ZM's Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley - Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley's Big Pod - 20th April 2023

Episode Date: April 20, 2023

Silly Little Poll!  Top 6: NCEA  Rhino Enclosure  Sex.Life  Sharde's Trip  Fact of the Day Day Day Day Daaaaay!See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

The ZM Podcast Network. The Fletchbourne and Hayley Big Pod. Treat yourself to McCafe coffee with my Macca's rewards. Good morning, welcome to the show, Fletchbourne and Hayley. Oh, it's in the Brian Clint settings. I wondered why it wasn't loud enough. Oh my God, I was like, it's so quiet. I know, they have the headphones.

Oh, Macs, there you go. They're not allowed to go any louder than this. We keep them nice and quiet in the afternoons? I'm going to go under the desk and fiddle with the knob. Right, you go fiddle with your knobs down there. We'll catch up. How are you, Vaughn? Oh, thank God.

Oh, yeah, bitch. I don't know if the listeners would have noticed that, but yeah, we've got some headphone volume now. I don't think they would have noticed a single difference. I was like, I'm a year and a half in and I've already, my hearing's gone. Yeah. I've stuffed it. Good luck with that.

Oh, how are we? We're really good. We are good collectively. Now, can I be part of whatever chat you two are in that decides what we're wearing today? Blue t-shirts, black pants. Black cap. Absolutely. When is it going to get cold?

I can only speak for the area of New Zealand. Dude, it's so hot. It was 18 degrees when I got out of bed. Yeah, it's hot. And you've worn jeans. Because we're almost dressed identically, except that you're in jeans and Birks, and I'm in jean shorts.

I wore jeans yesterday. I was sweating. Like nobody's business. Kai Tai are currently the highest temperature in the country right now, 20 degrees. It's bananas. It's 2.4 in Queenstown. Okay. 10 in Dunedin highest temperature in the country right now 20 degrees. It's bananas. It's 2.4 in Queenstown. Okay.

10 in Dunedin 13 in Christchurch and yeah I mean apart from it's pretty much north of Rotorua it's like 15 13 in Christchurch at this time of the year

is also as warm. Yeah. It's bizarre to me that we're so small as a country and yet one end of us is 2 degrees and one end of us is like 20.

We're small, but we're long. We're long, yeah, we're long and skinny. We're tall and leggy. If you compare us, if you put us on top of Europe, we're quite long. Aren't we? They have a very... Are we longer than the Germans? They're quite short and fat, aren't they?

Perfectly proportioned. I wouldn't say a bad word about them. No, no. I wasn't saying a bad word about them. They're no. I wasn't saying a bad word about them. They're a powerhouse economy. You call them short-fetched. They're a powerhouse economy with a history of a short fuse. Yeah, yeah.

I don't know if you like it. So if you think about the difference in temperatures throughout Europe. Yeah, that's true. You know. Yeah. This is true. Fascinating. The top six coming up.

Yes. NCEA changes are being put in place, but then other changes have been put on hold because we need to concentrate on literacy and mathematics. Ah. Okay. I agree. Yeah. Okay.

Well, I've got the top six other things we should definitely prioritize about NCEA. You know, things you leave school and you're like, oh, no one ever taught me that. Yeah, I wish we'd learnt about that. Yes. So we'll be dealing with that in the top six. Now I've got bloody eight Gem Visa finance credit cards. I was going to say, finances and taxes.

Why were we not taught this? I know, right? Bingo bango. Silly Little Pole coming up. Fake plants. The AUNA. How we feel about those in Silly Little Pole. Lizzo tickets. We've got another double pass this morning.

Around quarter past seven if you want to win those. And cash combo. We'll give you the artists that could win you $1,000 cash at 7 and 8 this morning. Feeling very generous today, aren't we? Next on the show. Well, it's not my money. Next on the show. Well, as the show's marathon runner. You've run

literally one marathon. In 2009. Yeah. However, you cannot take that away from me. No. We're going to talk about someone got caught cheating. Oh, no. I love these stories.

Were they on wheelies? You know, those sketches. Heelys. Heelys. Yeah. Play. ZDM's Fletchvorn and Hayley. I don't have it. Well Well best of luck to you

Well I was just reading a very lovely email And I was Infatuated with this email And I've Well I've got the story now I've got the story now I've paused long enough I've padded, this is what Christine is talking about in her email

Where she crowns me broadcaster of the year. Okay. We did receive a lovely email from a lady named Christine, and you were meant to be preparing the story about a marathon runner who's cheated. Yes, a top Scottish ultra marathon runner, not just a marathon runner. Oh. What is an ultra marathon? Super long. Is there a what is an ultra marathon? Super long.

Is there a set distance? A hundred? Well it says this one she finished third in the ultras Manchester to Liverpool 50 mile race. Oh there you go. So that's 50 miles. I think it's just anything longer than your usual. Yeah so it says it's any foot race longer than the traditional marathon length.

50 miles is 80 kilometers. There needs to be like ultra marathons up to. Well, the shortest. Mega marathon is 100 plus. Uber marathon. Yes. The shortest common ultra marathon of 50 kilometers is 50 kilometers, and they got to 200.

50? Jeez Louise. But that's only like eight more than a normal marathon. 50 kilometres. Oh, you want to run eight more than a normal marathon? No, I don't want to run a marathon. Well, this one- I don't even want to do the 5K fun walk.

No, neither. I couldn't. Well, this was a uber marathon of sorts as she travelled by car for two and a half of these miles. Oh, my God. How did she get away? How did she do it? She thought she was going to get away with it because she wasn't sure

that she was being tracked, live tracked, but she was tracked on GPX mapping data. Oh, okay. Because you usually with a marathon put something in your shoe, eh? Well, they give you a tag here that you put on your shoe or in your shoe, but I thought that was just an RDF. That was when you cross the start line or when you cross the finish line, and that's how long it took.

You get a very specific readout versus just reading that big clock. But I guess you could get something that's like an Appalier tag or a tile now, and that would be a GPS tracker. Yeah. So she was being tracked, and she covered one mile of the race in one minute 40 seconds, and they were like, what the? So that actually might have been it, just mile to mile tracking. Oh, yeah, okay.

Mile to mile tracking. Oh, yeah, so she would have gone past every mile it beeps. Yes. Okay. Because this is ultra marathon. This is like A-grade professional running. So it would have been, you know, monitored. That's what I mean.

I mean, like, if you Are taking part in this thing You're obviously a pretty good runner Why I thought it was someone Who would do it Like cheap Because they couldn't do it And they wanted to tell their friends

They'd finished a marathon And so they just got in the car And drove it She's just what Wanting to shave a bit of time off She These are the excuses Oh good

She'd just arrived the night Before the race After travelling for 48 hours From Australia That's on her She should have booked A nearly a flight Didn't go to plan She was feeling sick and tired On the race after travelling for 48 hours from Australia. That's on her. She should have booked an earlier flight. Didn't go to plan. She was feeling sick and tired on the race day and wanted to drop out.

Sounds to me like she got COVID. Doesn't it? COVID on the plane. Sounds to me like she picked up COVID in some part of her transport. She was in the early stages of it. But apparently she's cooperating with them fully and hasn't denied it. Wow. But surely she'll be banned, right?

But you can't ban people from running. She's a doctor. Oh, how embarrassing. Really? She won the 48-hour race at the Taipei Ultra Marathon in Taiwan. What are your thoughts? Is it Taiwan? You're a big fan of Taiwan, aren't you?

I'm a big fan of the independence. Yeah, absolutely. Independence of Taiwan. Passionate about Taiwan. He's made a stand. He's making a one-man stand against the Chinese government. He's the person in front of the tank in Tiananmen Square.

Famous photo. That's Fletch. His big, long time, big, long time opponent. I'm not waiting into that. And she set a world record across 255 miles. Is it the whole,

it's along the lines of all the doping in sports. You become so successful and then the pressure is there. You've got to keep winning. And if you're slipping and your standards are slipping, then I guess you do look to do something like this. Well, if people notice, I was marching a little fast at Nationals this year.

It was the pressure, man. I had a little bit of... You were on horse tranks, weren't you? Doping stuff. Raro sachets. I took the raro. You were on raro, yeah. It was her leisurely use of horse tranquilizers.

It wasn't for any professional advantage. No, no. In fact, it's famously a sport you've got to be on tempo. Yeah. 14 past six. A money-saving expert has shared with us, and I'm going to share with you, the seven sneaky tactics that supermarkets

use to make you spend more. Oh, they're cunning, aren't they? What? I did not think you were going to say cunning. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley. There is a money saving expert. His name is Richard Price and he

is a director. He's a money saving expert and the director of an online supermarket. Okay. This is overseas. Today I'm receiving my first soupy order. Oh, okay. Who told me about soupy? One of you? Jared? Maybe?

We're talking about it, yeah. What did I say about them? They were being told to sell things. Yeah. What did I say about them? They, oh, they were being told to sell things. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay. Anyway, so this guy is saying he's got the seven tactics that supermarkets use to make you spend a little bit more.

Okay. Sweets at the tills. Yeah. Oh, that's a classic. Some supermarkets have the ones with no lollies for parents. Confectionery free. Yeah, that's right. I always thought that meant you couldn't put confectionery through there.

So did I when I was young. They don't want it. I'm not. This checkout operator is trying to stay away from the sweets. She's on keto. You can't bring lollies through here because she can't say no. But jokes on them because that's how I became an arsonist as a child because all they had were matches and lighters and TV guides.

You've got to keep busy somehow. Yeah, Sweets of the Tales, it's a D giveaway. Is one on the list when you, you know, they have the special yellow or whatever colour it is, little flap of how much the price is, and you lift it up and it's exactly the same price? Yeah. Oh, no, that's not on this list, but that feels illegal.

Very cheeky. That's feels illegal. Very cheeky. That's cheeky. Very cheeky. What about at the end of the aisle? Just wait for the list to play out. I can't wait. I can't wait. I want to guess them all.

I've got exciting content, and I know you're both excited, but just let the list play itself out. That's definitely on her list. It sounds like that was on her list. The next one on the list is fragrant items in the front. So the moment you walk in, salivary. Oh, they always have flowers. They always have flowers.

Flowers or like. Or the fruit and veg. Hot choc. Oh, yeah, okay. You know? Yeah. Hot choc's never at the front of the supermarket. That's not at the front.

Yeah, sometimes it is. Oh, my old supermarket. I had them just outside. Yeah, you go in. Fruit and veg. And then on the left is the hot chocs in the deli counter. Hot chocs right in the back? You've got to walk through the produce.

No, it's right in the front. Our hot chocs are right at the back at my local supermarket, but they just hang one over the trolleys when you walk in. Almost like a mistletoe at Christmas. Just so it drips a bit of juice. Drips a bit of juice on the trolley. And you're just like, mmm. I remember some of that sage and herb stuffing.

