoa. Okay. All right, colonist. Do you know, I mean, it's hard to deny.

He called him a hero. He did. He said, my hero. Yeah, and then he said, I can't believe they ate him. Yeah. That's what he said. I don't think I said that. He did.

I don't think I said that. I've got you recorded, mate. No, Vaughn did not say that. Vaughn is not a fan. It's hard to deny I'm very white and my family's very white and I kind of just strolled in and was like, we'll have that. It's very hard to deny my colonist past, not extremely proud of it. Yeah. Anyway,

but I'm afraid there's not much I can do personally because they gave away all the land again. So he saw the Samoan people with tattoos. So the tattoo is the Polynesian word, which translates to a mark made on the skin.

And the Samoan word tattoo meant to a mark made on the skin. And the Samoan word tato meant to strike. So tattoo just came because you know how white people don't put a lot of effort into saying things how the people who they take the words from said it? So it's a pronunciation. Tattoo.

So the first known English usage of the word tattoo 1786 James Cook's Journal on the Endeavour, where he described the tradition of tattooing among the people that he met during his voyage in Polynesia. It did exist in England before this time, but it didn't really have a word. It was just referred to as a form of painting or skin painting.

Right. It didn't have one word that kind of summed it up. Did he spell it in his journal like we spell it now? Yes. Or is that how the Samoan people spelled it as well? Because it was just said. Yeah. Oh, right.

It was no record of it. It wasn't written. Most of Polynesia were an oral communicator and there wasn't like a written language or such. And to be fair they hadn't invented pens by then no one had

no one had invited writing devices yeah and you'd like lick your finger and write on a bit of stone but then the sun would dry and your message

would disappear that would always happen wow okay that's fascinating so the word which is just a really unusual word to look at

you wouldn't think it was English in origins like T-A-T-T-O-O. Just doesn't look a lot like an English word. Is a word from Polynesia. Fact of the day, day, day, day, day. Do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do- I don't think you wanted to talk about it. I don't want to talk about it. I don't want to. It's pretty raw. And I'm not ready to talk about my cat that died two years ago either. Yeah. I don't want to talk about that either.

17. Because it was her birthday, we thought we'd go out to the beach, which she absolutely loved the beach. Even as an old girl, when you took her out to the beach, you'd get the zoomies and run around and get pretty excited and smell things and trip over things. And there was one time I jumped off a sand dune to impress my children and the dog was just like

I guess I follow and just jumped straight off after me that's the loyalty of that dog you go I go he's going up a cliff I'm going off the same cliff

but I landed and she roly poly to the bottom and so we took the ashes out there to give a little bit of a spread we walked away

from people to do it what the people eating their fish and chips yeah yeah everybody like with their dogs and stuff. I don't want to bring the mood down by being like, enjoy them

because they don't last very long. Muriwai is a very coastal, windy beach. It's a rugged west coast beach. I think it's one of my favourites. Yeah, it's stunning. It's got rugged, you can swim. I wouldn't swim there outside of the flags. You can swim there.

It's a very, you know, tumultuous west coast beach. It's got the gannets. Take or leave. I wouldn't swim there outside of the flags you can swim there it's a very you know tumultuous West Coast beach it's got the gannets it's got take or leave yeah I know they're like a bird someone was there

you do know they're a bird that's good I wanted I meant to say a native bird a native bird but they're stinky dudes they are stinky dudes what do they

when they give you your dog's ashes do they just give them to you in like an empty tip top? So you had pricing options. An old ice cream container. You had pricing options. Yeah.

And that's what, there was a lot of discussion with the kids because I'd never spread ashes before. Have you ever spread ashes? No. Can you make an excuse? Can you hear it coming? We went with the ice cream container, didn't we? Yeah, you went with the cheap option.

That's tough times. Absolutely went with the cheap option. Because if you're going to keep the ashes, you can get like a nice wooden box. But're Going to keep the ashes You can get like A nice wooden box But we're not Keeping the ashes You don't know

I don't even get the Like I don't know I wouldn't want to see A dead person's ashes On my mantelpiece I've got Yeah I have a friend Who's mum's in a box

And every time I visit The house I'm always like In a box in the noon Is it a nice box It's a wooden box With a plant I'm a fan of spreading them. And then it's gone.

You don't need that daily reminder. I mean, that's just me personally. I know everyone's different. We've got it in a little baggie. Oh, yeah. It'd look like a huge haul of Coke. But a bit grittier. Okay.

