ZM's Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley - Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley's Big Pod - 20th November 2024

Episode Date: November 19, 2024

Flight booking hack Paul Mescal's Gladiator routine New social media app Top 6 Signs at the Hikoi ATMs Study horniest places SLP - Posting your breakup on social media David Attenborough AI Its beginning to look a lot like Christmas How grotty was the person you were dating? Shannon crying in public Movies/shows coming out Fact of the day Impossible phoner topic: were you banned from a funeralSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

For a few years, in the 1970s, the Mr Asia syndicate made millions. Heroin creates its own market. It acts like a form of play. Until jealousy, betrayal and murder brought it all crashing down. Then he just pulled out a gun, shot her in the back of the head, and then said to Wayne, you're going to help me bury her. This is Mr Asia, A Forgotten History. All episodes now available on iHeartRadio, Apple, Spotify or wherever you get your podcasts.

The ZM Podcast Network. The Fletchvorn and Hayley Big Pod. Great Things Are Brewing at McCafe. The perfect start to every day. Play ZM's Fletch Vaughan and Hayley. Thanks, Bryn. Good morning. Welcome to the show, Fletch Vaughan and Hayley. It's two minutes past six.

TGIF, guys. TGIF. Not there yet. Not there yet. Thank God. It's Friends Day. Happy Friends Day. Thanks. Oh, boy.

I'm glad to be here. That's a day? That's a day. That's a day. Thanks. Boy, I'm glad to be here. That's a day. That's a day. Okay. Yep. Vaughan, coming up in the top six. Actual signs from the Hickoy as it hit Wellington. Guys, have you seen the drone shots? What an amazing turnout.

What an impressive turnout. So incredible. And the signs. So good. So many good signs. Great signs. I really appreciate whenever there's a protest. Even if it's a protest I don't agree with.

If somebody goes all out and makes a clever sign, I'm like, that is good. A punny sign? Yes. My favourite. Yeah, there were some good signs. One of my favourites was just, oh, no, don't do that. Oh, the Jerry Brownlee. Jerry Brownlee.

Oh, don't do that. Oh, no, don't do that. Oh, don't do that. Don't do that. It's coming up in the top six. Next on the show, though, some guy reckons he's got a travel hack to avoid the middle seat. The worst seat.

I don't know if this would work in New Zealand on, like, our different flight websites. Yeah, is this like an international when you're doing lots of connecting flights? We'll give it a go. A guy's gone viral for a travel hack to avoid the middle seat.

There are so many of these little travel hacks. In fact, I saw a story the other day. A couple had booked the window and the aisle seat, hoping that no one would be in the middle. And then someone was in the middle and had to sit between a couple talking the entire flight.

So you've ruined not only your own flight, but their flight as well. Yeah, just... Well, this guy has used this hack on Ryanair in the UK. Which is like a very cheap connecting, oh it's so good. Take you from the UK to Spain and France. Like five euro.

I know. But you can't take a bag otherwise that's $400. You can't take a bag and you can't wear clothes and you can't wear shoes and you can't do this and you can't do that. You've got to stand in the back in the toilet. And also like, that was their CEO that joked about charging for the toilet. Well not even joked. Did you see the interview with him though when he was being interviewed, he was like,

were you serious about it? And he said, yes, here's why. Because it was all about taking away the cost from the customer at the end of the day. Right. It's charity. He's a really good guy. How did he bullshit spin that?

Pretty good, eh? Yeah. So, you know, they're very, I don't think you even have to pay to print out your boarding pass if you don't have it on an app. It's ridiculous. You pay for everything.

Yeah. So this guy goes to book a flight and there are only middle seats left. It's giving him like nine or so middle seats. Everything else is blocked out. So his hack was to then just leave that tab open, his flight open, and then go back to the website and book. I think he tried to book eight seats. So he chooses eight seats. Yeah.

Name any letters like Bob Jones, blah, blah, blah. Yeah. Goes to the next screen and then selects all middle seats for these flights that he has no intention of buying. Yeah. And then goes to the next screen to pay. The website holds the seats for 10 minutes until you pay. So then you go back to your original tab.

You go back to your original booking and oh, there are no middle seats because they're on hold for another customer. This is really good. And it opens up for him a window seat that he doesn't have to pay for. You could. Why was the window seat not available to him in the first place? I think because you have to pay. You'd have to pay for. You could. Why was the window seat not available to him in the first place? I think because you'd have to pay. You'd have to pay extra. Oh, but as soon as the others are taken.

Yes. Next guest available. I would imagine this only works for a flight that's like not like eight months away that no one's booked. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because you couldn't do that for the entire plane load of middle seats. It kind of makes sense though. You just get a whole bunch of tabs open,

reserve all the middles, and then all that's left would be the goodies. I reckon a lot of airlines would just say, we'll assign you a seat at checkout. There's nothing now. Because I've had that before, and then you have to wait until that 24 hours before or on the day.

Then you're crammed in the mid. And then they open up the seats that they'd normally charge for. So I don't know if that would always work. But, hey, it's a hack that's worked for him. In theory, I think it makes a lot of sense. It's a lot of admin, though, to be like, I have to have a plane's worth of tabs open. Yeah.

36 rows of tabs. But could you just book multiple seats? Could you be like, yeah, this is a booking for 12 adults? Yeah. 36 rows of tabs. But could you just book multiple seats? Could you be like, yeah, this is a booking for 12 adults? Yeah. Middle, middle, middle, middle, middle, middle, middle. Yeah. Next. Yeah.

I mean, that's basically what he did. Yeah. Genius. Basically, yeah. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley. Long, long tease, but after 8 o'clock, we're going to talk about all of the amazing movies that are coming out soon.

Because I often do this for some reason. I go on YouTube and I go on a trailer bit. Yeah, I love doing that. I love doing that. And it happened to me yesterday. Just one suggestion on the right and I watched it. And then it just does more and more and more about all these amazing films that are coming out in the next six months. Always happens end of the year because America's going into winter.

And that's when we get all the good films. And thingy season. Oscar season. And also I feel the writers strike. There's this big backlog of amazing movies and TV shows coming. I cannot wait to discuss the Pamela Anderson film, The Last Showgirl. Anyway, so you said it was released late last week. Friday last week, Gladiator 2.

Long awaited. It's got... Everybody. Paul Mescal. Denzel Washington. Denzel Washington. Pedro Pascal. That guy that played Eddie on Stranger Things.

The Eddie guy from Stranger Things. The Eddie guy from Stranger Things. But Paul Mescal, who we will know from Normal People. Normal People? Yes. He's like the lead, right? Do you want gladiator music? Oh, my God, yes.

Love gladiator music. Hans Zimmer didn't sit down for hours on end to put the song together for us not to play it at every given gladiatorial chance. If you wrote a film, you'd call up Hans. I don't think he'd come cheap, though. Nah. No. John Williams, that's another film composer.

Is it? The old boy who did, like, Star Wars and all the Indiana Jones and just basically everything. But Hans did Interstellar, right? Yeah. Hans does the Nolan films. Oh, my God. I remember this song. Don't sing along, Hayley Yeah. Hans does the Nolan films. Oh, my God. I remember this song.

Don't sing along, Hayley. You don't know the words. This is the end of Gladiator. Right. Okay. Have you got some more action, like getting eaten by a lion? Yeah, where's the Gladiator theme? Like a slave getting eaten by a lion or something?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. That would be kind of more action-y. This is by far the most played song from the Gladiator soundtrack. Nah, that's not the one I'm thinking of. It's two and a half times the amount of... No, I want to hear a lion ripping apart some limbs. A barbarian horde? Yes.

Well, see, that's ominous. It's ominous. That's so ominous. Yeah, good. Yeah, great. That's it. That's it. So, if you look at Paul Meskell

In this film right You've seen the The clips and what not What are you doing Go back to the Too much pan flute dude I was trying to find a good one This is called The Wheat

No go back to the other one That was better What about one called Strength and Honour Skip ahead You need the actual thing Yeah I know I need the hook

You messed it up That last one was I think that was perfect Yeah I know. I need the hook. You messed it up. That last one was perfect. I think that was perfect. Yeah, I know. You've stuffed it, actually. Those ones, the barbarian ones, no one knows them. They're not played.

I'm going back to the Now We Are Free, the most popular one. No. At the end when he's dead. Spoiler alert. Oh, my God. Have some respect. Not the new one. Some people may not have seen it yet, Vaughn.

Yeah, and they may be watching it ahead of going to see this one. Anyway, Paul Mescal's the lead in this film, and he's been doing the rounds, you know, the promotional circuit. And of course he's been asked about his physicality, because it's like part of it. He's got to be a gladiator, a fighter. And he said, do you want to know the secret to his incredible physique? Genetics.

Dude, genetics. Being Irish. He literally said it's genetics. Oh, really? Yeah. I was just being smart. No, no, genetics. Because he said that his quote was that he doesn't generally believe when actors say they're in the gym for three hours and eating 9,000 calories a day

to prepare for a meal, to prepare for a roll. He did they're in the gym for three hours and eating 9,000 calories a day to prepare for a meal, to prepare for a role, he did 45 minutes in the gym a day. Son of a bitch. And then he said, I've got to say, he said, one, I come from a sports background, like he played sports all through college and whatnot. And he said, and it's good genetics.

Yeah, genetics. How old is he? Yeah, and he's in his 20s. He's 28. Oh, okay. Well, let's talk to him when he's in his 20s He's 28 Oh, okay Well, let's talk to him when he's Okay, sweetie When he's late 30s Wait for that to slow down And everything's slowing down

Yeah He said He's not saying that the 45 minutes he spent in the gym was easy He said he's just lucky genetically How many of those minutes was he sitting on the machine on his phone? Just a quick question Half of them. Well, it's got to be half.