Yeah. Here's what I sometimes go for. Sometimes pre-cut vegetables and fruits. Like often. Oh, no. I've got a pumpkin. I bought a cut up pumpkin because I hate cutting pumpkin. Pumpkins are hard to cut, eh?

And my knives are very blunt. Machete. I don't have one. No shit. I've got Like Cleavers Butcher's cleavers And anytime Sade's like Pumpkin

I'm like Stand back And you do You just go God it feels good Of course On a thick chopping board Oh yeah

You don't want to do that On the bench You've got a soft bench So those are always Like the pre-packaged Fruit and veg Cut up They're always

In a lot of plastic. Yeah, lots of plastic. And they put a price on the premium. Yeah, so much. The way that I look at pre-cut anything is that it's all the stuff that was like had a bit of mank on it and they're like, oh, we're going to cut this up. A bit of rock. 100%. And then they can charge like one and a half times.

Growing carts. Shopping trolleys have grown over the years. The larger the cart, the more likely you'll end up spending more. Have you been to Costco? I haven't been yet. Their trolleys are massive. Not only massive,

all four wheels steer. That's a nightmare. It's a nightmare. Could the three of us fit in a cart? Yes, we definitely could. Yeah, 100%. We could all sit in it. Easily.

We could all sit on it on the ground. That's huge. With our knees up. One, two, three. Really? Asking mum for chips. See, I'm a... Shardez,

the three of us. Ma'am. Ma'am, where's some chips? Yes, apparently they're getting bigger in it. Okay. You know,

it's the same thing as like if you're going to eat a meal, eat it on a smaller plate. It makes you feel like you've got more food. They hide the eggs. What? They hide the eggs? They do.

They do. They tend to put their eggs in weird places that keep you searching the aisles for them. If you think about where the milk and the eggs are in your supermarket, always the furtherest back corner because then you have to go all the way there even if you just need milk. Every now and then you

go to a supermarket and they're just in a weird, like the seventh aisle and you're like, huh? What are the eggs doing here? Apparently it makes you walk around the supermarket. Because you're always going to grab eggs. Pricier products at eye level. I think I've known this one. Yeah, they put the stuff that they make.

I remember talking to someone about chocolate. Yeah, right. Was it Willy Wonka? It was Willy Wonka. Because he knows about chocolate. Yeah, right. Was it Willy Wonka? It was Willy Wonka. Because he knows about chocolate. I think they were saying the supermarkets were making more of Whittaker's. Yes. So that's your eye line.

Yes. And then your other ones are lower. Cheaper are lower. That's right. And the last one on this list is slow music. Everyone did right now. I still listen to the Schaefer's Park New World playlist. It's got a cult following. It's so

good. Yeah. But it says every Wonder Why shops often have chilled tunes playing. They play it so that you're calm and not in a rush to leave the store once you like stay there for longer. Because the more that you're happy to sort of peruse in the aisles, the more you're going to go I do need that brand of mayonnaise.

All these little tips and tricks. Was Vaughan's one on the list, the stuff at the end? No. The loss leaders. They always have the cheap stuff at the end. Yeah. Get you in for that. And then while you're in there.

Grab a few more extras. You could have just told Vaughan no. I wanted him to wait for the list to play out itself. Delayed. Did you learn things from my list? Delayed disappointment right there. Yeah, it was good. You just put it in my list. No, no, no, no. I'm just things from my list? Delayed disappointment right there. Yeah, it was good. I just put it in my list.

No, no, no, no. I'm just wondering that my idea wasn't on the list. Add it to the list. The eighth tactic. Play it. CDM's Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley. Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley. Silly little poe.

Silly little poe. It is so silly, silly, silly. That silly little poe. Silly little poe. Silly little silly little pole Silly little pole Silly little pole Silly little pole Silly little pole Fake plants! Whoa!

Is it a yes or a no? I don't want to be judgy-wudgy, but they need to improve on them because they're so bad. They've got so much better than they used to be. Oh, really? Oh, you think about fake plants in like the 80s. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Like sometimes I'll be like, is this fake? And I'll squeeze it and then I'll rip half the leaf off and I'll be like, okay, yeah, that's real. Oh, yeah, yeah. It's like white stuff starts oozing out. You're like, oh, I'm not really for the fake plant. But I understand that people live in darker houses or apartments, whatever.

I have one fake plant. I was gifted it. It just sits in the dark corner. One of my friends that was looking after my place, looking after my cat, watered it. Oh, for God's sake. Good for me. So, I mean, that's an indication of a good fake plant, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're right.

Yeah. What's your plant issue? Yeah, well, I mean, that's an indication of a good fake plant, right? It is, actually. Yeah, you're right. Yeah. What's your plant issue at present? Yeah, well, I've got a variegated Monstera, Thai Constellation Monstera. Oh, it must be nice. Pause for applause. It must be nice.

Do we want to know how much this costs? A lot. Thai Constellation, Monstera, in-store at King's Plant Barn. Yeah, they've got everything. Everything you need. $300. Use my phone number if you go there, because I get a little discount

when it gets up to a certain amount. I've got my own bloody membership. It's not an elite membership that you've got. Use my number, and I'll get the deal. I nearly told you to. No! Urban Lush has them at $219.

Oh, that's good. Yeah, you can get them now. They used to be like $500. I think mine was like $400 a while ago. What? You didn't pay that, though. No. Yes.

You stole. Of course she paid it. It's Haber-Janes Brow. You didn't think I stole? I mean, are these the ones that were going for like $5,000 on Trade Me? Yeah, but the big ones. The big ones. Massive.

So you've got to make this big. Yeah, and I post a video because one of the white bits of the leaves, the variegated bit, that's the money. It went brown on the ends. And so I moved it away from the mess of my bench next to the oven, took a video, and everyone was like, move it from the oven. I was like, I'm not a dick. It doesn't live. It doesn't live next to the oven took a video and everyone was like move it from the oven. I was like I'm not a dick. It doesn't live next to an open

flame gas hob. What are you doing wrong to it? I don't know I just trimmed it and I shed a wee tear I trimmed about $100 off. Jeez. I know. But no I don't have any fake plants. Right. Real for life. Well 65% of people agree with us

and say no way, but 35% said yes to fake plants. It's easier. There's a place for it, like workplaces as well. Yeah. We could do with some in here. Michael says, fake all the way. I work at a farm and have to look after 2.5 million baby plants, so when I get home I don't want to work, so fake it is.

Oh, yeah, fake all. Yeah, okay. Yeah, that makes sense. 2.5 million baby plants. That's got to be like corn or okay. Yeah, that makes sense. Two and a half million baby plants. That's got to be like corn or something. Yeah,

can I have some please? That's a lot for just a corn. I think it's corn. Leanne says, fake looks great and I can't kill them so fake for me.

Yeah. Sarah. I just come around and I see a plant and I'm like, oh, that's fake. Yeah.

Sarah said, hooray, they never die. There's a lot of pro fake plants in the comments section. Well, people have been hurt. I was hurt for a long time

with my plants dying. Yeah, you struggled for a while but now, thriving. I know, apparently you just have to water them less. You are watering.

And more. Yeah. Right, more than nothing but less than every day. Yes, yes, yes. That's it. I can't help if I'm a gentle, caring lover. He is a gentle, caring lover.

With both his lovers and his plants. Fruit flies in here. Lisa says, super tacky. If you can't keep a plant alive, they need a plastic one for show. Take a look at yourself, dear Lord. Lisa's just swinging. Wow, Lisa.

Bronte says, The only plant I've looked after was at work. I brought it back to life, but then I drowned it and it had to be thrown out because of the smell. So fake plants all the way. We've all done that. And Kate said, Plastic is not fantastic.

That's the thing. Fake plants are always plastic, aren't they? What else are they made of? Yeah. Polyester and a... You used to get a furry felt covered. Yes. I remember the 80s plants had a furry felt covered to them.

Melissa says, yes, but you've got to dust them. Oh, yeah. You've got to dust your real plants too. You put them outside when it's raining and it washes the dust off. I can't do that, can I? Because I live in an apartment. You made that choice. You could have lived on a family size block.

Really raining, just hold the pot at arm's length out the window. I'm in an apartment. You made that choice. You could have lived on a family size block. Really ready to just hold the pot at arm's length out the window. Nothing could go wrong. Sometimes I'll just give them a shower. A rain shower. Cold though. I sit on the floor of the shower with my

plants around me and pretend I'm in the jungle. I thought you were going to say pretend you had friends. I was like, I'm sad. He's in the jungle I thought you were going to say pretend you had friends I was like he does too he's in the jungle with his plant friends yeah tacky AF

would rather my plants die from me neglecting them than have them last for a thousand years in a landfill a lot of passion coming through

yeah either way yeah it's one way or the other isn't it so there you go it's a little poll can't you have fruit fly

nah the bastard's really There you go. It's a little pile. Can't you have fruit fly? Nah, the bass is really... News yesterday that Netflix is putting on hold, delaying its rollout of the new account sharing rules in the United States. Oh, in the United States? Because I got another one yesterday when I logged on. It was like just a reminder. Yeah, you've got to set... If you I got another one yesterday when I logged on. It was like, just a reminder. Yeah, you've got to set... If you've got more than blah, blah, blah. You've got to set your primary household.

Yeah. I haven't had that on any of my... Really? Yeah, I haven't. So they've put it on hold in the US because they have noted a cancel reaction in areas where it's been introduced, including New Zealand. Yeah. So people are like... I don't need you then. I don't need you then. Cancel.

Yeah, I mean, I'm a little bit the same, but it hasn't happened to me, the Netflix, because my mum uses mine and me and Aaron share one. Are you sure your mum hasn't set her place as the primary location? No, because I can still use it. Oh, okay. Yeah, of course. I've just never had the prompt.

Well, also news that Amazon are rolling out a new feature. Now Amazon, like Netflix, nail it with the streaming. It's never really buggy, right? No, it's pretty good. It's always pretty solid. Amazon, if you've watched stuff on Amazon, they've got Fleabag, Jack Ryan,

they've got The Boys, quite a few good shows. You're of Pinkstown. Yeah, great shows. I find that is a little bit, they always put an ad on, eh? They always put a trailer for something. They put a trailer for another one of their shows at the start. Yeah, that's right. And then I always find sometimes it doesn't go back to where you had paused it. Yeah.

But it's got a really great feature that it will tell you whatever actor and music is in a scene. And that is because Amazon owns IMDb. Yeah, that is amazing. You pause it and it's linked to IMDb. I do it constantly on Amazon. It's so good. Who's that? Pause, click on them, see where they're from, call, back to the show, carry on.

So there's no way Netflix can get that, right? No. Not without a lot of effort. Yeah, I just don't think Amazon will let them. Well, Amazon are rolling out a new feature. It will help you understand. It's a new tool that adjusts sound so that you can understand movie and TV dialogue. Oh, okay.

