ZM's Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley - Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley's Big Pod - 20th March 2024

Episode Date: March 19, 2024

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The ZM Podcast Network. The Fletchbourne and Hayley Big Pod. Great things are brewing at McCafe. The perfect start to every day. Good morning, welcome to the show. Fletchbourne and Hayley, happy Wednesday. Happy Hump Day. Happy Hump Day, new episode of Sex.Life is out.

What are we even doing in this? Oh my God. You've recorded a few weeks ahead, haven't you? So I always lose track of which episode is which. Is this the massage week? This is my favorite. This is the one that I said to you guys when we recorded it, it was like watching Morgan do an hour of stand up.

Oh, amazing. Oh my God. I laughed so hard. I'm so excited for this. I think this could be my favorite. Well, episode six of Sex Not Life is out. You can download that wherever you podcast. Today on the show, $46,000 could be yours.

It is jackpotted so fast. It is insane. Well, tomorrow it'll come back to us for bloody nearly 50 I guess if it doesn't go this morning. If it doesn't go well at 8 o'clock this morning the activator, it's your next chance to get through. We'll give you a 3-2-1

countdown. You've just got to say time exactly 5 seconds. Some people have been very close and some people have been a bit slow. Some people have been a bit slow. I know. Also coming up, I would like to discuss why

if you wake up after a big night, you're a bit dusty. You've had a few too many drinks the night before, why you might be feeling a little bit randy? Okay. Why you might get the old hangover horns? Oh, yes. Okay.

Oh, yes. Did that pique your interest, did it? Well, I'm just very relatable to me. Next on the show, though, why having dogs is good for you? You've got two. That's correct. You've got two. We've got zero between us. We've got zero dogs.

So this is a good sample size. Yeah, well let's see why Vaughan's life's better than ours. Because of his dogs. Well, Vaughan just got his quote for his new effluent system and Vaughan's life is not better than yours. Yeah, I don't know how many dogs can fit that. I was just watching Star Wars The Acolyte trailer that came out today.

That was your response? Well, there was a bit of force action. Pushing someone back across the room. A bit of force action. Wow. Nice. Okay. Cool, a bit of force action. Wow. Nice. Okay. Cool, cool, cool, cool.

It was good. I'm only halfway through. I'm going to need to restart it, I feel like, before I watch it all of a sudden go. Well, some research has been done, and apparently hanging out with dogs, like if you go and walk your dog, play with your dog, you get a boost in relaxation and less stress.

Really? Less stress owning a dog. Less stress owning a dog. But I would have thought it would have been more stressful. Like at least cats are just there and then you can pat them and you're like, and then you can leave. Yeah.

And they're all good. Yeah, I sometimes think I would like to own a dog, but then I don't want to because- Is that like the same as having a kid? You're like- No, I never feel like I want a kid. Depends on what kind of life you, if you're a homebody, a dog feel like I want a kid. Depends on what kind of life you... If you're a homebody,

a dog rules. Totally, which I'm not. Because they require so much more attention than a cat. You could probably leave a cat for a weekend and it'd be alright, but... Yeah. A dog, no, that's a no-no. But do you feel... I've never grown up with dogs, so all their

like picking up their poops and when they get smelly and dirty, I'm like, that's not really my jam. To me, that's stressful. That feels stressful. It's way less stressful to play with somebody else's dog. That's the good stuff. When I'm around your dogs, I'm like, this is so joyful. I almost want to buy a golden retriever.

It's kind of like kids as well. Not paying me for current company excluded. You guys don't like anybody's kids. No, I like other people's kids. Other people's kids are great. As long as they behave, they're not shitty. Yeah, as long as they're not loud. That's quite fun, playing with other people's kids,

because then you can just leave. Yeah, totally. And they're not your kids and they're not your responsibility. Yeah. Yeah, I love it. Leave after you've given them lots of sugar. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Lollies.

Lollies. Lollies. Lollies and ta-ta. Leases and nephews, because they think you're the coolest thing ever. Yeah. And then they get over it and you're like, oh, I'm over you as well. So you can go back and hang out. Perfect. Get out of here.

But having a dog, like owning a dog can be quite stressful because like if something goes wrong. And they eat your shoes and stuff. Another member of the family. Yeah. Except they shit on the lawn. Which some people, I'm sure their members of the family do do that. Yeah, I mean, yeah, absolutely.

Yeah. What about those little frantic, nervous dogs? There's nothing relaxing about them. No. Yappy. Oh, yeah. Like nervous energy. I'm talking your chihuahuas.

Well, I did when we went down to Christchurch and we saw the Leon Burger. Oh, yeah. Beautiful dog. I sent a photo of that to Aaron, and he said, let's get one. He could do a dog because he doesn't like leaving the house. Yes, definitely.

And when he does, he mostly goes places where he could take a dog. Supermarket, Mitre 10. I don't think you can take a dog to a supermarket. You can. No, you can't. Can't you? If he wears those big shades he's got and holds it and maybe. If he pretends he's blind, he puts a red vest on it.

Gets a little vest for it. It's a good car part too. Who's problematic to these doing that? Oh, wait, the gig's up though when you're blind and you get in your car to drive away, isn't it? Yeah, a little bit. Unless the dog drives just down the road a little bit. Pop him on your lap.

Yeah, the dog can drive for a bit and then switch out. He's my seeing dog. Yeah. And he sees how I drive home. He's done the road code. He knows. He taps my left dog. Yeah. And he sees how I drive home. He's done the road code. He knows. He taps my left leg when I need to turn left.

Right when I need to turn right and both when I need to slow down. Barks when I need to stop. Yeah. Perfect. I'm assorted. Why not? Next on the show.

Why you might get a little bit horned up when you've got a hangover. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley. Okay, here are a couple of theories as to why if you have a hangover You've woken up after a big night

And you're in bed and you wake up That you might feel a little bit You might be a little bit like I could go a little bit Frisky Frisky love I could have a little bit of a canoodle With my person

The hangover horn Or on your own The hangover horn Now there's two I'll read out two theories because there's, like, a few. Okay. One of them, and this makes complete sense, is

that, obviously, when you drink a lot, enough that you would have a hangover, so not just a couple of glasses of wine, they're calling it chronic alcohol consumption. Now, that's totally out of my jurisdiction. That seems panicky, that word. Yeah.

Chronic. Chronic. Chronic. And even the word consumption, I'm enjoying. Consumption is another word for tuberculosis, too. There you go. There you go. It's all in all bad.

So when you drink a lot, it disrupts the balance of neurotransmitters in the brain, including dopamine, serotonin, and endorphins. Right. I love all three of those things. You love when all three of those are firing up. God, I am a dopamine-seeking individual. Now, when you drink right, you get a huge spike in them. Yeah. But obviously, that comes down a lot.

So that's why alcohol can often be depressive as well. And anxiety, right? The next morning, yeah. You're like low in dopamine and serotonin, and so you start getting panicky and a bit depressed. So sometimes your body will attempt to restore these levels of dopamine, serotonin, and endorphins, and another way of getting a quick, sharp spike is sex.

Right. And so your body knows that when I'm feeling depleted in these lovely, good-feeling, happy hormones, that another way to top it right back up is to have a little bit of fun time. Right. So it's replacing these hormones and it's going to make you feel really, again, temporarily,

but it's going to make you feel good again. Then the other theory on why when you wake up in the morning you might have a little bit of randiness, and this is for penis owners. Right. There was a study. I got one. You got one?

Thank you for... I'm not commenting. You're not commenting? What a fence sitter. Wow, take a side. Do you know what I mean? I'm without. You're without. You've not commenting. What a fence sitter. Wow, take a side. Do you know what I mean? I'm without. You're without.

We've got one with and a fence sitter. So they did this study, right? Imagine being part of this study in which they got a bunch of men drunk and then they told them what they wanted them to do in terms of their arousal. Some of them were told, all right, get turned on. And then when they were drunk,

those men had to try to like get themselves erect. And some of them were told, don't you dare. I don't think they were done so in such a flirty way, but don't get an erection. And they found that those trying not to get aroused while they were drunk had less ability to control it and would have more spontaneous erections. And so another theory of why you would feel aroused in the morning is because you're still a bit drunk.

Right. You're still a bit drunk and you've lost kind of control of your arousal. So if the idea of sex was to pop into your mind in the morning, you have less control over the ability to go like, no, I don't need to do that. And so once you're on, you're on and you've got to like,

deal with it. And so those are a couple of reasons why you might get a lot better. Yeah, okay. But not just men no no no we're all doing it that was just one study they thought was interesting because the idea of a group of drunk men in a room and you'll be like

right you lot no, charge up, you lot, don't you dare don't even look at it 18 past 6, next on the show Hayley and I must issue an apology For something we talked about About this time yesterday Public apology yeah

Yeah Goodness me It's embarrassing for us isn't it An amendment to be made Yes So yesterday we laid a complaint I guess We called out the Auckland Council Because we went for a walk

And saw that the fire hydrant The FH free hit complaint, I guess. We called out the Auckland Council because we went for a walk and saw that the fire hydrant, the FH free hit. The free hit hydrant. Hydrants were a different yellow. Now we quoted it as banana yellow. It was kind of like a pastel yellow. Heading towards pastel. Heading towards pastel. And we were like, goodness

me. And if you'd heard us yesterday we said, well this can't be because it's got to be the right yellow. It's not the right yellow. It makes no sense that they would change it. You know, the firemen would be so disoriented. They wouldn't know what to do. They would look at the plant and be like, what is that?