Yeah, it's got to be half. You've got to have like 45 seconds between sets, right? Like 35. Sometimes one and a half minutes. Sometimes four minutes between sets. Sometimes to let the muscle, here's what you don't know. Sometimes to let the muscle grow. Actually, it's just 30 seconds on the exercise, five minutes off.

Yep. And just use that time for TikTok and Instagram. Reels and whatnot. Yeah, whatever you need. And if someone sort of hovers around you being like, are you done in that machine? Then you just quickly pump out a couple more reps. And then hop off.

Back to the phone. Yeah, yeah. 45 minutes a day. Play. ZM. Fletchvorn and Hayley. New social media alert. New but old.

Because it's just a re-skinned Twitter, basically. Right. It's called Blue Sky, BSky.app. I've heard so many people talking about this. Well, more news stories I've been reading, to be honest. Yeah, they just shared, they themselves shared on their own feed, the blue sky, that they just passed 20 million users.

And it just looks like Twitter did a little while ago. Before, pre-Elon Musk. Oh, it straight up looks like Twitter. Yeah. So apparently because obviously Elon Musk bought Twitter and then he fired heaps of people. Yeah, turned it into X.

Turned it into X and basically amplified the right wing. And, you know, I mean, he's absolutely. Trash. He's. I haven't. Is it X.com? Is that what it is?

Because I feel like I just entered that and now I don't want to go. Yes. Okay. It is X.com. Yeah. Woohoo. We deleted it. I deleted it ages ago.

X. Yeah. Yeah. I deleted Twitter ages ago. Yeah. I deleted Twitter ages ago. Yeah, I never used Twitter. It was even before Elon Musk. It was just like, eh. I think I tweeted 10 times in 10 years and then was like, no.

Well, now with Elon Musk, I guess, running the show and the election that's just happened, people are like, I think we just need a place that's not full of all of this. So blue sky is it? So yeah. It'll get in there though. It gets in everywhere. It's like glitter. You think it's gone, or you think you're somewhere without

glitter, and then you pull back a lounge cushion, and there was glitter there all along. Conspiracy theories. Glitter. Just conspiracy glitter. And beanbag glitter. And beanbag balls. Beanbag balls. You think you've got all of those too and there's always a couple. One beanbag explodes and for life

you'll be finding the beanbag balls. They're so light. That's why they travel. They travel everywhere. Is this going to meet the same fate as Threads which straight up sucked? Oh my god. I was trying to think of other social media places

that launched and failed. Isn't it insane how threads went from zero to a thousand in like a day? Do you remember the panic? Quickly, get your thread's name. I was like, wait, wait, wait. And then you couldn't delete it. And now you can without deleting your Instagram.

Couldn't delete Instagram. So we all had to have it because we love Instagram. But people are still using that. I'm just looking at it though and I mean I'm not logged in but it straight up sucks. It's so uninteresting. So you think Blue Sky

or Threads? Oh, Blue Sky just literally looks like Twitter. Used to. Yeah. Yeah, because one popped up the other day. I was going through that list

on your phones of where you've got saved passwords for. Oh, yeah. And there was one in there and I was like through that list on your phones of where you've got saved passwords for. Oh, yeah. And there was one in there and I was like, oh, my God. Did you have some breaches? Oh, lots of breaches. Oh, man, I'm breached up to the wazoo.

That's actually quite a good feature, eh? The whole... Yeah, and it tells you. Yeah, it tells you what passwords... You might not do anything about it. You've been spotted on three breaches, you know. It's often just a good reminder to shut that account down. Or, yeah, or to change your password.

Yeah. Totally. Here's some hot takes from Blue Sky. Okay. Someone, well, what would you say? Someone Blue Sky'd, when you say someone tweeted? Oh, yeah. Someone X'd.

Someone tweeted, someone Blue Sky'd. Someone Blue Sky'd. Because that's what Blue Sky thinking, right? Is that why it's? I think so. Blue Sky is a positive. Okay. SomeoneBlueSkyde. Because that's what BlueSkyde's thinking, right? Is that why it's... I think so. BlueSkyde is a positive. Okay, SomeoneBlueSkyde, forgetting your headphones at home

is the modern equivalent of leaving your sword behind in medieval times. I don't think it is. SomeoneBlueSkyde, what did the poet tell Luke Skywalker? What? What did the... Okay, I'm into BlueSkyde.

What did the poet tell Luke Skywalker? Don't know. Metaphors be with you. Metaphors. Okay, I'm into blue sky. What did the poet tell Luke Skywalker? Did I? Metaphors be with you. Metaphors, I don't like it. I really thought you would like that. Wait, is it all just nonsense like that, or is it actual news? Somebody said that blue sky actually blocks bigots and racists, though.

Oh, did they? Okay, right. They were actively patrolling to get rid of it. What it decides to be bigots and racists? I guess. Do you know what I mean? Who's running it? Somebody said, Fletch, you called Elon Musk trash.

That makes you sound like trash. We should all be neutral. Switzerland's are not entitled to an opinion. Oh, yeah. But he is. We agree. I agree. You've absolutely confused us with people who read the news.

We're allowed opinions. And if you say stay out of politics, that's weird because we're humans and humans are basically politics. Yeah, I've seen this before. He's done some incredible things. But he's a terrible human being. Oh, as a human. As a human being, he is a terrible human being. Doesn't he? I just saw an interview the other day

where his they were talking about dead names and his son is trans or something and I don't know if it was like born a son or a daughter or something but he

started talking about his own child in the most terrible way of being like oh yeah because they were woke brained into thinking and I was like oh my god you really are that. So we stand by our statement here at FVA to hear his trash. Play ZM's Fletchbourne and Hayley. Play ZM's Fletchbourne and Hayley.

Blah, blah, blah. Blah, blah, blah, blah. This is the top six. Yesterday, the Hikoi reached Parliament. Yeah. Reached somebody. Because, you know, if you don't have a good point to raise, you'll just kind of swing for the fences.

I saw someone say, there's no way they walked all that distance in that time. Oh, for God's sake. That's not what it's about. That's just... Oh, God, that'd be tough. Where'd they stay? Where'd they all stay?

Yeah, there's no way they walked all that distance in that short a time. When did they leave up north? No bloody way. You just couldn't do it walking at that speed. Oh, for God's sake. I don't think they walked. I mean, there was stops. Nah, not really.

One of my favourite things was when, as it was approaching Parliament, they'd obviously been, like, singing and chanting and harkering the whole time. That's the official term. It is. And you know, like, it's like the, it had sort of been lost. The timing had been lost as it went down. Oh yeah. You know what I mean?

So it was sort of like spreading. Like if you've been part of a protest and you're hearing the chant, you're like, I think so. I think I've got it. And then the back group's like, Leighton. Everybody's got to be pretty close to get the chant going, otherwise it's going to be all out of whack. I love how viral it's gone too, like all around the world.

Like the tearing up in Parliament and the hunkering in Parliament. Did you see as well, like quite a lot of celebrities, including my boyfriend, Jason Momoa, were all kind of getting behind signing the petition and whatnot. A lot of the celebrities that have spent time in New Zealand have gone like... I saw yesterday the petition had exactly the same amount of votes that ACT got to get into Parliament.

Interesting. Interesting. Really? Interesting. Well, I've got the top six signs from the Hikoi. Actual signs, spotted. Yeah, these are good signs. Some good signs. They were some great signs. I love a good sign at a Hikoi. Love a good sign. Se good signs. There were some great signs. I love a good sign at a hikoi. Love a good sign.

Seed these nuts is an honourable mention. That was an actual sign. Yeah. Great. Seed these nuts. A few people had that. I didn't know these nuts had made it into the political spectrum. These nuts is global.

Yeah. I didn't know it had it in politics, but here we are. 26 times from the Hekua, number six, the young lady holding the sign that said,

are mana like Hana? This, of course, references Hana Rafiti who started the haka, who I saw yesterday say, I don't, didn't even think I was supposed to be leading that.

I just thought, it's happening. And then everybody was kind of like following my lead and I went, well, go with it. I love that afterwards she was like saying to Rawiri was like, why do I have to start it?

Yeah. Oh, my God. Can you thank the guest that came in and spoke to the classroom? Why? You do it. You do it. You're older. You're the teacher.

Number five on the list of the top six signs are from the Hekoi. Shout out to everybody who made phallic themed signs. Yeah. Kill the ball sack bill. There was a few with David Seymour as a penis. Yep. And Winston Peters and Christopher Luxon as testicles. Yeah. There was one where Christopher

Luxon was an egg, but it did look like the head of a penis. And there was another one where he was just straight up the head of a penis. Okay. Damn right. That's a lot of phalluses. That's just a category of signs. Yeah. I don't know how Photoshop works, but I know if you dragged it in, you'd really have to like, you know, match there. Yeah. So kudos.

Kudos. That looked great. Number four on the list of the top six signs from the Hikoi are be more demure, see more. Oh, yeah. Good. I think that they were hoping in their head that probably rhymed when they wrote it down. Be more demure, see more. Yeah. It's a little different, isn't it?

Yeah, a little bit different. Be more demure, see more. Be more demure, see more. Yeah. But we get it. It's good. It's close enough. It's great.

It's topical. It's funny. It's really ruining. We were supposed to be going to our brat summer. Yeah. Because the Northern Hemisphere had their brat summer. I feel like he's really poo-pooing on our Brat Summer. Number three on the list of the top six signs from the Hikoi.

It's a classic. I've seen it before in other protests. Can't be Kiwi without the Iwi. Oh, I like that. Yeah. It's good. You know, it's like there's no I in time. Except there's two, an Iwi and Kiwi.

Yeah. That's right. I know what letters are. Number two on the list of the top six signs from the Hikoi, see more, say less. Yes, I saw this one. Yeah, good. Act, truly stop.