That's cool. You can't hear them. Maybe your hearing's a bit gone. No, that's just why I always have subtitles on. Yeah. A lot of mumbly British accents as well sometimes. It might be a quiet show. So you can just turn up the voice and nothing else.

So you can turn down background music and effects. You'll be able to. And it all just uses AI. I love that. Yeah. So really good for people with hard of, just, I don't know, with hearing issues. Or yeah, if you're at the gym,

like you watch quite a bit of shows. Yeah, I've got noise-cancelling headphones on. But I just always have subtitles on when I watch anything as a sort of a backup. Right. God, there's lots of good stuff on here. I'm just having a look. It's been a long time since I've been on Prime,

even though I've been paying for it for years. It just sits there. I'm just looking through a list, too. The English Rules with Emily Blunt. What's that about? Oh, okay. She goes from England to America to find somebody. And it's the whole story.

It's all like set in the 1800s. I love Westerns. Huge Western fan. So kind of like Saving Private Ryan, but... No. Well, who's she finding? Well, that's kind of... Brian.

You can't really say. Brian. Well, do they not tell you who she's finding? Well, that's kind of... Brian. You can't really say. Brian. Well, do they not tell you who she's finding? Yeah, but not straight away. It's this twist away. Some turns you see. I've got to watch her meander around America for a little bit. No, no, no.

She's not meandering. She hits the ground running. Suddenly sounds like she's meandering. Absolutely running. Oh, they've got Shrek on here. That's great. Yeah, that too. Right?

Nice. Yeah, and Shrek too. That's great. Yeah, that too, right? Nice. Yeah, and Shrek 2. That's my long weekend sort of. And the Lord of the Rings series that cost a billion dollars that not too many people actually watched to the end. I know. What do they call it? The rate where people watch through?

Drop off. A drop off? Yeah, a drop off. Only 35% of people can finish it? Season two will be good. I put myself in there. Did you not finish? No, no, I did.

Oh, you did. Okay, right. Yeah. Just being in the minority over here. Another white minority. It's good because my friend's in it. I liked it. Yeah.

I like that world. Yeah, same. I think it's Tolkien. I think it's Tolkien. He knew what he was doing. I think he's got a big future in books. Right. Play. ZDM's Flet big future in books. Right.

NCEA is in the news. Changes to NCEA deferred so schools can prioritise maths and literacy. That's reading. Reading and... That's reading and arithmetic. So is this because those subjects are slipping? Yeah, apparently we're not doing great. We're not too good at dem numbers. Dem numbers and dem words.

The government will give skills a temporary alternative to a new online literacy and numeracy tests that many teenagers have found too hard. Well, suck it up, princess. Life's hard. Okay. The way Halfwood was,

we weren't even taught this. We were taught it. Like, in an exam, you'd walk out and you'd be like, no, that's not right because we just, that final section,

we weren't even taught that. No, we final section, we weren't even taught that. No, we weren't. We weren't even taught that. There's a high chance I wasn't taught that. No, you definitely were. There's a high chance I wasn't listening. You just weren't listening. Okay, that was it.

You just forgot to study. No, we weren't even taught. We weren't even taught in history. We weren't even taught about England. We never did the treaty. No, we never did that. No, no, no, we didn't touch it. That's so weird.

I don't remember doing when the letters came into mass. I don't remember any of that. Yeah. That's early. A load of BS. That's like fifth form, isn't it? No, no, it was the fourth form. Never used it.

Bet you have. No, I haven't. I bet you have because it's not just the numbers and stuff. I bet you have in some way. I haven't. Stats? Either. I Google or I use a quack-a-later.

A quack-a-later. But you have to know what to Google. Yeah, but I don't do anything with brackety numbers. Letters. Brackets you've got a problem with too. Brackety letters. I've got a problem with brackets and letters. What about when your auntie shares the thing on Facebook

that's like only 2% of people will get this maths one right? Or everyone is failing. And then the comments is just everyone screaming at each other about brackets. Yeah. Yeah, good stuff. Anyway, NCEA's got some other problems it needs to work on. I've got the top six things I think NCEA should teach us. Okay.

Give it to us. Number five. Number six. Oh, no. You can't do them numbers. You'll see why I've got them numbers all middled up in my hand. Number six. Five basic recipes. Oh, yeah. Oh, my hand. Number six. Five basic recipes.

Oh, yeah. Oh, my God. A spaghetti bolognese. Of course. A stir fry. Of course. Nachos. I haven't had a stir fry for ever.

Stir fries are easy. Oh, my God. We're like exclusively stir fry. I don't like them. I do so many. I don't like stir fries. You've got to get a good paste. You've got to get a good gooey paste.

You've got to get a goo sack. You've got to get a goo sack. I know you can get a goo sack. You've got to get a goo sack. I know you can get a goo sack, but I'd rather have the vegetables. Just steam them or something. Yeah, you just lightly. It always ends up soupy. It always ends up soupy. No, your pan's not hot enough.

Oh, get a hot pan, hon. You need a wok. Yeah. I do need a wok. Your wife's Asian. Do you not have a wok? We don't have a wok, racist. We don't have a wok.

No, I would say that most Asian people agree that... Your partner's Italian. Do you not have a pasta factory? I've got a pasta maker. Okay. Racist. She's got you there. You're racist.

I'm racist. We're all racist. I'm sorry to our Italian listeners for that overt racism that we just received. I'm sorry to our Asian listeners for that overt racism we just received for assuming they've all got woks text it now if you're Asian and you don't have a wok and I will say for shame for shame you've always got to have a wok

because you will get a soupy stir fry otherwise oh my god his vegetables are like soft I don't enjoy stir fries Yeah. Oh, my God. What are you doing? His vegetables are like soft. He's got a handle. Yeah, I don't know. I just don't enjoy stir fries. But I taught my daughter last night to make schnitzel. Smith schnitzel.

A roast would be another recipe, like how to roast a chuck. Easy. Yeah, just put it in the oven at a temperature for so long and rub some flavors on it that you like. Literally just get a packet out of the pantry and just go. I like that. So five basic recipes. It'd be a good out of the pantry and just go, here you go. I like that. So five basic recipes. It'd be a good idea.

I think it's a great idea because you leave home and you're useless. We had home ec in third form when we did cooking and sewing. Yeah. But then I got caught up

on like, what all do you wash the dishes in and blah, blah, blah. Just teach people how to make five basic recipes so when they leave home they're not that useless flatmate.

I'd just like to say I've opened the text machine and no Asian people have texted in to say that they don't have a walk because they all have a walk. Well they're really

all too busy. For shame Sade. You probably think Asians have got great work ethics do you as well? My wife doesn't have a job. Why are you shaming her? You're like her grandma.

You're like her mama. She's a bad Asian. When's Sade's birthday? 15th of February. Oh, are we going to get her a wok? Let's get her a real good iron wok and some new plates. And some new plates. Hers are all chipped.

I'm really surprised she still hasn't bought new plates. I know. All this bullying? All this bullying. I think you've almost ende hasn't bought new plates. I know. All this bullying? All this bullying. I think you've almost endeared the plates to her. She's like, no, those are our chipped plates. It's about time we come over for another dinner. I think we need to be invited around for dinner.

To roast her plates. And she cooks a soupy stir fry on her chipped plates. Yeah, and you bully her so much, she downs two bottles of wine, and I have to deal with the... I almost swore. I have to deal with... I have to deal with the fall I almost swore. I have to deal with the fallout.

Yes, I love this. You bullied her so much, she found solace in the bottle. It was a great night. It was a great night. Number one. I want to make a complaint. Number five on the list of the top six things

NCA should teach us. How to use a washing machine. You'll be amazed how many people leave home not knowing How to use a washing machine. You'll be amazed how many people leave home not knowing how to use a washing machine. If you're raising little humans, you're doing them a huge disservice by not teaching them how to use a washing machine. Or even how to get out

of stain. Yeah. Yeah. Anything. God damn it. You think you're looking after them, but you're just ruining them for whoever comes next. Number four on the list Of the top six things NCA should teach us How to back a trailer Oh my god

Crucial Yeah I don't know if I'm any good at that No I've tried It's the opposite Of what you think it is That's what I know You've got to use

The arse at the end of the car Yeah if you want it to go right You've got to turn the wheel left Very counterintuitive I've just got a loop at the manor So I don't need to ever reverse Oh you loop around Yeah it's nice

The loop You've got a beautiful loop At the manor And if you don't need to ever reverse. Oh, you loop around. Yeah, it's nice, the loop. You've got a beautiful loop at the manor. And if you don't get it in the right place the first time, you'll loop around again. I'll just keep looping. Slowly getting closer to where you need to be. Number three on the list of the top six things. We're about to punch out.

Yeah, it does feel like it's gone on. Top six, number three, tax stuff. Just that it exists. Yeah. I remember I did economics almost to the end. Yeah. And tax still surprised me. Yeah.

Yeah. I was, there was a grown up issue. It's an everybody issue. Uh, number two on the list of the top six things NCA should teach us how to change a flat tire. Not looking at anybody in particular, but. I can, no, I, you go that one, then the opposite one, then that one, then that one.

What did you just say? Oh, the knobs. The nuts. The nuts off. The nuts, yeah. The wheel nuts off. Yeah. You're doing opposite.

Jack it up. Yeah, I know how to do it. Get the jack up. Change the tyre. Don't drive around on a space saver. Oh, you know. You can get a couple of weeks out of those. Yeah, a couple of weeks.

Don't. And number one on the list of the top six things the NCAA should teach us. How to write a top six with a number one. That's number one. And look, you didn't get taught, and now look what's happened. There's no number one.

Thanks, education system. Thanks, Jacinda. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley. Hey, what'd you say before? Hell of a week for Auckland Zoo. Yeah. Wellington Zoo's like, look at us. We've got snow leopards.

Oh my God, I keep seeing videos of those snow leopards and I just want to pet them. I want to go. I want to go to the snow leopards. See the snow leopards. Yeah. Well, Auckland Zoo had the tiger chewing on a horse head. I love Auckland Zoo, by the way.

I think it's all the animals. I haven't been for a while. It's roomy. Yeah, it is roomy. It'sy it's really the giraffes come right up to you eh yeah if you're lucky to get the drafts um feeding time you get that tongue you hold a thing out and it comes out it goes big long tongues great it is a good zoo but yeah the problem there was people saw the horse head on the floor. Yeah. And obviously it wasn't a great sight.

Yeah. If I could make one suggestion for Auckland Zoo, it would be make sure the Tasmanian devils aren't hiding all the time because I love them. They're my favourite animal. Favourite at the zoo. Can you not just tap on the glass? That's what I was like, tap, whack, whack, whack, whack, whack, whack, whack.

Mine's also get some koalas. They're my favourite animal. You know what I mean? Yeah whack, whack, whack, whack, whack, whack, whack. Mine's also, get some koalas. They're my favourite animal. You know what I mean? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Where would we put them? Up a tree. Up a tree, perfect. Yeah, just...

There's trees there. Glue them on a tree. Don't glue them there. Don't glue them on the tree. Just bring them over. But the problem with koalas is everybody will be wanting to have photos of them

like at Dreamworld. Yeah. Yeah. I've done that. Oh my God, cuddles. They stink. I love them. You stink. Oh my god, cuddles. They stink. I love them. You stink. And that's how I got chlamydia.

Sure. Well, that's what you told your ex-girlfriend. That or the toilet seat. I don't know why. Yeah, I just sat on the toilet seat. Yeah, oops. So yesterday at Auckland Zoo, if you're familiar with Auckland Zoo, what used to be where the hippopotamuses were. Yeah. And now they've taken

down the fence and it joins up to the back side of the African exhibit with the rhinos. And there's water there. And a guy jumped over the fence and jumped into the water. Now was he not? He was arrested by police. He was, yes. Pretty quickly. Yes, yes, yes.

Was he all together with it? I would hazard a yes. You'd say no, yes, yes. Was he all together with it? I would hazard a yes. You'd say no, right? And this guy was not thinking straight. No. To put it politely. Now, is it rhinos that kill more? Hippopotamus.

It's hippopotamuses that are the killer. Because people can't see them. They're ferociously territorial. Amazingly fast for a little fatty, too. Little stubby little short legs. Under the water. Yeah. And they'll just charge you.

And they can open their mouths four foot wide, so they'll take a whole kid. My God, that's like... Warmth. Massive. If the hippos were still in there, there wouldn't have been much left for this guy to be arrested. The hippos are the ones that Pablo Escobar had at his agenda.

And they got hit by a car. Yes, one died last week. Yeah, so one died like, yeah, last week. Yeah, but they're also like feral and an invasive species that are just like taking over

Colombian waterways. Yeah, but cute. Until you're in one of their mouths. Yeah. Yeah, they're pretty cute.

Well, this guy, yeah, he jumped the fence. He was swimming around in the water like washing his hair. Oh,

yeah, no, he's not. The video's crazy. Somebody put it on Instagram. Auckland, you're a strange place. Someone just jumped in the rhino enclosure for a swim. Thought he was a zookeeper at first because of course they do shit like that. No, he's not. The video's crazy. Somebody put it on Instagram. Auckland, you're a strange place. Someone just jumped in the rhino enclosure for a swim.

Thought he was a zookeeper at first, because of course they do shit like that all the time. No, no, no, no. Then he was just in with the rhinos. So why didn't this rhino kill this man? Apparently the rhino moved to the other end of the enclosure. Oh. Right.

Well, the rhino was even just like, what is happening here? Oh, no, no, no, no. Let's move away. Come on, everybody. Let's go down this end of the road. Yeah. I mean, if he jumped into the lions or the tigers,

that would have been a different story. Yeah. Oh, God. Imagine seeing it. It would certainly put to bed this, like, lingering thought I have in the back of my head. I could take a tiger if it really got to bed. Oh, my God.

Why do you hate it? What would you do? I know, but every now and then I'm like, but, like, what, would you go up a tree? No, that'd be up there. No, you punch it in the nose. You punch it in the nose. It would be too quick.

This is, when I start thinking about it, every like possible option I have for surviving a tiger attack or even beating a tiger. Yeah. It'd be, even if I had a gun, it would be on me before I could shoot it. Vaughn, believe in yourself. You need to believe in yourself. Yeah. I believe in you. Vaughn, believe in yourself. You need to believe in yourself. Yeah.

I believe in you. I believe you can take a lion. If I had a stick and I tried to keep it in an arm's length, I believe it would just batter that straight out of my hands. A stick? That's so strong. All I would need is a stick. Have you tried putting a cat in a carrier cage to take it to the vet

when it doesn't want to go? It's just like, it just locks. Here I stop. And you're like, you are a tiny, tiny little puss. Yeah. I should be able to handle're like, you are a tiny, tiny little puss. Yeah, you are. I should be able to handle you. I've got a little ball that has a feather on it and inside's a bell. I'll just take that and be like, ding-a-ding-a-ding-a-ding.

And then throw it. Because it works with my cat every time. Yeah, a little stick with a string on it. A string on it. Okay. And then... What about a laser pointer? The tiger's coming at you

and I'm like, I understand you wish to eat me. You're in Africa and it's like coming up to you. Just get it on a laser pointer. What's that? What's that? What's that over there? Just backing away. What's that over there? Your chance to win Lizzo tickets

just a couple of minutes away. Play ZM's Fletch Vaughan and Hayley. Now, I just inhaled. You know when your spit kind of hits the back of your throat and you inhale it in? One moment, please, caller. Talk amongst yourselves. Oh, my daughter asked for a Frank Green drink bottle.

What? No, not worth it. Did she? Yeah, she's like, I've been meaning to ask. Oh, that's so cute. She's worked She's like, I've been meaning to ask. Oh, that's so cute. She's worked up the courage. I've been meaning to ask, can I get a Frank Green drink bottle? I was like, what do you need one of those for?

She's like, well, people like them. Everyone's got one. I was like, yeah, but that doesn't mean. Oh, but you can't be that dad that goes to Kmart and just gets her a $2 one. Yes, you can. They look cute. The Kmart ones are cute. I was thinking of them.

They leak. Painting her one. Oh, my God. You should get her a Kmart one and then, yeah, just like write the letters on it. Frank Green! That's what I was real bad at. I'll get my friend with a Cricut. You know a Cricut?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'll get my friend with a Cricut to write Frank Green. Yeah, do that. I'm going to stick it on a bottle. It could be do a new one because this one's got a dent and it's quite mouldy and I can taste the mould. She could have that. I don't know. It's mouldy.

Do you know what I saw the other day day they've started doing wine bottle coolers. Yes. Like the Huskies or the Yetis. Frank Green has. Yeah. My throat is clear. I can now share. We're done with you.

You don't want my thing? You shush. Yeah. Please don't silence a woman, Vaughn. No, I've been silenced. It's not the fact that she's a woman. She's just annoying. It's not, please don't get me wrong.

That she's got a walk. It's not a sexist thing. Is it a racist thing? It's neither that. It's not that either. It's not that either. It's just, I'm just, anybody. God, there's some tension in this room.

There's not. Please carry on. I'm just, now I'm in a silly mood and I really want to derail. I'm in a silly mood too. I really want to derail the entire show. I want to go do something crazy. I want to see, I want Ross Boss to arrive with that look on his face

where he's already heard from someone. Yeah yeah he hasn't heard it he'll arrive and you can tell i know i've known ross for like 20 years yeah and he arrives and i can tell if he's angry because he heard it or he heard about it from someone which is worse slightly different look on the face one sees that look with ross about two times a week. Couple of times a week. And I go, and he goes So I want one of those ones today. Okay. Alright. Now this article doesn't seem that fun. Anyway,

this is an article I read last night and I was like, what? Surely not. It looked at the stress of people, of adults between 20 and 70 over a 20 year period. Wait, so the 20 year olds straight out the womb and they were taking data, interviewing them.

And it looked at how they manage their stress levels, what they experience at each age and how their stress levels are impacted by that. And this research has concluded that our 20s, supposedly the best years of our lives, are our most stressful years. What? I think maybe you don't know how to manage it. There's a whole lot of new experiences in the 20s. Yeah.

And it's when you start expecting things from you. When you're like teenagers and you're learning. But that's not stressful. That's life. I know, but you don't know how to process it and you don't know how to do it. The 30s are the best years? Yeah, I very much enjoyed my 30s.

I'm loving my 30s, but I'd say they're also the most stressful. Yeah, but 40s so far has been a hoot as well. Yeah. But 20s was fun, but you don't know who you are yet. I don't think you really know who you are. Do you know who you are yet? Now, I feel like I'm getting there. Okay.

Right. I'm open to... Dabbling? Not dab. Not... I can see the eyebrows. You're both... I think this is a sexual thing, but it's not.

It's not. No. It's not. Not for Vaughan, no. He hasn't landed there. You're open to learning things about yourself, though. I think that's a very important thing. No, I'm sorted.

You're sorted. You're locked in. You're locked. Nothing changes from here. Perfect think that's a very important thing. No, I'm sorted. You're sorted. You're locked in. You're locked. Nothing changes from here. Perfect. Bit of a hot mess. Yeah. Fun to be around.

Yeah. That's it. That's you. Fun hot mess. Fun hot mess. So they say things like your final years of uni, starting your first proper job and starting a career, career setbacks, drifting from close friends, you know,

when you're a child and you're like, oh, all those people are gone now, moving out, getting on the property ladder, identity crises. Yeah. They say it's a very turbulent decade. That's a wobbly microphone. That's not my fault. You were touching.

No, I accidentally, I was gesticulating. Put your sack under it. Listen to this. That is bad. That's not me. It's wobbling. That's this operation. Is that what it's been this whole time? There's been some like thunder in my ears. It's this. It's Va me. It's wobbling. That's this operation. Is that what it's been this whole time?

There's been some like thunder in my ears. It's this. It's Vaughan wobbling his microphone. Please stop doing that. It's not me wobbling it. It's a wobbly microphone. That must be awful in the car stereos. We apologize.

Or great for the bass. Stop it. Oh my God, stop it. Okay. Anyway, so if you're feeling stressed in your early 20s, you're not alone. They said that between your 20s and your 70s, they say in your 50s, chill as.

I think I've experienced stress lately. I'm not a stress guy. I don't get stressed. I feel like the pandemic and doom and gloom times have caused a lot more anxiety and stress in the last few years. Yeah, but I always take, you know, there's always somebody in a significantly worse situation. 100%.

And, you know, put it all in context. But I've been stressed lately because I've been dealing with a place that has my phone. Oh, my God. I feel your stress. I haven't been keeping everybody that listens to the show up to date. I can't wait for the final update. Wait, can we get an update today? But I actually lost my cool.

And you might be thinking, Vaughn Smith, that's a cool character. He's a cool cat. He doesn't lose his cool. If he does, it's generally for a comedic purpose. Yeah. There was nothing funny about my meltdown the other day. Wow, yeah, it's been, what, seven weeks and you still don't have your phone? It has not been seven weeks.