A baggie? Wait, what colour is a cremated dog? White or grey? Yeah, whitey grey. Like when you clean out the fireplace ashes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like that. Like ashes.

Yeah. And there's a nail in there. It's got a plastic bag and it literally had that red thing at the top so you can tell that the things align so you can slide it shut.

Was it a glad? It wasn't a zip slide but it was a snap lock. Okay. I cannot believe you put your beloved animal in a snap lock bag. And then that goes

inside a cardboard box that's got like a loving memory of Lulu. Like a styrofoam. No, no, no, no, no. Like a Chinese takeout. Just like a small cardboard box. And they're like $2 if you overfill it. Yeah, the dog was part Chinese. Honour its heritage. It was adopted

It was French from its poodle side and British from its cavalier king Adopted into a half Asian family I can see it adhered to our cultural practices so it will charge you for overfilling And it'll be ready in 10 minutes.

Yeah. Every time. 10 minutes. So last night was the first time we opened the box and actually took the bag out. We kind of left the box sealed. Right. And we were all just like.

It's in a glad bag? There's Lulu in a glad bag? Yeah, yeah. And she weighed 7kgs at time of passing. She was old and skinny. And the girls had lots of questions. and I was like, fair enough. Like, ask the questions, and they're like, what's left? This is how kids learn about death, right?

Yeah, yeah. I'm like, it's just, I believe bones is all that's left. Everything else is so hot and so long that everything else, the fur, the flesh, everything's burnt away. Yeah. And then Indy was like, there's actually quite a bit in that bag. I was like, yeah yeah when you think about it I guess so

she's like so she's 6kgs and Ralph's 30kgs there's gonna be 5 times as much Ralph you're gonna have to get a vacuum bag and then we were like

what I mean we actually had this like during this moment of like sad and spreading and remembering we actually all started laughing

at how funny it would be to get your big dog back in a bucket with a handle but they're like don't trust the handle there's a lot of and remember, we actually all started laughing at how funny it would be to get your big dog back in a bucket. With a handle, but they're like, don't trust the handle. There's a lot of- Like a Resine 10 litre with a lid. With the lids that you can actually like stomp them, they click them shut.

And then you've got to get the special thing to open it to be able to spread the ashes out. So yeah, we spread the ashes and it did that classic thing where the wave was coming in. So I was like, we'll throw it into the sea. Wait, you did it into the sea? Into the sea. Yeah, that's best.

Is it? Okay, I don't know. Because if you don't have a beach, it just goes whoosh. Yeah, I imagine you were at this top of a sand dune and you just. No. Unpredictable wind currents at the top of a sand dune. Yeah, okay. Before the spreading, I kept going, licking the finger and seeing which way the wind was coming from.

Oh, yeah. Swirling. You should have taken your helicopter weather balloon. You know, that weather sock. Wind sock. Wind sock. You should have taken your wind blower. Your leaf blower.

That's a good idea, actually. And just get the kids to throw it into the stream of them. And you just blow it where you want it to go. Yeah, so then you get a bit of control over the ash spread. But I said, August was obsessed with not standing on a blue bottle jellyfish so she wasn't listening okay she was panicking

about blue bottle jellyfish are there lots of them around there are there the little okay blow up yeah and they do sting

and everything but there wasn't enough if you watch where you go but she was obsessed with them I said relax you're ruining a very important moment

and so she relaxed but then she was watching for them the whole time she wasn't listening so I said we each had a turn like spreading some and saying something nice about the dog whole time. She wasn't listening. So I said, we each had a turn at spreading something, saying something nice about the dog.

What did you say? I said- You don't have to share, actually. It's a very close family moment. She was a very loyal dog, and she had a real good sense of when you needed to just have a dog sit beside you. You know, dogs are good at that, whereas cats are too selfish. Dogs are like, I think this human needs me to be petted.

Everybody said something nice. The thing was, she said, I like the way that you'd jump up on her bed or get the zoomies and snuggle. Everybody said something nice like that. But I said, before the sprinkling,

make sure you're not standing down wind. Yeah. Of the ashes. Kind of turn your back to the wind and sprinkle it so the wind takes it and some hits the water and it's it. Wow, she ate it. Oh, no!