But act and stop were in red and truly was in black. Interesting. So click the signs. See more, say less. And number one on the list, I would say probably the most controversial sign, but it was softened because it had like laugh emojis on the sign. Yeah. Let's just eat them again is the number one on the list, I would say probably the most controversial sign, but it was softened because it had like laugh emojis on the sign.

Yeah. Let's just eat them again is the number one sign. Far out. That's so good. Let's just eat them again. But then, ha ha ha,

like a laughing emoji. And then there was the Schitt's Creek sign as well. Yeah. Ew, David. Yeah. Ew, David. And it had a, yeah, a picture of Moira, stencil of Moira.

I was like, that was good too. That's so good. Honorary mention. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Great signs. And just some big, big, beautiful banners. Lots of flags there too. Lots of different nations' flags, Samoan flags, Tongan flags.

Try and say it. What flag was the predominant one? There's always one more than you think it is. Tino Ranga Tira Tanga. That was exactly what Vorma's going to say. One more time. Tino

Ranga Tira Tanga. There's always one little extra part. I struggle with going in from the Tino to the Tino Taringa. Can you say Taupo without struggling? No, I slow down. I slow down because you freak out. Taupo is my speed bump.

If I'm speaking too slowly, I've got to slow down. Otherwise, it'll take the front bumper off my lowered Nissan Skyline. That is today's top six. We absolutely love this. Every year, at our toy megastastore do a rapt of sorts. This is a great time of year, actually, because lots of companies do this. Yep, it's that time of the year.

Yeah, looking back on the year, who bought what and from where. I didn't know Adult Toy Megastore had a YouTube presence. Yes, they do. They very much do. What, like a how-to? Yes, yes. Yeah, and like product. They very much do. What, like a how-to? Yes, yes. Yeah, and like product. Top five best something, something for beginners, for example.

Oh, okay, right. Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. Tips and tools of the trade. Their video is like, yeah, we're about to hear the regions and the toys. Yes. But there's a video of them and they go through each of the top ten. Right. So you can see them visually.

Okay. We'll allow the listener to. Do that on allow the listener to do that on their own time. I'm actually surprised that the work Wi-Fi let you on there. Well, it's YouTube, isn't it? They don't know. So they collect all of their data from the year of sales

including what was bought and I've already been told I can't say the 10th position, the 10th top toy sold. It's got a hell of a name on it. It really does. It's got a hell of a name on it. Are you talking about the AFA GCP?

That's right, the AFA GCP. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And that's as much as we'll say on that one. Yeah, that's right. But what I will say is that the number one, because I can't really say any of these, in the MCP and the PGP. Surely it's a Satisfyer.

You could say the Luciant Rippled Glass Massager. Yes, I could say that. What number was that on the list? Four. That was number four. Okay. But number one is Satisfyer. You could say the Medium Curved Plug at number six.

Yeah, well, some drains have a curve in them. Yeah. Number one was the Satisfyer Pro 2 Generation 2. How much money has that made since it was released? That would be- So much. Billions and billions of dollars. Satisfyer is the brand, right?

Yes. Yeah. Because this is the Pro 2 Generation 2 by Satisfyer. Yeah. Do you think that the Pro 2, like the Satisfyer Pro 2, became so synonymous with a good time that they didn't want to go Pro 3? So they made Generation 2 of the Pro 2? No, I've got the 3.

You've got a Satisfyer Pro 3? Yeah. Well, congratulations to you, ma'am. Thank you. I've never even heard of it. 3? Yeah. Well, congratulations to you, ma'am. Thank you. I've never even heard of it. Yeah, the three comes with an app. So I could go away and your person could have the app

and you could hang out together. Right. But that sounds like a different experience. But it also does the other way. Also does it your own way. Anyway, so that's the number one. In New Zealand, that's the fun toy that we purchased the most. Now, here's the top five.

If you don't mind me asking, why do you believe that is? Is it because it's not? Because it's incredible. It's incredible and it's also like if you break it, you're going to get another one, right? Yeah. It's won over 470 design awards. Could you imagine going up?

It is a good design. Could you imagine going up on stage to get one of those awards? You're just like, thank you. It's very sleek and well-shamed. You would say thank you and then someone would scream through an audience, no, thank you. Over and over again. Yeah. So they have done the top five cities by product purchase.

Like who's buying the most? And do you know what they've done? And we love this here on FVH, per capita. Yes, good. Thank you. Yes, because in the past it's like Auckland or Crash. You're like, yes, we're the most people. Auckland always wins because it's the most people.

Okay, per capita. In fifth place, Dunedin. The students are getting freaky and they're getting frosty. And they're trying to keep warm. And it's cold as well. Yeah, exactly. Course-related costs. I wonder if adult toy Megasaur

sees an increase in January when course-related costs are available. Number four is Hamilton. Okay. Another sort of student town. Student towns for the young people. University and a massive polytech there. And third place,

it's beautiful Napier. Interesting. Yeah. Now, the top two places, I'm going to both of these. I'm going to the second on Friday and the first place on Saturday. New Plymouth is second. New Plymouth.

Beaten only by Palmerston North. Palmerston North. Palmerston North. Palmerston North is number one. Per capita, buying the most adult fun toys from this website only. Yeah. But they say

they love this. Are these our top five most boring cities as well? No. Napier, we're going to the aquarium. Oh, no, Napier is lovely. Oh, yes, it's lovely. Go to the beach.

But I'm just saying if you're a local and you've already been to the Stoney Beach. Yeah. And the aquarium. And the Gannet Colony. Yeah. You might as well head home and get the Satisfyer Pro 2 out. Yeah, why not? Because your doctor said you've got to watch your drinking,

so you can't be hanging out at the Vimers the entire time. You can't be just reaching for the fridge, yeah. I'm just wondering if there's some sort of correlation there. Yeah, I don't know. Who knows? Anyway, good for you, Palmerston North. Very sex positive. I'm surprised not to see Queenstown on the list there.

Why? No. Rich, bored, people that moved from a big city to a small regional place. But maybe older. Yeah, true. Slightly older and then maybe they're still just doing hands. Hands and those old ones that plugged in at the wall. Yeah, I know.

They're tethered to the bloody power point. Because you know boomers don't like to get rid of anything. No, no. The crock pot. My original one is perfectly good. Yeah, my Yamaha wand that plugs in at the wall. She works perfectly fine. It was quality.

It cost me a fortune in 1984 and it still works fantastically. Play ZM's Fletchborn and Hayley. Play ZM's Fletchborn and Hayley. Fletchborn and Hayley. Silly little pose. Silly little pose. It is so silly, silly, silly that the silly little pose. Silly little pose. Silly Little Pole sharing your breakup on social media. Is it a yes or a no?

Do you know, like, back in the day, you'd just end it on Facebook and everyone would be notified? Yeah. Unless then you turned it off. It's no longer in a relationship. Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes and everyone would be notified. Yeah. Unless then you turn it off. It's no longer in a relationship. Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. Yep. It's single.

Yeah. Oh, God. I don't know. I don't like, I'm not into it. I just sort of think, what's, it's your business,

just move on. Everybody knows as well, right? Well, everyone's gossiping. Yeah, when the guy changes his profile picture to just a picture of him, and she starts posting some hotter pictures, and then he's posting lots of pictures of the kids.

And then one of them gets way hotter. Yeah. And loses heaps of weight. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Something like that. And one of them absolutely blows out. And everybody's speculating. It's a good way of kind of like Facebook just telling all of your friends at once.

Yeah. I can imagine being like, hey, you're probably already all talking about this, but just to make it official, this has happened. It's all good, blah, blah, blah, if it's amicable. Yeah, and then you're not going to get those questions like, oh, how's blah, blah, blah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, we broke up two years ago.

Oh, my God, I'm so sorry. Yeah, it's okay. Yeah. Only 6% of people agree with me, though. Okay. People who voted yes, 6%, 94% of people agree with me, though. Okay. People who voted yes, 6%. 94% of people said no. I thought it would have been more like 30, 40%.

Yeah. Yeah, totally. Because then you're telling everybody and it's done. I get the convenience of it, but part of me is just like, it's none of your business. Yeah, true. So, Tanya, our first responder. G'day, Tans.

Definitely not. Everyone has already nosy AF, but also I like it when others share that they've broken up. Really? Because I like going fishing.

Yeah, doing some investigation. Going through Instagram and being like, when did he stop posting about her? Oh my God, they're all gone. She's deleted all of the photos they had together. Oh my God.

Goodness me. One of my friends' exes posted a five-minute video on Facebook to why they broke up. Like ugly crying the whole video. No, don't do that. That was five to six years ago and I'm pretty sure that video is still up. Oh, delete.

No, no, no. Send us the link. Send us the link. Please send us that video. I want to watch it so bad. It should be Lord of Shea, says Shay. I need the tea. Oh, yeah.

See, okay, see, people are thinking more of the gossip side of things. Tasha said, if you tell everybody, you know, it takes the fun away from the Facebook detectives who love to figure these sorts of things out for themselves. Exactly. And then Tasha, who sent this, follows it up with a ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. Too many ha's. Too many

ha's. She sounds psychotic at this stage. Yeah. Maniacal. Maniacal Facebook detectives. Mark said the ones that do share it are often just attention seekers. Yeah, okay. Whereas people who don't share it, you do the thing where you ask them how their

partner is and they say they're broken up and you're like, Yeah, then it's awkward. I clicked no, but it's gutting when people don't and you have to stalk everywhere to try to find hints and crumbs of what happened. If you're not close enough to message and ask straight up. Oh, it is fun doing the investigation. Yeah, I do. I love it.

A bit of investigation. I think the people who use their relationship as part of their brand should disclose their separation, then you get speculation. Yeah. That's actually great. It's part of their brand. Like they influence a couple on Instagram. Yeah. Yeah.