It has been two, two, eight, ten, eleven. Yeah, I was going to say it feels like months. It has been nigh on three months. I hate this for you. So does it say, so 20 is the most stressful decade. Does it kind of order them or rank them? Like you said, 50s is quite chill. Yeah, 50, it basically goes up, up, up, up, up, up,

peaks at the 20s and goes down, down, down. And then I guess maybe sort of in your 70s start getting stressed about dying and stuff. I wonder how people, when you get to that age you don't stress about it. You're just like your friends start dying. Yeah, and you're very sort of, it's true. And you're like, okay, so we're in that chapter

of... Because I'm so afraid of dying. The idea of dying, the idea of me not existing because the world is about me. You've said this before and I don't know if I've ever told you it sounds the most narcissistic thing that you could say. I know, but my world is about me. I've said this before, and I don't know if I've ever told you, it sounds the most narcissistic thing that you could say. My world is about me. I'm the main character of my own world. And the idea of me not existing anymore is so sad to me.

But then when my grandparents were done, I mean, it's sad to everyone listening. She's not going to be alive, but she's very worried about how sad it's going to be when the world is not. When you, for me and everyone. When you die, you just get replaced by another character on the show that is life. No, I don't.

They might recast you before you even die. What? With Melanie Bracewell. Wouldn't be the first bloody time either. It's just, it's a ratings thing. Yesterday was a big day, wasn't it? I just got every bloody billboard. Play ZM's Fletch Vodden Ailey Play ZM Yesterday was a big day, wasn't it? Got every bloody billboard

You couldn't escape me Because our podcast, Sex.Life Has been released Yes, with sexologist Morgan Penn Indeed You listened at the game I listened on the way home from the gym I tuned to and from

And I was walking along and laughing And people were looking I was driving along and laughing and people were looking I was driving along the Northwestern motorway listening to The final stanza where We talk about a rather large appendage That has its nickname And it is said over and over again

And I looked to my right and As she screamed it in the podcast I saw Hayley Sproul waving at me And I was like This is very meta. Hi. Hi. I've also received an email from one of our bosses, Jason.

Can we just say for those that don't know, the Missy announcement yesterday and the launch of the podcast, it's out now. You can get it wherever you podcast. Yes. iHeartRadio, Apple Podcasts, Spotify. And the main question, we got an email from Jason saying basically, I feel like I know you way too much

for a professional relationship. But that is kind of what the podcast is. You know, you can't avoid it. You open up about a lot of things. Really do open up. And this is the time to talk about feelings, isn't it? Because our friend Morgan shared on Instagram that she was feeling very vulnerable, very nervous

to be so open and of course this is her story that she's telling on this podcast and it is outrageous and some of the things will shock you. Especially we just recorded ep 5? 6? 6?

Ep 6 and like oh my god so every episode of the podcast is about a day in the life of Morgan as she attends a underground

secret sex school in rural New Zealand I've been asked by a lot of friends who listened to the podcast yesterday where the school is

because you never say you will never say we'll never say it no one's named I'm thinking of running one at my house just because there seems to be so much interest yeah right yeah yeah and you've got Never say. We'll never say it. No one's named. I'm thinking of running one at my house. Just because there seems to be so much interest.

Yeah, right. Yeah. Yeah, and you've got a bit of property, which is great. Yeah. I mean, you can see most of it from the road. That'd be a problem if you haven't listened to it. If one, something happens with the land that I think potentially could be quite a fright to those driving past. It's a wild episode. I cannot wait to listen to the other one.

So many people are saying, like, I really wish we had dropped two episodes, you know, like because at one we're kind of setting everything up and establishing it and that's the whole thing of this podcast is every week you're just going to be going, I need to know what happens next. And it escalates. I would say every episode escalates.

It does. It does. It's wild. Because you know some of these stories. Oh, yeah. I remember Morgan coming back and telling me. We were just drinking one night and she told me. I was just like, what the hell?

Honestly. Wild. But, yeah, if you haven't subscribed yet, like and subscribe. Listen to the first episode, Sex Not Life, wherever you podcast. Remember to give it a nice, give it a rating. You don't have to, you can give it whatever rating. I gave it a two. I want to keep you humble. I like to keep

my friends on their toes. I don't want to say too nice of things to them. We are rocking a 4.7 so that your twos really brought it down. If that was an Uber, that means somebody's vombed in the Uber. Someone's had a chunny in the Uber. Someone's had a chunny in the Uber if you've got a 4.7.

There's a soilage thing. I mean, it is Hayley. Someone soiled themselves. It's likely. Yep. Play. ZM's Fletch Vaughan and Hayley. So there is a strange relationship that I didn't even know existed.

And I was like, what an unexpected pairing. Jamie Lee Curtis and Jake Gyllenhaal. Now, she is his godmother. Oh, so that explains the whole story then. But I didn't know this. Because this story came out, I'm assuming he's doing some press for the new Guy Ritchie movie that he's in, which looks quite good. Yeah, and Jamie Lee Curtis came.

He's like, hello, we're in a war. Oh, is this the one? I'm in a bloody war. Is this the one with Henry Cavill in it as well? Rogue? Oh, I don't know what it's called. Is it Guy Ritchie? Yeah.

You know I love Guy Ritchie. Google it. I know I love a Guy Ritchie movie. I love a Guy Ritchie movie too. I love a Guy Ritchie. Even the ones that people don't love, I love. Well, because this is why. No, that's not Operation. He went to the premiere ofie. Even the ones that people don't love, I love. Well, she, because this is why.

No, that's not Operation. He went to the premiere of it. It's called The Something. I can see it in the picture behind him. The Covenant. Yeah. Yes, that's it.

That's it. It's got Anthony Starr in it. Sorry to talk over you. No, please do. I just wanted to give praise to a New Zealand actor, Anthony Starr. Oh, really?

Okay. We're proud of him. We're very proud of him. But this is why people are talking about it, because he took her as his date to the premiere of The Covenant. And there's all these cute pics, and they're holding hands, and they're just so sweet. She's looking a little proud, like a mum.

And then they were doing an interview, and Jamie Lee Curtis revealed that he lived with her for a year during lockdown. Isn't that strange? Well, that makes total sense if she's the godmother. Yeah, but people aren't close with their godparents, really. Yeah, that's right. Your parents' friends or something like that.

That's my Uncle Murray. Is that your godparent? Who's your godparent? Uncle Murray's the fireworks importer. Yeah, if he hasn't done it, I've told you, he got out of the game. He was in the game for the shortest period of time. Oh, does he got any left? No.

Now, is he married to the auntie that makes the lovely custard squares? Oh, my God, yes. I've got two of my favourite things are covered there. Fireworks and custard squares. Our condolences to her because of the egg shortage. She'll be absolutely devastated at the moment. Yeah, she will be. Thank you for your thoughts.

I'll be sure to pass them on. Please do. Do you have godparents? I don't. I don't think so. You don't? We're heathens. We weren't christened or baptised or anything. Right. Yeah. Would you like me to do that now? No! Get it away from me! Hayley will burst into flames.

Do not throw water around this desk. No, I'm just going to come and rub it on your forehead. I'm going to baptise you. This is hundreds of thousands of dollars as technical equipment and you can't be throwing water around like you're some religious. I don't want to be baptised from your system. I'm a baptised from your saslama. Yeah. My kids baptise each other in the bath.

Oh, my God. It's stupid. I don't know where they got the idea from, but, man, it cracks me up. Anyway, everyone was like, I can't believe, like the image of Jamie Lee Curtis and Jake Gyllenhaal living together, just having a little dinner, watching a bit of telly and stuff is quite humorous to me.

And I wanted to know if maybe you've ever had a strange flatmate, something kind of unexpected. A pairing, an odd pairing. I thought you'd say a parent. Like, yeah, that'd be sort of strange if you lived in a flat and then, you know,

your mum left your dad and your dad was useless without your mum and he had to move in with you. I guess when you're flatting, you want kind of all the similar age, right? Like there's nothing worse than if you're in your 20s flatting and you're partying and then you get someone that's like in their 30s and they're like,

guys, I've got work the next morning. No, I had a friend who was the same age as me, but this was like 10 years ago. We're in our 20s. And she lived with a 50-year-old woman. Right. Yeah, and I was like, strange. But do you think they liked the parental...

Was it more like a board situation? No, no. They took all the dinners and stuff? No, no, no, no. They were just a flatmate. It worked. Cooked for themselves and da-da-da-da-da. And I was like, what a strange relationship.

Big gap. Big gap. Big gap. Big gap. Yeah, because it would make it hard flatting, right? Yeah, totally. You could kind of be on the same page enough to flat. But as you say, if someone's like partying. But then it would be even weirder living with a 50-year-old

who was like, yeah, let's party. Or flatting with like someone in the drama and arts that doesn't have a full-time job and is like up until four years. And wants to pay their rent with hugs and a dramatic and a dance and an interpretive song. Yeah. Please don't take any of this personally. Oh, no, no, no, no.

It's not personal at all. A friend of mine lives with someone and they don't speak any English. And he was like, it's really like a strange way of learning to live and communicate with someone. And I was like, what do you know about him? He was like, he eats chicken nuggets and almost exclusively chicken nuggets. And he doesn't speak English. But how do you tell

them like the rents, dude? You have to Google translate. I'm sure he would understand some kind of like basic English, but not enough that they can hold a conversation. Wow. Yeah, it's sort of amazing. I was like, how do you communicate? Just sort of move around the house. Okay, well 0800 dials in our number. Give us a call. You can text as well, 9696.

Do you have an unusual flatmate or have you had one in the past? Something unexpected. Like a little dynamic that's not your usual. Or maybe you've lived with your godparents, like Jamie Lee Curtis and Jake Gyllenhaal. We are wanting to know if you've had a strange flatmate.

Jake Gyllenhaal and Jamie Lee Curtis lived together during lockdown. Strange or like just an odd pairing. Unexpected. But maybe it works. Why are you living? Like after I watched that, you know, preschool for four-year-olds or whatever, the older folks

home for four-year-olds, I was like maybe later in life if we don't have kids which we definitely won't live with an old person and look after them and have their wisdom around. It'd be lovely. Live with an old person. Wait, you're not the old person? No, no, no.

I'm the young person still. No, you'll be the old person by then. Excuse me. I'm only 21. Gina, good morning. What was the unusual flame? Is it Gina? Sorry. Gina. Oh, sorry, Gina. I don't think there's unusual... Is it Gina? Sorry.

Oh, sorry, Gina. I don't think there's a single person on earth called Gina. I apologise, Gina. This is really... This is just unprofessional. That's a great start. Yeah. Of anyone on the show that's going to accidentally say Gina.

Gina, my apologies. Have you ever been called Gina before? I used to get bullied in school for it. on this show that's going to accidentally say Jaina. Gina, my apologies. Have you ever been called Jaina before? I used to get bullied in school for it. Oh, my God, Fletch! Oh, no. You thought I was bullying. Cancelled. Oh, don't worry.

People used to call me Gailey Smells, so. Oh, no. That's all right. All right. Gina, now, what was the unusual flatmate pairing? Okay, so I moved up last year to this area. I won't say what area. And I moved in with this old lady, or older than me.