Yeah, it's not the right yellow. That can't be us. It can't be us. It can't be us. Meanwhile, buildings are burning. It's just a disaster. So we laid a complaint and we even took it directly to the council, didn't we? Yeah, we were in contact with Councillor Richard Hills.

Who we know, yeah. So Vaughan sent a message and then he said, well, goodness me, that can't be the... He was ready to sort it for us. He was. He said, on the way home, why don't you take some photos? And so I was walking home after the gym, got out my camera and I'm like, here we go. And I get up to the first one. I'm like, well, that looks like

the right yellow. Took a photo. I was like, well, maybe we were walking home and it was grey. Was it overcast and they looked a bit less yellow? I don't know. Because you messaged and said, God, these definitely look a lot more yellow than they did yesterday. This is rather embarrassing for us. Because I took photos of four of them, and I'm like,

okay, they've definitely been painted. I still. Yeah, then they've been painted again. So I, this is a nice touch. The one here, this is a bright yellow. Still not quite. Yeah, it was right. You're getting it at the Ava on.

It's not quite right. It's not quite right, that one. But they have painted the F and the H in black on top to really make it pop. Which, by the way, wasn't there yesterday. So my theory is when we walked past them, they'd been undercoated. You believe it might have just been a first coat. First go.

An undercoat. But still not, some of them, like two of them are really yellow. I know, but I think the apology we should issue is that it's definitely not banana yellow. I'd say pineapple gold. Pineapple gold. Okay, right. Fair to say pineapple gold, not banana yellow. I mean, you would think there would be a colour that if you were painting fire hydrants, you went to

Resene. Resene and said... Have you got fire hydrant yellow? Have you guys played the board game Hues and Cues? No. It's amazing. It's this spectrum of colours, right? It's this huge grid and it goes through the entire colour and you're allowed to say one word to describe a colour.

Okay. What if it was like a light purple? Well, what makes you think? Lavender. So that's the thing. You look at it and you think that's ridiculous, but then you look at the one that you think. Lavender. So that's the thing. You look at it and you think that's ridiculous, but then you look at the one that you think is lavender and then there are like five others around it.

All around it are very similar purples. So you get to, and then people put their markers down and you get points and people get close to you, but they also get points. It's actually a really rad game. I produced a Jared's to send a picture of the board, what the board looks like. It literally has like hundreds of squares of colours.

Yeah, dude, it's wild. Oh my God. It's like when you go to select a colour and it's, you know what, like some editing software apps have that thing and it's like a whole grid of colours. The spectrum, yeah. Yeah, my mate Johnny and I played it

and it was so annoying to our wives because I said Kermit and he put it right on the green That I was talking about Like it was that sort of like In tune Yeah Is your wife good at this game?

Horrible at this game She's not good at board games Horrible at this game Have you played board games? I haven't You get to pick If you stay put On the first one

Yeah Or you can get Because then people get to add A second token When you get to add another word. Right. Right. So, yeah, most of her second words were swear words

because we were, like, so far off because she had terribly picked a colour. But grimace was one of the purples, and I was, like, right beside Johnny's grimace. Yeah, right. And that's a really good one for, like, really thinking about words that describe colours. See, I can see on the board here, if I said hydrant, you'd be able to pick out the fire hydrant. No, do you know what?

If you said hydrant, I'd head to red. Red. Oh, because you'd go American hydrant. American hydrant. Yeah, okay. What would you do? Well, I'd at least just hope that the people painting the hydrants aren't playing this game because they're off. They're off.

I will issue an apology. It's not banana yellow anymore. But I'm not. It's still off. this game because they're off. I'm sad. They're off. I will issue an apology. It's not banana yellow anymore. But I'm not. It's still off. It's still a little off. It's still off, actually. It's still a little off. This apology has turned into less of an apology.

Should I send Richard an updated voice note? Yeah, I think you should. Just say we've apologised. It's not quite banana, but it's not right. Well, I did. Did I send him the photos? Hi, Councillor Richard Hills, Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley here, again, live, so please don't swear.

Watch P's and Q's. Good morning. We're just re-evaluating here. We have issued an apology to the Auckland City Council because I know you guys are under the pump lately from pretty much every angle.

Lots today. We have issued an apology. No longer banana yellow, more of a pineapple gold. Yeah. Not quite where we want our free hit things to be. Yeah.

So whilst we agree it's an improvement, it's heading in the right direction. What's Bad News Brad saying? Good should not be the enemy of perfect. Well, there you go. We're on the right track. Are we saying that it's good? Do you know what I mean?

It's not bad. It's not bad. I mean, it's getting there, isn't it? Yeah, but not bad's not good, is it? Kia ora. Play ZM's Fletch is it? Kia ora. Paris Olympics. July 26th.

Yeah, there you go. Smack bang in the middle of winter for us. Smack bang in the middle of summer for them. That'll be hot. That'll be stinking hot. In Paris, it's real hot. That feels, sorry, I've got the hiccups. That feels unfair for athletes, especially like athletics, just in that open arena running around.

Anyway, not my problem. I'm not an Olympian. Not my problem. I'm not in the 100-meter final. Yeah, nah. What do I look like, Usain Bolt? No. No.

Not even remotely. In fact, Usain, that almost seems inappropriate Yeah it does actually So I always get really fascinated by the Olympic Village though Because they all kind of stay in this If you've seen like behind the scenes Like it's almost student accommodation Yeah Like it's never super high end

Was it Rio that had the cardboard beds? Yeah Yes Yeah Well the bases were weren't they? Yeah they were like accordions you pull it out and then

when they got to a certain point and then you put another piece of cardboard on the side and they were like that'll hold someone who weighs up to 120 or whatever. Yeah that'll hold our weight lifters and what not. So this year they've been getting the village ready, obviously, for everyone.

And they're making the return of condoms. Because last time in the Tokyo Olympics, which was 2021, they had a ban on intimacy. Oh, okay. Because they didn't, so they didn't provide any kind of... Well, we were still...

I'm not a person that believes COVID's disappeared, but we were on the height of it, weren't we? Yeah, totally. And so they obviously didn't want these Olympians to get sick, so they had a whole intimacy ban, whereas that's off, which means the Olympians are going to be getting down with each other. Because you always hear the stories. You always hear the stories.

Yeah. They are like rabbits. They're all jacked up and there's no alcohol at this facility. So it's totally banned. Boo. When they're finished. They're athletes.

But when they're finished, when they've done that. Oh yeah, I've got a bloody spurn off in the bag, you know. Is that your celebratory drink after... A six-pack of smirnoff double blacks. Okay, here we go. She is celebrating. No fridge in the room, though.

They're going to be room temp. Room temp. So they have made 300,000 condoms available for the Olympic Village. How many athletes are there? I don't know. It's not a new thing. So apparently this started in the 80s at the Seoul Olympics. I remember the Seoul Olympics.

That's the first Olympics I can remember. 88. So wait, how many condoms did you say there are? 300,000, sir. There are 10,500 athletes. It's 30 each. But get this right, so at the simpy...

At the, how many each? Thirty. But then are there like staff, like coaches and stuff that stay in the athletes village as well? Yeah, maybe. Support staff? Yeah. So at the Seoul Olympics in 88, there were 8,000 condoms handed out

and that was sort of an awareness of the AIDS pandemic. Epidemic? Because that was the bloody 80s. Look, if you're going to be doing it, here's some condoms. 8,000. And then in 2000

at the Sydney Olympics they'd ordered 30,000 condoms. No, sorry, they ordered 20,000 more condoms after the initial 70,000 they'd ordered appeared to not be enough. Wow. You get it though, right? Adrenaline, you're coming off the track. Woo!

Go, baby. You've done your thing. You. There's a bloody volleyball champ just over there and you're like, right. Oh, hello. You. There's a bloody volleyball champ just over there, and you're like, right. Oh, hello. You are scouring. So, you know, if you're an Olympian representing New Zealand,

you're heading over, don't you worry. They've got you covered, babes. Play. ZM's Fletchvorn and Hayley. From the panoramic ZM think Tank, this is the Top Six. I don't have the original story and I don't bloody need it. All I know is a restaurant's offering a discount if your children are well behaved. Obviously a restaurant.

You know sometimes you go to a loud restaurant because all the surfaces are real hard? Like tile floors, hard wall, and so any noise kind of reverberates and bounces and then you go off. But it must be a nightmare to have a restaurant with soft furnishings because they constantly

become stained and food smells would get caught in them and such. Well, restaurants are loud but then there's a difference between

loud and ambience and screaming kids. Just running around, like, just sit out, sit at your table. You don't know the discount, 5%? Let's say 1,000%.

Okay. He's made it quite clear he doesn't have the original article. I don't need it. And he doesn't need it. Because I'm talking about the top six other things you should be rewarded for in a restaurant. Okay. A little discount of sorts.

