ZM's Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley - Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley's Big Pod - 21st September 2023

Episode Date: September 20, 2023

Haylien News!  Top 6: Land a Plane  Vaughan had a Trim  Hayley, The Fashionista  It's Beginning to Look a Lot Like Christmas!  Fact of the Day Day Day Day Daaaaay!See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

The ZM Podcast Network. The Fletch Vaughan and Hayley Big Pod. Treat yourself to McCafe coffee with my Macca's rewards. Good morning, welcome to the show, Fletch Vaughan and Hayley. Today we're spread around the country. We are spread wide. Vaughan joins us from our Wellington studios. Yes, a thoroughly good morning to you both and to everybody listening.

And that's all That's all I had In the capital today you're going to a big ceremony Yeah my auntie is getting a Queen's service medal So I am going to government house I don't know if my auntie Either of my aunties were getting a

Queen's service medal if I'd be there I'd wish them well Yeah that probably Spe speaks more to the fact they don't want to invite you than you would a guy. Yeah, probably that. I mean, Aunty Helen would, I imagine she'd invite Scott, your brother, before she invited you.

Oh, she probably would, yeah. Same with Aunty Barb's. He scrubs up very well. He would wear his best Brisbane Broncos jersey. He would, he would. Or maybe his Pantera hoodie that he saves for special occasions. He probably would. Yeah.

Great stuff. Right, coming up on the show, today we'll have more chances for you to win cash with our Cash Catch-Up, 8 o'clock. And we have two captain's packs. I know, only two. Only two left from Flight Centre. So if you want to win one of those and some

Flight Centre gift cards, make sure you're listening around 8.30 this morning. Yesterday was $1,500. We're giving away like $10,000 of the Flight Centre gift cards all up. The top six is soon? Yeah. GQ, the Gentleman's Quarterly,

interviewed some actual pilots, some experts when it comes to flying planes, and said, could the average male actually land a plane like so many of them believe they could? Yes. And they said, absolutely not. They would have, I believe, the words they used were, best case scenario would be a controlled crash.

That feels more accurate. Yeah, yeah, it does. Slide it in on the belly sort more accurate. Yeah, yeah, it does. Slide it in on the belly sort of thing. Maybe a clip of wings, spin around. People get a bit of whiplash, but hopefully people won't die. Yeah, light bit of fire. Maybe we lose the back section.

Not sure. But today's top six is the top six parts of landing a plane that would probably be the hardest. Okay, all right. That's soon in the top six. We've also got another round of alien news. Now, look, we've been ignoring this one because it seemed silly for a while, didn't it? And then we kind of touched on it, right?

But in a very mocking manner. Well, there's huge updates on the Mexican aliens that the Mexican government put on display and said, hey, here's proof of life outside of Earth. An update on that. Yeah. Next on the show, though, something that is going to make online shopping very hard. Oh, no, I love online shopping.

I know you do. I'm doing it right now. Play. ZM's Fletch Vaughan and Hayley. Well, H&M, the clothing empire. Conglomerate. Conglomerate has joined a growing list of retail stores that have begun charging customers to return their online purchases.

Get a grip. Get a grip. So the retailers started testing for charging for returned items in September of last year in the US, and now it's hit the UK. And apparently Zara's doing this. Is it Uniqlo? Yeah. That store?

They've got some good stuff. Do we have that here? Uniqlo. Uniqlo. Do we have that here? Are you talking about Uniqlo Pharmacy? No, Uniqlo. No, no, no.

UNIQLO. I know the store. It's red logo. Red with a square. Yeah, yeah. I have no idea. Is it a clothing store? Yeah, it's a brand. I think a square. Yeah, yeah. I have no idea. Is it a clothing store? Yeah, it's a brand.

I think it's very UK. Yeah. Yeah. It's a Japanese casual wear designer, manufacturer, and retailer. It is. And when you go to Aussie, you see it everywhere in Aussie as well. So customers in the UK are now required to pay £1.99, so $4 return fee for each returned parcel.

Oh, get it. Is that to cover the post, do you think? Yeah. And what they're saying, yeah, because the whole reason they're doing this is because it's just reducing emissions and their costs. Reducing emissions. I know.

It's got nothing to do with reducing emissions. Zero to do with that. No. Most companies, like a lot of the places I'll shop, they'll send a returns bag in your package. But you don't pay for that, right? No. The returns bag.

No, no, it's already prepaid postage. But that always blows my mind that you've been able to return clothes for free. Yeah, yeah. I don't return, this is a thing that they're going to miss because people will go, okay, well they won't, because a lot of people will go, okay, I'm between sizes. I want to buy, this is a thing that they're going to miss because people will go, okay, well they won't, because a lot of people will go,

okay, I'm between sizes. I want to buy a 12 and a 14, say, and then I'll see which one fits the best and I'll return the other one. And then sometimes they just won't bloody return it. Well, and they've got you. And now they're missing an opportunity because people just won't do that anymore.

But they're not missing an opportunity because they've made their money twice from you. Remember, I did this recently. I saw a dress and it was a black dress with a cinched waist. What? You? You bought a black dress? Now, this may shock you.

This is very uncharacteristic of you, Sprite. I bought a black dress with literally a ruched waist and it went out like this. Yeah. What? Then I saw a similar dress but slightly better by another brand. So I was like, I'm going to go buy that one. I thought you were going to say a similar dress that you already own because you've got about 20 of them in your wardrobe.

Shut your mouth. I'm going to return the first black dress with the ruched waist for this new black dress with the ruched waist. And then time went by and I've kept both. Right, okay. It got to the point where one day I was wearing the first one and I said, I've got to quickly get changed. And I put the second one on, Aaron was like, what just happened?

Is this a slightly different version? But do you know what I mean? Like the whole returns process, I was like, I can't be bothered. Well, yeah, that's why, yeah. And then I've got my money and the dress I don't need. Yeah, like if I find something in a store that I like and I get it online, I know it's the size I want.

Yes, totally. I don't want to be messing around with returns because it's so annoying. and it's in your car for bloody three weeks and then you've missed the... Because do New Zealand retailers

do a charge now? Because it's coming. You know it's going to happen. I don't feel like they do. It's all the rage now. Yeah. Would you pass on these dresses that you can't be bothered returning because you live sort of a high-end luxury life?

Frivolous. Just frivolous spending. Would you pass it on to other people who like black dresses? No. Would you just... It's mine. It's my collection. Sort of a hoarding of sorts.

No, not a hoarder. A collector. Have you not seen the new wardrobe that's being renovated into her house? It's literally the size of like a small studio apartment in the city. Yeah. It is.

And they're all going to hang there in one big black block. Yes. And I will admire them. And at any moment, I could wear them. I looked at it and I thought to myself,

now that wardrobe space could definitely use a few anine bings, which are sort of distressed-looking $400 hooded sweatshirts that AS Colour does for about $25 or $5 for $100. Take this up with your wife, mate. I don't own an anine bing. You don't own a single anine bing. I own a couple of anine bings. Oh, okay. I knew a single Anini Bing. I own a couple of Anini Bings. Oh, okay.

Now, now. I knew it. Yeah, there you go. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley. Hayley and news babies. So I'm sure you would have seen this, that there were two supposed extraterrestrial aliens that the Mexican government had been holding onto

and were now putting on display. Which looked like a stereotypical movie alien. But petite. The size of a five-year-old, I reckon. Okay. But very skinny. But yeah, like alien face. I know what you're going to say. I've seen it. They were cakes I reckon. Okay. But very skinny, but yeah, like alien face. I know what you're going to say. I've seen it. They were cakes.

No. Okay. So, listen. They had them on display and they were like here's proof of extraterrestrial life. These were discovered in Peru and they were between 700 and 1800 years old. Big gap there.

Big gap. 700 and 1800, not the same. And anyway, it was like, who found these? An alien enthusiast. So you're like, okay, already. Of course they did, yeah. Then there was a pastry chef who shared on social media and it went viral, a video, and it's cutting, the chef cuts through it and is like, surprise, it's cake. A video and it's cutting, the chef cuts through

it and is like, surprise, it's cake. That was actually very well done. It was very well done. And then it went viral and everyone was like, hang on. They were cake the whole time? Yeah. Not true. This was just a guy who remade these cakes to look exactly like them. Because we don't know what

aliens are made of. Maybe they are made of cakes. Oh my god, imagine. That would be so bad for this planet if aliens visited and they were cakes. They we don't know what aliens are made of. Maybe they are made of cakes. Oh, my God. Imagine. That would be so bad for this planet if aliens visited and they were cakes. They wouldn't even know. God, we'd just numb them up. We're exploring and we arrive on their planet just as we've, like, exhausted our food and everything on the spaceship.

And we get there and then one of them's like, oh, meet Gleep Glop. He is recently amputated. And you're like, oh, no, Gleep Glop. And then you look and his cross And you're like, oh no, Gleep Glop. And then you look and his cross section is just cake. And you go, hang on a second. We eat Gleep Glop's people. Yum. Okay, yum.

So that wasn't true either. So we go back to the Mexican government who has, the whole thing is that someone, the person who was presenting these is an alien enthusiast, right? Which is the problem. Which is the problem. Which is the problem. And so everyone was like, prove that they're real. Scan them.