She sprinkled into the wind. Did she say what Lulu tasted like? She's like, no. You shouldn't eat it as it had gone in her mouth. She sprinkled it and it just blew straight onto her. Oh, wow. Sort of nicely. She sprinkled it and it just blew straight onto her. Oh, wow. Sort of nicely. She's absorbing my ear.

One last snuggle. Oh. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley. Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley. Silly little poe. Silly little poe. It is so silly, silly, silly. That silly little poe.

Silly little poe. Silly silly little pole. Silly little pole. Silly little pole. Silly little pole. Silly little pole. Well, today's Silly Little Pole is about emergency contacts. Who do you have as your emergency contact? I don't know. I don't think I've got anyone.

How do you find out? A partner or somebody else. You go into contacts and you can go like edit and then you go like click a star and it makes them one of your emergency contacts. Oh, right. I think I'd change it because I was thinking more like form-based.

You know, for the doctor, my emergency contact is my dad, I believe. We should change that to Aaron probably because my dad lives miles away. Yeah, like could you imagine an emergency? They're like, help, Hayley's had a fall. Yeah, and he's like, cool, it's going to take me at least five hours to get there. Yeah, exactly.

Right. But if it's something more casual, I put Aaron. Not you guys. Not there yet. Not yet. Nah. Yeah. A parent, 32%. Yep. A parent, 32%.

Yep. A partner, 62%. Nice. Or someone else, 7%. Sorry, just 7%. So would that be like a best friend, a flatmate maybe? Maybe. Your boss.

Grandparents. Grandparents. Somebody else in the family, a close auntie or uncle. Right. The problem is you can't put your partner if where you're going is with your partner. Yes. Like where it's like, yeah. Oh, yeah. When you're't put your partner if where you're going is with your partner. Yes. Like where it's like, who's your,

when you're overseas, who's your emergency contact? I always just put mum. The person that's probably likely to be with me when the disastrous thing happens. Yeah, I put my mum. I just put mum. That's when you put your mum.

Mum for overseas. But then again, she's like four hours drive away. Like what's she going to do? Just panic? And this is a story because apparently like young people don't know who to put.

They're having a bit of a crisis. A crisis about this. Young people are having a crisis about everything. Add it to the list. Fragile. Fragile. I mean, you just put mum, right? But then are they worried because they don't have a partner that they're like that?

And it's just a constant reminder? I could put my partner here, but I'm so alone. I suppose this is where I'd enter my partner's name, wouldn't it be? I have some messages in on it. Sharon said, my daughter, I have her because she always answers her phone. My husband will return messages or calls in 7 to 19 business days. Yeah. So that's the thing.

You also want someone who answers the phone. Yeah, totally. My friends, because my parents live a flight away, says Erin. My friends are closer physically to where I am. Oh, yeah. I never think about that. Someone close. The physical location.

Well, our local Gen Z Shannon at the social media desk, who's your emergency contact on your phone and on forms? It's my mum currently. But at what point does it become your partner? Is it rude to him he's not it? This speaks volumes. Yeah, is it like

I'm a commitment phobe of putting him on my emergency contact? It's actually a bigger commitment than a baby, making them your emergency contact. We started dating about four years ago. So I feel like we're entering that territory. You've passed the territory. Yeah, I don't think he's ever going to be your emergency contact. No.

Would he be offended? You're both entitled to half of what you've got. But then who's calling up the doctor every time they switch boyfriends, you know? Yeah, that's the awful thing. I'm like, do I wait till I get a ring? I'm in the middle of a break right now, so you can scrub that name. Just put it back to mum, I guess.

Yeah, I guess put it back to mum. And leave it as mum. I'll do it maybe when I'm engaged. Maybe if I've got a ring, and then he can be my emergency. Oh, that'll force his hand. If you want me to be on my emergency contact, you'd better get a ring on this finger.

Yeah, yeah. That's what we need love. Kitty said, I have my husband, but he has his mum. How rude. Oh, yeah. Yeah, he's a mummy's this finger. Yeah, yeah. That's what we need, love. Kitty said, I have my husband, but he has his mum. How rude. Oh, yeah. Yeah, he's a mummy's boy and always will be. Yeah.

Angela said, no partner, so I have my stepdad. I honestly need to decide on someone else because he's more often in need of emergency help than I am. Yeah. Too true. You've got to have someone trustworthy. Yeah. Most definitely. If you like today's podcast, tell your friends you could send them the link.

And if you don't have any friends, just pretend you did. Yeah, great. And rate and review. And maybe get out there and try to make some friends.