Number six on the list. If you finish everything on your plate. It drives me nuts being at a restaurant and looking around and people feel the need to leave a little bit. Oh, I don't want to look like a greedy pig. I'm going to leave a little bit. No, I remember my friend from America ages ago saying

why do all of you New Zealanders finish your plates? Because he was like, they don't or he doesn't. America also has like 18 servings in one standard New Zealand serving. That's true. But you paid for it. Yeah.

Even when we used to go to a smorgasbord. Smorgasbord. Smorgasbord. As kids, my nan would be so angry with us if we went up and got a plate and brought it back, didn't finish it, and went up to get another one. She'd be like, no, you don't get it if you're not going to eat it. Yeah. Maybe not a discount. Maybe just a pat on the back and a little sticker if you're not going to eat it. Yeah. Maybe not a discount,

maybe just a pat on the back and a little sticker that says, I ate all my dinner. Yeah. I'm a good boy. I ate all my dinner. I'm a good boy. I'm going to grow.

You don't leave anything on the plate. Waste. Number five on the list of the top six things you should be rewarded for in a restaurant. Not slopping everything all over the tablecloth.

Oh, I'm such a slopper. I'm first. That's impossible though at a BYO. Or a yumcha. And a yumcha. Yum Oh, I'm such a slopper. I'm first. That's impossible though at a BYO. Or a yumcha. And a yumcha. Yumcha, I'm getting the sauce,

I'm getting the sweet chilli sauce, I'm getting the soy sauce. They just have to do a real hot wash of those tablecloths. Because they are sweet. They're white. They're always white at yumcha.

I'd love to know the economics behind a yumcha, a big yumcha. Because every time there's a new behind a yumcha, a big yumcha. Because every time there's a new tablecloth on. Didn't we say recently we were going to do a yumcha? Sunday. This Sunday? Yeah.

Oh, yeah, yeah. We've got that thing where we're going to yumcha. Number four on the list of the top six things you should be rewarded for in a restaurant are keeping the toilet in good condition. Men, I'm looking at you, doing wheeze on the seat. Yeah. Monsters. People that don't lift the seat to go wheeze? Yeah.

Monsters. Kick it up with your foot if that's the problem, if you don't want to touch it. But otherwise, you're definitely getting wheeze on that seat. Yeah. And not splashing all over the mirror when you wash your hands. Oh, yeah. You flick the hands when they're wet and it's all up the mirror. The mirror is at absolute shambles. You get the hands when they're wet and it's all up the mirror.

The mirror is at absolute shambles. You get a little reward for that. Number three on the list of the top six things you should be rewarded for doing in a restaurant. A gentle level of flirting with waitstaff. Oh, yeah, nice, but without making them feel uncomfortable. Yes, that's why it's a gentle level of flirting. Be very friendly. Be nice.

Don't click. Don't whistle. Be polite. But if they say rattle off your order and they're not writing it down and then they have to come back and ask, they have to give you $10. Yeah, that's fair. Just write it down the first time. I'll generally flirt, but I'm not impressed with the fact that you think you're going to be able to remember six people's orders

when you're not going to be able to remember six people's orders. Write. When you're not going to be able to remember six people's orders. Write it down. Write it down. Number two on the list of the top six things you should be rewarded for doing at a restaurant. Using your manners at the dinner table. This must be a frustrating part about working in a restaurant, being like waitstaff. When you go to a table and people are like. Oh, yeah.

Like just not. Picking at things. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I just couldn't handle it. And I'd notice it, and then I couldn't unnotice it. And then you'd hear it from the other side of the restaurant.

You know when you can hear something, and then you can't unhear it? Just that. Yeah. And number one on the list of the top six things you should be rewarded for doing in a restaurant. Not taking more than your allocated amount of mints or toothpicks at the till.

Oh, I'm going to take a few. What's up with people taking a handful of mints? Yeah, I'll put them in my pocket for later. I'll take a couple. Two tops. Three.

One except for... Three or four. Two tops. Enough for one day of each of the week. And toothpicks? Seven. Two toothpicks.

Two toothpicks. It's the first toothpick you always lose at the end of the toothpick. No one's taking more than one or two toothpicks. No, no, no. When it comes to the mints, it's a free-for-all. Keep a toothpick in the car as long you always lose at the end of the toothpick. No one's taking more than one or two toothpicks. No, no, no. When it comes to the mints, it's a free-for-all.

Keep a toothpick in the car as long as it's got that little plastic wrap on it. That's today's top six. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley. I have enjoyed working with producer Shannon so much. She's done a lot. She really, you know. Isn't she wonderful? She brought girl math and put it out into the world.

Isn't she lovely? I don't know. What's that song? The impersonation's not great, everyone. Is that a Stevie Wonder song? I just shut my eyes and put my head back sort of like out of. Yeah, wow. Out of.

Canceled. Wow. Gotcha. He shut his eyes and started playing the piano. Was the black facing too much? Yeah, go get a face wipe. I'm going to wipe this off. God, and how did you get it on and off so quickly?

Is it why? It was just, I'll be honest, it was just on in case. Yep. Okay. Jessica, we're always ready to go. Always ready for an abortion. Do you want this job? What a wonderful world.

I'm ready to go, baby. I'm ready to go. Vaughn, now is not the time to put your career on the line. That's my dad bell, Washington. Producer Shannon... Don't. Producer Shannon has given us some potentially devastating news that she may be about to leave this mortal coil.

Yeah, I think I'm dying. This is heavy. Have you got your generator on? I was running back there. That's her breathing apparatus. You've got a arm on? Yeah, I was going to say, what the hell is running back there? That's her breathing apparatus. You've got a hum on. It's her breathing machine. Now, why do you feel that you might be dying?

So yesterday I was in my room and I have a big window that's got those, what's the middle in the middle called? A pain. A frame? There's pain. A pain's a glass? Yeah, there's pain. That's a frame. Aluminium joinery. What the middle called? A pane. A frame? There's panes. A pane's a glass? Yeah, there's three. That's a frame.

Aluminium joinery. What are those called? The crossbars in the window. There's a word. Well, I've got three, though. Like, you know, it goes through the window. Must be nice. Nice.

That sounds like a nice window. I'm at my parents' house, don't forget. Oh, yeah, we're at mum and dad's, remember? We're at mum and dad's. We're at East Auckland, eh? They went a bit crazy in East Auckland back in the day for getting life into our houses. Yeah. But so I was sitting in bed and I see this fantail kind of

hitting my window. Sorry, what was the fantail doing? How did it go? Hard to hear over whoever's got the vibrancy in the mic. Okay. Sorry, until we just get you both to do it at the same time. Wow, it's like fantails in the room. Yeah, I know.

That was good, eh? That's really good. So there's fantails hanging out on the middle. And I was like, oh, no, he wants to come in. And I thought about letting him in because, I don't know, he looked like he really wanted in. One of our cutest native birds. So cute.

Yeah. He ends up kind of clawing his claws on the middle and hanging like 90 degrees on the window. Oh. He's like, I'm going to hang out with you. Then he goes away after a few minutes. I was like, that was weird. I've never seen a fantail do that.

It proceeds to do it two more times in the next hour. Oh, it wants in. It wanted in. The harbinger of death. That's a thing about the mythology. The fantail is the bird of death. The piwaka waka. I debated of death. The piwaka waka. I debated letting it in in case it was like a ghost who wanted to say hi

and maybe I had to go on a bit of a journey with it. No, no, no, don't let it in. You're literally letting death into your life. Well, no, but maybe it's good death. You know the story behind the piwaka waka? No. Maui, responsible for all of the things. That's what it is on the Māori Myths and Legends book.

Maui, responsible for all of the things. He wanted to eradicate death, of course. And Hinenui was the lady. Hinenui Te Po. Yeah. She was the lady of death and she was relaxing. Arms behind her head, legs are spread. A kimbo. Legs are kimo. Yeah. She was the lady of death and she was relaxing. Arms behind her head, legs are spread.

A kimbo. Good legs. Legs a kimbo. Yeah. This is one of my favourite stories. Maui's sneaking up. He's going to go in through the vagina. Yeah.

Whoa, whoa, whoa. And he's going to go up through her, kill her, stab her heart. And so death would no longer plague the Maori people. Is she a normal-sized? No, no, she's a big unit. Oh, right. She's a big unit. So Maui is like, everybody, quiet. Because it wasn't that it was just like that was the most convenient opening.

It was a cave. Because that's where life came out. So he went in through the entrance of life. Yes. He's sneaking. Quiet as you like. And all the birds. All the birds are quiet.

And you know the cacophony of native birds that would have been back in the day. Oh, yes. So many. He's sneaking. He's sneaking. The P. Waka Waka is like, what's going on here? This is funny. And starts doing the laughing.

Laughing, giggling. She wakes up. Slams the legs closed. Kills the demigod. Wow. Laughing, giggling. She wakes up, slams the legs closed, kills the demigod. Wow. That's the end. The dude slowed down the sun. Okay. Fished up the islands.

And he found his miserable end in between the legs of a woman. Now, ain't that a bloody yard? That's wild. We've all been there, brother. We've all been there, brother. We've all been there. Does that mean I'm going to die by falling into a woman's vagina? No, I don't think so, Hon. I don't know how you ended up there.