And so they did a live stream of them scanning these bodies. Who's they? The government? The government or the representative of the extraterrestrial arm of the government. And then they released these scans of the alien skeletons and I tell you what, so apparently the aliens Here we go.

It's all one skeleton. He's not in bits like we're in bits. It's all connected and That doesn't work. He would walk like this. I don't think that works. And well the thing, he's also full of eggs. Full of what?

Eggs. Eggs. He's full of eggs. This absolutely bare scan that they uploaded. Wait, and he's from Mexico. Is he a piñata? He looks like a piñata. It could be a piñata.

Is it an exoskeleton? Is, you know, like a crab? Is it an exoskeleton? No, it just, like a crab? Is it an exoskeleton? No, it just looks like a human skeleton with like weird ribs. And then there's these two things in his chest. And then three egg-like things towards what would be a uterus area. Right. Where did they say they got these from?

Were they in some tomb? Yeah, they've been held in a tomb for years. Well, there's a lot of pyramids in such an area, isn't there? And there's always been, you know, like, how did they have the technology to do this, that, and the other? Where did chocolate come from? That's right. Yeah, a lot of unanswered questions in the area. They found an escalator from, like, what?

Yeah, that's right. 4,000 BC. Electric escalator. Which is weird that they had an escalator. Now, this, the person... Hold on, I've never heard of this escalator. Yeah, in the pyramid. an escalator. Now, this, the person... Hold on, I've never heard of this escalator. Yeah, in the pyramid. You remember that?

Yeah, I remember that. And there was a Westfield sign. Yeah. They had like a cotton on. This makes sense. They had a cotton on. This makes a lot of sense. Which was 4000 BC.

What the hell? I thought cotton on was like only within the last 20 years. Yeah. Not true. And there was an alien spaceship parked in the access parking without displaying their sticker. Yeah, their alien sticker. They got towed.

They called them over the Pyramid Westfield's PA system. Yeah. Well, look, a lot of people are dubious about these aliens. I'm dubious. But the alien expert has sworn under oath that these are extraterrestrial beings. Oh, of course he has. So we can only believe them. Right, and definitely not cakes.

Definitely not cake. Do you know what's not on TV? Maybe on like those, isn't it weird how the History Channel is 90% not history? It's just all like aliens and speculation and stuff. Yeah. Do you remember in like the late 90s, early 2000s, there was a heap of TV shows where they would just get these people to sit around and sort of hypothesise

what aliens might be like? I don't, I can't say. They used to be like, I would flick that high up on Sky. They'll be small and they'll be skinny because they've become so intelligent to be able to travel that they don't need large frames so they've evolved to be small

and they'd just sit around and speculate on all this nonsense. It was great watching. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley. Blah, blah, blah. Blah, blah, blah, blah. This is the Top Six. Hello, yes.

Now, men are often, and for a very long time historically, have overrated their abilities to do a lot of things. Yeah. Yes. I'm including please woman. Yeah. Yeah. We try our best. Like, did you?

No, hon, I didn't. But thank you for trying. Yeah, thank you for trying and thank you for asking. That's just the answer to the question, did you remember to get the chicken out of the freezer? No, hon, I didn't. When you got home from work? No. Well, thank you for trying.

I didn't even try. I'm a terrible, terrible person. Well, landing a plane is no exception. A man tweeted in 2022 saying, I think all men sincerely believe they could safely land a commercial airliner in an emergency situation with only air traffic control to walk them through it.

55,000 likes on Twitter, and then it evolved and migrated to TikTok, where people were like, do you believe you could land a passenger plane in an emergency? And lots of men said, absolutely. A study in America said one in three Americans believed they could safely land a passenger airplane, and that included women.

And then when they narrowed it down to just men, it was over 50% of men believed they'd be able to land an airplane. I mean, wow. Because we spoke about this when that was going everywhere, and then an air flight simulation place was like, come on then, Fletcher and Bordelay. I know, and I'm keen to pop up to Silverdale below. We'll have to pack a bag and some scroggin'

because you are halfway to Whangarei by the time you get to Silverdale. But also, Vaughn and I have done it before. And it is, like, even with someone there who's a pilot saying, press that, pull that, push that. It's very hard. Overwhelming. They didn't let us video it, but you also can fly under the Harbour Bridge. Oh, naughty.

Yeah. That was another place. If you've never done a full-sized flight simulator, oh, my God, that's so much fun. So much fun. It'd be a great Christmas gift. Hey, it would be. Great thought. It'd be a great gift.

For the plane lover near you. Well, I've got the top six parts of landing a plane that would probably be the hardest. Because a pilot's come out and said, you can't do this. A commercial pilot. I know you want to think you can. There's a big article in GQ magazine. Yeah, you would have a controlled crash at best. I'll be happy with that.

I mean, you'd at least got more chance there as opposed to just plummeting into the ocean. Yes. He says that, but last spring, a man with no prior flying experience called Darren safely landed a plane with guidance from air traffic control in what is known as a talk-down landing. But that was a small light aircraft. Not a Boeing. Not a 777 or a Dreamliner. Yeah. Once you've driven a car, you can drive a 777 or a Dreamliner. Yeah.

Once you've driven a car, you can drive a truck, though, you know. Yeah, yeah, exactly. Same thing. Few more buttons. I reckon it's not. I reckon it's not. I reckon it's not. Top six hardest parts of landing a plane.

Number six on the list, every other dude on the plane over your shoulder telling you what you're doing wrong. Nah, mate. Nah. Listen to me. Listen to me. Listen to me. Bro, bro, bro. Put the gear down now.

I reckon put the wheels down now, bro. One less thing to worry about later, man. Yeah, it'll be all big. Too right. Flick that switch, bro. What does it do? Dunno, man, but what will you know? Give it a go.

Give it a go, bro. Number five on the list of the top six parts of landing a plane that'll be the hardest. Not panicking when the wheels squeaked when they hit the ground. Oh, yes. Oh, yeah. Take off again. Number four on the list of the top six hardest parts of landing a plane. Remembering to turn the microphone off so the whole plane doesn't hear you being very scared and crying when it's not all going to plan.

I don't want to do it. I've changed my mind. Can someone else do it, please? I can't. I can't. I can't. I can't do it. I don't want to do it. I've changed my mind. Can someone else do it, please? I can't, I can't, I can't. I don't want to do it anymore. You've got to have a positive attitude when landing a plane. And a layer of confidence. Yeah, yeah.

And that's one thing males do not lack. Number three on the list of the top six parts of landing a plane that would be the hardest. Getting a handful of lollies for landing and still having a spare hand for landing the plane. Well, you don't want to miss out. Yeah. Just because I'm landing the plane. Why should you miss out? You're the hero of the hardest. Getting a handful of lollies for landing and still having a spare hand for landing the plane. Well, you don't want to miss out. Yeah. Just because I'm landing the plane.

Oh, why should you miss out? You're the hero of the plane. You should probably get more. Do they still get like a coffee or tea or biscuit or cassava chips option? I've heard that when the pilots do it. Yeah. That makes a good feel. A little biscuit.

I'd hate to think that they didn't have a cassava in there. Number two on the list of the top six hardest parts of landing a plane. Remember to go wheeze before the seatbelt light comes on. Nothing harder than concentrating on something when you really need to go wheeze. But do you know what? You're in charge of the seatbelt light, so do what you want. Oh, my God. You do you, hon.

You just turn it off and then go wheeze and then turn it back on. And then come back and sit back on the pilot seat. While the plane is plummeting. Yeah. Towards Earth. Yeah. Towards Earth. Yeah. That's the one. And number one on the list of the top six parts of landing a plane would be the hardest

is when all the machinery and navigation and everything doesn't work because one person didn't put their phone on flight mode. Oh, it's Fletch. I've seen him. You know what's going to happen? Don't know you're allowed it on flight mode now. I've seen him. Not on tape off on landing, sir. I've seen him. Not on paper from

landing, sir, and we're in the middle of an emergency landing. I do not do that. I phone on flight mode every time. Thank you.

Bullshit. Please check if you've ever seen Born on Instagram on landing. Yeah, me too, actually. Yeah, me too.

Yeah. Best time to be on the gram. It's when you get all the likes. That is today's Top 6. I'm trying to think about the last time I once got a manicure in my togs.

Yeah, and I think I'd been at the beach with friends and I was in togs and I had a towel wrapped around my waist and we went and got a manicure. Were you in New Zealand or overseas? Oh, you good question. No, yeah, here. Not in Thailand.

Was the manicure placed directly over the road from the beach? No. Oh, that's a bit weird. I know. That's really weird. I know. So, news.com.au That's really weird. I know. So news.com.au, that's an Australian's version of, I feel like it's like Australian stuff. Yeah.

You know? Okay, yeah. Yeah. They do a thing called the Great Aussie Debate and they ask people questions about Australian culture and one of them was how far is it okay to wear togs from the beach? Which is just like the ad we were talking about. Togs, togs, togs, togs, undies, undies, undies.

I rewatched it. It said 300 metres or within line of sight of water. So I think that's what we all agreed upon, right? Yeah. So here's what it came down to. Okay. The harshest critics said that, so it's 24% of people, stated you can only be in your togs

if your toes are touching the sand. How are you going to get to the sand, though? I'm not walking down in pants and getting changed down there. You are. You have to. No, thank you, ma'am. Yes, you have to, according to 24%. That's a quarter of people.