I'm quite young. How old are we talking? She would have been in her late 40s to 50s, I'd say. I love that you just called a woman in her 40s an old lady. You're my old one day, Jaina. You're so stupid to me. Do you want us to call you Jaina again? You'll be old, Jaina.

Yeah, yeah. You haven't seen bullying yet. You just called someone in their 40s old. I'm a lady. Carry on. Anyway, her house looked really nice. I met her, sat down,

had a talk and stuff. It was lovely. I moved up and I had to go home about a month living in her house, a month and a half, to see my mum. She was in hospital. So tough times. And then I come home and she's gone through my room, rearranged everything, changed my bed sheet.

Ooh, ooh. Ooh, ooh. Like. Ooh, ooh. No, no, no. Yes. Get out of there, old lady. When I sat down to confront her, because I was like, I pay for this personal space. She was like, oh, there was a mouse in your room.

And I was like, oh, where's the trap? And she was like, couldn't even look me in the eye or anything. And yeah, I got out of there as soon as I could, basically my god yeah she's like mothering you yeah yeah it was so strange and like so when i got home that night i was actually picking up my vehicle to go see my boyfriend who lives up here who i now live with okay um and i walk in and she's like i don't realize you'd be home tonight and it's like I don't have to tell you when I come and go. Oh, yeah, she was mumming you. She was like a mum. Did she not

have kids of her own maybe? And then she was like, I'll take this one. She had kids of her own, yeah. Were they there as well or they'd left? No, they'd left. Oh, so she just wanted to be a mum again. Yeah, her house leaked too, so. I'm glad. It's New Zealand.

A lot of them do leak. To be clear, they all leak. That's just quite a problem we've all got, really. Gina, thank you for your call. Some messages in. My landlord's chickens invite themselves in. And I throw them out and they say, don't do that.

Are they being too rough with the chickens? I don't want to live with a chicken. No. Oh, yeah. And I, like, throw them out, and they say, don't do that. Are they being too rough with the chickens? I don't want to live with a chicken. No, chickens, no. My flatmate's parents went to Europe for a month. They left all seven of his siblings in his care. He would go back home to look after those children. They don't send the children to the flat to be looked after. Yeah.

Weird. Seven. Yeah, too many. My mother-in-law moved in because of a relationship breakdown and she said it won't be for long. And she stayed for four years. Oh, no. Let's move out.

You've got to read the room. You don't want it here. Read the spare room you're staying in. You're not wanted. Read the spare room, Mum. Yeah. I're not wanted. Read the spare room, Mum. Yeah. I had a strange flatmate in the sense that he would often miss the toilet with number twos.

Now, a splash on a number one. You're sitting down. Is he a hoverer? I don't know. You only hover on a public toilet. The final straw was when I found some poo on the door of the front load of washing machine. Oh, get out.

No. Okay, yeah, yeah. Who's raising these people? I'm constantly thinking whenever I look at my children, I'm like, am I raising them to like... A nice standard. Yeah, to survive by themselves and not be the person everybody has to have a flat meeting about.

You're trying to raise them so they don't poo on the floor and get it on the walls. I mean, you shouldn't think that's that hard. That's the lowest part of the bar. Yeah. Play it. ZM's Fletch Vaughan and Hayley. Last night.

What time is this time? She hasn't, because she sent me some screen caps, but I don't have a timestamp of what time this email rolled into my wife's inbox. Okay. Club Med Cancun trip. May. Oh, my God. This is definitely a scam. And she read it and she's like, Club Med Cancun trip May Oh my god This is definitely a scam

And she read it And she's like Oh my god Do you think this is a scam? Yes Now if you're asking It probably is Of course it is

It feels scammy as Hi Sade Hope you've had a lovely week so far We are so excited to invite you To an unforgettable experience At Club Med Cancun In beautiful Mexico From the 7th

to the 13th of May, 2023. Join us for six nights of relaxation, adventure, and exploration in one of the most breathtaking locations in the world. It's beautiful. You've been to Cancun. I've been to Cancun. It's kind of like the Gold Coast of Mexico. Right.

With three white sand beaches and the world's second largest coral reef stretching across the Caribbean Sea, Club Med Cancun offers guests the chance to relax in paradise explore ancient mayan ruins experience authentic mexican cuisine hello my scam alarms going off enjoying a ray of water and land sports and a variety of activities for families and kids of all ages what's included and and it's not like you know when you're reading a scam there there's like weird punctuation and spelling mistakes and stuff. It's all put together. Well, this is definitely a scam. What's included?

Six nights at Club Med Cancun's all-enclosive accommodation from the 7th to the 13th of May, 2023. Yeah. Return economy flights for one. Hotel transfers to and from the airport. All meals, snacks, and an open bar. Hello. Hello.

Flexible itinerary with opportunities for relaxation and free time Discover ancient ruins, enjoy local cuisine and nightly entertainment Note, additional guests are welcome with flights at their own cost Please find the invitation attached and it's further in than it's from Amy And I'm just like, I scroll down and it's Amy And she works at a social media and PR company in Australia Of course she does Yeah, of course she does.

And I Googled them. I clicked on the link in the signature, and it checks out. Anybody can make a website, Vaughn. Yeah. It's official. And then, like, clicked on the link to the map, and the Google Maps in Australia had that business at that location. Yeah, but you can register a business at any location.

Why would they send your wife overseas on a weird mystery trip that she was approached on social media? Wait, you think this is real? It is real. No. Because she replied to them. And she was like, what's the story? Can I have some more information?

Wait, so she just goes and what? She just posts about it online. I guess that's the thing. It's to promote it. It's a famil. They reference it a few times in the email as being a famil, which is like if you work in tourism, you can go to other tourist stuff. So you can recommend it to people to familiarize yourself.

Because you know there are a lot of scams going around at the moment. There's a lot of scams. Shannon at the social media recently fell for the toll road scam, if you get a text. Yeah. I thought Jared was putting his hand up. I've fallen for that too. No.

Yeah. And you filled out your credit card details. You have to get a new credit card now. Still don't have a card. Still can't go and buy food. All my subscriptions have bounced.

Now what do you reckon about this email? Listen, I don't trust my gut at the moment but I'm dubious of any link right now. There's no links. There's no clicking any links.

They're going to get her to Cancun and they're going to harvest her organs. Yeah, they will. We're so excited to invite you. Bart, open bar. Yeah. Do you get the open bar before they harvest your organs? They would not want my organs after an open bar

and all the meals and no questions asked. They're like, we've brought a dud over. Additional guests welcome with flights at your own cost. So I can go and I can stay for free, but I have to pay for my own flights. But you can't go because you can't get off work. But it's the 7th and the 13th of May. Yeah, we've got work.

What have we got on? Work. Work. And that's my comedy fest. You don't want to be missing that. My show. 9 to the 13th. Are we going in New Plymouth?

There's no point saying it twice. I want New Plymouth to be a fresh and exciting experience. You'll support me on their premiere season. Of course you will be. Yeah, okay. Don't act silly. You've got the tickets. We've got holidays coming up in July.

I know. So you can't have a holiday before the holiday. But then I said to Shadow, I was like, go. Like, go. See if one of your girlfriends wants to go and then go halves of their in the flight. So technically, you know. It's two weeks away. Two and a half weeks away.

But that's why, right? Wait, so they want to fly here in two. This isn't real. No, it's not real. But why can't we go? It's not real unless we're invited. Oh, you have got work. No, you have got work.

Go for your go and we'll broadcast from. But you've got comedy. You can't beam into the. Screw comedy. I would cancel. She'll cancel a comedy fest. I'll cancel. I'm for COVID.

Let's go. Let's go to Cancun. It's wild that they would just do that. Yeah. So they want people to like promote it. I assume so. It's a scam. No, it's not a scam.

Is she going to go? Well, I'm trying to convince her to go. I'm trying to convince her to I assume so. It's a scam. No, it's not a scam. Is she going to go? Well, I'm trying to convince her to go. I'm trying to convince her to find one of her girlfriends that will go and go. And she was like, oh, I can't go if you don't go. I was like, I will reference last year when I went to Disneyland and didn't even question for a second leaving my family behind. And then you brought them all COVID. I was like, ta-ta, family.

Daddy's off to Disneyland. That's right. That was a work trip, though, wasn't it? That-ta, family. Daddy's off to Disneyland. That's right. That was a work trip, though, wasn't it? That was a work trip. Well, this was work. She's influencing. That's what I said. I was like, do it. But she's like, oh. But see, what's going to happen is she's going to be like, I'll go. Great. And then they'll be like, okay, here,

just chuck in your credit card details here for the hotel, and then it's a scam. This is a scam. It's 100% a scam. They'd just be like, oh, no, I'll just put it on there when I get there. I might need to go to protect her. Yeah, I think you need to go.

If you can't go because of work. And I'll go to protect you. I am. And then Vaughn can just do the show. Somebody messaged in, it's a timeshare hook. But it's not. It's Club Med. Club Med's not a timeshare.

Isn't it? And Sharnay's not that stupid. If it is, then who cares? No, that's what she, and I said, that's what I said. I said, I'd sit through a day, if you're going for a whole week

of free food and free drink, I'd give them a day of my time to sit through some dumb timeshare. I'm not going to be convinced. Yeah. Now she could be convinced. And you're not there. Especially if they've got the open bar.

And you're not, well that's why they have the open bar. Oh, she does get loose lips. She gets, woo! And then we're on the hook for a bloody timeshare. Okay, well, it sounds like...

No one's doing timeshare anymore, eh? What a wild time the 80s were when people were buying timeshares. They are in America. It's bad news. Terrible. Yeah. Awful. Play ZM's Fletch for the Daily.

Play ZM. There is a body language expert who has advised the three things you should never do if you're wanting to make a good first impression. And this, they say, is particularly if you're somewhere comfortable like the house or whatever. Maybe flatmates, you know, coming over or a date. This is how, this is what you don't do. Some of these I've been told before, actually. Never cross your arms and legs. Now, I cross my legs

all the time. But that's kind of blocking yourself off from people, isn't it? Totally. And in my marching team, you're not allowed to have your arms in front of you because it's hostile. So when you march, when you're talking, you can have your arms behind your back. I'm a big arm crosser. But it is hostile. It's blocking. So I lean

away from you and I cross my arm. Yeah. That's why a lot of people ask, what's wrong with Vaughn? He's on the defensive. Does he not like me? He won't be caught short again. Yeah. Not after that time that he was struck with a knight's sword.