It's what's the story of they fly in your house, they've got to fly out the same door. Yeah, something like that. There's a few different little myths and legends. I think you'll be all right. People just, they come around after people die and that was a little bit of a spiritual

attachment to it as well. I just love them. I think they're one of our greatest little birds. They're so cute. That's why I think maybe it's a good thing to let them in. No, no, no. When they visit you, it's fine. When a fantail is seen inside of the house, it is considered to be bad luck. Oh, god. Your radiator's turned off. Oh my goodness house, it is considered to be bad luck.

Oh, God, your radiator's turned off, hon. Oh, my goodness, my life's a mess. It's off, it's off, the fantail. The fantail's flipped the switch. I'm okay. I think you're going to be all right, hon. I think you may survive this fantail. And welcome to Fletchford and Hayley's Maori Myths and Legends Hour.

If we're talking updates on the show, we've had a few messages of what the crossbars are called on windows. Oh, thank you. Oh, yeah. Mullions? Yes. Mullions.

Yes, that's what we call them on the timber windows are the bits that go like that. Metal bits, mullions. Right. Money could go down. Transom, train goes across. What?

So it's a transom if it goes, no, transom goes across mullions. So it's a transom if it goes No, transom if it goes across the morning. I'm just going to let you leave. No respect. No respect for joinery this guy. I just could not care less about what the things on Windows are called. Zero respect for the joinery.

Sometimes we just need to be reminded who controls the buttons, you know? Silly little pole, do you still have the COVID Tracer app downloaded? No, it was Shannon, producer Shannon, you got a notification yesterday on your phone. What did it say? Just pulling it up. It was so weird. I was just hanging out and then I get a notification saying, it's been a while since you scanned or added to your diary.

Oh shit, no one's even got the things up anymore. Yeah, I didn't even know I had it still. It's a really cooked front page. It says New Zealand COVID Tracer app is no longer available as of the 31st of October 2023. Then below it says turn on your Bluetooth tracing. Do you still have your app? Yeah, I've still got it. Literally yesterday,

Aaron said to me, he was going deleting some stuff and he was like, I'll probably get rid of this. I was like, dude, I was like a year ago. I deleted it as a way to, are you scanning me?

I'm scanning you. Yeah. Big government. Actually, I can see. Make sure we look cute. Oh my God, I can see the microchips in your blood.

Oh my God. Is this blood black? It is. His blood's black. He's shitting. He's shchips in your blood from the vaccine. Is his blood black? It is. His blood's black. He's shedding. He's shedding. He's shedding the vaccine. I can see it through the air.

Put the answer right in front of us. I know a radio network you could join. Yeah, fun. They love all these conspiracy theories. Oh, yeah. I deleted it because it was like kind of a way just to be like, okay, I'm done with you now. We're moving forward in the world.

We're moving on. Now, we're not done with COVID. I mean, we looked at the COVID numbers the other day off-air, and I was like, oh, shoot, yeah. There was an update on RNZ, and it was the numbers were as high, and I'm imagining like 90% of people won't report it anymore, right? Yeah. If someone's like, people, last time I had it and I put it,

oh no, I've got COVID. On my story, people are like, who's still testing? I'm like, ah, I don't know. People with, people with immune deficiencies or old people? Oh no, we still test. Do you still want to know and stay home if you've got it? Yeah. Yeah, I mean, great excuse for a week of work too.

Yeah, great excuse. Put your feet up. There's so much good TV at the moment. Oh, the watch guy. Do you still have the COVID Trace app downloaded? 13% of people said yes. 87% of people said no. Yeah, good.

Let's see what the people have to say. They moved on. Yes, but only because I never thought to uninstall it. Maybe I'll do that now, says Jess. Oh, God, we're going to bring the number down. Because if it wasn't on your front page, if it was in a folder, you'd just forget about it. Yeah, of course.

Kate said, I just caught COVID again, so I wanted to let them know I had it. Mainly because I wanted people to feel sorry for me. But the app doesn't work, right? No, yeah, you've got to go online. You've got to go on the internet line. Like, what is it? Your My Health or something? My COVID thing.

Kate said, yes, I've still got it, but it's only because I'm too lazy to delete it. It's top of mind, right? Yeah. Lexi. Still there for the memories. Calcode on NZ Yes I've still got it But it's only because I'm too lazy to delete it I mean with It's top of mind right Yeah Lexi Still there for the memories Speaking of which We should do a PSA

If you're a business And you've got a sign up That says Keep two metres Or scan Or you've still got Your barcode up Take them down

We've got them here We don't Dude We don't need the reminders Of the last four years No we don't Like get rid of the last four years. No, we don't. Is it four years ago today since we went into lockdown? It was in March.

Around that time. That first one. Yeah. God. I was depressed and I was very skinny. Look at you now, fat and happy. Fat and happy. Genuinely, God, what a journey.

March, five days away from the reunion, from the anniversary, rather. March 25. At 11.59pm, March 25, 2022. 2020, sorry. 2020. Catherine says, no way, I needed that storage, so I deleted it to download other apps.

God, how many other apps do you have if you're using up your phone? She doesn't have a lot of apps. Phone, how many other apps do you have if you're using up your phone storage? Michael said, it has served the purpose when another pandemic happens, I'm sure I will download a similar app. Yeah, true. They'll just re-skin it, won't they? Whatever one it is. Well, they've got the technology or so on it.

Yeah, like pig flu or whatever it's next. It depends who's in government. I don't want pig flu. Pig flu? There's worse animal fluids to get. Pigs are quite cute and clever. They are. And delicious.

When you get the pig flu, do you get smarter? Yeah, hopefully. Tamsin said yes, and it looks like I still have the one to scan vaccine passes too. She must have worked in a hospital where she had to scan the passes. Tess, I had to exit Instagram and check. Yes, I still have it, but I have not used it in ages. Mel, because I never got

COVID, which I find hilarious as a frontline worker. She's a frontline worker, she never got COVID. They need to study her. Dissect her, take her blood. Spit in my mouth. Sorry, that's too quick from me. But I mean, if she's got the goodness. You want some of her goodness.

I want some of her goodness. You should have a transfusion with her. Yeah, absolutely. Get her blood in you. Yeah. Beck said, I've had COVID five times, so I still have it on my phone. She's had COVID five times. What are you have it on my phone. She's had COVID five times. What are you at?

Three. Three. One. I'm at two. Excuse me, don't COVID shame me. I'm not. You made it, you looked at me like I was a sloth. You did.

Yeah. I mean, you said it. Did you just COVID shaming? No. He gets around, is what I'm saying. He's a COVID hooch. Um, yep, that's the little poll. Play

ZM's Fletchvorna Naley. Play ZM. Well, it's been hidden for years and years, a feature on Facebook that actually, back in OG Facebook days, came before the news feed. Yeah. Did you know that?

Yeah, the Facebook poke. That's what I just read here. It was one of Facebook's earliest signature features. It launched even before the news feed. And then there was a time where it was just really uncool. Yeah, man. And people were like, we're done with poking. Do you know in 2011, the very first parody,

like very first funny song I ever wrote was called Facebook. And it was a little ditty about Facebook, which was like all hot and cool. Yeah. And it talked about poking in it. I think it's still on YouTube. Please don't.

Oh, he simply must. Please don't share. No, if you play it, I will literally walk out. Yeah, it's got swear words in it. So there's been a huge, Meta have released some data. They won't say exactly how many people have been poking,

but they have said it's a huge rise in the amount of people. 13 times. Yeah. And apparently Jen... Aniston. Jennifer Aniston. No, Jen's ears, those aged 18 to 29, are the ones that are doing it the most because they...

They never got to do it. They never got to do it the most because they... They never got to do it. They never got to do it the first time around. They never got to poke. Yeah. So it's mostly Gen Zers and young millennials. Wow. And they are apparently the ones that make up over 50% of the Facebook pokes.

Jared, Pickstock poked me this morning. Yeah, I just... Inappropriate to do in the workplace. Apparently they've made this more visible, but you can just search poke on your search bar. Oh, you poked me. Yeah, I just... Apparently they've made this more visible, but you can just search poke on your search bar. Oh, you poked me. Yeah, I poked you. Last time I got poked before that,

so I got poked by Jared and Carl this morning. Last time... Oh, that's actually an ex-boyfriend. I didn't even... Poked me in 2020. What's he doing... I mean, you were in a happy relationship. What's he doing in 2020 poking me, Michael?

I don't know. I'll poke him back. Kerry Green poked you four times in a row in 2016. 2016. Have a breather. Why? Because I don't have a history. Mine just came up with a list of suggested friends.

No, if you go, if you, I clicked on Jared Pickstop poked you and it's taken me to this list of pokes right back to Chris Parker poked me in 2013. Wow. Before he was gay. Before he came out. No, this was after as well.

I think he was dipping a toe back. Right, okay. Dipping a toe. Yeah. Well, it's back and if you want to do this to your friends, like the old days. Get poking. Did it give you a list of people you suggest you poke? Yeah. Yeah, some of those I was like.

The second one's my mum. Yeah. And some people I'm like, this isn't appropriate. Like, people at the workplace. The fourth one's my brother. People who are 20 years younger than me. Give them a poke. I'm like, I won't.