You've got to be at the beach. Okay. 30% then said it's not offensive to cross the road to buy an ice cream or a cold drink from the dairy.

Go to the dairy or the store over the road. Absolutely. Yes. But then stipulated that you have to get right back to the beach after you've got your ice cream.

Otherwise, you've crossed a bit of a social line. But also, they're talking about not only bikinis but budgie smugglers. Budgie smugglers.

Yeah. So going like, not even like if you were wearing a rashie and some boardies. Yeah. Different. Yeah. They're talking about bikinis and budgie smugglers. You speedos.

Do you speedo when you swim? In the pool, but not at the beach. No way at the beach. Cause you swim for fitness. Yeah. You wear a speedo. Yeah.

But I would never. He fully goes nude at the beach. He will only attend a beach where nudity is accepted. At the beach, I've just got like swimming, normal swimming shorts. I can't imagine you in a speedo. How does he pack it in there? I think he rolls it up. It's big, but it's very

spongy from what I've heard. Malleable. The reviews indicate it's been thoroughly thrashed. Calm it down. It's been thoroughly thrashed. Calm it down. It's been thrashed to the point it can't be rolled up and stored. You will never see me. I was thinking of maybe getting into swimming.

We can do some lanes together, but just don't look. You're going to do that? Fuck. I'll get an eyeful. I'll get some long ones. Okay. Like bike shorts. Yeah.

You've already got a long one. We've established that. What do you mean you're going to get a long one?'ve established that what do you mean they get a long one the pants carry on yeah yeah gotcha I would sue for defamation oh boo hoo

the rumour going around is you've got a massive one we would be in a court of law and they'd say Mr Fletcher's prosecution please present your case and they'd be like

the defendant allegedly said that my client has a massive spongy wang. How offending. I will say defamation. The judge will say, order in my courtroom.

Order in my courtroom. Case dispelled. Case dispelled. Okay, 19% of people in the survey of how appropriate is it to wear a bikini outside the beach said it's okay to go for a stroll in your bikini or your budgie smuglies, but the furthest you can wander is one block. Okay.

So that kind of goes with the undies togs. 300 metres. 300 metres. And then 27% of Aussies argued that people can wear their togs anywhere they like. Even into like a mall. Into a Westfields. I mean, technically that's what you did when you went and got a pedicure.

I did. A mani, mani pedi. I think it was at a Westfield. I was with other girls. I was with other girls and we were all in our togs, but with a towel. Yeah, still that's a bit trashy. It's trash, straight trash. I'm not trying to say I'm not trash.

Yeah. Believe me. So there you go. Summer's on its way. We're going to be getting the keenies not trash. Yeah. Believe me. So there you go. Summer's on its way. We're going to be getting the keenies out soon. Yeah. And just take it into account. What feels appropriate to you?

May not be. May not be appropriate to everyone else. Yesterday, I went into my barbers. The barbers I always go to. It's a bit of a walk-in situation. You can book, but sometimes you just walk in. And sometimes you can walk in and if there's a line, you jump on your phone. And while you're waiting in line, you can book and you'll skip the queue.

It's a really – Oh, my God. It's an interesting situation. That sounds like a mess. When you do the walk-in, now there's a guy there with a beard. Now when you've got a beard, you want a guy with a beard to do your beard because he's a beard brother.

He's a bearded brother. He knows what the beard's and I'll say it and it's not racist because it's a compliment. Middle Eastern barbers know what they're doing when it comes to a beard. When I do the bake off with Pax Asadi, a Middle Eastern man, he goes to a Middle Eastern bar. It's like art.

It is. It is. They love a clean line. But also, they know exactly what you're after. You describe it. You know, they can do a rough line. They can do a clean line. Is this the barber that gave you a bit of a Craig David one day?

No, no, no. We've never been back to that barber. We've never been back to that barber. We've never been back to that barber. Just went real low. Went too low on the cheek. Went too low on the cheek and looked like a Craig David strap head. Never been back. Never been back.

That was a great day though. That was a good day for us. That was a good day for us. I was so shitty. It grew back. It only took like a week before the Craig David lines kind of like blurred into the regrowth. But oh my gosh, it was just like, you've got to be kidding me. I look like Craig David. Which is fine if you're Craig David, but not if you're Vaughn Smith.

And so yesterday I'm waiting in queue and the dude I want to do my beard is like wrapping up. And I'm like, cool, I've timed it perfectly. I'm going to get my bearded brother. And then this guy comes back from a lunch break this young guy that I've seen there before primarily doing like kids haircuts and like very standard um haircuts for trims and he's new and uh then he's like oh hey mate uh jump up and I'm like oh no no I don't want you I was only like a minute off uh so I get in his seat and he puts the cape around me and he's like, just the beard today? I said, what else is there to do?

Because they don't shave your head. You do that. You can get it shaved, bro. Rocked in with a fresh chrome done. Yeah. And so I was like, ah, yeah, what else is there to do? And then he's like, cool, cool. And he pulled out the little buzzer because he said, oh, what do you do?

I said, I fade it in from the bald head and then keep a bit of length down here and refresh the lines. He's like, cool, cool. So he pulls out the buzzer to start doing the fade and he's got a shake in his hand. Oh, no. He's shaking. Why is he shaking?

Because he's nervous. I think I might be his first beard. Oh, mate. Oh, no. You're not a guinea pig. He's nervous. And I'm like, oh, no, this is gonna go. But I tell you what,

I'll jump to the end of the story. I'm gonna Christopher Nolan this. I'll jump to the end of the story and then jump back into the middle of the story. Here I am alive. I'm not. And the beard doesn't look I'm pretty pleased with how the beard came out. You look good. Is there a spinning top? Because I still don't understand the spinning top from that movie. Yeah, what's the spinning top mean?

Oh, from Inception. Yeah. Yeah, when he started the beard trim, he spun the top and then at the end I forgot to say if it was still spinning or if it had fallen over. So maybe I'm living in a level of the simulation. But then, so he's nervous and he's doing it and I'm like, he's doing okay, he's going

very slowly, which is fine. I hate it when they go slow though because then I'm like, you don't know what you're doing. I'd rather he took his time. Yep. And got it done. So then it gets to the part where he freshens up the lines and they do that with like a disposable switchblade, like an old school Sweeney Todd barber blade.

And he pulls that out and then I am, and he's like, I'll just get you to lean your head back. So I put my head back and he's like doing the thing under my throat. I'm like, this is it. This is it. I'll just get you to lean your head back. So I put my head back and he's like doing the thing under my throat. I'm like, this is it. This is it. I don't tell you what. It wasn't.

And he did fine. And at the end, he's like, how does that look? I was like, eh, good. We're good. Was he shaking when he was doing the switchblade? I shut my eyes. I just put my head back and I shut my eyes. And I was like, if I die, this is how I die.

God, we're happy you're alive. I'm, well, here I am. I'm alive. I didn't die. Alive and looking good. Otherwise, you might have to get on the, you would have had to be on the radio show after a few weeks off with one of those voice boxes. Oh, yeah.

Flashborn and Hayley. It would be like. Zodam. But would it, no, because I was thinking, you know, when you, it'd be, you guys would say something and I'd be like, oh, I've got a little joke to chuck in there if I had to type it out and I'd press enter, but it would be, you know, gone. It'd be too late. That's when I think you have to move into scripted comedy.

We'd probably be stuck with you though, because we'd have to like. Oh, you couldn't get rid of me. Imagine getting rid of the guy with no voice just because he didn't have a voice anymore. You'd be cancelled. You'd all be cancelled. I don't want that. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley. Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley.

It's 10. I'm going to round up to 11 minutes past 7 because I'm very precise. You are. Yeah. Bold of you to do a rounding up. I won't talk until it's 11 past either. There's another 15 seconds is all. Why?

Because you called it too early. Yeah, you rounded it up. I rounded it up. I rounded called it too early. Yeah, you rounded it up. I rounded it up. I rounded it up. Everyone shush. I rounded it up. 20 seconds. Shut your mouth.

Tag Heuer doesn't round up, all right? That's the only. Omega timekeepers don't round up. It's 11 past 7. Fantastic. Fletchbourne and Hayley. Now, I'm. Listen, you know I've been in a bit of a fashion rut.

I think the last couple of years I'm all over the show. I'm lost. And the other day I was getting my hair done with my beautiful friend and hairdresser, Shari, and we were like, man, we've got to get back to ourselves. Well, who are we? You've got a great vintage shirt today. Goosebumps. It's Goosebumps.

R.L. Stine Goosebumps. R.L. Stine Goosebumps, yeah. This is great. I wouldn't say you're in a fashion rut. I'm in a fashion, this is a fashion moment. Yeah, yeah. We should do that for Friday rankings. Best R.L. Stine, oh, I know, because I'm thinking of Paul Jennings.

We could probably just do, like, best childhood authors. Because, man, Paul Jennings wrote a great book, like, Uncanny. What was the one? Not J.K. Rowling. There was another. Best Ashton Scholastic book. Who was the girlies one? And she did the, not J. Not JK Rowling Best Ashton Scholastic book Who was the girlies one Not JK Rowling

You know Jacqueline Wilson Thank you very much Let's do this What books did she do Just like girls Young girls tween books Babysitter's Club

We'll do that Final rankings Girls, young girls, tween books. Babysitter's Club. No, not quite that. We'll do that. Okay, final rankings. Anyway, so I was there and then we were like, you know what the aesthetic is? We were like, we've got to get back to being hot. And then we were like, I think I've got the capacity to be hotter than a lot of people. I mean, wow, that's a big call. Jeez, rate yourself.