Or if they're just that person that they see someone eating a sandwich and they're like, oh, my God, do you know who Love Salmon is? That person. Yeah. Who's always talking about their partner. They need to let everybody know. Yeah. They probably would though, eh?

Like me, eh? All I do is talk about my partner. Jason, my ma, oh. You're my partner. Oh, you're your imaginary partner? Yeah, my partner. Okay. Too many ha's?

Yeah. Tiana's taken some shots from the Gen Z seats. Okay. She said this whole thing has super millennial boomer energy. Okay, well, let me ask Gen Z. Shannon, what do you advise people to do with a breakup? Not tell anyone. No, I think it's so, like, boomers, please keep it going.

It's so funny to watch. And I think you're right, Vaughn. Like, it just gets it all done in one go. But personally, I would never do that. No. Yeah. Like, I like to watch. Same.

Band-aids, right? They're getting ripped off. Yeah. Okay. If we have to sit through soppy anniversary posts, we should also be entitled to He Slept With My Bestie posts. Yes.

You've included us in everything else, right? Yeah. Why ditch us at the last one? Yeah. Why are you leaving us out? Yeah. Megan said you don't need to post that you've broken up. Just start posting thirst traps and inspirational quotes and people will totally get it. You at the gym and you

in a bikini. We've understood. We know what's happening here. Oh, and all the photos with your ex have disappeared. Yeah, yeah. Love a quiet night in on my own, you know? Yes. That kind of thing. Just me and the cat. Yeah. It's a nice quiet time for reflection. Hands up. Shout out to all the independent women out there

doing it for themselves. Yeah. We've understood. You don't want to post that though because then someone from high school is going to come at you with a multi-level marketing scheme. Yes.

They'll say, there's a boss babe in the making. Boy, do I have a skin smoothie for you. Yeah, get a fizz stick up. Yeah, that is today's, that's not what I meant. That is today's silly little poll. 14 past seven.

Next on the show, I'm going to tell you why David Attenborough is not happy. I don't like making David Attenborough upset. It's not because you're polluting the atmosphere in the world. Don't point at me. I washed my tin.

Play ZM's Fletch Vaughan and Hayley. David Attenborough, 98 years old. Legend. He's like Betty White, right? Or Dick Van Dyke, one of these old celebrities that like, you know it's going to happen? And the Queen.

And the Queen, you know it's going to happen? And it happened. And it happened. Betty White died. Betty White died just before she turned 100? She did. Well, he's not dead. And he won't die. Well, Hayley, we've got news for you. No, he won't die.

No, he won't die. Everybody dies. No, he won't die. Well, he's 98. He's not dead, but he is pissed. And it's not because the planet is being ruined by us human beings. The last few documentaries, at the end, he's like, please. Like, down the barrel, he's been like, please.

If we don't do something now, please listen to me. And we're like, shh, I want a plastic bottle. A BBC news segment on Sunday featured an AI recreation of David Attenborough, the famous British. Wait, the BBC did this? It was a news article about AI voice and how incredible it is now. And they had two segments of David Attenborough, one real and one AI. And it was incredible. You really couldn't tell the difference.

In response, he sent the following statement to BBC News. So he's done the BBC's in his home. They do all their shows. Yeah, all of his shows. Having spent a lifetime trying to speak what I believe to be the truth, I am profoundly disturbed to find that these days my identity is being stolen by others and I

greatly object to them using it to say whatever they wish. Yeah. But, like, how, what does his contract say? Like, if the BBC owns all of these shows, can they just keep him going

for the next hundred years? But is that what they plan on doing? Or were they just using him as an example of how good AI has become? literally 70 odd years of examples of his voice.

He's been doing these documentaries forever. He said every word that there is to say. Yeah. They've got it all. There would be hours of his spoken word. Like, been doing these documentaries forever. He said every word that there is to say. They've got it all. There would be hours of his spoken word. It would be so easy.

Who was the actor the other day that said, you're definitely not using my dead body? Dead body? No, my likeness and body when I die. You know what I mean? When I'm dead. Scarlett Johansson said that her voice is off limits. She'll sue anybody that does anything to do with her voice.

And that's kind of what the writer's strikes were about, right? Like a lot of that was AI going forward and what they can use and stuff like that. Well, I've got a clip here that I'm going to play you. I'm going to need some. I've got some music for you. What is this? Some kind of soundtrack?

This is from Planet Earth 2. It's called the Planet Earth 2 Suite. Okay. So I'm going to play you a clip of David Attenborough, and you've got to tell me if this is real David Attenborough or if it's AI. Just 55 years ago, man ventured to the moon. Not a woman, because back then they couldn't risk a period in space. But for the very first time, we looked back at our own planet.

Whoa, it looks so big. Dude, that's AI. The human population has more than doubled. And there's lots of chippy packets in the rivers. Here we see two incredible human specimens roaming the urban environment in New Zealand. This male, known as a Vaughan, has slender legs, a gruff-looking bearded face on a solid muscular rig. He's a cutie, but don't be fooled, he loves chapel roan and can take down a gazelle in an instant. The female, a Haley, is loud and boisterous but incredibly beautiful and Thank you.

I was at the start, I was like that. Peace out, homies. I was at the start and I was like, well no, this is definitely AI. Oh my god! Isn't that insane? You can literally, I just typed in anything and it sounds like him. Okay, sorry. Okay, that's so good. And obviously it's a free version of the

AI, so the sound quality wasn't the best, because we're not paying for the actual sound. We're not paying for it. But, oh, my God, that's got all of his intonation. That is exactly how David Attenborough would talk about Matatas. Isn't that insane? That is wild. And that's for free.

That's for free. That's for free. I actually felt quite nice hearing Sir David Attenborough, one of the greatest human beings to ever walk this planet, mention that I look like I am. And he said, what was his quote? Very late 20s. I've spent my entire life wanting to speak the truth.

No, but then he did say I am. Never has a truer thing been said. That you look in your late 20s. That I look in my late 20s with great tatas, extremely beautiful. He does. Heas. Yeah. Extremely beautiful. Yeah. He does. He's a man.

He speaks truth. Play ZM's Fletchborn and Hayley. Ho, ho, ho. Ooh, it's beginning to look a lot like Christmas. Ho, ho, ho, ho. 34 days, 16 hours and 29 minutes away from Christmas. I think we'll start with the fact that it's just snowed in London. Yes!

I saw so many friends putting up stories. Same. The BBC's headline, schools closed with warnings of more snow and ice to come. London's live snow updates as temperatures plummet. Some parts of the UK are as low as minus eight degrees already. Commuter chaos ensues. What's New York's temperature at the moment?

Because that's the other wintery, you know, where you want it to be snowy on Christmas. Yeah. New York temperature? 14 degrees Celsius. Okay. Barmy. It's not dropping.

Friday might be, Friday's going to be eight degrees in New York, but it doesn't look like no snow. Not like in London town. We always say that's lame. What do you reckon most, because we're going to be working through the 20th, do you reckon that's kind of the Friday most people will work up to and then... Yeah, because the week before seemed way too early. Christmas in the middle of the week? Yeah.

It's kind of like, oh, just take a couple of days off before Christmas and get to where you need to go. Yeah. Well, some reports of Christmas sneaking on in, well, not even sneaking in, just stomping in really with muddy boots, even though you've got a sign at the door saying, please remove your boots. Do you know what? Halloween is over and it is all go.

We were talking about this, that the Christmas levels felt a bit slow to start. And we were like, it's because of Halloween and the fact that Halloween even over here has become quite Americanised. It's stepping up. Like it's really ramping up in how we celebrate it, big parties and decorations and the fact that Halloween, even over here, has become quite Americanised. It's stepping up. Like it's really ramping up in how we celebrate it. Big parties and decorations and the likes. And even like Black Friday sales and stuff.

I have not bought a single thing. And to you, I can't remember. Well, they haven't really started yet. Some of them have. Haven't they? No. Okay, good. I've been waiting.

No, but when is Thanksgiving in America? Next Thursday. I've got lots of Black Friday sales in my email. 29th of November. 29th of November. So it's not this Friday, it's next Friday. But a lot of them are starting already. Right.

And they just start earlier. So I guess that also is the last bus stop before Christmas. But we've had reports coming on in. Kmart Bethlehem. Now, of course. That's actually where Jesus was born. That was where Jesus was born and where Mary went and bought his baby clothes. On aisle four, I believe.

If you want to actually go to where Jesus was born. I know. Mary was like, well, I'm not going to buy expensive designer things. He's just going to grow out of it so fast. And she didn't find out the gender until birth. Yeah, as a surprise. She didn't want to go too heavy on blues or pinks. She went quite neutral, didn't she? Yeah, as a surprise. So she didn't want to go too heavy on blues or pinks.

She went quite neutral, didn't she? Yeah, she went quite neutral. Gender neutral, whites. Yeah, until then she would know the baby's gender and be able to buy appropriate clothing.

She's a bit traditional in that sense. But Kmart Bethlehem were playing Mariah Carey's All I Want for Christmas as you over the loudspeakers. Oh God, that's a bit much. And have all of the usual

displays up. A report from Rachel that Flamingo Lovers is a Facebook group she belongs to. Okay. Flamingo Lovers and... The ornaments or the animals? Anything flamingo.

Okay, we just love flamingos. It is a Christmas flamingo for your lawn decoration wearing a Santa's hat with lights, with a light-up system. This looks to be in America, though, so I do apologise to say I don't believe we're going to be able to get Christmas flamingos here.

Good flamingos at Auckland Zoo. Saw them a few weeks ago. Great flamingos. Great flamingos. Pink hares. Yeah, they're real pink hares. The legs don't look like they should. What do you mean?

So thin. So thin. Like sticks. How's that big sort of rotund body sit on top? Yeah. Someone I know went to the salt flats recently in South America. And of course, that's where the famous scene

from one of the nature documentaries is where the flamingos, when it gets to the dry season, they get crusty, like effectively concrete anklets made of salt around their legs and they can't keep up with everybody so they fall behind and become garden ornaments.