They don't know what's... All of mine are like all just all of our friend group, basically. Yeah, Dr. Shawnee's there. I'm going to give Dr. Shawnee a poke. Oh, I'd love that, actually. Matt's getting a poke. What do I search again? Pokes on Facebook.

I just poked your wife. You just poke. Please, you just... You two need to behave yourself. Next on the show... You can see why it went out of fashion. Yeah. So inappropriate.

Play. ZM's Fletchvorn and Hayley. Five on time coming up. In the next 20 minutes, your activator chance to get through and play for that $46,000. Gosh. So much money.

God, that would be, imagine, boing. I don't know if that's how internet transfers go. Yeah, they do, boing. Boing. ZM transferred you $46,000. My account would still be in negatives. Anyway. I was going to say, can I pay them back in installments?

Would you rather have $46,000 now, or would you rather have $26,000 now or would you rather have $26,000 now and $20,000 slowly paid back to you by Vaughan Smith? You can't get a loan from our winner. I feel like it's the least they could do. I'll pay you. I'm good for it, my dude. This is how they do lotteries in America.

You win like bajillions of dollars and they drip feed it to you. Like quite badly as well over a really long period of time. Hoping that you die, I guess. Fingers crossed. Now, you may remember a long time ago, we asked you, our listeners, what hurts?

And boy, oh boy, were our listeners hurting. So in a similar vein, I wanted to know what hurt this week. Maybe you had a little... Are we accepting non-physical hurt? Like emotional hurt. Financial and emotional. It's been a double. What stings. It's been a whammy. Should we do what stings? I mean whammy.

I think we could probably do that. Everybody hurts. That's what we're going to get. We're going to get that R.E.M. song. Just a little bit and then we say it after everybody tells us what hurts. We're going to get that R.E.M. song just a little bit and then we say it after everybody tells us what hurts. We play just the tiniest little sting

of everybody hurts. Alright, you get that really button boy. I'm sorry, that was so disrespectful. No, he prefers button bitch. Button bitch. Okay, you button bitch. Excuse me, that is his preferred pronoun. I'm a button princess.

Yeah, yeah. It doesn't start with B. I'm a passenger princess and a button princess. You're a passenger princess. He's the push princess. I am. He's a button babe.

Okay. What hurt this week? Because I would call him the show acupuncturist, Dr. Wynn. I haven't been, so don't do show acupuncturist Dr. Wynn slaps. I'm thinking about just going back because you said you're going back and I was like, I could do it with an alignment. Honestly, he's just a brilliant acupuncturist. And non-spawn.

But I've got this leg thing going on still. And I saw him a couple of years ago for it, and it got better. And now it's gone worse again. So I went back, and I said to him, I'm back, baby. And he said, nice to see you. And we also got to see each other's face for the first time. Because last time I was there, we were in masks. Oh, yeah.

Yeah, with that little setback we had in 2021 or 22. What does his face look like? He's as cute as a masks. Oh, yeah. Yeah, with that little setback we had in 2021 or 22. What does his face look like? He's as cute as a button. Okay. He is as cute as a button. Anyway, so I told him the issues with my leg, and he had a feel, and he really pushed down on it, and it's bruised to smithereens, and he said, all right, gave me some acupuncture,

and then he came back into the room, pulls out the little needles, and then he goes into the drawer, and he gets out this massive needle. Like I'm talking a whopper and he pinches a bit in my leg and he looks me in the face with as cute as a button little face and he says, don't cry, okay?

And I was like, what, what, what? And he just goes, boom, boom, boom and stabs me in the leg and then puts a cup on it and sucks all this blood out. It was amazing. Felt incredible. Shabamba.

A bleeding of sorts, a medieval bleeding. Yeah. Release the evil spirits. But I just did not anticipate being hurt yesterday. Hurt so good. And so that's what I want to know. What hurt this week?

Maybe it caught you by surprise. Maybe you did a classic, jammed your head on the bloody overhead cupboards. Oh. And then you want to rip that thing right off its hinges. Maybe you stubbed a toe. Maybe you paper cut your little in between your fingers weenus bit. What hurt this week? No, the weenus is the elbow.

The weenus is the elbow. Yeah, but what's that? The weenus is just webbing. That's just webbing. Whatever. Yeah. Please don't mislabel the weenus. Yeah.

Do you know, other thing, I've got one bottle of, one thing of skin care and every time I open the bottle something on the cap cuts me and it's happened three times and every time I don't see it happen I'm just like, oh that's a tight lid. And I've just put blood everywhere over my house. Every time I've done it. That's a product flaw. And then I keep looking at the cap and my white doors and being like, there's just blood everywhere

isn't there? That hurt. Okay, so you want to hear from listeners why they're hurting. Yeah, what hurt this week? Did you hurt yourself physically? Did you hurt yourself emotionally? Are we doing the emotional ones, are we?

Maybe someone called you a big fat loser. That's rough. Big dumb loser. Maybe someone called you a button bitch. Did that hurt? Water off a duck's back, mate. Water off a duck's rough. Big dumb loser. Maybe someone called you a button bitch. Did that hurt? Water off a duck's back, mate. Water off a duck's back. You're actually a push princess.

I'm a push princess. And not the button boy. Yeah. Okay, 0800-DARLS-AT-M, 9696. Let's share our pain. We've done this before. It was very funny. You're telling me, Matt.

Fanny laser. That hurts. Oh, yeah, right. Yep. Right near your bits. I feel you. It hurts. Hey, good payoff That hurts. Oh, yeah, right. Yep. Right near your bits. A failure. It hurts. Hey, good payoff, though.

Oh, fantastic. Unless that 70s craze comes back and you are going to be out of luck. Oh, I know. It's too late. That's where you can come to Vaughan Smith's Merkins, where I've got the latest and greatest in pubic wig technology. We're asking you what hurt. What hurt this week?

Because I literally went to get some acupuncture and Dr. Wynn he looked at me and he said, don't cry okay, before stabbing me. And I tell you what, people are hurting Fletch. It hurt finding out that Fletch and Margaret are pregnant but Fletch has

a restraining order. Hell of a overnight development. I'm so sorry, I just added your pregnancy announcement. We've got to stop this fake wife-girlfriend thing because it's getting out of control. People are making fake memes. It's funny. Fake pregnancy announcements.

I'm going to have to get a restraining order against the whole country. Yeah, you will. If this carries on. Car broke down at the weekend, realised they didn't have roadside rescue, just over $1,000 for the tow truck and mechanic. That hurts. Yeah, that hurts.

Kirsty, what hurts? My face hurts. Oh, why's your face hurt, hon? I wore a surfboard. Oh my god. Not a great hat. Did it smash down on you in a wave? Well, no, I was a bit slow to reel it in. I was standing

up and I turned around and it was point blank the dick. It stabbed you in the face? No, it just slapped me like an absolute

slap to the face. Oh, God, ouch. That hurts. Did you snap it over your knee afterwards? Well, no, I was sort of bleeding a lot,

so, yeah. Now you know what it's like to be a body porter who drops into my wave, bro. I hate this. I hate this character. I hate this character.

Yo, dude. Did you need any, like, medical attention or were you just, like, knocked out? Nah, I wasn't knocked out. I had 12 stitches to my forehead.

I've got a broken nose. I split my lip. Oh, you're really hurt. So you are actually hurting. Oh, I got a little prick in the thigh.. I split my lip. Oh, you really hurt. So you are actually hurting. Proper hurt. Oh, I got a little prick in the thigh. No, no, no.

Yeah, that really puts Hayley's pain in comparison. Actually, this is going to help me heal from my hurt. Other people are hurting more than me. Yeah, really.

Amazing. Kirsty, thank you. Sarah, what hurts? My ankle hurt. Oh, wow. Why does your ankle hurt? I had laser tattoo removal. Wait, wait, wait.

Let us guess what the tattoo was. She's having it removed, so that's embarrassing. But on the ankle? Could be a playboy bunny. Could be a butterfly. Could be, is it an ex's name? None of the above. Okay.

Give us a clue. Give us a clue. Yeah, a little clue, a little clue. It's a symbol. Chinese, Chinese. Just a different language symbol for love. Yeah. Yeah, babes.

It's okay. Lots of people did it. What language did you go for? Rate of interest? It's Ghanian. Okay. And were you overseas when you got this? No, I was 18.

Okay. It's okay. Did you say Ghanian? It's from Ghana. Yeah. And you say Ghanian-esque from Ghana? Yeah. And what did it mean? Chocolate. I mean, 92% cacao.

92% cacao and chocolate. It means joy of living. Are you 90% cacao? Joy of living. Joy of living. Give it a gutsful, have you? Yeah, I just kind of... I feel like it's not, you know, it's not...

You're over life. Life's a bunch of admin-heavy bullshit. I totally understand. Yeah, right. You feel like you might be misappropriating. A little bit. A little bit. And also, like, people always think

that it looks like a chess piece or like... Oh, God. Yeah, hon. You know that Ooga Booga mask from Crash Bandicoot? Yes. Yeah. Right. I was about to say that's inappropriate,

but it is actually what it's called. Yeah. How much does it cost to remove a tattoo like that? A hundred dollars a session. And how many do you need? It's been estimated like 12. Yeah, dude. It takes ages.