I was like, no, I don't think I could be the hottest person, but I think I could be a lot hotter than a lot of people. But I've just been like not really doing anything about it. You've been putting in the effort to be hot. I've been putting in the money to be hot. Now going back to blonde was step one. And then sorting out the wardrobe thing. And she was like, I follow this chick.

Because we were like, why are we pretending like we're flowery girls? We're metal girls. And I was like, I want to be a metal girl with money this bougie metal aesthetic so then she told me this person that I should follow on Instagram called Sammy Jeffcoat

who is a bougie goth and I was like this is the aesthetic and one of the things she rocks in a lot of her looks is a leather beret and it's got me thinking One of the things she rocks in a lot of her looks is a leather beret. And it's got me thinking maybe I need to get a leather beret. What? No.

You look like you're in the leather armed forces of France. Well, beautiful. Yeah, she looks like a sexy, kinky French operative in World War II. Beautiful Shannon at the social media desk has photoshopped a photo of me where I was looking my best. Peak lesbian, I called it. Was that your peak lesbian face? Yeah, and she's photoshopped a leather beret on. That's very good photoshopping.

She's actually done really well. I didn't know where that was. I didn't know where that was photoshopped. That's photoshopped. I don't own a leather beret. I didn't know where that was. I didn't know where that was photoshopped. That's photoshopped. I don't own a leather beret. Yeah. I don't own a leather beret. Kind of, it goes more, it looks more like a chef's, leather chef's hat, doesn't it?

Well, you know, we'll work on the style of the beret. Also, is that my kitchen? That's my kitchen. That's your kitchen. That's before we went to the Pie Awards. Amazing. Love that. I'm drinking Prosecco from your beautiful Prosecco glasses.

Yeah, fantastic. Now, I think this elevated metal goth, but she wears like Gucci, this is where we're heading. This is where I'm going to, this is where we're going. Right. So you want us to tell you if you look good in a leather beret. I would like a poll to go up on Instagram on the FVHZM page. I believe it's up.

It's up. It's up. I didn't have the company data anymore because apparently we're poor. It was 50-50. Please don't speak about the company like that. I'm just saying. That's insider trading. Then that's insider trading.

Someone who works at the company says the company's poor. We're not poor, but just give me 20 more gigs of data. It's 50-50 at the company says the company's poor, that's considered true. Okay, we're not poor. We're not poor, but just give me 20 more gigs of data. I'm going to say 50-50 at the moment, Sproul. Now, Zara, I see, does a faux leather beret. It's not. It's just gone to, yes, 45, maybe not Han 55.

Shoot, come on, guys. Get on there and vote, because I think I want to buy this leather beret. Now, before I commit to a leather beret, I could buy a faux leather beret from Zara, 45-90, to get the vibe going before I commit to leather. To actual leather I could buy a faux leather beret from Zara $45.90 to get the vibe going before I commit to leather. To actual leather. Because I don't pleather.

I'm sorry to the vegan listeners, but I don't pleather. You don't pleather, yeah. And it's not the elevated, high-end goth aesthetic that I think I'm going to really lean into over summer. I don't know if this is you. Imagine, little vintage metal tee, little cut-off denim shorts with Doc Martens and a leather beret.

I really think it's happening. And then I've got my yellow, you know, Las Vegas glasses. She wore a full leather beret. Yes, just like the song. Because she didn't want to dedicate to full leather. Full leather beret. So you can vote on our Instagram or follow this up. I think we'll follow this up

tomorrow to see if you're a leather beret person. And I tell you what if the voting goes in favour of me becoming a leather beret woman I'll buy one. But if the people are honestly like this is not you. Then I won't go there. You won't go there. What will you go, what will your

new aesthetic be then? Well, I'm thinking I'm going to go with the same aesthetic, but I'm thinking a body harness. What? Okay. I'm thinking a harness. Just a black leather suit. Because I recently learned that harnesses of different colours mean different things. Oh, what does the black one mean?

They do in the gay community, yeah. What does the black one mean? Bondage. Gay harness. I think this is an off-air conversation. Let me... I don't know. Gay. I don't know. I think this is an off-air conversation. Okay, we'll keep this for off-air. We are 94 days, 16 hours, and 39 39 minutes and two seconds away from Christmas. I'm so excited to get my Christmas tree. I sent you a link to a lovely pink Christmas tree the other day.

No, I'm not going tacky. I'm going to have a very elegant, eclectic home. I need to find some Like vintage Baubles Vintage baubles You know like Like little Like cool Retro

Retro I'm gonna trade me Retro baubles Well With a lot of Reports of Christmas Pouring in Yes you'll

Be familiar If you're a Long time listener Of the show Especially to It's beginning to look A lot like Christmas Wilson

Is a No Wilson's a Wilson's a long-time listener, long-time contributor. I don't think we ring the bell for that. I take the bell ringing back. I'm sorry. You know, Wilson used to live in Wellington, and Wilson would report on Wellington's Christmas. I believe Wilson's made the move to the Big Smoke,

and he's working at EB Games, and he said it's even got into our nerddom. You can get the Lego Advent calendars are out, and Harry You can get the Lego advent calendars are out. Harry Potter and Star Wars Lego advent calendars are out. I've never had a Lego advent calendar and I really, really want one. Oh, that's great. You slowly build like a Lego scene over. It's better than chocolate because most advent calendar chocolate is harsh.

If we were any more than just work acquaintances, we'd probably buy you a Lego. Do you know, I was just thinking we should get that for him, but then I was like, but for a workmate? Yeah. Yeah, no, no, no, no, no, no. I wouldn't expect that. And then it would be uncomfortable. I'd feel like I'd have to probably put some thought or effort into you guys.

Yeah, we don't do Christmas gifts. And just work acquaintances. Yeah, I do it for mates and stuff, but just for like work colleagues. Yes. Don't think, it's probably appropriate thank you for identifying exactly where our acquaintanceship ends Craig and Tuako got in touch, now am I

correct in saying we earlier in the week had a caller, that was where the caller who was tased in front of his kitten shit his pants was from as well, I believe, our caller of the week our caller of the week Craig Caller of the week. Caller of the week, yes. Craig sent a photo in, and it is someone in his neighbourhood, because this has taken out the window, but, oh,

that window might be a conservatory. This might be his neighbours that he's spying on already have a Christmas tree on their front porch. Oh, no. So that's not even sort of like a commercial entity at this stage. That's personal use of Christmas, which will spike Christmas penetration heavily because most of the Christmas penetration we see at this time of the year and before now, obviously, heavily in the commercial sector.

For example, Hannah Sinton, she got a sponsored post from Typo that said August is over, September doesn't count, then it's Halloween. So basically it's already Christmas. The Typo Christmas shop is here. I know it's early, but we like to be organised. Start shopping at Typo.com today for Christmas things. Typo. That's a free plug for Typo.

That's a freebie. Typo loves a holiday. Yeah, they do. Don't they? Yeah. And they love three cards for $12. I'm putting swear words on the cards. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Merry effing Christmas. Yeah, that sort of thing. Hayley messaged in from Rolleston, which is interesting because... Prison or the suburb? Pardon me? The prison or the suburb? Prison. She was on day release.

Okay. To go into the suburb, which is nice, which is interesting because she's Hayley from Rolleston and we've got Hayley from Rangiora on the show. No, I'm not from Rangiora. I'm from Wellington. I know. I'm pretty sure your birth certificate says Rangiora.

Yeah, it does. It does. Pretty sure I'm getting that changed. I'm actually in Wellington. I'll just ask. Is Hayley from here? No, she's from Rangiora. Okay.

I thought so too. Her consciousness, her soul was born in Wellington. She said that I have another report of Bunnings with the Christmas lights out. Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah, you always need more because she screencapped that from the Christchurch Christmas light display enthusiasts Facebook group. Oh, wow. Is that like you would join that page and then like go and have a nose at their lights?

Or drive around. Or drive around. Yeah, I think they might put together a little amateur situation. This one also from Rolleston. Hey, it's Hayley again. Again, not to be confused with Hayley on the show who's from Arangiora, another Canterbury suburb, small town that starts with R. The main freight Christmas show parade.

With just a couple of months to go, we're trying something different this year to get the word out about our new look parade and festival. Keep an eye out for our bus backs coming to a street near you from October 1st. Spread the word. We have a very limited marketing budget and need your help to grow our Facebook page and let the whole city know the parade is back

with so much more. Wow. Well, here you go. This is a free one. Christmashowparade.co.nz That's for the people that can go to the main freight Christmas show parade.

Hayley in Rolleston seems to follow a lot of Christmas based pages. She is really getting in there and putting in the effort. She is, yeah. Kelsey said,

on a personal note, I would like to contribute to It's Beginning to Look A Lot Like Christmas by saying our work just sent out a save the date

for a Christmas party. Oh, yes. Well, yeah, we for a Christmas party. Oh, yes. Well, yeah, we do a Christmas party. Yeah, we normally do. Well, because I couldn't go. I know. I haven't been able to go the last couple of times. Right. Team player, they call it. Hayley Sproul, team player. Team player. Yeah. Yeah. I tell you who

has been, they're me. And that just really shows what a terrible team player you are. I know. If even Vaughn's there. Yeah. And finally, Naomi messaged in that Kmart has engaged all Christmas cannons because underneath the sign that says lingerie or lingerie, I don't know if you can say that on air. Lingerie.