Yeah, that's how we get flamingo garden ornaments. They just resin them. Well, the's how we get flamingo garden ornaments. They just resin them. The salt sort of almost petrifies them. It's own preserving. You salt the flamingo. Mandy sent in a Christmas recipe. That sounds like a bit of an innuendo.

Did you salt the flamingo last night? Boy oh boy. Mandy sent in a recipe for Fletch. It's a Lamington Christmas wreath. Mandy, thank you. Yeah, look. It's got lots of lamington, lots of fake cream, because you're a fake cream guy.

I don't think it needed a recipe. Basically using lamingtons and making them into a circle. So you just buy lamingtons. Buy the lamingtons, whip, put cream on top, and put some fruit on top. I love that. Lots of strawberries and some mint leaves. Can you send that to Bev?

She should whip one of those up for Christmas. I'm not sending that to your mum. Excuse me, you whip it up for Christmas. If you've got it on your laptop, it's just going to be easy. But if you've got a Christmas request for your mother, you send it to her. I'm not saying, hey, Bev. But CC me in. You've already decided that your family won't celebrate on the 25th of December because you can't make it.

We'll just have a little pre-Christmas. He can make it. He just needs to fly out before flights get expensive. Exactly. What, he's going to hang around for five days? It's an extra week of leave, isn't it? It's five days. Look, I'll be in charge of making the Christmas

Lamington wreath. Great. Wreath. Wreath. Circle. Christmas Christmas Lamington circle. Wreath. Yeah. And finally, to let everybody know, and this is for you more than anybody, Fletch, the Farmers' Santa Parade is happening this Sunday in Auckland. He nearly swore. It's so loud, I'm thinking about complaining to the council again this year.

Oh, Nana. Oh, they all finished by my house and they're all happy and they've got balloons. It's fun. Oh, it's terrible. What's the weather looking like? Hopefully it's Sunday weather. Because didn't they cancel it one year? Yeah, they did one year.

It's very bad. Well, I've got great news, ladies and gentlemen. Sunday is going to have a top of 19 degrees, a low of 14 in central Auckland. I might come out and visit Aunty Hayley. Yeah. So I can get out of the city. It's going to be cloudy. So not too, you know, that direct heat.

You don't want that on your Santa parade either. I will say as well, a report of Christmas there, craning in that and assembling that giant million dollar Christmas tree. Oh, down the bottom. Next to the big balls. It's going to look amazing. I'm excited about that. Also to add to the penetration, again, every time we do this,

people are saying, where are the orphans? Now. No, they died, remember? Presumed dead. Yeah. But I think 100% Christmas penetration could revive them. I don't know if it will. Presumed dead? We don't have confirmation

or death certificates. Well, with all of these reports of Christmas... I didn't see a body. I didn't see a body? Did you see a body? If one thing moves at Torme is if there's no body, there's no murder. We ask you, Mr Fletcher. If there's no body, there's no death. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, with all that in mind...

Oh, we're getting warmer. Right now, Christmas penetration is at... It's going to be close. 91%! Oh! It is beginning to look a lot like Christmas. 23 minutes away from 8. Play ZM's Fletchborn and Hayley. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley.

Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley. Every year People Magazine do the sexiest men alive, sexiest woman alive. This year it was John Krasinski. Yeah, remember that? All the way from gym at the office to big jacked guy in the gym. He is a cutie and he's this year's Sexiest Man Alive. But on the list was Benny Blanco who dates Selena Gomez.

Yes. Is a writer and music producer and would not in general make my Sexiest Man Alive list. Right. But you know, there's someone for everyone. Someone for everyone.

And a number of people were like, oh, interesting. Okay. And they interviewed him and he was like, you know, what makes you the sexiest man alive? You know, part of this list. And he was like, you know, chivalry is not dead. Tell your partner she's beautiful and da da da da. And in this interview, he revealed that he doesn't

shower that often. Like he doesn't. that often. Okay, like how often is not often? He's like, I don't wash my hair that often. He's got long, he's got tight, curly hair. Yep. Hair that I feel like should be washed. Like your fiancé, Aaron, has the same kind of hair. Very tight, curly hair.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And he'd always be washing that. Yeah, he washes it. He conditions it a lot because it's dry. Oh, okay. He's got split ends. It just gets dry. Well, he washes it. He conditions it a lot because it's dry. Oh, okay. He's got split ends. It just gets dry. Well, he only gets one haircut a year,

so the ends would be quite split. Okay. I think. So he conditions, but he does, he washes it quite a lot. He's a dirty boy. Yeah. He's always working, isn't he? Always working in the yard.

You know, you get dirt in it. But he says he doesn't wash. He doesn't believe in always shampooing and conditioning your hair. He said, I'm clean, but I don't shower every day, sort of two to three times. Every two to three days. Everyone was like, yuck. Was it Ashton Kutcher and Miley Kunis, did they come out and say they don't shower? No, it was their kids.

Oh, that's right. They don't wash their kids. They don't wash their kids. Everyone's like, I think you should. I think you should wash your kids. Yeah. So he was like, some people shower like two, three times a day. He was like, I think it's gross.

He said, when I walk past someone, I want there to be somewhat of an aroma. He said, I want it to smell a little bit like man. That's grotty. When he walks past. Although maybe some people would like that. Yeah, some people love the smell of a man. I've never really been drawn to human smells I mean I like a good perfume

but yeah a good pheromone yeah it's not really for me anyway people were calling him out on this grotty behaviour a little bit I want to know if you have dated someone even grottier with like terrible maybe there was terrible hygiene

or maybe they had a yuck bedroom maybe they were just are you going to say dating or like met Maybe there was terrible hygiene or maybe they had like a yuck bedroom. Maybe they were just... Are you going to say dating or like met? Because if you met someone and they weren't brushing their teeth, you'd end that pretty quickly, right? You wouldn't start dating them. You wouldn't start dating them.

Yeah, but I think you have to have gone on a date rather than just like you met someone and they had stinky breath. You romantically pursued someone. Do you think it's going to be all women saying it's men? Or do you reckon there'll be some grotty girls? There'll be some grotty girls. There'll be some grotty girls. There'll be some grotty girls.

Having frequented men's bathrooms often, because the queue is never long, the women's bathrooms are always so much worse. Grotty. Grotty girls. We've got no control over ourselves. It's disgusting. No, no, there'll be grotty women out there.

Okay, so whether it was a hookup or a date, how grotty were they? Yeah, how grotty was the person you were dating? Maybe you had a bit of a renovation situation on your hands. You're like, look, if we're going to go forward, you're going to have to start showering. We're going to get grooming. We're going to get plucking, trimming.

We're going to get the earbuds in the ears, even though we know it's bad. Or maybe it was something you saw, you know. Yeah, some grotty behaviour. Some grotty behaviour. 0800 DARS at Amazon number. Give us a call now. Text through 9696.

Ooh. The text's coming in. How grotty was the person you were dating? We want to know how grotty was the person that you were dating because Benny Blanco, who was dating Selena Gomez, he's made the sexiest man alive list, despite the fact that he admits that he showers every sort of two to three days.

That's manky. I mean, remember when I didn't have a bathroom for nine months, though? The worst I did was five days. And it's not that bad. It was pretty bad. Vaughn and I actually said, didn't we? We said it was pretty bad.

I was fresh as a daisy. I would give the bits that mattered a wipe. You were flanneling. I was flanneling. Regan, good morning. Morning. Hi. How grotty was the person that you were dating?

So we worked in a gymnasium together. He was my manager. Yep. And he would shower like maybe once a fortnight. Oh, shut up. Even though there's showers at the gym. And he worked at a gym. Yeah, so it was a gymnastics gym.

Ah, a gymnastics gym. Oh, my God. Okay, so. Did he have a smell about him? Oh, it was horrible. Yeah, okay. It was just like, I don't even think he believed in fucking deodorants. Oh, really?

Did you mention it to him? Did you ever say anything? Yeah, and honestly, I'm not too sure why I really said, but... I'm trying to wreck brain, looking for reasons. It's hard. I think we can only assume that he was rich. Gymnastics are hot. Bendy.

Yeah, Bendy's are hot. Rich and Bendy. Yeah. Rich and Bendy. Thank you, Regan. Ask the messages in. We had a flatmate who had his own bathroom but never ever had soap or shampoo in it.

Would just rinse himself under the tap. Interesting. That's not too bad on the grotty scale of things. No. Please don't call me. My ex-husband would blow snot out of his nose

like rugby players but inside the house. Inside! Oh, shut up. What? No. I had a partner for one and a half years and I had to beg him

to brush his teeth daily. He used to kiss me and I'd turn around and say, have you brushed your teeth? And he'd say, no, can you tell? I'd say, of course I can tell. We're no longer together. Oh, yuck.

That's so unattractive having to remind someone to brush their teeth. Yeah. My ex-boyfriend was so grotty, I got scabies from him. Ew. And he used to say

that relationship didn't last. I had scabies once. Oh. You've had scabies? No, I thought I had them. Oh. And I remember being like, oh my God, it's scabies.

And there was like a while where- How do you get scabies? My friend got scabies from sleeping with someone. You can get remember being like, oh my God, it's scabies. And there was like a while where- How do you get scabies? My friend got scabies from sleeping with someone. You can get them from like, how do you get them? Is it skin to skin? Skin to skin. Or can you get them from mattresses? Oh, maybe.

Close skin to skin contact and less often sharing clothing or bedding with a person who has scabies. Yeah. Isn't it, it's a bit of a backpackers thing as well. Yes. If like backpackers get scabies, it's like bleh. My friend slept with someone who had scabies and she got scabies and had to like

lie in like a milky bath and then like wash all of her bed. I was like, oh God. Keep your texts coming in. 9696 0800. Dials it in. How manky was the person

you were dating? A lot of manky people out there. The amount of messages that we can't read, eh, Vaughn? Yeah, there's some real gross. How grotty was the person that you were seeing? Yeah. My wife had an ex-boyfriend who was a plumber

who wouldn't shower after work all the next morning and still expect her to engage in indoor gardening after having been playing with people's poos all day. No way. I'm sorry. It's not all day's poos. Poos is mostly afternoons. Yeah.

You know, so their poos will still be fresh when he gets home from work. Wouldn't you just love having a shower after a long day? Yeah. Especially like, but then maybe not because, you know, plumbers are playing with water all day. Do they want to go home and get under it? Yeah, that's true. You know?

The top text is the funniest thing I've read in a long time. Please read. There's so many I'm still down the bottom. Okay, I'm at the top. My ex got out of the shower and sat on the bed with white sheets and just his towel around him. When he got up

off the bed, there was brown on the sheets from his butt. We both saw it but never spoke about it. Very grotty. The brown went through the towel or he wiped his... No, he must have, like, the towel must have come up and he's put his skids... I just love that they both went,

oh, my God, and just never said anything. My husband, who's a dairy farmer, can go five days without showering and only brushes his teeth when he does shower. No. That's a big cross. You've got to change that. Yeah.

Yeah. That's yuck. Once I was dating someone and it was going okay, so I went back to his house for dinner. He started removing lint from his belly button with a kitchen knife. Yuck. Never went back. Yuck.

Yuck. I used to have to stand at the toilet and watch my ex until he had a clean wipe after a poo. Otherwise, I kept finding huge skitties. What are you, dating a child? That is not attractive. We're not here to parent you. He's a man child.

Can't wipe his own bottom. When I'd hit him up about it, he'd say he often just got bored or impatient with the wiping. If it was taking a while. He needs more fibre. Sometimes it's like wiping vivid, isn't it? I know, but he needs more fibre. Why is it so't it? I know. Yeah, it is. I know, but have some more fiber. Why is it so runny?

I dated him for nearly three years. Oh, no. I'm still in the shock to about that. That's so gross. My husband picks his toenails and flicks them behind the couch. When I do a big spring clean, I pull the couch out. There's always a huge pile. Oh, my God.

That is unacceptable. I dated a guy and his bedroom was full of old containers of food and bottles of fizzy stacked up on the floor. He didn't have any clothes in the wardrobe. They were in a black plastic bag. He had a single bed with a duvet covered in saucers from eating in bed. Duvet covered in saucers?

I had never been to his house and it was the only time. Pretty sure he didn't brush teeth either. I don't know why I saw him as long as I did. That's like a common thread, eh? I don't know why I saw him as long as I did. That's like a common thread, eh? I don't know why I saw him as long as I did. Are we getting any about females? Because I knew this would be all guys. This girl I dated didn't have a top sheet.

What? Compared to others. A filthy. Pretty minor. But still grotty. Grotty. No, but that's a Gen Z thing, eh? No top sheet.

I don't roll a dog on my duvet sheet I don't raw dog on my duvet I don't like raw dog on the duvet no but that's the of all these texts in an undated text machine

the grottiest text about a woman is that she didn't have a top sheet I used to date a guy who would whinny the poo in bed and leave

skitties on my sheets what what is wrong I'm so again I know I feel like I'm just constantly apologising for the male of the species, but I do want to issue a huge apology to everybody

who's ever had to deal with one. Yeah. There's so many genital-based that we cannot read. Give that thing a clean, will you? Really? Everybody cleaning the genitals? They're not cleaning the genitals Dip it in the basin Before you're indoor gardening

Was 32 This guy No I can't I'm not gonna read it out I'm gonna sugar coat it Okay He was 32 I had to explain to him

That that thing needed cleaning He'd never cleaned it When I showed him This is a female Showing a male How to clean his own Car Ding dong This is ding dong Showing a male How to clean his own Car Ding dong

This is ding dong 32 He never cleaned it before When she said You've got to pull back The cover If you need to clean it Yeah

You've got to open the bonnet Open the bonnet Clean under the hood He'd never Pop the bonnet Oh Okay That's enough

Manky Grotty I'm really sorry We did this. Use some soap and have a shower, you people. Have a shower. Play ZM's Fletch Vaughan and Hayley. Why was producer Shannon crying on the viaduct

in the afternoon yesterday and approached by a number of people? She's here to tell us. Was it a bottomless crunch gone wrong? Yeah, you wouldn't be the only mid-twenties woman crying in the void up being like, I lost my shoes and my phone. No, I was in moderation yesterday. Oh, we are every day.

Yeah, we do. Actually, every day. That's how we celebrate. Yeah. No, my best friend is moving down south and we had to say goodbye to each other yesterday. So we decided to do it in public, thinking it was going to be better. Oh, she's crying already.

What do you mean down south? Like to Antarctica? To Clinton, a place near Gore. Jesus, when you're going to use Gore as the reference point to what something's near. I know. Like her nearest supermarket is going to be Gore. Clinton, a place near Gore, a place near Invercargill.

Yeah. A place downill. A place down south. A place down south. A place far away from me. But she's not like, yeah, because when you said she's gone, I thought she was dead. London. Or London. Honestly, it'd be easier to get to London than Clinton, I think.

To be fair, you're probably right. Yeah, so no, we had to say goodbye and this is my best, best friend. There's a state highway one between Clinton and Gore known as the Presidential Highway because of Bill Clinton and Al Gore, even though Al Gore was never a president. He ran for president. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He didn't quite get there.

Right. And that's probably the only fun fact out of Clinton and Gore. Yeah. Yeah. So we decided to do it in public thinking it would really keep us together. And it really didn't. We cried multiple times while at a bar and like not cute crying either. Like, I love you so much.

But when are you going to see her again? I've got flights for January. Yeah, okay. And you'll talk all the time. Does Gore have the internet? I mean, does Clinton have the internet? I don't believe so. She might have a sundial that she can use.

Do you live far away from any of your other friends? I've moved around the country before. It's just we've lived with each other on and off for seven years. And I'm used to seeing her every day. Yeah, okay, okay. So it just feels like a big change. Can I ask what takes a girl in her early 20s to Clinton? She's moving to be a farmer's wife, kind

of vibes. Oh, a farmer's wife. Is that a reality show? Yeah. Yeah. Farmer wants a Clinton wife, brackets, it's near gore, brackets, brackets, it's near of the cargo. Yeah. But no, yeah, we were sobbing and multiple

people came over being like, what's happened? Something's happened. What's wrong? She's moving a 90 minute flight away. Literally. And so yeah, we just sat at this bar crying and kept crying and crying and crying and I was like, okay, we need to wrap this up. How did she meet this farmer?

From Clinton. Studied radio as well. And now he's going to be a farmer? Yeah, he's from there. Is this man living your dream? No, I just... Radio to farm. Yeah, just wondering. Right, so they know each other from tertiary study and now he's going to go back.

Presumably take over the family farm she's going with. Yeah. Yes, yes, yes. I would never move to Clinton for a farmer, but I'm happy for her. I'd never study radio. I wouldn't either. I probably wouldn't either.

You don't need to. What if the farmer looked like Jason Momoa? I will, then I shall be milking cows. And he lived in Clinton. And I shall be milking that cow. You'll be there. Play ZM's Flesh, Fawn and Hayley. Shout out to our Clinton listeners.

Oh my God, good morning. So many. We might be Clinton's preferred radio station. We may be. We may be, yeah. So what's that now? Lesbians? Sri Lankans.

Sri Lankans and Clintonites. And people from Clinton. Well, good morning to you all. Now, yesterday I just felt like when I cook, I always like to watch something, but I don't want to invest in a show, so I'll often watch YouTube. And I often go on these little trailer binges

of like upcoming movies I haven't heard of or I'm not unaware of. I love doing this. And I got on a spin and I shared a few to the group and then I wanted to talk about. One, Bridget Jones Diary Part Four. Now, you know it's not going to be as good as the first and second. It's okay.

Shut up. It's not for you. It's for us. Now, it has Hugh Grant in it. Yes. He makes an appearance in the film. And she ends up, which is a kind of a theme in films at the moment, with a much younger guy.

Because historically in Hollywood films, right, it's always like the older man and he's like a beautiful young woman and we're just supposed to believe it. Now it's the older woman. And the person in the film, I think, who plays the love interest, he's the guy from White Lotus, the last season, who takes her away the blonde guy you know the young actor

the young male actor who's doing all sorts running schemes and is naughty you need to re-watch it I can't remember that one yeah yeah yeah anyway

the White Lotus in Greece yeah yeah the last season Italy in Italy and he's serving the uncle in the end he's serving the uncle. Right at the end, the uncle. In the end, he's serving the uncle, giving it to the uncle. The British guy. No.

Oh, my God. He's behind his uncle, helping out his uncle. These gays are trying to kill me. No, he's not one of those gays. That's all I remember from there. These gays. They're trying to kill me. That's the only thing I can remember from there.

Anyway, I've loved Bridget Jones since it first came out. I'm excited about that. When's that out? That must be soon. Very, very soon. In time for Christmas. Yeah, in time. Anyway, I've loved Bridget Jones since it first came out. I'm excited about that. When's that out? That must be soon. Very, very soon. In time for Christmas? Yeah, in time for Christmas, I believe.

I didn't even know it was being made until like last week. Now it's got to release it. No, no, no, no. 2025. Top of 2025. February 13th. There you go.

So the other film that then I got on my little trailer binge is a film called Queer, which is set in the 1950s in Mexico City and it stars Daniel Craig as an American expat who becomes infatuated

with a younger man and it's all about what it was like to be gay in the 1950s in a conservative sort of environment and him discovering that about himself

and apparently the performance that he gives is amazing. Daniel Craig. Daniel Craig. Daniel Craig's a great actor. He's a phenomenal actor. He's a great Bond.