Oh my God. It takes ages. Have you had a massive one? That hurts, but not nearly as much as when you leave and they're like, oh my God, that tattoo was so bad. Thank you, Sarah. So many messages and calls. We'll get to more of these next.

Why do you hurt? This really makes your little knee. Little needle in the knee feel nothing. People are really hurting this week. We want to know why you're hurting. Yeah, what hurts? My car costing $500 to repair because it failed a war on fitness. Yikes.

That's ouch. Is that what you're hoping it doesn't? Mine's on Monday. Now listen to this. See if you can pick up the humble brag. Okay. I lost my big toe after running a half marathon. That's it?

They've got a big toe. They let us know. I can't even do 5K. You don't realise how often your kid's standing on your toes until you have no nail. Topped off by gardening and flip-flops. Wow, well that's on you. And the stone that I had wedged the garden gate open with fell over and landed on my toe as well. That hurts, that hurts.

Had to breathe through some waves. Maddie, what hurts at the moment? My heart, my hands, my knees. Oh, babe. Okay, let's start with the heart. Your heart, your hands, your knees. You have to start with the heart. You okay, bud?

It's kind of backwards the way I said it. No, I was walking to my car Monday morning and was holding my hash browns and my drink bottle and everything. Oh, yum. Tripped over a bit of wood and face planted. Not only did I wind the crap out of myself, I dropped my hash browns on the ground.

That's why the heart hurts. There's that's why the heart hurts. What, a five-second rule for the hash browns on the ground. That's why the heart hurts. That's why the heart hurts. What, a five-second rule for the hash browns? Oh, not really, because they'd been mowed a couple of days before, so a bit grassy. Yeah, yeah. I would probably still eat a grassy hash brown.

So let me just get this. You chuck a couple of hash browns in the toaster just before you eat them on the way to work. Yeah, eat them in the car. Do that rules. What a great idea. Oh, I was imagining nonnies. Yeah, eat them in the car. Do that rules. What a great idea. Oh, I was imagining nonnies. Yeah, I thought you might have been coming out of nonnies.

Half slip. But no, you've made your own. Oh, that hurts my heart to drop a hash brown. Especially after you've cooked it yourself. Yeah. Cold, cold morning. Yeah. Not a great start to the week.

Sorry we feel your pain. Maddie, thank you. If you think that hurts. Yeah. Someone said, I hurt this week because I teach history and this year, 9-11, is old enough to be classed as a historical event. Stop it.

That only just happened. Yeah. Too soon. A lot of people kicking toes this week. We've got to be careful. We're all moving too fast. We need to calm down. Finally going back to the gym after two years

since having a kid. Everything, everything hurts. Oh, yeah, that first sesh back, eh? It always does. And you go hard because you're like, I'm back. Yeah, but you have to power through because no pain, no gain. Yeah, that's right. Sweats, pain, fat, crying.

Yeah. Is that what it is? Yeah. Sweats, pain, fat, crying. Yeah, that's right. Pain is weakness leaving the body. Yep. Is that another one?

That's a good one. No fair, dudes. It was a 1990s clothing brand. Yeah, that's good. That's for a heinous weakness leaving the body. Yep. Is that another one? That's a good one. No fair, dudes. It was a 1990s clothing brand. Yeah. And it just had all the great original inspirational sayings. Yeah. Stapler got stuck on my thumb

this morning when opening it. One of those dumb plastic sushi boxes. Oh, yeah. You've got to pry open the staple and the staple goes corner. Have you been to the sushi places

and they use like the thing and it's not even a staple? It just like mushes the plastic together. I like that. That's better. What is that? Like a little melty machine.

Like it melts the plastic. I don't even know if it melts. There's a stapless way of binding paper in the corner and you click it but you can't do too many pieces at once and it knots it all together.

Call me a traditionalist. I prefer a staple for paper. He loves a staple. Now here's a very aggressive person that hurts. My younger sister is a dumb bee and she's finished the word in the text. And in the shower, she placed her razor holder above head height,

one of the suction ones. While I was showering, the razor's fallen off and bounced off onto my forehead and sliced my forehead open. That's terrible. A safety razor. They go sideways. They go sideways across the slice.

I've done that where I've got, because I use a Quattro and I've had four little lines. It's pretty funny. Cat cosplay. Beyonce Texas Hold'em, she overnight released the album cover for a new album. It's her on a horse.

Looks great. She said, this isn't a country album, this is a Beyonce album. Now, if she was a Kiwi saying that, we'd all be saying, calm down. Calm down. Great photo though. Yeah, it's a rad photo.

Everybody wants that photo, right? She's like, the horse is galloping. Is the horse real? Because I don't know if she can sit on a horse. The photo of the horse has been taken at some stage. Yeah. And then she's green screened on a saddle. Yeah.

And they've shoved that on. Also, I wouldn't ride a horse with your hair out if it was that long. I'd have that tied up. And I thought you were going to say you wouldn't ride a horse with your hair out if it was that long. I'd have that tied up. And I thought you were going to say you wouldn't ride a horse in high heels. Do you know the original heels were for riding horses? Yeah, men's riding boots. Men's riding boots were the original heels. They were the original heels, my friend.

No, I can't say that. Or say your RM Williams meme. Oh, it disappeared. Oh, what are you wearing RM Williams to your office job, mate? You're worried a few emails are going to jump the fence? Take that, you bloody townies! That's good stuff.

Bloody townie wankers. Guys, I've got to say, I'm still recovering from Five on Time. I know, that was a lot of yelling just when the songs started playing about how close it was. It really stressed me out for Laura. Okay, well, your next chance to win is at midday. Okay.

Now, speaking of trying to get some extra money, I have been trying to get some extra money and some extra space in our garage by getting rid of things that we own that are not going to make it into the new house. Like furniture and rugs and chairs that don't have a home and display cabinets. I'm on my third relist from some of these things. And I just can't sell them. And a couple of the things.

You've got some junk, do you? I don't think it's junk. It sounds like you've got some crap. Do you want to look through, Vaughn? Here's my unsold. Do you, you know when something doesn't sell and you relist and then it doesn't sell?

That hurts, eh? That's like your shit. It's not junk. It's not junk. And then a couple of things that have sold, have gone for like, I've been putting like

zero reserves on them because I was like, eh, they'll just go up. People will, you know, get it going. And then like, none of it's, like something sold yesterday

for 20 bucks. I'm almost like, I almost can't be bothered something sold yesterday for 20 bucks i'm almost like i can't i almost can't be bothered dealing with you for 20 bucks yeah i'm just opening up so often you buy half of the stuff for your house this hasn't come yeah but we you know we got excited when we first got the house because we love antique furniture and we bought a whole bunch of stuff and now that the house is kind of finished. Are you making this a couple problem when someone's definitely the problem shopper? No, we got excited to buy antique furniture. This is your problem is it's antique stuff. No, that's not the problem.

Lots of people love this kind of stuff. We've got cabinets on there. We've got chairs. We've got coffee tables. How many tables? How many tables does one person need? Well, I was like, oh, I've opened the same thing twice.

I haven't. I was trying to sell these coffee tables. Now, one of them is a very fine mid-century coffee table with a brass top. Right. It shan't be selling. Probably because it's crap. And then Aaron was like, do we need to bring the prices down?

I was like, no. And then one of our rugs sold, and I'll say the rug we bought, we bought it for $800. What? A rug for $800? I know. Have you not heard of the rug sales out of containers? No, I know, but it was like a vintage rug. They've ordered too many rugs. I know. This was a long time ago

before we had this mortgage. None of these rugs are doctors. And then, it's a vintage rug and we sold it and I put a zero reserve on thinking it'll get up there silly me, sold for $86 oh no that's when you need to and I had to drop it off remember

that's when you need to get Aaron to start bidding on it to get the price up that's a dangerous game to play though because then if you win you've got to pay the success fee what am I doing wrong here I've done a nice photo shoot we're hard of sheet it's crap isn't it?

Just tell her it's crap. Just tell her she's trying to sell crap. It's a very specific taste that most people would be like, that's just crap. You wouldn't see any of this in old Scandi up the road. Absolutely not. But that's the problem is everybody's doing the Scandi homes now. Everyone's got the-

No one's doing the century antique. I've never lived in a house where any of this stuff would sit. Nah, neither. Even growing up. But you can picture it now. I grew up in a mid-century home. I never saw any of this stuff. What am I doing wrong?

Well, your niche. Oh, I know. I always wondered. The niche market here. This is antique Italian cigar table. Yeah. My grandparents had one of these and I was like, what is this? It was like this little table and it had a lock on it and the top went up.

And music plays. Yeah, it was for cigars. Or granddad's magazine. It's one of Aaron's. We keep a lot of things in there. But Aaron's one of his prized possessions. It's got nowhere to go. We've got to give it.

You lift the box and it plays a little tune. What tune does it play? I can't remember. Nobody wants that cramp in their house. No one wants that little cigar table that plays a little chore. No, nobody wants that in their house. I know. Oh, I think it's worth $50.

