ZM's Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley - Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley's Big Pod - 22nd April 2024

Episode Date: April 21, 2024

Top 6: Things worse than being a Crusaders fan  Hayley's New Career  Silly Little Poll!  Hayley's Horny Book Club!  Keys  Fact of the Day Day Day Day Daaaaay!See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

The ZM Podcast Network. The Fletchforn and Hayley Big Pod. Great things are brewing at McCafe. The perfect start to every day. Good morning, welcome to the show. Fletchforn and Hayley, a short week for a lot of people. Yes. If you're taking the day off between Anzac Day and the weekend.

We is. We is, we is doing that. We is are. We seen it, we seen that. We seen an opportunity and we is doing it. And we done it. Yeah. We booked in that leave, we done it, we seen it. We is are. We seen it. We seen an opportunity and we done it. We booked in that leave. We've done it. We seen it.

It's a good move. Man. Good move. Happy Wednesday basically. Yeah it is. It's basically Wednesday. Coming up on the show Vaughan you've got the top six. Not a great time to be a Canterbury Crusader supporter. I would say maybe the worst in the entire existence of the Canterbury Crusaders supporter. I would say maybe the worst in the entire existence of the Canterbury Crusaders.

Yeah. Rock bottom of the Super Rugby table. I don't follow Super Rugby. You're a league man. You're a league guy, aren't you? Not a great game for the Warriors at the weekend. I blame you both for not being up the whas enough. I wasn't upping the whas this weekend.

I'm not upping the whas until I'm getting on a bandwagon a few games from the finals. Yeah, it's early to be upping the whas weekend. I'm not upping the wires until I'm getting on a bandwagon a few games from the finals. Yeah, it's early to be upping the wires. It's too early. Yeah. Please, you must simply get up. I don't want to be let down again, you know? No, it hurts.

I've got the top six things that are worse than being a Canterbury Crusaders supporter at present. Okay. You know, the old saying, the one-eyed Cantabrian, sure does come from somewhere. It does. Yeah. Also on the way. Exciting. Exciting announcement for true crime fans. One on the way. Exciting. Exciting

announcement for true crime fans. One of the greatest of all time, I'd say. Okay. Has a part two on the way. Next on the show though, there's a new kind of doorbell which, God, I wish I had one at all. I need one of these. If I lived in a house, I'd order one today.

Tell you about it next. Play. ZM's Fletchvorn and Hayley. Well, Porch Pirates, If I lived in a house, I'd order one today. Tell you about it next. Well, porch pirates, you know, the people that steal your packages off your porch. Oh. This is why the courier... I'm having an Aramex. Yeah, I know. Is that what we call it now?

We're having an Aramex. I'm having an Aramex. Well, they don't want to leave the past. Can't to call. I call. Yeah. You can leave it. Okay, got it. Authority to leave. We tried Card to call. A call. Yeah. You can leave it. Okay, got it.

Authority to leave. We tried to deliver your package, but no one was home. Yeah, authority to leave. Okay, cool. We'll do that next time. Authority to leave. Hey, no one's home. Honestly, chuck it over the fence, my dude.

No, but they don't want to leave it there because if it gets stolen, it's on them. But they have written consent from me saying all good. All good if they steal it. Sorry for picking this scab off. Really kind of. I'm having an Aramax. Well, this is a problem that a lot of people deal with in suburbia is, you know, the courier leaving stuff on the front porch and porch pirates coming and stealing it.

And you'll see the compilation of, what is it, ring doorbell cams? Yes. They're the ones with the camera in them. So when you press the doorbell, you get a notification on your phone, you can see who's at your door. Yeah. Well, somebody has taken that a step further.

AusIT is a Slovenia-based startup. It is raising money for a new type of doorbell, which I'm guessing, like, it looks like the cameras we have in the studio, kind of like a base with a swivel on it. Ew. You know, like a big kind of surveillance camera you see. And that will have the technology in it,

AI-based, to identify facial recognition, to identify, like, saved people. Like, if you lived there, you'd save your profile. But it also has the ability to fire paintballs and pallets of tear gas. Pallets of tear gas? We are not fucking around. Paintballs is enough because you hit someone in the eye, you might blind them, but now we're tear gassing them.

Yeah. So I don't know if like, you know, because we've all played paintball. I don't know. You must have to get an air compressor or a canister and screw that in somehow as well. So I don't know if it would be automatic if it didn't recognise your face. Yeah, so what if you're like a pizza person,

an Uber Eats person, someone trying to speak the good word of the gospel? You must have to be like fire. Someone, you know, trying to speak the good word of the gospel. You must have to be like, fire. Yeah, sure. Notification. Unknown face. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Do you wish to fire?

They've uploaded a video on YouTube, on their page as well, of someone with a blanket and it shoots at them. So somebody is walking in down the driveway. Hang on, let me. And the camera sees them. Oh, it's tracking them. That would be terrifying enough. It's moving with you.

And then, oh, yeah, is that where he was shot? They shot him. That's quite a range. That is quite a range. I'm saying that's 12 metres. So because it's got motion tracking, have you ever been hit by a paintball? Yeah, they hurt so much.

They hurt so much. It's the worst fun thing ever. Yeah. Paintball. I would love this. My only thing would be if it was, because I've got like a porch. Yep.

So if someone was coming up the front, I'd have to shoot paint at my own house. No, you'd put it at the end. You'd put it at the end into the hedge, I reckon. Right, yeah, yeah, yeah. Shoot it that way. Shoot it in the bush. Shoot hedge, I reckon. Right, yeah, yeah, yeah. Shoot it that way. Shoot it in the bush. Shoot it in the bush.

Fence mounted. Yeah, yeah. You could have one on each one of the pillars of the fence. So they walk down the street and all of them follow. Yeah. And they're like, uh-oh, uh-oh. And then the neighbour's dog's out and it's, and you're like, not today.

But also in America, like, how long before this has a gun in it, you know? Dude, you know they've toned it down to put paintballs in it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The person that invented it was 100% shooting bullets. But when you put the little paint pellets, it's like perfect size for a bullet as well. Yeah, yeah.

If you were to put one in there. Ten past six. Great news if you're into true crime. I've got an exciting update next. A part two. A part two. One of the greatest true crime docos ever made. If not the best.

If not the best. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley. I cannot believe that it was 2015 when The Jinx came out. 2015? Yeah. Yeah. No. It's a good...

Robert Durst, eh? And sometimes you go, have you seen that true crime show about Fred Durst? And people will think you're talking about Limp Bizkit from Fred Durst, but you're talking about Disgraced. What was his background? Realtor? The family was a very excessively wealthy family, weren't they?

The Dursts. So background for those that don't know, one of probably the most incredible true crime series ever made. In fact, I'm going to look up it's Rotten Tomatoes. The twist was... Don't do it in case, because if you haven't seen The Jinx... Yeah, I'm not going to.

You've got to, you've got to go and watch it. Okay, so 8.6 out of 10 on IMDb for The Jinx. Rotten Tomatoes, 96%. It is incredible. And yeah, the twist, incredible. So it's today that this starts. Part two, yeah. Part two of The Jinx,

which is made by the same directors and producers as last time. And apparently it follows the seven years since that doco kind of caught him out. And his time in prison before he... He died, yeah. He died in prison. I mean, he should have. When you went...

No, he was 86. I think he was 86. Yeah, okay. He looked absolutely terrible. This is an HBO show and it's going to be... Yeah, so I'm just looking now. The Jinx is on Neon. Season one is on Neon, if you want to watch that.

Oh, no, this is part two. Wait, so the Jinx part two is on Neon? Yeah. Yeah, it's April 21st. Okay, so yeah, season one is there. You can binge all of that. Only six episodes. It was only six episodes.

Wow. Six perfect episodes. Yeah, and yeah, they will have season two available from today. 23rd it says. So tomorrow. Oh, this one says April 21st, but this is from America. Yeah, so we get a bit of time. Yeah, a day later.

Oh, that's good. I know. So it picks up apparently from 2015. I'm just reading here. It opens with audio from March 14th, 2015, the day before the infamous finale aired. Which, yeah, we can't even, I just, I would hate to spoil the end

because it's one of the greatest things I've ever seen. So much so you're like, that can't be real. But then they're like, it was. It was. It just started this whole movement of documentarians, documentarians? Yeah. Yeah, wanting to have access.

No, well, like be influential in the case that they're covering. Yeah. Because like the doco kind of was trying to just follow the case, but then it kind of changed the whole thing. And is that what kicked off the staircase? No, no, no, no, no, no. The staircase was before. I know, but that was before,

but that kind of made people watch that though. It was in the same vein, but that was well before. I think that was 2004 or something, the original staircase. How to Make a Murderer? Was that? That was, I feel like that was 2016. Because that kind of was the same. How to Make a Murderer was was the same kind of got a bit

involved in it the actual documentary how to make a mug cake a mug cake a mug cake those are really easy and simple I've got a perfect

mug cake and it's adaptable for keto if people want that recipe okay right and honestly 40 seconds in the microwave and it's perfect

wholesome that we went from murdering to mug cakes well it's just got to lighten the mood it's a short week it's perfect. Wholesome that we went from murdering to mud cakes. Well, it's just got to lighten the mood. It's a short week. It's a happy week. December 18, 2015 was when How to Make a Murderer came out. So there was a real spike.

It was such a good time. And then with podcasts and, I mean, you know, there's something new, true crime on Netflix every week now. I cannot wait. At least two or three. I cannot wait for this. When you said I then, this is how you said I

at the start of the break and it sounds like you're about to start singing a line of Samara. Say it. I want you to know that I'm happy for you. God, this break really I wish nothing but

the best for you both. Next on the show, the top six. The top six things worse than being a Canterbury Crusaders supporter right now. Yeah, it's rock bottom. It's rock bottom, but it could be worse. Play ZM's Fletch Vaughan and Hayley. Blah, blah, blah. Blah, blah, blah, blah.

This is the top six. Blah, blah, blah. Blah, blah, blah, blah. This is the Top Six. Hello there. Hello. Hello. Now, the most successful New Zealand Super Rugby franchise in the history of Super Rugby is the Canterbury Crusaders. Mm-hmm. They're having a great year this year.

Up the canes. The hurrah canes. You know what I mean? Up the canes. Do you know what? I've got to connote. With the commentators. The hurricanes. You know what I mean? Up the canes. Do you know what? I've got a conundrum. With the commentators, the normal commentators, not the ACC. Yeah.

They call them the hurricanes. They're the hurricanes. I know. Hurricanes. Here come the hurricanes. It really annoyed me when I watched the canes game last weekend. Is that a New Zealand accent thing? No.

We don't say, oh, there was a terrible hurricane. No, yeah. Yeah. Anyway, that's just some feedback, I guess, for the commentators. Yeah. It's hurricanes. They call them the canes, not the kins. Yeah, exactly.

Anyway. You should actually run that straight to the top. Do you reckon I should? Well, you know Scotty Stevenson. I might take it to him. I reckon hit him up. Yeah. So there's a pronunciation issue.

Yeah. It's the Cains, not the Kins. Well, it's the worst. Back down to the Crusaders. It's the worst year for the Crusaders on record. They're just getting beaten by everybody. They're at the bottom of the table. Goodness.

Sheepers. I know. It's embarrassing. It's a little bit embarrassing. It's actually a real fallepish. I know. It's embarrassing. It's a little bit embarrassing. It's actually a real fall from grace. I know, you know, if you got on board and you made yourself a one-eyed cantab, you never hear like one-eyed,

one-eyed Otago-ian, Otago-nite. You never hear one-eyed Wellingtonian. Yeah, it's weird. But you hear one-eyed Cantabrian, like one-eyed Cantab. Yeah, maybe it just weird. But you hear one-eyed Cantabrian, or like one-eyed Cantab. Yeah, maybe it just flows off the tongue better. It does. And I guess they're a very passionate region.

Oh, they are. They love Canterbury, very passionate about their region. So I've got the top six things that are worse at this exact moment than being a Canterbury Crusader supporter. Okay. Number six, being a urinal cake.

Oh, my gosh. Do you know what a urinal cake is? Yeah, I do. The urinal lollies. Yeah. The little pink things or yellow things. Sometimes they can be kind of like an iceberg colour. To kill the smell of the urinal.

Because if you ever thought, man, having a urinal in your house would be great, it wouldn't. It would stink. Yeah, it would. It would be really stinky. You don't flush it. Well, you can get flushy ones. Get flushy ones.

I still think they'd be a bit stinky. Yeah. They'd be stinkier than a standard toilet. I think if you're having a bad day, that's a great thing to remember. At least I'm not a urinal cake. At least I'm not a urinal cake. You're not being urinated on. Yeah.

Constantly. And some little kids looking at you like, I'm going to pick that up. Can I eat that? I'm going to sniff it. Yeah. That looks like a lolly. Is it a lolly? Because they do.

Why do they call them cakes? But they should be delicious. They look like they would be delicious. They should be. Yeah, sweet and delicious. They look like they would be delicious. They should be. Sweet and delicious. They look like they'd be yum. Tons of urine in them. Yeah, like 90% urine at this stage.

Because do you aim for the cake? Yeah, I always aim for the cake. If it's one of those long silver ones, I'll see how far down the urinal I can get the cake. Oh, you're moving it with your stream. I've got a strong stream. That's good for you. Good news for your prostate.

Yeah, and I'll sort of shuffle sideways down the urinal, scooting it down there. But you want to be careful if it's in a wall-mounted solar urinal because it can provide, if you hit it on the wrong end, it'll splash straight back on the gym. Like turning the tap on a spoon. Yes. It's dangerous stuff.

Number five on the list of the top six things that are worse than being a Canterbury Crusader supporter at present, being a 1950s home on a full-size section in Auckland. Because you're about to get bowled down. You're about to get bowled. You're about to get bowled down and replaced with 18 townhouses. Yeah.

Oh, nice big backyard. Yeah. Look at you. Aren't you a well-built, structurally sound, three-bedroom state home on a full quarter? Bang! Bang! Bang!

Bang! Bang! Bang! Bang! Bang! We need more places to live, Vaughan. We do need more places to live. Just not where you live, though. Not where I live. Not where you live. I just saw a development. Just saw some plans from the council. Not where any of us live, but somewhere else where other people live. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Preferably. Perfect. Perfect.

I always don't move into one, into a place with one of those next door and expected to be there after the next sale. Could we cram more into Drury? Is it possible to cram more into Drury? Drury are very... Not us. I've got signs up.

Put your people elsewhere. Drury. Number four on the list of the top six things that are worsening a Crusader supporter at the moment. Being someone's bumhole that's about to have a colonoscopy and they've just taken the clean-out juice. You're about to be a very sore bumhole just from pure amount of traffic going through you.

Johnny Cash wrote a song about you. Yeah. The ring of a boy named Sue. No, a burning ring of fire. A burning ring of fire. Yep. Ring of fire also. Boy named Sue.

Boy named Sue's about getting a colonoscopy. Number three on the list of the top six things that are worse than being a Canterbury Crusader supporter at the moment. Being someone that's about to go to the post office to post a letter for the first time in 15 years. You're about to be shocked. How much does that even cost? You're about to get out...

40 cents, isn't it? 45 cents. Exactly. You're about to get out 40 cents, 45 cents. It's probably going to cost you closer to $2 to post a letter. And that is going to be a shock for you. You better put it in a prepaid bag. But those have gone up as well.

Those have gone up through the bloody roof. Through the roof. And you already wrote the address on the outside of the envelope. You've even written on a plastic bag on the bed. Grabs. You put a hole through it. You've got an ink blob. It's a whole thing.

Number two on the list of the top six things that are worse than being a Canterbury Crusader at the moment being Taylor Swift's ex-boyfriend is a billion people just listen to 92 boring

ass songs about what a piece of shit she thinks you are. That's got to be a tough weekend for Joe. Or anyone in that chat. Anybody in that.

Anybody targeted in any part of that. Apart from Charlie Puth. Yeah, shout out. Shout out there. That's why Shannon part of that. Apart from Charlie Puth. Yeah, shout out. Shout out there. That's why Shannon's wearing a Charlie Puth t-shirt today. Put a Puth shirt on. Yeah. Sade and I were listening to the Taylor Swift album

Driving and the minute she said Charlie Puth, she would have been a bigger artist. Because Sade is no Charlie Puth fan. No, she... She was like, that's it. Next song. She's like, that's strike one. Wow. I love the title track as well. I know. I love that your wife

called you out for your scathing review of the album and then messaged me proceeding to, and made it seem like she was really into it because she's a feminist.

I know. She really sailed me up the bloody river. And then she messaged me with her own scathing review and I said, I feel like screenshotting this and putting this online.

But the joke was on her because she put up the thing about me saying that the album was boring, the Taylor Swift, and then everyone's like, listen to the second half. And I did, and that was as boring. And it was just a boring album. And she put up my review.

Joke was on her. Her inbox got flooded. Oh, really? She had to deal with all these unread messages. Oh, right. I like the Florence song, though. The Florence song is good. Yeah, go Florence. I like the Florence song, though. The Florence song is good. Yeah, go Florence.

Yeah, the Florence song's okay. You didn't like it at all, did you? Yeah, nah, it was a boring album. You wanted some pop bangers. I wanted a pop... He's a shake it off guy. He's a shake it off guy. Absolutely, I'm a shake it off guy.

I would have settled for a I knew you were trouble when you walked in. I didn't get that either. Yeah. I got nothing what I wanted. Well, she's been heartbroken. Where's the white man? He's been heartbroken.

Well, the white men have hurt her heart. That's why. That's why it's not for you. Gotcha. That makes sense. Yeah. Thanks for explaining that. And number one on the list of the top six things that are worse than being a Canterbury

Crusader at the moment, being my bank account as a septic tank that I have to pay for is getting installed tomorrow and they need full payment upon installation. I'd rather be anything than your bank account this week. I was about to get pummeled. It's a big week for my bank account. It's about to get absolutely strung out. That's today's top six. Play ZM's Fletch Vaughan and Hayley.

Play ZM. I wish you all the best with the future of ZM sincerely Hayley Sprout guys what is it two weeks I guess I'll check my contract two weeks notice is in I have found a new career path oh okay

I stumbled upon this while doing preparations for this show and it's actually led me to leaving the show which is sort of ironic I guess isn't it ironic while doing preparations for this show and it's actually led me to leaving the show, which is sort of ironic, I guess. Isn't it ironic? Big Alanis Morissette component to the show this morning. There is, as there always should be.

Fletcher's writing something down. Oh, that's just for later. Okay. Good from you. Are you live reviewing my performance? Yeah, he's doing a review for the show during the show It feels like I was speaking and you were taking notes I'll just save that for later for the review

So that you can't see it during talking because of course you'd be put off from the mid-show negative review. I'm working on my P's I'm working on them. What does it matter? You just said you're leaving us I don't know, I just don't take criticism well So, you know like on-air shopping, we've still got it.

You still see it like in the off-hours television shopping network. It's huge still in Australia. It's huge around the world still. QVC, I guess, is the big like British one. It's massive, right? And it's always a very, very well-groomed male and female pair selling stuff that honestly looks like it sucks. Yeah.

You know, just like the worst moo-moos. We did this once. Yeah, we did. And we won. What did you sell? We won. It was like the New Zealand competition and a whole lot of people in the media, we all went up against each other on the shopping network.

And we sold the most. What did you sell? I can't even remember. I can't even remember. I can't even remember. But I remember saying this is the sort of thing Kim Kardashian would have. And everyone behind the camera was like, you cannot, like, you literally can't say,

you can't attach a celebrity to a product. So then I just sort of listed all the celebrities that would love this product. You were so shy. But it was live. Of course, people lapped it up, didn't they? They did. Yeah, yeah, we won.

So apparently, G- Was it a flashlight of some sort? It might have been. Flash? I don't know. Yeah. Flashlight? Flash, yes.

A flashlight that also turned into a fishing line torpedo. Wait, so it wasn't even your product. You just chose a product. Oh, no, they just randomly assigned us a product. Good for you guys. Yeah, it was a lot of fun. I love that. Well, now Gen Z are apparently loving live stream shopping again.

And there's this app called Whatnot. Yeah. And, like, this is the most perfect thing for me. One, making money. Love it. Two, buying crap that's old and selling it for money. Why not? I love op shopping.

I love buying vintage furniture. And this whatnot is a live stream shopping app, which is just basically like, it's shopping. Is this the same one that's massive in China? Like there are people literally- Oh my God, that's right. They go to work and it's a well-lit cubicle and they just stay there selling

and they're just making thousands of dollars. I don't know, but people are watching them. There's many apps out there, but so many people are watching them. If you have like a bunch of crap, rather than listing it all on Trade Me or Facebook Marketplace. You become a what not seller.

You get like you do a Trade Me membership and then you would go on and be like, hi guys. My name is Hayley. I sell used teaspoons. So this teaspoon here, we've got a lovely tapered neck that flares out of the middle. Are they decorative teaspoons? They can be decorative.

You could use them for jewelry. You could melt them down. You could do anything. Can you stir coffee? You can stir coffee. Okay, great. You can stir water. My friend used to collect commemorative teaspoons.

That's such a lame way to collect that. It was really weird, yeah. And she was real, we were in our 20s when she did it. I don't know. I actually wonder if she's still got her teaspoons. I'm going to message her right now and ask her if she's still got her teaspoons. So apparently, like, two million hours of live streaming on this app alone is happening around the world each week. Right.

And so if you want to, what's their cut? Like, saying you're selling a table. I was just trying to look that up. I think you pay a membership but you get, it's just the same as Trade Me. Oh, this is going to be something hot people are good at, isn't it? Yes. Surprise, surprise.

So Gen Z's just watching hours and hours of it. Are they even buying anything? Well, I just said to Karwin, who, you know, look, she's Gen Z cusp. She's more with us in the millennial corner here. And she's chewing a scone quite quickly because she wasn't prepared for this. But you say that you're, like, you love watching this, but you never buy anything. Oh, my God, it's so fun. They're all over TikTok as well, like, on the live part of TikTok.

Yeah. I don't want to buy any of it. It does look like terrible quality clothing, but it's so fun. She's just like, look at how many ways I can wear it. And then she'll like change out her hairstyle. She'll be like, look, it also looks good on a brunette. And I'm like, whoa. I feel like I could so get into this. Shannon, would you vibe this?

Absolutely. Anything I can watch that's trash, I'm there. Yeah, she does love trash. So the other thing that's really alluring is people are making like tens of thousands of dollars a week. But you've got to have stuff to sell. Yeah, you've got to sell stuff. But you've got to be good at it. So there's apparently

the highest grossing people are this couple called Bethany and Austin. And they sell like thrifted high-end stuff. So they used to work in high-end fashion like Chanel and all that. And they know like what to look for. And so they buy it and they just sell it. And they just make tens of thousands of dollars.

And then they do all the things that like Gen Z loves. They've got ring lights. They've got cool backgrounds. They've got good music. They've got cool backgrounds. They've got good music. They've got good fashion. It sounds like a lot of hard work. You want to leave this job to do that? Do you reckon it's more work than this?

I reckon it's more work than this job. More work than just chatting crap to your friends for a bit. It's one of those jobs that they're like, the more effort you put in, the better return you'll get. That's not really my vibe. Play. ZM's Fletchvorn and Hayley. You know that I absolutely gobbled

up Britney Spears' biopic, The Woman and Me, last year. No, her biography. No, yeah, biography, sorry. Well, spoiler alert, there's a biopic in the works. That's why it's at the forefront of my mind. So apparently this has come from some of the right,

now I don't want to burst people's bubbles, but Britney doesn't write her own music. What? What did you just say? Britney doesn't write her own music. Ma'am, how dare you? Yeah. So some of the writers of Britney's songs have been approached because there is a biopic

in the works apparently, and they need to use the music. So they've been approached to say, hey, we're going to make this film. Can we use the song? Can we use Lucky and Toxicity? Toxicity. The Sister Moving Down song?

Toxicity. To use it in this movie. That would be the movie, I guess, of the book of her life. Okay, who's playing Britney Spears? I'm trying to look at her face and go... Okay, I'll do it.

Too hairy. Is that what you were asking? Too hairy. Part of me was like Rachel McAdams. She's the same age as her, though. Oh, yeah, we're going back in time. It'd have to be a young

Jamie Lynn Chloe Grace Moritz Chloe Is that her name? Chloe Grace Moritz Is that her name? Yeah She could do a young

Does it have to be an unknown? Do you reckon? Or does it have to be a Well it depends Because I was like Is this going to be like An embarrassing trash one? Do you know who's a great method actor?

This has got embarrassing trash on it By the way Like the Motley Crue one, and it was made so badly, Machine Gun Kelly was in it, and everyone was like, oh, yeah, it's going to be like that. But then you see a good one. Surely there's big money behind it. So it's, well, apparently.

It's not going to be the Johnny Cash, it's not going to be the Walk the Line, which won Academy Awards. This thing's not going to win Academy Awards. Yeah, who do you think's a good method actor? You were going to say. I was going to say Jared Leto can play anyone. Yeah, actually.

We could get Christian Bale onto this. Oh, no. Who's the other method actor? Older. I've abandoned my child. Oh, Daniel Day-Lewis. Daniel Day-Lewis. Yes.

Yes. He's retired. He's back. Yeah. Right. Because he could play anyone. Him and Viggo Mortensen could split. Those are two great actors.

Yeah. I would watch this. Again, maybe too old. She deserves a film. Yeah. Because if you read the book, you're like, far out. But not yet. No, she's not done yet.

But just the early. But she's got bills to pay. She doesn't want to do music anymore. She doesn't want to perform. She has her bills to pay. So. Yeah. What an easy way to pay some bills. Sell the rights to your life and a movie. Well, apparently she's writing a second book as well.

Right. That was sort of like the part two. Because it sort of ended at a point and then there's so much more that's happened. So I'm reading an article about who could play her in the book. The book turned into the movie. Rachel Ziegler, who's Colombian, is going to play Snow White. Like, absolutely not. Adina Menzel, who's 15 years older than Britney.

Yeah. 10 years older than Britney. And a Broadway actress who can sing. Her singing chops are there It would have to go right From Baby One More Time Time Yeah

Like it would be her In her younger days Yeah yeah yeah No no no no no Anyway Watch this space Because Britney deserves a film Play

ZM's Fletch Vaughn And Hayley Fletch Vaughn And Hayley Silly little

Poe Silly little Poe It is so Silly silly Poe today. Would you still marry your spouse today? Not married yet, so I couldn't answer. Still waiting. Although Vaughn and I have been invited and we've booked our accommodation and flights. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

You can be my flower boys. Masculine. Yeah, okay, cool. Okay. I know you don't like the M word, but how's your feeling on butterflies? I feel like, oh no, they're off the thing as well. I just really feel like it would be a lovely, I could open a thing and let butterflies out.

Yeah, and I'll do the doves. They'll die. No, they'll die. I don't want to be one of those weddings that goes viral online because you release the doves and they're like. And the doves start eating the butterflies. Okay, no doves.

Okay. It's just small friends and family. 86% of people said yes, they wouldves. Okay. Yeah. It's just small friends and family only. 86% of people said yes, they would still marry their spouse today. Only 86? 14% of people said they wouldn't. Oh my God.

I don't know. Are they divorced? Are they divorced? No, because that's, would you still marry your spouse today? Indicating you're with them. Yeah. Scandal. Would you marry with them?

It's a scandal. That is scandal. Do you think it would be higher or lower? Well, this popped off in the gaggle chat as well into which Vaughn said, yes. I would 100%. Who else is going to have me? Then he did say and I told her the same as I just

tried to grab her lovely boobies. The boobs got a lot of compliments yesterday. They're great boobs. Because we got home and the kids aren't home and it's just like us in the house for the first time in ages. Nude. I was like, I've got to see them boobs. Yeah, beautiful. I've got to have a look at them boobs.

You know, without kids, that's my whole life. I know. It's such a wild thing to think. It's nice that you'd still marry her, though. Of course I would. Okay, I'm going to remain anonymous for the people that say they wish they weren't married to this girl. You know what? I appreciate the people that have been honest here.

Well, that's what it's all about. To see both sides. He's driving me insane at the moment. Sometimes I just think life could be easier. And then a face that indicates moida. Yeah, right. Give me a week though and I'll probably be all over him again, such

as married life. Yeah, you ride the waves. Yeah, but I don't know if you ever thought life would be easier if this person didn't exist. Just tell her to just ride it. Ride the wave. Next person also said they don't want to be with them anymore. The timing of this poll

is great. I've just woken up to a very hungover partner during a festival weekend in Spain. So he is in bed while I'm out exploring. Unfortunately, I'd still marry him today. I guess this is what you call love. Oh, yeah. We really hit a nerve there, I think. Somebody else said. Come on, Daryl.

You're only in Spain once. Oh, I know. Let's go out and explore. Come on, Daryl, you're only in Spain once. Oh, I know. Let's go out and eat more. Come on, shake it off. I married him on Saturday, says the next person. And then a laughy face. But I can't tell if they voted yes, I'd marry them again or not. You'd assume yes.

Fresh. Fresh. We never got married the first time. We are life partners together and just not married. Happy life, happy family. What more could you ask for? Obviously someone that didn't need the ceremony and such. The title, the paperwork.

I'm five months married. Oh, he's doing a pre-read. Okay, okay. There's a real, like, I'm going to say it. Yeah. There's a pre-read. Okay, okay. There's a real, like, I'm going to say it. Yeah. There's a defining thing next. Anyway, I'm five months married, moved to Tasmania for him, never had premarital sex.

The dude's a dud root. Oh, no. Oh, no. Imagine being a dud root. You can learn, though. You can learn. You've got to teach him what you like. You can learn.

Oh, my goodness. You've got to use your communication. You've got to ride the what you like. Oh, my goodness. You've got to use your communication. You've got to ride the wave. Yeah. Get on. Hop on. Ride the wave, babe. Ride the wave.

Talk to Morgan. Talk to Morgan. He needs to ride the wave. What if she is a dud one as well? And she thinks it's all on him. What if he thinks she's a dud one? Yeah, exactly. They need to open up the communication.

They do. They do. She needs to tell them what to like. How do I do it? I start by taking off my clothes. How do you bring that up? And I wiggle out of my pants. Oh.

That's a... Honestly, I might cut my drinks. During a bit of tuition. Yeah, just a bit of, I like this. Try that. Yeah, yeah, more of this, less of that. Slower, faster. There, not there.

There, not there. Ride the wave. Absolutely not there. What are you doing back there? Hard no. Get out of it, get out of it this, less of that. Slower, faster. There, not there. There, not there. Ride the wave. Absolutely not there. What are you doing back there? Hard no. Get out of it, get out of it, get out of it. Get out of there. Get out of it.

Go forward again. Oh, yeah, go communicate. God, I hope you're not listening to this podcast with him when you hear this. Oh, yeah. Otherwise, I guess you just. No, no, use this and be like. No. This is how we help.

Yeah, yeah, be like, well, that's not me, but like. She did say dud root, though. Yeah, no, you can't come back from that. It's quite rough. No, but if you're listening to it now, just pretend like it wasn't you and be like, we should communicate more, though. Let's do a little bit of that tonight. Okay.

That's good from you. Ride the wave. Ride the wave, baby. You're not sleeping with your person before you marry them though. A lot of people do, don't they? Like it's a religious thing? A lot of people do? No. I did it first. I reckon a lot of people say they do.

Yeah, true. Just to keep up appearances but I also just don't think many people do nowadays. Nah. Try before you buy. Would I marry again? No, but I'm absolutely bogged down in admin. So I guess that's the way you keep them. Absolutely would.

He's the most genuine, caring guy I've ever met. His small acts of kindness, he does make me fall in love with him more each and every day. I'm just going to go over here and vomit. No, it's beautiful. That's lovely. That's lovely. That's lovely. Oh, absolutely. Yes, I would marry him again.

That's how lotto win was meeting each other. We don't buy lotto tickets anymore because no one wins twice. Oh. Okay. Blah. Oh, so if I just offered you $30 million, you'd say no? If I had to choose? Between Aaron and $30 million.

Get out of here. I'll send you some money. You live your life. You'll be looked after, no way, are we? Yeah. Yeah. Yes, I would, because he's currently preparing the bedroom

for my weekly massage, even though I've been a nasty bitch all day. I wouldn't be giving you a massage if you'd been nasty. No. You should count yourself very lucky to have a man that puts up with these shenanigans. Weekly massage. Do you reckon they've got a table, a man That puts up with these Shenanigans Weekly massage

Do you reckon They've got a table A special table With the hole in it For your head No She said They're in the bedroom

I think he might Just be putting a towel down And you know What a weekly massage He's only doing it For one purpose God you've really Got some knives

In his upper thighs Yeah Oh the butt Whoops I've slipped Slippedy-doo Born Alan Smith Oh my god Slit as much oil Yeah this is what This guy in Tasmania Needs to try Yeah, ooh, the butt. Whoops, I've slipped. Sloppy-doo. Vaughn L. Smith. Oh, my God, Sluttersmith's oil.

Yeah, this is what this guy in Tasmania needs to try. Weekly massage. Yes. Play ZM's Fletch Vaughn and Hayley. Play ZM. Holy shibolies. So, look, you've got to have your Stanleys. It was Frank Green, then it was Stanley, it's Yeti,

it's all the drink bottle craze. Everyone wants them. Don't forget Vaughan's Kmart Jupe. It was serving the purpose. I'll tell you what, since you lost it, your skin's lost its glow. I know. My water intake's just dormant. You're looking shriveled and dehydrated. I am. You look so bad.

I know. Horrible. I've never seen you look worse. Get out. I don't even have a drink bottle anymore. I'm so dehydrated. I have no tears. You dented your Frank Green when you threw it in your car, didn't you? I threw it in my car.

In a fit of rage. Smashed my TV, the screen in my thing, my radio thing. That was a bad tantrum. I know. Oh, well, it's been a while since I had one of those. It's good. Anyway, the new craze is in. Drink bottles, no one cares anymore. It's lunchboxes.

And not only that, we've been saying, oh my god, the Stanley Cups are so expensive, or this is so expensive. So the likes of Prada, St. Laurent, Balenciaga, of course, they're doing designer lunchbox boxes that people are obsessed with. The Prada one is, what would that be?

Like two and a half grand. Well, that's stupid. That's dumb. That's ridiculous. That's the dumbest thing I've ever heard. I'm just Googling. It's nice though. It's leather.

A Stanley one at Barker's. I love the Stanley ones. The Stanley 1913. It's five litres. Yeah, they're retro looking, eh? Yeah. They're like tradies would take them. They look like what construction workers would have taken when they were building the Empire

State Building. Yes. When they sat on the I-beams above New York City and ate out of their lunchboxes. They are so cool. They've got a handle and the clips and they're the Stanley green. The thermos clips into the roof, right? You get the matching thermos. I've got the thermos.

You need the lunchbox. Yeah, I know. But this is the the roof, right? You get the matching thermos. I've got the thermos. You need the lunchbox. Yeah, I know. But this is the new thing, right? Just prepare yourself, Vaughn, for your kids that were so obsessed with bloody Stanley cups. Yeah, because they need the matching. Now they're going to want the Stanley lunchbox. Or worse.

Do Yeti do a good one? Do Yeti do a good one. I know, but you're looking at the Yeti one to get a lunchbox because I really wanted a Stanley lunchbox, but I was like, we're home by lunch. Yeah, wouldn't use it. You wouldn't use it. But if I worked in an office,

I'd get one. It could be a breakfast box. Yeah, it could be a breakfast but I've just got cereal. Yeah, but you could put your little cereal in one and all your fruits. Yeah.

And your Yeti bottle goes in the lid. Do it. Eve St. Laurent does one, a leather takeaway box, they call it. It's shaped like a classic, you know, flap fold thing. I hate that brand.

That's stupid. No, you hate Balenciaga. I hate them all. That's stupid. And they're so expensive. So expensive. Just junk. Just expensive junk.

At least this one looks well made. Balenciaga's one is like metal, just all metal with like clips and stuff. That's so dumb. Well, that's only $1,200. Only? Yeah. Only. That's amazing.

I'll have one each for the kids and I'll get myself one too. I'll do an order. I'll order three. Yeah, we'll chip in. For $1,200 for a lunchbox, how many times could you just go out and buy like lunch? Yeah, I know. Negating the need for the box. Negating the need for the lunchbox. Yeah, I know. Negating the need for the box. Negating the need for the lunch box.

Yeah, I'm saving money. I'm bringing lunch from home. And a $1,200 Balenciaga lunch box. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. This is, I'm not doing a review or sharing a new book with you.

I feel like we really peaked when I shared the one about the milking sheds. The men getting milked. It is wild. It is wild. Women around the world are reading right now. I know. And do you know what? I've been listening and reading a lot of Smart Goods still because, you know,

I'm getting prepped for my comedy festival show, which is kind of all about the world of erotica. And I've been finding myself now so deep in it that I have these sort of knee-jerk responses where I'm like, oh, I hate that. Oh, like that. Oh, less of this. Bit more of that.

Now, I have to say at the moment, I'm actually listening to an audio book of a book that was recommended to me by our producer Karwin. Do you remember this book that you recommended? Maybe, which one? Hockey. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. Ice hockey or field? Ice.

Ice, okay. Which apparently, I didn't know before Karwin was like, dip a toe in here, that this ice hockey world is actually almost a whole genre. Yeah, it is. It's huge. I've heard that. I've heard this before.

Puck bunnies. Puck bunnies. Yes. Yes, yeah. Puck bunnies are the groupies, basically, of ice hockey players. Yeah. And because when I saw this in the news, what was happening? Was it real players were being fictionalised?

So a team, I think in Canada or news, what was happening? Was it real players were being fictionalised? So a team, I think in Canada or America, I want to say, to be fair, their TikTok account played into it a little. It went a little too far and some girly pops were going to the games and just taking it a bit too far. And so the guys had to come out and be like, hey, hey, hey. We have wives, we have families, calm it down. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because I would say out of the dozens of books I've read

and listened to at this point now, this one's outrageous, Carolyn. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I love when someone recommends you a smart book. It really gives you an insight. Into them. Into them as a person. But it's like, it's hot, but there's these moments where I'm like, oh, the language.

What can you say on the radio about the, like, the synopsis? The woman at the centre of it, so the reason it was recommended to me is because it had some correlations to the book I was reading previously in which the woman got with a man. Yeah. Then she got with another man.

And then in some cases another man she wants them all and then so then the men start getting with the other men and it takes a bit

of a gay twist is that between the ice hockey games yeah yeah basically and then I said that I'd read about this

ice hockey players do have outrageous dumpers because of all the skating yeah 100% they've got the dumpers they're pro dumpers yeah they're pro dumpers. Because of all the skating. Yeah, 100%. They've got the dumpers. They're pro dumpers.

Yeah, they're pro dumpers. And then the boys get into the other boys and stuff. I'm going to Google best asses in ice hockey. You Google that. But for me, sometimes the language of the woman is like, he looked at me as if I had the moon and all the stars. He was such a Gemini. And I'm like, aw, you've lost me.

It takes a bit of a sort of hippy-dippy twist. Anyway, because I've been going like, oh, Lisa there, it just struck me that I should write some. I should genuinely write some. I would write it under a pseudonym. Okay. Like

probably how J.K. Rowling's going to have to write anything going forward now. As K.J. Rowling. And no one will know. But I was like oh my god, I know the stuff that I'm immediately into. I know the stuff that makes me go like, oh, that's so cringey. It's so awful. That I'm

like, I'm going to give it a go. Having never read any of The Smart, would it be fair to say that it's not that well-written? I mean, you can find well-written stuff, but then you lose a bit of spice. That's my experience. The more well-written it is, the less sexy it is.

If you're just going in there for the pure smart. It's basic. It's basic storylines. It's obvious storylines. It's obvious character tropes. I was like, I could write all of this. I can just think of a million different scenarios

and write them all. And so I was like, I'm just going to do it. Maybe I'll start a blog. I love this. Are people still reading blogs? I could write a little horny blog. I mean,

if people are still writing blogs, I'm imagining there'll be horny blogs. I don't know if people are still writing blogs. Why would you write in be horny blogs. I don't know if people are still writing blogs. Why would you write in a pseudonym? Because wouldn't you want to be like promoting it and say, hey guys, my book's on sale now. Because I, same thing. It reveals so much of you and what you're into, I guess.

But people are going to know it's you. Shmally shmow. How will they know? Shmally shmow, right. Unless you just Come on one day And give a review For this amazing book That's just come out

That's what I'm thinking I think I could use My media platform To promote This new artist Right We'll all know Guys

Right We'll all know Yeah But my parents won't Okay Right And like my friends And family won't

And any future employers When they're Googling you. Exactly. They're not going to be like, you are a filth bag. You know, they'll just be like, oh my God, Hayley Sproul. Oh, sorry. It sounds so similar to that smut author,

Shmaley Shmow. Anyway, I'm thinking about it. Maybe I'll start a blog. Maybe if you want to, if you, I'll drop it one day. Right. And I'll put it on our, we've got a Facebook group, Hayley's Warnie Book Club thinking about it. Maybe I'll start a blog. Maybe if you want to, if you, I'll drop it one day. Right. And I'll put it on our, we've got a Facebook group, Hayley's Horny Book Club. Join it.

And one day you'll just see me post like, guys, just read this. Incredible. Wink, wink, wink, wink, wink. How many pages? How many words is it? I'll start short. I'll start with a novella. Okay.

And then I'll move into a full novel. Yeah, right. Okay, just see how people kind of take it. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. I think you've got to set up a series, though. You've got to have good, strong characters, room for spin-offs. Yeah.

Now, someone said book sounds hot. What's it called? The book Carwen and I have been reading. Permission to recommend? Pucking Around. Pucking Around. That's amazing. Do you know what I mean, though?

Like, how fun would it be To create these characters And these puns And all these like worlds Do you know If you're gonna write a book You should make it about Like a rural rugby team

Yeah yeah Hell yeah Hair full Yeah yeah yeah Hair full Cause then they're They're in an environment Where oh you can't

Boys don't like boys Boys like girls And the girls are like I wanna bring another boy Into the room And the girl's like, I want to bring another boy into the room. And the boy's like, no, I'm not gay. And then he sees the bum. He's like, maybe. And then off they go. Yeah, and they're both competing to be alpha males.

Yeah. It's called in a rut or something like that. In a ruck. In a ruck. In a ruck. Touch, pause, engage. Yes. Crouch.

Crouch. Crouch. Touch, pause, engage. Pause, engage. And it ends with getting engaged. Oh my God. Stay tuned. I mean, you've just done the first box right there.

Easy. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley. Now, producer Shannon, a lovable klutz, shall we call you sometimes? A lovable klutz. A lovable klutz. I never have truer words than spoken. She's beauty, she's grace and then she is a klutz. Because you've hurt yourself

multiple times. It's burning. Yeah. You're always burning yourself. Yeah, well I had a burn maybe six months ago where I hit the bottom of the oven and then panicked and then hit the top of it. Yeah, that's where you went boom, boom. So I had two burns. I hate when you burn yourself in the oven.

You're like, I can get this tray out without burning myself. It's like real life operation. Yeah, and then it just zings through your whole body. You're like, oh. Yeah, I always lose. And then, yeah, I broke my tooth last week on a piece of chocolate. That's right. I'm in the trenches.

Just got buttery teeth like me. Yeah, but no, I've injured myself again. Another burn. No worry for you. I know, same, honestly. Yeah. I've never heard again. Another burn. No worry for you. I know. Same. Honestly. Yeah. I've never heard of someone burning themselves on this item,

but I burnt myself on a lamp so severely that it's blistered and I've got it wrapped up now because Carmen was worried it was getting bad. Yes. But yeah, I've really done a good burn on a lamp. Why are you using hot bulbs? Yeah, who's using a, aren't you using LED bulbs? Because they don't burn you, right, LED?

No, they don't get hot. They don't get hot. I'd only had this on for less than 10 minutes. It's not even like I had been running all day. One of those old school desk lamps, you know, at my parents' house, and it fell on my arm and, yeah, sizzled me so much it just immediately puffed up. I cried. Did you put ice pack or some

cold water? Did you run under cold water? I remembered because last time I put Vaseline and you guys told me off and said to run cold water over it. So I did that for a few minutes but then I got bored. So I put an ice cube on it. It is boring. Oh yeah, ice cube. Freeze the skin. That'll help. I put a paper towel between

because I didn't want to freeze it to me. A great barrier, a paper towel. Tea towel, T-shirt, something. In fact, all of the- No, no, you want something that literally dissolves in any form of moisture. Oh, right, right, right. Yeah, as a barrier. A lot of the famous Antarctic explorers wore paper towels.

Yeah, of course they did. Yeah, they did. They actually named after Lieutenant- Sir Edmund Hillary, didn't they, when he went- Lieutenant Paper. Yeah, yeah. Went to. Yeah, they did. They're actually named after Lieutenant. Sir Edmund Hillary, didn't he, when he went tenant paper? Yeah. I went to believe you first.

Admiral. Admiral Towel and Lieutenant Paper survived so many long winters. So you did ice it. That's a step in the right direction.

but it's still like now throbbing and it's been four days. Oh my God. I think that needs, I love, thank you Carwin for putting an eye on it.

However, I think it needs medical attention. Yeah, well, Carwin, for putting an eye on it. However, I think it needs medical attention. Yeah, well, it's covered now. Do you know what we do? We can get free medical advice

from show doctor, Dr. Shawnee. He never minds. I'll tell you what the answer is. Hydrocortisone. I've got some in my bag. No, that is not what you use.

You don't actually. No, yeah, but yeah, I've never, I don't cry from pain, but this, I wept. Yeah. So bad., but yeah, I've never, I don't cry from pain, but this, I wept.

It was so bad. From a lamp. I think we should, maybe in part to make Shannon feel a bit better about her stupid injury, get some calls and messages in of stupid injuries that you've had. Those ones where you're just like,

well, how are you such a numpty? One tiny, tiny little mistake. Yeah, mine's always the overhead cupboard, you know, the laundry overhead cupboard above the washer dryer. And you open it into your head. And you open it and then you bend down. Oh, yes. Oh, I hate that.

I hate that. You want to punch that thing off its hinges and you're like, sometimes you do punch it. Sometimes I do punch it. Yeah, yeah. I can't. It's good fun. I can't with that.

Okay, well, let's take your calls. 0800 DALS at M. You can text through 9696. What is the dumbest injury you've ever given yourself? Play ZM's Fletch Vaughan and Hayley. We want to know from you the silliest or stupidest or most avoidable injury you've given yourself because producer Shannon, yet again,

is sporting a burn upon her arm. From a lamp. From a lamp. The answer, of course, LED bulbs. Yeah, they don't go... They don't go hot. Natalie, what happened? When did you give yourself a stupid injury? I've got quite a few stories.

It's been a bit tough. Okay. Probably the worst one, though, was pretty sure it was a Sunday morning because I was in my dressing gown. But I took over the kitchen bed and didn't quite catch my fall. So I landed pretty heavily on the ground. Oh, gosh. I think that there was my, like, the underwire on my bra, but I managed to break my rib on the fall.

Wait, wait. Oh, my God. You fell on your boobies. Your bra said no. Yeah. Pointed its little thing out, the underwire, stabbing into your rib and breaking your rib. Yeah.

So it looked like a pretty minor fall. So like I said, a bit of a clutch, and I do fall pretty frequently. So my partner was just like, Dad, stop being so dramatic. Leave me on the ground. So I was like, I feel pretty wounded. This was pretty sore, actually.

So I just toddled off to the bedroom and it continued to be pretty sore. Jeebus! You must have one bloody hell of an underwire for it to bloody poke out the side and jab a rib. That's why I go wireless. It's a way to go, isn't it? Way to go.

Keep it floppy, sloppy and soft. Natalie, thanks. You call Rhys. What was your stupid injury? I don't like Natalie. I've got way too many to actually admit to. But the worst one, because I'm a plumber, I was throwing a toilet in the bin

and went to go put something else in afterwards and I grazed my hand against the broken porcelain. Oh, no. It went straight through the tendon and the doctor. Oh, my God. Those things are razor sharp, hey, toilets? Mm-hmm. The ceramic.

The ceramic. Ugh. The doctors had a nice little takeaway at the fact that every time they asked how it happened, it was, oh, a toilet. Yeah, I was throwing a toilet in the bin. Yeah. Oh, my God, Ray, you be careful. I've seen a tendon cut before.

A friend put her hand through the glass and then pulled it back out. It was like a lasso. Chris, what was your stupid injury? Well, you wouldn't believe this. I was in the shower, and I stepped out of the shower and spliced open the nether regions, causing severe damage to the nutsack on the door.

I liked how you were like, to the nether regions, my nutsack! You quaintly mentioned it and it stomped straight through. How did you cut open the nutsack, Chris? Well, I slipped as I put one foot out of the door Quainly mentioned it and it stomped straight through. How did you cut open the nutsack, Chris? Well, I slipped as I put one foot out of the door and caught the nutsack on the sliding aluminium old-style doors. Oh, God, it ripped it right open. Yeah, and the worst thing about it was that I didn't know what to do,

so I rang my old rugby league coach, whose wife was a nurse, and got her to come round, and she ended up having to pitch it up. Can you come round and look at my ball? But what about A&E? Or did you not want to show your balls to someone you didn't know? I didn't really want to walk into A&B with, you know, the amount of blood that was coming out. It was, you know, I thought I was dying.

Chris, that's when you go to an A&E. That's when you go. They'll actually put you in front of the queue, I reckon, if you're bleeding profusely from the genitals. From your nutsack, yeah. It was very awkward to try and probably drive with that sort of injury, and I didn't have anybody else at that hour of the morning. Wow.

What a way to start a day. How are they looking now? Yeah, pretty hairy. No, but that aside. Under that. Underneath the hair. Did she do a good job with the stitches? Oh, he might have been hairy as in like rough.

I think so. I've had children now, so I think they're still working. So they worked. Wow, amazing. She's worked her magic. Incredible, Chris. I feel ill. I don't have a nutsack and mine hurts.

Bloody rugby league coach Dave's missus was pretty handy with a needle and thread. Oh, yeah. Wow. Keep your texts coming. This is all making Shannon feel great about her stupid injury on the lam. We're hearing about your stupid

yet horrendous injuries that you've caused yourself. Producer Shannon's wrist is all burnt up. She's got a bandage on it, though. Steps in the right direction. Somebody said, have you ever known anyone who cut themselves on melted cheese? What a tease for a story. I cut myself on melted cheese.

It had solidified and was stuck to a plate and I tried to scratch it off with my fingernail. Well, yeah, my organs do that. And it got up underneath my fingernail. And jabbed in. And jabbed in and then when I pulled it out, it cut right across the finger. What cheese is this?

That solidified so hard. I know. Just watch cheese, eh? It's not just clogging our arteries and being delicious. It's trying to cut us. It's not just inside hurty. And being delicious It's trying to cut us It's not just inside hurting It's outside hurting too Yeah it is outside hurting But it makes us feel so good

I know It makes cheese feel Make me feel good I was clubbing when I was 18 Someone knocked me off a step And fell onto me And I ended up with a cracked bone in my knee So I had to have crutches the next week

When I went clubbing Of course You could not take a week off We can't miss the clubs Well I went to a phone party and slipped with my crutches and fractured my ankle and had to go back. Oh god I thought the story was done. Just take a few weeks off Han.

Yeah. I was hungover running downstairs with my Uber Eats when I slipped on the stairs and broke my toe. I broke it in three places and had to go to hospital to get the toe straightened. You're already at a low point eh? Like you're hungover and getting Uber Eats. Yeah.

You don't need that. Now someone's messaging admitting that what's in their head is rocks because they were wearing puffy sleeves on a top. Now guys, you might not know this

but sometimes we wear a slight puff on the sleeve. Thought it was a smart idea to iron it while I was wearing it. No, that's a dumb idea. Thought after I burnt the first arm, I'd learnt my lesson

and could do the second arm without burning it. Turns out, no, both arms burnt, rocks in my head. Rocks in your head. And I'm not young and stupid. I'm bloody 49 years old. How have you got to 49 with that kind of carry on? Yeah, I know. That's amazing.

Yeah. I accidentally stabbed myself in the forehead at high school. The pencil was dangling. And then, yeah, I ran into it, but it just stabbed me straight into the forehead. Oh, God. I know. Some of these are really grim.

I was running on a deck, and I came to a stop, and a splinter went up under my toenail and just wedged the toenail straight off. I'd rather die than hear the rest of that story. I just found one that was so funny. I broke my finger running. My finger, as I was running like this, you know, you move your arms,

hit my thigh end so hard it broke. So I've got very strong thighs, I guess. Your quads are that popping. But if your foot was on the ground and you hit it at the exact moment, you would, you'd be like, yeah. Broke your finger running. I ate so fast I broke my front tooth by biting into the fork. I remember the last time I misjudged a fork's tongue length

and bit into a fork. Oh, yeah. It's awful, eh? Yeah. Gotta watch those tongs. I was running blindly trying to catch. Now, this is when you're looking up and you into four. Oh, yeah. It's all fillet. Yeah. Gotta watch those tongs. I was running blindly trying to catch. Now, this is when you're looking up

and you're running to catch a ball. Or in this case, a water balloon. Yeah. You've always got to check the peripherals. I ran straight into a letterbox.

Chipped my tooth and broke my toe. So that's a top and bottom. Yeah. You've got your tippy top and your bitty bottom. And you're supposed to run rinse burns under lukewarm water. The cold water will cause it to

blister. Oh, same. There we go. My friend broke her pinky doing the splits. Maybe she like hit the ground. Put your hands down once you split and then hit her pinkies. A couple of dry humping injuries. As you know, I'm in hands down once you split and then hit her pinkies. A couple of dry humping injuries.

As you know, I'm in 2024 trying to bring back the dry hump. Yeah. How's that going for you? Not great. Not great. Not great. It's not leading where you wanted it to lead. None of this is not. It's not.

Apparently, we're grown-ups. Right. We're not teenagers. We don't need to be doing that. Right. It's not going well then. Grow up. Yeah.

Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley. Vaughnie, I think this is when you were away. Yeah. Do you know what it was? It was I, because we share a locker. Hayley and I share a locker. And I'd forgotten to put something in the locker. So I said, oh, I don't have my keys right now.

Can I borrow yours? And then, like, I think I strained my arm picking up the keys. He didn't go to the gym that day because he'd already done a workout. You have so much junk on your key ring. It is out of control. No, not all of it's junk. One of them's a mini harmonica.

Sing us a song, you're the piano man. Was that in a novelty Christmas cracker? Like really expensive ones? I was going to say that's a high quality Christmas cracker? Like really expensive ones? I was going to say that's a high quality Christmas cracker. Yeah, this is from a Christmas gift, yes. But no, it wasn't in a cracker.

It was custom bought. Okay, so you've got an inch long harmonica. Then I've got a leather sort of flogger. Yeah, it's a tassel leather strap. There's two house keys and then I would say ten keys, oh a locker key for us. Then ten keys I don't know what they're for. And then my Mazda like little battery

What do you call them? A fob? Car fob? Yeah. Keyless thing. I don't think you can call them that anymore. Yeah that's really rude. I don't know where it's from. Anyway but you were like that's so heavy. And then Jared was like I've got some miniature scales. I was't know where it's from. Anyway, but you were like, that's so heavy. Yeah, and then Jared was like, I've got some

miniature scales. I was like, cooking scales? He's like, no. These are so much fancier than my scales, by the way. I know, they're real nice. What are you using scales? Crack cocaine. Yeah, you want to make sure that's food. It's for resin pouring, so I get the ratios of part A and part B right.

So turn it off. No, hang on. What are you no hang on hang on what are you pouring resin what are you making? Nerdy stuff. Turn it off

turn it off. I just wanted to make sure we could be making cool stuff. So you've brought in these scales for us because also I've got everyone's keys

oh god mine are heavy and that's terrible. I've got the girls here now this is Shannon she's got a coup de tan like a little weapon. I think that's illegal. It's illegal. I've got the girls here. Now, this is Shannon. She's got a coup de tarn, like a little weapon. I think that's illegal. It's illegal if I'm armed, but if I just have it,

I think it's not as good. She also has an emergency whistle. Okay, that's good. That's attached to her life jacket. Someone's attacking me and then she stabs. It's got quite dull, though. It's not as sharp as it used to be. Well, the whistle.

No, the coup de tarn. Oh, I was going to say, because you probably want to clean out that whistle. Oh yeah, that's for me. If the whistle gets a bit dull it needs a clean, ladies and gentlemen. It'll have some salivary

build up in it. She's got a cross stitch key ring, a little strap key ring, a city fitty, couple of keys. She doesn't go to anymore. She's got one key.

Why do you always have keys for places you don't even live anymore? Oh, let's have a... Or know what... Let's have a cleanse of that key ring right now then. No, no, because it's my best friend's house. Why do you always have keys for places you don't even live anymore? Let's have a cleanse of that key ring right now then. No, because it's my best friend's house. I like to go visit the cat.

She's got an empty loop here. Empty loop. You can't shame her for empty loops. You've got like 10 key rings. I always need an empty loop though. If you need to pop a key somewhere, it always needs to be a little loop. Do yours, Hay Hayley and see. I had it on before, but now I can't turn it on again.

I'm clever. Absolutely. Oh, here we go, here we go, here we go. Okay. So Shannon's, because Shannon's and Carwin's weigh exactly the same. 131 grams.

Carwin's exactly the same. 131. That's weird. That's really weird. Soul Sisters. Whose is this? Oh, this is Jared's. 98.

Okay, he's under 100 grams. Vaughn. 87, but you've got a booty garage remote. Fletch. The girls are winning so far. 85. See, you think he's really light, but that's still quite heavy. It's still winning. I'm still winning. 85's 85. See, you think it's really light, but that's still quite heavy. It's still winning.

I'm still winning. 85 is winning. Okay, Sprouse. 220. 220 grams of keys. Yeah, 219. Half a block of butter. Oh, no, sorry.

Yeah, one was off. Yeah, 219, 219. It's too heavy. So maybe take off the 10 keys you don't use or know what they are for like are they old flats but one day I'll be like oh yeah yeah one's for a door

that we removed we don't throw them away you don't have to carry them around the entire time no idea no idea no idea I think this might be

for the door that no longer is in our house that went in the trash yeah no idea no idea does everybody have a friend like when you started driving like high school or whatever

and everybody had old cruddy cars, did anyone have a friend that had a different key for the ignition, the door, the boot and the gas? Oh, I had that. It was a four car key. Yeah, I had that. You had one that opened the driver's side, one that opened the boot. Yeah. And one for the ignition.

Yeah. I didn't have the other side. I didn't have the fuel flap. No, I didn't have the fuel flap. I will, I know, it's time. I've been looking at these for ages going like I feel if women, if you

had no handbag Lightly here. If you had no handbag, you wouldn't have the keys that you have. The big jangly key rings. I handbag therefore I am woman. We have to put them in our pocket in our jeans. Just weighing them all together.

That's a lot of keys. We're about at 800 grams here, guys. See, it's too much. Should this be your reminder to start the week afresh and go through your key ring and remove the keys? You can keep them, keep them all on one key just in case one day you're like, what opens that? Yeah, put them in your junk

drawer. Put them in the drawer, yeah. Or that drawer of junk. That cane basket thing you've got hidden somewhere. Ours is a wooden pineapple bowl. Yours is a wooden pineapple bowl. But keys go in there. Ours is a weird rattan basket-y tray thing sitting in the pantry. I actually think you guys might have left some keys there from that party we had in that bowl.

Oh, we weren't going to mention that. Yeah, well, honestly, I pulled out the dud key, so I just left the party. Yeah, I know. You can't do that. That's not fair to the dud couple. Yeah, well, honestly, I pulled out the dud key, so I just left the party. Yeah, I know. You can't do that. That's not fair to the dud couple. Yeah, but imagine if you did get into swinging and you went along and you're like,

look, everybody here's hot apart from that dud couple. Yeah. And then you pull the key out, you're like, all right, who's key? It's my key. Oh, man. Can I redraw key? And then you're like,

God, these keys are like 250 grand. Yeah, jeepers. Don't go home with her. She's a psychopath. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley. Nine keys are removed that I don't know what they're for. Reway. Nine keys.

Are you done yet? Are you finished doing the key clearance? Give it a reway. Because people have been texting in just over that song. I didn't see the text before, but apparently if you've got heavy keys, it's really bad for your ignition. Yeah, well, okay, there was 219 when we started. 219 grams.

Grams. Yep. 134. That feels good. See, now I'm back up where the girls are. That's better, that's better. And I've kept my tassel in harmonica. And you're not going to put your shoulder out

because you imagine all the excess weight of your handbag. Well, you were just saying it's bad for your ignition. I literally once, when my wireless wasn't working, keyless wasn't working, you can pull it out and put the key in the ignition. And I was driving along the motorway it slipped out of the ignition and my car turned off. How heavy these are. It's a hazard.

There you go. Let today be your day to fix this. Yeah. Look at that. Good on you. I feel so good. Nine keys. And I'll just pop these in a little drawer somewhere. Yeah, good. Never to be used again. I fix this. Yeah, look at that. Good on you. I feel so good. Nine keys. And I'll just pop these in a little drawer somewhere. Yeah, good. Never to be used again. I like this. Whereabouts did you guys set your smooth Segway? Oh, okay, have another go.

Finish up on the keys. Now I've removed nine keys. I'm going to pop these in a little drawer because I don't need them. Car keys are something we all carry and of course they start cars, which we drive and you need a licence to do so. Where did you guys set your driver's licence? I felt clunky. No, there was too many words in it.

That was a really clunky segue. Really clunky. Do you want to try and cram ten more words into that sentence? One more time. Anyway, so now my keys are all nice and tidy and I've removed nine keys that I don't need anymore. Speaking of cars, where did you guys set your driver's licence? We weren't speaking of cars.

We were talking about keys. Here's how you do it. Here's how you do it. None of these are car keys. Here's how you do it. Well, now that my keys are None of these are car keys. Here's how you do it. Well, now that my keys are all organised, it's so much lighter and I've got these nine keys I don't need.

Well, having a big key chain, key ring, isn't something you get marked down with on a driver's test. Jeepers! Welcome to New Zealand. You're just leaving England. Are you okay? Is it your first day on the drive?

Are you nervous? Have a drink. Take a couple of deep breaths and keep going. Keep going. You try, Hayley. You try. She can't lead herself in.

That's ridiculous. I can't segue off my own ending. I set her up. You knock her down. Okay, have another try again, boy. No, I've organised all my keys now. There's so much lighter. Pass!

Flawless. Flawless. Licences! Flawless. Whereless Licenses Flawless Where did you guys sit Your driver's licence You would have done it In New Plymouth

Because you were living there New Plymouth and Nelson And I did my final in Nelson Ah Okay Yeah Okay I did

Kill Bernie Both times In Wellington Okay But That's busier than either of the But I remember Nelson I went on that big road

And it was 80 and I was too scared to go 80 because I was like, surely you wouldn't drive this fast. And the guy was like, speed it up, hon. Speed it up, come on. New Plymouth, there was a hill with traffic lights

and with a manual, you're like, do not stop here. Get a green, get a green, get a green. Oh yeah, please don't make me go to one. Because you were like, you don't need that pressure on a driver's test. What was more intimidating on the driver's test, the parallel park or the hill start?

Hill start. Hill start. My parallel park was parallel parking behind someone, but there was no one behind them. Oh, gorgeous. So I had like meters and meters and meters of room. Yeah, room to run. Well, apparently if you sit in Auckland,

Bay of Plenty or Wellington, you're more likely to fail than other parts of the country. Auckland, Wellington and? Tauranga. Ah. Bay of the country. Auckland, Wellington and? Tauranga. Ah. They have plenty. Yeah, I guess because it's busy. Tauranga, there's a lot happening road-wise.

All of those places are insanely busy. Yeah. So would that be the reason why? Or that there are just more people in those regions and then more family? I would have thought, because we were talking about when we learned to drive and I just said, I can't remember the specific moment I learned to drive because we were always just driving around. Illegally.

Because you're farm kids. On utes. It started out with motorbikes. Farmers are lawbreakers. Yeah, we do what we want. And then you'd be like, your granddad would be needing someone to drive the ute so then you'd be driving the ute and then he's like well you drive that home i gotta take the motorbike home so then you're like you're driving it down the road pissed is pissed at the pub and call you

up you're 11 i need to be driven home you're not even at the pub granddad you're at the woolshed pick up your granddad from the woolshed because he tried to keep up with the sharers. But I thought maybe that played a part into it. Whereas kids in Auckland, where do you learn to drive? Mine was in a... Yes, because I learned to drive manual in a car park in Dargaville from my pop. Yeah. I would have never done a learned manual around the streets of Wellington City. Because bunny hopping's insane.

It's scary and you need room. And there's people behind you. Yeah. So I thought that might play into it a little bit. So the regions, are they the best place? The regions are the best. Yeah. Taranaki's the best.

And that's just not a new planet. That's the whole region. So all the little outstretched stuff, they'd have their own, right? They'd have their own testing centres. Gisborne was the second highest. Pretty loose down there on the bloody. Lucy Gerson.

On the far east. Yeah. The guy sitting in the test will be half cut. Yeah. As long as you turn up and your

car doesn't have a space saver on it they'll let you. You never know. There is. I hear they have the Daganja. Daganja on the

east coast. So yeah apparently those are the two places and rural places are more likely to pass the first time. But again less traffic.

Just chill. It's more chill. Yeah. Yeah. So if you lived in like Wellington or Auckland, are you better to book in, you know, an hour north or south? No, but I don't think so because then you go to another city or town, you don't know the layout.

Like you think you grew up in a small town, you know all the streets. You know your way around. Yeah, exactly. And if you're not from there small town, you know all the streets. You know your way around. Yeah, exactly. And if you're not from there, then it might be a bit weird. What would Christchurch be like with all the road closures and can't turn here and can't turn there? You'd find that hard, wouldn't you? And because it changes.

You'd be like, I know this road. Oh, not today. Yeah. I don't know. You'd probably best pop out to the... Well, could you just holiday in Rarotonga and do that course around the road cones and then come back with your license?

The Cook Island driver's license. Yes. Oh, man. That is loose. That motorcycle license. Yeah. Oh, really? And even if you fall off, you'll still get your license.

We know that for a fact. Someone fell off during the driver's test and the guy was like, pick that up. Did you get insurance? Because you've got to scrape down the side and then we've got the licence anyway. When do we have to reset? When we're in our 80s or something? Yeah.

What is it at the moment? You get to a certain age where you have to reset the actual practical side of it. Surely there should be like a little 10 year touch base. You'd think so. Well, when you get to a certain age. Not now. Not now. I'm too busy. Couldn't possibly. I'm a great driver as well.

Don't look at me like that. Heavy foot. The other day when we were leaving work, I'm like, I'll try to keep up with her. Didn't happen. Yeah, but you do drive very slow. I don't think the Jimny's capable of those speeds. It's me going a little fast and you going significantly slow. I'm cruising.

There's so much to see. You're all cruising the other lane. Well, you just can't keep doing this. Play ZM's Fletch Vaughan and Hayley. Fact of the day, day, day, day, day. Yeah. you'll see us tomorrow you'll see us Wednesday Thursday Friday you'll hear us probably say I'll hear us you'll hear us today

you'll hear us tomorrow you'll hear us Wednesday Thursday Friday nowhere to be heard yeah you won't get you won't get we're doing that thing

a lot of people are doing making a mega long weekend yeah we're making lemonade out of lemons I've just been told a little bit of pods will be happening on those days

of course they will you will still hear us take back everything I've said I've just been told a little bit of pods will be happening on those days. Oh, absolutely. You will still hear us. Take back everything I've said. I've just been an absolute idiot. We'll just start again. Start fresh. But there'll be three fact of the days this week. The theme this week is accidental discoveries.

Oh, good. Accidental inventions. Good. Let me tell you about Wilson Greatbatch. What a name. Wilson Greatbatch. Wilson Greatbatch. No relation to legendary New Zealand cricketer Mark Greatbatch.

Okay. Who I always liked as a kid growing up. Me too. Because he hit it big. Loved old Greatbatch. And he had a moustache and he hit it real big. Greatbatch, more like Greatbat. Ting.

Ting. So Wilson Greatbatch was an inventor. He, in the 1950s, was trying to invent a device to record the rhythm of a human heartbeat. Okay. What was the rhythm? When he heard it, it was like, this is the rhythm of a heart.

The heart. So he was trying to do it. Now, he ran out of, I don't know a lot about electronics, but he ran out of the right-sized resistor. That's that little thing when you open it up, it looks like a about electronics, but he ran out of the right-sized resistor. That's that little thing when you open it up, it looks like a lolly. Yes.

You know, the long- And they solder it into the board. You bet. Into the motherboard or whatever. He was out of the right-sized resistor, so he put the wrong-sized resistor in, and he's like, that might work. Okay. Due to this fortuitous accident,

I'm going to read this verbatim from this article. The intermittent electrical impulses that the device ended up creating rather than recording because of that final resistor were very much like the sounds of the human heartbeat. And he, in turn, accidentally invented the pacemaker. Oh, my God. Complete accident. Wow.

So then he was like, this is weird because there were pacemakers before that, but you had to like, they were not portable. Yeah. They were painful. Yes. You had to hook yourself up to this electrical thing that would be like, and go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go. We're going to get this heart going.

Right. So then he was like, well, this works. Tested it first on dogs. Yeah. And then made its way into humans. And your granddad was like one of the test guinea pigs, right? Yeah, my pop was the guinea pig. So each time there'd be a new pacemaker, not the, I think there were a few,

and any time they got a new pacemaker, they'd shove it in Garrick and see how it went. So he always had the coolest ones. Garrick? Wow. Garrick. That's a strong name. That's a bloody great, great name.

Wait, so he'd have to have surgery every time? No, not every time. Like, he'd have them for years, but they don't last forever, so you do have to get them kind of redone. That's the guy's next invention. Yeah. Was that he said every two years the battery life would die in it. So he invented a lithium-ion battery,

which would mean that pacemakers would last for 10 years or more yeah there was a problem in the original design it was potentially explosive so there was a rework later

okay but yeah this one guy invented wow invented the mobile my father's got one lots of people

had them incredible yeah dad got it and it was just this little cut and they put it in and connected it, Dad got it and it was just this little cut and they put it in and connected it all up and now it's just got this little bump there.

Yeah, it's a little lump under the skin. It's amazing. They're incredible. Amazing invention and invented completely by mistake. So today's fact of the day is Wilson Greatbatch was trying to record the sound of the human heart when he accidentally invented the pacemaker. Fact of the day, day, day, day, day.

Well, the South Korean police are not happy with this gentleman who, he's in his 60s, I believe, and he described to the police that his younger friend has gone missing. Turns out they found that woman within two hours. She wasn't missing at all. She was the man's girlfriend and hadn't replied to a few of his texts do you know he could face like

a fine or 29 days in a detention centre for like basically wasting the police's time what is wasting police time in New Zealand it's a thing but like is it when you're like my cat didn't come in for his bickies and he's always hungry they call you a dickhead and put your

picture in the paper. Yeah, I don't know. Look at this dickhead. Look at this dickhead. That would actually be a good sort of community punishment. Look at this dickhead. Look at this dickhead. I have it.

A person convicted under this section may be sentenced to imprisonment for up to three years or a fine of $2,000 New Zealand dollars. Okay, well, that's worse than South Korea. Yeah. Which is 29 days in a detention centre or like $432. Okay. Around about.

Anyway, and he just, apparently the girl was just like, no, he's just really high maintenance and like quite full on. He's a lot. Was he a lover or a? Yeah, they were together. Oh.

Not anymore. No, she's like, I can't do this. So what, yeah, like I've got, I've like put my phone down for a couple of hours and you call the police and file a missing persons report. Right. Well, some couples are like that, always texting. Whereas some are like, you're shaking your head.

No way. I, yeah, I know I've always been vocal about that. Then I'm not, when it comes to being a girlfriend, I'm pretty low maintenance. The most I ask for is compliments. Yeah. Do you know what I mean? And attention.

A lot, though. Praise, applause, compliments, attention. Yeah. But when he, like, oh, no, no. But if you couldn't get hold of Aaron, you'd be all right. 100%. It'd be fine. In fact, you know what it's like to try to get hold of this man.

He's silent in all the group chats. He's unreachable. Yeah, he's not big on social media and being on his phone, is he, at all? No. Yeah. Anyway, I wanted to take some calls and get some messages in of your, like, high-maintenance ex. Like, maybe they just needed a lot.

We'll also take current partners. Yeah, we can. You might be dealing with yourself a very high maintenance person. Maybe you are with someone who is a big texter and communicator and wants to know. It's constant check-ins. Yeah. Constant communication. And you're like the opposite. You

don't need that. You can just see them at the end of the day when you get home from work. You're like, hey. Sometimes I, because I think, I don't know, maybe I could be wrong and we could ask this if you were like, yeah, I constantly, even if you know that you're that high maintenance person that needs to know where they are at all times, but to me I'm always like,

I've always thought that it felt like a trust issue. Why do I need to know where Aaron is? What is he doing, cheating on me? I'd like to see him try. She would actually like to see him. Give it a go. I'm just saying it would really open the door for my affair that's been brewing for a long time.

You know what I mean? Okay. Well, let's take your calls. 0800 DARS at Emma's number. Call now. You can text through 9696. Do you have or have you had a really high maintenance partner? A man in South Korea is facing trouble.

Yeah, because he filed a missing persons report on his girlfriend because she didn't respond to his messages. High-maintenance. Yeah, she was fine. I think she was at work or just at home. She was like, what? I'm here.

I'm okay. Yeah, I'm all good. Now the police are late. What a waste of time. But we want to know if you have, or if you are even, a high-maintenance partner. Someone who just needs, needs, needs.

Sarah, good morning. Good morning, guys. Good morning. Now, is this your partner that always needs a reply? Yes. So obviously communication is a massive trigger to her and so I'm one of those people that can go throughout the day not talking to her. However, if she messes me on her break saying, hey, what are you doing? I've got to reply.

And obviously earlier on in the relationship, I didn't get that. I didn't realize that was a big trigger. And oh, my gosh, wow. You wore it, did you? I thought that a police file would go, you know, put a pin there. It would go against you. She'd started actually, she'd started a true crime podcast about your disappearance. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Oh, yeah. Yeah. So, yeah. So now two years in, I know just to reply, yeah, I'm good, I'm at home. But what if you're busy, Sarah? Oh, there has been times I have been really, really busy. And trust me, when I got home, I did hear about it.

Wow. Yeah. You know? Yeah. You meant to be texting me back. Some people are like that. They see the text pop up and they're like oh yeah, okay, I'll reply later. Yeah, I'm one of those ones. Yeah. Some lot of people are. So I guess you've just got to have a chat at some stage and be like Yeah, it's nice that you've acknowledged it and you go like

I know that she needs that so I can make that happen. You know, it's communication, isn't it? Oh, 100%. can make that happen. You know, it's communication, isn't it? Oh, 100%. Sarah, thank you. So message is in. I didn't realise this was so high maintenance, but I always track my partner.

I constantly can see his location. I also track his best friend, because what if he's with his best friend and his phone dies, and then I just like to know what he's up to and where he is. Yeah, that is high maintenance, my love. That's a lot. Tracking the best friend. But then, like, you've got your wife on Find Friends.

Oh, yeah, but I very rarely check it. You just check it and be like, if you don't know where she is. Yeah, yeah, yeah. If I did ring her and she didn't answer, I'd be like, that's weird, and then I'd check. And she's at the mall. And she didn't answer because she knows I would have heard the food court in the background. Yeah. You're high maintenance partners.

Maybe it's a communication thing. Maybe there's another area of high maintenance. My partner's tanning routine is very high maintenance. Read this message. So much so that she tried to get me into tanning as well so that she spent so much time doing it, we could have spent that time together. Do you know what I want? Because I don't tan a lot, but when I do, Aaron's always like, oh, it looks great.

And I got him to get a spray tan once. He hated it. Because it flakes a bit at the end with all his hair, his body hair. It didn't go as lovely as mine. Should have given him a trim. But the idea of him in the booth doing all the poses really made me laugh. So tall, his head's sticking at

the top. He has to crouch to get the face done. Yes. Somebody said, my partner will literally be like, see ya on her way to work, walk out the house. I see her bike out the driveway and then my phone will call and she's like, I'm bored on my bike ride. Keep me company on the way to work. Oh, I sort of do that a little bit.

There's some podcasts before. Yeah, I was going to say. Or the radio. Exactly. True that. Let us keep you company in your ears. It's a one way. It might be a bit one way though. You can talk back to us. Yeah. How are. Let us keep your company in your ears. It's a one way. It might be a bit one way though.

You can talk back to us. Yeah. How are you today? We won't judge you. No. What if they'd said they were really bad and really depressed? Well, then we laughed at them and now they're happy. Oh, you laughed them better.

Laughter's contagious. How are you today? I'm really not. I'm not that happy today. Be better. Be happier. Ta-da. Be better. Be happier. Ta-da, fixed. My partner and I have each other on Find My.

I check to see how far away from home she is after work every now and then. But she revealed to me that she sometimes just has Find My open on her desk at work just to feel close to me? Question mark, is this a red flag? It's either cute or it's a red flag. The only person that I track is Fletch. Mark, is this a red flag? It's either cute or it's a red flag. Yeah. The only person that I track is Fletch. And mostly when he's overseas,

I just want to make sure he's not dead and that the dot still moves. Yeah. You know? I'm going to turn it off. I'm going to turn it off on my next holiday. No, it's dangerous. Just so you don't know where I am.

We've got to know where to find the body, or the phone at least, because it's a nice phone. It's a nice phone. I want it first. I want it first. I was just explaining. What have you least because it's a nice phone. It's a nice phone. I want it first. I want it first. I was just explaining. What have you got?

I've got this phone. I will make a will and I will decide who gets it. Booze cart. And all encompassing. I nearly swore. I nearly said F you.

Booze cart. I'll just wheel the booze cart straight out. There's nothing on the booze cart for you. It's more of a Haley booze cart than it is you. It's all sweet and delicious

and liquors. It's for me. No, she got your phone. I get the booze cart and all that comes with it. No, I don't want the phone, actually. I'm only one behind. You're three behind.

Okay. Oh! Jared just got the TV. Oh! That was going to be next. No, I'm not dead, guys. I'm right here. Sound system.

I want a sound system. Wait, what's that? Why has no one got my cat? It's Wyatt and the Warbird. Who's going to look after my cat? I don't want that. Simon Lewis Ward, the explorers.

I'm getting some artwork. Oh, you're getting the explorer artwork. Okay. I'm fine. Yep. The robot painting. Oh! Hey!

Sorry. The apartment and all. I just got the apartment. And all the guys in it. Okay. No, you can't have the bathroom, bro. I just got the apartment. Sorry. The whole bathroom has one. Oh, the mirror. Okay. No, you can't have the bathroom, bro. I just got the apartment. Sorry. The whole bathroom has one.

Oh, the mirror. I'm bugging you a mirror? I'm not dead yet. I'm not dead yet. You need a mirror for the photo op. Sorry. It all comes with. That's a chattel.

My partner's not. That's a listed chattel. My partner's not allowed to leave without his phone. He must text me every hour of the day so I know he's all right. We also have live 360 that I track when he's out so I know he's not lying to me. Oh, see that's a red flag.

Only because he used to lie to me when we used to go out. Okay. One time he told me he was going for a drink in Auckland. Next minute he's in Hamilton. Oh.

This whole relationship sounds chaotic. Sounds built on trust. Sounds like a chaotic. I've got some flags a-flapping, I tell you. Not even a boyfriend,

just a guy I went on a Tinder date with was still messaging me afterwards as he seemed okay. Then he got really flags a-flappin', I tell ya. Not even a boyfriend, just a guy I went on a Tinder date with was still messaging me afterwards as he seemed okay. Then he got really worked up and gave me a hard time one evening and then took about, when I took about 20 minutes to respond to him in a message, it gave me the ick instantly. So I never replied to him again. Yeah, that's a little bit too keen.

A little bit too keen. Red flag there. Yeah. I had a really high maintenance ex. She would always send me a text and let me know what she was doing but also expect to know where I was and what I was doing even when I was at work. One time I went into town with my friend and he lost his wallet so we walked back into town

to try to find it. We only live two blocks from the town centre. When I got back she grabbed me by the collar and really gave me both barrels because I hadn't messaged back saying where I was. We were only gone for 15 minutes so I had to let that one go. I suppose different people have different needs. I'm trying not to judge because it's very

foreign to me. Yeah. Good luck. To all involved. I was going to say good luck to Aaron. I just, I don't know, there's something I still don't want to see him try, you know. See ya, see ya later. Actually, I'm going to have to stop you there.

That's copyrighted. Susie Cato's a very good friend of mine. She's already sued me twice, so if you could maybe get her to drop her litigious action, that would be great. Tell her I'll review her five stars if she does the same for this podcast, and then she tells all her friends.

And if you're listening, maybe give it five stars as well.