Do you need me to explain that to your children? Yeah, how are you supposed to explain that women wear underwear? Yeah, so it's underwear, basically. Oh, goodness, okay. It's just a French word for underpants. Please, cover up. Oh, my God. Please, put on your turtleneck, women.

Cover right up from ankles to throat. In the lingerie section, there seems to be some sort of confusion as there's non-lingerie items in the lingerie section, and they're all Christmas sleeping t-shirts. Oh gosh. Sort of the Grinch that stole Christmas. Winnie the Pooh and Friends. Winnie Pooh? Winnie the Pooh and Friends. Oh Winnie Pooh. Same same different.

Yeah yeah yeah. Same same different. All on t-shirts in a Christmas theme. Okay. So with all that in mind and 94 days away from Christmas. Dasher, Dancer get your reins on. Christmas penetration is at... 31%.

It is beginning to look a lot like Christmas. While we're all, you know, doing our bit to help the planet. Yeah. Aren't we? We're trying, at least. And one family's... My family and I have been recycling for 10 years. Yes.

Good for you, man. We're not talking politics this political season, but that was the highlight of my leaders' debate the other night. 10 years, yeah. We've been, yeah, climate change, me and my family have been recycling for about ten years. Yeah, wow. Hasn't recycling been a thing for about 40 years? Well, I'm 33 and we've been doing it

my whole life, so that's good. Anyway, there was one family who decided that their contribution, and it was led by the wife, was to become vegan. So she was like, I'm going to go vegan and that's fine. And then the husband said, great, we'll eat vegan at home,

but if I'm out and stuff, I might still have a bit of meat. That was their deal. It was fine. Then their kid, they decided, they went to their healthcare professional, and they said, you know, can we raise our son vegan? And they gave it the A-OK and said, make sure he eats this and this and this.

So they decided to raise their kid vegan. Now a few years later, the father was going through his son's bag and he found a bunch of non-vegan treats and burger wrappers. Atta boy. In his bag. And the husband was like,

well, I don't want my son to feel like he has to eat in secrecy. So he started sneaking non-vegan food to his son and was like, just between you and me. Okay. Just between you and me. I'm going to let you do this. I don't want you spending your pocket money on these snacks and throwing out vegan snacks. I just want my wife to be happy and think that we're

all being vegan. And that's what we're going to do. Now, recently the mum found out. How did that go down? She flipped. She called her an animal. Um, and then that's what we're going to do it. Now, uh, recently the mom found out. Okay. How did that go down? She flipped.

Okay. Yeah. She, um, called her an animal. I called him an animal abuse enabler. Okay. Wow. And a few other names and said, I was corrupting the son. Uh, and now the debate online's like, I think the dad's done the right thing. You know, you know, like a child, you know, they want to eat meat, they can eat meat and

all this kind of stuff. But he cheated essentially on this family diet. I just think, I think it'd be quite a fun little bonding experience between father and son. Be sneaky behind mum's back. I mean, that's just any, it's quite cool to be the parent that you're doing something like sneaky. Yeah, totally.

Okay, don't tell mum. And it doesn't have to be cheating on a diet, but it's always good fun. Your kids are at the age now where they will keep a lie, though, eh? Yeah, they'll keep a secret. You say, don't tell mum we went to Nonny's. Dad bought me nuggies.

And you're like, shut up. Yeah. They'll say it straight away. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But I do love when a couple will be like, okay, our wedding's coming, or summer's coming, we're gonna, you know, eat well. We're going to, you know, we're going to have salads every night for dinner.

This is me and Aaron. Someone cheats on the way home and gets a burger or fries. Literally, I will get into Aaron's truck and we'll be like, right, we're on the straight and narrow. We're going to do this. We're going to go on a little diet. We're going to get it sorted.

And then I get into his truck and I'm like, excuse me, Mrs. Max. What, you find a pie wrapper? Pie wrappers. And I'm always like, we're doing a thing. Or keto. I'm always like, when I chuck us on keto, I'm always like, you've got to do it too, it's easier for me.

And then I'll always find little bloody sausage roll pastry bags, you know, from the bakery and stuff. Well, he's a working man. He's a working man. He needs more than butter and eggs. Maybe he's not eating the pastry, he's a working man. He's a working man. He needs more than butter and eggs. Maybe he's not eating the pastry. He's just eating the meat out the middle. Han, he's eating the pastry.

Yeah, he is. What, you're telling me that you're going to go to the bakery? I'm just trying to help a guy out. I want to know, when did you cheat on the diet? Who did you keep it secret from? Why did you feel the need to cheat? Not just cheat on your own diet for yourself, but maybe you had to keep it a secret from someone

that you were no longer. Maybe you signed up to some work fitness thing or. Maybe you're a vegetarian, but you went to a barbecue and you had a sausage. Does the wife need to know? No. Does your animal activist group need to know? It was a beautiful pork sausage.

We want to know when you have cheated on a diet because a vegan family, secretly the son and the husband were having little meaty bits. Meaty bits. Going out for little

father-son burgers behind the wife's vegan back. But it is really cheating on your partner, isn't it? It is a bit of a cheat. It's a deceit.

Yeah. Anonymous joins us. Anonymous, good morning. You cheated? Somewhat. She's like us. Anonymous, good morning. You cheated? Somewhat. She's like, I didn't kiss another man. It just depends on the viewers' eyes. Okay, so what was,

who were you, you decided with your partner you were going to do some kind of eating diet? Yeah, both some of that. We're off to a holiday in November, so we're both trying to be a little bit good because it's a sunny holiday. Yeah, I fill up on the way to work, so we're both trying to be a little bit good because it's a sunny holiday. So, yeah, I fill up on the way to work, so I always think, well, you know,

what food do you get from the gas station? Mostly donuts for me. It doesn't really count as long as I've got all day to eat and dispose of the evidence before I get home. And also, that donut would be absorbed into the price of the fuel, wouldn't it? Because you'd just be like, one transaction. I used to do this on diets.

I would go to the petrol station because you're like, you'd see like Caltex, $100 and something. Yes, they put a Turkish delight in there. We don't need to know that. I know, and you can't resist it either. So it doesn't really count. It's in the fuel, so it just kind of all goes together. Has your partner said, like, have you been good?

Did you lie to your partner? He just asked when I get home, like, oh, are you, like, you know, hungry? What's good? I'm like, oh, I'm not hungry yet mostly because I'm still, you know, quite full from the day of all my treats. So kind of gaslight him a little, I guess. Oh my God. Wait, so is it going to get

to November and you're going to be at this sunny getaway holiday and this dude is going to be absolutely ripped and I'm not saying you're not going to be, but I mean, my God. Wait, so is it going to get to November and you're going to be at this sunny getaway holiday and this dude is going to be absolutely ripped and I'm not saying you're not going to be, but, I mean, come on, you're putting donuts and stuff and you're going to be like, and then because I deal with women, I know how this is going to be, then you're going to be shitty at him

because he's looking good and you're not as good. I hate it. I hate it when Aaron gets ripped and I didn't keep up. Yeah, especially when he's like, well, it goes against, you're already at the gym, so it's kind of defeating the purpose. Yeah. Well, he doesn't need to know then goes against, you're already at the gym, so it's kind of defending the purpose. Yeah. Well, he doesn't need to know then, you know?

Also, eat the donuts, babe. Get the donuts. I love that. Just don't be angry at him because he didn't, all right? On behalf of men everywhere. Yeah, we say that. Anonymous, thank you.

Some messages in. So many vegetarians breaking their little... I know. But okay, here's one because this is interesting. I'm a vegetarian, but my partner goes hunting. Oh. So he comes back with delicious venison.

Yeah. Now, I'll have a little taste of that. Surely it's not bad if it's free in range and helping with pest control. Are deers pests? Yeah, they are. Deers are an invasive species. They make a real mess. That's why you've got to hunt them, keep the numbers down.

Nom them up then. Yeah, nom, nom, nom. Help us out. Nom it up. I had a mate of Indian heritage who didn't eat beef for religious reasons. Of course. When we'd had a few too many lemonades, he'd have a Big Mac on the usual Mac as we ran after him in town.

Yes. It was always a secret between him and Ronald. Say a little prayer afterwards. You'll be all right. Yeah. You'll be all right. Yeah. You'll be all right. Yeah. Morning, Tame.

I'm a type 1 diabetic, but I have a blue V almost every day. Hang on, I don't know if that's cheating on a doctor. Doctor, you said. They're cheating on their doctor. They said despite the doctor and the partner having no idea and telling me I had to knock it off.

Oh, no, I don't know if that, yeah, that'll be spiking your blood sugars, won't it? Oh, my God. My wife doesn't eat cured yeah, that'll be spiking your blood sugars, won't it? Oh, my God. My wife doesn't eat cured meat, so my daughter and I always have a car ham on the way home from the supermarket. Car ham.

I have car ham. I love car ham. Car ham. Car ham's so good. You've got to dispose of the plastic bag, though. Out the window? You can't just jam that in the car. Not out the window.