That's right. Aha! I lean back and I shield myself. Well, they say It's yeah It gives off a negative energy You want to keep your body language As positive as possible

Maybe you're on a first date Very closed off So What about crossing the legs? That's like Protecting your privates I know But crossing your legs

I don't think that's hostile It's a bit sexy It's a bit relaxed So you just sit like that Yeah If we were on a date Where would I put my arms in Just like

Behind your head I think up and out Like Jesus Like Jesus Hello Christ the redeemer So tell me about What you do for a living

Arms down But then Here's the second one You see their pits Like you've got a bit of a stain On your pit there You've got a little sweat one Oh tiny little

Just a little Sweat stain But then the next one It's like so So now we're not allowed To cross arms And we're not allowed To cross legs and your pip there. You've got a little sweet one. Oh, tiny little sweet stain. But then the next one, it's like, so now we're not allowed to cross arms and we're not allowed to cross legs.

The next one is then don't sprawl. Like sprawl out. Especially on the sofa, you can't, like it's good to appear relaxed, especially on a date, but sprawling out

is a little bit too much too soon. So what if you're inviting someone over for a Netflix and chill? Do you just sit upright with your hands on your leg? They say spread-eagling, while

it is one of the most comfortable ways to sit, you need to be respectful of other people's space. They might not feel as relaxed lounging next to you straight away and want to ease into it at their own pace. And if you're bloody sprawling like an old couple too much.

Yeah, right. And the last one that you shouldn't do to make a good first impression is don't perch on the edge of your seat. What are we allowed to do? Stand up with your arms out. So they say even though sprawling on the sofa is a no-go, it's important not to go too far in the other direction either. Coming across as tense or nervous. So you're like not

relaxed at all. You're perching on the edge of your seat, literally. Goodness. So then he's given some tips of positive body language. For men, lots of eye contact. Sitting away from others so you have more space and blink a lot. For women, wiggle

your feet. Crossing and uncrossing legs. Touching face or neck. They said don't cross your legs. So why would Crossing and uncrossing legs Touching face or neck They said don't cross your legs So why would I be uncrossing my legs, you bloody hypocrite For both, pupils dilate How do you do that? Go dark

Go dark and then And come out and be like, look at my pupils Don't do that, I wouldn't think that's Mirroring where your date's glass goes. So you're just picking up a drink and then you'd put it down and I'd put mine down. In the same place. That's a bit psychotic.

And light touches on the arm. Slight little light touch. That sounds weird. This date you're describing sounds really weird. It does sound weird. Awkward. I don't think it's date two. Sounds like I'm being stitched up.

Yeah. No date two for you guys. Play. ZM's Fletchvorn and Hayley. Fact of the day is about sloths. Oh, cute. Yeah. I don't want to brag, but I saw some sloths in January.

Did you? IRL. In a tree. Oh. Were they moving or were they just like chill? I saw a baby sloth. It was like, yeah, they're super cute. Super cute.

They're really hard to see though. Like if you ever get the chance to like spot them. Yeah. You've either got to be with like someone, like a guide. A sloth spotter. And you've got to have one of those telescopy things. Binoculars. Yeah, but they're like a single one.

Yeah, that's a telescope. You know like those, yeah, a telescope. And you put it on a pole. A binocular. Or you just find a guide who's showing people that paid their money. And you just loiter behind. And you loiter behind them. Yes.

And that's a little free tip there. Wonderful. Free tourism tip there. I'll do that sometimes if I'm at a tourist spot and they're getting a paid guided tour. The walking tour. Yes. You just kind of hang around. Yep.

You get enough. Yeah. So sloths, I didn't know this, fantastic swimmers. Really? They can swim three times as fast as they can walk. So they just doggy paddle basically with their long arms and they move themselves around. But it's the fact that they can hold their breaths longer than dolphins

is today's fact of the day. Probably because they're so slow. Dolphins need to pop up for a breath four to five times per minute. If they dive down for food, they can hold their breath. But even the deep diving dolphins can't hold their breath for more than 15 to 20 minutes, whereas a sloth can hold its breath for up to 40 minutes. Are they vegetarians? Sloths, yes.

So what? I mean, they only need to be in the water in a jungle situation, right, to get places? Like they wouldn't really swim much, right? Not super swimmers. They don't swim for... Like the Olympics. Because they'd be very good at butterfly stroke with those long arms.

With the long arms and the hooks. The big claws to get around them. Imagine a sloth doing butterfly. You'd have to convince them to do it in a hurry. But maybe it's because they are so slow that if they fell in the water, only the ones that could hold their breath would survive. So over hundreds of thousands of years, they've evolved that if they fall in the water, they've got to be able to hold their breath.

So they just got better and better and better at it. Maybe. They're so cute. Adapted to it. But they are super cute. That's just basically what I've been doing. Here's a picture of a baby sloth having a bath. Yes, give it to me.

Give it to me. Having a bath. Oh, look at his eyeliner's all smudged. That's so cute. We should get some. Yes. They're not going to do anything bad. They're not possums, eh?

They're not possums and rats. I think they like warmer tropical weather though, don't they? Oh, please. But global warming, there must be a good part to it. Surely, surely it's that it's warm enough for sloths. The upside of global warming, maybe we can have some sloths in the far north. Please.

Oh, please. Please, Daddy. I'm not making the decision. Why are you being mean? Why won't you let us have slots? Oh, my God. Look at this baby one. Oh, that's a baby. Baby one.

It's like two-tower or three-tower. She's brown. Yeah, she's a full brown slot. With a bit more of a pointy nose, there are different types of slots. Anyway. I think he loves me. Well, he would if Fletch would let us import a whole bunch. It's not up to us.

That should be a... MB. When you're interviewing the political leaders for the next election. Who's going to let us have sloths? Who's going to let us have sloths? Now, I've just found a Facebook group called Bring Sloths to New Zealand. I think we should join. Get out of town.

It's really one of those ones people set up in 2011 when it was just wild times to be studying. Yeah, the last post was in 2015. That's good. They're going to freak out. They're going to get a notification. Someone has joined your Brinks Lost the New Zealand Facebook page. They're going to get heaps because we're talking about it on the radio. Yeah, everybody go and join the Facebook page.

We'll send it to bloody Chris Hipkins and we're going to get this all sorted. Look, it's what we need. We need to be happy and that's what's going to make us universally happy. We've had a tough couple of years. I can't see any problem. I can't see a bad part here. This one's just had a shower. He needs a blow dry.

He needs a blow dry. He needs a blow dry. Oh, God, they're so cute. They are. All right, so today's fact of the day is sloths can hold their breath underwater for up to 40 minutes, twice as long as a dolphin. Fact of the day, day, day, day, day. Last week, we sent Courtney to Bali thanks to Qantas

and Bray and Clint tomorrow are doing another draw and you can escape this looming winter and all you've got to do thanks to Qantas is register at ZM Online. Just pick where you want to go. They've got like 1,300 destinations. Bray and Clint could call you back tomorrow. So you've got to be in and register today either for yourself or someone you think deserves a trip. And with over 1300 destinations to fly to, you can make everywhere feel possible with Qantas and their partners.

Indeed. Now, at the moment, I'm doing a bit of a wardrobe makeover because I'm in a bit of a, I'm in a fashion slump. What's the word? Fashion. I'm in a... Rut. Rut. Thank you. I'm in a fashion rut. Is this just an excuse to shop? No. I'm in a fashion rut. Are you not listening?

She is in a rut. Thank you, Bourne. A rut. Now, does this mean that you've got... No. What do you mean, does this mean? She has said it. She has explained herself, sir, with the word rut. I'm just saying she's got a lot of clothes in the wardrobe, Vaughn.

Oh, my God. Babe, make me feel rutty. She, sir, is in a rut. Is in. What is she in? A fashion rut. Thank you. Okay.

Does that mean that you don't have any new fashions? No, that's not what it means. Well, what does it mean then? It means she is a rut. A fashion rut. What it means is that I do have a lot of clothes. Fashion is a passion. This is what I try to say to Aaron all the time.

He's like, do you need new clothes? I don't need them. Fashion is my passion. I'm going to get that tattooed on my chest. Underneath, do not resuscitate. D-N-R. Fashion is my passion. And please do not cut off these expensive jeans, ambulance.

And I'll say, yeah, little asterisks. These are Subis. Don't be ridiculous. Leave them on. Anyway. Seriously, St. John's, take the extra 10 seconds to pull them off. Yeah. Who do theury me in there. Seriously, St. John's, take the extra 10 seconds to pull them off. Yeah. Who do the brand Moochie?

No, because it's creepy. If I was watching paramedics working on a loved one, and they were like, we need to get the pants off, and someone pulled out the scissors and somebody else was like, no, let's just wriggle them out. I'd be like, oh, creepy. Don't wriggle them out of the pants. They're Subies, Vaughn.

Don't wriggle them out of the pants. Cut them off. We're in a hurry. Oh, my gosh I mean they can cut off Your Hallenstein's jorts These aren't Hallenstein's jorts What are they for?

I don't know Cotton on No it's not They're your cotton on jeans No these aren't the cotton on jeans These are the jeans I bought When I was in a When I was in a

Bad mood I was in a Remember I was in a strop Were you in a bit of a rut? Not a rut A strop A strop Okay right Which is next to a rut? Not a rut. A strop. A strop. A strop.

Okay, right. Which is next to a rut. Completely different, sir. Totally different. Completely different, sir. Are you listening to us? It is not a rut. I am about to be in a strop for your lack of knowledge and the difference between a rut and a strop.

I'm so sorry about him, Vaughn. Please continue. And I do apologise to you on his behalf, man. Thank you very much. I hope this is doing nothing but deepening one's rut. I'm working with someone who's in a rut and a strop. I wasn't. Now I am.

Yeah. Look what you've done. Yeah. Anyway, so what I'm trying to do at the moment is renew my wardrobe and refine my sense of fashion and reignite my passion for the fashion. So I'm sort of removing some items and getting rid of those and replacing them with really key items. And part of my goal was I wanted to buy more New Zealand designers.

So, you know, I went into Zambezi the other day. Cod Non. Jojo. Yeah, Jojo Ross. I went in. No. House of G. She's in a rut.

She's in a rut. This is your comical comparison. I've got no issue with a cotton on or a glasses shop, but I'm trying to support local. Okay, good. And those are big Australian brands. Anyway, so yesterday I was like, I'm always on the hunt for the perfect black sack.

That's me. I'm always like, whenever I'm feeling a bit rutty, chuck on a lovely designer black sack and you feel good. We're rocking a black sack. Karlyn's in a black sack today sack and you feel good. We're rocking a black sack. Karlyn's in a black sack today. She's feeling good. I'm in a black sack today. Shannon didn't get the memo.

She's in a crochet jumper. However. The opposite of a black sack. She's in the antithesis of a black sack. Anyway, I went into a designer clothing store yesterday and I won't say which one because. But we can assume it's a New Zealand designer. We can assume it's a New Zealand designer.

Because she's just spent so long telling us how passionate she is for them. I'm passionate. I have a passion for New Zealand fashion. And because it's a New Zealand designer, often New Zealand designers come along with a New Zealand designer price tag. So I was in there knowing that I was like, maybe going to spend a bit of money. Right.

Because my friend Brad Olsen said it was fine. Bad news, Brad. He said, shop, shop, shop, shop shop till you drop. I don't think that's what he said. Anyway, I went in there and I tried on a dress and the thing, the reason I'm in this fashion right is because I've got a slightly different body than I had a couple of years ago, you know? Slightly

meaning 15 kgs but I was like, I need a, you know, dress to the bot and most of that 15 kgs is in the bottom half so I got a dress and I put it on and over the top, slippity-doo, right? And I was like, phantasmo, this is going to be perfect. And as I tried to pull it over my fantastic dumper. Fantastic, yeah.

I heard a big... And I ripped the stitching that was at the back of the sort of skirt bit of the dress. And to put into context, this dress was... I was kind of trying it on just to sort of hate myself because I'm not going to buy it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I utterly wrote it. And it was a very quiet store. Like very, very quiet. Not even any music. No, I don't think there was it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I utterly wrote it and it was a very quiet store. Like very, very quiet.

What, like not even any music? No, I don't think there was music. Oh my God. So they heard the rip. They heard the rip for sure. And I think like a second after the rip, my mum was like, how are you going with the size?

And I was like, she fits like a glove, but I can't afford it. So I think I'll just leave it. And I left it in the thing and I was like, bye! And just left the store. With a gaping hole in the dress.

Yeah. How big was the rip? Like, you know how... Or was it just stretched it? Now... No, no, it was ripped. The zip had come away from the seam. The zip.

Now, is that because of the poor quality or... No. Is that a user? It's because of the... Me assuming my dumper was back in 2020. Now my dumper is a 2023 dumper and she's got a little bit more to dump.

So nothing on the New Zealand designer, the nameless New Zealand designer but I have ripped your dress and you will... You should have when it ripped gone, oh excuse me. Does rip sound like farts at a distance? I've ripped a fart. Yes. Yeah, right. Well if you work in a high-end fashion retail store

and there's a black sack dress, size 12, should have been a 14, that was me. They'll just take it out the back and get out the banana. It'll be fine. Yeah, totally. Like when, if you're a guy and you get a shirt and you're trying to shoot on.

Do you remember when we did this? Other than undo all the buttons, you just like slide it over and you pull it and you get rip and you're like. shoot on. Do you remember when we did this? And other than under all the buttons, you just like slide it over and you pull it and you get rip and you're like Too small. Too small. It's a size too small. You get this with women's tops a lot because it'll get stuck above the boob and then you're

in the shoulder like this. Hey, the girls are nodding and you're like this and getting out of it because when you bend to get out of it, your back arches and broadens so you're making it worse I've had to get a shop assistant in and been like help

and they come in and you're there in a bra like you're stuck in the cubicle yeah but women know this like it's just part of trying on stretch free tops

you've Chinese finger trapped yourself you've Chinese finger trapped yourself I think we just say finger trapped now oh okay Taiwan yeah okay Taiwan this is coming from the man

that doesn't own a wok. Oh, I know. And his wife's Asian. Anyway. Appalling. Appalling. I've heard from other Asians on the show this morning they don't own a wok either. And shame on all of them. You don't get given one at birth. Yeah, they won't tell their mothers that though, will

they? Because they'll be very disappointed in them as I am. Well, congratulations, Mr. Ho, Mrs. Ho. Here's your lovely baby daughter and of course your complimentary walk. Complimentary walk. This is why your stir fries are soupy. Anyway we wanted to know from you humble listener, what happened

in the changing room? It doesn't have to be a clothing rip but it's such a terrifying place. I had a friend who worked in retail and they said the clothing rooms the minute that door shuts it's the wild west. I had a friend who worked in retail and they said the clothing rooms, the minute that door shuts, it's the Wild West. Yeah. Like there was a poo on the floor in one of them. Oh, for God's sake.

Like someone was changing rooms. And it just fell out or something. Or like in a Hellenstein's or something. Yeah. Oh, my God. And the rows where there's like 10 changing rooms, the people are just coming and going and coming and going. Big stores, eh, that have like lots of clothes.

Yeah. Just like taking a pile of poo on the floor. Nugget. Well, maybe you got stuck like Hayley. Maybe you got stuck. Maybe you heard some rumpty pumpty in the clothing cubicle next to you. Well, you ripped a dress in the changing rooms. My butt ripped a dress.

I had nothing to do with it. We want to know from those that have worked in retail this morning, what went on in the changing rooms? Because it's wild. You've been stuck in clothes? I've been stuck in clothes. Yeah, maybe you work in retail. Maybe this has happened to you in a changing room.

Georgia, good morning. You worked in retail? Good morning. Yes, I did. How bad did it get in the changing room. Georgia, good morning. You worked in retail? Good morning, yes, I did. How bad did it get in the changing rooms? Look, there was a couple incidents, but one of the ones that I vividly remember was I was at the apparel bit of the shop,

and this woman was very happy on a bit of lollies, and she came into the changing room with many, many clothes and came out with every single one of those items on her, wearing them. So she was just going to wear those out of the store, was she?

No, she wandered on out, all the security tags clinking. Like a little plastic tree. How was she going to get those off? Well, I mean, I would assume that she would have, no, no, no, she would have taken them all off individually once she had got home with her purchases. No, but how do you get the tags off? Because you need that special little machine under the bench.

Yeah, cut them. Yeah, cut them. Yeah, right. And what else happened? There was another time that there was another very happy person and they decided to take a poo in the changing room. You know, I said it before. A friend of mine who worked in retail dealt with the nugget.

And I tell you what, we've had so many stories of people who worked in retail also having to deal with, and sometimes not a nugget, sometimes a full-blown poo. Poor Georgia. I'm so sorry you had to go through that. We'll get to more of your stories and texts next. We'll be delving into the story sent in by the Gay Dairy Farm. We want to know if you worked in retail, how wild did the changing rooms get?

Because you tore a dress the other day. Mild compared to the messages we're getting in. Yeah. I ripped an expensive dress and I left it. You had, ripping a dress is the butter chicken. The mild butter chicken. The mildest, mildest story compared to what we've been

getting in. People really deal with some things, don't they? Yeah. Some amazing messages, then. Let's start. I was six months pregnant and vomited in the changing rooms. I felt so bad I tried to clean it up, but couldn't. I came out and blamed my toddler who was with me, saying

sorry that I was upset. Yeah, perfect. Tum-tum. I spewed in some shoes. When I was a kid, I said to mum it up, but couldn't. I came out and blamed my toddler who was with me, saying sorry they put it up. Yeah, perfect. I said, tum-tum. I spewed in some shoes. When I was a kid, I said to Mum, I'm not feeling well. She said, it's all in your head. And then it wasn't all in my head. It was all over the floor and all over the shoes. We were shoving school shoes. You really made a point there.

Yeah, sure did. I had to be cut out of an $800 dress in David Jones. Oh, my God, you can't count. No, did they charge you? Then you'd have to buy it? I would die. I'd just be like,

I'd never go back to David Jones in my life. I used to work at a large red and colour retail, it's the warehouse. It could be Kmart, they've got a lot of red in there.

Fresh out of school. Noleman. Could be Noleman. They're pretty red. Could be Noleman. Yeah. They don't have changing rooms. Could be Xvita phone.

X1. Try some headphones at Noleman's in the changing rooms. Can I change this on? Constantly find poos, wheeze, and often used sanitary products. No. In the changing rooms. No. Come on.

And one day. No. No. I prefer that. All right. Dan, what did you deal with in retail in the changing rooms. No. Come on. And one day. No. No. I prefer that. All right. Dan, what did you deal with in retail in the changing rooms? Yeah, so I worked at a jeans place. Okay.

And so one day. Was it just jeans? Was it just? Did they serve exclusively jeans? Yeah. They, you know, it was more than just jeans, but, you know, you could say that. Or when they were exclusively in West Auckland, were the jeans quite west? Uh, they, you know, there was more than just jeans, but you know, you could, you could say that. Or when they, was it exclusively in West Auckland?

Were the jeans quite West? Uh, the jeans were quite, there was a lot of justice. It was just, it was Jean Jones. It was Jean Jones. Yeah. Okay. Um, but I was just, um, it was probably like 10 years ago and I was just a young buck and I was, I was cleaning up the buck, and I was cleaning up the stores, the changing rooms, and I found some white jeans that were left behind.

And as I was looking in, just making sure it was all good, I found some dried red. Oh, Sean. She got a period. Yeah, oh, dear. She got a period. Jesus. When you know you've got your period,

you shouldn't be trying on white jeans. It's all I'm going to say. Or jeans. It happens to the best of us. I'd give jeans a wide berth for a week. Also, on your period, you're bloated, and you're carrying a lot of water weight. Maybe they wanted period jeans.

Maybe they did want period jeans. Don't get white ones. No, no, no, no, no, no. Did you throw those in the bin, Dan, or did you just give them a wash and put them back on the rack? No, I just put them straight back on the rack. Didn't need to wash them or anything. Sorry.

Sorry. I'm just joking. I'm joking. Dan. Dan. He's just. He's just. Jeans in a round.

He's joking. He's just jeans joking. Thank you, Dan. Straight in the burn. Now, we're going to end with this text message the gay dairy farmer that you promised us

so I'm a gay dairy farmer would that be the only gay dairy farmer says the message I'm not a dairy farmer true so I'm a gay dairy farmer says the message

when I shop I don't try anything on I just go and buy it because I know what size I want and I know what I want I know what I like that's how I like to shop too you've still got to try jeans on. I just go and buy it because I know what size I want and I know what I want. I know what I like. That's how I like to shop too.

You've still got to try jeans on though. I'm a fluctuator. I could never do that. But my boyfriend likes to try stuff on and one time I helped him and we ended up at the cop shop because things got a little hot and heavy in the changing room. Oh, you really helped him out. Lend him a hand. That's wild.

But you would think Unbelievable Not unbelievable But so many people Who worked in retail Said they have caught people What gay dairy farmers Not all gay dairy farmers Oh

We don't know It's rude to ask Heterosexuals Homosexuals And I'm imagining A array of jobs Straight dairy farmers Straight dairy

Well no I don't know Why are they all doing this Oh Get them off the farm mate They can't help themselves. So, yeah, people said they've busted so many people in... Shagging in the stalls.

Shagging in the change rooms. Guys, like, there's a giant mirror. You'll see yourself. The one rule I have when making love, I don't want to see myself. Well, if you enjoyed that, give us a rating and review and be sure to tell your mates. You know what?

I reckon your script reading is getting better. Thank you. I give it five stars. Thank you. Just like I'd give this podcast. I'm telling my friends about your script reading too. Thank you. Much like I'm going to do about this podcast.

Thank you, Vaughan and Hayley, for that. Good boy. do about this podcast. Thank you Vaughan and Hayley for that. Good boy. ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley.