ZM's Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley - Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley's Big Pod - 20th November 2023

Episode Date: November 19, 2023

Spenders are Happier  Trolley Dash!  Top 6: Coalition Hurdles  Silly Little Poll!  Cool Mum?  Fact of the Day Day Day Day Daaaaay!See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

The ZM Podcast Network. The Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley Big Pod. Treat yourself to McCafe coffee with my Macca's rewards. Good morning, welcome to the show, Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley. Hi. We have a big announcement, 8 o'clock, we've got a concert announcement, 8 o'clock this morning after the news, and we'll have the first tickets to give away. Yeah.

And I think people are going to be very happy and excited about this. Yeah. This is what we do, we just give away. Yes. And I think people are going to be very happy and excited about this. Yeah. This is what we do. I know what it is. You know what it is? I know what it is. I just read it. It's written on this piece of paper in front of me and I read it.

Shush. I didn't know that. Embargoed. Embargoed. I didn't know that. Is it embargoed? Is it? I was about to say it.

Embargoed till 8 o'clock. We can reveal everything then. The floors of my house have been sanded and I can still smell them. There was concern, we caught up with our mutual friends, there was concern at the level of polyurethane or whatever it was that you would have been breathing in over the weekend.

Yeah. Basically been huffing. And then you did some painting on top. Yeah. Good stuff. My name's Hayley. Is it? I'm Hayley.

Hi. Hello. Hi. The top six coming up. Still no government. No. And you just heard there in the news that they've got three issues remaining. Well, I've got the top six hurdles of the coalition talks.

Remember when, I mean, a big old mouthpiece for the left over here. You remember when pre-election, everybody now involved in this chaotic coalition chat was calling the possibility of a Greens-Labour coalition a coalition of chaos? Yes. I just wanted to remind everybody that we're entering, what is this, the third week without a government? Yeah. Yeah, that's cool.

I mean, it could be worse. There's definitely other countries in the world with worse predicaments than us right now. But I've got the top six hurdles that the Coalition talks are experiencing. Next on the show, terrible news for you, Vaughan, one of your favourite singers.

I know. Could be going to prison. Off to jail. She has been treading a fine line. And it's hot. Makes her a real naughty little bad girl. Tate McRae, Greedy on ZM, Fletch Vaughan and Halle. Why does that

song just come off like that? It's how the artist chose to end the song. They just rudely come like, mid-bit. Finish on a high. But she counts off that. All songs used to fade out. No, but she counts off mid-bit. I don't want to fade out, but I want to clear

I want a sort of a hard finish, not a head-up bit. Is that something we've done? Is that something we've what does it sound like? Bring it up on See, I expected this from Hayley because at the weekend her man We've done it. Is that something we've, what does it sound like? Bring it up on Spotify. See, I expected this from Hayley because at the weekend, her man was very close with Tate McRae

at Saturday Night Live. And I was expecting Hayley to really step up and say this song sucks and I hate this bitch. There's like videos of Jason Momoa and Tate McRae on SNL and like she's all hot and they're like looking at each other. I'm like, get your eyes off of her.

There's a palatable chemistry between them. The chemistry is almost undeniable. I mean our chemistry was like undeniable as well though. But that's why you've cut her off. Have you done this? You've just edited the song to cut it mid-ba. Okay well fair enough. So that it doesn't do as well in our listener music research

polls. Yeah and she disappears into irrelevance. Right, and then Jason Momoa can't have her. Can't even remember who she is. Right, okay, makes sense. Remember me though. Shakira, and this has been in the news kind of on and off for a while, but it's in the news again.

Shakira. Shakira. Please. Shakira. Shakira. Shakira. Is expected to go on trial in Barcelona on Monday. So tomorrow. Barcelona. Barcelona. Barcelona.

Barcelona. Barcelona. Because of tax avoidance and cheating on tax. Yeah, I know. So this trial is starting tomorrow, New Zealand time. They are claiming that she cheated on $26 million worth of taxes. Jesus Christ. New Zealand dollars. Do you know the only difference between her

and hundreds of thousands of other extremely rich people is she missed it by one day? Because the idea is if you pick your country that you want to pay tax in, and people always pick places like the Cayman Islands or tax havens, and they live there to the day just over half the year. Because you've got to be there

for X amount of days. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And everywhere's a little bit different. But so she was in Spain for one day too long. So they were like, tax please.

And she's like, ah, Shakira, Shakira. Oh no, really? So that's all it is. Okay, right. Oh, I thought she was like consciously just being like, he, he, he.

So if she's found guilty, she could get eight years and two months in prison. That's the maximum. And a fine of 24 million euro. That's not it. That's a lot of euro. Yeah, that's like you double New Zealand. That's a 50 million New Zealand.

I don't know. What's she worth? Does she have it? Yeah, is it sitting in the bank account? She does have a lot of money because she's been so big for so long in... Oh, 80 million. That would still be...

That's a lot. That's a chunk, isn't it? I'll take a chunk. You might have to sell a house somewhere. A nice house somewhere. Oh, my God. You'll only be left with 30 million. Poor thing.

Oh, my God. I wouldn't even know how to get by on that. Another one says... Another one says 300 mil and another one saying 70 to 100 take out that site that said you had 69 million dollars I wish I did

I think they were meaning the football player that shares the same name as me but even he wouldn't have 69 million dollars no I don't think he would well watch this trial and see, because Shakira can't go to prison. No, God. There just wouldn't be fear.

Oh, no. Look at them, they're so small and humble, so you don't confuse them with mountains. They're strong legs like my mother. I mean, do they do karaoke in prison? Get into your feet. I'm on your feet. Whatever. Did they do karaoke in prison? Can you do that for Friday Flashback this week?

Please? So it would be my honour. There you go. It would be my honour. It's a beautiful song. Long tease. Long tease. Long tease.

Stay tuned Friday, listener. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley. It's like me. You prefer to spend your money than have it rotting away in a bank account. Rotting away. Collecting pesky interest and doing bad things, then I've got good news for you.

Turns out spenders are happier than savers in general. Do you know why? It's because we're getting all the fun things. You're getting the hits too. You're buying all the great stuff. Dopamine hits have all got new things. 73% happier with their financial life and their life in general. They consider 38% of your annual...

I beg your pardon, ma'am. 38% of your annual income. Yeah. Am I pronouncing that correctly? No, annual. Annual. Yeah, there's two N's, hon. Oh, my gosh.

38% of your annual income being spent on miscellaneous purchases and treats is what they equate as a spender. Okay. 38%. And they're happier. That's like not savings not rent not power just treats

are happier but then you're not happy when you don't have money to pay the rent or things that you need because you've spent

look how miserable even you are just even thinking about that you're just like oh oh no the rent it'll come

it'll go it'll find its way you just gotta will the rent. It'll come. It'll come. It'll find its way. You've just got to will the rent and the mortgage payments. I used to always say, oh, money will come. It will come, yeah. With no idea of when and where. I mean, I've been a freelancer my whole professional career. And then, yeah, I was like, I haven't been kicked out of anywhere.

It all happened. You look at like six months, there's no work in the calendar. You'll be like, ah, I still need that dress. They say people are happier if they're spenders, but are they more miserable if they're savers? Yeah, they say that you're wiser if you save, but you're happier if you spend. Right.

I mean, I could get hit by a bus. When there's just pesty money sitting in my bank account For what you lot So buy that new jacket I don't have anyone to leave it to That's my money to enjoy I've earned it Not some bloody distant cousin

Or niece or nephew Screw them That's not on me Some distant cousin is just going to rock it What distant cousins on your will? Yeah, no distant cousins. No distant cousins, yeah. No, in fact, as I have pointed out before, I don't have a will.

So actually, that money that I do have in my bank account, of which there is not much, for I like to spend it. Well, you're negative money at the moment, so I don't think anyone wants anything to do with you if you die. I'm not sure what that minus sign means. It means you owe a lot of money. I thought I had a lot. No. It's really confusing.

No, no, no. It's not clear. Because the number's quite big. Yeah, all of it that you thought you had, it's on the other side of zero. What, I owe it? Yeah. To who? The bank. I don't like them. 4.6 million likes on this Instagram post I'm about to tell you about.

One hundred and seventy-one thousand five hundred and twenty-three comments. People in disbelief because it is the post from Snoop Dogg that said, After much consideration and conversation with my family, I've decided to give up smoke. Please respect my privacy at this time. I love that. Snoop Dogg. Please respect my privacy at this time.

The photos he's been posting are so funny. It's so funny. This isn't a joke because this is like, I mean, obviously he's known for his music, but if you said, what is Snoop Dogg known for? You'd say Smoking Wade, right? Smoking Wade, yeah, totally. One of the world's most famous.

After he's released a bag with stash pockets in it and another lighter. Remember how he did those lighters? That's right, he did merch. Martha Stewart. Yeah. Yeah, so he said, no, you... And hasn't added to that, just said that's the situation

and people either don't believe it or they're like, good on you. I feel like someone like, he can't just come out and say that and then leave it at that. Yeah. Is it a health thing? Well, I mean,

he's not a bloody spring chicken anymore. Oh my God, I just opened Instagram and went in the search bar and searched Instagram. What did it say? Did you just crash Instagram? Snoop Dogg's like, what?

How old do you think Snoop Dogg is? Isn't he like 50 something? 55? Lower. 54. 40 something. Nah, he's in his 50s. 52. But yeah, all the headlines are Snoop Dogg gives up weed. Yeah, I know. It's so funny Dogg gives up weed. Yeah, I know.

It's so funny. He posts a lot. Yeah, he does, and he posts the most bizarre shit as well. It's so funny. Yeah, because he's normally high most of the time. What's he going to be posting now? Guys, he's deleted it. No, no, it's just so far down. It's like he literally posts six or seven posts a day.

Oh, yeah. It's still there. But still no further comment. No further comment. Oh, yeah. It's still there. But still no further comment. No further comment. Okay, wow. No further comment. That's weird. Oh, yeah, he literally posts so much.

That's what he's known for. Yeah, I mean, what would be... It's like... I was going to say, like, what would you have to give up for people to be like, what? Not believe it. Guys, please respect my privacy. I don't do cats anymore.

I'm parting ways with my cat. I do dogs. I've got a dog. I'm thinking of becoming a dog person. You got into the hard stuff. Yeah, you giving up booze. Your Prosecco.

Guys, please respect my privacy at this time. I'm switching from Prosecco to still. This is a decision I've made with great consideration between my family and I. I ask for privacy at this time. While I transition.

They'll come to us for comment. And we'll say, actually, this is entirely her deal. I'd prefer not to be asked about it. I'm going to be like, Hayley, we heard that you're giving up drinking. I was like, who the hell told you that? I said I'm giving up Prosecco, you idiot. I've moved to Savion Blanc. You damn fool. You fools.

Well, good luck to Snoop Dogg. Yeah. I hope it's not like a health thing. Like he's sick or something. Yeah. I mean, his personal blunt roller is out of a job. That's right. He hired someone to do that. Amazing.

Oh, Snoop Doggy Dog. 627. It would be nice if he could find another big name weed smoker to employ that roller. Oh, yeah, yeah. To Seth Rogen. Seth Rogen and Willie Nelson could do halfies. Yeah.

But then I know Seth Rogen's very particular about rolling his irons. Yes, he is. Yeah, he is. Yeah, he is. Well, an Auckland couple have lived out an absolute dream of mine. They have, at a pack and save supermarket, had four minutes to run around the supermarket with a trolley and fill that trolley with anything they want. I would just... And then leave.

There's part of me that just for the chaos alone would love to go to the muscle machine where you press the button to stop the water and just fill the trolley with muscles. Muscles. Well, you'd get like, what, $100 worth of muscles? You couldn't eat them in time for the mistake of the rest. But it would just be funny to then just have water passing out the bottom of your trolley and you just, it's full of mussels and then you'd be like, oh, actually, I've made a terrible mistake.

Everyone's like, did you get soap and whatnot? I just went, I've got all the mussels. And then they're like, I can't take these home. I don't have anywhere to put them. And they just leave the trolley with someone to sort out. Yeah, I feel like you would panic in a grocery grab. Everyone's getting laundry detergent, candles, pans.

Muscles. They ended up, at the end of their four minutes, this couple ended up with $1,397.19 worth of free stuff. I'll say three things. Three, no, so they actually- Trouble blocks of cheese. And I don't know what the rules are. The video does show them kind of, you know,

sprinting, running around quite fast. So they were allowed to, like, sprint slash run ash. Because, you know, I thought they might say no sprinting because of safety. Yes. It doesn't appear to be any, like, no, you can't go down this aisle. But the photo and the video I've seen, they're in the meat. A lot of meat in the trolley. And really nicely packed as well. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I would just chuck it in. Yeah, a lot of meat in the trolley, and really nicely packed as well. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

In the trolley. I would just chuck it in. Yeah, yeah. Also a half trolley. Cheeky bastards. No, that's a full trolley. No, not a pack and save, buddy. That is a little trolley.

The trolleys at pack and save are one bedroom. I wonder if they would let you, what pack and save was it? Westgate. Oh, is this your one? I wonder if they would have let me bring a Costco trolley. Because those Costco trolleys are like twice the size. Yeah. No.

Well, I would go, yeah, I'd get some meat on the way past, but I wouldn't dwell on meat because I'll just eat meat as I go and I don't have a big freezer. So that's that. Then I'd be heading into cosmetics and I'd be getting skin care moisturizer. Yeah, but your cosmetics are like the other side of the supermarket. Yeah, I know, but I'm moving. I'm going past meat quickly. There's a shortcut at Westgate, Parkinson's.

Yes, there is. You can tuck down the side. Just after you go through the stuff, just as you hit the fruit and veg, you can nip through and end up in the chips. Wait, are we going to the booze aisle? Well, there's no booze in West Auckland. It's West Auckland.

No, Westgate you can. Oh, can you? Yeah. Okay. We're Rodney, baby. Is it just on the wrong side of the road? Because there's one of those West Auckland bottle shops on the other side of the road. Is that the boundary? Well, then maybe you weren't allowed to do booze. Oh, maybe I'm wrong.

I don't think there is booze. No, yeah, maybe you're wrong. I could be wrong, yeah. West Auckland supermarkets don't have the booze, don't they? But our way they are. Is that a little bit further? Yeah, that's a little bit further. Okay. And then I would do that and then I would go laundry and household cleaning. Oh, yeah, because you get your spray and wipes and stuff.

Then I'm going to the... I get all the stuff that you get at the supermarket and you're like, oh, did we need that? And you buy it and it ends up tripling your... Toothpaste. Toothpaste. Olive oil. Olive oil.

Yes. Vinegars. Vinegars? Sources. Oh, yeah, lots of condiments. No, I Olive oil. Olive oil. Vinegars. Vinegars. Sauces. Lots of condiments. No, I'm just going to get bougie vinegars. I think we all think we would do better, but I all think we would panic in the moment. You've got four minutes.

I know you've got a trolley full of tampons. The supermarket's huge. I don't even really meditate that often. I'd be so excited. I'd be lobbing glass jars at the trolley. And it'd be like, psh. I don't know if there are rules with that, but it's all quite neatly stacked

and they are putting it in, not chucking it in. Sounds to me like some bullshit rules. You've got to think canned and jarred goods would be good because they'd last. You could stack your garage with them and whatnot. Canned goods are like cheap. So I'd be trying to go for bang for buck. Would you do any bakery items?

I'd get it. I'd have a croissant for the ride. For the ride home. Protein bars, all that would be great. No, see, this is why. Living the dream, I would love to do this. When did they find out they were doing it? How far ahead of time?

Well, that's the thing. If you only found out as you arrived, you'd be like, you've got to have a game plan. What do we need? What do we need? What's coming up? Christmas.

Yeah. I just love this idea. Christmas gifts sorted? I think they do well. Just message your chat saying you'd just go straight and fill it up with nuggies. It's a freak of the frozen.

But they take up a lot of real estate in the freezer. Nuggies. Oh, you'd almost have to buy a chest freezer. Ifies. Oh, you'd almost have to buy a chest freezer. If this was you, you'd almost have to buy a chest freezer. And then you'd save just as much money on your chest. A Christmas ham would be good.

They do well. $1,300 or just under $1,400. I wish I could have the chance to do this. It'd be so much fun. How did they win a chance to do this? I don't know. Go to that supermarket. I've never seen any.

Just a promo. They must have entered. I've never seen any. Just a promo. They must have entered. I didn't see any promo. You must have entered but yeah, I think they won a prize because it's their birthday. So,

I'd do more of this. I like this. This could be a TV show. I'd watch this. We should do a promo and people can come in here and just grab anything. What would you grab

in this studio? The cowhide chairs? No, that bugger. The legs are wobbly. I think everyone would take our MacBooks. Yeah, MacBooks are gone.

They'd be gone. Would we have to give them our passwords? Oh, good luck updating it. We can barely get into these laptops. Fletchvorn and Hayley, the show. Thanks to Bit Cafe. Start your day with a great tasting Bit Cafe coffee.

The show. The show. The show. The show. From the bustling ZM think tank, this is the top six. We just don't let them get away with anything, do we? Yeah, you could have let that slide. We could be like, poop-dee-poop-dee-poop, and then you make one mistake. I apologise.

Yeah. We're holding you to a different standard. Back to you, Vaughan. Thank you, Hayley. The Coalition talks on going over the weekend, although yesterday, Christopher Luxon said, no more face-to-face meetings this weekend.

Sounds like he's had a gutsful. Yeah, he's tired. Sounds like he's had a bloody gutsful. Well, there are some final hurdles. I've got the top six final hurdles of the Coalition talks, and then we'll have a government. Hey, you can see yesterday, there are three final hurdles. I've got the top six final hurdles of the Coalition Talks, and then we'll have a government. Hey, you can see yesterday there are three sticky points, sticking points.

Those would be interesting. Yeah, it would be the three of them. Yeah, one's called David, one's called Chris, and one's called Winston. Yep. Top six final hurdles for the Coalition Talks. Number six, they have to explain to Winston how to get his phone onto the Wi-Fi over the phone

that needs to be connected to the Wi-Fi, but he's also on the phone. Yeah, that's hard. That's really hard. You know how hard that is. That's a real stress. That's going to be a lot of people's Christmas. Home with their parents. Sorting out the IT issues. Sort that out. Yeah, the printer as well is not connecting. Number

five on the list of the top six final hurdles for the Coalition Talks. Christopher Luxon's just working out how to crowbar in that he was CEO of Air New Zealand. He's kind of waiting for the right time to be like, when I was... He's usually not shy about it, though. No, doesn't hold back. Immensely proud, but yeah, it could be hard to sort of... I think he actually was CEO, worked into the title of Prime Minister.

Prime Minister and CEO of New Zealand. Number four on the list of the top six final hurdles for the coalition talks. David Seymour has to have his AI programming updated, so he seems just a little bit more human. Do you reckon he wants to be Deputy Prime Minister? And they're like, no, David. David.

I don't know what he, because he never really said what he wanted. It's not like he said, I'd love to be up there. God,'t know what he, because he never really said what he wanted. It's not like he said, I'd love to be up there. God, he wouldn't be, would he? Finance? We're neutral. Would he want to be Minister of Finance?

Yeah. Get his little, get his dirty little hands into the purse. Get his dirty little hands into the purse of the country. Yep. Number three on the list of the top six final hurdles for the Coalition Talks. Winston has had way too many ciggy breaks. He loves a durry. He's always like, Yep. Number three on the list of the top six final hurdles for the Coalition Talks.

Winston has had way too many ciggy breaks. He loves a durry. He's always like, yeah, great work, guys. What's that we call a 30-minute cig break? Yeah. Like, you just had one. Yeah, and then he walks back in carrying a scotch, and they're like, where'd you get that from?

He's like, come on, you squares. Yeah. Smoke a cig. And they're like, you can't smoke your ciggies inside. And he's like, it's PC madness. Loosen, you squares. Yeah. Smokers. And they're like, you can't smoke your ciggies inside. And he's like, it's PC madness. Loosen up, squares. Number two on the list of the top six final hurdles for the Coalition Talks. Number two is Christopher Lux's decided he doesn't really want to do it anymore. Oh, right.

He's like, oh, this actually happened? This sucks. Why would anyone want to do this? And number one on the list of the top six final hurdles for the Coalition Talks. David Seymour's teaching them all a dancing with the stars dance that he learnt when he was on that. So when they settle on a government, they can release a TikTok of

them doing a dance. A three-person dance. Imagine. Imagine it. Glorious. Savage love. Break my heart. Please, yes, make that happen Oh no That is a no sub sex Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley

Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley Silly little po Silly little po It is so silly silly silly That silly little po Silly little po Silly little po Silly, silly, silly, that silly little pole. Silly little pole. Silly little pole.

Silly little pole. Silly little pole. Today's silly little pole at the centre of today's silly little pole, the mimosa. The humble mimosa. Orange juice. The orange juice and bubbles. Yep. I don't really like mimosas.

They're not for you? You're going to drink at that time in the morning. You have a breakfast. I'd have a breakfast beer, like a Guinness or a Kilkenny or like a rich stout. Do you like Bloody Marys? Nope. No. Neither. It's like a spaghetti bolognese vodka. I know.

Yeah. Hold the celery, mate. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I love a mimosa. I love a mimosa. I love a mimosa. But when we had the Rugby World Cup, we had mimosas. And you messaged, I think, being like, do we want pulp? Because I wouldn't go pulp in my orange juice.

If I was just going to have a glass of orange juice. Pulp. Pulp, of course. Yes. But if you're going to have it as part of a mimosa, I would have thought no pulp because the pulp will rise to the top. It's a weird flute thing. You've got like this iceberg of pulp on the top.

Yeah. It's also bubbly, which is a bit weird. I love it. So I would have thought you'd go no pulp if you were doing a mimosa. I'd go I like the pulp because it feels like you're getting a proper orange juice. Yeah. Like a freshly squeezed. Not a cheap concentrate. Yeah.

Reconstituted. Yeah. With predominantly apple juice as the concentrate. Yeah, reconstituted. Yeah. With predominantly apple juice as the base. Yeah. Apple's doing a lot of heavy lifting in your everyday orange juices. They are. Well, how did the nation vote? 72% of people said no pulp.

In their mimosa. In their mimosa, 28% of people said pulp. Wow, okay. I'm sorry. I would have said to follow, because I think we have done a pulp or no pulp. Pulp or no pulp orange juice. In the past, okay. I'm sorry. That would have been interesting to follow because I think we have done a pulp or no pulp. Pulp or no pulp orange juice. In the past, yeah. So align the two studies we've conducted. Yeah, yeah.

Run them back to back there. Very scientific. Oh, yeah. Well, some feedback. Josh, regular contributor to Saludal Pulp. No pulp. Pulp feels too healthy and I'm already having a mimoser and I'm already past the point of no return.

True. I don't want health near me when I'm having a blowout. So it's not like a consistency thing. It's just a purely... Yeah. You don't even pretend to be healthy at this stage. Alice says, no orange juice, full stop. She's a straight bubbles girl.

Yeah, right. A breakfast Prosecco. Yeah, not even dressing it up. Just, you know, wasteful calories. No pulp. If I wanted to eat breakfast, I'd be getting an Eggs Benny, says Alicia. She doesn't want any non-liquids as part of her mimosa. Connor says, I prefer a pulpy juice, but that is not acceptable when I'm trying to get pissed like I'm fancy.

So there you go. He's like us. Really, the people just wanted a cut to the chase, aren't they? Yeah. It's pulp. What are you, non-pulpies? We're not children. So Daniel's pro-pulping a mim mosa Pro-pulp, yeah, okay

Bridget, pulping teeth Bad breakfast look when you're trying to look sexy Why are you trying to look sexy at breakfast? Well, I assume everyone is trying to look sexy at a bottomless brunch It's not the end result, is it? It's not just like going out for brunch Which you presumably may be a little bit dusty You didn't sleep well

Maybe you've just engaged in an entire night of Sexual conquest Not just like going out for brunch, which you presumably may be a little bit dusty, you didn't sleep well. Yeah. Maybe you've just engaged in an entire night of sexual conquest. Oh. And you need to refill the tank. With pulp. This guy knows what I'm saying. This guy knows what he's saying. This guy.

This guy knows what I'm saying. Yeah. Refilling the tank after a night of sexual conquest. No, I like a lot of sleep. I like sleep. Yeah, he refills with sleep and exercise. Yeah. Like a prick.

Whatever you're doing for your brunch, but if it's a bottomless brunch, you're trying to look sexy. Yeah, he refills with sleep and exercise. Yeah, yeah. Like, so prick. Whatever you're doing for your brunch, but if it's a bottomless brunch, you're trying to look sexy. Yeah, okay. I think it's a sexier brunch. And palm, I wouldn't have thought palm remains in the teeth,

not normally. Sometimes in the back teeth you get a little pith in there. Yeah, a little pithy. A little pithy anchor. Cameron said, easier to swallow whole without palm. So she's just necking them.

Right. She's necking them. Right. She's necking mimosas and she doesn't want the pulp getting in the way. Having done a bottomless brunch today, says Emma, who sent this at 20 to 5 in the afternoon, so I assume she's had a little snooze. Yeah. She did the bottomless brunch. She's come home.

She's had a two and a half hour nap. She said, I can confidently say no pulp is the better option. Right. Okay. So she's fresh off the bottomless branch. So there you go. No pulp. I just feel like mimosas. No pulp in the mimosas.

That's the nation has spoken. Yeah. Play ZM's Fletch Vornanalee. Play ZM. I feel like I'm always bombarded with advertisements for like health trends and whatnot. You know, Maddie McLean was trying to push keto pills on me. That's actually not.

Hilary Barry was trying to push keto pills on me. Those were gummies. Keto gummies. And they were AI Maddie McLean and AI Hilary. And I didn't see them. Did it make them fat? And they're not fat. It did.

Maddie's photo was so funny. That's the best part about it is he would have been so offended. That's the best part about it because he wouldn't like if it had been like just the skinny Maddie he would have been like fine

if they'd used good photos. The part that would have bothered him the most was the before photo. Discuss this with Maddie McLean's mum on Thursday having dinner. They got drunk and I was messaging her photos of Maddie dressed as Taylor Swift at our Halloween party. She said, we should do dinner. And so now it's a big group.

Are you travelling to her or is she travelling to you? No, she's in Auckland. Lovely. All of us are going out with her. Oh, lovely. Yes, I did invite you both, but... You didn't? I got a loose invite. Like, lovely. Yes, I did invite you both, but... No, you didn't. I got a loose invite.

Like, none of the details. I'm not here. I'll be dining at sea. That's right. You're on a cruise. Aboard the Disney Wonder. You're on a Disney cruise. I'm on a Disney cruise, baby.

Like a boomer. Yeah, baby. Yeah. Anyway, this, like... Yesterday I was on the Gram, and it was an advertisement for, like, do you suffer from IBS? And lean more towards the IBS that causes constipation.

I was like, that's me, man. That's me. Yeah, you've spoken a lot about your IBS. I have. Now that's the computer company? Yeah, IBS. The IBS computer system? No, it's the trades place.

IBS. Right, independent bowel systems. Yeah, that's right. Right. And it was a woman butt-chugging coffee, basically. What? I beg your pardon. Sorry, what?

Clean your act up, Sproul. Butt-chugging. Butt-chugging coffee. How do you butt-chug coffee enemas? Coffee enemas. How do you? Because when you sip coffee, you're like, is this going to be hot? Oh, far out.

If you're just pouring it straight up the nose. And wait, do you add milk? Do you add a couple of sugars? No, you wouldn't add milk or sugar. It's not, you won't taste it, I believe. So it's- Hell of an experience if you can. I know.

It was a company called Happy Bum Co. Happy Bum Co. I love that. And it was a woman lying on her back in her shower on a towel. Wait, this is man pause. This is on Instagram. And she had an enema up her bum hanging from the shower like this. Wait, so was it shower assisted or just gravity?

Gravity. Is it plugged into the shower? No, no, no, it's just gravity. So you pour your coffee into the bag and then you funnel it into your bum. But it was just like, you know, if a bit leaks, you probably want to be somewhere in the shower, not just lying on your carpet. What happens with an enema?

Does it stay in there? Well, no, you'd get on the toilet and it would come out. How long do you try to hold it in there for? Four to five minutes. Because you all remember last week, was it last week I had my colonoscopy? I had to have a little enema as well to get it flowing and I was standing, but that had irritants in it

to like make you go. So the idea for those with IBS, the coffee, what does the coffee do? Oh, you know, detox, antioxidants and get things moving and unblock four to five kgs worth of stored shite in your colon. Yeah, I know. And anyway, usually I'd be like, oh, I don't know what it was about yesterday. Maybe it was the bloody floor fumes from polishing my floor.

But I was like, absolutely, I need this. Did you order it? No, I haven't, but I'm about to. Because you're a shocker for the target average. Yeah, I know I am, especially on Instagram. Like, the Instagram was, like, convincing me. It said it feels so good. You get all this stuff flushing out of you.

Because a lot of people have been doing the, it sounds gross to say, but the poo pills. Well, that was another thing. Where you get someone's healthy, because, you know, there's a whole gut. Poo transplants. The gut health thing. Yeah, so if you take the faeces of a healthy gut person, put it into a pill form, and you ingest it, it sort of corrects your gut health. Just don't think about what you're taking.

So this is the aftercare of the, yeah here she is, look mate, she's just lying on the floor, little tube up her butt. There was another one, she was like, hey, I'm only fine. And the coffee goes in and then, oh okay, wow. Yeah. Oh I keep getting that bread knife advertised to me as well, that it's like a bread saw. What do you do with that? Oh right, that's

unrelated. That's unrelated. Or if you're putting a coffee up there, I thought you might be sending a Danish up as well. It's a bread saw, your unrelated. Or if you're putting a coffee up there, I thought you might be sending a Danish up as well. It spreads all your butt. You get a special plunger as well so that you don't mix your butt plunger with your everyday coffee plunger. Right. And a little towel to lie down on.

Shove it in your bum and... And you don't have IBS. You don't have IBS. And then it just fixes it all, you know. I don't know about that. Yeah, well, I will let you know if I do end up... Maybe don't. Maybe don't have an IBS? And then it just fixes it all, you know? I don't know about that. Yeah, well, I will let you know if I do end up... Maybe don't, maybe don't. ...chugging some coffee in my new shower.

This is a problem when you... Plenty of space to lie down in my new shower. It's perfect, actually. Yeah, right. Okay, well, good luck with that. Thank you. How many days till Christmas? 34 days

Oh god I'm excited I've also got Aaron on board with the Christmas tree How did that happen? I don't know we were just talking about it and I told him how much I said I really want a fluffy one It's the fumes from the floor sanding Yeah you're as high as a kite at the moment When he opens a window he's going to change his mind

Yeah I know and then I said I really want a fluffy one I said but they're so expensive he's as high as a kite at the moment when he opens a window he's going to change his mind yeah I know and then I said I really want a fluffy one I said but they're so expensive he's like well what are we talking I said I saw one the other day a really fluffy luxe one it was a thousand bucks he said what

and he was like can you not no Hayley I need to see it before you buy it no we're not doing that I thought like a hundred dollars and I said Aaron

do you want to see what you can get for a hundred dollars and I showed him this you can get a real Christmas tree for a hundred bucks yeah but we've decided to go fake. Because we hate planet Earth. And it's... I was like, I showed

him one of those little mini spinly... I was like, that is so embarrassing. We need seven foot min. And we were looking on Trade Me. Anyway. How much are they going for there? They're going for about $250. Like a couple of hundred? Yeah. And I was like, that's good for one that's pre-loved and now people are moving into smaller houses

or whatever. You kind of forget with the fake Christmas trees how much effort they are to unfluff them and then you've got to put them somewhere for the other 11 months

of the year. Cable tie them. Do you know what I mean? Like not cable tie but like strop them. I'm never trying to get that thing back in the box. Do you remember doing that?

Oh, so you're going to keep it whole. You're just going to strop it to the wall. No, you split it in half and then put it together and I'll strop it all up and then chuck it in storage. You just put it in the back yard. You just take

up the decorations, put it in the back yard. It just looks like a tree for the other. It just gleams. I love it. I love it. I really think you'll be able to spot it. Anyway, that aside, I don't even know how, oh, me and Vaughn are part of a group chat with Aaron and Sade.

They're in that one. And our friends Jake and Casey are called the QMU Meat and Gun Society or something. Right. Gun Meat and Toe Club. Okay. Things we are passionate about collectively. Don't know how I'm in this. Toe as in, I need a toe because I've broken down, not toe as in phalange on your foot.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And it was about like going to the local Christmas parade because we all live very close to each other. The first year we moved out there, we weren't quite sure of what the Christmas parade was. And then we went down to, and we sat on the side of the road with the picnic blanket and just noticed everybody was on the piss.

So Shardo's like, quick, run to the piss. Oh, so wait, that's why you're going. Because I wondered why the rest of you would go if you didn't have kidsardo's like, quick, run to the booze store. Oh, so wait, that's why you're going because I wondered why the rest of you would go if you didn't have kids. Yeah, yeah, no, no, no. It's a party.

It's a party on the street. The first year, the local home kill place had a float and had like a pretend strung up reindeer on their home kill truck. It was pretend,

but it was wild. Like, we were just like, whoa, and it's cool. I grew up in a small town where the Santa Parade or the Christmas Parade was like a pretty big event. Yeah, I've marched in lots of them. Yeah, but they're generally like a weekend

mid-morning. This is a Friday night. This is a Friday night. Are you getting the vibes? Are you picking up what we're putting down here? Now I'm getting the vibes. Well, Sharts got in the chat and was like, oh my God, we pack a little blanket, some food, some drinks. We just sit on the side of the road and watch, like, cars go by. And then somehow we were all on board, like, absolutely put it in the cow.

Yeah. And then somehow we started talking about perhaps we should just enter a float. Well, Jake, because Sharts sent through the map of the proposal, and he thought she was proposing we enter a float. Oh, right. And that's how the idea came up. And then I was like, I mean, Aaron's got a ute.

We could hop on the back of the tray. Or these guys have a big van. Your old Land Rover. The Land Rover could go on it. The landing, yeah. Because people loved looking at those.

A boat. What? Friends have got a boat. Oh, yeah, right. And we could be on the boat. Yeah. Pretending to fish. Yes.

That's our old theme. But you've got to dress as elves though, right? Yeah, fishing elves. Yeah. Pretending to fish. Yes. That's our theme. But you've got to dress as elves though, right? Yeah, fishing elves. Fishing elves. Elves that are just, the hard work's been done and now they're just having a summer of relaxing. Because does it have to be Christmas themed or can we just be promoting a local business? No, that's all, that's 100%

like some tinsel but you're just promoting your local business. Fantastic. 100%. We could just promo anything and everything. And the best part is there's always a Scottish band in it. What do you call a Scottish band? Highland band. A Highland band. Yeah.

Bagpipes and drums. Pips and drums. See, I love that. I could put my marching uniform on just to sort of, I could just be a solo marcher behind. Because you'd look a little bit like the Nutcracker. Yeah, a little bit. Oh, yeah, I'll get a Busby.

Energy to your marching outfit. I mean, this could be real fun. ZM, we could put in a float on the back of Aaron's ute. We could all be there with microphones and headphones saying, ZM, playing Doja Cat. Yes. Drowning up the Scottish bagpipes with Doja Cat. Maybe they know how to play along.

Maybe they'd start playing. Then you're not going to be able to party, though, and get the picnic blanket out, are you? You have to be working. It's a very slow parade. Right, okay. Yeah, you could just pop on, pop off. Right.

And on the float, other than the person driving the thing, the rest of us could be having some drinks on the float. Yeah. Do you want to come? Wow. Oh, no, no. The gap was too long. I'm away. I'm away. the rest of us could be having some drinks on the float yeah do you want to come wow oh no no the gap was too long I'm away I'm away

this is the guy that purposely leaves Auckland when the Santa parade's happening because he doesn't like the happiness the merriment the joy

you know I get back it's still going on this Sunday is that this Sunday yeah it's this Sunday I think it's this Sunday or next yeah next weekend I think

should we go and get some ideas for our float do you know it ends by my apartment and it's this Sunday. I think it's this Sunday or next. Yeah, next weekend I think. Should we go, Vaughan, and get some ideas for our float? Do you know it ends by my apartment and it's so loud. I'm like, oh my God. So I always try to go away. It's loud with the sound of joy and Christmas. Yes, it is this Sunday. Farmer's Santa Parade Sunday the 26th of November. See, I'd like to see you

budgeos in that parade because that would be funny. Or in our little Mazda ute. That would be fun to watch. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley. Sorry, just reading it again makes me laugh. And I don't mean to laugh at other people's harrowing

ordeals, but this is rather funny. On Saturday at Newmarket Westfield, which is my mall of choice. Oh, it's a great mall. In Auckland. Great mall. It's chaotic. Great mall.

It's chaotic on the weekends. You can just drop me off at Archie Brothers. Yeah, exactly. And I'll play the video games while you're doing your shop. Have a hot dog. Yeah, we love that. Go to the movies. Great cinemas.

Oh, you have good movies here? All great cinemas. Great, great shops. It's awesome. They've got fancy. They've got cheap. They've got a Lego store. Yeah, they've got it all. However, on

Saturday, people were trying to leave and were stuck in a traffic jam leaving the Westfield for hours. The weather was really bad. The weather was really bad and the street it leads out onto, if you don't know Auckland, is called Broadway and it's

busy, busy, jammed, lights everywhere, like one lane each. So apparently that was really congested, which meant the flow from the mall onto the street was totally backed up. Some people were waiting for three hours trying to leave there. I've been stuck in a traffic jam in this car park before.

Do you remember when a woman wedged her van at the exit? That's right. And I ended up abandoning my car because I was on seven days that night and I just left the car there and got picked up. But you do get stressed. People are like, oh God, it was awful. One woman admitting that due to being trapped

in her car for so long, she weed her pants. She weed herself. I'm just popping a squat beside my car before I pee my pants. I just get out and wear straight on the concrete. You get a bottle or something in the car, right? I don't want to be carrying around that disgusting urine. I'm leaving it there and there. This is not my fault.

If someone has to be blamed, it's this bottleneck of a car park that was designed. I'm not going to feel bad about urinating on it. I would just, I'd just leave my, because your car's not moving, right? I'd just go squat behind another car. Great call. People are calling for them all to have accountability

and being like, I pissed myself. But also you're willing, it gets to the point where you don't just get out and relieve yourself against something, but then you'll tell everybody that you pissed your pants. Yeah, I wouldn't be telling everyone I pissed my pants. But then I did. You remember I had the Lime Scooter incident,

but I feel like that's different. You didn't blame Lime, though. All the cobblestone streets of Prague. Yeah, I had a campylobacter, didn't I? Yeah. So that was that fault. But I mean, I told you guys, and then you kind of outed me on the air, didn't you? Yeah, that's life. Yeah, that, I had a campylobacter, didn't I? Yeah. So that was that fault. But I mean, I told you guys and then you kind of outed me on the air, didn't you? Yeah, that's life. Yeah, that's life.

That's life. Welcome. Everything's content. If I pissed myself in a mall in my car, I wouldn't be telling the news. Yeah. I mean, people were apparently popping back into the mall and then getting food and coming back. Because there's no food for hours and whatnot. I've peed myself in the car before because I used to pee myself

all the time as a kid. And I remember pulling into the driveway. Like the driveway is here, the mailbox is here, and our neighbour was there and my mum stopped at the mailbox. I'm talking 10 metres from where the car would stop. And instead of just saying to my mum, oh, but I need to get into the house to pee, I was just like, while she caught up with the neighbour

and then kept catching up with the neighbour and then my mum was like, all right, Sandy, good on you. One of the windows went, drive, stop. And I was like, I peed myself. I peed all through the car. She was like, why don't you just say something? And I was like,

and when you pee in a car, it's a nightmare. Yeah, you've got to get everything cleaned. I've got leather seats for this very reason, just in case. Yeah, okay. Do you know what I mean? Yeah. Just in case. It's not a bougie statement.

It's just that I'm nervous. Somewhere it's going to run off the seat and paddle under it. Into the carpet. I came so close once. I was on a freeway and I was driving in LA. And there was nowhere to get off. I was like, I was looking for a fast food restaurant or something or a service station. Oh, right. Yeah. And I was like, yeah. So luckily or something or a service station. Oh, right, yeah.

And I was like, yeah, so luckily found something in the nick of time. Well, I've famously been behind Vaughan as he's pulled off on the side of the Western Auckland motorway and taken a wee-wee. Because the traffic was backed up. And I was like, in that same traffic jam, about to pee myself. Anyway, I think we should share these harrowing stories of the times that we have number ones'd ourselves. To what? Help this lady feel a little less alone?

To help this lady feel a little less alone. I mean, people, it's just the body. It's a bodily function. Sometimes we lose control of it and out it comes. I've definitely peed myself as an adult. I just can't think of when. That'll maybe come to me.

Have you ever tried to purposely wet your pants just for a bit of a laugh? What? But you can't. I remember being at a party. Like I can't tell my brain to do it. I'll be like, go, go, I dare you, I dare you. Even when you go for a wee in the sea,

it's hard, eh, initially. Oh, no, no, no. I shouldn't have done that. The minute my knees had that. Your ether touches the water and it's out. Partying. Same, same, same. I've been at a party once before where someone put on a nappy and was like, I'm going to see if I can pee.

Were they an actor? Yes. Because they were. Because we're just desperate for attention. Yeah, I know. But anyway, maybe you were caught in a traffic jam and you've peed yourself. I don't know if people are going to ring up and admit to this.

It's a safe space. Okay. It's a safe space. 0. It's a safe space. 0800DARLS.M, you can text in as well, 9696. Oh my God, booze buses, those party buses. Oh yeah. I've never been on one before for the very reason I'd be like, no, no, no, I need to have control over when I can pee.

They have toilets, right? No, they don't. They've got stripper poles, but they don't have toilets. Priorities. Yeah. 0800DARLS.M, M 9696 Let's lighten the load of this poor woman. When did you

number ones yourself? Play ZM's Fletchford and Ailey Play ZM Well, you know what? People are admitting

that they too have number ones themselves. After a woman admitted in the news that she waited so long trying to get out of a mall car park that she number one'd herself. She number one'd herself in the car.

But then you were just saying you were reading the news article and the partner was in the car. Yeah, someone messaged in saying they read the story and the partner was in the car and she said it was embarrassing the partner was beside her. Why did she just leave them? Exactly. Do they not know how to drive?

Wow, maybe not. It wasn't moving fast enough to be a problem. But then you could pull over and they could just stay to drive? Wow. Maybe not. It wasn't moving fast enough to be a problem. But then you could pull over and they could just stay in the car. Oh, my God. Just say to people behind you, hey, you can go around us if you want because I'm just going to go with you. Jessica, this happened to you. When did you number ones yourself?

It would have been a few months ago. I never travelled to Auckland and I needed to go. Lucky enough, I have the toddler in the back seat, so I discreetly used the nappy. Oh my god, wait. Did you like open it and like slip it

under yourself? Yep, I sure did. Oh my god. How much Jessica, Jessica. How much weight can a nappy hold? I mean a toddler's

bladder is smaller than a full grown adult's. Was there concern that the crystals would not absorb? I needed to go so that didn't cross my mind but I was fortunate enough that I needed to go, so that didn't cross my mind, but I was fortunate enough that it managed to hold it,

so that was good. Oh, my God, I love this. And this is your first time in Auckland. Did you not anticipate, like, crawling rush hour traffic? Yeah, I just timed it right. I'm not from up there, and I don't plan to go back in a hurry. It's put you off the big smoke. Good for you.

That's initiative, though. I love that. Martin, when did you number ones yourself Good for you. That's initiative, though. I love that. Martin, when did you number ones yourself? Oh, hey, good morning, guys. How you doing? Good morning. Thank you, Martin. Way while ago now, I'd finished work and it was raining pretty heavily.

I got home and my wife said to me, you need to clean the gutters out, not letting you inside till it's done. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. She's not capable of cleaning out the gutters? I wouldn't trust her with a hammer, to be honest. Right, right. I don't think you need a hammer to clean out the gutters.

You're doing it wrong. That's my point, exactly. So halfway through the job, I'm basically completely saturated anyway, and I was up the ladder, and I thought, you know what? Bugger it. And I stood there, took a little bit, but managed to get a warm leg and continue the job. You convinced yourself to do what you can. It's wild, man.

It's wild to be able to do it. I think I've peed myself when I've been wet before. That's wild. It's a really strange thought process to actually make yourself wet yourself. Yeah. Good on you, Martin. But you also, could you not have just

flopped it out and gone into the gutter? I honestly didn't even think that. That thought never crossed my mind. No, he's on a ladder. I'm going to assume you've got a penis. He's not on the roof

looking down. No, not on the roof. He's on a ladder. He's got to get down off the ladder. I'd just tinkle off the ladder. I would grab my schlong and I'd tip it to the side.

And tinkle off the ladder. And I'd, please spray it to the left or the right. Martin, thank you for being open and admitting that. We're talking about when you've accidentally number ones'd yourself after a mall disaster at the weekend

and a woman wet her pants in the car. And then she decided that wasn't embarrassing enough for her and her partner to know about it. She better tell the news outlets. Yeah. I mean, I'm sure she was trying to, I'm sure she was irate with the mall, right, and trying to say, like, look what happened.

But everyone was just like, why did you admit that? Well, yeah, I think a lot of the, also blame going on the Auckland transport for not having more green lights. Yeah. As well. So yeah, I don't know what's wrong. So we're talking about when you have number ones yourself.

Are we accepting number two stories? I don't know. No, that's a separate. That's another day. Save that for another day. Are we accepting number twos stories? I don't think we are. No, that's a separate. That's another day. Save that for another day. Someone was paid number twos hush money by their mother. What do you mean? Because they wouldn't let them get out of the car.

No, no, no. The mother. And then the daughter had to drive her home with the windows down gagging all the way. But she got paid hush money so she can't talk on the radio about it. I love that. Someone said, someone who's birthed three children recently tried to play

indoor netball with zero training or fitness prep and need I say more. Yeah. I mean, shout out to the mothers putting their body

on the line. Someone says, every time I bloody sneeze I piss myself. I'm like, well, man. During the coast to coast, I had to train myself to urinate in my pants before every river crossing.

Saves you stopping, I guess. Oh. And the chafing. The chafing. Our 100% clean, green New Zealand rivers. Oh, it's got wheeze in it. Wheeze is natural. Wheeze is the least of our problems,

our rivers and waterways. Yeah. And somebody said, I was on a date with a boy and I accidentally wet my pants. I had to pee very badly. So I popped into the warehouse, but the bathrooms were closed and I couldn't hold on and I wet myself. So while I was in there, I bought

a new pair of pants. The closest I could match to the pants that I was wearing when I wet my pants. Oh my God. Men don't notice. Ditched the wet pants, went back on the date

and the guy said, you've changed your pants. You were on a date with the one guy that would notice the change in pants. I would change my whole outfit Aaron wouldn't notice. Yeah.

He wouldn't know. Some other text messages in I peed myself in a mall I had been drinking cider Bad idea Then went shopping The mall didn't have toilets on every floor And I couldn't remember which floor they were on

Found them And only two There were only two toilets Both were in use And there was a line And I ran into the disabled toilets And fortunately it had a very very slow automatic door So as the door was closing

I let go And I wet my pants play ZM's Fletch Vaughn and Hayley Saturday we went to Paramore oh my god how good was

she's so great Hayley Williams is just incredible hey it's Paramore not Hayley Williams what about the band yeah they were real good too yeah they were good

I didn't know they had a Kiwi in their band yeah in their like touring band how does the fruit play the instrument because it's the three of them. Yeah.

Just shoves it in. Yeah, and then one of them is Kiwi on the... And then the travelling band that makes it bigger is made up of other people. Anyway, so before that, we were having some drinks at Fletcher's house and your friend who's been staying with you, Sam, told...

This is a wild revelation. An interesting story. We had a whole bunch of people over because not everybody got tickets to the show. Yes. So it ended up being quite a big, like, drinks. People had drinks with us and then off we went with Jared and his friend to the concert. And he was revealing how... So he is a homosexual

and he was revealing that once upon a time when he was on Tinder he was like, gay Tinder was really lame. And it was like really dry and there was like nothing really going on. He thought it would have been a subtropical, muggy

climate of Party Island. In Wellington everyone knows everyone, and he's like, I think there's 10 gays, and that's it. Yeah, yeah. There's got to be more. No, I think his words were- No, I could literally name them all. There's got to be more gays.

There's only 10 gays in Wellington, and he was like, God. So he came up with a way to find more gays. Yeah, which was go on straight Tinder, have his profile there with female as the gender so that you can be on straight Tinder, female looking for male. Yeah. But just have his photos, clearly a boy.

And he would be approached by so many more people on Tinder. So men that were like, I am straight. And they were swiping women. When the opportunity arise, they're like, yes. I'm also a little bit bad. But these were not guys that ever had their profile as bi. So guys wouldn't show up because they didn't

want to advertise it or be seen on there. We were like, what? And he had a far more successful time on straight Tinder than he did on gay Tinder. This is crazy. That's wild.

We were like, what? What do you mean? And like hooked up with guys too. Yeah. Guys would be like, yeah, I'm totally only into chicks. Oh, thank God. Yes. Swipe.

Let's hook up. It was wild. We were all just like, what? I was like, how many people are doing this? What a hack. Because he doesn't choose gender as a female to be like, I am a woman. He's clearly a man. Yeah.

But it's just when you do your Tinder profile, they don't vet your photos to be like, are you the gender you say you are? I can't think of any other species that would do this. Dolphins. Nah, they're pretty straight up. They're pretty straight up. They're pretty straight up. They're pretty straight up. They're pretty straight up. They're pretty straight up.

There must be, you know, it's like the equivalent of a cuckoo. A cuckoo bird will go into the nest of another bird while it's out off the eggs and it will chuck all those eggs out of the nest and lay its cuckoo eggs in there and then the babies will be born. Maybe this isn't the best analogy either. I'm just really confused. This has got me somewhat stumped for an analogy. I love a comparison.

I love a simile. I love even a metaphorical comparison and I don't know what to do. The gays are infiltrating straight Tinder and taking, ladies, your straight boyfriends and having a little bit of fun with them. Well, this is just going to add to the man drought now. This is not for women. Big man drought.

You've got to do what you've got to do to get what you want these days. This proves there is no man drought. There's man moisture, but it's been hogged by the gays. The gays are hogging the moisture. The gays are sponging up all the moisture.

Play. ZDM's Fletchvorn and Hayley. Well, my wife, Sade, mother of my... My wife. Yeah, there's got to be a way to say that without saying so too Borat. I cannot hear

the words my wife without thinking my wife. I feel like I want to explain it for the new listeners. In my mind, new listeners are joining the show

all the time and they're like, who's this guy? And that's Vaughn and he's got a wife and child and who's the other guy? He's Fletch.

What about him? Don't ask us. Don't tell. And Hayley, well, she's just an open book. But wide open, eh? Wide open book.

In fact, keeping some more secrets could, yeah. secrets could make you more of a sort of mysterious character. Alluring. There's no mystery there. There's no mystery. I literally would show it to you all. Yeah, please don't. Not at work. What do you want to know?

Straight to that jar. Write that down. Jot that down. Jot that down. Time. Timestamp. So on Friday, Sade took my eldest daughter Indy and her, these three other people in this,

I'm not 100% sure what was happening. Smelt like orienteering to me, but they promised me it wasn't nerdy. Okay. Right. It was like this competition in Auckland and they had to apply to get in it and they got the time,

so they got to like go and represent the school and they came fifth overall and they were running around with phones and solving puzzles at different places. It sounds like Pokemon Go. A little Pokemon, then they had to catch a couple of Pokemon along the way. Oh my God, so cool. Yeah, get the badge from the stone gym,

fight Brock for the rock gym badge and all manner of things. I don't know what you're saying. You said Pokemon, so you opened the door and I walked into the room. I didn't need to know exactly how it works. Yeah. Alright. That was a trap. Stop there. And then when they got home, I said, how did it go? And Indy said

it went really well. We came first and she told me a little bit about it and then she went on a long story about how she believes the grass may have given her some sort of allergic reaction and I was like... And I kind of churned out because she doesn't get that sensitive skin from me. My family are a family of pack of germs with leathery skin.

Hard. Yeah. Thick. Probably quite pale skin, but it's thick. There's no allergies here on the skin. Yeah, yeah. So, and then I said to Shade, how was it? And she's like

we're pretty good I am it turns out I'm the cool mum and I was like oh I always had her pegged as the hot mum

yeah she's definitely hot mum I think Sade's definitely gonna be hot mum so what made her the cool mum only when she goes only when Sade starts

hanging out with boys and the boys are like yeah sorry Indy hangs out with boys and then the boys will be like, your mum's a hot mum. Yeah, yeah. I didn't grow up with anybody.

We didn't have like a lesbian in our group. Oh, yeah. But I'm imagining that also getting on the your mum's a hot mum. Yeah, probably. That situation. It's a completely different scene now. I think Ursula Carlson wants to have sex with my mum.

She said that, didn't she? She has said that before. Yeah. She'd climb Pat's head like a tree. Well, you do have a hot mum. Yeah, yeah.

Was your mum hot mum or cool mum? I don't know. I don't know that she was either, I'm sorry to say. Yeah. I love my mother. God bless her.

She's my favourite. I don't think she was hot mum or cool mum. Yeah, right. My mum had Les Mills pump body, so she was probably hot mum and I didn't think she was hot mum or cool mum. Yeah, right. My mum had a Les Mills pump body, so she was probably hot mum and I didn't realise. But she wasn't cool mum. Like, you know, I had rules.

And you all went to an all-girls school. Yes. So maybe it wasn't as obvious. A co-ed school is always where you might hear that your mum's hot. Yeah. That was always fun. Rich mum dabbles in hot mum because she's got the money to get it all tucked up and down. Yeah, she's got the goods.

And then maybe also cool mum because she's got a bit of discretionary income. Because this is how Sade became cool mum. How? Yeah, I was going to say how. And she does this every time she takes the kids somewhere for a school thing. On the way home, she gets them ice creams. Oh, yeah. She's bribing them.

Yeah. She's buying their love. Yeah. That's cool though. Yeah. So she was cool mum because she stopped. And apparently, I didn't know this, but Andy told me later that there's this sort of competition

to get in our car. Because you get an ice cream. Because you're the cool car. Yeah, because we're the cool car. Because there'll be an ice cream. There's guaranteed to be in our stuff. That's cool for your kids, man. So yeah, it's kind of like people want to come in our car.

And then, so we've got a car that is, it can be a seven seater. There's two little seats in the back. It's not nice. It's horrible. Your knees are around your ears. Never volunteer to go in the back seat. Horrible.

They're only for kids. Tiny children. And so apparently the other day, these kids were like, oh, how many, who's going in Indy's car? And then someone said, doesn't your car have two seats in the back that fold up? Like trying to get more people in the car for more ice creams.

You guys are the cool family. Yeah, but you don't want to be shelling out seven ice creams. I know, it's madness. Especially, they're like $5 each. That's $5. Yeah. And then I said, oh, am I cool? Am I kind of like

the cool dad? No, you're the embarrassing dad. You're the one shouting at them out the windows and stuff. to the other kids because he's not

embarrassing them. Anyway, that was universally met with a no, I'm not. Yeah. I'm not buying these little shits

of ice creams. I gotta be cool before I buy them ice creams. You grumpy dad. I'm in charge here. I am the adult. Yeah, he's grumpy. You're grumpy dad. Very grumpy dad. I'm in charge here. I am the adult. Yeah, he's grumpy, man.

I'm very grumpy dad. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley. Fact of the day, day I'm only here for two, so you guys can choose to run with it or get rid of it or do whatever you want. I don't care. From Tuesday at 9am, I don't give a damn. He's got a couple of days off this week.

He's going on a boomer cruise. Boomer cruise, boomer cruise. He's going on a Disney boomer cruise. Hey a boomer cruise. Boomer cruise, boomer cruise. Going on a Disney boomer cruise. Yeah, boomer cruise. Have you bought the drinks package? Don't cruises usually have drinks packages? No, I don't think so.

Oh, I haven't seen it yet. I haven't seen the drinks package. I've got the app. I can't wait. Right, okay. I've got the app. Sounds like you need to get a drinks package. Yeah.

Oh, there'll definitely be a drinks package. Get the drinks package. You best to get the drinks package. Before you get on the ship, you get drinks package. You get to get a drinks package. Yeah. Oh, there'll definitely be a drinks package. Get the drinks package. You best to get the drinks package. Before you get on the ship, you get drinks package. You get to get the drinks package. Pre-pay for the drinks package. Get the drinks package. Get the drinks package to get on board. So fact of the day for the next couple of days,

and then completely up to you what happens is- Oh, we might go rogue. We might go rogue. Poop fact of the week. Oh, we're not doing, no, we're not running with that. I just find it fascinating, and this question was asked to me and I was like, I don't know. Why poo is brown? Yeah, why is it brown?

Because it shouldn't be like. Because all the colours mix together. If you get a paint and you mix them all together. It's brown. It's always brown. Okay. But do you eat enough of every colour for it to be a brown? How do you criticise my diet and say that it's completely beige?

It's a beige diet. I feel like you should also give us, source three facts of the day for us to use on Wednesday, Thursday, Friday. It's the least he could do. Yeah. It's actually the least he could do. I might.

Oh. No, you won't. You won't. You won't. Not. I might not. Not. So the brown. Two Borat references in one hour. Not. I might not. So, the brown.

Two Borat references in one hour. Wow. Jeepers. I wasn't doing that as a Borat reference. I was doing that more as just a 90s reference. Yeah, I'll do that for you. Not. Yeah, what are you bloody.

You will do it. Oh, and Andrew gets you a couple of facts. Dot com. My God. You literally just asked yourself whether you're the cool dad or not. I am the cool dad. I can absolutely tell you. You are not.

I've got some real good references here. Hey, girls. Hope you had a good day. Nah. Nah. Your daughters will be like, oh, my God. You guys want an ice cream? Stop.

Nah. So poo's brown color is mostly due to bile, which lives in your tummy. Yeah. Because if you've ever been so sick, you're spewing, nothing's coming out, and there might be a little bit of bile involved. That's quite a dark, dark thing. And something else called bilirubin, which is a yellowish pigment that is made during the breakdown of red blood cells

that passes through the liver and into the waste system, and so that will color it brown. So you mix that with digested food, intestinal secretions, and bacteria. And the old red blood cells, I didn't know this. I don't know if you guys know this, but we're pooping out old red blood cells. So the body uses them to keep itself going. It's like, yeah, I'll have some of that. And the body's

producing red blood cells, and then it's using the red blood cells, and then it's like, well, I can't use these now. I've got to get rid of them. And they enter into the digestive system, and we poop out old red blood cells. I didn't know that. I didn't know that. So it's all to do with that. And it can be many shades of brown.

This article describes it as a rich dark chocolate brown. That's going to kill a chocolate cake. I hope no one's having a chocolate muffin for breakfast. To a light sandy brown. But then there are different colours and what does it mean and when should you be concerned Oh okay

Now I don't know about you but I've got a distinct memory as a child Of one day taking a very green poo Oh okay And it's because I had been eating grass Okay This explains a lot doesn't it Munching on grass Picking grass and just kind of chewing it

Like as a young kid and just chewing it And just having something to do while sitting there. But then cow's poos aren't, they're a little bit green, eh? Yes. Yeah, they're pretty green. But they're kind of still brown though.

Far more green than you think. Okay. Yeah, they're like a very dark green brown. Other things that can make it green, antibiotics. Will kill off the bacteria that turn your poo back.

You'll remember we were just talking about the bacteria and everything in the gut. Yes. That it passes through. It can kill it off to the point where it could make it a little bit greener. And then when you get off that medication, it should go back to brown.

If it doesn't, you should see a doctor. Wow. Some bacterial infections such as salmonella. Now, as a resident person who's had all... I've had camblobacter. You got one right and it lasted for a long time. You couldn't quite shake it properly. I think that was giardia. Was that giardia? Yeah.

So that can also affect it and make it green. And also Crohn's disease or celiac people may experience green depending on what they've been eating. Okay. Black is because you've got a vast amount of iron in your system. Licorice. And it says all eating black foods.

Apparently doctors, most people, most freak out ringing the doctor being like, oh my God, it's black. The doctor's first question is, have you been eating licorice? And they said, yes, I love that yucky, yucky treat. And the doctor's like, panic not. It's black grain.

Panic not. Red, obviously you've either been eating a lot of beetroot or you need to see a doctor as soon as possible. So today's fact of the day is the reason your poo is brown is because of a mix of bacteria, bile that's passing through your stomach, old red blood cells and millerubin. Fact of the day, day, day, day, day.

Someone does just want to point out blue vodka cruisers will also turn up green. Oh, God. Too many blue vodka cruisers. Well, that's on you. We're just having a funny debate about sexy songs because we were playing music the other night and then, you know, we were past it. Like, you be DJ for a bit, you be DJ for a bit. And our friend jumped on and was like playing a playlist.

We're like, what is this playlist? And he admitted it was a sexy playlist. His fun time playlist. The playlist he likes to put on when he's getting down making love. I don't have a playlist for that. Like, you just put on anything, right? You just put on something that suits the mood, right? Yeah, totally.

Totally. I prefer to do it in dead silence. Hauntingly silent. Yeah, including both of you, dead silence. Yeah. With the air conditioning on high, so you've got that... Sort of like a haunted wind blowing. Yeah, wow. And in the distance...

This is why they say you're romantic. Yeah. Yeah. I like to make love like I'm doing it in a haunted Victorian age manner. Sure. Hot stuff there, Vaughn-y. Anyway, I wanted to know if you listening have a playlist that you have just for sexy times. And ring us up and give us a couple of songs.

Give us a couple of tricks. I love this. We will create the ultimate Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley get down, mate, love. Oh, my God. Can you imagine putting on the Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley get down? This sounds like an iHeartRadio playlist if ever I've heard one. We could curate it. Seamless mention of sister company.

It's interesting because we got the ball rolling on Instagram and I would have thought songs would have been a bit more up, but a lot of people are going for some real slow jams. Well, may we throw under the bus one of our dear friends, Mr Matthew McLean of Breakfast, he even says breakfast. He said, untitled, how does it feel by D'Angelo? God, he's in no great hurry, is he? Jesus.

We have to talk about the tempo, Maddie. He must be a sensual lovemaker. One, two, three. One, two, three. One, two, three. It's slow, Maddie. Maddie, this is a real turn off. This is a real turn off. It's too slow.

It is slow as a wet week. Yeah. That's one. Oh, yeah, okay. We've got a few. Should we cook up a few? Yeah, go for it. To get us all hot and bothered.

The Hills by The Weeknd. Oh, see, this is nasty. I'm wearing leather. No. The voice, the minute the voice comes in Oh right That's a no from you Yeah the start was hot

Anything hosier Except sometimes I listen to the lyrics And get depressed Mid-shake Okay you don't want To get depressed No you can't

You don't want to Be getting depressed Mid-shake Is that message From Austin Powers Oh partitioned by Beyonce Is great Yes

Do you have a little Partitioned by Beyonce For my sampling No Yeah this is hot Look at my hips Beyonce's great. Yes. Do you have a little partition by Beyonce for my sampling? No. Yeah, this is hot. Look at my hips. I can't stop moving.

Well, you're saying no to all of these songs, but what are you listening to? Silence. I'm telling you. No, it wasn't even a joke. I don't want... You'll be more of like a real beats per minute kind of a... Yeah, yeah, yeah. We had a flatmate once that used to...

Like a bass hunter. You're a bass hunter kind of love maker. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Now, we had a flatmate once. Like a bass hunter. You're a bass hunter kind of lovemaker. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Put us in the trumpets. I'll get to the bit where I'm imagining you. It's coming. Here. And done.

Great tempo. He gets eight pumps in. And he's good. We had a flatmate that used to go and put on, and it was the same album. It was an Incubus album. It was the same album every time, and it would be the first three or four songs,

and then the CD would get turned off. Are you in? That was the album after that. That was the album after that. Yeah, I am. Okay, well, do you, I mean, first of all, do you have a sexy playlist that you put on for sexy times? Well, someone said Tyler Wooder. Now, that's a bit more of a, yeah you have a sexy playlist that you put on for sexy times? Someone said Tyler Wooder.

Now that's a bit more of a, yeah, a sexy number. Oh, $800. Maybe you're a classic Barry White, Stevie Wonder. You know what I mean? Are you going classic? Maybe you've got an odd choice. Or maybe you just put on Tom Jones or anything. Sax bomb, sax bomb.

You're my sax bomb. We discovered on the weekend that one of our friends has a sexy times playlist. We were able to enjoy some of it together while not making love. Just the music. Just the music. But it got us asking whether you have a sexy playlist and whether or not you would dare to share a couple of your chosen songs for us. My goodness. Debbie, you are going to share one of the songs from this playlist.

Oh, my favourite song is Chris Stapleton, Can't See Whiskey. It's a sexy song. Yeah, this is a great song, actually. Do you have a sample of that there, Bourne? This is how it's done. Oh, my God. You're not sure, Whiskey. Debbie and Maddie McLeain obviously have a very civil,

a love-making temper. Yeah, you guys would go together well. Real slow jams. I'm just going to get the well. I don't know if they would. I don't know if they would like different things. Oh, yeah. Have you heard Stan Walker's version, Debbie?

Sorry? Have you heard Stan Walker's version? I have, but no, sorry, no. I'll play it for you. You should. Oh, you said I have, but no, sorry, no. You should. I'll play it for you. You should. Oh, you said you have, but no, well, you haven't. No, I haven't.

No, I have heard it, but yeah, it's going to be crazy. It's a no. It's a no from Stan Walker. It's amazing. Listen to this one. Listen to this one. Listen to this one. You're a sweet little girl.

Yeah, he's good, man. I just got a little chill up my arm, and for some reason I've taken off my pants. It is a, yeah, it's a... Don't look under the desk, guys. It, he's in there. I just got a little chill up my arm, and for some reason I've taken off my pants. It is, yeah, it's a... Don't look under the desk, guys. It's a beautiful song. Okay, yeah, well, then you guys can see why that's on the playlist, Debbie.

But his is even slower. There's no tempo. Do you need a beat to march to? He needs a 120 BPM. Well, he's always in a hurry. You know, everything he does is at double speed. He walks in a hurry. He's got to get home

because there's chicken in the fridge. Yeah. Got some mints in the fridge, too. Keep your texts coming in. 9-6-9-6. home because there's chicken in the fridge. Got some mince in the fridge too. Keep your texts coming in. 9-6-9-6. Share with us your sexy songs from your sexy playlist. Now that's your tempo there, Fletch, isn't it? Yes, we are.

It's a bit fast. A bit fast. Well, what we're talking about right now is the songs on your sexy playlist. Because we discovered our friends went on the weekend. Some good bangers on it, so to speak. Bangers? Can I just give a shout out? There's been a few people who do prefer to make love in the absolute silence

of their own thoughts. Jesus. I need the silence plus my own self-diagnosed ADHD brain would get too distracted with the words. Yeah, right. Yeah, you can only focus on one thing at a time. You want a low sensory environment. Yeah, right. Yeah, yeah. You can only focus on one thing at a time. You want a low sensory environment. Yeah, somebody else said, if my partner put on music,

I'd shrivel up and die. Like, how awkward, because you're setting a stage. It's like there's a... No background, though. There's no background music. Oh, interesting. Too much. Okay.

Robert's on the phone. He's a bit scared. Fletcher's scared to go to Robert. We're not sure where this could go. Robert, good morning. Hey, how you doing? Good. So a friend of yours has a playlist.

He does. So this isn't you. And what's the occasion of the playlist? Yeah, well, my good friend Hayden, he... Oh, you just said the name. You said the name. It's a stitch-up. I told you it's a stitch up

He just wanted to get That's why I was like Wow I see these things coming I'm nearly in the morning to get one past old Fletchy My mate Hayden Stitch up Is a big virgin

Someone said Chris Isaac's Wicked Games no that's not love making music that's depressing isn't that Walk in the Rain music

Wicked Games yeah um Closer by Kings of Leon oh yeah Closer's good somebody else said

Wicked Games by Chris Isaac no I don't think I've ever listened to I will we'll see if it gives us any tingles you'll know it

it's just a real slow just see see if it gives us any tingles. You'll know it. It's just a real slow song. Just see if it's giving us any tingles. Okay, I'm hot for this. Yeah, this is sexy. This is it. This is like, this is, okay, I'm, you know. I've told her to prepare herself. Okay, let's see.

She's in the boudoir. I will be. And I say, hey. Yeah, this is see. She's in the boudoir. I will be. And I say, hey. Yeah, this is sexy. But this is it. God, he finds. This is it. This is like, this is, okay, I'm, you know.

I've told her to prepare herself. Okay, let's see. She's in the boudoir. I will be. And I say, hey, Siri, play me Chris Isaac's Wicked Game. And then you imagine the door. I'm walking all sultry like. Oh, my God.

Why are your hips moving like that? Why did you do that? What is that? the door. Oh, God. A 42-year-old move with this sort of fluid hip movement. Stop. Make it stop. Georgia Boots engaged Anne planning her wedding and she's calling it off. Oh, my God. What a time. Got this sort of movement in his head. I don't like it. It's so side to side. Would you want a bit of forward? No.

Go around. Oh, no. Please tell me you're getting this, Shannon. Yeah, good, because the internet needs to see this. Good Lord, help us all. Good Lord. Wait, you guys are killing my lovemaking. I can see your mound thrusting towards me.

Yeah, well, exactly. I don't know about that. I'm so excited to work again. Stop thrusting in it. Oh, my God. Guess what? I'm crawling on the end of the bed now. I'm putting my undies back on at this point.

No, I prefer you leave those on actually. I counted 79 all rights today, Fletcher, but that's a new personal record. Oh, f*** off. How many of those did you count?

79 of those too. Alright, well if you enjoyed today's podcast, give us a rate and review. Oh, f*** off. ZM's Fletch Vaughan and Hayley.