He's shaking off Bond. Have you watched The Glass Onion? No. Yeah, he's great. Oh my God, those are amazing. Now this one, and then the trailer binge continued. This one got me so excited called The Last Showgirl. As you know, Pam Anderson's been everywhere at the moment.

Like everywhere. And this is about a showgirl who's been part of the same Las Vegas show she's a Las Vegas showgirl that's her dream you know she's dreamed it

since she was a little girl and it's coming to an end of it's 30 year run and I think it's a kind of like you know what's she gonna do with her life

and what is it all about when she's been this thing for 30 years and apparently they're saying that Pamela Anderson who has been very much underlooked for many years,

for numerous reasons, gives a performance of a lifetime. What, like Oscar winner? Very raw, real, you know, makeup free. She's kind of peeling back, shaking off that, what's the film she did? The Baywatch image. The Baywatch image or the barbed wire image.

Very excited for that.'s got jamie lee curtis in it as well i'll watch anything she does and now i want to talk about this one which is a limited series coming to netflix called apple cider vinegar which is about the australian influencer wellness influencer who faked having a number of cancers and healed it naturally. Do you want to tell me how this all started? I was diagnosed with a stage 4 brain tumour. That was four years ago. Human beings

are capable of anything. I was on a quest to heal myself naturally. I've learnt to seek out what's raw and honest. We've built a beautiful community together. I've learned that Australian accent. Nailed it.

I remember this happening, this girl. Yes, same. She pretended to have cancer. And she raised all this money. She developed an audience of cancer patients who were looking to her for advice and she was like, I'm not doing chemo. I'm having apple cider vinegar.

I'm eating this salad, these Buddha balls. And then there's an iconic, you have to watch it, 60 Minutes interview with Tara O'Brien. The Australian, yeah. And one of the questions, which is my favourite clip, is she's like, how old are you, Tara? And then, no, how old are you, Belle? And Belle's like, I was raised to believe that now how I was raised,

I would be a 25-year-old woman. And Tara's just like, how old are you? It's so good. So doing that Australian accent is Caitlin Dever from Dope Cirque and Unbelievable and Booksmart. Yes, he's a great actress. Amazing. I assumed it was an Australian doing the Australian accent

because it was that... Just a very nice Australian accent. Really subtle. Do Australians appreciate American actors or actresses doing their accent, or do they find it cringe when someone tries a New Zealand accent? I know, but the Australian accent's easier. It's easier.

Because it's bigger. And I've been exposed to more of it with like Steve the Crocodile Hunter and those real full on Crocodile Dundee Australian accents. Where it's like, what are they trying to do in a Kiwi accent? I don't mean to be rude. I've never really seen anyone now with a New Zealand accent who's not a Kiwi. Anthony Hopkins in the world. So bad.

That was so rough. Was that a bad one? It's not a Kiwi. Anthony Hopkins in the world. So bad. That was so rough. Was that a bad one? It's been a long time. So Elizabeth Banks made a New Zealand mini series I guess called A Mistake about a doctor who made a split

second decision and the patient died and she plays a doctor and apparently the director said to her you can do an English accent or whatever and she was like no I'm going to try and do the New Zealand one. Right. I'm a little upset you've missed out one of the biggest movies coming to screens

and movie cinemas in December, the 6th of December. What have I missed? Night Bitch. I am so sorry I missed Night Bitch. This is actually a movie starring Amy Adams. Academy Award nominated actually a movie starring Amy Adams. Academy Award nominated slash winning? Nominal actress.

Surely she's won. What happens to Night Bitch? She turns into a dog. At night? At night. That's what the name would indicate? A female dog at night. She turns into a dog at night.

What else happens? The headline of the poster, Unleash the Beast. Oh, for God. In select cinemas this, oh, there you go, in select cinemas this December. So that'll be straight to Netflix. What about Moana 2 is coming out? Yeah. The second Moana is coming out.

Craven the Hunter. There's literally so much. The Lord of the Rings animated movie. There's so much. Oscar season. So many good movies coming out. I can't wait. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley.-Ems, Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley.

Play Zed-Ems, Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley. Fact of the day, day, day, day, day. Yeah. Do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do. I just wanted to make a quick addendum, if I may. Yes, please. To yesterday's fact of the day about how the moon looks bigger on the horizon, but when it's up in the sky, it's exactly the same size, but you think, oh, it looks smaller.

Yep. Somebody messaged in saying, did you know you can remove the illusion of the moon looking that big if you turn away from the moon, bend over, and look back at the moon through your legs when your head's upside down? I saw those texts coming in, and I was like, what? Yeah. And I Googled it.

Nah, it sounds like a trick to make you do that. To make you look stupid. To make you look silly. And there's someone grabs your bum. Yeah. Someone punches you on the back. No, apparently it works. It's this thing, and no one's quite sure why.

There's a theory that it's flipping it upside down so it stops the Earth being something that you recognise as the Earth and closer to you, but it will remove the illusion of a moon looking really, really massive. How bizarre. Just by going upside down. Okay. Anyhow, today's fact of the day, here at Moon Week,

is about walking on the moon. Okay. What do you think the time was from the first person walking on the moon to the last person having walked on the moon? Oh, yeah. How long a period was it between the first and the last? Ages. Ages?

Give me a number. Ages number. I don't know. 30 years. No. Three and a 30 years. No. Three and a half years. Oh. Three and a half years between the first person walking on the moon.

Yep. Neil Armstrong. Of course. Yep. That's right. We haven't had someone up there for ages. We haven't had. No, there's 12 people have walked on the moon through the entire history of it all.

And the first one was in 1969. Nice. And the last one was the end of 1972. That's right. Why have we not put people back there? The cost of it. And also we've done it. So like, what's the point? Just to be like, I'm on the moon again. I'm on the moon again. So apparently since 1972, no one has either landed on the moon nor been in the lunar orbit. So been in a craft that's just orbited around the moon. We've sent unmanned. Technology's got to the point where you can send unmanned.

But we don't want to go back up there. Unwarmed, unpersoned. No, I think we do. Is it Trump that wants to go back to the moon quite badly? I don't know. Or to Mars. I would have thought Elon would have dipped a toe on the moon just to say, I've done it.

I've done it. Yeah. So 12 people have walked on the moon in total. The first in 1969 and the last in 1972. So only three years between them. Jesus. Fact of the day, day, day, day, day. Play ZM's Flesh, Fawn and Hayley.

The impossible phone-in topic. It's a topic that we think is going to be quite impossible. Yes. But even I don't know today, like, when it involves family. Drama. There's always drama. So, Liam Payne tragically died recently. Yeah. And they won his funeral.

So, has he not had his funeral yet? Well, I think they had to get the body. Big investigation. Yeah. And the investigation, then getting it home and everything. Of course. Of course. Of course. But was that, how long ago was that now?

It feels like a month, but it's probably two weeks. No. I don't know. This time of year is just like flying by. Yeah. When was it? One month. Yeah, it's been a month.

Has it? It's been a month. 16th of October. Oh, my God. Yeah, slightly over a month. Has it? It's been a month. 16th of October. Oh, my God. Yeah, slightly over a month. So the reason we're talking about this is because, one, very sad, but two, his mother has come out saying that they don't want his old, his manager, Roger Norris, he's banned from the funeral.

Right. Apparently because, I mean, again, it's all alleged, right, but there's investigations into his death and how things all kind of transpired and he's being investigated in relation to it. Right. Allegedly. And there's obviously some bad blood there as well. Of course.

Like, where were you? Yeah. How did you let this happen? So he's been banned from the funeral, which has ignited in us the question, were you banned from the funeral and why? Or who was banned? Or who was banned? Or who was banned? Or did you have to ban someone from a funeral

and what was it all about? Like, did you have to ban dad's new girlfriend? You're not coming. From mum's funeral. Yeah, yeah, you're not coming. From mum's funeral. There would definitely be drama like that happening. Yeah.

And I just want to know the why because it's such a dramatic move. Well, like, do you reckon there'd be any siblings at River or like family members that were banned from their own family's funerals? Oh yeah, 100% there would be. Just because of like falling out. I've just never really had any family

drama worth speaking about. Ban or do they say Gran's died, don't bother coming. Like a don't bother versus a ban. No, I reckon- You were told not to attend. We'll only accept bans.

Like you are not allowed to attend. You are not allowed, like, yeah. Not like it's a small thing. Yeah, yeah, don't bother. Don't bother. I don't think that counts. I want to be like, if you show up at the door, you will not be allowed in.

Yes. And why? What was the family drama? Give us the goss. Oh my God, like, would you have to like get a red badge security at the door, you will not be allowed in. Yes. And why? What was the family drama? Give us the goss. Oh, my God. Like, would you have to, like, get a red badge security on the door? Yeah. Like, if you see a short woman with red hair who...

Keep her out. Yeah. Don't let her in. Okay, well, has this ever happened? Do you know of someone that was banned from a funeral? Did you have to ban someone? Or were you banned yourself? 0800 dial ZM is the number.

You can give us a call now. Text through 9696. Who was banned from the funeral and why? The impossible phone-in topic. Proving very possible today. Well, there's always family drama. We want to know if you or someone you know have been banned from a funeral. Yes, Liam Payne's family have decided to ban his manager

because he's being investigated as to, you know, how this all happened. Yeah, there's obviously some bad blood there and they don't want him there at all. Now, the funeral has been confirmed for tomorrow, UK time. It's going to happen. And apparently all of the One Direction band members will be in attendance. Of course. It's a private burial ceremony taking place.

I think that's nice. But can I just, when I die, I want a state funeral. Is that possible? I don't know if that's a thing. Like a light parade down the street. A full parade. Not a parade light. A full parade.