Finger it between the seats. And you push it right down into the wheelie bin. Yeah, yeah. This is so good. Someone messaged saying, I busted my partner last night. I'm away for work and we're supposed to be on a healthy eating buzz.

He sent me a video of something in his car, but I forgot to hide his fast food wrappers that were on the floor. I didn't tell him that I had also had Domino's for dinner. So they're both cheating on each other. We'll just forget to mention that. Play ZM's

Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley. We love girl math. You love girl math. We had girl dinner. I'm not a fan of girl dinner, but girl dinner is just girls making weird dinners. Now on TikTok, it's girl hand. Girl hand and people are going like, everyone's got girl hand.

This is girl hand, right? I've got in my hand, I've got my phone, my keys, my glasses and my wallet. Is that because you lost your handbag? Because I lost my bloody handbag. God knows where that is. And this is girl hand. And this is women at all times leaving the gym, going to their cars or anything. Yes.

And this looks instantly recognisable, isn't it? Yeah, okay, so that's girl hand. So a girl hand is when a woman holds her hand like a claw and puts as many things in it as possible. And is this because like you don't utilise pockets like us lads do? Because we don't get pockets. What do you mean you don't?

You've got pockets now. I do have pockets today, but a lot of our clothes don't have pockets. So we have to utilise girl hand. Because you don't get pockets. What do you mean you don't get, you've got pockets now. I do have pockets today, but a lot of our clothes don't have pockets. We have to utilise girl hand. Because you don't take your handbag everywhere sometimes. You've just got to have it all. Yeah. Did you know this was a thing, Vaughan?

Yeah, I've seen it and it always ends up on the ground. It's all like, I can do this. And I've not seen it done for any amount of time before something slips out. Or if your keys are, you've got the key ring on your finger like a ring because then of course it doesn't require grip it's just hanging and you need to get the keys out and everything's going to be put down and then something falls out and then the water bottle's always like padong padong padong yeah now girl hand that's why the frank greens have got that because they've got the little rubber string yeah and then you're hanging the keys as well i mean yeah you can fit so much more into girl hand these days. Girlies, Shannon and Carween, do you guys girl hand?

Absolutely. I do this like every day. And I've got five fingers for a reason, you know? Big in the supermarket as well. I'll go, no basket today. Oh my gosh, same. No basket. No basket.

No basket. And then I'll like hook a broccoli through these two fingers. Then a halloumi. Then let it get cold. A capsicum here. Yeah. But you can always make it work until you get to like the juice aisle or something. Now bottle of A capsicum here. Yeah, but you can always make it work until you get to like the juice aisle or something.

No, bottle of wine under the armpit. Yeah, under the armpit. And then it gets a bit slippy because I'm wearing satin. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But it always works. Always trust in girl hand. Wow, to put wine under the armpit. Oh, every time.

That's a big, yeah, danger. Yeah, I've definitely done it before. Couple of bots under each pit. Girl hands. Spot the heavy drinker as opposed to the Shannon who's just after one bottle. She's going to the juice aisle. I've got a couple of prozzies in the pits. Louise, good morning.

Hello, how are you? Good, good. Really bloody good, mate. Are you ready to try and win some cash? Yes, I am. Are you a bit of a gambler? Do you like to take a risk? No, no, not normally.

No, I think it's safe. Because some people play it safe with cashy. And they get to 200 and they're like, stop. Some people like go for five. But don't discourage it because if we say go to 500, because we don't know where it goes off, Louise. We learn it as you do. I know.

I know. It's scary. And then sometimes it goes off super early and sometimes late. Okay, well, Louise, it is up to you. Are you ready? Bam. Ready. Go. 42. Are you ready? And... Ready! Go!

42! Everyday's payday! 87! Yahoo! 128! A tasty cheese is on me! 189! Woo!

245! Ready! 298! I'm filling up with 95. $353. A-woo! Nope. Oh!

$353. $353, Louise. That's a good amount. It is good, actually. Yeah, I could hear the four, but that's okay. It's better than nothing. I'm happy. Yeah, $353.

That's a good amount of money. All right, let's see how high cash you would have gone. $111. Cash money. $476. Uh-oh. $521. Look out!

$579. I'm getting three-four this week. $623. Whee! $687. I bought artisanal sausages. $742. I'm not even going to check the price of this.

Oh, Louise. That went high today. Oh, it did. That's okay. $742. But you got... $353. That's bloody good actually.

Amazing. Thanks so much. That's a good amount. Louise, congrats. Clay, Zed Eames, Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley. You need to mute your thing, mate. What are you wearing? I just found a pair of glasses.

It's so funny when you put on somebody else's glasses and they just absolutely... Like this is when your dad... Does your dad ever borrow your mum's glasses? Yes, all the time. Oh, can we know his pets? Yeah, yeah. I don't have my glasses.

Can I borrow yours? And they pop them on. You look like one of those pets? Yeah, yeah. I don't have my glasses. Can I borrow yours? And they pop them on me. You look like one of those old ladies out of a Far Side cartoon. Yes, you do. Oh, my God. Too good. Vaughn joins us from our Wellington studios today. Yeah, you're a silly boy.

I'm having fun. I'm having fun. I'm off to Government House soon. I better get into my suit soon. Watch out, ladies. Yeah, yeah, squeeze it in. Now, there was... Thumb it in.

Beg your pardon? Thumb it in. Well, you said yourself thatumb it in. Beg your pardon? Thumb it in. Well, you said yourself that it was... It was snug. It was snug. No, I said I did try on... I said I don't know why I bought so many suits when I was at my thinnest.

Oh, you're wearing your fat suit today. Well, it's model dimensions. It's Barker's model dimensions. That's right, it's the model dimensions. Yeah, well, can't argue with that. The guy at Barker's said, are you a model? Yeah, to be fair. Now, there was American football.

People love the Iowa Hawkeyes beat the Western Michigan. The crowds at American football. It's just Iowa, I think. Iowa. This is like when Fletch calls it Illinois. Iowa. And Arkansas. Arkansas.

But football, college football in America is nuts. The stadiums, they're as big as All Blacks games. Tens of thousands of people watch these things. Dude, it's way more than All Blacks games.

It's like the big college games get 100,000 people piece of cake. That's nuts. Crazy, eh? So one of the Iowa, Iowa. Yeah.

Iowa cheerleaders. Thank you. Iowa. It's not Iowa. It's Iowa. Iowa, Iowa. Yeah. Iowa cheerleaders. Thank you. Iowa. It's not Iowa. It's Iowa. It's Iowa in the middle. It's Iowa. No, you don't pronounce that way.

You just run through. Iowa. Iowa. No, it's a diphthong. Anyway, one of the cheerleaders was like, and they were all like celebrating and stuff. And he's one of the acrobats. And he goes, slap.

And he run, run, run. And he does to do a triple blip, blip, blip, mid ear his pants come off and they literally like slip from his waist to his ankles in the middle of the air and then he lands and like quickly like embarrassingly like fumble fumble fumble tries to pull his pants up and then runs back to the group but all the cheerleaders are laughing all the crowd is laughing 40 40,000 people. Yeah. So this isn't like your 100,000 Texas stadium. This is 40,000 still a lot of people. Still saw this and

they're laughing at you. He's mid-ear, pants body out. Pants down in the ankles. Body in front of 40,000 people. Do you know what? He still managed to land the thing. Even with his pants down. He still managed the land the thing. Even with his pants down? He shipped the landing. Wow, okay.

But pants were down and it just didn't, it wasn't cool and it was really embarrassing. I want to know when you've accidentally flashed someone when this has happened.

Because I remember once one of my favourite theatre stories. I was on stage and it was this sort of interactive thing. You guys would hate it. Okay, yeah.

It was an interactive thing and this guy kind of came up on stage and he was like sort of interactive thing. You guys would hate it. Okay, yeah. It was an interactive thing, and this guy kind of came up on stage, and he was like acting the goat. You know when people get a chance? You say theatre, but it sounds to me like you're describing a hypnotism show. No, it wasn't that. He got up to sort of like play along,

and he didn't realise that his pants had split, and the crowd started laughing, and then he was like, they like me. They really like me. And so it kept going harder and harder and harder and then everyone was laughing. It was so good.

His whole ass was out. That was what we were laughing at. And that's why. They like me. They really like me. Oh my God, I get it. The stage. Anyway, I want to know

when you've accidentally flashed someone, maybe something popped out. Have you ever, this probably wouldn't happen I want to know when you've accidentally flashed someone, maybe something popped out. Have you ever, I don't know, this probably wouldn't happen to you, but when you wear togs and you get out of the pool, but they pull? I had definitely. I definitely had my ass out trying to get out of a pool. When I was in Bali, we went to one of those water parks

and all the slides, every time, your whole top is like up and then you're just breasts out and fumbling in the water every time. That's enough to put up! And then you're just breasts out and fumbling in the water every time. That's enough to put you in prison in Bali, isn't it? I know, I'm lucky I even got home. But yeah, I've definitely flashed a boob from jumping in. Especially what was in your suitcase. Oh, I know.

You didn't know, did you? That was illegal to take to Bali. Just a boogie board. When did you accidentally flash? Something popped out when it wasn't supposed to. Maybe you fell over, the pants came down. Pants came down. Maybe you split the skirt and you were wearing a G.

Don't wear a G under a skirt. That's a different conversation. 0800 DALS at M. We want to take your calls now. Text through 9696. When did you accidentally flash the world? Yep. The more people, the better.

Exactly. Bigger crowd. We're getting some internal stories that well, perhaps we could share that one. We want to know when you've accidentally flashed a large amount of people. Yeah. We asked on Instagram as well. Ash said

swimming. I was playing water volleyball. Came up out of the water to hit the ball. Of course, when you come up out of the water, the tog's got a bit of drag. Top came down. Titties came out. Her words. Her words. Not mine.

They do that. They've got a habit of doing that. Yeah, they do. A lot of bounce. Clarice, after she put Hannibal Lecter in prison, said said I was on an escalator and my dress got caught

and ripped it and the whole top of my dress got pulled down oh my I remember once we did a phone and topic

escalator injuries that was that was wild I remember the stories from that day you've got to be so careful on the escalator

so just pinched it and went like yeah just grabbed it instead of sucking it in. She was at a mall though, right? So she just get a new dress. Go buy a new dress. Pop a doddy. Kick the stop

button, take what you can and go get a new dress. On stage, someone stepped on my long skirt and it came down bright pink underwear too. Oh no. Alan said, well, getting off a horse so you know how you get off a horse, you kind of like chuck a leg over and I guess you lean on the horse and slide off the saddle to the ground.

Yeah. I was getting off a horse and my top of my bra got caught on the saddle. So then when I slid off the horse, my top got pulled up and then my arms were stuck up on the horse and everything else was just hanging out. With your bamps out. That's so good. Oh, my God, that's so great. I love that.

Let's take some calls. Sarah, when did you accidentally flash everybody? When I was 16, I went to the surf beach for the first time and got dunked by a wave, stood up, wiping my eyes, you know, getting the water out of my eyes. Yeah. And my aunt's mother had to come over and say, Sarah, your boobs have fallen out.

All flat. Middle of summer. Oh, yeah. Those West Coast waves, they will absolutely. They destroy bikini. They do, yeah. You've got to be so careful. Yeah.

Oh, good. The next thing is, it happens the next day, too.. They do, yeah. You've got to be so careful. Yeah. Oh, good. I hope it's sustained. I hope it's the next day, too. Oh, yeah, okay. Good. If it happens three times in a row, that actually is a habit, and it's on you. Yeah, yeah. Sarah, thanks for your call.

Graham, when did you accidentally flash a lot of people? It wasn't me. I wasn't flashing. It was my wife, actually. So it's happened twice with her. More than twice, in fact. But I'll tell you the two that happened. One time, it wasn't loads of people,

but she was walking up the stairwell in her office with all of her colleagues. And she was wearing one of those elasticated skirts kind of thing. And she stepped on the skirt as she's walking up the stairs. So the skirt ended up down around her ankles with her colleagues behind her. It's so funny she's done it to herself just by stepping on it.

And the other worst one was in my Christmas function at work. So in front of all of my colleagues, she was a bit of a gymnast back in the day and she's wearing this lovely jumpsuit and she decides to do this backflip thing and followed with a splits on the dance floor. And then when she stood up and walked towards me, I was so cool doing all of that.

I said to her, can you just look at your jumpsuit? Because it's split literally from the breast all the way down, underneath the crotch, all the way up the back. Oh, my God. I love you. You are essentially nude right now. Yeah. You're wearing two half suits. Oh, no.

Wow. Also, your wife sounds like a blast, though. Oh, no, she is. She is, actually. She's a good laugh. Oh, gosh. Brilliant. Graham, thank you.

Alex, when did you accidentally flash everybody? Oh, we were on the Waiheke Ferry. Oh, darling. Oh, darling. Darling, you simply must have took the helicopter. Well, I was dressed nicely. I had a midi skirt on. Thought I would have been safe.

And, you know, everybody faces the same way. Yes. Because that's the view. Yes. And I'm facing that way also watching the view until a really big gust of wind came and I became the view. That's the thing with a midi skirt, so much more fabric. When the wind gets under it, God, she flips.

I finally see her legs. Wow. Did you show everybody your shed tan, did you? I did it all. Wow. Brilliant. Alex, thank you. Some messages in.

So many accidental flashings. We're just all human, aren't we? I got invited on the family holiday to the Gold Coast with my boyfriend at the time. On the Tower of Terror ride at Dreamworld, the G-forces pulled my top down right when the photo was being taken. I knew straight away as I felt the breeze on my nips. Sure enough.

The G-Force. The G-Force pulled my top down. How are these G-Forces? Oh, my God. How is the G-Force? Anyway, that's still science for another time. You can imagine the kid that's working the photo shack has definitely got a saved album.

Oh my god. Sure enough, we get off the ride and get the lift down to the gift store and the photo is up on the big TV except they've chucked a Dreamworld sticker across my bare chest. I would buy that photo. It'd be so funny. Also, your boobs would be sort of up.

They'd be perky because you're going down, right? Because of gravity? Yeah. And the weightlessness? Yeah. Or unless it's gone too far the other way and they're up by your face. Yeah, it depends on the size of the breast. Dancing as the maid of honour at my best friend's very

bougie Mayfair London wedding. Darling. And the strap of my dress came down and my boobs fully fell out The DJ loved it They would though The wedding DJs They know a difference

And that's a little tip Isn't it To make matters worse It's not the only wedding It's happened at You've got to tape Those puppies down Yeah

I went on a water slide At Wet n Wild On the Gold Coast And tipped off the sled At the bottom I stood up Wiped the water from my eyes And realised I'd popped a tit

Yep A couple of guys Cheered in their appearance at the bottom. I stood up, wiped the water from my eyes and realised I'd popped a tit. A couple of guys cheered and there were parents at the bottom with video cameras waiting to film their kids coming out. Some of Dad's dragged that from one folder to another. To another. Hydra Slides seemed to be the one

though. Yeah. Somebody else said they were at a Hydra Slide at a big Aussie theme park. The clip snapped on my bikini as I jumped onto it. And my boobies fell out and there was no way to fix it. The clasp was fully bugged and when I came out at the bottom it was just tits for all.

And a guy on the megaphone yelling for me to exit the slide. Love this. Oh my god. Thank you for your to exit the slide. Love this. Oh my God. Thank you for your messages. So good. Play ZM's Fletchborn and Hayley.

Fact of the Day, and we're giving you a whole lot of facts about road signs from around the world. And today we're going to Hawaii. Aloha. Aloha to you all. So today's Fact of the Day is in Hawaii there is a road sign that says at the Mauna Kea Observatory on the road to and from

beware of invisible cows. You've got to watch out for them. You just can't see them, can you? You've got to beware of these invisible cows. What are the invisible cows? I've driven in Hawaii. I never saw this sign. Did you drive to the Mauna Kea volcano?

Is this on the main island, on Honolulu? I think so. I've never been to the motherland. Haven't you? What, where Jason Momoa is from? No, I'm 1% Hawaiian, thank you. Oh, right, okay. And Jason.

Yeah. She would have said I've never been to the daddy land if she was specifically talking about the fact that Jason Barton is from there. Well, I'll take you back in history to the 1790s where a British officer gave King Kamehameha III, oh no, King Kamehameha, one of the earlier kings, a gift of cattle. Oh, lovely.

And King Kamehameha said, oh, those are good eating, but you've only given us a few, so what we're going to do is we're going to increase this population size, and I'll do that by just releasing them into this environment of which there has never had an animal of this nature in it before. Right. Okay. And I will impose the death penalty on anyone who touches those animals. Good lord. So as we can well speak to on our own Pacific Island, when you release a creature into the environment

and it's not used to being there, it can absolutely go ham and the numbers can fly. So over the next 40 years, numbers of the cows got to the point where they were destroying a lot of Hawaii. So they said, well, we're going to have to wrangle them. So they trained up. Some people came from California and trained up what they called

Hawaiian cowboys, paneolos. And then they would control and domesticate the cows, put up some fences. Took them a little while. But they still had, you'll remember he gave them a few cattle. So it started off as a five. them a little while, but they still had, you'll remember he gave them a few cattle, so it started off as a five. By 1848, there was 35,000 of them roaming.

Wow. That's a lot. Yeah. And they have to continue to eradicate them and take them out. However, due to the eradication and the ones that could escape were smaller, they've kind of evolved. The smaller cattle survived, so they would pass on those genes to the next lot of being smaller.

So eventually, over time, these have become smaller creatures. Cute. Cute. And also the ones that survived were also dark, dark in colour. So the ones that remain are a smaller, darker creature, which when they congregate and sit down on the hot asphalt roads at the end of the day to absorb the heat off the road, you just can't see them when you're driving.

Hence, invisible cows. Invisible cows. Hence, the local legend of invisible cows, because people will be driving and be like, what the hell was that? And then they get out and they've hit a cow and they're like, I didn't see it. And then, you know, people would be like, well, it was invisible. I couldn't

see it. And now that I've injured it, it lost its power to camouflage itself. So they put up road signs saying... It's covered in guts. Now I see it. Its insides are on the outside now. I don't know if your Mazda 3 would even dent a cow, to be honest. No, it would be dented.

It would just hit a wall. It would stove in the front. Yeah. Wow. Okay. So they put up a sign saying, beware of invisible cows. And all the tourists would ask, like, what's the deal with the invisible cows? So much so that the observatory now sells stickers that says, beware of invisible cows,

which is a copy of the road sign. Oh, wow. So today's fact of the day is the local legend of the invisible cows led to road signs being put up in Hawaii, warning people to drive carefully due to invisible cows. Fact of the day, day, day, day, day. Do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley. Play ZM.

I had a big day yesterday, didn't I? You did. I did three things. I was a radio presenter in the morning, I was an actor in the afternoon and a comedian at night. It was a big day. And I was heading from I was on set doing something. I can't say what it was but I was on set as an actor

doing something. She was breaking the actors union. She was a scab. Oh, you're a scab. She was working when no one else could work. I thought you were all on strike at the moment. Just not in New Zealand. Not in New Zealand.

Okay. We don't care. There's enough. We're just grateful for the work. We'll write for free and we'll act for nothing. It's fine. Exposure will be enough. Anyway, so I had done Radio All Morning and I got to this place and I had to get into costume.

So I was like, I'll do an undie change because I had a bag full of, whenever I go to a gig, I always have bags full of bra options, sucky innie options, underwear options. You don't know what you're wearing. And I did an undie change, so I had a fresh pair of knickers for a fresh job. Wait, and you got changed in the car? No, no, no, in the wardrobe area. It's all cut off and it's private.

So I got a fresh pair of undies on. Then I did a great job. Wait till you see it. Okay, yeah, right. Wait till you see it. For this unnamed project. For this unnamed project. Okay.

They say no one acts like a step-sister who got her hand stuck in the washing machine quite like Sproul. Exactly. You're not another dead person, are you? No, I'm not a dead person. Okay, all right. And I'm not a step-sister. That's just not acting, is it?

Acting dead. Not that, not that. Anyway, and then I was driving home and I've had a bit of a runny nose recently, like a funny sort of nose. By the way, you've gone through all of my tissues. I have. I've got none left now.

I know I used the last one just before. Apologies. I'll get us a box tomorrow. There you go. That's what he's wanting. He wants a fresh box. I want a fresh box. So I was driving home and I reached, like without looking, I reached into my tote bag for my

hanky. Because you know I use, I like, when I don't use your tissues, I use my dead grandfather's hankies. Yeah, see, I grew up on hankies. Yeah't use your tissues, I use my dead grandfather's hankies. Yeah, see, I grew up on hankies. Yeah, I love a hanky, I love a hanky. No, I can't anymore, the hanky. Reached into my bag, found my hanky, blew my nose, turned away to put it back in the bag, and that's when I realised I had blown my nose into my dirty undies. Hey!

Did the smell not give it away? No, luckily... Well, because you've got a blocked nose, you can't sniff. I know. Luckily, I wasn't too close. Did I say sniffing panties in the same sentence? Luckily, I wasn't too close. People said it.

I grabbed another corner of it is where I blew my nose, but I did. I blew snot into my worn undies. Yuck. You're so grim. Put them back into my bag. And it just felt like the hanky. But it definitely wasn't.

It was my dirty undies. And I just feel like I've been so grim and manky this year. It couldn't get worse. And yet it has. You are. I snotted into my dirty undies. Well done to this year. It couldn't get worse and yet it has. You are. I snotted into my dirty undies. Well done to you, ma'am. Oh, thank you very much.

It's a real moment of reflection. Yeah, I think you need a box of tissues in the car. You're not going to mistake that. No, I know. I know, I will. And I'll get a box of tissues for the studio as well. Thank you. ZM's Fletchvorn and Hayley.

Fletchvorn and Hayley, silly little pole, silly little pole. It is so silly, silly, silly that silly little pole, silly little pole, silly little pole, silly little pole. Silly little

pole. Today's silly little pole. It's one for the vapors. Did you smoke cigarettes before picking up vaping? Yeah, I was thinking about this the other day because I know people that vape, and we've spoken about this, hey, Vaughan, you've got a mate that vapes

who was never a smoker. Never a smoker. I know so many women over 40 who never smoked, maybe on the very rare occasion might have a social durry. They don't count. You know, an out-and-about dart, 40 who never smoked, maybe on the very rare occasion might have a social durry. They don't count. You know, an out and about dart, a little drag to celebrate a social occasion. Absolutely.

But never buy a pack of smokes. And now they're full-blown vapers. Every time they're like, smell of wine, they're like, I better have a vape too. It's just like, what are you doing? And they've all got children. It's so bizarre. There was a study that came out that I was reading just yesterday that said it's just as

harmful as smoking. It's any minute now right that that's absolutely rock solid evidence. The problem was the first major thing that was bad about vaping, they named it popcorn lung and that's too cute.

And now I'm imagining we're at the movies and while I don't like popcorn, the smell of that was bad about vaping, they named it popcorn lung. And that's too cute. Yeah. And now I'm imagining we're at the movies. And while I don't like popcorn, the smell of popcorn is absolutely synonymous with a good time at the films. Yeah.

So our poll results today perfectly split. 50-50. Really? 50% didn't smoke before. 50% previously smoked and now vape. I did not think

it was going to go this way. Neither. I thought there would be a lot more than we thought, but not half. I thought 20% tops. That is absolutely mind-blowing that people have taken up vaping when they never smoked. Do you know what? Because I thought this way, because people say when I started Breakfast Radio, they were like, God, you're going to get into drinking coffee.

I was like, no, I really don't want to be addicted to anything why would you add an addiction to your life I'm totally addicted to bass oh interesting you are you always have been

twang twang twang wow wow is it alright to make a 20 year old song reference on the show totally addicted to bass no but that's a timeless classic it is a timeless classic

it is some feedback on it Amanda said, I vaped to give up smoking and managed to do that and I no longer vape because I didn't want to swap one habit for another.

Yeah, because I had friends that... Because you can reduce the nicotine in your vape. Yeah, so Aaron vapes because he used to be a smoker and I feel like it is the better option and he does the lowest percent of nicotine. Yeah.

He's a fiddler though, isn't he? Yeah, it's going to be hard to get something out of his hands. I might have to put my breasts in them. To get him to put down the bag. We're down the pub. We're down at the bloody beer spot out west. And what, he just flops it out, does he? And just has a fiddle with it and pops it in his mouth.

No, it pops in his mouth, Vaughan. Well, I'm saying that's what smokers like. They like something in their hands that they can fiddle with. Which your boobs tick the ticket on, but then he can't just

pop it in his mouth. Boys, I'm just popping it outside for a tit, if you don't mind. Maybe we can give him some chewing gum or something. Chewing gum. That's a good answer. Or one of those bands,

you know, that you flick. You flick. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, if you want to. Feeling a bit itchy. Yeah. Michael messaged in saying, I was a pack a day smoker. How much would that cost nowadays?

Nowadays. So much. And I picked up vaping as an alternative. Haven't had a ciggy for a month. Oh, well, congratulations. He's a good boy. He's a good boy. We should celebrate these small wins.

Yeah, well done, Michael. Renee said, smoked for years, turned to vaping when a pack of 30s was $32, and then gave up vaping a few years later when it found it was pregnant. Perfect. Oh, my God. Can you vape when you're pregnant? Well, I don't think you should. I wouldn't.

I wouldn't. Because nicotine can be harmful to a baby. Yeah. As well as all the other chemicals and smoking stuff. It's got nicotine in it. I'd give it a wide berth. Pass. Tessa said, been on the darts since I was 16.

Regrets, she says. Vaping was cheaper and I genuinely hate I ever picked one up. It's so much cheaper and easier to vape than smoke and you just end up doing it way more. Yeah, that's the thing, because it's more acceptable to vape inside and, you know, whenever, in the car. The nice

flavours and stuff, they get you whenever. In the car. The nice flavours and stuff. They get you. I like the garlic ones. You're more of a savoury vaper. For me, when I'm having a drink, I just want a Mama Fiorelli's vape. Yeah. Oh, it's delicious.

Your Vietnamese pho vape was quite a nice smell. Yeah, the beef one. The beef pho. Yeah, the beef. Of course, of course. Oh, that reminds me of Fletcher's Oxo Cube vape. Oh, his beef Oxo. Yeah, when you go save course, of course. Oh, that reminds me of Fletcher's Oxo Cube vape. Oh, his beef Oxo. Yeah, when you go savoury.

All the flavours of the stock supermarket. Go savoury, you don't vape as much. You don't do it as much. You tend to, yeah. But those are shocking stats. Really shocking. That is insane. I cannot believe those results, that half of vapers didn't smoke.

Yeah. But here's, so we've finally heard from one who never smoked, never smoked before, started social vaping. Now I'm all day, every day, wish I'd never started and have been trying

to quit it for two years. Social vaping? Okay. It's bizarre, isn't it? It is bizarre. Switch to vaping, massive mistakes, so much harder to quit.

I managed to, but way worse withdrawals than when I was quitting the ciggies. Oh God. Wow. Oh my God. We're all fighting our own battles out there, aren't they? We've just swapped one evil

for another, haven't we? See ya, see ya later. Actually, I'm going to have to stop you there. That's copyrighted. Suzy Cato's a very good friend of mine. She's already sued me twice, so if you could maybe get her to drop her litigious action, that would be great. Tell her I'll review her five stars if she does the same for this podcast.

And then she tells all her friends. And if you're listening, maybe give it five stars as well.