Anyway, I'm over trade, man. You should have a garage sale. Try an old school garage sale. I don't want people turning up with their sacks of coins to take my goods. And they're turning up at like six o'clock in the morning. It's a garage sale. Start again. I know.

Then they'll start looking at our other stuff being like, what about that? Yeah, how much do you offer that? I'll give you $4. Hey, I'm just trying to help here. No, I'm keeping it all.

You can't have my stuff. Now, if you've got a wedding coming, I don't. Still waiting? Still waiting? I don't have a wedding

coming up. But one of the biggest things to think about. Hey, look, you're engaged. That's what matters. Not according to my hand. Oh, yeah, where's that gone? I'm brewing an affair. You've got to take it on.

I'm not going to get this affair off the ground if I'm rocking a diamond ring around, am I? That's the magnet. They want what they can't have. This is where you've been going wrong. I took my ring off so that I look like an open book. Well, if you're planning a wedding, you know that one...

That's how I always find a motel when the no vacancy signs up. I'm like, don't play hard to get. Knock on the door. I know you've got a room. I'm pulling in. I want a room in your inn. Well, you'll know that finding a photographer is probably one of the most, like, the most important things. Like, one of the biggest things.

You want someone to capture the day. Vaughn, you would have put a lot of thought, I guess, probably, shard A into the photographer. They had one of those crane things with the cameras on. A jib. Yeah, we had a jib. We had a swing and boom jib. Did you have a jib? Yeah, we had a swing and boom jib.

Oh, wow. We had a director, they had a director, they had a drone. Peter Jackson did that one. Peter Jackson. That's right. That's right. God, it was long. What's with the orcs?

8,000 extras. 8,000 extras. Yeah, yeah. Green screens everywhere. You weren't even on Wahiki. Nah. It was in a studio in Wellington. And then when they were like, I now pronounce you man and wife,

and there was applause. He'd actually recorded that at a Wellington Hurricanes game. Oh, yeah, that's right. The audio from that. Yeah, that's why it was so loud. Yeah, overwhelmingly loud. Well, I think this... Fran wrote the script, didn't she?

Well, and I tell you what, the unsung hero of the entire situation is Fran Walsh. Yeah, gorgeous, gorgeous. Well, so you can get a photographer and a videographer. What annoyed me was Peter Jackson had to make a cameo in his own production. Yeah, he was the flower girl. He was. He was the flower girl

and the page boy. Yeah. Because the special effects of wedded. I know, but he looked like two foot high. It was amazing. That was Andy Serkis in the mocap suit. It's amazing. Vaughan's wedding was incredible. It was the whole thingis in the mo-cap suit. It's amazing. The whole production was incredible. It was the whole thing. Well, videographer and photographer are like key things

that people are getting now, right? Videographer is probably the newest thing. You get your beautiful photos, but you also get a great video. And I love watching them. And I hope to have one of my own one day. But now a third role that people are introducing is like a social media manager. Oh, my God.

I know. So it's like a third person on the team that's capturing this day that is there with a cell phone creating content for specifically online that you'll get the next day. Even like you can get someone that like a great creative young person who will like do TikToks and cool transitions and all that kind of stuff. Is this so that you can have stuff up on social media the night of or the next day?

Because a lot of people hate that they have to, and I get why, because the photos have to be gone through. Yeah, you've got to Photoshop. Totally, totally. Videos need to be edited. Yeah, this is a bit more kind of raw and real. And yeah, this big TikTok. Because I see it all the time,

like scrolling through reels and stuff. And people have got these like cool wedding day videos where they're doing transitions to camera of getting ready or like falling into their outfits. And I was like, well, I'd be so nervous. And you've got too much to worry about. So much to worry about. I know, but this is why you get someone

who's managing the whole thing for you and they'll just come up to you and be like right here's what you're doing a whole other person why don't you just get the guest to just airdrop you at the end of the day all the videos a lot of people are doing that we did that for Dr. Shawnee and Jared you had one song that

your table had to go and have a photo and if you couldn't find the photographer, you just took it on your phone. And I took it on mine. And they were like the best blurry kind of photos. And then you just eardrop them. Yeah, you had some grease on your camera. This person, this social media professional at a wedding, it's going to be like, hey, man, this is going to be bussing, no cap.

Can you imagine, Vaughan, you're the groom at this wedding. And they're going to be like, all right, so, Vaughan, you're going to fall forward, and then I'm going to call hold. Yeah. And then I'm just going to do a quick reset, and then I'm going to chuck your tux at you. Yeah, dude.

And then we'll do a reset, and then you'll get changed into the tux, and then I'll get it again. On review, it looks chuggy. Can we do it again? Like, bleh. Bleh. Hey, ZM's Fletch, Vaughan, and Hayley.

Fact of the day, day, day, day, day. Today's fact of the day, it's pirate week here at Fact of the Day. Arr. Arr, me artsies. And today's pirate fact comes from Oron, who listens to the show on the way to school with his mum. Oh, kia ora. And he was very excited about Pirate Week.

About Pirate Week because he's just finished a project on pirates. Oh, my God. A wealth of knowledge. Perfect timing. And he would like to submit an alcohol pirate fact. Oh, okay. Now Now how old is he? He's at school. He's a young fellow. So he's not

personally drinking the alcohol but he could be drinking if he was a pirate of age grog. Grog? You know the term grog? It's the slang for alcohol. Is that more of a British slang? Pirates. It's the slang for alcohol. Is that more of a British slang?

Grog? Pirates. It's a pirate slang. Right. And I guess a lot of pirates have British connections, so that's probably how it got back there. But grog technically is a mix of rum and water and sometimes lime and sugar,

but not for a delicious, refreshing cocktail, primarily to preserve the water. No, but that's like hard. That's nearly a mojito. It's almost rum, lime, sugar, and water. Thatarily to preserve the water. No, but that's like hard. That's nearly a mojito. It's almost, yeah, rum, lime, sugar, and water. That's a mojito. It's a mojito. Some crushed in mint and some ice.

And shove it in an aerator and get it bubbly. Yeah, and welcome aboard the good shit mojito. Yes. I thought it was Magito. I've been saying it wrong. You always embarrass us by ordering Magito. Magito. Can I have a Magito?

Minty Magito. Not everybody's done 160 days of Duolingo. Oh, yeah. Speak Spanish to us. Yeah. Go, say a sentence. Hola. Hola, chica.

I quite like all of their music, though, not just their Spanish songs. That's so lame, it's funny. It's so lame it's funny It's so lame Alright, let me continue We love a duolingo Alcohol was used to extend the life of water aboard a pirate ship This is by the way

Word for word from Oron I fact checked it And it all adds up Are we giving the school project an A plus? I'm giving this an A plus We'll ring the school and make plus? I'm giving this an A plus. Yeah, good. We'll ring the school and make sure that goes ahead. An R plus.

R. R's gotta be worse than a D. It's A, A, A. R. R plus. Alcohol was used to extend the life of water on board the ship. The first liquids often consumed aboard pirate ships were beer and water. Because beer would go bad just about as fast as water,

but it had some flavour to it. So they were hooking into that early. Hooking into that. And then they'd drink the water because the water could not be kept fresh in the wooden barrels at the time and rats aboard the ship would be drawn to the water. They would leave behind their poo.

They could not keep it clean. Yuck. Water was stored in wooden barrels. It would go bad pretty quickly. They would add alcohol, normally rum as it was the easiest to come across, to the water to kill the algae and the bacteria and make it taste better and then add in the lime and the sugar. And a little umbrella.

Yeah. And the glass. And the fresh mint leaves. Yeah. And the ice. Nom, nom, nom. And the Quirk shake. And the Boston shaker.

Yeah, pour into a cold glass. Through a strainer. So today's fact of the day from Oron is that pirates drank grog because the fresh water on their long sea voyages went bad pretty quick. Fact of the day, day, day, day, day. Now at home I've got a computer Now Oh Okay

I've got a computer What are you writing? There is a By the way there is an Instagram account. I simply must find it and show it to you because I was showing my kids the other day. It's called Computers from the 90s or something. And it's this person who collects and restores old computers.

And then they're like, remember this? And it's like, and it's the computer getting ready. Oh, yeah. Before I even think of the internet, not the internet noises, just how noisy computers used to be when they'd start up. We've got both of ours still.

We had a PC like that, you know, that's like kind of brown, torpy colour. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then we've got an iMac, one of the first ones. The bubble butts. No, not the bubble butts. One of the first like flat ones in 2006. Oh, posh.

Oh, boy. And Boy, oh boy. And then we will not throw it out because there's so many photos on there that my mum's like, I don't know where they are other than on that computer. You need to get them off. Get them off. They're on a hard drive.

That's what the computer crashes. Yeah, yeah. Well, the computer set up's in the communal area. My father-in-law's living with us. And so the three main uses for this computer. Yep. Me when I do work. Yep.

For this work and other work. My daughter who plays Roblox on it. Yep. Oh yeah. Bloody Roblox. Doesn't she have an iPad? Oh, when their time runs out because they're only allowed

so much screen time. They just changed to a different screen. She's found a loophole there. I'm kind of proud that she's found a loophole. There's part of me that's proud that she's exploring a loophole but There's a part of me that's proud that she's

exploiting a loophole but at the same time that needs to be stopped as well. But then, and my father-in-law because he's living with us looking up MSNBC stories about how Trump's

just on the verge of being taken down. Oh, really? He's anti-Trump. Which is better than living with a pro-Trump father-in-law in my humble opinion.

So, those are the three main uses. So, there's profiles on the program Chrome that save your bookmarks and such. Yeah. Now, yesterday I went to log on to Chrome because it's the first time in a while there hasn't been a Chrome window open somewhere with my profile on it. Yeah. So I went to log on to Chrome and it goes,

the username's in alphabetical order. There's August School, which is a school account. Yeah. So I went to log on to Chrome and it goes, the usernames in alphabetical order. There's August, August school, which is a school account. Indie, Indie school. John, John, John, John, John, John, John, John, John, John, John, John, John. 38. Oh my God. Okay.

So what's he done there? Well, every time he's gone to log into Chrome, he's created a new profile on Chrome. Because I see I'm on Chrome now and it goes, hi, Hayley, and you can go add account. Oh, okay. Because I don't know what this is. Or sign out. It's only you.

Yeah. Yeah, same. Mine's only me. It's like logging into Chrome. And so if you go to your Gmail, it'll automatically go in. Or if you go to YouTube, because if that's you, you're logged in through Gmail, it's like, oh, here's your YouTube account.

See, if I was you, I'd just have a separate computer login for each person. So you've got to log off. Yeah, so then you don't see their bookmarks and they don't see your search history. The admin stuff. What do you think I'm doing in the middle of the lounge on the desk mounted mat? Exactly. Those are the bookmarks. It's not that device.

Oh, right. Is that your iPad? Well, let's not go into the details of it your honour that's the one that if he dies we don't need to worry about that computer

the one at the table right I thought you wanted us to clear the history of the communal no no no my iPad behind the iPad

between the iPad and the case of the iPad there's a magnesium strip now that attached to that is a heart monitor and when my heart monitor stops and it's connected to me

when I die the Apple watch is like he's dead and that magnesium strip lights stops and it's connected to me, when I die, the Apple Watch is like, he's dead and that magnesium strip lights up and burns right through. Wow, that's like Mission Impossible. That's really good. That's good stuff. Yeah, it's good stuff. I just hope it's not on a flammable surface when I die as well because it'll take the whole house with it.

But he'd created 38 Chrome profiles. How would it have happened? So just every time, instead of clicking on the one that's already there in the drop down, he's just going add account, add account, add account. Oh, that is classic, like old person tech. Yeah. 38.

So I deleted them all. Okay. So you teach him that he doesn't need to. Okay. That would have taken time. I'd rather just every now and then delete 38 profiles. Sometimes it's the easier way. Sometimes you can't teach them.

Right click, delete. Old dog. New tricks. Yeah. No, can't be done. I would like to know your old people tech fails of recent. Oh, yeah.

My mum's a shocker for turning the computer off at the wall. What? That's not good for it. If they're going away for the weekend she'll shut it down and then flick everything off at the wall. Then when she flicks it back on the printer won't talk to the computer. Of course.

You've fresh started everything. Yeah, you've rebooted the lot. It's not going to catch on fire. But all the solving problem is on the printer you just press the Wi-Fi thing and then select the Wi-Fi. Yeah. You've got to press the Wi-Fi thing and then select the Wi-Fi Yeah. You've got to press the Wi-Fi thing and then it logs onto the Wi-Fi. And so every time you have to tell her this. She rings me and she's like

now I know I've done it again and I can't remember what happened last time. Yeah. And I'm like press the Wi-Fi button and then press the Wi-Fi button again. There you go. It's sorted. Okay, let's take some calls. 0800 Dials at M is our number. Text through 9696.

What have you dealt with lately in the classic file of old people in tech? Talking about the old person tech issues that you've had to deal with in your life. Yeah. You had your father-in-law's issue yesterday to sort out Vaughan. He'd created 38 Google Chrome accounts. Profiles, rather. Profiles using his one account rather than just selecting the one to log back into. Yeah.

Pascal, was this your mum that you had to help out? Yes, it was. Okay. What did she do? So she got the latest Samsung phone about like six months ago. Oh, okay. And texts. Yeah.

And then she couldn't figure out, all of a sudden, I don't know what she did, but all of a sudden she's like, I can't answer my phone. Like, I can't hear anybody ringing me ever. And so instead of going to like a shop to get it fixed, she just left it. So for like three months,

she would never answer any phone calls. How good is that though? She can see that I've called when it's convenient to her. Yeah, that's how we should all live our lives. So she'd ring you and if you'd miss a call, you'd just never get through to her ever again because she'd just never

answer her phone. And eventually, I caught up with her like last week and I was like, give me your phone. And I went through it and she'd had

Do Not Disturb on. Oh, classic. Oh, no. I mean, I love a Do Not Disturb, but you don't leave it on 24-7. Why is my phone just not ringing? Because you specifically asked it not to. I'm going to turn it off, too.

Oh, that's so good. Pascal, thank you. Some messages in. Someone said, my father-in-law recently, in an attempt to try to support us in our sporting endeavors, shared some photos of a friend of ours on Facebook that they'd taken. Okay. So the photos must have been of them playing sport. Somehow, instead of sharing the album,

he shared their entire photo history. So he shared all 5,162 photos on that person's Facebook profile. Can you share 5,000 photos? I do not know how that happened. That is so nerve-wracking. I know. I have some photos. I would rather

people didn't see. If your entire camera roll was uploaded right now, how bad would it be? Some funny bad and some just straight up bad. Oh, we're talking about the tech fails you're dealing with in your life. And I'm not saying it's all old people. No. Because somebody invented this technology it's all old people. No. Because somebody invented this technology.

Yeah. Young people. Old people. And it's just that it moves so fast. And you, Fletch, was just saying, do you think this is going to happen to us? It already is. Oh, yeah.

For sure. That's definitely me. You should see my kids pick up something and edit it. They can be like, and they've edited something. And I'm like, how'd you do that so quick? Yeah. They like practice.

Oh, they're going to have to help you with your printer. They are. In like 20 years, they will. I'm already helping Aaron, and Aaron's huge. Oh, Aaron's got big. Yeah. Yeah, but Aaron's never really been a tech person, has he? No, not at all.

And I kind of like that. He's a books and wood man. Yeah, I like that. He does books and he does wood. He does books and wood man. Yeah, I like that. He does books and he does wood. He does books and wood. Well, so many messages in. I'm a PA, and one day last week I was away.

My boss managed to book $47,000 worth of advertising for one property by mistake. Oh, let's hope it was One Roof. Let's hope that was on our One Roof. And we thank you for that cash injection. Thank you. We will not be refunding that. God, imagine if the house doesn't sell.

Yeah, you better hope. You better hope. I have a whole folder saved in my phone dedicated to my nan for everything from passwords to emails to phone account details, even the bank details, because this is all beyond her. Yeah.

I can't remember the amount of times I've had to reset her passwords. Yeah, we used to transfer my pop in enough money for the TAB that day. Off your trot for the horses. Okay. He needs it. Good on him. Absolutely.

He worked hard. He worked hard. My mum just discovered Facebook and from time to time assumes Facebook live is FaceTime. Oh. She sometimes goes live. Oh, so she just goes on. She goes live thinking she's FaceTime in the family. And leaving personal. That sometimes goes live. Oh, so she just goes on? She goes live thinking she's face-having the family. And leaving personal.

One time she went live and muttered that she dislikes my brother's fiancé. Oh. Wow. Oh, my God. Kill me. My mum, bless her, can't grasp the concept that she's accessing online sources and things. Apps are actually only the device. For example, I can only access my Gmail on the tablet, not my phone,

because she doesn't know that the app can also go on the phone. My mum's phone is a disaster. I tell you what, if you're a bit of an organised person, you want to have a bit of a panic attack, check out your parents' apps organisation. Oh, yeah. Oh, my God. It's just a smattering. It's shambong.

Well, this mother somehow lost her phone icon from a home screen. It's five home screens deep. So if she ever wants to make a phone call... Oh, no, no, no, no. ...which is the main thing, she doesn't want the phone. She goes up. At the bottom. She goes across, across, across, across, across, across, phone.

No! Put it At the bottom. She goes across, across, across, across, across, across. Fine. No. Put it down the bottom. My university lecturer is a very smart older woman. However, she's not the best at technology. Yesterday she was having trouble with her computer and asked a lecture room full of 20-year-olds if anyone had a flash drive on them. Blank stares all around.

They've never had to deal with flash drives. Oh, I still use them. Yeah, but you're 48 years old. That rule, dearie. On your apology. That rule, dearie, dealing with cloud technology. I'm sorry, you're not 48. I am 34 and I'm working on looking 30.

34 and you could play a late 20s mother of three. I'm just saying. Thank you. Yeah. The boobs are giving very big, I've given birth. See ya, see ya later. Actually, I'm going to have to stop you there. That's copyrighted.

Suzy Cato is a very good friend of mine. She's already sued me twice. So if you could maybe get her to drop her litigious action, that would be great. Tell her I'll review her five stars. Yeah. If she does the same for this podcast. Yeah.

And then she tells all her friends. And if you're listening, maybe give it five stars as well.