For like beloved prime ministers. Yeah. Let the people mourn. Icons. People who take the day off work. People who end up on the currency, you know. So that's happening like tomorrow UK time. That's been like nearly five weeks since he died.

That's crazy. Big investigations, I guess. Yeah. Okay, well the question, have you or someone you know been banned from a funeral? It's not impossible. The family drama is here. Anonymous joins us. Anonymous, you were banned from a funeral.

Yeah, I was, yeah. Why? So my daughter's father passed away not long before she was born. Yeah. And they didn't believe that he was the the father and so they banned me from the funeral and then obviously she was born they didn't believe i was pregnant as well like they thought that was a big you know right so they um banned me from the funeral and then time time came and my beautiful daughter arrived um and realised that one, I was pregnant

and then after the DNA test they realised that two, he was the father. And then did they want something to do with you and your son? No, we've had nothing to do with them since they were born and they also said they didn't want anything to do with us because it just would

not look good for their family to have a child out of wedlock and I was like, well you can't get any worse than your not being here. I mean, it's unreal. I would have thought they wanted to have

had a bit of him live on and be a part of that. Totally, of course you would. Oh my god. Yeah, but I mean, I would put it down to the fact that we are, I hate to say it but we are of a different skin colour. Right. Oh, my God. Yeah, but I mean, I would put it down to the fact that we are, I hate to say it, but we are of a different skin colour. Right. So, yeah, I think it came down to that in the end. Right.

It's disgusting in any way, but yeah. Wow. That is wild anonymous. Oh, my God. And then you also didn't get to say goodbye at the funeral. Oh, sorry. You also didn't get to say goodbye at the funeral. No, and like we were, this is the thing,

like, so it wasn't like a relationship of any sort. We were just really good friends. And then, you know, a couple of beers here and there and then the next thing happened. But we, you know what I mean? Like, but we were fine. So it was really disappointing. But, you know, she's living her best life now.

I was just bought her first house. I'm a single mum and I work two jobs and she gets everything she wants oh that's awesome it's a daughter not a son oh that's so lovely oh that's nice anonymous

thank you for sharing thank you for sharing indeed amazing not impossible so many messages coming in Michelle you are a funeral director

yes I am so how many we get all sorts I was going to say you would have some great stories. How often do people get banned from funerals? More frequently than you would imagine. Quite a lot of family contention kind of creeps in around that time. So you can imagine that there's a bit of...

I've never seen... There's only two funeral directors. Yeah, I was going to say, I've never seen security on the door of a funeral. So what do you do? No. Well, they just have to give us a description and kind of say, you know, we don't want this person here or not, but we can only do so much.

So we had one instance when a woman came in, we'd been told about her, we were a little bit concerned, you know, kept our eye out. Yeah. She rocked to the front of the chapel Oh, for God's sake. Oh, my God! Oh, my God! Oh, my God. It was like, oh, my God, what the hell do we do?

It's like a scene out of a movie or a TV show. Yeah, I know. And you just have to stand there, and you can't stop it. You kind of go, oh, my God, what do we do? That's so good. Call her in the wake. Call her in the wake. Let's do it.

That is so juicy. Because that's juicy. I don't think we're going to beat that. Hey, well done. We'll hook you up with a $50 McCafe voucher. Thanks to our mates at McCafe. Thank you. Thank you so much.

Keep your texts coming in. We're dealing with the drama, darling. Oh, my God. 9696 0800 DARS at M. We'll get to more of these next. There's so many. There's so many. Impossible phone-in topic right now, though.

Have you been banned from a wedding? It is not impossible. Funeral. Not a wedding been banned from a wedding? It is not impossible. Funeral. Not a wedding. Sorry, a funeral. It is not impossible. Oh, my God. The family drama that is inundated this inbox right now.

Well, it just, why can't people just, like, just chill just for a funeral? Nothing's chill about a funeral, though. Like, come and pay your respects, no drama, and then leave. Do you know, I talked to my mum the other day, because they're doing, you know, I talked to my mum the other day, because they're doing, you know, you've got to write it down. Yeah, you've got to write it down. You've got to write it down what you want to happen to you. My mum doesn't want one.

Chuck me in a hole, she said. I couldn't agree more. Yeah, I don't, I'm not a fan of them. Oh my God, I want people to be absolutely weeping. Nah, I love a live funeral. Like, people that know they're about to die. Oh, so they have a party before they die. They have a party and everyone sees nice things and you hear it.

Yeah. That's great. We should do one for you soon. Okay, sure. Just, you know. No time to crash. The way he lives, fast and loose. You never know.

Yeah. I am thinking about going paragliding. Yeah. Well, we'll do a life general for you. Just maybe update the life insurance, get my kids' names on that payout. And just put my name in there. Yeah, yeah. Let's chuck some more names on that list of people that will benefit greatly.

These are crazy, some of these stories. Somebody messaged in, do you remember how I told you guys about my Uncle Jared that got run over by a laundry truck? Yes. Do you remember that? I've got a vague memory of Uncle Jared. Well, he'd been a resident in an institution. truck. Do you remember that? I've got a vague memory of Uncle Jared's. Well he had been a resident

in an institution then they say can you say do you call them that now? For many years. You don't call it a mad house.

You don't call it that. So other than us his funeral was like a scene out of One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest.

Like a lot of people who had also been in the institution with him. All guests still in their home clothes, like their relaxing clothes. We said to the person, maybe limit the number of people you'll bring just because it is still a funeral. So just a light band there.

Yeah, but they didn't. They bought everybody. There was people like doing loud, weird, haunting laughter all through the funeral. Wow. Like a scene out of a movie. People pulling their own hair out. Wow. The minister thought it was some sort of joke and then realized that Uncle Jared had spent quite a bit of time in a facility.

I don't think you say asylum anymore. Do you not say that? I think you say facility. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's facility. But, you know. Bin? Do we call it a bin still?

A bin? A loony bin? No, I don't think we call it a loony bin. A facility. I think an institution or a facility. Yes. Padded institution. So we've removed the words bin from there, have we?

Yeah, we have. Yeah, we have. My ex-husband was banned from my father's funeral because they didn't want him there because he cheated on me while my dad was dying from a brain tumour. Oh, my God. Oh. Never a good time to cheat

but I'd probably put that in my top five worst times to cheat on someone when your dad's dying of a brain tumour. One of my family members was banned from my great grandma's funeral

as his children and his mum and their mum wanted to attend. A few years ago he'd run away with a much younger woman to live in Dubai

without telling any of his family. Oh, hello. Last we heard was him trying to get back into the country for the funeral, but he was arrested trying to leave Dubai for money laundering and no one's heard from him since. That was 2018. Oh, my God. We didn't ban my uncle, but we probably should have

because he's highly emotional, but also the black sheep of the family. He leapt into the coffin on top of his mother, my grandmother. Oh my God. Wailing. Leapt. No. Leapt.

No. I didn't go to my grandfather's funeral. I was well let know that I was not going to be welcomed. My family are conspiracy theorists. They think university ruined my brain. They call me the family black sheep. They believe dinosaurs are completely pretend. The world is 2,000 years old.

And from there, you can imagine where these conversations spiral from. He has been infected by education there. Yes. But he may say facts. Yeah. So I can see why they wouldn't want that. My cousins were banned from my nana's funeral because a few months earlier,

they saw my auntie at the supermarket and she slapped one of them. Because of course she did. And then they proceeded to saw my auntie at the supermarket and she slapped one of them. Because of course she did. And then they proceeded to have a big scrap at the supermarket. So when Nana passed away, auntie decided not to tell anybody that Nana had died and had a secret funeral. Oh my gosh. What do you think the slap was

over the New World stickers? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Give me that. Give me the stickers, auntie. And she's like, no, you give me the stickers. Auntie got the last lot of bananas that were actually like ready to eat. Not like, no, you give me the stickers. Or Auntie got the last lot of bananas that were actually ready to eat. Yeah. Not like still so, so green. There's quite a lot of people not allowed to go because the wife of the father who's died doesn't want their kids to know about them.

You know, like Dad had a child beforehand. Oh, okay. He's like, oh, you can't come because my kids don't actually know about you. So we'll just keep you away. My auntie contacted me and said, you're banned from attending granddad's funeral. Why? I was like, you can't stop me. And I went anyway.

No word on why they were banned. My wife was banned from my father's funeral. I only found out two days before when the evil stepmother told me. Oh, if it's a current wife, you can't ban a current wife from a funeral, can you? Wife was banned from my father's funeral. I only found out two days before when the evil stepmother told me. Oh! Why you can't, if it's a current wife, you can't ban a current wife from someone's funeral, can you? No. Wouldn't have thought so. Oh!

I feel like banning someone, like in my will, putting in X is not allowed to attend, like this person is not allowed to attend, even if I love them, because it'll just make them think for the rest of their life, like, what did I do? What happened? Imagine being like like note Vaughn Smith not to attend.

But I feel like someone like Vaughn who doesn't have you know you wouldn't be anxious about that for the rest of your life would you? Club sandwiches.

You do love asparagus rolls. You know I have saucy rolls and I'll have asparagus rolls. And lemon. And I'll have cob loaf and carrot sticks. Stop.

At a funeral? Yeah, my mum will do a cob loaf. With the dippy carrot sticks? My mum makes it. I don't want to. I don't think there's no dips at a funeral. No dips at a funeral. There's no dips at a funeral.

There's no dips at my funeral and you're not invited. No, I just don't think you really thought that through. It'll just be the rest of your days wondering why. Nah, sandwiches. It's got to be sandwiches.

Well, congratulations to you, podcast listeners, that you've reached the end. So I would assume if you've listened all this way through, you're either asleep, in which case, wake up! Or you enjoyed it. So drop us a review and tell your friends.

That's how podcasts work. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley.